#which was a dark time for myself
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Hey friend! I see you struggling. I'm sorry things have been hard lately. I know that your doing the best you can. You have a project due tonight, and I wanted to tell you I believe in you. You're amazing, you're going to do amazing things. You got this. I believe in you
Take care of yourself. Be blessed in your endeavors <3
Thank you it's much appreciated <3
#kat answers#this semester has been hard because of how much it's sending me back to 2019#which was a dark time for myself#but I talked with some close people in my life a little bit ago#and they also helped reassure me that its ok for me to be struggling with classes rn#and that my grades arent a reflection of my worth as a person#which I'm well aware but emotions are weird#what I know has changed from 2019 is that yeah#my anxiety can send me into a negative irrational spirals of thought#but im more comfortable confiding in others#and i know from experience i will be able to get through it and things will eventually sort themselves out#even if it really sucks in the moment and i wish it wasnt my college courses that was the thing giving way to everything else
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Wan Shi Tong, like the former Admiral Zhao, looked entirely ready to throw down with a teenager.
- Line I almost certainly won't use, so HERE IT IS
#dark night in ba sing se#not to be confused with blindsiding badgermoles#which will have an entirely different Wan Shi Tong encounter#oh it is a good world in which I live#when I have TWO wan shi tong chapters to write <3#avatar the last airbender#atla#this weekend is OUTLINE ALL THE THINGS weekend#just finished the next Fox's Tongue chapter outline and there's twenty minutes until Food Time#so treating myself to Zuko's Inexplicable Rivalry with Foxes: The Fic#zuko
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☀️ IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!! 🌙
This is my gift to myself :) I drew my favorite guys ever.
For a while I've been itching to draw the wedding outfits from this post again. I made them up on the fly as I was drawing, but I actually really like how they ended up turning out. They're super cute!! (though, yet again, you can't see almost any part of Dedede's outfit... 💔)
But then I couldn't get it out of my head to make a companion piece for it, with their mirror versions. And so. I did. What they have going on is a little bit messy, though...
Marriage or divorce!! Take your pick.
#kirby#kirby series#meta knight#king dedede#metadede#dark meta knight#shadow dedede#mirror metadede#i do like mirror mtdd. like a lot. but poor planning ahead with hcs and ocs caused them to end up. kind of doomed in my thing lol#maybe i'll go in depth about it one day. as much as i can anyway. i haven't fully figured it out myself#my art#couple details:#mk's tooth gaps are probably one of my favorite parts of his drawing. they're just so cute i'm so glad i knocked his teeth out#while mtdd is on Non Descript Happy Place mirror mtdd is specifically in the dimension mirror level from katam and ktd#just slightly. sparklier and shinier. because that's just how i do things. and without the buildings#i did try to add them but it made everything busier than it already was#mirror mtdd's faces are obscured on purpose but if you look closely you can catch a peek of dmk's expression through his veil#which! it's meant to be kind of like a widow's veil.. symbolism and what not#i couldn't think of what the opposite of a star was so i did hearts (for the plating. cheeks. and pauldrons)#i fucked up the rings.. because i got my lefts and rights confused..#but i kept it Anyway because it looked cool. i'm sorry though it's so annoying once you notice#i still have the flats and a better look at ddd's outfit (and a Little of sddd's face)#so maybe i'll post that later#i think that's about it#i'm 20 today :) sigh. the passage of time#god the way this has been crunched sickens me. don't look closer actually
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b4 death B) - angel w a little hat below cut <3
tried to stick to their death dates a bit but. idk i only googled for like 5 mins. also i wanted those old news print colours 😌
#alastor#niffty#angel dust#hazbin hotel#fanart#i wanted to like. idk not necessarily match their designs but what i think they'd have looked like when alive#a lot of people give angel heterochromia which i dig but i like the idea he's got the same thing as david bowie - 2 different sized pupils#i wanted 2 make niffty deranged but also sweet bc i love her dearly but i do think she killed people#alastor i tried to like give him a cab calloway vibe like charming but then also his scary little smile#Had to give Al the little glasses chain for extra cuntitude#angel i think was strange to make bc. he's the least human out of these 3 to me. so he could've looked like anything.#you can pry him being a bleach blonde out of my cold dead hands tho this man has dark hair naturally#needed him to look Fruity. but only a little. the amount of times i'd give him makeup then had to force myself to remove it#i love talking abt visual headcanons im so shit at writing to so you'll have to put up w drawings just so i can ramble abt them in the note#human niffty#human alastor#human angel dust#.ctf
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24.10.23, tuesday
a week long break from the main priority course started today!! Tomorrow gonna work on the other courses, but decided to have the day off today as a treat etc (can’t take the whole week off, so a day will have to do)
things done today:
a meeting (had to lead it, did a very crappy job on it but at least that’s done)
whole bunch of reading
dishes & general cleaning around while listening to a podcast
a walk
#but eitherway I’m feeling good about this week bc the other courses are just coding by myself and that’s chill#and on saturday will go to a food & wine & book fair and after that to a restaurant with my parents so that’s going to be very nice#(the annual food & wine & book fair is pretty much my favorite thing of the year)#(and it’s always at the end of october which is also like just the perfect time)#bookblr#studyblr#booklr#aesthetic#books#study#reading#read#book#studyspo#dark academia#alchol tw#tw alcohol#october 2023#2023
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Recovered photo of Joey Drew. Taken December 31, 1944, during a New Year's Eve party at the Arch residence, photographed by George Parker. Photo depicts Mr. Drew shaking hands with an unknown man in a hat. Attempts to identify the man and his whereabouts have been unsuccessful. -The ArchGate Preservation Society.
-Record-
-----
Alternatively: 'Unknown' - Return to the Studio AU.
Even though he was the one who personally invited every guest at the party, when Joey later asked him who the "strange man" was, Nathan had no idea who he was referring to, even with Drew's specifics.
After several years have passed, looking back at the photo, Nathan still has no idea who this man is or how he got into the party.
Joey described the encounter as something that "started out pleasantly, and ended on a very uncomfortable note."
#bendy and the ink machine#batim#bendy and the dark revival#batdr#the ink demonth#joey drew#bendy oc#batim oc#return to the studio au#bendy au#crookedsmileart#also ALSO alternatively: ''I put Joey in yet another uncomfortable situation because I like putting him in misery#cuz that's what he deserves <3'';#fellas; I'm not gonna lie; I'm feeling the drive to do Ink Demonth prompts dying#I think I'll do two more prompts; and after that? time to throw in the towel#I'll be able to reach/surpass the number of prompts I did last year; which was 10. which I'm fine with to be honest.#I also want to move on to drawing other things so I think this is the best decision#it was fun; and as always; it was obvious that I wasn't going to finish the event#but I did what I could and wanted to do#any other ideas I had for the event maybe I'll do another day when I feel like it#but besides the two I'm still going to do? that's it.#let's end the event in a good way (and better than last year)#and yes; one of those two prompts will be putting Joey in a bad situation. again lol.#look the ideas I have are the only ones I can do in the timeframe I've put myself in#one of them coincidentally involves putting Joey in a bad situation again; can you really blame me for that GBAWOERBGUWP
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It has been. A Day (tm).
#my characters#oops i fell in love#brent but dnd but also i remembered the one time i drew him as a wolf based on acnh inspo#so i gave him the ears again lol#also i just like how dark he is and how dark he dresses but he has such a bright blue speech bubble color#which is the blue in his ears#which i already forget if i mentioned it in the tags on yesterdays art#but the red blue and pink on the three characters is actually just their speech bubble color#i like brents blue a lot lmao#i wish i used it in his dnd outfit but i used a slightly different blue#anyway hi he has like no charisma and all depression but hes here to help and support karen so hes a bard#i had so many OTHER things i wanted to draw today but i sat down and was like yeah no#i do not have the energy for any of it#so i just went with my lazy bust shots and nearly called it b/w no color#but i forced myself to color bc i wanted that blue in his ears THAT BAD
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Defending Forever online is not enough I need a gun
#qsmp#he's POSSESSED#>>POSSESSED<<#IT'S NOT HIM#also this is Main Lore btw because he’s possessed by baribal aka dark Cucurucho#why him and not anyone else who got infected?#because he’s the president and baribal wants to control “their leader”#he does not have Forever's memories#the arg was @v@ tricking his conscience (us viewers) into giving it information#he gad to ask the eggs who their parents were for example#also it stated that it does not care what happens to Forever's body#the Cucurucho who we saw trying to “help” forever with the infection was actually baribal in disguise btw#which is why the infection got worse with the medication#and remember he only got infected in the first place because Cucurucho told him the eggs were in the nether and he went investigate#also stop blaming him for happy pills? Cucurucho literally kidnapped and forcefully drug him#once again because he’s president and has to be the model resident#and let the leo thing go omg it was one time six months ago#unless leo brings it up herself it has nothing to do with this!!#JESUS#and if I see one person asking who's the president now I'm gonna blow up the presidential building myself#NO ONE#THE ANSWER IS NO ONE#qsmp forever#qsmp baribal#qsmp dark cucurucho
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oh how the poor sleeping habits tables have turned
#liza writes#fake dating real feelings#erasermic#q#a surprising amount of this fic has been like#aizawa: damn you live like this#mic: not a word. not. a word.#‘you live like this? no. WE live like this’#this is actually my wip wednesday snippet for twitter tomorrow but i'm posting it here first this time#also trying to decide if i should just like. post the first chapter like just do it!!!#last week i found myself rewriting again and i'm not sure if it's because it needed to be rewritten or i was just so tired of looking at it#that i started rewriting it to look at something different#those seconds have been guessed!!#but every time someone likes or reblogs or replies to or asks me about this fic my heart grows three sizes#and is then immediately seized by terror#which is totally worth it but like#ack and alack and so forth#also i've made a promise to myself not to post anything else until i get the first chapter of this out there#so like the star wars au and brave the dark and the expansion pack are all just twiddling their thumbs#and i don't want to accidentally give myself writers block lol#okay ramble over idk what to do but by neptune i will figure it out#gondor calls for aid and whatnot
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[Collapsed on my desk] 70 file edits by myself while half of our system was down and i was hunting down a rogue fax number. Finally caught up
#Office to myself today but not only that our department is still empty#Which means i can use the bathroom in the break room next door#Which means i dont have to even leave my little hall all day#And they have the lights off out there lol cuz fuck us. So i can sit here in the dark. But do i want to#For the like three times someone comes down fhe hall they might peak in here and make conversation abt me being in the dark#As if a person in the dark wants conversation. Lol
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well. did you fucking miss me.
#random thoughts#apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it#i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful#which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain#i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough#and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary#fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW#I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT#I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW#(<- tags canceled for now)
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Coming in to play! (Patreon)
#Doodles#Webkinz#Webkinz hours! The cute lads have wedged their way back to the forefront of my mind haha#I'm honestly really glad I kept all my Webkinz plush over time and they've survived all the moves and whatnot#Some are still missing - most notably my horses for some reason - but I have the rest onhand and they're still cute and soft and I love them#Getting the opportunity to name and play with them as a young'un made them stick quite strongly in my mind ♪#And I still find some of my design sensibilities with their roots in the gameplay/game design/UI design/interactivity#I think it inspired some of my Video Game Design brain which is an aspect of myself I'm quite happy with :D#And I /love/ plushies probably now more than ever <3 So I'm doubly glad younger me didn't get rid of them haha#Got my lineup that featured in Tala's Requestober this year ♥ I left out a couple for what are probably obvious reasons ahem ahem#If you haven't seen what the Official design of the clownfish is in Webkinz... The plushy is arguably worse lol why that one of all of them#Hire me to design Webkinz fish I dare you#There are actually several cute fish - and several ugly ones! Lol I don't know why they're so inconsistent#It's not like the differences between Signature and Classic! Most of the fish are Classic or eStore! I don't know what gives lol#Anyway lol the other one I left out was my Night Mare since I couldn't remember his name either - which is a shame! I liked him#I still have some fairly clear memories of playing Webkinz with those lads <3 Of the different rooms and relationships and games#It's nostalgic! It's nice to reminisce on something so cheery and cute and light and fluffy :)#As for the rest hehe - I tend to pick up 'kinz whenever I find them at secondhand shops and the like - much like Lalaloopsies#They're out of production! Harder to find - rare and valuable haha totally#I haven't found any New With Tags so far but I'm on the hunt still!! Someday it'll be my turn...#But I Have found some really adorable fellows for cents on the dollar haha <3 Two Blue Whales and a Sheep and Duck!! So cute#My latest find was a Lil'kinz Lioness Cub and she is - So tiny <3 Really adorably constructed with a fluffy nose ahhh ♪#The Long Eared Bunny is my current Free 'kinz! I unfortunately lost the account with Baaby so I had to start over again but that's alright#This time I've got Embroidery and she's in a closet cosplay of Edgar haha - black-and-grey striped shirt with dark pants and round glasses#And angel wings! I was able to snag those from the Ganz website and they're perfect honestly haha ♥ She won an Open Beauty Pageant with it!#Couple of her with Sugar - my first Webkinz I got to play with since Diamond's tag was thrown away :') Sugar's my oldest 'kinz <3#And of her with smol's Free 'kinz since I convinced her to play with me off and on haha - her Leonberger named Borgus :D#And then one final one of what I'd really like - a Webkinz Spider ;;♥ I /know/ they've made spider objects that are really cute!#And April Fools' fake pets of a spider!! Give me the fluffy spider please Ganz even if there's no plushie I just need to pet the spider
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now that artfight is over i can take some time to properly design them before i make new refs
#null havoc damage#ultraman showtime#allegro and lyle are basically done i think. i just gave allegro his arm fins back#i took them off at one point but after remembering that belial and geed have them im putting em back on#i still think lyle looks too simple but then again whenever i try to draw a showa ultra i go 'this is too simple'#so im leaving him as he is .#i adapted zero darkness' markings for zstar this time and i like it a lot i think the lightning bolt esc patterns look super cool#marize also looks too simple but alas... i dont want to overdesign her either#im also not sure i like the shade of pink i picked for her metal i might mess with her colors more#but i like the idea of her metallic bits being iridescent bc she looks like a fish#i did not attempt to do that in the shading though . which may be why it looks bad#idk. my power is flickering so im too scared to draw on my pc so ipad doodles are happening instead#i also dont know why i gave zstar that stupid ass smirk i just drew it on her and was like yeah ok#I DIDNT MEAN TO MAKE THE BOYS MATTE AND THE GIRLS SHINY. THATS JUST HOW IT SHOOK OUT#allegro could be shiny but when i tried to make him shiny it looked weird. might try again later#i think i just need to do a bunch of iterations with marize and then pick one and make myself be satisfied with it#or else im going to mess with her design for weeks on end. sorry mari
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youtube
here's a neat vid, go watch it if you haven't yet
there's Some things that i don't completely agree with personally, like attributing the Third sin to Materialism rather than Connection (i'd argue that the Ancients had no big issue with being materialistic, considering their golden attires and such- and that going with Connection overall better addresses both the core of Materialism and relationships overall) and then attributing the word Dynasty specifically to asian cultures but that's more history/word definition beef more than anything djgklsjlcgjkd
oh how i'd love to have a debate with this guy about Ancients...
#spot says stuff#rw#history fact: a dynasty was present big time around the years 800-1000 (iirc) on a large territory in eu which included slovakia#at the core of it per its definition a dynasty is just ''the same family ruled over the lands throughout multiple generations'' tho so its-#-not special or anything. with that definition in mind you can see how dynasties were also european things with all the kings and stuff#its just more often used for asian countries cuz they held out longer with the family stuff probably. or all the damn royal family drama-#-that happened there........ my Gods i know only a few chinese stories but Shit man there was a lot djgklsjgld#i wonder if identifying family members in the Ancient society happened through colors... like Sparrows n her siblings are colored from-#-dark blue (Dad's og clrs before turning grey) to turquoise (Inkling) and through this color coordination are the dynasties named#that's some fun thoughts#this video is prompting some neat thoughts.. ego is the culmination of the sins in short is one of them for example#did this guy actually come into contact with shkika or smth. the 'civilization before the ones we recognize as ancients' stuff at the end-#-sounds very familiar. -makes it to the end- Ah. The RW Discord. i wonder where that thought originated n who parroted it from who#☝ personally making the conscious effort to not seep myself into the fandom Too much since i like thinking about this stuff so i dont want-#-any fan-based answers/speculations. just wanna vibe with it uninfluenced n see where that takes me. also the rw discord feels dangerous
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Hmhm~
It finally happened. I finally have a conventionally attractive anime(esque) boy that I can fawn over.
#fields of mistria#i don't know if i've talked about this#but i'm not generally attracted to anime style characters#they just don't do much for me most of the time. (and there's a difference between characters I like and characters i fawn over.)#but this guy right here is hitting almost all of my checkboxes#pink haired boy? check#pink haired boy with dark skin? bonus points#he's got something he's nerdy about? (digging in the dirt and D&D) check.#i can feed him snacks? check.#the only thing i don't really like about him are his outfits#he's a noble so his outfits are very princely which just isn't my thing#i'd like to see him in more casual/modern clothes#otherwise i can see myself getting really obsessed with him. maybe even 'make a doll' levels of obsessed#oh. speaking of this game. it's my first farm sim ever. it's early access but i like it so far#however it is what i feared a farm sim would be:#something that causes me anxiety because i'm trying to do so much at once in a time limit#from what i can tell this game is very unpunishing compared to other farm sims so i should take it easy#but there's a self-imposed pressure that's hard to shake#like sometimes it feels like i can't to the thing i actually want to do because something else takes priority#however since i've mostly done all the things that early access has to offer#that pressure has been alleviated somewhat. so now that i'm taking things at a slower pace i feel like things are more enjoyable#and i can focus on breeding all the pink animals~
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facing the hardest decision of my life rn how am i supposed to choose which color i want
#the navy is so snowy night vibes but the white really captures the simaenaga image#i cannot get both or i lose my voca cd allowance#theres a light blue one too but im not that type of person#the dark one is also giving me a rime feel while the white feels like tenshi.#which may or may not be what last nights poll was about HINT HINT#uhhhhhh but i do want one for myself. provided they arent sold out by the time i get to the store at like. 2-3 pm#the skirts have a ribbon in the back made to look like simaenaga tails 🥺🥺🥺
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