#which sucks but I know myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

justaplacetotalk · 9 months ago

Text

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to be alone

#not doing well today chief #I don’t really know why either #I think I need to leave the house tbh #but idk where to go or what to do #I wanna ask a friend to go somewhere but odds are they’re busy #I mean. we’re all students. and it’s a Tuesday.#I’ll be done with class in about an hour or so but I doubt they will be #ughhhhhhhhh #it’s fine. odds are I’ll probably do nothing #which sucks but I know myself #and getting out of the house is damn near impossible if I have to go alone #luckily after this week I have dnd on Tuesdays #so at least next week I’ll be in a little better shape social-wise

0 notes

bacchuschucklefuck · 8 months ago

Text

I know a normal amount abt waistcoats

#fantasy high junior year #riz gukgak #heard americans call those vests. deranged. thats not what that is #riz gukgak is a character made to target me specifically bc I am aroace and I love drawing formal menswear more than god #tho Ive been giving riz hard sole shoes which. wouldnt be good for stealth #I wear those I know. you can hear that shit through a meter of concrete #probably less important in a setting with real actual magic so its fine. but its something I do think abt #this kid is so fun to draw... its a Problem for me. I have to force myself to do my goddamn job knowing I could be drawing him instead #its a curse. I have to treat myself at the end of the day. sucks to be here so much

483 notes · View notes

makiswirl · 6 months ago

Text

can i just say. and this is probably a niche hill to die on. that i am so gobsmacked every time someone vaguely hints at the idea that jotaro doesn't care meaningfully for the other crusaders, usually particularly kakyoin and joseph, when those two actually tend to be the ones he reacts to being hurt the hardest

like he cares for his loved ones!!!! that literally plays into his character motives in every single part he shows up in!!! stop lying to me!!!!!!!

#me.txt #jjba #i'm going to ramble in tags actually. excuse me #ok. rereading sdc and so confused at the general perception of jotaro and his friends/family. he's not NEARLY as flat or as dickish #i understand that the anime (particularly the dub) tends to slander him but even then he still clearly cares for them! i'm confused #i also understand that a lot of people dig against jotaro and kakyoin as a dynamic because 'they're popular' and that generally disliking #popular things across media is a thing that i've seen consistently everywhere but the discredit to them simply as a DUO and not even as a #pairing is so..... odd..... like they're considered to be a duo that clicks for a reason. i enjoyed them even before i got into the fandom #every time i see someone say jotaro is overrated/dull i take a shot and assume they're an anime-only or only read the manga like once btw #joseph and jotaro also have a neat dynamic and they obviously both love and care for each other. like they're not going to go around loudly #or anything but literally the entirety of the lovers and the prelude to the dio fight IS jotaro being worked up over joseph getting hurt #equally i don't know if it translates to the anime as much but joseph is VERY complimentary when it comes to jotaro. like he sings his #praises so often and reminds everyone that he's his grandson so frequently (d'arby the gamer is a good example of this). either way it's so #peculiar....... there's not enough avdol and jotaro content btw (also in canon) because jotaro obviously looks up to him and avdol jokes #around with him on the occasion they interact after their intro which doesn't start very well. it's very cute #i do think an important thing to note about jotaro's character is how he acts AFTER his intro because he's so drastically different. early #jotaro and later jotaro aren't the same character and i do not mean this in a character development way. excluding the jail incident he's #completely different and probably shouldn't really be taken into account (especially considering the amount of slapstick in araki's intros)#and i think that's really???? what people center on for his character? Which sucks balls bad!#anyways. i could ramble more about this if asked i have so much to say but sigh. jotaro cares so much for his friends and family he's not a #flat fully cold asshole character regardless of whether you watch the anime or ova or read the manga. you just have poor media literacy #i wouldn't recommend watching solely the anime for his character though. the dub also changes a lot so it's... questionable #i love the anime and it's still important for him though. also adds neat stuff. i need to stop myself. i have many thoughts on the matter #jotaro kujo #joseph joestar #noriaki kakyoin #adding in case anyone sees: i am not saying that he is perfect about this. in fact he is very ass about it with jolyne and holly and that's #very important. he also is in fact an asshole sometimes. NOT as much as you guys are making him though!#please don't get me started on how much of a dick etc people make kakyoin to veer away from the 'woobified' characterizations of him #in fact i think that's bad if not worse because it CLAIMS to be in character. hes a prim asshole at times but not that angry or dishevelled

199 notes · View notes

skunkes · 6 months ago

Text

reposting some old doodles i still enjoy a bit

#a doodley #guys im having realizations i dont really know what to do with #ive said this tons before but my main issue with art rn is like #i Know anatomy. and what it's Meant to look like. my issue is straying away from Correct and going with Good like how some of my stuff was #before i really started learning. loose and not restricted #but my obstacle is that nobody draws the way i want to draw. and im bad at coming up with my own stuff...i need to copy and osmose off #someone else. well. it turns out there is someone who draws the way i draw. and its cheye of the past.#dont get me wrong if i look thru the rest of the art in the (year) folder these came from; 80% of it sucks #i wish i cld have what past cheye had but with current cheye tweaks and refinement #but idk how to do that. something weird has happened to my mind i really cant envision and make art the same way anymore #idk how he did it back then....i wish i Knew bc current me cant make anything out of sketching or thumbnails or just going at it #arghhh #i try and force myself to draw stuff like this now (interactions) and it looks. so stiff. and bad proportion wise but idk how to fix it #which isnt to say the proportions (for example) in THESE drawings are perfect but they dont scream Wrong or Bad or Incorrect to me ykwim...#idk! idk what to do with this. ive never known how to go back and study my own stuff

266 notes · View notes

scribefindegil · 27 days ago

Text

i miss. leaving the house :(

#curseblogging #being entirely dependent on your friends for Everything really gets you down after a while #i miss when i could run errands by myself #i miss this summer when we managed to go to the farmer's market on weekends #i miss back before i got sick when i could just. do things.#and i'm scared of burning people out by asking for too much #and i'm scared that we'll have to move somewhere where i don't have any support and i'll be trapped at home by myself all the time #and i'm scared of how being disabled makes me dependent on a government that's about to be run by someone who actively wants me to die #AND i'm scared that if my baseline stays this low for the next few months i won't be able to sew my wedding dress in time #being sick is really scary and really hard and i am trying SO hard to get through it #and hang on to the little joys #but sometimes it just really sucks you know?#anyway. time for more tea and the electric blanket #and my favorite seed catalog which arrived today #and maybe a few sentences of writing if i can swing it #we keep going. that's all we can do.

45 notes · View notes

kirby-the-gorb · 2 years ago

Text

#kirby #daily kirby #my art #digital #hal laboratory #nintendo #it was a hard day today.#sometimes you just gotta cry for an hour about requiring significant assistance to do basic stuff that you don't actually have help with rn!#(my wife is working 6 12s at a job we had to move across the country for)#(which means 1 she is *exhausted* at *all* times and struggling to even meet her own needs)#(and 2 our other partner and all our family and friends are. multiple days away by car. so they can't come help.)#it's getting hard to even stick leftovers in the microwave for myself but no one else is able to cook for me.#it sucks.#(we're moving again in june because this was a 1-year position from the beginning)#(and the idea is for our other partner to move in with us which will help a lot)#(plus my wife should be switching to a reliably 5-day week at that time)#(but we don't know where we're going for another month and a half.)#(so we can't really do any groundwork or anything to make that happen.)#(and having zero agency other than sitting and waiting and getting worse alone Really Sucks!)#I guess this is a bit of a secret part two to yesterday's meducation lol #favorites

808 notes · View notes

olasketches · 4 months ago

Text

jjk ends in 5 chapters... wow.. :"))

#for the past week I've been in a constant state of fear and anxiety over this manga and the last week's chapter really did for me...#but now that I know that the manga ends in 5 chapters... I can finally calm down #Im not even feeling disappointed (at least rn) which I thought would be the case after hearing the news...#but oddly enough I only smiled to myself and felt a sense of relief #seeing how the story is quickly wrapping up and not knowing how long we have left till the end was more anxiety inducing than I thought #but now that I know makes me feel a bit more at ease weirdly??#endings suck in general and as a rule I don't expect stories to have a satisfying ending and that's how I've always felt about jjk #gege actually surprise me in more ways than I thought and his story gave me a lot more than a I could have a asked for #whatever he planned for the ending I hope it'll leave him satisfy and happy #I am beyond grateful to gege for giving us this special story #jujutsu kaisen will always have an important place in my heart #thank you gege akutami <3 #jjk

43 notes · View notes

rileys-battlecats · 23 days ago

Text

was trying to figure out why I feel so Wrong rn and I think it's because I didn't follow my usual daily routine like At All and now my brain is freaking out. woke up at a vastly different time, had entirely different tasks throughout the day, took a nap at a weird time (to make up for the fact I had about 3 hours of sleep last night), zero human contact for the past 15 hours, and ate different food from usual (various leftovers from social events/thanksgiving, instead of cooking for myself like normal). and before I really realized that these were all things that were Bad For My Brain I was just wandering around my house like "why do I feel like garbage?? I've literally been outside so much today my brain should be happy"

ANYWAY here's to me not remembering I have issues with unstructured living because my days have been so similar for the past 4ish years that I straight up Forgot that things being too different too fast makes me crazy ✌️

#rye.txt #I'll be fine lol #the sudden shift in my daily schedule and my generally unhealthy eating today were the big things that made me feel Bad #so now that I am actually cognizant of this I can take steps to mitigate it tomorrow #god. what the hell did I even eat #leftover soup. that was breakfast (very out of my ordinary). uhh. a lot of pie (grandma made a ton for thanksgiving).#a tangerine that miiight have been on the edge of going bad #(thought I should eat a fruit. fruit did not improve status)#reheated popcorn chicken? that was not a good decision I felt so gross after eating that #hrm. ok my issue is that I feel like I Need To Eat These Leftovers So They Don't Go Bad #otherwise i'll be Wasting Perfectly Good Food #BUT. I don't want to eat it and eating it makes me feel generally unfulfilled and kinda blehg #ough. why can't I be normallllll #I'm also not dealing with the whole 'zero human contact' very well tbh. which is weird because I'm a deeply introverted person #and usually spend my days avoiding people like the plague #but idk. it's been literal years since I've spent and extended period of time completely alone #I don't knowwww i don't know #I'm gonna invite some friends over tomorrow and get them to help me eat these dang pies #ALSO. ITS BEEN REALLY COLD TODAY. AND I HAD TO BREAK INTO MY NEIGHBORS' HOUSE #(was not breaking in; I was trying to take care of their dogs since they're out of town)#(but their door code AND their garage door code weren't working #and I didn't have a physical key to use #so I had to push my way in through a back door that'd been blocked by a pile of boxes taller than my head #and squirm into their garage in order to get inside and take care of the dogs)#(was a very stressful way to spend my early waking hours)#i ALSO had to drive to the AIRPORT this morning which SUCKED. had to drop off family #which like I'm happy to help but also airports suck so much ass I hate them #anyway. today was sort of shitty #but mostly I only have myself to blame #did not structure my day well enough

21 notes · View notes

hyohaehyuk · 2 months ago

Text

Jacob (in the 1st video): "it's like you kind of, by watching this show you're sort of living out maybe like things that you didn't know- you- thought-," *looks at sam*, "i mean i'm just exposing myself..."

Screenshots from Man About Town magazine, Jacob Anderson and Sam Reid's Reddit AMA answers, NME - Jacob Anderson: “‘Game Of Thrones’ never really felt like a big deal to me”, vmagazine - Acting up with Jacob Anderson and Vanityfair - Jacob Anderson Loves Doing “Insane” Things on Interview With the Vampire

Videos from DISH Studio and IWTV 1x03 podcast (info compilation via lovesjar)

There he goes again… is it the murder and blood drinking or the gay sex?! which one it is, Jacob? 🤭

#jam reiderson #sam reid #jacob anderson #season 1 press was almost a countdown for him to come out.#maybe one day he will so let's pray IWTV runs for long so that one day he feels comfortable enough to out himself 🙏#quoting the comments in the link #'Which could mean nothing-' Nah that meant something #No for real what else could this mean besides… you know…#they’ve explored each other’s bodies #sam shaking in his boots while jacob out here telling their business😭😭😭😭#sam staring at jacob like he was trying to telepathically warn him that he's about to come out #as bisexual in the middle of a dish studio interview #the way sam immediately looks over🤣meanwhile poor delainey's just over there third wheeling #he either wants to drink blood or suck d*ck and we all know which one is more likely to be true 🧏‍♀️#the quick panic in sam’s face … cinema #the stare and awkward smile trying to figure out where the hell he’s going with this they’re fucking hilarious #he keeps looking to delainey for help and she’s like nope deal with it yourself they’re so hilarious #sam staring at jacob like he was trying to telepathically warn him that he's about to come out in the middle of a interview #jacob saying “you’re kind of living out things you didn’t know you thought..i mean im just exposing myself here” while looking at sam i sai

39 notes · View notes

swallowtail-ageha · 4 months ago

Text

I think someone should study the fact that all of the moral issues people have with coleen hoover are just the modern day version of "this erotic literature will corrupt our pure women!"

#she literally. she literally writes modern day bodice ripper romances. y'all grandmas #consumed that shit as if tomorrow wouldnt come #hell i myself think that her writing sucks but. im not gonna raise a rabble or go on a moral crusade with 'oh i am so worried for the young #girls who might read this and think abuse is ok!' which is just. so incredibly stupid #and is one of the instances where people will literally blame anything but the abuser themselves in a DV situation #(and like doesnt account on how girls can and do know how to differentiate fiction from reality #me reading smutty bully harry stiles fics at twelve with dubious consent didnt lead to my grooming #because i *knew* that an asshole beating you up at school and then saying no i love u now was wrong and abusers #are way more insidious than that #there are also people going 'oh but her being widespread is the reason why media literacy is so low' baby it doesnt work like that #the booktoker saying she cant read stories that are too complicated wouldntve been miracolously a good reader if coho didnt exist #she wouldve just read. harry potter or other YAs. media literacy and reading comprehension are tools that can be sharpened #but aren't really *gainable* yknow unless they are put into you really young thru school and we all know school doesnt do that #also comment i found funny was someone going 'teens who read coho will grow up saying that wuthering heights is a love story'#<-da hell is that thang. whuhei is 100% a love story all the players being assholes doesnt mean it isnt a romance

35 notes · View notes

skibasyndrome · 3 months ago

Text

.

#not to be a broken lil man on main #but I was on the phone with my dad for 30 minutes just now (that's a lot for a phone call with him) and like.... damn. yeah. i do have one #parent who's not horrible huh #we talked a lot about my plans for the future...... which I only now told him bcs scary and bcs........ I never ever during my 25 years of #being alive got the impression from my parents that something like this would be an acceptable career choice or something they'd support #and I mean. my [redacted] of a mother is the best example for how. not alright it is with her that I'm doing something that's not very...#traditional for this family #but anyways. my dad was absolutely fucking lovely #to the point that I get getting teary eyed and felt my throat closing up cause. huh. i guess in his own way he does love me and believe in #he asked me to send him a link or a pdf of my first conference report because he wants to keep it somewhere 😭😭😭😭😭😭#I'm....... ouch. ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch #you know the ghosting I am really good at with tumblr chats (sorry guys. ilu. I just suck at communication)???? i'm also extremely good at #that with whatsapp chats and just. not calling my irl loved ones #so idk. hearing him say he understands and just wanted to make sure I wasn't upset with him and like. wanted to know if I was doing okay.#damn. okay. damn #idk #this was such a good talk and he was so suppertive and non-judgemental and I actually told him about my birthday and how my mother's call #upset me and he was like. yeah. same. and like... he's basically gone no contact with her as well as it turns out #idk. I really should give him more credit and like... I feel like there's so much shifting and change and development happening while I'm n #not there and sometimes it's hard to remember that he actually /could/ understand some things. just cause I've always been so used to not #sharing anything about myself because it wasn't safe when I was younger and... idk........ lots of emotions going on rn #so glad we talked though. so glad #simon.out.#if you read all this.... idk man.... sorry for oversharing but thanks for caring ig <3

35 notes · View notes

communistkenobi · 11 months ago

Text

now that I haven’t lived with my parents for almost two years I’m starting to come to terms with myself as a full human being. and like idk I can’t really complain about my parents too much in terms of their overall parenting of me, I feel like I’m lucky in a lot of respects just based on the horrific shit some of my friends/family have gone through, but I feel like one consequence of how much my parents fucking hated each other for my entire life is that I feel like I have no reference point for showing affection or being emotionally considerate/vulnerable, those things tend to make me deeply uncomfortable and disempower me to do nice things for the people I love. I feel like I have to really concentrate and spend time on emotional reciprocity and spontaneous gifts/gestures of love. genuinely just kind of sucks how much my parents despise one another and how their constant fighting and days-long silent treatments over the course of 25 years has made me feel inadequate to the task of showing the people I care about how much I love them

#also protestantism will do this to you which is definitely some of it #my therapy insurance renewed for this year maybe I should do a couple sessions about this lol #I feel like I’m making progress on it but it genuinely feels really difficult. It’s like I don’t know what to do with myself #also the middle class thing of just buying shit to express affection #it’s so hollow and meaningless & it’s given me a really cynical and utilitarian perspective on giving gifts #which sucks! I don’t like having that view of gifts. possibly one of the oldest human social practices in all of history #aside from maybe art

80 notes · View notes

deoidesign · 7 months ago

Text

.

#ok finally making a post about meds #I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset #so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but #it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways #so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone #like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus #my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night #sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired #it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted #but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too #but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared #so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow #anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING #that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up #I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world #and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on #and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!

45 notes · View notes

tirfpikachu · 2 months ago

Text

life update i'm debilitatingly lazy and it's causing problems once more. thinks about needing to do something unpleasurable or boring and i want to cry and go back to watching toxic yuri anime and eating garbage and getting cuddles for it all. to top it all off, i always tragically feel much better once i get shit done and my place is clean and i scratched things off my list. sometimes the "you're so valid it's okay to self-care it's okay to rest!" attitude in neurodivergent spaces ends up becoming an unhealthy crutch. sometimes the comfort becomes toxic the way that toxic positivity can cause harm. sometimes you need to kick yourself in the butt and get shit done and sometimes you need to corner yourself and give yourself a firm talking to and listen to energizing music and tell yourself you can be as lazy as you want afterwards, you just need to Do The Damn Thang

#lay text #anyways i will allow myself to feel bad for myself for a bit and complain and groan and whine etc etc for a bit #but i know i gotta do the thing in the enddddd :(#and then i get to do fun lazy stuff #esp since my gf is coming over #which is the best carrot to dangle in front of me #being an adult SUCKS sometimes #but it's also good for me #ugh

20 notes · View notes

rapidhighway · 3 months ago

Text

venting like an idiot

the main reason i dont wanna go back to uni is that i feel like i've completely embarrassed myself last year. idk, i feel horrified at the thought of returning and looking these people in the eye. i didn't do anything, i was lazy and barely finished my projects and the only way to redeem myself somehow would be to come back with some new energy and work hard. i didn't even really get a job this summer because i really wanted to rest, cause i thought i would drop out. and i just feel worse, i feel even more tired

#ughhhh #im not going to drop out just yet #itd be a shame i think #theres many opportunities at my uni that i just dont take cause i cant commit to them or im too tired or im too scared #idk if doing any of this is worth it if i don't truly commit tho #i dont think ive learned anything these past 2 years tbh i feel like ive been wasting time and money #and i know my mental state is just my fault cause i cant get myself to do anything and i feel shame and spiral but goddd #idk i just feel like shit #the academic year starts so soon and i just dread everything thats to come #idk i dont even feel like im going to come out of this school with a portfolio. im literally nothing and ive done nothing #i have no idea how i could write a dissertation because ive literally learned nothing i have no desire to learn i just want to fucking chil #i cant get myself to care much for anything except silly shit thats just a distraction from uni work ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh #sucks sucks everything sucks #sorry for this stupid fucking essay im just having lots of thoughts and no one to tell them so.. um #vent #i know this is all my fault but also like. what am i supposed to do about it every solution sounds like literal hell to me -_-#i guess ive been feeling less suicidal recently which i guess is good but i feel like its bad cause like ykiyk ig #idk its all a huge contradiction

24 notes · View notes

parin-gurumin · 6 months ago

Text

#homestuck #kankri vantas #karkat vantas #look like i get it the hair in HS is goofy from the side but dammmmmn i hate when plushies get a thin strip of fabric for hair it SUCKS #btw i have like 70+ plushes and all but idk 2 are on my bed and it's just terrible to change my sheets and whatnot #also they take up a LOT of my bed i just have enough space for me to fit and the rest of the space is plushies #some of which are VERY big #omantptbs #i recorded myself coloring this before i added the plushes and lets just say...i eventually zoomed in and laughed like THIS LOOKS TERRIBLE #oh i forgot to finish my earlier thought yea so like i have some game character plushes and I EASILY favor the craft on the ones where they #make the hair like........a cloth pocket thing idk i dont sew or know terms but like the OPPOSITE of the cheap 1 layer fabric thing

34 notes · View notes