#which obviously they aren't saying to mum

[deeisace]

Alright. Train home.

I've run out of tags so I best shut up before I cry (again)

[georgia-stanway]

Signed up for German evening classes probably given myself far too much work and not 100% sure I've picked the right level but being entrusted with the family recipe book when my nan passes feels like a lot of responsibility so I should probably at least try to not have to completely rely on google translate to use it, particularly as the only one who I think could know German is my uncle who lived in Munich for a bit.

[bottomoftheriverbed]

Both sides of my family view religion as an incredibly personal thing so even if they're religious they tend not to talk about it a lot and church attendance is very much not mandatory and there is no greater example of this than the fact that we don't actually know whether or not my dad was baptised. He has an invitation to his uncle asking to be his godfather so we know what church he would have been baptised in (interestingly it's an anglican church in his mother's hometown rather than his local church - presumably a compromise between my (anglican) grandfather and my (baptist) great grandmother) but because his uncle hasn't signed it we're not actually a 100% sure he was in fact baptised.

[nefertitiacai]

Astro observations : "I GOT IT FROM MY DADDY" (AND MOMMY) edition

yk that one "DADDY" song by PSY sksksk

🪷 Venus in 4th house is an indicater of person being very beautiful and blessed with good looking genetics. They can also be conventionally attractive since 4th house also rules homeland, so they may be deemed as attractive where they live. A genetically blessed placement.

🪷 Jupiter in the 4th house is also an indicator for having a feature that may be "large" that runs through the family. Like being voluptuous or tall. Again a "genetically blessed" placement.

🪷 Sun/Jupiter in the 10th house individuals can learn a lot of stuff related to careers and build connections through their father.

🪷 Moon/Saturn in the second house may have some distinct facial features which resemble their parents. As both are considered planets that rule over parents and the second house rules over face.

🔴 (TW: Generational Trauma) ⏬

(also the observation and remedies which I've mentioned are purely based on generalization, if you may be dealing with it on a serious note then consulting a medical/health care professional is what is required💚)

🪷 Those who have Mars/Chiron/Saturn/Pluto in the 4th house/cancer/conj Moon may beat themselves up for a certain "flaw" which they consider themselves to have. This habit or problem may make them feel powerless. As if they are unable to change it. However, in actuality that "problem" didn't start with them but may be a generational thing/a characteristic which got inherited from a family member. [Our genetics play a major role in general with the way we are today (yes even personality-wise). But one can change it by will and if they indulge in self-improvement techniques like meditation, visualization, journaling with clear intentions, and other mindful activities]

📚 (PS. as a book enthusiast to others who are into reading self help books I'd recommend those who are dealing with such problems to read the book "It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle" by Mark Wolynn 😃)

(TW: mommy issues) moon conj Pluto placement and being notorious with mommy issues.

However, in my case, I have this placement and I don't feel it to be like that. My relationship with my mom is a very typical one. We have different views on certain stuff but we aren't toxic. Nonetheless, what I consider really to be toxic is my mom's side of the family and her childhood had also not been the best. So this placement actually may be something regarding the fact that your mum had to go through a lot and if you know that fact then it is easy to forgive her and give her a tight hug whenever you can.

This placement can also be an indicator of the child's mom going through a stressful phase during the time of the birth.

🟢 TW over, ok enough with sad stuff now 🤧

🪷 It is an observation but I've noticed Sagittarius, Pisces, Capricorn, Aquarius, and Leo placements folks may resemble their father's looks and personality-wise distinctively. Like there's that one feature that they may also be known for like, "you have a smile like your dad". It may be due to them being ruled by Jupiter, Saturn, and sun respectively, the celestial bodies which deal with "fatherly figures" in astrology.

🪷 Leo, Cancer, Aries, Gemini and Capricorn placements 🤝 acting all wholesome and cute when their mom is around.

🪷 If you and your sibling both have prominent mercury placements then you might hear someone saying this at some point "oh YoU BOth LoOk likE eACh otHer a Lot" and y'all will be like "b*tch no, from which angle, I am obviously more gorgeous 😤" 

🪷You know being a Sagittarius 🐎(also honorable mention Aquarius and Pisces) this proverb literally go with us for our parents 'You can lead a horse 🐎 to water but you can't make him drink '

📚[ PS.  if the horse is willing then only it'll drink, you can't drink water on its behalf. (That's the universal truth with life btw, you are responsible for your own tasks. Others can only guide you but in the end, it's you who will have to act, innit)]

Even though it is for our own "good" and "wellbeing" that our parents do and force these placements to be doing things in a certain way these placements will only "keep drink up to it" if it gives them a feeling of expansion and freedom. (That's why Sagittarius and Pisces placements are deemed to be "irresponsible" but that's not the case. And Aquarius placements have a reputation to be "rebellious" but that's unlikely. These placements most of the time may think ahead of their time and may have a bigger picture on things that's why they may consider certain tasks to be irrelevant (however it can also backfire and this certainly doesn't mean to be an excuse to run away))

🪷 Virgo and Libra placements tend to have good mannerisms which may be taught by their parents. They are big on punctuality. Also, they are well-behaved and sweet people. Often being talked about as "their parents raised them well". 

Virgo is associated with the 6th house which is also the house that rules over service so they tend to be helpful. Libra on the other hand is associated with the 7th house which is the house of partnerships, that's why they like to treat people with kindness and have a pleasing appeal. Like a comrade. (Although this also has a shadow aspect to it, this can make these placements to be perfectionists in unhealthy amounts and they may start to have people-pleasing tendencies. They may also grow pessimistic since many people may view their kindness to be their weakness, which is not true at all you guys, y'all are great and don't fall into what those low vibrational people have to say.)

It's 11:11 while I type this 💫 also, umaru chan is so adorable

[intuitive-revelations]

I've got a kind-of crack theory about Ruby's mother...

Back in The Church on Ruby Road, Ruby is invited onto Long Lost Family, a genealogy TV program hosted by Davina McCall, with the hope of finding some information about her bio family. Unfortunately, they come up with nothing.

[ID: 6 gifs showing Ruby and Davina McCall talking to each other on the phone from The Church on Ruby Road. Davina apologies to Ruby, who tries to hide her upset at the news.

DAVINA: "There is no trace of your mum or dad. I'm sorry. It happens sometimes." RUBY: "No, that's fine... Thanks but, um, could you keep looking?" DAVINA: "No, there's nothing more we can do. If your parents aren't on some kind of database, we can't find them." RUBY: "Ok, um... isn't that unusual though? There's not a single trace anywhere? I mean... in the whole wide world, my mother's never left a blood sample or anythin'?"]

Now obviously, I know tracking down family is hard and, especially for orphans and adopted children, there's no gurantee that you'll be able to get the information you need. But I do find it odd there's seemingly "no trace" of Ruby's parents.

The section where I go on an odd tangent about genealogy

Speaking as someone who isn't a genealogist, but does enjoy researching family history in what little spare time they have... in my experience, close DNA matches aren't that hard to find. Especially if you're of white european descent, as Ruby is (presumably).

(It's generally harder for other ethnicities, as most research resources are white english/american focused. I know this is especially tricky for people like african-americans, where many of one's ancestors may have been enslaved. I've personally also found it tricky with Jewish communities as historically many of them used patronymic names prior to the 1800s, plus you have to account for immigration name changes, pogroms etc.)

For example, as someone who is white, with a mix of various british, mainland european, and ashkenazi ancestors, I actually have thousands of DNA matches, just from an autosomal test on Ancestry alone, let alone something like an mtDNA, xDNA or yDNA test:

[ID: Edited screenshot showing maternal and paternal DNA matches on my AncestryDNA profile. There are 16279 maternal matches and 9745 paternal matches.]

Obviously, due to the way family trees work, most of these are distant matches, however it does include plenty of close ones too, which I've been able to trace to real records and identify relationships with. Personally, my matches even already include many 1st and 2nd cousins, albeit usually a one or two degrees removed, especially as the userbase tends to swing older on these websites. This includes a few people close enough for me to have already known them from family functions and shared annecdotes. Meanwhile, where I did have blank spots, from immigrations, estranged family members, early deaths etc, I've been able to fill in a lot of information.

So what does it mean that there's "no trace" of Ruby's family?

Deliberate or not?

The big question I've had since The Church on Ruby Road is: just how untraceable is Ruby's family?

On one hand, I feel like if this was real life and professional TV genealogists were helping you, you'd get a bit more information than a quick phone call saying they've got zilch. If they're sharing nothing... do they literally have nothing?

On the other hand, this also feels like a writing shortcut. We don't really need 3 hours of Davina McCall sat with Ruby at a computer breaking down every question and theory about possible family members. Ultimately, this was probably just a way to quickly get some major exposition out there, plus throw in a Christmas celebrity cameo for casual viewers. The fact they only talk about Ruby's "parents" being in a DNA database, and no-one else, doesn't give me a lot of faith in the care for accuracy RTD took with this plot point tbh.

Indeed Davina does say 'it happens sometimes', which could indicate it's not as extreme as having zero close relatives...

...but Ruby also asks if it's unusual for there to be no trace of anything, which Davina doesn't answer. If we're asking that question, it sounds like things really could have turned up that blank.

It may not be easy for orphans and adoptees to find family, but I assume it must be quite rare to have zero possible leads? Especially if you're a younger person, and thus may have a good number of people of the right generation to know/remember your family members still alive. Worst case scenario, I can imagine having some leads, only for someone to be uncontactable, or lack the information that would be useful. That being said, maybe I'm being too optimistic, as someone who had the priviledge of never having as much difficulty.

The weird sci-fi parallel (TW: incest (kinda), intersexism)

This is where we get to my theorising. Because in a science fiction context, and specifically a time-travel one, there is one quite famous short story that has a protagonist with zero family connections: '—All You Zombies—' by Robert A Heinlein.

(Fun fact: "All You Zombies" is also the name of a planned Class Ongoing story, once I get the time to resume that.)

You may also be familiar with the movie adaptation: 'Predestination'. It's also seemingly the inspiration for all sorts of similar stories, from 'The Man Who Folded Himself' to Red Dwarf and Futurama.

You might see where i'm going from that last one...

(Again disclaimer: if you seek it out, that this story may be quite triggering. It also was written in 1959. While it's actually somewhat respectable of a trans (kind-of, you'll see what I mean - I'll generally use the pronouns used in the text below) protagonist, it includes sexism, intersexism bordering on medical horror, and selfcest/incest.)

In 1963 (funnily enough), a lonely, orphaned 18 year old woman named Jane has a sexual encounter with a man in a park which ends up leaving her pregnant. When complications arise, the doctor discovers during a successful caesarian she's actually intersex, with a form of ovotesticular syndrome, with her immature, partially developed organs "a mess". He removes the now damaged womb, ovaries etc and, without consent, 'rearranged things so that [they] can develop properly as a man".

A few weeks later, the baby is stolen from the hospital by a man.

Despite all this tragedy, they do decide to complete their transition, restarting life as a man. He struggles to find work, but eventually finds himself making a living selling fake confession stories to magazines as "the Unmarried Mother".

Years later In a bar, he tells his story to a Bartender. After it all, the Bartender reveals he's actually a time agent and offers the chance to see his baby's father again. He drops him off in 1963 to find the man.

Meanwhile, in 1964, the Bartender steals a baby from a hospital, and drops her off at an orphanage in 1945.

The Bartender returns to the Unmarried Mother a month later in 1963, just in time to see him leaving a lonely young woman he met with in a park...

"Now you know who he is", the Bartender says, "—and after you think it over you’ll know who you are... and if you think hard enough, you’ll figure out who the baby is... and who I am.” He drops the Unmarried Mother off in 1983, where he can be recruited by the Temporal Bureau.

The Bartender, Jane, the Unmarried Mother, the kidnapper, the Father, and the Baby are revealed to all be one person, a family tree onto themself. The perfect time agent, causally disconnected from the rest of humanity and thus safe from Faction Paradox - if they are truly human at all (possibly explaining their biological bi-sexuality).

Thus, literally, having no relatives.

NO, OF COURSE I don't think this is what's up with Ruby!

But...

A lot of people have suggested that the woman who drops off Ruby could be herself. Obviously this doesn't necessarily mean Ruby is her own mother - let alone her own intersex father, child, and recruiter too!

But the story did come to my mind watching the Christmas special, and I do think the less squicky side of it, the 'perfect time agent' angle is worth considering. Could Ruby really be causally/genetically disconnected from the rest of humanity? Could she literally have no close relatives?

Assuming her DNA is not taken from any other person, but some semi-random mix of genes, she really may not match with anyone. At most, she would have some distant false matches, who share very small portions of DNA with her just by statistical fluke.

"BUT", I hear you say, "Didn't she get rewritten by the literal butterfly effect in episode one? She must be connected to humanity!"

Yes she did. But you know else happened?

She was still there.

Seriously think about it. Time travel fiction often doesn't think about the full consequences of time being altered even slightly, especially for a gag, but think about it literally. If all of human history was changed and a whole new species, possibly descended from Silurians, became dominant on the planet...

... why would the Doctor still happen to be travelling with someone with a name beginning with 'Rub-' who looks like Millie Gibson? Remember her name comes from Ruby Road... so does 'Ruby Road' exist on Rubathon's Earth? The Church presumably doesn't, unless there's a lizard Jesus...

At the very least we can point to the Web of Time being particularly reinforced around Ruby for some reason, even after all the damage it's taken between Flux and now, letting Ruby persist into the new timeline. This is explicitly confirmed in the last episode, with the Doctor calling it a fixed point.

At worst, it may imply whatever 'designed' Ruby just needs her to meet the Doctor, no matter what the dominant species on Earth is.

Mind you, both of these do open questions about what happened in the timeline where Ruby was eaten by the Goblin King. Maybe targetting her after her birth left her temporally vulnerable? Or maybe it was a necessary event, to bring the Doctor to Ruby Road...

Add this to some other things we've seen this season:

In Space Babies, we're introduced to the concept of 'baby farms', allowing people to be loomed born without a parent.

We also know, at least, that Ruby registers as human to the TARDIS (though given Sutekh's influence, who knows how trustworthy that scan was now!).

In The Devil's Chord, Ruby is not erased by Maestro destroying humanity. Granted we can put this down to the Doctor/TARDIS, and how time travel effects people's biodata, but I think it could be a misdirect.

(Interestingly there was a very similar plotpoint in "City of the Daleks", the Eleventh Doctor adventure game, which saw the New Dalek Paradigm invading Earth in...1963. Unlike Ruby, Amy eventually actually does start to fade, needing a 'chronon blocker' to stabilise her. Hey remember how we just heard the word 'chronon' used a bunch in the show.)

In Boom, the Ambulance is entirely unable to find a next of kin for Ruby, despite seemingly having her in its records. This is a little hard to dissect, as you could take a lot of different interpretations away from it. At the very least, it suggests Ruby doesn't have any living descendents in the 51st century. Carla probably doesn't either (which makes sense with her not having any bio-kids, and Ruby seemingly being the only child she fully adopted rather than fostered?) But for its extensive records, it's notable it still couldn't find anyone after that, even presumably with access to Ruby's DNA like the genealogists had.

Everything in 73 Yards.

Between the snow falling in each episode, plus context in The Legend of Ruby Sunday, we know that Christmas Eve on Ruby Road, while fixed, is also uniquely vulnerable and 'raw'. With the woman's changing reactions to the Doctor, it's also flexible enough to change, somewhat.

Similarly, the possible connection between the woman who dropped Ruby off and the woman in 73 Yards, between her face not being visible and the CCTV camera being around 73 yards / 66.6 metres away. And if that woman really was Ruby, then maybe the parallels to All You Zombies may not be as insane as they sound.

[never-goingtopostanything]

Why the teaser doesn't ruin Night Swan's motives.

So since the teaser hinting that Jack is The Traveler's son, people are obviously falling apart, personally I don't care much about how it affects shipping because just view the just dancers a found family, but that's not what I care about right now, I keep seeing posts about how the teaser ruins Night Swan's motive which is just wrong when you consider it critically.

The claim is that the teaser makes Night Swan's motive The Traveler leaving her that's wrong and you can tell since Night Swan and Jake, assuming that this teaser is meant to imply that The Traveler's son, don't seem sad, Jack seems quite happy for someone who is potentially watching his dad abandon him and his mum and Night Swan doesn't seem to care much either, if this teaser is telling us what Night Swan's *NEW* motive is meant to be then it is doing a crappy job at it.

The *NEW* bit in my last point is important because Night Swan has a motive, she is a failed ballerina who was brought into the danceverse and was tempted by the dark flow and fell into madness wanting perfection. This teaser should be looked at less as giving Night Swan a motive and more as filling in the gap between "Murder on the dance floor" and "Darkest hour" and since this is happening before The Traveler left so it can't have anything to do with him. This teaser is clearly meant to connect to "In your eyes" so I personally think it's fine to use it to work out what happened to make Night Swan evil.

Finding out what happened to cause Night Swan descent into madness is possible when looking at "In your eyes" there is one thing that caused the change from happy and in love to crazy and heartless, I don't think this is the first time she went to Eternyx, but it could be the first time she is there by herself and when she is there she meets Cygnus, and I think that this is the pin for Night Swan, he could have potentially made Night Swan realise that her dreams have failed and taught her about dark flow and how to manipulate it, leading to her becoming evil, this could also explain why Cygnus is involved with Night Swan when she goes crazy, he could feel responsible for it since she wouldn't have messed with dark flow if he hadn't taught her about it, he feels responsible and doesn't want to leave her because of his guilt.

This could also explain why Night Swan and The traveler do break up, Night Swan goes to Eternyx while he is doing something on earth, meets Cygnus and comes back different, obsessing over the dark flow and slowly loosing her mind and a desire to be perfect when dancing, loosing her love for it and her rejecting his attempts to help her until he eventually leaves because it's he can't love her anymore and she refuses to let him hep her.

i'm tired of the idea that Night Swan's motive is The Traveler breaking up with her, when it's not, she has had a motive for ages, perfection, this teaser and "In your eyes" where filling in the gap that lead to "Darkest hour" how can dare people complain about Ubisoft ruining Night Swan by giving her a dumb motive when that's not what was happening, if anything the people claiming that are the ones dumbing Night Swan down Outside of all of that why would The Traveler leave Night Swan at that point they are happily in love and potentially have a child, to date Si'ha Nova, yeah I don't think so and even if that is to be believed Si'ha Nova wouldn't have married or even dated The Traveler because she has self respect and wouldn't trust him since if he left someone for her what is stopping him form doing the same to her.

Thank you for reading this rant, while the posts I've seen saying this aren't just limited to tumblr I have still seen it on here and I only post things on here.

[luveline]

Omg Jade, I’ve been LOVING the asf resurgence ☺️☺️ It hits my heart in all the right ways!!

I was wondering if would please write something showing more of the burrow from asf? Would love to see Molly (alongside Fred ofc!) doting on the reader. Maybe she feels poorly during a gathering? Just an idea - no pressure ofc to respond or to go in this direction. Thank you either way!!! 😊

tysm for ur request!! sorry this took me a whole month ♡ fem!reader, 1.5k

cw mental health issues/ poor eating habits

The popcorn is greasy between your fingers. You look down at a slightly burned kernel without much feeling, giving it a squeeze to listen to the styro-foamy groan as it breaks. 

The crumbs fall down the front of your hoodie. The mess is enough to make you feel something other than tired, blinking to attention while you pick tiny bits from your tummy. 

Fred's hand reaches over to help. "Whoops," he says, flicking them off of the sofa onto the rug. 

"Don't do that," you chastise without any heat, nudging his knee with yours. "Your poor mum will have to clean it up." 

"No she won't." 

"Are you going to hoover before we go?" you ask. 

Fred puts his hand on your thigh for an unapologetic feel. "No. She'd be offended." 

It's hard to describe how something as simple and as normal as Fred's hand on your leg can make you feel. Suddenly, you aren't alone in your head, feeling all sorts of awful. There's someone with you. 

Fred often laments (with sympathy) that you live in the past. He's not wrong. There are things that haunt you without pulling punches, stuff that makes you feel sick even though you can't remember how it all went anymore. It's like your body has caught hold of the way you felt at the time and is now throwing you into the deep end, no warnings. 

George takes the popcorn bowl from your lap, a lazy heist from his positioning on the floor. He, Ron, and Harry play a game of exploding snap that smells like no one's winning by your shoes. 

Bill and Fleur sit on bean bags by the fire, their legs interlocked, and the baby (who isn't a baby anymore, actually, a brand new toddler) waddles around the room in footie pyjamas. Every time you see Victoire, you wonder if she's an easy baby, and if you'd be a good mom. If you're even capable. 

Things tend to twist from there. Capable in any capacity? You're sure there are a hundred different things that Fred wants from you that he will never be able to have. A girlfriend who doesn't shut down when she's worried. A partner who pulls their weight. You let him down pretty much every day though he doesn't say, in your uselessness. You're awful. He deserves better than someone who's clinging to the bad things that happened to her (though you don't want to cling, you can't seem to make yourself stop). 

Fred's hand abandons your thigh. He sits up in his seat on the sofa to wrap his arm behind your neck instead, encouraging your head under his. With the side of his chin pressed to your temple, he doesn't say a word. 

Molly appears from the garden with a handful of fresh lemon balm. "Who wants a cup of tea?" she asks. 

Her eyes flicker straight for you. Fred told you once that Harry used to be her favourite child. It confused you —family is much more than blood, but still, there's so many to choose from and they're all brilliant, so why Harry? 

He was the one who needed the favouritism most, Fred says. Mum has a built-in pain detector. She knows when people need love. 

"We'll have a cup of tea," Fred says, rubbing your shoulder. 

"Obviously," Molly says, though what's obvious about it escapes you. "Anyone else?" 

There's a chorus of requests, most of which you can't keep straight. Molly's brilliant, she doesn't miss a beat. "Lovely," she says with a smile. 

"I'll come help you, mum," George says, using your legs as a brace to get up. 

You kick him without force in the leg. He turns to you, shooting you an adoring, saccharine smile with hands at his chest curved into a heart shape. 

"He's in a mood today," Fred says. 

Your sleeves bunch under his hands with every upward swipe. You sit there for a while feeling off. Something is wrong, some pit sucking you in, but nothing's happened. It's been a while since you felt this suddenly sick —you're better than you were, but you aren't better. 

"It's okay," Fred says, like he can read your mind. His reassurance kisses warm over your cheek. "Do you want to go home?" 

He doesn't seem upset with you. If anything, he's chipper, like he'd love to go home with you. It's a charade for your benefit to erase the guilt that comes with yanking him out of family time, and you don't fall for it. 

Yet you can't make yourself smile. You aren't as good of an actor as he is. "No," you mumble, pulling away from his loving embrace to meet his eyes. 

He inches closer, hand sliding down your arm. 

"I love you," he says very quietly. He's at risk of being heard by three different brothers, each of which might rip him to shreds for being as whipped as he sounds. 

You don't not want to say it back. Sometimes it's hard. Fred isn't telling you for a parroting, anyhow, and he doesn't care when you fail to answer. 

"Let's go help make tea," he says, standing up. You don't want to move, but you'd rather not stay by yourself. You've no choice but to follow him through the living room and into the kitchen. 

"Hi, dearie," Molly says. You realise she's talking to you, not Fred. "You look like you need something to eat. I'll make you something sweet, how does that sound?" 

It sounds like a bad idea. "That sounds great." 

She nudges George off with his tray of tea to stand in front of you. "There's a good girl," she says, squeezing your elbow. "Fred says you're not eating, but you were fine at breakfast. Feeling better?"

"Mum," Fred says, sending you an apologetic look. "Sorry, I don't mean to gossip about you–" 

"No, it's okay. It's nice, it's… a privilege to be worried about," you say, though you wish he wouldn't. 

Molly shakes her head, ginger kinks swishing over her shoulders. "It's not a privilege, lovely. That's just what family does, mm? You worry about Freddie, he worries about you, and I'll worry about both of you." 

"You don't have to worry about us, mum." 

"I know. It's a privilege, though, to be the one worrying," Molly says, offering you a gentle smile. 

"Right," you say. 

"So stop pretending you're okay and have a seat. Freddie, you better go and get her one of your blankets, I think." 

Fred grins and exits the kitchen quickly to avoid giving you time to protest. Ever a people pleaser, you sit down at the table in one of the chairs with a tall back. Molly puts down a cup of tea in front of you, swiftly followed by a plate of biscuits, a toasted, buttered currant scone, and a blueberry muffin sliced down the middle. 

That's what gets you. The muffin cut in half, paper peeled away. Molly has no reason to like you; you make Fred happy, but you know you've made him so, so sad, sometimes. You've weighed him down. You're not the best he could've had, but his family don't care. He doesn't care. He loves you enough to breeze into the kitchen with a throw blanket, wrap it around your shoulders, and nestle a kiss behind your ear. 

You scramble to grab his arms rather than let him stand again. He startles at first, but he recovers, and his arms curl around your front with enthusiasm that can't be faked. 

"I love you," he murmurs. Words slid together like he's tipped them out, impossible to deny. "Try not to wind yourself up, alright? It's a normal day. The only people who matter are you and me, yeah?"

"Yeah," you say through a lump. 

"I'll be just in the living room if you need me," Molly says. 

"Thanks, mum," Fred says, perching his chin atop your head. 

He waits for her to leave and plants a kiss on the highest point of your cheek. When you smile, he tracks them all over. Kiss to your head, your ear, the soft line of your jaw.

"Do you want to talk about something? Or should we think about other things?" he asks. 

It's a strange, coddling way to ask if there's something in particular that's upset you, but it's nice to be coddled. Truthfully, there's nothing concrete that hurts. A little bit of everything. The world is busy and life is hard and people aren't always kind, and you'll always be unbalanced by that. Luckily, Fred's there to hold you up, together, whatever you need. 

"Do you want half of my muffin?" you ask. 

"I'm eyeing up your scone, honestly." 

"You can have it if you want it." 

Fred hugs you tightly. "And deprive you? No way. I'll settle for the muffin if you feed it to me," he says hopefully. 

You twist in your chair, holding a bit of the muffin up for him to eat.

"I love you," you say. In a horror story, a nightmare, your nearly constant thoughts, he scoffs in your face. 

Fred swallows roughly. "I know. S'why you're gonna let me have half the scone, too." 

It's awfully cheesy, but you'd give him much more than a scone. You'd give him anything he asked you to give.

"Greedy," you say. 

"I resent that, ghost."

[the-ace-with-spades]

Concept: Christopher only realizes how serious of a trauma the tsunami was when he's already almost finishing high school.

I know in the show he's got nightmares about the tsunami but I couldn't help notice how the nightmares are more about Shannon dying in the tsunami than the tsunami itself, which is understandable given that his mom's death was sudden and probably unexplained to him beyond 'there was an accident'. So his brain was probably struggling to process that she's not coming back ever again, like she did when he asked for her to be back on Christmas.

The nightmares aren't about him or even about Buck. Kids' brains can be weird about trauma.

(Skippable context: When I was seven, my dad and I had a car accident. The car behind us skidded on black ice when we were on a river bridge, hit us and we hit another car that swiveled down the hill into the river and then we also hit the balustrade hard enough the front of our car was dangling out. The people in front of us died in the water. We were moved back onto the road by the firefighters after about half an hour, with my dad staring at that river the whole time.

I didn't remember it like that at all, only learned the above from the firefighter who had checked me out on the scene and remembered me years later when my dad set the hedge on fire and the same station answered the call, literally said 'I didn't cut you out of that car so you could set the whole village on fire' to my dad. I only remembered my dad telling me if I wait patiently in the car, he's going to get me McDonald's tomorrow and asking me what I'd written in the letter to Santa (which 6yo me refused to say because it was a list for Santa only) and the firefighter teddy bear Stefan I got from the mentioned firefighter. I literally went on with my life like nothing happened. Like, my dad's leg had stitches but he said it was alright because 'scars are cool', and I literally begged my mum so she'd let me go to school the next day so I wouldn't miss the clay day and then in the evening called out my dad for not taking me for my promised Happy Meal. No nightmares, no fears of bridges, cars or rivers. I didn't even connect that the new car wasn't there because my dad got bored of the last one like he said, but because the old one was totaled.)

So what if Chris only realized how serious the tsunami was years and years later when, idk, they were writing personal statements for college applications and 'the day that changed your life' question comes up and everyone has some either traumatizing or motivational examples but he doesn't know how to answer. And one of his friends says, "Weren't you caught in the tsunami with your dad?" (which, by that point Buck and Eddie are married and he calls Buck pops). And his automatic, absent-minded answer is, "Yeah, but that wasn't a big deal."

And everyone just stares. Because he said surviving a tsunami wasn't a big deal.

Chris knows where they're coming from because if someone told him they survived a tsunami, he wouldn't dismiss them and tell them it's not a big deal.

And obviously, he vaguely remembers asking Buck where all the water went and he remembers that the run Buck did with him in his arms after that was kind of funny and then the water hit.

But he doesn't remember the water hitting him or destroying stuff on its way, just remembers Buck telling him to keep swimming and that he's got him. And the next thing he remembers, they're on the fire truck and Buck is helping people and Chris felt so proud for helping by watching the ropes (which, now he knows was a distraction, duh) and then he remembers Buck just telling him to wait patiently and then playing I Spy and it was kind of fun again and Buck was hugging him and just, it was nice, a bit unusual, but kinda felt like they were just sitting on abuela's back porch, but wet.

Even when he fell into the water again, he wasn't that scared because he heard Buck jumping after him and he was sure he'd get to him in a minute or so. And then the water retrieved and some nice lady helped him and he was still kind of fine because he knew Buck would find him and then they could go to the aquarium like Buck promised early in the day. In fact, the process of looking for Buck was the only time he remembers feeling scared - because he was thinking, what if Buck doesn't find him before Dad comes back after work to pick him up? Dad is going to be mad at Buck if they aren't there.

He just never clocked in how close to dying he was, or how close to dying Buck was.

And that day he comes back from school and asks Eddie if he can tell him what happened during the tsunami because he remembers it differently than he probably should. Eddie gets really quiet and tells him, "I don't know. I never asked Buck for details. All that mattered to me was that the two of you were in one piece."

In the time it takes for Buck to get back home, he rationalizes that maybe it wasn't a big deal to Buck either, he was a firefighter, he probably dealt with enough of that stuff to not really be that affected, and maybe it was just different for both of them.

But then he asks Buck if he can tell him about the tsunami and Buck gets really quiet and pale and finally says, "It was the worst day of my life."

[immeasurablesaladagere]

aw yeah requests open!!!

in the re!thirteen cg!cuddy headcanons you mentioned that thirteen actually told cuddy about regression as a liability thing and none of the others did. could you write headcanons/a fic for how she found out about each of them? also, does cuddy ever regress, because i can't picture that at all but i could probably be persuaded. thirteen and chase having Sibling Squabbles is everything to me also and i loved your chase sickfic

(--0v0)---> ~~~ <3 <3 <3 <3

Lol welcome to story time, House's team were all wildly irresponsible when it came to their regression (Also most of my fics aren't part of a connected universe or anything, so future fics might not match up with any of these headcanons).

🏠🩺🏠🩺

House was the first and was less of one grand discovery and more like several pieces all coming together over several months. He has a wide age range including teen years, which gives his usual pettiness a particular childish edge to it that felt out of place to Cuddy amongst his usual shenanigans. Stuff like stink/glitter bombs, gluing documents together, whoopee cushions, the whole thing. Eventually he slipped up enough that he was obviously speaking and acting differently in front of her and she called him on it. At first she thought it might be drugs or something, but the test she made him take came back clean (minus Vicodin). After that, House basically started an ARG and began seeding vague clues as to what was going on to see how long it would take her to figure it out. It took 3 weeks, and Cuddy chewed him out for over an hour about the liability nightmare he could have started, but reluctantly let it be when House made it clear he was still doing his job just fine (somehow).

🏠🩺🏠🩺

Chase came after House. It shouldn't come as a surprise that House knew about Chase's regression long before Cuddy did, and kept it a secret not because Chase wanted him to, but because the thought the inevitable reveal would be funnier that way. It wasn't really. Chase slipped in front of her for the first time at a work event involving alcohol when two other doctors sitting at their banquet table started arguing with each other. Chase had already drank enough to start feeling it, which did not help, and Cuddy followed him when he left abruptly. She found him hiding in a back hallway and on the edge of a panic attack, and all he would say to her was that he wanted his Mum. A quick call to House confirmed her suspicions, and she and Chase had a very awkward meeting the next work day. Of the team, Chase is one of the most likely to slip due to a sudden trigger (after House), and is generally on the younger side, so Cuddy made it very clear to him that if he wanted to keep his job he needed to stop whatever he was doing if he started feeling small in any way. She isn't too worried about House, Wilson, or the ducklings missing work because of how much overtime they put in, she just doesn't want a lawsuit.

🏠🩺🏠🩺

Cameron learned what regression was from Chase, and eventually she thought it was worth trying for her own stress. She did it alone at first, then later it was something she and Chase shared in while they were together. It's always been voluntary for her (minus one or two situations where she was so stressed she barely had to think about it), and she knew both Chase and House did it, so it wasn't really a big deal to her. She just dropped it casually in conversation in front of Cuddy before realizing Cuddy didn't know and wasn't supposed to. Her reaction was basically "Really? Is it all of you?" and another lecture about liability that House spent making faces mocking her over her shoulder to Cameron to get her to laugh.

🏠🩺🏠🩺

House just straight-up outed Wilson to Cuddy offhandedly while he was in the room with them. Cuddy isn't very surprised by now; she might not have been expecting Wilson necessarily, but why can't every one of her employees be regressors? Sure, that's fine. Not much of a lecture for Wilson, mostly because she took pity on him because he was absolutely mortified.

🏠🩺🏠🩺

Thirteen, considerate employee that she was, actually warned Cuddy when she was hired, and was shocked to find out that not only did Cuddy not care, but also that "You and the rest of the office, Hadley. It's fine, just don't let it affect you work.".

🏠🩺🏠🩺

Cuddy herself doesn't regress in any capacity. She's wound up being both an intentional and unintentional babysitter for most of the team at least once, and for House a little more consistently while they were together. Tired mom energy. Kind, understanding, but tired. She's also developed a slight spidey-sense for if someone on the team is regressed. It's not House-level accurate, but she's gotten good enough to call Chase or House out from across the room, and Wilson one time.

[rae-unbeloved]

HEY CHAT IVE FINALLY GOT SOME OF NICO'S LORE THAT IVE PLANNED SO FAR :3

His full name is Nicholas Odasies Dimitriou

He's aspec, not sure what but prolly aroace

His Nationalities are Scottish (father & half mother) & Greek (other half mother & one grandparent :3)

Btw he's an ISTJ-T (I did a personality quiz and just answered what i think nico would say)

Just a description of his appearance really: Brown, fluffy hair that comes off his shoulder's but isn't quite mid-length, usually in a ponytail. Grayish blue eyes, althogh one eye (left) is lighter than the other, has a beauty mark on the left side of his face and a mole just below his right eye, somewhat dark eyebags, is 5'3 and just doesn't have a single thought behind his eyes, either that or many many, very terrible thoughts.

THE ACTUAL LORE/HIS BACKSTORY SO FAR:

He really likes nature, specifically magpies, birds as a whole and flowers/plants.

He stayed in Scotland with his whole family, his mum dying when he was 9 and his dad was rarely at home so he had to learn to take care of himself and his sister, his sister also taking care of their little brother. They lived in Scotland for another year before moving to America for both convenience as they moved in with their maternal aunt, and due to the fact that their father had gotten a deal for his job there.

His sister died a day or two after his 13th birthday, causing Nico to spiral slightly from the grief as his sister was also the family member who of which he was closest to and actually took care of him when others (Aunt & dad) didn't, his sister gives him a locket before she dies and it becomes his most prized possession of which he always keeps with him.

(Btw his mum, sister and inevitably aunt all die of the same/similar diseases that run in the family, along with shit immune systems<3)

Nico ends up running away from his aunts and joins the continental army (Which is, along with others, one of the many 'bad' decisions he makes while griefing his sister's death) he manages to join by completely bullshitting his age (saying he's 16 when in reality he's 13)

While in the army he's generally quite quiet and in all ways could be described as a fucking loser loner<3

When outside of training/just in any freetime he gets, he literally just studies plants and birds, he found out that magpies really like him, so instead of speaking to other people he just speaks to the birds, mainly magpies obviously (also if they aren't in this part of America then shut, i'm still including them, it's either that or bluejays but ik more abt magpies)

Uhhh, during the war he gets caught in some kind of fire, somehow escaping with just some burns on the right side of his face, hands/arms and a few on his legs<3

[keepthedelta]

Maybe I'm being overly cynical (I Do Not know these people and this is just my outsider view), but the whole 'Piastri family social media' stuff has made me uncomfortable from the start because (to me) it gives off huge 'chasing clout and followers by using my famous family member'

None of them were particularly active social media posters before, none of them had an interest in influencing or building a career from it. But, suddenly now Oscar is more popular they are posting A Lot. (For comparison, someone like Max's sister has definitely used her brother to her advantage in gaining a following and popularity, but, she also seemingly always had an interest in fashion and makeup and having a career in it + her posts are not about Max/F1 directly)

It's only going to cause headache and pain and sorry, if my brother was famous, I would not want to even remotely see people thirst trapping him or shipping him romantically with people. Why would you invite that into your space. Also, if I was on Oscar's PR team I'd be fucking worried because what happens if your mother or sister says/posts something that is controversial or actually bad. That now will have a huge audience and actually affect how people see Oscar, and he will be obligated to comment on it. And, if he doesn't, it will be to his detriment (See Max and the Piquet family)

Obviously, fans should just act fucking normally, but we all know that isn't how things work on the internet. You sometimes have to take steps yourself to avoid getting into those situations.

see i personally don't view it as them using him for clout because i think that it is at minimum a symbiotic relationship from which they both benefit. i am a long time hater of the piastri family socials, but i have disliked it because in my personal opinion oscar's family are being used as fodder for his pr.

you say they weren't really active before oscar's career in f1 but even if they are seeking to become influencers etc. which i cannot confirm or deny because i don't know them and frankly have no interest in them, the main reason imo that they did become more active was for oscar. it seems as though his pr is very much trying to portray him as a normal, down to earth relatable kind of guy. a gen z kimi raikkonen who is very calm and level headed (even if he's nothing like kimi, nor honestly is kimi like that). and it benefits oscar (and by extension his pr team) for him to have a cool mum who says funny things on twitter and cool young sisters interested in kpop etc. who aren't impressed by him. his image benefits from the "normal family guy" aesthetic.

there's a reason dts wanted to film him having breakfast with his family. his family has become a part of his media strategy. his mother goes on podcasts or whatever as part of his pr strategy. she is there to talk about him and to promote him without it seeming like promotion. you think if oscar or his team didn't want that she would still have gone on? i don't. that's not to say she's being disingenuous or inauthentic, but i'm sure someone went through roughly what media narrative they wanted to tell and how she should tell it. they are part of oscar's media strategy. they're there to make people think that he's normal and just some guy who happens to be an exceptionally talented driver.

i don't know if his family are benefitting from his fame or to what extent they may be but it's not oscar who should be worried about fan response to his family, it's them. they are being used as a proxy personality for him (and i know that sounds mean but it's not intended as criticism of oscar himself) and at some point things are going to get nasty. what happens if oscar and lando get into an actual wdc title fight at some point? what happens if the chirlies or cultLH turn on him and his fans? oscar has the protection of being a famous f1 driver. his family don't. people will send death threats to his sisters or turn up at his mum's house. they'll search through everything they've ever posted looking for a miniscule detail to cancel them over and justify their hatred and abuse.

everyone involved in this, oscar, his family, his pr team, mclaren, their pr team, needs to recognise that enabling these parasocial relationships, letting people think of oscar's mum as their friend or mum figure, letting people think it's okay to send his sister rpf as though she's their friend is not acceptable. there do need to be boundaries (frankly i think that all f1 drivers need much stricter boundaries than they currently have because some fan behaviour is worrying. people have already shown up at charles's house this is not a worst case scenario it's already happening) for the safety of everyone involved.

i do also think there's something to be said about fan culture and the increasing entitlement to a public figure's life. as fans i think we all need to be a lot more respectful of these people, whether they're famous or simply connected to someone famous. at the end of the day they are people and should be granted basic respect and privacy because they are people. we do not know them, we are not friends with them. how we feel about them should have no bearing on their lives.

but public figures personal lives are increasingly being used for promotional purposes and i think they need to recognise that they are feeding the entitlement and aggression of fans when they do that. the reason why fans get more and more demanding is because people keep offering up more of themselves and their families for promotion. and i think that needs to stop before someone gets hurt.

[moonstruck-poet]

Next Thing You Know

Pairing - Ben Barnes x reader!

Summary - a fic taking us through the journey of your wonderful relationship with Ben Barnes.

Warnings - none

You swear that you're stayin' single next thing you know. You meet a girl at a bar and next thing you know. You get her laughin', it's 2 AM. You're tellin' your buddies three months in.

"Why do you always want to drag me to places I don't wanna go?" Ben frowns at his brother who just grins cheekily and doesn't let go of the firm hold of his hand.

"You need to loosen up a little brother," Jack says simply and they get into his car, him obviously being the one driving. "Even Mum and Dad think you're a bit too tense these days for God's sake!"

Ben rolled his eyes and turned on the radio, immediately smiling at his favorite Bob Dylan song that had just started. He had planned to just lay down in bed and peacefully read, something he hadn't done in ages.

But unfortunately that's not what 26 year olds normally did, which was very sad indeed. A nice little reading session with soft romantic tunes playing in the background was suddenly considered old-fashioned.

"Here we are!" Jack exclaimed cheerfully and they got out, him throwing an arm around his brother who merely chuckled and together they entered the rather crowded club.

"This is intense," Ben murmured after scanning the place. What with its loud, blaring music, dim but flashing lights and an over-excited crowd, it seemed a bit intimidating.

"Its just been way too song since you've been in a club," Jack retorted but then his face turned into one of glee after spotting his best mates who waved frantically.

"Not even been 10 minutes and already ditching me huh?"

"I'm so sorry," he said apologetically but smiled when Ben laughed.

"It's all good, go on hang out with them".

"You'll be okay by yourself right?"

"Of course, I'm not 10!"

"See ya then," saying so Jack bid him goodbye and Ben watched as he left before seating himself near the bar, ordering a light drink just to keep him warm and fuzzy.

"Thank you," he smiled at the bartender who bowed and brought the glass to his lips, the liquid barely grazing them before something- or rather someone, took his entire attention.

There you were, walking right towards him. His eyes gazed at the young woman who looked too beautiful even dressed in simple clothes like black ripped jeans paired with a leather jacket. Your raven hair that was tied into a half-ponytail simply added to the look.

She was exquisite, he remembered thinking.

He blinked, snapping out of his trance when the said woman was seated right beside him, looking positively bored and somehow a little out of place, even with her appropriate clothes.

He suddenly felt like a very shy teenager and focussed instead on his drink, whilst looking at you from the corner of his eyes. His cheeks went warm when you finally seemed to notice the rather handsome man sitting next you.

He saw your eyes widen and your mouth open a little, and he felt confused. Was something wrong with his face?

But then the reason for your staring became clear when you made a statement.

"Um hello, you're Ben Barnes aren't you?" You said softly and he was enraptured by your smooth voice that was slightly deep for a girl.

"Oh yeah, yes I'm him," he said quickly and gave you a blinding smile that you reciprocated with immense happiness and he felt a giddiness in his chest that had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with the drink that had now gone totally unnoticed.

"You played Prince Caspian," you grinned and he nodded, so excited that you had seen the movie.

"Did you like the movie?"

"It was brilliant," you said, your dark eyes appearing starry due to the lights. "I love the books and the movies just gave me a face for the characters that I so love".

"I take you as a reader then?" He asked with some eagerness.

"Oh absolutely! I honestly was going to spend this evening in my cosy bed reading a great romance book than coming here. But well my friends are quite persuasive".

He was over the moon at finding a common factor between you two. "I was going to do the same! But my brother dragged me in here, said that I needed to loosen up," he mimicked Jack making you laugh.

"Sometimes all you need to loosen up are some beautiful books and good music," you said, the two things were very close to your heart and Ben understood instantly.

"I agree," he smiled and you smiled too. Glad to find another person who had interests very similar to your own, and that too in a time when everybody was intent on partying the night away.

"Would it be okay if we geek over some books maybe outside?" Ben asked and mentally facepalmed. God he couldn't even talk properly to a girl.

"Yeah I'd like some quiet, it's really noisy in here," your eyebrows furrowed and you walked down, drinks in both of your hands as you sat down on a bench.

The rest of the night was spent talking and talking and talking. Ben didn't think he had ever talked this much before, much less to a girl but here he was, and here you were.

It just seemed so easy and he had this strange, warm feeling in his heart that he knew exactly what it was.

"What's your favorite quote from a book?" He asked, tilting his head in curiosity.

You were stumped, you had read hundreds of books and it was as if suddenly you had read none. "Good question, Ben".

His heart fluttered and red stained his cheeks, though thankfully for him you couldn't see it because of the dark.

And abruptly there was this gentle, loving smile on your face and all Ben wished in that moment was for him to be the cause.

"In vain have I struggled, it will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you," you whispered the words.

And he smiled, looking down before meeting your eyes, each one's irises as dark as the night sky. "Austen hmm?" He said softly, loving the way your smile widened.

The man was already on the brink of falling head over heels and couldn't wait for this to get further. It was as if he seemed to know, like maybe an instinct or a feeling, whatever it was, it just made him gravitate towards you.

And lucky for him, you felt the same. Albeit it took you time than him, you were too on the edge of loving this man from the entirety of your heart.

===============================

That she ain't moving in, the next thing you know. There's a U-haul trailer, next thing you know. Your old apartment is y'all's new place. There goes the carpet but the deer head stays.

"How much stuff do you even have?" Ben questioned indignantly as you carried boxes after boxes up the elevator. "You do know that we have a well furnished home right?"

You rolled your eyes, sweat dripping down your face and down your neck as you strained under the weight of a particularly heavy one. "Hush Barnes, I'm still shifting in your apartment aren't I?"

He simply shook his head with a smile and dropped two boxes on the floor with a loud thump, grimacing at the sound and praying hard that there wasn't anything breakable.

"You seriously need to do some downsizing, love," he muttered, slumping down on the sofa with a sigh.

You frowned but knew he was right. You had way too much stuff and you doubted that all of it was absolutely necessary. "Yeah I'll do that when setting everything up".

"And god what is the meaning of this Benjamin?" You shrieked when your gaze fell on the carpet underneath the centre table.

"What?!" He grumbled, reluctantly opening his eyes to see what made you react like that. "Oh that".

"Yes that".

"Uhm I was gonna replace it-"

"He's been saying that for the past year dear, I've forgotten the amount of times I had to tell him to change that wretched thing," his mum's voice interrupted and she stepped inside, followed by her husband.

Your eyes narrowed at your boyfriend who cringed under the stares of two women whom he loved dearly.

"Cat got your tongue, Barnes?" Thomas, his father grinned amd stepped in front of his son. Clearly enjoying the predicament.

"I swear I was going to change it," he mumbled and then gave you his best puppy dog eyes.

"Don't you look at her like that young man!" Tricia Barnes pointed ger finger which immediately shut his attempts at wooing you.

You pressed your lips tightly to prevent a snort at his downcast expression. "You gotta listen to your mum, Ben".

"I'm glad at least someone sensible agrees with me," she shot a playful look at the two men and smiled lovingly at you. "You got everything up, darling?"

"Yeah! I'll start unpacking after I make us some lunch," you smiled and the woman simply beamed while your boyfriend watched in disbelief as you laughed together.

"That's always how it is, lad," Thomas said with a glint in his eyes and Ben couldn't help as he chuckled. "But that is also how you know that you've got a good one".

He let out a genuine smile at that and let his eyes linger on your figure as you laughed with his mum while making lunch. You were the best decision he'd ever made, and the best instinct he'd ever felt.

"My god you're having it bad aren't you?" His dad cackled loudly earning strange but pleased looks from the two women.

While Ben's cheeks went red, "Yeah.. I guess I am having it down real bad".

"She is a wonderful girl, and I'm sure she's going to take good care of you, buddy. And in return make sure you never deny her the simple pleasures of life. Most people think women are extremely complex creatures, but that's definitely not the case, you know?"

Ben turned around completely to face his father and that's when Thomas knew that his son was falling in love. And a small smile graced his face because what else would a father want for his gentleman of a son?

"They don't want you to spend hundred dollars on a bouquet of flowers, they'll be happier with a single rose plucked from a field on any random day. When girls say they like sweet messages, it doesn't mean that you should write a five pages long essay about the reasons why you love her. It simply means a good morning when you're not together, a basic did you eat yet or a small text saying how proud you are of her".

Ben nodded eagerly and enthusiastically, he had already unconsciously done all of these things and was glad to know that he was going on the right track. He had never really understood the significance behind his actions, but now he did.

"What're you two gossiping about?" Tricia asked and sat down between them, glancing at them both.

"Just giving our boy some relationship advice," Thomas said and winked at his son.

She raised her eyebrows in surprise, "Well heavens only know what all you said to him. But I'm sure it was priceless," she said with a small smile while looking at Ben who nodded.

"Just remember sweetheart that anybody can buy luxurious gifts for their woman. But the truly romantic things are those little things you do everyday to show that you care and think about them," she patted his cheek.

"Yes mum," he agreed with every single word his parents are told him. He was really blessed to have such wonderful parents.

"Here's the lunch!" You finally entered the living room and set down two containers filled with delicious gravy and meat.

"Hey- Love- Careful there it's boiling," Ben muttered, hot on your heels as you carried the steaming pot.

"Yeah yeah don't worry I'm okay".

"I'll grab the plates and glasses," he said and darted back into the kitchen.

"Hey will you get some forks too please?" You called out after arranging everything properly on the table.

"Yeah bringing".

"Thank you".

The parents exchanged looks at the simple, basic conversation which seemed almost meaningless but somehow held such depth.

And after a fabulous dinner and bidding goodbye to Ben's family, you two had started the work of setting all the things in place. It was tedious to the core but helped greatly in relieving any kind of stress that was plaguing your mind.

And after about two whole hours of hardwork, all was finally done and you took a look around to smile at your new home.

"Ben?" You went in search for him to see your boyfriend in the kitchen, carrying two mugs of coffee.

"Yeah?" He placed the mugs on the table and sat down, gesturing for you to do the same while slowly sipping his caffeine.

"Where'd you keep my guitar? I don't remember seeing it-"

You were cut off by him pointing towards the piano that was kept in one corner of the living room and your eyes drifted to see your gorgeous black acoustic hanging on a wall right beside the instrument.

"That's the perfect place," you said, looking at him with delight.

"I'm glad. Maybe we can do some covers and record them someday," he suggested and took your hand, intertwining your fingers and brushing his lips against your knuckles.

"Yeah we can do that," you smiled and closed your eyes when he leaned in to kiss you with every ounce of passion and love.

===============================

Next thing you know, you're saving money like never before just to spend it all at a jewelry store. Gettin' down on one knee on her mama's porch just prayin' she don't say no.

"Never thought I'd see this day," Jack shook his head and looked at his brother and laughed. "Is the size correct?"

"Of course it bloody is," Ben muttered, slightly offended that he'd even doubt that.

"Should I pack it then, Mr Barnes?" The attender asked with a smile on her face, pleased at Ben's choice.

"Yes please thank you," he nodded, hands shaking slightly due to nervousness.

The middle aged lady noticed it and looked warmly at the fumbling young man, "Your woman is one lucky girl".

"I think this one is luckier to have her," Jack interjected and they all laughed.

"That's true actually," Ben murmured and took the precious, black coloured box, keeping it safely in his pocket.

"You are so whipped, my god. It's actually adorable I must say".

"Sure it is. When are you giving me the chance to pay you back for the hell that you've given me the last five years?" He asked, smirking slightly ad they got into the car and began driving home.

"That won't happen soon so don't you worry your pretty little head about it".

Ben merely smiled cheekily and parked his car in the driveway before getting out and walking into his first home.

You were currently on a business trip in another country amd wouldn't be back for a week at the most. And it was safe to say that your boyfriend missed you. Terribly.

"Hey Dad," he greeted his father who was watching a badminton match. "Since when did you start watching badminton?"

"Since my lovely daughter in law introduced me to it rather enthusiastically," he said with a knowing glint making Ben stare.

"Yes yes we know all about your shenanigans," his mother entered the living room and all three of them gave him matching grins.

"So let's see, where's the ring?" She asked excitedly and Ben pulled out the small box and handed it to her.

"Goodness love it's beautiful," she breathed, staring at the elegant silver band. "It's perfect for her," she said to herself and her eyes became teary.

"My baby's all grown up," she laughed through the tears and pulled her eldest in a loving embrace. Her not even understanding just how quickly time had passed. Just yesterday he was running around the house, singing his lungs out to songs playing on the radio. And now here he was, earning himself big from the industry and using that to buy his future wife a bond to last the next seven lifetimes.

"I'm so proud of you," she whispered in his ear and he tightened his arms, feeling like a little boy again.

He could feel himself getting emotional and rapidly blinked back the tears, not really wanting to cry in front of them.

"I'm proud to have you as my son, Ben," Thomas patted him on his back, his eyes too shining and ruffled his hair, exactly the way he did when the young man before him was nothing but a boy.

"And doesn't matter how much trouble I've caused you in this lifetime," Jack began his speech making everyone chuckle. "You really are the best brother-" he broke off when Ben pulled his younger brother in a bone-crushing hug.

They all laughed and the amount of warmth radiating through the room could really rival the sun's. But there was only one thing missing. One person who was not present.

And his smile fell just a tiny bit, but Tricia Barnes noticed it, of course she did. "Call her," she said with a smile and squeezed his shoulder while he nodded and walked towards his room, immediately dialing up your number and lying down on his bed.

You picked up after a few rings, "Hello?"

"Hey," he said, voice barely above a whisper and he cleared his throat.

"Ben," you breathed out. It had been seven days since you'd last seen each other and there was this ever present tightness in your chest. "What's wrong love? You okay?"

"Yeah," he sniffed and rolled over on his side, staring out of the window. "Now I am".

Your lips twitched a little, "How are you?" You asked the question as though you hadn't spoken to each other just the night before.

"I'm okay. I just.. Miss you," he swallowed, unable to keep back the emotions that wanted to escape.

You immediately took notice of the change in his voice and your heart broke a little, "I'm so sorry. I wish I could be there, Ben. I really wish that so much".

"No don't be silly! You're there for work, you should be focusing on that," he said and took a hold of himself. Not wanting to bother you and distract you from your job.

"You are more important, Barnes".

He looked down with a smile, "I'm serious. I just called you 'cause I missed you that's all. And my family there decided that it was a good day to say some really heartfelt words and make me emotional".

You chuckled softly, "Should I add to that long list of compliments?"

"Please don't," his eyes widened as though he expected you to do just that. He thought he might as well breakdown if you did.

"Nah don't worry I'm not that cruel".

"Sure," he said, already having a mental list of instances that proved otherwise.

"Oh shut up that was not cruelty," you said, understanding exactly what was in his mind.

"Oh yeah? Might I remind you of the time that you 'accidentally' dyed my hair blond?"

You snorted and that made him go off even more, "It didn't come off for a month!"

"Well atleast it wasn't pink".

"How reassuring," he said dryly and you roared with laughter. One simple memory emitting such joy that he couldn't help but join in.

"When are you coming back? I miss you, darling," he said once you two had both controlled yourselves.

"As soon as I can, love, I promise," you sighed. "Hey Ben, I'm really sorry but I gotta go".

"Yeah it's alright. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Just finish your work. And don't you overwork yourself or skip any meals because of stress or I swear I'm going to come there and feed you myself if I have to".

"I wouldn't put it past you at all," you whispered.

"I'm proud of you, yeah? And I love you, so so much baby".

"I love you too, so so much".

Two weeks had passed since the conversation and Ben and his family were currently at your house. Everybody was sitting in the garden, soaking in the sunlight and enjoying the warm weather.

You were wearing a gorgeous sundress and were leaning against the tree while in conversation with your mum. Your hands on the other hand were nestled in Ben's soft hair, running your fingers through them as he rested his head on your thigh.

You were deep in conversation when he opened his eyes and removed the sunglasses to simply look at you properly and god did he fall in love again right there.

Your brown hair shone gold under the sunlight and your dark irises too had a muddy shade to them. Your body seemed to radiate a divine glow and he was enraptured.

And of course that's exactly when his mum called you and stood up straight, forgetting completely about Ben.

"Oh shit I'm so sorry," you couldn't help but laugh at his adorably frustrated face.

"Where are you going?" He grumbled and pulled you right back on him making your eyes widen as you glanced at you mum who pretended to check her nails.

"Your mother is calling me, I have to go".

He suddenly stilled and immediately let go of your hand, almost pushing you towards the house earning a strange look.

"Way to be obvious Ben," Jack snorted and threw a pebble.

"God I can't do this, she's gonna say no," his hands flapped nervously as he paced around the lawn, every negative thought making its appearance and troubling him.

But of course you didn't say no, of course you didn't deny such a big happiness to ever enter your life.

And naturally you nodded, silent tears dripping down your cheeks which mirrored Ben's face. He slid the ring onto your finger, your families erupting in a huge round of applause at the action.

"I love you so much sweetheart, more than you could ever dream of," he said, jaw clenching slightly and eyes bloodshot.

"I love you too my Disney prince," you whispered and the two of you chuckled despite the tears and my god the kiss that followed had his heart almost jumping out of his chest due to the sheer amount of love, passion and promise.

===============================

I think we do need a part 2 for this huh

[lovely-p-issues]

Astyanax meets his mom - fic idea

Sorry for errors, as always

The waters of the underworld bore little resemblance to the ocean they had previously sailed on. Astyanax leaned slightly overboard to get a better look at the strange glow that shone from the water. Something in the river was moving and trying to surface. Indistinct shapes and quiet whispers.

A strong hand grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

“Don't lean out too far, little guy. Dangerous things are sitting in that water,” Eurylochus, always sounding serious, seemed particularly grave as he looked around at the night-black rocks surrounding them.

“What's out there?” asked Astyanax, but Eurylochus just looked at him and shook his head.

“The captain will explain it to you.”

Astyanax turned over his shoulder and looked at his dad, who was standing at the helm, giving orders to the helmsman and the other men. Odysseus, however, soon turned his attention to him, noticed his uncertain look and moved towards him.

Astyanax watched his dad move slowly, and his smile looked very artificial. Astyanax had heard at night - or day? in the Underworld, not even a sliver of sky was visible to be able to tell - his dad waking up and saying something about screaming.

It seemed that some of the crew could hear it too, but Astyanax didn't know what they were talking about. True, he heard quiet, anxious whispers, and once or twice a sad wail reached his ears, but there was no talk of any screams.

Dad crouched down beside him.

“Hi, dear. Do you want to go below deck?”

Astyanax furrowed his brow and shook his head. It was dark below deck and the air was suffocating. Besides, he was too curious about the waters they were sailing on.

“What's in that river? And why does this water glow? There's no sun here to reflect.”

Dad looked at him for a long time, as if hesitating. Finally, he combed his tangled hair and led him closer to the side, all the while, however, holding him by the shoulders, as if making sure he didn't fall out. Astyanax was obviously too smart to fall off the ship, but he liked to feel his dad's presence behind him. He said nothing.

Odysseus reached out and pointed to the greenish water below them.

“When people are… very tired or very hurt they go to places where they can- rest. Often their other friends and family are there. However, to get to that place you have to change. People, instead of looking like me and you,” tickled Astyanax's side, and he giggled, “turn into those lights you see in the river so they can find their way to a place where they can rest.”

“Are we going to rest too, Dad? Why aren't we lights?”

Dad's face changed for a moment. A weak smile replaced the gloom and concern.

“No, Astyanax. This is not a place from which you can return once you become a light. When you are there, all you can do is wait for your friends and family, but that can take a very long time. We want to see your mum, Penelope and your brother, Telemachus, much sooner, so we won't wait there for them,” Odysseus said quietly, trying to calm the confusion in Astyanax's head. “I will not allow this.”

“I see.”

A thought suddenly occurred to him. He turned and grabbed his dad's hand.

“Is Uncle Polites here?”

Dad looked at him for a moment. Then he looked into the strange water for a long time, as if trying to find something in it. Finally, however, he took his hand out of his grasp and touched Astyanax's cheek. He slowly turned his face towards the extremely bright light in the water.

“Do you see anything?”

For a fraction of a second, Astyanax thought he caught a glimpse of his uncle's dreamy smile and always cheerful face, but immediately it was all a blur in the waves.

“Not really, nu uh.”

“Maybe… maybe you can hear him?”

Dad's hands on his face and shoulder trembled.

Astyanax closed his eyes and leaned against his dad to focus fully on the sounds around him. At first all he could hear was the splash of the water, the hushed conversations of the crew and Dad's heavy breathing. However… something else was coming from the water. Laughter. Light and so pleasant.

Astyanax jumped up and looked excitedly at his dad, who, however, was not looking at him. He was looking into the water, with a fixed sad gaze.

“Dad, I can hear my uncle! Do you too?”

Odysseus nodded, still not taking his gaze off the glowing depths.

“Yes. Very clearly." He glanced at Astyanax. ”Do you hear anyone else?”

Astyanax heard. He could hear Elpenor whistling and the chatter of an old helmsman from another ship. He heard quiet conversations, laughter, sailing melodies. It was amazing. It felt like home.

“Do they see us?”

“Yes. Yes, they do,” Odysseus stroked Astyanax's head. “I think they are really happy they see you.”

“You mean, us?”

“...sure.”

“Why didn't you tell me where they are? I was worried after the storm.”

“I- I wasn't sure how to explain it to you.”

“But they just want to rest, yes, dad?”

“Yes, dear. They were tired of the journey.”

“But you are not tired? I don't want you to go with them,” and leave me.

“No, I'm strong as always. We will leave whenever I know what to do next.”

Astyanax furrowed his brow and looked up at his dad, puzzled.

“You don't know what to do, dad?”

“I just- can't decide, okay?”

“Sure, but remember to greet the world with open arms.”

Astyanax didn't know what was going on in his dad's head, as he stared into the water again for a long time, stiff and motionless, before gently squeezing his shoulder.

“I- I know. I will.”

The next few hours passed terribly slowly. Astyanax fell asleep for a while before he was awakened by the voices of the sailors. Something was happening on the upper deck.

On weak legs, he climbed the stairs and saw Odysseus with Eurylochus. His dad was rubbing his face and the uncle had his hand on his shoulder. They were talking quietly about something.

Astyanax moved on to stand by the bow of the ship. He stared for a moment at the darkness above them and at the endless glowing river in front of them. Suddenly, he thought he heard something. Something as if... a weeping?

He strained his hearing. Yes, someone nearby was crying. Astyanax looked around, but couldn't see anyone making the sounds.

However, the mystery soon solved itself. Something sloshed loudly just in front of the moving ship. Astyanax looked out a little and saw one of those strange, twisted lights trying to pierce the surface of the water. He knew he should step back, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Something about the sight, about watching the slowly forming silhouette fascinated him.

The light began to darken and take on colour. It was no longer shapeless, but looked more like a person. Like a woman.

The creature was terrifying. She had long, moonlight-bright, wavy hair that reminded Astyanax of tree branches in a storm. Her face was contorted in pain and a loud wail and cry came from her mouth. Her dark, dishevelled robes seemed to move on her like waves. Huge, glowing eyes stared straight at him.

“Dad!” he called out, though it felt like his voice was caught in his throat. “Dad, help!”

The lament seemed to quiet somewhat. The spirit leaned over him. A pale hand reached towards him, as if wanting to touch his face.

“Astyanax. My love, my darling.”

Astyanax screamed again, this time unable to even form a sentence or a word. He concentrated and stepped back, unwilling to let that cold, terrible hand reach him.

He heard footsteps behind him.

“Astyanax, please,” the voice sounded like a cry again. “It's me, your mother.”

A warm, human hand came down on his shoulder. Daddy drew him close and stood up with him, holding him tightly in his arms.

“Andromache,” Dad said quietly.

“Odysseus of Ithaca” replied a strange ghost, and her voice seemed to penetrate all the way to Astyanax's heart. "You murderer. You great and mighty king who now wanders the world as punishment. You stole him. You stole my boy. Everything I hold most dear."

“I saved him.”

“From the fire you started, LIAR! It wasn't enough for you to burn down my house. You had to take everything."

"It will be safe now.

“I swear to you,” Odysseus said, and his voice trembled. “Astyanax, please, there is nothing to fear. This... is your mother. Let her see your face.”

Astyanax did not move for a long time from his place, where he was bracing his face in his father's chest.

“You said mum was waiting for us in Ithaca,” he whispered finally.

The sudden shout made even Odysseus take a few steps back.

“I am your mother.”

“You're scaring him.”

“You've planted lies in his head, he's forgotten about me, you-”

“You must lower your voice,” Odysseus said serenely.

It seemed that the torches on the ship had dimmed under the sudden wrath of the soul.

“HOW DARE YOU TELL ME-”

“He can't remember the ghost. Let him see his mother. Be her again.”

The moans slowly began to change. The voice sounded more melodious now. Astyanax wriggled, still frightened.

“Love, we know each other. Remind yourself. You can remember me."

Odysseus gently turned sideways to the woman, so when Astyanax looked to his right, he could see those big, bright eyes filled with tears.

“I don't know you,” Astyanax confessed.

The spirit hovered a moment without saying a word. She circled them, pressed close together.

“You were just a tiny, crying baby when I sang you to sleep. You loved when I took you to the garden. You couldn't walk properly yet when you tried to catch up with the butterflies in our garden. You loved when-when your first dad, Hector, let you play with his beard. We had a beautiful dog, his name was Kynigós, but you called him Kyni, and he would let you ride on his back. He was two or three times bigger than you.”

Astyanax stared in rapt attention at the woman, who reached out her hand again, and this time Astyanax let her touch his voice.

“You were dearly loved, Astyanax,” she said, stroking his hair.

Suddenly Odysseus spoke up, anxious.

“What happened to you, Andromache? Neo took you with him-”

“To obey him, after you, Greeks, killed my husband, after I saw you take my son to the walls. What do you think happened to me when all I held dear was over?"

Odysseus didn’t answer. He simply pressed Astyanax tighter to him.

“Keep him close. Keep him safe. Tell him about Troy. Tell him the truth or be cursed forever, lying king.”

“I- I will do it. You have my word.”

“Your word means as much as the ashes of my city. As much as the bones of my husband. As much as your surrender, Greeks. It’s nothing. But I will know when we meet again.”

A delicate hand rubbed Astyanax's cheek. Later, the gentlest of kisses was placed on the top of his head.

“We will meet again, my love.”

The woman's spirit moved away from them. For a moment she measured Odysseus, their ship and the huddled crew on deck with her eyes.

“You may go now, damned Greeks.”

She disappeared as if taken away by a gust of wind.

For a moment there was silence on the ship. The crew slowly went back to work while Odysseus and Astyanax continued to stand in the same place, staring into the void. Finally Odysseus took him to their cabin.

They sat side by side, leaning against the wall, until finally Astyanax spoke quietly, glancing at Odysseus.

“She was scary.”

“No, it's not like that. She was very, very hurted. Hurted people sometimes look and behave scary, but they are not evil. They don’t know what to do with all their pain.”

“She was hurted- by... you?”

“Yes. By me. And my comrades.”

Astyanax could not comprehend this.

“But she wasn't... bad? Then why-”

“No, I heard she was good. It was- you know, when two big, wild dogs fight for something, like meat, sometimes someone smaller, like a cat or bird lands between them. The dogs are stupid, they don't pay attention to this innocent guest. Some time ago I was one of the wild dogs. I thought I was trying to save my friends. I was fighting for something very, very important. I wanted to go home but I couldn't until I beat this other dog. Andromache, your first mother was this bird. She was innocent. But we didn't see that.”

“She said we can go.”

“I hurted her, that's true. But I saved what was the most important to her.”

“What?”

“You. She is still angry, but she also loves you so much to forgive me.”

“She loves me?”

“Of course. You're her son. And mine too.”

“You wouldn’t hurt me, dad?“

“No. I love you as much as she did. I would do the impossible for you.”

Astyanax leaned on his dad and closed his eyes.

“I love you too.”

The dogs. The birds. The horses. The innocent ones. Penelope. Andromache. Telemachus. Helen. Astyanax. Thousands of other infants. Screaming mothers. Little bodies on the streets. Burning houses of fair people.

The guilty ones. Paris. Achilles. Priam. Agamemnon. Menelaos. Patroclus. Hector. And the infamous Odysseus. The one who burnt the city that dared not to fall.

They will all meet one day in the Underworld.

Andromache forgave him due to their common love for the boy.

Astyanax was learnt to forgive. But will this last forever? Will it overcome the dread of the prophecy?

Would the love, for our enemies and our allies, be enough to forgive each other? Would the horse be forgotten?

Odysseus didn't know.

He pulled his son towards him and hugged him with all his heart. Maybe his love will be enough for one, little, but so precious forgiveness.

Oh, sorry, you thought it would be some fluffy meeting of Astyanax and Penelope???? NU UH (i mean, maybe, one day, because that was my first plan, but here we are)

My concept for ghosts and souls is that the more guilt you feel and the more blame is on you for one of them, the more horrible will be your visit in the Underworld, you can see and hear souls clearer

Odysseus feels guilty for his 558 men, so his nightmares are overwhelming

Astyanax is the reason for his mother's death, BUT he is not one to blame, so she is scary for him, but remains loving

Also, Astyanax's age does NOT make sense, sorry, there was no way for me to make it consistent with anything (i gave him like 4 years????)

[nomoreusername]

Story Time

Pairing: Platonic Ivy Trio x female reader

Summary:After you can't go to sleep in Scorch the Ivy Trio and you share stories.

My friends and I are a lot of things, and smart isn't exactly at the top of the list. Well, except for Newt, but that's almost a given. Minho, however runs on his strength and unnaturally good hair, and Thomas runs on his own thing. To be honest I don't even think there's a word for it.

I guess that's what led to this. For some reason I thought it was a genius idea to tell horror stories while in a desert full of monsters. Once again we aren't exactly the brightest, but at least we're the most fun.

"That's cheating! You can't just retell Thomas's story in different words,"I argued.

"Sure I can. I tell it better,"Minho shrugged.

"You can't just steal my idea,"Thomas debated.

"Sure I can. I just did."

"I swear you three share a brain cell,"Newt mumbled under his breath.

"No we don't,"We all exclaimed at the same time, sort of contradicting our statement.

"You three give me a headache sometimes,"He sighed, shaking his head.

"Mama Newt-"

"Please don't call me that,"He pleaded.

"Mama Newt, that wasn't very motherly of you,"I pointed out.

"I am not your buggin' mum,"He repeated for the thousandth time today.

"Hey. Do you remember what happened when everyone heard Newt speak for the first time?"Minho reminded me.

"I want to know,"Thomas chipped in.

"Please don't,"He begged.

"I do. He was scared he was surrounded by different species because none of us sound like him. He thought he was in the looney bin,"I retold the story. Thomas was completely immersed as he tried to imagine calm, logical, cool minded Mama Newt freaking out over an accent. To be more precise he was freaking out over his own accent.

"Yeah. It was just you, me, and Alby. Everytime a Greenie came he'd be praying it'd be another person always saying bloody every ten seconds."

"But alas there never was another person who doesn't pronounce their g's,"I dramatically finished Minho's sentence.

"Why? Why did I decide you three were the people to be friends with?"He groaned.

"I love this story. Can I tell it? You know what? I'm going to tell it,"I announced.

"It was a Greenie night, and he clearly had no clue what to do. Gally was passing out his special drink for the very first time. Minho and I said shuck it and drank it without hesitation."

"That was our first mistake of the night,"Minho added.

"That's when we found out it was disgusting, and instead of being smart and putting it up Minho and I decided to see who could drink the most without throwing up."

"Unfortunately, it does a lot more than that,"Minho stated, emphasizing the lot.

"Which is why I said hey Minho. Wouldn't it be super cool if I climbed the tallest tree I could?"

"And I said that sounds super dangerous. I cannot let you do that in good conscience. I obviously have to be with you when you attempt this."

"He said it in much less sophisticated words,"I added.

"I thought that was the case,"Thomas shrugged, in love with this story.

"I may as well chip in,"Newt sighed.

"I decided not to chug a drink that burned my throat. That's why when I heard these two I dragged them away from the Deadheads. Do you have any idea how hard that is?"

"Probably a lot,"Thomas guessed.

"That's an understatement. These two were just swayin' back and forth and complainin'. I figured they would do something else that would put them in danger so I helped them out."

"He made us sleep in his hut,"I clarified.

"Is that why you call him Mama Newt?"Thomas asked, cocking his head like a curious puppy.

"Yep, and he absolutely loves it,"I teased, ruffling his hair. He kind of accepted defeat as he took a long breath.

"Don't be fooled. He's happy to be friends with us,"I whispered loud enough for all three of them to hear.

"Of course. I just don't like the Mama Newt thing, but yes. I am very happy that you shanks are my best friends. All of you,"He admitted.

"Aww. I love you too Mama Newt."

"Don't call me that!"

"Can you guys stop talking? We're trying to sleep,"Aris complained.

"Then, don't,"I shrugged.

"I am going to hit all four of you with his bat if you don't sleep,"Frypan grumbled.

"Okay, okay. Story time's over,"Newt announced.

"But-"

"Listen to Mama Newt,"He scolded, knowing nobody could ignore it when he gave in to his title.

"Fine. Goodnight you ugly shuckfaces,"Minho grumbled, turning over.

"Goodnight guys,"Thomas added.

"Sleep tight you idiots and Newt,"I said, realizing once I closed my eyes that I actually was exhausted.

"Goodnight guys. Love you oblivious shanks."

"Mhm. Love you to Mama Newt."

Despite being wide awake for story time just a few seconds ago staying up with them wore me out. It always does.

Even so I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Kinou Nani tabeta. aka My Heart is Full aka I suck at titles

Let me just say before anything else. This is not a recap or a review. This is me feeling the need to write down my feelings because they are pouring out of me. This is more a personal note than anything else so skip it if that's not your thing.

I always watch this show on saturday mornings, with my coffee and breakfast, because it gives me a boost for the weekend. And I wanted to postpone the final episode as much as possible but I just couldn't. I gave in.

Second FYI. This will probably be incoherent and a mess because that's how I feel. Also, this fucking menopause (surgical, don't give me too many extra years) is really making a mess of my emotional state this week, so I'm all over the place. Also I might've had some wine. Also this may be a bit long. I think that's it.

How I got here

So, I've loved cinema since I was like 7. (yeah I'm going really back in time) Because my mom like films, she dragged to the cinema even when I was way too young for whatever was on. [ Fun Side note- The first film that I saw in the cinema was Bram Stoker's Dracula, when I was like 6, and my mum got into an argument with the cinema employee because" I am her mother, and I'll decide what she can or can't watch"and so I did watch it.]

So I always loved watching films, talking about them and eventually went to uni to learn how to make them. During that time, I went through a phase (which happened to a couple other people in my school) where I kinda got emotionally detached from the stories. I could only see the camera angles, the lighting, the editing, etc.

When I was done with uni, and had decided that editing was my favourite thing I started doing a bit of work in editing, mostly online stuff and a couple of ads in London, and 3 years later I was done. Obviously there were life factors and health factors that contributed to this, but still I left it all behind.

Then, I quickly went back to being able to watch stories with all the emotions.

Let's skip forward to present day.

Kinou Nani Tabeta? feel in my lap by way of my very first BL. Seven Days. I watched those films and went through all the emotions and needed more. More of that serotonin please.

So I got in research mode and that's when I found this wonderful world of BL and eventually this show.

Now, a little bit more about me, just in case you aren't sick of me talking about myself. I'm not a jolly person. If you asked anyone that knows me irl, they would describe me as someone who always thinks the sky is falling. However, I also love a lot of things deeply, and when it comes to things that I can't find a word big enough for it I call it magic. So I'll use it here.

Kinou Nani Tabeta? is magic.

If this show was a meal then the absolutely right ingredients were found, they were put in the hands of the best cooks and everything was prepared with love and care. This show that I love, was put together by people who love it, and couldn't not make it. This is what I believe. It's my kind of faith.

I've seen so many shows, I've loved so many of them, a lot of them touched me deeply. But only a few touched me this way.

When there is love in something, real care and empathy in the making of something, you can feel it, I believe. And I feel it so much watching this show. I get emotional just writing this.

I wish I could thank every single person that made this show possible. And we could argue all day about the quality of a show, its actors, writers or directors. I could argue why my favourite show is better than your favourite show, and why your show is more important than my show, and why that show failed and another succeeded. I will not argue about the importance of this show and my faith is unshakable.

Maybe because I love food so much and in my life my love filled moments were always around food, I connected at first with Kenji, because his reactions to food resemble mine. But this season Shiro stole my heart and soul. His quiet but profound way of loving Kenji made cry more than any sad scene ever could. And onions and chicken thighs will forever have deeper meaning in my kitchen. These two characters are so well written and so well acted, the words are so layered and so meaningful, that it's a miracle to me that it exists and that I got to watch it.

I'm sure other people will write much better posts about this show, and will probably be better (at a hell of a lot more on point) at writing about all the amazing things that this show has done. But I'm an emotional wreck and I could only write from a personal place today.

I'll be rewatching this show in it's entirety soon, because the evolution of these characters, Shiro specially, was such a joy to witness.

If you read this far, thank you. 💜

[colorisbyshe]

How can you justify voting in this election?

Quite easily.

I do not vote while worrying about myself. By that I mean, I'm not voting to ensure I'm a good person. I am not that self centered. If this election is a stain on my soul, so fucking be it. It's not about me. If I'm a lesser person for what I have done to survive, the same way we're all lesser people for not doing EVERY SINGLE THING WE CAN EVERY SINGLE DAY to help other people, so be it.

I see this election as a form of survival. I am voting to keep as many people alive as possible. You when you're on a plane and they say put on your mask before you put on your child's or anyone else that can't? Same energy. More people survive when more people can put on their masks. Mutual aid, direct action, civil disobedience, things more extreme can all be easier and more effective with the right electorate.

I don't see voting as a cure all. I think of voting as a small, small step in a much larger plan. Voting is... a day, max. Voting is a couple hours of research into ALL of the candidates and measures on the ballot (spread out over an entire election cycle) and, depending on where you are, either a couple minutes or a couple hours in line. It could be a couple minutes filling in and dropping off a ballot. It does not get in the way of spending the rest of the year/term doing more directly impactful things.

Actual activists, who are on the streets and have dedicated their lives to good work, have encouraged people to vote. No one posts about it here but like... actual activists have been saying "It's horrible that these are our choices and yet we still must choose." Like... I don't really presume to know better than the people who have actually gone up to Kamala and begged her to change her ways.

Voter suppression, gerrymandering, and other forms of violence and disenfranchisement against potential voters are all proof that voting does matter, even when it doesn't feel like it.

I recognize "not enough of a difference between candidates" isn't the same as "no difference." The difference is thousands upon thousands of lives, tbh. But, if nothing else, you should be concerned about the fate of the supreme court right now.

Voting is not about what feels good. It's about what keeps things from getting even worse. That's it.

The conversation, the election, is going to happen whether or not your voice is involved. Why would you concede your spot on the table to someone you view as less moral than yourself? Why would you let someone else speak up over you while you stay mum?

And, again, voting today or any other day does not take any meaningful time or effort away from doing more impactful work. There's literally nothing to lose by voting today besides your self-obsessed sense of integrity.

Integrity doesn't' save lives, doesn't feed people, don't affect the supreme court, doesn't impact debt or the healthcare system. It's not going with these people to the grave or to the hospital or to school. Integrity isn't going to keep climate change at bay.

I'm also too cognizant of actual reality and not tumblr world to think a Trump presidency would be identical to a Kamala presidency. Like... I'm sorry, I do think Kamala is a terrible choice, I do think Biden has been a terrible president, and yet I do know it can be worse.

Most people I voted for aren't as different as they should be from their competitors. That weighs heavily on me. It agonizes me that we do not have good choices.

But we (speaking broadly, obviously I have noted some people ARE disenfranchised) still do have choices and there are still differences. And those differences include whether or not some people eat, whether some people get medical treatment, whether or not some people die.

Who the fuck am I to say let them die so I can feel good about myself and say I "taught the democrats a lesson" by not voting them (which is not a thing that has EVER worked, btw, democrats do not learn from you trying to rub their nose on the mess they made)

I'm not interested in feeling good about myself at anyone else's expense.

If you can't do it, no judgment. I do recognize how horrific this entire situation is. I'm just not built like that. Like if you really, really can't do it, so be it. If Kamala loses, it's her fault for being so fucking awful.

But... idk man. If even one additional person lives under her that would've died under Trump, I can't turn away from them. Personally.