#which obviously isn't true but it FEELS true

[thefeastandthefast]

The express episodes have dropped so soon I will be put out of my misery and know exactly what the hell is going on with Ji Yong.

But before I dive in, jotting down these thoughts as of episode 29 to see if I'll be eating my words later.

SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY:

His line about Song Mo one day understanding his true intentions (after expounding on what were supposedly his intentions in front of all of Prince Qing’s hidden troops just a moment earlier) makes it clear to me that there’s more to his actions than self-professed naked political ambition.

Plus, we know from episode 25 that he is probing into the Duke of Ding’s case and even leveraging his services as advisor and strategist to bargain for information from Prince Qing. There is little to no reason for him to care about this or put himself and his ambitions on the line, so why go to all the trouble?

One of my favorite aspects of this show is Ji Yong as foil to Dou Zhao, each representing a different attitude and approach to the problem of fate and will. I see why some may read Ji Yong as being in unrequited love but to me he reads more like DZ's platonic soulmate (even Granny, who introduced them with an eye for matchmaking, couldn’t see them as a couple!) After all, she is the only other person who is aware, as far as he knows, that they’re in Life 2.0, with the opportunity and burden of choosing differently.

Most importantly he doesn’t see himself in that light- in episode 26, he explicitly laments that friendship never takes precedence over romantic love. The feeling I got from his little monologue is not bitterness about the inability to “upgrade” to romantic love with Dou Zhao, but disappointment in his hope that Dou Zhao would value their special platonic love in the same way he does. As @therukurals reminded me- Ji Yong was pleased when Dou Zhao and Song Mo got together; it's only after Song Mo started going down the same path of Life 1.0 that he began to persuade DZ to leave her doomed husband to save herself.

He also keeps using the term 知己 (one who knows the self) to describe her, which is usually a word for friends of implicit mutual understanding, not romantic partners. But this pragmatist who doesn’t believe he can change much of anything also doesn't hesitate to throw his small stones into the river behind the scenes, perhaps hoping that the tiny ripples that result might alter Dou Zhao’s trajectory just a little before they are subsumed by the river of fate's overwhelming current, to shift her ending away from tragedy again. (Remembering his at-all-costs approach to pushing Dou Ming and Wei Tingyu together...)

I think he believes in the unforgiving immutable larger framework of fate, where the set and story remain but the players can change, whereas Dou Zhao hopes to rewrite the story altogether. In this light, it makes sense that he throws his lot in with Prince Qing once again in Life 2.0 even knowing the ending for himself if he does. He thinks he's found the key- when fate doesn't concern itself with intentions, only actions and consequences, then the greatest advantage is being in a position to place the players and direct the action.

Side note: I find his nickname for her super interesting (which unfortunately isn't translated in the subs) but haven't yet formulated coherent thoughts about it. He calls her Zhuang Zhou aka Zhuangzi aka the philosopher who dreamed he was a butterfly and wondered if in fact, it was a butterfly dreaming it was the philosopher.

[warriorprincesstramp]

horror is the woman I married but god our relationship is not what it was. I'm struggling.

[wellofdean]

So, I read the response above which is so interesting, and I want to keep thinking about it, and then after that had these interesting tags in my feed from @bloodyentrails...

#i think that sam being compassionate towards certain people is kinda normal we tend to relate on a personal level#and him being queer-coded etc doesn't mean you have to care about him#just that that is a thing?#idk what kind of discourse i'm wandering into a lot of the time but relating to characters#and understanding they have been written in a certain way isn't the same thing#which is to say that i would love it if the writing had tackled that inconsistency#but i find that the show on the whole is inconsistent#and i think it's hard to maintain consistency over so many years with so many people working on it#i do think both of them are *trying* to be good people and they sometimes fail and also what constitutes a good person is kinda open#anyway#bear in mind i'm still only halfway through so#maybe i'll change my mind on all this#spn

It's a point worth considering that in the world of the show, Sam's sympathy for monsters seems principled and some how defies gravity, but that in the real world it wouldn't translate to anything real; that's likely true, and an interesting point. Having said that, I think Sam is pretty clearly not particularly"real world" compassionate, and I don't need monsters to make the argument that Sam is not the compassionate one because he shows a general lack of empathy towards PEOPLE, including but by no means limited to Dean, throughout the show. And, ok, he sometimes argues for a compassionate response to monsters and Dean doesn't always respond favourably, but that's because Sam fears he is one, and he needs to believe monsters are not all bad, which is not borne out of compassion, it's a rationalization that serves his psychological needs.

Basically, I think Sam is all surface. Sam is the urbane one, the smart one, the compassionate one, the one who talks nice to people, the broadly queer-coded one, the feminist, etc., but with Sam, all that is skin deep. He APPEARS as such! He's good at pretending, but he's nearly as savage as John is, Dean is much more sensitive to other people's needs, Dean is every bit as clever as he is, and intuitive to boot, Sam can ACT compassionate, but in fact he isn't really very empathetic to anyone, and he is able to just move on from all the things Dean just can't, Sam's not in fact queer, but Dean is queered to his fucking bones, and Sam's the one whose unconsciously replicated misogyny allows him to think any woman that would be into Dean is obviously a whore, and to keep his girlfriend in the dark about the truth of his life, while Dean is just talking a big game of cartoon misogyny TO SAM while treating the women he interacts with pretty fucking respectfully, actually.

Honestly, it's the same as the way Sam is supposedly the 'main character'. He's introduced as the one we should care about and identify with, but within, like, two episodes, he's really just a foil for Dean. Sam has BIG PLOTS, but it's Dean's feelings, reactions and relationships we really care about.

And, the fact is, Sam was pretty well-realized in the earlier eps. JarPad was giving it some effort, and he was charming then with his boyishness -- the way he seemed like he hadn't fully lived into his physical real estate -- but the thing is, he never could really hold a candle to Dean who was just magnetic. All the interesting character development was given to Dean and Jensen killed it by always making it seem like Dean had so much going on under the surface, and like, to the extent I care about Sam, it's because Dean loves him.

I kind of wonder what happened. Was Dean always meant to be the dark horse hero? Or was Dean just...played by a better, more compelling actor, and they started writing for him instead? There are so many much more interesting things they could have done with Sam, and they just...DIDN'T.

I dunno, I suppose it could just be me, but I feel like the way Sam just SEEMS, Dean IS.

maybe this is me being a dumb overly literal autist stemlord who simply does not understand literary theory or some shit equivalent but why should i care about someone being coded as [X] when i can just. care about someone who is [X]. why should i care more about the conventionally attractive white woman with a job and mortgage because she's metaphorically othered due to being a supernatural creature when i could care about the actually othered addicts that she used as a source of food. help me out here.

[bumblingbabooshka]

It's impossible to write a TOS x Any other Series crossover [for me] without having to think about whose lens it's going to primarily be from because the vibe of TOS is so distinct and I think quite different from all series that follow it. The way the characters speak and are presented is so theatrical and of course steeped in the past that I find myself considering if this is, say, Janeway meeting Kirk (through a VOY perspective) or if I should write Janeway as she would appear if she stepped through a portal and was in TOS' universe.

[spurgie-cousin]

All of the speculations I’m seeing just make me want to make an account for the first time ever in my life to make one single post that’s like “everyone participating in these guessing games about Brianne and her motives is doing exactly what Jill wants: taking focus away from Tim and Heidi’s wedding” and never post anything else or respond to any comments.

It would probably get taken down by the mods and definitely get shit on by other posters (“wtf we can focus on two things at once”) but I just got the idea from that one meme(?) that’s like “when a conspiracy theorist says the moon landing was faked you should look at them incredulously and ask ‘you believe in the moon?’” Like taking it one step further to say that this is all Jill’s plan

Honestly RodReddit is such a dumpster fire, I say go for it lol stir the pot. I think some of the conspiracy theorists are a step ahead though, at least one person made a comment about Jill and Brianne working together behind Sam's back. Which is kind of hilarious if you think about it because it's like, an uno reverse on the traditional fundie dating set up where the dad picks the husband.

Real talk though, the niche redditors are starting to fascinate me in like, an actual hyper-fixation kinda way lol. just as someone who tries not to consume misinformation on the internet, I'm so interested in why someone would dedicate time to making up stories about these D-list Christian internet celebrities (it feels stupid even calling them that lmao but you get it). especially when it's obvious they HATE these people.

like I totally understand spending time talking or learning about people you're interested in (obviously, hello look around), but you read the stuff some of these guys write and it's all hatred with none of the curiosity, and just a mountain of assumptions they want to believe is true and that they want others to believe is true. about these total strangers that they will never meet. i've just been feeling like i kind of need to know the reasons behind it or i'll explode

[cathodic-clairvoyant]

There's a lot about discussion of hdwr that baffles me (not all discussion to be clear, because i do think there's a lot of good discussion about hdwr. But equally so are there the ones that make you wonder if you're reading the same story) and I think one that is especially annoying is the constant infantilization of miwa as this passive eternal victim. It drives me up a wall because this is quite literally an issue she's struggled with within the text of the story! She had an arc about how she dislikes how people treat her this way like towards the beginning of the story! And like even ignoring that, this story is about like nuanced and realistic portrayals of being in relationships and learning how to navigate them and so it's like what's the point if you're going to immediately reduce the characters to "the victim" and "the victimizers?" Is that even interesting? Is that a useful lens to look at interpersonal relationships?

[unproduciblesmackdown]

omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!

[fluentisonus]

while we're talking about it though that's something really fundamental to spock's character I think in a way I don't always see discussed, that by joining starfleet he's making the explicit and intentional choice that he'd rather be seen as a perfect example of an alien amongst humans than as an imperfect vulcan amongst vulcans. I see this framed a lot as him being more accepted in starfleet than he was on vulcan, and I really don't think that's the case at all: he's still very attached to vulcan, and we see all the prejudice he has to face and how little he's understood in starfleet. but what it comes down to is that he'd rather exist in a place where no one understands him and so he has nothing to prove -- even if that means being very alone -- than in a place where he's surrounded by the familiar & meaningful but everyone can see the ways he can't quite fit. if that makes sense

[end-orfino]

ahhhhhh i remember why i dont read comics & books and watch movies as much as I should. Because they make me lose it

[rotisseries]

THAT’S SO COOL????? I’m not into video games but GOD they reincarnate and are in love every time??? princess and knight??? also I’ve been wanting to say this for ages but link is sooooo gender. you get it

so. they are in love in the sense that nintendo is queerbaiting me. queerbaiting me with a "straight" couple (they are lesbians). they are not canon they kissed only in the second ever zelda game when there was only the barest story and they were nothing more than pixel sprites and they have not been canon since. and because every game is technically a different link and a different zelda, each individual game varies on how shippable they actually are? like, I'm not very far through twilight princess yet but I've heard they're pretty much just coworkers in that one. the three latest mainline games though, they're like. they're pretty much canon in all but name like you could say it's platonic but like at that point you are running on loads of denial. the three latest mainline games are skyward sword, which is the first link and zelda, the start of the cycle. the plot ENTIRELY revolves around how much link loves zelda. cause they're best friends, hyrule as a kingdom doesn't even exist yet (they live on an island in the sky) she falls to earth and is running around having to discover that she's a reincarnated goddess (that's a whole angst factor btw bc the goddess (hylia) had to fight demise and she won but knew it was temporary and knew demise would have to be defeated again, and that he would need to be defeated with the power of the triforce, which can only be wielded by humans, so she decided basically that she'd need a loyal human knight, and so she reincarnated into a human girl because a girl is loved in the way a goddess isn't and she knew someone would love a human girl enough to save her WHICH HAPPENS so basically zelda gets to have an identity crisis was she just dragging link towards this destiny the whole time? did she truly love him? did he truly love her? are they puppets in this grand plan? "I'm still your zelda" she says to him, but is she??? drives me nuts) and he, ever loyal, keeps running after her to save her again and again and again (link is so dog coded there's a great botw fic about this), and then they defeat demise and he curses them and link is just some guy who went through ALL THIS SHIT cause he LOVED zelda. what if you were in love with your best friend and it cursed you and your descendants for the rest of time this is so francesca by hozier I'd tell them put me back in it I'd go through it again if i could hold you for a minute. and then the next two mainline games are breath of the wild and tears of the kingdom and breath of the wild involves an amnesia plot so you basically watch link fall in love with zelda a second time and then in tears of the kingdom they are. common law married. they share a house. there's only one bed. do NOT get me FUCKING STARTED on the hateno house. and nintendo still plays FUCKING COY zelda's english va has to be like "they... have a really close bond...." this is how I know they're queer you wouldn't do this with straight people. and then people also ship ocarina of time (most popular and well known game of the series most praised for its story) zelink a lot but that's an older game I haven't played yet so I can't speak on them. zelda is so transmasc in that one though this I know. I talk about link being genderqueer a fair amount and everyone on this internet knows link is trans but trust. zelink is t4t

[paging-possum]

Who up listening to good luck babe by chappell roan and having it resonate not in the way intended but resonating nonetheless. About to go ham in the tags about the overlap of being a lesbian and being aromantic...if u even care....

[lunaechaos]

man i don't know why but i can't trust people who erase canon information about a character just to label them a sexuality that doesn't even make sense

[lady-vetinari]

I've seen discussions about Watcher pop up everywhere these past few days and it took me a while to realize what it even referred to cause I never watched the ghost hunting show, and I am still only working with context clues, really, but it always sounds to me like they want to create a new streaming service the same price as dropout for one show? Probably (hopefully) they have more shows, but that's the only one I as an outsider even know about, which is... a choice

But all I keep thinking is that they should have just made a kickstarter if they need a boost of money - right? Like, okay, so maybe their stuff costs more than is worth it with 'just' ads, patreon and merch, I get it, shooting a professional show is expensive. But like, just kickstart a new season. A lot of patreon supporters will still back the campaign, people who don't want monthly payments may be fine with a one time thing, and then when you put the season on youtube, you'll still get the ad revenue. And then you can have some kickstarter exclusive stuff, sure, but not put your entire catalogue behind a paywall. Especially building up a whole new site to host their stuff with accounts and payment processing and everything cannot be cheap in and of itself.

I'm guessing they already deterred too many of their fans from giving them money with their current plans for this to be feasible, but man

[cosmics-beings]

ugh so many megatron thoughts that i am honestly just too afraid to post but i have so many meta about him that i wanna write but im just afraid of how people will take them.

[pibsboots]

I've always had chronic fatigue. I remember being twelve, and an adult mentioned how I couldn't possibly know how tired they felt because adulthood brought levels of exhaustion I couldn't imagine. I thought about that for days in fear, because I couldn't remember the last time I didn't feel tired.

Eventually I came to terms with the fact that I was just tired, and I couldn't do as many things as everyone else. People called me lazy, and I knew that wasn't true, but there's only so many times you can say "I'm tired" before people think it's an excuse. I don't blame them. When a teenager does 20 hours of extracurriculars every week and only says "I'm too tired" when you ask them to do the dishes, it's natural to think it's an excuse. At some point, I started to think the same thing.

It didn't matter that I could barely sit up. It was probably all in my head, and if I really wanted to, I could do it.

When I learned the name for it, chronic fatigue, I thought wow, people that have that must be miserable, because I am always tired and I cannot imagine what it would feel like if it were worse.

Spoiler alert, if you've been tired for a decade, it's probably chronic fatigue.

Once I figured that out though, I thought of my energy as the same as everyone else's, just smaller in quantity. And that might be true for some people, but I've figured out recently that it absolutely isn't true for me.

I used to be like wow I have so much energy today I can do this whole list for sure! And then I'd do the dishes and have to lay down for 2 hours. Then I'd think I must gave misjudged that, I didn't have as much energy as I thought.

But the thing is - I did have enough energy for more tasks, I just didn't go about them properly.

With chronic fatigue, your maximum energy is obviously much smaller than the average person's. Doing the dishes for you might use up the same percentage of energy that it takes to do all the daily chores for someone else.

If someone without chronic fatigue was to do all the daily chores, they would take breaks. Because otherwise, they're sprinting a marathon for no reason and it would take way more energy than necessary. We have to do the same.

Put the cups in the dishwasher, take a break. Put the bowls in, take a break. So on and so forth. This may mean taking breaks every 2-5 minutes but afterwards, you get to not feel like you've run a marathon while carrying 4 people on your back.

Today, I had a moderate amount of energy. Under my old system of go till you drop, I probably could have done most of the dishes and wiped off the counter and then been dead to the world for the rest of the day.

Under the new system, I scooped litter boxes, cleaned out the fridge, took the trash out, cleaned the stove, and wiped off the counter and did all the dishes. And after all that, I still had it in me to make a simple dinner, unload the dishwasher, and tidy the kitchen.

It was complete and utter insanity. Just because I sat down whenever I felt myself getting more tired than I already was.

All this to say, take fucking breaks. It's time to unlearn the ceaseless productivity bullshit that capitalism has shoved down our throats. Its actively counterproductive. Just sit down. Drink some water. Rest your body when it needs to rest.

There will still be days where there is nothing to do but rest, and days where half a load of dishes is absolutely the most I can do. But this method has really helped me minimize those, which is so incredibly relieving.

[mothbart]

hm