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stillness-in-green · 2 years ago

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Chapter Thoughts — Chapter 380: A Skosh

It's a critical week in here, gang. Odd, because I largely enjoyed the chapter on a casual first read. I had the usual reaction of throwing my hands in the air when AFO told us about his plans, but I like all the Shiketsu kids and enjoyed the hit of LB and Gentle content. But then I went back for the closer read, and good god, I swear there's not a single major beat this week that didn't have some howling hole right through the middle of it that the series did not appear to have noticed. Do hit the jump.

On the Business Kids and La Brava’s Live Feed

O Man. Swirlyhair here talks about how the business course should have been on-hand to document the war arc, and this would have prevented the collapse of the relationship between heroes and the public. But like—the whole point of the raids in the war arc was to carry out a quick, tidy roundup of villains[1] in a way that would cause minimal danger and disruption to society. It was hidden from the public by design.

A bunch of UA business course kids would never have been allowed to come along to document the raids because that is just not how the HPSC was running them—nor, indeed, how they operated in general—and I wonder how aware this kid is of that fact.

Anyway, what would a camera on-scene for Twice’s death have told the public? What about one filming Shigaraki’s manifesto? How about footage of heroes attacking the brave citizens of Deika, mere months after they were tragically attacked by villains and were still struggling to recover? Heck, let’s move it forward some: what if there’d been a camera on-scene when Lady Nagant revealed the truth of the murder that got her thrown in prison? What if that bombshell didn't get absorbed by Deku, the Oblivious Boy Wonder, and then die there?

That’s all to say, this scene has a really bizarre pro-propaganda vibe going on. Sure, the heroes nominally suffered a lot because they lost control of the narrative, but given what heroes and especially the HPSC were doing with control over the narrative, it’s utterly wild to see BNHA put forward this heartfelt, “If only people could have seen how hard the heroes were working (at concealing the truth of their decades-long pattern of failure from the general public), the link between heroes and society would never have been broken!” thesis.

O The business kids may be incredibly invested in restoring the fuck out the heroes’ public image, but thankfully, La Brava has no such motivations. All she wants is for the highest number of people possible to appreciate Gentle Criminal, to which I say, “Damn straight.” While I suspect she has somewhat missed her best window on that, I look forward to anything else interesting that she catches on tape and projects out to the entire world long before the Propaganda Class gets a chance to take all that footage to the editing room. Maximum erosion of the status quo, please and thanks; AFO should take this opportunity to show up in his still-rewinding body and the whole world can see Midoriya Izuku punch out a six-year-old.

On AFO’s Possession Plan Still Being Stupid Retconned Bullshit

O WHY.

O IF AFO NEEDS SHIGARAKI’S STRONG WILL IN ORDER TO TAKE OFA.

O WHY.

O WAS THE ORIGINAL PLAN FOR SHIGARAKI TO BECOME AFO ENTIRELY.

O Ahem.

O As discussed previously by the Top Three, and also Ujiko, AFO himself lacks the force of will to steal One For All. The implication has been that AFO raised Shigaraki the way he did so that Shigaraki would have both the inclination and the force of will to surpass Sensei in this specific regard. If AFO meant to possess him entirely, what good would that force of will have done? If Shigaraki’s will were weak enough to be sublimated by AFO’s, Shigaraki would then de facto be weaker than AFO, and therefore also weaker than OFA, and therefore no more capable of stealing OFA than AFO himself is!

Did he think the strong will would just magically linger, even as he took Shigaraki’s mind over completely? Is it not the strong will that matters at all, but only a strong “impulse for destruction”? But wouldn’t an AFO that maintained Shigaraki’s impulse for destruction still have been a hybrid, exactly what AFO says was not his intention?

Further, why does he think shoving his quirk (factor) into Shigaraki will make a difference? Shigaraki already has[2] the original All For One quirk. If it doesn’t matter who has the original quirk and who has the copy made by Ujiko, then why give Tomura the original to begin with? If Tomura has already shaken off the real vestige’s influence, why would he be incapable of doing the same with a copy? Or is there something different at play here? AFO didn’t technically say he wants to give Shigaraki his (copied) quirk, after all; he said he wants to give Shigaraki his quirk factor. But why doesn’t Shigaraki have that already? A quirk factor includes, after all, not just the quirk itself, but also the biological infrastructure that allows the quirk to function. Probably the most visible expression of this with AFO is the holes in his palms—which Shigaraki already has. Surely the All For One quirk takes the quirk factor when it’s used, not just the quirk itself? Otherwise, AFO could wind up with quirks he doesn’t have the capability to use.

For example, what if he took Endeavor’s fire quirk but didn’t get the heat-resistant body to go with it? What if he took Hawks’ Fierce Wings and it turned out to be totally useless to him because all he got was the ability to control his feathers—feathers he doesn’t have because he didn’t get the wings in the transfer, only the wing control?

And so on. And like, look, I know I’m asking a lot of questions that it’s possible that Horikoshi intends to answer in due time. Maybe AFO normally can take a person’s entire quirk factor, but Ujiko’s method of quirk storage could only handle the quirk itself, not the quirk factor’s additional infrastructure. Maybe that’s part of the reason Shigaraki needed four months of surgery: he needed augmentations to be able to use AFO at all.

But if that’s the case, and bringing Shigaraki completely to heel is just a matter of giving him the remaining biological components Ujiko couldn’t store, why didn’t AFO do that in the cave they were living in for weeks? Hell, as I’ve been wondering for years, if all AFO ever wanted was a new body, why not jam his quirk into Shimura Tenko at the ripe age of five?

I’d been lately willing to concede that AFO needing Shigaraki’s will, not just a new body, addressed, if not all, then at least a lot of what I saw as inconsistencies between early AFO and AFO now. Then here comes this chapter to tell us, no, Shigaraki’s mentality is entirely immaterial. Again, maybe there’s some huge missing puzzle piece Horikoshi’s sitting on that will explain all of this and I’ll be eating my words by the end of the story.

But good god, if that’s the case, I wish Horikoshi would just get on with it. The AFO we have now is an incomprehensible scrawl of, “Whatever kind of evil he needs to be to make this week’s chapter work,” and I am so very tired of trying to make him make sense.

(I will write the full AFO Retcon Theory essay one of these days, but consider this a taste of my kvetching about all the scattered elements across the whole of the series that just refuse to add up to anything coherent.)

On the Fake-Out

O I enjoyed it on a first read—I like Camie and I’m getting enough tired_of_this_guy_dartboard.meme about AFO that I enjoyed seeing him get completely clowned on—but on a more careful pass, I do have a few issues.

There’s another case in here of Horikoshi using the reader’s expectations of the medium’s structure to blatantly lie to us.[3] We saw this before with the traitor plot line, when Chapter 335 ended on a staggeringly bad faith cliffhanger by overlapping AFO talking about his “friends” with the viewpoint zooming to UA and landing on Hagakure.[4] Here, we have Hawks’s internal narration, the bit that runs, “Our future’s on the line! For the kids’ sake!! To go further beyond toward a future so bright they can’t help but smile!!” To see the problem, consider this: Who is delivering those lines? Hawks is way down near the ground staring at Shishikura, who just blocked him from taking to the sky, with a shocked expression, so it couldn’t have been him. Camie’s illusion!Hawks presumably can’t think for itself like Twice’s clones, so not it. It obviously wasn’t Camie herself, given that it sounds absolutely nothing like her established character voice. So who? We’re led to believe that we’re seeing Hawks because of that dramatic narration about the future, but while Hawks might have started in on that line of thought just before Shiketsu intervened, it would make no sense for him to go on thinking that way while watching an illusion of himself get torn apart. It would be closer to working if Camie were capable of hiding people with her illusions; she could have just hidden Hawks at the last second with an illusion of empty sky and replaced him with an illusion version of himself. However, I have my doubts that there’d be an opening for her to do that when Hawks is right up in AFO’s face. Someone would have needed to push him out of the way, into her Empty Space glamour, and again, when we see the real Hawks, he’s down on the ground, the wall of finger positioned in front of him, like it prevented him from taking off to begin with, not above him like it just got done pushing him very rapidly out of the sky. No sign that he’s shaking off Invisibility Mist, either. So what we have is dramatic monologue that don’t seem to make any sense coming from any involved party. I.e. Horikoshi is lying to the reader about the stakes for a measly single page of drama and a good reaction panel. And all he would have had to do to fix that specific problem is just not provide that internal monologue! Just present the action as-is and it would have been fine! ...Well, mostly fine.

The other issue is that, based on AFO’s capabilities as they’ve been presented to us, this never should have worked to begin with. Set aside the issue of whether Camie has any way to reasonably predict (and therefore make her illusion perform accordingly) the effect AFO was expecting when he reached towards Hawks and twisted his hand—she doesn’t, but it only needed to be a moment’s distraction. Getting AFO to waste time on it means it’s already served its purpose. Also, since her illusions are formed of mist, they might have enough substance to be affected by such force, even if she could just reform them afterward like Geten can reform his ice. No, the bigger problem is that AFO should have seen through it immediately thanks to all those extrasensory quirks we know good and well he has. Empathy? Vibration sense?[5] Search? Infrared? Every single one of those should have revealed that this was a farce, especially the infrared one. I suppose there’s the possibility that he’s lost those quirks as part of his rewinding—there’s a reasonable chance he only gained most of them after getting his face splunched by All Might in the backstory, with Search coming circa the training camp attack—but if he’s losing quirks to the rewind process, that certainly isn’t something he’s seen fit to tells us about so far. I notice he doesn’t seem concerned about a timer on his flight quirk, for example. It’s also possible that he’s just not using those quirks at the moment, seeing as he has his eyes back; we don’t actually know what the requirements for those quirks are—who knows; maybe Infrared only works if he closes his eyes or something. All in all, this objection is easier to rationalize than the inner monologue one, but it’s still pretty glaring in terms of the narrative just outright ignoring AFO’s previously stated capabilities. Chalk this up, I guess, as another case of I Want To Like This But You Are Making It Harder Than It Needs To Be.

On Shiketsu’s Arrival

O I like all of them, so I can’t complain too much about their presence, but also I really have to question the decision-making that they’re citing here. Shishikura tells us that Shiketsu was designated non-aggressive and intended to receive refugees, but the refugees hadn’t arrived. So their response was to—gather up their school’s entire hero course and deploy them to go help in battle? Instead of, say, gathering their hero course and going to help the refugees?

Okay, Shiketsu has no way to know that Skeptic was interfering with the refugee transport, nor that AFO has spies among the refugees. But, what, did they just assume, “Well, the refugees never showed up, so I guess that means we’re free to do whatever!” Did they not ask why the refugees never showed up? Did they try to get in touch with UA about it? Did they send anyone into the underground tunnels to see if something had happened to the transport? Why was the apparent first response to totally waive their responsibility to the civilians they’d been assigned to protect and rush off to the battlefields instead?

I only skimmed the leaks last night, so perhaps there’ll be more to say about this next week,[6] but wow, what the fuck? Was it intentional to make these guys look so interested in fighting villains that they just wrote off the civilians completely? Did they judge that if something happened to the civilians it was probably too late to help them, and thought it best to go join the battle in hopes of turning the tides against the villains instead? A greater good/losing the battle but winning the war situation?

In any case, fingers crossed that this turns into a situation similar to the heroes leaving Central Hospital wildly under defended and losing Kurogiri for it. Sure, the students being here probably saved Hawks’ life, but what did they abandon in making that choice? If UA is busy fighting Shigaraki and a wave of Twices, and Shiketsu bailed on their responsibility to the civilians, then who exactly is left to do anything about whatever situation Midoriya Inko and company have found themselves in?

If it’s only civilians down there, will they have to step up and save themselves? Will anyone bring up the story of the citizens of Deika? How will the narrative frame this? Will civilians saving themselves be a thing that we should expect to see continue, or will it be a one-off miracle and afterward everyone will be expected to go back to depending on heroes again? Even though the heroes that were supposed to be protecting them left them to the wolves to go fight villains instead?

Or will it turn out that there are a bunch of yet-unseen heroes already tasked with protecting/finding the civilians and all of this will be a complete nothing-burger that gets resolved as soon as it gets directly addressed? Probably that, but allow me to imagine otherwise for a little while, at least.

Stray Notes

O I can’t believe Gentle is getting the Amecomi hero moment before Deku smfh. What is even the point of Black Whip as a Spider-Man homage if Deku’s never going to have to plant himself in front of a monorail train or similar and look like he’s going to burst a blood vessel with the strain it takes to make it stop before it plunges off a destroyed rail and kills everyone onboard?

O Gentle Criminal is so funny. He’ll do all this without the camera and audience, but, you know, that’s not to say that having a camera and an audience doesn’t still make his heart skip a beat.

O All the Himijins offing themselves en masse by swan-diving off the platform just so they can take some heroes with them over the edge is a hell of a thing. It says quite a bit about Toga’s mental state, since Twice clones are not historically in a huge hurry to die. They will, certainly, especially copies of Jin who share his dedication to the League, but they will complain about it first. The Himijins don’t even hesitate.

O I notice AFO’s spiraling gesture used to shred “Hawks” is basically identical to the one Robot (the helm-headed High End) used to tear Mirko’s arm off back in 262. It’s a neat point of continuity, and I always enjoy seeing quirks the Noumu use turn up in other places, or quirks we’ve seen elsewhere turn up in Noumu, as with Mocha having Double and Hood-chan having Muscular’s quirk. I also suspect that John-chan’s Warp is a component part of Kurogiri’s Warp Gate, though I don’t think that’s ever been confirmed anywhere.

Of course, Robot’s move was noted to be long-range, which kind of begs the question of why AFO hasn’t used it on anyone else up to this point, but I suppose when you have as many quirks as AFO does, you get used to using whatever seems fun at the time, rather than the most slavishly optimum tactical choice. It may also not be tremendously accurate at long range, given that Robot only gets Mirko’s arm with it.

O Inasa swooping up the whole army of Himijins is very, “God forbid a villain do anything,” but I will forgive it if it means Ochaco has to, in the next few chapters, rescue Toga from falling sixteen stories to a messy doom in a viciously karmic echo of Curious’s death.

------------------ FOOTNOTES ------------------ 1: One hundred thousand people, lest I ever forget to harp on that number.

2: And he may have just destroyed it, too, but the concrete effects of horrifically rending a quirk vestige limb from phantasmal limb remain ambiguous.

3: Which would be fine if the narrative were being unreliable as a result of faulty memory, intentional fabrication, psychosis, dreamlike surrealism, and so on. Lying to the audience has a rich and valid history as a narrative device! But there needs to be a reason you're lying to the audience, not just that you're stringing them along like someone leaving a fake hundred dollar bill on the table as a tip and hoping the server don't notice the counterfeit.

4: I’d also point to some peoples’ ongoing confusion with the matter of Re-Destro’s lineage, which I think stems from the expectations set up by the narration talking about Yotsubashi Chikara having a child out in the world while the images pointedly hang over the just-introduced CEO of Detnerat. Still, at least there, a detail-oriented reader could look to the series’ broadly established timeline to figure that a man younger than All Might is probably not the direct son of a man who got his start circa the legal establishment of professional heroism.

5: This one’s a bit unclear. In the same chapter he mentions the empathy and infrared, Chapter 94, he talks about sensing vibrations in the air, but the phrasing is such that he might just mean he senses those the way any normal person could. Sound is a vibration in the air, after all.

6: Also up for discussion next week: Shishikura being in the same scene as the man who murdered his father.

#bnha #bnha 380 #chapter thoughts #ua propaganda class #bnha afo #quirk metaphysics #afo retcon theory #shiketsu fen #my writing

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moiraineswife · 4 years ago

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Autistic Allegories in Renarin’s Arc - Meta

s’up y’all, your favourite local rambler is back at it again. Diving straight in to this one. The motivation for this post is something that might be controversial, and I’m going to try and explain it as clearly as I can and make my intentions clear, but I get this is the internet and things get misinterpreted to fuck.

So, since Renarin was confirmed to be a queer character, I’ve seen a lot of posts and takes on pretty much every platform I frequent that equates all of Renarin’s traits/struggles in canon as being foreshadowing/parallels to his queer identity and experience.

I get this. I’m also queer. I understand the instinct to take, say, Renarin’s corrupted spren bond and his desire to keep his nature as a Radiant hidden/his lack of understanding initially and assume it to be queer foreshadowing/parallel. I big get that. And that’s not a bad interpretation.

The problem is, this is the ONLY interpretation people put forth. They ignore things explicitly said/connections made in canon to Renarin being autistic and say ‘this is it. this is what this means. it’s about him being gay’. When, actually, a good chunk of it is about his experience as an autistic man in an allistic society. Which I think is what Brandon wants to explore/has set up in the text.

So I decided to look at this in more depth from an autistic perspective - some of the moments that most clearly parallel Renarin’s autistic experience and explain how and why this is a thing, and hopefully just highlight this aspect of his character and explain things to folks.

Renarin’s Blade Screaming

Jumping right into it then: Renarin’s bond with Glys is very clearly paralleled with his autism. The text outlines this connection multiple times throughout the series, and explores it in interesting ways.

First up, Renarin first revealing himself as a Truthwatcher makes this pretty clear:

“And the Shardblade,” Dalinar said, stepping over and taking his son by the shoulder. “You hear screams. That’s what happened to you in the arena. You couldn’t fight because of those shouts in your head from summoning the Blade. Why? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I thought it was me,” Renarin whispered. “My mind. But Glys, he says . . .” Renarin blinked. “Truthwatcher.” (WoR)

“Adolin,” he said softly. “I … um … I have to give you back the Shardblade you won for me.”

“Why?” Adolin said.

“It hurts to hold,” Renarin said. “It always has, to be honest. I thought it was just me, being strange. But it’s all of us.”

“Radiants, you mean.”

He nodded. (Oathbringer)

Renarin didn’t explain to his father or the others what was happening to him because he thought it was part of his autistic experience.

Being autistic you get used to experiencing a lot of in-brain things and not realising that other people don’t experience them, too. I have hypersensitivity to sound. I can hear things other people don’t, because their brains naturally filter them out - like electronics whining.

The experience of having a Shardblade scream inside your head is actually a pretty great parallel for sensory overload. It’s something intense, something frightening, and overwhelming, and even painful. But Renarin just endures it without comment because that’s what we’re conditioned to do.

“A group of shellheads tried to seize one of the bridges, Brightlord,” the bridgeman said softly. “Brightlord Renarin insisted on going to help. Sir, we tried hard to dissuade him. Then, when he got near and summoned his Blade, he just kind of . . . stood there. We got him away, sir, but he’s been sitting on that rock ever since.”

[...]

“I just stood there,” Renarin said. “I wasn’t frozen because of my . . . ailment. I’m just a coward.”

When Adolin hears about Renarin freezing up he assumes that he had a fit. Renarin corrects him on this, once he’s verbal again, but says that he was just a coward.

He froze up once he summoned his Blade. Because it would have started screaming in his head and this was overwhelming. When other Radiants have experienced this on-screen the screaming has been so intense they immediately dropped or dismissed the Blade, unable to hold it.

From this, I infer that Renarin believes everyone experiences this when they fight with a Shardblade. He doesn’t realise that it’s strange for him because he’s a Radiant. He thinks everyone experiences it, but they push through and overcome it. He can’t, and instead of thinking something strange is going on, he assumes that it’s a weakness of his and that he’s a coward.

This is a fairly common autistic experience. Why can’t you just get over this? Why is that overwhelming you? Just ignore the sound. Just ignore the lights. Stop being so weak/oversensitive.

That’s what Renarin thinks is happening. That’s why he doesn’t examine his experiences more closely, and realise he’s a Radiant. He thinks it’s part of him being autistic, and that he’s just being overly sensitive, until Glys is able to communicate with him and explain he’s a Truthwatcher.

The Rhyshadium Don’t Fit

“They don’t fit, you know.”

“Don’t fit?”

“Ryshadium have stone hooves,” Renarin said, “stronger than ordinary horses’. Never need to be shod.”

“And that makes them not fit? I’d say that makes them fit better.…” Adolin eyed Renarin. “You mean ordinary horses, don’t you?”

Renarin blushed, then nodded. (Oathbringer)

This, for me, is one of the most direct and obvious parallel between Renarin’s experience as an autistic man, and his experience as a Radiant.

Firstly, he comments on the Rhyshadium ‘not fitting’ with ordinary horses. They’re different. They have different hooves, which means they never need to be shod, like regular horses. In this case, being shod is something all horses do. It’s something natural for them, and the Rhyshadium not having it makes them stand out. This is similar to Renarin’s experience in society and in life.

The Rhyshadium are sometimes called ‘the third shard’ - they’re tied to the Radiants and to Stormlight. Renarin aligning himself with them, and his not fittng with them not fitting, mirrors his being Radiant stopping him from fitting in as he wants to.

A big part of his arc is his desire to fit in somewhere. His integration with Bridge Four is a huge boost to his confidence. He asks to join them to try and find somewhere to belong. The bridgemen are outcasts. They’re people who don’t fit in society, either, for various different reasons. Renarin fits with them, therefore, because he doesn’t fit elsewhere.

When he starts becoming a Radiant, and a different type of Radiant to the others, he starts to worry again. He worries that, yet again, he’s different for reasons he cannot control, and he’s worried the bridgemen will abandon or reject him as has happened frequently in noble society.

“So why are you embarrassed?”

“I’m … not?”

Adolin gave him a flat stare.

Renarin dismissed the Blade. “I simply … Adolin, I was starting to fit in. With Bridge Four, with being a Shardbearer. Now, I’m in the darkness again. Father expects me to be a Radiant, so I can help him unite the world. But how am I supposed to learn?”

Adolin scratched his chin with his good hand. “Huh. I assumed that it just kind of came to you. It hasn’t?”

“Some has. But it … frightens me, Adolin.” He held up his hand, and it started to glow, wisps of Stormlight trailing off it, like smoke from a fire. “What if I hurt someone, or ruin things?”

The conversation continues, and further solidifies the connection between the Rhyshadium not fitting with other horses, and Renarin not fitting in with other people.

He had become a Shardbearer, and was starting to fight and do what an Alethi man is expected to do in society. Go to war with Shards, with glory, etc etc etc. That didn’t quite work out.

For Renarin, whenever he gets closer to assimilating with the standard society and expectations, something happens to stop him. Initially it’s his epilepsy. He has fits, and his chronic illness makes him generally weaker and more frail, meaning that he can’t fight.

Once he’s given Shards to help mitigate those factors, he can’t use the Shards because his Radiant bond makes them scream inside his head. Again stopping him from fighting and becoming a soldier.

He then goes on to tell Adolin that he doesn’t really know how to Radiant. And Adolin says that he thought it would just come to him/he would instinctively know, but he doesn’t.

This is, again, a very classic autism thing. We struggle with doing things that allistic people find instinctive, and don’t need to be actively taught - such as reading and projecting the correct body language.

Adolin, who takes very naturally to all this stuff, just assumes that Renarin’s Radianting would just come to him, and Renarin has to explain that actually no, it hasn’t. This literally cannot get any clearer in forging an obvious link between his autism and his Radiant abilities.

Renarin’s ‘Corrupted’ Bond:

“What’s wrong with me?” Renarin asked. “Why do I see these things? I thought I was doing something right, with Glys, but somehow it’s all wrong.…” (Oathbringer)

[...]

“Does it strike you as cruel of fate, Father? My blood sickness gets healed, so I can finally be a soldier like I always wanted. But that same healing has given me another kind of fit. More dangerous than the other by far.” (Rhythm of War)

[...]

Lopen called out, asking Renarin to “look into the future and find out if I beat Huio at cards tomorrow.” It seemed a little crass to Dalinar, bringing up his son’s strange disorder, but Renarin took it with a chuckle.

[...]

It would be so much easier if he were like other Radiants. (RoW)

[...]

“And a blackness interfering, marring the beauty of the window. Like a sickness infecting both of you, at the edges.”

“Curious,” Dalinar said, looking where Renarin had pointed, though he’d see only empty air. “I wonder if we’ll ever know what that represents.”

“Oh, that one’s easy, Father,” Renarin said. “That’s me.”

“Renarin, I don’t think you should see yourself as—”

“You needn’t try to protect my ego, Father. When Glys and I bonded, we became … something new. We see the future. At first I was confused at my place—but I’ve come to understand. What I see interferes with Odium’s ability. Because I can see possibilities of the future, my knowledge changes what I will do. Therefore, his ability to see my future is obscured. Anyone close to me is difficult for him to read.”

“I find that comforting,” Dalinar said, putting his arm around Renarin’s shoulders. “Whatever you are, son, it’s a blessing. You might be a different kind of Radiant, but you’re Radiant all the same. You shouldn’t feel you need to hide this or your spren.”

Renarin ducked his head, embarrassed. His father knew not to touch him too quickly, too unexpectedly, so it wasn’t the arm around his shoulders. It was just that … well, Dalinar was so accustomed to being able to do whatever he wanted. He had written a storming book.

Renarin held no illusions that he would be similarly accepted. He and his father might be of similar rank, from the same family, but Renarin had never been able to navigate society like Dalinar did. True, his father at times “navigated” society like a chull marching through a crowd, but people got out of the way all the same.

Not for Renarin. The people of both Alethkar and Azir had thousands of years training them to fear and condemn anyone who claimed to be able to see the future. They weren’t going to put that aside easily, and particularly not for Renarin. (RoW)

Sorry for the quote barrage, but there was really no other way to do this, and I think it makes a nice little arc in how Renarin sees himself and his bond to Glys and, by extension, his autism.

In the temple, with Jasnah, he considers it to be something wrong. He’d thought he was finally fitting in, being like everyone else, doing something “right” but it turns out his bond is of Odium, and while he thought he fit with the others, he doesn’t. Again.

The RoW segments are what’s most interesting to me, because what we see here, I think, is Dalinar experiencing Renarin’s ‘disorder’ as he calls it and processing it/coming to terms with it in a way a lot of parents approach their kids’ autism. But this is a bit more approachable/less painful to look at because he’s considering him being a weird glowing power ranger, and not an autistic kid. Easier to examine more honestly.

So first of all Renarin, again, calls a direct link between his bond and his autism. The ‘healing’ that came with his bond gave him another kind of otherness. Another way he can’t be a soldier - which, for Renarin, in Alethi society, means him being like everyone else. I was going to go into this more here but this thing is already long as fuck, but in a nutshell being a soldier is Renarin’s dream because that’s him being “normal” and being like everyone else, which fate always conspires to stop him from being.

In Alethi society the peak of masculinity and of fitting in to the social order, which revolves around war and glory and battle courage blah blah blah - is being a soldier and fighting. Which Renarin has never been able to do. Which his father has always wanted him to do - wihich Renarin knows.

A lot of allistic people, especially allistic parents, think their autistic kids won’t pick up on their blatant ‘oh my god I wish my kid was normal’ vibes. They do. BELIEVE ME they do. This is a good little nod to that. Dalinar has never outright looked at Renarin and said ‘I want you to be a soldier to be worthy of my love and respect’ but it’s what Renarin grew up knowing and seeing from him.

The evolution of that through exploring Dalinar’s attitude to Renarin being bonded with an Odium-aligned spren is...Utterly fascinating, to say the least.

Here, for example, Dalinar sees it as a “strange disorder”. When Renarin calls a spade a spade and just goes ‘yeah no that weird thing right there that makes you comfortable? That’s me, buddy, get used to it’. Which is just. Absolutely effervescent. There’s a big instinct allistic people have to dance around autistic people. So many innuendos. So many fluffy phrase that I hate. “On the spectrum.” “On the autism spectrum”. “Differently abled” “Sees the world differently.” Just call me autistic and let me move on with life I do not have time to deal with your internalised issues.

He kind of comes around on it and gives him the whole “you might be a different Radiant but you’re still a Radiant to me, son”. Replace the word Radiant here with person and you’ll have a conversation I’ve experienced so many times. “Just because you’re a weird person doesn’t mean you’re not still a person!” Why thank you for pointing that out. I hadn’t noticed....Thank you for validating my humanity to my face?? As though I needed you to do that?

Contrast this with Renarin’s cheerful acceptance (ABSOLUTELY STUNNING DEVELOPMENT, HELL YES) - ‘yeah no that weird thing right there is me’. I cheered, dear reader, I CHEERED. It’s a little thing but it’s also a very very big thing.

So is Lopen making light of things - in a way that laughs with Renarin and not at him - wanting him to predict the outcome of his card game. Renarin laughs at this, and is obviously comfortable with the jokes and the camaraderie. Dalinar winces at this and thinks that it shouldn’t be made fun of this way, that it’s crass or wrong, Renarin has a disorder, it makes him weird and delicate, people shouldn’t joke around him with that, it’s not right. But Renarin is comfortable with it, and the Bridgemen are comfortable with him, which Dalinar obviously isn’t - though I get that he’s trying to go there.

Then, again, we draw a very direct parallel between Renarin’s Radiant experience othering him socially and autism othering a person socially. Absolutely exquisitely done mister sando, very nice indeed.

Renarin notes that there are ways to go through society. It’s nice to be like Dalinar and have the clout to buck the expectations, and not do what you’re supposed to, and still get away with it. Isn’t that nice? Bitch wrote and published a book and he’s still seen as masculine and worthy of respect and being yielded too.

Remember that Renarin can read and write as well - he learned so he could interpret his visions. But he hasn’t shared that with people. Because he knows that it won’t be accepted the way Dalinar was.

Sanderson sets up this idea rather nicely in Oathbringer, actually, with the scribes meeting.

Renarin glanced at his father. Dalinar responded with a raised fist.

He came so Renarin wouldn’t feel awkward, Shallan realized. It can’t be improper or feminine for the prince to be here if the storming Blackthorn decides to attend.

This part has always made my heart happy. Because it’s not just about Dalinar validating Renarin’s societally ‘feminine’ tendencies - which he gets subtly bullied/mocked for during that meeting by one of the other women in attendance. It’s about all of his differences, it’s about Dalinar validating his autistic experience as well, and helping to fit him in to a society that continually rejects and ousts him.

This idea evolves through RoW, however, with Renarin understanding that Dalinar can do things that he won’t be allowed to get away with. Dalinar isn’t so much breaking down barriers with Oathbringer as he is stomping through them because he has enough social privilege to do so, for the most part, unscathed.

Renarin keeps his reading a secret because, even after what Dalinar has done, it’s not going to change things for most men, and certainly not him.

Renarin has learned, throughout his life, that him being different is not going to break down any barriers. People are not going to change their world, or their worldview, for him and his differences. He knows that he has to adapt, and he knows that he won’t be afforded the same luxuries as others.

He’s more comfortable with this now. He’s learning to be himself, and learning that the world won’t fit itself to him, he just has to do what he’s going to do anyway, and find the places where he fits, rather than trying to change the ones where he doesn’t. It’s actually a really beautiful little arc, and I’m strongly tempted to look at it in more depth at some point. Renarin and Dalinar’s dynamic is actually incredibly deep, layerd, and complex, and it’s something I’ve been meaning to look at for a while. HOWEVER. NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THAT.

TL;DR: Renarin’s Radiant experience is a direct allegory and parallel to his autistic experience. This is explored and made blatant by canon repeatedly, throughout the series, and Renarin’s experience as a Radiant is clearly a vessel by which Sanderson intends to explore his autism. Stop erasing and ignoring this when you talk about Renarin and analyse his arc. His autism is as intrinsic to this as it is to identity. It’s part of him. Stop erasing it.

I’m not saying you can’t find parallels or comfort in Renarin’s arc as a queer person. I’m just saying you cannot look at it in isolation. As though the text is ONLY making a parallel between his queer identity and his bond. Because it’s very fucking blatantly not. His autism is obviously and canonically tied to his Radiant bond and this is something that MUST be noted whenever you talk about this aspect of Renarin’s character.

Note: if anyone has any questions or comments on this, I am happy to engage and to clarify what I meant/add further detail and supporting evidence for various different aspects. There’s only so much I can cover in one post! For my sanity as well as yours...But there’s absolutely more, and I’m happy to look at that as well.

#renarin kholin #dalinar kholin #adolin kholin #brandon sanderson #rhythm of war #stormlight archive #stormlight meta #renarin meta #my meta #dalinar meta #lopen #bridge four #long post #text post tag #i WILL force y'all to acknowledge renarin's autistic experience if it kills me :)#honestly this shit is even more blatant than i thought it was #like i knew this was what brandon was doing?#i picked that up on a casual read #but actually digging into it and analysing it he genuinely couldn't make this more obvious if he tried #he may as well have giant neon signs taped to renarin following him around going #THIS MAN'S AUTISM IS PARALLELED BY HIS EXPERIENCE AS A NEW RADIANT #CONSIDER THIS AND CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE AND ASSUMPTIONS #BRANDO SANDO OUT #taryn talks #mine #anyway #pls read and reblog and be aware of what u write in future

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misschifuyu · 4 years ago

Text

To choose a lover

requested here

characters: ran haitani + rindou haitani

genre: fluff

warnings: none

Giggles and whispering comments were passed around, giddiness present in the voices that spoke out just a few metres away from you.

As much as you tried to focus on the tiresome work that was splayed out on the piece of paper before you, it was completely futile to drown the girls out.

It didn't take a genius to know what they were talking about. The school you were all under had the privilege - if one could even consider it as such - to hold two infamous students.

The Haitani brothers.

Whilst the eldest was in his final year, the younger still had another year under this roof until he followed in his brother's footsteps.

But there was really nothing to dislike about going to class when one had a literal fan group who's main topic was always them.

There were girls who preferred Ran, with his signature braids that they always wished they could undo for him; and others that would always fawn over Rindou's cocky ways and stubbornness, trying to catch his attention wherever he went.

The current conversation, however, wasn't just fixed on talking about their aspects.

Far from it. Sending each other questionable looks and making fun of those on the other side of the opinion, they were discussing who, out of the two brothers, was better.

Those on Ran's side had the advantage of saying that he was older, therefore more responsible and willing to take care of anyone.

Sure.

He would make the perfect husband, some were proclaiming. But...the youngest would always want to show that he is the strongest, the more dependable one, as a result of the inferiority that had always hung with him since they were young.

It wasn't that he was, he just hadn't pushed himself to be known as much as his brother had done all those years back.

Needless to say, it was an argument that would never see an end. At least not until the two left the school behind and continued up to wherever the future would take them.

It was amusing, from your point of view, to hear all of these discussions. For years now you had known the two, as close friends who had grown up on the same street, so you knew everything that there was to them, right down to what they actually did when they said they were studying.

Definitely something that the girls would be pushed back by if they ever found out.

But, if it really came down to it, you probably wouldn't be able to pick one out of the pack that they came in, either.

They both had their merits and faults, and, truth be told, neither of the two were that much of a pleasure to be around with, as much as their fans would beg to differ.

One thing was for sure, though. It had come into the light when the three of you had been hanging out one afternoon, without much else to do.

You had asked the youngest about what he thought about his notorious lower level when it came to comparing him with his brother.

It had simply been a spur of the moment, and you hadn't expected him to actually give a sorrowful response.

He was well aware that he was viewed as the weaker brother of the two, and as much as he'd try to prove otherwise, it had always been something that would eat away at him.

Naturally, both you and Ran had jumped to convince him that he was far from a weak person.

The fact that he was viewed as such meant nothing at all when it came down to the reality of what he was, and that there was no point in even listening to those ignorant - and frankly, irrelevant - opinions about himself.

At the end of the day, although you would never openly admit it near the oblivious fangirls, you held a considerable amount of affection towards the two of them.

Of course, they had their odd moments in which you only wished to hit them around the head with Ran's metal bar; but, all in all, they would always be your childhood friends.

So choosing between them was simply out of the question.

Both of them held an equal importance to you, so when a peculiar feeling started growing for one of them, you quickly averted it so it would be felt for the two, whatever it were to be.

They were two peas in a pod, and you weren't about to change this because of a measly crush.

However, the thought would only bug you more whenever you were all together. Such as the current situation, sat right between the two of them on the comfort of their couch.

Before even coming over, you had mentally ordered yourself to disregard the ridiculous thoughts that had flooded your mind.

The girls back at school hadn't help with the problem one bit, if anything they worsened the conflictive feelings; and now you were to spend the afternoon with the two.

One could only think that all odds were against them in such situations.

Head resting on Ran's shoulder, legs atop Rindou's, your eyes were fixed onto the screen before you. The reasoning behind spending the afternoon together was the airing of your favourite show.

However, you were now racking your brains over what you were supposed to do after the series ended. Watching a movie was the prime option, but you figured they would want to move from the couch and do something else.

And the two were very talkative, so you would have to, inevitably, push everything in your mind aside to prevent from even giving the smallest hint surrounding your thoughts.

Your stiffness didn't go unnoticed, and, soon enough, you felt a hand on your leg, startling you in an instant.

"What the hell is up with you today, Y/N?"

Rindou had lost all attention for what was playing on the screen, and it looked to be as though he had for a bit now. This meant he had felt your change of attitude well before he had actually asked about it.

"What? No, nothing...why?"

Knitting his eyebrows together, the blond looked over at you with a disbelieving stare. By now, you were sure Ran had shifted his interest towards the two of you.

"You've been all skittish since you got here. You got something important on your mind or what?"

Geez.

"No...I've just been thinking about something stupid, that's all. Don't worry about it, now let me watch th-"

"That being?"

Now you were cornered. From behind you, having turned to look at Rindou, a voice spoke out the question. In slight panic, you managed to come up with another way around it.

"Well...that, let's say, if I had to choose one out of the two of you, I wouldn't know who I'd pick. It's a silly question one of my friends asked today, that's all"

God bless the fan girls. You were sure to never judge them internally again, because they might have just saved your skin in the nick of time.

Your nerves calmed down as you heard Rindou chuckle at the concern, and you figured he'd just brush it off as another one of your peculiar inquiries.

However, as he fully turned towards you, it was clear that he wasn't about to let this go unfazed.

"Well, you can't just leave us like that without an answer. Go on then, if it was a life or death situation, who would it be?"

"Rindou...you know I'd get rid of both of you if I could"

You all laughed at your words, stirring the conversation into an area that you were certain you could get a hold of.

Each one of you was just as ridiculous as the next one, so it wasn't hard to divert difficult topics.

If only the youngest wasn't so damn pushy.

"On a real note, there's gotta be one of us that you like just a little more, Y/N"

Upon knowing that perhaps you had driven yourself into a dead end, you started to fumble with your fingers.

What the hell were you supposed to say? If you picked one, the other was surely to get the wrong idea.

"Um..."

A slight shift behind you made you turn your head, catching Ran just a little too close for comfort to your face. Great, just what you needed.

After a few, nerve racking, seconds in silence, it was the eldest of the two that decided to break the ice. You were all just wasting time there, after all.

"Listen...since my brother seems incapable of forming a decent sentence, what we've been trying to get at is which one you'd choose, because we've both liked you for some time now and we kinda need to know who you'd go out with"

Well.

Certainly an unexpected turn to your seemingly uneventful afternoon. It appeared that you weren't the only one struggling with the damned feeling that was a crush, but you hadn't gambled that it would be both of them...and for the same person.

You couldn't choose.

In the same way that you had to waver the feeling of more than just friendship between the two of them, there was no way you could pick one now.

It would be unfair for the other, especially since you would only be lying to yourself for saying that you felt nothing for the half that was left aside.

There was only one way out of this, unless you wanted to shatter the relationship you had built between them for the past years.

"I...both of you. I can't leave one of you out when I, well, like both of you"

A huge weight was lifted from your body the moment the brothers exchanged a look, followed by an agreeing nod. Far from the catastrophe you had gambled with, that much was sure.

As Ran leaned his head on your shoulder, Rindou gave you a bright smile, one that not everyone had the chance to say that they've seen.

"Wasn't so hard to say, now was it?"

No. What was going to be hard was having not one Haitani by your side, but two, as a partner. Sure enough, you were really going to know what their poor mother had to put up with now.

#tokyo revengers #tokyo manji revengers #tokyo revengers ran #ran haitani #tokyo revengers rindou #rindou haitani #tokyo revengers x reader #ran x reader #rindou x reader #fluff

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mallowwords · 4 years ago

Text

To become strong (Yandere Childe x reader)

Before you read Please know this has yandere themes and unhealthy relationships, do not interact if that makes you uncomfortable

Word Count: 1.4k

Authors note: My first work!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A sharp pain hit you. Then another one, and another. You try your best to defend yourself, but it’s been going on for 45 minutes. Everywhere hurts. All because Tartaglia decided this would be a good experience. A good opportunity for you to get stronger. He took advantage of his rank and made you spare with other members of the fatui. Over and over again with no breaks. He said that to get stronger you need to constantly improve yourself.

Only one more person remained other than you. It should be the last wave. An opening! You quickly take advantage of the weak spot to use your cyro vision, sending a blast of cyro in the discretion of your opponent. Just as you did you heard someone clapping slowly approaching you.

“Well, ‘First’, I never expected you to do this well. Truly this is great.” He smiled with excitement.

You stare silently at him. It’s getting hard to stand up. You’re not in the mood to deal with him. Your whole body is in pain. ‘I really need to get to a healer.’.

“Now now, I’m here to help patch up your wounds. You won’t be able to train very well with those will you now?”

“I don’t need your help,” You always hated how he put you in situations which causes you to get injured and then he always acts so, just so, annoying. You didn’t know how else to describe it. It’s like he is patronising you. You walk to the side-lines where a med kit was normally there, stumbling along the way. Each step is causing you more and more pain. You’ll ignore him and patch yourself up enough to go see a healer. You felt those ever-familiar arms wrap around you. Pulling you closer to him.

He bends down and whispers in your ear, “Didn’t I say I would patch you up. As your husband it’s the least I can do.”

“...”

He was met with silence.

His arms then squeezed around you making your body hurt all over. You tried a pathetic attempt at escape. You tried your best. But he was stronger. Always much stronger as he liked to remind you. You let out a wince. “It’s rude for a spouse to ignore a husband, especially when he’s going out of his way to help you. It’s important, you know. Because we have to make up for all that lost time we had before you were skilful enough to aid the Tsarista in her goal. Honestly, I made you who you are. Don’t you think you should just do as I say, as a thank you?” He squeezed even harder when you tried to struggle. You hate this. He even brought that up. How you regret placing your trust in him.

You knew he was different ever since he returned that day. Yet you still hoped he’d be the same caring Ajax from your childhood. Especially because of how you got your vision it made you sick. When he disappeared for three days. You ran away from home to search for him. Such a stupid child you were. You only survived because of the cyro vision and Ajax finding you. When you were the one who was meant to find him.

You eventually stop struggling. The pain is becoming too much.

“...Fine,” You admitted in defeat.

“That’s a good choice” He stopped his death grip and before you knew it he was carrying you bridal style. You could see his smile. Well, you couldn’t really call it one, not with the way his eyes looked. They were like a bottomless pit of nothingness. Like an abyss. Like there’s no escaping them.

“Didn’t know you found my face that pretty ‘First’. Since you’ve been staring at my face the whole time, I’ve been carrying you.”

“I do not!” You try to get out of his harms, which is quite a challenge. You groan in pain.

“I thought we stopped all this, honestly I’m just trying to be nice.”

He sat you down and got the first aid kit. He started with cleaning the wounds, making sure he’s pressing it extra hard. You make a squeal in response to the pain.

“If this is sore, I fear what would happen on the battlefield. I can’t have you dying on me before you’ve reached your full potential. Plus, you promised me we’d be together always.”

“When we were ten.”

“You haven't changed much at all from then.” He’s now wrapping the cuts with bandages. “Still weaker than me, but you have lots of potential, which is what makes this so fun,” He momentarily stops to ruffle your hair. “I used to do that all the time, you know. You used to love it as well, always wanting my attention. I guess the only thing that’s changed about you is that… enough about that.” He then pulled you into a hug. “Let’s go get you a healer now, shall we?”

He then picks you up again. Making sure his grip is firm.

“Do you have to do this?” You say avoiding eye contact.

“Why, don’t you enjoy this?” He asked as if he didn’t know the answer. How you hated this part of him. You decide not to push the matter any further. Instead, you just close your eyes and focus on the cold air.

“‘First’, we’re here, open your eyes.”

You quickly jump out of his arms as you open your eyes as soon as you notice his grip has loosened.

“No need to do it so quickly, I do have feelings.” He sighed. “Now onto other business” He turned to face the healer. “Will you go heal ‘First’ for me?”

“Yes sir!” The healer responded and made their way over to you. You slowly felt the pain lessen. Things were becoming more bearable. Deep breaths. Soon the pain was just a dull background pain.

“I’ve finished sir,” The healer declared.

“Good, we’ll be leaving now.”

Tartaglia offers his hand to you. Expecting you to take it. You get up on your own and as soon as you do you feel his hand around yours. With his famous strong grip as he often does to remind you of your power difference. You were no means weak, but compared to him, you were. Why did he take sudden interest in you again? He left to join the Fatui, came back as a harbinger, forced you apart from your lover and then forced you into this game of some twisted married life. Forcing you into this strict training regimen for the sake of unlocking your so-called potential. You honestly have no interest in fighting or getting stronger. Unlike him who lives for the battlefield. Yes, you could get anything that you wanted, and you were strong enough to defend yourself. But the thing you most wanted was freedom. And to do that you have to defeat him. But that’s impossible at your current level as he loves to remind you.

You felt him tugging at you, telling you to hurry. You often spaced out whenever you weren’t training. You tried to match his pace but mentally you were exhausted. Even though you were physically fine now. You just wanted to curl up under the sheets alone and read a book.

It appears you were home now.

“You worked really hard today, so I will let you take some time to rest. I’ll go cook dinner,”

You were grateful that at least he can do housework well from all the practice from taking care of his younger siblings. His family are very nice to be around. He’s much softer and less battle crazy. When you visit them, it’s the time you’re always happiest. Well as happy as you could be, at playing this game of married life. But you had to appreciate even the littlest bit of happiness. Since it was very rare these days. You go light the fireplace and grab a blanket and curl up near it. It was warm. You imagine your lover, your true one. The one that made you happy. You wonder what they were doing now. You hadn’t heard from them ever since Tartaglia forced them out of Snezhnaya. You hoped they were alive and happy. You slowly drift into a peaceful sleep thinking about them. Even if you’ll never see them again, they still managed to calm you.

#yandere genshin impact #yandere genshin x reader #yandere childe #yandere childe x reader #yandere tartaglia #yandere tartaglia x reader #yandere #yandere x reader #my work

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sersumdeorsum · 3 years ago

Text

STRANGER THINGS SEASON 4 V1 & V2 SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. PERSONALS / NON-RP ACCOUNTS DNI.

UPDATED 07/07/2022 WITH NEW HEADCANONS.

okay so i’ve taken a good 24hr since i watched vol 2 to just let it sit and wait for my mind to figure this shit out. under the cut is what i’m going to be doing with max, considering she’s my most used muse here. some of this will be canon divergent for reasons i’ll list under the cut. i’m also taking this opportunity to say here, like i’ve said over at @hcrgrove, the only max that is mikey and billy’s ( @hargrxve ) sister in their twin verse is my max unless you have plotted with both myself AND cat that this is different for your max. that’s not to say my max is exclusive to them because that’s not it at all, i have some awesome threads with other billy’s (looking @ u @turnedahero). it’s just becoming a lil problem on mikey so i figured i’d mention it.

firstly, because this (and all the billy slander in that ep) pissed me the fuck off: everything that max said about billy when luring vecna was just that, a lure. sure, she had fleeting moments in the beginning wishing that something would happen and he would disappear, but as she got to know him and what he’d been through - all of the abuse that went on through his childhood and in the home they shared together - max softened to him. she became a protector, of sorts. sure she was younger and didn’t have much of the ability to, but she stood up to neil where she could. and hey, she shared something in common with him, right ? shitty dads. he was her brother, whether they liked it or not, and especially after neil was gone, they grew closer. once she understood, she never ever thought him weak. she loves him.

everything else STILL happened. at the end of s4 vol2 max was in a coma, lost. she died in the upside down, still in vecna’s grasp. when el went into her mind, she found nothing because max wasn’t there. she’s not in there, in her own body; her spirit, soul and memories are all trapped in the upside down. vecna needs to either die, or she needs to be brought through from the upside down back into real hawkins for her to wake up. she will NOT wake up until this happens.

POST-VOL2: her friends figure it out, with the help of her brothers and eddie, and she ends up waking up. it takes a long time though, perhaps too long. when she wakes, billy, mikey and eddie are there quickly, as soon as the hospital calls them. they break the news robbie died that day, and she was in the coma for so long that the funeral has long since been and gone. (reaction drabble to come soon). her memories still fuzzy. reading the letters that she handed out whilst at risk of vecna helped to put things into place a little bit but everything is still a little bit fuzzy.

EDIT 07/07/2022: when she wakes up, there’s a lot of work before max can be released. whilst all her injuries are healed by the time she wakes up, because of the time spent in the coma she is very weak. she lost muscle mass and her bones became weaker, more brittle. until she put on some weight they kept her in a wheelchair and started with small exercises to strengthen the muscles, joints and bones. then it moved to walking aids which she used for a while, even when she first got out of the hospital. she can walk without them now, but sometimes max still struggles. she gets frustrated with it, especially considering it’s clear their fight isn’t over yet but it’s just how things are. at least she’s alive.

#st spoilers #st s4 spoilers #stranger things spoilers #stranger things s4 spoilers #verses. max mayfield

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kyberphilosopher · 4 years ago

Text

Oʀᴏᴛᴜɴᴅ

Requested?: Yes. Contains allusions to sex and illness, non graphic.

Word Count: 3301

Eren has disappeared beyond the walls, finding refuge with a sick ex-soldier.

Orotund: (adj.*) speaking or singing with fullness, clarity, or strength of song or voice.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

The sickness had spread slowly, but surely.

You couldn’t tell where you had gotten it from. At first, you had assumed it was simply an intensified version of the flu. However, the longer you took care of yourself, the more you realized that this was far worse.

Dividing the time into five stages, you began keeping note of what was happening to you during Stage Two. During Stage One, you began to experience relatively short periods of a fever. They’d usually last for days at a time, with you lying in bed draping a wet rag on your forehead. So intense, you could not even get up to urinate or eat, it was difficult not to feel pathetic.

Stage Two had made the fever die down. You were more than thankful for this, of course, but it had come with it’s own crashing, crushing waves. Stage Two had begun to make you lose weight at a rapid and inexplicable pace. You often frowned at yourself in the mirror, observing how your torso was slimming and shaping around the form of your ribs. It came before the loss of appetite, which only made matters that much worse.

Stage Three, during which you had met him, was strange. It didn’t directly cause any physical changes to you, but it did indirectly. You grew restless in the night, and exhausted during the day. Riddled with fatigue, the daily chores you relied on for life became troublesome. Drawing water from the well strained your back, and because of what Stage Two had done to your stomach, you lacked the energy needed to keep yourself upright.

One day, in whatever season it had been, you returned to your cabin to find a stranger inside. Instantly on sight, your pail of drinking water fell from your fingers and splashed against the wooden floors. Your boots and socks were soaked. The knocking of wood against wood made your ears ring as if a bomb had gone off.

The boy was still, but his eyes were somewhat wide as if he was also surprised. He must not have considered someone was already living in the cabin. Yet, he was sitting at your dining table, watching you with open eyes and open ears.

Before you could scold, yelp, or simply say hello, you collapse over. The fatigue overpowers you and you crash against your counter in a heap.

The boy leapt forward on instinct. His right arm wrapped around your back to steady you somewhat, his left hand gripping onto your other shoulder. It didn’t help you too much, as your ankle was already rolling out from under you, but it did keep you from hitting the floor completely. Thus, the boy had at least saved you a head injury.

“My room,” you croaked with hazy eyes. The hand attached to the arm over his back weakly pointed in the direction of your bedroom. It wasn’t too far away. You were lucky that he craned his head to see where you were gesturing to, and understood. “I have to get to... my room...”

“Right,” the boy replied.

He hoisted you up, the both of you grunt quietly in unison. And then he practically dragged you across the floorplan of your home, stumbling and groaning all the way. The boy let you drop into your bed on your own, partially kicking him in the process.

You hum out a sigh of relief. Your head is immediately alleviating itself, and the room is ceasing to spin so quickly. The boy is confused as to the lack of yelling or anger. Instead, he is enthralled with the calm, tired, demeanor of your form. He’d broken into your cabin, eaten your food, and you hadn’t even looked mad. In fact, you looked almost sickly.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

Stage Four brought depression. Yes, you already had that. But now your sickness was piling onto the chemical imbalances, adding to the lack of calories, nutrients, and sleep. Whatever strength you had before was dwindling away faster than before, although this time, things were different.

The strangers name was Eren. Eren Jaeger. He had large, piercing teal eyes, bold eyebrows, and dark hair. At the time of your meeting, it was the length of his shoulders. His palms were wrapped in gauze at the time, but it wasn’t permanent. He’d since removed them, and helped you work.

Eren was strong. He could repair things that were broken around the cabin and help you with the well upkeep. Sometimes he would go hunting and bring home venison or herbs for you, which was kind. He didn’t ask for much in return, other than you not tell anyone of his presence. Not like you had anyone to tell anyways.

Eren gave you a ride on his Titan once or twice too. That was something you loved. You were scared at first, but Eren didn’t let anything happen to you. He would lift you up in the palm of his hand so you could reach the fruits at the top of the tallest of trees. Then you’d go home and slice the fruit up for him in a small bowl.

He slept on the bench in the living room. You’d felt particularly guilty about that part, but your weak body needed all the relaxation it could get. Eren knew that, and he never forced you to share or give more than was even remotely necessary. Really, Eren was quiet most days. He seemed to do a great bit of brooding, but you’d grown accustomed to the presence of another human being, and thus, warmth. And Eren liked you. You weren’t obsessive, didn’t yell for the way he cleaned, didn’t rip up his clothes, or remind him of a fading dream.

Time blurs together when you’re living on your own in the middle of nowhere, but the boy was with you for more than two months, at least. He figured out that you were sick in that span of time, including that you didn’t deserve to be. There wasn’t much around your cabin to suggest much of past life. Eren didn’t blame you. That’s why he stayed in the cabin as well- hoping to leave the past for a blank space.

You took care of each other. Your favorite example was on a morning in Spring.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

Eren wore a simple brown cloak. No shirt underneath, giving you a much appreciated view of the boys abdominal muscles. Though, you’d probably never get the opportunity to admit you found the boy physically appealing, you took it in. His hair was back in a bun today. The sun broke over the horizon, illuminating his eyes.

Jaeger held your horse by the reigns. His right bare foot was rubbing against his left shin, tired as the horse began to excrete last nights meal. Eren must’ve gotten up earlier than usual this morning for chores, because the circles under his eyes seemed more prominent. Not that it specifically mattered. He looked handsome all the same. You appreciated the view for a few minutes before starting towards the well.

First, you set the bucket on the earth where the water is sure to fall. Then, you place both hands on the pump, digging your feet into the ground for leverage. Stage Four has made you weaker than most people. This will take a lot out of you.

Pushing down, it takes all of your strength to get a single pump of water into the pail. It’s not enough, and sweat is already beading at your forehead. It’s not even hot yet, and something mediocre is nearing you close to death. Your heart strains against your chest, but you ignore it. You have to get the water.

You push down a second time. Now, the container is half full of the clear stuff. It ripples in the light of the sun like a rainbow. Your head feels like it’s on fire. A slow, dull fire. You have to push a third...

With a final great heave, your blistered hands scrape against the contraption. The water gushes out like a miracle, filling the bucket again. So crisp it makes your mouth water, you kneel to the ground to catch your breath.

Stop, your heart begs. Stop. Rest. But the responsibility is staring you dead in the eyes, and you can’t ignore it. And you can’t ask Eren to go a day without water. He deserves it. For Eren’s sake, you must do this.

Although your world is dizzy, you push yourself to your feet. Your blistered fingers wrap around the handle, ready to pick it off the ground without issue. However, water buckets are heavy. There is nothing you can do but struggle to raise it off the ground, tears and sweat pricking at the corners of your eyes and goosebumps appearing at your arms. It’s not even really that chilly.

Eren was like a God sent. You didn’t fully hear what he said to you, but you felt his arms slide around you to lift you up. “Y/N, do you hear me? You have to stand, alright?” You hadn’t replied.

Jaeger connected the dots. With one half of his body, he leveraged you up and to your feet. With the other, he grabbed the pail of water and began moving forward.

It was slow with you practically slumped against him, but he was a soldier. Eren wasn’t about to just let you drop in the middle of nowhere. He wouldn’t let you succumb to your illness that easily, if he let you succumb to anything at all.

Eren set you on your bed. You had a fever, so he laid a wet cloth across your forehead. He stripped you down to your undergarments as respectfully as one could, laying two more rags on your forearms for extra help. Then he drew you a bath, knowing the water would be cold for your lingering fever. He never asked for anything in return.

But, he had set a hand against your shoulder. His thumb ran in soft circles against your hot skin, a comforting, loving gesture. You could feel his long hair brush against your chest as he leaned down to make sure your heart was still beating. Aside from a slight palpitation, it seemed in working order.

His brushing thumb lingered a moment longer before he let you rest. Even in sleep, you missed it. You wouldn’t forget this.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

This leads us into the final Stage. Stage 5. The one where you die at the end.

“Eren,” you call out softly, watching the curtain windows sheer in the sunlight.

In response, the boy bows his head to look down at you. His eyes are calm, but bright as always. His hair is half up, half down. Laying between his thighs comfortably, your stomach rumbles from hunger. Despite this, things are quiet.

“Yes?” he replies.

You swallow dryly. Then you reveal your desire. “Do you sing?”

His right hand comes to rest on your forehead. Yes, you have the fever again. But Eren knows you are in the right mind. His thumb strokes your temple, catching a few wisps of your hair as he does so.

“Not well,” he answers with the ghost of a smile. “You want me to sing to you?”

You shift, and one of your hand grazes by his knee. “Maybe,” you tease back. Then you frown. “You seem tired today.”

Eren exhales. His right hand lays against your forehead, a mix of concern and something like affection.

“Is it the Attack Titan?” you continue, gazing up at him through soft lashes.

It was. Eren’s history- the worlds history- was churning around his mind until it seemed like a bunch of mush. You were the only thing that was clear to him at this point. But you were silent. Calm, compared to everything else in the universe.

“No,” Eren decides to assure light heartedly. His thumb begins to circle around your sticky skin in the little way that it does. “It’s nothing.”

Silence again.

The warm breeze brushes against the window outside, but it’s not loud. It’s warm from the light of the sun, and the hills of emerald grass span for miles ahead. The sky is as blue as the birds that soar across it. Serene. That was how you would describe the life you currently lead. And blessed be you for leading it as peacefully and quietly as the loud and complicated world would allow.

“I think I’m going to die soon.”

The quiet was broken with another fracture of quiet. Eren’s heart gave a great, vibrating beat, and then paused. In contrast, you couldn’t recall the last time you’d heard your heart beat.

All the violent death he’d seen, just for you to die of an unknown illness?

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

You knew you were going to die at the end. You knew it for a fact. You’d just gotten lucky.

Lucky, you think as you look up at the man above you. Yeah, I’m lucky.

His pacing is held back for fear of hurting you. His long, dark hair sways back and forth in time with his thrusts. His face is contorted, mixed with an overwhelming feeling of pleasure and determination. There’s a little clear, slick spot on the corner of his lips. It slips from between, drips down his chin, and onto your abdomen. Eren wants to apologize, but his teeth are gritted together and he doesn’t want to embarrass either of you with shaky words.

You don’t mind. There’s no need for Eren to apologize. Eren is and always has been a sight for sore eyes, especially for you. And, blessings onto your own soul, you’re getting more butterflies from knowing he’s one of the last things you’ll see and feel than what he’s doing with you.

Your eyes are glued to his. What color are they? Emerald, like the grass? Blue, like the sky? Could they be teal? Yes, that must be it. Though, sometimes you swear they’re gold instead.

Lucky.

You both end up finishing. He keeps himself from collapsing on top of you before asking if you’ll be alright if he bathes. You assure him it’s more than okay as he rubs his thumb over your temple. Some people might be upset at their partner for leaving after what you’ve done, but you understood. Physical contact is hard for soldiers. You know. But Eren promises he’ll be back silently, because he feels guilty about it.

If you had a bit longer, maybe this wouldn’t be the only time you and the boy could do this. Actually, what had even led to it? What had taken it this long? You’d had dinner. The light from the candles came on, and you’d met his gaze. The rest was all steam and blurs.

When your living mate returns, your back is facing from him. You’re watching the fresh drops of rain crash against the window, falling from under a dark grey cast. There will be a thunderstorm tonight. You wonder if Eren will want to stay in your bed tonight, or if he’ll insist on taking the bench.

You feel his hands, previously burning hot, touch your shoulder, now ice cold. The mattress dips under his weight behind you, and then you feel his toned torso flush against you.

His face brushes against your ear so you can hear him speak softly. “I’m sorry if I took too long,” Eren mutters. A few wisps of hair brush against your jaw, but he’s tied it back now.

In one fluid motion, a hand of your own comes to stroke at his cheek. “You didn’t.”

His eyes narrow as he looks down at you, before he pulls away to put his face in the back of your neck. His hand remains around you tight, so you know he wants you right where you are.

You didn’t tell Eren that your time was practically numbered. Maybe it would be weeks, days, or hours. You should’ve told him before you let him inside you, but you’d been a bit distracted. Anxious, too. The moment was worth ruining with something so silly and small. But now it’s done. The only sounds echoing around the cabin is the pitter pattering of the rain, and the oncoming onslaught of booming thunder.

You have to tell him, you say to yourself as his grip on you tightens. Before he tugs your body closer like a lover again.

Before you can speak, Eren mumbles something against the skin of your neck. “Follow my lead.”

What?

He hums for a few seconds. At first, you think it’s just the hum of insanity, random and undefined. The you realize the changes in pitch are too thought out to be random. It’s a song.

“...always picking a fight with me...”

It feels hazy, far away. Sort of heavenly. Even with his low, muffled voice, it’s easy to hear the musical tones oozing from the whole thing.

“...you know I’m bad, but you’re still spending the night with me.”

That line feels more like he’s speaking it into you. It’s personal.

“...what do you want from my world?”

If you had it your way, or his way, there wouldn’t be anybody else but the two of you and your cabin. Still, this also feels like a genuine question. Maybe it is.

There’s a dry kiss placed against your shoulder blade before Eren continues the tune. Humming. And then, “...every night I’m out... killin’, send everyone runnin'...”

Eren pulls you closer against him and inhales somewhat sharply. You crane your neck deeper into the pillow, silently wishing that you could feel his swollen lips against it.

“I know you’re mad at me,” he sings, a bit clearer now. “I have demon eyes.”

Eren’s hand creeps up from your shoulder to your throat, able to choke you if he so wanted. His thumb strokes over your Adam’s apple instead. Eren grants your wish, raising his face so his lips brush over the skin by your jaw instead of the back of your head. A soft kiss is pressed to the area, almost as if he was nervous.

“...they’re looking right through your anatomy...”, he seems to nuzzle against you lightly, though that feels somewhat out of character. “...your deepest fears, I’m not from here...”

Like before, he pushes his head back into your hair. He groans like he’s stretching before going on.

“...to me, you’re clear... transparent. You have a thing for me... it’s apparent...”

The rain is falling harder now.

“...you’re not so bad...”

Eren isn’t bad at all. He sighs against you, his fingers stroking your skin gently.

“...it’s not something I have to try... oh, for the table, as long as I am able... I’m not trying to be bad.”

I’m going to die soon, Eren.

“No... different.”

He doesn’t continue. Only his thumb continues on, circling round and round in an unknowing attempt to express comfort.

“I thought you said you didn’t sing well,” you whisper into the darkness.

“I don’t,” he speaks against you.

What a liar. And you, the lucky one for knowing the truth.

Eren doesn’t move positions until you’ve fallen asleep, at which point he eventually turns his back to you in his own slumber. And Eren knew that you were sick, but he also knew that you were capable.

You weren’t breathing when he woke up.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

I guess that’s that. I think I like it but I’m not sure about the ending. Mine aren’t usually so simple. Maybe I should’ve made it less depressing. Eh.

599 notes · View notes

unwrittenlibrary · 4 years ago

Text

Sole Survivor -> II

summary // days eight through eighteen; blindsides, chocolate rewards, immunity idols and cutthroat words.

words // 11.5k (wowza)

warnings // reality tv, typical survivor mentions (idols, tribal, council), cursing, introducing a nickname (sweets) & some allusion to horniness but no sexual scenes

notes // this chapter & the next will probably be the longest ones because they have the most days but!! so much more development and drama here i’m actually super happy with how this came out! i hope you enjoy it :) i did some editing but there still may be some minor spelling or grammar mistakes, i will go through again this weekend!

series masterlist here. [eighteen plus blog and this fic holding eventual eighteen plus scenes mean minors should not interact with this story]

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

PREVIOUS • Chapter II • OUTPLAY • NEXT

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

Day Eight

Bucky’s shocked with how well the villains have been playing throughout the first week. While there may be tensions running high at camp, whispers and secret alliances, they pull it together on challenge days.

Except - well - Bucky’s cringing as he watches this challenge because the villains are just sucking. Apparently wrestling in the mud with padded duffle bags is their achilles heel, who would have fucking thought?

The heroes had gotten rid of Sharon at the last tribal council which made the most sense to Bucky. She had been good in her season, but challenges just weren’t her thing, social skills were and right now the heroes need challenge wins.

And it’s worked.

One by one the villains have been knocked off the platform, the heros have five points and first to six wins, Bucky doesn’t even want to go up.

“You got this Bucky!” You cheer from your spot on the mat. You’re covered in mud from the last round. Bucky kind of wants to forfeit to avoid embarrassing himself in front of you. It’s raining now, the platform is slick with rain and mud so Bucky’s slipping before they even begin trying to knock each other off.

“Villains need this point to stay in the game.” Jeff calls out - yeah thanks - “Ready? Go!” Bucky stumbles around as Steve, of all people, circles him.

They’re the same height, but Steve is definitely a little broader. “Come on, Buck! Knock him down!” You scream.

“God, she’s annoying.” Steve murmurs in response and Bucky furrows his brows a little angrily. “Come on man, leave her alone.” He mumbles, trying to keep the words off camera. He doesn’t need the world to know he’s grown a little protective of you.

Steve raises his brows. “She’s annoying.” He repeats and Bucky sighs. He didn’t want to make the first move, content to circle Steve until Jeff forced them to make contact, but for some reason he just can’t let that slide.

So, he steps forward and goes low, pushing his huge red duffel into Steve’s stomach. It makes him stumble, but not a lot, and Steve is quick to push back.

Bucky stumbles more, his feet sliding around the mud until he tumbles to the ground and tries feebly to block Steve’s pushes towards the edge. How were the heroes so good at not slipping? Did they have glue on their feet?

There’s almost a sigh of relief when Bucky’s body hits the mud, like thank God this is over. He crawls out sadly and feels embarrassed as everyone pats his back reassuringly.

“Heroes, for the first time in eight days, you’ve won immunity.” Jeff hands over the small statue. “Grab your stuff head out.” The heroes cheer as they happily march away.

Jeff turns to the villains solemnly. “Villains, I got nothing but your first date at tribal council with me tonight. You have the afternoon to discuss. Grab your stuff, head out.”

Steve Rogers - Hero Tribe

“We needed this win. And to be able to absolutely demolish the villains while getting it? It’s a boost to us and humbling to them. We could win this.”

Loki Odinson - Villain Tribe

“We were just pathetic today. Absolutely awful. Not one point? You can’t even blame that on a weak player because we all sucked!”

You’re in the water with Bucky and Natasha trying to wash all the mud off your body. “Who should we get rid of tonight?” You whisper as you dip your head back to try and get it out of your hair.

Tony and Stephen were further down in the water. Loki was laying in the shelter with Clint. You knew Darcy was sitting by the fire.

Natasha purses her lips. “I was thinking Strange.” She says with a quick glance over her shoulder. “I know they’re going to be saying your name, Y/N, so we need to get Darcy and Loki before they do.”

Your mouth falls open in shock. “My name? Why?”

“It’s too soon to get rid of physical competitors.” Bucky comments. He rests a reassuring hand on your back and you fight the urge to move closer to him. You weren’t sure what it was about Bucky, but he was so comforting, you always wanted to be around him. “Loki and Darcy know that.”

“I’ll talk to Darcy, you two talk to Loki.” Natasha orders before swimming away. You and Bucky look at each other with a laugh.

“She’s intimidating.” You admit. Neither of you move to go and talk to Loki, both content to relax in the water for a few more minutes.

“Not as intimidating as you.” Bucky splashes some water at you making you splutter.

You splash him back with a laugh. ��How so? I think I’m nicer.”

Bucky shakes his head. He moves a little closer to you in the water and you smile when his leg brushes against yours. “You just have this stare.” Bucky smiles. “Makes everyone around you want to drop everything and do what you say.”

“Does it make you feel like that?” You stare at him with a smirk. Bucky presses his tongue against his cheek and looks away for a moment.

“Sometimes.” He admits as he stands in the water. Your eyes trail up from the waistband of his shorts to his collar. He’s already got a tan from the island sun and his body looks incredible dripping water off of it. You bite your lip when your eyes meet his and Bucky smiles before moving to make his way to shore.

Your hand darts out and wraps around his wrist. “I know we haven’t talked about it a lot.” You say quietly. “But you and me, Bucky Barnes. Final two. These other alliances are just a means to an end.”

Bucky nods stiffly, but there’s a hint of a smile on his face. “I’ll talk to Loki.” He gently pulls his wrist away from your hand. You watch as he makes his way to shore and begins searching subtly for Loki.

Clint Barton - Villain Tribe

“I trust Nat. Nat and I are friends outside of this. She’s a part of my life, she knows my kids, my wife. I just hope she’s made a good choice in working with Bucky and Y/N because from what I’ve seen they’ll pick each other over any of us.”

You - Villain Tribe

“I don’t…” You laugh. “Bucky is handsome. That’s all I have to say.”

“Can I talk to you, Loki?” Bucky asks politely. Loki stares at him for a moment before raising his eyebrows. “Come for a walk?”

Loki heaves out a sigh before standing up to follow after Bucky. “I’m assuming you and the siren need a vote.”

Bucky snorts. “She’ll love that. Black Widow. Villainess and now siren.” He sighs. “Where are you leaning on the vote?” Loki looks at Bucky from beside him. Social game wasn’t Bucky’s best aspect, he always struggled with the ability of persuasion, but he was better at this game now. Six years off of it, twelve seasons, he’s had time to study up.

“Not sure. Today was a wake up call. Maybe we’re not as strong as we thought.” Loki admits. “Who are you leaning towards?”

“Strange.” Bucky answers quietly. “We’re all pretty strong, you know? But he and Stark are just stuck in the past and Survivor is a new game now.”

“So why not get rid of Stark?” Loki just watches as Bucky picks up logs. Bucky supposes he can’t be too upset because Loki had agreed to talk and not gather. “Stark won. Strange didn’t.”

Bucky can admit he has a point and Strange was far more tolerable to Bucky than Tony was. Strange was good at laying under the radar though, and while he was incredibly talented at puzzles, physical challenges seemed to be a weakness.

“You won.” Bucky purses his lips as Lokie shrugs. “Like you said, we need a strong team. We just came to the decision that Strange is weaker than Tony.”

“What can you offer me?” Bucky is reminded of how Loki won. He was always so good at giving less than what he got in return.

“I can promise you safety tonight.” Bucky narrows his eyes. “Then we’ll talk. You have to know your reputation, Loki.”

“I do.” He smiles at Bucky. “But we all have one, don’t we? Who’s to say your girl won’t turn on you?”

Bucky rolls his eyes, deciding to ignore the jab. “Can I count on you Loki?”

“I’ll let you know.” Loki shrugs apathetically before walking away. Bucky scoffs.

Was trusting you risky? Of course it was. If he fell out with you he was sure it would be his ticket home, but he had seen your loyalty in full play too. When the alliance had turned on Shuri your season, you had refused to write her name down and gave up your idol for her.

He was playing smart, whether or not anybody else thought so. He could work with you, save you, get saved and then when it became necessary he could turn his back on you.

This was a villain's game after all.

Tony Stark - Villain Tribe

“Something is brewing. I can feel it. We got too comfortable with winning. We never put a plan in place for if we lost and now I’m afraid I’ll be the target.”

When you get the hour warning, you can tell something is wrong with Bucky. He’s shaking his leg and his eyes are shooting around the shelter like he’s an on duty security guard.

“Bucky.” You nudge his shoulder with yours as you sit next to him. “What’s up?”

He looks around skeptically before leaning in towards you. His metal arm brushes your’s and makes you shiver, it’s coolness offers a much needed relief from the sun beating down on you everyday. “We should get rid of Loki.”

Your eyes widen and you look up at him shocked. “Wh...What? Why?” You whisper.

“He wants too much from us. He wants to play that swing vote angle again. He’s dangerous, he’s won before.” He explains hastily. Tony and Stephen were whispering by the fire with Darcy.

“I’ve won before.” You point out. Bucky shakes his head quickly, his hand lands on your kneecap reassuringly.

“He’s not gonna help us, I’m telling you.” There’s a warning in his tone that makes your back straighten. “We should talk to them, he hasn’t made any friendships yet.”

You nod slowly. “Okay… Okay.” You place your hand over Bucky’s. “I trust you.” He lets out a sigh of relief and you stand, holding a hand out to help him up.

The three look up at you cautiously as you and Bucky take seats across from them. “Who are you guys thinking?” You ask gently.

“You come to us less than an hour before we have to leave? Your plan not work out?” Tony scoffs with a defiant cross of his arms.

You roll your eyes at his pride. It would be his downfall. “Our plan is Loki and we were hoping you could help.” You put on your sweetest smile and softest tone of voice.

Tony looks you up and down with a tense jaw. “How do I know you’re not trying to trick me?”

“I wouldn’t have even come up to you if I wanted you gone, Tony.” You say with a smirk. “I would have just picked you off.” You stand quickly, over the conversation. You had given him your demand, there was no need to waste your last half hour before council. “I’m gonna rinse off. I’ll see you later.”

Bucky watches you go. It’s hard not to. He doesn’t even care that the cameraman not even ten feet away captures his eyes moving over your body or how he adjusts his seat when he turns to face the two older men again.

“We’ll vote with you tonight.” Tony says with a knowing look. “But, I’ve gotta warn you. I’ve watched her season. I’ve seen her. You, my friend, are falling right into the trap.”

Bucky shrugs. “What if she’s falling into mine?”

Natasha - Villain Tribe

“We’re going to tribal tonight, which I’m sure will be a disaster. I know Jeff is gonna tear our performance to pieces and he’ll ask intrusive questions. All I can hope is that the plan works and Strange goes home.”

You - Villain Tribe

“Bucky and I came up with Loki so last minute I didn’t have a chance to tell Nat or Clint. What’s the saying? I’d rather beg for forgiveness than ask for permission. I can only hope this doesn’t make an enemy out of her.”

“Villains come on in. Grab a torch and light it up.” Jeff calls out as the eight of you walk in in single file. “Fire is your life in this game. When it’s extinguished, your time here is up.” Everybody takes a seat. You place yourself in front of Bucky and in between Loki and Darcy.

“Wow. Villains. Not going to tribal for eight days is an impressive feat.” Jeff starts off his hands pressed against his legs as he looks over your group. “Do you think tonight will make you stronger? Or expose rifts? Natasha?”

You force yourself not to flinch as she begins speaking. Have to keep the guilt off your face as you think of how upset she’ll probably be when all is said and done. “Well, I think tonight will really strengthen us as a group. Sealing up any cracks.”

You swallow and turn your head to look at her like you agree. You see Bucky out of the corner of your eye and really, really want to look at him for some comfort, but you knew Jeff would catch on.

“Loki? You agree?” Jeff moves his eyes over you and onto the laid back man. Loki nods with a cocky smirk. “I do, Jeff. Tonight will be a clean slate.”

You rub a finger under your noise nervously. You and Loli weren’t friends, but you did feel a little bad at the idea of this blindside. “Bucky, I mean, it seems like you guys have it all figured out? Is this a front or are you guys really at one?”

Bucky’s knee grazes your lower back. “I mean… I feel like we’re working together well, but you never know. I mean, I could go home tonight. You really never know.”

Jeff nods, looking a little put off by how little you’re all giving away. “Okay, well then, let’s get to the vote. Loki, you’re up first.”

As Loki walks away you finally look back at Bucky. He nods as subtly as he can and while you’re sure it will be zoomed in on in the edit of the show, nobody sitting around you seems to notice and that’s what matters right now.

One by one the eight of you make your way to the voting area. You write Loki’s name with a sad face in the O and fold it up.

This was the best move for your game, you knew it was. Loki was too good and too smart to be kept for a possible vote. You knew if he made it to the merge he could make it all the way to the end again.

And you just couldn’t let that happen.

Bucky’s Vote - Loki

“Sorry, man.” Bucky shrugs holding the slip of paper up. “You came too hard. I need to protect myself in this game.”

Tony’s Vote - Loki

“If it’s not you, it’s me.” He shrugs. “Sorry, I really like me.”

Natasha’s Vote - Strange

“Some OGs just don’t know how to adapt. I’m learning the new game while you’re stuck in the past.”

Once you’re seated again, Jeff moves to grab the votes. “Person with the most votes will be the third person voted off the island and the first voted off the villain's tribe. I’ll read the votes.”

He pulls a slip out. “Strange.” He marks. You hear Stephen’s sharp inhale. “Strange.” Jeff reads again. “That’s two for strange.” He pulls out another slip. “Strange. That’s three for strange. Five votes left.”

You suck in a breath. This was the moment, either you and Bucky would be victorious or this would be an incredibly fast fall from grace.

“Loki.” His head whips around to look at Bucky, who you know is staring straight af Jeff like you are. “Loki. That’s two votes Loki. Three votes Strange. Three votes left.” You tap your foot against the makeshift wood floor. “Loki.” Jeff reads. Natasha’s head turns to look at you with fierce eyes, but you don’t acknowledge her gaze.

“Loki. That’s four for Loki. Three for Strange. One vote left.” Jeff pulls the last slip out. “Third person voted-“

“Fuck.” Loki hisses next to you as he stands. He doesn’t acknowledge any of you as he brings his torch to Jeff, only deigns to say something when it’s put out.

“I think you all know who’s running the show now and if you let her, she’ll go all the way again.” He warns before descending the steps.

You roll your eyes before you turn to look at Bucky with a small smile. “Well, playing the game with vets obviously means playing the game. Villains starting off with a blindside, the only question is will it make you stronger? Grab your stuff, head out. See you at the next reward challenge.”

Loki Odinson - Exit Interview

“I was just too big of a threat to them. They new I would win it all again if I stayed, I can only hope they figure that out about that girl. She’ll go all the way again, she’d win.”

Natasha - Villain Tribe

“I got played. That’s what happened. She took my trust and used it to her advantage and she played me. She’s going home next. Then her little boy toy.”

Bucky trails behind you as Natasha stomps back into camp. “I just can’t believe this.” She hisses to the two of you as move to place your stuff back in the shelter.

“It was last minute, Nat.” Bucky sits down next to you in the shelter. “We didn’t have time to talk to you before tribal.”

She scoffs. “Yeah. Yeah. Now I just look like the idiot who trusted you and who brought Clint down with her!” She waves her arm in Clint’s general direction and he looks away like he doesn’t really want to be a part of the conversation.

Bucky gives her a dramatic eye roll. “You don’t look dumb. It was last minute. Loki was too dangerous to keep in the game. He was going to play us all to make it to the merge.”

“The merge? Bucky! It’s not even day ten yet. We need a strong team.” Natasha hisses. Bucky feels your foot rub against his shin subtly as she yells at him. “Loki was strong!”

“We all are! This isn’t the same survivor, Nat!” Bucky tries to keep his voice steady, but he’s getting tired of being yelled at. “If we lose again. If we somehow end up one more or one less than them, having Loki would be detrimental to numbers. Especially with Thor on the other side.”

Bucky nudges his knee into your leg dangling off the makeshift bed of the shelter. “He’s right. You know it.” You defend him.

“You two just made an enemy. Okay?” she crawls onto the opposite side of the shelter.

Bucky scoffs, but doesn’t say or do anything else in response. It’s tense as some of your tribe members sit by the fire or crawl into the space to sleep.

You fall onto your back and Bucky takes space beside you. “Did we make a stupid move?” He whispers. He can see one of the silhouettes of a cameraman near the shelter and he’s sure they’ll be trying to pick up this conversation, but he really just needs reassurance.

You shake your head. “No.” You scoot closer to him. Bucky shuts his eyes, while laying like this during the day was a no-go, it was nice to be beside you at night. Where your heat offered some relief to cold. “And there’s no second guessing in Survivor, okay? We did what was best for us.” You whisper sternly.

Bucky nods in response. He hesitates for a moment before reaching out and squeezing your hand. “Thank you.”

Your eyes widen and he can see the shock reflected on your face even in the dark, but you squeeze back. “Final two.” You say so quietly Bucky can barely hear you.

Day Ten

Bucky Barnes - Villain Tribe

“Loki was the best move for us. I know and Y/N knows that. That’s all that matters right now. We have a challenge to win. Nat’s threats mean nothing right now.” He shrugs.

Thor Odinson - Hero Tribe

“The villains walk in and my brother is gone! I just never expected him to go home so soon. We didn’t get to play together long on blood versus water, and I hoped that we would be able to here. If I had to guess I would say they just saw him as too big of a threat.”

When Jeff reveals a set up of chocolate, your mouth waters. Sweets person or not after almost two weeks with nothing but water and rice, chocolate sounded like a five star meal at a Michelin star restaurant.

“You even get a little taste.” Jeff teases as he reveals a plate with small break away pieces of chocolate. Your entire tribe groans as he comes up to you with the plate.

You turn to face Bucky as he takes his small piece. He smiles and offers it out. “Do you want it?” You shake your head quickly and he shrugs before popping it into his mouth.

You nudge him when you notice Steve handing the plate back without taking a piece. “What are they doing?” He asks amused as the entire tribe follows suit. You roll your eyes when Steve holds the plate, still filled with chocolate, out for Jeff to take.

Jeff furrows his brows. “You don’t like chocolate, Steve?” He asks, bemused by the hero's actions. Your entire tribe turns to look at them to explain themselves. Steve shrugs. “We don’t need it, Jeff. We’re here to win.”

“So you don’t care about the reward? You just want to win to win?’ Jeff attempts to clarify. You laugh out loud. “We’ll take it, Jeff! Can we have their bites of chocolate?” You giggle as Bucky pinches your side.

Jeff laughs and Steve shrugs apathetically. “We’re ready to win. Let’s play.”

“So you don-”

“Let’s play.” Steve cuts Jeff’s question off, who looks at the man annoyed by the attitude. “We’ll play.” Jeff says sternly. “When I’m done.” Steve looks away a little embarrassed which only makes your tribe laugh a little more as Jeff begins to explain the rules of the challenge.

“It’s like basketball.” You murmur, recognizing the game from your own season. Two players from each team in the area and three on each platform. The two in the arena catch the balls and try to steal them for the contestants on the platform to shoot. You feel like your tribe has a really good shot to rebuild momentum again. “We got this.”

You end up in the arena with Clint while Bucky, Nat and Tony stand on the platform to shoot. You’ve forced Strange and Darcy to sit out, but neither of them seemed thrilled at the idea of basketball either.

It’s a brutal match. The heroes are obviously desperate for another win, desperately trying to prove themselves to whoever watches this season at home.

Something about the villains just clicks though. It’s easy for your team to communicate and score; the closer and closer you get to five points the dirtier the heroes start to play.

By the last round, you and Bucky are both in the arena while the other three attempt to shoot the winning score.

With Steve.

Who elbows you when you jump for a ball. “Shit!” The hit itself isn’t too hard, but it’s jarring enough that you fall to the ground in shock.

“Are you fucking serious, dude?” Bucky shows up behind you with a glare directed towards Steve, who at least looks a little apologetic. Bucky’s fingers lift your chin so you look at him.

“Are you okay? Do I need to call for medical?” Jeff calls from his spot near the benchwarmers.

Bucky’s fingers trace over what you’re sure will be a little bruise later or some minor swelling before he shakes his head. “You good?” He asks quietly, just for you.

His eyes on you are intense as he traces his fingertips over your skin. It’s intimate, far too intimate for the amount of people watching hawkeyed and looking for reasons to vote you out.

You stand abruptly. “I’m good.” You dust the dirt off of your legs and turn to face Jeff without glancing back at Bucky. “No medical! I’m okay! Just an accidental bump.” Your eyes find Steve’s and he offers a semi-apologetic smile that you shrug at in return.

The game is called back on. Steve seems a little shaken by his accidental brawl and it gives your team all the momentum they need to score the last basket.

“Villains win reward!” Jeff’s arms shoot up and your team cheers. You squeeze Bucky’s bicep as Darcy rushes over to give you a hug. Thank you. You mouth, the cameras may have picked up on it, but nobody else has and that’s all that matters.

Bucky Barnes - Villain Tribe

“I bet right now they’re wishing they had some of that chocolate.” His laughter rings out.

Peter Parker - Hero

“I really wish I had taken a bite of chocolate. It looked so good.”

There’s a large table set up buffet style with chocolate candies, cakes, milk and anything you can make chocolate, is chocolate.

But there’s only one thing Bucky’s searching for, a clue. If there’s one thing he’s learned watching these more recent seasons, it’s that there’s always a clue hidden away on these reward trips and Bucky’s going to find it.

For you and for him.

“Oh my god.” You let out a moan at the bite of a chocolate cupcake you take. You hold it towards Bucky with a smirk. “Try it. I don’t think I’ve ever had a cupcake that tasted this good.”

Bucky takes a small bite and lets out a pleased groan. He’s sure if he had been eating steadily for the past couple weeks the cupcake wouldn’t taste nearly as good, but to him it’s like heaven.

“We’re gonna go for a swim. Do you two wanna come?” Darcy offers as the rest of the team darts towards the clear water. You and Bucky shake your heads quickly. “I’m too attached to this chocolate.” You giggle as Darcy moves to follow the rest of your team.

You move so you’re sitting beside Bucky and lean your head against his shoulder as you take bites of the chocolate treats. “Check this out.” You hold up your left hand and flash a small, white piece of paper.

“Is that…” Bucky trails off as you stuff it into your bikini top with a smirk. “Where’d you find it?”

“The cookie platter.” You laugh softly. “It was hidden between the chocolate chip and oreos.” You tilt your head up to look at him. “That’s our safety procurement. They’re not getting rid of us anytime soon.” You smirk.

“If we can find it.” Bucky noted, picking up another small cupcake. You grab a small, hershey kiss and pop it into your mouth. “I know where it is, Buck. I read the clue when I went to the bathroom. It’s back at camp.”

Bucky nods and finally lets himself relax, his head resting over yours as the two of you eat in a comfortable silence.

“You and I, baby.” Bucky holds a piece of chocolate out which you meet halfway in a cheers. “Til the end!” You cheers with a soft laugh.

Natasha Romanoff - Villain Tribe

“Nobody is really worried about Bucky and Y/N because they just don’t have the numbers anymore. Clint and I aren’t going to help them and Tony and Darcy only promised one vote.” She shrugs. “If they want to sit off in their little bubble and just enjoy their last few days together until we vote them off, that’s fine! We’re not worried.”

Darcy Lewis - Villain Tribe

“I mean, she had to know nobody would want to bring her until the end. She’s a fan favorite. She plays well. It’s only a matter of time until she’s gone and Bucky following right after her.”

Day Twelve

The heroes just can’t win. Which you can tell is annoying your tribe. Immunity is nice when there are people you don’t want to get rid of before the merge. It was an issue when there was and they wanted to get rid of you.

“If we lose, we need to have a plan.” You whisper to Bucky as the two of you huddle by the fire. Your thighs are pressed against one another’s and it has warmth spreading through you. “They’re going to try and vote one of us out.”

Bucky’s fingers trace over your leg. “But we have this.” He taps the immunity idol you had stuffed into your shorts after finding it on the trek back to your camp. “We can use it against them.”

You lean your head against his shoulder. “If we play it right.” You glance over your shoulder. The rest of your tribe is floating in the water, washing off the dirt from today’s challenge. “If we play it wrong, we fuck everything up.”

You can feel Bucky nod against the top of your head. “How do we play it right? They’re not going to tell us their votes.”

“They’ll try.” You cross your arms over your chest. “They’ll whisper around us and try to make us think a certain way. We just have to play smarter.” You shrug.

You stand up suddenly, dusting off the sand and dirt stuck to your skin. “We’ll just play the defeated pair act and turn it around on them. We just have to find a weak link.”

Your eyes move back to the ocean, where Darcy floats away from the group, obviously ignored and outcasted.

“Then we have our in.” You smirk down at Bucky.

Bucky Barnes - Villain Tribe

“She’s so odd. I’m… I just find myself wanting to follow her everywhere though.” He shakes his head, like he can’t quite believe he’s saying all this. “I know how she won. She’s good. She makes it feel real.”

Day Fourteen

Things go well, but not as well as Bucky had hoped. With a double tribal council looming over them, individual immunity for you or him would have ideal, no matter who won the award.

Natasha had won individual immunity and the reward, hot dogs and hamburgers while sitting in the opposite tribe’s council. It was good, but Bucky knew she would be power high for the rest of the afternoon.

She had made it clear she would be coming for you and him.

“Heroes can’t win, so they’re forcing us to go to tribal now.” You nudge Bucky with your elbow, but he can’t bring himself to laugh. He can’t understand how you’re so nonchalant as Natasha moves around camp with a vengeance, desperate to get back at you two for screwing her over.

In the first vote, his mind tacks on. She shouldn’t be taking it too serious.

“How are you not worried?” Bucky asks quietly as the two of you sit under the palm tree. You’re weaving ferns together for no reason other than it giving you something to do while Bucky uses a spare cloth to wipe dirt off of his arm. “She’s plotting our demise and we’re just sitting here.”

You glance up at him with a smile. “You worry too much, Buck.” You shrug your shoulders. He watches as your eyes move over the beach and take in the groups spread out. “Have you noticed anything?” You ask quietly.

Bucky splutters for a moment, completely shocked by your nonchalance. “Are you listening to me?”

“Because I have.” You ignore him. Anybody else and Bucky would be furious. He thinks that may be a problem. You hand comes up to cup his chin and force his stare in the direction of the fire pit. His eyes land on Darcy, sitting alone as Tony, Stephen and Natasha chat in the shelter. “I’ve noticed how overlooked Darcy Lewis is. They don’t see her as a physical threat or social competitor.”

Bucky nods slowly. “What makes you say that?”

“They think she’ll fall into line because she owes them something for keeping her safe.” Your hand drops from Bucky’s face and he raises a fingertip to trace over where they had laid. You keep talking, “But she knows they’ll rid of her at the merge. She’s too smart individually to not.”

“And we get her to spill their secrets?” Bucky asks softly, catching on to your train of though. “Because they’re talking around her, but not to her right now.” You turn to look at him with a proud smile and short nod.

“When she goes off on her own, we’ll make our move. There’s no need to stress, Buck.” You say softly. He looks down at you and almost melts at the reassuring smile on your face.

Fourteen days and he felt something for that smile. Something like butterflies in the stomach and breath flowing easier. Was that too soon? He wasn’t sure. Time was different when you’re with people twenty-four seven. “Yeah.” He breathes out. “You’re right.”

The cameras have no doubt caught this flickering of emotions on his face and maybe by the end of this he’ll be plastered across social media as a somehow worse victim to your Survivor game. He knows Steve had worshipped you, but it was never like this. You never smiled at him like this.

Bucky swears it.

Bucky Barnes - Villain Tribe

“She’s good.” He laughs awkwardly. “We’ll see how this alliance plays out.” He looks away and watches as you get up and walks towards Darcy, who has finally drifted off to collect fire wood. “We’ll... We’ll see.”

“Darcy? Can I come with you?” You’ve made sure the majority group has moved on to the water so they don’t see you talking with her and . “Maybe we could talk.” You shrug.

She looks you over with wary eyes before sighing. “Yeah. Okay.” She nods for you to follow and you smile thankfully at her. Darcy was sweet, there really wasn’t any other word for her.

Her confessionals had been hilarious; They were full of dry commentary and sarcastic quips that made her easily likable. She was a genius, in the literal sense, and forced her way to the end with puzzle wins. Her fatal flaw, and the ultimate nail in her coffin, had been her inability to make strong alliances.

“You’re a threat.” You say easily as you both pause to pick up some fire wood. “It’s why you struggled on your first season and why you’ll struggle now.”

She raises her eyebrows at you obviously unimpressed. “i made it to final tribal council. How is that struggling?”

“You lost.” You shrug. She seems unphased by your bluntness and that makes you happy. “You know you lost because you didn’t forge bonds. You’re sweet. Funny. Smart and strong. People saw you as a threat from that first puzzle challenge on your season and they spent the end plotting your demise. You made it to final three because of your skills not because of your social presence. It’s incredibly impressive, but it might not help you as much in this game where people already know how truly good you are.”

Darcy takes pause. An in. You think proudly, you knew you could crack her. “What exactly are you offering? You and Bucky have made it clear that’s final two.”

“So did Steve and I.” You give her a vicious smirk. “Darcy, thirty seasons and men always fall for the nails up their back and sunkissed legs.” You tilt your head with a cocky smile. “I want to create a more... Women led Survivor. So many men have won and used women to do it.”

She releases a shocked laugh. “You know I could tell him all this? Just... Use it for my own good.”

“You could.” You nod slowly. You pause, like you’re actually worried about the attempt of a threat. “You won’t though. Because you know as well as I do this information won’t get you far. Tell Bucky and I’ll just twist it so you’re gone next or tell the grandparents and they’ll try to get rid of me or Bucky, then you when your vote is no longer needed.” You give her a sarcastic pout.

She shifts her eyes to the ground. It’s a tell, flashes of her season play in your mind, she’s about to lie. “They’re talking about you tonight.” She finally says with a fake smile.

Your eyes narrow before you nod slowly. Wrong choice.

The two of your watch each other for a moment, a stock still staring match where you’re both attempting to gauge the other’s reaction. Then you smile, sweet and innocent. “It’s up to you. Vote for me or vote for Strange. I can’t force your hand.”

You give her a wink before making your way back down the trail. She’s revealed more than she even knows and you’ve just figured out how to save your game.

Darcy Lewis - Villain Tribe

“Maybe she’s right. They’ll get rid of me when they don’t need me, but there’s days before that’s even an option. She’s trying to play me, I know. I’ve seen her and Bucky, she wouldn’t mess that up.” She lets out a defeated sigh. “We know she found the idol, Nat snooped through her bag. Now we just need her to flush it while we vote for Bucky tonight. Biggest blindside yet.”

“Villains, since you won reward you will have council and vote. After the vote, whoever is voted off will leave and the rest of you will move to the jury seats to enjoy your hot dogs, hamburgers and soft drinks while the heroes come in and have their council. You’ll leave before their vote and find out who’s gone at the next challenge.” Jeff sucks in a deep breath and smiles at the group. “Sound good?”

Bucky hadn’t gotten a chance to talk with you after you had followed Darcy into the trees for your talk, but you had traced a finger over his knee reassuringly when the two of you had sat down so he’s hoping for the best here.

He knows it’s frowned upon, but he really tunes Jeff out as he begins talking to Natasha. Bucky’s eyes focus on you. The way the fire casts a glow over your skin and how you’re able to keep your face straight as Natasha accuses you of being a backstabbing alliance member.

“Do you feel like you guys made a mistake last tribal? Getting rid of Loki? Bucky.” Jeff’s voice cuts through the fog that’s in Bucky’s mind.

His head snaps up to look at Jeff, who’s unable to hide his amusement, and Bucky quickly shakes his head. “I think we made the best choice for our game. It was never the intention to hurt Nat, but she is and I guess that’s something I’ll have to live with.” He gives Jeff a shrug.

“We had a plan that you didn’t stick to. I think it’s perfectly reasonable for people to not trust you now.” Natasha doesn’t even look at him, she just keeps her eyes on Jeff.

Jeff’s eyes bounce back and forth between the two like he knows he won’t even have to prompt Bucky for a response. “It was last minute.” His eyes move to Stephen and Tony sat behind her. “Stark was in on it too, but he’s trustworthy?”

“Stark never promised me final four.” She finally turns to look at him with a smirk, like her airing that out will seal Bucky’s fate. “You did.”

Your voice cuts Bucky off before he can even speak. “We both knew that final four promise was bogus. You were never gonna turn your back on Clint and Bucky and I weren’t gonna turn on each other. Stop pretending it was your plan to bring us to the end. Lying isn’t all that becoming of you, Nat.” You lean towards her with a pretty smirk.

Bucky looks you over slowly and swallows thickly. He needed to get this attraction to you under check before he ended up in an embarrassing situation on national television.

“Shut up.” Nat says just as fiercely. Really, Bucky thinks, the two of you would have worked so well together. He doesn’t understand why you had chosen him. “Let’s vote, Jeff. Can we vote?” She looks away from you with an eyeroll.

Jeff’s eyes widen before he nods. “Sure. Yeah. Let’s vote.”

Natasha’s Vote - Bucky

“Next time, hide the idol better.” She laughs. “We need it flushed so we can get rid of your girlfriend next week, sorry Bucky.”

Darcy’s Vote - Bucky

“I almost took the offer, but numbers are just safer right now. Sorry.”

Tony’s Vote - Bucky

“Last week was a one time deal, bud. These old-timers still know how to play the game.”

“You know the deal. I will read the votes, person with the most votes gets sent home. If anybody has a hidden immunity idol and wants to play it, now would be the time to do so.” Jeff’s hands clutch the urn as his eyes trail over the group. He pauses, waiting for somebody to speak up and Bucky’s heart races for the first time all night. He’s nervous.

“Jeff.” You speak up softly. You smile at group, who all look far too pleased to see you reach into the bag at your feet, before standing up the idol clutched in-between your hands. You walk up to him him slowly with calculating eyes.

“You know, I’ve had a target on my back since day one. No matter what these villains want to say, they would never have actually worked with me past the merge.” You hold the idol tightly as everyone watches you completely intrigued. You hand the idol over the Jeff. “I would like to play this for Bucky tonight.”

Bucky’s eyes widen and he can practically feel his heart stop. Natasha’s tongue presses against her cheek as she looks down at the ground with a shake of her head. Clint looks between you and Bucky in disbelief and Darcy flushes bright red.

Even Jeff looks surprised as you make your way back to your seat in front of Bucky. He’s speechless as Jeff holds the idol up. It’s like water has rushed through his ears as he sees his name pulled out one after the other.

One. Two. Three. Four.

“Strange.” Jeff reads out. “That’s one for Strange. Four for Bucky that do not count.” Jeff says pointedly. Jeff pulls out another vote, the one in Bucky’s handwriting. “Strange. That’s two votes and tonight,” he pauses, “that’s enough.”

Bucky lets out a shocked laugh as Stephen Strange slowly moves to pick up the unpacked bag at his feet. Most of his stuff was back at camp, like the rest of their makeshift alliance. The man moves in a shocked daze similar to what Bucky feels himself. He honestly can’t even hear Jeff’s goodbye speech to Stephen over the pounding of his heart.

There’s a moment of shocked silence as the group looks around trying to come to terms with what had just transpired. In that moment, you turn to look at Bucky with a proud smile. “Told you, Buck. Needn’t worry.”

Bucky lets out another laugh and holds his pinky out to you. “You and me all the way to the end, sweets.” Your eyes sparkle at the nickname and Bucky doesn’t let himself feel embarrassed over it slipping out. He’s far too happy with what just happened to worry about anything.

Your pinky links with his and Bucky yanks you towards him to press a sloppy kiss to your cheek. You laugh unabashedly as he does so and the rest of the tribe stares in annoyance.

It’s blatant show of loyalty. One that Bucky knows could hurt them in the end, but you don’t seem to mind and he can’t bring himself to care.

Stephen Strange - Exit Interview

“I uh, I feel stupid.” He lets out a dazed laugh. “We didn’t split the vote. You always split the vote. Nat and Tony were sure Y/N would use it on herself though and Darcy reassured us she had told the girl we were writing her name down. We got too comfortable. It just sucks it ended up being my neck on the line but that’s the game. That’s Survivor and that was one hell of an impressive play.”

Your tribe won’t look at you. Natasha sits with Tony and Clint as they whisper and eat the hamburgers placed out for everyone.

Darcy sits in between the two groups as you and Bucky watch the heroes trail into the tribal council chambers. “Heroes. Strange voted out at the villains tribal council tonight.” He gives the heroes a moment to whisper amongst one another as each of their eyes takes in the new villains tribe.

“Is this a surprise, heroes? I mean did it seem like Strange would be the one to go home after today’s challenge?” Jeff asks as the tribe settles into their seats.

The group looks at one another hesitantly before Peter speaks up. “I mean, we weren’t sure with Loki. Maybe he came on too strong... Seeing Strange go? Someone who knows the game so well? It makes us think there’s another all female alliance brewing.”

Bucky looks at you over his sip of generic soda and you suppress a smile as you bite into your hot dog. How wrong they were. You almost want to laugh. Of course they assumed it was an all female alliance again. You had seen it time and time again, long before you came on and long after, men can’t seem to comprehend why other men go home early unless it’s a woman who plans it.

It’s almost sad how predictable the heroes are in their thought process and game play. You and Bucky steal glances over food as they drone on about working together through honor and loyalty.

What does catch your eye though, is the obvious divide. You can only hope Bucky sees it too so you can discuss it back at camp in preparation for the future merge.

It’s easy to tell Steve, Wanda and Scott were alone. They sat huddled together on the end while the other’s spoke. None of them piped up to support the claims of unity or strength. You wish you could speak up and urge Jeff to point it out because it was killing you not knowing.

He was good at his job though. “Steve. Scott. Wanda. You three are so quiet, do you agree with what Thor is saying? That you’re all happy go lucky at camp?” He smiles at the blonde man who shrugs.

“I think we’re all nice to each other back at camp, but I wouldn’t say we’re united.” At this, Wanda and Scott perk up. They both nod and Wanda sits up a little straighter. “It’s Thor’s camp right now, he makes the decisions. The only reason the three of us were spared last week is because he knew we’re strong and we’ve been losing like it’s our job.” Wanda tacks on.

You smirk. Thor was leading the charge? His first season had been nothing short of disastrous. After being kept on as his original tribes muscle, he failed to make a strong alliance post-merge. Even having his brother back by his side couldn’t save him and the end he was voted out as the second jury member. He learned. You glance over at Darcy. Not everyone could.

Quickly after Steve’s comment, tribal council descends into chaos. Thor disagrees and the men begin talking over one another until Jeff steps in to begin the vote. “I honestly have no idea how this vote will go tonight, but I can’t wait to see. Villains, we’ll see you for the next challenge soon. Where you’ll see the new hero tribe for the first time.”

Your group is ushered away quickly, forced to leave any half finished drinks or food sitting on your seats. “How they get to see ours but we don’t get to see theirs?” You call out.

Your question goes ignored by Jeff and the cameramen following behind you. “Whatever.” You shrug hastily before moving to catch up with Bucky.

“Villains aren’t losing. We’re set until the merge, baby.” You wink at him, thrilled at the red you can see dusting his cheeks.

After all, who said you couldn’t have fun on Survivor?

Natasha Romanoff - Villain Tribe

“I have no words.” She sits on the sand illuminated by nothing but the moon and camera lights. “I’m... I’m speechless.”

Day Sixteen

The idol is back in play. And winning reward is necessary for you and Bucky. You couldn’t care less about the rest of your tribe getting to swim in a fresh waterfall or eating a feast, all you cared about was the clue that was no doubt going to be hidden among the food.

Last tribal had been a guessing game and a whole lot of luck. The numbers were still against you and Bucky, that hadn’t changed.

“We need a better strategy.” You shake off what you can of the rain pounding against your skin. It’s getting into your eyes and messing with your vision. “They’re destroying us.” You look at Natasha, who stands beside you and Bucky as the rest of your tribe tries desperately to reattain control of the ball.

Her lips are pursed together, but you can tell she knows you’re right. In the game of ocean basketball, where three points gets you the win, the heroes already had one to your big fat zero and they held the ball.

“Next round, Bucky and you go out and keep Clint. That way there’s a strong player in each heat. Focus on shaking their-” You’re cut off when the hero team begins to cheer excitedly and Jeff announces their second point. “-Confidence.” You say defeatedly.

You pucker your lips in annoyance as Darcy and Tony struggle through the water to the sidelines, both heaving out breaths. “We can try.” Natasha sighs going out to meet Clint and presumably explaining the new strategy to him.

“I hate to be a debbie downer, sweets.” Bucky looks down at you with an apologetic look. “I don’t think we got this.” You don’t have a chance to respond as Bucky is forced onto the makeshift oceanic basketball court.

You watch with bated breath as both teams struggle to maintain control of the ball. Shuri pulls Natasha underwater and away from Peter when he finally gets ahold of the ball.

Wanda wraps her arms around to Clint to stop him from catching the ball if Peter passes, it’s an even fight if you’ve ever seen one. And Peter looks terrified to go head to head with Bucky, who’s waiting for him by the floating baskets.

“C’mon, Bucky.” You mumble to yourself. Darcy and Tony watch in silence. “C’mon. C’mon. C’mon.” You repeat hopefully.

Bucky’s hands shoot up as Peter makes a hail Mary shot from feet away, not wanting to go head to head with Bucky. The cheers of the heroes side are deafening as it goes in.

You can only laugh as Peter gets tackled into the water by his tribe. Your eyes find Bucky, who won’t look up from the water lapping around his hips and you frown.

You guess they were bound to win something eventually.

Peter Parker - Hero Tribe

“We won! Our second win in almost twenty days. I never thought I’d be so happy to sit out here and play ocean basketball in the pouring rain.” He laughs ecstatically. “We won! We won! We won!”

Bucky Barnes - Villain Tribe

“Shit.”

Bucky can’t even look you in the eye. He’s so upset with his performance and his inability to stop Parker from that winning shot. The entire tribe is silent as they make the freezing walk in the pouring rain back to camp.

Nobody wants to say it, but losing momentum like this is only bad news. He knows every single person here is now afraid their winning streak is officially done and with no merge in sigh that means battling it out for votes.

He feels something brush against his hand and he looks up at your, shivering beside him in the shelter. “It’s not your fault.” You say quietly. You scoot closer. He can see the whites of your eyes and a vague outline of your face as the two of you lay looking at each other.

“I let him get that shot.” Bucky whispers back sullenly. He can feel you hesitate before moving until you’re pressed against him, chest to chest, and wrap an arm around his waist. It’s a welcome relief, the warmth that comes with being wrapped up with you, but it makes Bucky’s entire body flush and his heart race. “I’m like, double his size, I could’ve gotten him down easily.”

Bucky’s arm comes up to wrap around your waist as the two of you whisper. “They destroyed all of us, Buck. We didn’t score one point. You can’t blame that all on you. It was a team effort.”

Bucky doesn’t respond, his mind drifting to what will happen now. He can swallow losing a reward challenge, it just meant one more night of rice and dirty hair. He signed up for thirty-nine of those. Bucky was more worried about what happens now that momentum was gone.

Could the tribe pull it together for the next immunity challenge, or is this the end of their reign? And if it was, what would the two of you do? Numbers were numbers, and one long shot plan working doesn’t magically mean you and Bucky are safe.

Your thumbs press over Bucky’s eyebrows effectively smoothing the wrinkles that had formed while overthinking. “Get out of that head.” You smile up at him. “There’s nothing we can do now but try to stay warm and get some sleep before tomorrow’s challenge. Okay?”

“Okay.” Bucky swallows as your wrap yourself tighter around him. If anyone asks in the morning, you’ll both say it was for warmth. Sleeping apart just wouldn’t make sense in this storm.

Day Seventeen

When the show airs and your friends ask why your tribe lost this immunity challenge you’ll blame the rain again. The torrential downpour has caused the small cracks in your tribe’s foundation to widen and left you all struggling to work together.

While you and Darcy argued over puzzle pieces, Peter and Shuri flourished. They saw the same thing at the same time and barely needed to speak as pieces were handed off between them. If it hadn’t been you losing to them, you would’ve loved watching it happen.

You’ll blame the rain for ruining your sleep and making your hands shrivel up and so cold they shake. You’ll come up with every excuse in the book except for what everyone else knows to be true; The heroes were the better team in that challenge.

You can’t worry about it right now though. Right now you have to figure out a way to get anybody but you or Bucky off the tribe tonight without any numbers or idols to help you.

“What would you think about voting for Tony or Darcy tonight?” Clint has huddled up with you and Bucky on one side of the shelter with one of your tribe’s two comforters while the other three members do the same.

You make sure to keep your voice barely a whisper and turn your head so your lips can’t be read by anybody but Clint and Bucky. His eyes cut to Natasha over your shoulder before back to you. “You joking?” He asks just as quiet.

You and Bucky look at each other before shrugging in sync. “The merge is awhile away. We’re gonna be stuck in these tribes for a long time, you know it. You need Bucky and I if you want to keep your name off the chopping block.”

“Why? Darcy would be on the chopping block before me.” Clint shrugs. You look over your shoulder again and watch as Tony and Natasha talk to one another as Darcy tries to nap. None of them pay any mind to the group of you. You’re sure it’s because they assume nothing would happen with Clint here to watch you and Bucky.

Obviously they underestimated you. “Maybe. Or maybe whichever person is left between Bucky and I would team up with Tony and Darcy to take one of the troublesome two out.” You smirk, Bucky smiles and Clint just blinks. “Because if I were smart, like Tony Stark, I’d agree that keeping two of the greatest to ever play together was dumb.”

There’s a breath of silence, where all you can hear is the rain still pounding against the makeshift roof of your shelter before Clint finally nods. “If I can get a second alone with Nat I’ll try to talk to her, but I don’t see Tony moving from this shelter before tribal tonight.”

You - Villain Tribe

“It’s a gamble. Trying to turn Clint in the middle of this storm that has no end in sight.” You look up as the rain continues to pour down. “If anyone can convince Natasha to give us a few more days, it’s him though. They’re family.”

Clint Barton - Villain Tribe

“Is it risky considering her past? One hundred percent. It’s smart though. Tony could easily team up with Bucky and Darcy next tribal to break up Nat and I and make himself stronger. It’s a no-brainer. Keep the person without an ally over the person who does.”

“Villains, almost three weeks and this is only the third challenge your tribe has lost. Is that something you’re proud of?” Jeff is bone dry as everyone sits in front of the fire and ignores the pouring rain.

It’s the warmest Bucky has been all day. If his fate in the game wasn’t looming over him, he might even be glad to arrive at tribal council and huddle beside this huge fire.

“I think we’re proud of how far we’ve come and we understand every good thing comes to an end.” Tony answers for the group. Bucky can barely resist rolling his eyes. “It’s time to trim some fat.”

That gets a reaction out of Bucky as his eyebrows shoot up and he can only assume you look the same in front of him because Jeff’s eyes shoot the two of you and he smirks. “You disagree, Bucky?”

“I just want to know what fat he wants to trim.” Bucky looks down the line at Tony. “Who here is the weak link?”

“I don’t want to call anybody out and make them feel bad, but every team has fat. It only makes sense to get rid of it for the sake of the team.” He won’t look at you or Bucky as he speaks.

It has Bucky’s blood pressure rising as he stares at the man in anger. “You don’t want to name names because you know you’re wrong.” There’s no question in Bucky’s tone. “Because you know Y/N and I aren’t really fat, you’re just terrified of going against one of us.”

“Just admit it, Tony.” You chime in. “This week it’s me. Next week it’s Nat. Then it’s Darcy. You don’t want strong women in this final with you because you’ve seen what we can do.”

Bucky’s eyes find Clint’s and they stare at each other for a moment before Clint moves his stare to red head beside him. Bucky can only hope she votes for Tony tonight too. That they’ve somehow pulled this miracle out.

“it has nothing to do with women and everything. to do with how strong you are you. You’ve won. Why would I want that?” Tony narrows his eyes.

Jeff laughs. “Woah. Woah. Woah. So, Tony, she’s right? You’re admitting she’s not the weak link, but you do want to get rid of her?” Jeff attempts to clarify. “You’re really voting for you tonight, not the team.”

There’s a tense silence after Jeff finishes his sentence. “That sounds right to me. Nat?” Your voice cuts through the air. “Sounds like Tony wants to get rid of strong people. You playing Tony’s game?”

“How did this get turned around on me?” Tony’s voice is shocked. “Only an idiot would keep a winner in this game.”

Bucky can’t even see your face, but he knows there’s a smirk there as you nod in agreement. “Only an idiot would keep a winner. And there are three of them to choose from tonight, let’s just make the right choice guys.”

“Let’s vote then!” Jeff claps. “Bucky, go ahead and take the urn to place the first vote.”

Bucky’s Vote - Tony

“I’ve got to win this time. You got that check and that title. It’s my turn.”

Clint’s Vote - Tony

“I hope Nat heard what they were saying tonight, and that she understands ’m doing this for both of us.”

Your Vote - Tony

“There can only be one and it will be me.”

You can’t stop your leg from shaking as Jeff retrieves the urn of votes to read out. Tony had said a few things tonight, but that didn’t mean it was enough to turn the tribe on him.

It could be you, you think as Jeff recites his hidden immunity idol speech. You swallow thickly at the silence that occurs when nobody steps forward with one. This was it.

“I’ll read the votes.” Jeff takes off the lid and reaches in for the first piece of paper. It’s almost slow motion when he unfolds it and reads of your name. When the paper is flipped you recognize Darcy’s handwriting and scrunch your nose up at the small frown drawn in the corner.

You turn to look at Bucky as your own vote with Tony’s name comes out. ‘Breathe.’ He mouths to you with a reassuring hand on your back. Jeff reads your name two more times.

“That’s three votes for Y/N and one for Tony.” He pulls out another piece of paper. “Tony. That’s two for Tony. One vote left.”

You almost cry when Jeff doesn’t begin his voted out speech. “Tony. That means we have a tie.” Your head whips around to look at Bucky again who smiles. “Here’s what is going to happen. You’re going to vote again, you can only vote for Tony or Y/N. They will not vote. The person with the most votes will go home. Got it? Good. Darcy, you’ll vote first.”

Darcy’s Vote - You

“I... I’ve just got to go with my original vote. I don’t know what happened here.”

Bucky’s Vote - Tony

“Please, Nat. Please. Please. Please.”

Waiting for these votes are worse than the first round of votes. You can’t even look at Clint and Natasha, completely unsure of which of two would end up switching their vote. Your hopes were set on Nat recognizing Clint’s handwriting and understanding that’s where he wanted to go, but it’s just not a for sure thing and your heart is beating fast.

Your foot is tapping incessantly on the ground. Bucky’s hand is resting on your lower back as Jeff begins to read the votes. Neither of you can imagine the other going home right now, not with this much game left to play.

Jeff says your name. Then Tony’s. Then his again. You almost scream when his name comes out a third time. You look over to Nat and Clint. ‘Thank you.’ You mouth as Tony’s torch is extinguished.

They nod subtly before turning to look at Jeff again. “Villains, you once again have proven that nobody is safe in this game. Especially those who think they are. Head back to camp, I’ll see you at the next challenge.”

Natasha Romanoff - Villain Tribe

“I don’t know why Clint switched his vote, but he told me he would explain it to me tomorrow. I’m just hoping he didn’t screw us over royally.”

Day Eighteen

The rain has finally taken a break and the clouds have parted to reveal the sun. Bucky can’t stop staring at your legs as the sun hits them just right. You’re glowing.

You’ve lost weight, everybody does on this show, but it hasn’t changed much about you. He still finds his eyes trailing over your body and getting caught on your neck and hands and legs. Imagining them wrapped around him - sue him - he’s young and been stuck on an island with nothing more than some cuddles.

He finds himself wanting to kiss you more and more everyday and that kind of scares him. He’s hoping for the merge for individual rewards he might get to take you on more than he is for finally being off this tribe.

“Earth to Bucky.” Sand hits his chest and Bucky straightens out his back as you stand above him giggling. “Where’s your head at, handsome?”

There’s already red on his cheeks from the sun and despite the feint burning sensation it leaves, he’s thankful for it covering up his blush. “Just thinking about the merge. What our plan will be.”

“If we can get ourselves to the merge, I think we’re set.” You drop to sit beside him on the sand. “Besides, we have a whole day off. No challenge or anything, just enjoy us still being here. You worry too much.”

Bucky shakes his head with a laugh. “You don’t worry enough.” He nudges your foot with his own. “We’re hanging on by a thread here, sweets.”

“We’ve flipped the vote twice now. I think we have a fighting chance here, Buck.” You giggle softly. Your hands dig into the sand as you lean back on them and lift your chin.

Bucky swallows as his eyes trail down your neck and chest. “You’re right.” He pushes the words out. “Humor me, though? What our plan for the merge is?”

“If we lose again, hopefully we can convince Nat and Clint to get rid of Darcy. That should bring us right into the merge where we can break them up by working with Shuri and Wanda.” You explain quietly.

Bucky’s eyes narrow. “Shuri and Wanda were on opposite sides in that tribal we saw. Then they voted off Scott, what makes you think Wanda will be safe until the merge?”

“I don’t, I’m just going off of what ifs here. I just know that I know Wanda and Shuri, I’m hoping they’ll trust me and work together. We’ll need numbers and they’ll have them. There’s no way Steve will listen to my opinion, but he’ll listen to Wanda’s.” You turn your head to look at Bucky and let out a sigh. “It’s just an idea. We have to see what happens at the next challenge, okay? I can’t plan everything out.”

Bucky shakes his head. “I wasn’t trying to have you plan everything out. I just wanted to know where your head was at. Not all of us have won this game, some of us want to make it far.” He regrets the words right away. Bucky knows good and well that you were taking this game just a serious, he doesn’t really know why he even implied that you weren’t. “Lis-”

“Obviously, you’re stressed.” You cut him off as you stand up. “I’ll let you take a breather. Cool off. But don’t snap at me because you’re anxious. It’s not my fault we’re here. We’ve been working together, if we go down it’s because of both of us. Not just one.”

Bucky almost cowers back. He’s put off by your intent gaze and harsh tone. He’s never been on the receiving end of it and he had underestimated how small it could make someone feel.

You dust the sand off of your thighs. “I’ve done a lot for us. I’ve been the brains behind a lot of these votes, Bucky. Don’t ever try and diminish that because I don’t go around talking to everyone or because I don’t perform as well as you in competitions. It’s disrespectful and a good way to get voted off.” You hiss before stomping down the beach.

Bucky can only watch as you go, guilt squeezing his chest and consuming his mind.

You - Villain Tribe

“I trust him. I know he’s just anxious about what could happen, but he needs to understand I’m just as good at this game. That I know how to play.” You let out a deep sigh. “I don’t think I would actually vote him out, but I need him to know we’re equal partners. I have just as much power as he does.”

》* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ • 。* 。° 。* 。 • ˚《

notes // omgomgomg hi! this took a little longer than i thought just because i’m on vacation and haven’t had time to write until tonight! i hope you enjoyed this, a lot more content and some more changes in the game! i’m so excited for how this is coming together and it’s been so fun to writer!

thank you so much for reading & i hope you enjoyed this part. i write for free, if you can please consider donating to my ko-fi! if you can’t, please reblog/reply, comments mean a lot to writers!

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #james bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x f!reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #survivor au #steve rogers

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kikyan · 4 years ago

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Yandere Wen Ning Headcanons

These are my interpretations of his persona and none of these are 100% accurate. I don’t condone any of these actions in real life and all of this is purely fictional.

Yandere Server

I have seen the anime and the drama, still reading the novel at the moment so if I am missing anything it’s because of that :). Starting off, I LOVE Wen Ning, he is such a precious person. The Wen clan is the clan that is currently the ‘boss’ you would say and they kinda are a tyrant. The thing is that Wen Ning and Wen Qing are from a different segment, a family/branch of medics that are only in league with the main Clan for the resources and protection. Wen Ning has been ill for a good portion of his life, which brought him a feeble and shy persona.

Wen Ning, if he ever decided to fancy someone, his S/O would be someone they admire a lot. He admired Wei Wuxian a lot, his strength, his kind yet goofy nature, his whole being. When his family perished and he was left with Jiang Chen and Yanli, he did what he could to assist his family. Wei Wuxian struggled a lot with trust, but Wen Ning gave him no trouble and did what he could to assist them. To this day, as the Ghost General he helps Wei Ying as his right hand man and protector.

This brings on two sides of him, but they all mingle with his ‘Yandere’ traits. Overprotective, Obsessive, Manipulative, Possessive, Clingy, and Stalker. I’m going to say this off the bat that he isn’t the most dangerous, he poses some threat but he is a real sweetheart. Long story short, he is a wandering puppy in search of a master and when he finds them, he’ll stay with them until the end of time.

Overprotective. This is a done deal and given. He would be very protective of his S/O in many ways. If his S/O is from a different clan then he would do everything, even get help from Wen Qing to offer some safety from the main Wen clan. They spare no one, but with Wen Ning he could offer some excuse on how they would be useful, offer safe passage into and out of somewhere, offer a room to stay for some time, protection, medical help, etc. Know that saying ‘I know a guy’, yeah well Wen Ning is THAT guy. As the ghost general, he would trust that Wei Wuxian would keep you safe if he ever had to deal with something else, but he would feel way more at ease with his S/O with him. Even if you could take care of yourself or hold against your own, you have Wen Ning. Use him. Want someone to block? Use him. Want to attack someone? Use HIM. He doesn’t mind being used by his S/O in that sense. He is a shield and a spear to Wei Wuxian, he can be one for you too.

Obsessive. Yall remember that scene where he left the comfort of his home to go to Lotus Pier to see if Wei Wuxian and his family were okay? Yeah, that’s what I call obsessed and worried for the safety of his admiration. He would want to know everything about his S/O because it helps the relationship but he also wants to be ready for anything! He would find out what clan you're from, your name, your age, d.o.b, favorite meal, any medical conditions, etc. It’s all for your protection and safety he reassures himself. You’re his number one admiration so it’s only natural that he would find any and everything about you.

Manipulative. He would be, maybe not on purpose at the beginning, but certainly once he knows it works. Wen Ning is used to people mocking him and thinking he is weaker than them because of his personality and appearance. It’s simple, he would simply bring himself down and his S/O would feel bad. They would direct their attention to him, no matter if it’s positive and you attempt to cheer him up or negative, with you calling him names and agreeing. Sure he can easily get upset and quiet that causes his S/O to have guilt. At first, it was just because he was used to it and it caused his S/O to react. Once he sees that it works, he’ll do it on purpose to gain sympathy. It turns darker when he no longer cares what attention you give him, just give it to him. As the Ghost General he would try to point out how strong he is and how he could protect you, how you need him. Even if you deny that, that man is following you right back.

Possessive. He would never have the confidence to outright show dominance, but he would indirectly make it known that he cares and won’t allow someone near you. If it’s from the Wen clan, he would use herbs and poisons (thinking back to that episode where Wei Wuxian was trapped in that cage with that jumbo sized dog and Wen Ning knocked that bitch out) to get his point across. In all honesty, he isn’t as weak as some may think. In a battle one on one with a sword or physical strength maybe, but when it’s with whatever they can and he has the advantage of stealth/speed, he is really useful. Someone could approach you and he would carefully watch, wait till you're gone and they aren’t paying attention to strike. He may even butt into the conversation, solely asking you something while ignoring the others until they get the hint.

Clingy. He would be very clingy with his S/O. Following them around constantly and non-stop. His sister would be concerned with his behavior but at the end of the day, what can he do? Honestly, he wouldn’t be that malicious with his clinginess either. It’s just that he finds comfort in his S/O and their presence.

Stalker. He doesn’t have that much confidence so he would admire his S/O from a distance. He would only ever talk to them if they were ever in need of a talk or words of encouragement. His S/O means a lot to him so he would take care of them from afar, I see him as the type to leave medicine in their room if they need it, a meal as well. He is the type to drop off little things, his S/O would wonder who left them or would know it was him, thinking nothing of it since it’s an act of kindness.

Wen Ning, is a dangerous yandere. But how he is so precious- THATS HOW THEY GET YOU. He is very precious and kind, and wouldn't harm his S/O at all, but this man is toxic. It’s the fact that he will always follow you and protect you, say no but he hears yes. You could slap him, kick him, punch him, but to him you’re his favorite and precious S/O. It’s the fact that he is delusional and self-aware at the same time, he knows your true feelings towards him but he also believes that you’ll need him. You’re going to see how amazing and loyal he is towards you, in the end you’ll want him. That’s okay, because he isn’t going anywhere. It's a reversed card, instead of hurting you to get you, he’ll hurt himself to get you. Anything for you, Wen Ning is your loyal dog.

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chokemeoutiguess · 4 years ago

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"Would you kill me, my love?"

It was rhetorical, really. You liked being alive but what about being a captive is living? Unfortunately for you, your words had an audience, and the wrong one at that.

Code Geass Edition (pt 1/2): Lelouch, Suzaku

CW: suicidal ideation but doesn’t go past the title. kidnapping, manipulation, references to violence, threats of violence, very unhealthy relationships. This is not what a relationship should look like.

Lelouch Vi Britannia

"Kill you?" He looked so amused. Amused but irked. With delicate brows raised and stood tall in his white regalia, he looked like a tyrant who was so humoured by the court jester, that me may just spare their life.

But, you could tell that he was surprised by your question. He clawed through his dark hair, his gaze not leaving you once. He looks down at you, purple eyes holding an uncomfortably off gleam to them.

"Never." You expected as much.

He reaches towards you, running his knuckles down your trembling cheek, and his gentle gaze holding yours. "Never you."

You stiffen, your ankles feeling tighter in their jewelled holds, your legs feeling much more jittery against the fine silk of your bedsheets.

"...then who?" Your voice is weak, after not having used it for so long.

He laughs this time, so light, so full. You wouldn't think he was laughing at someone else's death.

"Anyone. If that's what it would take to remind you-" a smooth hand curls around your neck, "that you are mine."

You don't fight him and he relishes in his hold over you, your submission. You've long since learned that he will never apply too much pressure if you stay still, instead becoming accustomed to the warmth his palm spreads around your neck.

"Now, my love. Who put those ideas in your head?" His face holds a perfect smile, but you know better than that. "That dying is better than being here, with me?"

He gestures to your opulent room, gold gilded the frames of every piece of furniture, you had a stocked kitchenette, an en suite, even a TV and laptop with access to the outside world. You had everything you needed to survive. But you didn't have freedom.

The doors only opened for Lelouch, your activity monitored and limited by Lelouch, every piece of clothing lovingly selected by Lelouch. Even now you could walk the perimeter of your small home, but the jingle of the chain around your ankle never let you forget that your life was lost long ago, even if you still breathe.

But you didn't say a word, simply looking at him. When he had first 'relocated' you, for your safety of course, you believed every lie. Followed every rule. And yet, he only got worse.

It was a shame really. You had loved him once, when you were children. You had hoped that the glowing boy of his youth was in there, somewhere, when he returned to the capital to usurp the throne. The frail genius became an emperor.

You were one of the few nobles who didn't fight his rule. You revelled in it even, tired of watching the world suffer at the hands of your brethren, angry at how they treated their own. He worked to tear down the work of his forefathers, which hurt your inner Britannian but your heart sang, knowing that those tyrants would lose their life’s work to flames set by their own blood.

He was on a roll, so it was surprising when he had proposed that you help him secure his rule by becoming the imperial consort. You were sure that that role would fall to his beautiful green haired companion. But he claimed that he needed you for this, that you were the key to peace. You hesitated, naturally, none of it made sense. But when you spent more time with him, joined him for strolls, dinners, meetings, you understood.

“You are perfect. Let no one question that.” He said. You felt warm, and you almost listened.

When he slipped the ring on your hand late one banquet, leaving a longing kiss on its place in your finger he whispered “Let no one question the future queen.”

And this time you believed him.

Now here you are, suffering the consequences of your naivete.

You looked up at the frustratingly handsome face of the current emperor, the man who trapped you so sweetly, the one you cannot help but to care for.

He seemed to have expected your silence. He continued to speak with a curl on his lips as you felt the heat from his hands slide from your neck to both your cheeks to hold your stare to his. All you could see was him.

"No matter. I know a way to ensure I am your only choice. Though I'd preferred for you to love me on your own."

Again, no response. Just a despaired look passing from your eyes to his.

"I, Lelouch vi Britannia, command you, to love only me." His voice is strangely soft as his eyes begin to glow a light pink and suddenly you feel something you've long tried to supress.

"...Lelouch." You sighed out his name, liking how it sounded.

"Yes, dearest?" He smiled, genuinely this time.

Your hands cup around his face, moving closer to him. "Lelouch, I-"

You stopped, flinching. Even he looked suprised. No, this isn't-

"Dearest?" His voice was so warm and gentle on your ears. A part of you giddy that it was towards you. You feel what little grasp you have slip-

-That's right, this is perfect. What was I thinking? He's my love.

Warmth flooded you. Of course, how could you forget?

With no hesitation this time, you pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"I love you."

Lelouch beamed.

Suzaku Kururugi

It was a line you’d heard somewhere, corny but it stuck with you. You wanted to taste how it sounded, nothing serious. Though, it would’ve been better if Suzaku hadn’t just stumbled through the doorway.

He returns to his home in the 11's district, ready to start dinner, only to hear you ask him to kill you? You’d be stupid to think he wouldn’t overreact.

The door slammed shut behind him with a thud, his face draining of colour so quickly.

"What? What makes you think I'd ever do that? That's the last thing I-"

He panics, dropping the bags of food on the floor. He rushes to you, sat up against the bed, a bandage wrapped around your head. He looks you over, thinking you'd tried to hurt yourself. But his fear is replaced with something much more sombre when he sees you're free of injury.

"Is that what you think of me? That I'd kill you because we have a- a hiccup?"

He calls kidnap a hiccup?

He clenches his fists, he seems to struggle to look at you.

"Is this about what happened with Euphie? You think that dying is the only way to get my attention?"

God, not this inane bullshit again. He was convinced that you were jealous of a dead girl. Once upon a time you were worried that he'd never let her go, that you would always be second to a ghost. And now, you wished that that was the case.

"Because you dont need to, damn it. You just need to ask, I'd give you everything if you asked!"

"So you'd kill-"

He slaps his hand over your mouth, infuriated that you'd ask again. It almost stung as much as the wound on your head that you got trying to fight him off when he took you.

"No. I couldn't, that's the only thing I could never give you. I'm sorry." He wasn't sorry, and it was starting to piss you off.

"Just stop." You almost growl beneath his palm, so tired of putting up with him. "Suzaku, I can’t live like this, not here, not with you-"

"YOU DON'T MEAN THAT!"

His shout surprises you, banging your head against the headboard that you're pressed against.

His fist punches into the wall behind your head and for the first time, you're sacred that he might deliberately hurt you.

"...you don't mean that."

His voice his weaker this time and you seem to have completely lost yours.

"You don't. I know it." He said to himself under his breath, seemingly trying to convince himself.

"We're all we have left, from the beginning its always been us. I was an idiot but I'm fixing it. And then I'll bring our home back."

"Suzaku-"

"I know I'm not good enough for you, I know that. But I will be. Once I become viceroy, I'll fix it all."

"Suzaku, I know you're trying but you didn't need to do this. " You say, gesturing to the now highly secure apartment. "I dont want to be trapped-"

"You're not! We'll leave eventually but not right now. It's not safe, you know that.” He has a stern look in his green eyes, one that reminds you of his father. “ It’s not safe, let me protect you.”

The dull ache in your head reminded you not to trust him, no matter how much he pleaded. You had loved him, yes. But you couldn’t forgive this.

He looks up at you with a tired, longing look before he sighs. Resting his head on your shoulder he wraps an arm around your waist to hold you close.

“Please.” He begged, and your heart ached. “I can’t do it without you.”

Oh Suzaku. You reach up to stroke his back. You couldn’t forgive him, but that didn’t stop you from feeling hurt, seeing him like this.

“I know you love me.”

He pulls back, his eyes a little more dull than before and this raises alarms.

“I know you love me, so don’t lie like that ever again.” He spat. He leans his forehead against yours, staring deep into your eyes.

“Don’t make me do something I’ll really regret, okay?” The grip he had on your waist tightened and the increased pressure of his head against your injured one reminded you-

Suzaku hurt you to take you home. What else would he do to keep you there?

#code geass #lelouch vi britannia #lelouch lamperouge #suzaku kururugi #imagine #yandere #and yes #the quote is a black panther ref #Little angsty oops #code geass yandere #code geass imagine

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smaidjor · 4 years ago

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i know they're losing (Chapter 1)

hi mothers and fuckers of the jury, this fic is a hot mess but so am I, please appreciate it. Also, obligatory disclaimer this is about the characters not the people, all that important stuff.

Some important notes:

1. You will probably hate Scott just a little at points. He has chronic dumb bitch syndrome and there's a whole lot of bullshit going on in his life that you don't see in this fic because it's not his pov. That being said, he's still a bit of a jerk.

2. This has a lot of lord of the rings lore. A LOT. You may be kinda confused if you're not a lord of the rings fan. It's fine, Jimmy's confused too, and all of it will be explained at some point.

3. The chapter titles are from the Last Goodbye from the Hobbit films. The general title is from I Bet on Losing Dogs by Mitski.

4. General content warnings: there is a little blood, and a little violence, and a lot of mentioned death and morbid jokes. If you don't do well with themes involving death this fic is probably not for you. There is also possibly going to be referenced emotional abuse and generally unhealthy ways to raise children, though that will be talked about much further down the line. I will also put specific cws at the start of each chapter, don't worry!

5. The alternate title for this was '10k words of flower husbands being sad'. You have been warned.

Title: i know they're losing

Chapter Title: under clouds, beneath the stars

Current Total Wordcount: 3740

Content Warning: referenced/past character death, very frank discussion of death.

Snippet:

Scott whirls to face him, robes spinning behind him. “I’m fading, alright? I’m dying, now leave me alone!”

Jimmy feels like he’s been smacked in the face, the words hitting him with all the force of a well-thrown trident. Dying? “You- what- but elves don’t die, right?”

“We do. From poison, from swords, from arrows through the throat-” Jimmy’s hands fly to the scar on his neck, the one that matches Scott’s own- “from grief.”

AO3 Link

Actual fic under the cut

Scott’s hands are cold. That’s the first sign, the chill that’s uncharacteristic of an elf.

Scott’s chest hurts. That’s the second sign, the bone-deep ache he can’t seem to quell.

Scott is weaker than normal, and that’s the third sign, the one that confirms what’s happening beyond a shadow of a doubt. He’s fading, Scott thinks as he leans against a wall, trying to stop his head from spinning. He can’t say he’s surprised, not after all he’s been through; in fact, he’s more astonished it took so long to start.

In another world, it happens like this:

Scott’s hands are cold, and Shubble notices as he shows her around the nether. It’s worrying, a bit, how icy his skin is even in the boiling dimension, but Scott’s empire has always been cold, hasn’t it?

Katherine notices how long it’s been since Scott visited her, one of his few allies, and she worries, a bit. But Scott has always been distant, hasn’t he?

No one notices or worries enough to go check on him, and Scott fades away to nothing, cold and alone in his icy empire.

What actually happens is this:

Katherine has gotten word of the demon that haunts the server, and amongst all her worry, one of her thoughts is ‘has anyone checked on Scott?’. The answer is no, and next time she has a free day, she sets out for Rivendell. It’s not a long trip, not with elytra, anyways, and soon she’s at the doors to his keep.

“I need to see Lord Smajor,” she tells the guards.

“He’s not taking visitors right now.” is the response she gets.

“It’s a vital matter to the safety of both our kingdoms.”

They let her in.

Katherine spends far too long looking around the elegantly decorated downstairs and storage area before she realizes he must be up the spiral staircase in the corner of the room. She’s never been upstairs in Scott’s house before, which makes her a little nervous, but… this is an urgent matter, so she presses on into what turns out to be a very pretty bedroom. Decorated with bookshelves aplenty and gorgeous lanterns, it practically screams Scott.

The man (elf?) himself is harder to spot. At first, Katherine’s worried he isn’t there at all, but eventually she realizes that he’s still in bed despite the fact that it’s a quarter to one, only his pale face sticking out from under the covers.

“Scott?” She asks, cautious. “Lord Smajor?”

He blinks at her tiredly. “Hi, Katherine.”

“I came to talk to you about some empires stuff, but, I mean, if this is a bad time, I can come back later…?”

“No, no, stay.” He waves at the sole chair in the room, which is near-enough to the bed. “I can muster the energy for a meeting, just don’t ask me to get up.”

Katherine takes the seat hesitantly. “I came to talk about the corruption on the server, but- are you okay? Are you sick?”

Scott laughs, a little bitter. “In a way, yes.”

“What do you mean?”

“Take my hand.”

She obeys, confused, and finds that Scott’s hands are like ice despite the warmth of the room.

“Elves don’t get sick like mortals do,” Scott says. “Nor do we die of old age. But we get...heartsickness, you might call it. We call it fading in our tongue- the cold hands are a symptom of that. Our souls are fragile, and the grief of the mortal plane can be overwhelming. If an elf is too struck by it, they fade away and die.”

She gasps a little.

“It usually happens to old elves, world-weary,” Scott continues. “Those who are tired of existence. But any elf who has experienced enough grief is at risk.”

It takes Katherine a moment to process everything, and once she does, she stares at him in horror. “You’re- fading? But doesn’t it usually happen to old elves? Wait, are you old?”

“I’m fifty-five.”

“Is that old?”

That gets a laugh out of him. “Fifty is the elven equivalent of eighteen for humans, the age of maturity.”

“Oh.” She struggles for words for a moment, settling on “How can you be so calm if you’re dying?”

“I’m tired, Katherine. The world tore me away from the people I loved, and..I’m tired of fighting it.”

Try as she might, there’s nothing she can say to that. “Is there a way to reverse fading- to fix it?”

Something pained and raw flashes through his eyes. “Technically, yes. If an elf recovers enough emotionally, it’s reversible. But whatever caused them to fade the first time can- and often does- cause it again.”

Katherine nods seriously, absorbing the information. “We’ll just have to reverse it, then.”

“That’s sweet, Katherine, but I’m dying.”

“No,” she tells him firmly. “You’re not going to die. Now come on, you can show me your empire while I fill you in on what’s happening on the rest of the continent.”

Scott stares at her for a long moment, but eventually he takes her outstretched hand. “Alright.” His hand is frozen cold in hers. “We can try.”

Katherine lets him lead her around Rivendell, pointing out the sights. He’s done an impressive job decorating, like her, and an even more impressive job at uniting the elves and building an empire from the ground up. The people of Rivendell are weary and battle-scarred, for the most part, elves who have seen too much, but the children are bright and happy, and the cyan and gold banners wave proudly in the wind.

As they walk, she also tells Scott about the demon, Xornoth. “The demon’s already visited a lot of people, I think. Gem and Shubble for sure, and Fwhip and Sausage. That’s not even mentioning the corruption that’s been spreading.”

Scott nods. “There’s corruption in Rivendell too. Likely Xornoth’s work. And given that Jimmy still has Vilya- well, I haven’t been able to do much.”

“Vilya?”

“A ring of power. My inheritance from the Noldor.”

“Why does Jimmy have it?”

He doesn’t answer that one.

Katherine leaves feeling unsettled, with more questions than answers. She has new resolve, though, and a new goal: keep Scott from fading. He’s a good friend, though they don’t know each other that well yet, but more than that, he’s a powerful ally. And Katherine can’t afford to lose allies. So while they’re both rulers and busy in their own right, she promises to visit and drag him outside at least once a week.

“I’ll hold you to that,” Scott jokes, but his laugh is weak.

Katherine vows to hold herself to it.

The plan works for three entire weeks before Katherine has a week that’s so busy there’s no way she can find the time for a trip to Rivendell. Worse than that, because Scott is so isolated, he has almost no other friends, and many of Katherine’s allies are busy too. She’s a little short of options, to be honest, which is how she finds herself on Jimmy Solidarity’s doorstep that Sunday afternoon.

“Hello?” Jimmy asks as the door swings open. Katherine can see why Lizzie calls him the sweet swamp boy- his confused head tilt is frankly adorable.

“Hi! I know we don’t talk much, but I could use a favor,” she says.

“What can I do for you?”

“I need you to visit Scott.”

Jimmy looks beyond startled. “What- I mean, he doesn’t even like me! I couldn’t possibly.”

“Please?” She wheedles. “I promised him a visitor every week, but I have meetings all week this time.”

He shakes his head, hesitantly at first and then stronger. “No, Katherine. He’d just throw me right out again. I’m his enemy, for goodness sake!”

“If he hates you so much, why do you have his ring?”

Katherine knows she’s won, watching emotions flit across his face too quickly to catch. Grief is what he settles on, and she feels a little bit bad for the ring comment when his voice comes out wobbly.

“I guess I should return that, huh? Alright, I’ll go.”

“Sorry,” she says.

Jimmy brushes it off, saying there’s no need to worry, but he fiddles with the ring on his finger all the more. It’s on his left ring finger, Katherine notes. She wonders if that truly means what it implies.

“I’ll visit him tomorrow,” Jimmy says.

“I’ll hold you to that!”

Jimmy isn’t sure why he agreed to this at all, to be honest. Scott may have given him this ring in another world, another lifetime, but that doesn’t mean Scott doesn’t hate him in this one. What other explanation is there for how all his gifts have been rejected, how cold the elf is? Jimmy would be surprised that Scott’s never tried to take his ring back if it wasn’t for how thoroughly Scott avoids him nowadays. Getting the ring back would require talking to Jimmy, something Scott has made it very clear that he doesn’t want to do. Jimmy doesn’t have another use for it, and try as he might to forget flower fields and warm hands in his, he can’t bear to throw it away. So it’s remained on his hand all this time, a painful reminder of someone who used to love him.

Jimmy tries to avoid looking at it as much as possible, every glimpse bringing back the memory of Scott gently sliding it onto his hand, a faint blush dusting his cheeks and a smile on his lips. Even the faint shimmers in the blue gem remind him of how the starlight seemed to get caught in Scott’s hair when they were out at night. The ring had been one of their most valuable possessions on 3rd Life, the rare silver band and elegant forging more than proof of that. Now, though, the ring has to be one of the least valuable things Jimmy owns; on 3rd Life, they were humble folk in little hobbit holes, their most expensive possessions being their diamond armor and swords, but here, they’re kings and lords. Scott probably has a thousand treasures more valuable in his elven empire, so Jimmy’s not sure why he’s bothering to trek all the way across the world just to return this one.

Then again, it’s not really about the ring, and never has been. It’s about the way starlight used to shine in Scott’s eyes when he smiled, his rare, soft grin that was reserved just for Jimmy, how he gave Jimmy the most valuable thing either of them owned. It’s closure, in a way, giving it back. He won’t have any debt to Scott once this ring is returned, and they can both move on like Scott so clearly wants to.

Shaking off those thoughts, Jimmy slows to a stop in front of Scott’s house. It’s grand, nothing like his old hobbit hole, but still so clearly Scott in the decoration and color schemes. Jimmy would know who built it even if he hadn’t known Scott lived in these mountains.

“I’m here to visit Scott,” he says to the guard stationed outside.

They raise an eyebrow, presumably at the familiar way he refers to Scott. “On formal business or personal?”

“Personal? Sort of? I mean, I don’t have any diplomatic reason for being here.” Truth be told, he has no reason to be here at all, really, but...the ring.

“Then Lord Smajor cannot see you.”

Jimmy grits his teeth, suddenly furious at this whole ordeal. “Then tell Lord Smajor that I need to return his ring.”

“May I see it?”

He sticks his hand out obligingly, and the guard examines the ring, surprise blooming across their face. “I did not realize my Lord had lent you Vilya! My apologies, Lord Codfather, I see the alliance between our kingdoms is stronger than I had assumed. You may pass.”

Vilya? “Thank you, gentle, uh, gentleperson!”

The guard dips their head slightly as he walks by, a gesture of respect that he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to. He shakes off the strangeness of the interaction, though, pushing open the door to Scott’s house.

The inside is beautiful, exactly the kind of decor Scott loves...and empty. There’s no one in the spacious kitchen, the storage room, or anywhere else for that matter. Jimmy’s seconds from giving up and going home when he realizes that there are stairs up to the balcony above. That’s where he goes, finding himself in Scott’s bedroom.

Which is awkward, to say the least. It’s not like they never slept in the same room when they were married, but now that there’s this awkward, painful distance between them, Jimmy feels like he’s intruding. What’s worse is, Scott’s still in bed, laying on his side with his face tilted away from Jimmy’s awkward entrance.

“Hello, Jimmy.”

Jimmy half-jumps, not expecting that. “How’d you know it was me?”

Scott rolls over to face him, and Jimmy notes that his face is too pale for it to be natural or healthy. “Do you think I could ever forget the sound of your footsteps?” He goes on before Jimmy can answer. “What are you doing here?”

“Katherine asked me to visit, I’m not sure why, but...here I am. Say, why is she visiting every week?”

Scott’s laugh is bitter. “Katherine thinks she can save me.”

“Save you from what?” Jimmy asks, concerned despite himself.

His (ex?)husband doesn’t reply.

“Save you from what?” Jimmy presses, and gets no answer yet again.

Instead, Scott sits up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “You should go.” He stands, and immediately stumbles, Jimmy rushing to steady him on instinct. Scott’s hands are like ice when he grips Jimmy’s arm to regain his balance, taking several deep breaths, and Jimmy’s instantly struck by how wrong that feels. Scott’s hands were always warm, even on the coldest nights in 3rd life. Some elven thing, probably, that Scott didn’t want to talk about or have time to explain to a silly human like Jimmy.

“Scott, what is going on?”

The elf brushes him off again, heading for the stairs, but the regal effect is ruined by how hard he has to grip the railing.

“Scott, seriously! Answer me, are you okay? What’s happening?”

Scott whirls to face him, robes spinning behind him. “I’m fading, alright? I’m dying, now leave me alone!”

Jimmy feels like he’s been smacked in the face, the words hitting him with all the force of a well-thrown trident. Dying? “You- what- but elves don’t die, right?”

“We do. From poison, from swords, from arrows through the throat-” Jimmy’s hands fly to the scar on his neck, the one that matches Scott’s own- “from grief.” Scott turns back to the stairs. “Come on. If you’re not going to leave, I might as well show you around.”

Jimmy follows, reluctantly, trying to think of something to say that isn’t incoherent sputtering with a bit of ‘why do you hate me now’ added in. “You can’t just drop something like that on a man, you know!”

“You did ask, to be fair.”

Why oh why is he so stupid around Scott? “I guess so, but- but still, dude.”

Scott pushes open the side door, holding it for Jimmy. “Here.”

Jimmy nods and slips through the door. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

They start along the path, Scott walking far too quickly for Jimmy’s comfort given how terrible the elf’s balance is currently. He nearly has to jog to keep up, irritatingly, but at least they aren’t snapping at each other for a few precious moments.

Of course, Jimmy has to go and ruin that. “So, uh..are we going to talk about 3rd life?” He has to hear it from Scott’s own lips that he remembers, that it affected him even half as much as it’s affected Jimmy.

“No.”

“Why not? We need to talk about it some time-”

“I said no .”

“It’s literally killing you to not talk about it!”

Scott freezes, face going icy calm in the way Jimmy knows means he’s actually upset. The elf’s hands grip the fabric of his robes tight, his back going rigid. This is a bad idea, Jimmy knows.

He’s in too deep to back out now, though, the pent-up hurt of the past few months all coming out in a rush. “Tell me I’m wrong, Scott! I dare you, tell me I’m wrong! Tell me you never cared about me, tell me you didn’t bother to bury me, tell me it didn’t hurt even a little when I died! Tell me I was just stupid little Jimmy, a toy for an elf who’d live far beyond my lifespan! Tell me whatever, just tell me the truth! ”

Scott breathes out slowly, fury gradually building on his face. “Fine. You want to know what happened after you died? You want to hear about me screaming until my throat went raw? You want to know that I kissed your face and sobbed and begged you to wake up, over and over until I couldn’t speak at all? You want to live with the knowledge that Grian had to physically pull me away from your body? Is that what you want to hear, Jimmy ?”

Jimmy’s name on Scott’s lips punches all the remaining air out of him, sounding so wrong in that angry, bitter tone. Beneath all the rage, Scott sounds wrecked , and the fight leaves Jimmy’s body abruptly. “No,” he says softly. “That’s not what I want to hear, not at all. I’d rather you be happy than love me.”

Silence follows those words, only the faint sound of a waterfall in the distance there to break it.

“I buried you on the hill above our houses,” Scott says finally. “I planted a poppy over your grave.”

“Oh.”

“Grian came over the next day. I didn’t want to see anyone who wasn’t you, but I let him in because I had to. He helped me do the straps on my armor and asked me if he could do anything else to make things easier. I told him to bury me next to you.”

Jimmy swallows hard. “Did he?”

“How would I know?” Scott’s tone softens, just a little. “Grian was honorable enough, though, loyal to his allies. I like to think he did.”

“He was a good guy,” Jimmy agrees. “A little bit bloodthirsty, I guess, but good. I don’t suppose he survived any better than the rest of us, though maybe being bloodthirsty helped.”

“Maybe.”

“Can I- can I ask you why you hate me so much now? I mean, if you mourned me in third life and all.”

Scott turns away again, starting down the path a second time. He’s not looking at Jimmy when he says “I don’t hate you.”

“You don’t?” It’s a shock, honestly, given that this is the first time the two of them have really spoken since the beginning of empires. “But you burned the pufferfish-”

“I didn’t. I kept it.” Scott still won’t look at him. “I never hated you. I don’t think I’m capable of it.”

“Then why do you keep avoiding me?”

“I’ve been kind of busy dying,” Scott says dryly, and Jimmy doesn’t even realize it’s a joke until he looks over at Scott’s wry little grin.

“Scott! That’s not funny!” He scolds, aghast.

“It was a little funny.”

“No!”

Scott must hear the genuine distress in Jimmy’s voice because he drops the act. “Jimmy, I’m an elf. I won’t live far beyond you, but only because I’ll fade without you.”

“So your solution is to isolate yourself and fade now?” Jimmy demands.

“It does sound stupid when you put it like that, doesn’t it? But I lost you once, and I don’t think I could bear it again.”

Jimmy wants to argue, wants to fight him on this, but there’s nothing he can say. Instead, he puts a hand on Scott’s arm to stop him walking any further. Scott turns to look at him, seemingly startled, and Jimmy throws his arms around the elf.

Scott stiffens before slowly relaxing, arms coming up to wrap around Jimmy in return. It’s not as natural a gesture as it used to be, but it’s warm, gentle in a way Jimmy thought he’d never get again. It reminds him of the soft, starry-eyed boy who put flowers in his hair and laughed at him over a cake. Scott will never be that soft again and Jimmy will never be unscarred, but they’re here. They’re alive, that has to count for something.

Scott pulls back, his expression so achingly tender and heartbroken all at once. “I’m sorry, Jimmy.” His voice is raw, a little shaky. “I can’t. Not again.”

“But-”

He’s cut off by Scott shaking his head. “Losing you will destroy me. We dared to love, and now all we can do now is lessen the pain when it all comes crashing down.”

Jimmy’s in too much shock to speak, the ache in his heart returning tenfold as Scott turns back towards the house.

“Goodbye, Jimmy.” He sweeps away, elegant as ever, but stumbles and nearly falls as he reaches the door. Jimmy’s not there to catch him.

Jimmy stumbles home in a daze. It's somewhat of a miracle that no mob manages to kill him, honestly. To be so close to a resolution, to have the person he wanted most right there in his arms, and then to have all that ripped away- he can’t think of anything that could have hurt more. Even his deaths were less painful than this- at least an arrow through the throat is quicker than feeling like your heart is being ripped out through your ribs, Jimmy thinks, a little bitter. He throws Scott’s stupid ring in a pool in the swamp, watching as it sinks to the bottom of the shallow water with hardly a bubble.

Wait.

The ring.

It’s significant, somehow, according to a Rivendell guard, and more than that, it’s an excuse to see Scott again. One last chance to change his mind about the stupid plan that’s literally killing him.

Jimmy dives in without thinking, scrabbling around until his fingers close around the smooth stone and thin band. When he pulls it out, the gem glitters in the starlight even under the layers of dirt, and it looks like something special. It looks like hope.

#scott smajor #jimmy solidarity #flower husbands #uhh #empires smp #i wont tag 3rd life since its only referenced #my writing

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trulivin · 5 years ago

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All I Want

A/N: Surprise surprise! I actually finished another request yay! So here you all are my JJ people. I would like to say this is a little deep I’d say. There is mentions of rape which was a little hard to write, and it’s centered around anxiety.

Both of those topics are serious matters of discussion and if anyone is in need of help speak up. It’s best to be heard and get help with whatever situation you find yourself in.

AND y’all I do NOT hate Drew whatsoever. He played a great Rafe. Honestly, love that man as much as Rudy (ok maybe not that much), but just wanted to point that out. It’s just the character so don’t give me shit about hating on Drew for all you Rafe fans out there lmao.

To the nonny who requested, I hope this is what you were looking for! As always please send feedback! Comment, like, etc. I’ll get another request done at some point so keep baring with me please.

JJ x Reader, Outer Banks

Warnings: mentions of rape and anxiety

*Credits go to original owner!*

It was a particularly warm day on the Cut when Y/N, JJ, and Pope were going to make a grocery delivery to the Figure Eight. Kie was off with John B and Sarah doing something probably more fun than delivering groceries, but Y/N had been kind enough to offer Pope some help, dragging her boyfriend along. JJ complained the entire way to Heyward’s.

“I don’t see why we have to help,” he whined as Y/N dragged him along. “It’s a perfect day to go surfing.” “Which we can do afterwards,” she said, tugging him along by his hand. JJ groaned, but ran into Y/N as she stopped. The tan girl turned to face him, placed both hands on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her, and looked up at him through her long lashes, a hint of mischief in her eyes.

“If you would stop complaining, we can do more than just surf later,” she drawled, standing on her toes to whisper in his ear. JJ practically melted as he felt her lips brush his ear and trace his skin. He leaned down trying to steal a kiss, but Y/N slipped out of his arms and ran down the dock with a giggle. “Seriously?” JJ called after her, jogging to catch up.

Y/N and JJ had been together for a solid two years. John B never would have thought his best friend would be able to hold down a relationship for that long, but alas, the blond proved him otherwise. Of course the crew had the no-Pogue-on-Pogue macking rule, but did it really apply to Y/N and JJ? They had been friends long before he met John B and the rest of the crew.

Kie knew the moment Y/N’s feelings changed from friendship to romantic, and John B knew he’d never seen JJ so smitten with someone, so the rest was history.

“Hey, what did we say about PDA?” Pope groaned as Y/N and JJ approached the boat. “That it’s perfectly okay as long as we aren’t groping each other?” Y/N offered with a smirk. Pope rolled his eyes and JJ let out a hearty laugh as the two climbed on board.

“As long as it doesn’t stop you from making these deliveries,” Heyward commented.

The four worked as a team, loading all the groceries on board. Finally, they got everything packed in and were off to the other side of the island. Y/N watched the homes roll by and slowly transform into huge mansions. She wrung her hands a bit at the thought of entering Kook territory, but pushed her nervousness aside.

“You’ll be okay,” JJ said, coming up beside his girlfriend. He knew she struggled with a bit of anxiety, and it didn’t help when Kooks would mess with her.

Y/N shot him a small smile as he wrapped an arm around her. She leaned in a bit and listened to his steady breathing, matching her breath with his. A wave of relief washed over her and she felt herself back to normal.

Y/N absolutely hated this about herself. No matter how many times JJ would tell her that’s what made her who she is and how much he loves her because of it, Y/N would still find herself shying away from help. Of course she let JJ help whenever she was in one of her spells, but she had always been reluctant. Her anxiety made her feel weak, and the Kooks could practically smell it on her.

That wasn’t to say she couldn’t throw a punch and handle herself in a fight. She was a Pogue after all. But, Y/N had never been a fan of small spaces and seemed to be nervous over small things such as social interactions. Somehow, some of the Kooks figured out she was never good when she was cornered either.

The Pogues were always careful not to leave her alone when any Kooks were around despite her protests. That just made her feel even weaker when she had personal bodyguards, but they still wouldn’t listen. JJ was the most concerned. She knew he meant well, but he would lose his shit if anyone laid a hand on his girl. Especially now that he had the gun.

Y/N really did appreciate her friends’ efforts to keep her safe, but it still annoyed her a bit. Yet, what could she do? Her friends were the closest thing to a normal family.

Sighing a bit, Y/N and JJ went over to help Pope dock the boat. “So most of this stuff is going to the club house so Y/N can come with me,” Pope said sorting through the bags. JJ gave him a skeptical look, grabbing a few of the resident’s orders.

“I’ll be fine JJ,” Y/N said. Pope shot the pair a glance, deciding it would be best to let the couple work out the situation. “What if we made two trips and you can go with me?” JJ suggested, failing miserably at hiding his concern. Y/N rolled her eyes, “Seriously, I can take care of myself. Besides I haven’t had an anxiety attack in like years so I’m fine.”

“I just think it would be better if you were with me,” JJ shrugged. “Quality couple time.”

“As if you two don’t already spend every waking moment with each other,” Pope muttered under his breath. JJ shot him a glare.

“Pope is right,” Y/N said, starting to get irritated. “It doesn’t make sense to make two trips when there are three of us. The club is kind of far too.” JJ studied her for a moment realizing she was genuinely annoyed with him, so he let up. “Fine,” he muttered, situating the bags on his arms and hopping off the boat. “See you ladies later!” JJ called over his shoulder, his voice returned to its normal goofiness.

Y/N grabbed the rest of the bags and followed Pope off the boat as well. “You know we are just trying to look out for you,” Pope started. Y/N rolled her eyes a bit. “Look I get it, but I’m not weak. I can take care of myself. Pogue-style, baby,” Y/N replied.

Pope laughed a bit and nodded in agreement. “You sure can throw a punch,” he said causing the girl to smile. “And you rival JJ in the craziness a bit.” “I do not!” Y/N laughed, playfully shoving him. The two went on like this bickering back and forth as they made their way past one of the tee boxes.

Unbeknownst to them, two Kooks watched as the Pogues made their way across their golf course. “Hey, hey,” Rafe said, smacking Topper’s chest and pointing to Y/N and Pope. “Shiiit,” Topper said watching the girl and boy. “Yo, when did Y/N get hot?” Topper commented. “Bro she’s always been pretty hot for a Pogue,” Rafe responded as he started walking towards the pair.

“Hey!” he and Topper called. Y/N’s face paled immediately as she heard the sound of the infamous Kooks. Pope sucked in a breath and said, “It’ll be fine.” “Yeah after they caved your face in last time you were here,” Y/N hissed, turning to face the boys coming towards them.

“What’d I say about coming back on our side of the island?” Rafe snarled, reaching Pope. “Oh so you want to go pick up your own groceries then?” Y/N stepped up in front of Pope. She may have anxiety, but she sure as hell wouldn’t let any Kooks walk all over her friends. Topper smirked and stepped forward too.

Y/N did her best not to suck back as two Kooks towered over her, but Rafe caught her flinch a bit, a wicked smile curving up on his lips. “Where’s blondie, Y/N?” he smirked. “Not here to protect you?”

Pope shoved him back away from Y/N who now seemed to be at a loss for words. No she told herself. “Get your nasty Pogue hands off me,” Rafe snapped, lunging at Pope. All the groceries were spilled as Y/N was knocked out of the way. She hit the ground feeling the side of her face scrape on the gravel.

Y/N groaned in pain, but pushed herself off the ground to see Rafe and Topper shoving Pope around. “Get off of him Topper!” she screamed, jumping on his back. The Kook easily shoved her off as he and Rafe kept messing with her friend. His nose was bleeding and he was covered in a can of beer that Topper thought it would be funny to dump on him.

“Stop!” Y/N screamed again. “What, he your boyfriend now?” Topper mocked. “No wonder Sarah dumped you! Jackass,” Y/N snarled, shoving him away from Pope. Rafe stopped punching Pope in the face and stood up. Pope lay on the ground groaning in pain.

Topper’s face went dark. “Don’t you dare,” he hissed. “When did you get a mouth on you?” Rafe smirked again slowly approaching Y/N. “It’s kinda hot.”

Y/N gulped and felt her legs subconsciously back away. She felt the walls begin to close in as the two boys stalked towards her. “Please, don’t,” her voice cracked, giving her fear away. It was like a feeding frenzy for sharks. Y/N turned to run, but Topper caught her before she could get anywhere.

“Get off!” Y/N yelped, as she struggled with her back pressed against his chest. “You’ll pay. You Pogue’s took one of us, so we’ll just take you for an even trade. Seems fair? Right Rafe?” Topper said. “No,” Pope tried getting up but Rafe punched him in the face again before turning back to Y/N.

“That’s right Topper,” Rafe grinned, “I’m sure your boyfriend wouldn’t mind.” Y/N was still flailing as she felt the walls begin to close in every step Rafe took.

“Please! Just let me go!” she felt tears burn in her eyes. “Now now, don’t cry,” Rafe cooed, brushing a stray tear from her face. The wall was right in front of her now, sucking her air out. Y/N began gasping.

“I haven’t got laid in awhile,” Rafe said. Y/N’s stomach dropped to the ground. Even Topper seemed to release his grip a bit. “Wait, bro--” Topper started. “Might I remind you Topper,” Rafe cut in, “Her idiotic boyfriend put a gun to your head, and that long-haired surfer friend of hers stole your girlfriend.”

Y/N let out a choked sob. “Please,” she flailed again, but Topper still didn’t let go. Y/N literally screamed as Rafe grabbed her hips, allowing her to shirt to ride up a bit, his hands grazing over her exposed skin. “Stop!” Pope jumped up, but was shoved off by Rafe. “Dude seriously. This isn’t cool,” Topper cut in, releasing Y/N. Rafe ignored him, pulling Y/N up off the ground and digging his hands into her waist.

“Pretty hot for a Pogue,” he whispered in her ear. Y/N’s eyes were watering as she took shallow breaths. Y/N let out a blood-curdling scream as Rafe placed a chaste kiss on her neck. She fought, scratched, kicked, flailed, trying to get out of his grasp. Her lungs burned and she felt like she was being crushed.

As she tried to let out another scream, Rafe clamped a hand over her mouth and she felt like she was drowning. “Dude!” Y/N faintly heard Topper. “Rafe, c’mon man! Let her go!” Pope yelled, struggling to get up.

In a matter of seconds, though, Rafe was ripped off Y/N. “Get the fuck off!” a familiar voice shouted. But, it wasn’t the voice she was looking for. “Rafe, what the fuck?” a girl’s voice shouted. Sarah. Y/N was sobbing and trying to take in air, but she couldn’t stop trembling.

“Hey hey it’s okay,” someone’s hand was on her back. Kie.

“Bro! Bro!” there was a lot of shouting.

“John B! Get off, you made your point man!”

“Let’s go!”

Y/N saw two blurred shapes running away from them. A familiar figure approached her. “JJ?” she gasped. “No, no, it’s me, John B,” he said. Y/N flinched away and started crying harder. She just wanted JJ.

“No hey hey you’re okay,” Kie’s voice rang out in her ear. Sarah knelt down on her other side and helped her up. Y/N’s lungs were on fire and she still found herself being suffocated by the walls. “Where’s…” Y/N gasped, more sobs coming out. “I--I don’t know, but we should get back to the boat. He may be there waiting,” Sarah said rubbing her arm gently.

Y/N cried harder, collapsing into Kie. John B went to help but the girl shot him a look telling him to stay back.

“All...” gasp. “I want…” gasp. “JJ…”

With the help from Sarah, the girls managed to get Y/N back to the boat with John B and Pope trailing after them. JJ was not back yet.

Y/N collapsed onto the ground in a corner, jumping away from all of her friends who were trying to help. As they tried approaching her slowly, all the girl felt were the walls getting tighter. Sadly, none of the Pogues really knew how to help her besides JJ. They had never seen her in this particular state.

At this point, Y/N was struggling for air as if she were drowning and was on the verge of passing out. “Guys, guys, back up,” Kie said. “We’re making it worse.”

“But how are we supposed to get her to stop?” John B snapped, running a hand through his hair. “Where the hell is JJ?” Sarah said looking around.

The group all tried reassuring Y/N from a safe distance, but nothing seemed to work.

“Yo! You will not believe how well these old guys tipped!” the voice they were all waiting for yelled on the dock.

“They gave me like--whoa what happened? When did you guys get--” JJ stopped in his tracks at the sight of all of his friends circled around his beat-up girlfriend. What the hell? Why’s her pretty face damaged? He started fuming.

JJ immediately shoved past Pope and Kie towards the girl in the corner.

“Hey! Hey! It’s me,” he said, not hesitating as Y/N tried backing away. As if something in her mind clicked, her body went limp as JJ pulled her into his chest, leaning himself back on the wall. Her breaths were still straggled and she was still trembling but she quit fighting.

“Hey, Y/N,” JJ said softly. “H-hey,” she tried taking a breath, but it caught in her throat. “Shhhh,” he held on to her tighter, wrapping his arm around her head and putting her ear to his chest. “Listen to my heart, and breath with me.”

The Pogues watched silently in awe as Y/N began breathing normally.

“Good, keep going,” JJ encouraged kindly. John B had never seen JJ this way, but he really saw how close the two actually were. He pulled Sarah tight to his side.

“You wanna tell the group what we’re gonna do when we go full Kook?” JJ asked, glancing down at Y/N before looking up at their friends. He felt Y/N flinch after he said the word Kook. His gut turned at the thought this was brought on by a Kook.

“Never mind,” he said quickly. “Tell them about that dream you had of us. Off the island.” He knew his friends were studying him closely. They’d never really seen this side of him. He was always coping with his own problems in his own way, but this was how Y/N got to see him. JJ let his guard down with her the most. And while he loved to joke around, get stoned, wasted, and all that, he was still human.

Y/N slowly nodded, her breaths becoming more even. “I--I had this dream,” she started with a shaky voice, “JJ and I were in a uh little house, away from here.”

Sarah clung to John B as tears welled in her eyes as she watched the girl in JJ’s arms. She always saw Y/N as this tough Pogue who wouldn’t take shit from anyone regardless of her own problems. She never knew Y/N struggled like this, and it broke Sarah’s heart.

Kie had a faint idea of what Y/N was really struggling with but she had never seen her friend in this state. The sight of her, curled in JJ’s arms, trying to talk about something that was for certain extremely personal between the couple, made her heart break as well.

“W-we had a little house, and two blond headed boys running circles around us,” Y/N cracked a weak smile as the group let out a light laugh, the tension finally breaking. “And you,” she raised a more steady hand pointing at John B and Sarah, “you two would come over for dinner with your girls and we’d watch Kie and Pope on the news being superstars.”

“That sounds wonderful,” Sarah smiled.

Y/N, at last, took a deep strong breath. Color was already returning to her face as she slowly regained her composure. John B and Pope went to untie the boat and soon enough, they were on their way back to their side of the island.

JJ didn’t release Y/N, but looked to Pope for answers.

“What happened?” he tried holding in his anger for Y/N’s sake.

“We were taking the stuff up to the club and Topper and Rafe came up,” Pope said slowly. JJ felt Y/N tense under his arms and he gave her a reassuring squeeze.

No one dared speak a word as to what happened next.

JJ got the hint, though. “Then?” he pressed.

“R-Rafe,” Y/N started, and he was shocked to hear her talking about it. “No, no, you don’t…” the words died in JJ’s mouth. “He, he tried--”

JJ knew immediately. Y/N felt his body go rigid and didn’t say the words. She didn’t even want to think about it. “I’ll kill him,” JJ hissed.

“John B about did,” Kie said. Sarah seemed to be looking away from them. Y/N knew what she was thinking.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Y/N said softly. Sarah turned to her with a sad look on her face. “But he’s my brother,” she whispered. Y/N shook her head, “He’s not you Sarah. Stop beating yourself up.”

“Y/N…”

“This is how it is for us Pogues. We’re all a little broken somehow. Well maybe except Kie,” Y/N chuckled a bit, leaning back on JJ who was still seething. Sarah gave her a small smile and sat down by John B’s legs. “Anyways,” John B continued, “Kie, Sarah, and I were getting ice cream by the course, and heard Y/N scream so we came and helped.”

JJ stood up completely knocking Y/N over. She shot him a glare rather than going back to hyperventilating. “Pope! Turn around! I’m going to rip his face off,” JJ snarled. “No,” Y/N said, standing up facing him. “Just forget it. Don’t give him the satisfaction.”

JJ stared at her in disbelief. “Are you kidding me?” he was trying not to yell at Y/N. However, the girl just stared at him with a raised brow. JJ stared back.

“What is going on?” Sarah asked.

“Shh, they do this all the time,” John B replied.

Soon enough JJ broke his gaze and sat down pulling Y/N back into his arms. Y/N had a triumphant look in her eyes as they continued on. “Oh my god,” Sarah laughed.

“Shut up,” JJ mumbled resting his head on Y/N’s shoulder.

Later that night, in the Chateau, Y/N and JJ were curled together in the small bed of the guest room. “Are you okay?” JJ finally asked after hours. Moments like these were saved for behind closed doors and just the two of them.

Y/N thought for a moment and then nodded. “I am now,” she said in the darkness. His arms gave her a little squeeze. “But, how,” JJ hesitated, “how can you let me hold you like this after what happened?” he asked shyly. Y/N rolled over to look at him in the darkness.

JJ’s eyes were swimming with concern. She pressed her lips to his, savoring his warm breath and body before pulling away. His kisses were always soft and sexy at the same time.

“Because you’re you,” Y/N answered, resting her forehead on his. “I’m still a guy,” JJ muttered. Y/N let out a laugh. “You don’t get it. You’re the only one I want. You’re the guy who knows me the best. You know how to deal with my problems. You’ve known me since we were literally babies. Sure, we’ve known John B for a long time, but he doesn’t know me like you,” Y/N said.

“But--” JJ started but was cut off.

“JJ, you’re the one I’m in love with and have been since as long as I can remember. I trust you with my life. Yeah, you baby me sometimes, but I’ve accepted that’s how it comes being with you.”

“I love you too,” he whispered.

It was JJ’s turn to place a kiss on her lips. She sighed, content at how soft his were. Their lips molded together like two puzzle pieces as he pressed his body closer to hers. She let her mouth open as he ran his tongue over her lips resulting in a low moan. His hands tugged her waist and pulled her on top of him just as they did plenty of times before.

This time, though, it wasn’t like they were going to have sex. It was more of a tender kiss. A declaration of their love for one another as cheesy as it sounds.

Eventually, they both turned up for air, and Y/N fell back next to JJ. He wrapped his arm around her again as she rested her head on his chest. “We’ll get out of here one day,” JJ said with a promise in his voice. “I won’t doubt that,” she smiled. “But I’ll kill Rafe first,” he said. Y/N laughed a bit again.

“No you won’t. Then you’ll go to prison, and I don’t want you to go to prison. Besides, Rafe is always tweaked. Everyone knows that,” Y/N snorted. “Well I’m always smoking weed,” JJ offered.

“Aren’t all the Pogues though? There’s a difference between weed and cocaine too.”

JJ groaned causing Y/N to let out another laugh. “You’re always so optimistic.”

“Yes yes I know,” Y/N giggled. “But I know you love it cause otherwise you would’ve dumped me a long time ago.” “I would never dump you. You’re too good for this place, Y/N” JJ mumbled squeezing her again.

Slowly but surely, the couple then fell asleep, content and safe from everything the cruel world would throw at them, in each other’s arms.

_______________________________________________

Not really sure I like the ending but it is what it is I suppose. It’s more about the story in the middle. Plus I really don’t think I’m good at writing endings so yea. Enjoy m’dears!

xoxo

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