#honestly this shit is even more blatant than i thought it was

[taeslarityy]

dirty laundry ༄ dave york one shot (18+)

-> pairing: dark dave york x female reader

-> word count: 2.8k

-> summary: it’s a hot august week at the york’s lake house, which also happens to be the week you and your husband got married one year ago. your father in law — dave york — finds you changing in the laundry room and decides to give you a celebration of his own.

-> warnings/tags: father-in-law dave york, infidelity, dubcon, NON-CON, age gap (reader is 21, dave is nearing 50), SMUT 18+, heavy degradation(whore, slut, bitch), humiliation, dumbification, unprotected piv, sir kink, rough face-fucking, forced creampie, talk of pregnancy, reader is under the impression that she endures forced impregnation, hair pulling, slapping, spanking, semi naive reader, dave is not a cutesy nice man in this.. he honestly has no concern for readers feelings or pleasure. so please, if themes like dubious consent + non-con + blatant cheating are not ur forte, protect ur peace and scroll away!!

-> a/n: okay okay hiiiii. when i decided to participate in @hellishjoel ‘s #hotdilfsummerchallenge, i had a few ideas in mind. one happened to be this! but i felt more comfortable writing for joel and was confident in what i had planned. basically, this is opposite of that. no fluff or happy ending.. or even happy anything. so i wanted to share! thanks again kylee for letting me participate <3 and thank you to my beloved dearest @sweetpascal for aiding me yet again, i love u 🤍

let me know your thoughts!

DARK CONTENT BELOW: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONTENT YOU CONSUME.

A huge part of growth, means acknowledging your mistakes.

When you failed your first semester of college, you knew it was from lack of trying and partying six days a week. So, you studied more and partied four days a week instead. When you slammed your brand new Mercedes into a flag pole, you knew it was from scrolling on Instagram which caused you to push accelerate rather than stop. So, you never went on your phone while driving again.

When you fell in love your sophomore year and decided to get married at twenty, you knew it was because you needed the well-off grad school bachelor, Daniel York. So, inadvertently, you settled. Now, a year later, you're sobbing in his family’s lake house bathroom because he somehow forgot that tonight was the eve of your wedding anniversary.

You feel like a complete and utter idiot. And for once in your life, you just might be. Staring at your reflection, you examine your appearance. You look effortlessly amazing today, after spending the day out on the boat. Hair, body and face all faintly sun-kissed. Your skin freshly shaved, legs and arms lathered in your favorite oil.

This was your final attempt to see if Daniel would stare at you with the same look of admiration he had so long ago. Your first attempt to ask him about starting your own family. Tonight was the night, and you were determined.

Briefly peeking out of the guest bathroom and down the hall, you decide you can rush into the laundry room only a few doors down. Everyone should seemly be downstairs, finishing up a game of Monopoly. You had the pleasure of winning two games in a row, pissing of the frightfully competitive York family. That’s when you decided to call it a night and head up to get ready for bed — bidding everyone a goodbye as you kissed your husband atop his head.

Wrapping your robe securely around your waist, you make your way towards the closed door and enter just as the dryer sings the most obnoxious 45 second tune that confirms the load is finished. Rich people shit, you mutter to yourself. Grabbing your bikini and sundress to hang up first, then laying out a sheer white silk sleeping dress with baby blue lace trim.

Looking back at the closed door, you conclude you should be fine to just throw it on before laying yourself out on your shared bed. Ready for your husband to see you so open and willing to be used by him. As your robe falls to your feet, a slight creek fills the silent space.

Whipping your head back and grabbing the nearest towel to cover yourself, you're met with an alluring glare from your husbands own dad. Your father-in-law, Dave York.

"Dave wha- what are you doing?" You question with a panic laced tone. Completely thrown off by the way he's leaning against the now locked door, hands in his wrinkle-free perfectly fitted black work slacks. His lack of response is louder than the faint trickle from the utility sink your bare-ass is pressed against.

Dave saunters over to you, his pristinely polished shoes clinking heavily with every step despite the minimal weight he's using. It's a commanding presence, shows how he doesn't have to storm over to establish authority. His handsome body towers over you and the faint hairs on your spine rapidly rise at the feeling of his warmth nearing your own naked body. Aside from the small washcloth that covers your crotch and arm across your heavy tits.

His veiny calloused wedding ring-wearing hand reaches next to you, finding the lace on your nightgown satisfyingly soft.

"Look at this, angel. Did you plan on wearing it for my inconsiderate son?" He remarks, looking into your wide eyes as his fingers continue to twist and feel at a piece of clothing that is filling you with an overbearing amount of embarrassment.

"I d- you weren't supposed to see that." The nervous confession brings a crooked grin to Dave's face.

"It's real pretty, just like you. Sexy even.... but I wouldn't waste my time putting something like this on for Daniel." Shaking his head at your frazzled state and utilizing that dismissive tone he does so well.

"W-why?"

Pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance at your innocent unknowing voice, Dave reaches a hand to slowly move your arm that's covering your plush chest. "Because, he left 10 minutes ago. Waved bye to me as I pulled into the driveway."

Now you're really fucking confused. Your husband never goes off without texting you to let you know, and why would he leave you alone at his parents home? Especially on the night prior to your anniversary.

"I don't understand. Did he tell you where he was going?" You probe at him, not processing the way his rough fingertips are skimming over your navel, up across your chest. Suddenly, you yelp as he pinches your pebbled nipple and grips under your adjacent perky breast. Your hand quickly grabs at his wrist, but he slaps it away — holding it at your waist.

"You really have nothing going on in that head of yours, huh? Just floating around being the perfect little wife for my son, is that right? Too stupid and blind to see that your husband cheats on you every living moment and only married you because you're nothing more than a sweet voice who’s gentle on the eyes." His painful out-of-pocket words paired with the twisting of your nipples has heavy tears brimming at your lashes. "Kind of him to make sure you're gentle on his old mans eyes too.... we always did share a type."

"Fuck you," you spit at him. You've never dared be rude to Dave, or anyone for that matter. But his condescending temper, sudden violations to your privacy paired with the already upsetting feelings you've been enduring today was a breaking point. As you rip your hand from his grasp prepared to rush out of the room, he grabs your throat in a vice grip. Landing a brutal smack on your cheek that causes your head to turn from the impact, just for him to use that same hand to yank your hair back to a straight position. Body now pressed against your own — you feel the washcloth protecting your femininity drop at your bare feet in terror.

"Hmm. Never heard you cuss before, sweetheart. Thought I taught my son to train his wife better than that."

A heavy tear streams down your now red swollen cheek, as you take in the hurtful message your father in law is clarifying. You're nothing but a piece of fuck meat, a trophy wife. But clearly not honored enough for your husband to use you. Humiliatingly, the way Dave's clothed body is up against your own, has your exposed cunt throbbing and leaking down your legs for him. You were good enough for Dave York, and that was an honor within itself.

"'M sorry," you murmur at the feel of his covered thigh spreading your leg and nudging into your soaked pussy.

Dave chuckles at your nearly cock drunk state, "haven't even touched you and your leaking on my dress pants. No wonder he keeps you around, you're just a perfect little slut willing to please."

"Y- yeaah," you sigh lightly humping his thigh, even though Dave didn't even ask a question. Something within you just wanted him to understand your body was his to use, despite both your sacred dedications to other partners. People so close to you. His son, your husband. Your mother-in-law, his wife.

He swiftly moves his thigh from between your legs, pinching your cheeks so they're puckered willing you to look at him with those glossed over doe-eyes he fucking leaks over. "Use that head and address me properly."

Your head swarms for a second, worried of his reaction to an incorrect title. Testing the waters, you whine, "yes, sir." The words muffled by the tight hold he has on your face.

With a sinister grin on his face, Dave pushes you down on the solid tile — hand still threaded through your hair to ensure your head movement is in his control.

"Look at that, your brain does work. Let's see about that mouth."

Yanking the zipper down, he pulls his semi-hard cock out and slaps it on your cheek, precum smearing slightly. As you eye his cock, you come to the realization that he's slightly bigger than his son at half mast, and you're gonna have to calm yourself to handle a monster like that.

"Are you gonna show me how good you take a cock down your throat? With those dick-sucking porn worthy lips?" Dave peers down at you. He has started to jerk himself to full length, his thumbs barely touching around his width.

"Yes, sir. I am."

The way your eyelids flutter up at him, so docile and unaware of just how vicious Dave intends to be on your needy body. It unlocks that fundamental primal male urge that he normally suppresses during sex.

"Open your mouth, bitch." As your tongue lolls out of your mouth obediently, a dribble of spit going down your chin to your neck to your tits gleams in the soft light. Dave grins as he stuffs two fingers in your mouth, touching at your sensitive uvula. You instantly attempt suppressing your rare gag reflex, body unprepared for his actions. "Nice job, knew you were meant to have your mouth filled."

Dave rips his fingers from you and smears the thick string of saliva across your face — slapping you across the face, rather gentle than before. As he grabs his cock and lines it up with your mouth, you inhale deeply. Seemly more aware of how Dave likes to be. Callous, straight-forward and dominant.

Before you can suck him into your mouth, Dave spits right on his cock — some of it landing on your moisturized lips — just to slam himself down your throat. Your eyes spring open looking up at him, polished hands gripping at his slack-covered thighs. You feel your left over slick on his right pant leg. The taste of his long day is heavy on your tongue as his balls nuzzle at your chin. You're overwhelmed with his scent. The hair at the base of his cock tickles your nose, stud piercing almost getting caught.

"Riiiight there, that's fucking it. What a real fucking whore."

Dave lets his head fall backwards, eyes on the ceiling as he feels you sputter around him, your spit dripping heavily down his balls and onto the tile between his legs. He's unsure on how long he looks upwards, until he feels the digging of your fingertips into him. When he looks down, your eyes are bulging — about to roll into the back of your skull. So he pulls off of you.

Your belligerent cough is almost too loud for comfort, so Dave jerks his cock and plops his full balls into your mouth. And like the eager girl you are, you suck them into your mouth. Licking at the seam between them, letting them bounce off of your tongue. You lick downwards, tonguing at his delicate perineum. That small but dirty act makes him groan loudly. Loud enough for someone on the second floor to hear.

Realizing he's getting too comfortable, he goes back to filling your mouth. Alternating between shallow fucking of the throat and just letting it bulge inside. His big hands wrapping around your neck to jerk himself through the thin hump of protruding skin.

When he hears the shrewd screech of his name from the mouth of his wife downstairs, he pulls out swiftly and yanks you up, hoisting your leg onto the counter. Prodding his cock head at your now unbelievably soaked entrance.

Your mind is hazy and disorientated concerning what's about to happen. You feel like you've barely had any time to process the fact that your father in law is treating you like a common street whore. So, when he pushes into you, a wailing shriek escapes you.

Dave slaps his heavy hand around your mouth from behind, pushing in balls deep but not before releasing a moan of his own.

"Better shut that mouth before I stuff something in there... good god. How is that cunt so damn tight? You're snug around me, guess you're not a slut after all. Tight pussy but loose throat, just how I like it."

Dave proceeds with his relentless thrusts into your aching cunt. You don't remember the last time you were filled so thoroughly. It makes you forget how fucked up this situation truthfully is.

As Dave's cock is slamming into your cervix over and over, you feel your lower stomach tightening. He feels it too. Dave has been holding in his orgasm since you first fell to your knees and gave him those fuck toy eyes. So before you can cum all over him, he grabs you by the neck from the front and puts your ear right by his mouth so he can relay his special message.

"My son told me you've been begging him for a baby... how sweet. You just wanna be a mama, huh? Or maybe, you think having one will fix your relationship. Just reminds me how stupid you are. If a kid could save a marriage, my wife and I would've been happy ever since she pushed that little shit out. But, I'm gonna make it even better for you, sweetheart...."

Dave pushes to the hilt as you cum around him, whimpering behind his hand. Eager to hear his words, simultaneously terrified.

"Gonna cum inside and get you pregnant myself."

You scream into his hand, trying to push him away from you, trying to get yourself away from his spearing cock. All your effort does is push him in deeper, your body going lax at how stuffed you are.

"Don't fight me, angel. Just take it..." You feel his warm cum spilling into you, your body quivering. "Good... so good. I already feel your body sucking up my cum.. eager for it. Eager to be round with your father in law's baby. What will it call me? Grand-dad?" He snickers into your ear as he releases your body. You just lay there, half your limp limbs hanging off the counter.

Dave watches his thick white liquid drip out of you, and down your inner thighs. He pats your ass and tucks himself back into his slacks.

"Don't worry too much. Daniel looks just like me, he'll never find out his kid is actually his half-sibling. That is unless you tell him. You want him to find out you were on your knees being a slut for his, daddy?" Dave questions you. You don't speak a word. Just staring at the piped detailing on the cupboard that holds all the scented detergents.

"Just go, please. So I can clean myself up." Those few begging words take the reminanets of your little energy.

Dave grabs your now wrinkly nightgown and robe, pulling you off the counter so you're forced to stand in front of him. Body spent, his finger prints have left slight indents on various parts of you that you're positive will bruise in the days to come. You realize now, there's no way your husband can see you uncovered for weeks.

"You're gonna put this slutty outfit on and walk your ass into his room, with my cum dripping down your legs. He's been waiting for you, sweetheart."

Your jaw drops at his demand. Disgusted yet your cunt clenches at the filth of it all.

"I thought you said he left?"

Dave just smiles at you like you're a mindless child. You almost fall to the floor in despair at the discovery of what a lying sick bastard Dave has revealed himself to be. You don't know what to do. You've caught yourself up in this twisted game and as of now, there's no way out.

So, you throw the soft lace over your head and run your fingers through your hair attempting to fix your appearance. As you unlock the door, Dave places a gentle hand on your waist and kisses the top of your head. You hear him inhale your scent before he pushes you out of the door and watches you meander to his son's room, a slight limp in your legs.

You look at him, distain on your face as you open the door to find your husband scrolling on his phone. With an arrogant look spread across his face — "Where have you been?"

Dave hears the click of the door lock setting in place. As he walks towards the stairwell, he can't help but laugh at the memory of his vasectomy he received many years ago.

thank you truly for reading! let me know your thoughts below or in asks!! reblogs are greatly appreciated <3

[saeist]

SAEIST WE NEED AN AFTER ARGUMENT FLUFF FROM OUR LOVER SAE

you and sae rarely argued.

obviously there were a few misunderstandings here and there but given that you two were adults, misunderstandings would often be patched up by the end of the day as communication is something sae values a lot especially with how most of the time, you two are in a long distance relationship with his profession and all.

sae would rather have things said right on the dot than to beat around the bush

however, communicating with the soccer super star sometimes isn't enough. especially when his stubbornness kicks in. when times are in drastic measures and you two are not on the same boat even after talking it out rationally, sometimes all hell breaks loose.

all because sae has a bad habit of ignoring you when your little misunderstanding that turns into a full blown argument that blows out of proportion.

it's very on brand of him to do so if you say so yourself.

one could say it's a force of habit given this is the treatment he gives his own manager when things aren't going the way he envisions it. but some could also say that sae is just a blatant asshole for acting like this at his grown ass age

now you might be wondering, what could you two argue about that ended up with sae ignoring you? well it's because sae can't just bite back his own tongue

you were telling him that he should take it a little slow with his trainings because intense trainings usually bring home an irritated sae that would quite literally berate everything he sees including inanimate objects such as your shared pet cactus

and sae being sae, he most likely have said some not very nice things that may have escalated into whatever predicament you two are in right now instead of compromising and working things out like you two normally would

hours have passed and it's just been silence in your shared apartment. if you listened closely you could probably hear a pin drop with how eerie quiet it was

you've already grown past the issue. in retrospect it was kinda nonsensical now that you were off the intense emotional high. now that you think about it, the whole thing that went between you and sae just sounded stupid

amidst these past few hours, sae would occassionally come out of his office to get himself a glass of water to drink or some shit from the pantry. literally anything he can get his hands on in the kitchen where he needs to pass by the living room where you were currently in

you can feel his gaze boring holes onto the back of your head whenever he was at the kitchen for like 10 seconds. you know that he was itching to talk things out with you but you know better that his pride was on the line

talk about egotistical, right?

it was dinner time when sae breaks. he honestly looks and sounds like a stray cat who just got drenched in the rain and needed to take refuge in your care

"sorry" sae murmurs, looking up from his plate to give you the look of defeat evident in his eyes

sae was sure for a while that you would be the first one to break the ice in this little cold war you two currently have going on. boy, was he wrong.

you thought it'd be time for sae to have a taste of his own medicine for a change. how it would feel to be the receiving end of his silent treatment

noticing that you weren't saying anything and continued munching on your food, he initially thought you didn't hear him clearly. so he clears his throat in attempt to catch your attention.

"i said i'm sorry" he coughs, putting down his fork as he waits for you to lift your head up to look at him in the eye while he was talking to you

silence.

sae's eyes widened. usually you'd accept his apology right away. you can't resist him, and neither can he resist you so what's with the sudden switch?

he waits a little more in case you were just busy digesting your food properly but a beat of silence passes by and you were now getting up from the table to put your dishes on the sink.

"y/n" he calls out, running after you to the kitchen. you barely even spare him a glance, maneuvering your way around him to get to the kitchen sink so you could start washing your plate

sae debates with himself if he were to call your name again but quickly realizes that you aren't going to respond any time soon. he sighs, dropping his head. looks like he just lost in his own game

instead, he gets this idea to just follow you around like a lost puppy.

to be frank, you were lowkey enjoying tormenting sae like this. it was too good to be true that he would be the one to grovel and get on his knees to beg for your attention. the way he is literally attached to your hip as you carry on with your daily night routine which should've included doing the dishes together, cleaning up together and his favorite part of the night– doing skincare together

but alas, why isn't it the consequences of sae's actions.

you two were already in bed at this point but still, you have not uttered a word to sae, who was right next to you, eyes glued to your figure, watching you like a hawk.

sae couldn't take it anymore. he doesn't want to end the day like this where you two aren't talking. it was already a hassle for him that you two didn't talk at all for the rest of the day.

not that he's gonna admit it but he misses you. he misses the way you would talk til his ears fall off. he misses your daily reports to him about whatever you did throughout the day when he was out in training. he misses the laughter in the air as you come up with a (not so) funny joke,

sae just misses you. he's not used to your silence and it's killing him

swallowing his pride, sae slowly takes it upon himself to wrap his arms around you, pulling you close to his chest

"look, i shouldn't have yelled at you like that earlier. you were just looking out for me and i've been a little preoccupied with trainings that it's getting to me. i'm sorry for being an asshole recently" sae sincerely apologizes, a hand carefully reaching to caress your cheeks

with a smile, you finally look up at sae, "took you long enough" you tease, poking his nose

sae releases the air he was holding in, now that you were finally talking to him again

"never put me through that ever again. i'd rather walk through a thousand needles than you ignoring me" sae nags, wrapping his arms around you tighter.

"now you know how i feel when you ignore me!" you retaliate, snuggling closer to him

sae suddenly kisses the side of your face. "i mean what i said though, i'm sorry for saying all those words. i know that you're just looking out for me. let me make it up to you, y/n"

you look up at him, shaking your head

"no, i totally understand that you have to go to trainings. it's fine, sae. just ease up on trainings so i don't have to worry too much for your well being. can't have my super star all worn up" you joke, nudging him in the slightest

sae smiles. what did he ever do to deserve you

"whatever. i'm still gonna make it up to you for always dealing with me"

"if it's you sae, i don't mind dealing with you at all"

[alittlebitofloveliness]

Misogyny in the fandom: let's talk about it

Not gonna lie, the level of interalized or even just blatant misogyny in this fandom is really disheartening sometimes. There is already VERY few female characters in the book, even fewer with speaking roles, and yet I see all of them being hated on in some way. People hate on Cherry for standing up for herself when Dally was harrasing her, and for not seeing Johnny in the hospital, which bullshit to begin with but also, you can't tell me that if the roles were reversed and Cherry sat down behind Dallas and starting talking about how stupid and classless greaser boys are, and Dally threw a coke at her, that the fandom wouldn't love him all the more for it. People hold her to this impossible golden standard, expecting her to literally be perfect instead of a conflicted and grieving teenage girl, when they embrace the flaws and give a lot more grace to much more violent and 'bad' male characters. It's a very 'boys will be boys' and 'girls mature fatser so they should know better' double standard that I really can't stand. Marcia gets a level of the same treatment, with people occasionally calling her vapid or shallow when the book makes it clear she and Two-bit actually really hit it off, and the number she gave him being fake was only Two and Ponyboy's speculation. But I digress. Moving on.

Misogyny and classism intersect when it comes to the few female greaser characters we get a little insight on. So many people LOATHE both Sandy and Sylvia because they're cheaters, but honestly, how is cheating worse than stealing? (And don't pretend they steal because they need to survive Ponyboy makes a point of claiming Two-bit doesn't really need or want half the stuff he shoplifts) How is it worse than jumping little kids? How is it worse than sexually harassing girls? How is it worse than the plethora of immoral or illegal activities the greaser guys partake in? If we're being 100% honest, it isn't. "But-but Sandy cheated on Soda, who really loved her". Yeah, she did. That was shitty of her, I'm not defending that, but she was also a sixteen year old girl in a tough situation she was trying to navigate the best she could. She could have lied and told Soda it was his and trapped him in a marriage raising a kid he definitely couldn't afford if she wanted to- but she didn't. Hell, she told him the truth and he was still ready to do that and she wouldn't let him. I don't think those are the actions of a completely terrible person, I think they're the actions of a scared kid who did some shitty things, but is trying her best and trying to do better. At the VERY least they're the actions of a multifaceted character who deserves the same level of grace and insight afforded to the male characters. (If anyone wants to read more of my thoughts on Sandy and her narrative importance, I have a post here). There's also something to be said about the poor 'greasy' girls facing harsher vitriol than the soc girls, and while part of it is because of Ponyboy's biased narration, it's clear to see that readers very much took his views at face value. Soc girls are 'good girls' and have to be perfect to deserve credit from the fans, but greasy girls are 'trashy' so it's ok for them to be judged and shit on. Spoiler alert: it isn't.

Sylvia is similar to Sandy in that her cheating and 'loose' behaviour earn her a lot of hate, which again, I'm not defending her cheating, but we need to give her the same analysis and benefit of the doubt given to Dally. Dally is NOT a good person. Ponyboy says this and makes it clear plenty of times. He's a hurt character, so we can explien why he is the way he is, but he isn't a GOOD character. he values loyalty, so he never cheated on Sylvia, but it's clear based on how he treats Cherry and casual comments he makes that he doesn't really respect women. I can't imagine Sylvia's experience dating him was one where she felt very adored. Again, not an excuse for cheating, but I can understand WHY she'd try and take back power within a dynamic and a society where she never had any, and I don't want to vilify her for that. She's also a poor woman growing up in the sixties- the book makes it clear life is hard enough for poor guys griowing up at that time, but it was probably equally if not more hard for poor women. I think, like the gang, she does what she had to to survive. If you can understand why the gang does bad things, and still be humans who can be considered good, you can extend the same understanding to Sylvia (and Sandy.) I think people need to also keep in mind that everything we know ABOUT Sylvia (and the rest of the female characters) we know from Ponyboy, a fourteen year old boy who's narration is INCREDIBLY biased and who doesn't have the full details of any of the relationships in the gang. Ponyboy sees Sylvia and Sandy as these terrible, loose women who have hurt people he cares about, so a lot of the fandom does too, but it doesn't change the fact that by doing so you're accepting and embracing Ponyboy's internalized misogyny and making it your own.

Anyway, I don't think I'm articulating this as well as i want to, and i spoke a bit more about this in this reply to one of the posts on the confessions page, but yeah, I just wish people could accept that fact that if they bend over backward to find ways to defend or explain immoral actions from male characters, but refuse to even attempt to do the same for female characters, they've probably internalized a bit of misogyny they should maybe work on.

[foliosriot]

NOAH AS YOUR BOYFRIEND

nsfw headcanons under the cut! 18 only mdni or i’ll block you

SFW!!

he is so down bad for you it’s not even funny

but he isn’t always super obvious about it

(he’s gotta keep his “cultish” persona in check one way or another, right?)

seeing you in his hoodies is more attractive to him than anything else

just seeing in his clothes is so fucking hot to him

he isn’t a huge fan of pda but will always make sure he has a hand on you one way or another

whether that’s holding your hand, a hand on your lower back, thigh, etc

it keeps him calm

a teddy bear and is very cuddly

bc of his blatant perfectionism, he is very keen to the finer things and minute details

even if it seems insignificant to you, that doesn’t mean it is to him

he has everything memorized, from your favorite snacks and movies and songs and books, and he knows your go-to orders from various different restaurants

he wants to know you more than anything

he’s such a good listener!!!!! he could listen to you talk about whatever is on your mind for hours

again- he wants to know you, plus he loves your voice so much

runs samples and lyrics by you to get your thoughts, bc your opinion matters to him more than almost anyone else’s

while on tour he constantly texts you and checks in on how you’re doing

you’re his rock and he would destroy himself if it meant you would be happy and content

such a good kisser and overall lover (do not fucking @ me i feel it in my bones)

NSFW!!

this boy loves soft, slow sex more than anything

he loves being so close to you and feeling your body pressed up against his

when it’s one of those days, he loves having you in missionary or riding upright

that way, he wraps his arms around you nice and tight and moves your bodies in unison and you end up just losing yourselves in each other

the extensive skin on skin contact calms him down, especially if he’s getting pre-tour jitters

he is so gentle with you and so loving

he is the faithful acolyte and you are the alter at which he worships on his knees

(i love soft noah with a burning fiery passion but let’s get to the hot motherfucker now hehe)

he will rail you til his heart’s content

will also drive you in to the mattress (he can and sure as hell will)

he fucking loves edging you it’s not even funny

we’ve all seen the control he has over crowds, but when it’s just you? you’re fully convinced he could get you to do remotely anything

definitely loves praising you and shit but loves degrading you almost just as much

and we all know it, we’ve all seen it so this honestly is no surprise:

he loves eating you out

he would die happy if he were suffocated between your thighs

[meggiesposts]

i love your monoma posts they give me reason to live 😭 if u get the time, i think a funny premise would be if the reader was thristing over monoma (to like… an unhealthy extent), and he just can’t pick up on it?? like he’s calling them and their friends 1-A losers n shit and the reader is giddy over the fact that he’s just talking to them lol. maybe kendo can break the news that the reader has a giant crush on him and he like… doesn’t know how to act at all. he can’t tell if he should give them mercy and be nicer to them or call them out and be a little bitch about it 🤭

WARNINGS ⚠️ : reader thirsting, Monoma (kidding I love him), kendo being done w Monoma, reader being kind of a pervert, tried to make reader gender-neutral, a kiss, delusional Monoma

DONE

They are done.

Class 1-A is officially DONE.

Done with your bullshit.

Every time he comes around you go insane. So insane that you’ve said to his face that you would take him out on a date if he would let you.

His response? “Why would anyone go out on a date with a 1-A loser?”

They were done with listening to you thirst over the man that hates their guts. Mina was done listening to you choke over yourself with how much you want him.

Honestly she can’t listen to it anymore- listen… she loves you. More than anything in the world. But if you don’t stop- she’s going to burn your tongue off. She can’t hear your reasoning anymore either-

“But Mina- his arms-”

“I swEAR TO GO-”

She’s done.

She’s tried to talk to you about it too. What do you actually see in him, Ya’know? To be fair, you gave some valid reasons.

His eyes being the color of the ocean and his hair in line with the sand. His smile- taunting or not- was indeed- maybe, on some molecular level- attractive.

He also had potential to become a great hero! Seriously, he did! But oh- oh god his mouth. Every time he opened his mouth- all she saw was thousands of reasons why you shouldn’t like him.

Hell- Aizawa had to tell you to knock it off a couple times- and god forbid that one time you got put in a sparing match with him. The collective number of groans that rang throughout class 1-A was comical.

You rode that high for weeks. Let alone the fact that you used it as a chance to get your hands on him. With the strength of your quirk that- unfortunately for him he could not copy- you sometimes just held him.

He of course didn’t notice- using bakugou’s quirk to fill the air with dust from exploded cement.

You even got to straddle him- to which you told him to yield. He didn’t.

But that knowledge was just for you.

Yet he remained oblivious.

The class can’t count how many times they had straight up watched you say he was hot and how many times you had asked him out- to his face- which he didn’t understand.

The people of UA didn’t know what was worse. Your blatant thirst for the man- of the fact that the man was such an idiot he didn’t see.

It was clearly starting to piss even you off.

So finally, Kendo had to take it into her own hands.

It was gruesome.

“Y/n likes you-”

“Of course they do- the 1-A’s should bow to us.”

“No- Monoma- y/n likes you like-”

“A god? I am one.”

*smack*

She looked deep into the eyes of the disgruntled man as he rubbed the back of his head. The intensity of her silent stare man his shiver as he cowered back.

“Listen to me Monoma. I am being serious. Y/n likes you. Like a married couple. Like a significant other. They want you to be their boyfriend.”

…

“You serious?”

She’s done.

Now Monoma is hit with new information as he dwells in his dorm lair. He laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling as he was stuck in his thoughts.

On one hand. Your pretty. Like- really pretty. Like walk into a pole on the street because he was starting at you busy. Your strong, fast, really smart… aaannnndddd you like him. A major plus if you will.

But- you were in class 1-A. Could he even date someone in class 1-A after trashing on them so much?

He couldn’t decide yet. So he let it sit.

Unfortunately for him, due to his new knowledge of you, he became hyper-aware of everything you did.

The comments, the touching, asking him out point blank.

Everyone saw the change in him too.

The way he suddenly got tongue tied when he stepped up to class 1-A and you made a comment on how he looked hot when he smirked.

How when paired together he was suddenly stiff and stopped communicating.

He was flustered.

Something that you realized. Something you were going to have fun with.

Oh and you did.

Any chance you got you touched him. Your hand flat on his chest or wrapping your arm around his waist, you did everything.

It builds and builds and builds of course. So the next time he sees you- he snaps.

You were just trying to get a drink after going to the bathroom. It was pure coincidence that he was out too.

To say you were shocked when you were suddenly body slammed into the corner was an understatement.

You stared, wide eyed at the boy in front of you at he fumed.

You stayed quiet, waiting for him to say something- anything really. But he doesn’t. Just holding you in place- breathing heavily with anger swirling in his eyes.

You couldn’t complain- no.

His face was so close to yours. His breath fanning your lips and his body continuously brushing against yours.

You finally broke.

“If you wanted me like this so bad, you could’ve just said so-”

Lips cut you off. Soft, warm- and you melt. Your arms instantly forcing him against you as you eagerly push against him. Your head is fuzzy, filled with him, everything is him.

His warmth, how soft he feels, his hair under your fingertips.

It’s driving him crazy how easily he drives you crazy.

When he finally manages to pull away, he’s disoriented. His hair is a mess, his eyes trained on your love-stuck eyes and your swollen lips.

It takes him a minute of the close proximity to get his head clear. He suddenly shoves you back against the wall again as he pulls a few steps back.

He swallows thickly as he tries to get his barring together. Straightening his uniform shirt he quickly points at you.

God that love-sick smile your wearing, it makes him sick. Sick in love- sick with vile he doesn’t know.

So he points at you and he says-

“Keep quiet about this. I-I can’t be seen with a 1-A loser.”

He doesn’t mean it. Not really.

But that’s okay.

You’ll steal these flustering moment alone where he moans into your mouth and clutches so tightly onto your hips while he lives in his beautiful delusion.

You’ll keep openly pining after him while he continues to hate on class 1-A.

It’s okay though. You know where you stand. So you’ll let him continue to loose his own mind figuring you out, not fully realizing the extent in which your all his.

OKAY THIS WAS RUSHED AND IM 50-50 WITH LIKING AND HATING IT BUT I LIKED THE ENDING SO IMA KEEP IT

[crazylittlejester]

Opinion time

honestly, I like the hero of time as much as the next person- OOT is one of my favorite games in the whole entire series and I love the characterization Jo-Jo gave him, but that doesn’t mean I can’t admit he’s an extremely flawed character

and I mean this in a good way, Jo-Jo wrote a character you can know did bad things and still like him /pos

but I didn’t like how, in the timeline parts, wind does confront and ask him “why did you leave?” And times only response is, in my own words

”I left it behind cuz I felt like it LMAO”

..????? yes he took percussions to make sure ganon “didn’t come back” (which.. he did, time knew the seal would break eventually. ganon literally screams out about how much he hates him and is coming for his descendants)

leaving an entire world behind to rot is just written off as “shit happens” and you can’t say “well time didn’t know what he was doing” because, at some point, yes he FIGURES OUT his actions have consequences /nm

Imagine being rulie, your entire world is a wasteland and you ask the guy who CAUSED its downfall “why does my land suck so much” he just goes “oops my bad”

in the child timeline he just fucks off, in the downfall timeline he dies, comes back, and says forget everybody else, he only really started giving half-a-shit in the adult timeline with twilight. We can see this with his blatant favoritism over him.

anyways this was me screaming at the clouds about how time isnt a cookie cutter hero, he’s flawed and he’s made mistakes and honestly? It makes his character better and more enjoyable. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk (feel free to give ur opinion on the matter)

okay sorry for any spelling mistakes or oddly autocorrected words, this was kinda a lot longer than i thought it would be alkjslkjs 😭

Okay this is an incredibly interesting perspective and I’m not sure I’ve seen anyone else with this exact take on Time. I have a much different view of his character and his actions, though it was nice to read yours! /gen

First off, I completely agree that Time is a incredibly flawed person, and that’s part of why I love his character so much. He is not perfect, he is not the best leader, he makes mistakes. I genuinely think that the only reason he’s leader of this group and why the others tolerate him being the unofficial official leader is because even they can acknowledge that Time is just the best person for that role. He is not a perfect leader, he is not and I don’t know if he’ll ever truly reach that, but looking at the other options, he really was the best for the role. (Warriors would’ve been incapable of fully separating the others from the military in his mind, Twilight wouldn’t have been able to go off as Wolfie without causing mistrust or doubt towards him in the beginning, and Legend simply didn’t WANT that. The only other person who possibly could’ve lead the group would be Sky, and while I do think that could work, Time has way more experience)

Time has made a lot of mistakes, in his games, in the comic, he’s not flawless. I think in the comic (LU) we most commonly see this through how he’ll say things that come across as incredibly flat, snappy, or a bit harsher than what was really necessary for the situation. And this is just something it seems like he’s always been like, at least with how Jojo characterizes him, because in that one sketch with him and Malon when they were younger, he said something that did very much come off as snappy/rude, and he immediately realized how what he said sounded and tried to make an attempt to apologize. In the most recent update, we see how his stress and emotions made him much snappier and harsh towards the others than he really needed to be. I’d even argue in some moments, when he’s talking about his past and we see parts of his past, he’s a BIT arrogant. He certainly isn’t that way anymore, or at least he’s not as arrogant, but we see some moments where he comes off ass a little full of himself, the one I remember the clearest is the expression on his face when he got into Gerudo Town and a bit how he was talking about it. He’s also able to admit his flaws and that he was too distracted and let that get in the way of him helping the others while Twilight was hurt

Where I disagree with you (AND THIS IS ALL MY OPINION AND MY INTERPRETATION) is on Time’s thoughts surrounding the whole timeline thing. I do not think he had ANY idea that he was creating a whole other timeline, nor do I think he really even had a choice. He was sent back in time in an attempt to stop Ganon from destroying everything, and I believe he’s spent all the years since thinking all he did was go back in time. I don’t think he ever even considered the fact that Wind’s timeline continued on without him there (screenshots taken from Timeline Talk 1, art credit to @/linkeduniverse)

He DIDN’T know what he was doing. He was like, 9-10 in the body of (roughly) a 17 year old, he was doing whatever he was told by Zelda, Rauru and the sages, the goddesses, whoever. And I don’t think ANYONE realized the consequences of sending him back in time like that. I genuinely think that this right here is where he realizes not only that the timelines split, but the timelines split because of HIS adventure/journey. And when faced with the idea that every time he used his ocarina he abandoned hyrule (kingdom) he seems horrified (also from Timeline Talk 1):

I also don’t think the others have any idea at all that Hyrule and Legend are on a separate timeline from everyone else. I think everyone who comes after Time on ANY timeline has heard of him, but Legend and Hyrule haven’t had the chance really to talk about their timeline with Time, at least not really like how Wind did. And even if they had, again, Time DIED in their timeline, which could not possibly in any way have been his fault 😭

So yeah, he did leave Wind’s timeline (which is the adult timeline), but he genuinely had no idea that it got ABANDONED. I think the way he was looking at is was like erasing and starting anew and not just writing over what was already written and leaving that there (if that makes sense). And even if he had realized he completely abandoned that time, I’m not sure it would’ve even been possible for him to go back, and if he HAD, there’s only one Time. Twilight either wouldn’t have been born, or he’ve been born in Wind’s timeline. Which raises some INTERESTING theories because if Twilight had been there, would his game have happened? If it HAD, would Wind even be a hero? Given that whole theory that Wind doesn’t even have the hero’s spirit and he CHOSE the hero life instead of the other way around. That’d honestly be so interesting to explore!! I kinda wanna write a fic on it

Time did was he was told to do, he did was he was guided to do by people older than him or who had more ‘power’ than him. He was around ten years old, I don’t think he had a “Lmao fuck this shit” attitude when timeline hopping, I don’t think he understood he was timeline hopping at all. He didn’t understand what he was doing and he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, he was just trying to survive, and I’ll even bet he really thrived on what little acknowledgement and appreciation he got for saving hyrule (kingdom) because he seems (to me at least) like after losing the Great Deku Tree and the Kokiri he was REALLY lonely

And yes, he definitely for sure has a soft spot for Twi. But aside from Twi JUST being his descendant, I think Time feels bad that Twi followed after him in the hero business. He probably realized Twilight was descended from him and then really LOOKED at him and saw everything that young man went through and Time probably felt AWFUL. And after realizing that Wind’s entire timeline suffered because of something he did, I’m sure he feels the same way towards Wind. Because he may not be Time’s blood, but he’s a KID and he’s been through so much. Also there could be an argument made that Time is such a hoverer around Twi rn because he was hurt. I’m sure Four could’ve been the one who was hit and Time would be hovering over HIM instead

TL;DR: Yes Time is incredibly flawed. That’s what makes him interesting, that’s what makes him a good character, I wouldn’t like him very much if he were perfect alkjslksj. But I do not think he intentionally abandoned the other timelines, nor do i think that has anything to do with why he seemingly favors Twi. He was a kid, I don’t think anyone understood what was happening. I think if Wind had never spoken up, Time never would’ve known

(also Timeline Talk 1):

but thanks for sharing your perspective! It’s always interesting to see the different ways we see the same character :) /gen

[captainclickycat]

So while we're on the subject, here are some other thoughts.

I found Neil Gaiman's online presence - and the more overzealous members of his fanbase - annoying. And please stay with me here, I promise this isn't me trying to be smug or claim I "knew all along" or anything. There's a huge gulf between finding someone a bit annoying and thinking that their behaviour online is less than stellar occasionally and suspecting them of being a sexual predator. I don't think there could have been any way of me "knowing all along" without reading everything in the worst possible faith, which I'm not willing to do and which I maintain is not a good or helpful approach in general. And to people who genuinely looked up to him and felt completely blindsided by the news, I'm really sorry. It wasn't your fault and I hope you can do something kind for yourself today.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. I didn't like the way he handled criticism of his work, a lot of the time. I don't think creators are obligated to personally listen to and address every negative opinion of their work, or explain every individual aspect of it that someone disliked. But I felt like a lot of his responses to feedback tended to lean into and encourage praise, while being a little disingenuous and sometimes belittling towards criticism. (And really, why feel the need to respond to everything when you could just ignore it?)

I didn't like the way he always felt the need to weigh in on fandom debates or throw out "word of god" explanations for this or that thing, including when nobody even asked. (Want to know who inspired the "I don't care what the author said" comment in my bio? Take a guess.) Especially when some of them felt engineered to paint him and his work in the best possible light.

Again, I'm not drawing attention to all this in an attempt to claim any one thing was a blatant red flag or must have been down to some sinister motivation. That's not the point I'm trying to make.

But it is one of the reasons that I was always deeply uncomfortable by the culture of hero-worship and "touch not god's anointed" that always seemed to exist around him. Like regardless of whether or not you thought this or that criticism against him was warranted, the way people would treat him like some kind of messiah who deserved nothing but praise and lose their absolute shit whenever anyone said anything remotely negative about him was absurd. Nobody deserves that, regardless of what they've done.

But at the same time... you know, I liked his work. Not just "I liked the stuff he co-wrote with someone else" or "I liked the films and TV shows he worked on with a whole bunch of other people." I liked the books he wrote by himself. They had some parts worth criticising, sure, what doesn't. But overall I thought they were well-written and funny and thought-provoking and I enjoyed myself when I was reading them. Neverwhere is the first book I had a crack at re-reading in a different language, which should tell you how much I liked it. And I didn't even dislike everything he posted on the internet. I thought some comments were pretty funny and/or insightful. I even reblogged the odd post.

And I wasn't all that vocal about any negative feelings I had towards him, because... well, frankly because a lot of the negative feelings I'd seen expressed by other people about him tended to look like "he's the devil incarnate, his work sucks, he's the worst person alive and he secretly hates every marginalised group and people should feel ashamed for sincerely liking his stuff."

And I didn't agree with that either! I didn't want to be roped in with those people. I didn't feel comfortable around them, any more than I felt comfortable around the Neil Gaiman Defense Squad, Working Tirelessly Day And Night To Aggressively Stamp Out Any Criticism Of Our Lord And Saviour.

And honestly I'm not entirely sure what kind of broader point I'm trying to articulate here, or whether I'm just working through stuff in my head. But I will say that this kind of polarising, zero-sum-game approach to criticism is... bad. It's just bad. It makes it so people are reluctant to put forward any kind of nuanced stance, for fear that they'll end up getting pigeonholed into one oversimplified category or another, or it ends up pushing people towards one extreme stance or another out of sheer frustration or contrariness. And it makes it incredibly difficult to have any kind of actually productive debate when it comes to criticising media, or criticising creators. Inevitably people's hackles are going to be up whichever side they lean towards more, and a lot of people with valuable input will inevitably end up going "yeah, I can see how that's a good point, but also the last person who brought this topic up with me deemed it appropriate to send me a barrage of messages telling me to kill myself about it, so forgive me if I'm not interested in engaging any further."

Obviously a culture of hero worship inevitably makes it a lot easier for predators to operate, and I have no doubt that being inundated with messages about how wonderful you are and how everyone who's criticising you is in the wrong must make it a lot easier to rationalise your actions. But I feel like this tendency to paint everything in terms of "are they a pure uwu blameless smol bean angel OR the devil incarnate" is incredibly unhelpful regardless of what side you come down on. The "devil incarnate" crowd can be part of the problem too.

[lexcellence]

When I heard Gerry Duggan get asked on Cerebro, white boy to white boy, about the unfortunate optics of announcing and then immediately murdering the least white team of X-Men in years, I knew we'd be in for some shit. Man, did he deliver - after some evasive waffling about how ORCHIS is meant to be fascist, and how the story's point is to put the collective back of mutantkind even more against the wall than it was any of the last six times something like this has happened.

And, honestly? That's fair! This year's Hellfire Gala is ultimately the first part of a larger story, and history shows it's not going to last forever — hell, does anyone remember what the status quo was immediately before HoXPoX? At least this time most of the characters have implicitly just been sucked into Mother Righteous's magical Poké Ball, rather than outright killed; if anything, that's an improvement. I was fully content to just think "hey, not for me," and get back to ignoring everything beyond Immortal and Sabertooth, secure in the knowledge that certain topics are bound to be handled poorly when almost everyone in the room is white, when Duggan said three words that stopped me in my tracks:

"Keep the faith."

See, that struck me, because for a lot of us, this entire era of comics has been about nothing but faith. I've been reading X-Men, and engaging with fans since I was eight, and I've never seen the kind of collective buy-in from other marginalized readers that I have with Krakoa. X-Twitter (or, I suppose, X-X) has been Blacker, queerer, more disabled, less homogeneous than the fandom has ever been, all of us buying in to the implicit promise that this time things would be different. Sure, the line was headed by a presumably straight white guy, but there were other voices in the room for a change, and it really felt like they were going to be listened to. We thought we'd moved past clunky metaphor, past queerbaitimg and awkward racial gaffes. Storm and Kwannon were getting to do stuff, Arakko was full of amazing characters of color, Cyclops and Wolverine were probably fucking, we were hooked, and we turned out.

It's hard to overemphasize just how wild this was to see in real time. X-Men has always been allegory, sure, but it's traditionally allegory by and for the majority. For years, the readers who might really feel that resonance, those of us who have been hated and feared for the unforgivable crime of being who we are, we were afterthoughts, tolerated at best. We got scraps, "representation" from creators who seemed to be offended by the implication that we would ever want something other than being fetishized tokens. We were, as Hickman so succinctly put it, told that we were less when we knew we were more. And then, out of nowhere, Krakoa made us inescapable.

The two biggest X-Men podcasts, X-Plain the X-Men and Cerebro, are hosted by queer people. X of Words has been rocking the Black, queer experience like no one's business, Mutant Watch has been a joy to listen to and to be on. Not just podcasts, either, in everything from criticism to fanart to cosplay, voices have been elevated that were previously silent. I mean, hell, I've gotten paid to talk about comics, that shit never would have happened four years ago.

All of that was based on faith.

Faith that we were being celebrated, for once, instead of just used. Faith that for whatever growing pains there might be, things were going to be better.

And let's not fuck around here, there were growing pains. In the first year alone we dealt with everything from blatant whitewashing, to queerbaiting — any Sunspot fan can go into detail there, assuming you can get one of us to stop crying for long enough. While that was going on, we watched Bryan Edward Hill (the only non-white writer in that initial wave) put out a book that was, let's face it, at worst aggressively mid, only to be excoriated by certain portions of the fandom, and dropped by the office, while significantly worse books managed to hold fast — er, hold on. Not to say that Fallen Angels was without sin, mind you, the book was packed with enough orientalism to make Chris Claremont blush. But, at the same time, Wolverine's first year ended with him doing what he does best: trying so hard to be Japanese that I had to check to make sure he wasn't Marvel's editor in chief.

Through all of that, we kept the faith.

Things didn't really get much better, of course. Arakko was a fascinating concept, and felt like it damn near doubled Marvel's characters of color. And yeah, the ending of X-Factor was one of the most poorly handled racist messes I've seen this side of… well, any given day on Twitter. Sure, the whitewashing has never stopped, to the point where everything from X-Corp to this week's Hellfire Gala has had to be hastily edited between previews and release. Maybe we keep dealing with stuff like butchered AAVE, even more queerbaiting, Kate Pryde's funeral, the genocide of almost all of those Arraki characters, and whatever the hell was going on with Lost in Way of X. Maybe there's a very real argument to be made that there's something insidious about three straight years of voting to determine if characters like Monet (who, by the by, has been retooled from "basically Superman" to "Black woman with anger powers") deserve the honor of being written by a white man who's stayed writing with his foot in his mouth. I mean, hey! All my white friends in the scene say he's nice, just like Williams, or Howard, or any number of other crusty crackers who are still proud of tripping over the bar Claremont left on the floor in the 80's!

And dammit, we kept the faith!

Even before the issue dropped, the Fall of X has had a lot of us wary. After all, all of the promotion leading up to it has been white guys saying the minority allegory has had it too good for too long, which, whatever, press copy. We all know they've gotta sell books — they, in this case, being the almost exclusively white, almost exclusively male creative teams attached to all of the books in the line. Sure, as Duggan said, the 616 has a fascism problem, but it’s hard not to see this as a deliberate step back from the almost double digit number of non-white creators these past few years — almost as if Marvel has realized they can make space for a fourth ongoing by their favorite white boy if they just throw out a Voices special every couple of months as a containment zone for the darkies. And, hey, considering how good ol’ C.B. got his foot in the door, I can’t even fake surprise. At this point, it’s a minor miracle any time a person of color is tapped for anything that’s expected to last beyond one issue.

In this issue, as a reward for keeping the faith, we got to see something astounding, something that'd bring a tear to the eye of even the most cynical reader — a team that was only half white. My god. And sure, their brutal murder in favor of a team with Kate "Hard-Arrr" Pryde and the Kingpin(????) was only a pit-stop between the resurrection of the suddenly ashy Ms. Marvel and Lourdes Chantel being killed off for the sake of a white woman's angst yet afuckinggain, but ain't that the dream that Malcolm Ten or whoever died for?

The Krakoan era, ultimately, has been the same as every other. Empty promises by white men who show us time and again that there was never any point in expecting anything better. Any meaning we've found, everything of worth, has been what we've made for ourselves.

We've spent years keeping the faith, Gerry, while you and yours have continued to let us down. What the hell do we have to show for it?

[notedchampagne]

Honestly i also think that a lot of the romanticization of Ianthe vs infantilization/fear mongering of harrowhark is also that like... We don't really get to see Ianthe suffer the nastier parts of shit mental health. Like, we know she cries to sleep, for like a line or two, but we're not pressed against her intimacies and the inside of her head (hehehe pun intended) like we are with harrow.

It's easy to infantilize Harrowhark because we get to see her struggling, we get to see the thought processes that lead to her lashing out, we get to see her suffering through. Well, basically everything, more than we see her putting on the dignity, and even when we do, we generally get to see the lead up, or we are with someone who responds in kind (thanks gideon).

With Ianthe we basically *only* get the facade, even when the Issues Are Blatant, and even if when she lashes out she does her utmost best to seem in control, much like harrow. The other characters do Not Give A Shit, so neither do we, as readers, feel naturally inclined to it.

Plus like. I might be reaching, but sometimes i feel like tlt fandom needs a character to be "pathetic", or to suffer, in order to... Idk how to word this bc englishs not my first language, but essentially pay penance? In the fandom I see a lot of people who feel Uncomfortable recalling their fave did bad shit, and like, needing to either justify it for themselves or others by going "oh look how she suffers", essentially infantilizing their characters so they don't have to acknowledge the worst edges, which is a choice, I guess. They not only do this with Harrowhark, but also with Gideon, Pyrrha, Mercymorn, etc.

They also do the opposite, by rejecting the possibility of suffering for characters they consider evil, most notably with John. It's not possible for them to be over their heads, or for them to have made a mistake. Either they were deliberately planning it, or they deserved it somehow, or their actions *later* meant they retroactively deserved it, and may be pointed as the cause for it happening.

Which is... Uncomfortable, to say the least, even if I'm only latine.

anyways. TDLR: People should just say they look really fucking cool dripping with blood and determined. At this point ill even take an I support women's wrongs/woman's right to murder or whatever

Sorry for going in a tangent on your askbox or of this doesnt make sense its like nearly two am and i cant sleep

this is very real and leans into what ive observed in fandom as well! tlt is a house party full of morally gray characters but i feel like when we are panicked to discuss someone being "evil" or otherwise the two closest avenues are infantilization/reduction (i can fix him, theyre pathetic they cant do anything right im protecting them) or full villainy (i like them Because theyre evil, irredeemable, they deserved it so i dont care)

hope you sleep soon

[weixuldo]

Linecook Anakin HCs

pleaseeee i cannot get this idea out of my mind (maybe i’m just tryna romanticize my job lol) also lemme just say this list is hella unorganized ( just like my brain lol)

warnings: cursing, ani is a typical horny young adult, smoking; weed

Muscular arms, veins!!

Beautiful blue eyes look up at the screen to see the next meal prep (you imagine those same eyes looking up at you like that if you ever get him on his knees)

He always finds something to compliment you on (even though there’s not much room for expression due to the standard comply uniform)

He’s almost always working cause he wants money and honestly doesn’t mind the atmosphere of the kitchen. 

Plus weed isn't cheap and he likes to smoke :)

On breaks you’ll often see him out back smoking a cig or a vape (depending on his mood).

“You know that stuff is bad for you right?” 

“Yea, i dont really give a shit tho”

You roll your eyes, “well don’t tell me I didn’t warn you when you’re carrying around an oxygen tank in thirty years”

He sent a play sad face your way and exclaimed “That’s so sweet, you’re looking out for my health”

“You’re so full of shit Skywalker” you say as you go back inside.

Though, after that encounter you notice he started to chew a lot more gum and smoke a lot less

He flirts with other waitresses too, but you are definitely his favorite

Reaches stuff on the top shelf when you can't. 

“Need some help princess?”

Winks at you from behind the window

Before you got to know him, you were a little afraid of him

He’s honestly so good at his job that it’s scary- he rarely messes up an order and if it's messed up it’s usually ‘cause someone rang it in wrong.

He’d be messing around one minute then barking orders at people when it got busy- he was always so focused on whatever he was doing whether it be cooking the meat, tossing salads, making desserts, etc

You used to see him roll his eyes or talk shit to other waitresses when they didnt do something right. 

“There’s a button for that ya know-”

“You didn’t tell me no onions”

“Ring it in if he wants it that way- I got too many orders to keep up with the shit you’re tellin’ me”

But he seems to be nicer to you…

“Hey Ani- could I get no tomatoes on this please”

“Sure thing, sweetheart”

“There’s my favorite girl” he says when you walk into the back. 

Some servers get jealous of his blatant favoritism (he takes longer on their orders when they’re nasty to you)

The other cooks get along with him fine

You can often find them goofing around in the back

But they think he’s waaaaay too handsome for his own good.

“Why you workin’ here when you could be on the cover of a magazine?”

“He’s here cause Skywalker’s got terrible manners and no game” another cook laughed.

“the fuck I dont” Anakin responded as the rest of the cooks all laughed along. 

His coworkers like to tease him when they see how flirty he gets when you come around. 

Nicknames include: “Pretty boy”, “player”, “heartthrob”

The heat of the appliances mixed with the rush of the night end up giving him a sheen of sweat and a warm blush to his pretty face. 

Ngl, this man would get greasy by the end of the night…

Dried food, condiments,and oils staining his black shirt

By the end of the shift he would have a lingering smell of char from the grill as well as a combined smell of all the food in the kitchen and his own musk from his sweat.

But the blend of labored scents mixed with his cheap cologne and deodorant made for an oddly enticing aroma.

You would joke with him during closing about how bad he smelled, though deep down you knew you liked it. 

“Yea, well we can’t all be in the front smelling like daisies and sunshine” he joked. 

He thought you smelled nice? You had worked a full day too- there was no way.

You insisted you didn’t smell much better than him but he shook his head, “nah princess, I could breathe you in all day”

That may have been a little creepy coming from anyone else, but it was anakin… the hottest guy in the restaurant, the talented cook, the guy you had a huge crush on. 

He’ll saunter into the back while you’re rolling your silverware and chat with you

“Ugh, I’m so ready to ge the fuck outta here” he sighs.

“Tell me about it, today has been so long” 

“Have you atleast made decent money?” 

“Yeah”

He laughs

“What’s so funny?”

“I don’t know why I even asked if you made good money- I should know the answer to that when talking to a girl with such a pretty face,” he says, before slipping back into the kitchen, leaving you with a heavy blush. 

He loves when you’re on ice for side work because the ice machine is right by him in the kitchen 

He likes to watch your ass as you bend down to shovel the ice- if he’s lucky he catches a glimpse of your lacy panties as they ride up your hips. 

When it’s not busy he carries the bucket for you and revels in all of your adorable “thank you’s”

His least favorite side work for you is when you are assigned to the front house because that means you’ll be spending most of the night in the dining area rather than in the back with him. 

Asks what you’re doing on your day off. 

“Probably gonna get high with some friends”

His eyes widened, “you smoke?!”

“Occasionally”

“Weren’t you the one who told me i’d be toting around an oxygen tank?” he quipped and you rolled your eyes. 

“Chill out pretty boy, I mainly just do eddies”

“And you never told me this?!” he grabbed at his heart with a dramatic expression. 

With the new info he spends the next few days working up the nerve to ask you to smoke with him sometime. 

Lucky for him, you’re closing on Saturday and so is he. 

After you check out all of the other servers and do your side work, you head to your car but Anakin calls your name before you leave the kitchen. 

He invites you to hot box in his car before you go and to his surprise you agree (you had a rough night, so why not? plus he is your crush after all)

You get into his car and unbutton your top a bit, it was hot in the restaurant today. 

He turns on the AC and steals a glance at the lacy bra you have on. 

After passing around a blunt the two of you are getting up there; maybe it’s the delirium or maybe it’s the weed, but he is looking finer than ever

you can’t help but hold the blunt between your fingers as you lean across the center console and press your lips against his

he sucks in a breath in surprise before he returns the action.

soon you’re on his lap, grinding on his growing bulge as he runs his strong hands through your hair and all along your body

tbh, you don’t even care that you have open shift tomorrow- this is worth being sleepy

[lightgriffinsect]

OH MY GOD FINALLY SOMEONE ELSE WHO HATES COUGAR’S CONTENT

before he started making those weird shipping videos I actually liked his fnf comic dub but then he started making content farm shipping videos at first I didn’t mind until the thumbnails for the videos started becoming really suggestive

and yes I know fnf is not a kid friendly game but it got really annoying and gross that every tabi video is just him being harassed by that tall girl (I forgot her name) and most of the videos were giving toxic couples vibes like seriously why is tabi always getting paired with a bunch of female characters like what is this a love triangle anime????😭😭😭

it doesn’t help the fact that cougar's voice B3 boyfriend from the B3 remixed mod so with this shit going on it can cause the dev team to kick him off (I hope they does because honestly his voice doesn’t fit B3 boyfriend) and find a new va 

and now he’s making farm content videos of the smiling critters from poppy playtime by making them hot furry characters LIKE DUDE THOSE ARE CHILDREN TOYS WHY ARE YOU SEXUALIZING!???!?!?!?!?!

So yeah I hope someone can tabi away from this man

the tall girl you're referring to is Nikusa, the kinda-sorta villain(?) of FNF Entity. she's an awesome character who also doesn't deserve the crap Cougar put her through.

speaking of which, EXACTLY???? I never liked cougar's dubs at all tbh; even comics that I personally had read beforehand, which had no hints of romance or shipping whatsoever, became so uncomfortably sexual and harem-y the moment Cougar got permission to dub them. i imagine there were artists who didn't want their work cast in this light at all, and I just feel horrible for them. it's really gross.

and honestly??? FNF being a mature game has NOTHING to do with the overly sexual thumbnails and blatant disrespect of Homskiy's and other creators' wishes for their characters. that doesn't make it okay at all. it doesn't matter how family friendly an IP is, if it's popular, people who only value views WILL come up with the most disgusting clickbait garbage as long as it gets them attention. content farms will oversexualize the most innocent of child-friendly characters in order to get views. FNF being for older audiences doesn't make it better.

cougar's channel has become nothing more than one of these farms. he just happens to be using a former friend's beloved character as a mascot, which only makes it worse.

it reminds me of the downfall of Gametoons and EnchantedMob, ngl. they used to make awesome videos with genuine effort and well-thought out plotlines. now their content is in a similar state. it's disgusting. the fact that cougar has let his standards devolve to this is abhorrent.

every artist has boundaries when it comes to fanart of their work. for such a renowned person in the FNF fandom, with such a large platform, to NOT make sure he isn't crossing those boundaries, and in fact actively disrespect them, sets a terrible precedent for future "big" mod devs to follow.

cougar absolutely cannot get away with this. too many other people in this fandom have, but this is something everyone has borne witness to. it is 2024, and we're sick of seeing this. we want every scrap of what we have left.

i honestly hope the remaining mod devs are doing alright. i haven't talked about them much but their experience working on Vs. Ex is no less valid. it's sickening that cougar took advantage of minors to finish all the work on their own so he could slack off. again, an ADULT could not be bothered to handle anything of the mod development, so he left it all to the rest of the team that he was leading, most of whom were MINORS.

cougar must be held accountable for his blatant disregard for Homskiy's boundaries, breaking his trust and using his beloved character against him. no one should forget how he exploited his underage co-devs to dump all the stress of finishing the mod on them.

Tabi's character is beloved to not only Homskiy and the other devs who actually worked on the mod, not only the Entity creators, but to all of us. everyone in the FNF fandom who has gone out of their way to make art for Tabi, everyone who has cared enough to even praise this art, to seek it out, we know this character's worth. we are the ones who value him.

the same goes for Nikusa, and Ayana, and every other character that he's reduced to shipping fodder and suggestive thumbnail art. I just hope outsiders and people who only know them through cougar's "dubs" will understand the same.

[buds-and-baubles]

How do you feel about the comic “What’s So Funny About Truth, Justic, and the American Way?”

I always thought it was a little mean spirit to single out the authority when there were so many 1990’s anti heroes running around. Especially since the elite was much meaner than the authority. They wouldn’t abuse the carrier or kill innocent family members of villains just to send a message like the elite did.

hi! i had heard about this comic on the grounds that james gunn might be basing the authority movie off of this and your ask pushed me to finally read it and.. yeah.

there was a lot of things in it that i did not enjoy. there's clear nods to the authority especially considering its release in 2001, and considering some of their powers. not one hundred percent the same but if you compare you can see it.

i agree with what you said that the authority very much would never abuse the carrier, kill people to send a message, etc.

the authority care for the carrier a lot actually? because she's a living thing, after all. and never i mean never would they threaten to kill innocent people to send a message. like what the fuck?

the authority's main basis is fighting for a better world. defending it from world ending/multiversal things while saving people is their priority. a lot of the times at least to my perspective when they have killed it's a 'it's our last resort. we hate this. we wish we didn't have to, even if this person is evil as fuck'. discounting henry bendix that is but i think if more people knew him they'd understand.

how this comic also treated clark was.. ugh. yes, people will question superman and shit but it felt like a blatant beat down on his character over and over and that's frankly not fair? a lot of the world loves superman and wouldn't suddenly be like 'hmmm maybe not anymore'. having lois question him?

umm from what i know about her it just doesn't feel right. from bits i've seen she's always questioned everything as.. y'know, an investigative journalist, and has been a supporter of superman even before she knew it was clark.

keep in mind though before this i've never read for superman before this comic but the bits i've seen? this just feels outright mean to also his character too.

so overall it wasn't nice to superman, and if they're as based off the authority as i think they are then not nice to them. hell, they weren't even that nice to the elite either!

honestly, if they wanted to create a team that contradicts with superman's stance, they could've handled it way better on all sides imo. there are clear differences on the elite vs. the authority. people would not drop their opinion on superman that fast.

also if james gunn is using this comic for the authority movie i'm gonna use magic to turn him into a trout and hand him to a grizzly bear.

[ai-luni]

Virago

David “Hesh” Walker x Fem!Reader 

HELLO! It’s a blue moon and I return with a fic to cope with my random obsessions! Part 2

Word Count: 6.4k

Warnings: Blatant misogynistic comments and touches, canon typical violence, suggestive sexual content (which honestly might be illegal given the setting of the scene whoops), and of course bad writing. I’M NOT A WRITER! No Y/N

A/N: I’m in a massive COD Ghosts phase and there are barely any fics for my boy Hesh. So I had to fix that. This basically just follows the plot of the campaign. I got lazy and haven’t finished writing sin city but I want to write a part two so hang tight :)

Reader’s nickname is Virago

June 7th - No Man’s Land

It was a rescue mission when you met the Walker’s boys. You had heard about them a couple times, Elias wasn’t shy about sharing his once very domestic life with you. But now there was little time to think about it. In fact you thought about the dog more than you did the boys that day. But this mission wasn’t like your usual, Ajax wasn’t gonna last forever. 

“Alright, we don’t have a lot of time. You can stick with us but you do what I say - when I say it. Understood?” Merrick said to the boys. You joined Keegan’s side before heading out.

- 

“Got some stragglers on the road. Could be trouble.” The lot of you looking over a road through tall grass. 

“Keegan, Virago. Post up and keep us covered. You Walker boys are with me.” Merrick ordered and immediately you went off to find a position. Gun fire reigned loose and in a flurry of adrenaline and muscle memory, you found yourself at the gates of greenway park “Fireball Charlie” - what once was a baseball stadium - in under a couple minutes. 

“They’re moving him, we should go now.” The state you found Ajax in was enough to make your blood boil. You hadn’t served with him as long as the rest of the ghosts but you knew him well enough and you’d always fight for your team no matter what. 

“They’re moving Ajax, so our windows closing fast. We’ll hit him at home plate and work our way up from there.” Further orders given by Merrick once acquiring a vehicle. You sat in the back aside Merrick and Hesh. One hell of a ride, you often questioned if Keegan even had a civilian licence. 

“Weapons free!” Once more the hell fire began and you ran through another gate. The German Shepherd who stared at you with wide adoring eyes only moments before leapt through the missing windscreen onto a federation soldier. 

“Holy shit.” A comment of fear and intimidation and excitement all swirled together at the sheer ruthlessness of that dog. It was the first thing Hesh heard you say all mission.

“Yeah.” You turned to see Hesh by your side. You figured he was the dog’s handler. He seemed proud, he should be. 

“Ajax is through this atrium! Move! Move! Move! Hurry before more guys get in.” Merrick took cover behind a barrack, “Virago, get ahead as far as you can, weapon hold. We’ll keep you covered, keep us posted.” 

Jumping into action, you took yourself along the edge of the open aired arcade to a flight of stairs. The fastest steps your tactical gear would allow you to take without winding yourself. Gun held close to your chest with light steps avoiding fire. You could hear the team, slowly but surely following in your steps. 

Through a roofed arcade and another flight of stairs you made it to a closed set of double doors, chatter coming from the other side. 

“This should be where they were holding Ajax, one flight of stairs, shouldn’t be a difficult run.” You notified them while waiting beside the door hinges ready to take cover or fire. 

“Almost at target, let’s mop up!” Merrick’s yelling could almost reach you over the gunshots. You took out a couple soldiers out over the railing, covering the boys as they made their way up the stairs. 

Logan pulled out the remote sniper, the moment you heard a fire, Merrick sent the go signal. 

“Twelve o’clock! Twelve o’clock!”

“Runner on the left!”

“Clear right!”

“Clear left!”

“Room Secure!”

Once cleared, you passed the soldier left on the ground. Poor guy got Keegan yelling at him by the balls. You knew he’d take this harder than anyone else, he and Ajax were close. 

“Where is he? Where did you take him!”

Careful and ready for fire, you tread through the blown out room. Logan by your side as you halt before a steep slope. There was an obvious trail from that slope through the stand and down another tunnel entrance. You turn to your team noticing the other walker boy pulling his dog away from the soldier for Keegan to finish off. You beckon him over.

“Bring the dog, there’s a trail.” You turned to the youngest Walker boy, “I’m going down, use the remote sniper to cover me. Follow under merricks instruction.” 

He gave you a curt nod before you were off. 

“Riley’s got a scent!.” The team followed suit. Riley leading the lot of you to an almost closed  garage door. Multiple pairs of feet seen pacing inside.

“We don’t have time for this. Gas masks on.” 

Again through another tunnel, a conference room, another tunnel. This place was starting to piss you off, reminding you why you never really liked baseball in the first place. You’d later refer to it as the nightmare labyrinth. 

Eventually you found Ajax, Riley sniffing him out first, Keegan on his knees by his side second. 

“How is he?” Not an ounce of effort was made to hide the fear in your voice. 

“It’s bad.” Keegan was cradling the man as he coughed. 

“Son of a bitch.” In a quick but necessary moment of solidarity, you placed a comforting hand to Merrick’s shoulder. “Hang in there Ajax, Hang in.” 

“Rorke. It was Rorke. He’s targeting…” Ajax let out a cough from deep in his chest. Keegan held him tighter in shallow breaths. “Look… the wall.” 

“Come on, hang in there Ajax.” 

“He’s gone.” The room fell silent, you took to distraction. You look for the wall and your eyes grow in momentary panic at what you found.

“Merrick, he was right.” Your voice barely showed any sign of grief you were trying to swallow. No time to think. You stood by Hesh. He held out a flare for you to see, his free hand consolidating you with a gentle pat to the shoulder. 

“Get him ready to move.” Merrick ordered, Ajax’s body already hoisted over Keegan’s shoulder. Then by your side.

“It’s a kill list.” You told him. 

“Rorke’s targeting ghosts.” He resolved. Hesh’s eyes widened as he looked over the photos of you lot on the wall, his eyes drifting to one of a girl in tactical gear only realising once meeting your glassy gaze that it was you. You were smaller than the others sure but half your face was covered by a cloth, the other grease paint and your voice had been so gravelly and focused.

“Who the hell is Rorke?” He asked after clearing his throat, clearing his mind. Merrick had already collected Ajax’s mask and was heading out of the room for evac. You patted Hesh’s arm as a signal to move it. 

“No time to explain.”

-

Everything was one fight to another. You’d only truly catch a break in your third helicopter of the day.

“Alright, get us outta here!” Keegan yelled, clearly as over it was you were. 

“Hey, we’re not going anywhere” The eldest walker boy stood from his seat, he was frustrated, looking to pay it out on someone and Keegan was in his line of fire. You interjected with an assertive hand to his vest. 

“Hey, calm down.” Your cloth was pulled down to your neck now. Eyes wide as they met his. For a moment it actually worked, like you had covered the space in a blanket of silence to give him a moment to breathe. He glanced at the hand on his chest then met your eyes again. You were almost smiling. If he wasn’t panicking over losing his father, he probably would’ve smiled back. 

“Hey! We just saved your asses!” Merrick shoved the Walker boy to the wall, one arm holding his tactical vest fueled by his impatience and a hot head. 

“We didn’t need your help!” The boy fought back. By this time you had retreated to the front of the helicopter, hands held up in mock defeat towards your commanding officer with an amused smirk. He shook his head, hung in the slightest tint of embarrassment or nostalgia. Boys will always be boys.

Merrick will always be a testament of that. He was the same now as he was and will continue to be.

“The hell you didn’t!” Merrick had shoved the Walker boy down next to his brother on the bench. 

“Stow it! All of you!” Finally your commanding officer decided to step in.

“We have to go back! Our dads down there and we’re not leaving without him!” 

“That’s real admirable of you, but your father’s not there anymore.” He sat them down, really laying the act on thick. You remembered the bastard being dramatic but not this theatrical. He pulled the mask off. 

“Dad, this whole time? You were one of them, you’re a ghost.” 

“Try the Ghost! That’s your commanding officer.” Merrick was in a mood. He joined you where you stood next to Keegan. You welcomed him by holding a palm out as if asking him to calm down.

“Cool it. Stretch your legs.” You spoke softly, mockingly at him. Fake concern. He returned with a sarcastic smile. There was never a right time to push his buttons - especially not when he got in a mood… and he had many moods - but that never stopped you from having your fun every now and then. 

You waited for a moment, you could faintly hear your commander welcoming his sons to the Ghost squad. It warmed your heart, though you would never admit outloud. 

Elias had become like a father to you over your time being a ghost, the respect you worked hard to earn from the man radiated from him when addressing his children with unconditional love. 

You weren’t surprised seeing his sons often labelled as ‘natural born leaders’, they had the best of the best taking them through life from the very beginning. They held your respect for that alone. 

A genuine smile grew on your face as the eldest turned to caught your eye. He finally did return the smile. You found it sweet how his feet became restless in the moment of excitement. 

“We’re ready, We won’t let you down.”

June 15th - Federation Day

It had been approximately 9 days since you had met the Walker boys. They were everything you imagined Elias’ children to be. Determined, well mannered and well… handsome. This has been your first mission with them since. Your goal: To gain intel of Rorke's current location. 

It had been somewhat of a quiet mission up until this point, you knew all hell would break loose when you make your evac but for now, you almost had your hands on the federation soldier and “friend” of Rorkes, Victor Ramos.

“Dammit, he’s not here! Hesh?” Keegan calling into his comms when busting into Ramos' empty office.

“I got him.” Hesh dragged him in and pushed onto the office chair with a gun pointed to his head.

“He knew you would come.” Ramos’ words echoing off the gun metal.

“Where’s Rorke? Where is he!”

“I don’t know!” Ramon interjects, hands in the air “no one knows!”

“Vig.” Keegan gave you the ‘go ahead’ look. The one step in front of Hesh and Ramos was pushed onto the desktop by the lapels. Hesh now standing to the left of the man, his pointed gun in clear view. Light vibrations rushed through your body by the man’s trembling. He knew what he was getting into the moment he befriended Rorke. There was no remorse to be shared. 

“You have five seconds to deliver the coordinates on Rorke.” Keegan's voice rattled through the man’s skull, suddenly restless.

“Four.” Ramos yanked his arms out of your grip.

“He’s not here!” “Three.” You looked to Hesh.

“Two.” With a subtle nod your way, he readied his feet for fire. Ramos’s left arm dove across the table. 

“His location is in there! In an encrypted file!” Before you could follow the vector of his finger out the door, the screen fizzled awake behind you. Grabbing Ramos's loose arm, you turned the best you could to glance at the screen behind your tactical helmet.

“Well, well, well, if it ain’t the walking dead.” It was Rorke, you've heard his voice only once before in a recording but you’d never forget it. “Hm, I knew you’d follow the breadcrumbs.” 

“You tried to kill my father, you piece of shit!” Hesh haphazardly lept towards the screen. Sending the now half conscious Ramos into the desk chair, you met Hesh halfway.

“Hesh.” Your hands holding him back by the chest.

“The sons of Elias Walker. Boys sent to do a man’s work.” Hesh’s mouth went dry, his eyes fell from the screen to your gaze, then his shoulders dropped. He finally backed off, targeting his gun back onto Ramos.

“Enough games. Where are you, Rorke?” You turned to get a good look at the man on screen, your patience running thin. 

“Ha! Vi Ra Go. Talk about a man's work. Nice to put a voice to the face but where I am doesn’t matter.” He mocked. Your eyes narrowed out of frustration. “What matters is a decade ago they left me to die in this city. And from this night forward, Elias lives with the knowledge he sent his own sons to their death.”

“It was a set up.” Keegan said under his breath. The screen shut off and you locked eyes. 

“Let’s move!” You yelled, stepping with a heavy foot. One tap to the shoulder of the boy to your left and he followed behind you. Subconsciously pairing off as you knew Keegan would have Logan’s back. The building was collapsing, you could hear it before feeling it. 

“Command, mission is compromised! Attempting an aerial exfil from the 52nd floor!” Keegan was last to leave the room as he barked into his comms. You led the boys down the stairs, the concrete cracking in trails after your steps. Alarm raging. Scaffolding bare. 

-

You had your head resting on your hands, these trips after a mission were never a highlight for anyone in particular. People have different responses, Merricks paces restlessly, riding on leftover adrenaline like a drug high. Keegan sits still, to the side, not quite giving into exhaustion but with more of a level head then you reckoned someone should after jumping out of a collapsing building. 

You, however, are much smaller in frame and when you sit down, it tends to hit you quicker than everyone else. They’d called you a lightweight, especially when you share a drink with them. Keegan’s a hard one to make laugh but when Kick and Ajax continue to get you shots of water, the whole table shits their little cargo pants. So they let you bathe in the sound of the helicopter and regain a little strength. 

“You know him?” Your eyes barely opened as you turned to the boy who just sat next to you. You’re confused eyebrows egging him to elaborate “Rorke.” 

You shook your head and rested your head against the wall. One large exhale and you met his eyes again.

“They brought me on a long time after him. Knew the stories though,” Hesh watched with expecting eyes, ready for you to continue. “But he’s after me too and he took Ajax. That’s personal enough for me.” 

He gave an understanding nod and rested his head against the wall beside you. In the corner of your eye, you catch Keegan and Logan share a side eye glance. You can tell Keegan thinks you're getting soft but this job gives you little comfort. You’ll clench your balaclava as tight as you were now to stay cool in front of this boy whenever just to keep feeling the way he makes you feel. 

-

The next few days pass slower than usual. You could blame it on the same fact everyone else did. That Rorke was still out there. You almost had him and then was sent back a couple steps. 

However, you really knew it was because in the back of your mind, the idea of you, a boy and his dog, sat peacefully. 

Every mission, you kept your eye on him. Covered his back when you could and every mission he’d cover yours. Every mission you were sent to scope an area by his side. In between missions you would sit and chat. Chat about how you became a ghost, talk about his life before the military, talk about how he started to think of Riley after being away too long or how the other ghosts have become like father figures to you. The latter being a secret you thought you’d take to your grave.  

Sometimes Logan sat with the two of you, sometimes everyone else. In a group you would discuss sport and women and combat. Your plights and fights. Hesh watched as you grinned everytime Merrick rested a casual arm on your shoulder, you watched as Hesh beamed whenever Elias would place a proud pat to his back.

June 23th - Passage to Antarctica

Sure there were things to do, meetings to attend, plans to go over. But for the most part, on these kinds of days, you had more time to yourself then you would get in a while. Time you well needed when in constant close proximity with people like the ghosts. 

Once you were done on deck talking with the force, you made your way below deck to the sleeping quarters. You knew for a fact Merrick and Keegan would stay above deck for a smoke and Logan wouldn’t stray too far from Keegan no matter. But Hesh?

Something inside of you almost wished he would join you. You’d spend hours in the dark questioning if it was wistful or if you just felt guilty for having these thoughts cross your mind more often than not lately. 

When you had shared your plans of sneaking off to nap to the guys, every one of them shared a knowing look when Hesh was soon to follow you a few minutes after. It bothered Merrick more than he thought it would - feeling almost protective over you - but Keegan and Logan had already started the betting pool days before. 

“Just in time too.” Logan was quick to add. 

Hesh was quick to catch up to you. He stopped you in the hallway below deck, hand on your shoulder and a sentimental look in his eye. One that almost took your breath away at the sudden vulnerability. One you’d only seen him share with the likes of his family or with Riley. 

“Virago.”

“Hesh.” 

Let the games begin.

“Is there a reason you have me stopped in the hallway or?”

“Yes.” His chest rose with a deep breath. You had to rip your eyes away to look into his eyes. He continued his confession, “Virago, I think about you.” 

“You- what?” Spoken like you’d been punched to the gut. Your ears boiled. He had both hands on both shoulders now and at some point had steered you off to the side of the hallway with him. 

“Come on, you can’t tell me you don’t feel it too.” 

“This is highly inappropriate, I-” You awkwardly shimmied his hands off your shoulders as you tried to brush past him. He stopped you again, a hopeful, charming smile plastered shamelessly on his face. 

“It’s ridiculous, I know!” A boyish chuckle escaping through his words.

“Hesh.” The way you called him sent shivers down his spine. Had the situation been any different, had he not spotted the hope in your eyes everytime you looked at him, he would’ve given up by now. But he was already your weakness, as you were his. One more crack and he knew you’d be his. “I have to go.” 

That last crack was following you directly into the female berthing room. He greatly enjoyed your stunned state, it filled him with a sense of pride to influence your emotional responses so strongly. 

“Lieutenant! This is highly inapprop-” You’re scolding was cut off by a pair of lips and two hands gently holding your head in place. The final push. 

You melted in his warm, calloused hands. This is what you were afraid of, being so completely and utterly in the palm of his hand. You’d thank the stars for months that the room was currently unoccupied. 

His kiss was slow but hungry. Like he’d been dreaming of it but forced himself to savour you. Once you had relaxed into him, he moved his hands down to your waist, pulling and pushing. Chest to chest, back to bunk. Any gasp or sigh you let out, he returned with a quiet sound of pure bliss. Lips skimming each other but not locked. Open mouth pants, warm breath with a haze of mint below your nostrils. 

When you pressed your chest further into his, hands caressing his buzzed head to the nape of his neck. He shook his head, pulling away with a breath he struggled to take.

“You tell me no now because I may not be able to stop if we keep going like this.” 

“Hesh.” You said feigning a scolding tone. 

“You can call me lieutenant again.” He joked but sounded so out of breath. He could barely keep his eyes open when you ran your fingernails over his shoulder blades. 

“David.” You retaliate in a real scolding voice. A warning. He only groaned as his head fell onto your chest. 

“Yeah, that’ll do it.” He groaned. His grip on your hips got tighter, pulling you against him in a way that made you gasp. Showing his appreciation of the sound by latching his lips to your neck.

The boy fell just as deep as you had. You wanted him so bad but the adrenaline running through you wasn’t entirely from him either. You couldn’t pull your eyes away from the door even when you tried. 

You took a loud gulp and pulled him off you. His confused face soon daring as you guided him into your berth on the floor and pulled the curtain shut. It was tight, you laid on his chest, your back touching the roof if you arched your back. You didn’t care. If you had the chance to, you wouldn’t have ripped yourself from his chest and just stay this close forever. 

It was dark, his hands on your hips gave you butterflies. Your knees tingled as they laid either side of his thighs. He was breathing just as hard as you were. 

You started taking off your shirt and his eyes widened.

“Take your shirt off.” You didn’t ask but it also wasn’t an order. He was taken aback by your forwardness all of a sudden but didn't hesitate to wiggle his way out of the confining khaki material. “If these things start to smell, someone will know.” 

His hands were already exploring your bare waist, your lower back, upper back, the curve in your spine to the hanging stomach over him. Over your upper arms and shoulders to your chest. He memorised every curve, the feel of your soft skin. The way you’d cringe when he touched a certain point on your waist. The way you’d gasp when he cupped your breast and brought it out of your bra. 

“Hold me up.” He obliged with no hesitation. You desperately wanted Hesh out of his pants and needed the hands that were keeping you up to do so.

“May I?” you asked, hands resting over his belt. His eyes were desperate. 

“Please.” Who were you to complain? He brought you close to him, arms wrapped around your upper back pressing your chest against him. His lips rested next to your ear, determined to at least let you hear him if nobody else could. Arm reaching down between your bodies, you soon had in him his hands. 

“Holy shit.” He moaned in your ear. 

“Yeah.” You moaned back. 

-

“Did you get your nap, Vig?” Keegan's deadpan voice almost makes you think his question was genuine.

“What nap?” The words spilling out before a single thought could be put into them. You froze once you noticed your mistake, eyes wide in panic. There was no coming back from this but you could try. “Yes. Yes I did.”

He only raised an amused eyebrow and left your side with a “I didn’t think so.” 

June 28th - Sin City 

“Commander Walker, may I have a word with you.” Your fingers were fidgeting, eyes to your feet. He’d never seen you this way. You were a strong woman, Elias knew all too well. What other men called annoying - one well read man’s attempt to unknowingly call you a shrew - Elias taught you could be a sign of courage and strength. Virago. A word his wife used to love. 

This demeanour was different though. From you, almost uncanny. 

“Is everything okay Sergeant?” You took a gulp. He couldn’t stop the amused look on his face. He had a creeping suspicion of the topic you wanted to discuss, the whole team was starting to catch on. Hell, even kick could’ve guessed it. 

His suspicions were true. You knew you had to bring it up to him. The incident on the way to Antarctica consumed your every waking thought. It was almost dangerous, never have you had something come close to waning your focus on missions but this. This made you worried. It hasn’t even been a month of knowing this boy and you were worried. 

“Sir, this is very difficult for me to talk about. I’m afraid this is very inappropriate.” He let out a sigh, shaking his head. His expression was shielded by a thumb and pointer finger holding his nose bridge. Your stomach dropped.

“It’s okay Virago. Take your time.” He raised his head to look at you, giving out an involuntary chuckle. You stared at him, not sure what to do next. You were certain everything you said came out in a stutter. 

“For his sake and your sake and the ghosts sake, I will stand down if need be. It was never my intention to cause an issue like this, I know how inappropriate it is but i’m afraid of how it may develop and what will-”

“Virago.” Breathe. 

You follow the hand on your shoulder up to his eye. With more vulnerability than you were anticipating.

“Sir. Your son makes me feel like a giddy school girl.” 

After a long, uncomfortable beat, he lets out a genuine, hardy chuckle. It turns into a laugh. 

You brought your hands to cover your face in mild embarrassment. After all the chaos you endure in your job, admitting a little crush is what finally brought you to your knees. All you could do was share the laugh with Elias. It’s only when the moment settles that he gives his response. 

“As your commanding officer, you two work together better than a lot of teams I’ve seen out in the field. I am happy to overlook it as long as it doesn’t cause any problems. I see no reason for you to step down; however, if you think it’s the best decision for you, I won’t stop you. You’re an excellent sergeant, that's why you’re on this force.” You’re certain your face is red but his shoulders drop and the warm, a paternal smile returns to his face. 

“As a father, you’ve brought a sparkle to his eye I haven't seen in him since he was 18. I couldn’t feel any more pride if my son had chosen someone lesser than you.” Were you crying? A grown ass woman and you were crying at your commander’s words. You didn’t think his validation meant this much to you but you had always worked hard for this man’s respect. “He’s a stubborn one. You’ve got your work cut out but at least I know he’ll be in good hands.” 

“Thank you sir.” Was all you could get out without allowing your voice to crack. You took a quick glance at the boy standing by his younger brother. Elias walked to join them allowing you a moment to recollect yourself before the landing in vegas. With a quick but hot walk, you made it to the previously known luxor, now safe house. 

-

“JSOC’s going to want to move fast on this, so load up before you get any shut-eye. We got six hours until Keegan gets back.” 

You were already by Merricks side, guiding Logan to stock. Elias had been stopped by Hesh and dragged to the corner. 

“Dad, I need to talk to you for a sec.” Elias could feel the same smile growing on his face from only moments before. He was starting to think something must have happened on the last mission for the both of you to bring your feelings to his attention with this kind of urgency. 

“David, if this is about the girl, I already know.” Hesh stopped in his tracks. The boy was too stunned to speak! Perhaps he was meant to say a comprehensive sentence, instead he let out a series of “uh”s, “oh”s “wha?”s, “ how?”s. 

“She got to me first. A bit out of your league.” With a nudge to his gut from his father’s elbow, the tension slowly started to expel from his body. In fact he even gave out a laugh. Sheepish but true, you were out of his league. 

“You’re not mad?” Suddenly he felt like a child again, his worst nightmare would be disappointing his father. 

“Fuck no son. She is a warrior, that one.” Whatever Elias was fiddling with was dropped momentarily as he met his son’s eyes. Expression dropped to a deadpan. “If you started fucking the rest of my ghosts, well then we’d have a problem.” 

All Hesh could do was laugh out of shock and relief. He caught a glimpse of you beckoning Riley to follow you and he felt his pupils turned to hearts like an old cartoon. 

“I could marry her, dad.”  

“Hey, hey. Steady on Hesh.” Elias chuckled out, passing Hesh with a pat to his back to pull him out of the little trance you put him in. He couldn’t help but laugh - not in a judgemental way but in a nostalgic ‘young love’ kind of way. “You keep each other alive first and then you can start getting all cosy. You copy loverboy?” 

“Copy.” Hesh replied with a goofy little smile. 

“Hold up.” Merrick stopped. “Something feel off to you?” 

“Security’s working.” In a matter of seconds you were on the floor. Elias’ faint yelling at Riley in the distance played you off as you closed your eyes and took another deep inhale of gas. 

- 

They say hearing is the last to go when you die. You figured this might be it. You could hear Merrick’s voice yelling - how he usually used his voice - and figured you wouldn’t be mad if he were the one to send you off. 

What they never say though is that you’d feel hands grab you before you die. Now that sobered you. 

You were being picked up off the ground, grey federation gloved hands steadying its grip on you in places that were entirely necessary to lift you up onto a chair. After a minute of having your hands brought behind your back and met with a rope, your vision could finally focus in front of you. 

Merrick sat across from you, hands tied behind his back like your own. He watched the soldier behind you intently before locking eyes with you. You wondered what time it was, how long had you been out, how long had he been awake? You could have sworn he gave you a mocking look as if to say “lightweight” but it was short lived. You might have even laughed in any other situation.  

With a quick surveillance of the room, you noted there were only a couple of soldiers by the door. You could only just make out another figure in the hallway those soldiers were talking to. The soldier behind you was struggling with the rope as your hands started to fidget out of them. You gave Merrick a wink, devising a quick plan with a wordless exchange in under a few seconds. 

An eyebrow raise and a slight nudge of your head indicating the soldier behind you. ‘I'll take out the one behind me.’ 

A head tipped to his chair, then to the door behind him and two very exaggerated blinks. ‘You take the two at the door.’

He gave a curt nod and your expression stopped him before he counted the leap into action. You took a short moment to contemplate how to relay this information without your hands, it was never going to be a very dignified attempt.

A head nudge back to the door, a defeated eye roll then the most comical, clear attempt you could express talking by flapping your mouth. ‘The two at the door are talking to someone.’

He raised an eyebrow best he could. ‘How many?’ 

You returned a disparaging look and a subtle shoulder shrug. ‘I don’t know.’

He took a breath, shot a determined look then tipped his head to a count of three before you both jumped to your feet.

Whipping yourself around, you sent your tied hands slamming to the exposed neck of the shoulder behind you. He stumbled over the back of the chair, giving you a split second to seize the opportunity and kick his ass over his head. A clear thud paired with an echoed crack as the man’s back hit the concrete. His attempt to reach for his gun was unsuccessful when a boot trod on his wrist and a wooden chair smashed to bits off his vest. 

With what leverages your tied hands could give you, you tugged out the unresponsive soldier's pistol and finally turned your attention to Merrick.  

One soldier was on the ground, the other was giving him some little trouble. Two shots was enough to have the federation soldier on the ground. Whoever those soldiers were speaking to in the hallway were no longer there but would obviously return soon with back up. Merrick made quick work pulling the rope off your hands. You gave them a moment to roll them out before beginning on Merricks ties. They were untied enough for him to shimmy the rope off but you were yanked into the room by the waist before you could assist him further.

You’d retell the story with what you’d call more than a dozen federation soldiers surrounding the two of you. One holding your legs off the ground, vest to vest. Another soldier retying your wrists together while the rest had their guns pointed. Struggling was getting pointless. A quick glance to Merrick and it seemed he was in a worse position. Pushed to his knees and having life punched out of his gut. 

You followed suit, being pushed to your knees by a grip in your hair. The soldier in front of you lingered in this position, enjoying the view more than anything. If there weren’t so many soldiers posted, you could’ve sworn that man would have a world record for the quicked murder. 

“She’s a fiery one huh.” There was that voice again, you should have suspected it was him all along.

“Rorke.” Merrick's voice was gravelly, an evolved stage from the angered yelling to something further. 

“Vi Ra Go,” Every single time. Each syllable paired with an indolent step, his gaze never faulting from you. He didn’t want to acknowledge the man he once called friend beside you. 

“So we finally meet. The woman they sent to fill my void.” The word ‘woman’ was spat out with a misogynistic type of venom. A discreet disgust painting his features until his eyes started to wander down. His eyebrows raised shamelessly. 

“I tell you what, they don’t make soldiers like you in the federation.” His hand gripped your jaw. Resisting the urge to give him any satisfaction of a reaction, you stared past his head. He only relished in it more, with a thumb running up the skin of your neck. “Many of my men have your photo on their wall but to have the whole thing here is something else huh.”

The soldiers in the room started to holler and you could’ve sworn you felt bile being sent up your throat. You’d had comments like this before, about being a woman in the force but this man was something else and Merrick had had enough of it.

“Enough of this Rorke.” His roar rippled through the room and finally Rorke released his grip on your chin. Head dropping immediately - if not to stop it from cramping in your neck, then to hide the tear you fought hard to stop welling. Fuck him for making you feel weak. Fuck all of them.

“You know what they did to me sweetheart?” Still he refused to acknowledge the man next to you. You kept your head down.

“I know you killed Ajax, that’s all I need to know.”

“They left me to die. I’ve sat through things that’ll make your little limbs fall off darling.” He moved behind you, left hand situated on your neck, right hand on Merrick’s. Two soldiers accompanied your fronts. “Your whole team isn’t even here for you, darling. Where’s your quiet friend?” 

His grip on your neck guiding you to face him. His eyes anticipated more than he was going to get. 

Warm spit and a fuck you.

The last thing you saw was an unimpressed Rorke wiping his face with a palm before a fist connected to your stomach. 

“Bitch!” He spat. Jolted his head to the door and before you knew it, you were being dragged out the door by two soldiers. “I bet it doesn't take much to make her scream! As for you-”

“Virago!” Merrick roared before Rorke's frame covered your sight. The further you were dragged away, the less you could make out of blunt objects connecting themselves to his frame. 

The two soldiers carrying you shared a couple words, bringing you back to the foyer. And for what felt like hours, one held your head up by the hair while the other had his crack leaving bruises that’ll take at least a month to heal. 

Then finally relief.

Black.

[excelsior9173]

…

this is… a tough one. idk. it feels bad but i’m also at the point where it’s like, it is what it is, y’know?

my sister and i are very much the black sheep in the family as far as my dad’s side is concerned

and i think the worst part of that is that we didn’t do anything but be ourselves- dad’s family takes the fact that they never liked our mom out on us kids. we’re too much like her.

for me at least it’s always been subtle. i wasn’t always a problem, or undesirable. my sister had always had it harder, i gradually fell out of favour with them. i feel so distant when i visit, i’m close with my one cousin and that’s about it. everyone else sort of feel like strangers at this point. they’re getting bolder with their distaste too- try to veil it behind humour but it’s starting to get pretty blatant

i knew they’d poke fun at my colourful hair and facial piercing and i knew they’d hate it when i got tattoos (shocker- my grandma can barely bring herself to look at my ink) but the comments have gotten more blunt. convinced my cousin to get matching tattoos with me, she loves it and is planning more! my uncle has “jokingly” lectured me/confronted me about it three times now. like he’s trying to play it cool but is pissed that i have “corrupted” his precious daughter i think. he’s a control freak and i took that control away my grandma straight up flinched when i walked out of a camp bathroom in shorts and said “i’ll never get used to those tattoos”. like thanks, grandma, but i didn’t get them for you to enjoy them. all that shit is kind of water off a ducks back now, i expected those reactions, i was prepared for them. i don’t really care it’s honestly rather entertaining to me to see how much they’ll tie themselves in knots over choices i make for my own body.

the part that really made me realize i was falling out of favour as opposed to my cousin who can do no wrong in their eyes (i don’t hold it against her, i love her dearly and she was the closest thing i had to a sister growing up- until my sis transitioned) was my university convocation.

my cousin convocated last year, and i convocated in june. it was a whole big thing for my cousin! everyone came to see, we all took pictures with her, went out for a nice meal and had champagne to celebrate. my convocation? idk the family all came, we took a few pictures, went out and had lunch. they gave me their gifts and then everyone left- they had other plans to get to. i just- it felt like there was a lot less fanfare and celebration around it all. it was all “good job exie, but your cousin did it first and she has a grown up job related to her degree so 🤷‍♀️” they all ask my cousin how work is going, they ask her questions related to her degree, all that stuff. i get none of the same treatment. occasionally i’ll get asked something psych-related, but it always feels like they’re asking for the sake of being able to make a point. like i’m just a research engine and there’s no interest in my education. i genuinely wonder if any of them will even care once i get my next degree. it’s the same thing with holiday/birthday gifts. i feel like there’s thought and intent when they get gifts for my cousin, and for my sibling and i it’s just… random shit. the worst part is that my dad and aunt have asked for wishlists. my dad makes an attempt- his gifts are always thoughtful, last year he got me a heated sweater because i do dog walks in very cold weather. but the rest of his family? i got a mug and some froofy soaps and some kitschy novelty booze glasses (i have maybe a drink a month. except for new years and august long). even after they ask for a list :) i think i have become a stranger to them. my interests are so foreign and uncomfortable that they won’t even make an attempt at this point.

i kind of thought it would hurt more. realizing that i am not loved to the same extent as my cousin. that my sister, if they knew the truth, would be loved even less than i am now. but it doesn’t. i feel kind of numb to it. like i guess i knew this was inevitable. i would never be the perfect niece/grandkid. and i’m not saying it doesn’t hurt- it does, but it’s sort of like a long, old ache. it’s been hurting so gradually for so long that it’s sort of just a part of me. it doesn’t feel as bad as it is because i’m used to it. and that sucks to say. but it is what it is. i am not going to compromise any part of myself to earn the approval of people who can’t be bothered to even attempt to understand.

there’s more i wanted to say, or perhaps i wanted to say this all differently. idk. but that’s my rant tonight lol. family is great but it also fucking sucks.

[cath-lic]

Hallo! I was pleasantly surprised to open up your profile to find out you're both trans and catholic!! (This might be a long read)

I'm the same! But in recent years due to my transness/queerness + my criticisms of the church I've kind of distanced myself from the church. I still go to mass and receive communion and do what is expected of me (I'm in a very catholic family) but I do it with a hollow feeling in my heart.

Almost paradoxically though, I really like Jesus, I think he's a cool guy, I have unending respect for him + I take bible classes and I find it to be really fun and interesting, esp the gospels and I guess the new testament in general. Studying the characters, the setting and the meaning of the story is always so cool to me and I really really love it.

However, the environment i grew up in and the Catholics I grew up with gave me a really sour feeling and I feel a lot of spite because of the blatant hate they spew towards lgbtq people/ their hypocrisy at times (things like defending isr4el's actions vehemently even though they're contradicting themselves to their face when they preach about love and anti harm and stuff) umm I lost my sentence, basically I feel like lgbtq people would be the last thing Jesus would consider a problem and I'm just soo sick of hypocrisy among catholics and Christians that it's made me almost resentful but I'm not quite there yet

What I wanted to ask was, how are you keeping your faith despite all these things? Despite all the horrible actions people commit each day in the name of Jesus and Christianity (just look at, say, the treatment of trans people in the US, Project 2025, all that, book banning, just... Blatant misuse of the faith, I hope you know what I'm talking about). I feel like the more I hear about stuff like this, the less I want to associate myself with the church. I feel ashamed, I guess. I figure that I've lost myself in all this, but any advice? I'd love to hear your thoughts :)

this ended up being a long answer, so i'll put it under a cut!

hello my sibling, i know exactly how you feel. i was lucky enough to grow up in a non-hostile and fairly liberal environment, but for similar reasons, i am in the closet as well.

seeing the violence and vitriol that so many christians espouse on a daily basis is extremely upsetting to me. i absolutely despise the fact that christianity has become popularly associated with hatred. at the same time, i acknowledge that many christians have wielded our faith in such a way that they are absolutely deserving of that reputation.

what helps me is having catholic friends IRL and online that make me feel sane. building this type of community online honestly helped me in so many ways—i no longer feel like one of the few catholics in the usa that aren’t associated with the alt-right.

another thing that helped me was, ironically, finding a different church. though i am still catholic, i go to an episcopal church. it’s smaller and friendlier, and i felt much more welcomed there as well, and i feel comfortable knowing that these are people who share both my values and (most of) my religious beliefs.

i think i become more gung-ho about the faith when seeing the horrible things that people do in the name of christianity, actually. i tend to post more when i’m riled up about it, because i KNOW they’re wrong! so basically, when i’m feeling down, i turn to the source material. more often than not, they reaffirm my faith and reaffirm that god has sanctioned absolutely none of the shit that republicans are trying to pull.

i want people to know that being catholic does not mean being conservative, so i yell about it in my own space here. i don’t want to, you know, proselytize to people—so i make sure that this is a blog they can block. i would like to attend pride events and bring my own signs, and protect others from protestors at some point.

i’m sorry i don’t have a more succinct answer for you, my sibling. i can only assure you that you are not alone, and that so many of us trans catholics feel the exact same way. sending all my love to you ❤️❤️❤️

[violottie]

I cant stress enough how much bi lesbians and bi lesbian discourse flared up my SO-ocd, I was fine for a few months and then I returned to this side of tumblr and I get reminded of them. One of my worst fears is that I am somehow a “bi lesbian” or if after all these years of questioning and finally coming to the conclusion that I’m a lesbian I’ll turn out to be straight in the end. Idk if I should have stayed on the art side of tumblr but where else do I find other lesbians??? I wish I could go back to when I didn’t know “bi lesbians” existed it was easier back then. Apparently the only thing to make intrusive thoughts subside is to be like “so what if I’m not a lesbian, who cares” but I cant do that. I wanna go back to when I didn’t know there were people who deliberately fake being gay because that’s also one of my fears,, even though when I realized I was a lesbian it felt like I REALIZED it rather than chose it

(this is gonna be long but it's very important to talk about so just a heads up on that)

i am so so sorry to hear this, and im infuriated that these fucking creeps in the "community" have caused not only so much blatant lesbophobia to spread but also have caused so much harm to lesbians.

i am right with you because ive been through, and still go through sometimes, what you're experiencing. its terrifying that all this bullshit can snowball and make any doubts we lesbians already have from living in this heterosexual patriarchal society double and multiply even more viciously.

my internalised lesbophobia has worsened also. i doubt myself alot and more often thanks to all this bs. its... i dont even have words to express how damaging lesbophobia, especially from within the "community", is.

it causes harm and trauma and pain and suffering for lesbians, but all these stupid juvenile shits just think it doesnt matter because "uwu theyre so kweer and cool now"

it sucks... but i need you to know it is not your fault that you feel this way.

no matter what anyone inside or outside the community says, and no matter what your spiralling thoughts might make you believe as a result of lesbophobia inside and outside the community, you are not straight, you are not a "bi lesbian", you are not bisexual. you are a lesbian.

i know it is so so hard to just say but i promise you, nothing they say will ever ever change the reality of your lesbianism. i promise you.

it hurts, and its beyond infuriating to have to share space with these disrespectful bastards who coopt our lived experience for a moment of attempted self-actualisation, and that pain deserves to be acknowledged and soothed, not pushed away.

i wish i could give you a hug rn honestly because this shit just fucking sucks. i too wish i could go back to the time when these idiots werent even a concept in my mind or memory, but if there is any advice i can give you to help ease the torment of this constant barrage, it is this:

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

1) know, for a fact, that nothing anyone, and i mean ANYONE says and no matter how loud they say it, will ever change the lived and exact reality of your innate sexuality.

nothing will ever magic away your lesbianism. it is wired into you, it IS you, a very central part of your personhood. that is not something that any words, especially words shat out of the asshole of a dickhead child on the internet, can ever change.

im not disregarding the hurt, im just reminding you that who you are, who you truly are, cannot change because of the words that hurt. especially because you know deep down that those words are not true.

because being a lesbian is who you are. it is not a quota to reach, or what you do, it is who we are. innately. you know where your natural attactions lie, what genders draw your attraction exclusively and without effort. you know that deep down. we are literally born this way. words cannot change that.

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

2) the best thing to do whenever you accidentally glimpse said bullshit is to block them and focus on uplifting the actual lesbian community.

lesbians community is such an integral lifeline, i cannot emphasise the sheer importance of enough.

these idiots are, after all, idiots and do not deserve your energy, your time or your pain. they will never matter, and the truth is, they only exist on the internet among weirdos who have no sense of self so seek it by stealing bits and pieces from other peoples personal experience and identity.

they are and always will be inauthentic, unlike you.

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

3) find and focus on the joy of your lesbianism individually and in lesbian community with other lesbians.

We lesbians are blessed to experience the best kind of human life possible: lesbianism.

our sexuality is bold and strong and proud and beautiful and brilliant and effervescent. it is perfect and brave and worthy of honor and praise and celebration and respect.

our community of lesbians is just as exquisite as we are individually. we are diverse and divine. every butch, femme, stud, stone, masc and feminine lesbian; every trans woman, transmasc, transfem and nonbinary lesbian; every black and brown and lesbian of color; every aromantic, asexual, aroace, non-partnering and polyamourous lesbian; every lesbian of every age and race is so overflown with wisdom and joy and love and brilliance. there is nothing more empowering as a lesbian and nothing that strengthens lesbian pride more than being in a community of lesbians and finding joy in ourselves through each other.

and im not just saying this to be mushy. i mean it. lesbians are divine, and thus, you are also divine.

you are perfect as a lesbian because you ARE a lesbian. you are incredible and intelligent and brilliant and brave.

nothing will change the brilliance of who you are, and in everything you are as a lesbian, you have a universe of lesbians who have been, who are and who will be, all of whom have not only been through the same and similar demeaning bs from the same kind of lesbophobic idiots, but they fought it back and survived and lived and thrived as lesbians.

you are just as strong as every lesbian who has been and is. and you are not alone. i promise you.

i am slowly rebuilding the community of lesbians on this blog that i had on my old one, but i promise you, on my blog you are safe. i swear, i will always always put lesbians first here, and that includes you. i will always defend and support and celebrate lesbians first here, and here you will find many other lesbians who will do the same.

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

i know this was long, im sorry about that but i just need you to know that i see and feel your pain with you, and i need you to know that you arent going through it alone, and you are not alone.

we lesbians have always stuck together to defend and fight for one another, we have always survived, we have always been here, and we always will be.

i hope this reassures you in some way, and know you're always welcome and safe here ❤️🧡🤍🩷💖