#which lead to briefly learning about gender as performance

[purple-is-great]

Had a very gender day today, first I announced to a whole classroom that I was a trans man (it was relevant, we were talking about how identities are expressed and created with language). Most of the class was people who know me already, it was mostly the lecturer who wasn't aware

Aaand then after it as I was selling stuff at a little student fair some English speaking student called me "she" while speaking to the person next to him and somehow the English slowed down my processing enough that I didn't say anything

[defectivevillain]

make a mercy out of me

pairing: Damien Karras/Reader (can be platonic or romantic)

reader's race and gender are ambiguous; no pronouns or physical descriptors used.

summary: Damien shifts next to you and you open your eyes at the noise, studying him. His eyes are locked on the bedroom door, as if he’s contemplating whether he should enter once more. You swallow hard and try to find the right words. “Damien,” you eventually say. He flinches and looks over at you, a guilty expression flickering on his face. It seemed he truly intended to go back into the bedroom alone just now.

You’re the exorcist summoned by the Catholic Church to free Regan MacNeil from the demon possessing her.

word count: 4.1k | ao3 version

warnings: canon-typical violence/exorcisms; allusions to suicidal ideation, hospitals and IVs, fainting

Just as you begin to grow comfortable with the idea that you can move past exorcisms, you are summoned by the Church to perform another. You know that you don’t actually have to agree to it, but the thought of refusing to help would weigh far too heavily on your mind. So, you begrudgingly agree to exorcise a demon from a twelve year old girl named Regan MacNeil. 

This is how you find yourself standing on the porch of the MacNeil home, wearing your cassock (which you admittedly haven’t worn in a while) and shifting your balance from foot to foot restlessly. You convince yourself to ring the doorbell and, within moments, a woman answers the door. You exchange introductions and learn that she is Chris MacNeil—Regan’s mother. She has dark circles under her eyes and a gaunt look to her face—she clearly is very stressed about her daughter and her… affliction. Chris leads you through the house and offers you a drink, which you dutifully accept. Before you can take a seat on the sofa in the living room, you hear someone say your name. 

“It’s an honor to meet you.” You turn around, only to find a dark-haired man with deep brown eyes staring at you. You notice the clerical collar he’s wearing and realize he must be Damien Karras—the clerical psychiatrist who requested the exorcism. 

“Father Karras,” you say, extending a hand to him. He shakes your hand firmly. “Nice to meet you.” 

“Please, call me Damien,” he tells you. You swear his hand lingers in yours for the briefest of moments, but you’re quick to second-guess that thought. The two of you move to sit across from one another and you take a deep breath. 

After a few seconds, you decide to cut right to the chase. “What have you noticed so far?” You ask. Damien’s eyes briefly widen, as if he hadn’t expected you to bother asking. Technically, the Church views him as your glorified assistant in this situation—but you get the feeling he’ll be more helpful than that. He recounts his experience with the demon so far—how Regan seems to be housing multiple personalities (which you secretly doubt) and the supernatural feats that have occurred since he visited—doors falling shut, drawers opening on their own… He tells you that he got a recording of the demon speaking in Latin, which proved that Regan was possessed and allowed him to call for an exorcism. 

Even after he has told you everything, you get the feeling there’s something he’s hiding. You just met Damien, but you can tell his shoulders are drawn particularly tight and he looks rather tense. “You seem troubled,” you remark lightly, trying not to offend him. The man’s brows furrow and you try to glean what he’s thinking from his facial expression. He’s interacted with the demon before—maybe something it said upset him. “Did the demon say anything weird to you?”

His silence is enough of an answer. You’re reminded of your brief exchange with the Church representatives: 

“Damien Karras, psychiatrist and priest at Georgetown University,” the priest explains, elaborating on the man who called for the exorcism. “Now that I think of it, I believe his mother passed away recently…” He trails off, a regretful look on his face.   “Yes, she did,” the other designate responds. “Such a shame.”  

It doesn’t take you long to connect the dots. The death of Damien’s mother is likely still taking a toll on him. No doubt the demon tried to use his recent grief to its advantage. “It mentioned your mother, didn’t it?” You realize aloud. “It blamed you for her death.” Damien is staring at you in complete disbelief now. You blink back at him and he abandons his surprise, instead looking remorseful.

“I should’ve been there.” Damien shakes his head. The look on his face is completely tortured. You grimace, suppressing the inexplicable urge to reach out and place a hand on his shoulder. You just met the man—no doubt the gesture would fall flat, regardless of how reassuring you would wish it to be. 

“It’s alright,” you try to reassure him anyway. Again, you’re not sure how much comfort he’ll get from a near stranger like yourself, but you figure it’s worth a try anyway. More importantly, if there’s one thing you know about exorcisms, it’s that they require an absolutely sound and clear mind to be executed successfully. Damien can’t be thinking about his mother as the two of you attempt to free Regan. “It’s not your fault. You know that.” You say determinedly. 

Damien stares at you for a moment, his eye contact unwavering. You swear that, for a moment, his eyes are glassy. You push the thought aside and get to your feet, resigning yourself to your fate. Damien follows your lead and, before you move to leave the room, you look back at him. 

“Are you sure you’re up for this?” You ask once more. If you were in his position, you don’t think you’d be comfortable volunteering for more conversation with the spirit—not when it was so antagonistic before. “I can conduct the exorcism on my own, if needed.” It’s true. In fact, you conduct the majority of your exorcisms alone. You haven’t had another person with you in a while. You’ll have to adjust the process slightly—namely, adding the call-and-response bits so that Damien’s participation will increase your collective power. 

“No, I… I should be there,” Damien says resolutely, nodding quickly. His choice of words is very deliberate, you think to yourself. He didn’t say “I can do it,” but “I should be there.” He may not actually be up to the task, but he feels he is obligated to participate. You stare at him for another moment and exhale slowly. 

“Very well,” you acquiesce. Damien will know his own limits better than you will—or, at least, he should. “Shall we?” You motion for him to lead the way, since you’ve never been in the house before. Damien walks up the stairs and towards the door at the end of the hall. For a split second, he hesitates—stilling before the door. Before you can inquire after his well-being, he’s turning the doorknob and opening the door. 

You’re instantly hit with a cold, rigid breeze of air. Goosebumps run along your skin and your exhale of breath is released in a puff of visible vapor. It is absolutely freezing in the room. You’re quick to pull your cassock around yourself in a futile effort for warmth. Once Damien and you are both inside, you close the door behind you and immediately lock eyes with the girl, Regan. Your stomach turns unpleasantly. There are gashes and scratches all across her face, and her lips are incredibly chapped. You’re met with a haunting yellow-green gaze filled with maleficence and hatred—sentiments far too profound for such a young child. You take a moment to acknowledge how unsettling this entire situation is, before smoothly compartmentalizing those thoughts. You can’t pay attention to your feelings right now, because the demon will latch onto them and use them against you. You must be entirely sound of mind—clear of any emotions.  

You take a deep breath and round the bed, moving to the nightstand and hovering over it for a moment. There’s no turning back now. You remove the crucifix from your pocket, kissing it and placing it on the table. The demon hisses, tugging at the restraints around its wrists. You look to Damien behind you, who looks vaguely sickened but resolved nonetheless. 

You begin reciting your first prayer and Damien joins in at the appropriate moments. You hardly get to recite the entire thing before the demon is shuddering and shaking, turning its head and regurgitating a disgusting slime all over you. You cough and wipe your sleeve over your face, grimacing at the unwelcome feeling. You quickly forget about the foreign substance once you resume your recitations. 

By your third prayer, the bed is rattling and shaking against the ground. The restraints around Regan’s wrists are slowly ripping as you continue uttering the words to eradicate the demon. As you continue, Regan slowly rises in the air—until she’s completely levitating in midair. You’ve seen this kind of feat before, but it’s clear Damien has not—judging from the way he forgets to utter his response until you remind him moments later. Once he finishes the statement, you hold your hands out in front of you. “The power of Christ compels you.” You announce. 

The demon hisses, but continues to rise above the bed. The air around you whips at your skin and you continue. “The power of Christ compels you,” you repeat resolutely. This time, Damien joins you in repeating the statement. The demon is writhing in the air. Damien and you continue uttering the sentiment and Regan slowly descends through the air. Finally, after what feels like far too long, she’s reclined back on the mattress once more. The demon is practically writhing now, but it doesn’t appear to be significantly weakened—rather, it is only momentarily subdued. Meanwhile, Damien and you are both kneeling on the ground in exhaustion. An exorcism takes a lot of energy from those who perform it. While this isn’t anything new, you’re surprised by the sheer amount of strength of this particular demon. You’re not sure you’ve subdued one this powerful in quite some time. 

“We’ll rest for a bit and try again,” you eventually say, grabbing the bedpost for support and pushing yourself to your feet. You’re the first one standing, so you offer Damien a hand. For a moment, it looks as if he isn’t going to take your hand; then, he clasps your proffered hand and you pull him up. The demon is momentarily stunned—silent on the bed with its head pushed to the side. You take a deep breath and walk out of the bedroom on unsteady feet, before sitting on the carpet at the edge of the stairs. Damien sits himself down a few steps beneath you.

A tense silence descends in the air between you. You rub a hand over your face roughly, before reaching into your pocket and clasping your rosary. You feel your fingers moving along the beads automatically and you close your eyes for a few moments. Memories flicker before your eyes in intangible bursts of light. 

Damien shifts next to you and you open your eyes at the noise, studying him. His eyes are locked on the bedroom door, as if he’s contemplating whether he should enter once more. You swallow hard and try to find the right words. “Damien,” you eventually say. He flinches and looks over at you, a guilty expression flickering on his face. It seemed he truly intended to go back into the bedroom alone just now. 

Now that you think about it, the demon was hissing obscenities at Damien throughout your first attempt at exorcism. It was crooning at him, whispering words in a language that you didn’t understand. Damien must have understood them—and it seems that their intended meaning was disturbing. It doesn’t take you long to come up with an alternate solution. “Go rest downstairs,” you suggest, not unkindly. “I’m going to proceed alone.” 

Damien stares at you for a moment, before nodding resignedly. You shoot him an apologetic grimace before he departs; then, you step into Regan’s room and close the door behind you. You take a deep breath and repeat the process once more. You feel your conviction growing stronger as you continue reciting the prayers, and the demon begins hissing louder with each completed recitation. When you begin to channel the power of Christ, the demon is screeching and screaming—as bright red welts appear along Regan’s skin. You can only hope that she isn’t in immense pain right now. 

“The power of Christ compels you!” You state. The demon screams. “The power of Christ compels you!” You repeat the statement over and over again, until you’re practically yelling. “The power of Christ compels you!” That last recitation seems particularly impactful, as the demon writhes on the mattress and smoke rises from Regan’s form. You shove your hands forward as you repeat a prayer, and with the last word, there’s a blinding light that overtakes the room. Every object in the room seems to be shuddering and, before you can begin another invocation, you’re thrown backwards and into the wall behind you. Your head slams against the wall and stars float before your eyes as you fall to the ground. For a long moment, you’re sprawled on the ground with ringing ears. After what feels like far too long, you manage to pick yourself up and stand again. 

The air somehow feels less frigid than before. You squint at the mattress, where Regan is curled on her side. There’s no sign of the demon. “Regan?” You ask. The girl is shaking and nearly convulsing as she scrambles backwards, falling down to the ground and retreating to the corner of the room. She’s leaning as close to the walls as possible in evident fear. It doesn’t seem like she heard you. “Regan?” You ask again. She hasn’t tried to attack you or do anything harmful, which is a good sign. 

Regan blinks as if thrown out of a trance, before clarity graces her features and she yells for her mother. You try to approach the girl with outstretched arms, but she only curls further into herself and screams. You take a few unsteady steps backwards, before the door slams against the wall as Chris rushes in and races towards her daughter without hesitation. Damien is hot on her heels, looking around the room before staring at Regan. The girl is crying now, as her mother embraces her and wipes the tears from her cheeks with a gentle touch. 

It seems the demon has been successfully exorcised. In the wake of that realization, you realize your adrenaline is fading by the second. You’re somehow standing at the edge of the bed now—you’re not entirely sure when you got there— and you’re gripping the bedpost so hard that you feel bolts of pain sliding down your fingers. 

You lock eyes with Regan as she hugs her mother and you’re relieved to see that you’re meeting a frightened brown-eyed gaze, not an eerie and malicious yellow-green gaze. Right then, something in your subconscious clicks—ensuring you that everything is alright. Your mind takes that exact moment to completely shut down, as your knees crumple from under you and your eyes roll to the back of your head. You hear a sharp, quiet intake of breath before your vision promptly fades to black. 

While you’re unconscious, you catch glimpses of what’s happening around you. For a moment, you’re slightly jostled—as someone’s hands brace your back and support you under your knees. Then you’re lifted onto a stretcher of some sort. You actually manage to open your eyes at some point, only to see stars as the fluorescent lighting above burns through your eyes. A tear rolls down your cheek at the light’s brightness (and maybe the pain, you’re not quite sure) and you feel someone grasp your hand. You weakly try to squeeze their hand back, but your body doesn’t seem to cooperate. Instead, you’re left to the overwhelming darkness once more. 

You don’t dream. Instead, you’re floating in an infinite void of nothingness. For a while, there is no one—nothing—to keep you company. No demons, no people. Just… absence and shadows. You’re not sure how long you spend drowning in this oblivion. You just know that, when you finally manage to pry your eyes open, your head aches and your skin feels tight over your bones. You run your fingers along your neck, frowning at how tight it feels.

The lights above burn into your vision and rip tears from your eyes. Once the shadows creeping at the edges of your vision finally fade, you find yourself to be sitting nearly upright in a hospital bed. White walls irritate your sensitive eyes and you close your eyes for a selfish moment, before opening them again to find Damien Karras sitting in a chair at your bedside. You stare at him in surprise. “Damien,” you say raspily, nearly choking. The man immediately presses a glass of water into your hand and you’re quick to take the proffered drink, coughing and clearing your throat until you regain your ability to speak uninhibitedly. “Thank you.” It doesn’t take you very long to ask what’s weighing on your mind. “What are you doing here?” 

“Praying for your recovery,” Damien answers, his gaze intent. Indeed, his left hand is holding a rosary and his fingers are paused on one of the beads. He notices you staring and seems to grow self-conscious, as he gently places the rosary back in his pocket. 

“That’s very kind of you,” you remember to remark. Your memories of the exorcism come rushing back, and you find yourself concerned about Regan. Is she alright? Did she survive the ritual in one piece? She seemed fine immediately after, but you haven’t seen her since. “How is Regan?” You ask. 

“She’s fine,” Damien says. Your shoulders relax and you feel lighter. You were so focused on banishing the demon that you nearly forgot the entire reason for the exorcism: Regan’s renewed health. “Some scratches and scrapes, but otherwise, she’s back to normal.”

“Excellent,” you breathe a sigh of relief. 

A small smile graces Damien’s lips and he looks down at his clasped hands. “She wants to see you, to thank you,” he says after a few moments of silence. “Chris does too.”

“Oh,” you remark dumbly. You don’t think you really deserve gratitude—you were just doing what was right. You like to think that anyone else in your position would’ve done the same. But, judging from what you’ve heard through the grapevine, that isn’t always the case. Moreover, exorcisms are a bit controversial these days—many religious figures will refuse to perform them. You’re glad you were trusted with undertaking this one.

“I also wanted to thank you,” Damien says, tearing your eyes from the scratchy sheets laid over you and breaking you out  of your thoughts.

“Why?” What does he have to thank you for?

“You carried out the exorcism in my absence,” Damien reminds you. “Alone.”

“Yes…?” You trail off, waiting to hear of the feat that supposedly justifies his gratitude. But that’s it, apparently—judging from the expression on the priest’s face. 

“I was determined to help, but I was only a hindrance,” Damien says, averting his eyes momentarily. You immediately feel guilty for allowing him to feel that way. You can only hope that you didn’t perpetuate that attitude. 

“You were not a hindrance,” you’re quick to argue. Damien’s eyes snap up to yours, clearly surprised that you didn’t concede the point. The IV in your arm stings, grounding you to the present moment. Your heart is hammering in your chest. “If it weren't for your assistance, I wouldn’t have succeeded at all.”

Damien is clearly unconvinced, but he doesn’t argue any further. That’s probably for the best, because you fear you don’t have the energy to make much of a compelling case. He’s still staring ahead with that strange expression on his face—the one that betrays his inner conflict. “What is it?” You ask, after a minute passes and the expression doesn’t fade. “You look like you want to say something else.”

Damien shakes his head with a disbelieving quirk to his lips, muttering something about mind-readers. “Why was the girl chosen as the vessel?” He questions. He’s clearly been grappling with the thought for some time now, if the tight pull to his lips is any indication.

You inhale slowly. “Truthfully, I stopped asking myself those questions a long time ago,” you admit. “Sometimes, it’s better not to know.” You used to devote energy to answering those types of questions, but they ultimately caused you more distress—rather than giving you a sense of resolution. Ultimately, you don’t believe there is much of a real rationale to the ordeal. Bad things can happen to good people, and that’s just the way things are. You can only hope that your efforts mitigate some of the damage. 

Damien is silent. You sigh. “You’re not satisfied with that answer,” you realize aloud. Damien’s gaze is locked on you once more with that heated intensity. You struggle with maintaining your composure, when faced with his full attention in such a manner. “The other answer might be something like: sin induces despair beyond measure. It can possess even the most good-hearted and innocent of people: in this case, Regan.”

Damien takes a shuddering breath in. “I see.” He takes a slow breath. Idly, you wonder if you shouldn’t have said anything at all. But it seems that the prospect isn’t bothering Damien as much, now that you’ve spoken about it. Before you can contemplate the conversation much further, Damien is continuing to speak. “I have something else to thank you for.” 

“I can’t imagine what that is,” you huff truthfully. Indeed, you can’t think of anything you did that warrants more gratitude from him. You were only doing what you were supposed to do. 

But what Damien says next rips the breath from your lungs. “You… saved my life,” he admits quietly. Amidst the buzzing air of the hospital room, filled with the occasional beep of a machine, the confession is nearly suffocating. 

“What?” You manage to choke out. That is news to you. And surely you’d remember doing something like that. 

“I was debating going into that bedroom and exorcising the demon, no matter what it took,” Damien reveals. “I was willing to offer myself up as a vessel, if only to free Regan of the possession.” You stare at him in disbelief, your stomach turning with unease at the thought. Damien continues, immune to just how troubled you are by the admission. “I fear I would be dead right now, if you hadn’t stopped me. I owe you a life debt.” He locks eyes with you and you nearly recoil at the intense sincerity in his gaze.

“I don’t believe in those,” you respond. The thinly-veiled look of reverence in his eyes feels like an exaggeration, but somehow, you know it to be true. And that scares you—you’re entirely undeserving of the sentiment. “You owe me nothing.” You maintain.

Damien seems like he expected that answer, but he doesn’t look any less tortured.  You take a deep breath. It doesn’t seem like he’s keen to let this go. And if it’ll placate him… 

“Fine,” you acquiesce. His eyes widen. “I have something to request of you. Something that will fulfill the boundaries of a ‘life debt���… You have to promise me something.”

“Anything,” Damien responds, with a worrying amount of sincerity. 

The words fall from your lips before you can stop them. “Come to me if you feel that way again,” you say. Damien’s brows furrow ever so slightly. “I understand you often shoulder other people’s burdens, as a psychiatrist. But you shouldn’t neglect your own feelings in the process.” 

There’s a pause that seems to drag on for far too long. Just before you can surrender to the tension, Damien breaks the silence. “That’s it?” He asks disbelievingly. You nod. “You’re strange,” he remarks, something that could be mistaken for fondness lingering in the pull to his lips. 

“So I’ve been told,” you say resignedly. Your exhaustion is beginning to catch up to you, as your eyelids burn with fatigue and your body aches. Damien must notice your sudden weariness, because he’s quick to reassure you. 

“You should rest,” he says. You’re too tired to argue or pretend to be well-rested. Taking a deep breath, you lie back against the pillows behind you and close your eyes. Even with the bright lights nearly burning into your vision and the presence of a certain handsome priest’s attentive gaze, you’re still dozing off within moments. The last thing you register before you fall asleep is the sensation of lips being gently pressed to your forehead. There’s a swipe of a thumb along your cheek and a worried, appreciative set of eyes looking down at you—but by then, you’re long gone.

endnotes: WHO HID THIS MAN FROM ME. WHOWHOWHOWHOWH GRGRRRR ARF BARK BARK

anyways... thanks for reading! <3

check out my other works, sorted by fandom.

general taglist: @its-ares @excusemeasibangmyheadonawall @kingkoku @the-ultimate-librarian @gayaristocrat

friendly reminder that i don't give permission for my writing to be shared to other sites, stolen, copied, translated, or used in any way. thanks!

[madchatter]

Authentic DEIB and the PR Industry

What do businesses seek, resultant to the people-centric calamities that are being rightfully voiced and brought up all over the world? From the Black Lives Matter movement to the Stop Asian Hate campaign, oppression and discrimination among people are being voiced out. Businesses must do their part in contributing to the positive change that is so being fought for. Businesses, to make an impactful change, must go beyond simply making politically neutral/acceptable statements about these movements and should rather enable systematic incorporation of DEIB in their organizations.

DEIB stands for Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belongingness in business.

While industries strive to achieve maximum DEIB incorporation, let’s talk about the central issues faced by organizations in their attempts to include diversity in their work culture, and why the PR industry holds an edge over its counterparts in this aspect

What is the central issue of DEIB incorporation in business?

Inauthenticity and lack of practical diversity is the central issue at hand. There is a gap between the theory and practice of DEIB in the workplace, especially Inclusion and Belongingness among employees. This famed poetic verse saying, “Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink” is an appropriate representation of the state of inclusion programs/policies in organizations today. The above line suggests that despite being surrounded by something, you cannot benefit from it. In our context, ‘water’ refers to the actual, practical presence of inclusivity and equity among people. So then why is the achievement of this goal so close, yet so far?

Despite the presence of a vast and diverse pool of workers, the feeling of equity and belongingness is still lacking. Inclusivity means that everyone in the organization has a voice, and Equity is when all of these voices are heard sans bias. Diversity does not, by default, lead to equity among employees.

Here is where the concept of Practical Diversity comes in. This diversity does not end once you hire a diverse workforce, in fact, it only begins at the hiring stage. The unconscious biases and behaviours resulting from differences in the workplace, which are the cause of lack of belongingness and equity, must be addressed critically to really call oneself a DEIB aware and inclusive workplace. These efforts to address issues that may arise from the recruiting of a diverse workforce should be the real focus of DEIB incorporation.

Companies with above-average diversity yield a 19% higher innovation rate and profit margin, according to research done by Harvard Business Review regarding the six dimensions of diversity (migration, industry, career path, gender, education, age) and how it drives businesses’ financial performance.

Why is the PR industry ideal for DEIB incorporation in business?

In our most recent blog article, The Evolution of Women In PR, We briefly spoke about how PR itself proved to be an ideal ground for women to prove their capabilities and worth in the business world.

People connect with other people based on multiple factors, both conscious and subconscious. Public Relations is a field that depends on good relations and a good impression on the stakeholders of an organization. No impression can be paid for, it can only be induced. Conscious efforts to do so come in the form of learned social skills, communication strategies, gradual personalization of relationships with stakeholders; General maintenance of a good, woven image of the organization is the goal.

Subconscious efforts to induce a good impression, however, revolve around the organization’s work culture and people composition. The foundation of trust is ethics. A diverse and culture-rich workforce is reflective of a healthy, ethical organization. Moreover, PR is a field that deals with clients of a vast variety, unlike the Advertising industry which deals with target groups and communities. Diversity in such situations can help establish a feeling of belongingness among clients and employees and perpetuate deeper, and hence more lasting relationships with stakeholders.

What can we conclude from this?

We can conclude that diversity thrives in the PR industry. It can even be said that DEI&B incorporation transcends beyond being a mere quota requirement in the PR industry due to its proximity with the soul of the industry, that is, People. Diversity and Inclusion of people will help in progressing PR, whose future is the personalization of its functions. Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belongingness in businesses have come a long way in PR and will continue to be the component that enables this industry to adapt to its rapid modernization in the present day.

[sleepingdeath-light]

Relationship Headcanons | Disney Princesses

part one

reader is assumed as being gender neutral

includes : merida, moana, mulan, pocahontas, rapunzel, snow white and tiana

Merida ; Brave

a relationship with merida is one filled with adventure and self exploration - one where days are spent exploring the wilderness and nights are spent in each other’s company.

dates with merida are frequent and almost always spent outside: hiking, horseback riding, practising archery and sparring - all excuses to better yourselves together

you are her “darling�� or her “love”; never just your name

romance for merida is standing by one another as you reach around the other to teach you to perform each task - just the intimacy of closeness of the act is the peak of romance to her (especially if it involves archery or anything like that)

loves to kiss you on the back of your hands and on your cheeks - always in passing as she rushes by you to fulfil her duties as a monarch or when she bests you at one of your outdoor contests

Moana ; Moana

a relationship with moana is one filled with self discovery and mutual support; a relationship where you grow up together and learn to lead one another and your community into a new age.

dates are usually spent exploring new islands or sitting out on your raft at night, watching the stars as you sit side by side - feet dipping into the cool ocean water as you quietly talk about anything and everything that comes to mind

calls you “lo’u au” or a shortened version of your name depending on your company and how distracted she is

moana is very honest and open about her feelings and wants you to be comfortable being open with her as well, so she’ll always speak her mind about her interests, people and her feelings for you without shame

she loves to kiss you on the palms of your hands or on your forehead - both of which are always done with a great deal of affection and passion

Mulan ; Mulan

a relationship with mulan is one of constant learning and attempting to balance tradition and personal desires; of coming together to be a true team.

dates with mulan are usually calmer and spent out in her family’s estate, walking through the area or picnicking amongst the lush wildlife - always relaxed and filled with romantic gestures

calls you “qīnài de”or just your first name as a term of endearment

one of the most meaningful gifts she gave you was one half of a ying-yang necklace, with you taking the side that applies closest to you (white=masculinity, black=femininity) and her taking the other as a sign of how balanced and equal your relationship is

prefers to kiss you on the lips or on your knuckles (with the latter usually done in the early mornings when you’ve just woken up)

Pocahontas ; Pocahontas

a relationship with pocahontas is one filled with self discovery and rife with mutual respect and care - one where you learn about each other and yourselves as you become the best versions of yourselves.

dates with her are frequent and usually consist of her asking you to briefly abandon your chores/duties and explore the area with her - swimming, running, exploring and just spending time together as you learn to listen to the world around you in the same way she can

calls you your name or some variation of “my love”

mother willow loves you for how happy you make pocahontas and, as such, she often asks her about you and insists on you coming to visit on a more regular basis

loves to kiss the nape of your neck and the tips of your fingers in a quiet show of intimacy

Rapunzel ; Tangled

a relationship with rapunzel is one filled with adventure and affection in equal measure; one where you fall in love with the people you’re becoming together.

dates with her are sporadic and exciting because of how random they are - one day you’re hiking through the wilderness and the next you’re sitting still in her room as she paints your image on one of her many canvases

calls you “honey” or just your name

a big part of your relationship is self care, so you can expect regular “spa nights” in which you pamper each other in whatever ways you can - this being just one way that you express affection without needing to say anything

loves pecking you on the lips and kissing your wrists

Snow White ; Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

a relationship with snow white is one filled with traditional gestures of affection - one that is quiet and calm in its show of love and yet still clear in how deeply the two of you care for each other.

dates with snow occur on a regular basis and are usually very quiet and traditional - walks through the park, days in the market, quiet nights in and so on - and are always ended with a smile and kiss from snow

calls you “honey”, “sweetheart” or “love” - never your name

in the mornings when she puts on her makeup, she always ends up needing to redo her lipstick because she insists on peppering your face in kisses whenever she sees you (something that leaves you covered in red marks and her makeup undeniably smudged and in need of touching up)

loves kissing you on the lips or on your knuckles, done slowly and deliberately in such a way that it always leaves you flustered and breathless

Tiana ; The Princess and The Frog

a relationship with tiana is one built on a mutual respect for one another and an unwavering passion for chasing your dreams - as well as a desire to help each other reach them.

dates, however rare, are usually all about teamwork and as food is her love language, a lot of them consist of you cooking together and sharing a warm plate of whatever it is you made that evening - it’s almost a type of team-building activity

calls you “darling” and “sugar” most of the time, but will call you your name in public or when she’s especially tired

tiana has a bad habit of overworking herself, so if you insist on her resting and take care of her then this woman will absolutely melt: massage her shoulders, bring her a warm cup of coffee and run her a bath and she is yours

will usually either kiss you on the lips or on your jaw (the latter only occurring when she’s especially tired or when she’s thanking you)

[aro-comics]

Fashion Analysis (Part 2: Outside of Amatonormativity Alone)

[Note: This post is a part of a series analyzing self-expression, fashion, aromanticism, and how they interact with other parts of identity. For full context please read the whole thing!]

Outside of Amatonormativity Alone: Sexism, Homophobia (and/or Transphobia), Racism, Ableism, and Other Factors That can Impact Self Expression 

My comic was originally meant to be a light hearted joke. I’d always been told I’d want to dress up one day, be pretty and feminine once I fell in love with a boy (BLEGH). I was so certain that I would never do that, and now … here we are. I put lots of effort into my appearance, present feminine, all in the hopes I’ll impress a very special someone - a potential employer at a networking event. I think there’s a certain irony to all of this, and I do find it funny that I managed to both be wrong and completely subvert amatonormative stereotypes! 

But having the chance to think about the whole situation, I realize now that my changes in presentation reflect far more. The pressure I felt to dress differently are still influenced by fundamental forms of discrimination in society, and I would be remiss to not address these inherent factors that were tied with my experiences alongside my aromanticism. So in this section, I will briefly cover some of these factors and summarize how they can influence people’s self expression as a whole, before discussing my own experiences and how these factors all intersect. 

Sexism

The pressure on women In This Society to uphold arbitrary norms is ever present and often harmful, and while I wish I had the time to discuss the impacts of every influence the patriarchy has on personal expression, to even try to cover a fraction of it would be impractical at best for this essay. Instead, since the original comic focuses on professionalism and presentation, this is what I will talk about here. 

Beauty standards are a specific manifestation of sexism that have a deep impact on how people perceive women. It’s a complicated subject that’s also tied with factors like capitalism, white supremacy, classism, and more, but to summarize the main sentiment: Women are expected to be beautiful. Or at least, conform to the expectations of “feminine” “beauty” as ascribed by the culture at large. 

They also tend to be considered exclusively as this idea that "women need to be beautiful to secure their romantic prospects, which subsequently determines their worth as human beings. The problematic implications of this sentiment have been called out time and time again (and rightfully so), however there is an often overlooked second problematic element to beauty standards, as stated in the quote below: 

“Beauty standards are the individual qualifications women are expected to meet in order to embody the “feminine beauty ideal” and thus, succeed personally and professionally” 

- Jessica DeFino. (Source 1) 

… To succeed personally, and professionally. 

The “Ugly Duckling Transformation” by Mina Le (Source 2) is a great video essay that covers the topic of conforming to beauty standards through the common “glow up” trope present in many (female focused) films from the early 2000s. 

“In most of these movies, the [main character] is a nice person, but is bullied or ignored because of her looks.”

Mina Le, (timestamp 4:02-4:06)

Generally, by whatever plot device necessary, the ugly duckling will adopt a new “improved” presentation that includes makeup, a new haircut, and a new wardrobe. While it is not inherently problematic for a woman to be shown changing to embrace more feminine traits, there are a few problems with how the outcomes of these transformations are always depicted and what they imply. For starters, this transformation is shown to be the key that grants the protagonist her wishes and gives her confidence and better treatment by her peers. What this is essentially saying is that women are also expected to follow beauty standards to be treated well in general, not only in a romantic context, and deviation from these norms leads to the consequences of being ostracized. 

The other problematic element of how these transformations are portrayed are the fact that generally the ONLY kind of change that is depicted in popular media is one in the more feminine direction. Shanspeare, another video essayist on YouTube, investigates this phenomenon in more detail in “the tomboy figure, gender expression, and the media that portrays them” (Source 4). In this video, Shaniya explains that “tomboy” characters are only ever portrayed as children - which doesn’t make any sense at face value, considering that there ARE plenty of masculine adult women in real life. But through the course of the video (and I would highly recommend giving it a watch! It is very good), it becomes evident that the “maturity” aspect of coming of age movies inherently tie the idea of growth with “learning” to become more feminine. Because of the prevalence of these storylines (as few mainstream plots will celebrate a woman becoming more masculine and embracing gender nonconformity) it becomes clear that femininity is fundamentally associated with maturity. It also implies that masculinity in women is not only not preferred, it is unacceptable to be considered mature. Both of these sentiments are ones that should be questioned, too. 

Overall, I think it is clear that these physical presentation expectations, even if not as restrictive as historical dress codes for women have been, are still inherently sexist (not to mention harmful by also influencing people to have poor self image and subsequent mental health disorders). Nobody should have to dress in conformity with gender norms to be considered “acceptable”, not only desirable, which leads us to the second part of this section. 

Homophobia (and/or Transphobia)

So what happens when women don’t adhere to social expectations of femininity? (Or in general, someone chooses to present in a way that challenges the gender binary and their AGAB, but for the sake of simplicity I will discuss it from my particular lens as a cis woman who is pansexual). 

There are a lot of nuances, of course, to whether it’s right that straying from femininity as a woman (or someone assumed to be a woman) will automatically get read a certain way by society. But like it or not, right or not, if you look butch many people WILL see you as either gay, (or trans-masculine, which either way is not a cishet woman). This is tied to the fact that masculinity is something historically associated with being WLW (something we will discuss later). 

This association of breaking gender norms in methods of dress with being perceived as a member of the LGBTQ+ community has an influence on how people may choose to express themselves, because LGBTQ+ discrimination is very real, and it can be very dangerous in many parts of the world. 

I think it’s very easy to write off claims in particular that women are pressured into dressing femininely when it is safer to do so in your area; but I really want to remind everyone that not everyone has the luxury of presenting in a gender non-conforming way. This pressure to conform does exist in many parts of the world, and can be lethal when challenged.

And even if you’re not in an extremely anti-LGBTQ+ environment/places that are considered “progressive” (like Canada), there are still numerous microagressions/non-lethal forms of discrimination that are just as widespread. According to Statistics Canada in 2019: 

Close to half (47%) of students at Canadian postsecondary institutions witnessed or experienced discrimination on the basis of gender, gender identity or sexual orientation (including actual or perceived gender, gender identity or sexual orientation).

(Source 3)

Fundamentally this additional pressure that exists when one chooses to deviate from gender norms is one that can not be ignored in the conversation when it comes to how people may choose to express themselves visually, and I believe the impacts that this factor has and how it interacts with the other factors discussed should be considered. 

Neurodivergence (In general): 

In general, beauty standards/expectations for how a “mature” adult should dress can often include clothing that creates sensory issues for many autistic people. A thread on the National Austistic Forum (Source 6) contains a discussion where different austistic people describe their struggles with formal dress codes and the discomfort of being forced to wear stiff/restrictive clothing, especially when these dress codes have no practical purpose for the work they perform. If you’re interested in learning more on this subject, the Autisticats also has a thread on how school dress codes specifically can be harmful to Autistic people (Source 7). 

In addition to potentially dressing differently (which as we have already covered can be a point of contention in one’s perception and reception by society as a whole), neurodivergence is another layer of identity that tends to be infantilized. Eden from the Autsticats has detailed their experiences with this in source 5. 

Both of these factors can provide a degree of influence on how people choose to express themselves and/or how they may be perceived by society, and are important facets of a diverse and thoughtful exploration of the ways self-expression can be impacted by identity. 

Also, while on this topic, I just want to take a chance to highlight the fact that we should question what is considered “appropriate”, especially “professionally appropriate”, because the “traditional” definitions of these have historically been used to discriminate against minorities. Much of what gets defined as “unprofessional” or otherwise “inappropriate” has racist implications - as an example, there is a history of black hairstyles being subjected to discriminatory regulation. Other sources I have provided at the end of this document (8 and 9) list examples of these instances.  

Racism (being Chinese, specifically in this case): 

For this section, I won’t be going into much depth at all, because I actually have a more detailed comic on this subject lined up. 

So basically, if you were not aware, East Asian (EA) people tend to be infantilized and viewed as more childish (Source 10). In particular, unless an EA woman is super outgoing and promiscuous (the “Asian Bad Girl” stereotype, see Source 10), IN MY OPINION AND EXPERIENCE it’s easy to be type casted as the other end of the spectrum: the quiet, boring nerd. On top of this too, I’ve had experiences with talking to other EA/SEA people - where they themselves would repeatedly tell me that “Asians are just less mature”,  something about it being a “cultural thing” (Yeah … I don’t know either. Maybe it’s internalized racism?). 

Either way, being so easily perceived as immature (considering everything discussed so far) is also tied to conformity to beauty standards and other factors such as sexism and homophobia, which I believe makes for a complex intersection of identity. 

[Note from Author: For Part 3, click here!]

[michaels-blackhat]

thoughts on evil Forrest 😈

We are going to start out by apologizing. This is very very late. I’m sure when you sent this ask, you meant it to be in the same joking tone that I approach all of my other propaganda posts. Sadly, this is actually going to be a deep dive into a few Evil Forrest related things, including the moment I feel they changed directions, the perfect wasted build-up, and the implications of the change/how it then negatively impacted the story. As I’m sure you already know, by being on my blog at all, I don’t think the story was good to begin with, so we are going to focus on the weird hoops they made themselves jump through to make that story still work. Additionally, I am only going to mention once, right now, how much of a waste it was to not have Forrest ‘fall for his mark’ and complete one of my absolute favorite tropes. Honestly, I think “because I want it” is a completely valid reason to like Evil Forrest. But, the question was “Thoughts on Evil Forrest” and these thoughts have been developing for over a year and a half. So, I apologize in advance.

The majority of this is under a cut, with highlights in the abstract. If no one wants to read this, I understand completely. Go ahead, skip it.

Note: it pains me greatly to not actually have full sources for this essay. Just know that in my heart I am using proper APA citations, I just absolutely do not feel like digging through tweets to find sources to properly cite.

Abstract:

Previous research indicates that Roswell New Mexico has a history of repeating excuses to explain mid-season changes to plots. This essay explores how those excuses are not only loads of crap, but how they hinder the show’s ability to tell a coherent story, misuse the multiple-plot structure to enhance the themes being explored, and lead to decisions that mean the show continuously goes over budget. This also means that characters are not used to their full potential and has led to what some fans consider to be “out of character” behaviors. While these behaviors are not universally agreed on, evidence can be shown that these behaviors directly contradict emotionally important character arc/plot points in the show.

The author of this paper acknowledges that the show took some strides to mend this problem. However, once again no consensus could be found on whether Forrest was a low-level member of Deep Sky and thus just allowed to fuck off on a bus, or his job was recruitment because he did a piss poor job of making Alex not join.

The concept of Evil Forrest has been with the fandom as early as New York Comic Con (NYCC) in 2019, when it was revealed that Alex had a new “blue-haired love interest”. Speculation abounded within the fandom, with some people, including the author, going “yeah, he’s evil” while others rejoiced in the concept of Alex having a loving partner. Speculation increased as fans discussed Tyler Blackburn’s seeming disinterest in his new love interest, prompting some once again to scream “EVIL” at the top of their lungs to anyone who would listen. Very little was revealed, beyond the fact that the new character would show up somewhere around episode 3 of the second season.

Episode 2.04 aired with some commenting on how he barely interacted with Alex- prompting more evil speculation- and others excited to see the characters interact more. The character appears again in 2.06, where he invites Alex to dubious spoken word poetry (which Alex attends); 2.08, where they have a paintball date and go to The Wild Pony; 2.10, where the two are seen writing together briefly at the beginning of the episode; and 2.13, where Alex performs his song at open mic night, tells Forrest his relationship with the person in the song was long over, and they kiss. Forrest was not revealed to be evil during season 2.

Amidst the season airing, Word of God via Twitter post announced that yes, Forrest had originally been planned as a villain, though not the main villain, but it was changed as filming progressed.

The Word of God Twitter post revealed that Forrest had originally been planned as a villain, but they decided that they could not make their “blue-haired gay man” a villain. This mirrors a similar situation and excuse used the previous season, where the character of Jenna Cameron was originally planned to work with Jesse Manes against the aliens, before it was changed because they just “loved Riley [the actress] too much”. Both of these examples occurred while already filming and reflect on a larger problem with the show. Though not the topic of this essay, it is important to note that both characters are white, both in the show and by virtue of being played by white actors. The fact that they couldn’t be villains for one reason or another is not a courtesy extended to the male villains who are all the most visibly brown, and thus ‘other’, members of the cast.

This also highlights the fact that, via Twitter, it has been revealed two other times that occurrences that were reported in season 1 also occurred in season 2. During the airing of episode 1.02, it was revealed that the single best build-up of tension in the show- when Alex walks to the Airstream not saying a word to Michael after a dramatic declaration- happened because one actor was sick at the time and they had to go back and film the kisses later. At the point of airing for episode 2.08, it was revealed that one of the actors were sick and unable to film a kissing scene. Allegedly, this caused the writers to retool the entire scene and deviate from the plan to make that subplot about Coming Out. The execution of this subplot will be explored later in this essay.

The last occurrence revealed via Twitter also revealed larger issues within the show: lack of planning and poor budgeting. During the airing of season 1, Tyler Blackburn was needed for an extra episode beyond his contracted 10. A full explanation was never given, but speculation about poor planning and to fill in because Heather Hemmens had to miss one of her 10 episodes due to scheduling conflicts for another project. During the airing of season 2, yet another tweet came out saying they made a mistake and Tyler would once again be in an additional episode. No explanations beyond “a mistake” were given, though once again speculation occurred. It is the opinion of the author that this was due to changing plot points over halfway through writing, while episodes were already in production. It has been speculated by some that these changes occurred during the writing of 2.08, which was being finished/pre-production was occurring roughly around the time of NYCC 2019.

Previous Literature:

A brief look at different theories of plots and subplots

Many people have written on the subject of plotting, for novels and screen alike. The author is more familiar with film writing than tv, but a lot of the concepts carry over. Largely, the B- and C- (and D- and E-… etc) plots should reinforce the theme of the A-plot. This can be through the use of a negative example, where the antithesis of the theme is explored to reinforce the theme presented by the A plot, or through other examples of the theme, generally on a small scale.

A movie example of this would be Hidden Figures (2016), where the A-plot explores how race and gender impact the main character (Katherine Johnson) in her new job. The B-plots explore the other characters navigating the same concepts in different settings and ways- learning a new skill as to not become obsolete and breaking boundaries there (Dorothy Vaugn) and being the first black woman to complete a specific degree program and the fight it took to get there (Mary Jackson). A TV example that utilizes this concept of plot and theme is the 911 shows. Each of the rescues in a given episode will directly relate to the overall theme of the episode and the overall plot for the focus character. This example is extremely blunt. It does not use any tools to hide the connection, to the point you can often guess the outcome for that A-plot fairly quickly.

This is not the only way to explore themes within visual media. Moonlight (2016) looks at three timestamps in the life of Chiron. Each timestamp has a plot even if they feel more like individual scenes or moments rather than plots as some are more used to in films. Each time stamp deals with rejection, isolation, connection, and acceptance in different ways. So while there is no clear A-, B-, or C-Plot, each time stamp works as their own A-Plot to explore the themes in a variety of ways, particularly by starting out in a place of rejection and moving to acceptance or a place of connection to isolation.

Please note that there are many ways to write multiple plots, there are just two examples.

While there are flaws within season 1 of RNM, overall the themes stayed consistent throughout the season, mainly the theme of alienation. The theme threads through the Alien’s isolation/alienation from humanity which is particularly seen through Michael’s unwillingness to participate and Isobel’s over participation. There is Rosa’s isolation from others, how her friendship with “Isobel” ended up compounding her existing alienation from her support system due to her mental illness and coping mechanisms. We see how Max and Liz couldn’t make connections. This theme presented itself over and over in season 1. While this essay is not an exploration of the breakdown of themes in season 2, it should be noted that there were some threads that followed throughout the season. The theme of mothers/motherhood was woven throughout season 2, with some elements more effective than others. Please contact the author for additional thoughts on Helena Ortecho and revenge plots.

One of the largest problems within season 2 was the sheer number of plots jammed into the season. These plot threads often ended up hindering the effectiveness of the themes and made the coherence of the season suffer. Additionally, a lot of them were convoluted and difficult to follow.

Thesis:

Essentially, season 2 was a mess. To look at it holistically is almost an exercise in futility. Either you grow angry about the dropped plots and premises, you hand wave them off, or you fill them in for yourself. Instead, this essay proposes to look at individual elements to explain why Forrest should have stayed evil.

We first meet Forrest in 2.04 when he is introduced on the Long Family Farm, which we later learn was the location where our past alien protagonists had their final standoff. He’s introduced. He’s largely just there. The audience learns he has more of a history with Michael. In 2.06, we meet him again with his dog Buffy (note: poor Buffy has not been seen again and we miss a chunky queen). There’s mild flirting, Alex is invited to an open mic night, which he attends. For the purpose of this essay, the author’s thoughts on the poetry will not be expressed. Readers can take a guess.

It is after this point that the author speculates the Decision was made. This choice to make Forrest not evil- paired with the aforementioned ‘can’t kiss, someone’s sick’- impacted the plot. We have Alex have a scene with his father- which the author believes could have been pushed to a different episode- and then have Alex go on a date and then not kiss Forrest at the end of the night. Here, the audience sees Forrest hit Alex in the leg, allegedly not knowing he had lost his leg despite ‘looking him up’, which parallels the shot to the leg that happens to Charlie. Besides wasting this ABSOLUTELY TEXTBOOK SET UP WTF, it also takes Alex away from the main plot and then forces a new plot for him. Up to this point, Alex’s plot was discovering more about the crash and his family’s involvement. Turning Alex’s date from a setup for evil Forrest to a Coming Out story adds yet another plot thread to a packed season. It is also the author’s thought that this is where the convoluted kidnapping plot comes in. With Forrest already in 2.10 for a moment, a plot where Alex is evil has Forrest attack him for Deep Sky rather than Jesse abduct him for a piece of alien glass Alex was going to give him anyway and then for Flint to abduct Alex from Jesse. It’s messy. In a bad way. Evil Forrest would have been a cleaner set up: no taking back a piece of alien glass Alex gave to Michael in a touching moment. No double abduction. Instead, there is only Forrest, who Alex trusts, breaking that trust to take him as leverage over Michael.

Implications:

Now, Alex has two plots (Tripp & Coming Out). The Coming Out plot is largely ineffective, as they are only relevant to scenes with Forrest and have the undercurrent of there only being a certain acceptable way to be out. This could have been used for Alex to discover his comfort levels, mirroring Isobel’s self discovery, but there was not enough screen time for that. Additionally, Isobel’s coming out story was about her allowing herself the freedom to explore. Alex’s story was about the freedom to… act like this dude wanted him to. Alex’s internalized homophobia played out often in the series but it was also informed by the violence he experienced at Jesse’s hands and the literal hate crime he and his high school boyfriend experienced. With that in mind, the “kissing to piss off bigots” line comes off poorly. This is a character who experienced what a pissed off bigot could do- reluctance to kiss in public is not the same as not being out. There is more to be said on this topic, but as it is not actually the focus of the essay, it will be put on hold. To surmise: Alex’s coming out is attempted to be framed as being himself, but it is actually the conformity to someone else’s ideals. It does not work as an antithetical to Isobel’s story, as the framing indicates that the conformity/right was to be out contradicts Isobel’s theme.

Further Research:

MAKE FORREST EVIL YOU COWARDS

Author Acknowledgements:

The author of this paper acknowledges that the show took some strides to mend this problem. However, once again no consensus could be found on whether Forrest was a low-level member of Deep Sky and thus just allowed to fuck off on a bus, or his job was recruitement because he did a piss poor job of making Alex not join.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Here's a shortlist of those who realized that I — a cis woman who'd identified as heterosexual for decades of life — was in fact actually bi, long before I realized it myself recently: my sister, all my friends, my boyfriend, and the TikTok algorithm.

On TikTok, the relationship between user and algorithm is uniquely (even sometimes uncannily) intimate. An app which seemingly contains as many multitudes of life experiences and niche communities as there are people in the world, we all start in the lowest common denominator of TikTok. Straight TikTok (as it's popularly dubbed) initially bombards your For You Page with the silly pet videos and viral teen dances that folks who don't use TikTok like to condescendingly reduce it to.

Quickly, though, TikTok begins reading your soul like some sort of divine digital oracle, prying open layers of your being never before known to your own conscious mind. The more you use it, the more tailored its content becomes to your deepest specificities, to the point where you get stuff that's so relatable that it can feel like a personal attack (in the best way) or (more dangerously) even a harmful trigger from lifelong traumas.

For example: I don't know what dark magic (read: privacy violations) immediately clued TikTok into the fact that I was half-Brazilian, but within days of first using it, Straight TikTok gave way to at first Portuguese-speaking then broader Latin TikTok. Feeling oddly seen (being white-passing and mostly American-raised, my Brazilian identity isn't often validated), I was liberal with the likes, knowing that engagement was the surefire way to go deeper down this identity-affirming corner of the social app.

TikTok made lots of assumptions from there, throwing me right down the boundless, beautiful, and oddest multiplicities of Alt TikTok, a counter to Straight TikTok's milquetoast mainstreamness.

Home to a wide spectrum of marginalized groups, I was giving out likes on my FYP like Oprah, smashing that heart button on every type of video: from TikTokers with disabilities, Black and Indigenous creators, political activists, body-stigma-busting fat women, and every glittering shade of the LGBTQ cornucopia. The faves were genuine, but also a way to support and help offset what I knew about the discriminatory biases in TikTok's algorithm.

My diverse range of likes started to get more specific by the minute, though. I wasn't just on general Black TikTok anymore, but Alt Cottagecore Middle-Class Black Girl TikTok (an actual label one creator gave her page's vibes). Then it was Queer Latina Roller Skating Girl TikTok, Women With Non-Hyperactive ADHD TikTok, and then a double whammy of Women Loving Women (WLW) TikTok alternating between beautiful lesbian couples and baby bisexuals.

Looking back at my history of likes, the transition from queer “ally” to “salivating simp” is almost imperceptible.

There was no one precise "aha" moment. I started getting "put a finger down" challenges that wouldn't reveal what you were putting a finger down for until the end. Then, 9-fingers deep (winkwink), I'd be congratulated for being 100% bisexual. Somewhere along the path of getting served multiple WLW Disney cosplays in a single day and even dom lesbian KinkTok roleplay — or whatever the fuck Bisexual Pirate TikTok is — deductive reasoning kind of spoke for itself.

But I will never forget the one video that was such a heat-seeking missile of a targeted attack that I was moved to finally text it to my group chat of WLW friends with a, "Wait, am I bi?" To which the overwhelming consensus was, "Magic 8 Ball says, 'Highly Likely.'"

Serendipitously posted during Pride Month, the video shows a girl shaking her head at the caption above her head, calling out confused and/or closeted queers who say shit like, "I think everyone is a LITTLE bisexual," to the tune of "Closer" by The Chainsmokers. When the lyrics land on the word "you," she points straight at the screen — at me — her finger and inquisitive look piercing my hopelessly bisexual soul like Cupid's goddamn arrow.

Oh no, the voice inside my head said, I have just been mercilessly perceived.

As someone who had, in fact, done feminist studies at a tiny liberal arts college with a gender gap of about 70 percent women, I'd of course dabbled. I've always been quick to bring up the Kinsey scale, to champion a true spectrum of sexuality, and to even declare (on multiple occasions) that I was, "straight, but would totally fuck that girl!"

Oh no, the voice inside my head returned, I've literally just been using extra words to say I was bi.

After consulting the expertise of my WLW friend group (whose mere existence, in retrospect, also should've clued me in on the flashing neon pink, purple, and blue flag of my raging bisexuality), I ran to my boyfriend to inform him of the "news."

"Yeah, baby, I know. We all know," he said kindly.

"How?!" I demanded.

Well for one, he pointed out, every time we came across a video of a hot girl while scrolling TikTok together, I'd without fail watch the whole way through, often more than once, regardless of content. (Apparently, straight girls do not tend to do this?) For another, I always breathlessly pointed out when we'd pass by a woman I found beautiful, often finding a way to send a compliment her way. ("I'm just a flirt!" I used to rationalize with a hand wave, "Obvs, I'm not actually sexually attracted to them!") Then, I guess, there were the TED Talk-like rants I'd subject him to about the thinly veiled queer relationship in Adventure Time between Princess Bubblegum and Marcelyne the Vampire Queen — which the cowards at Cartoon Network forced creators to keep as subtext!

And, well, when you lay it all out like that...

But my TikTok-fueled bisexual awakening might actually speak less to the omnipotence of the app's algorithm, and more to how heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

Sure, TikTok bombarded me with the thirst traps of my exact type of domineering masc lady queers, who reduced me to a puddle of drool I could no longer deny. But I also recalled a pivotal moment in college when I briefly questioned my heterosexuality, only to have a lesbian friend roll her eyes and chastise me for being one of those straight girls who leads Actual Queer Women on. I figured she must know better. So I never pursued any of my lady crushes in college, which meant I never experimented much sexually, which made me conclude that I couldn't call myself bisexual if I'd never had actual sex with a woman. I also didn't really enjoy lesbian porn much, though the fact that I'd often find myself fixating on the woman during heterosexual porn should've clued me into that probably coming more from how mainstream lesbian porn is designed for straight men.

The ubiquity of heterormativity, even when unwittingly perpetrated by members of the queer community, is such an effective self-sustaining cycle. Aside from being met with queer-gating (something I've since learned bi folks often experience), I had a hard time identifying my attraction to women as genuine attraction, simply because it felt different to how I was attracted to men.

Heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

So much of women's sexuality — of my sexuality — can feel defined by that carnivorous kind of validation you get from men. I met no societal resistance in fully embodying and exploring my desire for men, either (which, to be clear, was and is insatiable slut levels of wanting that peen.) But in retrospect, I wonder how many men I slept with not because I was truly attracted to them, but because I got off on how much they wanted me.

My attraction to women comes with a different texture of eroticism. With women (and bare with a baby bi, here), the attraction feels more shared, more mutual, more tender rather than possessive. It's no less raw or hot or all-consuming, don't get me wrong. But for me at least, it comes more from a place of equality rather than just power play. I love the way women seem to see right through me, to know me, without us really needing to say a word.

I am still, as it turns out, a sexual submissive through-and-through, regardless of what gender my would-be partner is. But, ignorantly and unknowingly, I'd been limiting my concept of who could embody dominant sexual personas to cis men. But when TikTok sent me down that glorious rabbit hole of masc women (who know exactly what they're doing, btw), I realized my attraction was not to men, but a certain type of masculinity. It didn't matter which body or genitalia that presentation came with.

There is something about TikTok that feels particularly suited to these journeys of sexual self-discovery and, in the case of women loving women, I don't think it's just the prescient algorithm. The short-form video format lends itself to lightning bolt-like jolts of soul-bearing nakedness, with the POV camera angles bucking conventions of the male gaze, which entrenches the language of film and TV in heterosexual male desire.

In fairness to me, I'm far from the only one who missed their inner gay for a long time — only to have her pop out like a queer jack-in-the-box throughout a near year-long quarantine that led many of us to join TikTok. There was the baby bi mom, and scores of others who no longer had to publicly perform their heterosexuality during lockdown — only to realize that, hey, maybe I'm not heterosexual at all?

Flooded with video after video affirming my suspicions, reflecting my exact experiences as they happened to others, the change in my sexual identity was so normalized on TikTok that I didn't even feel like I needed to formally "come out." I thought this safe home I'd found to foster my baby bisexuality online would extend into the real world.

But I was in for a rude awakening.

Testing out my bisexuality on other platforms, casually referring to it on Twitter, posting pictures of myself decked out in a rainbow skate outfit (which I bought before realizing I was queer), I received nothing but unquestioning support and validation. Eventually, I realized I should probably let some members of my family know before they learned through one of these posts, though.

Daunted by the idea of trying to tell my Latina Catholic mother and Swiss Army veteran father (who's had a crass running joke about me being a "lesbian" ever since I first declared myself a feminist at age 12), I chose the sibling closest to me. Seeing as how gender studies was one of her majors in college too, I thought it was a shoo-in. I sent an off-handed, joke-y but serious, "btw I'm bi now!" text, believing that's all that would be needed to receive the same nonchalant acceptance I found online.

It was not.

I didn't receive a response for two days. Hurt and panicked by what was potentially my first mild experience of homophobia, I called them out. They responded by insisting we need to have a phone call for such "serious" conversations. As I calmly tried to express my hurt on said call, I was told my text had been enough to make this sibling worry about my mental wellbeing. They said I should be more understanding of why it'd be hard for them to (and I'm paraphrasing) "think you were one way for twenty-eight years" before having to contend with me deciding I was now "something else."

But I wasn't "something else," I tried to explain, voice shaking. I hadn't knowingly been deceiving or hiding this part of me. I'd simply discovered a more appropriate label. But it was like we were speaking different languages. Other family members were more accepting, thankfully. There are many ways I'm exceptionally lucky, my IRL environment as supportive as Baby Bi TikTok. Namely, I'm in a loving relationship with a man who never once mistook any of it as a threat, instead giving me all the space in the world to understand this new facet of my sexuality.

I don't have it all figured out yet. But at least when someone asks if I listen to Girl in Red on social media, I know to answer with a resounding, "Yes," even though I've never listened to a single one of her songs. And for now, that's enough.

[wexarexmadxhere-archive]

Lydia Martin; Muse Info

Full Name; Lydia Martin Nickname; Lyds Face Claim; Holland Roden Gender; Female Pronouns; She/Her Marital Status; Single Sexuality; Bisexual/Polyamorous Age; 18/21 Date Of Birth;  March 19, 1994 Occupation; Student Residence; Beacon Hills Species; Banshee Family;  Natalie Martin Verses; None Biography; Lydia Martin is a main character and the current female lead of Teen Wolf. She is the daughter of Natalie Martin and Mr. Martin, and the granddaughter of Lorraine Martin and her wife Maddy. She is also the best friend of Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall and Malia Tate. When first introduced, Lydia could be as described as a shallow, vain, mean girl who played dumb to hide just how smart she truly was; however, after she became friends with Allison Argent, Scott McCall, and Stiles Stilinski, Lydia began to shed this persona and has since grown into a brave, compassionate person who genuinely enjoys helping others who are struggling, particularly those who have been traumatized by the supernatural like herself. At the end of Season One, Lydia was attacked and bitten by then-Alpha Werewolf Peter Hale, but in a shocking turn of events, she neither died nor turned into a Werewolf herself, a feat that was virtually unheard of in the supernatural community. However, she began to hear voices, go into fugue states similar to sleepwalking, and have terrifying hallucinations about Peter, revealing that, unbeknownst to her at the time, Peter's attack had activated the latent Banshee abilities that she had inherited from her paternal grandmother. It was eventually revealed that his attack against her also allowed his spirit to live on in her mind, affording him a connection with Lydia that he could use to manipulate her into resurrecting him with a special ritual on the Worm Moon. Even after he had vacated her consciousness, Lydia began to be drawn to dead bodies in Beacon Hills, particularly those whose deaths were related to the supernatural, and began unconsciously screaming, which steadily began to worry her. It was eventually revealed to her by Jennifer Blake that Lydia was, in fact, a Banshee, also known as the Wailing Woman, a harbinger of death who was drawn to the dead and the supernatural. Since this revelation, Lydia has struggled to learn the full scope of her powers and how to use them, often lamenting the fact that her powers were passive, spontaneous, and largely out of her control, unlike the comparatively easier-to-use powers of shapeshifters such as her Werewolf and Werecoyote friends that could be used both actively and defensively. Despite her frustrations, Lydia's ability to sense imminent death has given the pack numerous advantages in battles, though very few people give her credit for just how powerful she is. When the Deadpool started in Beacon Hills in January 2012, Lydia was the second-highest valued target at $20 million, both as a result of her powerful ability to foretell death and the equally powerful and unique pack who was sure to fight to protect her. Recently, due to injuries sustained when Theo Raeken entered her mind to sense her memories, Lydia became temporarily catatonic, causing her to be admitted into the supernatural ward of Eichen House. While there, Dr. Gabriel Valack performed trephination on her, which amplified her abilities to the point that she briefly possessed extrasensory perception. It was confirmed by Alan Deaton in Amplification that Lydia is an exceptionally powerful Banshee, even though Lydia still does not yet know the full extent of her powers, which is likely at least part of why Valack was so determined to use her to figure out the identity of the Beast of Gevaudan. As of Lie Ability, Lydia was rescued from Eichen House and returned to her loved ones, with Alan Deaton using mistletoe paste to reverse the effects of Valack's trephination and causing her to lose her extrasensory perception. However, thanks to Meredith Walker, a fellow Banshee and a friend an ally of Lydia and the McCall Pack, Lydia has since learned how to use her voice as an offensive weapon, allowing her to channel the power of her voice through her hands to create concussive blasts that can forcefully throw a grown person backward away from her. This combined with her newly learned close-quarters combat skills, taught to her by Jordan Parrish, has given her the ability to better defend herself from threats even if the pack is not around to assist her. In Season 6, Lydia's powers have continued to grow, which included Lydia experiencing an astral premonition of a past event in 1987 where she was able to physically interact with another Banshee, Lenore, and she demonstrated the ability to use her scream to kill a Ghost Rider and the phantom version of Claudia Stilinski that they conjured. As of the end of the first half of the final season, Lydia has graduated from Beacon Hills High School and has been accepted to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, where she will be starting college as a junior. Lydia is a member of the Martin Family and the McCall Pack.

[megashadowdragon]

Commentary on reddit :

To summarize, Marfisa is basically what you’d get if you combined Penthesilea and Achilles. She starts out as a whirling, if lucid, maelstrom of destruction until she becomes something else; an inverse of Roland being a mostly perfect knight before he abandons chivalry in his explosive grief.

Instead of being taken in by an overprotective wizard, Marfisa was briefly raised by a lioness, adopted soon after, kidnapped and made a slave by a Persian king at age 7, killed her master when she was older, violently took over his kingdom, and then violently conquered several more kingdoms by the time she was 18.

Some writers, even some today, would take her as is. #YAASQUEEN (literally) Knight. Put her up against some strawmen/caricatures and wait for a movie deal. But way back in the 1500s, Ariosto took this character, who was little more than a thug in Orlando Innamorato, and gave her an arc that took her beyond murder and self-fulfillment.

A harder life created a much harder person than Ruggiero, but it also instilled in her a much more mercenary outlook. Tiring of her overlord duties and hearing of the immense war between Charlemagne and the Saracen Kingdoms, Marfisa pilfered the coffers of her subjects and abandoned her empire to challenge the greatest knights either side had to offer.

As a queen with nigh-limitless funds and muscle that allowed her to battle Roland to a standstill, she is a shockingly unencumbered figure in a tale where almost everyone answers to someone, but that freedom becomes a kind of cage as well.

She changes sides constantly, sometimes fighting for the Saracens and sometimes fighting against them. Her one-track mind for combat causes her to gormlessly attack heroic knights and accidentally help slavery ring kingpins. She is also quite vindictive, attacking anyone for slights that range from actual to accidental to simply perceived.

There is hope for her though. During an adventure with Astolfo (who she was on good terms with after allying with him briefly in Innamorato), she, he, and three of his fellow Paladins wind up in Laiazzo, an Amazonian colony 10,000-strong which enslaves shipwrecked men to act as their pet champions and breeding stock (1 man “works” for 10 women). Newcomers can either try and fight their way out or they can slay 10 “servants” in single combat bloodsports, fornicate with a 100 citizens, and earn the privilege of serving the Amazons.

Marfisa (who the Amazons believe to be male because of her armor and mask) is nominated by her companions to do all the fighting. Some take this as a nigh-feminist occurrence where Astolfo and his friends acknowledge a woman (and one not of their ranks no less) as their better in battle. Others believe this is Marfisa having her bloodlust being taken advantage of by the Paladins ala Tom Sawyer so they can do the much more enjoyable 100 women thing as she takes all the hits.

Marfisa kills all but one of the Amazon slave knights and in respect of her skills, he offers to let the group stay the night at his place before they resume their duel the next day.

They learn that in spite of his strength, the knight is barely out of his teens and is terribly depressed with what his masters have made him do. If he wins, he kills a great warrior and remains a slave. If Marfisa wins, then she and the others will become slaves. The Amazons win either way.

This similarity to her own backstory causes Marfisa to feel genuine empathy with someone she had moments ago tried to murder. It might be the first time she’s ever felt it. She muses that if she were to reveal her gender, the Amazons would likely accept her as one of their own or let her go free, but she won’t tolerate such naked vileness, even if it would benefit her.

The next day, she, her new ally, and the Paladins fight to free themselves and the other captive knights despite how outmatched they clearly are. When the fight goes south, Astolfo sounds his dread horn that is cursed to make all who hear it flee in fright (Agartha, baby). He neglects to tell his companions that it affects everyone who isn’t him, and EVERYONE on the island flees so suddenly and swiftly that by the time Astolfo is done blowing (his horn), he discovers he’s been completely abandoned.

Take a look at this illustration (NSFW) by Gustave Doré detailing the escape. That shadowed figure in the background on the hill? That's Astolfo. And that smirking sentinel leading the slaughter? Take a guess.

But the story isn’t done with Marfisa yet. She falls in love with Ruggiero. She gets beaten by Bradamante, her shallow vindictiveness no match for the true wrath of a woman scorned. She sees Ruggiero getting between her and Bradamante in spite of being much weaker than either of them in hopes of stopping the two from killing each other. She witnesses Atlante’s shade, the wizard having entombed himself Merlin style and seemingly disowned Ruggiero for ingratitude at his attempts to raise and protect him, return from beyond to reveal the truth of how she’s Ruggiero’s twin sister to stop the three-way death match.

Throughout this odyssey, this bellicose beauty beholds how courageous a lesser warrior can be, how much and how deeply a man and woman can love each other in spite of distance and difficulty, how a father’s love can be so strong that it can forgive the insults a son sends its way, how painful failure is, and how having a brother feels.

These higher emotions and more complex relationships help her see that there’s more to life than battle. They also inspire her to mature as an individual.

When she, Ruggiero, and Bradamante come across a licentious lord who abuses the women in his domain, they don’t simply overthrow him but reform his society. Rather than let the women completely take over as the Amazons showed her that tyranny is unisex, she demands egalitarianism. Equality. And warns she’ll kill them all if they stray from that path. Hey, baby steps.

Decent extrapolation but it kind of makes me feel like it was written from Cliffsnotes instead of directly reading Furioso.

Within the book it's just said that Marfisa was insistent on fighting the champions on the island of women warriors. It was required that the same person perform both tasks and is supposed to be humorous because Marfisa just heard, "Fight ten strong guys, I am so there" and literally zoned out on the other half. The text also states that the entire group is fortunate they decided to break out, since Marfisa would obviously fail the second trial.

Marfisa, again, was a major fight nut which is the reason that conflicts rose between her and other Saracens. Such as when she had her sword stolen by Brunello and threw off her armor while chasing him, she started a fight by grabbing her arms without saying a word when a contest of martial valor was going on over them - and she is so in love with combat that instead of explaining anything she just started fighting. Or how it was Mandricard who challenged her since she was convinced into one of the few times she wore women's clothes with some friends so he assumed she was a lady and one of her beauty, Mandricard wanted to offer to Rodomont in order to get his romantic rival out of the way. Marfisa merely said that Mandricard had to defeat her personally. Well, in short, it's that the Saracen camp was filled with in-fighting. Shit, when she and Mandricard were about to have their duel, both Ruggiero and Rodomont broke in and EVERYONE wanted to duel EVERYONE over something.

Also it's never mentioned of her falling in love with Ruggiero. Just that the two had a strong bond that the Saracens misconstrued as being romantic love. She only goes out to fight Bradamant because her obviously established love of combat and also that the woman was screaming her name in bloody murder. It's literally when Marfisa is going to confront Bradamant that it mentions the phoenix she wears on her helmet has the meaning that she wants to remain invincible and single for her entire life (as an aside, she killed her slaver and his family and his kingdom out of vengeance when he tried to take her chastity).

As an aside, Ruggiero is on the same level as Marfisa, definitely not "much weaker." There's a reason the Saracens sought him specifically out as an ally despite his being locked away in a tower. When he and Marfisa fight side-by-side the text clearly treats them as equals, and they also view each other as worthy equals.

[sunflowersoonyoung]

words left unsaid | sinb

w.c ↠ 1.7k

pairing ↠ sinb x gender neutral!reader

genres/s ↠ fluff, a smidge of angst, friends to lovers au!

description ↠ You regret not speaking your thoughts after potentially losing your best friend and the love of your life, Hwang Eunbi. However, fate brings you together after years apart.

warning/s ↠ n/a

author’s note ↠ this took me an afternoon to write which is extremely quick for me! I did proofread it but I'm not sure if it feels rushed. regardless, goofy best friend sinb is my favourite~

-

Your experience with Middle School had been dull and uneventful, until a fateful meeting with Hwang Eunbi.

The library was a sanctuary for you, a quiet place for you to focus entirely on schoolwork without distractions. The scent of dust mingled with old books was soothing, a smell you had learned to associate with relaxation. Back then it was not uncommon for you to be found there, tucked in the corner buried in schoolwork.

No one had ever approached you, not until Eunbi. Urgently scrawling out the contents of a closely due assignment, you had believed you were alone until she placed a hand on your shoulder, capturing your attention.

“Excuse me,” her voice was melodic, soft, pleasant to your ears, “do you think you could help me?”

A petite girl was peering down at you, silky raven hair cascading down her chest in waves. She offered you a smile and you felt a burst of butterflies in the pit of your stomach. Immediately your face heated up, too shy to maintain eye contact with the gorgeous stranger.

“I-I can,” you responded, your attempt to swallow a stutter failing. Her smile only widened, perfect rows of teeth glistening back at you - a hint of awkwardness beneath the surface as she spoke again.

“Thanks. I don’t really know where anything is in here. I’m trying to find a geography textbook.”

She trailed closely behind you, weaving between bookshelves till you reached the far end of the library. You gestured broadly to a collection of books, “here.” When you turned to face her, dismay painted her features, and for a moment you thought you had lead her to the wrong section. She huffed and pointed to the top shelf out of her reach, “it’s all the way up there.”

After both of you took turns in attempting to jump and snatch the textbook, unfortunately with no luck, an idea seemed to cross her mind. She swivelled towards you with a mischievous grin, oblivious to how it made your heart flutter.

“Wanna try sitting on my shoulders?”

A coy giggle bubbled up from your throat at the image. How would this small-framed girl manage to carry you on her shoulders, let alone stand and sustain herself with you atop of her?

At her urging, you ignored the thoughts at the back of your head that warned you this was a bad idea and swung your legs over her front, flailing for purchase and grasping her hair to balance yourself. For a brief second, it seemed as if it would work out until she tried to stand on trembling legs. As you had predicted, she was not nearly strong enough to support you. With a yelp, you slid from her grasp and both of you tumbled back onto the carpet.

You both exploded with unrestrained laughter, disturbing the peaceful library. Glancing at her with her face lit up, you were overcome with joy, unable to tear your eyes away. There was no longer anything else you desired; you only wanted to see her laugh like this every day for the rest of your life.

You assured yourself that moment that you would become her closest friend, truly believing that would be enough for you.

-

The closer you were to Eunbi, the stronger your affections for her developed; in High School, she had been your universe in which no one else dared to enter. It was obvious from the outside that your bond was different, filled with a romantic tension that both of you were blind to.

It was a hot summer evening, a film of sweat sticking to your skin as you walked alone. This was a rare occurrence, as usually Eunbi would join you and overload your head with chatter along the way to your accustomed hangout.

It was a routine you both seldom broke. You would first stop at a small convenience store and spend pocket money on sweets and soda, or hot drinks in the winter. Then, whilst conversing the whole way, you would cross the road and sit on the bottom of a grassy riverbank, observing the ducks as they floated past.

Today, since you were alone, you paused only briefly inside the store for a cold drink, pressing it to your reddened cheeks. As you had hoped, Eunbi was waiting in your usual place, crouched with her back faced towards you. You neared and realised her shoulders were quivering. Sobs wracked her body, muffled but barely audible.

“Eunbi? Are you okay?”

She hurriedly rubbed her face with her forearms as if trying to hide that she had been crying, though her splotchy skin revealed all. You almost slipped as you hastily rushed to her side, wrapping an arm around her as tightly as you could.

“We’re both graduating soon, and I’m scared,” she admitted, reluctant to meet your gaze, “I-I’m going to a performing arts university in Seoul.”

The abrupt confession dropped cubes of ice into your belly, overwhelming you with a dread that travelled over your skin from your toes to your forehead. You were numb as you pulled away from her, a belated response of betrayal beginning to swell in your chest.

“But...you promised you would go somewhere in the same city as me,” you finally spoke, having to pry the words from your dry throat.

“I know, (F/n), but this is my future.” She was frowning, her hands trembling in the wake of your disapproval.

“But what about us?” Your words carried a weight that you were not quite ready to explain. It meant something entirely different to you because you were worried about missing the opportunity to confess your affections to her.

You don’t realise that you are crying until Eunbi’s eyes reflect sadness at you. You are too hot with emotion to care for her sympathy, turning on your heel and fleeing. It would be a decision you would come to regret.

Closing yourself in the haven of your bedroom, the horror of the incident began to sink in. You bawled into your pillow, lamenting over every harsh sentence you had uttered.

The following day at school, you found yourself unable to speak to your best friend out of humiliation, and Eunbi seemed unbothered by this, proceeding with her day as usual - but without you. You didn’t blame her; you had hurt her considerably.

By the time graduation came, a wall of silence was still between you.

Years would pass by. Girlfriends and short flings would occur, nothing unusual for a college student - though none could take your mind off your goofy, affectionate ex-best friend. Some nights you would lay still in bed as you recounted all of the joyful memories you shared with her. You often pictured her lying beside you.

It was not until you had finally integrated into the working world that you were sentimental enough to revisit your old hangout. Usually, you made excuses to yourself that it was too far of a drive and that it would only reopen sensitive wounds. You considered turning around multiple times, but an invisible force drew you to that riverbank on that particular day.

You were mildly surprised to discover that the old convenience store still open. White paint was peeling off of the walls in flecks, but it was still upright and working.

For old time’s sake, you entered, purchasing a can of vanilla coke and a bag of potato chips. Traipsing down to the grassy slope across the road with a plastic bag at your hip, you felt invigorated by your decision to return this afternoon. Perhaps it was the association with your youth.

A woman sat at the bottom of the hillside, slender legs stretched out in front of her as she seemed to take in the fresh breeze. Her dark locks had been cut in a neat line around her jaw, the quality of her hair so silky that it shone. She was turned away from you enough that you could not see her features.

“Is it okay if I sit here?” You inquired softly, and she turned to look at you.

Although so many years had changed, beautiful Eunbi had barely changed. Maturity settled on her facade like dust, but other than that she was the same. Her stunned expression tells you that you were equally as recognisable.

“(F/n)?” Her voice was small as if she hardly dared to ask. You answered with a curt nod, scanning the grown Eunbi that was struggling to her feet before you.

Abruptly she threw herself into your embrace, a sweet warmth overwhelming you as she gave you the contact you had craved from her ever since you had parted. An aromatic, flowery scent wafted from her, and you were embarrassed to admit that it made your mouth water.

“I-I’m sorry,” you mumbled against her shoulder, earning a soft tut from her lips.

“I’m sorry too,” she responded, “there’s a lot I wish I had said to you.”

She withdraws, interlocking her fingers with yours tightly as if scared you would leave otherwise. An unexpected tension crackles through the lukewarm atmosphere, the kind of tension that only materializes between timid lovers.

“I love you (F/n). I’ve felt like something has been missing all these years without you. Ever since that day in the library.”

Whatever you were expecting her to say, it was certainly not that. Her confession was so confident that you immediately accepted it to be true, despite the doubt that sat in the back of your head. The air grew considerably hotter against your cheeks, warmth rising up your neck and reaching the tips of your ears.

“Me too, Eunbi,” you were stumbling over your words as you hurried to reciprocate, “I-I was always so scared you would reject me.”

A toothy grin stretched across her face once she realised what had just happened. Words that had been left unsaid had finally unburdened the both of you. She eagerly cupped your cheeks and swept you into a kiss. The sensation was far better than your first kiss, full of longing, relief and a little desperation. It was shallow but meaningful.

“I’ve wanted to do that for years,” she purred against your lips, that same mischievous twinkle in her eyes that you had witnessed all those years ago.

[fanficimagery]

Cheap Thrills

Summary: Imagine receiving drunk text messages from a random number. Even when you make it known you're not who the person is looking for, the texts keep coming. And it's not until you make a post about the texts, complete with screenshots, do you find out who it is.

Words: 3.9K Warnings: None that I can think of.

[From XXX-XXX-XXXX]: u awake? [From XXX-XXX-XXXX]: miss u [From XXX-XXX-XXXX]: can i come over? [From XXX-XXX-XXXX]: hello?

You read the texts, snorting at the poor unfortunate individual who typed in the wrong number. Thumbs tapping out a message of your own, you send it before getting back to your movie.

[To XXX-XXX-XXXX]: i'm sure whoever you're trying to reach misses you too? But sorry to say you have the wrong number.

The random number doesn't text you back so you continue on with your night as if nothing had happened. But the next morning, when you wake up, you find yet another text message from the random number.

[From XXX-XXX-XXXX]: i am so sorry about those texts. I was drunk.

[To XXX-XXX-XXXX]: lol it's alright. You're forgiven.

You've had random numbers text you from time to time, but never a number that texts you in a drunken stupor yet again even after you've told them they had the wrong number. So the following night, you're surprised to see the stranger's number pop up again.

[From XXX-XXX-XXXX]: what r u doin?

[To XXX-XXX-XXXX]: umm…

[From XXX-XXX-XXXX]: r u a chick or a dude lol..

You snort. Of course. It's definitely a guy texting because had it been a drunk female there's no way she'd care to find out the gender. She'd most likely just text to her heart's content before passing out without a care in the world whether it was a guy or girl listening to her rant.

[To XXX-XXX-XXXX]: chick.

[From XXX-XXX-XXXX]: yess! Boyfriend?

[To XXX-XXX-XXXX]: jesus. You're really in top form tonight, aren't you?

[From XXX-XXX-XXXX]: baby i'm in top form every night ;)

[To XXX-XXX-XXXX]: and on that note, I'm out. Don't forget to chug some water before bed, Stranger Danger.

The texts continue the following weekend, the drunken stranger flirting to his heart's content. He's funny, is definitely down to cuddle, and really wants to spend the night though he has no clue who you are. You had asked for a name, but never got an answer. You weren't too alarmed about not knowing it since he was never really serious about coming over (at least you hoped not), but your curiosity ended up getting the better of you.

So after screenshotting a couple pages, you post them to Twitter after blacking out every number but the last four with the caption: Get you a stranger who'll drunk text you even after explaining you're not who he's looking for..

You weren't really expecting the screenshots to blow up the way they did, nor for anyone to actually know your drunken stranger, but sure enough a week later you're receiving private messages from none other than David Dobrik himself.

Planning to meet David Dobrik leaves you feeling a bit anxious, but you calm when he tells you his assistant Natalie will be joining him. So after hastily making some plans, you agree on meeting in a public park where there will be others around to make you feel a bit more comfortable.

You choose a pretty shaded spot beneath a tree in clear view of everyone milling about the park, and plop down with an assortment of snacks as you wait for David and Natalie to show up. Fortunately for you, you don't have to wait long. Natalie video calls you to find exactly where you're at and when she does it's not long before you're meeting them face to face.

David's already giggling and recording when he steps up to you, and you can't help but smile in return as you stand to greet them. "Hey. So, uh, it's cool to meet you guys." You briefly hug each of them before gesturing for them to sit with you.

"Likewise," David says. He and Natalie sit, and you offer them some of your snacks which Natalie readily digs in to. "So not to be rude and rush you, but can I please see the texts?"

You chuckle. "Yeah." Bringing forth your phone, you pull up the numerous texts from the number David claims to know. As you pass him your phone, you ask, "So you gonna tell me who Stranger Danger finally is?"

Natalie's eyes widen before she swats at David's arm. "You haven't told her?!"

"Ow! What?"

"David," she sighs.

You watch them, grinning. "I mean I kind of understood why David waited, but I'm really curious as to which one of your friends is thirsty as fuck to be texting a stranger."

David laughs as he continues to read. "Did he really say I'll show you mine if you show me yours?"

You grimace. "Yeah. Even sent me a dick pic which is why I tell him that I don't wanna see the peen a few texts down."

"Oh my god," Natalie muses. "He didn't."

"He did. Now can I please know whose penis I have seared into my brain?"

Natalie facepalms as David says, "Toddy."

"Toddy?" You brow furrows as you try to recall which one Toddy is. It isn't until Natalie shows you a picture of Toddy on her own phone do your eyes widen. "Oh. Oh wow."

David snorts and Natalie winks as she puts her phone away. "So you never once asked what he looked like?" She then asks as David screenshots everything he can before airdropping the pictures to his own phone.

"I mean I didn't really care about what he looked like," you shrug. "I found amusement in the texts and it surprised me that he continued to text every time he got drunk. I asked for a name eventually, but he never gave one."

"So he doesn't know your name or what you look like?" David asks, finally looking up at you.

"Nope."

He slowly smiles and Natalie groans. "I know that look. I hate that look. What are you thinking?"

David giggles. "I'm thinking of surprising Todd." You must make a face because David's quick to finish explaining. "It'll just be us and Todd. We can all hang out at my place and if the others show up, they show up. It'll be fine."

"I- I mean.." You trail off, glancing at Natalie. "What do you think? You've got a clearer head on your shoulders."

"Hey!"

Natalie huffs a small laugh. "It could be fun," she then says with a small shrug. "Todd will definitely find it funny, especially since you exposed him on Twitter. He'll also be happy that you're cute."

You blush as they stare at you, anxiously awaiting your answer. And after taking a moment to think about it, you sigh. "What the hell. Let's do it."

David cheers and they waste no time in helping you gather your trash. David offers for Natalie to drive his car while he drives with you, and she agrees. Then on the way to his house, David records some more to get more of your story for his vlog.

He finds out you're single to which he ooh's at and casually mentions that Todd is single as well, and is quite fascinated to learn that you think his friend is hot. You laugh and end up blushing, so to make you feel a little better he mentions that you're his friend's type as well. But all too soon you're pulling up to David's house where he's instructing you to park behind the safety of his gate.

You've seen his house in several of his videos, but it still leaves you awestruck as they lead you inside. All shoes are left by the front door and you can't help but stare at the ridiculously large bean bag chair when you enter the living room.

"Dibs."

"On?" David asks, he and Natalie immediately plopping down on the couch and stretching out on opposite ends.

"The bean bag." You cautiously take a seat and let yourself sink into it, smiling at David's giggling. Once you're completely laid back and curled up, you sigh in contentment. "I definitely need to invest in one of these."

"It really is comfortable." David taps away on his phone, humming. "So Todd should be here in a couple of hours. Does anyone want to order food while we wait?"

"Food. Yes!" Natalie groans.

"Does anyone deliver a good burger? I am so down for a burger and fries," you grumble.

David turns on his TV while Natalie orders the food. Bohemian Rhapsody is on and you urgently plead for David to leave it on that. He does and you have no shame in singing along or clapping to the Queen songs. The We Will Rock You scene leads you to performing your own rendition of the song, and both David and Natalie crack up when you sing the entire song from heart.

The food eventually gets there and you all take a seat at the kitchen counters. However, not even halfway through with your food, Todd texts David that he's outside.

"Oh shit, Y/N. Hide!" David tells you.

You nearly fall off your stool to which Natalie nearly chokes on her food laughing at, but she's quick to help you into the guest bathroom that's just around the corner. She leaves you alone and rejoins David, and it's not long before a third voice enters the mix.

          ----------

Todd walks into the kitchen, yawning and ruffling his hair. He nods at Natalie as she washes a few dishes to place in the dishwasher, and then takes a seat next to David who has his camera set up across from him.

"So what's going on?" He asks, stealing a french fry from the tray in front of him.

"I called you over here because I want to hear your side of the story," David informs him, slowly grinning.

Todd freezes, nervously chuckling as Natalie smirks at him. "About?"

"About this." David pulls up tweet that went viral, showing Toddy the screenshots of his text messages.

"She didn't," Todd exclaims, laughing. "Fuck. She did!"

"You've been exposed," Natalie muses. "How does it feel?"

"How did you even find these? Or even connect them back to me," Todd then wonders. "Wait does she have a pic?"

"No," David laughs, taking back his phone. "And I know it's you because the last four digits are the exact same as yours, and when I DM'd her I confirmed that the number she had was the same one I had for you. It was a long shot really, but I'm glad I took that leap of faith."

"You talked to her?!"

"Yeah. She's really cool. I think you'd like her."

"Really?"

"Really," Natalie agrees. "And if you keep eating her food, she's going to murder you."

          ----------

"And if you keep eating her food, she’s going to murder you."

"My food?" You mumble. But then Natalie's words click and your eyes widen. You can hear Todd beginning to ask something, but you throw open the door and march out towards the kitchen. "Not another bite, Stranger Danger!"

Todd nearly falls off the stool from where he whirls around so fast and you can't help but laugh. He's surprised, but beams a moment later, and you slowly walk towards him.

"You're the- you're her?"

"Yep." You stop a few feet in front of him. "And you're him- the drunk texter."

"Holy shit." He laughs, shaking his head at David whose recording it all, and then asks you, "Can I hug you? Is that weird?"

"You've sent me a dick pic, man. There's no getting more weird than that."

The tips of Todd's ears burn red as he moves in for a hug and you embrace him briefly. When he lets go, however, he keeps one arm around your shoulders as he faces David's camera once more. "So how much of my texts have you actually seen?"

"Everything but the picture," David giggles. "Y/N deleted it."

"Y/N?" Todd then glances down at you.

"Yep. And you're Todd. It's nice to officially meet you."

"Aw. Aren't you two adorable," David teases. "Now come on. Let's move this to the living room. It's getting weird just standing around."

"Wait. Hold on." You scurry forward and grab up your half eaten burger, taking one last big bite from it before heading towards the living room.

Todd watches you go, gaze adoringly watching your every step. "Marry me."

With bulging cheeks, you wink and continue on.

David and Natalie retake their spots on the couch, and the bean bag is so large that Todd throws himself next to you after you've settled down. The problem with the bean bag, however, is that you end up sliding towards Todd since he's heavier. He winks when you bump into him and you huff a laugh, but you get settled either way and pull out your phone to give you something to do.

Todd, you find out, is an Instagram hoe and you find yourself taking numerous selfies with him- some with filters and some without. You're even in his Instastories, laughing and trying to cover your face, but it's no use. He gives no explanation as to who you are, only that you're a friend. He even posts quick little videos of David and Natalie, and you arguing with David over which movie to watch.

You have no idea how long you've been with the group, only that it feels like you've known these people for a long time, so it's no big surprise that other friends of theirs show up to hang out.

Erin and Carly show up together, followed by Zane and Matt.

"Wait. So let me get this straight," Erin exclaims. "You," she points at Todd, "have been texting her," she then points at you, "for weeks? And you had no clue what the other looked like or names and this is your first time meeting?"

From your position- Todd stretched out one way and you the other with your legs draped over his- you grin. "Yep."

"Todd!" Carly laughs. "What even- how?"

"I thought I was texting Corinna!" He defends himself, chuckling. "I deleted Corinna's number, and she and Y/N have similar numbers. Totally accidental."

Everyone glances at you and you roll your eyes. "Chill. I knew his texts were intended for the ex. I even encouraged him to text her, but his drunken self found more amusement with a stranger."

Natalie snorts. "I'll say. He asked for nudes pretty frequently."

"Todd!" Matt cackles at the same time Zane muses, "Baby, no."

"Don't worry, I never sent them. I got more respect for myself than that," you say. "Todd, on the other hand, has no shame."

"You didn't," Erin says.

"It was one time!"

"It was still a dick pic." You grin. "And come on, man, who are you trying to kid? Your texts were thirsty as fuck at times."

"I have got to see these texts," Zane says.

Smirking, you pull up the text messages on your phone and move to toss your phone to an eager Zane. But seeing what you're about to do, Todd grips your thigh just enough to make you laugh in surprise. "Y/N, don't."

Zane's still reaching for the phone so Todd rolls over you. You grunt at the added weight, wiggling just enough to roll both you and Todd off the bean bag and onto the floor. You both grunt when you land.

"Oh my god," David laughs. "This is better than two girls fighting in baby oil."

Everyone's laughing now, especially when Todd says, "There's nothing better than two girls fighting in baby oil," as he gets the upper hand and straddles your stomach.

Your phone slips out of your hand, which he's quick to grab up, but with your free hand you're free to pinch Todd's nipple through his shirt. He yelps and you're quick to buck him off, you then rolling the both of you in order to straddle his stomach before reaching towards his outstretched arm for your phone.

Todd goes oddly still before giggling and it's all too easy to reclaim your phone. "You know what, I'm not even mad about this position."

Slightly leaning up to glance between you and Todd, you huff a laugh when you see his face is practically in between your tits. "You're a dick." As you fully sit up, you pinch Todd again to which he giggles at and then toss your phone at Zane. "You have free reign to read every one of Todd's texts now. Enjoy." Zane cheers, Matt, Erin, and Carly quickly crowding him to read them as well.

Todd pokes your waist and you flinch, your waist being very ticklish, and the two of you end up slapping each other's hands as you slide off of him and back onto the beanbag. Todd's beaming smile makes your heart beat a little harder and you're grateful he can't hear it.

"You're kind of strong," Todd says as he ends up settling next to you once more.

"I should hope so. I grew up with two older brothers. You best believe they tried every wrestling move on me until I learned how to get out of it."

"They still tease you?"

"All the time." You slowly smile, chuckling at fond memories. "What about you? Any siblings you fight with?"

"Nah. I'm an only child."

"So you're an only child who still acts like a child, huh?"

"Hey!"

Todd reaches over as if he's going to tickle you and you curl up in order to protect yourself. "No! I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

He chuckles softly and reaches for you again, but he only hooks an arm under your neck and pulls you in so you're curled into his side. "How much longer can you stay?"

You hum. "Not much longer," you admit. "I live about an hour away so I should be on the road pretty soon."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

Zane, Matt, Carly, and Erin are still hysterical over Todd's drunken texts, David and Natalie are in their own world, as are you and Todd. His calm demeanor puts you at ease and you suddenly find yourself wishing you could stay much longer in his presence.

"Aw. Look at them," David suddenly teases. When you and Todd look at him, David smirks. "You're welcome."

You snort. "Shut up." Todd opens up his phone to momentarily distract himself, but in doing so you see the time. "Shit," you mumble. "It's already that late? I need to go."

Todd's head snaps in your direction. "Aw. No."

"Sorry, but I need to." He frowns and your heart goes out to him for a bit. "Tell you what. Let's go grab some dinner. You take your car and I'll take mine so I can leave afterward."

"Fuck it. Let's do it." You and Todd stand up, and everyone readily stares at you. "Nope," he tells them. "None of you are invited."

As the weeks slowly pass, nothing really changes with the exception that you've made friends with several Youtubers, and Todd's taken to texting you when he's sober as well now- maybe even hanging out when he's not with everyone else. So it's really no surprise when you get a FaceTime call from David as you're scrolling through social media before you put a movie on.

Accepting the call, you squint at the too bright room on David's end. "Do you have to have all those lights on? Jesus." As you move around, you end up laying back on your pillows.

He grins. "It's not even midnight. Why are you in bed already?"

"I'm not in bed-bed." You roll your eyes. "I was just getting ready to watch a movie. It just so happens that it's more enjoyable to watch from the comfort of a bed."

"Yeah? Which movie?"

"Guess."

"Bohemian Rhapsody."

"Goddammit."

David giggles. "You have a serious problem when it comes to that kid from Jurassic Park who's all grown up now."

"Joe Mazzello went from an adorable little nerd to total daddy material. He deserves all my love."

"Jesus Christ." You grin at David's amusement. Eventually though, his laughter tapers off. "Well I'll let you get back to your movie, but I need to record something real quick. You game?"

"If it involves me leaving my bed, then no. Other than that, let's do this."

"No. This is good." David props his phone up so he can hold his camera with both hands and record the call. Then, he says, "So since I posted the video of you and Todd meeting, the viewers have gone crazy."

"Of course they have."

"Inquiring minds need to know," he smirks, "if you're still Todd's booty text or if an honest friendship has blossomed from my intervening?"

You roll your eyes, teeth digging into the bottom corner of your lip as you fight off a blush. "Why does this feel like an episode of Catfish where the host is checking in weeks later to see how I'm doing?"

"Just answer the question, Y/N."

"Fine." You sigh. "Hold on." Getting out of bed, you then make your way downstairs. Heading for the kitchen, you then flip the camera on your phone. "Does this answer your question?"

Upon hearing your voice, Todd turns around from his place at the kitchen island where he was fixing a bowl of popcorn. He smiles. "What are you doing?"

"Oh my god!"

Todd's smile falters but your wink lets him know all is good. Sidling up to his left side, you hip check him as you flip the camera back so it catches both you and Todd. "An honest friendship has blossomed," you say. "I am introducing him to my current favorite movie."

Todd chuckles as he leans closer to the screen, his expression then morphing into one of mock horror. "Help me."

"No way. Natalie owes me twenty bucks! NATALIE!" David then sets his camera aside, picking his phone back up as he starts walking around. "So how long have you guys been hanging out for behind our backs?"

"Since you introduced us face to face," Todd says. "And we weren't exactly going behind your back, we just-"

"We wanted to hang out without anyone making a big deal out of it." You shrug. "But it's been long enough and you're going to make a big deal out of it no matter what, so.."

"So if you don't mind," Todd says as he takes your phone from you, "Y/N and I got a movie to watch."

"Wait! Just answer one question," David says. Todd goes quiet, nodding. "Did you finally get Y/N to cuddle you?"

Todd and David explode with laughter at the same time, and that seems to be all David needs to hear. You take your phone back, shaking your head. "Goodbye, David. We'll text you later if you're still awake." And before he can retort, you end the call before pocketing your phone.

"I guess the cat's out of the bag," Todd muses, shrugging sheepishly.

"Well not the whole cat." You slowly smile, leaning up on the tips of your toes and pressing your lips to Todd's. "And it's going to stay that way just a little bit longer. Your fans are crazy."

"Whatever you say, babe. Now can we please go watch that movie of yours? You got me all hyped up after those Queen songs you played all afternoon long."

"Sure thing." Todd grabs the bowl of popcorn and you grab some drinks from the refrigerator. As he follows you back up the stairs, you say, "Now don't get all huffy when I eventually swoon. I adore you, but I adore Joe and Gwilym just a little bit more."

"You're a terrible girlfriend."

"And I'm afraid I don't get much better." You huff a laugh. "You signed up for this, babe. Get used to it."

[walterfilmmemorabilia-blog]

10 LGBTQ Performers in the 1970's

The Stonewall riots were a series of spontaneous, violent demonstrations by members of the gay (LGBT) community against a police raid that began in the early morning hours of June 28, 1969, at the Stonewall Inn in the Greenwich Village neighborhood of New York City. They are widely considered to constitute the most important event leading to the gay liberation movement and the modern fight for LGBT rights in the United States. Wikipedia

What followed in the 1970’s was a rising tide of LGBTQ performers that “came out” to express their unique take on music, theater and sexual (transgender) identity. Here are 10 of those performers and a brief look at what they contributed to the movement and to our culture. Click on the image to learn more about the performer.

JAYNE COUNTY

As rock’s first openly transgender singer, Jayne Rogers (born June 13, 1947), better known by her stage name Jayne County, is an American singer, songwriter, actress and record producer whose career spans five decades. While dressed in female attire from the beginning of her career, County transitioned to female in 1979, becoming Jayne (as the above poster illustrates).

She made her first performing appearances as Wayne County in Wayne County and The Electric Chairs. In 1969 she appeared in Jackie Curtis’ play Femme Fatale. County considered Curtis a major influence on her career and persona and County is widely considered an influence on David Bowie –– County’s Queenage Baby number was the prototype for Bowie’s Rebel Rebel. Even more notable was her play, World – Birth of A Nation, which was set in a hospital and dealt with male castration –– evoking both transgender surgery and her mixed feelings about men, both gay and straight.

After seeing the play, Andy Warhol cast her in his play Pork. She went on to appear in the film The Blank Generation (1976).  Back and forth between New York and London, she settled in Atlanta Georgia. In 2018, County debuted a retrospective show of visual art in the New York City gallery, Participant, Inc.

County’s life and art is considered an inspirational influence on John Cameron Mitchell’s transgender rock musical Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

JACKIE CURTIS

“Jackie Curtis is not a drag queen. Jackie is an artist. A pioneer without a frontier,” so said Andy Warhol. Andy was right. Jackie Cutis (1947-1987) was a true original. Long before he became one of the Pop master’s superstars. Curtis distinguished himself by appearing (alternately) as a James Dean-like male and a Jean Harlow-like female in Off-off Broadway plays of his own devise in which he and his friends appeared:

Glamour, Glory And Gold, co-starred Candy Darling, and Robert DeNiroin his first New York stage appearance;

Vain Victory, also starred Darling with Warhol and Jack Smith star Mario Montez;

Amerika Cleopatra featured a thin barely-known Harvey Fierstein;

Femme Fatale, starred Patti Smith, Jayne County and Penny Arcade; and

Heaven Grand In Amber Orbit toplined Holly Woodlawn. These were all makeshift, wildly tossed together affairs having little to do with plot and character but tons to do with exhibitionistic self-expression.

Outside of such Warhol films as Flesh (1968) and Women in Revolt (1972), Jackie’s most notable screen appearance was in Yugoslavia agant-gardist Dusan Makvejev’s W.R.: Mysteries of the Organism – a film about sex researcher Willhelm Reich, creator of the so-called Orgone Box. Makvejev felt Jackie presence in the film added a lot to his view of Reich’s sexual theories.

DIVINE

Born Harris Glenn Milsted in 1945, this life-affirming, overweight transvestite was re-named Divine (after the hero/heroine of Jean Genet’s Our Lady of the Flowers ) by the writer-director John Waters, who discovered her right down the block from where he lived. Through his films Waters turned a lonely overweight kid from Baltimore into one of the biggest (in every sense of the word) of all underground movie stars.

In Waters’ comedies, Pink Flamingoes, Female Trouble, Polyester and Hairspray, Divine redefined what it means to be a movie star. Waters called him The Most Beautiful Woman in The World and if you’ve seen Divine on stage of screen you’ll know why; for like his idol, Elizabeth Taylor, Divine was overwhelmingly sui generis.

While beloved for his films, Divine was a prolific LGBTQ performer on stage and in nightclubs. This above poster memorializes one of them . In this particular show — Vice— Divine appeared with many of the members of the legendary San Francisco drag troupe, The Cockettes.

Sadly, Divine (now a gay, transgender icon) died in 1988 of respiratory problems, days after the opening of his greatest acting success, Hairspray. Those lucky enough to see his club appearances also recall Divine for numbers like this —

CASSELBERRY & DUPREE

Mixing Reggae, Country and Gospel, Casselberry and Dupree are a dynamic lesbian duo who have performed with Harry Belafonte and Whoppi Goldberg, They appeared in the Oscar-nominated Art Is and the Oscar-winning The Times of Harvey Milk. The early 70s was a great time for Sapphic folk music, featured as it was at such venues as Lilith Fair. Jaqué Dupree and J. Casselberry offer a stellar example of it in: CASSELBERRYY AND DUPREE “TWO OF US”

CHARLES PIERCE

Charles Piece 1926-1999 was what might be called a female impersonator (he called himself a Male Actress) who found favor with audiences both straight and gay with his knowing impressions of Bette Davis, Mae West, Tallulah Bankhead and Carol Channing, Such impersonations were quite  traditional for a comic performer of this sort. But as can be seen and heard in this clip of his rendition of Katherine Hepburn, Pierce kept pace with the blossoming LGBTQ movement with many of his zingers evidencing a keen awareness of the difference the out and proud LGBTQ movement had made in  a straight-dominated world.

Headlining a production of Applause was a real tour de force for Piece as this musical version of All About Eve gave him leave to do Bette Davis (star of the original film) and Lauren Bacall (star of the musical remake) at the same time.

JUDITH ANDERSON

Stage and screen star Judith Anderson (1897-1992.) best remembered by the general public for playing the sinister lesbian “Mrs. Danvers” in Hithcock’s Rebecca (1940) and “Ann Treadwell” the socialite who’s keeping Vincent Price’s “Shelby Carpenter” in Laura  The latter was quite low-key in that the character was straight, whereas “Mrs. Danvers” was a full-force lesbian.

Despite the obvious she was married twice. Her first husband was an English professor, Benjamin Harrison Lehmann. They were married in 1937 and divorced  in 1939. Then, in 1946, she married theatrical  producer Luther Greene. They divorced in 1951. Of these marriages Anderson said. “Neither experience was a jolly holiday.”

While Sarah Bernhardt had famously performed  Hamlet in the late 19th century, few actresses have ever tried it. Taking it on at an advanced age, as Anderson did, was quite novel. Doing it when she did, put Anderson in league with the avant-garde gender-benders of the early 70s like Jackie Curtis and Holly Woodlawn.

CRAIG RUSSELL

Craig Russell, born Russell Crag Easie in 1948 in Toronto Canada, this female impersonator carved out a considerable career for himself doing such stars as Bette Davis, Tallulah Bankhead and Mae West — having come to know the last-mentioned personally as he briefly worked as her secretary in Los Angeles. Many LGBTQ performers of this genre did impressions of these stars. But there was an edginess to Russell’s work clearly influenced by the rise of the gay rights movement.

He toured widely, appearing in Las Vegas, Hollywood, San Francisco, Berlin, London, Paris, Amsterdam, Hamburg and Sydney, to the delight of a variety of audiences. But he won a special place in the hearts of the gay ones, as shown in the 1977 comedy-drama Outrageous in which he plays a character largely based on himself.

Interestingly, Russell — who always identified himself as gay — was bisexual. He fathered a daughter, Susan Allison, in 1973, and in 1982 married his closest female friend Lori Jenkins. The marriage lasted right through to the end of Russell’s life in 1990 when he died from AIDS complications.

SYLVESTER

Sylvester James Jr. (1947-1988) was born in Los Angeles, but first came to public attention when he moved to San Francisco and joined the legendary gay hippie performance troupe The Cockettes. A genuinely original singing talent  Sylvester showcased a high, shimmering falsetto and a variety of styles encompassing gospel, disco and cabaret. His look was utterly androgynous. While he sometimes appeared in “drag” he most often sported ensembles suitable to both genders.

Wildly popular in San Francisco he performed solo shows at the city’s opera house. When he died from AIDS complications the entire city mourned, along with everyone else who came to know the man and his music.

STEVEN GROSSMAN

Steve Grossman (1951-1991) a gay singer-songwriter of the early 1970s whose album Caravan Tonight (1974) is distinguished as being the first album dealing with openly gay subject matter released by a major record label, Mercury Records.

He died from AIDS leaving his Joni Mitchell-inflected songs, recorded much in the style of singer-songwriter Cat Stevens, opposed to the then-current glam Bowiesque fashion of openly gay artists. Among them, “Out” is a deeply moving coming-out song directed to his Father mother and brother.

OUR GUEST AUTHOR

DAVID EHRENSTEIN

Born in 1947, David Ehrenstein has been a film critic and political commentator since 1965, writing for such publications as Film Culture, Film Quarterly, Cahiers du Cinema, and the Los Angeles Times. His books include Open Secret: Gay Hollywood 1928-2000,  The Scorsese Picture: The Art and Life of Martin Scorsese and Cahiers du Cinema — Masters of Cinema: Roman Polanski .

Blog is originally published at: https://www.walterfilm.com/10-lgbtq-performers-in-the-1970s/

It is republished with permission from the author.

[tipsycad147]

Different Types of Witchcraft

Many just beginning their studies of Magick think that there is only one Witchcraft, that being Wicca.

Why magick and not magic? The answer is quite simple…magic is what Copperfield and other illusionists perform. Magick is true, not an illusion. I will never forget the intense surge of power I felt vibrating in my body the first time I practised magick, and I get that same feeling every time.

I believe it is important for beginners to realise that their are many more paths one can follow. By learning about different ones, it can not only enrich your knowledge, but even guide you towards a path that’s best suited for you. It is common for people use the terms Witchcraft and Wicca interchangeably. Whether they are different or just a way of describing the same thing depends on which Witch you ask. Either way you look at it, there is more than one path or tradition. The following are just a few descriptions of some of the most common.

Alexandrian:

Founded in England during the 1960’s by Alexander Sanders, self-proclaimed “King of the Witches”. An offshoot of Gardnerian, Alexandrian covens focus strongly upon training, emphasizing on areas more generally associated with ceremonial magic, such as Qabalah, Angelic Magic and Enochian. The typical Alexandrian coven has a hierarchical structure, and generally meets on weekly, or at least on Full Moons, New Moons and Sabbats. Rituals are usually done skyclad.

Most Alexandrian covens will allow non-initiates to attend circles, usually as a “neophyte,” who undergoes basic training in circle craft prior to being accepted for the 1st degree initiation. Alexandrian Wicca uses essentially the same tools and rituals as Gardnerian Wicca, though in some cases, the tools are used differently, and the rituals have been adapted. Another frequent change is to be found in the names of deities and guardians of the Quarters. In some ways these differences are merely cosmetic, but in others, there are fundamental differences in philosophy. Over the last 30 years, the two traditions have moved slowly towards each other, and the differences which marked lines of demarcation are slowly fading away.

Celtic:

The Celtic path is really many traditions under the general heading of “Celtic.” It encompasses Druidism, Celtic Shamanism, Celtic Wicca or Witta, the Grail Religion, and Celtic Christianity or Culdees. Each path is unique and stand alone meld together with another and still be part of the Celtic tradition. It is primarily derived from the ancient pre Christian Celtic religion of Gaul and the British Isles.

As it is practiced today, most of the Celtic paths are part of the Neo-Pagan revival, focusing on Nature and healing with group and individual rituals that honour the Ancient Shining Ones and the Earth. Most are very eclectic, and hold to the Celtic myths, divinities, magic and rituals. Celtic paths are some of the more popular traditions.

Ceremonial:

Uses a great deal of Ceremonial Magick in practices. Mostly derived from the works of Aleister Crowley. Detailed rituals with a flavor of Egyptian magick are popular, as Qabalistic ritual forms.

Chaos:

Chaos magic theory says that belief is an active magical force. It emphasises flexibility of belief and the ability to consciously choose one’s beliefs, hoping to apply belief as a tool rather than seeing it as a relatively unchanging part of one’s personality. Various psychological techniques are employed in order to induce flexibility of belief. Other chaos magicians suggest that people do not need belief to work magic. Austin Osman Spare asserts in The Book of Pleasure and various other works that will formulates desire which promulgates belief.

Chaos magic was first formulated in West Yorkshire, England in the 1970s. A meeting between Peter J. Carroll and Ray Sherwin in Deptford in 1976 has been claimed as the point of emergence of chaos magic, and in 1978 Carroll and Sherwin founded the Illuminates of Thanateros, a chaos magic organisation. The Book of Results is the first book dedicated to the subject of sigilisation and The Theatre of Magick in which Chaos as a separate discipline was first mentioned.

Visionary artist and mystic Austin Osman Spare, who was briefly a member of Aleister Crowley’s A∴A∴ but later broke with them to work independently, is largely the source of chaos magical theory and practice. Specifically, Spare developed the use of sigils and the use of gnosis to empower these. Most basic sigil work recapitulates Spare’s technique, including the construction of a phrase detailing the magical intent, the elimination of duplicate letters, and the artistic recombination of the remaining letters to form the sigil. Although Spare died before chaos magick emerged, many consider him to be the father of chaos magic because of his repudiation of traditional magical systems in favour of a technique based on gnosis.

Dianic:

This is the most feminist Craft Tradition. Most Dianic covens worship the Goddess exclusively (Diana and Artemis are the most common manifestations) and most today are women only. Rituals are eclectic; some are derived from Gardnerian and Faery traditions, while others have been created anew. Emphasis is on rediscovering and reclaiming female power and divinity, consciousness-raising, and combining politics with spirituality. The Dianic Craft included two distinct branches:

The first Dianic coven in the U.S. was formed in the late ��60s by Margan McFarland and Mark Roberts, in Dallas, Texas. This branch gives primacy to the Goddess in its theology, but honours the Horned God as Her beloved Consort. Covens include both women and men. This branch is sometimes called ‘Old Dianic,’ and there are still covens of this tradition specially in Texas. Other coven, similar in theology but not directly descended from the McFarland/Roberts line are sprinkled around the country.

The other branch, Feminist Dianic Witchcraft, focuses exclusively on the Goddess and consists of women-only covens, often with a strong lesbian presence. These tend to be loosely structured and non-hierarchical, using consensus decision making and simple, creative, experimental ritual. They are politically feminist groups, usually very supportive, personal and emotionally intimate. The major network is Re-Formed Congregation of the Goddess. Z Budapest founded the Susan B. Anthony Coven in 1971, declaring Dianic Witchcraft to be “Wimmin’s Religion”. The Women’s Spirituality Forum was Founded by Z Budapest in 1986, and is dedicated to bringing Goddess consciousness to the mainstream of feminist consciousness through lectures and, retreats, classes, cable TV shows, and rituals in the effort to achieve spiritual and social liberation.

Draconic Wicca:

Draconic Wicca is the utilization of the powers of the dragons. There are as many dragons as there are people. They are as varied as humans are also. We work with these dragons to achieve the results that we seek. In doing so, we have to deal with the unique personalities of each type of dragon. The dragons have no real hierarchy other than age, except for the case of The Dragon. The Dragon is the combined powers of the God and the Goddess. The Dragon is invoked or evoked during Sabbats and in times when great magick is needed (not when you can not find your keys). Invoking means to call into you the power of the dragon that you name i.e. a fire dragon. You ask that this dragon assume himself/herself into your spiritual body. To evoke means to call a dragon to you, to join you in your magickal workings.

Eclectic:

Refers to groups and individuals who do not fully adhere to one specific form of Paganism. They choose to incorporate some beliefs, practices, rituals etc, of a few, or many paths to form a unique one that suits their spiritual needs. Gypsy magic tends to fall into this category.

Faery/Faerie/Fairy/Feri:

Victor and Cora Anderson are the original teachers of the Feri Tradition. Victor is universally recognised as the Grand Master of his order of Feri. He was initiated in 1926 by a priestess from Africa. He is also one of the last genuine Kahuna. His book of poetry, Thorns of the Blood Rose, is considered a contemporary Pagan classic.

In 1959, Victor initiated the late Gwydion Pendderwen (age 13 at the time), who later became a leading voice in the Feri Tradition. Gwydion concentrated on the Welsh Celtic aspects; whereas Victor and Cora still practice the tradition as it was originally, with Huna and African diasporic influences, primarily Dahomean-Haitian. The Feri Tradition honours the Goddess and Her son, brother and lover (The Divine Twins) as the primary creative forces in the universe. The Gods are seen as real spirit beings like ourselves, not merely aspects of our psyche.

It is an ecstatic, rather than fertility tradition, emphasising on polytheism, practical magic, self-development and theurgy. Strong emphasis is placed on sensual experience and awareness,including sexual mysticism, which is not limited to heterosexual expression. This is a mystery tradition of power, mystery, danger, ecstasy, and direct communication with divinity. Most initiates are in the arts and incorporate their own poetry, music and invocations into rituals.

The Tradition is gender-equal, and all sexual orientations seem able to find a niche. According to Francesca De Grandis, founder of the 3rd Road branch: “Faerie power is not about a liturgy but about one’s body: a Fey shaman’s blood and bones are made of stars and Faerie dust. A legitimate branch of Faerie is about a personal vision that is the Fey Folks’ gift to a shaman.”

Initially small and secretive, many of the fundamentals of the Tradition have reached a large audience trough the writings of Starhawk, the most famous initiate. Some secret branches remain. While only a few hundred initiates can trace their lineage directly to Victor Anderson, many thousands are estimated to practice neo-Faery Traditions.

Gardnerian:

This is a closed initiatory Tradition which was founded in England ca 1953 by Gerald Gardner and further developed by Doreen Valiente and others. Gardner was initiated into a coven of Witches in the New Forest region of England in 1939 by a High Priestess named ‘Old Dorothy’ Clutterbuck. In 1949 he wrote High Magic’s Aid, a novel about medieval Witchcraft in which quite a bit of the Craft as practised by the coven was used.

In 1951 the last of the English laws against Witchcraft were repealed (primarily due to to the pressure of Spiritualists) and Gardner published Witchcraft Today, which set forth a version of rituals and traditions of that coven.

Gardner gave his Tradition a ritual framework strongly influenced by Freemasonry and Crowleyan ceremonial magic, as well as traditional folk magic and Tantric Hinduism. The Tradition was brought to the USA in 1965 by Raymond & Rosemary Buckland, who were initiated in 1964 by the Gardner’s High Priestess, Lady Olwen.

Gardnerian covens are always headed by a High Priestess and have three degrees of initiation closely paralleling the Masonic degrees. Worship is centered on the Goddess and the Horned God. The tradition emphasises polarity in all things, fertility, and the cycle of birth-death-rebirth. Eight seasonal Sabbats are observed, and the Wiccan Rede is the guiding principle. Power is raised through scourging and sex magick (“The Great Rite”), as well as meditation, chanting, astral projection, dancing, wine and cords. Designed for group/coven work, through solitary workings have been created. Covens work skyclad.

Shamanic Witchcraft:

This term refers to practices associated with those of tribal shamans in traditional Pagan cultures throughout the world. A shaman combines the roles of healer, priest (ess), diviner, magician, teacher and spirit guide, utilising altered states of consciousness to produce and control psychic phenomena and travel to and from the spirit realm. Followers of this path believe that historical Witchcraft was the shamanic practice of European Pagans; and Medieval Witches actually functioned more as village shamans than as priests and priestesses of :the Old Religion.”

Shamanic Witchcraft emphasises serving the wider community through rituals, herbalism, spell craft, healings, counselling, rites of passage, handfastings, Mystery initiations, etc. The distinguishing element of Shamanic Witchcraft is the knowledge and sacramental use of psychotropic plants to effect transitions between worlds. The theory and practice of Shamanic Witchcraft has permeated widely though out many other established Traditions.

Stregheria:

Stregheria is the form of witchcraft native to Italy; there are several distinct traditions sharing common roots, in various parts of Italy. Also called, La Vecchia Religione, Stregheria is a nature-based religion, it’s followers worship the forces of Nature, personified as gods and goddesses. The witches of La Vecchia Religione are called Streghe (plural), with the title Strega (for a female), Stregone (for a male).

Stregheria is rooted in the folk religion of the Latins (the Romans being one Latin people) and the Etruscans. In the particular tradition, taught by Raven Grimassi in Ways of the Strega, the pantheon is different from the urban gods of the Romans, though some of those deities were shared with the Latins, and the Etruscans, most notably Diana, whose worship was focused at a temple at Lake Nemi in the Alban Hills. There are however other traditions of Stregheria in Italy, who may worship the urban gods of the Romans.

The particular tradition taught by Raven Grimassi in Ways of the Strega, is derived from a renewal that occurred in the 14th century brought about by a wise woman from Tuscany called Aradia. This does not imply that witchcraft in Italy began in the 14th century. La Vecchia Religione is an evolution of pre-christian religions in Italy. The tradition taught by Aradia was a revival of the Old Ways during a time of extreme persecution of the peasants of Italy.

Wiccan Shamanism:

Founded by Selena Fox in the 1980’s. Ecumenical and multicultural focus. Combination of Wicca, humanistic psychology and a variety of shamanistic practices from around the world. Emphasis on healing. Uses traditional shamanistic techniques to change consciousness, such as drumming and ecstatic dancing.

https://shirleytwofeathers.com/The_Blog/bookofshadows/book-of-shadows/different-types-of-witchcraft/

[willidleaway]

Doctor Who, series 12, episodes 1 and 2

In short: I love two-parters and I’m glad Spyfall was a two-parter. The conclusion wasn’t entirely satisfying, parts of this felt like a retread of old favourite story elements (including from The Curse of Fatal Death—seriously!), and I think there was a bit of disjointness between the two parts, but this is still a very good start to series 12, and I’m 90% sure I’m not saying that just because he’s back.

In slightly less short, still without spoilers:

—Positives: good tension throughout part 1, including the cliffhanger (hangar?); loved seeing historical characters tag along and interact in part 2, in one of the better attempts of Chibnall!Who at being educational; strong performances all around from heroes and villains.

—Negatives: part 2 has me fearing for a regression from some of the positive aspects of series 11; the villains weren't really fleshed out enough, especially in their motivation.

Verdict: Go watch Doctor Who and the Curse of Fatal Death. It’s quite funny.

Oh, you mean about this two-parter? It’s good. Could have been great, though—almost should have been with its set pieces—and it didn’t strike me as great.

In less short, with spoilers:

OK, so I don’t even have much to say about part 1 because it really is all setup. We’ve got weird higher-dimensional ghosty things, they’re attacking spies all around the world and swapping their DNA out with something else, except they either won’t or can’t attack Yas and send her instead to some weird alternate dimension. Yas and Ryan go off to find out that Google are involved [0] in some sinister fashion because their CEO is totally in league with the aliens and is himself 7% alien, but it turns out the real mastermind is ... the Master! Dun dun dun. Very much the Dark Water reveal, right down to the gender swap.

So at the end of part 1, the situation is that the Doctor is in the same realm that Yas had ended up in, and her companions are in a crashing plane. So how is this all resolved?

Well, the second one is easy. It’s a time travel show. Do the Blink gambit! [1] Just go back in time after everything’s done, plant some signs and a recording on the plane, and they can land completely unscathed! In Essex! (I’d say ‘unscathed/Essex: pick one’, but obviously Graham feels differently.)

This is fine, but ultimately the companions don’t ... do much from there? It’s the series 3 finale thing again where they’ve got to go off-grid, except in series 3 where Martha is planting the seeds for, well, that conclusion. But she’s at least got some kind of agency in the story. Here, Graham and Yas and Ryan are ... chased? I mean, it did give us Graham laser-tap-dancing his way out of those situations, and I will be forever happy that that was a thing that happened, but overall they had so little to do other than have villainous speeches and antics spouted at them. Frankly, from a purely logistical point of view, it would have made very little difference if the Doctor had just picked them up on the plane before it crashed, because of course the Doctor had sorted everything out about the Silver Lady and the Kasaavins and all.

So I found that fairly unfortunate, especially given Yas and Ryan’s crucial actions (and their rather excellent performances) in part 1.

Resolving the Doctor’s cliffhanger seems a little trickier, and it leads to some of the disjointness I was talking about at the start between parts 1 and 2. In part 1 we’re led to believe that these pointy-hat white ghosts [2] are alien spies spying on Earth’s spies today. Here it turns out that, no, actually, they’re also spying on the Who’s Who of Earth computing and telecommunications.

This includes Ada Lovelace [3]—why she was also known as Ada Gordon is baffling to me given she was Lord Byron’s legitimate daughter and it’s not like Gordon was Byron’s surname (not blaming the show, just baffled at the apparent historical fact)—and later Noor Inayat Khan, the pacifist SOE hero with expertise in wireless telegraphy. It was really good to learn about them and their contributions, however briefly (although I have mixed feelings about the episode avoiding discussing Noor’s ultimate fate).

Thankfully they also get more to do than the companions—Ada hijacks a gun and fights off the Master while he’s distracted, while Noor hides Ada and the Doctor from Nazis and later feeds information to the Nazis to trap the Master. They then both go out and track down the Master’s TARDIS (although given his hubris it turns out to be not so difficult). That’s way more than laser-tap-dancing and being rather ineffectual otherwise!

My main gripe is how the Doctor wipes both their memories at the end—it’s not like the Doctor’s wiped the memories of Dickens or Shakespeare or even Queen Elizabeth! Anti-STEM discrimination, this is.

But overall I very much liked the Doctor in this power trio of women, although I think Ada got the short end of the stick out of the three of them. I suppose it may have been difficult because her abilities are relatively abstract—computer science is a bit more difficult to get across on screen compared to telegraphy and disinformation, so she has to make do with a gun instead.

So: strong companions in part 1 (although not so much in part 2), strong Doctor and historical figures in part 2. All fine and dandy. But let’s talk about the villains, because of course that’s the meat of the story.

OK, first off: that’s Lenny Henry?! God he’s unrecognisable. Goatee suits him, though. He looks sharp.

Daniel Barton, though, seems not so sharp, and not terribly interesting either. First off, he has all the information in the world yet can’t seem to be bothered to run a face recognition routine on Yas and Ryan when they’re undercover in his office as journalists. (Maybe he’s wilfully ignoring it. Maybe he just wants attention.) Then it turns out he’s 7% non-human, which is intriguing at the start but gets rather casually dismissed towards the end of part 2 as just him test-driving the DNA replacement idea.

But the real trouble was that I never found it terribly clear why Barton would have been interested in joining forces with the aliens to wipe out humanity. Did he just find the idea of using seven billion humans as data centres really appealing? Maybe, but what’s the use of all that data? Barton is most powerful as the head of basically Google, and all his data becomes utterly useless without the civilisation that actually needs it, surely.

Oh, then there are the Kasaavins themselves.

At first, their basic plan seems like it’s to wipe out Earth’s intelligence network, which makes sense as a step in an invasion. But then it turns out the ultimate point of their invasion is all about ... computers? And disk space, basically???

Why did they attach themselves to people like Ada Lovelace and Alan Turing and Steve Jobs? Was it to influence the evolution of computing in ways that made today’s computer architectures more vulnerable to ... whatever it is the Kasaavins later do through the Silver Lady and all of our modern devices? Sure, Ada Lovelace’s notes on computing engines were prescient and unquestionably influenced her spiritual successors like Turing, but I would personally have said more in the abstract. You'd definitely want to go after people like Woz, doing design on microcomputers much closer to our modern laptops and phones. I guess they figured it couldn’t hurt, anyway.

What exactly were they going to do with all that disk space? Why don’t they have their own massive storage devices? Why do they need to overwrite human DNA? Can’t they just build more DNA?

I dunno, maybe I’m overthinking it. I thought they were building towards a Matrix-style thing where all of human civilisation was going to just be someone’s cloud computing instance—but no, it’s hard drive space. It seemed a bit weak.

I think the Kasaavins suffered mostly for being in the same story as the newest incarnation of the Master.

The good thing about the Master, at least, is that he needs little motivation. He’s just mad. If he wants to wipe out all of humanity and the Kasaavins needing storage space happens to mean there may be a common interest there, the Master can just do that. That’s how the Master works.

He cuts an imposing figure at the start, I suppose—maniacal slick sort of fellow, shades of Simm’s incarnation in series 3 but still his own thing. But the way he works in this episode is just ... goofy. I mean, really? He just keeps tracking the Doctor through time? Can’t be bothered to keep tabs on whether someone’s trying to sabotage his master plan?

And then there’s the way the whole situation with the Nazis gets resolved.

I really thought he was going to go ‘seventy-seven years ... in a sodding twentieth century ...’, à la Jonathan Pryce’s excellent Master from Steven Moffat’s Comic Relief special. You know, the one from all the way back in 1999 where for the first half-ish, the Doctor and Master basically try to outwit each other through increasingly ridiculous time-travel hijinks, ending up with the Master having to crawl out a sewer for over nine hundred years.

Totally unlike this story, where the second half-ish involves the Doctor and Master trying to outwit each other through time-travel hijinks, and the Master ends up having to crawl out of his predicament for almost eight decades.

I’m not sure that’s a complaint, myself, frankly. For one thing, of course, when a show has gone on for over half a century, it’s difficult to avoid new stories running into old ones. But for another thing, saying something feels right out of a Comic Relief special isn’t necessarily a, erm, fatal flaw for Doctor Who. I prefer it when Doctor Who isn’t taking itself too seriously, just seriously enough.

Still, when you look at the big picture and look at all the retreads, I can’t help but think we’re heading back into the worst excesses of past new!Who.

For all its faults, I really enjoyed series 11 for how the narrative focus returned to the companions after much of the Moffat era’s obsession with ridiculously overpowered characters—Clara as the impossible girl, the Doctor as the Hybrid, the Doctor as literally where we get the word ‘doctor’, and so forth.

Well, now we’ve got the Master back and he’s gone and destroyed Gallifrey (negating the big winning moment of the 50th anniversary special, to boot) and it’s all because of some mysterious lie and it involves the Timeless Child that was mentioned for a hot five seconds last series??? It smacks of past new!Who arcs, especially under Moffat—and at least in my eyes those arcs have never gone terribly well. Those arcs have come at the expense of good companion characterisation as well, so overall it has me a bit concerned about series 12.

Sure, all these aspects of pre-series 11 Who returning to the show—the Daleks last year, and now the Master—maybe makes the show feel more like itself, much like how having a functional rebel force that’s not just confined to a single light freighter makes a Star Wars film feel more like Star Wars. I just worry that it’s a instinctive reaction against some of the mixed reactions to series 11, and that ultimately it’ll be an overreaction.

Good start, though, this two-parter. I just hope it doesn’t turn out to be the best story that series 12 gets.

Footnotes:

[0: Sure, they’re called Vor in the episodes, but first off they’re clearly meant to be Google, and second off it’s very awkward talking about ‘Vor’ being everywhere on the Internet and on everyone’s devices ... so for the purposes of this write-up I’m going to call them Google.]

[1: I know that in Blink, the Doctor and Martha are trapped in the past and have to plant the message in DVDs to get someone to get them out of trouble. But you know what I mean. Timey-wimey out-of-order rescue plan.

Maybe I ought to call it the Arrival gambit, after the excellent film from a few years back.]

[2: Makes them sound like alien Klansmen, doesn’t it?]

[3: What’s the opposite of née for the purposes of distinguishing maiden and married names in time travel stories? I guess mariée is as good as any ...]

[fuckthegovfucklove]

The Love Ideology: What is love?

Trying to define love is a bloody tiring mission encumbered by vagueness, contradictions and inconsistencies. So I’m not going to attempt to define the word but rather look at some of the different shapes love comes in within interpersonal relationships.

I want to look at the different types of love, the function of each, the power dynamics that exist and their relevance as a basis to share my speculative thoughts on the wider implications of love in later posts.

Loving is touted as a necessity, a source of joy and an objectively good thing for humanity. I’m not so sure I agree and I think a counter-argument against love is useful in redirecting our focus to more urgent issues and developing critical thought, or at the very least being more conscious of the way you love (if you must).

I briefly look at self love, romantic love, platonic love and familial love from a mainstream (western) perspective since that’s what's most prevalent and all I know anyway. Love is not confined to interpersonal relationships and critique of it can be extended to sentiments like unwaveringly love for homeland (patriotism), love for a public figure (idolatry), love for an ideology (cultism).

You’ll find that in every case where love is referred to, it could easily be replaced by a more revealing synonym.

Self love

I know your familiar with this one, we rave on about it all the time. It’s being content with who you are, knowing your “worth” (you see the capitalist undertones too right?). Some call it a radical self-acceptance and according to John Kim the ‘life coach’, self love looks like this:

“When you get to a place where you like yourself, the action of loving yourself will come more naturally. You’ll have non-negotiables. You won’t tolerate certain behaviour from others. You’ll seek less approval. Your friendships will be less lopsided. You won’t have as many holes to fill within you. You’ll be more gentle with yourself, more forgiving. You’ll believe you deserve more, better, different. You’ll finally stop breaking the promises you’ve made with you. And the relationship you have with yourself will improve. “

Ah so, curing all the problems caused by love (and capitalism) with more.. love? Think about why you do what you do. You compromise because you love, tolerate because you love, seek approval because you want love, your love is quantifiable and isn’t always reciprocated, love told you you need it feel whole, to love you must forgive, you deserve love.

Is loving yourself enough in a capitalist world that measures your social worth on how full your cup of love is? (think about the [profitable] factors that determine this too). Will the inferiority complex completely dissipate? If you walk out on the expectations of this here capitalist world perhaps, but abandoning the pursuit of love might be a quicker route.

“You can’t love somebody else until you love yourself“ is a widely known cliché typically used in a romantic context. Some critique the adage saying self-love isn’t actually a precondition for loving others, clinical psychologist Leon F. Seltzer proposes a better alternative: “To deepen your love and acceptance of another, first develop love and acceptance for yourself.” Interesting. I still think theres a semblance of truth in the former that could easily be extrapolated to other types of love.

See loving the Other can only be done by identifying parts of yourself within them and seeing qualities in them that you like. It’s impossible to imagine what loving something entirely disconnected from us looks like because everything is in some way connected to self. We extend ourselves to the object of our love so that by loving the Other we are also loving ourselves. Kierkegaard calls this ‘self-love’. Loving your partner is loving self, loving your friend is loving self, loving your family is loving self, loving your nation is loving self, loving the environment is loving self, loving an ideology is loving self; no matter how selfless or sacrificial the nature. Thus, I have made the cheeky decision to sub them all under this title.

Romantic love

The most sought after, most regulated, most distracting and arguably the most delusional of loves. Romance is where we can write our own fiction and relies on our own imagination to create a world where it can function. Driven by our libidinal desires, we seek to conquer the heart of another. Our romantic interests becoming personified virtues who make us feel like we’ve never felt before (until they don’t).

It is here we are forced to learn a gender and organise our desires around them. Our bizarre sex-sentimentality makes romantic love a safe space to be completely uninhibited. Eroticism is confined to the couple as is building a life project (cohabitation, economic merging, child-rearing).

We have a set criteria of what we look for in a partner (our fantasy), too busy setting up our Tinder to question why our list is identical to the next persons and what is informing these ~ preferences ~. The success of romantic interactions are contingent upon the degree to which projective identification is continually effective, that is when a person projects their fantasy onto another so that they feel inclined or pressured to fall in line with the projective fantasy. In romance, this is typically one of amour passion where by confessing your feelings the other now hopefully joins you in this romantic fantasy.

We must then commit to this person, overcommit then merge. The merging process frequently comes with the dissolution of autonomy and boundaries because complete trust in the other is a requirement. We simultaneously create rules and install dependencies to solidify this union because subconsciously we know that love is not enough to keep two together.

Unpaid labour is an intrinsic part of romantic love and it’s usually gendered - maintaining a healthy relationship requires work (cishet women and those taking the role of woman/femme/more domesticised doing most of the labour). So is it that we enjoy working 9-5 + unpaid overtime or do the promised benefits of coupledom outweigh the cons?

Those who opt for singledom and see no sense in romantic love are considered immature or are diagnosed with the infamous disorder the therapists call ‘fear of intimacy’. Those who are single by circumstances are told that “the one“ will soon come and/or are often pitied. The social worth of an individual increases when they are in a couple as the partner is pretty much considered personal property.

Unions formed on the basis of romantic love are the only ones that are eligible to sign a contract with the state (think about why) and in exchange are afforded a multitude of benefits from adoption rights and tax deductions to immigration and residency for partners from other countries. These unions, called marriage, are usually accompanied by an expensive celebration party where friends and family are expected to attend and bring gifts.

So what is the purpose of romantic love and why do we desire it? Lynn Paramore sums it up.

“Romantic love is not based on companionship, but on the feeling of being desired. This kind of love appears to give us the opportunity, just as money does, to constantly remake ourselves, to project new version of our lives. It’s about longing, fleeting highs, the same stimulation we feel in buying a new car, a new wardrobe. As the married couple’s romantic attraction wanes, the need for stimulation is transferred to the next big purchase, the washing machine, the wide-screen TV. Capitalism goes humming along.”

Platonic love

Where there’s romance, love is expected to consume you. Friendships aren’t similarly expected to be as emotionally weighty and intoxicating; we expect support in good times and bad, someone to laugh, gossip and cry with and a companion to embark on new adventures with. We hope for our friendships to last long but don’t spend as much time deliberating about our future, we truly live in the present with those we consider friends.

These relationships are usually built off of shared values and interests, and an appreciation of the stark realities of the individual characters. They aren’t typically sought after but are formed by being in the right place at the right time. Friendships usually have no issue respecting autonomy, there’s something more rational and ethical about the bond. The voluntarist nature of the entanglements allow this and in comparison to romantic love, platonic love expects little.

The performative actions designed to win affection that are part and parcel of romance are left at the door. Platonic love isn’t devoid of affection but arbitrary limits are put in place e.g sexual intercourse. According popular culture sex ruins a friendship (loooool). Friends do typically seek a level of validation and affirmation from their peers, considerably higher (from my observations) for those socialised as men.

While platonic love doesn’t demand the cognitive bending that romantic love does, it’s similar in the sense that it’s love through favouritism. We give preferential treatment to those who favour us even in situations where logically we would do otherwise. It is expected of us. Platonic love however does not hold the same social value as romantic love and friendships are often “demoted“ once a new romantic interest takes the stage. Andrew Sullivan voiced his disapproval on this common practice:

“The great modern enemy of friendship has turned out to be love. By love, I don't mean the principle of giving and mutual regard that lies at the heart of friendship [but] love in the banal, ubiquitous, compelling, and resilient modern meaning of love: the romantic love that obliterates all other goods, the love to which every life must apparently lead, the love that is consummated in sex and celebrated in every particle of our popular culture, the love that is institutionalized in marriage and instilled as a primary and ultimate good in every Western child...We live in a world, in fact, in which respect and support for eros (romantic love) has acquired the hallmarks of a cult. “

Familial love

Familial love presents in a lot of arrangements. Between two individuals it can be a progression from platonic love or romantic love (though they can coexist). It’s a fondness born out of familiarity, dependency, mutual protection and non-judgmental support. Family can also describe a group of people you share similar experiences and rituals with, such as a church family or work family.

The primal familial love, the “blood is thicker than water“ love that is somewhat universal refers to the instinctual affection and protection we show to those with blood (shared genetics/common ancestors) and perhaps legal bonds (legally bound through adoption/guardianship). The love of a parent towards offspring and vice versa. Or extended blood family. With familial love theres an inherent hierarchy: offspring, spouse, parents-siblings, extended blood family and then other forms of family if chosen. I will refer to familial love as what exists between parent and offspring henceforth as it customarily obliterates the rest.

This familial love conventionally implies unconditional, ultra-protective, “I’d die for you“ love towards child. It’s not given according to their personal qualities (although once they’re no longer a minor it often weakens) and if a child should stray on the wrong path the parent will most likely do everything in their power to save them. The family is the nuclear of civilisation and the most basic unit of society. The education of almost all starts in the family, particularly character and moral education.

The familial love of a parent is one of duty and protection, and for the child it’s one of dependance and trust. As parents are the legal guardians of children, they position themselves as the authority and the child recognises them as such. Parents have a wider understanding of society and often try balance preserving a child’s innocence (I often wonder why) whilst making them aware of the “real world”. In order to ensure a child obeys them and trusts that they know what's best for them they often remind the child that there’s bad people out there that do bad things i.e “don’t talk to strangers, they could kidnap you“. Children are then obliged to submit to the parental safety that the home provides, whilst also being dependent on their parent for sustenance.

Familial love is assumed to be natural and present in all. It’s blasphemy to confess you do not love your parents or you do not love your child. In situations of conflict, familial love is supposed water down any malice, and forgiveness/reconciliation should follow. The family is expected to have your best interest at heart at all time and familial love is thought of as permanent, parents often say things along the lines of: “Your family remains even when everyone leaves“. Loyalty and favouritism is therefore expected and should also trump that of friends and romantic partners.

Many choose to reproduce. They get to experience the reverse of child-parent familial love where they are the ones in authority and build a life project from that. Why do people choose to have children? Some of the reasons people give range from: looking to find a sense of purpose, familism, pressure from peers and family, belief that it is your duty to continue your biological lineage etc. A growing number of people are choosing not to reproduce usually because they aren’t interested in parenting or bringing more people into the world (voluntary childlessness/anti-natalism).

Humanaesfera suggests a political explanation for the desire to create a family:

“Since the emergence of capitalism (ie, the industrial capital, the proletariat and the modern state, simultaneously, eighteenth century), the familism is the central fetish by which the proletarians (ie, those deprived of the property of any means of life) accept willingly to engage in maintaining and improving the enterprise and the government, creating and accumulating with dedication the very hostile power that systematically subjugates them, wears out them, recycles them, discards them and abandons them - the capital. This is because they place their libido (cathexis), their desires, in the family, pseudo capitalist property in which they fantasize are accumulating their own capital on a par with the capitalists. This leads them to support the ruling class and the police, that is, the state as guarantor of this fictitious property.”

[thedcdunce]

Superboy

“This looks like a job for Superboy!” - Superboy

Real Name: Kon-El

Aliases:

Conner Kent

Carl Grummett

Metropolis Kid

Superman

Gender: Male

Height: 5′ 9″

Weight: 150 lbs (68 kg)

Eyes: Blue

Hair: Black

Race: DNAlien

Powers:

Kryptonian Physiology

Tactile Telekinesis

Weaknesses:

Kryptonian Physiology

Vulnerability to Red Sun Radiation

Yellow Sun Processing

Equipment:

Visor

Universe: New Earth

Base of Operations: 

San Francisco

Smallville

Metropolis

Hawaii

Citizenship: American

Marital Status: Single

Occupation: Student

Education: Smallville High School

First Appearance: Adventures of Superman#500 (June, 1993)

Last Appearance: Teen Titans Vol 3 #100 (October, 2011)

Powers

Kryptonian Physiology: Under the effects of a "yellow" sun, Superboy possesses the same potential powers as an average Kryptonian.

Solar Energy Absorption: Under optimal conditions, this is the main source of Superboy's super powers as they are contingent upon exposure to solar radiation from a yellow sun star system. His biological make up includes a number of organs which lack analogues in humans and whose functions are unknown. It is believed that between one or more of these and his bio-cellular matrix, "yellow" solar energy is stored for later use. This allows for the use of these powers to fade when yellow solar radiation is not available instead of immediate failure.

Heat Vision: Superboy can, as a conscious act, fire beams of intense heat at a target by looking at it. He can vary the heat and area affected.

Super-Hearing: Superboy's hearing is sensitive enough to hear any sound at any volume or pitch. With skill and concentration, he can block out ambient sounds to focus on a specific source or frequency.

Enhanced Vision: Superboy's vision processes the entire electromagnetic spectrum as well as allowing vast control over selective perception and focus.

Electromagnetic Spectrum Vision: Superboy can see well into most of the electromagnetic spectrum. He can see and identify radio and television signals as well as all other broadcast or transmitted frequencies. Using this ability, he can avoid detection by radar or satellite monitoring methods. This also allows him to see the aura generated by living thing.

Telescopic Vision: This is the ability to see something at a great distance, without violating the laws of physics. Though limited, the exact extent of the ability is undetermined. In function, it is similar to the zoom lens on a camera.

X-Ray Vision: This is the ability to see through any volume of matter except lead. Superboy can see things behind a solid, opaque object as if it were not there. He can focus this ability to "peel back" layers of an object, allowing hidden image or inner workings to be observed. The exact type of energy perceived - such as x-rays, cosmic rays, or some other energy invisible to normal humans - is unclear. This ability perceives an ambient energy source though, it does not involve the eye projecting a concentrated, possibly toxic, beam to be reflected back from objects.

Microscopic Vision: This is the ability to see extremely small objects and images down to the atomic level.

Infrared Vision: Superboy can see with better acuity in darkness, and to a degree in total darkness.

Flight: Superboy is able to manipulate graviton particles to defy the forces of gravity and achieve flight. This ranges from hovering to moving in any posture, in any direction.

Invulnerability: Due to the interaction of his dense molecular structure and supercharged bio-electric aura, Superboy is nigh-invulnerable to extreme energy forces. In addition, his extends this protection against toxins and diseases.

Superhuman Stamina: Superboy is able to maintain continuous strenuous physical action for an indefinite period of time. This based on his body converting yellow solar radiation directly to energy, but is limited by physiological and psychological needs to eat, drink, and sleep.

Superhuman Strength: Superboy's strength is augmented by yellow solar radiation interacting with the greater than human density, resilience and biological efficiency of his musculature. His strength is more an act of conscious will on energy fields than actual physical strength. It is this act of conscious will that enables him to perform physical feats that are beyond the mere application force, such as moving a mountain top without said rock crumbling under its own mass.

Superhuman Speed: Superboy is able to move at incredible speed by sheer force of will. This extends to his perceptions and allows for feats such as catching bullets in mid flight as well as covering vast distances in little or no time. This also confers:

Superhuman Agility

Superhuman Reflexes

Super-Breath: Superboy is able to create hurricane force winds by exhaling air from his lungs. He can chill the air as it leaves his lungs to freeze targets. He can also reverse the process to pull large volumes of air or vapor into his lungs.

Tactile Telekinesis: At first, Superboy's only superpower was "tactile telekinesis", a telekinetic force field that surrounded his body as a protective shield allowing him to simulate Superman-level speed, strength, flight and invulnerability. The TK field also let Superboy break free of an opponent's grip by pushing the field outward to force the opponent away. Other creative uses include rendering an opponent immobile by extending the TK field as long as they were both standing on the same ground.

Telekinetic Superhuman Strength: He was able to lift almost anything he could conceive of. He lifted the world's largest yacht and threw a football at Mach 5. Objects lifted with his telekinetic strength did not crumble under their own weight or internal stresses. This was not super strength in the traditional sense, as Superboy had been bound with chains that were surrounded by an energy field which he was unable to escape because he could not directly affect the chains with his power. It was stated he could lift a battleship.

Telekinetic Flight: Superboy was able to fly at high supersonic speeds using a reflexive action of his telekinesis, literally dragging himself through the sky. Concentration was required to maintain great speeds which could reach roughly speeds of Mach 5.

Telekinetic Force-Field: By creating a field around his body Conner was able to resist or reduce injury from non-energy based attacks by causing the object to be deflected from his personal force field. Bullets and shrapnel were easily deflected. This field did not repel gases or energy based attacks as well, though his skill in deflecting energy attacks improved.

Tactile Telekinetic Disassemble: Conner could exert his force into an object to explode or disassemble it. It's assumed that he could conceivably put an object back together, if he understood how the object functioned in the first place. He could also manipulate aggregate solid masses such as volumes of sand or dust in the same way, causing the individual particles to fly apart in an explosive manner to create particle clouds or a forceful attack. Superboy's hands glowed blue when he did this.

Telekinetic Force Blasts: Superboy also learned that he could project bursts of raw energy bolts. He mostly projected the energy from his hands, but his TK field permeated from his entire body. The blasts he emitted had concussive force equivalent to 5,000 pounds of TNT.

Telekinetic Super Hearing: Superboy's TK allows him to hear sounds from far away and through glass.

Weaknesses

Kryptonian Physiology: Under the effects of a "yellow" sun, Superboy possesses the same potential weaknesses as an average Kryptonian.

Vulnerability to Kryptonite

Vulnerability to Magic

Vulnerability to Red Sun Radiation: The damage from the Red Sun seems to be less effective on him than the full Kryptonians.

Yellow Sun Processing: Because Superboy absorbed less solar energy than Superman as an adult, Superboy was unable to process as much yellow sun energy as Superman could; as a result, overexerting his powers could spell his death, as his body would literally begin to feed on itself, unable to absorb solar energy fast enough to restore itself.

Equipment

Visor: Superboy briefly had a visor that allowed him to simulate Superman's vision powers. He lost the visor and it was recovered by the Technician. When he got it back, Superboy destroyed it, rationalizing that he would probably lose it again somehow and then it would put others at risk.

History

Superboy, also known as Kon-El and Conner Kent, was a DNAlien designed to replace Superman after the hero's death touted as Superman's direct clone.

Project 13

Superboy was created by Project Cadmus using Kryptonian DNA, intended as a replacement for Superman who died fighting Doomsday. Artificially aged to his mid-teens and implanted with the equivalent of a high school education, Superboy was set free by the Newsboy Legion before he could be implanted with safeguards to control him. One of the boys gave him a leather jacket before he set out into the city, where he had his first encounter with a villain when he found Sidearm attempting to steal money from an ATM.

Don't Ever Call Me "Superboy"!

The clone's arrival in Metropolis coincided with three others taking up the mantle of "Superman". Two of them, "the Man of Tomorrow" and "the Last Son of Krypton", insisted they were the real Superman resurrected, while "the Man of Steel" made no such claim, nor did the young clone who was open about his origin to Lois Lane, thought he insisted on being called "Superman" not "Superboy"! He became enamored with reporter Tana Moon, who he granted an exclusive live on WGBS, a station under the direction of the unscrupulous Vinnie Edge. Edge arranged for Superboy to go into Suicide Slum where he apprehend a gangster named Steel Hand, and encountered Guardian who gave the cocky kid some friendly advice.

"Superman" loved the limelight and attention from beautiful women, but was blinded by naiveté. His reckless heroics led to the death of a Daily Planet helicopter pilot, for which he was severely reproached for by Steel. Superman's arrogance was knocked down a peg, and he repaid Steel's lesson in humility by saving him from a fire. He was soon approached by Supergirl to work with her at LexCorp. While informally agreeing to Lex Luthor's proposal, the young Superman went back on his word, seduced into an exclusive contract with Rex Leech, effectively persuaded upon meeting his teenage daughter Roxy.

Vinnie Edge, eager to boost ratings, hired an assassin known only as Stinger to attack his Superman on live television. After a destructive battle between the two, Supergirl joined the inexperienced hero's side, forcing Stinger to enact his escape plan of destroying the Hobsneck Bridge. The teen worked together with his female counterpart to rescue as many people as they could from the tragically engineered disaster.

After hearing Coast City had been destroyed, Superman rushed to ground zero where he was duped by the Cyborg Superman into joining him in a mock investigation. The ruse ended in the kid's imprisonment inside Engine City. The Cyborg and his servant, Mongul, used young Superman's image via video feed to trick the Justice League of America into going off world on a wild goose chase. In a surreptitious play for power, Mongul told Superboy Metropolis was their next target for obliteration, hoping it would prompt the captive into escaping and defeat the Cyborg for him. The teen Superman was able to flee back to Metropolis, arriving to find Steel, Luthor, Lois Lane and Supergirl gathered near the harbor. He warned everyone that the Cyborg Superman was responsible and Metropolis was in danger, when a humongous Kryptonian War Suit emerged from the water. The warsuit miraculously housed the real Superman who was still very weakened from his resurrection. While the young clone and Steel were skeptical about his claim, they joined him to attack Engine City, discovering a huge missile capable of wiping out a city inside. The teen clung to the missile as it was launched and managed to alter its course before it reached Metropolis. Despite minor injuries, Superboy returned to the fight in Engine City, saving the life of Steel. With the defeat of the Cyborg, the clone acknowledged that the "man in black" was indeed the one, true Superman. He returned to Metropolis with Supergirl and Steel, where Tana visited him, informing him that she quit her job and was leaving town for good.

Superboy

With the real Superman back in action, his younger clone relinquished the rights to the name and symbol — to the annoyance of Rex Leech — and decided to leave Metropolis; formally accepting the name Superboy. He decided to go on a world tour in order to establish himself as an individual, returning first to Cadmus where he learned he was not in fact a direct clone of Superman, but rather a human clone genetically engineered to look like Superman and mimic his major powers by way of tactile telekinesis. Despite Director Westfield's initial protests, Cadmus agreed to stop trying to bring him back to the Project. Dubbilex was chosen to act as a chaperone, in part because Westfield tried to hide the fact he had sent Payback of the DNAliens against Superboy earlier that day. Superboy packed up his things and returned his apartment to Clark Kent, officially leaving Metropolis behind.

The Hero of Hawaii

After a few weeks of travelling, Superboy and Dubbilex arrived in Hawaii, joined by Rex and Roxy Leech. After a running battle with Sidearm on the beach, Superboy learned that Tana Moon had moved to Hawaii. Superboy decided to stay on the islands, stylizing himself as the "Hero of Hawaii." Island life was not all that laid back, with Superboy soon encountering the former Fury, Knockout, and fighting the insane Scavenger over the mystical Spear of Lona. Superboy fell ill, and after a brief fight with Silver Sword, he collapsed after the battle and was rushed to Metropolis while the Navy took custody of Silver Sword.

Superboy was diagnosed as suffering from the Clone Plague that was ravaging most of the Underworlders and other Cadmus clones. The first of the few survivors, Superboy was successfully cured thanks to Cadmus' efforts and had to help fight off members of Team Luthor when they tried to steal the cure. He then joined Superman and Supergirl, trying to minimise the damage as much as possible while apprehending Lex Luthor, although most of downtown Metropolis was destroyed. Cadmus suffered major damage and Westfield was murdered by Dabney Donovan, but most of the staff and clones survived. Superboy stayed in Metropolis for a while, battling Parasite and getting caught up in a skirmish with an alternate earth.

To his reluctance, Dubbilex was asked to take in Krypto by Bibbo. On his way back to Hawaii, Superboy was forced to make a pit stop in Smallville, where he met Ma and Pa Kent and the Superboy of yet another reality, who was there because of the effects of the time disruption. The two worked together on another threat to their respective worlds. Superboy also learned that the DNA donor was in fact the late Cadmus director, Paul Westfield, as well as a revelation from Carl Packard that Superboy had been the thirteenth attempt by Cadmus to clone Superman. The first had utilized Dr. Teng's "Bizarro" technique, resulting in a Bizarro Superboy that was still being held by the lab. The Bizarro escaped, but died shortly thereafter. When Superboy returned to Hawaii, Tana threw him a birthday party, making Superboy officially one year old.

Back in Hawaii, Superboy battled King Shark, B.E.M., Techno and the Silicon Dragons who became consistent foes. The youthful hero gradually matured after each encounter, culminating when a celebrity look-a-like of him was shot and killed by the Dragons who thought the actor was the real Superboy. He also clashed with Aquaman at Pearl Harbor with the King of the Seas putting the kid in his place with the help of a pod of blue whales.

With help from Dr. Emil Hamilton, Superboy acquired a visor that simulated Superman's x-ray, heat and infra-vision powers while the scientist was on vacation in Hawaii, inadvertently assisting Superboy in defeating Sidearm who had returned. Superboy settled in a new residence with Dubbilex and the Leeches called the Compound, located in a secluded spot near the beach. He stopped the assassin Copperhead who had been hired to collect a debt from Rex.

Superboy and Tana officially became a couple around the time Special Agent Sam Makoa decided to organize a task force to go after the Silicon Dragons, which was none other than Amanda Waller's Suicide Squad. Superboy forced himself onto the team, which consisted of Knockout, Sidearm, King Shark, Captain Boomerang, and Deadshot. Despite the death of Sidearm, the mission successfully destroyed the lair of the Silicon Dragons, even though their leader, Lady Dragon, escaped after engaging with Superboy one-on-one.

Superboy was informed by state official, Mack Harlin, that he would be required by law to attend school. He enrolled at a local high school where me met some new friends, including Hillary Chang, and discovered that he was reaching the end of the implanted knowledge Cadmus had given him. Superboy managed to balance school and friends with his romance with Tana while still fighting criminals like Loose Cannon and Loophole When Roxy unexpectedly left for Las Vegas, Superboy followed her, sensing there was trouble. Roxy was trying to put some things in her past to rest, since she had decided to enroll as a police office in Hawaii. This meant a confrontation with an old boyfriend who had since become Neon. After a brief battle, Neon blew himself up by detonating a gas station, and Superboy and Roxy returned home.

Superboy battled the amnesiac Valor, who was fighting under the name of Champion. Knockout, alive and well, decided to join the fight, and as Valor regained his memory, he remembered he was dying of lead poisoning. While Knockout took care of Ira Gamboli, who had been manipulating Valor, Superboy helped Valor escape to the Phantom Zone to save his life. Superboy also worked with Green Lantern in a rematch with Scavenger and had a first encounter with the horribly mutated Black Manta.

The Alpha Centurion recruited Superboy into the Superman Rescue Squad, after the Man of Steel was kidnapped by an alien Tribunal. Along with Supergirl, the Eradicator and Steel, the Centurion led Superboy to find Superman. On the journey, Superboy confided to the others he did not trust the Centurion — in fact, he believed he was really the Cyborg Superman in disguise. His suspicions were confirmed when the Centurion abandoned them in the midst of a battle just as the Cyborg Superman arrived soon after. The Cyborg easily defeated the entire team and turned them over to the Tribunal. While a prisoner, Superboy was confined to the same cell as the Centurion which not enough to convince him he was not a traitor. Once he escaped to find Centurion fighting Cyborg Superman, he admitted his mistake. The team freed themselves and rallied behind Superman, who confronted the Tribunal head on. The Tribunal conceded fault and exonerates Superman for his "crime".

When the Legion of Super-Heroes arrived in the past seeking Valor, Superboy explained what happened and accompanied the Legion to the 30th Century. Valor was freed from the Phantom Zone and cured with an anti-lead serum, taking the name M'Onel. The Legion rewarded Superboy for his assistance by making him an honorary Legionnaire, complete with Flight Ring, before sending him home.

Paired with Knockout

Upon returning to his own time after helping the Legion, Superboy found Knockout waiting for him at the Compound. She wants to join him as a partner to sate her desire for battle in a productive way. Together they fought Killer Frost, the Technician, and Silver Sword. Knockout taught Superboy how to use his powers in new and creative ways, such as extending his TK field to cover another person just by touching them. Superboy regained his visor but destroyed it, reasoning that he would just lose it again.

Superboy and Knockout were attacked by the Female Furies, revealing that Knockout was one of their lost "sisters". An intense battle ensued at Superboy's high school, with Superboy and Knockout — joined by Sam Makoa, Dan Turpin, and a contingent of police officers — being severely outclassed. Thanks to Dubbilex, however, the Furies were driven off, leaving much of the high school in ruins, prompting the state to decide that Superboy should be home schooled. Knockout killed a police officer during the fray and the Special Crimes Unit attempted to arrest her. Superboy refused to believe the evidence, however, and after a confrontation with Snare and the SCU at the Compound, the two briefly went on the run from the law, causing Superboy to break up with Tana. This culminated in a battle on the beach between Supergirl and Knockout. After Sparx helped separate the two women, Supergirl ripped the S-shield off Superboy's costume because of his lawlessness. Still, Superboy persisted that he was in the right and everyone just didn't understand Knockout, but her true colors were revealed during a meeting with Victor Volcanum who had risen an island for himself near Hawaii. Knockout first tried to get Superboy to kill him before she finished him off herself. With that barbaric act, Superboy realized that she did not love him the way he thought he loved her. Superboy apprehended Knockout, in part due to the training she had given him on how to use his powers, bringing her in as the island sunk back beneath the waves. Roxy returned his emblems for his costume now that he had come to his senses.

The Ravers and Rough Times

Sparx invited Superboy to the Event Horizon, an intergalactic rave party exclusively for metas and aliens, hosted by a being called Kindred Marx. His first night there, Superboy met Hero Cruz and got into a fight with Kaliber, for which they were teleported to a distant asteroid where InterC.E.P.T. attempted to place the two of them under arrest, also involving the Darkstars. Superboy and Kaliber were transported back to the event before they could be arrested, and another brawl broke out between some Khunds from the Red Shift gang and Aura, which spilled out onto Earth.

Superboy rekindled his relationship with Tana, just before Roxy revealed that she had always loved him. Despite her heartfelt confession, Superboy did not reciprocate her feelings. Roxy could not dismiss her feelings for Superboy so easily. While helping Dubbilex recovered from an injury, an organization called Agenda sent Amanda Spence to kidnap Superboy. The Agenda used Superboy to create an enhanced clone they referred to as Match, with plans of making an entire army of them. Superboy managed to defeat Match and destroy Agenda's lair, with Spence and the directors all taken into custody.

The Agenda secretly infected Superboy with a virus that began to break down his DNA. It lay dormant for weeks, until a rematch with Copperhead began to manifest symptoms. When S.T.A.R. Labs were unable to cure his condition, Superboy was rushed back to Project Cadmus. Cadmus was only able to slow the condition, not eliminate it. Superman, Supergirl, and Steel did all they could to assist, and though Superman was able to locate Match, the potential donor not interested in helping. Amanda Spence suggested a solution, explaining that she needed a DNA donor to "re-zip" the breakdown of Superboy's genetics. Roxy Leech volunteered for the procedure which was successful, except for a side effect which meant Superboy would never age beyond his sixteen year old appearance. Superboy was crushed at the news, having always dreamed of one day assuming the role of Superman. A heart-to-heart with Superman helped ease the pain a little.

Despite what Superman had to say, Superboy was still troubled by thoughts of never growing up. Nightmares plagued him, even as he has to deal with Mo-O and a married couple who pursued thrills by trying to get their picture taken with superheroes. He discovered a magic atoll where there are some "lost boys" who seemingly never grew up, and despite the temptation to stay, he left them.

Things began to break down upon returning to Hawaii. The Legion of Super-Heroes turned up once more, this time angry that Superboy had given away his flight ring to Roxy. Superboy managed to work things out with them as they fought Silver Sword together. However, his constant flirting and "devil-may-care" attitude had been wearing on Tana who was also uncomfortable with the thought that Superboy would stay a teenager forever. Despite trying to prove how responsible he was by recovering the Spear of Lono, Tana ended their relationship.

Superboy decided to travel again to clear his head. He stopped by Jersey City and ended up asking Natasha Irons on a date. Nat had fun, but told him she's not interested in a relationship because she could tell he was still very much in love with Tana.

With Kyle Rayner's help, Superboy finally brought down Silver Sword who had been serving a being known as, Pele, who he believed to be a Hawaiian goddess. But during the conflict against Pele, she threatened innocent bystanders, and Silver Sword realized she was no benevolent goddess. He turned on her which led to his death. Pele was defeated, but Superboy was feeling anything but heroic. More than ever he felt isolated. After a failed publicity stunt and wavering public opinion in Hawaii and abroad, Superboy disappeared without a trace while flying back to Hawaii, caught in a severe storm.

A New Direction with an Old Team

Superboy awoke with amnesia in the Wild Lands, an island of anthropomorphic animal-men. Superboy quickly regained his memory, but feared he was somehow in the distant future. After passing various challenges, Superboy, along with some other humans stranded on the island, were permitted to leave. Superboy befriended the Wild Men who decide to explore the world at large and leave with Superboy. They quickly discovered they were not in the distant future, but only a few months had passed since Superboy's disappearance. The islands had been created by a precursor to Project Cadmus known as the "Project Moreau" created in the '40s. Superboy did have to contend with the fallout of a coup d'état that spilled out into the world at large, but managed to work it out. Back in Hawaii, Superboy learned that most of his friends were gone and decided there was nothing really left for him.

Superboy rejoined Cadmus and began working as a field agent with Dubbilex and Guardian, after leaving Krypto with his friend Hillary Chang. For their first assignment, they traveled to Paris and battled Agenda once again, specifically Director Alpha. They also encounter Grokk the Living Gargoyle and a supermodel named Hex. They took Grokk back to Project Cadmus, where Superboy met the new Director, Mickey "the Mechanic" Cannon, new military liaison, Col. Winterbourne, and one of the new ace scientists, Serling Roquette. Superboy was at first happy to be back at the Project, but was distraught when Mickey fired the original Newsboy Legion and their clones.

Superboy became a founding member of the team Young Justice along with Robin and Impulse. The team formed after the three boys decided to have a "camp out" in the old JLA Justice Cave, where they encountered Red Tornado. Despite having some persistent troubles, Superboy, Robin, and Impulse became best friends during this time.

Superboy was attracted to Dr. Roquette who was one of the few females at Cadmus, and the only one close to his own age, but she was oblivious at first, harboring a crush for Guardian. Superboy respond when someone stole the Whiz Wagon and entered the Demolition Run, a lethal cross country race involving all manner of high-tech vehicles. The thief turned out to be Roxy, who was desperate for money to help her father. Even with Superboy and Mickey Cannon helping her, the Whiz Wagon was totaled and Fastbak won the race. Superboy realized the man running the race, Mr. Big, fixed the event so Fastbak would win. Rather than letting Mr. Big walk away with millions, he convinced Fastbak to ask for all profits Big might have made off the deal. Big honors the deal, but promises Superboy he won't forget.

Superman invited Superboy to the Fortress of Solitude where Superboy was able to see Krypton via virtual reality, and after Superman explaining how he considered Superboy part of his family, the Man of Steel offered him the Kryptonian name, Kon-El. Superboy tearfully accepted, overjoyed with the simple dignity of having a real name. From Kon-El he adapted "Conner" to use in society.

Superboy was one of the first to explore Hypertime, after a Superboy from an alternate reality arrived at the Watchtower, dying shortly thereafter from injuries. Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman all explained their recent experiences with hypertime and ask Superboy to volunteer for an experiment. During the journey he met his villainous counterpart, Black Zero, from a reality where he had not been freed from Cadmus as a teenager and Superman was never resurrected. Black Zero had become a cruel tyrant in his world before setting out to conquer other worlds he had found via hypertime. He did not understand the resistance he met from the other Superboys and captured them one by one, imprisoning them in his lair. Kon-El led the other alternate versions in an uprising that defeated Black Zero before he returned to his own timeline. During the trip, he deduced that Superman was secretly Clark Kent. Superboy harbored resentment that his closest "relative" had never confided his public identity.

Superboy was ordered to revisit the Wild Lands, escorted by a number of personnel from Cadmus. They landed in Roam and were greeted warmly by King Tuftan. Winterbourne requested to be taken to the area where he was captured, so Tuftan led the way to the Glowing Swamp. There they found Ratsputin there — as well as King Shark. Tuftan and Winterbourne were almost killed when the experimental Blackbird fighter jet was located and used to impale King Shark before it detonated.

They arrived back at Cadmus to find Guardian attacking the staff, believing them to be Nazis. The delusion was driven by a magical gauntlet that had been unearthed. The Demon arrived, drawn by the eldritch aura of Hyssa's Fist. Etrigan explained the dark artifact drew upon the wearers deepest desires, regrets and inner demons to project the wearer's true colors. Superboy managed to subdue the possessed Guardian, but was suspicious about handing the sinister power over to a bona fide demon. Etrigan desired the mystic item for a spell, inciting Superboy to protect the glove by wearing it himself. He neutralizes Etrigan with his enhanced strength which was met with applause from Dabney Donovan. In a moment of clarity, Superboy noticed he was wearing an outfit similar to Black Zero's. Horrified, Superboy used his tactile telekinesis to destroyed the glove on his hand, causing a huge explosion and cave-in. Etrigan saves Donovan while Guardian recovers Superboy who decides to return to Hawaii to tie up some loose ends.

Superboy decided to drop by Smallville to visit the Kents coincidentally at the same time as Clark Kent. Superboy hinted at Clark's secret which was subtly reciprocated, yet Clark was reluctant to voice it completely, not out of distrust, but because he was afraid that eventually Superman and Clark Kent may no longer be distinguishable.

Superboy arrived in Hawaii with Roquette to discover that he was no longer well thought of among the locals now that a new hero, Kana, had risen. Kana, however, cited Superboy as being his inspiration. Superboy caught up with Sam Makoa, Hillary Chang and even visited Knockout in prison. After one last visit to the Compound, Superboy accepted nothing would ever be like it once was and decides to take Krypto with him back to Cadmus.

Still frustrated that had not confronted Superman about his dual identity, Superboy headed to Metropolis where he met with Lois Lane. At Locomotive Park they encountered the Man of Steel battling a four-armed monster, which was put down by the two heroes. Superman tells him that of all the people who wear the S-shield, Kon-El is the one he feels closest to. Superboy was still unable to speak his mind, but after Superman's departure he alluded to his suspicions, to which Lois responded by saying that everyone, even Superman, needs a little privacy.

Upon arriving back at Cadmus, Superboy was quickly knocked out by the Agenda, using Simyan and Mokkari to create an army of clones. Dubbilex had been compromised by a being known as the Gene-Gnome and Superboy was placed in holding by Amanda Spence alongside his fellow allies. Superboy rallies the forces of Cadmus, along with Grokk, Hex and even Krypto, in a desperate struggle to win back the facility. All they could do, however, was temporarily retreat, as the Gene-Gnome could not only can read their minds, but also coordinate the clone armies. As they fled, they came across Gorr, Growler and Howler who had escaped the Agenda's clutches in Alaska where they also rescued Tana Moon. Realizing the Gene-Gnome could not read the minds of non-humans, they planned a counter-attack, leaving Roquette, Tana and Krypto behind. Dubbilex managed to break the Gene-Gnome's control and knock him out as Superboy and allies put the Agenda's army to rout, wrestling control back from Amanda Spence. A holographic message from Director Beta alerted them to a contingency plan in Washington, D.C. While suspecting a trap, Superboy took off to investigate anyway.

A public outcry over Young Justice's actions at Mount Rushmore prompted an assembly of the superhero community at the Capitol. The heroes are all shocked at how Superboy betrayed his comrades to the media until the impostor was exposed as Match when the real Superboy arrived to fight him. As the tension mounted, Director Beta and Klarion the witchboy enacted their plan. Klarion's sorcery reversing the ages of everyone present; the adults reverted to kids while the younger heroes grew to adulthood — all except Superboy, whose ageless genetics kept him at sixteen.

Unable to effect Superboy as it was intended, Klarion's spell began to tear his body apart at a molecular level with confusion. Wonder Girl helped Superboy back to Cadmus only to find Match waiting for them. Director Cannon and Guardian prepared to make another stand against the Agenda clones when Dabney Donovan surprised everyone. Having escaped Simyan and Mokkari, Donovan unleashed a gas containing a virus lethal only to the newly cloned Agenda soldiers. All the evil clones disintegrated as Match escaped with a teleporter. Superboy was taken to the medical bay, Tana at his side, still very much in love with him. Dr. Roquette was able to cure his ageless condition, and by doing so, the spell succeeded in making him a full adult. Superboy embraced Tana with joy, only to have Amanda Spenc activate a device around Tana's which executed her. She gloats about her exacted revenge, causing him the pain she felt at her father's death before teleporting away from the enraged Superboy.

Tragedy and Loss

Superboy was devastated by the death of Tana. He barely had time to mourn when a teenage Superman requested his help to defeat Klarion and reverse the spell. Superman finally divulged his secret identity, asking Superboy to contact Lois to assure her everything is alright. Klarion was eventually defeated and everyone is restored to their natural ages. With his youth restored, Superboy mysteriously lost his powers as well, so Guardian encouraged him to take some time to grieve and experience the world as a "normal" kid. He tried to do just that, but in in the wake of his loss, everything he knew seemed to change at once; Dubbilex took a sabbatical from Cadmus, the Wild Men departed, Hex took Grokk to become a bounty hunter, and Heat Wave was now working for Guardian. Superboy decided he still wanted to continue the good fight, so he turned to the Gadget Guru to help him be Superboy once again.

Still in possession of a Legionnaire flight ring and had special training from Guardian, Superboy was given near indestructible, size altering shield fashioned by Gadget Guru. Superboy had barely begun his new training when he was kidnapped alongside Director Cannon and Gadget Guru by Kossak the Slaver. They managed to rally the other slaves in a successful uprising against their hated master. Kossak fled on a shuttle straight for Earth. Superboy pursued him back to Cadmus where he learned Kossak's true intent of retrieving an escaped slave — one that had fused with Roxy Leech! The alien had solar powers which restored Superboy's strength and powers, allowing the him to take down Kossak. Superboy gifted his new shield to Guardian.

The alien life form bound to Roxy used her body to break free from Cadmus, arriving in nearby Kurtzberg. The newly reformed Titans arrived on the scene to contain the situation, but Superboy placed himself between them and Roxy. When Guardian and Heat Wave arrived, a brief battle broke out, before the heroes managed to compose themselves long enough the alien separated from Roxy and returned to space. Superboy told Roxy how he thought of her as family which she reciprocated before leaving with her father.

After the battle, Guardian discovered that Jim Harper, the man he was cloned from, was related to Roy Harper. Superboy invited Guardian to New York City to introduce him to Roy and Lian Harper at Warriors. While they had their "family" reunion, Superboy subdued Negative G.

Slapstick and War

After being teased by some teenage girls and feeling despondent, Superboy fell into a rut. A talk with Superman gave him perspective and decided to shake things up a bit, starting with a new uniform.

Lex Luthor, recently elected President of the United States, appointed Amanda Waller Secretary of Meta-Human Affairs and tasked her to keep an eye on Project Cadmus. After some more training with Guardian, Superboy and Roquette headed to Los Angeles per Waller's orders to size up a situation involving alien activity. Superboy met up with Lobo there and dealt with an alien named Scizmore that fed off of rage. Superboy had to deal with some rage issues himself when he encountered a relentless gang war and released his powers in an incredible burst that destroyed nearly every gun in L.A.

Exhausted from a recent adventure with Batman and Batgirl, Superboy asked Guardian to go to Detroit to fight Shrapnel in his place. Superboy headed to a Florida bayou where he encountered Gorgeous Gilly and was nearly forced to marry her. Fleeing Gilly's clutches, he returned to Cadmus to learn that Guardian was killed in the battle with Shrapnel.

Superboy arranged a team to take down Shrapnel and was contacted by Deadman during the battle who told him that the soul of Guardian could not move on. Guardian's life force persisted as a re-cloned infant as part of a plot to create a whole army of clones based on him. The D.N.Angels were sent to recover the baby, but Superboy fought them off at a supermarket and hid the baby in a friend's house. The next day, he found out that Project Cadmus was shut down by order of the President. The site was empty save for Young Justice who insisted Superboy give them some answers.

After straightening things out with his teammates, Superboy was summoned to Metropolis by Lois Lane to join Supergirl and Steel in Pokolistan. The team met up with Superman and battled Faora, Ignition, and Kancer until the General arrived to sucker punch Superman hard enough to break his jaw, forcing the team quickly retreated.

Superboy learned that President Luthor had plans involving Strange Visitor who was held at LexCorp Towers. Catching up with Roquette, Heat Wave and the prepubescent Guardian, Superboy led the team on to extract Strange Visitor from a machine, but she angrily chided them that she was not a prisoner, but had came willingly. Talia Head, now the head of LexCorp, entered to tell them they had violated U.S. law by stealing government property. General Good arrived with the D.N.Angels to placed them under military arrest.

Superboy and the others were taken prisoner on a huge spaceship in orbit. General Good explained that he planned to create an entire army of clones based on Guardian to be used as soldiers in an upcoming war. Superboy escaped to battles the D.N.Angels and a now cybernetically enhanced Amanda Spence, until the Angels had a crisis of conscience and defected. Spence who boasted she no longer needed to eat or breathe was ejected into space by Superboy. He freed the almost adult Guardian who decided to destroy the other clones. The victory is short-lived as everyone noticed Apokolips in Earth's orbit accompanied by a vast armada. General Rock arrived to place Good under arrest and told Superboy to consider himself drafted.

Superboy's involvement in the war began by aiding injured heroes before Young Justice was recruited by President Luthor. Superboy led them on a special assignment to Apokolips where the team was captured by Granny Goodness. The young heroes eventually made it back to Earth as one of the last groups to be accounted for. The war deeply impacted Superboy, having witnessed much death and destruction, as well as the scarring to some of his closest friends. Superboy sought rest at the Kent's, but was troubled by nightmares for some time.

End of an Era

With Cadmus shut down and Wonder Girl insisting he leave Young Justice HQ, Superboy relocated to Metropolis becoming the "super" at a tenement building called Calvin Gardens where a local gang called the Run Riot Boys kept harassing the neighborhood. He also met a young woman named Trixie.

Superboy threw a housewarming party which Wonder Girl attended to find Superboy enamored with Trixie, not realizing her boyfriend, Wipeout, led the Run Riot Gang. Wipeout ordered one of the new members, Cooper, to kill Superboy. Cooper befriended Conner, initially intending to betray him, but could not go through with it when the gang attacked the building. Scavenger also resurfaced but Superboy convinced him to call a truce. Superboy agreed to meet with him at the Ace o' Clubs, but a fight with the Run Riot Gang made him stand Scavenger up and actually involved the tenement block being destroyed in a battle. Superman took Kon-El stay with his parents in Smallville, which he did for some time.

Superboy-Prime

When Young Justice dissolved, Superboy was inducted into the Teen Titans, but began to doubt himself and his abilities after learning that Lex Luthor, not Paul Westfield, was the original donor of his DNA. He retreated back to the Kent farm for longer period of time. Superboy-Prime reappeared on Earth who incited a fight with Kon-El. Superboy was greatly outmatched until he called in some allies who pulled Superboy-Prime into the Speed Force, but not without casualties. Superboy was injured and needed to be taken in for medical treatment. Conner was forced to battle Superboy-Prime again after returning even more powerful with a power-suit. To stop the madman's plan to create a new multiverse, Conner smashed Prime into his own diabolical tower to destroy it. Superboy-Prime survived the assault, but Conner was tragically killed beneath the collapse rubble. Conner was buried in Metropolis beneath a statue commemorating his sacrifice, next to the graves of Kal-L and Lois Kent. A Cult of Conner formed hoping for his return as Superman once did.

Superboy was reanimated in the 30th Century by the Legion of Super-Heroes. Brainiac 5 used the Kryptonian technology that reanimated Superman after he was killed by Doomsday, combined with a lock of Lex Luthor's hair to restore his life in order to help them defeat Superboy-Prime and his new Legion of Super-Villains. Conner later returned to the 21st century along with his friend Impulse.

The Return of Superboy

Returning to live with Martha Kent, who was overjoyed to take the young boy in after her husband's passing, Conner enrolled at Smallville High School and began keeping a journal of everything Superman had done as a costumed hero with checklist titled, What Did Superman Do? He and Bart rejoined the Teen Titans, and Conner symbolized the team being "stacked" again by destroying his memorial statue outside of Titans Tower West.

After visiting Lex Luthor's childhood home in Smallville, Superman arrived to speak with Conner about his desire to understand his "other father". Superman told Conner not to worry about Luthor, taking the burden of the megalomaniac upon himself. Conner returned home and created a similar checklist in his notebook entitled, What Does Lex Luthor Do? Conner checked off, "lies to Superman."

In his attempt to confront his shared legacy, he accepted a date with Wonder Girl. Conflicted between opening his heart to his girlfriend, and deliberately lying to avoid delicate subjects, Conner ultimately chose to share his fears and desires with Cassie; a desire to find himself by exploring both his legacies to define his true self. Cassie was touched, and despite her initial doubts, was compelled to admit her brief bond with Tim Drake. Conner quickly forgave her, considering he was dead at the time.

Blackest Night

The former Guardian, Scar, aligned herself with Nekron and foresaw that Conner would be a servant of the dead.

While visiting the grave of Jonathan Kent, Conner, Clark and Martha were targeted by the Black Lantern Superman and Lois of Earth-Two. While Superman battles Kal-L, Conner encounters the resurrected Psycho-Pirate who manipulated him into attacking Superman. However, Conner managed to come to his senses when Kal-L was on the verge of ripping out Superman's heart. Using his tactile telekinesis, Conner pushed Kal-L away from Superman. Conner quickly removed Psycho-Pirate's Medusa Mask and used its emotional control to attract the black rings from their hosts, reducing them to lifeless corpses once more.

Superboy, along with the few available members of the Teen Titans and Justice League, arrived at Coast City to battle Nekron. Despite being resurrected, Conner's experience with death made him susceptible to the black rings which transformed him into a Black Lantern. He and Superman were used to confront Lex Luthor, who been deputized as an Orange Lantern. The Black Lantern Superboy tried to break the hold of Nekron's influence when he was faced with Wonder Girl, managing to temporarily gain free will, summoning Krypto and explaining his dilemma to Cassie.

The battle moved to the Fortress of Solitude, where Conner's original body was in the rebirth matrix. The ring, confused and confronted with unexpected resistance from Conner, left its host to attach itself to his corpse, but Superboy awoke his super-breath ability to freeze the ring, which Cassie hurled into space.

New Krypton

Conner worked with Mon-El when he filling in for Superman on New Krypton. Together they joined a secret 21st Century incarnation of Legion of Super-Heroes. They traveled to New Krypton to help defeat Brainiac without destroying the bottle cities that would one day join the United Planets and were the future homes of the members of the Legion of Super-Heroes.

War of the Supermen

Superboy, Guardian, Steel, Nightwing, Flamebird and Krypto joined forces to expose and stop General Lane's plans to wipe out the Kryptonians. Conner saved the JLA and Supergirl from Non and Ursa, imprisoning them in the Phantom Zone. Soon after, he and Krypto backed Superman against Zod and his soldiers, but Zod injured Krypto causing Conner to abandon the fight to save his dog. He left the Phantom Zone Projector to Superman, who used it to imprisoned Zod and himself in the Phantom Zone. Superman was later freed by Nightwing.

Titans and Smallville

Static was kidnapped while visiting his hometown of Dakota City, and the Teen Titans headed there to rescue him. Frustrated by the lack of progress the team was having, Beast Boy phoned Cyborg for help. The Justice League member angrily told Beast Boy to handle his own problems, but later rethought his position and contacted Conner and Bart about returning to the Titans. In Dakota, Holocaust easily defeated the Titans until Conner, Bart, and Cyborg arrived to reinforce them. Conner desperately tried to defeat the villain, but Holocaust proved powerful enough to not only absorb almost all of Conner's attacks, but also injure the Kryptonian with his own. Conner and Bart distracted Holocaust long enough for the other Titans to escape, and eventually the combined might of the entire team was able to stop him. On the trip back to San Francisco, Conner wanted to know if Cassie was ignoring him. The two briefly tried to make their relationship work, but Conner decided to leave her.

Conner continued living in Smallville, where her explained to his friend Simon Valentine that if Superboy and Simon were to remain friends, Conner couldn't be seen with him. Conner avoided Lori Luthor, because her family ties, but she eventually discovered his identity after an attack by the Prime Hunters. Conner was also attacked by Parasite and Poison Ivy who wrecked the town, so Conner and Bart conceived an exhibition race between themselves to raise funds. Conner later become a founding member the Supermen of America.

Convergence

Before Zero Hour, Conner's Metropolis was taken by Brainiac and Telos, and placed under a dome, losing his powers for a year. When his powers returned, he fought the Superman, Flash and Red Robin of Earth-22. During the fight, he accidentally injured Lois Lane and threw the fight in recompense.

Fun Facts

Originally, Superboy had no name besides "Superboy". Later, Superman gave him the Kryptonian name "Kon-El", to show that he considered him family. He adopted the secret identity of "Conner Kent", posing as a younger cousin of Clark.

Superboy was also known as Experiment 13 and Project: Superman.

Conner was in love and in a relationship with Wonder Girl. He previously dated Tana Moon.

Conner was best friends with Red Robin and Kid Flash II.

Conner and Supergirl had a close friendship. Kara even considered Conner her "cousin" just as much as Kal-El.