#which it isn't!! it really really isn't! so. who are you

[randomstore]

okay but this is my generation. and to see people so casually do this every single day hurts me so much. need an essay idea? ask ai! want a list of goals for your life? chat gpt can help you! want to draw something? just come up with a prompt and the art is yours.

if I had to guess, around a quarter to half of the thesis statements in my honors english class this semester were made with ai. nobody seems to bat an eye but me. stuff like ai 'art' seems to irk more people, but there's a noticeable part of the population who just doesn't really care.

maybe it's because I'm a writer. an artist. I spend so much of my life consuming the art people have made with their own hands and their own souls and creating my own that it does not make sense to spend my time trying to make less art. art made by real humans has shaped who i want to be as a person. every ounce of emotion and struggle that goes into that art shows how much they wanted to make it exist and that emotion and that struggle is what makes it art.

also, why would I want to outsource my thinking? my beliefs and values are the things that make me who I am, more than any simple physical traits and skills I possess. my goals are uniquely my own and to hand any part of that process of development over to a machine that can never really know me feels strange. all it will ever do is spit out what the majority of people want to do, never accounting for who you want to be. I have found no easier way to find what I want to do than to go on a walk or just sit and contemplate. alone. only with my thoughts, which isn't always fun. but it gets me somewhere. I know myself better afterwards, even if just a little bit.

maybe it's just because I'm an artist. but I don't want to see people jump at the opportunity to do less of what makes them human.

the generational gap between me and the people my age who use chat gpt

[wheelie-sick]

I think (well, I know) there's this big mix up in words within the disabled community where some people use "can't" to mean "it's hard" or "I shouldn't" while other people use "can't" to mean "can't"

and a lot of problems arise when the prior group doesn't understand what the latter means by "can't"

it's entirely okay to use the word "can't" to communicate to (particularly abled) people that this is something that you either really struggle with or shouldn't do. it's a boundary word. it's okay to draw that line in the sand and say you can't do something because your disability makes it hard or dangerous.

but you have to remember that some people in the community are using the word "can't" to mean "can't" and truly can't do the thing no matter how much they want to or how hard they try. when you see someone say they can't do something your assumption should be impossibility, especially if you're going to respond, and especially especially if you're going to offer advice (which you should only do with permission. unsolicited advice isn't acceptable)

statements from people who "can't" as in "it's difficult" saying things like "well I just do it anyways even though it's hard!" are a total slap in the face when you mean "can't" as in "can't." it makes you feel misunderstood and alone when no one relates to you and all people ever say is that they can do it! so why can't you?!

to put it into perspective for the people in the "can't" as in "difficult" group: how does it feel when you say you can't do something to an abled person and they say something along the lines of "well I do it just fine, why can't you?" because that is exactly what you are saying to other disabled people. just because you're disabled as well doesn't make it okay or less hurtful.

[wordpress-blaze-240897277]

February's Struggles: A Call to Action Amid Global Turbulence

One word comes to mind when I reflect on February: geopolitics. Although it may not be the most alluring term, there is no better way to encapsulate the state of the world today. As the global landscape becomes increasingly fraught with challenges, the imperative to strive for improvement remains clear.

Throughout February, former President Trump continued to astonish both allies and adversaries with his unpredictable decrees and statements. His administration generated considerable turmoil, highlighted by Vice President Vance's attendance at the Global Security Conference in Munich. Trump's approach toward the ongoing war in Ukraine has raised eyebrows, as he openly sought closer ties with Russia. He has demanded that Ukraine repay the United States a staggering $500 billion in rare earth minerals, framing it as compensation for U.S. expenditures related to the conflict. Moreover, the Trump administration recognized Russia's control over specific regions in Ukraine, asserting that these areas should be considered Russian territory before negotiations have even commenced.

In response, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky offered a counter-proposal regarding the rare earth minerals. His plan suggests utilizing these resources as a means to guarantee a peaceful future for Ukraine, proposing an arrangement to "pay" for U.S. support should Russia launch another invasion. This clever strategy acknowledges that a portion of the minerals lies in territories currently under Russian control or disputed ownership. On this last day of the month, Zelensky and Trump are to meet; the world now watches closely for Trump's reaction to Zelensky’s initiative.

As the geopolitical landscape shifts, Europe is finally taking steps toward unity in response to Trump's rhetoric. Leaders like Ursula von der Leyen, Emmanuel Macron, and Keir Starmer have stepped forward, attempting to salvage the transatlantic alliance while demonstrating that they will not be intimidated. Friedrich Merz, the incoming German chancellor, has expressed skepticism about the need for a U.S. alliance and has advocated for the establishment of an independent European defense alliance. This move reflects a positive development in European political collaboration, even as the continent seeks a unifying leader. If Europe is to avoid being left vulnerable, the emergence of strong leadership is urgently needed.

On a domestic front, the Trump administration has remained busy with various controversial actions, including implementing tariffs, undermining human rights, terminating a significant number of government employees, and arguably disregarding constitutional norms. The administration's stance on immigration, particularly its focus on detaining undocumented individuals and banning certain literature, has drawn widespread criticism. Notably, a nationwide boycott of major retailers and fast-food chains was organized on February 28, reflecting the mounting frustration among Americans regarding the rising cost of living and discriminatory employment practices against women and non-white individuals.

While many focus on the disintegration of transatlantic alliances and the de-democratization of the U.S., we must not overlook pressing issues elsewhere. The Israeli-Palestinian conflict remains a perpetual source of tension. As we enter the next phase of the Gaza war ceasefire negotiations, Israel's actions in the West Bank have been brutal, further complicating the possibility of a two-state solution, particularly given U.S. support leaning towards the aggressor.

In the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC), a mysterious virus has claimed 60 lives. Initial findings indicate that while a severe strain of malaria was detected in 54% of blood samples, the WHO has labeled this as a typical prevalence and suggests it may not be the source of the new virus. Given the highly contagious nature of the outbreak, which can prove fatal within 48 hours, swift action to control it is crucial. Compounding this issue, the DRC continues to grapple with a war in its eastern regions and the persistent threat of Ebola, illustrating the multifaceted challenges facing its citizens despite millions in international aid.

In the Central African Republic, violent attacks by the 3R rebel group have resulted in the deaths of nine and widespread destruction of hundreds of homes in Bamingui-Bangoran. Since 2013, this country has faced conflict and has consistently been recognized as one of the poorest countries in the world.

On a more uplifting note, there is a positive development emerging from Africa: the Senegalese government has reached a peace agreement with the Movement of Democratic Forces of Casamance, effectively ending a 40-year conflict. This milestone, mediated by the neighboring Bissau-Guinean President Umaro Sissoco Embalo, brings hope for lasting peace.

In South America, the Brazilian Public Prosecutor’s Office has taken legal action against mining giant Vale S.A. and the state of Pará for mass metal poisoning affecting the Xikrin indigenous community in the Amazon rainforest. Their territory, crucial for their livelihood, has suffered not only from pollution but also from the displacement caused by the construction of the Belo Monte dam, which has dramatically altered their river system and environment, displacing thousands and disrupting their way of life.

As we turn to Chile, a nationwide power outage has impacted the majority of the population, halting significant industries temporarily.

In Australia, health authorities remain vigilant as a melioidosis outbreak, attributed to flooding in Queensland, has resulted in at least twelve fatalities. This bacterial infection poses a serious threat to local communities, necessitating awareness and preventive measures.

This recap offers just a glimpse into the events of February, emphasizing the complexities and struggles that define our world today. While mainstream narratives often concentrate on the “big players,” countless issues across the globe merit our attention. Environmental crises, health concerns, and human suffering paint a daunting picture, reminding us that we indeed live in challenging times.

However, amidst these difficulties, humanity's resilience and creativity shine through. We have the capacity to discover joy and magic in everyday life and the opportunity to commit to acts of kindness. Regardless of the geopolitical turmoil surrounding us, each of us possesses the power to contribute positively to our communities. This February recap serves not only as a reflection of the challenges we face but also as a call to embrace goodness and extend it to those in need. We can—and must—do better, for the future of this world and humanity.

Source: February's Struggles: A Call to Action Amid Global Turbulence

[pluckyredhead]

Do you think Dick has a favourite brother?

I LOVE THIS QUESTION. I'M GOING TO ANSWER IT AT UNNECESSARY LENGTH.

But for the tl;dr crowd: yes, 1000000%. It's Damian. Dick would not admit this under pain of death, even to himself, but it's Damian.

THE LONG VERSION:

So Dick and Jason are not close and never have been. I always sort of blink in bewilderment when people say they are, or were when Jason was Robin, because they are demonstrably not, and that's what's interesting and tragic about them.

The fact of the matter is that Dick simply wasn't around very much when Jason was Robin. The Doyleist reason for this is that he wasn't really being treated like a Bat character: he was a Titans character, appearing in Titans books, with only the occasional cameo in Batbooks. He and Jason get along very well in Jason's first origin story (when Jason was a circus acrobat and his parents were eaten by crocodiles); in fact, Dick tells Bruce he wants to adopt Jason and Bruce is like "Not if I adopt him first!" But after that, Dick simply...wasn't there very often.

If you need a Watsonian reason for this, it's pretty easy to extrapolate one. Dick and Bruce were not getting along well during this period, so of course Dick would avoid Bruce and Gotham. And yeah, I think it's fair to assume Dick felt some kind of complicated feelings about Bruce having a new Robin, especially post-Crisis when Bruce made Jason Robin without Dick having any say or even a warning that it was going to happen. I tend to headcanon that he resented Jason a little, but was mature enough to know that it wasn't actually Jason's fault, and partially decided to stay away so that he didn't take that out on Jason. But Jason, a smart and sensitive kid, interpreted this as Dick avoiding him because he didn't like him.

And then Jason died.

Dick took that hard, and I think it was less "my brother who I had a close relationship with died" and more "this child followed in my footsteps and it killed him and I wasn't even there for him when I had the chance." To me, that absolutely forms the subtext of the relationship he develops with Tim.

Not at the start. At the start, once "A Lonely Place of Dying" is over, he's as checked out with Tim as he was with Jason. The Doyleist reason is the same - Dick literally just wasn't supposed to be in Batbooks too much - but the way it plays out is sometimes really funny in an awful way. Like in and just after Knightfall, when Bruce gets his back broken by Bane and is like "I've known Jean-Paul Valley for two weeks and he barely has any training, most of it done by my extremely new 13-year-old Robin...I think I'll make him Batman." And then Tim's dad and Tim's dad's doctor, Shondra Kinsolving, get kidnapped, and since Bruce has been aggressively romantically pursuing Shondra to the point of it being uncomfortable and inappropriate, he's like "Okay going to rescue Shondra! I mean, your dad! I'm taking Alfred with me! Tim, you're in charge of Gotham and Jean-Paul byeeeeee!" And then JPV immediately gets unhinged and violent and tries to kill Tim and Tim keeps calling Alfred like "Um can you please come back and help" and Alfred's like "No" and Tim's like "Okay well did you at least rescue my dad?" and Alfred's like "Also no." Anyway Dick finally comes to Gotham and Tim is like "THANK GOD, HELP, BRUCE MADE AZRAEL BATMAN AND HE'S TRYING TO KILL EVERYONE, I NEED AN ADULT" and Dick is like "He made someone who isn't me Batman??? 😡😡😡" and then just...fucks off back to New York and leaves Tim to deal with it. Very out of character, VERY funny.

BUT ANYWAY. Then we get to around 1996 and 1. Dick is no longer on the Titans which has a whole new lineup and 2. there's an editorial shift emphasizing the Batfamily. This is where the line really expands: Robin (started in 1993, but still pretty new), Nightwing, Birds of Prey, Azrael, eventually Gotham Knights in 1999 and Batgirl in 2000. Dick moves to Bludhaven and spends way more time in Gotham.

This is when Dick looks at Tim, says "Is anyone gonna big brother that?" and doesn't wait for an answer. All of a sudden he's behaving in a way that suddenly feels in character for him (although the idea of Dick as a big brother/mentor...really wasn't a thing for him prior to this era, so it's more of a new development that feels correct in retrospect). He's training Tim, he's giving him advice, he's teasing him about girls, he's coming up with inside jokes, he's giving him noogies. It's like he watched a bunch of 80s sitcoms to learn how to be a big brother and applied his research accordingly.

And Tim? Tim absolutely blossoms under the attention. Tim, who has been adultified by every other adult in his life since he was, like, eight, is getting treated like a kid. Tim, whose parents are never around, and don't pay attention when they are around, has an adult he looks up to who wants to spend time with him, for fun. Tim, who has hero worshipped Dick Grayson since he was...well, according to the math, he was one (1) year old so let's ignore the math, but he was small, is now basking in the full force of Dick Grayson's off-the-charts charisma. This is the best thing that has ever happened to Tim. This is the dream.

I want to be clear here: I think Dick's extreme reversal here is a delayed reaction to Jason's death, but I don't want to imply that he doesn't care about Tim as an individual. He loves Tim as much as Tim loves him. Tim's good opinion is incredibly important to him. This relationship goes both ways.

Annnnd then both of their lives fall apart extremely rapidly, and Damian shows up, and Bruce dies. And Dick tries to get out of it, but ultimately it ends how it has to: with him accepting the mantle of Batman, and responsibility for Damian.

The relationship Dick has with Damian is nothing like the relationship Dick has with Tim. Tim is his little bro. Damian is his baby. He's fourteen years older than Damian and as much of a parent figure as a sibling figure. And Damian is difficult and exhausting but Dick slowly, slowly coaxes a degree of trust and affection out of him that even Bruce will never achieve. And he can only do that by making Damian Robin, which means Tim has to stop being Robin.

This is where Dick and Tim fall apart, because what they need in this very vulnerable moment is so diametrically opposed, and neither of them are wrong. To Dick, asking Tim to step down - or up, from Dick's perspective - from being Robin is a compliment. Dick fought to free himself from Bruce, to become his own man with his own name, and so asking Tim to do the same thing is a show of faith in Tim, in his skills and experience.

Whereas Tim's hero-worship has always been for Robin, not Batman, and every glimpse he has had of a future beyond Robin has always been a dystopia. But more importantly, Tim has just lost his father, his stepmother, his mentor, his girlfriend, and his two best friends. He desperately needs to be able to lean on Dick, the grown-up he admires the most, and instead, Dick is kicking him out of the nest.

In other words: Dick is saying, with all the love and trust in his heart, "I need you to help me by being a fellow adult." And Tim is saying, with all the love and trust in his heart, "But I need you to be my adult." And they both get a no.

This is water under the bridge now, and they've healed even though they've never really talked it through because Bats don't do that (although what I wouldn't give for a Nightwing/Red Robin miniseries where they do everything but talk about it). But I do think Tim looks at the closeness and affection between Dick and Damian and feels some kind of way about it to this day, because it's so clear to everyone that Damian is Dick's favorite...but Tim remembers when he was Dick's favorite. And what Tim doesn't see is that Dick values him as a genuine partner in a way he will never quite achieve with Damian, because to him, Damian will always be his baby, even more so than he is Bruce's. (Dick is Bruce's baby, actually, not Damian. In this essay I will...)

(I could see a really interesting dynamic developing between Jason and Tim here, as the ones on the outside of that mutual appreciation society, but sadly the comics have never gone there. Alas.)

Finally, I think the relationship between Dick and Duke is very much "I just work here." Like, Dick is grown, he's out of the house, he's largely matured past the Bat-drama. He likes Duke but he doesn't feel the compulsion to brother him the way he did with Tim, and Duke doesn't need the mother henning Damian did.

IN CONCLUSION, and hooboy, sorry anon, most of this wasn't at all the question you asked:

Duke and Dick get along fine but aren't particularly close.

Damian is Dick's precious baby and always will be, even when Damian is an adult and annoyed by this treatment (but privately kind of loves it because he is a princess at heart).

Tim is Dick's buddy, his pal, his equal. If Dick were ever going to talk something through with a sibling, it would be Tim. (But that would require Dick admitting that everything isn't perfect or asking for help, so it'll never happen.)

Jason and Dick can't be in a room together for five minutes without fighting and Dick finds him wildly frustrating, but they will throw down for each other. When they aren't punching each other.

(And to answer the corollary: Damian's favorite brother is Dick. Tim's favorite brother is also Dick. Duke's favorite brother is Tim by default, since he doesn't know Dick very well and Jason and Damian are both too annoying, but really he's closest with Cass. Jason's favorite brother is Ace and he has communicated that often and loudly (but really it's probably also Dick).)

[tsunodaradio]

a good run ⛐ 𝐋𝐇𝟒𝟒

♫ you swore that you loved me, but where were the clues? i died on the altar waiting for the proof.

ꔮ starring: lewis hamilton x ex-girlfriend!reader. ꔮ social media au. ꔮ includes: angst. silverstone race [merc!lewis], post-breakup dynamics, heavily inspired by taylor swift's so long, london. ꔮ commentary box: this one goes out to @binisainz, who matches my freak on so many levels. i love you (and i'm sorry). i promise to dedicate happier work for you in the near future. x 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

lewishamilton Silverstone weekend. 🏠🇬🇧 Send good vibes ~ Liked by olliebearman, francolapinto, and others

user1 IT'S SILVERSTONEEE LFG!!! user2 lock in g you got this ❤️🙌👏 georgerussell63 Best of luck mate 👊 ⤷ user3 great day to be a mercedes fan ⤷ user4 y'all act like they aren't co-drivers user5 is nobody going to talk about the elephant in the room ⤷ user6 wot m8 ⤷ user5 user6 isn't it hamilton's first time back in GB since. You Know ⤷ user7 user5 user6 OMG Just say it outright??? Since HIS BREAK UP.

from: +44 *** ***** ****** Hi, it's Lewis. I don't actually know if you still have my number, sooo. Should I still be introducing myself? from: +44 *** ***** ****** Anyway that's obviously not why I'm texting. I'm sure you know what this weekend is. from: +44 *** ***** ****** That's probably not how I should have started. I just mean to say I'm in London this week and I'd love if we could meet up. Coffee, maybe? Let me know ✌🏾

yourusername i'm just getting color back into my face / i'm just mad as hell 'cause i loved this place Liked by lewishamilton and others user8 youch that caption... 🤕 user9 OMG lewishamilton LIKED?! ARE THEY BACK TOGETHER ⤷ user10 Wasn't Lewis seen with someone else at Monaco??? user11 Can y'all please leave this poor girl alone. Lol. Being an ex-WAG is hard enough. gmz Hamilton's Former Beau Gets Cryptic Ahead Of Silverstone?! Link to read in our bio 🔗 ⤷ user11 yo gmz get a life maybe ⤷ user12 The link isn't working! user13 yourusername will you be at silverstone 🥺 we miss seeing you trackside, queen

from: +44 *** ***** ****** Hi, Lewis again. I'm not sure if you're getting my texts but they are going through so I assume they're still fine? This is a bit out of the blue but I saw some comments on your recent post. from: +44 *** ***** ****** I know when we broke up you said you wanted it mostly lowkey, so that's why we haven't really done much outside of that first press release. But I just want you to know that if you want me to say anything else about the people camping out on your page, I can. In a heartbeat from: +44 *** ***** ****** I mean, least I could do right? Haha from: +44 *** ***** ****** Would still love to grab coffee with you. Or anything, really. Is Shack-Fuyu still any good out there in Soho? I remember how much you loved that place. Hope to hear back from ya

Excerpt from TMZ's Hamilton's Former Beau Gets Cryptic Ahead Of Silverstone?!

... The long-term couple officially headed to Splitsville last year, confirmed via an Instagram story Lewis posted! The story, which featured a black and white photo of the former WAG, bore the heartbreaking caption:

yourusername and I are two best friends who have decided to part ways as a couple. We had a good run of six years that I personally would not trade for anything in the world. yourusername remains to be one of the best things that has ever happened to me, bar none. Please respect our privacy during this time; we do not intend to comment any further on this matter. Thank you.

The announcement came as a shock to the entire grid; the two had just bought a London apartment months prior, sparking rumors that wedding bells were on the horizon.

A source with direct knowledge tells TMZ that Hamilton initiated the breakup, citing plans to focus on his career. The Brit reportedly wasn't very enthusiastic about the split despite being the one to pull the plug; why, we'll never know. A man of his word, Hamilton has remained tight-lipped on the details of the split.

Looks like this is just another symptom of being on the top of the world. Can't be a champion and in love! — FIN.

from: +44 *** ***** ****** Silverstone won't be the same without you. from: +44 *** ***** ****** I'll stop now. I'm sorry. I really am.

to: +44 *** ***** ****** race safe, lewis. Seen

lewishamilton 945 days since the last win and it's finally come home. There's no crowd that deserves this more. Means so much. Silverstone, I'm all yours. Always and forever. Liked by mercedesamgf1, yourusername, and others

user14 I'M NOT CRYING YOU ARE user15 The Greatest Of All Time 💜🐐 user16 not to be that person, but yourusername liked this post and now i'm sobbing ⤷ user17 mama y papa :( scuderiaferrari ❤️ ⤷ user18 BRO CHILL WE STILL GOT TIME

from: +44 *** ***** ****** Did you see? to: +44 *** ***** ****** :) to: +44 *** ***** ****** through goes hamilton. from: +44 *** ***** ****** Through goes. from: +44 *** ***** ****** I did more than race safe. from: +44 *** ***** ****** I raced for you.

yourusername ★ Only people on your Close Friends list will be able to see this story.

Seen by yourfriend, lewishamilton, and others

from: +44 *** ***** ****** Where to? from: +44 *** ***** ****** Actually, you don't have to answer that. You don't owe me anything. from: +44 *** ***** ****** I apologize for the way I've behaved this whole weekend. I suppose I just missed you. from: +44 *** ***** ****** *Miss you. Still. Sorry. from: +44 *** ***** ****** The old landlord actually told me about you moving out. I didn't know how to broach the topic with you or if I was allowed to. But I guess this is it, huh? I'm going from knowing you're in England to not knowing where you are at all. from: +44 *** ***** ****** I suppose I'll have to do my absolute best in every race now. Just in case you're at that one. from: +44 *** ***** ****** I'm running out of things to say.

to: +44 *** ***** ****** take care of yourself, lewis. from: +44 *** ***** ****** You, too.

+44 *** ***** ****** Maybe: Lewis

Block this Caller

You will not receive phone calls, messages, or Facetime from people on the block list. Block Contact

For so long, London Had a good run A moment of warm sun But I'm not the one So long, London ⛐

[consumerofshorthomies]

bro, I actually kind of had to explain to my friend something similar to this. TANGENT TIME! so, I was talking to my friend, and I already had a vibe that he was prolly homophobic (cough cough, kept flirting with me in a pretty hetero way (maybe??), goes to catholic school and youth group, and he is in teen military which is a good indicator) and he kinda asked me "hey, do you have any advice for helping someone dealing with suicidal thoughts?" so I immediately LOCKED IN. I internally went "okay Adam, this is your moment, you're time to shine. you are mentally ill and ready to talk this man off the edge." so I asked him what was up, and he said his best friend's cousin has been expressing suicidal ideas, and that his best friend is really worried (I swear, this is relevant) So, I immediately go off, suggesting that she recommends her cousin go to therapy, hang out with friends, a good idea would be to make plans for the two to hang out as much as possible, and then he drops the bomb. the best friend and her cousin used to be close, until she (referring to the cousin) turned to the lgbt side, wanting to be a dude and thinking she's gay, which the best friend did not approve of (catholic) and was very open with the cousin about her beliefs. I go quiet for a minute, realising "oh, fuck, I'm friends with a transphobe" so I quickly say "aight, listen to me closely, your friend needs to not try to reach out to her cousin, if she tried to she would only make things worse for him" and I fucking EMPHASISED the him bit, and had to awkwardly be like "heh, uh, yeah, I'm kind chill with those queer rainbow people, k-kinda gotta be when you have a trans sister!" (not my gay ass trying to get it across that I will not put up with blatant homophobia) and the realisation on his face that "oh, shit, I just showed my bigotry to someone who isn't a bigot" was honestly so funny. I then proceeded to quite literally steal his heart (he brought an anatomically correct heart for some fucking reason)

[baeshijima]

okay so i have kind of but not really met anaxa in game but !!

anaxa x sunshine reader.

like... renown infamous genius scholar anaxagoras who doesn’t take anything from anyone is almost akin to a cat when with you, putting on an adamant front only to crumble and — begrudgingly, he tries to stress, though he really isn't fooling anyone, much less himself — ultimately give in to your whims; answering your mundane questions, listening and providing his own quips (sometimes sincere, often snappy) here and there to your endless rambles, trailing behind you hot on your heels only to eventually catch up to your side as you wander off to who knows where, yammering on about who knows what.

(you're planning to visit okhema, is what he gathered from your animated retelling of some bakery you'd heard from word-of-mouth which was supposed to be good. hah! why would you waste your time on such trivialities when you could be graced with the honour of his tutelage on the topic of free speech and— curses, how did you get so far ahead?)

in spite of his… less than successful attempts to thwart these pesky thoughts and feelings from festering within, anaxagoras long since knew the irreversible truth brought by your appearance in his life — from the very first moment you bumped into him amid your haste, stray papers sent flying as the large leather-bound books thudded against the library floor. the less-than-flattering slew of words initally locked and loaded, ready to be spewed, oddly dissipated on the tip of his tongue the second he saw your frantic expression, hasty movements in re-gathering the strewn papers, and clumsy set of apologies spilling from your lips. it was almost trance-like, the manner in which he kneeled as he began to collect the flyaway papers surrounding him.

after returning them to you with a kindly, “who runs in a narrow hallway? watch where you’re going next time, you may not be so fortunate with the next collision,” anaxa naively thought that would be the end of that. he did not foresee running into you more frequently from thereafter, feeling strangely moved as a foreign warmth settled within every time you never failed to greet him with a beaming grin, eventually accompanied by the, dare he speculate after months upon months of pouring over and overanalysing your interactions, affectionate tone when calling his name. having been subject to the numerous days— weeks, even — spent listening to your attempts at correctly pronouncing his name, anaxa really should be immune to the effects. unfortunately for him, he could not be any further from the truth.

(anaxa chooses to ignore how he purposely nitpicked your pronunciation, extending the time spent teaching you how to do so just to hear you say his name a little more. not his proudest moment, but he finds it worth all the extra effort when you greet him as such, his name seamlessly rolling off your tongue coupled with your starry eyes and rapturing cadence as you ramble om about whatever caught your interest that day.)

perhaps he should have expected this outcome. after all, for someone who enjoys his solitude, anaxa has caught himself seeking you out on more occasions than deemed appropriate for mere acquaintances. no, not even friends would be this forefront. it was a predetermined outcome, anaxa deduces, the way in which your presence endlesslh draws him in like a shadow to a light— a moth to a flame.

if only to see your blinding smile directed towards and caused by him, anaxa supposes he wouldn't mind your nonsensical chatter replacing the usual white noise droning on in the background. for how long? well, for as long as he continues to breathe seems sufficient enough.

(you ought to stop entertaining some of those foolish scholars, however. they really are not worth wasting a second more than necessary on when he himself has far more knowledge and wit they do combined.)

[cherie-doll]

hello again!! i just wanted to askk, could i possibly request how the cod men would be with a self-conscious reader? :3 thank you for the curly-haired!reader hcs btw those were so cutesy!!

I hope u have a nice day/night <3 - 🦇

lol im back and yea ofc! (omg i finally wrote and posted something, EVERYONE CLAP)

𓆩♡𓆪 Headcanon: Being Self-Conscious Around Them

౨ৎ Price, Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Roach, Alejandro, Rudy, Phillip Graves, Makarov, Keegan, König, Horangi, Nikto

Price

He notices that anytime you're out, you glance at your reflection in every mirror or window you appear in, you always regret doing it, and he notices it when you fix your hair to cover your face a little more, or bringing your hoodie over your head

He switches the shopping bags he was using both hands to carry to only one hand, with his now free hand he brings an arm over you and pulls you into him, tucking you into his side

And when you look up at him, a soft breath condensing in the cold air as it escapes your lips, he just smiles warmly and reassuringly at you

His voice, low but thickly as he says your name, wanting your utmost attention, and your eyes find his, in the quietude of the street on that evening you did not turn to glance at your reflection again

It is easy to worry endlessly, to get lost in your thoughts of how people see you, of being aware of every flaw someone could see in you, but you're once again reminded why for one person in the world who's always by your side sees past them

Ghost

Sometimes it is very subtle things you don't like about yourself, not always easy to perceive or notice, but he notices how you feel, the way you carry yourself is different, maybe your shoulders a little more hunched as you try to hide

He doesn't say anything, but he knows something like holding your hand extra tight will have your spinning mind grounded again when you're in public

A chaste but rare peck on your forehead when you get home as he detangles from your fingers and walks off, leaving you surprised but feeling warm inside for it

He knows he's not the best at providing comfort, the man himself uses a balaclava every time he goes out, the real reason for wearing it still unknown but you could say he's just gotten used to not showing his face, so he can't exactly tell you to not hide or turn away if he himself does it

Still, he wanted to give you something to lean on, anything to give you a little bit of reassurance

Soap

He doesn't see why you would be so self-conscious, he loves everything about you, why wouldn't you too?

To be honest, he's never cared that much about his appearance, and he may not exactly be the best when it comes to words, but he's trying

He wants to show you that you shouldn't shy away from him, that he will continue to show you love even if you're hesitant and overly aware of yourself, to not let it get to you or affect how you treat one another

He hates hearing you say negative things about yourself, even if you're just pointing them out, because he truly doesn't see the flaws you think are there, he looks up at you endearingly as he kneels down, his hands on your hips as he tells you about how he first fell for you

And God, you can't get him to shut up once he starts, you'll be laughing and telling him he can stop now, that you get the point he's trying to make, but he refuses to stop talking, you will listen to hear him go on for at least another 30 minutes

Gaz

Those days where your self confidence isn't the best suck :(, especially if you feel like nothing else is really going right and on top of that you just don't feel your best

Kyle would just sense that something is off when you walk through the door, he looks up from where he's sitting and just the sight of him makes you rush into his arms the moment he opens them for you

He'd hold you as he gently strokes your hair, which has a most calming effect on you, making your brain go quiet, feeling how soft his fingertips are against your scalp as they gently caress between strands of hair, it is during this that he asks if there's anything bothering you, since it's been a while since you've had a deep conversation

Feeling like nothing can hold you back, the streams of words just flows, and he's there to only nod and listen as he wishes he could clutch you tighter to his chest and heal everything inside of you, it hurts him to see you like this

But after you've poured everything out to him, he hums quietly and parts from you a little, you raise your head to meet his eyes in confusion

"You really think that?" and he gives the most loving and adoring look you've ever seen him give you it just melts you from the inside

Roach

Honestly, he'd sulk noticing how much it affects you, because he loves the confident you, how charming you are when you hold your head high not letting the thoughts swarming in the murky waters of your mind get to you

He knows he might not be able to change how you perceive yourself, but he can try his best to offer his comfort, maybe you're lying in bed, trying to make peace with the thoughts inside your head, and here comes your boyfriend/husband to climb into bed with you

Slowing making his way towards you like a cat seeking attention, resting his head on your lap as he stares up at you with dreamy eyes admiring you, and you can't ignore him, you take his face in your hands and feel the urge to aggressively love him

His soft smile reminding you of how much he loves you, it momentarily makes you forget about everything, you've been too engrossed in your thoughts you forgot about the person who could erase your doubts even if it was for a moment

The tenderness in his eyes when he murmurs "I love you"

Alejandro

Alejandro is the best at excessive flattery, he does not pass up a moment to tell you how good you look, the problem is that's what he thinks, you're more worried about what your mind has to say and what others might think too

No matter how far down you try to push your thoughts, they just keep finding a way to resurface and make you feel awful, why do you even care so much? It feels like you should, everyone else feels so natural, you want to feel normal for once

Seeing how distressing it can be for you to the point you avoid certain things, Alejandro decides to take matters into his own hands

Telling you, "Who cares what anyone else thinks? It's what you and I think, and no matter what, I still feel the same way", you already know he'd go through extreme measures just to have you feeling like the luckiest person alive, everyone should be envying you for having what you have and you should look and feel it too

Rudy

You're always asking him, "How do I look?" and he will always answer with a smile and "You're beautiful cariño" except you don't believe it, especially when you asked for his jacket, you're not even cold but suddenly you don't like how you feel in your outfit, maybe the people passing by are snickering or laughing or noticing that there is something wrong with you

You just want to turn around and go back home where you can be at peace without the fear of judgement, but Rudy stops for a moment, sensing right away how you feel and asking if you really want to, he could take you back home and instead choose to do something else for the night

You nod yes and he doesn't hesitate in rearranging his plans, he centers his life around you anyways, and he'd rather take a raincheck for any other night than make you feel uncomfortable, he just cares endlessly about you

But he wishes he could find a way to make you see you like he does

Phillip Graves

Waiiitt I've literally entertained the idea of this with him before ;)

You staring into the mirror, unsatisfied with yourself until you're approached by Phillip from behind, him wrapping an arm around your waist, resting his head onto your shoulder and nuzzling his nose into your neck, making you laugh softly

But he notices that sad look behind your eyes, your furrowed brows

No matter how much you try to bring it up to him, he will not let you get more than a sentence in before shaking his head, he doesn't want you to express anymore of those negative feelings, knowing that if you started you'd just go on until you started crying

He'd have you meet his gaze through the mirror, making you stare deep into his beautiful blue eyes asking if you truly trust him, if you nod yes, he'll tell you how he truthfully finds every part of you attractive, how alluring you've been from the first moment he laid eyes on you and how you should discard other people's thoughts

"You truly are the most stunning thing I've ever seen"

Makarov

He did find it strange how you'd gradually become quiet the longer you were around people, and then when you came back home you'd immediately go to the mirror and smile and practice different facial expressions in front of it

When he asks you what you're doing, you simply wave him away, you're only trying to see what you looked like when you were talking to people, did you really look like that? And suddenly you notice other things

Until you're convinced you shouldn't really smile so wide or talk so much, but all it takes is Makarov and his rare tenderness to make you forget about it and feeling good again

He sees no blemishes on you, and you allow yourself to tell you whatever he wants as he drags you away from the mirror and pulling you into bed with him, spooning you, whispering into your ear how you're better than all those insufferable leeches anyways

And for the next time you're getting ready, you receive a questionable amount of compliments from the help Makarov keeps around the house, did he tell them to do that?

Keegan

Keegan wouldn't have known you were being self-conscious around him if it weren't for the fact that you started changing when you were alone, you no longer let him stare at you too long, afraid he'd see something he wouldn't like

You were always trying to turn away or cover yourself if he came into a room when you weren't dressed, yelling at him to get out, except he doesn't care and ignores you anyways as he settles into bed or he holds your hands so you can't cover your face when he leans in closer to get a look at your face

"Hey, don't hide from me" as he turns you to face him, his eyes impossible to part from as he stares deeply into yours, trying to find that fear so deeply rooted in you and pull it out, no one should reach this low, and he'd be a damn fool to let it get to you

He wouldn't want to lose you to this disquietude

König

He very much understands and notices when you're feeling self-conscious, he often feels it too, awkward and unsure of himself when around others, with you though, he forgets about that feeling entirely

Obviously, he's going to do something when you're starting to feel like that, first thing is searching for a place where there is less people, the air gets heavy rather quickly when there are too many people which only makes things worse especially if there's a crowd of people

Doesn't really say much as you both settle into a bench, he's not even sure you noticed that he did it intentionally, he kind of fiddles with his hands nervously but he sits there for a moment, watching the scenery with you, until you lean into him

He's surprised but welcomes it, bringing an arm around your shoulder, "König?" and he responds with a hum, "Do you think... other people think I'm weird?"

Seriously? That's what you were worried about? As if his entire being hasn't always been clumsy and sheepish when around others, yet he still somehow managed to bag you, he snorts, if you're weird he can't imagine what word would be used to describe him

Horangi

He might not fully understand the anxiety that comes with feeling like everyone is constantly watching and judging everything you do or how you look, if anything he quite enjoys the feeling of having eyes on him, especially yours

But he notices how whenever he stares at you a little too long to the point you notice, your reaction gradually shifts from giving a timid and bashful smile to full on embarrassed, he doesn't understand, you're deserving of attention, so why don't you enjoy it?

You do end up explaining how much it bothers you, but there's a long list of things you're always taking notice of, isn't it weird how you walk? Don't you tend to look around too much at people? Is it only you who has an awkward interaction with someone every single time you go out? It's only you, right?

Again, he had never taken notice of these things, seeing as he's learned to take pride in how he carries himself and how he does things, he tells you people don't actually care, no one pays attention long enough to notice

Which is unfortunate really, why doesn't anyone else ever notice that spark in your eye, or that distinctive mark on you? Such a pity no one will ever get to look at you like how he does, maybe he's lucky because he has you all to himself

Nikto

He doesn't even notice what you're constantly worrying about, you've overlooked every scar of his, so why would you ever feel the need to worry about how others perceive you? Especially when it comes to him? It's not unusual of him anyways, you have to point things out for this guy to even take notice of

He sees you staring into the mirror and thinks nothing of it, sees you pull your shirt down every time you sit and again dismisses it, sees you looking uncomfortable when pictures are being taken, fine with him he hates them too

Until you're up at night thinking and he's in bed next to you ready to rest until your voice comes out shaky, frail as if on the verge of tears asking if he really even likes you

Needless to say, he's confused, tired and only grunts in response as he pulls you, snaking an arm around your waist and trapping you in his arms, when you try to move he just shushes you and tells you to sleep

You go to sleep not knowing he's still awake, staring gently at you as he caresses your hair

[jillsandwhichs]

Forced to love you

Chapter 11 to Joel Miller x Reader Smutshot Collection

Masterlist

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader

Summary: You've been forced into an arranged marriage with Mr. Miller, a rich businessman, also known for being a bit cold and straight forward. Neither of you wanted this but you suppose you two will make it work somehow

Status of your guy's relationship in this one shot: Married

WC: 4.0k

Type: NSFW

Warnings: Smut - Making out, Dirty talk, Oral (Both receive), Overstimulation, Spanking, Protected P in V, Doggy style, Hair pulling, Choking, Clit rubbing, You both finish, Slight aftercare

A/n: Hi! Hope you all enjoy. Please check out my masterlist, there's a lot of stuff there. You can get to know me, you can see the rules of my blog and then you can see all of my fanfictions. You'll be able to find the previous chapters to this fic and upcoming ones. You'll also be able to find my Wattpad & AO3. Comments, reblogs & likes are appreciated. Thank you

Placing your purse down on the marble counter, you took in the large cliff side mansion you're inside of right now. The large window panels all along the kitchen wall display the beautiful bodies of water and all of the colorful homes surrounding it. Greece is really such a beautiful place - you just wish you weren't here on these terms. The terms of a honeymoon you didn't even want.

Oh but father & mother dearest know best, right? At least they think they do. Having you merge with another wealthy family is just their way of further building their empire. Of course, you have received the short end of the stick, again, being forced to marry Joel Miller - a wealthy business man with a broody attitude about him.

Speaking of, you turned around to see him carrying in your suitcases. He set them down and looked up at you. You looked away, gazing back out at the water, admiring how it glistened and called out to you. "Your father called me while I was outside, he wants to know how you're doing, so I suggest you call him soon." "Will do." "We are also to have dinner tonight, your father made us reservations in town, so dress up and look pretty."

You scoffed and looked down at what you're already wearing. It's a peachy pink flowy dress that goes down to just above your ankles. It pair with it, you're wearing sandals that your mother gifted you for your birthday a few months back. "Do I not look pretty right now." You couldn't care less if he finds you attractive or not, but seriously? This outfit is it. "You do. My apologies. Wear that then." Joel stated.

Admittedly, you blushed a little bit.

You didn't want to marry Joel, hell, you want to divorce him this instant, but he isn't the worst man. Earlier today, before the ceremony, Joel had told you he'd respect you and be there for you, which came as a surprise. Everyone told you he was an asshole who was all about work & money. Maybe he is, but he's been decent to you so far. It better remain that way.

"What time are the reservations?" "For six until seven. It's as a restaurant in the city, it's beautiful so don't worry, it'll be to your taste." "Do you think I'm some spoiled brat or something?" "Yeah." The audacity! You rolled your eyes and he smirked. "Don't roll your eyes at me." "Or what?" "You'll find out if you do it again." "Whatever." You turned back to face the windows. "I'm going to unpack my things, I advise you do the same soon." Joel said before walking off into the bedroom of the mansion - the singular one there is.

-

It's late now. Nearly 7:30 at night. You two had dinner and it was nice. Your father had made the reservations in hopes of you and Joel getting to know one another better - and you did. He does seemingly care about his work and his money but it surely isn't his life. Still, you're keeping him at bay. You're sure the two of you will be cheating on each other and despising one another in no time!

Joel is currently in the shower, you're in the room just outside of it. The bedroom is nice, it came with complimentary essentials and honestly anything you'd need for a week in Greece. You're originally from the U.S, Joel too, but your mother had you pick between either going to Spain or Greece and of course, Greece it was. That was literally the only thing you had say in when it came to your wedding, sadly.

Looking through the nighttime attire your mother packed for you to wear, you soon came to realize a theme. Literally everything is revealing. You scoffed and groaned loudly, all of the city could probably hear it. The most modest piece of attire that was packed is a short lenghted silky nightgown. The base color is pink with a lacy white trim. It's cute, but your mother obviously wants you and Joel to connect in more ways than one.

You have to work with what you have though.

You took off the clothes you were currently wearing and threw them into the basket on the other side of the room. Of course, you kept your panties on but removed your bralette - you shouldn't wear those to bed. The nightgown is comfortable. Soft & cozy. Glancing in the mirror, you smiled. You feel pretty. The sound of the shower turning off was heard and you sighed softly. Guess that's all the alone time you'll be getting.

Joel isn't a bad guy. You two just... Aren't made for one another. This is truly depressing.

Climbing into bed, you tucked yourself beneath the covers and grabbed the remote off of the bedside table. You told your father that if anything, you'll need a suite with a TV - it'll take your mind off of things. You doom scrolled through different channels until you settled on one with a cooking show. Not the best option, but it is distracting enough. As your eyes were casted upon the television, Joel walked out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel around his waist.

You were quick to look away. Admittedly, you felt wrong when looking. However, your brain is totally working against you. There's no denying he's an attractive man, because he is. You even said that to him. Attraction isn't the point though. He grabbed a pair of pajamas and began to change but in a way so you couldn't see, thank the Lord. At least he has decency!

When he was done, Joel ambled back into the room and over to the bed, where you were lying down. "Want me to take a different room? I'm sure the couch is comfortable enough." He said softly, just trying to get this ordeal done and over with. That's harsh. You won't do that to him. "No Joel, that's alright. If we're to be married for life, we better get used to this lifestyle." You snorted with sarcasm, scooching over on the bed to provide him with some room.

He nodded and sat down, running his hand through his damp hair. You couldn't help yourself - you gazed at him. Wow, he cleans up nicely. Too bad this marriage was an arranged one. You sighed deeply and he noticed. "You good?" "I'm fine. Just tired." You said softly, nestling your head against the pillows. He nodded in agreement. "Yeah, me too." He laid back and shut his lamp off, but you left yours on.

"Going to bed already?" "Trying to." He said in a deep voice, "Mind turning that TV off?" Ugh. "Not at all." You shut it off and laid back just as he did. Well, this is awkward. You're laying in bed with a man you met today, married and had dinner with. What a fucking shit show. You rolled over to face him and his eyes were already on you. Behind the bed frame is a large window, the moonlight casted down onto you two, specifically you & your face. It's pleasant, honestly.

Joel sighed deeply before clearing his throat. "You know, for what it is worth," he looked into your eyes, "I don't think you're half bad." He chuckled and looked down. You giggled and nodded. "Everyone said you were an asshole, I'll admit, I was nervous to meet you." "Eh, I definitely am an ass but to my now wife, I won't be. I can't be." He mumbled and looked back up at you, his eyes stark & piercing, making you feel a certain type of way.

That made you smile. This man isn't so bad after all. You know he'll make a good friend. Hopefully you two can sort out being with other people later, it'll be for the best. You sighed softly and viewed into his eyes once again, this time they were more gentle and kind. How sweet. "Is everything okay?" You whispered, biting your lower lip. "Of course." He nodded. "By the way," Joel smirked and looked you up and down, "that nightgown suits you well." He murmured.

That made you blush, truly. How kind of him to say. You thought the same thing. "Doesn't it? I like it a lot... Yeah, unfortunately, mother dearest only packed me... Sexual attire... So..." You snorted. "Well, that ain't so bad..." Joel said in his normal voice. "What do you mean?" "Uh," he chuckled and broke eye contact, "Nothing sweetheart, ignore me."

Sweetheart? He's calling you names now? It made your stomach heat up. You slowly nudged closer to him without even realizing it. "Sweetheart? Admittedly, I like that." You giggled and you were now closer to him, so close you could feel the warmth emitting from his jacked build. "Hah," Joel laughed, "Figured you would." His laugh is... Adorable. That laugh coming from a big burly man is the cutest thing.

Maybe you could learn to... You don't know, care for this man in more ways than one?

Joel gandered back up at you, his gaze back to that starkish glaring one but this time, there was something more in those brown eyes of his. Something of adrenaline and/or ecstasy. It made you get slightly shy, really. "Joel?-" you were instantly cut off by his lips pressing to yours in a manner you didn't expect. You moaned immediately and encased your arms around his neck, Joel quickly rushing to get on top of you.

His hands pinned yours above your head and his lips rapidly moved with yours. This escalated so fast. You can't even think straight. "Wait, wait," you kissed him back and smiled, his hands holding your wrists firmly. "Hmm?" He muttered out, beginning to kiss your neck side crazily, his lips all over, leaving marks and presses. "This is totally shocking, are we gonna?-" "Am I going to fuck you? Only if you want me to."

God damnit, why did him saying that turn you on? You're a virgin. The most you've done is suck a guy off and it was terribly embarrassing. "So, do you want me to?" Joel added, stopping his kisses and awaiting an answer. Do you? This man is your husband, yes, but only as of today. You feel nervous. "I..." "Yes or no? I won't be upset." He whispered softly, his lips so soft against your neck.

"Yes."

It came out so smoothly & simply, as if this was meant to happen. "That'a girl." Joel smirked against your neck before kissing your lips again and slipping his tongue into your mouth, allowing it to intertwine with yours. It felt good. He makes you feel good. Unfortunately, this is a battle of Lust vs Love and lust is heavily taking over. Either way though, you're too deep now to back out and really, you don't even want to. You want him to take your purity - he is your life long partner now.

As the two of you kissed, it was a heated one. You haven't kissed someone in such a long time, you forgot how exciting it is. His hand trailed down to his shirt before he took it off, throwing it on the floor beside the bed. You took your chance to feel up on him, touching his chest and his lower abdomen area. You felt his V line and it is so prominent - that really turns you on. Joel is sexy. Maybe him railing you won't be so bad...

He smiled as you felt him. You touched all over his torso area. He's built and he's built well. "Can you do something for me?" He whispered into your small ear before kissing it gently. "Mhm." You whimpered out. "Have you ever given a man a blowjob before." He pulled away and smirked. Oh, you know where this is going. "A long time ago, yes." "Hmm," Joel smiled and kissed your forehead. "Wanna do that for me?" He asked you, so kindly. "I do." You nodded. You do.

Joel nodded and adjusted his seating position. Now he was sitting on the bed, his back against the headboard. Perfect positioning for you to make him all sorts of dumb. You smiled and pulled your hair back, ensuring it won't get in the way. He is wearing a light pair of sweatpants, some that'll come off rather easily. The imprinting of his hard cock is noticeable. You're practically drooling at this point.

You pulled him out of his pants, a slight bit of pre cum lies right on his tip. So hot. So sexy. You bit your lower lip before wettenening them, overall just preparing yourself. "You'll do so good baby." Baby... Oh fuck, that's so hot. You smiled and leaned down before quickly wrapping your lips around the head of his dick, just testing the waters. Joel was haste to seeth and let out a faint grunt. "Oh yeah, this is gonna be good." He murmured to himself.

Then and there, you started to suck his cock. He's hard, rock hard. The first guy you ever blew wasn't like this. In a way, you're glad Joel is this turned on, it shows that maybe this isn't just a lustful thing for him. But what do you know? It probably is. I mean, you two will eventually have sex, especially if he doesn't agree to the affair orders. Enough of that though, you just wanna focus on pleasuring him right now.

You swirled your tongue all along his cock, from the base to the tip, all over. Joel simply watched you in awe. There's no denying your beauty and watching you of all people give him a blowjob, he's under your spell. You used your hand to jerk the spots you weren't focusing on as you licked his tip. His pre cum was slightly thick and it had a sweet taste to it. God, you want to swallow his semen terribly.

You closed your eyes as you moved your head faster, suckling his cock as quickly and perfectly as you could. "Fuck, that feels so good." Joel moaned and his hand now rested on the back of your head. "Good girl, fuck." He closed his eyes and tilted his head back. You're like a witch, winding him under your seduction. He pushed your head down slightly, forcing you to take his dick deeper into your mouth.

After a little while longer, he twitched in your mouth and that's how you knew he was just about to finish. You took the opportunity to shove your head all the way down, his tip hitting your throat and your eyes as watery as ever - and it worked. "Christ, oh fuck." Joel gasped out as he came deep into your throat, his sweet cum seeping into your mouth until you swallowed it all. Joel snickered and gazed at you in surprise.

"Holy fuck, you got a mouth on you." You giggled at his words. "So I've been told." You smiled. "Yeah? Come here." He grabbed your hips and pulled you onto his lap. You laughed and kissed him, your lips locking with his. He breathed in deeply as you kissed him. Your kisses are full of ecstasy and need. "I want you to ride my face." He stated in between kisses. God. That's just what you need.

Once again, he fixed his seating position and this time, laid all the way back until his head was on the pillow. "I've never done this before." "You don't got anything to worry about, I'll be doing all the work. You just sit on my face and relax." The way he talks is so attractive, really. You snorted and rolled your eyes. "Okay then." You took off your panties and threw them on the ground beside his shirt from earlier. "Now c'mere."

Listening, you climbed over his body and over to his face. His hands held onto your thighs and he pulled you down. You felt the slight prickle from his beard on your area and you sighed deeply. You know Joel will take good care of you. "Just take it baby." Was all he said before he then began to feast upon you. This isn't how you expected it to feel. It feels amazing. Joel really knows what he's doing. "Oh Jesus Christ." Your head was already tossed back.

His tounge was clearly all over your pussy, your so very wet pussy. You moaned loudly and held onto the headboard. It definitely feels a bit awkward & unhinged but fuck, Joel is just going at it, how can you not just allow it? "That feels so fucking amazing." You laughed and looked down. His eyes were closed. He's in the moment. All he wants to do is please you and to taste you and God, you taste heavenly.

Gripping the bedframe, you began to slowly grind your cunt against his face. You can't help yourself, it feels too good. "Oh Joel." You moaned softly, your body shaking faintly. His hands held onto your thighs, he was literally gripping them with force. His tongue protruded at your hole, sticking it in and out of it quickly before going back to suckling on your pulsing clit. You're so wet. You're so fucking horny.

This is not how you expected tonight to go.

"I feel like..." God, you haven't felt this in a good bit. It's only when you're touching yourself that you do. "Cum for me sweetheart." He detached from your pussy only for a moment and just to say that. "Oh fuck!" Your body shook and your eyes squeezed shut as you came. Joel didn't stop. He sucked and licked all over as you came. It was so overstimulating. "Oh, fuck, stop, stop!" You yelled out and he was detached just like that.

You got off of his face and giggled loudly, looking at him as you caught your breath. "That was great." You snickered and layed back. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself." He smiled and leaned over, kissing your cheek, then your pretty pink lips. "I still want you." You swathed your arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. He smiled into the kiss and nodded. "Here." He pulled away from the kiss and flipped you over, landing you on your stomach and pulling your ass up.

Doggy style, hmm, okay.

You giggled and rubbed your rear along his manhood, causing him to get hard all over again. "Dirty girl." He murmured before spanking you, causing you to moan loudly. You didn't expect that. You guess this man is kinky. "Are you a virgin?" He whispered into your ear before kissing behind it. "I am." "Okay baby, I'll be gentle." He said in a soft tone before pulling back behind you. He pulled his pants down, then lifted your nightgown up, revealing your bare ass to him.

Joel reached over and grabbed a condom from the drawer. There were some in the bathroom too. Honeymoon suites do not mess around. He slipped it over his hard cock and looked back down at you. "If it hurts at all, just tell me." "Okay." You nodded and smiled, looking straight ahead as you waited for him. Within that minute, he stuck himself inside of you, slowly and passionately. You moaned and felt your insides tighten at the sudden feeling.

"Loosen up baby, it'll feel better." You had to calm yourself down. You're suddenly nervous and a bit on edge. "Want me to stop?" "No, please no." You said softly, holding onto the bedsheets below you. "Just be gentle." "Of course." Joel responded. He began to move but his strokes were subtle and gentle. He doesn't want to hurt you. "You feel so good." He said in a deep voice, pushing himself in and out of you.

It's a whole new sensation. It feels like a delicacy. Goodness, it's great. "It does feel nice." You giggled and nuzzled your head against the bed, just letting loose and allowing Joel to make the most out of this expirence. "You're so beautiful." He whispered before his movements picked up, but barely. He just wants you to be okay. "Just like that." You moaned out and closed your eyes, now just relishing in the feeling of him within you.

A little bit after you entirely adjusted to him, his hips rocked against your ass a bit quicker now. The feeling was exquisite. You've never felt this way before. "So fucking tight, Jesus Christ." Joel grunted as he fucked you, his dick going into you at a pace in which was perfect, it was magnificent. "Joel!" You moaned and attempted to lift your head up and as you tried, he shoved you back down, his hand going to the back of your neck to keep you in place.

Oh, you liked that. It was sudden but very arousing.

As he slammed into you now, his pace not gentle as it was, all you could do was take it. Like this, it is even better, you just needed a minute to adjust. "Maybe this marriage won't be so bad." You giggled out to Joel and he smiled, though you couldn't see it. "That's what I like to hear." He spanked you again and this time, your back arched even more. This is amazing. You really didn't think this would happen but wow, what an outcome it is.

Joel's hand trailed up into your hair and somehow, you knew what he'd do because before you knew it, he was pulling on it. Your head was being pulled back roughly but the pain mixed with the pleasure was perfect. You moaned loudly and held your breath as he fucked you, hard. Him pulling on your hair, fucking you and talking to you all at once was too much.

"I'm gonna cum again." You moaned out, closing your eyes. "Cum for me sweetheart." He whispered before reaching over and holding onto not only your hair, but now your neck. He lifted you up until your back was against his front. His hand was now around your neck and his other around your stomach, holding you close. This is it. You moaned softly as you felt his plunge into you a few more times until he ultimately came first, which then caused your undoing.

As you came, he caressed your clit with haste and your body shook, even more than it did with your first orgasm. "God, you take it so well." Joel grunted as he kissed behind your ear whilst rubbing your nub and pushing himself into you. There were so many feelings all at once, it was amazing. You giggled and bit your lip, closing your eyes and simply intaking the enjoyable & pleasurable moment.

Coming down from your high and snapping back into reality, Joel pulled out of you with a chuckle and you two laid down on the bed together. He took off the condom and set it on the table; He can throw it away later. "So..." You began with a faint giggle and Joel bellowed. "You were amazing." He leaned over and kissed your forehead. "Are you okay? Did I break ya?" He joked. You nodded. "Yes to both." He laughed at your sentence.

"I feel so..." "Hmm?" "Good." You giggled and spun over to face him. "Let's do it again!" You climbed on top of him and he laughed out, holding your hips. "Let's do it then."

[atalana]

and since i legally have to put it on every endo post - heavy bleeding/fainting from blood loss/extremely painful periods are for sure a symptom of endometriosis in some people

but it can also go the other way! my periods were so light i got them maybe twice a year, and i didn't think anything of it until the endo got really bad because it's harder to notice the absence of something bad than the presence of it

(and for people who don't know what endometriosis is - so you know how the reason periods exist is because once a month your uterus starts lining itself with all the stuff it needs to build a baby, and then sheds it when it realises there isn't a baby? what happens with endo is you're still making that lining, but your body isn't sure where it's actually supposed to go, so instead of building it inside your womb, it just starts attaching it to random organs. which is a) not great for your health on multiple fronts, and b) why sometimes you don't get your period at all, because it doesn't have a way out of your body from wherever it ended up)

so to reiterate - if it has been more than maybe 4 years since you got your first period and they haven't regulated into something consistent and predictable yet? that might be a sign that your uterus is getting confused as to what its job actually is

(and also extremely painful periods might be a symptom of other reproductive disorders that aren't endo, PCOS comes to mind but i think there's more - so as op said! you don't have to suffer through this and if you have been it might be an indication of a problem you can then work to address)

(from what i understand the average period pain shouldn't feel much worse than say the pain you get the day after strenuous exercise)

hey so it’s march now aka the beginning of endometriosis awareness month and i feel obligated to remind you that debilitatingly painful periods are not normal. if you or someone you know is ending up sick or bedridden every month, you are not crazy and deserve medical attention from someone who will take you seriously

[enwoso]

PLAYING FOR MORE | alessia russo

(grumpy universe)

grumpy masterlist

alessia sat on the edge of her bed, her hands trembling as she stared at the pregnancy test. two lines, they stared back at her. her heart felt as though it was lodged in her throat, her pulse louder than any cheering crowd she had ever played in front of.

she had worked hard to get were she was — unc scholarship, a starting spot on the team, become captain, achieve her first call up to the senior england squad. she was a rising star.

and now, well right now she was a twenty year old college student staring down a future she hadn't planned for.

her phone buzzed on the desk, a message from her boyfriend: harrison.

—

alessia's usual type wasn't football players, they were too loud, too cocky, too much trouble.

but yet here she was, tying her boots on the sidelines of the practice field sneaking glances across the turf at harrison reed - the wide receiver who had too much charm and a smile that made her stomach flip.

it started during her freshman year, her soccer practice had run late and alessia sweaty and exhausted from the scorching sun of north carolina had cut across the football fields to get back to her dorm quicker.

she hadn't expected anyone to be there, let alone him.

"well if it isn't the soccer team's star girl herself!" harrison's voice rang out as she passed. she's rolled her eyes — of course he'd call her that.

"hey footbal guy." she shot back, not stopping. the only thing in her mind was the cold shower she was going to have when she got back to her dorm.

he jogged over, helmet in his hand as he fell into step beside her, "you always this friendly or did i get lucky today?"

alessia just snorted, brushing a strand of blonde hair from her face, "depends, are you always this annoying or am i just lucky?"

that should've been it, a quick exchange, a bit of teasing but harrison wasn't the kind of guy to leave things alone, he liked to push boundaries and push people's buttons — be annoying in simple terms.

so over the next few weeks, the end of the school year looming and they kept bumping into each other. in the corridor as alessia carried her books in her arms.

at the athletic center when harrison was nursing a sore shoulder. in the library when neither of them were studying but both of them pretended they were.

it was easy with him. too easy and that's what scared her.

they became friends at first - sort of. harrison would show up at her matches, yelling loud enough for half the  crowd to hear as alessia claimed she only went to his games for the nachos but really her heart raced every time he made a big play.

one of the last games before the big final, alessia's team lost. alessia missing a crucial goal which ultimately probably cost them the game.

harrison was the one that found her sitting alone on the bleachers showered as her wet hair sat on her jumper.

"rough game," he winced as he sat next to her as he put a arm around her pulling her into a comforting hug which he knew she needed.

alessia sighed, as she leaned into him more, "yep, i missed an open goal."

"eh, you'll get the next one" his voice was softer than usual, not the usual cocky confidence he wore like it was amour.

for a moment they just sat there, the lights from the field buzzing faintly. alessia tilting her head to loot at him, "why do you even care?"

harrison hesitated, a small smile tugging at his lips, "maybe i like you"

the words just hung in the air, heavy and warm as alessia just blinked. "maybe?" she teased, but her pulse hammered in her throat.

"okay.. definitely" he admitted after a moment of silence, a grin creeping onto his face, "so what do you say soccer star? let me take you out sometime?"

"football. it's football."

"soccer. your in the states now less"

as she shook her head leaving the debate for another time and against her better judgement or maybe because of it — alessia smiled, "your impossible, you know that?"

"and yet your still haven't walked away."

that was the start, they started hanging out more after that. coffee dates between classes even though they'd both get a smoothie. late night calls when the pressure of school and sports became too much.

sneaking out to the quad when they should've been asleep, laughing about everything and nothing and supporting each other at the others games.

but it wasn't always easy. there were arguments, about missed plans, about the attention harrison got from other girls, about how alessia always seemed to put soccer first. the two being too stubborn for their own good.

in the end that was what made it work, the moments which weren't perfect, the times they argued they then made up and were stronger than ever. the late night cuddles and morning practices.

the way harrison would bring her a smoothie after every game, whether they won or lost.

so by the time their final year rolled around, everyone knew they were the package deal. alessia and harrison. the soccer star girl and football hero. two athletes who would do anything to win, but hopeless when it came to each other.

—

haz | 'can't wait to see you tonight, gonna get us a takeout from that taco place you love!'

her chest tightened as she looked at the message, harrison was everything she wanted in a boyfriend, charming supportive and ambitious.

but they'd never talked about kids or families or anything remotely close to this. from their late night chats they talked about their dreams of travelling the world and becoming the best at what they did.

children? that's was a word which never even entered the conversation. and she knew - she just knew this was going to be something he wasn't going to be ready for.

so she did the only thing she could think of. text her best friends: emily and lotte.

—

emily and lotte arrived within minutes, their concern palpable the moment they stepped into alessia's dorm room.

"less? what's wrong?" emily asked frantically dropping her gym bag by the door. lotte following close behind.

lotte, the over observant, noticed alessia's tear stealer face and the white stick lying on the desk. "oh less.." she said softly sitting beside her.

alessia took a shaky breath. "i'm pregnant." she said the words tasting foreign and heavy leaving her lips.

emily's jaw dropped, her expression quickly morphing into one of concern and determination. "okay, deep breath. we've got you, whatever you need. we're here for you, less."

"i don't know what to do," alessia admitted her voice quiet and shaky, "harrison's not ready for this. and my parents? there gonna be so disappointed."

lotte placed a comforting hand on alessia's knee. "first things first, you're not alone in this. no matter what you decide, we're with you. but you need to talk to harrison. you can't carry this on your own."

alessia knew they were right, no matter how strong she thought she was. she couldn't carry the weight of that on her own.

—

later that evening, harrison arrived at alessia's dorm his usual easy smile in place. he set out the takeout bags on her desk, leaning in to kiss her cheek. "what's up baby? you look like you've had a rough day."

alessia's stomach churned, rough day was certainly one way to put it. she motioned for him to sit on the bed, her hands twisting the hem of her hoodie. "haz, i need to tell you something and it's.. big."

his playful unserious demeanour faded, as his face paled, "you're scaring me less, what is it?"

she took a deep breath, looking at him with such fear as she bit her lips, "i'm pregnant."

for a moment, harrison froze, his expression unreadable. then he ran a hand though his hair, letting out a shaky laugh, "wait, are you serious?"

alessia nodded, her eyes welling up.

"wow," he muttered, standing up and pacing the small room, "this.. this wasn't supposed to happen. alessia we aren't ready for this. we barely managing school and soccer as it is."

"i know," she said quietly, "but it's happening, haz. we have to figure out what to do."

he turned to face her, his expression filled with frustration and fear, "look, i'm sorry but i can't do this. a kid? now? we are only twenty for god sake. i just started getting noticed in football. this would ruin everything - for both of us."

his words hit her like a punch to the gut, "ruin everything?" she repeated, her voice cracking.

"i'm not saying it's your fault," he said quickly, "but think about it less, we have our whole lives ahead of us. you've got the england squad, you're one of the best young players at the minute. a baby is gonna change everything, it's not the right time."

alessia just stared at him, her chest tightening with every word, she couldn't believe his words. "so what are you saying? you don't want to keep the baby?"

harrison hesitated, her silence speaking volumes. "i'm saying... i don't think we should."

alessia felt like the air had been sucked out of the room, she had known the conversation would be difficult. she had braced herself for his shock, his panic. but hearing him say it out loud 'i don't think we should' felt like a knife to the heart.

her fingers curled tighter into the fabric of her hoodie as she swallowed back the lump forming in her throat. "haz, this is our baby. my baby. i can't just pretend this isn't happening."

harrison exhaled sharply, rubbing a hand over his face. "less, come on be realistic. a baby means we'd have to give everything up. football, school, our future - everything we've worked for. we aren't ready for this." his voice was desperate, like he was trying to make her see reason, but all alessia could hear was rejection.

"you think i don't know that?" she shot back, her voice trembling. "you think i haven't spent every second since i found out thinking about how this changes everything? but it's happening haz, whether we're ready or not."

harrison let out a frustrated sigh and turned away from her pacing again. his usual confidence, his easy charm - gone. now he just looked scared. "there are.. options," he said hesitantly. "we could-"

"no." her voice was quick and firm and when he looked at her, she shook her head. "i can't. i won't."

he stared at her for a long moment, his jaw tightening, "you're sure?"

tears burned at the corner of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall, "i've never been more sure of anything."

harrison exhaled sharply, hands on his hips as he looked away. the silence between them stretched, heavy and suffocating. when he finally turned back, his expression, again unreadable but his next words shattered her completely. in more ways that one.

"then i don't know if i can do this, less."

"what?"

her stomach dropped. he ran a hand through his hair again, exhaling shakily. "i'm not ready to be a dad. i can't be a dad." his voice cracked, but he pressed on. "and if you're keeping it... i don't know how to be part of that."

alessia felt like the floor had disappeared beneath her, her entire body felt cold, numb. "so, what? you're just going to leave?"

harrison's face twisted in anguish, but he didn't answer. that answer was enough.

alessia let out a shaky breath, nodding slowly. "okay," she whispered. "if that's how you feel.. then go."

"less..”

"no," she cut him off, wrapping her arms around herself. "you made your choice. i'll figure this out on my own."

harrison hesitated for a second, like he might say something else. alessia's silently hoping he would say something else. but instead, he grabbed his hoodie and moved towards the door.

he paused for a fraction of a second, then walked out, closing it softly behind him.

the moment he was gone, the first sob broke free from alessia's chest. she curled up on the bed, clutching her stomach, her heart shattering.

she had never felt so alone.

—

alessia lay on her bed, she felt numb. sitting on the bed as his words replayed in her mind.

not ready.

not the right time.

ruin everything.

alessia had managed to find the energy to message emily and lotte. so when they arrived alessia was still sitting there with tears streaming down her face.

"he doesn't want to keep it," she whispered as emily wrapped her in a tight comforting hug.

"of course he doesn't," emily said, her voice tinged with anger but also comfort, the type alessia was craving. "he's a twenty yet old boy who is scared out of his mind. but this isn't just his decision."

lotte crouched in front of alessia, her voice calm and steady. "less, what do you want? not harrison, not anyone else - you. this is your life, your body, your future."

"i don't know," alessia admitted, her voice breaking. "i feel like everything i’ve worked for is slipping away. but.. i also can't imagine just walking away for this. it's a part of me."

emily squeezed her should. "then that’s all that matters. you'll figure it out, and we'll be here every step of the way. harrison doesn't get to decide your future — you do."

alessia's breath shuddered as she leaned into emily's embrace, gripping the fabric of her friend's hoodie like it was the only thing tethering her to reality. the weight of the moment was crushing, pressing down on her chest until it felt like she could barely breathe.

she had spent years building herself into the player she was today - grueling training sessions, sacrifices, endless hours on the pitch. football had been her whole life for as long as she could remember.

and now.. everything felt uncertain.

"i don't know what to do," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "i don't even know how to begin figuring it out."

lotte, still crouched in front of her, took her hands in hers giving them a reassuring squeeze. "you don't have to figure it all out tonight, less. you just have to take it one step at a time."

"but what if i can't do it?" alessia's voice cracked, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks. "what if i ruin everything - for myself, for my career, for this baby."

emily pulled back slightly, her expression fierce. "listen to me. your alessia russo. destined to be one of the best footballers in the world, the hardest working, most determined person i know. if there is anyone can handle this, it's you."

"but what if he's right?" alessia asked, her voice raw, "what if this really does ruin everything?"

lotte shook her head, "it won't. it'll change things - yes. but that doesn't mean your dreams are over. your not alone in this less, we'll figure this out together."

alessia sniffled, looking between her two best friends. the unwavering support in their eyes made something shift inside of her - like a tiny sliver of hope breaking through the overwhelming fear."

she exhaled shakily. "i just.. i thought he'd be here for me. that we'd figure it out together."

emily's jaw tightened. "if he can't handle being here when things get hard, then he doesn't deserve to be here at all."

lotte nodded. "you don't have to do this alone, even if he's gone. you have us. and whatever you decide, we're with you - every step of the way."

for the first time since harrison had walked out, alessia felt the smallest bit of steadiness return to her. she was still terrified, still completely unsure of what the future held.

but at least she wasn't alone.

[roach-works]

Why did wheat become a widespread staple crop given that it's difficult to harvest/transport/etc? This is not meant to be snarky or combative in any way, it's a genuine question. Are there any books you'd recommend for learning more about this kind of economic and technological history? Thanks.

sorry, i've long since forgotten all the actual books i've read about it, but i will always recommend This Guy:

also as very much a non-expert, my semi-informed opinion on Wheat is that growing complicated and difficult compared to going to the grocery store, and doesn't stack up very well to living in a food forest like north and south americans managed, either.

however, wheat is a grass, and grass grows in a lot of places that people also like to live in, and so wheat farming isn't as crazy a venture as it might otherwise seem.

in a lot of climates, it's possible to plant the grass, harvest the grass seeds, and store the seeds long enough to get you through the part of the year where there's nothing much to eat. if you manage your social and material technology right, you can store a lot of the seeds, and you can even transport them around before they rot, meaning you can now export the seeds from places where grass grows into places where it doesn't. the stalks of the grass that you can't eat provides food for the animals you need to help you grow the grass. and transport the seeds, too.

the social structure required to grow wheat in bulk (a steep and violent hierarchy) does three things: feeds everyone in it with enough extra that the guys on the bottom of the organization can survive to grow more wheat next year, and allows the guys on the top can sequester the rest as profit, consolidating their power. the third thing is that as land is converted to wheat fields, it stops yielding any other food but wheat, which locks people into the system for good. once a people depend on a staple cereal grain for their main source of calories, there isn't an easy way back: forests are chewed away for more wheat fields and those woodlands that remain are shifted towards hardwoods for agricultural tools, rather than food forests with fruit/nuts/shrubs, and even those maintained as game preserves still can't support the needs of entire villages.

in arid and semi-arid conditions, it's even harder to step away from dependence on grain farming because there the agricultural development is along rivers where the land can be irrigated, and the population of people supported by grain production is extremely concentrated into those small areas rather than spread across the entire biome.

in the northern parts of eurasia where grain couldn't be produced at scale because it was too rocky and too cold, people mostly went fishing, and when they grew stuff it was hardy root crops like beets and turnips.

DISCLAIMER: this is all very approximate. but now you know as much as i know.

P.S actually here's the last thing about wheat: it probably all started as a way to reliably source and produce beer, which was invented a long time before bread. bread was invented from wheat when the guys who were producing the beer seeds wanted to start exporting beer seeds to people who wanted beer far away, so they baked the seeds into tablets you could easily transport and then ferment with water once you got to your destination. eventually the traders who were transporting the beer kits started eating them, too, and crackers as a snack food really took off. look up the wikipedia article on beer if you don't believe me.

[threefandomsinatrenchcoat]

I think we should worry less about labels, in general. I get that they can be very helpful and comforting to some people and for very quickly communicating the gist of things, they're quite good.

When I want someone to just understand that I like multiple genders with a tendency to prefer one over another, "I'm bisexual" gets the job done a lot quicker than describing the whole situation, everyone I've ever found attractive and who out of these people I'd actually sleep with.

But I feel like we've gotten really caught up in this way of thinking that dictates that every unique human experience needs a name and it's really confusing and limiting.

If a straight person finds someone of the same gender/sex attractive just once, they're suddenly confused and rattled, because they don't know what this means for their identity. Are they still straight?

A lot of terms are from a time when sexuality was better understood than gender and thus, the definitions of terms were still based on a gender binary. Now that this isn't the case anymore, we're struggling to say who can and can't be [label].

Can trans men be lesbians? Where do intersex people fall in this? Are nonbinary people trans, because being trans is just being not cis, or can they not be trans, because being trans has to do with transitioning? But not all mtf and ftm trans people transition either, and they're still valid, so-

Do you see what I mean? The definitions are so imprecise and we keep arguing about them, which is fucking pointless. It's not getting us anywhere. We shouldn't be infighting at all, but especially not at a time like this, when many of us are in peril and we're all in this together.

Who cares about these fucking definitions, man? Does it matter if I'm aro or just have commitment issues so big I can't imagine having a relationship? The result is the same. I'm not interested in a romantic relationship. Why am I worrying about whether a label fits me rather than thinking about how this part of my identity affects my life? Does it matter if chopping my tits off makes me trans? The result is the same, I look and feel different.

I get wanting to find out more about yourself and wanting to put everything in neat little boxes and having tools and words to find people just like you to share your experiences, support and advice with, I truly do, but I feel like we're really pulling the noose tighter around our own necks by focusing more on labels than on the fact that we're all human, we all have things in common as well as differences, and we're all too complex to describe with a single word per aspect of our identity.

You shouldn’t have to be trans to get any sex characteristic-related surgery. It’s not a limited resource. Plenty of cis men get implants and cis women get breast reductions. From Colby Gordon today and Leslie Feinberg in Transgender Warriors (1996).

[sully-s]

Open in a different window to zoom in. So this is just a deep dive behind all the stuff I put in my last post I rolled back my picture before I did all the lighting and color changes to make certain details more visible. Fun fact I almost scrapped this whole picture at this stage because A. I was just burned out; this piece took me forever. B. As I kept getting more and more "neat" ideas to stuff in, I lost any real focal point, especially with the color scheme. After hours of trying to fix it in PS and failing, I was about to give up. I was like fuck it make it a night scene. Let me tell you all a world of lighting makes lol.

Anyways, enough about my struggles, let me give you the tour.

I love the idea that this corkboard was originally Phoenix's mood board in the beginning it just had his childhood pics from like the yearbook and that one time Larry got a polaroid camera. Then, a new year clipping about Edgeworth being Demon Prosecutor which led Phoenix to make his thesis about court drawings just so he could watch and see with his two eyes how much Edgeworth changed. - Then, later, he added Mia because she was his mentor. then Vinny (from the movie "My Cousin on Vinny") because like Vinny, Phoenix never understands court procedure but has very good instincts; and last Elle Woods who also went to law school for a boy basically his spirit lawyer lol. - Later, after Maya joined, she thought it would be funny to replace Phoenix's real reason to Steel Samurai. Also, it was fun because Will Powers was their client, so he should be their reason. Phoenix let them stay because it made Maya happy, and Phoenix knew that with Mia's death, she needed it. - I was going to add a sticky note from Miles that he approved, but I do like that Miles will never admit out loud or in writing that he enjoys the show. - A year later, Pearls tries to replace all the Steel Samurais with her drawings of Maya. Which Phoenix encouraged her to make during Maya's disappearance because facts. - Tid Bit: I was sad to cover up Will Powers' signature I really liked how it came out

Moving away from the mood board idea, I like that the cork board just became Phoenix's catch all. So his Law Degree which isn't the original it's just a sad printed-out version of what should've been his fancy embossed one. I like the idea that Phoenix never went to graduation. (Can't be bothered he's on a mission to save his childhood bff.)

Lastly are postcards from Edgeworth, his way of making up for all the years he couldn't write back to young Phoenix. - Also, this picture takes place some time after the 3rd game but before the disbarment.

Calendar whiteboard that I forgot to add the last row too so I guess in Japaniforina the months are only 25 days long.

I spent a frustrating amount of time trying to figure out the logistics of this paper trail. It really doesn't need to make sense It just has to make the room messier. - You can imagine Phoenix is looking over phone records or court stenographer's record.

So Edgeworth is a nerd; we all know this. But it annoys me just a tad that his nerd-isum is always just Steel Samurai (like I get it, it's canon), but all geeks have many fandom loves, okay. - So I just love the idea that Phoenix and Edgeworth (who are in a relationship at the time of this pic ) watch Better Call Saul, and they both bought each other a little plushie of the character they joke is them. -Edgeworth bought Saul for Phoenix (because of Saul's heart, not because he does shady practices), And Phoenix bought Kim (because she a really good lawyer who seems cold and is a workaholic who would break the rules for their Saul (used phoenix's badge in the third game )) - They keep each other's plushies in their offices, and if one of them stops by when the other isn't in, they put a sticky note on it. - Which we can see that Phoenix did need reminding because, as you can see, the date is 18th, and no mention of a dinner ;)

7. Now the whole reason I drew this picture was too show off my headcanon that Phoenix has a Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law action figure that you know Gumshoe got him after Edgeworth vs. State happen because of Polly. And we all know that man would be a fan of old Hanabara cartoons. - I've loved this stupid tid-bit of a headcanon that it's been haunting me for years. That's it; that's all I really wanted to say with this piece, and look where it got

[witherby]

If Mouse got traits from everyone, did anybody got traits from Mouse?

Oh, what a cute question! Let's say yes!

Dick learned to relax his standards for himself. Mouse isn't a vigilante, they don't have perfect grades, and they always take breaks or communicate when they simply can't or don't want to do something. Dick has started giving himself the same leniencies — he'll actually rest when he's sick instead of powering through it, he'll forgive himself for mistakes he's made, and if he simply doesn't want to do something, he won't. He's learning through Mouse to stop chasing perfectionism.

Jason picked up on Mouse's penchant for sleeping in. They like being in bed and being lazy. The world will still be there when they decide to grace the rest of the manor with their presence, so Jason adopts the same attitude. The perpetual bags under his eyes disappear in six months and his rage induced by the Pit becomes ten times more manageable. He and Mouse kickstart a mandatory Family Nap Time when it seems like everybody is running on empty.

Tim starts learning how to take things at face value. This family often has problems saying things outright, except for Mouse, who says what they mean and means what they say. If they're hungry, they're going to verbalize it. If they're disinterested in something, they're going to verbalize it. If they feel sick, they're going to verbalize it. No, Tim, they aren't actively starving to death or disinterested in a topic because they secretly hate you or seconds from dying of a plague. Please quit overanalyzing every little situation.

Damian grows a funny bone. He spent so long trying to shrug off the title of "youngest Wayne" and "baby bat" that he became almost grizzled about it. He's overly "no-nonsense" and acts more mature than he sometimes feels for the sake of being treated seriously, which costs him the leniency that comes with a normal childhood. Mouse's carefree mannerisms and easy optimism, as well as taking over the title of the baby of the family, allows Damian to let loose a little bit. Now he's more accepting of his desires to goof off and play games for the sake of having fun instead of being productive.

Alfred got the full Grandfather experience from Flittermouse. He's so used to being in a family of hyper-independent people that he didn't realize he wanted to feel needed. Because he knows that Bruce and Dick and Jason and Tim and Damian are perfectly fine without him. They don't need him to cook, or clean, or tend to their wounds, or help them with anything, really. They want him around, though, because they love him and he all of them, which is enough for him.

But a baby? Babies need to be tended to. They need attention. They need care. They need to be fed and clothed and cuddled and doted on. And Alfred didn't realize how much he missed doting on little Bruce when he was a child until he was gifted the chance to do it again with Mouse.

Hal learns how to be a parent with Mouse. He develops patience so, so quickly, because you have no choice when you're taking care of a brand new human who's never human'd before. He also secretly uses parenting tricks he's learned raising you on some of the planets he's called to oversee and communicate with diplomatically. Gentle parenting a whole race of K'inleons into avoiding war with another planet was not on his bucket list but damn was it effective. And, like Jason, he learns to stop and rest with Mouse, too. Maybe he doesn't need to pick up extra missions as a Lantern and stay up late patrolling his sector of the universe after doing a check just hours before. Maybe he can just stay on Earth and rest and be Hal.

Bruce would've picked up Mouse's easy capacity to love if they didn't already learn that from him. Bruce's one, fundamental trait is his optimism and capacity to believe in second chances. But Mouse does teach him to communicate more effectively with his loved ones. He slowly but surely gets over his fear that muttering the words "I love you" will not end in that person's death. He allows himself to display his vulnerabilities and admit when he's tired or wounded, instead of soldiering on after the battle is won.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Do you think leona ever asked his parents why he was even born? When he wasn't even destined to rule a kingdom and only exist in the background as a "prince", whose title meant nothing anymore when cheka was born.

(I want me some angst)

-anon

Possibly? I think that Leona probably had to come to terms with a lot of not-so-nice truths about the world and his place in it as he was growing up. He's a smart guy, he'd put two and two together eventually.

Coincidentally, Leona asks a similar question (“How can I become king?”) to a butler in the second volume of the light novel (during his post-OB flashback sequence). The butler becomes deeply uncomfortable and cannot seem to muster a response. In that moment, Leona states that he knew it was considered inappropriate for him to covet the throne. And then he praises himself for being such a clever child LMAO—

Maybe there was no particular reason for his birth. On royal money, they can have as many children as they want and still have the means to support them. Family planning isn't as necessary. If you really want to go the angst route though, maybe the Kingscholar parents had a second child as a "failsafe" in case something happened to Falena or he wasn't able to sire an heir. If that's the case, the parents probably weren't thinking about how this might affect Leona's mental or emotional wellbeing; they were preoccupied with cementing their rule into the next generation and might have figured Leona would be happy serving in some other governmental position instead of taking up the throne (which now belongs to Cheka by birthright).

It's sad to think about little Leona working so hard in order to get recognized. He must have been so full of hope and joy back then, before he realized his efforts were futile and he would never get what he wanted most of all. Not just the crown, but the love and admiration that comes with having your skill and merit recognized. I wonder if Leona got his UM before or after he had his dreams crushed...? If it's before, it feels like a bad omen and a reason for others to hate him. If it's after, it only feels like confirming what people believe about him... That he's only capable of taking and destroying, never building or growing. That has got to do some damage to your psyche.

Leona may not have even asked his parents The Question directly, honestly. His mother is scarcely mentioned and his father is ill... and Falena is busy ruling in their father's place, which makes me think that it was mostly Kifaji raising and taking care of Leona. Maybe Leona pipes up one day and asks the Grand Chamberlain why was he born if he has no purpose? And that startles Kifaji, who tries to reassure him, only for Leona to grow increasingly frustrated and accuse him of being evasive or lying to avoid telling him the ugly truth. If they're playing chess at the time, I can picture little Leona knocking all the pieces off the board with an arm and then storming off somewhere to sulk.

We still don't have the origins of his scar. Leona talks about it very casually in his Dorm Uniform voice lines, stating that scars are seen as marks of bravery in his home country, but never explaining how he got his. It could be that there's no grand story or meaning behind it--but I've also seen fan theories that the scar was the result of Leona doing something dangerous at a young age in a desperate attempt to be seen and praised by others. That detail could fit very well into this angst hypothetical.

[mamawasatesttube]

man... "time machine" by autoheart has me pondering the agonies. like fuck rebirth not doing that, but. a situation in which via magic or something, everyone [temporarily] forgets kon rebirth style. and he has to deal with that. and oops! what's that? oh it's just his suicidal tendencies coming back in FULL force, haha.

like its devastating enough when his friends don't remember him. but john henry? ma kent? clark?

what's he supposed to do with himself now? he has nothing and no one. he knows what he was made for, though. he wants to die a hero. he wants to die a hero. it won't hurt anyone this time because they forgot they love him. why is he here? he's a hero. he wants to die a hero. except heroes are remembered even after they die. what are you when no one remembers you, other than "dead twice over"? and you keep thinking of how unfair it is that the first time you died it hurt everyone you love. and now they forgot you so you may as well be dead. you kind of wish you stayed dead.

so he's not exactly taking it well. and of course ma and clark take it in stride when he shows up at the farm in distress. maybe it's a case of inadvertent dimension travel or something, clark muses, stroking his chin. and kon looks at the notch on the leg of the sofa that krypto accidentally scratched while wrestling on the floor with kon three months ago and says, haha yeah. maybe.

BUT! this time all the discrepancies and all the little things that don't add up? they're the point. kon gets to go to centennial park and point at his statue next to clark and say look. look, i'm real. i lived. you loved me. i died. i'm real. i'm real. i'm real.

and i think clark gets really quiet at that point. and then he's devastated. and furious. because he has a little brother/son/cousin/Little Guy. and someone robbed him of all of his memories of him. he has so few kryptonian family members and someone took one of them from him in the most raw, horrific way possible. they took his little guy from him so thoroughly he isn't even grieving. and isn't that in itself a horror? that there's no grief where he knows grief should be?

and i think kon here just kind of sticks Hard to clark's side at this point. if anyone remembered him or the people he loved, they'd find it odd and notable how conspicuously he's avoiding tim, bart, and cassie. unfortunately, no one knows him anymore, so no one notices. but kon just can't face the complete lack of warmth in their faces when they look at him. and it feels like far too much to explain "sorry, you don't know me, but you're supposed to love me. i love you and it's tearing me apart." so he just needs as much space as he can get.

(there's definitely a subplot of tim's nosy ass going "hey bruce, who was that guy with superman and steel at the jla meeting? what was that about? he looked a lot like superman huh?? hey bruce what's up with that guy? hey bruce what's going on--" and bruce, a paranoid asshole on the best of days, just going "i don't trust him." but tim is a nosy little ferret who will not be deterred and quite possibly pulls bart and cassie in on trying to investigate the guy who looks like superman but isn't superman.)

(however, for some reason, the guy who looks like superman but isn't superman seems to want absolutely nothing to do with the three of them. isn't that weird??)

anyways it has to have a happy ending where the curse is lifted or whatever and everyone gets their memories back and kon gets to have an incredibly cathartic breakdown into ma's lap. but probably not before he nearly gets himself killed at least 4 times first. oops!