#which isnt true for the early early stuff

[soleilestrela]

tr!tina and tr!bbh relationship (tr!somniaduo) is already so special to me:

tr!bbh is VERY hostile and has his weapons and stuff out at all times. hes always ready for a fight, even with his allies. he has even predicted an ally betraying him. there is no one on the server he mainly kept weapons off for. Except tr!tina. with tina, he only held food or 'his toys' as she put it (his totems). you could say its because he thinks she isnt a threat, but that just isnt true tbh, he holds out weapons for everyone, even people he views/underestimates to be weaker, example being tr!ros. he thinks he could still beat her, yet he keeps his weapons out for her. He also is very paranoid as he said to Chip (due to QSMP) he only hit her once when trying to fire and ender arrow, and since his bow has flame, she got set on fire. he quickly placed water and didnt get out his bow i think for the rest of the time.

Not to mention he is just flat out honest to her in ways he isnt with ANYONE. with her, he told the full truth on the foolish situation. no lies, no deception, no twists, just flat out how it went. he also offered to give her the will, which i dont think he did to anyone else except his allies. He even called foolish a good king, something he probably wouldnt admit even at gunpoint.

Furthermore, he very insistently gave her stuff. Early into her joining, she refused to take armor/weapons from him when he attempted to flat out give it to her, so he created a treasure hunt so she could more feel she earnt it. he also gave her stuff like food with no hesitation, and im pretty sure made a qsmp reference of her always taking stuff from him/him always giving her stuff. he shows a side to specifically her that is much more gentle and caring then how he is to anyone, and makes it very obvious that he cares for her, and is shown protective to her many times.

Finally, tr!bbh actively tried to push her from joining a faction. i think he doesnt want her trapped in conflict she doesnt understand, and also wants her to just relax and not be attacked. he even pushed her away from hostile faction, giving reasons why purple (Factionless) was so much better.

p.s. i discussed this w some friends before even making this analysis and some of their points are here so credits to Jey and Tincan for some of the points here :DD

p.p.s. this is likely just me being delusional if im being real bc im obsessed w somniaduo in every universe so if this doesnt make sense thats why

[judeharoldvich]

just found out there are people who hate channel awesome and think that the nostalgia critic videos are 'substitutes' for watching movies and don't fall under fair use. don't let them see subway surfers tiktok they'll have an anuerysm

[tealfruit]

totk has flaws like any game but tbh it has easily met and perhaps exceeded my expectations. BOTW was like my fav game ever but totk is EXCELLENT and has so much more to do in it too

[ivysprophecy]

please please please

word count; 1644

summary; turning off your phone and shutting out the world isnt the best way to handle your problems but its what you do. and jjs had enough of it.

warnings; i dont think there is any? mentions of anxiety attacks? tagging @murdockcastleslut @kimoralov3 @arkofblake

masterlist

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divider by @bernardsbendystraws

"well hey there stranger"

i turn from my book to look behind me, seeing the boy id been actively avoiding for the past two days. carrying his surf board.

i shouldve remembered he'd come here to surf. i just wouldn't have guessed this early in the morning.

"hey jayj."

"oh thats all i get? 'hey'? no 'i miss you so much'?" he sets his board in the sand taking a seat next to me on my blanket.

guess im not finishing my book today. "oh my god jj! youre here! ive been dyingggg to talk to you! i cant believe youre really in here in the flesh! there. better?"

"oh dont be like that- cmon mama whatd i do?" i feel bad with the genuine concern on his face.

okay was ghosting him out of nowhere awful of me? probably. i just didnt know what else to do.

after that night at the bonfire i realized that with my feelings for him growing it wasnt a good idea for us to continue our casual... something. it played with both our emotions. it isnt fair to either of us.

especially after his 'i love you'. that really did it in for me.

"you didnt do anything jj. trust. i just... ive been in a funk. needed some me time thats all."

"well... do you still need your 'me time'?" he looked so hopeful. how could i say yes? where jj maybank is concerned ill easily fold every time. "cause you havent answered my texts so i couldn't ask you to surf with me this morning."

"... i dont have my board. but i suppose i can hang out with you for a little while."

"im honored," he smiles laying back on his elbows, "but really. are you good? i like to think i know you pretty well and this whole MIA thing was not normal."

turning to face him more, i sigh, what the fuck am i supposed to say? 'yea im just so in love with you i cant be around you' yea that would go over really well.

"i dont know. just gotta lot of stuff goin on. you dont have to worry though. im good."

"well do ya wanna talk about it?"

"trust me jay you dont wanna hear about my problems. theyre trivial at best."

"what are friends for if not for listening?" he nudges me with his shoulder urging me to talk. i really dont think i can do this. i was not prepared.

"youre not a very good listener," i point out, to which he immediately takes faux offense. jaw dropped and everything.

"oh thats just not true! i can listen!"

i run a hand through my tangled hair in frustration. this cannot be how i tell him. it just cant. i came here to get away from thinking about this and now hes right here in front of me acting so unserious while im spiraling.

"jj i really appreciate how eager you are to help me but its really not necessary. i didnt really prepare myself and its just too much-"

"prepare yourself? mama what the fuck are you talking about? does this have to do with that night after the bonfire? i mean obviously it does who am i kidding you havent talked to me since then. did i do something wrong? was- was it bad?" he leans in closer, lowering his voice thats laced with worry and guilt.

oh my god that is the absolute last thing i expected him to say. shit i really fucked this up. and honestly just not true.

"what? no! no jj you didnt do anything wrong and it was perfect. promise," i try to reassure him but i know deep down hes gonna over think this whole thing if i dont tell him straight up

i may love him but i never said he was the brightest in the bunch.

"okay so whats the problem?"

"the problem is that it was perfect," i cant help but let out a sigh before hiding my face in my hands as the words leave my mouth.

god my heart is racing, im not ready for this conversation. maybe if i pass out i wont have to. yea if he has to call an ambulance then we can avoid this all together. but an ambulance is also like five grand so...

shit.

"... youre mad at me because you had a good time?" his face contorted in a weird fixture of confusion.

"no! no- god youre so dense sometimes!"

"mama i dont have a fucking clue what youre saying! how does that make me stupid??"

i hide my face in my hands again trying to compose myself because what the fuck kind of confession is this?

"jj im avoiding you because ive been developing feelings for you and i cannot in good conscience keep being so casual with you and sleeping with you knowing this and i know that you do not want anything serious so i figured id just make it easier for the both of us and just take myself out of the situation entirely so that nothing bad happens and i cannot stop fucking talking so please for the love of god say something or do something because i feel like my heart is about to beat out of my chest and-"

oh my god im getting my book moment. he just kissed me to make me stop talking!!! oh my god hes kissing me.

is this where i kiss him back?

of course i kiss him back!! what the fuck!!? and oh my lord does it feel nice, so so so nice.

the way his tongue presses against mine, the way he cups my jaw and pulls me close to him. it was slow and confident and loving and everything he knows i like. his hands find my hips like muscle memory, pulling our bodies together, eventually having me on his lap. where he takes my hands and places them on his chest so i can feel his chest rise and fall with deep breaths.

“… mama you need to learn to breathe.”

“that’s not funny right now jj. im actively having an anxiety attack, horrible thing to say really."

"what're you so anxious about? i think we're havin' a pretty calm conversation, dont you?"

"i mean yea- but thats not-" he interrupts me while shaking his head with a shrug.

"listen, i get why youre a little nervous to say that, all things considered. but i thought it was pretty obvious i was into you, i just didnt wanna push you because you made your boundaries clear so i just took what i could get."

my eyes bug out of my head in shock. am i the dense one? i mean yea hes a really good kisser and i can feel he cares deeply about me when we do stuff and makes me feel safe and supported but that doesnt mean-

yea im stupid. he all but outright said it. actually he has. thats what started this panic.

"... okay yea- maybe. but you agreed they were a good idea so i figured that meant you wanted them there too. and i dont know- it just kind of got overwhelming and i didnt wanna be one of those girls who expects something huge after sex so... you know what i mean? and truthfully youre not what i expected for me."

"what does that mean?" his face showed a little offense.

"i just mean- ya know. for one i didnt expect to love my best friend. and then on top of that i didnt think id love a guy who was a treasure hunting, or- adrenaline junkie i should say."

he leans back putting some space between us, "is that supposed to be a bad thing?

"no! no jay im not saying this right- i-... youre a fighter and youre adventurous- a lot of things im not. if that makes sense. all im sayin is a few years ago i wouldnt have expected to be here. but i like it here. love it here even," i smile at him teasingly trying to ease his worries. the last thing i need is to say the wrong thing right now.

"so what youre saying is that you love me?"

"youre such an idiot."

'but do ya? because i think you do mama."

i roll my eyes chuckling, "yea. yea i do maybank," i press a small kiss to his cheek leaning back into him.

"does this mean youll let me make you a maybank mama?" his eyebrow was quirked up as he teases his question.

"lets not get ahead of ourselves. how about we take this slow?"

he looks down at my button up shirt i was wearing over my bikini to shield me from the ocean breeze, and i could tell he was debating taking it off of me. giving me that same look he always does.

"slow? mama i dont think we're gonna be too good at that."

"all 'm sayin is we dont have to jump the gun, we both admitted it, doesnt mean we gotta change the way we act or announce it or nothing. we can just enjoy this ourselves ya know?"

"you embarrassed of me mama?"

"not at all baby, just want you all to myself. is that too much to ask for?"

he shakes his head leaning up against me, our faces inches apart, "nah i dont think so. i like the sound of that."

i meet him the rest of the way pressing his lips to mine, smiling into it. pulling him as close as humanly possible. i need him under mind skin, in my blood, you know?

"i do too, so we agree? we'll keep this between us for now?"

"whatever you want mama. yes maam."

[emero0]

Someones said this already- surely- but i cant stop thinking about ruis whole “thank you for giving me a chance to change” mentality

Because its super sweet and all but i dont think either him or tsukasa have realized how much tsukasa has changed because of rui

Like- read main story or even early game tsukasa and then read the most recent (eng or jp)

HES CHANGED SO MUCH and its all because rui humbled him- told him that he’d never be a star—because at that rate, he really wouldnt have—in a moment of pain and hurt because tsukasa was being a bitch towards nene, and also possibly because this great opportunity rui wanted to have was turning out to be a lie

Until tsukasa changed

Realized his behavior and worked to better himself, and (lets be honest) practically begs this guy hes known for maybe 2 months (idk how long the main story takes place) to come back and make shows with him because??? Because tsukasa thinks hes just that good of a director? Or maybe its because ruis the one who made him realize his true dream again and what being a “future star” really means

Not to say rui hasnt changed either, him and mizuki talk a bit about it in ena5 and he mentions it a lot,

I think the wonder halloween event might be the best example

Cus the reason i thought of this post is because i was reading tsukasa side story from that event and MAN is he cocky- like annoyingly so- idk why he was (and still is) my favorite /j

But anyway- i remembered just now that the whole plot of that event is rui learning not to hold himself back, which is a big part of his character development imo

On the other hand, ruis impact on tsukasa is less direct

Like i said its because rui first got him to realize his “true feelings” (as the game calls it), but after that its really all on tsukasa—well not quite-

See- a big part of Tsukasa’s character development is his constant realization of- i guess “his place in the world”

For me personally the phoenix edge event is a good example of him acknowledging it- but i realize it actually started way sooner

In the pop in my heart event- he realized that his acting is so far behind these american (or atleast english speaking) actors who can convey feelings through language barriers

Its his “humbling” arc if you will, he realizes just how far he needs to go, and its not that he’s not confident anymore, but that hes more aware of where his talents lie and isnt overconfident

And this is all stuff he learned more on his own- however: rui still helped propel this growth

He realized in the torpe event (on the stage of dazzling lights i believe-) that he had been holding tsukasa back by typecasting him, and decides to give him more diverse roles as well as let wxs do the play torpe in the first place (because as director, it was his final decision)

But after that—and this applies to all of wxs, but mostly nene+tsukasa—he goes and tries to figure out how to keep wxs together while still giving them the chance to grow as actors and not be confined to a stage

And he succeeds, and off wxs goes to improve!

They (and every character in game i feel) have changed and grown so much and its so awesome to see it happen—and its neat how much theyve influenced each other’s change through it all

So yeah— ruikasa(/p or /r idc) have helped each other grow so much and i hate them with a fiery passion /j

[seriousbrat]

im asking this because you made a james one but can you make a jily meta if you have time🙈🙈

Anon I'm sorry for the delay in replying, I was thinking it through!! But it's nice to have something positive to talk about haha.

The loves of my life tbh. I really really like jily even though I think my snapeishness means I'm not as involved in mainstream jily fandom. I mean enemies to lovers always has its appeal and to me james and lily are a realistic, imperfect- but all the more compelling for it- appealing dynamic.

Obviously we don't get to see a lot of their actual relationship in canon, but I think that's why it's so fun to fill in the blanks. Personally I think it's pretty normal that they were drawn to each other and ended up in a relationship from what we know- they're both pretty big personalities, intelligent and charming and brave, they have similar goals and beliefs about the world, there was attraction early on (obviously in james's case, more or less confirmed by jkr in lily's- and b4 anyone starts in on lily for being attracted to him that's not something one can control, and she probs wasn't aware anyway).

Lily basically hated his guts, with good reason, so to go from that to dating there had to be a pretty big shift in both james and in their relationship (and likely lily too, or that's my belief). Honestly what I think is that in their final years at Hogwarts, the encroaching war brought on this new seriousness, and as lines were more clearly drawn in the sand it became obvious that lily and the marauders were on the same side of it. Things like sports, popularity, rivalries cease to matter in the face of a life-or-death conflict, you're forced to grow up and deal with it, and while for Severus this brought out the worst in him, for James it brought out the best.

People talk about James changing but I think a post SWM-lily was also changing. She set a very clear boundary with Sev and I think that was an important character development moment for her. Again, the war was on the horizon, their priorities were becoming clear, and I see Lily as becoming more sure of herself and her beliefs, less tolerant of bullshit from those around her. James was becoming more circumspect, more open-minded, more responsible, so when lily and the marauders were thrown together in natural alliance the two of them were just at a point where they were compatible.

I don't think their relationship was perfect and idyllic and all that, that would be less interesting anyway. It was probably hard sometimes. One thing I love when fics explore is the class differences between James and Lily; not only is he pureblood while she's muggleborn, but he comes from wealth where she comes from a humble little working-class family in the mids. There was probably a lot of stuff James didn't understand about her life; I feel like he probably tried his best anyway. Lily probably felt intimidated or defensive about her own background at times.

I don't doubt that they argued; in fact they got off on it probably enjoyed arguing with each other, given their personalities. Both of them were intelligent, opinionated, had an arguing kink, fiery people. Like I don't think it was this exaggerated screaming match sort of thing but I'm sure they loved a healthy spirited debate which maybe got a little out of hand sometimes.

I have touched on this previously but I see James as deep down pretty insecure (who isnt in this world apart from sirius black) and I think initially he was probably pretty insecure about Lily too. I do see him regretting his previous behaviour and thinking he isn't good enough for her and that he's incredibly lucky to be with her. which is true and he should suffer. but I have an upcoming scene (lily's first time at the potters') where james is like "i feel like i'm not good enough for you" and lily's like "shut up i'm the one who's not good enough for you" and they're like "great. i guess we're not good enough for each other. sorted i guess." My point being James actively tried to be a better man, Lily saw that and admired it. because she's good and wonderful like that.

Idk I guess I see it kind of as a realistic, flawed, but ultimately loving relationship. I'm sure there was a lot of stuff they had to work on over the few years they got :( but I'm also sure they had a lot of fun together because to me they just seem really compatible in so many ways as humans.

My belief is that they got married quickly because of the war (I also believe this about frank and alice, even though i see them as older) but it's likely they would have ended up married anyway, or at least in a long term, healthy, happy relationship.

Also the pottermore entry about Vernon and Petunia is my absolute fave for many reasons (love the vertunia of it all ofc) but also the little snippet about jily is golden. The double date between vertunia and jily is perhaps one of my favourite scenes I've ever written haha it's just such a good moment, basically the only canon info we do get about while they were dating.

[w31ghtl0ss]

— Girlyy i heard that st4r^¡ng yourself can slow your metabolism (and when you eat the food turns to fat very quickly) sooo how exactly does it work. I’ve had @n@ for 2 years btw and i still question how tf does the body works sometimes…

— Btw how do yall fast? Cuz I js drink 8 of glasses water, I literally raw dog this d¡$0rd3r. I can’t standdd no sugar sodas they taste awful and are even worse than sugar sodas, no gums cuz the sugar in the gums can raise my glucose levels that leads to f@t, no fruit snacks cuz once i start to eat i can’t stop and start binging cuz my logic is, “as long as it’s healthy nothings wrong” but that clearly isn’t true cuz i tend to overdo it, no w33d, no cr@<k, no v@pe. Nothing.

— Anyways I managed to put on a tiny bit weight and i have 3 weeks to drop it ALL off, so we (me) gonna st4rv3 or water fast for the first 2 and do the ‘IU diet’ for the last week🩷

aaahh!! omg yes st@rv!ng can totally slow ur metabolism, but dont worry!! a great way to help with that is to very slowly decrease your c@lor!e limit + sometimes people like to set aside one day a week, sometimes every other week or twice a week (wtv u pref!), and do a metab0lism day, which is where you eat a significantly higher or lower amount of c@lories to “confuse” your body and potentially boost your metab0lism. Id also recommend fasting intermittently rather than for super long periods of time to keep your body from going into “survival mode” and slowing your metab0lism down a ton! basically keep those c@lor!es fluctuating and it should help!

alsoo working out and moving around a lot to burn c@ls and build up some muscle can help too! (but if that isnt your bag, go on walks! i hatee working out so i walk all the time)

also dude we r such twins omg ive had 4n4 for 2 years too! (i gave up for a while which is why it looks like i havent made much progress ;p )

and ohmygosh u will not believee how long it took me to figure out fasting- i swear for the longest time i couldnt go half a day without b!ng!ng like crazy!! and i totallyy feel u with the zero c@l sodas, they really arent the best . :( they taste almost bitter to me sometimes??

anyway, i usually start a fast before bed or in the middle of the night, just so in the morning it looks like ive already made progress and have less desire to quit so easily! and i know everyone says this and its super annoying to hear all the time but seriously, STAY HYDRATED!! if youre like me, water does not get rid of your desire to eat like everyone says :(( but when you arent eating, you dont get the extra h2o in your food which can dehydrate you without you even realizing!

for some reason gum just makes me more hungry?? so i avoid gum too, plus i dont have even super low c@l stuff during a fast because that makes me crave more!! i always have to remind myself that i am allowed to say no to food! when i am offered food i always tell myself to say no initially, just to make a habit out of it, even if i end up eating something later. starting with smaller fasting times and working your way up is something i did in the beginning, and it kind of worked! then i rewarded myself with something after, but i stopped craving things by then because i felt so accomplished!

i started with 10-13, then 15-16, and then 18-20, until 24+ and just kept trying! i wouldnt get angry if i broke the fast early, i would just wait a few hours and try again until it was practically a habit! i know sometimes it feels unachievable but it really does happen! i know i felt like i was missing something because i kept failing, but once i was able to get past 30 hours without feeling anything, it was like breathing!

if you want some more tips on fasting ill list them below, but i feel bad making you read so much! so, if you think you’ve already read enough of my yapping you can just end here, lol!!

-june ;]

more fasting tips below the cut 👇(its a lot 😥😥)

(sorry if i didnt make a ton of sense lolz xp)

-Break a fast by eating raw fruits and veggies the first five-seven days after your fast. Go back to solids slowly.

-Do not b!nge or overeat after the fast (or during!). Try to discover the amount of food your body really needs.

-Meditate, go for a walk, take lots of naps, journal, listen to music, take long, warm bathes and relax. This is your time for healing, losing weight and gaining self-control!

-Try to get plenty of sleep. And if you can't stand your stomach growling the first few days, and are tired of downing the h2o, take a nap... listen to some soothing music and drift off.

-Get a massage. If you can afford it, or have your partner or a close friend give you a good rub down or deep tissue massage. This really soothes muscles and makes you calm and sleepy. It helps when you're having trouble sleeping due to hunger during your fast. Plus, it awakens your body, pushes the blood around, etc.

-You may feel weak during your fast so if this is the case, be careful of black outs and don't exercise until you've finished the fast... Stick to stretching, light walking and deep breathing.

-If you suffer from diabetes, hypoglycemia or other similar conditions, please be very, very careful fasting. I'd say don't fast at all but if you feel you can do it safely, you may need a slice of avocado or a banana... You could also add protein powder to your juices.

-Sometimes during a fast, the person will experience back pain. If so, a cold pack will help.

-If you are just too tired on your water fast, go to a juice fast and if you are already juicing, drink more carrot and melon juices for energy.

-Water fasts are always the hardest but fastest for weight loss and detox.

-Juice fast is next best and somewhat easier, especially for first time fasters.

-You'll lose pounds faster if you have a fast metabolism and slower if you have a slower metabolism. On average, fasts allow you to lose 1-2 lbs per day. Some experience more around 3-5 lbs per day. You'll lose the most and the quickest during the beginning of your fast.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!

Pleasee be safe and research more on your own if you plan on doing suuper long fasts, i am not a health specialist or anything like that, so if you have any kind of advice or anything i missed, please correct me so i dont give anyone false information! everyone is different and its important to know your body, i want everyone to be able to achieve their goals in the safest way possible, even if your goal isnt a healthy weight, i want u to be okay :))

lots of love!!!

[liquidstar]

speaking of greece and also oc side projects, i was trying to do worldbuilding on the "godless" ocverse. still in the concept stage but heres what i got

what i've already established is that this is a fantasy world where all of greek mythology is real, but the gods have abandoned the earth for a long time. after almost 2000 years, we're in the equivalent of the 1800s/early 1900s. the general conditions (as well as designs) are based on real life greece during that era. the main difference is that its much more peaceful- part of the reason im setting this in an alternate world is because im not doing this to tackle ottoman occupation, the pontic genocide, or world wars 1 and 2. a lot of that stuff is heavier than what i wanna do.

but i am still trying to tackle one thing about greek culture, specifically in relation to the gods. the history of hellenism is still something very deeply ingrained into the country's culture, and yet... idk if you guys have noticed, but the country has been christianized (the fact that the gods absence lines up w the anno domini era is on purpose). my goal isnt to romanticize ancient greece by any means, there was a lot wrong with it and im not one of those "roman empire" guys lol. but what i wanna do is get into that weird "gap" in greece's modern identity vs its ancient one, via the feelings of the characters and being abandoned by the gods and the bygone age of heroes. (and im aware ofc that a big part of that IS the heavier side of the country's history, even if i wont directly be tacking the aforementioned real world events)

MOSTLY i want it to be a fun romp though, i wanna pay homage to the adventures of heroes like odysseus, jason and the argonauts, perseus, heracles, etc., who would all be REAL historical figures in-universe! (well, heracles is a demigod) most likely ones the protagonists would idolize in their own adventures. im referencing the cambelion monomyth/hero's journey as a format for that, but i don't intend to lean too heavily on it either.

all that being said, i made a map :)

i chose the name "ilia" from the ancient greek name for troy- "ilion," which is also the namesake of homer's iliad.

the region is split up into different territories. all the territories still worship the gods equally, but they each have one main major sanctuary to focus on the olympians+hades (and i included both hestia and dyonisis, i think it would be funny if both region didnt consider the other one a true part of the lineup). the position of the symbols shows you where the major sanctuary is located.

again, all regions worship all the gods and have different temples throughout (smaller towns and villages may have their own temples dedicated to more specific deities) however, the major sanctuary in each area is what defines it because the hiereus or hiereia of these temples acts as a head of state (of course, a world where gods are real is a theocracy). the requirements for a hiereus/hiereia are to be gifted by the god of the temple, and be a dedicated scholar of their domain. theyre selected from a large group, through a democratic processes, usually leading for life.

i have names for each reason but theyre not set in stone so ill keep those on the back burner

i dont have a lot of specifics plot-wise figured out anyway, but wanted something to visualize the idea. itll put me on the path to figuring out exactly what that could entail! after all, even with the gods gone, plenty of supernatural things remain. enchanted/cursed relics, hallowed ruins, ancient monsters, the underworld, olympus, oracles, and, of course, the gifts!

[spatio-rift]

the only part of the karin filler episode that i strongly disagree with is what her life was like in oto. in my opinion the episode focuses too much on her healing abilities which wasnt why orochimaru valued her at all. its something kusa horribly took advantage of because they didnt see karin as a person but orochimaru had no need for that when he already had kabuto. karins sensory abilities are much more valuable to him since only one of her can guard an entire prison (efficient). which is why she was the warden of the southern hideout.

and that responsibility implies a certain level of trust. we know karin doesnt Fear orochimaru the way suigetsu does, so i really dont think she was treated the same way she was in kusa. and i do really believe orochimaru keeps his promises to an extent. he is genuinely charismatic and a LOT of people worked under him willingly. so other than some early testing to understand this ability that would have been explained to her and that she would have given consent to*, i really do believe he would have kept his promise to not let anyone else touch her and give her a safe place to exist in.

now of course we also know karin is not that loyal to orochimaru. that kind of background and protection from him could be enough for her to worship him the way kimimaro does. but well ultimately karin is just not that important to orochimaru that he would put on as much of a show for her as he did for kimimaro. and we cant forget that 1) orochimarus chakra is crazy disgusting and oppressive, and thats the first thing karin feels. its how she identifies people. no matter how good he could be to her she knows instinctively that his true nature is completely wicked, so it would be hard to truly let down her guard around someone like that, and 2) he did very much involve her in human experiments lol. she is not into that stuff like kabuto is. its traumatizing. that kind of thing sours a relationship pretty quickly.

all in all. i just think its nuanced. oto isnt just "prisoner going through hell" and "loyal followers who worship orochimaru like a god and see him as a savior and parent". shes just one of the many people in oto who are there to survive. i think its a choice everyone in oto who isnt blinded by orochimarus charisma (or into the whole vibe) makes at some point. to turn a blind eye to everything going on there and not make waves for their own safety or personal gain. to participate in it because outside would be worse, or they dont want it to happen to them

[muirneach]

fuck it uncle tupelo toxic yaoi. a brief overview

to set the scene, early 80s, jay farrar (et al) is a high schooler in a band with his brothers and they invite another student in (jeff tweedy) so they can play more gigs. within two months jeff and one of the farrar brothers start beefing and the brother leaves. off to a great start. but its all good they keep playing for the rest of the decade getting their music career going as uncle tupelo.

in 1990 they release no depression, heralding the true beginning of the alt country scene. 1991 there’s already beef with jay and jeff. meanwhile alt rock suddenly shows up but they keep doing country music so they don’t ever really get big commercial success. altho they do get good hits with the march 1992 album. also wikipedia tells me they kicked out a guy in the band for being gay because they (in hindsight) ‘couldn’t emotionally deal with being close friends with a gay person’. could mean nothing. anyways that isnt relevant. more guys enter the band and jay and jeff cannot stop arguing. i haven’t read all the stuff on the topic so don’t take this as gospel but i’ve always gotten a definite vibe of jay a) being really jealous of jeff for no reason and also b) lowkey manipulating and gaslighting him into him thinking he was like. a terrible person. at some point during this jay calls him a mamas boy which is relevant later (see linked song) and is fair he was kind of a sad wet cat of a guy at the time. anyways so jay quits the band and doesn’t even tell jeff he has to hear it from the manager!! but they do a farewell tour which immediately implodes because jay refuses to sing with jeff. insane. but that’s uncle tupelo done and dusted.

here comes my favourite part. all of the people in the band follow jeff into his new band, wilco. wilco releases their first album a.m., which is basically the same sound as the tupelo sound and it kind of flops at the time. it was kind of just jeff releasing something as soon as possible. meanwhile jay goes into his new band, son volt, releases trace which leans more country and it does really well in the scene. critics, as invested in this drama as me, immediately herald jay as the winner of the fight and jeff as a flop.

then wilco releases being there, a hell of a double album in a new musical direction that is also definitely one hundred percent about the implosion of tupelo. and it does sooo much better even though they didn’t even try to make a hit. meanwhile son volt releases THEIR second album, straightaways, and it does okay but not as well as trace. since then wilco has had enormous commercial success (guess who won a grammy!) and son volt went on hiatus a few times and jay farrar has bounced through a few bands.

so that’s the life and times of those two illinois white boys. i just really am enamoured with the tupelo implosion to a.m. -> being there vs trace -> lack of continued success narratives. like look who cannot escape the guy he fucking hates even though said guy is doing just fine without him!! lets all stream misunderstood 😁

[matoitech]

the thing abt gurren lagann is that there’s a lot of really intense and typical early 2000s homophobia in it that sucks ass but it feels a little easier to get past nowadays bcuz the director and writer team that made gurren lagann made promare ten years later. which has some things that feel like they exist to directly contrast against gurren lagann and show a much better version of what couldve been. i mean most obviously u have galos entire existence w his appearance and his behavior/the way he talks is kind of this juxtaposition against kamina. where kamina can be this embodiment of toxic masculinity (some of it u can argue is intentional and meant to be read as him being in the wrong, but a lot of it is bcuz it was 2007 and they thought it was funny) galo is a lot more intentional with combatting a lot of that ten years later as another over the top masculine action movie hero kinda guy. but he has shit like 'being normal to women' baked in2 his character so foundationally you only even think about it if youve Seen a gainaxtrigger production with an adult male lead before and you say 'wow, unfortunately that isnt typical.' his attraction to men also isnt treated like a joke, his relationship with lio is another foundational block in promare and taken rly seriously as a huge part of the narrative.

however trigger did not apparently learn anything actually about women (or race but thats a seperate post) in the last decade bcuz that shits still very present in promare. galo being respectful to women isnt a sentiment shared with the people who made the actual movie, probably more bcuz they thought people wouldnt like galo or recognize him as a good person in 2019 if he was weird to women (true but also why didnt it occur to them beyond writing their oc) (its also possible he was 'allowed' to be written as respectful to women bcuz trigger was writing him with the assumption he wasnt attracted to them so surely he would have no 'reason' to be a creep to women which is its own can of worms but thats just a possible branch of speculation based on how fiction written by misogynistic men often views misogyny and gay men)

*this post also doesnt get into the specifics of gurren laganns homophobia and particularly egregious bits of playing into both predatory and transmisogynistic stereotypes at times, particularly with leeroy (good god leeroy is awful), but since promare is a lot better abt this stuff in the first place its not really relevant w comparisons, unless you want to talk about lio and gender nonconformity in 2019 vs 2007 but they’re just not rly on the same league at all

[kirk]

hiiii i’d love to hear your thoughts on the hiatus revisionist history if you feel comfortable sharing :^)

ouhhh yeah ofc ill try not make this too long cause its not like groundbreaking nor like complicated yk i honestly just think both when they say they were still friends AND never spoke are both true statements like... 3-ish years IS a long time, especially for two guys who spent. nearly 10 years together almost Constantly yknow? so...

a lot can change and shift in those 3 years. if we look at like... the lead up to the hiatus you can definitely see patrick be a lot more distant with pete (except for a few examples that are like... oh ok you weirdos made up for a week huh) and its obviously from all the tension and just, natural drifting cause of that tension and then the start of the hiatus i really think they did not speak much at all, both because of the grieving of the "loss" of the band and the anger that grieving would fuel, etc. like even if they always thought it was always an hiatus, theyre dramatic, if they dont do it anymore for any length of time its like the end of the fucking world <3 so start of hiatus i feel like, they did not speak and that was when patrick would like... not return calls to pete, or talk to him much, he probably was fully in like... trying to gather together stuff to make his solo projects and we all know patricks just MIA when hes in creating mode, and he was 100% using that to deal with the "loss" of fob, we then get to pete's divorce and i feel like around this time they wouldve reconnected a bit again but maybe after a bit of back and forth (eg the "what do u want" text bit), a good example of them reconnecting in some form would be pete suddenly bringing out his stump club shirt in 2011 like a month after his divorce

i feel like because of his divorce and ofc patrick being around for all of his relationship with ashlee, they would have reconnected in a time that pete wouldve needed comfort and familiarity and it had been over a year since the hiatus started so the initial grief and anger wouldve 100% died down and i feel like this is when pete would have said like. you dont even know my son, etc, like patrck was also at petes place for a good chunk of time in april 2011 which is only shortly after pete brings out that shirt, however, some shit happened after this that we literally have no clue What and they kinda fall out again, maybe not fully like what happened at the start of the hiatus but definitely a falling out again (eg patrick saying in zane lowe "i thought we were [fine] but then you--") and fast forward then to all THAT stuff with SP being redone and redone way more angrily and then we get to death of a pariah and it kinda really makes them reconnect but like... less to do with familiarity (repeating the cycle of how they got into a tension-filled mess that resulted in the hiatus in the first place) and more to do with, lets rebuild, lets do this different, lets go back to our roots and do it to create again, lets go back and relearn what made us best friends in the first place and we can really... really see that, i wont show it but the leaked picture of pete and patrick at patricks wedding in 2012 really shows the like, rebuilt relationship i think, the youthful joy again that just wasnt there on the lead up to the hiatus nor in patricks depression-filled frenzy with SP and then. well. it kinda just never broke after that, amen. so basically. yeah they both WERE still friends/considered the other their friend but also they probably didnt like each other much/didnt want to see the other for at least TWO chunks of time during the hiatus until the Actual Healthy Reconnection circa early 2012-ish where they dont just reconnect in a way they were used to but instead in a way that was to rebuild from the ground up. this part is a little speculation cause im not pete nor patrick but i feel like because patrick normally isnt that explosive and open about his mental health, pariah just kinda forced the both of them to REALLY talk, because, patrick had put it all out there, there was no taking it back, pete now knew how patrick felt and well. as patricks biggest hypeman he couldnt let that go and it just forced patrick to just fucking talk about how he felt for once, which allowed pete to recontextualise shit and also heal from shit which in turn let him help patrick heal a bit, esp with those early songwriting hang outs p2 had, which then in turn made patrick more open to asking how joe felt which allowed joe to feel happy to come back to fob which in turn rebuilt fall out boy. etc. yeah. anyway hi. i love to ramble

[teammelodies]

New animation, and NPCs

SO! Stuff has happened.

I've been sort of hyper-focused on the astrea mod

I now know why padding exists

The yellow shader refuses to change colour

the player's talk animations now work correctly when not in a cutscene

And I need to stop procrastinating on getting started adding new dialogue to the dark ruins and snowdin instead of just the wild east.

More under cut

~~~

So anyway, I've been working on changing the first wild east mission

My current plan is to have it change depending on the player's current level (Much like the martlet neutral roof cutscene)

Any level over 3 gives something similar to the base game cutscene

But if you're on true pasifist or at least below level 3

You get treated to this little animation

This is the most current version of the animation, I will improve upon it to make it look alot better.

Won't say anything else about that to avoid spoilers ;)

Moving on to a more ambitious idea

If you played UTY (which, if you havent go play it, it's free), you'll know that Clover went underground to find the other humans. However, it isnt exactly expanded upon other than people telling us they're dead.

We know they're dead, and clover sort of pieces that together early on, but we don't know HOW they died, which is where I introduce the first new NPC, i'll be adding to the mod, and who will be part of that project i talked about.

This is Elsie Salvia

She's a sheep monster based on the Valias Blacknose

She's the one who ends up finding Hope in the Ruins instead of Toriel.

But I'll talk more about her role in Hope's story in detail later

For now...

This is what she's going to look like in the astrea mod

You're probably asking questions about how big a time gap it was between Hope falling and Astrea falling for Elsie to be an adult... the answer to that is, it's ambiguous!

A thing of note about Elsie is that she's a boss monster, and boss monsters stop aging after a certain point until they have kids themselves.

So Elsie's age is left a mystery.

You'll meet Elsie somewhere in snowdin (I haven't decided yet). The player will be able to talk with her and, at some point, will be able to ask about the fallen humans.

I'm considering adding a new room for Elsie's home where the player can hang out and learn more about what happened to Hope.

The plan is to have something similar for the other humans, too, and the dialogue in the endings change depending on if you talked to all the new NPCs or not.

But I'm still yet to design NPCs for the rest of them.

There's also the issue of integrity having attacked monsters, that I'll need to translate to Olive (my integrity soul oc) somehow in a way that doesn't change up the general story with chujin and kanako too much.

My first thought is that it was a misunderstanding, but that wouldn't explain why Olive had an impure soul.

Then I thought, "Maybe it was an accident," or "Maybe they were protecting kanako" or something, but that last one doesn't make much sense.

I'll have to figure that out later.

[possiblylando]

another not so early analysis on Chainsaw Man Chapter 141

I was busy killing people with my mind okayy

The Chainsaw Man Curry Buns are a pretty interesting double edged metaphor. The primary being that Chainsaw Man is starting to lose stock as a person and protector in favor of elevating him toe this godly status. Half is 1/2th, There are two Chainsaw Men now, Only one of which is active now. The Fake one, Who is basically a half off knock off copy. Additionally Denji's life has been split in half as he's no longer able to become Chainsaw Man, Making him Half off aswell. Really cool stuff.

Its interesting that Denji has specifically chosen to wear a different shirt. His usual ones have a hole cut into them so that he can put the ripcord through it and easily turn into chainsaw man without any issue. But now that part of himself is physically blocked off. His muscle memory is to pull it when he sees a devil, So he's done this to stop himself from doing it out of reflex.

The choice to make these first pages entirely devoid of dialog is a neat touch which reflects denji's current attitude. He still has to go about life, The life he wants. But it still feels empty. There's nothing interesting going on that would even require dialog.

Denji's maturity is commendable but still very sad. He's willing to give up his own happiness for the good of others. He's still able to find some joy in it but he's not able to find happiness through fulfillment anymore. Also Fujimoto just drew Nayuta once and called it a day lmao.

So we've got; Flamethrower, Sword, Spear, Whip here. Which is interesting because they're the only ones here that we see. Meaning Quanxi, Reze, And Katana Man are all absent. It could mean they aren't apart of the church. It would make sense of Quanxi to have fucked off. Katana Man hates Denji so obviously he's never join the church. Reze is an interesting case. There are two possibilities. 1. Reze isn't in the church 2. Fujimoto is saving her for a big reveal in the coming chapters

We will absolutely be seeing Miri begin to act for himself in the coming chapters. His arc is pretty clearly being set up. >Only Weapon who isnt a total psycho or pawn >Wants to be friends with Denji and doesn't gaslight him like the others >Doesn't want to kill people for no reason >Doubting the church's doings. He's deep into indoctrination but he's still showing is true self. I hope he actually gets to survive this arc.

Gay people can't spell stereotype.

Barem is going to get kicked in the nuts so hard. It'll be so fucking funny. Just you watch. Everytime there's an absolutely insane evil guy for denji to fight he kicks them in the nuts. He only hasn't done it in awhile because the big bads of part 1's latter half were all women.

[thirdmagic]

honestly i often cannot help but thinking about how of the two PDL cross-dressing-baihe-heroine works i read, the way gender and sexuality is approached like, it is so different for each of her main characters. like, fgep is a pretty classic mulan-type setup where lin wanyue only cross-dresses to get into the army, and specifically disguises herself as her twin brother, and the male identity is not really her, li xian is decidedly and explicitly only interested in women and not at all into her for as long as she thinks lin wanyue's a man, it's very much a temporary state of being for her, and while this isnt the central conflict of the story by any means it's very present in the story as a conflict bc lin wanye actively angsts over her attraction to li xian and has to get accustomed to the idea of queerness and herself being queer, contrast to li xian herself who came into her queerness at a young age and is very fierce in asserting it even as she has to keep it a secret, she's very firm in 'i like women and only women even if i will use marriage to a man for political advantage and to have power in the world', this is like a big thing for them both.

and then contrast jwqs. qi yan was quite literally assigned male at birth. she clearly recognizes herself as a 'girl-in-disguise-as-a-boy' and identifies herself as a woman in text repeatedly, but also, she spends pretty much her entire life publicly living and presenting as a boy, the androgyny is basically baked into her identity, she is clearly very comfortable with her male identity and presentation bc that's just her default way of being. and she and jingnu fall in love pretty early on, jingnu is clearly attracted to and in love with her both before and after seeing qi yan as a woman. and she does go out of their way to tell qi yan she is her wife. but also its not really that big of a deal? like yeah this is at least in part because they have much bigger issues to deal with by the time qi yan does her big reveal, like all the crime qi yan did and the fact that they're on enemy sides and the general extremely tumultuous political situation that they're at the center of, these are much bigger problems, especially once all the murder and arson get uncovered. but it is still of note how even though the topic of gender does come up it's basically a side note in comparison to all the other big reveals and jingnu doesnt really struggle all that much with the idea that her true love is a woman or what that means for her, and qi yan is much angsiter over being attracted to and in love with the daughter of the man who destroyed her life and kingdom than she is over the fact that it's a daughter, it's discussed and not dismissed but it's not reaaallly an issue.

and just in general qi yan is just so. so aggressively androgynous, and i don't just mean in looks, her very identity is androgynous, her experience really feel like it falls somewhere under the umbrella of transness. idk theres just so much interesting stuff going on there and i wonder how much of it was intended on the one hand because i feel like the idea was basically just to write a cis woman lesbian like lin wanyue but also on the other hand pdl made the very active choice to have qi yan's crossdressing and gender stuff happen literally from the day of her birth, like, it wasn't actually needed for her to Already be an established crossdresser by the time li yanru finds her or for the revenge plot to happen, especially because she basically gives her puberty blockers which does the lion's share of work to disguise her. like no this was an active, character-shaping choice that also kind of persists until the end.

anyway i have not read her other stuff yet so i dont know how she approaches it there, i assume there's differences there too because she probably wants to vary stuff even if she uses similair setups or tropes, but fgep and jwqs just stand out to me as having the strongest contrast.

[johnniestheme]

simon and stellas lore

heavily based off the hawaii pt ii album by miracle musical

(early summer) 

determined to impress his deadbeat father, simon sails off to hawaii on a fishing trip. he finds himself caught in a storm which destroys his ship and leaves him washed up on the beach with nothing but the clothes on his back. stella finds him and gets him help. the octangulas offer simon a place to stay, in return for working on the small family orchard.

(late summer now, simon and stella have established a relationship together)

the city holds a yearly ball to celebrate the end of summer. simon asks stella to go with him and she agrees. after a while they sneak out the back and run off to "their spot" 

(an abandoned stone lookout on a cliff, with a view of the ocean)

as they jog through the forest together, simon catches his foot on a small branch. not realizing her date is currently on the ground, stella keeps running. simon scrambles up and immediately starts yelling out her name. his shouts grow more frantic as he hears a scream in the distance. blood seeps from her chest as he finds her collapsed on the stairs of the lookout, a knife sitting not far from her body. he gives her one last quiet goodbye before running off to the local police station for help. the group of men follow him to the spot of her murder, and simon is detained as one of the officers notices the blood on his hands. 

uuruurgghhh the court stuff is boring but basically the evidence is stacked so high against simon that he decides to plead insanity for what he assumes will be a lighter punishment. he is sentenced to electro shock therapy (before anesthesia was common) and is to be shipped off back to the mainland of the states to spend the rest of his life in an institution. 

(mid/late winter)

simon escapes after months of enduring the torture of the asylum. by the time he got out, the electro shock therapy had done a number on him. he forgot almost everything about him or his life, including stellas death. he only knows that he longs for someone, and that someone is in hawaii. determined to find her, he steals a small wooden rowboat, planning to sail off back to hawaii to find her. 

with absolutely no plan or preparations, simon takes off in the dead of the night. his mental health worsens the longer he is alone at sea, considering hes slowly starving to death. 

(this next part is planned to dsism, down to the very second, but ill try not to be too wrapped up in their every move)

in the middle of the third night, simon hears the sound of the water stirring. lifting his head, he sees stella standing over the water, looking no different than the night of the ball. she reaches out her hand, and as he grabs it, he is suddenly in his suit. the feelings of hunger and worry wash from his body. he doesnt feel tired anymore, just at ease. they dance on the water, and slowly up into the clouds, where they reside happy in heaven together

the end :3

and just to clear a few things up:

-the story is set in the 1960s

(in the original ref sheet drawings it says 1940s but my dumbass forgot hawaii wasnt a state until 1959)

-i have 2 versions of my hpii story. the first one (this one) is less realistic and has a few unnecessary changes because i just decided i wanted to

the second one is my hpii movie concept ideas. the movie concept is pretty similar with 2 exceptions. 

1: its more realistic (stellas last name isnt octangula, the court system is more true to life ect ect)

2: it sticks to the album better 

-last thing to know is im dyslexic so pretty please ignore the grammar mistakes. because of the built in spell check, spelling isnt usually a problem, but i do sometimes overcompensate with my punctuation, so theres probably a few out of place commas out there.