#which is why I’m writing this all down
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I’m just going to do a little rant
I get annoyed when I make art, but people focus more on the random thing I had in my head, or something I reblogged
I know I should fee happy that someone else art, or rant, or whatever is being liked, but that’s what most people like other then my random non-art things (except my rants)
I spend hours on something and then something else I write or made in like 30 seconds gets more likes and reblogs! I’m not trying to sound selfish or anything, but it makes me tired and not want to make art, or just not post it here.
The main reason I post it here is because, first of, I want other people to see my art, beside my family. Second, I want constructive criticism, feedback, how I can make it better, most of the art here I don’t even show my parents it, because a) they won’t understand anything the arts about or aren’t interested in what I’m into, and b) I know they’ll give me feedback, but it feels like they say they like it even if they don’t really like it (it’s probably just how I feel and not how they actually feel but still)
This was a longer rant then what I anticipated, and I know I’m probably just being selfish or whatever, but I just wanted to get this off my chest.
#disaster rants#vent post?#idk#idk what else to tag#idk how to tag this#idk what im doing#also something I didn’t add was I like compliments and praise on my work#that sounds dumb writing it out….#but I also really like comments#something I never really get#probably because I’m a smaller blog then other blogs 😅#I bet no one is really going to see this#which is why I’m writing this all down#ill probably delete this later#maybe not#i’ll stop rambling now
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Guys while hallucinating on my new meds, I came to the realization that Mihawk was out on the open seas as swordsman since he was a teenager maybe even younger…. Did he ever finish a normal education?
Scratch that did he even have a normal education? Does he know math? Can my guy tell me the quadratic formula? Like I think we all forget as individuals how much school taught us yes the school system is broken blah blah but guys we understand germ theory and how birds fly and chemistry and biology that people just 60 years ago wouldn’t have known and would have killed to know, like I’m sure he can write and I’m pretty sure he can read but does he know how the moon pulls the tide? Did he know the earth wasn’t flat until he saw a globe for the first time?
Have we as individuals been bamboozled by the stoic gothic refinement of luxury that Mihawk projects we completely overlooked they fact the guy probably doesn’t know salt is a rock? Like wanna bet he saw how cool the over the top refined gay goth was and just like tailored that too his vibe but he’s never actually read a classic in his life?
What I’m trying to get at is Shanks who grew up around some of the smartest people in the world who spoke multiple languages, one was a doctor and you know Rayliegh who definitely doubled as a quartermaster might have a higher education then Mihawk.
Like I think it would be funny if Shanks was the guy who read books on Philosophy and artistic historical movements throughout the world (cough to impress Mihawk cough) and Mihawk doesn’t know how fish breathe underwater and has never read anything higher the a YA novel. (Which are awesome books but talk about reading a book by its cover! Lol… I’ll see myself out.)
#mishanks#akataka#Mihawk trying to be deep: it’s like the birds and flight we can only wonder how they do it#Shanks who learned about wind currents and lift when he was six: Mihawk do u not know how birds fly?#one peice#as someone with dyslexia and dysgraphia and has chicken scratch hand writing mood Mihawk#now I kinda want Shanks to sit Mihawk down and teach him cursive because you know Mihawk would be all over that for the ✨aesthetics✨#and no Mihawk not knowing things does not bother him I would think he has his priorities which is stab and sword be the best and look cunty#why would he need to know how the digestive tracks works for that? or what germs are? or how plants rat sunlight#one peice thoughts#by the way my meds are fine I’m just being dramatic#dracule mihawk#akagami no shanks#red haired shanks#mihawk shanks#shanks x mihawk#rambles
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Blyke and John: the Followup
In my last entry, I pointed out the similarities between chapters 249 and 121, but I had hit the image limit and wasn’t able to embed screenshots. I got around this by linking the chapters, but this is probably my favorite parallel, and to do it justice I think I need to really put them next to each other.


(121) (249)


(121) (249)


(121) (249)


(121) (249)


(121) (249)


(121) (249)


(121) (249)


(121) (249)


(121) (249)


(121) (249)


(121) (249)


(121) (249)


(121) (249)
It’s the same fucking scene but backwards and in a different font.
They’re the SAAAAAAAAAAME!!!!!!!!
This was definitely on purpose. Shit like this ^^ doesn’t happen by accident.
#unordinary#blyke unordinary#john unordinary#you know you’re deep in when you think you’re editing your draft and you’re wondering why the pictures are formatted all weird#Then you scroll down and realize you’re looking at the actual episode#i clicked the wrongfucking tab#T_T#I’m actually insane because when I first realized how similar Blyke and John are I denied it#I was like “nah but they’re nothing alike”#what was I on#girl wtf#AND NOW IVE MADE FIVE WHOLE ENTRIES ABOUT IT#I don’t think i’ve ever made more than one entry about a topic before#The most boldfaced lie i ever did tell myself apparently#Analysis#Blyke and John parallels#i can’t believe i just made an actual tag for that#How many times am I gonna write about this?#this one better be the last#But Really I’ve got no idea what essays my future brain has in store#Speaking of which. Essays is apparently the proper term for what I make#I’ve been calling them “little literary analyses”#which is also true#but I was trying to find a term for fan-nonfiction#nonfiction fanwork#like this#meta#and my brother was like: “you mean an essay?”#Yeah i guess that is what I mean#I like fan-nonfiction better though
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We all know Timmy is Wanda’s mama’s boy but we need to keep in mind he’s still Cosmo’s kid too and that Cosmo would love him just as vehemently as Wanda

#fairly oddparents#not that anyone has portrayed him different#certainly not distance he loves Timmy he probably says it the most in the show and in fanon#but still- watching New Wish there felt like there was a disconnect with Cosmos character-like he wasn’t as well defined as he was in OG#that’s in part due to them toning him down from being an idiot plain and simple but I feel like it wasn’t fitted with something else it was#simply taken away#just to say he didn’t have as much of a presence to me in New Wish as Wanda did and I crave spinning Cosmo around in my brain#I want to see Poof being his Dad’s Boy yknow and I want to see cosmo doting and I want to see when he gets like. parental rage for the sake#of his kids#yknow? Yknow? part of him feeling detached in a new wish has translated into him not wanting to get as close to Hazel as he did Timmy-#to try and play it more like godparents are supposed to- just a presence for a couple months#but also because like. he got SO attached to Timmy and he’ll never regret it and he’d never do anything different#but idk. if it were me I wouldn’t have the capacity to go through losing my godkid again after becoming that attached#that’s not even mentioning that they don’t HAVE to be in hazel’s life the same way they were in Timmy’s because Timmy was going through#neglect and Hazel has loving family and friends all around her at all times- her blocks are mental#in that way cosmo and Wanda just have to do the Typical Godparent Job of aiding her- not becoming people she desperately needs in life#which also bleeds into why I think Peri was having such a. difficult time#godparents aren’t supposed to be attached the way his family was to Timmy and that how he learned it#but his first godkid is Not Easy and lends immediately to the issues Timmy was having where he HAS parents he HAS things (though . Timmy#was not rich and would sometimes not be fed… dev’s dad also forgets to feed him but dev is still able to eat you know)#and how he grew up with his parents as godparents and how he’s been taught are conflicting and it’s nature vs doing a good job quoteunquote#I didn’t mean to ramble so damn much in the tags I’m really sorry#told myself if I had more to say I’d write it down and post it later but I must be heard.
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(Is this a safe space to say that I’ve long thought the reason many/most of the songs on Midnights that aren’t on the surface about her then-relationship were there was because they detail issues that WERE happening in her then-relationship that she was exploring/revisiting through those experiences and not just because she was trying to find a way to save her then-relationship)
#I’m not being shady at all#it’s just funny seeing the thoughts from my brain and my kikis be voiced ‘out loud’ lol)#like wait what it’s not just me lol#that’s pretty much always how I’ve framed midnights tbh#like I’m not saying it to brag but it became very clear to me post Joever and especially post TTPD that the politics and gender roles line#was salient because that WAS what she navigating with whatever was happening with Joe#and same with the ‘can I just ask you what the fuck’ of it all#just like maroon is there because the relationship is breaking down in a similar way#I’d even argue that’s why high infidelity is there in part too — it’s not just because Joe was the one who brought her back to life#but the ‘I didn’t know you were keeping count’ quiet resentment of it all was happening in real time#and so on#like: every song on midnights is there for a reason#there is a reason these things are keeping her up at night#and that’s the thread throughout midnights#she’s not just randomly writing songs about these people or events — it’s because it’s what she’s grappling with at the moment#so when I’m writing about it for instance this is very much the place from which I’m framing it#anyway I’m gonna shut up now#these are inside and private thoughts lol#I’m so deliriously tired I don’t know if this comes across as conceited so if it does I apologize
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man i’ve had pretty serious art block before in the past but it was always more a lack of inspiration/irl stuff draining all my energy, currently Not having art block but getting hit by my first bout EVER of feeling like i just straight up can’t make anything that’s good enough and oh my god how do people deal with this
#i have zero mental defenses against this bc it’s never happened to me#like i know i’m being stupid here bc i feel like everything ive ever drawn is somehow worse than anything anyone else has ever drawn#which first of all cannot possibly be the case bc art is subjective and also i’m not that special#and second of all ‘this means i’m bad at everything’ is not a reaction i have EVER had to art i consider ‘better’ than mine#i’ve always just been excited by the opportunity to learn how to do a new cool art thing i couldn’t do before#like what is happening here why did my brain broke#on the bright side this doesn’t seem to be even slowing me down from writing and drawing things and posting them anyway#but i could really do without the accompanying dramatics in the back of my head#‘you can’t post this you are an affront to art history and the whole of humanity’ shut Up brain it’s literally minecraft fanart for fun#anyway all this to say. thank you everyone being nice in the notes of my silly lil poems you’re gonna make me cry#mumbling
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also. tbh. a little disappointed it seems like taash is Also going to be from the qun, or at least a very recent defect. i was hoping we’d get to see more vashoth characters
#at this point it feels like a concept they made up for adaar/whatever qunari pcs for this one#this is something i’ve noticed recently where it’s like. nonhuman cultures feel like they’re being. what’s the word#reducing them all down to one culture#seeing this especially with elves bc we haven’t really spent time in an alienage since tabris#arianni and merrill are both dalish transplants. but alienages have their own culture#there’s elves whose ancestors were never in the dales. there’s elves who lived in the dales who never joined the dalish#but we don’t really get a whole lot about that#like. it’s very cool to have two dalish companions but i’m a little disappointed they’re the only elven companions yk#god. i could write a whole other post about elves#seeing this a little bit with dwarves too bc in harding’s v&v episode she brought up the stone a bunch#which i’ve already mentioned. could be an insight into surfacer culture that hasn’t assimilated into the chantry#or it could just be that they went ‘uhhh dwarf so they’re all the same’#i’m of two minds about varric’s beard for the same reason bc it was an intentional choice to have him be clean shaven#and maybe he’s gone through some offscreen character development. or it could be this again#it seems like a similar thing that happens to characters of color like#if they’re not white it’s either them or their parents who came from rivain/antiva/tevinter (thinking vivienne duncan isabela etc)#everyone needs an excuse for why they are where they are. except for white humans bc that doesn’t NEED an explanation. is how it comes acros#mine#taash
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i honest to god wonder when i can get a fucking break. i don’t know shit about my car. the fucking asshole who hit me won’t even give me his insurance shit. it looks like i’ll be alone on christmas because my uncle probably won’t be doing christmas eve. my aunt was completely wrong and i am in fact vastly and incredibly alone. i haven’t even had the chance to put up a christmas tree because it’s an incredible amount to do by myself and no one can come help me. the wreath on my front door? won’t stay up so there goes that i guess. at least i put down grave blankets. i feel like i’m the most irritating fucking person on the face of the earth. i wish with such incredible intensity i could just disappear but i have to go to work to a job that i can’t even take a week off from.
#ooc. o kaptain.#negativity /#[I’ve absolutely hit breaking point and I’m genuinely sorry to everyone. idk anymore. writing doesn’t make me feel better because I can’t#ever seem to do it consistently for a plethora of reasons. video games barely help. I love my job but at the end of the day I am just some#stranger to all these people and I go home. and I have no one here. by this point I’m just… existing day to day to day and I don’t even know#why anymore. and absolutely no one gives a real fuck when it comes down to it because I am just an insignificant part of their life. which#is no fault of anyone’s I’ve just been…. idk incredibly unlucky. I don’t know. I’m quiet unless I do replies I guess. it’s taking everything#in me not to just delete this but genuinely…. I feel so fucking empty and all I want to do is grieve but no one will let me.]
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Stealing this image from twitter and bringing it over here, because holy shit, some of the clowns I have been seeing talk about the game lately.
#Novice Network is a toxic waste pit right now#filled to the brim with returners who think they’re hot shit talking about ‘If Square really thought a cutscene was important they would hav#e put voice acting in it’ and other shit like that#‘I just skip all non voiced because the voiced cutscenes recap all that boring shit anyway”’#no they don’t???#Is THIS what a new Expac brings out?#because it’s genuinely dreadful#do you even enjoy the game at that point? Complain about fetch quests complain about the dialogue complain about the writing quality#why not just go play a game you like???#It’s getting to the point where I just have my chat log closed most of the time#not leaving NN because it WAS really nice during the post-Endwalker patch cycle#when mostly only people who actually liked the game (????) were still playing.#but the amount of toxic attitude returners I’ve seen in there lately is disheartening.#I hope it’ll come back down in the following weeks#once they’ve burnt through Dawntrail and decided the game doesn’t have anything for them#and they’ve sufficiently wasted their time#instead of just… taking it slow and taking in the world and the sights and the story……..#I’ve heard that Dawntrail is basically ARR 2. Which. big if true.#Because we could use that.#A return to form#with the new systems and developments in the game#bringing the story back down a little bit and reining it in#I am VERY excited to get there some day.#but I know that these people I’m bitching and moaning about aren’t thrilled#(honestly that just makes me like it more)#Anyway#point is#if you’re playing a game why the hell aren’t you engaging with said game?#What’s the point of skipping to the end as fast as possible only to get annoyed when there’s no more content?#This is exactly the problem that I’ve heard ex-WoW players complain about with regards to their player base
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Dum de dum dum
Gonna add max tags and max characters to each cause who cares
#the limit to the number of characters is 140 and I can’t use the same tag twice so this may take time. also I can’t add commas easily so sor#ry for the run on sentences. I doubt anyone will read all this. it’s gonna take a while to write. maybe I just keyboard smash. but that seem#s unoriginal or cheating. and I also wanna use chat gpt but that feels kinda lame? it’s frowned on so much and I don’t wanna be frowned on a#nd idk. I guess I care about what strangers on the internet care about more than myself. which I shouldn’t. I’ll be better tho. anyway i ams#going to be rambling a bit here. but I don’t care. probably no one will read this anyways. maybe I can try some constrained writing prompts.#what with only 140 characters. people usually write a lot of stuff and better under constraints. cause humans be weird sometimes. why on ear#th did I do this to myself???? maybe I will smash!!! agdkdgakfhs!!!! SHDOAGSKFHSJ!!!! bleaugholofomodowopoidk!!! weeepeedeepeedooooooo!! idk#this is boring. I’m only 8 tags in and I’m tired. who knows why I do these things. the mind is a mysterious place. who knows why we do wha w#e do. …. …. idk man. I was gonna say some more stuff about the mind and how weird it is. but I forgor ): now I feel a bit s#ad. but maybe I will remember before the end of this…. spaces make it easier so#spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaceeeeeeesssssss. lol#gonna copy paste 138 spaces in a row and copy paste. then add number at end to make each unique… then this would go so fast…. but is#that cheating? I mean I put these rules on myself. only I would really care if I broke them. but it feels wrong to#so maybe I’ll get this done naturally. with a whole bunch’s spaces to replace a comma. it’ll go so much faster. (:#tag 15. halfway there. goin faster than I thought it would. time flies or something ig. I have an idea#imma try to say all the copypastas I kinda know by memory cause who fucking cares: firstly first. I am gonna do the one about the fitnes#“the fitness gram pace test is a multilevel test that involves many things. like running and sit-ups and push ups and jumping jack eh idk#now for rick roll copypasta. not a real rickroll tho cause there is warning so it’s all cool. I think I’ll stop early like line six or I d k#you know the rules and so do I! a full commitment is what I’m looking for. you know the rules and I do too. never goin to give you up or let#you down or dessert you or anything like that. (I’m jokingly doing it wrong. I actually know them alr. cause been roled a bit.) gon stop now#I know just the starting quote kinda of bee movie. but non else. idk what to say. am tired. is late so idk. idk#this post is taking way to long. I’m on like the second day typing it out ):. I don’t know how much more I can take…. but I must per#servere!!! if I add spaces. then it’ll be done. much quicker. (:(:(: plus I can spam emoticons for fun. :3#:3:3:3:3:3:3:3. (:(:(:(: (;(; :/:/. -_- \: 0: [:<. :>]. =). $). ^_^. *_*. (: I love emoticons#~_~. :p :P. :D. d: :b. q: i-i. T-T. T_T. j-j. -w- uwu. owo. ö. ü. :B. :ß. :oo#:O. :1). QwQ. k: 8ooo>. (|). or i guess (:) might be more anatomically accurate. :+|. •_•. .-. ._. :7). :)#27 tag hereeeeee almost donnn eeeeee. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. heheh. fun. not actually to bad. this was kinda nice.#yayayayayya. we about finished. Twas a fun time. idk why i did this. ig it was kinda fun. noiceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee#words words words. just mostly nonsense. fun fun fun. idk idk din. ooooo. wwww. owowow. nyaaaaa. meow#3030303030!!! 30!!!! last one woot woot. fun’s. hope reading was fun. i liked typing it. so long and thanks for all the fish.(:
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REPORT START.
DATE: January 21, 2282
COURSER UNIT: Q3-31
Dr. [INSERT ACTING HEAD OF SRB HERE.],
Exploring the ruins of Las Vegas (currently called “New Vegas”) and the surrounding Mojave Desert, I was able to find evidence of the missing synth, V4-16. Included in this report is a medical file made on his behalf by the “Followers of the Apocalypse.” The doctor under his supervision, a man named Arcade Gannon, appears to have taken on a paternal role towards V4-16, and assumes he originated from a Vault due to his lack of scarring. V4-16 seems to have no recollection of his time in the Institute, and has amassed an impressive amount of power in the short time he has been away. For some reason, recalling does not seem to work - the recall component in his brain was either damaged, or removed. I was under immediate suspicion by Dr. Gannon during my attempt to reclaim him, and upon the reclamation not working, I was simply stared at, and asked, “What is wrong with you?” I retreated immediately and requested to be recalled back.
REPORT END.
Additional Notes: We’ll keep an eye on V4-16 for now. Having an influence as far as the Mojave, while we may be unable to directly control it, is still beneficial. Under no circumstances should Bela be made aware of V4-16’s survival - simply maintain the truth that it’s chip has been offline since October.
- Dr. Ayo
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Made a similar thing to this a while ago here, and wanted to make another version, with some additional context ;-)
And a bonus:

#my art#described#ids in alt text#fallout new vegas#courier six#courier valerio#arcade gannon#I keep wanting to bring up six bein intersex but that’s hard to do without feelin kinda clunky. so MEDICAL DOCUMENT. LOOK AT BEAUTIFUL BOY#also I get very classic queer vibes from Arcade which is why I used the word ‘transsexual’ rather than transgender. also cus I like it :)#he means it very respectfully! I also like the idea he tries to write down his patients pronouns with their info so that is included :-)#also might design Q3 sometime…. I have ideas for them………#literally just needed a throwaway courser unit but now I’m havin thoughts….#six likes to write all over arcade’s notes. he won’t write on top of them cus he doesn’t wanna actually mess them up-#-but he does draw little doodles of him and Arcade and writes little things for Arcade to find when he gets back to his notes~#arcade thinks it’s adorable and carefully preserves and writes around each instance to the best of his ability#anyway. ough I love them it’s been a hot second……..
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when i was a teenager my grandmother gave me dozens of skeins of yarn that i was absolutely thrilled to have but i was saving to be a better knitter and my mom threw them out before i ever got the chance (which is still to this day absolutely heart-breaking to me. like. round needles, all sorts of different types of yarn, every size needle imaginable, all gone) BUT today i was going through my grandmother’s probably three hundred sewing patterns and she’s absolutely thrilled that im at least attempting to have an interest. i am so enamored that she kept everything because truly nothing they make today is anywhere near as good and i just. ugh my grandmother has so much incredible stuff. i love that i get to share with her
#the knitting supplies thing was likely because I didn’t help my mom at all when we moved so like it was kinda my fault for being such a#spoiled and unhelpful child. so don’t judge her for giving the stuff away. just mourn with me all the nice supplies I will never have 😪#dont reblog#life of a boomerang#also I think I’ve been giving myself the wrong dose of medication but no where in my psychiatrist’s notes does it actually say a dosage#different than what I’ve been taking#so I’m like. are her notes lies or is my memory a lie?#cause I’m usually pretty responsible about this which is why I didn’t personally write anything down (idiot move)#but I literally cannot remember if I’m on 120 or 60 and I’ve only been taking 60 and I’ve felt absolutely awful like just goddamn awful#and I think it’s cause we finally got the dosage up to 120 like a week or two ago and i just accidentally packed my meds wrong#but the dosage information on the prescription says ‘60 once a day’#SO I DONT FUCKING KNOW#cause sometimes psychiatrists just don’t write it in correctly#but like that’s fucking dumb#GIVE ME THE CORRECT INSTRUCTIONS PLEASE#i need to just email her and ask but that’s embarassing
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Only I could come up with ideas for Johto or Unova remakes with postgame quests where you meet relatives of Clair or Caitlin who are looking for the Proto Beasts or Neo Swords and give you the option of Past Paradox counterparts of the Hoenn starters or Future Paradox counterparts of the Sinnoh starters (respectively)
#worst part is I haven’t come up with names for those relatives yet#and I’m reusing the names for the Paradox starters that I used for them in a plan for a fanfic idk if I’ll ever write#despite the fact that I can’t decide whether I actually want to go with the types I gave them then#or make them dual Fairy or Dark type (Fairy for Hoenn and Dark for Sinnoh)#and at least 2 but up to 4 would work better if they just had the type I gave them based on their 7-star raid boss counterparts#anyway I know it would be unlikely we’d get new Pokémon in a remake#(at least for Unova bc Johto might go down a similar route to LGPE)#but this was kinda under the assumption that we could get Johto and Unova remakes in Gen 10#leaving no room for a Legends game so we would otherwise have all our mid-Gen Pokémon be in Gaia#which feels unlikely given our current pattern plus I just really wanna come up with ideas for Johto and Unova remakes#also Miraidon has shifted off my suggested tags to tag my posts with and now it’s suggesting Iron Crown#Idk why it decided I use the Iron Crown tag more than the Gouging Fire Iron Boulder or Raging Bolt tags#presumably if I just alternate which DLC-exclusive Paradox Pokémon I talk about it could alternate that last tag#not mentioning Wake or Leaves because their tags are anyway in my top 4 (unsurprisingly only behind Pokémon Violet and Pokémon)#pokémon#johto#unova#gym leader clair#elite four caitlin#proto beasts#neo swords#Hoenn starters#Sinnoh starters
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the other really fun thing about listening to the first time readers talk about tog is that they love saying “this book is too predictable” and bookmarking that statement with multiple wildly incorrect (but admittedly VERY interesting) theories 😭
#no because…some of the theories were do involved even though i’m trying to write down the stuff they say#both the right and the wrong bc i want us to all look back and have a good laugh one day#i genuinely couldn’t transcribe them because there was too much to remember and put into text 😭#my favorite is that they think nox is SOOOOO EVIL HAHHHAHA#it makes me laugh because. no. he really is just some guy!#they are so suspicious of dorian too 😭 i have to bite my tongue so bad bc THAT IS MY SON?#and they love chaol (i was so worried about this but they formed the right opinion all on their own ❤️)#but they are kind of suspicious of him for SUCH funny reasons#like they don’t get why he’s so bad at his job (doesn’t keep that close of an eye on celaena - needs her help making ANY progress on the#murders - the king doesn’t seem to like him very much) and internally i’m like#Oh. actually this is not a secret plot he is just very well intentioned and VERY bad at being captain of the guard. rip chaol im so sorry 😭#mine#tog#my fav theory from today was that the king knows about the evil in the castle#and when they started i was like okay i see we are onto something….#and then they closed it out by saying he isn’t involved but he just knows which is why he left during the competition#and they think he’s a bad person for leaving his son and wife with the evil spirits 😭#so close but so far girls!#ALSO ALSO I FORGOT#they think the wyrdmarks are for cultish sacrifices and so when celaena found the circle of them under her bed#THEY ARE CONVINCED SOMEONE IS TRYING TO HUMAN SACRIFICE HER 😭😭😭#poor nehemia 😭#just remembered how many times she kept having to redo all her hard work with the wyrdmarks bc celaena would wash them away omg
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hey I don’t like being a smart gifted kid anymore. can I please be normal I’d much prefer that
#vents#I felt a lot more strongly about this like an hour ago but I sat around and watched hockey and played sudoku with my dad for a bit now I’m#Better 👍 still need to write this down though#anyways. I do not want to go to special classes. it’s not like I’m not being challenged by my regular ones?? Like they see my grades#it’s not like I’m acing every test.#This would also mean choosing classes to go towards university. that means choosing what I want to do when I’m older now#Which I don’t want to do#I want to be normal like my friends please#I want to be able to live my teenage years and not have to worry about all this#cause this would mean meticulously planning everything around a future career#and if I end up not liking it I would definitely feel too guilty about wasting years of my life and my parents money that got me there#I would go through with that career I hate because 1. I would not let myself change 2. My parents would not let me change#I just wish I could live my life as a fucking kid please#I don’t want to go my whole life never having a sleepover cause I went straight from being super sheltered to too academically focused#Shit I’m crying now#I’m also super indecisive and I DONT KNOW what I want to do. Law seems cool but that’s mostly because of my ace attorney obsession#I would also never personally want to be a real life lawyer. Too much pressure and also paperwork#Why can’t I just be a teenage weirdgirl assistant best friend forever. I’d love that as a career#anyways to brainstorm stuff. Something science could be one but really the only field that fascinates me is space and idk what I’d do there#I’m never being a doctor I don’t care how hard my parents push I’m not doing it ever#anyways I do genuinely think my parents think this is what’s best for me. And they could be right#But right now I hate it I hate it so much#I’ve never even implied I WANT to do this. At least my friend is doing this of her own accord. for me this is all my parents#Augh I wish I could be a normal teenager!! Please!!#I literally went to watch a movie alone with my friend for the first time last week and that’s only cause we didnt tell my mom we were alon#(She wasn’t really mad which I’m super thankful for)#Augh#I guess I am no longer ok#Time to push this to the depths of my mind and not think about it ever again (impossible I will think about it like every day because the#The thought is unavoidable)
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the world when you're with me

synopsis: you seek out sylus for comfort after realizing you were wrong about him.
tags: comfort, fluff, implied avoidant!reader learns to trust sylus, implied avoidant!reader clings to sylus, sylus takes care of reader from afar, sylus has mephisto and the twins follow reader but wbk pairing: sylus x reader, reader is mostly mc word count: 802
a/n: is this the peak of literature? no. did i need to write it after the day i had? yes. did i need to post it today? no, because i’m trying to stagger my posts more, but here we are. anyway 4k caleb pwp coming tomorrow

For the first few weeks after you’d infiltrated the N109 Zone, you’d avoided Sylus Qin like the plague.
After being scared out of your wits by the first version of him you'd met—the cold, unavailable criminal mastermind who’d forced you to shoot him within 5 minutes of knowing one other—you were unashamedly wary of working with him again.
But Sylus’s intel was unrivaled. More and more often, you found yourself visiting the N109 Zone to meet with him, eventually not even bothering to book a place to stay. There was always a guest room at the Onychinus base prepped for your arrival.
As you spent more time with Sylus, he’d noticeably changed his approach to interacting with you. Rather than forcing you to resonate with him, he’d explained to you how his Evol worked, letting you aim his hands at some training dummies to test it out yourself. Instead of unceremoniously shutting you out when he was tired, he’d drag his robe-and-slippers-clad self to sit beside you on the sofa, answering your cautious questions by practically giving away all his secrets.
His shift in attitude hadn't stopped there. Sylus had clearly been using that endearingly incorrigible crow to keep tabs on you, but for the strangest reasons.
Whenever you had a bad day at work, some building-wide maintenance emergency would magically appear, forcing your team to cease operations for the rest of the day. He’d text you a couple hours after your early dismissal, saying he was in the city and inviting you on an evening joyride to clear your head.
The day after you’d lugged a case of water up the stairs to your apartment, having to pause a couple times to catch your breath, you came home to see your fridge mysteriously stocked with groceries. The only traces left behind were the masked twin figures you spotted scurrying away from your window.
When a new phone showed up at your doorstep one day—you never even told him you’d shattered your screen, you thought—you’d decided that Sylus wasn’t as bad as you’d once assumed. Not anywhere near as bad, in fact. He was thoughtful, generous, and helped you without taking credit or forcing you to ask for it. You’d never had that before.
Which is why, somehow, you find yourself standing in the doorway of his armory, studying him silently as he polishes an antique-looking gun.
When he notices you, Sylus looks up, raising a delicately arched eyebrow. “Something wrong, kitten?” he drawls, subtly checking your body for injuries.
Mind numb from your absolutely dreadful day, you stay silent while Sylus looks at you expectantly, his hands forgetting their earlier task.
But for the next minute, you remain hovering in the doorway. You expect him to get annoyed—you almost want him to, so you have an excuse to go back to relying only on yourself—but all you see on Sylus’s face is patience.
When you start shuffling toward him, that patience mixes with a glimmer of anticipation that he visibly tries to suppress. You need him to be calm right now—an anchor, he thinks. If he loses his composure, if he startles you with his excitement at your approach, you might bolt at any moment.
Sometime during his inner struggle, you reach him. Meekly, you stand before his chair, briefly opening your mouth before closing it.
“What is it, sweetie?” he asks softly. “Tell me, and we can figure it out together. I’ll personally track down whoever seems to have stolen your words from you.”
At his offer, you break, collapsing into his lap. His large, warm hands immediately encircle your waist, and you bury your face into his neck, inhaling his leather and spice cologne.
“Aw,” he coos in his baritone voice, rocking you slowly in his embrace. When he lifts your head an inch, you resist, letting out a soft whine. Gently, he guides your head back to his chest, his quickening heartbeat thumping in your ears and grounding you in the the moment.
After several moments of silence, your deep, shuddering breaths the only interruptions, Sylus murmurs into your ear. “When I noticed you never ask for help, I was worried the world may not be treating as well as it should. You must be very tired, hmm?” he asks, rubbing his chin against your hair.
Tightening your arms around him, you sit there for a while, his steady breaths seeming to mend a decades-long rift in your heart.
The next time Sylus tries to lift your head, you let him. He pulls your face from his neck so he can look into your eyes, hoping his gaze conveys his sincerity, before pressing a tender kiss to your forehead.
“You don’t need the world when you’re with me,” he promises. “I’ll treat you better than it ever could.”
#iris writes#love and deepspace#love and deepspace x reader#sylus x reader#love and deepspace sylus#lads#lads x reader#love and deepspace comfort#love and deepspace fluff#lnds#sylus qin#lads fluff#lads comfort#lads sylus#lnds sylus
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