#which is the reason i havent been working
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seafood trio portraits !
+ some alts. with spoilers !
#this is how they look after the 3yr jump 👍#pretty proud that i managed to capture how i usually imagine them :0 ! been in an art slump so this was a pleasant surprise#idk if ill b able to draw them consistently tho . so these designs r for my brain only#might try to color these but i havent eaten lunch yet so thats a problem for another day#solar-drawss#my art#han sooyoung#kim dokja#yoo joonghyuk#yhk#yoohankim#orv#orv spoilers#omniscient reader's viewpoint#omnicient reader's view point#cackling at how miserable sp and 63hsy look compared to kdj in the middle#her whimsy … shes living her best life rn#……i lied i think i just gave him My face straight up jfc . get that off of u asshole#anyways if u didnt already notice ! yoohan have matching eyebrow scars 🫶#kdj has one on his nose in that first one#the second kdj has cracks all over her which i forgot to add is inspired by hehearse’s works !!#the reason why they dont show up in the first one is bc aileen covered it up before he went to 1863#like . hoseki no kuni style ✌️#fun fact i sketched that hsy the night before her birthday skfjsjf had to give up bc it was too late tho#so now im repurposing it for this#NO WAIT I SHOULD JUST GO BACK AND GIVE HSY A CLEFT LIP …. dam lost opportunity. well whoevers reading this just kno she has one now
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aug - early sep log
#kind of proud bc im slowly getting used to sketching#well not really but i got a lot quicker which was really nice as ive been so busy...i missed drawing them#for some reason people have been coming up to me to tell me their ideas WAY more than ive had it so lets make it a regular thing...#guys...straight up i WILL go insane with u. its how people make friends here anyways so go for it#im insanely tired with work so who knows...what if i drew your r27 fantasies too#OH speaking of i still have some asks i havent drawn 😭 one about r27 that ive been rereading (since its from a fic) but its SO GOOD#im so sorry if u see this youre the only one that sent a fic btw. i love you your work is amazing#katekyo hitman reborn#r27#sawada tsunayoshi#reborn
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been thinking about for a long time how i really missing doing creative projects with others but at the same time its always blown up in my face so i think im not going to do it anymore
#its great when it works but when it doesnt (always for me) it just sucks real bad and at this point i think id just rather do my own thing#thunderclap#on the flipside i miss discussing oc stuff with friends but i havent been able to do that for a long time for various reasons#esp. just bouncing ideas off of each other which is how i used to do worldbuilding or at least getting some feedback and i think thats#why recently i have stagnated so so so much in terms of worldbuilding i dont really have anything going on with anyone#art is a collaborative between you and the world but what do you do when no one around you really cares?#i know venting about it on my blog wont fix it by any means but its my god given right to complain about it <3
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In the wake of the IA situation, I've seen a lot more posts circulating about using your local library and I just. Sigh
#i dont know whether these people are thinking of Big City libraries#or their local is the most well stocked most accommodating library known to man#but my library consists of mostly kids books and ww2 skinned romance lites and james patterson thrillers#if youre lucky theres some pop history books on the tiny shelf in the back#oh also the opening times? 0930 to 1700 of course. yknow. when most ppl are at work :)#oh except sunday. when were just closed ;)#trying to get the library to bring in a specific book? sorry that'll be nine months and we'll send it to the library#in booksbury-upon-tyne which will cost you a £30 round train ticket (if the trains are running ;)) and a three hour journey#(cause were swr and life is a fucking nightmare)#im not doing that for a book im not even sure will be relevant to what im looking for yknow#i guess what im saying is that while i love the concept of libraries#they havent really evolved with the times. theyve been what theyve been for a millenia#and the intellectual value they were built to provide hasnt kept up with the funds theyre actually allocated#now i will say these are kinda complaints specific to me cause im not the biggest fiction reader#and if i am theyre mainly classics so my gripe is more with the proviso of non fiction books#and the variety of them which is incredibly narrow#and i dont drive so the intersection of this with the hellscape that is south englands public transport network also sucks dick and balls#like i realise the library provides a lot of necessary resources for older people and kids and those without internet access etc.#but that does leave a large swathe of people with little to no reason or time to visit the library yknow.#i dont blame the library workers of course but i also dont think its the visitors (customers?) fault#that there isnt a great incentive for them to visit#especially since i have found most of my fave nonfiction books in second hand stores#which would have either cost £80 new or would have been locked ina university library out of reach of the common folk#whatever. ramble ramble yada yada. ev complains again whats new
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#one piece#sanji#black leg sanji#everysanji#punk hazard#ch673#wawa... finished the 18trip mainstory (besides ev3ns side b theres a reason i havent read it yet but#also who knows by the time you see this maybe i will have bc aurora will be working on the tl again)#and augh.... guys go read 18trip go do it#its so.#18trip and mahoyaku are clocking in for my top 3 interests along with enstars#which is. still going strong at 2 years#also tomorrow (11/27) at work i get to learn how to make sushi :3#so that'll be fun surely#i'm excited anyway its smth different from what i've been doing
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today is a day to lay in the middle of the floor and use my phone to pretend there is nothing wrong or scary going on in my brain
#wordvomit#i hate#i feel like i might have a seizure#vs#I Feel Like I'm Going To Have A Seizure#when u communicate the first people always assume the second is the same#theyre different feelings and im not photosensitive i have seizures for Various reasons#a lot of which r stress/internal related#ove barely slept the last few days and i havent been able tk force myself to eat how hard i try#im supposed to work but i dont feel like im safe to take a shower so i definitely dnot feel safe to bike and work for a few hours
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i had a good time with my friend this past week but God i cannot wait to see my other friends. i miss them i feel crazzzyy!!!
#literally i havent not gone this long without calling teej at the end of the night for so long in. Well forever atp.#at least wr got a short call in the other day. and i got to eatch with henri tonight. EVEN IF IT WAS FOR DOCCHI MO DOCCHI#i didnt have work rother all week which has been stressing me out but. for some reason my one coworker kept adding me to calls with him#and our other coworker and it was really nice to still have a few minutes with them. i love them. i miss them.#its been fun. i need to have my routine back. and i need to have time for everyone else.#im a simple man. i MISS them. smiling.#news with isaac
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7 11 19 for rose :]
THE. THIS THANG.... 💥
7) What is an aspect of their appearance that you like the most?
honestly ithink i gotta give this to the eyes aswell.. i Do have a Red Eyes bias but theres smthn else i dont really know how to pinpoint. idk how well i Execute it in practice but she very much does just have a Look to her ithink. also the glasses are really fun.. im like. pretty sure i just kinda made her lenses pink for funsies (bc i didnt like any of the clear-glass tones i was trying when solidifying her palette,) but then i remembered th. rose-tinted glasses. insufferable. (<- likes her very much)
11) Is there any existing character from other media that your character resembles? Was the resemblance intentional or was it a coincidence?
well . idk about designwise, but in terms of vibe and or energy she sure does . have Three Other Roses on her list Entirely Unintentionally JHSBFJDHBG;; those being lalonde, quartz, and wonderedlab.. how much these Actually apply is up in the air due to my variable understanding of Character but i sure have had several moments of having to stop and rewrite some notes bc Ah Fuck Not Again. cathy is on that list too ithink, which is. also. really funny, Considering . (also worth noting some of these may have been from before she started showing key parts of her personality so it goes double there ithink, i shrimply think its funny its happened Thrice <33)
also coincidental, but th one i come back to most is actually shinobu demonsslayer. on account of the 'small and honestly kind of negligible and Deeply Deeply Resentful of it' and the 'very intentional with their presentation despite (or honestly because of) the constant silent spite running their every action' and the 'theyre literally nice but given the opportunity They Will Make This Hurt As Much As Fucking Possible For Everyone Involved'. also theyre both ourple ^w^
19) What is your general favourite thing about the character? What is your least favourite?
honestly.. i really like her intensity. she feels things very strongly (despite thinking and/or willing herself not to,) and shes very very prone to making sudden snap decisions based on impulse desires. and then convincing herself thats not what shes doing. for a character thats so intent on introspection in the way she is you really wouldnt think shed do it so often, And Yet .
This Also Happens To Be My Least Favorite Thing About Her <3 in a kinda jokey way, but also she is Deeply hypocritical in a way that makes her really difficult to understand, which is a problem when Youre The One Writing Her JHSBHDBJG;; like i know she does something. but i wont know Why. just that she Does, and somehow she thinks this is a good idea because..... ?????? ok girl.
shes also impossible to talk about without having to spend like 15 minutes silently sitting there with my head in my hands so i guess thats a bit of a hurdle too maybe,
#she is deeply entertaining but also God Is She Fucking Difficult To Work With . i love her so much. i cant stand her <33#pikocs#pikasks#honestly i think her impulsivity actually rises with time. she gets more and more tired of just sitting around; until.#convincing herself shes not doing something incredibly stupid because Fuck dude shes allowed One Thing. she Has to be.#just completely overrules anything else. and then she'll start using that thought she Should be using to Not Be Doing That#...in order to further justify and build a narrative supporting what she Wants.#which. the. girl. girl come on. the allegations. the Only reason youre 'better' is that you havent been given a reason to lose it yet.#but god is she reaching for one dhbgjfg#anyway yaaaaaayyy playing and frolicking yay!!! ^w^#SIGHSSSS. thinking about the 'you shouldnt be what theyre trying to make you into; you deserve better than that'#immediately followed by her slowly becoming more and more reckless in direct defiance of the way she learned to act#. which ends up being the exact thing to fuck her over completely. trying so hard to symbolize something good but-#-just making everything that much harder completely unintentionally. trying to be that because its all she knows.#trying to both embody And reject what shes supposed to be. no fucking wonder. god i cant stand her
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You’re welcome to explain your answer in the tags!
#julie and the phantoms#jatp#jatppolls#dont ask me why the number categories are like this!!! there is no rhyme or reason to them!!!#been thinking bout this for awhile now. cause it didnt occur to me that I havent watched it since i netflix party’d it with Rosie in Sept#2021… which has been… a very long time. considering in 2020 after it came out i probably watched it over 100 times in full.#there’s just something that stops me from clicking play on the show and i cant put it into words. its just this feeling i get every time my#mouse or finger hovers over the show. i also got rid of netflix this past year too but that was quite recent and i do have a copy of it on#my ipad sksjsj idk#guess im just curious if anyon else is in this weird limbo. dont get me wrong. i am still enamoured by this show but rewatching it is just#smthg i havent done in a hot minute. maybe i should make Rosie do another netflix party with me 👀#i feel like if i was more active in a discord or on tumblr i wouldve tried to watch it with mutuals but alas i am incapable of having free#time outside of work and life.#once again i am shocked that the answers are centred in the bubbles before u click on them and it bothers me?!?#alt option: i have rewatched the show aolely through gifsets 😌#sunset queue#<- queuing this for some reason. idk what the reason is.
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can we catch a break. can we catch a fucking break.
#gonna be real with you i really havent been doing well and i keep trying to just force myself through it and ignore it but oof man#therapists arent kidding when they say you cant do this forever which personally i think is evil and fucked up and unfair#the only reason i havent crashed yet is bc i have literally no safety net to get me back up lmao like if i crash now ill crash hard and#idk. idkkkk i dont have the stability in this country to afford fucking up my job situation.#and strangers on the internet give more shits about me than those closest to me lmao which uhhhh yeah that stings i wont lie#the most someone cares is a 'hope you feel better soon!' and thats from people who dont even know me LMAO#anyways anyways whatever. its whatever.#ive felt like absolute dog shit for a month and my dad left a day early bc the weather sucked and there was nothing more to do here and i#just feel like extra crap bc i know im the one that moved away and i cant blame him bc he also came a day early so really its a plus minus#zero situation but saying goodbye still always fucking sucks and now i feel extra awful#whatever i just need to complain somewhere and be whiny for a bit and ill be back to work tomorrow its whatever
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I was just listening to a song I used to love while we were friends. I listened to it so often, we talked so often, it became the background music to our relationship.
I'm listening to it while I knit. I often forget that I started knitting because of you. I remembered tonight. It's strange, I never knitted anything for you. I've knitted for other loved ones, rarely for myself, but never for you. I remembered you showing me the amazing things you made, and I wished I could get to that level of skill. But at that time, you had to explain to me how to purl because I couldn't get it.
Everything reminds me of you in a terrible way. Everything I do is an echo of you. I started painting so that I could paint for you. I started knitting to bond with you. I hear your voice in the music I listen to. You're haunting the things that I love. Will I ever make a brush stroke or stitch without you on my mind?
#i should be able to block all music i listened to on Spotify from 2018-2020. i was not doing well and i dont need the reminders pls#im fine this was just kinda reflective#so much of what i do was inspired by her. i havent spoken to her in three years. we havent been friends for five#but my first painting was a gift to her. i started knitting because she knitted. i got so much music from her#we bonded heavily over music. and i used it to cope after she left. so unfortunately shes mixed into so much of it#she got me into dnd which got me into a different ttrpg im playing now (unknown armies)#shes a big reason i applied to the summer camp i worked at for six years#and a big reason i took the position i had the last two years. and the reason i told our camp legend (long story)#she was in my christmas in july gift i gave and received this year#i dont think ill ever be able to forget her. on good nights thats a good thing. its reassuring. she'll always be with me#but on bad nights. i feel like im never going to stop missing her#i was knitting tonight while listening to music. as the post suggests. and i was just overcome with her#this is the bed i was in when she called and left me. this is the bedroom we used to video call to practice sign language in#oh theres another one. i was going to be an asl interpreter. years ago in another life. i always practiced with her#we're both autistic and asl is easier than speaking a lot of the time#fuck. it reminds me of the ship of theseus. its 2:30am so i wont be able to explain well but#no actually i tried and i cannot explain. youll just have to understand. some days i wish i ciuld replace all the parts that were her#and sometimes im so afraid to lose the parts that were her because thatll feel like losing her#if i ever consciously decided to stop knitting (which i may have to do soon) it will feel like im replacing a board that was hers#how many of my boards are hers? are any of hers mine anymore? how many of hers can i lose before shes gone?#that last one was asked with fear and hope. and fear. depending on the day#god im tired. goodnight
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im sick
#ok you have to trust me this is not about anything /gen.#i just. could not make her face work in my first sketch so i gave up =w=bb#and then i couldnt be bothered to shade her body so. glitch.#also do you like the background. its been my ipad wallpaper for like two years.#i like clouds as wallpaper theyre so perfect =w=bbb#sillyposting#my work#do you think were deep enough in the tags to talk about it?#anyway i dont like talking about it but it is nice that theyre there.#somehow this turned into a neutral/sad drawing bc i couldnt fucking do her face justice and so.#also yes the reason were naked is bc i didnt want to do clothes. which has lead us to our current situation.#ig im glad some parts of my body werent visible bc thatd be worse.#also bc i dont fucking want to draw my fishy or teeth tats. =w=b#anyway anyway i realized after making this that i have two other significant scars that i didnt do.#OH SHIT actually i forgot about more of my significant scars.#ig something about being on the lower arms and getting used to them makes you forget. which is nice#anyway anyway anyway yeagh i havent had top surgery yet but fuck me if i cant give it to my sona.#also im not yet dead set on starnipples but i do like the idea =w=bb#aughh as soon as my mom realizes i already have tattoos and i feel comfortable getting them on 'visible' places ill get stars on my knees.#grr i still feel so awkward even talking about tattoos bc. somehow theyre still tabboo to me??? idk why.#maybe theyre still too personal to me bc :/ despite a few friends (2) having seen my fishy.....#waugh#ok.#its nice to have a sona =w=b i like my scars but it is still hard to be proud of them bc. reasons duh#also yes those were an attempt at diy surgery. no not a serious one but yes about the frustration of it all. its somewhat reassuring.#ok no more nitpicking or thoughts about things ive gotta eat lessgoo#o7
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me: hey, i feel like someone's standing on my chest, and walking rn is making me winded
my mom:
#boink#to clarify this is an ittyyy edited excerpt of a longer interaction in which my mom is at least a litttttle less weird lol#i just thought that text was funny#weve both been busy at work so i havent really communicated very well what's going on#but still it feels just a little silly#like hey im super out of breath for no reason#hm. what did you have for lunch? cream of wheat? sounds wrong.#lol#ofc ofc i understand that's not exactly what she means#god im doing a lot of clarifying for absolutely no one lol#trust my mom is v understanding and i do understand that diet is important for being healthy lol#it's just all a lil silly
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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
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my unpopular(?) music opinion is that being a skilled, professional singer isn't just about being loud and belting out a few high notes
#like yes it's impressive when u can do that#but if u don't also nurture other singing skills like harmonizing or do that little trill thingy#or know ur range#then ur not rly that talented#music#vocals#there are certain kpop groups i generally *like* but dont love bcos of this#like ya some of their songs are good but theyre basically just singing loud and throwing in a high note#after a while u just kinda hurt my ears yknow#i will not say which group im explicitly talking about here#but it is the main reason i havent been able to enjoy their whole discography#that style works really well for a few singles but delving into the bsides and finding theyre all sort of the same style is exhausting
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I have a legal question but idk who to ask so I'm posing it to the general public:
Its illegal to clock out and continue working right? If something like that were to be reported, would the employer or the employees get in trouble for it?
#p#for the record it was because we're so understaffed that there were only 2 ppl here last night doing truck#so they both didnt take a lunch and stayed over an hour past when our shifts are supposed to end#I can see the employees getting in trouble for doing that but our manager really doesn't give us a choice in situations like that#hr knows about it and condones it. hes encouraged it to me before#i havent done this bc im not interested in breaking the law for this place tbh he can just fire me atp#but the guys have practically been forced to multiple times#anf again. manager has encouraged this behavior and forced the guys to work sometimes almost 3 + extra hours#which would make for a 13 hr shift#i thimk the only reason he hasnt done this while I'm present is bc he caught wind that if i can get evidence for some of his behavior#i will report him#lmfao#but ya idk. just wondering.
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