#which is the longest we’ve gone without talking in four years

[ctommyisnt]

The reason I’ve been using tumblr so much is because my other half has stopped talking to me. I just wonder how long I’ll be ignored before I give up. I think it would talk at least three months

[yourcooladdiction]

i didn’t have a back-up plan | bucky barnes

summary: reader x bucky break-up but nothing one of tony’s infamous galas can’t fix ;)

pairings: bucky barnes x female reader

warnings: 18+ only pls!! (smut, unprotected sex, public sex), angsty, little bit of fluff, jealous bucky, cuss words

You’re sitting at the kitchen table with your head cradled in both of your hands. Your cheeks are stained from the hour's worth of tears and for a second you are so glad you didn’t put on any mascara this morning. You hear the screeching sound of a chair pulling out across from you and you refuse to look up. You’ve been going at it for hours now.

He just got back from a three-month-long mission, and everything had been fine until he told you how long he was going to be gone this time. You couldn’t do another three, four, maybe even five months without seeing him. You’ve been together for almost two years, yet it seems like you’ve only physically been with him for maybe 4-5 months. You didn’t expect much from this relationship. You knew when you met him it was going to be hard, and if you’re being honest, you didn’t think it was going to last this long…but there was something about him you couldn’t get over. You fell for him hard and now you are dealing with the consequences. You weren’t accustomed to his lifestyle, and you knew you’d never adapt to it. Being an Avenger isn’t something you just sign up for and it’s certainly not for everyone. He didn’t force the lifestyle upon you, he never forced you to Tony’s lavish parties even though he wanted you to but he knew you’d be too uncomfortable. He loved you. You knew that. You loved him. He knew that. But you knew he deserved more, someone like him, and you deserved someone more like you, with nothing too special about them.

“You want to yell at me some more?” You ask.

“Doll...” His tone is cold and emotionless. You know where this is going. You both have known where this is going.

“Do you think we need to break up?” the words escape his lips, and you finally glance up at him.

“If that’s what you want.” You state.

His shocked response is not what you were expecting.

“What do you want? Do you want this to work? Do you love me?” His tone now filled with sincerity. Where the fuck has this been the past two hours you think to yourself. You could’ve sworn you were taking the words out of his mouth, you wanted to beat him to it. But his puzzled look is telling you otherwise, telling you he doesn’t want this at all.

“Bucky, we haven’t been doing well for so long. It’s just... it’s just not working. Our lives do not mesh together anymore. You are all over the place and I can’t drop everything when convenient for you.” You explain your decision and he sits back in his chair.

“I’ve never once expected you to ‘drop your life for me.’ Jesus fucking Christ.” His tone back to irritated. There he is. There’s the Bucky that you’ve been dealing with for the past few hours and the past few months.

“We fight all the fucking time! That’s all we’ve done for months! When you’re gone it’s over the phone or in text, when you’re here it’s in person. Nothing has changed. Nothing helps. It’s not fucking working.” Your voice cracks and his eyes begin to water.

“I... I love you, I don’t want this to end. We can work on this. I can work on this. I can tell Sam I need a break and take some time off.” He attempts to save himself and you shake your head.

“Buck – I love you but I’m holding you back. You need to be with someone who understands your world and I- I’m just not that person.” You try to fight back the stream of tears and he drops his head in defeat.

He attempts to save himself one more time as his mouth opens but nothing comes out. You stare deeply into his piercing eyes. Trying to memorize his face. Trying to memorize him.

He stands up from the table and stops beside you. He reaches down and squeezes your hand. You squeeze back and glance up at him one last time. His eyes fill with tears once more and he takes off to the door. You sit there and force yourself to stare at the now empty seat across from you. You hear the door shut and the floodgates of emotions hits. You sit there for the longest time. Tears and tears flow down your face. Your heart has found a new home in the pit of your stomach. Your eyes eventually dry up and you know that this was the right decision. It was never going to work…

You are pulled out of your poorly timed reminiscing when your date reaches out and grabs ahold of your hand,

“Ready babe?” He asks.  

You force a smile and step out of the car.

You find it oh so incredibly ironic that your work is co-hosting one of Tony’s infamous charity galas. After you and Bucky broke up you landed a big-time PR job which involved working the one and only…avengers. You haven’t seen Bucky since the breakup but he had to know that you were practically working for the team by now. You had wondered how long you two could avoid each other, it was bound to happen eventually.

Nevertheless, 8 months post break up...here you are. The guy you’ve been seeing, a stockbroker on Wall Street was more than eager to be your date to this event. He wouldn’t shut up about the networking opportunity, and a chance to “meet the avengers.” Eyeroll.

You, on the other hand, didn’t want to go. You’ve been staring at the guestlist for weeks, well, you’ve been staring at one particular name on the guestlist for weeks. You’ve been racking your brain on why he would come to this event. He usually never goes to these stupid gala events, but yet he is attending a random gala…that you are in charge of…come on. You also find it convenient that he had a plus one beside his name. Of course, he does. He’s Bucky Barnes, why wouldn’t he have a date.

You and your date walk the imitation red carpet that’s laid out. You are the chair of this event so you have to pose for pictures and stop for questions. You hated this part of your job, you just wanted to be behind the scenes but unfortunately, people love you and your work, so they want to know all about you at all times.

You make it through the interviews and pull your date inside. He is enjoying this publicity a little too much. You find some co-workers/friends and push him off on them, and quickly head to the bar to get the strongest drink possible.

You order a dry martini with extra gin and take a sip.

“Some things don’t change, hm doll?”  

You stand there frozen. The accent. The beautiful Brooklyn accent that you miss every fucking day. Those six words send chills down your back. The way “doll” flowed off his lips. This fucker. You take a deep breath and pray your makeup has remained in tack and your hair looks good from behind.

You slowly turn around and are met with those deep blue eyes. His hair was much shorter than the last time you saw him, but still so damn handsome. The scruff along his chin almost makes you drool because you miss the feeling of it against your skin. Your eyes make their way back up to him and he is smiling.

“Hi,” he says.

“Hi.” You say back.

“You look...fantastic,” he smirks.

You bought this dress specifically for tonight. For this moment. You got it in his favorite color because you wanted him to see you and admit you looked good. You give yourself an internal high five before responding to him.

“Thank you, so do you.” You gesture at his tux. One of your favorite looks on him.

“I-uh-I hope that it’s not weird that I am here,” he says as he takes a step into you.

“Oh, no. Not at all. I am glad you’re here.”

You quickly realize what you said and try to recover,

“SO you can take part in the donations! The more avengers the merrier!” You laugh nervously  

You idiot.

He chuckles at you and shakes his head.

“Is there somewhere more private we can talk?” He asks.

“Uh-I shouldn’t. I have to-“

“Oh right, yes, of course, you’re working. Well, maybe we can meet up before the night is over? I would love to catch up,” his voice is almost a whisper as he is only a few centimes from you. You can smell his unique scent. You used to joke that if he could bottle it up and sell it he wouldn’t have to run off and save the world every other day.

“Yeah, mhm, enjoy your night!” You respond and walk off.

An hour or so passes as you get caught talking to other donors before you can make your way back to your date. He is completely sloshed and making a fool of himself. Great. You call him an Uber and tell him he has to leave. He doesn’t take this very well and begins yelling at you. You and a few co-workers manage to get him outside as you wait for the Uber but he continues yelling at you.

“You’re just a fucking bitch! Get over your fucking metal-arm freak of an ex and you will be happy! I could make you so happy!” He says as he points a finger in your face.

Before you can respond a man quickly jumps in between the two of you and slams him into a wall

“Call her a bitch again and I will kill you, yeah?”

Your date's eyes go wide, and he runs off to the Uber as it pulls up.

“Bucky, what in the absolute fuck is wrong with you?” You yell and he chuckles.

“Really? I just helped you with that fucking asshole and you want to yell at me?”

Without thinking you take ahold of Bucky’s hand and pull him inside and off to a side room. You slam the door behind them both of you and he takes a few steps inside before turning around to face you. You cross your arms along your chest and tell yourself to be calm, give him a chance to explain himself, but as he opens his mouth you cut him off.

“What the fuck are you doing here, James?” You question

A smile splays across his face as you use his first name. He takes a few steps towards you, attempting to close the gap. You slowly take a step or two back still allowing the distance between the two of you. He smirks as he realizes what you’re doing.  

“Well doll, if you must know. I needed to see you He says. His accent was thicker than before, which is a clear indicator he’s been enjoying the open bar or some Asgardian liquor or both.

“What about your plus one? Where is she, hm?” You question.

“You mean Sam? Yeah, I’m sure he’s having a great time in there.” He chuckles.

Of fucking course it’s Sam.

“Why was Sam not on the – oh forget it, we aren’t together anymore Buck, you don’t get to just show up and call me doll and pretend that everything is normal.” You sigh.

“Why not?” He asks playfully.

“We broke up, Bucky.” You sigh once more.

“Yeah and?”  

“And!? And YOU walked away” You scoff

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me, doll?” His voice irritated.

“No, I’m not fucking kidding ‘you.” You tilt your head and mock his accent. His eyes narrow and the muscles in his jaw clench. You forgot how fucking sexy he is when he’s mad.

You two stare at each other for a few seconds as if you’re having a contest. Your emotions begin to overwhelm you and you feel the tears swelling in your eyes. You look down in defeat and you hear him let out a small sigh.

“Love.” His voice cracks. Fuck. You can’t hold the tears back any longer and you feel them fall down your cheek. You look back up at him and his eyes are bloodshot too.

“I fucked up, doll.” He mutters.  

“Yeah. You did.”  

“I know I did! I know! I should have stayed and fought for you. I know that now. I am sorry. But I’m here now. I’ve been working on this little plan for weeks now, to see you and –“

“No! No, no. You can’t do this. You don’t get to do this.” You interrupt, you wipe a tear away, and turn around to leave.

“It wasn't just me, doll! What about you, huh? You couldn’t adjust to my lifestyle yet you’ve been parading around all the other avengers for the past 8 months. Helping Tony with these bullshit galas!” He challenges.

You spin around and narrow your gaze at him.

“It’s my job.” You defend yourself.

“Yeah? I was your fucking boyfriend, not a lot of effort given there though?”

“Oh, fuck you, Bucky. Fuck. You.” You ridicule.

You both stare at each other down. Waiting for the next one to say something. You are soon questioning why you were so excited to see him tonight. Why you picked out this specific dress. Why you enjoyed it when he defended you against your douchebag date. You feel another tear fall and you quickly wipe it away.

“I should’ve tried harder. I’m sorry. I couldn’t handle the distance and I gave up on us too easily because I was scared and I’m sorry.” You finally confess.  

He stares at you. Contemplating what you just said. His jaw is still clenched, and both of his hands are stuffed into his pockets. The silence is almost deafening, and you turn to leave as your heart can’t take this anymore. 8 months later and you’re still not over him. You’ll never be over him.

Bucky grabs your hand as you begin to turn and spins you back around to face him.  

“Doll, I miss you. God, I fucking miss you.” He croaks.

Before you can speak his lips crash against yours. He quickly has you pushed against the wall as he deepens the kiss. You moan as you feel his tongue enter into your mouth. You wrap your hands in his brown locks and attempt to pull him further into you. He slides a leg in between yours and you moan as he grazes your sweet spot.

“Buck, we’re in public-“ you let out a raspy moan.

“I need you, please.” He groans.  

And with that, you’re gone. You give in to whatever he wants. He slips off the straps of your dress and you step out of it, he takes you in as if it was the very first time seeing you. You attempt to cover yourself up, you haven’t been this exposed since the last time you were together.

“Don’t,” he demands.  

He lifts your chin with his finger and places the sweetest kiss on your lips.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispers.

“Buck, I haven’t- I haven’t been with anyone else.” You admit.

“Me either, baby. I couldn’t bring myself to think about anyone but you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. Let me show you how much I've missed you."

This time the tears swelling in your eyes were happy ones. He smiles as he finally renders you speechless. He wipes the tear away and kisses you once more. The kiss goes back to heated and passionate. You reach for his belt buckle, and he groans as your hands brush up against his erect member. He pulls his bow tie off and quickly unbuttons his shirt. He slips off his pants and underwear and once again has you pushed against the door. He begins kissing down your neck as he slips off your bra. He hooks a finger into your underwear, and you moan as his hands slide down your thighs.

“You ready?” He asks

All you can do is nod as the sight of him is enough to make you come.

He hoists you up against the door and you wrap your legs around him as he slips himself inside of you.

“Fuck, baby girl.” He groans.

“Buck – Jesus.” You cry out as he fills you up. He stills as he thinks he hurts you and pulls away to check on you,  

“Move, please.” You giggle and he nuzzles his head into your neck and begins peppering kisses along your collarbone.

He thrusts himself in and out of you at an unrelenting pace. Anyone else would probably be embarrassed with how quickly you’re about to fall apart but you don’t care. You’ve missed this touch for months. You’ve craved it for months. You knew you needed him again. You just needed to realize it.

“Y-you close baby? I’m so close. Fuck.” He moans.

You attempt to speak but all that comes out is a loud moan of his name. He smiles at how easily you fall apart for him. He’s always loved this effect he’s had on you. Even though you held your own, there was something about Bucky that made you putty in his hands. He knew he had to get that feeling back. He knew the second he walked out he wanted to come back. He almost did. He stood outside your door for the longest time but couldn’t bring himself to knock. He knew you’d come back to him. He knew he’d find you again and you two couldn’t help but get back together. You were meant to be.

“Fuck, I’m-“ is all you get out as your orgasm takes over.

“That’s it, doll. Let go. Fuck. I love you. I love you so much.” He praises you as you clench around his cock.

Your head spins as you see stars. With a few more sloppy thrusts, Bucky is moaning your name as he lets go inside of you. He slowly places you back down on the ground and kisses you all over.  

“Are you okay?” He asks.

“I love you.” You say as you lean up to steal a kiss.  

He smirks against your lips and wraps his arms around your waist. You two stand there in each other’s embrace.  

“Can we make this work? Can you be mine again?” He whispers  

“Yes.” You smile.

“Good, I didn’t have a backup plan if you said no.” He smirks and you laugh.

“Let’s get dressed. I’m sure everyone heard us.” You roll your eyes.

“Hey that’s never bothered you before,” he teases.

[zvnphoria]

- how being koko’s best friend would be like

a/n - had too much fun with this. THIS IS VERY LONG UM. this is an apology for being inactive.

contains - fluff, teeny bit of angst, just platonic because YEAH, fem!reader, implied strong reader, reader has mommy issues (definitely not projecting), reader had a friendship with akane and looked up to her like an older sister

you and hajime go way back since you were kids. you two met in an interesting way but not necessarily in a good one.

you were walking to the nearest park to get out of your crazy house because your mom kept screaming at you over the littlest thing again. you forgot to wash the dishes (you didn’t necessarily forget that’s for sure). you stopped once you saw a boy around your age getting beaten up by some older kids. his hand gripped tightly on what looked like a school bag and protected it like his life depended on it.

it didn’t matter anymore because you had just knocked out both of the bullies in no time without a thought— almost as if it was normal to you. when you looked at the boy, he had blood going down from his forehead to his cheek, heavily panting and on the verge of passing out. he’s not the fighting type, huh. luckily you had a towel wrapped around your neck since you had just gotten out of the shower when you walked out your house, you weren’t gonna spend much time at the park anyways

you kneeled down and wiped the dripping blood off his face and noticed a bigger figure running towards you both. it was.. a girl?

“hajime-kun! what happened here?!” she panicked as she checked your surroundings

“akane-san.. it’s no big deal i promise..”

“no big deal?! i knew something was up when you rushed the other way. and my bag also happened to be missing! why didn’t you ask for help? you don’t need to be independent all the time.”

“and you,” she began, making eye contact with you

“are you okay? are you hurt?”

“no no! i’m fine don’t worry.”

“she was actually the one who knocked them out, akane-san,”

the older girl looked at the unconscious bullies, then back at you with shock and amazement in her eyes

“you did this? that’s amazing!” she says as she quickly takes your hands and wraps it around hers

“uh.. yes i promise it’s really not a big deal. i’ve dealt through worse, trust me,” you say as you gaze at the direction of your house

“worse or not this is still definitely something! even i cant beat someone up, and i’m way older than you!” she chuckled

“well it’s not like you have the heart to do something like that, akane-san,” the boy comments

“hahah you’re right, you’re right. anyways we should get going now— the sun is gonna set very soon, and you should get home as well. is your house nearby? we can walk you if you’d like,”

even ‘til this day you still don’t know why you didn’t decline her offer. was it because she was nice? it didn’t matter anymore, because if you had declined, you wouldn’t get to meet such amazing people.

it’s been a few months after meeting hajime and akane, and you had also met akane’s younger brother who was your age— seishu! you four would often hang out, whether it was at the inui home or at hajime’s house. getting to know them was pretty fun, and very interesting because a certain someone had a crush on akane.

it was definitely not seishu because they’re siblings and that’s just weird, definitely not you because akane had reminded you of your older sister who was almost never in your life, so that only left one choice— hajime.

his crush on her was so painfully obvious that you couldn’t stand seeing him try to impress her every now and then. he even ditched his glasses and bought contacts just for her to compliment him! he’s whipped huh..

one day you decided to help him out a little with his crush. it was another day of your usual hang outs except this time it was at your local mall! akane’s birthday was coming up and you three had collectively agreed to take her to the mall and see if she would see anything she’d like. turns out she was eyeing some platforms with red on the bottoms, and you took notice.

seishu dragged her to go to the food court with him because he was “hungry” so you and hajime took the chance to buy the heels. you were both now at the cash register, waiting for the register person

“i don’t understand you,” you began

“i don’t understand why you like her so much. i mean— i get that’s she’s amazing and nice and pretty and all but.. there’s another reason why you like her. something must’ve happened for you to be so attached to her so what is it?” you meant no harm with this question whatsoever. you were simply curious and that’s all.

before he answered, he smiled to himself and looked back at you

“she’s the only one that makes me feel not under pressure all the time. she’s the one who constantly reminds me that i shouldn’t be so independent and that i should always ask for help.” as you took a breath in to reply, he stopped you

“before you say anything, i know. i know she doesn’t like me. i know she’s just being nice. but there’s nothing wrong with a one-sided crush right?” he grins

even though he was beaming with a smile in front of you, you knew. you knew this wasn’t how he truly felt. you knew that deep down he was hurt but it was understandable. after all, he was just a kid wasn’t he? you saw right through him.

it was a shame after what happened the next couple of weeks after that conversation. it all happened so fast and none of you were prepared for it. you weren’t prepared for the incident that had happened to akane. a few days before it occurred, koko proudly told you that he was planning to confess and you were way against it.

“huh?! but i need to get this off my chest, y/n! i don’t care if she rejects me or not!”

“haji, i have a bad feeling about this.. i’m serious. you know how i always get bad feelings and they turn out to be true!”

he groaned and scooted far from where he was originally sitting which was right next to you. you sigh and got up to sit down next to him and laid your head on his shoulder so he wouldn’t escape

“i just don’t want you to get your hopes up, that’s all.” deep down you knew the truth. akane wasn’t interested in boys one bit despite all the confessions she had received almost every week.

“fine. you have a point. but im still going with this,”

all you could do was do nothing but let him. oh how you wished you protested more, because in return all he got was a huge burden on his shoulders.

“please ma’am, just please tell me what room akane inui and seishu inui are in,” you shouted as tears were rolling down on your cheeks. “107, right down the hall and take a left ‘hon”

you bowed and quickly made your way into the room. as you burst the door open, your eyes immediately go on seishu who looked so sad to the point where he didn’t even bother to look up at you. you hug him with a feeling of relief flowing in your body, but soon that feeling was gone when you asked where akane was.

you stood outside the door, not knowing why your feet couldn’t move. what’s wrong, y/n? her voice rang your ears. go on, don’t worry i’ll be right here next to you and if you get scared, just hold my hand! right. that was the time you were at a “haunted” house together and you were scared to go in. why are you being reminded of this right now?

you gulped and slowly opened the doorknob and found a crying boy in front of you, hands grabbing on the sheets with his head on the edge of the bed. you couldn’t do anything. all you could do was sit next to him with your head resting on his shoulder while you were crying.

a few years after that, you both acted as if nothing had happened. not because you wanted to forget akane, but because you knew akane would’ve wanted you both to continue living on without her.

despite not dating, you two would always have couple tendencies like feeding food to eachother or hugging often but you’re just THAT close to the point you can probably kiss without feeling any romantic attraction whatsoever

you couldn’t hang out with him as much anymore because of all the gang related things he’s doing. to make it up to you, he knocks on your window late at night and sleeps over most of the time. you talk to him about the usual— have you been eating? you should get more rest. and so on.

you were the one who got him to start wearing eyeliner! at first he just looked at you with a confused face when you handed him it as his present, but then you explained that if he wants to go fully dedicated to the black dragons, the wings of the eyeliner would represent the wings of the dragon. he didn’t wear it at first, all he did was ruffle your hair and said he’d think about it— and he kept his word! so now he’s the iconic money-making genius that wears eyeliner.

after all that’s happened between you two, there isn’t a single awkward moment you share. you know those friends who bring up an adult related topic out of completely nowhere? you two were those friends.

“i was walking by an alley and i heard a girl getting fucked,” he says while chewing the piece of gum you handed to him

“..and??”

“i’ve never walked away so fast in my life.”

there are days where you’re sad but, of course, you don’t tell him. in fact you don’t need to tell him because he’ll know when you’re upset.

“so are ya gonna tell me what’s wrong?” he says as he rests his head on your thighs

“ugh how do you always know..”

“because we’ve been together for the longest, duh.”

he doesn’t show it much, but he cares for you more than you think he does. overprotective and can’t help but show it at times, but don’t worry! he’s doing it because he loves you. remembers the littlest things you talk about and are interested in. he’s also constantly on the lookout so that you don’t get hurt or even worse.

when he’s the one who’s upset, you immediately know. he’s quieter than usual, zoning out a lot and just not paying attention to what you’re saying to him, almost like he’s in his own little world. before you initiate a conversation, you play with his hair so he’ll feel comfortable as a way for you to convince him to tell you what’s wrong.

even though it happened such a long time ago, he still thinks about her. you cant blame him, you do too! if you were to describe your best friend with one sentence, the first thing that would pop up in your head was weak little boy. not weak as in physically weak, but weak as in mentally weak. he can’t help but get emotional when it comes to her, which is understandable.

“it’s not your fault, hajime. she left you with no proper closure, and now you’re carrying guilt and burden on your shoulders. anyone would feel the same or even worse in your position.”

he didn’t respond but he doesn’t need to. all that matters to him is that you’re next to him, comforting him with your kind words like you always do. you both have some differences which caused a few arguments, but in the end you would still be best friends.

speaking of arguments, you argue either over the dumbest things ever or over serious topics. one time you got mad at him because he was beating you in a video game and his smug expression was not helping at all. you kicked him out of your house because you were just THAT frustrated. you felt guilty so you decided to walk to his house and apologize but stopped once you saw a certain figure trying to climb up to your window.

in the start of the serious argument, it was completely something different than what you were yelling at each other about now.

he showed up at your house with your favorite boba and snacks. you demanded him to put those down.

“hajime. food— no. MONEY cant keep me happy forever, and that also applies to you!”

“then what else am i supposed to do?!” his voice started getting weak. he was never the type to argue because he’d always get emotional.

“what am i other than a money-making genius? other than a wallet?”

“i cant do anything about my situation, y/n. nothing. because that’s all i am. just a stupid wallet for everyone to use.” he says about to walk away until you grab his sleeve to stop him.

“that’s not even true. you’re so much more than that, hajime. i’m sorry.. i’m so sorry.” you were crying into his chest and he couldn’t help but cry with you.

he spoils you 100%, no doubt. there was a point in life where you would always decline but you had just gotten so used to the offer that you got tired of fighting back. i mean, how could you? he was so willing and eager and most importantly HAPPY to do this for you.

hajime cant drive motorcycles and you constantly tease him about it, which he just responds to you by squeezing your cheeks together so you could shut up. the bad thing about this is that you guys always have to walk or go on a bus to the specific place you’re going to which is pretty tiring at times. although that doesn’t matter because what matters is that you both have each other.

back to the overprotective part.. you got called by this boy to meet him at the rooftop by the end of school and you already knew what was about to go down because of your shoujo manga reading sessions. the first thing you did was call hajime and he immediately got there to warn you about what you were gonna get yourself into.

“don’t you already have someone you like??”

“uh.. no?”

“i couldve sworn you liked that ‘tora dude..”

“keep your mouth shut!”

“…so you’re gonna reject him right?”

and you did! nicely, of course. hajime advised you should make come off as mean so he wouldn’t bother you again but you just ignored him and pretended like you didn’t hear anything.

being his best friend contains some ups and downs, but that’s the point of true friendships— it’ll never be perfect.

[momota-kaiharem]

maybe this is just my kinnie speaking but i think a lot about the way that shuichi and maki interact with kaito. let me take an interaction from the talent development plan as an example.

just rewatching this interaction made me pretty mad again FLKJDSLKFJ i love training trio and i freaking love their relationship, but god, the way that maki and shuichi treat kaito here just drives me absolutely crazy, so let’s break it down.

i think maki is the more egregious offender here (because shuichi is a simp with manners) but throughout the interaction she’s very dismissive towards kaito, asking why he brought them out there (when shuichi says it’s something they do a lot) and then saying he was useless when he went with them to the novoselic, and saying he didn’t need to go along at all. but up until here shuichi does defend kaito a bit, even if it’s in a bit of a patronisng way (remarking that kaito “does this a lot” but “isn’t it fun” and remarking that kaito’s use on the novoselic mission was to invite maki).

and then kaito says that when he goes to space, he wants to see if he can see shuichi and maki from up there, which is a really sweet sentiment, albeit unrealistic. maki shuts him down pretty fast saying he couldn’t see them from that far, and shuichi says that he might be able to see the general region, and then kaito says that he’d like to take them up to space, and THIS is the thing that really frustrates me.

kaito loves shuichi and maki. romantically, platonically, however you’d like to describe it, it’s obvious that he cares about them a LOT. i mean, he tries to convince kaede to become an astronaut too in his ftes with her, but you could argue that kaito was trying to convince her to go to space because he really respects her (as indicated by the way kaito was the only one to consistently stand up for kaede through chapter one, and the way he was willing to fight the exisals to keep monokuma from executing her, and the way he was crying after she got executed... also he asks her for hugs a lot and it’s really cute kaito you simp ilu) so again, it shows, kaito says he wants to take people to space because he loves them. space is what kaito has always been most passionate about. it’s his longest standing goal and something he wants to share with the most important people in his life.

obviously he’s being unrealistic here!! but maki and shuichi have been friends with kaito for three years by now, and they should be used to it-- they are used to it, actually, as shown by maki’s response-- but maki’s response is mean!!! it’s mean. kaito shared a sweet sentiment about wanting to share his most treasured thing with them and maki responded by calling him stupid-- which, if you remember, kaito really doesn’t like being called!!! i’d go grab screenshots, but i don’t want to go sit and watch trials until i can find it, but often when kaito is called an idiot he responds by yelling that he’s not, and that he doesn’t like being called that. i know with maki a lot of it is just banter, but still, the utter disregard for kaito’s feelings just because he’s a hahaha positive himbo man hee hee hoo hoo is... ugh. it happens a LOT throughout the game and it’s really upsetting to me.

and then shuichi’s response is what really upsets me. i know it’s just meant as a tease, but let’s think about everything that kaito has done for shuichi and maki for a moment, here. sure, his practical abilities might not be on par with theirs. he’s not a detective and he’s not an assassin, so he can’t solve murders or fight off danger, but his EQ is INCREDIBLY high. he saw maki and shuichi, and he saw that they were struggling, and he decided to take them under his wing and help them to grow. he didn’t have to do that!!! he didn’t owe them anything. maki and shuichi could’ve grown at their own paces, of course, i believe in them, but a large part of their becoming more comfortable with who they are was owed to kaito’s help and love and guidance that he showed them over the years.

so the implication that kaito, an ASTRONAUT, would need them to go to space to save him, is utterly ridiculous. and mean!! it’s really mean. it implies that kaito is useless without them, that he needs them to go up there to save him (like they’re always saving him or whatever, which i find really stupid because there are absolutely no tdp events where they help him even SLIGHTLY) when he’s literally been training to be an astronaut and go to space for the last three years!!! it’s his special interest, and it’s so invalidating, to take kaito wanting to share that with them and imply that he’s useless at it, and that he needs assistance that they’ve never offered him because of it.

and maki’s response is really gross to me too, like kaito doesn’t have any other friends, which is totally stupid. i’m sure kaede would jump to his aid if he needed her, and gonta, and any other members of their class-- i mean, kaito is a nice guy!!! he helps people!!! it was easy to rally everyone in chapter five to save kaito because he was inspiring them!!! kokichi took him because if he didn’t, kaito would be there making everyone want to keep going. maki saying that implies that kaito is so annoying that they’re the only ones who would put up with him, that they’re these two skilled people who are just there because they pity him-- which isn’t true at all, i mean they’re totally talented but ALSO i know for a FACT that maki and shuichi really appreciate kaito, so why don’t they just act like it??

actually, i have thoughts on the reason why they behave that way. it’s something that happens a lot when you get comfortable with people. kaito projects confidence, this really strong, self-satisfied demeanour. it’s clear (or at least it seems to be clear) that he has a lot of self respect. so the teasing, to maki and shuichi, feels harmless, because kaito has high self esteem, he can take it. besides, he clearly has an inflated ego, right? so he needs them to take him down a peg.

except that’s not true, and you can tell that kaito has low self esteem because of what happens in chapter four. all throughout that chapter people rag on kaito, calling him an idiot, saying he’s useless during trials, saying shuichi is the only smart one. kokichi calls him an idiot and antagonises him over and over and over and shuichi NEVER sticks up for him, never once sticks his neck out and says “hey, i really appreciate kaito, and i need you to stop talking bad about him”. instead he just lets kaito fend everyone off alone, and of course maki doesn’t stick up for him either. that’s part of what fuels kaito’s turn on shuichi in chapter five. sure, you could argue that it was about gonta-- but shuichi also turned the tables on kaede, who kaito showed more consistent affection/respect towards, and he didn’t hate shuichi for that. no, the problem was that shuichi was getting all the credit and appreciation from everybody (which was fine!!! he led the trials) and kaito was getting dumped on over and over and over and shuichi was just letting it happen, soaking in all the admiration and letting kaito be called useless.

and i mean, that’d be hard for anyone, being called stupid over and over, getting forcefully logged out of the simulation twice, once by your own sidekick who didn’t even bother asking you permission first, but it’s clear to me that kaito feels inadequate, especially as compared to shuichi, who is so intelligent and composed. kaito projects outwards, he puts on this big grin and calls himself a hero, and that must stem from a place of insecurity. there’s no way that someone who gave himself a dorky title like luminary of the stars is super secure in himself and his relationships. 

there’s another reason why maki and shuichi probably treat kaito that way, and that’s because when you respect and appreciate someone that much, and you struggle expressing it, struggle with vulnerability, it becomes... hard to express. maki hasn’t been close to someone like she’s close to kaito for as long as she remembers. she’s never had a freaking nickname before, i mean, her life is really sad. clearly some of the teasing comes from a place of love, of “i respect and admire you so much, you helped me come out of my shell, idk what i would’ve done without you” and not knowing how to express it. i’ve been there. we’ve all been there. when you love a person but don’t know how to say it, sometimes you just end up playfully ragging on them.

and that’s fine, if it’s two-sided. banter has to be mutual, it has to be something that everyone is enjoying and is comfortable with. you choose things that they’re not sensitive about, that they’re fine with you taking the piss out of them over-- that they take the piss out of themself over. but let’s think about kaito for a minute here, and whether this is really banter.

1. does kaito ever jokingly call himself an idiot? does he ever say he’s useless, or he needs people to save him, or he’s dumb? how does he react when other people do it to him? even when maki calls him a dumbass ingame he gets upset about it, but then he brushes it off, because genuinely being hurt over something like that requires vulnerability and kaito doesn’t really DO vulnerability lmao

2. how does kaito respond? does he tease them back? i think if this was a case of healthy banter, kaito would’ve gone with a jab of his own, like, “haha, you two are hilarious, you know you love me” sorta thing, and then moved on to talk about the moon like he does in his next line. he doesn’t, though, and you never really see kaito making fun of those two. he calls maki a coward in chapter three, but he’s just being honest with her, being blunt about her weaknesses to help her grow. kaito doesn’t sugar coat things, doesn’t hold your hand and walk you through your problems. he’s a tough love sort of guy and that doesn’t work for everyone but it does really work for shuichi and maki, to the point where both of them become pretty confident in themselves, owed at least in part to the way that kaito guided them through becoming the people they wanted to be. but he doesn’t really tease them, never calls shuichi out on wearing his hat (he doesn’t even notice it) and never makes fun of maki for being an assassin/having a kill count/whatever stuff they’re insecure about. of course he doesn’t! kaito is a good friend.

i think it’s important to mention here that kaito does respond with lighthearted indignation before he brushes it off, but i just don’t feel like this is healthy, two-sided banter. you see maki and shuichi acting dismissive of kaito a lot, despite everything that he does for them. he puts up with it, but if anything that just shows to me more how everything in the relationship flows one way. all the care, love, and respect goes from kaito to shuichi and maki. he takes care of them, he helps them, he doesn’t mock them. in return they tease him (even if their intentions are good!!!) and don’t ever really push him to open up, nor do they stand up for him when people put him down, nor do they particularly try and get him to be honest with his emotions. take chapter four, for example, after kokichi punches kaito and he doubles over, coughing up blood. maki and shuichi just buy that it’s a cold when kaito says that, they don’t push, even though they’re both clearly skeptical. respecting boundaries is important, but you NEED to push sometimes, you need to make people open up, because in that case kaito was literally dying, and he had to spend the rest of his life putting up a front.

i mean, even when he was dying he was holding back the urge to cough, acting brave and strong, putting on a hero face so that the two of them could go on to defeat the mastermind and focus on things that mattered. not on him.

i love training trio, i think these three work so well together and they can bring out each other’s strengths and weaknesses, but i just think that shuichi and maki do NOT treat kaito well, and unless he opens up and communicates about it, it’s going to lead to building resentments and an increased lowering of kaito’s self esteem. maybe this wasn’t intentional on the part of the game, but if it wasn’t, clearly it just shows that dr is incapable of writing healthy friendships. i’d love to write a character study someday about these guys, where kaito talks about his feelings and maki and shuichi realise they treat him like crap, but until then i guess i’ll just sit here and scream about it.

[lunaekalenda]

i really enjoy your writing and i saw that your requests are open!

can i request a fic or a drabble about levi having a massive crush on y/n but later finds out she has a long term s/o (she doesnt really talk about her relationship) and levi tries to get over her but hes stubborn and he can’t ): BUT y/n gets cheated on by her s/o and levi is there for y/n as she heals and it becomes a REALLY slow burn kinda love (-: could be modern au or canon verse whichever you’re comfortable with

thank u sm in advance! i hope you have a great day <3

hiiii!!! thank you so much, i'm really happy knowing that you enjoy it! 🥺 and thats really cool omg!! i hope you like it and it was what you’ve asked for!!! (also I wrote a lot ajajja sorry i got inspired)

𝔠𝔯𝔲𝔰𝔥

❁ levi x female reader!

❁ maybe levi cursing a bit but nothing we haven’t seen before on him lol

❁ and some kicks but again nothing levi hasn’t done before lmao

"That was a good one!" Connie congratulates you when you're again on the floor. The Titan wood figure is now divided in two parts.

"Next time, be a bit more careful." Jean says, looking to the boys that are trying to fix the figure. "I think they will have a hard time fixing it." You blushed when you looked at the boys, both with their hands in their heads. You bowed at them, saying sorry, when they looked at you.

"But that was a-ma-zing." Sasha says. They all agree and Connie looks to the sky.

"I think it's time to eat. You coming?" you moved your head from one side to other.

"No. Jurian is waiting for me to eat." Connie moved his eyebrows and Jean looked with interest.

You usually don't like to talk about your relationship, but this three were your best friends, and you basically threatened them, telling them that if they opened their mouth you would crack them.

"Oooh, then have fun." Jean says. He and Connie smile to each other.

"And try to eat something more than the other’s mouth." Connie laughed right after saying that, and your ears blushed while you walked to the other exit. They waved their hands at you and you waved yours back. You could see Jurian's hair from where you were. But a hand on your shoulder stopped you.

"Oi, wait."

You recognized that voice. When you turned back, Captain Levi was there, looking at you.

"Yes, Captain?"

You were clueless, but Levi's brain was trying his best to form a coherent phrase.

"You're good at it. But next time, try not to break our training models, got it?" You blushed again, remembering the accident. He looked at you, and you thought he was disappointed, but he was totally hypnotized by the way your ears started to get a red color, along with your cheeks. He cleared his throat and looked away. "Try to be more careful next time, but just in the training."

"Yes, Captain Levi." He turned around and went back to the control point, were Hange was waiting for him.

"Wow Levi, that was by far the longest interaction between you two in years."

"Shut up, four eyes"

"I have never seen you so focused on someone."

Levi clicked his tongue, but Hange was right. He had a damn crush on you since you entered the Survey Corps. But, what really caught his attention, was your innocent appearance, that later did not agree with your fierceness in battle. He fell by the grace of your body as it moved through the trees, and your sweet smile every time you come across him. Your voice is driving him crazy and just thinking of all the times you cared for him makes his heart shake. He looks behind him before leaving the control station, making sure you’re gone.

Jurian was playing with a flower when you arrive. He kisses you cheek before holding your hand.

"Did you wait too much?" he moved his head, saying no.

"It's fine, don't worry."

You two walked in silence towards the cantine, but you never ate there. Jur knows a little field apart from the training camp where you can't be seen. He brought a bag with some food, so you sit on the field and start eating.

"How was the practice?" he asks. You swallow the tea and answer.

"It was fine. Levi came to notify me for breaking a figure." he laughs quietly.

You met Jurian on your second year on the Survey Corps. You were being examinated, they were about to decide in which squad they were going to assign you. Your amazing skills on titan elimination and the control of ODMG assured you a place in the best squads: Levi's, Hange's and Erwin's. If you could have chosen, you would choose Levi's, the Special Operations Squad, but the three captains decided to put you on Hange's squad. You're happy to be there, they are really good as captain and you feel comfortable, but you're not into capture titans and experiment with them.

Jurian was also a soldier trying to enter on one of the highest squads, but he didn't pass the test. He was assigned to a little squad on charge of the food and the carts. You started talking later that day, when he told you that you were lucky to join a squad, and somehow both of you started to see each other everyday, which ended in a relationship of four years and a half. You kept this in secret, because

a) the Survey Corps members are really gossip

b) you're not a fan of showing your private life to everybody.

But, that was your error.

Once you two finished eating, Jur said he had to do some training with his squad.

"Now?" he nods "I thought all the trainings were finished for today"

"It's a special one. You know, carts and that things." You nod. He kisses you fast before leaving. You start to walk towards your room. Not surprisingly, Connie is yelling at Sasha, and she's eating something that looks like an onigiri.

You shared a room with Sasha and Historia, but now that Historia left the Corps, Sasha and you sleep alone. Connie and Jean are always on your room, paassing time, and the four of you became a group.

"Sasha just open your mouth, I want to eat too!" she shakes her head. You sigh before unpacking the bag Jurian gave you, telling that he couldn't bring it with him to the training. At the end of the bag, you saw his belt, where the ODMG has to be fastened. You think that probably the training hasn't started yet. You make your way out of your room, almost colliding with Jean, who was about to enter.

"You're going somewhere?"

"I'll be right back, wait a bit!" You started to run towards the training camp. The captains advise not to go out at night, but without that belt, Jurian was unable to train.

"Where are you going?" Levi's voice scared you. You looked around, but you couldn't see him. "Up here." Your gaze runs to a tree. He's is perched on a large branch of the tree, leaning against the trunk. his Maneuvering gear still on. He goes down fast.

"I... I have to give this to somebody, Captain."

"Interesting... May I accompany you?"

If Levi goes with you, he will discover your relationship with Jurian, but if you say no, he probably distrust and lose all esteem he has for you. So you start telling him when you two start walking.

"It's for my boyfriend." his face freezes.

Right now, on Levi Ackerman's head, the remote possibility of you dating someone has gained weight.

"Boyfriend, huh?" he says. He's about to turn back, run and hit something, but he pressures himself to stay calmly. He knows he has now zero opportunities with you, but he keeps in mind the fact that maybe you two have just started and maybe that relationship is going nowhere.

“Yes. We’ve been together for four years.” Levi almost chokes on his saliva, but he hid it well. 

“Tch, I’m just accompanying you, you don’t have to explain to me.” He said. The truth is that hear you talking about your boyfriend hurts him, hurts a lot. But he has to know who is he. You two keep walking. “Wait, where is he? The boy dorms are on the other side.”

“He said he had a training now.” Levi frowned.

“In which squad is he?” He asked. You explained him the position of Jurian, and his eyes where serious. “There aren’t trainings now, and less of that squad. What the hell is he doing?” You looked at him, confused. Jurian is a good and honest guy, it’s impossible that he is lying. “Are you armed?” you shake your head. “Stay behind me and be quiet, got it?”. You nod and Levi starts walking in silence, followed by you. You could see the doors of the training zone from behind him, and two low voices could be heard. You frowned, trying to recognize any of them. One was laughing. It sounded like a woman.

Levi entered the training zone with silent steps, making sure you two aren’t exposed. He pulls a blade out of its sheath, silently, and makes his way to the control station, where a lamp is on. He walks until he’s in front of the door, the voices now can be heard.

“Is it okay, Rian? I mean, your girlfriend...”

“I told you a hundred times she’s so obsessed with being a good soldier and enter Levi’s squad that she’s useless for me. At least she’s pretty and it’s on a good squad.” That voice... That was Jurian. Your boyfriend. The boy you have been dating for the past four years and a half.

And the boy that is cheating on you.

You started crying. You didn’t care about Levi being in front of you our the people inside the cabin. Levi looked over his shoulder to make sure you’re okay. His gaze went a little bit more sweet when he saw you were crying.

He opened the door with one kick, making the two of them yell. Jurian hugged the girl, and you recognized her. She was also in the cart squad.

“What the heck?”

“Tch, I see now.” Levi takes the belt from your hands, and he trows it in front of Jurian. “For this type of training, you don’t need a belt, you bastard.” Levi put his blade again on its sheath. “Do you have something to say?”

“We... wait, why is she here?” He looks at you. Your anger starts to rise at lightning speed.

“You’re a disgrace, Jurian”

“Oh, wait, she’s your girlfriend? I thought it was the girl you were kissing a year ago.” The girl says. You look at her.

“What?” A year ago? So this is not new? You feel your tears running. Levi clicks his tongue once again.

“Look, bastard. You’ll  be cleaning horse shit from now on, and I’ll put in your position someone who takes his job seriously and does not dedicate himself to being unfaithful and flirting with all the women of the regiment”

Jurian opened his mouth before starting to yell.

“You’re no one to give me orders! and I will not tolerate disrespect towards my person withou...”

“I’m tired of hearing you.” Levi kicked Jurian’s knee with strength, making him fall. He growled. “Now, do what I said, because I’ll remind you in case you have forgotten: I’m your Captain. I can give you orders and beat your ass up if you’re being disrespectful towards a comrade.” he says. Jurian tries to get up, failing a couple times, and the girl he was with runs before being scolded by Levi. “Now go.”

“But I’m taking my girlfriend with me.” he says.

“I’m not your girlfriend.”

“We haven’t broke up yet.”

“Huh?” Levi asks. “Do you think she wants to see your face again? Let's go." He says to you. You nod.

"You're really going with him without hearing an explanation?" Jurian says from the floor. You stop, looking at him, but Levi reaches your hand.

It's well-known that Captain Levi avoids all type of contact, so his hand holding yours surprised you. You followed him, letting Jurian behind. Once you have walked a while, Levi stops.

"Are you okay?" he asks. You have your eyes wet, almost crying again. Levi remembers his hand on yours and lets it go. "Well, I'm sorry you saw that."

"Better for me watching it. At least now i know he wasn't a good guy."

"He's a bastard and he doesn't deserve a girl that cares that much." he says. You look at him but he starts to walk again. You follow him. "Go straight to your room, talk with your friends and rest a bit." he says. "I'll go notice Erwin about the use of the training camp on free hours." You nod and Levi scans your face. "You're okay?" he asks again. You nod and show him a little smile. He turns back.

That smile was about to kill him. You returned to you room, the three voices yelling could be heard from outside.

"We should go and search her!" Sasha says.

"But she's with her boyfriend, let her have fun" This time is Connie

"But don't you think she has been outside for a while?" Jean agrees with Sasha. You open the door and the three of them sigh. "How was it?" Jean asks. Your eyes are still wet and your breath isn't rhythmic.

"He was cheating on me. For years." They all looked at you. Connie and Sasha shared a gaze before hugging you. "Did you said something to he?"

"Fortunately, Captains Levi was with me... I'll have to thank him tomorrow." Jean moved his enormous body to yours, and covered you with a hug after Sasha and Connie ended. Your friends, well, you four had a special friendship, and you couldn't be more thankful for having them by your side.

The next day, when you knocked on the official's room searching for Levi, Hange smiled at you.

"He went today on a little expedition with Erwin. He's going to return on a couple hours. Do you want to help me cleaning the titan's place while you wait?"

You didn't want, but Hange looked so happy you couldn't say no. After a couple hours, nobody told you two that the expedition came back. An hour later, there was no sign of return. Another hour later, you two were about to lose your nerves when a cadet entered running.

"Only fifteen from the twenty that went are back, and all of them are injuried, we need help!"

Hange and you ran from the titan's experiment zone to the improvised hospital. There, a lot of soldiers where laying on beds, with several injuries. Levi was leaning against the wall. You walked towards him and he looked at you.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Are you okay?" you asked at the same time. You had that natural impulse to worry about everybody, but now that Levi helped you, you felt a debt to him.

"I'm okay." he says, but he has a long cut in the abdomen, it even tore his shirt from the deep.

"Would you let me help, Captain? I have a little knowledge of injuries, and the one on your abdomen looks bad." He looked at it and clicked his tonge.

"If it is okay for you..." He walks to a empty room and sits on the bed. You look at him, examinating the cut. "Do you need me to undress?" he asks. You nod silently and he starts to unbotton his shirt. His head was a mess. He's not working with normality since he's about to have your hands on his nude body. "Just the shirt, no?" you look at the cut now that it is discovered. A little bit of it is hidden under his pants, but nothing to die for. You nod again while threading the needle. "Have you stitched a wound before?"

"Yes, I helped Connie and Jean a couple times." Levi looks at you, but when you turn around and your eyes meet, he looks through the window. You clean his wound with a little bit of water before start stitching it. You work on silence and Levi is really quiet, not like the other two boys. You let your eyes look his skin. It isn't smooth or soft, full of scars and poorly healed wounds. You kept working on the cut, Levi's face showing pain. His skin was hot against your fingers. Captain Levi has been always a role model for you.

His abilities on battle and the way he speaks to you make you think of him as a true captain. Connie is lowkey scared of him and Sasha says that he's superior to all the army together. Levi could be distant sometimes, but you never experienced that before. The way he always assists your kills and helps you when you're in danger says a lot about him. His grey eyes were fixed on your face, concentrated on making a good work on his skin.

"Does it hurt?" you ask, your voice lowered because of the concentration.

"No." he simply answers. You where about to end stitching. Once you're finished, you cut the restant thread and clean it a bit with water. "Thanks."

"Thanks to you, Levi." his heart shaked. You didn't use Captain before his name. You where treating him like a person, not like a superior. "For helping me yesterday."

"It was nothing." he says, simply. He pulls a shirt out of a nearby ark and dresses carefully. "So you wanted to enter my squad?" he asks, trying to lighten the mood. You look at him, surprised. It's the first time Levi tries to hold a conversation and he remembers what Jurian said yesterday night.

"Yes, that's why I worked so hard." you explain. Jean, Connie and Sasha are part of it, and with Levi as the Captain, they were recognized everywhere. "I really admire the way you fight and help the soldiers. I really wanted to be part of the Special Operation Squad." His face is serious, but he's regretting telling Hange inside. They were who told Erwin, and Erwin decided to put you on a squad where Levi has no business, to avoid him from get distracted or give his life for yours. Damn.

"Actually, I need someone with your strength on battle." he says. He's lying, with him and Mikasa in the same squad... "Move to our squad with your friends." he sounds indifferent, but he's so nervous his soul is about to leave his body. You looked directly at him, happy.

"For real?" That expresion, oh man. You have destroyed the Captain with it. You are so beautiful, looking at him with your eyes sparkling from happiness. "She's so close" he thinks, but then he retracts himself. "No, Levi, no." He just wanted to hug you and tell you he was going to reach you no matter what, and be there for you every time you needed him. He (surprisingly) wanted to kiss you softly to feel you melt against his body and look at your eyes sparkling for the rest of his life.

But he nods. He just nods. You smile at him and bow in signal of respect. "Thanks, Captain!"

"I'll talk to Hange, don't worry about it. Oh, and you can call me Levi. Formalisms are only for threathening." You let out a quite laugh. He kind of smiles, and you tell him how he should take care of the stitches ("I had my wounds stitched before, y/n") before leaving to tell your friends you four are going to train together starting next week.

Hange was sad because you left their team, but they were also happy because a boy who really likes titans entered on your place. In any way, you promised Hange to keep in touch with them.

The trainings with Levi's Squad were hard, but they where worth it. The first day, Levi told you to watch their training, and you were amazed by the way they train. Connie and Sasha making double surprise attacks; Jean and his superior ODMG control and leadership; Eren learning to use his titan form with Mikasa having his back, and Armin making strategic plans on a second. And Levi. The grace of his body, the speed and the strenght, the precision of his cuts. The first day you trained, Levi destined you to Jean's sub-captaincy, but, when he was observing you, he thought maybe you where the one with whom he could make the most effective double maneuvers. So you two started to train together, as a team of two. At first it was difficult for you, Levi is just a born soldier, and your abilities have been born of effort. But, you learned from him, and you quickly joined his movements. He was surprised by the way you understood his next movements without telling you. Months later, you two are on complete sync. He's comfortable with you, but the fact that now he talks with you every day, spend every single minute with you and also works with you is making him go insane. All this months of couple training and couple missions made you understood that Levi really cares for all of you, from Eren to Sasha, and he's having your back on every kill, on every assistance, on everything. All the times you ran out of gas or your blades weren't working well. When a titan tryied to kill you or the times you cried because of the death of your comrades. All those times, he was there for you, holding your hand, letting you cry on his neck or smiling to you after a good mission. The fact that, for the first time, you had someone who understands you and who really cares for you by your side, make your heart flutter.

"You're not going to ask her out?" Hange asked Levi. He clicked his tongue but stayed on silence. On the other hand, Jean was following you to your room.

"You like Levi." he said. You blushed and looked at your friend.

"N-No! Jean, the fuck?!" He laughed but raised an eyebrow in your direction.

"Oh, come on! I'm your best friend, you're obviously falling for the Captain. And I bet he's attracted to you." Your blush increased. But, maybe you liked Levi? You thought. It wasn't impossible. He always treated you so good, and his attractive face and his perfect body... Maybe you were falling slowly for the Captain... For the way you feel protected, important and adored when he fights with you, or the intimacy when you heal each other after a mission. The way he talks to you, and he listens all your ideas. You feel somehow important when he's areound you. Jean smiled slowly. "Go and tell him." You looked at your best friend with surprise. "You like him, for godness sake, you should tell him!" All this months, a little love flame has been increasing on your heart, little by little, but Jean's words made you realice you're about to burn.

You like Levi. You like your Captain.

"And if he rejects me?" Jean laughed before hugging you.

"Then he's a dork. But then keep things profesional. But I'm 100% sure he feels the same. Now go!" You follow Jean's advice and search Levi on the trees, were he was standing guard four months ago. You found him on the same tree, in the exact same position. He laughs when he sees you.

"You're going to return a belt?" he asks. You laugh while he goes down the tree. You shake your head.

"Actually I was searching you." Your hands were sweating and you couldn't make eye contact. He noticed that.

"It's everything okay?" He asked. You nod.

"It's just... What do you think of Captain-Subordinated relationships?"

"They have to be respectful to each other, I guess... Wait, did I made something wrong" You shake your head. Damn, this was hard. Killing a titan was a hundred times easier. "Then?" he was running out of patience.

"Maybe I started liking you, Captain Levi."

He had to blink twice. All the little Levi's working on his head were about to start a fire on his brain. "What?" he asked. His hands were about to tremble, but he hid it while asking you again. "What did you said?" You looked at him, but his face was unreadable, as usual.

"That I like you. Romantically talking. I just wanted to tell you, but now we can keep things profesional and this never happened, but I wanted to be honest with you and with myself." You stretch your hand towards him, and he keeps looking at you, but then he starts laughing. You don't understand anything. Like why the hell is he laughing? Does he think a love declaration is funny? But he looks at you.

"For years, I liked you for five fucking years. I still like you. Hange told me to forget you but I was unable. So I guess all my effort has been rewarded with a caring and pretty girl?" You laugh nervous, is he pranking you? But he's serious. His hand takes yours, but he pulls you towards him. "I cared for you and tried to call your attention, and then discovered you where with that boy. But you didn't deserve what he dis to you. I wanted to kick his soul out so bad. Why he, that had you, was looking for others and make you feel bad? Tch, he was lucky you were there." His hands searched yours. "I'm not a huge fan of physical contact, but every time you healed me I just could think of your hands in all my body. And sorry, but I really like you."

You both stayed in silence for a bit. So it was corresponding? And now? You're dating? You're going to keep things distant?

"So you think we should keep things like we have been doing?" He frowned.

"The hell, y/n? No. If we both like each other, isn't that how relationships start?" he was right. "Unless you don't want to."

"I was the one telling you first, of course I want."

"Cool. Should we discuss this drinking a cup of tea?" He asks. You nod before taking his hand, and looking for his reaction, you tangled your fingers with his. He smiled and took you hand to his lips.

"Let's go, Levi."

[fruitcoops]

hey! idk if you've seen that cut video about how couples sleep together but i just cant stop thinking about the team doing it. It would be SO cute with your amazing writing :))

Thank you! I absolutely adore this video and I’ve watched it probably twenty times--each couple is just so cute! Quick disclaimer: while this may seem a little odd, since the Lions are basically celebrities, I think the channel wanted to do it to show the diversity of the team and emphasize love above everything else. Hope you enjoy!

“Hey, Lions!” Marlene says cheerfully, waving to the camera. She stands alone in the studio for once. “We have something a little different for you today. Four of the couples on the team agreed to let us record them sleeping for a night, which we’ve combined with short interviews from each of them. Hope you enjoy!”

The video cuts and a title card appears, reading Couple Number One: James and Lily Potter.

Their bedroom is moderately sized, with a crib at the foot of the bed and a fluffy red comforter that accents their walls. James is partially visible as he brushes his teeth, but Lily is fully in frame in her oversized t-shirt and flannel pajama pants while she climbs into bed with Harry in her arms.

“How long have you been together?” Marlene asks in a voiceover.

“We’ve been married for just over six months,” James’ voice says; on the screen, he walks out of the bathroom and tucks his legs up to kiss the tops of Lily and Harry’s heads. “But we dated for several years before that.”

“What time do you normally go to bed?”

“Maybe eight? Eight-thirty?” Lily says. Sure enough, the clock on their nightstand reads 8:07. “We stay up after the baby’s gone to sleep, though.”

“What story are we doing tonight, kiddo?” James asks, pressing a raspberry kiss to Harry’s belly until baby giggles fill the bedroom. “How about…Make Way For Ducklings?”

“Ducky!” Harry squeals, reaching for his glasses.

“Alright, baby love.” Lily smiles as she takes a book of the nightstand and opens it up.

“Would you say you sleep well?” Marlene asks.

“Oh, that’s a tough question,” James says—in the bedroom, he and Lily take turns reading pages to Harry as he sits between them and points to the ducks. “It’s better now that he can sleep through the night. I’d say we get a solid seven hours each night, maybe more.”

“I wake up pretty often because I worry,” Lily adds.

“Do either of you talk in your sleep?”

She laughs. “No, thankfully. Once we’re out, we’re out until morning.”

“What’s your body language like?”

“I’m cuddly,” James says with a light laugh. In the video, he wraps an arm around Lily’s shoulders and traces the picture book with one finger, kissing Harry’s chubby baby hand. “She likes to starfish.”

“We’re both big cuddlers,” Lily agrees. The video skips forward in time, showing Lily lowering Harry into his crib while James grabs his phone off the nightstand and squints at it.

They curl up together while the clock continues to tick, and an hour or so later they put their phones away and snuggle under the covers. The night goes on and, slowly, Lily begins to splay out on the mattress, her hair in every direction as James keeps one arm securely around her waist. During a brief pause, their snoring harmonizes.

Harry wakes up just past four with a sniffle and babbles for a moment until James stands up, taking him out of his crib and humming softly as he bounces him; Lily barely flinches. “Baba,” Harry mumbles while he holds on to the edge of James’ shirt. “Baba, baba, baba.”

“Shh, buddy.” James touches their forehead together before setting him back down in the crib. “Sweet dreams. I love you.”

Marlene’s voiceover comes on again as the sun rises outside their window. “What time do you usually wake up?”

“James gets up earlier than I do for practice,” Lily says. A soft alarm jingles on the nightstand and James clumsily turns it off, scrubbing at his eyes for a second before digging his glasses out of the nightstand and sitting up—he leans over to kiss Lily’s forehead before getting up for real.

“Around seven, seven-thirty usually,” James confirms. “I don’t actually know what time you get up most weekdays.”

“Oh, probably eight-thirty or nine? Once Harry’s up, I’m up.”

Marlene hums. “How important is your bedroom to you? What about your bed?”

“Both are so important.” James doesn’t hesitate. “Evenings and nights are the longest period of time we spend together because of my job.”

“It’s a very safe space,” Lily says. “Life is so hectic, but once we’re in bed we don’t have to go anywhere else.”

The bedroom disappears—Lily and James sit in chairs in the Lion Pride studio with Marlene across from them. “Thanks so much for joining us today, you guys!” she says with a smile. “I’m really looking forward to filming this video.”

 Couple Number Two: Kasey Winter and Natalie Darcy

Their bedroom is smaller than the Potters’ and painted light blue with large windows. Outside, night has fallen and the light of the city shines through their blinds as Kasey closes them; Natalie is already in bed, reading a paperback with her legs crossed on top of the blankets.

Kasey turns the light off and climbs in next to her, resting his head on her thigh as he dozes off and she continues to read by her bedside lamp. “Goodnight,” he murmurs. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.” Natalie smiles and runs her fingers through his hair.

“How long have you been together?” Marlene asks.

“We’ve been dating for four years now,” Kasey’s voice says. In their bedroom, the video speeds up until eleven thirty, when Natalie puts her book down and settles into Kasey’s arms.

“Do you go to bed early or late? It’s just the two of you, right?”

“Right. Kase likes going to bed before me because he has to get up earlier, but I’m a night owl.”

“Does that make it hard for you to sleep well?”

“Not at all,” Kasey says. “She sleeps like a log and I’m always careful not to wake her up on workdays. We like to sleep in on days off.”

Marlene hums in agreement. “Do either of you talk in your sleep?”

“Nope. I’m a light sleeper, so it’s nice that neither of us do it.”

The video continues through the night and sure enough, the only sound is their soft breathing; Natalie presses against Kasey’s chest with an arm over his shoulders. “What’s your body language like when you sleep? Are you cuddlers?”

“I love cuddles!” Kasey says with an almost-audible smile. Sure enough, he snuggles into Natalie with a soft sigh as the clock on their wall turns to 4 am.

“How many hours of sleep do you get every night?” Marlene asks.

They take a moment to think, and the sun begins to shine through their bedroom window. “Ten to six am is…about eight hours? I can get by on six, though.”

“I need a solid eight, eight and a half to function,” Natalie says. “Though sometimes I’ll get up and do something before going back to bed until nine.”

“How important is your bedroom to you?”

“That’s a good question.” Kasey hums in thought. “I value it a lot because it’s a place to be close to her, and that’s hard to get when we’re both so busy.”

“I agree.”

On screen, Kasey’s alarm begins to ring and he stretches, gently detaching Natalie’s hold and kissing her shoulder as he pulls the blankets up to her chin and slides out of bed. “Have a good day, baby,” she mumbles sleepily.

“Love you,” he whispers back as he brushes her hair out of her eyes.

The video cuts; Kasey and Natalie have taken James and Lily’s places. “Thanks for agreeing to do this, guys!” Marlene says.

“I’m looking forward to it.” Natalie says with a slight smile.

 Couple Number 3: Sirius Black and Remus Lupin

The third bedroom is cluttered and neat at the same time. Knickknacks line the dresser and various items are scattered on the nightstand, but the floor is clean and the dark blue bedspread is tidy as Remus reads against the headboard. On the other side of the room, Sirius stops midway through brushing his teeth to change into a sleep shirt and Remus laughs at his muffled grumbling.

“How long have you been together?” Marlene asks again in her voiceover.

“We’ve been dating for over a year now,” Remus says.

“What time do you go to bed?”

“Oh, maybe ten pm? Eleven?” Sirius guesses. “Whenever we’re tired.”

The clock reads ten forty-five as Sirius gets under the covers and wraps his arms around Remus’ torso, cuddling against his waist and leg while Remus strokes his hair. Ten minutes pass until he puts the book down and turns off the light before scooting back against Sirius’ chest to be the little spoon. “Love you,” he says quietly.

Sirius kisses behind his ear. “Je t’aime.”

“What’s your body language like when you sleep?” Marlene asks. “Cap, everyone knows about your famous cuddles.”

He snorts. “Usually we spoon, but sometimes it changes up.”

“We kind of have to spoon,” Remus laughs. “You’d wake up on the floor otherwise.”

“I would not!” Sirius protests. In the video, an hour has passed, and he unconsciously tries to roll over Remus, who reaches up and pushes his shoulder back without opening his eyes. He shifts a few more times before settling down.

“Do you talk in your sleep as well?” Marlene continues.

Remus sighs. “No, that would be me.”

“It’s cute and awful at the same time,” Sirius says. “On one hand, it wakes me up, but on the other, we have the best conversations.”

At 2:12 am, Remus scrunches his nose up in his sleep. “Hey. Hey.”

Sirius huffs and cracks an eye open. “Quoi?”

“Go away.”

There’s a pause and Sirius sits up, clearly still half-asleep. “Huh?”

“The cat’s in the garden, dumbass. That cat—the cat is in the garden.”

With a heavy sigh, Sirius gets under the covers again and wraps his arms around Remus. “Okay, mon coeur.”

“Blueberry milkshake.”

“That doesn’t exist.”

“Yes, it does.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Shut up, Pots, nobody asked you.” Remus says playfully, then hums and pulls Sirius closer. “Bonjour, honey. Je t’aime.”

In the voiceover, Marlene laughs. “What do you two talk about?”

“Oh, everything,” Sirius replies.

An hour and a half passes in fast motion on screen; they move around a little bit, but overall stay cuddled up and comfortable. “The tea. Honey, the tea. Tea’s burning.”

Sirius reaches over and puts his hand over Remus’ mouth gently. “Shhh.”

“Tea’s burning,” Remus repeats, though his voice is muffled until he bats Sirius’ hand away. “Hugs and kisses, hugs and kisses.”

“Hey, sweetheart, what’s the meaning of life?”

Remus is quiet for a beat. “Pun’kin pie.”

“Why do you talk in your sleep?”

“I love you.”

“How could we have done better in our last game?” Sirius is grinning now and rubbing slow circles over Remus’ back. “I was a little worried about our defense.”

“Hmm. Apples.” Remus turns over and nuzzles against Sirius. “See you later, alligator.”

Sirius shakes with suppressed laughter for a moment until the voiceover starts again. “What time do you wake up in the morning?�� Marlene asks. “Practice starts pretty early.”

“Sirius wakes up earlier than I do, but we don’t get out of bed until seven-ish,” Remus says, sounding far more awake than he did in the video. “We try to aim for eight hours of sleep, but that doesn’t always happen.”

“How important is your bedroom?”

Sunlight streams through the cracks in the blinds at six am, lighting up Remus’ face on one side as Sirius starts to wake up. He pauses with a smile and runs his thumb along Remus’ cheek before kissing his forehead and settling onto his back.

“Our bedroom is really important,” Sirius answers. “It’s a safe space where there’s no pressure to do anything and we can just be ourselves.”

Remus smacks his alarm at six-thirty and starts sitting up, only for Sirius to wrap all four limbs around him and drag him back down for more cuddles; Remus laughs, but happily obliges. The camera cuts out just as they start getting out of bed half an hour later.

“Thanks for answering my questions,” Marlene says with a grin. “I gotta say, I’m looking forward to the sleep talking.”

“It’s so funny,” Sirius snickers.

Remus rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling. “Yeah, yeah, alright. Exploit me in my most vulnerable state, why don’t you?”

 Couple Number 4: Pascal and Celeste Dumais

“We have been married for fifteen years,” Dumo says as the video begins.

Celeste is already out cold in the bed while he tiptoes around their bedroom, sliding in next to her as quietly as possible; she smiles in her sleep and scoots over to lay her head on his shoulder. It’s clearly a comfortable place for them—the walls are a warm beige and a colorful quilt lays heavy across the sheets.

“Do you sleep well?”

“Sometimes,” Celeste says. “We sleep better now that the kids are older, but I wake up a lot in the middle of the night because I still worry about them.”

“How many hours of sleep do you think you get?”

“Oh, probably seven? I go to bed early, though.”

“I get a steady six to eight,” Dumo says.

“Do you sleepwalk or talk?”

Celeste laughs as Dumo groans. “He used to sleepwalk, but after the kids were born there wasn’t enough consistent sleep to do it anymore.”

In the dark of their bedroom, Dumo moves around quite a lot—he rolls onto his back, then his side, then curls around Celeste, then lays a little bit sideways before she quietly shushes him just past 3 am and puts her hand on his chest. He sighs and leans his head against hers with a drowsy half-smile.

“Do you cuddle?” Marlene asks.

“Sometimes,” Dumo says. “Though we’ve been together for so long that we don’t really have to. I always know where she is.”

“That’s adorable,” Marlene says at the same time Celeste makes a soft sound of affection. “What time do you wake up?”

There is one window in their bedroom, high on the western wall, that shows the slowly-lightening sky. When the clock strikes six, both of them stretch and roll onto their backs, though they stay close enough to share body heat as Dumo combs his fingers through Celeste’s long hair.

“Around six. It’s easier to get up early now that we’re older,” Dumo says. “Besides, the kids don’t get up until later, so we finally get some time to ourselves.”

“Bonjour, mon amour,” Celeste murmurs in the video with a sleepy smile, pressing kisses to Dumo’s cheek. “Hmm, je t’aime.”

“Je t’aime, ma jolie chérie.”

The video returns to the studio after that; Dumo and Celeste hold hands while they talk, and Marlene puts away her notecards with a smile. “Thank you for agreeing to do this, it means a lot. We tried to get a variety of different couples for this and I’m sure the video will turn out great.”

“Ne rien. Good luck with filming!”

A final title card appears. Thanks for watching, Lions! Be sure to like and subscribe for more content.

[tobiosmilktea]

casual catastrophes — sakusa kiyoomi

2.6k words | genre/s: uni!au, fluff | warning/s: kinda nsfw (i tried lol) | pairing: sakusa x f!reader

↪︎ in which his jealous actions spoke louder than his words

a/n: request for @study-milk, sorry for the long wait! i still hope you enjoy it overall

also i cant write smut for shit so i turned it into something poetic instead LMAO like honestly i have no idea how people write this so casually i couldn’t stop laughing the entire time

you were an untamed disarray in the morning. you looked at the world through a lens of thunderous fatigue as you finally managed to get some sleep in the past couple of days of nonstop assignments and projects. you loathed the hour at which you were forced to wake, from the tweeting of morning songbirds to the chattering of voice of the morning news droning through the placid dewy air of the new day.

your slender fingers slithered through your knotted hair, pulling the linen sheets of of you as you groaned honey through your teeth. you stretched up high until you could practically touch the clouds through the tips of your fingers until it lulled you awake rather than knee-jerk movements of the daily routine of getting out of bed. it was finally the weekend which meant no classes for a couple of days and you were eternally grateful. despite the short break between weeks being only two days, it was surely enough for you to have fun and relax, not to mention that your best friend had just arrived last night from travelling abroad.

you and your best friend, kaito, had been close ever since you had punched him square on the nose in elementary school after he made fun of you. you supposed that the impact had hurt him enough to think he would like to be best friends with you forever.

kaito had been on your side for as long as you could remember. you would always attend the same middle and high schools, helping you through your darkest days, your highest of highs, and even the lowest of lows. hell, kaito was even there for you when you were head over heels for sakusa. if anything, it was your best friend you had to thank for you to even be with sakusa kiyoomi in the first place. you two got together your second year of high school and have been going strong even now that you both were in your last year in university.

it was honestly quite the shame that you and kaito ended up following separate paths after graduating high school. you decided to stay in tokyo with sakusa while kaito travelling abroad and living his best life.

as if your body was on autopilot, you found yourself already making your way out of your shared bedroom of your shared apartment with sakusa, sighing to yourself as you gently shut the door behind you. following the sound of the television’s soft chattering from the small living room, you glanced upon your boyfriend making breakfast and cooking his morning away tot he smell of chamomile tea and eggs.

“morning,” he muttered, quickly flickering you a glance before focusing his attention back on the eggs. he was in the process of making yours and he was well aware of how picky you were with how your eggs were cooked.

“good morning,” you greeted with that smile he always liked seeing. you settled yourself atop one of the bar stools as you waited for him to finish, “we got visitors today.”

sakusa’s brows arch as he plated your breakfast and making his way towards you. “visitors? who? what time are they coming so i can clean properly?”

you shook your head with a light chuckle left your lips, “you don’t have to do that, you know as i think you know who’s coming.” you say, thanking the boy before you as you stabbed your fork into your eggs. “besides, we’re probably going out to hangout.”

a hum of acknowledgement emitted from sakusa as you could’ve swore he made a strange look when you mentioned visitors. you didn’t even mention kaito’s name, but you knew that he knew who you were talking about.

shaking the thought out of your head, you and your boyfriend ate breakfast in the serene silence. your eyes hadn’t even meet each other as your gazes were both locked upon the television screen.

sakusa found himself waiting, sitting on one of the bar stools at some random pub in downtown tokyo that you had dragged him to in order to meet kaito. he let out an inaudible sigh as he pulled his white face mask higher up on the bridge of his nose as he watched your honey drenched eyes scan the crowds every five minutes.

sakusa had a terrible habit of staring at you in the midst of the silence between you two. he often thought of his gazes to be of a nuisance, but he was well aware that you would’ve called him out on it if you truly found it annoying. trust me, he learned this the hard way when you two first started dating. if anything, he took it to his own advantage to memorize every feature upon your face. the volleyball player’s face seemed to light up the same way yours did as your eyes widened at the sight before you—kaito and a friend of who decided to tag along.

“kaito!” you called out to her best friend, pulling sakusa from his trance and towards the arriving pair.

“feels like i haven’t seen you in eons, (y/n).” kaito laughs as he pulls you into a tight hug. sakusa’s eyes flickered down to how dangerously close your friend’s hands were wrapped around you.

a curt smile melted upon your lips, “well, this is the longest we’ve been apart.”

“true, but i’m honestly surprised you haven’t gone insane without me keeping you in check all the time.” jests kaito, a tone lacing his words with a raised brow upon his face.

you scoff, “as if! i though your expected between from me.” you mused before gesturing to your boyfriend that your best friend had failed to even greet, “besides, sakusa has taken over that job.”

it was then kaito had finally nodded towards the masked individual as you were too occupied introducing yourself to kaito’s plus one. eventually the four of you found yourselves sitting on the bar stools in a row, with you being in the middle of kaito and sakusa.

with only two hours into the night, numerous topics had already been talked about—mostly between you an kaito as they were of reminiscent memoirs that refused to wither into oblivion or stories of his travels.

“so when are you leaving japan?” you asked, casually sipping on your cocktail.

a hum of thought emitted from kaito as his eyes focused on his glass, “in two weeks, i think.”

“where to?”

“probably australia and new zealand,” kaito answers between sips of his drinks, “so far, i’ve been to most of the continents besides australia, so i’ll most likely spend a month in each country.”

a light chuckle escaped from your lips, “must be nice.” you commented, suddenly feeling a large, warm hair grip at your thigh. eyes widening slightly, you look back towards sakusa whose face mask was resting below his chin in order to take a sip of his drink. he wasn’t even looking at you, but his grip on your thigh tightened. you squeezed his hand back.

your best friend downed the rest of his drink, his breath finally catching up to him as he felt a pair of eyes staring holds into his skull. he decides to shake it off, “well, i’m just really fortunate enough to have a job that lets me travel. maybe once you graduate you can come with me and travel for a couple months.”

it was then sakusa wove his fingers though yours and gripped your hand tightly. as if he was suddenly afraid to let go, he rudely cleared his throat as he downed a shot.

“besides,” kaito continues his ramblings without noticing any of sakusa’s tense actions towards you. “i was supposed to go on that australia trip right now, but i decided to stop by japan cause i wanted to see you before i leave again. couldn’t last another couple of months without seeing your ugly face.”

a playful scoff emits from you, rolling your eyes. “dickhead.”

“oh, come on, i know you miss me.” he teases, his hand raising to possible touch your face, but before he could do so, sakusa swiftly pulls your face away to quickly peck you on the lips.

“sakusa?” you muttered upon his soft lips as you pull away.

he cleared his throat, “sorry that i interrupted, but it’s getting late and i just remembered that atsumu asked for our help for his move.”

that was a lie. sakusa quickly made it up as he couldn’t bear for his anger and jealousy to brew within him for any longer as he would physically combust if he were. 

“really?” you questioned as confusion rang over your face.

sakusa nods, “yeah, he texted us earlier this morning, remember?”

you tilted you head slightly, trying to recall the memory but failing to do so. but it wasn’t like you questioned it any further as it was probably lost in the busy saturday endeavors of cleaning up around the house that it possibly flew over your head. besides, it was sakusa who usually remembered this types of things so you trusted his judgement.

“oh,” you sigh, looking over to kaito and giving him a pitiful look. “sorry we had to cut tonight short, kaito. maybe next time we can hang out for longer.”

“don’t worry about, (y/n). there’s always next time” your best friend waves his hand as if to say it wasn’t a big deal. he watched as you hopped off the bar stool and gathered your things, “oh here, let me walk you guys out.”

kaito, along with his tag along left their seats at the bar as well and followed you and sakusa out. your best friend noticed the way your boyfriend was tensed with his arm draped affectionately over your shoulders. kaito’s brows slightly furrow as he looked at the sight before him. jealous, he thought as he feigned a laugh. being the germaphobe he is, he was well aware that this was super out of character for sakusa and it was all because of kaito. perhaps there was a smug look on your best friends face that immediately dissipated the moment you all stepped out into the cold night air.

“i swear it got colder,” you mumbled as a cheeky idea popped inside kaito’s head. perhaps he would do you a favor as he was aware of how stressed you had been in the past week, maybe if he pushed a couple more of sakusa’s buttons that you would be in for a treat.

“here, let me give you my coat.” kaito was in the midst of taking his jacket off his shoulders when sakusa had already place his own coat over your shoulders in one swift movement.

the tall volleyball player flickered a look over his shoulder, giving a harsh glance towards your best friend. “i got it, thanks. we’ll be leaving now.”

“bye, kaito!” was the last thing you said to your best friend before you and sakusa walked towards his car.

you hadn’t expected the night to end like this—stark naked under the pale moonlight that bled through the windows of your apartment, laying beneath sakusa who was in the process of taking his shirt off.

all you knew was that this was entirely sparked off his stupid jealousy towards kaito for no reason whatsoever. the thing is, the only reason why you knew was of all the backhanded comments sakusa had made on the car ride home after he had locked the car doors and confessed that helping atsumu was a lie. that having you alone and all his was the only reason why he wanted to leave the pub so badly, to have you in his arms and in his embrace, to feel your skin against his. whatever jealousy he experienced earlier in the night, he wanted it to disappear once he showed you that you were his.

you tried to be indifferent about it. that his uncalled for actions wouldn’t let him succeed in having him take you, but your senses seemed to swell and pulse against your skin at each waking moment that passed. you did end up melting into his arms as he carried you to the bedroom.

he knew you so well that he was aware that the moment his lips touched your neck, all of your defiance would deteriorate. he knew that just a few light brushes and strategically placed touches against your skin would do all of his bidding without much thought.

sakusa sighed into your lips and that burst of serendipitous spark of lust and desperation radiated throughout your bodies. as if all of his rising envious antics melted away, withering along with everything else in the world—the sounds, the questionable best friends, the alcohol coursing through your veins—it dissolved into nothing but you and him.

all of sakusa attention was on you and you only. nothing else in the world would break him out of his trance of love and infatuation for you as he savored the familiar taste of your lips.

you clutched at him with the aching of fervor and reincarnation. you yearned for his touch, clinging to his shoulders, pulling at his hair, and wrapping your legs around his hips to drag him harder into you.

sakusa kissed his way down your neck, to your collarbones and eventually down to your breasts as the deep growl that emitted from his lips lit your skin on fire. he breathed vehemence and desire as he adjusted himself in front of your entrance, watching as there was some sort of unwavering and steadfast hunger and avidity that melted over his face. 

you let out a moan as he stretched you out, the sound bouncing off the walls as he didn’t even hesitate and let you adjust. you held onto his shoulders tightly at each of his movements, all strong and powerful at each buck of his hips. there was an ignited salacity in you and sakusa’s tangled greed of limbs and skin had pressed together. 

your nails dug into his skin, hoping it would leave marks for his friends to see due to your boyfriend’s guttural sounds of pleasure. even the lewd whimpers leaving your lips caused sakusa to make his movements harsher and deeper, for his lovebites to darken upon your innocently clean neck, and to his hands leaving red marks from his grip on your thighs.

you both hoped your marks for each other would last for days. as if they were the reminders of the night a casual catastrophe of jealousy eminent in your love was something you both could memorize the reminders for days. that instead of you remembering the fun memories of your antics with kaito, you instead remembered the way sakusa looked beneath the blue hues of the midnight stars. of how he looked absolutely breathtaking by the moon’s silhouette.

to remember the taste of lust and ardor, of the way his lips tasted, of the way his body felt pressed up against yours. it was truly something to remember as the only reason why you and sakusa were nearing each other’s edges was all because of kaito himself. the man who set you two up in the first place and the man who purposely made sakusa jealous just because you were stressed, kaito was aware that your boyfriend was the only one who could make you feel like this. to unravel and have you in a trembling mess under his own body, you had dragged him with the tide of pleasure with the sudden downpour of mumbled ‘i love you’ was muffled against each other’s bodies.

your phone then buzzed on your bedside table once you both rode out your highs:

from: kaito :))

hope you had fun tonight, homie, i did the best i can ;)

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 5x01- Previously on...

Welcome back!! I’m so excited to be writing one of these again. I think this hiatus has been the longest I’ve gone without new Diane Lockhart content in ten years, and it sure feels like it. A lot of important stuff has happened in the time since TGF season four ended (not concluded—ended). Most notably, CBS All Access became Paramount+ and suddenly started offering a lot of content I care about! I kid. 2020 was quite an eventful year, so I was curious how television’s most topical show was going to take it on. TGF is always forward-looking, but too much happened in 2020 to be ignored. And while I didn’t think TGF would have much to say about the pandemic, it seemed impossible to imagine a season five that pretended it never happened. Going into this premiere, I was expecting that they’d either skip COVID entirely or include very few references, but after seeing this episode, I feel like the writers took the only approach that made sense. And that is why they are the writers, and I'm just some girl on the internet who writes recaps.  

Anyway, before I dive into the episode, I should also note that my pandemic boredom spurred me to actually pay $30 to watch this episode early as part of the virtual ATX Festival. Yes, I paid $30 on top of the money I spend every month on Paramount+ for this show. But I write tens of thousands of words about each TGF episode—are my priorities really that surprising? I note this not to brag or even to poke fun at myself, but because watching the episode before I knew a single thing about it (not even the title!) completely changed my viewing experience. I’ve never had an experience like this with TGW or TGF. I’m one to search for critics tweeting cryptically about screeners and refresh sites looking for background extras (haven’t done this in the TGF era, though) and read every single piece of press I can find. For any big episode, I usually know the outline of what to expect going in (I even knew about Will before the episode aired in the US!). Not this one! So, I got to be surprised, and I had to—gasp—formulate my own opinions before I knew what anyone else thought! It was really pleasant, actually. I think the structure of the episode worked extremely well for me because it caught me by surprise... and also because I’m the kind of person who somehow managed to write a college paper about Previously On sequences.

I see Tumblr has made it so that “keep reading” expands the post in your dash instead of opening a new tab. I absolutely hate this. Here is a link to the post you can click instead of the keep reading button! 

The ATX stream started mid-sentence, meaning I missed the “Previously On... 2020...” title card and skipped right to Adrian saying “I’m retiring.” It was pretty easy to pick up on the device (the directness of the scenes at the start, their cadence, and their placement in the episode made it clear this was meant to mimic a Previously) but the second title card hit way harder because... well, I had no idea if this was meant to be 2020 or some moment outside of real time until a bit later in the episode.  

Man, before I get any farther into this, two things that I don’t know where else to put. First, this episode had to cover so much ground. They had to write out both Adrian and Lucca—more on that later--, figure out how to deal with all of 2020, figure out how to either wrap up or continue all the truncated season 4 plotlines, and set the stage for a new season... in 50 minutes.  

Second, just wanna shout out the Kings’ other Paramout+ show, Evil, which you should absolutely be watching even if you hate horror. Evil is a Kings show, so it is unsurprisingly topical (sometimes evil takes the form of racism or misogyny or Scott Rudin) and at times very, very funny. I would be recapping it if Paramount+ weren’t attacking me personally by airing it at the same time as TGF. Ever hear of too much of a good thing, people?! (On that note, I am VERY upset with myself for not having made a Good vs Evil joke about the Good shows and Evil. I didn’t even think about it until Robert King made the joke on Twitter, and it was right fucking there. How did I fail so miserably?!)  

So STR Laurie, who wants a 20% downsizing, is still a thing. Noted.

This scene with Landau is the only one in this previously that is actually old footage, right?  

Unexpected Margo Martindale! Yay! (Ruth Eastman is a character who is so much more effective on Fight than she was on Wife and I’m quite glad they’ve had her appear on Fight several times. It kind of redeems season seven. Kind of.)

I don’t think the writers intentionally chose for Adrian’s book deal to be with Simon & Schuster because it is the most politically fraught publisher (the number of stories about controversial memoirs they’ve picked up in 2021 alone...) but I kind of like that Adrian’s Road Not Taken involves S&S. My guess is they chose S&S because it is owned by ViacomCBS.  

“Years ago, I wanted to create a law firm run entirely by women, but it never worked out. So, why not now?” Diane says to Liz. One of the advantages of having twelve (!!!) seasons of Diane Lockhart is that we’ve seen what she’s talking about. And we’ve seen her put this idea forward multiple times, too. I have my reservations about Diane’s brand of feminism, and I’ll say more about how fraught a Diane/Liz firm would be as the show explores the potential issues there, but on the surface I’m kind of excited about the prospect of a Diane/Liz led firm. Diane has wanted this for ages, Liz is a good partner, and this actually makes sense (unlike the nonsensical Diane/Alicia alliance of late season seven, where the only rationale was “well, Alicia needs to betray Diane in the finale, but they’re not on good terms. So maybe we make them business partners so then the betrayal stings more?”). Plus I fully love that Diane would end up running a firm with Alicia’s law school rival.

(Has TGF mentioned that Liz and Alicia were law school rivals? No. Am I still clinging on to that as a large part of Liz’s character? ABSOLUTELY.)

Julius is on trial for Memo 618 reasons; Diane is defending him. So this is still happening. (There’s more old footage here.)  

Do they put these references to one/two party consent in these episodes as a wink at the fans? It has to be intentional. (Please do not ask me what the actual law is on this, this show has thoroughly confused me.)  

I knew Cush was filming stuff for TGF, but I didn’t know it was for the premiere. She was just posting about it a few weeks ago, so either they shot a lot of it right before air or she posted a while after filming. Anyway, yay Lucca!  

Bianca’s still around. And, TGF gets to shoot New York for New York, since Bianca is there. I do wish TGF could do more location shoots; there’s something about seeing an actual skyline that feels more real.  

Bianca wants Lucca, who has never been outside of the country (except to St. Lucia, as Bianca reminds her) to go to London and buy her a resort. It’s supposed to be a three week stay and Bianca’s already arranged childcare. Speaking of children, because of COVID and filming constraints, that’s Cush’s real kid in this scene! You can’t really see him, but I recognized his curly hair from Cush’s Instagram, and the Kings confirmed in an interview.  

Adrian wants to write a book about police brutality cases he’s worked on. Ruth very much does not want him to write that book. She wants him to write a book without substance about how white people and black people can work together. He, understandably, has no interest in writing this book. (Also, you can see in the background that Ruth doesn’t think Biden’s odds of winning the Democratic primary are good—there is a big down arrow next to his picture, which definitely dates this scene.)

Oh, David Lee is in this episode. He acts like an asshole towards Marissa when she’s trying to help him.  

Marissa, not happy with the lack of respect, calls Lucca for advice “for a friend.” Lucca mentions she’s in London and Marissa does not believe her and keeps going on and on about her frustrations and her new desire to become a lawyer—quickly.  

Marissa wanting to become a lawyer because she “hates being talked down to” is not a plot I would’ve expected but it’s also one that makes a lot of sense. I think Marissa’s used to being respected and praised even when she’s doing things that aren’t glamorous, so I see how she’d get very restless when she’s no longer outperforming expectations and is instead taken for granted.  

Bells toll in the background on Lucca’s side and Marissa asks where she is. Lucca again notes she’s in London and Marissa still doesn’t believe her.

I’m going to miss Lucca so much, especially since we’ll also be losing a lot of the Millennial Friendship scenes with her. Cush is fantastic (even if she never really got enough to do here) and she plays so well off of the rest of the cast. I even sometimes liked the writing for Maia (who?) when she had scenes with Lucca, Lucca is that good.  

Jay wakes up sweating and unable to breathe, so he deliriously calls his father-figure Adrian. This whole scene is shot like something out of Evil and (I’m getting ahead of myself here) this plot is the only thing about this episode I felt was a misstep.  

“I think you’re my father,” Jay says to Adrian. Heh, I didn’t catch this line the first time around (maybe subliminally I did, since I just called Adrian his father figure lol) but I love that it is included here. Adrian and Jay’s relationship definitely deserves a goodbye.

Adrian calls an ambulance and also gets to Jay before the ambulance somehow. Adrian notes that Jay might have “this thing from China” and... we’re doing the pandemic, y’all. (Minor nitpick: on March 13th, 2020, when this scene is dated, COVID was not “this thing from China”-- we were all aware of it. March 11th was the day Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson announced they’d tested positive and the NBA shut down and travel was restricted and every single brand that had my email sent me a message about their plans and measures. March 12th was the last time I was in my office, and we’d been getting emails telling us to wash our hands and prepare to work remotely for weeks. I went to San Francisco in mid-late February and distinctly remember deciding to leave a burrito unattended on a table while I washed my hands because I was paranoid about COVID... and then I remember making a specific trip to Walgreens to buy hand sanitizer so that didn’t happen again. My point is, Adrian lives in the same world I do. On March 13th 2020, he would not be treating COVID like it was some new thing he’d vaguely heard of.)  

(I am going to nitpick this timeline, but please know that I’m only doing it because I can, not because I think it’s necessarily a bad choice. Lines like this do feel a little forced, but I see the reason for introducing COVID as something new rather than going for the line that’s exactly historically accurate. I also am pretty sure there are references to dates in March/April in s4 of TGF that are now going to be contradicted by this episode, but I truly do not care. The writers get a pass on this one.)  

We skip slightly back in time to the beginning of March after the MARCH 13TH title card, or maybe this is supposed to be after March 13th and my own memories are preventing me from believing these face-to-face interactions were happening. Who knows.

Michael Bloomberg is... here, again, I guess? He asks Diane to assist with a Supreme Court case about gun control. I guess it does add some weight to the plot and make the stakes feel higher.  

Oh hey, this case is the 7x17 case!!!! Love that continuity.  

Diane and Adrian are both at the office late, working, and there is an unnecessary split screen that feels even more unnecessary when you consider that the editing alone was enough to create the parallel.  

Diane and Adrian have a nice convo (which I’ll really miss, their dynamic is great and this really feels like a successful partnership) as they wait for the elevator. When the elevator dings, they nearly tumble down into nothingness because... the elevator never came. Apparently this is a reference to an law old show I’ve never seen that killed off a character this way, and it’s meant to be a wink at how they are not going to kill off Adrian.

I do not know why I remember this, but I do: after they killed off Will, a critic (Noel Murray; I just googled to confirm my memory) who didn’t want to spoil things tweeted, “Exactly 23 years and 2 days ago, Rosalind Shays fell down an elevator shaft.” Please tell me why I remember this reference that I didn’t even understand well enough to have tracked down the original tweet in under a minute. (https://twitter.com/NoelMu/status/447942456827326464)  

Back on this show, Diane and Adrian share a drink and talk about their wishes. Diane wants to argue in front of the Supreme Court, and Adrian encourages her to speak up. His own near-death experience motivates him to trash the book Ruth has him writing, and Diane trashes the (bad) legal strategy someone else prepared for the Supreme Court.

DIANE IS WEARING JEANS!!!!!! Tbh, I think my favorite part of this episode is how many slice-of-life scenes and settings we get. These are always my favorite moments. I love the satirical and political stuff too, but the character moments are what get me invested enough to write these. (Yes, Diane in jeans constitutes a character moment.)  

Diane tells Bloomberg she wants to be involved and advocates for herself. Kurt gets a call on their landline (hahaha) from Adrian.

God, I love Diane and Kurt. Not only is their banter fun, you can just see a different, more relaxed side of Diane in these scenes. Diane tells Kurt she has good news for herself, but bad news for him since she’s arguing for gun control. She asks him to help her prep for court, too.  

So this is before Jay is rushed to the hospital, because now we are back at the hospital with Julius, Diane, and Marissa. I do not believe any of these people would be setting foot in a hospital like it’s any other day on March 13th, 2020. But I'm trying not to nitpick.

I get why they chose to give Jay a rather severe case of COVID. I just don’t get literally anything else that follows from the initial shock of Jay having COVID.  

I see why the writers chose March 20th (the actual Illinois stay at home order) as the next date for this timeline. I still do not believe that people were in this particular office on that date.  

You know what else I don’t believe? That RBL just shut down for two weeks and was like, no work is being done. Did law firms really do this? I can believe it if it’s an excuse to cost-cut, and I know there were massive layoffs, but this seems... really weird???  

Why are they setting up a teleconferencing infrastructure (didn’t they have one at LG? In season five?) if they are not planning to do work?  

Lol Diane explains what Zoom is, very slowly. She asks everyone to “download a program called Zoom.com” which is one of the first Zoom jokes I’ve chuckled at in a while.  

Marissa is not happy to hear that there’s no work for her in a work-remote world (this I believe 100%), so she calls Lucca again with more questions about law school.

Love these NYC and London location shots. Wish they could do that for Chicago.

Lucca asks Bianca to help get Marissa into a law school, fast, and Bianca tells Lucca to use her name... then offers her a job.

Marissa is at the office, alone, boxing up her things, when one of the office phones rings with some dude offering her a spot in a law school class. I guess we are really all-in on this! (Why would Lucca have given a firm phone number not specific to Marissa, though?)

Adrian and his corrupt girlfriend decide to shelter in place together. I still do not understand why he is okay with her being corrupt. I also don’t really understand why they’re going from talking about sheltering-in-place to George Floyd. How did we just skip from late March to late May? Are Adrian and corrupt gf having a conversation about sheltering-in-place two months into sheltering in place?  

Okay, I am not doing so good at this no-nitpicking thing. Again, I understand why they need to merge several scenes into one to keep things moving. And I guess they could just be getting around to this conversation.

I’m going to nitpick again, I can’t help myself. How did we just go from a scene of Adrian specifically talking about sheltering in place to a scene of Adrian bursting into a bustling and maskless DNC headquarters room? How!? The only masks in this scene are on TV!! There are like ten people in this scene!  

Anyway, more importantly, Adrian tells Ruth off and screams at her that she needs to listen to him instead of acting like she knows the way forward. He is completely right.  

Why is travel from London closing down in May 2020? Is it because this scene is supposed to be at a different place in the episode? Liz is asking Lucca to come back home from her three week stay in London (which has now lasted three months but travel is just now closing down), and Lucca’s hesitant to come home.

This is all happening via Zoom, btw. Lucca’s in her hotel, Diane and Adrian are at their respective homes, and Liz is in the office. All of this feels right. There is a chat off to the side of the screen where you can see Adrian and the others discussing how to unmute on Zoom. Very real. Though probably not very real in late May 2020. Feels more like April. I am convinced this scene got spliced in later to help the episode flow because everything in this scene (except the TV footage that definitely was added later) feels like it should be happening in the March section.  

Lucca mentions that Bianca offered her a job, and at this point we as viewers know how things are going to go—Lucca's going to end up taking it. Liz types in the Zoom chat that they don’t want to lose Lucca. When Lucca tells them how much Bianca’s offering ($500k/year, go Lucca!), Diane types “Shit.” into the chat. “Shit’s right,” Liz replies. “Yes... What should our counter be?” Diane replies. Lucca is kind enough to point out the messages are not private (again, this feels like March not May) but I think knowing that their reaction to topping $500k is “shit” tells her all she needs to know.  

Diane’s background still says that RBL is a division of STR Laurie. Weird how little we are hearing about the overlords except the 20% staff cut.  

Liz and Adrian chat and decide the only way to keep Lucca is to make her a partner. Which, yeah, if you’d just made her a partner years ago when you told her she was in the running for partner and then offered it to fucking MAIA, maybe she wouldn’t be considering Bianca’s offer. Lucca is definitely one of RBL’s stars, and I don’t think she’s wrong to feel like they don’t value her enough. They treat her well enough to be upset about losing her, but not well enough to have already made her partner and not well enough to actually give her authority (even though she runs a whole department). I’d be pretty unhappy too. It kind of feels sometimes like they take her for granted, and I don’t know that Lucca is one to feel like she owes a company anything. She’s more of an “I’m out for myself” type.  

Madeline and the other partner we’ve seen a few times who isn’t Liz/Diane/Adrian, walk into the office (wearing masks! Which they take off as soon as they enter a room with Liz! Without asking her if she is okay with this! TV logic!) and ask who is replacing Adrian. They think this is a good time to reevaluate having a white name partner of an African American firm, and they are spot on. Liz tries to deflect, noting that Diane is already a name partner and was before Liz even joined, but Madeline and other partner (whose name I really wish they would say so I can stop calling him “other partner”) won’t let up. Their position is that Diane shouldn’t have been made a name partner then—all she did was bring in ChumHum, an account that quickly left the firm. Good point.  

“What is this firm if it’s not African American? It’s just another midsized all-service Midwestern law firm, one of 50,” Madeline argues. The other partner says Liz needs to remove Diane and promote two African Americans to name partner. Liz laughs and asks if they mean themselves. Madeline does not—she's concerned about the number of black associates they’re letting go. Liz heads out, but this conversation is very much ongoing.

And I think it’s a very interesting dilemma! There’s a lot of mileage the writers can get out of this, because I don’t think there’s a right answer or a wrong one. It’s all about what Liz decides she wants the future of the firm to be. If Liz chooses Diane, she might be choosing something that works for her personally or that she thinks is a safer financial bet—but she’ll be choosing to work at a firm that can no longer be thought of as a black firm, and she’ll be choosing to move away from her father’s vision for the firm. And since the plot hinges on what Liz will decide rather than what’s objectively the right path forward, there’s a lot of interesting tension there I can’t wait to see.  

(My favorite thing about Adrian leaving is that Liz will likely get more to do, especially when it comes to managing the firm. Adrian tends to speak up first, but Liz is more than capable of managing without him and I’m so excited to see what she does when her ex-husband isn’t constantly talking over her.)  

Marissa and Lucca video chat with Jay. He’s still in the hospital. One thing that bugs me about how this episode handles COVID is that I never really get the sense that any of the characters are particularly afraid of the virus. Maybe none of them were. But you’d think you’d see a little of that fear, the weird dance of trying to assess others’ comfort levels with masking, etc., in an ep specifically about living through this time. ESPECIALLY since someone they all know and are close to has been hospitalized for MONTHS with this thing! It’s just so weird to go from a scene where people wear masks until they come in contact with other people (when masks matter the most) to a scene of someone in the hospital with COVID.  

And now Jay’s weird hallucinations start as his battery dies on the video chat. I really, truly, hated these hallucinations. I was ready to be done with these from the second they started. They’re weirdly shot, they go on for too long, and they feel like the clunkiest parts of Mind’s Eye when Alicia starts having a debate in her mind about atheism mixed with the (far superior) hospital episode of Evil.  

I don’t have much to say about these hallucinations except that I hated them a lot. When there’s the reveal that Jay is hallucinating a commerical, I almost came around on the hallucinations because that’s kind of funny and inspired. And then several more hallucinations popped up and they had a round table and Jesus got added to the mix and I was like, nope, this is bad in a very uninteresting way. I reject this.  

I feel like the Kings didn’t have much to say about COVID, the actual virus. This episode is definitely more about what the characters’ lives were like during COVID and not the pandemic itself. I think they likely got a lot of their COVID commentary out of their system with their zombie COVID show The Bite (I have not seen The Bite due to it airing on Spectrum On Demand, which I have no way of accessing. Like, I would have to move and then decide to pay for cable in order to watch it.) I also suspect a lot of their commentary on COVID isn’t going to be specific to the virus and is instead going to be about things like mask-wearing and vaccinations becoming political. And, really, that’s just a new variation on talking about polarization... and they’ve been talking about polarization for years.

In fact, they even wrote a whole series about an outbreak of a (space-bug-spread) virus that caused political polarization before Trump was even elected. BrainDead is basically commentary on the pandemic before the pandemic even happened. Soooooo I get why they are more interested in recapping 2020 than in doing a Very Special Episode about themes they’ve been talking about for years. (I still think they would’ve benefitted from at least one character being afraid of getting sick or getting their family sick.)  

There is likely some interesting content in these Jay hallucinations. I hate them so much I cannot find it. You know when you’re just on a completely different wavelength than the writers? This is an example of that.  

Also I’m not a fan of the shadowy directing. I think this is meant to look cooler than it does.  

Have I mentioned yet that I absolutely love the “Previously On” device for this episode? It’s such a fun, propulsive way to get through the slog of 2020. Scenes can be short and to the point, and each scene has to do a lot of lifting to fill in the gaps. I think that leads to scenes that are better constructed and telling on lots of levels—where are people when they’re quarantined? Who’s wearing casual clothes and when? What about this scene defines this character’s life at that moment in time?  

Bizarrely, even though this episode is pretty much all plot (this happens! Then that!), I actually found this to be one of the most character-driven episodes TGF has ever done. There’s a lot of story, but most of that story is about how the characters reacted to 2020 rather than overarching plots that will weigh on the rest of the season. This episode covers a lot of ground, but it does it with character moments that resonate.  

Now it’s July and Diane’s prepping to argue in front of the Supreme Court. Kurt’s helping her witness prep and it gets a little personal... and that ends up turning Diane on. Good to see McHart hasn’t lost its spark. (Remember how Kurt cheated on Diane in season 7 of Wife? No, me neither, because that never happened.)  

Corrupt judge is back. Adrian playfully tries to distract her from work. Then he takes a video call from Liz, who updates him on the conversation she had with John (so that’s his name) and Madeline. I guess that part of May was close to July? Anyway, Adrian isn’t surprised to hear that people are upset at the prospect of Diane being one of two name partners.  

Liz is at the office in workout clothes and I love it!

They’re losing 15 black associates (and Adrian and Lucca) and 4 white ones, Liz says. This sounds like a very big problem. (I’d be curious to know what that is as a percentage of the firm and how the racial composition shifts.)

Liz knows it’s not exactly up to her if Diane stays on as name partner (the other partners get a vote, but I think Liz knows she has a lot of sway here). She’s also wondering if Biden could win, and if so, would it be to the firm’s advantage to be black-owned? Interesting.  

“Well. If you’re thinking it, then Diane’s thinking it, too,” Adrian says. He’s right. “White guilt. It runs verrrrry deep on that one, huh?” Ha. He is right about that, too. I actually can’t decide which of these interpretations is correct, because it could be either even though they seem contradictory. (1) Is Adrian saying it with a hint of mockery because he knows Diane will fight for her partnership even as she would say she’s a huge supporter of black businesses? (2) Is he saying it because he knows Diane would have enough white guilt to realize what her presence as a partner means and think through the implications? I think it is, somehow, a combination. I’m interested in this line because this whole dilemma (from Diane’s POV) is something that’s very familiar. Diane’s always been an idealist who will betray her ideals for personal gain. That sounds like an attack, but I mean that as neutrally as I possibly can. There are so many examples of this that this is kind of just a character trait of hers at this point. Usually those ideals are about feminism, but this situation seems closely related.  

Adrian overhears Corrupt GF talking about Julius, Diane, and Memo 618. You would think she would wait to have this conversation until there is no chance of Adrian overhearing, because if Adrian overhears, he might...

... do exactly what he proceeds to do and hop into a car with Diane to give her a heads up. (I think I’m just going to have to accept that the mask usage rule on this episode is “we use masks to show that the characters would wear them, but we don’t want to have scenes where characters are fully masked because that’s annoying.” If that’s not the rule, then why else would Adrian be masked outside... and then take off his mask as soon as he gets into a confined indoor space with Diane?  

Baranski looks ESPECIALLY like Taylor Swift in this scene.  

Adrian tells Diane what he knows. He dug deeper after overhearing Charlotte, so he has even more info. “If you tell me, I will use it,” Diane warns. Adrian knows that, so he takes a moment to decide. And he decides that he cares more about Diane and Julius than about his relationship with a corrupt judge.  

Diane and Julius are masked in court. Visitor and the judge are not. They use masking in a clever way in this scene: Diane uses being masked to her advantage because it means no one can possibly read her lips, so she can use the info Adrian fed her against Charlotte without any fear of spies. Charlotte, who is unmasked, guards her lips with a folder, as the Visitor watches interestedly.  

Diane convinces Charlotte to recuse herself. Charlotte says she’s making a mistake; Diane does not care.  

The new judge is, unfortunately, the idiot who doesn’t know anything about the law. Uh oh.

Charlotte decides she’s done sheltering in place with Adrian. He tries to talk through the conflict, but Charlotte says “You made your choice, Adrian. Julius Cain over me.”

“The choice was about right and wrong, Charlotte,” Adrian tries to explain. I mean, yeah, but if you’re dating a judge who has admitted she’s totally corrupt, didn’t right and wrong go out the window a while ago?

Adrian seems to think the other people involved in the events are bad and Charlotte is good. I am not convinced. I don’t think she’s the big bad, but I don’t think she’s good.  

Charlotte points out that he invaded her privacy. She is right about that. “You said the choice was between right and wrong. Turning over my emails was the choice,” she said. I get her POV. But also, she is corrupt.  

I do not like the way the part of the scene where Adrian physically restrains Charlotte to keep her from leaving is shot. I don’t think this is an abusive scene but I think it should’ve been shot from a little farther back so we could see it’s more like Adrian reaching out in desperation than trying to choke Charlotte. Because it very much looks like he is trying to choke Charlotte.  

He tells Charlotte he loves her. She says it’s too late and leaves. “Maybe you won’t be with me. But you keep down this path... you’ll be done, I’m telling you, you’ll be done.”

I think something that I’ve been missing in these interactions is that I didn’t quite realize until this scene that the Adrian/Charlotte dynamic is more interesting than Adrian liking a corrupt judge. I think he truly believes Charlotte is a good person who got caught up in some bad stuff, and that she can bounce back from it. I’ve always seen Charlotte as someone who is corrupt for herself and then ended up going along with the corruption of others, too, so I’ve dismissed her and the relationship. This is the first scene that has felt real to me, and the first scene where she’s felt like more than a caricature. Kind of sad it’s the last she’ll get with Adrian—now I’m actually starting to find her interesting. Notice how in these last few sentences I’ve used her name instead of “Corrupt GF”!  

Charlotte says she loved Adrian too, but that’s not enough. Awww.

He can’t really be surprised though, can he?  

Now it is August and we get to see Diane and Liz react to the announcement of Kamala Harris as Biden’s VP pick, and I would like to thank the writers for giving me the opportunity to see Diane and Liz react to this. It’s kind of fan-service, but it’s also a nice tie-in to the girl-power theme of the Diane/Liz alliance.

Diane and Liz realize that Adrian’s probably not a good candidate for 2024 if the DNC only wants one black candidate and Harris is the clear front-runner. Liz suggests keeping him on as partner instead, in a way that very much implies this would be her ideal solution. Diane, being Diane, says she was liking the idea of an all-female firm. Liz hesitantly says she was too, and Diane senses the hesitation.

“Let’s look again at which associates to fire. I’m worried we’re losing too many African Americans,” Diane switches the subject. How have they still not made this decision? If any employees know downsizing is coming, and they’ve had months to act on it, assuming there are jobs elsewhere, people would’ve been jumping ship by now.  

But that’s not the point of this scene. The point of this scene is that Liz corrects Diane: “Black. You can just say Black people.” Very nice moment underlining the tension. Diane means well, but she’s still acting like a white lady who doesn’t know how to act around black people... and she wants to (and, I guess, already does) run a black firm. Major yikes.  

Marissa and Lucca are talking again. Marissa does not want to be in law school—she just wants to be a lawyer. Lucca won’t accept Marissa’s refusal to memorize meaningless rules: “Marissa. I know that you know how to play the game, but you have to pass the bar to get into a position to play the game.” Why does this line make me love Lucca? This line isn’t even anything amazing. It’s just a line that cuts through the bullshit and makes a good point.  

Marissa keeps going, insulting all of her peers and teachers, and Lucca figures out how to cut through that, too: she tells Marissa that she’d hire her as a lawyer if she killed someone, but only if Marissa passes the bar. Marissa is instantly intrigued.  

“Why are you leaving here? I’ll miss you,” Marissa says.  

“Because they won’t pay me what I deserve,” Lucca says in a matter-of-fact tone. “Anyway, I thought they fired you.”  

“But they didn’t mean it. It’s like the smoothie place—they kept trying to fire me and I just kept showing up,” Marissa replies. That checks out. (Love the callback!)  

Lucca tries to get Marissa to come over to England. Marissa shuts that down as Lucca gets a news alert—and it’s not good news.  

Our next date is September 18th, 2020 and I will get my nitpicks out of the way up front! I don’t really know why it is daytime for Lucca when she reads the news, considering it was already the evening in the States when the RBG news broke. And, also, it was Rosh Hashanah, so Marissa probably would not have been sitting in her bedroom studying... she most likely would’ve been with family or friends. OK I’M DONE. FOR NOW.  

Diane is getting ready for her arguments in front of the Supreme Court. It’s almost time! She’s in casual clothes but has on a wonderful mask. She’s standing in front of Kurt’s guns to make a point (love that she’s using her video call background to her advantage) and there are several people in her bedroom getting the tech all set up. I have noted before that they only built one set for Diane’s apartment, and it’s just a massive bedroom. Diane choosing to be in front of the guns does a nice job of cutting off my question about why she’d be arguing in front of the Supreme Court from her bedroom rather than the home office she absolutely would have.  

Kurt walks in and tries to shake hands... he’s clearly not very COVID paranoid, and Diane seems to be, and... that’s something I might have wanted to see? How was Diane okay with Kurt taking risks that also affected her?

Diane confirms she intentionally chose to stand in front of the guns. That’s when Kurt gets the push notification. He pulls Diane into the bathroom to show her the news. He hands her his phone and Diane’s face falls. She starts tearing up. “2020 just won’t let go,” she says, speaking for us all.

Normally I hate things that are like, we’re going to contrive this so the news hits at the worst possible moment! This works for me, because the Supreme Court plot for Diane feels more like something that exists to be a through line for the episode. It would also be a little hard to work in RBG’s death as a main plot point—and it is definitely important enough to be a main plotpoint—if it didn’t also affect something in the world of the show.  

Also, another reason I like this contrivance is that it makes it all the more powerful when Diane says, “It’s over. He gets to nominate someone. Another Kavanaugh! We’ll have a conservative court for the next 20 years. My whole fucking life!” She’s not thinking about how this affects her case (and that case is basically a life-long dream for her). She is thinking about way bigger things, and knowing that her mind goes to the bigger things before the personal with news like this really underlines how big of a deal RBG’s death was.  

Diane tells Kurt, “I don’t deserve you. You don’t agree with me.” “I can still feel bad for you,” he responds. He holds her while she cries.

Jay’s hallucination thing is back. Now Karl Marx is here. So is Jesus. I’m so done with this. It’s nice to get a break from writing.

Malcolm X is also on the roundtable and now they’re talking over each other in that way that everyone on this show always does. (RK gave an interview about Evil where he said he likes having the children on that show talk over each other because he grew up in a household like that. I did not need to read that interview to understand that RK likes scenes where people talk over each other.)  

If anything happened in those hallucinations, I missed it, because I didn’t pause the episode. Because I do not care about the hallucinations. Because I hate them.

Now it’s November 2020... Diane’s watching election results and rocking back and forth. She tells Kurt he can go watch Fox News in the other room (so they do have more than one room!). He says he’s fine—he thinks Diane needs it more.  

“Yes, but Kurt, if you stay, I know this isn’t sensible, but... Trump seems to get more votes whenever you’re sitting on this couch,” Diane tells him. Ha, I relate to this kind of superstition so hard. “Are you serious?” Kurt says. “I am so deathly serious,” Diane responds. “Whenever you’re sitting here, Arizona goes for Trump. Humor me, please. Just go in the other room.”  

When Kurt tries to kiss her, she pulls away: “No, no, no. No kiss. If you kiss me, we’ll lose Georgia.” This scene feels so, so real and perfectly captures what it was like (at least for me, though I don’t have a Republican husband or anything) watching election results come in.  

“Uh, if you lose, we’ll be fine, right?” Kurt asks. “Kurt, let me just say this. I’m only saying that we won’t be fine so that the universe will grant me a win,” Diane responds. This scene is so fun and so good! It simultaneously captures a relatable mood, adds some levity, gives us a window into Diane’s life, and shows some of the tensions in her marriage?! I want this all the time!  

Kurt leaves the room. Diane pours more wine.

Later, with Diane still rocking back and forth with anxiety (just you wait for the several more days this will drag on!), Kurt brings in the champagne. “That was for when Hillary won. I can only drink it if Biden wins,” Diane protests. Did I also refuse to drink any celebratory alcohol until things were absolutely certain? No comment.  

“It’s odd you progressives resisted religion. You seem to have a hundred religions to take its place,” Kurt says, speaking on behalf of the writers’ room. (This joke doesn’t get written if the writers don’t believe this and probably even see it in themselves.)  

“Go away, Trump. I mean Kurt,” she shoos him away. Have I mentioned yet I love this scene?  

“Love me even if you lose?” he jokes (though I do wonder if this isn’t that joking? I think it is, but he keeps saying it!) as Diane gestures at him to get out.  

I could do without the joke about Diane’s heart on the TV for a couple reasons. One, it goes on too long. Two, I was very worried something would actually happen to Diane. You’d think that would make the scene feel more tense, but it does not, because it takes me out of the moment.

“Ok, God. You know I don’t believe in you. But I will believe in you if Joe Biden wins. I’m sorry. I know that that’s not what Jesus taught. There’s nothing in the New Testament that says, ‘Believe in me, and I’ll make sure your candidate wins,’ but I need Joe Biden to win. I’m sorry, God, but I just do. I need some faith.” This is a little much but... yeah. Also, is this the first time Diane’s flat out said she’s an atheist? I think it is, though I’ve assumed as much for quite a while.  

The next day in court, masks are no longer required if you’re a series regular and votes are still being counted. I remember those days. Marissa thought Diane was checking in on Jay... Diane was not. She was checking on vote counts.  

Apparently Jay’s finally being released from the hospital!

Bad news for Julius—the idiot judge finds him guilty of some nonsense charge and sentences him to seven years in prison.  

Diane says not to worry, and Julius asks “Why not?” Good point.

Then we have election results! We skip, specifically, to December 14th and the electoral college vote. I’m a little sad we skipped over the huge party that was November 7th, but I get why they’d rather keep things moving along. I think showing November 7th in an uncomplicated way would’ve just been too close to fanservice. But, man, what a day.  

Diane, in a red hoodie with leopard print that she somehow manages to still look classy in, is ready to pop champagne. Then she hears that on January 6th, a joint session of Congress will count the electoral votes and there might be a debate. “Nope. If I open it now, something bad will happen,” she reasons. “I’ve waited four years. I can wait another few weeks.”

It’s been almost a year and they’re still somehow negotiating with Lucca, but I understand why they’d space this out across the episode. Otherwise we’d have to say goodbye to Lucca in the first like, 15 mins of the episode and all those scenes would be in a row. I can forgive (and still nitpick) choices like this when the reasoning behind them seems sound.  

Adrian says they don’t want to lose Lucca. He, Liz, and Diane are all in the conference room, and they ask Lucca for a yes or no on their latest offer by the end of the call. Diane offers Lucca partner—she'll be the youngest partner in the firm’s history—and she’ll get a $500,000/year salary. Adrian tries to sell her on being part of American history by being part of the firm.

“We are a black firm, Lucca, and we need you,” Liz says with a lot of passion for someone who knows she might very well partner with Diane. Diane looks at Liz with a bit of suspicion at this, wondering if Liz is showing her cards.  

Lucca manages to make the wifi malfunction (or she gets very lucky) and uses the disconnection to call Bianca for a counteroffer, even though they said they needed a yes or no on the spot.  

“They used George Floyd because they want you for less. They have never appreciated you as much as I do. All those scars, all that time being taken for granted and undervalued has made you a fighter. It’s made you someone I now want,” Bianca tells Lucca. She gives Lucca a counter offer of $1.3 million and the title of CFO. Lucca takes it. Is there really another choice? (If she were concerned about loyalty to the firm and the partnership was what she wanted, she probably would've just taken it.)  

(Also, the partners can’t really act like Lucca is making history by being the youngest partner ever when they passed her over for partner two years earlier and offered it to Maia! To MAIA! Who had like three years of work experience! And yes I was fine with Alicia and Cary getting partnership offers with four years but, one, that was a scam, and two, Alicia and Cary actually worked. Oh, I see I still hate Maia with a passion. Back to THIS season...)

Lucca apologetically informs Marissa she’s leaving and the offer was just too good to turn down. I believe it. I also believe Lucca wants that job more. What has loyalty to RBL gotten her? She's someone so talented and good at her job that she just gets job offers from acquaintances all the time (starting with Alicia!). RBL appreciates her, but just enough to appease her while still undervaluing her. I don’t know that I would’ve believed a plot where Lucca actively job hunts, but I definitely believe this.

“Marissa, we don’t have to work together to be friends,” Lucca tells Marissa. I’m going to miss this so much. Why is this the best material Lucca’s gotten in ages?! I think one of the things that makes Lucca such a great character is that you can see why everyone instantly wants her on their team. She’s a fantastic friend (without giving too much of herself), she’s not a pushover, and she is incredibly sharp and able to get to the heart of any situation. I love her and I’m sad we won’t get to see more of her.  

(On that bit about friendship—I can’t write about Lucca’s departure without writing about the moment I realized just how great of a character Lucca was. It was in 7x13, when Alicia has her breakdown that’s seven seasons in the making... and Lucca supports her. But the writing, and Cush’s performance, never make it feel like Lucca exists to be a part of Alicia’s story. Lucca seems like her own fully formed person who happens to be supporting Alicia at this moment. I don’t think I can overstate how tough of a task it is to get me to care about the other person in a pivotal Alicia scene, especially when that other person was added to the cast in the final season and many suspected she’d just be a replacement for a different beloved character! Anyway, Lucca’s been great for years, and I’ll miss her.)  

Just when I thought I couldn’t hate the hallucinations more, we get a hint that they are going to continue: Jay sees one right after he learns that Marissa’s used her quarantine to start law school and he’s done nothing.  

Jay says he carries a gun now and it’s “performative.” I have no idea what that means and Marissa and Lucca don’t seem to, either.  

Another thing I like about Lucca’s final scene is that it isn’t rushed. We have time for all that, and also for Lucca to tell Marissa about the time she stole her breakfast sandwich, and for Marissa to react to it, and for Marissa to find Lucca’s Birkin bag, and for Lucca to tell Marissa to keep it, and for Marissa to react to that, and for Lucca to sappily say “think of me when you use it,” and for Marissa to nonsensically reply, “you think of me when I use it,” and there’s still a little bit more of the scene after that!  

Marissa’s silly line makes Lucca tear up. “God, I’m gonna miss you guys,” she says. “I’m gonna miss this. You make me smile. I didn’t smile much before you guys.” Awwwwwww. This is also so true to character! Her friendship with Alicia aside, Lucca’s definitely said before she’s not one to have friends (which is hilarious because she is, as I've said like 100 times, a fantastic friend and also just like, the coolest person??? Who wouldn’t want to be HER friend?!).  

She says she has to go because she’s getting too emotional and says goodbye. She’s also super sappy and when Marissa says, “you were the best,” she responds that they were the best TOGETHER! Awwwwwww.  

What a nice, fitting goodbye for Lucca. There’s no bad blood or fireworks—she just makes a change like a lot of people do. I’d like to think she’ll still be friends with Marissa and Jay after this. I don’t want too many Lucca references in future episodes, but I would really like it if we see Marissa and Jay update each other on the latest from Lucca, or if a scene begins with Marissa closing out an Instagram post from Lucca of her kid, or something. I wouldn’t want clues about what Lucca’s up to, but I’d love to see that she’s still a part of Marissa and Jay’s lives.

Now it is January 6th. Liz, Adrian, and Diane sit on the floor of the mostly empty office, watching TV coverage and drinking. It’s so relaxed it’s almost surreal, and it, like many other moments in this episode, feels like a slice of life. Everyone’s dressed casually and no one is worried about appearances or looking like the boss.  

“God, have you ever seen anything like it. It’s so fucked,” Diane says. Adrian’s more optimistic—the courts rejected most of the challenges to election results! “System worked,” he says. “Yay.” Liz says in response. She’s not as optimistic as he is.  

“Liz. Liz. Sometimes when things work out, there is no parade. There’s no congratulations, but I’ll tell you this: We live to fight another day,” he explains to her even though she makes a good point that a system just barely hanging on doesn’t bode well for the future. (She doesn’t say all this, but that’s a very loaded, “Yay.”)  

“Yeah? Then why are you leaving the law?” Liz asks. Diane seconds to the question.

Adrian announces he’s still retiring—and he’s moving to Atlanta. He wants to go to the south to help “create and consolidate political power.” He’s excited to start over and inspired by Georgia going blue. This is a very nice exit for Adrian. I fully believe that he’s interested in political organizing, that he’d be good at it, and that he’s ready for a change. I don’t think he’s always the most progressive person (of the three in this scene, Liz is absolutely the most progressive one, though Diane probably thinks she is!), but I absolutely think he thinks of himself as an activist and I believe that if he’s going to step away from the law, he’d do so to make a move like this.  

Adrian—and Lucca, but especially Adrian—probably both got better exits thanks to the events of 2020. If Adrian had just left to be groomed by the DNC, that would’ve been a predictable and boring ending for him. His candidacy would, obviously, go nowhere, and the whole thing felt weird from the minute it was introduced. But this? Adrian being energized—like so many others were—by the ways the world changed in 2020 and using his already announced departure from the firm and recent breakup as a chance to start over and make change? This is great!  

Adrian asks Liz and Diane what’s next for them. Liz says that she thinks the Biden admin will be better for black businesses. Adrian asks if they’re replacing him, and Diane says, “I think the big question is, are you replacing me?” She’s smart. I like how this scene goes from friendly to tense very fast, with everyone kind of testing the waters. Adrian tries to force the conversation, Liz opens with something vague yet pointed, and Diane speaks what’s previously been unspoken.

Liz says it’s not her intention to push Diane out. “I can’t change the color of my skin,” Diane replies. “I know,” Liz laughs. Audra’s delivery is fantastic on that line.  

“Hey, I’m gonna fight for my partnership,” Diane says. “I know,” Liz says. The tone of this scene is so different from previous partnership drama on these shows and I’m excited about it. This is just a bunch of adults talking about business decisions with each other and treating each other as equals?? It's not backstabbing?? Or drama?? No one is hiding things?? It’s refreshing and I hope this plot stays like this. We’ve done so much partnership drama that I think drama that stems from a real, pressing question that has no easy answers and isn’t anyone’s fault is going to be much more fruitful for the show.  

Adrian heads out—ah, I see now this scene is set in his empty office and this is why they are on the floor—and gets a nice last moment with Diane. And then they give him a last moment with Liz, which I knew they would but was still glad to see.  

Liz asks if he knows what he’s doing—he says he’s not sure.

Adrian asks if Liz knows where she stands regarding Diane. “It’s going to be interesting,” Liz says. I don’t think she’s decided what she’s going to do yet.

It wouldn’t be an Adrian and Liz scene if Adrian didn’t have some unsolicited advice. “Diane’s a terrific lawyer, but this firm belongs to you.  Your dad built it. He did, Liz. Despite all his faults. You got to run this place the way you want. This is a black firm. And after today, the world needs black firms. You got me?” He tells Liz. He makes it seem like Liz gets the choice and then tells her what to do. She says, “I got it,” signaling she understood him but not that she necessarily agrees.  

I cannot wait to see what Liz does next!!!!!!! About this but just in general!!!!! Without Adrian there giving her constant advice I feel like she can grow so much and the show will have to give her more to do!!! I think Adrian, for all his many wonderful qualities and all he brought to the show, can suck all the air out of a room with his charisma, and Liz usually ends up suffering as a result. She’s such a capable lawyer in her own right, but Adrian has a way of making it always seem like he’s right—even in arguments she wins. I’m excited to see Liz lead (or stumble at leadership; she is fairly new to management) without Adrian’s direct influence.  

Liz walks Adrian out and it’s cute. They run into Marissa and Jay. “Everybody fun is leaving,” Marissa notes. Liz is minorly offended, but playfully. Heh.

Adrian asks Jay how he’s doing; Jay says he’s a long-hauler but he’s doing okay. I like that they included that moment in Adrian’s goodbye sequence. It’s a very little thing, but it underlines that Adrian cares about Jay.  

Then Liz interrupts to note that Trump pardoned a lot of convicted and corrupt Republican officials....... including Julius.  

Everyone celebrates, but especially Diane and Marissa. Diane lets out her wonderful laugh and then we, finally, get to the credits. Because now that the previouslies are over, it’s time for the real show.

The credits are absolutely delightful, btw. I was a little worried some of the kittens would blow up, though! Once I relaxed and realized what they were up to—literal puppies and kittens because Biden won—I couldn’t get enough of these credits. They work so well because they accurately capture the way I (and all of these characters, except maybe Julius and Kurt) feel about the election results, but it’s so exaggerated that you know the kittens and puppies aren’t a realistic representation of our new reality. They’re just too good to be true, but you may as well enjoy them for a minute. I’m sure we’ll be back to exploding vases next week.

What a great episode! My timeline nitpicks and whatever they’re trying to do with Jay aside, I was blown away by how well the writers managed to move on from season 4, tie up loose ends, and write out two main characters. And they did it all while making me revisit the events of 2020, a year I don’t think many of us want to spend much time thinking about! This episode was enjoyable, fun, emotional, and clever. I don’t know what to expect from the rest of the season, but I’m definitely excited about the show in a way I haven’t really been in quite some time.  

This season’s naming convention seems to be titles that end with ... and only have the first word capitalized. I want to see more. 

Season FIVE? There have already been as many TGF seasons as there were TGW seasons prior to Hitting the Fan?! Time flies. 

Please writers: No topical episodes this year-- no pee tape, no Melania divorce, no Epstein. None of that business. 

Sorry if I repeated myself here. I never proofread these things, and I wrote half of this on Saturday and half of it today (Wednesday) and the days in between were an absolute blur so I cannot remember if I said the same things about this episode twice. 

[echoes-of-the-clockwork]

Book One: Gold (Prompto x Reader) Chapter VIII

Prompto placed one of his hands on the back of her neck, holding her in place as he basked in the softness of her lips. When she didn't push him away, he deepened the kiss. However, he snapped out of his blissful revere a few seconds later and immediately pulled away. He stumbled backwards, realizing he'd push himself on to her. "I-I-I..." Prompto tripped over his own feet and landed on his butt. He sat up, running his hands frantically through his blonde locks. "Six, why did I do that?! I-I'm so sorry, (Y/n)!"

The girl stood up and approached him. She squatted down in front of him, smiling. "Calm down. There's no need to apologize, Prom." She took his hands out of his hair and held them gently with hers. "I do want to know... What did that kiss mean?"

"W-Well..." Prompto casted his gaze to the ground, unable to look her in the eye. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down so he could say those three important words. He grasped her hands, exhaling with a shaky sigh. "For a long time, I've...I've really liked you. More than a friend. You've been there for me through thick and thin. You never gave up on me and you're still by side even now. I mean, I have Noct and the others, but they aren't you. I know I haven't been the easiest person to live with all these years, but I-I'm glad you've decided to stick around. I haven't had the easiest life, but you made every moment worth while. You're irreplaceable to me. I...I love you, (Y/n)."

(Y/n) clung to every word, taking each one to heart. She remembered every memory she's made with Prompto, cherishing them all. She may have been bound to him because of her status as his guardian, but those memories were made because she cares deeply about him and was infatuated with him. Even if she wasn't his guardian, she would still dedicate herself to him because of how much she cares for him. He too was irreplaceable.

The girl smiled warmly at Prompto. "You've made my life worth while, as well. I cherish every second we've been together and wouldn't trade them for the world. For the longest time, I convinced myself that you were a human and someone who deserved better than me. But still, I found myself falling for you as the days passed. I'm so happy you feel the same way. I love you too, Prompto."

Tears of joy sprang from Prompto's eyes. He grabbed (Y/n)'s hands and tugged her towards him. She lost her balance and fell against him just as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. He embraced her tightly, burying his face into the crook of her neck and thanking her for loving him over and over again. She placed her hands on his back, trailing her fingers up and down his spine.

(Y/n) pulled away just enough to move her hands from Prompto's back to his cheeks. Sitting on her knees between his legs, she cupped his cheeks in her palms and used her thumbs to wipe away his tears. Smiling, she leans forward and presses her forehead against his. Her golden eyes darted down to his lips for a split second before locking with his cerulean ones. She didn't hesitate to lean in closer and press her lips against his, kissing him sweetly.

It was a brief yet intoxicating kiss. (Y/n) pulled away a few seconds later after noticing the many questionable stares they were receiving from bystanders. She got to her feet, offering to help Prompto off the ground. When he placed his hands in hers, she pulled him to his feet with a smile. "As much as I would love to continue this, we have to meet up with the others. Ready to go?"

Prompto nodded, smiling. "Yeah."

The duo walked down the road a little ways away from the Cauthess Rest Area. (Y/n) transformed and Prompto climbed onto her back. He pulled out his phone and checked Ignis' directions, sharing them with the guardian. Knowing they had just ate, the fox gently trotted in the direction of Aracheole Stronghold. She refused to use the roads in order to prevent another ambush like yesterday. They ran into many packs of voretooths and sabertusks while traveling through nature, but they fled at the sight of the spirit.

Once arriving at Sothmocke Haven, Prompto sighed in relief when seeing the others were safe. He slid off (Y/n)'s back and ran towards his friends. The fox reverted back to her human form, joining the blonde.

"So, what'd we miss?" Prompto asked.

"Besides a talking daemon and other two runestones, nothing much," Noctis shrugged his shoulders. "What about you guys?" He glanced between his best friend and guardian.

"We kicked some imperial ass! Well, only some. There were way too many to handle by ourselves." Prompto slung an arm over the girl's shoulders and pulled her into his side. "(Y/n)'s the reason why we were able to escape without so much as a scratch."

"What took you both so long to get here, then?" Gladio inquired.

"We were hiding from the empire and Prompto's phone was water-logged from the storm," (Y/n) answered. "We didn't see the messages until a couple hours ago."

"We are simply relieved you both are unscathed," Ignis said.

"The same goes for the rest of you. We were worried there for a little bit." The (h/c)-haired girl, once Prompto released her, turned around to face the stronghold. "So, what's the plan?"

"We were just about to discuss such matters."

Noctis, who was sitting in one of the chairs beside Gladio, looks up at his advisor. "So, any bright ideas, Ignis?"

"A dark one, as it were," Ignis stated. "A frontal assault would leave us exposed. But, if we move under cover of night, we might be able to infiltrate the base unnoticed."

"And until then?"

"We learn all we can about the base's design and narrow down the Regalia's location. I'll analyze what intelligence we have available to find us a way in."

Noctis nodded. "Sounds good, Specs."

"All right! We're gonna get our wheels back!" Prompto cheered as he sat down in the chair beside Noctis. "Guess we gotta wait for night fall now." He pulled out his phone and booted up the King's Knight app. While waiting for it to load, his eyes drifted upward. They locked on to (Y/n)'s back and watched her every moment as she offered to help Ignis.

Noctis caught the blonde staring at the girl with a joyous smile etched across his face. "Did...something happen between you two?"

When Prompto realized he was talking to him, he did his best to look everywhere but at (Y/n). "Why would you think that?"

"Besides the fact you're staring at her, no idea."

The sharpshooter lowered his phone, knowing he couldn't hide the truth from his best friend. "I...may have told her how I feel."

Gladio, who'd been eavesdropping, spoke up. "Guessing by the look on your face, it went well."

Prompto sighed dreamily. "It went better than well. It went perfect."

"Who knew you had it in you, string bean."

The younger boy rolled his eyes with a groan at the ridiculous nickname. He looked back down at his phone and saw the game finished loading. He focused his eyes on the screen, but his mind was reminiscing in the kisses he shared with (Y/n) only a couple hours ago. His cheeks were dusted with a light tinge of pink as he played King's Knight until it was time for them to infiltrate the stronghold.

The group left Sothmocke Haven and made their way towards one of cargo entrances located on the side of Aracheole Stronghold. They snuck through rows of storage containers until arriving just outside the cargo entrance. Two soldiers were patrolling the road and inspecting the outgoing cargo. While hiding behind two storage containers, Ignis instructed Noctis when to kill the soldiers. Warp-striking each one, he killed the enemies without alerting the stronghold.

With the way clear, they walk through the cargo entrance. They quickly duck behind stacks of boxes and storage containers when spotting the search lights located on the ramparts. They ducked their heads lower as a MA-X Maniple marched directly towards them with its headlight pointed directly at the cargo they were concealing themselves with. Holding their breaths, they patiently waited for the mech to pass by their hiding spot. It turned to their right, strolling away.

"It's gone," Noctis sighed, relieved it didn't spot them.

"Magitek armor," Ignis whispered.

"Don't wanna mess with one of those," Gladio commented.

"We shouldn't have to if we keep to the shadows." Ignis led the group through the rows of cargo in the direction the mech walked in. Three more soldiers sauntered by, which didn't go unnoticed by the group. Noctis times their movements before warp-striking and killing them one by one.

Now the way was clear. They made their way over to a gate located beside a deactivated MA-X Maniple. Noctis deactivated the barrier keeping them from going any further. While the boys continued forward and ran into another group of soldiers, (Y/n) climbed up a stack of storage containers and stalked the enemies' movements from above. She watched Noctis closely as he managed to take down four of the six soldiers patrolling the area.

The girl snuck across the top of the metal storage containers until she reached the second gate. She glanced over the top and spotted the Regalia not too far away. Her attention was redirected back to the prince when he alerted the last soldier by killing the other one. Before the adversary could raise his gun and shoot Noctis, she manifested a dagger made of pure flames and leapt down on top of the soldier. She jammed the fiery blade into his back, killing him instantly. The dagger vaporized as she stepped away from the soldier's corpse.

Noctis glanced behind him before looking back at her. "Where did you...?"

"Nice save," Gladio complimented, the raven-haired boy's question going unanswered.

"Aw, yeah! That's my girl!" Prompto chanted.

"Well done, (Y/n)," Ignis said.

"The Regalia is just through this gate," she said before turning to the panel and deactivating the translucent barrier. They walk into the next area and immediately spot the car they'd been searching for. However, they were spotted by a MA-X Maniple. As the mech rose to its feet and set its sight on the group, soldiers and magiteks encroached on their position. All the search lights were aimed at them, revealing them in the darkness.

(Y/n) transformed and leapt onto the mech while the boys dealt with the soldiers and MTs. She latched on to one of the missile cannons attached to its shoulders. She growled menacingly as her fangs sunk deeper into the machine's metal exterior. Shaking her head, she managed to tear the missile cannon from the MA-X Maniple and toss it aside. She jumped off its body, using her weight to knock it down to a single knee.

Prompto and Ignis dealt heavy damage to the mech after seeing it had collapsed. Noctis and Gladio kept their attention on the soldiers and MTs trying to surround them. Vaulting a safe distance away from the battle, the fox spirit concentrated her energy into her tails and paws. They ignited with bright flames and she rejoined the fray. She charged through a horde of soldiers and MTs, using her blazing paws and tails to swipe and them left and right.

Noctis saw the others were handling the enemies and decided to take it upon himself to warp up to the watchtower. Using the turret located at the top, he targeted the energy tanks. Explosions shook the ground as the tanks blew up one by one, taking enemies with them. When all the tanks, the MA-X Maniple, soldiers, and magiteks were annihilated, Noctis returned to his friends. Discussing their next target, they headed towards the magitek generator located in the rear of the stronghold.

The sun was beginning to rise. (Y/n), still in her spiritual form, split off from the boys to deal with the overwhelming amount of enemies swarming from all directions. She dealt with them while the others headed straight for the generator. She fought against more soldiers, MTs, and MA Veles-Bises, keeping them at bay for a short time before destroying them. She went to rendezvous with the others when her attention was drawn to the magitek generator. It had been destroyed and weakened the entire garrison.

Running as fast as she could, (Y/n) searched for the boys just as Noctis summoned the mighty Fulgurian, Ramuh. She stopped in her tracks, her slitted eyes traveling up to the sky when seeing the Astral appear. She watched in silence and awe as the god used his power to annihilate the remaining enemies in Aracheole Stronghold. Before Ramuh vanished, she could've sworn he glanced at her.

When the god was gone, (Y/n)'s ears perked up when she sensed a strange presence in the distance. Her golden eyes scanned her surroundings when the presence was slowly moving toward the direction of the Regalia. Instead of pursing the person, she used her connection to the gemstone on Prompto's bracelet to find the boys' current location. What caused her fur to stand on end was both their presence and the stranger's were closing in on each other. She couldn't understand why she could sense the stranger's aura without needing a connection. Pushing the thought aside, she made her way back to the Regalia.

The moment the guardian caught a glimpse of the car in the distance, she saw Noctis, Prompto, Gladio, and Ignis were being approached by a man with a sword drawn she'd never seen before. With her sensitive hearing, she listened in on their conversation while keeping her distance.

"Long has it been, Noctis," Ravus, the man who she detected earlier, hissed.

"Ravus," Noctis growled.

"You receive the Storm's blessing. And yet, you know nothing of the consequences." Ravus raises his sword and points the sharp tip at Noctis's throat.

Gladio was enraged at the sight. "Watch it." He moves to get between them, causing Ravus to reposition the blade with its edge now along Gladio's throat.

Ignis starts to move toward Ravus, but the other man raises his left hand. "Be still. All of you," the man warned.

"Not good..." Prompto muttered.

"Heir to a crown befitting no other. Witness his splendor and glory. All hail the Chosen King."

Noctis, although being threatened by Ravus, stood his ground and snapped back. "Awful high and mighty for an imperial rat, serving the enemy to hunt down Luna!"

Ravus suddenly grabs Noctis' throat with his left hand. "I do not serve. I command!" He shoves the boy backward and Gladio gets between them. The high commander glared at the brute. "The king's sworn shield."

"You better believe it," Gladio snarled.

"A weak shield protects naught." Ravus slowly raises his sword above his head, then brings it down fiercely. Gladio briefly blocks it with his own sword before Ravus parries the weapon away and slams the pommel of his sword into the shield's chest, sending him flying into the side of the Regalia. Prompto runs to check on Gladio while Noctis gets between them and Ravus.

"Wanna go? Let's do it," Noctis remarked in a low, threatening tone. He summons the royal arms and they begin spinning around him.

"Should the Chosen fail, that too is fate." Ravus raises his sword again and went to strike the prince. Before he could bring it down, his blade was deflected by another. He stumbled backwards and casted his glare towards the person who parried his attack, ready to swing his sword a second time.

(Y/n)'s slitted eyes narrowed at Ravus' movements. Raising the cosmic blade gifted to her by Brahma, she ducked under his sword and slammed the pommel into his gut. The high commander collapsed to a single knee. The oxygen was knocked from his lungs and his grip on his sword slipped, resulting in him to drop it. It clattered against the ground. She kicked it out of his reach, pointing the tip of her sword at his throat. She stared down into his heterochromia eyes with a stoic expression. "How does it feel to taste your own medicine?"

Ravus went to snap back, but his eyes fell on the blade she wielded. His eyes narrowed, gritting his teeth. "The Creator's Blade..." He then took note of the gemstone embedded in her upper right arm and her slitted eyes. "You are-!"

"I'd say that's far enough," a voice spoke up. Everyone turned their attention to the owner of the voice and saw Ardyn sauntering towards them. Beside him was Callyx. The auburn-haired man smiled at Noctis. "A hand, Highness?"

"Not from you," Noctis scoffed.

"Oh, but I'm here to help," he innocently replied.

Ignis was suspicious of the chancellor's and Callyx's sudden appearance. "And how is that?"

"By taking the army away."

Gladio glowered at him. "You expect us to believe that?"

"When next we meet, it'll be across the sea. Just so happens we have business of our own with the tutelary deity. Don't we?" Ardyn then took a few steps toward (Y/n), who was still pointing her blade at Ravus' throat. He took off his hat and bowed. "Please do forgive my acquaintance, my dear. He has quite the temper."

The guardian stepped away from Ravus, withdrawing her blade. She noticed Ardyn and Callyx were staring at the cosmic weapon. The chancellor's face remained stoic while the emerald-eyed spirit gaped in shock. He went to step forward, but Ardyn stopped him.

"Ardyn, but she's..." Callyx began.

"We are leaving," the chancellor interrupted the guardian. He then helped Ravus up and said his goodbyes. "Fare thee well, Your Majesty, and safe travels." Ravus, Callyx, and Ardyn walk away.

"You guys know that guy?" Prompto asked.

"Ravus Nox Fleuret, first son of Tenebrae...and elder brother to Lady Lunafreya," Ignis explained.

(Y/n) dispelled the sword with a heavy sigh. "What a weird trio..."

"I'll say," Noctis said.

"They were really into your sword, (Y/n)," Prompto commented. "Where did you get it?"

"That's...a story for another day," she forced a smile.

Gladio rubbed the spot where Ravus hit him with his sword. "I don't care where the damn thing came from. Nice moves back there, by the way."

"Consider it payback for what he did to you and Noctis." She combed a hand through her (h/c) locks. "Now then, let's get out of here."

"Yes, please!" Prompto chanted.

Previous Chapter || Next Chapter || Masterlist

[toxicpineapple]

Well, this year is coming to a close!!! Here are my favourite writings from the year 2020 :)

---

January:

“A penchant for looking at rocks”, the first ever Amamota fic I wrote (it’s been a long fucking year, haha) and another 5+1 things fic! Buckle down LGBTQ+ community because there are a lot of these, in fact I’m pretty sure I started off last year’s compilation with a 5+1 things fic? Anyway, this one was the five times Kaito helps Rantaro when he’s hurt, plus the one time Rantaro helps Kaito. I love me some good whump and I felt I had to choose this one because it’s one of my favourites just generally speaking.

Content Warnings: Injuries, tending to injuries, asthma attacks.

---

February:

“Ibuki Mioda’s Kisses”, which I wrote for day fourteen of Femslash February. Boy, if I thought I wrote a lot in January, just take a moment to peek at February 2020… I was churning out a fic daily for the entire month. I don’t regret it though! I got to write a lot of characters who I haven’t written a lot, and explore a whole lot of prompts, and if I can remove my head from my ass I fully intend on participating in Femslash February again next year. Ibuki Mioda’s Kisses is the piece I wrote for Valentine’s Day, which was my two year anniversary with my boyfriend, so I wanted to write something special commemorating our relationship. No idea how I’m going to top that in 2021, but uh, check out the fic! It’s cute and I like to think it’s clever.

Content Warnings: The Mortifying Ideal Of Discovering Oneself, secondhand embarrassment, bad kisses. (I mean in the sense that texturally they’re just, unpleasant. It’s about asexuality, alright.)

---

March:

“Adventure”, which I wrote for day five of Amasai Week, which was the first ship week I hosted and participated in in 2020! This was the longest piece that I wrote, and my favourite, just because I really really love the childhood friends trope, and I liked writing Shuichi and Rantaro as children, adventuring together and just having a fantastic time. Amasai Week actually took place while one of my parrots stayed overnight at the emergency vet after a fight with another one, so it was a pretty stressful time for me, but I’m proud of myself for completing it and looking forward to hosting Amasai Week again in 2020! Stay tuned, we’ve almost got the prompts worked out.

Content Warnings: None.

---

April:

“A couple of ghosts”, which is the fic I wrote for Kaito’s birthday! I see we’ve reached the part of 2020 where I met my abuser, which, yaaaaay, but also, I’m still really proud of this fic, despite how much I kind of associate it with him now! It’s the fic where I said, y’know what, no, we can’t have nice things, and gave Kaito a horrible, traumatic reason for his fear of ghosts, as well as two dead parents. It’s Saimota though and there’s a cute hurt/comfort scene at the end so go ahead and check it out if you want.

Content Warnings: Car accidents, minor character death, injuries, PTSD.

---

May:

“Are you down to play?”, the fic that I wrote for day four of Saimota Week, wherein Shuichi has a secret and Kaito makes a bet with Kaede to figure it out. Man, if you thought I had bad associations with the fic I chose for April, look at this one, haha. But it’s objectively the best writing piece I uploaded that month, I’m really proud of my characterisation and the scenes in the fic, and hopefully someday I’ll be able to read this piece without thinking about him. :)

Content Warnings: None! This one’s just a fluffy feel good fic.

---

June:

“Tamago kake gohan”, the Sonanami canon compliant hurt/comfort fic I wrote for my friend Void’s birthday. I put out a whopping three one shots in June because I’d really hit the swing of my roleplaying and hadn’t adjusted to it well enough to be writing fic at the same time yet, so, yeah. This one’s cute, though! Sonia is sad about Gundham and then Chiaki makes her some food. They’re sapphic.

Content Warnings: Canonical character death.

---

July:

“Good night”, the Amasai 5+1 things that I wrote for my friend Neb’s birthday! This is the five times Saihara slept in front of Amami, plus the one time Rantaro slept in front of Shuichi. It’s cute! They’re tender! It features the trope where you sleep in front of a loved one! I love that trope! And it’s Neb’s favourite so I had to go for it, hehe. These two are cute boys and they deserve to be happy.

Content Warnings: Breakdowns, nightmares. (But neither is from the narrator’s perspective.)

---

August:

“Making that dream come true”, the royalty AU Kaede and Rantaro become friends fic that I wrote while I briefly hyperfixated back on my royalty AU. I got into another writing groove during this time so I actually have a lot of really good fics up from August (including Mutual Vulnerability… Amamotas I’m sorry to have cucked you like this that fic was so damn good) but this one was my favourite. I love writing in first person, and I love writing platonic relationships, and someday I’m going to write the multichapter that this fic sets up for.

Content Warnings: Arranged marriages, and something else but it’s a secret, shhh.

---

September:

“A lot of firsts”, the Harumami fic I wrote for the first day of Amami Week, which is a personal writing challenge that I did this year to celebrate the week leading up to Amami’s birthday. September was a really dry writing month for me, partly because of the roleplay stuff and partly because of personal issues, but I’m still proud of the heteroeroticism (heh) in this one. Maki and Rantaro have chemistry, what can I say.

Content Warnings: Stab injuries (not from Maki to Rantaro, please).

---

October:

“October 3rd”, the second fic I wrote for Rantaro’s birthday, and also the Oumami fic that I wrote for day seven of Amami Week. I’m a fan of most of the fics I wrote in October (I wouldn’t gift someone a fic I’m not proud of and most of the fics I wrote, including this one, were gift fics) but this one is my favourite just because of the introspection, and also because of the fact that I got to write Ouma, because he’s always so much fun. I enjoyed writing the two of them going back and forth and have another Oumami fic on the way so stay tuned, haha.

Content Warnings: None.

---

November:

“It is what it is”, the fic I wrote for day four of Amamota week, which takes place when Rantaro is an adult, and out at a bar with his friends, where he meets Kaito and goes for a walk outside. It’s a melancholic piece for sure, but I like capturing those vibes with my fics, and I got to write a group interaction which is always one of my favourite things to do. Amamota is my biggest comfort pairing and I’m glad that I got to host Amamota Week this year, because I enjoy those two so much. :) Great chemistry.

Content Warnings: Recreational alcohol use (everyone is drinking legally and tentatively responsibly), general sad vibes idk.

---

December:

Okay, honestly, I haven’t posted anything yet this month aside from a vent, and since the vent I posted talks about my eating disorder and it’s not really very good writing anyway, I don’t feel comfortable putting it on this list. I have a multichapter holiday themed Oumami fic on the way that I will hopefully finish before the end of the year, as well as a fic I’m working on for a writing and art trade that I ABSOLUTELY need to get off my ass and work on, so those will hopefully be out by the end of 2020.

But yeah, that aside, that’s the complete list of my favourite fics from 2020. It’s been a long year and I’m glad to have stayed a member of the Danganronpa fandom through it. I really appreciate all the friends I’ve made, and the fun times I’ve had while I’ve been here.

2020 has treated me pretty terribly, haha. I met someone who I really wish I could’ve gone without, and my health has suffered, and I’m hoping to be able to start my recovery properly in 2021. Guess if I have a new year’s resolution, it’s to let go of what he did to me and start trying to get better. So I’m going to work on it! I can’t say that I think 2021 is going to be anybody’s year, but maybe it’s not about what the universe has in store for us so much as it is about what we make of it.

I hope everyone who reads this has a wonderful new year, I love you all dearly, thanks so much for the support and the laughs, and I’ll keep on hanging around and spreading my Amami propaganda.

Someone has to, haha.

[psychedellic-phase]

Fifteen (pt 11)

tw: mentions of vomiting, pregnancy, miscarriage 

wc: 4.2k 

masterlist!

series masterlist!

“I apologize in advance for the way this letter is going to be. It’s going to be a mess of my word vomit that is poorly strung together and probably won’t make any sense. The pages are going to be tear-soaked and ripped, kind of like me right now. I feel tattered and torn and achy and bruised. I’m physically fine, but mentally? I’m at my absolute low. The lowest of lows, even though I should be better. I was better for a while, because I still had you. Even after we broke up I was better, because I still had coffee with you at work and we sort of started speaking to each other again. Leaving is hard, but I know with time I’ll be better again. I won’t be at this rock-bottom this forever. 

Speaking of, I should really tell you where I’m at. Physically, it is 1:36 am EST on February 15th. I am still at the kitchen table in that red blanket. The way it smells like you has gone from revolting to comforting in the last few hours of writing. My hand is aching. I have the locket on my neck and I’m incessantly playing with it and opening it to see your face. I haven’t eaten. If I did I’m afraid I’d just puke it all up, so instead I’m half way through a bottle of red and well on my way to a second. I need it. You know what the next part is, Spence, so can you really blame me?

I’ve decided to combine these next two mementos; I feel like they just go together naturally. They tell the same story and they’re both important to that said story. Grab the tissues, Love, you’re gonna need ‘em.”

Spencer did as you asked, reaching to his nightstand and grabbing the box of tissues that was already half empty from how much he had used them in the last fourteen hours. His nose was red and sore from the constant blowing and sniffling. The box felt hollow when he lifted it, and he couldn’t help but relate to it. 

“It all started a month or so after that conversation on the balcony; the one between me, you, and the moon. I felt sick. We weren’t surprised and if I’m being honest, being “careful” had taken a backseat. Don’t think I’m complaining, because I’m not. I loved every moment I ever got to spend with you, especially in those compromising positions we found ourselves in often. I love the way you loved me, so gently, so kindly, with passion and heart. I loved feeling you love me, and you loved me often. So, naturally, we weren’t shocked when I woke up each morning throwing up. I purposely ignored the way my boobs hurt and my hip bones ached. I wasn’t surprised, but I was still terrified. Loaning out your body to another human being is scary. But you? 

It’s like you had this sixth sense. You knew immediately, before I even had a clue. Every day for a week you rubbed my back, held my hair, and soothed me. You got me saltines and ginger ale every day, gently told me to stop with the coffee and deli meats. The way you cared for me during it all made it okay, more than okay. It made me excited. I felt lucky to share that experience with a man like you. I was lucky to share that experience with you. I can say with 100% certainty I will never share it with anyone except you, because no one except you would stop at Walgreens and pick up a box of ClearBlue for their cranky, definitely pregnant girlfriend. You’re the only one who would run to the store when I couldn’t physically eat anything but potato chips and raspberry Arizona Iced Tea. You’re the only one I’d want holding me on the bathroom floor as we waited for the longest three minutes of our lives. You’re the only one I wanted to scoop me up in a hug when it said ‘pregnant’. You’re the only one I’d ever want to be the dad of my kids. That’s just it Spence, you were the one. The only one. I realize that now.”

Spencer shook as he picked up the test in his hands. It felt delicate, and sacred, like it was a relic. Actually, everything in that box felt like a relic, like holy objects that he had to cherish and safeguard. His chest tightened, but he couldn’t cry. He was all out of tears. He spun it, staring at those eight letters, remembering when he bought the test. 

It was Father’s day, ironically enough, and he had gone into the BAU to do some paperwork. You were too sick to come too; you had woken up at four to start your new-found morning routine of shoving your head into the toilet. He woke up with you, saltines and ginger ale in hand as he rubbed circles into your back and whispered ‘you’re okay, I’ve got you’ in between your gagging noises. It was good practice for being a dad, he thought. Waking up at any beck and call of yours would be similar to a newborn, and he needed all the practice he could get. 

Every morning, you’d vomit for an hour or so, chug a ginger ale, and throw that up too before falling asleep on the toilet seat, after which he’d gingerly pick you up and carry you back to bed. That morning was no different, so he felt awful leaving you at home. He left you with a note saying ‘Be back later, Salt and Vinegar or BBQ? Let me know, love you,’ and a bottle of water with a Motrin. 

You had been sick for almost two weeks straight, and he knew you knew why. You just didn’t want to admit it. Neither did he at first; he had a plan. This went against the plan you had agreed to a few weeks ago, but plans change. And for once that didn’t bother him. He was happy the plans had shifted, elated even. He didn’t know how to contain it, spending most days looking up which cribs were safest and which prenatal vitamins he should grab for you. He fully immersed himself in being a dad, before he even knew if he had someone to be a dad for.

When he stopped at the store to get you salt and vinegar and barbecue chips (you requested family sized bags of both), he wandered over to the family planning section. He decided it was finally time. Today was going to be the day. He’d officially be a dad-to-be, and on Father’s day of all days. It felt right. The universe was finally on his side. It was sunny, birds were chirping. Everything felt perfect.

He grabbed a box of clearblue and checked out, the cashier smiling and commenting, “I hope good luck is what I should say.”

He smiled ear to ear, “Yes, I appreciate that, thank you.”

The tests felt like they were burning a hole through the paper bag the whole walk home. A few times he considered not even giving them to you. He was scared for how you’d react. He was happy, but would you be? Would you cry? Would your tears be happy or sad? Part of him didn’t want to find out, but a bigger part of him needed to find out. 

When he got home, you practically ran to greet him. 

“Chips! Chips!” 

You kissed his cheeks and face, and he squeezed you tightly, but not too tightly. Just in case.  

“Yes, I got the biggest bags that they sell.”

“You know I love you? So much?”

“I know. I love you too, so much,” He blushed and watched you dig in the shopping bag, where you found the box of tests. 

“Spencer—“

“We need to talk.”

He cut you off, trying to profile the look on your face. It was half shock, but he swore he saw you bite back a smile. 

“I know,” you said, opening the box, “And I think we both know what this is going to say.”

“I have an idea of what it’ll say. Is that okay?”

“Is it okay?” You said, standing in front of him and wrapping your arms around his shoulders, “Yes. It’s scary, but it’s wanted.”

He placed his hands on your belly. There was nothing there yet, but he still couldn’t contain the smile, “Really?”

You rolled your eyes, using humor to deflect as usual, “Don’t pretend you haven’t been trying to knock me up for months, Dr. Reid,” now he rolled his, “I’m going to go pee on this.”

He followed you into the bathroom, and then proceeded to wait for three minutes. The longest three minutes in the history of time. 

“First time?” You asked him, nestled between his legs on the bathroom floor. 

“Yeah, believe it or not this is the first pregnancy test I’ve ever taken.”

You laughed, shifting even closer to him in an attempt to have him swallow you whole, “Nah, I’ve peed on a ton of sticks.”

“Is that so?” He joked back. You stiffened, and he gripped you tighter. If he could hold you together, maybe you wouldn’t fall apart.

“No,” your voice was low and weak, “and I’m scared. I don’t know why. I’m happy, but terrified, does that even make sense?” 

He kissed the back of your head, “I’ve got you.”

The rest of the time was silent, just appreciating the warmth the other offered. You made him go look at it, not trusting yourself to be able to stand in that moment. 

“It’s positive,” He said, trying to conceal his excitement.

“Really?” Your face lit up and he lit up too, sweeping you off your feet into a hug he wished would have lasted for a hundred years. 

“Yeah, Love, really. You’re going to be a mom!”

Happy tears breached both of your eyes, “And you’re going to be a dad!”

He groaned at the memory, wishing that slice of pure bliss would have lasted. He felt so much happiness in that moment, maybe too much. Maybe we’re all given an allotted amount of happiness at birth. Maybe he only had so much happiness in his body, and he used all his happiness up with you. That would make sense, because he hadn’t found a speck of genuine happiness in his life without you. 

“When you told me it was positive, that was simultaneously the happiest and most terrifying moment of my entire life. I was elated. Over the moon. Ecstatic. Because I always wanted a baby and I always wanted a baby with you. But I was scared. I was scared because pregnancy is scary and birth is supposed to feel like breaking all your bones at once or something. I was scared because I didn’t know if I had the money to get the best crib and best everything for our baby. I was scared because our baby would have two parents with dangerous jobs that we might not come home from. It’s the sad truth of our lives Spencer. We’ve stared down the barrels of many guns, been taken and tortured, looked evil in its eyes. I was scared because instead of living in that moment of pure happiness and love, I was looking ahead, as if anything in this life is guaranteed. 

I ignored my fears, like I ignore everything I really should be looking in the eyes, and let us be happy. All I ever wanted was for us to be happy. And that was the start of when we were the happiest. 

Everyday was full of baby name lists and Mozart and nutritionally balanced meals you made for me. You fed me a lot of sweet potatoes, because “Sweet potatoes are high in vitamin A, Y/N, and you need to increase your vitamin A intake by about 20% during pregnancy.” The only problem was I hate sweet potatoes, and all I really wanted to eat was loaded nachos and cheese fries. 

Being pregnant with the smartest man in the world had its pluses and minuses. On the plus side, you knew everything about everything. If I ever felt a funny movement or a weird symptom, you knew what was going on. Because of JJ (another thing I chose to ignore). But that was also a minus, because I’d tell you my tummy hurt and suddenly you’d overreact and make me call my doctor. I’d laugh and tell you it was all okay, I didn’t have any rare conditions that have only ever affected 3 people in the history of the world. I was okay. Me and her, we were okay.”

Spencer stopped. Her? You actually used ‘her?’ You never did that. After everything happened you referred to her as ‘the baby’ because it made it less personal. If you called her ‘her’ or by the name you’d chosen, that made it real. Neither of you wanted it to be real. 

You had cried over this page heavily, the words marked by inky tear stains. He was following suit, staring at that word. 

Her. A girl. His daughter. His girl. 

“You’d give me weekly updates on how big the baby was and what was growing and changing. And trust me, I felt growing and changing. And to me, it felt like sore boobs and vomiting. Pregnancy did not make me glow, it made me dull and gray and cranky and somehow still so happy. I was happy because of you. 

You listened to me compare the pros and cons of virtually identical bassinets while you rubbed my feet. You laid your head on my belly, even before there was a bump and listened or talked to her about your day. You always got me potato chips. You removed every vanilla candle in our house when the smell made me want to hurl. You were understanding when I’d snap at the littlest things or cry at a sad commercial. You made every stomach ache and hip ache feel better, even if you did fact dump about it every four seconds. I got so caught up in being a mom-to-be that I often forgot you were a dad-to-be, too. I’m sorry for that. I should've supported you the way you supported me, through everything. For that, I'm truly sorry. 

Remember when everyone found out? We decided to wait to tell them, at least into week twelve, just in case something happened. 

“If a miscarriage were to happen, it would most likely occur in the first trimester;” you explained one day, while I had my grubby little hands in a plate of loaded sweet potato fries (a compromise). 

“My mom always said it's bad luck,” I said, “But I’m happy to keep this between us. I wish we could live in this bubble of happiness forever, Spencer.”

I still wish we could’ve lived in that bubble forever, but it popped. 

We still went to work like usual. They all knew something was up. I was opting out of takedowns and always eating. Like, always. Derek knew not to go to the vending machine without getting something for me. I sized up in Kevlar and Rossi did mention that I was looking ‘glowy’ a few times. No one asked us though, which is a surprise given the people we work with. They knew we loved each other before we even did, so I’m sure they knew I had one in the oven. 

We told them by getting a onesie that said “FUTURE FBI AGENT” on it. Super cheesy, but perfect for us. We showed up to a carbonara ala Rossi dinner with it stashed in my purse.

“No wine?” Rossi asked me and I shook my head no, “Okay Bella, okay.”

He sent me a knowing look with a grin. Classic Rossi, always the dad. 

After dessert, we stood up, clinking a class and you held me close.

“Attention, everyone!”

The whole crew stared at us, and you gave them the line you had rehearsed in the car on the way over, “The BAU is my family, and I love you all so dearly. which is why Y/N and I would like to tell you that we have a new recruit coming in February!” 

We each took one sleeve of this adorably tiny onesie and held it up, everyone cheering and clapping and congratulating us.

The boys patted you on the back, Penelope tackled me in a hug, Blake kissed your cheeks. Even JJ had a genuine smile for us. It was perfect. Literally perfect. That may be the best moment of my life. It was me and you, sharing the most important part of our lives with the people most important to us. My heart aches just thinking about them. God, they were so excited. Garcia and Derek bought me gifts. JJ gave me advice. We sent Emily a picture of me and you with that baby onesie, and she texted me everyday to ask how I was feeling. My dad was over the moon, he didn’t even care that we weren’t married. Diana was the happiest of them all. She was so excited for you to have this journey, and she told me she was glad it’d be with me. She once wrote to me that a dream of hers was to be a grandma, and when you were a kid she thought that may never happen, since you were so smart and special and different. She thought no one would ever understand you enough to love you like that. She said that all changed when she met me. She could tell I understood you and loved you. So tell Diana that I’m sorry I couldn’t give her that dream and that I hope she gets her wish of being a grandma one day. I hope you get your wish to be a dad, too. It may kill me to know that you’d be out there parenting without me, but it may kill me more if you never get to have that dream Spencer Reid. So do it. Break my heart a million times over. It’s worth it as long as you’d be happy at the end of it all.”

He sighed shakily, he’d only be happy at the end of it all if it was with you, an option that seemed less and less likely with each passing letter. 

The box contained that little onesie. He held it up, astonished at how small it was. How could a person ever be so tiny? He let himself cry into it, the onesie still smelling like you. He remembered ordering it online, sneaking it in your purse and the look on everyone’s faces when he gave his little speech. He remembered JJ squeezing him tight and telling him he’d be amazing and how happy she was that Henry and Jack would have a new friend. He remembered Derek slapping him on the back and commenting how pretty the baby would be, “You and Y/N? We may have a new pretty boy in the house soon!”

He remembered Rossi immediately finding a copy of ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ on a shelf in his massive mansion, and giving it to him with a kiss on both cheeks. He remembered sneaking to Vegas to tell his mother, how she leapt up and swallowed him in a hug. But perhaps the most memorable and meaningful interaction he had that night was with Hotch. 

He came up to Spencer separately, at the end, and gave him his own fatherly wisdom, “Congratulations, Reid. This is going to be the greatest adventure of your life, and you’re going to be an amazing father.”

Spencer smiled, looking over at you, hands all over your barely there belly, giggling with Garcia and Derek, “Because of her.”

“What?”

Spencer cleared his throat, “I’m going to be a great father, because she makes me a great man.”

Hotch smiled and brought Spencer into a hug, two rare occurrences, “I felt the same way about Haley.”

Spencer felt Hotch stiffen, and he waited for him to finish, “My only advice to you is to not be me. If she makes your world spin a little faster, if she makes life a little better, if she makes the job easier, then don’t wait. I waited too much with Haley. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.”

Spencer smiled, knowing then what he needed to do. You did make his world spin faster. You made the world a better place. 

“I won’t, Hotch,” He cleared his throat, “I promised her that much.” 

But there he was now, making all the same mistakes Hotch had. He had waited. He said he wouldn’t but he still did. He poured himself into work instead of love, just like Hotch, and it led him to his rock-bottom. He was staring at a baby onesie that should’ve held his baby, except he had no baby, and he had no you. 

He toyed with the snaps on the bottom, undoing them and redoing them in an attempt to relieve stress. He could imagine what she would’ve looked like. He thought she’d be chubby, like a little michelin man with rolls on her knees and elbows. He thought her hair would be brown and curly, like his, and her eyes would hold the universe in them like yours did. He thought that he’d love her tenfold the amount he loved you, which was a lot. He wondered if when he saw her face his heart would be too full and give out then and there. 

“My favorite memory of being pregnant is that day we went to Meridian Hill Park, remember? You fixed up a picnic basket full of nutritious foods, sneaking a bag of saltines just in case I felt sick. That was one of the last days, if I remember right. It was week eighteen. I looked like I had a basketball shoved under my dress. The doctor’s said I was measuring large; the baby would probably be nine pounds. We knew she was a girl. We didn’t have some big gender reveal, we just had the doctor tell us at the ultrasound. 

You set the blanket down, helping me sit and get situated. It was mid-October, so the leaves were bright yellow and orange. You had on a cozy sweater and brought a blanket to drape over my legs. I remember eating a few apple slices and leaning on you, just admiring the world. I looked over at you and smiled. Your hair was shorter and you were sitting cross-legged, slouching and eating a sandwich.

“You know what would be a cute name for her?” You said, shifting to allow me to lay my head on your lap.

“Hm?”

“Annabelle.”

“Like from the Poe story?”

“Technically, it’s a poem, but yes.”

“Doesn’t she die in it?”

You shrugged, “Yes, but it has such beautiful lines. ‘We loved with a love that’s more than love, I and my Annabell Lee.”

Your hand met my rather large bump, and upon hearing you whisper “Annabell Lee” the baby kicked, right into your hand. 

You looked down at me, smiling, “See she likes it! Don’t you Annabelle?”

I rolled my eyes, “Must everything be macabre with you Reid?”

You gave me pleading eyes, “Even without the poem, it’s still a beautiful name. It’s of English origin and means gracious or beautiful.”

“Annabelle Diana Reid,” I said, trying it on for size. 

You scrunched up your eyebrows and nose, “Diana?”

I shrugged, “I thought it’d be nice, and that makes for a really pretty name.”

You grinned, “I love it, and I love you, and I love Annabelle. I promise I will love you both for the rest of my life.”

I like to think you’ve kept that promise. 

You kissed me gently, the sun washing over us and a few stray leaves falling, just you, me, and Anna. 

I don’t believe in jinxes or superstitions. I believe in science and facts. But some part of me can’t shake the feeling that if we picked a different name things would’ve been different. Maybe if she was an Ava or an Olivia we wouldn’t be here. But she was Annabelle. Our Annabelle. 

I got rid of every other speck of baby stuff from this place. When you were off on cases and I was at home, I filled a bag with the few things we had gotten and dropped them off at the Salvation Army. I couldn’t bear parting with this onesie though, in fact I’m having a hard time even giving it to you. But she was yours too. My favorite part of the poem is this: 

‘And neither the angels in Heaven above, nor the demons down under the sea, can ever dissever my soul from the soul, of the beautiful Annabel Lee’”

Spencer crumpled the letter up. He was done reading this. He had to stop, his breath and heart rate were skyrocketing. He felt he’d been chewed up and spit out. He wanted to scream or punch a wall. His sadness forming into an angry monster that he couldn’t contain. He threw the crumpled letter across the room with a yell.

When he realized what he had done, he quickly tried to flatten the paper out, “No, no, no no! Please” 

Hot tears were streaming down his face uncontrollably making his vision bleary and the letter even harder to read. He needed you. You always knew how to calm him down and he needed that now. His mom was right, you did understand him. You were probably the only person alive who ever really, truly, did. 

He grabbed his phone, scrolling to find your contact name. He didn’t press ‘call’. He just stared at the ten numbers, frozen, and allowed himself to sob. 

Part 12!

Taglist!

@l0ve-0f-my-life @aperrywilliams @helloniallslovelies @random-ravings (tag isnt working) @ajwantsapancake @andiebeaword @boiled-onionrings @frnks-stuff @icantevenanymore1 @mellifluouswildbluebells @rottenearly @sammypotato67​ @blushingwueen​ @peaxhyjaes​ @justanotherfangurlz​ @juniorgman187​ @mbowles23-blog​ @blameitonthenight21​ @goldentournesol​ @rainsong01​ @thelifeofadumbbitch​ @swimmingtrashwobblersludge  (not working)

[boggie-brainrot]

Chips and Drinks

“Do you want anything else? Something to eat?”

“Nah, this is just a chips and drinks kind of day.”

OR

In which Rose meets four goofy and polite boys.

Ship: N/A (Gen)

Word Counts: 721

Rose is working in the Orpheum diner on a slow Thursday afternoon when four boys, about ten years old, walk in. Being the one waiting tables today she worries that the boys will be rowdy and loud, they surprise her when they go to a table by the window and sit down.

She walks over to them curiously, seeing that one of the boys, with shaggy brown hair and brown eyes, is writing furiously in a notebook as the others peer over the table to read his chicken scratch.

Rose clears her throat, alerting them to her presence, “Hi, I’m Rose, I’ll be your waitress for today. Are you ready to order?”

One of the boys, one with blond hair and blue eyes, answers, “What are we thinking today boys? Chips?”

“Yeah, ooh! And those weird fruity drinks we had last time, what were they called again?” The dark haired blue eyed boy wearing a leather jacket suggested.

“The ones with the pineapple?” The other dark haired boy asks, “They were called peena colarados?”

“Piña coladas? Aren’t you a little young for those?” Rose quirks an eyebrow.

“Oh, they were the ones without the alcohol,” the blond corrects her.

“Yeah, four virgin piña coladas please,” the writer says, not looking up from his notebook.

“Okay, and what kind of chips?” she asks, a smile tugging at her lips.

“Some Lays please?” the leather jacket clad boy requests politely.

“Of course,” Rose chirps.

Rose walks back and gives the drink order to Enrique and waits for any other customers. She sits at the counter and watches the young boys talking animatedly and she picks up their names, the blond is named Alex, the dark haired one is Bobby, Reggie is the boy clad in leather and the one scribbling in the notebook is Luke.

Enrique sets the drinks on a tray and Rose adds the chips and brings them over to the boys. They surprise her again with many ‘thank you’s and ‘thanks’ as they sip their drinks.

Before she leaves she has to ask, “Do you want anything else? Something to eat?”

Luke looks up from his writing before sharing a look with the others, “Nah, this is just a chips and drinks kind of day.”

Rose smiles at the statement, such a funny thing to hear from a kid. She shakes her head smiling and going back to the counter. Another two kids, two girls show up and she takes their orders, as she waits for their food she sees that Luke and Bobby are at the jukebox. She walks over to them to see what they’re choosing when she overhears their conversation.

“Aw man, What’s New Pussy Cat is banned,” Bobby complains.

“Well yeah, that’s what happens when you Salt and Pepper Diner a place,” Luke replies, but they are both grinning wildly.

“So it’s you two who did that, huh?” Rose folds her arms, and the boys jump at her voice.

“Well- Well technically it was Reggie and I who- who played What’s New Pussy Cat and then It’s Not Unusual,” Bobby confessed.

“How many plays did you get through?”

“Nine,” Luke brags, “I think it’s the longest we’ve got. The Hollywood Ghost Diner cut us off after four plays, but at Eats and Beats we made it to the first one after It’s Not Unusual.”

“Impressive,” Rose nods, “So what’re you gonna play instead?”

They share a look before smiling, “November Rain.”

Rose shakes her head, smiling at the two. It was another reference to the John Mulaney Skit. She laughs a little before Enrique calls her back to the counter to serve the girls their food. The girls thank her and she then has to go into the back to help Enrique with a couple things.

When Rose came back out to the counter she saw Ray smiling at her from behind the register.

“What are you smiling about?” she asks him.

“Those boys you served,” he replies. Rose looks to their table and sees them gone.

“What about them?” she questions.

“Look at their check,” Ray simply says, handing it to her. It’s then she sees that they tipped her 100%, a $15 tip on a $15 check. Beside the tip she sees the writing: “So you can have your own chips and drinks day.”

[p-artsypants]

Longest Night (50) Celebrating

Here we go! The last chapter! And it’s a doozy! 

I don’t know about the rest of you guys, but I grew up calling all of my parents friend’s ‘aunt’ and ‘uncle’. Some of them I still do. Which was really fun when I dated a family friend and kept calling his mom ‘Aunt Julie’. We are not related. Fun times!

Also, there’s some nicknames in this chapter. “Peepums” is Tom. “Nonnie Cheng” is Sabine. And “Nonna Gina” is Tom’s mom. You know how grandparents all have their weird nicknames. 

Ao3 | FF.net

20 years later

—

When Marinette awoke that morning, she was alone in bed. It wasn’t that odd. Adrien had always been an early riser, but this was a different reason than just that. 

But she didn’t worry. It was best just to leave things the way they were. 

Dressing in a robe, she went downstairs to start making breakfast. The kids were old enough to get ready on their own now, and as long as they were down before 7, she didn’t bug them. 

The first into the kitchen was the youngest, Emma. A complete girly-girl and lover of all things pink and fashionable. Even at 12, she had her own sophisticated sense of style (party cultivated by her grandfather). She danced in her pink dress and adorable white flats. “What do you think, mama? Perfect for career day? Do I look like a professional?” 

“Of course you do, sweetheart.” 

She beamed. “Where’s papa?” 

“Oh, uh, I’m not sure. He couldn’t sleep last night, so he went for patrol. He hasn’t been back yet.” 

Emma frowned hard. “He’ll be there for career day though, right?” 

“He wouldn’t miss it for the world! But Peepums and Grandfather Gabriel are going to be there too.” 

“Is Peepums bringing treats?” 

“I would assume so. He never passes up a chance to bring snacks. Now, I’m making crepes, you want one or two?” 

“Just one, mama.” 

“Alright.” 

The next down the stairs was the oldest (by two minutes) Hugo. “Morning mama,” he smiled brightly. 

“There’s my birthday boy! Feel any older?” 

“No, but I feel wiser!” He joked, as he jumped on the stool by the counter. 

“Where’s Louis?” 

“Stuck in the toilet.” 

“And you mean that figuratively, right?”

He shrugged. “What’s for breakfast?”

“Crepes, blueberry, your favorite.” 

“Yes! I want five!” 

“You can have three, I don’t want you to get a tummy ache before school.” 

“Lame! Bring on the crepes!” He pounded his fists on the counter. 

“Three, and then if you aren’t stuffed, I’ll consider more.” 

Then came the unmistakable sound of a body slowly falling down the stairs, before a dark haired teen crawled across the floor and collapsed next to his mother’s legs. 

“Ah, Birthday boy part 2. Welcome to the land of the living!” 

“It should be a crime to have to wake up early on your birthday.” Said the boy, face flat against the ground.

“You truly are my child,” said Marinette with a smile. 

“Where’s pops?” Asked Hugo, digging into his second crepe. 

“Out on patrol.” 

This caused Louis to stir and look up. “Did something happen?”

“No, he just couldn’t sleep.” 

Hugo frowned. “Nightmares again? He’s been having those a lot lately.” 

“Yeah. I’m not sure why he’s having them. But you kids don’t need to worry about it.” 

“Are we still okay for our party tomorrow?” 

“Of course!” Marinette beamed. “Even if papa wasn’t feeling great, we’d still have it! Aunt Chloe reserved the rooftop pool for you, after all.”

“…I’m so excited,” said the child on the floor, with no enthusiasm. “You just can’t tell right now.”

“Well, you’re not going to get any rest on the floor. Sit in your seat and eat your crepe. I’ll make a little coffee.” 

“…yay…” 

—

Emma bounced nervously in her seat. She was flanked by Tom and Gabriel, who had both already presented for career day. 

The day was almost over, and her father hadn’t shown. 

“It’s okay, my little cupcake.” Tom assured, petting her blonde hair. “He’ll be here.” 

“And if he doesn’t make it,” added Gabriel, “It wasn’t because he didn’t want to. He’s probably out there stopping a criminal, saving lives. I know you’re the most important thing in the world to him.” 

Emma nodded, believing both of her grandfathers, but also not wanting to be one without a dad on career day. 

Through the years, Emma had gotten used to her father’s unpredictable behavior. He loved her to the end of the world and back, and would move mountains for her if he could. And most days, it really really showed. 

But some days, he just wasn’t…there. Emotionally, spiritually, or like today, physically. Her mother had similar episodes, but mostly in mood swings. She got angry sometimes, seemingly over nothing. Never directed at Emma or her brothers, thankfully, but Emma knew that there was something different about her parents. 

She knew the story. She had been told pieces of it growing up, but never allowed to watch the footage. Mama and Papa had been kidnapped and tortured, because they were superheroes, and they were never the same after. The details were vague, and she was told it would be too scary for her to handle every time she asked. But she saw the scars, heard her father’s screams at night. 

Most days, she didn’t want to know.

“Alright! I think that’s everyone!” Miss Bustier called. “Thank you all for participating in our career day! It’s awesome that we have such a wide range of jobs just in this very room!” 

Emma deflated. Her father really wasn’t coming. 

Tom laid a giant hand on her head and rubbed. 

But then, there was a knock at the window. 

“Chat Noir?” Miss Bustier asked. 

The man in black waved as she opened the window. 

“So so sorry I’m late!” He apologized, hopping into the room. “I caught a robber, and I walked him down to the police station and we had to do all this paperwork—“ 

“Papa!” Emma shouted, leaping over her desk. She ran to him, and threw her arms around him in a crushing hug. “You made it!”

“Just in time it seems,” he laughed, hugging her back. “I’m sorry I’m late. Can you forgive me?”

“Of course! Come on, it’s your turn to present!” She took his hand and led him up to the front of the room. “Everyone, this is my dad, Chat Noir! He’s a superhero!” 

—

The next day was Saturday, and Marinette was full of stress up to her neck. She paced poolside, as her family helped set up for the party. 

“Alright, Nino’s on music, Alya’s on Emma duty, Chloe covered catering, mom and dad have the cake, Gabriel and Emilie have decorations…what am I missing?”

“My Lady, you’ve gone over this list a hundred times. We’re fine.” 

“Drinks! I forgot the drinks!” 

Adrien pointed over at the bar. “Luka and Kagami are on drinks, remember? Luka’s making his mimosas for the adults.”

“Oh, right.” Then she pointed at him. “No alcohol, alright? Not with your medication.” 

“Oh come on, these are Luka’s mimosas! I’m gonna get krunk!” 

“Dad’s gonna get krunk?” Asked Hugo, from the pool. 

“No one is getting krunk!” Marinette poked Adrien in the chest. “Look what you started!” 

“I’m only teasing.” Adrien laughed, taking his wife’s hand. “Relax My Lady, it’s a party, a sweet 16 party! Everyone’s here to have fun. And they will as long as we relax.” 

Marinette got close, whispering conspiratorially, “that’s just the thing! Do you remember our sweet sixteen parties?” 

“Well...I didn’t have a party,” Adrien shrugged. “You, Alya, and Nino helped me escape the house and we went to the movies.” 

“Yeah, and they spent the whole time making out, so you and I just sat there awkwardly.” 

“I think I put my arm around you,” he grinned. “My very good friend.” 

She stuck her tongue out at him.

“And your sixteenth...was that the year that Lila told everyone it was on a different day?” 

“And you were the only one who called to confirm it was on the original day, and so you were the only one that showed? Yep, that’s the one. I cried on you for 15 minutes when I realized no one else was coming.” 

“I mean, yeah, that sucked, but we still had fun with your family.” 

“My point is, this is Hugo and Louis’ sixteenth birthday. I want them to have a good one, to have what we couldn’t have.” 

“You have their gifts in your purse, right?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Then I wouldn’t worry about it. Their friends and family are coming, everything looks good, so just relax.” 

Marinette took a deep sigh. “You’re right, my love. Whatever happens, happens, and we’ve done all we can.” 

“The party will be fine, Mom.” Said Louis from a lounge chair. 

“Ah! Louis? Why aren’t you in the pool?” 

“I’m perfectly content just relaxing here. I’ll get hot soon enough and go in the pool.” 

“Are you sure?” 

Adrien wrapped an arm around his wife. “Marinette, let him alone. He’s fine. You know he’s our introvert.” 

“Mama! Papa!” Emma called, running towards them from the hotel elevator. “Look at the swimsuit grandfather Gabriel got me!” She twirled, letting the shimmery, glittery greens, teals, and purples swirl in a kaleidoscope of color. “I look like a mermaid!” 

“You sure do, Princess!” Adrien beamed. 

Emma squealed in delight before running back to Alya. 

“See? All of our kids are enjoying themselves. The guests are slowly trickling in...” he gestured to the elevator where more classmates with gifts arrived. “And no catastrophes yet.” 

“Fine fine, Kitty, I get it. I’ll have a mimosa and lighten up.” 

“Have one for me too!” He called after, as she headed to the bar. 

Soon, the guests arrived. Hugo and Louis had invited their entire class of 18 kids. Some parents stayed to help with chaperoning, and some even brought younger siblings that were friends with Emma. 

It was turning out to be a real shin-dig. 

So far, Marinette felt at ease. The four parents that had stayed were mostly just hanging out at the bar, but the kids were in the pool, and no one was drowning. 

Louis still reclined on the lounger, sunning himself. 

“You're still doing okay over here, kiddo?” 

“Mom, I’m doing so okay. So okay, it’s ridiculous. Nonna Gina brought me over a virgin mimosa, cause everyone’s talking about them. I feel like I’m on vacation.” 

“As long as you’re content, I’m happy. Just wanted to make sure you weren’t feeling left out.” 

“Nah,” he waved her off. “I will go swimming, but I’m going to wait until after eating.” 

“Okay, kiddo.” 

Seeing Hugo happily enthralled in a cannonball contest, and Louis sunning himself like a cat, she decided to check in with her youngest. Though she saw Alya at the bar talking to Kagami, and Emma nowhere in sight. 

This used to make her panic immediately. None of her kids were especially hyper or rambunctious. They didn’t run off on their own, especially without letting her know. 

But there was still a fear, still a niggling doubt in the back of her head that said ‘what if’? 

As calm as possible, she approached the adults at the bar, and asked Alya. “Have you seen Emma?”

“She ran down to the lobby to use the bathroom,” Alya answered casually. 

“Alone?”

“Yeah, Marinette, she’s 12. She can handle going to the bathroom alone.” It was a reassurance, no judgement. Because sometimes, Adrien and Marinette needed a reminder that their children were well adjusted and had plenty of common sense.

Marinette knew that. And it wasn’t the bathroom part she was concerned about. It was the trip down to the lobby by herself. 

She heard a father speak softly, “for superheroes, they are certainly overprotective of their kids. Kind of feel sorry for them.” 

Marinette nodded at Alya, and retreated sheepishly. Was her paranoia ruining her children’s lives? 

“What’s with that look, My Lady?” Adrien asked, softly, sipping on his drink. 

“Sorry, sorry, I just…overheard something I shouldn’t dwell on.” She looked at the drink in his hands, narrowing her eyes. 

“It’s virgin!” He handed it to her. “I promised I was going to quit. Getting plastered at our kid’s birthday would be the worst time for them to find out I have a problem.” 

“It’s not a problem yet, but that’s why I want you to stop. So it doesn’t become one.”

“Hey! Let go Isaac!” Louis’ voice carried over the water. Instantly, Marinette and Adrien were alert and looked to see a larger boy pulling Louis toward the pool by the arm. 

“Hey!” Marinette called out. “Let him go! If he doesn’t want to go swimming, don’t force him!” 

“Oh come on, Lady!” The father from the bar shouted over to her. “What’s the point in having a pool party for your boys if they aren’t even going to go swimming!?”

SPLASH

Louis surfaced with a gasp, and then a defeated “aw man!” 

“Are you okay kiddo?” Marinette asked. “You didn’t have your phone on you, right?”

“No, I’m fine.” He took off his soaked shirt and dropped it on the edge of the pool with a loud plop. “Just…didn’t want to get wet yet.” 

“Dude, come on Isaac, don’t be such a turd!” Hugo chastised. 

“He looked lonely!” Isaac argued. 

“Whatever,” Louis said, defeated. “Just…don’t dunk me, okay?” 

“No promises!”

Adrien frowned at the exchange as Louis swam over closer to his brother. “Isaac, Isaac, why is that name familiar? Is that the kid that’s been picking on Louis? Why is he here?” 

“Oh,” Marinette smacked her head. “That’s what they were asking about!” 

“What? Who?” 

“A few weeks ago, the boys were asking me questions about what to do about a classmate people don’t get along with. They asked if they should include them in the party if they were inviting the rest of the class. I told them that would be the right thing to do, but I didn’t realize they were talking about Louis’ bully!” She groaned. “And it looks like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” She glared at Isaac’s dad at the bar. 

Adrien smiled over at the pool. Both Hugo and Louis were laughing and seemed to be having a good time. It seemed Louis was already over his impromptu dunking. “Our kids are resilient. It’ll take more than that to bring them down.” 

“They are strong.” Marinette breathed. “Stronger than me.” 

It was then that Emma returned. “Hi mama, I’m back. Aunt Alya said I should check in with you because you were worried? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you where I was going.” 

Marinette smiled at her. “It’s fine Emma. You told Aunt Alya, so someone knew. You just know I’m a basket case.” 

Emma frowned at her mom. “You’re not a basket case. You’re just...worried?” 

“Does that bother you? Do I make you feel trapped or smothered?” 

Adrien stared at his wife in horror. Likewise, so did Emma. “No! Not at all!” She hugged her around the waist and added, “Nonnie Cheng worries about where I am too. She says it’s because you went missing, and it’s scared her ever since. I don’t want to scare you, mom.” 

Marinette hugged Emma tightly and said, “I have the best kids in the world.” 

“In that case,” Emma grinned. “Can I have some soda?” 

“Sure, just tell Aunt Kagami what you want.”

“Thanks mom!” She beamed and scurried off. 

“And no running!” Marinette called after. “Girl’s got my clumsy streak. She’ll break her neck.” 

“Crisis averted it seems.” Said Adrien. 

“For now,” Marinette narrowed her eyes. “But Ladybug never rests!” 

Adrien pecked his wife on the lips. “Someone has to be responsible.” 

“Hey pops!” Hugo called from the pool. 

“What’s up?” 

“We’re going to do a diving contest! You should join!” 

“Yeah!” 

“Come on Mr. Dupain-Cheng!” 

“Show us some Chat Noir style!” 

Marinette nudged him. “Go ahead. Show those kids how it’s done.” 

He smirked. “Okay okay.” He took off his shirt and laid it on the lounger by their bags. Then he entered the pool from the shallow end, coming up behind the kids. “How does this diving contest work?” 

“It’s easy!” Said Hugo, “we’re going to take turns coming up with unique ways to jump in the pool. Winner is the best technique, or most creative.”

“I got one!” Said a chubby kid. He climbed out of the pool and up on the diving board. 

“Make room!” Someone called. “Cannon ball champion on the loose!” 

“This is called ‘The Patrick Star’!” He bounced twice, getting real air before leaping out, parallel with the water, arms and legs spread out like a starfish. 

And he collided with the water with a resounding clap, making everyone go, ‘ooo!’ 

The kid surfaced, his entire frontside pink. “Ow.” 

The rest of the class laughed at him. 

One by one, classmates would come up with a dive, though most were a lot more elegant than the first. 

“I call this, ‘The Ladybug’.” A girl said. She ran and jumped, twisting in the air while throwing her arm, mimicking Ladybug’s yo-yo. She managed to say “bug out!” Before she hit the water. Marinette whistled. “She’s got my vote!” 

“Come on, Pops,” said Hugo. “It’s your turn!” 

“I don’t have a—“ 

“Just make something up! Go go!” 

Adrien pulled himself out of the pool and headed toward the diving board, aware of the people watching, curious. 

This was his twin boys’ special day. He had to be impressive. He had to be the cool dad. 

He took a running start, falling into a front flip as he hit the diving board. His adult weight bowed the board with force, sending him up into the air. He curled tightly into a ball, using the momentum to rotate three times, before coming out of the ball and diving seamlessly into the water. 

When he surfaced, the crowd of kids were going wild. They screamed and chanted “Dad! Dad! Dad!” 

Obviously started by his boys. 

Adrien beamed as he treaded water. Being Chat Noir was great, even with all the pain it had brought him. But being his kid’s hero was the absolute best. 

But everything came to a screeching halt as Isaac, the butthole kid, let out a loud, “EWWW!!” Grabbing everyone’s attention. “What’s wrong with your dad’s back!? It’s all gross!”

Adrien slammed his eyes shut, all at once feeling self-conscious. But this was just a dumb teenager. Maybe he didn’t know any better. But before he could gather himself to calmly explain his scars, his boys spoke up for him. 

“It’s scarring, you jerk,” said Louis. 

“He got it from being a superhero, when he was just two years older than we are!” Added Hugo. 

Isaac scoffed, “Chat Noir and Ladybug aren’t real superheroes! Not like the ones in America! All they do is rescue cats from trees and show up for charity events. They don’t even do anything anymore!”

Adrien sloppily backtracked, reaching out for the edge of the pool. 

“Just yesterday, he caught a robber! That’s not nothing!” Hugo defended. 

“Oh yeah?” Said Isaac, “My dad said that they used to fight supervillains, but they couldn’t stop the guy responsible for them! He said they’re losers and failures!” 

“Hey Jean,” said one of the parents. “Tell your kid to shut up.” 

Isaac’s father took a chug from his beer and shrugged. “Someone had to say it.” 

“Monsieur,” said Ladybug with god-like patience. “I suggest you and your son leave. I don’t feel the need to play host to someone who could be so hateful and misinformed.” 

“Misinformed?” The man, Jean, scoffed. “I was there. I saw the stream back then. I remember what it was like. The weekly akumas, classes and events always cancelled. The only reason they stopped is because Hawkmoth gave up. I don’t think you guys should be getting recognition anymore. Sorry, not sorry.” 

“Mom?” Louis called from the pool.

Jean frowned, continuing. “The rest of us have to make a living working hard, every day. You and your husband just put on some skin tight leather and prance around. Now you’re set for life. It’s disgusting.” 

“Hey man, if you don’t like it, you can leave,” said Alya. “No one invited you. I heard your son was only invited out of obligation.” 

“Mom!” Louis called again. 

“Marinette and Adrien suffered enough for a lifetime. Every day is a struggle! How dare you say otherwise!” 

“MOM!” Louis screamed. 

Marinette whipped her head over to the pool, seeing Adrien struggling to keep his head above water. Louis and Hugo were holding him up. She hurried over. “What happened? What’s wrong?” 

“He’s having an attack!” 

Tom rushed over, reaching his hands under Adrien’s arms, and pulled him out of the pool. He tried to set him on his feet, but he kept leaning forward, trying to lay down. His eyes were wide, but unfocused, as his breaths came rapidly. 

Marinette tugged on his arm. “Come on, Kitty. Not here.” She called over to Chloe. “Is there a room we can borrow for a second?”

“Follow me!” 

Louis broke off from the group, but Hugo and Marinette were quick to escort Adrien away from the party. 

“Mom?” Emma asked, right as they were about to get on the elevator. 

“It’s okay, Honey. Dad just needs a minute. Stay behind with Aunt Alya, okay?”

Emma nodded, though didn’t look convinced. 

Chloe showed them to her room, where she quickly got a towel for Adrien to wrap up in. 

Hugo and Marinette eased him down to sit on the couch. There, he slumped, his head resting on the back of the couch. 

Louis found their room, cup in hand. “I brought a coke. I know that usually helps.” 

Marinette sighed in relief. “Thank you baby,” she took the cup from him and put it in Adrien’s hand, then helped him take a sip. 

They sat for a while, watching Adrien breathe slowly and take occasional sips from his drink.

“I’m so sorry boys,” Marinette looked to them sadly. “We didn’t mean to ruin your birthday.”

Hugo frowned at her. “What? You guys didn’t ruin anything. Isaac’s the one that pooped on our party.”

“Yeah,” added Louis, “and we were having a great time up until now. Don’t worry about it mom.” 

Adrien very shakily brought the cup towards his face, and Marinette was quick to help, so he didn’t spill. “Dad’s going to be fine,” she explained. “Why don’t you boys get back to the party?” 

“If it’s okay, I’d like to wait until dad feels a little better. I’d feel guilty if I left,” said Louis.

“Me too,” said Hugo. “And I need a few minutes to calm down to keep from punching Isaac in the face. What he said was dumb. He has no idea what you guys do.” 

“…it shouldn’t have bothered me…” Adrien said, softly. 

“Dad?” 

“I’m okay,” he took a deep exhale. “Just…lost myself for a moment.” 

Hugo hugged him tightly around the shoulders. “Love you, dad. Don’t worry about it.” 

“I’m sorry for scaring you boys…and your friends. But I’ll be alright now.” 

“You recovered pretty quickly,” Marinette noted. 

“It’s because I have my big strong boys with me.” He wrapped his arms around his sons. “There was nothing to worry about.” 

Except, there was. 

Alya burst into the room, Chloe behind her, with a look of panic. 

“Marinette, come quickly!” 

“What? What’s wrong?” 

“It’s Emma! She’s been akumatized!!” 

—

As Emma watched her father be rushed out of the party, a stone fell into her gut. No matter how often this happened, no matter how good they got at catching the attacks, it still scared her when it happened. 

She was torn between wanting to be with him, and not wanting to see that vacant expression on his face. Her mother said it was a coping mechanism he developed a long time ago, when they had been kidnapped. He just switched his brain off when he got overwhelmed, as to not experience pain. It only happened a few times a year, only in super stressful situations where he thought about his torture. 

Emma wiped at her face as she looked over the party. Alya was chastising the adult man that had talked bad about her father, and Hugo and Louis’ friends were ripping into the kid that started the whole mess. 

Everyone was angry and yelling. 

“Emma?” Gabriel asked, resting a hand on her shoulder. “Are you alright, dear?” 

“Oh, Grandfather…” She sniffed. “I’m just…scared.” 

“Your father will be alright. It’s nothing physical, it’s just a mental state.” 

“I know…” She screwed up her lips. “But I’m scared people are going to keep saying that stuff to him. Mom acts like I’m too young to understand what’s happening…but people are forgetting that they are real superheroes, and they act like they’re mascots. I’m scared this is going to happen again.” She rubbed at her damp eyes. “He doesn’t deserve it. Neither of them do.” 

“You really love your parents, don’t you?” 

“Of course! They’re the best!”

“Then, I have a plan. Would you be willing to help?”

“Of course, what is it?”

“Come with me, we’ll speak in private.” 

Curious, Emma followed Gabriel into the hotel, down to a conference room. He locked the door behind them. 

“You remember our little secret?” 

“That I know you were Hawkmoth?” 

“Yes. My plan requires me to come out of retirement, just this once…and to akumatize you.” 

She looked startled. “You want to turn me into a supervillain?”

“Only if you agree to it, dear.” He pet her hair. “My goal is to make you a supervillain, so you can terrorize Paris and remind them of what Ladybug and Chat Noir used to do. I’ll be able to see through your eyes, so I can stop and undo any damage if something goes wrong.” 

Emma crossed her arms. “You’d make mom and dad fight me?”

“Not fight you, rescue you.”

She frowned again, thinking about it. Then she nodded. “Let’s do it!” 

Gabriel smiled at her, and opened his sports jacket, where Nooroo was hiding. “Nooroo, Dark Wings rise!” 

In a flash of purple light, Hawkmoth had returned. Inside his cane, a little white butterfly fluttered. 

Emma danced on her toes. “What kind of powers are you going to give me? I want to be pretty!” 

He chuckled at her eagerness. “Of course, my sweet Emma.” He evilized the butterfly, and then coaxed it into the paw print bracelet she was wearing. 

A purple mask appeared on her face.

“Mermaidia, I’m giving you the power of the seas. You may travel through any body of water, and turn those that oppose you into sea creatures. In exchange, you must give Chat Noir and Ladybug a taste of nostalgia. Do you accept these terms?” 

“Absolutely, Hawkmoth.” 

The dark purple fog encompassed Emma, turning the sweet blonde girl into a real mermaid, with purple hair, shimmering scales, and an abundance of glittering gold and jewels. In her hand, she held a trident. 

Hawkmoth took a bottle of water from the table, and poured it on the floor. 

Mermaidia stepped into the puddle, and disappeared. 

—

“Regardless if you feel like you’re right, it’s still your opinion. And an opinion doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole, especially to people who are hosting this party!” Shouted Alya. 

The rest of the parents were quietly watching the exchange, not really wanting to get involved. But they were also paying attention to a similar argument in the pool. 

“You are a grown adult and a parent. It’s your job to teach your kid respect and kindness, two qualities I haven’t seen from him today.” 

“Look lady, I know you’re friends with the Dupain-Cheng’s and all, but come on. It doesn’t bother you that they don’t work at all? What’s the point of them calling themselves superheroes anyway? They should just hang up the suits and get real jobs.” 

“They. Can’t.” Alya emphasized. “Did you not just see what happened to Adrien? What if he was working and he had an attack? What then, smart guy?”

“He won’t have attacks if he was doing something with his life!” 

“They are full time parents, and full time heroes! They do more than just ‘rescue cats and make celebrity appearances at charity events’! How can you be so ignorant?!”

“What did you call me!?” 

Screams came from the pool, and the argument halted. 

Mermaidia had made her appearance. 

“I am Mermaidia! You all have grown too soft and comfortable! I’m here to remind you what it was like back when there were akuma!” She laughed, pointed her trident, and turned a child into a fish. 

The party descended into madness, as Mermaidia shot rapidly. None of the teens in the pool escaped, and all turned into various fish and sea creatures. 

Isaac turned into a starfish, and Emma stuck him to her arm. “You’re coming with me. I want you to see how wrong you were.” 

Several adults had tried to escape as well, but Mermaidia stopped them in their run. 

Only those who knew the identity of Hawkmoth, or were previous Miraculous users didn’t panic. Rather, they stood staring, confused. Alya backed away carefully, and escaped into the hotel. Whether Emma purposely let her go or not, she would never know.

“Emma?” Asked Sabine. 

“I’m not Emma anymore, I’m Mermaidia!” She turned Isaac’s father into another starfish, and stuck him on her other arm. “You mocked my parents, but now, they’re the only ones that can save you! Ahahaha!” 

“Emma, stop.” Tom demanded. “You’re a good girl. We can’t let what people say get to us. People will always have their opinions that we disagree with, but we can’t take it personally.” 

“But I can take this personally!” She shouted back. “My father is the greatest man alive, and no one will doubt that when I’m through! Just you see!” 

She turned the rest of the assembled party goers into creatures, before leaping into the pool and disappearing.

—

Ladybug, Chat Noir, Alya, Chloe, Louis, and Hugo all returned to the party, only to find a bunch of fish. 

“What the…?” 

“She’s called Mermaidia,” Alya clarified. “She’s turned everyone into sea creatures. She appeared from the water, so I think she can transport through liquid.”

“She totally can, dude,” said a sea turtle from the pool. 

“Nino?” Asked Chat Noir. 

“Cha dude, what do you think? Pretty fitting for me, huh?” 

“Are you okay?”

“Totally. All the little dudes are too.” He gestured to the fish in the pool. 

“Emma turned the kid and his dad who started the argument into starfish.” Said a sea-snake. “They’re on her arms. So be careful when you attack.”

“Luka?”

“Yep.”  

“Where’s my mom and dad?” 

“Over here!” Called a walrus. There was a crab next to him, waving a claw. “We’re fine, honey. Just save Emma!” 

“Next question,” Said Ladybug, wielding her yo-yo angrily. “Where’s Gabriel?”

Chat Noir rested a hand on her shoulder. “Let’s focus on saving Emma, and then we’ll find him.” 

She sighed. “You’re right, as always, kitty. However, I think we might need some help with this akuma.” She opened her yo-yo and reached inside, pulling out two octagonal boxes. Then she turned to Hugo and Louis. “I hoped to give you your presents later, and hoped you wouldn’t ever have to use them. But desperate times come desperate measures.” 

Hugo and Louis smiled at each other, with excitement. 

“Louis, my wise, observant, and cunning child, this is the Miraculous of the Snake. With it, you can turn back time an infinite amount of times in a five minute duration. You will use it for the greater good.”

“Sweet.” 

“And Hugo, my brave, bold, and exuberant child, this is the Miraculous of the Turtle. With it, you can create an impenetrable shield. You will use it for the greater good.”

“Yes!” 

“Louis, to transform, simply say ’Sass, Scales Slither.’ And Hugo, your phrase is ‘Wayzz, Shell On’.”

“Sass, Scales Slither!”

“Wayzz, Shell On!” 

A flash of green and teal, and the boys were turned into superheroes. They high fived each other. 

“The Reptile Boyz are back in town!” Hugo cheered. 

“Really? ‘Boyz’ with a ‘Z’?” Chat Noir asked flatly.

“It’s cool, old man!” Said Louis. 

“Alright team, let’s focus,” Ladybug said, a bit too fondly for the situation at hand. She took out her yo-yo, and looked for intel. There was a special report live from Nadja Chamack. 

“—Mermaidia is the first Akuma in 20 years! It was thought that Hawkmoth had retired, but it seems he has one ace left up his sleeve. The akuma was last spotted at the Luxembourg park! Hopefully, Ladybug and Chat Noir are on their way! Again, this is a real akuma, so it is advised to stay indoors and away from water!” 

“She’s at the park! Let’s go!” 

—

This wasn’t nearly as scary as Emma thought it would be. In fact, she was having a lot of fun. Hawkmoth did advise her that she would be influenced by her anger, but that really didn’t seem to bother her. It was really fun to turn people into sea creatures. 

Though, she did feel really guilty when she hit people that were crying in fear. 

But that’s what her parents were here for! To undo all this! It was fine! 

“I am Mermaidia! And Ladybug and Chat Noir are your only chance for salvation!” 

“Now now Emma,” Chat Noir spoke from behind. “Go easy on us. We’re a little wet behind the ears.” 

Emma had to stomp down the urge to run and hug her father, and instead declared. “There you are, Ladybug and Chat Noir! Ready to do battle?” 

Ladybug simply crossed her arms. “If you don’t give up your akuma, you’re grounded.” 

Mermaidia stomped her foot. “You can’t ground me if you can’t catch me!” And she leapt into the fountain. 

“She’s escaping!” Cried Hugo. 

“Quick, fan out! Look for sources of water, and call as soon as you get sight of her!” 

—

This was not Hugo or Louis’ first time using a Miraculous. Every once in a while, Marinette and Adrien would allow the children to pick one out to try, and then they’d have a family game of tag out on the Paris rooftops. The rules were to stay safe, and to not allow the media to take pictures. And at the first sign of danger, they were supposed to go home and let Mom and Dad handle it. 

So the boys were familiar with their powers, but boy, they were not ready for the anxiety of an Akuma attack. 

They may have been older, but Emma was still the reigning champion of tag. 

“Find anything?” Louis asked, crossing his brother. 

“Not a scale,” said Hugo. “Have you activated your Second Chance yet?” 

“No, but I will the second we find her. Then if she escapes, we can just reverse time.” 

“Smart.” Then, Hugo’s eyes caught on something in the river. “Huh?”

“What?”

“How often do you think whales go down the Seine?” 

“Uh…never?” 

“There she is! She’s on top of it!” Hugo activated his distress beacon on his shield, making sure to keep up with Emma, but also stay out of sight. 

“We have to play this carefully. She can literally jump into the water and disappear at any second.” 

“Not if there’s no water to disappear into,” said Chat Noir, appearing from nowhere. 

Hugo resisted a scream. “D-Chat! You’re too sneaky!”

“I’ve been doing this a while, kiddo. Ladybug’s not here yet?” 

“No, what’s the plan?”

“I have half a plan…”

“Then it’s a good thing I have half of one too!” Said Ladybug, finally joining them. “After you sent your signal, I called the French Waterway Commission and had them close the lock she’s on.” 

“What did what the what?” Hugo asked. 

“The river is made up of locks,” explained Louis, “chambers that fill and empty with water so boats can travel. The ground isn’t level, and the water level changes.” 

“So Ladybug basically had them dam up the section Emma’s on right now,” said Chat.

“But she can still travel through water, so once she reaches the dam, she’ll just abandon ship, er, whale.” Hugo observed. “So then what?”

“Then we put my plan into action,” Chat cracked his knuckles, and stealthily made his way to the river bank. 

Louis and Hugo watched in fascination as Chat called his Cataclysm and touched the water. In a boiling wave, it rolled quickly past Emma, evaporating as it went. It didn’t even have time to settle, just went up in a cloud of steam. 

The whale that Emma was on run ashore, and she came to a halt. “What?”

“Nowhere to run now, little girl!” Ladybug called. 

Mermaidia jumped from the back of the whale and landed in the sand. It wasn’t even damp. Chat had literally evaporated all the water in that section of the river. 

“Second Chance!” Louis activated his bracelet. And just in time too, as Mermaidia shot a beam at Ladybug, and turned her into a dolphin. “Second Chance!”   

Time restarted, and Louis shouted. “Ladybug, dive!” 

Ladybug dove out of the way, missing the three shots Mermaidia took. 

“I’m not going to take it easy on you just because you’re my mother!” Emma shouted. “So let’s show Paris what a real superhero looks like, hmm?” 

“Oh you are so grounded when this is over, little lady!” She dodged another blast, and called for her Lucky Charm. 

Hugo called for Shelter while she glanced around, looking for the purpose of the tennis racket her Miraculous had bestowed upon her.

Then it dawned on her. 

A grounding wasn’t enough for her naughty child. Oh no. This called for the big guns.

The second Hugo’s Shelter faded, she shot out her yo-yo, catching Emma around the arms, and yanked her to lay across her leg. Hugo and Louis peeled the captive starfish off, while Chat took the trident. All the while Mermaidia wriggled around, fighting against the yo-yo string. 

“No akuma in the trident, my lady.” Chat Noir shrugged. 

“Oh, I’ll get it out of her.” Ladybug raised the tennis racket. “Where’s the akuma at, Emma?” 

“This is cheating!” 

“Okay, you asked for it.” And Ladybug brought the tennis racket down on her bottom, once, twice, three times before Emma cried out. “Okay okay! It’s in my bracelet! Stop! Stop!”

Chat broke the bracelet, freeing the butterfly, as Ladybug set her crying daughter down in the sand. 

She caught and purified the butterfly, and removed everyone from the bank of the river before casting her cure. 

Emma Dupain-Cheng returned, pouting, and still rubbing her behind. “I was just trying to help…” 

“Where’s your Grandfather?” 

“He’s in a conference room at the hotel. But don’t be mad at him, please…” 

Before Ladybug could yell more, Isaac and his father approached her. “Uh, Ladybug?” 

“Yes?”

“Look, I wanted to—we wanted to apologize. Thank you for rescuing us, and I’m sorry. I guess I had forgotten what it was like having akumas around. You still stopped Hawkmoth, right? Well…until today…” 

“Hawkmoth is a friend of ours now,” Ladybug clarified. “He’s paid for his crimes, but today has shown that he hasn’t quite learned the right way to deal with problems. I believe he was well intentioned, but we will be having words.” 

Isaac’s father nudged his son. “You want to say anything?” 

Isaac shyly looked at the family and admitted, “thank you for inviting to the party. No one invites me to things.” 

“Yeah, well, work on your boundary issues, and maybe it’ll happen more often,” said Louis. 

“If you guys want to head back to the hotel, I think there’s still time for cake!” Said Chat, with optimism. 

—

After the Miraculous cure restored the party, everyone gathered again and lunch was served. 

But, the Dupain-Chengs were in the conference room. Marinette and Adrien frowned at their youngest and Gabriel. 

“Now, son--” Gabriel began. 

“What were you thinking?” Adrien interrupted. 

“I was thinking that Paris needed a little reminder of all the hard work you guys did.” 

“Yeah, cool,” sniped Marinette. “Except now they think you’re out of retirement, and that’s a huge reminder that we didn’t stop you!” 

Gabriel took the brooch off. “Then here. Make it official. Tell them that this akuma was my swan-song and I made it to surrender.” 

Marinette took the brooch regardless, and put it in her bag. “I don’t know what I’ll say to the media. They’ll want to know who you are, and if you’re going to prison…and akumatizing your own granddaughter?” 

“I told him I was okay with it!” Said Emma. “I knew what I was getting into. It’s not that big of a deal!” 

“Not that big of a deal!?” 

There was a knock on the door, as Hugo and Louis peeked their heads in. “There you are, Grandfather!” 

“Hi boys,” he smiled at them, softly. 

The twins pushed passed their parents to stand in front of him, arms crossed, just like Marinette and Adrien. 

“What you did was terrible,” Said Louis. 

“So awful,” echoed Hugo. 

“You could have permanently hurt or traumatized people.” 

“Done thousands of dollars of property damage.” 

Gabriel sighed. “I know…I just—“ But he was cut off as the boys wrapped him up in a tight hug. “What?”

“Thanks for the coolest present ever!” 

“Yeah! Mom gave us our Miraculous, but the chance to use them on a real akuma!?” 

“Hey!” Shouted Emma. “I was the akuma! No thanks for me!?”

They gave her a noogie. “Thanks twerp.” 

“You’re a twerp!” 

Marinette and Gabriel met eyes. He gave a sheepish shrug. “I know I’m bad. But I deeply love my family.” 

She then gave up trying to be angry. “Alright fine. I admit it. It was fun to fight an akuma again. But it’s over now!” 

Adrien shook his head fondly. “Thanks for meddling dad.” 

“Your welcome, son.” 

“I want cake!” Hugo shouted. 

“Cake time!” 

“Yay cake!” 

“No cake for Emma. Only broccoli.” Marinette clarified. “You were naughty.” 

“Aw man!!” 

--

AND THAT’S THE END! 

Oh my word this story got AWAY from me! It was only supposed to be maybe 20 chapters when I first started on it? But here we are, a year and a half later, and over 200,000 words! I kinda can’t believe I’m done! 

Anyways, thank you all for sticking around through all the heartache. I appreciated every single review and like. And one parting question: What was your favorite part?

[ruubles]

A Bundle of Crimson Roses (Pt.3)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Pairing: Chuuya Nakahara x Reader

Warnings: Cursing , Alcohol , Suggestive Themes , Gore , Blood, Violence

Word Count: 6790

Y/N) stood at the back of the gazebo, her body leaned atop the white wooden rail as she stared out across the well maintained garden. Flowers twisted in the moonlight and swayed in the gentle breeze, rose bushes stood without a branch out of place and recently pruned, and the fountain brought a continuous stream of sound. These little details had been the focus of her attention, the only thing dragging her mind away from the bodiless head sitting on the ground behind her.

She hadn’t brought herself to do anything with it yet, leaving it there in hopes that maybe it was just a hallucination, but the longer she stood the more the realization came crashing down. In her time under the Port Mafia she’d seen, and done, horrible things that were considerably worse than this. Even so, she was shocked that someone would risk their life to get the corpse only to leave its head behind as a warning. 

That’s what this was. A warning.

A warning to stay away. A warning to not track these people down. Whoever had been responsible for this murder was dangerous and they wanted the mafia to know that. They not only created a drug that could remove someone’s ability, but they went through all the trouble of tracking the victim down to keep this information from them. It was a basic strategy but well thought for this situation. As long as they left behind as little traceable evidence as possible then it would be near impossible to find the culprit.

“Fuck. That sure explains the missing body.” (Y/N) had lost herself in thoughts of the situation and hadn’t noticed Chuuya’s approach. She didn’t bother to turn around and listened as he approached her, his steps were shallow light as he took the longest route around the head. After a moment she felt him beside her, his arms crossed and laid on the railing. “You should have told me you found something, I was still searching the house!”

He huffed a little as he spoke, eyes focused ahead just as hers were. “Sorry, I guess I got caught up thinking about something. I haven’t had a partner in quite some time.”

“Tch. You don’t have to apologize, I’m not used to a partner either. Last time I had one, it was that shitty Dazai.” 

(Y/N) chuckled, her grim face shifting to one with a slight smile. She shook her head at the mention of the suicidal man, he was quite the topic in the Port Mafia, even after he abandoned them. “I was never that close with Dazai, but I knew of him through a friend. It would seem many people perceive him in different ways.”

“Many people don’t like him, and I couldn’t agree with those people more.” Chuuya turned to look at (Y/N), finally acknowledging that she had at some point turned to face him. Her (E/C) eyes met his and he could see that glint in them, not the one of seriousness from this morning, but the playfulness he’d seen in her last night.

“Who are you Chuuya Nakahara?”

The question was a strange question, similar to the ones he’d been asked when they first met only twenty-four hours before. “That’s a dumb question for someone Mori spoke so highly of.”

“I’m no fool Chuuya Nakahara, I’ve looked into the case files of almost every high ranking member of the Port Mafia. You are the person with the least amount of information. I was able to get more from Mori’s own public file than your private one.” (Y/N) backed away from the ledge and took a few steps away from Chuuya, carefully watching her movements to stay a good distance from the head. “I’m working with someone who I know nothing about. Mori knows you’re loyal to him, but I have no reason to believe that you wouldn’t shoot me if the opportunity provided itself.”

“Now why would I do that? Mori made you my partner, and I’m not going to disobey a direct order from him.” Chuuya scoffed and turned to face her. “Plus you’re one to talk about minimal information when your file doesn’t exist. I may not be the most strategic person in this mafia, but I do like knowing who I’m dealing with.”

“It would seem we’ve hit a roadblock then. My files, both public and private, were burned upon request and I assume the missing information from yours is also ash.” (Y/N) stepped towards Chuuya, their eyes locked in a challenge with one another. Her eyes changed rapidly to a dark piercing gaze, as if the trust she’d gained for him had drained at a rapid pace. “I have no doubt that our partnership will be beneficial in this case, but if neither of us trust one another then I see no reason for us to be friends.”

~x~

Chuuya’s eyes remained glued to the road ahead, his ears honed in on the quiet breathing of the seat diagonal to his own. If he focused he could see the faint outline of a person in his peripheral vision, but their body still remained shrouded in darkness. (Y/N) had chosen to sit in the back of his car, to the seat opposite of her was a bloody bag securely buckled down. 

They hadn’t spoken even a word after their show down in the gazebo, perhaps newfound apprehension had been built between both parties. Few people knew of Chuuya’s past, but he understood that the mystery made any relations he had with another person difficult. For all (Y/N) knew he was a treacherous fiend that would stab her at moments notice. Though that statement applied for him as well, he had done his digging in the hours before he’d seen her standing alone outside and the stories of her did not disappoint.

The woman without a face, that was the constant whenever they mentioned her. He hadn’t a clue what it meant but whatever it was made her dangerous. Far more than most people of the mafia. Tidbits of information wormed their way into his mind, some of which were likely untrue, but the more he learned the less he really knew. From what he’d been told she’d joined the mafia at a fairly young age, just a little bit before the Dragon’s Head Conflict, and during the conflict was when her true strength had come to light. Mori promoted her just after the whole fight started, but he told no one but Daza and a few people who knew of her.

“Tomorrow I propose we go to the scene of the fight. We could likely find some bullet casings or leftover blood. It could be a lead for where to find these people.” Chuuya could see in his eyes that even though she was speaking to him, she hadn’t turned away from the window. 

“We could go in the morning and-”

“Afternoon.” She cut him off. “I have business to attend tomorrow morning and I would much rather not be forced to reschedule. My apologies for cutting you off, but please continue.”

Chuuya rolled his eyes but made no comment on her rude interruption. “Then we can meet up tomorrow afternoon; Do you need a ride?”

(Y/N) hummed to herself for a moment before answering him. “If it isn’t too much trouble. My business is at a bakery on Southwest Street: Kim’s Kreamy Delights. They have some of the best sweets I’ve ever tried, I’m a big fan of their Dasik, but Mrs.Kim only makes them on Lunar New Year. When it’s not around that time, I usually get a kkwabaegi.”

“You seem well acquainted with sweet treats, I assume you know that they aren’t healthy.” Chuuya’s comment was somewhat judgmental, but it seemed to fly over (Y/N)’s head. Her mind still focused on the warm treats she would get whenever she was in town.

“I know that, but I do things for the enjoyment of myself. We are members of a mafia Chuuya, I’ve never expected to live a long life, nor a happy one. If you wish to judge then do so but I will not be changing my habits based on your criticism.” He had thought she hadn’t noticed the backhanded rudeness he’d displayed but it seems as though she had. 

There was a strange silence that fluttered through the air of the car as the light of the city finally made its way through the car's windows. Slowly the trees on the outer rim of the city turned to buildings and the streetlamps illuminated the faces, every post passing by in a fleeting second before another one replaced the eerie orange light. Chuuya’s car sped down the street, not one to abide by normal street laws, and every sharp turn brought them closer to the mafia’s headquarters. 

After a couple of minutes he pulled up in front of the towering building, its floors spiralling upwards into the stars. Several windows could be seen alive with a blazing light, not a strange sight considering many of the mafia’s business matters occurred during this time of night. Usually Chuuya would be in there monitoring what went on in every crevice of that building, but instead he was heading home to an empty apartment where he’d be receiving regularly spaced messages updating him on what was going on. It had been Mori’s order for him to get some rest, but the work of a mafia member was never done when night fell.

“Are you sure I can’t drop you off at the place you’re staying at? I don’t mind driving a little further.” Chuuya had extended his offer not because he was kind, but because Mori had been clear that someone should be looking out for this woman. He’d gone as far as assigning Hirotsu to monitor her, there had to be a reason he’d want someone of such importance to watch out for someone as capable as an executive.

“I’ll be fine, but thank you for the offer. There’s some papers I want to take a look at before going to my residence.” (Y/N) opened the door of the car, bringing both her legs out onto the sidewalk with a gentle click of her heels. She hesitated before turning back around. Her hand latched onto the top of the sheet that they had used as a handle and dragged the head towards her. “I truly am sorry for my words earlier. One of my bad habits is trying to forget my past, and I let that get to me. If it’s okay, I would like to take back my rude words.”

That was surprising. In the garden, (Y/N) had been so serious and gave off the same feeling that Mori gave off whenever someone questioned his authority. She was authoritative when she spoke of her burned files and her going back on her word of their relationship being nothing more than partners was something he hadn't expected. Thirty minutes ago he’d fully been prepared for her to be just another person he sees at work, but yet here she was apologizing. Every time they spoke it was like talking to another person, but this is the one who he’d met that had no apprehensions brought about by their job; This was the woman who was behind the mask of the mafia.

“I’m not one for friends.” (Y/N) had tried to hide the slight slump of her shoulders at his words, but he noticed the slight change before she stepped out of his car. She closed the door without turning around and began to walk towards the building's entrance. Chuuya rolled the window down and called out. “But I would like to try one of those kkwabaegi you were telling me about.”

She stopped her motions and turned to face him with the smallest of smiles on her face. “You butchered that name.”

“Oh shut up!” He snapped before rolling up the window and speeding off. (Y/N) watched as his car went down the street and eventually turned the corner. Her (E/C) bleary with a tiredness she’d held for so long. They were far from friends, but in the mafia did anyone really have a friend? A life like theirs was not made for relationships greater than the ones they formed at work and that was a fact (Y/N) had learned a long time ago. She didn’t expect anything from Chuuya, but she hoped that maybe when this was all over that there might be someone who wants her to stick around.

“So are you enjoying your new partner?” The voice was deep and sudden, there had been no one around moments before. (Y/N) showed no surprise of this person's newfound presence; She had known the moment he had appeared behind her. “The kids aren’t mad, but they are expecting you to take them out for ice cream. You’d better not disappoint them or I’ll pour all your wine into a bush.”

“Oh come on Isaac, I may not be the most caring person in the world but I wouldn’t disappoint those kids. Not again.” (Y/N) turned to face her friend. Isaac stood with his head turned up as he let out a puff of air and watched as it turned white and then disappeared. He wore the same outfit he wore whenever he was bartending: A dark gray button up tucked into a pair of pitch black jeans, simple but with the added spice of five undone buttons to reveal a well sculpted body beneath. He was a person of habit. “Did you just finish a shift?”

“No? What gave you that idea?” They walked side by side to one another, Isaac’s hand buried in his pocket as they approached the building. 

(Y/N) stopped in her tracks, a deadpan expression replacing the sly smile she’d worn moments before. “You cannot tell me that outfit is the extent of your closet.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean!” Isaac snapped, hand pulled from his pocket as he balled his fingers into a fist. “I have better fashion than you Ms.I-Dress-Like-An-Cubicle-Worker.”

“Oh quit it, you’re acting so childish, Isaac.” (Y/N) shook her head and walked into the building, neither of the guards questioning her presence much. Her comrade followed her lead and stayed close as though fearful of being found for being out of place. “I thought better of you.”

“Oh shut it you hag, let’s just get this over with.”

~x~

“I doubt there’s anything left at the scene of the fight. Especially if you say it's a city owned warehouse.” Isaac sighed and fell back on his chair before continuing. “They’re easy to access and I doubt that someone willing to go through all the trouble of disposing the body wouldn’t clear that place out.”

Mori sat at his usual spot at the head of the table, silent as he listened to both (Y/N) and Isaac shoot ideas off one another. He seemed enthralled in his own thoughts as he considered a plan of action. They all sat close to one another, Mori at the head of his table with one of them sitting in a chair on either side of the table. So close there was no need for their voices to be raised and that meant that anyone outside would have a hard time listening in.

It was strange for someone so strong and hated like Mori to allow an outsider like Isaac to ever be near him, but after all Mori had done for them both he trusted them more than a lot of the members of the mafia. (Y/N) was his executive and by extension Isaac was loyal, though he would not hold his tongue around him like she would.

“(Y/N), you must have an assumption as to who is behind this. Please clarify who it is.” Mori wanted to hear all the information, even if it might be wrong.

“Is that really even a question, Ougai? You’ve had the same assumption considering you didn’t only bring me back here, but you called a meeting with my old partner.” (Y/N) was apprehensive to continue, her idea had a lot of backing and would likely be true. For now it was only that, an idea, but the more they investigate the closer she’ll get to the life she used to have. “I think it was them. That old man is smart and a drug like this isn’t far from something he’d do.”

Isaac gritted his teeth, trying to find an argument for why it wouldn’t be them. Anything to keep the idea of them coming back out of his mind. They’d spent so much effort to escape their past and join Mori that even a possibility of the past coming back to haunt them was pestilent. “There wasn’t anything left with the part of the body they left behind. It’s protocol to leave them with every single body, you know that.”

“Of course I do, but there are exceptions to that rule! Given a direct order from him you don’t have to-”

“And if it is absolutely impossible, I know.” Isaac cut her off to continue his idea. “Something like this, so large, the old man wouldn’t want to let anyone take credit for it. He wants people to know it's them so they’ll be afraid.”

“There were roses in her garden.”

“You said she had a garden full of flowers of all kinds.” He argued back, hand hitting the table a bit too harshly. “A couple of roses bushes doesn’t fucking matter!”

“Enough.” Mori interjected. He’d taken both Isaac and (Y/N) in at a young age, but they both had a tough time before he found them. They may not have been together these past few years but they are still better partners than any two people who ever graced the mafia. Above all Mori sought to keep things neutral between them both so that they wouldn’t say anything they’d regret when things calmed down. “We have to think rationally and take a moment to talk it over. Neither of you are foolish, I’ve seen the things you can accomplish together but tensions are high right now. For now we assume it’s  one of the recent organizations who have stood against us.”

It was silent for a moment as the pair thought things over. They’d lived a long life with shared pains but they both had managed to come out better for it. Isaac was raising five kids and smiled everyday as though it were his last, on the other hand (Y/N) buried herself in work and drowned herself with expensive delicacies to erase it all. They were like family and neither of them would blame the other for how things went after Oda’s death.

“If it’s not?” Isaac’s voice was low and gravelly as though he were on the verge of tears. It was weak and pitiful, but it explained exactly how they were feeling. “What if it is them, Mori? Do we fight them? We won’t win that.”

“It isn’t them.” (Y/N) cut in before Mori could say a word. “It can’t be. We went through so much to slaughter them during the Dragon’s Head Conflict. The numbers don’t lie, nearly every branch was pruned because of us. To come back now, and with enough people to even consider facing the Port Mafia, is impossible.”

Isaac slid his chair back and stood up, dark eyes more gloomy than they were glossy. “You seem to forget (Y/N), pruning is done to help a plant grow.”

~x~

Chuuya looked from his phone to the fancy hotel he’d parked across the street from. His eyes held hesitation as he scanned across the messages on his device one final time. Part of him wanted to ignore the messages and just go home, but doing this had become a ritual. A guilty pleasure that helped calm his riled nerves.

‘I don’t have work tonight if you want to drop by our special spot.’

‘C’mon Chuuya, at least let me know if you’re going to show up. I need to know if I should open the champagne sooner rather than later.’

‘Fine. I’ll be waiting, but until then let me leave you with a special present.”

‘Attachment: 1 Image’

Chuuya’s eyes scanned across the image once again, to say it was scandalous was an understatement. There was no face presented in the image, instead the picture captured a woman’s body adorned in a set of elegant hand-woven red lace lingerie. He wasn’t unfamiliar with the outfit considering he’d been the one to take it off her many times before.

Their relationship was nothing more than a late at night call whenever they needed to relieve some stress. Neither of them knew much of the other, their names had come the first night they’d grabbed a drink and their sexual desires came soon after. Though there were a few things he noticed: Her schedule was not linear, he’d get spontaneous messages throughout the month asking if he were free. Most of the time he could clear just a bit of time and make his way here to meet with her for a few hours.

They’d been doing this for months at this point and he still couldn’t wrap his head around the stupidity of his actions. Everytime he said he would end things off and never see her again, then as though he were wrapped around her finger he would be back here: Car parked in the same spot as always and his route to the room the same. A member of the mafia took a risk two or three times a month to visit a woman whose life he hadn’t a clue of.

Using his memory, Chuuya made his way through the lobby, passing by a clerk who offered a knowing nod in his direction. It was the same thing time after time but that familiarity was something he clung to. No one questioned him. No one asked why he did something. No one looked to him for answers. It was the opposite of what he did for work, but it was so much more freeing. 

Taking the elevator up, Chuuya watched as the red numbers changed, going up one by one until finally the number fifteen. One final chime echoed through the metal cage and the doors slid open into a long spiraling hallway. Three steps out of the elevator, three doors to the right, and on his left. That path he’d memorized after his third meeting with this strange woman.

With a deep breath Chuuya tried to prepare himself to end this debacle that could become scurrilous if things were to go wrong. He opened the door and slid into the room quietly as though trying to go unnoticed. The sound of a running shwoer gently swayed throughout the room and he knew that she was getting ready for what she presumed to be his imminent arrival. He slid off his cape and hung it on the coat rack besides the door, his hat following suit.

The water shut off and a voice called out to him from somewhere beyond sight. “Oh Chuuya~”

Her voice was sweet as it called, drawing out the a at the end of his name to grab his attention. Getting the message he walked from the main room into the small, but still fairly large, bedroom. There she stood, body wrapped in a white towel that barely covered the most private portions of her body. 

Alberta Einstein. She was a beauty to behold; her almond shaped eyes holding the deepest most dark irises you might ever see as if they were shadows coming to life with no light reflecting off of them. Long  white hair would usually be flowing down her back and sway gently every time she took a step. Her figure was lean but she seemed to have curves in places that would make any man fall in a matter of moments. Now, standing bare in a bath towel, she was ravishing. Droplets of water dripping from her body and onto the floor, running from her neck down to her towel, and more littering the floor of the bathroom.

“I wasn’t sure you would show.” Her feet sunk into the carpet as she walked towards Chuuya, imprints of water marking her chosen pathway. Once close enough, her hand danced around his top button before easily sliding it undone. Slowly she moved to the second button and slowly began to undo it as well, but she hesitated. “Something wrong?”

Her eyes danced up to meet his, a shade so dark that his light blue eyes could never fathom their depths. “We should stop this.”

“You’re quite right, Chuuya. This relationship is going no where and it never will: We’ve been having casual sex for months but neither of us have caught an ounce of feelings.” She leaned into his lips, heat fanning across his face as she spoke, still continuing to fiddle with his buttons. “But isn’t that the fun part, my dearest Nakahara? Life isn’t about love even if people wish it was; It’s about enjoying yourself so much that you can’t possibly find it in your soul to frown.”

She leaned in and finally met his lips in the softest most gentle kiss she’d ever given to him. Her lips were warm as she pressed her body flush against his. With quick hands she undid the buttons at a much faster pace than the one she’d set before. Chuuya knew better than to let her do this once again but he quickly melted into her touch. Their lips entwined with one another as her mouth parted to let a gentle moan escape.

“I must say your sexual prowess surprises me. For such a short man you truly are skilled in bed.” She taunted his height, attempting to mask it with a compliment. They’d played this game time and time before.

“Tch. Same as always Ally, crude and judgemental so much so that you can’t even acknowledge your own shortcomings.” He moved from her lips to just under her ear, teeth grazing against her earlobe and sending a shudder down and throughout her body. “Last time we were together I specifically remember you getting so worked up that you could barely beg for more.”

She smirked and gulped down a large portion of air. Ally was not nervous, it was apparent on her face, instead she was excited. “That’s because I’m not a beggar.”

Chuuya had a response gliding across his tongue but before it could come out the incessant ringing of a phone bleared through the room. Ally let out an audible groan and pushed Chuuya away, hand lingering on his unbuttoned shirt for just a bit too long. Part of him wanted to pull her back but then he reasoned with himself and realized that his wish of ending things could still come true. With the interference of an outsider he had caught the slipup he’d made many times before.

“What the hell do you want, Thomas?” Ally snapped through her phone, she paced back and forth as she listened to the person on the other line. After a moment she stopped dead in her tracks. “You really are useless without me. Fine, fine I didn’t mean it.”

She turned to Chuuya and gave that smile, the same one he’d often give her when his work called him away from the hotel room. Though this time he was pleasantly surprised by the situation. Furthering contact with someone so wrapped in mystery was not beneficial in any way. If anything it was dangerous and reckless. She meant nothing to him and that feeling was mutual, so neither of them had any real attachments to one another. It was best to end things here so that neither of them had too many hard feelings when things would inevitably go bad in a few more months. Casual sex and a freind with benefits was the closest he’d ever get to a real relationship given his line of work, but even that was something he hadn’t saught after much in his time.

“I was busy.” She growled into her phone before taking a deep breath and calming her nerves. After a moment her resolve and anger faded in one swift motion and she sighed. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes, just wait for me in the meeting room okay?”

With a final goodbye she hung up the phone and tossed it onto the bed. She followed suit with her phone and fell onto the white bedding, face smashing against the soft comforter they would usually be tangled in by now. “This is for the best Alberta. I meant what I said. My job isn’t the most lenient and I don’t need distractions right now, so this is my final goodbye to you.”

She turned to look at him, watching as he redid the buttons she’d worked to undo. Turning over she spread her arms across the bed and closed her eyes. A soft smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “That’s true, my job is also picking up pace right now. We have a big projecting starting and I’d hate to miss out on it because of an outside relationship. Perhaps when things settle down we could meet up again, relive the first we met.”

“That won’t be necessary, when I say final goodbye I mean it.” Her ears perked up and she sat up, realizing now that he had already left the room and slid on his jacket. She heard the door open and then once again his voice rang through her ears. “Find yourself someone who’s actually in love with you, okay? Someone who’s worth your time.”

With those final words, the door closed to the hotel room and she was left alone to her thoughts. Intrigued by the man who she’d enraptured by her beauty. She had no romantic feelings towards him, but she was quite sad that their days of booty calls would no longer be happening.

~x~

Chuuya walked through the halls of the Port Mafia’s building, against the order he’d been giving he returned to headquarters in hopes of catching Mori before he left. Though after travelling up to the top floor he’d come to the conclusion that his boss had already left. He’d likely have gone to get rest for the night or take Elise to do something better than sit around his office.

“Chuuya.” Kouyou’s appearance behind him was sudden, her steps quiet as ever as she approached with her usual long strides. Her dress swayed as she continued by his side. As usual she spoke and moved in a way so elegant that she resembled a goddess. “How is your evening? I could have sworn Mori told you to return to your residence.”

“It’s late Kouyou, you should’ve gone home hours ago.” Chuuya tried to divert the subject from his disobedience, but he knew that even so Kouyou would insist. She was a Port Mafia executive above all else but that did not mean she was heartless. It was fleeting comments that passed by ever so often that reminded him of this; She cared about him in a similar sense to how she cares for Kyouka. “Do you have any idea where Mori might be? It’s late but usually he wouldn’t have left by this time.”

“Last time I saw him, he was meeting with (Y/N) and that handsome young bartender. I always forget his name but he makes the most wonderful cocktails.” Her voice sounded nearly dreamy as she recalled the delicious drinks she’d enjoy ever so often. Kouyou was the type of person who could handle her liquor well, unlike himself, and he’d seen her drink a dozen fruity drinks without ever slurring a single word. It was honestly somewhat startling. “Though I do remember he stormed out and your partner followed close behind. They sounded as though they were having a heated discussion but I was too caught up in a phone call to hear much of what they said.”

“Isaac.” Chuuya said slowly , Kouyou perked up and turned to him with a soft questioning hum. “That’s his name. Why would Mori want to meet with a random bartender? I thought (Y/N) said she was going home.”

The woman next to him chuckled, she pressed the button to call the elevator before turning to him. “I have no clue why Mori would want to speak with that man but I assume he has a reason and we should not question him. As for (Y/N), I’m glad to see you’re getting along with her. You were quite opposed to your partnership during the meeting this morning.”

“Getting along isn’t the phrasing I’d use.” Chuuya grumbled, arms crossing as he turned to face the elevator instead of his mentor. “I don’t trust that woman. She’s hiding something and I’d rather not be staring down the barrel of a gun when I find out what it is.”

They fell into silence, neither of them knowing what to say. Chuuya wasn’t in the wrong for believing she was hiding something, no one who can switch their personality as quick as her is being genuine. Mori trusts her and that is abundantly clear but what isn’t is why he’d never heard of her. Another executive that no one knew of was strange to say the very least. For now he wouldn’t question her much, instead seeing what he can find out without her realizing he’s digging around for information.

Kouyou knew a little of (Y/N), Mori had told her some of the stories about the feats she’d completed during her time in Russia. She knew there was more to the story but if Mori had trust in her to stay loyal to them then it was not her place to question it. One thing was clear to her from the way that her boss spoke: (Y/N) was strong and she is not foolish, and keeping her hidden from everyone was a strategy of the finest creation. He hadn’t told her what his ability is but whatever it was it made her abnormally strong compared to a regular mafioso.

“Your accusation is likely true, she is hiding something from us but I believe that Mori knows exactly what it is. We’ve pledged our lives to the mafia which means we are to have faith in our boss.” Finally after what felt like minutes the elevator door dinged and began to open. “I have a strong feeling that you and your new partner aren’t nearly as different as you’d like to believe… Perhaps I’m just being foolish.”

“You really should be getting some rest, my dear (Y/N).” The voice of Mori coed from the elevator, his slender hands wrapped around her shoulders as he gave them a gentle squeeze. She tried to shrug him off but the further she got from his grasp the tighter his hold became. It was almost as though watching a father taking care of his young daughter, but below the surface they were hiding something. Chuuya and Kouyou had been so enraptured with their own conversation that they hadn’t bore witness to the quiet whisper Mori had slipped to (Y/N) before the doors were all the way open.

“Get off of me you old man!” She shouted, bringing her foot back on his before whirling around. Not noticing his presence, her back bumped against Chuuya’s chest. He stumbled a bit at the sudden added weight but his arms caught around her and steadied them both. Surprised, she turned to face her hero with an utterly sweet smile. “Oh? Hello Chuuya, I didn’t expect to see you again this evening. Did you not have plans to attend?”

Mori perked up at the mention of one of his executives, specifically the one he’d told to take the night off. “Plans fall through often, no big deal. I just thought I’d come to make sure that Mori had been given a full report on what we found.”

“There’s no need to worry Chuuya, (Y/N) has given me a full report and I have faith that your digging tomorrow will bring more information to light.” Mori straightened himself from the endearing man they’d seen moments ago. His voice had a cold demeanor as it always had when he spoke with them, though when he spoke with her it seemed he had a similar attitude to the one he used when communicating with Elise. “I have faith in the both of you to prove your worth as executives. May you prove my assumptions right that your partnership was not in vain, then perhaps I could be persuaded to give you both a raise befitting your work.”

(Y/N)’s eyes searched up Mori, her gaze travelling from his gloved hands up to his rigid smiling face. It was clear to her that he was faking every word and gesture as if hoping to give his two closest advisors a false sense of security. His whisper still rang in her ear, ‘For now, act as if our conversation with Isaac never happened. You are, and only are, an executive of the Port Mafia.’ The message was clear with what he wanted but the intent behind it was a mystery. Had he meant it as a form of comfort to remind her that her past was not to stop her from having a future, or was it a warning to keep up the act as a perfect mafia princess and play the diplomat role, perhaps it was neither and simply a reminder that her life has only ever been that of a pawn. Any way he went about saying it, there was obvious fabrication of joy in his face.

“Thank you, sir.” Chuuya took a low bow before his boss and Kouyou offered a small courtesy. “Though I would like to speak with you about a few things when you have the time.”

Mori looked from Chuuya to (Y/N) as though he were asking her what questions she’d brought about from Chuuya, but all she did was shrug in response. He would either ask about her past and her file or he would bring up the fact that their partnership was not in the best of graces. “I truly would love to speak with you about this Chuuya, but Elise has been waiting on me for hours! Tomorrow morning I should have a bit of free time if that’s okay.”

“That will be fine, thank you sir.”

“Now, as your boss, I must request that you all get some rest. Specifically you (Y/N). I know that bad habit of yours and I’d prefer it if it didn’t interfere with your work.” Mori’s words confused the two people who didn’t know much about her habits, but she understood it well enough. He had made a jab at her constant desire to work and the way she would stay awake until the point of utter exhaustion. It was a bad habit she’d had for a long time; But it was part of the reason she got so much work done. “Please do watch your phones in case there’s an emergency, but if there is not then enjoy your time off.”

Mori stalked away from the group and in the direction of his meeting room. “Well I should be going as well, I’ve got some place to be. May you both have a goodnight.” (Y/N) wasted no time in excusing herself from the situation, wanting nothing more than to find her way to a place she’d been meaning to visit since she returned to Yokohama.

“Do you need a ride?” Chuuya was not fond of (Y/N), and that feeling went both ways, but his partner had done nothing to wrong him yet. Until she did so, he would be kind and offer her a ride. Kouyou smiled to herself but used her fan to hide it; The gesture earned a glare from Chuuya. “I don’t mind, I’ve got a stop to make before I return to my apartment anyway.”

“That won’t be necessary, but thank you for the offer Chuuya.” (Y/N) stepped into the elevator and gave a small wave before the doors began to close and seal her away from them both. “Tomorrow afternoon, don’t forget okay?”

With that she was gone.

[rejectofsociety]

Febuwhump: Day Four (I forgot to post it yesterday, leave me alone)

Prompt: Impalement Alternative - “Please Come Back”

Summary: Peter and Michelle’s relationship has been having issues for as long as their daughter could remember, and it’s been wearing her down.

Word Count: 3693

Warnings: None

Written for: @febuwhump 

✧༺✦✮✦༻∞　　∞༺✦✮✦༻✧

Maizie's memories of her parents mainly consisted of fighting and yelling. She wasn't doing any of the fighting or yelling, but her parents were always hard at it while the little girl was curled up in her bed with her sheets over her head as she drew pictures. She drew pictures of her motaher and father being happy together— happy in ways that she felt they never really could be.

She wasn't sure why they really were together because when she had preformed in a school play at age six and all the children greeted their parents backstage, the parents seemed happy to be together. They held hands and smiled and kissed each other on the cheek— Maizie didn't even know parents did that! She thought they were all bitter and disgusted with each other to the point that they despised being in the same room together. In fact, her father almost always slept on the living room couch while her mother slept in their bedroom. Some nights, Maizie would creep out of her room and crawl into bed with her mother or join her father on the couch— those nights were the nights where she slept best.

Sometimes she didn't know if her parents realized how much she hated their fighting. The way their harsh words lingered in her ears and their loud voices shook her to her core left her feeling distraught after every fight. There were nights where she was certain her parents had forgotten about her, being too caught up in their own squabbles. Some nights, one of her parents would storm out of the house and she would cry herself to sleep, not knowing if they'd ever come back. But they would. The next morning, they would come back and simply say they needed to go to her uncle, Ned's, house to cool off. She occasionally imagined herself storming off; just snatching her backpack off the ground, racing towards the door with a loud "fuck you!" (whatever that meant), then running off into the night. Her parents normally took the car, but Maizie couldn't drive yet.

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"Dad," Maizie called one night when she was nine and laying in her father's arms.

"Yes?" Peter muttered softly.

"Why do you and Mom hate each other?" She asked.

Peter's eyes widened a little and he looked down at his daughter, "May, we don't hate each other. We just..."

"Hate each other?"

"No, no. I just said-" he sighed and shook his head, struggling to find words that were gentle enough for her.

"Why are you and Mom still together if you hate each other?"

He tightened his grip on her slightly and stirred under the blanket, "I guess..." he suspired quietly, "Maizie, your mother and I were too young to have kids when you were born-"

"Then why did you have me?"

"Um- well," he cleared his throat awkwardly, "uh- we didn't plan on having you. It just kinda... happened. But I don't regret it, because I love you. A-and your mother loves you too, she really does. So we stay together so we can take care of you— neither of us can really do it alone."

"Oh..." his words still didn't make full sense to the girl: how did someone accidentally have a kid? How could someone be 'too young' to have a kid? How could someone not take care of a kid alone? Her friend's father could do it just fine.

"Does that make sense?" He asked, sensing her confusion.

"No," she admitted.

"I'll... try to find a better way to explain it," he sighed.

"How old were you and Mom when I was born?"

"Your mother was eighteen, I was seventeen. We had hardly been dating for a full year," he laughed softly upon remembering how young and dumb they had been.

"But then you got married, right? Aren't moms and dads supposed to be married?"

He shrugged, "not all the time. And no, we're not married."

"Really? Why not?"

"Never really got around to that part, I guess."

"Oh..."

"Do you have anymore questions?"

She hesitated with a list of questions in the back of her head, "...no."

"Good. Now go to sleep, it's been a long day."

Maizie nodded silently then nuzzled into her father's touch. She loved him but she also knew he wasn't great with explaining things. It was like he had too many thoughts and too many explanations— all of which were the same, just worded differently— and he couldn't organize them into a few sentences. Her mother, on the other hand, could spit out sharp and precise answers effortlessly.

"Mom, why do you hate Dad?" Maizie asked the next morning as her mother drove her to school.

"I don't," she replied quickly, "I love him."

"Then why do you fight all the time?"

"Because he's annoying and a bad listener," Michelle clenched her jaw at the thought of her boyfriend, "and the only way I can get him to listen is by yelling at him."

"Oh..."

Michelle felt a twinge of guilt twist her stomach into knots, making her sigh softly. Truthfully, she didn't like Peter all that much but her daughter shouldn't have to live a less than decent childhood just because her mother had made a handful of mistakes. Michelle loved her daughter and wouldn't trade her out for anything. Yes, her life had been made much more complex when the little girl entered the world, but that didn't make it worse. The only thing making her life worse was Peter. Why? Because she wanted to give her baby girl the life she deserved, one where she never shed a tear and felt loved every second of her day. What was preventing her from doing just that? Peter fucking Parker. And yet... she could never find the will to let him go. Maybe she was waiting for him to end things, just to make sure they really weren't in love. It was as if she were waiting for every single tiny drop of love for him to drip out of her heart, just out of fear of ending things too soon.

"You know... I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but you are not one of them," Michelle said as she pulled up in front of the school, "and I just want you to be happy."

"Then stop fighting," Maizie simply stated, the words sounding too mature and formal as they left her young mouth.

Before Michelle could reply, the girl opened the car door, clutched her backpack, and hopped out the car. Michelle gnawed on her lip as she listened to the car door close once more.

"I love you," she murmured to the empty space.

Anxieties rolled around in her mind as she pulled away from the school. The drive back home was mentally excruciating. With nothing to fill the silence, every thought in her head was tied in some way to Peter and their daughter, but not in the usual loving way. The thoughts were painted with brushes of helplessness and worry while also centered around a realization she had always hoped she could never have to come to: her daughter wasn't happy with her life. Nine years old, and she already couldn't stand her parents— she couldn't stand Michelle.

Upon arriving home, Michelle instantly sat on the couch and texted Peter.

—

Michelle: can u come home?

Peter: no I'm at work

Michelle: tell them something came up. We need to talk

Peter: fine. Be there in 20

—

She tossed her phone off to the side then stood up and began pacing. Her mind raced as she began making a list of what her next steps would be. She needed to be thoughtful with the way she approached this. She could not have her daughter being unhappy in her home, not when it was a completely avoidable situation.

What if we can't fix this? She thought in horror. She stopped her pacing and stared ahead blankly, I guess... she eventually concluded, if we can't find a way to fix this, we'll break up. We'll finally break up and Maizie can visit him on weekends. It seemed like an obvious solution and something they should probably have done long ago and they really had no reason to be together. Maybe somewhere in their hearts they were still the same, stupid teenagers who fell head over heals in love.

"Something has to change between us," Michelle stated the moment Peter walked through the front door.

"Obviously," Peter retorted, making his way to the kitchen where Michelle waited, "so, where do we start?"

Michelle raised her eyebrows, "just like that? You're agreeing that quick?"

"Of course. You think I don't want this relationship to last? I love you and I love Maizie, I don't want to lose either of you," he spoke firmly

For the first time in a long time, a small, saddish smile spread across her lips, "I'm glad we can agree on something. It's been a while."

He nodded, "yeah, it has."

"But I was thinking that we can't do this ourselves. I mean, this is the longest we've talked to each other without fighting in a long time."

"It's kinda..." his voice trailed off as he thought about their situation, "...how did things get so bad between us?"

"You don't listen to me," she spat, "I told you I needed you, and you chose the city. I told you you needed to be a father and you chose to be Spiderman."

Guilt twisted in his stomach and he grimaced, "I..."

"You're completely oblivious," she hissed, "you didn't even realize what you were doing."

"Michelle, please calm down. I can quit being Spiderm-"

"I don't think you can," she deadpanned.

Peter raised his eyebrows at her, annoyance flaring in his chest, "if you think I'm a bad listener, you clearly haven't met yourself."

"Really? You're gonna pull that shit?"

"Yes, I am. Our relationship has gone to shit, and you can't keep trying to force all the blame on me, just because you wanna be right!" he snapped.

Michelle grit her teeth, but before she could open her mouth to spit a reply, Maizie's stressed and crestfallen gaze flashed through her mind. She stepped away from Peter and forced herself to draw in a deep breath. Peter watched her with sharp eyes, making her skin crawl with a strange amount of self consciousness.

"Please don't look at me," she quietly requested.

Peter immediately averted his gaze to his feet. Michelle gave a soft sigh of relief and leaned against a kitchen counter.

"That's one good thing about you," she observed.

"Hm?"

"You can keep me comfortable," she explained, watching a small smile twitch onto his lips, "you keep Maizie comfortable too."

"Thank you," he mumbled, still smiling softly, "you can still make me smile-- that's a good thing."

"Not as much as I used to though," she commented, somewhat regretfully.

"But you still do on occasion, and that counts for something."

They went quiet, avoiding each other's gazes as they thought things through. Peter rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, as if trying to relieve the tightness in his muscles. Michelle's eyes wandered to meet him and she sighed quietly.

"Your neck hurts?" She guessed.

"Yeah," he mumbled quietly.

"Come here," she took his hand in one of hers then lead him to their couch.

She nudged his blanket off to the side and gestured for him to sit down. He obeyed then she sat next to him, turning him sideways slightly then sitting next to him. She placed her hands on the base of his neck and tenderly pressed her fingers into his muscles, feeling the tension and knots in the fibers.

"What do we need to do?" Michelle asked as she massaged his neck gently.

"Um..." he thought for a moment, "remember when Betty came back from college and she and Ned were having relationship issues?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"They got a counselor and things started to get a lot better between them," he continued then groaned softly when he felt a knot relax.

"I don't..." she sighed and hesitated, her hands still expertly working through his tense muscles, "I don't know about a counselor."

"Why not?" He wondered patiently.

"I don't know, it's just..."

"Embarrassing?"

"A little."

"Would you rather be momentarily embarrassed and love me a little longer, or-"

"Fine, let's do it."

He smiled softly, "good. Now- shit," he groaned, "that one felt good."

She chuckled, "I can tell."

"Heh, yeah um... I'll text Ned and ask which counselor he and Betty went to— I remember they liked her."

She nodded then leaned forward and lightly kissed his neck. Her lips tickled his skin then made a gentle warmth bloom and spread across his body, enveloping him in a beautiful sensation he had missed.

"You haven't kissed me in a long time," he hummed.

"I know," she sighed, "... let's get an appointment as soon as we can. I miss loving you."

"I miss loving you too."

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How Maizie had left her school without anyone noticing was beyond him. Sure she was quiet at school and generally kept to herself, but wasn't it literally the school's job to keep the kids safe and inside? Maybe it wasn't, but that's not what Peter was thinking about at the moment. What he was thinking about was the call from her school reporting that she had been marked absent, followed by confusion and anxiety, calling Ned, calling May, calling Betty, they called everyone only to be filled with the dreadful realization that their little girl had run away. It was the most gut-wrenching feeling either of the parents had ever experienced.

You failed. You failed. You failed. How could you let this happen? His mind chanted endlessly as he swung through the city on swift webs. His eyes observed every detail of his surroundings, desperately searching for his daughter.

His spider-sense screamed suddenly and his eyes darted to the ground to spot Maizie crossing a road. Her head was down and expression scrunched up as she fought back sobs. Tears instantly rushed to Peter's eyes and he swept down to her and scooped her into his arms. She yelped slightly in surprise but didn't fight back, only watched in wonder as Spiderman swiftly carried her to a roof.

"K-kid," Peter shakily croaked out, holding the girl close to his chest as his body trembled.

"Spiderman?" she looked up at him, her voice was wobbly, "wh-what's wrong?"

Peter took a moment to hold his daughter and gratefully take in her precious existence. She was here in his arms— unharmed and alive— and he wasn't letting go. He was never letting her go.

"Y-your father told me he couldn't find you," he managed, "it scared me. I-it scared your parents worse."

"You know my dad?" she sniffed.

"Yeah, we work together."

"Oh. He never told me that," Maizie said as she wrapped her little arms around her second favorite superhero— War Machine was her first favorite, Captain America came third.

"Really?" He raised his eyebrows under the mask, "I'm almost offended."

She managed a tiny giggle then sniffed again. Peter looked down at her and brushed a few tears off her cheek gently. Maizie buried her face in his chest and he wrapped his arms around her a little tighter. I need you home, May, he thought desperately, how can I get you back?

"You smell like my dad," Maizie mumbled, her voice slightly muffled.

"I hope that's a good thing," Peter replied softly, his shaking muscles and palpitating heart gradually beginning to relax.

"It is. Smells like home," she drew in a deep breath to calm herself then raised her head to look up at Spiderman.

He nodded then hesitated, gently stroking her hair with one gloved hand, "why are you running away?"

Maizie's entire body began to quiver and her breathing grew shaky, "I-i'm having a r-really really b-bad day," she managed and Peter could see the tears beginning to roll down her cheeks, "a-and I don't wanna go home if my parents are just gonna fight. A-all they do is fight! I just wa-wanna play together but they j-just wanna yell."

Peter's heart broke a little more with every word that left her mouth. Her hands clung onto his body and she rested her cheek on his chest like a pillow.

"Your parents are going to try to stop fighting," he said softly, "they told me."

"They've said that before," she mumbled, "they're lying."

Peter let out a shuddering breath and considered every word as it left his mouth, "they're serious this time. They're getting help. Do you know what a counselor is?"

"Um... I-i think my school has one. She helps kids when they're sad or mad."

"That's good. Do kids seem to feel better after talking to her?"

She nodded, her tears slowing down once more, "y-yeah."

"Good, I'm glad," he sighed softly, "your parents are going to see a counselor. I can't speak for your mother, but your father really needs this. He loves you and your mother so, so much but he's really... he's really sad and he's mad too— just like the kids your school counselor helps."

"Why's he so sad?"

"Because... it's complicated. But he wasn't ready to be a father when you were born, and he knows he's made a lot of mistakes and wrong decisions, y'know? A-and he feels like a bad father and he takes it out on your mother. He knows it's not fair to either of you and he loves you so much, but sometimes he forgets what he's supposed to be doing," he rambled, "he forgets that he isn't just Michelle's boyfriend, but he's your father and he has to take care of both of you. Does- um... does any of that make sense?"

"Kind of, yeah," she nodded slowly, "but he's going to fix that, right?"

"Yes. He's going to fix that as soon as possible."

Maizie sighed in relief then furrowed her brow, "how do you know all this?"

Peter hesitated before replying, "um..."

What was the logical explanation for a superhero knowing the emotional conflict of a random civilian? Spiderman was friendly, but he wasn't exactly a therapist. Besides, Maizie was smart for her age— it wouldn't take her long to figure out the truth.

With a quiet sigh, he gripped his mask and pulled it away from his face. Maizie watched him, and instantly recognized her father. Her heart skipped a beat anxiously and she immediately began making a mental list of apologies.

"A-am I in trouble?" she asked frantically.

"No," Peter promised and she sank deeper into his touch, "just... Maizie, we need you. Please come back."

She paused, considering every word Spiderman— her father— had spoken to her. He sounded so sincere and desperate— she knew her family loved her, it was just a matter of them acting like it. Really, she never thought her parents would care enough to show her love and the fact that her father had just proven how much they both cared about her was more of a shock to her than the fact that he was leading a secret double life as a superhero.

"I... I wanna come back," she decided.

Peter let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and hugged the little girl tightly. Maizie buried her face in her father's neck and instantly felt herself comforted by his protective warmth. Panic suddenly rose in her chest as she realized what she had been about to give up— warm hugs, home cooked meals, a cozy bed, snuggling when she couldn't sleep, endless and unconditional love, and so much more that she couldn't even begin to list.

"I wanna go home!" She cried, "I wanna go home right now!"

"Sh, it's okay," he gently hushed her, stroking her back with one hand, "it's okay, May. Let's go home. I can carry you."

She nodded rapidly, "p-please."

"Yeah, lets go," he sighed softly.

After slipping his mask back on and holding Maizie in the most secure way possible, he stuck a web to a building and swung through the gentle breeze. Peter simply swung as calmly and in-control as possible— he just wanted to get home. He didn't use any of the playful or fancy tricks he used to use when he and Michelle were younger and he'd take pleasure in making her scream and laugh as they swung through the city. He hadn't done that with her in years. He missed her arms and legs wrapped tightly around him as she switched between terror and pure joy every few seconds.

Finally, the two arrived home. Despite being in his suit, Peter didn't mind walking through the front door seeing as no one was out and about to see him.

The moment Michelle spotted her daughter, she rushed to her and knelt in front of her. Maizie threw her arms around her mother's neck and hid her face in her curls. Maizie rambled her apologies and cried while Michelle held her closely.

"Maizie, calm down," Michelle hummed softly, "it's okay, I'm not mad. I'm just happy you're here."

Maizie sniffed and nodded, "o-okay... I love you."

"I love you too," she hesitantly let go then kissed her forehead, "can you go to your room and get cleaned up?"

She nodded again, hugged both her parents one more time, then made her way to her room.

Michelle stood up and looked over at Peter as he removed his mask. Their cheeks were stained with tears, their curly hair was a tousled mess, and their eyes were reddened with exhaustion.

"We're a mess," Peter observed.

Michelle smiled and walked to him, "yeah, we look like shit."

They exchanged soft chuckled and Peter brushed Michelle's hair out of her face. His fingers lingered on her cheek and she let out a quiet breath and placed her hand over his, closing her eyes lightly as she savored his touch.

"I love you, MJ," Peter promised.

"I love you too."

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #514

Top Ten Things 2021

It’s that time of year again! That time when I look back over the last twelve months and analyse what I liked best about it, entirely from a cultural/entertainment point of view. And, once again, we’ve suffered through a year where many things outside of flickering screens or printed words were, well, utterly crap. Idiots are running the show, we’re still being ravaged by a pandemic, and the world is quite literally on fire. But things were a little better than 2020, weren’t they? A bit less pandemic-y, a lot less Trump-y. And as far as these end-of-year roundups go, it was very okay.

For a start, I actually got to go to the cinema. Yes, it’s true, I didn’t really go all that much. But all the same, just being able to go to the cinema was quite a thrill. I went in September, and I hadn’t been since March of the year before, which is probably the longest I’ve ever gone without seeing something on the big screen since I first went to see Bambiin 1986. That alone felt like we were limping back to normal, however slowly.

It was also a great year for games. I know a lot of games coverage at the end of the year was banging on about how few big titles there actually were – still no Zelda sequel, no news on anything from Rockstar, and Sony’s big follow-ups to Horizon and God of War ended up in 2022 – but for me there was a consistent stream of good games to play. But I’ll talk more about the whys and wherefores of that in a moment.

So I think the combination of being able to play more, and the fact that a lot of big movies remained easily accessible from home, combined to make 2021 feel a lot more friendly, entertainment-wise. I guess there weren’t that many huge events throughout the year, but a bunch of biggies in the last couple of months have helped kick off 2022 with a bang. And, yeah, I can’t really think of anything more to say without getting into specifics. So I might as well do that right now.

Here we are: the best bits of 2021. Woo and indeed hoo.

MCUTV: after a very dry 2020, the Marvel Cinematic Universe returned in a big way last year, with four movies (more on which later). But the really big thing for me was how successful their foray into TV was. WandaVision absolutely blew me away with its meta-mystery box setup, and sealed the deal with its beautifully sad central relationship. Although some of the other shows weren’t as superb, the intriguingly trippy Loki(another great relationship!) and the delightfully Shane Black-y Hawkeye(relationship triple-bill! Not a sexy one this time, tho). So, yeah: absolutely fantastic start for Marvel’s big TV trip.

Game Pass in general…:so when I first I first got Game Pass a year or so ago, I figured it wasn’t a forever kind of thing. I had a big backlog, it was quite expensive for a person who’s not mainlining games, I’d just stick with Gold for now. But dammit if Microsoft aren’t doing their level best to make it indispensable. It’s not so much the big games that I might have bought anyway (yer Halos and yer Horizons); it’s the games that I like the look of but wouldn’t have had time or money for: Flight Simulator, The Ascent, Outriders. It’s the much smaller games, too, the cool-looking indie games that I now have an incentive to try: Unpacking, for instance, which is one of my favourite games of the year. It’s an incredible service and I honestly think it’s a forever kind of thing.

…and Halo in particular: I’m a big Halo fan and I’ve been looking forward to this one for ages. Harking back to what made the first game so good, it’s like my memories of it brought to 4K life. Back in 2001 I marvelled the ground texture which featured the image of individual blades of grass; now we have actual three-dimensional waving fronds. But it’s the gameplay, that sublime perfect Halo gameplay, with the added frisson of a semi-open world and the amazing addition of a grappling hook that lets you Spider-Man your way across the environment. And the multiplayer is great too! Okay, so there’s a bit of dodginess in the package (I’m still not happy about the lack of customisation options) but this has been a joy, my game of the year.

Spider-Mans:how do I talk about this without it being a phenomenal spoiler? Is it still too early? Bugger it, stop reading if you’ve not seen No Way Home. What a joyous movie. I don’t care if it just tickles my nerve glands (erm, my David Tingle?); I honestly had tears in my eyes when Peter’s lawyer was revealed to be Charlie Cox’s Matt Murdock. Why? Why am I so happy to see these guys share a screen? I don’t know, but the way the film not only integrates past Spider-Manproperties but also deepens and adds to their pre-existing mythologies is an unbelievable triumph on a par with Infinity War and Endgame. It legitimately makes the Amazing Spider-Man 2 a better film. It just does such a great job, it makes me so happy. I wanna see it again.

All about Dick:my favourite fictional character is Dick Grayson, but if I’m honest I’ve not adored any of his solo outings as Nightwing. Sure, he’s had cracking storylines in the past, but I tend to love him as part of the ensemble in Teen Titans or Batman; or, especially, when he actually was Batman. But Tom Taylor’s take on the sexiest bum in comics does everything right: bringing back what worked best (Bludhaven, Blockbuster, and Barbera) and adding in an adorable three-legged dog. Bruno Redondo’s artwork is tremendous too, showing the gymnastic artistry of the acrobat-turned-crimefighter. Add in a couple of great villains, an intriguing femme fatale, and some delightful anti-billionaire rhetoric, and you’ve got the comic of the year.

Steepling: speaking of comics… is this a cheat, a comic that didn’t even start this year? But if I can talk about ongoing comics or TV shows, I can talk about this. Steeple is a webcomic by John Allison that follows macabre and spooky goings-on in the sleepy seaside town of Tredregyn, with the delightful twist of everyone seemingly being unfazed by the fact that a Satanic Church is rubbing shoulders with plain old C of E. Like a frothy, funny mix of Hot Fuzz and Lair of the White Worm, it’s hilarious both in its absurdity and its quaint, quiet Britishness, and also a fun and exciting action horror wotsit. Check it out!

Murders and Buildings oh my:here’s a fun fact. A year or two ago, I suggested to my wife that we go see Steve Martin and Martin Short when they were on tour. She said she didn’t fancy it, but it was all an act and she actually bought tickets anyway for my birthday. And then the bastards cancelled their Manchester dates. But they’re so damn good I forgave them! And a good thing too, because here we have a really bloody funny and also well-structured whodunnit, eking out its mystery, providing genuine thrills, and offering a surprisingly tense story. Martin and Martin are great and hilarious – obviously – but kudos to Selena Gomez for going toe-to-toe with these heavyweights. Mavis from Hotel Transylvaniadone good.

Machine-ations: there were two Disney films this year and they were both good, but the standout animation was undoubtedly The Mitchells vs the Machines. In a similar way to Into the Spider-Verse – also a Sony animation produced by Lord and Miller – it mixes engaging family drama with humour, action, and some truly inventive animation. Nearly thirty years after Toy Story, CG ‘toons are often pretty straightforward in their visuals, but here we have wackiness reminiscent of the best of Looney Tunes. It’s just great.

Cinematography: I alluded to it in my intro, but really one of the biggest joys of the year was just the sheer fact that I could go to the cinema. Kinda hoped I’d get to see more than I actually did, but all the same, fillums at the pitchers! Yes, I know, we’re still knee-deep in plague, and all things considered the country would probably be a slightly safer space if they’d shut the cinemas in November or something, but it’s been nice to, y’know, get to go. just experiencing the big screen, seeing stuff with an audience – albeit a tiny, fragmented audience, apart from Spider-Man, which was packed. I hope things continue to improve in 2022. Oh, and my film of the year is probably Dune, although Spidey runs it a close second.

I’m actually going to talk about music for once: I’m not much of a muso. I’ve got relatively broad taste in music, and there are certainly a fair few acts and artists that I like to follow. But I don’t seek out new music. I don’t really listen to the radio or anything. I just like what I like and every once in a while something new filters through somehow from the ether. The last time I genuinely remember feeling like I’d discovered something new was Arctic Monkeys about twenty years ago. But one of the weird things about having kids is it broadens your taste. Long story short, I ended up listening to new music for the first time in a long time, and then I find out about this girl from Bizaardvark. That’s a show that my youngest discovered on Disney+, and now one of the leads has gone solo. But what really impressed me is that her music is great – soulful pop ballads, a 21st century teenage version of the female singer-songwriter stuff that I liked from the nineties. And carrying on the Alanis Morissette vibes, Olivia Rodrigo – for that is she – has written an entire angst-fuelled album about brutal break-ups. Drivers License – my favourite song of ’21 – isn’t quite You Oughta Know but it carries that song’s passion and fury, and also has a similarly expert use of an F-bomb. For one so young, Rodrigo is very good at swearing. Might not show that part to the kids.