#which is probably a reason why i liked it so much i was like

[local-magpie]

probably around when theyll do the same with banana and eggs or almond flour and wheat flour. very sorry OP, we are in the trenches together

When will someone gently take all the internet food bloggers by the shoulders, look into their eyes, and explain that coconut milk is not a neutral-flavored dairy substitute

[cuthechicane]

Full paywalled version of Lando's interview with The Race

Lando Norris recently sat down with The Race's Scott Mitchell-Malm for an exclusive in-depth interview about his 2024 Formula 1 title bid, taking on Max Verstappen and how fans perceive him.

You can read Scott's take on how Lando presented himself on The Race website today, but here's their conversation in full:

The Race: How do you look back on the year so far? Purely from a numbers point of view, you'd surely have taken that at the start of the year. But in terms of how it's played out, is there any kind of sense that there was a bit more on the table, missed opportunities?

Lando Norris: Err…for sure. I think that's quite obvious. Not as many as people think. And I think people in general think it's been a lot worse than what it's been. I think a lot of people think we've been a lot quicker than we have been. So I'm sure a lot of people will disagree with it. But I think those times, it’s a compliment that people think that, because it shows how far we've come. And I'm proud that in those days, whether Singapore or Zandvoort, I've still been the one that's there and making the most of those opportunities when we have a car that's quick enough. 

But there's clearly ones that we've definitely let things go away, which is Silverstone, Canada-ish – I wouldn't say completely. Maybe one or two others. But I think the other ones are the ones that people want to believe were bad for different reasons. Whether it was my starts, and those days when the starts have been ‘bad’ that everyone says, I've generally still been in the top three, four, five of starts. Even on those days. If you look at Barcelona, when I had a 'bad' start everyone says, the best starter in that race was Max. And I think I was like the third or fourth third best starter on the grid. It's just I happened to be next to the guy who got the best start.

The Race: Who wasn't the guy who ended up leading into Turn 1 anyway...

LN: He was the guy who had the seventh or eighth best start! The other one I’d say was a bit more unlucky was Budapest, where my initial start was very good, a tiny, tiny bit too much wheelspin and a downgraded upshift, and that kind of cost me that. So I think it's been better than people have thought. There's definitely been some missed opportunities, that's a fact. But I'm very happy with my whole season. I still feel like I've got a lot out of it. Things have not just gone to plan. Even if you go back to Austria and things like that, a race that I could have been first or second, whichever way around you want to look at it, I ended up with zero points. There's been certain races which have gone away from us. 

The fact that we're still there fighting, I'm pretty happy with the whole season that I had, because it's clear when things do go right, how amazing that they can be.  It's been still a big learning year, even though it's my sixth year and all of this nonsense, I still have to learn how to drive the car in a better way, because I still don't understand it at times. How we have to drive our car has changed a good amount, and I still have to adapt to that. Some days it doesn't suit me, some days it does. So I think it's still been a very good year, and from the outside, I understand why people think it hasn't been. And I completely almost agree with it! But once you know reasons why, of different things, I'm still pretty proud of the season it's been so far.

The Race: There's a difference between how you imagine it being when you get a car that's quick enough to fight every weekend, and then obviously what it's really like. You've learned some things the hard way, so what's that actually been like?

LN: It's been good for me. Whether I'm racing the likes of Lewis a bit more, or Max is probably the best example of all of them...Charles, Carlos, George, to be honest, all the drivers who are up the front because they deserve to be. Thing is suddenly, when I'm racing them, I'm fighting them for a win. So not coming out and doing a perfect job against these drivers, mainly Max in this case, means I win a race or I don't win a race, and therefore it hurts a bit more and it feels like there's a bigger effect to it all. 

There's more criticism or praise, whichever way around. You win, suddenly you have a lot more praise. You do one mistake, you suddenly have a lot more criticism. But I think both are good things, because people either want you to do well or they want to stand out because they want to be someone that criticises you even more. Both are compliments in ways, and I've enjoyed both of them. 

But I've paid the price, more so in terms of a championship point of view, when I’ve not done things to the correct level. And I think there's so many things that have been great, and have been completely up to the standard that it needs to be. A couple of things have not been. And I paid the price for those situations, because I'm going up against, whether it's Red Bull or Mercedes or Ferrari, on top of being strong teams, great drivers. You get punished more at the top when things don't go right than you do when you're more midfield.

The Race: There's a quote from a few years ago about Lewis Hamilton only having to beat his team-mate, in the context of a dominant team. That's exactly not the situation that you've had this year. But in terms of execution, finding out how hard it is to make sure that every single qualifying session, every start, every judgment in the race with the team – what's that been like? Because I can imagine that idea that 'once I get a car that's quick enough, I'll do it'. 

LN: First of all, I would never think that! For anyone who knows me, that's definitely not how I think. But I would say it's as tough as I've imagined because so many things can still easily go against you, even when you have the best car. Make one mistake in a Q3 lap, you're not on pole when you should have been. You don't have a perfect start when the guy who starts P2 does a perfect start, you’re P2 when you shouldn't have been. 

There's been a couple when we were so dominant – like Zandvoort – it doesn't matter if you made the mistakes at the beginning. You can come back through and you can still dominate and easily win a race. But for the majority, when people think we've had the most dominant car ever, those positions [lost] have just been costly positions. I’ve been on pole by three thousandths or five thousandths or two hundredths, and those positions are positions that just stay for the rest of the race. 

But I've always known that – it’s always just the harsh reality of when you're there, and actually you're living that situation, it’s tough to then always be positive for the next race and things like that, and know when things are going to get better. It's been a learning point, still for me, but even for the whole team, whether it's mechanics, because they feel a bit more pressure when we're leading a race compared to when we compared to when we were 10th, or the engineers because the last pole was split by three thousandths, or one hundredth of a second. Everyone wants to play a part in that, but also feels the pressure of it, including me. I think everyone's dealt with it very well.

The Race: We've seen with various drivers, whenever there's a clash with a popular driver, someone ends up getting pelted on social media. But I don't think I've seen a driver with such a negative narrative against them as I’ve seen with you this year...

LN: Yeah, I don’t know why.

The Race: You’ve noticed it as well. How do you feel about that?

LN: I find it…I find it's a little bit weird, because I read all those things. I wouldn't say I'm affected by them, but I do think of them. Do I think it affects me negatively? No. Because I've actually been used to doing that for a while. I've learned how to read things and choose what I want to affect me and almost help me be better or choose what I just want to let slip away, and I just read it for the fact of reading. 

Certain things I’d say I don't understand how people have gotten that perception. And that's when I always just have to come back to the people who know me, know that this isn't the case. And I'm very happy just knowing that as a fact. There’s certain things when I'm like, people think my ego is too big or something, it couldn't be further from the truth - especially when I'm driving. Maybe sometimes I choose wrong words or something, and people somehow use that against me.

But I think there's more and more people in the world just either don't want to listen to the truth and sometimes I think when I say the truth or facts, people just don't want to agree with them, or they want to disagree and kind of prove me wrong. But I find it odd as I feel like I haven't changed. Maybe I have, in certain things. Definitely some things have changed. I definitely don't go around and joke and laugh as much as I used to, and I think people loved that and maybe don't like it as much now I don't do such a thing. But I’ve definitely noticed it, for whatever reason. 

The Race: It's stuff as a driver, not just you as a person. You mentioned the idea you’ve got a dominant car stuff but it’s also your championship credentials and stuff like that. Maybe some people just want to just stick the knife sometimes, in a way that I personally don’t understand.

LN: Neither do I, but it's why like I always say, it doesn't affect me. I see it still as if I know I said something or I've done something wrong, I accept it. I've always been honest with when I've done a good job and done a bad job. So when I know I've done something wrong, or someone tells me I've done something wrong, I'll always accept it and acknowledge that in the right way. But when I know for a fact I haven't, and people kind of make things of it or turn it into something where I have, there’s some kind of stuff I don't understand. Especially the amount of negative stuff I get nowadays, I almost want to say for no reason. 

It puzzles me a little bit. Doesn't affect me in a good way or a bad way. People can have their own opinions. And I'm all up for people having their own opinions and supporting different drivers and not supporting me – I'm very happy about that. But turning things that are not true into what they think are facts is probably stuff that I don't understand as much. And it's confused me a little bit, but I don't think it affects me in a bad way. I do think of it because I'm an overthinker, and I think of all of those things, so I'll question myself about all of it. But I wouldn't say it affects how I go out and drive the next day all of a sudden, or anything like that, which is the main thing. 

I think it's turned into being a bit of a part of… I don’t have to read any of it, you know? So I can also not have social media, but I enjoy it still. It'll still affect me on days, but it's not like it affects how I go racing or anything else, so I don't mind. I just don't like when people have the wrong opinion about me. Because I don't mind people having different opinions, but stating incorrect things is probably the thing that I don't understand, and probably the thing that gets to me the most. But it doesn't affect my day to day life at all. And I'm very happy with the people I have around me, my group.

They're the people who are being more honest with me about when I'm doing well or when I'm not, or whether I'm being a dick, and when I'm not. I prefer people to tell me that, than not to tell me that. The reason I really don't care about what people say so much is because I know the people who actually most know me best and are most truthful about everything are just the people I have around me, and I’ll listen to them more than I'll ever listen to people on the outside.

The Race: One final thing as we sort of got side-tracked there: 18 months or so ago I interviewed you in Australia which basically turned into an opportunity to justify your new contract, because the team was in a bad place and there was a lot of noise. You always stuck to your guns. How vindicated do you feel by this season, and how excited are you for next year, because both titles have got to be the aim?

LN: That's very clear. We all as a team know that next year is the year, probably the first one since I've been in Formula 1, where I can go next year ‘We are challenging for the title’.  And we can say that now already. We've never been able to do it in the past. I'm very happy that I've stuck with the team that I believed in even when a lot of people didn't. I'm very happy that I just had that belief in the team. But also just for all of that to actually come true even when it was hard to believe at times. When we could take kind of two steps forward and then step back, and then catch up and then drop back. 

There were times when I did question it for sure, on what's the best for my future and what do I want to do and those kinds of things. But for me to always return to the belief that the team around me, whether it was Andreas [Seidl] a few years ago when we took a step forward, for sure – but then Andrea [Stella], for me, has been the key to everything. And the fact we've been able to go from where we were to beating Red Bull, when not even 12 months ago they had the most dominant season...the fact that we're now beating them, we've been beating them almost since Miami-ish, and we've been on par with them since Miami, that’s an incredible achievement. 

I'm very happy that I've been part of it all. I'm happy that I stuck through the harder times when I easily could have picked an easier route out of it, could have gone to different teams and done all this other stuff. I feel like I've rewarded myself nicely for having the belief in the team, and I think the team understands that too - the journey that we've been on together - and I think they appreciate that, which probably makes me the happiest out of all of it.

[flowerandblood]

The Last Drop (1/?)

[ modern • vampire • Aemond x female ]

[ warnings: description of blood drinking and bleeding in general, sexual tension, angst, memories of murders of both humans and animals, descriptions of violence + a lot of sadness ]

[ description: Encouraged by the information that the town he has landed in is not known for having the most vigilant police in the world, he decides to go on a little hunting trip to finally quench his burning thirst. However, not everything goes according to plan. (A lot of sexual tension, grumpy, gloomy Aemond). ]

Yes, Ewan's recent photoshoot inspired me to return to the vampire theme, this time in a modern version. I liked my idea for the character and their dynamic so much that it won't be a oneshot, but a mini-series! The general idea is that vampires in my world no longer produce their own blood, so they must drink the blood of others: however, once it enters their veins, the blood they drink takes on their own taste and smell, which attracts victims like a lure.

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Next chapters: Masterlist

_____

The night was cool and crisp, the sharp air pleasantly filled his lungs. Even though he didn't actually need to, he breathed: it allowed him to remember that he was alive.

The centuries he had spent in perpetual, primitive thirst, starving himself, only to finally succumb again, wove together in his mind into chaos. He wasn't sure how much time had passed since his body had gone cold and no blood flowed through his veins.

Nor was it flowing through his heart, although he needed it.

That was why he had to eat.

He made frequent use of the blood that was stored in hospitals, as did others of his kind; nevertheless, to his disappointment and dismay, this was not enough for him.

No matter how many litres of blood he would drink from a plastic bag, he still felt a hunger that only passed when he sank his fangs into someone's neck.

He didn't understand why he couldn't stop himself – why, despite doing what he was supposed to do, he couldn't fool his nature.

At some point he just stopped trying.

He didn't kill, or at least he tried not to, however, his victims didn't show gratitude for his generosity – for fear that someone would recognise him, he kept changing his location, having several flats across the country.

Alys had told him about this town – she assured him that the police did not act too quickly here, and that it was easy and pleasant to eat in peace in the large, badly lit park. Indeed, when he arrived he found, walking the quiet streets at night, that the place had enough inhabitants to remain anonymous.

This was his chance.

Although he usually watched and followed his prey for long days, that night, as she passed him, he felt a hot, strange shiver and his heart, half-living, half-dead thumped harder in his chest. He turned behind her immediately and stopped, feeling a drop of cold sweat run down his back.

She was young.

Too young for his taste.

If he overreacted and lost control, she might not survive.

But she smelled so incredibly good.

He felt his fangs lengthen involuntarily, his jaw tense as he took a slow, heavy step behind her, into the depths of the park lit dimly by only a few night lanterns.

She was probably coming back from work from a night shift at some club or bar, because she had a rucksack slung over her shoulder – even though it was the beginning of winter, she was wearing only a jumper, scarf and trousers, her hair loose, their scent reaching his nostrils even though she was far ahead of him.

Fuck, I'm not going to make it, he thought, desperate, feeling his desire intensify for some reason – his senses sharpened and his hands clenched into fists as she turned into a dark side street, between the trees.

Now.

He found himself there within moments and froze, ready to attack, seeing the void in front of him – her scent was clear, but somehow she had vanished into thin air. He swallowed hard, biting his lower lip with some kind of feeling of regret and disappointment, looking around.

"Are you thirsty?" He heard a soft, calm voice behind himself and turned suddenly, feeling his heart leap to his throat with fear.

How could she be standing far behind him when she had just been in front of him?

What was that question supposed to mean?

He wanted to lunge at her, but hesitated as he saw her cock her head, pointing her hand back at her rucksack.

"I have a few bags full of blood in my backpack. I can give them to you if you need them. I have more at home." She continued, undaunted.

He felt his lips part involuntarily in disbelief when he noticed that, indeed, her face was pale, her hair unnaturally shiny and thick, her eyes sparkling with some unnatural gleam.

He was so thirsty that he did not notice that she resembled him.

She lowered her hand and blinked, seeing that he was still silent, looking at him with some kind of worry, as if he were a stray, hungry dog.

"What do you need?" She asked at last, and his gaze fled to her neck, to the blood of others that her heart had just pumped.

Blood that would have her own unique taste.

"Not here." She said, moving suddenly ahead, as if she had changed her mind. "Come with me."

He didn't know why, but he did as she said.

Usually it was the others who obeyed his orders, but now he didn't have the strength to stand up.

Perhaps he didn't even want to.

He was so terrified, intrigued and excited that he was breathing through his mouth.

It had been a long time since he had felt his own heartbeat so clearly.

He didn't know where she had got so much courage to let a stranger, much less a man like him, into her flat. To his surprise, it was cosy and colourful, full of flowers and plants, prints and posters, soft blankets and cushions in fancy patterns.

He stood in the middle of the corridor, not knowing what to do with himself, unable and unwilling now to just throw himself at her.

She pulled off her shoes and backpack, entering the living room without turning on the light, just as he seeing clearly in the dark – she sat down on the couch and held out her hand to him, a warm smile on her face that had a hint of comfort in it.

"Come here. It's okay. You've been brave." She said softly, as if praising a small child, her tone of voice filled with serenity and melacholy, as if she had known him for years.

He didn't know why he pulled off his shoes and coat, looking straight into her eyes, why, drawn by some unknown, mystical force, some strange warmth that filled his chest, he approached her.

He watched, breathing heavier and louder, as she lay on her back, still holding her hand outstretched towards him – he grasped her fingers uncertainly in his, thinking with some kind of tenderness that they were as cold as his own.

And yet, for some strange reason, though he was dead, it seemed as if life was still pulsing within her.

He was ashamed to admit to himself that he felt not only desire at the thought, but arousal as he lay down beside her, smelling her scent more and more clearly with every movement.

There was something intimate about the way she looked straight into his eyes without fear, the way her fingers combed slowly through his short hair, the way they were both silent for a moment, just breathing.

"– it's okay –" She repeated in a whisper, running her knuckles over his cheek, making him feel a squeeze in his throat for some reason.

He was moved.

When was the last time he'd been close to someone in this way?

He moved closer to her, feeling a wonderful shiver of excitement and anticipation run along his back as he leaned over her neck – his lips, swollen with desire, ran tentatively over her soft skin.

He heard her quiet sigh, her hands clenched on his body as he slid his slick tongue out, trailing the tip of it over the crook of her neck. He felt his erection pulsate, pushing against her thigh as he opened his mouth wider and his fangs slowly sank into the delicate structure of her flesh.

The fact that she was a stranger to him, unlike Alys, whom he had known for years, made him, for some reason, not dare to be aggressive – even though he could certainly hurt her if he wanted to, he decided to show his gratitude for her understanding and be polite.

There was something pleasurable about being able to focus only on the taste of her blood as it spilled over his palate – because of the way it circulated inside her body, it was warm, though not like that of a normal human being. He didn't mind, because it was a strangely refreshing taste, while at the same time providing him with a feeling of comfort – he thought the last time he felt like this was probably when he was an infant, drinking his mother's milk.

Safety.

He took one sip, then a second, and a third, one hand holding under her back, the other trailing slowly over the skin of her neck and jaw, for some reason wanting to feel her this way – her flesh grew warmer from the gentle rubbing of his fingers.

There was something in her blood that gave him the conviction of her kindness, and he was surprised by this discovery – he felt his heart begin to beat more slowly again, and his muscles, all sore a moment before, relaxed.

He wondered if she felt that he was completely hard.

When he pulled away from her, he closed his eyes and just nestled his face against her chest, tucking his head under her chin. He swallowed hard as she placed a soft, warm kiss on his hair, stroking reassuringly his cheek and back with her hand – he knew their closeness was just an imitation of what they both desired and needed, but he was too desperate to deny himself that.

He would never have asked for it out loud, but for some reason he craved what she offered him.

He wanted to hide.

He didn't need to sleep to survive, but he liked to rest that way, even more so when he was tired and relaxed. That girl, whoever she was, didn't try to escape his embrace, which gave him the feeling that she wouldn't do anything they both might regret.

When he woke up, he could see through the thick, bright curtains that the sun was already high in the sky – he murmured, snuggled with his face into her cheek, not having the strength or desire to move.

Now, in the light, he could look at her clearly.

She had been transformed when she was no more than twenty years old – of that he was certain. Her behaviour and appearance, in his mind, indicated that this sudden, frightening change in her life was recent: fifteen years ago at most, maybe less.

He swallowed quietly and stood up, deciding there was no point in prolonging it – the girl turned towards him and rubbed her eyelids, sleepily.

"Are you leaving already? Wait until sunset." She muttered.

He froze and cursed in his spirit, glancing at the window.

If it had been cloudy he would have survived somehow, but in full sun the burns was the least he could hope for.

She stood up, apparently seeing what he was thinking about, and moved lazily towards the kitchen, massaging the back of her neck.

There were no more marks from his bite, but her neck was all dirty with blood.

She reached for a plastic cup with a straw that looked like an old Coca-Cola packet and began to drink from it, slurping loudly. She raised an eyebrow when she saw that he was staring at her without saying a word.

"What? You made me thirsty." She explained, however, without a hint of resentment or regret, looking into her fridge, filled from top to bottom with plastic bags filled with blood.

"If you want, I can make blood tart or jelly. Or soup. So you won't be hungry again." She said, still continuing the activity of drinking through a straw from a plastic cup.

"What?" It popped out of his mouth, probably because he didn't understand what he had just heard.

"You know, food. I miss it sometimes. Mixing it with blood makes it nourishing, tasty and more interesting than blood itself. It's good with ice as a drink. I once put it in a soda maker to make bubbles inside, but the experiment failed." She said with a sincere sadness that made him just hide his face in his hands.

Was she serious?

"Sit down. I'll make us some jellies. Blood and raspberry. Yummy." She decided on her own, apparently completely not needing his opinion on the matter.

Indeed, he decided that he couldn't leave as long as the sun was shining so hard, so he sat down, watching in disbelief as she pulled out the gelatine, bowl, blood, raspberries and a few other things she apparently needed to create whatever she had in mind.

Looking at her with pity, he stated with a kind of melancholy that it had been a long time since he had watched a woman cook – the last time was when he had seen his mother as she was baking a cake, his favourite one: yeast with plums.

He felt a sting in his heart at the thought that he could still recreate the taste of it in his head.

"Do you live here? In this town, I mean." Her curious voice snapped him out of his reverie.

He looked at her, or rather at her back, watching as she stirred the steaming liquid in a small saucepan.

His thumb began to pick at the cuticles around his fingernails as his whole body screamed for him to do what was better for him, which was to lie.

"Yes. Since recently." He replied.

"Oh, I see – I've been living here for four years now. I'll probably have to move out soon. For now, they think my unchanging appearance is due to good genes." She said softly, pouring the contents of the saucepan into two ice cream goblets.

God, she really does make fucking blood jelly.

He blinked and looked at her, hearing the silence around them, recognising that he should answer something after all.

"Thank you. For yesterday. For your understanding." He said finally, his thumb digging into his skin too hard, creating a small, red wound along his fingernail.

Blood.

He saw her flinch and look over her shoulder – her eyes were big, as if she was surprised by something, her lips parted slightly, as if she felt arousal.

"– oh – do you want a plaster? –" She muttered, turning back – he noticed that her hands were shaking as she set the cups down in the fridge.

He lifted his finger to his lips and licked the bright red, sticky liquid from it.

"– no need –"

He saw her reach for her plastic cup, her eyes closed as she drew a few deep, greedy sips from the straw.

His manhood twitched in his trousers with delight at the thought that she craved his blood.

He swallowed hard when she came to him close enough that he could smell her clearly again – the psychological advantage he thought he had gained over her dissolved into thin air when he realised he wasn't driven by desperation then.

She smelled so good.

She tasted so good.

Maybe he could stay with her longer?

"Maybe we could be friends?" She asked.

He looked at her, feeling that his eyes were wide open in disbelief. Seeing that he had opened his mouth to answer something, she continued quickly, as if she feared she knew what he would answer.

"I have no one here. I don't trust myself enough to spend time alone with other people. I'm afraid of hurting them. But with you, I don't have to be afraid. You're new here too, so... I want you to know that you can count on me in times of need." She said quickly, stammering a few times, as if she was ashamed of her own words.

Was that why she had brought him to her home?

Because she was lonely?

"I don't know." He muttered, this time answering honestly.

"Okay. I just wanted you to know that the door to my house would be open for you."

After all, you don't know me completely, he thought.

You don't know if I didn't kill someone yesterday, if I won't hurt you, rob you, destroy your life out of boredom, for fun.

"How can you be so naive?"

He wasn't sure if he'd really said the question or if he'd only heard it in his head, but her expression told him that the words had left his mouth after all.

"You think so?" She muttered, heartbroken, as if his opinion meant something to her.

Why?

"I was thirsty and you allowed me to satisfy my hunger. You invited a strange man into your home. I could have raped you, I could have killed you. I still can." He snorted with a wide grin, looking at her in disbelief.

He saw her swallow hard, something moist shining in the corners of her big eyes.

"Maybe that's what I wanted. Maybe that's what I hoped for."

He felt a twinge in his stomach at her words, serious and filled with regret.

What were they really talking about now?

Was she hoping he would kill her?

"What do you mean?" He asked, running his fingers over the soft material that covered the armchair he was sitting on.

I can end your torment if you want me to and drink your blood to the last drop.

"I am alone. I can't talk to my parents or the friends I had before I…" She mumbled and drew in air loudly, apparently trying not to cry.

He was wrong.

It probably hadn't even been ten years since she'd been transformed.

How was it possible that she was doing so well?

Young vampires were usually feral and hungry, seeking pleasure in orgies full of blood. She, meanwhile, lived in her small flat like some kind of hermitage and worked as if nothing had happened.

That's why she cooked food, that's why she dressed the way she did, that's why she decorated her flat according to contemporary fashion.

She didn't want to let go of her old life.

"I'm sorry." He said and once again, he was honest. "In truth, I admire your self-control."

"I killed my dog. My best friend. A labrador with big, brown eyes." She mumbled out, fiddling with her fingers, whooping with the tears that began to run down her face one by one.

She had no one to tell about this, so she treated meeting him like a confession.

"I see. Then you ran away from home?" He asked calmly, for some reason feeling towards her words nothing but understanding.

His father's numb body lying on the floor beneath him, his loud panting when he finally regained his composure – he could see perfectly his lifeless eyes open in horror, his mouth spread wide, his throat ripped apart as if it had been torn by an animal.

He loved him, but he never noticed him.

He showed him no support when his eye was taken away, instead comforting his daughter from his first marriage.

Why was it always her and never him?

"Yes." She muttered wearily, her breathing deep and laboured, full of suffering.

"Do they know what happened to you? Where are you now?" He asked further, and she shook her head.

"Good. You did the right thing." He stated.

He raised his hands slightly in the air, surprised, as she sat on his lap and snuggled into him, embracing him around the waist.

She was sobbing like a little child, and in a way she probably was one – torn away from her family and what was familiar to her, she was wandering around the world alone and aimless, filled only with longing and grief.

He struggled to accept the thought that he understood her all too well.

He shuddered when he felt her warm, heavy breath on his neck – his hand ran over her back reassuringly, giving her wordless permission to take what she needed.

Comfort.

He'd only let Alys drink his blood so far, but for some reason he couldn't and didn't want to refuse her – he closed his eyes and sighed, tilting his head back as he felt her fangs slowly dig into his skin with surprising gentleness.

He heard something that sounded to him like a grunt of pleasure when she swallowed a loud gulp of his blood – his lips parted as her hips rolled forward, brushing it against his half-hard erection.

His fingers clenched on her flesh as he involuntarily reciprocated the movement, reaching out to meet her – they both began to breathe louder, as if surprised that they were taking pleasure in two forms of intimacy at the same time.

Their bodies rubbed against each other in calm, gentle harmony, his nose sunk into her soft hair, which he combed with his fingers, the sound of her swallowing arousing him more and more with each passing second.

She needed him.

He wanted to be needed.

He always had.

When she finally pulled away from his neck she pressed her cheek against his chest, exactly as he did then, and took a deep breath, as if she had accomplished some great achievement by not drinking his blood to the last drop.

"…shall we eat our jellies?"

[z4rph1m]

Platonic Yan!batfam X dazai!reader X yandere dc

Tw: implication of sex (between reader & Chuuya), past mentions of self harm,

Forgotten child

Pro. Ch.1 Ch.2 (you are here) Ch.3

Nakahara Chuuya

Your former lover of the dark.

Why did the two of you broke up? He forgot, or maybe he just doesn’t want to remember.

He knew that the moment the two of you were in a relationship, it was unhealthy and toxic.

Maybe it’s the way you would ignore him the whole day but the moment you’re within his arms you’re a touch starve, hopelessly in love mess.

Or maybe the way he would be angry at you and try to guilt trip you into doing whatever he wants or the way you would purposely annoy him so that he would try and hurt you (he tried ask you to stop doing that)

But why exactly did the two of you stay together?

It’s simple, you two completed eachother perfectly.

Especially how fitting your abilities names are to describe the two of you.

You made him act like a human, he gave you a reason to live on.

“Are you the most beautiful human to me or to me, you’re the most beautiful human”

You stare at the empty space of your bed in longing, feeling as if there was something missing in your life.

The love marks surrounding your body, the lipstick mark on your bandages and the soft touches lingers around you.

Oh how you miss him.

You knew well that being with him was a terrible idea, especially with how aware you are to how much of a terrible person you are.

You know well you’re only using him to have the willingness to live yet the more you are with him, the more you crave for his touch.

That’s the reason why you broke up with him.

You hated how it felt, how it didn’t felt real to you. You wanted to save him the tears and pain, breaking off was maybe your only choice.

You remember well on how soft his kisses are on your scars, lips and all over your body.

Or how beautiful yours and his voice sounded together.

Maybe, just maybe under different circumstances the two of you could be together.

As much as you two stayed friends, the benefits can’t really be pass on.

“I can’t feel love, I will give you the love that you lack your whole life”

The more time Bruce walk through the hallway to your room, the more sense of guilt cover him.

Wilting flowers, spiders in cobwebs, empty vases and dust covering the paintings.

The side of the mansion that’s long been abandoned.

God how long did he let you live like this?

How long did he left you to live within the chilly and ghostly halls of the manor?

On the way to your room, the two passed by Dick and Tim, who seemingly curious on where they’re going.

“Hey Alfred, Bruce, where you’re going?” Dick in all his glory, having his usual smile while Tim with his eye bags and energy drink in his hand.

“We’re on our way to Master [N] room, which is just at the corner of this hallway”

There was a deafening silence, but at the same time it was accompanied by a presence of a lonely child.

The presence of a child that was useless to the family.

The silence kept on going until Tim voice spoke out.

“Are you sure you’re in the right way Alfred? The corner of the hallway looks as if it’s haunted”

“Yes Master Tim, they’ve been assign to that room after all”

Damian stare at the picture that’s laying at your table.

A picture of you and your mother.

Maybe it’s the only picture of you and her but it explains everything about your relationship with her.

You malnourished, eyes hold emptiness yet smiled so awkwardly at the camera, having just an oversized t-shirt and a shorts on, bandages free, happily in your mother arms.

Thats probably the only picture of you smiling.

Out of all the pictures that he sees in the album, the one where you’re under the care of Alfred, not his father.

You’re smiling with your mother, where you live a miserable and pitiful life.

What was it that was different or missing from this family that made you never smiled at least once?

In the past, he use to sneak into your room whenever it’s one of those days where you don’t come home.

Interested on why you look so….. depressing and On deathbed-like.

Yet as time goes by, he was interested in you by you’re nature.

Seeing your photos, art and diary (or at least what’s left of it).

He wanted to know more about you yet his pride and jealousy got in the way.

He wanted your attention yet he rejected the idea of even having a conversation with you.

Everything was fine until one day he sees the room clean and smell of fresheners.

That’s when he realized what he did.

He was too late- no, he can fix it.

He will get his older sibling back, he must.

God whoever this “Q” is will be the top of his list for taking what’s his.

He hold onto your childhood doll before tensing his body when the sound of creaking fills the room.

“Father, Alfred, Tim, Dick, what are you doing here?”

Inspired by @-acid-ixx Again & again series and @-marcyvamp1re-blog silly little bat

[glypt0don]

So, this is quite a rant. You can skip to the bottom, if you want to know my opinion but don't want to read that much... But I worked hard on it and I think it's important, so it would make me very happy if you read through the whole text.

So this fits into something I wanted to post about anyway: a broader theme of why do we frame things as wars? Like, why is it culture war, specifically. First I liked the concept, I thought it described something quite complicated reasonably easily. But I pondered on it a bit more and I think there's more going on.

It's pretty trivial, that most societies went through a huge change over the last half century. It's not just feminism. I could make a whole list of things we as a people took on. Anti-racism and civil rights, religious acceptance, global trade, reinterpreting the meaning of peace, connecting the word through the world-wide web, etc. We ( or, as I am barely an adult and have no idea how to change things for the better, I should say you, or maybe chat) decided it was time for change, so change came. You brought it about.

And I agree. Change WAS and IS necessary. What that change should entail, well, we all have our ideas, right? And they have the ugly tendency to differ from each other. The question then is, how do we coincide our contradictory ideas on society? The answer is both worrying and very important.

To be fair, our race doesn't have a great track record on solving these kinds of issues. I dug into my historical knowledge, since, you know, those who don't learn from it, repeat it... The only thing I can compare to what's happening today would be the Reformation (which probably says a lot about my historical knowledge). That's the only time I know, where societal assumptions were altered so much in such a short time. That time it was specifically about the Catholic church (if you don't know, what I'm talking about, you really should, so Google it), and the result was a series of wars, that ultimately may have wiped out about a fifth of Europes population. The wars were of course led by powerful men, who capitalised on the divide to further their own goals.

As back then, now too, we can't rely on institutions to tame the public. Many media and political identities have a direct interest in polarising society. Because that's what happens. All these contentious issues about gender, class, or foreign policy become dividing lines between folks who are supposed to be parts of the same whole (call it community, state, nation or humanity, depending on how wide you can think). You know, how it works, probably saw it a few times, whatever your interests are. It's literally everywhere! We fight it out with the perceived enemy of the week sometimes, when there is an election, something notable happens, or it's simply Pride Month. Then everyone goes back to their respective corners, where they vehemently agree with themselves. We don't talk a lot, just throw words at each other, like Buggs Bunny, playing tennis with a dynamite.

I should say, this post is a notable and refreshing outlier. Thanks, @trans-androgyne , for starting a discussion for a change!

I know, it's a bit like nuclear armament. You can't just stop, because THEY won't, and then they win, and you can't allow that. It's life and death! And I don't have some magic pill to make it all go right, or believe me, I wouldn't sit here, typing this out at 3 in the morning Central European Time. But let me propose this: don't call it a war! Neither culture war, nor gender war, nor anything like that. Because this isn't a war. Just ask anyone in the middle east! They can tell you, what is war, and THIS IS NOT IT! And also, because it may not be guns and destruction yet, but nothing guarantees, that it stays that way. We already had multiple attempted takeovers of capital buildings since this cursed decade began, because our social reality became so fragmented, that you can't accept the results of a popular election anymore. That should raise alarm bells. I know it does, but it can be much worse! Learn from history, do not repeat it! Hit the Wiki page on the Huguenot war! On the siege of Magdeburg. Or, if that's not your cup of tea, watch Civil War! I genuinely think it's the best movie of the year.

Call it Social Discourse! That sounds much more manageable, doesn't it? Or you can come up with something else, as long as it isn't some warmongering bullshit. And maybe the next time you meet someone with sexist, homophobic, racist, or maybe radical left and anarchistic views (whatever you're opposing), don't attack them with your words! Those aren't weapons. Try to talk to them instead! Try talking about feelings! Listen to theirs, make them understand yours! I say feelings, because you both have those. Try finding a common ground, however small, and build up from there. Like Minecraft Skyblock. It can be hard in a challenging way, instead of making you want to shoot yourself in the head. Remember, you aren't fighting a war. You are having a discourse.

All of it is to say, the world and society are changing, wether you like it or not, and we have to change with it, to survive. That is the simple fact. If you call that change a war, that's just gonna make the whole thing unnecessarily painful for everyone involved.

This was sociopolitical advice from a giant armadillo.

Genuinely, what happened to “feminism is for everyone”?

That’s the feminism I grew up with: encouraging people to recognize that fighting sexism and restrictive gender roles helps folks of every gender. We’d push back on the idea that feminists hate men, pointing to inclusive feminist literature and how many men are feminists.

Now, there are so many people insisting that the solution to patriarchy is to openly hate and ostracize men no matter what. Why? What is the benefit? It’s certainly not effective in fighting oppressive structures to exclude half the population from your cause on the basis of immutable traits. It may feel cathartic to say horrible things about men and try to punish them for your frustrations with patriarchy. But the only actual effect I see is the increasing right-wing radicalization of young men, who are being told that the left hates them for the way they were born and presented with an abundance of proof that it’s true.

Why are we going back to treating men and women as different species? It doesn’t fix things to say “well women are the good gender and men are the bad one” this time. If you sincerely want to dismantle sexism, you’re going to have to unpack and let go of all sex and gender essentialism—even that which considers women inherently pure and men inherently immoral.

[vigilskeep]

can i say something insane. here’s the foundational part: i have this ongoing idea that caterina, as a Move On The Board, gave her tacit approval to teia and viago’s relationship. in the tevinter nights story where teia and viago are introduced, two talons dedicate a significant amount of risk and energy trying to hide their engagement from caterina, because they’re consolidating their power and would look like too much of a threat together. teia & viago never have to do any of that, and in fact caterina casually tells one to accompany the other on tasks for no clear other reason than You Kids Have Fun!

and i think there’s a logical reason for this as a Move On The Board. from caterina’s perspective, viago is a bit of a wild card: he has his own ambitions and motivations and bitternesses, his skill set makes him unpredictable if he does decide to be a threat, and he holds himself quite distant from the other talons. whereas teia, by her own internal narration’s admission, loves and respects caterina and has considered her a mother for “the past twenty years”. (which would be since she was eight.) i can see why it would be useful to caterina to lightly encourage viago being under teia’s power, so to speak. it’s stabilising. caterina’s genuine fondness for teia is both an added benefit if it goes right and not enough to stop her using her for something like this.

here’s the more experimental part: it does make me wonder if caterina also lightly encouraged a previous attempt at gently bringing house de riva in line, which was, unfortunately for everyone involved, attempted via flirtatious dagger.

sorry this is probably nothing to anyone else it just kills me to imagine that lucanis has genuinely never successfully acted on wanting anything that wasn’t ultimately her call

[httyd-art-requests]

So the teaser for the live action How To Train Your Dragon film has dropped. Have you seen it? Any thoughts on it?

I just saw it, and BOY do I have some thoughts about it lmao

Live action remakes already annoy me for several reasons, and as much as I want to be excited for "new" HTTYD media, it really misses the mark for me

The movie doesn't look original to me. It's so obviously a remake of something else that it loses any personality it could otherwise have. If the original HTTYD movie had been a live action movie from the start, it would have looked nothing like this, because the creators would have tried to create something that stood out from other movies. This one just feels like a checklist being completed in front of me: "right so we'll have this scene, and then we'll have this scene, and the dragon does this, and the boy does this, and then this is the part the fans like so we're going to recreate it 1:1", but no real understanding of what made the original as beloved as it is.

This trailer just looks soulless to me, but I'm holding out hope that the other trailers will show us more and hopefully prove me wrong

Toothless's design is... fine I guess? They made his hind legs digitegrade for some reason, which just looks very jarring to me. Idk why they felt the need to change it, it's one of the details that made his design feel unique to me. Like dragons' legs are almost always depicted as dinosaur-like and digitegrade, and HTTYD having dragons that have plantigrade legs feels really cool. The wings are comically oversized and he lost a lot of his personality based on the scene recreations shown in the trailer (like the silly People Sit he does in the original, now he just sits like a dog lmao) but it really, really could have been worse.

I slowed it down to catch some of the other dragon species' designs and eeeeeehhhh... They're recognizable, I'll say that. They also lost a lot of the personality that the original models had, they look a lot more uniform in their proportions. I really don't see why making them look "realistic" has to mean that they look more boring, when we have so many animals irl that look fake and made up because of how absurd they look. They could have had more fun with it is what I'm saying

Casting Gerard Butler as Stoick feels like the only actually good decision, his voice as Stoick just can't be recreated. Hiccup's actor is... also fine I guess, no strong feelings whatsoever.

The thing that bothers me the most is the lighting. The original HTTYD movie paid special attention to making the lighting look as realistic and believable as possible. It's atmospheric and helps you get sucked into the world while you watch. "Subdued" is probably a good word to describe it. It very intentionally doesn't go overboard. The lighting in the trailer looks fake as hell. They could be using real actual lighting conditions on set and I still wouldn't believe it's real.

Overall, I have mixed feelings despite all the negative things I just listed. I'm sharing in the excitement of all the people who want to watch it, but I'm still disappointed that it, like, exists at all. No matter what this movie ends up looking like, I'm always going to prefer the original animated movies. I'm open to being proved wrong though, I really hope this movie is going to be better than anything we're imagining rn

[accio-victuuri]

BURN AFTER READING. 🍭🍬

i have never made a post with this title before, but i have shared some cpn/speculation that deserve to be burned after reading. lol. this term is often used by cpfs for a candy or info related to the boys that may be “dangerous” — so you have to get rid of it after reading. but for my version of it, let’s describe it as something that is a level up from galaxy brain cpn. it’s the kind of cpn you will think twice or thrice before making up your mind about. 💫

we have (2) topics here and just a disclaimer that i am not confirming anything here. this content is for cpf only. don’t take it seriously!

(1) Who is An Huibo 安慧博?

fans noticed that there was a “stand in” credited for the we and life of us music videos and that is this person. think of it as a body double. it makes sense cause aside from that scene in WE, there are times that xz’s figure is against a backdrop so maybe they needed someone to do that. the clowning began when people were thinking about, what if the other xz in WE mv is actually WYB ⬇️⬇️⬇️

i can think of a couple of different reasons why this could be false but the strongest explanation for me is that xz will not allow wyb to so something like this. he is very superstitious. even if this is just acting, he will not allow them to act out a scene of betrayal. that for me is enough to shut this all down. but on the flipside, maybe wyb wanted him (xz) to play his first villain role opposite him in this music video.

now we have the reasons why fans think this is something worth looking at:

1. XZ and this An Huibo are the only 2 credited actors for both MVs. so it seems kinda special.

2. The director of this is LIN, the same one who directed WYB’s redmi advertisement. There are some CPNs both were made at the same studio. Which makes sense cause LIN has his own shooting studio. There is another separate CPN about this but the gist is we think this director is familiar with both of them. So XZ may be comfortable enough to bring WYB along and even include him in the video.

3. It may not be WYB himself, but he used that name to troll us. It’s so close, Huibo. Yibo.

4. I saw this explanation as well:

If "Anhuibo" is read according to the French transliteration as An Huibo, it would approximately read:

[ã чi bɔ]

·ã: similar to "ang";

·qi: similar to "wei" in Chinese, but lighter and soft;

·bo: similar to "wave", slightly shorter.

5. As a CPF, it’s so easy for our alarm bells to ring if you read that name. An alias of sorts for Bobo. some are saying he used this kind of jumbled name to combat the bad aura of their scene together. Since he is superstitious, this removes yibo’s name and identity as the stand in who stabbed XZ’s character. if that makes sense.

maybe we will know more when they release the behind the scenes video. that is if they show who this stand in is. let’s add this to the bjyx clowning vault in the meantime.

(2) XZ look-alike in the recent GRA

i was talking to @rainbowsky about this and my initial reaction was, cpn aside, i’m surprised at how people notice these things! which i actually should be used to considering turtle’s attention to detail, but still!

so here is the “evidence”

👀👀👀👀

like all other turtles, i’m someone who has stared at tons of photos of XZ. so i can totally understand why people would look twice at this person. i get i. i was staring at this photo for so long as well. however most of the cpfs comment on this is against this candy and they have valid reasons:

1. Why would he attend and be in the audience? XZ is someone lowkey so if he was there to accompany WYB, he will be backstage. Yes he is brave, but not like this — which seems almost careless.

2. There are names on the chair, so it’s not like anyone can just sit there casually.

3. Even if you believe in the probability, CPFs don’t wanna talk much about it cause it can be anti material. Saying XZ has to hide and can’t show his face in GRA. or why is he even there incognito when he doesn’t even have a project nominated. You all know how it goes, antis can twist the narrative. Plus we don’t want to accidentally expose them if this was true. We should not observe too much and post about it cause it will make it harder for them to do something similar in the future.

4. How did this person go unnoticed? Everyone had to get inside the security and there are cameras everywhere. He should have removed his cap and mask which — it’s impossible for someone to not notice XZ ( or is it? ). another thing is maybe he went to a diff entrance??

5. Some are washing it and saying it’s Yibo’s MUA.

Please take that last point i mentioned and carry it over to the reason why this look alike is sus. People are able to confirm that this is not WYB’s MUA because he was wearing a different cap. Even the hair and daresay the ears are not the same. and why would a MUA even be there? If WYB needs touch ups then they should do it backstage. If for some reason it has to be while the broadcast and recording was not on or was on a break, he should not sit there and act like a guest.

Yibo’s MUA, Wang Yiduo has been with him for years. He has years of experience being around celebrities and attending these events before WYB. So he knows the decorum. He will not sit there and act like a guest just because he feels like it.

I’m curious too, who is this person who can walk in— in an event filled with people that are dressed up and then come in with a mask and casual clothes. To be allowed to sit there. Who is special enough? Probably a celebrity? and that’s why some think it could be XZ. Even the staff and assistants during the event are dressed up which made this person stand out. As for the CPN explanation, it’s nice to think that XZ is so proud of Yibo’s nomination that he has to be there. He will find a way to be in the audience and witness this special moment. 💕

I think this can easily be analyzed more if we have the video but i don’t have time to rewatch the whole GRA and wait for this cut. Cause i wanna know if it’s even there, that’s how much we question things here! 🤣 It’s so sus to me that we only have the screenshots and no video when CPFs are notorious for having concrete evidence. personally, it reminds me of the SDC3 incident but this one is still pretty outrageous considering it is a public event.

take what you want with this information. and as always, when it comes to BJYX: ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

sources: one/ two

[thunderboltfire]

That's probably because if I'm right the painting doesn't show the coronation itself! The title is Queen Jadwiga's Oath, and it probably refers to the very specific oath she was forced to make in response to the accusations that she hasn't been faithful to her husband.

This issue stems from the fact she was actually bethrothed to a different man before - Wilhelm Habsburg, who was much closer to her age, and whom she knew since they were both children. It was rather obvious that she preferred to be married to him instead of much older Lithuanian duke (and if it wasn't clear enough, according to chronicler Jan Długosz she initially broke out of house arrest by breaking the door down with an axe). She only agreed to marry Jagiełło because she was very pious, and the possibility of the christianisation of Lithuania managed to convince her. Besides, there was no way to convince the nobles to agree for a Habsburg to sit on the Polish throne. From a perspective of time, it was a politically sound decision to turn towards Lithuania that spared Poland from becoming a sphere of direct Habsburg influence and ruled out further dynastic problems that could come with it, but nonetheless, for it to happen, Jadwiga had to sacrifice her personal interest on the altar of the reason of state.

The fact that Wilhelm Habsburg was present in the area at the time sparked controversy - also the fact that their bethrotal was theoretically a marriage on behalf of their families (sponsalia de futuro), that was supposed to be renewed by them and consummated when they were of age, sparked rumours of Jadwiga's unfaithfulness to Jagiełło and even accusations of bigamy. This led her to officially swear that she was never, and never was to be unfaithful to put an end to the rumours - that's the moment which is on the painting, and that's probably why the reactions in the background are so mixed.

Jadwiga is a fascinating historical figure - she was a peaceful monarch, but she didn't shy from war, when needed. She probably wasn't a decision maker for long (since in the beginning of her reign she was underage, and later she ruled alongside her husband), but she's remembered for her philantropy, piety and the legends praise her mercy and wisdom. She's donated her royal insignia to Cracow's university, which is why it's named Jagiellonian until this day. Unfortunately, she died rather young (she was 26 years old, ostheopathy says she could be 28-30 years old), from childbirth complications. Based on her skeleton, she was a tall woman (more than 170cm tall), with a rectangular face. I've heard some historians speculate that her skeleton bearing some typically male characteristics, like narrow and long pelvis and strong jaw might be an indication of her being intersex, which could be the cause of her problems with conception and childbirth, but I don't think there's been any research that would offer the definitive proof of it.

In any way, while (especially 19th century) iconography and historiography showcases her as a mild, almost angelic personality, I think her actions, both as a ruler and as a queen, show significant resolve and intelligence, with her trials to diplomatically resolve the conflicts with the Teutonic order, balancing between admitting her rights to Hungarian crown and maintaining positive relations with her brother-in-law, donations to education and establishment of hospitals.

She's one of the most loved monarchs in our history, and I think she earned it.

Also I love the fact that her much later, neogothic tombstone placed a dog under her feet as a symbol of loyalty. The tombstone is decorative, as she's actually buried in her favourite place of prayer - under so-called 'black crucifix' in the side aisle of the cathedral. She's also been canonised as a saint of Catholic church.

HISTORY MEME | 1/10 moments: Jadwiga is Crowned King of Poland.

The coronation ceremony that took place in the Wawel Cathedral in Krakow on 16 October 1384 was truly a splendid event: Polish nobles spared no expenses and the grandeur of the coronation impressed everyone present. But the historical significance was even greater. For one thing, the young girl who was being crowned (only 11 years old at the time) was to go down in history as one of Poland’s greatest and most beloved Monarchs. And for another, the aforementioned lady was crowned not as Queen of Poland (as would be expected considering her gender) but as King.

There is no humorous tale of a mix-up: the decision was made for quite practical reasons. Polish law was very specific that the ruler had to be King – but it did not state the King had to be a male. And so instead of re-writing the law and to emphasise the fact Jadwiga was a ruler in her own right, it was decided she should be crowned as Hedvig Rex Poloniæ (Hedwig, King of Poland) and not Hedvig Regina Poloniæ (Hedwig, Queen of Poland).

[metroid-fusion]

regarding the post reading "if zun did it you can too: make all of your characters women" and the tag "i'm doing this but in the opposite direction bc im transmasc and gay"

i love transmascs. shoutout all transmascs. they all deserve so much love n safety. heres an opinion i posted once, for context.

"why are you doing all this disclaiming io?" because before i turned off rbs on that post, people were saying stupid shit like "making your characters transmasc and gay is boring" which i cant abide. literally if ur trans and gay and ur making characters to explore & celebrate that, im supporting u so much. so if youre gonna say some shit disparaging that on here i dont respect your opinion; that said, this post is to address the other half of the arguing that went on on that zun post: "actually commenter was fine i dont get the big deal"

(i recognize that im preaching to the choir here, the target audience REALLY is the CHOIR'S followers not mine but hey)

my post was one that i made advocating for something which was IN THE MINORITY. which is a story with only women. there are many MORE stories with characters that are only men. so the question one must ask before leaving a tag or replying: what REASON do you think i, op, had to post a post like that?

what factors were influencing the post? what media environment led to the posts creation? what do u think the reason is that the post had such a clearly defined call to action? im doing some critical reading question shit to you right now. do you think me being transfem and lesbian have anything to do with it? im gonna show you these numbers

so if you have come to a conclusion about why i probably made the post, and what my post was meant to say, and you extrapolate, what does leaving a comment that says "im doing this but with men" IMPLY wrt those factors? what effect does it have? theyre UNINTENTIONAL effects, this commenter had no ill intent and was just trying to relate their own experiences. but nothing exists in a vacuum and one MUST consider the purpose of a post before leaving ANY kind of comment.

i guess thats all. i just want people to understand why myself and others were peeved by an innocent comment like that yknow. just consider what your comment implies in relation to what it was posted on

[thatshadowgastwhore]

Why demigods have certain powers: a theory (long post)

I have this theory that the reason demigods have specific strengths, or display one aspect of their parents powers over others is due in large part to what aspect their godly parent visited their mortal parent in AND how their mortal parent perceived them. TLDR at the end. Idk if this is a common theory, but I’ve never seen it written out before.

Half of this is pretty much so canon, in the way we know that Greek vs Roman demigods are different because they aren’t the same exact gods. The best example of this is Nico vs Hazel, where Nico is a child of Hades, who is the god if the Dead where Hazel is a child of Pluto, the god of the Underworld and Wealth. This affects their powers. We will come back to them.

However, we also know that demigods don’t necessarily inherit all of their parents dominions. For example, Will, Kayla, and Austin are all children of Apollo, but each have very different specialties. Will has power over healing and light, Kayla over archery, and Austin over music. Apollo is god of all three, but they all have very defined areas of interest and talent.

I think what powers come to a demigod naturally will be determined by their mortal parent, not their godly parent. The best example of this is Hazel.

Marie Levesque very specifically summoned Pluto because he was a god of wealth. It’s how she perceived him, not as a god of the underworld, the dead, or shadows, but as a god if riches and jewels. This explains why Hazel’s abilities are focused on riches. (I’m aware Pluto grants Marie a wish, and that part of that is that Hazels jewels are all cursed. However. Even after they stop being cursed (kind of) at the end of SoN she doesn’t lose the ability to summon them. SHE is the gift Pluto granted Marie, not the gems themselves) This doesn’t mean that she can’t access other abilities associated with children of Pluto/Hades, as is obvious in HoH when she assists Nico in shadow traveling everyone out of the House of Hades, or that the dead don’t sense her as a child of the Underworld and defer to her, like the Leres at CJ, but that isn’t how her powers naturally manifest.

Sticking with Hades, Nico (and Bianca) are a good comparison: they have (kind of) the same father as Hazel, but their abilities are very different. Looking at Maria, we don’t know too much, but I am going to assume something based on the fact that she’s from Italy in the 30s and her name is Maria: she was probably Catholic. Now, as someone who was raised Catholic, I feel qualified to say that Catholics are, while not as a whole superstitious, they are quite obsessed with death. Not in a Rapture sort of way the way some denominations are but more in a…they care A LOT about the Saints and Heaven and judgement, and because of that they’re more than willing to accept things happening because of intercession of a Saint or a dead loved one guiding them. I am not Italian in the 30s, so I can’t speak to that. But because of that, and the fact we KNOW that Maria knew the father of her children was Hades, Lord of the Dead (he offered to keep her safe in the Underworld, she knew about the prophecy, she knew Zeus wanted her dead) we can see how these things about her are reflected in her children.

Nico is known as the Ghost King, because his powers mostly manifest in his ability to summon and control the dead. He also has powers related to shadows, but he really has to practice to get good at it and not pass out. Affecting the dead is the first thing we see him do as a Hades power (dismissing the skeletons attacking Percy at the end of TC, and again all through BotL with Minos) before we ever see him shadow travel, which isn’t introduced until tLO, two books after his introduction. While Bianca’s page time is limited, the only real Hades power we see her demonstrate is when she destroys the skeleton. Maria saw Hades as the king of the dead more than any of his other powers. She obviously RECOGNIZED he had dominion over darkness and shadows (she says so when she tells him she won’t raise her children in the darkness of the Underworld) but that isn’t the part of him that she sees and values and fell in love with. She had kids with the god of the dead, so her children primarily manifest their powers over that domain. I also think that the fact she knew she was dating a god made her children more powerful, if that makes sense. Nico and Hazel are some of the most powerful demigods in the series, even apart from being big three kids.

But Mags, Mags! I hear you cry, what about kids like Annabeth? Athena kids don’t have obvious powers, how is that relevant here?

There aren’t a ton of good comparisons for Annabeth to see how her abilities compare to her siblings besides maybe Malcolm. However, I’ll do my best.

Annabeth’s power from Athena is her intellect and her cunning. Let’s look at how Athena and Fred met: Annabeth tells us that without Athena’s help, he wouldn’t have graduated his doctoral program. So when Fred met, we can assume he met Athena in her aspect of being a scholar. We know is that this is not Athena’s only mythic role, she is also a strategist and a patroness of useful crafts like weaving among other things.

I believe that Annabeth’s intellect really does manifest more as a scholar than anything else. For example, she has no formal schooling between the ages of 7 and 12, when she is at camp full time. Those are some formative years when a child creates a foundation for their future learning, and Annabeth has ADHD and dyslexia. School should not be a walk in the park for her. And yet, she doesn’t really struggle to reenter school, and she’s constantly referenced as doing essentially independent studying, whether it’s reading books in Ancient Greek or working on Daedalus’s laptop. Studying and researching is her hobby because it comes incredibly naturally to her, which matches up with how Fred would have seen Athena. And yes, we see her weave to get across the cavern in MoA, but that’s kind of a one off. Annabeth herself realizes in the moment that, “oh yeah, Athena’s the goddess of useful crafts,” like it’s never occurred to her to even attempt such a thing before. The only time we see her bring this talent back is at the beginning of BoO when Jason is stabbed (iirc - I could be wrong on this reference. I didn’t open a single book to write this essay)

Comparing that to Malcolm, we don’t know a ton about his powers or his parent. All I can recall is a single short story in which Athena sends him a dream requesting he reinstate a festival of hers, and he leads the Athena cabin in setting everything up, and I think weaves the Athena Parthenos a cool robe? Fact check me here, that’s as memory serves.

So why wouldn’t Athena ask Annabeth to do that? She’s the one who found the statue after all. I’m willing to bet it’s because whomever Malcolm’s father is, he met Athena in her aspect as a craftswoman. The skills that Malcolm inherited are primarily to do with crafting because of his mortal parent.

You can also see why some aspects of gods aren’t really seen in their children. For example, Dionysus is a god of wine but also notably mania. Of his two children we see + the one child of Bacchus we see, (Castor, Pollux, and Dakota) all three only have affinities towards the former. (There are vague allusions to the twins assisting the Demeter cabin with the strawberries because fruit bearing plants do well with them, although grapes are best, and Dakota has his kool aid addiction) but none ever display an ability to induce mania. Dionysus does, in TC when Percy Iris Messages him, but his kids don’t. Why? I’m willing to bet that less people are attracted to the manic aspect of Dionysus than the party side, especially because it requires wanting to make a baby with the guy. Not everyone, I’m sure at some point there’s been a Dionysus demigod who could, but it’s be rarer.

So what about Percy? He has like ALL his dad’s powers. Eh - kind of? Walk with me here:

We know quite a bit about Sally and Poseidons relationship, that they were together for an entire summer, that they met at Montauk, and that Sally knew she was dating the King of the Ocean. (Poseidon also offers her a palace under the sea to keep her safe from Zeus. Now he’s 2/2 on having his brothers offering to keep their lovers safe from him and thus revealing their identities to them and making their kids even more powerful)

We know that she associates Poseidon with the sea very strongly, but more so that she thinks he is powerful but GENTLE. I posit that because of that, it explains why water is healing to Percy. Zeus kids don’t get magically better when they stick a finger in an outlet. Demeter kids aren’t healed by plants. This is kind of unique to Percy and I think it’s because of Sally and Poseidon’s relationship. I would also assume that at some point, Poseidon showed her that he could communicate with sea life and horses, and those then became part of her idea of him, which is why water, equestrians, and fish are the parts of Percy’s power that comes most naturally.

You know what Poseidon’s the god of that isn’t in Percy’s primary powered? Earthquakes. He’s done it once: Mt St Helen’s in BotL and he did so while he was actively dying and the mountain was already erupting a little bit, he just made it worse. But he’s never actively tried to do so. It feels kind of like Hazels shadow travel: he probably could, with a lot of effort and maybe some help because his dad IS Poseidon, but it’s not his thing.

It’s also why he can kind of mess with ice. The only real time we see him do so is in SoN when he collapses the glacier CJ in Alaska, but for the most part, if water isn’t in its liquid form, he doesn’t really mess with it. No steam either. He probably COULD, but Sally met Poseidon by an ocean, so that’s their basis.

The poison in HoH reads similar to the earthquake. He probably could control any water based liquid but it would take more effort and he doesn’t want to. For what it’s worth, yes, Percy could blood bend, easier than he could poison bend because blood is salt water. But he won’t. Because it disturbed him.

Moving on.

Mags! That’s all well and good, but what about Thalia and Jason? Don’t they kind of disprove your theory? They have the exact same mortal parent, why do they have such different powers?

Well, for what it’s worth, they DON’T have the exact same parents. Zeus and Jupiter are not the same god. So they’re technically half siblings through Beryl. Swerve. But I see your point - if I’m suggesting that the powers one inherits from their godly parent are determined by one’s mortal parent, then Thalia and Jason should be basically the same.

Well, they are pretty similar, all things considered, but a key part of that is what there really is to inherit from their godly parent. This gets more into classical theory that I am not an expert in, but from my understanding: you can generally state that of the two, Zeus was more impulsive and wrathful and might smite you for anything, and Jupiter filled the father/king of the gods role more. And we already agreed at the bringing with Nico and Hazel that Roman and Greek gods aren’t the same.

And. When we’re looking at the relationship between Beryl and Zeus, it’s a wild starlet having a wild fling, she has no children, she parties, she’s here and there and everywhere, she can’t be tied down. And it’s implied that she knew he was a god, because being able to catch the attention of Zeus apparently made her go off the deep end when he left. And she wanted very badly to see Olympus but Zeus refused (with good reason. The reason being Hera) Thus, Thalia’s powers pick from the ones matching those traits. She’s got power over lightning, but not necessarily the sky. She probably could fly if she ever tried. And also: she doesn’t have to ask permission to call down lightning. She just does. She makes her own lightning.

Jason on the other hand, is the result of Beryl and Jupiter. The relationship was a smidge more stable. Beryl was calmer when Jupiter was around and Jupiter presented himself to her in a more…grand? aspect. It makes sense then that Jason can fly but he’s not really a lightning guy. Like. Yes. He caaaan, but pretty much so any time it counts there’s a mention that he like, petitions his dad to let him summon a bolt. But he controls the winds with ease, because Jupiter is a king, and that’s how he presented himself to Beryl.

Which brings me to a straight up theory I have about May Castellan. I think that she was either a politician or a political correspondent. Someone who was on the news a lot, someone with a sharp tongue, an excellent debtor, and an orator extraordinaire. All we know about her in canon is that she had Luke, and she was special enough to Hermes that he continued to visit her after Luke was born, and that he told her about the Oracle, and how that turned out.

Hermes is the god of a metric ton of stuff. Thieves, travelers, tricksters, merchants, athletes, gymnasiums, orators, communication, gambling, the list goes on. A lot of his kids are described as speedy: their mortal parents probably caught his eye due to being athletes. We know Luke to be very charismatic and the best swordsman the camp had seen in years. I think that indicates that May attracted Hermes as someone with a sharp wit, who could verbally spar anyone into submission (unless she was legit into swordplay) and she caught peoples attention and could convince them of anything. It also explains why she’d have been so insistent on becoming Oracle, besides being clear sighted. If she was an elected official or a media correspondent, it would suggest an interest in conveying messages, and being the voice for others, like being the voice of Delphi.

But Mags, that’s all well and good but Will’s mom is a musician. Why is his only gift on that front that horrible dog whistle?

Eh…? This one is tricky, however, it might be that she attracted Apollo because of her music, but he attracted her because he exudes warmth and light, thus her child gained healing and light powers and not music. It’s a weaker explanation. Sorry.

There is one other very notable exception to this theory, and I do have an answer to that. Leo’s fire ability had very little to do with Esperanza, and everything to do with the prophecy.

I think that Leo was fated to have power over fire, as the fire in “to storm or fire the world must fall.” That being said, I don’t think Leo’s crafting skills were fated. Those I feel were passed down from Hephaestus through Esperanza’s association with engineering and crafting with him, but the fire wasn’t. The fates wove that power in.

TLDR: Which powers a demigod inherits from their godly parent isn’t random, it’s determined by how their mortal parent perceived the god and their domains.

[yeokii]

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ❨ DREAMER DIARIES ❩ ‎ ─── 엔하

‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ 𝓮𝓷𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 of seven 𝐥𝐨verboys

somewhere along the lines of love and relationships, seven young boys get lost making love feel like a distant dream which they could not quite grasp onto.‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ── 🧸 so what happens when they fall under cupid's spell when they least expect it !

╰ dream girl has a future in you ❨ 𝓬𝓾𝐩𝐢𝐝 ❩ ──── high school series ! fluff and sometimes angst in most ʬʬ includes. enhypen ☁️ watch out for ! ៳ profanity, skin-ship, kissing and more ⵌ WC . . . est 1OK for each

‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎MY DREAMS OF LOVE

⌕ [ archives ] one result found . . .hi chat this is a lil gift in celebration for 1k!!! thank you so much I appreciate it and love you guys so much mwah!!! also im sick and tired of not seeing lovesick loser enha so tada!!!! id probably be updating this slowly with other works but I do hope you like it!! reblogs and comments r very much appreciated ^^

‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ENTRY ONE ┋ NISHIMURA RIKI

❨ right now ❩ nishimura riki was deemed the most aloof and mysterious pupil at belift high, while you were the opposite, being the social butterfly of the school, nicknamed "belift's star." you felt yourself drawn towards the young boy, but your plan of winning him over didn't go as smoothly as planned. read here !

a true teen romance ─── ❨ 𝓼𝓽𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐬 ❩ writing ! cold! riki x popular! fmr . ⁺ fluff ; angst ; she falls first, he falls harder ❨ warnings ❩ profanity, family issues, skinship, kissing F𝐄𝐀TURE wonie of enha & dani of nwjns ⵌ W.C ─ est 1OK

‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ENTRY TWO ┋ YANG JUNGWON

❨ stupid cupid ❩ jungwon had a blessing and a curse. the moment he was around, everyone seemed to fall in love with each other! yet no one seemed to fall in love with him. so when the poor boy sets his eyes on you─ the girl who gave up on love, he couldn't get you out of his mind. read here !

cupid's first arrow ─── ❨ 𝓼𝓽𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐬 ❩ planning ! cupid! jungwon x antiromantic! fmr . ⁺ fluff ; angst ; opposites attract ❨ warnings ❩ profanity, skinship, kissing, crazy stuff idk F𝐄𝐀TURE sunoo of enha & haerin of nwjns ⵌ W.C ─ est 1OK

‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ENTRY THREE ┋ KIM SUNOO

❨ best interest ❩ sunoo always loved his silly sketchbooks and the rusty old art room in corner of the school hallway, but what he loved the most was the peace and quiet he had in that small room. so it was justified why he felt angry when a stuck up bookworm had found solace in the walls of his art room. read here !

her dreams in his sketchbooks ─── ❨ 𝓼𝓽𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐬 ❩ planning ! artist! sunoo x bookworm! fmr . ⁺ fluff ; angst ; crack ; enemies to lovers ❨ warnings ❩ profanity, bickering. skinship, kissing, friend issues idk F𝐄𝐀TURE minju of illit ⵌ W.C ! ─ est 1OK

‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ENTRY FOUR ┋ PARK SUNGHOON

❨ strawberry soju ❩ so maybe sunghoon wasn't the smartest in the class! but his athletic future heavily depended on his grades. so he had to resort to you─the top student of the school. what he didn't realise was that even if your lectures were sleep worthy, you were somewhat making him addicted to you. read here !

your addictive touch ─── ❨ 𝓼𝓽𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐬 ❩ planning ! soccer player! sunghoon x tutor! fmr . ⁺ fluff ; angst ; crack ; unlikely pairs ❨ warnings ❩ profanity, kissing, kinship, jealousy F𝐄𝐀TURE jake of enha & wony of ive ⵌ W.C ! ─ est 1OK

‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ENTRY FIVE ┋ SIM JAEYUN

❨ espresso ❩ you were known as the pretty girl down the street that made the best espressos so when this particular statement came to jake’s ears — the coffee lover had to try it out for himself. so after his astute observations, he came to the conclusion that he now definitely had a new favourite café—and a new reason to visit. read here !

coffee made with love ── rich kid! jake x barista! fmr honey bee ! fluff ; crack ; love at first sight ❨ warnings ❩ profanity, kissing, F𝐄𝐀TURE jake of enha ⵌ ISN'T THAT SWEET ! ─ 1OK

‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ENTRY SIX ┋ PARK JONGSEONG

❨ get up ❩ you were always the goody two shoes, passing up a cigarette or a drink at any given moment ─the perfect angel everyone admired. but like every thing pure, it must be injected with a spike of venom, more specifically park jay─ the troublesome punk. though what jay didn't expect was that the more he tried to shake you, the more he felt his own world tipping over. read here !

stars around his scars ─── ❨ 𝓼𝓽𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐬 ❩ planning ! punk! jay x innocent! fmr . ⁺ fuff ; angst ; hates everyone but you ❨ warnings ❩ profanity, smoking, kissing, fights F𝐄𝐀TURE ning2 and gigi of aespa, tyun of txt, more ⵌ W.C ! ─ est 1OK

‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ENTRY SEVEN ┋ LEE HEESEUNG

❨ cherry wine ❩ prom was coming up and you were sure everyone in the school but you had a date. this wouldn’t bother you, but when lee heeseung—the school ace—asked you out, you thought it had to be a joke. so you would go out of your way to reject him infront of his friends. well you were right about that part but little did you know, he’d turned it into a challenge to win you over before prom, not knowing it was going to bite him right in the ass. read here !

two shoes for dancing ─── ❨ 𝓼𝓽𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐬 ❩ planning ! heartthrob! heeseung x unupopular! fmr . ⁺ fuff ; angst ; opposites attract ❨ warnings ❩ profanity, arguments, more F𝐄𝐀TURE jake of enha, hanni of nwjns ⵌ W.C ! ─ est 1OK

dreamer diaries tags .

perm tags . @zuyairus @bubblytaetae @yenqa @redm4ri @hanniluvi @haechansbbg @taejaysreads @shinunoga-iie-wa @teddywonss @naespas @isoobie @dimplewonie @jennaissantes @aishigrey

[jukashi]

As I understand it, "sentient" most likely became the more familiar term because it was relevant in animal rights contexts. "Sentient" basically just means 'able to experience sensation'. Experience/Consciousness, the basic ability to recognize a distinction between internal and external sensations (hence why it's pretty much equivalent to 'self-awareness', literally awareness of a 'self'), was argued as the prerequisite for the capacity for suffering, so demonstrating an animal was sentient was part of arguing for better treatment of those animals. Of course, other people would try to demonstrate that an animal wasn't sentient in order to claim it was ok to do anything to them - that they were just biological automatons, in effect. A bad argument, of course, with just one reason why being that you can't really prove the absence of sentience. In scifi, characters would say things like 'you can't do that/let that happen to a sentient being', and it was a reasonable thing to say! Just that in context those 'sentient beings' would tend to be sapient as well, because that's more interesting in fiction. From there it got copied by other authors and got twisted from 'a creature as capable of suffering and of being mistreated as a human is' to 'a creature mentally equivalent to a human'. "Sapient" means having wisdom, or more specifically the capacity for abstract thought - the ability to both hold onto information and to put different pieces of information together to create projections and predictions independent of prior experience. A human who had never experienced a cave collapse may still deduce that something must hold up the roof of a cave, that that something is probably the cave wall, and that digging the cave deeper may lead to the roof falling in. A crow can see that when a human's shoelaces are untied, they tie them again - so if it unties a human's shoes, it can deduce, they'll be distracted enough for the crow to steal something. Sapience is the ability to see underlying principles across different events, to calculate and draw new conclusions. This and this, therefore that.

Of course, it can be hard to prove the absence of sapience, too, because sapience is something you do, not really something you are. A lot of humans spend most of their days not demonstrating use of their sapience at all, just following instinct and training patterns, if sophisticated ones. If you don't have a reason to use it, or something to use it with, it's hard to demonstrate that you're sapient - and if you do demonstrate it, it's easy to mistake for possibly being just instinct or training.

I'd say cut some slack on use of sentience and sapience as words, because a lot of the time they're used to talk about ethics and mistreatment, and for that, sentience is the relevant quality. Sapience doesn't really mean you're more or less capable of suffering, except maybe in that you have an enhanced capacity for anxiety, fear and emotional suffering from being able to recognize dangers and implications more easily.

More recently, some scifi has started using the word 'sophont', which also basically just means having wisdom (it's the same 'soph' as in sophist or philosopher). It's mostly a synonym for 'a sapient being', but in my experience has some stronger connotations of having transmitted knowledge, collective culture and technology.

i am on my knees tears running down my face knuckles raw and bleeding and BEGGING people to learn the difference between sentient and sapient

[beelinx]

priorities

synopsis: osamu miya has always been a simple guy, prioritizing the same things all his life. but what happens when a new, unexpected person comes along, making his priorities change? warnings: rushed AND not proofread. probably ooc osamu bc i haven’t finished s4 yet </3 reader is referred to as girlfriend once! 1.6k words

osamu miya only ever had three things on his mind: food, volleyball, and his annoying twin brother.

he didn’t think much about anything, or anyone, else. he actually has a pretty straightforward routine, featuring all his main priorities.

wake up and eat a delicious breakfast

school (though he’s mostly thinking about what he’s having for lunch right now)

lunch with his friends and atsumu 

volleyball while his brother’s being annoying

snacking while drowning out atsumu’s voice

dinner, calmingly munching on his meal while his brother is still being annoying.

go to sleep, probably off to dream about food again

so yeah, osamu’s a pretty simple guy.

he didn’t get distracted easily, not that he’d be able to, anyway. if he lost focus during a match his brother would be sure to get his ass. which he already does, when osamu’s love for food occasionally gets the best of him.

for almost as long as he can remember, osamu’s had the same guiding priorities as always.

so, why was it that all his priorities were being messed up now?

why, instead of looking forward to lunch, he went to school looking forward to seeing your face?

why was he now zoning out during volleyball practice at the thought of you?

why was it that when you came along, he suddenly fell asleep dreaming of you, instead of his next meal?

he couldn’t understand why you were suddenly overcoming him. you, who he’d barely just met. how could someone he met not even a year ago be suddenly more important to him than everything he’s been prioritizing all his life?

he couldn’t figure it out.

he couldn’t figure you out.

you’re a year under him. you’re in the yearbook club, because, according to you, your friends wanted to all be in the same club together. that day, though, you had come alone. you said you were there to photograph the volleyball club, and you were nice to him, really nice. he couldn’t help but stare at you a little as you hurried around, trying to get the best pictures. 

that day, you briefly mentioned really liking onigiri, and that you were craving some at the moment. apparently, hearing say that was all it took to make him fall for you.

again, really simple guy.

ever since that day, when he first laid eyes on you, osamu’s never been able to stop looking for you everywhere he is. seeing your face was now the thing he looked forward to the most, with the highlight of his day being your satisfied little smile after taking a bite out of an onigiri.

his little crush was slowly becoming not so little anymore, with his teammates quickly catching onto the younger twin’s new and powerful infatuation. 

they’d tease him sometimes during practice, with his brother occasionally making snide remarks on how “his serves were off, probably because his daydreaming about his cute little girlfriend” causing osamu to roll his eyes and tell atsumu to “shut up” as he shoves a ball towards his face.

whenever he found the time to do so, osamu would stop by wherever you were. one of these days he gave you an onigiri he’d made himself, mumbling something about overhearing you say you like them. you told him it was the best onigiri you’ve ever had, so he started making them for you whenever he could.

you’d started eating lunch together at least once a week, and he really couldn’t help but stare at you while you munched on your meal. for some reason, he always thought you looked the most beautiful while you ate. especially if it was him that prepared it for you.

it’s not like he’s a coward or something, he wants to confess to you. he really does. but he can’t help but be scared about how it’s going to affect his life.

his three main priorities, all overshadowed by a new one. 

he wasn’t sure he was ready for that, so he waited. he waited, and waited, and waited. until one day, it all became too much for him.

he hadn’t planned it, hadn’t prepared for this except for all the countless nights imagining this moment. well, he hoped he’d be able to muster up some poetic words from those sleepless nights, instead of making this an incredibly awkward and disturbing experience for the both of you.

“hey ‘samu!” you greeted him. he felt himself blush merely at the sound or your voice. he silently cursed himself for how pathetic he was being. he handed you the onigiri he had brought along for you today, while avoiding all the eye contact he would to ensure you wouldn’t see him blushing furiously.

“wait, actually!” you said as you shoved your hand down your bag, slowly bringing out a container, “i brought you onigiri, too!” you quickly handed him the food, looking quite sheepish, “i wanted to switch things up a bit, but honestly i don’t think they’re as good as yours. still though, i wanted to do something for you! to thank you for being so sweet to me.”

you giggled softly as you handed him the packed goods. you kept talking, rambling on about your day or random things you’ve had on your mind. he didn’t reply to you, didn’t say or do anything but listen to your voice, not really processing what you were saying. he couldn’t exactly form coherent thoughts right now. he just stared silently at the meal, then at you, then back at the meal. he repeated this action thoughtlessly for a while. well, not really thoughtlessly, his mind was currently rushing with many thoughts, so many he couldn’t decipher any of them, except for the breathtaking image of your face..

suddenly, he felt overcome by courage and impulsively said, “be my girlfrien’?”

that seemed to stop your rambling on its track. you opened and closed your mouth repeatedly, trying to find the words to reply, or maybe you were just too shocked to process what he’d just said.

“c-can you repeat that?” you stuttered, still too taken aback by his sudden confession.

osamu felt as if his heart was trying to race out of his chest at this very moment. he hitched his breath, opening his mouth as he prepared to repeat his question, to face your cruel rejection, when a loud voice suddenly boomed throughout the schoolyard.

“‘SAMUUUU!”

priority number three.

“yer’ running late for volleyball practice, ya idiot,” atsumu said, “hurry up or we’re makin’ ya do diving drills alone!” 

osamu seemed to cringe at his brother’s voice, silently cursing him for interrupting your conversation. he turned around to look at his brother, and when he looked back at you, he couldn’t help but feel as all the previous courage to confess quickly drifted out of his body. now, all he could do was silently pray you actually hadn't heard him correctly, but he knew that was wishful thinking.

“‘samu i-”

“i’ve gotta go,” he interrupted you before hearing your words of rejection. he turned around and walked off after his brother, turning back to look at you twice, both with an apologetic and awkward look on his face. 

you were left standing shellshocked, alone, in the middle of the schoolyard, wondering what the hell just happened. 

you debated the possibilities of having actually misheard him. maybe he was actually talking about his secret girlfriend, bea. or maybe he actually saw a bee. no, that seemed very unlikely. but, really, what were the chances of your long-time crush actually liking you back? highly improbable. you’d even go as far as to say it was impossible, if you hadn’t caught him staring at you for a second too long before. 

you weren’t about to confess to him, though. no way. you already felt incredibly lucky to have somehow managed to befriend osamu, destroying your friendship would kill you. you nervously nibbled on the onigiri you were currently holding, one he’d made for you today. your favorite flavor, too. it was sweet, how he remembered exactly how you felt about each flavor.

well, that thought made you even more anxious, as you had now started pacing around nervously, trying to decipher what you should do with your current situation.

meanwhile, osamu wasn’t having it much easier.

“jeez, ya really blew it out there, didn't cha?” his brother teased him.

“shut up,” he mumbled back in reply, “‘s not funny,”

“i think it is!” he laughed, “why didn’t ya ask her out sooner, though? i’m sure she woulda gone on a date with ya,” atsumu said. well, osamu doubted that, and he wasn’t exactly sure when his brother switched from being an asshole to actually trying to comfort him. though, osamu figured maybe he felt bad after being the one to interrupt. 

actually, scratch that. that doesn’t exactly sound like atsumu.

“‘m not sure about that,” osamu replied slowly.

“nah, i know it! she’s crazy for ya,” he said, as he put a hand on osamu’s shoulder and patted him comfortingly, “you’ll get it next time, just not durin’ practice time, yeah?”

then it seemed like the topic was immediately erased from his brother’s mind, because he then started rambling on about whatever it is happened to him, not adding a single word about what just happened. osamu only listened to him vaguely, occasionally nodding or humming in reply, but his mind was clearly elsewhere. mostly on whether or not his brother’s words rang true at all.

did you really like him back? well, he figured it wasn’t actually impossible, you do treat him differently as you do others. and you made onigiri for him today. you always laugh at his shitty jokes, too. and you said you thought his hair was cute once.

…yeah, maybe he should try confessing to you again.but he’d make sure to do it properly this time.

[meamiiikiii]

Happy Anniversary In Stars and Time!! Have some Friend Quest based drawings :D

(These have specific quote picks related to them! And there's also a long ramble on why I like those specific quotes below if interested)

(And by long, I mean roughly 2k+ words of proper ramble total, so be warned before clicking keep reading!!)

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Okay, so honestly this is more or less an excuse to ramble out an appreciation post (of sorts) on everyone tbh, since I do not do that often if ever. I'm just using the quote picks to keep me a bit focused on topics a bit more specific than being completely aimless!

[Also specialist of special shoutouts to my friends Squid and Aya for proofreading all this. Ily guys ever so dearly <3333]

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Mirabelle

"Avoidance, huh... That feels... a little too cowardly, for me."

The Housemaiden, who would probably fulfill the 'Hero' role if this was a normal RPG, Mirabelle! She has a lot going on that's so interesting to me!! Okay tbf everyone else does too but I really just needed a segue.

She's the chosen one that wasn't really chosen. The reason she was blessed was due to circumstance, and it wasn't even by the Change God either. Because of that, she feels immense pressure/imposter syndrome since she knows the truth of her blessing. Speaking of feelings, she also already felt like she’s failing her own faith for being comfortable with herself, in staying the same forever. For not wanting to Change in that way, when everyone else can, and feeling broken because of it. And, of course, she literally has anxiety and hasn’t had access to her meds throughout the entire quest. That probably also does not help in the slightest!! It's an interesting stewing pot of feeling like a fraud of a 'chosen one' with all that in mind.

And yet, her dedication to her faith and country shines through her actions and words, whether she knows it or not. She’s not someone to avoid her worries. She’ll face them, head-on, even if she doesn't think she'll succeed. I feel like this quote captures it best to me actually! Especially since it's a direct response to Sif saying that they try to avoid their own doubts and worries, in comparison to Mira’s own in her own faith. It almost feels like a subconscious response, and to me that says a lot.

[Side-tangent, but it's also interesting to me that this very dedication works against her, in a sense? Like, notably the bonding proposals. Beyond the societal pressures in play related to the Change belief, she is also the one to take the initiative to ask a dating company for bonding proposals, it didn't just happen around her (as in, no one suggested this to her)? Even when she isn't even interested in dating anyone to begin with! She's not interested in Changing in that way!!! That is to say, her head-on dedication can be to the point of her own detriment at times, to the point of bringing her woe? Not sure if I am wording this properly. Just a thought I had, idk if it has much merit tho. Sorry if that made like no sense!!]

But yeah! She gives it her all in just about everything she does!! She was already known as the most hardworking Housemaiden in the House, always striving to better herself, always taking new classes prior to all this (over 150! and she herself said that she couldn't do anything before coming to the House, which makes it all the more impressive). And when faced with the insurmountable task of saving her home, all of Vauguarde, from being frozen over by the King? She continues on to take on the mantle as the chosen one, the one who will save everyone, and she starts it off completely alone. She's the reason the journey was able to play out, and why everyone is together in the first place. All because she isn't one to avoid her doubts and worries, and willingness to do it scared, yanno? It's just a small part on what I appreciate about her, but I think I'm going to cut myself off here!

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Isabeau

"Doesn't that feel like someone you wouldn't feel ashamed of knowing?"

Isabeau!! Literally the whole “Change is destruction” convo that Isa has prior to this quote was up to be picked, but I figured picking the end would be easiest. But now that I think about it, I think all my picks are basically at the end of the FQ's so that point is sort of moot. Oh well! It's just hard to pick a singular quote off of these okay!!

Isabeau from the start of the game is shown to be portraying himself as a himbo. Big guy, dumb guy, the like. But, even from the start, there are signs that he really isn't stupid, like at all! First early gameish example I can think of off the top of my head, that distinctly shows this, is the color theory book. Mainly because he sort of kind of drops the facade for a split second there. Without proper context to his deal, it's just a funny moment. But, reflecting after the fact, it's more of an '...OH!' moment, since he seems to have been kinda upset about not knowing about colors (even if he's hamming it up a little bit, saying he's 'failed them all' for not knowing what colors were.) And that's not even going into his emotional intelligence either.

But, delving into his FQ the full picture is shown. That he wasn't always this big boisterous guy. He used to be the nerdiest kid around, incredibly shy, and because of that he didn't like himself much. But then he Changed and is much happier now, compared to back then! Even after his Change though, he's unhappy with some aspects of himself. He doesn’t like being considered dumb because of his act. And, even after Changing, that kid from before is still there, right? As much as he continues to project this air of cool confidence, he can never truly be rid of that part of his old self, can he? The one always paralyzed by fear.

With that, comes the quote pick! Since, to me, he's not necessarily talking to just Siffrin here, but also to himself. Because it all boils down to his own self-hatred, I think? He himself does mention this in the A5 version of this FQ, albeit kinda heat of the moment, that he "...keeps changing personalities like clothes, because it's easier than learning to like myself." He's still a work in progress in that regard. But even still, he is trying to be better, for the people he cares about.

[Small aside, that too can maybe stem from his own self-loathing? Putting the people he cares about first. I mean, he is the one who told Sif to focus on the others first. And even after that, he was putting focus onto Sif at first during his FQ (as in, talking about how he thought Sif would like seeing the stars, only letting the convo slide into focus unto himself after Sif made an obvious topic change.) The quote also kind of reads as an ask of reassurance, in a sense? That him Changing again would allow himself to be someone that people would like, even if he himself doesn't like himself. Idk where I was going with this tbh, but I think it makes sense to keep its inclusion here!]

Overall, I just think it's interesting to revisit Isa's previous dialogues with the context of the FQ!! Especially when thinking on the underlying reasons as to why the way he's acting the way he is, even while seeing signs from the start that he isn't the airhead he was masquerading as.

---

Odile

"I'm Ka Buan and Vauguardian, in ways I do and don't realize... And I am also myself."

The Researcher, Odile! I think I’m just gonna jump right into it without a semblance of an intro since I know it’s going to be a lil less focused. Mainly because I know for a fact I will not be able to articulate this ramble that well, so here we go.

As the oldest party member, it makes sense that she's much further along in her own character development / self-discovery journey in comparison to the others (at least in relation to her FQ centered struggle on finding out more about herself in relation to her heritage), and I think her FQ, in itself, helps portray that. Compared to Mira and Isa, who are still in the midst of their own personal journey on how to address their turmoil and putting it to action, Bonnie, who is the youngest of the group and is learning how to tackle their issues to begin with, and Siffrin who is going through All That™; Odile has come to a conclusion about her own woes, where the others have not. 

That’s part of the reason why I went with the quote pick actually! In a sense, it’s a display of self-assuredness in herself that can really only be gained with time and experience. She’s also able to explain her feelings on her heritage eloquently as well, and the convo prior to the quote helps express them too! It’s the recognition that yes, her mixed heritage helped shape who she is as a person in ways she may or may not realize, that it’s not the only factor at play here in regard to her identity. It’s the fact that, at the end of the day, what matters most is that she is herself, yanno?

Even with her self-assuredness towards herself, it’s also interesting to me how that contrasts her closed-offness to the others, especially in outright saying/showing that she cares? Which also probably also stems from her mother, someone who was supposed to love and care for her, leaving without a trace early on in life. It makes sense to me that she would have reluctance in showing that she cares for the others!! What if she ends up hurting others similarly to how her mother hurt her?  Of course, she wouldn’t want to do that to the others, and is distinctly also why she does NOT want to be called a Mom. 

[Tangent that doesn’t relate as much to the quote, but I want to touch upon anyway since it’s FQ related. I also want to point out that the FQ helps inform us why Odile is more willing to question things around her / be more sus? When her mother left, she left nothing behind, and with it, any links to her Vauguardian roots. This left her with a complete loss of that connection, one that was stolen from her and, with that, the feeling like she didn’t belong anywhere as a result. This led her to be curious enough to seek out a resolution to that feeling, lending more into her inquisitiveness on just about anything. How else would she be able to learn more about Vauguarde, without asking questions, after all!]

All in all, for Odile it’s a bit harder for me to elaborate on why I like her? I dunno, I think it’s just hard to sum it all up as eloquently as she probably could LOL. 

---

Bonnie

"So you can protect me, and I can protect you... And we can protect everyone, too!"

Bonnie!! TBH I had a toss-up on what specific quote the drawing would be based around. The other one being “You got hurt because of me and— And I don’t like it!!! I don’t want it to have happened! You should have stood there and let me be hurt!” . Because of the toss up both quotes will be discussed somewhat, since they go hand in hand with the ramble!

[To note, the toss-up was decided by putting it on a poll to my friends, as a simple “choose !” with the options being “joyful” or “angsty” with ZERO context. I told them after what the poll was for (basically if Bonnie would be crying or not in the drawing) and I got threatened for that one HAHA.]

But, to start, Bonnie has had, not once, but twice, people sacrificing themselves in some way for them (Nille telling them to run and getting frozen, Siffrin losing his eye.) Makes sense, because they're a kid, so of course those who are older need to protect them. Still, they are not happy about this, about people getting hurt because of them, and understandably so! It probably doesn't feel good to have your loved ones putting themselves in harm's way for your sake. But what can they do, right? They're a kid and don't really get a say on the matter. I mean, what else can they do? It makes sense to me that Bonnie is frustrated about that part!! It can be frustrating to have everyone discuss things around you, have everyone do things that you don't want them to, and (unintentionally or not), ignoring your input as a person because you are so young.

Kids are smarter than you think. Even if they may not have a full understanding of what's going on, they can certainly follow along and get the gist. Like, for example, Bonnie always listens in on the burial conversation during the second snack break (first found out either during a FQ run or in Memory of Promise). They even pretend not to hear whatever Siffrin says to make everyone think that they aren't listening in! They also seem to hone in completely to the conversation the second Isabeau says that it doesn't matter what happens to him after he dies, since they stop prepping at that point. Even worse, everyone starts discussing how they won't let Bonnie be killed. Which, if it comes to fruition, would be the third instance of people getting hurt because of them, and would be another thing they get zero say in! And everyone thinks they aren't listening in on it, meaning they were being discussed around. Plus, in Memory of Promise, while they don't have the words to articulate why everyone talking about their deaths is so upsetting to them, this context spells out the picture of them not wanting people to be hurt because of them, time and time again.

So when they get a proper opportunity to have a say on something, their promise with Siffrin on protecting one another, to protect everyone too? It makes the exchange all the sweeter to me! It's the first time, in probably a long time, Bonnie has had proper input on something from someone older than them on an important decision. For once, they get to stand on a more equal footing to an adult, rather than being treated as a kid who doesn't know what's going on. And, it probably means more to Bonnie than Siffrin realizes.

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There’s probably a lot more of examples/subtopics I am forgetting to add onto all of these but. Please forgive me, but a good chunk of this was written while I was travelling or in one sitting on my singular day off after travel ASDAFSA. I might genuinely be forgetting something I wanted to talk about, esp since I couldn't double check stuff easily. I've been going off a combination of memory and downloaded friend ISAT streams LMAOOO.

Feel free to correct me on stuff I possibly? Completely misconstrued as well?? Since that is entirely possible in happening! Or further add onto thoughts! In short feel free to extend the discussion on any of this! But yeah, wrangling (some) of my thoughts on why I like them has been fun :D

And to those of you who read all of this to the end, thank you for reading my ramblings!! And if you're skipping to the end, FAIR ENOUGH LMAO!!

Regardless though, I'll end this off with a fun lil fun fact about this post! If I scheduled this properly, it should be going up at 11:11... somewhere! I thought it'd be a fun easter egg to myself. Mainly bc I remember people always used to say "11:11, make a wish!" a lot when I was school whenever the clock struck that time. I just thought it'd be fitting to queue this up for that time is all :]

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[vityaposting]

WRITING REQUEST HIII

what about reader going to viktor to get augmented for a non physical reason - like maybe mental illness or addiction or something (idk dealers choice) and viktor slowly getting to know them over time. eventually reader overcomes their problem, and viktor realises that he likes reader just the way they are - unaugmented or not.

don't feel obligated to do this lol just saw that your requests where open

HI!!!! i love this request so much i decided it needs to be a multi chapter thing (4 or 5 probably?) i got broken up with yesterday so i ATE this prompt up lol

how to heal a rusted heart - mh!viktor x gn!reader - part 1

wc: 2100

You approach Emberflit Alley with no small amount of trepidation. The house is smaller than you expected, shoddier on the outside; shutters hang from foggy, cracked windows, and ivy like claw-scratches makes its way up the worn brick walls. You know—as does every Zaunite you’ve ever met—that there is more to the Machine Herald’s residence than meets the eye. You don’t know exactly how—somewhere, some way, there is a massive laboratory tucked behind the house’s unassuming facade. Maybe a separate underground sector, or even a pocket dimension supplied by the Herald’s knowledge of thinning the barrier between tech and magic. All these speculations are, of course, rumors—you’ve never had a reason to solve the mystery yourself. Until today. Today, you’d snapped.

Your chest still burns with the fury of it all. Betrayal. And to think they’d claimed to love you. Sickly-sweet self-satisfaction rises like bile to the back of your throat, putting a little more power behind your knock on the door. You’d been right. Paranoia, your doctor had proclaimed years ago—a not-uncommon symptom of your particular ailment. Well, was it true paranoia if you were always proven right in the end?

It doesn’t matter. After tonight, you won’t care.

A thickly-accented voice cuts through the speaker above the knocker: “You may enter.”

Ominous. You push away your trepidation, another instinct you’d be free of sooner rather than later. The door is heavy steel—you have to use your shoulder to pry it open, but once you’ve managed its weight, it swings inward for you on well-oiled hinges.

You emerge into a wide space thick with the stenches of metal and oil, cast under an ambient glow in various shades of orange. Lights flicker at you from lanterns on the walls, from faint bulbs hung across the ceiling. A lab bench spans the entire length of the room, which seems impossibly large compared to the house’s outer facade. A pocket dimension it is, then. Maybe. You still can’t be sure. The equipment littered across the bench is foreign and complex-looking.

The whistle of steam and clicking of gears greets you before the Herald himself can.

He’s tinkering with something. Something sharp. He sets it down, turns on his stool, lowers his hood and pushes his goggles onto his forehead. You aren’t quite sure what you expected the Machine Herald to look like under his armor and mask. If he even takes them off at all. Whatever you expected, this isn’t it.

“Good evening,” he says levelly. His voice rumbles in his throat, his accent lending the greeting a soft, alluring quality. He tilts his head, an oddly innocent gesture, considering his reputation. “With what can I be of service?”

The words you’ve been rehearsing for hours lodge themself in your throat, and even a heavy swallow can’t force them out. The Herald is unblinking. Molten orange pupils burn into yours, piercing against his dark scleras. His face is pale and his features sharp—he’s beautiful, you note, not completely willingly—and his frame is thin and willowy beneath his cloak.

“Well?” he prompts, and shame floods you, reminding you why you decided to take measures this drastic in the first place. “Nobody comes this deep into the Lanes just to visit me. Not to say I mind the solitude.”

He doesn’t want you here.

You’re here for a service, scolds the rational side of your mind, a side which seems to grow more and more powerless with every passing week, with every friend you lose, with every burst of rage and every bridge you burn. A service he openly advertises. He allowed you to open the door. He could have… have death-rayed you.

“Mister… Machine Herald,” you begin, horrendously embarrassed at how your voice quavers. The air in the lab is muggy. You wrap your arms around your middle anyway. “I’ve heard of the… the services you provide, and I—”

“Viktor,” he interrupts. “Viktor will suffice.”

You cough. His eyes narrow.

“Go on. You seek augmentation.”

“Of the… unconventional variety, I guess you could say. Less of a physical augmentation and more of a…”

“You are at war with your own mind,” he observes. “I can see it in your eyes. Come closer.”

And you do, because there’s something in the rumble of his voice—which is so close to a growl you feel weak in the knees—and the sharp glow of his eyes that draws you in like a moth to a lantern. He gestures to the second stool at his side. You wonder who it’s normally reserved for. Patients? Experimental subjects? A partner, perhaps—or has he always only worked alone?

“You’re tense. Relax.” He speaks with such calm authority that it’s impossible not to listen. “I will not touch you without explicit permission. If it’s only emotional suppression you seek, I may be able to offer a solution that does not require me to lay hands on you.”

You don’t know why this disappoints you.

He tilts his head as he gazes at you, one gloved hand fidgeting with a trinket on his workbench. “Tell me. In detail. What is it you want out of this? What causes you such pain?”

“Everything,” you say. It’s almost a whimper. He raises an eyebrow. Clearing the embarrassment from your throat, you try again. “Everything is… is so much. I’m scared. All the time. I can’t love anyone anymore, I… I’m afraid they’ll all leave me.” Oftentimes, they do, you neglect to add. This won’t concern Viktor. He has no reason to care. “And it can change on a coin. It’s like you said. It’s like being at war.” A war between your body and your brain, you’ve realized, would never be one worth fighting. This, however, seems to be the only way to put an end to things. You look at Viktor plaintively, hoping he isn’t judging. If the rumors are true, he removed his ability to judge long ago.

“Ah,” he said after a silence that seemed to stretch for eons. “I understand.”

“My doctor says it’s an… ailment.”

“That may be,” he says. “As such, you have a right to want to heal it. Procedures with the intent to alter emotions are harder and riskier than procedures focused on the physical. I am happy to give you what you ask for, but you must be aware of the potential consequences. Do you intend to eliminate all emotions, or… only their extremities?”

“Only the extremities.” Life will be much easier, you think, if you never have to love another person again. Amicable acquaintanceship, however, hurts nobody.

“Good,” he hums. “Complete removal is difficult. If I weren’t so stubborn I’d nearly say it was impossible.”

“How do you know?”

“I tried,” he says plainly.

“And you failed?” You don’t know what emboldens you to say it.

“I simply have not yet succeeded.”

You look at him, then, really look at him. And behind those beautiful eyes that glow with the light of a hundred fires, shine with the darkness of a hundred polluted Zaun nights, you almost swear you see your own loneliness staring back at you.

“It’s risky,” he continues. “In the case that something goes awry, do not say I didn’t warn you.”

“Of course,” you whisper.

“May I take a closer look? I’d like to get a feel for the incision site.”

You nod a silent confirmation and bow your head, gripping the sides of the stool. He wheels himself closer. Lifts his hand. You hold your breath.

The Herald’s hands are gentle when they card through your hair, pushing a few strands away from your forehead. His demeanor now is a far cry from the terrifying villain you know him to be—the chaos-wreaking force of evil most of Zaun insists he is. You wonder, as your breathing calms, exactly how many of the tales are wild fantasy, because this soft touch is the realest thing you've felt in a long, long time.

“All I can promise you is that I will be careful,” he murmurs, tracing a line from the center of your forehead to the crown of your hair. “This particular procedure is immensely detail-oriented, even in comparison to the others I’ve performed. To dampen your emotions, I will be altering your limbic system, in the simplest of terms. However, if I am not meticulous, I risk damaging other functions, such as reasoning or memory.”

Truth be told, waking up without any memory of the hurt you’ve endured doesn’t sound too awful.

But, you realize as a shiver runs down your spine—you want to remember this.

“There is another option,” Viktor goes on. You’re forced to draw your attention away from his soft, prodding touches. “Implants in the form of pills. Those, however, I’ve not yet managed to make permanent. They’re finicky, and they don’t last long. You’d have to take them twice a day—one separate medication for each emotion you wish to suppress. I imagine it would all be a hassle. This, however… if you consent, I can perform the entire procedure in one process, and your desired results will be immediate.” He draws his hand back, lightly scratching your scalp—it’s enough to relax, but not enough to hurt. “You don’t have to decide today.”

“No, no. That’s alright. I’ll take the… the surgery.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I am.”

Finality settles over you like a chilly breeze as he pulls away. You’ll finally be free. Free of heartbreak, of fury, of flaws. There’s something in his mechanical gaze that unnerves you and enthralls you simultaneously. Something human.

“Being that this is a complicated procedure,” he says, “I will have to schedule it in advance. I will reserve an entire day for you and I cannot free the time for a week. A week from today. Is that alright with you? I can give you the medication to temporarily curb your symptoms in the meantime, if you like. It’s experimental, but I am relatively sure of its safety.”

He looks so hopeful. You know the joy etched in the lines of his sharp face is nothing more than the joy of scientific innovation, but it’s endearing all the same. The Machine Herald of Zaun’s urban legends is a completely different person. You find it hard to believe that the cackling, murderous tyrant rumored to haunt the Lanes even shares a name with the man in front of you. There’s a hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth, and a few locks of hair sticking up haphazardly from beneath his goggles. You find yourself cracking a grin for the first time in days.

“No,” you say. Your chest feels lighter. Just a bit. Enough to be noticeable, enough to instill the certainty that trusting your life to the Herald is the right decision—malicious cackle, terrifying armor, death laser, and all. “No, I’ll be alright.”

He crosses his arms over his lap. “You don’t have to tell me what happened,” he says softly. “But the ache in your heart… someone put it there. I know the feeling. You are not the first to be driven away from loving altogether. I once thought I had a simple fix. I… do not know if it was the foolproof solution I thought it was. I will perform any procedure on you that you wish. But you should know this. Metal is perfection, yes, but love… love can rust the strongest steel.” He swallows, fiery eyes flickering. “I thought I’d warn you. However, I do my best for all my patients, and you are no exception.”

You’re quiet for a long moment. You’re grateful for the lab’s low lighting—it’s unlikely Viktor can see the blush crawling up your neck. “I—thank you.”

“Do you still want this? Even considering the risk?”

He looks at you so softly. He must look at everyone that softly, you realize, but the knowledge doesn’t make you feel any less warm. “Yeah.”

He gives you a businesslike nod, and you can see the Machine Herald’s persona sliding back into place. Cold. Unfeeling. For a moment, though, you saw the truth. “Thank you. I will see you one week from today—be here as early in the morning as you please. I’ll walk you out. Be safe out there. I can only complete the procedure if you return to me in one piece.”

What a gentleman, you think, but you say nothing. You accept with a small smile.

His hand brushes your shoulder as you reach for the handle of the door. Your whole body sparks, as if you’re a machine already.

“Goodbye,” he says. “And best of luck. I will pray that the next week treats you kindly.”

You almost want to hug him goodbye—out of thanks if nothing else. You hold yourself back. “I’ll see you then.”

The last thing you see before the door shuts behind you are his eyes. Two pinpricks of light in the darkness of the Lanes. Mechanical though they are, you realize they still crinkle at the corners when he smiles.