#which is my thought process behind following most ppl i follow | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kendrixtermina · 2 years ago

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Serious Onions

I hadn’t put these on tumblr & it occurred to me that I probably should

o, my recent onion layers post has been met with unexpected great popularity - several ppl noted that they thought that, though it was obviously rather humoristic in style, it seemed to contain some on-point insights (it has been said that the best jokes contain a grain of truth), so, a few users asked if I might explain the thinking behind it.

General Remarks

As I previously detailed in a response, it didn't come from any particular source, but from an amalgamation of what id read in all the sources as well as all the personal accounts I'd read, what stuck out as noteworthy or what gets remarked upon as underappreciated/ misunderstood qualities by people of said types - and trying to think about which qualities are more 'fundamental' and which are reactions layered on top as defenses. The whole intrapsychic dynamics thing is a big part of what I find interesting to consider about typology, & independent of that I'd always been intrigued by the idea of "hidden depths" or less than obvious fundamental characteristics.

I was looking also at the process of getting to know a person, what more or less apparent characteristics are - the choice of 3 layers is relatively arbitrary - Loosely inspired by the saying that "Everyone has 3 faces, the public face, the close-up view of the inner circle & the inner stuff that maybe nobody sees", though I did not per se intend a 1:1 correspondence. ...that saying was probably thought up by a social having attachment core.

But more generally, without being too prescriptive, we can think of Layer 1 as what is the most obvious & apparent at first glance, Layer 2 as what comes forth when you get to know the person on an interactive-every-day kind of level or what is under the surface, and of Layer 3 as the basic disposition that all else build upon, the innermost self or some underlying truth – which for some ppl might be quite buried under a whole lot of defenses, for others is known only to themselves & for others yet might very much come forth in situations conducive to being open & shine through here & there.

For example, a 6 can look like a sour complainer or a hot mess, but when you look deeper, you might find that they're actually quite solid, dependable & competent, which you may overlook/ never get to know if you dismiss them based on the complainy exterior. But while some may seem 'obedient/dutyful', if you look further in (to the natural disposition that the individual themselves may have buried under sediments of defenses), what you actually find is this doubt/questioning. Furthermore, that's actually the core from which everything else logically follows.

though obviously here it's been given a blunt/humoristic slant with positive and negative moods/manifestations of the layers alternated for comedic effect - The inner core of the assertive types could show up as both pure and puerile for all three of them (in their own way), not like 3s its always pure and in 7s always childish, but there's some particularly that comes from their having the heart 'out of the loop'. I guess the 8 one sort of explicitly pointed as the "pure does not mean pure good" aspect of it.

Also, often the stereotype of the type is just based on the surface behavior but real people are 3D with depht and complicated inner mechanisms – in the end everyone’s an individual defined by more than just their types, but the deeper parts of a person also show some type-specific characteristics.

I'm breaking this into sections so it's not confusing to those with less patient attention spans.

Type 1

Layer 1: polish & politeness

Sort of the most obvious thing – they look put-together, nothing looks out of place about the outfit, no spelling errors, everything in its place.

Hence the common idea of them as neat freaks or perfectionists, not that either is always true – but ppl that have gone to panels have observed how if you see a bunch of them as a group, there can be ‚sparkly‘, ‚bright‘ or ‚brilliant‘ quality – especially contrasted with, say, the rigid/assertive 6s that can sometimes be confused with them, but present as more approachable.

This extends also to their behavior, as in being measured, having good manners etc. As competency cores they’d have a focus on ‚correct procedure‘ or ‚appropriate‘ responses, here in the realm of the concrete, of action and one’s spatial surroundings so that the results are rather visible.

A lot of the typical thinking activity is this quick binary sorting or evaluating – is this right or wrong, correct or incorrect, how does it compare? Is this the right amount of reaction? Does this match my inner image of how it should look? Not always solely moralistic but rather a kind of idealism applied to the concrete realm -

& that reflects on how they look, basically.

1w9s in particular may present a little stiff, awkward, overly formal or low on expressiveness, whereas the w2s can come across quite impassioned and zealous, a touch warmer and very well equipped to whip a crowd into a frenzy with fiery speeches or sermons full of rightheous indignation.

Layer 2: angery (meme spelling deliberate)

The well known catch is of course that there can be a lot of frustration underneath that.

There’s some individuals (especially if they’ve had a not so good childhood) where the anger can get quite diffuse & they’re not very aware of it;

Others very much realize that they’re motivated by a sense of frustration for what could be better that they’re trying to channel towards constructive ends.

How much that bleeds through depends on the individual, their level of self-awareness, how stressed they are & what situation they’re in, though they may underestimate how much of a critical, judgy or autocratic vibe there can be – a lot of em very much don’t want to come off that way.

With others, only their spouse or bestie might witness outright ranting or yelling.

There can be some contrast between the typically polite & measured surface presentation & the person blowing their top and then there’s of course all those often recited double life stories etc.

Those are of course the dramatic cases that make for dramatic anecdotes.

But on average you’re more likely to see rather measured responses - some don’t go beyond the odd nagging comment and hardly ever raise their voices (and might be uncomfortable with big displays from others, especially those of the w9 persuasion)

A lot of the time it’s nothing so dramatic, there’s just a bunch of only half-aknowledged pent-up frustration contributing the high blood pressure & tension headaches and the like.

Layer 3: sad idealist

Under the anger, tho, there’s sadness. On the macro scale, a grief over living in a fallen world full of injustice.

On the micro scale, a sadness about all that you’re denying yourself and how no one seems to be seeing your efforts.

As far as qualities that the 1s themselves tend to see as not getting appreciated enough, the EA studie named introspective qualities – that does track with my personal experience that a lot of Serious Philosophic Thoughts about the world can be found here, the world’s story state and uneccesary it could be if only everyone would care to fix it.

It’s worth noting that as the impulse types have sort of the least filtered perception, they take in all that’s happening on a direct, visceral level, so the revulsion or sadness at everything that’s ‚wrong‘ can be felt very strongly – emphatically state his some shameless behavior was ‚disgusting‘ or nearly losing his dinner over a crime scene photo -

And there’s also a real, sort of pure endearing sincerity of wanting to get it „right“, a real need to be doing one’s best, like that’s barely enough somehow.

Type 2

Layer 1: sugar spice & everything nice

The surface presentation is above all geared to be likeable and invite bonding – helpfulness is one aspect of that especially with sp-havers but it can get overemphasized. Other components depending on stacking may be approachability, charm, seductiveness, passion, flattery, schmoozing, even pointing out one’s special qualities, stressing exclusive qualities of the relationship or sympathy fishing for ‚legitimate‘ reasons like health problems or becrying the sorrow of a loved one etc.

as well as making sure to appear friendly, approachable, attractive, respectable etc.

Either way they feel they must actively make a good impression happen so they will actively offer to do stuff or even just go and do it spontaneously.

Recently I had a good chance to observe this in practice ’cause grandma is visiting and like, physically could not be stopped from cleaning mom’s house. If there is one dish in the sink she appears as if summoned by a magic circle even though she’s supposed to be the guest here. She’s also gone to pass on helpful reminders, made suggestions for how we should help mom & told all sorts of mildly melodramatic stories. I can understand that mom’s at times a bit annoyed with the nagging & the overreach, but, being perhaps able to look at this with more distance & less messy backstory, I’m making sure to say ‚Thank You‘ & give her hugs & stuff cause in the end she’s just a lonely old lady & wants to feel useful. I think I previously used to chalk it up to how she used to have an important job position & must be missing the special treatment & ability to contribute from that.

Layer 2: mother knows best

What distinguishes 2 from say, 9, is that its a far more proactive and somewhat ‚tough‘, it’s more hidden than with 5 or 8 but there’s still that, ‚I can handle it‘ thing. 2s are actually one of the types that can be pretty good in a crisis. (like 8, 1 or 6)

The whole ‚silk hiding steel‘ cliche might be invoked.

2 (like 1) tends to have the thinking functionality a bit out of the loop which has its downsides, like putting feelings over fact or acting without thinking, but that also means being low on doubt (not per se the relationship preoccupation kind of anxiety, they can have plenty of that, this is probably their big achilles heel) – one can act quickly & with certainty which, again, is great in crisis or extreme situations – hence why you often see 2s as charity workers, doulas, doctors-without-borders, hospice workers, homemakers etc. heavy responsibility emotionally taxing jobs that would emotionally crush others.

One might draw some parallel to 8 in that there is an aspect in getting a kick out of what would daunt others, but here not in the sense of risk, but rather obligation & responsibility and having other’s depend on you, having that sort of personal-relational power.

Of course this also has its downsides, as suggested by the funny monicker here there can be a tendency to hide behind the pleasant surface layer & not own one’s ambition, strenght or forcefulness. Or indeed the person may not know their own strenght or have low self-awareness of their own motives believing themselves to basically be the pleasant surface. (as 2 is somewhat blocked in the introspective function symbolized by the growth line to 4)

Though some know they’re tenacious & are proud of that – be it in a deserved or self-excusing way.

Also, even tough ppl have limits (another parallel to 8) – so one might either overextend themselves or snap and have some dramatic outburst because they feel overtaxed and unappreciated.

Layer 3: desperate hunger for love

What makes it a trap or a hell or a double bind is that on the one hand you rly strongly want to connect & have relationships, love & be loved etc. but on the other there’s a big implicit taboo of like outright showing that in some ways – cause that’s the avoidance, you can’t appear needy, that’s not gonna be considered very loveable or popular, or so your superego tells you.

& certainly our current capitalistic, competitive, every-man-for-himself culture that treats feelings as a gotcha doesn’t help, often when you hear discourse about relationships you could get the idea that there’s some unspoken assumption that whoever cares more somehow loses. Lots of dismissive talk about „silly lovesick girls“ and „needy bitches“, though, its not like more emotional men or dudes who are distressed about relationship misfortune don’t get viciously mocked.

That’s sort of the trap or tragedy that ppl get „tricky“ in response to rejection or fear of reection but then the trickyness brings about the rejection. But I imagine that there’s a special grief in realizing that few ppl want the same degree of interaction as you do & that some degree of holding back & censoring is needed for taking part in polite society. That can put you in a tricky position that can be a fertile ground for guilt feelings (much like realizing that you’re way less interested than most others can)

It’s worth remembering that ultimately these ppl just want to love & be loved (& some of ppl’s apprehension can be related to their own unease toward that concept or their own knotty relationships with want or need) – which isn’t to say that anyone should be put up with extremely unpleasant specimens, but even in those cases its kind of a tragedy when you look at it from a wider perspective. So, uh, maybe send your quarrelsome grandmas the occasional heart emoji or mother’s day text I guess.

Type 3

Layer 1: flashy facade

You know the drill: If they were in a book there would be a little „TM“ somewhere, and if they were in an animated medium, their teeth would sparkle when they grin. This is the part that’d described to death in all the descriptions out there so you can probably picture what is meant.

Glossy, flashy, bright and dazzling, megawatt smile, optimistic Can Do attitude, , versatility, constant improvement, efortlessness, „star“ presentation…

Though it must be appreciated that the degree also values by the individual, 378 is oing to be much flashier than, say, 359. Some what to be respected & known more for their „output“

Layer 2: efficient robot

Cordon describes this kind of interestingly – ovsly being a 6 and also a therapist he’d have observe ppl closely, and he described how you might be talking with a smiley, expressive person but also get the sense that somewhere behind that there’s someone else, carefully watching.

He describes that 3s often have an affinity to or identify themselves with high performance machines, and indeed that’s something you can confirm by looking at the works of some prominent musicians for example.

There’s that layer of ‚calculation‘ or ‚instrumentalism‘ – a split between the ‚social‘ and ‚impulse based‘ emotions in which the latter get tuned out to not interfere with the performance of the former. The attachment typical split-attention plays out by having the vigilant perception of ppl’s reactions and fine-tuned performing of social emotions existing in parallel with the planful action coming from the planning mind & the impulses.

Which unintentionally sounds like im describing a supervillain, but it can actually be an amazing & unique ability to handle social situations through a problem-solving lens, which can allow one to be efficient and masterful, and, in more, enlightened individuals constructive & persuasive in a way you couldn’t pull off if you let your own reactions feature into it unfiltered.

An example is how the protagonist of Kare Kano (probably 3w4) responds when she gets snubbed by her classmates. I could imagine stewing in your hurt and trying to find some meaning in it (which is what I would have done), I could imagine how someone might grovel or people-please in order to be liked, but the third approach that the protag actually uses would never have occurred to me:

It’s not that she wasn’t hurt by the experience or feeling insecure about it, but instead of dwelling on how she’s hurt or having a grudge against the classmates, she problem solves: She finds herself new friends who help her identify & publicly call out the ringleader behind the snubbing, and therefore skillfully maneuvers the class into siding with her. She even extends an olive branch to the former ringleader.

I am also a competency type so I might apply methodology to many areas of life where most ppl wouldn’t, but I would never thought of approaching this sort of social situation through such a lens, I thought that was pretty impressive of Miss Yukino.

Though, on the other side of that, there can be the temptation for some 3s to put off dealing with the fee fees for so long they just never get around to it, doing nothing but work work work , disregarding their human limitations etc.

Layer 3: golden retriever

In some ppl it’s very buried under a lifetime’s worth of need-nobody-tough-guy-act, thick calluses and/or believing one’s own hype, but somewhere at the beginning before it all went sideways they started out as some little kiddo with a pure & sincere desire to win love, approval and headpats, to hear ppl say that they’re proud of them, that they’re seen & valued, that they did good - which you might recognize as ultimately 100% purely feelings-based motivations.

Of course at some point the individual might have decided to settle for glory & hype because real love & approval weren’t forthcoming, or because of the vulnerability entailed in looking for the real deal. People can just not give you the approval, or they can laugh at you & call you names instead - & the disaproval stings if you easily attach to other’s perceptions of you.

So there’s like, just hype where it doesn’t matter where it comes from divorced from properly bonded relationships, and there’s nifty status symbols you can slap your hand on. You’ll show them. They’ll see when you’re swiming in money and having what all the ppl on TV have... and probably just, numb out whatever bits clamor for like proper connection until it no longer feels safe to drop the mask. Like this is a counterdependent mechanism. Like the rebel 6s or those more loner-y 9s.

Judging by the stereotypes you’d think the tough badass ellbow feelings-are-for-losers presentation is the default. Or well, it’s not like trying to be tough is always dysfunctional or overcompensation, the world is a tough cutthroaty place. Nothing wrong with being a badass as long as you’re not like exceedingly ruthless toward others.

But this doesn’t prepare you for pulling up some youtube video or podcast and you get these like really sincere expressive ppl that are obviously all heart & capable of a very ‚pure‘ sort of mirroring or connecting. And yes they’re all organized, yes they care about being popular, they like attention & clearly have, like, the charming, polishing and crowd-working skills of someone who’s like a moderator, but they also basically just want you to like you & think they’re cool no knots or trickery or underhanded hidden agendas.

That’s also why no one ever types Naruto right though he constantly proclaims that his goal is to embody the cultural ideal of his hometown so people will approve of him. that, and he’s sp blind. And a feeler. F types can often be the less ‚onion layered‘ version of a given type, presumably cause being poked in the lower functions hurts prompting the development of more guards. Though you can get some pretty guarded feelers if you subject them to enough bad parenting…

Though overall most 3s are probably still generally the quintessential „peach“ type person (defined in opposition to a „coconut“ where there is a hard shell/initial hurdle to get to the juicy center) – fairly easy to build a rapport with & become surface level friends with, but then there’s that inner core that takes a special level of trust to get to.

Type 4

Layer 1: distinguished sophistication

On average, the surface presentation tends to be distinguished, sophisticated, deliberate and cultivated – as this is a withdrawn type they won’t always necessarily loudly declare themselves & might well often feel that it’s not worth bothering cause ppl might not get it anyway (especially the w5 specimens), but if they do speak/ get involved, they will make their positions, likes & dislikes fairly clear. This can sometimes frustrate or confuse attachment types whose MO is to first find some common ground & then buil on that / see how good the fit is, & can take the pointing out of differences as a rejection or judgement.

Generally withdrawn types don’t expect others to agree with them (indeed if too many ppl agreed the 4 might be some degree of embarassed) but it’s just like – I say my opinion, you say yours, if they differ then they just do.

Granted, seeing as tastes & likes & feelings are Serious Business(TM) they may well lambast ppl who listen to the wrong kind of music (because of the culture & associations that that music is seen as a symbol for) – This is seen as having „strong values“ & if as a result you can’t get along with everyone, that’s just how it is. (though they may of course have too high standards, jump to conclusions on those associations or lament that they can’t find anyone who „gets it“) – but more mature ones are more willing to live & let live.

Even so, this is a marked difference to some of the types that are, at least on paper, easily confused, such as 9, 2 or 6 – those are all types that have some compulsion to appear approachable, personable and/or avoid antagonizing others.

Like 8s for example they’re not one of the types that are automatically nice but don’t want to appear easily impressed (if their approval were too easily given it wouldn’t mean much) – though to ppl with reactive components this may read as a pleasant lack of fake niceness.

Lately it’s been en vogue to describe 4s as ‚elitist‘ to like make them sound unappealing to common idealization-based mistypes but that’s not really neutrality either – can some 4s be superior snobs?

Yes. But not everyone. What they definitely are is specific, like idealizing a very particular kind of music or aesthetic , sometimes to the point of painting themselves into a corner. But „I like this particular thing & everything else isn’t my cup of tea“ doesn’t have to mean putting down others you can just differentiate yourself naturally.

And there is value in making very specific or particular or self-indulgent stuff that otherwise wouldn’t be created for fear that it wouldn’t have broad appeal - since they’re just, doing it for themselves with themselves as the intened audience.

The principle to understand here is like basically – „If no one will see me, I’ll see myself“, imbuing one’s actions with symbolic meaning to create a sense of significance.

It’s also worth noting that 4 is like, intellectual center secondary & wedged in between two competency wings so, some individuals can be fairly proud of their intellect & even brag of it in ways that 2, 9 or 6 probably wouldn’t. Which can be overdone to a point of obnoxiousness especially if there’s some defensive arrogance going on, but also lead to a sense of refined craftsmanship especially if the line to 1 is somewhat active.

In the same vein, individuals can also have a thing about self-improvement and self-betterment or take a ‚shamanic guide‘ kind of role.

Though immature individuals can also not think very much at all & resist all advice or improvement suggestions due to seeing their problems as unsolveable and any fixing attempt as unauthentic.

Layer 2: pure spite

So you meet your fave artist that had this consummate specific aesthetic, and turns out everyone who knew them up-close describes them as drama-prone, vicious, negative, liable to making incendiary statements, self-absorbed and just guaranteed to make the purity police get its panties in a twist.

What’s going on here?

On the most basic level, there is simply a lack of negativity filter, which doesn’t just concern relatively ‚pretty‘ negativity like sadness, but also making a big deal of personal poblems or expressing srong dislike, disdain, disgust, loathing or hate.

Hate is often seen as something that should always be got rid off, but, though there are constructive and non constructive outlets like for all emotions, it is not the only emotion that’s somehow all bad and doesn’t have a function. Some things arguably should be abhorred. Grudges keep you from burning yourself on the same hot stove twice.

Disgust is, at its most basic, the drive to avoid the contamination of the individual: „That’s NOT me. That’s disgusting. I don’t want to be like that“ – disgust can motivate you to be moral, or at least to hold on to what’s important spite can make you persevere when nothing else will sustain you.

Hence why a 4 component is often correlated with vindictiveness or revenge fantasies.

Obviously it can be overdone as like reckless dumb spats or personal vendettas that only lead to more scorched earth, but like, the functionality is there for a reason.

Nonetheless, core 4s can be very salty ppl, especially if they feel permanently wronged/slighted/ shortchanged or spend too much time simmering over how much easier others have it without then moving to the next step of action or acting in impulsive rather than constructive ways.

Layer 3: grief & longing

Most ppl eventually just accept that the world isn’t fair and that what is lost is lost – we might tough it out, suck it up, positively reframe it, tell ourselves it doesn’t matter etc. Sometimes that might be what you have to do to survive; Though sometimes there can also be a tad of self-betrayal there.

Either way, we forget the lost paradise – and the 4s kinda don’t. Whatever hurt they went through, they want to honor it and give it its proper space. It’s not necessarily that 4s per se suffer more or less than other ppl, it’s that their relationship to it is different-

And like, let’s acknowledge that there is a truth and a wisdom in this, or at least a fragment of the whole picture: Bad stuff is BAD. What hurts HURTS. What’s gone is GONE and never coming back.

You might say that it’s pointless to be hung up on that and that it cannot be changed anyways and, like, that’s the other types having their own slice of reality & fragment of the truth, but, what’s also true is… it was still bad. It still hurts. It still mattered.

You know how it is sometimes said that grief is the pendulum swing of love, or love with nowhere left to go? It’s the evidence that the love was there. That what was lost was worth something.

And there’s like, a sincerity and idealism in that, a very genuine thing (for all that it can, like all things, be overemphasized), despite the outer layers of drama and pretesion.

Some descriptions focus only on like, the sadness without the context or structure or particularity (after all everyone can be sad & for some its a longer journey to realize their sadness matters) whereas others paint only the uglyness and drama without connecting it to where it really comes from and neither of those is a complete picture.

Type 5

Layer 1: [*televison static*]

Which is, uh, obviously a sort of humorous play on the way that these are often considered as being somewhat hard to read, low on expressiveness, unforthcoming in disclosure, clumsy in social niceties etc.

Sometimes it is very much intentional to restrict an interaction to ‚strictly business‘ of course – can’t be friends with all the billions on the planet especially if you’re super duper introverted and also busy with stuff.

But i also think Cordon was onto something with there being a quick tendency towards freeze responses (in the same way that 6s tend toward vigilance & confronting the problem, and 7s towards running away/avoiding it) and if you couple that with the whole tendency to see „the outer world“ as the place that is potentially suspect, well…

In a sense its basically just means having an especially pronounced version of the whole „introvert needs a while to ‚thaw up‘ and get comfortable“ phenomenon.

There’s also the strong content focus, which can come off impersonal to some – or straight up rude or callous if the individual fails to consider how things might be taken on other possible communication channels (like a personal-relational lens or lizardbrainy power dynamics) – not considering these can also cause one to come off less convincing, as in aimless rambling or having little sense of presence.

It’s not always about hiding or diversion, telling you about some stuff that they personally find interesting talking more than strictly necessary.

I’m not saying you have to put up with annoying aimless rambling monologues, but you might want to be like, „No thank you“ rather than „Shut up you showoff/weirdo/nerd, no one wants to hear this“

There can be uncertainty as to how to interact at all when there isn’t a clearly defined activity or topic.

But you do read accounts where the individual in question ostensibly took responsibility & made sure to explicitly clarify their intentions and feelings verbally, but that still got taken as ‚mixed signals‘, when the person described just seems to be… the normal amount of nervous for a young person on a date, for example. You can only do so much about what kind of automatic fear response you have.

As these are usually private & reclusive, the number of those who get to look beyond the first layer is usually fairly small; Only their lover, bestie or immediate family members maybe. For some the number might be outright zero, unless they’re some sort of artist or wrote their inner thoughts & feelings down in some kind of journal. And even then there’s a higher than usual percentage of those whose materials were only published after their death.

And many very much prefer it this way, though you sometimes hear from the social doms that they are somewhat bothered by this, in that they want to be or subjectively feel connected (like all the other social doms, one supposes) but feel frustrated that they can’t, even if they’re quite capable of putting up an engaging, likeable front. You sometimes read the specific phrasing of the person wishing someone would see through it and move the conversation beyond the script.

Though, not having social, I can’t personally relate to that at all and the prospect of people assuming that I secretly want them to do anything seems threatening if anything. Though I share the perception that a lot of exchanges are really just ppl following scripts, but, for me that’s a reason to dispense with such ‚zero content‘ exchanges completely.

Layer 2: obsessive doomer

What you usually see reported when ppl get to know one of these up close is „Wow this person is super negative“ and „wow this person is a lot more blunt/direct than I thought they would be, weren’t they, like, shy?“ (Contrary to popular belief, not all introverts are shy.)

Besides getting them to move in with you, you might also seesomeone act a great deal less filtered in an anonymous setting or something like a short vacation where they have the option of never seeing anyone involved ever again.

I also recall this post of someone who couldn’t quite make sense of that one reticent sort of unreadable friend cause he’d only joi in their antics so often, wasn’t super expressive etc. though he had outright told them that their friend group is very important to him, „unless he’s drunk and then he’s suddenly very open about everything“ and I thought to myself, ‚Ah. That��s probably the closest they get to seeing what he’s like on his own’.

If you look at a list of famous artists, writers or musicians or whatever their material doesn’t tend to be known for being like blank prosaic & precise or whatever but for being dark and intense and sometimes a bit provocative, or at least kinda philosophic.

Though, if you look at some of the earlier literature, like Naranjo, Palmer, Maitri and so on the defining characeristics rather seem to be „kind of ineffectual“ and „throws the towel rather easily & keeps coming up with reasons why its pointless to do anything“

So, what do these ppl do all the time by themselves?

One poster here wrote something like„5s aren’t necessarily all smart, we’re really just obsessive“, and I think they pretty much hit the nail on the head.

I mean, some were probably smart – Charles Darwin maybe? If there was only a single smart one it was probably Paul Dirac. But your friendly neighborhood specimen is probably not that, any more than every 9 is Einstein or that any 7 is Feynman....

You could get a pretty solid understanding of stuff too if you were reading about it or practicing it all the time, and probably thinking about it when you aren’t – instead of say, socializing or doing useful practical tasks.

And there’s absolutely no guarantee at all that you’ll get obsessed with something that makes money or that others think is impressive.

Though, if there’s one good trait or upside to all this mess it’s probably the way that you can just keep at it wether anyone cares or not, theres no getting discouraged from lack of praise or response, if anything one works best if nobody knows about it until the thing is nearing completion.

It is kind of an interesting paradoxon that you have this relentless focus on the one hand and this struggle or resistance to do what actually needs to be done on the other.

I can appreciate its interestingness, even if its the bane of my personal existence…

Layer 3: touchy bundle of nerves

Like most iterations of the ‚gooey center‘ trope this can get quite buried in some individuals especially if their parents messed up – You even do get some unpleasant individuals with poor self-awareness who then maintain that everyone else must be clingy, irrational and overdramatic because they don’t realize that they’re the sensitive ones. The Protagonist of the classical German novel ‚Homo Faber‘ is a prime example. A nasty stuckup sexist piece of work, but a strangely relatable one in some ways, to the point where I wonder about Max Frisch himself, though, cannot have shared his protagonists’ disdain for all things poetic seeing as he was a famous author & playwright.

Others may simply have misplaced the box with the feelings sometimes in the 70s and have no idea where they put it.

But lots of ppl are well aware of what’s going on inwardly, level of outward expressiveness onwithstanding, there’s a reason 4 is a common mistype. The anecdotal example people in the enneagram literature have to be commended for their „fun“ metaphors. I wonder sometimes whatever became of the „its like running through a field of cacti with no skin“ guy. That book was old, so he might no longer be with us.

In the end the behavior may not differ than much either way because, you know how some computer applications show you annoying alerts so often that eventually you just completely ignore them?

In a sense the defense mechanisms do serve you well, if you compare to some non-5 high sensitivity ppl. There are some shared qualities like being easily tired by drama situations, being easily startled, low pain tolerance etc. but generally „cant take violent movies“, „easily swept up in & affected by other’s feelings“ are not problems I have.

(though of course, more over/ less „buffered“ sensitive types have their own kinds of strenghts that we don’t, & being Like This also produces its own secondary problems)

Type 6

It’s been brought to my attention that take here skewed a bit toward 6w5; For 6w7, a bit more chill but a bit less self-reliance, something like a cross between this and the 7 onion. Still I’ll try to keep it generally applicable as much as it can be given the complexities of these guys.

Layer 1: commander contrarian

The range of presentations is great here, depending greatly on the environment and such values as the individual has considered to be worthwhile guideposts, yet if one were to to distill them all down to some commonality, it would be some degree of ‚hot mess‘ or ‚relatable everyman‘ flavor -

if not to connect with others or get their help, then at least to stay under the radar and avoid putting a target on your back.

There is also a tendency to be the one who considers how it might all blow up, whether it is expressed more as worry than as scepticism.

They might be complaining about you not following the rules, or complaining about the rules themselves, but they’re probably the ones doing the complaining or going against the grain of the prevailing opinion – sometimes, particularly for 6w7, it can even mean taking the positive side when the prevailing opinions are negative.

They’re doing us all a solid with this, as it has been shown that the presence of even one dissenting opinion greatly lowers the strenght of groupthink effects, like ppl agreeing with a crowd of actors that the longer of two lines is actually the shorter.

Layer 2: dutiful soldier

When you look closer, though, you see that though they might be complainers, they’re not quitters.

6s may often overreport the level of mess in their lives, have difficulty internalizing past sucesses (since, theoretically, it could still go wrong this time) and frequently exist in a state of ‚AAAAA‘, this is ultimately a type that has the potential to be quite perseverant, hardworking, resillient, dedicated and, at their best, even heroic.

And being all this while also having that ‚humble‘ presentation on top can also make you likeable & engaging.

This can be taken too war of course in sticking or being loyal to a cause that’s not worth it though it’s worth noting that they’ll be loyal to ppl that they agree with and that seem worth it, & once soundly dissapointed they might swiftly swing around to the opposite.

Layer 3: trusts no one including self

Zoom in further, though, and you’ll see that at the bottom is this mode of perception where everything can change as easily as thinking of a different possibility – the search for certainty, for something worth supporting or believing in, & to be prepared & steadfast oneself is precisely spurned on by one’s propensity to doubt and second-guessing one’s actions, whether one pursues those doubts, looks for something to allay them, or perhaps both at the same time (such as aligning with ppl but also testing them)

Something in there is always like „but how do you know? Can you really be sure?“ Wether or not the person’s conscious of it it’s consistently fueling their actions even if those consist of stronger clinging to a supposed solution or more fierce resisting against those who tell them they’re wrong.

The opposite response of always taking any doubt seriously isn’t per se better than denyoning it though if it leads to being overly suspicious.

Of course some individuals may respond in a different way depending on each particular thing they’re doubtful about few always have the same response all the time.

On some level it’s a search for a deeper truth that, when one is in alignment with it, gives a solid foundation to ones’ decisions (which can look very different depending on the individual, it could be a personal truth or a way of understanding the world. )

Type 7

Layer 1: happy happy joy joy

There is the assumption that one must have a pleasant, positive demeanor, so this is what such a individual might tend to be remembered for, though the quality of that rememberance can vary – maybe ppl liked the irreverent sense of humor, or how they brought some light and joy into other people’s lives, or that they were cool & fun to hang around with… or they might be thought of as sort of silly and irresponsible. Lots of variables regarding both the 7 themself as well as the eye of the beholder.

The rainbow candy-coating serves as variety or purposes. First the mention might want to keep things light for their own peace of mind, also humor erodes hierarchies and fun cool interesting lighthearted & stimulating atmosphere attracts people to you & also helps you charm them so they let you get away with whatever you please.

But there’s also a darker side to it like assumptions that they can’t depend on anyone to take care of them, and that they’ll be ditched if they become boring, a bother or a drag and that others won’t want the if they don’t bring the entertainment (& always bringing it can lead your friend group to self-select for ppl who are only in it for the entertainment value.) & that they can’t show their sadness to others which is like… not so fun.

It doesn’t help that their default fear response is to „look for a way out“ often by thinking up a solution or trying to reframe or explain away the problem so that what gets taken as not taking the problem seriously might actually be a direct sign of distress.

Layer 2: bucketloads of raw intelligence & creativity

However, despite the above phenomena, its important to stress that its not clowns all the way down.

Sometimes it’s like they kinda won the jackpot when ppl were handing out the talents:

- clever

- creative

- dynamic/ action oriented / energetic

- resourceful

- not too bogged down by inhibitions or ppl’s opinions

- confident

- eloquent

- charismatic

Most people can only pick like 2 of these at once.

Were it not for their twin weaknesses of Sadness and Shiny Objects, 7s would’ve taken over the world. Its like the universe had to nerf them.

See mother nature, this is how you properly engineer a mental dominant hexad type. You gotta add in some Extroversion as a required secondary power to make it actually sustainable to be running the most resource-intense types of thinking processes 24/7.

Of course not every individual reaches the fullness of that potential, some bail when it gets difficult or get overconfident & fancy themselves instant experts and then they can get kinda dilettantish, shallow & mostly hot air etc.

But imho 7s are underrated & one of those types that there’s hardly any content about, for everyone that’s like an irresponsible absentee parent or a vapid attention whore there’s like another who’s like really cool, badass & generous, and then there’s the ones that are just stone cold brilliant.

Layer 3: sad manchild

Where there is light, however, there is shadow.

First, there’s the infamous Inner Jail(TM) or like the tendency to avoid sadness & worry until it suddenly catches up with you all at once cause you stopped moving for 5 minutes.

There’s a reason 7 musicians are either like „Wild eclectic creativity explosion!!“ or Miserable Wail Of Sadness, sometimes going from one to the other depending on how the artists’s life is going or that they’re sometimes these ppl who kill themselves of all sudden though everything seemed fine & dandy even to their inner circle.

The other side of this, which is maybe more frustrating to others & often quite the contrast to the person’s apparent brilliance, is like, the petulance & childishness & refusal to take responsibility cause they have to get what they want and they must think of themselves in a good light.

A point to understand is that there can be a real frantic urgency to it, like, contemplating the opposite can seem next to unbearable. Unlike their direct neighbors 6 and 8, they’re not really that tought. They avoid the bad stuff cause they actually struggle to handle it, though they may also be overestimate how bad its gonna be. Hence also the tendency sometimes to wallpaper over untennable situations that they very much have the skills & resources to get out of – they don’t get over the hill cause they must be okay.

Though while I stressed the negative side of this quality for the purposes of having a punchline, is worth noting that there is also a positive pendant to this, like having a genuine childlike wonder, curiosity and enthusiasm about the world that is retained well into later stages of life & a far lower probability toward comformism or boringness. If you see like a middle aged person that’s still wearing colorful clothes, is somewhat up to speed with popculture or tech and talks to younger ppl without expecting deferrence, thats often a 7.

Type 8

Layer 1: strategic tactician

So, not everyone is actually going to have this layer since its presence implies the realization at some point that purposeful strategic action and wisdom are more useful than just yelling & banging on the table – You can get the very same thing that you want with a lot less collateral damage.

The thinking facilities need to be at least partially ‚online‘

The ‚thickness‘ also varies correspondingly to the extent that planning, understanding & foresight is valued as its own „input channel“ vs just a way to make X happen. (though „doing stuff“ is and always will be the main focus)

Its presence is indicated by realizations like „sometimes staying calm/acting unfazed actually gets you more influence“, or knowing the value of diplomacy at least on a purely pragmatic level.

Strategy is informed by sharp instincts and impulses given a broader repertoire of „how“ -

The result is often quite formidable & masterful.

So, am I saying the young & dumb are one layer short? Well the choice of 3 layers was always an abstraction for the sake of analogy…

8 has as much depht & interestingness & juicy inner mechanics as any other type but, there was this one book or website I read that had like couples advice & the section for 6s considering to date an 8 said something like „don’t overthink it, they probably mean exactly what they said, they’re straightforward ceatures“

Which needs to be said, as 6 pretty much exists as a towering edifice of precariously balanced forces – but like, not overcomplicating here is meant like in the strict sense of „not adding complications that aren’t necessary“

Layer 2: animal with clothes on

Even the actual 8s themselves report a certain affinity with wild animals, in all the good, bad and simply neutral ways.

Some report that they kind of felt ‚grown‘ already at an early age since they always could think of what to do – there was this excellent essay post a while back about how having less filtering/ being more focussed on the concrete means you feel everything that happens very fully & so you have strong immediate reactions in response, & this creates a feedback loop where eventually your quick judgements/ immediate impressions get strong, developed & sophisticated.*

For 8 in particular these quick judgements rely on paying attention to your basic instincts and also kinesthetic/sensorimotor learning.

I’ve read some individuals describe it as basically being connected to the millions of years’ worth of accumulated information that went into making our instincts & sort of sensorimotor processing the way it is -

If nothing else evolution’s had a long time to optimize that lizard brain so if you want to make quick and cheap split-second decisions.

So you get ppl that can react fast & efficient in a crisis, which probably contributes to the tendency towards cognitive (not necessarily social) extroversion & stimulation seeking (thats what being an extrovert basically is – your base activity level is fairly low so need more external stimulation to get to a comfortable point. )

Of course to onlookers this can simply read as uncontrolled, intimidating or fierce.

* It strikes me that a reverse corollary of this probably explains why 4s and 5s often report the experiece that they „didn’t get the manual“ or that „everyone else already seemed to know how everything works“. Having a strongly filtered/interpreted mode of perception & not using the impulse center much, you don’t build up these automatic responses/snap judgements, so it seems that everyone else ‚already knew what to do‘.

So it can feel like you still don’t know how anything on this weird planet works well into advanced adulthood, as reverse of the 8s and 1s quicker self-reliance.

So after a quarter century, the mystery has finally been solved: The other kids at the nursery didn’t actually know what they were doing any more than I did, of course not, how could they have? We were all babies. They didn’t need to know „how“ cause they were going on friggin autocomplete, which I simply had no talent at.

It’s really bittersweet to have a reason 25 years too late.

Would fit right in with the lyrics of „isnt it ironic“.

I kinda wish I could go back and tell 3 year old me, but she probably wouldn’t have understood.

Do you hear this, Inner Toddler? I did it. I got the answer….

I wonder if there’s some equivalent in this in 1s and 2s as well as 7s and 8s.

Layer 3: pre-civilized grade schooler

Sometimes you hear that whole Big Teddy Bear cliche & that’s like, half the story, missing some nuances. Sometimes it describes the situation well enough but other times its inadequate.

Cause our culture likes to use children as images of perfect idealized innocence & harmless but actual kids are rather more a primal undivided state before the introduction of mental labels, containing both the potential for extremely genuine, unaffected compassion and careless malice of ripping the wings off an insect in play without realizing the full impact of what one is doing.

I think playing children can also be thought of as a symbol of wilderness and chaos – when there are regarded as neutral things that simply are, in all their complicated interestingness.

The Inner Toddler is also where the feeling of being wronged & wanting to get your will comes from, a blunt, pure and basic thing, even if that input then gets filtered through razorsharp instincts and sophisticated thought. You got the heart there off in its own little compartment and held back by the „blockage“ represented by the line to 2, so that it is in a sense kept safe where the world can’t get at it. But our feelings are still often where our motivations come from, especially long-term motivations that go beyond the basic „grab sandwich“ or „assert dominance“ (which arguably doesnt require that much thinking or feeling.)

Type 9

Layer 1: generic niceness

That’s sort of a kinda mean way to put it for comedic effect, but what it refers to is how the first contact surface level presentation tends to skew vaguely friendly but inoffensive, with some reluctance to state opinions, show distinguishing traits, state wants etc. and a general tendency to be accomodating or just quiet, disinterested & not very attention grabbing etc.

Generally you need to establish some trust first before the edges and corners are allowed to come out, with the 9w8s having on average a lower threshold for this.

Though, generally speaking with an average person you will eventually let their interesting traits come out & get more animated once they get comfortable, at least if they like you (though they may still put off avoid particularly big & serious confrontations or revealing things they’re insecure about)

Sometimes you see the idea floating around that to be a 9 you must be a doormat all the time, that’s not really correct. If anything that would probably indicate low self esteem, bad parenting or a lack of good quality friends if someone doesn’t ever feel comfortable saying their opinions & stuff.

Layer 2: pent-up frustration

Ah, but even if you try to be nice & accomidating all the time, sometimes you’re gonna want to do stuff, and sometimes you are not going to like what happens – especially if you’re an impulse type.

It’s only natural that never getting you way, always holding it in for the sake of avoiding drama & always giving up on what you want is going to create some degree of frustration, resentment or even anger. Humans arent doormats, being pushed around naturally & correctly makes you angry.

Blowing your top, however, would create even more of that drama you wanted to avoid in the first place, so that’s not an option either…

So there can be a diffusing of impulse or a numbing out of what would constitutionally have been a fairly receptive configuration. Sometimes with the sideffect that you also knock out the like, useful impulses to do stuff that goes beyond ingrained habit.

Some 9s, especially 9w1s will tell you that they rarely ever get angry, but it typically still takes some effort to stay that way, eg one might get distracted absent minded or forgetful when there i a lot of stressful stuff going on cause a lot of energy is devoted to NotGettingMad.exe

These are the ppl who can be sometimes at risk of not standing up for themselves.

Others are quite aware of it & brimming with inward frustration that might come out as snark, stubbornness or passive-aggression

Though its not just frustration alone - giving up on stuff/ feeling that following your dreams is impossible or that you’re not worth it, can also create sadness & stressing about conflict sources or general unadressed life problems can also make you anxious.

Often leading to the frequently reported phenomenon that 9s are often not nearly as chill or happy as they might outwardly appear, especially if they’re more introspective mbtis.

But even the ones with less inner awareness of their feelings & stuff can still have all of this going under the surface.

Layer 3: dreamy philosopher (interesting!)

...and then, who would have thunk, you find out that your pleasant but unassuming new friend actually has some pretty deep thoughts & feelings in their head, a rich, vivid imagination, a variety of well-developed interesting hobbies (though often more of the chill, domestinc kind), & just all manner of hidden dephts. Incluing sometimes picking a whole lot of stuff about their surroundings or the dynamics between the people there that others would miss since they would be more focussed on the parts that are relevant to their own interests.

As 9 is the ‚pure‘ impulse type, there’s a fair degree of energy, groundedness, vitality & ‚natural wisdom‘ to be unlocked here (that comes out in a less ‚colored‘ way than for 1 or 8) – or rather, one 9 described it to me that they get more animated & on the more that the environment is one of comfortable ‚flow‘, which correlates with my observations – like a normally super shy, closed off individual could suddenly be very funny & even cheeky when their family members are just vibin’ on the sofa or playing random party games.

In any case, for a type that characteristically tends to worry about being boring ironically they probably lower than average chance of boringness.

Are there some genuinely boring 9s? Probably, there’s billions of em, some of those are probably boring, and some part of interestingness is in the eye of the beholder.

I’d say that boringness mostly happens when someone isn’t aware of their potential for depht & dismisses the interests or sometimes turmoil-filled thoughts that would cultivate it as not worth pursuing, so that this inner place of imagination & softness gets obscured or go undeveloped.

#enneagram #typology

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codgod-moved · 3 years ago

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Oh I actually remember this one! It was your (really cute) Zornoth art! I have horrible memory so I usually don't remember why I follow people, but I just remember your Zornoth design was really cute and then your lil teeny tiny Martyn was adorable

art so cute call me cutescreen

#.asks #ask game #i think i just followed u because i saw u in my notes a lot and on my dash sometimes #which is my thought process behind following most ppl i follow #it works out well ! most of the time

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mxdotpng · 4 years ago

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i think the timing of chapter 19 is what hurts me the most

#its set up with ranzal trying to decide if he should leave the party (specifically euden)#it moves forward to when they end up in the city with the temple knights attempting to arrest the party (once again specifically euden)#then in the faewood they have to deal with those nasty illusions. the few we see are all about the viewer being left behind #the most vivid one we see is eudens which is abt the ppl realizing euden isnt someone worth following. implied to relate to -#- when they had thought of him to be the other. the illusions end with his friends leaving him without a word. euden just accepts it #luca reassures euden that they stick w him bc they Want to as well as bc they are his friends and think hes worth it #the impact of that speech to euden is Way lessened bc of him Literally being a 'burden' and unable to fight or be of any use #then that happens once again when they try to find finlorda and the fiends are specifically trying to kill euden #he's being protected by his friends again i.e being a 'burden'#and any reassurance hes gotten that they want to stick w him because they want to and NOT bc they feel an obligation to is -#- essentially lost. this ESPECIALLY becomes true when they find out that notte's life was entirely planned out #(once again eudens fault)#and that he was created from the other #now. the Only person whos actually said they dont care who/what euden turns out to be was luca iirc and i think zena.#and while at this point that reassurance probably means absolutely nothing to him. its still important to hear #the TIMING of this all fucking HURTS #its literally. this is literally the process of my depressive episodes AKSBKDNDK thats not related but its fun to note #theyre really setting up for him to BREAK and im looking forward to it but also im not. im not prepared.#.text #dl

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baeshijima · 3 years ago

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𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫!𝐳𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐢 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫!𝐲/𝐧

A/N : HAPPY BDAY ZHONGLI AND HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE !!!! 2021 has been rough with getting back into normal life on top of covid spreading and with a new variant, but i hope this post will cheer u up and let’s hope 2022 is much kinder to us (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

masterlist

STREAMER ZHONGLI????

streamer zhongli o(*°▽°*)o

pogchamp—

definitely was first in the Just Chatting, Travel & Outdoors, and possibly Food & Drinks categories in twitch at the beginning, and gained a steady following from there on !!

he unknowingly lured them in with his asmr worthy voice ( '◡' )

also talks about the history of certain cultures when travelling, or the origins of foods and drinks when he’s partaking in that category

gets a lot of questions from his chat which ends up turning into everyday talks or him giving advice to ppl !!

so his primary category is Just Chatting HSDKJ

oh !! oh !!

and his twitch user is ZhongliTV :’))

usually has lofi music in the background of his streams !!

when he first started out as a streamer, he didn’t have his webcam on, so his viewers could only hear his voice !!

not that they were complaining bc, well, who can resist zhongli’s deep voice ? 👩‍🦯

but one day, one of his viewers asked why he doesn’t use a webcam

and this man just ,,,,

“i don’t know how to set one up.”

so obviously this causes his chat to instantly go into an uproar and help him !!

they talk him through the process of setting one up and give him recommendations on the best quality ones !!

he looks through the reviews with his chat and they all give their own two cents abt each one and he ultimately has his mods do a poll when he’s struggling to decide which one would be best to buy

the next day he streams, his chat thought they were in the wrong stream

why?

bc they saw their strimmer’s beautiful face for the first time

genuinely thought he converted into a vtuber for a moment due to his visuals :’))

zhongli took their doubts as a negative reaction :(

well, until they started reassuring him in caps :

“NO NO UR BEAUTIFUL MR STRIMMER”

“YOU’RE LITERALLY THE MOST HANDSOME PERSON I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE?????”

“WHO SAID OUR BELOVED STREAMER IS NOTHING SHORT OF BEAUTIFUL Madge”

“PRETTY”

he was surprised at the sudden reassurances, but eventually laughs and thanks the chat, saying that they’re very beautiful too

and hoOOOh boy did his gentle laugh sound like angels singing and—

oh would u look at that, his chat have fallen into cardiac arrest 💀

. . .

anywho

he eventually does divert into the world of online gaming and, with the growth of his community (who originally came for his otherworldly visuals, but stayed for his insightful thoughts and naturally calming presence), he gets many recommendations of different genres that may appeal to him

so he tries various things from long running games such as the pokémon series (his favourite series would probably be black&white or heartgold & soulsilver !!) to online multiplayer games like overwatch or minecraft (very much appreciates the bgm in minecraft as he cultivates his land or goes mining ^^) or even role playing games like elder scrolls, the legend of zelda, persona 5, and final fantasy

he’s enjoyed each of the games played, and all the experiences each one has given him !!

v v invested in the lore behind them and probably has quite a few lore videos/theories on his yt channel !!

when someone in chat typed “who asked” in response to him talking abt some lore in a game, they were immediately perma banned by his mods before he could see it KJKLDF

now

zhongli’s chat is definitely one of the most wholesome ones, with a bunch of discussions going on due to zhongli’s big brain and open mind

he easily engages in long debates and conversations with his community and it’s just ??? so ??? fun ???

he’s just super open with any and all ideas and seriously considers + explores them, which his community just appreciate so much :(

definitely has quite a lot of emotes too !!

one of his mods is an artist and they offered to draw emotes for him free of charge bc they just really appreciate him as a person :((

zhongli insisted on paying tho bc he wanted to show his gratitude by compensating it in what he believed it was worth

but yeah, now he has a whole array of emotes that he just openly appreciates on the daily when ppl use them and it makes the mod/artist just super happy that he enjoys their work sm

zhongli just is the type to appreciate everything he’s given, no matter how small the detail may be

he’s just super grateful that there are ppl willing to go to such lengths to support him okay 😭

nOW ONTO THIS MAN BEING WHIPPED FOR U AS A GENSHIN STREAMER !!!!

okay

i feel like he would also be an og player like albedo and childe in my other hcs !!

except it was recommended by ppl in his community in all his social medias KJHLDJF

so obv this was like,,, pre-release where u can still pre-register

so after looking into the website and what info was official, he pre-registered !!

now .

after pre-registering with his chat, they decided to watch the trailers and gOODNESS WERe they hooked

so eventually the day comes where genshin is released to the world

and zhongli?

already on the loading screen with a steaming pot of tea and snacks with his chat going bonkers as they load their game too

opening cutscene?

beautiful

graphics?

flawless

voicing?

stunning

genuinely has such an amazing time experiencing this game for the first time and seeing all these new characters that weren’t in the previews !!

finds venti to be suspicious tho

REALLY suspicious

he talked to a dragon

he dISAPPEARED when said dragon flew away

looks suspicious

probably thinks he’s a minor antagonist at first or smth

doesn’t even go to mond city straight away, just explores the area bc damn why are the graphics so beautiful ??

so yeah he has a fun time running around and finding chests and seeing different areas of the terrain !!

after like,,, an hour of pure exploration and chill chatting with his chat he finally proceeds with the story HKJHG

finds kaeya to be really suspicious too tho bc :

“why does he have one eye covered? surely that means he has something to hide from us.”

chat are split between agreeing and trying to defend kaeya bc they don’t want to admit he could be an antagonist <//3

fast forward some more and he’s in the last domain with kaeya

once again, kaeya suspicious when he stays behind

but then diluc enters and

what’s this?

some unspoken bad blood between the two?

zhongli the theorist sips his tea and calmly begins another hour long discussion about what their roles could be—

but soon enough he was out of the story bc he had to build up adventure ranks :’)

very chill stream where he just did exploration and had many discussions with each introduced character’s role

he did wish on beginner’s bc of the pre-registration rewards, so he had a lot of primos and acquaint fates !!

saw venti on the limited banner and stared at it for a solid five minutes, contemplating on whether or not he should role on suspicious character #1

he already got suspicious character #2 for free, so might as well get the original, right?

well, venti came home in literally the first 10 pull so he saved primos KJSL

so now he has suspicious character #1 and #2

thinks venti is useful tho so he doesn’t regret it that much <//3

takes it back when he has to steal a lyre from the cathedral

it took him five tries and he ended up sacrificing venti when fighting an axe mitachurl and abyss mage in the three camps to collect dvalin’s tears

thoroughly enjoyed the prologue chapter tho !! very interesting and different to what he has played previously, so it was a fresh take for him

zhongli.exe stopped working when he found out venti was the anemo archon tho

was not expecting that. . . Sadge

but now he’s in liyue and has to rank up again to do the next story quest :’))

did hear some things about the geo archon there from in-game venti, but found out that his character venti had a voice over that was only unlocked after he completes a certain quest

and apparently it’s the next archon quest in liyue

so naturally he unlocks all the waypoints first in liyue and does more exploration before delivering katherine’s letter in liyue harbor !!

this transitions into the next day bc zhongli preaches about healthy sleeping patterns and looking after yourself :’)

so the next day he starts the liyue quest !!

all is well until he witnesses the geo archon’s death

f in the chat for stunned zhongli

cue another hour long discussion about what could have been the cause KHLKJF

just used venti to fly over the milelith KEKW

he thought childe was pretty suspicious too, but was grateful for his help and found his attacks pretty fascinating too !!

also found the adepti and their different designs really interesting as well !!

skip to chapter 2 of the quest, and he was wondering who childe would take him to meet

also became even more curious due to his chat spamming and saying how the time has finally come

“GUYS THE TIME IS HERE”

“OUR STRIMMER FINALLY MEETS THEM OMG”

“(Y/N) NATION RISE”

and there u were

in all ur glory

sipping some tea

holy shit were u stunning

haha (y/n) nation rise ╰（‵□′）╯

HE !!! APPRECIATES !!! UR DESIGN !!! SO FREAKING MUCH ?!!£”!

HJSDFJKSHDL HOLY SHIZZLE STICKS ALL THE DETAILS AND FINE LINES AND UR V O I C E ?!

JUST

MWAH

CHEF’S KISS

definitely starts talking about u and what ur possible role could be

man did u look so flawless and amazing and graceful and

fuck

and obv he knows this is a gacha game, so he’s aware that money is to be spent at times to obtain characters and progress at a much quicker rate

so guys

i just wanna put it out there

zhongli is rich.

he just doesn’t like to flaunt his riches because he doesn’t believe that it defines a person and, in turn, doesn’t want it to define him in the eyes of his viewers

but when he saw u, he was willing to spend as much money as he needed to get u 🤧

naur but this man !!

this !!

mAN !!!

immediately searches through mhy’s social medias to find official art for u

didn’t find any but found lots of fanarts, to which he very much appreciated

remember that mod who’s an artist that created all of his emotes? yeah, they make various ones surrounding u after zhongli asks for it ;-;

fully does not want to move on bc otherwise he may not see u again, but chat and his community reassure him that he will be seeing a lot of u from here on out

and oh how true that statement was

zhongli has never been more glad to have started this game than now KJHDF

but bc of ur addition, he treasures liyue even more and it very quickly becomes his favourite nation, purely bc ur from there (ಥ _ ಥ)

he’s very certain the future five nations won’t be able to top it (later on, inazuma does become close due to all the lore tho !!)

and when he finds out ur the geo archon ?????

holy shit

he had his speculations after venti was revealed, but it still surprised him immensely

also the type to read all the descriptions and lore of the in-game items and books, so he would definitely feel sympathetic knowing ur the archon who’s lived the longest, to the point of immortality, and has had to endure the most pain, loss and betrayal !!

has definitely asked mhy in their surveys to make u happier in future events and quests to make up for all the pain behind the scenes (as well as a hangout quest when they were introduced)

and when mhy announced that u were to be playable in the next patch update?

bonkers

the world went absolutely bonkers

childe? tartaglia? who’s that?

(y/n) nation only knows u and u only 😩🖐

this boomer hands man,,,

he whaled for u

and rightfully so

got u to c6 within the first day and r5’d ur weapon straight after ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪

chat spammed his (Y/N)Nation emote the whole time

literally got u maxed out at lvl 90, weapon at lvl 90, and swore that u would be his first triple crowned character

plays u as main dps even there was this whole heated debate abt u being a dps, sub dps, support, and utility

in other words

ur very versatile :)

wanted u to be his first maxed friendship character and is still petty abt venti being his first one to lvl 10 somehow

but ur story quest ?

holy fuck did that get him emotional

especially the end cutscene and the last dialogue u say when the quest is over abt wanting to be alone rn ;-;

pls he just wants to comfort u but mhy won’t let him ;-;;;;

just !! appreciates u as a character sm ???

he doesn’t think a character has ever resonated with him as much as u have and his community thinks it’s actually the most adorable and wholesome thing when he gets happy discussing things and theories abt ur past :((

has many, many screenshots as well !!

there’s one he has of u smiling from ur story quest as his twt pfp, and his discord one is from an incredibly beautiful scene from ur trailer <33

his favourite voice overs from u are chat: reminiscing + about venti (bc u basically roast him and he’s never been prouder <//3) + more about (y/n): v

ur character song is pretty much always in his stream and daily playlist bc it’s just so calming to him

he could literally fall asleep to it (and has. on several occasions—)

just a very loving man who can and will support his favourite character against all the haters at all costs !!

even has u as his avatar + ur namecard when he unlocks it

his bio is even :

“(Y/n)’s protector.”

his community finds it adorable, even more so bc he maintains his punctuation 😭

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact fluff #genshin #genshin x reader #genshin impact zhongli #genshin zhongli #zhongli #zhongli x reader #streaming dreams #we also ignore the zhongli angst thats been sitting in my drafts for a year

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papers4me · 3 years ago

Text

Fruits Basket Manga Review , ch 112 & 113 (part 2)

I hate that this chapter is cut... mainly cuz it deals with the most “ horribly presented” theme in furuba anime.... grief.

-The shame of grieving: “ Rarely discussed theme in Literature”:

When a love one dies... ppl differ in how they deal with it. Some cry their hearts out, some become depressed & painfully lonely, others get angry or cynical, some might deny it, some move on quickly, others move on but years after the realization crushes them, others stay still... Above all, you feel ashamed of yourself if you didn’t move on or if you DID move on.. “ Sometimes ppl around you judge you for it... for your grief”

The later is the theme of these two chapters. Rarely discussed themes & it saddens me that it is cut. You see, Furuba anime doesn’t get grief at all. To them, it’s a small part of the generic protagonist after she finishes her job of nurturing the real main protagonist. Mothers are strong, they help us cross the bridge between childhood & adulthood. Tohru, the show’s mom, did it so thoroughly & in slow visual & narrative details for yuki. Afterwards, the anime brushed whatever is left of her character, which the anime viewed as sheer suspenseful drama, & collected it thro 3rd person story-telling techniques in one ep “ se3, ep6″ & excessive monologue for 10 minutes in se3, ep9.

In this chapter, Kakeru, a side character, sheds light into this theme. Kakeru didn’t lose a parent by death, didn’t grieve, has no dependent familial bonds with either dead parents “ kyoko & komaki’s dad”. Yet, kakeru stood & judged tohru on how she “ should” grieve. Harshly tearing her down while she’s standing there lonely, trying to hide her shock at the loss of her only pillar in life, broken & traumatized, dealing with the pushed down traumatic feelings from her past where her mom abandoned her as a child..now her mom did it again, this time thro death.. & kakeru, rightfully not knowing all that, but wrongfully lecturing her on how to behave... kakeru isn’t a monster, but he only saw what he wanted: komaki & how the world should grieve with his lover, how he should be the hero protecting her. So self-centered, insensitive, horribly cruel & unbelievably conceited, but above all... what he did is so sadly common... it hurts.

-Judging Grieving People:

As I said many times.. grief is so personal, so unique to the person & as common as it is, so misunderstood. According to kakeru & many ppl I’ve sopken to lately, tohru should have acknowledged komaki. Komaki, the not-traumatized version of tohru, did the right “ tohru-like” thing. Not only felt sadness at the loss of her own dad, but found it in her heart to visit the other orphan, tohru, & give condolences & respect to the dead mother. Such kindness & purity. Very deserving of applaud: To not only see your pain but others’ as well. Tohru has always done the “ right, kind” thing to other ppl. When she can’t now, the author brought another “ tohru” to do the “ right, kind” thing.

Kakeru is so many ppl. During my brother’s funeral. I’ve heard so many gossip on how my mom should’ve stood tall & greeted the visitors.” Being silent , emotionless & non-responsive is not how you show visitors you value their kind words”, they said. How his widow should’ve collected herself & acted properly, respected his memory by taking proper care of herself & her kids. “Being a broken mess is not how you “ honor” loved one”, they said. Kakeru is indeed many ppl & that’s how you discuss a theme by creating characters who sin, screw up & be cruel, even if momentarily.

Kakeru is wrong. There is no “ you should have” in grief. There is no ounce of truth in his demeaning lecture to tohru & I respect komaki for her reaction to him so much. Kakeru did learn & grew from it, apologized to tohru even if he didn’t actually sought her to do so & even if she herself started the apology. But you see, these two chapters are 90% focused on kakeru as a character, his growth, thoughts, the mini focus on his relationship with komaki as an example of healthy relationship & all that is another lesson for yuki to observe & learn. He learned abt tohru’s past, kakeru’s personality & growth & got to observe another example of romantic relationship so yuki can grow as a man & approach machi healthily. But then again... nothing at all stops yuki/machi from being healthy, no past issues, no contradicting personalities “ they’re quite similar” & yuki is the only furuba character that doesn’t screw up big. He learns & teaches. He’s the personification of the author.

-Tohru.. stays a “ tohru”:

Tohru’s part is 10% of the this chapter which is fine as I think/hope it will lead into more tohru depth in the following chapters. But It is for this reason I’m glad this chapter was cut in the 13 eps season of furuba anime, cuz tohru doesnt have much depth in the anime due to the quick wrap up & the la~~~~st thing I want is another 3rd person story-telling flashback abt tohru in the anime. Honestly, one of the most frustrating aspect to me of the anime & I’ll hold judgement abt manga- tohru till I reach its end. So far~~~ Tohru’s depth & character exploration gets better one chapter, then regress the next one, then moves on, the... it’s a fluctuating process. It has nothing to do with tohtu’s feelings.

you’ see ... kyo himself as a character with issues fluctuates a lot, he does sth good, then does sth bad, chooses right words, then makes a horrible mistake & chooses wrong! which is one of the most well-done aspects of character exploration that is rarely attempted by authors! I highly respect Takaya-san for what she’s doing with kyo in the manga so far. Other authors show us a character doing one big mistake & then he/she learns from it in a dramatic way. But Takaya-san, nope! she decided to approach it in a very human way, making us be frustrated with kyo’s repeated mistakes yet understands where he’s coming from! kudos to her!!

But I’m not yet satisfied with how tohru is portrayed in the manga & this has nothing to do with tohru’s character. Takaya-san is discussing rare themes thro tohru’s character. But what I mean is how tohru is approached thro the viewers/readers eyes. I wont judge until the last chapter. but this is the part that is frustrating to me.

Side Notes:

The flow of the 2 chapters is little off. We go back & forth between the past & the present, between yuki-machi & komaki-kakeru. Again, I’m so glad the anime cut it cuz, nope! they can’t handle such narrative. they’ll reorder it in a such heavily monologing way & insert the comedy abruptly to lighten the mood. Just look at how the comedy is inserted in momiji’s se03 ep!

Komaki is such a tohru with a sprinkle of kagura’s very softened outbursts. lol. she’s fun!

I’m liking yuki-machi interactions a lot. no drama, which is why the anime cut it -_-’, but it progresses healthily. Machi is yuki’s third-stage growth after (1) leaving tohru’s nest (baby yuki), (b) making friends with kakeru/someone who gets him (young boy yuki), (3) finding romantic love (being a man). The anime was so interested in the 2 stages above cuz that’s where the drama is & cut the third. Honestly, the anime didn’t have to include everything as there is never a space in 13 eps, but they certainly could’ve squeezed few panels or even made brand new very short yuki-machi scenes. but the anime weirdly decided after yuki “ saved” machi from her trauma by talking with her in her apartment, he should just marry her.... lol.. that’s why next scene is ep 5 momiji’s ep intro montage where yuki was abt to confess!!! making yuki-machi the least developed couple in the anime!

I love all furuba’s characters, but yuki, tohru, kyo & akito carry the big themes, therefore, I not only analyze their characters, but how the themes are presented thro them & how their presentation affects such themes. This might make it sound as I hate them or am harsh on them. not at all. It is the anime director/ manga author that I’m positively or negatively criticizing most times. Most importantly, my criticism is not the law. It’s just my perspective & my consumption of the material. Feel free to differ with me. I dont mind it. It brings interesting discussions!

When it comes to tohru’s issues... his chapter introduced nothing new. We have seen/read in canon repeatedly that tohru hides her pain behind a smile (heck! even kisa knows that & told us), that she cant stand up for herself much, that she smiles for other ppl not for herself. All this was presented thro so many characters already, which is why I understand the anime’s decision to cut it. What’s new? that yuki didn know tohru’s smile is mostly a mask & that kakleru has depth.

I love this chapter for the grieving themes it discussed that are rarely touched upon in literature, but since such themes are rarely presented, the anime’s decision to cut it, ironically proves my point! lol . They don’t get grief & so, they reduced it to se03 content & two eps worth. sad.. but expected. The anime is indeed another form of “past” kakeru: seeing one side of grieving person. The happy side.

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #manga review #fruits basket manga #manga spoilers #sad paper #I love you little bro #I miss u

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janiedean · 3 years ago

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@seethemflying I think Sansa is in the next bracket down of important characters (with Jaime). In the outline, they weren't named as one of the big five, but in the process of writing have grown more important. No way is Sansa's ending going to be anything like Show Sansa's, though (and same with Jaime tbh).

agreed but lemme take a second from cramming to rant about this because I honestly have An Issue

in the sense: I 100% agree that both jaime and sansa are next bracket/secondary main (speaking as someone whose top five is made by ppl who are either secondary main or tertiary main if they have a pov like.... I'm not gonna argue that theon is a main fiver bc he's in my top three) but like what I can't deal with is the following as in that the main five are the main five bc they have in between them all the main themes george wants to tackle + the main plot stuff except for the 'romance is my #1 sense of existing in the plot', as in:

jon is azor ahai + has the chosen one deconstruction trope going on + most likely has the 'I never wanted to be Important™/have a throne but I'll have to for duty' ending + identity arc ie if he's not jon snow first of his name i'm eating my hat

dany has the dragons + the targ ancestry deal + 'I thought I wanted to rule but actually I don't I just want to help ppl' storyline (which is the hill i'm dying on)

bran has the oH WAIT fisher king deconstruction going on + the magic™ storyline + he's most likely kitn + he's tied to uh the literal rebirth of the continent so + how to deal with disability storyline

arya has the I NEED TO REALIZE WHO I AM storyline + the learning to be yourself as a gnc woman storyline + revenge is shit storyline + I'll become a skilled assassin and choose not to act on it unless absolutely necessary storyline + trauma/ptsd storyline tied to losing your own identity

tyrion has the shakesperean hero thing going on as in I have to make peace with the fact that I killed my father/did mistakes + overcoming the societal issues/problems/the prejudice most ppl have for him that’s caused by his disability storyline + he's the only one of these five who doesn't have any magical stuff in his background/only has his brain to rely on + overcoming his family's legacy and making it better storyline

now: a bunch of other minor/secondary characters have all of this (I mean idk theon and jaime have identity + learning to deal with/overcoming societal scorn given by them being disabled/having become disabled in various ways + ptsd, brienne has the gnc woman thing etc) but like each single one of these characters only lacks the OH I HAVE A BIGASS GREAT ROMANCE WITH MY BACKGROUND (I mean gendry exists to be arya's LI but idt it's gonna be important in her future storyline the way it'll be in brienne's to say one).. which oh wait SANSA JAIME AND BRIENNE HAVE, because guess what that's the next secondary bracket where those three characters have it as a main part of the story which is exempt from the politics angle (bc none of them is tied to the iron trap by the plot no none of them jaime doesn't want it, brienne isn't a contender and sansa was supposed to be queen in the beginning so she's obviously not going to be that later no not even qitn that's gonna be bran) and here falls the entire shebang because what half of this fandom doesn't seem to get is that *drumroll* george's favorite angle to tackle when it comes to romance is... THAT EXTERNAL BEAUTY IS NOT WHAT YOU SHOULD BE LOOKING AT IN PEOPLE AT THE END OF IT AND GUESS WHAT THAT'S THE MAIN POINT OF ALL OF THEM PLUS THE KNIGHTHOOD DECONSTRUCTION THING and with that I mean:

not counting that sansa's reaction to trauma is written to be specular and opposite to arya's as in arya tends to lose sight of herself/becomes someone else/resorts to violence to survive sansa never loses track of herself/her innate kindness which... is smth I wish dnd remembered, the thing is: sansa is presented in the beginning as 'i'm a twelve year old with all the issues with shallowness a 12yo brought up like me can have and everything I want from life is a good love story', which... guess what she's 100% going to get except

characters need to have an evolution, if sansa wants a handsome pretty guy who'll make her queen in the beginning and she has to realize joffrey was The Worst, do we really think her endgame is being queen of a handsome nice king when her entire schtick is liking songs about knights and wanting true love and someone gentle and brave blah blah? no, and that's exceedingly obvious when the text throws at you in the face that her only two actually viable choices for LI - sandor and tyrion - are.. guys who are either disfigured or disabled or traumatized or all three of them but are actually good people and she has to learn to see beyond looks, and no one else fits that bill period - sansa isn't getting with a pretty guy who'll make her queen, sansa will find love with a guy who's nowhere near pretty or handsome but will love her for who she is and that she will see the good behind the not-handsomeness dot and she'll prob go back north with him and be happy advising bran bc she learned stuff in court at most and I'm dying on that hill, bc again the entire point of her sl is having the nice good love story where she sees beyond external beauty which has been clear from page five of her first pov imvho

never mind that again she wants to be a queen in the beginning and then she realizes it's shit so why would she be one in the end? like not to be that asshole but george isn't exactly pro monarchy and it's obvious he's not going to paint it as an inherently positive thing

this attaches back to the fact that there's a whole knighthood deconstruction happening for which sansa has to realize that the gallant/true knights are not the ones who seem that/look like it/flaunt it around

which brings us to the fact that oh wait sandor and jaime in themselves are true knights in spite of the fact that sandor refuses to even consider himself one and jaime thinks he fucked it up and no one sees them as such

and that the truest knight in westeros who will get recognized as such is brienne

who doesn't look standard hot either

and has the love story with jaime right on page

and jaime also has the love story right on page where he has to realize he's into people that aren't c. especially brienne and so on which is what's happening right now like jb recognizing themselves as true knights™ is part of their whole thing like... it's... important

(this counting that san/san is beauty and the beast played straight with sansa as the beauty while jb is the same trope except reversed on itself five times because both j and b are both of them)

and this would also like make utter sense if oh, wait, jb weren't in the riverlands where sandor also is and if oh wait who has sworn a vow to find sansa like again I'm dying on the hill that brienne kills stoneheart, they go on the quiet isle to recover, sandor is like AH YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SANSA and sansa gets rescued in the vale by the only three true knights in these series including the one that's her actual love interest at least the way I see it and where do you think that's going to end yeah exactly

as in: she'll have the umpteenth proof that all the true knights in these books don't look like the songs and she'll get the one she wanted

(also brienne is way more like sansa than arya in personality so like... parallelism of two girls into romantic stuff getting with the guys they like? except that for b. it's relevant bc she's ugly and she gets with hot guy who's into her and for s. it's relevant bc she's hot and she goes with guy-everyone-considers-a-lost-cause showing that they're not exactly a lost cause)

like sansa is there to a) have half of the main love story plot b) as the resident song expert witness what knighthood actually means, jaime is the resident person doing things for love and finding ways to do it that aren't toxic/finds someone who'll actually love him and not what he represents, brienne is the resident 'I never thought anyone would be into me and I'm pursuing my dreams without a shred of hope they'll go well' and she gets all of that and sandor is there to be sansa's LI and to tell ppl that you can go to rehab and have a decent life even if you were used and abused to hell and back (jaime too tbh) and like none of that has to do with the iron trap, the magic, the zombies and whatnot but it's okay because it's their point in the plot and is2g I just wish people would take characters for what they represent instead of shoehorning them into others's themes/stories just because it's what they want for them, the end

(I could rant about the third bracket of characters ie theon & co & getting over trauma/ptsd without the Love Story™ but I have to get back to study if I wanna fill some prompts later so it's not gonna happen for now but... sorry for the rant I'm just really tired of the whole sansastark will get the iron trap and the north and be the ymbq and get with a guy that looks good for her depending on what we ship not considering the overall reaching plot or her book plot and everyone else will have zero relevance in the story because we said so especially when it means giving all of that to a character who is uh not belonging to any of the categories represented by the main five which are actually kiiindaaaa relevant rep but I'mma just gonna shut up here)

#janie rants #janie writes meta #i guess #anti show sansa #seethemflying #janie replies #jaime x brienne for ts #sansan for ts #long post for ts #janie speculates #right i'm back on studying penal law rip #my stuff

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logically-asexual · 4 years ago

Text

hi this is important to me please read

(if it’s too long read only the bolded sentences)

hey as many of you know i run the blog @tstwitterupdates. it’s a good blog and i like it a lot most of the time, and i’m very proud of it.

i started it because thomas used to post dates for when videos would be posted, hints about what they would be about, behind the scenes stuff, etc. and i felt like ppl without twitter were really being left out.

they still are, but the updates thomas posts are different now. they don’t help to have an idea if there will be a video this year, they don’t help to know what stage in production a video is in, they don’t help know what the next video will be about. they’re only

a) thomas saying he’s working so hard and he’s very grateful for our patience,

b) thomas mentioning some vague teasing thing about how Special or Ambitious or Fun a video will be, or

c) thomas just saying they’re in the writing/filming/editing phase. which nowadays says nothing about how much time is left.

and honestly all these just make me more angry than excited. every time i read a tweet and realize it’s one of these types mentioned above, and realize i have to post it on tumblr under the #video update tag i feel upset and frustrated.

another thing that makes me mad is seeing all those other tweets by thomas that aren’t updates about how happy he is that we’re sooo patient, about the new expensive thing he bought gavin that probably costs more than what was payed to the animators, about how his (big) team is struggling because the project is more than what they can handle but he thanks the supportive fandom...

it’s just a reminder after the next about how they’re not getting anything published and think they can get away with it because everyone in the comments keeps repeating that our time is worth nothing as long as thomas is happy (in nice words, of course).

so basically, reading every tweet thomas posts and judging whether it’s worth it to post in the twitter updates blog isn’t doing me any good right now. it’s making me frustrated and annoyed.

i know that blog helps people, because without knowing what thomas says on twitter we’re (even more) lost as to what the hell the team is currently doing. that’s why i’m thinking of looking for someone else to run it.

i want to know that this person won’t use the blog to take advantage of the big follower count and use it for self promo or to make too many unrelated posts, because that would make me very sad, but i also don’t want to go through a big complicated selection process. so uh i guess i’ll have to trust whoever comes.

so yeah. this is not an official call to people to come ask me to be the next admin of the blog, and i don’t plan on saying anything on that blog soon, either. it’s just me letting my feelings and thoughts out. also i wanted to see what kind of response i got here, first, where there are less interactive followers and i know some of you guys a little better (because of this i’m asking you to not reblog this post, just comment or send me a dm or an ask about what you think).

if you’ve read this far thank you for your attention. pls say something, i’m a little lost and would like to hear your opinion.

#don’t reblog #long post #if you don’t want to read the whole thing just read the bolded sentences

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bleachbleachbleach · 3 years ago

Note

HELLO.

I just wanted to say that I love, love, love your tags on that character/tool post a lot! Some of my favorite shows/books involve characters that can't keep it together and just barely make it to the end of the story or make it there in an "inconvenient way" and tbh I find that usually the narratives that follow these characters don't really work away from them either--the narrative is just usually more questioning instead of fully formed.

Like, 'what if/how would', y'know? There's less of a clear meaning and more just 'what if they hadn't done that. what if they had done that. what if all that meant nothing. what if that struggle was all there was'.

But oh boy, when they DO work away from the narrative. *chefs kiss*

I mean, most of my favorite Bleach characters are narrative nightmares who either hinder or cut off lines of theme in the story entirely. And, in general, I think there are A LOT of characters in shonen--a genre known for very long narratives that can't possibly complete every thought but also can't just abandon all those characters introduced ESPECIALLY the fan favorites or personal favorites--work in the way you described.

Tbh i think your tags really highlight why so many ppl get drawn to these characters/why they're so fun to play with in fanfiction.

If you have more to add or more thoughts about this you want to lay down I am here, eagerly awaiting and ready to pick them up.

Also, who do you think in Bleach is the most fun characters who sort of drop kicked the story, in your opinion? Who's the one you like the most? And who's the one you dislike the most?

[For posterity the referenced post is this one.]

Aww, thank you! That’s really lovely to hear. I was anxious about even putting it in tags because I don’t think I presently have the capacity to explain it well—and even if I did might still sound bananas to many. Or at least the bit about negotiating with characters and how *they* feel about being subjects in stories. Because as much as that really is my practice saying it out loud takes me back to like… FFN in 2003 where every store was prefaced by extensive chat-form back-and-forths between the fic author and their character "musies" and that is not something I think fandom would benefit from bringing back in force, hahaha. But anyway.

Here’s the part where I disappoint because I don’t think I actually know Bleach well enough to speak to it in this context. WHICH SOUNDS DUMB EVEN AS I TYPE IT BECAUSE LOL WTF IS THE NAME OF THIS BLOG WE ARE CHARLATANS AND POSERS FOR CLAIMING AS OUR NAMESAKE NOT ONE BLEACH BUT THREE BLEACHES but truly, my experience of Bleach has a shallow depth of field. I feel like I have weirdly intimate knowledge of some severe rabbit holes but a non-existent to uneasy sense of the gestalt.

Like idek man, in my "slow re-read where I am actually paying attention" Ichigo hasn’t even met Byakuya and Renji yet. ToT

I'm gonna put this behind a cut because it spidered all over the place, but in summary:

characters and their capacity to produce narrative failure

the charm of longform serialized series and their invitations to imagine stuff

me attempting to talk about Hitsugaya and feeling a fool, as usual

I guess in general terms, I’m really interested in characters and their capacity to produce narrative failure. Not failure as in 'bad' but failure as in things that break form or are circuitous or are actively detrimental to a narrative arc. All my strongest examples of what I’m thinking of are from a different fandom and therefore not relevant to this blog, alas. By comparison I think anyone in Bleach can keep it together better than the characters that are immediately coming to mind, lol. But I think this idea dovetails often with trauma narratives, or depression narratives, because these things are often… non-narrative? Like, there’s no fourth or fifth for minor fall or major lift. Sometimes it’s the same thing over and over again, or maybe nothing. Maybe it’s the exact same self-sabotage narrative dictates could have been avoided. Maybe it’s some act that emanates forth but cannot be explained because it cannot be explained and will never be explained. That’s a version of what I’m talking about, in any case, though not the only version.

Your note about longform shounen definitely resonates with me, too. In my mind I don’t like long things and I prefer series that are more self-contained but whenever I have ever landed in a long-term fandom, with a piece of media I felt obliged to carve out chunks of my life for, and to interact with at that level of creative fannishness, it’s always been something stupid long and serialized by the seat of its pants. I know plot holes or dropped threads bother a lot of people (makes total sense, don’t get me wrong) but I find these things incredibly attractive. I see them as invitations to join in the fun. Especially when it’s so much a part of the form and genre to have this, as you said, lack of real expectation that every thread will be followed to its conclusion (or that it would be worthwhile to do so) and every thought completed.

There’s this piece by David Grann that was published in The New Yorker in 2004 that I really love that speaks to part of this idea, albeit in terms of fictional universes versus fictional characters. But Grann is talking about Sherlock Holmes (Doyle original) and the ways that Sherlockians would like, approach apparent lapses in narrative and then solve them according to the established rules of the universe. I just love that. There’s also the line, "Never had so much been written by so many for so few," which LOL if that ain’t fandom I don’t know what is!!

I feel like I’m actually talking about three distinct but related facets of these thoughts in this post, except all at once and without clear transition, uhhhhh.

Gah, I am broken and now can ONLY think of examples from my not-Bleach fandom, but to try a different tack and add yet another facet to this already funhouse-mirror post, my various attempts to write Hitsugaya often feel like they come up against a version of this. I think Hitsugaya has aggressive side character energy, and I find it difficult to make him the center of a story and have it feel right to me. He feels different to me than writing other minor characters, where they can be the center of their own stories even if their story is not the main story. Like, two of my fave characters in my other fandom have literally like… three lines in 350+ episodes and it feels easier to imagine THEM at the center of their story and I think what it comes down to is that Hitsugaya probably prefers what he not be written. And when he does become more narrative I think he’d prefer that none of it was happening in the fist place. But at the same time he always seems to be…around??? whether there is really a good reason for him to be present or not. XD So while, say, he and Bartleby "would prefer not to" (because THAT'S what this post needs, a Melville reference), Bartleby actually opts out and Hitsugaya out here volunteering.

He also often feels non-narrative to me because he feels very declarative, if that makes sense? Like, the coming-to-decisions or coming-to-realizations parts of existence happen pretty quick, or are approached perfunctorily. I feel like I find narrative in the "coming" part of that equation and instead Hitsugaya will be like, well, I’ve already done that part without you, and/or plan to do that part in the future and it will still be without you, the audience. Anyway, here’s the determination I’ve made, here’s what I’m going to do, and here begins the long and probably tedious process of my doing that thing (off 2 go train in a cave for a bit). I don’t think he actually believes the world is that simple, Tab A into Slot B, but I do think he’s already made that assessment and can see coming to terms with that as a horizon, if that makes sense. So even if he doesn’t know the answer to something, or is completely at a loss of what to do (what to say to Hinamori? how to productively address the number Aizen’s done on him) there’s still not necessarily a story there. Maybe the answer is you grind, and it is repetitive and boring. Maybe you just hold things. There’s not even the act of learning how to hold things, necessarily, just the practice of doing so.

Wow, that probably doesn’t sound good! I feel like I need to suffix this with the assurance that Hitsugaya is my absolute runaway character in the whole series and this was true 15 years ago and it is still true now (truer, even) and everything I just said are reasons why I love him.

#i feel like this is one of those 'well.... that sure was a Post' situations #and i will have to try to articulate this better in the future #probably multiple times #ideally with concrete explicated examples for the sake of clarity lol #but please take this as an invitation to talk about YOUR read of Bleach/Bleach characters and/or elaborate on your also excellent tags

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brvdleymilligan · 4 years ago

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HLO slinks in thru a bead curtain.......... truly sry this took me so long to concoct bt i’m here now, hand on hip, smiling coyly at u all...... i’m nai n i’m rly excited to b here so i’ll just dive right in!! u can find bradley’s pinterest board here n her muse tag here. like this or hmu for plots!

[ cis female, she/her, margaret qualley , twenty-four ] i can’t be sure, but i think i just saw BRADLEY MILLIGAN drive onto the parkway. don’t they know we’re not supposed to be driving on that haunted road right now? maybe it has to do with the fact that they’re so +RESILIENT and -VOLATILE that makes them feel UNPHASED about everything going on. i guess we could also chalk it up to the fact that they’re always reminding me of LEMON IN A FRESH CUT, THE AMBER BLINK OF AN ANGRY ALLEY CAT, GRINNING WITH BLOOD ON YOUR TEETH. either way, i hope they get back safely. [ nai, she/her, 24, gmt ]

aesthetics: singeing a hole in your fishnets with the cherry of a menthol, spitting a pistachio behind the bar just to hear it ping off the nozzle top bottles, lemon in a fresh cut, a war torn poppy standing alone in an empty field, pressing thumbs to yellow bruises, stomping over flowerbeds when there’s a path right besides it, dangling over ledges just to feel your chest jolt, a snarling rottweiler that needs muzzling, limp feet poking out behind a door, ‘I PROMISE I DON’T BITE’ scrawled on a name tag, slapping a bald head in front of you at the cinema like it’s a bongo, not owning a single jacket that isn’t stolen, driving a stranger’s car down the wrong lane against the screaming traffic, hair more feral than a wolf cub and eyes smudgier than a coal mine.

BACKGROUND:

ok SO. her father owns a strip club in crescent hill named no angels. it’s kind of.... a seedy establishment i won’t lie. hs a red glowing sign like it’s lighting up a window in amsterdam. cigarette butts floating in oil slick puddles outside. unsavoury characters crawling all over like rats in a sewer. despite this it’s a legitimate business on the surface of things n it does pretty well in trade. it’s like.... that place people warn u NOT to have ur bachelor party at unless u fancy urself the type tht willingly enters a lion’s den bt tht almost??? adds to the allure in a way??? ppl r like wow so sketchy it’s the thrill of a lifetime........ i mean run while u still can bt go off i guess

it isn’t Confirmed Public Knowledge bt it’s pretty heavily implied thru the rumour mill that bradley’s father is the head of a gang of rly............ Not Nice people. all the ppl that work for him u would hands down NOT want to run into in a dark alley. while things seem legitimate on the suface it’s pretty clear they’re into shady dealings n the townsfolk that suspect that would indeed b correct! the club’s a front for a drug business n they’re also washing n running counterfeit cash thru it. they probably also have their hands dipped into a few other local businesses to run their cash thru these too n keep it all seemingly by the books so nobody comes sniffing around. they even r friends with a member of local law enforcement that’s working w them for a cut so they honestly have all bases covered to keep things airtight n foolproof. perhaps a business in reed too which bradley oversees bt i haven’t given this Too Much thought as of yet??

so ya she’s grown up fairly local most of her life n would maybe be known around town as such.................. the milligans r certainly Interesting as far as families go so like. it honestly wldn’t surprise me if ppl nudge elbows when they see one of them coming n immediately walk in the opposite direction. just quite an intimidating presence...... they’re like caged animals where ur specifically instructed NOT to stick ur fingers between the bars bc they WILL bite

on a more personal note her dad is pretty much the worst human being alive n bradley hs like….. a lot of issues with herself as a result of years of toxicity n abuse

in terms of more family bkground info her mum’s name was alyssa n she vanished when bradley was 12. jst like…. into thin air. nothing. no note. zilch. gan! n when bradley asked her dad abt it his response was essentially “guess she didn’t love us enough to stay”. as bradley’s got older tho n become (without intention) more involved in the business side of things, it’s become pretty clear there was far more to the story.

(abuse tw) they had a horrible marriage n tony ws emotionally manipulative at the best of times, violent at worst, which didn’t help the fact tht alyssa ws struggling a lot w severe depression n rly just… not in the mindset to b dealing w anything else, even where motherhood ws concerned. bradley p much… would look after her a lot n they’d both b scared of her dad n it was just a whole unhealthy mess.

(death implied tw) anyway im rambling bt basically tony (bradley’s dad) gt wind of alyssa sleeping w men tht worked fr him n he just… got rid. bradley’s kind of worked out over the yrs tht her mum didn’t jst leave on her own accord n tht something must hav happened to her bt she’s too scared of her dad to ever directly accuse him

when her mum went all of her dad’s cruelty pretty mch got channelled straight onto her. it ws diluted between two before bt as u can probably imagine her upbringing was jst…. a steep downhill decline

(drugs implied tw) she learnt ways 2 deal w the incurring trauma bt they weren’t healthy ones at all! bsically jst. will do or take anything fr the distraction. chases a thrill like it’s the only way to remind her she’s alive. has absolutely no regard fr her own wellbeing n often gets other ppl in trouble too bc she’s so insatiably reckless

(hospitalisation tw) she hd….2 separate stints of psychiatric hospitalisation n she never tlks abt it. like ever. acknowledging she’s been vulnerable is her worst nightmare n bc of the way her dad raised her she always thinks any sign of struggling within herself is weakness. truly does…. not kno how to properly emotion

CUT TO!!!! the present. she’s currently living at the motel which is like. the least homely place she cld ever live rly but bradley loves making her life uncomfortable n doesn’t rly believe in growing sentimentally attached to anything if she cn help it <3 probably gets into arguments all the time w her neighbours it’s a whole thing.... atrocious at feeding herself has breakfasts frm the vending machine like her organs aren’t screaming fr vegetables.... plays music too loud n sometimes vanishes for days at a time without a word. she’s a lot.

i honestly feel like the murders haven’t rly phased bradley too hugely....... i won’t lie she probably genuinely is like. oh maybe it’s smthn to do w my dad. n just blinks the other way not rly that phased. on some subconscious level i think she rly just thinks........ death follows her wherever she goes n is like. this is just life for me! kind of depressing. holds her hand bt then screams n pulls away when she inevitably bites me.

PERSONALITY:

the kind of sour cherry only certain people have a taste for

once drank a bottle of whiskey, insisted she could still do a cartwheel and accidentally kicked an old man’s front tooth out in the process. proceeded 2 collapse into a flower bed and laugh so much abt it that she cried

barely takes anything seriously 50% of the time and is angry the other 50%

if she was a coffee she’d be black with five grains of sugar that you couldn’t taste until the last sip

(alcoholism tw) high functioning alcoholic. if u ever see her w a coffee cup u jst kno tht one sniff will confirm high alcohol percentage. honestly idk hw she does it her liver must b yellin

loyal to a point of fault. if she cares abt u (rare) and u murder a man in cold blood (not so rare in the broad scheme of bradley’s life) she’ll brawl anyone that says ur guilty

honestly wld probably fight a person over anything. sometimes she’ll jst be having a bad day n she’ll burst n take it out on whoever says the wrong thing. minefield!

has the worst luck in romance…. ever. ALL her past bfs hav been absolute beasts n as a result she has the ‘romance is dead n love is a lie’ mentality. definitely NOT a romantic. very cut n dry abt these things. sex is mostly just sex n she’d kind of scoff at anyone that wanted more from her

mostly wears stolen clothes from strangers and jackets that swamp her. huge chunky stomping boots with steel toe caps that would RLY bruise if they gave u a kick. hair is p much always a wild mess n she usually hs kind of smudgy/smoky makeup bcos apparently she’s allergic to combs and generally looking presentable… relatable content. the only time she rly looks put together is when she has to do something/go somewhere/see someone on behalf of her father....... he kind of uses her as a sort of. honey pot sometimes fr shit his gang get up to it’s like. not! a way u should ever utilise ur daughter but :/ i cannot stress enough how much i wna drop kick him in the neck

she’s v sarcastic. blunt. kind of has a habit of…. assessing a person n she’s quite perceptive bc she’s been trained to b by the way she always has to monitor her dad’s expression fr the slightest emotion change. she’s very confident n can p much mke a conversation out of whatever if she feels like it. independent too like she hs a bunch of (predominantly surface connection) friends bt she doesn’t care abt going out places alone n does this often. she’s probably kind of known around town bt itd b a 50/50 balance between bein known as intimidating n bein known as that one girl tht always gets into anarchy

likes: drunken snow angels that drag on so long they flirt with pneumonia, stealing cars, throwing watermelons off rooftops to watch them explode, shooting pedestrian’s with bb guns from hidden spots on rooftops.

dislikes: telling the truth, tulips so yellow it’s like they’re gloating, playing music loud enough to fry your brain and serve it on a piece of toast, going home.

PLOTS:

someone tht works at the ‘no angels’ strip club?? either as a dancer or bartender or whtever. just a forewarning it’s probably gna b a pretty….. seedy and Not That Pleasant environment bc it’s like. a crime hotspot inevitably bc it’s a gang hangout so. ur chara wld truly be in fr a rollercoaster ride to say the least

(drugs tw) she deals coke fr her dad’s gang so perhaps ur muse buys off her

anyone….. she’s brawled in the past like. she’s literally a menace i cnt express this enough. wil jst randomly throw a drink in someone’s face fr no reason bc she’s bored. she’s probably pissed off 1000 diff ppl in 1000 diff ways. the possibilities r endless n i jst think tht’s a sexy prospect!

fwbs perhaps??? exes??? (probably ws a tumultuous relationship honestly bradley is. a handful...... it’s also rly not often she ties herself down tbh so this would maybe have to b discussed/be circumstantial/kind of rare)

mayb someone tht she met at an aa meeting when she hd to go fr a court mandated thing one time after bein arrested fr public indecency. i feel like there’s probably a rly expensive statue somewhere thts fancily sculpted n she like. did a flying kick n broke the dick of it off n gt arrested fr it

ppl she……. Goes Wild Goes Crazy w. truly jst the most self destructive person alive so anyone w a similar mindset wld b a hellish bt fun combination

on the contrary a gd influence cld b nice perhaps? like someone tht genuinely cares abt her n she jst doesn’t kno hw to compute it

maybe people who r her neighbours that live at the motel too??

OH it could b fun if ur muse runs or works at a local business maybe like. a bar? idk? n bradley n ur muse have developed a rapport bc she frequents the place n is................ a Character

um. honestly the world’s our oyster. hmu n we cn brainstorm if none of tht catches ur eye!

#parkway.intro #abuse tw #death tw #drugs tw #hospitalisation tw #alcoholism tw #depression tw #i believe tht covers it...........#FLINGS this like a harpoon

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linphd · 5 years ago

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shoto x flirty!reader | blushing

shoto todoroki x reader

female reader

Shoto has a crush on (Y/N), but he keeps getting shy because she's very flirty.

no warning

''Come on dude. You have a crush on her !'' Kaminari said. It was a boys' night in the common room, and they had decided to make Todoroki aware of his crush on one of their classmates, (Y/N). She was always flirting with him, and even if he didn't seem like the kind of boy who does it, Todoroki couldn't help but blush and feeling awkward whenever she was doing it.

At the beginning, he didn't have a crush on her, despise the girl already being opened about hers on him. But throughout time, he got more and more used to it, and eventually started to like her back. However, she didn't want to confess ! She was only teasing him to death, and the girls couldn't understand why she just couldn't ask the prettiest boy of the class out ! Of course he would agree ?!

''I mean... I caught fire several times because of the things she would say.'' The half and half boy replied to his friend. ''Oh, and when we all went to the beach ? Dude, I think you couldn't even focus on the beach volley !'' Kirishima added, not that Todoroki particularly wanted to be reminded that. ''Can we... not talk about it ?''

And the boys knew why ; they were sure going to tease him about it. ''She touched your arm... she said you were muscular...'' Sero started to half-sing, his friends laughing in the process. ''I don't know how you didn't pop a boner when she did, though. I know I would've. She caressed your abs.'' Kaminari commented, making Endeavor's son furrow his eyebrows.

''Don't say that.'' He said at the thought of it. ''Awn, don't be jealous.'' The blonde replied. ''But still, did you decide when you were going to confess to her yet ?'' Midoriya asked. However, Todoroki simply frowned. ''No. I don't want to be embarrassed. She's quite intimidating as well.'' He muttered that last part, but the others still heard it.

''Was there an occasion you could've asked her out, but you didn't ?'' Kirishima asked, really wanting to help his friend. ''Well, there was that time I let her ruffle my hair to mix the colors... I thought it was pretty intimate.'' Kaminari snorted at the comment ; but Todoroki was right. ''Don't laugh, nobody has ever touched his hair. He's right to say it was quite intimate.'' Tenya defended him.

''You should play her own game.'' Kirishima finally said. ''What do you mean ?'' The main addressee asked him. ''Oooh, clever ! Kirishima's right, Todoroki !'' Kaminari said, excited. ''Can somebody explain to me what's going on ?'' Endeavor's son asked, still confused. ''You should get flirty. You surely won't be able to push it as far as her, but you can still try it. She has a crush on you too, right ? It'll be enough to embarrass her !'' The red-hair boy explained.

''Wait... she has a crush on me ?'' Was all Todoroki asked. He really was oblivious. But the boys' plan was a good one. And after teaching him how to do it, he was finally ready when the week-end was over. Indeed, on Monday morning, the students were going to go to the USJ and do some rescue exercices.

''So, for the first exercice, you are going to partner up !'' All Might said, his usual excitement obvious in his voice. Slowly but surely, Todoroki walked to (Y/N). She turned to look at him, an eyebrow arched. ''You would've asked me to partner up, right ? You don't mind ?'' He asked. He sounded quite confident, which confused the girl a bit. Still, she snorted and agreed.

All Might was picking the pairs that were going to be the heroes, those that were going to be the victims, and those that were going to be the villains for the first turn. However, Todoroki was lost in his thoughts. He was very excited to play with (Y/N), actually.

He remembered that one time she helped herself standing up by grabbing his thigh, which had made him blush like he never had before. At the beach, she pushed his hair back, to look at his forehead.

She had thrown water at him, and she just really liked to touch his hair. She was quite close already. However, since he was taller and she was pushing his hair back, she got even closer and pushed her breast against his chest, and he couldn't believe he managed not to active his fire side accidentally.

''Sorry, I mixed the two sides of your hair ! But you don't mind, right ?'' She had given him puppy eyes and pouty lips. So of course, the only thing he managed to say was : ''I-I... Of course I... Of course n-n-not.'' She smiled when he stuttered. She adored messing with him. But Todoroki had trained enough to be able to contain himself and be the one messing with her this time.

''Shoto, did you hear ? We're on the hero team.'' He blinked a few times, blushing already at the mention of his name. ''Okay.'' He muttered, without stuttering. But oh boy, it was actually going to be difficult. He thought he was ready ! After scattering, it was time for the heroes to rescue the victims while fighting the villains they would cross.

Immediately, Todoroki grabbed (Y/N)'s hand and started to run to find some victims. They were getting more points if they were rescuing most people. He was surely blushing at his own action, but she was behind him and couldn't see his face. And (Y/N) ? Well, she was still confused with his behavior, but she was soon going to give up.

Later, as they were rescuing Tsuyu and Ochaco, Tokoyami and Jirou attacked them. Usually, Todoroki would've frozen them with his quirk. But today, he had a strategy. He protected (Y/N) with his ice, making her unable to move, and then he froze the enemies. ''Todoroki ! Still working on your plan, I see !'' Kirishima commented, as he was passing by -being on the hero team as well. The main addressee nodded, and walked to the girl.

''Shotoooo ! Not fair ! Free me !'' She said, pouting. He smiled at her cute expression, and unfroze her. However, he didn't use his quirk enough to make her feel warm again. ''Thanks, but now I'm cold.'' As soon as she said it, Todoroki cupped her cheeks with his left hand, locking eyes with her.

He was actually very close. And that's when she stopped remaining calm ; she started to blush, so bad. She wasn't even sure if her cheeks were warming up because of the boy's quirk or because of her blushing. Endeavor's son was blushing as well, but he brushed it off ; (Y/N) would surely think it was because of the use of both his quirks.

Once he was done warming her up, Todoroki ran his hand through his hair, pushing it back, some locks mixing ; he knew the girl absolutely adored that, and he was even enjoying that she was getting weaker at his actions, and that he was the flirty one for once. ''Are you feeling better, (Y/N) ?'' He asked, not stuttering at all ; actually, what was difficult this time was to restrain a laughter. ''Y-yeah, thanks.'' She replied. She stuttered. Todoroki loved that.

‘’Let’s go save the others, then.’’ That said, he turned to rescue Tsuyu and Ochaco, but of course, someone else had already rescued them, Todoroki and (Y/N) obviously busy with their flirt. ‘’Why did you do that ? We could handle one each easily and we wouldn’t have lost time to rescue them.’’ She didn’t sound mad at him ; she was genuinely confused. ‘‘Oh, thinking that I thought it was a great occasion for you to make me feel intimidated, again.’’

Her eyes widened at his words. ‘’You understood that I was flirting with you ?’’ She didn’t care about the exercices anymore. ‘’The boys made me understand it. They said I have a crush on you.’’ She snorted. ‘’Well, you surely have, since you keep blushing everytime.’’ (Y/N) giggled but Todoroki wasn’t done.

‘’And you kept blushing today. I guess I can ask you out now ?’’ The girl gasped at his confession. ‘’Wait, you really waited for me to blush to do that ?’’ He nodded, smiling in the process. She gasped and jumped to hug him, pinching his cheeks when she was done.

‘’My baby Shoto finally asking me out ! Of course you can !’’ She said, using a much higher voice, before gesturing him to follow her ; they still needed to rescue their classmates. But Todoroki knew she was still much better than him at the flirting game. No worries. He would learn.

Now I actually put a screenshot of the request even after I said that I wrote it, in case ppl can’t find their requests anymore!!!

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #shoto todoroki #todoroki shoto #shoto x reader #todoroki x reader

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radicalposture · 4 years ago

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Hey, so were you diagnosed with autism/adhd as an adult? If you don't mind me asking, was that difficult to achieve? I'm 25, and I've often thought I might have adhd, but I've held off on looking into it because I hear it's extremely difficult and expensive to get it tested and diagnosed as an adult.

yes I only got diagnosed last october, I was 25 then too! it was kind of a weird journey for me, all of my siblings and my dad got diagnosed with autism or adhd one after the other and I was still saying “but I can’t really be autistic/adhd” right up until I actually got diagnosed lol. but since then my whole life suddenly makes sense for the first time and I really think things are gonna be ok! this applies to autism/adhd/other neurodiverse stuff but autism and adhd is what I know, but I hope it applies broadly as well

so unfortunately yes, it can be pretty expensive to get through the whole process. depends on where you live of course, I live in Ireland so even though we do have public healthcare I would probably have been on a waiting list for upwards of two years to see a terrible psychologist who didn’t know anything about adhd/autism so I went to a private psychologist. I already knew her pretty well bc my siblings had been to her and I knew she knew what she was talking about and I felt comfortable with her. seeing her cost me around €900 which is definitely a lot, different psychologists have different rates but the price can go up depending on what tests u get done. the more tests you do the more expensive it will be as a general rule (at the same time I saw a different psychologist who had a lower flat rate so idk what the “rules” are about this tbh) I got a standard assessment as well as autism and adhd tests which is why it was so expensive. it used up pretty much all my savings lmao but after getting a diagnosis I was able to apply for disability allowance (which was a hellish process) and I got rejected and had to appeal the decision but I got it in the end, which is fortunate bc I quit my job lol.

recently I wanted to look into medication so I had to go to a psychiatrist because you can’t get a prescription for stimulant medication from a gp in most countries I think? BUT he’d only see me if I got rediagnosed by his psychologist, so that was another €300 for each of them. I did get prescribed ritalin in the end but I’ll have to get the prescription refilled a few times a year bc it’s a restricted medication, which will mean paying €100 ish for each time I do. fortunately I don’t actually have to pay for the medication itself bc I have a medical card.

so yes, it can be expensive! all told it’s cost me almost €2000 to get it all sorted and will keep costing me maybe €300 a year from now on, so it’s definitely something you have to budget for. especially depending on where you live, I imagine things are v different from country to country. also I’m very fortunate bc I still live with my family so I’m free of some financial pressure and I’d been saving for it for a while but I know how hard it is to countenance paying out that kind of money, and wondering whether it’s worth it.

as to whether it’s difficult to achieve I think you’ve got to break it down because official diagnosis is only part of it. so if you think you do have ADHD I’d look at it from a couple of different angles:

1. self acceptance/understanding is absolutely the most important thing. I know people who’ve never been to a psych who know they’re autistic/adhd and really flourish, I also know people who have official diagnoses but who won’t accept it themselves and reject help/support and they’re making things so hard for themselves. so the most important thing is to educate yourself about what adhd means and, more importantly, what it means for you. everyone’s brain is different and understanding exactly how your brain works and why you think/behave the way you do is the most important thing you can do. there are a lot of resources out there, especially online, - I’ll put a link to a google drive of books and things I have at the bottom - and it can be good to connect with others online as well. having people who Get It and can help you is really paramount, I know often our irl families/friends can sometimes let us down so sometimes the only support you can get is from following ppl on twitter or something. the adhd subreddit is weirdly helpful and supportive, it’s great to be able to throw out a question like “I think like this am I insane y/n” and have other people go “nah ur fine” it’s very validating (also validation/external perspectives is super important for adhd bc we can be extremely bad at self assessment). so yes, the most important thing is firstly to know thyself by 1) educating yourself and 2) listening/connecting with others like u.

2. is it important to have an “official” diagnosis? no and yes. obviously you don’t need a diagnosis from a doctor to know what you are, and 70% of the things needed to help you flourish are going to come from your own research and the support systems you make. and if you cant afford or access a psychologist or psychiatrist it doesn’t make it any less real or bar you from educating yourself/accessing resources etc. HOWEVER. if you can get a good diagnosis then I really would go for it, bc: 1) it opens a LOT of doors to official resources, whether that’s access to welfare, supports and accommodations at school or college, medication, etc etc. a lot of the time the supports we need are behind this diagnostic paywall, which sucks but it is what it is :/ so that’s one consideration. 2) it can be really validating and help set your mind at ease about whether you “really” have adhd or if you’re “faking”. like I said I didn’t believe that I was “allowed” to be autistic before I got diagnosed. I also didn’t consider that I might have adhd, I went in thinking I’d just get the autism diagnosis so it wasn’t something I would have found out on my own probably. so it can be good to get an outside opinion, especially as, like I said, we can be really bad at self assessment. 3) it feels good to know you have a piece of paper to throw at rude family members/teachers/doctors who don’t believe it’s real 4) if you can find a good psychiatrist/psychologist it can be such a good thing to have that support and to get genuinely good advice from a professional you trust. doesn’t always happen but if u can find one it’s a godsend

wow this got long. to summarise, if you think you have adhd or anything else I would

research and educate yourself. for adhd probably the best thing to do is read driven to distraction and delivered from distraction, written by two psychiatrists who are adhd themselves. they’re both in this google drive along with loads of other resources I’ve collected, there’s also books about autism as well. as a disclaimer not everything/everyone here has my 100% endorsement some of it is there for academic/historical interest or only parts are helpful but by and large it’s useful. also watch this video and feel Seen

look for a good psychologist/psychiatrist if you’re going for a diagnosis. see if there’s an adhd organisation in your country/area and if they can recommend anyone. a lot of the time you’re better going to a child/educational psychologist who’ll see adult clients as they tend to Get It more. do look for someone who is clear about having experience in adult adhd bc unfortunately even qualified psychologists get a LOT wrong so make sure you get someone who knows what they’re doing before you give them your money

yes it can be really expensive. but if you’re needing to access things like medication or welfare I think it’s well worth the trouble and the money. my sister got diagnosed in her second year of college and was able to save her degree bc of extensions on projects and things like that (I didn’t get diagnosed until after college and spent four years torturing myself I WISH I had known) and it can be something that’s better done sooner rather than later. So if it’s something you can do without putting yourself in financial danger I think it’s good to bite the bullet and go for it. like I used up basically all my savings BUT I now can access disability payments and medication so it was worth it for me. it’ll be different for everyone so use your judgement obviously

anyway hope this helped! let me know if you need anything else! and good luck on your journey

#brain tag

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papers4me · 4 years ago

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Fascinating concepts in Golden Kamuy Manga ( part 2)

In part 1, I listed 3 concepts that I find intriguing in Golden Kamuy ( GK), I provided short explanation of these concepts but due to issues of space couldn’t provide more examples. The previous 3 concepts were: (1). Broken men of war & death, (2) Fun dynamics & journey companion does not equal close friendships, & (3) Perspective is where characters are truly at. In total I have 9 concepts but intend to post 3 at a time. So, here we go~

4. What breaks men of war: ( emotional ties)

in my previous post, I’ve mentioned that these men of war are not fazed by death & some are even obsessed with it. goldenkamuyhunting has kindly added that they are affected by the death of those whom they’re emotionally connected to, and provided examples. very true. However, I want to look at this concept from another perspective. As much as the constant brush with death has hardened their hearts & stole chunks of their humanity, all the characters are still human. Their humanity isn’t mostly displayed in how they treat strangers/ enemies, or men on the other side, it is presented on how easily they crumble down once you press the right button: their loved ones. They have strong emotional ties that can break them down, even now after they’ve become so drenched in blood. These ties are mostly connected to ppl who are the reason of their current perspective or their past selves. Sugimoto, the ruthless, breaks down in tears at the memory of toraji, at the idea of failing Yumi, at the thought seeing Asripa become like him: a killer. These emotional ties break him into tears & self loathing frenzy. Sadistic Nikaidou not only mourn his brother, but becomes a shell of a man, delusional, erratic, addicted to drugs & hollow. Tsukishima, Tsurumi’s right hand who kills with no hesitation, becomes all sorts of mess at the thought of Igogusa: anger, tears, loss, despair, explosive rage, self-loath coupled with low self-esteem. Tsurumi himself, the man who fondly remember running thro rain of blood, was so affected by the murder of his wife & daughter to the point of not being able to restrain himself. (many examples) but the point is, I applaud the writer for not going the path of writing these characters as emotionless hard cold blooded war veterans. They have emotions & can break into sobs. You might think they’re unable to form new emotional ties, but some can, sugimoto formed healthy independent ties with shirashi! But the issue is not the new ties. The real issue is these men of war not yet dealing with the old emotional ties from their past. Those ties are eating them from the inside. The pain is still raw!

5. Excellent portrayal of unstable psyche:

Some of these men, due to the past emotional ties, have developed unstable thinking & deep troubling thought process & reasoning coupled with the ugly brutality of war. Other writers will simply write men such as Tsurumi or Ogata as mad guys, crazy & lunatic. But Noda chose a deeper more logical & intriguing approach. Their behavior shows elements of unstable & deeply trouble thinking; little boy Ogata poisoning his mother & Tsurumi’s infatuation of being a soul snatching shinigami. What they have done is unexcused & cannot be corrected. However, they are not mindless lunatics. Both characters are mysterious & rarely allowed to have inner monologue abt their true goal. Both play on different sides & have gone through some personal journey to solidify their nihilistic belief. Both goes even deeper into the depth of seemingly unstable thought process. Ogata, lacking family love, questions the concept of pity, mercy & compassion. Embarks on a journey to prove that he’s not alone in feeling no guilt over human death. That his tragic thinking is not up-normal. Other ppl exist like me. ppl other than weird Usami. Nothing is wrong with me, so father should accept me. So tragic. Yet Ogata even with this unstable thinking is portrayed as smart with analytic thinking, skilled, seemingly not swayed by manipulators & very perceptive! Same goes for Tsurumi, extremely manipulated, cunning, intelligent & sweet talker, but was shown as a loving father as he held his daughter in his hand in most of his Japanese language teaching scenes with wilk in Russia. His family’s death deeply troubled him & changed him into the monster he’s currently is. Obsessed with their bones. Not mourning them yet. His position as the story’s villain adds to this but in a very balanced way. There are more examples, such as Usami & a number of the tattooed convicts. But the point is the writer treats the characters as human, who are capable of unstable obsession & thinking, yet can display normal behavior & excellent logical thinking as well.

( btw: I’m not putting any character with the same scale as the other, or saying they’re equal or identical. They are NOT. I’m simply looking at a ting aspect from their behavior in light of the concept they share)

6. No heroes:

I duno abt you. But I don’t sense that this is a story of a bunch of alliances saving the day against the big baddie. I could be wrong tho. But this story has sth that is lacking from most stories, which is: each side have winning points as much as loosing points. Meaning each side has arguments that can lead to their logical success as much as arguments that sheds some light on the holes in their plans. Even the argument that says minority groups should have their own land with their own culture, while very just in concept, the application is quite complicated. A group of ppl with no strong army sitting on a land of rich resources won’t be left alone by other nations. It never happened in the real world, & while GK is fiction, it is safe to say that Noda is aware of this as he made Tsurimi himself point this out in ch,271. Even if the minority groups get their land, they can’t preserve their own culture if they continue their old ways without adapting into new generations & without reaching out to the outside world. Once again Trsumi pointed this out while talking abt japan itself. I duno how Noda plans to solve this. But This is not even exclusive to the Auni/Japan/Russia situation. Again, the story itself is way bigger than that. Each character is not even the hero of their own story. Asirpa’s trauma of finding herself shouldering the burden of an entire culture while struggling to have a normal selfish goal like any normal girl. Sugimoto becoming her body guard while she solves an issue that he himself isn’t that much interested in! he just wanted her to be happy. More importantly he wants her to NOT be like him. Living thro Asripa while he should be trying to figure out his own path, rather than looking for salvation thro the innocent angelic Asipra or becoming a human skinning tool to get the money for Ume’s eyes treatment when she herself never asked him to! Tsukushima, desperately trying to believe that there’s at least some bigger picture good for following Trsurmi, that all the years of blood stinky hands can mean sth, somehow, in the future, so may examples. But I love the concept of grey characters so dearly, no heroes, no angels.

Disclaimer:

I know my explanation for each argument & each concept & the examples I provide can be misunderstood. But I assure you that each time I provide an example, I’m looking at a tiny aspect of a deeply complex & intriguing character that cannot be summarized into one or two concepts & is bigger than to be compared to other characters as well. Each concept is shared by a number of characters but with different approach, level & reasoning behind it. If I want to discuss a certain character in depth, I’ll do that in a post dedicated for them alone.

Lastly, This is just a fraction of my personal opinion abt the story & characters. I’m not claiming this is how they are truly written or this how Noda intended it or even that you should share my thoughts. I just think this manga is so darn good & rich with fascinating characters!

#Golden kamuy #Saichi Sugimoto #Tokushirō Tsurumi #Tsurumi #Sugimoto #Hyakunosuke Ogata #Ogata #Hajime Tsukishima #tsukishima #nikaido #manga #Fascinated paper

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jawnjendes · 5 years ago

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bonus: i am all of me | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth oc

AN: the goth gf series is now a finalist in the @shawnblrficawards which is???? so fucking wild??? ppl care abt my story??? so yeah, to celebrate HERE IS A THROWBACK by throwback i mean this takes place in the university days, before the shawn meets series

goth gf masterlist | vote for goth gf maybe? | shawn meets masterlist

For someone who deviates the norm on a regular basis, I hung out with a lot of normal people. Most of my “goth” friends were back home in California, and the only “goth” friend I had here in Toronto was Patrick Markowski. He preferred not to be around the normies I hung out with, so it was just me against the world sometimes.

It’s not like I meant for my friend group to end up like this. At first, my only normal friend was Stella. But Stella was friends with Camila, who was friends with Shawn, who had been dating me for the last three months. Shawn was quite popular around campus, and he was always seen talking to someone. People liked him, and he loved people. I preferred laying low and being invisible, even though that was hard to do.

I was always in black lace, fishnets, platforms, or all of the above. I was rarely caught without my hair in my face or my signature winged liner. Putting me next to a normal guy was odd, and that wasn’t hard to notice. If Shawn introduced me to a stranger, that stranger always had the mildly disapproving stare. Not to mention, one of his friends just viewed me as the target to playfully bully.

When it came from the group of normal people I hang around with, it’s fine. Shawn’s best friend, Brian, constantly took the piss out of me. It was our primary form of communication at this point. I wear black, I steal souls and drink virgin blood. I can joke about it too. I actually liked it sometimes. It was fun to joke about my plan to steal Shawn’s heart and sacrifice it to Satan. Just girly things, y’know?

There’s something I didn’t appreciate, though. And it didn’t come from Brian or Shawn or anyone, really. It came from my own pride and lack of brain cells. It took one random game of Odds On with Camila that brought me face to face with a monstrosity and the realization that I may take this goth thing more seriously than I thought.

Camila was grinning as she held up the pink, ruffly dress. “You’re gonna look so pretty.”

Behind her, Stella was giggling. She witnessed the Odds On and was there to make sure I kept my word.

The dress was short sleeved, and the ruffles made a very poofy skirt. The pink was a horrifying pastel that made my skin crawl. I didn’t mind colors as long as I’m wasn’t the one wearing them.

“What dumpster did you pull that out of?” I asked.

“Forever 21!” Camila happily replied, laying the dress down on my bed.

“And you literally just bought this today?”

“Yup! You can keep it after as a token of my friendship.” She stuck her tongue out. “So, from sun up to sun down tomorrow, you have to wear this. And I have to see you at least once so I know you didn't cheat! No changing either!”

I always kept my word, almost to a fault. That’s why I didn’t bring up the knot in my stomach, or the dread hanging on my shoulders to anyone. I didn’t mention how pushing someone out of their comfort zone could do more harm than good. It was just a silly little bet. It was just clothing. I shouldn’t have been so worried about it.

That didn’t exactly stop me from telling Shawn about it over FaceTime. I kept my frustrations on a low simmer, knowing that Camila was one of my boyfriend’s friends.

“So don’t do it,” Shawn told me. “It’s a meaningless bet, right?”

“But I made a promise, and Camila already spent money at Forever fucking 21!”

“Mm, you do hate that store.”

“So much… Fuck, I’m actually dreading tomrrow.”

“Aw, babe…” He looked at me for a moment. “What if you fake sick? It’ll be believable since you get sick a lot.”

I hummed. “I’d have to wear it the next day. The point is for me to look stupid and out of character in public.”

“What if you accidentally damage the dress?”

“She’ll know I did it on purpose, and then I’d end up owing her…” I reached for the flimsy fabric on the floor and found the tag. “Thirty-five dollars?!”

Shawn didn’t say anything for a second. “Well… at least you look cute in pink!”

That made me groan in annoyance. No one seemed to get it. “It doesn’t matter how cute I look! It’s not my color! I’m gonna look so out of it and, and... “ I sighed and threw the dress back on the floor.

A deep pit formed in my stomach overnight. I wished it was enough to keep me bedridden, but the dress was going to be worn no matter what. I got ready for my morning classes as I normally did. Intense liner, black lipstick, kept my hair down. Put the dress on and paired it with my combat boots. Once I looked as least uncomfortable as could be, Stella came knocking on the door.

“Let me see, let me see!”

I couldn’t even fake a smile as I opened the door. Actually, I scowled at my roommate, who had her phone out. The flash went off, and I immediately used my bedroom door to shield myself.

“No pictures!” I snapped.

“Oh come on! Camila has to see that you followed through!” Stella replied. When I ignored her, she sighed. “Okay, my phone is in my pocket! And we’ll see Camila later today, anyway!”

I poked my head out the door, making sure my roommate kept her word. Still, nothing could really make this better. Well, apart from getting rid of the stupid dress.

"Let's get today overwith," I mumbled, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

Thankfully, Camila forgot to get a matching coat for today's look, so I found refuge in my leather jacket. That made going to classes a little easier, but I still felt out of place and just… not good. No one in my classes cared about how I looked, and that was fine. The permanent scowl on my face kept the guys in gaming club from saying anything at all too. My problem wasn't the fear of being singled out and made fun of. That happened when I dressed normally, I was immune to that.

Trust me, I was very aware of how dramatic I looked all the time. I knew just how odd I looked with my group of normal friends and my normal boyfriend. That's just how I am, and that's probably what bugged me. I was blending in too much, and it was so far from me that I wanted to jump out of my own skin.

Every part of me wanted to just fuck off to my dorm after my psychology class, but I had to remember my promise to Camila. She had to see for herself that I followed through. She sent a text asking to meet her at one of the picnic tables on the courtyard, and I knew damn well it wasn't going to be just her.

The distaste on my face was amusing to Camila, Stella, Brian, and Connor as I approached the table. I had my arms folded as their faces lit up in shock.

"Well, aren't you a ray of sunshine?" Camila giggled. "I can't believe you did it!"

I only chewed the inside of my cheek. Then, I turned to Brian, who was beside himself with silence. It's better than laughing in my face, I suppose.

"Go ahead, lay it on me," I told him.

"I would," he replied, "but Shawn…"

"Huh?"

The other three at the table were nodding in agreement. Camila pointed behind me, so I looked.

My jaw dropped.

There he was, six foot something in the exact same pink, ruffled dress as me. The top half of the dress was tight over his broad chest, it probably didn't zip all the way. The skirt was very short, showing a lot of Shawn's thighs. He bounded over to the table like nothing was out of the ordinary.

"Hey guys," he greeted, slinging his arm around me.

I was still caught with my mouth open at the sight of him.

"Oh my god," Camila said, floored.

"Well, don't we look pretty?" Brian said with a laugh.

"I'm always pretty, thanks," Shawn replied, dramatically running his fingers through his hair.

I was still silent. I didn't even know where to begin: The fact that the top half of the dress was one wrong move away from ripping? The fact that Shawn was on the receiving end of Brian's roasting? The fact that Shawn heard my mindless venting and took matters into his own hands? Or the fact that he did this shit instead of simply bringing me a bigger jacket? There was just too much to unpack here.

That, and a new appreciation for this guy I was dating. My shocked expression had morphed into a soft grin the longer I watched him casually talk with his friends.

It was a thoughtful(?) gesture, but it didn't fix anything.

I followed Shawn home like a lost puppy at the end of the school day. Apart from teasing thigh touches, neither of us had properly talked about our matching attire. Shawn talked about everything no matter what, so this was a little strange.

It was strange because I wanted to talk about it.

"So," I began when we were in his car, although I quickly realized I didn't know how to go about this. "Um… what the fuck?"

Shawn glanced at her once as he pulled out of the parking lot. “Huh?”

I gestured to the outfit, an expectant look on my face.

“Oh, that,” he said. “I figured you wanted the attention off of you.”

“So you got the same dress?”

“I got the same dress.”

There was a pause as I looked at him, a half smile on my face. My brain was still having trouble processing the fact that he did this… for me. Or, at all.

“Well…” I trailed off, pushing away the cheesy words threatening to spill out. “...that was pretty cool. Thanks.”

Shawn reached across the center console and took my hand. “You sounded pretty upset on FaceTime. I just wanted to make it a little easier for you.”

“It’s no big deal.”

He opened his mouth to say something else, but decided against it.

“What?” I asked. You can’t just do that and expect me not to question it.

Apparently, that was all Shawn needed for him to spill. “You made it seem like it was the end of the world. You kept saying that you had to follow through, but you weren’t happy about it at all. Even for a meaningless bet. I’m just wondering why.

“Uh…”

“You don’t have to tell me, of course,” he quickly added. “Whatever you want. I can listen, or we can pretend like this day never happened.”

If he had been looking at me and not the road, then this would have been an easy choice. Forget everything and burn the dress. But there was no eye contact in this vehicle. The words that had piled up in my throat since the bet finally started to spill out.

"Not to be all, 'it's not a phase mom,'" I began, "but the chokers, the dark makeup, and the skulls? It's all I am. It's apart of me. I was in black onesies as a baby. That whole subculture is my sense of belonging. The dark, creepy shit the mainstream world hates is my happy place. And it was taken away from me today.”

“So why didn’t you explain that to Camila? She would have understood.”

“I didn’t say anything because I would have gotten upset. Or worse, I would have cried.” I sighed. “Besides, it’s just clothing. It’s all vanity. It’s stupid for someone to throw a fit over things like that.”

I kept my eyes out the window. Shawn gently squeezed my hand to get me to turn back to him.

“It’s not stupid,” he told me. “You said it’s where you belong, and there’s nothing stupid about that. If how you express yourself is important to you, then no one can tell you otherwise.”

Oof, there’s that sting in my throat. I placed my free hand on top of his. “No offense to your friend, but if she wasn’t so taken with my friend, I would have clocked her for suggesting this in the first place.”

Shawn chuckled, then paused. “Wait. Taken with? Camila is taken with Stella?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. They seem close, I just didn’t wanna start anything with Camila, for Stella's sake."

"Gotcha. So…" Shawn's tone indicated that the subject was changing. "You gonna let me rip that dress off of you when we get to my place?"

"Mm… yeah."

_______

goth gf taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @mendesromano @1-800-khalid-mendussy @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @someoneunimportantxx @goldenmndes @shawnsunflower @shawnvvmendes @parkeraul @ruinhoney @calyumthomas @havethetimeeofyourlifee @chillingbythesea @wronglanemendes @softmendesss

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes smut #shawn x oc #shawn x goth gf #we love posting twice #we love the fucked up tagging system lmao #its ok my things dont get notes anymore even if they do show in the tag

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