#which is fine !!! i love them lots . i think they like me too. in their own chickeny way hrhe
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was i stupid to love you?
in which a lingering glance at Rossiâs wedding threatens your engagement.
content: angst, 4.8k, takes place right after truth or dare (14x15), a lot of dialogue, mention of prison arc, emotional distress, relationship conflict, not proofread a/n: when was the last time you saw me write angst? exactly. this is inspired by malcolm & marie bc i really like the idea of having an argument while moving around the house (also disclaimer i have nothing against JJ i just like being dramatic)
The lock clicks open. The door swings with a creak. Your heels tap against the hardwood in a hollow rhythm that feels almost too loud. Thereâs a tightness in your chest, that prickling behind your eyes, and a familiar ache pressing up from the pit of your stomach, churning into a faint nausea that you try to ignore. Youâre trying to hold it back.
Not here.
Not now.
Spencer doesnât even look up. The keys slip from his hand with a soft clink as they hit the side table, and he turns away with a quiet sigh that reverberates deep in your bones.
âAre you hungry?â he asks, tossing a glance toward the kitchen. âThink we could order something?â
You trail after him, the sharp click of your heels echoing as you step onto the kitchen tile. âWe just came back from a wedding.â
Heâs rifling through the cupboard, his fingers brushing over the mismatched mugs and neatly stacked plates before he pulls down two glasses. âI barely ate anything at the reception.â
You watch him, biting back a response as memories flicker to mind. The slice of cake heâd poked at absentmindedly, washing it down with sips of water instead of real food.
It wasnât hunger he seemed focused on tonight. No, it was his quiet glances across the room you keep on catching from the corner of your eye, and that conversation heâd had at the bar. The one where his posture softened, his gaze so intent youâd found yourself staring at the back of his head, trying not to read too much into itâand obviously failing.
âWhy didnât you eat?â
He shrugs, his back still to you as he fills the glasses with water. âI donât know,â he says, sounding almost absent, like itâs something he hasnât really thought about. âI didnât get around to it, I guess.â
The muscles in your jaw ticks as you bite the inside of your cheeks.
Spencer turns, offering you a glass. âI was thinking of Chinese, or maybe we can check if that Thai place you like is still open.â
You take the glass from him, barely sparing it a glance before setting it back down on the counter. âWhatever you want is fine.â
A subtle crease appears between his brows. âYou sure? You usually have some opinion when it comes to food.â
âIâm not hungry.â
âYou donât want to eat anything?â
You suppress a sigh. "No. I'm tired."
The soft amber of his eyes dims slightly as he studies you. There's a flicker of uncertainty passing through them before he nods. âAlright,â he concedes. âWe donât have to order anything.â
A faint, humorless laugh escapes you before you can stop it. It tastes bitter, a little unfair, but it slips out before you can pull it back, âYou donât have to change your plans on my account, Spencer.â
âIâm not changing any plans,â he responds. âIâm just making sure you have something to eat in case youâre hungry.â
Your shoes dig uncomfortably into your feet. You shift your weight, starting to pace a few steps back and forth. "It's dinner, you don't have to check on me for every little thing. Do whatever you like."
He blinks, looking genuinely perplexed. "What are you saying? I was trying to be considerate."
"Right. Considerate.â
Thereâs an unmistakable bite in your tone.
âYes, because we like doing these things together," he observes, watching your uneasy pacing. "Am I missing something here?â
You shake your head. âNope.â
"Honey."
The term of endearment lands softly, slipping from his lips like he believes it has the power to melt whatever tension has suddenly crept between you. But it only tightens the knot building in your stomach. Itâs stirring the words youâre trying to hold back, tangling them somewhere between your chest and throat.
He calls your name this time, his eyes narrowing into sharp lines. âYouâve been awfully quiet on our way home, and now youâre⊠honestly, I donât know why you're acting this way.â His voice dips with a tinge of exasperation. "Whatâs this really about?"
The words youâve been biting back feel like a stack of stones in your throat, rising up, up, up, each one pressed tighter by the gnawing nausea in your stomach. You can feel them gathering, and before you know it, they tumble out messily.
âIâm just saying, donât let me hold you back from getting what you want. I wouldnât want to stop you from anythingâor, god forbid," you add, letting your gaze drift away as if a little distance might soften the blow, âanyone.â
The soft, almost stifled inhale he takes is audible. You donât even have to look up to see his expression shifting. Youâve known him long enough to recognize the way his shoulders tense, the way his breathing slows as he processes your words. You know his reaction by heart, yet right now, you wonder if saying this was a mistake, if this is the start of something neither of you can take back.
His fingers twitching at his side slip into your line of sight. He's angry.
Maybe this isnât the time to start a fight.
âWhat is that supposed to mean?â
Your heels click softly as you turn.
âForget it. I shouldn't have said anything,â you mutter, already moving toward the bedroom thatâs been yours, too, for the past year. Although it feels strange tonight, like a space that belongs to someone else. A life youâre not entirely sure you belong in.
âNo." His voice is somewhere behind you. âI think you should explain to me what you mean by that.â
You donât respond, choosing instead to sink onto the edge of the bed, hands fumbling as you try to undo the straps of your heels. You twist the stubborn leather with more force. His shadow fills the doorway.
âHoney.â
Not again.
You decide to ignore him.
âIs there something youâd like to say to me?â
You tug harder at the strap. âNo.â
He doesnât buy it. âYouâre clearly bothered by something.â
You shake your head, fingers still fumbling, the leather cutting against your ankle with each pull. âIâm just tired. Can we leave it at that?â
Thereâs a flicker of frustration in his gaze now, a crease forming between his brows as he studies you. He moves into the room. You barely have the chance to react before he lowers himself, bending one knee to the floor as he reaches toward the strap youâve been fighting with. âHere, let meââ
âDonât,â you interrupt, pulling your foot away. âI can do it myself.â
âI know you can. But let meââ
âI can do it myself!â
Your heartbeat thuds loud in your ears, each pulse feeding the frustration thatâs wound its way up from your chest. He rises slowly, not a word passing his lips, but the tension radiates off him like heat. Heâs close enough that his warmth presses against your skin, although itâs not the kind you usually find comforting. Itâs almost suffocating.
You turn your focus back to the stubborn strap, your fingers trembling slightly as you struggle to grip it. Out of the corner of your eye, you catch him slipping off his shoes, one after the other, the soft thuds barely audible over the rush of your own heartbeat. He pulls off his suit jacket, carefully smoothing the crumpled fabric before hanging it in the closet. For a moment, it seems like heâs going to let it go⊠until his gaze drifts back to you.
You can tell his patience is fraying, and youâre proven right when he asks again, âWhat did you mean by that? When you said you wouldnât want to stop me from anyone⊠what was that supposed to mean?â
You finally manage to tug the strap loose. The heel drops to the floor with a muted thump. âIt was nothing.â
âI donât think youâd say something like that if it was nothing.â
Your focus shifts to the other shoe. âJust drop it, Spencer.â
"How am I supposed to drop it when you're implying... whatever it is you're implying?"
You keep your eyes down, wrestling with the strap in silence. He cuts through the quiet before it has a chance to grow.
âDonât do that,â he says. âDonât brush it off like itâs nothing when it clearly means something. I need to know why you said that.â
You kick off the other heel and meet his gaze for the first time since you walked into the room. âYou really want to know?â
He reaches for his bow tie, yanking it loose it with one hard pull. âDo I want to know why youâre giving me this attitude right now? Yes. Yes, I do.â
Oh. So this is going to be that kind of fight.
You hadnât expected it to go here. Fights with Spencer are very rare, usually more a clash of misunderstandings that you both laugh about with limbs tangled between sheets by the time youâve made peace. But seeing him standing there with the tie hanging loosely around his neck and his five oâclock shadow casting an even darker line along his jaw, it hits you differently.
This is real. And this time, you donât know if brushing it off will fix anything.
âFine, letâs talk about it then.â You rise from the bed, tension carrying you to your feet. âEmilyâs speech tonight.â
His brow furrows, not quite a scowl, more a cautious crease as he processes your tone. âEmilyâs speech? What about it?â
âWhat do you remember of it?â
Thereâs a slight pause, and you can tell he's clearly caught off guard by the question. âShe mentioned how Rossi and Krystal are twin flames."
âRight. Two souls that are always meant to be together.â
His face is still marked by confusion, but thereâs something else creeping in. A subtle tightening around his eyes tells you heâs starting to piece it together. âI donât understand what that has to do withââ
âYou looked at JJ the second Emily made that speech,â you cut him off. âSpencer, you didnât even spare a glance at your future wife because you were too busy making eyes at the woman whoâs apparently been in love with you all these years.â
There. You said it. The words that have twisted around your insides all evening are finally out. And maybe they taste a little bitter, but at least they're not choking you anymore.
A second passes, then another, and by the time the fifth heartbeat ticks by, heâs standing there with his hand on his hip.
âThatâs not what happened."
âThen what was it?â you demand. "I sat beside you the whole day, you didn't even try to hide it."
âThatâs notâyouâre twisting things.â His hand moves through his hair, fingers digging in as his curls tumble forward onto his forehead. âAnd you know what happened that night wasnât real. It was a forced confession. She was under duress, we both were. JJ and I are just friends.â
You arch an eyebrow. âYou look at all your friends like that?â
His hand drops to his side. "I don't know what else you want me to say. JJ said what she did because she thought we might die. She has a family, and a husband who she loves. We already went through this, I don't understand why this is suddenly an issue again."
âMaybe I wouldnât be bringing this up if you didnât look at her tonight like you were ready to break up that marriage yourself.â
A flash of shock and anger crosses his features.
âThatâs not fair,â he snaps, his voice sharper than youâve heard in a while. âDo you really think Iâd disregard everything I have with you because of a look? Because of a history that has never gone anywhere?â
âI donât know what to think. It's not like it happened just once, I saw you looking at her the same way at the bar." You step forward, accidentally kicking your discarded heel as you move. "What were you two talking about, anyway?â
He lets out a tight breath. âShe was checking in on me. She⊠we havenât talked much since then.â
The corners of your mouth pull down. âMhm. Another round of truth or dare?â
âI canât believe youâre using that against me." His hair flops forward as he shakes his head, falling messily over his brow. "If there were anything unresolved with JJ, I wouldâve said something. But I didnât, because thereâs nothing there."
âAnd yet, sheâs always been an important part of your life, hasn't she?"
He tilts his head. "What are trying to say now?"
Your tongue darts out, briefly brushing your lips. You're not sure you should say it, but it feels like a door has swung openâa door to words that have been waiting for their moment.
You take a slow, deep breath, filling your lungs with as much air as you can.
âWhen you were in prison, you put her on your visiting list ahead of almost everyone else. Doesnât that say something about where she stands with you?â
He exhales sharply, dragging a hand over the back of his neck.
âSheâs part of the team,â he says, as if heâs trying to spell out something heâs already explained a dozen times. "There were strict rules, I already told you that only a handful of people were allowed to visit. It wasnât like I could just put anyone on the list.â
âBut you couldâve put me on there!â
The familiar burn of tears prickles at the edges of your eyes, but you blink them back, refusing to let them fall. An explanation or protest is poised on his lips, but youâre already moving, closing the distance with a single, decisive step. A finger lands on his chest.
âI was your girlfriend, Spencer. Were you that determined to keep me out? Was the thought of seeing me really so unbearable? Do you even understand how hard it was to sit at home, knowing you were locked up, feeling completely helpless? Do you have any idea how much I hated myself day after day because I couldnât do anything to help you?â
Your lips quiver. You feel like your heart is about to leap out of your throat.
âI was out here, just⊠waiting. Wondering if you were okay, if they were treating you alright, if you even had someone to talk to. And meanwhile, sheâs there, with you. Every single time, sheâs the one who gets to be by your side.â
Your nail digs into the fabric of his shirt.
âSo forgive me if I canât just let that go. Because when it mattered, it felt like you didnât want me to be there for you. And now⊠now I donât even know if you need me the way you seem to need her.â
Your breathing turns shallow, each inhale catching in your chest. The tears youâve been holding back are dangerously blurring your vision. You swallow the knot lodged in your throat.
âI need a minute.â
Without another word, you turn and walk out of the room, leaving him standing there in stunned silence. You slip back into the kitchen, leaning against the counter as you finally reach for the glass of water thatâs been sitting there untouched. You take a sip, barely feeling the cool water on your lips, when you hear his footsteps behind you.
âYou think I donât want you in my life?â he demands. âYou think I somehow need her more than I need you?â
You set the glass down. âWhat part of âI need a minuteâ do you not understand?â
âYou really expect me to wait quietly after you unloaded every doubt youâve ever had about us?â
You life your chin up. âYes, I do. I need space to think right now.â
âWhat more do you want to think about when youâve already convinced yourself that Iâm always going to fall short? Is it so hard to believe that youâre the one I want?â
âYou want to know why itâs so damn hard to believe?â You turn towards him. âBecause every time I try to let this go, thereâs always something. A confession. Thatâthat not-so-subtle look. And when those things happen, it reminds me that Iâm not as close to you as she is. Iâm fucking tired of feeling like Iâm fighting for space in your life.â
âDo you think I want you to feel like that? Do you think Iâd go through everything weâve been through if you didnât matter to me?â
âThen explain to me why I wasnât on that list!â you cry out. âExplain to me why, in one of the hardest times of your life, you couldnât make space for me?â
âBecause I was trying to protect you!â
A heavy, dreadful silence falls between you. He takes a step back, his eyelids fluttering shut briefly, and when he opens them again, thereâs a softness in his gaze that mirrors the gentleness now threading through his voice.
âI know it probably doesnât make sense to you, and maybe it never will, but I couldnât stand the idea of you seeing me like that. Living through it was hard enough, but having you there, seeing me so helpless⊠It would have crushed me. I didnât want that to be your memory of me.â
His Adamâs apple dips as he swallows, a quick, almost anxious movement youâve witnessed countless times.
âAnd when JJ came to see me,â he continues, âthe way the inmates looked at her, the things they said after she left⊠it was disgusting. I couldnâtâwouldnâtâlet that happen to you. I couldnât live with thought of you being subjected to that because of me.â
You lower your head with a sigh. âI donât care if they looked. I donât care what they wouldâve thought.â
âBut I care,â he fires back, taking a step forward. âBecause you mean more to me than anyone. All I wanted was to keep you safe, and maybe I didn't handle it right, maybe I made the wrong call... but it was only because Iâ" His voice drops into an even more gentle note. "Because I love you."
Your heart stumbles, an uneven beat that feels almost bruised, pounding hard against your ribs.
"I-I love you so much. More than I know how to put into words." The ache in your chest sharpens as his hands come up to cup your cheeks. "I don't like fighting with you. I hate it, actually. I hate seeing you look at me like this."
You also hate the way heâs looking at you. Thereâs a depth to his annoyingly pretty eyes that makes it impossible to hold up your defenses without feeling them crumble. You let your eyes flutter closed.
âWhy donât we⊠call it a night?â He suggests. âLetâs lie down. We donât have to talk about this now.â
The blackness behind your eyelids does little to quiet your mind. Nor does his voice. Or his touch. Instead of offering peace, his presence throws every glance, every moment of tension from tonight into sharper relief.
You draw in a breath, trying to find some comfort in his palms against your cheeks. Yet, even this canât smooth away the doubt thatâs settled in. With a resigned sigh, you release the breath youâve been holding along with the words that have been pressing at the back of your throat.
âYou havenât explained it to me.â
The shadows in his gaze seem to deepen when you open your eyes.
âWhat do you mean?â
âWeâve been going in circles, but you havenât explained to me what happened tonight,â you say quietly. âWhy did you look at her, Spencer?â
His thumb absently strokes your cheek in a way that feels more hesitant than reassuring.
âBe honest with me,â you press. âWas there a part of you, even the tiniest part, that still wanted something with her? Some small part of you that⊠wondered what it might be like?â
The silence between you presses in from all sides, broken only by the faint hum of the refrigerator and the distant, muffled ticking of a clock on the wall. Itâs the kind of quiet that sharpens even the smallest sounds, yet his lack of response feels like the loudest thing of all.
You pull back from him with an incredulous laugh.
âUnbelievable.â The word barely makes it past your lips, then louder as you start to move, pacing the length of the apartment. âUnbelievable.â
âWait,â he says, trailing after you, âI didnât even say anything.â
You stop short by the couch and whip around to face him.
âYou didnât need to! Youâyou hesitated," you stammer, searching his face for any flicker of denial, but itâs there, plain as day, that split-second of doubt you caught. âThat was already an answer.â
He inches closer. A hand closes in on you. âPleaseââ
You flinch, pulling back, and every muscle in your body tightens. âDonât. Donât touch me right now.â
His hand falls to his side. âPlease⊠let me explain."
You watch his hand drop, fingers twitching like theyâre not sure if they should retreat or reach out again, but he keeps them there, hovering in some invisible line youâve drawn. He looks at you with those big, pleading eyes, and for a split second, you almost feel bad for him.
Almost.
A bitter sort of smile tugs at the corner of your mouth. "So now you want to explain?"
He takes that as permission, and his voice comes in low, almost cautious. "When I first started at the BAU, I had⊠maybe a crush. A passing thing, barely anything, really. But that was fourteen years ago.â His hand scrubs through his hair in a frustrated sweep. âFourteen years."
Your brows pull into a frown. âWhy am I only hearing about this now?â
âBecause it was nothing,â he says, almost too quickly. âI was young, it didnât matter. I didnât think it was worth bringing up.â
âOh, I get it now. All those old feelings came rushing back the night she confessed, didnât they?â
He mirrors your frown, a visible line of tension etching itself between his brows as he protests, âItâs nothing like that.â
âThen what is it?â you press. âBecause from where Iâm standing, it looks a whole lot like youâre caught between us because some part of you is still hung up on what mightâve been with her."
He shifts uncomfortably, and you notice the muscles in his jaw clenching the moment his gaze falters, dipping away for just a heartbeat before he looks back at you.
âItâs not that I donât know what I want,â he starts to explain. âI didnât expect her to say those things, and, yes, it threw me off for a moment. But that doesnât mean Iâm looking back, or that I want her. I want you.â
You shake your head, feeling a tired sort of frustration settle over you, and walk over to the couch. The soft cushions give slightly beneath you as you sink down.
âIf you really wanted me, this wouldnât be happening. You wouldnât have let her get into your head like that. And now, you expect to believe that none of it meant anything?â
Heâs quick to follow, closing the distance in a few tense steps. âItâs notââ His hands flex open and close at his sides. âYouâre acting like one single look tonight is enough to decide Iâm not committed to you. Do you really think Iâd let some confession I didnât even ask for get in the way of what we have?â
âItâs not just about that single look. Itâs the way she could say something and suddenly, youâre pulled back to something you swore youâd put behind you. How am I supposed to feel secure when she still has that power over you?â
âAnd what am I supposed to do, then? Apologize for things I donât even feel anymore?â
You flinch at the sharpness in his voice. A low, frustrated noise rumbles in his chest when you donât respond.
âYouâre always going to question me no matter what I say, arenât you?"
You glance over at him, catching the disheveled strands of hair falling over his forehead, and it pulls you back to that night he came home after that dreadful night. Heâd walked in looking worn in a way youâd never seen before, his whole posture weighted down as if he was carrying more than just the fear of being held hostage.
You remember sitting with him on this same couch, fingers brushing his, and asking what was bothering him.
JJ said she loved me.
Your heart lurched, a quick, quiet ache that you tried to swallow down. Really?
Donât worry. Itâs not true.
But with that same haunted look in his eyes right now, you canât help but wonder if it really was just a well-intentioned lie.
âOne glance and youâre accusing me of things that are never going to happen,â he starts again. âDo you really think so little of me? After everything weâve shared, you really think Iâd betray you like that?â
In true honesty, you donât believe he would ever cross that line. But the doubts still linger, fed by those small hesitations, the moments when his eyes seem somewhere else. Itâs not that you think heâd betray you. Itâs that a part of him might still be holding onto something he wonât let you see.
âItâs like you donât know me at all.â
Now those words you might actually believe.
âMaybe I donât,â you say quietly, eyes drifting to the ring on your finger. You twist it absently, remembering the night he proposed. How heâd stumbled over his words, his cheeks flushing as he tried to make the moment perfect but ended up rambling in that endearing, nervous way of his. Youâd laughed, reassured him that it was exactly right, that you didnât need grand gestures. All you needed was him.
And yet, you donât think he needs you as much you need him.
A hollow ache settles around your hand as you slip the ring off.
âWhat are you doing?â
You stare down at the gold band in your palm, blinking back the sting of tears.
âTell me what youâre doing.â
Panic. Desperation. Thereâs a sudden rush of melancholy in his voice, a heaviness that wasnât there a moment ago.
You swallow the lump in your throat. âI donât know,â you whisper. âIâI donât know anything right now.â
His face crumples, and in a sudden, almost instinctive movement, he drops down to his knees.
âNo, no, you do know me. Iâm sorry⊠Iâm so sorry. Isnât thisââ he stops, then dips his head, trying to catch your gaze. âIsnât that what couples do? They argue, they mess things up⊠but they work through it, right? Right?â
You look down, feeling the cool weight of the ring pressing into your skin.
âSpencerâŠâ you begin. âI trust you. I do, and Iâm sorry if I made it seem like I didnât. But⊠I need to feel secure. I⊠I need to know that I donât have to wonder or worry about where I stand. I never thought youâd be the one to make me doubt that.â
Thereâs a sharp ache in your chest.
âI didnât think it could hurt this much. Not from you.â
Your pulse ring in your ear.
âI canâtââ The words catch in your throat, a stinging burn rising as you force them out. âI canât be your wife when Iâm constantly questioning if I have all of you. When I feel like⊠thereâs always a part of you that isnât mine.â
âIâm yours, honey. Iâm always yours.â
âI wish I could believe that.â
Thereâs a slight falter in his voice. âDonâtâplease donât do thisââ
âI canât keep pretending it doesnât hurt.â
He falls silent, and for a moment, the only sound is the rough, uneven rhythm of both your breaths filling the space between you. Then, like something inside him finally cracks open, he sinks down, pressing his forehead against your lap. The sudden weight of him forces a broken sob from your throat.
âPlease,â he begs, fingers clutching at your sides. His chin presses deep into your thigh. âTell me how to fix this. I canâtâ I canât lose you.â
âSpenceâŠâ
âI love you,â he blurts out, the words tumbling from him in a rush. âI love you.â
But what is love, really? Is it just a word people reach for when theyâve run out of things to say, a way to patch over bruised hearts and broken promises? Or should it feel like something more solid, something that doesnât leave you questioning or aching? You canât even tell anymore.
You wonder, too, if maybe youâve been wrong all along. If this feeling in your chest isnât love but something dressed up as it, something that fills the gaps while slowly hollowing you out. Because here you are, clinging to a love that somehow makes you feel like youâre both needed and unseen. Everything and nothing all at once.
You feel like a fool.
âI want to go to bed.â
His head lifts from your lap, a flash of surprise darting across his face, as though he hadnât expected you to say anything at all, let alone that. âYeah, okay, letâs go to bed. Weâll⊠weâll figure this out in the morning.â
âIâd rather be alone.â
The words hit him visibly. His mouth opens, an argument forming there, but he catches himself, letting the silence stretch before he nods slowly.
âThen⊠Iâll stay out here. On the couch,â he offers softly. âJust⊠in case you need anything.â
A pang cuts through you at the thought of him stretched out on the couch, his legs too long, his shoulders folded in to fit the cramped space. But the idea of sharing a bed right now feels impossible.
You reach down, holding out the ring towards him.
âNo,â he says firmly, gently pushing your hand away. âDonât do that. This⊠it doesnât mean weâre giving up. It just means we need time. Thatâs all.â
Youâre not sure if your mind will change in the morning. The ring presses into your skin, but finally, you close your hand around it, nodding faintly before you peel away from him.
The tears start the moment the bedroom door clicks shut behind you. It spills over in a jagged, helpless cry that sounds nothing like you imagined heartbreak might sound. Itâs messy, a kind of aching grief that feels too big for your chest, clawing its way out with no grace at all. You can practically hear how pathetic you sound, and yet you canât seem to stop.
Even when the hem of your dress trails across the floor. Even when you finally collapse onto his side of the bed. Thereâs no stopping you. With the ring sitting cold in your hand, your tears keep coming, soaking into the pillow as you cling to the last trace of him woven into the sheets.
#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid angst#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x female reader#spencer reid fem!reader#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds x reader#angst#angst with no happy ending
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Ask compilation: DU drow, Orin, Astarion, lore things and little fun facts.
Trying to make a dent in this dang inbox. As always, thank you so much everyone for your patience and curiosity! Sorry that it is straight up no longer possible for me to reply to everyone, but I will keep doing my best within reason. Enjoy!
Absolutely! I had a lot of requests for bottom Astarion on my patreon which is why I was kind of on a roll there for a minute.
Though, for the record - I am really not very invested in strict bedroom roles at all. Or clear and distinct dominant/submissive dynamics. So please don't overthink it whenever there's a switch, no pun intended.
You wanna know how often they smash? Man, I don't know, I guess fairly often considering their lifestyle post-game (very active, often on the road).
Assuming that everyone agrees that sex doesn't have to involve penetration, I'd say once every other day or less, really depends on the circumstances though. DU drow's libido is much higher than Astarion's, but he's not an animal and can hold off fine. Astarion is likely to be pickier in regards to location and how-recently-have-we-bathed status as well.
I keep meaning to draw him, but I have like... A million things I want to do đ so its rough!
BUT you will at least continue to see him in ANE! And I'm sure i'm bound to draw him again in the future.
[MORE UNDER THE CUT]
If you mean in his bhaalist "AU", where he has the red robe and the extra scars, I imagine he would have gotten it through killing Isobel.
I think as a changeling she probably has the ability to just... Transform her hair however she likes at will, right? And based on her attitude plus some lines we get from Sceleritas about her own former-butler, it sounds like she would be really opposed to being serviced in that way, to me at least.
I see her as pretty aggressively independent with the way she operates, which is another factor that sets her apart from DU drow, who really enjoyed lording over the other Bhaalists and making an errand boy out of Sceleritas, to the point where he practically depended on their help to function.
Neither! I wasn't willing to let anyone take either of my eyes in my first playthrough, LOL.
I have since always given the Volo eye to SOMEONE, usually Gale, but I don't consider that canonical. I don't think anyone was desperate enough to let mister frumpy-hat over there ice-pick their eyes out.
He did do them himself. It was a profoundly stupid display he got caught up in because of Gortash. Also, de-handment is kind of a theme in his life, at least inside his head.
I have a comic about it planned for the future ;)
What do you mean, that's canonical to the game and everything! He loves the cuck chair!
He is an angsty 29-year old in denial. Your interpretation is still perfectly accurate.
Hates the guy. Hates when Shadowheart Astarion people joke about him being the Drizzt of his generation. Hates the guy like literally any countercultural weirdo hates Taylor Swift or the Weeknd. If he saw him at the line in the grocery store DU drow would find a way to roll his eyes loudly just so he could notice being an asshole.
Stay tuned, I'm cooking đ§âđł
If you're asking about game strats, badly, LOL. Pretty sure I died twice to her in my first run and it was a rough way of being thrown into "serious" DnD combat.
With the exception of a couple of encounters that just so happened to turn out SURPRISINGLY cinematic, I'm just realizing that I actually don't think too often about how most of the fights went in real-time! I imagine Autie Ethel's in particular wasn't one that DU drow went into of his own accord, probably rather at a companion's insistence. That's as deep as I've thought about that personally.
Now... Back to game strats. I personally try to get a surprise round on her however I can by sneaking and shooting an arrow or AOE in her general location, since she always stands on roughly the same spot while invisible. I have my companions spread about the arena so we can take her clones down as fast as possible, and as soon as I identify who the real Ethel is I just have the strongest martial characters wail on her until she begs to be let go. Hers is one of the few fights that is actually pretty dang easy at this point for me - and I SUCK at this game.
That would certainly take a while! But, Bhaalist DU drow does kind of have an end goal, actually.
That might also turn into a comic eventually, but it would a rough one.
He pretty swiftly disposed of her, DU drow doesn't like being talked down to, which Minthara very promptly does. Him (and I, by extension) had very limited exposure to her and she was just kind of a speck of dust in his story in particular. Though I have since grown to adore her character in my proceeding runs where I do recruit her!
I guess if he got an invitation and it wasn't particularly painful to arrive at the venue, sure! He would specially love to take Astarion to Gale's wedding ceremony and purposely upstage him at every at every opportunity, LOL.
Yes. He got pretty freaky with the pain-priest. This is gonna sound like a lie but I made him get naked for it without even knowing there was a buff to be gained (I didn't get it, unfortunately, I don't remember whether I failed a check or if I had camp clothes toggled on, so it didn't count as being truly nude). I wasn't taking the game very seriously and just doing dumb roleplay things to see what would happen, LOL.
And I consider that canonical. I think DU drow saw the opportunity to show off his physique And had a strange inkling that this was a practice he was... Somehow familiar with.
Imagine my joy when Astarion and Shadowheart start having a back-and-forth about my absurd display. That's when i knew those were my people, to be honest.
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My Top Damien Quotes
i want him to chuck a water bottle at me â„ïž
âYou are a person that is overflowing with love to give, and that is not too much, that is fucking beautiful.â
âIâm not going to get mad, I just want to know who did this to you.â
âMy fire is a part of me.â
âI can do good. Thatâs all I want to do. I want to help.â
âNow who whimpers?â
âWell if you four would stop teasing me, I could stop doing my best impression of a furnace.â
âI have never felt more flaccid in my entire life.â
âOh, he thinks Iâm funny when Iâm mad? Huxley has no idea what I look like when Iâm mad.â
âCâmon nature boy, letâs get natural.â
âHandsome man [heâs saying this with a :3 on his face you canât convince me otherwise]â
âHuxley, I need you.â
âI want all this anger to mean something.â
âI can walk.â
âYouâre always so gentle with me. With everything. I-Iâm not used to that.â
âBody like yours needs a little worship, you know?â
âYeah. Iâm fine⊠Iâm freaking out.â
âA-are you gonna serve, or what? [heâs too busy gawking at Huxleyâs muscles to realise heâs holding the ball himself, not Hux]â
âThe rolls arenât aerodynamic enough. I canât get enough speed behind them.â
âHuxley seems to think threats are a way I express love.â
âWho. Was. It?â
âIâve gotten pretty good at screaming at walls.â
âYou remember that positive outlook when youâre ripping out your happy trail trying to get dried cum out of it.â
âI spent a lot of nights thinking about all the stuff this body of yours could do.â
âHey. I donât just care about it as a morally wrong action for the sake of it. I care about you. Youâre my friend. A good one. And my friend is hurting, and I can do something about it, so Iâm going to.â
âYou are the person I choose. And Iâm so fucking grateful that youâve chosen me.â
âHe [Huxley] does make it hard to get mad at him, even when he is doing something asinine. Itâs like trying to stay mad at a puppy. Just doesnât feel right.â
âThe bearâs cute⊠For the record though, youâre the only teddy bear I need.â
âIâm made of tough stuff too Hux⊠and I like it roughâŠâ
âAll I can think about is worshipping this incredible body of yours.â
âItâs all yours.â
âGod I love how big your hands are.â
âI donât whimper [proceeds to whimper]⊠only with you.â
âPick me up. Turn us around. Press me into the wall. And fuck me.â
âYeah weâll see how great you think I look when I set your hair on fire.â
âJust because I usually want you to top, doesnât mean I donât love your ass.â
âI wanna feel every fucking inch of this monster.â
âUgh I laid down on your cum and Iâm pretty sure weâre glued together now.â
âAll mine huh?â
âHuxley. Fuck me. I wanna cum with your cock buried inside me all the way to the base.â
âIâll trade you goofballs.â
âCute glasses.â
Honourable Mentions (Non-Canon)
âIâve had friends before. Iâve never had a friend that I felt as close to as I do to you.â
âYou feel good. Except your hairâs trying to go up my nose.â
âFuck. God, you drive me crazy with just a touch. Just a look, honestly.â
âNow gimme.â
âIf you wanna know which one Iâd prefer, ask me. Directly.â
âDo you think this is what they meant when they say âLight a fire under your assâ?â
âYes, Iâd say my fire likes you very much.â
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DRIVING LESSONS â JESS MARIANO
based on a request
masterlist
pairing: jess mariano x reader
description: you shouldâve known that asking jess to teach you to drive would be a mistake if you actually wanted to learn to drive.
warnings: swearing. other than that just flirty teasy jess mariano which is my fav thing.
authorâs note: thanks for this request eeeek i love it so much im sorry it took so long to get out. i hope you enjoy! itâs pretty short but short n sweet !
âââ
âYâknow, I should be charging you for this.â
You rolled your eyes, hands firmly on the steering wheel as you turned briefly to shoot Jess a stern glare, âWe only just got in the car, Mariano.â
âYouâre right, Iâd charge by the hour. Weâll see how you go,â he teased, before one-by-one explaining the mechanisms of the car that you needed to know to get started, âThink your pretty little brain can remember all that?â
You scoffed, âMy pretty little brain can handle it just fine. Might wanna tone down the condescension, big guy.â
âI have been working out, Iâm glad youâve noticed,â he flexed his arms for a moment and licked his lips as you rolled your eyes, âBig, huh?â
With a shake of your head, you pressed your palms against the steering wheel almost exasperatedly, âYour ego is, yeah.â
Jess just smirked, lowering his arms and folding them across his chest.
He looked out at the empty parking lot surrounding you for a moment and then back across at you, âYouâre cute when youâre pissed off with me.â
âAre you going to teach me to drive or just flirt with me, Jess?â
He quirked his eyebrow, âMen can multitask too you know? See, while you juggle learning to drive and glancing over to ogle at me, I can teach you to drive and make you blush.â
Before you could stop yourself you glanced up at the rear view mirror, catching sight of the fact that he wasnât lying â your face was stained a deep crimson.
âAgain, surprised you can fit in the car with the size of your ego,â you mumbled, eyes on the parking lot again as you avoided meeting his.
He laughed, âOr my big arms, huh?â
âHas anyone ever told you that youâre the most annoying person on the planet?â you huffed, narrowing your eyes at him as amusement continued to spread across his features.
He contorted his face into an expression of mock horror, âMe? Never! Most intelligent, sure. Most handsome, maybe. Annoying? Doesnât ring a bell.â
You pulled the handbrake and switched off the engine completely now, hands still gripping the wheel as you shifted your body to look at him fully.
Your expression was challenging him.
You were getting absolutely nowhere, and the flustered feeling flitting through your body at every moment of this conversation wouldnât help even if he was multitasking.
âShall we just save the lessons for another day? Iâve had a long day anyway,â you frowned, heaving in a deep sigh as he shook his head dramatically.
His brows had raised to give off the look of an unimpressed school teacher, tutting as he crossed his arms, âGiving up so easily? My, my, Y/N, here I thought you were resilient.â
âI put up with you on a regular basis, Mariano, Iâd say Iâm pretty fuckinâ resilient alright,â you huffed, growing only more irritated by his ever present smirk, âIâm not driving another inch right now.â
âSuit yourself,â he shrugged, leaning to open the car door and get out, which left you scowling.
You were so flustered youâd entirely forgotten that heâd driven you out to the empty parking lot you were currently sat in, and he was getting out to switch sides with you.
âI know you like me, babe, but I canât sit on your lap to drive you home,â he teased as he rounded the front of the car, opening your door, âYou gettinâ out or do you just wanna waste time so you can stay in my company?â
You scoffed, âLike youâre just going to drop me home. Fifty bucks says you drive us to the diner so you can loiter âround me all evening.â
âFifty bucks, hey?â
âOh get lost, Mariano.â
It was his turn to scoff now, âLike thatâs what you want. You wish Iâd loiter around you.â
You stepped out of the car with a shake of your head, your arm brushing against his as you slipped past to walk around to the passengers seat.
You tried to ignore the jolt of electricity in your veins at the contact, but you could tell that heâd noticed your briefly widened eyes.
The smirk on his face only grew.
âHome it is,â Jess feigned a sad sigh, âIâll go piss Luke off and eat my body weight in fries all alone.â
âWhoâs desperate for whose company now, huh?â
Jess shrugged, a teasing tight-lipped smile on his face, âOh, still you. Iâm just saving you from having to get all red faced and stuttery when you beg me to come inside when I drop you home.â
âYou wish.â
âNo, I know. But like I say, Iâm a gentleman.â
You nudged his shoulder. âOh sure. Such a gentleman you canât even actually tell me you like me â which you so blatantly do â and choose good old fashioned teasing instead.â
He looked offended for a moment, turning to face you and leaning against the steering wheel with a pout, âAm I that transparent? No shit, Sherlock. Itâs called flirting and as weâve established itâs reciprocated.â
âWell at what point are you going to do something about it?â
Jess tutted, âAt what point are you going to do something about it?â
You sat silently for a moment, completely still except for both of your eyes flitting between each otherâs eyes and lips.
âFine, I concede,â Jess raised his hands up in surrender, shaking his head, âBut only because I think I might pass out if I donât kiss you right now.â
You smirked, leaning forward for a moment, âOh, donât tempt me to reject you with a promise of temporary peace.â
âYou wouldnât dream of it,â he licked his lips, hand reaching up to curl around your chin, âNot when you feel the exact same, huh?â
You drew in a sharp breath, the touch of his hand pricking goosebumps on your skin.
Obviously he was right, and there was no way you could handle going even another second without kissing him.
You leaned into his touch, lips meeting his with the urgency of all of the pent up passion of just how long youâd been waiting to kiss him.
The console between you was a frustrating obstacle, but one you were both more than happy to deal with in this moment.
A few minutes of frantic kisses and sweet nothings later, you finally pulled back and Jess readied himself to start the car almost immediately, biting his lip to hide the smirk returning.
âNo offence, Jess, but I think I should get a real teacher if I actually want to learn to drive,â you bit your lip, watching him laugh.
He shrugged, âNo, I get it. Hopefully your next teacher isnât so ruggedly and distractingly handsome so you can focus.â
âRuggedly handsome?â you scoffed, âAnd itâs you who was distracted, sir. What was it you said⊠you might pass out if you didnât kiss me?â
He huffed in surrender, âArenât you just lucky your dream guy is such a romantic poet?â
âSure,â you snorted, âA pleasure to be your muse.â
He leaned over to kiss the corner of your lips once more, a small gesture that sent your stomach aflutter with butterflies.
It felt almost reassuring â like he was asserting that this wasnât just him being a horny teenager wanting to make out with you, but that he had actual feelings.
âBack to your castle, princess?â he joked, immediately wondering whether he was pushing his luck even though he was teasknf, âIâm kidding, Iâm kidding. Weâll go to Lukeâs.â
You hummed, shaking your head for a moment as he turned to narrow his eyes at you before pulling out of the lot.
âIâm not making out with your uncle watching, you perv,â you rolled your eyes with a small laugh, âLetâs go to my place.â
His grin widened again, his foot on the ignition and his eyes on the road immediately.
âYour wish is my command.â
âââ
thanks so much for reading! as always, please let me know what you think <3 i hope you enjoyed â and if you want to read more of my stuff, hereâs my masterlist
#jess mariano#gilmore girls#jess mariano x reader#gilmore girls imagines#gilmore girls imagine#jess mariano x y/n#jess mariano imagine#jess mariano imagines#jess mariano x you
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Im have too many gojo thoughts in my head, so I'll just send them! (^_^ take all the time you need to replied/write im very patient!)
Ok ok soo dad!gojo is in my head 24/7 so maybe the reader and gojo take little gojo to the Aquarium!! Gojo with a min him is so cute to me đđ
Ahhh omg this SO cute!!!! Dad!Gojo would definitely be fun... we get a few glimpses here and there with him and Megumi so let's throw a mini Satoru in the mix and see what kind of chaos/cuteness occurs at the aquariumđ€ Thanks so much for this amazing request and for your patience, I appreciate it!!đ«¶â€ïž sorry I was gone for so long but I hope you love this!!
Go(jo)ing to the Aquarium
Fluff
Dad!Gojo x gn!reader
Warnings: none
*Just fyi I'm using y/c/n to signify your child's name!
"Dad! Dad, hurry up! I wanna see the fish!"
You snickered at your impatient child, taking hold of her hand. "Calm down, y/c/n, Dad's going as fast as he can." You turned to Gojo, who was busy pulling out his wallet to pay for admission. "You heard the girl. Hurry up. The water will be evaporated from the tanks by the time you're done here."
Gojo pouted as he handed over his credit card to the employee. "No fair, you always take her side."
You smirked. "She's cuter."
Gojo turned to your daughter. "Your other parent is a meanie. I wouldn't listen to them all day if I were you."
"Satoru!" you exclaimed, lightly swatting at his arm. "Don't encourage her. She already takes after you enough."
"Fish! Fish! Fish!" your daughter chanted as Gojo held onto the admission tickets, walking further into the building.
"Fish! Fish! Fish!" he joined in, causing you to send an apologetic look to the employees and other visitors for the two children you were in charge of.
"Where to first?" you asked your family, and they quieted down as they thought long and hard.
"Turtles!" y/c/n said after a minute of silence.
"Turtle exhibit it is then. Do you have the map?" you asked Satoru.
"Pssh, who needs a map? I see it all, remember?" he said, pointing at his blue sunglasses playfully.
"We're at an aquarium, Satoru, not in a domain. A map will do just fine."
"Have it your way," he replied, putting his hands up in surrender. He then squatted down to talk to y/c/n. "While they read the map, wanna look at the starfish over there?"
Y/c/n nodded enthusiastically and your husband and daughter ran off together. You couldn't help the smile that overtook your face as you observed them from afar. Sure, Satoru was a total goof-off, but you had to admit, he was a pretty cool dad. He was always fun and rarely strict, but he knew when to be serious, which made his childlike demeanor much more bearable. Although you joked around about it a lot, you were truly happy that your daughter was becoming more and more like him every day.
"Alright you two, I found the turtles. Shall we head that way?"
Your daughter nodded and Satoru took her hand, letting you take the lead. When you got to the turtle exhibit, you let y/c/n explore a bit on her own, as long as she stayed in sight and out of trouble.
"She's really something else, isn't she?" you mused, slightly leaning against Satoru.
"She's hilarious and headstrong. Takes after another amazing person I know."
"You're so humble, Gojo."
"I wasn't done," he said, nudging you softly. "Y/c/n is also extremely smart, passionate, and strong."
"Those still sound like traits of yours."
Satoru looked at you, his pink lips forming into a gentle smile. "Mm, I was thinking that sounded like another amazing person I know. Somebody by the name of y/n. Sound familiar?"
"Doesn't ring a bell." You pretended to think hard. "But they do sound pretty cool."
"They're the best person I know," he declared certainly. You swore you could've kissed him right there in the middle of the crowd, but you held back, instead opting to grab his hand and kiss the back of it.
"Let's go. I think y/c/n wants us to see something."
Your daughter was frantically waving you over.
"We're coming honey," you called out. "What would you like to show us?"
"Look! There's three turtles swimming together. They're a family, just like us."
"Yeah, they are, aren't they?" said Gojo, wrapping one arm around y/c/n and the other around you. You all stood quietly for a few brief moments, watching the turtles, until y/c/n broke the silence.
"I wanna see jellyfish!" she declared.
"Me too!" said Satoru. "But I wanna touch some manta rays first!"
"Jellyfish!" demanded y/c/n.
"Manta rays!" Satoru asserted indignantly.
"Don't worry kids, we have plenty of time to do both," you replied with a teasing smile. As your two favorite people ran off ahead of you once more, your heart swelled with love.
#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x reader fluff#gojo x y/n#satoru x reader#satoru x you#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk fluff#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader fluff#dad!gojo#dad!gojo x reader#jjk x y/n#jjk x gender neutral reader#jjk x gn!reader
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oh, absolutely. and i think we have a ton of agency as fans to create the exact version of these characters that we want based on the huge amount of writing thatâs been done about them! iâm all for people picking and choosing what they want for their own personal versions of things. i think mainly for me, where the issue of âis this the puppet or the puppet master talking/actingâ can come up negatively is in the posts people make wherein the poster wants to convey that they feel their chosen ideas about the characters are the âreal ones.â
a lot of people really enjoy explaining dick or jason or whoeverâs ârealâ characterization (myself included!) to an audience. the problem is that these explanations are always going to be personal to the writer of the post based on what parts of canon they personally want to vibe with and which parts they donât. is jason secretly a natural redhead with an acrobat background? thatâs been canon. does dick have a living aunt who stays at the manor with everyone? thatâs also been canon. would dick angrily deny that bruce is his âfather?â heâs done that on the page. would he instead directly call him âdad?â heâs done that too. does tim still have a spleen in some universe? who knows!
so mostly i think a lot of fans need reminding that sometimes your fav did the thing because the writer wanted them to, and itâs valid for other fans to see that behavior as âout of characterâ (because often, based on the characterâs previous behavior, it kind of is.) itâs also valid to like what the writer had them say and to feel like it IS in character (hey, sometimes the writer is course correcting back to a previous characterization, or something similar.) but we all have to live with the fact that, for example, while fan 1 thinks itâs very in character for dick to angrily want to âget out from under bruceâs shadow,â fan 2 can think itâs OUT of character because of the fact that it was an editorial mandate for him to go and lead his own team and be in other books aside from batman. itâs frustrating for all of us, i think, to talk about some aspect we love or hate in a character here, and to then have someone else come along with a bunch of comic frames from various continuities to explain how youâre wrong.
i just think itâs good for the fandom overall to try to keep in mind that this is a tremendously fragmented space, and that thereâs a difference between âhe would/would not say thatâ and âhe did/didnât say it, but it seems like he did/didnât say it for reasons outside of his usual feelings or perspectives.â this isnât to say that i totally frown on, like, gentle fanon correction where itâs doable, or that i think talking about all the wild canons that have existed is bad or anything. i just think people get VERY assertive about things that are personal preferences in these characters, and iâve had people insist that i âmustâ accept character takes that are still just personal interpretations, and it gets old. itâs definitely a fine line between fanon and âcanonâ sometimes, but i think people focus down too hard on whatâs the âcorrectâ canon sometimes. there are absolutely core qualities of these characters i think most of us agree on as âreal,â but a lot of the window dressing is more complicated than that, and it doesnât always exist because it was a natural path for the character at the time.
something i keep wanting to articulate about comics fandom, and characterization of comics characters, but i never quite feel like i have the right wording: sometimes a comic book character does something because the author wanted them to.
like, itâs things like two male characters being physically violent with each other when theyâre emotional, or a character leaving their previous status quo for a new one, and similar stuff. batman and nightwing get physically violent with each other several times because frankly cis male writers often consider violence to be the ultimate form of male emotional outlet, whether it really would or would not be those particular charactersâ actual reactions. nightwing wanted to âget out from under batmanâs shadowâ because editorial wanted him to so they could run him as a main hero instead of a sidekick. itâs things like that.
i think a lot of the endless essays and arguments about âcorrect characterizationsâ that circle back to âhere on the page you can see the character saying/doing that very thingâ are often hollow and kind of inept with this awareness that some character actions are directly invented by writer and editorial desire. of course nightwing âcanonicallyâ said this kind of dopey and contradictory thing about himself - his current writer specifically has an agenda to write him that way. of course suddenly batman will talk about how jason todd was âalways violentâ (he wasnât) and âangryâ (also factually untrue) because editorial wants the character to have a specific foundation for his current all over the place behavior.
like, sometimes these essays come off like you forget there are big white cis male hands up these guys asses at almost all times. sometimes they do things because itâs what theyâd do. but sometimes they do things because a nerdy comic guy with intense daddy issues is making them say and do it. youâve got to learn to separate that a bit before you publish your big screed about how dick/jason/bruce/tim is stupid/evil/abusive/annoying on their own terms, because so often the behaviors youâre mad at them for arenât really natural character arcs and movements, theyâre clumsy behind the scenes puppet fumbling. you have to learn the difference on your own.
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*gay braincell tossing*
Scar:Â Do you have any idea what youâre doing? Grian:Â Why start now?
Grian:Â I love you. Scar:Â I love me too.
Grian:Â I literally cannot believe I let you talk me into this. Scar:Â I literally said âI have an idea,â and you just went along with it without question.
Scar: Snow got me feeling some type of way. Grian: That's hypothermia. Scar: Damn, the paramedics told me it was the magic of Christmas.
Grian:Â Surgery is basically just stabbing someone to life. Scar:Â Please never become a surgeon.
Scar:Â *gets set on fire and screams in agony* Scar:Â Nah, Iâm just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.
Scar:Â Damn, the power went out. Grian:Â Donât worry, I got this. Grian:Â *stomps foot* Scar:Â What-? Grian:Â *Sketchers light up*
Grian:Â We either die free, or die trying! Scar:Â Are those the only choices?
Scar:Â Iâm totally useless. Grian:Â Youâre not totally useless. Grian:Â You can be used as a bad example.
Scar:Â Fellas, I gotta know for science. Is the opposite of red green or blue? Grian:Â Technically a mix of green and blue? Scar:Â So blurple. Grian:Â That's implying you're mixing blue and purple. Scar:Â Would you rather have fucking bleen? MOTHERFUCKING GRUE? Grian:Â You were confusing before but now I'm scared.
Scar:Â Why is it so hard for you to believe me?! Grian:Â ... Scar:Â Oh, right. The lying.
Grian:Â Youâre not jealous, are you? Scar:Â No! Grian:Â Good, âcause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful.
Scar:Â And what did we learn, Grian? Grian:Â Tackling someone isnât the correct response to being asked a simple question.
Scar:Â You know, itâs fine to admit you were wrong. Grian:Â *Sipping their drink after accidentally adding salt* I just like the way it tastes.
Scar:Â You are a solid 11/10. Grian:Â Aw, thank- Scar:Â Which is 1.1 because you look like shit.
Scar: And have you learnt anything this Christmas, Grian? Grian: âŠNot really. Scar: Nothing? Grian: Tell you one thing I have learntâChristmas; ultimately, commercial holiday. Who's the real winner at Christmas? Amazon. they have drones now! Tiny little dystopian slaves delivering iPads and headphones. I ordered a toaster; It was on the doorstep five hours later! Do we need that? It was 4.99! For a toaster! I mean, someone's being exploited there.
Grian:Â Kill him. Scar:Â This is the kind of quality advice I look for.
Scar:Â There are no friends when playing board games. I am here to win.
Grian, texting:Â Scar, will you please go to sleep? Scar, texting back:Â What makes you think you didnât just wake me up? Grian, yelling:Â I CAN HEAR YOU CLAPPING TO THE FRIENDS THEME EVERY TWENTY MINUTES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP! Grian, texting:Â Just a hunch :) You goinâ to sleep soon? Scar, texting:Â Iâm trying Grian, yelling again:Â TRY HARDER I HAVE A 5:45 AM MEETING TOMORROW BITCH Grian, texting:Â Okay, donât stay up too late or youâll be cranky :)
Scar:Â Iâm a masochist, not a loser.
Scar:Â Wow, that was quick thinking on that phony sacrifice stuff. Grian:Â Oh, that was all real. Scar:Â Wait, you were trying to help them kill us?! Grian:Â If Iâm gonna be sacrificed, Iâm gonna do it right.
Grian:Â *spins around in chair ominously* Iâve been expecting y- *chair continues to spin* shit *tries to stop spinning* shit *tries to grab a table to stop spinning* sHIT *falls out of chair*
Grian:Â Iâm not stupid, you know. Scar:Â Well, youâre doing a really good impression of it!
Scar:Â Why do you think I donât like you? I do. I would kill for you. Scar:Â Ask me to kill for you. Grian:Â ...First of all, calm down-
Scar:Â Grian, youâve tried 37 times and youâve failed every time. Give it a break. Grian:Â DO I HEAR âFIRST TRY PART 38?â
Grian:Â I know how this must look but I can assure you we have a perfectly logical explanation. Scar:Â Yeah! Weâre cowards!
Scar:Â *holds a gun out to Grian* Grian:Â I-I don't believe in guns. Scar:Â Well, trust me, they're very real. Now take it.
Scar:Â I owe you one. Grian:Â Thatâs ok. You can just date me and weâll call it even.
Grian:Â I hate you with every inch of my body! Scar:Â Thatâs not a lot of inches.
Scar, to Grian: You drink too much, swear too much, and your morals are highly questionable. Grian: ⊠Scar: You are everything Iâve ever wanted in a best friend.
Scar:Â I need a long word. Grian:Â T-rex but the long one.
Grian:Â I see the red flags, I acknowledge that they're there, and then I completely ignore them.
Grian:Â You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go. Scar:Â Those are wanted posters!
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Second Chances [Touya Todoroki x Reader]
Ëââź That's So True âźâË
"Looking into big blue eyes. Did it just to hurt me, make me cry Smiling through it all, yeah, that's my life."
even villains deserve a lil redemption
Dabi x F. Reader
đïŸ â ïŸ âïž àŒË°đïŸâ§âË âïžâ
âĄđ àŁȘ ÖŽÖ¶Öž.
WC: 1398
I'm sat on my thrifted couch by the window as rain softly beats against the glass. I press play on the voicemail for what feels like the millionth time, the words already burned into my memory, but still, I canât help myself. Maybe this time will be different. Maybe hearing it again will change something.
"Y/N, please come back. What I did was wrong, itâs been months... I canât lose you. The league misses you, too. Toga won't shut her damn mouth about you. Fuck, Iâm so drunk right now... I love you. I know I didnât say it often, butâ"
The sound of Shigarakiâs raspy voice cuts through, sharp and impatient. "What are you yapping about?" he snarls. "Weâve got shit to do, wrap it up."
Dabiâs voice stumbles back in, slurred. "Bye, Y/N. I have to get a new burner soon- Iâll try calling again. Fuck, I know you wonât pick up. You havenât the last dozen times but Iâll try." The message ends with a quiet beep.
Itâs been three months since that call. And by then, Iâd already been gone for seven. Seven months since the night I left himâthe night I left all of them behind. His betrayal, his lies... it was too much. Itâs been almost a year since I stepped away from the league, from the chaos, from the life that almost consumed me and swallowed me whole. A year since I walked out and didnât look back.
Iâm lucky, though. So stupidly lucky. My quiet, lowkey role in the league made slipping away easy, there were no repercussions or police coming after me every time I stepped foot outside. Iâve kept off the radar, built a new life for myselfâa quiet life. I work at a flower shop now, which is insanely different than working as a villain for Shigaraki and the League of Villains, and it smells a lot better too. Iâve even gotten myself a little apartment on the edge of town, cozy, with a window that overlooks a quiet street, and roommate, which is actually just a little calico kitty that I named Cupcakes.
Iâve found peace here. Real peace. But the voicemail keeps pulling at me like a thread that came loose on a favorite sweater, both painful circumstances. And no matter how hard I try to ignore it, I know Dabiâs voice will haunt me forever if I don't talk to him at least one more time, and attempt to get better closure than some shitty drunk voicemail.
I text Giran, the broker that supplies the league with everything, including burner phones. Dabi stopped calling recently, so I assumed he lost my number with the last burner, because knowing him, he wouldn't stop calling just to give me space.
Me: Hi Giran! It's Y/N, I know we haven't talked in a while, but I was wondering if you know Dabi's current burner phone #? đ
He gets back to me almost immediately.
Giran: Y/N!! So good to hear from you, kid, thought you fell off the planet lmao. And yea I can send the number. Giran: ###-###-####
He sends me the number, and I dial it immediately, my hands trembling. After a few rings, Dabi picks up, his voice sounding annoyed. "Whoâs this? And howâd you get this number?"
"Hey, uhm... itâs me, Y/N."
"Y/N?" His tone softens, a hint of surprise in his voice. "Didnât think Iâd hear from you tonight. Whatâs up?"
I hesitate for a moment before speaking. "I just wanted to talk... are you busy?" I can hear a lot of voices in the backgroundâprobably everyone from the League. "If youâre tied up, itâs fine. Itâs nothing important."
"Never too busy for you, doll." His voice shifts, and I hear him step away from the noise, the background chatter fading as he walks off.
The noise in the background slowly fades as he steps away, and I imagine him walking down a hallway, his boots hitting the floor with a slow, deliberate rhythm. The sounds of his breathing and the soft hum of his movements are the only things I can hear now. Itâs strange, this feeling of distance and closeness at the same time.
âAlright, Iâm all yours,â Dabi says, his voice rough but clear now, like heâs giving me his full attention. âWhatâs on your mind, Y/N?â
I swallow hard, staring at the rain outside, the droplets running down the glass, blurring everything in sight. My heart races in my chest, a million thoughts running through my head, none of them making sense. âI donât know,â I admit, running a hand through my h/c hair. âI guess... I just needed to hear your voice.â
âYeah, I figured that.â He lets out a soft chuckle, though it sounds a little strained. âYouâve been gone for a while. Thought you were never gonna reach out.â
âI didnât think I would either,â I reply quietly. âBut... I keep listening to that last voicemail you left. Over and over again. I just... I couldnât stop myself.â
Thereâs another long pause, and I can almost hear the shift in his posture. Maybe heâs rubbing his face, or clenching his jaw. I wouldnât be surprised. Dabiâs never been one for easy emotions. âShit,â he mutters, sounding like heâs been through too much to deal with this. âI shouldnât have left that message. I meant what I said but I wish I said it better, I wasnât thinking straight.â
"It's okay. I liked it." I say softly.
"Really?" He asks, his voice almost in disbelief at me admitting that I enjoy his shitty drunk voicemail despite everything.Â
âYeah,â I answer quietly, feeling the weight of the words settle between us. âIt wasn't like you at all- guess the liquid courage helped a lil, huh?" I laugh dryly, "It was real sweet its own way. I could tell you meant it, even if you were drunk n didnât know how to say it.â
Dabiâs silence on the other end feels heavier now. I can almost picture himâfrowning, leaning against a wall, trying to collect himself. "Fuck," he mutters after a moment, voice low. "I never thought I'd hear you say something like that. But... I'm glad you did."
âIâve been avoiding it,â I admit, my fingers tightening around my phone. "Avoiding you, avoiding everything. But I canât keep running forever."
Dabi lets out a long exhale, like a weightâs been lifted from his chest. "I get it. I know you had your reasons for leaving, and I donât blame you for it. I fucked up." His voice drops a little. "But if Iâm being honest... Iâve missed you, Y/N. More than I ever thought I would."
My heart skips a beat. Itâs strange to hear him speak so plainly, without the usual sharpness in his voice. "Iâve missed you too," I whisper before I can stop myself. The confession catches me off guard, and I quickly add, "But that doesnât mean Iâm ready to just jump back into everything. Things are... complicated."
"I know," Dabi replies, quieter now, as if heâs absorbing my words. "Iâm not asking you to. Iâm just... saying that Iâm here. And Iâm not going anywhere. If you want me to prove it, Iâll prove it."
Thereâs something in his voice now that feels different, a promise without needing the words. A subtle shift in how he speaks to me, less like the cocky villain and more like a person whoâs afraid of losing something he doesnât deserve.
I stare out the window at the rain, a tightness in my chest as I let the quiet wash over me. I know I canât go back to the way things were, but maybeâjust maybeâI can start a new chapter with him, one where weâre both trying, even if we donât have all the answers.
âI donât know how I feel yet,â I say finally, voice soft but steady. âBut... maybe we can try again. Slowly.â
Dabiâs voice is quieter now, but there's an undeniable relief in it. "Thatâs all I need. A chance. We can take it slow."
I lean back against the couch, closing my eyes as I listen to the steady rain and his steady breathing on the other end of the line. For the first time in a long while, the knot in my chest begins to loosen. Thereâs no going back to what we were before, but maybe thereâs still a chance for something else.
"Alright," I whisper, a faint smile tugging at my lips despite myself. "Letâs see where this goes."
đïŸ â ïŸ âïž àŒË°đïŸâ§âË âïžâ
âĄđ àŁȘ ÖŽÖ¶Öž.
#dabi#boku no hero academia#mha#mha x reader#my hero academia#league of villains#shigaraki#touya todoroki x reader#touya todoroki#dabi x reader#lov x reader#lov mha#touya x reader
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Sing, O Muse
Achilles is standing in his room, a scroll in his hand. He has a look of utmost concentration on the page, so much so he doesnât notice Zagreus walking in, though his cheeks are strangely pink as his eyes scan over the words. He raises an eyebrow, then blinks a few times at whatever he has just read, at which point he notices Zagreus in the doorway. He coughs once, tossing the scroll to the desk.
âInteresting reading you have here, lad.â
Zagreus feels his own face begin to flush. Oh, no. Oh, no no no no no. âDusa gave it to me,â he blurts out.
Itâs not a lie. It is true of the scroll Achilles was just reading. It is not true of two of the scrolls now underneath it on his desk, which are written in his own hand. Blood and darkness, Thanatos was right about him needing to clean his room.
âI see,â Achilles says, though now his eyes have wandered to the poster of him Zagreus has on his wall, and he wants to die. It wouldnât do much, because heâd only come back about twenty meters away, but getting skewered by Theseus would be less embarrassing than this moment.
âDid Patroclus, umâŠâ Achillesâ brows furrow even deeper somehow. âDusaâs never met him, has she?â
âNo,â Zagreus says, and for some reason Achillesâ flush grows deeper.
âThere are some very fine descriptions of him in that,â he says with a gesture to the scroll.
âDusa has a way with words.â
There is an awkward pause in which Zagreus wishes with every bone in his body that Achilles would just tell him why heâs here and then leave his room and then immediately suffer a bout of amnesia, and in which Achilles does nothing at all.
âThe muses,â Achilles says suddenly, but then he stops. âWell, they told meâŠâ His eyes search the floor of Zagreusâs room. âI died before any of the songs about me were written, you see.â
âOh.â
âWell, there were some songs, among the men, but not the promised immortal poetry.â
âI donât think this counts asââ
âIâve tried not to think about it much, what they would write about me, what the living people up there right now must think of me. I donât even know how much time has passed, but immortal is forever, so the muses must⊠well, they must inspire as they see fit, I suppose.â
Both of them turn to look at the scroll sitting on Zagreusâs desk. Zagreus has never met the muses, so he doesnât know if they like stories that involve two childhood friends now grown, dressed in torn, thin chitons while stranded in a cave after a surprise flooding cut them off from the rest of the army, tenderly washing each otherâs wounds, caressing each other with the reverence of ostensibly unrequited love until one leans in with bated breath, then the other, both of them filled with such longing and such fear that once their lips finally do touch, they canât help but make passionate love on the cavern floor, which, in Zagreusâs experience, would not be very pleasant on the knees and seems like a terrible risk for magma, but in Dusaâs writing comes off as desperately hot, so much so he canât stop thinking about inviting Thanatos to Asphodel with him. Zagreusâs story club seems to like those stories, though, so perhaps he could get Hermes to send an invitation to the muses and see if any would like to visit.
âWould you like to keep it, sir?â
Achillesâ eyes widen as he looks at Zagreus dead on for the first time since Zagreus walked in the room. He protests that he couldnât possibly, but Zagreus insists, âMaybe Patroclus would like to read it, too. Itâs only fair, I think, given that itâs about him as much as itâs about you, sir.â
Achillesâ cheeks grow pink again. âThatâs a very kind offer, lad, but I wouldnât want to deprive you of your⊠reading material.â
âOh, I wouldnât worry about it, sir, Iâve got lots of others to read, and Dusaâs already working on the sequel and Iâm sure sheâll share it next week at ourââ
Zagreus cuts himself off before he reveals that half the House gathers to talk about Achillesâ shapely legs and Patroclusâs hairy chest in all sorts of contrived scenarios. Itâs not only them in the stories, but currently those are Zagreusâs favorites.
âJust how many people have read this?â Achilles asks, his voice strained.
âNot many,â Zagreus hedges. âA normal amount, I think.â
âRight.â
In a smooth movement, Achilles slips the scroll off the desk and tucks it away somewhere on his person. âI think Iâll take you up on that offer after all, lad,â he says before striding out of the room.
âWill you want to read the sequel, too?â Zagreus calls after him.
Achilles doesnât acknowledge him, walking purposefully away before fading from view, a blue flash indicating he has made his way to Elysium.
Later, on some day or night, a new scroll lies on Zagreusâs desk. He unrolls it to find Achilles has written âHe insistedâ in a script so tight, Zagreus wonders if he didnât snap the quill. Beneath that is a long list of what appears to be critiques written in Patroclusâs hand, including parts of Achillesâ body he believes were overlooked and underappreciated and the adjectives he personally would use to describe them, though a couple of those are blotted out, presumably by the messenger, as well as positions he thinks would be better-suited to making love on a cavern floor.
Zagreus glances at his door. Heâd been planning on going back out there, in part because Eurydice has been waiting for him to finish Dusaâs latest story and heâs finally finished it, but at the very end of his very long note, Patroclus had suggested a shipwreck on an uninhabited island as a potential new setting for getting the heroes to admit their love for each other, and now heâs having so many thoughts about that he thinks heâll explode if he doesnât write them down this instant.
Zagreus sits at his desk, takes a long look at the poster of Achilles on the wall, and picks up a quill.
#hades game#hades game fanfic#feels so nice to sit down and write something stupid#btw meg is definitely in the story club#I imagine Orpheus joins in too#patrochilles#barely
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Her smile couldn't be contained watching as he stood centimeters from her. Hiding how she felt and what she anticipated was not possible in any way or form. Laurel's eyes fluttered shut upon feeling those soft, lovely lips she had been hooked on from the start. "High praise, and you say I'm the one with the flirting skills," she teased, her hands cupping his face before pulling him in for a kiss of her own. The last two have been initiated by him, it was high time she give one to him. It's all she'd been thinking about for the last two weeks. "Hey, that night was great. No apology needed. I understand family, I just got it all mixed up. That's so sweet, being so close to your little sister." She zipped up her lips, "You're a great brother, and don't worry, I'll keep your secret." He had mentioned that last time, with that same sad tone. Chicago really was home, it seemed. "Well, for what it's worth, Austin is not that bad. It grows on you for sure, but don't say goodbye to Chicago. You never know where life could take you." Laurel was giddy at the thought of him meeting Julia and Aaron. Julia will be thrilled, especially when she was already such a big fan. "Wait, that's great! I love it, I'll let them know meeting you has made it to the itinerary."
It hadn't occurred to her that her answers had a deeper meaning somewhere in there, but she had said she was an open book. "I'll hold you to that," she said with a smile, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. His question had thrown her off for a second. "Yeah. My mom, when she was still around. She was always going on and on about being a bit much, which is fine. It makes sense, I suppose. It helped me learned to tone it down." Though, she supposed toning it down was debatable. "Really? You'd learn with me. That would be so much fun, and we'd get a new skill out of it. Hopefully, some good food too." The thought was intriguing - her mind already trying to think of how could they make this work. Maybe borrowing her dad's kitchen, because the communal kitchen in the dorm buildings wouldn't cut it. "True, but it's all you at the end of the day. Pretty green eyes," and just like that - new nickname unlocked.
Laurel happily listened to him talk about his family. Usually, the family talk bummed her out, only reminding her of the odd mess she had. But, hearing him was a breath of fresh air. His family just sounded so sweet, full of love. Hearing that kind of love envelop him comforted her, especially when she thought back to the melancholy in his tone now. "Fooled me, or drew me in?" Wasn't it all about perspective? "Both of them like dancing, sounds like I need to thank them for their hard work teaching you. So, you're a snow over heat kind of guy?" Yet, he ended up here. How amusing. "That sounds so relaxing, cabin for holidays. You'll have to let me know how it goes. To Aspen? Unfortunately, no because you make it sound so fun. When we did vacations, my mom was always picking the places, and it was New York or Paris. I was also a kid, so it was a lot of following her around during shopping trips and then spending time with some random caretaker while they went out. Once it became my dad and I, then we tried visiting the Grand Canyon and sprained his ankle, so vacation cut short. But, his job keeps him busy too, so vacations are not too fun." He did try though, and that effort was everything to her. "Oh, true. Nerdy can be hot though, still doesn't matter if it's others' favorite hobby. Just yours. A self-help book, to teach others to flirt with you? No, thank you. I'll politely decline," she joked with a wink in his direction.
Something in common made her feel excited, eager to discover what else they could have in common. The possibilities seemed endless, which only made it better. "Random hobbies, huh? I mean, I'll try anything once really," that was said with a shrug. Her curiosity had a tendency to lead her to the most odd roads. "Are you trying to test my knowledge? Maybe so, or maybe I don't, but I could just throw random moves together and you wouldn't even know the difference. I'd have to dig the pom poms out of retirement," she laughed at the thought, though her attention was drawn back to his words. Laurel had never thought of silence that way, but there was no way to say that without it sounding pitiful. "The first one sounds familiar, but I guess I haven't had much of that second option. It could also be because I can never be quiet." Deflecting with jokes, a fine option. "You are just checking off all my boxes - cooking classes and stargazing, I am too lucky. I will be taking you up on that offer! I don't need the facts, just the company." His company, more specifically. "Yes, sounds like a plan. I still need to see these awesome blankets you hyped up earlier." They'd covered a decent amount of things already in the getting to know you trail, but she was quick to think of other things. "Okay, favorite color and what's one place, anywhere in the world, that you've always wanted to visit?"
Eli smiled and sighed as he chewed his lip before getting up off the chair to be centimeters away from her face. That almost mischievous childlike smile displayed as he brought her chin up with his fingertip and pressed a fleeting but warm kiss on her soft plump lips. "I don't think kissing you would ever disappoint me." He situated himself back on his chair and wrapped his ankles around the legs of the seat. "The saddle night was a good day. I'm sorry it got cut short. My little sister needed me and if you ever meet her, you'd see why. She and I are really close. She's my best friend. Just don't tell my brother and sister," he chuckled making his eyebrows crease. "Our little secret." The thought had crossed his mind once but ended up deciding that it was best if he didn't. "I wanted to but I think I'm going to stay or find some place to settle that would still be a flight away from them. I think I exhausted my time in Chicago." A sort of melancholy took over his voice saying that out loud. Her excitement was contagious and it made him nod. "I'd love to meet your best friends. That's a genuine feeling because I don't normally like to meet people." The bribery bit had him smile at her. He did wonder what she'd have up her sleeve.
"Don't worry about that. I don't deem you too much. Has anyone ever deemed you to be too much?" His curiosity had gotten him to ask the question. Otherwise he didn't think she'd have hesitancy over being known. "Realism isn't a bad thing. Though it's good to have a balance." he hummed and nodded. "We can learn together. I know a few things but the kitchen isn't really my forte. Eating is though. I wouldn't mind learning together and coming up with different recipes to try." It was a nice thought. Laurel and him in the kitchen making something and having fun. Not paying too much attention to the exact recipe just winging it at times. He smiled as they fluttered one quick time and shook his head. "I'll proudly take the title then. I don't know who to thank. Mom or dad could have had green eyes. Who knows."
"I fooled you with my subpar dancing skills. Mama P used to love to be twirled so every chance we got we used to twirl her. So she'd take us around the kitchen to dance. It was Papa P who used to teach us how to lead." The last time he skiied was last Christmas. The last holiday that was normal. "Not since last year. It was a family trip. I've got a picture of that time in my dorm. I love the snow. It's a magical place and would love to go back. Maybe rent a cabin and spend the holidays there." A dream he knew that couldn't be made reality since he didn't have the funds to actually do it. At least not yet. "Have you ever been?" He shrugged his shoulders and cleared his throat. "Some people deem readers dorky and nerdy. So, it is not everyone's favorite hobby." She was cute when she laughed and her eyes sparkled with that joy. "It has worked. You have charmed me. Maybe now you should write a self help book on how to flirt the right amount."
"A one person type huh? Seems like we've got that in common." The smile he threw her was one that was half amused. "Cheerleading and tennis? Consider me more than intrigued. Do you still remember your cheer routine?" He'd wait until later to let her know he was one of the few cheer guys at the bottom of the pyramid. She didn't need to know that right now. "Silence isn't all bad. It depends on the person you're with. If they're using silence as a means for punishment then yeah that is not good. But if you're sitting in silence with someone who makes it safe and warm then you'd find it's also very fun. As for stargazing we should go sometime? I can't say I'll be full of facts but maybe I'll end up surprising you." Just then their food arrived and he grabbed it. "Shall we head back to the room?"
#DON'T MAKE ME CRY RIGHT NOW đđđđ not all silence being bad!!!#she will be learning that with him!!#babygirl being copy paste is the biggest menace since he came into her life#isa is watching very very proudly!! he is so so happy for him#pls i'm so so amused rn..he was in cheer too..cracking up!
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No spoiler personal and honest opinion about Dragon Age the Veilguard
[đ]
Battle is really fun. Even though I love DAO, Iâm not typically a fan of tactical combat, and this might be the first DA game where I actually enjoyed the battle.
I like the expanded companion quests. I loved Lucanis' the most.
Semi-realistic comic style works better than Iâd expected. The visuals and animations were solid overall, at least for me (still thinking about how Lucanis looked at Rook in that romance scene đïžđïž). Except for the heavy filters and flashy effects; those were a bit much.
[đ]
Too much repetition. The game recaps constantly, which becomes dull. Like they worried old DA fans wonât remember what just happened a minute ago.
Romance isnât big compare to previous games. Honestly feels like the weakest romance content of any DA game (well I only remember how much I loved and giggled so much in the old games). Maybe itâs because events in this game unfold so quickly? Just don't expect the same level of content as in DAI. Though, this is just my issueâif you donât care about romance, itâs fine.
Unfinished story potential. Thereâs good material here, but it feels half-done. A shame... really.
Choices feel fake. You get three dialogue options, but theyâre just slight tone variations of the same line. If you like to playing a jerk in BioWare games, you might be disappointed.
Inconsistent story details. Iâm not a lore expert and donât remember all the characters, but even I noticed some parts didnât add up wellâalmost like the writers forgot details from past games too so they just brushed them off. Also removing many choices from earlier games didnât help; it only made things more questionable.
Itâs a fun game that I enjoyed a lot and will replay it just to see Solas again, but do I love it as a DA? I'm not sure.
Itâs not about new setting or tone. I was fine with a fresh protag. But now, after finishing this, keeping the Inquisitor as the protag for this end of the Dread Wolf saga wouldâve made much more sense to me. I wouldâve loved to see the old, ragged Inquisitor raging again like in Trespasser, and give a proper farewell to both the Inquisitor and Solas, whether you swore to save him or not. The writing in this game seems just lacking. In any case, I was just glad to see Solas again and listen to him talkingđ Gareth really nailed it again. The emotion in his voice, I just đ I swear Garrus and Solas can send me with their voice alone. Now, I'll just go and sobbing in the cornerđ
#i don't usually write reviews but I love Solas and DA so much#and it's been 10 years since DAI so#I just had to get this out of my system#random
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https://www.tumblr.com/peachhcs/766558720067043328/httpswwwtumblrcompeachhcs766163417530875904
EMMMMMMM! i know you love cliff hangers you always do them :(((( !!! but like still amazing holy crap
yes yes immediately yes. another part for sure!we need will and sam to finally talk
PART 7!!!! (yes there will be more and as many parts as y'all want this to be) here's also a small moment of will dropping eveyrthing for samy, but it will also be in the next part as well đ
au masterlist
part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6
"hello?" will breathed.
"will?" a wave of relief washed through him when he heard samy's familar voice on the other end.
"samy? h-hi.." he was at a loss for words that he couldn't say anything other than hi despite the million questions running through his brain.
"h-hi. i-i'm sorry this is..i haven't called," samy started and will could hear the edge in her voice which made his heart break.
"let's go boys! on the ice!" coach warsofsky called into the locker room, his loud voice making the blonde cringe and curse to himself because this phone call really couldn't have happened at a worse time.
"shit, are you at practice right now? i-i'm sorry..i totally forgot..i can call back?" samy began when she heard his coach through the phone. shit.
will knew he needed to get on the ice or else warsofsky would make him do lines, but he couldn't just hang up nowânot when he was finally hearing his girlfriend's voice after a day of not hearing anything. plus, he knew one of the reasons samy probably didn't call until now was because she didn't want to distract him from hockey.
"come on, pick it up! pick it up! we have a long practice ahead of us!" warsofsky boomed again as more of will's teammates filed out of the locker room.
fuck it.
will dashed out of the locker room through the other exit. he scrambled into the hallway where he nearly fell over from his skates still on and the blade cover hitting the tile. "no, no..i can talk. i promise. it's good to hear your voice..i-i was worried," will admitted softly, sinking onto the ground where he pulled his skates off.
"y-yeah. sorry. i'm sorry. i should've called. i don't know i didn't. i justâ"
"are you okay? luke told me about your surgery," will cut the brunette off because even though he was upset that she didn't call him, he needed to make sure she was okay first and foremost.
"uh, yeah. i'm okay. just a tendon tear. nothing serious," samy swallowed, glad will couldn't see the anxiety clouding around her while she glanced around the hospital room and luke pretending not to listen.
"a tendon tear is kind of serious..you didn't get up off the field," will said more as a statement.
"i-i..yeah..but i'm fine now. i promise. it just kind of knocked the wind out of me, but i'm fine. i promise," the girl said like she was trying to prove it to herself too.
"i'm glad you're okay. i was really worried about you," his words made samy feel even guiltier, especially because of the soft tone he was using with her even though she expected him to be mad she didn't call sooner.
"i know. i'm sorry. i should've called," the youngest hughes admitted, head hanging low.
"why didn't you?" will asked, his voice still soft which made samy cringe.
"i just..i didn't wanna bother you knowing you're still getting settled into the team and the season..i didn't think it mattered because i'm fine now and it wasn't anything serious like i was dying or something," the brunette admitted again.
"of course it matters. you matter to me. you're my number one priority," his words brought a bright blush to her cheeks.
"you just have so much on your plate..i didn't wanna burden you. didn't wanna..put too much on you and make you run out or something.." samy mumbled the last part and will was pretty sure he felt his heart shatter into a million little pieces hearing her say that.
"you thought i was gonna..leave you again?" the crack in his voice hurt. a lot.
"i dunno..maybe? i didn't wanna.. be too much or something."
the silence engulfed them whole. will pulled a hand through his hair as he struggled to find the right words and samy bit back more tears threatening to escape.
"you know i'd never leave you again, right? i love you, samy. a lot more than i can even begin to explain," finally, will said something while trying to keep his voice from cracking even more.
"i know that."
"you're not a burden to me, i promise. you're the only thing i think about all the time so there's no way you'd be too much for me. if anything, i'm too much for you," his attempt at a small joke made both of them laugh.
"i love you, will. i'm really sorry i was scared to reach out. i guess it's just been hard..trusting again," the brunette mumbled a bit ashamedly and that broke will's heart again knowing samy was still trying to trust him.
before he could respond though, the door next to him burst open and he snapped his head up. macklin stared down at him looking wide-eyed. "there you are, smitty. you gotta get on the ice. coach is looking for you," the brunette rushed out and will knew he needed to go for real this time.
"yeah, okay. i'm on it. tell him i was in the bathroom," will said and macklin nodded as the two hurried back into the locker room.
"i'll call you again, okay? i love you," will said to samy still on the phone.
"yeah, okay. sorry for keeping you. i love you," and that was it. they hung up and the blonde quickly rushed to the rink before he got in even more trouble.
later, while will waited for macklin to finish up his shower, he was on his phone searching plane tickets and the fastest he could get out to michigan. samy's admission earlier broke his heart and he hated she still felt that way, so he wanted to do everything he could to prove to her that she did matter to him and she wasn't a burden.
he found the tickets that would get him out by tomorrow morning and into michigan that afternoon. he glanced up at his teammates and coach's officeâhe'd get killed if he just left without warning for a few days. he probably wouldn't even play.
but will needed to see samy. he needed to prove to her that he's drop everything for her no matter what.
so he bought the tickets in a few quick taps and they were in his email a second later.
#will smith hockey#hughes!sister x will smith au#samy x will#samy hughes#will smith x oc#will smith imagine#boston college hockey#boston college#uofmichigan#umich hockey#will smith hockey angst#will smith hockey fluff#ws6#wsh2#umich#umich wolverines#umich fic#umich blurb#umich imagine#san jose sharks#sjs#sj sharks#nhl#nhl blurb#nhl fic#nhl imagine#nhl hockey#hockey#macklin celebrini#umich soccer
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9-1-1 8x06 Thoughts on the Buck, Eddie, and Tommy of it all
Okay I have like almost no followers, which makes sense because I usually only normally lurk here. I'm also sure none of my followers are into 9-1-1 here, but I just need to scream into the void on the off chance someone sees this. None of my friends watch this show so I really just hope even just one person reads this and makes me feel a little less foolish because a lot of the discourse here is so "us vs them" and black-and-white. This is gonna be obnoxiously long, so I don't expect anyone to read all this, if any of it, but I'll put a TL;DR at the end. I will not be bashing Tommy or Eddie in this post! Also I'm typing while it's late for me and my ADHD makes me a horrible proofreader, so sorry for typos and the such.
I hate fandom drama, I cannot care less about whatever beef bucktommy stans and buddie stans have I've been trying to mostly ignore it. I'm just upset if this ends up being sloppy writing on the 9-1-1 team's part. I'm gonna try to be nuanced about how I felt about 8x06 because I feel like there is a way to do this and not completely screw the writing for either Tommy or Eddie.
Tommy does not have to be endgame, that is fine. I think Eddie is definitely more popular with the fans and plenty of people love a good slow burn. Their chemistry is also undeniable. But plenty of people enjoy Tommy too, despite his cavalcade of haters. And to have thrown away what seemed like a character arc in the making for him seems like a waste if this is the last we see of him? I hear he's going to be in at least one more episode, so I hope they do that justice. I don't need them back together, I just need this to make better sense.
I know people really hate Lou and Tommy, but I'm pretty neutral about him. (Idk how true the very little things I've see about Lou is because I keep hearing he's homophobic, misogynistic, racist, etc. but I have not be able to find any receipts. If it is true, that sucks and I get why they would try to write someone like that out of the show. However, just I'm gonna focus on it from purely a story perspective right now.) I enjoy seeing Buck happy after all the shit he's gone through in his past relationships. I was cautiously optimistic from the interviews that said he was finally "getting of the hamster wheel". But yet again, Buck loves with his whole heart and has his hopes dashed. It would have been one thing if Buck was the one who ended things, but really? This again? He doesn't need his heart broken AGAIN. I don't care who Buck ends up with, I just want him to be happy and secure with whatever partner he chooses.
Why bring back a previously established character who has some growing to do and then throw them away again? Boooo, if they wanted Buck and Eddie's queer awakening arcs to happen separately, and weren't interested in expanding Tommy's character, they should have just set up Buck with random throwaway guy. Otherwise it's just drama for the sake of drama instead of something that's in greater service to the narrative or character writing. Tommy becoming Eddie's friend first especially feels too intentional. Tommy already having established relationships with Hen, Chim, and Bobby feels too intentional.
Tommy's insecure feelings over Buck eventually choosing someone else, likely Eddie, over him is incredibly real and make sense. He's never felt like he's had a place to belong in general. He's jealous of the 118, he's jealous and threatened by Eddie's relationship with Buck. Honestly, I also wouldn't be surprised if Eddie was the one who caught his eye at first because it's not that hard to clock Eddie if we're being honest. It's pretty clear Tommy was baffled that Buck was fighting to get his attention over Eddie's. Why set up this arc and end it before it's even started? If there's a ever a starting point for Tommy to grow, it's right here and now. Otherwise it makes no sense.
At the same time, Eddie's character writing makes ZERO sense if he isn't a deeply closeted gay man (or at least asexual, but that's unlikely, especially with the way they've been positioning Buck and Eddie for the longest, and especially the way they position Eddie and the Hot That whole interaction with the hot priest and the mustache, beard, fruit juice, plenty of metaphor we all picked up on that. Never has an actual straight character said "no offense, I'm straight" like that within the context of the surrounding narrative. Like come on? Denying yourself FRUIT JUICE? Denying yourself joy?? which gay used to be a synonym for? Girl, please. And even with Josh's speech a bit? I think it's obvious enough that it could also be extended to Eddie, even though he's closer to Buck's age. Growing up Catholic is pretty rough for queer people.
On top of the fact that there are plenty of other hints while he did/does have love for Shannon, it was almost always in the context of that she is the mother of his child. He literally had a panic attack over someone mistaking Ana for his wife, and over their relationship starting to get serious. Ana is a lovely lady that most men that are attracted to women would be happy to have... so what's the issue, really? And then he only thinks about staying with her simply because she could be the new mother to his child. Be so for real.
And Eddie honestly has been pretty awful to the women he has dated, and you can either choose to read that as him being a chauvinistic, exploitative pig (doesn't really align with the rest of his character), or someone deeply in the closet who doesn't really want to be with a woman. (yeah, that's sounds more accurate.)
We can reconcile all of this though. Buck more than likely has romantic feelings for Eddie, I think it'd be silly to think otherwise, but even though Buck has figured out who he is, it doesn't mean Eddie has yet. He's made progress, but he has at least a little ways to go left. As far as Buck knows, Eddie is straight in this moment. He's never hesitated to write him off as his "best friend", while Eddie... well, he'll realize he's in love with Buck soon enough.
Still, I feel like it's a bit disingenuous to say that Buck doesn't care about Tommy at all, he is clearly hurt by the break up. At the very least, even if they don't get back together at all, they need to talk this out like adults and have Tommy explain himself better, because it's obvious Tommy has walls from from past experiences. Doesn't make it okay that he did Buck like that, but no one on this show has been perfect so... đ At the very least we should get that one episode from that "See you around, Buck" (Ouch, Tommy. Though I feel like that was more so Tommy distancing himself to Buck to protect himself more than to hurt Buck.) Though just as easily, we might only ever see him here and there again on calls that require air support so who knows. đ€·đŸ
There were some pretty obvious parallels set up between Abby and Tommy this episode. Abby and Tommy were both firsts for Buck, they're both around the same, older age. Both of them are experienced and life and deeply lonely, so how could they possibly turn away someone who has as much love to give as Buck does? Both of them are, seemingly, just stepping stones on Buck's way to self discovery. Buck even says it himself, he calls their relationships "transformative", but obviously because the experiences Tommy has had as an older queer man, he's probably not a stranger to beings someone's flyover until they get to their actual destination. I understand why he would want to protect himself like that.
Even if that's the case, I don't think Buck would want to leave things like this. I know in one of the interviews Oliver says Buck is be heavily considering if he wants to fight for this or not, but at the very least I hope they've shown his growth and showcase his emotional intelligence by calling out Tommy that it's not fair to him to sorta decide how he feels, even if it is Buck's first relationship with a man.
It's far from Buck's first relationship and idk, it feels a little icky to tell the bi person to go fool around a be a slut when he's said that he's tired of sleeping around and wants to settle down. That can just be a character flaw with Tommy (I've met plenty of biphobic monosexual queer people), but at the very least can't Buck call him out on it? Let them have a more mature, complete conversation and let Tommy say the quiet part aloud. At the very least, I get Tommy's intention, he doesn't want Buck to have any regrets, but I don't think he knows just how much he's hurt him and how many times he's been through the situation.
Something really upsetting, even though Tommy has had his problems and hasn't been the greatest person, really sad about any closeted queer person who's been nasty, but much of it came from circumstance, not getting a chance to grow after they literally set that up with the script. Well, you do you I guess. At the very least if Tommy is nothing more than a plot device, couldn't you have let Buck come to conclusion they should break up and give him even an ounce of power in his romantic pursuits for once? Instead of the one loving too hard and too fast and hurting from it? The interview where (I don't remember who exactly) said we wont be seeing much more of Tommy, if at all really annoys me because if this is it? Ugh. That break up didn't feel conclusive at at all.
TL;DR: Wasting a previously established character as a plot device after setting up what seemed like some sort of character arc for him even if he wasn't Buck's endgame seems like really sloppy writing if you decide to discard him back into the obscurity for the rest of the series. It feels like a cheap way to add extra drama and the implications and situations you could create from at least dragging this out a little bit more could create a more satisfying resolution to this at the very least. Why retread old ground again when you said that you wouldn't and waste all the potential you were setting this up with this scenario? It still seems unresolved, so hopefully this tie this up, regardless of who Buck ends with in the end (because the focus really should be on Buck finally getting the love and care that he deserves in a romantic relationship, or at least getting to end one amicably.)
Anyway tear me apart, ignore me, whatever. IDC anymore.
#911 abc#bucktommy#tevan#buck buckley#buddie#buddietommy#911 spoilers#911 show#evan buckley#tommy kinard#eddie diaz#911 on abc
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Round three, of me endlessly yapping on Reverse AU. I am still VERY new to this.. tumblr asking, notes and whatnot, so.. I apologise if I seem somewhat annoying and bothersome Anyway, less 'bout me, more on blondes! I'm going to try spitballing a few ideas there and there, because I don't have ONE big topic/arc to really focus on, so here we go!
1; Armin being captured after his identity is figured out. There are.. three way's of this going, in my opinion. >First, being that they managed to successfully take him down into the tunnels to capture him, possibly after some convincing by Annie, since he trusts her a lot? (Plus, if Armin sticks around to around S3 when they're all in that Cabin, hiding away from the Military Police and all. I think Annie and Armin would be.. somewhat awkward, between each other. Since, she cares for him, a lot and.. betrayed him.) >Second, same scene where his identity is discovered and remains at the top of the staircase, but more or less breaks down because he doesn't know what is right anymore, he cares for his new found friends, the thought of betraying them crushes his heart, so he gives up and surrenders peacefully. >Third, transforms and makes a run for the walls to dip, which could ALSO go multiple ways, but.. I don't really have much on that. 2; Warriors Reveal, though Armin is now in the midst of it. I cannot see Armin ever betraying Paradis Island and trying to capture Eren (a second time, mind you), now that Reiner decided to reveal their identites to the same bloke he tried capturing too - yikes. Armin could very well try making them surrender, in a subtle way so the situation doesn't escalate, nor turn his own comrades against him. So, he tricks them and everyone. Transforming along the other two to capture Eren, only to fight Reiner along with Eren but obviously ending in failure with Bert's Titan crushing them. On one hand, I think Bert would try getting Armin, though Reiner is too focused on the mission, he ditches Armin and makes a run for it.
3; Armin still gets captured by the Opaki, though he saves Annie from being the one to be captured by it. As fun and simple it would be if she was the one to be yoinked, so they couldn't use the power of the Colossal and rescue her, I decided to go differently with this. While Armin does end up getting captured, he isn't terrified that he can't protect his people, that they need him, without him he'll die. No, he's accepting his fate. They have Annie, they can still blow up the Doomsday Titan and they'll all be fine, he may die but will die at least doing something right for them, finally doing something useful after betraying his friends, and putting his life down on the line, as their Commander.
(I also agree he'd still be the next Commander that Hange would put the title upon, so.. it sorta means a lot, like he finally is one of them in some way? - I dunno, spitballing!) But, ahaa.. Yeah, that isn't happening. Annie is not letting that blonde go, despite they have a clear winning shot here, she is not about to let him die. Not now, there is still more to be said to him, with how she feels. So, the mission of saving Armin is once more! AND, to end it off, I like to think he'd still be suicidal and jump for the Parasite to hold it down along with Reiner, even if there's a chance of him dying from the Colossal's explosion.
I apologise having to read this entire shit-show of ideas in your inbox, I doubt I'll do more to not seem too big of a yapper, but we'll see! I hope everything is going well for you, have a wonderful day/night! Now, I depart. Toodles!
Hello, Rux!!
Please, never apologize for sending an ask! I absolutely love hearing your ideas and Iâm very happy to know the reverse AU still resonates with people :D
Okay, now letâs see:
1. I do prefer the second scenario in the staircase scene. Armin at this point has nothing waiting for him back in Marley and as a character he generally prefers ending conflicts with talking rather than fighting so I believe heâd rather strike a deal and resolve this through diplomacy.Â
2. Now for the Warriors reveal⊠we do have to consider that this scene occurs very soon after Arminâs own reveal. Like itâs all happening within three days tops. Thereâs always the possibility that heâs too busy getting interrogated within an inch of his life to even attend these events.Â
Personally, Iâm more curious as to whether Reiner and Bertolt would attempt to convince Zeke to launch an operation to ârescueâ Armin at that point, or write him off as a lost cause. I think thereâs potential for drama and bitterness in both cases. In the first scenario, you have a Reiner who fought to save Armin getting betrayed by someone he considered his friend, while in the second scenario, you have an Armin even more estranged by his peers in Marley, sad and disappointed they never even cared for him.Â
3. Here youâre gonna have to forgive me, because I respectfully disagree.
While Armin and Annie would absolutely act the way you described in the event of Armin getting captured by the Okapi Titan, I donât see why the Founder Ymir would bother to kidnap him. In canon, she only does so because heâs the Colossus and is the only one with the power to stop Eren. So Iâm afraid that our girl Annie would have to be the one getting choked by that tongue⊠(well that was a sentence Iâd never thought Iâd write xD)
As for the Commander part⊠I donât know. On one hand, I do see how meaningful such a gesture would be from Hange, accepting Armin as one of their own wholeheartedly. On the other hand, the idea of an outsider coming in to âsaveâ the Paradisians from their plight and lead them to the truth makes me feel kind of uncomfortable.Â
Personally, because Iâm a useless bisexual with a one track mind, Iâd love to see how Commander Annie could work. At the very least Iâd like to consider the possibility of her assuming a leadership role. Sheâs not an out of the box thinker like Armin in canon, but she is very practical and very decisive when it comes to battle. In another world, raised alongside Eren and Mikasa and not as confined by her father and her circumstances, I can see her developing a keen eye for solutions, maybe not outrageous strategies, but clean simple yet effective and devastating in their consequences plans. Sheâs ruthless, sheâs perceptive and sheâs willing to give up her life to achieve her means.
Honestly? Iâd love to see it explored.
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Altra chose at least to simply sit next to the Tyranitar with a smile. He didn't want to be someone insufferable, climbing onto such a massive Pokémon. Kind of like how his own Pokémon did to him all the time. And sometimes those little claws made their mark, that's for sure. But he was happy to just sit in the sun with the massive Pokémon.
"Garr? That's a nice name." He chuckled. Certainly sounded a lot like Desmond. Especially the eating part. More so he was just happy to listen to Garr talk. Altra often found more comfort in Pokémon, especially hearing things from their side. And it was obvious the big guy cared about his trainer enough to not just stick around. But to protect the place too.
"Second small one?" Altra couldn't help but be curious. "Oh.. does he help others often?" Not thinking much of it really.
"He's been really nice to me, helped show me a few places I could camp, says he's making these gloves that'll let me touch electronic stuff without it exploding. Which.. is super impressive!" He thought only his mom could do those kind of things. But then again.. Altra's world was relatively small and expanding each day.
Albert was more than content with finding a shady place to sleep for now, and Altra didn't want to deal with the chaos of wrangling the other three. Let alone Vic's sanity. One was fine, but all four out?
Altra barely controlled them when he made camp as it was! He didn't need that unleashed. He loved all four of his partners but..
"I dunno, He's pretty big for his species, He's almost 8 feet tall, He's carried me around a few times, mostly if I got caught in a sandstorm." he offered before giving a kid a push to go have fun. "You can let your pokemon out to run around if you like, it should be pretty safe here and if not tyranitar will scare off any idiots," he called to the retreating back. Vicvious smiled as the kid ran off to play, making a note to cook an extra steak for the Pokemon he volunteered to play with the kid, as he entered the house, he was greeted by his weavile watching him and giving him a knowing look. "He's got no one else, Weavile. And I know to be careful, I don't want to hurt the kid. You'll like this one, he's pretty smart." he commented as he put the food away and went about prepping the food, the Weavile let out a sigh and moved to help the man. chopping up vegetables to make a salad.
Outside the large lizard cracked an eye open at the approaching kid and grunted in greeting shifting so the kid could either climb onto his back or curl up against him. "Name is Garr. I like sunbathing and battling and eating. Vic makes good food. Depends on tree size, I throw several good distances, they go farther if I use my Tail to bat them." The Pokemon replied as the kid chattered. "Second small one that Vic brought home, safe here, I'll make sure it stays that way."
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oh nuts. a life experience has given me a new layer of perspective on Cas's homosexual declaration of love to Dean.
recently I had occasion to tell a person I had feelings for them knowing full well they didn't feel even a twinge of the same thing for me. while the whole thing was a decidedly unpleasant experience, I kept laughing at myself internally bc I didn't want to say "the happiness is just in saying it" like fucking Castiel over here. (we don't need to talk about it, it's fine.) (I am happier having said it and it's kind of bullshit, but I digress.)
because the thing is, the happiness isn't in just saying it, right? the happiness is in the having. I made a whole TikTok "proving" that the Empty didn't come for Cas when he confessed his love, but rather when he realized Dean loved him back. even for Cas, the happiness was in the having, not in the saying, however brief it was.
and I've always been one of those people who rolled their eyes at the whole concept. why would the happiness be in just being, in just saying it, if it's right there in front of you to have. and then it hit me like a tonne of bricks (as I was washing my kitchen counters).
Cas really didn't think he could have Dean.
at all. in any capacity. he really, truly, and honestly felt to the depths of himself that Dean did not have any twinge of similar feelings, that this really was a Hail Mary shot-in-the-dark. and I think me, personally, really didn't understand that about Cas. that his belief in his love being unrequited was that unshakable.
something else I've been pondering is how audiences have so much more empathy for fictional characters who share traits that IRL they find objectionable and unappealing. but the thing is about fictional characters is that we follow them around in their most private, vulnerable moments. we see Dean mourning Cas when he dies, literally killing himself because he can't live without him, but it's so easy to forget that we're the omniscient ones here.
Cas never knew.
Dean's whole thing was pushing him away, keeping him at arm's length, making it seem like whatever heroic thing he does for Cas he'd do for anyone. he downplays how important it is for Dean to share the Deancave with him, to show him his favourite movies, share his favourite songs. he acts like the things Cas does for him don't mean that much to hide how much they do mean. he uses "we" whenever he even gets in the vicinity of expressing a feeling. "We were worried." "We're glad you're back." "We needed a win." "You're our brother." The audience knew the difference. We saw how he'd clench his jaw or swallow hard or make a face that said "God, I'm being such an idiot". Because we saw him in those little moments. We got to see the cracks in the mask.
but Cas never knew.
the self-hating angel of Thursday was never going to think it was all a way for Dean to protect himself. obviously, that's the delicious tragedy of it all, but what I think I realized at the end of all that is Cas confessing his love to a Dean who didn't love him back wouldn't have worked. Because the happiness really is in the having. If happiness was just in saying it, then The Empty would have come before Cas even finished getting the words out of his mouth.
so Cas's plan wouldn't have worked if Dean didn't love him back.
this is just me yapping on about my own nonsense, but I do think it's really interesting. there's contentment in "just saying it". there's freedom and relief and an unburdening. I think one can argue that it makes being happy in the being easier. there is certainly some joy in telling a person you think that highly of them. but true happiness?
nah.
true happiness is always going to only be in the having. Cas didn't understand the difference until he experienced it, and by then, it was too late.
#beautiful and poignant messages in the 2005 CW cult classic dark fantasy show supernatural that they did by accident#like they literally showed how wrong cas was to believe that happiness ISN'T in the having aaaand qed dean loved him back#spn meta#destiel meta#castiel meta#mine.txt#destiel#supernatural meta#spn#supernatural#meta#messy thoughts#lol sorry for the tmi but i needed the lead up okay#i'm fine i knew#i was very much cas in this situation no hope of any other outcome#only he was wrong lmao#I think the way Cas scrunches up his face after Dean's 'don't do this Cas' is almost like that bittersweet regret.#that 'oh. if only we had known this sooner. if only it wasn't too late now.'#AND IT'S A LOT YOU GUYS#i do wonder if cas wouldn't made a different plan with different information#personally i don't think he'd've gone out like that if he understood that dean loved him too#like he saw the love in his eyes. but part of me thinks it was relief that this didn't make dean hate him.#but sometimes it's just bad writing and we can't ascribe conscious thought to an out of character decision lol#but i think after everything cas would've fought for the thing he never thought he could have#which is why in my fix it fic wip that i'll finish someday cas is like okay well. gotta get outta here now and kiss my mute coconut lol#i love them so much
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