#which is crazy because i would never ever want to be the president i mean truly FUCK that but whatever

[ghxstkn1fe]

i just woke up in the middle of the night, started immediately like catastrophising because that’s just what my brain does. and then, not 30 seconds into it, the concept of Jay Ferin was inserted into my mind. i instantly felt better. she’s like my guardian angel <3

[evilminji]

You knooooowwww... >.>

The only difference, technically, between a school in the Zone? And on Earth? Is the American government won't recognize your Zone diploma...

Not accredited. But like..... I'm JUST SAYING? If you didn't try to pass your school off as some Big Ivy League type? Pulled the "oh yeah, you'd never have heard of it, it's local." And the COMPUTERS say it's legit?

How many people will dig deeper?

If you legitimately have the knowledge, you legitimately have the knowledge. Not YOUR fault you left out the whole "extra-dimensional" part. It makes folk nervous! And nervous folks get stabby.

So like? If you were ALREADY planning to "Move" as you euphemistically put it? Talked it over with your VERY concerned folks and friends? Who do NOT like the look of the steady but concerning rise of Anti-Ghost Powers That Be? Who finally put their foot down and reminded you that you are a TEENAGER and it's NOT your responsibility to fix the world?

Well...

Fuck those guys, I guess. You'll miss the old house, but Team "Taking our ball and going literally anywhere else" makes some good points. Why ARE you putting up with this?

And honestly, you've never SEEN your dad have so much fun. Him and the Reality Realtor just sorta... Vibe. Himbo to Himbo communications. Smatters of advanced physics. Fudge. It's great.

They move the portal. Collapse the old one in a way that makes it impossible to recover or recreate. You... kinda don't want to ask. They had that "mad scientist glint" in their eyes.

And while everyone's checking out brochures to different realities? You? Head off to the nearest College. It's the Zone, so technically you could go to any of endless billions. But you'd like your education some time this century.

Cue! Danny Fenton! Entering?

Academia's wet dream. A sprawling CITY of a college. Where the classes are on EVERYTHING and the price is FREE. People have Obsessions okay?? They NEED to teach. Debate and discuss! Study! Right papers and read them! It's been going on a while! And what happens when you find a subject that's NOT covered?

YOU COVER IT!

It's like if New York was a College. Good fucking luck find the dorms. Sleep on the floor like the rest of us, you casual.

Danny was Not Prepared ™.

He loves it though.

Classes on aeronautics next making the perfect sandwich, shoved next to historical basketry, stacked above alien slam poetry. But only on Tuesdays! Ever shifting. Breaking his Fenton Born Adhd in to a fine PASTE to be smeared upon bread. Happy mental stimulation chemicals go Brrrrrrrr

If it wasn't wildly inappropriate, he would LICK IT to claim it as his then wrap around it and gaurd like a territorial cat. He thought he HATED school! Turns out he just hated high-school. College though? College, or at least ZONE College, is fuckin AWESOME.

He's sit in SO MANY random classes just cause.

Picked up and dropped them at a whim. When they no longer sparked joy. He's been a flighty bitch and for once? No one CARES. No one says "you HAVE to commit and stick with this FOREVER once you choose this" and? It just? It's so FREEING! He's learned so MUCH!

He's probably gonna come back!

Which? Is how a deeply, DEEPLY weird aerospace engineer from supposedly bumfuck NOWHERE, end up working at Wayne Industries. He's.... a lil crazy behind the eyes. Ha ha... CONCERNING ™!

Dude sleeps on the lab floor. Has weirdly spotty knowledge. Can be an unprecedented genius one second and not know who the current president is the next. Doesn't know what DAY it is. Forgets to eat. Tried to make a fusion reactor out of the break room toaster before Sandra from accounting distracted him with pictures of her cat.

It's like he wanders through life blissfully unaware that he is both terrifying and about three seconds from killing them all. Then FUCKING TRIPS because he forgot to tie his shoelaces again.

Who hired this man?

WHY!?

I mean, we KNOW why. Probably to put him on a watch list. But? He's like a terrifying murder puppy! Built like a tank! That's stoned out of its mind half the time. And have you HEARD his college stories? That CAN'T be legal. Was this guy raised in a cult!? Aaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!????

@hdgnj @legitimatesatanspawn @babbling-babull @dcxdpdabbles @hypewinter

[qqueenofhades]

There is no law that prevents a convicted felon from running for and becoming president, nor a law that bans someone from being president in prison. Also, if Trump gets incapacitated in someway, many ultra right republicans who equally despise trans people and immigrants and Muslims would happily take his place

And I ask, with all due respect, what is your point?

Do you think I don't know that?

Do you think I am somehow convinced that everything is hunky dory now and we don't have any work left to do?

Are you just determined to be the first of the gloom-and-doomers who show up like clockwork in my inbox, every time some consequence happens to Trump, to morosely insist that no consequences will happen to him? First it was "he'll win re-election." Then it was "the coup will succeed." Then it was "he will never be indicted." Then it was "2022 will be a red wave!" Then it was "he will never be tried." Then it was "he will never be convicted." Now we've moved on, within less than 2 hours of the first US President ever to be convicted of ONE felony, let alone THIRTY-FOUR, "he'll never be sentenced or face a real consequence or lose the election." The goalposts keep moving RIGHT along without even a single pause to acknowledge the difficulty and the value of the progress we have made thus far, and it makes me CRAZY.

Do you people realize how fucking rare it is, both in the world today and historically, for a former (and would-be future) head of state to be held to criminal account by a jury of 12 anonymous ordinary citizens? When that one person, Trump, is the center of the malignant fascist cancer that has spread through this country ever since 2016, and plenty of his cultists are still insisting that it's Trump or nobody for them? When we've actually reached the stage of holding him legally accountable for (some of) his crimes for the first time in his miserable misbegotten life? I suspect that most of you are so deep in the "America is totally broken and the system is useless and we can only Revolute!!!1" rabbit hole that you're bound and determined to argue away every step we take, however slow, as Meaning Nothing TM. Voting? Fake. Fighting to make real progress? Also fake. Everything is fake except our belief that everything is broken and we need the Keyboard Warrior Glorious Revolution!!! As long as you can keep inventing ever more contorted twists of logic to ignore everything else that's happened so far, this makes sense... or something. I guess?

Now we're onto "removing Trump won't matter :(" when a whole lot of people have been fighting day and fucking night to get all the privileged-princess Online Leftists to get off their Che Guevara cosplaying asses and cast a single fucking vote to keep us from full-on-sliding into fascism. A slide into fascism that, again, has been spearheaded and centered around Trump's toxic cult of personality and which is still tied to him in almost every way. Apparently holding him to account (again, which has never happened to him in his life) already doesn't matter because wah wah he won't suffer any consequences. If he loses this election he's probably going to jail for the rest of his life! We would have electorally defeated the greatest threat to the American democratic experiment in 250 years, and frankly a huge part of the fascist far-right hydra that is currently attempting a comeback around the world! This is, yet again:

THE FIRST TIME ANY AMERICAN PRESIDENT, EVER, HAS BEEN CONVICTED OF MULTIPLE FELONY CHARGES IN A COURT OF LAW BY A JURY OF HIS PEERS

and yet we're still hearing that nothing matters and no work has been done and removing him will have no effect???

Come on. Come on. I know it's tiring and it's slow and it doesn't go as fast as we want. But every single damn time the process goes another step, here you people are in my inbox insisting that we're still at zero progress and it means nothing, and lemme tell you, I am Tired of it. Come on. You don't have to jump up and down (my own feeling is glee and vindication but still not relaxation, I will not relax until he loses the fucking election and goes to jail), but you also don't need to keep myopically pretending that all the effort thus far by so many people means nothing. Come on.

[bruciemilf]

I will say, it is so fun thinking about the Waynes and their relationship with food. But specifically Bruce.

We get such little light shed on the Waynes before the Big Terrible happened. Like. How were Wayne dinners like?

Were they terribly posh and quiet with small moments of fun thrown in? Was Alfred scolding Thomas for telling a star eyed Bruce unnecessarily gory details from a surgery?

Did Martha help Bruce break into the cookie jar? Was there a lovely, playful gossip about Bruce's loud classmates and his adorable crush on Gray Ghost?

Because I like that! But I'd also like it to be a complete juxtaposition.

I want Bruce to talk about his family, to his children, with a smile that could melt the sun. I want him to tell them about the noise.

How the Wayne manor was permanently flooded with a noise and boister that could rival a packed 5 star kitchen.

How Thomas always cooked with a dry cigarette in his mouth, arguing with uncle Jacob about forks of all things.

Why were they smudged, why were they placed randomly and not organised with militaristic precision, while Martha watched with the fondest annoyance.

How Thomas would cuss filthy in Italian only when Bruce was around and only Oz could understand him, long before he was the Penguin, long before Bruce was Batman.

"It's about culture. Not that you'd understand, Jakey."

And uncle Jacob never entertained his father for long. He'd throw a dirty look, his obsidian eyes sharp as a switchblade, and mutter a 'bitch' in Russian, while Alfred sat there judging them both.

The Waynes were chaos with heartbeats. And Bruce's favorite event at these diners? The food fights. It's always uncle Philip who started them.

"Wow, Jay eating steak. Never thought I'd see this day."

" It's venison."

" Vinison?" Thomas would finally take a break from his unlit cigarette, holding Bruce in his lap like a king would a prized cat.

A collective sigh rang among the table. They knew what was coming. " What are you, fuckin' crazy? That's fuckin' cannoli, dipshit."

"With vinison."

"Jacob."

" Tom."

"Martha."

" Honey."

" You come into my house, not knowing what a goddam cannoli is? Fuck are you gonna tell me next, you don't put garlic in your Carbonara? I mean."

" Garlic is disgusting."

And Thomas would cover Bruce's ears like that's the most offensive thing uncle Jacob could utter at Thomas Wayne's table. And Uncle Oz agreed. Their favorite pastime was ganging up on Martha's oldest brother.

And it starts off as something minuscule and petty and mutates in something loud and ugly and breathtaking.

Bruce would watch with an open mouth in Alfred's lap, as his father's neck popped with veins, and uncle Jacobs pale complexion would blush something angry as the skin of his throat thinned from yelling.

"FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, YOUR PRESIDENT IS A VODKA DRINKING, BALDING, COMMIE PIECE OF SHIT."

"YOU'RE AMERICAN. "

" I CANT HELP THAT, I WAS BORN LIKE THAT!"

And it wasn't a true Saturday dinner unless Thomas didn't leap across the table, running over all the food to smash whatever dish into Jacobs face.

But truly, the best part, was watching them go from fight dogs to eating outside in time-out. As different as his father and uncle were, they could always find agreement on one topic:

Defying Martha Wayne was painfully stupid.

They'd share a cigarette and eat in silence, which was as friendly as they'd ever get. But he loved it. Bruce loved Saturday dinner.

And when the batkids start the fighting tradition on Saturdays, Bruce thinks they do, too.

[celesterayel]

match made in heaven | coriolanus snow

pairing : coriolanus snow x scheming!reader

request: can I please have a mean!reader with snow whose absolutely obsessed with each other!!!!

IN WHICH — coriolanus snow isn't nice but neither are you. it's a match made in heaven.

"it was enchanting to meet you. all i know is, i was enchanted to meet you" - t.s.

w.c. 500+

warning(s) : snow being snow ✭・.

✩ ‧₊˚ authors note istg im so obsessed with this man and it's not even funny

you hated him. you absolutely loathed coriolanus. now, that’s not to say you didn’t applaud his little performances or the way he could manipulate others around him to get what he wanted–because yes, it was impressive–but you hated how absolutely enchanted everyone was with him. 

there was no one at this stupid school or in the capitol that didn’t give him the attention that belonged to you. hell, even dean highbottom, who could give you a run for your money on how much he loathed snow, spent all his attention on that: hating him. you didn’t see what they saw. what was so special about someone who was named corioANUS snow?

you were so much prettier than he was, smarter than him, better in every way that mattered. you knew how to work the crowd to do your bidding. when others threatened your place or standing, you knew how to get rid of them quietly and efficiently so that no one knew it had been you behind it. 

of course, you were the top of the top. you didn’t understand all the fuss about him. one of these days, you were going to snap if one more teacher preached about “how perfect snow’s essay was!” or “how handsome he was!”. 

of course, you don’t know that while you obsess over the man, he’s doing the exact same. because look at how perfect you are! all he can think about is the fact that behind every innocent smile and kind act you hide behind, he can see the callousness and manipulation that you are. 

the man’s practically in love with you because for once, he doesn’t necessarily need to pretend to be nice or sweet. add to the fact that you're the perfect match for him when he becomes president of panem. man has already bought the ring that he’ll propose to you with one day.

that is after he’s made sure you won’t tell others about how crazy he truly is. he cannot risk his plans falling down the drain even for you. so, when you're on your way home, he’s got you pinned to the wall starting a whole speech about what would happen to you if you said anything. 

that’s when you fall in love. hands pinned to the wall as he’s threatening your life. what’s more romantic than being told you’ll die if you say anything about him? Well, him pressing a rough kiss to your lips as you stare at him. 

“are you out of your mind?”

“only for you, darling, only for you.”

y’all, are both whipped for each other from then on. 

you both collude from there: you need someone gone? snow doesn’t need another word, he's already making sure they're gone. because nothing is going to bother his sweet, sweet girl. he’s slightly unsure of how to proceed with something? you create an ingenious plan so quickly the man kisses you to high heaven because he’s so in awe. 

when he does become president of panem, the man just cannot get enough of you. he’s never loved you more but now all he can think about is how good power looks on you. when you walk into a room, you instantly capture his eye. he swears he’ll die before you ever leave his side. 

he’s still not a good person though but neither are you. you’re both a match made in heaven.

[were-wolverine]

batfam as new girl quotes

steph: where are you, tim? this place is fancy and i don’t know which fork to kill myself with.

***

dick (16 y/o): i’ll take you through the whole thing. i’ll be like your guide.

jason (13 y/o): like gandalf through middle-earth?

dick: ok, first of all, let’s take the Lord of the Rings references and put them in a deep, dark cave where no one will ever find them.

jason: except smeagol. he lives in a cave.

***

tim: you text me “happy monday.” what am i supposed to do with that?

damian: oh, i don’t know. maybe have a happy monday?

(he’s trying to be nice)

***

jason: would you consider us adorable?

dick: no! we’re adult men.

dick: we’re cute.

***

cass: you always see the worst in people.

damian: yeah, because people are the worst!

***

steph: i mean, bruce, we love you, but…

steph: but you’re not a man of the people.

bruce: of course i’m not a man of the people. i’m above the people.

***

cass: we’re a family. families talk about things.

jason: no, families ignore things until they go away.

***

new parent bruce: dick, do you want to go to sleep?

9 y/o dick: no way.

bruce: if you do, i’ll write you a check for $6,000.

***

duke: what are you doing in here?

tim: eating cookies and avoiding confrontation.

(in the bathroom at a gala)

***

steph: jason, come on, that’s like the president and the vice president not being best friends.

jason: they’re not best friends.

steph: come on. everybody knows they’re best friends.

***

dick: i’m in love!

damian: titus, clear my schedule. i need a word with our brother.

***

steph: duke, those shoes are not brown! they’re green!

duke: you guys are idiots! they’re as brown as money.

cass: what color is kermit the frog?

duke: brown! he’s a brown frog.

tim: duke! you’re color blind, dude.

***

bruce: darn it! has anyone seen my croquet cleats?

***

tim: hey guys, do you think i’m a good person?

steph: you’re a terrible person. it’s hilarious.

***

dick: i’m very quick on my… uh…

jason: did you just forget the word ‘feet’?

dick: feet, yeah.

(he’s been awake for 72 hours without sleep)

***

duke: i can’t believe i didn’t notice this before but damian, you are legitimately crazy.

damian: i think we’re all a little bit crazy, don’t you, thomas?

duke: no, i mean, you’re like aging ballerina, child chess prodigy, professional magician crazy.

damian: it’s my grandfather’s fault.

duke: yeah okay fair enough

***

tim: if i was doing something stupid, you definitely would be involved.

dick: yeah, you’re damn right i would be. and i would probably be there to make it even stupider.

***

bruce: has anyone seen my good pea coat?

***

steph: i brake for birds. i rock a lot of polka dots. i have touched glitter in the last 24 hours!

steph: and that doesn’t mean i’m not smart and tough and strong.

***

jason: are you insane, bruce? we’re not ready.

jason: that’s like taking a musical from rehearsals straight to broadway. you got to workshop it first.

(pushing the theatre kid jason agenda)

***

dick: you realize i say goodnight to you every night and you never say goodnight back?

dick: what is the problem, jason? do you not want me to have a good night?

jason: oh my god you’re so overdramatic

***

tim: please don’t mistake my measured blank tone for calmness, as i am filled with waters of rage.

(he’s at a gala)

***

bruce: damn it! i can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere!

***

duke: what a dumb idea.

duke: do it.

(he is an enabler)

[chowplanet]

So I'm going to make another rant this time for Jackie Bouvier Kennedy Onassis. Enough with the corny, "she eats metal sheets," meme of Jackie. Okay, we all know she wasn't super gorgeous like Jessical Alba or Scarlett Johansson level, I get it. Jackie's teeth does remind me she drank coffee and smoked a lot. This lady has been through so much in her younger years. She lost three children before JFK's assassination. If JFK Jr. died before his mother on the plane accident she would have witnessed four of children's deaths. We all know she grew up rich and privileged, so she isn't "relatable" like Marilyn Monroe. This doesn't mean Jackie Kennedy never dealt with problems growing up. There are rumors that she was possibly a racist all because she didn't liked her wedding dress which designed by a black woman, but how come no one is mentioning Jackie invited a black female opera singer to the white house to perform when the black female opera singer was struggling financially? I know it's Marilyn Monroe's cult worshippers dissing and roasting Jackie Kennedy on a daily basis. But let me tell you this Jackie Kennedy had the right to be upset at both her husband (JFK) and Marilyn Monroe. It takes two to tango and Monroe knew he was a married man. Sophia Loren, Barbara Eden (I dreamed of Jeannie), Trippi Hedren, Olivia De Havilland, and Jean Simmons all rejected or decline JFK because they were aware he was married. He wanted to hook up with them, and those ladies all turned him down. So please do not come to me by saying Marilyn Monroe was 100% a victim when clearly she wasn't forced to have an affair with the president and his married brother (RFK). I also want to give Jackie major props for telling Marilyn Monroe on the phone since she kept on calling the White House and bragging to Jackie that she was going to steal her husband. Jackie didn't backed down nor was intimidated. She hold her posture by telling Monroe she can move in to deal with the problems while she moves out and does not have to deal with being a Kennedy wife or a first lady anymore. I say Jackie was ballsy. That was so gangsta of her. That was one bad ass first lady besides Eleanor Roosevelt and Dolly Madison. This woman has to witness her husband getting shot right next to her while her pink suit is dreaded with his blood and his dead body on her lap all the way from Dealey Plaza to Parkland Hospital. After that she has to take care of two children. She has to move out of the White House very quickly around the Thanksgiving holiday. So people saying she isn't strong enough or smart enough (Jackie spoke five different languages) is absurd. I don't think some people would be in Jackie's shoes especially the ones who are saying she wasn't a strong woman. People are also going in on her because she wasn't some kind of a Hollywood actress like Monroe. I don't think Jackie ever gave a (bleep). She didn't care about that Hollywood lifestyle, nor she cared Marilyn is a Hollywood icon. One thing for sure Jackie is not going to kiss certain people's butts just because they have that title. I like her punk attitude that she didn't care for celebrity worship culture. People are really giving Marilyn a pass because she was a blonde and blue eye Hollywood legend. Enough is enough. JFK and Marilyn were wrong. Jackie could have been killed on November 22, 1963. She was right there next to her murdered husband. And no one seems to care because she wasn't "hot and fine" enough. It is crazy to find out the last thing JFK saw was his wife's face before before getting shot in the head. Hopefully in the afterlife he thought about the things he put Jackie through here on earth. That he really had a good woman in his life. Sad just sad.

And by the way, I've noticed people are mocking JFK's death more often compared to Abraham Lincoln. I don't know because Lincoln is more respected (which I love how he is still respected to this day) or is because some enviousness is going on around here. Whatever it is stop with the corny JFK's jokes about his head exploded. Idk but it's giving jealousy and envy. Maybe it has something to do with he hooked up with Marilyn and other people wish they were in his position to do so. Whatever it is, stop with the mad corny jokes it isn't even funny. I'm talking to you Reddit users, TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram users.

[vantedaes]

Not shy! 1/5 (Leon x F!Reader)

Author: @vantedaes Editor: @141s-chewtoy Pairing: Leon S Kennedy x fem reader! Word count: 2.350k Tags/Warnings: MDNI (+18) age gap, Banter, pining, romance, flirting, shy (introverted :p) reader, fluff, miscommunication, eventual smut, maybe slow burn? we'll see.

Summary:  1/5 When senior agent Leon Kennedy joined your unit the last thing you were expecting is for him to pay any attention to you let alone make you his partner, you, the outcast, shy, and officer rookie from the whole unit.

And it wouldn't be a problem if he didn't find pleasure in driving you crazy.

A/N: So here we at with my first fanfic in a long ass time (Also my first one in English be nice it's not my first language!) So i just wanted to make a wholesome banter with Death island Leon in mind! there will be eventual smut but later so buckle up to some old slow burn.

Thanks to my girl, the one, the only, the QUEEN: @141s-chewtoy for editing this nonsense and making it better and greater, ilysm bestie.

✩｡:•.───── ❁ ❁ ─────.•:｡✩✩｡:•.───── ❁ ❁ ─────.•:｡✩

When you first met Leon you thought he would never even grant a glance at you. 

As an officer researcher rookie, you were usually picked on and the spot of jokes from your whole department, it didn’t help you were the first woman to achieve that high-ranking position. It should mean you receive respect from others, right? Well apparently not, and you knew that it was partly your fault, you’ve always been introverted and also maybe kind of a pushover. 

So maybe being the target of jokes from the whole station and also having no other friends than the lunch lady —Sandy, god bless her heart, and her delicious croquettes—, was enough to make you invisible, and you were fine with that, mostly, it helped you not attract too much-unwanted attention which you hated but it also made you the odd one out that you also hated, but in the scale of things you’d rather be the quiet girl of the unit. 

Therefore you didn’t even make an effort to leave your office when everyone was running laps because the great senior agent Leon Kennedy was coming down the department.

You figured that he was another know-it-all dickhead, that would only come to you to shove your face in his big achievements and how he single handedly saved the president’s daughter and some many other stuff, cause yes you did peek at his file —What? you have access to it, you were the intel and researcher of the unit, and you had to—  Suuure, he was jaw-dropping gorgeous to say the very least but that was not the reason you sought shelter in your office, no, you just knew he had to be a fucking asshole like all the others you worked with. 

Of course, you couldn't hide forever, as much as you wanted to. Eventually, you had to face the man of the hour and oh boy you were nervous… you were so nervous that Sandy had to give you a pep talk for you to just do your job

“Girl I know he’s hotter than the Sahara desert but you can’t just miss out on your job! the guy’s been asking for the researcher for days now he thinks you’re a slacker.” 

“I’m not hiding because he’s hot! I’m just…scared he’s an egocentric idiot.” 

Sandy gave you the most ‘you think I believe an ounce of that?’ look she had ever given to you. 

“For sure honey and that’s why you have been eating in the kitchen and actively avoiding your work that you never do cause you practically breathe for this job.” 

Ugh, you hated how right she was and how much she knows you.

“Whatever.  It’s not because he’s hot, I’m just…busy with personal stuff.” 

Oh, the way she scoffed was nothing amicable. 

“Riiight, busy thirsting over the guy! I've seen the way you cling to his file, you ain’t fooling anybody and you’re sure as hell not fooling me so woman up and face him once and for all.” 

You sucked in a breath and shook your head. You knew she was mostly right, you just couldn’t avoid your work so you had to face him sooner than later… but it wasn’t because you were attracted, no, you just didn’t want to lose your time with the insufferable prick he surely was.  

It was an especially bad Friday morning when you sensed something off, could it be the fact that your coffee wasn't as warm as you usually prefer it? Or the way everyone was staring at you as you made your way to your office? Sure, you’d been coexisting with these idiots long enough to just ignore their shit but this morning they were drilling your head in with the intensity of their staring and whispering. 

You couldn't bring yourself to ask what the fuck the problem was but you soon regretted not doing so. 

Because at the other side of your private office was no other than agent Leon S. Kennedy sitting on your desk and examining your files in excruciating detail —making a total mess. You were frozen at your own door, your hand still on the handle and a part of you wanted to close the door and run away but, that wouldn't be so professional on your part and also he already had his cold blue eyes on you and, oh fuck you felt yourself trembling and clinging to your almond latte cause the pictures and the videos didn't do the  man justice… He was even hotter —and wider— in person. 

Regardless, you tried to maintain your calm and remain professional. This was your space of work and how dare he just intrude in your office! Sure you were avoiding convening with him and that was part of your job, but still! Wasn’t this a bit too much? And how did he even get into your office? You always closed it with a key, a key you and only you—oh, fucking Sandy! 

You could only snap out of your internal conflict when he called your name with that smokey-ass voice that made you weak on the knees. 

“I hope you don’t mind me barging in like this,”

Was he for real? Of fucking course you fucking minded but of course you couldn’t gather yourself to say or do anything but  just look blankly at him.

“It was the only way I could find time for us to meet since you kept avoiding me.” 

Fuck.  How did he realize that? And why did he look so amused by it? God, you knew he had to be a prick, and worst of all, and breathtaking prick.

Well, you ought to speak up for yourself because the silence was flooding the room and it wouldn’t help your case just to stay quiet and wait for him to leave. 

“Agent Kennedy, what a pleasant surprise,”  You uttered in a breathy tone, still without the strength to actually step inside. Leon raised an eyebrow and cocked a smile that just made you even more annoyed. 

Before he could even speak, you continued: “Sorry for the delay in our meeting, I’ve been busy with personal errands.” 

Ugh, at least you were good at being professional-ish.

Leon's eyes were full of something between total disbelief and something else you couldn’t really place.

Your heart almost crawled out of your chest when he approached you, so incredibly close to where you were standing as still as a damn statue. You could do nothing whatsoever as his huge physique came so fucking close to you and you almost felt like fainting when his arm reached behind you to just close the damn door. However, judging by the smug grin he had on his lips, he knew exactly what he was doing.

Your eyes were fixated on his huge chest and the veins on his neck, your nostrils absorbing the delicious scent of cologne and something citric… Dear god, this man was a danger walking.

You could only breathe again when he finally gave you personal space. 

“Sorry, don’t like the ogling eyes.” 

He said smoothly, returning to your messed-up desk. You were at a loss for words as you tried to regain some confidence to answer him. He had some nerve to keep meddling in your stuff and— wait, was he holding the file you had on him?

“Hey! Keep your nose out of my stuff!” 

Well, that was out of character for you, the way you snatched the folder out of his pretty hands like a toddler wanting their toy back. The coffee —that by this point was cold —in your other hand almost spilled on your carpeted floor.

You just tugged the file with your hand while he looked at you in surprise, clearing your throat and taking a step back. Now you probably needed to explain why you had a really specific file of him on your desk in the first place…

One that looked like it was thoroughly reviewed over and over again, and also had many pictures of him… 

At least the look in his eyes  —which were still full of amusement — prompted some explanation. 

 “What? I’m the researcher, I needed to know who you were before the meeting,”

As if anyone could believe that, he certainly didn’t, but god knows you were going to cling to your lie like it was the truest truth ever. 

“When they told me you were shy I wasn’t expecting this.” 

You scoffed and rolled your eyes, trying to move freely in your space around him. You carefully saved his file on your cabinet and just threw the fucking cold coffee in the trash, it was ruined anyway.

“Not shy, introverted.” You corrected, trying to get behind your desk. He looked at you still with a smug grin on his lips, he was enjoying making you nervous and annoyed. 

Before he could make another clever remark, you stopped him. 

“Listen Agent Kennedy, I would appreciate it if  in the future —”

“Call me Leon.” 

What? 

“I’m sorry?” 

“You have nothing to apologize for, please call me Leon.” 

Oh but wasn’t he just a fucking smooth operator.

“Listen, Leon,” Oh your patience was running thin, and it wasn’t helping that he kept looking at you with that smug grin and those huge arms  —like seriously, huge — crossed, just owning your personal space like it was nothing.

“Right now I don’t have any time for you, so I would appreciate it if in the future you don’t just break into my office.” 

Firm, professional, you felt proud of how you handled it. Cause right now you just really wanted to erase that smug expression from his face with a slap. Of course, he could be a real smoke show but he was just getting on your nerves with all his…all of him, really. 

Nevertheless, he continued to just sit on your desk giving zero fucks about how much you wanted him gone. Clearly he was having a great time making you uncomfortable and maybe a little flustered. It wasn't like you to yell or have a bad attitude towards anyone really, but you were having a hard time remaining cool in front of this smug man who kept meddling in your papers! 

"Do you mind?!" 

You said almost in a yell. Leon giggled, looking at you innocently. 

"I don't mind at all."  

You opened your mouth in disbelief,  he was just toying with you now. 

"Listen kitten— Can I call you kitten?"

"No, you may not!" 

Now you were sure you were red as a tomato.

"So, kitten, I understand your annoyance but I think we’re even, given your very specific investigation about me I could say that we both broke personal boundaries.”  

You were speechless, he was somehow right but clearly, you were not going to give him the satisfaction of agreeing with him. He was the one who broke into your office and he was the one who’s all in your personal space. How dare he compare your innocent file of everything you could find of him with this? Pfft, you did nothing wrong. 

“Now that we are somewhat acquainted, there should not be any problem with us working together.”  He leaned in and you felt your breath catch in your throat, “Closely, together.” 

What now? 

Leon kept staring at you, scanning your every reaction, almost savoring your internal struggles like he could read them completely. 

“Wh—What do you mean?” You asked in a tremulous voice.

Something in Leon’s eyes flickered as he bit his lower lip and almost suppressed a chuckle. 

“You know, because you’re the best researcher and the first line of intel it makes sense that we work alongside one another.” 

Ok, you were having an actual breakdown and it showed. What did he mean about that? Well, you knew what he meant but like what did he really mean? That you were going to have to see him every day? You could barely bear this unexpected intrusion and now he's telling you that you're going to be working partners? You didn’t do partners, you worked alone, you researched and informed the headquarters and that was it. 

Leon kept looking at you with his head slightly tilted to the side, clearly enjoying your reaction. You sucked in a breath, trying to collect yourself. 

“Is it really necessary?” 

And it was the only thing you thought to ask, you knew Leon was there to join your unit and it did make sense what he was saying but a part of you just wanted it to be a lie. You didn’t know how much you could bear having someone like him all over you at all times, the thought of it just made you…quiver. 

And no, it wasn’t because he was incredibly hot and unbelievably gorgeous, no, it wasn’t because his mere presence made your heart race and your insides burn and of course, it wasn’t because the sound of his voice and that stupid grin and the way he just called you kitten made your panties soaked in a fucking second. 

Fuck, you couldn’t be thinking of that when he was still right in front of you like a fucking predator smelling how aroused his little victim was…

Ok, you really needed to stop now.

Leon chuckled, “Don’t worry, I won’t bother you too much, kitten.” 

That fucking nickname again, your panties were as soaked as they could get. 

“Stop calling me that.” 

You tried to sound more serious than strangled but failed completely, Leon cracked another one of his fucking smirks and you felt the heat in your body increase, god, you weren’t sure if he annoyed you as much as he turned you on. 

God no, he just annoyed you, that’s all. 

“Why? It fits you perfectly, a shy kitten.” 

Oh god, you could kill him.

“I’m not shy. I’m introverted!” You exclaimed, feeling your face burning up, “And certainly not a kitten!” 

Sandy better fucking get her hands ready making you all the croquettes you wanted, she owes you one after this. 

[grandeoatmilklatte]

Pain and Pledges Pt. 1 (College AU!Ominis x F!MC)

Happy Friday! My first successful attempt at a Gaunt Friday post. The theme the Omi server picked was AU, so here's a college AU where Omi is a hot Frat boy!

There's no smut in this one sadly cause it was getting a little too long, so I had to split it up. The smut will be in part 2 but there is some good angst and tension in here, as well as some flirty behavior.

Also, I know nothing about frats and sororities (I went to a city college) so forgive me if I got something wrong.💕 The house names are movie/tv references!

Pain and Pledges Pt 1. - College AU Ominis Gaunt x F!MC || Summary: You just started college, and are attending a Frat party this weekend to win over some Sorority girls in the hopes of joining their house, but things don't go according to plan when you fall for a hot, blind Frat boy. 2.8k words.

Warnings: Slight NSFW, 18+ || teen drinking || dubcon kiss in a truth or dare game || mentions of bl0w j0bs || all charcters are college age thus they're 18+!

Part 2 here:

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The shrill ringing of the bell snapped you out of your daydream, your fellow students getting up around you, eager to flee the lecture hall. It was officially the weekend, you survived your very first week of college. You made your way outside, eager to find Garreth so you could start making plans for your big weekend.

Garreth Weasley was your childhood best friend, a sophomore, and a member of the Fraternity on campus, Omega Beta Zeta. The Frat had a close relationship with the Sorority on campus, Kappa Kappa Tau, which you were planning to pledge for. The two houses were hosting a party at the Frat house on Saturday, where many of the Kappa girls would be present, giving you an opportunity to mingle and get even more in their favor, Garreth already having put in a good word for you. Freshman typically weren’t allowed at this party, nor were new potential pledges. But because you were so close to Garreth, he had managed to convince the presidents of each house to let him bring you.

“Are you ready for a crazy weekend!?” Garreth shouted as he threw his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into a hug.

“I'm a bit nervous. What if no one likes me?” You were normally pretty confident, but Sorority girls could be a little scary.

“Nonsense! You mainly have to impress Kappa’s president, Imelda Reyes. Once you win her over, you’re good! And she already knows about my amazing best friend!” He said as he nudged you with a smile. The only other person you’d want to impress is Ominis Gaunt, he’s Omega’s president and they both have a say on who gets into each house. He can be a bit of an ass sometimes. I mean, I guess you have to be considering what he’s dealt with. He’s been blind all his life. He’s also a legacy. Every male in his family has been in the Frat, and they’ve all been Omega presidents in their times here. Which isn’t entirely fair, but I guess it helps that his family is stupid rich and friends with the Dean.”

She rolled her eyes. She had heard of these legacy students before and had heard that they were typically stuck up rich kids, Garreth being the only legacy she had ever seen be an exception to this. His parents were fairly wealthy, and many of his family members had also attended the school. You weren't a legacy, nor were you a rich kid, but Garreth never treated you differently for that.

You began to discuss plans, as Garreth was one of the Omega boys in charge of party planning. He created a list of supplies, enlisting your help to obtain them. Once you had your list of supplies, you went on your way.

You decided to make a quick pit stop at the library first, wanting to pick up a book you needed for a class. It was fairly quiet in the library on this Friday afternoon. You grabbed the book you were looking for and were heading out when you noticed him, Ominis Gaunt. He seemed to be struggling a bit, trying to balance several books in one arm while using his other arm to hold his walking stick. Feeling bad for him, and remembering Garreth’s instruction to get on his good side, you slowly walked over to him.

“It’s Ominis, right? Do you need any help with that?” You asked softly.

“I’m doing quite alright thank you!” He barked at you, shooting you an angry glare. You were taken aback by his rudeness, mumbling an apology and turning to leave when he spoke again, his voice softer this time.

“Wait, I don’t recognize your voice? Do I know you?”

“No. We haven’t met yet.” You breathed a sigh of relief as you introduced yourself. He repeated your name to himself, as if he was savoring the way it sounded on his tongue.

“Are you Weasley’s friend? I’ve heard him talk about you? A freshman right? And you’re pledging Kappa?” There was a curious look on his face. As he questioned you, you couldn’t help but be lost in his eyes. They were a beautiful milky blue, and he didn’t have pupils. His blue irises seemed to be fused, likely the source of his blindness.

“Yep, that’s me! And yes, I’ll be meeting the Kappa girls tomorrow at your party. I’m hoping I make a good impression on them.” You let out a chuckle, feeling a little nervous under his sightless gaze.

“Fuck. He’s really hot.” You thought to yourself as you unabashedly stared at him, knowing he wouldn’t notice. He was dressed quite nicely - black loafers, a pair of dark gray trousers and a crisp white shirt on his body, likely all designer. He was tall and thin, towering over you, his blond hair was elegantly pushed back, and he had various beauty marks peppering his cheeks. You wondered if there were more beauty marks on his body, imagining your lips moving down, kissing the marks on his chest, down his stomach, below his belt…

His voice snapped you out of your naughty daydream. “I’m sure you’ll make a good impression on them. I’ve only known you for a few minutes and I already think you’re lovely.” He said with a chuckle. The comment made your heart flutter. “Come to think of it, I could use your help. Would you be a dear and help me put these away?” He passed you the books he had been holding. You grabbed them and put them back, eyes constantly jumping between the books and him as you did so.

“Thank you, love. I appreciate the help. I must be off, but I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. I’ll love to get to know you more.” He shot you a smile.

“See you tomorrow!” You sighed as he turned, leaving you with sweaty palms, a racing heart, and a wetness between your legs. ------------------------------------------------------------------------

You stood in front of the mirror, touching up your lipstick one more time before you gave your reflection a thumbs up and headed out to meet Garreth. You wore a black, spaghetti strapped form fitting dress that hit the middle of your thigh and displayed an ample amount of cleavage. You accompanied the dress with black fishnets, boots, and a leather jacket. Your long hair had a soft wave to it, and your lips were a beautiful shade of bright red.

You felt a little embarrassed, knowing you had dressed this sexy for a guy who couldn’t even see what you were wearing. But you still wanted to look good for him. He had been on your mind all day. You kept daydreaming about his blue eyes, his beauty marks, and his soft voice. If the night went your way, he’d certainly get a feel of your clothes before they ended up on his floor.

The party was in full swing when you and Garreth arrived. Garreth was correct that everyone in attendance was either a Kappa girl or an Omega boy, and you were indeed the one lone freshman.

You were promptly introduced to Imelda, a tall brunette with an athletic build and a severe case of resting bitch face. She looked you over with a scowl on her face for a second before her scowl morphed into a smile. “Well aren’t you just a cutie pie?! Come on, let’s get you a drink, freshman!” You were then hauled off to the punch table, Garreth giving you a smile and waving goodbye to you before disappearing to find his friends, leaving you alone with the girls who would hopefully be your sorority sisters soon.

You had been with Imelda and the rest of the Kappa girls for about an hour now, dividing your attention between the girls, and the rest of the party, your eyes constantly scanning around for Ominis. You had yet to see him, and you were beginning to get discouraged. The Kappa girls were all varying degrees of drunk, while you tried to stay as sober as possible, wanting to be 100% yourself when you found Ominis. Every now and then, you would catch Imelda watching you as your gaze roamed around the room, wondering who you were looking for.

After what felt like forever, you finally spotted him from across the room, him having just come downstairs from the dorm rooms You excused yourself, Imelda’s eyes glued to you as you made your way over to Ominis. You almost didn’t interrupt him, as he appeared to be in conversation with some of the other Frat boys, but he seemed to sense you before you even said anything, turning in your direction and saying your name.

“Hey! Great party huh? How’d you know it was me?” You asked.

“Well, you’re wearing the same perfume you were wearing yesterday, except it’s a little stronger today.” He had a smile on his face, that looked way too flirty. His next action froze you in your tracks, as you felt his hand come up to your back before he leaned in, whispering in your ear.

“I really like that perfume. You should wear it more often. It makes you smell so delicious.”

There was an unmistakable sultry tone to his voice. You felt a heat rise between your legs and your breathing hitch. Before you could respond, he was offering to get you a drink, once he had, he motioned for you to sit on a nearby couch.

Your nervousness began to dwindle down as the two of you began to talk and drink. His attention was locked on you as he asked you questions about your major and how your first week of classes were. He also told you some things about himself - his law major, how many siblings he had, the clubs he was in. The two of you were getting to know each other and everything seemed to be going great. As time went on, you involuntarily found yourself moving closer to him, your knees actually touching at some point. His hand then came to rest on your knee. He stroked the bare skin under your fishnets with his thumb, and you felt like you could have died right there.

As the evening progressed, you couldn’t help but feel like you were being watched. You took your eyes off Ominis and discovered you were, many of the party goers eyeing and whispering about you two. You tried to ignore it, focusing your attention back on the beautiful boy in front of you. You weren’t sure exactly when it happened, but at some point Ominis’s hand had moved further up your leg, resting right where your dress ended. You moved even closer to him, and as you did so, his hand moved a little further up, his fingers slipping just a tiny bit under your dress.

“Are you alright?” He asked, a playful smile gracing his face.

“Yes. I’m great. This is great!” You said breathlessly.

He leaned in, his hand moving further up your thigh as he whispered in your ear. “Your skin is so soft, I could touch it all day.”

You were left speechless as he pulled away slightly to resume normal conversation. You then caught Imelda’s eye. She was smiling at you, but her smile was eerie. Her stare felt uncomfortable as you watched her move toward the center of the room. She took a fork off a nearby table and began to hit it against her glass, trying to get the attention of the party.

“Hello everyone! Thank you so much for coming to the first Kappa and Omega party of the school year!” Imelda yelled, her voice echoing through the room, guests giving a cheer in response. “We have a freshman in our midst who wants to join Kappa house! Let’s give her a warm welcome!” She shouted as she pointed at you. You looked away, refusing to make eye contact with her. “Let’s play a game, in honor of our sweet little freshy! Let’s play truth or dare!”

Several people gathered around a set of couches, including Ominis, who remained seated next to you, and Garreth, who sat across from you, an encouraging smile on his face. The other players consisted of the sorority sisters, who seemed to all be talking and laughing amongst each other. “We’ll start with our newbie first!” Imelda announced.

You tried to remain neutral in your expression, but inside you were panicking. Imelda asked you first, “truth or dare”. You wanted to play it safe, choosing “truth”.

You watched her eyes dart between you, Garreth, and Ominis. “Do you have a boyfriend, freshy?”

Garreth’s eyes looked up at you and you could swear you felt Ominis tense up next to you. “No.'' You answered confidently and truthfully, the tension in Ominis dissipating immediately.

The game continued, multiple people being dared to do various silly things, and a collection of school rumors being confirmed or denied via the truths.

One “truth” from one of the Frat guys revealed that Garreth had the hots for their freshman year English professor. A truth from Imelda revealed that Ominis was into guys as well as girls, him having gotten caught in an empty classroom sucking off a fellow Frat boy. This didn’t bother you, but Ominis wasn’t happy about this truth coming out, and in retaliation, revealed that Imelda wasn’t particularly good at sucking dick herself. This led to a truth coming out that Ominis and Imelda had previously been dating, him having broken up with her over the summer. This did bother you, and provided an explanation to Imelda's behavior.

You were also being ripped into in the game. Anytime it was one of the Sorority girls' turn, they would all smile at each other before picking you. Almost as if they were up to something. You continued to pick “truth”, nervous about what would happen if you picked “dare”. They had already asked you some very personal things, and they continued to get personal as the game progressed.

“Is there someone in this room that you’d fuck?”

“Yes.” You answered far too quickly, the answer causing Ominis to stir a little next to you.

“Are you a virgin?”

You didn’t answer this one as quickly, hesitating for a moment before you gave a soft “yes”. This answer elicited an audible sigh from Ominis. You were too mortified to look at him, or anyone else at the moment.

Imelda had enough of your derailment of her scheme. When the game came back around to her, she shot you a devilish smile.

“Alright, freshy, no more truths, it’s time for you to do a dare. After all, you are looking to pledge Kappa right? Show us how badly you want to join!”

You knew this was coming. You had no clue what they had planned for you, but whatever it was you knew it would be humiliating. You and Garreth briefly shared a look of worry, but you smiled at him before looking up at Imelda. You were nervous, sure, but weren’t about to be bullied.

“Fine.” You said, looking her dead in her big brown eyes.

Another devilish smile formed on her face. You watched her eyes jump to Ominis sitting next to you before she spoke.

“Earlier you said there was someone in this room you’d fuck. I dare you to kiss them. Right now. On the lips. For ten seconds.”

Garreth looked at you, the look on his face screaming for you to kiss him, not because he genuinely wanted you to, but because he wanted to give you a way out of this embarrassment. You would have done the same for him. But you gently shook your head at him.

You turned to the blind boy next to you, and in one quick motion, before you had too much time to think about it and chicken out, you grabbed his cheeks bringing your lips to his.

You heard a commotion around you, but you were far too invested in the taste of his lips to care. When you felt Ominis’s hands come up to your waist, holding you in place as he deepened the kiss, you felt like you were in heaven. His lips were soft and gentle as his warm hands held you. His tongue entered your mouth, having just swiped over yours before you heard Imelda.

“Alright alright! Ten seconds is up, stop trying to suck her face off, Omi!”

“Sounds like someone’s a little jealous she wasn’t on the receiving end of that.” Ominis shot at her, his hands coming off of you.

The game concluded shortly after this. When the players had dispersed, you nervously turned to Ominis to say something to him, but he shot you an angry expression before he stormed off. You called out to him, but he ignored your calls. Your heart began to shatter as you watched him head upstairs. Garreth approached asking if you were okay.

You regretted ever wanting to pledge the Sorority.

----------------------------------------------------------------

[beebeetheclown]

Happy F*cking Birthday

Jeryd Mencken x fem!reader Headcanon

So.. I’m horny and have been struggling to write a Mencken one shot, I put the two problems together and bam! I have created this💀 I hope I did okay?? I don’t do head canons often and am used to writing for Kendall but.. enjoy!😉😋

Tags: f/m, Jeryd Mencken x reader, smut

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~🖤~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

★ You were known as Mencken’s mistress in society. Photographers and writers would often put you in their works to write about some drama scheme to sell their articles faster, people loved the drama and schemes. Some people hated you, others admired you. You told yourself that the ones that hated you were just jealous of you and wished they had what you had. It wasn’t narcissism in your eyes, you were just confident. Men like Jeryd Mencken loved confident women.

★ Your relationship with Jeryd wasn’t a normal relationship. Sometimes, the two of you would sleep with other people. You’d occasionally get angry with him for sleeping with another girl even though you slept with other men, Kendall Roy being one of them. You would hit him in the arm or even sometimes give him a slap across the face when you heard that he slept with someone else, but doing so only turned you both on. Every time the two of you would argue about something like sleeping with someone else, you would end up having sex until you were both too exhausted to go any longer.

★ Jeryd liked to think that he was a very powerful man and always made sure that you knew that it was true. He’d tell you that none of the other pathetic men you would sleep with could fuck you better than he could. Sometimes when he would tell you this, you would push his buttons just so you could get him to fuck you harder.

★ Jeryd had first started to see you when he met you at some get-together that you were forced to attend. The two of you only lasted about ten minutes of small talk before he took you into a separate room. From the small talk, he could already tell how catty you were and he liked that about you, he loved to be challenged and put catty women in their place. He was seeing someone at the time of this get-together but he gave you his number after the two of you fucked. Later, you both went back out to the group of people and acted like nothing happened, not speaking to each other for the rest of the party.

★ The truth was, you knew he was right about everything, how no other man could fuck you like he did. Some could take you over the edge but Jeryd made your vision go blurry. You never used any kind of toy or had ever been tied up, it was always just casual but causal didn’t mean gentle. He praised you sometimes but it was mostly his degrades that made you crazy for him.

★ Whenever you were out together and there were photographers snapping pictures, you never cared to act innocent, you gave them what they wanted because it entertained you. You would wear skimpy outfits for the cameras just for fun. You’d flirt with guys when Jeryd was right by your side just to get him annoyed.

★ When his birthday came, he didn’t have a huge party, it was a dinner party which you did not attend. You knew he must have been at the dinner party between five and six p.m. and you knew it would be a formal thing, so you thought it would be funny to send him a photo. You sent a photo to him of you in your baby-pink bra, it was his favourite bra. He saw the picture when he was at dinner and he smirked to himself, he knew the game you were playing.

★ Two hours after the dinner party when everyone left, he didn’t want to give in so easily, but his hard on made him give up on the game and he called you, you picked up right away,

“Happy Birthday Mr. President.” You say in the teasing tone you knew he loved.

“Was that picture my birthday present, or do I get something more?”

“Ungrateful are we?”

“No, I am not ungrateful. I’m just wondering if that’s all I get.”

“Well, what else would you like?”

“Why don’t you come over and give me what I want.”

“I would, but I actually have another gift for you here.”

“Oh yeah? And what would that be?”

“That would be spoiling the surprise.”

★ When he was on his way to your house, you stripped out of your clothes and got a roll of wrapping paper and measured it by putting it around your body. You cut the wrapping paper with your measurements and wrapped it around your body then wrapped a ribbon around your waist and tied it in the front so the paper stayed wrapped around your figure. To top it off, you put a bow on the top of your head. When he arrived at the door, you had to walk so carefully so the paper wouldn’t rip.

★ His eyes immediately lit up when he looked down at you and saw you in nothing but wrapping paper,

“Well, what do I have here?” He asked with a grin.

“It’s your present.”

“And since you're my present, does that mean I get to do what I want with you?”

“I think you’ll have to unwrap the gift first, silly.”

He closed the door behind him and backed you into a wall. He took the bow off your head first before he brought his fingers down to start tearing the paper apart. He tore the top half first, making your chest exposed to him. He kissed your breast before getting the bottom half off. He untied the ribbon so slowly and when the ribbon was in his hands, the paper fell to the ground.

★ Without a word, he grabbed your shoulders and spun you around so that you would be facing the wall. He told you to put your hands on the wall and you did so. You just looked straight ahead at the grey wall until the colour changed to a red, he was putting the ribbon over your eyes, using it as a blindfold. You didn’t ask him any questions and just listened to him undress. You were breathing so heavily now, your breath and the sound of his belt clattering were the only sounds that filled the room. After a few seconds, he spun you around again, quickly and harshly,

“It’s my fucking birthday, say it.”

You couldn’t see him, but you could feel his hot breath on your lips,

“It’s your birthday Mr. Mencken.” You whisper back.

“Yes, that’s right. It’s my birthday and you're my birthday gift.”

“And what is your birthday wish Mr. Mencken?”

“My birthday wish is to have you how I want you, no excuses.”

★ As you couldn’t see, you didn’t know what his next move would be. You didn’t know if he would get down on his knees for you, didn’t know if he’d pick you up and take you to the bed, you had no choice but to wait for what was to come next. He picked your one leg up to wrap it around his hip and he began to fuck you against the wall. With his first thrust, you already felt as if you were going to lose your balance and fall over. You breathed out his name as he continued to rock his hips into you; you seriously needed for him to put you down on the bed or couch as your one leg that was keeping you up was already shaking. He only stopped his movements when he knew that you were close to the edge. He pulled out just before you could cum.

★ Leaving the ribbon over your eyes, he picked you up and walked you towards the couch and set you down. He was too eager and impatient to make it to the bedroom. He spread your legs and began to fuck you again. His hips meeting your skin along with the noises coming from your mouth were the only sounds that could be heard echoing through the house. The windows were open, meaning that the neighbours or anyone who was outside could hear, but that didn’t stop you from calling out his name. You wanted the people to hear what Jeryd Mencken could do to you.

★ You finished together, you finished around him and he spilled inside you. He only took the ribbon off your eyes when he had gotten dressed again, teasing you and not letting you see him exposed. When the ribbon did come off your eyes, he looked at you deeply, “Thank you for my present, I enjoyed it. When do I get another one?”

“Christmas.”

“That’s too far away.”

“A good gentleman has patience.”

[dumbkid4ever]

The Allmighty Orphan Lord K'uhul Ajaw

Ajaw modern hc! In which:

I introduce to you my take on what it would be like if Ajaw was a human in our modern world, which means there are no vision, no dragons and no gods.

Non-human au is here

- in terms of personality he's the same delusional, overconfident and rude Ajaw but more grounded, since his actions and words now have more consequences than "time out."

- he also has more sympathy, not by a lot, but if he sees someone go through something he did he'll stay silent as he will just be reminded of how it was for him. If it's something he hadn't experienced before though, he'll belittle and laugh at the person in pain

- is pretty well built in terms of muscles, but only on his upper body, his lower body is not trained at all, leg day is not a vocabulary in his book

- never goes anywhere without his sunglasses

- has a sort of obsession with knights and dragons, read a book about them as a kid and just never grew out of that hype

- very possessive and territorial about things he sees as his own

- orphan, doesn't have any memories of his parents, never made it out of the orphanage until he turned 18

- has naturally bright green hair and green eyes, with pupils that didn't look human, which was part of the reason no one wanted to adopt him, with the other reason being his thorny personality and the criminal records

- time out does exist in this universe as well, but rather than a present thing it's more of a past trauma from his childhood at the orphanage

- is the "allmighty supreme lord" of the orphanage, since he's the oldest and strongest. Other orphans praise him and and run errands for him in exchange for his protection so that the couple that runs the orphanage can't hurt them

- he appointed Kinich as the "grand marshal" and together they trained the kids that were past their adoption-prime so that they can fight for themselves, not just in the orphanage but outside as well. These "knights" were there to protect the other kids when the two weren't there. Now that Ajaw's out of the orphanage, it became the job of the first generation of knights, who have been promoted to "knight commanders", to teach their fellow orphans

- he and Kinich used to take the beating for the kids whenever any of the two adults, sometimes both of them, were feeling angry and needed an outlet. Ajaw always threw a few punches back out of spite because how dare they touch his subjects while Kinich just stayed put. As they grew older, Ajaw's punches also grew harder, until at some point he only needed to stand in front of the kids and the adults will back off

- when he was 16 Kinich was adopted by Mavuika, leaving him to care for the other orphans by himself

- Ajaw and Kinich have never been able to stand each other's guts but there's always been a mutual understanding due to the situation they share or used to share

- he was surprisingly in the student council as vice president, the other orphan kids at school spread good words about him and somehow convinced enough people to vote for him. To his credits, he actually did his job decently, all his duties were fulfilled, just not excellently

- he didn't study a lot but still got ok grades, he aced all the classes that mostly required memorization though due to his great memory

- now in college though he does realizes that he needs to actually study and put in effort, that's because he failed his first test. He's been studying like crazy ever since to soothe his ego that had been hurt by the failing grade and is not class topper

- politics science major, studies public relations and psychology as well because he wants to be a politician to rule over everyone

- his living costs mostly get covered by the scholarships he applied for

- a part of the money he gets goes into food for the kids at the orphanage

I did a lot of research on knights and their hierarchy, all for the sake of accuracy because ajaw would be accurate about this if he was a real fan. Anyways, hope you enjoyed and have a pleasant day.

P.S. @sleepycheesecakeowo here you go, hope it suits your taste :)

[jewishregulus]

hold on because your thing with alecto carrow & the carrow twins……… you really did something there

listen okay i could go so crazy about them . i have so much lore trapped away in my brain . but i am going to summarize so fast and quick bc they drive me crazy….

general info abt both of them : they r born in japan bc the carrow family moves there post grindlewald and their mom dies and when she dies they move back to the england but they r poor af after everything so pureblood society looks down on them for being traitors. cue them fighting the entire wizaridng war to be given respect and seen as a genuine member of the sacred 28 and using intimidation and violence to do so… a if i cannot be better than them i will be so much worse moment . their dad is normal and loves them very much they just choose to be evil like that. their mom was a sweet angel also and everyday i cry over her even tho i invented her to be dead . whatever

alecto has a weird misandrist complex in which she hates men but is also performing for them all the time , a man hating lesbian who also can’t escape using the patriarchy to validate her skills and ambition. she loves spiders bc they are matriarchal . she bases her worth off of how well she appeals to others and has so her whole life to the point she barely has a sense of self . she wants to kiss lily evans on the mouth and she worships her like an absolute angel it’s serious and vicious . the few scraps of herself she has left are all about knowledge. she is obsessed w language and translation and tries to learn literally any language she can ever . despite this she still can’t give herself a voice . she wants barty crouch jr dead for the crime of being a man and a degenerate which like fair of her . evan n reg r chill tho bc game respects game . i think if she got the chance to explore Life she’d actually choose to become a teacher like voldemort Made her become , but she would be actually pretty good tbh. her and barty regularly brawl in the teachers lounge. alecto kicks his ass. in the modern college au in my head they are regrettably roommates and each conversation they have sets gay lesbian solidarity back 15 years . alecto is studying classics and women’s studies as a minor …. ik feminism is a big part of her character but chat do not reduce her to this u don’t get it … she has a deep connection to lady macbeth and the movie the handmaids tale . here is her vibe :

and amycus is his mothers son who does whatever alecto wants him to bc he just wants to be by her side. they are so aggressively co dependent . he is obsessed w magical plants and herbology and his favorite thing in the world is a magical venus flytrap he keeps in his dorm that evan keeps putting random drops of blood into the mouth of . his dream career would probably be using magical plants to make new medicines n poisons n such . hogwarts resident weed dealer . therefore he n barty r actually chill . he just misses his mom like so much 😭 he is consistently in morning over the life he could have had . he’s pretty good friends w everyone he’s not like a loner but he is lonely deep in his chest…… of course bc alecto is his sister #feministwomenloveamycuscarrow . every carrow is linked to an insect in my head and amycus is a praying mantis . …. he has the same capability for cruelty like he also is on the field w alecto during the war but like he’d rather be gardening :/. modern college au he’s probably studying biology and is the rlly menacing president of the gardening club. and u think this means he is secretly sweet but he’s literally evil. him n reg have a crazy friendship going in in which they do the craziest romantic shit but it is completely platonic. i’m talking like candle lit dinners . in my head he has a weird situationship w rabastan (who is another story….) but also i have a *whispers* oc….. who in the fic i have planned for them in my head (which i will never write) he ends up w and his name is maxx <3 but i will never talk abt ocs on here . i have some shame. amycus would follow alecto to hell if she asked (he just wishes she would stop going the- *car runs me over*)

here’s amycus vibes

i have so much more i could say abt them . there is so much in my head they have such a deep and complex story … i will take any excuse to yap abt them . anyways they are both gay and one day i will write the alectolily sugar mommy au in which lily is the sugar mommy bc she’s a super famous author n alecto works at an antique book store doing translation n repair <3333 and it’s completely accidental lily keeps paying to borrow these super old books and eventually she just pays for alecto to come over and help her research and then one thing leads to another . and alecto is guffawed when she realizes. amycus. thinks it his hilarious. i think her and lily would have an academic rivals to loves thing going on in canon and in like Any school setting but also just in general. they could be 5 years into their relationship and still competing to be the smartest . i think there is rosekiller alectolily double date hilarity potential. also have a lot of thoughts abt them paralleling to the rosier twins but what do i know … i will leave that to the masters ….

anyways that was my yapping . hope someone felt enthralled .

[cinamun]

do you think that jayce's feelings of ms. marbury being a kinfolk is due to a little unresolved jealousy? hear me out! she said that she was taking piano lessons for a good bit, and so she's obviously had a lot of help and guidance and a good teacher. now, mr. carruthers may be subconsciously jealous that he didn't get much time with his father, which means he could feel like he missed out on jackson teaching him. so here comes a student into his lecture hall, who can play the same way as his daddy and coltrane (which may as well be his second daddy, tbh) representing the time and teaching he missed out on. so maybe subconsciously he's feeling that missed time and jumping to crazy conclusions. i think it'd be very interesting to explore!

also, while coltrane cycles are impressive and crazy hard, ability and skill aren't genetic, they're learned! i would love to know how eva (?) is feeling. single mother, overworked, overstressed, underpaid, lacking time and afforable childcare, and here come's her professor who keeps waking u up in class bc he thinks you're his long lost sister-niece-cousin-twice removed. sir she's trying to make end's meet right now she doesn't need your nonsense! all because your granny wanted to get you out the house in the summer and paid for some lessons. girl

We gotta keep in mind that Jay is... I can't think of an accurate enough word to describe how he is when it comes to Coltrane. He's like the president of the Beyhive if the Beyhive were Coltrane fanatics. He is never ever going to not freak out about Coltrane.

There's some context because I think that part is important. I don't think it's jealousy, it's awe. I also think Jay plays just as good as his dad and played with his dad since he was a newborn, bassinet-bound baby.

Last thing is Eva, she came bursting into Jay's office to fix a grade, Jay was patient. Then she geeks out a little with him at the coffee shop about a different paper?? She's all of the things you described and I bet she's also a jazz nerd 🫖☕

[qqueenofhades]

As much as I love hearing trump getting more charges and would love nothing more than him to get sent to prison, I fear that when he eventually goes to trial, they’re will be some crazy maga nut who could watch him kill their mother and would still claim he’s innocent.

Honestly, I am... not totally sure what y'all want me to say here? I get the fear, believe me, but also, after every Trump indictment, just like clockwork, a lot of Gloomy the Doom Men pop up to pre-emptively insist that it doesn't mean anything, it won't go anywhere, he won't actually be punished, etc. I'm not saying this is that, but it does happen every time, and I just... don't know what I'm supposed to do about it? Is this part of the whole "The System Doesn't Work and Therefore We Are Justified in Not Participating" thing that the online leftists habitually do, or what? Honest question. First it was he'll get re-elected, then it was he will never leave power, then it was the Republicans will win in 2022, then it was he will never get indicted, etc. The goalposts keep shifting so any progress we do make on holding him to account (which is far more than has ever happened to any other American president, including actual war criminal George W. Bush) somehow is "meaningless" and I just?? Don't get it??

First of all, jury selection is a thing, and aims to weed out those who, in this case, are either too vehemently against Trump or too vehemently for him. They want the exact sort of mushy middle voter of which there are far too many in this country, who can be persuaded one way or the other but doesn't have ironclad previous biases. Also, they must have done a good job selecting jurors so far, given that all the grand juries have returned indictments, and at least one of them (the one in NY) had someone who was a fan of conservative talk radio/right wing politics. So if by this you mean one rogue juror will preclude a guilty conviction, that is something that can actually be planned for and prepared, and as I said, all the grand juries seated to hear evidence against Trump so far have returned indictments.

Also, this case has been assigned to U.S. District Judge Tanya Chutkan, who is an Obama appointee and has been willing to sentence J6 defendants harshly in the past. She is widely regarded as competent, fair, and firm, and will not grant any of the bullshit delays that Aileen Cannon the Trump-stooge judge will bend over backward to find for him in the Mar-a-Lago docs case in Florida. So there's a strong possibility this one goes to trial before May 2024, and the judge in this case is neither a Trump judge or a slobbering Trump partisan: indeed, quite the opposite. So I don't think we can assume that she will be so incompetent as to not manage her own trial and/or jury.

Anyway, yes. We don't know what will happen, but similar to the Espionage Act charges he got hit with last time (themselves meriting of a stiff prison sentence) Trump is facing yet more high-level felony charges that come with serious jail time. So how about for now, we don't automatically assume that what will be the most watched and covered trial in a generation will fall apart because of a simple and easily avoidable mistake that even I, a non-lawyer, know how to fix, much less a team of extremely experienced prosecutors who know this has to be absolutely fucking watertight and then some? It will be better on your mental health for the long run and arguably also much more accurate.

[deadsnothere]

I've never requested anything before so sorry of this is in the wrong spot.

If you're still taking requests could you do one with Cynthia and popular girl? Kind of 'Little Miss Perfect' thing

Little miss perfect.

Synopsis - After agreeing to fake date potato, Alias runs into a little bit of trouble with their manager and Cynthia gets wedged into the equation, from a fallen jacket.

WARNINGS!! - MENTIONS AN ABUSIVE ADULT CHILD RELATIONSHIP (Alias & her Manager)

Request - YES!!

Word count - 1.8k

Speak Ali! - Got motivation randomly.

…This feels wrong- this feels so wrong- but here i am!

My name is Alias Foreman.

My brother is Shy guy, he's on a very different popularity level than me but he's also one of my favorite people. He's a part of a ‘gang’ called the T-Birds, their affiliated with the girl gang The Pink Ladies.

And i would never ever say this to any of my friends, but i absolutely adore them. I mean Jane was bold enough to run for president after being humiliated by the people i call friends! And Olivia is amazing, she's just got her head stuck in the wrong place. Nancy is bold, she's talented and amazing! and the prettiest in my opinion, Cynthia. I know it's hard to believe- I mean my brother has a crush on her! but she's just so…Magnetic! She's funny and cute, and reckless, and downright rude, sometimes...but i'm just so pulled towards her!

I adore all of them, but I act like I don't so my parents won't suspect anything…I've been "popular" and "smart" and "perfect" since grade school. If I mess that up now I'm screwed. Which is why I needed a cover, and I knew just the person.

----

“Potato! Can we talk before you leave?” The pink ladies, and T-Birds sat in the same car, obviously all stuffed in as the car is way too small to hold them all. They all stared at me like, I was a threat to their name or something. It made me want to crawl up and die. “Uh- What do you need?” I smiled softly trying to keep a smile on my face as I got glare’s all over. “Uh can we talk inside?-” I pointed to the front door, opening it up for him as he jumped out of the car, almost everyone groaning, realizing their going to have to wait longer now.

“Alias this is really unlike you- what's up?” Patato, who was clearly confused, looked at me like I was crazy. I was looking down at my feet and trying to pull all my thoughts together- “You like Nancy, And- I-I like Cynthia.” When I spoke I immediately closed my eyes, only opening them a bit, to look at his face. Which looked more shocked, than anything. “Y-You know I like Nancy!-” I opened both eyes and looked at him confused. “You're not surprised I like Cynthia?” Now he looked at me, confused. “Not really, Me and the T-Birds have been making jokes about it for years-” My face dropped a bit, before he explained himself. “Not! not because your gay or anything but because both you and your brother like her!-” My face turned into a smile again, laughing. I jumped to hug him. “Oh my god- Ok wait, so now that we both have that established- Do you want to fake date to get their attention?”

He hugged me back for a moment, pulling away as soon as I suggested the fake dating. “Your crazy!-” i interrupted him almost immediately. “But just think! Nancy is going to notice you! Someone will have what she wants- and I'll be able to hang around you guys more- and maybe you can get the gangs to listen to my songs when i perform at the frosty palace, I can send Cynthia messages through them!-” I'd be lying if i said i didn't have this planned out for a while, Like months.

He still looked unsure. “What about your brother?-” I sighed softly, looking out to see if anyone was looking from the car. “I love him, and he's the only one who's truly there for me, but look at cynthia. She is not straight- She is a circle amongst circles.” Potato nodded, solemnly. An idea popped into his head. “Get your coat! You're coming with us-'' My eyes widened in shock. “I can't- I have to perform at the frosty palace!-” Potato thought for a second before grabbing my coat off the rack and putting it on my shoulders, dragging me out holding my hand. “Guys! We're going to the frosty palace instead!”

I could feel them staring at us, feel them stare at me. “Uh- Hi?” A few of them rolled their eyes but either way I somehow got into the car and sat down in between my brother and Potato, who has his arm around me. Nancy was glaring at me, Cynthia and Ant (Shy guy) were glaring at Potato.

Once we arrived at the frosty palace, I could hear someone screaming from the inside. “ALIAS BETTER BE HERE-” Oooh fuck- My eyes widened as i jumped out of the car, grabbing my jacket, Potato grabbed my arm before i could run off. The only one who looked worried was Shy guy, but that's also because Shy guy knew what happened behind that stage. “Alias what's wrong?-” I smiled and patted his hand, acting like i wasn't going to get slapped and punched as soon as i got backstage, i was supposed to be there at 8:00 it's currently 8:02 and my manager is going to be pissed. “It's nothing! My manager just gets a little rowdy sometimes-” Nancy looked over to me with her eyebrows furrowed- “Sometimes? I've seen that women get so pissed-" - “Anyways! I gotta go before I get any later- Bye everyone, thanks for the ride!”

I ran into the frosty palace as fast as my flats would allow me to. As soon as I got backstage, I threw down my stuff on a vanity set there for the performers to get ready. Taking note of my missing jacket which I swear, I grabbed.

“MS.FOREMAN.” Oh shit. I quickly tried to get myself together, grabbing my bag and holding it close to me. “Do you understand how horrible you being late looks to us? Do you really think anyone is going to sign with you if you continue this laziness, you inconsiderate slut!” I stood there, I could feel my body trying to shake as she stood in front of me. I clenched my entire body, stopping the shaking before it could get bad.

“You’re such a brat!”

One.

“I do all of this for you and you come in late!”

Two.

“Other clients have never shown me such laziness.”

Three.

“I could quit- right now! and everyone would believe it's your fault.”

Four.

Two slaps on each cheeks.

I stayed quiet, not showing any weakness. She just laughed and scoffed at me. “Cant even have to decency to show some remorse.” Once she walked away, I sat down at the Vanity. Taking makeup out of my purse and starting to cover the redness is my cheeks.

“You shouldn't let her do that to you.” “OH MY GOD-” i jumped, almost falling out of my seat as Cynthia came out from behind the curtain I usually pulled back to change. “It's- Fine..What are you doing back here? only staff is allowed back here-” She scoffed leaning into the wall beside my vanity as i went back to covering my cheeks with powder. “You dropped your coat, your boyfriend told me to bring it to you.” I grabbed my jacket from her, our hands touched as she passed it over.

She didn't move from her spot as I continued to finish my makeup, inspecting my face. “Tell someone.” I stopped and looked up at her. “What?” She looked at me like I was stupid. “Tell someone what she's doing-” I stood up from my stool and went to her face to face, even if she's a few inches shorter than me. “I can’t- You don't understand-” She interrupted me. “Yes I do! Stand up to her, Stop it!” I rolled my eyes and started to put my makeup away. “No you don't Cynthia. I've been dealing with her since I was five- I told my father! I'm not sure how perfect Anthony has set our home life up to be, but I promise you it's not.” Cynthia looked at me, shocked. “Shy guy hasn't said anything about your home life..”

“Well good- If my home life got to the school I'd be ruined- i’d be killed socially-” Cynthia scoffed and laughed sarcastically. “Come on? Is that all you're worried about- Your social level, shallow Alias.” I rolled my eyes, I could feel anger bubbling up in my stomach, or its butterflies-..I can't tell. “No- it's not all i'm worried about, if it got out to the school i have to take care of four children by myself while my dad gets drunk all the time, I’d be fucked because they would call CPS.” I rolled my eyes again, closing my purse. A stage manager opened the door slightly, not looking up from her clipboard. “Foreman you're on in 10!” I waved at them, with a smile watching as they walked out with no other words.

Cynthia didn't say anything, she wasn't sure what to say. “Listen, that isn't even what we're talking about-! You shouldn't put yourself through that!” I leaned onto the vanity, my head rocking back as I sighed, my eyes closing. “I've tried to tell my dad, he just laughed in my face and told me I probably deserved it.” Cynthia looked around, trying to figure out another way for me to get out. “Listen- I have a contract with her I can't defy.” I finally stood up again once the same stage manager came in, still focused on her clipboard. “I was wrong that last time- Five til!” Watching her leave, I sighed and shook my head fixing my hair softly.

“Listen Cynthia, I’m stuck. I don't know what else you want out of me.” She now stood in front of me, blocking my way to the door. “Just!- You have to look out for yourself to-” I rolled my eyes, trying to get a way out. “I have four kids to look out for, there's no time for myself.” She blocked my way cornering me at my vanity.

I kissed her. My hands slipped! They slipped onto her face as I leaned down to kiss her. Ok so maybe it was stupid decision- but there was so much in me screaming at me to kiss her, and i just had to give in. I had to. It felt amazing for the few seconds she kissed back, but she almost immediately pulled away. When we were both staring at each other, neither was sure what to say. I panicked when her face twisted into some feeling. I couldn't tell what it was but- I was so sure it was disgust. “I-I…I’m so sorry- I have to go!” I was quick to grab a pair of gloves from behind me and run away from her as she tried to grab my arm. I ran into the stage director on the way, telling me I had seconds until I had to be on stage.

The stage and the heat of the lights around me felt comforting for the first time in years.

[bringbackmaes14]

Some of my favorite things my Blorbo from University has done in the classes I've had with him

- He has a thing about "I'm not supposed to teach y'all about "radical" topics like, I don't know, how black people have been oppressed in this country since forever, so once I finish this lecture on Jim Crow laws y'all can send me off to the gulag." And regularly references getting sent to the gulag after lectures.

- He and I have a silly little feud because he's a North Carolinian and I'm a South Carolinian and one time the class joked that we'd ship him off to South Carolina instead of the gulag and he literally pulled a knife out of his pocket and put it up to his neck in front of the entire lecture hall and said "You'll have to drag my dead fucking body there! I'M NOT GOING BACK!"

- He's literally actually a comedian so he tells a lot of jokes in his lectures and just does general fuckery and my favorite account of this is on the first day of class with him one kid was late and he turned to the lecture hall before the kid came in and said "Guys I'm gonna fuck with him just let it happen. Play it cool." and then he let the guy in and once said guy was seated my professor just started lecturing in fluent Russian

- I have a T-shirt on it that says "World's Sluttiest Dad" and every time I wear the shirt he comments on how it's his favorite shirt he's ever seen but he could never wear it because I'm obviously a way sluttier dad than he is

- I told him I was looking for something specific on Facebook marketplace with just a screenshot to go off of and couldn't find it and he said to send it to him because "I'm an expert at Facebook marketplace on account of my brother -you know, the one in prison- won't stop selling our mom's shit on there and it's always my job to find it and buy it back. I'll find it for you."

- I'm starting a teaching assistant position under him in the fall so he was like "oh fuck yeah I'm not just your teacher now I'm your mentor!" except I am also mentoring under his wife who is the head of the graduate studies program that I want to pursue at our college, and when he found this out he told me (in front of my entire class, mind you) "Mentorship cancelled. You're family now. It's inescapable. When you stand up on the stage at graduation me and my wife are gonna be standing there next to the president and when he gives you your diploma we're gonna give you adoption papers with it."

- He uses a golf cart to get across campus and he told us "I'd run each of you over to get you free tuition but unfortunately I don't have a big enough golf cart... Also my wife said I'd just get fired which would be fine because this college is barely paying me anything anyway but apparently you guys would be stuck with a less cool history professor so I've decided against it."

- Okay for this bullet point it's important that you know two things. 1. He was diagnosed with rectal cancer back in January and 2. During the second or third week of class he was late because his truck got rear-ended in the parking lot by a student. Anyway he was late again like two or three weeks later, and we asked him if he got rear-ended again and he said "Guys I've got rectal cancer; I'm getting rear-ended three days a week!" And only a couple people laughed and he said "Oh come on lighten up! It's not like I'm actually going to the doctor every day and they're like 'Bend over now; we've got the spoon!'...haha... Anyway so during the depression of 1893..." and The Spoon lives rent free in my head now. What the fuck did he mean by that???? Was he implying they'd scoop the cancer out of his ass?????

These are just things he's done that I can think of off the top of my head but I could honestly probably write a book with all the crazy shit he's said and done as my professor

"Blorbo from my shows" no. Blorbo from my BA. Blorbo from my major. Blorbo from my primary source document.