#which if i end up having no self-control i might stay up til a stupid time..and i have school tomorrow....
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art app stop crashing challenge
#i probably shouldn't have started drawing rn bc i'm on a roll and i'm not gonna wanna stop#which if i end up having no self-control i might stay up til a stupid time..and i have school tomorrow....
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The Slipknot Incident
Anon, I’m an idiot and tunglr is a functioning website, so I lost your ask while trying to edit shit SO it was just easier to write this up. I doubt many people want to know, and I don’t blame them. It probably wouldn’t seem like a big deal to someone it didn’t happen to! And maybe I should just still be keeping it to myself, because who cares! Amirite? But no. I’ve decided that I want to write it all out for ME. So. Very long post ahead and I’m sorry about that but you need to know EVERYTHING for it all to really make sense.
So, flashback to 1999. I'm 15-turning 16. I have this boyfriend, kirk. He's obsessed with kurt cobain and everything grunge, and uses this to belittle the fact I like all kinds of music, particularly heavy stuff.
He was also an abusive cunt. Verbally and physically. Very controlling, HATED it if i went in the mosh pit (which I L O V E D, and glasgow moshpits are legendarily rough) because "that's not what girls do. And i know this is wrong, and he's wrong, and I shouldn’t put up with it, but I do! Cos I'm 16 and "in love"!
I also have two big sisters, one of which is...a handful. Very dramatic, very argumentative, and very good at getting people to take her side (steeeeeeff you've got to let her take xyz of your things, she has a baaaaaaaaybeee!) We get on amazingly NOW, but then not so much.
So, fastforward to Feb 2000. Slipknot are playing at glasgow barrowlands, my favourite venue ever, and slipknot were already my favourite band (s/t had hit, the world went wild). And I managed to get two tickets!! So kirk tells me in no uncertain terms that I've to give one to his little sister, nicky, who is a year younger than me. I'm like um ok sure, cos i hadn't planned who i was going with yet, my mum just got two tickets just in case. So I say i will, and that's that.
But oh no it isn’t. because my aforementioned sisters birthday is at the end of Feb! And my family are like, you’re giving her the other ticket, right? And no amount of no, I already promised it to Nicky would suffice. Because SHE’S YOUR SISTER AND SHE NEVER GETS TO DO ANYTHING COS SHE HAS A BAAAAAYBEEEEEEE. She didn’t, and doesn’t like Slipknot or either of the support act (Kittie and, thankfully, my good pals One Minute Silence who I’ve seen more times than I’ve had hot dinners)
So I explain this to Kirk, sitting in his room one day. He. Goes. B a l l i s t i c. I’ll miss the details but he explains that I WILL find a way for Nicky to go to this sold-out gig and, actually, him too while I’m at it. Because I have a reputation for being able to blag onto guest lists, it shouldn’t be too hard, right? So ofc I’m scared and promise I will.
The day or so before the gig, Slipknot did a signing in a Virgin Megastore that had recently opened. My friends and I were so excited, we were there from crazy early in the morning to get stuff signed (there ARE photos somewhere in the ether, who knows where, not me). But I’m also terrified Kirk’s gonna find out I’m there, cos he didn’t want me to go. That’s it. We had no idea what the band looked like yet so it wasn’t that kind of jealousy. But anyway...
The signing was great. Got my shit signed, Sid and Chris were weird assholes cos that was their schtick, Jim and Mick gave me the best cuddles, CRAIG SPOKE TO ME cos I have him a wee pin badge and he mumbled “No one ever gives me anything...”, and I gave Joey and Corey nailpolish. Joey looked terrified, Corey was incredibly thankful, and pulled me in for a hug. That he wouldn’t let me out of (not in a forceful way, just in a heeeeey lady let me hug on you for a while) and I’m like uh *panics in 16 not that he knows that cos tattoos and piercings and huuuuuuge boobs* and he says some very suggestive things and my friend said aye she’s into all that freaky shit too and I’m dying inside. Offers were made, I said uh lol maybe bye, and go home on cloud nine.
Until my friend who spoke to Corey tells Kirk what happened. Thankfully I wasn’t gonna see him until nearly door opening gig time, but the phonecall we had was...unpleasant.
So it’s the day of the gig, I go to Glasgow stupid early to meet the OMS boys and beg and plead for them to put Kirk and his sister on the guest list. And they do! Because I cry and tell them everything and I have to make their singer promise not to wait outside and beat him up. I could tell you what I was wearing: a deftones baseball ringer I lost my birginity in, baggies, and a powerpuff girls hoodie. My hair was blonde and green. I was wearing my favourite converse that Kirk hates because they were All-Stars, not One-Stars. And Corey wore All-Stars, was I wearing them because HE wore them?
My sister turns up before the doors open. I’m at the front of the queue cos I want to be down the front. My sister and Kirk are both like lol no, because YOU need to look after your sister (who is 24 to my 16 at this point) because she’s tiny and I go to more gigs, and Kirk doesn’t want me anywhere near the front or the pit. Doesn’t want me to corrupt his sister. But she begs me to take her in the pit for “Spit It Out” and I promise I will.
OMS are incredible, Kittie were ok, Talena tried to crowdsurf and got dropped. I turned around to talk to my sister about it and she was...gone. I checked the bar. Nothing. The toilets. Nada. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck we’re supposed to get the last train home together, I HAVE to find her. Slipknot come on. We’re standing up the back near the bar, and he has a deathgrip on my wrist so I don’t run off. Then I think I see my sister!! I beg to go to her, he lets me go, but I can’t find her, then I can’t find my way back to him. By the time I do, he accuses me of finding and kissing my friend Mark (my best friend who I’d actually recently fallen out with and hadn’t spoken to in months and only knew he was at the gig cos I saw him at the signing. I didn’t see him at the gig). I don’t find my sister.
Kirk decides it’s time to go, so literally drags us away. As we’re nearly out the crowd, “Spit It Out” starts, and I rip my arm away from him and grab his sister, tell him FUCK YOU, WE’RE DOING THIS. So we do. For about...a minute or so. Then something grips my right wrist so hard and so tight I thought it was going to crumble. I literally trip over my feet as he drags me back out the crowd and out of the ballroom.
Now the Barrowlands has a set of couches just outside the main hall, it’s a popular meeting place, so I pulled away again there and said NO, I have to wait for my sister, I’ll see him later, he can go home. Furiously he stomps away. So I sit and wait. And wait. And wait. The entire venue empties and my sister is nowhere to be seen. Turns out she left just as Slipknot started and went home, and yes I got in trouble for that despite the fact she fucked off. The venue staff need me to leave. I’ve missed the last train, I don’t know what I’m going to do. So I walk outside thinking maybe I’ll see a friend I can stay with.
And there’s Kirk and Nicky. Standing by their dad’s car. Hey come stay with me, I didn’t want to go til I knew you were ok, he says, sweet as pie. We get home, everyone goes to bed.
Where he put self-titled on repeat, very low on his stereo, and proceeded to do some of the most horrific things that have every happened to me in my life, over the course of basically the entire night. I’m going to stay non-specific, but if you can imagine it, it probably happened. Including yes, what you’re definitely thinking of now. And he told me it was all my fault. Because I was weak and couldn’t say no. Because I was a slut who’d catch something by fucking a guy in a band just to say I’d fucked someone in a band. That he’d make sure Corey wouldn’t want me if I ever met him again. That it was my fault for talking to another, older man. I was getting what I deserved. He plugged his big fancy headphones into the stereo and made me listen to my favourite tracks over and over and over during some of it, and I didn’t dare make a noise because if his parents found out, if anyone found out, he’d kill me. And I believed him, because he kept a bolt gun in his bedside drawer, liked to pretend he was going to shoot himself with it it upset me and make me beg him not to. He said he’d make me do it to myself maybe, to keep his hands clean. I believed every word.
I went home the next day packed with toilet tissue that I had to clench to keep in place because my underwear had been ripped, not that it mattered because it was covered in blood anyway. When I got home I got a bollocking and grounded because of the shit with my sister. She remembers none of it, but she’ll still insist it was probably my fault she left.
When I saw that Slipknot weren’t playing “Spit It Out” in January I literally cried tears of relief. It took me a long time to be able to listen to Slipknot again, and when I did I was made fun of for liking them, which made healing harder because I was just trying to reclaim this thing that had given me such comfort in the past. So I’ve always kinda kept my love of them to myself.
But when I hear “Spit It Out”, I feel his fingers close around my wrist. I feel the bones click and roll. And normally I can turn the song off if I’m having a bad day, but I couldn’t exactly do that live. That’s a huge part of why I feel me like, reclaiming Slipknot this past year was just...meant to happen. It was nearly 20 years to the day, I bought the tickets with MY money and was going MYSELF for MYSELF, they weren’t playing a song that I might have a fucking breakdown to. I met amazing people. I did EVERYTHING on MY terms.
Honestly I’ll never be healed of it. Duh. But I can talk about it now because I’ve had closure. I took back what was taken from me. Can’t make up for the missed gigs taken from me and the like but meh, that’s nothing compared to what it’s given me.
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Big Mouth Season 3 - Very Much Still Important
Review of Season 2 and 1 , major spoilers ahead
Alright, I finished watching season 3 the other day, and I have to say bravo to the writers, because they always manage to leave us wanting more. What truly awaits these pre-teens this summer? I’m happy that they’re done with seventh grade, but will the next season be about summer vacation, or will we get to see them go right into eighth grade? There’s been news of a spin off about the world the hormone monsters live in, will that be what holds us over until season 4?
Right from the first episode, I knew it was going to be a good season. The show continues to have a good balance between what is happening to both girls and boys at this age. I remember being in the seventh grade, and second guessing every single fashion choice I made. I didn’t really have a figure until ninth grade, but there were other girls that were already blossoming, and I felt self-conscious. Was I pretty enough? Am I frumpy? Is my hair too frizzy?
This season did another great job of showing not only what boys are going through at this age, but also the girls. Because the boys can’t control themselves, and because no one tells them to, the girls are forced into an absurd dress code by this scum bag:
I think we have all had a Mr. Lizer in our lives at some point. The guy who comes off as nice and caring is really just misogynistic and creepy. He mutters under his breath about he hates the girls, especially Jessi. Not to mention that he made Lola think the foot rub was all on her. At 13 of course she would think, how would she know any better? What he did was disgusting and wrong, and I’m glad he got fired.
I’m proud of the girls for taking their bodies back. It was brave of them to take a stand and show that the dress code was stupid. They may not have done it in the best way, but they still proved a point.
Nick and Andrew are a topic I’d like to discuss. We’ve know since season 1 that these boys have been best friends for a long time. We also know that they’ve been growing apart since season 1. Andrew was the first to go through the hormonal change, and Nick was left to catch up. In season 2 Nick went through three different hormone monsters while trying to figure things out with a girl he liked. Andrew stayed hung up on Missy, and somehow got involved with Lola, which just messed up everything else for him. He slowly started to realize that he was becoming a lot like his father. This season Nick got obsessed with his phone, and even though Andrew made many attempts to talk and hang out, he realized that Nick really is just a douchebag. They had their seasonal fight, and instead of becoming friends again, Andrew expressed how he really felt. Nick stopped being there for him. I don’t think Andrew is in the right, but he did recognize that their friendship had become toxic, and enough was enough.
The only time Nick was there for Andrew this season was when Andrew started to lust after his cousin. I’ll say it - that shit was messed up. I was grossed out that they went there, but this could be some real shit that boys go through, idk. And Nick kind of encouraged it and didn’t at the same time. The whole thing was weird.
Nick was wrestling with the fact that Jay was basically living in his house. That’s a major change to go through. He also betrayed Andrew by kissing Missy, and then lying about it. Andrew doesn’t own Missy, and she can do whatever she wants, but neither one of them thought about how the kiss would hurt the people around them. And then when Nick realized he didn’t like her like, he just cast her aside.
Missy went through a lot this season too. She finally got a hormone monstress.
Side note, did anyone else feel sad that Connie didn’t say bubble bath once this season? No one else? Okay, moving on. This new monstress pushes Missy out of her comfort zone. Missy is able to keep some of her boundaries, but something about acting in that play opened something up for her. I loved when her and Jay wrote the fan fiction together. I can’t remember when I first started reading fic, may have been in seventh or eighth grade, and I always thought it was weird thing for me to like. Then I had mentioned it to a friend in ninth grade, and she’s still my best friend ten years later! I was happy to see that Jay didn’t make Missy feel weird or ashamed. I wished we could’ve seen more of this new friendship. AND Missy was the one to get the uniforms disbanded by wearing her same old clothes. I hope she’s able to find a balance with her newfound self.
And poor Jay, he is one of the funniest characters on this show. You never know what he’s going to say, but it’s usually obscene. I lost it when he said something like, “my balls are going to shit”.
We get another close look at Jay’s home life. His family leaves him at home for spring break, and he tries to not let it bother him. He embraces Nick’s family, and becomes a better person by living with them. They discover that he has ADHD and just needed aderol. Unfortunately, Jay sells his medication to his friends, which makes him go back to the way he was. TAKE YOUR MEDS MY FRIENDS! Jay eventually goes back home, and shows what he can add to his family, and they finally accept him. Jay too also comes to terms with his sexuality, and discloses to everyone that he’s bisexual, and he’s okay with it. But no one takes him seriously. He has a heart to heart with the new girl Ali, who told everyone she was pansexual. I know Andrew Goldberg has apologized with how he went about this, but I’m just gonna say that Ali came on a little too strong. All sexualities and gender are valid, periodt.
Jay also called out his friends for fetishizing the fact that it’s “hot” that Ali likes everyone, but it’s not as cool when he comes out as bisexual. He felt hurt and unvalidated. We see you Jay!
Now it’s time for our girl Jessi.
This girl CANNOT catch a fucking break. I was happy to see her figure her body out. That can be straight up awkward, and it can make you want to give up. I love how they showed it with a water rapid, good use of metaphor. And she has been such a good friend to Matthew, covering for him with Adrian. But who is there for Jessi? At one point it was her, Andrew, and Nick, and one of them said, “At least we have each other. Virgins til college”. At that age I can see how that might be a bad thing, but I know a lot of people who were virgins in college. They didn’t graduate that way, but they came in that way. That was the most I saw of the three of them really interact this season. It’s crazy that these last three seasons are all things that happened over the course of a school year.
I need space to say, I am fucking done with Jessi’s mom. Jessi has been more than gracious with letting her mom become who she is. Shannon should be able to explore, and it’s okay that she got divorced, but she has not gone about anything in a good way, and now she’s just starting to be selfish. When Jessi hears her mother orgasm, is it hilarious for us as the audience, of course, but as a 13 year old girl, I would be so mad and mortified. Not only does Jessi have to deal with Shannon and Cantor Dina breaking up, but her dad has begun to see someone new, and now her mom wants to fucking move?! I would have been so pissed off. Again, Shannon should be able to live her life, but she has a young daughter. Couldn’t she wait to go to the city until Jessi is at least in high school? College? Why not let Greg move back in to live in the house with Jessi?
Jessi comes to terms with it at the end of the season, and I think that’s really big of her. I’ll be sad if she ends up getting uprooted. That damn depression kitty needs to leave her alone too. Not one of her friends bothered to check on her about it either, and Nick and Andrew knew she was depressed! That shit doesn’t just go away.
THE FAB FIVE
I was living, henny! I didn’t know which episode they would be in, but this was just amazing. I am so glad they all made voice cameos for this. JVN stole the show of course, and it was so funny to hear they all swear. When Bobby went off about how little the other guys do while he did a whole “fucking” room renovation??? HE WAS RIGHT AND HE SAID IT! And the bird noises Antoni made??? Incredible. Would have loved to see him shrieking into the microphone. I do think the funniest line was when JVN said, “the dumb ones pound the hardest, henny”. I fucking died. They really lightened the mood, and what a great redemption for coach Steve! I am so glad he got his job back.
There are many other things to get into with this season, but what I’d like to end on is that the kids really grew up. People don’t stay friends forever. I had friends in middle school that I did not stay friends with in high school. Even high school I didn’t keep the same friends. Obviously we want to see these kids make things work, but I still think it was very grown up of Andrew to tell Nick he forgave him but didn’t want to be friends anymore. I think when we’re kids we stay friends with people, or keep ourselves in certain situations because we want to be around cool people. I’m very curious to see where this show takes us in season 4. They all went through a lot, and 7th grade really is the most awkward year of them all. So who knows, maybe 8th grade will be better. They’ll have had a whole year of new hormones under their belts. What do y’all think is in store for our friends next?
#big mouth#big mouth season 3#nick kroll#john mulaney#nick#andrew glouberman#missy#jessi#jay#hormone monster#connie#maya rudolph#IMMM GOOIINNN THROUGHH CHANGES#didnt get into the ghost stuff but i loved that episode with duke#jordan peele#netflix#netflix original
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Korrasami/Wuko/OC insert soulmate Au part 3?
@mypureessence 😌 it is finished
I really am trying not to have my OC overrun this but writing her out is a bit of self indulgent therapy for myself so I got carried away
Korra managed to convince Tenzin to let Asami stay at air temple island the night after the gala and Lin didnt let Lee out of her sight, still not convinced she could defend herself. Which royally pissed Lee off.
On air temple island Korra and Asami were clearing the table after breakfast when a knock came at the door. Asami huffed "I'll go get it, its probably my dad collecting me, he's weird about that" however behind the door was in fact not her dad, but Lin and Lee. "Chief Beifong, what a... pleasant surprise"
"Trust me, its not pleasant or surprising,"
"Hey!" Lin gave a scolding look to Lee who only grinned cheekily
"We just stopped by to see if you and Korra wanted to help me take some material from my warehouse out of the city and bring it... into the city"
"Id love to but I have meetings to go to with my dad today so I can't"
"I can!" Bolin called from behind the pair who turned to see him with Pabu on his shoulder "I'd love to see that warehouse of yours and help bring some explosives"
"Asami! Are you alright?" Korra called while walking up behind her "oh... Beifong" ah a nice grumpy glare"
"Korra" Lin responded
"Hi, I'm also here. Name's Lee... you might know me... yeah, just wanted to ask you to join me to my warehouse and help me bring stuff into the city"
"Oh.. uh.. sure, I can help"
"Great, lets hurry, we have to get a group training with Lee by noon today" and with that they loaded up in a truck with Lee driving and Lin holding onto the honorary oh shit handle that she had installed because, well.. 'oh shit this person drives like a lunatic'
Soon enough they pulled up to the warehouse and Lee grinned ear to ear "there she is, home sweet home"
"You.. live in your warehouse?" Bolin asked with a raised pitch of confusion in his voice while they walked towards the big building.
"What? No, the warehouse and storage vaults are connected to my house" Lee gave a laugh as she threw open the doors and went to take a step in, however when she took that first step she tugged at a wire and heard a click. Her eyes went wide at the realization. She had set off a three second tops explosion. She had now two seconds to fix this. Using second number two she lifted her hands and pushed Lin to the right while pushing Bolin and Korra to the left all the while screaming "get down"
"Hey!" Was all Lee managed to hear from Lin when she lit the blue flames in her hands and brought them infront of her just in time to block and deflect most of the explosion. The force sent her flying back ast a pair of trees and into the dirt behind it with a loud scream.
Hitting the ground she felt the air knock out of her. But heard the trio she came with running to her. The air managed to find its way back into her and she sprung to her feet "stay down! Someone broke in" she darted into the warehouse, but not without snatching the pair of cuffs off of Lin's hip, and lit a blue flame in her hand finding a man about to throw another bomb, though she was more prepared this time and made a spin kick to send it right back to him covering him in stinky sap. "Wrong bomb my good sir" she said and cuffed his hands together.
Tossing him out she told Lin to toss him in the back of the car with Bolin to watch him. "Lee, how did you not get hurt from that blast?" Korra asked with a very clearly confused look "and what was that blue glow?
"Oh, right, I forgot everyone assumed I was a nonbender, I'm a fireb-"
"Lee that was incredibly dangerous! What if you got hurt!"
"Shush Lin, I'm fine, I used my fire to deflect it, like I was trying to tell Korra, Im a firebender, I can deflect most explosions, and I use my warehouse to experiment and practice with bombs and the like... though, I do think I may have a few scrapes and bruises from that one, I wasn't as prepared and I didn't know what the timer was set to. I got lucky with a guess. Three seconds"
"Exactly! You. Got. Lucky. Dont do that again without telling me!"
"Lin if I didnt push you aside and control the blast we all would have been take out by it!" Lee jabbed a finger at Lin's chest "even if I did jump out of the way we would have been taken out. My deflecting doesn't just lessen the blow, it controls the blow and how much damage it causes!"
"Well, take a look at your warehouse! Not much danage control there huh?"
"Actually, there is! The entire building would barely be standing if I didnt deflect it! I'm not a helpless little mouse!"
"I know youre not but that was still very dangerous and stupid!"
"Lin. Just. Shut up, I did what I could in three seconds, help me open the vaults and get my materials or just leave and I'll clean up so I can stay" Lee turned back to her warehouse with a huff, the soot covered doors fell off their hinges as she walked in to search for anything outside the vaults that was salvageable.
Korra turned to Bolin and then the Lin "I've never seen anyone talk back to you like that before, Ive never even seen Lee mad before"
Bolin let out a wince at the memory of the small woman looking ready to kill Lin at a seconds notice "yeah, I think you struck a nerve"
Lin however had her arms crossed "what she did was incredibly dangerous"
"What she did saved all of out tails including hers, shes the explosives expert here, she knows what she's talking about"
They all turned their heads quick when they heard banging around on the othwr end of the warehouse paired with Lin yelling some obscenities. Making their way through the debri from the explosion they found Lee using a wrench half her size to hit at a vault valve handle "open up you stupid piece of metal! The explosion is over!" And with one last swing the valve spun and a loud click was hear "finally!"
It didn't take long to load up the different compounds and her personal belongings, given that she kept very little materials at a time and she didn't really have much in the way of material items. Sitting in the passenger seat with Korra and Bolin in the back on either side of the guy they caught, Lee snickered when she noticed the two covering their noses "hah, yeah, stinky sap, great when you want to get a hold on your opponent without hurting them but also want to make them hate their existence the entire time."
"This is the lamest type of bomb I've hear of" Bolin pouted
"I'll say" Korra agreed.
Once they were back in the city, Lin handed the guy off to her men before bringing the explosives materials to a secure storage facility and her belongings to Lin's apartment. By 30 til noon everything was done and Korra left with Bolin to head back to Air Temple Island.
"So.. uhm," Lin started "I wanted to apologize for how I reacted at your warehouse"
"Dont worry, I get it all the time, they see little ole me with my white hair, blue eyes and scars galore and think 'no way she's a bender!' Or 'no way she can defend herself' but Ive had my own back since I was 6" Lee shrugged "Im sorry for yelling at you... I normally don't flip out... its just different with you I guess"
"Yeah, dont mention it, we have to get to the station to set up the explosives division" and with that they were off.
Meanwhile on Air Temple Island Korra and Bolin were explaing what happened at the warehouse to a very disbelieving Asami and Tenzin.
"And she has blue fire!" Korra exclaimed with her hands in the air
"Blue fire? Now thats just ridiculous, the only person known to have blue fire was princess Azula and she was a prodigy" Tenzin argued
"Yeah, well, she used the fire to block the explosion, maybe she only focuses on heat deflection?" Bolin offered
Tenzin groaned "no matter how you try to spin it I'll have to see it to believe it, I mean come on, she doesn't have any feature a firebender normally has, most firebenders have gold, red, or brown eyes"
"Okay, look Korra, I belive you, but I really don't want to be talking about her without her here okay?" Asami said with a smile and took hold of Korra's hand "besides, you promised me you'd take me for a ride on Naga last night" Asami gave a small pout and Korra caved
"Fiiiine, but you should have been there, she yelled at Lin and Lin just took it"
"Woah, hold on, she did what? And she's still here to tell the tale?" Tenzin looked in disbelief "okay. Now I know your full of it, go have fun with Naga goodness, the things kids will make up these days" Tenzin huffed while walking back to where Pema and the kids were
The trio laughed while making their way to Naga, "youre serious aren't you? She has blue fire and yelled at Lin?"
"Yeah, I wouldn't believe it either but I saw it go down, Bolin and I both did
"Yeah, it was amazing, but. Hey, Korra, training tomorrow morning dont forget" Bolin made finger guns at Korra with a wink
"Yeah, will do, see you then Bolin" and with that Bolin made his way back to the arena while Korra and Asami rode around on Naga with and eventually settled down to have a picnic in the park.
Back at the station Lee managed to get into her uniform and was about to step into the room with her trainees. "Before we step in, whats my title? Officer Fox? Or?"
"Captain, you're leading the department so you have the title of Captain Fox" Lin said matter of factly "carry yourself like your leading an army into battle, you need to trust them and have them trust you. It won't be easy"
"You can say that twice" Lee rolled her eyes but Lin smirked
"It won't be easy"
"Oh my gods, shush it Lin" with a laugh she opened the door and schooled her expression while entering.
"Good afternoon officers" Lin started "as you know you're starting training to make up the new explosives division lead by Captain Fox. She will train each of you in the skills necessary. I'll let her take it from here"
Before Lee could speak an officer stifled laughter "I'm sorry Chief, I mean no disrespect, but do you really expect us to believe that little mousey here can teach us anything on explosives?"
Lin went to reprimand the officer but Lee held her hand up "no, Ive got this hun." She held her left hand behind her back and her right at her side when she walked taking a look at his badge she smiled when she read it "officer Tahn" looking up she smiled but had an irritated look in her eyes "it would serve you well not to underestimate little mousey. I've trained myself since I was seven to be a capable hand to hand fighter and bender. Not many have the ability with fire that I do, but most dont try to." She shifted her foot and created sparks "some have enough control to set a target" Taking a step closer to him he took a step back "i doubt you'd like to know if I can do that" she took the advantage of him being off balance to use a quick kick at his ankles to send him to the ground "and I would bet you'd like to know how to deflect and control blasts to lessen damage all around right?" She leaned down to him with a smirk
Tahn cleared his throat and gave a nod "yes ma'am"
"Good. Now, you'll notice I have you paired up in groups of two, one of you on each group is a firebender and the other is either a water, earth, or non bender. Both of you play an important role in bomb locating, identifying, diffusing, and deflecting." She walked along the middle flit of the ten groups. "While training with me I will teach you how to hear smell and feel the start of an explosion up to five seconds before it goes off. While with me I will teach you firebenders how to create blue fire to deflect and control the blast. And while with me everyone will learn how to dismantle a bomb thats been located and identified." Stopping at the end she turned to face the rooom of people staring at her "am I clear?"
When she received nothing but 'yes captain' in response she turned her focus to Lin who had what looked to be a proud smile, it was small, but if was there. "Alright, now, today I'll be demonstrating deflection five times in this room, you will all be outside to watch me. Chief Beifong will hold the remote and I will deflect minor explosions." She made her way to the front and helped Tahn up to his feet "Tomorrow and all of next week I will demonstrate and teach you how to create blue fire, am I understood?"
After they all cleared the room Lee shut off the lights in the room, taking her spot in the center while she waited for any signal. A nearly inaudible click sounded and she lit a small blue flame in each hand before bringing them together to deflect the explosion, the blue flames surrounded the explosion before taking it out and diminishing it to a meal singe on the ground. Extinguishing her flames she picked up on a the smell of rotten meat quickening lighting another flame and spinning on her heel she made a quick stance in time to stop the second explosion. The third she saw a small spark on the ceiling and deflected it with much more ease. The fourth and fifth were both clicks at the same time.
Once she finished deflecting the last two Lin swung the door open and clicked on the light. "So, any questions for today?" Lee asked while brushing a bit of dust off of her shoulder.
"Uh, yeah, how did nothing get destroyed? And how was this approved?" Tahn asked
"Simple answer for the first question, the heat from my fire is hotter than most explosions therefore it has the capability of extinguishing it when concentrated enough. As for the second question, ask your chief, I may be her soulmate but I do not speak for her, nor does she speak for me." Lee smiled "now, given that I had deflected a bigger explosion earlier today, I dont exactly have much energy left, so I'll leave you to your devices for the rest of the day."
"Can... can we try to deflect an explosion?" Tahn asked excitedly
"No." Lee said while fixing her posture "until you manage to create blue fire it is too dangerous for any of you to attempt what I did just now." Lee offered him a smile "I dont want you to get hurt because I didn't train you enough"
Tahn nodded "yes Captain"
"Thank you, now, Cheif Beifong will take over, I need to see a healer, my wrist got hurt on that last one" as she walked past Lin she bumped hips and whispered a "thank you" before heading out.
Back to the park Asami was ecstaticly explaining how the Satomobile worked to Korra who listened intently with a grin on her lips "wow, so, they use... what to power them?"
"Well the different models are powered by different things, some models are run by fire power and some by water power, but most are run by a little thing called Gasoline, its a liquid so Im sure you could bend it out of a car so it wouldn't even start up. But It helps run the motor" and Asami went on yet another rant about the mechanics involved with Korra watching with a bright smile. If this was who the universe chose for her then she was more than happy to accept.
#tlok oc#tlok spoilers#tlok korra#tlok bolin#tlok mako#tlok lin#i will die on my endless soulmate au hill#soulmate alternate universe#soulmates#soulmate#RayMakesSoulmates#MouseyFoxBomb
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All Those Chains You Bear
Word count: 1417
Trigger warnings: Violence, injury/blood, death, goes into detail re: effects of (ritual) self-poisoning
So, this is a new fandom for me! I've loved LoL's lore for a long time, but never thought I'd be able to write fanfic for it... and then Aphelios came out. Something about him and Alune drew me in enough that I made a cover of their theme and finally wound up smashing out the first draft of this story in a clearly lunar (read: stayed up til 5am) frenzy. Now it’s polished, and I hope you enjoy the results!
The title’s from Aphelios and Alune’s aforementioned theme.
AO3 link
Breathe.
Come on. I've done this dozens of times. Have to just - breathe -
Dammit.
Every time, I seize up and let go of the bowl. That moment of weakness could kill me. Can't let that keep happening.
But it's too late to try again now.
A familiar surge of energy rushes through me, forcing every muscle in my body under its caustic, unforgiving whim. But that's the price I pay to... not even to speak with her. Just to be with her.
As much as the poison shakes me to the core, it cuts deeper that I may never see my sister again. Our orbits, our paths in life, led us to separate realms, with this ritual the only way for her to find me.
I drop to the ground, catching myself with one hand. My throat tightens, and my breaths become shallow. It’s almost over. A voice creeps into my mind as I cough and sputter, no longer able to cry out. It is faint and distorted at first, growing ever clearer like the moon emerging from behind clouds.
Aphelios.
I'm here. It's okay.
I just wish I could talk with Alune for a while. I try to say her name, but I can only choke out a pitiful noise.
It always starts with pain. I'm sorry.
I kneel, letting myself recover between gasps for air. Another moment of vulnerability, but one I can use to collect my thoughts.
We have work to do. Raiders took one of our relics. Show them the moon's light.
If only I could answer. I must do that through action.
I stand up, as tense as a drawn bowstring, and leave the gloom of the temple. Every movement I make is awkward, but… I’ll get used to it.
After all, I have to.
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They're camped near the Rakkor, hiding from their wrath. Would-be climbers of Targon, carried away by their own greed. Even the Solari can't pardon thieves.
I'm not far now, but traveling around Targon’s slopes like this is deeply exhausting - more than fighting. But I never know what could ambush me in the night, and I need Alune. I can fight without the noctum, but not without her.
The dull ache breaks my focus and overwhelms my senses. I have to force myself to track a lone, unfamiliar war whoop, echoing from the valley below. My quarry.
There they are. Take this.
Calibrum.
Gleaming stone and metal work their way into the physical realm, taking a slender form in my outstretched hands. The rifle Calibrum is all too familiar, a weapon I can use for anything. I can probably get a good angle from that ledge a few paces away. The brigands are downhill.
Breathe, focus... fire. A bolt of magic flies from my weapon, piercing a man who was standing close enough to my perch that I can see him bleed silver. They'll be looking for me now. I need to enter the fray.
You're fading a bit. Our thoughts separate.
I rarely dread words. These, however, the thought of having to take more noctum… I feel a pang of fear, through the numbness.
I crouch out of view, and take just another sip. The liquid glows like moonlit waters, even more than the night-blooming flower from which I distilled it. It is at once my strength, and the single thing most likely to end my life.
The fresh wave of agony always stops me in my tracks. But this time, I collapse. My limbs jerk, and I’m breathing hard, too hard. I lose control of myself, convulsing as my body rails against the poison in my veins. And then I panic, a primal terror that cuts through even the strongest of my walls.
Even if there were help nearby, I couldn’t scream for it - the best I can do is grunt. I can’t die like this -
Steady, Phel. I’m still here. Starforger’s claws, you’re foaming at the mouth… Breathe. Let it pass.
I think it’s only been a few seconds, but it seems like an eternity before the spasms end. It’ll be a while before I can take on even one attacker, but I don’t know if that will mean minutes or hours. I rest, curled into a ball, recovering what little I can as the noctum urges every fiber in me to move, to fight.
The outlaws still haven’t found me, even after all this. Did Alune misdirect them, or are they merely so stupid that they can’t check the high ground?
Regardless… I wish I could thank her, that she could hear me.
At last I rise, still trembling, and head downhill.
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Crescendum.
The firearm fades, and I reach for another - for Alune. The next weapon to enter my grasp is a chakram, round as the full moon.
There are only six people left in the camp. They're clearly confused. And no wonder; the Burning Ones stamp out whatever they can find of my people.
Of course, they finally grasp what happened when they see me striding toward the windswept clearing they’ve staked out. They cease their fireside chatter, and walk over to meet me. They expect a bargain. After all, one man cannot stand against a group - in their homeland.
"Whaddya want, kid?" The leader's Targonian is... shoddy at best.
I still try to give ultimatums sometimes, out of habit. This is one of them. It’s… embarrassing, not being able to force out a single word when I need it.
"Wildclaw got your tongue?" I don't understand the turn of phrase - it's not in any dialect of Targonian - but Alune laughs as she translates it for me.
Unlike my sister, I don’t have time for jokes. I look the ringleader straight in the eye, and with a flick of the wrist, I send the blade flying.
I'm still stiff, sore, exhausted. But adrenaline is stronger, and I need to stay alive.
I weave between the warriors. They seem clumsy, and they all wield slow, heavy weapons that they now have to reach for. And like most foreigners, they’re unused to the thin mountain air. In seconds, the leader is on the ground, his blood shimmering just like his friend’s.
But the rest are ready now. I've taken on more than five before, and the chakram easily leaves wounds in every one. A woman with a club covered in ice tries to swing at me. She misses, but her companion's axe lands low, grazing my leg.
Severum? Yes. You’ll need it.
I catch the chakram in my left hand, and it disintegrates, leaving this realm. The scythe that forms in my right hand is even smaller, but it fires a spread of magic that saps the life from the hooligans. I feel better, and my own wound shines as it knits itself together.
They're faltering. You can do it, Phel - watch out!
Her voice becomes urgent, ringing in my head, and I realize there's a greatsword headed for my neck.
Time slows down.
Only one way to save myself -
I am with you.
- with the only words I wish I could see her say to me.
I throw my head back and let out a guttural roar. My throat burns from the effort, a feeling that spreads through me. Lunar power surges outward, staggering the few barbarians still standing.
But when the searing sensation ebbs, and ceases to cloud my vision, the cowards lie dead around me.
It’s over, Phel.
Give them traitors' burials before the sun rises. Their supplies will feed the Lunari.
I'm sorry it has to be this way, brother.
My muscles relax as Alune speaks, and her voice begins to fade from my mind. I call out for her - she might be the only one who understands whatever came out -
And she's gone.
The moon is cruel, to keep us so far apart.
For a moment, my mind swims, trying to think of a way to get her back, get her out of that lonely temple beyond this world… no. I can’t give in to that.
I'll bury these friendless fallen, and take back the stolen symbol of our faith. But perhaps I’ll do that closer to dawn. For now, I sit and reflect, surrounded by the carnage I wrought. To ground myself.
To remember the pain, to relive it, to force myself back to reality - away from her.
To feel anything else beside that pain, to hear my own voice again as the noctum releases its stranglehold.
To mourn.
#league of legends#league of legends fanfiction#fanfic#aphelios#alune#lunari#canon universe#angst#violence //#blood //#kestrel writes#i might be like#the third person to write a fic about phel that doesn't ship him#by the way this is the non gw2 fic i was referring to a couple days ago!!!
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How have things been going with Chariot and crew? Maybe I missed some things, but it feels like it's been awhile since I last heard of their shenanigans! Has the gf been helping out? Any crisises? (In the world around them or emotional?) What is the DEALIO I am ready to hear it!
haHAHAHA i’ll be honest i don’t talk much about their emotional/world crises because they are happening All the time. our dm wants to see us suffer. but let’s have a small summary shall we, i’m actually going to put this one under a read more bc we’ve done That Much
so first things first, the gang got shunted into the feywild, i talked about that much. that’s where we picked up our lovely little tiefling monk Fuarthas (Silence, back then) from his awful hag grandmother rosie, found chariot’s masked mom, and then got taunted by a fey demigod in his Hell Maze and he proposed to fuarthas and now they’re engaged because he’s a warlock now it’s fun shit. anyway. we get back to toril with the crew (and chariot’s masked mom’s ship, lovingly dubbed Eri’s Chariot after her daughter and her dead boytoy, that we thought we might have to leave behind) and we find out that in the MAYBE month-long period we’ve been in the feywilds, 2.5 years have gone by on toril. meteors have fallen from the sky, which is now a permanent blood red, people are chanting at these meteors embedded in the city like possessed cultists who attack anyone that threatens to take them out, and the worms coming out of the meteors are like kind of sort of turning people undead?? it’s messed up. Cool Stuff. but chariot’s aunt mom Serenity and uncle dad Patience opened up an orphanage so that’s cool
So we got some magic tattoos in some downtime (Chariot got 2, one on the back of her neck that lets her understand Undercommon, and another on her chest that gives her a free use of Mage Armour per day) and met up with some new NPCs, one of which is traveling with us now as our cleric-fighter and is dating(??) our big tiddy big heart half-orc barbarian Lockjaw, and left our aasimar monk’s kickass wife behind to run her tavern bc she’s expecting. we go to look at some funky stuff going down in the town cemetary. first thing we do is go see erran, our moon elf friend we took into the feywild and hates us now for it, and he takes us into this portal and shows us this weird temple thing his supervisor or something had just discovered. there’s these murals on the walls of meteors striking the earth, and a flood, and some figures sailing on a ship through the sky, and then 7(?) figures, that like kind of seem like Us but not quite on par, so fun stuff, and these two HUGE statues in the main chamber. somebody presses a button and this fantasy Alexa bitch floats down from the ceiling and is like oh shit presences detected. and starts listing these titles, like Sufferer, and Guardian, and Exceptional, and then locks onto jia and is like ABERRATION DETECTED FUCK THOSE SHITS and tries to kill her so she has to run. basically without making this too long we find out that we (chariot, frazier, lockjaw, fuarthas, and frazier’s daughter) are descendants of some ancient heroes that saved the world once, and we grave rob just a little and get some cool magic items, and there’s this prophecy that we’ll stop the apocalypse or something?????? shit’s wack. we go back out to see jia and chariot’s trying real hard to cover for her but she’s like well i cant rly hide it anymore. hey guys i have an illithid tadpole In my brain and it didn’t develop so now i’m also part of a separate prophecy that i’ll wipe out all the illithid. but look at this i can float but chariot and i did some research and the only way to not have it be a problem anymore is to destroy my skull and then resurrect me. so that’s a lot of fun!!!!!
still in that cemetary, we find a trail of meteor worms. follow them into a secret passage that leads to the lair of Sunshine, masked mom’s dead assistant that chariot one-shot, but it turns out she’s a necromancer! she kicks our asses to unconsciousness even after chariot polymorphed into a t-rex and sells us to Neogi in the underdark, which if you don’t know what they are, google them, they’re fucked up spider giraffe eels that are evil incarnate and basically were slave trading us & psychically torturing Jia the whole way!! which made chariot throw cantrip after cantrip at them to try to hurt them so they just mind-control enslaved her over and over so that’s fucked her up good :)
we get sold to some drow after a week. beefy boys were sent to work manual labour til they die, and the rest of us were set to be sacrificed to Lolth, so we go haha we have to get out of here asap. chariot disguise selfs into a drow guard (a man bc i was very stupid) and gets caught 2 seconds out the door by a cleric of lolth, who sets up some mix between a dick appointment and an ass kicking for later bc chariot didn’t like. idk acknowledge her. fuck drow. she and fuarthas (who she was pretending to transport) skedaddle into a side chamber and a drow guard captain comes in. she goes to beat up fuarthas so chariot attacks her and a wild magic pops off and they fall mutually head over heels in love and lust with each other, which is MESSY. chariot convinces her to help round the gang up, but everywhere they look everyone’s gone missing (frazier and lockjaw got into a fight down at the manual labour camp and jia turned into a fish and shrieked so she’s gone) so chariot ends up wined and dined and tries desperately not to let this drow captain Do Her and does not take a long rest bc she has to stay awake and make sure this woman doesn’t wake up and see she’s not actually Erran the Drow Guard. but when everyone wakes up a shadow dragon is attacking this drow camp. cool. yes. awesome. fantastic. hell breaks loose, chariot and zarra (the drow captain) find frazier and jia in a stairwell, zarra kisses chariot goodbye and runs off to do stuff after a hefty persuasion check, jia gets Understandably Angry, we run like hell to find our magic items they bought with us and get the hell out of dodge With Lockjaw’s new orc army he’s recruited and the drow dude we found that’s a part of Frazier’s old order. shadow dragon finds us, holy shit she’s frazier’s adopted mom, she offers us a ride back while chariot very desperately tries to tell jia she doesn’t know what’s going on and why zarra kissed her and why she feels like this (she didn’t know it was a charm !!) and generally feeling Very Shitty. we get to frazier’s old monastery and the charm wears off, chariot and jia have a very long talk and chariot breaks a couple times, chariot steals a bottle of wine to try and feel better, she gets in shit for it and frazier takes the fall, he gets whipped as a punishment which just breaks chariot even more, she puts herself on house arrest for a full week, jia finally starts talking to her again 3 days into that, they do some drugs, chariot makes a deal with shadow dragon mama to split the cost of a teleportation circle and the gang blows up at her but she’s like nah it’s cool. at this point she is using her +9 deception to pretend she didn’t just break for a whole week and nothing happened and she’s totally good now guys dont even worry about it.
side tangent from All That, we go to deal with a giant problem for the monastery and there’s corpses strung up with the symbols on chariot’s palm all over. lots of combat yadda yadda, trap one giant in a room and ask her questions through the door, get some cool insight on chariot’s magics that she still has no idea how it works. turns out there’s a third queen of the feywilds, the queen of night and magic if i remember correctly, and she was shunned for her beauty and her and all of her subjects were made to be ugly and misshapen or some messed up stuff. chariots like oh fuck we were just there and no one said shit about a queen that apparently everyone hates that she has the symbols for on her Hands and honestly on her cape as well half the time. but ok cool that’s some new info sweet.
jia’s still guilting chariot for kissing zarra (even though it was a CHEEK KISS and she didn’t do it) because chariot’s been feeling awful that jia got into a romantic relationship (WITH FRAZIER’S DAUGHTER WHO JOINED JIA’S CULT, FUNNY ENOUGH) on her like 10 month leave bc she assumed she’d never get to see chariot again, but that’s a whole can of worms. lots of emotional fuckage though, chariot feels even worse that that happened bc jia hadn’t even been charmed, etc etc etc. but she’s never gonna say any of it bc she’s terrified jia will leave a second time and bringing any of that up might be what triggers it So!
we get told the neogi are selling slaves to jia’s old god, Ool’zakgothool the Aboleth who has been the Big Bad since like session 3-5, so we need to go stop that shit so we can go take down this aboleth and get frazier’s daughter back. but first we have literally no money bc we got sold and had all our shit stolen so we have to sell the like 700lbs of elven armour and weaponry we stole from a navy outpost place thing in the feywild. so we get to solve a little murder mystery in a gnome town so that’s fun. go back to the monastery, pick up some stuff, get some cool magic items made by our new artificer friend Jokk who’s part of the same prophecy we are, and head out again to fuck up these neogi. but on the way jia suddenly sprints ahead and gets like hug tackled by 5 kids who she apparently raised in her cult, and we get lead back to the marketplace where we plan on staking out the neogi and following back to their camp, but uh oh there’s 100 cultists here who swarm us and there’s some midsommar shit and we just fight the neogi right then and there and that’s basically where we’re picking up now. they enslaved lockjaw who oneshot chariot bc she’s a weak little bitch so jia kicked him in the ribs it was fun. and now we’re holding the elf that threatened to cut chariot’s tail off from our Neogi Cage Days hostage to tell us where the shiny gold head hauncho went bc he dimension doored out while chariot was paralyzed and couldn’t counterspell and we want him Dead. to be continued
#akitheshinigamia#ask#chariot#THANK YOU#WE'VE DONE SO MUCH THIS ISN'T EVEN THE HALF OF SHIT#I'M SURE I MISSED A COUPLE THINGS
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Chapter 25 – R2YM (Re-Parenting yourself due to an absent-mother)
I don’t think I have ever given advice where I have explicitly said “this is EXACTLY the thing you need to do at some point” but with this one here, I kind of am saying that. I am also going to a video on this because it’s a huge chunk of our healing and I don’t think I am doing it justice with just this chapter. All of the other issues I touch on and we discuss amongst ourselves will all come back to this, whether you realise it or not. We are adults trying to recover, repair and re-learn complex AND basic concepts, feelings and behaviours – through no fault of our own. I’m always stressing that healing is so important because you don’t deserve to live the rest of your life tormented by this because of vaginal circumstance (lol) – you had no say in the hand you were dealt, please remember that. Let’s get into it. To put it very simply, a parent has two responsibilities – to nurture and support you emotionally and to provide discipline and boundaries. So you get the cases of overly strict parents who don’t show love and you get the parents who are overly nurturing (to the point of unhealthy) and set no boundaries or rules. A lot of us sadly have absent-mothers who actually failed to provide BOTH of these key templates. If you are sitting there wondering why every situation feels like the end of the world and you can’t keep your emotions in check – like it isn’t just sad or angry when something happens – it’s MANIC – then this is why my lovely people. I’m not saying that there are not people that thrive regardless of the odds, because of course that happens, not often though, I promise that. If there is no nurture and no discipline, you get to adulthood and everything is chaotic. It takes us much longer through trial and error to understand how to navigate and behave in certain situations. For me, I didn’t understand boundaries in terms of my behaviour – it’s fine to be angry, but for example – I would express that in a destructive loud way that would essentially affect the people around me. It’s fine to acknowledge it isn’t your fault, you are hurting and re-living trauma day in day out. What isn’t okay, is to continue living this way because we just can’t function that way. I’m going to be 25 and I have decided that I didn’t die when I was suffering as a child and I’m sure as hell going to keep fighting for that child because she fought for me to be here today too. If this is not going to ever going to stop hurting, well at least I stayed fighting on my feet than on my knees for that little girl. You will see your inner child pretty much every time you are triggered, hurting, in an emotive situation or confrontational situation (until you are aware of it and can try to refocus). When I am feeling in any of the above ways I am child like, in the way I cry/shout/scream, my body language, my submission to the situation and the pain, in the things I can sometimes say that are ‘childish’ in the sense that.. it just isn’t true or logical and if I wasn’t upset I would of course know that. It’s hard to explain but I think you will get what I’m saying. If you weren’t taught how to handle your emotions and you weren’t given a solace, why wouldn’t every situation ever feel like the end of the world? You literally don’t know any different. If you wonder why everything hurts so much, even when you feel like it shouldn’t be that deep – this is why. If you weren’t given discipline (in a healthy way) and taught boundaries, why wouldn’t you behave impulsively and out of control when your inner child comes forward and you’re in pain?? It is NOT your fault. This is where re-parenting and your inner child meet. You need to be able to focus on the two things you weren’t given by your mother (it could be one for you) which is nurture/emotional support and discipline. It’s about soothing yourself, speaking kindly to yourself. I honestly talk to 7 year old me when I’m in pain, hurting – when an intrusive/horrible thought enters my mind, I treat it as if it’s a child saying that. And I will soothe her, and comfort her – I talk to myself as if I am a child that needs nurture and support. If a 7 year old came up to you saying the negative things you say to yourself – you would be so upset. I’m not just talking about the traumatic stuff, even the every day stuff. I don’t know about you, but I am hard on myself about everything, even if I knock a drink over by accident?! And instead of going to myself ‘Oh you stupid bitch, why are you so clumsy you can’t even walk past a drink right!”, I would say “It’s just a drink, you got this, just wipe it up and move on – what would you like to do today?” do you see the difference? I am not going to keep being horrible to my inner child as my mum was to the real child version of me. It’s the same with the discipline – it can be to the huge traumatic things, to the small situations. When I’m in an emotive/confrontational situation, I get the urge to throw things or scream and cry like it’s the end of the world, because it ACTUALLY feels that way. I know I’m going back into a state of trauma, my inner child is reenacting everything she has seen and she is navigating the situation how she was taught/not taught. Instead of letting her go “This hurt so much I have no words, nobody is listening I need to physically show my pain and keep screaming til they understand how much it hurts” I will tell her “No darling, nobody will ever listen that way, it isn’t fair – they have boundaries too. I know you’re hurting, but you aren’t going to get the help you want this way”, do you see the difference? It’s not unkind, but it is still firm. I still have to be held accountable. It’s also very easy for me to slip away into my head and not want to come back to reality to do the practical things I need to, like for example even a phone call I need to make for an appointment or something. The discipline kicks in there, instead of going “no, i’m hurting too much, it can be tomorrow’s problem if she is ok” I will tell myself – “no, doing this thing you don’t want to is self-care and you know it, it’s just a phone call and you can be sad again if you want when it’s done or you might feel better for it”. Everyone has an inner-child, some people fortunately only have positive attributes come forward and some of us unfortunate have had no template or a very toxic one. As long as my inner-child needs me, I will keep re-parenting her, that’s my duty now – just like a parent to a child. I am that committed to her and I love her that much. Does this make sense?
#Run2YaMama#R2YM#advice#blog#support#guidance#discussion#sociology#absentmothers#absentmums#mothers#daughters#childhood#reparenting#innerchild#mentalhealth#trauma#coping#neglect#anxiety#depression#ptsd#empathy#community#women#healing#selfcare#abuse#wordpress#writer
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the Devil wears Gucci-Part 3
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Masterlist
▪︎series Masterlist
▪︎Kim Taehyung x reader(featuring Kim Namjoon)
▪︎1.7k words
•Enemies to lovers au, fashion industry au, loosely devil wears Prada au, f*ckboy au, fluff, romance, angsty banter
As the dedicated personal assistant of the genius mind behind House of RM, the empire that rules the fashion industry, your world is turned upside down the day Namjoon personally asks you to train his newest hire- the eternally insufferable opposite Kim Taehyung.
(Not my photo. Credit to vantaeholic)
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(Tae’s lunch || Tae’s POV)
I used one of my fries to poke the others around my plate, trying to figure out how I’d screwed this up all ready. I know I tend to joke around a lot, but it always seems to put women at ease. Things go better when they’re laughing. And whose day isn’t better for being flirted with?
I just had to work for the one girl who got pissed off by it. Everyone likes me. So what was the problem? Even the women at the cafeteria here liked having me smile at them or tell them how beautiful they were. Women liked that kind of attention, right?
Everyone goes through their day trying to impress the world around them, but everyone else is so wrapped up in themselves that they never even see them. I see it. I see how long the girl who took my order spent trying to cover up her freckles with her makeup, so I told her how cute they were. I saw how tired the woman who gave me my change was so I told her how much her eyes sparkled in this light. I noticed how nervous that cute girl across the office was so I smiled at her. What was so wrong with that?
Why did ____ have to look so disgusted with me all the time? I was just having fun. Life is hard enough anyway. People want to laugh. People want to be told they look good. And so what if I get a date out of it or someone invites me home. We’re all adults and we’re allowed to have fun. No one needs to be that serious all the time. And God, she worships that maniac, doesn’t she?
She got so mad when I mentioned it though. I thought girls liked talking about their crushes, but... maybe ____ is more private than I thought. Maybe I took it too far. It’s just so infuriating how she talks about him. She’s just so wrapped up in praising god Kim Namjoon- she made it so obvious that she had a thing for that egomaniac. I thought she’d finally laugh with me or at the very least blush and elbow me in the ribs, but she looked….i don’t know. She looked hurt. I think I crossed a line I didn’t mean to.
God, it’s barely been a day and I’d wrecked the only good part of this job. I noticed her the second I walked into that office. She got to me in 2 seconds flat. That hair, those legs, the way that skirt hit her curves- it made want to wrap my hands around those hips and bend her right over that jerk’s desk. God. I was already gone the second I laid eyes in her...
But then when she looked at me and I saw her face….she was beautiful. She’s quick and clever and obviously good at what she does. Everyone here seems to get along with her. I like ____. Honestly, she seems pretty cool. She’s just stuck on that douchebag. But hey, some girls are are really into that whole power and authority kink. Who am I to judge?
I just didn’t think there’d be any harm being vocal about things since everyone seems to think I won’t last here very long anyway. Might as well shoot my shot while I can, right ?
I slid my hips down in my seat and raked my hands through my hair. This place would never be my first choice, but it didn’t seem that bad, I guess.
There were things I’d much rather be doing with my time, but I’d do it for my mom. Anything for her. My stupid uncle in her ear caused this whole mess. At the end of the day, all of this was his fault for meddling in my life anyway.
Chin propped in my hands, I looked out the hundredth set of floor to ceiling windows I’d seen today wondering how long I’d even have this view when movement in the corner of the room caught my eye. It was ____. I felt myself starting to smile just because she was here. Maybe we could get on the right foot now and she’d loosen up a li-wait. She looked like- like she’d been crying. The skin beneath her eyes was puffy, and the light she’d had around her earlier seemed.... dimmer. Her teeth were clenched, her chin set extra high as she walked my way, white knuckling the tablet in her hands. She looked pissed. But calmly so, which was honestly scarier.
Crap, I really stepped in it this time, didn’t I?
I quickly scrambled to stand up from the table, but she pulled out a chair instead and sat down beside me. Folding her fingers together on the tabletop, she cleared her throat and looked up at me, challenge and grit lacing her gaze.
“Have a seat please, Mr. Kim.”
For the first time in a long time, I had no idea what to say, so I followed her instructions.
“I’m glad to see you retained enough information from our tour to have been able to find this place. That’s a good sign at least. If you already have the layout down, I’ll brief you on what a basic day here looks like. Tomorrow Namjoon will be returning from a charity gala in Miami. On a typical morning, he is to be greeted with his hot coffee of choice, typically an extra hot hazelnut latte with an extra shot of espresso. Not two shots. Not three. Just one. Trust me, he’ll know. He despises soy milk and has an almond allergy so no fancy milks unless you’d like to be wearing it as an accessory for the rest of your day. Now that is a normal day, however, when he returns from a red eye flight, he expects to be promptly greeted with the first step of the juice cleanse from the Buddha bliss juice bar down on 7th so he is not visibly puffy during any press work for the day….”
She rattled on like this in detail for the next 15 minutes and it finally started to sink in who the real power at house of RM was-_____. Sure Namjoon pulled the big levers, but she made sure he never fell apart and that seemed like a super power all by itself. She knew every like, dislike, allergy, pet schedule, dry cleaner, exercise schedule, person to kiss up to, person to avoid...And she knew every contingency to tweak things for so he didn’t go off the rails and downsize half a department for their assumed incompetency just because he was sleep deprived and jet lagged off a red eye after being dumped by his latest high profile fling.
Not gonna lie- it was extremely impressive. And kind of hot. I don’t know if I’d ever seen a girl that strategic and smart. She really knew what she was doing. How she managed to be three steps ahead of the world's youngest self made man was a fearsome thing to see. The way she analyzed all these situations made me wonder if she was analyzing me too, but I didn't think on that for too long. She didn’t romanticize him this time. I noticed that. Just laid out all the facts as they were and how to troubleshoot for all of them. It was like watching a master explain chess strategies, and I respected it.
But at the same time, it made me wonder. Just how much of a man-sized brat was Namjoon? it was kind of disgusting how much the man needed to be coddled honestly. How easily everyone accommodated his massive ego. It definitely didn’t help me hate him any less.
“So!” She resolved, tapping a stack of papers against the tabletop to level them out.
“I realize that was probably an onslaught, but you have to dive straight into the deep end to stay ahead here. Any questions?”
“Yeah, just one: what time do you get here every day?” I leaned forward on my elbows, searching her face. She seemed caught off guard by my question, quickly trying to rearrange her expression after feeling like she’d been in control for our entire conversation.
“Just before 7am. I try to beat Namjoon here so I can prepare things for the day. It doesn’t always work though. It’s almost like he sleeps here sometimes.”
“And what time do you go home?”
“On paper? 6pm. In reality? I’d say typically 10 on a good night. Somewhere between 11 and midnight on his particularly temperamental days.”
Holy crap. Was she serious? “Last question.”
“Okayyy…” she pulled back from the table, body language screaming discomfort about where I might be going.
“So, if you’re here- how many days a week?”
“Five.” She answered succinctly, tone clipped. “Unless we’re approaching a deadline for a project- then weekends become mandatory too.” Jesus.
“And any holidays?” I add. Her gentle face is steely and guarded. I wouldn’t trust me right now either, dollface.
“Of course not. But there often is more work to be done than that accommodates so I usually come in anyway.”
“Uh huh. Right. So! Let me get this straight- you know what? for your sake, let’s even round down some. Let’s say, you’re here six days a week, working anywhere from 11-15 hour days. At minimum, you’re working well over at least 15-20 hours of overtime PER week with no vacations— which is not only unethical, it’s illegal. All for the glorious empire of Kim Namjoon. So. Riddle me this-when do you ever get to live your own life?”
Silence.
She dipped and furrowed her eyebrows at me. I could see her lashes fluttering as she scrambled overtime to come up with a defensive answer for me. I settled back in my seat, arms draped behind my head, knowing in some weird way, that I had won.
“You’re beautiful. You’re young. This can’t possibly be the way you want to spend all your time. Tell me-When was the last time you slept in til the sun woke you up? The last time you had a Netflix marathon in a grubby old T-shirt with dorito stains on your fingers and a giant glass of wine? Or! even went out on actual date for that matter? Why are you here wasting your 20’s away in this place running Namjoons company for him and getting none of the credit?”
She gaped, beautiful mouth struggling open and shut like a fish freshly yanked out of the water. I couldn’t tell if she was furious with me or just lost. It didn’t look like she’d ever asked herself that before.
“Look, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll do my job here. I’ll do what you ask. But do me a favor and think about that. It’d be such a shame to see so much beautiful potential go to waste.” I pushed off from the table to stand. I felt my chest swell- I had the upper hand again. “Now, I believe you mentioned something earlier about finding me a desk space upstairs. Shall we get started on that? I’ll need a pleasing environment if I’m expected to slug through all of Namjoon’s nonsense on a daily basis. The closer to you, the better.” I started to walk away, not waiting for her but knowing in my gut she’d follow. She wasn’t the only one allowed to have a mic drop moment.
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Part 4
Series masterlist
Thank you guys so much for reading til the end and visiting my little corner of the internet. I am SO excited about where this series is going. I started writing one of the last chapters first and have been going backwards to figure out what happened to get us there and- you guys- I can’t wait for you to see!! Should I try to come up with a regular upload schedule?? Let me know. ✨
#the devil wears gucci#bts imagines#bts fanfic#bts fluff#bts rm#bts scenarios#kim namjoon fluff#namjoon fluff#btsboyfriendmaterial#bts enemies to lovers#bts fashion au#enemies to lovers au#kim taehyung fluff#kim taehyung fuckboy au#bts v x you#bts v x reader#kim taehyung fanfic#kim taehyung x reader#kim taehyung x you#namjoon fanfic#rm fanfic#bts rapmonster#bangtanfancampfics
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Happy Holidays, Taylor! We are thrilled to “invite” Ginny Weasley (fc Luca Hollestelle) back to Hogsmeade for a little forced Winter Cheer. We particularly liked the references to Tom Riddle’s past possession and are looking forward that nuance in game. You requested change has been approved and will be included in Ginny’s updated bio (to be posted shortly).
Please pack your bags and send in your tumblr. Additional information can be found here!
OOC DETAILS:
NICKNAME: Taylor
AGE (must be 18+): 27
PRONOUNS: She/Her
ACTIVITY ESTIMATE: Moderate - full time job, holidays - but I have a week off for Christmas coming up soon :)
CHARACTER DETAILS:
FULL NAME & NICKNAMES: Ginevra “Ginny” Molly Weasley. Some of her friends call her Gin.
BIRTHDATE: August 11th, 1981
BLOOD-STATUS: Pureblood
* GENDER IDENTITY: Cisgender Female
* GENDER PRESENTATION/PRONOUNS: She/Her
* SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Ginny’s sexuality is bisexual.
CHARACTER SITUATION:
OCCUPATION: Chaser for the Hollyhead Harpies
HOUSING: Hollyhead Harpies housing - not every teammate lives together, but a bunch of the single women stay in a team owned house - much like a sorority.
SOCIAL STANDING: Born a pureblood, poor upbringing, but now that she’s rather famous she’s making a good income and helps out her parents and other family members should they need it.
CHARACTER CONFIGURATION:
TALENTS/WEAKNESSES -
Talent: Quidditch & Athletics, Hexes, Impressions
Weakness: Potions, Sleep Paralysis (she’s been getting it since the Diary), Focus on anything she’s not committed too (her grades in 6th and 7th year are absolutely wretched - she’s lucky she graduated)
STRENGTHS/FLAWS - two or three of each (personality not skills!)
Strengths: Loyal, Protective, Hardworking, Accepting, Patient with certain people, Funny
Flaws: Obsessive, Can shutdown to protect herself emotionally, Grudge holder, Hot-headed with certain people, Judgemental to non-misfits (Fleur, Cho, Slytherins, anyone she thinks might have it a bit too easy she’s a bit harder on)
CHARACTER HISTORY: please write one short paragraph for each. (I’m so sorry. What is short?
FAMILY BACKGROUND
Growing up, Ginny’s life was ordinary. Well as ordinary as it could be for a lower-income wizarding family of nine, in which she was only special because of her gender. It was a novelty, being the only girl in a gaggle of vivid ginger boys, whom all had a booming personality that internally struggled to shine amongst each other. That being said, Ginny’s childhood was happy. Loving parents who had come out of the first war with themselves intact and enough love to go around their large lot. One by one, all of Ginny’s brothers turned of age to attend school, making the months between September and May lonelier, until it was only her and Ron. It was due to this that she had grown a kinship with the boy who was only a year older. Mud puddles and pretend, debating whether the Harpies or the Cannons were the superior team (obviously the Harpies!). That is until Ron turned eleven and everything changed. Harry Potter returned to the wizarding world, and invaded their lives as Ron Weasley’s best mate.
It was safe to say that Ginny was immediately infatuated. The first celebrity she’d ever had the pleasure of meeting with just a simple smile at King’s Cross, followed by a lonely year alone. It was spent mostly using the Bill’s old broom he’d left behind in the shed to practice quidditch and counting down the days until she was at Hogwarts with her brothers, making friends, and chatting with the Boy Who Lived.
Except that wasn’t what happened. Ron had moved on, found a kinship with Harry and Hermione that didn’t have room for her, and instead she was left to figure it out on her own. But she wasn’t alone. No, she had found a friend in a book, only a week before school and he had twisted it’s grip into her heart and fed on all of her insecurities. Isolating her from those that were her age, with every heartfelt secret she gave him, the more pull Tom Riddle had until he was finally controlling her completely. It was truly terrifying. Missing moments, blood on her hands, her peers turning up petrified as a villain whispered in her ear. How was it that someone could tear a person apart while still making them feel like he was the only one that understood or cared? A master manipulator, it took her months before Ginny tried to get rid of the diary. At first she suspected she was going mad, but it had fallen into Harry’s possession and in her first act of Gryffindor bravery, she had to steal it back.
But regaining the diary simply gave Tom her power again, allowing him to use her as a pawn to draw the “Boy Who Supposedly Destroyed Voldemort” into the Chamber. It was her life-force that almost brought Tom Riddle back into his youth, but when she awoke she was free. Free to confess to Harry what had been going on for all those months, and it was with him she returned from the chamber.
After Tom, she was left to pick up the pieces. Over the years she found a friend in Hermione, who urged her to be herself. In Neville, who accompanied her to the Yule Ball just so she could take part, and in Luna, who was intuitive and open-minded. She dated people who saw her as more than just another Weasley and killed it on the quidditch pitch after all those years practicing alone. Dark times arrived, Ginny stepped up, becoming one of the original members of Dumbledore’s Army and even helping to suggest it’s infamous name. Rebellion is in her blood after all, and when Harry, Ron and Hermione planned to flee for the Ministry in order to save Sirius, she fought to follow along.
It was as if she was finally being seen. Not only by her family and peers, but after that by Harry as well. She could feel his gaze when she entered a room, heard it in his laugh that his heart was a little lighter when they smiled about the same stupid thing. She knew that that she didn’t know everything, and that peace wouldn’t last, but when he caught her in his arms that day in the common room and kissed her in front of everyone Ginny felt like she might explode with happiness. Finally she was out of her shell, absolutely vibrant and it had gotten her what she wanted all those years ago.
And yet their relationship was short lived, not because they didn’t want one another, but because duty called. Dumbledore left Harry a nearly impossible mission and the world fully knew the danger that was about to embark. Her eldest brother’s wedding proved that, as chaos reigned on Bill and Fleur’s guests. Another reminder that they were at war, as Ron and his friends left without a word. Ginny left to pick up the pieces once again.
LIFE DURING THE WAR
Ginny held her own during the war. Returning to school with Neville and Luna, they started up Dumbledore’s Army and housed students who needed safe-keeping in the Room of Requirements. She was headstrong and defiant, breaking rules and refusing to hurt anyone that didn’t deserve it. This caused a lot of problems.Sometimes only for Ginny, or the other DA leaders, who would take the punishment tenfold knowing that no one would follow someone who had cursed them earlier that day. Sometimes for the student that they were told to torture, who would then have their caster replaced by someone much more malicious. Someone who wouldn’t dare take it as easy on them as another DA member.
It’s Ginny who remembers the Sword of Gryffindor though. Remembers Harry killing the Basalisk with it, the first “Fuck you” to Tom she could associate anything with. It ended up with Snape finding them, not knowing what to do except hurt them (though less so then the Cruciatus) and send them off to detention for the next unknowable future. Except it’s Hagrid she’s with, and at least she’s out of the castle. Anything is better than the castle.
When Luna gets ripped from her arms by Death Eaters though she thinks it might be over. Her and Neville end up crying alone when no one else is looking and she feels like her whole body is being ripped apart. Her best friend! How could this happen?!
Eventually the Weasley name is too much danger though, her association as Harry Potter’s love interest - even after the break up - forces her into hiding and Neville’s left on his own, though he insists. She hugs him goodbye so tightly she’s forced away from him by her father and off to a safehouse they go, only to return for the battle of Hogwarts at the end of the school year.
LAST THREE YEARS
She lost a brother in that battle. Lost so many friends. The whole summer is funerals and mourning, and she hates how much her mother cries. She’s almost relieved to go back to school and nurse her heartache away from her family, away from Harry whom never really comes back to her. And yet with the castle rebuilt and the Death Eater’s gone, nothing is right. She barely goes to class (which has Hermione a tizzy) and spends almost all of her time on the Quidditch pitch - a golden Captain’s pin on her robes. She gets good. Really bloody good, better than anyone else in school. It’s the only way she gets to sleep at night, exhausted from running drills and practicing til her pale body is littered with dark bruises and her muscles are sore. She likes the ache though, the fact that it’s self-inflicted instead of being given to her as punishment.
She gets recruited at the end of the year by the Hollyhead Harpies, and after graduation she moves from the Burrow to the Harpy House with the other girls. It’s her first time in a sisterhood, her first time surrounded by women who understand her, the first time she’s seen as really fucking good at something and she loves it. Loves the distraction. Loves the whirlwind nature of the job, loves the fact that she can send money back to her parents so they can live comfortably (even with one less son). Loves the fact that she has her own room, and when she wakes up at night unable to move there’s no one there to judge her, no one there to notice that Tom looks at her from the corner of the shadows. Loves the fact that it’s nowhere near Hogwarts at all.
HOLIDAY DETAILS:
Just dinner with the family, opening presents to reveal her mother’s homemade knitted sweaters, and listening to Celestina Warbeck warble through the Burrow. Her family isn’t religious, but they celebrate Christmas every year as an opportunity to spend time together. While Ginny doesn’t go home as often as she should these days, she never misses a holiday - she couldn’t do that to her mum. It’s been a bit odd ever since Fred passed, but it seems they’re getting somewhat used to it. Minus George… they’re all pretty sure George won’t ever get used to a Christmas without his twin.
OOC SUPPLEMENT:
SHIPS: I’m a total sucker for Hinny, but up for anything really.
CHANGES: Ginny doesn’t torture anyone while in school. She’s more likely to defy orders from the Death Eaters in school and make everything worse, or take the punishment herself. I firmly believe that her, Neville and Luna doesn’t harm any of the DA due to believing that no one would follow them if they did. Their purpose in Hogwarts was to try and be a safe space and protector, as well as mess things up for the Death Eaters. I think, while sometimes it would be the logical choice to just do it and go easy on the other students, the proud Gryffindor in Ginny would flat out refuse no matter the consequences.
FACECLAIM: Luca Hollestelle or Rose Leslie
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Can you explain your reasons for those songs? I think it would be a nice analysis from you and would be v interesting!
Aww thanks! Well, this will again be opinion and interpretation based. No one can tell you what a song means to you, so these songs are just how I personally see them ^^
Warning: This will be very disjointed and ranty in places, I don’t know how much of an analysis you can get from this but I hope you enjoy~
Shuu - Do I wanna Know? by Arctic Monkeys
- This song is slow and has a sensual vibe to it, but beyond that, I somewhat feel like there’s a darker tone underlying it.
Lyrics like these: ‘Have you no idea that you’re in deep? I dreamt about you nearly every night this week. How many secrets can you keep? ‘Cause there’s this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow, And I play it on repeat until I fall asleep… ‘
- remind me of Shuyui, and in particular, Shuu’s brand of manipulation. Both he and the song lull the listener into a complacent state because of how lazy sounding they are. But the creeping, building vibe of the instrumentation, combined with the singer has menacing undertones behind it’s lethargy, making it perfect for Shuu.
Read more under cut~
Reiji - Arsonist’s lullaby by Hozier or I’ll be Good by Jaymes Young (this one is if Reiji has been redeemed through his development)
Arsonist’s lullaby is like a parallel to when Reiji was a child and burned down Edgar’s village. The song shows different stages of the life of a pyromaniac, childhood, adolescence, adulthood. The first part of the child segment reminds me of child Reiji, in that it describes him hearing voices that he can’t reach or respond to (in the song it could mean he’s schizophrenic, but for Reiji it could mean hearing Beatrix and Shuu who simply won’t hear or ‘see’ him)
The lyrics ‘All you have is your fire. And the place you need to reach’ represent Reiji’s inherent nature to strive for knowledge and acknowledgement. His fire is his intelligence and ruthless set of principles that he expects everyone including himself to adhere to. Reiji is always trying to prove himself, just not in the ‘louder’ way Ayato seeks attention.
The Jaymes Young song is just what it says above, Reiji’s possible redemption through Yui, and his acknowledgement of past misdeeds. Reiji canonically confirms that he burned down Edgar’s village but he does not gloat about it, he simply says he was ‘a child at the time.’ While this doesn’t excuse his actions, it does show that Reiji possibly regrets how he went about his feelings of pent up bitterness towards Shuu.
Ayato - Glory and Gore by Lorde, or Underdog by Kasabian
Glory and Gore is exactly what it sounds like. It has a Gladiator theme and overall links to Ayato in how it’s centred around chaos, and seems to hate the higher ups- the needlessly wealthy who create rules. ‘Dropping glasses just to hear them break’ perfectly describes Ayato to me. He’s been stifled by the royal lifestyle all his life, so the wine glasses are a perfect symbol of excess wealth.
The royal buy things simply for the sake of doing so. Ayato can break things simply because he wants to. Anything material can be replaced easily, so he’s has never learned a sense of responsibility and actively hates the laws set in place by the rich because of his oppressive, abusive mother.
Underdog is exactly the same, with lyrics like:
‘It don’t matterI won’t do what you sayYou’ve got the money and the powerI won’t go your wayI can’t take for the peopleThey don’t matter at allAnd I’ll be waiting in the shadows‘Til the day that you fall’
Kanato - Blue by Birthday Massacre
A very yandere sounding song. It talks about the expectation of waiting for someone in a very light, pleasant sounding tone, which reminds me of nicer Kanato, when he’s calm. And then suddenly the tone of the song shifts into a dark voice, showing Kanato’s wrathful side.
Laito - The Hills by The Weeknd
This one might seem a little strange at first glance, but essentially to me, the song is about a secret relationship and booty call. It parallels Laito’s overabundance of pleasure, to the point that he’s become jaded by it.
‘I only call you when it’s half past fiveThe only time that I’ll be by your sideI only love it when you touch me, not feel me’ - shows Laito’s desire for the physical and not to connect emotionally with his lover. He remains in control through sex.‘When I’m fucked up, that’s the real meWhen I’m fucked up, that’s the real me, yeah’
Subaru - Take me to Church by Hozier
Again, this might seem odd. Basically, if you think of these lyrics:
‘The only heaven I’ll be sent toIs when I’m alone with youI was born sick, but I love itCommand me to be well’
- As Subaru thinking the sickness is something he tells himself, and not an outward oppressive force like in the actual song, then it makes sense. Subaru thinks of himself as a monster, so the woman the singer describes would be Yui. She is his catharsis, the 'giggle’ at the funeral, which is his incredibly depressing life.Subaru’s 'sickness’ to him, is that he was born from incest and rape, so the church in this song would be his own thoughts and paranoia. I’m sure servants probably talked about the circumstances behind his birth in the castle and that’s how he found out about it in the first place. The forces working against Subaru could even be his Mother, which tells him often that they’re both unclean monsters, or his father.
'There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin’ - This line sums up Subayui to me.
Ruki - Control by Hasley
Most people think of Ruki as the guy who always has it together, as some sort of Master manipulator. His true self however, is very prone to stress. He’s extremely intelligent yes, but he can get overwhelmed by this stress. This song is questioning Ruki’s control. It reminds me of Ruki as a child, and also him at his darkest point, teetering on becoming a yandere like in his Manservant MB end.
These lyrics:'They send me away to find them a fortuneA chest filled with diamonds and gold’ - would be talking about the Mukami’s relying heavily on Ruki’s command. They look to him for guidance and to provide the means to survive. It can also mean Karl, who expects him to find and awaken 'Adam’ and Eve’ who are rare treasures.
These lyrics:'And all the kids cried out, “Please stop, you’re scaring me”I can’t help this awful energyGod damn right, you should be scared of meWho is in control?’Are like the orphans or Masters at the hated orphanage, or even Yui seeing Ruki’s true nature, and Ruki imagines himself above them by reassuring them that they should be afraid. Even as a child, he was a sadist.
Kou - Gasoline by Hasley
'Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?’ This song is friggin Kou. He ripped out his eye as a child to try and be less beautiful and appealing to the aristocrats who adored and abused him. This action only makes them love him more however, because of his beautiful 'imperfection.’This whole song is about being jaded by fame and having a high self destruction drive because you’ve been forced to crowd please when you don’t want to. Your true self is something the celebrities would shy away from, because your soul is broken and twisted after reshaping yourself over and over again to please people.
Yuma - Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons
A song about regret and not being strong enough. It’s basically a good way of seeing Yuma deal with his survivors guilt. He’s a very brash and strong character but in the end, his strength was not enough to save his friends.
'You’ll never be what is in your heartWeep Little Lion ManYou’re not as brave as you were at the start’
- This refers to when Yuma was a child and was in a street gang, taking on harsh challenges daily and being brave. Comparing him to a 'little lion man’ is like saying Yuma as an adult is outwardly fierce like a lion but his past guilt turns him into a child or helpless figure. When Yuma can’t protect what is important to him, he falls apart, because his identity is linked with his physical strength. If that fails him, then he’s just the little boy who watched his friends get gunned down. You could even take it as him talking to Yui after he’s ruined things with this line -
‘But it was not your fault but mineAnd it was your heart on the lineI really fucked it up this timeDidn’t I, my dear?’
Azusa - Hurt Me by Lapsley
‘So if you’re gonna hurt meWhy don’t you hurt me a little bit more?Just dig a little deeperPush a little harder than before’
This song is Azusa, to me. Particularly lyrics like these -
'Buildin’ up my walls just to tear them downTell me that it’s love, force me to drown’
Azusa is constantly looking for acknowledgement and love but because of his childhood bullies, his mind has been twisted to believe that giving and receiving pain is love. The song is basically Azusa imploring Yui (the listener) to hurt him more, because that way he truly receives her feelings.
Kino - The Stupid, the Proud by IAMX
This one is a little complicated, and has to do with how I perceive Kino. Basically I always thought of him as this ‘chess master’ character who watches the board game if you will. He watches all the other characters fight and scrap among themselves over Yui, while he himself hangs back and plans. This song is basically him describing the other characters struggles, while also talking to Yui. He has a jaded wisdom about everything.
'God is deadWe get to sleep tonight’- This line is like he’s talking about Karl Heinz, once he dies. Kino is very power hungry and wants control of everything, to be in the same position as Karl.
'Exalt yourselfDo it to stay alive’and'Hunt down your futureAnd everything you know is not enough to survive’ - are like he’s directly talking to Yui.
Shin - The Wolf by Fever Ray
This song sounds both like a tribal war song and a ritual. Since the Tsukinamis are much older than the other characters, I feel like they have more of a tie to ancient rites and nature. This song has a lot of ties to wolves and kidnapping, but it also sounds tense and hungry. It’s unusual and chaotic, which I think fits Shin.
Carla - Feral Love by Chelsea Wolfe
This song to me, feels like a companion piece to Shin’s, which is fitting. Unlike 'The Wolf’ which sounds like a group or pack of people holding a ritual, Feral Love is very singular and isolated. It’s about a lone hunter vs prey, and the beat of the music is very cold and calculated.
'Your eyes, black like an animal’ - can refer to someone with no feelings. While Carla does have feelings, he’s very goal orientated and knows what to prioritise.'And care for no one, but the offspring of your might’ - refers to Carla only wanting Yui for her body. He only wants offspring from her.
Yui - Daddy Issues by The Neighbourhood and Undenied by Portishead (for when she has feelings for one of the boys)
Not enough people talk about how Yui must feel, being abandoned by her father. It wasn’t even her estranged father, no, this guy raised her. Imagine loving your parent figure, only to hear that they might be involved with your being held captive and abused. ‘Daddy Issues’ basically has her crying over that. Despite how much she tries to stay positive, this betrayal would be a massive punch in the gut for anyone to experience.
In some routes, she does try to stay loyal to the memory of her father, believing her staying with Sakamaki’s must be mistake. However, in some like Azusa’s, she meets her father again and has all her fears confirmed. Her father even tries to shoot her.
Undenied is basically Yui having a crisis of self because she’s fallen for one of the boys despite what they do to her.
Mukami brothers - Getting Nowhere by Magnetic Man
Talks about facing a struggle. If we think of it like the Mukami’s struggling for freedom or to please Karl Heinz, then it makes sense. They’ve been shoved in the dirt so often as children that being given such a large responsibility like finding Adam and Eve by a 'higher power’ makes them feel important.
Sakamaki brothers - Ready Aim Fire! by Imagine Dragons
'Off in the distance, there is resistanceBubbling up and festering’ - Basically shows how, contrary to the Mukami’s, the Sakamaki’s dislike being under the higher power’s thumb and control. They’re resistant to any rules set in place by their father or authority figures because of their childhoods.
'How come I’ve never seen your face around here?I know every single face around here’ - refers to Yui arriving.
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Sledgehammer
Chapter Eleven
Previous Chapter
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader | Word Count: 3319 Warnings: Swearing, violence, Norse language which may or may not be correct
The specially equipped plane was minutes out, Natasha and Clint at the controls while Faye, with Grant at her side, stood before the Command center. Everyone was geared up and ready, listening as she went through the plan a final time. She held everyone’s focus, everyone’s attention except Steve’s.
He knew his job. It was simple. He was going for his girl, and no one could tell him different. When Faye finished her recitation, he turned to Bucky, and with a short jerk of his head, the two of them made their way to a quiet, private space.
“Buck…” Steve started and hesitated, hating what he was about to ask.
“I know, Stevie.” Smoky blue-grey eyes held his unyielding.
“I hate to ask this,” he sighed, looking away. Even the thought of it made Steve’s stomach turn.
Reaching out, Bucky gripped Steve’s shoulder tightly. “Steve, I’ve got your back in this. You don’t gotta ask. I’m with you til the end of the line, pal.”
Lifting his eyes to Bucky’s, Steve watched the blue slowly brighten. “Winter?”
“Yeah, man. I’ve got this.” The Winter Soldier looked back at him.
It was a part of Bucky Steve knew he had a hard time reconciling with. He was brutal, cold and hard, and that wasn’t Bucky. Not the Bucky he knew. Not his best friend. But he needed the Soldier in this. He needed the no mercy fighter. He wasn’t coming out of there without (Y/N).
“Thank you.” Deflating slightly, Steve leaned his shoulder against the wall.
“We’re going to get her back, Steve,” Bucky stated firmly.
Nodding, Steve glanced toward Thor and Loki. “Buck…”
“The horned wonder got under your skin, didn’t he?”
“Yeah.”
Bucky smacked him in the back of the head. “Fuck him and his true love bullshit. You’re her true love. I should fucking know, watching her make cow eyes at you this last year, and now the two of you, shit, pal. You were made for each other.”
“But what if we weren’t? What if she and I…” he couldn’t even voice the concern and took another smack to the head, this one harder than the last.
“Don’t be stupid. You two look at each other and the world fades away. She’s yours, dumbass, no matter what that joker says,” he snorted, his opinion on the matter clear in his tone. “Stop being a fat head and focus on getting her back.”
A smirk curled his lips as Steve nodded. “Where would I be without you, Buck?”
“I dunno, but I bet you’d be doing something stupid.”
“Hey! You took all the stupid with you back in the day. There’s none left for me, jerk.”
“Punk! Who let a German scientist experiment on him?”
Before he could reply, or the conversation degenerated into their regular brand of play fighting, Natasha called back, “Two minutes!”
“Thor, you’re up,” Faye nodded to the God of Thunder.
Steve watched Thor focus his attention on the storm raging around them. Faye had been brilliant in her planning, using the storm pounding down on the compound, having Thor send it on toward their destination, using it as cover to get close to the facility (Y/N) was being held in. The God of Thunder had built it big, letting it flow south like a natural storm and not a god created, rage-filled one, keeping a pocket in the middle of calm air for the jet.
Thor placed his hand against a window, and thunder rolled, breaking and crashing around them. Lightning flashed, slamming into the ground as Natasha set the jet down in a clearing not far from the compound. The dark, violent storm closed in, the heavy rain shielding them from sight.
“Loki?” Faye looked to the God of Mischief. “You’re next.”
“About bloody time.” Loki lifted his chin, glaring down his nose at Steve. “I will find (Y/N) and bring her to you.”
“Thank you.” Steve nodded.
“I’m not doing it for you,” he growled, eyes glowing green as his magic wrapped around him and he disappeared.
“Everyone else has their assignments,” Faye said, looking to Steve.
“Let’s make some noise.” Pulling his shield from his back, Steve headed for the door. He stopped when he came to Faye who would be staying in the jet running the show from the Command center with Grant and Maria as back up. Her heart was beating so hard, Steve could hear it.
Placing his hand on her shoulder, he looked down at the small woman who fidgeted nervously. “Faye, trust yourself. I do, or I would never have asked this of you.”
Her eyes snapped up to his, shock filling them. “You trust me?” she whispered.
“Shouldn’t I?”
She straightened, the nerves falling from her as her face smoothed into lines of confidence and the darkness which bespoke her powers filled her eyes. “Yes, you can trust me. I can do this, Cap.”
“Good.” Patting her shoulder, he headed for the rest of the team standing at the door.
Thor would be working with the brother’s, Skippy and Marcus, the wind and water elementals complementing the Thunder God’s powers. Susan and Maggie were running with Clint, Nat, and Sam - grounded thanks to the storm - doing what they could to get into the facilities computers and gather all the Intel they could. It might be a rescue mission, but the more information they had about what the Hounds were up to, the better. Besides, they didn’t know what this mystery substance was they’d been giving (Y/N). If they could get into the files, it would make discovering what was done to his girl easier.
Bruce and Tony were going to do what damage they could - which would be excessive - to the portion of the facility farthest from where they were holding (Y/N), while he and Bucky would be going in as close to her location as possible.
He looked to those gathered and waiting, Bruce already undoing the buttons on his shirt, skin tingeing green. Each face, those familiar and those new, were filled with determination. “I believe in each and every one of you. Let’s get this done.” Taking his helmet from Bucky, he put it on and punched the button for the ramp. “And if you find Garry,” he glanced again at Bruce when the Hulk within growled, “he’s mine!” Steve snarled.
***
Connor, the once Garry, standing aside with the rest of the top Hounds, watched smugly as the machine warmed and drifted back. It would only be minutes more and everything he’d worked for his entire life, everything his family had been working for these past generations, would finally come to fruition.
The reincarnation of Sváfa was within his grasp, her body prepped and waiting for the return of her past self, the memories of her Valkyrie days, and the power which would return when Sváfa did.
And he would be waiting. He wasn’t Helgi, but he was descended from the same family tree, the same family of the Norwegian king Hjörvarðr and Sigrlinn, though through the line of a daughter, not Helgi, the son. It should be enough to convince the newly reborn Sváfa he was her true love, her Helgi, especially with the drugs they’d been injecting her with. She would be so far under his spell, so completely his if they ever came across the reincarnated Helgi, she wouldn’t bat an eye.
With the return of her memories and the loss of her current self, Connor would have access to all that Valkyrie power. The strength, speed, ferocity, it would be his to command as would the rest of her sisters be when she reclaimed her title as Leader of the Valkyrjur. A legion of Valkyries would be at his disposal, and no one would stand against the Hounds with their might behind him.
Her muffled scream for Steve made him roll his eyes. Steve would not be coming. No one was coming. They had been far too careful. They’d left no trail for Stark or any of the Avengers to follow.
Thunder crashed, rattling through the building. “We going to be good if the power goes out?” he asked the man running the controls for the machine.
“Has its own power source,” the man muttered. “Storms been building all day. We were prepared for it.”
The General to his opposite side muttered, “Least it didn’t just appear. Don’t need Thor showing up.”
Connor snorted. “Not likely-” he was cut off by the snapping crackle of electricity when the machine started and (Y/N) screamed.
***
The pain was excruciating.
White hot lightning was tearing through your skull, ripping, shredding, pulling little pieces of your life away a knife slice at a time. You screamed and screamed, and screamed, tears pouring down your face. Your spine arched away from the chair, the only part of you not tied to the apparatus, bending with force to the point you thought it might snap.
Clenching your hands around the ends of the armrests, you were unaware of the cast crumbling beneath your palm. Every muscle in your body strained with effort. Dark spots filled your vision as you felt like your head was going to explode.
When the darkness went from spots to blobs to filling your vision, you just thought it was the pain causing you to pass out. Right up until the pain ended as abruptly as it had begun.
A warmth wrapped around your mind and you drifted within it as a bright light bloomed. A woman, beautiful and devastating in her glory walked toward you out of the light. The blonde of her hair was nearly white, her eyes a deep blue. Her headdress of wings flared out above her ears. A breastplate of old gold showed off her svelte figure, garbed in a flowing white gown which fell to mid-thigh. Heavy leather sandals encased her feet and legs, and she walked with a deadly kind of grace toward you. But it was the smile, big and wide and kind upon her lips that put you at ease.
“Hello, (Y/N),” she said softly.
“Who are you?” you asked, staring in awe.
She smiled and held out her hand. “You know.”
Without hesitation you took her hand, her first two fingers covered in long rings like armour, pointed talons for nails, gleaming in polished silver. “I’ve been dreaming of your life.”
Her long braids danced as she laughed quietly and shook her head. “You’ve been dreaming our life.”
“What?” you gasped in disbelief.
Her hand tightened around yours as she whispered, “Remember.”
Memories flooded through you. Laughing and playing with your sisters. Choosing your steed. Learning to fight. Patrolling and collecting the fallen for Valhalla. The day you met him, the man you’d come to love with your entire heart and soul, the one you’d named, “Helgi.”
She nodded, her smile spreading. “And we were Sváfa in that life, our first life. The life in which Helgi was taken from us far too soon.”
“Holy shit,” you whispered, eyes widening. “I’m a Valkyrie!”
Sváfa laughed, throwing her head back and letting loose right from her belly. It was so infectious; you couldn’t help but join in.
Once her giggles slowed, she squeezed your fingers and lightly touched your cheek. “You are a Valkyrie, have always been a Valkyrie. It is what has brought you to this point. It is why you were taken from them, your team and family.”
“But… I don’t understand. For what purpose?”
“They seek to take your life away to return me to this world. They wish to bridle us, place a bit in our mouth and tame what can never be tamed.” Anger filled her eyes, set them blazing as power crackled around you. “This cannot be. I will not allow it.”
“But... the machine…”
“You are still in it. Your body feels the pain, but for the moment I have shielded your mind. You cannot lose who you are in this life for if you do, they win. I dislike losing,” she huffed.
It sounded so much like something you would have said you snickered. “Me either.”
Sváfa’s face sobered, features setting into lines of determination. “They know not what they do here, the forces they meddle with. This was to be a quiet life for us.”
You snorted softly. “This is quiet?”
A smirk twitched her lips. “No Valkyrie would shirk from a battle. It does not surprise me to see our chosen path in this life has led you to fight for that which you believe in, but it is a quiet life compared to clearing the fields and serving in the halls of Valhalla.”
“Really?”
“You’ll remember soon enough,” she snorted, an echo of your previous one. Again she turned her attention to you, and you could feel the snap and crackle of power around you. Her free hand found your shoulder, gripped it tightly. “The time grows short. When I leave you, you will retain it all. Every memory of mine, Sigrún our second life, Kára our third, down through the ages until today. With it comes the return of our Valkyrie nature. The strength, power, instincts… but there will have to be a price paid. They have forced this connection and used… unnatural ways to bring it about.”
“That green crap?”
Sváfa nodded.
“What price?”
“I do not yet know,” she whispered, a touch of fear in her voice.
You stood in silence for a moment, absorbing everything, contemplating the coming change in your life before the niggling thought which had been itching at you since the start of this conversation would no longer be held back. “Helgi… is he… did he… who?”
Sváfa shifted her hand to your chin, tilting your face up. “You will know him on sight. We always do.” Her head lifted, a wolf on the hunt as the vibrancy of her eyes darkened. “It is time, (Y/N).” She leaned forward, her forehead coming to rest against yours.
Memories flooded you. Every life, every battle, every moment filled your head so full it ached and felt about to burst. Then your muscles began to burn; your bones ached, your joints snapped and popped. Groaning, you grabbed on to Sváfa, nails biting into her forearms as she held you up by your elbows.
She squeezed your arms tightly. “You will be weak once you return to your body. Good hunting, skjaldmær.”
Shieldmaiden.
The blackness faded as she did and pain rushed back in.
Something in your throat tore with the power of your scream. It felt like days, weeks, years before the whips of electricity coursing through your veins, searing off your nerve endings, trying to turn your mind to ash, finally ended.
Shaking, covered in sweat and tears, you heaved for breath, throat screaming pain with each exhalation. Blinking at the ceiling, you watched the lights flicker, and half of them die when an explosion rocked the building.
A roar, familiar and deafening pierced the air, making it through the thick walls to send fear tripping the hearts of those around you.
Well, that’s new. You’d never been able to hear so well before. Memories rose up, crashed through your already painful brain, made you whimper and slam your eyes closed against the new pain. Everything from your neck up throbbed violently, and when the chair started to tip forward, you fought down a violent wave of nausea.
The gag in your mouth disappeared as a calloused hand cupped your cheek. Eyes fluttering open, you blinked to clear the double vision. Crouched between your spread knees, hand touching your face, was the person you despised more than any other in the entire world.
His image wavered, shimmered, and you realized you could see right through his glamour. Blonde and blue of eye, Garry still appeared dark and grey to you. His powers now useless against your Valkyrie ones, and it made you smile.
“Sváfa?” he said quietly as the building shook from the Hulk’s blows and Tony’s missiles. “Min elskede?”
My beloved. So that was his game, the reason behind the glamour suddenly becoming clear. You made to lift your hand only to find it still tied down. “Hva er dette?” you asked, What is this, voice hoarse, playing along, knowing your team was coming.
“Kjenner du meg, kjære?”
Do you know me, darling? You bit your tongue to keep from spitting on him. “Selvfølgelig gjør jegdet, Helgi.” Of course, I do, Helgi. As soon as he released you, you were so going to punch that asshole in the face!
“Do you know this language, min elskede?” he asked, a smile spreading, excitement growing in the grey depths of his eyes.
“I… I think… yes. What… what happened, Helgi? Where am I? What is this?” You struggled against the chair, needing him to believe you.
“Easy. Easy, Sváfa, darling. Here.” He released the binding around your head, and it fell forward on your neck, a very real groan of pain falling from your lips. “Do you hear the battle, Sváfa?”
“Yes.” He was falling for it, and victory sang in your veins.
“Those people, the ones attacking us, hurt you. They took you away from me. Erased your memory of our time together in this life. I had to force you back to your first life, make you remember. I need you, Sváfa. I need you to fight at my side again.”
You looked past him to the scramble taking place as the other men ran to prepare for the onslaught, and the doctor approached you with another syringe. “Free me, Helgi! Free me, and I will win this battle for you. For us!”
Triumph filled his eyes, and he tore the bindings from your right arm, the cast cracked and in places completely crumbling to dust. “Yes! Yes, Sváfa! Call them, your sisters! End the Avengers and their reign of terror in this world!”
Lifting your hand, pieces of plaster falling away, you touched his cheek. It stalled his hands as he made to release your other arm, and you smiled. “I bet you didn't know I could lie as well as you. You always were a stupid son of a bitch.” Balling up your fist, you punched him with all the strength you had, sending him flying across the floor and pain rippling through your broken arm. “Oh!” you gasped, shocked at the power behind the blow. “That’s going to take some getting used to.” Reaching for the buckles on your left, you struggled to get free.
A half dozen weapons cocked, dots of red appearing on your chest, and you froze.
“Take your hand away!” Garry, Connor, whatever the fuck his name was, snarled at you holding his cheek.
You lifted it slowly into the air. “You’re not going to shoot me, Garry. All that work gone to waste? I don’t think so.” A sudden awareness washed over you, a familiar, yet foreign feeling which made you smile when a new memory rose up. “Besides, you have much bigger problems than little old me.”
Garry sneered at you and motioned to the doctor. “Knock the bitch out, then get her on a transport until we can figure out what to do with her.” Getting to his feet, he stormed out of the room, shouting orders as he went.
Doctor Dick stalked forward while a half dozen soldiers kept their guns trained on you.
“I don’t think you want to do that, doc,” you said as he closed in on the side of you still tied down.
“You think you can stop me, sunshine?” he scoffed, pulling the cap off the syringe.
“Oh, I can’t stop you,” you smiled, and he shivered, nearly stepped back, “but he can.” You nodded toward Loki pulling his knives from the body of the last of the soldiers, letting the man drop at his feet. “Hei, ugagn,” you called out and watched magic filled eyes widen in surprise.
Next Chapter
#sledgehammer#steve rogers#steve rogers fanfiction#steve rogers x reader#captain america#captain america fanfiction#captain america x reader#avengers#avengers au#avengers fanfiction
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https://www.facebook.com/104057744428568/posts/156998459134496/?sfnsn=mo&d=n&vh=e
Fucking told him its a huge red flag if someone doesn't get rid of their apps. Multiple apps. Smh 😠 "oh yea i don't use them anymore" proceeds to use fb dating app" for real come on bro!
Some comments of the post:
"If you have to be checking up on your Partner then you shouldn't be with that person.. Idk how people have time for all this .. love yourself and know your worth.."
"If you're in a serious committed exclusive relationship you should not be on tinder. That's how I met my fiance and as soon as we said we are gf and bf and exclusive we both deleted it. Honestly if I was her I would have broken up with him too"
"a person also has a right to trust their gut feeling and check things out if something's not feeling right. Knowledge is power"
I've already discussed this but this news clip further validates my point of the topic, nothing more. I could call him out on hs bs further with detail, but I won't....yet, out of respect even though he probably doesn't deserve it. Til he reaches me & apologizes for everything he's done, i can say whatever tf I want & i could make a whole damn list.
Its the events of this what happened that started our downfall to begin with cuz i didn't trust him & he didn't even try to gain it back just left it as is when I could've turned my back right then & there, no apology either. Didnt apologize much actually, not even when i last saw him. But from then we spiraled & he got bored of me. I wasn't giving him what he wanted in whatever way & he wanted to find more. Closed himself off from the beginning & that created his boredom 😒
Would've had a blast together like a normal fucking couple if he was less closed off, & wouldn't have felt the need to do shit behind my back.
I'll stop talking about it for now, I have the anger & urge to keep going but I wont...actually no Screw it im pissed 😡 but ill keep it light. Its just not fair, I did so much for him but I was disrespected in different aspects of the whole relationship. Fuck! I've talked about the positives alot cuz i do love him..but the negatives are such bs too.
I want a good ass sincere apology for all of it so I can forgive him & move on, ive already apologized myself even though I dont think I should have to 😒. Didnt even give me a straight answer for the breakup, it was always a different excuse when I know he just wanted to pursue other women without me around im not fucking stupid. His own toxicity was too much even for himself & I was in the line of fire, to where i was the toxic one? No fuck that its unacceptable, he always lied when it came to covering his own ass.
For all i know he's watching me squirm & taking pleasure in all the pain I'm going through over him cuz he likes the attention. But no I actually don't think so on that one he's still good & ill give him credit where its due. But I gave him all the attention he wanted/needed & still wanted more from someone else. Really dude fucking really!?
Man up & own up to your mistakes, speak to me where I can actually hear ur voice speaking back to me with sincerity. We'll apologize together. Yea ull be pissed about this, but after u get over it & calm down. Give in & call me, granted when ur ready, & open up for once in your damn reserved life. Itll help us both with more closure & may even take a weight off our shoulders if we just talk it out, no arguing...since we're done there's no point anyway..a friendly non judgment zone cuz idc, i won't think of u any less.
U confused me during & especially after the relationship cuz i didnt know who u really were, i know the good cuz that's what u allowed me to see, ive accepted the bad that I knew already & from what ive learned...i accepted u regardless.
I always forgave u & not cuz im passive, cuz forgiveness is what the Bible teaches.. ive forgiven u & myself the best i could especially with the last things ive showed u, (accept this part cuz im pissed rn & standing up for myself, ill delete eventually maybe if u ask cuz nobody wants to be seen any less of a person. but I can make it alot worse, calling me the mistake was the worst thing u ever said to me & pointing out your faults so u can be better throughout the relationship was my only toxicity to u) we actually never really fought except the 1 time, just argued a tiny bit rarely about little things.
Ive tried using every ounce of my courage to show u how much im sorry for any wrong ive done. but its up to u now to make things right. U know me, ive always said that u can talk to me about anything. I want to be able to trust again & move on whilst staying friends. What else do u have to lose, might even have a great heart to heart convo dude to dudet
Everything ive ever said up to this point lies all my Questions. But here's most of the list, we both were equally in control of the relationship. Maybe u didn't want me to? But doing everything I had to for myself & the household, what u & ur parents wanted of me & just me being me cuz i had to, u had your own part to play & did provide...but did u actually not want me to cater to u if it were a sign u were lazy or something? Like did u not feel worthy of me? What is it u think is my "addicting personality" that isn't fixable on the surface? What is it really that u didnt like about me? This is why i don't have closure, u left me like this, confused as well as wanting more since u held back so much. Was that on purpose to give me even more false hope & want me to pine over u? Did u ever or do u still, love me at all? What did u want from me & out of the relationship, what was the purpose of it from ur perspective & why do u think i couldn't give that to u? What did i lack that u felt compelled to not tell me so I could improve & vise versa so we both could improve? Why wouldn't u allow me to help u become a better man when (I shouldnt have to btw), its exactly what u wanted but maybe didnt see it? Do u realize your own faults even as u do them? Lol. Like i genuinely want to know as much as the good ive seen, cuz to be better the more open of a person u are the more u understand yourself too.
Unless claiming u want to be a better man is part of ur alluring charm in love bombing process to land a caring girl on purpose lol...god I hope not, that would just mean u rinse & repeat like a for real narcissist 🤔 seriously tho look into that im not even kidding, im asking cuz i care. Im pissed now but 1 thing is that im trying to not put ur behavior against u cuz maybe u can't help it, its just the way u are, all ive seen & experienced points to maybe 50% of u lol. Ive always suspected narcissism, a real psych problem that might be worth looking into. But yea 1 of the reasons especially why im so forgiving & trying not to put it against u, why i still care despite u being a dick lol. I chose to look past it, all the time & up to now cuz I understand what its like to have psychological ailments. The worst part about it is most dont realize it, so i encourage u to do some research & self reflection & admitting it to urself are the 1st steps. Okay? There's different kinds & levels to being 1 too, i found that fascinating. bryan is definitely a different type, ur more lighter than that...definitely not the worst which is the physical harm type. Trust me its worth finding out more about yourself, just dont use it to ur advantage in a bad way but i trust u to do right & grow. Not sure a discarded supply (ie me) has ever tried telling a narcy what they might be for the benefit of their own self awareness 🤔,idk if its ever been done, but theres a 1st for everything? U can find alot on it in quora digest alone but Google is also ur friend.
You always were worth every effort of mine to help u in any way to be happy, & i was most happy when u were. U mean alot to me still, its the effect u had on me, I was under ur spell lol its hard to rid myself of it still, not sure when it'll pass. I chose to see it as a gift rather than a curse, that ur effect on me is still so strong when I shouldn't give a damn. If u really are a narcy, then I understand & don't put alot against u cuz its just the way u are & i need to accept it, but if it somehow helps u to help yourself cuz of it, then whats the harm? But, even in doing this or having my socials public for u...maybe just feeds into what u want...i still dont care, I want u to see how bad or good im doing without u in my life, so u know im okay at least. U promised friendship, least I can do is allow u to keep tabs on me too we spoke of, on my end of things.
The 18th of June was the last time i saw u. It'll soon be a month ago in about a week & a 1/2 & your birthday would mark 2 months. Cant believe we couldn't even last through to that 😔
Mark my words playa I will be contacting u on that day lol. Can't ghost your homie forever sweetie
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Of All My Parents’ Friends
@heartthesouth asked:
Imagine Roger describing 1960s Claire (and possibly his remembrance of 1940s Claire from his childhood) to Jamie.
One-shot; takes place just after the Gathering in book-verse (The Fiery Cross).
Bear in mind, this means Jamie and Roger are only *newly* on solid-ish ground after all the unpleasantness between them in Drums of Autumn. If you haven’t read the books, just imagine the very worst start a man could get off to with his father-in-law. (YIKES.)
-Mod Bonnie
Fraser’s Ridge, North Carolina
October, 1770
“Puiff-ee?”
The word sounded absolutely stupid coming out of his father-in-law’s mouth, which (infuriatingly!) made ROGER feel the foolish one. “C’mon, ye know. Poofy? Like—voluminous?—”
Jamie Fraser snorted violently into his lunch of bread and pickle and Roger felt a wave of anxiety. Was the word somehow offensive in this time?? But surely ‘poofy’ was more easily misconstrued than—
But Jamie—seated on a log next to Roger’s boulder—came up grinning, still coughing on crumbs as he choked out, “Ye mean to say there was a time when Claire’s hair was MORE voluminous than it is NOW?”
They both laughed and Roger drank in the relief of the camaraderie, flimsy as it might be.
“Christ almighty,” Jamie swore with feeling as the laughter subsided, shaking his head in genuine incredulity, “however did she manage THAT?”
“I dinna ken exactly,” Roger admitted with a hopefully-easy shrug, passing the stone bottle of cider, “Claire’s was sort of—” he made a swooping gesture overtop his own crown “—um...I dinna ken how to describe it.. Kind of—”
“A bouffant,” Brianna interjected helpfully, plopping down next to Jamie (well, as much as a six-foot-tall woman with a sleeping baby strapped to her front could ‘plop’) and doing a quick sketch in the dirt with a stick.
“Oh, aye, a *bouffant,*” He grinned, leaning over to kiss his wife and son, grateful for the buffer. “I definitely knew that’s what it was called.”
“How does—? But—where do the curls go?” Jamie kept tilting his head from side to side like a puppy as he peered down, clearly having difficulty translating the rough illustration to his wife’s head. “And how in hell did she get it to stay all rounded and puffed up?”
“HAIRSPRAY,” he and Bree said in unison, though he left the task of explaining aerosol cans and their uses to the engineer.
By the end, Jamie was grinning like a fiend. “Claire would glue her hair into place every day for fashion??”
“Yep!” Bree laughed, expertly cupping Jem’s head as she bent forward to reach for a hunk of bread, “unless she was doing an operation that day, obviously. Not much call for style under a scrub cap.”
Shaking his head in gleeful wonder, Jamie turned back to Roger. “What else was different about ‘Sixties Claire,’ to your eye, other than the hair?”
“Oo, her groovy makeup!” Bree said through a large bite.
“Gr–? Cosmetics, ye mean?”
“Aye, just so!” Roger said, hoping to win some son-in-law points, meagre as they might be. “And ‘groovy’ just means daring in an admirable way.”
“Well, that sounds like Claire, right enough. Does every woman wear the Greuvvy Makeup, then?”
Bree shrugged. “Pretty much.”
“I tell ye what, though,” Roger said emphatically, seeing the opportunity and seizing it, “Claire certainly didna need all that. Not one bit.”
It was like a horror film.
Two identical faces swiveled on tall, twin necks, fixing him with identical expressions of amusement. Or possibly menace. Either way, absolutely TERRIFYING.
“What?” he snapped, his face flushing as he looked back and forth between them.
Jamie’s eyebrows were raised. “Why should Claire not have needed the cosmetics?”
Bree raised hers to match, her lips quivering with suppressed laughter. “Yes, Roger: do tell!”
He made a scoffing sound. “Well, no, I mean—”
“If ‘pretty much’ all women wore it,” Jamie asked, face completely inscrutable, “why should Claire have been any different?
“No, she’s—Well, I mean she IS—” This was not going well. “All I was trying to say is Claire’s very—She’s got very lovely—”
The movie had shifted into one where the out-of-control-robot car had locked you inside and was accelerating top-speed into a canyon. Cannot—BRAKE—
“—SKIN!”
“OH. MY. GODDD!!” Bree whooped with glee, making Jemmy jump in his sleep and thump his forehead against her chest.
Jamie said nothing and only sipped his drink, but damn him, there was an effing GLEAM in those cats’ eyes.
Bree coughed through her giggles and waved her hand in a ‘hold on, hold on’ gesture. “So—wait: when we met in Inverness....were you checking out my mother’s ‘skin’?”
“I wasna CHECKING HER OUT,” he insisted with a mocking tone to show what a ridiculous suggestion it was (but SHIT if he didn’t sound all kinds of guilty AND if he didn’t want to fling himself into a hole and never come out). Pull yourself the fuck together, MacKenzie.
“Look,” he sighed, “Claire’s a very attractive woman, and—”
“So we’ve gone from verra lovely to verra *attractive*, have we?”
“It—I—” Damn that fucking ginger hide: Roger couldn’t tell if the man was poking fun or literally about to bash his head open against a tree.
“Wait, wait, didn’t—oh JEEZ, it’s too much—” Bree was clutching Jem tight, dying with laughter, and was NOT giving this up. “Didn’t you tell me once that Mama reminded you of Anne Bancroft??”
ffffffffffucking hellllllllllllllllllllll
“Who’s that?” Jamie demanded, his narrowed eyes snapping to Roger.
Yep, it had now become the kind of horror movie where the supporting actor looks at the camera and gets in that *one great scream* for their reel right before they get eaten alive to thicken the plot for the protagonists.
Bree was on a roll. “A famous, very *sexy* actress! She was in a—play (sort of) with Dustin Hoffman who has the role of this university boy who is seduced by an older wo—”
“—S’QUITE ENUFF’A’THAT!” His voice cracked on the panicked outburst (can a man not catch a BREAK???), at which his wife dissolved into further spasms. “Oh for God’s sake, Bree, it was YOU that I checked out, if ye need reminding!!”
“And just why were ye ‘checking out’ an unmarrit lass?” Jamie said, turning expertly on the conversational dime, “A guest in your home, no less? MY daughter?”
“I wasna—I ABSOLUTELY did NOT—Oh, for fuck’s SAKE!”
They were both quaking with laughter where they sat.
Roger threw up his hands up and stormed to his feet. “You two bloody deserve each other, ye know! Twisting a man’s words, ‘til—Oh, willye shut up and LISTEN, THE BOTH OF YE!”
They knocked heads as they slumped against each other, tears streaming down their ruddy cheeks.
Roger made huge, sweeping gestures to left and right for emphasis. “CLAIRE IS VERY BEAUTIFUL. BRIANNA IS VERY BEAUTIFUL. WE’RE ALL FAMILY NOW, CAN WE BE *DONE* WI’—”
“What on EARTH are you lot bellowing about!?!”
He whirled around to see Claire, flushed and dirt-streaked, gathering basket in hand, her eyes wide. “Is everything alright?”
Roger gave both redheads a sidelong glare that HE would have said could have melted steel, but just make Brianna shake even harder. She was suppressing outright cackling only by pressing her lips into the top of Jemmy’s fuzzy head.
“Nay, all’s well, mo nighean donn,” Jamie said, surprising Roger by getting to his feet. He came over to put a hand on his wife’s waist and kiss her on the cheek. “Roger Mac, here, was only singing the praises of your great charm and beauty, mo ghraidh, much to the credit of ye both.”
“Oh! Well!” Claire flushed, sounding both surprised and pleased. “That’s very sweet of you, Roger, dear, thank you.”
Roger, stunned, scraped up enough presence of mind to give her a smile and a little self-deprecating bow.
She didn’t bother to suppress a grin as she went on her way toward the drying shed. “I rather needed that, today.”
Once she was out of earshot, Roger met Jamie’s eye and inclined his head with a sincere, "Thanks.”
“Think nothing of it,” his father-in-law said, clapping him on the shoulder in passing as he headed back to the woodpile “…Dustin.”
#;mod bonnie#one-shot#featuring: Roger#featuring: everyone loves making Roger uncomfortable#book: the fiery cross#canon divergence#missing scene#usually my one-shots are angsty AF#let's be real this is basically an analog SMS Frasers
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i completely revamped miles’ blog so it doesn’t look quite as tragically aesthetically displeasing, and i figured i might as well re-do everything else, so...if you don’t know anything about him, whether it’s because we haven’t plotted (that’ll change) or you’re new, read below the line! (ps it’s hella long)
> born to teen parents (in trondheim, norway) who did not have the financial means to raise him and put him up for adoption. his dad’s side of the family lowkey wanted him but they were really struggling with money and didn’t feel they could give the baby what he needed so they went through with giving him away.
> so he was adopted by mia and eli, a couple living in oslo at the time.
> they were pretty wealthy which means miles had everything he could’ve ever possibly needed (wanted is a different story bc they didn’t want to spoil him?? they wanted him to work for things not just get them)
> but that’s kinda hard when you’re always moving around lol?? they lived in norway til he was seven and one day just decided...we’re young and full of life let’s never settle down in one fucking place. and they never really...paid a lot of attention to him after that bc they were so caught up in living their life, like they still took care of him and loved him it’s just, it was basically the bare minimum.
> spoiler alert he was always Very Sad because he noticed the shift in their attitude towards him and he never really understood what he did wrong or what happened to make them lose interest in their own son.
> long story short miles has basically lived in norway, germany, france, america, cyprus and italy.
> so he knows a lot of languages tbh but always spoke norwegian at home bc he found it easier than switching between languages lmao.
> school was shitty for him because he never could get the hang of classes and couldn’t make the most of life in different places bc he didn’t have anybody, no friends or anyone who sympathised with how hard it is learning a new language and having to basically alter your entire self to fit in with the crowds in high school.
> but like he was never really in one place for long enough to start to understand himself he’s kinda just stuck in this loop of who am i and what am i doing.
> so classes were really hard because he understood nothing lmao and by the time he had a good grasp of the language he had to move again or he was really behind on schoolwork.
> meanwhile he was also told he was adopted & he was extra salty about that because..wow suddenly it makes sense why your parents aren’t that invested in your life anymore!!
> but new thoughts pop up in his head, like wow so.. my bio parents didn’t want me.. and my adoptive parents are generally pretty disinterested in how my life’s going to shit.
> dropped out of school junior year bc?? what’s the point?? and spent most of his time wandering the streets just looking for something to do and some way to stay entertained.
> met like-minded people & finally found a crowd but yikes it was a bad one?? cue miles’ descend into alcoholism, smoking & drugs.
> apparently this is how people dealt with their Feelings so he was like lmao ok g let’s test that ish.
> obviously it didn’t work lol he felt even worse in the morning but those few hours of bliss were enough for him so he was like.. ok i guess this is my life now.
> but they legit make him worse when he’s in a super depressive state bc he starts to lose control over himself and cries all the time, is a lot more open/honest than he normally would be and just.. doesn’t act like himself at all.
> at this point his clinical depression is not even being ‘treated’ bc he’s not talking to anyone about it and not taking his meds bc he doesn’t see the point like?? it’s not like it’ll ever go away lmao so why would he bother?
> so fast forward to when he’s almost nineteen, he answered an ad for a student’s photography project because - classic miles - he was super infatuated with her brother and wanted to bone him, so he thought that helping his sister might win him some points (side note: it worked)
> his photos blew up all over social media overnight when said student posted them w. one of those cute thank you messages on facebook. he was basically straight up picked up by a talent agency in florida and packed up and moved there (without his parents).
> had a contract with some fashion company there for a year and when that ended he was instantly offered one in marbella, which he took happily bc?? holy shit?? spain?? clubbing?? partying?? shirtless guys?? nom.
> smokes so fucking much it’s actually a wonder he’s not dead and also Weed Is Life but he’s stopped doing hard drugs since he signed the modelling contract in marbella - my son was attempting to start over.
> he’s not happy with life in general (i’m sure we can all tell) and it gets.. very much for him. doesn’t feel like he’s really worth anything (practically abandoned by two sets of parents and having no friends is p shitty ngl) and starts questioning his Existence. he’s not sleeping or eating much at this point and is always restless so that probably doesn’t help.
> like would anyone care if he was dead? like really care.
> thinks about this a lot but he doesn’t act on his suicidal thoughts.. mostly just talks himself out of it with excuses like.. nah i’m too busy, i have to finish this contract, i can’t let anyone down.. there’s no cocaine in hell yadda yadda yadda.
> BUT OK let’s talk about cute, fluffy miles??
> you want this boy as a friend or a boyfriend - supportive as hell, cares a lot (it’s very lowkey but it’s there), cuddles and eskimo kisses are his speciality i’m js.
> will probably marry you if you built blanket forts with him.
> major film & broadway buff, sings musical songs in the shower but nobody must ever know about this or his rep™ will be Ruined.
> he might’ve dropped out of school but he’s not stupid?? ok he hates the assumption that models are all pretty faces with no brains like no. he’s very much the same as any other kid his age?? just.. average.
> generally blunt and rude to most people - it’s a mask that works for him, people don’t ask questions.
> but trust me when he gets comfortable with you he’ll give you All His Love.
> i know i was saying about how he’s mega depressed when he’s intoxicated but honestly?? not all the time. it’s mostly when he’s sad/tired but when he’s actually alright for once he’s super funny and loud and just.. he’s genuinely someone people wanna be around.
> extra clingy when he’s Not Himself - aka when he’s drunk, high, or sick/ill.
i told you it was long and it is and now i feel bad but oh well!! lmao message me to plot with miles :)
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Memories of Us
And i always end up going back to the memories of “us”. I guess i should focus on the earlier days of our relationship, when everything was all fun and games. We were just starting then and our relationship was founded on jokes and insults. For the first few months of our friendship, i didn’t really mind the jokes and insults directed to me; i’d just laugh and not really care about what they really meant for me. We were always happy, just making a fool out of ourselves and others. We just did the stupidest, most random and weirdest shits. But then as time passed by, my stupidity got worse, I guess. i became too attached. I don’t really know what happened, but you’d always say that i never apologize that i don’t know how to notice my own mistakes. I guess you were right somehow? I was stubborn and selfish before so that makes sense(?). When i became too attached, i also became too sensitive. Like what i’d always say, friendship was and is still my weakness. My mistake then was that i let you be my weakness to the point that i let my insecurities spring from your actions. Your insults triggered my insecurities; jokes about my height made me hurt a little more and jokes about not being found made me feel alone. Another mistake of mine was that i allowed myself to be controlled by emotion. When i was hurting because of the feeling of being used, i allowed myself to write and post about it. it would have been okay if i just kept my mouth shut, but of course my stupid self did the exact opposite. I advertised and posted my poem on every site i possibly could advertise and put it on. At first, i was very proud because i was able to make a poem (that wasn’t even good) about my situation. Then i felt a little bit powerful because my anger was being expressed and people were feeling it. But, i forgot to take into consideration the fact that you are only human, that you have your own feelings to deal with and that you had to be kept anonymous because the words i used were too destructive. And so, I apologized. Though i know it did nothing to correct my mistake, i still apologized. I were stupid enough to believe when you said it’s okay. I didn’t even bother thinking that you’re still bothered by the poem that is still up online; i only knew when another friend of ours told me i was being insensitive and so i ended up deleting the whole book that i posted which contained all of my poems.
We were able to get pass that shit that happened and we continued acting as if nothing happened. But then, the next year it got brought up for some weird freaking reason. I was clueless of course. I didn’t know that it was bothering you again, that the thoughts about what i did were still there and you guys have not forgiven me yet. ‘Til one day, i was isolated. I was left alone. I asked what was happening but you told me it was nothing. Later that day you called me insensitive for not even noticing when, in fact, i did notice but i only stayed quiet because you seemed to not want to talk about it since you told me it’s nothing when i asked what’s up. I was afraid of isolation; i was a weak shit, i’m sorry. So in response to this fear of mine, I distanced myself. But you didn’t understand, you thought i was running away and that i didn’t care. I made things worse without even trying. When i realized i couldn’t run away anymore, i tried to reach out online. But you said it’s not enough because a personal confrontation is still better. Though i was afraid of what might happen, i agreed. When we saw each other again, I approached you and talked to you about it. But then you ended up shouting at me. Blaming me even for the hate you were receiving from the people who were anonymously trying to defend me. You shouted at me and i ended up crying on my own. I can still remember how my tears were falling one by one and how i were trying to hold them back. My back was against a car as i stood there alone. i was surrounded by people i considered my friends but no one even dared to approach me and give me comfort. And so i left. I stopped trying to make myself fit there when i was obviously unwelcome. I then put myself into a group that was open to me. But, though i weren’t in the group anymore, I was still trying to get you back. I was still thinking of ways on how i could fix my stupidity.
However, all that did was leave me broken. I started cutting and i started having suicide thoughts. I still remember searching for ways to kill myself and i still remember my results. I started hating myself. I started doubting my self. I hated myself.
Now, though everything is okay, i’m still broken. And i guess the things that came from that still remains unresolved and unforgotten. I’m still here hurting and the memory of the experience still haunts me. it still scares me sometimes; the thought of the people you love the most turning their backs on you all of a sudden and treating you like fucking no one, like a fucking irrelevant thing. I’m still in search of the self-worth and self-confidence that i lost. I guess, you’ll never really know how much your actions affected me. I know i hurt you too, but you’ve done much damage. Let’s call it your revenge, your successful revenge. i hurt you, you hurt me more. I damaged you, you damage me more. I ruined our friendship, you ruined my being. I guess, I’m sorry still for my stupidity. I’m sorry for being selfish and too sensitive back then. I’m sorry for not thinking of your good. I hope you’ll never know, you made me sorry for existing too.
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Episode #6- “so here i am not getting any strikes.”- Vincent
TIM IS GONE!! That sneaky mother fucker. Am I allowed to curse on here? I will be taking credit for that thank you very much. So Chris was busy most of the day, but came back online about 15 min before tribal. We were the swing votes between Tim and AnnMarie. We decided that I would vote for AnnMarie to make it seem like I am with them, and Chris would vote Tim and claim that he didn't see the change. Kyle wants to know why Chris would vote Tim, and I told him that AnnMarie must have gotten to him. Hopefully we can convince them that she was the mastermind behind it. We shall see.
WHAT THE FUCK!!! I didn't see that coming at all. I thought for sure I was going home or at least getting some votes. Guess the game really is just starting :)
Well that was radical, I had to pretend I was off before this tribal when I was on for a half hour with Gwen. Here I learned the vote switched from Liam and Tim to AM and Tim and it made my decision easier, I didnt wanna do Tim so early but I do like AM more and feel like I dont need the shield in him to make it far. It is kind of funny that had this switch not happened, Tim would probably be here. Regardless, now is the time for damage control
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Now that its the morning after I've done some thinking. My next step is going to be to ignite Petrel people to come together. I would love for us to win out til merge and keep Austin as a number, but we have to look at the bigger picture and until I see otherwise, that picture involves what's best for me and my allies, which seems to be getting Noah/Cheatham out. So I want to spend the next bit getting everyone feeling comfortable with each other again. I'm pretty sure there are people who will think I'm playing the middle, but I will stand by the vote on Tim instead of AnnMarie.
if the hosts had edgic i'd be incentivized to write more confessionals but unfortunately they only incentivize us by giving strikes for not writing any. so here i am not getting any strikes. so i won the hero challenge against annmarie, continuing thrush's win streak which is definitely about to end. the challenge is live endurance, and we are bad at that. but we've voted out the inactives so maybe not this time? one thing which i found weird was that at the reward, we were given the option to forfeit to get the results of a tribal. annmarie, who had just received 4 votes, didn't take it. tbf maybe i misread the rules and she couldn't, but that felt weird to me. i've spoken a bit with steven again, and i do not see myself going very far with him like with noah/austin. not in a cheatham way where keeping him around would be actively detrimental, but in a neutral way. also i like how my cfs are 50% perfect grammar/syntax and 50% forgetting that the caps key exists. it makes the game of reading a cf and trying to figure out who wrote it much more fun!
Kentucky Fried Austin's mist is so strong! Kidding but I am feeling like I prefer Austin staying as opposed to Kyle since it seems Kyle's heart isnt in this as much. Not to mention the way he performed in the challenge was a bit of a red flag to me.
The status quo has returned to normal, Thrush has returned to tribal council. Petrel's strategy of not sleeping won over Thrush's strategy of sleeping before beginning, apparently. I still want to vote out Cheatham, but I was a little worried because everything was a little too convenient, almost as if it fell perfectly into place. Then I realized that if Cheatham knew he was in trouble and played an idol, he wouldn't take me out. Noah is a much bigger threat in my opinion, so any surprise idol plays would likely see him go. Steven is on board, making the plan 3-2 if everything goes as expected because Amy has to self-vote. Will it go right? I sure hope so. But worst case scenario, Noah is idoled out. I mean, that would be terrible, but I'd have three more days to plan something then, so I really don't see myself being in a ton of danger tonight. this is probably my last cf
We won again! I'm still a little confused & annoyed about our tribal council because I was completely left in the dark about the AnnMarie votes, but I guess it ain't too big of a bother since I survived with no votes against me despite what I was told! I hope we merge soon because I'm so ready to take this game to the next level ya have no idea.
Man that last tribal was crazy. So I pretty much constructed the target and I had a good control of the game. However Chris voted Tim out because he wasn’t active in the last 2 hours to see the plan change. In theory I was the person that wanted Tim out so it wasent so bad but I voted Annemarie out and that put me and Gwen in jeopardy. So winning this immunity was crucial. I just hope that my relationship with Chris and Gwen are still very solid. I have Kyle in my corner we just need one more. I seemed very well liked so I don’t think I have to worry but I am nervous going to my next tribal but I do think I have a great grasp of this tribe.
I really still don't know how I wanna play this game . They are alot of good people here but I just don't know who to really trust yet. I hope a merge happens soon just so I can check in with my old tribe .
Kinda exhausted that it’s my name being brought up as the back door every fucking week. At least I have Noah who just tells me stuff. I don’t wanna act like he’s doing EVERYTHING because y’all should hear the stupid shit he brings up and i’m like “No that’s stupid”. But I honestly just expect to go to tribal and try and figure out a way to not get voted out. This idol doesn’t even make me feel safe since I might not even get to use it. I just hope we merge soon and there are more targets than just Cheatham. Mwah
well, steven is now on our tribe so it consists of me/vincent/noah/steven/cheatham. this round the plan is to vote out cheatham bc he has an idol. but everyone else will make him think that they are voting for me so that he doesn't play it. if everything goes according to plan, we will flush and idol and ill lose someone thats been coming after me for a while now
Yeah, my head is currently more cluttered than a kitchen sink so I don't have a lot to say.... but... Still really, really hoping that I can make something work with Austin and AnnMarie! I trust AnnMarie fully, Austin is still slightly questionable! I tried to get Kyle in on it too but he ignored me so...rip! I did get word not though that Liam wasn't super happy about being left out of the last plan though, so maybe we can pull him in. If we have to go to rocks at any point....I'm not scrrrrd!
AAAAAHHHH!!! just thinking back to tribal council makes my heart pound again. I was betrayed, oh my. Most everyone who was working with me changed up THEIR plan and decided to vote for me instead. Chris saved me, but I am not particularly fond of liars. Gwen, bless her heart, is very very very sneaky. Knows exactly what to say to not make herself seem guilty. Tim is gone, and that was the only thing that went according to plan. I now know where my relationships stand with my tribe mates, and things aren't looking good. I am working with Sarah and Austin now, but no one else. I fear that I am now on the bottom. Oh well! I will probably put in another confessional to go more in depth to what happened
Well we lost the challenge. Me and Noah kind of dropped the ball, leaving Vincent to fend for himself. He obviously couldn’t carry the entire tribe, even with the reward advantage(which he also won), but props to him for the valiant effort. So we’re going to tribal tonight. My streak of being the longest player to not go to tribal is finally coming to an end. I’m excited and nervous at the same time. Luckily the plan I’m apart of if pretty much guaranteed to work, so...(bye bye Amy). Hope every thing works out.
Things have calmed down since the tribal council. We won immunity again. I can't believe I posted every 5 minutes for 12.5 hours. Am I a crazy person? Probably. Did I have fun? Yes. And i got to bond with Austin so that is good. Chris and I are talking about ways to do damage control with the AnnMarie and her allies. I wish I could just tell her that I knew where all of the votes were going and that I knew she would be fine...that Tim would go home. But I can't risk her exposing that to Rizo and Kyle. So we are just going with the story that Tim told us last minute that he was targeting us and that one of us would go home if we didn't vote AnnMarie. Since Chris "didn't get online in time" it makes sense that he didn't see Tim threatening him. Fingers crossed this works! I hope we don't have a tribe swap. That could mess things up, depending on who gets switched on to each tribe. Please please please, no tribe swap!! :)
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3 votes Amy, 1 vote Cheatham.
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