#which i thought... we were working past | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mishkakagehishka · 1 year ago

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Give it up for regression everyone🫶

#honestly i'm hoping it won't be fake-out bc that seems kinda cheap and i'm leaning on akira to not use such tropes #but who knows anymore #enstars lb #btw i'm saying regression bc he seems to be falling backwards into the ''dolls are the superior beings''#which i thought... we were working past #and i think that's interesting! that's why i want it to be real this time that his grandfather is gone #bc i think tearing open another wound in his heart would serve his narrative and arc really well #it would make sense to have his path to being better not be linear and that in times of stress he regresses #so he can make further progress after

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itspileofgoodthings · 2 months ago

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ALSO I am learning how to teach very introverted students, something my natural skillset as a teacher does not help me with.

#one of my greatest tools in the toolkit of my teaching (imo) is that I am unpredictable #I will turn on a dime and I’ll share a thought from the depths of my soul or back of the pantry of my random opinions #that will make them laugh or hook them and they want to hear more #with a group of introverted students maybe they love to see it maybe they don’t but it doesn’t work for them to become engaged #they get so quiet and so still #and not in the good way that kind of happens but kind of just in the scared mouse kind of way #BUT. this past week I kind of had a breakthrough #I totally wasn’t planning on it but the moment was right so I talked to them about them being quiet and introverted (gently teasing them)!#and then I said ‘but do you like it when I just stand here and talk about the book’ and they were like ‘yeah! kind of the pressure is off’#and then I said ‘oh! that’s good to know. because when you’re quiet it makes me feel like you hate me’#(not realizing until I said it that that was the heart of the issue)#and they laughed in surprise (i didn’t say it in a way where I was putting that burden on them in a serious way)#and then I said ‘yeah last night I went home like ‘omg was that a stupid thing to say about Frank Churchill?? no one responded’#and then they kind of shriek-laughed at me and they were like noooooo #and then they said what if we gave you a thumbs up when you were done so you know we don’t hate you #and I said that would be great #and THEN a few days later I gave them an agenda for our discussion written out on the board #where I talked and they listened (I called it discussion with myself) and then they had questions to ponder and things to talk about #with each other. and a lot of time. and THEN I cold called them (they won’t volunteer)#but by that time they were so much more relaxed and they knew what we were doing #so they talked more! and it was so goooood #ALSO idk if it was them #or me who had changed but by the time I got to lecturing at them again #I could feel the quiet warmth that I could not before #(the absence of which is what makes speaking publicly instantly a torture to me l o l)#and it helped so much! like. they didn’t say much (some of them did the thumbs up)#but I had cleared the expectations for them and for me tbh and it helped. I was not waiting for a response from them so in fact I got more #of one. and best of all I could feel them feeling both the warmth and the power of Emma a little bit more #it is starting to click. anyway this is so much but y eah #I’ve been wrestling with this problem a l l year. cracking it in December lol

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nikolas-ghostbusters-fixation · 5 months ago

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Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is how everyone thought Egon had gone insane. What Happened that made them think that. They've fought a gigantic Stay Puft Marshmellow Man TWICE (counting the 2009 video game because iirc it's canon? Correct me if I'm wrong), fought an interdimensional god, fought a blood thirsty ruler that killed thousands and was hated by all that was trapped in a painting (and managed to get in to beat him by making THE STATUE OF LIBERTY start walking down the street with slime that reacted purely based on vibes), found an underground abandoned transit system full of the moodslime, had a bathtub try to eat Dana and her baby, fought a giant murderous black widow lady, fought the fisherman ghost who turned an entire hotel floor into the bottom of a ocean, and that's not even mentioning them getting trapped on an island that randomly raised up from underwater that had been abandoned for decades created by Ivor Shandor who worshipped Gozer. So what did he do or say that made everyone else think he'd gone insane?? All I can think is maybe he was acting strange / eratic before, but he's always been like that to some degree.

I don't know. It's something that I've been thinking about. The correct answer is 'it's not that deep and they needed a reason that the others weren't together anymore and weren't aware of Egons death or know what was going on,' but also. What Was He Saying that prompted everyone, including Ray, to think he lost his mind when he'd been right almost every time before that.

I'm genuinely so curious as to what he was up to before this. What was he doing. What insane idea was working on prior to this or was he even working on anything at all??

Also want to clarify this post isn't negative 😭 I really love the newer movies and their lore / the newer storyline / characters, I just like thinking about small stupid things like this. Gives me something to think about / speculate about / figure out an answer to.

#ghostbusters #egon spengler #nikolas posts #I have so many thoughts on it because I've just been rewatching the two movies on loop for the past few days.#All we got was Ray saying that he'd started talking about the end of the world (IIRC) and that he went insane and took everything #when he eventually left to deal with it on his own #which for the record it's extremely impressive that he would've stopped Gozer from returning BY HIMSELF. The only reason it hadn't worked #was because of the electricity issue #Hiding all the traps and setting up the proton packs to fire at the hell pit?? Insanity. He's just on a complete different level of existin #Like they were aware of Ivor Shandor and his plans long before??? They found his ISLAND DEDICATED TO GOZER who had full intention of #BRINGING THEM BACK #it's really Really REALLY not this deep but I have thoughts and I wanted to share them. Maybe someone else might have an idea I #couldn't think of or might have something to add.#I guess it could be a 'they beat Gozer once and assumed they were gone' but that wasn't the first time Gozer 'died' so??#if I missed something Please tell me. I haven't watched the newer movies as much as the older ones (I grew up watching them / playing #the game so I'm more familiar with the older lore and haven't had the chance to rewatch the newer ones 1000 times over unfortunately)#so it's entirely possible I missed something #I'd think maybe it was just because they were older but I really don't think thats the case. I have reasoning for it but I need to do #the math to make sure I'm getting the ages right by the time AfterLife happens.#really need to make a chart / timeline of all the events that happened and what year / month / day they happened. That's a project #for tomorrow perhaps.#anyways if anyones reading this sorry for the insane rambling and congrats for making it to the end #also this post isn't negative I adore the newer movies so much. I love them a lot and I genuinely don't really care about this at all #just a thing to think / ponder / speculate about if that makes sense #I enjoy thinking about stupid irrelevant stuff like this #so so so many thoughts

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wormchaser · 4 months ago

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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.

i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.

#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a #conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit #when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never #messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou #none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but #i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come #easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to #someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as #something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not #know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the #first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk #significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i #was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything #i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems #specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most #of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came #to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here

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trainingdummyrabbit · 17 days ago

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ah. has difficulty sleeping then dreams of apocalypse i guess.

#so i uh; fell asleep again;#its all right. it felt very tangible though #piktalk #it was very fictiony in places but that matters little in dreams like that.#for some reason the sky just. stopped working. or started working differently i guess.#you could see every band of every time of day all at once; leaving a sort of faux secondary horizon in the sky.#(i do not do well with seeing the blank night sky; so i did my best not to look.)#the moon was uncomfortably large and vivid; and you could see it from anywhere. you could not see the sun.#evidently; they were preparing to use a large weapon in case anything could be shot at. we were in the range; so we had to go.#it was mostly everyone in what i assume to be a college dorm scrambling to get their stuff and leave.#by the time i got everything a lot of people had already gone. but we drove off anyway.#it got dark like evening; then even darker past that. my phone lost service and all we had was blind trust in the gps.#nobody else was on the road. it was very quiet. i didnt want to ask how long we had; so it stayed quiet.#it felt important actually; that id left something important behind accidentally.#i was very sad about it; but it felt very concrete. didnt feel like playing or imagining. there was this thought of #'well we wanted a fresh start didnt we? i guess thisll be it.' which felt; feels; very important somehow.#i do think its a little funny though. said weapon from earlier was called justitia. implied to be a pale blue bird.#not really literally. it was still implied to essentially be a nuke. it just looks like a bird from far away.#so. huh. goodmorning.

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la-galaxie-langblr · 3 months ago

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what is going on w my brain

#huge tag rant coming but dw about it #basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and #fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages #it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope #“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i #will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50 #i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts #external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far #but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years #sometimes by up to a month #the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays #are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that #where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows #highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and #having fun #and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning #like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime #like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers #i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did #because i liked them #and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me #i'm working on it but yeah #huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence #because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth

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puppppppppy · 10 months ago

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Atla live action 😐

#thats my honest reaction 😐#to be fair ive only seen 20 minutes of the s1 finale bc my parents are watching it but. mmmmm kinda mid #like. the casting is definitely an improvement since the last time they tried a live action but it feels like the writing falls flat #or maybe im being harsh bc ive only heard negative criticism on it beforehand. but fr anytime u bring up the original its already #good and not just because its the original. so much fucking detail went into it to the point of someone noticing azula wielding mai's knive #to how well thought out irohs character is used as a way of uniting the cast especially as zukos foil #i heard that sokkas sexism was toned down and i have to agree that feels like a cheap move. like i get WHY they think it would be better #but its not about how that reflects on real world its about how it affects the story. sokka starts out as a misogynistic asshole because #it makes it that much more impactful when he changes. toning that down makes it flatter and makes his character development weak #and someone pointed out they didnt even make him wear the kyoshi warrior uniform and i know it feels like such a small detail but #come on man. they did that in the original because not only does it help him really walk in their shoes - wearing 'feminine' clothing and #makeup and having suki explain its significance but it also ties in with the shows theme of harmony and intersectionality #i was also disappointed when they had the fire sages explain how the water tribe draws power from the moon because in the original it was #IROH who explained it to aang and everyone else BECAUSE we as the audience is under the impression hes with the 'bad guys'#and it builds up to how he learned from the other nations which reconciles his past as a war general and his character overall #AND its an excellent starting point for the cast and audience to understand how the nations arent as closed off as you would think #plus you would think its only fire nation doing propaganda but they expanded on that with earth kingdom censorship and it WORKS #a lot of things in the live action also feel arbitrary like. they gave momo a near death experience for 5 minutes for no reason #im firmly on the stance of bringing back filler moments instead of putting major events right after each other so that u give your #audience a sense of time passing and to really absorb the story. but i think thats more like shock value than filler and yeah its a small #thing to gripe about but those things build up and its really annoying. the thing abt avatar filler moments is that however small #its at least meaningful. hell even the beach episode emphasizes how isolated zuko and his friends are as child soldiers #i also swore to never watch the first live action since it was that bad but i really liked the stylized tattoos they used for aang #anyway. those arejust my thoughts. im not gonna watch the rest because im a ride or die for the original aftr growing up and #rewatching it at least 20 times as a kid. but theres definitely room for improvement and i wish ppl wouldnt take it as 'better' just cuz #netflix is adapting it. i wouldve killed for them to just reanimate the entire avatar series and touch NOTHING ELSE no redub #no changes to the story. just reanimate the thing and leave the rest alone and youd make easy money just the same #ALSO its very jarring not hearing jack desena and dante basco voicing sokka and zuko cause their voices were the most recognizable to me #i get that its because its live action but im allowed to feel a little sad abt that. and uncle irohs accent was really soothing #yapping

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averlym · 1 year ago

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some very very quick costume shorthands!

#&juliet #had the absolute luck of watching this live the other night and it was. truly amazing!!! aaah #rough character designs for the younger leads (excluding like the Grown adult duos..) because?? idk #this is how it always starts. once the character designs start getting simplified like this that's when it all begins #which is hmmm timing but i really can't shut up about this musical it was so so fun. absolute vibes and energy #made me laugh and cry and was such an Experience. i adore them all but may specifically made me sob at some parts dfjkldfh #lots of thoughts! but one of the favs is how they wrote it so the existing songs and actions fit so well.#like in a rhyming bit they had frankie accept a drink and then the song was like ''drink in hand'' and i was all !!!!!!#also maybe it's local censorship? but there wasn't the kisses.. they replaced it w kissing hands and then holding hands #which is like a cute nod to the ''hand to hand holy palmers kiss' or smth but also maybe two guys doing that would not have made it past :/#oh my god i. the way rnj parallels the shakespeare duo... whdskjfhgh. may + not being a Girl kdjhgf. frankie and may. aaagh.#angelique being so so badass. i . the speech about Gender by anne and the Proposal by angelique both made the whole theatre cheer love that #also rotating stage lives in my mind rent free i ADORE the set holy moly.. also also the actors were so good. also the Projections.#also the music and costumes and special effects and aerial moments. and the ensemble. and the choreo #also the cast is so talented. and pretty. and the whole confidence part vs the vulnerability of some bits... whshjfgjkl. hhh #im just listing stuff now but it was so vibes. what an experience ever. it's also shot me directly into 14-years-old again so #spent the morning alone vibing to the soundtrack intensely... i just... sometimes things hold special places in your heart idk!!!#i don't know what to do with these designs though... like the show is such a lovely Spectacle but also idk where to branch out by myself no #there's so much to Absorb again and again. i get the feeling any true work from this i would do in a form of an animatic though.. oops #tldr? 1. &juliet very good just as itself 2. we have History 3. i got to see it live which always propels me into bonkers over musicals!#so so rough but i needed to get smth out and . whatever. an art blog is an art blog. back to hiatus now i think #<reminder to myself: this is essentially an artchive.. there's no quality control if you don't want it! have fun!! ily>

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whenthegoldrays · 5 days ago

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Taylor Swift’s “If This Was A Movie” 🤝🏼 Hannah Montana’s “If We Were A Movie”

being a Molly Gibson / Roger Hamley song

#it’s also cool because iwwam is looking to the future — if we were a movie … I’d be the best friend you’d fall in love with in the end #while itwam is about looking back at the lack of expected results — if this was a movie you’d be here by now #iwwam is this is what could happen this is how is could — can — end #and itwam is this is what should’ve happened but now we’re past what should’ve been the happy ending and there’s. nothing #the latter of which works for Molly and Roger in a meta way as well as an in-narrative way #because Roger DID in fact stand outside in the rain outside til she came out #but because she couldn’t come out they didn’t have that specific ending #even thought they COULD have (and they do in the mini etc etc)#and then also as a reader you get to where there should be a full happy ending and there’s. nothing #baby what about the ending!!!!!#I honestly love analyzing the link between the song and their story so much #elly's posts #wives and daughters #ts x my favs

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rrogueamendiares · 11 days ago

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cannot believe the professor extended the videogame project delivery deadline lmao...maybe our shitty game still has a chance of improvement and i wont be declared clinically insane

#the deadline was yesterday at 11.59pp and he sent the email at like 8pm #my teammates and i were so fucking done with each other bc it was crazy in the past week #like. they were so behind with their work while i had finished my part #and i was trying to clean up their messes. and then one of them DELETED BY ACCIDENT one of my levels #ON GOD i was about to leave the world of the living. then he managed to restore it #BUT STILL they were coming up with stuff they should have thought about weeks ago. you know stuff like #DO WE NEED TO RESPAWN OBHECTS AFTER PLAYER DEATH??? NO SHIT BRO if you did your work on time you would have realized!!!!!!#anyway im fine and good. i have an exam tomorrow which i didn't properly study for because of this fucking project #yay this is what i've been up to !#shut up belle

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truecorvid · 3 months ago

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ohhhhh my godddddd

#teeth.txt #i'm a temp worker right now which is fine but management has been SO UNCLEAR about how long theyre actually gonna keep me on #when i was hired officially as a temp (changed from a student) i was told directly that i was authorized to work for a full year #(aka until july 2025)#so i was like cool sounds good!#but then earlier this month i asked for a slight schedule change (to work MORE mind you)#and got an email back saying 'ok your schedule is approved through oct 31st aka when your contract ends!'#and i was like. haha. what do you mean by that.#and was told to talk to my supervisor about continuing to work past that date #which i did and she was like 'oh yeah i want your help' so i was like cool. sorted.#and that was... two weeks ago?#but i literally just got another email on that original thread from my supervisor #being like 'hey [director] did you decide to approve baz to keep working?'#DONT CC ME ON THIS!!!!!!!!!!#most stressful email to receive at 8:30 in the morning #i thought we were all squared away!!!!!!!!!!! i thought it was fine!!!!!!!!!#i just wish there was more transparency. like am i out of a job in 2 weeks or not.#this is also not the first time something like this has happened el oh el #helpppppp i'm gonna die

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wolpatinga · 5 months ago

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#*beep* oh. hey. guess you're sleeping? maybe you're at work. or out with friends. i hope wherever you are it's good #or that it's getting better. i really do #i'm not good. but you knew that already. otherwise why would i be leaving this message?#sorry. i just need to talk for a bit i guess #cause it's like. every day i write a hundred posts and every day i delete most if not all of them #and i could not tell you why #this is my blog after all. my words and thoughts go here #but also. this is my third place. and i can't lose that #isn't that crazy? i can't lose the handful of notes from reblogging other people's posts #the idea that somehow i'm constructing myself in the cut and paste instead of doing something myself #and i do try to make posts of my own. but nothing's ever worth posting. i don't even let it rot in the drafts. it's just gone #and i try to think about what would stop me from doing this #which inevitably brought me here - what would i be doing if it were fifty years ago #and i think the answer is i'd be calling someone who used to care and blowing up their answering machine #and i think about old answering machines. the ones that need a tape to record the message #does dora just re-record over the tapes that harry fills?#does she trash them? i'm guessing she doesn't listen to them #i won't tell you what to do with this message. i'll spare you a call to action #it's not like a diary would fix this. i have a diary. i've been keeping one regularly for months now #i think i want to be perceived but i refuse to speak unless spoken to and i will not reach out on here unless i'm being a kindly anon #and when i talk irl it's all broken disjointed subjects without predicates #it takes such effort for me to talk that people stop asking me out of kindness. but there's still thoughts i haven't said #thoughts that don't need to be said. we don't *need* another person rambling on about whatever random fandom topic or half-assed scribbles #i tried making serious art and meta posts for like four years across different fandoms #it's all gone now. as is most of my poetry. lotta things i don't know or care to know #and i can't bring myself to do that again. esp if that's not why you're here. so like. it's easier just to remain quiet?#because. i know people *can* understand. but it takes effort #and i can't guarantee a return on investment. i don't know if the cost of teaching me how to talk again is worth it #god i want to infodump but that was beaten out of me. the need is still there but i can't. it hurts #idk. things are good and then things are bad and on the whole they're good and getting better

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culmaer-sideblog · 6 months ago

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please forgive me, but I need to complain and over-share or my brain is going to explode please feel free to ignore

#I'm not doing well.#the last two places I worked (in a tourism-adjacent sector) closed. broadly speaking due to post-lockdown financial issues #for the past year at my current job I've been earning less than half what I used to. this was the only offer I got at the time and #I haven't found anything better since. this is not sustainable I'm barely making it each month...#I live with my parents and cancelled my health insurance I don't know how else to reduce my budget. it's depressing tbh #the solution is obviously to find a better job but that's just not happening and I'm beginning to feel discouraged.#I hate being negative it's a very unattractive character trait but I just feel myself slipping and spiraling #I know I should be taking short courses or volunteering to boost my cv but like when ! and how !#I can't afford to work less but I get home at 20h so even evening courses are tricky. I work every other saturday too so weekends are out #and like I do need to rest at some point you can't be depressed and burnt out that's a terrible combo #was looking at a dtp/typesetting short course and 1) I'll need a new computer that can actually run design programs #and 2) the course itself is like 2 month's salaries which I cannot realistically save right now #and yet I'm still ''over-qualified'' for entry level positions because I went to uni. well maybe that's just a polite excuse #because as interesting as my humanities degrees were they didn't equip me with any practical or marketable skills #besides being good at reading and writing. but AI can do that for free now so that's not helpful #I always thought I was reasonably intelligent but I cannot solve this puzzle. there must be a creative solution that I'm missing #but i feel so stuck and trapped #and at least once a week some poor soul stumbles in to the office practically begging for a job so I feel bad for complaining #a little truly is better than nothing #but thank god we elected more pro-business capitalists into government that really is going to be great for us workers (sarcasm)#also I should acknowledge #I am getting some déjà vu. I feel like I've vented about this topic before #the difference is. back then it was a potential concern. now the concern has materialised into reality and rendered the situation desperate

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imagine-nerd · 8 months ago

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The fucking disconnect is so real.

#theo's thoughts #Story time for the people who love reading tags bc I love sharing things in the tags #So I work at a therapeutic day school and this past school year like four school days before Thanksgiving break I was asked a question #The question was if I would be willing to step up and be a long term sub in a middle school classroom #To me this was less of a question and more of a hey we need someone to do this and you're who the assistant teacher asked for #Which cool yeah fine I'll give it a go I really like that person (the assistant teacher who asked for me) and I trust her judgement on this #I was asked and accepted on Thursday. Friday‚ Monday‚ and Tuesday happen. Then three day Thanksgiving break #When we got back from break I was the teacher and it was rough at first and it sure as hell was never easy but I enjoyed it #My formal teacher observation was my boss basically going like so I see you doing all the things and the basis is there #But it's not being followed through on because of behaviors from the most unmedicated classroom I've seen in all my years working education #And now for the summer they're changing 2/3 staff that were in the room and who even knows who the teacher will be (a new hire? Maybe?)#If there truly is a new hire coming in (fed to the wolves immediately btw what a dick move) but that new hire will be the fourth teacher #These kids have had in a year? A year and a half max. The fourth. After the only thing I've been repeatedly told by admin for months #Is that we need to be stable and consistent because we may be these kids' only reliable source of that consistency and stability?#So you're going to have me come in and tell me I've done such a great job and then tell me you're moving me to 'give me a break'#Trauma informed care my fucking ass. I hope those kids raise fucking hell over it.#The brutal satisfaction of watching your own crops burn and knowing that the invaders will starve is great and all but these are kids!#They're barely just about to be teenagers (11 at the youngest and 14 at the oldest) and this is what you're going to do to them?#Yes they can be complete assholes and are often dicks to one another but they're in our school for a fucking reason? I don't get it.#Then two hours later after being told abt the change‚ the clinical director puts me as one of the three main recipients in an email #Saying that there's going to be a new student starting in that room in the summer and the real icing on the cake?#This all happens on last day before summer break. we're out of session for two weeks now and you're just dropping these changes on us now?#God I'm so fucking tired

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thethingything · 9 months ago

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so CBT never worked for us in therapy. basically every instance of it was therapists trying to get us to stop being anxious about very real problems that were very likely to happen. like, situations that were not only likely, but would be very dangerous if they did happen. sometimes even things that had already happened and were likely to happen again.

meanwhile we have an app on our phone that guides you through various CBT exercises and it turns out when we use that for the kind of shit where we already know our brain is being irrational and we just want to get our thoughts together and work through the issue by writing it out, it works really fucking well and oh look suddenly we've been doing CBT for an hour and processed the root cause of several key emotional issues we've been having for years.

funny how that works. it's almost like we can actually figure out for ourselves when something is irrational and when it's an actual real problem that could put us in danger and shouldn't be dismissed. who'd have fucking thought it

#personal #thoughts #Lucy post #therapy #this is fine to reblog if it resonates with you. if anyone starts being a shithead in the notes I'm blocking on sight though #do not pull a ''see! CBT can be helpful if it's done right! if it harmed you then your therapist was just doing it wrong'' in my comments #the therapists that harmed us were using the exact same techniques but just as a blanket solution for every single problem #and yeah you can argue that's ''doing it wrong'' and I couldn't really say you're wrong about that #but when someone's saying ''hey the way this technique is usually used has done a lot of harm to me''#it's kind of shitty to be like ''well that's not real CBT though. real CBT isn't harmful''#when it's the same techniques being used in the way they're very often used because the therapists are taught to use them that way #anyway this has been a random rant about CBT because I'm pissed that a tool that does help us when used for a very specific set of issues #has been used so badly in the past that we still end up being reluctant to use it for the things it actually helps with #because we still associate the fucking thinking traps and shit with being gaslit and told we were being irrational #for thinking very real very dangerous situations were in fact real and dangerous to us #having to admit that CBT helped with something feels like when you finally take the advice about going outside and hydrating more #and eating better and gratitude journaling and realise you do actually feel better and have to admit the advice does help #after years of feeling like you're being dismissed because people keep telling you to do those things when you talk about being depressed #like okay yeah it did actually work. when I chose to do it. when I felt ready to #when I wasn't being forced into it by people expecting it to fix every single issue I have despite it only helping in very specific ways #anyway I wonder how much quicker we'd have learn healthy coping mechanisms if people hadn't treated various shit like cure-alls #and had said ''hey this will help with this specific thing in this way which will make these other things more manageable'' instead

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dandyshucks · 9 months ago

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need Guz to hug me tightly for like an hour solid oh my god dhdjdkl I went driving for the first time in over a year and I chewed my lip raw 😭😭

I'm starting to look like a caricature of Anxiety with all these physical symptoms and signs LMAO

#this is so ridiculous fhfjdkdl #i do not like driving fjdkdl i know i should not be on the roads #but unfortunately i have to bc i live rural and also my parents insist i ''just need more practice''#practice is not going to fix the dissociation ��😭 practice will not fix the Other Drivers being shitty and scary and reckless fjfkdl #it might make it slightly easier bc i wont have to think as hard about shoulder and mirror checks and roadsigns and speed limits #and where i am located on the road and intersection rules and whatnot #but like... it does not fix that i live in a town (and world lol) where ppl are fucking bonkers on the road #i had someone riding my ass for like a full five minutes. we had only two feet btwn us. MAYBE. IF THAT MUCH.#he was BIG mad that i was going the speed limit #and THERES A POLICE STATION LIKE RIGHT NEAR THAT AREA MY GUY IM NOT GONNA GO OVER THE SPEED LIMIT RIGHT THERE LMAO ????#also im a rule follower usually so i do tend to go Exactly the speed limit fjfkdl #and maaannn that makes people SO fucking angry dhfjdl its impossible to drive Anywhere without having someone right on ur bumper #its so ridiculous like... that's not helping anyone ??? ur not getting to ur destination faster by riding up on somebodys ass ???? hewwo ???#ANYWAYS. i drove around the neighborhood and then went up the highway and thru some intersections and then into the main core of town #and then i got my dad to take over from there bc it was lunch hour and the core of town is a lawless land at the best of times #MY NERVES ARE FRIED. i need Guz to act as a weighted blanket or one of those pressure therapy vests for me LOL #im like... shaking fhdjsl that was far more than i thought we were going to do for driving today good lord #IM OKAY THOUGH I SURVIVED I DIDNT EVEN HIT A CURB OR ANYTHING #i think I've only hit a curb once so far in all my times driving and that was on my second time driving on a road i think #so pretty good track record... im a very careful driver fjdkdl i work so hard to be safe and drive smoothly #during my driving test the only thing the test guy had to critique was that i waited at an intersection when i could've gone #but the reason i waited was bc i wasnt sure i could make it across the traffic lane before the oncoming vehicle got to us #so it was like. a safe decision overall but a little too hesitant which can actually be unsafe fjdkdl #AUGH ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING SM #driving stresses me out so bad and my lip is all raw now and i have so many physical stress symptoms the past few days fhfjdl #after tonight i should be able to calm down a bit hopefully fhfkdl theres a thing we're going to tonight thats been stressing me out so bad #but after tonight it'll be over and hopefully I can get myself settled down again fjfjdkl #dandy.cmd #vent //

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