#which i probably will be emotional about but i am endeavoring to not care anymore | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

frogfriend-247 · 8 months ago

Text

I’m so used to taking on all of the responsibility of holding relationships together. I learned to approach my relationships with an internal sense of detached aloofness — so I’d enjoy my time with them, be passive and agreeable and helpful: whoever I thought they would prefer. But I’d never get fully connected. I felt the need to always, constantly be ready should the relationship end; I needed to ensure that I was ready to detach and move on the moment they were done with me — because, in my experience, it was always up to me to solve the relationship issues (the other people wouldn’t put in any work), and I didn’t have it in me to do that over and over again, especially since I could always fail. I’d rather not need anybody — so I made sure that I never got attached enough to anyone (or anything) that I couldn’t “do without.”

Then, I went to college, and was no longer living at home anymore…And lo and behold: things started changing! It took a hot minute for the change to be noticeable to me — probably about 1-1.5 years — but I found that I was genuinely attached to people. Maybe the feelings were still dulled, still not as intense as they are for most people, but they were there, and I didn’t know what to do about it.

I had been in therapy for a while, and I genuinely wanted to improve, so I tried not to internally detach when I realized this. And I was successful in this endeavor — except I found myself overcorrecting. I would be somewhat overbearing and needy, and I would obsess over people. I would go huge lengths to help my friends and be with them any chance I get — which might seem positive, but it’s possible to be too helpful. I didn’t do anything too bad, I don’t think; even as I’m putting effort into expressing my emotions more, I still end up directing them inwards the vast majority of the time, especially if the emotion is negative. So I was having more extreme reactions to minor, perceived abandonments, and I was more clingy, and my relationships suffered because of it.

And recently — due to moments like the one I mentioned in the previous post — I realized the reason why my relationships were suffering when I tried harder to keep them going. It’s because I wasn’t trusting them. I chose them as my people, but I wasn’t trusting them to choose me back.

When I realized the problem, of course, it wasn’t immediately solved. But I started to loosen my grip, to trust them to still like me and include me in their lives even without me budding into it. And as a result? …I lost a friend, which, predictably, made a lot of things worse for me. But it also led to moments like these too, when friends show they care about me, all on their own, completely out of the blue.

And I am far from being mentally healthy, but. It helps.

My best friend texted me today out of nowhere and my reaction was way more dramatic than it probably should have been. Like… They remember my existence when I’m not around?? They wonder about my life and actually want me to be a part of theirs??? what?????

#I think I went kind of overboard with that #and I want to end there #but I wrote all of that without even mentioning my partner?#which feels legitimately criminal #so I’m going to talk about them now for a minute #my partner cares about me even when I don’t reach out first #but it took me a long time to trust that #we’re long distance #but we’ve been together for like 4 years #and known each other for 7 #and I still feel insecure in my other relationships #but with them I feel (more or less) secure #I love them so much #they’ve literally never let anything threaten our relationship (before or after we started dating)#not even the fact that I’m aroace #like they accepted it immediately #queerplatonic relationship #queerplatonic love #platonic love #support system #mental health #mental illness #bpd #bpd fp #disclaimer though that I’m not diagnosed #but my therapist thinks it’s likely #anyway I’m out of ideas #so I’m gonna end this here

1 note · View note

allmightluver · 4 years ago

Note

**bnha spoilers** I'm just sat here with renewed realisation of what All Might is going through. 40 years. /40 years/ he held and refined that power and dedicated his every waking (and sleeping if Vigilantes is anything to go by) moment towards the goal of defeating AfO and creating a society in which people could feel happy and safe. And now as it turns out AfO is still alive, society is broken and he has given a literal piece of his soul to this young boy leaving himself with only phantoms

Yes. I don’t think people quite grasp what all he’s going through.

It’s been shown recently to us that some, if not most, heroes have underlying ambitions in becoming a hero. Whether for money, glory, fame, popularity, doesn’t matter. They’re ultimately in it for themselves. Toshinori’s intentions from the beginning have been the most pure- he wanted to be a symbol that people can look to and know things will be ok. A symbol of hope. This boy was only around 14 years old when he decided this. What kind of 14 year old sees the world that clearly? Sees that people have no hope, that a veil of darkness covers them. The only thing I can think of is- Toshinori did not have a good childhood. Something had to have happened to a boy that young to stop seeing the joy in life so early, and see the world’s flaws. Truthfully, I believe he was an outcast- due to his quirklessness. Most likely an orphan, perhaps abandoned by his parents, as we’ve never seen him have any family. I do truly believe Toshinori has been alone all his life. I don’t doubt more could have happened to him as a child before he met Nana.

Some may argue that Izuku is the same age, and therefore it shouldn’t be that hard to see why Toshinori wanted to be a hero at such a young age. BUT, Izuku had someone to look up to, ever since he was a child of four years old, to inspire him to be a hero his whole life *cough cough* All Might. Izuku also was quirkless, much like Toshinori, and an outcast because of it (hence where I assume Toshinori was much the same). But ultimately, Izuku wanted to save people because he saw his hero do it. It really wasn’t until Izuku was a bit older, has been in UA, has been on rescue missions, has seen what the heroes see, that I think he’s truly realized how dark the world really is. Toshinori didn’t have that. He didn’t have someone to inspire him as a child, someone to look up to, a hero to inspire him to help others. At that time, heroes hadn’t become as popular as they are in present times. Toshinori saw the world for what it was, on his own, at a tender age. I think that day Nana ran into this blonde hair kid, she eyed him up, noticed his scraggly form, looked into those captivating blue eyes, and saw a man who’s lived through the world’s horrors- experienced the worst it has to offer-, and wants to save everyone he can from the same fate, all in a 14 year old boy.

Then after only a few short years with the woman he saw as his mother, she’s killed in front of him because of his own weakness- he wasn’t strong enough yet to protect her. The only other person his life, Gran Torino, literally abused him. He beat him to a pulp, taking his own emotions out on a teenager, and I doubt Toshinori said anything of it. He probably thought he deserved it. He’s still afraid of Gran Torino to this day, remembering the beatings and expecting more for his failures- even if he doesn’t know what they are surely he’s at fault for something, but he’s the only person who’s stood by his side for this long. Even while at a distance, and spouting nothing but criticisms along the way. But Toshinori had to put aside his own emotions to be that hope for everyone. He left everything he knew to go to a new country on his own, to learn how to be a hero, to be that hope for someone.

Vigilantes showed us just how hard he worked. Toshinori literally stayed awake with no sleep for days on end- 3 in the chapter I’m referencing- because people needed help, people needed saving, and no one else stepped up. He fought villains, rescued civilians, repaired damage, cleared rubble, (even accept and eat food that was against his dietary restrictions after his injury) whatever the public needed, all while draining himself further. He worked himself to the point of exhaustion because he had no help, once literally falling asleep while mid-leap across the city because he simply could go no further.

^^These happen in succession of each other^^

No one stepped up to say “Hey, Mr. Number 1, you’ve been working hard lately. Let me help you!” No one tried to take over his position. Even the Number 2 hero, Endeavor, never tried to take some of his burden. His only goal was to try to be better than All Might in terms of power- he was never trying to be the hero that the people relied on All Might for. Everyone relied on him when things looked grim. He was the back up plan. And all of this happened before Toshinori’s injury.

The only thing he ever wanted to do- help people- he can’t do (at least the way he’s always known how to). The ability to save people has been taken from him in the most gruesome way. He was finally able to fight the man that killed Nana, and in a rage that I’m sure echoed with all of the emotions of the previous users, he smashed that man’s head like a grape. But not without consequence. Several organs are gone. The pain is excruciating. He wears that man’s mark on his body for the rest of his life, never truly able to rid himself of the filth.

Then we have Nighteye’s betrayal. The man that helped him as a sidekick, the man that grew to be his only friend. Now some people may ask why Toshinori flipped like he did to Nighteye looking into his future when he was concerned about him making it through his injury. What I believe is Toshinori didn’t want to know when he would die (and really, who does). Now he knows he’s on a time limit, knows the clock is ticking. Time is running out to keep the world at peace, and with him as he is now, how long can this go on?

I think the betrayal, doing something that Toshinori specifically asked him not to do, is what hurt the most. How can he trust Nighteye anymore? He already can only count on one hand the people he can trust, let alone befriend.

He’s wasted away into a skeleton, a shell of the man he used to be. He can’t over exert himself without his only lung bleeding in protest. It’s canon in the side books that he really doesn’t eat much, which isn’t good for his diet without a stomach now (he’s supposed to have several small meals a day). He is quite literally punishing himself by starving. (Granted, he doesn’t feel hunger anymore.) He’s a sick man, beyond medical help at this point. They can only stabilize him and hope for the best. For five years now he’s in constant pain, every day. He loses blood like sweat. Surely his veins are bruised and collapsed with how many times he would have needed to be hospitalized. Whether from losing too much blood, being too dehydrated or starved from “forgetting” to eat, or an organ failing as body continues to fall apart. “...even as my body rots and grows frail...” - Toshinori People are bound to stare at him as he walks down the street. A tall, willowy, skeleton with a grimace on his face and blood stains on his clothes as he coughs up more into his own hands. There would be the ones who outright ignore him when they walk by, the people who offer pitying smiles and sympathetic glances or just outright stare, and then ones who are afraid of his appearance- children screaming at the mere sight of him and running to their parents to hide from the monster. Each one is another knife in Toshinori’s side, an ache in his chest. If only they knew who I really am.

Losing Nighteye took a toll on his hero work as well. Mirai was a huge help in the past, and took care of all Toshinori’s paperwork, while also reminding him to take care of himself. Without him, Toshinori was even more buried beneath his responsibilities. Plus, now he was on a time limit. He even snapped briefly in his first meeting with Tsukauchi, accidentally revealing himself as All Might because he was under too much pressure, and telling the detective he literally couldn’t handle doing everything by himself (who graciously took over the paperwork side of things for him).

He was living a double life now, having to lie to people left and right about who he was while in his small form, about how he became so sickly, why he was here in the first place who the heck is this skinny old guy. Surely he had multiple visits to the doctor while continuing to repair the damage done by AFO (there’s a limit to how much the body can handle at once. And things I’m sure continued to fail as time went on). Then he would be bedridden for as long as the doctors could keep him strapped to a bed, until he couldn’t take the people’s cries for help any longer, and would jump into action. (It’s also revealed he has something of a super hearing- able to hear danger- which may have been a form of danger sense of OFA that was never fully unlocked?. Either way, he surly could sense disasters happening while he could only lay and heal from his latest surgery. Those poor doctors must have had to re-stitch him several times). People blame him for not preparing society for his retirement, that he failed in passing on the torch so to speak, but in reality he did everything possible to keep society from falling for 40 years, doing all within his power just to keep things afloat. He is only one person. One human being, he can’t do everything despite trying to. Society failed All Might.

People blame him for not being a good teacher. He didn’t exactly have the greatest teacher himself to learn from. He’s never had to teach anyone anything, he just punches! He’s learning. And for his own credit, he’s an incredibly wise man, he has years of experience under his belt, and an intelligence score of 6/6, scoring up there with Nezu! He may not always have the right way to bring something up, but he’s doing his best. Yet even he blames himself for Izuku not being able to control his quirk better. Every time the boy hurts himself, it’s just another tally on the chalkboard of Toshinori’s failures. He himself knows the boy deserves better, better than him. Useless. Pathetic.

Then his friend from America, Dave, essentially became a villain trying to preserve Toshinori’s legacy after Toshinori told him about his injury. Dave went behind his back, threatened people, injured people (pretty sure people died), all for Toshinori’s sake. Something he didn’t want to begin with. Having to put your only other friend in jail for trying to help you surely couldn’t have been easy.

Oh, by the way? All For One isn’t dead. All Might will fight him again, publicly, have his weakened form exposed to the world, and have his own emotions toyed with as he finds out about his master’s grandson in the villain’s hands. Would Nana hate him for leaving her son alone like she’d asked, and dooming her grandchild to be raised by the greatest villain? Could he have done anything to save him? But Toshinori isn’t allowed to feel, he has to smile and push his own feelings aside once again, because there’s a villain to be fought, and only he can fight him. Despite coming out on top, he’ll have suffered severe head trauma, broken left arm, destroyed right arm, and several cuts and bruises that are sure to scar. And then, his quirk, the only thing that’s been allowing him to help people, the gift given to him that he carefully held for 40 years and molded into his own until his very consciousness was permanently carved into it, blows out like a match in the wind. And he’s done. Used up. Empty. Broken. Hollow. Alone, again.

He overhears his student, Bakugo, admit that he blames himself for All Might’s retirement. If he hadn’t been captured, All Might wouldn’t have had to save him, and he wouldn’t have had to fight AFO. Of course Toshinori knows that’s not true, his time was about to run out anyway. It would have happened one way or another. But how can he explain to this child that he wasn’t the cause of his hero, the world’s greatest hero, fighting for his sake, bleeding for his sake, being forced into retirement to keep him safe. Every time Bakugo sees the bandages covering Toshinori’s body is another reminder of the pain and sacrifice Toshinori willingly gave to keep him safe. Toshinori wasn’t held when his mentor died. He wasn’t told it was ok to be sad, that grief and mourning was a natural process, that it takes time to heal. He wasn’t told it was ok to cry. Instead his feelings were beaten out of him as he wondered if Gran Torino blamed him for Nana’s death. He already blamed himself How then, does he comfort a child mourning for him? For what he lost.

And then he gets the call to come to the hospital. Mirai, Nighteye, his old sidekick friend, has been gravely injured, much like he himself was only a few years ago, and most likely won’t survive the night. And to his horror, Nighteye is happy to see him, smiles at him, says he doesn’t hate him for what happened, only wants Toshinori to be happy. He can’t accept that, at least let him apologize, reconcile his sins before it’s too late! But it is. Another fractured piece of his heart gone.

Of course, seeing your students beat up and their arms completely destroyed must have hurt. Instead of being able to save these kids, they’re the ones that hurt themselves to save everyone else. And if Bakugo had kept OFA, things could have been very different (especially with what we know now of OFA and people with quirks). Toshinori wasn’t mad at Izuku for transferring it away, he’d never regret choosing Izuku, and I believe he still would have stayed by Izuku and Bakugo’s side should it have stayed in Bakugo, doing whatever he could to help.

As he tells Aizawa, “I’ve decided to live,” -that statement seems so melancholy, besides obvious reasons. It sounds more like another task he has to accomplish. He didn’t die he was supposed to die with the AFO fight, and now the whole life he lived is over. The world has no use for him anymore. If not for Izuku, he’d have nothing left keeping him here. But because his boy made him promise to live, he’ll do so. Though it almost seems like he says those words with regret. “I’ve decided to live.” Not, “I’m going to live!” “Nothing can kill me!” “I won’t go down without a fight!” No. “I’ll live if I have to, only because you asked me to.” The man is obviously and outwardly depressed. He has so many things against him. No doubt has severe PTSD, anxiety, among others. Not to mention his own physical health. Every day hurts. It’s painful to be alive. Why would he torture himself if he doesn’t have to? For you, my boy. You’re the only thing keeping me here. The only light in my dark world.

He tries to help Izuku find out the previous holder’s quirks, to help his boy in any way he can now that he’s worthless, and goes days on end without sleep, running his body into the ground. He even forgets Christmas. Only to find that by giving the boy the same gift he had received, he may have just doomed him to an early death, among psychological torture (danger detection). (Granted, he really doesn’t know how everything works, and he’s afraid to talk to anyone about it). His boy could live only half a life.

It’s only been a few months since he retired, and society has fallen into shambles. People are blaming him. People are dying. He watches helplessly as his colleague fight his fight for him, and end up battered, bruised, crippled, dead. He students, his boy, battle the monster he should have killed. Children are bleeding. This shouldn’t happen. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Is everything he worked for, everything he fought to protect, to build up, to inspire, is all for naught?! Did he live a foolish dream and doom the world? Was all the the friends he lost, tears he shed, the organs he destroyed, the pain he endures on a daily basis from the hole in his side, and the blood he continues to bleed every day, for nothing? The public, the ones he protected for so long, mourn his absence, but surely there are those among them who also blame him. The statue from his last fight in Kamino one that he never asked for was decimated in a mock of his catch phrase- the one that was supposed to give hope.

Now he can feel his own vestige speaking with Izuku in the OFA realm, even with out OFA in his own body anymore. His clock as nearly reached it’s limit, Nighteye’s prediction is due any day now. The only thing he wants is to see his boy smile at him, to give him some shred of hope. Yet the child remains unconscious, and Toshinori can’t even hold his hand from the bandages covering his arms. Will he still be able to fight? Is there any coming back from this now? Did I break him?

With all Toshinori has been through, I’m honestly surprised we haven’t seen him just outright break down. Anyone, anyone, else should have crumbled under the pressure of holding up the world for 40 years alone. And instead of being able to pass it on to someone when he can no longer bear its weight, it simply falls to into the abyss. People don’t credit All Might enough for everything he’s done. Most don’t realize the sacrifices he’s made. His character is so unbelievably profound and deep, it’s more than just the “I am here!” people focus on. He’s a deeply troubled, layered, complex character. And I can’t find fault within him.

2K notes · View notes

fedzkun · 4 years ago

Text

Villain Hunt Arc Meta: All For One’s Horrific Guide to Methodically Breaking Down Your Local OFA Holder

Ft. Turning the ‘Overpoweredness’ of OFA into a Setback, and AFO’s Successful Manipulations Of Midoriya Izuku

In which I also give AFO too much credit for all the pain he’s probably caused, and theorize that his plans to break Izuku actually started getting enacted even before he’d escaped Tartarus.

(A.k.a. me loving the angst because this is really good angst writing, but also hating it because the manga doesn’t come with a Angst with A Happy Ending tag unless you count Izuku’s ‘this is the story of how I became the greatest hero’ which isn’t really a guarantee of happiness )

So. What an arc! In the span of ten chapters (starting from the end of the War arc) Hori delivered a full-on Villain-looking, Vigilante Midoriya Izuku. Congratulations, Horikoshi, for finally introducing Akatani Mikumo!

The fast pacing and lack of breather panels are so fitting for this arc truly. AFO never gave them a moment’s rest. Yes, from henceforth as he’d promised... It’s always going to be his turn.

Izuku is making amazing progress with unlocking the full power of One For All. In his words, his abilities might as well already be on par with what a healthier All Might could do, and with no recoil to boot. Plus, there’s only one last quirk to unlock. For villain fights, I don’t think we need to worry about him losing, or him breaking anymore bones at this time.

Which, some might argue, makes Izuku too ‘OP.’

To start with, I want to talk first about the ‘overpoweredness’ of the One For All quirk. It’s a wonderful quirk truly, having inspired and amazed so many because of its sheer power. Used well, it could grant instant victories and restore the people’s wavering faith to the heroes. Because with a quirk like that on your side, everything’s going to be alright, right? There’s always gonna be that bit of hope that something is still strong enough to stand against the looming evil...right?

Yeah. That’s what the people who’d lived under All Might’s Era of Peace thought so too. History repeats.

OFA’s ‘OP-ness’ is both a great blessing and a great burden.

Here are some points on how the narrative has made OFA's 'overpoweredness' a setback:

1. All For One—that bastard—exploits the urge that comes with OFA. Just as ‘AFO the quirk’s’ goal is to steal OFA, OFA’s job is to defeat AFO, and Izuku is sacrificing himself to its cause.

Here’s another thing I want to point out: The conclusion that the heroes drew about AFO planning to capture Midoriya Izuku alive? In rereading, I’m starting to believe it’s nothing but a mere assumption of his plans. Aside from the deal made with Lady Nagant—of which I think AFO didn’t take seriously anyway and set her up for failure— (and while we as readers are already aware of his true intentions to wear Izuku down) it’s weird that nowhere had AFO directly mentioned to Izuku that he’s going to kidnap him and take his quirk from him.

2. OFA made Izuku so brilliant (e.g. Pros and former Pros alike going “This kid...”) that they really can't help but place all their hopes on him. Sighs. In an ideal world, this would be a dream come true of Izuku getting his due credit for all his heroic achievements Pro heroes have started to do to Izuku what they’ve done all their lives to All Might--which is to put him on the pedestal, while they fall back to cover him like guards/safety net. Hence, falling back to the One Pillar Model mindset.

3. OFA makes Izuku untouchable, not only to the villains, but also to his allies. Prime material to reinforce isolation. And if Izuku doesn't want to be caught, he won't make it easy for either side.

4. OFA IS SUS AF, OKAY? What are the Holders doing?! While gaining access to them makes it easier and convenient to have personal trainers in handling OFA, the vestiges prove to add a lot to Izuku’s mental load. If they’d allowed Izuku to come to the point of being caked with blood and filth, they’re not doing very well at guiding him. Realize that most of their arc interactions with Izuku is Quirk Talk. They, of all people, should know how AFO’s machinations work! Hey First, for the love of god, warn Izuku! He’s showing so many signs of being manipulated that you should be picking up on. please /sobs ;;

Tbf, like, I’m pretty sure that the Holders haven’t been as mentally okay either, which would feed into Izuku’s current mindset.

Now that the setbacks have been listed, let’s dive in to AFO’s plans to toy with Midoriya Izuku.

PHASE 1: Pre-Tartarus Breakout

Speaking of OFA being sus, there’s something that has been niggling at the back of my mind.

All For One basically tells Izuku: “You were my main interest that entire time I was in prison”. So, to pass the time in Tartarus (since he can’t use any(?) of his quirks), AFO has been doing nothing but apparently daydreaming and designing a personal hell for the Ninth Holder during that entire period. HOWEVER, it also made me wonder…

…Even before he’d broken out, had AFO made any moves at all in enacting his plans to break Izuku?

Yeah?

And here’s the kicker: he says that before Blackwhip bursted out.

AFO is a master manipulator. Assuming that Izuku doesn’t have any latent AFO quirk (for whatever reason *coughs* maybe dfo if you're a believer) or that Quirk Singularity has anything to do with it, what is the trigger to Izuku suddenly having access to Blackwhip?

I’d argue that it is All For One himself.

Why? What’s his goal? If you notice during the Joint Training arc, Izuku is feeling pretty confident about his progress. He’s rather happy and feeling blessed, and he is making leaps and bounds with base power OFA.

AFO can’t have that. He can’t allow the Ninth Holder to become too emotionally stable, or else he’d have a stronger will. So by somehow activating Blackwhip, AFO makes Izuku feel like he hasn’t made any progress with his quirk at all. During the evaluations, Izuku mentions that he still needs a lot to work on, and while not all of it is visible, with the way he behaves, it’s pretty evident that his self-confidence has taken a rather large hit.

But, wait! If AFO had tampered with OFA during the JT arc, paving the way to unlocking the rest (like he’d also done during the War arc when he tried to ‘steal’ it then), then wouldn’t AFO be sabotaging himself since he’d be making Izuku a more formidable opponent?

Sure. Except that the quirks inside OFA are mostly useless when it comes to the mental part of the fighting. The only thing they’re useful for is for the current Holder to be able to play keep-away in the physical realm. And AFO could easily just find counters for those through his work on Tomura.

You know how else the situation becomes advantageous for AFO? With every quirk unlocked, Izuku’s goalposts keep on getting away from him, and Izuku will always feel like he isn’t ready or prepared enough. Izuku will push and push himself to master OFA to its fullest, to become more powerful, at the cost of his mental/emotional stability and physical wellbeing as he wears himself down.

And every time Izuku grew more powerful, and became more ‘OP,’ he is burdened with all the aforementioned setbacks that came with it. He could be the most powerful person in the world, but it’s all for naught if he doesn’t take care of himself. This plan is both a high risk and high reward on AFO’s part, and as of the moment, with a bloody Izuku staggering all over, AFO is visibly reaping these high rewards.

PHASE 2: Post-Tartarus Breakout

He’s going to toy with Izuku until Izuku fucking breaks. What follows is his series of actions that instills the desired responses from Midoriya Izuku. Let’s see how the master manipulator plays this game of chess, shall we?

Izuku’s plan: Reach out to villains and try to save them.

AFO’s counter: Kill off those who turn their back against villainy and/or acknowledge Izuku as a true hero.

Izuku’s resulting response: Stop reaching out to villains. Gain an instant victory and move on.

After all, what do you get when you block a hero from showing sympathy? You get an unfeeling living weapon.

---

Izuku’s plan: Work with the top pro heroes to bring down AFO.

AFO’s counter: Make plans that will serve to highlight how the top pros are just slowing Izuku down. (e.g. Making moves while it’s raining, so as to divide them, but also to bring out No. 1 Hero Endeavor’s "slowness" in the rain. Nope, I don’t think that’s a throwaway line at all.)

Izuku’s resulting response: Grows more reckless, often leading the charge.

---

Izuku’s plan: Track AFO down.

AFO’s counter: Lead them to dead-ends. Or when they do supposedly reach something, endanger them.

Izuku’s resulting response: His tunnel vision worsens, as he grows more desperate.

---

Izuku’s plan: All Might following him around is okay since it would help All Might from worrying so much, and Izuku could simultaneously keep an eye on and protect All Might.

AFO’s counters: There are a lot to really fuck with this bond, damn you AFO.

Taint that passing the torch memory of ‘You’re Next.’

Declare that All Might no longer interests him. Liar. He outright stated before that he’s one for keeping a grudge

Send another assassin to Izuku [Underlying Message: You yourself are a walking danger zone to those whom you dearly care for.]

Izuku’s resulting response:

Interpret that memory of ‘You’re Next’ as taking up the position of being AFO’s shiny new plaything, and therefore supposedly sparing All Might from the torment (Unfortunately, making Izuku push AM away is just part of the torment ;A;)

Think that AM is no longer in the direct line of fire as long as AFO focuses on Izuku

Finally, push his last line of morale support away, and completely isolate himself.

Btw, I wonder how All Might feels about Izuku using Nana's quirk to get away from him.

---

The suffering doesn’t end.

Izuku’s plan: Save people.

AFO’s counters: (possibly offscreen) Send more villains and assassins to torment Izuku some more with the knowledge that he can’t save them. Sending villains out also puts innocents in danger.

Izuku’s resulting response: He won’t stop for anything. He won’t sleep, won’t eat, won’t slow down. He will always do his best to save as long as someone is in danger.

His body will keep on moving and moving and MOVING on its own.

--- All For One is very effective as a supervillain. He has managed to make the heroes think that his only goal is to capture Izuku alive for his quirk. He has Izuku right where he wants him: dancing to his tune at the palm of his hand, utterly toyed with, left with no escape in sight.

Psychologically vaulted.

PHASE 3

And so, if Izuku is being manipulated to drive himself further and further into self-destruction, what then is there left for All For One to do?

So much more. Because, my god, I think AFO has mastered the art of traumatizing the OFA Holders.

All For One once told All Might, “I will destroy all that you’ve protected.” And boy, is he delivering. He's definitely not done with AM btw.

First, he destroys All Might's image. And he is manipulating Izuku to drive himself to that point. To looking into his absolute worst.

And when that point arrives, AFO will hammer the final nail home.

Something like...

BEHOLD

JAPAN’S SYMBOL OF PEACE.

And oh, how it'll hurt. To see All Might's pride and joy be flaunted about as looking nothing like a hero to the masses, for him to be so utterly humiliated.

"See what I did to All Might's successor."

AFO will be banking upon the possibility that the angry masses will not want to be saved by whom they're tricked into viewing as someone that's the cause of all the pain. Izuku might have the willpower to stay true to his resolve, but with him on the verge of total breakdown, what would happen when he is shunned by the very people he is trying to help?

I once wrote a post about how the current events seem to be a bastardization of Izuku's wildest fantasies: he's working with the top pros, he has the most powerful quirk, and he's working with All Might (whom technically acts as a sidekick to him rn).

AFO has warped all that into a never-ending nightmare. And Izuku...

Izuku is really in need of saving.

Last thoughts:

Let me just say that it shouldn't be a competition about who gets to get through to Izuku. Right now, he’s gonna need all the help he can get, and it can’t be delivered by only one or two people. Saving Izuku is going to be a team effort, a solid support system that sees Izuku as their classmate/friend/student/actual person that they care about. And there’s sufficient space for that.

More hands reaching out means more chances to catch him if he falls.

#bnha #bnha 317 #bnha manga #bnha analysis #bnha meta #all for one #afo #midoriya izuku #all might #toshinori yagi

757 notes · View notes

fifthmoon0 · 2 years ago

Text

I want to take a moment to talk about why Dabi is the way that he is. I’m not going to go in depth about the correlation between his trauma and his actions. I’m also not going to try to figure out what mental illness / illnesses he may have. But I am going to talk about the trauma itself and how it severely damaged him.

It’s obvious, but the biggest reason he is the way that he is , is due to the trauma he endured growing up. I’ve seen a lot of people online claim that what he’s doing isn’t justified when you compare it to his actual trauma. That’s complete BS. What you endure emotionally / physically as a child can manifest itself in many different ways as you get older and into adulthood. Even the slightest bit of trauma can evolve into something much worse later on in an individuals life. Also, what Endeavor did may seem subtle and not that bad to some people, but it had worse implications than you may think.

You need to think about what Touya went through and put yourself into his shoes. Originally Endeavor thought so highly of him. Touya felt loved, cared for and special. Fast forward just a little into the future and you’ll find that this changes for Touya. Now he was being told that he is actually weak and because of this, he isn’t useful to his father anymore. On top of that, Endeavor straight up started to ignore Touya. He threw him to the side like he was some kind of wasted science experiment and not his child …. Endeavor only cared about him when he was useful to him. At this age, Touya was still developing mentally, so this behavior was detrimental to his mental health. Also, children, especially young children, love and admire their parents with all of their heart which just makes trauma all that much worse… I could tell that Touya really looked up to his dad. Trauma isn’t only an outcome from physical abuse. Emotional neglect , mental abuse and verbal abuse can also be super damaging to the ego and can cause so many negative side effects.

Quick side thought - I find it hard to believe that Touya still cares about his siblings, his father or even his mother in any capacity. And even if he does, I can tell that those feelings are nothing compared to the anger he feels instead. Mentally he isn’t well and and hasn’t been for a long time ... At this point he just cares about hurting and killing his father… 😓

Ok getting back on track. SPOILER ALERT - As a child Touya tried to kill baby Shoto. This is awful and you can’t deny that … However, you have to look at the situation at the point of view of a child. Touya was praised and loved so much but then suddenly tossed aside. Endeavor didn’t just tell him ‘hey we just can’t train anymore’ , he literally just stopped interacting with him in any way :/ At this point in time Touya was a very misunderstood, ignored and unloved child…. Children have a hard time expressing their emotions as it is and they often go to extremes without even fully understanding why. Imagine how much worse they must feel when they are also traumatized! Touya’s father straight up didn’t care about him anymore. I don’t think that he 100% stopped loving Touya, but I’m sure that’s how it felt for Touya. He felt an insane amount of misunderstood jealousy and anger towards Shoto. He probably also thought that ‘if Shoto is gone then dad will love me again’…. Again, he was at an age where his brain was still developing and he was going through emotional neglect. 😓… I do not think that this was in any way a case of Touya being naturally psychotic or anything like that. Not a chance. I think this was a negative set of emotions that stemmed from the trauma and neglect he was going through. Children already don’t completely understand the consequences of their actions or even understand death. And with Touya having having endured trauma so early in his life, his actions were probably more extreme than a usual child’s actions would be. Endeavor didn’t even consider this behavior as a warning sign or a call for help or anything. He did jack shit. That’s fucked up.

This may also be SPOILERS for some, just a warning. It’s also more or less a recap of some things I already mentioned. But basically , in the manga Touya learned that his body can’t withstand his own quirk. Because of this, Endeavor stops training him, which is honestly a good thing…. But as a result of doing that, he also just completely stops being there for Touya. He straight up ignored him and neglected him emotionally without any concern for him. He didn’t even go to check in with Touya. Just zilch. Nada. Nothing at all.

The fact that Touya was told that it was dangerous for him use his quirk no longer mattered to him. What really mattered to him was getting his fathers attention and getting the much needed affection that he was so desperately needing from him. That he used to get from him… Endeavor should have still been there for him, quirk or not. He should have been a loving and caring father no matter what. And he wasn’t. At that time, in Touya’s mind he believes the only thing that will help achieve this and make him feel better is by training himself so he can show his dad that he is actually worthy, even though his body can’t handle it. His flames became too powerful for him and well that’s as far as I’ll go because there’s more spoilers. But I can only imagine that this incident plus the events that took place afterwords only made his mental state that much worse. I can’t even imagine how bad it all must have been for him….

If Endeavor had just been there the whole time for his son & loved him for who he was and not just for his damn quirk, this would have not have ended up happening. For Endeavor it was just a matter of his son supplying him with what he wanted. We saw that with how he treated Shoto too. And he tossed his other children aside as rejects also, which is just so wonderful 🙃…. Touya was a different situation because he was cherished at first and then he was just thrown out like he was nothing. All of these children went through severe trauma but I believe this action towards Touya is particularly damaging. (It’s also interesting with Shoto because he was physically, mentally & verbally abused but also praised for being strong. This was also very damaging, but obviously brought a different outcome with it)

I don’t think Dabi’s actions are right in any way. He has done terrible and unforgivable things and he is not a good person in any way, shape or form. But you have to understand where it all stems from. And I can’t help but feel bad for him. I also really like him. He’s definitely a problematic fave of mine (I really like the other LOV characters too, for both similar and different reasons) To sum everything up, Endeavor was an awful father and husband. He has a huge mess to clean up that was caused by his actions as a father (and inactions) And although I find it hard to like his character, I’m glad that he is actually trying to atone for what he has done. That’s more than what most parents do. But like Dabi said… You reap what you sow…. :/

16 notes · View notes

redphlox · 4 years ago

Text

How Touya can be Saved

I’ve talked before about why I think Shouto will save Touya, and now I want to talk about how. No doubt saving the eldest Todoroki child will be a combined family effort, but I want to specifically talk about Shouto’s role in this because it will be the culmination of his character arc. I also want to tie in how Dabi can make himself seen and understood by crying tears of blood in front of his family. Finally receiving validation after desperately needing it his entire life will be the key to his salvation.

As of chapter 298, Shouto already empathizes with Touya; he feels Touya’s hate and even recognizes Dabi is the person Shouto himself was before the Sports Festival. Shouto is extending his empathy and understanding to his brother the same way he reacted to Iida during the Stain arc in chapter 53, “Todoroki to Iida.”

Having empathy for Dabi’s resentment is only the first step in reaching him, though. That shared rage doesn’t completely validate Dabi’s pain as an abuse victim, which is something Shouto has yet to recognize about himself. Shouto’s anger has always been about how Endeavor abused Rei to the point she had to be institutionalized and not how Endeavor isolated him, physically abused him, and robbed him of his childhood. Shouto probably hadn’t stopped to think about how the other Todorokis perceived their family situation because, like most families in this situation, no one talked about the abuse - Shouto even expresses surprise and agreement in 192 when Natsuo confronts Endeavor with the entire family’s pain. Shouto thinks back to the memory of wanting to play with his siblings and realizes that specific day didn't only stay with him but that his siblings remember it and were impacted by it, too.

Like Natsuo, Dabi knows the root cause of their family’s dysfunction was Endeavor, and while he had a problem with what he perceived as each individual member’s blindness to their abuse, he ultimately doesn’t blame the victims and instead assigns all the blame onto Endeavor. Even 10 years later, he still calls Rei ‘okaasan’, Fuyumi ‘Fuyumi-chan’, and Natsuo ‘Natsu-kun’ because he still cares about them and recognizes all of them as victims of a corrupt hero who never set out to be a husband and a father and only used them.

However, Touya's own victimhood has never been validated - in 301 and 302, it was seen that he was the scapegoat for his family, and no matter how much he tried to earn back his father’s approval or call his father out on his unfair treatment, no one was ever on Touya’s side. His mother told him to look away from his father as an example instead of standing up to Endeavor for herself and her children, and Fuyumi and Natsuo were too young to understand and couldn't relate to what Touya went through as Endeavor's prized heir. Touya needs validation that he was abused and neglected. He always has. He still does.

The person in the perfect position to understand what it’s like to be on the receiving end of Endeavor’s impossibly high standards, obsession with surpassing All Might, and quirk training is Shouto. But in order to fully empathize with Dabi and show his brother that he can relate, Shouto needs to acknowledge that he too was a victim. In 292, Dabi basically asks Shouto to validate the pain and suffering Dabi had just exposed in the battlefield, but his question still stands unanswered.

To reach Touya, Shouto also has to show Dabi what kind of person he is - as in, Shouto has to separate himself from Endeavor’s shadow and establish that he too has been holding Endeavor accountable for his actions. We as readers know that Shouto’s entire character arc has been about asking himself, “Who am I?” Often, children who grow up in abusive households struggle with their identity and Shouto is a perfect example of this. This is why he chose his hero name to be his name: Shouto. He’s learning who he is after years of trying so hard to not be his father and becoming exactly like him - cold, distant, tunnel visioned, hateful. It wasn't until he met Inasa that he realized this and wanted to right his wrongs.

Like Inasa, Dabi doesn’t know Shouto at all. Both Inasa and Dabi knew Endeavor and assumed Shouto would be just like him. Inasa had a valid reason to think this of Shouto of course, because Shouto was standoffish and dismissive during the UA entrance exams, but at the time of the provisional license exam Inasa hadn’t learned that Shouto had recognized this toxic side of himself and had begun working towards the kind of person he wants to be. Shouto had to show Inasa the real him, and in a similar way, he will have to prove this to Dabi. Dabi hasn’t seen Shouto struggle with his identity like we the readers have; Dabi only sees his usurper making headlines and willingly interning with Endeavor. He probably assumes Shouto is proudly training to carry their father’s legacy. Dabi isn’t privy to the nuanced relationship Shouto or their siblings have with their father. All Dabi knows is that Endeavor is seeing and paying attention to Shouto and Shouto seemingly submitting. Dabi has no idea THIS is how it really is:

Showing others who he is is a way for Shouto to process his own trauma and establish his identity. As the son of the #2 hero, Shouto has always had to prove himself to others - that he’s not his father. He’s even had to prove this to himself by accepting his fire side and making it his own in spite of his father repeatedly calling him a creation or a masterpiece. Not being like his father is such a defining trait for Shouto that he feels compelled to tell kindergarteners during the re-licensing exam his life story and his trauma. He literally bore his heart out to these kids because he knew he wouldn’t get through to them unless he was genuine. I think he’ll apply this concept to Touya, too.

The thing about Shouto is that, while he hasn’t reconciled with his own status as an abuse victim, he sees himself as a survivor. He sees himself as someone who managed through a difficult situation and wants to help others get through their struggles too. That's why getting through to these kids was so important to him, why he took it so seriously. These were problematic kids, and instead of calling them brats or trying to intimidate or manipulate them, he tries to get down to their level and relate. Notice he emphasizes how much he struggled in school at first, how his relationship with his father is strained - in his mind, it's something these kids may be able to relate to.

Shouto is someone who sets out to understand and make others feel seen and understood. It's what makes him kind. Shouto probably understands why his father abused the entire family - Endeavor's reasons don't excuse him or earn his children's forgiveness, but it's a reason that humanizes him to Shouto. He himself was a cold, bitter person who now believes people can change if given the right opportunity and self-awareness because this is a lesson he's learned from Midoriya and Inasa. This is also something Shouto can grant Touya: understanding, a listening ear, space to be wrong, and a chance to be seen.

Touya wanted and still craves to be seen, and he has to see in return. He has to realize Shouto isn't his father's puppet. He has to relate to Shouto much like Shouto is relating to him. Shouto will have to pull the same move he pulled on those kindergarteners and tell Dabi his struggles, and then show him he’s making his own path different from their father’s and that the family isn’t blindly following Endeavor anymore or letting him do what he wants. Natsuo has stood up to him, Rei has stood up to him, Fuyumi has admitted to herself she had been trying to play a happy family instead of fixing the internal mess - they as a family will have to show Dabi all of this, and he’ll have to wrap his head around it. He has to realize that his family is different from how they were 10 years ago. This is what I mean by allowing Touya space to be wrong - it’s okay for him to be wrong in assuming all these things about Shouto. Shouto won’t judge him for it.

I've talked before about how the narrative framing as of chapter 309 has set up that a person must express their feelings in a socially acceptable manner before they can be a candidate for saving, and that means crying. As soon as Midoriya saw a glimpse of little Tenko crying, he switched his mentality from "I'll never forgive you" to "I want to save that crying boy." When Toga ran away from Ochako crying, Ochako became concerned and curious. Following this pattern, it makes sense that Dabi also has to show his emotions, but it’s complicated because he can’t cry due to his burnt tear ducts. Every time we’ve seen him cry tears of blood, he’s been alone - he’ll have to cry in front of Shouto and the family for it to sink in that all of Dabi’s destruction and hate stems from deep-seated sorrow and feelings of abandonment. The family does not yet know how the fire that killed Touya started, and they have no idea that Touya’s emotions are linked to his fire and that he died because he was feeling overwhelmingly forsaken and sad. Once they find out, however, they’ll fully understand Touya (hopefully) and recognize they haven’t been understanding him at all. Saving Touya will be difficult because he has to be vulnerable and that's not something he's done as Dabi, but that's where the Todoroki family arc is headed: healing as a family.

As a side note: I’m not saying that the message the manga is giving is the correct one (how you express yourself shouldn’t be a determinant of the help you receive) but it’s what we have to work with. I also think saving Touya will be more complicated than this and will also involve Natsuo, but that’s a meta for another day! ;]

#bnha #dabi #touya todoroki #shouto todoroki #my meta #inasa yoarashi #bnha spoilers #Bnha meta #Mha #mha spoilers

406 notes · View notes

hnnyoongs · 4 years ago

Text

it's no one's fault ... ok maybe afo's

if u hate enji don't read this dont interact with this just block me im not in the mood to deal with haters it's too early for this shit

shouto being so pissed at enji is funny yet sad and ughh got me all emotional cuz enji IS thinking about his family but he's also got the entire country going to shit stuff to figure out it was his problem that he was too into being a hero and not into being part of his family but hopefully the international heroes coming in will give us more enji spending time making things right

OK SO NOW FOR THE ACTUAL DISCOURSE HAHAH

so ik MANY of us blame enji for letting deku go loose INCLUDING THE MAN SHOUTO HIMSELF but what katsuki says next is what we all need to hear something people are overlooking or focussing only on one part

katsuki says it's not enjis fault because he doesn't know deku like katsuki does he says that Deku's gone off the deep end with his self sacrificial tendancies and that all might who has the same flaws enables him

all might and deku are actually pretty private people and the person that knows both of them best is katsuki cuz of the time he spent in the meetings with them AND cuz katsuki grew up with deku watched him not care about getting hurt because he genuinely did not care about himself because all might and deku are similar he also drew the conclusions of all might's character from the deku he has always known

I said this on twitter lemme screenshot it :

while I was kinda yelling my ass off there and yk being rude af like I do when I type before I think I wanna say it again in a more ... normal way that doesn't involve me shitting on people

what katsuki says is that enji couldn't have kept deku safe because he didn't UNDERSTAND deku and he's right the people who understand him the best are all might, who enables him, the vestiges, who are dead, and katsuki, who's here

what I'm trying to add to that is not only do endeavor and the rest of the pro heroes not understand deku but they could have never controlled his hero-complex from going out of control

in the case of canon they let him and all might run free because they trusted his judgement and they thought it was safer to avoid being together so deku didn't get caught by the media which btw while stupid to us the readers is probably the best decision they could have made with the information they had

had they tried to constantly be around deku protect him work with him they wouldn't help things at all because deku doesnt want to be around people he doesn't want to hurt anyone with his presence anymore and the fact he's being sheltered would make him upset because he's the best thing they have

even if they told him from the beginning that deku had to stay in UA and that he shouldn't go out and about deku still would have and nobody could stop him he was never going to stay put he was never going to let himself be safe be around people be cared for because he doesnt care about himself

enji probably could have kept deku from going rouge for a little bit longer and shouto is rightfully upset at him because we all want to think that the number one hero would be able to protect deku especially shouto cuz said hero is his father

but just as katsuki stopped him by putting his hand on his shoulder I'm going to do the same and tell you what katsuki said as well

endeavor could have never kept deku from going off on his own it's not his fault it's not anyones fault maybe it's the vestiges fault for pushing deku maybe it's all might's fault for enabling him it's definitely all for one's fault for the mere fact he exists but no one outside of class 1A would have been able to stop deku because no one but his dearest friends would understand without seeming like they're looking down on him

I feel like im repeating myself over and over and maybe I am I just wanted to say though the fandom and the characters blame enji for not keeping deku safe, I personally believe he just wasn't the person suited for the job. It's not his fault ... ok maybe afo's because everything afo's fault.

if u disagree just dont interact I dont wanna deal with haters

86 notes · View notes

hamliet · 3 years ago

Note

What do you think of Endeavour's character? Writing wise I mean not character wise.

Hoo boy. I think I've said a lot of this before, but I'm currently Feeling It so will take the chance to vent.

It's Not Great. But I'm not gonna get into the Great Retcon Debate or anything like that. Instead, I going to start off by explaining why Enji is compelling as a character.

Endeavor has the distinction of being one of the more interesting characters in the manga at the moment, and this makes him compelling. Why? Because he has internal conflict and stakes (aaand most of the kids don't). He has to choose his family over his hero duties, and Shouto keeps bringing this up, so the stakes and choice are still there at the moment (in a largely conflictless mess of a snoozefest arc).

However, I really, really am starting to worry Enji won't get to make that choice. Why? Because the narrative keeps serving Enji, rather than the other way around. But the narrative not serving him in some ways is precisely the interesting part--Natsuo won't forgive him, etc. So we're invested in the emotional stakes of his choices insofar as his family and being a hero is concerned.

Yet being a hero is somehow no longer seen as an obstruction to Enji being a father. Or at least, it's not framed that way since the reveal. Like, you would think Enji would face more consequences for Touya outing that he was a domestic abuser than just a couple panels of angry people. Now, this isn't me complaining about the character actually; it's me pointing out that this is lazy and boring writing which is creating a massive problem for Horikoshi as he approaches the manga's finale.

You would think the stakes would keep rising, because we should be approaching the story's climax and tensions are supposed to rise to build anticipation. What will the character choose? Will they be able to succeed? Even though we know BNHA is an optimistic superhero manga and therefore the answer is yes, we want to see the characters go plus ultra. We want to see them face insurmountable odds, be on the brink of failure, and press on. I mean, that's what Horikoshi even said his goals for the manga's message are: to keep going in the face of almost certain defeat.

Having Enji face ridicule from hero society would actually be good for creating this tension. On the other hand, you could go with everyone wiping it under the rug (as the manga is), but to balance that, you need to emphasize Enji's growing internal tension. That's not happening. There are some hints here and there from Shouto, but there isn't any focus on it because the current arc is bloated and could have been like five chapters (okay maybe ten). This conflict should be a major hook to keep reading, not an afterthought that pops up every couple of chapters for a panel. If the manga ends up having Enji save Touya with Shouto and end up never having to sacrifice his hero status, never having to choose his son over everything else, that's an absolute waste of what has been set up and of his character as a whole.

I would have said this is not gonna happen earlier, but after this arc, I'm not confident in the manga's storytelling anymore. Don't get me wrong; this isn't intended to be hate to Horikoshi: the man comes across as someone who is actually extremely sensitive and caring, and the poor guy has got to be close to burn out if not getting through on fumes. He should prioritize his own wellbeing above all else, and I'm tremendously grateful to him for gifting us with this story which I love to follow no matter what happens. But I do have my doubts about his editor, whose only major credential that's public has been editing Samurai 8, Kishimoto's first manga after Naruto... which got cancelled early. So. Yeah. That doesn't give me confidence in the editor, the editor's own comments don't give me confidence, and the fact that the manga has taken a noticeable slide in quality that almost perfectly aligns with when he started editing also doesn't give me confidence. This also is not hate on the editor who is probably inexperienced, but his work can be critiqued.

#ask hamliet #bnha salt #bnha #endeavor #todoroki enji #mha

40 notes · View notes

five-rivers · 4 years ago

Text

Questions (Not Answered)

@amabsis MERRY CHRISTMAS FEATURING CRYTIC DANNY AND HIS SPACE FRECKLES (and one other prompt you sent me, but that one’s a mystery).

Bare feet on ice. Breathe, he reminded himself. He was human, for now, and he wasn’t supposed to be here.

Ice. Thin ice.

He was human, for now, but he didn’t have the weight of it.

In slow motion, he saw the much, much heavier man—Boy, really, he hadn’t graduated that long ago—step out on the ice, brow furrowed. A kind of rage lit him up, a paper lantern that burns itself, like the last time Danny had seen him, a frustration born of not being believed and—

The ice gave way.

It took him a moment to remember to fall.

Beeping. White. It took him a moment to remember and remember he had been human. At least then. At least now. Something like a fever danced over his skin. Pinpricks. A heated blanket. Whiteness he has come to associate with a threat.

He—

This is a hospital.

He breathes. He remembers. He wasn’t supposed to be there, but even less is he supposed to be here.

There will be questions.

It isn’t his fault, he reassures himself. No way he could have been anywhere else, done anything else, except by the actions of others. Not with safety. Not with grace. Not with morals.

He can smell the other person in the room. Their sweat. The fabric softener their suit had been laundered in.

“You should be dead,” said the man. Accused the man.

“Well,” croaked Danny, “clearly not.”

“We didn’t pull you out until after Agent W.”

Couldn’t they use the guy’s real name? Agent W. Too many syllables. Too long to say in the heat of battle, or to keep him from running out and nearly drowning in a half-frozen lake.

“You’re not dead until you’re warm and dead,” said Danny. “Heard it in a documentary. Mom and Dad say it’s why you don’t see too many ghosts who died that way. That and the hallucinations.”

His parents don’t think happy people leave ghosts. They’re wrong. In that and many other things.

He does not look at the man. The line on the heart monitor goes up and down, dead steady. He did not think of the ghosts he left behind him. Of the battle and journey that left him on the ice, surrounded by white.

“I think we both know that isn’t true,” said the man with an edge of a growl. His shadow fell on the edge of the bed. “We’ve had our specialists look into you, you know. With your parents’ blessing.”

Blessing. What a strange way to say permission. Danny has received blessings. True blessings. One is not the same as the other. He remembers them, towering, like storm clouds, like mountains, like the forest, like the moon, the sun, the stars. He remembers the lights overhead, circling, and himself, looking up, beneath it all. He remembers the well, the fountain, the door, the path.

He remembers.

And he has none of that right now. No lightning but what he was born with. No ice but what the doctors chased away, if there were doctors, and not simply more men like the one at his bedside. No knife or poison but the words on his tongue. No shield but his disregard.

Human.

Yes.

“We even ran you through some of our pattern recognition programs. Do you know what we found?”

“Enlighten me,” said Danny, dryly. His voice cracked again, painfully.

His effort was rewarded with a finger shoved harshly against his cheek. He winced at the sharpness of the nail and looked directly at the man for the first time since he woke up. He was reflected twice in the man’s sunglasses, and a third time on the warped silver casing of his overlarge earpiece.

“Your freckles,” said the man.

“What, did your program decide I had skin cancer or something? Forgive me if I decide I want a second opinion.”

“Constellations,” hissed the man. “You have constellations in your freckles. The same as the ghost boy.”

Danny endeavored to raise his eyebrows as far as they could go. “I’m pretty sure that whatever Phantom has on his face aren’t freckles. Freckles don’t glow.”

“Don’t play games with me,” said the man. “We aren’t the only ones who’ve noticed. We aren’t the only ones who’ve put two and two together.”

“To me, it sounds like all you’ve done is give a computer pareidolia, but whatever floats your boat.”

“What is your connection to Phantom?”

“You’ve been listening to Wes,” said Danny. If his voice wasn’t wrecked, his words would have been dripping with disdain thick enough to drown the man. Twice.

“Agent W is not the only one to make note of your behavior,” said the man. “Paulina Sanchez, for example.”

“Paulina,” repeated Danny. “You mean the girl who has used every available opportunity to tear me down and mock me since I asked her out in freshman year? You think she wouldn’t lie to your clown squad?”

“Excuse me?”

“That’s what everyone calls you,” said Danny. “Also, you shouldn’t be interrogating a minor without their guardian present.”

“How convenient, that you know that. Reading up on the legal system?”

“My sister had a Law and Order phase. Speaking of, I want a lawyer.”

“You aren’t under arrest,” clearly disgusted.

“Great. So, can you tell the doctor I’m awake? Thanks.”

“We aren’t done here.”

“I am,” said Danny. He closed his eyes. “If you don’t tell the doctor I’m awake, I might as well go back to sleep.” He faked a yawn. Then yawned for real because yawns were like that.

Then the GIW representative shook him by the shoulders.

He shouldn’t have done that. For a number of reasons. Not the least of which being that if Danny was connected to ghostly happenings, he could most likely kill the man with his bare hands.

This is not what occurred.

Monitors need leads, need sensors. Disconnected, they scream. Much like anything else.

In a hospital, such screaming attracts doctors.

How nice to know that they were in a hospital.

Snow underfoot. Booted foot, incidentally. His parents had brought his boots when they came to pick him up, along with other winter clothes. The snow crunched and squeaked, declining to melt when he stepped on it. Which. Rude.

The trip to the car was silent and sulky. Or possibly accusatory. Or morose. The nuances of the emotions escaped him.

“Danny,” said his mother. “Why were you out on the lake last night?”

Danny had been dreading this. Anticipating it as one would the end of a fall. Except he hadn’t hit the ground yet, only the branch of a tree that had the misfortune to get in the way.

He didn’t have a good answer.

“There was something I had to do,” said Danny. Which was both true and vague.

“In your pajamas?”

Danny winced. That hadn’t been his fault.

“We don’t know why you keep sneaking out,” said his father. “But it has to stop. You can’t do this anymore, Danny-boy. Especially not if it’s going to end up with you in the hospital.”

“That wasn’t my fault,” protested Danny. “It isn’t like I lured Wes out. He went out all by himself!”

“Danny,” said his mother. “You almost died. And now the GIW is telling us that your freckles are in the same pattern as Phantom’s ecto-luminescence!” She visibly worried at her lower lip. “What happened?”

“And what did you go out for?” added his father.

Danny shrugged.

“Were you trying to help Phantom?”

“No,” said Danny.

“We know how you and Jazz feel about him, but, Danny, this is dangerous. That ghost is dangerous.”

Danny looked away.

“You’re grounded,” said his mother.

Danny whipped around to face her again. “What!”

“What else can we do?” asked his mother. “What else do you expect us to do? You won’t tell us anything!”

“It was just—” spluttered Danny. He pressed his lips together, considering. “I did not go out to meet Phantom,” he said. Again, it was true. “I went out because one of my classmates said they were being haunted, and I wanted to help.” Also true.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” asked his father. “It’s our job to deal with ghosts.”

“Yes,” said his mother. “In fact, I thought you wanted nothing to do with ghosts.”

“I don’t know,” said Danny. “Sometimes—” He winced, knowing what he was about to say would hurt. “You aren’t very good at catching ghosts. And the part I want to have nothing to do with is the one where you cut ghosts up into pieces.” He paused. “And I don’t know what happened after I got there.” He did not specify where there was. “I think the GIW had some kind of weapon? I didn’t expect them there. Anyway, there was a bright light, and the next thing I know, I’m out on the water.”

Alright. He was leaving a bunch out, but the rest was still true.

“You’re still grounded.”

He felt heavy. Whatever had kept him from making footprints on the ice had left him entirely. Or reversed itself. Either way, stairs, such as the ones he had to climb to reach his room, felt like an imposition. Nonetheless, he persevered.

Right up until he collapsed on his bed, overcome with the unfairness of it all.

“Hey,” whispered the monster that had taken up residence underneath his bed. “Can I come out, now?”

“You’re clear,” mumbled Danny.

The monster, Phantom, phased up through the bed to lie on it next to Danny.

“Where did they even get the Ghost Catcher?” he asked, aggrieved.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out!” replied Danny. “It doesn’t make any sense, and I can’t very well ask Mom and Dad about it.”

“Ugh. We’re grounded, aren’t we?”

“I am. You aren’t.” Danny pulled a face he hoped his other half would recognize from the outside. “Be careful, though. Your escape route is gone.”

“I will. You need to find out how to get us back together.”

“I will,” said Danny. “By the way, just after it happened, I think I still had access to some ghost powers. I think I’m still a little, you know. Not quite right. It might be the other way around for you.”

“I’ll try and keep an eye on that,” said Phantom. “It might be important.”

“Yeah,” agreed Danny. “You should go, for now. I’m pretty sure Mom and Dad are going to be checking on me all night, and if they see you…”

“Yeah. I get it.”

“Sorry.”

Phantom bumped his head lightly against Danny’s. “Nothing to be sorry about. We both know what they’re like. I’m going to patrol a bit, then I’ll probably go over to Sam or Tucker’s. In case you need me.”

“Sounds good,” said Danny. “I’ll just… stay here. Try to make the Ghost Catcher from scratch.”

“We have homework, too, while you’re at it,” said Phantom, halfway through the wall.

Danny groaned and rolled over. He would have to be careful about getting into the lab while he was grounded, and his parents were on high alert. Perhaps he could convince his sister to cause a distraction?

#danny phantom #christmas truce #christmas truce 2020 #fanfiction #phanfic #hope I'm doing this at the right time (:

134 notes · View notes

problemswithbooks · 3 years ago

Note

Please, I saw a “meta” that nobody cares about endeavor’s well being and that his entire family is just using him to get back touya. That and he has no true friends. It’s always the lov stans too.

I'm not really surprised that people think that, honestly.

Enji is unfortunately sort of the Umbridge of bnha in a way. In Harry Potter (as loathe as I am to mention it), no one liked Umbridge. She was universally hated, even when Voldemort wasn't. The reason is that most people know someone like Umbridge. Abusive, power hungry teacher's who seem to enjoy punishing the kids under there care isn't that rare. People could see their tormentor in her and understood exactly how the main characters felt while they were under her thumb.

Enji's the same. Not a lot of people in the bnha fanbase have lived through what the civilians or the kids are in the story. A lot of people haven't met serial killers in RL or thankfully lived through the terror of facing one whose trying to kill you. There's this degree of separation between what the LoV does to the populace and the kids.

But, sadly, abuse, particularly parental abuse isn't rare. A lot more readers understand exactly how Shoto and his siblings must feel--how Rei must feel. This makes it easy to fill in the blanks Hori left in their stories to be filled by those readers' experiences which could be, tragically, even worse then what Hori intended. Enji becomes the stand in for their abusive ex, or parent, or coworker.

So, yeah, of course they want the Todofam to react the same way they would--which would be to cut him out of their lives and spit on his grave. To use him for their own desire to have Touya back and nothing more.

It's why some fans really disliked Fuyumi because people saw her as to forgiving and caring to much about Enji despite what he did. It's not unless people can interpret her as not having forgiven him, or secretly playing along with his atonement to kill him or give info to Touya that they seem willing to enjoy her character.

The thing is this opinion does gloss over other people's experiences and make abusive situations far more simple then they really are. Forgiveness isn't a get out of jail free card, or even "I'll forget and immediately stop having emotions about the past stuff you did to me", thing that so many seem to think it is. Nor is not forgiving someone necessarily mean they hate that person. Emotions and feelings are really complex and everyone's different.

I think it can be comforting to some people to imagine that Enji isn't liked by anyone. A way to have him punished and be hurt in retaliation for what he's done. But I wouldn't say that's true in the story.

Even if we say his family does all hate him and only want Touya back (which I don't really believe), he is still very much friends with Hawks. Even if, after Touya is home his family cuts ties with him, Enji will still have Hawks' company. He'll still probably be visited by some of his side kicks like Burnin'. Beast Jeanist would still come around and check on him. So would All Might. Izuku and Bakugou might still ask for advice on Hero work sometimes.

And the thing is despite the awful things he did Enji still deserves to have a decent life. A lot of people talk about how restorative justice is better then punishment, and how the LoV should get to be happy too despite what they did--but that should apply to everyone, even people who you don't like. If you say no one should suffer, then no one should suffer, not even the former abuser. Enji's not entitled to his family, but it's more then fair for him to make a new life without them and have happy moments if they don't want him around. It's not the worlds responsibility to shun him forever in order to punish him. As long as he's not abusing people anymore it's not a moral failing of the other characters to be friends with him.

#well he's an abuser so he should die/not be treated humanely #ask #thanks for the ask!! :)#Endeavor #Enji Todoroki #bnha #people seem really into restorative justice and not putting people in prison #until it's someone who did a thing they consider unforgivable #which shockingly is why punishments like prison are so popular #if you think prisons are bad and inhumane #that the death penalty is wrong #then you can't turn around and say and still say you're for reform #because fair treatment has to be for everyone--otherwise it's the same oppressive system as before

7 notes · View notes

drazzilder · 3 years ago

Text

A Winter’s Flight

By Drazzzilder

Chapter 8: Snow

Winter has taken over Japan this year. Almost the whole country is covered in a fresh blanket of white powder. Shoto and Natsuo are home for winter break and Fuyumi is visiting as well. You and Enji took the initiative to plan a vacation at a ski resort for the whole family, even managing to convince Enji to let Keigo come as well. You could practically hear Keigo yelling in excitement when you texted him the news.

E: “Is everyone ready? We need to leave soon so we don’t miss the Shinkansen.” He yells from the first floor.

F: “Almost! I’m just closing my suit case now!”

N: Coming down the stairs followed by Shoto “I don’t know what’s the big rush, we can just teleport there if we miss the train.”

S: “We used his powers before.”

Z: “You can’t rely on us for everything. You need to learn how to time manage.”

K: “I might be a mess according to your father but at least I’m on time. You all have been spoiled by Hellboy’s quirk.”

(Y/N): “I know I spoil them; I can’t help it. But we really need to leaving soon.”

F: “Coming!” She says running down the stairs. She trips over her feet and is about to tumble down but a few feathers quickly catch her and her suitcase.

K: “Careful!” He slowly lowers her back to the ground. He looks at her face which is flush with embarrassment.

F: “Thank you. I was in a rush and I guess I tripped over myself.”

Z: “Please be careful, we don’t want you to get hurt before you even get to the resort.”

E: “Now that everyone is ready, let’s go.”

You all leave the house and manage to just make the train. You and Enji are sitting right next to each other while Zaheer is facing you both, taking up 2 seats. Shoto and Natsuo are sitting next to each-other on the other side of the train while Fuyumi and Keigo are sitting behind them. You put Enji near the window to prevent him from turning back to look at the two constantly.

F: “I’m really excited you are coming with us.”

K: “I am too! I don’t know how (Y/N) managed to convince your father to let me come. He must have used some of that demonic power on him.”

F: “No need. My father loves him so much that if (Y/N) ask for something, he would make it happen no matter what.”

K: “I think it’s strange seeing him in love. I mean, look at them up there.” At this point Keigo is looking and you and Enji. Enji has wrapped his arm around you while you hold his other hand in his lap. Your free hand is holding your phone, watching a video together. “It’s kind of adorable when you see it. Such a large, imposing man absolutely in love with someone. It is nice to see him happy. When I was a kid, he was just grumpy looking all the time.”

F: “He has a tendency to be private about his personal life. They are definitely more open about their relationship now but for a while it was hidden. He was afraid of what the public would think; being married to a woman then a man. But, I am happy (Y/N) came into our life. Without him, my father might not be here.”

K: “What do you mean?”

F: “All that stuff I told you, he regretted it so much it was eating him alive. (Y/N) was there to help him process it. It was strange seeing him with a man at first but after a while we saw what he was doing for dad, we know why they fell in love. Now I can’t imagine the two not together.”

K: “I’m glad to hear everything worked out. I did want to know, what is it like living with a demon?”

F: “Hmmm, other than he looks different, Zaheer acts just like us. He is just another member of the family.”

K: “That’s boring…” he pouts. “Wait, I just realized. He has a wedding ring on too?”

F: “Technically only Dad and (Y/N) are married but my father gave Zaheer a ring as a symbolic gesture. He does live inside of (Y/N) after all.”

K: “Awww, does he like Endeavor too?”

F: “Yes. It might be strange, but this is our family.”

K: “Anything else about the big guy?”

F: “He does break things but that’s just because he is so big. He is really fun when you get to know him. Even Natsuo likes him, which I can’t say about a lot of people.”

K: “Kinda wanna see him at home being all silly. I only see him when he is being a hero.”

F: “You will probably see that on this trip. Why are you so interested in Zaheer?”

K: “I just think it’s strange that a demon acts like he does.”

F: “He loves (Y/N) and Enji so much, he would never hurt them.”

K: “Eh… I guess that makes sense.”

F: “That doesn’t mean he won’t come after you if you make him mad. He is quite a force to reckoned with.”

~Meanwhile~

(Y/N): “Don’t worry so much. They are fine.”

E: “I can’t believe I said yes to him coming.” He gruffs.

Z: “I can. You always say yes to (Y/N).”

E: “I know… I can’t help it.”

(Y/N): “I didn’t ask him to come just for Fuyumi. I wanted Keigo and you to try to get along.”

E: “What?!” His glasses begin to fog.

Z: “Calm down. We don’t want the whole train to hear you.”

(Y/N): “You don’t have to hang out but just see what he does for her. Maybe you can see why she likes him. Come on, give him a chance. For me?” You bat your eyes at him, all goofy like.

E: “Fine…. But only for you.” He kisses you on the lips.

It isn’t long till everyone arrives at the ski resort. It is high in the mountains, fresh snow everywhere. Everyone wastes no time getting onto the slopes. Shoto and Natsuo had no problem getting up the mountain but down was another story for Natsuo where Shoto was a natural at the snowboard. Zaheer had the hardest time trying to find equipment to rend but they eventually found something that fits his size, hopefully he doesn’t break the skis. You and Enji just skied down some smaller slopes, keeping things calm. You had to, on more than one occasion, remind Enji not to use his fire on the mountain. Keigo and Fuyumi went all the way to the top to try the black diamond slope. She was a little afraid but Keigo wasn’t. The fresh powder made for a great ski down the mountain. She did fall twice but he was there to help her up. Everyone met for lunch in the cabin Enji rented. Afterwards, they went back to the mountain again.

F: “I’m having a lot of fun, Keigo. I never have skied before.”

K: “You’re a natural! I knew it would be a good time with you.”

F: “Maybe my dad will lighten up seeing how much fun we are having together.”

K: “Eh… we can hope. Come on, we got time for one more run, want to try the triple black diamond?”

F: “I don’t know….”

K: Opening his wings “Don’t worry, I got you.”

F: “Alright. Why not.”

Once at the top, the two stand looking down the intense slope. Fuyumi is having second thoughts but Keigo holds her hand to help her. They slowly start moving forward and let gravity take them down the mountain. The two are going down at a good pace when something seems off. There is a rumbling coming from behind them. It is an avalanche! The snow is approaching so fast the two don’t have any time to react other than Keigo flying to Fuyumi and wrapping his wings around the two. The two are engulf in a mountain of snow as they tumble down the slope. Keigo is ok but Fuyumi starts to feel a little sick from all of the tumbling and falling they are doing in the snow. Soon there is no sign of light anymore as the they fall deeper into the powder. Almost as fast as the snow started moving, it stopped and everything is silent and dark.

K: “Are you ok?”

F: “I think I’m ok. How are we going to get out of here?”

K: “My feathers should do the trick…” He tries to move but is completely still. The snow has compacted so tightly around the two that he can’t even move his feathers. “Um… I guess we are stuck. Any ideas?”

F: “I have one…. Zaheer, can you hear me? Please? We are trapped.”

K: “What? He can’t hear you?”

F: “Remember, we are marked. Maybe he can sense something is wrong.”

In the cold silence, the two wait. They are scared but at least they have each other for comfort. Not much time passes and they start to hear rumbling again. This time, it is coming from right above them as they hear what sounds like digging and yelling. Soon, the darkness is broken with a bright light. A large red hand reaches for the two and pulls them out.

Z: Pulling the both of them close to warm them: “Are you ok!?”

F: “A little shaken up but we are fine.”

K: “Wait, how did you know we were here?”

F: “Like I said, we are marked, he can find us anywhere.”

Z: Now fully hugging the both tight while crying “When I sensed you under the snow, I panicked. I was afraid I wasn’t going to make it in time. Please don’t do that again. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t make it in time. I know I might not be your parent but I care for you too, Fuyumi.”

K: “Calm down big guy, we are ok. I managed to protect us with my wings. I think we are done with skiing today.”

F: “Yeah. Do you mind teleporting us back to the cabin?”

Z: “Not at all. You know I am going to have to tell your fathers about this, right?” He says after he manages to calm down.

F: “I know, just try to ease it on them.”

E: “YOU WERE IN AN AVALACHE?!” Enji is practically about to break Fuyuimi in half with how tight he is hugging her.

(Y/N): “Normally I would say Enji is overreacting but this is serious. You could have died!”

K: “I was there. I used my wings to protect us.”

E: He releases Fuyumi from his titan grip and starts hugging Keigo “Thank you, thank you for protecting her.”

N: “Wow! Dad, are you ok? This is a little out of the norm with for you.”

(Y/N): “He is still processing the car accident and this isn’t helping. His emotions are raw right now, give him some time. Also thank you Zaheer for rescuing them.”

Z: “Of course.”

E: Regaining his composer “Yes. Thank you Zaheer. I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to get that emotional.”

F: “Its ok, we understand. Hearing that news would be jarring for any parent.”

(Y/N): “Why don’t we all relax in the hot tub for the evening.”

K: “Sounds good to me.”

The rest of the trip is much more relaxing. No one went down the mountain the rest of the trip out of fear for how Enji might react. They relaxing in the cabin, went to the spa, and even had karaoke night. The children didn’t know who was funnier to watch singing, Keigo or Zaheer. At the end of the week, everyone was ready to go back home. The train ride home was quiet and Keigo finally left to go home himself.

Next Chapter

14 notes · View notes

mimik-u · 4 years ago

Text

“Homeworld Bound” Thoughts:

I wasn’t going to watch this one today, but then I realized that I really missed the Diamonds and wanted to consume novel content, so!

OOH, good on the show for taking us directly to the aftermath of “Fragments” instead of putting space between the episodes. That’s just... a really good choice narrative wise.

Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl’s expressions are so distressing here. He’s been gone for three days; they must’ve been so worried.

Jasper steps aside to reveal an absolutely ruined Steven.

He just technically killed a gem and then resurrected her. How intensely will that forever lie on his psyche? Oh my g od

NO, NOT JASPER PASSIVELY MAKING THE DIAMOND SIGN IN THE BACKGROUND AUGH

“You can’t just disappear for days without telling us!”

Steven silent walking up to the Observatory as the Gems continue to freak the fuck out is harrowing. And Dee Dee Magno Hall is killing it with her voice acting here. The simultaneous fear and anger and horror in her voice. Oh my g d

“You guys... I love you, but you can’t help me anymore. I’ve been avoiding the only people in the entire universe who can.” 🥺 This is sad, but I’m also, like, problematic grandmas time!!!!!

“Find something better to do with your life.” God, Jasper’s look of disbelief and sadness here. I didn’t really delve into this during my “Fragments” watch because I was just roridoodwrjfkrkeke reeling, but her reaction to being accidentally shattered is psychologically devastating???? I’d wager that she simultaneously respects the fact that she’s been subjugated by a being more powerful than her, that she’s grateful to Steven for being both subjugator and savior, and likely, she’s conflating this new loyalty with her former loyalty for Pink. This is a really complex psyche (a tragic one most of all).

Garnet: “Steven, remember, we’ll always be your family.” I’m so fucki n emo

AWHWHWH, HOMEWORLD IS SO BRIGHT AND COLORFUL NOW!!!

YO!! Homeworld has a democracy now!! The Zircons!!!!!!!

THE WALL GEM IS MOVING??????? KWOEOEIDJDKSJS

Can u imagine being a wall cursed with sentience. that is so funny on so many levels

But it’s also really interesting, too. If the Wall Gem is a gem in the way say Topazes are gems, which, judging by her mobility, she is—then her explicit purpose in Era 1-2, as molded by presumably Yellow, was to b a wall omg. (Or, arguably, I think it can be argued that the inanimate object Gems, like Comby, were probably accidental sentient creations, made in relationship to their proximity to the Diamonds during their various secretion rituals!!)

Anyway, I love thinking about Homeworld worldbuilding. It’s fascinating.

SQUARE PERIDOT

SPIIIIIINELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Her heart eyes!! She looks so happy!

Steven, angry af: “Spinel, what is wrong with you?” / Spinel: Oh, you know—the usual.” KEKDSKDK

Also, Steven really wanted to say fuck there. NEKDDKKSSKKS

“I was such a wreck then, but I am so much better now.” We stan character growth 😭😭

One thing I have loved the Crewniverse so much for doing is never taking away the physical signs of gems’ mental distress, even after they’ve gotten better: Blue’s eye bags, Volleyball’s eye, Spinel’s running mascara. That is so important.

YELLOW SITTING AT HER LIL VANITY!!

IT’S LIGHT INSIDE HER ROOM! THERE R FLOWERS! THRIVE, QUEEN, THRIVE.

YELLOW REVERSING HER GEM EXPERIMENTS OH MY G D

FUCKING QUEEN!!!!!!

(I’m sorry in advance. The rest of the live blog is just going to be screaming about the Diamonds.)

“I can permanently alter any physical form!” She’s so proud of herself. 😭😭😭 I fuckin’ love her.

Yellow laying down on the ground like that is SENDING ME SKSKSJSJ.

Ugh, and her being such a good mom to Spinel. I’m cry in f

“If anything’s out of proportion, it’s your temper. You can be big if you want to, or you can be small if you want to, but if you’re going to be upset no matter what, then this problem isn’t physical—it’s emotional. Go see Blue.”

I really like her advice here because it’s advice that comments so clearly on her own character arc. At her lowest, she was quick to anger, aggressive, and temperamental, which she diagnoses in Steven here. Additionally, she was the Diamond who was concerned largely with physical actions. She coped by maintaining the Empire through conquering planets and maintaining the minutiae of leadership; she thought the only way to receive justice for Pink was through the physical act of destruction. And in doing so, she pushed her own emotions deep, deep down until they manifested in anger, aggressiveness, and temperamental outbursts. This hurt the people she cared about, and it hurt herself most of all.

Also, “Go see Blue. That is her department.” Ejdoiddjdjjsjdjdks, “go see ur other grandma.”

BLUE FLOATING ON A CLOUD!!!!!

“Your powers have been causing you dramatic mood swings? That seems awfully troubling Steven.” God I love her

“You don’t seem troubled.” This is a really interesting line because it comments on how Blue’s emotions, especially her negatively charged ones, used to be so visible all over her; indeed, she both wittingly and actively used to project them on other Gems, forcing them to feel her suffering, too.

OH, SHE GOES ON TO SAY THE EXACT SAME THING EOEODODISSJJS. LISTEN, I REALLY VIBE WITH BLUE.

“Back before you came into my life, Steven, I wanted every one to feel the pain I felt. I realized I must make up for my awful behavior by bringing joy to others.”

Another thing I’ve appreciated about the writing in this episode: So far, both Blue and Yellow have used the adjective awful to describe their former actions. It’s the self-awareness and the refusal to try to excuse themselves that powerfully shows how much they’ve grown. And it’s their continuous endeavors to keep moving forward, to help the Gems that they’ve hurt, that indicates that they’re willing to constantly keep growing and atoning.

NFOFOFDKSSKSKSK, THESE CLOUDS ARE JUST HER VAPORIZED TEARS HELP.

Sick vape clouds, Blue

I’VE HEARD THE SONG BEFORE, BUT EVERY TIME SHE SINGS, I LOSE MY SHI T

LISA HANNNNIGAAAAAAAN

This is such a pretty line: “Cold palace walls, and endless empty halls, haunted by echoes of laughter.”

BLUE ASCENDING THROUGH THE CLOUDS AUSHAHHSHD

BLUE MAKING HEART CLOUDS FOR SPINEL!!

BLUE CALLING SPINEL N STEVEN HER LITTLE REASONS WHY.

“I’LL NEVER MAKE YOU CRY.” This line is particularly lovely because I think it plays well with Steven’s line to her in “CYM:” “How many times did you make her cry?”

BDJDJDJSJDJ, BLUE LAYING ON HER CLOUD LIKE YELLOW LAID ON THE FLOOR.

The way she sings the last “loving you.” 😭😭😭😭 I’m gonna weep. I love her so fucking much.

“I found happiness. If that's not something you think you deserve, then I suspect this is an issue of self worth. I suggest you go to White for assistance with such matters.” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 And like Yellow did, Blue gets to the heart of her arc cleanly.

Before Steven and before her own emotional reckoning, she didn’t think it was her place to be happy: “I know my purpose isn’t to be happy.” But in learning to love others, Blue has found true, inner happiness, which she literally shares with others. Wow.

And I think there’s something powerful in her distinction between true happiness and self-worth. You can’t find one without espousing the other.

White’s room is so pretty. 🥺

THE FLASHING STROBE LIGJTS DDNJDFJDJDNF.

SPINEL WHITE DIAMOND?!/!:$;8;83&:&:

SHE FUCKING LETS OTHER GEMS CONTROL HE R HELP.

SPINEL MAKING WHITE TAP DANCE FICODODOFODJDNDJSJDJDJJDDJDJ

Steven’s horrified expression omg

“I’m scared I’m gonna hurt people; I guess I already have.” God.

And that’s another thing that this episode has called to mind. Blue, Yellow, and White alike once used their insane powers to hurt other Gems and to hurt themselves, and here, throughout this series, we see Steven discovering that same capacity for destruction and self-destruction. Along with the systematic oppressions they facilitated, a big part of the Diamonds’ modus operandi was that their powers were directly correlated to their mental states and their various inabilities to confront their own selves and effect inner change. The corrective wasn’t necessarily Steven; the corrective was him helping them to do that initial act of introspection and looking inwards. And so, too, will Steven have to do the same by the end of this series. But I presume that his family, all the people and gems who have loved and cared for him, will in effect be his Steven, just as he has always been for them.

“Half a Diamond, half a creature of Earth—in all the universe there's no one else that could know what you’re going through, so maybe it's time you talked to yourself.” This is so viscerally sad. White hits the nail on the head here. Steven’s human friends/family and his gem family and even the Diamonds, who come the closest to matching his own strength, can never fully understand him. It’s the tension that underscores a lot, if not the entire show.

White briefly touches Steven with her nail, and you can viscerally see the trauma on his face; he hasn’t forgotten her act above all, wrenching his gem out, nearly killing him.

“I’m... I’m a Diamond.” Steven, in looking at White Diamond, realizes that she’s a mirror of himself. Holy fucking shit

“I don’t want to be you! I don’t want to be anything like you!” HOLY FUCKING SHIT

“Don’t hurt me! She can’t hurt me! I’m controlling her...” And here, Steven doesn’t light upon the essential thing... in making White punch the wall, nearly knocking a huge rock into him, he’s the one hurting himself.

This show, oh my g o d

“She’s the one who should be afraid.” STEVEN?!!!!????!??!

“No, stop it! I don’t like this!” / “Please, you’re scaring me.” OH MY GO D

HE FUCKING MADE HER SLAM HER GEM AGAINST A PILLAR HOLY HE LL

“What... what was that?” Christine’s delivery here. Holy shit. 😭😭 And both of them are surrounded in the carnage of Steven’s wrath. Holy fucking shit.

This act is fundamentally different than him accidentally shattering Jasper in “Fragments”; this was an intentional attempt to hurt White, to crack her, to break her. Holy fucking shit

Spinel, Blue, and Yellow waiting for Steven outside of White’s door has my heart a little and a lot tender 🥺🥺🥺🥺

SPINEL SINGING I CAN MAKE A CHANGE SO DRAMATICALLY DJDIDJDJDJDJD. (But yeah, lmao, this will absolutely be the conclusion of Steven’s arc at the end of Future.)

“Steven! Let us help you, Steven!” The Diamonds are so concerned (mirroring the Gems back at home, too). 😭😭

He leaves a flip flop behind like Cinderella lmao

“Steven, let us help you!” / “We’re your family!” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

And just as he implored the CGs, he tells the Diamonds not to follow him either.

Steven is completely and utterly alone.

Not by necessity.

But God, by choice.

Okay, this is my new favorite Future episode.

#blue diamond #white diamond #yellow diamond #steven universe #spinel #s: future #mimiku #DIEOEODJDDNSNSJJD #this episode really did it for me

61 notes · View notes

shozaii · 5 years ago

Note

Hey can I request something with todoroki where his s/o break up with him cus endeavour makes them and when shoto finds out he goes mental at his dad then goes to get his s/o back thank you sorry for bad grsmmer I’m not English ❤️

(a/n): hello! this took me a while and for that, i apologise :( i hope this is a good read! i also wrote something similar to this, and you can read it here.

requests are still open!

masterlist

^^^

always.

todoroki shouto x reader

warnings: angst!

ps: this setting is probably around 3-4 years of them dating, so that the legit emotion would kick in :P

---------------------------

your heart couldn’t take any more than this.

regret, pain, anguish. you felt weak to the bone. you didn’t want to get up anymore. you wanted to stay on the ground.

no one was going to lift you up anyway, right?

“shouto would never say that! i-i’ll only believe it when i see him!”

“and how exactly can you prove that he hasn’t done so?” endeavor boomed, his tall figure’s shadow looming over you. “even it was not, i would never hand him off to someone like you.”

“he doesn’t take orders from you, endeavor,” you growled underneath your breath. “i can’t believe i’m saying this to you but-,” you paused, slowly looking up to his face. ”todoroki shouto is not your carbon copy. he is a free bird, living to be the hero he has always wanted to be.”

his eyes were glowing with every ounce of hatred towards you. you were right. shouto had his decisions. he knew what he was up to. you even asked him about your dad and he said;

“my father has and never will have anything to do with you, love.”

so why this? why has endeavor made his way to you, claiming that his son doesn’t want you anymore?

when shouto could have done so?

...but then again, what if these were his decisions?

“what... what did you do with shouto?”

“he has requested me to be here, to tell you about this matter. you can run along now. i have even picked the one for him to marry in the future. which, of course does not involve you.”

you could feel your heart sinking slowly the chamber you grew away from.

“i want to see him.”

“no! you are not allowed to step foot into the todoroki household anymore! now leave before it has to turn ugly.”

that felt like your very last straw. you wanted to run away, you wanted to scream. you wanted to do so many things.

you wanted shouto.

taking the hint that you had already understood, he walked away from you, never once looking back. why should he care, anyway? why did it have to matter to him?

why did this have to happen when shouto was far away from you? he promised he was going to return to your arms. did he plan all of this earlier? was he really done with you? did nothing else about you mattered to him anymore?

“shouto,” you said shakily. “at least tell me what i did.”

hands on your head, you sobbed. once again, your body brought you down to the grass. you heard someone shouting from the back; but it didn’t matter.

nothing mattered.

^^^

when you woke up, your eyes opened to the familiar ceiling.

the common room.

“they’re up!” you heard someone whisper-shout.

were you out for that long? what happened?

“y/n!” a girl’s voice called out to you softly.

“give them some space to breathe!” someone was chopping the air with their hands.

your eyes were wide open. you jolted up, taking a good look at the faces who were around you. “guys? what am i doing here?”

“you were with endeavor. d-don’t you remember, y/n?” midoriya asked.

“endeav-,”

the memories filled your head, one by one. the confrontation. the ground. his glowing blue eyes. the hatred.

the tears.

the unofficial break up.

moments later, tears flood your eyes once more, pouring out without a warning. here you were, thinking it was a nightmare. maybe when you woke up from it, shouto would be in your arms, calming you down. telling you that you had nothing to worry about. and then you would fill him in with kisses, he’d giggle and hold you closer.

“where is shouto?” you trembled.

“y/n, he...,” the green haired boy began. he hesitated. what was going on? why were you crying? why did you faint? so many questions ran in his head but he had to continue anyway.

“he went out of town, remember? and today endeavor came here to talk to you. in private.”

“i don’t think he would be coming back to me, though.”

“what?!” your friends around you screamed.

“he broke up with me.”

^^^

most of class 1-A have already completed their internship in various cities, including you.

everyone, except for shouto. it was a day later than most of his classmates. he went along with it - but without you, it was painful.

he couldn’t call nor text you during the internship. those were the few things he had told his s/o before leaving. you understood because the whole class had to comply with that, too. no one was allowed to contact anyone else, either.

with you promising that you’d wait, he smiled. he was glad to have someone as understanding as you.

which was why he couldn’t wait until he had met you.

the train ride back to his home was a blur. he was exhausted from the extensive work he was given. it was part of his father’s agency, anyway.

expected? maybe.

he checked the time.

it was already 12 a.m.. assuming you were asleep, he had to resist the urge to call you. what’s worse was that he only got to see you in the evening. he had a few errands to run at his home before heading to the dorms.

in less than 30 minutes, he had reached his destination. he grabbed his bag and left the train. a few more minutes and he would be lying in bed, satisfied.

not as satisfied if the first person he saw was his father.

but whatever he was never desiring seemed to come along his way. there he was, at home. his siblings were long asleep, he reckoned. “i’m home,” he mumbled, earning a hum from him.

as he entered the room, he was bewildered.

natsuo and fuyumi were right in front of him. fuyumi placed a finger on her lips; telling him to be quiet, while natsuo signaled him to close the door behind him.

“it’s about y/n. we got a call from your friend, midoriya.”

his eyes widened, slamming the door. “what happened?”

^^^

shouto felt as if ten thousand icicles had stabbed through his chest.

he swung the door open. “you could’ve done anything else and you have even decided to interfere what i love most?!” he growled, palm starting a low flame.

“who? them? are you serious?! their quirk matches terribly with yours and i don’t see any compatibility between you two!”

“how- what kind of a sick person are you?! obsessed with power, fame, strength. have you ever focused on your loved ones?”

“you don’t have to remind me of the past. i don’t want you to fall in love and leave your hard work behind.”

“i think the real person leaving their work here was you. you, endeavour, have made a decision to say things that i would never say to them. to think that i would let you face them without any warning. stupid. i’m such an idiot. to allow myself to talk about them in front of you.”

“your relationship makes me feel sick, shouto! this is not the right time for you, so stop dreaming of it.”

“don’t tell me what to do!” he screamed. “don’t you dare tell me what to do! forget your future plans for me and let me do the honors. stop pestering me!”

tears flowed down his cheek as he gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. the little flame he had on his palm died down.

“do you actually think they wouldn’t set foot in this house?”

“shouto, forget about them. this topic is over.”

“answer me, father,” he spat. “do you?”

“absolutely.”

“do you actually think i would marry someone of your choice?”

“this is ridiculous. you’re behaving ridiculously, shouto.”

“do you think they haven’t met mother?”

endeavour’s eyes widened. “already?”

“as long as i get the green light from her, your words mean nothing to me.”

“no it does n-,”

“quit it.”

shouto grabbed his bag, said goodbye to his siblings, and left the house with his needs.

“this break up would be in your wildest dreams - heck - possibly in the deepest pits of hell.”

^^^

some of his classmates were still up.

they didn’t really get any sleep after your breakdown.

“they’re in here. i’m sure they’ll be very happy to see you again.”

“thank you, midoriya.”

as he left shouto to his own, his knuckles hesitated to bring themselves to your door.

the pain he had inflicted was not only on him, but also you.

knock, knock.

“i’m doing fine, midoriya. the door’s open anyway.”

shouto turned the door knob slowly, revealing a dark room. the only light source was from the big, bright moon.

he saw a little figure staring at it, sobbing quietly.

“y/n....?” he called out softly, careful not to startle you.

you looked up, your eyes adjusting to the darkness ahead of you. but it didn’t have to wait for too long.

“shouto! shouto, oh my god, sho!” you stood up clumsily, your heavy legs bringing you to your boyfriend.

he grabbed hold of you, peppering countless kisses on your tear stained cheeks. it all happened so fast - your heart couldn’t believe it.

you let out a muffled scream into his shirt.

“i’m here now.”

two pairs of eyes were drowning themselves in an infinite amount of tears. as shouto held you, he brought the both of you down to your knees. he still didn’t let you go. it felt so right.

two pieces of a puzzle fit together like never before.

“none of this was your fault, love,” he let you go, wiping away your tears with his thumbs. “you did nothing wrong.”

“your f-father told me you sent him here and i- i didn’t know what to do, i forced myself to not believe it,” you said in between sobs.

“what? no, he has nothing to do with us. it’s my fault. he had to be there when i told natsuo and fuyumi about you. i didn’t want that to happen - let’s just say his presence didn’t mean anything to me at that moment. and for that, i’m sorry, y/n. i promise you, this would never happen again.”

your eyes met his. “breaking up with you was never on my list,” he continued. “i guess he’d planned this earlier.”

“shouto.”

“i’m listening.”

“i love you.”

“i love you more.”

“always.”

“always,” he whispered.

-------------------------------------------------

(a/n): MJKJDNDOWJD i hope it was good!! :(

#bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto #shoto x reader #todoroki shōto #bnha todoroki #shoto todoroki x reader #bnha imagine #todoroki oneshot #bnha oneshots #bnha x reader #my hero academia #bnha shoto todoroki

234 notes · View notes

animepreferences · 5 years ago

Text

P R E F E R E N C E # 3 - D R U N K S H E N A N I G A N S

A K U T A G A W A

“If you ever return her to me in less than perfect condition again...Well, Y/N, wouldn’t really appreciate me finishing that statement. Just don’t let it happen again. Understood?” The seriousness that his face illustrated was even more frightening than the inflection in his voice. The two friends nodded in agreement, unable to muster up the words and courage to apologize again. Furthermore, they thought it might be better to not say anything at all at this point. Which is why after a few awkward seconds they began to back away slowly before scurrying down the porch, almost tripping over each other to get back in their car. Aku could hardly hide his chuckle as he turned to enter the house where he could hear you fumbling around in the kitchen. “Now, what am I supposed to do with you?” He muttered to himself, amusement flitting to his face. “I’m so hungry.” You pouted, arms crossed, lip jutted out. “Did your mean friends not even feed you?” Aku inquired, beginning to pull out a pan and fill it with water. “No. They took me straight home. They knew you’d probably be mad and they didn’t want to make matters worse by getting me home later. I think they’re frightened by you.” Akutagawa couldn’t help but to smirk at this, turning the heat on the stove as he began to prepare your very late dinner. “Smart friends. How does ramen sound? The carbs will be good for you, soak up some of that alcohol.” Aku explained, biting his lip to avoid the smile that was fighting it’s way through. You had curled yourself around his backside, your arms wrapping tight around his waist. He could feel your warm cheek pressing to his shoulder blade, your hot breath sending internal shivers down his spine. He was so thankful you couldn’t hear his thoughts, let alone see his face; he was completely smitten by you and it was particularly hard to control when you were acting like this. “Mmmm. Sounds good. Though, Aku, would you mind giving me a kiss first please?” He rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless. Sober Y/N was never this forward. “Of course,” Turning around to embrace you in a tight hug, he leaned down and brushed his lips against yours, electricity shooting all over his body in an invigorating frenzy. Your hands found their way to knot in his hair, his hands slipping to your lower back. Unlike most of your kisses that were typically very controlled and romantic, this one was wild and unpredictable. He almost let out a moan when you bit down on his lip, granting entrance for his tongue, your hand trailing down his chest slowly...“That’s enough for now.” Aku breathed, trying to recover from the whirlwind his head was currently in. “Woah,” you agreed, almost losing your footing as you stumbled backward. Aku was just in time to catch you in his arms, steadying you before leading you to a bar stool, forcing you to sit and rest. As he cooked your food, he couldn’t help but to thank the lucky stars that he could do this; that he could take care of you and be a good partner. It was a great feeling for him, being able to do this, knowing that he could be there for you when you needed. That is until he looked up and noticed you had already passed out there, head slumped in your arms. “You drunk little fox,” were his last words before draping a blanket over your shoulders while he finished cooking.

D A Z A I

“Careful, my love.” Dazai chided softly, his arms reaching to steady you after he threw an oversize t-shirt on the bed for you, as you fumbled to get your heels off. “Allow me,” He smiled politely, lifting you gracefully so that you were sitting promptly on the bed now. You both had just gotten home from a celebration party with the agency and you had ingested one too many glasses of champagne. “There you go,” He sighed, chucking your shoes behind him before massaging your swollen ankles. He never really understood why you wore such poor choices in shoes when they hurt you the way they did, but he couldn’t deny how irresistible your legs looked when you wore them. Then again, you looked irresistible all of the time to him. “Dazaiiiiiiiii, help!” you whined, scratching at your back trying to unzip your own dress. It took Dazai a moment to pick up on your endeavors, the soft kisses he was peppering on your ankles halting. “Of course, yes.” Dazai obliged, scurrying from the ground to join you on the bed. Slowly unzipping the back of your dress, Dazai tried his best to be a perfect gentlemen, failing miserably as he took in your nude back, clad in only your matching bra and panty set, lust twinkling in his eyes. He swallowed the lump in his throat, letting out an exhale as he stared at the ceiling desperately trying to distract himself. ‘She’s drunk, she’s drunk, she’s drunk’, Dazai chanted to himself internally, trying his best not to touch what he so badly wanted to. “Much better.” You stated, standing to your feet, allowing the dress to drop around your ankles, leaving you nude right before his eyes. “Yes, indeed.” He bit his lip, his brain clouded when you walked over to him on the bed and straddled him. Fingers running through his shaggy locks, you leaned in and began to kiss him on the mouth with vehemence and passion. Dazai was shocked at your newfound confident nature, but wasn’t about to argue it as he reciprocated with the same fire and energy. Arms wrapping around your waist, he pulled you even closer deepening the kiss as he slipped his tongue in your mouth while you were attempting to catch your own breath. Untangling your fingers from his hair, your hands reached to unclaspe your bra clumsily. That’s when it all clicked for him. His head had been so full of excitement, that it took him a quick second to remember what was really happening. He could taste the alcohol on your breath, see the disconnect in your eyes; you weren’t all there. This was wrong. “Belladonna, I love you and I typically love when you try to undress yourself, but this isn’t right. You’re not all here at the moment unfortunately and I can’t in good concience do anything with you without your full, sober consent.” He spoke slowly so you would understand, but you only let out a huge puff of unsastisfied air in response. “This is me giving you my consent,” You leaned in for a kiss, but Dazai intercepted kissing your forehead instead, forcing your arms up as he tugged the oversized t-shirt over your head. “Y/N. You know we can’t.” Dazai reasoned, pulling the covers back as he pat the open space beside him. “But I can hold you until you fall asleep? How does that sound?” His words were like melting honey. How could you deny that even if you were drunk? You were never one to turn down Dazai cuddles. Collapsing against his chest, you let out a small ‘hmph’ in a disatisfied pout, trying to ignore how good his arms felt around your body. “I know I’m no fun, but I love you very much.” He said after a moment. You had attempted to say it back, but the drunkness was already taking over and you were already growing very tired. He laughed at your attempt nonetheless and smoothed your hair back lovingly. “You sure are a riot when you drink.” Were his last words before allowing him to fall asleep with you happily in his arms.

C H U U Y A

You had gone completely silent. Chuuya thought you had simply fallen asleep because typically car rides did that for you when you were drunk. Furthermore, he didn’t think much of it. That is until he heard the sniffling. And the fidgeting. And the ragged breathing. “Y/F/N.” He would say calmly, sneaking a glance over your way. He could already tell just by looking at you that you were trying to hide your face from him. You were an emotional drunk and you were definitely crying. “Y/N. Look at me,” He would demand, grabbing your hand in his and kissing your knuckles gently. Chuuya had witnessed this on so many occasions that he had grown desensitized to your overdramatic actions while under the influence. In fact, it was one of his favorite things to talk and joke about the next day because he knew it was simply just the alcohol taking its toll. That didn’t mean, however, he still wasn’t going to bust his ass to at least try and cheer you up. Your smile was priceless to him after all. “Baby, why are you crying?” He would sigh as you finally peaked at him through your hair. “Because I just-I just-I just love you so much, Chuuya!” You would gasp in between hysterical sobs, your crying becoming progressively louder as you threw your fists over your eyes. “You don’t even know how hot you are, it’s awful. I just want to kiss your stupid face all of the time.” You wailed miserably. Chuuya was quiet for a moment and then suddenly he broke out into a loud guffaw. Were you seriously crying over how much you loved him? And how hot you thought he was? Oh, how he was going to LOVE to remind you of this in the morning. Mortified wouldn’t even begin to touch on it. “And now you’re-you’re laughing at me! Do you not love me back anymore? That would suck a lot.” This made him laugh even harder, though he was making a genuine effort to calm down to comfort you even if you were being ridiculous. “My sweet, silly, beautiful girl. If only you knew how much I really loved you. Words cannot even begin to make a dent on the love I have for your very drunken self.” The car came to a halt as he pulled up to your shared apartment, turning to look at you with complete sincerity. “Why are you laughing then?” You would ask timidly, your tears now drying against your puffy cheeks. “Because It’s funny to me that you would even have to consider asking me if I still love you. I will always love you till my last breath and so on. Of course, I love you. I’ll scream it and wake up the entire neighbor hood if you want me to,” He offered opening his car door and slamming it before coming to the passenger side to get you. When you didn’t budge, he cocked his head to the side in confusion. “Well, aren’t you going to tell the neighbors?” He rolled his eyes, lifting up your unwiling body as he kicked the door shut with his foot. Oh, how he loved his very stubborn girlfriend. “I really do love you Y/N. More than I’ve ever loved anything in my life.” He soothed you, kissing the space in between your eyes as he walked you through the threshold of your apartment. “I love you Chuuya.”

262 notes · View notes

uwua3 · 5 years ago

Note

hi, first of all your blog is so pretty damnnn! so are requests open? if they're open, can i request for jealous misumi headcanon?

thank you so much for being the first person to ever request! you’re the absolute best ♡ i really hope you like this~ have a happy, happy day!!!

summary: misumi knew he didn’t deserve you, but he wanted you more than anything

warnings: abandonment, depression, family trauma, insecurity, jealousy

author’s note: i wish to apologize for not seeing this sooner :( i hope you know i didn’t purposely ignore this because the moment i saw this, i became so happy! i am forever grateful for your request, thank you for everything! ♡

i purposely left the ending open! it’s up to you what decision you would have made with your relationship with misumi + i wanted to acknowledge misumi’s vulnerability because of his past; i felt as if growing up in a hostile, competitive environment leads to stunted emotions and not being able to understand one self. it’s a bit personal because i think most of us understand being afraid to take risks to go after what we want because we feel as if we don’t deserve it. i’m here to tell you, don’t let it build up, it’s better to disappoint someone for a moment than yourself for a lifetime! go for it! i believe in you!

word count: 1,489

music: want you more – harlequin gold

upon the rooftop.

🌻⚠️ ikaruga misumi

misumi didn’t realize how attached he became until it was too late

he’d casually come up to you with no clue why you turned so red when he held your hand, or when he refused to leave your side because he enjoyed your company

after all, he’s only recently discovered what having good friends is like!

but it’s hard to know the difference with misumi since he’s like this with everyone, always ready with his special triangle to make them smile—it honestly feels like you’re just like everyone else

you started thinking misumi’s affectionate & clingy behavior was a joke since he was so indifferent and unbothered by your attempts to drop hints that you’re interested

seriously... you once even told him you liked him straight to his face and he was lost in his daily town mapping to find the best triangles

did he respond? no. misumi just started rambling about the best hotspots of triangles that were around, much to your embarrassment

so you decided you shouldn’t waste your time on someone who didn’t even understand personal relationships and tried to move on, as much as it hurted to admit. how can you be romantically involved with someone who was incapable of having proper feelings? you knew you didn’t believe that... but it was for the best

yet, misumi was confused for the first time in a while. he was always sure: always knew the backroads to the next triangular treasure, always knew what time the members woke up and went to sleep, and always knew what mood they were in the moment he stepped into the room, but he couldn’t figure you out at all

he was slowly, but painfully, becoming aware of how you stopped returning his touches and didn’t even look at the gifts he brought back. but he didn’t know it wasn’t personal, but to you, it looked like misumi didn’t care you were with someone else all the time

when in reality, misumi trusted you 100% and thought you just had more friends, which was completely okay! misumi was very happy you had more people to talk to, pushing down the evil feelings of envy in a place only he knew. you were probably just busy being a social butterfly, right?

until one day, misumi saw you take off the “best friends” triangle necklace you two shared before heading out of the dorms to some person across the street

misumi was... what was this? he slouched down at the balcony, unmotivated to even go outside. he quickly jumped off to another adventure searching for triangles, but his coping mechanism was beginning to fail at giving him momentary distraction. what was this feeling? was he... jealous?

but, he couldn’t be! nothing belonged to misumi in this world. misumi grew up in a brutally blunt home that saw feelings as weakness. misumi had nothing to him because he didn’t deserve it... that was that

misumi came home to the mankai dorms with nothing that day, and you didn’t even notice

misumi thought he didn’t deserve you, and it was selfish of him to even think you’d pay attention to him when he couldn’t emote like everyone else (but it wasn’t really his fault, it’s just the way he was raised)

misumi became secluded from the others due to this realization. it was one internal struggle to another, the jealousy bringing past childhood trauma to the surface. misumi was afraid of exposing his past after maintaining an easygoing persona for so long

the mankai boys were on edge; they’ve never seen this side of misumi where it was like he was actually fully aware of his own actions. misumi would pop in every now and then to avoid suspicion, but his triangle trips became less frequent and his hyperfixiation even seemed exaggerated

none of them knew what to do, because you appeared exactly the same and misumi’s character had a full 180 flip like he was a stranger

but he didn’t act any different around you. misumi treated it like it was a street act; he was hurt, but you could never tell

but never fear, misumi’s jealousy was never angry; his fear was bearing any resemblance to his parents after his grandfather passed, so it’s not like he ever blamed you out of spite

in fact, misumi felt like it was all on him. he didn’t know what love was, or what a healthy romantic relationship looked like. so these feelings he had unintentionally held, came attacking his heart the moment he finally realized he liked you, a lot

it was a month after he saw you without your necklace. you were being loudly mocked downstairs in the dorms about your latest date, who you revealed was nothing special and the dating game was boring

the select group of matchmaker boys would groan about your recent endeavors, how they always ended up for nothing

misumi wanted to be the only one with the second date, he thought suddenly

misumi became scared as he laid in his own bed, alone because he couldn’t handle anything else. scared of ending up like his parents with an unhappy marriage and projecting his own insecurities onto you

but then he thought of his grandfather, who was very much in love with acting and woke up everyday to be involved in its craft until the day he died

that, was love. love was when misumi took you to his favorite triangle discoveries and when you actually cared about his strange coping mechanism. love was you wearing that necklace you two shared because he wanted to be the one closest to your heart. misumi loves you, it just took him a bit of jealousy and self–reflection to realize it

sitting up in his dark room and untangling himself from the messy sheets, misumi couldn’t hide behind his triangular daydreams anymore. he had to do something about you because you made him just as happy as his special protractor

he was ready for commitment. he was ready to reveal parts of himself that weren’t ideal, but honest enough so he could explain how he would need patience from you

so he felt everything. years of practice maintaing his calm composure and naive honesty cracked as it came down to this when he sprinted to find you. his door whacked open with a loud boom, alerting the rest of the members of his presence

misumi, with every care in the world at this point, grabbed your hands and pulled you from the boys, not saying a word despite your protests

he deserved this. after years of pretending, never having anything he ever wanted. he needed this. this spontanaeity, not planning out every move in his life. he didn’t need a plan, he needed you

up on the roof you both went even as you questioned him numerous times. but it was like he couldn’t hear you, your words carried away in the wind. you tried stopping him but he couldn’t just settle down, he needed to say it

“i want to take you to more than just triangle trips. i want to go wherever makes you happy, i want to make you happy.”

misumi rushed out, his mouth moving faster than his brain as he stared into your eyes with his fists clenched at his sides. he hadn’t changed his clothes in a few days, he looked like the state of his mind: a mess

it was so heartbreakingly truthful of him that misumi’s wavering posture was highlighted in the moon’s light, his shot of confidence suddenly dying when he glanced at your neck to see it without your triangle necklace

you had never seen him so erratic, so nervous, but so determined in anything. it looked like he wasn’t going to take no for an answer, even though that one word would crush him

the silence was defeaning. misumi exhaled after holding his breath out of nervousness. shoving his hand in his pocket, misumi pulled out another necklace, but this time, much more unique and special to him

the triangle necklace was the first present he ever received with love

“i want to make you happy, like this made me when my grandfather gave it to me. please, take it.”

misumi stood in front of you, tall on the roof’s peak as he shined amongst the night life. for once, he threw out his methodical thinking and was doing what his heart wanted at the moment

misumi was so jealous. jealous of every person you stared at with that look in your sparkling eyes. he only wanted you to smile at him, hold his hand, never leave his side. the list goes on. he knew he didn’t deserve it, but he wanted it so bad—he never needed something so much as he did in that moment

glowing in the starlight laying in the center of his shaking palm, was his heart

#ikaruga misumi #misumi ikaruga #a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#act! addict! actors!#a3! actor training game #a3! headcanons #act! addict! actors! headcanons #mankai a3!#mankai company #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #misumi x reader #a3! misumi #a3 misumi

213 notes · View notes