#which i find disrespectful to the parent that provided said last name

[dont-open-dead-inside-25]

Absolutely atrocious that I finally settled on a name during my stranger things phase instead of my supernatural phase. I could've been a Sammy

[n1kolaiz]

"You want to know what death is? I'll tell you. Death is the loss of life. Despite everything doctors like me attempt... a patient's life can still fall through our fingers. You think death lies in the apex of science? Anyone with such little regard for life will die by my hand."

Character Analysis: Yosano Akiko

Age: 25 || Ability: Thou Shalt Not Die

BSD CHAPTER CHAPTER 65-66 SPOILERS

table of contents:

1. Author counterpart.

2. Yosano's history.

3. 'Angel of Death' defined.

4. Yosano and Atsushi.

YOSANO BRAINROT!*(#&!*@#($

1. Author counterpart.

Having been given the “Sho Ho” at birth, Yosano Akiko’s counterpart—the real-life author—was known for her zealous take on both feminism and pacifism.

Side note: Once again, to avoid confusion, I will use the name Sho Ho in reference to the real-life author, and Yosano in reference to the BSD character.

Sho Ho's writings were pretty much out-of-the-ordinary in her time, and despite being suppressed by the social norms of gender hierarchy, she sought to reform society’s view on the cultural perspectives of women and their sexuality (She expressed her love for a woman in one of her poems, but many still argued on whether she identified herself as queer or not.)

"Thou Shalt Not Die," Yosano's ability, is actually named after one of Sho Ho's most famous, controversial poems. She wrote it for her brother, who was a soldier in the war between Russia and Japan (1904-1905). In her poem, she expressed her general distaste for war and how her brother was a part of it.

O my young brother, I cry for you Don't you understand you must not die! You who were born the last of all Command a special store of parents' love

Would parents place a blade in children's hands

Teaching them to murder other men Teaching them to kill and then to die? Have you so learned and grown to twenty-four?

- excerpt from Sho Ho's poem, "Kimi Shinitamou Koto Nakare"

Her words were blunt enough to inflict guilt on her brother's conscience, as she wasn't afraid to express her disapproval over how her brother took part in the typical violent bloodshed and manslaughter of war. Such opinions perturbed the authorities, and her work was eventually banned from the public for a period of time. Later on, it was used as an anti-war statement.

2. Yosano's history.

Now, as for the character in BSD, Yosano is seen to be generally strong-willed, and later on, we see that she is terrifyingly compassionately ambitious in the way she treats her patients. She treasured life itself, and hated the thought of losing a patient.

Yosano had developed her relations with Mori Ougai back in the Great War, when she was just 11 years old. Her ability was a great benefactor in saving lives. Realistically speaking, she was used for her ability to heal injured soldiers and diminish the effect of any casualty acquired.

Initially, she wasn't aware of this, until one of her close friends pointed it out by subtly accusing Mori of manipulating her to participate in the War under the close-to false pretence of 'saving lives.'

As much as her ability did save lives, it also forced soldiers to return to the frontlines and suffer injuries over and over again. The soldiers were never given the opportunity to return to their families because of her ability. This obliged them to carry on in the war without any excuse, inserting them into a vicious cycle they had no escape out of.

Metaphorically speaking, Yosano's hatred for Mori sort of mirrors Sho Ho's disdain for war and fighting, don't you think? The way Kafka materialised Yosano's past was quite interesting because he used chapters 65 and 66 to explain Yosano's dislike for Mori, reflecting how Sho Ho used her poem to explain why she condemned the idea of war and how her brother was part of it.

Before the effect of her ability was fully understood, however, every soldier praised and thanked her for what an angel she was. One of the soldiers she had befriended and gotten close to even kept a tally of the number of times she had saved him. He was the one who gifted her the butterfly hairpin she wore all the time.

The weight of the truth that her ability was a curse rather than a blessing fully dawned on her when her soldier friend ultimately committed suicide, because the fact of being indefinitely trapped in the throes of war agonised him until his spirit gave out. This drove Yosano to loathe her ability, or rather, how it was used.

In the time she participated in the War, Yosano was given the alias 'angel of death' due to the control she retained over the battlefield, but I thought that perhaps Kafka had a reason behind giving her this title, so I did my research.

3. 'Angel of Death' defined.

Side note: I wouldn't want to disrespect any culture or religion, so if my citations are inaccurate and/or disrespectful, do feel free to correct me/let me know! I did research out of pure curiosity, and I don't intend to twist the significance of any of the interpretations.

I had to grow up learning about the basics of religious stuff, so it's kind of nice to study something out of the box, and very much against my father's rigid belief system :D

ARCHANGEL ARIEL

(archangel: an angel of higher rank)

I came across the few characteristics of angels/goddesses and their roles, and the one which really caught my attention was the female archangel, Ariel, the angel of nature.

[ source ]

In Hebrew, the name Ariel means 'altar' or 'lioness of God,' and her role is to heal. In addition to that, she is also recognised as a helper to another one of the seven main archangels, Raphael, whose role is to provide physical and emotional healing, too.

She is the protecter of the environment and the animals therein, and is bestowed with the duty to oversee the order of heavenly bodies as well as earth's natural resources. She assures the sustenance of food, water, shelter, and supplies of human beings, much like how a nurse is to a patient I suppose.

In relation to Yosano, I think this part is pretty self-explanatory, or perhaps this is blown out of proportion HA, so take this as a suggestion rather than a fact, because I'd like to believe that Kafka had a reason for giving Yosano a title as such.

In the past, I've come across the angel of death only to perceive it as a female grim reaper of some sort, so it was pretty cool to find that the word 'angel' and 'death' made up a title of a someone like Ariel, one of the purest forms of humility and compassion.

GREEK GODDESS PANAKEIA

For my beloved (wannabe/or not) students of Greek mythology (much like myself, let's make a cult!), you've probably heard of Panakeia, the goddess of healing. Medicine finds most of its vital significance in Greek history, and in its mythology, Panakeia is actually known for her ability to heal any kind of sickness.

[ source ]

Her name means 'panacea,' which is actually defined as a remedy for all diseases. Terminal diseases and injuries lead to death, right? This would bring us back to Yosano's ability to nullify any injury's effects on a person, keeping them from death itself.

Now, we know that in order for Yosano's ability to work, her patient, or victim, has to be in a near-death condition in order for her treatment to take effect. This can't exactly fit into the description of resurrection, but it can be described as some sort of rebirth.

GREEK GODDESS PERSEPHONE

So another goddess which reminds me of Sho Ho/Yosano, is Persephone, the goddess of spring and rebirth. Before Hades, the god of the underworld, fell in love with Persephone to take her to live with him, Persephone lived a happy life.

Hades, with his nature of darkness and the like, was captivated by how pure Persephone was, and stole her away from her former life to live in an environment which differed sharply from her natural aura of purity.

[ source ]

Remember when Yosano's friend left a note behind before he killed himself? The note said nothing except for, "You are too righteous." Take that as you will, but figuratively speaking, you could say Mori takes the role of Hades in the story, while Yosano can be portrayed as Persephone.

Sho Ho can also be a parallel of Persephone, in that she had to adapt to the realities of war and disharmony, while Persephone had to adapt to the raw darkness of the underworld with Hades.

Sho Ho stood against society's norms and decided to reform it, making her one of the most well-known feministic pacifist in history, while Persephone managed to escape from the underworld to return to her former position, earning the title the 'Bringer of Life,' or the 'Destroyer of Death.'

Furthermore, the way Sho Ho's anti-war poem took its effect later on, reflects the way Persephone restored balance in the world after returning from the underworld.

4. Yosano and Atsushi.

chapter 66; Yosano: "It's my fault that those close to me died... Is there some place where it's okay for me to live?"

chapter 8; Atsushi: "If I have any chance of saving them all, of returning them home safely, would that mean it's okay for me to keep on living?"

I couldn't help but think of Dazai and Atsushi back when I was reading through these panels. Ranpo (my beloved), along with Fukuzawa, accepted Yosano as she was, despite how her ability was a cause of despair and misfortune.

Ranpo looked past her mistakes and the entirety of how dark her past was to welcome her into the Armed Detective Agency. Dazai, on the other hand, knew who Atsushi was and what his ability had made him do before anyone else, and still decided to provide a safe place for Atsushi to find his sense of belonging, journeying with him as he learned to use his ability properly.

For more info about Dazai and Atsushi's dynamic, you can check out the analysis I did for Dazai :D

Atsushi desired to save people to prove his right to live, while Yosano made her wish to achieve the recovery of all her patients the reason for her existence.

Others would prefer to accuse both Yosano and Atsushi of having a saviour complex, but the reason why they pursued to save people with utmost dedication, stems from the nature of what their past was like. You know the saying 'from broken to beautiful?' Yeah, it's something like that.

The way their pasts were written out gave them a desire to change, which was, I daresay, initiated by the people who took them in: Ranpo and Dazai. Their abilities were demonised because of how they were used, but once they broke from their abilities' effect over their lives, they honed their skills to control them for the right cause instead.

In a less cynical point of view, I believe both Yosano and Atsushi stood for what was right, and wanted nothing but to achieve peace and harmony in whatever way they could, even if it meant risking their own lives to save others.

So yeah, that's it for my rants today. Thank you for reading, and if you have anything to add, go ahead! I'm open to discussions ;)

[helioleti]

I've been rewatching ATLA several times lately and this time I especially ended up wondering a lot about Iroh and Ozai's past and characters in general. I just can't help but think it weird that Ozai is the ultimate trashbag of a humanbeing while Iroh ended up preaching harmony and peace. It just doesn't make any sense. These guys are brothers. They were brought up by the same parents, in the same fascist imperialistic nation, they were taught the same values growing up. You're trying to tell me the difference is that Iroh was destined to be the person he eventually came to be, but Ozai was just born evil? No, I don't think so.

I have two hot takes that I'm gonna elaborate:

1. Iroh had a guidance Ozai lacked

2. Ozai was the less favored son

(Disclaimer: I haven't read the comics yet so I don't know how deep they've already gone into this subject at some point. I'm trying to interpret and analyze the stuff that I got from the animated series only. If anything I say contradicts what has already been confirmed in the comics, feel free to correct me.)

Hear me out. Iroh wasn't born a saint. Everyone is aware of this, especially Iroh himself. He laid siege to Ba Sing Se for 2 years, costing the Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom thousands of lives. Everyone knew that if the Fire Nation took over the capital, it meant almost ultimate victory for the Fire Nation. He even went as far as making a offhand sadistic jokes about burning the city to the ground in that letter to Zuko and Azula.

Iroh acknowledges it himself; He was a different man.

So what changed?

Yes, his son died. It broke and shattered him from the inside, making him drop all efforts to continue fighting in the war. To continue what had been his lifelong ambition, what he believed to be his destiny. He had a literal vision about taking over Ba Sing Se when he was a child, and that had been what he'd been pursuing ever since. But the death of his son managed to crumble all of that into nothingness. How is that possible?

Don't get me wrong. I think it's completely valid. I just don't understand how Lu Ten and Iroh could've had such a loving and caring relationship in the first place, when that's clearly something unusual among the royal family. Ozai burned and banished Zuko without a second thought, not to mention all the other shit he did to him growing up. Ozai didn't give two shits about Azula either, he only ever intended to use her as his weapon. Doesn't seem too surprising, if you ask me. Azulon didn't hesitate to demand that Ozai kill his own son if he wanted the throne. That's the man that raised Ozai, so it's just logical that Ozai learned that behavior and those values from his own father.

Even 9 year old Azula thinks it laughable that Iroh would fall apart at the death of his son. She is a child and this is how she thinks. The reason Zuko doesn't think like this is because he's had the guidance of his mother, unlike Azula. This is the kind of mentality these kids grow up with. They grew up with war and so did Iroh and Ozai.

So why was Iroh's relationship with Lu Ten so different? Where did Iroh experience the kind of compassion and love he passed on to his own son, that Ozai definitely didn't? People act on how they've come to learn, so where did Iroh learn to care about his son to a point that it made him give up on his lifelong ambition?

Let's review a very crucial information we have on Iroh and Ozai as siblings: They have a huge age gap.

Frankly, I'm guessing about 10-20 years. Looks more like 20 to me, but that could also be Iroh's greater amount of endured pain and war making him look older than he actually is. But no one can deny that an age gap is definitely there. Which can also indicate they had different upbringings, despite having grown up in the same family as brothers.

What does this mean? Well, that's just me theorizing now, but I can definitely imagine that Iroh had someone, a family member maybe, there for him who wasn't around or didn't care to be when Ozai grew up. There must've been someone there who gave Iroh emotional security and guidance throughout his upbringing. Who? That's up to imagination. A friend of the family? A friendly uncle? His own mother ((or father))? (The last two things worked out for Zuko in the end, didn't they?) Otherwise I can't really explain myself why Iroh had enough values to love the way he loved Lu Ten, while Ozai clearly didn't give two fucks about his children at any point in his life.

Iroh was the firstborn son, the one who had a vision very early in his life that his destiny was to take over Ba Sing Se. Probably the one who got to have a family member care about him enough to show him how to love.

(I like to point this out a lot because I find it very interesting, and very significant. Please A:TLA give us more info on Iroh's past!!)

Which brings me to my second take: Ozai was the less favored son.

Iroh was clearly a son to be proud of. He was a master firebender, the "Dragon of the West", if you will. He apparently had a vision as a boy that he'd conquer the most "impenetrable city" in the world. He probably lived up to his parent's expectations for his whole life, especially having no sibling to be compared to for a significant part of his life. He broke through the outter wall of Ba Sing Se during his siege. Yada yada yada, you get my point. He's the best son they could've wished for.

And Ozai? As far as I know, he barely even has any military achievements. Taking over Ba Sing Se was Azula's doing. While Iroh laid siege to the capital, he was at home chilling in the palace. He's the younger brother to an established hero and was never meant to be firelord. Now, I haven't read the comics for more info on Ozai's biography, but this man barely had a chance to live up to his parent's standards with Iroh as an older brother. If my theory is correct, Ozai also didn't have any person to provide him emotional guidance throughout his life. (*cough* like Azula)

The logical outcome is: infinite jealousy.

And when Ozai suggests to Azulon that he revoke Iroh's birthright to become firelord, this is Azulon's answer:

Azulon doesn't even hesitate to call Ozai out on his bullshit. He doesn't hesitate to take offense at the suggestion of betraying Iroh, and he even seems to care about Iroh's suffering. Not to mention that Azulon is overall annoyed with Ozai's request for an audience and sends the rest of Ozai's family away as soon as he can, to get whatever it is Ozai wants over with.

I could also mention the fact that Ozai tried to impress Azulon with his daughter's skills (Azula, even named after him) and the overall strained relationship these two seem to exhibit. It's obviously very different from Azulon's relationship with Iroh, if the way he talks about said man is anything to show for.

What if Azulon treated Ozai the same way Ozai treated Zuko? (Probably without the physical abuse, but you get my point.) What if this is where Ozai learned to treat a "useless" kid like shit, maybe also in a way to cope with how he was treated himself?

Getting deeper into the fact that Ozai is rather a loser compared to Iroh, without any big military achievements and without value for anything beyond that, this also explains a lot about Ozai's constant need to establish his dominance.

First; Becoming Firelord through radical manners (you know, killing his own son or killing his own father)

Second; Publicly burning and banishing his own son whom he considers a weakling, who dared to speak up in his war room. Doing this to have everyone know that he doesn't associate himself with weakness and that he will not ever tolerate any form of disrespect.

Third; The whole Phoenix King act. No one can tell me this isn't a madman's doing. This is literally to show off that he is the most powerful person in the world.

Ozai is so obsessed with proving himself and his superiority to everyone, including himself and probably Iroh too. This makes most sense if we consider that he probably lived in his brother's shadow for his whole life, ignored by probably every guiding figure he's ever had in his life, maybe even considered a laughingstock by his own father.

Perhaps this is also the reason Ozai didn't have any problem with Iroh accompanying Zuko in banishment. His brother, the hero in whose shadow he grew up, and his son, the failure he'd wanted out of the way for a long time already. It would erase Iroh's image that made him superior to him, once and for all. For himself and the world. I believe that branding him a traitor was the biggest satisfaction Ozai had ever experienced in his life.

I absolutely despise Ozai with every fibre of my heart, but it amazes me how ATLA continues to leave so much room for interpretation and explanation for a character as despicable as him. Writing this, even had me feel sympathy for him at some point. Feel free to disagree with me or add anything, I'm eager to hear everyone's thoughts about Ozai and Iroh's backstories because I'm geniuinely very curious.

[maybe-itll-be-someday]

Teenage Dreams

The one where someone disrespects Emily and Jack remedies it by punching them in the face.

Read on AO3

Emily was a great Mom.

Despite the fact that they weren't related by blood, she was the only mom he truly ever know. He never really knew his actual Mom since she had died so long ago now. He had snippets of memories, barely threads now since it's been over a decade since she passed, and the stories that his Dad would tell him. About how they first met in the Pirates of Penzance play in high school, how she supported him through law school and the Academy, and how she loved strawberry ice cream and will always love him.

But Emily had always been around, on the sidelines of his soccer games and baseball tournaments, wiping his tears and kissing his bandages when he scraped his knee or slammed his finger in the car door. They had gotten married almost five years ago now and it was only in the last three that Jack had insisted on calling her Mom.

"You're the only Mom I have." He had said when she was stunned into silence as he tested the moniker on his lips on a Wednesday afternoon. He doesn't think he'd ever seen Emily cry so hard before.

The only thing Jack Hotchner didn't really like about his mom, is all the snide comments and half whispers among his friends whenever they came over. He was aware that Emily was beautiful, if the way his Dad always told her was any indication.

It was after school and Mom had come to pick him up after his first soccer practice, his friends quickly starting to elbow each other as his Mom made his way towards them, still dressed from work with her FBI badge hanging off the side of her blazer.

"Hi sweetie." Emily greets. She smiled brilliantly at all his friends, some of whom quickly averted their eyes at the sight of her.

"Hey Mom. These are my teammates." He says, introducing her to the gangly group of teenagers who were either outright staring or doing everything in their power to not make any eye contact.

"I just need to go grab my stuff from the locker room. I'll meet you at the car?" Emily nods, knowing that now that Jack was getting older he was starting to enter the phase where everything his parents did embarrassed him, even if it was just something as simple as picking him up from practice. If Emily were a betting woman, she would wager a large amount of money that Jack wanted her to park down the street so his friends never saw her.

If only she knew exactly why Jack was keeping his friends far away from her.

His friends immediately start whispering to themselves as Emily makes her way back towards the parking lot to wait for Jack.

"That's his mom?"

"Holy shit."

"That is a MILF if I've ever seen one." Jack is quick to shoot an angry glare at his teammate, who at the stern look in Jack's eye, had the decency to look embarrassed before they made their way into the locker room.

Jack could still hear the rumblings among his friends, catching the words sexy and red from the direction of the showers. He tries to block it out, but he can feel the tips of his ears go read as his teammates swapped remarks about their list of hottest Moms and somehow, his own makes it on the list.

He's still bright red when he hops into the car, Mom with a concerned look on her face.

"Are you alright, Jack? You're not catching a fever, are you?" She frowns, checking his temperature with the back of his hand as he swats her away.

"Mom, I'm fine. It's nothing." Emily tuts, Jack's tone toeing the boundary between upset and disrespectful.

"Jack, you know that as a profiler I can tell when you're lying to me, right?" She says, her eyebrow raised and Jack grumbles to himself. Emily smiles at the muttered words, but for her benefit, she asks him to speak up.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"I said yes ma'am, I am well-aware."

"And you also know that I won't force you to talk about anything unless you want to talk about it?"

A small smile breaks on Jack's lips. Mom never did push him to talk about anything, always just letting him know that she was available when he eventually did want to. Her only condition was that he would talk to her eventually, no matter how long that took. It was one of Jack's favorite things about her, since she could really calm his Dad down when he had that vein bulging from his neck whenever information was withheld from him.

"I'm aware of that too."

"As long as you know." She says, before turning up the radio and singing in an off-tune pitch to the latest pop song on the radio, clearly unaware of the actual lyrics or which key the song is supposed to be in.

Okay, maybe there were two things he didn't like about her.

--

The next time someone makes a comment about his Mom, they make it to Jack's face.

Dennis Smith was one of those kids you'd consider an outcast in school. Always dressed in torn jeans and black, followed by thin cronies who were too afraid to stand-up to the kids who picked on them so they ended up hiding behind a larger bully. He had been taunting Elliot, Jack's lab partner, for the past three weeks. Elliot had run into class that day, his shirt torn and bag half-opened as he rushed to sit next to Jack.

"Dude, what happened?" Jack asked when he spotted the torn pocket and the hastily stuffed belongings in his backpack. Some of his books were wet and if Jack had to guess, they had roughed him up in the boy's bathroom.

"Dennis." Elliot just mumbles, pulling out his notebook and cursing when he realizes that they took his wallet.

No one was going to pick on his friends if he could do something about it.

At least, that's what his Dad taught him.

So when Chemistry ends, he stalks Dennis and finds him bent over a water fountain, his friends chatting away while leaning on the locker next to him. Jack reaches over and taps him on the shoulder, a bewildered expression on Dennis' face.

"What do you want, Hotchner?" He spit out, puffing his chest to make him seem bigger than he actually was. Dennis didn't like him, since he was one of the only ones who wasn't scared of the bully. Jack found it hard to be scared of him, considering the fact that both of his parents were in the FBI and dealt with much scarier things than insecure teenage boys with an anger issue.

Jack crosses his arms, Elliot hiding behind him as he stares Dennis down.

"What's your problem with Elliot?" He asks flatly, interested in getting to the bottom of this. The hallway slowly starts to flood with students exiting their classes and the commotion causes a small crowd to form. In the corner of his eye, Jack can see cellphones being pulled out and aimed right at them.

"My problem is that little pipsqueak told Ms. Gardner that I was cheating." The bully stares directly at Elliot, who cowers further behind Jack despite the fact that Jack was only a few inches taller than him.

"But you were cheating."

"Well, if he learned to mind his own business, then maybe we wouldn't pick on him so much." Jack sizes Dennis up - he notices the muddy state of his shoes and pants that dangle just above his ankles, clearly too short for him. He smells faintly of body odor and some form of energy drink and if Jack had to guess, no one was providing him parental supervision at home.

He was angry, and had no one to direct that anger towards except for a student who was just doing his due diligence.

"Look, Dennis. I get it - your parents don't spend enough time with you, they leave you alone a lot, and you're angry about it. Can't you find something better to do with your time? Like actually studying so you don't need to cheat?"

Dennis flushes bright red and Jack turns and motions for Elliot to follow him. Hopefully, that would be enough to stop them from bullying Elliot. It's only then that he hears what Dennis mutters under his breath.

"Not all of us have a hot ass stepmom to tend to our every need. If I had a stepmom like that-"

Jack's fist connects with his nose, his knuckles flashing in pain at the contact. He feels a white hot rage spark under his skin, directed at anyone who would think to badmouth his family. The crowd gasps as Dennis falls to the floor, clutching his nose and yelping in pain. Jack flexes his knuckles and winces at the dull ache that settled in his joints. He freezes when he hears a familiar voice call out his name.

"Jack Hotchner!" Jack's eyes close and hopes that it isn't who he thinks it is.

He plasters a smile on his face and turns around, hiding his swollen hand behind his back.

"Hi Principal Gibbons."

--

"You are grounded for at least three months." Aaron says, his knuckles white around the steering wheel. It was just his luck that his Dad would be the one to pick him up. Apparently, Mom was off on a case with the BAU and Jack had a feeling she would be more understanding of him breaking Dennis' nose after fifth period.

After all, she was the one who signed him up for self-defense classes.

"What were you thinking Jack? Breaking a kid's nose?" His Dad had been furious upon arriving at the Principal's office. To the normal outsider, he looked calm, but Jack knew the fury that lay underneath. Dad had an excellent poker face and he managed to keep his anger under wraps until they got back into the car.

"He was being a dick."

"Language." His Dad warns and Jack sighs, knowing that swearing probably wasn't going to save him from the thin ice he was already on.

"Look, he was bullying my friend Elliot and I stood up to him."

"So, instead of talking it out, you punched him." Aaron says in disbelief and Jack shakes his head in frustration.

"No, I told him that his parents weren't around and that he was angry, so instead of picking on Elliot, he should just study."

There's a beat of silence.

"You profiled him?" Aaron curses the pride that blooms at the realization, not wanting Jack to get off that easy. After all, he did get suspended for three days and had to visit the school counselor with Dennis upon his return for 'mediation'.

"I did. Then I walked away."

"Then why did you punch him?"

"Because he said something about Emily." Jack's arms cross, his gaze out the window and Aaron sighs. He had been ecstatic when Emily came to him with tears in her eyes because Jack wanted to start calling her Mom. It was a decision that Aaron always left entirely up to Jack, not wanting to force him into feeling like they were replacing Haley since they were getting married. She had always been perfectly fine at being called Emily, not wanting to infringe on Jack's view of Haley. Jack only reverted back to calling her 'Emily' when he wanted to distinguish Emily and Haley.

Aaron lets the silence sit for a minute, his anger deflating. "What did he say?" He eventually asks.

"That not everyone had a hot ass stepmom to tend to their every need."

A different flash of anger runs through Aaron, his grip around the steering wheel tightening a little bit and his knuckles flashing white.

"That's why I punched him. I don't want anyone to talk about Mom like that."

Aaron lets out a breath, the last of his anger dissipating with Jack's words. He had always taught Jack to stand-up for those who couldn't stand up for themselves and he did just that. He stood up for Elliot and he stood up for Emily as well, not tolerating any disrespect for the people he cared about.

"Hot ass stepmom?" Aaron asks, a curious eyebrow raised.

"Oh Dad, you have no idea."

--

Emily comes back home to the angry marks on Jack's hand settling into purple and yellow bruises.

"You did what?"

"He punched a kid at school. He'll be suspended until tomorrow." Emily crossed her arms, disappointment in her expression. "Did this kid attempt to hit you first?"

Jack shook his head, hung low from the stare his Mom was baring into him. Aaron chuckles, rescuing Jack from what he is sure is a tongue lashing with a gentle hand placed on her shoulder.

"He was actually defending a friend." Mom's stance softens ever so slightly and eventually, she uncrosses her arms and sighs.

"As long as it was for the right reasons. But I still don't condone the violence and you're grounded until next week." Jack nods, knowing that it was a lenient punishment considering he spent the last month grounded because he had snuck out to see a girl.

Later, when Jack is in bed, Aaron tells Emily the true reason why he had gotten in trouble. Her heart swells with pride and an absolute adoration for the boy she's watched grow up and felt honored that he would defend her from his peers.

"Hot ass stepmom, huh?" She teases as Aaron bristles. She loved that even after years together, he still got jealous. Many cops and detectives have been the end of the Hotchner glare when he caught them checking her out and somehow, it doesn't surprise her that a few harmless teenage crushes would cause his heckles to rise.

"Oh sweetheart." She coos, snaking her arms around his neck as his hands land on her hips. She doesn't miss the way his grip is just a little tighter and giggles as he grunts in acknowledgement.

"You don't need to worry about a bunch of teenage boys stealing me away."

"Who says I'm worried?"

Emily just laughs, smoothing the frown on his forehead.

"Whatever you say, sweetie."

--

Later that week, when Jack's friends come over before they head to the high school football game, Emily comes home from her run. Her hair is thrown up in a messy bun, her sweat slick on her skin and her running shorts hugging her behind tightly. Aaron walks into the living room to greet her to see two pairs of eyes glued to Emily's form as she walks into the kitchen to get some water.

He throws them a death glare and doesn't fight the smirk on his face when Emily presses a kiss to his lips in greeting.

--

[lily-mj-fae]

Nesta and Elain

I’m going to add now: I recognize my own clear bias towards Elain. And in many ways, this post is in part to defend her, especially since now that fandom has more insight on Nesta, there’s been an increase in hate towards Elain, especially in regards to her interactions with Nesta. Some of these include expecting her to remain in a toxic situation purely because she “owes” Nesta. And so i want to discuss, why that mindset is wrong (which i’ve done a couple times in terms of morally/ethically) because they barely have a relationship anyway. Mostly, i just want to actually describe what we see of them. I’m going to try to stick to mostly just facts of what happens, with some inferences based on text on either side.

So there’s a lot of evidence to show, that while the two clearly clung to each other when their family fell, and that there’s obvious love on either side for each other, they do not have a strong relationship. Or a healthy one. Or a good one.

Not only do we have Elain mentioning that no one ever really listens to her (which is obvious it does in fact apply to her family as we see in canon a few times over, I’ll get to that). But you’d have thought that in ACOSF we’d see some kind of fond memories from Nesta about Elain. Some kind of fondness. Something that made us really believed and finally understand why she loved Elain so fiercely she would have ripped apart the world to defend her. Instead, we learn, Nesta has never told anyone she loved them until she said it to Feyre. And we do not see a single happy thought about Elain from Nesta. No happy memories. Nothing. But there was no explanation for WHY she felt so strongly for just Elain. And not a single thing to really support her feeling that way.

We’re led by Feyre to believe that Elain and Nesta are so close. And at first glance, sure, it’s easy to believe. They spend the most time together. They gossip and talk at dinner together. They have the matching iron bracelets (that I believe wasn’t a purchase made by both as Feyre seemed to think, but by Nesta, because Feyre mentions specifically how Elain had spent her money on gifts for her sisters, and I think if Elain had been involved, she would have gotten one for Feyre). Then throughout the series we see how much Nesta is willing to fight to protect Elain. How much she wants to keep Elain away from danger. We see her wanting to do things with Nesta, but not knowing how anymore because she’s becoming more distant. We see Elain even wanting to spend time with Nesta and trying to keep her included in things into ACOFAS.

To me, the illusion fades with that conversation with Lucien in the library. When Elain says that no one really heard her. And when you look at things, it becomes obvious. Most especially with Nesta. Feyre we know already knows little about her sisters. She assumed that Nesta hated her, and that her sisters would be glad to have her gone. And is surprised that Nesta would have gone after her. But with Elain we see this frequently. Elain wants to help Feyre. So she speaks up. Yes, it puts her relationship at risk. And yes, we know that Nesta takes over in an attempt to provide a buffer for Elain should Graysen find out, to maybe save her from the heartbreak of him leaving her for helping any Fae. But it doesn’t change that it was Elain’s decision. Elain’s desire to help. Nesta instead pushed her out of it wherever she could (IE taking over correspondence for them) in the name of protecting her. This is a problem. Because 1) Nesta is sacrificing her own feelings to do what Elain wants, which I think is wrong. Nesta didn’t want to help, and I think she should have stuck to that. Stuck to her own decision. 2) Nesta is preventing Elain from dealing with consequences of her actions (IE, if Graysen found out she was helping the fae). 3) This is disrespecting Elain's agency. She's not letting Elain be herself by constantly interfering 4) she then goes on to belittle Elain for those things, despite it being her decisions and actions to interfere. And we can recognize that her intentions are good all we want, it doesn't make the actions themselves good or even appropriate. Intentions only mean so much. They certainly don't excuse such detrimental behavior.

Now could Elain have fought back? The black and white answer? Yes. But it's not that simple. Elain we know has been belittled from a young age by at least her mother (okay that's an assumption on my part. But with feyre's description of their mother and Nesta's memories, i certainly wouldn't be surprised if she'd said those things to Elain's face). And essentially raised to be pleasant and agreeable. A proper lady. Her confidence in herself doesn't seem very high. Not to mention, she's much quieter than Nesta. Imagine how exhausting it would be to fight your sister on every little thing you wanted to do. And we see this in canon. Every time Elain wants to help, she has to fight Nesta. I don't think this just magically started in acomaf. I'd wager its been going since a minimum of coming to the cottage (It’s part of why I think Elain doesn’t necessarily take up chopping wood when the request is there. i think she attempted once, and Nesta stopped her and wouldn’t let her). I personally think since their mother's death. Elain is also younger than Nesta, and we do have canon evidence of her having at least one memory full of complete adoration. And a respect for the art form and her sister's views on life. So her fighting back, isn’t as easy as fandom wants to think it is.

I also want to bring up someone once mentioning in ACOTAR when Elain and Feyre were talking, and Elain mentions that she feels awful to have her friends over because Nesta makes them uncomfortable, and how that’s so disrespectful of Elain. No it’s not. Elain is allowed to have friends over. And Nesta just glared at them. I’m not saying she had to like them (because I understand why she wouldn’t), but that was rude, and she could have easily been elsewhere, and let Elain have her friends and enjoy time with them. I also read it differently, in that Elain feels awful inviting her friends over because it’s upsetting Nesta too. Which isn’t fair to her either, given that Nesta has at that point begun isolating herself (and while we as readers become aware of why later, Elain has absolutely no idea. And already has said Nesta wouldn’t talk about it. Implying she tried reaching out too), thus leaving Elain feeling very lonely. Overall, Elain here is feeling the way she should. It’s like when you have company over and your parents start yelling at you, or just being anything less than polite and you have to deal with the awkward tension. 

Then comes ACOSF. And i know i wasn't the only one hoping to find out more about their relationship. And i’m not the only one who was left disappointed that we still don’t get to understand Nesta’s behavior when it comes to Elain. In fact, if I had only read ACOSF and you had told me that before that, Elain seemed to be Nesta’s favorite sister, I’d call you a liar. I do not get a single ounce that Nest has a loving feeling for Elain in ACOSF. Certainly at the very least, not enough to justify the way she treated Elain vs. Feyre in earlier books. Not to mention, Nesta is under the very immature and inaccurate idea that Elain has chosen Feyre over her. As if it’s black and white. As if Elain can only love her or Feyre. And yes, it’s a sign of her mental illness with depression and trauma. That’s fine. But it still shows a very limited viewpoint. And really only shows a care for herself, no thought of Elain or Elain’s state of mind or even really any empathy for the fact that Nesta was the one causing the rift between them and how that was truly affecting Elain. (Again more trauma response. But my point here is that there is very little empathy towards the sister that we’re told she so vehemently loves).

Now onto the part that I know is my unpopular fandom opinion: Nesta dealing with Elain’s trauma vs Elain dealing with Nesta’s...and how their traumas were very different to deal with in the first place.

My unpopular opinion is that Nesta wasn’t doing anything to actually help Elain. She was doing everything to protect her. But was not interested really in her healing. Nesta isolated Elain, who had previously been social in many ways. We don’t ever see how she fought for Elain to eat or drink or have a will to live. We only hear her say that’s what she did. But fandom does need to stop saying that Nesta was with Elain every second of every day (i have had people say this in arguments. It’s a flat out lie. There’s far more textual evidence that Nesta left Elain alone throughout her trauma than there is that she was by her side constantly. And I don’t say she was never by her side). Because the fact of the matter is that isn’t remotely true. Perhaps of the first few weeks. Before Feyre returned. But after that? We hardly see Nesta with Elain. We instead see her keeping people from interacting with her. Keeping them from giving Elain choices.

And we can shout that she was doing what she thought was best, but it doesn’t change that the effect it had was Elain being isolated and underprepared. Elain had been trying to do her part to help since ACOMAF. And she was being blocked. Elain deserved that chance to go to the high lord’s meeting and share her story (especially since Nesta didn’t want to and wasn’t going to up until the last minute). And Elain should have been offered the same training as Nesta. Especially once they learned she had powers. Instead no one offered to let her help (even though she’d been wanting to help since Feyre first came asking). No one offered to train her. Because Nesta would have had their heads. Saying that it was to keep Elain from doing something she might not have been ready for, plays into the idea that Nesta is protecting Elain from growing. Learning. Protecting her from the consequences. Nesta refused to let anyone really near her beyond the necessities.

Speaking of: Can we please talk about something no one else does? The fact that Nesta just accepts the fact that Elain is mad. That she’s broken. The effect that could have had on her, is so detrimental to Elain’s mental health. The thoughts she was probably already dealing with and then to hear that from her sister? Like she refuses to accept that there could be another answer. And while we might agree and empathize why she would say that, it doesn’t change the effect saying it would have on Elain, who was already struggling heavily to deal with everything that had been thrown at her at once. And even once Elain became Lucid, and they identified the problem, Nesta (and Feyre) continued to try to leave her behind. Again, yes, in the name of protecting Elain. But Nesta never listened to Elain. Never saw that Elain improved upon being involved. That just that action of her wanting to do something, was making her Lucid and back to herself. Instead, Nesta ignored that. Which is why I say she wasn’t focused on Elain’s healing. That and the fact that she’s making assumptions that Elain is fine now.

Elain tried to stay involved with Nesta. No, she didn’t go outside her comfort zone and go into the places Nesta was spending time. But she was trying. I admit, the shot upon Nesta’s arrival is weird. I’m torn between thinking it was a legit, to help relax, or thinking it was something she was pouring as Amren said the comment and decided to drink it instead of giving it to Nesta. (Because yes, it would be easy to say as Amren spoke, elain had been pouring, but even without that, it doesn’t mean things aren’t happening at the same time). When that didn’t work, Elain agreed intervention was necessary. and I just made a whole ass post about why that wasn’t giving up on Nesta like fandom keeps thinking.  

And of course, Elain is not perfect here. She has made her mistakes. Though hers are mostly in terms of words. At least the ones I could find textual evidence for when it comes to Elain and Nesta. And mostly done in terms of emotional response.

Now. I did not intend for this post to shit on Nesta. I’m afraid it feels like it has. So I am going to tag it accordingly. But this was more to bring to light the reality that Nesta and Elain aren’t that close. They don’t have a close relationship. They were more security blankets for each other in ACOTAR, and their missing foundation began to show in ACOMAF when Nesta was unaffected by Tamlin’s Glamour and Elain was. I do think there’s a lot of love to be had between them. (Honestly hearing Elain talk about Nesta dancing, and hearing her be happy that Nesta has the Valkyries, even though she feels like she’s been losing Nesta made my heart swell for the amount of love there). But I wanted to point out that their relationship was extremely surface level and nothing deep. That it’s certainly not what fandom acts like it is as they spin this tale of complete and utter evil Elain betraying Nesta and how Nesta has done so much for Elain. Nesta had never even told Elain she loved her. Ever. Which i think is telling about where they really stand. 

So let’s please stop acting like Elain owes Nesta everything under the sun because of all the things Nesta did for her. Their relationship was never deep. And while Nesta’s protectiveness stems from a place of love, is actually more detrimental to Elain and her overall growth, than it is good. And Elain has done the things she considered to be best for Nesta, and tried to show love her way. Which is equally unperfect. Because neither of them are perfect. 

[shyrose57]

2: At first? No. Ran was the first one who noticed when something was off but Ranbob brushed it off as him being tired. Though when he saw that his brother was still acting that way he kept checking in, til "Ranbob" eventually snapped at him one day, scaring and hurting Ran enough to get him to stop. His parents and Lias and Memi also noticed, but Lias and Memi didn't ask as often because Ran told them not too, and when Memi asked Ranbob gently told her its ok and to not worry. Lias was hesitant to accept this but eventually did, with Ranbob promising to tell him if something was wrong, a promise he sadly broke. Ranbob was close to his family, especially his younger siblings, and loved to play and study with them. He had a lot of friends at first that he played games with and joked around with. Though after he started to get out under more pressure and the introduction of Dream he got distant, lost all of his friends (even though he still cared for them), didn't play with Lias or Memi nearly as much, started skipping dinners and not talking to his parents or Ran. And when Dream was mostly and fully in control, he stopped talking at all, and ignored everyone. Lias desperately tried to get him to talk but that just resulted in a harsh stare with a silent promise, Memi tried to hug him, which he then pushed her away, and when Ran tried one last time to talk to him, but "Ranbob" just punched him and walked away. When his parents tried one very last time to intervene, that's when it got fatal. The Gladiators where horrified at what they read, finding it hard to believe and making them sick to their stomach. Benjamin caught them reading it, though he simply sadly smiled at them and said, "I read it too. Its horrible isn't it? He didn't deserve to go through that. But we'll help him. We'll help him be free and be himself again, I promise you, and everyone else. We'll save him." They felt like they where staring at a ghost, it was unnerving, to see such a happy and young Ranbob, knowing what will happen to him that will wipe him clean of all happiness. And it felt disrespectful when they caught sights of Ranya, Seth, Lias, and Memi. Cause they never knew them, and now they where looking into the such happy and gleeful eyes of dead people who don't know the torture their son and brother is going through. (And that went for everyone)

3: This is literally Ran's mentally when it comes to being stabbed, "I've been stabbed multiple times before and I haven't died. Therefor, I am immortal." Yes he is :). He gets threatened with Benjamin because if Benjamin finds out he isn't eating or sleeping Benjamin will force him to eat every bite of a full meal and force him to go to bed, sitting next to him and reading to him until he falls asleep. Which sounds nice, but considering Ranbob doesnt want to "bother" them, its a threat to him. Raq will always cause problems, he's a expert tracker and because of that he's able to hunt the groups down. He often will pop out of nowhere and attack the group, chasing them down until someone turns around and attacks him. Often Ran attacks him by looking Raq directly in his eyes, causing him to flee. Cause even though Raq wants to get Ran, he knows very well if they make eye contact he will lose a battle no matter what he does, so its best to run and attempt to blind him at a later point. Ran his very happy to be on the road again, and if Ranbob wasn't there (who's keeping Ran on edge and preventing him from fully enjoying the trip, though its mostly just Ran doing it to himself), he would be non-stop talking and running ahead of the group. But even with Ranbob there he's happy to finally be moving again. 

4: The gladiators did not witness it first hand, rather they heard screaming and went to check it out, worried and alarmed. And when Ranbob went into the depressive state did Benjamin come over to them and explain what was going on and what was going to happen. When then Jackie offered to help keep Ranbob company while Grievous and Watson offered to go along with Cletus to find Ran. When they heard the scream Jackie was scared and nervous, Grievous was anxious and on edge, Watson was calm yet curious, and Ran was mad and on edge. And when they found out what happened, Jackie felt bad and sympathetic, Grievous felt sad and a bit guilty, Watson was sympathetic and felt bad for him, and Ran was pissed. 

5: Isaac and Benjamin just kinda accepted it and went "Yes he is like a lost puppy and we love him for that.", Charles was embarrassed and instead of responding properly he muttered out an excuse and left, cause he was not expecting to be confronted with Ranbob being like a puppy at all and didn't know how to respond, and Cletus just stuck his tounge out and blew raspberries. And Ranbob was just purely embarrassed. 

6: Actually first thing Ranbob got when he arrived to the fishermen house was wrapped up in multiple fluffy blankets and had a hot chocolate shoved in his hands. Also whenever he goes into a depressive episode or wants to go back the fishermen just bring out emergency blankets and quickly make either hot chocolate or tea and Ranbob loves it every single time. 

7: Ranbob is mixed, he loves it being back as it reminds him of such good times, but it also doesn't feel right when Charles says it because Ran was the one who made it. It only sounds right when Ran says it. Ran is angry that Ranbob is letting someone else call him Bobby (which he is also sad about), but is also mad that he's mad that someone else is using it. But he's also happy its being used again, and is happy to see Ranbob still enjoys it. Grievous of course notices it, but doesnt look into it, and so does Watson but he also doesn't ask about it, determing it to be something the brothers themselves have to talk about. 

8:Because if it was Porkius or literally anyone else, they wouldn't of helped and would've watched happily as the two fought, waiting until one fell and even encouraging the fight. But they also jumped into the area from the stands and Cletus specifically placed himself between the two, pushing Ran back and yelling at him (which rarely anyone does) when Benjamin then came up to try to calm the raging enderman down, while Charles checked on Ranbob, and Isaac kept look out for any sudden movements between the two so he could intercept the potential attack. Plus when Isaac saw the other group approaching he ran to meet them, asking if they knew Ran and when they said yes, quickly stating a plan to safely restrain Ran long enough until Ranbob was taken to safety. Then leaving Ran to the group, but also saying how he wanted to talk later. 

10: Sounds like the certain town just may be the ruins of the Greater SMP. So I'll probably have Wilburs Decendent (which I dont currently have a name for, if anyone has one please feel free to suggest one!) As a popular performer there and also the towns historian, so when our groups get there Wilbur is able to provide information about Dream, Ranboo, basically everyone and the history of the SMP. Most likely going be a part of the story when Ran truly starts to slowly believe that his brother didn't meant to do everything he did. 

11: Yep, he knows Ranboo used to have bad memory (not how bad it was, just that it was bad) but he's never read it because Mizu never had the actual book, it was only told in tales and stories that Mizu had. If that makes sense. Ranbob will get plenty more hugs I promise you, though that also means he gets hurt more. 

12: Kinda but also cause I enjoy writing angst. 

Ok ok here's some fluff: These all take place a good week or 2 (or longer) after Ran forgives his brother and the relationship gets better. Watson walks in on the two sharing a blanket and sleeping against eachother. With them leaning on eachother and leaving almost no space between them. Ran finally calls Ranbob Bobby again and Ranbob cries and hugs his brother tightly, Ran is shocked but quickly hugs back just as tightly. Ranbob gets to finally pull a big brother move and tease Ran about his "nerdy" habit of reading so many books, Ran tries to fire back that Ranbob literally picked a idol that requires you to be a bookworm but he simply shoots back that Technoblade also requires you to be a bookworm. Its been spotted multiple times of either Ran or Ranbob having their tail wrapped around his brothers wrist or leg, and the two aren't very far apart now. Jackie jokes about being replaced by Ranbob and being heartbroken, basically draping himself over Ran and whining while everyone else laughs at Rans distress. Ran and Ranbob eventually agree to merge their two hauntings, which is extremely rare and is the biggest sign of trust and love there is in enderman language. Ran reads to Ranbob one night after a bad relapse, which ends up soothing Ranbob much sooner than anything else. 

I also have a more mythical idea of fluff that probably wont be in the main story, but im willing to share it if you want. 

2: Only his family noticed? Dang, okay. I’m irrationally attached to his siblings now that they have names, and this only hurts me. Do the gladiators have any noticeable changes in behavior towards Ranbob and Ran after reading it? Also, who may Ranya and Seth be? I don’t believe I saw them mentioned earlier.

3: Technically, he’s right. He hasn’t died yet, anon, and he’s been stabbed multiple times, he could very well be immortal. I guess he should probably do his best to not get stabbed again though, I hear it’s kind of bad for you. 

Ranbob: *Not doing something he should do for his own health*

Benjamin: *Self Care But As A Threat(Gently)*

Ranbob:

Ranbob: *Does it*

Also, even though I acknowledge that Raq could be a genuine threat, all I can imagine are Team Rocket shenanigans. He keeps trying to blind him in various, complicated ways, and fails hilariously. One time he actually manages to do it only for Jackie to take him out or for him to turn around and accidentally look Ranbob straight in the eyes cause the poor hybrid was trying to knock him out without a fight.

4: Yikes, that must have been pretty scary, just hearing everything go down. If I may ask, what exactly happened with Ranbob? You said there was screaming?

5: Well, at least everyone’s come to terms with it. Ran uses people as tote bags, and Ranbob is the local puppy, and it is what it is.

6: Very good! He needs it! Also, do they just keep them on hand? Just-he looks a tiny bit sad and Benjamin pulls blanket and tea out of thin air and burritos him. 

7: Aww. But also, ouch. Oh well. At least we can get Ran eventually picking the nickname up again.

8: Oh? Interesting. Sounds like these guys are pretty quick on their feet. I can see why it’d impress the gladiators.

10: That? Sounds so cool? Oh, I really like that honestly, I can’t wait to see where you take that.

11: Neat. Is that where he got the idea for his diary, or? And why? Why must we suffer in order to take comfort from the kinder things in life? Why can’t Ranbob just have hugs without pain? 

12: Did you genuinely just admit to aiming for my feelings with that last one?! Anon, how could you! I’ve been injured! My heart, Anon! 

13: AWWWW. To all of this. So fluffy, and cute! Just what we needed, thank you! Also, more fluff, you say? Please share, we need all the fluff we can get.

Have a good week, Brothers Anon, and thank you for the lovely fluff, and equally lovely pain. I’m excited for more!

[honestlyhufflepuff]

Here are 20 reasons I am leaving the caregiver job with the client I've had since 2008: a list of unprofessional behavior and abuse by my client's guardian.

1. She said I wasn't Christian anymore, and said I was disrespecting my mother, for leaving the church I was raised in.

2. During the first year of employment, she would yell at me multiple times a week over things like leaving a lamp on (this is while I was caring for her medically fragile, high needs adult daughter). She would accuse me of being incompetent or trying to get fired for unemployment.

3. She told me I was not approved off for my honeymoon, less than a month beforehand, when I gave her over 5 months notice with consistent reminders. She harassed me over several texts while I was on my honeymoon saying I would be fired if I did not return a week earlier than I was supposed to.

4. She told me I still had to come in when I was sick and vomiting because she did not believe me. I became dehydrated and was vomiting so much that I had uncontrollable dry heaving and was unable to drive home. She refused to come home early when I told her of my symptoms, and when she did come home to see me retching into her trash can, she started handing me cleaning supplies to disinfect the trash can and the entire bathroom before I went to the emergency room...

5. ...there was no apology or ownership in forcing a sick employee to work to the point of needing to be hospitalized. She would not accept that I could not come into work for the next 3 days until my husband delivered the doctor's note.

6. I worked there throughout college, and would present my new school schedule each semester. For one class, I made the mistake of scheduling it after work. She said the schedule worked with her, but then consistently got home 30 min to and hour late. I missed so many classes that I had to withdraw.

7. Even after the hospitalization mentioned in #3, she would continue to be skeptical of any time I called in sick over the years (which wasn't often). I had no PTO or sick leave to use even when I was full time, so when I took off I didn't get paid. I was never approved to take off for any reason, and when I did take off it was accompanied by a massive guilt trip about how I was putting her family in a bind. It did not matter if it was a vacation, an illness, a doctor's appointment, or a family emergency. It also did not matter how much or little notice I gave; the guilt trips and emotional manipulation still accompanied any time I needed off. To this day, with every job I've had, I am always incredibly anxious about asking off, but it's never been a problem anywhere else I've worked.

8. Emotionally manipulative things she has said to get me to stay:

-"We don't have anyone else. I have to go to my job in order to care for [client's name]. You would be jeopardizing my job by leaving, and her well being." (If pressed she eventually admits to not looking for anyone else)

-"[Client's name] loves you like a sister, and her quality of life would go down significantly without you..." continues to tell me that if I don't do what she wants then I don't love or care for the client, even if it is because I need a job with higher pay and benefits to support my own family.

-"I thought the two of us were friends. This is very selfish of you." (Any time I don't do what she wants, like continuing to go to school full time).

-"God has put her in your life for a reason. You are called as spiritual sisters. It's your responsibility to care for her."

-"In the real world-the business world- other people won't be ok with you just taking off without approval. It's insubordinate and unprofessional." I was only 18 when she told me this, and young enough to believe her. Once again, I've literally never had a problem taking off with any other client or job because I often had PTO, and was always able to obtain leave approval easily. Even when it meant the client parent had to take off from work, they understood that the onus was on them to find the needed staff to account for people needing sick days and vacation.

9. She puts me in the middle of personal drama, constantly bad-mouthing the client's father and other attendants (who all inevitably leave after a year or two at most).

10. Told me, after a decade of infertility, that God told her I would become pregnant and have a son I was to name Amos. She said it would only become true if I prayed about it, so now when I most likely don't become pregnant, I feel it will be blamed on my lack of faith- or the fact that I am a different faith from her. I feel this instance was truly out of good intention, but ultimately unprofessional and something I would have preferred she keep to herself.

11. For years, she never got home when she said she would. I could never make plans after work because she would agree to come home at 7 and sometimes not make it home until 8:30. She always blamed traffic, needing to run an errand, or her boss keeping her. Then, when I had my own child I had to pick up from an after school program, she consitently got home on time. This showed me that she did have the executive functioning skills to be on time, but did not respect my personal time or work with other clients enough to do so before I was a parent.

12. I bent over backwards trying to help her. I scheduled less time with higher paying clients that were lower need. I sometimes worked 60 hour weeks while I was also in school. It never felt like it was enough. Even for the time I was working there 6 hours a week it was always "Why can't you stay later? Where do you have to be?" The more I gave, the more was expected, and then I was guilted for not meeting that higher expectation.

13. She refused to take the time to have team meetings with other service providers and caregivers, despite the fact all my other client families do this, and keep staff much more consistently as a result. Because of this, information and instructions were always inconsistent. With the client being significantly behaviorally challenged and medically fragile, this was at everyone's detriment.

14. Over the years, I referred 3 friends to work for her because she insisted she could not find caregivers on her own. All 3 of them lasted less than a year due to her behavior. She would then blame them and trash talk them to me, despite knowing I was still friends with them.

15. She expected caregivers to also deep clean the house. We are talking hours worth of work, that there just was not time for within the shift while also meeting the needs of the client.

16. She is openly homophobic, xenophobic, and although she thinks of herself as "not racist," she was extremely weird towards my besf friend's African fiancé. She refused to shake his hand and told me she didn't think he was with her for the "right reasons." Maybe thought he was in it for a green card? She seemed skeptical when I told her that he became a citizen 2 years prior, and that they'd been dating 6 years.

17. She has systematically isolated my adult client more and more over the years. We used to share many interests in things like Harry Potter, early 2000's pop, anime, Harajuku fashion, Adventure Time, Steven Universe, etc. One by one, everything we bonded over was off limits, due to being a "bad influence" or "demonic." She is no longer allowed to engage in any age-expected media unless it is explicitly Christian, and it breaks my heart to see how sad she gets about that.

18. When I was in college, and completely broke after just paying for books and classes, she said that she wanted me to go to the water park with her and the client. Admission was $50. I assumed she was paying since I was being required to go for work, and this was always what was done in the past. In the car, I asked if I could ride a roller coaster that the client wouldn't be able to go on while they ate ice cream. She said "Sure! You can ride whatever you like!"

So, I start getting excited. We're chatting pleasantly until the moment when she says "OK, when we get out of the car, you can go pay for your ticket first, and then I will bring..."

My stomach dropped. I told her there was a misunderstanding, and that I could not afford my ticket. She acted like it wasn't right that she should have to pay for mine. I told her that if she didn't want to, then I could study at the Starbucks across the street while they attended the park. She said no, because obviously she still wanted my help with her daughter. She paid for my ticket, making passive aggressive comments the whole time about everything I did, from how I pushed the wheelchair to how long I took to go to the bathroom despite the line.

I was no longer permitted to go ride the roller coaster, and I sat in silence while they ate their ice cream.

19. Recently, due to Covid, I do not have child care for my own daughter on Fridays. I have been bringing her to work with me, which my client's mom was supportive of. Then the client had drastic behavioral changes that I won't detail, but that O can say was significantly stressful on my daughter, and made it stressful for me to manage both of them at the same time. I told the mother, 2 weeks in advance, that I could not come in on Fridays until the behavior was consistently resolved. I do not want to get a sitter outside of maybe my aunt, due to covid, and I wouldn't expect her to do that every week. My client's mom was very understanding of this at first, seeing as we both now have special needs children, but the night before the next Friday I was scheduled to come in she berated me for not finding babysitting to the point that I started to panic. I firmly told her that I gave her plenty of notice, and then blocked her number up until the day I was scheduled to come back in.

20. When she is home at the same time I am helping her daughter, she micromanages everything. I think she is incapable of just letting me do the same work I've been doing for over a decade without standing over my shoulder and looking for something wrong.

Some background info:

I wanted to write this, first of all, to document all the reasons that I am justified in leaving, so that I can refer back to it no matter how hard she tries to get me to stay. This is like my anonymous way of getting it off my chest since no one who follows me on here knows me irl. Second of all, I want all the young professionals on here to know that, if they are treated like this in the work place, it is ok to leave!

I started working for this family when I was 18, and I am now 31. I have worked as many as 60 hour weeks, and as little as twice a month when I was full time with the state, but I have always cared for her in some capacity since 2008. I am currently working 15-20 hours a week with her.

You may wonder why I've stayed so long, and in regards to that I will say first of all that abusive relationships are hard to leave. The abuser may convince you that you are bad and won't find anywhere else good enough to take you. This can pertain to any type of relationship, be it romantic, professional, parental, or friends.

Another factor is that I love my client deeply, and my employer takes advantage of that. We grew up childhood friends, which is one reason maintaining professional boundaries with this family has been so hard.

The last reason I have stayed may be the hardest to explain, but I will try.

Sometimes she is good. My employer has made improvements over the years. Most of the worst things on here happened when I was in college. I don't know if her improvement is due to a genuine change in heart, or because she knows deep down that her behavior is why all the other caregivers left.

Whatever the reason, we do actually care for each other. We do actually connect and have a good time. She is kind to my husband and my daughter. She often tells me that I am a godsend to her family, a loyal and talented caregiver, and the best friend her daughter has ever had (although she will contradict this the moment I am not doing what she wants).

What I want people in similar situations to know is that the good moments do not erase the trauma of the bad ones. It is not my responsibility to "get over it" because she is trying to do better. A lot of the stuff she has said and done run too deep, and when she lapses into her old ways, I find myself reacting in a panic-driven, irritable way that's not really me. It's a reaction to trauma. I am not required to continue to stay at an underpaid job with an environment that evokes such emotions.

So please, if you are being treated like this in your job, then leave. You will find something else. For me, I intend to have another job lined up before leaving, but I'm on my way. For the first time in years, I've revamped my resumé, and it felt so empowering to work on a document that highlights my strengths!

For anyone in a similar position, you've got this. There are a lot of great jobs out there. There are a lot of humane employers. If you are treated like this, then label it for what it is. It is abuse. It is unhealthy. It is not ok. It is not erased by the times they are nice. And you deserve better.

[yuugami-tan]

cw: car accident, death

little brother called me today!!! conversation went how it usually goes. he's doing...okay. we're both really really tired.

i've been reading all the articles i can find about the accident. some say "killed" and some say "died." people die when they are killed lol. sorry. my uncle (cousin's dad) said he was told that the car was speeding and it hit a ditch, and then it flew and then it crashed. my cousin was dead at the scene. the whole accident is one of the few things that occupies my mind now heh. can't stop picturing what might've happened.

i'm annoyed though. they spelled her last name wrong in one of the articles and it pissed me off haha. that's our family name. how dare you disrespect us like that.

anyway, the driver is doing okay. they had some minor injuries, but they're okay. i don't feel any resentment toward them anymore. i'm glad they're alive. i can't imagine how they must be feeling though.

the other passenger went from critical to serious condition. i'm just hoping for the best, whatever that is now.

my family and i aren't doing too good honestly? idk. my dad's having a really hard time and my mom texts her siblings nonstop to get every single update she can. i'm in charge of providing emotional support and staying strong for them and it's beyond exhausting. i'm in grief too, you know? i'm in grief and i want to give up on every fucking thing. but because i'm still doing my schoolwork and because i'm the only one not crying all the time i have to be the beacon of light (i'll never put that responsibility on my sister). so i feel really numb. and i've already lost most of the weight i just gained back.

my sister's okay though!!! she didn't know our cousin too well anyway, but she's stressed out about our parents which i get. our dogs have been helping out a lot though...sweetest things.

my aunt + uncle (cousin's parents) got home yesterday and they said the front of their house was filled with flowers and candles. the community they live in is super close knit. everyone knows everyone. everyone knows my cousin and i'm glad. i hope everyone's okay.

i found a text my cousin sent me in january. it was a picture of the ugliest bird i has ever seen, and that was it. i don't know if i want to delete it or not, it's SO ugly. but seeing her name feels really really weird.

i guess i'll just keep thinking about it.

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Weird “The Cuteness Principal”

Hey guys, just wanted to get something small and fun out for this week. It isn’t very long, but I hope it’s funny, and you enjoy it :) 

The Intergalactic Journal of Behavioral Psychology and Neurobiology 

Humanity survives just like any other species. The Biological imperative demands that they continue their species through offspring.  All species have this imperative ,though it is shown in different ways. For the Vrul, a sense of duty and logic evolved to tell them offspring was necessary; for the Rundi, the maturation of offspring is inevitable and not up to them in the first place. However, for humans the issue is a bit tougher to understand, for if you know anything about human offspring you know that they are helpless, loud, smelly, slimy, and generally unpleasant requiring years of parental care before they are capable of taking care of themselves. However, evolution created an ingenious way to not only keep humans from murdering their offspring out of frustration, but to make them WANT offspring. 

This need is known as the “Cuteness Principle”. We don’t completely understand it, but we know that certain physical characteristics cause the release of the pleasure chemical “dopamine” in the human brain.  Generally humans are rather bad dealing with these feelings and can react with perceived aggression, or feigned sadness. The two most common feelings include the desire to squeeze the cute thing or the over-exaggerated “awwwww” noise.

Now, only humans can accurately confirm what is cute, but we generally find things with large eyes, big heads, and small noses will do the trick. Unfortunately humans can also find inanimate objects cute. By utilizing the inverse size to width ratio, you can make an object cute to a human; that is if you make something stubby and fat a human will probably think it’s cute.

Anything that fits under this category is likely to attract human attention and the overwhelming desire to protect or take care of whatever it is.  

“Alright everyone, now remember, the GA reports say the Celzex are a very proud warrior race and have easily offended honor. It is important that we remember to treat them with respect, difference, and maybe a little bit of awe or fear, you know to boost their egos.” Commander Vir said adjusting the captain’s cap atop his head and straightening out his uniform.

In deference to this new, and proud warrior race, they had all donned their most formal garb. The Commander wore his uniform complete with cords, gloves, and ribbons while Sunny had done her ceremonial Drev armor. Krill didn’t wear clothes, so he just came as is. A couple of the marines and a few members of the bridge crew trailed behind that, all dressed to impress.

The Galactic Assembly had sent them ahead of the main envoy to meet with the Celzex under the impression that the two warrior races of humans and Drev would be best equipped to deal with this new race.

Together, they stopped just outside the conference room and made a few last minute adjustments to their uniforms. Most, if not everyone, eyed the door wondering what they would find behind it. Images of six foot tall monsters stuck with spines and mouths lined with glistening teeth. 

Commander Vir took a quick, deep breath, and then pressed the button at the side of the door which slid open with a hydraulic hiss. He stepped forward single eye scanning around the room, and then immediately froze, “Sweet mother of…… aw-” A hand dropped onto his shoulder squeezing painfully to cut him off before he could continue.

Commander Vir turned to look up at Sunny, who had stopped him, his eyes were wrinkled in an imploring expression. Behind him, the other humans were filing into the room only to freeze in their tracks. Together their heads tilted, their shoulders bunched, and, despite having the prudence to keep silent, mouthing long and drawn out awwwws to each other.

Sunny had only ever seen this reaction on a couple of occasions usually involving small animals, and tiny human offspring. 

For the commander’s part, he was able to keep his mouth shut only with some difficulty as he fought back the desire to pick one up and hold it, to squeeze it. It was just…. Too adorable.

The proud warrior race of the Celzex where about two feet tall at most constructed out of a colorful ball of fluff, with comparatively large feet and tiny toes. On its torso, which also acted as it’s head, it had a sort of piggish snout, massive wide eyes and a floppy pair of pig-like ears atop its head.

Commander Vir looked back at Sunny with a near pleading expression.

She shook her head at him as if to warn him that it would not be prudent to cuddle the delegation party.

One of the adorable creatures stood just then and marched over to where they stood. It’s feet were so large, that it was forced to walk with a rather floppy waddle. It wasn’t slow mind you, they actually looked quite nimble, but the walk definitely did not help. Sunny kept a hand on the Commander’s shoulder as he fought tooth and claw against his own instincts to squat down and ask the creature it’s name in his sweetest baby voice, used for dogs, and small children.

The creature stopped at his feet and looked up expectantly large eyes narrowed.

The human fought down another aww face, and snapped his hand to a salute, “L-” He cleared his throat here facial muscles twitching aggressively as he tried to maintain a serious face, “Lord Celex, I am Commander Vir of the UNSC and adjunct representative to the Galactic Assembly. We welcome you aboard our ship. Is there anything we may provide you during your stay?” 

Lord Celex glowered up at the commander with one eye closed slightly more than the other. The effect was….. Probably not what Lord Celex had intended. Commander Vir’s mouth twitched, and his chin trembled. Sunny commended his efforts to fight back a smile.

He was clearly fighting a losing battle.

“We require none of your frivolities human. We are here to speak business though I warn you we will not tolerate disrespect from you or any of your men.” Though his voice was relatively normal through the translating software in their implants, they could still hear the high pitched yipping noises that were its real language. 

Glancing over her shoulder she found similar reactions on the other humans. One of the marine’s eyes widened and he had to turn away covering his mouth with a hand.

There was a multitude of biting lips, staring at the ceiling, and downright smiling as they failed to hold their composure.

One of the marines stared ravenously forward with a hungry expression as if she planned on gathering them up in her arms and formally adopting them as her fuzzy children.

Commander Vir walked up to the table and pulled out a chair, “Shall we begin discussions then…. my …. Lord.” He tugged at the collar of his uniform, and Sunny watched the small creature stand taller. She realized with some amusement that his Lord probably thought the human was nervous…. Intimidated by his impressive stature and soldierly bearing.

Lord Celex and his followers refused to ask for smaller chairs, and in so doing they spent at least ten minutes watching as the creatures climbed onto the chairs, with some difficulty. Commander Vir fought heroically against a smile as the warlord scooted, wormed, and inched his way onto the chair using his face to balance himself before standing up.

Another marine looked onward as if he was just aching to go over and help them, or even to just hold one for a few seconds. The reactions about the table were similar, hands were rung, faces fought against their natural inclinations. Smiles erupted only to be covered by hands.

Sunny had never seen such longing on the face of any creature before. 

It was almost heartbreaking to watch.

And it only got worse once the Celzex decided to explain their war practices to the humans. Though the Celzex had, somehow, managed to build ships and travel the universe, they also had no hands, so war, or dueling involved standing about ten feet apart from each other then running headlong into each other. Whoever fell over, or was knocked out lost and was forced to forfeit. This may have been manageable to control if they hadn’t brought videos to ‘demonstrate their might’.

Krill, standing off to the side, worried that the humans might just erupt. Trying to hold back laughter like that couldn’t have been healthy. A marine at the far end of the table struggled so hard his face was red, his body shook, and tears streamed from one of his eyes hand over his mouth as he fought desperately to keep quiet.

Commander Vir utterly failed to keep the smile from his face grinning madly hands clutched tightly on his lap.

Others of the marines clasped their hands as well held up to their chests with doting expressions.

Sunny found herself grateful that the Celzex appeared not to be able to read the human facial expressions. She was, however, forced to fight off a laugh. Coming from a true warrior race these practices were more than laughable.

“You see that we are not averse to war. Our people are mighty warriors and have been for thousands of years. You would do well to respect us, human! If the Galactic Assembly wishes to ally themselves with our might they must be willing to give us the respect we deserve. Is that clear.”

“Of course…. Lord Celex, the assembly will honor you wishes to- to the best of-its-abilities.” His voice had raised a few octaves straining against the baby voice, and a fit of laughter. The muscles about his mouth worked furiously to control himself, and he stood quickly saluting the creature again, “Forgive our quick exit… m-my Lord.” his voice was so tight by the end of this Krill worried that his larynx would blow apart with the pressure

Lord Celex waved a foot dismissively at the humans who were hurriedly rushed form the room, looking over their shoulders and back towards the Celzex with expressions of longing so profound Sunny worried she would have to tackle them.

Out in the hallway the humans were silent as they hurried up the hallway and away from the conference room. Once they were at a sufficient distance, the entire group of them burst into rochus laughter. Leaning against the walls, and sinking to the ground they were practically crying.

Through tears one of the marines lifted his hand and waved it about, “I am…. Lord Celex...f-fear my wrath.” 

“I will destroy you with the power of cuddles!” more laughter 

“But seriously guys can we just talk about HOW CUTE THEY ARE!” The sentiment was chorused. “I just want to hold one so bad.” One of the humans pouted looking down at their empty hands sadly.

Commander Vir leaned against the wall, “That was the hardest thing I have ever done…. I just wanted to…. To squeeze it ...”

“So fluffy!” one of the other humans moaned.

Sunny had a feeling it might be prudent to send a different negotiating team next time. The humans had been valiant in their efforts, but they had been defeated profoundly by lord Celex. If things came to a war, she feared for their safety simply because the humans would be more likely to snuggle the creatures than to make war with them. 

[jonathanvik]

Starlight Dream - Chapter 1

The slop squelched onto Seina's plate. Pieces of her dinner splashed onto her plain blue dress, staining it. Not that the server cared, glaring at her to keep moving. The workers only had two twenty-minute breaks in their thirteen-hour day. The servers tolerated no dillydallying, especially from rambunctious young girls like her.

Seina kept her head down and kept moving, else she draw more attention to herself. She'd have to spend some time before bed cleaning it. By rule, the higher-ups allowed the workers only one outfit.

Her parents waved her over, and Seina joined them. Before the darkness, her father had worked at an insurance firm as a salaryman. Years of hard labor and ill nutrition had left him gaunt and bony, losing most of his hair during the process. Despite this, he kept a positive attitude. Her father never stopped smiling, always saying there was a silver lining behind anything. Seina wasn't sure what silver lining existed to a life with a 78-hour workweek of menial labor, and being fed food even dogs would be reluctant to eat. Still, she appreciated the encouragement.

"Oh dear, did you receive a stain, Seina?" Seina's mother said as she approached the grimy rusty table her family sat around. While somewhat plain, the matronly woman wore a face people instinctively trusted. "I'll ask around to see if I can get an extra detergent ration. Can't have the taskmasters seeing my daughter walk around in soiled clothes." Like her father, her mother was also always smiling. It made Seina feel guilty for being miserable most days.

Not that they really had days anymore. Thick smoke covered the sky, making even the sunniest days hazy and ugly. The masters' power had ensured the sun would never shine again.

Seina gave the nearest taskmaster a nervous sideways glance. Pointed teeth glistened from under his lips, marking him as the monster he was. She gave him a respectful nod, not showing an ounce of disrespect. She'd seen people staked for less. Their boss enjoyed twisting people into grotesque art pieces to mock their human workers. For the majority of Seina's ten-year existence, vampires had dominated the world.

Somehow, Seina got her stomach to agree with the slop they'd served her. Her parents weren't as picky, happily sipping away at their meal. After another tentative bite, an interruption caught her attention, making her blood turn cold. A high-ranking vampire had entered their eating area, a black silk cape flowing behind him. They were never a good sign.

"Attention. The Dark Lord is looking for volunteers for tonight's entertainment, and you're the lucky bunch, 2-B!" The man gave them a cruel smile. "Come this way. I'd advise not to keep Master Lothaire waiting."

Fear rooted Seina's feet in place, knowing the likely fate which awaited them. She'd seen it often enough. Master Lothaire loved making them watch his entertainments. Her father put a comforting hand on her shoulder, wearing a bright smile.

"Don't worry dear. Most groups come back alive afterward. They can't afford to kill entire scores of us. They'll pick a few and leave the rest alone."

Her mother nodded in agreement, also wearing a wide, encouraging smile. "He's right, Seina. I better take care of that stain. Have to look our best for the vampire lord! How's my hair look?"

"Just smashing honey!" Her father replied. "You'll knock them dead!"

Her mother blushed. "Stop it!"

While not as optimistic, Seina got her feet moving. She joined the others in her workgroup towards Master Lothaire's favorite colosseum, allowing the head vampire to shackle her.

"What a dreary place!" Colten said, examining the strange new world he'd found himself in. He flew high into the smoky area, examining everything with interest. What a terrible place to find himself. The people looked shabby, dressed in rags. Their living conditions seemed little better. Most buildings were either dilapidated or empty. The fear behind the human's eyes broke his tiny heart. Something terrible had happened here.

As he scanned his surroundings, something caught his eye. Were those people in chains? Dark creatures were guiding their captives towards one of the few well-maintained buildings in the city. It was a massive dome-like building and, unlike most structures, had bright flashing lights. From the captive's expressions, most believed they were going to die. It shocked him to see children among them.

Colten screamed in frustration. What could he do? His power was limited, drained from his trip, and he was only a tiny fairy. Dark energy spilled from the people's captors. They were powerful creatures of pure darkness. The evil intensified when he looked towards the shining dome. He sensed great malice there.

"Darn it!" He looked towards the scared people again and made a decision. Moments later, he flew towards the colosseum, praying he could do something.

People packed the stadium. They bumped and jostled Seina as she attempted to walk through them. Master Lothaire must have called everyone in the Osaka district to attend his games. The vampire elite were jeering and having fun, watching the helpless, terrified humans with amusement. One grabbed a random passerby, and Seina looked away, not wishing to see what happened next. She'd heard and seen enough to know the rest.

The entire building was a testament to the master of humanity's power. Statues of people wearing expressions of agonizing pain decorated the walls. Rumors said they were actual people, turned to stone through a vampire's power during their death throes and maybe even still suffering. The details on them gave some unsettling credence to this theory.

Soon they reached a large circular room with countless bleachers, each occupied by a vampire eager for tonight's festivities. Master Lothaire himself sat on a throne of ivory, looking down upon his domain from the balcony. The vampire lord was handsome beyond words, taking Seina's breath away, despite knowing his true monstrous nature. The proof hung around his neck. He wore a necklace of skulls, each of a world leader he'd killed after taking their country for his own. In the throne beside him sat Lilha, his queen. She also shared her husband's inhuman beauty, only her eyes betrayed her lack of humanity, and Seina shivered when they shared a glance. She was only a toy Lilha would enjoy before throwing away.

"Welcome, friends!" Master Lothaire said. Despite not raising his voice, Seina could hear him despite the distance. "Tonight marks the fifth anniversary of my conquest of the world. In honor of that victory, I've provided entertainment and games for all to enjoy. Eat, drink, and be merry! For this kingdom will last a thousand years and beyond!" The vampire crowd broke into uproarious cheering and applause.

Seina's legs shook. This was worse than she'd first suspected. The odds of survival seemed almost impossible. She calmed down somewhat when her father put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry, we'll get through this." Her father said, wearing a warm smile.

"Our first entertainment will be a favorite of mine, a battle to the death!" Master Lothaire said, continuing. "Against your favorite and mine, Dreven the Unkillable!"

Bar doors opened in the fighter's pit, revealing a shirtless vampire. Unlike most of his kind, this vampire had a powerfully built body, seeming more alive than his undead kin. He played to the crowd, who gave him cheers and tossed him decayed flowers.

_Wow, Dreven the Unkillable. I feel sorry for anyone who's going to face him. He's never lost a fight, ever. _Wasn't his win count eight thousand to zero or something?

"And his opponent will be a volunteer from worker group 2-B!" Master Lothaire said, surprising Seina out of her pondering.

_This is so bad! _That meant someone she'd know for most of her life would soon die. It was too horrible to even consider. The girls in her division openingly wept, almost terrified beyond reason. Uncle Kenji offered brave words, but they fell on deaf ears.

"No need to rush." A vampire dressed like a cheesy announcer, complete with a tacky polka-dot bow tie, said. "But if you don't volunteer soon, there will be consequences."

The captive humans remained silent, too frightened to do anything. The vampire announcer's annoyance grew by the moment.

"Still no response? Oh well." The announcer shrugged. "I'll make it easier for you. The fighter will come from chapter D. That simplifies things. You better choose quickly, or you will all die in one minute."

D? That was Seina's division. No, please no. Anything but that. Usually, divisions had five people, but 2-B was missing two. One died of exhaustion last week, and the other suffered a terrible mining accident.

It was too horrible to consider. Would this mean that... Seina yelped in surprise as someone pushed her forward, howling in pain as she landed face-first on the fighter's pit floor. She spat after getting some dirt into her mouth.

"Well, well! Looks like we have a volunteer!" The announcer said. The crowd burst into laughter.

"What? No!" Seina's eyes widened in horror. What had just happened? Who pushed her? She looked up to see her father with a hand extended outward.

"Dad?" Seina said, too stunned for words.

"Sorry honey, but it was either you or us!" Her father replied.

"Don't worry, Seina. We'll always remember you!" Her mother added.

"W-what?"

"We'll be sorry to see you go. But don't worry, we'll have a new daughter in your honor!" Her father continued.

Her mother gave an emphatic nod. "Yes, Seina is a beautiful name. I'm sure she'll love it!"

Seina just stared, unable to believe what just happened. The crowd broke into more laughter and cheers, and the vampire king gave a nod of approval.

"Silly child," Lothaire said. "Haven't you listened to my teachings? In this world, it's kill or be killed. Love is only a weakness. Your parents were right to sacrifice you."

"Yep, sorry dear, but he's right!" Her father said, nodding in agreement. "You should have known."

"Hopefully, the new Seina will be smarter." Her mother added.

"Bring out the weapons. This should be entertaining." Lothaire said.

"What?" The shock of her parents' betrayal still hadn't left her. Seina had trouble adjusting to the concept that they expected her to fight for life. "But I'm only a ten-year-old girl!"

Dreven smirked and shrugged. "Them's the breaks, kid." From the audience's expression, they would enjoy seeing her torn limb from limb. The humans, except her parents, looked away, not wishing to watch Seina's gruesome fate.

A vampire pulled a wide variety of weapons into the fighter's pit. They ranged from swords to guns. None looked light enough for a ten-year-old to wield. Seina broke into tears, beyond terrified, unable to even stand straight. She didn't want to die. How could this happen?

With an exaggerated swagger, Dreven walked over to the weapon rack and withdrew a sword larger than Seina's entire body. With his vampiric strength, it seemed like a toy in his hands.

Since fighting back was pointless, Seina closed her eyes, preparing for the end. She prayed it wouldn't be too painful.

"Please don't cry! Be strong!" A kind voice said, wiping the tears from her eyes.

Seina blinked through watery eyes, looking towards the kind stranger who comforted her in her final moments. She gasped in shock when she got a good look at them.

"You should be ashamed of yourselves, you jerks! You're the worst of the worst!" The strange creature said, berating the vampire horde.

Her rescuer was the purest white she'd ever seen. His head was bulbous, larger than his torso. The face somewhat resembled a cat, but with longer ears. Puffs of fur popped out from his enormous ears. Somehow, tiny wings supported the creature's weight, allowing him to fly around. He was also the cutest thing Seina had ever seen.

"What are you?" Seina asked in amazement, wondering if she was dreaming, or if the recent events had shattered her sanity.

"My name's Colten. And I refuse to allow this farce to continue any further!" The cat creature puffed out his chest.

"And what are you supposed to be?" Dreven said, pointing his enormous sword at the intruder.

"Um, just a fairy here to help." Despite his obvious fear, Colten refused to back down.

"A creature of good?" Lothaire snorted in derision. "How ridiculous. Another fool rushing to their death."

"He's right! You'll only get yourself killed!" Seina refused to allow someone else to die for her sake.

"No way!" Colten shook his enormous head only to scream in pain a few seconds later as Dreven struck him with the blunt edge of his enormous sword.

"Colten!" Seina rushed to her fallen friend's side. Thankfully, he only seemed bruised and not dead. A wing looked damaged, though. It seemed unlikely he could fly anytime soon.

"How adorable. Wanting to die together, I see." Dreven turned towards the announcer. "Hey, is it alright if the fairy joins the girl's side?"

The announcer gave a thumbs up. "Sounds like a plan!"

"Looks like we're in this together." Colten gave Seina a weak smile as she cradled him in her arms.

"Yeah." Tears dropped onto Colten's little head as Seina broke down.

She'd just made a friend, and he was now dying for her sake. Seina hugged him, holding him tight and began sobbing. The vampire crowd broke into mocking laughter, enjoying seeing this helpless girl suffer. Seina didn't care or even notice, focusing on her new friend instead. She supposed at least she wouldn't die alone. Seina held one of the fairy's legs as they waited for the end. Somehow, despite everything, some happiness bloomed in her heart. Seina was glad she'd met someone as wonderful as Colten.

"You're lucky, little girl. Two on one is much fairer odds." The vampire warrior broke into uproarious laughter. "Start the round already. I'm ready for some carnage!"

_This is it. _Seina cried out in pain and surprise as bright light blinded her, almost dropping Colten. The light faded, leaving a very confused Seina.

"What was that?"

"No way!" Colten said.

"What is it?" Colten's expression surprised Seina. Was that hope on his tiny face?

"Look down!" Colten pointed towards a strange object that hadn't been there before. Seina grabbed it without even thinking, turning it around in her hand. It was a pink-colored diamond-encrusted brooch.

"It's so pretty." Seina had seen nothing so beautiful in her life. It made the splendor the vampire lord surrounded himself with seem dull in comparison.

"You're a magical girl, Seina? I don't believe it! I'd thought only a special few could become one!" Colten was ranting, speaking at speeds almost impossible to understand. "This is amazing, spectacular!"

"What? Magical girl? What are you talking about?"

The tiny fairy's expression turned smug. "It means we can wipe the floor with these vampire creeps!"

Dreven snorted in derision. "Really?"

"I'm not following." Seina was beyond lost. How could a brooch allow her to fight? Blind the vampire to death?

"Hold you brooch up into the air and yell, Change Change, Magical Love Dress Up!"

"Okay." While certain it would make her appear ridiculous, she'd try anything at this point.

Seina stood up and gave Dreven a determined glare. She sent another one towards the vampire king himself. If this gave her power, she'd put an end to this nightmare herself. "Change Change, Magical Love Dress Up!"

Bright light engulfed Seina, and her entire body glowed a transparent blue. In a flash, everything about her body changed. Her short black hair extended into two long, luxurious braids. The bland rags she wore transformed into a pink frilly dress with a short skirt. The elaborate new costume gave Seina the vague impression of the long-dead lotus flower she'd seen in old books. A large yellow bow was across her chest, and her brooch stood in its center.

Colten laughed. "I knew it! You are a magical girl!"

"Huh?" Seina blinked and looked down at herself, both amazed and baffled.

"That's the terrible power that will destroy us all?" Dreven broke into mocking laughter, and the other vampires joined him. Lothaire chuckled, sipping at his wine. His wife only looked confused.

"That was disappointing. I was hoping for something more exciting!" Seina's mom pipped it.

"How am I meant to fight with this?" Seina gestured to herself. Except for her new pretty outfit, she didn't feel any different. How could a simple dress protect her from bloodthirsty monsters?

"What do you mean? You can totally floor him now!" Colten argued back with far more confidence than she felt. "Hold out your hand and focus. You can summon your special weapon that way."

_A special weapon! That might change this situation around! _Seina did as instructed, and a long staff appeared in her hand. Attached to its end, was a bubble blower?

Dreven snorted. "That's your great weapon?"

"Yeah! What the heck!" This magical girl deal was a rip-off!

"Well, with that mighty weapon, I better switch to something more dangerous." Dreven threw aside his sword and withdrew a pistol from the weapon rack. "Start the fight already. I'm curious what this magical girl can do."

"Don't worry, you got this," Colten said with the utmost confidence.

"What are you talking about! I have a bubble blower, and he's got a freaking gun! This isn't even remotely fair!"

"Alright. The battle will begin..." Before the announcer could finish his pronouncement, the sound of the gunshot echoed through the stadium, and Seina toppled over.

"What?" Colten said in shocked outrage. "You can't do that!"

"I'm a vampire. I don't fight fair," Dreven replied, and the crowd broke into mocking laughter. They berated the magical girl who believed anyone could defeat the ruthless, unstoppable vampires.

"Seems the fight's over with, folks! The winner is Dreven!" The announcer said, not caring about the vampire warrior breaking the rules.

"Um, actually I'm fine!" Seina stood up, shaking the dust from her dress. "It just startled me."

Much to her amazement, the bullet hadn't even scratched her skin despite striking her right in the forehead. It amused her to see the vampires shocked at her survival. Maybe victory wasn't impossible after all?

Dreven, however, didn't seem that impressed. "You survived, so what? A vampire can survive much worse." He threw away his gun and took back his sword. Without waiting for the announcer to begin the fight, he charged forward with blinding speed, sword raised to sever his opponent's head.

The colosseum's roof exploded as Dreven crashed through it, exposing the building to the chilly night air. Vampires screamed in fear and surprise as pieces of the roof collapsed on top of them. Seina stared at her extended arm in amazement.

"Wow." Seina couldn't believe her strength. She could have sworn she'd only tapped the vampire.

"Um, Seina. Your bubble blower is meant for casting spells, not a blunt weapon." Colten said. "But that works too I guess."

"Oops." Seina blushed with embarrassment.

"She won." Lilha, the vampire queen, said in the dead shocked silence.

"She has some power, I suppose." Lothaire didn't seem too impressed despite Seina's astounding display of strength.

A strange thought popped into her head. "Does this mean I win? The announcer didn't actually start the fight."

"I guess so. Congratulations!" Colten patted her on the leg.

"I'm not finished yet!" Dreven tossed people out of his path as he stomped back towards the fighting pit. The vampire warrior was soaking wet and pieces of seaweed latched to his body. Had Seina knocked him to the ocean? That was miles away.

"Oh, you're back. Ready for another butt-kicking?" Colten said. Seina nodded, not sure why the vampire had returned after she'd beaten him with little difficulty.

Dreven broke into a disturbingly wide smile. His grin stretched out unnaturally, cackling while doing so. "Foolish girl. You think you can beat me?"

The vampire warrior extended a hand and drove it into his chest. Much to Seina's horror and shock, he withdrew something red and beating. Had Dreven just torn out his own heart? Clenching his fist, he crushed it. Gore and blood oozed down his hand. Dreven's grin extended as the hole he'd torn into his chest vanished like it never existed.

"I'm not like other vampires. Destroying my heart can't kill me. Nothing can! As long as a single atom of my body exists, I can't die!"

"Okay, but was that really necessary?" Seina's stomach felt queasy, horrified by the display. He could have just told her.

The vampires in the crowd broke into mocking, jeering laughter. They sent praises towards their champion and insults towards his magical girl opponent. Lothaire gave them a tilt of his head in respect.

"Hold on!" An irritating realization struck Seina. "Why are you fighting in a colosseum if you literally can't die? That doesn't seem fair at all!"

"We've vampires, kiddo. We don't play fair." Dreven said in a purr.

"No, you're just being a jerk," Colten replied.

"So, shall we begin our game again?" Dreven withdrew a nasty-looking rusty spiked mace from the weapon's rack.

Seina, however, was unimpressed. Already, she'd grown tired of the vampire's nonsense. An idea popped into her head, and her lips curled into a small smile. Yes, that would solve her problem nicely.

"Ha! You'll find Seina not so easy to beat!" Colten said. "Use your magical bubble blower to finish this fool!"

"I can't agree more." Seina walked up to her opponent, who watched her in bemusement. She gripped her staff tight, adjusted her aim, and swung with all her strength. Dreven screamed in pain and terror as the magical girl launched his body high into the air, flying the hole in the ceiling. Seina watched as the vampire flew higher into the sky, bursting a hole through the smoke cover and disappearing into the starry night sky.

"There, he won't cause anyone any more trouble!" Seina said, proud of herself. "If he can heal himself forever, fine. But that doesn't matter if he's stuck floating in space!" It amazed her that the plan worked. Just how powerful was she now? The entire audience broke into another stunned silence.

"Seina, that isn't what I mean at all," Colten said.

"Sorry?"

"I meant for you to use your magical powers to obliterate him."

"I can do that?" Seina blushed with embarrassment.

"Yes, you're a magical girl. It's in the name." Colten sighed, then shrugged. "Well I guess a victory's a victory." A clap interrupted their conversation.

"Very amusing," Lothaire said, standing from his throne. "It appears you have some power."

"Lord Lothaire, are you going to face this child?" The vampire lord's wife asked. "Surely it's beneath you. Let me handle her. I'd love to punish a misbehaving child."

"No, this girl represents something that I can't allow to stand. The pathetic scum down there must learn that no such thing remains." Lothaire gestured to the humans, watching the scene. Seina saw what the vampire lord meant. They stared at Seina with awe, their eyes sparkling with an emotion she'd rarely seen in her short life. It created a strange bubbling feeling in her stomach.

"It looks like we're fighting the big boss guy now," Colten said. "Good, that saves time."

"Understand this, child," Lothaire said. "Dreven was the weakest of our number. A vampire of lesser capabilities. I won't be such an easy opponent."

Seina gulped and her hand trembled, not doubting the vampire king's pronouncement for a moment. When humanity fought against him, no weapon could stop him. Even a barrage of nuclear weapons had proven useless. Rumors whispered that his vampiric power made him invincible.

"Smart girl. You understand the trouble you're in. You won't even lay a hand on my husband." Lilha said. "You will die, not even realizing it until it is too late."

Lord Lothaire stared down at his opponent. His expression was unreadable, but his confidence was undeniable.

"Did you know, no weapon has ever even touched Lord Lothaire?" Lilha said, continuing her boast. "They can't. He has utter mastery of eternity."

Colten, however, seemed unperturbed. "So what? Seina will kick his pointy teeth in."

"Understand this, little fairy," Lilha said, her tone superior. "My husband's power allows him to control time. Any timeline he doesn't care for, he discards like trash."

"Time control?" Alarm had crept into Colten's face. Seina's hand trembled, realizing how much trouble they were in. What a fool she'd been thinking anyone could defeat the masters.

"He sifts through the possibilities until the one he desires comes into fruition." Lilha extended a hand, gesturing to everything around her. "Nothing ever happens unless Lord Lothaire wills it!"

Seina put her hands into her face. With some difficulty, she fought back tears, refusing to cry again in front of these monsters. So much for hope. Fate had a twisted sense of humor.

"That's not good." While Colten's confidence had faded somewhat, he continued putting up a brave face.

The entire crowd of vampires broke into applause, and Lilha soaked in their admiration. Lothaire continued to stay where he stood, impassive.

"Give us a good show, magical girl. It should be quite entertaining. Wouldn't you agree, my husband?"

Lothaire continued to stay where he stood, unresponsive. Seina blinked in confusion. Why was he just standing there, motionless? Why wasn't he bragging and jeering, as usual?

"Husband?" Lilha asked in concern.

Lothaire's body jerked uncontrollably, foam gathering around his mouth. He stumbled forward, each step clumsy and awkward. With a strangled gurgle, the vampire king toppled forwards, landing in the fighter's pit. His body jerked several more times before stopping to a halt. Dead.

"No, has he overused his power?" Lilha's voice barely rose above a whisper. Her eyes were wide in horror and disbelief.

Siena blinked. "Eh?”

[aelaer]

Hmm, I saw the Howard post and I haven’t read the MCU comic tie nor have I read any iron man comics but i guess he was abusive for hitting his son toy. Many parents from older generations are fine with corporal punishment. It’s not an excuse but abuse is way more severe. A daily constant beating for no reason.

For the Howard post (here, for those who missed it), I was focused strictly on the MCU rather than the comics. In the comics for Earth-616 he was 100% abusive, no question about it, from my understanding. I’m no expert on comic Tony.

As the ask indicates, this is gonna get into heavy topics. Mind yourselves. The heavier stuff is under a cut (at least if you aren’t viewing the original post on the mobile app; fix your stuff tumblr).

For the MCU, it’s much greyer if you rely on the movies, but Tony’s memories of his father from Iron Man 2 don’t speak well of Howard’s character, though they try to paint him in a better light by the end of it. So if you only view the films, it’s much harder to determine the relationship based on only one scene (after all, everyone has bad days, and there’s no parent out there who hasn’t been cranky at a four-year-old).

But then you get a second, worse occurrence with the tie-in comic. The official MCU tie-in comics (as opposed to the inspired-by comics) are considered canon. You can find a list of the tie-in comics and inspired-by comics over at Wiki, as well as most of their summaries. (Sadly they fail to mention the comic sponsored for Iron Man 2, which is freaking hilarious if you read what happens in the 2010 timeline of the wiki. He’s driving race cars in India. It’s great. The wiki timeline is literally the only place I can find information for this promotional comic.)

Anyway, back to the serious topic. Abuse comes in various forms, and from what I can see from a quick look at Google, there is no hard agreement of the types of abuse or the number. For instance, this site categorizes six types of abuse, while this site categorizes ten types, but lumps one of the abuse types above into one category and includes self-neglect as a type of abuse. Still, it’s some reading if you’re looking for further education on the topic.

Based on those definitions and what we see in the tie-in panels, Howard would fall into both emotional/verbal and physical abuser categories - if the reader considers corporal punishment on children as inherently abusive. Let me explain, and get into the nitty gritty of corporal punishment in the home.

Corporal punishment has hugely shifted in public opinion as a parenting/teaching tactic from the mid-20th century to now in the United States. In America in 2020, in my personal experiences, the most a parent could get away with is spanking (as opposed to using a switch, cane, belt, or slapping as used to be normal), and that has been massively falling out of favor the last 20 years, especially in states that have made it illegal in schools. This is at least, how it’s seen in media; I just don’t know enough about different sub-cultures in the United States to know if it’s universal. In middle-class California, it has fallen hugely out of favor. This may be very different in the rural areas of, say, Mississippi. I just don’t know.

I also don’t know about the status of corporal punishment for children across the world and had to do some digging. There is a lot of statistics in how favorable vs unfavorable it is around the world again on Wiki, and you can see most of Europe has made it illegal everywhere, half of the states have it illegal in schools, but as Wiki mentions, it’s legal in the home across most of the world and largely not illegal in schools. I think in the 21st century we’re going to see it sharply decrease as a punishment tactic as millennials raise their children and Gen Z starts growing up and raising their own children.

I want to address something you said: “Many parents from older generations are fine with corporal punishment. It’s not an excuse but abuse is way more severe. A daily constant beating for no reason.”

In the mid-1970s it was definitely very common for open-handed smacks to be dealt out by a parent to a children in Western society, at least from what statistics I can find. Here’s some more Wiki reading on it.

So I’ll play devil’s advocate: if we’re looking at the American mid-late 1970s (when Tony was a kid) and physical discipline not being viewed as abusive by the overall general populace, so long as it wasn’t excessive, let’s say that in this panel the smack in itself wasn’t abusive. If we’re going to make that conclusion, let’s look instead at the reason why Tony was being punished and the words used in the panel.

Howard [holding up a toy car that hit his foot]: This is yours, I take it? Is this how you spend your weekend at home?!

Tony [holding up a remote control for the toy car]: D-dad, I…

Howard [slaps Tony, and breaks the remote control]: Waste of time! I don’t need to deal with this nonsense! Do you understand me?!

Corporal punishment was delivered for many reasons in the ‘70s in America; in schools it happened from fooling around when you were supposed to be paying attention to being a punishment for nasty fights to disrespecting the teacher. In the home, I suspect it was largely disrespect or things like fighting with your siblings or stealing a sweet.

Tony’s “crime”, so to speak, is playing with a toy car and accidentally hitting his father with it. Nowhere in the lead-up does it indicate that it was done maliciously. It was careless, sure, but breaking a toy and meting out a slap in turn from carelessness is a huge overreaction. The punishment does not fit the crime.

Going into Wiki’s definitions of child abuse (more official answers can be found elsewhere, I’m sure), the conflict and debate about physical abuse is noted there, but I’m more interested in what they say about psychological/emotional abuse. With the resources listed there, they note that modern definitions of emotional abuse of a child entail:

“A repeated pattern of caregiver behavior or extreme incident(s) that

convey to children that they are worthless, flawed, unloved, unwanted…”

“Other examples include name-calling, ridicule, degradation, destruction of personal belongings […] excessive criticism…”

“Emotional neglect: characterized by a lack of nurturance, encouragement, and support…”

Furthermore, it notes some of the consequences:

“Childhood psychological abuse [is] as harmful as sexual or physical abuse.”

“Psychological maltreatment is “the most challenging and prevalent form of child abuse and neglect."”

"Given the prevalence of childhood psychological abuse and the severity of harm to young victims, it should be at the forefront of mental health and social service training”

You can read the sources all in the Wiki article.

With all of those definitions, and the two scenes in canon we see with Howard interacting with young Tony (this one and the film reel in Iron Man 2), the evidence provided suggests that this was Howard’s natural tone when talking to his young son.

And that is, following all those definitions above, emotionally negligent and psychologically abusive.

So one may argue about corporal punishment all they want, and cultures around the world will continue to change their attitude towards it as we go further into the 21st century, but the scenes presented in canon firmly put Howard into an abuse role psychologically at the least.

Thanks for the ask, anon, and I hope that you found this interesting and potentially enlightening.

[lynnsfics]

Coffee Stained Confusion Ch 18

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~~~

TW: Mentions of torture

Alicia entered the room where Bucky was being held, a smirk on her face. ���I cannot begin to describe how wonderful it was to see how much pain that put you both through.” Bucky stared at her but said nothing, not wanting to anger her and cause you more pain. “I must say though, the best is yet to come.” 

She seemed almost giddy and Bucky felt a knot form in his stomach. He had to do something. An idea came to mind. “Why don’t you let her go? Your thugs said it themselves, she’s expendable to you. If you let her out, you’ll have my full cooperation.” Of course he wasn’t being completely honest, but Alicia didn’t need to know that. “Oh, I don’t think you understand. Keeping her here has its benefits, it keeps you in line, and it gives us some more, uh, shall we say, fire power? So consider your request denied.” His heart sank, but he had a plan. “Where is she, can I at least see her?” 

“She’s in the infirmary in critical condition, that damn professor and his knife tricks.” Bucky felt like his chest was about to explode, he had to get to you before they harmed you again. “So again, consider the request officially denied. Don’t worry, she’ll be able to see you soon, though. When it’s your turn.” Alicia turned and walked out, leaving Bucky alone in the darkly lit room.

Suddenly, he realized how much time had passed since they first entered the facility. It was well past the check-in time, which meant Sam and Natasha would have been alerted to the mission going sideways. Hopefully they would be on their way with reinforcements soon. If not, things could go very badly, very quickly. 

While this interaction happened you were in the infirmary, starting to regain consciousness. A nurse was at your side, roughly bandaging your wounds. When she noticed you beginning to awaken she slowed her actions. 

She picked up the next bandage and as she set it on your neck she whispered to you, “My name is Maria Hill, I’m a S.H.I.E.L.D agent that Fury sent in case things went sour. Needless to say, they did. Natasha and Sam are on their way to provide backup but it  may take a while. Can you move?” You nodded your head, which took a great deal of work, but Maria took it as a good sign. “I infused these bandages with a cleanser, it will remove the limitations that they put on your powers, but it’s crucial that you don’t use them until I give you the go ahead. Otherwise we could risk going right back to where we are now.” She handed you a miniscule listening device, “This will allow you to hear me when the time is ready. But it is one way, so you won’t be able to contact me. Understood?” You nodded again. “Good. I should warn you, what they did to you, they’re about to do to Sergeant Barnes. You will be forced to watch, I cannot do anything to stop it. But you can’t let on that you know backup is coming, or they’ll be prepared. Do you think you can handle that?” “I can’t just watch him be tortured, what if they reactivate the mind control?” “That’s why you have your powers back. But only use them if it comes down to it. When you were in the chair they threatened to kill you if Bucky tried to intervene. I doubt they would do the same to him, since he’s more valuable to them, no offense, but you can’t be too certain of anything.” A guard walked past, and called over to her. “Hurry up, they need that one in the viewing room.”  Maria helped you up before the guard came over and hauled you out of the room. He led you down a series of winding halls, leading you to an empty room, the only things it contained were a chair, much like the one you had been in earlier, and a window giving a view of the torture room. 

You had to hold back a cry when you saw Bucky strapped to the chair. Running to the window, you felt something dark grab ahold of you. It would be so easy to melt the glass, to kill the two HYDRA agents that were holding you back. You tried to stop yourself, and eventually the threat of flames was gone from your mind. If you played your cards wrong, Bucky could die. A sharp pain filled your chest, although you weren’t sure what caused it, the bullet wound or the threat of a life without Bucky in it. 

The agents strapped you to the chair, a shock of pain going through your neck as they did. The professor wheeled the cart into the torture room. He looked directly at the glass, and although you knew he couldn’t see you, a chill still went down your spine. “Good evening, frauline. I hope you enjoy tonight’s entertainment. However, there will be a twist.” A patch with wires connected to it was placed onto your neck. “We believe you are ready for initiation into our ranks. This is the perfect experience to muddle your brain just enough to have you back under our control.” 

Bucky jerked forward in his chair, “Don’t you dare touch her.” He looked at the glass, and you felt an ache in your chest knowing he couldn’t really see you. “Doll, I promise I’ll get you out of here. Just stay with me. You promised you’d stay with me.”  An electric pulse went through the chair and Bucky fell back into the seat, but he remained the “eye contact” he had made with you. A whispered “You promised,” left his lips before another shock went through the chair. 

You tried to stay calm but you could feel the heat rising. The agent turned the device on, and you felt a current go through you. The professor selected a knife from his arsenal and held it up so it glinted in the light. He approached Bucky, but instead of showing fear for himself, he looked directly into the professor’s eyes. “I swear to God, if you hurt her again, I will hunt you down and make every last second of your life a living hell.” Looking directly through the glass he smirked, “Turn up the current.” An electric wave travelled through your body and for a moment you forgot where you were. You closed your eyes. You had to make it out of here, you had made a promise that you intended on keeping. Maria Hill’s voice came through the mic in your ear. “Backup should be here soon, find a way to keep him talking but don’t use the fire until the last possible second.” Looking towards one of your guards, you asked, “Is there a way I can speak with him?” The two agents shared a look, but eventually shrugged and pressed a button, turning on an intercom. “You know, professor, I always had a feeling you didn’t like me. Such a shame too, I always did so well in your class. But who knew favoritism could extend this far?” His face contorted in rage, “Do you really think you’re in a position to be talking back to me, frauline?” 

“Apparently, I do.” Bucky looked towards the glass again, silently asking what you were doing. “To be quite honest, I don’t think you know who you’re talking to.” “That’s it,” he snarled, “I will not tolerate such disrespect in my own laboratory. Tell the boss there was a code orange, the kill order has been given.”  

Bucky’s face went pale, “If you lay a hand on her-” “I will regret it. Yes, you’ve made that quite clear, Sergeant Barnes. However you haven’t done anything yet, and I believe we’re at a point where you won’t be able to do anything to me in the future.” Maria’s voice rang through your ear, “Reinforcements aren’t close enough, but code orange is serious. Initiate your powers now.” All the rage and sadness and pent up emotions came spilling to the surface. Flames burst through your skin, searing the agents next to you and burning through your restraints. You ran to the glass, and pressed a hand to it. The window started to bend, but not enough to melt the glass. Allowing the anger to be replaced by memories, you thought back to the night your parents died. The night you blamed yourself for. The heat rose and the glass turned into a smoking molten mixture. You stepped into the torture room, slowly allowing your flames to go out. You stepped towards Bucky’s chair and pulled his restraints off. Your eyes met his, and you knew that whatever was about to happen, he would be there for you.

The professor turned towards you, a prideful tone in his voice, “This isn’t the end, you know. One way or another you will fall back into our clutches. Cut off one head, two more shall take its place. Hail HYDRA.” With that, he attempted to swallow a cyanide pill. Bucky stepped in, stopping him.

“It won’t be that easy,” he said, shoving him into the chair. “We aren’t done with you yet. SHIELD has some questions for you,” he secured the restraints around his arms, “and I have to make good on my promise.” Bucky turned to you, his eyes full of emotion, “I thought I might never see you again, when he ordered code orange, doll I-”

You interrupted him with your lips crashing into his. He was stunned for a moment but soon returned the kiss. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer, scared if he let you go he would risk losing you again. Your hands tangled themselves in his hair, needing to be as close to him as possible, needing to know this was real. As you melted into the kiss, your heart pounded in your chest. When you were finally forced to break away for air, you rested your head on his shoulder, feeling safe for the first time in what felt like eons. “I promised you I wouldn’t leave you,” you whispered. 

A familiar voice came from the doorway, “Well, now we know what we almost interrupted the other day.” Sam and Natasha entered the room, followed by a few SHIELD agents. 

“You owe me five bucks,” Natasha said to Sam, “I told you, life threatening experiences bring people together.” 

“Sure, whatever, but how about I pay up once we’re safe outside.” Sam replied sulkily.

The agents circled around the professor, blocking his escape. Reluctantly, Bucky stepped back from you, allowing you to reignite the flames in your hands. “Alicia should be in the main holding area,” you said.

“Well, it seems like you don’t know as much about me as you thought you did.” Alicia stood in the alone in the hall.

“Where’s your backup Alicia?” you asked, venom dripping from your voice.

“My backup? Oh, he’s already here.” Confused, you looked at the professor, but he was still surrounded by guards. It was then you noticed the red book in her hands. She began to read from it in Russian, “Longing, rusted, furnace, daybreak.”

“Stop!” Bucky cried out, his face contorted in pain. It was like a switch had been flipped in your mind as you made the connection. His trigger words. She was trying to bring out the Winter Soldier. 

You raced towards her, your heart racing. You tried to wrestle the book from her grasp, but despite the flames licking at her hands, she kept a tight grip on the book. It wasn’t long before she had hideous welts showing up on her skin. Your mind flashed back to the video of you killing Elaine Berlioz. The same welts appeared on her skin before her death. You stumbled backwards, letting go of Alicia. 

She continued reading, “Seventeen, benign.” Bucky’s eyes met yours, and you could see the pain he was in, trying to keep the Winter Soldier at bay. With renewed conviction, you grabbed the book directly from Alicia’s hands, one flaming hand on the book, the other setting her hair alight. She screamed and dropped it, and you grabbed it before it even hit the floor. It was incinerated almost instantaneously. After the fire on her head was out, Alicia screamed, her voice filled with anger, “You treacherous little bitch. Don’t you know it’s rude to take things from others?” 

“Don’t you know it’s rude to kill someone’s parents?” 

“HYDRA made you into what you are today. Where would you be without us?” “I’d probably be a normal college student,” you laughed, “But I wouldn’t give up what I found for the world. HYDRA didn’t ‘make’ me, from now on who I am, what I do, those are my decisions.” Your body became covered in flames and you smiled. “You branded me a phoenix, Alicia. Don’t be surprised when I rise from the ashes.”

~~~

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Hey everyone, just a heads up that there’s only two chapters left after this one! Like always, likes and reblogs are appreciated! Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list! Love you all <3

[ocular-intercourse]

i keep going over some bits of the convo with my mom

and my favorites were when she said that i keep excusing my behavior (texting more than phone calls or face to face convos) with my autism but when i really want to do something i can do it real quick.. which, yeah, okay, i definitely get myself to do stuff i want to do quicker, who doesn’t, but that still takes me months to years to get there that’s just all a struggle she does not see, like, it took me pretty much 10 years to contact doctors regarding the transition, in her mind it’s like i just noticed and decided to transition and picked up the phone to get this rolling last year. i’m just over here laughing bitterly at the implication that doing things comes easy to me as long as i want to do them, god, i wish

and, when i told her regardless of the transgender topic, if a person comes to you and asks you not to call them something but you keep calling them that, that’s disrespectful no matter why or who’s involved, and her answer to that was just ‘we picked your name because we liked it’ as if i had told her ‘how dare you call me this hideous name', in any way ‘i wont call you this cause i just like xy better’ is not exactly a great excuse

she also said she is losing a daughter (but is gaining a son, so that note was nice at least) and that’s still the most surreal feeling about this thing, as if i died and she’s mourning now, like, if she’s really mourning losing the concept of ‘daughter’ then she never really saw me as a person in the first place, cause she’s somehow expecting me to change now that the title switched from daughter to son, like she legit told me ‘i’m still calling you laura cause i still see you as the same person’ as if that’s an excuse?? and i said ‘and i will keep being the same person??? maybe a little bit happier, a little bit more confident, but the content is the same??’, she said once there are more male attributes it will be easier to her, but i honestly don’t know which changes she is expecting at this point, i don’t know if my voice will get any deeper, looking at the men in my family beard growth is not exactly high as is, i am and have already been hairier, leg hair wise, then my brothers are for years, and am often enough wearing a binder around her, i’m seriously wondering when the switch will flip in her mind and i will be ‘male enough’ to get recognized as such

but! the whole convo stuck with my parents enough that they are now noting whenever they say my birthname, at dinner the next day my mom suggested they’d have to establish the rule that they’d have to pay 1 € any time they call me by the wrong name and maybe they’ll learn quicker

so success?? kinda? i think they understood what i was telling them, that this will not be a magical switch, that something needs to happen on the outside and suddenly it works, but that it is something they will have to practice to make it work eventually

but also the convo really showed how skewered her perceptions are sometimes, when she was talking about how bad she was doing, and crying how nobody would see it, i had to remind her that literally every longer conversation we’ve had in the last three months or so included me begging her to get some help (remember that post i made about how she thought therapy would be good for her but my dad does not want her to go.. yeah, this has been going on for a while) i keep telling her i worry and she needs to say no to people and look out for herself and fuck my dad’s opinion and everything, but in her mind nobody sees her struggling. we also had this bit about our last discussion about them deadnaming me getting cut short and me offering her, via text on the way home, that we can talk about it some more on the phone if she wanted too, and she answerd that she would only want to talk about it face to face, and then she deadass blamed me during that conversation on sunday that i refused to call her, she was like ‘i told you i did not want to talk to you about this over the phone but then you did not call me for 10 days??!’ to just chat and talk about other stuff, how silly would that have been, yeah we are in this fight rn but let’s just pretend sometimes that we are not and talk about our day to day hasdghjk i offered her that phone call for HER sake, cause i know this weighs heavier on her than me, i personally did not need to talk this through but i knew she would struggle with it till we would, but noo i never try and accommodate her. that’s why i seriously hope she’ll get therapy and work on her perception of things cause she assumes when nobody shows her her worth in the way she would that obviously nobody loves her?? i had to go on a whole tangent explaining the love languages to her, and that if nobody spoke to her in her language that did not mean there wasn’t any love expressed towards her, she’d just need to learn to see it. like one thing she said was legit ‘your father only ever tells other people how great i am but never says it privately to me’ which, okay, i get that you’d want to hear that too, but he keeps bragging about you to others?? and you don’t see how great that is??? but no that doesn’t count for some reason

that whole fight between my parents was just my mom needing constant reaffirmation and my dad being unable to provide that, and both of them going ‘you know how i am i’ve always been like this, you should have learned that by now and act accordingly’ and i can see both sides cause i am like my father and struggle with expressing or even perceiving these things, but i also see that my mom struggles with constantly telling my father she needs this but him not complying. that’s one of the rare moments she accepts my autism diagnosis and tries to apply it to my father cause we are so similar (but boy does my dad not want to hear that) BUT accepting my diagnosis might be the wrong word cause with everything my mother just sees it as an excuse, but refuses to see that there is an actual problem at the root. it’s never ‘i understand that this is because of the autism and this is harder for you than it is for neurotypical people’ but always ‘i know this is hard for you (do you??) but you should do it anyways cause i need it and you saying you can’t just means you’re not trying hard enough (meaning you dont care about me at all)’ translation being: you’re just being lazy and using the autism to make things easier for yourself at the cost of others

the new allegory i came up with was that my mom asking my dad to notice these things was like asking a deaf person to watch out for the microwave beeping, sure the deaf guy could probably find a way, stand in front of the thing to see the timer run out or anything, but it would be much more effort than it would be for a hearing person, just going about their day waiting to hear the bing. i told her that my dad would have to get creative about it and that might not be something he realizes cause he sees himself as a neurotypical person that should not have to resort to these things, cause he is normal and not noticing these things is therefore just his personality. i told her he should like.. set a timer on his phone that’s like ‘tell my wife i appreciate her’ every sunday or whatever, and my mom would be totally okay with that. i wonder sometimes, how they view my thoughts on these things, the difference between their generation and mine, are they.. impressed? at the level of reflection, the things we learn about working on ourselves and our relationships, or are they like.. silly children that’s not how this works wait till you are my age

okay this turned out a way longer rant than intended lol

[adriannahahn]

NCAA WILL NOT Limit Student-Athletes

NCAA Athletes are Now Allowed to Make Money Off of Their Name, Image, & Likeness! But wait there’s a catch...

"The NCAA’s release said the new rules will, however, allow student-athletes to reference their sport and school and will call on NCAA members to use school compliance officers to oversee the types of endorsement deals and value of individual contracts to ensure fair value for the services provided. While the recommendations outline the ways athletes can make money, they also leave room for discretion at the NCAA and school level. NCAA staff will also aid with oversight."

This is a great next step for the NCAA (finally) in providing some sort of value for student-athletes while also making us realize at the end of the day that we should have had ownership of our name and likeness this entire time. NCAA mandates that the university's name or logo will not be used or allowed in such endorsements. Still, the NCAA is an organization that restricts their athletes tremendously!

Example: I'm currently working with Eastbay in an athletic campaign, #NeverNotAnAthlete for hard times during the pandemic. If I was still at Villanova, I would not be allowed to show my own school's logo, mascot, or name in the campaign or content produced. This simply goes down to wearing a shirt, bracelet, or even saying “My name is Adrianna Hahn and I go to Villanova University.” Yes, this all sounds moronic, doesn’t it? Imagine you work for the Children’s Hospital of Pennsylvania, Marketing Director for Nike, Designer for Louis Vuitton, Adidas Social Media Manager, Basketball Coach for Villanova University, etc. and you couldn’t share your own job title to the rest of the world. You put your blood, sweat, and tears into something every day to just being compliant with unnecessary and selfish rules.

Not only does it sound idiotic to have to keep secret where you go to school, but the NCAA also states that compliance members OVERSEE the deals/ contracts being offered to student-athletes. We all might as well go home and never talk about this again. If you never played a D1 college sport, you might not be aware of this, but compliance office members might be more intense than the actual police enforcement on your campus. It is their job to find out what is wrong or illegal in a situation, and if there is none, most likely one will be created. This isn’t to knock down schools or compliance members, this is just my own experience and you can either deem it credible enough or not. That is based on individual reader’s preferences. I will now give the best advice to current student-athletes during these times: DO NOT TELL YOUR COMPLIANCE MEMBERS, TEAM MEMBERS, OR COACHES ABOUT ANY OF THE DEALS/ ENDORSEMENTS YOU ARE RECEIVING!

I hope your still reading. Yes, I said that. Not only is it important to keep your business deals personal and in the dark, but the less voices and hands on, the better outcome for you! At the end of the day, whether we want to admit it or not, a college experience depends on how that individual prepares and handles his/her obstacles and everyday situations. In all reality, a student-athlete should have a countdown for their last days on campus, because once they leave, they’re going to wish that they never told anyone about all their potential business opportunities. And yes, these are tremendous business opportunities. Let’s not allow the NCAA to limit these business deals and call it “making money off your name and likeness.” Shit doesn’t make sense, it’s not about how many people like me or my name. A company sees value and profit in me and not all humans can just get paid off of their name and status. So, in a sense, athletes do not be afraid of the NCAA, they need us. They live off of us, so demand every right and lets just be aware of how they are representing their own athletes in the media.

Let’s really break this down here. Because I feel like those who do not know me might read me the wrong way. I love Villanova and my school, so I am only referencing them for this story as an example, so please don’t make me see comments or have to hear unnecessary stories about me that are false. When I was 19 years old, a sophomore in college, my Instagram profile and basketball modeling pictures had gone viral. Of course, I was wearing a Villanova jersey, but it was not Villanova that gave me this large audience or viral platform. I created this by creating my own content, building my own name, figuring out my own social media marketing tactics, etc. Now you may say, “Oh, well you were wearing that Villanova jersey and that gave you some attention.” Yes, I am not discrediting my lovely university and their ability to attract on a mass global scale, but it was me at the end of the day. I created a brand for myself, and I know that this would have happened no matter where I went to school. I had value, I continue to bring value, and I will forever try to share that special value to the rest of the world. If I didn’t create a 100k audience, would we even be having this conversation right now? Probably not. It would be completely unfair for the NCAA to try and take ownership of something they DID NOT CREATE. Let’s take me out of the picture. The NCAA did not create Kris Jenkins or the National Championship game-winning shot. The NCAA did not create Zion Williamson, his explosive unnatural dunks while breaking a Nike shoe. The NCAA did not create DeShaun Watson, Sabrina Ionescu, Jay Bilas, Tua Tagovailoa, Tim Tebow, etc. If I keep going it’s going to make me sick understanding how valuable these players are but knowing how extremely limited they were within their own talents, skills, and making of who they are and became.

As a little girl, it was my dream to be the best WNBA player, have a fan base, be in the media and TV, and to be the person that everybody strived to be. I wanted to influence those younger than me and show those before me who was really boss. Yes, I wanted to be the boss. I always wanted to show people the real value I had, which to this day I know will go very far. When I created my social media platforms, I was impressed myself just with the numbers and how fast things were moving. I was impressed with how much opportunity I saw come my way with just the simplicity of posting great content and “selling” an amazing product. When this was all happening, it was not everybody’s dream to have a strong social media audience. People looked at me with disgust, like almost how could you sell yourself to the world like that. How could you possibly become somewhat famous or even more recognizable than your own school? Now, people get it. Everybody is foaming at the mouth for Instagram followers, but that’s for another day. What I’m trying to say is I finally created this special niche that I wanted all along, and once I got it, I was told to shut it down and find something else.

So, I went and became a server. Yes, I became a waitress. The same starting point guard, Big East record holder, Villanova star was a breakfast server at a local restaurant. Now, I didn’t serve because I needed money, I wasn’t broke. This doesn’t matter because all college kids, whether your parents are rich and will just GIVE you money, should feel the need to make your own money or make a living for yourself. I knew I needed to do something I never did before, like go into the workforce, and become a server, something I never thought I would ever be. When my friends found out I started working at pretty much the local breakfast joint, it was almost like this new comedy movie came out. Everybody wanted to see me in a uniform, cleaning tables, carrying food like I was circus animal. None of this bothered me because in all reality, I was one of the best players in the league, doing what I felt was right and worthy of my time. Everything I had assumed about serving or working in the restaurant industry smacked me in the face. For all those people who never worked in a restaurant, do you know how hard it is to confidently walk up to a table and be prepared for any and all concerns? I used to have rude people, who obviously never went out their isolated communities, scream at my face or flat out disrespect me, just assuming I was some washed up server that made no money or had no career. Mind you I’m also working and going to school in one of the richest areas in the world, yes, I said the world, look it up. When those same people found out I went to Villanova, or I was associated with basketball, or not only was associated but was the starting point guard, I started making more tips because I went to Villanova and played basketball there rather than just being a good server, which I most definitely was. 

I made sure that these same people who disrespected me knew that they came in contact with the wrong one. BUT, it wasn’t until serving where I learned how to stick up for myself, or be able to have these conversations and not be shut down. Not only did serving help me develop necessary life skills, but it was an activity that I created and made for myself, similar to my Instagram experience. All of my teammates had the same schedule, but I made the decision to put more time into getting a job, even when I played every minute of every game. That’s when I realized it wasn’t necessarily about all of the opportunities I had in front of me, but how I was going to create more opportunities from the ones I was currently in. Nobody told me I had to go get a serving job. I did it for myself. Nobody told me I had to get 100k followers on Instagram, but I did it for myself. When people do not live those same experiences as you or have the same mindset as you, you will either come across two things: having to fight for yourself and continue to do what’s best for you, or lower yourself under what other people are saying just for them to control your endeavors stemming from their own insecurities and uncomfortableness. (If you are confused by this statement, trust me I can break it down for you)

When I talk about making college your own journey and creating those opportunities for yourself, this modern issue will only pertain to you if you allow it. Even though I was successful and still broke many paths and outlets for myself, I still allowed what other people said and did to affect me. And like I said previously, I have never met an official or working member from the NCAA in my entire four years, and I know a shit ton of other athletes that said the same. You create your own opportunities, but you can also limit your own opportunities as well. Even though I went out and created those opportunities for myself, even ones I was unfamiliar with, I still was limiting my full potential and I didn’t even realize it in the moment. At the end of the day, you will leave your university, you will not be controlled by the NCAA, and to be completely honest, I don’t think we ever really were. It is significantly crucial for a student-athlete to know and understand exactly what value they will bring to the world once they leave their school. For me, I was extremely lost because I allowed others to remove me and strip me of my own value. We have just been allowing this over-arching organization to control our mindsets and activities. Trust me, keep your business private, do not be fearful of higher authority or “rules,” and if you find value in an opportunity you better never hesitate or limit yourself. 

Think about it. In college, student-athletes should never feel limited, we only have so much power. NCAA LIVES OFF OF CONTROLLING OTHER BUSINESS’ PROFITS! What the hell kind of budget is the NCAA going to take from me in order to receive their 10% earning? $100 if I make $1000 on a social media or product campaign, the NCAA must track me down and all my business opportunities so they profit as well! Even Zion Williamson or Kris Jenkins memorable sports moments that might bring in millions of dollars for these kids, LET THESE KIDS HAVE THE MONEY. It’s almost like multimillionaires owning sports teams and supporting their business for the sole purpose of making money, but these same people publicly announce proactive racism and will completely shit on their true “money makers,” not even understanding at the end of the day who brings in that real money. (Yes, I said it)

Now those in the audience might be saying, “Oh, well if it wasn’t for schools or the NCAA, these student-athletes wouldn’t be going to school for free or getting their degree for free. They are so selfish that not only do they get free schooling but they also want to be paid!” Yes, Yes we do. And for those who are thinking this, stop assuming now. Athletes are in major debt all the way up until college, and for those athletes who don’t make it to college or don’t have a successful college career, that debt might not ever get repaid. I hope we aren’t confused with the usage of debt here. In this case, let’s just say the average athlete starts at 8 years old, plays sports until 18 when they go to college and will then be financially provided by the university. For those athletes like myself that were fortunate enough to have parents to be able to financially provide their children to play sports (remember this is not everyone), that is about 10 years parents are paying for sports. Each year, let’s just say with school basketball and summer league/ AAU, parents total per year is about $10,000, and I’m just being nice right now. Calculating that up, it is at least $100,000 for a child to play a sport well enough to get a full D1 scholarship, and I’m only talking about playing 1 sport. Where is the NCAA now? Where is their influence or guidance during this process? Where are they pretty much your entire life? Nowhere.

 How long will it take for a family or student-athlete to get that money back? It is an investment that not everybody just takes or sees beneficial. Not only are parents in debt for sports activities, but they are also paying what every other parent is paying as well. Not only was this a financial necessity, but do you know how much time and dedication was made by the entire family for this one child to go to school? It is a family sacrifice. So, for those who just complain and make comments when they were never in our shoes don’t really need to be heard right now. Especially when if we broke it down, the numbers will not ever add up, so let’s not compare when the numbers don’t, that’s just facts. If you disagree, you can either stop reading or continue. Not only is it essential that these kids get the money they deserve in order to make a living in life, but we fucking need it! We want it and we deserve it, just like anybody would demand profit or income for something that required hard work, talent, and way too much time. As athletes, we are made and built to be the best, to become the best versions of ourselves. No, it is not just about the money, but I’d be damned if I have an opportunity that I myself created and the NCAA simply tells me no. But guess what? It’s too late for me.

To all my student-athletes, keep your business to yourself and you will strive. Save the money you secretly make from business/ companies, it is so easy nowadays to save and invest. If somebody from your school’s compliance or of higher authority makes you do something or says you have to do this, 99% you most likely don’t so add me on LinkedIn and ask me questions if you feel stuck or don’t know what to do. It is now the time to tackle and create numerous opportunities for yourself, but no one will do it for you, but remember that when others get in the way, or you come across distractions. There is not a right or wrong way to do things, just as long as you build true character, have respect, and influence/teach those after you. It is not weird for a student-athlete to go get a real job midseason, even when they are the best on their team, it isn’t weird or abnormal to have 100k followers on Instagram, and it for sure isn’t wrong to create business opportunities for yourself while playing a sport in college. Do not be afraid of the NCAA, and do not allow such an organization to control your brand. When you leave college with a completed degree, the world is yours. Everything is competitive, everyone is envious, and in all reality, everyone is chasing the same things, but not everyone is working the same, or envisioning it the same way. If you see it, go get it. If you have it, make something of it. Never feel limited and for all my student-athletes, keep business to yourself and do not fear an invisible “threat.”

For all those who are reading this, parent, athlete, child, grandparent, coach, fan, etc. PLEASE do not look at me as the demon. I am doing what is right and standing for what should be granted. I was a student-athlete that played at a very high level, so not only do I understand competitiveness, success, dreams, etc., but I know how to handle adversity, overcome fear/challenge/ doubt, and I know how to find myself throughout this entire process. Business is real my friends, and everybody is chasing it. No matter how you create business for yourself, do not allow someone or something else to tell you what you have to do with it. Most of the people you will encounter never experienced such business deals or opportunities for themselves so understand their experiences as well and truly dive into a person’s mind. Do people around me want the best for me? Do these people want to see my full potential? Do these people want me to be successful in my next life journey? Realize that you are a product, and yes I say this with full value. Turn yourself into a product where others find you useful. What value can I bring that others can’t? What value/ form of impression can I give to a coach, boss, CEO, etc. where they want me over them? All of this starts in college, and yes it starts from the small business deals on Instagram, or brand ambassador discount code for a product, or national championship buzzer beater shot. I did that, we did that. Don’t forget this when opportunities present themselves my unreserved student-athletes, you created this for yourself, not them, so do what you want with it.

At the end of the day, if you think it’s wrong or hurtful to someone don’t do it. Other than that, go for the fucking world; it’s literally at the palm of your hands…

[inactiive-shit]

Desperate Times, More Desperate Measures

Warnings: None, maybe. I don’t think there’s any.

Pairings: Familial LAMP, romantic Remile, they’re one giant family, thanks

Words: 2,515

Summary: When their powers manifested, Virgil’s three older brothers wanted to be just like their Dads and fight crime. Virgil had never been so inclined. Now, however, they never come to family dinners because they’re always busy. Virgil takes matters, and maybe the law, into his own hands.

This is, in fact, a superhero human au. You’ve been warned.

If you would like anything to be tagged, let me know! If you wanted to punch a character, let me know! Honestly, if you read this and had any sort reaction to it at all, I would love to hear about it! No pressure, though!

Now, on to the reading:

As Virgil sat at the dinner table with his Dads, both looking distinctly disappointed that only one of their four sons had shown up, he knew something needed to change. It had been months since all three of Virgil’s older brothers had come to their biweekly family dinners at the same time. It wasn’t fair on Virgil, but more importantly, it wasn’t fair on their parents. Remy and Emile worked hard to provide for their sons and make sure they’d be able to do anything they wanted, including being superheroes. Virgil wouldn’t stand for this kind of disrespect for his parents, not even from his brothers.

Virgil promised himself they’d be at the next family dinner, one way or another.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Logic! Duck!” Patton shouted needlessly. He knew his twin was more than capable of dodging the incoming car, but he was the oldest. He felt responsible for his brothers whether they wanted him to or not, whether they needed him to or not.

Logan was by Patton’s side a second later, not even winded by the speed he could move.

“Have you seen Creativity?”

“Yeah. He was trying to have a dance-off with Origami Spindler.” Patton did a few dance moves himself, dodging out the path of another shadow. Two villains had appeared in the city today, and one of them, Origami Spindler, was throwing cars around using the giant origami cranes he’d made out of giant sheets of metal. The other villain, however, had never been seen before. As far as Logan could see, this was their literal debut. They seemed to be able to manipulate shadows, but they weren’t doing so very well. The shadows were more annoyance than anything else, though Logan knew that they could be a legitimate threat if the wielder had more practice.

Logan thought his youngest brother would love the design on the outfit, as he often complained of the ridiculously complicated and often times hindering outfits the supers wore. This new villain was dressed in black, with purple swirls climbing up their arms. They wore a hood dragged low over their face, but the amount of shadow obscuring them wasn’t normal. They were tall, but didn’t appear particularly muscled. Logan couldn’t be sure, as he had yet to engage this villain in hand-to-hand combat, but a guess was better than nothing.

“What do you think of the new villain?” Patton asked. His first move upon seeing what power they possessed was to darken the sky as much as possible so there wouldn’t be shadows on the ground for the new villain to employ. It had weakened them, but they were still very much able to fight.

“They seem rather. . .untested,” Logan muttered. Patton grabbed his arm and pulled them both into the air with a mini-tornado, evading yet another shadow. “They could be doing much more damage to us and everything else than they are. I do not believe their control over the shadows is too great.”

“I don’t know, Logic.” Patton giggled as he said the superhero name, like he always did. “Maybe they just don’t want to hurt us. It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve fought a conscientious villain.” Patton carefully lowered them both back to the ground. Roman jogged up to them, sketchbook in one hand, sword in the other.

“Morality. Logic.” He nodded at both of them before turning. “Who’s the newbie?”

“I am unaware, though I doubt they’ve had much training.”

“No, they’ve definitely had training,” Roman said, shaking his head. “When I was fighting what’s-his-face down there, I won by the way, the shadows attacked him more than me. And even when they did attack me, it was not with nearly so much vigor or intent.” Roman tilted his head. “It’s almost like they didn’t want to hurt me. I am amazing, though. Perhaps they just couldn’t bare to hurt such a beautiful face.” Roman struck a dramatic pose and was immediately knocked off his feet by a shadow.

“Creativity!” Patton yelled, diving after him. He helped Roman up, frantically checking to make sure he was okay. “I’m fine, Patton.” Roman brushed him off, scowl twisting his features. “Just annoyed.” He flipped open his sketchbook and began to draw.

“Wait!” called the new villain. Their voice was distorted and strange, and it sent a shock of fear through Roman, who paused almost without meaning to. Patton shook it off first and moved in front.

“What do you want?” Patton called back, voice carried by his wind.

“Come closer and we can talk!” A path, three people wide, opened up in the shadows surrounding the villain, and slowly, Patton took a step forward.

“Stop.” Logan’s hand landed on Patton’s shoulder. “Together. We do not have sufficient information to approach separately, when we are weaker.” Patton nodded and, side by side, the brothers advanced.

“Who are you?” Roman called. Logan resisted the urge to smack him.

The villain laughed. “You want me to reveal my civilian identity just like that, Princey? No, but good try.” Their eyes flitted to Logan and then Patton. “Morality, Logic, and Creativity. You know, I thought it would take a lot longer for me to get all three of you at the same time.”

“You do not have us,” Logan said, but mouth was tight. Only people who had known him his whole life would be able to tell he wasn’t as confident in those words as he pretended to be. Patton also realized that they had walked right into a trap. The shadows could lunge for them at any time, and Logan was the only one who stood any chance of getting away.

“It’s a trap,” Patton muttered quietly.

“How right you are.” The villain laughed again. “You can call me Anxiety.” There was an almost palpable wave of fear that came off them as they said their name, but it dissipated quickly. “But don’t worry, Morality. I have no intention of hurting or capturing you.”

“Not that you could. I could beat you with one arm tied behind my back. Both arms!” shouted Roman. This time, Logan did hit him. “Hey!”

“I invite you to try,” Anxiety said. “Some other time, though. After all, wouldn’t want you too embarrassed in our first encounter.” There was a pause, and Logan knew they wanted to say something but was waiting to be prompted. He hated the dramatics that came with the job.

“What else is there, Anxiety?” Logan sighed as he asked.

“I know Princey already asked, but maybe you want to know my identity?” Logan’s face went blank, the only indicator of his shock. “Of course, if you don’t want to, you don’t-”

“What’s the price?” Patton asked. “Cause I’d love to know who you are, kiddo, but not at the cost of another person.”

“Oh, there’s no price. You just have to be brave enough to walk on the shadows, right up to me, and I’ll show whichever one of you does it my face.”

“I’ll do it!” Roman shouted, striking another pose. A shadow shot out of the surrounding mass and knocked him on his ass again. “Hey!”

“Oops, sorry. It looks like they don’t like you.” Logan could see a smirk on the person’s face, and he knew this was just a game to them. He looked over at Patton, who was helping Roman up.

“I’ll do it,” he said.

“Lo,” Patton murmured. Logan shook his head. He had the best chance of getting away if Anxiety went back on their word. It had to be him.

“Come on up then, Twinkle Toes.” Logan sighed again, exasperated even as he heard his younger brother laugh at him. Then, with one last glance at his brothers, Logan ascended the shadows.

They weren’t fully corporeal. It felt kind of like what walking on the ocean would feel like. The shadows even lapped over his feet like waves, and it was a struggle for Logan not to shiver at the feeling.

It was sudden when the shadows started to move, and Logan was nearly thrown off his feet. He heard Patton cry out and Logan wanted to look, to turn around and make sure that they were okay, that Anxiety hadn’t hurt them when Logan had left, but he knew if he moved at all he’d lose his balance. So Logan stayed still, and waited to get to Anxiety.

Logan was thrust into an area that was surrounded by shadows. He didn’t know how high up they were and he still couldn’t see his brothers. But Anxiety was there, and Logan needed to make sure this was worthwhile.

“Morality and Creativity. Have you hurt them?”

Anxiety snorted. “No. Why would I hurt them? That doesn’t even make sense.” There was no distortion left in their voice, and if Logan was insane he’d almost say it was-

“Virgil?” All the shadows dripped off his face and Logan felt the need to clean his glasses or maybe pinch himself, which he would think was utterly ridiculous, except this was infinitely more implausible than anything else Logan could think up.

“Yep, it’s me, Logan. I bet you’re real curious about what’s going on, aren’t you?” Logan felt his head nod a little. “Good. Be curious. Be confused.”

“Virgil, what’s going on?”

“It looks like I just beat all three of my brothers.”

“You technically haven’t beat us as we are still very capable of putting up a fight,” Logan responded automatically. Sometimes, the automated response of being a sibling overrode whatever else was going on.

“I could literally take all of you anywhere I wanted right now and none of you have a defense against it.”

“No, well-” Logan cut off his rambling. Now wasn’t the time to argue who won. “Why are you doing this, Virgil?”

“If you want to find out, come to dinner. All three of you, come to Dad and Papa’s house on Thursday. If all three of you come, all three of you get answers. If two or less of you come, none of you get answers.”

“What? Virgil, no. Tell me what’s going on,” Logan demanded in his Older Brother Voice.

“Dinner. Thursday. The regular time. Tell Pat and Ro who I am, tell them the conditions. Be there or be left in shadows.” Virgil paused. “Don’t tell Patton I made a pun.”

“I am definitely telling Patton. That is beside the point. Why are you doing this, Virge?”

“Dinner on Thursday. Bring them both or don’t bother showing up.” Then Virgil was gone, and so were the shadows and Logan was sitting on the ground, suddenly surrounded by Roman and Patton rather than his youngest brother’s power.

“Loga-Logic! Logic! Are you okay? What happened? Did he hurt-”

“Did they show you who they are? Do you know them”

“You disappeared into the shadows and then Ro and I couldn’t-”

“I’m going to kill them the next time I see them, I swear-”

Logan, dazed from the new knowledge, took a moment to get his bearings and shouted, “Guys! Stop!” The silence was deafening. “I’m fine. Obviously. I’m just. . .”

“Yeah, you definitely got hit in the head or something,” Roman said.

“Lo, what happened up there? You disappeared into the shadows and we tried to get to you but we were stuck. They even took Roman’s sketchbook.” Logan snorted at this information. Of course Virgil would take Roman’s sketchbook and knock him over every time he struck a ‘fucking annoying pose.’ It’s exactly what Logan would have done to any of them if their roles had been reversed.

“Hey! It’s not funny, Calculator Watch. Now I’m gonna have to buy a new one.” Roman lightly tapped Logan’s shoulder rather than his usual punch, which clued Logan in that they really were worried about him.

“No, you won’t have to buy a new one, Roman. We’re getting it back in a few days.”

“What? Why?” Roman exclaimed.

“Did you recognize them?” Patton whispered, eyes big.

“Anxiety is Virgil. And he-”

“Virgil! You mean little Virgil? Our brother, Virgil? Do you mean the emo nightmare himself? You can’t possibly be referring to Jack Smellington. Our-”

“Roman, please. Give Logan a second to tell us what’s going on,” Patton interjected. He shot a glance at Roman before nodding at Logan. “What else did he say, Lo?”

“He said that if we wanted to know why he was doing this, we had to come to dinner this Thursday at Dad and Papa’s house. He also said that if all of us don’t show up, then none of us are getting the answers.”

“I guess we’re going,” Patton said. “I’ve been meaning to get down there anyway. You know how busy this life can be.”

“I’m going to get my sketchbook and make Virgil regret ever having acquired powers,” Roman said decisively. Then he paused. “Uh, when did Virgil get all those powers? Because last I checked, he could only induce a little fear.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

The following Thursday, on their regularly scheduled family dinner night, Remy and Emile were astounded when their three oldest sons came pouring through the front door an hour early. Astounded, and absolutely delighted. The superhero life was very strenuous, they knew from personal experience. Any time they could get away to spend together was cherished.

What they weren’t expecting was the tales of what Virgil had been up to, from supervillaining to stealing Roman’s main defense. If Remy was being honest, he didn’t think his youngest was quite capable of something quite like that. And Emile believed it one hundred percent. Virgil had told them all three of his brothers would be at the next family dinner, had promised in fact, that he’d do whatever necessary to get them there.

This was definitely pushing the limits of ‘necessary,’ though Emile did appreciate the effort. And success.

Virgil showed up five minutes before dinner started, as he always did. He looked surprised to see all his brothers there, and then more happy than his Dads had seen in weeks. He refused to elaborate on why he was supervillaining until after dinner, and then insisted he was too tired to talk about it that day.

Emile was trying his hardest not to explode with sheer glee as he watched his youngest wrangle promises of coming to the next dinner out of his brothers if they wanted to know his ‘dark, mysterious motivations’ for being a villain.

So, maybe Remy and Emile knew exactly why Virgil was being a villain - if that term could even be applied. He was a minor nuisance to the heroes if that, and he would protect them if anything started to go sideways - and maybe they kept their mouths shut about it. Patton, Logan, and Roman kept coming back and eventually stopped asking why Virgil was doing what he was doing. Whether they figured it out for themselves or just forgot, Remy doesn’t know and won’t ask. All he cares about is that all four of his boys are safe and secure and family dinners are getting a lot more fun again.

[maamchanslittlebabies-blog]

LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX (by Kimmi Harielle Ramirez So)

Note: This is not to disrespect the Catholic Church and its believers, but to educate people on why sexual education must be discussed without the inclusivity of religion.

I was in Grade 4 when the RH Bill was headlined on every newspaper. I can't remember when, but it was signed at some point and became a law. It guarantees access to maternal care, contraception, fertility control, and sexual education. Take note of those last two words.

I remember being taught about the male and female anatomy, menarche, a couple of STDs, and nothing more in Grade 5. In Grade 8, a helpful symposium in our school gymnasium was held by gynecologists. At Grade 11, the only information on sexuality I had were those I learned in Grades 5 and 8. Luckily, in Grade 12, I got back my love for learning. In my readings, I have found that there was so much I should've known but was programmed to not know because of the Catholic Church. I felt fooled because I debunked myths about my body which I've been believing all my life.

Monsignor Pedro Quitorio from the Catholic Bishops Conference, in 2014, said that "Children are fragile creatures. The [education] department should be very, very careful not to teach children about matters they will imitate the following day," and all I have to say is his statement is pure nonsense. Yes, children like me are fragile, but we are people! We ought to know what's happening to our bodies. It's our right.

As a 21st century student, I want and I need to be aware of more than just the parts of the reproductive system. Because of my Grade 5 science lessons, I know that the set of organs between my legs are different from that of males, but it is not enough for us to be able to identify what cervixes are or define what menarche is. We need to know why getting tested for HIV is necessary, how the many sexual orientations differ from one another, what consent is and isn't, how to have safe sex, and the like. The Church is holding us back from finding out the answers to these questions. They keep insisting that sex ed should be about things like masturbation and homosexuality being sins and chastity and virginity being praise-worthy descriptions. Otherwise, it promotes "promiscuity" and should have no place in schools. Absolute rubbish. They're compromising scientific accuracy by shoving abstinence down our throats.

I respect God and I respect Jesus. Their followers, however, get on my nerves every time their tongues rise against our rights to proper education. I appreciate how much they stand for their beliefs, but is it too much to ask them to stand back and let science take the wheel just this time? Depriving us of sex education won't stop us from being curious about our bodily functions. It will only give birth to questions they will refuse to answer, and where do teens turn to when their questions are unanswered? Not to their parents. Not to their teachers. They turn to pornography, which provides unrealistic and uneducational perceptions of sex. They turn to their friends who don't know any better than they do. Which now, will cause more trouble? A world with sex ed or a world without it?

Religious taboos are trying to program us into thinking that the vagueness of terms in proper sex ed -- "acquaintance rape," "autoeurotic asphyxiation," "chlamydia," "dilators," to name a few, are going to make us teens perform acts of sexual misconduct, when it won't. It won't make us promiscuous. It won't get girls like me pregnant at this age. What will it do? It will lower the rates of teenage pregnancy. It will inform us on the best contraceptives to use depending on our bodily conditons. It will teach people not to rape. There should be no ambiguity and omissions when it comes to education. Learning should not be subject to appropriateness. Sex ed tackles topics that are, whether the Church likes it or not, a reality for teenagers. This is our health we're talking about. These matters must be dealt with seriously.

Currently, my fellow Gen-Zers (proper term for people born between the years 1996-present) and I are teaching each other about sexuality. This shouldn't be the case, but we're trying to make an effort instead of taking our bodies for granted like the Church does. On that note, I'd like to say that no, I did not get pregnant for learning about sex.

#MaamChan #MaamSambog