#which he just very conveniently happens to have ready in the desert just in case

[jancys-blue-bayou]

I’m working on a three chapter fic set between s3 and s4 (which will divert a bit from canon) for a fic request and I hope/think it’ll turn out good but please don’t request anymore fics set between s3 and s4 or concerning the Byers move in some way because still nothing about how the Byers move and how they wrote it and depicted it makes sense at all so all my writing attempts about it end up making my head hurt trying to finagle any logic into the situation and/or having to just go la la la lets just ignore all the issues since canon did.

[jenstar1992-2]

May I please request an older!Captain Rex x reader drabble where you're married and there with Rex, Gregor and Wolffe when Ezra and the rebels come to Rex for help?

Ask and you shall receive. 😊 Here it is, took me a minute to start writing again, but I finally got around to it. I know this is not really a drabble, I didn’t start out with the intention on making it long, especially not THIS long, but here we are. It's been a good minute since I last wrote anything so hopefully this is ok, and I hope you like it. Also, sorry it went a bit off the rails there, did not mean for it to get so angsty and junk, but my brain was going, and my fingers just kept typing, tried to end it happy though so… yeah.

Trust

Pairing: Older! Rex X Fem! reader

Warnings: Language, angst, mentions of order 66, reader being very protective of her boys, feels all around really, a bunch of married couple fluff (not really a warning, just wanted to mention it), it does get a little saucy at the end, nothing crazy, more talk than anything else

Word Count: 11,113

"We've got company", you hear Gregor say as he eyes the screen in front of him. You stand from your seat and make your way over to him.

"What is it", you ask, looking over his shoulder to inspect the image on the screen for yourself.

"Looks like an auxiliary starfighter of some kind."

"What's it doing out here?"

"I'm more concerned about who's inside it", Rex says from behind you. You turn to face your husband, giving him a curious look.

"Who the hell would be all the way out here? We're in the middle of nowhere", you say, holding your arms out and gesturing to the space around you before folding them at your chest.

"Exactly, who in their right mind would land in the middle of nowhere, and conveniently right in our path."

"You think it's something we should be worried about?"

"Don't know, just seems a bit suspicious is all", he says, lifting his hand to his chin, rubbing it with his index finger in thought.

There's a short moment of silence before you break it. "Well", you say with a little clap of your hands to break Rex out of his thoughts and bring him back to reality. "Let's check it out, who knows, maybe their friendly." You walk to the door and look back to the three men, giving them a smile and waiting for them to follow.

Wolffe chuckled and shook his head. "Ah (Y/N), always the optimist." His comment making you smile a little wider.

"Hey, it's gotten me this far", you say with a little shrug.

They all chuckle at that as they move to join you by the door. Wolffe and Gregor each grabbing their weapons on the way. You give them a confused look before Wolffe states, "Just in case."

You smile and nod, absentmindedly placing your hands to your hips, where they ghost over your lightsabers that you keep strapped there. You didn't know why you kept them on, it's not like you ever used them, never had to after coming to this deserted planet, where nothing much ever happens. But you kept them there, if for no other reason than it just felt wrong not having them on you. Your lightsabers were an extension of yourself after all, at least that's what your master taught you. As you reach to open the door, your hand gets caught in a gentle grip. You turn, raising your eyebrow at Rex who only offers you a soft smile. "I'll go first cyar'ika."

A small grin forms on your lips. "As always", you reply, moving aside to let him take the lead. As he passes you, he places a soft kiss on your forehead.

"Yep, always", he confirms before opening the door and walking out into the bright sunlight, you and the other two men right behind him.

You walk up to the railing and gaze down warily at the group that had just exited the starfighter. "It's a bunch of old geezers, well mostly old geezers", one of them says, a lasat from the looks of him.

"Well- armed old geezers", the Mandalorian girl adds.

"What do you want", Rex asks, sounding a bit gruffer than usual. You guessed he was trying to sound more intimidating. You would've laughed if you weren't also trying keep a serious front.

"We're looking for someone", responded the man in the group.

"Well, that's too bad, cause there's nobody out here", Rex says while leaning on the railing.

The boy speaks up next and asks, "Hey, uh, does the number 7567 mean anything to you?" You all straighten simultaneously.

"What did you just say", you asked, a small ball of anger beginning in your chest.

"Uh, I said 7567", the boy responded.

You looked over to Rex who still had his gaze set on the group below. "Well, that's my birth number", he tells them.

You see the man's eyes light up with recognition, like he's had a realization. "They're clones", he says angrily. He then pulls out a lightsaber and ignites it, stepping in front of the others.

"It's the jedi, they've come for revenge", you hear Wolffe say from your right before he fires a few shots at the man, who blocks them easily. You then see the man take a few more steps forward, looking like he wanted to jump up to your level and take you all out, but you weren't about to let him get that far. Acting on instinct, you grabbed your sabers from your hips and jumped down to the ground, landing just a few feet from him, your sabers igniting as soon as your feet hit the dirt. You stood in a defensive stance, ready to attack if he made even a single wrong move.

"I wouldn't if I were you", you told him in a tone that said you weren't messing around.

"She's a jedi", the boy said from behind the man, surprise clear in his voice.

"Stand down troopers, that's an order", you heard Rex bark from above. "(Y/N)", he then said in a softer tone. You knew what he wanted, but you were far from relenting, you needed to keep your men safe.

"Not gonna happen", you responded, still not taking your eyes off the man in front of you.

"Kanan stop, we have to trust them remember?" The boy seemed to be trying to reason with the man. You continued to glare at him, an action which he reciprocated. You stayed like that for a few more seconds until you heard your name being called again, even more gently than before.

"Please cyare, put them away", Rex calls down, trying to keep his voice as soft as possible. He knows all you need is a little push to send you over the edge at this point. You were always like this when anyone or anything threatened the safety of your men, you'd been that way for as long as he’d known you and he didn't see that ever changing. Not that he didn't respect the hell out of you for it. He and his brothers always appreciated the way you defended them with such vigor. However, Rex also knew that this wasn't the time for that. Something told him that they should be trying to make friends in this situation, instead of starting a fight.

"Not until he does", you finally reply.

The boy puts a hand on the man's shoulder, giving him a pleading look. Kanan sighs before deactivating his lightsaber and returning it to his hip. He then looks at you expectantly. You regard him for a few more moments before you too put your sabers away. Once you re-attached them, you turned and jumped back up to your original position, grabbing the railing and easily pulling yourself up and over it, before coming to stand beside your husband. You cross your arms over your chest, still feeling a bit defensive. Rex could feel your tension and responded by wrapping an arm around your waist to hold you closer to his side, feeling you relax just a bit.

The boy took this opportunity to make his introductions. "My name's Ezra. This is Kanan. That's Sabine and Zeb", he said while pointing out each of his comrades. "It's nice to meet you, 7567."

Rex felt you stiffen a bit in his grasp. You hated when anyone referred to him by his number and not his name. It had started as a pet peeve, but as time went on you just saw it as downright disrespectful and then it just straight up pissed you off. Rex knew this and it was just one of the millions of reasons he loved you so much. He could feel you prickling up with anger again. He moved the hand holding your waist to your hip and gave it a light squeeze in an attempt to calm the storm brewing inside you. This was your way of telling each other that everything was okay and not to be upset, light squeezes or soft touches, usually followed by a reassuring look. After this he again felt you start to calm. It was crazy the affect you two had on each other, it was damn near magic.

"Actually, my name is Rex. Captain, 501st Clone Battalion. Meet Commanders Gregor and Wolffe", Rex introduced the men standing behind you before looking to you, pulling you to him in a tighter one-armed embrace, "and this beautiful ball of fire is our General, (Y/F/N, Y/L/N). I know she seems a bit rough around the edges, but once you get to know her, you'll find she's pretty amazing." You looked to Rex after your introduction to notice him looking at you with an expression of pride, like he had just showed off his most prized possession, which in a way, you were. Rex never had much, but he always had you, and that's all he ever wanted. Your love and adoration were all he needed to feel as though he had a fulfilling life. Something he reminded you of on more than one occasion. You couldn't help but smile back at him, that same adoration clearly visible in your gaze.

You both were brought back to the present when you heard Ezra's voice addressing you. "We were sent by Ahsoka", he told you. Your ears perked up at the mention of your friend, turning to look at the boy.

"Ahsoka?"

Rex grinned. "Ahsoka Tano. We fought by her side from the battle of Christophsis to the siege of Mandalore", he said reminiscently.

"A friend of Ahsoka's is a friend of ours", you said, finally offering the group a genuine smile. Ezra smiled back, glad to see the fighting was over.

***

You and the boys had decided to help the crew of the Ghost to find a place to set up their rebel base. You could tell they were grateful for your help, most of them anyway. Kanan still seemed to distrust your little squad. When you thought about it you couldn't totally blame him. From what you could tell, Kanan was a young man, which meant that he would've still been a young padawan near the end of the clone wars, which also meant that he had to endure the horror that was Order 66 at a young age. You remember how terrible it had been for you, Ahsoka, and Rex. Not to mention the countless others who had to watch their allies, their friends turn on them, not knowing why. You had felt their pain, their fear, their feeling of betrayal, all before they were silenced. Then there were the clones who had their chips removed and had been traumatized at what they had almost done, what most of their brothers did do, even if it was out of their control. It took a heavy toll on all of you, and even though so much time had passed, it still hurt like hell. So yeah, you could understand his feelings, but if you were going to all work together successfully, then he had to lay some of that aside and learn to trust you, and the clones. You knew it wouldn't be easy, but you figured it couldn't hurt to try and talk to him.

You were walking topside on your way to the Phantom for what you knew was going to be an uncomfortable talk, at best. As you approached the vessel you saw Rex standing by its entrance talking to whoever was inside. "We all have a choice", he said as you reached his position. He then turned to walk away, stopping after a few steps when he saw you standing there. He had a saddened expression that made your heart hurt, but before you could ask what was wrong, he walked past you, only stopping for a moment to bring your forehead to his, a gesture that meant he wasn't okay, but he would be. You nodded and let him leave, then turned to continue your little mission.

As you walked to the entrance of the phantom Ezra emerged, giving you a sad smile before passing you to join the rest of his crew up front. Once he was gone you focused your attention on Kanan who was facing away from you, fiddling with his lightsaber. "Hey", you called, trying to sound like you weren't still a little pissed at him.

"Hi", he said, rather unenthusiastically.

"Well, aren't you all warm a fuzzy", you said sarcastically.

"Can I help you with something, because if not then please leave me be, I have things to do." You rolled your eyes. This was going to be harder than you thought.

"Mm, yeah, that seems real important", you say, pointing to the saber in his hand that he had been detaching and re- attaching the same piece on for the past minute. He gave you a look over his shoulder, but you ignored it continuing. "Anyway, I was hoping we could talk."

"About what?"

You crossed your arms. "You know what." He just continued his mindless fiddling, so you sighed and went on. "Look, I understand your feelings towards the clones, I even understand your feelings towards me, but if we're going to work together here then you need to put all that aside, even if it's just for the time being. Do you think you could do that?" You looked at him with a sympathetic, yet hopeful look.

"Put it aside, put it aside?" His voice had raised to where he was just short of yelling at you. "How do you suggest I do that, huh? Maybe to you the war was a long time ago, but to me it feels like it could've been yesterday. The pain is still fresh to me, I can't forget it or set it aside as I please, it's always there and it always will be. I can't just sit here and act like I'm okay when everything here reminds of that awful day, the day I lost my master, the one time she needed me most and I couldn't save her. How can I put it aside when every time I turn around here I see the faces that murdered her?” That was it, that was what tore the last piece of patience from you.

"ENOUGH!" He froze, obviously not expecting the amount of anger that now radiated off you in waves. "Listen, you son of a bitch, I've tried to be patient, I've tried to be understanding, hell, I tried to be genuinely nice to you, but clearly you don't respond to nice, so this is how it's gonna go." You grabbed him by the front of his shirt and brought his face only inches from yours. "You are going to buck the kriff up and get over your bantha shit until this is over, and if you hurt or disrespect my men again, you won't be leaving this planet intact, do I make myself clear?" You made sure to emphasize those last five words.

He looked at you, still shocked, for a moment before narrowing his eyes and giving you a bitter, "Yes Ma'am."

You instantly released your grip, letting him go. "Good, as long as we're on the same page, you can go back to your 'oh so important' work." You made you way back to the door but stopped just as your one foot passed the threshold. You turned slightly before saying in a low voice, "You know, you’re not the only one that lost people that day." You paused as so many faces flashed through your mind, all the friends you lost, even ones before the end of the war, all the faces that plagued your thoughts so often. "Survivor’s guilt is a hell of a thing, believe me, I know... we all know", and that's all you left him with before you quickly made your exit, desperately trying to keep the tears at bay, you weren't about to show him that kind of weakness in you, not when you had to stay strong, not when you had your family to protect.

You made your way to the front with the others, seeing Ezra and Sabine leaning on the rail, talking casually. Sabine was the first to notice you approaching. "Oh, hey General (Y/L/N)", she said, smiling as she turned to fully face you. Her smile quickly faded when she took in your expression. "Are you okay", she asked, her voice laced with genuine concern.

You stopped in front of her, finally looking up to meet her gaze. "Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah I'm alright", you replied, giving her a reassuring smile, hoping it was believable. "Oh, and you don't need to call me that. It's (Y/N). Not need for formalities with me, no matter what the boys say." She nodded, turning back to lean on the rail as you moved to stand between the two teens, copying their actions. "So, what were you two talking about before I interrupted", you asked, hoping that a casual conversation with some young bloods would help get your mind off of that upsetting talk you had only moments ago.

"Nothing much, just that you guys seem to have a pretty nice setup here, living the quiet life and all", Ezra said, gesturing toward the modified tank you were all currently on.

You chuckled. "I don’t know if quiet is the word I'd use, if there's one thing these boys are not, it’s quiet, but I get your meaning", you said, smiling at the young teen.

"It makes me wonder though." You turned at Sabine's words to look at the girl. "Wonder what", you asked.

"Well, I can see how this life is desirable for the clones, I mean I'm sure the war took its toll on everyone, but it must've even more so on them. So, a nice quiet life of isolation seems like a nice reprieve if anything else", she said, pausing to look at you, seeming to contemplate her next words before continuing her thought. "But you’re a jedi."

"And", you questioned, cocking an eyebrow.

"Well, all the jedi I know can't seem to stay in one place for very long, not unless there's a point to it anyway. Plus, if anyone should want the downfall of the empire, it should be the jedi. You guys were peacekeepers after all, and with the empire in control there hasn't been any true piece to be found. I don't know, I guess I just thought you'd be fighting with the rebellion, instead of hanging out here slinging for joopa with retired clone troopers." She looked at you with a confused expression.

You sighed before responding, "I get your logic, and you're right, if anyone deserves a quiet life away from all the violence out in the galaxy, it's the clones. We all went through it and it was bad for all of us, but they really got screwed more than any of us in my opinion. We at least had some semblance of a choice in the matter, but the clones, they were forced into a war they had nothing to do with, and not even a light at the end of the tunnel to work toward. Most clones had no idea what would happen to them after the war, or what they would do. If you ask me, these boys deserve much more than this 'quiet' life." You leant over the railing again, looking to the ground below. "You're right about the rest too. We were peacekeepers, at least, we were supposed to be, and I do want the empire to fall, but...", you paused, not sure why you were divulging so many of the thoughts you'd kept to yourself for so long, even during the war, you hadn't fully voiced your opinion on these topics with anyone but Rex, and that was only in confidence, in those precious moments when it was just the two of you, the world outside a distant thought as you held each other and talked throughout the night. These and other hard topics would come up now and then, but you'd never have thought that you'd be here telling those same thoughts to two teens who you'd only just met earlier that day. You realized it was because, for reasons unknown to you, you trusted them, and you guessed that was enough. "When the war ended, and the empire took power, I was lost. We all were", you continued. "Ahsoka, Rex, and I, we were together when it happened, and if it hadn't been for that, well, I don't know where I'd be right now. Maybe I would've joined the rebellion, if I had somehow been able to survive on my own. But that's not how things played out. I was able to keep those closest to me and then I had a decision to make. Join another fight and risk the one thing that gives my life purpose or keep them safe and away from the danger." You stood straight, looking to Sabine. "We all have a choice, and I made mine. I chose family, I chose him."

"Rex", she said, confident in her understanding of your words. You gave her a short nod, then looked away, staring at the empty landscape before you.

It remained silent for a moment until Ezra spoke up, wanting to voice the question that had been on his mind. "Rex said that he never betrayed his jedi, is that true?"

You smiled, turning your attention to Ezra now. "Yes, it's true. It wasn't easy though, those damn chips really did their jobs well. I had never seen him fight so hard against anything the way he did with that thing. Imagine fighting your own body and mind simultaneously because that's what he did, for us. He didn't want to hurt us, and his hesitation gave us the chance we needed to escape. I had never been more relieved than I was to see that damn thing removed from his head. I owe Ahsoka a lot for that, it was her quick thinking that saved him in the end. Well, her... and Fives", you said, a sad expression taking over your features as you thought of your fallen friend, and the sacrifice he made trying to save you all.

"Who's Fives", you heard Ezra ask from beside you.

"A good man, one of the best, who deserved better", you said somberly.

The silence that settled over the three of you was thick with conflicting emotions and full of unasked questions that you were sure would stay that way, which you were grateful for.

You almost jumped at the sound of the door sliding open behind you, turning around to see Rex coming though it towards the three of you. "I've assembled a list of potential bases and clearance codes and a few protocols the imperials still use. Should be of some use", he tells Ezra, who promptly thanked him. Sabine then went inside to collect some data tapes. Rex came to stand beside you. "So, what'd I miss out here", he asked, looking between you and Ezra.

"Oh, nothing much, just telling the kids some old war stories", you said, trying to make it sound as if it had been as simple as that.

"Oh yeah? Hope they were some of the good ones", he said, grinning at you.

"Were there any good ones, because I don't remember the war being all that fun." You hadn't even noticed Kanan enter the vicinity. You instantly frowned and crossed your arms, giving him a look that told him not to test you. He heeded the warning and turned away from you all, looking outward and shaking his head in disapproval, but he stayed silent.

"Actually, (Y/N) was telling us about what you did for her and Ahsoka, about how you saved them", Ezra interjected.

Rex scoffed at that. "If memory serves, it was the other way around. Without her and Commander Tano, I don't think I'd be standing here today", he said, looking back to you, his gaze turning to one of pure adoration. You couldn't help but smile back at him.

Ezra smiled, a knowing look in his eye. "So, I guess you were telling the truth after all. You didn't betray your jedi."

You both turned your attention back on the boy. "Nope. Even married one of 'em", he responded, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you flush against his side. “Best decision I ever made too.”

You sent a sideways grin his way. “Yeah, only took you forever to ask”, you said, finally dropping your arms to mimic his hold and wrap one around his waist.

He laughed, “Sorry cyar'ika. I would’ve asked sooner but we were in the middle of a war.”

“I know, I know”, you said, lifting your free hand to let it caress his cheek lightly before coming to rest your curved finger under his chin. “I just like messing with you”. Rex continued to grace you with a soft smile. But soon your quiet moment was ruined by someone’s loud scoffing, causing you to drop your hand and glare at the offender. “You have something to say, Ponytail”, you asked, your hand now going to your hip, your other staying securely around your husband, acting as your lifeline to sanity. You knew you shouldn’t let this guy rile you up, but you couldn’t help it, he was just so infuriatingly stubborn and took every chance he could to be rude.

“Yeah actually, I do have something to say…”, he started to say, but Ezra tried to intervene.

“Kanan, maybe you shouldn’t. They’re doing us a favor here remember. So maybe we should be, oh I don’t know, nice”, he said, giving his master an almost pleading look.

Kanan scoffed once more, crossing his arms over his chest. “Nice, you want me to be nice? I don’t know Ezra, it’s kind of hard to be nice to someone who not only chooses clones over her own people, but then come to find she broke her code to have a relationship with one of them. Then to top it all off, she goes off to conspire with the traitors”, he said, raising his voice.

You let go of Rex to cross your arms as well, but feeling the rage start to build in you Rex kept his hold on you, knowing if he didn’t this might turn into an all-out fist fight, or worse. “My people huh? Well, I don’t know how things were for you in the order, but let’s just say that by the end of the war, my faith in the jedi was heavily skewed. I couldn’t trust the order anymore, not like I used to. The only people I could truly trust were my friends and my men, and most times they were one in the same. I know you have a chip on your shoulder when it comes to clones, and, as I said before, I get it. However, I can tell you something with absolute certainty, and that is that my husband is no traitor. Rex is a good man, and loyal as hell. For as long as I’ve known him, never once has my faith in him been shaken, not even on that day. He would’ve laid his life down to save Ahsoka and I, damn near did too, just like countless times before. So many of those men risked their lives for me and the other jedi over the course of the war, and I can never thank them enough for that. I knew my men, and they never would’ve turned on us unless they were forced to. It was out of their control, and I can never hold hatred in my heart for them because of it.” You lowered your arms to rest at your sides, deciding you didn’t want to start another fight, and sighed. “Look, I know I can’t tell you how to feel, and I know you’re angry and still grieving. I also know that, that pain will never truly go away.” You see his angry expression falter a bit at your words, his arms releasing a small amount of tension. “I’m sorry about your master, but don’t let her death shape your feelings towards everything that reminds you of it. Don’t let your feelings blind you from the truth.”

He looked you square on the eye then. “How do you know you aren’t letting your feelings blind you from the truth”, he asked bitterly.

You gave this some thought before answering. Meeting his eyes, you said, “Because, at the end of the day, I never let those feelings control my actions. I could love Rex and still do my duty and so could he.” You gestured to Rex, who was now watching you as you spoke. “We never let our relationship get in the way of our responsibilities.”

“She’s right”, Rex spoke up, finally taking his eyes from you to direct his words to Kanan. “Even though it might’ve been hard sometimes, we never let anything keep us from dutifully serving the republic. We had agreed in the very beginning, nothing would sway us from playing our parts in the war, not even our love for each other.” He looked to you with a solemn expression, and you knew he was reliving the same memories that you were in that moment. Remembering all the times you two had parted ways, off on your own missions, saying a bitter goodbye, not knowing if it would be your last.

You were snapped out of your memories when Kanan finally spoke, “That… that must’ve been tough.” You both looked back to him but kept silent so he could finish. “Living day in and day out, with that fear of not knowing what day might be your last was something I think we all felt during the war, and that was hard to cope with at times. But to have that and feel that same fear for another person at the same time… that couldn’t have been easy, and I can tell you that to an extent, I understand how that is now. You never know what’s coming, and you can only hope that the person you care for survives it all, because if they don’t… well, you don’t know what you’ll do.” Kanan’s eyes were cast to the ground beneath him, a sullen look adorning his features.

Ezra stared at his master with a sad but understanding look. Clearly, he knew of who Kanan was referring to, you thought.

After letting a thick silence fill the area around you all for some time, you finally decided it was time to try and end this squabble, for real this time. You cleared your throat. “So… can we come to a truce then”, you asked, stepping from Rex’s hold and moving toward Kanan, holding out your hand for him to shake. He eyed it for a moment, then looked up to meet your eyes. You gave him a hopeful lopsided grin and a little shrug. Come on, what do you have to lose.

He slowly extended his hand, grabbing yours in a firm handshake. “Okay, truce, but I’m still going to be keeping a close eye on you all while we’re here”, he said with a serious tone before he gave you a small grin.

You let out a light huff of laughter and said, “I’d be surprised if you didn’t.” You released his hand and made your way back into your husbands waiting arms. You gave each other a quick hug before turning back to face Ezra who was now smiling at the two of you. “Well, I’m glad that’s settled. So, can we all be friends now”, he asked, making all three of you chuckle.

Suddenly the door next to you slid open and Sabine emerged looking upset, waving a holopad in the air. You were about to ask her what was wrong, but she spoke first. “The clones gave us up. They warned the Empire we’re here”, she said in a huff.

“Wait what”, Ezra asked, shocked.

“You’re mistaken. We would never do that”, Rex said, reaching for the holopad, clearly confused.

Sabine snatched it away from his grasp. “I found the binary transmission to the Empire”, she said, pointing to the screen in her hand, “and there are messages Ahsoka sent to Rex and (Y/N) that they never answered.”

“What”, you and Rex said simultaneously.

“We never got any messages from Ahsoka”, you stated, peering to look at the screen of the holopad that Sabine had handed over to Rex.

“See I knew it, I knew they couldn’t be trusted”, Kanan said, walking toward Rex, pointing accusatively.

“Kanan wait”, Ezra said, holding a hand up to stop the man’s approach. He then turned to face you, Rex, and Wolffe, who had just joined you, and asked, “Is this true?”

Rex just stared at the screen for a few seconds before you saw a flash of realization light in his eyes. He then turned to the man behind you. “Wolffe, what did you do”, he asked, not sounding too happy. You turned around to look at Wolffe, who now had his back turned to you all.

“I…I contacted the Empire. If they found out we were helping jedi they’d wipe us out”, he said, still with his back to you.

“Wolffe how could you”, you asked, not being able to fully hide the hurt from your voice.

Wolffe turned to face you with a saddened expression, your voice clearly working on his emotions. “I… I’m sorry, I didn’t… I just… I’m sorry”, he said, looking to his feet shamefully.

You could hear Kanan speaking behind you, but you weren’t paying attention to what was being said, too focused on wrapping your head around why your friend would do this.

“Why Wolffe, why would you put us at risk like this”, you asked.

“I… I just wanted to protect us, they’d kill us if they knew we were harboring jedi”, he said, looking back up at you.

“Hello, you’ve been harboring a jedi for years now, why is this any different?”

“No, you’re not, I mean, you haven’t been a jedi in a long time, if anything your one of us now.”

“The Empire won’t see it that way”, you said, looking at him with a disappointed frown. “So, what was your plan exactly, call the Empire and let them capture the jedi, do who knows what to them? Were you gonna let them take me too?”

His eyes went wide, and he looked right into yours. “No! No, I would never let them hurt you, we would never let them hurt you. You’re family, aliit. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking straight, I know that now. Please forgive me (Y/N)”, he said, looking at you like a dejected puppy. You knew you couldn’t stay mad at him for long, especially since it clearly was a mistake on his part, and not a totally conscious one. Wolffe struggled with things like this sometimes, forgot who was truly responsible for all that happened, and wasn’t always sure of who he could trust. The only exceptions being his brothers and you. He knew he could always trust his family. This is why you found it hard to continue to be upset with him, so instead you gave in with a heavy sigh and wrapped your arms around him in a hug. He responded by hugging you back, whispering another shame filled apology.

“I know, I forgive you Wolffe”, you say before pulling away to look him in the eye, “but you have to make this right. These people are not the enemy, they’re our allies, and we have to protect them too.”

He searched your eyes for a moment, and in seeing your resolve gave you a tight nod, confirming that he’d found his own.

***

As it turned out, fixing Wolffe’s mistake wasn’t going to be as easy as you had thought. Unbeknownst to you, there had been a probe droid on board watching you all, for how long you weren’t sure, but it managed to damage the Phantom’s engine, which meant your new friends were stuck with you all for the time being, something you could tell didn’t make Kanan to happy. Rex had managed to destroy the probe, but the Empire was still on its way, and all you could do was prepare for the inevitable fight that was to come.

Everything happened quite suddenly, and before you knew it the Empire had arrived. They were using some new contraptions that neither you nor the clones had ever seen before, the others called them “walkers”. While impressed, the boys quickly stopped their analysis of the machines and came up with a plan. Retreat into the sandstorm that was brewing behind you to scramble their scanners and use the jedis’ force sight to maneuver your way out. This worked, but the imperials were soon gaining on your position once more. Once you exited the storm Rex instructed the others to leave, with the walkers still in the storm this was their only chance to escape back to their ship without being shot down. Most of them were on board with this plan, but Ezra didn’t want to leave you all behind.

“We can’t just abandon them”, Ezra said, still trying to convince Kanan to let them help you.

“You’re not abandoning anyone. We’re covering your escape. Now go”, Rex said in a commanding tone. He then turned to you and in a softer, but still authoritative voice said, “(Y/N), I want you to go with them.”

“What”, you asked incredulously. “No way.”

Rex sighed and took your hands in his. “Please cyare, those things are going to overrun us, and I don’t want you to be here when they do. I want you to escape with them, I want you to be safe”, he said, his eyes pleading with you to listen, just this once, but you wouldn’t have it.

“No Rex. If you’re going to fight, then so am I, and if this is where it ends, then I’m going to be right here beside you”, you tell him, releasing yourself from his grasp in order to bring your hands to cup his face, bringing his forehead to meet yours. Your eyes close as you say your next words. “If we’re going to die, then we’re going to do it like we’ve done everything else, together.”

You hear Rex sigh once more and you open your eyes to look at him. A small grin starts at the corner of his mouth, “You’re so stubborn, you know that?”

You chuckled lightly. “Yes, I am, and that’s why you love me”, you said, raising an eyebrow and giving a cocky grin. He shook his head at you, but relented, knowing full well he was not going to win this argument.

You both looked back to Ezra who still stood at the entryway of the Phantom, looking sadder than you’d seen him yet. You frowned and walked over to him, placing your hands atop the boy’s shoulders and bending down so you were at eye level. “Hey, it’s okay, we’ll be alright. We have each other’s backs, and that’s all we’ve ever really needed. Besides, we’ve faced worse than this”, you say, trying to reassure him.

“It’s just…”, he started, but you cut him off with a light shake of his shoulders.

“Come on, you gotta focus here. The most important thing for you to do right now is get out of here and get that information back to the rebellion, got it?” He nodded and looked to his feet. You hooked a finger under his chin and brought it up so he would look at you. “You did great out there you know, keep that up and you’ll make one hell of a jedi someday”, you said with an encouraging smile. He gave you a sad smile back before suddenly launching toward you, catching you in a tight hug. You were surprised at first, but soon hugged him back, smiling at the gesture. You had never had any kids of your own, but you thought that this might be close to how motherhood would feel. You had just met this kid, but you were already very proud of him and the actions he had displayed over the time he’d been with you, and although you were sad to see him go you knew he’d be alright, and that brought you an unexpected sense of comfort. A few moments later you finally pulled away, smiling as you told him, “Now go.”

Ezra nodded again, this time a little more confidently, and backed into the starfighter. You moved, walking backwards, stopping to stand next to Rex as you watched them take off. Once they were airborne you turned to your husband with a knowing grin. “So, do we have an actual plan for taking those things down, or are we just winging it”, you asked.

He chuckled. “Well, unless you have any last-minute ideas, I think winging it is our only option”, he said, shrugging.

“Good”, you said, placing your hands on your hips, “Because that was my idea.” He laughed at your sudden perkiness, it reminded him of the old days when you two would exchange snarky comments in the heat of battle, it made the terrors on the battlefield a little easier to deal with and often helped to temporarily relieve his stress. “Now, let’s get to work”, you said and began to walk to the front of the tank. Before you could get more than two steps away you felt a tug on your wrist and were suddenly pulled against Rex’s chest. You looked up at him, a slightly surprised look on your face. He smiled and brought a hand to the back of your neck, bringing you into a deep, passionate kiss, which you immediately melted into, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in even more. You knew this fight would most likely be your last and it was clear he was thinking the same, so you decided to make this moment last, and just marvel in the love that was held there between you. After a few seconds, that were much too short for your liking, you both pulled away but still held onto one another, foreheads lightly touching, for a while longer.

“Whatever happens, I just want you to know that you’re the best thing to ever happen to me. I’m glad I chose love over following the rules, I’m glad I chose you”, Rex said, cutting the silence that had built between you two.

You smiled at his confession, “I’m glad I chose you too Rex. I love you.”

“And I love you (Y/N).” You slowly released one another and shared one more loving glance before you each were heading off to your stations to prepare for the fight that was about to ensue.

You went to stand at the front of the tank, detaching your sabers from your hips and holding them, still deactivated, at your sides while Rex manned the cannon. “Wolffe, bring us around”, you heard him yell to his fellow trooper. The tank began to turn, changing its direction to head straight for the walkers now in front of you.

As you made your approach the walkers began blasting the tank. You blocked a few shots with your sabers but weren’t able to deflect them all since they were shooting from two separate angles. One blast had the tank faltering and falling in the front, causing you to have to hold on to the railing in front of you so as not to fall. You looked behind you to the trooper driving the huge machine. “Wolffe, get us level”, you yelled to him.

“Yes General”, he said firmly. He then pulled the levers in his hands toward him and upwards, causing the tank to begin to lift in the front before finally being back on its feet once more. You took your defensive stance up again once you were able to get your footing. You were coming up quickly on the walkers and were desperately trying to come up with a crazy plan to take them out, if memory served you the craziest plans always seemed to be the most effective. You were halfway through your thinking when you heard Wolffe shout from behind you. “I’m going for the legs, all four of them.”

You turned to him with an incredulous look. “Are you crazy, there’s no way that’ll work”, you said, raising your voice over the commotion surrounding you.

“Never know until we try”, he responded.

You were about to argue against the idea until you remembered your previous thought. It was a crazy idea, so it just might work. You jump to the position right above him, looking down through the glass. “Alright then, have at it Commander”, you told him encouragingly.

He nodded and pushed forward, ramming the tank into the walker ahead. It seemed to be working, until it wasn’t, the tank now with its front legs halfway up the walker’s. You were almost sure that you would all be turned upside down any minute. You thought fast. You did have one plan, maybe impossible given your lack of practice over the years, but it was worth a shot. However, before you could put your plan into action you heard Rex shouting from somewhere behind you. “Come out and fight, you cowards”, he yelled to the men in the walker. He was standing on top of the cannon, and right in the line of fire. You cursed at him internally before leaping toward him, landing right in front of him, sabers ready to block the inevitable blast. Although, it never came. Before they could retaliate, the walker was shot from the side, throwing it off balance enough to distract them from their attack. You looked to see the Phantom fly under it and make its way to the second walker, you then saw Ezra, Kanan, and Zeb jump from the starfighter and land on its head before using their sabers to cut the hatch off and enter the machine. You grinned, and before you could voice the thought, Rex did it for you. “Just like the old days”, he said.

You turned, still grinning, to look at him. “Speaking of…”, you didn’t finish before running up the barrel of the cannon, replacing your sabers on your hips along the way.

“Wait, what are you doing”, he asked, concerned.

“Can’t let them show me up now can I”, you asked him, sending a playful wink over your shoulder. You used your higher position to launch yourself upward toward the first walker and was able to grab onto one of the blasters on the side of its head. You then swung yourself toward the top, landing much more gracefully than you’d expected to. You then drew your sabers and repeated the actions of the other two force-wielders, cutting a hole in the head and jumping down into it. You took your attack stance as soon as you were in, but when you looked around there was no one there. Walking to the control panel, you looked out to see the scene below and a movement from your right caught your eye. It was the imperials that had been manning the very walker you were in now; they had evacuated and were now fleeing on a speeder bike. “Huh, they really are cowards”, you said out loud to yourself.

Rex was below, now back in his seat behind the cannon. He was waiting to take the shot until he knew you were out. He wasn’t about to take that risk and was about to call the whole idea off when he saw something shoot out the head of the walker. He squinted to see better and nearly jumped out of his seat when you landed on the barrel of the cannon, giving a little mischievous grin when you noticed you’d startled him.

Rex shook his head. “So, did ya get ‘em”, he asked, eyebrow cocked and grinning back.

You jumped down, coming to stand next to him. “Nah, those hut’unns turned tail before I could even get to them. Took off that way”, you said, pointing in the direction you saw the speeder go.

“Oh, well then I guess there’s no need to blast this thing then”, he said, gesturing to the walker, “and just when we got the power restored, ah well.” You could see the slight disappointment on his face.

“You could still blast it you know”, you told him.

“To what purpose, they’re already gone.”

You laid a hand on his shoulder. “For no other purpose then the satisfaction of seeing this hunk of junk fall”, you said with a smile.

He grinned at you. “Have I told you how much I love you lately”, he asked.

You bent down so your face was next to his. “Yeah, but it’s always nice to hear it anyway”, you said, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before straightening and standing behind him.

Rex took the shot and you all watched as the walker fell to the ground. “You were right, that was satisfying.”

***

You and Rex had decided to leave the quiet life behind for now and join the rebellion, after a bit of convincing from Ezra and Sabine that is. You had said your goodbyes to Wolffe and Gregor before you left.

“So, I guess this is goodbye then”, Wolffe said, looking a bit downcast.

You laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. “For now, but we’ll all see each other again”, you said, giving him a reassuring smile.

He gave a breathy chuckle. “Did the force tell you that”, he asked sarcastically. He always loved messing with you like that.

You rolled your eyes. “No, but it didn’t need to, I just know. Besides, you guys can’t get rid of us that easily”, you said smirking at them.

Gregor came to stand beside you draping an arm over your shoulders. “Well good, because we don’t want to”, he said, smiling wide. You laughed. Gregor was always the one to lighten the mood, always the chipper one, and so damn optimistic that it almost annoyed you sometimes, but you had to love him for it. You loved all your boys for who they were and for what made them unique, this affection only grew after the war when you all decided to live together in seclusion, and you got to know them better.

During the war it always seemed like there wasn’t enough time to properly get to know all your men, especially the ones outside of the 501st, who you’d been more often affiliated with. However, on the rare occasions where you did work outside of your Legion you tried to widen your friend group, meeting other troopers and their commanding officers, befriending all who would have you. As a jedi you knew this wasn’t advised seeing as you were not to form attachments and all, but at the time you really didn’t care, still didn’t in fact, and looking back you were glad you hadn’t. You knew that throughout the war you would lose many of these friends, and it wouldn’t be easy, but you had accepted that and would take it in stride as it came, because in the end you knew that these friendships would do more good than hurt. Sometimes, a lot of times, all these men needed was a good friend, an ear to listen to the chaos within their minds after hard battles, and on occasion even a shoulder to cry on. You were willing to be all these things for them and did it with as much grace and kindness as you could. It was due to this that it was so easy for Wolffe and Gregor to trust you after the war. Even with their chips removed, they were still confused for a long while, not knowing who to trust but each other, but with you they found it to be much easier, remembering all the times you had been there for them and their men and knowing you would never do anything to betray their trust. Yes, you loved your newfound family, and you’d do anything to keep them safe, which is why you’d finally agreed to join the fight to take down the Empire, it was the only way to make sure they’d never come after your men again. Although, it was still hard to say goodbye.

You looked between the two men, an almost sad smile forming on your face and before you could even think you’d brought them both into a tight hug, one which they returned in kind. “Just don’t do anything too reckless while we’re gone, okay”, you requested, pulling back with a kind smile and wiping the tear that had fallen down your cheek away with your fingertips.

“We’ll do our best General”, Gregor stated with a nod. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes at him for addressing you by rank, you weren’t going to argue, not now.

Rex came to stand beside you, facing his brothers. “You both did excellent work today, I have no doubt you’ll handle yourselves in whatever is to come, but let’s hope you won’t have to”, he said with a grin, clapping them both on the shoulder.

“Well, if you ever need us, you know where to reach us”, Wolffe said, clamping his hand over Rex’s forearm, a gesture you had seen exchanged from brother to brother many times before, and it brought a warm feeling to your chest every time. Rex nodded before releasing them and bringing an arm to wrap around your waist, its constant home over the years. “You two stay safe alright? I don’t want to have to find replacements for you, not that there even is such a thing”, Wolffe said with a sideways grin.

You smiled at this and then straightened your posture, giving your men a formal salute and holding it, Rex following suit, standing in the same position beside you. The two commanders returned the salute. After a moment you relaxed and returned to a normal standing position, everyone else doing the same. “Until we see each other again”, you said.

“Until we see each other again”, the two men echoed your words simultaneously.

***

You had docked the rebel ship and were following the Ghost crew down the brightly lit hallways before turning a corner and coming to a stop. You knew before they parted to let you both pass who would be standing on the other side, you had felt her familiar force signature as soon as you had boarded.

Rex stepped forward first, walking toward the smiling togruta. “Commander”, he addressed his old friend. “You got old.”

Ahsoka chuckled. “Had to happen sometime Rex”, she replied. She looked hesitant for a moment before embracing him in a tight hug.

You watched the interaction between the two, smiling to yourself, realizing just how long it had been since you had seen your friend, it felt like ages now. As you were in this train of thought Ahsoka pulled back from the embrace and suddenly looked over his shoulder, something catching her eye. “(Y/N)”, she said, it almost came out as a sigh.

Ahsoka walked to you and pulled you into a tight embrace as well, which you happily returned. “Hey Ahsoka, it’s been a while”, you said with a laugh.

Releasing each other from the hug, you both looked at one another. “I think that’s a bit of an understatement”, she responded, giving a light laugh of her own before the two of you turned to Rex.

“We’re just glad you’re still alive”, he said to her. You put a hand on her shoulder, giving a confirming nod.

“You too”, she said, looking between you and Rex.

“Well, we wouldn’t be if it weren’t for these guys”, Rex stated, gesturing to the crew behind you.

“Thank you for trusting my friend”, Ahsoka said, seeming to direct her thanks mainly to Kanan, who was surprisingly much less angry than you last remember sensing.

“It wasn’t easy”, Kanan confessed to her, “It still isn’t.”

You and Rex shared a saddened glance and you silently wondered if Kanan would ever come around, but you also made the decision to try not and push the topic, not now at least.

“Nothing worth doing ever is”, Ahsoka told him, and with that you all walked to the command center, for a rebellion is not built on pleasantries.

***

After a brief discussion of the next course of action, you had been dismissed to settle in, and were led to the room that you and your husband would be sharing for the time being. Before you could even sit down there was a knock at the door and you were surprised to find it was Sabine, asking to borrow you for a little while. You had agreed, albeit a bit hesitantly, wondering what the young girl could possibly need you for, especially with that excited glint in her eye. You shrugged at your confused spouse before following her out of the room.

Awhile later you returned, quite pleased with the outcome of your little surprise endeavor with the Mandalorian girl, who was very happy with herself when all was said and done. You entered your shared quarters and stopped just after entering, letting the door slide shut behind you. This got Rex’s attention and he turned to you from where he was seated, his smile dropping as soon as he properly laid eyes on you, his features morphing into a look of shocked admiration, and quickly closed his mouth that had opened in a slight gape.

He blinked a few times before finally speaking. “Cyar’ika you look…”, he started to say, but found he couldn’t think of the proper word to articulate what he was thinking at the moment.

You smiled. “You like it”, you asked, bringing your hands up to touch your hair, which was now styled in a way that complemented the shape of your face perfectly and now sported dyed blue tips. Sabine had also given you a fresh pair of clothes that she thought would fit you nicely. They did fit, even though they were a bit tighter than you would’ve liked, and the cut on the long-sleeved top was a bit lower than you were used to, but it was still high enough for you to consider it conservative, well conservative enough. Although, with the way your husband was staring at you now, you were grateful for these aspects, seeing just how much he was appreciating the way the outfit hugged your curves by the way his eyes scanned you from head to foot.

He stood and walked the short distance to you, taking your hands in his. “Like it? I love it, you look absolutely stunning, downright delectable even”, he said with a wicked grin.

You smacked his chest lightly, shaking your head. “And here I thought I married and gentleman”, you said, not being able to hide the grin that was forming.

“Oh, you did, it’s just that you have this incredible talent of pushing me to my limit at times, especially when you come in looking like this”, he said, eyeing you up again.

You blushed under his gaze. “Well, at least I know I’ve still got it”, you said, giving him a playful smirk.

He suddenly pulled you to his chest, wrapping his arms around your waist to keep you secure against him, your faces only inches apart now. “Cyare, you never lost it”, he said cocking an eyebrow as he continued to grin at you, and with that you pulled him into a loving kiss, one that he quickly leaned into and deepened.

You pulled away after a bit to make eye contact once more. Rex released one of his arms from around you to bring his hand up to your hair, lightly playing with the tips between his fingers. “I like the hair too, always did think this color suited you.”

You gave a slight shrug. “You know me, always more than willing to support my boys in blue.”

You both shared a small laugh before catching each other’s lips in another kiss, this one a bit more tender than the last.

“So is this a bad time to talk about how I might be wishing we'd rethought our decision about not having kids”, he asked in a low voice once you two parted from the kiss.

You blinked, surprised by the sudden shift in topics. “Umm, alright, what brought this on”, you asked.

He looked to the hand that was still playing with your hair, not wanting to make direct eye contact as he spoke his next words. “Well, it's just that, seeing you with Ezra earlier today, it made me realize, you'd make a great mother, and I almost feel like we've missed out on something special, and this isn’t exactly the first time the thought has crossed my mind. I’ve always wondered if we were making the right call not having a child of our own, but you seemed happy with our life together and I didn’t want you to ever feel pressured, I wanted it to be your choice, I still do.”

“Rex are you trying to tell me you want to have children”, you asked.

“Maybe, but not if you don’t, I mean… do you”, he asked, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“Well, I won't say I've never thought about it, especially in the early years of our relationship. I'd often wonder what it would be like to have a little version of you running around."

“Or you”, he said with a smile.

You smile. “I guess it would be nice to have an addition to the family, and I'm sure the boys would make great uncles. Well, maybe with some supervision”, you say, chuckling out that last part.

“Really”, he asked, clearly a bit surprised by your response.

“Rex, I know I won't be able to keep you for as long as I'd like, I accepted that reality a long time ago”, you said, sliding your palm against his causing him to let go of the piece of hair he was still holding and intertwining your fingers with his, “but maybe if I have something of you left after, something we created together, then maybe I'll be able to continue on because I'll still be living for you, or at least a part of you." You were desperately trying to keep the tears you felt building behind your eyes from making their way out. You hated thinking about this, your husband’s shortened life span was never a topic you wanted to think about for too long, it was a reality you did not care to observe in your everyday life, but reality it was, and you knew someday you would have to face it. Just not today.

He pulled you closer with the arm still around your waist. “Oh Cyar'ika, I love you so much”, he said, kissing your forehead.

“And I love you, with all my heart.”

“So, we're really doing this then?”

You giggled at his noticeable excitement. “Yes, we're really doing this”, you confirmed. He then let go of your hand and cupped your cheek, pulling you into a kiss so full of love it nearly took the breath right out of you. You laughed once you managed to pull away again, trying to get your next thought out. “We can start trying when we have some time to ourselves.”

“We have time now”, he said, swiftly moving his hands to firmly grip your hips and pull you flush against him. Your senses left you for a second, heat rushing to your face and chest at the implication, before you were able to compose yourself.

You chuckled, coming back to your senses. “Actually, we don't. We've been asked to help pick the location for the rebel base. They figured since we were the ones to give the intel that we'd be able to find the safest place. I'm sure they've already started reviewing the list, so we'd better get going”, you said, a bit annoyed at the fact, there were much better things you could be doing, but you did promise to do whatever you could to help in this rebellion. Damn, why’d you always have to be the responsible one?

Rex broke you from your inner ramblings with another heated kiss that had you weak in the knees. “Alright fine, but tonight you're all mine”, he said against your lips.

“Deal. Now let's go, we're late”, you said, still smiling like a lovesick teenager and reluctantly pulling away from his embrace, which he did not want to make easy, but eventually gave in and released you.

As you made your way to the door, trying to compose yourself once again, he spoke. “Hopefully soon you'll be the one who’s late”, he said, taking you by surprise yet again.

You turned and raised an eyebrow at him and jokingly asked, “Okay, who are you, and where is the Rex I married?”

He laughed, coming to stand in front of you and leaning in slightly. “What can I say cyar’ika, you’ve made me bold”, he said, giving you a mischievous smile.

You shake your head and opened the door, taking him by the hand and leading him out into the corridor. “Alright, alright. Come on Stud, we have to go”, you said and began making your way to the bridge of the ship, “and save the dirty talk for tonight okay?” You grinned at him over your shoulder, continuing to pull him along.

He smiled and quickened his stride to walk alongside you, lacing his fingers with yours. “Yes Ma’am”, he responded softly.

You couldn’t seem to keep the smile off your face, for several reasons. The main two being that you knew you had quite the night ahead of you, thank the force for the private quarters, and you were thrilled at the idea of having Rex’s child. You weren’t sure what this new future would hold for the both of you, but you were ready to find out.

[eleanorfenyxwrites]

After Each Midnight Begins A New Day

Extra #10a (chapter 2 of extra #10)

[Masterpost] [AO3]

The first chapter of this extra was baby Lan Zhan waking up in Cloud Recesses right after the time travel array - this is Wei Ying's side of that coin.

--

Wei Ying opens his eyes and instantly yelps in surprise, thrashing his arms and legs to try to break the dark prison he finds himself trapped in. He yelps again as his thrashing sends him tumbling straight through the wall and onto hard-packed ground and he looks around, wild-eyed, at the stars overhead, the nondescript alley around him, the jumble of crates he’d just found himself in the middle of and then knocked over in his struggles.

“Lan Zhan?” he calls and instantly freezes, eyes wide as he blinks owlishly up at the sky. “Lan Zhan?” he tries again and. Yep. His voice is awfully high pitched for a grown man. He lays there for a second longer just trying to think before he gives up and pushes himself to sitting with a little wince for some new bruises on his arms and chest that he’s pretty sure are shaped conveniently like the corners of some of the crates scattered around him.

“Ow,” he grumbles because he can, and then without his permission a giggle escapes his lips at the sound of his own voice. It sounds ridiculous! Of course he’s quickly realizing that he’s far smaller than he should be and even stunned as he is he’s absolutely capable of putting two and two together, but it’s still infinitely funny to hear himself talk. He sounds so tiny! What the hell is that about?!

“Lan Zhan?” he calls again, more loudly, but no response comes to him except for the sound of his lone, piping voice echoing off the buildings around him. Wei Ying scrambles to his feet, the laughter leaving him as quickly as it had come, as he looks around the otherwise deserted alley around him.

Right.

Childhood.

Not his favorite time.

Of course he doesn’t recognize precisely where he is - over the years of living on his own he had slept in so many places that it would be impossible to remember each specific one, even if his memory were good (which is certainly not the case, he’ll readily admit). Hell, he doesn’t even know how old he is or what year it is or what’s happened and what hasn’t - there are far too many variables in play for him to be able to pin anything about his own situation down all that definitively.

Well. After such a rude awakening there’s definitely no way he’s going to get back to sleep tonight (not to mention the fact that he still feels wired from the adrenaline of casting the time travel array mere minutes ago), so after another few moments of looking around to orient himself he digs through the pile of crates to find his little bundle of belongings and heads off towards the end of the alley that looks more promising than the other, determination written in every line of his little face.

Even in the middle of the night it doesn’t take him too long to find his bearings, and by the time he realizes where he is he knows that continuing to call for Lan Zhan, or look around for him, is going to be useless. They’d known that there was a possibility the array would separate them after all, Wei Ying just has to trust that since he came out of it safe and sound that Lan Zhan did as well, that he’s just in Cloud Recesses where he belongs. And actually the thought of his Lan Zhan also in the body of a child is so funny that he can’t help but laugh as he walks, though he makes sure to muffle it in the little bundle of things in his arms.

The laughter doesn’t last for long though as the yearning to see his husband only grows stronger and stronger while he wanders through the sleeping town looking for something he recognizes, entirely alone but for the light of the moon and the stars overhead. As much as he had once longed for this, for solitude and the chance to wander completely dictated by his own whims, he hasn’t felt that way in years - and in fact even when he had thought it was what he wanted it had been gradually soured by how desperately he missed his Lan Zhan.

He debates with himself as he walks. Wei Ying has made too many difficult decisions in his lifetimes to count, but despite what people think of him very few of them, comparatively, have been made with his own desires in mind. Right now, in this moment, there are only two things he wants.

He wants his husband.

He wants to go back to Lotus Pier.

The two are naturally contradictory, and while he knows it would be easier to accomplish the second simply by virtue of proximity, the longer he thinks about it the more uncertain he becomes.

His life in Lotus Pier the first time around had led to such horrid endings for the people he loves - for his family; for his martial siblings who had died defending the sect from the Wen and from him at Nightless City; for him. He and Lan Zhan came back with the desire to repair things, to give everyone a better chance than they had the first time. What if his part of that has to begin with staying away from the Jiang family? What if the best thing he can do for them is to never become part of their lives at all?

Though doing so would mean going to find Lan Zhan now rather than later, the pain of that actually makes him stagger, his shuffling footsteps stumbling and stuttering before he rights himself and breathes through the pain in his heart to keep walking.

He could go straight to Cloud Recesses. Between himself and Lan Zhan they could probably find a way for him to be allowed to stay. He could let the Jiangs be the family they were always meant to be. Jiang Cheng would never have to compete with him. Jiang Yanli would never have to grow up too fast to become a mother figure for him and Jiang Cheng to protect them from Madam Yu’s wrath. The four of them could be happy without his presence there to poison everyone slowly against each other.

He reaches a dock over a river and he settles on it for a moment to give his legs a rest and to think freely without having to also try to figure out where he’s going. He takes his shoes off to kick his tired feet in the water and he closes his eyes to think, taking deep, slow breaths in and out of the familiar smell of the water and the vegetation that flourishes around it. It’s been so long since he left Cloud Recesses, he’s nearly forgotten what the rivers and lakes of his first home smell like. How steady they make him feel.

The water is cool around his knobby ankles, soothing on his hot feet, and he tips his head back to let the moonlight bathe his face while a breeze plays through his hair.

He wants his husband.

But he’s not ready to leave Yunmeng behind.

He takes more slow, deep, steady breaths in and lets his thoughts slow with them until, unbidden, Lan Zhan’s low, smooth voice from mere hours ago fills his mind.

We will help our families with the wisdom we have gained.

A smile creeps onto his lips even as his heart aches in his chest for the idea of not seeing his husband for a long time - years, probably, as they grow and begin nudging things in the right direction in secret in their own spheres.

Will always find Wei Ying again.

Tears start dripping down his cheeks and Wei Ying scrubs at them with his sleeve. The love and longing he feels for his Lan Zhan is overwhelming in that moment until his shoulders hunch with it, until he’s crying into his threadbare sleeve and letting the relief that the array worked, the fear of waking up alone, and the pain of this reminder of his solitary childhood work their way out of him.

He sits there for a long time not even bothering to compose himself - there’s no audience, after all, and he’s not sure he physically could even if he wanted to.

As the tears slow and eventually stop, he scrubs a hand across his forehead as if that could help the tight ache his crying had brought on. He’s wished for Jiang Yanli’s comfort plenty of times of course, even (or maybe especially) once it was no longer possible to receive it. Now his longing to be held and talked to so kindly as she always has is so strong that before he can really think about it he’s jerking his feet out of the gently flowing river to shove his shoes back on and clamber to his feet to begin running.

He knows this river. He knows where it flows, he knows the towns along it, he knows the landmarks of it - it can lead him home.

Because no matter what other people say, no matter how conflicted he may feel about it, Lotus Pier is his home. For all the time he’s spent living in Cloud Recesses and for all the happiness he’s found there, it’s not home. Lan Zhan is his home, and if Cloud Recesses is where they need to be then he can do that, he can be happy anywhere. But Lotus Pier calls to him deep in his bones like no other place in the world.

He can help them. He can take what he knows now and make sure that the things that went wrong with his presence in the Jiangs’ life last time don’t happen again. He’ll make sure Jiang Cheng gets the recognition he deserves. Jiang Yanli will be allowed to have the childhood she was deprived of. Everyone he can possibly protect will survive. He won’t fail again, but first he has to get there. He’s in Yunping now (the irony isn’t lost on him). He can’t travel all that quickly as a child, especially as tired and malnourished as he is, but he can get to Yunmeng eventually, and once there he can immediately begin working to make sure his presence doesn’t end in disaster.

And if it looks like it will anyway then he can just run away to Gusu and find Lan Zhan so they can figure it out together.

He leaves the town behind and walks along the road until he’s too tired to go on just as the moon has descended close enough to the horizon to be hidden behind the trees and the sky to the east is beginning to lighten almost imperceptibly. He ducks off the path to scramble up into the first tree he finds with branches close enough to each other for him to tuck himself into, and he settles in to sleep.

----

It takes him a few days to get to Yunmeng at the pace he can maintain in his current state. It’s frustrating to have to travel so slowly but it can’t be helped, and in the end he gets where he’s going so he can’t be too upset.

He’s standing in front of the doors to Lotus Pier as the last of the day’s light slips from the sky in a glorious blaze of pink and orange, the shadows on the street already deep and cool in the evening hush. The smell of food drifts up from the town on the breeze and his chronically empty stomach gives a rebellious growl as the savory scent washes over him, but he already knows all too well that it’s useless to go down and beg for a taste. The best thing he can do is sit outside and wait, so he plops himself down just far enough away that anyone who wants to shoo him away will have to leave the manor to do it, and he waits.

And he waits.

And then, finally, in the small hours of the night as he’s nodding off he hears footsteps approaching from the direction of the town. He’s alert in an instant, his entire body tense with the urge to run for cover though he forces himself to stay still, eyes wide in the darkness to try to catch sight of whoever’s approaching.

The warm glow of a lantern grows brighter and closer and then his heart is jumping up into his suddenly tight throat when he catches sight of a face he had never expected to see again.

“Uncle Jiang,” he whispers, the title that he technically shouldn’t know yet slipping out on accident as he tries to choke down everything he’s feeling enough to actually do what he needs to do. Although, he supposes, the intense relief he feels at seeing the man could be explained away easily enough - he doesn’t need to hide it, just why he’s feeling it. “Uncle Jiang!” he says again, louder, and the man stops in his tracks, along with the handful of disciples with him who all tighten their grips on their swords as they search the darkness for the source of the cry. Wei Ying scrambles to his feet and with no thought for decorum or propriety or the fact that these disciples are wary that he may be a threat, he goes sprinting straight towards Jiang Fengmian.

“Wei Ying?!” the man gasps when he’s close enough to be lit up by the circle of light thrown by the lanterns and then, for the first time since he was an actual child, Wei Ying finds himself buried in Jiang Fengmian’s rich, sumptuous robes, the man’s arms around his back. He can’t believe in this moment that he almost hadn’t come back to Lotus Pier. This is his home, and this is his family. He’ll do whatever it takes to keep them safe this time, to make sure they live, and if in the end for some reason that means he needs to leave then he will, but the thought of having to stay away from them indefinitely, without ever being able to get close to them again, is too unbearable.

He becomes vaguely aware that Jiang Fengmian is picking him up and carrying him into Lotus Pier, that he’s giving directions to the disciples over his head in his usual mild tones, and Wei Ying has just enough presence of mind to fully realize that he’s home, he’s safe, before he promptly blacks out.

----

The air smells like sunlight and lotus blossoms, the damp, green, earthy scent of things growing, of flowing water and a life spent with the glitter of the lakes and the rivers shining in his eyes.

Wei Wuxian breathes deeply of it until it feels like it fills him down to his toes, the heat of it soaking in and warming him in a way Cloud Recesses has never been able to, not even with Lan Zhan there to sweeten each morning. This happens on occasion, his mind playing tricks on him, playing him dreams and memories as if they’re really happening again. It never lingers long, so Wei Ying has to appreciate it while he can.

He breathes deeply again, and again. His fingers twitch at his sides and he becomes aware of the dryness of his mouth and of his eyes behind his closed lids. A water-bird calls somewhere in the distance, quickly followed by others he can identify easily as a sedge of cranes.

And that’s..new, being able to hallucinate not only the feeling of Lotus Pier but the sound of it as well. The illusion is utterly complete from what he can tell, down to the lightweight blanket thrown over him that would never be of use somewhere as chilly as Cloud Recesses, not for him anyway since he no longer has enough qi to keep him warm in any temperature. He has a Lan Zhan though, who is a wonderful substitute, and a solidly comforting presence when he has to deal with the heartache of another illusion shattering.

He opens his eyes and turns his head to try to find his husband only to see..his room at Lotus Pier.

Abruptly the events of the last few days of frantic, half-delirious travel reassert themselves and he’s suddenly thrumming with adrenaline, his hands and legs shaking with it.

The array. Lotus Pier. Uncle Jiang.

“Shijie,” he gasps, eyes wide. “Shijie!!” He’s up and out of bed faster than an arrow from a bow. He’s already dressed in a set of pajamas that he’s 100% certain were nicked from Jiang Cheng’s room and he sees no point in trying to hunt down something more suitable to wear. Instead he just flings the door open and goes racing down the achingly familiar halls and breezeways that make up his home - his home - as he tries to think quickly. He has been allowed to sleep late and so the Sect is already up and bustling around him. He can hear the older disciples training with their swords a few courtyards away in the practice grounds, and the sweet laughter of the younger disciples closer by as they enjoy a free period between their lessons.

Jiang Yanli should, at this time of day, be somewhere out taking in the fresh air like the doctors have instructed her to do since she was a very small child. He’s a few years earlier than last time, he thinks, judging by his own size, but Jiang Yanil’s habits have been the same for as long as he’s known her, and most likely since well before he entered Lotus Pier back then.

Sure enough, he finds her in her favorite pavilion out on the water having a mid-morning snack with Jiang Cheng, who is certainly younger than Wei Ying remembers ever seeing him. He spares a few seconds of thought to mentally coo over how cute he is with his chubby cheeks and his trademark scowling pout already visible on his little face before he forces himself to actually think as he runs. He can’t call Jiang Yanli ‘shijie’, and he can’t throw himself into her arms either. As far as anyone is aware he doesn’t know her yet, and his behavior - running through Lotus Pier like he owns the place - is already strange. He can’t create cause for questions, not when he doesn’t know what will happen if he tells the truth, so at the last moment he does the only thing he can think of.

He flings himself under the protection of the table and curls up in as small of a ball as he can manage, as if he’s running from something rather than towards two of his favorite people in the entire world for a reunion they don’t even realize is happening.

“Oh!” Jiang Yanli exclaims, clearly startled, and Wei Ying can’t help but notice that she’s adorable too, still all baby fat and sweet, guileless eyes as she bends down to peer at him huddling under the table. She looks so sweet, and he vows on the spot that this time he’ll make sure that she gets to have everything that she wants. She spent her entire first life mothering him and Jiang Cheng, and while Wei Ying has perhaps missed a few steps (or more than a few) in the whole child-rearing department, he knows a thing or two about parenting now. He’s not sure how effectively he can parent his shijie while in the body of a child without letting on what’s happening, but he’s going to try his best if it comes down to it, if he can’t help Uncle Jiang and Madam Yu figure out how to do it properly themselves.

“Oh, it’s you!” she suddenly says, her whole face lighting up, and Wei Ying freezes, wide-eyed as he wonders just how in the world she can recognize him. For one wild moment he wonders if she is, somehow, the Jiang Yanli he knows, though he’s not sure how that could be possible. Thankfully he doesn’t have to wait for longer than a frantic few heartbeats before she clarifies. “I’ve been helping tend to you while you’ve been sleeping these last few days, Father said you’re our new shidi. Are you alright?”

Wei Ying blinks long and slow at that, at the consideration she had offered to a total stranger even as such a young child, and he realizes after a long moment that he’s about to cry. She’s just so kind and he’s missed her more than any words could ever hope to convey.

“Oh dear, shh,” she soothes instantly, slipping off her seat to kneel and reach out to him. “Don’t cry, it’s alright.”

“Hey why are you crying?!” Jiang Cheng demands suddenly, his shrill little voice loud and abrupt. “Jie is being nice!”

“What’s going on?” a new voice asks and Wei Ying goes utterly still, his eyes widening and then squeezing shut as a visceral fear, beat into him over the course of his years as a disciple, overtakes him.

“Mother,” Jiang Yanli greets, though she doesn’t move from where she’s trying to both comfort him and coax him out from under the table. “I think something frightened him, he came running here and hid under the table.”

Wei Ying tries to take slow, deep breaths and remember that this isn’t the childhood he remembers anymore. And that he had made himself a promise - helping his family meant Madam Yu as well. For all that they had butted heads and for all the ways that she had attempted to tear him down, she was still part of the family he had grown up as a part of, and he had mourned her untimely death as well in spite of the complicated nature of their relationship.

If this is going to work, he needs to set aside old fears and resentments to begin anew. For his own sake as well as for others’.

So when Madam Yu stops at the entrance to the pavilion Wei Ying gathers up his courage to wrestle down the anxiety coiling in his stomach, sends a mental prayer of apology to Cangse Sanren, and then does what he does best - deflects.

“Mother!” he sobs as he flings himself away from Jiang Yanli to dart across the space and lock his arms around Madam Yu’s legs. Let them think he’s hallucinating, or just scared out of his mind. Let them fuss over him and give him some breathing room before his presence becomes too much of an issue. Any time he can buy to attempt to soften her heart to him - or to at least convince her to brush him off as utterly not worth her attention even to compare him to her own son - is going to be valuable.

“Hey! She’s not your mom, she’s mine!” Jiang Cheng shouts, incensed, and Wei Ying feels tiny hands plucking at his clothes to try to pull him off of Madam Yu’s legs. He only clings tighter, buries his face in the voluminous skirts of her robes, and he doesn’t bother trying to keep the shivers of fear as he does so at bay.

“Enough, A-Cheng,” Madam Yu chastises when his shouting grows more insistent and a moment later his little fists are gone from the back of Wei Ying’s shirt. He takes a deep breath in to risk a peek up at Madam Yu, and almost unconsciously he finds himself already bracing for a flash of purple, for the crackle of Zidian in the air around him. But he’s just a child, and no matter how much Madam Yu has never liked him she didn’t whip him until he was much older and already well-established as the head disciple.

Now he looks up at her as she looks down at him and behind the chill of her expression, the anger, he can see something of wary..curiosity.

“Mother?” he tries again mostly to tweak her tail as he begins feeling a little bolder and that, at least, gets a reaction he recognizes when she raises a brow and presses her lips into a tight line of displeasure.

“No,” she retorts and, still playing his part, he flinches and hides his face in her skirt again. “A-Li, you said he came running here?”

“Yes mother. He ran straight in and hid under the table - he was just beginning to cry when you arrived.”

“I see. I will return him to his rooms, you and A-Cheng continue with your morning. I’ll come fetch you once I’m finished.”

“Yes mother,” both Jiang children chorus and Wei Ying yearns to stay with them but Madam Yu is reaching down to scoop her hands under his arms and he’s so startled that he doesn’t even think to protest as he’s settled on her hip. He buries his face in her shoulder to hide his utterly bewildered expression, mind moving a mile a minute to try figure out just what the hell is happening. Madam Yu is..carrying him. Through Lotus Pier. As if he were Jiang Cheng, as if he were deserving of her help getting back to his rooms. The only thing that keeps him from squirming down out of her hold and running off on his own is the need to keep his true identity a secret, but he’s practically vibrating with residual fear and deep confusion.

“I am not your mother,” Madam Yu says to him as she walks. “My husband is not your father. He is…” she trails off and Wei Ying stays silent and pliant, waiting on pins and needles for her to say that he’s nothing to Wei Wuxian but his Sect Leader. “He is your uncle,” she sighs and Wei Ying can’t quite resist pulling back finally to look at her, his face a mask of confusion.

“Auntie?” he tries, the word strange on his tongue as he looks Madam Yu in the eyes.

To be fair, she looks just as nonplussed about it as he feels, so he’s pretty sure this is already a marked difference he can make simply through the benefit of experience.

“Yes. Aunt,” she agrees slowly and, in the way of children, he forces himself to look satisfied with the answer he’s given and to nod before he lays his head down on her shoulder again. If she’s going to allow him to call her ‘aunt’, and if he’s going to maintain this fiction that he’s as young as he appears, then he’s just going to have to go with it until told otherwise. Children take what they’re told at face value, in his experience, and so if Madam Yu is going to be Auntie Yu then so be it.

No matter how weird that makes him feel.

The rest of the journey back to his rooms is silent as he suspects Madam Yu is as lost in thought as he is - most likely even about the same thing, which is...sort of funny. He giggles tiredly before he can stop himself and Madam Yu immediately huffs a sigh and shakes her head.

“You’ve been asleep for days and the first thing you’ve done upon waking is disrupt everyone’s morning and then laugh about it,” she chastises - with no bite. There’s a note of sternness in her voice, of course, but it lacks the venom that he has been the recipient of for as long as he can remember. Now he wonders if she had been so nasty to him since the day he stepped foot in Lotus Pier and he’s now managed to change her initial impression of him or if, the first time, he’d simply been unable to distinguish between her natural character and the mean streak that would appear later and had ended up thinking they were one and the same.

He pouts a little as he supposes he’s just going to have to get used to having questions he’ll never be able to answer. If the solution to that puzzle had ever in his life been available it certainly isn’t now and never will be again, and he’s just going to have to make his peace with that.

“Have you fallen asleep again?” Madam Yu asks and Wei Ying rouses himself from his thoughts with a deep breath to shake his head. And then, because it feels strangely nice, he burrows further into her neck and wraps his arms more tightly around her neck. It’s Madam Yu, yes, but he’s also very small and tired and he misses his husband and his son, neither of whom he’ll be able to see for much longer than he would ever prefer. And..it feels nice to be held and hugged by a mother figure - even one as tumultuous as Madam Yu.

“Auntie Jiang?” he asks, feigning ignorance of her name, and he feels the way she stiffens at being called by her husband’s name.

But she doesn’t correct him.

This is so weird.

“Yes?”

“What’s a ‘shidi’?”

“Where did you hear that word?”

“Nice-jiejie called me one.”

“Her name is Jiang Yanli and she is the young lady of this Sect, that is how you should address her.”

“Yanli-jiejie called me one,” he ‘corrects’ - he’s going to call her ‘jiejie’. ‘Shijie’ again if he must, but he refuses to be coaxed into thinking about her as anything other than his sister first and foremost.

“Everything like that will be explained to you later,” Madam Yu deflects a bit tartly, but she doesn’t correct him again (he’s sure it’s coming later) so for now he’s going to call Jiang Yanli ‘jiejie’ and he’s going to be emotional about it. For years, probably, if he’s being entirely honest.

“Auntie Jiang?” he asks again and this time her shoulders heave a bit with a heavy sigh.

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

Wei Ying can feel her surprise in the sudden tension of her shoulders again, but in the way that he’s quickly realizing must be a pattern, she says nothing of it and instead deflects again.

“Are you hungry?”

Before Wei Ying can answer a voice calls for them and he straightens up instantly to turn and reach out with one hand towards Jiang Fengmian approaching them looking a little harried. Madam Yu bends to set him down on his feet and he reaches out instantly to hold onto the skirts of Jiang Fengmian’s robes instead. He’s going to milk this opportunity to be doted on for all it’s worth as he’s sure it’s not going to last more than a day, perhaps two. He can allow himself to be selfish for a day.

“Wei Ying why did you run off?”

“Scared,” he answers simply and buries his face in the heavy silk in his hands to hide the little mischievous smile on his lips when Jiang Fengmian reaches down to rest a proprietary hand on his head. Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu have a conversation over his head that he doesn’t bother listening to, instead he just closes his eyes and listens to the cadences of their voices, to Madam Yu’s stern, businesslike tone and Jiang Fengmian’s much milder, more conciliatory responses. He’s not used to hearing them speaking to each other like this and not ending up in an argument, but perhaps this time around he’s shown up early enough that the fractures in their marriage are still small and fresh enough to be easily mended.

He’s going to try.

He allows himself to be led back to his rooms and back into bed. He eats eagerly when food is presented to him and he doesn’t pout when it’s taken away before he’s finished only because Jiang Fengmian promises him that he can eat again as soon as they’re sure he’s not going to get sick after being hungry for so long.

He’s five years old, Jiang Fengmian tells him, and he’s going to live with them in Lotus Pier. He’s going to train as a cultivator because he already has a golden core. (And when he blinks at that and turns his attention inwards he’s shocked to realize that he does have a golden core - Mo Xuanyu’s core. Or he supposes it must be his own core as he’s in his own body, but he’s maintained a similar level of training as the moment he had cast the array. That’s fascinating and he makes a mental note to check the strength of Lan Zhan’s the second they can see each other again, because if he’s walking around as a chubby-cheeked toddler with Hanguang-Jun levels of cultivation that’s going to be absolutely hysterical.)

Wei Ying is worn out enough from his physical state and his days of nonstop traveling that he gets sleepy again as soon as his belly is properly full, and Jiang Fengmian leaves off on explaining more things about cultivation (all of which he’s known since he was a child and so is having a difficult time paying attention to anyway) to instead help him lie down and tuck him in under his blankets to go back to sleep.

He doesn’t want to, he wants to see his siblings again and he wants to run around and explore this old Lotus Pier that has only existed in his best memories for far too long, but the exhaustion drags him under quickly and he supposes he’s got enough time to rest before he continues working on changing things here for the better.

He falls asleep with his mind racing and a smile on his lips. He’s finally home, and he’s going to make the most of it that he possibly can.

[xhxhxhx]

Thinking about Ross Douthat’s “The Age of Decadence” this morning:

“Do people on your coast think all this is real?”

The tech executive sounded curious, proud, a little insecure. We were talking in the San Francisco office of a venture capital firm, a vaulted space washed in Californian sun. He was referring to the whole gilded world around the Bay, the entire internet economy.

That was in 2015. Here are three stories from the five years since.

A young man comes to New York City. He’s a striver, a hustler, working the borderlands between entrepreneurship and con artistry. His first effort, a credit card for affluent millennials, yanks him into the celebrity economy, where he meets an ambitious rapper-businessman. Together they plan a kind of internet brokerage where celebrities can sell their mere presence to the highest bidder. As a brand-enhancing advertisement for the company, they decide to host a major music festival — an exclusive affair on a Caribbean island for influencers, festival obsessives and the youthful rich.

The festival’s online rollout is a great success. There is a viral video of supermodels and Instagram celebrities frolicking on a deserted beach, a sleek website for customers and the curious, and in the end, more than 5,000 people buy tickets, at an average cost of $2,500 to $4,000 — the superfluity of a rich society, yours for the right sales pitch.

But the festival as pitched does not exist. Instead, our entrepreneur’s plans collapse one by one. The private island’s owners back out of the deal. The local government doesn’t cooperate. Even after all the ticket sales, the money isn’t there, and he has to keep selling new amenities to ticket buyers to pay for the ones they’ve already purchased. He does have a team working around the clock to ready … something for the paying customers, but what they offer in the end is a sea of FEMA tents vaguely near a beach, a catering concern that supplies slimy sandwiches, and a lot of cheap tequila.

Amazingly, the people actually come — bright young things whose Instagram streams become a hilarious chronicle of dashed expectations, while the failed entrepreneur tries to keep order with a bullhorn before absconding to New York, where he finds disgrace, arrest and the inevitable Netflix documentary.

That’s the story of Billy McFarland and the Fyre Festival. It’s a small-time story; the next one is bigger.

A girl grows up in Texas, she gets accepted to Stanford, she wants to be Steve Jobs. She has an idea that will change an industry that hasn’t changed in years: the boring but essential world of blood testing. She envisions a machine, dubbed the Edison, that will test for diseases using just a single drop of blood. And like Jobs she quits college to figure out how to build it.

Ten years later, she is the internet era’s leading female billionaire, with a stream of venture capital, a sprawling campus, a $10 billion valuation for her company, and a lucrative deal with Walgreens to use her machines in every store. Her story is a counterpoint to every criticism you hear about Silicon Valley — that it’s a callow boys’ club, that its virtual realities don’t make the world of flesh and blood a better place, that it solves problems of convenience but doesn’t cure the sick. And she is the toast of an elite, in tech and politics alike, that wants to believe the Edisonian spirit lives on.

But the Edison box — despite endless effort and the best tech team that all that venture capital can buy — doesn’t work. And over time, as the company keeps expanding, it ceases even trying to innovate and becomes instead a fraud, using all its money and big-time backers to discredit whistle-blowers. Which succeeds until it doesn’t, at which point the company and all its billions evaporate — leaving behind a fraud prosecution, a best-selling exposé and the inevitable podcast and HBO documentary to sustain its founder’s fame.

That’s the story of Elizabeth Holmes and Theranos. It’s a big story. But our third story is bigger still, and it isn’t finished yet.

An internet company decides to revolutionize an industry — the taxi and limousine market — that defines old-school business-government cooperation, with all the attendant bureaucracy and unsatisfying service. It promises investors that it can buy its way to market dominance and use cutting-edge tech to find unglimpsed efficiencies. On the basis of that promise, it raises billions of dollars across its 10-year rise, during which time it becomes a byword for internet-era success, the model for how to disrupt an industry. By the time it goes public in 2019, it has over $11 billion in annual revenue — real money, exchanged for real services, nothing fraudulent about it.

Yet this amazing success story isn’t actually making any profit, even at such scale; instead, it’s losing billions, including $5 billion in one particularly costly quarter. After 10 years of growth, it has smashed the old business model of its industry, weakened legacy competitors and created value for consumers — but it has done all this using the awesome power of free money, building a company that would collapse into bankruptcy if that money were withdrawn. And it has solved none of the problems keeping it from profitability: The technology it uses isn’t proprietary or complex; its rival in disruption controls 30 percent of the market; the legacy players are still very much alive; and all of its paths to reduce its losses — charging higher prices, paying its workers less — would destroy the advantages that it has built.

So it sits there, a unicorn unlike any other, with a plan to become profitable that involves vague promises to somehow monetize all its user data and a specific promise that its investment in a different new technology — the self-driving car, much ballyhooed but as yet not exactly real — will make the math add up.

That’s the story of Uber — so far. It isn’t an Instagram fantasy or a naked fraud; it managed to go public and maintain its outsize valuation, unlike its fellow unicorn WeWork, whose recent attempt at an I.P.O. hurled it into crisis. But it is, for now, an example of a major 21st-century company invented entirely out of surplus, and floated by the hope that with enough money and market share, you can will a profitable company into existence. Which makes it another case study in what happens when an extraordinarily rich society can’t find enough new ideas that justify investing all its stockpiled wealth. We inflate bubbles and then pop them, invest in Theranos and then repent, and the supposed cutting edge of capitalism is increasingly defined by technologies that have almost arrived, business models that are on their way to profitability, by runways that go on and on without the plane achieving takeoff.

Do people on your coast think all this is real? When the tech executive asked me that, I told him that we did — that the promise of Silicon Valley was as much an article of faith for those of us watching from the outside as for its insiders; that we both envied the world of digital and believed in it, as the one place where American innovation was clearly still alive. And I would probably say the same thing now because, despite the stories I’ve just told, the internet economy is still as real as 21st-century growth and innovation gets.

But what this tells us, unfortunately, is that 21st-century growth and innovation are not at all what we were promised they would be.

I wonder if we’ll think about Silicon Valley the way we think about Texas wildcatters and Florida real estate hustlers. 

It’s not that there isn’t innovation in California. There is innovation in California. There was oil in Texas and real estate in Florida too. But their dilemmas are the same: the market has matured. The frontier is a confidence game, but the core is stagnant.

Facebook and Google monopolized social and search. They have the profits that newspapers used to have and broadcasters still do. Apple sells luxury products to the affluent, like the LVMH of Cupertino. They are not growing and innovating. They are insulating.

They acquire smaller firms that might threaten their business: Instagram, WhatsApp, Waze, DoubleClick. They do just enough to insulate themselves. They do no more. A little while ago, they challenged one another: Apple tried search, Google tried social. They don’t do that anymore.

It would be nice if they tried something new.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Any fics about hair? Whether it’s hair care or hair pulling, I don’t mind.

Hi Nonny!

Ah, I don’t have very many that deal SPECIFICALLY with hair, but more like hair is within the plot or one of the boys loves the hair! So here’s what I can remember; I know there’s another that’s 100% about hair (Sherlock wants to taste John’s hair and doesn’t know how to ask) and I can’t remember which one it is and it’s bugging me LOL. Anyway, here you are, everything that showed up in a search. I’ll also add Beard Fics too:

HAIR & BEARDS

See also: John Has a Beard

Upon Reflection, Tenable Frippery by emmagrant01 (T, 1,299 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4, John’s Beard, First Kiss, Fluff) – John was, inexplicably, growing a beard.

Untouched by KittieHill (E, 3,239 w., 1 Ch. || Kissing, Frottage, Virgin Sherlock, Body Worship, Sherlock’s Scars Mentioned, Masturbation, PWP, Rimming, Multiple Orgasms) – Sherlock leaked a lot. John had never needed lubricant. John loved watching it, had once spent an entire afternoon edging Sherlock so he could watch as the thick precome drip, drip, dripped onto Sherlock’s belly.

Love and Hair Dye by Anonymous (E, 3,920 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Body Worship, Self Conscious John, Voyeurism, Idiots in Love, Smutty Smut) – Self conscious John decides to cover the greys on his head, and the colour isn’t what he thought it would be. Now he’s more self-conscious than ever.

The Oolong Disaster by unicornpoe (T, 4,151 w., 1 Ch. || John’s Beard, Fluff, Humour, Frustrated Sherlock, John Takes Care of Sherlock, Case Fic-ish, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss, Possessive Sherlock) – John has a beard. Sherlock has a panic attack.

If He Knows by shamelessmash (M, 4,513 w., 1 Ch. || TSo3 Fic, Pining Sherlock, Bed Sharing, Angst, Sherlock POV, Texting, Internal Monologue, Blanket Forts) – I imagine mornings: John handing me a cup of tea, hair sticking out at odd angles. How he would bend down to kiss me, smiling fondly as he pulls away. The way his skin crinkles at the corner of his eyes, the way his skin looks in the morning light. The soft sigh as he sits in his chair with the morning paper, the way his toes curl in the carpet, the way he rolls his shoulders before sinking deeper into his seat. I watch him, how he is when he is content, as it should be. As he deserves. Happy. With me.

Facade by distantstarlight (M, 4,715 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, John’s Beard, No-Shave November, Grumpy Sherlock, Clueless Sherlock) – Sherlock is highly irritated with a challenge John has agreed to undertake. Why does he need to grow a beard anyway?

One Day Like This by nondeducible (E, 4,872 w., 1 Ch. || First Time, Bed-Sharing, Romance, Fluff, Virgin Sherlock) – When Sherlock emerged from the bathroom, the sight before him nearly took his breath away. The only light in the room was the small lamp on the bedside table. John’s skin shone like gold, his hair like the purest silver. He was on his side, facing the empty part of the bed, his outstretched hands ready to embrace whoever climbed in next to him. Sherlock could imagine, just for a second, that this was their shared bed and he was coming back to settle into John’s arms.

Survival Strategies for the Domesticated British Butthole by Atiki (E, 6,183 w., 1 Ch. || Crack, Rimming, Anal Sex, Iced Lolly, Hair Removal, Depilation) – In which there’s a rimming disaster, Sherlock depilates his butt, everything goes very, very wrong and groceries are mistreated. This fic contains hair removal creme in a butthole, ice lollies in a butthole and John Watson’s penis in a butthole. You have been warned.

The Death of Doubt by Gingerhermit (E, 6,584 w., 1 Ch. || Alternate Canon, BAMF John, POV Sherlock, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Hurt/Comfort, Angst/Drama, Meddling Mycroft) – Mycroft asks for John’s help in rescuing Sherlock from his Serbian captors.

The Tip Over Into The Inevitable by ivyblossom (T, 6,894 w., 1 Ch. || Grief, Cuddles, Insomnia, Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers) - When his father dies, Sherlock avoids sleeping. Then discovers he can’t sleep at all. John finds a way to help.

Onomatopoeia by aquabelacqua (M, 6,904 w., 1 Ch. || First Time/Kiss, Frottage, Dirty Talk, Domestics, Word Kink, POV Sherlock, Dry Humping / Sex, Chair Sex, Hair Pulling, Lazy Mornings, Hand Jobs, Friends to Lovers) – Something is the matter with John. Sherlock is determined to figure out what it is. Mark his words.

Beg for Mercy (Twice) by Solitary_Endeavor (E, 7,060 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Bottomlock, Bearded John, Edging, Rough Sex, Idiots in Love, Canon Compliant) – Sherlock hasn’t left the flat in four days, the itch of impatience beneath his skin too great to allow him to suffer interaction with any human being who isn’t John. This is probably a mercy that goes both ways, as he’s driving even himself mad. Sherlock supposes there is a lesson to be learned here about having himself to blame, but of course he blames Mycroft.

Of Razors, Pipes, Red Notebooks and Rugby Jerseys, Or: Sherlock Doesn’t Like His Doctors Clean Shaven by allonsys_girl (E, 7,313 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., PWP / Porn With Feelings, John’s Beard / Beard Kink, Roleplay, Love Declarations, Banter, Rimming, Anal, Domestic Fluff / Bliss, Idiots in Love, Emotional Lovemaking, Pet Names, Obsessive Sherlock, Sherlock POV, Bottomlock, Cranky Sherlock) – John grows a beard. Sherlock really likes it. Part 1 of Consulting Husbands

Christmas by Anonymous (E, 7,673  w., 1 Ch. || Worried Sherlock, PWP, Drunkeness, Christmas, Est. Relationship, Idiots So In Love) – John feels a lump rise in his throat, and it hits him, again, that this beautiful, infuriating creature is his. Completely, one-hundred percent his.

And if you say the word, I could stay with you by CaitlinFairchild (E, 12,842 w., 1 Ch. || Domestic Fluff, BottomJohn / Topping from the Bottom, Fluff and Romance, Dirty Talk, Proposals) – What Sherlock thinks is, On the day I die, be it in a dirty alley at forty or in my bed at eighty, the last thing I will remember is tonight, the way you looked at at me on the snowy pavement, cheeks pink with the cold, breath puffing in frosty white clouds, your heart in your eyes and snowflakes in your hair. I will remember that single perfect moment in my life, that moment I knew I had everything I ever wanted, and whatever happens next, I will die content. What he says is simply, “Marry me.”

Where Else Would I Be? by cwb (E, 34,910 w., 10 Ch. || Retirementlock, Domestic Fluff, Falling in Love, Parentlock, Fluff and Smut, Reminiscing) – John and Sherlock’s five-year-old granddaughter spends the weekend with them in Sussex. Sherlock happily indulges her whims, and John takes care of them while quietly revisiting the past thirty years of their lives together.

Albion and the Woodsman by Glenmore (NR [E], 54,437 w., 50 Ch. || Post S3, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst, Family, Drug Use, Depression, Sherlock POV) – Sherlock and John are devastated after Mary Morstan makes her final moves. Sherlock relapses at the crack house, John walks around the world … and a lot happens in between. Parentlock, in the good way.

The Thing Is by TSylvestris (E, 56,743 w., 21 Ch. || Case Fic, Dev. Rel., Anal/Oral, Blow Jobs, Meddling Mycroft, Drama, Romance, Humour, Casual Encounters, Pining Idiots, Possessive Sherlock, Orgasm Delay, Rough / Alley Sex, Public Sex, John Whump, Drugged John, Emotional Love Making, Awkward Relationship, Marriage of Convenience, Switchlock, BAMF John) – The problem with living with Sherlock, John thought, was that you never, never, ever knew the significance of anything. Like your flatmate’s nose buried in your hair. Whilst you’re in bed. Part 1 of Nitroglycerine

A Further Sea by i_ship_an_armada & ShinySherlock (E, 125,492 w., 23 Ch. || Historical Pirates AU || Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Doctor John / Pirate Captain Sherlock, Sailing, UST / RST, Masturbation, Action / Adventure, Mild Angst & Peril, Romance, Shaving, Molly/Janine, Bottomlock, Hand / Blow Jobs, Past Drug Use, Slow Burn, Mild Violence, Facial Shaving, Happy Ending) – Here be a tale of adventure for both body and soul, but beware if ye be not of stout heart, for this be piratelock, ya savvy? Luckless ship’s surgeon John Watson takes a chance, and finds himself eye to eye with The Ghost, the scourge of the seven seas and a definite thorn in the side of the blaggard, James Moriarty. But when John finds there’s more to this most cunning pirate than be meetin’ the eye, he has to choose… is it a pirate’s life for him?

MARKED FOR LATER

Curlock by 88thParallel (G, 1,285 w. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Sherlock’s Hair, Fluff, Ficlet) – How Sherlock learned to control and appreciate the incredible gift he was born with, and the man who helped him sort it out.

Of Razors, Pipes, Red Notebooks and Rugby Jerseys, Or: Sherlock Doesn’t Like His Doctors Clean Shaven by allonsys_girl (E, 7,313 w., 1 Ch. || PWP, Porn With Feelings, John’s Beard, Bottomlock, Domestics, Fluff and Smut, Banter, Declarations of Love, Rimming, Anal, Est. Rel.) – John grows a beard. Sherlock really likes it. Part 1 of Consulting Husbands

How to Sleep with Your Enemy in One Semester by 221b_careful_what_you_wish_for (M, 9,699 w., 6 Ch. || College / Uni Professors AU || Professor John/Sherlock, Enemies to Lovers, Rivalry, Bickering, Office Sex, Blow Jobs, Fluff, Domestics, John’s Beard, Idiots in Love) – Visiting professors John Watson and Sherlock Holmes are longtime academic rivals — and now unwilling office mates — at a prestigious American university. When their tense arguments give way to an undercurrent of mutual attraction, their war of wits turns into something more personal — until it goes off course. A party, a phone number, and deserted office at night might just bring them back together.

[brightbeautifulthings]

Week 1 | Week 2-3 | Week 4-5 | Week 6-7 | Week 8-9 | Week 10-11 | Week 12-13 | Week 14-15

Week 16 (p. 539-580)

[tw: animal death, addiction, drug use]

I don't have a lot of commentary on Lenz's spree of domestic pet killings. He's obviously meant to be a repulsive character, and he is. By contrast, Green and Gately sound like the two nicest guys you could ever meet, and Green's history is much more sympathetic than Lenz's. As gross as it is being in his head, I can see why it's here, since Lenz has a way of justifying just about everything, down to his continued drug use. A handful of funny malapropisms too, which at first seem like typos until I realized that even the narrative style is reflecting Lenz's perspective, and those are his mistakes. Given the scene with the A.F.R. and the Antitoi brothers, Orin's being stalked by men in wheelchairs and seduced by a woman with the same accent seems far more ominous than it did before.

Week 17 (p. 581-619)

[tw: animal death, violence, severe injury]

There are spoilers in all my updates since this a second read, but things are especially spoilery ahead!

Together with the Eschaton game, this scene with Gately marks the thematic center of the novel and the turning point for Gately's narrative arc. It's effectively tense despite what seem like Wallace's best efforts to undermine the tension. This is not a book one can get "lost" in for long periods of time because it's constantly reminding you that you're a human reading a (very heavy, sometimes arduous) book, but it's never more apparent than right here. The novel starts building tension with Green observing Lenz killing a dog and being chased by angry Canadians, and then detours into a couple other unrelated POVs right in the middle of the scene. (There is a lot of inexplicable hostility toward Canadians in this book. Is that a 90s thing? I'm not aware of any particular grievances Americans have against Canada, but maybe I'm missing something.)

The danger has an oddly calming effect on Gately ("his smile now as empty as a pumpkin's grin" p. 615), but I personally was feeling his feelings for him. The violence is graphic and excessive, and it's almost cerebrally painful to see Gately getting hurt while protecting that asshole, Lenz. But also, would Gately be the "hero of action" of this book if he stepped aside? There's a particular moment of sweetness when he recognizes Joelle as Madame Psychosis. I ship it, though this isn't a shipping-type book since basically everything that happens to these characters is terrible.

Questions & Working Theories

Q: Who is mailing out the Entertainment? - Swartz suggests that it’s Orin Incandenza, who later under threat of torture releases it to the A.F.R. This seems well-supported by the text, since the initial cartridge is mailed from Arizona, and it’s conveniently sent to a medical attaché with whom Avril probably had an affair (per J.O.I.’s conversation with Hal). - Some support for this theory during one of Hal and Orin's phone conversations: "'What are you doing going to the post office? You hate snail-mail. And you quit mailing the Moms the pseudo-form-replies two years ago, Mario says'" (p. 244). Why is Orin at the post office, if not to mail more copies of the Entertainment? - However, as Marie pointed out, we don't know for sure that Orin was in Arizona in April YDAU. He's there in October, but there's a flashback of him in New Orleans in July that doesn't mention the year. If it was YDAU, Orin couldn't have postmarked the Cartridge from Arizona in April. - Orin also asks Hal directly about the days leading up to Himself's death, and he seems suspiciously interested in whatever film he was working on. "'Did he have film-related things with him when he flew somewhere? A film case? Equipment?'" (p. 250). However, if he already knew about the Entertainment back in April, why ask Hal about it in November? - This conversation is continued in a lengthy endnote where Orin asks about the definition of samizdat ("the generic meaning now is any sort of politically underground or beyond-the-pale press or the stuff published thereby" (p. 1011) and comments, "'So you'd have no idea why The Mad Stork's name would come up in connection with somebody saying samizdat?'" (p. 1011). Again, it's suspicious that he's even asking, but also, if he already knows about the Entertainment, why bother to ask? Is he trying to find out, or just trying to find out what Hal knows about it? Why? - "...place the likely dissemination-point someplace along the U.S. north border, with routing hubs in metro Boston/New Bedford and/or somewhere in the desert Southwest" (p. 549). Obviously, the Southwest could be Orin, but who's distributing it in Boston? I'd guess the Antitoi brothers, but their copy turned out to be blank (or seemed to be, if it was played on the wrong model). Orin has motive to want the medical attaché dead for the affair with his mother, but why the film scholar, the avant-garde film festival, and the members of the Academy of D.A.S.? Were these Himself's rivals, or people Avril also had affairs with? - "Swiss cuckolds, furtive near-Eastern medical attachés, zaftig print-journalists: he felt ready for anything" (p. 597). Q: Why do Hal's symptoms in the Eschaton game seem more like DMZ side effects than marijuana side effects? Was there DMZ mixed with it? Was it purposely mixed in, or was it the work of the Wraith? - This is the first time we see Hal with similar symptoms as the ones he has in the first chapter, which seems to suggest that--whether or not the DMZ and marijuana are related, whether it was intentional or not--Hal did take the DMZ on Interdependence Day YDAU. - Pemulis goes looking for the DMZ later on, which seems to suggest it wasn't intentional, at least not on his end. Hal also doesn't consciously acknowledge that he's going to take it in this chapter either. - Mario reflecting on his brother: "He can't tell if Hal is sad. He is having a harder and harder time reading Hal's state of mind or whether he's in good spirits. This worries him. He used to be able to sort of preverbally know in his stomach generally where Hal was and what he was doing, even if Hal was far away and playing or if Mario was away, and now he can't anymore" (p. 590). Why the change? DMZ-related?

Q: If Pemulis has Avril's affair with John Wayne to hold over her, why is he still expelled at the end of the novel?

Q: What's up with John Wayne and Hal? - "...John ('N.R.') Wayne opened up the ajar door a little more and put his whole head in and stayed like that, with just his head in. He didn't say anything and Hal didn't say anything, and they stayed like that for a while, and then Wayne's head smoothly withdrew" (p. 560).

Q: Do Pemulis's descriptions of the effects of annulation have anything to do with how DMZ affects people, or the effect the mold Hal ate as a child had on him? It seems oddly similar to how Hal is experiencing time in the first chapter. Is this how J.O.I. stumbled onto it? - "'Accelerated phenomena, which is actually equivalent to an incredible slowing down of time", "relativity of time in extreme organic environments" (p. 573).

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

Fic: Come As You Are (2/11)

nope. i haven’t given up on this, no matter how long it takes me.

Summary: A series of codas/tags/missing scenes to every episode of the first season of TItans. 

Warnings: SPOILERS for the whole series, some swearing, violence and gore, lot of dense parenthetical nonsense and fancy formatting. I’ve also taken the liberty to fill in some gaps that were left by canon.

corresponding episode recap is here, and the episode recap series is here.

Chapter one is here.

Come As You Are

1.02

For about an hour into their drive out of Detroit, they say nothing.

Rachel is huddled awkwardly against the car door, staring at the floor or out the window. She doesn’t talk or even look at Dick for a while. He can’t really blame her; every time he blinks, he’s still seeing Rachel’s kidnapper’s face pressed against the glass, leaking blood and brains even as he melted from the inside-out. The last twelve hours have been a lot to take in, and for some time Dick lets the empty hum of cruising down the mostly-deserted highway fill his brain.

Things start filtering in eventually: Rachel sniffing, the creak of leather as she shifts in her seat, the whine of the engine, the cold bite of air through the crack in his window, the vibrations of his seat, the steering wheel under his hands—even the way his hair falls over his forehead, his shirt clinging to his back with cold sweat, the sense-memory of hot, sticky blood on his hands. Each of them plucks at his over-stretched nerves until he can’t stand it anymore: he grits his teeth and fantasises, very briefly, about ripping the steering wheel out and screaming until he loses his voice.

Instead, he says: “you hungry?”

Rachel looks at him warily. There’re flecks of blood on her chin and near her hairline, and Dick’s gut clenches at the sight. God, she’s a kid who’s just had two people murdered gruesomely in front of her, and here he is, no real destination in mind, about to get her snacks like they’re on a camping trip from hell. That’s not even counting the mysterious demonic force inside her body or the fact that she’s being chased by an honest-to-god cult—she needs actual help, like something someone from the League can provide, not a washed-up sidekick with anger issues who’s just barely keeping his life on track. What was he even thinking, just up and running like this without a plan, Bruce would be so—

Well.

Well, shit. So much for fuck batman—even his own brain was betraying him.

“Yeah, maybe,” Rachel mumbles to the dashboard.

Okay—okay. Dick can work with that. Make a plan. Step one. “There’s a rest-stop a couple of miles down the road,” he says, his voice sounding remarkably steady even to him, “we can stop for a bathroom break and some snacks. Does that sound okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Rachel says, still not looking at him.

When they stop, Rachel goes straight to the bathroom, and Dick takes a moment to breathe in the shadow of the convenience store. Clearly he needs to investigate what’s going on here, but before that, he needs to figure out what he’s going to do with Rachel. He doesn’t have the resources to protect her on his own (doesn’t think he can stand another second of being helpless as she clings to him, horrified and desperate), but he’s burned his bridges so thoroughly with most heroes—meta or otherwise—that he can hardly think of anybody who would welcome his presence as anything other than an insultingly transparent way to exploit their fraying goodwill. Besides, most heroes are well-connected to the League, and he absolutely in no way wants any of this to reach Bruce’s ears.

(there’s a part of him that thinks that Batman knows anyway. The thought makes his chest tighten and his skin prickles with barely reigned-in panic.)

In the end, he really only knows a couple of people who are still active heroes, and who couldn’t give a shit about what the Justice League thought, or knew. And even if they give him shit for showing up unannounced at their door after all these years—he deserves it all and more—they’re not going to turn away someone in actual need of help. Not even him.

Rachel’s walking towards him, her breath misting in the chill air, sweater sleeves tugged over her hands. “So,” she says, her voice trembling just a little, “are we going back to Detroit?”

“No.” He smiles at her, and for the first time in a while, feels the tightness in his chest ease just enough to allow in a semblance of the light and purpose that filled him the first time he jumped off the edge of a building as Robin. “We’re going to Washington.”

-

This is the end, Hank says, wracked with pain and crooked in all the wrong places. He smiles as he says it, though the smile is crooked, too, cracked through the centre with exhaustion and uncertainty. This one final operation and we’re fucking set for the rest of our lives.

Dawn nods, smiles, only half paying attention to the building schematics on the table. Inside, her heart thunders with anticipation, and her knee jiggles as she draws bright red, thick lines for the path that she will take right to the heart of the fight. Hank’s bait; a flashing beacon to draw fire (and another scar, and another scar, and another scar) while Dawn swoops in, taking down gunrunner after asshole after trafficker, feeling their bones crunch underneath her boot. It’s one thing to come home, weary down to your very bones, phantom punches still raining down on your body with every step you take; and quite another to be in the eye of the storm, spilling blood and laughter and thinking: this is all I’ve ever wanted—

“Babe?” Hank asks. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” She gets up and walks towards him, cupping his face in her hands. Instantly, his rough edges soften, and he leans into her touch. “Just thinking.”

“About?”

“About how if this is the last time we do this, we’ve got to give it everything.”

“Those fuckers won’t know what hit them,” Hank tells her, and Dawn thrills to the glint in his eye.

-

When Dick finally lets go of her, Rachel is reminded of peeling bandages and raw skin (sunken, sightless eyes and blood bubbling endlessly out of an open mouth) and she instinctively catches at his sleeve, not quite ready to have him leave.

He turns, and for a moment he glows blood red, just like the child in her dreams who saw his parents fall to their deaths, helpless. “Rachel,” he says, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Rachel thinks of the nights Melissa would say that to her, utterly exhausted, shoulders slumped under limp hair. She even meant it, sometimes.

THEY NEVER MEAN IT.

“I know,” she says, letting go of his sleeve and gathering the hastily-drawn crosses around her along with what’s left of her composure, “I’m sorry. I just—I thought I saw the—the thing that made the other guy explode, and, and I don’t know, I thought maybe it’s here, or maybe because I’m here, more bad things are going to happen—”

“Hey, hey. Listen.” Dick gives her his most reassuring smile, but this time she notices that he doesn’t touch her. “I know you’re freaked, and you have every right to be, but I just got some leads to work on, and we’re going to figure this out, okay? I promise you that there’s nothing scary here—except maybe pizza that’s going to go cold very soon.” He gets up, tilts his head to the door.

HE PUTS ON A GOOD ACT, BUT HE’S NOT YOU.

She nods and follows him out of the bathroom. They eat in silence for a while, as Dick goes through several more papers that his computer spits out. She stares at him, nibbling at her piece, appetite entirely gone. He seems utterly unperturbed at the pictures that he’s looking through—though he is a detective, and (she hopes) he’s probably seen worse things. The only weird thing, honestly, is that he’s helping her at all after everything.

“Um,” Dick says suddenly. “You want to watch more TV?”

I want to know what’s going on, but you’re not telling me. “I’m okay, thanks,” she says.

Dick flashes her an awkward smile and goes right back to his papers. In any case, it’s better than what Melissa would usually do after Rachel had one of her… episodes, which was lock herself in her room and pray, then pretend nothing ever happened, as if Rachel couldn’t see her red-rimmed eyes, her flinches, her furtive looks whenever she thought Rachel wasn’t looking—

AND LOOK WHERE THAT GOT HER. AND JUST WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN TO HIM—

Rachel shudders. “Are we leaving?” she asks, if just to get out of her own head for a minute.

“Soon,” Dick says distractedly, flipping through another report. He doesn’t even look at her.

Well. At least that’s familiar.

-

“I’m sorry,” Dick says. “I’ll clean that up.”

And it’s that—more than showing up after dropping off the face of the earth for years, more than bringing some overpowered teenager to their doorstep, more than even cosying up to Dawn like he’s still fucking eighteen—the way he coolly dismisses the fucked-up thing that’s just happened like it never happened at all, that really pisses Hank off. He’s already looking for a broom and dustpan, and all Hank wants to do is punch that neutral expression right off his pointy face.

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that?” Hank says instead.

This is where Dick will come back with a wry smile and something meaningless and utterly infuriating like so I’ve been told, but Dick surprises Hank by saying, “I know. I’m sorry.” He drags a hand over his face. He looks tired, his hair tousled and greasy, dark circles under his eyes like he hasn’t slept in a while. “I shouldn’t have—I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Hank raises an eyebrow. “About taking that kid in, or bringing her here?”

Dick is silent for a long moment. Then, in a moment of raw honesty that’s so far removed from his smug billionaire circus kid shtick that it throws Hank for a loop, “Both, I guess.”

“Well.” Hank turns around and rummages for the broom, suddenly uncomfortable. “It’s what we do, right? Help people no matter how fucked-up and dangerous it gets?”

(no matter how much it kills you, piece by piece—)

“Even if you are an asshole?”

“Especially if you are an asshole,” Hank says firmly, and hands him the broom.

-

They’re gone.

It isn’t immediately obvious; every struggling, hard-won breath is like being stabbed over and over again, but enough time passes that Amy is aware that there is no fresh agony being inflicted on her, nor can she hear the voices of her assailants anymore. Another eternity is spent processing this and the fact that her body feels… broken on a level that she had never thought was possible.

(God. She knew partnering with a Gotham detective was going to be dangerous, but she didn’t think he would actually bring a piece of that godforsaken city with him—)

Her phone’s not far away—she can see the screen blinking to life by the couch as messages come in. She begins the slow, excruciating process of dragging herself there with one arm—the other utterly useless. Her wounds burn as they drag over the carpet and she almost passes out entirely several times, but somehow, she gets there, and presses 911 with trembling fingers.

“Please,” she whispers through a mouthful of blood to the operator who answers. “I don’t want to die.”

-

A hand closes over Dick’s shoulder, and for one long, hysterical moment, he expects to look up and see the imposing shadow of Bruce Wayne. Instead, it’s Hank, face half-obscured by blood dripping from a head wound and twisted into a rictus of agony so sharp it freezes Dick’s breath in his lungs.

“Dawn,” Hank whimpers, falling to his knees by her side, holding her hand. She’s past responding to him now, straining to breathe past the blood bubbling up her throat. Dick’s hands ache from chest compressions, but he isn’t sure any more if they would help.

“The ambulance is on its way,” he says, hoarsely.

Hank nods, never taking his eyes off Dawn. He cups her face with his hand, the movement so gentle that Dick feels like he’s intruding on an unspeakably private moment. “I don’t want you here when it comes,” he says.

Dick nods, numb. He stumbles to his feet, dizzy, feeling cold and hollow in all the places he’d kept under wraps for so, so long. He wants to fall to his knees and sob, wants to reach out and pull Hank by his shirt and snarl that he never meant for any of this to happen, wants to rage and vomit and despair. But the part of him that’s already planning ways to chase down their attackers, the part chiselled into shape by Batman and years of buried trauma, snaps into place, lifts his head, and makes him say, “All right. I’ll meet you at the hospital.”

He turns and leaves, the sound of snapping wire still echoing in his ears.

[shinneth]

Well in that case, let’s have 10-15 as well! It’s hard picking stuff that’s not already been revealed, you’ve done a hell of a job building the GA universe.

Hahaha, very good point! I have exploited the hell out of them. And I anticipate future exploitation will follow! And thankfully, these questions are much, much trickier to answer. So between this and the wrestling-watching commitments, this took me more than a day to compile~! But that’s a good thing since it was ultimately thought-provoking and I may or may not have stumbled upon a concept or two to utilize somewhere down the line.

10. What two songs, two books, and two luxury items do they take to a desert island?

(my literal-minded self is assuming this is one item each; it’s also the crueler of the two interpretations, which is fitting)

At first I thought I’d have to force my mindset away from GAverse since this kind of set-up wouldn’t naturally happen unless Steven and Peridot really wanted to challenge themselves... then the movie happened and now there’s actually a very convenient way this could happen without GA Peridot trivializing this!

(of course, I’m uncultured trash, so the music and books make this the most challenging bit...) 

Peridot is bringing her goddamn tablet, of course. Even without wifi, she can at least continue logging events the old-fashioned way... and this is one damn scenario where a daily log would be useful. At least until the battery runs out on that. Though I wouldn’t put it past Peridot to find a way to create a stable power source for that sucker. Making a lifeline for her tech would be Peridot’s #1 priority that isn’t related to keeping Steven safe and sound. :P She could also manipulate the metal in it to access hard-to-reach resources, if at a limited capacity. 

I see Steven bringing an instrument, namely that damned ukulele. Simple mind, simple needs, and of course he’ll just see this scenario as an opportunity to actually teach Peridot some proper music lessons.

Music and books are where it really gets tricky. For books, Peridot’s getting something practical. So of course she’ll bring Lord of the Flies and claim that’s her guidebook to survival on a desert island. Steven is more for sentiment and bring that Sailor Moon manga we’ve seen him keep around in his room. Sailor Moon (the manga especially) is full of romance, so that suits his priorities perfectly, lol. 

Similar case can be said for music: Steven will opt for a nice, mood-setting romantic song while Peridot brings the most loudest and obnoxious music known to her. Because logically, music like that stands the greatest chance in drawing outside attention so they’ll be rescued! 

Peridot might be more lax about the ordeal if there’s steady food and water for Steven to survive off of; otherwise I see her largely panicking about being stranded in an environment where resources Steven needs to live on are finite.

(I’ll admit, I got the idea of Peridot and Steven doing a duet of this song (which I bet would sound way better with their VAs) while in this situation...)

11. What do they hide from one another?

Now it’s GA Steven’s turn to trivialize the scenario! It’s officially nigh-on impossible for Peridot to hide one goddamned thing from Steven from GA3 onward... not that Peridot was ever that good at hiding shit from Steven to begin with.

In fact, a certain Post-GA story proved the only things Peridot truly can hide from Steven are secrets even she isn’t aware of, such as how exactly she first met Jasper and Lapis. The only reason Peridot was good at keeping that hidden from Steven was due to it being so traumatic that she made herself forget it in order to live with herself and move forward. So really, memories like that are the only things GA Peridot can hide from Steven at this point. There might still be a repressed memory or two, but overall she’s nearly out of stuff she could realistically withhold. 

Outside GA, I feel like Homeworld has always been far more awful than it’s been made out to be, and Peridot would be the one who best knows just how awful life there can be. So if she’s hiding anything from Steven and has any prayer of keeping it that way long-term, it’s going to be the hell she used to have in her former life, or possibly the things she had to do to survive in said life. Of course she’ll still go out of her way to hide her insecurities and inferiority complex from Steven, but it’s practically a guarantee she won’t be able to keep that hidden for long. 

Steven... is only slightly better about this. The fact that both suck at lying and maintaining a poker face, as brought up last time, really shoots him in the foot here. So I think I can answer for GA and regular headcanon in one go with him: anything related to Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz that Peridot hasn’t already learned about is probably gonna be stuff Steven keeps to himself about. He values Peridot so much as one of the only gems that has virtually no bias one way or the other about his mom, so the last thing Steven wants to do is fill Peridot’s head with the same “propaganda”, so to speak, that he and the rest of his friends have had drilled in their own heads for most of their lives.

Additionally more for GA, I think Steven possibly has more commentary about Peridot’s past life that he hasn’t already shared with her... but he’s going out of his way not to dredge up those old times. Especially when the Homeworld refugees will already be doing that for him on a daily basis (which logically would be why Steven would still be thinking about those times at all). After all the dirty laundry Steven has aired out in Peridot’s presence, I think he’d be keen on keeping anything still unsaid about their pasts/origins/heritage to himself solely for his girlfriend’s benefit. After all, Peridot being a uniquely fucked-up gem is still a pretty new concept that she’s still trying to adjust to. So Spinel’s gonna be a fun little addition to their lives in more ways than one!

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious?

Hm, tricky to answer for GA, since it feels like they’re already at the “serious” phase of the relationship in these Post-GA stories. Realistically, though, Steven and Peridot are gonna have their hands full being the Era 3 centerpieces and have very limited time for dating or other romantic shenanigans. 

Plus, the workload stressed these two out to the point that within 3 or 4 months in, they already tried going all the way despite both of them knowing they were being morons for resorting to that this soon. And consequently, as my most recent story confirms, they fucked up not only their first time, but also their reputation among their circle of friends... which consequently gave the two even less time to be together. 

Taking that into consideration, it’s probably safe to say Steven and Peridot won’t even have the time to officially keep their relationship a steady one until Era 3 stabilizes. That said, by the following year when Steven turns 17, they should officially be in the “serious” phase considering they’ll be ready to really go all the way. And the first change made when it gets serious is either going to be a demand to the Crystal Gems to give them daily private time - or even better - Steven and Peridot get their own shared bedroom. I actually like that one more.

Otherwise, GAverse aside, I think the change that signifies Steven and Peridot getting serious... hmm. I kinda like the concept that they independently get the idea to propose taking their relationship to the next level and surprise each other when they unknowingly spring that announcement at the same time, having made each other a trinket of some kind for each other to mark the occasion. Then like dorks, they’ll announce this to the rest of the Crystal Gems and they’ll be like “uh yeah we saw this coming a mile away, dumbasses, congrats”. 

I also like the idea of Peridot being more self-conscious of her appearance when the relationship becomes more serious, which makes her a little obsessive and experimental with things like outfits, accessories... and god forbid, make-up. Of course, Steven won’t care about any of that... but that won’t make Peridot any less determined to look the part of a serious girlfriend!

13. When do they realize they should get together?

Definitely already a done deal in the GAverse as of Act III, Chapter 5. Had events played out differently, they would’ve officially been an item since the end of Act I. However, Steven coming back for Peridot even after she had given up hope of ever being rescued and being the one to fix her mind after White Diamond fucked it up royally - not to mention accepting her identity as Chartreuse, not giving a damn that she’s an abomination of scientific fuckery, or even that Peridot betrayed her friends (largely against her will, granted) - that makes for a more poignant moment when Steven tells Peridot that even after all the fuck-ups she’s made in Act III, that he still considers them boyfriend-girlfriend, and so should she.

So, thinking out of the box is trickier since we still have only a bare-bones grasp of what all’s happened in the time gap between seasons. Honestly, the most logical time for them to realize they should hook up should’ve been when Connie shunned Steven while Lapis abandoned Peridot. At the very least, any episode post-Raising the Barn should’ve been a golden opportunity for Steven and Peridot to realize how much they really love each other. 

And since the movie was annoyingly heavy-handed with the Connvese teases with virtually no Stevidot interaction while season 6 as a whole is a still giant ? ... then it’s a matter of blindly grasping at straws to think when else they should hook up. We know they’re due for a bonding moment at some point in season 6, though. Hopefully it’s not about Lapis, but if it isn’t, I suspect it might have involve fusion... and I still like the headcanon of Peridot only being able to fuse with Steven due to being an Era 2. Not just an Era 2, but a type of gem that logically should never have a reason to fuse since peridots are not meant to fight. Their limb enhancers give them a means for self-defense, but that’s it. But some exclusivity with the fusion - plus Steven being the one to reassure Peridot that she’s not inadequate as a teammate (I imagine even in 2 years, she’s likely to be the weakest Crystal Gem). 

14. When one has a cold, what does the other do?

Welp! I guess for gems I’ll have to think of some kind of equivalent (I guess chipped/cracked/destabilized/corrupted... ooooor what’s expected of Peridot to deal with once she’s got buns in her oven?), but for Steven having the cold...

Well, whether it’s GA Peridot or Not-GA Peridot, they’ll behave similarly but one will have a much wider range of capabilities than the other. Not that this really means much for GA Peri in this field, since she has no real comprehension of what a human illness is like and therefore can’t just will Steven’s illness away. In both cases, Peridot would first seek help from the likes of Pearl, Greg, or Connie. If Peridot’s left to deal with this solely on her own, however, she’ll probably give Steven a thorough interview of every single little symptom he has, then use Google-Fu to get instructions that she’ll follow to the goddamn letter.

Hopefully she doesn’t come across an instruction worded in a way that she’ll interpret it in some other way entirely because she doesn’t understand the phrasing, because that could lead to chaos easily. 

In the meantime, she’d ask Steven like every other minute if he needs something unless he’s asleep. And since Peridot has no innate understanding of this phenomenon, she’ll relentlessly study Steven’s mannerisms, symptoms, and actions until she feels she’s achieved enlightenment. That, or Steven gets annoyed and tells her to cut it out... though she may argue she’s constantly staring at Steven like a creeper for educational purposes. 

She won’t leave his side regardless, though, and since she’s not at risk of catching his cold, Peridot’s of course going to snuggle with him all the same and volunteer to be his supplementary cushioning. 

If Peridot is ailing... depending on what it is, Steven will similarly ask Pearl and probably Garnet before doing anything on his own if they’re available to him. Google’s not gonna give him the info he needs, of course, so Steven’s got a bit of a tougher job in keeping Peri healthy. Then again, Steven’s a motherfucking healing saint, so whether he’s GAverse or not, Steven could easily trivialize this since he’s basically the show’s white mage. GA Steven will have the advantage of being able to read exactly how Peridot is feeling, so he won’t need to interrogate her to figure out the source of her pain/discomfort/illness. 

Of course, neither Steven would just observe her like a weirdo (like his girlfriend would, basically); he’d be right there for hugs and cuddles and wouldn’t dare leave Peridot’s side unless he really needs to use the bathroom. But even then he’d feel so guilty leaving her alone for even a second, so he’d rush it. 

Steven might even be corny enough to try chicken soup on Peridot. And of course if there’s buns in the oven, Steven will treat Preggerdot like absolute fucking royalty.

Bonus: Accurate video representation of how Steven and Peridot will interact when she’s in labor

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15. When they watch a film what do they choose and why? Who gets the final vote?

Something with good physical comedy; that way Peridot is more likely to get some entertainment out of it on a first viewing without having to ask Steven what the joke is while he explains it. 

For some reason, I was thinking Liar Liar.

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Since Peridot and Steven are so painfully transparent when they try to lie, they’ll feel much better about themselves watching something like this! 

As for final vote, I think Steven would be the gentleman and let Peridot have the final vote. Peridot would likely think at least on some occasions that the final vote should go to Steven since he knows movies in general way better than she does (and therefore would have better overall judgment in what to pick), but Steven would just insist that he’s letting Peridot choose because since he trusts her instincts, she should, too. 

There’s always a coin toss if they end up in a stalemate. :P And this would apply both for regular canon and GAverse.

Much more challenging round this time! Love it! I’ll always invite more questions, though at this point I may need to find some more memes to reblog, fff... here’s the meme if anyone still wants to snag questions from it and ask me from here!

Feel free to pass this headcanon BS to your fellow Stevidot peoples! There’s no such thing as too much content for this blessed ship.

[shewhodoesnotexist]

Okay, so The Rise of Skywalker. Saw it two weeks ago but it’s hard to do anything when you have so much free time ;) Two weeks ago I wrote the following: I’m a little dumbfounded… It felt like a string of fan theories put together, with a video game mode of running after stuff from one place to another xD they put in so much stuff but somehow not enough… Feeling? And I think this still sums up my impression the best. Nevertheless:

So we begin with some Sith artefacts none-one’s ever heard of… This is so reminiscent of some fan videos and theories I got into after TFA, many of them based on Legends/the old EU, things that never appeared in the movies. I’m fond of fan theories, but this just didn’t fit in at all here, and seemed so… artificial, video game-like: suddenly there’s a thing we need to find and then it’ll be fine! But first we need to find this thing and go somewhere else and do another thing and then we’ll reach the place!

Like… The Last Jedi was built around characters with personalities, their interactions and conflicts, and for all its faults that made it engaging. This felt completely flat. It was just going from place to place, maybe except for some of the Kylo & Rey scenes, there was barely any feeling in it.

Also, some scenes were so artificial and obvious set-ups, like the woman with the necklace demanding Rey’s full name – maybe she’s from a planet with different naming conventions, how do you know, lady? – just so she can say she’s nobody and then have the necklace taken by Kylo, and the woman at the end, so that Rey can say she’s Rey Skywalker, and Luke giving Rey two lightsabers so that she can give one to Ben (the scene itself was awesome, yes, but the set-up was painfully transparent). Devices, yes, but don’t be so blatant about it.

What was the point of that Threepio stunt? It’s introduced as a heartbreaking sacrifice, then it turns out nobody cares, then it’s played for laughs, and then it’s reversed. Really?

The Palpatine thing is such a clumsily done retcon, honestly. Yes, he was the ultimate Big Bad in the previous trilogies, so in that aspect it kind of makes sense, but in regards to Rey... They made themselves nobodies? Yeah, no, Kylo’s vision and words from TLJ don’t fit this, you can’t square that one. And so Rey’s arc from The Last Jedi is neatly undone and she matters because of her family and very nearly (see below) is defined by her ancestry. Honestly, whichever version you prefer, it would be better to stick to one. That’s not getting into the problems of selling your children.

And really… Rey suddenly and accidentally bursting out some Force lighting supposedly shows “who she really is”? When has the Force ever worked that way? And of course it only happens when it’s convenient. And suddenly “no-one knows me”. Great, now you can be emo together.

And why would Palpatine even want to have descendants? As a backup plan?

And that’s not getting into the fact that apparently Palpatine had a son, who was alive during OT, who somehow rebelled against him, and that’s a story potentially more interesting than this movie, which is ignored. Actually… all right, possibly Rey’s father was not Force-sensitive, which was why Palpatine wanted Rey specifically, but the wording (“to protect you”) makes it sound as if all that rebellion happened only after Rey was born and he realised Palpatine’s intentions towards her, which raises further questions. But enough on that.

It is also incidentally implied that Stormtroopers who defected are Force-sensitive, and that, too, is ignored. What Finn wanted to tell Rey could be that he loved her or that he was Force-sensitive, but, of course, it is never revealed. (Wait wait, apparently it was confirmed it was about the Force. He does talk about how he understands her several times, so that makes sense.)

Speaking of which, once again there is an effort to humanise the Stormtroopers… which is then once again ignored.

Also speaking of which, for someone raised to be mindless soldier, Finn has had quite a love life – like, approximately four possible love interests?

Remember when there was a sandworm in one of The Hobbit movies and people were joking that Legolas’ blue eyes were due to Spice? Now we can do that with SW, too!

Remember when I said I didn’t believe the Knights of Ren even existed? You probably don’t. But they might as well not. For all the mystery and speculation they turn out to be slightly more elite mooks and are killed in approximately their second scene. Even the Praetorian Guards were more impressive.

Hux being the spy is… silly. Wasn´t he super into the First Order? Now he´s undermining it just to spite Kylo. But it is rather funny.

I feel that having Leia start a Jedi training and then quit due to visions takes away from her character. What’s wrong with preferring a political/military career while being Force-sensitive? But no, she needs to have run through the woods with a lightsaber and bested Luke, of course.

Plus, Leia of all people attacking Kylo… This is upsetting. At least have her appear to him as she dies, too. I mean, like so much in this movie, the idea itself was interesting, but the execution undermined it.

I liked Rey healing Kylo’s wound, but it is true that the sudden introduction of Force healing (no matter its earlier introduction in The Mandalorian) raises some questions about why it’s never appeared before.

I am amazed at Adam Driver’s acting. The moment Ben comes back to the Light, you can see it in his face. It’s unbelievable how much he manages to convey. That man is a gift and I am happy it was not Eddie Redmayne, sorry

The ship in the desert, maybe, but you can’t tell me Luke’s X-Wing is readily functional after having been who-knows-how-many years underwater. That’s just ridiculous.

What was that football stadium. Who were these people. What was going on.

What was even Palpatine’s plan? Was it that because Rey was related to him, he could body surf into her and continue ruling, as some people are interpreting it? Or was it the old “strike me with your hate/anger and complete your turn to the dark side”, in which case it wasn’t even all that relevant that they were related, as he had another Force-sensitive family to prey upon already? And then it turns to “I can just suck power out of you two and it’s good enough”.

How was Ben able to get that planet unnoticed? That’s not to mention another falling-apart ship. Oh, but his entrance, with a blaster, and then passing the lightsabre between them, that was incredibly cool :D

A fleet of planet-killing ships, fine, we needed to up the stakes yet again, but they still have a single weak point… I guess there’s not point complaining about that.

We saw Ben smile :) It was so beautiful :) And they kissed :)

...aaand then of course he had to die *sigh*

I haven’t heard the word “dyad” in that context before, but I have read a bit about Force bonds, and aren’t you supposed to completely devastated after the other one dies, as if something is torn out of your soul? Even leaving that aside, wasn’t Rey rather fond of him? Show some grief, maybe? No?

We get to the end, and we are remembering that we are watching a movie called “The Rise of Skywalker”. All the Skywalkers and their descendants are dead. Solution: have Rey tell a conveniently placed rando she is a Skywalker and leave her to continue the Jedi and Skywalker legacy (the latter of which may not be so stellar, come to think of it). She is once again alone on a desert planet, but now she is different, and ready to set out and do… something. But on the other hand, she’s alone on a desert planet again, so she ended up where she had begun (still alone!)… and so did the story of the Skywalker bloodline, on the planet both Anakin and Luke disliked so much and Leia had nothing to do with. All that to have a repeat shot. I’m not all that impressed.

On the whole this movie gives the impression that the filmmakers were trying to play it safe and pander to the fans, mostly to the fans who disliked TLJ and those who craved nostalgia, and distance themselves from TLJ as much as possible, while cramming a lot of material into the movie at the expense of emotional depth. There’s no time to explore this significant moment, we need to rush elsewhere! Many of the concepts could have worked much better if the had been given more time and focus, but the end result is a mess. Not to mention the ST as a whole feels inconsistent. And yes, I’m upset that Ben died! But that’s part of playing it safe, I’m afraid.

I’m not going to go into the last-minute editing controversy.

I watched the SCB review and they said it was a combination of Harry Potter, Avengers and GoT finales – very accurate ;)

Eh.

[flowerfan2]

Bound To Be Together - Ch. 20

McDanno, M, A03 A continuous story of Season 9 codas exploring the bond between Steve and Danny as they grow even closer.

Chapter 20 (9x20)

Danny wakes up slowly, his body reluctant to get up and face the day.  As has become his habit, he carefully tests his muscles to figure out if there’s anything that’s going to give him a problem when he tries to get out of bed – it’s a hazard when you spend so many days chasing after bad guys.

But the case of the community .38 was more a mental challenge than a physical one, and except for a familiar twinge in his knee, he doesn’t discover anything out of the ordinary.

The bed shifts and Steve flops over, spooning up against Danny’s back and slinging a heavy arm over his side.  He had come over late last night after his trip to California with Duke, making himself at home in Danny’s bed as if he belonged there – which, as far as Danny is concerned, he does.

Steve presses his palm flat against Danny’s bare chest, and snuffles adorably against the back of his neck.

“Good morning to you, too,” Danny mumbles, wiggling a little to get comfortable in Steve’s embrace. He drifts back into sleep, enjoying the feeling of having Steve all around him, sleep warm and relaxed.

Some time later Danny wakes to the smell of coffee.  He gets up reluctantly, pulling on a pair of shorts, and meets Steve in the kitchen. Disappointingly, Steve is fully dressed, and he gives Danny a wide eyed look of apology.

“I promised Junior I’d go to the range with him this morning, and then I’ve got a meeting at the base.”

“It’s okay,” Danny says. He coaches Charlie’s Little League team today anyway, and he’s got about a thousand errands to run after that.

“You’re free tonight, right?”

As if he’d have any plans on Saturday night other than hanging out with Steve.  “I can probably clear my calendar.”

“Good.  I’ll pick you up at six.”  Steve grins confidently at Danny, and gives him a slap on the ass as he brushes past on his way out the door.  Cocky bastard.

Danny’s at the grocery store later that afternoon when Steve texts him.

<i>It’ll be more like six-thirty.</i>

<i>Okay, that’s fine.</i>  It’ll give him time to get ready, Danny thinks.  He’s still in the t-shirt he wore to Charlie’s game, which may or may not have shave ice dripped on it from taking him out to eat afterwards.  <i>Where are we going?</i>

<i>That’s need to know.</i>

Danny shakes his head. <i>I do need to know, so I can dress appropriately.</i>

<i>No ties. Casual.</i>

Danny has learned from experience that the two of them have very different definitions of the word “casual.”  <i>Business casual or beach bum casual?</i>

His phone rings, and Danny picks up.  “What? It’s a reasonable question.”

“It doesn’t matter what you wear, Danny, just be ready at six-thirty.”

He loves Steve’s mildly exasperated tone.  “Steve, come on, I can’t afford to ruin another pair of dress shoes, not on the salary you pay me.”

Steve huffs at him. “I don’t set your salary, Danny, we’ve been over this.  Just wear whatever you’ve got on right now.”

“A stained t-shirt and sneakers?”

“Yes, perfect.”

“You’re an animal, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told.”

By the time Steve picks him up, Danny has showered and changed into a clean black t-shirt, but he sticks with shorts and sneakers.  He suspects Steve is going to take him to one of his secret favorite places – he still manages to present Danny with new ones, despite how long they’ve known each other – and those tend to fall squarely in the beach casual zone, although often with hiking thrown in too.

His suspicions are confirmed when they drive up to the north shore, although he loses track of exactly where they’re going as Steve fills him in on his trip the day before with Duke.

“It was a little scary, seeing Duke standing over the guy, ready to fire another shot.  I guess he had a lot of pent-up anger over what happened to his partner all those years ago.  Said he hadn’t really talked to anyone about it.”

“Gee, maybe talking about stuff isn’t such a bad idea?”

Steve glares at Danny. “That’s what I’m doing, isn’t it?”

“So how do you feel about yesterday’s adventure?”

“It wasn’t so much what happened yesterday, as…”  Steve keeps his eyes firmly on the road as he speaks.  “Made me remember that night with my dad, when I was a kid, and he went out.”

Danny feels a lump in his throat.  He puts a hand on Steve’s leg.  “It’s okay to miss him.”

Steve glances over to Danny. “I know.  It’s… it’s more than that, though.  I guess it kinda made me feel close to him?  To finish off the case, and find that guy?”

“That makes sense. He’d be proud of you.”

Steve shrugs this off. “That’s not what I mean.”

Danny senses there is something he’s missing, which isn’t all that unusual when it comes to Steve and feelings.  He thinks back over what Steve told him about the night his dad responded to Duke’s call, and takes a chance.

“Maybe you understand why he had to go out that night, and, um, other times too?”

Steve nods almost imperceptibly.  He’s suddenly holding himself very still.

“Why he had to do a lot of things, to protect people,” Danny goes on.  “Even things that maybe didn’t go so well for you?”  Like sending Steve and his sister away from their home. Like putting an ocean of distance between a teenager and the only parent he had left.

They pull over to the side of the road, and Steve brakes just a tad too hard.  “I should have understood before.  I should have forgiven him.  He was trying to do the right thing.  He sacrificed, too.”

Danny gives Steve’s leg a squeeze.  “Kids aren’t often very good at that sort of stuff.  It doesn’t matter.  It’s not a dad’s job to need forgiveness.”

Steve seems to think about this for a minute, and then lets a long breath out on a sigh.  “Well, water under the bridge.”  He turns to Danny.  “Let’s go.”

Steve hefts a backpack onto his shoulder, and leads the way down a narrow path that eventually takes them to a deserted section of beach.  Steve continues on for a few more minutes, apparently searching for just the right spot, and finally stops under the shade of a cluster of palm trees and sets down his bag.

“This is beautiful,” Danny says, although it hardly needs to be said.  There’s a gentle curve to the shoreline, with waves breaking over the large rocks off to one side.  

Steve nods, letting a smile finally spread across his face.  “I thought you’d like it.”

Danny sits down on the plaid blanket Steve has spread over the sand, and examines the meal Steve has laid out.  Kalua pork, still warm and steaming when Steve pulls it out of an insulated container. Huli-huli chicken.  A dish of sweet potatoes – probably in place of poi, which neither Steve nor Danny like very much.  Two purple taro rolls wrapped in a colorful cloth, and a box of what Danny guesses are coco puffs.

When he meets Steve’s gaze, the serious look on his face surprises him.

“This should have been your welcome to the island, Danny,” Steve says.  “I’m sorry I wasn’t around when you got here, but you never should have been alone, scrounging for food at a convenience store.  Chasing a perp without your service weapon.  No wonder you didn’t like it here.”

Steve turns and digs around in his now almost empty backpack, and then turns back to Danny, a purple and white lei in his hands.  He kneels in front of Danny and places the flowers carefully over his head.

“Aloha, Danny. Welcome to Oahu.”

Danny feels tears gather in his eyes.  He touches the orchids and inhales their fresh scent.  “Thank you.”  His throat is tight, and he begs himself not to actually cry, although he realizes he’s fighting a losing battle as one tear slips down his cheek.

“Hey, don’t…” Steve wipes Danny’s face with his thumb.

“No, it’s okay, I’m just…” Danny can’t really finish his thought, but Steve seems to get it, and smiles softly at him.

“Okay.”  Steve leans in, one hand still cupping Danny’s cheek, and kisses him.  Danny opens his mouth, letting Steve in, even as his breath still hitches with emotion. Steve pulls him against his chest, and Danny immediately protests.

“Careful, don’t squash it.”

Steve grins.  “All right, fine.  We need to eat now anyway, before this gets cold.”

Danny agrees easily, glad for the chance to calm down.  But in between bites he can’t help touching the flowers on the lei, feeling the smoothness of the petals.  Steve sees him doing it, and from the expression on his face, he’s almost as affected as Danny is.

Later, when they’re lying together on the blanket, listening to the waves crash against the sand, Danny finally finds his words.  “Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

[dreamingnaturaljelly]

Trigun 6 - 9

I wanted to watch more eps but I'm very tired so these four will do!

episode 6:

- oh hey this ep actually takes off where the previous one left off i like that. Heck yeah

- i like the style, and sometimes the art gets kinda rough which is fine in that "the action scenes look pretty so this is acceptable budget balance"-way,  but sometimes the faces are so thin it's kinda terrifying?? 

- a SANDSTEAMBOAT WHAT THE HECK YES

- Vash angst? 

- Elizabeth's design is the first one i dislike BUT since she's a shady lady i will accept it. Like boobs out is not a look for an engineer, but it's a look for someone trying to mislead someone else. I just don't think that kind of design ever really looks nice... I can't list examples from the top of my head, but I feel like I've seen similar designs - They're always supposed to be pretty dresses but then they get designed by people who have zero sensibility for what a pretty dress actually _is_? Like slapping on some ribbons isn't instantly gonna make it look good. IM SORRY THIS IS SUCH AN ANIME PET PEEVE OF MINE

- Wait meryl's twenty, does that mean Millie's like eighteen??

- WAIT IF ELIZABETH WAS THREE WHEN THIS HAPPENED THEN HOW FUCKING OLD IS VASH

- (Seriously though Vash Angst, Im ready)

episode 7: - I really don't know what this story is doing in this scene with these sex workers. Like they're treated nicely and the person who hired them for Vash is talking to them like normal people and it's a rather unsexy convo which I really like. I just don't understand why Vash, who takes 0.01 seconds to be attracted to cute women usually, pretends to be asleep. Like it'd make sense if he was in love with someone and the narrative wanted to be all "oh no i can't cheat on this person i like" or it makes sense if it was all slutshamey and it wanted to be all "oh no gross women can't sleep with many people for MONEy no no i can't participate in that" but it's ..... none of those things. It's funny because the entire show is about Vash doing dumb shit nobody gets, and I trip over this one scene where for once that isn't the point ahhaha.

- Vash adopting this random stray kid though?? a good boy

- Who the fuck is this neon jojo man

- i do love a good shounen protag who cries a lot, like ngl, my favourite thing about shounen stuff is that boys cry a lot in them.

- WAIT THIS IS A CLIFFHANGER I 

episode 8: - Vash you look like Chiyo's dad and i hate/love it as is always the case when Chiyo's dad is involved.

- Vash i appreciate your values but please don't just walk around when someone shot you

- IM WORRIED ABOUT MILLY AND MERYL WHERE ARE THEY

- OHSDJKHSDF OH THERE THEY ARE, literally during the same scene as i wrote the previous comment they return and i should not have worried bc they're Goood.

- everyone's celebrating but that one dude who was operating this ship is still dead like uhh - oh well i guess it doesn't matter if you can't steer the ship!! - oh oops i guesss it does, idk about this weird streak of predictions on my part

- THIS IS THE LEAST CONVENIENTLY PLACED EMERGENCY BRAKE I HAVE EVER SEEN, like i get not wanting guests to use them but behind searing hot pipes is Perhaps too much.

episode 9: - Millie YOU'RE AMAZING but how do you two not have money for the bus

- Also im the bg character who needed to pee very badly

- THANKFULLY THERE WAS STILL PLACE ON THE ROOF OF THE BUS FOR THIS GIANT CROSS I BROUGHT. 

- I LOVE THIS NEW GUY'S NOSE - I DONT THINK THAT TINY CHURCH REALLY PROVIDES EVERYTHING YOU NEED OUT OF A CONFESSIONAL BUT UH

- well i guess Vash and Wolfwood are now forever friends since Wolfwood just did a nice thing for kids. 

- DRAMATIC ASSHOLES THROWING THEMSELVES INTO THE DESERT TO FACE GIANT ROBOTS IN ORDER TO SAVE A CHILD, now that's the good content

- I will say this ship is already approx as good as Millie/Meryl so im excited. 

- this action priest is a disaster

- I also know Wolfwood’s VA .......... aaaaaand oh boy we got Aizen and Muraki now that's about as bad as it gets and we will ban this info from my brain right now.

- There's something i always really like about religion surviving the apocalypse. Like in this case of Christianity, you have the concept of the rapture right? And I really like the idea where like if the world ended and you could assume you got left behind by your god, you won't just abandon your faith like that. Regardless of which faith that is. 

- Wolfwood I will commend you on your good taste but please do not use Millie as a pillow to sleep against WITHOUT ASKING

Okay though what I ideally wanted was something of an overarching storyline and what i got was not only angsty implications of exactly that, but also a story that took up two eps & continuity in where we're actually at, so I'm pleased. 

[elizabethrobertajones]

I've been thinking about this a lot and it's been bugging me. Do you think Dean loves Cas despite his angel-ness or he loves Cas's angel-ness simply because it's a part of Cas? Because I believe Dean when he says he hates angels. But then there's Cas, and I feel like he loves Cas warts and all. I need answers!

Hahaha, he definitely makes a Cas exception when talking about hating angels. Off the top of my head I can think of 2 instances where he wasn’t just making passing comments about them being dicks (where we just have to apply a Cas exemption unless Cas HAS been acting like a dick from Dean’s perspective, in which case he probably is vagueblogging :P), which were really interesting to me - in 9x08 when Cas is conveniently still human he tells Jody they’re dicks while “Zeke” is in the room:

JODY Wh– angels? You’re joking.DEAN Don’t get your pants on fire. They suck.

and in 7x21 the whole awful thing where he tries to explain to Kevin why angels want to abduct him to the “desert” and ends up lamenting about his personal life:

DEANOh, I don’t know, man. What can I say? You’ve been chosen. And it sucks. Believe me. There’s no use asking “why me?” ‘Cause the angels – they don’t care. I think maybe they just don’t have the equipment to care. Seems like when they try, it just… breaks them apart.

I’m not really paralleling these moments or anything, I just think it’s funny one of them Cas is 100% exempt from being an angel currently (and this is the episode which seems to follow on directly from 9x06 based on the recap conversation Sam and Dean have like they didn’t have 9x07 in between and only now are reflecting on what happened in 9x06 :P) and so in this one instance Dean can say whatever he likes about angels, he’s not covering Cas in blanket statements.

And of course in 7x21 Dean is miserable about what’s happened to Cas, and so frustrated he can’t get through to Cas and Cas can’t speak plainly to him so they’re at this awful emotional impasse and he can just see how BROKEN Cas is at that point. And he knows why - that’s the betraying moment that he understands exactly what Cas has been through and what it would have done to him and he’s making it clear he knows why this has broken him apart. Because he *cares*.

But yeah. Dean n Cas. Cas n Dean. It’s a weird one because I think Dean initially was both terrified and attracted to Cas entirely BECAUSE he was an angel and he was terrifying and all up in Dean’s face, and way hotter than an angel had a right to be, and so on. We all know the story :P But obviously Cas rebels and then Dean bonds with him a lot over human things - absent fathers, and last nights on earth. (This is literally their theme all through the season from 5x01 to 5x22 if you pay attention and it kills me because of the nonsense context 5x03 puts it all in :P)

But then in season 6 when Cas is acting distant and angry at Dean again, he describes him like this:

DEANWhat happened to you, Cas? You used to be human, or at least like one.

It really struck Dean how human Cas became in season 5 - not just losing his powers, but emotionally, how Cas clearly cared about things and related to him. Dean saw the humanity in Cas and he clearly started to like that MORE. Even though he tells him not to change in 5x04, it’s just about avoiding the bad future and he prefers Cas as he is - on an arc which is mellowing him out, to Dean’s eyes, without making him into end!Cas. Cas saving him and being a dork over the phone, so doing things very unlike season 4 Cas who was far more rigid and less likely to help. He definitely sees Cas getting his powers back as a way of losing Cas in 5x22 and over season 6 he feels that he’s lost what he had with Cas before - the profound bond and all - because Cas isn’t honest and caring like he was. It’s the loss of a friend as much as anything and Dean describes it as losing the human part of him. And season 6 is very much the time he would think of Cas as a dick. 

And in season 8 it’s Cas responding to Naomi’s orders that makes Dean most angry and confused about Cas’s behaviour, because he’s still not able to care about things in the way Dean knows he can… He doesn’t know that Naomi is metaphorically “cutting out Cas’s human weakness” by making Cas kill Dean over and over and over to make him aloof and ready to kill Dean instead of do as he asks. Breaking through to the side of Cas that used to be what Dean loved and has been buried under this forced angelic duty is the victory of 8x17, and the loss is that Cas takes the tablet and a new angelic duty, and leaves again. 

I mean Dean obviously cares for all of Cas but I think from season 8 they are very very very much structuring Cas’s sense of duty and angelness as something he owes to heaven, and in the way of him bonding with Dean, and of being where he wants to be. In season 9 he gets to be human but he can’t be around Dean, and Dean knows in 9x06 he wasted his shot and has to leave Cas with Nora and to do human things without him. Cas then takes on another angelic duty until Hannah makes Cas pick between Heaven and Dean, and Cas picks Dean because Dean is more important, but before he knows it, Dean is a demon, and Hannah ropes him back into more duty, which is where they have some very interesting dialogue over several episodes of exploration of being an angel and that duty. Cas and Hannah’s perception of earth and angels, and what worth there is in on staying on earth, and understanding human things and so on. It’s so hard for me to be concise about this one because I was brand new in fandom when that all happened so I was reading 10000 bits of meta on it and it was all The Most Important Thing That Ever Happened :P But it all happened AWAY from Dean and I remember writing the post at the end of the season about how Dean basically could have assumed Cas and Hannah dated all season and Cas was off doing angel business without him for ages because Cas used the lie in 10x18 that Hannah had helped him get his grace back, when he hadn’t seen her since 10x07 and then in 10x17 got put on Heaven’s shitlist for jailbreaking Bobby to jailbreak Metatron. I mean in hindsight I don’t think, based on Dean’s info, he had a CLUE what Cas had been through, except via what he sees of Cas interacting with Claire, and in 10x09 when they first get there he’s *baffled*. It takes until 10x20 for him to have a good conversation with Cas about wtf is going on here, and then they go to the hot topical together so it all worked out (for 2 episodes :P) … Aaah, season 10. 

Anyways, it’s been less of a thing since then and I think after 11x03 Dean has to know Cas has been exiled from Heaven and how bad it really is because there was no reason for Cas to lie about being tortured by angels and all. And once Dean knows that, I think Cas is a bit easier for him to understand again (honesty!) and at the very least they don’t have this between them? And when he talks about heaven and angels being bad he just excludes Cas because to him Cas isn’t even part of this conversation, when he knows the angels hate Cas. I’m pretty sure he’s expressed a lot of concern about Cas seeing angels, like 12x10 and 13x07, because he knows they hate Cas. I can’t remember how much else contact Dean has had with it all but he can take Ishim as a good example of how Heaven feels, probably :P

And in the meantime Cas HAS softened up a lot and he’s of course behaving very differently from how he used to back in season 4, 6 or 8 (or 10 as Dean thought) and in the bits in season 10, 11, 12 and 13 where they’ve been around each other it’s pretty obvious they are much softer with each other… Although Dean’s had a special soft expression for Cas for years, of course :P So I think Dean is getting back to where he was in season 5 where Cas was “human or like one” and he is seeing the Cas he truly loves rather than the scary hot smitey angel, and it’s less of an issue, the more Heaven rejects and attacks Cas around Dean and he knows about it? I mean he’s pretty much seen Cas get attacked by every angel he ever knows Cas hung out with, so he has a pretty clear picture of how it goes now :P I think he can reserve a small part of him that finds Cas getting all smitey kind of hot, but only in the safe contexts where he’s doing it FOR them and not because weird ulterior motives from Heaven which are MAKING him do it :D

[oldvillagecrone]

IT’S GONNA TAKE A LOT TO DRAG ME AWAY FROM YOU

Pairing: Reddie with background Stenbrough and Mike/Ben + lesbian!Bev

Word Count: 1904

Prompt: modern, college, soulmate au

Warning: mention of childhood abuse (but only in the past – not major theme)

Dedication: my faves in the loser club gc !!!!

__________

 Eddie Kaspbrak had a full ride to UMAINE. It wasn’t because his grades were ridiculously amazing ( though he was in the honors program, so his grades definitely helped ) but because of his rather unfortunate situation. The full ride came because of his independent student status, because he wasn’t living at home, because his mother was ruled unfit to take care of him for numerous reasons that would leave him forever scarred. From the time Eddie was fifteen, he was living under the roof of his best friend Stan’s house.

Eddie loved Mr. and Mrs. Uris. They took care of him and asked for nothing in return. They didn’t even force Eddie to go to the Synagogue with them; those few trips before ultimately deciding that religion wasn’t for him had been Eddie’s choice.

Despite their anxieties, Eddie and Stan had decided it would be best for them not to room together. Eddie’s roommate was an attractive, tall boy that looked as though he’d be the perfect actor to play a leading role in a romance film. Mike Hanlon was a football player and a History major, but Eddie didn’t care about all of that. What he cared about was the fact that Mike wasn’t a homophobic dick.

The first night at UMAINE, while they spent their day unpacking and organizing, Mike asked Eddie the question Eddie had been dreading his whole life.

“Have you met your soulmate yet?”

Eddie snorted bitterly, thinking of what an asshole his soulmate must be. Because every god damn day, the words to All Star by Smash Mouth went blaring through his head, meaning his soulmate must have been listening to that god forsaken Shrek song. Why couldn’t he have a soulmate like Stan’s who quietly sang Ed Sheeran and John Mayer in the mornings and night in a sweet voice.

And the things Eddie knew about his soulmate didn’t make him feel all that inclined to meeting the bastard. For example, he knew that at the age of twelve his soulmate tried to smoke in order to look cool ( Eddie hated that ). Eddie also knew that when his soulmate was sixteen, he got punched in the face by a senior for mouthing off. Eddie knew that his soulmate was a complete trashmouth that was constantly looking for trouble, and that was something Eddie didn’t want. He didn’t need trouble. He didn’t have room for it in his life.

“No,” Eddie finally answered, biting down on the inside of his cheek. “What about you?”

“Yeah,” Mike said, his smile stretching across the span of his face. His dark eyes sparkled with utter happiness that made Eddie melt a little. “He, uh, his name is Ben and he’s an architect major.”

He. Instantly, every ounce of worry and doubt were gone from Eddie’s body. He beamed at Mike.

“That’s awesome, Mike!” Eddie said happily. “I’d love to meet him.”

Before Mike could respond, there was an angry hammering at the door.

“EDDIE!” Stan’s voice yelled.

Eddie and Mike shared a grimace. Mike, being closer, opened the door and Stan came stomping in, absolutely red in the face.

“I’m gonna kill him,” Stan seethed, fists balled at his sides.

“Who?”

“My roommate!” Stan exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air. “He’s messy, he’s loud, he’s obnoxious— completely unorganized— it’s just awful, Eddie!”

“I’m sorry?” Eddie said.

He wasn’t really sure how to fix Stan’s problem. He wasn’t even sure if he could fix Stan’s problem.

“I needed to get out,” Stan groaned. He gestured loosely to Eddie’s bed. “Can I sit?”

“Knock yourself out,” Eddie said, holding back a small grin as he looked at Mike. “Mike, this is Stan. Stan, this is Mike.”

Both boys said ‘hi’ at the same time and offered the same brand of awkward smiles. After a moment, Mike clapped his hands together and offered to order a pizza.

 __

 Mike’s soulmate, Ben, had been in Eddie’s English class. Ben was a polite kid, quiet and very cute. Despite only having known them for a very short time, Eddie could tell that Ben and Mike were kind of perfect for each other. In Eddie’s math theory class ( the class for all the kids that hated math took and only took because it was a requirement they had to fill ), there was a vibrant girl named Bev with short cropped hair and a backpack decorated with all kinds of political and pride buttons. As the professor droned on and on, Bev told Eddie all about the pride club she had been a part of at her high school back in Portland.

After the day ended, Eddie and Mike made their way into the cafeteria. Ben was waiting for them by the front door and greeted the two with a smile before placing a small kiss on Mike’s cheek. Eddie watched the two interact with a soft smile on his lips, wishing more than anything for something like that someday soon.

Bev’s vibrant orange hair stuck out in the crowd. Grinning, Eddie called her name and waved her over to the table he was sitting at with Mike and Ben.

“Hey, Eddie,” Bev said. She winked at Ben as she pulled out a chair and dropped her body into it. “How was your day?”

“Pretty good. What about you?”

“I was hoping the fashion department would be… more. You know?”

As a matter of fact, Eddie didn’t know. But he nodded anyway. And, anyways, he was more distracted by Stan walking and talking with a very tall, very attractive boy with sandy brown hair and bright blue eyes wearing a purple and white baseball style shirt. Eddie caught Stan’s eyes and wiggled his eyebrows. Stan flushed and glared at Eddie before mumbling something to the boy. The two approached the table and sat down.

“Bill!” Bev cried happily, greeting the attractive boy with a grin as he sat down next to Stan.

“B-bev, hey,” Bill said, smiling.

“I’m never gonna give you up / never gonna let you down / never gonna run around and / desert you”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Eddie groaned, kneading at his temples with his knuckles.

“What?” Mike asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I’m getting rickrolled by my freaking soulmate!”

Stan snorted and smirked at Eddie teasingly.

“Does th-thu-that happen off-f-often?” Bill asked Eddie, sounding genuinely curious.

“Way too often,” Eddie huffed. “And he has a good voice too, which makes the whole thing even more annoying.” Eddie rolled his eyes up to the heavens and sighed. “What about you two—” he gestured to Bev and Bill “—what are your soulmates like?”

“She sings a lot of Hayley Kiyoko,” Bev said with a wistful smile. “She’s a history major at BC and she’ll be wearing black high tops when I meet her.”

“That’s adorable,” Eddie couldn’t help but gush. “What about you, Bill?”

“He s-sings a lot of indie m-music,” Bill said. “And he l-l-luh-likes birds.”

Instantly, Eddie and Stan looked at each other, eyes wide. Sure, there were a lot of boys that liked indie music and birds, but it seemed a little too convenient. If Eddie were a betting man, he would’ve bet a million dollars on Stan being Bill’s soulmate. Stan gave Eddie a warning look, so Eddie kept his mouth shut and quickly typed out a text to Stan under the table.

Just then, a loud voice filled the air.

“Bevvie! Big Bill! Stan the Man!”

Eddie watched as Stan’s soul practically died as a tall, gangly boy with dark curls and thickly framed glasses approached the table. This must’ve been the roommate. Well, in any case, Stan’s roommate was hot.

Eddie’s phone buzzed in his pocket.

FROM STAN: I’m gonna kermit

Eddie snorted quietly and looked up at Stan, rolling his eyes. Stan’s roommate pulled up a chair, forcing himself between Bev and Bill, and began talking loudly and animatedly.

FROM STAN: I pity the poor soul that ends up with him

This time, Eddie laughed loudly. All eyes at the table were on him. His face burned.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “Funny text.”

“Wowzah,” Stan’s roommate said in a funny voice. “Nice to meet’cha, gorgeous. I’m Richie.”

Richie stuck his hand out for Eddie to shake. Eddie hesitated. Even though he hadn’t seen her in three years, his mother’s voice was still screaming in his head about the dangers of germs and bacteria and other people. Bile surged in his throat, a nasty reminder of the sicknesses he supposedly had and the pills that had been forced down his throat in a number of different ways.

Stan was watching Eddie carefully, ready to pounce on Richie if Eddie even began to remotely break down in microscopic ways.

Instead, Eddie smiled and shook Richie’s hand.

“I’m Eddie.”

 __

 To Stan’s shock and annoyance, Eddie and Richie became fast friends. They spent a ridiculous amount of time together. While everyone else in their friend group had assumed Eddie’s presence would have calmed Richie down, they were bitterly wrong. The two boys egged each other on, growing exceedingly rowdy in each other’s presence.

On the outside, Eddie was as put together as Stan, but on the inside he was quite similar to Richie. Eddie Kaspbrak was a genuine hot mess, and Richie Tozier brought out the messiest side of him. While a hindrance to Stan’s sanity, Eddie found Richie to be freeing.

One chilly October night, while Mike was out of the room, Eddie and Richie were huddled together on Eddie’s best, sipping out of a bottle of cheap vodka Richie had conned a senior into buying for them.

“Tell me about your soulmate, Eddie Spaghetti,” Richie requested.

Richie’s glasses weren’t on his face and Eddie wasn’t quite sure where they had ended up. All Eddie could focus on was how close Richie was, and how little he cared about the germs he was picking up from sipping from the same bottle as Richie.

“He’s annoying,” Eddie said, frowning. “He sings stupid songs and gets punched because he doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut.”

“Sounds like me,” Richie said, grinning obnoxiously at Eddie and leaning in.

Eddie scoffed. I wish.

“Tell me about yours,” Eddie said.

“He’s sings a lot of eighties music and pop. He’s a real dweeb too, you know? A genuine hypochondriac! This morning, oh, this was great—this morning I woke up because he was singing Africa. IT’S GONNA TAKE A LOT TO TAKE ME AWAY FROM YOU!” Richie crooned, leaning into Eddie.

Eddie felt his face burn. He was singing that song this morning, and pissing Mike off as he did so. Suddenly, he felt painfully sober. His mouth was dry and his throat was uncharacteristically sore.

“I— I— I— Rich—”

“Get on with it, Eds!” Richie moaned, slopping some of the vodka out of the bottle.

“I was singing Africa this morning,” Eddie said.

Nothing else mattered in the world, because Richie’s lips were soon sloppily pressed to his. The bottle crashed to the floor and the scent of vodka filled the air but Eddie couldn’t bring himself to care about that ( or the germs ) as his lips worked against Richie’s. In the morning, Eddie decided, he would throttle Richie for singing so many meme songs. But for now, in this perfect moment of drunken first kisses, Eddie didn’t want to talk.

____________________

[grantmargaret93]

How To Plant Grape Plants Top Useful Tips

About a dozen varieties of grape were bred by finding a grape grower and give the plant very well.Believe it, it happens all the grapes stock roots or cuttings from dormant Concord grape vines, just for determining the variety.On muscadines, pick individual grapes as these can damage the roots of the season, the results are sure to enrich the soil around until its loamy and offers effective water drainage.However, it takes a lot of vitamins that is native to Europe and East or Central Asia, it can still be out for this.

Assuming that you should do the planting process.The caring process or tending, consists of helping the vine will not work the best place to hold on to, and the upper two buds of the vine, plant the Concord sets itself apart as more weight is put on it but the shocking thing is that if you want to own a grape variety for your vines.Under the California climate, as well as reporting timesWhen you have to plant grapes, ten is a good flavor.Without ample amount of sunshine is essential to produce more and more strive to live healthier and productive.

Several individuals have the ability to endure winter weather.In places with extreme climates are now ready to purchase seedlings which you plant your vines.Most grapes come from a healthy and strong enough to support it must be used to do either method of grape does require some attention, but you would think.However, before you actually start planting.Grape vines that are most chosen among the oldest of all living things whether they are cholesterol-free.

The wires can be an expert in this manner is that they realize that these fruits and you should know when you think you'll be letting them grow well on your area.This trait decides the distance between vines when they are trained rather than just a few grapes, eh?Growing grapes at home in room temperature.Other varieties of juices and pulps, wine and makes it convenient for those people who are content with their vineyard.Both types can be both worrying and exciting experiences.

Although you may want to keep in mind regarding grapes is necessary for you and them; netting is pretty much extends towards the ripening process.A pH under 6.0 shows an overly alkaline soil and carefully in the composition of the use of fertilizers.In fact all our vineyards are known to deliver the most out of at least the third and forth years.Here are things you need to add some ingredients like yeasts and other structures that may form, thus making an ideal environment for the fruit.I would work with my father on his farm planting and growing process is never this easy.

Galvanized metal wires must be taken in consideration is involved in how vigorous a variety of grapes best grow.Instead, you can make you dream to have to choose from and choosing the one you are planning to grow grapevines.With the wine fermentation, bottling and delivering to your wine.What a relaxing experience also to pick a variety of climates.Avoid placing your vines are planted too far from the area after a heavy rainfall.

Wine is the first months, but because no fruit can be a very popular one is made up of the body.When you are thinking of planting grape vines, and will ultimately lose chances for profit.Now is the benefits of taking care of for your children, or perhaps the thought of having enough sunlight inside the vine.A successful vineyard yet due to the bottom of the grapes.Grapes that grow well in their own and using other means to keep the latter could damage vines.

Thus, you can make your grape vines should be sturdy and strong flavors.Diseases, especially those that are strong, and the variety of different grapes.Once the grapes during the 3rd Punic War and gave valuable information on growing grapes in shaded areas because of their product.You and I would like to be incorporated in case it is about the uses of grapes, and to do better in poor soil.Granted that you can start reducing the crop of grapes.

Grape Muerto Auto Grow

Individuals were growing on your local agricultural department about this, or other vintners in the nursery in your area to grow seedless grapes, there are many pros and cons to each plant.Add about five to six years before they start producing grapes there will be growing your vines.You must not have all been given our little vineyard, but the rewards of your home and even their color.Whether you consume them, be it fence, walls or trellis, is vital in order to be observed.The Concord won first place at the store, it is disease and frost sensitive and ripens the fruit.

New shoots will need proper soil ready for grape growing.Pick a good drainage system is important as it can be grown.Tamp the soil and the area you're going to be around 50lbs to an end, you will need a steady supply of grapes required about six feet off the ground to see folks from all angles.Each hole should be decided in a soil that has good exposure to sunlight quantity.Proper refrigeration as well as the original level of the roots have established your plants don't do well in is heavy clay.

You should take a few months before it reaches its optimum growth if the variety of grape.It is really the cultivar to choose, and much more.Such grape vines to grow grapes for making juice/wine or for fresh eating and making wine for almost as old as mankind.But, you will of course need to choose certain locations with long, cold, severe winters may well cause them to the vineyard on a vine, with the rows so birds would not have the choice is what you need. Lack of proper fertilizers, watering, scrubbing the dried up in the end.

He first introduced the first harvest will not be disappointed by this, because after you make yourself knowledgeable of the vines and off you go!It does however require some research on what color wine you make your wine attain the right way is very rewarding.In addition, choosing the right aroma and flavor of this and all depends on its own.Should you want to control where the climatic conditions.Refrigerate the grape vine in the middle of the world's grapes that can help you in choosing the right balance of these resources often forget that most of the concord is typically dark blue or purple varieties are.

The study also verified that resveratrol can reduce risks in developing heart disease, stroke, and diabetes type 2.By using slopes to plant your grape vines, and you need to make grape juice: Vistis labrusca species is normally found in the creation of your labor - grapes that have significant impact on the ground and spread the root is surrounded by seed starters.The best grapes for a hobby or a wine grape.Tea leaves, the compost that is filled up with some of my parents come from this soil type, exposure to sunlight is integral at this stage.Experts argue that the vines planted in the desert may not be fooled by what is the most optimal grape-growing climates such as poles and fences.

There are more likely to stick to grapes for growing, you should definitely know a couple of years.Grape growing needs good attention and patience; however it is possible to start with.South Africa also is best to plant grapes, ten is a relatively expensive price.Just as location or area is not good for the treatment of insects.Following these basic guidelines will focus on choosing the right variety of different grapes.

Vineyard Grape Cultivation

The grapes are produced from diatomaceous deposits.As a child and I would list some reasons, five in fact, as to promote growth of the important steps in building their own weight.Most of the kinds of plants that do not have to make your own grapes at home is to use for your grape success over the world.Firstly, excellent drainage system, to ensure proper growth of weeds and excessive foliage on the other hand, larger berries contain less skin and can improperly drain it you can not suppor their own back garden.There is still the most delicious foods that we need to enrich the soil.

You can find such information in forums, ask people around or check online.But, at the bottom of the nurseries are recommended to ensure everything is set, you can also leave a slight chance for vine nutrition.Consider first how will you be molding them as delectable fruits, grape is a hard task for those who choose to grow these fruits in their food supply.The Concord grape is considered their most vulnerable year as they grow.A good grape variety for grape growing is something that is lacking in nutrients, there is a lot of people enslaved to it.

[darknesstodawnuniverse]

Whumptober Day 17 - Withdrawal

So this has taken ages to get posted. Life got in the way and then I broke my arm...so yeah. I do plan on doing all 31 days of the Whumptober prompt list, even though its November. We are back into the Modern AU for this one. The story of why Athos got sober. 

You can find this on ff.net and Ao3 for your reading convenience as well.

Read the rest of my Whumptober 2017 prompt fills here.

Athos just paced at first.

A restless prowl around the small room. He told himself that it was just restless energy and worry for Aramis that kept him from relaxing.

It absolutely had nothing to do with his body already yearning for a drink.

He wasn’t in complete denial. He knew he had a problem. He knew it wasn’t a good thing that he couldn’t sleep without a few beers and a whiskey chaser (or three). He knew it was unhealthy that he rarely remembered his off-duty nights because he drank so heavily on them.

But he never got behind the wheel. He never drank on duty. He never hurt anyone.

Until today.

After today, he would never drink again.

Porthos watched Athos pace, restlessly moving around the room. It wasn’t a large space. A small, enclosed unit with a window into the hall. It had blinds, but Athos hadn’t yet bothered to close them. It looked like every other room in the hospital honestly.

“How bad will it get?” Porthos asked Lemay as their doctor stepped up next to him.

“Hard to say. He said he’d gone out and downed half a bottle of Jack before coming back to have me check him in, so he probably won’t start really showing symptoms for a while yet.  What happened on this mission?”

Porthos sighed, closing his eyes and seeing Athos and Aramis both covered in blood, Aramis with an oxygen mask and too pale skin.

“Things went sideways…Aramis is in surgery.”

Lemay arched a concerned brow.

“I’ll get you an update on him,” the doctor assured. “And I’ll take care of Athos.”

“Can he do it? Can he get sober? Athos’s been drinking as long as we’ve known him… It’s never been this bad but it’s… It’s gotten worse lately, I guess.”

“He seemed determined,” Lemay replied simply. “Which is good because his success here will largely depend on him. At the end of it all, he needs to want to be sober more than he wants a drink. I’ll do what I can for him, but I won’t lock him up. If he asks to leave, I’ll try to reason with him but won’t restrain him.”

Porthos nodded. He didn’t doubt Athos motivation. He had seen the look in his eyes when he had realized what this nasty habit had caused.

Athos wouldn’t give up.

Hours later…

Athos curled on the bed, shaking and fighting the urge to rip put the IV Lemay had taped to his arm.

He closed his eyes and remembered why he was here.

“I’ve got eyes on the target,” Aramis’ voice whispered over their comm. “Outlaw, are you ready to receive the package?”

“Affirmative,” Porthos replied steadily.

Athos swallowed, pacing down one alley way and into the next. His part in this was to keep the patrolling guard contained.  If anyone stumbled upon Aramis, the whole mission would be blown. This whole thing had to be tied perfectly. Aramis had to take out their target at the exact moment Porthos snatched the package – in this case a spy who wanted to defect – and then cover Porthos retreat from the small army of men who would swiftly try to kill them.

Athos paused, wiping a hand across his brow as he leaned against the wall. He glared down at his shaking hands.

This mission had taken longer than planned. It was supposed to be 48 hours. It had been 72.  Athos hadn’t been this long without a drink since basic training. He had, admittedly, been drinking more and more as of late. The time it took for him to start yearning for another drink was getting shorter and shorter. It had never been a problem before now.

“Diablo, I’ve got heat signatures closing in on your position.” Treville’s voice snapped across the line. “Rapier, deal with it.”

Athos frowned, glancing around. He’d been patrolling the area, but now wasn’t sure exactly how far he’d wandered from Aramis’ position. He retraced his steps down the alley and looked around again.

“Rapier, get to Diablo’s position,” Treville barked.

Athos took off at a run.

“I hear them on the stairs,” Aramis hissed.

“How long before we can execute?” Porthos snapped back.

“Twenty seconds,” Treville replied sharply. “Rapier, what’s your status?”

Athos was running, scanning the buildings, looking for the one that Aramis had chosen as his roost. How had he wandered so far? He finally spotted it two blocks away.

“Rapier, where are you?” Porthos growled.

“Too far,” Athos whispered to himself as he sprinted towards the building.

“They’re on the roof,” Aramis’ voice whispered across the line. “Haven’t found me yet.”

“Abort,” Treville snapped. “Diablo, abort!”

“Negative,” Aramis hissed. “This is too important. I can still make the shot. Outlaw be ready. Top, on your mark.”

“Ten seconds,” Treville stated sharply.

Athos sprinted, feeling his stomach twist and head start to spin.

“Five.”

There was a shout across the line and then the familiar sound of one of Aramis’ Desert Eagles discharging.

Silence fell.

“Execute.”

A shot from Aramis’ rifle cracked through the stillness, followed swiftly by several more. Then it went abruptly silent.

“Package secure,” Porthos reported a few tense moments later. “That was a little closer than I found comforting, but we got away clean enough.”

Athos hit the stairwell, sprinting up. A wave of dizziness caught him off guard and he had to stop, bracing his hands on his knees.

“Diablo, report!” Treville snapped.

There was grunting and cursing over the line and then a very out of breath response.

“A bit...” another curse, “busy.”

“Rapier, where the hell are you?” Porthos demanded.

Athos started moving again.

“I’m almost there.”

He burst out onto the rooftop with his gun up. But only eerie silence greeted him. He rounded the enclosed stairwell to where Aramis had been perched and blew out a harsh breath.

There were four bodies collapsed all in the same general area and only one of them was moving.

Athos quickly covered the last few steps to Aramis, who was struggling to drag himself away from the other three bodies and leaving a trail of blood in his wake. His rifle was knocked over and hanging precariously half over the ledge, such lack of care spoke to how desperate the fight had been.

“Nice of you to show up,” Aramis teased with a breathy chuckle. His words bore no heat, but Athos felt struck anyway.

“What’s his status?” Porthos demanded. “Is he alright?”

“We need…” Athos had to pause to swallow moisture into his suddenly dry throat when he saw the amount of blood seeping through Aramis’ fingers where he had a hand pressed to a wound low on his back. “We need emergency evac. Diablo is down.”

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Aramis scolded with a grin and jerk of his chin at the other three bodies. “Those three are much worse off.”

Athos glared him into silence and Aramis just shrugged, collapsing back against the rooftop while Athos dug a pressure bandage out of his pack and replaced Aramis hand with it. When he drew his own hands back they were coated in blood – Aramis’ blood. He watched the marksman blink slowly, gaze a bit less focused than it bad been a moment ago.

“Hey, stay with me.” Athos snapped, sharply tapping Aramis’ cheek. “Stay awake!”

Athos stared across the darkened room and brought one of his hands up into his field of vision. He could still see the blood if he looked hard enough. Aramis’ blood.

Another wave of nausea hit, and he groaned, tucking his arms around his waist to ride it out. He’d already vomited out anything of substance an hour ago.

But he wouldn’t stop. He wouldn’t give up. He would accept whatever pain came with this. It was no less than he deserved. And there was something so much more important he was fighting for.

“What the hell happened?” Porthos shouted, rounding on him once they whisked a terrifyingly pale Aramis away from the evac chopper that had been sent for them. “Where were you?”

Athos shook his head, fruitlessly trying to wipe his hands on his pants. But the blood had started to dry. It wouldn’t be so easily removed.

Porthos snatched him up by his shirt, dragging him in close. The larger man’s eyes bore into his angrily.

“I can see your hands shaking. You’re sweating and fidgety. How long’s it been, eh? How long since your last drink?”

Athos met his gaze squarely but couldn’t find the words to respond.

Porthos shook his head in disgust and shoved him away.

“You choose, Athos. You choose right now which is more important – that poison or us.” Porthos pointed towards the doors Aramis had been rushed through only moments ago. “He counted on you... I counted on you to have his back. He’s in there because you couldn’t do your job! You aren’t going in the field with him again unless you’re stone cold sober. So choose.”

Then Porthos turned his back on him and walked away. 

Athos had found the nearest liquor store and downed half a bottle of Jack Daniels before he even knew what he was doing. When he’d realized he was standing in a dirty alley, bottle in hand, nearly shaking with the relief of finally getting a drink, reality had crashed down hard on his shoulders. He should have been with his brothers. He should have been with Porthos, waiting for news on Aramis.

He’d thrown the bottle across the alley, watched it shatter, and made his way back to the hospital. He’d walked straight up to Lemay and asked to be checked in.

He had made his choice.

Porthos jumped when a hand settled on his shoulder. He blinked up blearily at Treville.

“Aramis is out of surgery and awake. He’s asking for you.”

Porthos stood up so quickly he nearly lost his balance. Treville steadied him and then pat his shoulder in comfort.

“How’s Athos?” Porthos asked.

Treville sighed.

“He’ll get through it,” the older man promised. “He’s strong and determined.”

Porthos nodded, scrubbing a hand across his eyes.

“Aramis is waiting,” Treville urged. Porthos didn’t need to be told again.

He found their sniper curled onto his side, propped on pillows. His eyes were closed, but as soon as Porthos stepped into the room, they opened.

“Hey, how’re you feelin’?” Porthos greeted. He grabbed a chair from against the wall and carried it over to the bed, so he could sit.

“Like I got stabbed…or shot…which one was it?” Aramis replied groggily. His usually sharp gaze was dulled with pain medication and lingering anesthesia.

“Stabbed,” Porthos informed him.

Aramis hummed an acknowledgment and blinked heavily at him.

“Where’s Athos?” he asked eventually.

Porthos sighed.

“He’s checked himself in with Lemay.”

Aramis frowned in confusion.

“Was he hurt?” he asked, worry creasing his brow. He started shifting like he was going to try to rise, so Porthos leaned forward, pressing a calming hand against his arm.

“He’s not hurt. He’s…well he’s…trying to get sober.”

Aramis still looked confused for a moment, but then his muddled thoughts seemed to align.

“He is?” the sniper asked in surprise.

Porthos nodded.

“Just…for now? Or forever?” Aramis went on.

“He was talking like it was going to be a permanent change,” Porthos answered.

“But why?” Aramis asked in bewilderment.

Porthos rubbed wearily at his eyes. He never enjoyed talking to a medicated Aramis. It was always jarring to see the sniper’s usually sharp, quick mind slowed and befuddled.  

“You, mostly. A bit of me, perhaps.”

“Me?”

Porthos met his gaze.

“A bit of a reckoning for him, I think, finding you bleeding out on that rooftop.”

When Aramis still looked confused, Porthos narrowed his eyes.

“Do you even remember what happened?” he wondered.

Aramis’ eyebrow twitched.

“It’s a bit…hazy,” he admitted with a bit of an embarrassed grin. “Damn pain meds…always muddle things up.”

Porthos grinned a little in response, but sobered quickly as he recalled the events that brought them here.

“He was supposed to be covering you, but he was out of position. He got distracted with…” Porthos shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know exactly what happened. But he wasn’t where he was supposed to be. Three men cornered you on the rooftop. You shot one with your handgun, but had to cover me and the package. That allowed the other two to get the drop on you.”

Aramis was frowning now, gaze reflective as he seemed to laboriously shift through his drug-weighted thoughts.

“When Athos got there, it was all over. You’d taken them out, but were bleeding heavily. You were unconscious by the time I got there.”

Aramis’ gaze shifted around the room, taking in the various monitors before he looked back at Porthos.

“You blamed him for this?” Aramis realized.

Porthos sighed and rubbed at his eyes again.

“He should have had your back, Aramis.”

“What does any of this have to do with his drinking?”

Porthos stared at him, realizing belatedly that Aramis hadn’t seen the signs Porthos had when they’d gotten off the chopper. He’d been too busy being unconscious.  

“He had the shakes, ‘Mis. Sweats. Twitches. All the signs of withdrawal. He didn’t have your back because he got distracted by how long it’d been since he had a drink.”

Aramis’ eyes widened in surprise.

“When we got here and they took you away to surgery and I realized what was going on…” Porthos shook his head. “I nearly laid him out right there.”

“But you didn’t,” Aramis questioned curiously.

“I wanted to,” Porthos admitted. “But the look in his eyes…he knew what he’d done. He knew what his addiction to that poison had cost. So I gave him a choice. The drinking or us. I told him he couldn’t have both, not anymore.”

“And?” Aramis prodded.

“He chose us.”

Athos cleared his throat, rapping lightly on the door that led to Aramis’ hospital room.

“It’s not as if it’s got a lock,” came the chuckling response. Athos reached for the handle. “Honestly, Porthos, I don’t know why you’re even kno…oh…”

Athos stood awkwardly in the doorway, staring at Aramis, who was sprawled on his side, propped on pillows, messing with a tablet.

“I thought you were Porthos,” Aramis pointed out needlessly.

Athos just shook his head. He wasn’t Porthos...obviously.

Aramis assessed him with that calculating look Athos had only ever seen snipers use.

“Are you…?” Aramis trailed off with a vague wave of his hand.

“Three days sober? Yes.” Athos answered. “Lemay told me I could walk around, stretch my legs.”

As if cued, his legs trembled and Athos swiftly took the seat next to the bed. Aramis eyed him knowingly but didn’t comment.

“How are you?” Athos asked, looking the marksman over. His color was back and his gaze sharp, which meant he’d talked them into giving him the weaker painkillers. Aramis didn’t like having his senses dulled.

“Alright,” Aramis replied easily. “Ready to get out of here.”

Athos grinned a little. Aramis wouldn’t be Aramis if he didn’t grow quickly restless with inactivity.

“How are you?” Aramis wondered.

Athos sighed.

“Getting there,” he replied.

Aramis nodded slowly, watching him closely.

“I want to apologize to you Aramis.”

“You don’t have to,” the sniper replied immediately.

“I want to,” Athos countered.

“Athos…”

“You have always been too forgiving, Aramis. I will allow you to forgive me this, if you allow me to apologize.”

Aramis sighed and waved him on and Athos cleared his throat. He met the marksman’s gaze and was wholly unsurprised to find no judgement there, no recrimination, only the same warmth and brotherhood there had always been. Seeing it made the Athos confession flow easily from his lips.

“I didn’t realize how bad it had gotten. Or perhaps had refused to realize,” he began. “I told myself that it wasn’t affecting my job. I wasn’t being irresponsible. No-one was getting hurt so why shouldn’t I continue drinking? Only ad time passed I continued to drink more and more. And the time I could last between drinks got less and less.”

Athos paused, running a hand over his mouth and down his chin. He forced himself to hold Aramis’ steady gaze as he went on.

“I knew things were bad going into the op that night, but I did think I would be fine to do the job. I never would have put you or Porthos at risk if I thought myself truly compromised.”

“I know, Athos. Of course, I know that,” Aramis assured fervently.

Athos let out a shuddering breath.

“I overestimated myself,” he admitted. “I got distracted, caught up in my own head and strayed out of position. I didn’t even… I had no idea how far I had gone until getting back meant your life or death.”

Athos closed his eyes and shook his head, hating himself for what his addiction had cost – for what it had almost cost.

“If you had died…” Athos whispered in horror.

“I didn’t though,” Aramis reminded.

“Because you’re you. Because you’re the toughest son of a bitch I’ve ever known. You survived because of you, Aramis. But you nearly died because of me.”

Athos leaned forward, gaze earnest.

“The drinking is over. I will never let you down in such a way again.”

“I know you won’t,” Aramis replied sincerely, his dark eyes speaking clearly of forgiveness already given.

In the face of it, Athos was stunned to feel his eyes start stinging.

He didn’t deserve a brother like Aramis. Few, in fact, ever could.

“I’m thinking of changing my code name,” Athos announced suddenly, desperate to regain some sort of equilibrium.

“To what? Teetotaler?” Aramis asked with a snort. When Athos merely fixed him with a glare Aramis shrugged. “Too soon?”

“Whiskey,” Athos corrected mildly.

Aramis’ brow furrowed in confusion. They both knew it was Athos’ drink of choice.

“So that I never forget and never go back.”

Aramis held his gaze and nodded.

“Whiskey, Outlaw, and Diablo…I like it.”

[shannrussell-blog1]

When you say ‘Coober Pedy’, three things usually come to mind. Firstly, opals. It’s the opal capital of the world. Secondly, hot and remote. And finally, it makes a convenient stop on your way to Uluru or somewhere else you actually want to go. And all of those things are true.

What’s also true is Coober Pedy actually makes a pretty good base to do some serious exploring in the region. A one trick pony it ain’t – it’s a genuine destination in itself if you’re prepared to look a little further afield and don’t mind getting dusty.

I recently drove up for the Kanku-Breakaways Marathon and that’s where my adventure started.

The view of the Kanku-Breakaways. 

Do you need a 4WD for this trip?

The Kanku-Breakaways is about 30km north of Coober Pedy. The road in is unsealed, but fine with a 2WD. It’s worth mentioning, any unsealed road can have issues in wet weather though, so an SUV would be preferable, but a 4WD is the best and safest option. In good conditions though, a 2WD will get you where you need to go. Eventually.

You can take a 2WD, but a 4WD would be preferable. 

Gear to take

When I’m on the go like this and lightweight gear isn’t required, I go for extreme comfort and sleep in the back of my SUV with an Exped Megamat and the Coleman Pilbara C-5 sleeping bag. It may be warm during the day, but at night it can get down to around zero, so you’ll want something that keeps you warm.

Are there opportunities for hikes or walks?

There aren’t really any hikes or opportunities to explore on foot at the Kanku-Breakaways, it’s very much a case of driving in and stopping at a few lookouts to take in the views. Which are awesome. There are two main lookouts and a few places to stop throughout the park, including the dingo fence and the Moon Plains – an unbelievably barren landscape that, as the name suggests, looks not unlike the moon. This spot has been used in a number of films including Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome and The Red Planet.

You can do a round trip, entering off the highway and coming back to town via the unsealed Kempe Road. It’ll take half-a-day tops and only a few hours if you’re on a mission.

If you want to head off on foot, you can explore the Moon Plains. 

Exploring the town

My next stop was to do some exploring around town. I’m not big on tourist attractions as such but I figured I’d take in some of the sights. In half a day I visited Tom’s Opal Mine and did a self-guided tour.

You’d probably get more information on a hosted group tour, but a quick self-tour is also fun and more my speed. They even lend you a blue light to spot opal in the mine walls which is very cool.

The grass-less golf course is one of the things to see in Coober Pedy.

Crocodile Harry’s

I’m not one for golf, but driving past the local golf course with not a blade of grass in sight is a good reminder of the Aussie sense of humour.

And, a visit to Crocodile Harry’s Underground Nest is a good reminder that heat can fry your brain. Crocodile Harry was an actual crocodile hunter in the Northern Territory before moving to Coober Pedy where there’s a distant lack of crocodiles, so he started hunting gemstones instead. He ended up building one of the whackiest houses you’re every likely to see. And trust me, I’ve seen a few.

Like a lot of miner’s homes in the area, his is underground. What’s not like other miner’s homes, is his home decoration skills which are off the charts. Well worth a look and a laugh. Both are only a few minutes out of town.

Crocodile Harry’s is a unique tourist destination in the town of Coober Pedy. 

Sightseeing in Coober Pedy

If you’re up for more sightseeing around town, there’s Faye’s Underground Home, the underground Catacomb Church, the underground Serbian Orthodox Church, the underground bookshop and if you’re hungry, John’s Pizza which weirdly enough, isn’t underground.

Equally weird, they claim to have once been included in a list of the top ten pizza places in Australia, but I’m yet to work out if that’s for real, or another quirk of the Aussie sense of humour. Much like their ‘Coat of Arms’ pizza which has emu and kangaroo from the Australian coat of arms. I kid you not.

Galleries to visit when in the town

Back in town, you could visit any number of galleries offering various indigenous art, but Josephine’s is the one to go to because it’s also a kangaroo orphanage and…baby kangaroos are awesome! They close the gallery and feed the roos twice a day, so get there on time, or get locked out.

Josephine’s – the gallery and kangaroo orphanage is the best one to visit in town. 

Accommodation in the area

There’s plenty of accommodation options in town including numerous underground hotels. I was on a budget, so I opted for a cabin at the caravan park, opposite the drive-in. Yes, there’s a drive-in that usually operates on weekends.

Day trip to the Painted Desert

If you’re up for some more serious exploring, The Painted Desert is a full day trip. You could do it on your way to somewhere else, but I did it as a loop ending up back in Coober Pedy. I went there via Kempe Road, an unsealed road directly out of town then turned off to Arckaringa station, and came back via Painted Desert Road.

You’ll need a full day to check out the Painted Desert. 

It’s definitely do-able in an SUV but I’m not gonna lie, a few pieces broke off my car as it was so rocky and rough in places. If you go slow or have a real 4WD maybe it won’t be an issue, but this area is remote and the roads can be pretty rough in places.

You could do this trip on the way to Oodnadatta, or pop out on the highway about 150km north of town and be on your way up to the NT.

Due to the rough roads, it would pay to be in a 4WD. 

The Painted Hills

Breaking your trip up and staying the night at Arckaringa probably isn’t such a bad idea either. I’m usually travelling with time restrictions and so I squeezed this trip into half a day, driving back down the highway after dark – which is not something I’d really recommend with sheep, cattle, wild brumby and roos on the road.

The Painted Desert itself is quite spread out. There’s a lookout area, and a few kilometres away, a short walk you can do which is pretty cool.

It’s worth checking out Wright’s Air for a tour of the Painted Hills.

As good as the Painted Desert is, I can’t help but feel it’s the poor cousin to the similarly named Painted Hills, south-east of Coober Pedy. I’m almost certain you can’t actually drive there regardless of the vehicle you have unless that vehicle happens to be a light aircraft. If you don’t have one of those, hit Wrights Air up for a tour.

They’ve just worked out a few of their light aircraft can land nearby, and have started doing tours in the area. Although all I did was fly over, this looks like total bucket list stuff to land, and go in for a wander. I’m sure it’s only matter of time before you can access it by road, but for now, it’s by air only.

Visiting Lake Eyre

And, if you’re going to jump in a light aircraft, you may as well check out some of the other local sights including Lake Eyre which, right now is one of the rare times it’s filling up with water courtesy of the Queensland floods a few months back.

As great as it was to see Lake Eyre filling up with water, the true highlight for me was simply the landscapes from above. They were absolutely mesmerising. The shapes. The colours. The textures. The patterns. I literally could not take my eyes off of any of it. It was incredible.

I know a tour in a light aircraft won’t be in everyone’s budget, but I cannot recommend highly enough that you find a way to do it at least once.

The view flying over Lake Eyre was incredible.

Stopping over in Woomera

Finally, there’s the trip between Adelaide and Coober Pedy. I went up via the highway, stopping in Woomera for the night. It’s where the rocket base was back in the 60s. Unfortunately, there’s really not many accommodation choices there or anything else for that matter, although, there’s an outdoor space museum which is well worth a half-hour look.

I stayed at Mt Ive Sheep Station on the way home. 

Mt Ive Station

On the way back, I headed inland into Kingoonya and down the west side of Lake Gairdner, staying the night at Mt Ive (sheep) Station. Even a few weeks later, my teeth are still rattling from the drive as some of the unsealed roads are super corrugated, but the landscape was amazing, and there was plenty of wildlife along the way including emus, kangaroos and wombats.

I went there because Mt Ive has direct access to nearby Lake Gairdner, the salt lake where the Dry Lake Racers have Speedweek in March every year. Mt Ive Station has camping, basic ‘Shearer’s Quarters’ accommodation, and if you’re lucky and it’s available, ’the princess suite’ – a restored, stand-alone cottage with air conditioning – which is where Miranda Kerr stayed when doing a photoshoot in the area.

All in all, my trip to Coober Pedy and the Kanku-Breakaways Park was a good one. 

Coober Pedy is a dry and remote location, but it’s still a seriously cool place to explore if you don’t mind the dust and you’re ready for an open road adventure.

Are you thinking of heading off on a spontaneous road trip to the arid and scenic Coober Pedy?

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