#which YEAH makes sense!! all together its a bad idea + they didnt want to forget about techno
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been looking in tags for a few days now to see if anyone else found the whole high cloud quintet and related story to be a bit.....poorly written, nonsensical, contradictory, full of plot holes and loose ends, etc. apparently i'm not the only one. (and i'm not even talking about shipping stuff, because any time I saw someone mad about bad writing, someone always replies to be homophobic and laugh about failed ships. weirdos.) it could have been so good but was thrown into the garbage for the most part (IF you noticed all the plot holes and contradiction. if not, then it's a fine enough story tbh. I expect most people to see it on surface level and not read all the little hidden lore bits and try to piece it together like my autistic brain did. which is ok! enjoy it if you liked it and ignore me 😆)
#apparently one of the writers did it on purpose. wont explain here. you can find it elsewhere. but it makes sense now#that's why it fell apart and didnt make sense in the end#ive seem people say anyone mad about it is a shipper and thats why. they use it as an excuse to be homophobes#youre gross get out of thos fandom. im here as someone upset about the story who was very skeptical about any ship theories and focused#more on plot theories and overall friendship and stuff so its not even about shipping you het weirdos!!!#the contradictions and plot holes are bd regrdless of who you ship lmao stop reducing it to that#aure its fine if you ignlre those plot holes. but it happened to be the little plot holes that interested me the most so its obvious to me😅#cant wait until a talented writer in the fandom rewrites the whole story a lot better and fills in the holes and ties up the end better#please someone do this 😭#lee text#hsr#i just wanted a close found family who met a tragic end#my idea for a better way to write it is dan feng wanted free from the high elder cycle and yingxing helped him create a new elder#but it went wrong and failed because the preceptors fed him wrong info hopong it woukd destroy dan feng since they hated him#instead it was yingxing that died and dan feng selfishly brought him back somehow and thats why hes immortal and hates dan heng now#they created a monster in the process that made a mess and baiheng died trying to kill it maybe but hit its weak spot#so it was weaked enough for jingliu to slay it#maybe for a plot twist jing yuan somehow knew the preceptors were up to something and didnt stop the two because#they were too stubborn and he knew it would do nothing#we know the dragon heart disappeared so either it ended becoming bailu in the end#or it could be inaide blade bow. another fun possible plot twist. they never explained where it went so it coukd be a n y w h e r e#i had other ideas but i forget now. bht baiheng deserves better as well. just being a plot mechanism to make two dudes be stupid#is kinda bland and boring and wasted her character. she deserves better too!!!!#id write this if i had the time and brain power but ill hope someone else does it instead#OH yeah i forgot a big idea. dan feng and yingxing perhaps try to also kill the arbor and end the abundance and long life/reincarnation#and maybe that was one part that led to it all going wrong or something. since yingxing wanted revenge on the abundance for destroying#his home and family???? and dan feng wanted to escape the cycle? similar wants that worked together snd failed#these are all ideas from past theories i read and my own ideas i came up with all of which are better than what that bad writer did!#these are very incomplete ideas that im sure someone else can write better#lee rambles
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#is this shady for me to say? maybe. which is why its going in the tags bbbyyyy sjsjsjs#anyway I really do feel like the ending of the dsmp or just the dsmp in general suffered because of dreams lack of communication#like I will NEVER forget the time that dream just ignored tommy for MONTHS like HELLO????#also dream trying to push season 2 forward and apparently ignored the fact that phil even told him the memory thing was bad??#which YEAH makes sense!! all together its a bad idea + they didnt want to forget about techno#its just. at this point I ignore literally everything about dream + his involvement within the dsmp cause he aint SHIT#also I really havent been updated on the uh. situation. but I very much doubt its looking good in the slightest#ALL IM SAYING IS THAT... isnt it really funny how several creators have stopped talking or distanced themselves from him. funny#okay im gonna play block game now Goodbye
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Why c!endersmile were actually friends
ALTERNATIVELY TITLED: my crazy thesis on two bad bitches with not a single moment of screentime fueled purely by my own insanity
ALTERNATIVELY alternatively titled: to all loreheads please be nice i dont usually lorepost. feel free to engage though
So my return is courtesy of litchi, who mentioned c!endersmile like once a month ago, and got me thinking about them so hard I couldn't just walk away.
Namely, litchi reminded me of a few theories I have concerning c!endersmiles relationship, that I developed back when i was watching the SMP live. This might make my recollection of some events a little fuzzy, but everything should be canon compliant cause I was thinking about all this as I watched.
I was already watching ranboo pretty regularly at the point the prison arc started, I cant resist a really weird guy with horrible debilitating anxiety. I already thought the whole hearing dreams voice in his head was really interesting, but as the prison arc evolved it became clear that ranboos relationship with dream wasnt just some hallucination inside ranboos head and actually had some substance.
My theory really started to develop into what it is now with the explosions on the prison roof which led to the lockdown and tommys death; these were confirmed to be set by ranboo in his enderwalk state. He was one of the only people online at the time, ranboo found tnt in his inventory afterwards, and I think dream also told sam he knew ranboo did it at some point, although I can't find the exact stream.
At that point it was obvious that enderwalking ranboo held a different set of beliefs, alliances, and likely more memories than the "awake" ranboo we saw most of the time on streams, and was acting against amnesiac ranboos wishes. The explosions above the prison along with the reveal that ranboo had been regularly visiting dream in prison confirmed that dream and ender!ranboo were some sort of allies.
At the time, my assumption was that ranboo had simply made an attempted prison break. It wouldnt be a stretch to assume, if ranboo had visited regularly, that he would have noticed the poor conditions and tried to break his ally out. However, after the confirmation of the staged finale, and a better look at cdreams motivations(wanting to provide protection for punz, separating himself very publicly from his only known ally to keep them safe) the idea that enderwalk ranboo, an ally of dreams, would go against dreams explicit wishes to stay locked in that prison began making less sense.
It would only make sense if either:
enderwalk never knew about the plan or
enderwalk knew about the plan but went against it anyway
1 is a very tempting explanation. c!dream rarely lets anyone close. even punz, who knew the plan intimately, wasn't aware of dreams true motivations to bring the server back to a peaceful time before conflict. but..... it didnt sit right with me.
Two reasons for this: I know some people may have stopped watching/never watched ranboo lore, but towards the end of the prison arc, ranboo began seeing flashes of "lessons" appear on screen. These lessons all had that utilitarian and paranoid feel a lot of dreams actions/reasoning have, like "dont trust anybody"(paraphrasing, thats just what i remember the core of that message being) or "never hesitate to gain a favor from someone, you can use it to get something from them later". anyone remember technos favor to dream? It was heavily implied these lessons were meant to be from dream, directed at c!enderwalk. This would mean the two spent a significant amount of time together. not only that, dream was sharing his *life philosophy* with ender!ranboo. thats not just something dream would share with anyone, and implies a close allyship at the least. its almost like he was teaching a pupil. yeah, sure, some of his lessons were a little fucked up and weird in that dream sort of way, but he was looking out for the kid. and it seems that enderwalk wasnt hesitant to act on those lessons either. he promised to keep a shulker safe for foolish, gaining a favor, and didnt sign a single one of those prison visitation waivers, on top of sam discovering they were corrupted into enderian when he checked LMAO.
This alone would be enough to persuade me enderwalk HAD to have been let in on the plan, at least so he wouldnt cause any problems (such as trying to get his ally out of prison).
but the other reason is... ranboos stated philosophy against conflict. he doesnt like sides, he wishes they wouldn't exist. I remember watching a stream and nearly jumping out of my seat when he told chat he just wished the server could just be one big happy family! because that is nearly word for word what a bunch of loreheads were saying about dreams motivations at the time(and now obviously lmao). if we keep in mind their contact for those "lessons", ranboos visits to dream in prison, AND the fact that dreams and ranboos motivations coincide on a level even Above dream and punzs(punz seemed to have been unaware of and also not particularly motivated by dreams wish for peace) i cant really imagine dream not letting this guy in on the plan.
which leaves us with 2) ranboo tried to break dream out against dreams wishes.
Maybe ranboo was just an ally and chickened out after he saw dreams mistreatment in prison and went against the plan, but... dream missed him after sam barred him from visiting. he asked sapnap to deliver a note to ranboo(just a smiley face, likely with the hopes of triggering an enderwalk) despite fearing for his ally punz enough to lock himself in prison. it feels reminicent to how dream sounds when he comments on george not visiting him once. like he missed a friend despite trying so hard to separate himself from the ones he'd had.
Maybe ranboo tried to break in because he saw a friend being mistreated, and couldn't leave the plan stand.
And that kind of makes sense doesn't it? that dream, someone whos paranoid about how peoples connection to him puts them in danger, would choose an amnesiac who spends most of their time terrified of dream, and wouldnt remember any of his plans or their friendship to use against either of them in the first place?
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making hockey edits as a total newbie
having completed my first poetry edit its both easier and harder than i thought! which is pretty exciting considering the fact i have a poem in the back pocket that reminded me of the sharks. its WAY longer and i probably dont REALLY want to actualize it. but. fun process! talking about my process below the cut :)
concept
the inspiration was wanting to make a pickles edit and his number is 44 (and there are SO many sharks players that couldnt take 44 because of him. i mean it so seriously i hope they retire his number solely to inconvenience everyone for the rest of this franchises lifespan)
i dont think hes super widely known because:
the sharks are bad
marc edouard vlasic is bad
so i doubt the narrative of the edit makes much sense LOL
long story short, he used to be REALLY good. never got acknowledged for it in the broader scope. fell off with age . makes him super unpopular because hes signed 8x7m (shout out to past gm doug wilson) and hes bad. hes played with the sharks for the second most amount of games (second to patrick marleau who is like. THE shark of all time. hes so shark they call him mr shark. so if you grade on a curve...?) .
i love our shriveled husk!
the first image (the title card) came way before everything else actually, sort of my proof of concept and proof that i could actually make anything its very young pickles! that image is like. 7 years old
collecting images
all images (not including text overlays) were pulled directly from getty images
i got around the watermark kind of stupidly! most of the time, you can get around it by just pulling it from newsites that did pay for the rights to the image (reverse image search is a pal) or by checking social medias for reposts by the photographer or team (harder for me because i dont use any social media, use instagram only when necessary because it CRUNCHES)
i used mspaint.
it shows.
(brian babineau)
yeah it was by literally pasting the thumbnail (upsized by about 334% i believe?) on top of the image which is why its such a mess of pixels . the nice thing about the human eye is that it kind of smooths over the image if you dont look too closely . other times the texture of the image is so crunchy already that it doesnt actually make a difference.
(i DID edit the right image i just. cant see it?????)
(left: kavin mistry, rightt: noah graham)
for simpler shapes i did try to use an airbrush to fix it but its not super noticeable so.
the important thing was not using photos where theres a watermark over the main focus because im not making it look good enough to pass .
are there easier ways? oh god yeah. for sure. am i using them? well if you scroll back up
human centipeding images together
hardest part was the photos that mashed images together:
(man just check the original post for credits)
these were NIGHTMARES (now text free!) i have all the things i edited as separate layers if anyone ever wants quinn hughes disembodied hand or two pickles
making image two
the concept of this one was the second, but i had the final image ready to go second and finished it last. i finished this one second after fighting for my life to compile the images for it
the ideas straightforward enough: pickles on ice with the puck, other prominent defensemen going through the motions of a shot edited in. this is when pickles is like. capital g Good
compiling the pictures were easy enough? the hardest one was actually finding one of pickles HAHAHAHA
fun fact is that i chose a bunch of right shooters by coincidence. actually a miracle that i didnt notice until comparing pickles to them in editing. which i did extremely haphazardly (seriously i was guessing when resizing them
i did all this in an art program that didnt have the ability to select the subject so i hand erased the background. i keep mentioning it but if i had to work around erik karlssons hair i get to complain about it.
first time using the soft eraser if that means anything. the green background was to help me tell what i had and hadnt erased yet
this one took me the longest by far and had me questioning the decisions that lead up to this point the most.
making image three
PAINFUL. there are five different peoples hands on this thing and i spent most of it trying to choose hands that were interesting poses+decorations and in different places. didnt bother removing the watermark on any of the hands because why do i want to make more work for myself. erik karlssons second hand did not make the cut (watermarked)
the nice thing IS that there is a sort of photoshoot they have with consistent angles and lighting. i proceeded to spend way too much time aligning five different photos on top of this to make sure the hands are in the right place and about the right size.
an interesting bit of the editing is that the colors on the trophy photo were actually an afterthought! because it looks kind of nothing.
it looks nice next to the second image because of the cymk coloring but the problem was that the first three images had colorful elements to them and the fourth is just text on the image
adding text
alt title: OH GOD IMAGE FOUR IS SO NOTHING.
image 3 uses my favorite quote about pickles believe it or not ^_^
If you are new to hockey or are newer to the San Jose Sharks fanbase, you will see the withered shell Vlasic is of his former self and think that any conversation about immortalization in Toronto is beyond the bounds of possibility.
insane someone wrote this about another person. quite chuffed that you can read that phrase in the final image!
image four babe im so sorry you are so underbaked. the article on THAT one is literally just about the 1000th game celebration. but also its hella ironic
“I’m still the same guy I was when I came in, just 14 years older,” Vlasic said. “Plays the same way, does the same things, plays against the same players. Just 14 years older.”
whole lotta people want this man GONE because hes flopping so hard. everyone and they momma taking bets on when hes getting bought out. its BAD LMAO i hope they sign him another 8 years
in reflection
edits are way easier than i thought they were to make with zero knowledge of the medium! i had no idea what i was doing but i made something i feel extremely proud of, take a shot at it sometime ^_^
something i kind of struggled with was making something that felt interesting and unique but unified as a whole piece? i dont approach things with a visual "theming" in mind and i more or less tripped up on the colors LOL
give it a shot! a spin, even! oickles.
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"And what will you do when I can't recognize you?"
Eyeless jack x reader angst but it's based around my specific hc that "jack is cursed bc cult stuff and hes forced to eat flesh; and his mind and body are degrading into something not.. human"
So yeah basically reader and jack trying to cope with his whole monster metamorphosis
Cw. For body horror, and tbh this is mostly me rattling on about my hcs of how jack became eyeless jack
That was something he said to you one night, unprompted
Of course you both had a vague idea of what was happening to him; but neither of you had answers... let alone fully understood
Of course, he knew more than you. He was the one living with this... curse.. and he had it before the two of you met
But even now, it was showing how ugly things could get, and it was only the beginning
Obviously; his appearance was changing. His skin became.. cold, veins were showing, he simply looked like he was dying. Obviously, he had pits for eyes, which were constantly dripping this cold black ooze. His ears and teeth were now pointed, and his fingers ended in claws. But other than that; he more or less looked like a normal person, if you overlooked those silly details
Oh, his tongue.. no matter how you may feel about it, the process of how he "obtained" the monstrous thing is horrifying.
To spare the details, his original tongue essentially split into the half dozen tendrils it is today
Not good stuff, and he felt all of it
And of course there's the psychological and behavioral effects of the curse; to get the big bad out of the way, he can no longer eat normal food. No need to elaborate. Good news is, as of now, he doesnt need to feed often. But when he does, he runs the risk of losing control, almost becoming animalistic in the way he behaves
That's his main fear
He's expressed that those frenzies happen he finds it harder and harder to contain himself, or come back down
He worries that one day you'll be the one getting chomped on
Really, there's nothing either of you can do to stop this or lessen the effects of the curse
Bro only has two options; suck it up and become a monster that can't resemble anything of this world. Or die
There already were some nights where he may have snipped at you. He didn't mean to be aggressive, but he was trying so hard to keep it together. He needed you to leave the area and stay away for a while
Some days his memories begin to cloud, that's probably the scariest for him. It'd be scary for everyone, obviously
I dont typically like writing angst without adding some sort of comfort, or happy ending, but that sort of thing just. Doesnt exist here. Jack's fate is pretty much sealed, and what sucks is that he didnt ask to be dragged into this
This is all sorta based off that spin off backstory jack got (though tbf I dont recall if it was even made by his original creator, though my take is in a silly au), where he makes friends who are (unbeknownst to him) in a cult and had plans to use him
Bro didn't want this, and really the whole thing is tragic
Of course, I'll still try to add some comfort, as it feels wrong to just drag this man around like this
Smells seem to have a positive response
Makes sense; its said that the brain ties smells to memories, and associating it with certain things
So if you wear a certain perfume or use a certain detergent to wash clothing, he'll definitely remember and recognize it. It seems to help him come down after a bad spot
Journaling can help him keep track of the days; though you'll need to give him some time on that... hard to hold pencils when you have claws..
And of course, comfort him; be there for him
I wish I could end this kinda bummer hc ramble off on a lighter note, but the whole thing/this side of eyeless jack is just so
You know?
Anyways yeah I write all my eyeless jack stuff with these ideas in mind so
Yeah, that's why I tend to write EJ all gloomy and reclusive
#creepypasta imagines#creepypasta headcanon#creepypasta#eyeless jack x you#eyeless jack imagine#eyeless jack x reader#eyeless jack headcanon#eyeless jack#headcannons#angst#eyeless jack angst
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Feel free to ignore this request/ Would you write spy x reader having casual sex with him verbally teasing her because of the age gap and her daddy kink 🤧
i am so fucking sorry that it took me so long but i also had NO idea how to start it, to make up for that fact, its rlly fucking long. im not really happy with it but i feel bad if i keep this in drafts any longer. its mostly rlly sweet so i hope it has enough teasing for you. heavily inspired by my heart belongs to daddy + some other songs similar to that. (btw if a hookup kisses your forehead, hes a piece of shit, its only hot when dilfs do it),
tags: smut duh, hes daddy lol so,, hookup/one night stand. age gap obviously. lightly lolita inspired so its up for interpretation if this is a felony or not. ur getting seduced because,, obviously, maybe a virgin? maybe not? kind of implied ur just inexperienced compared to him, unhappy ending oops, soft sex but he gets a little aggro, panty snatcher 9000
tbh hes hard to write dialogue for but i <3 him. (also i wrote enough dialogue for a part 2 except my brain stopped working so i had to cut it short) (beta didnt read all of it so hopefully its okay)
;;
“You have to admit, it’s a little exciting, no?”
“You could say that.” I grinned anxiously as he held my chin to make me look up at him.
“Not a soul can know about this, ma cherie.” He said, lightly kissing my lips. I leaned softly into his touch as he spoke. “I hope you understand.”
And deep down, it was beyond easy to tell that he meant that in more than one way, almost like he had a handful of reasons to not speak about this, for no one to find out. He could spoon feed any excuse to keep this hush hush.
“Yeah, I know.” I swallowed thickly. “You’re very handsome.”
“And you are very beautiful.” He smiled.
“Thank you.” I reached up to touch his face, though hesitated because of his mask.
“Go on.” He whispered.
He took my hand in his and placed it against his cheek, the fabric was soft and well cared for, his jawline felt sharp under the touch and I could only imagine what he properly looked like without the damn thing on. The soft fabric enticed me to stroke his cheek softly which he, after a few seconds of processing, leaned into with a soft hum, clearly interested by how much I was mesmerised by such a simple item. The way we paused for this one moment of tenderness.
“Can I take it off?”
“No.” He said somewhat sternly before softening, he stayed in thought momentarily.
My hand left his face, meeting on his shoulders and both hands trailing down the front of his suit, feeling the expensive fabric under my touch. I nodded softly in understanding, though he could sense the disappointment.
“Maybe another time, ma cherie, right now, this is for both of our safety.” His eyebrows knitted together, and it was clear to tell that he wasn’t happy about it either though, admittedly, the idea of there being another time in the future was almost exciting enough to make up for it.
“No, I understand.” I spoke, not telling the entire truth and it was somewhat evident in my voice that it was, in fact, not okay.
“I want this to be wonderful, my dear. Please don’t be upset.”
I looked around his fancy hotel room, not booked for me but it was still an honour to be invited here, the last hour and a half is a blur and all I’d rather focus on is the man over twice my age standing in front of me.
“This is wonderful.”
He smiled and wrapped his arms around my torso, pulling me close to him and taking us to a very fancy couch in the large hotel room with a faux fireplace. All we need now is a bearskin rug. We basically flopped onto the couch with little to no grace and I was almost fully prepared for whatever will come next.
A short laugh escaped both of us at the short tumble. He repositioned us to sit somewhat awkwardly with him hovering above me as he began to gently kiss and nip at my neck. I leaned against the armrest, the harsh wood pressing into my back.
“You are... heaven.” He spoke, unsure if he was using the right words as he continued to kiss my flesh softly, despite his hands being harshly digging into my hips. “You are perfection.” He whispered, trailing off slightly, losing himself in his thoughts.
“Y’think so?” I breathed.
“How does it feel to be with a man who wants you?” He lightly teased as his fingers slowly lingered off my hips and under the hem of my dress, bunching it up as his hands returned to their original place.
“It’s intoxicating.” I admitted, saying it almost too quickly.
“You are intoxicating.” He smugly smiled, pressing a strong kiss on my lips. “You like getting drunk on a man’s love.” He began to slowly analyse. God, he must be good at his job.
“Is it that obvious?”
“A little, but there’s nobody here but me and you in this big and safe room.”
I felt a little embarrassed by his comments, simply reaching up to unbutton his suit, pulling the tie loose and unbuttoning the white shirt. He shrugged off his jacket and threw it on a nearby chair, letting my hands take their sweet time on undressing him. The mask was bunched around his neck slightly, hanging somewhat loosely around his collarbones which was usually covered by the neckline of his suit.
“You just love feeling desired, don’t you?”
I stared up at him, his words bounced around in my brain like an infection as I continued to unbutton his shirt. “Yes.” I confessed, though he was already well aware.
“A beautiful girl like yourself deserves appreciation.” The way he said ‘girl’ slowly dripped off his tongue and floated in the air. He was mocking me.
“Thank you, daddy.” I acted boldly, dipping my toes in the water as I wrapped my arms loosely around him, his shirt now only halfway unbuttoned.
He froze, completely still, staring down at me with an unreadable face, and all he did for a few moments was stare with a slightly agape mouth before finally letting out a small laugh.
“That.. was a surprise. You’re really into this. You’re not afraid at all.” He spoke somewhat calmly but with a sense of condescension in his words. We both leaned closer to each other, thoughts running wild.
“C’mon, Daddy.” My lips ghosted over his, my hands trailing down his torso again and landing on his hips, he took a sharp inhale and stared down at me with his half-lidded eyes and a now clenched jaw.
“Merde.” He cursed quietly. “Don’t.”
He quietly snaked his hand around my throat loosely, not applying any pressure but more as a blank threat to stop pushing him and to distance my face slightly away from his.
“I’ll stop.” I lied through my teeth and he furrowed his eyebrows at it, knowing it to be a lie.
His lips twitched, threatening to turn into a smile though he tried to remain stone-faced as he contemplated what I deserved. He kept one hand around my throat as the other stayed glued to my hip, he began rubbing small circles with his thumb as he thought.
“You are in very experienced hands.” He finally said, leaning in to kiss me again.
“What are you gonna do?” I asked sweetly.
“What would you like me to do? What would make you happy?” He spoke slowly with a deep reverence, the way the words fell from his mouth was strangely erotic but you know what they say about french accents.
I took a moment too long to answer, so he freely slid his hands into my panties and felt his way to my clit, much faster than anyone previously. I closed my eyes softly and he could read the surprise written on my face. He began to move slowly, his mouth slightly opening as he watched me keenly.
“God.” I breathed out.
“How do you feel? Do you like being with a man instead of a boy?” He smirked slightly, moving his hand slightly faster and releasing my throat from his grasp. “You must not be used to being treated so kindly, for someone to desire you, to wish to ravish you, to enrapture.” He rambled on, enjoying the view beneath him.
“Never had anything like this before.”
“This is what a real man does. We take care of our women, make sure they’re happy.” He took a shaking breath as he watched every move I made, his hand moved from my throat to gently stroke the side of my face and pet my hair. “We make them feel beautiful, tell me, do you feel beautiful?”
“Yes, I do.” I tried to maintain eye contact and despite the slow pace, he felt really good.
“A mature man does whatever his woman wants.” He hummed. “We have big, strong arms that can hold them up. We can catch them when they fall. Do you enjoy being treated this way, little girl?”
“Yes, daddy.”
He furrowed his eyebrows sternly, despite knowing what would happen when he called me a little girl. It was so clear that it was getting under his skin in such an interesting way, one that I’ve never seen before. “Let me see you.”
I blinked momentarily at his question, which seemed more like a statement, before it clicked. “Oh, yes.” I spoke nervously as I lifted my hips for him.
He still looked mostly emotionless as he slowly peeled away the black panties and also threw it to the side which will be a bitch to find a little later. He admired it for a moment, both hands on my hips, holding me from squirming away and I felt like shrinking under his gaze. He spat harshly on the view. “Such a pretty chatte, ma petite fille.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome.” He smiled softly as his fingers lowered and rested right there where I needed him, threatening to dip into me, rubbing small circles around the hole. I was clenching around nothing, wanting him inside me, letting out small gasps at the feeling, and he rolled his eyes sarcastically, placing his hand over my mouth as he pushed his long fingers deep inside me. I let out a muffled moan at his actions, staring up at him wide eyed. “Don’t you dare say what you’re thinking.” He said sternly, trying very hard to dissuade me as he slowly lowered his hand, resting it gently around my throat.
I nodded at his words. “Fuck.” I whined.
“How would you like me to finger you, ma cherie?” I blinked at his question, it was unexpected to hear. He quirked an eyebrow before rolling his eyes again. “Do I need to show you?”
“Yes.” I responded, slightly embarrassed. He switched between two distinct styles then tilted his head for a response. I took a second to catch my breath and think. “Uh, second one?”
“Anything for you.” He praised as he slowly moved his incredibly and unnaturally talented fingers.
He slowly began to amp it up and I let out pitiful gasps and moans as he went to work, cold-faced besides the occasional smile which he’d try to hide. I wanted to writhe and scream against his touch, feeling electrified.
“Feels good?” He asked softly, leaning forward and kissing my forehead.
“Yeah, it feels really good.” I spoke, biting my lip to restrain myself from calling him daddy.
His free hand fell from my throat and tried to undo the buttons on his shirt but struggled due to his limitations, he withdrew his hand and stuck it in his mouth briefly before continuing to shrug off his shirt. He grinned at the sweetness before placing his hands on my hips, pulling me closer to him so I was no longer awkwardly leaning against the armrest and laying flat down on the couch.
He had shallow breathing as he began to unbuckle his belt and lower his pants and boxers. I kinda took him for a briefs guy. Nonetheless, he attempted to strip himself from his remaining clothes. It was a little awkward to watch admittedly.
I ran my hands up and down his toned stomach momentarily as he shuffled his pants just low enough for him to comfortably free his erection, giving it a few languid strokes before aligning it to me.
“You’re so pretty.” He mumbled as he pushed in, slowly at first but quick to bottom out to get it over and done with. “Mon dieu, ma petite fille.”
“Ah, fuck—” I cursed out as I grabbed onto his arm harshly at the feeling.
“Hey, Y/n.” He hushed. “Shh, you’re alright.” He spoke through gritted teeth, clearly trying to restrain himself in the slightest.
I nodded. “I’m alright.” I held onto him harshly, still trying to get used to the size.
“God, you’re so warm and soft.” He panted, groaning quietly.
“Mhm. ‘m not tight?” I breathed slowly.
“You feel just like a woman should.” I clenched around him and he let out a guttural groan. “Merde, mais tu es serré, si serré.” He rambled, his hands harshly digging into my hips.
“Huh?”
His head went limp and dipped down into the crevice of my neck. “Gonna need you to relax, can’t—” He grunted. I tried to level my breathing as he placed soft kisses on my neck. “I said you’re so tight, you feel so good.”
I writhe against the couch below him, feeling the slow drag of his velvety skin, despite being slow, it was deep. His eyes were hooded as they looked down at me and I struggled to keep eye contact. “Fuck, hurts.” I groaned softly, pushing at his hips to try to relieve some of the tension.
“Désolé.” He spoke softly, still pressing soft kisses against my skin and trying to rub smooth circles into my hips. “There is nothing better than this.”
The slow drag of his cock was intoxicating, I was devoid of words as his hand softly pressed against my stomach as his thumb reached to play with my clit, the soft fabric of my dress still bunched up at my waist.
“Si vous lisez ceci, j'avais juste besoin de remplissage.”
“Feels so good, daddy.” I finally cursed out.
He grunted with a particularly harsh thrust. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and I could already sense what was about to happen.
“You’re just a little girl. I’ll treat you like one.” He spat as he littered kisses down my neck again, contrary to his words. “You have no idea what you’re doing. You’re nothing compared to an experienced, well established, refined man like me. Is that what you wanted?” He spoke, dragging out the syllables of every word that left his mouth.
“What are you gonna do, daddy?” I spoke as he looked down at me with all the willpower that was left in his body. His thrust began to pick up pace slowly as I was adjusting to him, he hovered over me, entirely naked besides the mask.
“I’m gonna show you how a man treats a woman.”
“And how am I going to go back to boys after you do?”
“You won’t.” He responded plainly but with a slight grin. “I’ll ruin you for young men. Why would you want to go back to a boy anyway? You won’t have to worry about boys.” He spoke possessively, purring at the feel of my body beneath him.
I let out a pathetic moan at the way he was speaking, feeling putty in his hands and more than willing to let this man ruin me for anyone less than experienced.
He basically growled as his pager beeped at him. “Saved by the bell.”
“Wha— Huh?” I responded in a lust-filled daze as he haltered his movements completely and gave me a moment to rejoin planet earth before he continued.
“I need to go. Work calls.”
“Oh.” I frowned, pulling his face closer to mine to kiss him properly. Admittedly, I was a little disappointed at the sudden end, though by the looks of it, so was he given that his jaw was so clenched you could practically hear teeth cracking under the pressure.
“I’m sorry.” He spoke softly, he placed one last kiss before leaving the situation entirely.
He pulled himself out and unbunched the skirt from around my waist, though we both had no idea where my panties had ended up. He began to put his suit back on slowly but equally so, he had no idea where his tie was.
“You can stay if you wish.” He said solemnly.
“Isn’t that weird?”
“No, I don’t know when I’ll be back but there’s no point letting this hotel room go to waste with no one staying in it.” He looked around. “It was quite expensive.” He whispered softly, there were teasing undertones but it was clear he was trying to convince me into staying, like this was the one service he could provide for me, despite his sudden departure.
“I don’t think I should.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be back sometime in the morning, then we can get breakfast.”
“You’re gonna come back?”
“It would be rude to leave you, no?” He spoke, looking down at me while he buttoned up his shirt before slipping on his jacket and smoothing his mask below the collar. Without his tie, he left the first button undone on the white shirt and it looked enticing. “How else am I supposed to show you that boys are just a waste of time?”
“That is true. So.. You’ll see me again?” I tried to joke back with him but it hung in the air and he could sense the disappointment and hesitation.
“Yes.” He answered thickly. “I mean, I really shouldn’t but.. I seem to be unable to stop myself nonetheless.” He leant in for another kiss before hesitating and deciding to place it on the forehead instead. “The bed is very soft, ma cherie. I must insist you stay the night, at the very least.” He repeated softly.
“I’ll stay.” I nodded, unsure if I would keep my promise.
“You can order room service if you need.” He spoke again, picking up his pager and sliding it into his suit jacket. “I wish I didn’t need to go.”
“It’s okay. I understand.”
He nodded silent as he trudged through the room, he picked up his small duffel bag and did a silent salute goodbye before bending over again and picking up something from the ground and sliding it into his pocket, not that I saw what it was.
“I bid you adieu.” He spoke softly from the doorway before disappearing off into the night.
#asks#smut#spy tf2#team fortress#tf2#team fortress 2 smut#tf2 smut#spy x you#spy x reader#spy tf2 smut#tf2 spy smut#spy smut#spy tf2 x you#spy tf2 x reader#tf2 spy x reader#tf2 spy x you#fanfiction#tf2 fanfiction#tf2 fanfic
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i think a lot about how much ive grown and changed as a person, not the least of which being how i went from a super heavy kinnie to someone who hardly kins at all
my journey with kinning was like...idk. it started with learning about what otherkin was, and i realized that damn i have a super strong connection with demons for some reason, and i genuinely wished i was an actual demon. this was in 2013 ish. that was my first time calling myself a kinnie
then my first experience with fictionkin specifically was with...unfortunately, prussia from hetalia lol. that was my first fictionkin. then shit got out of control from there bc then i proceeded to keep tacking on fictional characters onto my identity until they BECAME my identity.
i became a kinnie at a very interesting and formative part of my life--the mid-teen years. and honestly? i dont think it was the healthiest thing for my growth. b/c my identity sort of became...nonexistent for a while? i based my whole self around fictional characters. i didnt want to be myself because i didnt know who "myself" was. and unfortunately this lasted into my...well, mid-20s. im 26 now and it took me until i was ABOUT 24 to actually find my real core identity outside of fictional characters to the point of where i was proud and happy to know myself and call myself just...dan. thats me! im not dan plus fu, kidou, raditz, etc....im just dan. and thats enough!
so for me, being a kinnie was a result of not knowing who i was and using fictional characters to sort of fill in that hole in my identity. i wanted to be them b/c i didnt know who myself was, or maybe i didnt like who i was either and wanted to replace myself with them. i loved fu and lots of other ppl did, so i wanted to be him so i could be loved like that. i wanted to be funny like him. i wanted to be strong like raditz. i wanted to be smart and athletic like kidou. i wanted to be cool like dan phantom. i wanted to be anything but the real me and that hampered my growth as a person for a very, very long time
it took me a long while to reach the point im at right now--where im confident in my identity and dont need to use fictional characters as a crutch. and im not necessarily saying being fictionkin is inherently bad--it can be fun or even used to cope with situations such as trauma, i understand that--but when it came to me and my own situation, i excused it as being a "spiritual" thing and sort of clung to the idea that i was "soul-connected" to fictional characters who existed in another universe at the same time as me...which in retrospect was kind of a reach lol. but like. idk. it ended up not being spiritual at all even though i convinced myself it was. it was due to identity issues and, to an extent, actual real delusions--i genuinely thought that i HAD to uncover and piece together my "canon" lives to the point of obsession. it was super unhealthy for me and brought me so much unnecessary stress, everyone around me could see it too.
so uh. what am i tryna conclude here. i guess like. be careful? if youre a fictionkinnie, especially a young one, please take the time to do some introspection. is it just for fun? is it a lighthearted thing? or are you so intensely deep into it that its a huge part of your identity to the point of where you lost your actual self? to the point of having breakdowns over doubles? can you function in life without the kin part?
for the record, i still consider myself generally otherkin--i do still heavily identify with demons and have dreams of being a demon and all that good kin stuff. but its not who i am. i have a list of fictional characters i kin still--hidden and not advertised anymore--but its at the back of my mind now and is more of a casual "oh yeah im raditz haha" kind of thing if that makes sense? its not affecting my life as much as it did anymore and im happy about that
i hope nobody takes this personally lol. im just basically airing my thoughts about my own kin journey out and sharing my experience and thoughts abt the thing as a whole. end text post
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drop the lore for your song !
(insert "sorry i put this in drafts and immediately forgot about it" cake here. sorry i put this in drafts and immediately forgot about it!!!)
okay so first i guess we should probably drop the lyrics, theyre on bandlab but also who give a shit. here you go:
-and you sit there like youre some starry-eyed god
asking for sacrifice, knowing what i lost
and what can i do but follow you?
i made you my temple, just follow through
and your honor, you sit and stare as i stand witness
to this man burning everything i love down with this building
and from the ashes his eyelash comes falling, i make a wish
it wont ever come true but ill make him pray it did
and god, my god i would follow you to death
you know this so you hold a blunt knife to my neck
i am more than just your satisfactions and regrets
but you are less than i thought, you are less and you're not even worth it
i am breathing just a little and calling it a life
you are walking in the wild with a mass market knife
and it feels so juvenile to talk it all through
we are teenagers at battle, we are always coming true
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW YOU COULD NOT HAVE SAVED ME?
AND DO YOU BELIEVE IN EVERYTHING YOU SEE ON THE NEWS
CAUSE YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW THAT ALL KIDS DO IS LOSE EVENTUALLY.
I HATE THAT YOU COULDNT SAVE ME.
that must mean im stronger.
you said you would protect me.
but im like ocean water.
and youre like twenty three!
so i choose now between honesty and dignity
and i cannot worship a god i cant believe
yeah i tore my palms down your altar
for war, blood must taste sweet
i dont know what to do to make you believe that im insane
you made me, made me you, made me who i am
no you didnt make me, i made me, you were just a tool
ill say anything so ill sleep the whole night through
first piece of lore: i did in fact write this in tumblr drafts. people tend to not believe me when i tell them but notes app is far too open. tumblr drafts is for the arteries. also the sense of danger from my drafts being cleared or my account being deleted (which happened) keeps me on my toes.
second piece of lore: this is less of a song and more of a conglomeration of words i thought go together good. i didnt really have a plan for this as i was writing it, it sort of formed the image and story it has as i wrote and only when i was "done" (the song isnt complete but im done writing it for now) did i have it completely. my sister said the phrase "starry-eyed god" and i ran from there! i was kind of toying with the idea of being hurt by someone who doesnt really believe they are harming you, and sort of falling across that line all the time of are they really innocent or are they playing innocent.
i also liked the idea of being so in love with someone that you'd worship them, not understanding that that isnt love, its obsession. lots of misunderstandings and insanity in this bad boy.
this is also definitely the ending half of the song. in my recording the end is a little fucked because, third piece of lore, i accidentally slammed my hand on the table out of passion and spent the rest of the song trying not to cry in pain. why did i push through, you may ask. why didnt i just stop and rerecord in a minute. well im something of an artiste (idiot)
that bit on "what can i do but follow you/i made you my temple just follow through" where im high and singing almost reverently is what i want more of the beginning to sound like. for this section we have more of those divine chorus vibes peeking through every once in a while, so the beginning will have this almost spoken desperate vibe peeking through, but majority of that high angel voice for most of it.
okay this is already long so im gonna stop here with general lore -- if you want me to go through the lyrics as well and talk about that, i am more than happy to!! lyrics are my favorite parts of a song, especially writing-wise, so i would love that actually. some of the lyrics in this are inspired by poetry so its pretty fun to look back and see.
thank you for asking!! i love you sm <33
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Gingerbright's description says that she was baked "with leftover dough from making Gingerbrave" which kinda says that yeah, the two are related. I don't blame you if you didn't know about that as personally I didn't for a good while
they r not. let me explain.
Canonly they r NEVER stated to be family or see each other as such(arguments for found family aside) and in the valentines day event devs paired them??? in the picture i had in my og post it was clearly meant to be brave and bright but thats not the only reason i dont see them as family
their chart also doesnt say family, and while for some cookies it makes sense why in ovenbreak it would say that even when canon(Princess and Tigerlily separated at birth so not KNOWING they r related to eachother) Gingerbrave and Gingerbright have interacted w/ each other in MANY forms of cr media being the 2 main mascots even if bright is less so and they have never referred to each other as siblings(to my knowledge, if someone has proof of that ill change my mind). Hell they came out of the oven together and don't call each other siblings. Brave called Dozer his brother in Ovenbreak yet ha called Bright nothing but a trusted friend.
Actually, do you want to know what their charts do say? Bright's chart "My bravest friend! He's so brave!" FRIEND not brother. His? "Shes the brightest Cookie I know!" nothing saying thats his sister, if anything it is actually implying they r close friends again.
And while Brave has said to have a canon family member(Dozer) in the YEARS Bright has been around they never said she's his sister, being baked from the same dough i get why ppl would see them as related...but imo that doesnt make them related.
Littleray no other family member has been said to share dough??? for Alchemist and Vampire they r both grape based(grapes and wine), Almond and Walnut r both nuts, the Cherry Trio r all related to cherries, cherry blossoms, and candy cherries...none of whom r said to be baked form the same dough iirc??? its clearly ingredient based??? even mustard and wasabi r both condiments...and yet there r many cookies who share ingredients who r NOT related as well, like Latte, Affogato, and Espresso all being from the coffee tribe yet sharing no canon relationship or Bluelily and Lilybell who r from the same village sharing flowers as an ingredient yet being implied as a ship in canon...
Hey, did u know in the og korean txt of line(and possibly ovenbreak I havent checked) Devil uses Angel Cookie batter w/ added bat extract? while many hc the 2 r family its never canonly stated they r. Actually, in the comics, there were multiple Angel Cookies who all shared ingredients but didnt share relation.
Can i also use her whole description here? bc i think it says something u kinda didn't see...
"Maybe the Witch thought GingerBrave seemed lonely all by himself, cause she baked GingerBright with the leftover dough from making GingerBrave. Sweet and bubbly GingerBright is full of life. But this smart Cookie clearly knows that it would be a bad idea to offer her lollipop to GingerBrave."
...to me this doesnt imply the witch made him a sister, it implies the witch made him a trap. bc he was lonely she sent him a cookie similar to him to let his guard down but to me that seems to imply something like a friend sent(or lover...) but she resisted doing something which could have hurt him. Honestly i could just argue she only used the left over dough bc they were the first or last cookies if i wanted to bc the witch has been said to bake multiple cookies in batches together btw. Strawberry was baked in the same batch, for all we know she has some of the same dough as those 2 as well.
The fun thing about headcanons is we all have our own interpretations w/out telling others theirs was wrong. The sad thing about headcanons is ppl do not understand that. So, anon, I do not blame you if you didn't know about that as personally I didn't for a good while.
#gingerbright#gingerbrave#cookie run#is this discourse???#ask to tag#ig#rose rambles#all of this is /nm btw#I SOUND SO MAD IN THIS I THINK BUT IM NTO MAD AT U SPECIFCLY JSUT...CR FNADOM MAN...#THIS IS WHY I LEFT!!! PPL CANT RESPCT MY HCS BC THEY R UNPOPUALKR!!!
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maybe itd be good to also dump the timeline of what i have taken out or changed that i feel was affected by my own anxiety of why i could or couldnt tell and story with 'dark themes'. and ill just talk about it with Penrose because that is the story i am currently telling in the game i am making.
TW but not really detailed here- sexual, emotional and physical abuse. horrible toxic relationships in general. grooming. pedophilia.
.... Penrose (or TIWIFL)
TIWIFL it was obviously based on trauma stuff. the title gave it away ("this is what it felt like). the original ideas are entirely thrown out so i can be more clear about it without caring for spoilers. the first version of the story was about Mick, and her group of friends who i think were highschool students. the general line up of characters was Mick, Mars, Babs, and Haiden (a few other unimportant ones). Mick is a sophomore who was in a toxic abusive relationship with Haiden, a senior. Babs is a freshman who had been/was being sexually abused by an older man who groomed her. Mars is a senior who dealt with extreme anger problems that often resulted in him abusing girlfriends he tried to date. Yeah it was uh, a myriad of problems. I had no clear story with all of them together. Mick was a lone character at first who was to have a comic that had her exploring memories she forgot. Eventually they were to all be in a single story though i dont know how. there are some random drawings and map parts related to them though!
eventually Mick got selected for a short finished comic- Trip- which personified the idea of her past manipulative and gaslighting relationship. but i had no longer ideas at the time. now its just her and some new characters for this game jam story i am whipping up.
either way, while i didnt get any solid story for the old stuff, these guys sure represented some tough topics. and the content i did make was very triggering for me to even do. this version of the story may have gotten thrown out for many reasons (well, i had no story i could figure out, for one) and i think my age and mental state halted much of exploring it properly at the time. it was like desperate trauma dumping to get things out but it wasnt healthy- i think a lot didnt happen either bc i was throwing Types of trauma at various characters bc i needed an outlet. but still looking back at it, there was nothing wrong with trying to cover that- i ended up facing a lot of conflict and anxiety when i saw all the various opinions of Who could tell those stories and How to tell them. im sure that piecing out exploring these characters, would make a good story. and maybe i can still use this in my new iteration of this long running messy all over the place story. idk.
Penrose especially is one that was intended to feel more like "home" in the sense its grounded in a simple modern day world in a small town inspired by mine/one very close to me, and the concept of exploring forgotten memories is definitely based of myself- and then covering topics that are close/familiar to me. But when i started to of think of why's or what's for the memory loss topic and the trauma topic i did start to hold back when i took it out- for all the reasons echoed prior. i end up with a story that doesnt have any of the content i keep wanting it to have!
its current story now has to do with recovering memories of a cult Mick never realized would have been a cult in the first place. there is a lot that happens in cults, a lot of hard shit to consume. and its not all relevant to my characters or story or... i guess maybe, i made sure to write it so i didnt have to try and tackle those subjects. And yes, I don't by any means intend to or need to cover every possible bad thing that happens in a cult. But at the same time I know there is a lot of me that is nervous at even trying to explore themes of abuse, grooming, etc if it were to come up. and some of it HAS to if this is about a character coming to realize the bad of something she normalized for so long!!
its a whole process to realize this now. i want to change it and i guess its also hard to change my OC stories AGAIN. but im trying to be aware and trying to push away anxiety about the stories and subjects i want to write.
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I hope it's okay I'm sending this to you, I just wanted to talk to someone who maybe would understand.
My grandpa is native, and he likes celebrating Thanksgiving, which is a little strange to a lot of people, because like "why would you want to celebrate that?"
But he says it's like... celebrating what could have been. Because my grandma was not native, and they had a beautiful life together. For him, the Thanksgiving holiday is a celebration of that, and mourning that the entirety of US history wasn't that way.
Colonization isn't inherent, it was a terrible CHOICE that some people made in the past and keep making in the present, so I guess he likes celebrating those moments in history that were just good and kind human connection.
I don't know. I just think it is an interesting way of looking at it, and wanted to share it with someone who might understand.
Yeah ive seen a lot of people celebrate thanksgiving and are native, and have different reasons
some people mourn, some people celebrate, some people use it as just an excuse to eat certain food
i don't celebrate or mourn, i just eat the food. Because thanksgiving has been so sanitized and commercialized, and i didnt grow up with anything that made it significant to me, that its just a day i have to go to my racist uncles house to eat stuffing.
But its same with Christmas with me is i dont celebrate, i just like the look. like the lights and what not. whatever history or meaning it had isnt there for me.
and with thanksgiving its never just a day. when i actually think of thanksgiving i think of the before and after. the way before, the immediate after, the far after.
so when I think of thanksgiving i think of the commercial holiday, not anything past that
Its a nice idea that your grandpa has and im glad he happy in that. I personally feel different when it comes to thanksgiving as an idea, because all i can think of is the reality
but outside of it i do often think about the people who did good, the people who were always against colonization and bigotry
i love thinking of those people because idk. it shows that colonization, bigotry, its not in our blood to be that. no matter how bad it gets there will always be people who die and fight for those being oppressed
so though i probably wont change my mindset about Thanksgiving, i understand your grandpa. its something i think about constantly, what could have been, about the good people, etc. i definitely think people should think about it more
i cant really explain how it feels, but it feels better to imagine how there were good people and recognize the allies, then just focus on the bad ones. in any identity.
if that makes sense. like allyship is meaningful, its not an afterthought. and to remember that we (as any marginalized identity) have always had people stand beside us and stood up for us, makes it feel less lonely. idk how to explain but yeah
i hope you and your grandpa have a good thanksgiving!
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ok final thoughts having just finished the last ep
it actually feels difficult to put my feelings into words although i certainly have a lot of them about this show and specifically the final episodes. i think if youve followed me for a bit you probably have some kind of sense that while i do enjoy a good amount of his writing i am by no means a huge fan of inoue and i have plenty of criticisms of him. having finished faiz just has made me have more criticisms of him and his writing and honestly if i had watched faiz before donbrothers came out i would have not wanted to watch donbrothers at all if that gives you a sense of things.
tldr if you dont want to read all of this: i stand by the statement of when faiz is good its REALLY REALLY GOOD and when faiz is bad its bad.
the thing with this show is that ive watched shows with poor writing choices and execution before, ive watched shows that had a lot of potential that slam dunked all of it in the trash and ive watched shows thatve made baffling choices near the middle/end of the show that just make no go damn sense, and many of these shows ive just stopped watching because i was so frustrated with their writing choices. despite the times when faiz would drop in quality and things would go from being very interesting and good to being boring and not making sense or just not mattering in the long run at all i never wanted to stop watching it entirely. i was never frustrated with it to the point of wanting to drop it. i will say kusaka just as a character made me get preeetty close to wanting to drop the show because of how mad he made me but i just ended up pacing myself and taking breaks between when id watch an episode. in the end i still was interested in the characters and their motivations and takumi and kiba especially were very interesting to me, not only their relationship with one another but their friendships with their respective trio members and their motivations and struggles as characters.
which is also part of why the end of faiz is so frustrating. i already talked about this while i was in the middle of watching the last two eps but the change in kibas character goes from believably dissillusioned with humanity after his close friend has been tortured and killed to being cruel in a way that does NOT fit his character at all. it really feels like inoue wanted to create a new villain at the very last second but he knew he didnt have time to introduce a new character so he just took kiba and was like ok hes just evil now
it would have been so easy to actually take the parts of the faiz ending that were compelling and interesting and put them together to make something good. you could have kiba be struggling and angry with humanity while still having him stay in character it literally makes no sense for him to want to have takumi tortured at all. the last fight and the stuff with the orphenoch king felt rushed in general and it really does just cut away from that fighr and from kiba fucking dying to a few weeks later and it feels so jarring?? also it felt like kiba just suddenly came back to his senses and was like oh jeez ive been wildly out of character now its time for me to help and then sacrifice myself! like again. there were so many choices here that made no sense and were frustrating
i also still feel really upset whenever i think of everything that happened with yukas character im not even going to type up a lot about it because i know if i think too much about it ill just end up making myself feel bad but i mean it when i say im never forgiving inoue for what he did to yuka it was truly so fucking horrible and unecessary
so yeah. i really love the characters of faiz [KUSAKA DO NOT INTERACT I WAS SO HAPPY WHEN KIBA SNAPPED YOUR NECK] and theres a lot of interesting and compelling ideas that faiz has, i absolutely dont hate faiz or anything like that. i like faiz. i really do like faiz. but part of me liking faiz is seeing just how it couldve been so much better and criticising the parts of it that i think have a worse quality of writing. i love takumi forever
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w the last of the episodes for the crossover rolling in i just wanted to write a mega long blog about my thoughts from the past two months of it!
well the last two months has certainly been a Lot more than i expected, after thinking i wasnt going to follow the crossover too hard. but i guess it was hard to avoid if i wanted to watch any new content from the people i typically watch so.... yeah, i mean i dont regret that nor did i dislike doing that-- the Empires server was certainly not my type of thing but i managed to find people i enjoyed watching, and has people got more comfortable i was more eager to see them play together anyways.
it seemed like the last two months were a bit chaotic in many ways though- its a shame some folk didnt get videos out due to being sick, but there was so much happening anyways i think i would have felt even more overwhelmed if there was much more happening already.
but anyways... on the specific sides of the crossover and what my take away has been...
I have come away from Empires with a few new subscriptions- primarily i expect to check in w people like fwhip and pixlriffs, i enjoyed their styles and the way they leaned a little less on in character banter and their live streams were things i popped into during all this. there are people i dont think ill watch consistently but i enjoyed their personalities a lot- mythicalsausage being one for sure, and there were definitely others i found very funny alongside other players too. overall it was great exposure, even if i dont expect myself to watch loads of new people now, i do look forward to potential collaborations.
For the first half of the crossover i really loved the concept of the hermit tower, and a giant collab between everyone was really great to see- my only gripe is that i wish we actually got to see some of the planning and discussion around the conclusion they came out. i think early on i mentioned collabs, and how in old smp i loved the live building/planning together. while i get a lot of that is cut for videos, i think wished we'd seen a bit of it in streams or something- most streams i watched (and i did catch a lot) had people on their lonesome when adding to the tower. despite that- its not to say it was a bad idea, it was fun see everyone make that monstrosity. Everyone meshed pretty well with the RPing side of the empires in a way that wasnt unnatural, and i liked seeing some folk get more into it as well. i know i tend to say i dont like "RP" in mcyt, but it just has to do w the audience intended, or their style. Empires has a variety of tone.... some ppl are very aimed at children, some not as much. so it just depends on who I want to deal with lol.
the timing of going back to HC was well timed because i was definitely at the point of wanting to see normal HC again. and while it felt shorter (even though it wasnt, exactly- maybe by a week) i have probably enjoyed it far more just because its the casual meta kind of smp i am used to. i liked that pretty much every empires person was able to drop the hard RP stuff during this period too- mostly lol. i mean in the sense that, even those who did were still very casual overall.
i think the second phase still suffered a bit from... lack of actual content regarding the village being built (which yes again, i know of the stuff that was on stream. but that still wasnt all of it), but coming to to xmas i can see many ppl are not able to squeeze in videos right now either. i feel the timing was good and bad-- fun holiday stuff to do in game, but also lots of IRL stuff, and also sick season...
regardless its been a wild two months to follow- it was exciting getting exposed to so much stuff i wouldnt normally look into. and i could just tell how much fun everyone was having, which made it all the more enjoyable.
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yeah this really feels like we're somewhere on stage talking into a microphone as people pass by and can listen, but yeah agreed, it feels weird when it's not tumblr skljdlsk
ooh I hope you can go there then!! I've had one in my area for a few years that was star wars, star trek and doctor who focused and it was so much fun,, unfortunately with covid coming around it has ended </3 missing it greatly
and oh no D: yeah unfortunately the kids toys break so easily which surprises me ngl,,, you'd expect kids toys to be a bit more sturdy given that kids will play around with it wildly and ksljdslk omg that sounds adorable ngl!! I think I know which masks you mean, I still see kids wearing them every now and then around halloween or carnival
yeah,,, I've gottten a tiny bit better by now (and by that I mean: I will get it but feel bad about it instead of not getting it and feeling sad about that klsjdlsk) I hope you'll eventually get better with it as well! it's so sad how much stuff like this can linger on your brain TT-TT
yeah I think it said 7 more days, so I hope I'll have enough time bcs her shedule changed and now she's at work so I can't ask her TT-TT hopefully it'll last til the weekend when we could order it (if she says yes skldjslk I doubt she wouldn't but still skjdlsk)
okay, yeah, your bookshelf is definitely already cool! But yeah the helmets are going to make it even better, no matter where exactly they will be placed klsdjl
yeah you coudl probably figure it out on your own once you get the basics, even if it is for another set of armor at first! With the basic understanding that should definitely be doable!!
and hmm, I've not build armor yet myself (will have to do so eventually tho,,, I wanna cosplay one of HI3 Himekos battlesuits after all ksjdsl) but it does already sound like a solid idea!! but yeah until you know if it works or not you have an idea at least so that's a good start!
yeah im still not used to it but i think its quite nice to have smth like a constant conversation like this thats lasted almost a full day now jdsljkds, i think its a nice change of pace jdsklkjds
hopefully i can get there when its being held! im not sure when it happens each year but il look that up later and see if i can find dates (hopefully im not gonna be busy when it happens dsjlkkdsj) and awww that sucks, i hope they come back eventually it would suck if it died off forever </3
yeah idk why they were so fragile, they weren't big so i think they were probably childrens sized ones that we had, it doesnt make much sense to expect kids to not hit 2 lightsabers together in a duel like come on
IT WAS! i dont think i have any pictures of it sadly </3 i wouldnt have even had a phone yet probably i think so pictures would probably be on my mums phone
the mask was so cool, it even had a voice changer in it! it was fucking awesome, when you breathed it would replace it with the darth vader breathing sound AND it would even make you sound like vader when you spoke!! idk how something from when i was a kid was able to do something like that but it was awesome. sadly the voice changer in it died a while ago, it still slightly worked but not consistently last time i put it on D:
yeah hopefully we both fully get over it eventually, i probably start to until either her or i move out, but yeah its so weird how it stick in your head so long, i need to refresh my brain so i can get it out lkdsjdjsl
dont want to make you feel like you need to do it sooner but it said 7 days yesterday and also today.. i didnt check how long it was when i bought my stuff (i bought the stuff on the 5th) but it might've been 7 days still.. altho i guess by the weekend it would still be 7 days after that.. hopefully it is still on by the time you talk to her!! (just checked and it might be going on until they completely sell out?? its a clearance sale so maybe? idk id probably do it sooner rather than later just incase tho)
Oh btw when you do place your order they will email you to verify the card (send a picture of the last 4 digits to confirm. It is a little bit sus but ive seen no one say this one is a scam so i dont think it is, plus they cant rlly do much with only the last 4 digits)
thank you!! it will def look so much cooler when i get the helmets in! still need to figure out where i can put the 2 extras apart from ontop of the bookshelf cause too many on there doesnt seem too good idk
yeah that sounds like the plan il do for this, try the basics, might try doing clone trooper armour to begin with if its not harder than mandalorian cause il have captain rex's helmet! imagine a female clone trooper tho that'd be so cool (totally not so i can check out her tits shush jdskls, i mean there was a female clone of jango but she isnt a trooper, and is a child since i dont think she had the accelerated growth the others did? idk not that caught up in that bit of lore)
i think its probably what they are going to say to do, i doubt they would stitch/pin it right to the bodysuit cause that would be a pain to take off (imagine having to go to the toilet after putting it on that would be so annoying to take off skdjdslkj) if it all goes well il share the progress so you can take some tips on building the armour for himeko jlsdkdjs!!
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just some thoughts i guess
the difference between ares and orion that makes me look back so fondly on ares and ONLY ares is that like. hmm... for how bad it actually was its just pretty easy to find ways to "fix" ares and make it more enjoyable (saying fix makes me sound pretentious but you get the idea) like i would say its bad mostly because it doesnt really let its protags shine. or rather maybe that the protags are VERY MUCH asuto+haizaki+nosaka instead of raimon as a whole.
like the premise is essentially the same as s1 its a team of nobodies competing in the football frontier trying to get to the top. but unlike the og s1 here they spend so, SOOO much time focusing on other teams. in s1 the opposing teams in the FF are never secondary protags of the episode (except for teikoku, but they had kidou who is part of the protag trio so that makes sense). like the entire match and episode are very much from raimons perspective, and focused entirely on raimon. but in ares its like you dont know who to root for exactly, since you see both perspectives?
which would be fine with seishou (haizaki) and outei tsukinomiya (nosaka) since theyre the teams of the other protags but eisei? teikoku? there really was no need for it. like the matches end up feeling more about the opposing team than raimon and thats just not very good to set up new protags.
WHICH! this is exactly the main problem of aresorion essentially. way too much focus is given to the old characters instead of the new ones. but this is also where ares can be good and orion fails completely because in ares we have a wonderful example of old and new characters coming together to make something even better: haizaki and kidou!!!
kidou is a prominent old character in ares but it works because its not about HIM. everything he does is to support haizaki, to push haizaki to grow etc it serves haizakis character and not his. and because its set immediately after s1 when kidou separated from kageyama and kageyama didnt yet come back to haunt him (fr) hes at a point where its fine for him to not get more development bc hes pretty solid now. set after s2 this would be awful because there would be loose ends to tie up, but after s1? its okay. (just okay, because to be perfect they should not have brought back kageyama and left kidou completely uninvolved. but kageyama being there for no reason and not doing anything is just extremely bad writing so im ignoring it LOL!)
but yeah like essentially its easy to think up a better ares by just putting the old charas and opposing teams a little more on the sidelines, give back the spotlight to raimon, and focus a little more on the actual scales of ares program plot because there was barely anything about it lol. <- which can really be felt bc of how involved kageyama was in every single problem raimon faced in s1 yet here ares is simply kind of a distant threat, and they completely fail at presenting nosaka in a menacing way before the reveal that hes actually an okay guy. iirc raimon doesnt even really struggle because of it its just haizaki wanting revenge for something thats already happened, and outei tsukinomiya using painful tactics i guess. like theres nothing?
but orion. ORION!!! not only does it fail to focus equally on all of inazuma japans members (showing that many of them were only selected for fanservice and not of any actual use in the story) but when it does focus its always about 1) the 4 new protags 2) the old characters!!! i love endou and he is the pillar of inazuma eleven but this is not HIS SHOW ! you know?
add to that a completely nonsensical plot, every possible plot point from the og show reused but somehow worse and sped up to the max to fit in 2 episodes instead of developing over the entire season, complete RETCONS of the established situation in ares (mizukamiya is an entirely fucking different character. get out of here yaoi boy!), disgusting nurse crossdressing kink sequence (THE KIDS ARE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. THEYRE THIRTEEN/FOURTEEN!!!!!) etc etc etc. like there is just SO MUCH BAD about it that you cant possibly fix it. you can focus on one angle to make it better but like, the rest is still shitty. it is just completely unsalvageable. and i dont say this to be mean because there are some (very few! but some!) things i like about it but the rest is just completely insane. half of an episode cant make up for 50 more of flaming bullshit you know?
basically. ares has some good ideas even if the execution wasnt great but it can be fixed easily enough in your mind without changing too much about it. but orion is so wholly awful its impossible to fix without rewriting the entire thing
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oh yeah! their relationship made sense and at least didnt have the weird stuff sns had to endure -yk, the killing most of the time. No idea about eremin but satosugu? Oh that doomed love was real and idc what anyone says, the tragedy its too good.
Bkdk is strange to know, bc a lot of ppl who are vocal about their opinions about them are really against it, but there are also random ppl who see it and assume they are endgame/already a couple or are starting to "accept" the author wants that for them (in "" bc horikoshi hasn't confirmed nor denied anything). The fact no girl is "assigned" to bkg its too funny -yeah he isnt swinging that way, he prefers to obsess over All Might or his childhood friend and thats it.
More ranting incoming! This is now a ranting chain! + some meta ideas????
It would be sooo bad for them both to just get married and have a child -any possibility of them being a cute couple in canon, with a satisfying ending, has vanished. Once again ill say it, if he developed them more, this kind of ending would be tiring and cliche, but at least make some sense, make some ppl happy or dont mind it. Now?? So many chances to make it more romantic, even if bad written, so many chances to say fuck off with the bkdk... I'll never get over Izuku's rejection of Toga's love. Ne-ver.
Himiko whose feelings are closer to Ochako's towards Izuku and serve as a way to connect them together, is rejected. Ochako who sees this, who admits she understands her love and agrees in different aspects, doesn't even think about telling Izuku anything -her confession is for Himiko, not him. The "big" reveal of her feelings is interrupted, because this isn't his place to be, this isn't his fight not issue. Izuku, who rejects Himiko explaining how he gets admiring someone and wanting to be close to them, but that's not what romantic love is about bc that's what he feels for All Might. All Might. Fucking All Might.
No mention of Katsuki "Kacchan" Bakugou, even when Midoriya admits he admires him, has since their childhood, and also feels like he was this amazing person closer to him than All Might? When he thinks, but doesn't say, he imitates him without even thinking, and can't hate those nasty parts of himself because that's what made Kacchan Kacchan? No mention of him when saying "yes you can admire someone and feel good being around them and imitating them, but that isn't romantic love"? But what we get is "for all of his triumphs, he is still a damn nerd"?
Literally what was the reason. How can you do that accidentally? It was easy to mention him too, it would:
Provide more "evidence" for his argument
Shut down bkdk
Establish their friendship more and state how he usually admires ppl in a platonic way, which could then be used to explain how he loves Ochako without having that kind of situation of imitating her in particular.
It was literally so easy to do this, just adding "and also I feel this way towards Kacchan!" without needing to give more context as he usually tends to do that leaving others confused.
This addition could also add a little gag scene, maybe with Himiko being all confused about who tf Kacchan is, or Ochako thinking "okay Deku-kun no need to drag her more".
But no, the decision of not shutting bkdk down was made, along with no giving Ochako and Izuku more intimacy when it was easy. This is just- not "idk how to write a good romance so I'll just avoid it until I have no choice", the "there's no choice but adding romance in this moment" scenes have been happening and still there's nothing like that! WHY?
The last time something slightly romantic happened was with the gifts they received and Izuku blushing and Ochako receiving the keychain, and still... for him it was more of a gag scene, probably bc "omg I have never received a gift from someone else and its from a GIRL who is MY FRIEND?", and for her it gave her a symbol that connects her to Himiko later on thru their feelings for Deku.
Look, im going to make a silly and cute izuocha scene prompt I just thought about and would be easy to add in any moment: Izuku is there, in a war, and a thing that makes him feel calmer is remembering the mochis he received, and how much he wishes to eat some more with her in particular and the rest of the class. Cute, simple, bittersweet, adorable. Another variation, asking Ochako if they'll eat mochis when the war ends (during their talk before the second war. "We'll stop them. After we do that, would you go and eat mochis with me?" or something similar), or instead of saying a boyfriend is someone you go to amusement parks n eat crepes with, say eat mochis. This super silly and simple concept would add much depth to them in an easy way:
It shows how important and precious her gift and presence is to him
It connects their feelings, as they both received from the other the gifts, making it almost "destiny" in a fun way to end up together.
Its cute
It doesn't need to much time nor too much thought behind it, even if you dont know how to write romance is easy to see how this could connect them both.
It sets up a future date we dont even need to see -another positive point when you dont really know how to show romantic love with these characters, when it's implied we just assume they'll go in that date.
The readers could assume the depth of Izuku's feelings matches Ochako's.
The most possible izuocha canon route I have seen is the importance of the meaning she gave to the nickname, but I dont really see this as enough -in the manga, that line is also related to a darker theme from Katsuki's point of view, and its how "because he has to do his best", that means isolating himself and fighting alone. And now that I think about it, even with the class and more ppl cheering for him, he is still "fighting alone". In that final page, he is the one who gets to AFO and punches him, and everyone else is helping with a supporting role to make things easier -which is great and needed! But in the end, he is the only one that can do it apparently, and he easily feels comfort in that to prove to everyone how worthy he is of that power/gift/curse.
Katsuki having OFA for a little in the past, seeing a vestige, and starting the you can do it/good luck chain in a different page chapters ago... Well. Im just thinking.
i have an issue I see with ppl trying to make shippers "understand" their ship could not become canon, and I dont think many would expect it.
Why are we pretending being in your late 30s is being middle age? Dont get me wrong, being a middle aged person doesn't have to mean anything about someone, but its just- not middle age literally.
I dont really understand bringing that up anyways, iit feels wrong to me to believe just ppl in their teens and 20s could ever do anything pro LGBT+ in general... I find it insulting, as if this is a new thing or impossible to believe older people could believe in queerness in a positive light or be queer themselves. The main reason in the west, and im assuming other parts of the world, there arent as many or as visible is, well, because people were dying because of the AIDS crisis + the isolation from being older and every single public space made for or just young queers or cishet older adults.
I get the point, but if I remember correctly every time I see someone trying to do that (of course im believing they have the best intentions in mind), they have to bring up how this is a Japanese middle aged man as a good enough reason.
I don't really mind about what others want to believe or how much they care in terms of shipping -if you prefer to be casual and not paying that much attention to what's canon or not, good for you! Many ppl are also like that and its completely valid, here in this side of Tumblr might seem like all of us believe and theorize about their endgame potential bc we are the ones that usually make more posts or longer content. But I dont like those assumptions about queerness being tied to young westerners, and I wanted to rant a little bit.
Again, I dont believe that was the intention in any of those posts, and im not trying to call out anyone, just rant.
#grrr talking#okay this is half ranting half theory half meta LMAO#feel free to ignore me#im sleep deprived#they consume me
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