#which I’m assuming is because of how limited their relationship has been up to this point- they're not married

[daydreamerdrew]

Tales of Suspense (1959) #77

[laurelsofhighever]

On Lucanis and ace representation

I have mixed feelings about it. Spoilers ahead, obviously.

On the one hand, I have been writing ace representation into Dragon Age fandom for at least five years by this point; I have made posts speculating which characters in the franchise could be read as aspec, I have critiqued the conflation between apparent aspec identities and brokenness that happens so often in mainstream media, and I have longed for a canonically aspec character in the stories I love. To me, however, this new declaration about Lucanis does not feel like a victory.

It feels convenient.

Mary Kirby tweeted six months ago that she specifically wrote Lucanis to be a disaster bisexual, not panromantic demisexual. In the real world, of course, people can discover new things about themselves and change their labels, and it’s fine. The problem is that Lucanis is not a people, he is a character with a static set of responses to a limited set of inputs from the player. In other words, he is what he is. That this change in Word of God about his sexuality comes directly on the heels of the very poorly received AMA from the devs is something I don’t view as a coincidence.

To be clear, this isn’t an attack on Mary Kirby, nor is it a tantrum about not getting a sexy Zevran 2.0. I am ace – I love slow burn emotional depth before physical intimacy, and I was drawn to Lucanis because of his struggles with alienation and the softer playfulness that’s there to see if you look for it. (And the voice, and the wings, but that’s not relevant here.) However, there is something severely lacking in the connective tissue of his romance. For the first two thirds of the game he is unresponsive to flirting to the point where the game feels like it’s bugged. Multiple people have pointed out that it’s almost impossible to tell when the romance is locked in without looking at the companion screen – I myself only realised when took him to Rivain with Taash and they started talking about him popping out the wings. The idea that this woodenness was a deliberate choice does a disservice to everyone who has pointed out a valid critique of the content – mechanically, rather than narratively – of the romance.

It is also immediately contradicted if you don’t romance Lucanis. Because instead he gets together with Neve in a relationship that not only lacks the emotional closeness that is required for Rook to lock in a romance, but also gets physical far more quickly, which is the exact opposite of how demisexuality works. For Rook, romancing Lucanis requires repeated declarations of support and care, and he will only fully reciprocate once they have battled through his inner demons to encourage him to start healing from his trauma. Even after that there is no physical touch between them until after Rook is pulled from the Fade prison. Neve, meanwhile, is one of the locks on his cage, but creates a ‘hats off’ rule for Spite. It's like watching Aveline run around finding marigolds for Donnic all over again. Not to say that all ace experiences are the same, but if someone described these two relationships to me, I would assume only one of them involved a demisexual character.

Truthfully, however, this isn’t really about the evidence for whether Lucanis is or is not demi. You could argue that back and forth all day because interpretation goes both ways. For example, he says he’s inexperienced in relationships, but then he’s arguably more competent than the other companions who ask you for romantic help, more lacking in confidence than skill – and analysis of that is a whole other post. But it’s not useful. There isn’t one way to be aspec, and I’m certainly not saying he can’t be read that way.

What this is about is the way representation feels like it has been retconned in as a response to the genuine critiques brought up in the AMA and elsewhere. Excusing the gaps in his romance by saying it’s because he’s demisexual feels like a cheap attempt to divert attention away from weak character writing. Perhaps I’m just being cynical, but after all the dodged questions and misrepresentations from the devs in almost every aspect of this game, if Lucanis had been planned as aspec from the beginning then the TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN game would have made a huge thing of it. I know this, because they did it already, they stated all the companions were pan (except for Lucanis who was bi).

And I don’t know what’s worse: it not being planned and only trotted out as a smokescreen to avoid engaging with the flaws in the writing; or it being there from the beginning without any care for how it might look to have the ostensibly aspec character be a literal abomination whose interpersonal issues stem from being imprisoned and tortured. Again.

A good slow burn would have addressed Lucanis’ relationship to attraction, though hopefully with more nuance than Taash was allowed. A good slow burn would have not made one character exchangeable for another in a romance regardless of the personal journey Lucanis can only take with one of them. A good slow burn would have at least had him reacting to the things the PC says to him. But this is not a good slow burn and the devs are using a token attempt at queer rep to cover for whatever went on behind the scenes to give us such a patchy final product.

[alluringlight]

Seth Lowell x (GN) Reader

NSFW, 18+ only

Warnings: rut themes/rut cycles, feral/rough sex, biting/mentions of blood, dom!Seth, sub!Reader, pre-established relationship, knotting-adjacent shenanigans as in it isn't knotting but thanks to his biology you get stuck together, mentions of overstimulation, slight praise, there's like one mention of breeding, no usage of [Y/N] or [Name] just 'you'

Word Count: 2941

Seth had been avoiding you recently. You hadn’t noticed at first, with how busy you both are, but when you actually thought about the last time you’d seen your boyfriend it had been almost a week. Albeit not that long of a time, but you lived together. 

You assumed it’d just been his work, the life of a Pub Sec officer could be pretty time consuming, and there have been stretches of time where you didn’t see each other much with him going in early or staying late enough he’d have to sleep at the precinct dorms, not to mention your own work keeping you busy. But this seemed more deliberate, he’d been sleeping at the dorms the past few days without returning home, which he normally would talk to you about if he had to sleep there for more than a night or two. 

The sound of your phone startled you, but you quickly checked the notification, hoping to see something from Seth. Instead, you have a message from Captain Zhu Yuan, asking you to pick Seth up from the office immediately. 

Anxiety swelled in your gut, as you messaged her back saying you were on your way. You knew Zhu Yuan would probably not want to tell you if he was injured over messaging, and you wanted to get to him as soon as possible if it was so serious that she messaged you herself. 

You tried to stop your spiraling thoughts (he must be unconscious if he couldn’t message himself), and instead focused on driving over without going over the speed limit (he’d feel awful if you got a ticket because you were worried about him). 

Walking into the precinct, upon seeing her you immediately ran to Qingyi. “Is Seth okay?” You asked, breath stuttering as you tried to calm yourself. 

She sighed, “He’s fine. I’d diagnose him as an idiot, but he’s fine.” 

“H-huh? I thought something happened, it sounded urgent.” 

She nodded in the direction of the employee break room. “Just go in there and you’ll see what I mean.” 

As you opened the door, you could hear Zhu Yuan scolding someone. “Doing things like this is detrimental to everyone here. You should have requested leave. You know better than this, honestly Seth.” 

Fully stepping into the room, you could see Seth sat at a couch, Zhu Yuan standing over him, her arms crossed. He looked haggard but unhurt, maybe he had a fever? His skin was red, and sweat dripped down his forehead. He seemed uncomfortable, shifting every few seconds or pulling at his vest and collar. 

“Um? Is everything okay?” You asked, causing both of them to snap towards you. 

“Please take him home. He has the next week off. While he’s on leave, please talk some sense into him.” Zhu Yuan said, shooting one last glance towards Seth before she made her way to the door. She squeezed your shoulder. “It’s nice to see you.” 

Once she shut the door behind her, you took a step towards him. A growl rumbled through him, surprising you, and him it seemed. His hand shot to his throat as he gasped. “Ah, sorry. I’m sorry.” 

Cautiously, you continued your pursuit, until you were right next to him. “Are you okay?” You had an inkling of what was happening, but you felt it’d be best to make sure. 

“Y-yeah.” Seth’s voice cracked, and he avoided your gaze. “I- sorry. I’m sorry.” His arms wrapped around your waist, and he buried his face into your stomach. One of your hands grasped onto the back of his head, running your fingers softly through his hair. You could hear his ragged breaths, and he seemed intent on sniffing you so you let him be until he felt like speaking. “I didn’t know how to bring it up, so I hid at work.” He started rambling, voice muffled as his face was still pressed into your stomach. “Which just made it worse, ‘cause then my rut started at work today. And I feel sick, but all I can think about right now is-” He cut himself off, immediately letting you go and standing up, brushing past you towards the door. “Sorry. We can, um, we can go home now.” 

“You started your rut today?” You asked, hand reaching out to grasp his arm. “Hey, it’s okay, look at me, love.” 

He turned to face you, and you could see his eyes watering. “I know it’s weird, but I didn’t know what to do I thought I had more time to figure something out, but the stress probably made it start early-” 

You cut him off with a kiss, pressing your lips to his for a chaste moment, before pulling him into a hug, tugging him down so his face rested in the crook of your neck. “It’s not weird, okay? Let’s get home first and we can talk about what you want to do.” His arms wrapped around you, squeezing you for a long moment before he pulled away, his hands lingering a moment longer than normal. 

The drive home was silent, the only sound the puffs of breath Seth was letting out, as he seemed to settle into the rut further. 

When you got into the house, he pulled you into him before pressing you against the front door. You could feel his breath as he smelled the back of your neck, and you shuddered as you felt his tongue lap at the flesh. 

“You smell so good,” he mumbled. He pushed further into you, until you could feel his erection, hard and heavy against you. After a long few moments, in which you could feel your own mind starting to cloud over with arousal just from him pressing into you, whatever daze he was in broke as he pulled away from you lightning quick. “Ah! Sorry!” His hands pressed together in an apologetic gesture as he squeezed his eyes closed, his ears pressed flat to his head. 

“Seth, it’s okay,” you said. His eyes opened, his hands falling to his sides as his head tilted in confusion, one of his ears twitching. “I’m not mad at you or anything. I wished you’d told me earlier, but it’s okay I get it. Do you want help?” 

Red crawled down his neck as he became embarrassed. “I-I mean yes, but I’m also scared.” 

“Of?” you prompted. 

He sighed, “Of hurting you. I don’t have good control when in this, um, state.” His eyes flickered away, and you could tell he felt flustered talking about the subject so blatantly. “And with my…unique anatomy,” His face flamed as he carefully chose his words, and you had to suppress a laugh. He looked so cute when he was feeling a little shy or embarrassed. He was just so stupidly earnest it drove you a little crazy. “I could easily hurt you.” He finally looked you in the eyes again, grasping your hands in his. “And I don’t want that. I don’t want to hurt you, especially not because of some stupid biological problem.” 

You squeezed his hands, giving him a bright smile. “Seth, I love you and I want to help. If you don’t want me to, or you aren’t ready to spend a rut with someone I can pack a bag and stay with a friend. But I do want to help, if you’d want the same.” 

“Then, thank you.” 

The two of you made it to the bedroom, and made quick work of stripping off your clothes. Seth settled between your legs, intent on preparing you before he lost his rationality to the next wave of rut. 

You gasped as he lapped at your hole, everytime you did this you’d be caught off guard by how rough his tongue is. He hummed, pushing his tongue into you immediately and buried himself into your sex. 

He prodded at your hole, mindful to keep his claws retracted as he began scissoring you open. As he added another finger, his face pulled away as he mouthed at your thigh, pressing kisses into it softly. “You smell divine,” he mumbled into the skin. “Makes it harder to focus…I want you to smell like me.” He pressed another kiss into your thigh, before biting down. You yelped, mostly from the shock as the bite wasn’t that deep. Seth began purring as he lapped at the bite mark, licking away the small pinpricks of blood. You knew the mark would surely bruise. You bit your lip, holding in a whine as his fingers targeted a sensitive spot. 

You whimpered as you felt him bite down on the tender flesh of your thigh again. “That’s no good. Don’t hold in anything, wanna hear it all okay?” You nodded in assent, and he licked at the new bite mark. “Good. Sweet little thing.” You whined at the combination of his nimble fingers inside you and the praise. It made you a little weak in the knees, and had you close to cumming already with how he was abusing your weak points. 

The last push was when he pressed his tongue into you again, the muscle lapping at you, his saliva making  everything messier as you came on his fingers. He coaxed you through it, fingers curling into you, tongue still laving at you until you pushed him away as you became overly sensitive. 

He pulled himself up, slotting himself between your thighs, holding them over his hips as he stared down at you. His breathing was heavy, short puffs of air escaping his lips, and his face was pink from the heat he felt. His eyes were hazy as he looked at you, hands gripping your hips as he pushed himself closer to you. His cock was a deep red, slightly more pointed than a normal human’s, and the head had these little bump-like structures, that you knew in actuality were small barbs that would catch when he came. Seth’s cock bumped against you and he whined, lining himself up with your hole before he caught himself. “Can I?” He asked, voice strained as he waited for your approval. 

You nodded, slinging your arms around his neck to pull him closer as his cock split you open. You gasped, accidentally clenching down on him, causing him to let out a hiss before bucking his hips and sheathing himself in you in one fluid stroke. You let out a whine at the sudden stretch, and he remained still, trying to let you acclimate to his size. You could feel his hot breath on your neck as he panted, his muscles taut and tense as he waited, the last string of his rationality frayed but not yet snapped. 

“Seth, it’s okay,” you murmured, pressing a kiss to his ear. “Take what you need, baby.” 

At your words he growled, you could feel the deep vibration emanating from his chest, before he quickly snapped his hips, his cock nearly leaving you empty before he fucked himself back into you in the next moment. Your breath left you as he quickly pistoned himself in and out, focused on the heat of you around him and nothing else. 

When you finally regained the ability to take a breath in, it was quickly leaving you in short gasps, or small whimpering moans. The noises you made only served to spur Seth on further, pressing himself further into you, faster, faster, faster, until your nails were clawing into his back in an attempt to hold onto your sanity. The bite of pain caused him to let out a moan as he clawed into your waist, leaving small pinpricks of blood in the wake of his claws. 

His hands moved upwards, pawing at your chest as he slowed down enough to latch himself to your nipple. He purred as he licked and sucked, nipping it occasionally, as his other hand kneaded your other nipple. He locked eyes with you, his pupils slit as he indulged in you. One of his ears twitched, his eyes half lidded as the volume of his purring increased. He could feel you tensing around him, the onslaught of pleasure had you close to cumming once again. 

Seth pulled away from your chest, bracing a hand on the bed while the other grabbed at your hip, before he rammed into you again and again and again, faster and faster and faster, until finally, you came around him, a loud moan leaving you as you dug your nails into his back deeper. 

“Good, sweet little mate, so sensitive,” he babbled. “Need to, h-hah,” He pulled out of you, coaxing you to flip over, and put a pillow below your hips so your ass was raised up, your sex displayed before him. He shoved back in, no care for your oversensitivity that had tears pricking at your eyes. He caged you in below him, laying his weight over you, one of his arms snaking under your arm, his hand grasping the top of your shoulder so you couldn’t move away from him. “Need to breed you. Have to, you have to take it,” he said, his voice vibrating with a growl as he began to fuck into you with earnest once again. 

With the new position, you could feel him deeper than before, causing you to let out whimpering moans as he fucked you through your oversensitivity, his cock deep enough you felt like you could practically feel it in your throat as he thrust into you. His hand reached down to grab at your hip, before it settled on your ass, pulling you further into, forcing you to arch against him with nowhere to go as his body remained settled over top of you. 

You could feel his shaky breath on the back of your neck, the hot puffs of air causing the hair on the back of your neck to stand on end. You could feel his cock twitch within you, the small barbs on the head of his cock beginning to swell, each desperate thrust into you causing them to poke and prod at every sensitive spot within you. 

Despite having just cum, you could feel yourself building back up to that precipice. You could feel his claws digging into you, into your shoulder and into your ass, as his other hand had you tightly in his grasp, keeping your sex spread open for him as he thrust into you. 

Seth pressed a kiss to the back of your neck, before his rough tongue began licking at your flesh. He nipped at the skin, pressing one last kiss to the sensitive area before he growled, his jaws opening wide as he dug his fangs deep into your neck. 

You cried out, bucking against him in shocked surprise, adrenaline kickstarting your pulse, your heart thumping in your chest like a jittery rabbit. He kept his fangs locked onto your neck, growling when you jerked in his hold, clamping down onto you, his prey, making sure you knew you weren’t going anywhere. 

The sensation of blood trickling down your neck became apparent, the hot liquid trailing down until it stained the sheets beneath you. He grasped onto you tighter, his thrusts becoming impossibly more powerful, until you felt like you could feel him everywhere. You couldn’t focus on anything but his cock bucking into you, his fangs in your neck, and his claws digging painfully into your skin. 

You felt yourself reach your peak once more, clenching down and cumming on his cock. You could feel a growl building in his throat, before he shoved himself in deep, cum spurting out of him and into you. He half thrusted, trying to shove his cum as deep within you as he could, before the barbs on the head of his cock caught onto you, leaving him completely in you and unable to pull out as he kept cumming within you, the amount a little uncomfortable as it filled you up so completely. 

He finally pulled his teeth out your neck, purrs rumbling in his chest as he began licking at the wound, lapping at the blood before it began to coagulate. He kept you pinned to the bed, and you began to feel drowsy, tired after the exertion. 

Seth pushed his face into your neck, his arms wrapping around your waist as he rolled the two of you onto your sides, careful not to dislodge you and accidentally rip himself out. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt you any further. 

He pulled you flush against him, his breath returning to normal as he looked you over. “Are you okay?” he asked, voice shaky, tinged with worry as he eyed up the small wounds he’d given you. 

“Mm,” you hummed, reaching a hand back to pat at his hair, briefly rubbing his ears before pulling it back to wrap around his hands at your waist. “I’m okay, don’t worry.” 

“Are you sure?” 

You let out a tired laugh. “I’m sure. Feel full,” Between the inhuman amount of cum he let out, and his cock still snug within you, that was a bit of an understatement. “But I feel good, just tired, promise.” 

He let out a shuddery breath. “Okay. Try to rest, I’m not sure when I’ll, uh, feel the next wave, but, um, when I’m able to dislodge, I’ll clean you up.” 

“Sounds good,” you replied. You took one of his hands and raised it to your lips, kissing his knuckles, before you tucked it back around your waist. He squeezed you in response, the rumbling of his purring lulling you to sleep.

[ironunderstands]

Topaz appreciation post because she’s been rotating around my brain like a rotisserie chicken and I need y’all to get her like I do 

Genuinely, I believe her to be the most underrated limited 5 star in the game everything wise, because she is so damn interesting and nobody talks about it ever and it drives me nuts.

So, I’m going to make you understand why exactly I love her and what makes her so amazing in the first place.

Her lore 

Topaz’s lore is rather simple, at least compared to other characters in the game, but simple ≠ bad and her story serves her perfectly.

Long before Topaz was Topaz, she was a girl named Jelena, living in a desolate planet at the edge of the galaxy. The economy of this planet was based around mining and industry, which resulted in her home becoming more and more polluted as time went on. The wildlife almost completely disappeared, people had to wear masks to breathe, and it seemed like her planet was reaching a hopeless, dismal end.

Until the IPC came. They promised to fix everything, and heal her planet of its environment problems, in exchange for every person on the planet signing a contract of indentured servitude to the IPC. Seeing no other way out, Topaz’s home accepted, forever tying her and the rest of the planet to the IPC.

Topaz is was (and still is) incredibly talented and competent, excelling in science, economics, finances, math, etc. Her exceptional talents caused her mentor  and parental figure Dvorski, who works in the Strategic Investment Department to recommend her to Jade, one of his superiors. Presumably, this is how she started her climb up the corporate latter, eventually becoming the Topaz we know and love today. 

Throughout this, she maintained her friendly and headstrong attitude, and never abandoned her love for animals or the people in her life like Dvorski, a trait which will be important for later. 

So, I’ve established the basics, so what makes this interesting?

Topaz’s trauma and how it affects her character 

I feel like a lot of people ignore just how much trauma she really has, and how it affects the way she behaves in the present.

For starters, her love of animals. Sure, Numby is adorable and in general this is a rather fun trait for a character to have, it’s not something you would consider to be a sign of something darker. 

However, remember that Topaz’s planet almost lost all of the life on it, and she witnessed firsthand almost every creature she knew and loved either go extinct or become severely endangered. 

So, when you view her love for animals through this lense, it’s easy to see that she’s so attached to animals because Topaz almost lost them forever, and this trait manifests in a lot of the behavior she exhibits.

According to Topaz herself, her efficiency goes up 27% when Numby is with her, and it seems to be blatantly obvious that being around animals give her at the very least a peace of mind/sense of comfort. I mean in game she is Topaz and Numby for a reason, and her relationship with them is a core part of the way she behaves. When Topaz can’t ground herself, she has Numby to help her with that, which hurts even more considering she is likely going on these missions alone 90% of the time, meaning her literal only friend is a pet/animal. 

Considering Topaz’s biological parents never get mentioned, it’s not hard to assume she is orphaned or at the very least estranged from them, likely due to the disaster on her planet, leaving her only loved ones to be her pets and Dvorski. Losing one half of the only support system she has would be devastating for Topaz, which is likely why she brings Numby everywhere (also considering I don’t think she has mentioned him in the present, her pets might literally be the only things she has left). 

In her own home, Topaz collects a myriad of species from across the galaxy, as if to preserve them so at least even if they disappear on their home planets like hers did, they won’t go extinct entirely. 

Personally, I think her fixation around them cooperating and coexisting also reflects on how she feels about other people. If animals from completely different planets can get along, so can people. If she can convince creatures lacking in intellect work together, then she can do the same for ones that possess it, as ultimately Topaz is a massive people person, and believes what she’s doing is best for the galaxy. 

It’s almost like an experiment, with every little change to their ecosystems, every new organism added, every new abiotic feature taken or removed, Topaz can simulate what that might be like in reality. In a way she wants to take care of humans  like she does her pets, however instead of doing it through her own means, she uses the IPC and her power as a Stoneheart as a vector for that.

But why is she so confident? What makes Topaz wholeheartedly believe that what she’s doing really is the best for the galaxy, even if we know it isn’t perfect, even if only ~80% of the planets she works on are “saved”?

Well, like always, it’s her trauma again.

Imagine you’re living on a planet slowly dying due to its people’s greed and ignorance, in which everything you know and love is falling apart, and absolutely nothing can be done about it. But you don’t need to imagine this, I mean this is a situation we are all going through, as it’s already what’s happening to our planet right now, so perhaps instead picture what it might be like to live here in a few decades if nothing changes. How miserable that would be, how upset you would be at those in power, how disappointed you would be in humanity for doing Nothing when we had so much time and already knew the consequences almost a century in advance (seriously we have known about climate change since like the 50s). 

So you give up hope and accept your fate, accept that everything is going down in flames and the humanity, the planet you know and love is going to be snuffed out forever.

Only to get saved when an outside influence comes to your assistance. Sure, they make everyone sign a contract binding their lives to them, but you wouldn’t have a life to give had they not helped. Besides, you owe it to every other thing that shares your planet with you, every plant, every animal, every organism has been utterly wiped out by human greed, so it’s only fair to pay them back, right? 

I mean it’s your whole world at stake, so how could you say no? How could you deem their terms unreasonable if clearly your own people didn’t deserve the responsibility they had over their own lives? If their situations could only be fixed by giving it to others who could guide them? By giving it to the IPC? The Preservation ?

This is the mindset Topaz grew up on and has known for her entire life. She has seen humanity utterly fail itself and is unwilling to allow that fate to befall others. She doesn’t trust other people to make the right decisions, she doesn’t think they know what’s best for them, because the people she was closest to, her very own people couldn’t do that, so how could she ever expect strangers to do the same? 

How could she ever give the leaders of these planets the benefit of the doubt, knowing that doing that for her own almost caused it to be wiped out completely? How could she see them as anything more than the selfish bastards who ruined everything? How could her heart not ache thinking there were people on the planets she helps who would be doomed to experience the fate that almost fell upon her had Topaz not stepped in. 

How could Topaz feel guilty over the planets that don’t succeed? The ones she can’t save? As after all, she thinks they were lost from the get go? Does it eat her up at night knowing she failed them? That she couldn’t prevent the folly of humanity this time, so the next planet she must work harder, be more stubborn, push back even more, so nobody ever experiences what she did instead?

I mean being an indentured servant hasn’t been that bad for her, she’s succeeded in every endeavor she’s set her mind to after all. Sure, she’s entirely alone, and sure, if the IPC no longer deems her or her people useful, they could cast them aside once again. 

But Topaz is smart, she climbed to the top of the latter, she’s been praised to hell and back, she’s known far and wide through the department for her efficiency and drive, surely she hasn’t done anything wrong?

Sure she’s heard whispers, rumors and projects of other departments, of the deep dark secrets of the company she owes her life too. Inwardly she wonders how those who follow the Preservation would even be willing to commit such atrocities, inwardly she hopes they are just rumors. The IPC saved her planet, so how could they destroy others? 

The Preservation’s power will protect all, will save them from their miserable existences. Nothing else matters in the process, no dissenter understands this as like Topaz does. She will save them, she will protect them, even if it means she is detested by everyone she encounters, it must be done. All for the Amber Lord.

I find it very compelling how despite the fact that Topaz has become a Stoneheart, she is still dressed in the fashion of an average IPC worker. As if she is an equal part of the puzzle as them. Equally useful, equally disposable, equally biased, equally ignorant, and equally foolish. 

I mean, how could she be anyway else?

Her future

Belabog was just as important for Topaz’s development as she was to it.

She was wrong. 

As stubborn as Topaz is, she is not arrogant, and when Bronya proved to her that the people of Belabog can and would fight for their future, Topaz did everything in her power to help them.

As that’s what she really cares about, people. 

I think Topaz the determination she has in Bronya and it shook her to her core. 

Because so far, the only way Topaz has seen real progress is from the hands of the IPC.

But Bronya doesn’t give into them, and she puts everything she has into saving her people. Moreover, Jarilo-VI follows the Preservation as well, but they don’t agree with the IPC’s method of it. 

Is the IPC wrong?

That is the question Topaz is faced with, what is the thing she has to grapple with once she leaves the planet. When they demote her for not getting the debt back immediately, does Topaz wonder why they were so concerned about that in the first place? Shouldn’t they be happy that a world blessed by their very own deity managed to pick itself up without their help? Isn’t that the point?

Does she think back to her previous projects, the planets she saved and the planets she failed, and wonder how it would have worked out without the IPCs involvement? 

Did Aventurine teasing her about “failing” the Jarilo-VI project confuse her, because they were still saved like Topaz wanted them to be in the first place? How could they ever be considered a failure?

She believes debts and payback are what holds planets together, but it only ever seemed to cause Belabog to fall apart.

This is the first time Topaz really is forced to reevaluate her priorities, to question if her methods are justifiable, if she’s really doing the right thing.

Belabog didn’t break her, it didn’t topple her worldview and turn everything on its head, but it did plant some seeds of doubt in her brain, seeds of doubt that will grow into a new mindset. 

HOYOVERSE IF YOU ARE LISTENING HOYOVERSE, GIVE HER THE MENTAL BREAKDOWN + PRIORITY REEVALUATION ARC SHE DESERVES!!! DO THAT AND MY LIFE IS YOURS PLEASE.

Like you don’t get it you don’t get it what do you mean they set all this up and they might not go anywhere with it. Please hoyo please please please let her break away from the IPC’s condition and warped perspective, please let her truly follow the Preservation, please make her turn away from them, please make her an emanator of Preservation after she does this. Topaz stoneheart form, Topaz emanator form. Please please please let her save the crew let her save her subordinates let her save the people she failed previously let her save Aventurine and Ratio let her save Numby let her save herself.

Her instability 

I have already somewhat touched on this in point #3, but Topaz just cannot exist in the state she is now permanently.

Like a radioactive element she’s going to slowly decay over time until she ends up in a more stable form, and who that will hurt in the process, and how long that will take, we will have to see.

Hypocrisy is not something that can exist for long within characters, as due to its inherent contradictions, it messes with the way they are characterized until they are eventually forced to either eliminate it themselves or have the story do it for them.

Topaz is a hypocrite, desiring to do good and help people, but she ends up hurting them in the process. 

However, she has only just begun to realize this, and as more and more of the IPC’s atrocities get revealed, it gets harder and harder for both the audience and her herself to justify her behavior as we witness the extent of their crimes.

So how has she remained this stable for so long?

Well, the IPC has done everything in their power to keep her that way. From a young age she was involved with them, as they not only saved her planet, but her only known parental figure worked in the Strategic Investment Department. Soon, he recommended her to Jade due to Topaz’s exceptional talent, and presumably the other Stoneheart quickly picked her up and took her under her wing, causing Jelena to rise fast within the ranks and become one herself.

The IPC has been Topaz’s only frame of reference for how things should be done, her only perspective on write and wrong for so long. The only hints she gets of other points of view are that of the people who destroyed her planet, her own people. Unintentional or not, Topaz has been made to feel her whole life like the IPC are heroes and the common people are foolish and greedy and evil, and only now has that worldview started to crumble piece by piece.

Sure, we have always known how terrible the IPC was, a perception that has only gotten more and more true over time. However, Topaz is not the audience, and in universe the IPC presents themselves in a very positive light.

Think of the Myriad Celestia trailer and how it portrays the IPC; that’s quite literally how they want to be viewed in game, how they market themselves to other people. If Topaz has only ever known them to be that great, shining, progressive company who vows to follow the Preservation and improve the universe, how could even begin to criticize them? After all, she had never known any other perspective. Even when she did fail in the past, Topaz viewed it as a strike on her own record and an unfortunate situation in general, not as a demonstration of the IPC’s misdeeds. 

The IPC is good, the IPC saves people, the IPC follows the Preservation, Topaz is a good person, Topaz does good things, Topaz helps people, Topaz saves people, there is nothing wrong, there won’t ever be anything wrong.

Until Belabog

They don’t want to cooperate with the IPC. To roll over and let themselves be gutted for all they are worth. 

Well that’s fine, that’s happened before, at least that’s how Topaz justifies it to herself. She thinks of their massive debt, it must be paid after all, otherwise how could the galaxy remain stable?

But the weapons the IPC gave Jarilo-VI were never used in its defense. The thing they owe the IPC for never ended up being valuable. Belabog stood on its own, without the help of IPC in its defense.

They saved themselves.

As if it couldn’t get worse, they did it with the power of the Preservation.

And it didn’t come from the IPC, it came from them.

The Interastral Peace Corporation, who claim to be followers of the Preservation, standing against people who really do have their blessing and being proved wrong.

Do you know how that would feel to Topaz.

She’s wrong, and she’s proven wrong by the very deity she claims to follow, she believes she follows.

So Topaz makes her choice.

Stick with the IPC’s plan, or stand with the people of Belabog 

And she stands with them.

Topaz’s character never changes. I hate when people act like she switched up on them and changed her whole worldview, but in reality that was the most in character thing Topaz has ever done in her entire life.

Because she cares about people, so when the opportunity presents itself, she will always stand with them. 

This is the first time Topaz goes against the IPC’s wishes, and it won’t be the last.

She made her choice, she demonstrated who and what she truly cares about, and that will only drive a wedge between her and the IPC further and further until she snaps.

I find it funny how Topaz is a fire type character, when the song core to Belabog’s themes is “Wildfire” 

However, maybe it isn’t just about them. I think it’s about the Preservation, about what the game in general is trying to tell its players.

How fighting for your right to exist will hurt, but it is not impossible, and that pain will be the only way to enact change.

Well, Topaz,

you made your choice

go fight against your fate 

Thank you so much for reading! I really enjoyed making this and I hope you at least understand why I think Topaz is such a compelling character. I need an arc centered on her in the future and if I don’t get one then trust me things will be dealt with. She will get her just desserts.

[doublel27]

We Are: Queer Found Family and Romance

Or the meta I didn’t intend to write.

It’s taken 9 eps (of me admittedly watching We Are through gifs and clips on Twitter, because I have yet to pay for iQIYI and I am bad at grey watching) but I think I have figured out the central conflict/plot of We Are and why the mostly linear narrative of Phum and Peem with the in media res relationships of our other three pairings made this impossible to fully tease out until we got all the pieces.

The through line that connects all of these stories about how incredibly hard it can be to be part of a queer friend group when the lines of friendship and romance blur, especially when there’s a real aspect of found family to that group.

Two things really cemented it for me this week: Tan telling the gang (and therefore the audience) the full scope of his background with Fang, as well as the beginning of Phuwin’s IG live where he talks about why he likes Kluen as a character is that he’s very direct with people he likes and isn’t blurring the lines between friends and possibly fucking up the friendship.

Because that’s the central problem that all four main couples of the show grapple with in different ways. I’m gonna get into all of that under the cut.

I’m going to start with Tan and Fang because aou contains multitudes and is my beloved while going for Fang could have always messed up his relationship with Phum, we find out in episode 9 that Tan met Fang first. Unsurprisingly, it’s not a great first meeting between what are seemingly two known fighters of what appear to be rival high schools. But then Tan finds Phum and Fang being jumped by a group from his own high school and saves them and eventually becomes friends with them sometime two years+ before the start of our story. Within this time, Tan falls so far in love with Fang, who can both out bitch and out fight, him that Tan goes full simp instead and cuts out the fighting(love that for him).

And mixing his reveal to his friends of how he met Fang and how Fang eventually consumed his waking thoughts to the point he would wish to order Fang as a pizza topping (my love for Tan is immeasurable).

But take us back to episode 2 (which is now on YouTube for US watchers for how long I don’t know) and Tan has clearly not seen Fang in awhile. He asks Phum to invite Fang out where Tan will happen to be. At the time, it was taken as Tan and Phum are university friends and Tan and been obsessed with Fang ever since and needs Phum to make the connections. But the clues that Tan and Fang were also close were already laid down. Their exchange goes:

Tan: Hey. It’s been awhile. Right?

Fang: I thought you were dead.

Tan: Come on. I haven’t seen you in ages either. (That’s the English translation, but the flow of the conversation connotes that Fang hasn’t sought him out either)

At which point Phum makes the face he always makes when Tan is in Fang hyperfocus mode of looking away and sighing. And Fang pointedly asks why Phum invited him out and what is going on.

Which is a weird exchange when you think Tan is Phum’s friend who is obsessed with Fang. It is a less weird exchange between friends that have been avoiding each other for an unspecified amount of time. And we can assume Tan started avoiding Fang because he was madly in love with him and didn’t know how to handle it and didn’t tell Fang why he was avoiding him.

In the episode 9 speech to his friends, Tan outlines that he didn’t think Fang would ever reciprocate his feelings (that it was impossible) and didn’t want to fuck with the friendship (at which point Pun sends a longing look to Chain but we’ll get back to that later) with Fang and Phum and he buried it. Until he couldn’t live with it any longer and decided to do something about it.

Which with the limited information we have, his feelings were already fucking with his friendship. He already didn’t know how to approach Fang because of his feelings at the start of the show, so is it better to not try and hope the romantic feeling dies while avoiding your friend or shoot your shot and maybe get a boyfriend out of it or maybe continue to fuck up your friendship. Tan chooses to roll the dice and it’s clear from the moment they leave the bar in episode two that Fang likes him back.

They both watch each other when they think the other isn’t looking. Fang is the one who sends Phum and Peem home together and sets himself up with a taxi ride with Tan. It’s particularly interesting to me after episode 9, this exchange, because Fang looks at a passed out Peem, mouths Peem? And proceeds to ask Phum if this is the guy that hit him while Tan snickers and Peem looks like the saddest wet cat. It’s only after the affirmative from Phum that Fang is essentially like “well, you can take him home Phum. Take home your drunk friend who hit you and I will go home with Tan.” Which our besotted Tan jumps at.

And considering the parallel between Tan and Fang meeting and Tan immediately sassing him and Fang throwing a punch leading to a fight, and Phum ruining Peem’s painting which led to mutual sassing and a kick to the nuts and a fight…I don’t know if Fang is a mastermind and connected the dots because these brothers need someone who will occasionally not be afraid talk back if need be and sees the potential for Phum to care as much about Peem as Fang does for Tan. Or if he just wants time alone with Tan and doesn’t see it. Look, I wouldn’t be surprised if Fang is secretly a long game mastermind.

Once they’re alone, Tan and Fang steal glances and flirt in the way that Tan makes very loud attempts at flirting and

Additionally, Fang is reserved like Phum, and seemingly as isolated as his only friends seem to be Phum’s friends. We don’t know if he is just not paying attention to other members of the architecture faculty or knows stuff about Kluen he won’t share. As previous parts of this narrative are folded in later episodes, we may find out. What we do know is he’s either ever only appeared alone or in connection to Tan and Phum and Phum’s friends. Even with the flashbacks, Tan points out that the head of the Fang, head of cheer club, approaches him alone and later it’s just Fang and Phum when Tan finds the group of guys jumping them. We know he and Phum adopt Toey who is bullied in high school. It makes sense why he’s potentially reserved about pushing things with Tan if Tan becomes his first real high school+ friend that he has outside of his brother.

Which is why by the time we get to episode 5, Fang says yes before Tan finishes talking. He’s been waiting but also wasn’t willing to be the first to put himself out there. And considering how much Fang and Phum seem to live in their heads and not in the world with everyone else, I can see why he needed Tan to be the one to commit to it first, especially with Fang’s later comments about not understanding why hanging out with him is a preference of Tan’s. I do hope we cross his “don’t tell tan how gone I am on him” bridge later in the narrative. Cause I think Tan knows, but also it’s nice to hear.

Let’s go back to another long-suffering pair where only one half really knew why they were suffering, and the other got a nasty shock, QToey.

I know the guys are all team if Toey loves Q and Q loves Toey then why is Q so hesitant? And I get it, but let’s talk about the double shock Q suffered and the potential layers of risk Q is facing.

It’s not just that Q is cautious with his heart. That is a factual truth. It’s why he ghosted Milk Frappe Boy, because while he fell in love with Milk Frappe Boy I think there was a deep worry, and a self esteem issue that the reality of Q, instead of Pencil Senior, would not be enough for Milk Frappe boy. So Q bolted and then deeply regretted said bolting enough say so to both Toey, not knowing the truth, and to Peem.

But the fact that he learned that Toey was indeed Milk Frappe boy at the same time he learned all of his best friends, his family for all intents and purposes, also knew and no one told him. And the way the confrontation is staged between Q and Toey, it is Q against Toey and everyone else is behind Toey.

And that, friends, that’s the real third rail for Q.

It’s one thing to know that he loved Milk Frappe Boy and that he loves Toey. And that is scary enough. The fandom loves to joke about how Toey is everyone’s little brother and they’ve all adopted him: and that is a correct assessment. But that means if Q fucks it up with Toey, he stands a chance in his mind of everyone else choosing Toey over him.

That fear doesn’t even feel that unfounded when everyone calmed Toey down mostly before Peem, Q’s true bestest friend, came out to be with him. Like Peem caught Toey before going after Q. The next episode nearly every character but Q (aside from Fai who is at all connected to this group) shows up to plan how to support Toey in getting Q.

And while I know my brain cell-less brain trust fully believe they’re helping Q, no one actually seems to ask what Q wants. Aside from Peem trying to get him to come to some that first night on the curb, no one ever asks. And that night all Q wants is to sleep in a pile with his four best friends, because that’s his family. Losing them is even scarier than losing Toey. In essence he’s lost Milk Frappe Boy once. He could do it again. But if they chose Toey…IDK.

We don’t know anything about their families really, aside from Peem’s lovely aunt and the fact that Phum doesn’t get along with his dad. And I get why when the focus is really on these large groups of found families (that are becoming one large found family) that the audience is really in love with. The bonds between the friends are just as much a part of the romance as the actual romances. Because the friendship is where the complications come from.

And while I can’t speak to mlm spaces, as I have never identified as a man, within queer wlw and non-binary spaces there are jokes about dating yourself out of friend groups. There are people you used to know who you don’t anymore because you dated someone in the friend group and were too new and got bounced. Or you date and the way it ends make everyone choose one side. Or, a person in the friend group has a crush on another person in said group, that is an open secret but when the person who was crushed upon gets a new relationship people get mad at them for not dating the person in the friend group who liked them all along because didn’t everyone know. (None of these are from personal experience I assure you 🙃)

And it doesn’t always happen like that. Sometimes the people figure out a friendship or a queer platonic solution when they’re not attracted to each other anymore. Sometimes they orbit around the friend group like two comets on opposite trajectories, occasionally crossing in awkward moments. Sometimes everyone gets past the weird. Sometimes no one does.

But that’s the risk that we’re playing in this show. I can choose the romance, but if it doesn’t work out, I am gambling this safe zone.

Which is gonna bring me to our last two pieces of this: one has had the most development and one the least but both are struggling.

I’m gonna start with Chain and Pun who are the most unhinged, gay yearning codependent besties that exist in the middle of the week and give Potae and Payos on Only Boo a real run for their money. (Both have lips touching earlobes and I don’t have a platonic answer for either) The thing is, I think both Chain and Pun are very aware of the mutual feelings. They both have moments where you know they’re aware but neither will do anything about it. And they are in the case of the story, the most embedded in one single friend group, and have the potential to explode their core group of five if things go sideways.

Now, they’re also the pair that has been effectively dating this entire time without actually dating. The ear biting and the blowing on things in the other’s mouth and the…I don’t have platonic explanations for their behavior okay? I don’t. Not naming it keeps it from being real though. It’s a collective hallucination or the biggest game of chicken.

Eventually, though, one of them is going to cross the line in a way that can’t be erased or the line redrawn. And it’s gonna have to be big because their friends watched them gaze longingly into each other's eyes for 20+ seconds and thought it was normal. Because this is how they are.

And that brings us to not quite friends not quite lovers and not quite enemies, Phum and Peem. The risk is, as discussed in many other metas, mostly on Phum’s side here and it’s why he spent the episode so hesitant. Yes he started off particularly entitled and rude. His and Peem’s relationship started as a fight (but so did Tan and Fang) and Phum feels incredibly comfortable with Peem. He’s definitely neurodivergent coded my Phum, which doesn’t make his assholery okay, but it explains his hesitancy to try new things and his struggle with making friends and expressing his feelings.

He’s got friends but he doesn’t feel particularly deeply connected to them. Yes, Beer makes time for him and actively seeks him out to give advice. He and Fang have a level of sibling codependency that hints at neglect and Fang protecting Phum at all costs. We see Tan approach Phum most of the time and while some of that is angling to get to Fang, Tan does genuinely care. But Tan is also incredibly loud which seems to be a lot for our neurospicy Phum, and Tan also has his large found family with Peem. Same with Toey, who Phum and Fang adopted long ago, and clearly Phum adores him, but he’s also the little brother of the art faculty.

And Peem is a very loving and giving soul and he makes time and space for Phum even though he’s annoying and high handed and gets Phum out of his ruts and comfort zones. And Phum clearly wants Peem to choose him, because Phum has already chosen even if he hasn’t said “I like you and want to date you.” He’s said other very direct things about how safe he feels with Peem and how connected he feels to other people by hanging out with Peem. And Peem is this safe space for him to go out and connect with the world without it being overwhelming and he even feels more connected to his own friends.

And that’s the danger that Kluen represents and what Phum struggles with. He wants Peem to choose him, but he also doesn’t want to force Peem to make a choice and not choose him, and then lose out on the experiences he’s building with Peem as well as a break in some of the connections he has with the people closest to him as Fang and Toey find love within Peem’s group. And so again, the question comes around, is it better to stay in this limbo where no one says anything and maybe Peem dates Kluen but I get to keep him as a friend, or do I roll the dice like Tan and maybe win.

I think it’s been a hard thread to pull because without the context of Tan & Fang meeting first, and Phum and Peem mending their relationship to become something akin to friends who kiss sometimes and don’t talk about it, and the lingering feelings of betrayal for Q by his friends (where they learned about his largest secret/mystery and NO ONE TOLD HIM) which are later revelations in the course of the show, they feel like different types of love stories without the mess of friendship blurring the lines. The story feels linear, because we start in a school year with the meeting of Phum and Peem, the connections between the other characters are older than this year, leaving some of their stories in media res.

And it’s an interesting core struggle taking a risk when the line between who you’re friends with, who you depend on, and who you’re attracted to blurs and the potential for rifts in your safety net are everywhere. It’s not the first show with this as a central tangle nor is it specific to queer television. But the reality of the deep ties that can exist within queer friendships and how they form deep supportive communities makes the stakes higher. And that’s why the friendships are developed nearly as much if not more than some of the romances. That’s where a lot of the risk lies for these characters.

Anyway, that’s nearly 3K of thoughts I didn’t know I had in me about We Are until today. But here we are.

[williamrikers]

On the subject of consent in recent BLs

In this analysis, I will take a look at several love scenes in recent Thai BLs, how they frame consent and the sexual agency of the characters, and why those matter.

(KinnPorsche deserves its own post: I’m sure people have already written in detail about how much emphasis is placed on issues of consent/non-consent throughout the show and how fundamental consent is to the relationship arcs of both KinnPorsche and VegasPete, and I won’t belabor the point here. Also, special shout-out to The Warp Effect for what it brought to the conversation about gay sex, but TWE isn’t technically a BL so I decided not to include it in this analysis.)

I am going to take a closer look at the following shows in this essay: Not Me, The Eclipse, A Boss And A Babe, Step By Step, and La Pluie.

Not Me and The Eclipse predate the other shows by two years/one year respectively, but I feel it is valuable to include them here because both show very explicit negotiations of consent that I feel are spiritual successors to the wonderful scenes we’ve been getting in the other three shows.

Why am I even writing this? There used to be an unfortunate tendency in the genre to have a power imbalance between the “seme” and the “uke” character, which translated into the seme deciding when to have sex and what kind of sex to have—and even though recently, several shows have done good work in dismantling the seme/uke dynamic and questioning the associated stereotypes, it cannot be denied that the archetypes are still an important part of most BLs, and even in cases where the tropes are played with and questioned, understanding those subversions still requires a knowledge of and familiarity with the original tropes on the part of the audience.

However, gone are the days of Until We Meet Again and Dean’s “I’ve waited long enough, make sure you’re ready.” (I enjoyed UWMA a lot but that was. Yeah. Not Great.) Now, we see characters actually talking about and negotiating their limits, and doing what feels good to them.

Let’s start from the very beginning. Not Me was an absolute trailblazer in this regard, and not mentioning it here would be a gross oversight. The first time Sean and White have sex, it happens in their version of the beach episode. (Which, in Not Me, is the two characters briefly living in a tent inside an abandoned building. This show is the best.) Sean and White are removed from their usual environment and protected from the outside world by two barriers: the walls of the old house and the tent that’s literally enveloping them and giving them a space that is unequivocally theirs, shared, in which neither one of the characters has any sort of power over the other. And what happens in that space when they’re about to have sex is extremely interesting: the first thing Sean asks is whether White is afraid of him, which White denies. The following exchange goes like this: White: "So, what are we doing?" Sean: "What should I do to you?" White: "That’s up to you." (Watch the whole scene here.)

I find this exchange incredibly meaningful because this already turns the seme/uke dynamic that can be found in a lot of other shows on its head. OffGun as a branded pair can easily be stereotyped into the seme/uke dynamic just because of their physical appearances, and clearly spelling out that both characters have agency in this scene is incredibly important.

And then it gets better! Sean assumes that White is sexually inexperienced (which is not true but the fact that White was actually in a relationship with a woman back in Russia never comes up again after the pilot episode, so maybe the show expects us to assume this, too), and suggests they try different things and White can tell him what he likes and doesn’t like. Compared to the stuff we’re getting now, this scene isn’t very high heat at all, but it’s one of my favorite intimate scenes ever because them asking each other “Do you like this?” after every kiss, every touch, is so incredibly unique and transports a wonderful sense of figuring out sexual pleasure together, as a couple.

Sex in Not Me is not something one character does to another, it is something that is discovered and shared together, and we even get an afterglow scene in which they gently tease each other about their fast beating hearts. (And don’t get me started on the importance of White choosing to ask Sean whether Sean is okay with White not being like Black in that moment right before they have sex, because he doesn’t actually want to have sex with Sean as Black! He wants to discover and share intimacy with Sean as White, as himself, not as his brother! The layers!)

Anyway, I think that scene paved the way for a lot of the conversations around consent we’re now getting in BL, just because it is so explicitly, unashamedly putting forward a definition of sexuality that has nothing to do with one character actively giving and the other passively receiving, but frames intimacy as something that is built together. (More on giving and receiving later!)

Now, moving on to The Eclipse. I decided to include the first time Akk and Aye have sex for a different reason: while we don’t really see them actually talking about consent, we see them practicing non-verbal consent. Let me explain. Akk’s and Aye’s whole thing is teasing each other. At first, Aye is usually the one doing the teasing, but Akk gets the hang of it towards the end of the show and teases his boyfriend right back. When they’re in Akk’s childhood bedroom together, Aye clearly alludes to the fact that he thought they might use this opportunity to have sex for the first time, which Akk pretends not to understand, all while alluding to it himself. I love this guy. (Watch the whole scene here.) Anyway, Akk says he wants to sleep, lies down and once again, tells Aye jokingly he just wants to sleep, clearly expecting Aye to do what other BL protagonists do at that point and not take no for an answer (sidenote: I HATE the “saying no as foreplay” trope with a passion and as far as I’m concerned it should die already).

However, Aye is not like other BL love interests, and he backs off. He stops touching Akk, lies down with his back to Akk, showing Akk that he takes him by his word: if Akk says he wants to sleep, Aye is going to let him do just that. So now, it’s on Akk to say that, no, that’s not what he meant, can Aye please come back to cuddle. And then Akk is the one to escalate from cuddling to kissing, which is extremely important: we know that Aye has been ready to have sex with Akk since forever, it’s Akk who’s been having hangups about intimacy this whole time.

They don’t put consent into so many words on this show, but Aye shows Akk that he respects his limits and that Akk only has to tell him he doesn’t want to do something and Aye will take him at his word.

So, these are, to me, two foundational scenes of establishing consent: one that shows consent as something that is established verbally, as an ongoing conversation, and one that shows consent as something that is established physically, by showing your partner that you respect their choices and limits by way of simply acting accordingly.

Now, let’s get into the fun part: scenes we got so far in 2023. I’m writing this post on the 13th of June, and I’m sure this year still has some great things in store for us, especially because Step By Step and La Pluie are both ongoing and neither of the main couples are actually together yet at time of writing. However, they’ve both already given us AMAZING scenes on the topic of consent, so I feel it is worthwhile to write about those already.

I want to start off by talking about A Boss And A Babe.

Let me just preface this by saying that the intimate scenes in ABAAB are some of my all time favorites in BL ever, because in them, sex is something that is just so normal. When Gun and Cher have sex, we don’t see them very passionate, excited, reluctant or wide-eyed innocent (which are some of the emotions traditionally associated with sex in BL). On the contrary, in every single scene that shows them being intimate, both characters are incredibly calm. They’re certainly happy to be with each other, but in a subdued way. Someone described their second intimate scene as them seeming like they’ve been married for a few years. They’re both just… incredibly normal about having sex with each other. It’s simply something they like to do together. It’s a part of their romance but it’s not more or less important than any other aspects of their lives.

And consent is at the very heart of it.

When Gun and Cher have their first time, we see Gun explicitly asking for consent two times: first, “Can I kiss you?”, then, “Can I do more?” The second one even comes with the promise that if Cher says no, Gun will immediately go to sleep without mentioning it again. And then it is on Cher to say yes, to pull Gun close and kiss him to show him that he is comfortable with taking things further. (In the show, these two questions were shown apart from each other, I cut together a version of the whole First Time Scene in its entirety, watch it here.)

Now, things get more interesting: the second intimate scene shows Cher initiating the encounter (watch the whole scene here). Cher pretty consistently falls into the uke category, both physically and as far as characterization is concerned, but he’s certainly not shy in the bedroom. And this time, he’s the one who asks for consent from Gun: Gun asks “You’re starting it?” and Cher’s response is “Can I?” Despite him being framed physically lower than Gun, basically at Gun’s mercy, he still seeks confirmation that Gun is okay with the way things are going. Not to overstate it, but to me, this feels revolutionary. Once again, we’re being shown that sex is something two people do together, as a shared activity, and that the “seme” character isn’t expected to just be up for it. He, too, has the right to say no.

On this show, sexual agency is taken extremely seriously, and it is clear that both Gun and Cher give each other space to decide what they’re comfortable doing. This is shown in non-intimate scenes as well: there are so many moments on ABAAB in which the characters negotiate physical touch and closeness, asking each other for hugs before actually hugging each other, Cher leaning on Gun’s shoulder in the car but not allowing Gun to touch him because that’s not what he’s comfortable with in that moment, and so on. (The only exception to this otherwise pretty consistent rule is the kiss in the car scene, which I’m still extremely confused about because it seems to go completely against Gun’s character. Who knows what happened there.)

Of course, the fact that so much emphasis is placed on negotiation and consent isn’t surprising on a show that has such obvious kink undertones and whose Our Skyy 2 entry basically consisted entirely of Dom/sub roleplay at work—I’m just saying, I think someone on the writing team is way into BDSM and knows all about the importance of enthusiastic consent from all parties involved, and I would like to send them flowers.

Step By Step hasn’t really reached the point where we can analyse the dynamic between the main couple (although we can take some educated guesses based on the interactions we’ve seen so far). However, last week’s episode had an extremely important scene between Pat and Put: Pat wanting to have sex with Put, then changing his mind mid make-out (watch the whole scene here). I really like the way this scene was done. No matter how shitty Put treats Pat at times, in this instance, he immediately understood and respected Pat’s change of mind without Pat even saying or explaining anything—at the end of the episode, Put says to Pat that Pat should tell Put when he feels ready to have sex. (We already know this will never happen because of course, Pat and Put are not endgame, but I do appreciate the sentiment.)

BLs rarely include a whole storyline in which the protagonist is in an actual, serious romantic relationship with someone other than his endgame love interest (hi Moonlight Chicken!), or if they do then just to up the angst factor. In this case, however, I feel that this scene raises our expectations for Jeng even further: if the guy who is definitely not a romantic match for Pat treats Pat with this much respect in the bedroom, then Jeng has to do at least that and then some. I do feel confident that Jeng won’t disappoint in this regard, but it’s fascinating to see a show frame this kind of respect as the absolute baseline minimum, with the endgame love interest expected to do even better.

Now, the one you’ve all been waiting for. The one that made me write this whole essay in the first place: La Pluie.

Oh boy. Where to start.

A week ago, we got an incredible make-out scene on Saengtai’s floor, which ended in Patts stopping the encounter because he could tell Tai wasn’t really comfortable taking things further—@bengiyo talked about that scene in detail here. And then, three days ago, La Pluie gave us the most unique, trope-defying, timeline-changing blowjob scene of all time, and I want to talk about it.

Tai and Patts are making out on their bed, Tai is not ready to go “all the way” and stops Patts from undressing him. We see a very realistic frustrated reaction from Patts, who nevertheless immediately stops and accepts Tai’s wishes—it is clear that Patts does not expect things to go any further at this point, and that he won’t pressure Tai into anything.

And then, Tai offers to blow him.

(Unfortunately, this show is only on iQiyi so I can't link to it, but you can get a good impression of the scene here.)

I mentioned the concepts of giving and receiving earlier: other people have said this more eloquently than me, but there is a tendency not only in BL but also in wider society to view sex in terms of giving and receiving, with a lot of expectations and stereotypes attached to the roles during different sexual acts. On other shows, that blowjob might be framed as a consolidation or an apology, something that the giver does out of a sense of obligation without enjoying it much. Not so on La Pluie! Tai is shown incredibly happy and satisfied afterwards, both when they’re sleeping next to each other, as well as on the morning after (see also @ginnymoonbeam's post about that here). Tai offered to blow Patts because he simply wanted to, not motivated by guilt or anything of that sort. And he genuinely enjoyed it! In the post I linked above, @bengiyo points out that La Pluie consistently centers queer desire, or more specifically in this case, male desire for a male body; much in the same way that the camera fucking loves Force’s body on ABAAB: the sensuality of the skin, the hands, the abs, the flat chests, the broad backs and shoulders of these men is explicitly emphasized, and Tai’s desire for a dick in his mouth is made absolutely crystal-clear. Of course, since this is a TV show and not a porno, we only see Patts’s thumb in Tai’s mouth instead of his dick, but the imagery, the implications, are clear as day.

And it is such a gentle framing, too: Patts caresses Tai’s lip lovingly, Tai opens his mouth slowly, seductively, then faces Patts’s crotch with a soft look on his face. We do get a clear sense of this encounter as tender, and gentle, and most of all, desired. Tai’s queer desire is at the heart of this scene, and at the heart of the afterglow scene as well. He wanted this man’s dick in his mouth, openly suggested it, showed Patts he was sure about his decision after Patts asked him whether he was, and ended up clearly happy and satisfied with the sex they had. This post, also by @bengiyo, goes into more detail on that.

This, once again, shows us sex as a conversation rather than a series of predetermined acts, shows us sex as a shared activity, as something that can be wonderful and intimate and make people happy without following what society views as “the correct steps”. I think this is extremely important because one part of queer identity is figuring out one’s own relationship to sexuality, one’s own desires and needs, and BLs that ignore this aspect fall a little short in my opinion. Sure, those men are kissing, but do they experience queer desire? Do they experience joy in their queer desire?

For me personally, a show that does not shy away from these questions is a lot more meaningful than a show that does, and consent is at the heart of it all. By framing sex as a conversation, as something that is built and shared together, the shows I looked at here are actively positioning themselves against the idea that there should be predetermined roles for partners during sex, and instead suggest that queer joy can be found in communication and consent. Understanding sex and intimacy as something that is built together, with both partners as equals in conversation, is just as radically queer as a man waking up with a smile on his face after giving his soulmate a blowjob the previous night.

And quite honestly, a male character who clearly, passionately, unquestioningly communicates that he wants a dick inside of him—that is incredibly sexy. But maybe that’s just me.

[tsumtsumrry]

request where reader has some kind of severish accident which means her movement is limited (like she has a leg cast and crutches or something) and harry takes time out to visit her in hospital and then care for her at home when she’s released until she’s feeling better and once she feels good again she keeps hinting at wanting to be intimate with him because it’s been so long and she’s missed having him that way and that aspect of their relationship but he’s not picking up on her hints because he doesn’t want to rush her or assume she’s ready before she’s fully recovered but it just makes her feel rejected and sad like he doesn’t want her that way anymore and he sees her as a burden because there’s no proper communication but then when they finally talk about how they’re feeling he’s like omg baby no that’s not it at all of course i’m still attracted to you i love you i just don’t want to pressure you after everything… cut to it ends in fluffy emotional smut and all is well again

lmao sorry this was so long and there’s no punctuation but this was literally a stream of consciousness 😮‍💨

hii thank you so much for the request it was really fun to write <;3

hope you enjoy!

It was completely your fault. 

At least that’s how you felt. The bike ride was supposed to be short and sweet but you ended up in a small ditch with a broken ankle. You felt stupid more than anything. And a little embarrassed. You called Harry with a wobbly voice and shooting pain in your ankle. He raced to your location and took you to the hospital, doted on you endlessly and now that shooting pain has been reduced to a dull ache due to the medication they have you on. 

His hands gently knead your leg and give you a much needed massage to soothe a cramp that’s been building up while you stare at him with loving eyes, “how’s it feeling, baby? Better? Doctor said it would be good to go home with some crutches.” 

You roll your eyes at him and smirk mischievously, “I could’ve gone home days ago, you’re the one that made me stay here to make sure I was alright, Harry.” You chuckle softly and watch closely as he gets up to start to tidy up and collect your things. 

“I just needed to make sure that there wouldn’t be any further damage, angel.” he pleads his case, stopping his gathering for a moment to shoot you a look that you only respond to with a deadpan stare. 

“Whatever you say, Dr. Styles.” 

“Mm. Say that again. S’kinda hot.” your lover smirks at you with that glint in his eyes that only shows up when he says something that he knows will have an effect on you. You giggle and he takes a couple steps towards you, leans down, and gives you a soft kiss. Your hands reach up to tangle in his brown curls, tugging lightly to pull him deeper into the kiss. The faintest of groans leave his lips and it makes a wave of contentment flow through you, you’ve missed him like this. That contentment is very quickly thwarted when Harry pulls away, only to leave you with a quick peck and a smile. You frown softly, but he misses it. 

“All jokes aside though, I’m really glad you’re okay. It could’ve been a lot worse; you know?” He gently takes your chin between his fingers and squeezes softly. You nod and offer him a knowing smile. You know how anxious he gets, especially when it comes to the people he loves most, especially when it comes to you. “And excuse me for my innate nature to protect the girl I love.” he speaks with a sarcastic bite and a faux eye roll that you giggle heartily at. 

“Alright, love.” his voice strains from the weight of you in his arms, “you just lay here and look pretty. I’ll go get your stuff and then we can cuddle.” You were cleared to go home. They sent you off with some crutches and told you that you were good to go.

And that’s basically how the rest of the five weeks in the cast went. You and Harry, alone in your house, with Harry constantly all over you and needing to make sure you were okay. He rarely let you out of his sight unless he had to go to work and you loved it, but seeing him and not being able to really kiss him the way you want to has you a little bummed, and frustrated. You’ve not only missed kissing him, you’ve missed having him. The weight of him on top of you, the praise he always whispers in your ear, the way he feels when he touches you and fucks you like no one else can. You’ve missed all of that. 

And you barely need the crutches anymore! You’ve been walking just fine without them and Harry has been so vocal about being proud of your progress, but still nothing. 

You try to give him hints sometimes but it’s like it completely flies over his head. He’ll just kiss you as if you guys are being watched by the pope and be his normal perfect, “tooth-rottingly” sweet self. 

“Missed you so much, angel.” He had just come back from work, tired, but obviously never too tired for his girl, “d’you need anything? You’ve eaten right?” he mumbles while his face is squished cutely into your arm. 

“Yes, my love. I’ve eaten. Don’t need anything really. Just you.” And that one was obvious, really obvious, you used that tone you normally use with him when he’s fucking you, you have your hands tangled in his hair and make sure to tug lightly enough to where it feels like an accident, you’re wearing his favorite smelling body oil, you’re even dragging your foot across his thigh for god’s sake. What more does he need? He’s usually ready to go with less. 

“Well you’ve got me. Always.” his head shoots up, the curls flopping with it, he grins so happily at you like you aren’t dying from the emptiness of not having him inside you for so long. You might lose it and honestly you can’t even blame yourself for how you’re reacting. He’s just too good to be without it for this long. And you can’t figure out why he doesn’t seem to want to give you what you need. That’s always been his promise after all, that he was going to give me what you needed, always. 

So, what in the world is going on now? 

It’s been another two weeks. Still no moves from Harry and still seventeen million moves from you (a day). You’re beginning to think that he’s doing it on purpose, and that, that is a dangerous thought. You’re the biggest overthinker you know, and now that the seed is planted in your head that Harry is avoiding your attempts at being intimate with him, it’s spiraling out of control. There’s a big ball of emotion in the pit of your stomach that’s making you feel like shit and you really don’t like the feeling. 

You decide to go downstairs and find him, hoping to just talk it out. The whole way down the stairs you’re convincing yourself that it’s all just a big misunderstanding or miscommunication, but your brain is working overtime to convince you that you're being avoided on purpose. 

When you hit the last step, you immediately see him, in all his glory. His back is turned to you and he’s wearing a tight black shirt that showcases every muscle in his back and arms. It honestly makes your mouth water. You walk up closer to him when you realize he’s on the phone and your walking slows so you can be quieter. Your hands reach up to touch his shoulder and finally get some of that physical contact you’ve been craving. He puts his hand on yours for a second but then slightly shrugs your hand off of his shoulder. Your heart drops. 

Now, normally, you would’ve found it funny, or just chalk it up to him doing something important, or being in a bad mood, but there was only one word running through your head now. 

Burden. 

Burden. 

Burden. 

The extreme fear you have of feeling unwanted manifests in many different ways. You stumble back from him, while he doesn’t even notice the pain on your face, and you slowly retreat to your room. As soon as you get upstairs, and onto your bed, the waterworks start. You feel so incredibly dramatic but it hurts so much to feel like the only person you want around doesn’t feel the same way you do. 

It’s a couple dozen minutes of crying before you hear his heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. Your door opens a couple moments later and Harry comes in it. The first thing he heard, which stopped him in his tracks, was a sniffle. And then he saw you crying. His heart drops. 

“Hey, hey hey. What’s going on?” he rushes over to you with his gentle voice, immediately crouching down to level with where you’re laying on the bed. “Is it hurting, baby? Tell me what’s wrong.” 

And he tries to convince you to tell him, for way longer than he should’ve, lots and lots of coaxing, and when you finally told him, it may have been in the least liked way that you were imagining. 

“Why won’t you touch me?!” you blurt out, frustration clear as day in your voice. Harry leans back slightly at the shock of your admission. 

“Why won’t I…touch you? I–babe what are you talking about?” 

“I’ve been trying everything I know of to get you to realize I just need you so badly, but it feels like you’ve been ignoring it. Like you just don’t want to be intimate with me and it feels like I’m a burden or something. I hate feeling like I’m bothering you.” 

Harry has a permanent frown on his face when you speak, looking directly into your eyes, following your every move. 

After your short rant he looks at you for a moment, he looks away as if he’s in thought, he sighs almost as if he’s relieved, then you watch him…laugh?

“I cannot believe,” he starts, immediately getting up from his crouched position to stand and tower over you. “I cannot believe that you could ever think that I don’t wanna be close to you, or make you feel good, or make you come the way only I can.” his eyes have changed from soft and concerned to intense, but with that familiar glint. 

“You really think I’d ever deprive myself of being in between those gorgeous thighs, baby? Really?” his hand softly grazes against your thigh, almost as if to prove his point. Your eyes flutter shut at the faint touch. Finally, you think. 

“I’ve only been worried about your ankle.  I just wanted to make sure everything was alright before we did anything. You hurt yourself pretty badly baby, didn’t wanna pressure you.” 

“Jesus, H. Seriously? I was worried–” you’re cut off when he kisses you deeply, his hand coming up to loosely wrap around your throat. You moan into the kiss and he groans deeply, moving himself so he’s on top of you. 

“Thought I taught you better than you not using your words, pretty.” he rasps, his tone soft but condescending. You whimper softly at his words, as he spreads your legs to fit himself between them, rocking his hips to grind himself against you. “Hm? Use your words, baby. You have to tell me what you want.” 

That slow grinding is making your mind go fuzzy, it’s been so long and you already feel dizzy with pleasure. “Need to be close. Need you to fuck me.” you mumble. You already feel closer than you have in a long time. The way you’re staying directly into his moss green eyes as his entire body flexes with his movements, the way you can feel his soft pants against your skin. 

“Yeah?” and he wastes no time. He kisses down your body slowly, like he’s worshiping you, and makes his way down between your thighs. He spreads you apart slowly like if he wants to savor every moment and when he finally gives you what you want, he gives and gives and gives. 

And you just have to sit there and take it while he’s fucking you with his perfect mouth like that, getting his face and your thighs all messy with your arousal, moaning as if he’s the one getting pleasure from it, making you come twice on his tongue despite your squirming and whimpers. 

“Have no idea how much I missed your perfect cunt, baby. No idea.” 

And when you tried your very best to pull away due to the overstimulation, he tightens his arms around your waist and tugged you back to him harshly with a gruff, “M’not done. Need more.” 

And god if you didn’t just die right then. 

When he fucked you, it was slow. And you could definitely tell that he missed you just as much as you missed him. Deep and slow strokes that brought the most beautiful sounds out of both of you and had his breath stuttering and eyes fluttering shut. 

“You’re so perfect, so wet for me.” he moans softly. Suddenly his eyes open and his brows pull together when he looks down at you, he almost looks…sad. 

“Don’t you ever think that I don’t want you like this again, do you understand me?” He punctuates his words with a very purposeful thrust that rubs right against the spot that makes you shake. “I could never be not attracted to you. Never. You’re the only person that has me this fucking gone. How do you not see what you do to me?” 

He reassures you the whole time, whispering those praises you missed so much in your ear ang touching you exactly the way he knows you like. 

“You’re so fucking good for me, angel. Squeezing me so tight, you missed me hm?” 

“Wanna come for me? Is my needy girl gonna soak my cock? Go ahead baby.” 

“That’s my girl. Fuck I’ve missed how you feel when you come around my cock like that.” 

And when you both finish, he’s extra cuddly. You guys are bundled up in the blankets and it feels like if he were to crawl in your skin it still wouldn’t be enough to satisfy him. 

“God I missed you.” he breathes out contentedly.

“Missed you too, H. So much.” 

“Also you smell really good, is that my favorite body oil?” he questions with the most adorable smile on his face. 

“Now you notice?” you giggle and roll your eyes; he has a confused pout on his face, and you just cuddle up closer to him and let your eyes fall shut.

[drstanfordpines]

barfing very incomplete stanford thoughts here bc i need to get them out of my brain or i’ll actually explode

hypervigilance headcanon go brrrrr (this one prob isn’t new to y’all; it’s practically canon with how he acts & seems to be popular in the ford fan community from what i’ve seen, i just want to amp it up some more. turn up that there angst dial babey!). more to this: jumpy at many things including but not limited to fast/unexpected movements, loud/unexpected sounds, etcetera.

gets really annoyed when people pronounce et cetera “exetra”.

studied latin in college. like a fucking nerd

paranoia but what if we added More. i said TURN THE DIAL UPPPPPPPPPPP

journal 3 says he is excited to hear newest eurythmics chart topper so i’m assuming he’s a fan. i want mabel to show him new music. i’m definitely going to project my music taste onto mabel. i also want him to hear WAP for the first time. i think it would be funny.

he’s either aroace or bi all around or some combination of those thangs, ie he has the same amount of attraction to all genders which is either a “normal” amount or possibly less or none (yes i am projecting. it’s called being valid and sexy). in other words: he doesn’t really understand romantic or sexual attraction and tbh he doesn’t care to. he has more nerdy important things to do. that being said he has def dated fiddleford and had a thing with bill (i feel like “dated” definitely isn’t the right term for the relationship of ford and bill. idk man i’m having thoughts at a million miles per hour rn i’ll explain later or whatever)

legitimately believed for a large portion of his life that anyone who gets close to him is either a) evil and wants to hurt him/the people he cares about OR b) inevitably going to get hurt/killed (or worse) because of what he called “the stanford effect”; basically the thought that he is Cursed™️ so he must isolate himself to save others from the effects of the curse or whatever the fuck

despite all the shit he’s been through, he does not identify as superstitious. he is first and foremost a scientist babey.

during his time in the portal, he clung onto his identity as a scientist desperately. i hc that he had to do some really fucked up shit to survive out there, and that he kept a series of field journals (or just one digital field journal would be easier probably) documenting his experiences as a way to keep himself sane (or as sane as he could be given the situation).

[coolingrosa]

Honestly about nightmare....it upset me quite a bit how he just didn't at all understand why Killer was acting out like this. It felt so obvious? Like with Dust showing up and Killer acting out in response to it....Unless this is a common occurrence? I am really wondering what nightmare thought about this, if he even tried to read Killer and his behaviour or perhaps ask Dust about the relationship between the two. Did he just not think anything about it? Just assume "oh its a kid throwing a tantrum, it'll pass"? Man i'd rly like to know it from his perspective. Maybe he is used to ppl throwing tantrums, considering I am pretty sure error flips out a lot too. I guess the problem hereby lies with the fact error is an immortal and an adult and killer,.,,is not. and nightmare just simple doesn't distinguish the two properly.

But honestly I think nightmare should have known better than to snap at Killer ToT..... I believe that him snapping did ultimately the most damage, error just kinda added a bit more salt to it to be put it simple. After all Killer favoured Nightmare obviously a lot more than Error, he was like a parent figure for him basically. So Nightmare snapping would mean a lot more than what Error says. I don't like how error told Killer that advice though, he basically just told him to "suck it up", in the pretense of "caring" for nightmare and not wanting to see him upset. It feels wrong to say that error cares though, because of how he is STILL stuck in the past. It almost feels like he is talking and giving advice to Killer more for himself than for nightmares sake.

Both error and nightmare are so inexperienced with mortals and so fucking mentally fucked up themselves, I doubt they will act any different unless someone who is a mortal corrects them...And I honestly thought Dust would do it? At one point it felt like he knew why Killer did it, but then it felt like he did not?

ultimate question however: how will nightmare react to Killers change? I wonder if alarm bells will ring or if he will just think that Killers "phase" finally passed. And I fear it'll be the latter.... So sorry for the long ass essay, I have SO many questions AND IT IS SO HARD TO TELL WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN AND HOW THIS MESS OF A MAKE-SHIFT FAMILY IS GOING TO DEVELOPE.....

You’re analysis is so wonderful and definitely the mixed emotions I wanted to give. Especially since good and evil doesn’t exist in Roseverse, just people and their actions. A lot of my YouTube and tiktok dragged on Dream solely for a while due to the limited knowledge, so chapter four was a big drop as it showed just how out of depth and horrible Nightmare and Error could be as well. I’m gonna try to answer each part of this the best I can without revealing too much!

1. Nightmare is used to Killer acting out, which happened a lot in the pilot, so he doesn’t put two and two together that these moments are connected- especially since Killer has never been put in a situation around him to show that he ALSO has jealousy issues as well as self esteem issues. For a while it was just them and sometimes Error in the castle, which Killer never showed an act of jealously towards- only distrust.

2. Nightmare’s perspective won’t be shown a lot in the next Bad Sanses chapter unfortunately, so I’ll try my best to explain his reasoning here. Don’t take it as a defense. I may explain characters and their actions, but at the end of the day, Nightmare is a adult and has a responsibility.

Nightmare’s main flaw (and I can now finally state this) is that he doesn’t care for people who are not under his radar. Saying he doesn’t know much about negative emotions is redundant, but his abilities to help with them have long since faded ever since the loss of Ink. Killer clearly is the product of a teenager with intense mental health issues, and Nightmare never got to see Ink as a bratty teenager. Killer is the only example around him and so he quite frankly sucks at it and sees his outbursts as…well…tantrums. He can’t fully see Killer for what he is and constantly sees him as a child due to his own age, and that belittling makes Killer’s emotions and rightful feelings come across as childish to Nightmare.

The mention of Error is also correct. Nightmare is used to emotional and violent outbursts since he was thirteen- especially from those close to him. Error and Nightmare as children weren’t healthy and Error was an abusive friend. I will always state that. However, though Error improved his ways, Nightmare never fully blamed him for such things and therefore never saw anything wrong with the people he loved lashing out and being hurtful. It’s normal for him- and also not smth to be addressed in his eyes. However, Killer is a child and as the adult, Nightmare has a responsibility to step in and correct his behavior with disciplinary action rather than passiveness. But, of course, he doesn’t until he finally snaps

3. Yeahhh I will say what Error told Killer didn’t bother him too much until he made the comment about Dust. Killer is far too use to the verbal abuse Error shoots at him that it rolled off of him and he was more annoyed Error was still in the room. Error and Killer just aren’t and will never be close enough for their fights to leave any impact. Nightmare, though? After finding out truly what Nightmare is capable of and then being told that? Oh, yeah, Killer is crushed.

4. This was one of the few times Error tried to actually help in his own way. Error doesn’t word himself well, even when being vulnerable. He hoped Killer would understand it as “there’s no need to lash out as ur already here and cared for. So just stop hating urself and others and finally feel secure. “ Was it not so great advice and easy to be misunderstood from what he actually meant? Yea. Did he just COMPLETELY miss the mark on mental health and the struggles of slowly getting over the fear of abandonment and the steps it takes to FEEL that security? YEAH LMAO. But Killer definitely misunderstood him as well. And Error also misunderstood something about Dust as well. I’ll expand more on that in my last point.

5. Dust may be smart, but he can’t put together a case without solid evidence and explanation and due to him not being there from the start, he doesn’t truly understand why Killer is acting like he is. He knows it has something to do with Nightmare, but what that actually is? He can’t know. I believe this won’t be a shock, but Dust does think Killer was being abused by Nightmare and therefore becomes like a guard dog. When Killer jumps him, that ideas gets thrown out the window and Dust is left utterly confused on the motives. He doesn’t hate him, though. He’s just confused, and hurt.

6. And unfortunately, Dust isn’t empathetic enough to be the one to truly understand things. Wonder who will be, though…

7. I cant say too much as that’s a chapter seven thing, but I will say it’s where Gus the immortal frog comes in (Killer’s pet) and given by Nightmare. I’m sure you can put two and two together as to why Nightmare, who is clueless about everything teenager related, is stooping to giving the apathetic Killer a pet 😭

8. Almost forgot this part but Killer is an unreliable narrator. He will always be, and the next bad Sanses chapter will see that, as it won’t be in his perspective solely. Everything he sees and thinks is unreliable. For example, when they reach the au and Dust is slowly blinking at him while Killer demands to know why he came too, Killer takes it as a threat. What if Dust actually doing? Blinking at him like he’s a angry cat bc Dust doesn’t understand emotions and defeats to animal behaviors to help soothe this teenager LMAO

[elliespuns]

I wanted to ask you this since you definitely understand the tlou characters down to a T 👌🏻How do you think sarah was conceived LMAO. Like, do you think joel and sarah’s mom were already in a relationship for a while, or were they a pretty new couple n all of a sudden she got pregnant. I’m assuming it was an accident and they were using protection, I don’t think joel would be dumb enough to not use protection.

Since joel’s birthday is in September and sarah’s mom got pregnant when he was 18, he must’ve gotten her pregnant after graduating. School in the US ends around May/June, so he would’ve been 17 during graduation. I wonder if he was supposed to go to college but had to leave bc sarah’s mom got pregnant.

I have the feeling he wasn’t planning on going anyways, otherwise he would told ellie at the university that he was supposed to go to college but didn’t bc of sarah. Not to mention, by the time his birthday came when he turned 18, if he was planning on going to college he would’ve already committed to a school since decisions would’ve come out when he was 17 and still a senior in hs. anyways that was more math than i was planning on doing lol but what are you thoughts?

First of all, I love all of this. Such a perfect, thought-through analysis (what do you even need me for, hun?).

I think everything you say makes perfect sense. The only thing I see differently is the "protection" part. I do, on the other hand, think Joel was dumb enough not to use the protection. I don't know why, but something has always told me he's one of the fathers who get their first girlfriend pregnant accidentally as a result of carefree sex and then end up dedicating their whole life to the baby, be it together with her or alone, because this baby is someone now, someone he's created, and what kind of person he would've been if he didn't want it.

Protection or not, both work, I guess. Both meant he got her pregnant by accident. People had limited options and choices back then when it came to unwanted pregnancies, so I think his initial thought was anything but "We need to keep it." despite the panic he felt.

He probably didn't even want a baby, but then he slept on it and realized there was no way back, so he manned up and married his girlfriend in the hope of raising this child together. Which didn't happen because his wife probably couldn't bear all this pressure of being a young mother and left him and Sarah on their own. That's when I think he manned up to the highest of levels because there was literally no one else who would take care of his baby.

What I think is that his wife just left him in the cold. Simple as that. Some people think she died, but that wouldn't make sense with what Joe told Ellie at the university. If his wife died, he'd probably just tell her, like in a good memory of her or something. He was already sharing his feelings about Sarah with Ellie, so he would do the same with his wife. Instead, he seemed like he didn't want to talk about his wife. I've always felt like it had nothing to do with being hard for him, but rather because this topic was not something he wanted to share with a kid.

Which makes me think his wife either left him and Sarah without saying a thing or they had a fight (she could be problematic, maybe not handling motherhood that well), and he told her to leave, knowing that he'd be a better dad to Sarah alone. 

I think Joel's wife was his girlfriend back when he got her pregnant. Maybe even his first serious girlfriend. That's probably why they decided to get married. Maybe they were even forced into marriage by their parents, because you know what it was like back then. You had to be married to have a kid, because if you had a kid without a marriage, you'd be looked down on.

I will forever wonder what Joel's wife's name was, though. I just hope it wasn't Sarah.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞🪞❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

78 for 🧟:

---

“Sounds like you’ve never solved a bad day with a reality TV binge watch,” Buck observes. 

“You’d be right,” Eddie chuckles. 

“Okay, you’re laughing, but the library has DVDs of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills which I will be using to recover from this extended walk.”

“That sounds mind numbing,” Eddie replies.

“Have you tried it?” Buck challenges.

“Well, no,” Eddie admits.

“Ahh, see? You gotta. There’s not a lot of bad situations watching Lisa Vanderpump scheme can’t make it better.”

“I have no idea who that is,” Eddie says. 

“Oh my god, it’s like you came out from under a rock,” Buck jests. 

“I think it was a closet,” Eddie mumbles. 

Buck chest jumps with an unexpected peel of laughter. 

“Fuck. You’re funny,” he says. 

Eddie smiles at him. It’s a different sort of smile than he’s been using thus far. And for a second, Buck forgets where they are and what they’re doing. He’s completely breathless. Which… Whoa. Is not a feeling he’s expecting? 

“Eddie,” Buck exhales. “I, uh-”

He’s cut off by a sudden rustle of movement on the other side of the freeway barrier. Before Buck can even think, Eddie raises his weapon, side steps around Buck, and fires three quick shots. 

Ears ringing, Buck looks over his shoulder to see three zombies drop like flies. 

“Whoa,” he exhales. “Uh, good reflexes, man.”

Whatever energy had been buzzing between them before has evaporated. The danger having been clearly reinstated like the sounding of an alarm. 

“Thanks,” Eddie replies. “Just good training.”

“Right,” Buck replies. 

The conversation dies down a bit between for a while after that. 

▪️▪️▪️

By the time they’re walking by the Los Angeles National Cemetery, Buck’s brain is all over the place. He feels like someone is pulling his brain apart to reconstruct it or something. He’s not sure what to think. Because there was a moment there where Buck kind of wanted to kiss Eddie. And that’s not the sort of thing he usually wants. But now… Now it’s kind of all he can think about. 

Buck has never considered kissing a guy before. At least not with this level of serious intention. It’s not that he’s never, well, appreciated guys. He has. He’s not so insecure in himself that he can’t say when another guy is hot. Especially their ass. He sees a good ass, he’s gonna think about it. Gender be damned. He’s just never had a reason to think outside of girls, because he’s always been pretty content there. 

Being content doesn’t mean being limited though, right? Or is Buck just in desperate need of some physical attention? Will he go for this, only to discover he doesn’t really want it? That hardly seems fair to Eddie. But then again… How does Buck know what he wants until he tries? And right now, he really wants to try. 

With all this in mind, Buck does something potentially ill advised. Maybe a little invasive. Definitely sort of obvious. At least, he would think so. If he were Eddie.

“How did you know you’re gay?” He asks. Not long after the cemetery.

Eddie coughs. “Uh, what?” 

“Like, you said you got married? You have a kid.” 

“Yes,” Eddie says carefully. “That’s all true.”

“So obviously being with a woman wasn’t, like, terrible.” Buck assumes. “Or maybe it was?”

“No,” Eddie shakes his head. “No, being with Shannon wasn’t terrible.”

“So how did you figure it out?”

---

78 for 🪞:

---

“Okay,” Tommy says, passing Buck the injera. “What is it?”

“I’ve made a kind of big decision about my life,” Buck says. “One I’m pretty set on.”

For a moment, he feels like Abby. Making a unilateral decision that impacts a relationship without even consulting his partner. And maybe he is exactly like her. Maybe in doing this, he can understand her better. Because he knows he needs to do this, regardless of the romantic consequences. But at least he’s giving Tommy a proper, honest heads up. 

“A couple weeks back, we rescued this kid from a fire at a group home,” Buck says. “A little girl. Six years-old.”

“Okay?” Tommy replies, before Buck can really continue. “Evan, is this your way of telling me you have a love child out there you didn’t know about?”

Buck flinches a little. “Uh, no. No love child. But if I did, would that be a, uh, dealbreaker?”

Tommy frowns. “Well, I guess that depends on the situation.”

Buck’s stomach drops a little. This is not going well for them thus far.

“O-okay, well… Well the little girl we rescued… It turns out we’d saved her before. As a newborn,” Buck explains. “And then she was abandoned. Went into the system. Almost seven years later, she’s never had a permanent home.”

“Hmm,” Tommy says, sort of flatly. “That’s sad.”

“It-it is,” Buck agrees. “So, I got to thinking, how could I help?”

Tommy’s face hardens a little. “Evan, you know that’s not your responsibility.”

“Do I?” Buck replies. “Because, it technically isn’t anyone’s responsibility. But if no one does anything, then what future does she have?”

“I don’t really know,” Tommy says, with a little helpless shrug. His expression seems to say, what do you want me to do here? And, honestly? Show some empathy for Dove. That’s all. Buck isn’t sure why that’s hard.

“I’m going to try to adopt her,” Buck says. He just drops the news. Puts it right out there.

Tommy’s eyes bulge. “You aren’t serious?”

“I am.” Buck grits his teeth. “I’ve already moved forward with it.”

Tommy makes a frustrated noise. Buck’s jaw tightens. 

“Is this because of Christopher?” He asks. 

Buck blinks. That is not at all what he expected to come out of Tommy’s mouth.

“About Christopher?” He parrots. “Wh-why would it be about Christopher?”

Tommy sighs. “Look, I know you’ve been trying to make Eddie feel better as much as you can, but I really don’t think this is the way to do it.”

“What? I’m not adopting a kid for Eddie.” Buck protests. “I’m doing it for her. And for me!”

“Did you talk to Eddie about this before me?” Tommy asks dubiously. 

“Well, yeah. Because he’s a dad.” Buck says. “I valued his input on the matter.”

“But not mine?” Tommy asks. 

---

66 for ❄️:

---

But that certainly doesn’t mean Eddie can’t sit back quietly and collect information. Assess his playing field. Build up a long game. Right? Or is that horrible? Maybe it’s horrible.

For example, when Buck comes over that Sunday, and it’s clear something is on is mind, Eddie isn’t going to not ask to hear about it. Even when it becomes clear who it is about.

“What’s eating you?” He asks, when Buck flops down onto the couch beside him with a heavy groan. 

“Ah, it’s nothing,” Buck replies, waving a dismissive hand. “You don’t need to hear about it, man.” 

He’s been doing that lately. Ever since Christopher left. Buck won’t complain about anything in his life in front of Eddie, with the singular exception of Gerrard. A common factor in everyone’s misery. So if Buck is hesitant to tell Eddie, then it must be about something other than work. 

“Don’t do that,” Eddie says. 

“Do what?” Buck asks. 

“Treat me with kid gloves,” Eddie says. “What’s going on?”

Buck sighs. “It’s not a huge deal.”

“So what? I want to hear about it anyway.”

“It’s… Well, it’s Tommy.”

Oh? Is it now? Eddie tries to keep a neutral face.

“What about him? I thought things were going well?”

“I mean,” Buck shrugs. “They are. Mostly.”

“Mostly?” Eddie asks. 

“Mostly,” Buck nods.

“But?”

“But… Okay, when you were hanging out with him, did you ever find him a little…”

“A little what?” Eddie asks. 

“A little condescending?” Buck clarifies. 

“Oh,” Eddie says. “Not really? Why? Is he being condescending to you?”

“I mean, maybe?” Buck replies. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m misreading his tone.”

“Okay,” Eddie furrows his brows. “What’s the context?”

Buck shrugs again. “I think maybe I’m just bad with sarcasm.”

“He is kind of sarcastic,” Eddie says carefully. 

It never bugged Eddie so much. Eddie’s own sense of humor can lean towards sarcasm pretty heavily. But he can see why Buck wouldn’t like it, especially in a romantic context. Buck is so sincere in everything. Loud and passionate about what he’s feeling. Eddie can imagine enough sarcasm might almost feel like a rejection of that. 

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

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Ch. 20: I’m Fine

Since her birthday, Hyeri hadn’t talked to Yoongi at all. He sends her updates about his day and how he’s been feeling, and as promised she reads every message feeling happy that he seems to be doing better despite their no communication arrangement.

Though she doesn’t respond to him directly, she keeps their shared calendar updated so he always knows her schedule. Yoongi appreciates that because he can still do sweet things for her like sending her breakfast and a rainbow scarf to wish her luck on her big audition. The gift is very well received as Hyeri had been increasingly nervous leading up to her audition. Now she has an extra boost of confidence thanks to Yoongi.

As time passes Yoongi has been reading and writing music. With everything he needs being provided for him, he’s even experimented with new foods that he hasn’t used much while cooking. He even made himself a pizza completely from scratch which turned out to be a bit messy but it came out well in the end.

Therapy sessions are going better. There’s still much for him to work on, but he’s doing well and Minho has even told him how he feels it may not be much longer that he’ll have to stay in his temporary treatment home. Going back home would bring back many of the challenges and temptations Yoongi had faced before, so Minho wants to be sure Yoongi won’t be overwhelmed and potentially fall back into his old habits, but he’s confident in Yoongi’s progress.

It’s nearing two months since Yoongi has been away and sober. Two months that the rest of the world hasn’t had a single idea where he was, although fans have trended a few tags here and there saying they miss him. He’s still limiting his time on socials so he took to Weverse to post an old photo and wish Jimin a happy birthday. He sent a text to Jimin, and previously Jungkook and Namjoon wishing them happy birthday, but he realized how much the fans were starting to question his absence. His short and sweet Weverse post was mainly to quell the worries of Army who’ve been wondering where he’s been.

His method worked and before he knew it he had a ton of comments on his post of everyone expressing love to him and joy that he’s shown signs of life after a while. Reading through the comments reminds him how much he loves and misses Army. It brings a big smile to his face. He can’t wait to go back home and see them again.

After about 15 minutes he finally pulls himself away from his phone and begins reading a book he recently started. He plays a rain asmr on his phone and makes himself comfortable in a chair facing the window with the beautiful view of the landscape outside before him. He opens the book and loses himself in it.

It’s easy for him to read for hours at a time when things are this peaceful. The asmr sounds always set the mood right. Except when he gets a text that cuts through the sound when his phone rings. He ignores it and continues reading. His phone rings again. He continues to ignore it. A few minutes pass and he gets another text. He assumes it’s the guys sending messages in their group chat so he continues to read his book for now and he’ll check the messages when he finishes the chapter he’s on. Seems he can’t finish the chapter though because his phone rings again and he finally gives in and looks at his phone.

The texts weren’t from the guys at all, they were from various other people. All people that don’t know that he’s been going through rehab the past two months. Usually that means something has happened which he assumes has to do with his Weverse post, but nothing about that could cause such a commotion. Then he actually reads the messages.

“Is she ok?”

“What happened?”

“Let me know how she’s doing.”

“Are you holding up ok?”

All of these messages have Yoongi both confused and anxious. He does a simple search of Hyeri’s name and he instantly sees it.

ACTRESS RAINBOW RUSHED TO HOSPITAL AFTER BEING FOUND UNCONSCIOUS AT HOME

“What?!” Yoongi shouts feeling his heart beating out of his chest.

He quickly calls Hyeri and gets no answer. He calls Namjoon hoping he knows something but he gets no answer from him either. He isn’t sure who else he can call for information without having to explain why he’s not at home and doesn’t know what’s going on himself. He tries calling her again and still gets no answer. He’s out of his seat and now rapidly pacing the floor as fast as his legs will move.

He doesn’t know what to do or think. He’s considering calling a manager to take him back home. His anxiety is growing with each passing second. He needs to be by her side. He’s a 5 hour drive away but he’ll make that trip on foot if he has to. He calls Hyeri a third time but still no answer so he leaves a desperate voicemail.

“Hyeri please answer,” he says frantically. “Let me know what’s going on. Let me know you’re ok. I don’t care what time it is just call me as soon as you can. I love you. Please call me back.” His voice cracks at his last sentence as he hangs up and begins to cry into his hands.

Not being by her side after her car accident had been a constant source of guilt for Yoongi. Though he was on tour, he still blames himself for not being by her side. Now he’s facing that fear again and it’s got him down on his knees. It feels worse this time because he still knew that she was ok after her accident. Right now he doesn’t even know if she’s alive or not and it’s got him going through a range of emotions.

Every passing moment feels like an eternity. It’s only an hour later that his phone rings and he quickly answers the incoming call from Namjoon.

“Do you know anything?” Yoongi asks the moment he picks up. “Please tell me she’s ok.”

“Hyung,” Namjoon says softly. “She’ll be ok.”

“Are you sure? How do you know? Did you talk to her?”

“I talked to her manager. He wouldn’t go into details, but she’s being treated and she’ll be ok. I know you’re worried and I wish I had more to tell you, but I’m sure she’ll reach out to you as soon as she can.”

“Namjoon, I’m dying over here,” Yoongi exasperates. “Does she have a hospital room? Can I call her? She hasn’t answered her phone, I just need to know she’s ok.”

“I don’t know any more than that,” Namjoon says sadly. “But she’s alive. Hold on to that until you hear from her.”

“I don’t know how long I’ll be able to make it,” Yoongi confesses. “I still hate that I wasn’t with her after her car accident. What am I supposed to do all the way over here, Namjoon?”

“You have to stop blaming yourself, hyung,” Namjoon says in his usual caring but direct tone. “She’s forgiven you, you need to forgive yourself.”

Yoongi knows that. He’s heard it so much from Minho that it almost makes him roll his eyes at Namjoon’s words. But he knows he’s right. He’s been trying to, but for some reason finding grace for himself is difficult. He’s forgiven himself for many things he’s done, but he’s been having the hardest time forgiving himself for cheating on her and for not being there to support her after her accident.

For most of the day Yoongi continues to struggle with not knowing what’s going on and forgiving himself. Talking to Namjoon helped, but he’s still battling internally and it’s difficult. So he finally does something he hasn’t done in a while. Something he didn’t even realize until it was brought up. He reached out for help before anyone told him he needed to.

Yoongi hasn’t had an appetite and by dinner time he can’t manage to get himself to eat anything. He starts to feel overwhelmed in the way that would usually send him reaching for the bottle. But instead of looking for something to drink, he called Minho.

Yoongi explained what was going on and expressed how he felt helpless and guilty, amongst other things. Minho helped him through what he’s feeling and talked to him about methods to handle the fear of not knowing. They spoke for an hour before Minho told Yoongi that he was proud of him.

“Why?” Yoongi asks confused. To him he’s been a complete mess, what would have Minho proud of him in this moment?

“You’ve told me about a lot of moments just in the past two months that have been difficult for you, but this is the first time you’ve reached out on your own to seek help,” Minho says. “You’ve come a long way from trying to deal with things alone. That’s why I’m proud of you.”

Yoongi isn’t sure how to respond. That’s not something he had thought about at all. It does make him feel a bit good to hear that from Minho though. He holds on to that feeling as long as he can because it’s the only thing getting him through the night.

He can’t sleep. He can’t eat. He doesn’t want to watch or listen to anything. He can only lay on the living room floor staring at the ceiling in the same position he was in when his call with Minho ended. It’s agonizing and it’s well past 2 am. and he’s sinking further into insanity.

Then the silence is broken by the sound of his phone ringing.

“Hyeri?” He answers frantically.

“Yoongi? You’re awake?” Hyeri’s hoarse voice hums through the phone.

“Hyeri, baby, you’re ok? What happened?” He didn’t even look to see who was calling but the moment he heard her voice he jumped to his feet fueled by pure adrenaline.

“I’m ok,” she says slowly. “I wanted to call you sooner but I couldn’t.”

“What happened?” He asks again clutching at his wildly beating heart.

“I guess I’m allergic to something in my new multivitamin,” she chuckles lightly.

“What?” Yoongi asks feeling slightly relieved that she’s able to squeak out a reassuring chuckle, but still very anxious.

“I decided to try out a new vitamin, but I’m allergic to something in it. I just had a really bad reaction, I’m ok.”

“They said you were unconscious,” he pouts.

“I was able to call my manager. I don’t really know what happened after I called him, I’m just lucky he got to me fast. When I woke up I was in the hospital.”

“So you’re ok?” He asks still not convinced. “How do you feel right now?”

“My throat is sore, but other than that I’m ok.”

“Are you really?”

“No,” she chuckles. “I’m covered in hives and hooked up to all kinds of machines and shit. Also my head hurts because I guess I bumped it on something when I passed out. And worst of all, I miss you.”

“I miss you too. So so much. I almost ran all the way there to see you.”

“Don’t do that,” she laughs. “They’re taking care of me. I’ll probably be here another day or two so you don’t have to worry. I’m in good hands.”

“I believe you,” he smiles with relief. “I know I can trust you when you tell me you’re fine. I heard about this through an article that only said you were taken to the hospital after you were found unconscious. I’ve been anxious all day.”

“I’m sorry, babe.”

“No, you don’t have to be sorry,” he says lightly. “I’m just telling you how my day went,” he chuckles. “I’m just really happy to know you’re ok.”

“Good. I was worried about you when I heard the voicemail you left me. I’m happy you answered. It’s just really good to hear your voice.”

“After this day you have no idea how good it is to hear you and……all of the shit I can hear beeping around you,” he jokes.

“If you want me to unplug the stuff-“

“No!” He answers quickly.

“I’m kidding,” she chuckles through her hoarse throat.

“You can’t play with me like that,” he jokes. “So what happens now?”

“I’m not sure. They want to do a couple of allergy tests to try pinpointing the exact thing I’m allergic to.”

“And you think it was in your multivitamin?”

“Yeah, right after I took it everything went bad. It’s a new brand that I got as a gift. I guess I won’t be posting that one on my insta,” she laughs.

Hearing her laugh through the phone makes Yoongi feel a million times better. He’s still worried about her, he always will be, but this time he feels different than he has before. She’s told him everything that happened and what’s to happen next. There’s nothing more he can do, and no matter how bad he wants to be next to her right now, it won’t change anything.

They talk for another hour relishing in the sound of each other’s voices. Hyeri is happy that the conversation didn’t turn out like the one after her premiere. Yoongi didn’t press her or make her feel like he doesn’t trust that she’s ok. That makes her feel better. She feels even more relieved when he tells her about his talk with Minho and how his sessions have been going in general.

Yoongi hasn’t always had a hard time expressing what’s on his mind. For the most part Hyeri never had to guess what he was going through. He’s already been through a lot in his life and had a previous round of therapy to address his mental health and other issues. The difference now is that he’s in love. Hyeri has brought out a part of him that he had never known before. He quickly found himself wanting to protect her at all costs. Even a minor paper cut would have him ready to fight. This love is a new feeling and he found himself sinking into bad habits, some old and some new.

Yoongi started to believe that he would never find that type of love, but then he did and for whatever reason he felt like he’s only lucky to have Hyeri, but anyone else could easily sweep her off of her feet and take her away from him. On stage and in the studio he feels confident and invincible. With Hyeri he feels tiny and less than worthy. He started having big reactions to not so big things. It all finally boiled over during their tour and by then Yoongi felt too powerless to stop the downward spiral. He hated himself for getting to that point and wanted her to hate him too.

He may still need to work on forgiving himself, but he’ll never take for granted how much she’s forgiven him.

[sygneth]

I am not even sure if I will be posting this (though, if you're reading this, I did), but, nevertheless, I have a few points about Jean that I have to make. He is no saint. He is an asshole and I’m not gonna pretend that he is not. But there is so much more to it. 

Let me start with the most obvious. He is said to have clinically diagnosed depression, with, apparently, no distinctive source, and, from what he says, we may assume he is under some sort of psychiatric supervision. 

He was diagnosed seven years ago. Diagnosed with depression, which probably means he’s been dealing with it for a good while longer, only at a certain moment he decided to seek help/had an attempt/any other circumstance that lead this man to get a diagnosis. He is now 34, seven years earlier he’d be 27. 

The reasons for such unspecified depression may be many, from some kind of a rare neurological defect causing one’s brain to be incapable of properly producing/transmitting/I’m-not-a-biologist-neither-is-English-my-first-language-so-I’m-not-gonna-dig-into-neurological-dysfunctions-further-but-you-get-the-point, serotonin, through a burnout, all the way to having other, undiagnosed disorders/illnesses as *checks Luiga’s tweets* Schizoid PD (I am not convinced that what Jean presents is a 100% textbook SPD example, rather SPD traits/behavior patterns? But I’m no specialist and even if I were, it’s hard to diagnose someone based on those few dialogue lines) and codependency tendencies. The doctors didn’t diagnose any other disorder, or at least he never mentions it, but looking at the world of Elysium, those disorders may not yet have been widely recognized, especially if not presenting themselves in the most typical ways/high-functioning. And Jean tends to be high functioning despite his issues. Yet, I assume that in Elysium, and Jamrock especially, the access and quality of psychological and psychiatric services are poor and probably limited. Not to mention education on the matter, which is probably low if not near none. (Just looking at how is alcoholism treated by *everyone* there, or the short mention of McCoy’s brother gives me a good 90’s/early 00s Eastern Europe vibe of mental issues/disabilities public awareness.)  Now, keep that in mind. 

Alright. Next up: a codependent, close relationship with an alcoholic. 

Jean’s relationship with Harry is an interesting one. I found this interesting research on codependency among spouses of alcoholics, that states codependency is related to, among others, SPD traits. (That’s an, uh, disclaimer? I was just curious how that two may coexist, but apparently, they do.) 

Back to the main thought. 

As someone who has been in a close, codependent relationship with a person who had problems with drinking, I can tell you something. It’s more than hard to get out of one. You see a person you care about do stupid, drunken, dangerous shit, you may be angry at them, you may be furious, yet you will still feel responsible for them in a way, and you will take that responsibility and try to get them out of the shit they got themselves into. I’ll say more, if that’s an actual relationship, you will feel social pressure that you are responsible for your partner’s behavior and you’re the one to take care of them. If it’s your work partner, then it’s highly probable you actually will be held responsible for their behavior, so you’re even more likely to clean up their mess. And when you help them out, because you care, because you feel like you should, because you don’t want to be “dicked” for it, maybe all of the above, they will be grateful and they will praise you and love you and even if you feel like this is not the right thing to do, you will do it again.

It takes a lot of work and self-awareness to get out of something like that healthily. And if you have some psychological knowledge, it also helps a lot, to understand how to deal with it. And the only way to do it, regardless healthy or not, is by setting boundaries. If you can healthily set them, and make the other person respect them, that’s very good. But if you have some other mental issues in addition to that, if you lack knowledge on how people’s behavior patterns work, on how exactly addictions work and that, you are maybe having some problems with generally understanding relationships between people, how and why they work, it’s very likely that you won’t be capable of setting those boundaries and enforce them to be respected. It’s very likely that one day, when something will happen and you will realize how toxic and unhealthy this relationship is for you, you will panic and you will start to do anything to get out of it, like a cat drowning in a well. That you will start acting cold, maybe even merciless from a certain perspective, maybe you won’t let yourself believe in their pleading and assurances of change, because you will know that letting yourself *feel* sympathy for the person you had this relationship with may lead to spiraling back into the wheel of codependency. Maybe you have already tried this, and letting yourself trust them only led you back to the point where you started and maybe this time, you don’t want it to end up this way.

And you know what? There is nothing wrong with trying to ensure your mental well-being. “Before approaching the casualty, always make sure the area is safe.” YES because if you’ll get hurt trying to help somebody, there will be one more person to help. The same applies to helping people get their life together. If you won’t have a good mindset to help them, if they will only drag you down, maybe the area isn’t safe? 

Moving on. 

Now, remember when I said that the level of social and psychological awareness seems very low in Elysium/Revachol/Jamrock? About that. 

You know what else I see, looking at the Harry-Jean-Dora-Kim situation? A bunch of people with self-awareness in terms of emotion, and emotional development of teenagers, but problems of grown-up people. And they are not to blame, the system is to blame. Harry seems to be very self-conscious and connected to his emotions, yet for six years he couldn’t find a healthy way to get over a heartbreak. He has tendencies to act violently, to randomly drunk-phone his ex to harass her (I mean come on, he was asking her if she is naked), not to mention a tone of other things. 

What happens here to Jean, is his situationship/best friend, whom yeah, he decided to ‘have a break’ with, immediately gets over it, and starts to go out with someone else. Taking, that this man has probably understanding of his emotions on a level of a high-schooler, he WILL be salty. He will be mad at Harry and he will be salty towards Kim when he sees them in Whirling. (Not to mention that it’s probably how they just roll in the precinct, and I’m quite sure that Harry’s and Jean’s relationship has been japing on and teasing each other, and as long as they both knew how it works, it was all good, compare: this post. So yes, Jean will be angry with Harry and he will act like an offended drama queen partially because that is just how their relationship dynamics probably looked like for the last two (at least!) years, and partially because he is an offended 16-year-old drama queen, whose bestie told her to fuck off and found a new (boy)friend. 

Is it good, that grown-up men have the emotional capabilities of high schoolers? No. Should we blame them, or the fact that their system seemingly doesn’t provide any prevention, doesn’t promote awareness, or offer any proper healthcare for that matter? I’ll leave that to you.

To add to all this, yes, the RCM’s fucked up system, hierarchy, and mentality don’t help. Yes, it would be better for both Harry and Jean and probably Kim too, taking for his PTSD, to get the fuck out of there and live peaceful lives. But you know, changing your whole lifestyle isn’t easy. Understanding that maybe it’s better to leave now and that it doesn’t mean you’ve “wasted” your years is a process, a long and hard one. I had to learn this. My close ones had to learn this. Some of them still didn’t, especially, that where I come from, there is this CEE culture of not letting yourself fail with peace of mind. You got to do everything the best you can, you gotta do it 120%, and if not, you’re a rotten piece of shit. Looking at how Harry treats himself, Revachol seems to have this in common with Central-Eastern Europe as well. 

Another thing, we don’t even know what Kim or Jean did before they joined the RCM, and Harry was a gym teacher. Thinking that it is easy to just switch your job in, again, a place with a CEE mentality, is a huge mistake. At the age of 40-odd years especially. In the 90s, especially. We don’t even know if Jean or Kim have any other education on their account, besides being cops, so changing professions would mean additional education, and for Harry, how many places, realistically, would take in a 45-year-old gym teacher?

I generally see that many people seem to forget/not understand how CE European mentality works, and it shows. I am glad that we live in a world where awareness of things such as homophobia, ableism, misogyny and else is common knowledge. But it wasn’t here, not even those 15 years ago. I remember people using names of dysfunctions and disabilities as slurs. Grown up people. I remember my classmates and my friend calling each other faggots or laughing at each other for not being gender-affirmative enough. Half of us turned out to be queer, and nobody had a problem with that, because in those times this kind of language wasn’t necessarily indicating someone’s worldview, it was just a bad habit, a very common one. I am more than happy, really, that we got rid of this kind of narrative and are more aware of the weight of a spoken word now. But when talking about past or settings that resemble this past, let’s please not forget that it DID look different and take that into consideration. Please. 

Remembering what we derived from and what a great progress as a society we did is important, as it shows the way we managed to walk, but also reminds us of what people had to deal with. And is a warning, because now we’re probably still all doing things that in 30 years will be so, so wrong. 

So concluding this ridiculously long consciousness stream, I love you, DE fandom. Now, I have an interview to watch (probably not anymore) and a comic page to draw (as always). I’ll leave you with this here.

[yamayuandadu]

What is your opinion on the article "Mesopotamian or Iranian? A New Investigation on the Origin of the Goddess Anāhitā" by Alireza Qaderi?

He proposes that Anahita is possibly the syncretism of an Iranian Water goddess with Annunitum, and while it largely makes a lot of sense to me, especially with how it points out that we can't treat the Avesta as we know it as identical to the Avesta in Zarathustra's time, it also assumes the Central Asian goddess Ardokhsho comes from Aredvi Sura instead of Arti, and everything else I've seen just says Ardokhsho comes from Arti, although I haven't seen much literature on either deity tbh

Sorry it took me a few days to answer this ask even though it’s basically laser focused on my interests. I had some other stuff to read and unpleasant work duties to perform and couldn’t properly go through the recommended paper.

My feelings about the paper are mixed. I think anyone who remembers Annunitum was a distinct deity as early as in the late third millennium BCE deserves at least some credit. The notion of interchangeability of goddesses still haunts the field, fueled by Bible scholars, Helsinki hyperdiffusionists and the like. Overall the author shines in the sections dedicated only to the evaluation of the broadly Iranian material, but as soon as the focus switches to Mesopotamia things fall apart, sadly. More under the cut. Hope you don’t mind that I’ll also use this as an opportunity to talk about Annunitum in Sippar in general. I've been gathering sources to improve her wiki article further (don’t expect that any time soon though). 

The Iranian material

Criticizing the vintage attempts at equating Anahita with Sarasvati is sound and sensible. Same with stressing that she is distinct from Nanaya and Oxus. The criticism of theories depending on lack of familiarity with the historical range of the beaver was a nice touch too, it demonstrates well that the author wanted to cover as much previous literature as possible. However, I also have no clue what’s up with “ΑΡΔΟΧΡΟ has an ambiguous relationship with Arədvī Sūrā”, I’ve also only ever seen this name explained as a derivative of Ashi/Arti save for a single paper trying to force a link to Oxus which was met with critical responses. It’s entirely possible this is an argument I simply haven’t seen though, I’m also not really familiar with this matter.

Overall the arguments against seeking Anahita’s origin in the east are perfectly sensible, and line up with the evidence well - no issues at all with this part of the paper. Following a more detailed list of Anahita’s easter attestations from Shenkar’s Intangible spirits and graven images. She appears on some Kushano-Sasanian coins, but this seems to reflect importing her from the west relatively late on since she appears in neither Kushan nor Bactrian sources. The coins are even exclusively inscribed in Middle Persian, with no trace of the local vernacular. 

For unclear reasons Anahita caught on to a degree even further east in Sogdia, but attestations are limited to the period between fourth and sixth centuries. Since they’re largely just generic theophoric names, it is hard to call her anything but a minor deity of indeterminate character in this context, though. I’ve seen the argument that the popularity of Oxus in the east might have been the obstacle to introducing her. Oxus was a bigger deal in Bactria than in Sogdia so it could even explain why Sogdians were slightly more keen on her, arguably, even if they and Bactrians came into contact with her cult under similar circumstances.

Back to the article, the section dealing with the western attestations starts on a pretty strong note too. The need for reevaluation if it’s fair to talk about Achaemenid rulers as “Zoroastrian” is a mainstay of studies published over the past 10-15 years or so. I can’t weigh on the linguistic arguments because I know next to nothing about that.

I’m not sure if I follow the argument that it makes no sense Iranian population wouldn’t need a royal order to start worshipping a new deity as long as they were Iranian, tbh - linguistic or cultural affiliation doesn’t come prepackaged with automatically updated list of deities one is obliged to instantly adopt as soon as they pop up into existence. Following this logic, why didn’t Sargon’s Akkadian speaking subjects in Syria just adopt Ilaba before being obliged to do so? You will find literally hundreds of cases like this, it’s a very weird argument to me.

The Mesopotamian material

The biggest problems start once the coverage of Mesopotamia begins. The rigor evident in the strictly Iranian sections of the article just… vanishes and it’s incredibly weird. Herodotus as a source is… quite something. The phrase “ a goddess with a Semitic character” is… well, quite something too (Reallexikon generally advises against defining anything but languages as “Semitic” in Mesopotamian context - Mesopotamian is a perfectly fine label to use, and accounts for the fact that Sumerian, Hurrian and Kassite are not a part of the Semitic language family). It keeps repeating later and admittedly I’m not very fond of this. Especially when it pertains to the west of Iran, where deities originating in Mesopotamia were worshiped since the late third millennium BCE - they were more Elamite than Mesopotamian by the time Persians showed up, really. The matter is covered in detail in Wouter Henkelman’s Other Gods who Are with Adad in the Persepolis Fortification Archive as a case study.

Cybele was by no means Mesopotamian (with each new study she keeps becoming more strictly Phrygian, with earlier Anatolian, let alone Mesopotamian, influence becoming less and less likely) so I'm not sure what she's doing here, Nanaya’s associations with lions is almost definitely an Iranian innovation and not attested before the late first millennium BCE; despite earlier sound arguments against ascribing strictly Avestan Zoroastrian sensibilities to people in the late first millennium BCE, that’s basically what happens here. Lions were evidently viewed favorably by at least some Persians and especially Bactrians and Sogdians.

The less said about the part trying to link evidence from Palmyra to Inanna and Dumuzi (what does a marginal spouse deity like Dumuzi, entirely absent from Palmyra, have to do with Sabazius, a veritable pantheon head equated with Zeus?), the better. Frazerian bit, if I have to be honest.

I’m not sure about the enthusiasm for Boyce’s argument that it makes little sense for Anahita to simultaneously be a river goddess and to bestow victory in battle. The latter characteristic lines up well with her elevation to the position of a deity tied to investiture of kings, which in turn is something which boils down to personal preference of a given dynasty. The character of deities isn’t necessarily supposed to be one-dimensional and having distinct spheres of activity because of historical factors is hardly unusual.

Stressing that it’s not possible to treat Anahita and Ishtar as interchangeable is commendable. However, I don’t think it’s possible to claim continuity between the religious beliefs reflected in the relief of Anubanini and first millennium BCE Media. The argument is not pursued further, to be fair, but it’s still weird.

The next huge issue is the treatment of the late “Anu theology”. A good recent overview of this matter can be found in Krul’s 2018 monograph (shared by the author herself here).

For starters, it’s completely baffling to declare Anu had no spouse at first; Urash and Ki are both attested in the Early Dynastic period already - and the former appears reasonably commonly in this role in literary texts and god lists. Even Antu might already be present in the Abu Salabikh list.

Attributing Inanna prominence in Uruk and in the Eanna in particular to identification with Antu is utterly nightmarish and one of the worst Inanna takes I’ve ever seen; the fact it’s contradicted by information of the same page makes it pretty funny, admittedly. Inanna’s ties to the city go back literally to the beginning of recorded history (some of the oldest texts in the world are demands aimed at cities under the control of Uruk to provide offerings for Inanna ffs), and probably even further back. Meanwhile, Anu for most of his history was an abstract hardly worshiped deity; Krul stresses this in the beginning of her book linked above. I’m not a fan of ancient matriarchy takes which are often lurking in the background when the cases of earliest city goddesses like Inanna, Nisaba and Nanshe are discussed but I do think the need to downplay Inanna’s prominence and elevate Anu which pops up every few years in scholarship is suspect and probably motivated by sexism, consciously or not, tbh. 

Trying to make the “Anu theology” which developed in the late first millennium BCE an influence on the entirety of Mesopotamia and beyond is puzzling. Sabazius appearing in Palmyra with a spouse is tied to Anu, somehow? The fact that deities had spouses is? Atargatis ties into this somehow? I’m sorry, but I’m not following. Also, Uruk was no longer a theological center of the Mesopotamian world in the first millennium BCE. Babylon was, and before that Nippur. There is no need to speculate, there are thousands of texts to back it up. The late sources from Uruk in particular show that Babylon was somewhat forcefully influencing the city, not the other way around.

The Anu theology was a display of local “nationalism” of Uruk and had a very limited impact. There is evidence for some degree of late theological cooperation between Uruk and Nippur, and possibly Der as well (Der itself despite being located with certainty has yet to be excavated, though, so caution is necessary), but nothing of this sort is to be found in the late sources from other locations.

Annunitum = Anahita?

Finally, let’s look at the core idea behind the article.

Right off the bat I feel it’s necessary to stress Annunitum generally wasn’t regarded as an astral deity. In the Old Babylonian period, the Venus role was evidently handled by Ninsianna in Sippar; later on they aren’t even attested there but the regular Ishtar is. Seems doubtful it would actually be Annunitum who got to be an astral deity there at any point in time.

This claim is also highly dubious. There is no evidence that Antu was ever worshiped in Sippar, let alone that she was equated there with Annunitum; she doesn’t show up at all in Jennie Myers’ 2002 thesis The Sippar pantheon: a diachronic study. Paul-Alain Beaulieu stresses her lack of importance all across Mesopotamia save for first millennium BCE Uruk here. There is also no evidence that the late Anu theology impacted Sippar in any capacity. Shamash retained his position in the city until the death of cuneiform. Even in Uruk, Annunitum in the late sources appears only in association with Ishtar and Nanaya, not Anu and Antu. I will repeat how I feel about the need to assert Anu’s importance where there is no trace of it. Overall it feels like unrelated Mesopotamian and adjacent sources from different areas and time periods are used indiscriminately; which is ironically the criticism employed in the article wrt the treatment of Iranian textual sources by other researchers. The Assyriological sources employed leave a bit to be desired, too. In particular Abusch’s Ishtar entry in the Dictionary of Deities and Demons in the Bible is a nightmare (he’s good when he covers incantations but his broader “theological” proposals are… quite something), here are some quotes from it to show how awful it is is a central point of reference:

Of the other authors cited, Jacobsen is Jacobsen and a lot changed since the 1960s. Roberts was criticized right after his study was published by researchers like Aage Westenholz. Langdon’s study from the early 1900s is an outdated nightmare, I guess we know what’s up with the Dumuzi hot takes now. Beaulieu is great but his papers and monographs aren’t really utilized to any meaningful extent, I feel. 

Other criticisms aside, I’m unsure if Annunitum was important enough in the fifth century BCE to be noticed by Artaxerxes II as postulated here, especially since Shamash was right next door and definitely retained some degree of prominence. Most if not all cases of Mesopotamian deities influencing Persian or broader Iranian tradition reflect widespread cults of popular deities - Nanaya, Nabu (via influence on Tishtrya), Nergal (in the west, around Harran) - as opposed to a b-list strictly local deity. And it’s really hard to refer to Annunitum differently. Let’s take a quick look at her position in the twin cities of Sippar - as far as I am aware, the most recent treatment of this matter is still Myers’ thesis, and that’s what I will rely on here. 

Annunitum is first attested in Sippar in the Old Babylonian period, during the reign of Sabium, though as a deity already locally major enough to appear in an oath formula alongside Shamash. In the Early Dynastic period Sippar-Amnanum was likely associated with an enigmatic figure designated by the logogram ÉREN+X who doesn’t seem to be related to her. When and how exactly the tutelary deity change occurred is not presently possible to determine and admittedly of no real relevance here.

Evidently Annunitum’s cult in Sippar was influenced to some degree by the Sargonic tradition she originated in, her temple was even called Eulmaš just like that in Akkad. It’s not impossible it was even originally founded by one of the members of the Sargonic dynasty, but in absence of pre-OB evidence caution is necessary. There is no shortage of later rulers who wanted to partake in the Sargonic legacy, after all. By the earliest documented times, it was the second most important temple in the Sippar agglomeration, and the only one beside the Ebabbar to have its own administrative structure. Annunitum was even referred to as the “queen of Sippar” (Šarrat Sippar; note that by the Neo-Babylonian period this title came to function as a distinct goddess, though). In Sippar-Amnanum there was a street, a gate and a canal named after her. A bit over 6% of the inhabitants of both cities bore theophoric names invoking her, also. Sippar-Amnanum was abandoned for some 200 years after the reign of Ammi-saduqa, but it seems the clergy simply moved to the other Sippar next door. Next few centuries are very sparsely documented at this site, but supposedly Shagarakti-Shuriash rebuilt Annunitum’s temple (the matter is discussed in detail here).

Inscriptions of Tiglath-pileser I dealing with the conquest of northern Babylonia affirm that Annunitum continued to be viewed as the goddess of Sippar through the Neo-Assyrian period. According to an inscription of Nabonidus her temple, and Sippar-Amnanum as a whole, were razed by Sennacherib (he also blames “Gutians” for it though by then this is a label as generic as “barbarian”). This might be why her cult had to be relocated to the other part of Sippar again. In the Neo-Babylonian period it returned to Sippar-Amnanum under Neriglissar, though her temple was only rebuilt by Nabonidus. It survived at least until the reign of Darius, though it was only a small sanctuary (É.KUR.RA.MEŠ) like those of Adad and Gula.

There is very little evidence for popular worship of her so late on: only two theophoric names have been identified…. For comparison, Shamash appears in 208 (out of 823 theophoric names, out of a total of 1243 total). Nergal, Gula, Adad and even Amurru are all more common.  Aya is also absent, but unlike Annunitum despite her prominence in earlier periods she was actually never common in theophoric names, save for the names of naditu; and naditu ceased to be a thing after the OB period.

Offering lists complicate the matter further. From the reign of Nebuchadnezzar, Annunitum started to lose ground to a duo introduced from Dur-Kurigalzu: a manifestation of Nanaya associated with this city and Ishtar-tashme. Why they suddenly appeared in Sippar and why they overshadowed Annunitum is uncertain, perhaps Dur-Kurigalzu just failed to recover from decline after the end of the Kassite period and eventually the decision was made to start transferring local deities to other nearby major urban centers. The process reversed during the reign of Nabonidus, who ordered an increase in offerings made to her. This might’ve been motivated by his general concern for Sin and any deities considered members of his immediate family - essentially, a display of personal devotion. This elevation is still evident in offering lists from the reign of Cyrus, though.

Overall the paper is quite convincing - outstanding, even - when it comes to the Iranian material alone, and between mediocre and nightmarish once the author shifts to Mesopotamia.

[ironunderstands]

I've seen some people mention that at the end cutscene of 2.2, while everyone else in the dreamscape looks to be waking up/seems dazed, Ratio looks composed????? Like this is a normal Tuesday and said people said "what if he's been awake from the Order dream for actually a while lol"

Thoughts, o Aeon of Reading Comprehension?

Knowing Ratio, yeah, he probably figured out he was in a dream pretty quickly, perhaps even as early as 2.2.

There are two things that confuse this though:

It doesn’t linearly become Ena’s dream, there’s no specific moment in time where everything is no longer reality. Rather, the entirety of Penacony is slowly falling into the dream, with people like the Trailblazer going in first because of their sensitivity to Memoria. Honestly the Ena’s dream thing is very confusing, but what I’m trying to say is that it’s difficult to pinpoint when exactly Ratio woke up, but we can make a few assumptions

We just don’t see shit from Ratio’s end like, at all. The amount of screentime he has versus his importance in the story is nuts, to the point where I think they are almost deliberately hiding what went down on his end. Like bro how did you figure out Dormancy, what happened 😭

However, even with these limitations I still have somewhat of an idea of what I think happened.

The Ratio we meet next to Aventurine and Topaz following our “defeat” of Sunday likely isn’t the real Dr. Ratio. Because well, look at him. And look at them for that matter 😭 “The IPC is going to leave Penacony alone” “I Veritas Ratio am working with the Genius Society” this seems more like wishful thinking on the Trailblazer’s end rather than something that could ever happen in reality, especially since in what universe would Ratio find the time to somehow convince and work with the Genius Society on a topic neither he nor they would care about.

Moreover, this scene is also meant to make the audience go “hmm, something’s up” so the twist that it was all a dream had more impact. However, in that scene, Himeko and Welt also comment on how weird their behavior is, which makes me wonder. Were Himeko and Welt (and by extension Dan Heng and March) also experiencing the same dream as TB, or are they also fake, and TB’s closer relationship with the other members of the Astral Express makes them more realistic in Ena’s dream, objecting to the IP3’s behavior in a way they would in reality?

Anyways, tangent over, the point is, that Ratio wasn’t real, so where is the real Ratio? I’d say he’s experiencing a perfect dream of his own, just like everyone else on Penacony.

Which is why he woke up so early. Sure, the memokeepers could have sensed he was useful and woke him up so he could help wake others up, something which we can assume he’s doing based on the singular frame he gets in that cutscene.

Just based on vibes, it looks like he just helped those two people in the back wake up, and now he stands up to look at the Hunt arrows/stars/meteors? Shooting across the sky.

However, I want to entertain the idea that Ratio woke up on his own, because realistically, he 100% could.

Ena’s dream, and well, Penacony in general offers a perfect reality, and that’s not something Ratio believes in. He would immediately notice everything is too good to be true, and that would cause the dream to fall apart. Interestingly, Ena’s dream also seems to tailor itself to the individual, so what would be too perfect for Ratio to ever believe it could happen in reality?

I’m sure you have already guessed the answer.

How was it, Veritas Ratio? Having the thing that unraveled your dream be the one thing you have wanted all your life? How does it feel, knowing that being acknowledged by Nous is something that could never happen to you in reality?

How was it?

I still think it could have happened in other ways, or maybe he avoided falling into the dream in the first place somehow, but ultimately, I prefer my idea the most.

I hope this satisfies your question

[pandenewie]

Prom King

SYNOPSIS:

Y/n and their best friend Intak made a bucket list to make their final year of high school absolutely perfect. Although Y/n’s list of to-dos is now complete, Intak has just one more thing to tick off - win prom king. All is well, until they hear a certain Kim Sunoo is also running.

PAIRING: sunoo x gn!reader

GENRE: nonidol!au, highschool!au, enemies to lovers, slowburn (they hate each other for most of it) fluff, crack, ft P1harmony Intak, Itzy Yuna, Le Sserafim Kazuha, Ateez Seonghwa, Stray Kids Minho, TXT Beomgyu, Enhypen Jay

WORD COUNT: 18.2k

FRIDAY - 21 DAYS TILL PROM:

“Bestie!”

Part of Y/n regrets teaching Intak internet slang. The amount of “slays” and “side eyes” heard each day would draw any sane person to their limit. But they suppose the goofy smile on his face makes up for the near insanity. Just.

Y/n and Intak have been friends since middle school after he accidentally made them cry because their team lost dodgeball. One apology and a shared popsicle later, they were inseparable. Now, all these years have passed and he’s still the same 12 year old boy from back then, stealing their pens and waking up early just to carpool to school (he claims Y/n’s car’s a.c is better, but really he just wants to spend time with them.)

“You literally saw me an hour ago.” Intak can’t help but roll his eyes at his friend’s words, pulling Y/n into a side hug nonetheless. “That’s like… a whole 60 minutes.” He groans, causing Y/n to sigh. “Oh no! Poor little Intak… how are you gonna survive when we go to university? Or even worse, when we have actual jobs?” Intak lets out a laugh, attempting to brush his hair out of his face. “Bold of you to assume I’m not attached to your hip for life.”

Intak has always been clingy - or better yet, loyal. Once he opens himself up to someone, he attaches himself wholeheartedly to that person. It’s one of his many dog-like qualities that make him so easy to be around - so easy to adore. Stressing over homework? Intak will lend his mostly wrong answers. Crying over an ex? Intak’s over within minutes with movies and ice cream. Y/n feels very lucky to have someone like him in their life.

A lot of people at their school assume that the two are dating, which is honestly laughable to them. Obviously to an outsider, this sort of affection may seem a little odd but with Y/n and Intak it’s just natural. Their relationship is anything but romantic. Besides, Intak is just so… Intak.

“You know, I feel bad for your future wife.” Y/n sighs as they walk with Intak to their next class. The boy turns around to look at them confused, Y/n mentally cursing at his long legs as they struggle to keep up with his speed. “Why? She’ll love you too. We can be a cute little trio!” Intak gushes. “And be a third wheel for the rest of my life? No thank you.”

The rest of the day speeds by quickly and before they know it, the final bell rings, dismissing the students for the day. Students rush to get out of their seats but are immediately stopped by their teacher, Mr Lee.

“Before you run off, don’t forget you have your final presentations due next week. Try to meet up with your buddy over the weekend if you can.” A class of groans erupts at the teacher’s words - bar Intak and Y/n, who look at each other with a smirk. Pros of being partnered with your best friend.

“Oh, and the list of contenders for prom king and queen is up by the gym. Voting starts next week and remember you can only vote once so… yada yada no one’s listening. You’re dismissed.”

Before Y/n can even finish packing up their books, Intak grabs their hand and pulls them out of the classroom. “What the hell Intak? My car is that way!” Y/n groans as he pulls them through the halls, not so gracefully bumping into a few people along the way.

As they eventually come to a stop, Y/n realises that he has taken them to the gym. “Look, there’s my name!” Intak gushes, pointing at the bold Hwang Intak that’s written on the paper. Y/n smiles lovingly at their friends happiness but can’t help the gentle roll of the eyes that follows. “Did you just take me here to brag about running for prom king?” “No, I’m here to check out the competition.”

At the beginning of the year, Intak and Y/n each wrote a “bucket list” containing the things they wanted to achieve in their final year of high school. It was full of simple things, like having perfect yearbook photos, joining certain clubs, etc. Y/n ticked off their final one just last week, after they had finally gotten an A on Mr Park's “unbeatable assignment” they’d heard upperclassmen complaining about for years. Intak however, has just one more thing on his list. Win prom king.

Intak’s eyes vigorously scan over the list before his shoulders seem to deflate. “What’s wrong?” Y/n asks, immediately squeezing in next to him in order to see the list as well. Their eyes quickly scan the names before landing on the one right at the bottom… Kim Sunoo. “Well… there goes my bucket list.” Intak laughs, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. 

Sunoo has always been Intak’s rival of sorts. It all started years ago, when the two took the same dance class. Intak and Sunoo were each other’s biggest competition. When it came down to Sunoo’s fluid and flexible dance style versus Intak’s bold and precise one - Sunoo almost always came out on top. Intak was good, sure. But Sunoo had a natural charm to him that Intak just couldn’t compete with. The same thing happened throughout school, when they both decided to join the drama club. Intak once again, was in second place - constantly losing roles and opportunities to Sunoo. 

Finally, high school came around and Intak managed to find something he really shined in, which was soccer. Not only did he really enjoy it, but there was also no Sunoo around to steal his spotlight. That was until Sunoo joined the cheerleading team and once again, the spotlight became shared.

“Come on, I’ve got practice but I can walk you to your car.” Intak attempts to pull Y/n away from the list but they stay put - anger practically dripping from their body. “That selfish asshole.” Y/n scoffs, aggressively poking his name, as if proving a point. God, even his handwriting is annoying. “He’s already the captain of the cheer team, the lead in the school play, has nearly perfect grades and is on the student council. He just needs to have this too? Can’t stand someone else having the spotlight for one fucking night?”

Y/n is fuming. It’s no secret that they aren’t the most fond of Sunoo, especially due to what he put Intak through over the years. This is just the icing on top of the “reasons to hate Kim Sunoo” cake.

“Hey, it’s alright. I don’t care that much anyway.” Intak attempts to calm his friend, finally managing to pull them back the direction they came. “You wouldn’t have put it on your list if you didn’t care, Intak.” Y/n sighs. “Well yeah but I’m up against Sunoo! I’m not gonna win so there’s no point in making a big deal of it.” Intak mumbles. Y/n can tell that he’s disappointed. For whatever reason, winning prom king is really important to Intak. So in that moment, they mentally promise to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

MONDAY - 18 DAYS TILL PROM:

Intak doesn’t hate people. No matter what they do or say to him, he just can’t bring himself to do it. Y/n however, isn’t anywhere as nice as Intak. So they hate people for him. This is evident on their face as they make their way towards Sunoo’s desk as soon as class is over.

“We need to talk.”

Sunoo looks up from his book at the sudden presence, and his eyes light up with mischief as they lock with Y/n’s.

“Y/n! To what do I owe this pleasure?” His voice drips with sarcasm as he lays his chin in his palm, looking up at Y/n with a smirk. Violence is never the answer but god, does Y/n want to punch him right now. “Oh cut the crap Sunoo.”

Sunoo knows all about Y/n’s hate for him. And although he swears he’s done nothing to deserve it, he certainly isn’t opposed to biting back. What’s the harm in dishing out the same treatment? Besides, Y/n looks extremely cute when they’re mad.

“You know, you look so pretty when you smile, Y/n. It’s a shame I only see you when you’re scowling.” Sunoo teases, bringing his finger up to gently poke at the furrow between Y/n’s brows - causing them to push it away almost immediately. “Stop being such an ass and I’d have something to smile about.”

Sunoo can’t help but laugh at Y/n’s meaningless jab, only making them even angrier. “Why the hell did you sign up for prom king?” They spit, almost as if the words were venomous. Sunoo can’t help the confused expression that makes its way across his face. They’re upset over that?

“I don’t know, Yuna signed me up without telling me.” Sunoo shrugs nonchalantly. This answer only adds fuel to the fire that is Y/n’s anger. “Oh you’ve got to be kidding me. Do you even care about being prom king?” They scoff, causing Sunoo to shrug once more. “I think the whole thing is stupid to be honest.” He says. “Great! Drop out.” And with that, Y/n swiftly turns on their heel and walks out of the classroom.

The silence however is short-lived as Sunoo jogs up behind them. “Why the hell would I drop out?” He asks, causing Y/n to roll their eyes. “You said it yourself, you don’t care about it. And yet you running for prom king directly stops other people from having a chance.” Y/n states. Now it’s Sunoo’s turn to roll his eyes. “You’re acting like it’s a scholarship or something. It’s just a dumb plastic crown-” “-WOULD IT KILL YOU TO THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE FOR ONCE?” Y/n yells, cutting off his sentence.

“Kim Sunoo! Y/N L/N! Why aren’t you two in class?” Mr Lee pokes his head out from his classroom, looking at the two with a scowl on his face. “And what is so important that you need to yell in the halls?” He continues. Y/n looks at the ground sheepishly, mumbling an apology. “I want to see the both of you in my classroom at the end of the day, now get to class.” Mr Lee scolds.

Sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with Kim Sunoo across from a visibly frustrated Mr Lee is not exactly how Y/n saw their afternoon going. Intak waits nervously outside the classroom, pressing his ear against the door in hopes to hear what his best friend is in trouble for now.

“It’s not just today’s stunt that I’m upset with. You two have a knack for… disturbing the peace whenever you’re together. And honestly, it’s doing my head in.” Mr Lee sighs. “Now we obviously don’t expect all of our students to get along perfectly, you’re human beings after all. But is it too much to ask for you both to be civil about it? Or at least wait to scream at each other after school hours?” He continues. “No offence sir, but I would rather jump in front of a moving bus than see Sunoo after school hours.” Y/n says, causing Sunoo to scoff. “It’s after school right now, dummy.” Sunoo rolls his eyes. Mr Lee sighs once again, sensing that an argument is about to start.

“This is what I mean. When I don’t get along with someone, I go out of my way not to see them. It seems you two go out of your way to fight.” Y/n and Sunoo both mumble out apologies. 

“I’ve been talking to some of your other teachers and we all agree that something should be done about this. So, we’ve decided to sign you up with the community centre down the street. They needed new volunteers and it’s the perfect opportunity for you two to put this weird feud to rest and make some real change. And, it’ll look good when applying for college, which is a nice bonus.”

Y/n and Sunoo look at Mr Lee as if he’s just told them the worst news imaginable. In some way, he has. “Look Mr Lee, I’m all for helping the community and all but can’t Intak and I do it?” Y/n asks, causing Sunoo to roll his eyes. “That defeats the whole purpose if you do it with him.” He scowls. “I don’t want to hear any fuss about this. It’ll be two days a week, after school Thursdays and Sundays. And if I hear that either of you are acting up I’ll have no choice but to strip away your senior benefits - which means no senior trip and no prom.”

If Y/n hated Mr Lee a minute ago, those words that just came out of his mouth made them love him again. Poor guy doesn’t know that he’s just given Y/n a great idea… Sunoo can’t run for prom king if he’s been kicked out of the whole event. All Y/n needs to do is find a way to get Sunoo in trouble at this community centre without getting themself involved.

THURSDAY - 15 DAYS TILL PROM:

Waiting outside the community centre in the scorching heat is not how Y/n planned to spend their afternoon. And with no sign of Sunoo, their anger starts to boil up - much like the temperature outside.

Just as they’re about to give up and tell Mr Lee that Sunoo was a no-show, a familiar car pulls up in the carpark and none other than Kim Sunoo steps out.

“You have some nerve. I’ve been waiting for like 10 minutes!” Y/n scowls, causing Sunoo to furrow his brows. “What time were we supposed to get here?” He asks. This only frustrates Y/n more. He doesn’t even respect them enough to value their time?

“God, you really are selfish. The email said 3:30.” Y/n pulls out their phone to back up their point with the email, only for their face to fall. “3:45 babe.” Sunoo smirks, watching as Y/n’s face heats up in embarrassment. They were sure it said 3:30. “Were you just so excited to see me that you came early?” He asks, making Y/n scoff - avoiding eye contact. “You wish! I was just… showing my dedication to… y’know, serving the community and… stuff.”

For the first time in what seems like forever, Y/n feels small under Sunoo’s gaze. They are so used to butting heads, always having a snarky remark or point to make. It seems that this interaction has somehow managed to knock Y/n off their pedestal - at least a little.

“I’m sure you standing out here has done so much for the community. Now, I don’t know about you but I’m gonna go inside.” Sunoo says, playfully ruffling Y/n’s hair before entering the building. Y/n scoffs out a few insults before fixing their hair and following suit.

Inside the building is a lot cooler than outside, the cold air conditioning a stark contrast to the outdoor heat. The two stand awkwardly in the front reception, watching as the person behind the desk talks on the phone.

“Wait, I’ve got people. Go complain to someone else.” The person says before abruptly hanging up, his irritated expression flipping to an almost scary smile. “Hi! How can I help you?” He asks. Sunoo nudges Y/n, who rolls their eyes before speaking up. “We’re here for the volunteer thing.” Y/n says, glancing down at the name tag that reads Minho - with a small cat face drawn next to it.

“Cool, what department?” He asks, typing something on his computer. “Uh… what?” Y/n asks, causing Minho to let out an exaggerated groan, spinning in his chair for added effect. “What department are you in? It’ll be on the sign up email.” He clarifies. Sunoo scrambles to check the email from Mr Lee, not seeing anything about a department. He shows Minho the email, causing his eyes to light up. “Oh! You’re the trouble kids?” He asks, turning his attention back to the computer momentarily. “I wouldn’t say that…” Y/n mumbles, causing Minho to laugh slightly. “It’s not a dig at character, trust me. Nothing wrong with a little rule breaking.” He winks. “Don’t tell your teachers I told you that.” He adds before standing.

“Looks like you’ll be doing a little bit of everything. I’ll throw you in with Seonghwa at first, that way you can come to me when you actually know what you’re doing.” Minho says, unlocking a backdoor before gesturing for the two to follow.

Minho leads them down a nicely lit hallway, pointing out different rooms and doors as they go. “Since we mainly do goods distribution here, we’re split into department’s so it’s easier to manage. You’ve got Seonghwa for kids - so that’s everything from toys, baby products, anything else children need. Then Beomgyu is in grocery. That’s just your basic food items. And then finally I’m on clothes and pet stuff.”

After his little introduction, he stops at a door before loudly knocking, causing Sunoo and Y/n to jump slightly. The door quickly opens and the head of a man who looks around Minho’s age pokes out. “Fresh meat.” Minho jokes, gesturing to the two students. “I told you to stop calling them that! And you wonder why people say you’re scary.” Seonghwa sighs, opening the door fully. “I’ll take it from here. You can go back to your phone call.” He continues.

Minho bids his goodbyes before walking back off down the hall. “Don’t let him scare you. He’s secretly a big softie.” Seonghwa says. “Anyway, I’m Seonghwa. I run the kids department here. I’m guessing you’re Y/n and Sunoo?” He asks, causing the two to nod silently.

Seonghwa looks at the two suspiciously. “Are you sure the school sent the right kids? Your teacher said you’re at each other’s throats 24/7.” He asks. “I’m sure Y/n will start something soon.” Sunoo mumbles, causing Y/n’s eye to twitch. They bite their tongue however, if they want this plan of getting Sunoo in trouble to work then they’ll have to make sure they’re on Seonghwa’s good side. “I’m sure we can put our differences aside for this. Especially since it’s helping the community.” Y/n says, causing Sunoo to roll his eyes at their words. “I hope so. It’s amazing what can happen to a bond when you do something like this. You should’ve seen Minho and Beomgyu when they first started.” Seonghwa says. “Right, I guess I’ll give you a tour of the department.” He continues before walking them down the hall to the storage room.

FRIDAY - 14 DAYS TILL PROM:

“And we barely even argued! Which is weird.” Y/n exclaims, after reciting their experience at the community centre. Intak hums, shoving some of his lunch in his mouth. “Maybe you two are finally getting along.” He says nonchalantly. “Oh please, I’ll never get along with someone like him.” Y/n scoffs, causing Intak to roll his eyes. 

“I still don’t get why you hate him so much. You guys are more similar than you think.” He points out, causing Y/n to gasp. “First of all, never say that to me again. And second of all, he made your childhood miserable! Of course I’d hate him.” Y/n states matter-of-factly. “I wouldn’t say he made it miserable. I’m already insufferable as it is, imagine how big my ego would be if I never lost anything! Plus, it’s not like he beat me on purpose. That’s just how stuff goes sometimes…” Intak rambles. The two lock eyes for a moment and for a second Intak thinks his little speech got through to Y/n. “I’m still gonna hate him.” Y/n shrugs, causing Intak to sigh.

SUNDAY - 12 DAYS TILL PROM:

By the time Sunday rolls around, the fact that Y/n will have to spend all day with Sunoo finally settles in. Sure, they’ll have loads of stuff to do to hopefully keep them busy, but that won’t change the fact that he’s there. His presence alone is enough to frustrate Y/n.

“Sunday’s are pretty busy since it’s the one of days we hand everything out. So we have both delivery trucks picking stuff up and individual people. I’ll probably keep you two on sorting for now, just so I don’t overwhelm you too much.” Seonghwa says, making Sunoo and Y/n nod. “We do grocery on a separate day from clothes, kids and pets because of the amount of stock. So Beomgyu will be wandering around if you need any help and can’t find me. He’s only a few years older than you guys so I think you will get along well. You can always ask other volunteers too if you’re stuck.” With that, Seonghwa dismisses the two.

“Why the hell would you do it that way?”

“Babe, Seonghwa literally said there’s more than one way to do it.”

“Stop calling me babe! And if he saw what you were doing, he’d change his mind.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

The sound of Y/n and Sunoo’s argument fills the sorting room. It all started with Sunoo deciding he was going to stack the lego boxes upright rather than laying them flat. His thinking being that it takes up less room and leaves space for other things. Y/n however, insists that laying them flat leaves plenty of room for things to go on top - as well as making the container easier to close. Both are technically correct, but that’s not an acceptable answer to them.

As the two continue to argue, Sunoo yanks the box of lego out of Y/n’s hands - causing it to fall, splitting open and scattering lego pieces all over the floor. “Oh you’re so fucked.” Y/n laughs, causing Sunoo to complain about how they started the argument.

“Who the hell is screaming in here?” A voice asks. The two turn around to see Beomgyu standing in the doorway, his eyes lighting up as he sees them. “Oh hey trouble. I should’ve guessed it was you two.” He says, his gaze then falls to the lego all over the floor. “Oh shit.”

Sunoo and Y/n quickly try to pass the blame onto each other, causing Beomgyu to wave them off. “No offence, but I don’t give a shit who started it. Let’s just pick it all up before someone stands on it. Stepping on lego might as well be a torture method.” He says, crouching down to grab the broken box.

He notices the quiet atmosphere in the room and awkwardly laughs. “Don’t get scared now, this kinda stuff happens sometimes. If it makes you feel any better, Seonghwa takes home the faulty ones to add to his collection.” He says. The thought of Seonghwa at home surrounded by lego sets makes Y/n and Sunoo laugh slightly.

“Just… try not to do this sort of stuff when you’re in my department, okay? Spilled lego is a lot easier to handle than food.” The two nod as Beomgyu places the box on the counter. “Well, I’ll leave you two to it, then. Maybe try to be a little… quieter with the next argument.” He winks before leaving the room.

MONDAY - 11 DAYS TILL PROM:

“So… how was Sunday?” Yuna teases, causing Sunoo to look at her with an unimpressed expression. “Oh shut up.” He mumbles, causing her to stifle a laugh.

“I just feel bad for Y/n.” Kazuha says. “Being forced to spend time with Sunoo would be hell for anyone, but especially them.” Sunoo rolls his eyes at his friend, flipping her off before turning his attention back to his food. “Zuha’s right, you’re gonna drive them insane.” Yuna says. “Hey! They do the same to me!” Sunoo complains, causing Yuna to roll her eyes. “Well yeah, but they do it because they actually don’t like you. You do it because you’re trying to live out some weird enemies to lovers fanfic trope.” She points out. “True, not sure why you thought that would work.” Kazuha jumps in. “We get it, I’m a dumb guy who doesn’t know how to communicate my feelings. You’ve said this all before.” Sunoo dismisses.

“Just saying… maybe if you, I don’t know… spoke to them like normal people do to their crush.” Yuna shrugs. “Cause that works out so great for you two.” Sunoo deadpans. “You’re bitter because you know we’re right.” Kazuha teases, causing Sunoo to roll his eyes again.

TUESDAY - 10 DAYS TILL PROM:

Speak to them like a normal person. The thought has been running through Sunoo’s mind ever since lunch yesterday. Given the nature of his and Y/n’s relationship (if you could even call it that), he never even considered talking to them normally to be an option. But as he spots them walking down the hallway as school comes to an end, he figures what better time to start than now?

“Y/n!” Sunoo calls out, jogging through the halls to catch up to them. “Go away.” Y/n replies. “Oh come on babe, would it kill you to give me two seconds of your attention?” Sunoo asks, grabbing Y/n’s wrist. “Let go of me.” Y/n snarls, despite making no effort to pull away. Sunoo chooses to ignore their request, opting to teasingly pull them closer. “I wanna show you something.” He smirks, causing Y/n to roll their eyes. They quickly pull their arm out of his grip, folding their arms securely across their chest. “Well make it quick, I’m going to watch Intak’s practice.” Y/n mumbles.

Sunoo rolls his eyes at the mention of Intak but chooses not to comment. “One of my neighbours was talking to my mum about a care package she got. Apparently she’s signed up with the community centre. My mum sent me a photo.” Sunoo says, grabbing his phone and showing the picture to Y/n.

On his phone, is a picture of one of the boxes they packed on Sunday. This one is one of Y/n’s (you can tell from the way the lego box is placed). Y/n’s eyes light up at the photo, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Sunoo. “She said her sons were super excited when it arrived. They made the lego set together almost immediately.” He says, swiping to show a photo of the completed lego set.

“Oh my god! That’s so cool!” Y/n exclaims, leaning closer to get a better view of the photo. Sunoo attempts to ignore the way his heart skips at the gentle pressure of Y/n’s shoulder brushing against his. “I know right? Obviously it’s nice to make a difference but… actually seeing it is just… it’s awesome.” Sunoo says, causing Y/n to nod enthusiastically.

It goes silent for a second as Y/n suddenly notices how far they were leaning into him, immediately stepping back. Sunoo can almost see the invisible wall being built between them as Y/n puts their guard back up - the sight causing Sunoo to frown slightly. “I uh… thanks for showing me that. I’ll see you on Thursday.” Y/n mumbles awkwardly before walking off down the hall.

THURSDAY - 8 DAYS TILL PROM:

With prom just over a week away, Y/n can feel their plans of getting Sunoo kicked out slowly start to slip through their fingers. Turns out, trying to get Sunoo in trouble whilst staying out of trouble themself is a difficult task. It’s not like they can just start an argument like usual, and Sunoo’s unfortunately not the type of person to easily fall for sabotage.

“Hey trouble!” Minho exclaims as the two walk into the community centre. “Are you ever gonna stop calling us that?” Sunoo asks, causing Minho to laugh at the slight pout on his lips. “Stop breaking Lego sets and maybe I will.” He teases. The two teens visibly tense at his words, causing Minho to only laugh harder. “I’m just messing with you, shit happens. But do that in my department and neither of you will reach adulthood.”

He’s joking. It’s a joke. But the downright evil smirk on his lips almost makes it seem like it’s not…

“Anyway, this week is your last week in the kid’s section so try to make the most of it. We’ll rotate you every two weeks so you get used to all of the departments, then you can pick which one to volunteer in for the rest of the program.” Minho explains. “Oh! And before I forget!” He adds, aggressively wheeling his chair towards a cabinet - pulling something out of one of the drawers before wheeling back to the two.

“Your very own name badges! I didn’t draw anything on them since we don’t know what departments you’ll be in but we can always add to them later.” Minho says, handing a name badge to each of the students. “The drawing is for the different departments? I just thought you really liked cats.” Sunoo shrugged. “While that’s also true, they have a professional meaning too. Cat because I run the pet department.” Minho states. “But don’t you also run the clothes department?” Y/n asks, causing Minho to sigh. “That’s just temporary. Used to be run by this dude called Jay but he… took an early flight. If you get what I mean.”

“He means an actual flight.” A voice interrupts the conversation. The three turn around to see Seonghwa standing in the doorway. “Jay went back to America to be with his family. You really need to stop telling people he died, dude.” Seonghwa clarifies, earning an eye roll from Minho. “He’s dead to me.” Minho mumbles, causing Seonghwa to scoff. “Anyway, I’ll get these two out of your hair. That lady from Goodwill is supposed to be dropping stuff off in an hour so try not to ignore her when she gets here.” Seonghwa says. Minho waves him off nonchalantly before going back to whatever it is he does on his computer.

As the three walk back towards the storage area, Sunoo takes note of the little drawing of a lego block on Seonghwa’s name tag. He nudges Y/n gently - subtly pointing it out to them, earning a gentle smile and quiet giggle in return.

“Since you’ve already mastered packing boxes, I figure I’d let you unload and organize today. All these boxes came from a delivery truck yesterday. You’ve just got to unpack them and put them on the right shelves. Easy?” Seonghwa asks, earning affirmed nods from the two. “Great, if the three of us work hard it should only take us an hour or two. Then we can go over some stock checks and maybe do some more packing if there’s time.”

There's not a lot to argue about when you're busy working. Especially when the two are working with Seonghwa - someone they absolutely don't want to annoy. But it's a weird feeling for Y/n, practically spending hours on end with Sunoo yet not even muttering an insult.

“Okay, that’s us.” Seonghwa announces suddenly, causing the two students to look up at him confused. “But we still have a few orders to pack?” Y/n questions, causing Seonghwa to wave them off. “I’ll finish these later - we get in trouble for keeping you after hours.”

The two collect their things and go to leave but get stopped by Minho and Beomgyu, who are chatting about something in the reception area. “Woah woah, where are you two running off to?” Minho asks. “Uh… home?” Y/n asks, causing Minho to narrow his eyes at them. “You got a ride?” He asks accusingly. “I drove.” Sunoo nods, before the attention shifts to Y/n. “Oh, uh I caught the bus.” Y/n admits. Minho sighs at their words, rummaging through one of his desk draws before pulling out a set of keys.

“Beomgyu will drop you off.” He says, placing the keys in Beomgyu’s hands. “Have you seen the state my department is in? I don’t have time to play uber driver.” Beomgyu argues. “So you’d prefer our little Y/n here to catch the bus at this time of night?” Minho argues. “Why don’t you drop them off?” Beomgyu asks, placing the keys back in Minho’s hand. “I’ve got a very important business call and Seonghwa will kick my ass if I miss it.” Minho shrugs.

“Well, I’m sure Sunoo can drop them off.” Beomgyu suggests, turning his attention back to Sunoo. “Uh… I guess I could-” “-Really, it’s fine. It’s only like a 10 minute bus ride.” Y/n clarifies,  earning a death glare from both Minho and Beomgyu. 

“Y/n, if you get on that bus and get kidnapped and murdered, I will personally study witchcraft and bring you back to life just to kill you again myself.” Y/n’s eyes widen at Minho’s words, causing Beomgyu to awkwardly chuckle. “What he means is, we don’t feel comfortable with you taking the bus alone and strongly advise you to get a ride with Sunoo.” Beomgyu reasons.

The thought of spending any amount of time alone with Sunoo makes Y/n want to pull the hair out of their scalp. But they suppose it is better than potentially getting kidnapped. And Minho and Beomgyu don’t seem like the type of people to budge on this sort of thing. So Y/n reluctantly agrees, and Minho makes sure to walk the two to the carpark and personally watch them drive away - for extra precautions.

The car ride is silent and awkward. Despite the lack of arguing that has been going on between the two, it is blatantly obvious that there is still a massive wall placed between them.

Sunoo doesn’t know what to do to break the tension. Does he just let the two sit in silence? Does he try to talk about his day? Does he turn the radio on? Deciding a conversation is probably the best way to go, he lets out a shaky breath before mumbling:

“So, how are you liking the community centre?”

With the silence that follows his words, he almost thinks that Y/n didn’t hear him. Either that, or they hate him so much that they’d rather ignore him than have one conversation. Considering it’s dead silent, the latter unfortunately seems like the more likely option. Sunoo’s thoughts however, are cut short when Y/n replies:

“It’s more fun than I thought it would be… and the guys are really nice.” Sunoo nods at their words, letting out a small hum of agreement. “I was a little scared of Minho at first.” He admits, his attempt at potentially lightening the mood successfully landing, as Y/n lets out a small, breathy laugh.

"Yeah… I don't think I've heard someone affectionately threaten murder so much before." Y/n jokes. They're still turned away from Sunoo, opting to stare out the window in order to avoid looking at him. But at least they're joking now. It's progress.

"What happened to your car, by the way?" Sunoo asks curiously. Y/n sends him a confused look, causing him to elaborate. "I mean… don't you usually drive Intak to school everyday? Why didn't you drive here?"

Y/n let's out a scoff, looking back out the window. "The idiot tried to cook a pizza on the dashboard. Some bullshit about it being the hottest day of the year. He saw it on tiktok." Sunoo's face scrunches up, mumbling a small ew. "Apparently it'll take a while to clean, too. I think melted cheese got into the radio or something." Y/n shrugs.

"Does that mean you'll need a ride on Sunday too?" Sunoo asks without thinking. He internally face-palms as Y/n visibly tenses up at his words. God, why does he have to be so stupid?

"Uh… Intak should be free on Sunday…" Y/n mumbles. Sunoo has to stop himself from rolling his eyes. A habit, he likes to claim - opting to ignore the tiny amount of jealousy boiling in the pit of his stomach at the mention of the other man's name. Of course Intak would be the one to take them. The two are practically joined at the hip.

The car is silent for the rest of the drive, with the two only mumbling short goodbyes as Sunoo pulls up to Y/n's house. He chooses to stay, watching as they walk up the driveway and into the building. Y/n doesn't look back.

SUNDAY - 5 DAYS TILL PROM:

“Oh, how's the plan going?” Intak asks suddenly, as he pulls into the community centre parking lot. "Huh?" Y/n asks confused - causing Intak to deadpan at them. "Your whole thing of getting Sunoo to drop out of being prom king. It's on Friday." He clarifies.

Oh right. That plan. Y/n honestly forgot all about it, especially after the awkward interaction they had in Sunoo's car on Thursday.

"I haven't made much progress." Y/n sighs. "Because you're making progress in other areas?" Intak asks, a small smirk spreading across his face. "Don't think I haven't noticed the tension at school, and different from the old tension." He adds, earning an eye roll from Y/n. "I think you need to get your eyes checked." Y/n retorts, ruffling Intak's hair before grabbing their stuff and getting out of the car.

"You're picking me up tonight, right?" Y/n asks. "No, I'm gonna abandon you." Intak deadpans. Y/n gives him an annoyed look, making him laugh. "I'll text you when I get here." He says, causing Y/n to wave him off. "No need, I can spot your shitty car from a mile away." Intak goes to reply but Y/n shuts the car door- making sure to slam it for added effect.

As Intak goes to drive off, he winds down his window. "Have a fun day at work my Pookie Pie!! I love you." He calls, blowing a dramatic kiss to add some flare. Y/n rolls their eyes, flipping him off before entering the building.

Sunoo is already there, signing in at the front desk with Minho and Seonghwa. "I didn't know you had a boyfriend, Y/n." Seonghwa says, earning a scoff from Sunoo. "Yeah, a shitty one. Where was he the other night?" Minho grumbles. "He was busy with soccer practice. And uh… he's not my boyfriend." Y/n says, awkwardly scratching the back of their neck. "Might as well be." Sunoo mumbles bitterly, his comment not going unnoticed by Minho and Seonghwa, who both mumble short apologies for the mistake.

The two share a knowing look before Seonghwa claps his hands, gaining the attention of the two teens. "Right, since today is your last day in my department we'll just focus on practising what you already know. And later on, Beomgyu will give you a tour of his department so you can get straight into things next week."

Minho watches as Seonghwa gets the two to work, immediately going to find Beomgyu and explain to him what the heck just happened.

There is something wrong with Sunoo - that much is clear. He and Y/n aren’t friends of course, but there hasn’t been this much tension between the two since they started volunteering. Y/n doesn’t understand what went wrong?

As Sunoo ignores their question for the umpteenth time, Y/n finally feels themself snap. They grab the box of toys out of his hand, shoving it back on the shelf before crossing their arms across their chest - effectively cornering him in the storage room.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Y/n whisper-yells, not wanting to gain the attention of Seonghwa. “What’s wrong with me? You just ripped a box out of my hands?” Sunoo rolls his eyes. “Because you’re ignoring me!”

It’s stupid, Y/n knows. They’ve spent their entire high school career wishing for the day that Sunoo would start ignoring them. But now that it’s here, they hate it.

“And why do you care? We aren’t friends, Y/n. Even if I try to talk to you, you just go right back to running off with Intak every chance you get.”

And then it clicks. Everything always goes back to Intak.

“Oh my god, Sunoo. This is all about Intak? He’s my best friend, dumbass. And your stupid grudge with him doesn’t change that.” Y/n is fuming, and their volume is no longer at the front of their mind. Sunoo scoffs, pushing past Y/n and picking up the box once again. “I think you’re the dumbass, Y/n. Because everyone but you can tell that you and Intak are not best friends.”

Before he can get back to work however, Y/n catches up and shoves his shoulder - causing the box of toys to fall to the floor. “You’re a fucking hypocrite, you know that?” Y/n scowls, earning another eye roll from Sunoo. “I’m not the one in love with my best friend.” “People can be just friends, Sunoo! You of all people should know that!”

Y/n knows they are yelling, but they don't really care. In fact, they hope that the entire building can hear every word they’re saying; maybe then Sunoo will understand how ridiculous he is being. Even if they were in love with Intak, which is so far from the truth, what the hell does it matter to Kim Sunoo?

“No one says shit about you and Kazuha. Or you and Yuna. How is this any different? Do you get like this when they talk to other people, or am I just special?”

Of course you’re special Sunoo wants to scream. But he holds back - knowing better than to dump all his emotions onto Y/n. Especially now that they’re this worked up.

“Are you two finished?” A calm voice breaks through the tension, and both teens snap their heads to look at the figure. Seonghwa stands leaning against the doorway, his face expressionless as he looks at the two.

It’s as if they’d seen a ghost, and Seonghwa has to hold back his laugh at this. Remembering that he is, in fact the grown up in this situation - he takes a deep breath before ushering towards his office. “Come on, let’s all have a little chat, shall we?”

Seonghwa is scary when he’s mad. Minho and Beomgyu would be too, if they weren’t spending their time trying to hold back their giggles. They can’t help it though - not with Y/n and Sunoo sitting there like two children being scolded by their parents.

“I have tried my best to not… interfere with the relationship between you two. Simply because it is none of my business. But when you are in our building, you must obey our standards, and whatever that was back there is certainly not the type of behaviour we like to see.” Seonghwa states, his voice clear and stern. “Isn’t that right, guys?” He adds, turning to the other two adults in the room - who clearly were not paying attention.

“Uh… yeah.” Beomgyu replies, his voice cracking slightly. This finally sets Minho off, his fit of laughter soon turning into a safety hazard as he begins to choke on his own saliva. Seonghwa can’t help the sigh that escapes his lips, watching in mild disappointment as Beomgyu pats Minho’s back in an attempt to help clear his throat.

“Anyway, we think it will be best to separate the two of you for a little bit, until the hostility goes down. Sunoo, you’ll spend the rest of the day with Minho and Y/n, you’re with Beomgyu. I’ll continue where you left off in kids.” Seonghwa says.

“Wait, so you can’t deal with them so you just pass them onto us?” Beomgyu asks, offended. “Be grateful you’re not getting both of them.” Minho rolls his eyes, letting out a yelp as Beomgyu pinches his side.

It’s weird to see them talk so openly about the two, as if they aren’t sitting in the very same room. Y/n can’t bring themself to look away from Seonghwa, a strong sense of guilt building up in the pit of their stomach. He looks stressed, and Y/n can’t shake the feeling that they’re a major factor.

“Well… is there anything you two would like to say before I send you off?” Seonghwa asks, the attention in the room turning back towards the two teens. Y/n gulps under the gaze, glancing at Sunoo from the corner of their eye - who is avoiding eye contact all together. The two mumble quiet apologies, which almost go unnoticed by the others. Seonghwa sighs once more, gesturing for everyone to leave his office.

MONDAY - 4 DAYS TILL PROM:

“You look like someone died.” Kazuha states, dropping her food tray on the table and effectively snapping Sunoo out of his thoughts. “His relationship with Y/n did.” Yuna snickers, letting out a shriek as Sunoo’s empty milk carton flies towards her head. “Resorting to violence, now? No wonder Y/n doesn’t like you.” Yuna teases, throwing the milk carton back towards him.

“Wait, what happened with Y/n?” Kazuha asks. Sunoo sighs in response, picking at his food. “Nothing, I just fucked everything up… like always.” The response earns some eye rolls from the girls. “Stop acting like a pick me and explain what happened. Or I’ll go ask Y/n myself.” Kazuha threatens, although her words are all bluff.

Sunoo lets out another sigh, deciding there’s no use trying to argue with his friends. “I got jealous of Intak and said some… things. Y/n got mad, for obvious reasons and now we’re not talking.” He doesn’t even need to look up at his friends to tell that they are rolling their eyes at him.

“You are one of the dumbest people alive.” Yuna scoffs. “I know.” Sunoo whines, resting his head in his hands. “What did you actually say to Y/n?” Kazuha sighs, mentally putting on her couples counsellor hat. Sunoo hesitates, knowing he’s about to get ripped into by the girls. “I said that there’s no point in us being friends if they’re just going to run off with Intak every chance they get… and that it’s obvious their relationship is more than that.”

The table is silent for a few moments as Sunoo’s words set in. “You are the reason I hate men.” Yuna groans. “No literally, do you realise how hypocritical that is?” Kazuha asks. “Obviously but I was angry and just said whatever came to mind.” Sunoo frowns.

The girls give each other a look before turning back to Sunoo, who continues to wallow in his self-pity. Sighing, Kazuha moves to sit next to him, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Maybe it’s time to be honest and tell Y/n how you really feel about them.” She says, causing Sunoo’s head to shoot up from it’s position on the table. “Be honest?” He asks with wide eyes. “Yes, Sunoo. If you tell Y/n that you said that because you were jealous and you like them then maybe they’ll actually give you a shot. It’s a much better plan than whatever the hell you’ve been doing this entire time.” Yuna points out. “And if they reject you, at least you tried.” Kazuha attempts to reassure, only to be met with glares from her two friends. “Way to boost my confidence.” Sunoo mumbles, picking up a spoonful of his lunch.

THURSDAY - 1 DAY TILL PROM:

“So… I heard you’ve got prom tomorrow?” Beomgyu asks, trying to break the ice. He hasn’t been alone with Y/n before so he’s not entirely sure what to say. Judging by Y/n’s groan at his words - he definitely said the wrong thing.

“Not looking forward to it?” He adds. “Since Sunoo will be there, no, I’m not.” Y/n mumbles, trying to turn their attention to the box of cans they are currently unpacking. They have nothing against Beomgyu, he’s sweet and all but god, does he not know how to take a hint. 

“What happened between you two, by the way? I know you never got along but something must’ve happened to cause such a fight.” Beomgyu pries. “I really don’t want to talk about this right now.” Y/n sighs. Being met with silence, they think that Beomgyu has finally given up. Until he speaks again:

“You know, I heard that hating someone uses almost as much passion as loving them.”

This causes Y/n to choke on the air in their lungs, looking at Beomgyu with wide eyes. “I’m not lying! Hate sex is apparently really good… not that I would know, of course.” Y/n chooses not to pry at Beomgyu’s blatant confession and instead raises an eyebrow at him. “Are you really recommending hate sex to a highschooler?” They ask, causing Beomgyu to wave them off nonchalantly. “It’s an example, Y/nnie. I’m just saying that hate can be a confusing emotion. Sometimes you think you hate someone, when really you like them and just don’t know how to express it.” “That sounds pretty toxic.” Beomgyu waves them off again. “Just trust me. I know a lot about this stuff.”

“So… how are things going with Y/n?” Minho asks, his sudden words causing Sunoo to look at him with wide eyes. “I… huh?” Sunoo asks, confused. Minho rolls his eyes at this. “I’m not an idiot, I see the way you look at them. And judging by the way they treat you, they do not feel the same. So what’s the plan?”

Sunoo is overwhelmed by the sudden topic. “Uh… give up and go home?” He mumbles. This was not the answer that Minho wanted, judging by the look on his face. “I would slap you right now if Seonghwa wouldn’t fire me for it.” Minho threatens. “Listen, as someone who is basically an expert at this whole hate to love thing - I’m going to give you some advice.” He continues, placing a hand on Sunoo’s shoulder. 

“You need to be obvious enough with the flirting that they can pick up on it but subtle enough that they think you’re just trying to annoy them. Then, when the tension gets high enough, you go full on flirt-mode. Catch them by surprise and reveal your feelings while their guard is down. And if you’re too scared to talk, just kiss them. Works like a charm.”

Sunoo looks at him skeptically, causing Minho to roll his eyes. “You think I’m joking? Beomgyu would tell you the same thing.” His words are very clearly alluding to something but Sunoo chooses to ignore them. “What if they just end up hating me even more?” He asks - his words causing Minho to let out an annoyed groan. “Then you suck it up and move on. If you open up about your feelings and they don’t accept it, then they’re not the right person for you. Was I this clueless when I was a teenager?” Noticing Sunoo’s hesitation, Minho continues. “Look, you’re a nice guy and you seem to really care about Y/n. I’m sure they only hate you because of some petty bullshit and not because you’re a terrible person. Have confidence in yourself!”

Sunoo nods affirmingly at Minho’s words. Have confidence in yourself.

FRIDAY - PROM NIGHT:

“Can I look yet?”

“No.”

“How about now?”

“Still no.”

“...”

“Intak, I swear to god, if you open your damn eyes…”

“I won’t!”

Y/n rolls their eyes at their best friend, looking themself over once more in the mirror. Once they’re happy with the completed outfit, they turn towards Intak - who’s stood in the middle of their bedroom with his hands covering his eyes.

“Okay… you can look now.”

As soon as the words leave Y/n’s lips, Intak’s hands are flying away from his face. His eyes fall on Y/n’s outfit as they stand awkwardly in front of him. “Woah… is it wrong for me to say you look hot?” Intak laughs, letting out a scream when Y/n hits his shoulder. “Hey! Don’t crinkle the suit!” He whines, earning an eye roll from Y/n. “Then don’t say cringy shit.”

“I’m serious though, you look great. Everyone’s gonna go crazy when they see you.” Intak compliments, causing Y/n to scoff. “Yeah, right. If I look so good, why am I taking you as my date?” Intak frowns at this. “You’re the one who turned down my idea of you and Sunoo going together.” He points out. “Yeah, cause that would literally be considered a form of torture.” Now it’s Intak’s turn to roll his eyes at Y/n’s exaggeration. “You’re just pissed that you guys fought. It would’ve been a great way to make up, you know?”

“Can we not talk about Sunoo right now?” Y/n asks, almost desperately. Intak narrows his eyes for a moment before sighing. “Fine. But as soon as this thing is over, you’re explaining what the hell happened with you two.”

Prom - the supposed “best night” of a high schooler’s life. The glitz and the glam. Food, drinks, music. It’s everything a teenager could wish for.

As Y/n and Intak walk into the school gym, they look around in awe at the decor. “You know, this turned out a lot better than I expected.” Y/n comments, causing Intak to nod in agreement. “I know, right? It barely smells like feet in here.” He jokes, letting out a pained noise when Y/n jabs him in the side. “So… are we going to the dancefloor first or the snack table?” Intak asks, causing Y/n to look at him with a blank expression. “Snack table it is.” He adds, laughing as Y/n aggressively pulls him towards the assortment of foods.

“I’m just gonna head to the bathroom!” Y/n mumbles, their voice slightly muffled due to the music. Intak sends them a thumbs up, letting them know he got the message. After a few moments, Intak feels a sudden presence behind him and turns around to see Sunoo standing there.

“Looking for Y/n?” He asks, causing Sunoo’s eyes to widen slightly. “Uh… yeah. I thought they’d be with you.” He mumbles. “Bathroom.” Intak shrugs, earning a slight nod from Sunoo. Intak gestures for him to take a seat and Sunoo hesitates for a moment before sitting down.

“How did you know I was looking for Y/n?” Sunoo asks, causing Intak to shrug. “Well, you weren’t coming to hang out with me.” He jokes, earning an awkward laugh from Sunoo. “Are you still upset about… you know?” Sunoo asks. “Oh, god no. I got over that like, freshman year.” Intak says, waving him off. “Oh. Okay, well… I feel like I should apologise anyway. I wasn’t like… trying to compete with you or anything.” Sunoo says, causing Intak to laugh. “It’s all good, like I said, I forgave you ages ago. Y/n on the other hand…” Intak trails off, causing Sunoo’s eyes to widen.

Everything finally seems to fall into place. Y/n hates Sunoo because of what happened with him and Intak? He supposes it does make sense; they are best friends after all. But if Intak is over it, then why isn’t Y/n?

“Can I be honest about something?” Sunoo asks, causing Intak to look at him confused. “As long as you don’t confess your undying love for me. You’re cute but not really my type.” He jokes, making Sunoo laugh so hard he almost falls out of his chair. “Trust me, you’re not my type either.” He responds, causing Intak to scoff in feigned offence. “You know what? Maybe I do still hate you.” Intak pouts. He keeps the act up for a few moments before returning back to his smiley self, gesturing for Sunoo to go on.

“This is gonna sound really weird but… whenever I see you and Y/n, I can’t help but feel jealous. Like, you guys are so in tune with each other and… you’re close with them in a way that I can only dream of. I don’t know… guess it made me unknowingly hate you which probably added to why Y/n hates me.” Sunoo rants. Intak’s face doesn’t give much away, as he stares forward with furrowed brows. For a moment, Sunoo thinks he’s said something wrong.

“Y/n’s a complicated person. They like it when people are open and honest, but hate being open and honest themself. They’re also super stubborn… you probably already know that. They hate admitting when they’re wrong but really admire it when others do.” Intak says. Sunoo looks at him confused, not entirely sure what he’s trying to say. 

“Y/n’s basically a hypocrite, who looks for people that do and say the things they refuse to. That’s why we’re so close, we balance each other out. You, however, are more like Y/n, which is why I think you guys butt heads. You both want to be more open but your stubbornness gets in the way and you argue. I think that’s the difference between me with Y/n and you with Y/n.” Intak points out.

Sunoo’s face screws up at Intak’s words as he lets out a dry laugh. “Doesn’t sound like me and Y/n are a good match, then.” He mumbles. “I think you can understand Y/n a lot better than I do. Sometimes they do things and I just don’t get why. But if you and Y/n are going to be friends… or more, one of you will have to adjust a little. And judging by this conversation we’re having, it looks like you’re trying to.” Intak says, a genuine smile on his lips.

Sunoo is in awe. He’s never felt so called out yet reassured at the same time. “Where the hell did you learn to give advice like that?” He asks, shocked. Intak laughs slightly, scratching the back of his neck. “I watch a lot of couples therapy programs. It’s a guilty pleasure.” He mumbles. Just as Sunoo is about to ask what shows, the two are interrupted by Intak’s phone going off. He looks at the screen to see Y/n calling, immediately answering and putting them on speaker.

“Intak! You have to come outside and see this dog. It’s wearing a little bow tie!” Y/n exclaims, happily. “Outside? I thought you were in the bathroom?” Intak asks. “I move quickly. Now hurry up!” Y/n ushers, continuing to rave on about the dog as Intak waves goodbye to Sunoo.

“Ladies and gentlemen, if we could have you all to the dance floor to announce this year’s Prom King and Queen.”

Y/n is probably feeling more nervous than Intak - judging by the way they’re squeezing his hand. “I think you’re gonna break my knuckles.” Intak leans down to whisper, causing Y/n to roll their eyes. “Shut up.” They whisper back.

Has the principal's intro speech always been this long? No one asked about how proud you are of all the contestants, they just want to hear who won. After what feels like literal hours of talking, the drumroll begins to play throughout the gym.

“And the winner of Be Lift High’s Prom King is…”

.

.

.

.

.

“Hwang Intak!”

Y/n is probably more excited than Intak, too - judging by the way they practically scream in his ear. Intak grins widely as Y/n shakes him back and forth, receiving a few pats on the back and whoops from the crowd around them. Snapping out of his shock, Intak gently pulls away from Y/n’s grip and walks up to the stage to be crowned.

Despite Intak walking away, Y/n immediately feels another presence beside them. They turn to see Sunoo standing there, watching fondly as Intak accepts the crown. Y/n attempts to ignore him, turning their attention back to Intak. Despite this, Sunoo had already felt Y/n’s eyes on him and gently nudges their side to get their attention.

“He looks really happy.” Sunoo points out. His statement earns an eye roll from Y/n, who immediately turns to him with a smirk. “Jealous you didn’t win?” They asks snarkily, causing Sunoo to laugh slightly. It’s not the sarcastic laugh he usually does around Y/n. It’s a small, genuine laugh. “No, he deserves it.” Sunoo smiles before turning his attention back to the stage, where Intak is about to start his acceptance speech.

The smirk on Yn’s face immediately drops as they take in Sunoo’s words. Sure, he doesn’t have to be jealous… but Y/n at least expected a snarky comeback. Why is he smiling like he and Intak are friends?

“You look really good by the way.” Sunoo says, not taking his eyes off the stage. Y/n immediately scans his face for any signs of sarcasm or teasing. None. Awkwardly coughing, Y/n turns away from Sunoo and back towards the stage. They mumble a quiet shut up but the subtle blush that spreads across their cheeks shows they didn’t hate the compliment.

“And we’ll now announce Be Lift High’s Prom Queen…. Nakamura Kazuha!”

“Fuck yeah!” Yuna screams, immediately covering her mouth when she realised the rest of the crowd hadn’t started yet. She mumbles a few apologies before pushing Kazuha towards the stage.

With Kazuha now joining Intak on the stage, Yuna squeezes herself between Sunoo and Y/n - slinging her arms around both of their shoulders. “Do you think anyone heard me swear?” She jokes, causing Sunoo and Y/n to laugh. “Judging by the way Mr Kim is currently glaring into our souls, I’d say yeah.” Sunoo says.

The trio watch in amusement as Intak shuffles aside for Kazuha to give her speech, her sending him an awkward yet genuine smile. “They’re kinda cute, don’t you think?” Yuna asks, causing Y/n to scoff. “Oh please, she’s way too good for him.” They laugh. “I don’t know, Zuha’s taste in guys is…” Sunoo trails off. “Questionable.” Yuna finishes for him. Y/n shoots the two a confused look but chooses not to ask further questions.

“So, what were you and Sunoo talking about when I was on stage?” Intak asks as he and Y/n slow dance together. “Oh god, don’t remind me. Weirdest conversation we’ve ever had.” Y/n rolls their eyes, causing Intak’s to lighten up with interest. “Come on, spill the tea.” He says, laughing as Y/n physically cringes at his choice of words.

“I don’t know, it was just weird. Like, he was saying how you deserved to win and when I tried to tease him about it, he just didn’t react. And then he said I looked good… without being sarcastic!” Y/n rants, earning an eye roll from Intak. “You call that a weird conversation?” He asks. “Well yeah, it is for people who hate each other.” Y/n huffs.

“Y/n… you don’t seriously think Sunoo hates you, do you?” Intak’s question causes Y/n to look up at him, a confused expression painted across their face. “Uh… have you seen the way he acts around me? We’re like… constantly at each other’s throats.” Y/n points out. “Yeah, and who starts almost all of those arguments?” Intak asks.

Y/n falls silent for a moment as they think back to all their arguments with Sunoo. Sure… they’re often the one that takes it from teasing to yelling but… that doesn’t make Sunoo completely innocent.

“I think you should apologise to him.” Y/n’s eyes practically fall out of their skull as the words slip past Intak’s lips. “I think that’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said.” Intak raises a brow at Y/n, almost in a challenging way. “Y/n… you know how much I love you but as your best friend, it’s my job to tell you when you’re being stupid… and this whole beef you’ve got with Sunoo is stupid… maybe if you start seeing him as a person rather than as some annoyance in your life, you’ll start to recognise that.” Intak says, finally, before dropping the topic.

Y/n pouts slightly as they mull over Intak’s words over and over again… he’s right. Y/n hates it when he’s right.

THURSDAY - 6 DAYS AFTER PROM:

I think you should apologise to him.

Those words have been repeating in Y/n’s brain all week. It’s very rare for a piece of Intak’s advice to stick with them for this long - usually he just says a few quotes he stole from Twitter and hopes it does the trick. It doesn’t. 

Walking into the community centre, Y/n is surprised to see an unknown man sitting behind the desk instead of the usual Minho. As soon as he hears the door open, the man looks up and sends a small smile to Y/n.

“Uh… hi?” Y/n asks, walking up to the desk, puzzled. “Hey. You’re one of the volunteers, right? Y/n?” The man asks, causing Y/n to nod quietly. Their eyes quickly flicker down to his nametag - reading the name Jay along with a small drawing of some shoes. Jay? As in, the guy who used to work here?

“I thought you were in America?” Y/n asks, causing Jay’s eyes to widen slightly. “Oh… I was, yeah. But now I’m back.” He shrugs, passing Y/n the name tag box. Their eyebrows furrow slightly when they see that both Minho and Beomgyu’s name tags are still there. Just as they’re about to ask, they get interrupted by the door opening.

“Sorry I’m late, the coach tried to have an extra cheer practice.” Sunoo says as he walks into the building. He stops in his tracks when he spots Jay behind the desk. “Who are you?” He asks, bluntly. “Jay, and you must be Sunoo.” Jay says. Sunoo glances at Y/n, as if to ask what is happening. Y/n just offers a confused shrug back.

“Okay, as you can probably tell, I’m not Minho. Something happened and he had to take the day off which means, obviously, Beomgyu had too as well.” Jay says. Y/n and Sunoo aren’t sure why that’s obvious but they choose not to question it. “Because we’re down two people, things are going to look a bit different today. We can’t have you both in departments by yourself because, no offence but you’re not fully trusted to be left alone yet. Seonghwa’s still in kids, but he’ll also be checking on you two in grocery. I’ll take care of clothes and pets myself.” Jay says, earning affirmative nods from Sunoo and Y/n. “Cool, Beomgyu should’ve left you a note of what he wants done today but if you need any help, just ask me or Seonghwa.”

Beomgyu’s “note” turned out to be the computer password so they could access todays food pack orders along with the words “fuck things up and I’ll kill you” scribbled at the bottom. Not extremely helpful but Y/n expected nothing less.

“So we just… put the stuff on the list in a box?” Sunoo asks, making Y/n realise that he hasn’t actually worked in grocery yet. “Oh… yeah. We print off the order ticket, grab everything that's on it and put them in a box, stick the ticket on the top and then tick the packed button on the computer… it’s pretty simple once you get the hang of it, and everything’s labelled so you shouldn’t have any trouble.” Y/n rambles, quickly demonstrating how things work.

The two quickly get to work, in complete silence. It’s a little awkward. This is the first time Y/n has actually seen Sunoo since prom, other than quickly passing each other in the halls, and the first time that they’ve worked with him in the community centre since their fight.

I think you should apologise to him.

Groaning slightly, Y/n turns their attention back to the order they’re currently working on. The last thing they need right now is Intak’s stupid face in their brain, trying to convince them to apologise.

“Hey, Y/n? Can you come check this for me?” Sunoo suddenly calls, snapping Y/n out of their thoughts. “Uh... yeah, one sec.” Y/n replies, putting the finishing touches on their order before walking over to where Sunoo is working.

They find him in the produce section, looking puzzled. “Everything okay?” Y/n asks, causing Sunoo to jump slightly at their sudden presence. “Oranges and mandarins are the same thing, right?” Sunoo asks, causing Y/n to giggle slightly. “Um… no. Mandarins are little and come in pieces that you peel off, oranges are big and you need to cut them.” Y/n says, causing Sunoo to nod. “We only have oranges, then,” He says, turning to look at Y/n. “And I need mandarins.”

Sighing, Y/n does a quick scan around the produce section. There are in fact, no mandarins. “We’ll have to check the back storage.” Y/n says, walking towards the door to find Seonghwa. “You coming? I can’t carry a bulk box of fruit by myself.” Y/n says, causing Sunoo to immediately follow them.

Once the two grab the key from Seonghwa, they make their way to the back storage room, where all the unneeded products are kept. It’s weird being in here again. Last time the two were in this room, they were screaming at each other. Walking past the kids and pet sections, they finally find themselves in the grocery area.

“Over there.” Y/n points in the direction of the fruits, going to walk towards them. They realise that Sunoo is oddly quiet and turn around to look at him. “Are you okay?” Y/n asks. It’s silent for a few more moments before Sunoo blurts out two words Y/n never thought they’d hear him say.

“I’m sorry.”

Y/n doesn’t know how to respond. It seems that even Sunoo is a little taken aback by his words, judging by his wide-eyed expression. “Um… what?” Y/n laughs awkwardly. Where was this coming from?

“I’m sorry for… everything, really. I’ve been giving you hell for years for basically nothing. I was just jealous of you and Intak and I took it out on you when I should’ve just-” “-Are you kidding me?” Y/n asks suddenly, interrupting Sunoo’s words. “I’ve been thinking about apologising to you all week and you beat me to it?” They continue, causing Sunoo to look at them confused. “It’s not a competition…” Sunoo laughs awkwardly. “But I’ve hated you for years because of something you did unknowingly as a kid… and you didn’t even do it to me! Why the hell are you the one apologising?” Y/n asks, a small pout to their lips. Sunoo can’t help but look at them endearingly… are they really upset that he apologised before they could?

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Y/n asks, causing Sunoo to laugh slightly. “Sorry, you’re just really cute.” He says, causing their eyes to widen. A pink blush immediately spreads across their cheeks, earning a slight smirk from Sunoo. “Shut up.” Y/n mumbles, avoiding eye contact. 

“Would you feel better if I took my apology back?” Sunoo asks, half jokingly. Y/n pauses to think for a moment before silently nodding, causing Sunoo to break out into a toothy grin. “Okay, then… I'll take it back.” He says, his words causing Y/n to look up at him again. They bite their lip nervously as he quietly waits for them to speak.

“Okay so like… I’m sorry for being a bitch and hating you for something you didn’t do. It was really childish of me and I hope that we can be friends… maybe.” Y/n rambles, their eyes nervously flickering from Sunoo’s to various parts of the room. Sunoo smiles at their nervousness, his heart swelling slightly at their words. “It’s okay… when I found out you didn’t like me I started purposefully annoying you. If you can’t tell, I think you’re cute when you’re mad.” Sunoo says, the pink blush on Y/n’s cheeks turning darker with each compliment. “Stop calling me that…” Y/n mumbles.

“You don’t like when I call you cute?”

“Hate it.”

“Your blush says otherwise, babe.”

“Shut up!”

“So… are you just gonna ignore the fact that I said I was jealous of you and Intak?” Sunoo asks, causing Y/n to look at him confused. “Why?” Y/n asks. “Because I like you and I hated that he was close with you in ways I couldn’t be… thought he had a better chance with you than I did.” Sunoo mumbles, causing Y/n to scoff slightly. “Oh please, Intak wouldn’t have a chance with me if he was the last man on earth.” Y/n says, choosing to ignore the part where Sunoo said he likes them.

“What about me?” Sunoo asks, stepping forward slightly to minimise the gap between them. “Uh… what about you?” Y/n asks, attempting to step back but getting stopped by the shelf behind them. “Would I have a chance?” Sunoo asks, continuing his steps until he is directly in front of Y/n, their back pressed up against the shelves. “Um… if you were the last man on earth, you mean? I guess, I don’t know. I don’t even think I’d survive long enough for us to be the last people on earth. Especially if it was like a zombie apocalypse or something, I’d probably die super… early.” Y/n rambles, the last words trailing off as Sunoo gently grips their chin, lifting it slightly so they’re making direct eye contact.

“I mean now, Y/n. Would I have a chance with you now?” Sunoo asks, his grip on Y/n’s chin stopping them from looking away. Y/n’s breath seems to get caught in their throat as they see Sunoo’s eyes flicker down to their lips. “I don’t know…” Y/n breathes out.

Their mind feels fuzzy. Up until about a week ago, they don’t think they’d ever had a positive thought about Sunoo. And now here they are, trapped between his body and a shelf, as he confesses that he likes them? Y/n has no idea how to process this new information.

“Are you guys okay in here?” A sudden voice calls out, causing Y/n to immediately push Sunoo away from them. They shut down the part of their brain that immediately misses his touch and peek behind the shelf to see Jay looking around the room for them. “We’re fine! Just took a while finding what we needed.” Sunoo calls out, going to grab one side of the mandarin crate. Taking note of Y/n’s slightly dazed expression, Sunoo can’t help but laugh slightly. “Actually, do you mind helping us carry this? Y/n’s a bit out of it.” Sunoo calls out again, sending a teasing wink to Y/n who immediately scowls at him. Guess that his feelings for them won’t change the constant teasing.

“I saw you drove today, your car’s fixed?” Sunoo asks as the two walk out of the community centre. “Yeah, it is. Which reminds me that I need to get Intak to pay me back.” Y/n says, taking a mental note. “Well, if you ever need a ride again, just know my passenger seat is always free for you.” Sunoo says, his words causing Y/n to blush slightly. They mumble a small thanks, causing Sunoo to smile endearingly. “Well, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Sunoo says, causing Y/n’s eyebrows to furrow. “School, babe.” Sunoo clarifies, making Y/n’s mouth fall into a small “oh”. Sunoo shakes his head with a gentle smile, ruffling Y/n’s hair affectionately. “Have a good night, Y/n.” He says before going to get into his car, waiting until Y/n has gotten in theirs and drives off before he leaves as well.

FRIDAY - 7 DAYS AFTER PROM:

“I told you so!”

Y/n reaches over to cover Intak’s mouth with their hand, shushing him as they look around the classroom. Thankfully, everyone else is busy with their own conversations to be listening in on theirs. Intak licks their hand, causing them to immediately pull away with a disgusted look. “You’re so gross.” Y/n mumbles, wiping their hand on Inak’s shirt sleeve. “I don’t care, you and Sunoo are getting together, I was finally right about something.” Intak teases, earning an eye roll from Y/n. “We’re not getting together, he likes me. There’s a difference.” “But you like him too!” Intak urges. “And how the hell do you know that?” Y/n asks, defensively. “Because we’re besties! I can basically read your mind at this point.” Y/n looks at him with a blank expression, clearly not believing his reasoning. “Plus you’re blushing, which is kind of a dead give away.”

Y/n throws their pen at Intak, who only pokes out his tongue in retaliation. He is right - they both know it. Which is what makes the whole situation more frustrating. Being confronted with the fact that you might like someone when you’ve spent years thinking you hate them is not a fun feeling. Y/n can’t help but think back to the conversation they had with Beomgyu last week. Sometimes you think you hate someone, when really you like them and just don’t know how to express it. God… did everyone see it but Y/n?

Obviously, they always knew that Sunoo was attractive (although they’d never admit it). And yeah, maybe a small part of them did secretly enjoy having Sunoo’s attention - good or bad. But does that really mean that they like him? Like, want to go on dates and hold hands and kiss and post cute couple pictures with cheesy captions to annoy their friends kind of like? Surely not…

…

Okay, maybe.

But liking Kim Sunoo and wanting to date Kim Sunoo are two completely different things. You can like someone and leave it at that - a hypothetical crush with no real drive to transition into an actual relationship. Just someone to watch from afar and dream about until you either get over them or fall for someone else. That is exactly what Y/n plans to do with this whole crush thing. Sunoo, unfortunately, is not making this easy.

“Y/n!”

The sudden call of their name causes Y/n to jump slightly. That doesn’t sound like Intak. And Y/n doesn’t speak to any other men at school because, why would they? Which means it has to be…

“Do you know how long I’ve been looking for you?” Sunoo asks once he’s finally caught up to Y/n. They look like a deer caught in headlights, looking directly into the eyes of the one person they’ve spent all day avoiding.

Y/n is almost too distracted by the situation to process the words coming out of Sunoo’s mouth. He’s been looking for them? That should not make their heart flutter the way that it does.

“Where have you been?” Sunoo asks, his follow-up question finally breaking through the thoughts that are overflowing Y/n’s brain. “Oh, you know… around.” Y/n attempts to play it off, aimlessly waving their hand to appear as nonchalant as possible. Sunoo doesn’t buy it for a second, looking at Y/n with raised eyebrows. “Okay… well, I was wondering if you were busy this afternoon?” Sunoo asks. “This afternoon? There’s a game on.” Y/n says, causing Sunoo to chuckle slightly. “I know. I’m a cheerleader, remember? I was meaning before the game.”

They always get paninis with Intak before his games - something he claims gives him good luck. Despite this, Y/n can practically hear Intak screaming at them to say no, they’re not busy, and they’d love to spend the afternoon with Sunoo. But some part of them is holding back, scared of getting too close to Sunoo.

Sunoo notices Y/n’s hesitation and his face falls slightly, though he immediately covers it with an understanding smile. “Intak?” He asks, already knowing the answer. Y/n nods slowly, an overwhelming feeling of guilt washing over them. Why did feelings have to be so confusing?

Sunoo goes to walk away but Y/n suddenly calls out, their voice leaving their body before they even have time to comprehend the words. “You can come,” Sunoo stops in his tracks, turning around to look at Y/n once more. “If you want.” They add.

It’s silent for a moment before Sunoo smiles - not the sad one from before, a genuine smile. “Sure… how about I bring Yuna and Kazhua, too?” He asks. Sunoo’s not an idiot, he can tell how uncomfortable Y/n is in his presence. If he wants things to work out with them, he needs to give them time to get comfortable. If that means bringing their entire friend group on what he wanted to be a date, then so be it.

“I’d like that.” Y/n smiles.

“So uh… where are we going?” Yuna asks, curiously. Her grip tightens on Kazuha’s arm as the trio walk down the street. “That cheap Italian place down by the library.” Sunoo says, his words immediately causing Kazuha’s face to screw up. “Who gets Itallian before a game? Isn’t that more of a post-game meal?” She asks. Sunoo shrugs. “Apparently Intak needs his good-luck panini before every game and I’m not really in the mood to argue with our star player.”

“He plays like that because of a panini?” Kazuha asks, shocked. “It’s not the panini, idiot. It’s the fact that it’s his lucky food… think of it like manifesting.” Yuna explains. “But with paninis.”

Thankfully, the restaurant isn’t too far away from the school. It’s likely why Y/n and Intak started going. As soon as the group walks up to the little building, squished between the public library and a laundromat, Sunoo realises that it’s not as bad as he thought. Freshly painted with what looks to be a handmade sign hung carefully above the door and intricately decorated on the interior.

Stepping inside, the group’s eyes immediately land on Y/n and Intak. They’re the only customers in the restaurant, so it’s impossible to miss Intak’s wide smile and over-exaggerated wave.

“Wait, this place is so cute!” Kazuha exclaims, immediately going to sit down with Y/n and Intak. “How long have you two been gatekeeping this?” She continues, pointing her finger accusingly between Y/n and Intak. Y/n immediately raises their hands in surrender. “Ask Intak, he’s the one who didn’t want anyone stealing his luck.”

Intak’s eyes widen at Y/n’s statement. “Hey! Don’t turn this on me!” He exclaims, his face heating up slightly as the group laughs. “It’s okay, the golden boy just didn’t want anyone stealing his precious spot. No biggie.” Yuna teases, patting Intak’s shoulder with feigned sympathy as she moves to sit down as well - pushing Sunoo to sit in the spot next to Y/n before sliding in after him.

Sunoo attempts to keep some distance between himself and Y/n so as to not make them uncomfortable. Yuna doesn’t seem to get the message though, sliding into the booth and pressing Sunoo right into Y/n’s personal bubble. They don’t seem to mind though - judging by the subtle blush creeping up their neck and gentle smile on their lips.

“Is now a bad time to say that I’ve never had a panini before?” Yuna asks. ‘Oh god, don’t make him start.” Y/n mumbles. Their words fall on deaf ears, as Intak begins to ramble about paninis and all the amazing combinations you can have. Y/n zones out of the conversation, aimlessly flicking through the menu instead. 

“What do you recommend?” Sunoo asks, quietly. Y/n looks up at him with a raised brow. “Don’t trust Intak’s recommendations?” Y/n asks, jokingly. Their words cause Sunoo to chuckle quietly. “More like, I want to have your favourite.” Sunoo mumbles, playfully winking when Y/n’s face flushes.

This is going to be a long night.

“Oh, shit. What time do we have to be there tonight?” Yuna asks, pulling out her phone to check the time. “Practice starts at 5, game at 6. I’ve only told you, like, 4 times today.” Sunoo says, a not-so-subtle roll of his eyes earning him a slap on the arm. “Thanks, Kim Sunoo. Where would I be without you?” Yuna replies snarkily. “Not the game, that’s for sure.”

“Are you coming early too, Y/n?” Kazuha asks, finishing off the last bite of her panini. “I always do. Intak forces me to watch him practice.” Y/n says. “It’s not forcing! You can say no…” Intak pouts. “If I say no you get like this, which is not as cute as you think it is.” Y/n laughs, causing Intak’s mouth to drop in offence. “I am so cute! You’re just blind, clearly.”

“Maybe this time you can watch our cheer practice, instead.” Yuna suggests, “I know a certain someone would love that.” She continues, a little quieter so only Y/n and Sunoo can hear her. Y/n’s face heats up at the implication behind Yuna’s words as Sunoo nudges her in the side, his face telling her to knock it off.

“Or just watch boring Intak, whatever you want.” She finishes with a shug. “Since when was it International Bully Intak Day?” Intak asks, sulkily taking a bite of his (third) panini.

Intak gets pouty when Y/n doesn’t pay attention during his practice and games. Y/n has made that mistake far too many times, and now makes sure to keep their eyes on the field at all times. Why is tonight so much more difficult? Kim Sunoo… that’s why…

Y/n never really watched the cheerleaders before. Like they said, Intak got pouty. But tonight, their gaze can’t help but slowly drift to where Sunoo stands. They jump slightly as Sunoo tosses one of the smaller girls in the air, lifting her up like she’s nothing and catching her with equal ease.

He must be pretty strong.

Y/n immediately shakes the thought out of their head, looking back at the field. The game has long started since now, the bleachers filling up with loud, enthusiastic supporters all there to watch their team win. Intak’s on fire, as usual. The crowd roars with every point he scores, expecting nothing less from their school’s star player.

As Y/n fixates their full attention onto their best friend, they hardly notice Sunoo walking over to where they’re sat. Sunoo smiles down at Y/n, finding their concentration cute before playfully ruffling their hair.

“So, we’re pretending you weren’t literally staring me down a minute ago?” He asks, his words and action causing Y/n’s attention to immediately flicker to him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Y/n mumbles, swatting his hand away before fixing their now ruined hair. “Course you don’t, babe.” Sunoo replies, messing up Y/n’s hair once more before taking a seat next to them.

“Aren’t you supposed to be on the field… you know… cheering?” Y/n asks, trying to make it seem like they’re annoyed by his presence. Y/n’s never been an actor though and Sunoo can read right through them. “You expect me to cheer for the whole game? That’s so tiring.” Sunoo frowns. “I should get to have a good time, too.” He adds, sending a playful smile to Y/n.

That’s how Y/n and Sunoo ended up watching the game together. With every scored point, everyone around them got more enthusiastic - their excited movements pushing Y/n and Sunoo closer together. Neither of them minded, though.

Sunoo suddenly lets out a groan when he spots Yuna calling him back onto the field. “I have to go back.” He mumbles, looking at Y/n apologetically. “It’s okay… go do your thing.” Y/n smiles. Sunoo can’t help the way his smile mimics Y/n’s, even the tiniest bit of their happiness is contagious to him. God… they’re so pretty. Before he can even realise what he’s doing, Sunoo leans in to press a quick kiss against Y/n’s cheek, ruffling their hair once more as he stands before running back to the field, yelling about how he’ll “be back.”

Y/n sits there, stunned, for a moment. Did that really just happen? Did Sunoo just kiss them? They bring a hand up to gently press against the spot where Sunoo’s lips just were. The skin burns slightly at the touch, likely from the ever growing blush that seems to be constant whenever Sunoo’s around. It takes Y/n a handful of seconds to snap out of the fluttery trance Sunoo’s kiss put them in - and he didn’t even kiss them on the lips! This crush really is going to be the end of Y/n…

“WE WON!”

Intak’s yell could probably be heard from the other side of town. But Y/n doesn’t care, as they run happily into his open embrace. Every win for Intak is like the first; it’s only fair that Y/n matches his enthusiasm.

“You did so good, Takie.” Y/n says, giving Intak a loving squeeze before pulling away. Kazuha is next, running to give Intak a hug - much to the surprise of the rest of the group. “Guess we’re all hugging Intak.” Yuna shrugs, running up to him as well - making sure to grab Y/n on the way and pull them into the, now group hug.

Sunoo watches the group with an amused smile on his face. “Bring it in, bro.” Intak winks, making Sunoo laugh slightly. “Okay, bro.” Sunoo says teasingly, before joining the hug as well - making sure to take a position next to Y/n.

“Why are we hugging?” Y/n asks. “Because I did so amazingly that you guys just wanted to show how much you love me?” Intak asks, hopefully. “Whatever you say, buddy.” Yuna laughs.

Pulling away from the impromptu group hug, Y/n can’t help the way their eyes naturally drift to Sunoo, who was already looking at them. The rest of the group immediately notice their two friends, Yuna giving Kazuha a knowing nudge.

“Hey, Intak. Didn’t you need to show me and Yuna that… thing?” Kazuha asks, suspiciously. Intak’s face lights up at this. He loves this game. “Oh, that’s right! I almost forgot. I’ll go show you now. Just you, me and Yuna.” Intak says. Sunoo has to stop himself from physically face palming at the performance. “I think they get the hint.” Yuna laughs, grabbing the two by the arm and pulling them away from Y/n and Sunoo.

“Well that wasn’t suspicious at all.” Sunoo jokes. “What would he even have in his car to show them?” Y/n laughs, looking back in the direction the three went, only to spot them not-so-subtly crouched behind the bleachers. “They’re watching us.” Y/n mumbles. “Of course they are.”

Silence falls between the two as Sunoo appears to have a sudden wave of nerves wash over him. Y/n looks up at him with slight concern - Sunoo doesn’t normally get nervous. “Look… I just wanted to say that I had a really good time with you today… it’s nice to just hang out without working… or yelling at each other.” Sunoo starts, causing Y/n to laugh slightly. “We do yell at each other quite a bit.” They agree. “That’s not stopping, by the way. If you do dumb shit I will call you out on it.” Y/n playfully warns, causing Sunoo to laugh. “Oh, 100%. Just like how I’m going to keep purposefully getting on your nerves.” Sunoo teases.

Due to the conversation taking a playful turn, Sunoo’s nerves start to subside. “Look, I know this is all very sudden for you so I don’t expect an answer straight away but, I was wondering if you wanted to-” 

“-yes.”

Sunoo’s eye brows furrow slightly at Y/n cutting him off. “Would you let me say it?” He asks, teasingly, causing Y/n to laugh. “Sorry, I got excited… keep going.” Y/n urges him to continue, looking at him with a playful smile. “I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date… with me… and not our friends, this time.” Sunoo asks, smiling gently.

Y/n can’t stop the giddy feeling that’s building up in their stomach. It’s almost like they want to start jumping around, they’re so restless. Never in their entire life would they have thought that they would have these feelings about Kim Sunoo… guess the heart works in mysterious ways.

Y/n nods enthusiastically, jumping to pull Sunoo into a tight hug. “This is new.” Sunoo comments, hugging back nonetheless. “Sorry, I’m just weirdly excited and I didn’t know how to say it in words.” Y/n mumbles against Sunoo’s shoulder. “Don’t apologise… I could definitely get used to this.” Sunoo says, tightening his grip around Y/n’s waist.

The two stand there for a few seconds, trapped in their own little bubble. Their precious moment is soon interrupted by the hushed whispers of their friends, who still haven’t left their hiding spot. Sunoo pulls away with a groan, shooting a fake glare towards the others. “Okay… let’s go get those idiots.” He says, wrapping an arm around Y/n’s shoulder to pull them in the direction of the rest of the group.

“So, just so we’re being clear… our next date is gonna be with our friends, too?”

“Without, Y/n. Without.”

“Sorry without… Yuna and Kazuha, but Intak is coming.”

“Bring Intak and you’re not getting a second date.”

“I’m just teasing. Besides, I doubt you can stay away from me after this.”

“You know what? I’m starting to regret confessing to you.”

As the two playfully bicker back and forth, Yuna, Kazuha and Intak notice them coming over and decide to leave their hiding spot. “So the lovebirds finally got together, huh?” Yuna asks, earning eyerolls from Y/n and Sunoo. “Nothing’s official yet so don’t jinx it.” Sunoo warns, causing Yuna to look at him with a teasing smile. “So I shouldn’t talk about how you’re madly in love with Y/n and it’s taken you literally years to-” Yuna’s ramble gets cut off by Sunoo charging at her, causing her to end her sentence early with a loud squeal.

“Zuha, help!” Yuna exclaims as she attempts to run away from Sunoo. As the three friends laugh and chase each other around the now empty field, Y/n feels the sudden presence of Intak resting his chin on the top of their head.

“You look really happy.” He comments, the simple words causing Y/n’s smile to spread even further across their face. “I am.” They reply. “Sunoo’s cool… he’ll treat you well.” Intak mumbles, yawning slightly due to it getting later. Y/n snorts slightly at his words, playfully elbowing him in the stomach. “Why are you acting like my dad?” They ask, earning a shrug from their best friend. “I’m just happy that you’re happy.”

SUNDAY - 9 DAYS AFTER PROM:

Walking into the community centre feels a lot different on this particular day compared to all the previous times. Perhaps it’s due to the fluttery feeling in Y/n’s chest at the thought of seeing Sunoo again. They haven’t seen him since Friday night, where they agreed to go on a date. They did, however, text throughout most of yesterday.

Minho is back in his position at the front desk, with Jay, Beomgyu and Seonghwa in various other parts of the reception area. Sunoo also stands in the reception area, signing in for the day.

“Y/n, come and clear this up for me.” Minho says as soon as Y/n makes their way through the sliding glass doors. Their eyebrows furrow slightly but oblige nonetheless, not wanting to piss of Minho this early in the day.

“This kid says that you and Sunoo didn’t argue at all last week.” Minho scoffs, pointing accusingly at Jay, who holds his hands up in defence. “I honestly didn’t even know they were the problem kids until like, 2 hours into the shift.” Jay argues. “We didn’t argue.” Y/n shrugs, causing all the adults to look at them in shock. Sunoo tries to hold back his smile as he finishes signing in, unfortunately not going unnoticed by Beomgyu.

“Did something happen between you two?” Beomgyu asks with a smirk on his face, throwing his arm over Sunoo’s shoulder and shaking him a few times. “Beomgyu, that’s none of our business.” Seonghwa attempts to scold. “I see blushing.” Minho teases, pointing at Y/n’s face. “Let’s just get to work, are we going back to the old schedule?” Y/n asks, turning their attention fully to Seonghwa. He almost looks startled by Y/n’s question. “Can I trust you two to work together properly?” He asks, looking at both Y/n and Sunoo suspiciously. The teens quickly nod. “Okay… we’ll go back to the old schedule. You two will be in with Beomgyu today and then you’ll start fresh with Jay in clothes next week.”

“Okay but like… you guys are dating now, right?” Beomgyu asks as he walks into the food storage room, a large box of bread in his hand. Y/n and Sunoo look at each other, both questioning his words. That’s not even something they’re sure of. They agreed to go on a date… does that mean they are dating?

Beomgyu notices the confusion and chuckles slightly. “We’re not labelling it, huh? I remember those days.” He smiles, placing the box on the table. “Just try not to let it get in the way of your work… no matter how hard that might be.” Beomgyu says, almost as if he’s speaking from personal experience.

WEDNESDAY - 12 DAYS AFTER PROM:

Going on a date with Sunoo is exciting and terrifying at the same time. Everything is changing… they went from spending all of their time with Intak, to suddenly being in a friend group with Intak, Sunoo, Yuna and Kazuha. What if this thing with Sunoo doesn’t actually work out? Their friend groups have already basically intertwined and Intak seems to really enjoy having the others around. The last thing Y/n wants is to ruin it for him. They really like Sunoo, too. This needs to work out.

“Stop worrying about shit that isn't going to happen." Intak playfully scolds, softly hitting Y/n over the head with his book. The act immediately snaps Y/n out of their thoughts, making them look up at Intak with a small pout. "You didn't have to hit me." They mumble. "Yes, I did. You've been like this all day. Your date tonight's gonna go fine. I don't get why you're so worried." Intak says. "I'm just scared that I'll mess everything up." Y/n frowns, shaking their head in their hands in an attempt to silence their negative thoughts.

"You didn't mess it up when you literally hated him… how could you mess it up now that you like him?" Y/n struggles to argue with Intak's logic. They know that their insecurities are irrational and yet there's still this tiny part of their brain, shouting about how terribly this is all going to go.

"Well, no time to be insecure, here he comes." Intak says, gesturing over Y/n's shoulder before walking off.

The sudden presence of an arm around their shoulder causes y/n's entire body to relax. They know it's Sunoo; it always is.

"Where's he going?" Sunoo asks. "You scared him off." Y/n jokes back, causing Sunoo to laugh slightly. "Hey! I'm not even remotely threatening, thank you." He argues, pinching Y/n's shoulder. Strange how as soon as Y/n is in the presence of Sunoo, all their negative thoughts from before seem to mysteriously vanish.

"Are you all good with going right now? Or did you want to head home first?" Sunoo asks. "Well I didn't bring my car today and my ride just abandoned me so, I guess now works." Y/n shrugs.

Dinner and a movie - the most timeless first date. There's enough time at dinner to talk and get to know each other whilst also being able to just ignore each other during the movie if the dinner part doesn't go to plan. Y/n and Sunoo don't exactly have to get to know each other, though. It's more just getting to know this new side of each other.

So far on the date, Y/n has learnt that Sunoo is quite the gentleman. They're not sure if he's just pulling out all the stops because they're on a date or if he usually treats his partners like this but the chivalry is spot on. Letting y/n choose the restaurant, holding open the door, pulling out their chair, the works.

"You know," Sunoo starts, pointing a fry in Y/n's direction. "You never actually told me that you like me." Y/n rolls their eyes at his statement. "Yes Sunoo, I agreed to go on a date with you because I don't like you." They reply sarcastically. Sunoo holds his hands up in defence. "Is it wrong for me to want to know how my date feels about me?" Sunoo asks teasingly. Y/n's heart flutters at the word date but they try to ignore it. "When you're only asking because you want to hear me say it, yes."

Sunoo looks at Y/n expectantly, making them sigh. "Fine… I really like you, Sunoo." Y/n says, the genuine tone in their voice makes Sunoo smile brightly. "I really like you, too." He replies. Y/n grumbles something about him being stupid, which makes Sunoo laugh before turning back to his food.

"Okay, they didn't have any mint chocolate left which is… honestly criminal, but they had your favourite so I just got two of them." Sunoo says, happily handing Y/n an ice cream cone. "How did you know cookie dough is my favourite?" Y/n asks suspiciously. They have had many conversations with Sunoo, none of which involved anything they liked.

"You always bring those little cookie snack bars to the community centre… so I just took a guess." He shrugs. Y/n's eyes narrow at Sunoo. "What else do you know about me?" They ask, making him laugh slightly. "I'm very observant, so, a lot. You'll find out eventually." Sunoo winks, causing Y/n’s eyebrows to furrow.

Once the two find their seats, Sunoo pulls out the rest of the snacks that he had snuck into the theatre (why would he buy a bag of lollies for $6 when he could get the same ones at the grocery store for $2.50?) Y/n’s eyes widen as Sunoo lays out the snacks he had brought, each one being one of Y/n’s favourites.

“Okay, you’re messing with me now. You asked Intak for help, didn’t you?” Y/n asks, skeptically. “I swear, I didn’t.” Sunoo says, only confusing Y/n further. “Then how did you know to get me all of this? Y/n asks, their eyes shining in awe as they look at Sunoo. “Y/n… I’ve liked you for… almost 2 years now? It’d be weirder if I didn’t know about these kinds of things.” Y/n’s eyes widen at Sunoo’s words. It’s as if all the air has been knocked out of their lungs. “You’ve liked me for two years?” Y/n asks, almost in disbelief. “Why didn’t you say anything?” They ask, going to hit Sunoo’s shoulder but Sunoo catches their hand instead, holding it gently in his. “Be honest, Y/n. Would you have liked me back 2 years ago?” He asks. Y/n falls silent. They both know the answer to that. “I don’t know what to say.” Y/n mumbles. Sunoo smiles, reaching over with his other hand to ruffle their hair. “You don’t have to say anything.”

Their hands stay intertwined throughout the entire movie. It just feels right, the coolness of his skin contrasting against Y/n’s warmth. The way they each tighten their grip whenever a particularly tense scene plays or how Sunoo’s thumb gently grazes over Y/n’s knuckles when a sad one does. Neither wants to let go. Even when the movie comes to an end, the lights in the theatre turn on and everyone starts getting out of their seats, their hands stay intertwined.

“Okay, turn right at the next street.���

“No, the one after that.”

“There’s like this big tree, remember? That’s the one.”

“You missed the turn off.”

“Has anyone ever told you, you’re really bad at giving directions?” Sunoo laughs, as he does yet another u-turn. “Why do you think I’m usually the one driving? I don’t give directions, I take them.” Y/n grumbles. “We’re going to your house, Y/n. Surely, you know how to get there.” Sunoo laughs. “I’ve never been this way so I don’t know the names of anything.” Y/n argues. “Babe… use google maps.”

With an exaggerated sigh, Y/n finally pulls out their phone and types their address into google maps. “There, since I’m clearly no help.” Y/n pouts, shoving their phone on the dashboard. Sunoo can’t help but smile affectionately as he watches Y/n sulk. He reaches over to playfully pull at their cheek, causing them to swat his hand away. “You’re so cute.” Sunoo coos, laughing at the way Y/n’s face immediately turns a dark shade of pink. They mumble a quiet shut up reaching forward to link their hands with one of his, once again.

By the time Sunoo pulls up outside of Y/n’s house, they’re no longer sulking. Sunoo puts the car in park, taking off his seatbelt before turning to Y/n with a smile. “I had a really nice time tonight.” He says, reaching forward to take hold of Y/n’s hands. “Me too.” Y/n smiles. “And I’d like to do this more… a lot more.” Sunoo says. “Me too.” Y/n laughs, feeling overwhelmed with the amount of affection they feel towards the boy in front of them.

“Can I be your boyfriend, Y/n?”

Time in the car seems to stop just as those words left Sunoo’s lips. Kim Sunoo… as Y/n’s boyfriend? Months ago, Y/n would’ve thought that to be one of the worst things to happen to them. A form of torture… they’d probably say. But now… as they sit in Sunoo’s car, their hands intertwined with his, after one of the best first dates they’ve ever been on… they can think of nothing they want more.

Well… maybe they can think of one thing they want more. As their eyes flicker down to Sunoo’s lips, Y/n can’t help the overwhelming thoughts of how they would feel pressed against their own. Sunoo seems to notice, with the way the corners of his mouth turn up into a slight smirk. Is he licking his lips subconsciously? Or is he trying to drive Y/n even crazier than they already feel?

Y/n realises they haven’t answered Sunoo’s question. With their mind racing a mile a minute, they don’t even know what to say. Y/n’s brain flashes back to what Sunoo said earlier in the night… You don’t have to say anything.

Y/n decides to communicate their thoughts through their actions, not trusting their brain or voice to formulate a better response. With a simple nod of the head, Y/n slowly leans in, their eyes fluttering closed as they finally feel Sunoo’s plush lips against their own.

Y/n hasn’t kissed enough people to know what makes the perfect kiss but they reckon this one comes pretty close. They were never one for cliches, but the sparks, the butterflies, everything’s there. Everything’s right.

Maybe Intak was right (this seems to be a pattern recently.) As their lips dance together, Y/n can’t help but think that nothing with Sunoo could go wrong. They know it’s unrealistic, that all good relationships run into problems along the way, but that’s for future Y/n and future Sunoo to worry about. Right now, they can just relax in their ignorant bliss.

THE END