#which I think she is going to be very hesitant to address and understandably so

[fanchonmoreau]

“Antisemitism is ancient and it’s never gone away. More people are aware of it now, more people are signing up for it, and more people are being loud about it, but that’s a constant.

“I feel a great responsibility with the part to make sure that this central question of ‘What would you do?’ in [Fraulein Schneider’s situation] is given as much fodder as possible. It’s a very complicated, difficult, awful decision that Fraulein Schneider has to make, and she does not make it without deep shame and guilt and self-loathing and also self-justification. It’s really complicated. That’s the last thing she does on the stage, is pose that question. She’s fun, she’s gregarious, she’s a really sharp businesswoman. She’s strong, she’s tough, she’s all these things. She’s kind, she’s a little bit goofy. She likes the Bohemians. I hope to make her a very full and complicated person who can hold a lot of different qualities at the same time, so that when her final moment on the stage [comes], we get a full person. If you take that song, ‘What Would You Do?’ out of context, it loses a bit of something. You have to see how much she absolutely adores, loves, cares so deeply, and who Herr Schultz is to her.

“We have to have enough information so that we can approach that question. In a way, it’s the simplest of questions and in a way, it’s the most complicated questions, because right now in our country and around the world, this is a question that is relevant."

—Bebe Neuwirth (source)

[jinxpowderr]

I was supposed to be busy this week/end so I wouldn't have time to watch act 2, but my friend spoiled me unintentionally and it dragged me into watching it in bits between my work. I have thoughts about it.

Act 2 exposes some more of the corny dialog that I had an issue with in act 1, but ups it to MCU territory by having quips and just incredibly played out, on the nose, and cliche moments

Vander's letter to Silco was such an obvious "It's addressed to X, but it's really about Y" moments in the series it was so heavy handed and feankly unnecessary.

"You really are a" "Big stinking hero!" It was corny but made me laugh only because it was Sevika and Jinx. Isha, a literal plot device dropped into Jinx's narrative not three minutes old, obvious death flags from the start, had no speaking lines, and only existed to dangle the idea of hope in front of Jinx only to snatch it away in the most obvious writing decision ever.

Caitlyn and Vi being reunited was bland as fuck like good for you guys I guess but, again, there is so little justification on why they're suddenly back on good terms again. Like I get it she loves Vi, she wants to help her save what's left of her family, but literally why did she jumped to agreeing?? Remember when she found out Jinx was Vi's sister? Remember the hesitation?

Vi told Cait that her dad was the savage monster that killed 20+ Enforcers at Stillwater and she hardly even reacts she just goes along with this plan of Vi's. Ambessa has been helping her secure "peace" for Piltover in their campaign against Zaun for months now. Sure there were seeds of doubt and mistrust, but nothing so grand that it would automatically turn traitor on her. Especially since episode 4 has her defending Ambessa, saying they've only gotten this far because of her.

Not to mention the total 180 from "Zaun's animalistic savagery knows no bounds" to "my girlfriend needs to save her furry father and I need to help her" The only logic pathways we get to answer these lingering questions are weak at best and unsatisfactory at worst.

The Vi and Jinx reconciliation was rushed imo as well, but I've always said that you could understand that because we've seen for ourselves that no matter what Jinx has always loved Vi. And Vi spent seven years of her life thinking about nothing other than getting back to Powder/Jinx. Their rush to forgive one another is rushed but the path to getting there is solid enough that you don't really mind it.

Sevika can never catch a break, hardly in this act but that's okay I still love her. It was good seeing Jinx step into her cqc bag and utilize her shimmer to gain advantages in fights. Caitlyn sparring with Ambessa was great and she looked so pretty. I was happy to have Viktor and Jinx interact at least once, their dynamic was exactly what I imagined, they'd be best friends.

Vi's butt looks great in those leather pants. Corny as it was, Jinx and Sevika's moments are the best part of this act. Jinx trying to calm down Vander during his rampage seemed really stupid and I can't really get behind the logic of it. She should have been running to secure Isha and get her somewhere safe, not try to calm down your rampaging father who's spitting up lava. Like girl you couldn't beat him in his base form, what the fuck do you think you're going to do now?

Singed being a mix of Corrin Reveck and his League self makes sense in the case that giving him Reveck's daughter humanizes Singed to a better degree, but it still feels kind of weird. Man doesn't look like Reveck in the slightest he is straight up just Singed. Identity theft.

It's also very silly to me that Ambessa is doing so little in searching for her daughter, like it's kind of weak that you have all the smoke for Piltover and Zaun but a cult snatched your kid up under your nose and you're sitting on your hands because you assume you can't beat them without lightning in a bottle.

Ekko, Jayce, and Heimerdinger are hardly in season 2 which isn't too surprising. Ekko and Heimerdinger don't have much of a presence in season 1 past a certain point anyway. I know Ekko's time breaking abilities are about to help "fix" this mess to a heavy degree but I'm not going to like it at all. Jinx, once again on the verge of suicide, and Ekko swoops in like "I care about you :(" mind you, he has been presumed dead for months now and Jinx gave next to no fucks about it or the Firelights. Vi still doesn't know that Ekko even survived season 1. Mans is not loved by these two at all. Especially not enough to warrent any sort of relationship with Jinx, I'd literally kill myself it's such a bad writing move especially this late in the final season.

Caitlyn's spec ops really didn't matter in the slightest. Shoutout Maddie for getting the hexstrap but you also do not function as a character. Also her accent was a little off to me in act 2, idk why.

All said and done, act 2 does some things better than act 1, and some things worse. I think it just shows how much those 10+ years of work and rewrites that season 1 got was incredibly necessary because season 2 can not match up by any measure other than it looks good and it's Arcane. But that's about it. I don't really think I'll be watching act 3.

[cocogum]

There’s something off about Yugo now.

‼️ SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4 ‼️

LEAVE AT THE WARNING IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE FIRST FOUR EPISODES.

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Way before 2024 hit, when Tot was still teasing us with some snippets of Season 4 on Twitter, there was a time when one of his tweets made some people think about what he meant.

The specific tweet was made on the 10th of January of 2023 at 5:10 AM which showed a small scene of Yugo once said that THIS scene in particular was going to change Yugo forever

Here’s the full translation:

“Season 4 of Wakfu is going well my friends���Here’s a small snippet of Yugo that makes me want to cry. 🥲”

We didn’t know at the time what he could’ve meant by that or what that specific scene that saddened him was even about.

But now that Wakfu Season 4 is out, we were able to watch that same scene that happened in episode 3.

And omg it makes perfect sense now.

In his tweet where he addressed his feelings for the scene, Tot specified that this moment would be the last time we see Yugo, the last scene before saying goodbye.

Some people, back when the tweet was still recent, thought Tot might have been implying that Yugo would actually die or possibly gain his adult form through this scene where he’s surrounded by his mother’s blue hues.

But now that we’ve watched the actual episode where this same scene Tot was talking about took place, we can all finally confirm that neither of those two things happened.

Because what happened ended up being far worse than that.

Yes, what’s worse than Yugo dying or growing up to an alarming speed is nothing compared to what actually happened :

Yugo’s mindset changed.

When Yugo met the Eliatrope goddess for the first time (in this life at least), he explicitly told her that he does not know her, therefore, he cannot sympathize with what she’s saying to him. Yugo could see how she was crying when she told him, Nora, and Qilby she missed them as well as her other children and that she promises them she wouldn’t be away from them any longer.

Yugo doesn’t react to this, only Nora and Qilby truly understand the power behind her words.

But as soon as the Eliatrope goddess puts Yugo to rest for a while, the moment he wakes up was as if he changed his mind completely.

He claims that his mother is the purest of the pure and that she’s so perfect that she can’t express any negative emotions. Keep this in mind for later.

He truly believes what he’s saying and cannot fathom the fact that she may be imperfect in some ways.

His mind did a complete 360 to the point where he immediately joins the Eliatrope goddess, Nora, and Qilby’s cause. He changed his mind so quickly that even Nora noticed and brought it up.

When the assembly began, Yugo was proud of showing up first to welcome his mother and he proudly stated her arrival to the rulers. He had even told Joris that he insisted on being as forward as possible to the rulers and to welcome his mother appropriately.

Now, remember when I stated that Yugo does not believe that the Eliatrope goddess can express any negative emotions?

Well, it turns out he was wrong.

Not even a full hour passed, and the Eliatrope goddess was already in a full confrontation with one of the rulers, the queen of Bonta, Astra. When someone, especially a higher being, is claimed to be a pure being with no flaws, it usually means that they cannot even fathom the idea of expressing a negative emotion or struggling to keep it in.

But the reason why this scene was just so important to focus on was because THIS is supposed to be the goddess of love, the goddess that represents purity (no wonder people were beings suspicious of her. How are you gonna be called the embodiment of ‘love’ and yet express something that is out of your agenda?)

So the reason why we need to focus on this moment, is because the goddess hesitated.

This is what makes Yugo’s claims about her being perfect completely wrong.

And since his declarations were very much flawed, his current way of thinking can only mean one thing :

Something has gone wrong.

From what we’ve been able to witness from his slumber, Yugo was able to see how he and his siblings were created by their mother, how their original planet came to be, how their mother got thrown aside, banished by the other gods and ended up in the Necroworld, and how she got saved by Nora and Efrim.

To us, this sequence must’ve probably lasted for about three minutes or so but to Yugo, this moment lasted far longer than that. He must’ve seen the details, heard a lot of recrimination from the other gods, and seen his mother’s suffering from being cast aside. All of this pain and suffering that she must’ve felt was what made Yugo side with her and her cause.

But as much as his sudden want to be closer to her makes sense, it doesn’t mean that Yugo’s portrayal of his mother is true. Anyone can tell that the Eliatrope goddess had broken a very important major rule: DO NOT use a planet for yourself. She had betrayed the trust of the other gods without any explanation other than wanting to have children and making a world for herself.

Yugo saw it all and yet he did not think that she made a mistake. He does not care if she went against the other gods (creating a world for herself), he does not care if she wants to monitor the world (she has told this in front of all the authorities of the world), he does not care if she wants to infuse vigilantism (again, she told this in front of the leaders of the world), and he does not care if all the commanders of the world do not side with her ideas (he deliberately chose to follow her as soon as she left the assembly).

But it seems like even when he was not, at the time, sleeping under her energy, he didn’t care if people with bad intentions got paralyzed for some undetermined amount of time as punishment (he was watching Nora and Adamaï fight the rogues). That could have been an early hint that he would do much more than just stand aside and not say anything in matters like these but rather silently do what his mother wishes to do.

Since he embraces everything that she is, he embraces everything that she wants to do or has done.

Another thing I should mention is the fact that ever since he woke up, he started calling the Eliatrope goddess “mother”, implying that he now felt completely comfortable with knowing and understanding that she was truly his creator, mother.

As you can see, every time he addresses her, it’s always by calling her his mother, which is factually true, but again, he has just met her and is already completely enamoured by her. His admiration and respect towards her makes sense because he has seen everything that she’s been through while sleeping.

The problem is that even when he considers her perfect, he doesn’t seem to understand that the people around her (besides Nora and Qilby) DO NOT agree with her plans.

Yugo does not understand why Adamaï left because his intuition was telling him that something was very wrong about all of this (even though Yugo wasn’t too convinced by the Eliatrope goddess, he was still taking a neutral side at the time. Even though he didn’t completely understand his mother at that moment, this still counts as an event where Yugo did not think about the Eliatrope goddess’s ways even when his brother told him something was off. Also, if Yugo did see his mother’s suffering at that moment, he would have still most likely sided with her.)

Yugo also does not understand what the leaders are trying to say and how right they are (even though they have mistreated the Eliatrope goddess in the process). One of them, the queen of Bonta, makes very good points that the goddess should have answered and explained.

But instead of taking a moment to think about it or try to at least think about how the rulers are feeling right now, Yugo simply leaves them and goes right back to the goddess.

This is a very surprising decision of his because Yugo has lived his entire life in the World of Twelve. He has not only lived here but has met a lot of different people, gone through life and death for them, saved numerous victims and fought off enemies for them, and did all that in the same world where he is currently turning his back to the very rulers of it.

Tot wasn’t wrong when he said Yugo wouldn’t be the same.

And we’re starting to see it.

It’s becoming more obvious and I’m sure that at some point, there could be another fight between Yugo and Adamaï happening, or perhaps even a misunderstanding.

[justthemis124]

My opinion on "Monsters: The Lyle and Erik Menendez story" PART II

Hello everyone! I'm back for the second part of my opinion on the show "Monsters". If you haven't read the first part, go check it out right here :)

III. THE PORTRAYAL OF THE PARENTS

If I previously talked about the brothers’ portrayal in part 1, I also have a LOT of things to say about how the parents were portrayed.

Like I mentioned in part 1, I do believe that Ryan Murphy produced the show with the idea in mind that Erik and Lyle were liars. So, ultimately, it wasn’t that surprising to see that José and Kitty (in my opinion) weren't exactly portrayed as the monsters they truly were.

First things first, I would like to address the very last scene of the show, when they are on the boat shark fishing. In all honesty, I really did not understand that scene and the reasoning behind putting it at the very end. The feeling that I got when this scene came on was that, somehow the show was trying to depict José and Kitty as a nice couple that was trying to overcome their past difficulties, a depiction that I, obviously, absolutely hate. In my mind, it was just so weird to put that one scene at the end, after everything. You know what they've done, who they really are, and still there is that clip of them as a happy married couple spending the afternoon on a boat. If anyone has any insight or an opinion on that scene please don't hesitate to leave a comment!

Now there is one main episode where we get to see a lot of José and Kitty, and that's episode 7 when Kitty is seeing a therapist. She proceeds to talk about how Erik and Lyle scare her and don't care about her at all. In my opinion, this is just a sickening stunt of Ryan Murphy to try and get us to have empathy towards the parents. And I truly felt that this specific episode was just full of moments like this, moments that depict Erik and Lyle as spoiled kids, undeserving of what they have and not appreciative towards the parents. While Kitty and José are shown as parents trying their best, giving their kids everything they ask for, but ultimately powerless against the anger and ungratefulness that their children hold against them. No need for me to explain how such a representation of literal child m*lesters is extremely dangerous.

In that episode we also learn that, apparently, José was also m*lested by his parents when he was a child. Now I did some research on that because I was quite shocked to hear that in the show, because I don't remember hearing that anywhere. Now I wasn't able to find anything, so if anyone has any informations on that please leave a comment! Because here's the thing, my fear is that RM might have lied about this part to try and justify the abuse that Erik and Lyle suffered from José, which, if that's the case, I genuinely have no words to describes how vile, sick and straight up psychopathic it is. So again if anyone has any information about that, please leave a comment!

IV. THE ACTORS' PERFORMANCES

Having said everything that I said up until now, I wanted to dedicate a part to the actors' performance and all the work that they put into it.

I mentioned at the end of the first part, that all this criticism was directed at Ryan Murphy and not at the actors, because at the end of the day, actors have to follow a script and do the best they can with the instructions that they've been given. So If we forget for a second everything that's wrong with this show, I think it's important to salute the incredible performances that Cooper Koch (Erik Menendez) and Nicholas Alexander Chavez (Lyle Menendez) gave us. As we've seen before, yes, the portrayal of Lyle was not accurate at all and quite defamatory, but still as an actor, Nicholas did an amazing job. Especially during the trials scene, when he is taking the stand, that seems to be the only accurate thing they got of Lyle.

Of course I have to mention episode 5, where Cooper Koch delivered an outstanding and heartbreaking performance in a 35 minutes monologue in one single take. It almost brought me to tears, and for me this is one of the few scenes that does the brothers justice. I also have to mention Cooper Koch's involvement with the actual case, you all probably know this by now but he went to visit Erik Menendez in prison, he said that they had a long conversation, that they hugged and Cooper told him that he was standing with them (Erik and Lyle) and that he believed them. He also told Erik that he did everything he could to try and portray him as best as possible. And I'm so happy that at least one person of the project actually understood what it truly meant to do this show.

CONCLUSION

In conclusion, I can only express disappointment and disgust towards this show. I was really pumped at its announcement and couldn't wait to see it. Because for me, the name "monsters" was obviously directed towards the parents, but then I saw that it was actually for the brothers and I really couldn't believe it. And no amount of billboards trying to turn this around with "are they monsters?" can make up for anything (see below).

As you all probably know by now, a Netflix documentary about the brothers and their perspective is coming out on Monday 7th October, and after that show I am glad Netflix gave them a chance to express themselves.

Alright guys that was it for my opinion on the show, I hope you liked it! Again if there is anything you disagree with or if you'd like to add something, another point of view or another insight please do and leave a comment! Thanks to everyone who read this post all the way to the end!

See you in the next post!

FREE THE MENENDEZ BROTHERS

[ggukkiedae]

Yoonmi’s Relationships with BTS

(updated as of february 2024) (mentions of hangouts are all indicating before the members’ enlistments)

JIN (Kim Seokjin)

Since Yoonmi had become an adult, Seokjin had taken to treating her like an equal and rarely using his “oppa” card, which is a stark difference from when she was younger. Yes, she still goes to him for advice, and he is the one who still helps her with adult matters such as bills and taxes and lifestyle, but he also becomes a friend that she can mess around with like she’s with other friends around her age. In his mind, she still is a baby, but he understands that she’s matured, wants to be seen as more mature, and that she’d still see him as a parental figure no matter how old she gets. He likes to think this is her finally acting out since she’s always been a good kid.

Jinmi in ARMYs’ eyes: They enjoy witnessing how Seokjin always “cries” about how she’s grown so much. The shift in their dynamic was over the pandemic, and suddenly everyone could see that Yoonmi was more comfortably roughhousing with Seokjin, and he was responding more like he would to Jungkook rather than his previous shrugging off and fond smiles. Seeing them become more like similarly-aged friends really made ARMY realize how she had grown.

Iconic Moment: It was revealed through the BTS documentary on Disney+ that Yoonmi was the one who initially started cutting his hair off. She was given the shears by her stylist, and she was so hesitant while Jin just kept encouraging her with “How will I know if I look okay bald unless you start?”. So she cut his hair, only getting distracted a small bit when Yoongi and Jungkook came, then listened attentively as their stylist carefully explained what to do with the electric razor. She, with assistance from the stylist, evened out Seokjin’s shave until she stepped back, staring at him. “It looks good.” “Of course it does, look who you’re talking to”. The video cuts there, but the next of her seen in that context has teary eyes and is gripping tightly onto Yoongi’s hand.

SUGA (Min Yoongi)

Yoongi is still very much her dad, that never changed The only thing that changed over the years is how they both actually address the fact that Yoongi is her father figure, second only to her adoptive father, and on level with her adoptive brother. Even the other members sometimes address Yoongi ad “Yoonmi’s dad” at this point. Yoongi and Yoonmi remained each other’s silent comfort person, the person who takes their side and hears them out first, and the person who they can go to when they feel overwhelmed. He’s there to hold her hand when things go wrong, and she’s there to give him a hug when things don’t go as planned.

2yoon in ARMYs’ eyes: Yoongi and Yoonmi is everyone’s comfort duo. When they’re together, there’s an air of warmth and calm, so everyone feels better after a long day when they watch 2yoon content. They find Yoongi’s care and the way Yoonmi looks up to him to the point of taking after him endearing, especially knowing Yoongi is the one Yoonmi never fought after their mysterious conflict in 2018.

Iconic Moment: Yoonmi went to all three days of the D-Day Tour finale. She, of course, did her feature on ‘Seven’ for Jungkook. During the ment where he kept them with him on stage, he thanked and praised Jungkook for ‘Burn It’ and ‘Seven’ before turning to Yoonmi. “And our princess, my daughter. She has something coming out this month and surprisingly didn’t want to spoil it—” “Surprisingly?” “— so she had a special request. As you all know, our Miya did the demo vocals of one of my previous mixtapes. I got to perform this song with our vocal line, but never with our princess. Until today.” So they performed ‘So Far Away,’ and the proud look on Yoongi’s face by the end as he looked at her made every ARMY feel like their troubles all disappeared.

J-HOPE (Jung Hoseok)

Hoseok and Yoonmi treat each other like their own personal powerbanks. They could be tired, but, once they’ve spent time together, their energy levels go up. Yoonmi says that’s why she gravitates towards Hobi when drinking, because she’s usually a sleepy drunk. They like to escape together, as well, hanging out in the practice room or either of their studios where they experiment with different styles, genres, or just mess around to fuel their creativity. Of course, Hobi never stopped seeing her as his little prodigy, teaching her old school hiphop and openstyle dancing and watching her proudly while they learned new styles together.

Homi in ARMYs’ eyes: The two sunshines, that’s what they’re known as. Hobi brings in bright energy while Yoonmi makes everyone smile, making them everyone’s favorite duo to turn to when they want to laugh and get a pick-me-up. ARMYs love seeing Hobi treat Yoonmi like the little sister he’s never had but always wanted, too! Everyone knows both Hobi and his noona see Yoonmi as their youngest sibling at this point, which is why she even got Yoonmi to sing in her wedding reception.

Iconic Moment: Yoonmi vlogged her Lollapalooza experience, so some behind the scenes were uncovered there. Hoseok got Yoonmi to rehearse Chicken Noodle Soup with him while they were waiting for Becky, and the two ended up having so much fun that the band kept vamping the song, making it longer so the two could enjoy their mini cypher. “Oh, Yoona, you haven’t forgotten your basics!” “I have the best teacher!”

RM (Kim Namjoon)

It used to be just Namjoon sitting to absorb and analyze the way Yoonmi’s mind works when they’re together. Now, she does the same to him, curious about his inner thoughts. They spend a lot of their time together having deeper conversations, whether it be about life, work, music, or just their thoughts. On the other side of things, they’re both clumsy dorks who geek out over their recent reads or watches together, actively showing interest in each other’s preferences because Namjoon wants to stay as someone who understands her almost best and Yoonmi wants to stay someone he can be proud of. Especially with Yoonmi, she wants to make her leader proud of her.

Joonmi in ARMYs’ eyes: Though ARMY initially thought they were awkward, that image disappeared. ARMYs see Joonmi and see a little sister looking to her older brother for validation, and him happily giving her that validation. ARMYs also enjoy the fact that these two together can go from 0 to 100 real quick, on any end of the meter. From just having lunch they can either go to talking about their plans for the future to being stuck in a laughing fit on the floor over a plastic utensil they’ve broken.

Iconic Moment: During the live with just the five of them, Yoonmi was a lot quieter compared to how she usually is. Namjoon kept glancing at her and tapping her leg to get her to talk. At some point, he bent to whisper something to her, then, when Taehyung opened his mouth, Namjoon quickly pushed a piece of pizza there. In his efforts to do so, he knocked over three cups. He looked at Yoonmi, who was now laughing, and he just nodded at himself in satisfaction.

JIMIN (Park Jimin)

Yoonmi has not changed in Jimin’s eyes in the way that she’s still his youngest Busan Baby. Whenever she tells him she’s an adult now, he always pouts at her and goes on a spiel about how she’ll still be his baby even when they’re in their 80s and beyond that. He invites her over to his apartment a lot, or he just stays at her’s (partly because Jungkook and her niece are usually there as well) because he genuinely enjoys her company and being able to sit with her. He also takes every opportunity he can get to give her princess treatment because he believes she should always be treated like Bangtan’s princess (even though she’s trying to shake off the delicate image that had somehow formed over the years)

Minmi in ARMYs’ eyes: Minmi are both very very affectionate, with their habit of holding onto each other unknowingly. ARMYs have so many compilations of them sharing the tightest hugs or exchanging the softest forehead kisses, naming them the mythical siblings due to the way they treat each other. Everyone also loves how these two speak either in pout or in giggles, no in between!

Iconic Moment: Nobody thought Yoonmi would be able to make it to Jimin’s fanmeet due to her solo promotions, but, while he was going to take a photo with the attendees, the “staff” who came on stage removed her padded long coat, revealing Yoonmi. ARMY started cheering while Jimin’s jaw dropped, then he rushed up to hug her really tight. “Yah, how long have you been here?” “The past hour? I had this in my schedule, oppa. You didn’t think I would miss your documentary screening, did you?” “You’re really something else, aegi.”

V (Kim Taehyung)

Taehyung and Yoonmi both matured a lot more visible than the other members, so their dynamic shifted a little bit from overly-doting big brother and complying baby sister to a pair of siblings more along a similar wavelength. While they’re still quite playful and he still dotes on her, their age gap isn’t as prominent in their actions. It’s clear that they both see how each other have grown, and it’s something they like to just observe when they’re with each other. They’re proud of each other’s growth, but more proud of how they managed to keep their friendship completely intact despite both of them changing over the years.

Taemi in ARMYs’ eyes: Taehyung and Yoonmi started posting more content together, which everyone enjoyed since they used to keep their off-screen friendship mostly to themselves. Now ARMYs enjoy seeing their posts when they meet up to go to jazz clubs, have coffee, or just do anything together. ARMYs also love seeing how they shifted from over-excitable kids to more mature youths who support and take care of each other.

Iconic Moment: An ARMY saw them in a jazz club together. Allegedly, there were a few cocktails on the table, and the two of them seemed to be exchanging stories the entire time they were there, never once letting there be dead air. Apparently Tae also tried to play the saxophone and let out a really out of tune note, but Yoonmi just cheered him on. The ARMY was able to take a picture with them, saying that they were both happy to see her yet politely asked to not post anything while they were still there. She promised, and the two were said to have continued their night of stories and jazz music.

JUNGKOOK (Jeon Jungkook)

If anything can describe these two, it’s the phrase ‘ride or die’. Yoonmi and Jungkook would drop everything if the other called them and said they were in need. Almost thirteen years of friendship and growing up alongside each other really molded them into being two peas in a pod, especially since they both hit their twenties. They would see each other every other day and talk to each other at least once a day. Jungkook had gotten less overprotective (especially now that she has a boyfriend), and he has increased his role as the main mythbuster of Yoonmi’s delicate image. Yet, even with all their bickering and squabbling, they remain each other’s support systems and hypemen, connected in a way where they can work with and around each other without even needing to talk. Their friendship is further solidified by their matching tattoos (aside from the group’s matching 7 tatts) which they successfully kept between themselves for over a year. (The only people who saw these right after they got them were Mark and Namjoon. The tannies found out by accident)

Jungmi in ARMYs’ eyes: Ever since Bangtan first debuted, Jungkook and Yoonmi’s friendship has been something so many people, whether ARMY or not, have admired and set as a standard or wish for in their own best friends. ARMYs specifically love how they’re not afraid to roughhouse or bite back at each other but still have each other’s backs no matter what. Also Jungkook biased ARMY all have Yoonmi as a bias wrecker or vice verse because of the amount of content these two have and the amount of time they spend together. Everyone already knows when either of them get married Yoonmi would be Jungkook’s best man or Jungkook would be her Maid of Honor.

Iconic Moment: Jungkook hosted one of his early morning Weverse lives from her kitchen, cooking himself something to eat. At around four AM, the sound of a door opening and closing made him look to the side where he froze and smiled brightly. You hear her go, “Oppa, again? When did you get in my house?” and he just, “Three hours ago. Ramen?” “I’ll just grab some water and go back to sleep. Don’t wake Yoonseol.” And everyone was surprised. It was common knowledge that they went to each other’s apartments often, but they just revealed Jungkook goes to her place just whenever he wants because either he knows the code or has his fingerprint in her lock.

-previous-

taglist: @sunflower-0180 @seaoffangirling @yourwonderbelle @1-800-enhypennabi @kamiiyou @strwberrydinosaur @uraveragefangirlsposts @caratinylyfe @1-800-minji @one16core @kimhyejin3108 @chansols @akshverse @toriluvsfics @billboard-singer @stopeatread @allthings-fandoms @jammingjaem

drop an ask or a dm if you wanna be added or taken out of the taglist 🥰 requests are also open!

[raptorladylover6969]

The baby girl (Raptor Lady) herself may or may not be in imminent danger !!!! 🤨🤨

Okay so I like just came to this theory or conclusion after the events of the final episode of Chaos Theory, and I’m just thinking about it like oh goddddd if this concept/theory does become a thing I will curl up into a ball and cry.

So basically when The Handler had the Camp Fam cornered and ready to initiate the command for her atrocis to attack, she noticed that her dinos were hurt, so then shes like “AUR NAUR MY BABIES” and decides to retreat leaving the campers alone yayaya we get it, already been addressed, basic stuff right.

So then that got me thinking, she’ll have to notify the Broker eventually that she failed at her duty of killing the campers, and that they are heading to West Africa to face them off. The main question here is: “How would the Broker react to that?”

That one DPW guy Jensen says and I quote “Our boss doesn’t like loose ends.” and with the atrocis,“Gets the job done better than leaving it to chance with an allosaurus.” Jensen is basically saying that the Broker prefers to get things done quick and efficient. No questions, no hesitation. Make sure that no traces, no leads, nothing is left behind. No loose ends. But then in the finale, The Handler leaves the loosiest loose end of all time; letting the campers go by putting the wellbeing of her dinos first, which is certainly something nobody in the dino-trafficking gig could give two shits about. They just want money. They don’t care about the “health and wellbeing of the dinos.”

The Handler would obviously have to face some kind of consequence for this. She put the entire business in jeopardy because she let the campers go, now they’re on their way to Malta to put a stop to the whole gig all because of an empathetic woman. The Broker would most likely have her killed for this. “No loose ends” remember?

However, this could pave the way for some kind of redemption arc for her. This whole dino-trafficking thing seems very ooc for her to be apart of. She connects with the dinos on a psychological level. She can feel and understand their pain. Would she really be apart of a group that makes dinos suffer? Unless she was somehow forced to…but thats a theory for another day.

I think she’ll soon make an enemy of The Broker. A cool scene thing would be if she were to pull a Scar vs Hyenas from The Lion King onto The Broker‼️ Like if the Camp Fam finally stops the whole thing, the Broker is trying to get away, and they bump into the Raptor Lady, and they’re like “Oh its just you.” The Raptor Lady pulls out her whistle, and sends her atrocis after the person whos made them suffer for so long. (Someone make a fic of that. If not I’ll do it myself‼️)

I live for Raptor Lady becoming good guy pretty pls pls pls

[soupthatistohot]

BSD: An Absurdist Analysis - Chapter 9

How We Help Others

[Masterpost]

(Please note that this analysis is my first after updating my definition of the philosophy of the absurd, which has altered my understanding of the subject)

This chapter opens with Atsushi and Kunikida debating the fate of Kyouka. Kunikida demands she be handed over to the police as a known assassin of 35 people, where she will inevitably be put on death row. Additionally, if she returns to the mafia, she will be inevitably murdered for her betrayal. Atsushi is hesitant to turn her in, though, after having saved her in the previous chapter and seeing her humanity. 

Kunikida then argues on behalf of Atsushi’s self-preservation, claiming “I am not telling you to ignore the plights of the unfortunate. But in the world we live in, such misfortune is prevalent. Consider yourself a one-man boat. If you try to save someone you cannot, it will sink both of you.” This prompts Atsushi to internally question why Dazai chose to save him.

Essentially, Atsushi is being challenged as the absurdist protagonist. Kunikida is actually arguing on behalf of those who give in to the absurd reality. He basically says that the world sucks and we can’t save everyone, and while he has a point in terms of Atsushi’s self-preservation, he is ultimately suggesting that Atsushi give up on saving Kyouka because she’s a lost cause. 

This conflicts Atsushi, whose instinct is to help others — and as of right now, it is quite literally his reason for living. If he fails to save Kyouka, what does that make him? Especially after Dazai went out of his way to save Atsushi and give him a purpose. 

So what does Atsushi do? He stalls. He takes Kyouka out for a fun day in Yokohama rather than going straight to the military police as Kunikida ordered him to. It’s a rebellion against the idea that she’s beyond saving and serves as a reminder to the reader that Kyouka may be an assassin, but she’s also a thirteen-year-old, a rebellion against the absurd idea that a child should be sentenced to death.

Kyouka isn’t blind, though. She eventually leads Atsushi to the police station, intending to turn herself in… and then Akutagawa appears. 

Kyouka was bait. She won’t be punished for her betrayal, as this was the plan all along, unbeknownst to her. For Kyouka, it’s absurd — just when she thinks that she might be able to face her crimes by turning herself in, Akutagawa comes along to drag her back into the darkness. 

Meanwhile, Dazai has been “captured” by the Port Mafia and is locked in a dungeon, where Akutagawa comes to visit him (note that this takes place before Akutagawa sabotages Kyouka and Atsushi). 

This scene is the first time the connection between Akutagawa and Dazai is directly addressed, revealing that the latter trained the former during his time as a PM executive. Dazai very much slips back into his old ways here, criticizing Akutagawa harshly — complaining about how difficult he was, calling his ability useless, and claiming that Atsushi is ultimately better than him, goading Akutagawa into beating him multiple times. 

It’s interesting to see here how differently Dazai deals with Atsushi and Akutagawa, both his protogés. I don’t know for sure if he’s already planning to make them the new double black at this point, but I’d bet that he’s starting to. This is likely because at the current moment, Akutagawa’s reason for living is to impress Dazai, and Dazai knows this, so he’s trying to detach himself from being Akutagawa’s objective by pitting him against Atsushi.

I want to acknowledge here that while Dazai’s ultimate objective with Akutagawa is making him better, his methods are extremely dubious. While in the PM, he was verbally, physically, and psychologically abusive. Now, he tends to be more manipulative and cruel than anything else. This hits at the morally gray trend in BSD where no character is entirely “good” or “bad” — and this is reflective of the absurdity of our reality.

We try to assign black and white labels to everything, but that’s not how things work. Dazai can be striving to better Akutagawa, but use malicious, cruel methods to do so. This does not excuse his methodology, but can help us better understand his internal moral compass and character development. 

As always, please feel free to contribute to the discussion! Thanks for reading :>

[Previous] [Next]

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Hi Shalom, I am the anon who sent an ask about calling a shul last week. Before giving updates I would like to apologise for vomiting my anxiety all over the ask. We're strangers and you didn't ask for the job of calming my anxieties. I apologise for that.

Also, thank you for your faith in me, it gave me strength, because I did go to the shul. I was incredulous at myself, but I did do it. I had to go back to my home during the day as I had forgotten my ID but I still went back instead of giving up (the journey was one hour and a half total, next time I will remember).

The security literally used interrogator techniques on me, which I realised only later. I totally understand, I didn't know anyone there, I was not Jewish by my own confession, I could have been anyone. Anyway, I said if I shouldn't be here that evening it was fine (I didn't want to pose a security risk) he said "No! You can go tonight we talked about you."

What can I say about the experience but that it was- so much better than I expected. First, everyone was so opened and relaxed. I talked with two women behind me. I said it was my first time and asked some questions, and one of them was so nice. Said she couldn't read either the first time, that she had learned. Turns out she was a convert. I hesitated to tell her I wasn't Jewish, but I did. One thing I want to be is honest. Those people are literally putting themselves in danger, opening their space to a stranger, I owe them at least three time my honesty.

At one point during the office, I got teary eyes. The emotion of being there, honestly it surprised me, I don't really now what got me so emotional. Another moment, I felt like I was flying, wrapped in the singing of everyone around me.

Another thing is I was finally hearing people say Hashem, and Shma Israel and Shabbat Shalom and talking about the destruction of the Temple. It was as if I had finally found the correct dimension, you know?

It was so good. At the end the lady gave me her number told me I could text and we could drink coffee this week so that she could answer my questions.

The guy at the entrance told me to call the secretary to begin the procedure of conversion. I never said I wanted to, but apparently me wanting to assist to an office count as wanting to convert.

So, this has been a wonderful experience. I still I'm not sure if I want to convert or not. I will contact the lady. What I know is I want to learn everything, I want to go back to shul. What I don't know is, what level of observance can I sustain realistically over the term of my life? am I ready to confront my relatives reaction to this? And am I ready to put my children in danger over my calling to Judaism?

I will reflect and ask questions and think.

Thank you for reading, have a great day!

I want to start with: I am, genuinely, very proud of you. It might sound odd, but it is such an intimidating first step to take, and I can empathize with how scary it is. Additionally, I understand where you were coming from, and understood that these anxieties are hard to talk about with, really, anyone, but they need to go somewhere. Every step of the conversion process is a community project, even questioning if judaism is right will take a community to address. We can't survive alone in this, and I think part of exploring conversion is learning how to be in community. I think many of us grew up in hyper-individualistic communities to the point where we internalize shame by "stooping down" to seeking help. I don't want to assume what your situation is, but it's definitely been something I personally have had to contend with (and frankly, I still am contending with). So I truly understand why you went about your feelings the way you did - you didn't cause harm to me, I didn't feel like a therapist, and you it seemed like you needed community. That's nothing to be ashamed or guilty for. So long as we all remember that I am not an expert, I think we can at least have a heart-to-heart. My overall point is: I don't want for you to feel ashamed of needing community and asking for support, and I hope you don't feel that way. I'm glad you contacted me, and feel honored that you chose me to speak about it with. That's crazy to think about (in a good way, of course)!

I truly have so much faith in your path, and I found myself relating heavily in what you've expressed. I absolutely don't want to tell you what you ought to do, but I really hope you continue this journey no matter where it leads you. Keep asking those big questions - learning about what your needs are is so important. I can't answer them for you, and I don't want to assume that you want me to answer those for me, but if you ever want to talk, know that this blog is an option if you want it to be. All of this is a community effort. Chase the happiness. You deserve that, literally, at the very least

[nika6q]

Tech and Phee

So, I just read a bunch of arguments against this ship. And I don't really want to try to persuade anyone to feel either way. I just have some thoughts.

First off, I don't think Wanda Sykes works in this part. Personally I like to picture Sharon Duncan-Brewster. Also, I don't disagree that she comes off as a bit abrasive when we first meet her. But so did the Bad Batch, like waaaaay worse. It would be weird if she was some demure uwu girl.

There's actually a lot of parallels between them. They both make I'm seldom wrong, I'm always right comments. They have similar disregard for danger. They both have an intense (to the point of endangering themselves) love of knowledge and investigation.

They have both made communication blunders. I'm referring to the dreaded "it's called a conversation" incident. It's not fair to always expect women characters to be perfect so that the male character can work through their shit. This was still less hurtful than Tech's blunder with Omega. It's okay to make blunders. It happens to both men and women, and NT and ND people. We autistics can't expect NTs to immediately understand how to perfectly interact with us anymore that they can expect the same from us. It's not going to be perfect from the start. But they both have the patience and focus to get through that.

The build up. Ok, before the Pabu, I didn't see it. I don't think he did either. He clearly blue screened during the "head to these coordinates" shoulder touch. I think this is the "holy shit she is flirting" blue screen realization. I think after that it clicked for him, like ooooooh that's why she acts like that, okay. Suddenly, we see him smiling at her and interacting in a different way. Especially the "hold on scene". We've seen Tech carry Echo by him holding around his neck. We see Wrecker in this episode carry the old man the same way. It would have been very appropriate to carry her that way too. But no. He grabbed that lady around the waist without hesitation.

The goodbye. Again, this is just my read on the scene, but why was he hanging outside the ship? I think he wanted to say goodbye but didn't know how. Phee comes over (as he probably expected which is why he was out) and he just shutdown. This isn't a situation he's been in, it's not easy, he doesn't know how to function here. I don't think he was staring at his screen because he wanted to ignore her, it's because he fucking shutdown. I've addressed the "it's called a conversation" above, but I'll add that she didn't get pissed or shitty. She finally sees that he's not willing or able to have this conversation and she ends it with a goodbye and a kind smile. As she leaves, his look isn't a "thank God that shit's over" look. It's a longing look. Maybe he still has to work out his feelings. But there is something there.

This is as much build up as a show this short can fit in. There is literally not enough time for more. Considering the amount of storytelling they have to get to, it's actually quite a lot (IMO).

Again, these are just my thoughts. I'm not trying to invalidate if other people read it differently and don't ship it.

[bekkachaos]

BRIDGERTON THOUGHTS PRT 2 !

Send help it's literally more Polin I can't help it!

Once again, spoilers ahead for S3 part 2 so keep scrolling if you don't want em! This is my part 1.

It might be an unpopular opinion, but there was too much angst for me. Colin was too angsty for too long, and I know it was only really an episode and a half, But I felt like we got too much of book Colin's bad side and not enough understanding. Like I very much get it and he had a very valid reason for being hurt, but it was dragged almost to the very end of the last episode and I just wish there would have been a little less.

The constant asking if she was going to give up Whistledown kind of annoyed me and how cold he was every time they had that conversation just broke my heart a little bit for Penelope.

I know so much has been changed from books to show, but it's strange that in the book he knows about Whistledown before anything really happens, I mean they have that first kiss where she asks him to but everything else happens after he already knows. So for him to be so cold. Just made me feel sad. I understand it in the context of the show but still.

And something I really disliked was when they're in the room where they're going to have their wedding breakfast and Penelope asks something along the lines of "if you still want to marry me" and he says "I'm a man of honour and we were intimate", I really hate that it came to suggesting he would marry her out of obligation, It just really rubbed me the wrong way. And I wish it had been something along the lines of. "I love you Penelope and I want to marry you. I just don't know if I can forgive you for this", which he'd already said, but I would way rather that have been put out there than to ever even imply that he could marry her out of obligation. I know he was mad and betrayed and jealous, But that one line really bothers me. I've made a whole post basically saying this word for word but that's how strongly I feel about it! Like I get it from Colin's perspective and how he's grappling with it, I do, I just didn't like it.

Also, Colin never actually said sorry? For treating her like shit after he found out. Like I do think his feelings were valid and that he deserved to be upset, but he never said sorry for some of the stuff he said and for being cold even though Penelope apologised so many times.

Luke's emotion though when Colin found out and in the conversations after was incredible, when the tear fell at the end of ep 6 my heart stopped and then broke into tiny pieces!

Something about their pairing that I really like though is that they both feel inherently unlovable for one reason or another (Penelope has always felt completely unloved and overlooked, and Colin has always felt people showed him affections for shallow reasons and not actually for who he is), but both of them prove to each other over and over again how much they love the other and know the other and see them in a way no-one else does.

HOWEVER, I'm not sure they did a good enough job portraying Colin's side of this (I'll update on my rewatch send help). Not sure his coldness and hesitation was addressed enough as jealousy as it could have been. The scene where Penelope says "just love me and hold me and kiss me, what holds you back" and he says "I don't know" like was that just a little abrupt or was that just me? Because from the book I could follow that it's the jealousy of how accomplished she is but not sure the general audience picks up on that.

AND ANOTHER THING, there was absolutely not enough making up after everything was resolved with Whistledown, I needed more love and kisses and softness after the ball!

I know there were things being added to set up for the next season, but damn it was already 70 minutes long, what's 5 more of sweet and in love Polin??

Gotta say though, all of them with their babies in the end was adorable, and you can't deny the last shot kissing in the sunlight of the drawing room (where Penelope spent so much time staring out the window pining after Colin) was so fucking romantic! And the shot with their little baby boy, love!

One last thing, did they spend an exorbitant amount of time dancing or is that just me? Almost as much time as they all spent drinking lemonade in eps 1-4

Overall I loved their story, it's been my favourite pairing so far. Not sure any of the others will top it for me, but time will tell! Episodes 4-5 were definitely my favourites by a long shot!

Okay okay imma do part 3 with my thoughts on everything else 😂

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

I think you are one of the first people I've seen on here that doesn't try to hate on one of the characters while writing them. I'm curious, how would the M6 handle an MC with very low self esteem? I suffer from it and would love to see what you come up with ❤️

The Arcana HCs: M6 with an insecure MC

~ this is one of four requests I've received for an MC who's insecure/has low self esteem - as someone who can completely relate, here are your headcanons my loves, I hope you can receive these affirmations from fictional characters knowing that they come from a very real person who adores you all - brainrot ~

Julian

Oh, he gets it

Sure, he never hesitates to ask for what he wants, but that doesn't mean he thinks he deserves any of it

He can recognize those moments of doubt in your eyes as soon as they appear, because he knows exactly what they feel like on his own face

Which makes his heart ache for you, he knows how crappy that feels and of all the people he knows you deserve it the least

Normally when this happens his instinct is to fawn over you to the point of becoming a public embarrassment

This usually works, but sometimes when you hit a rut like this you just need something to get you out of your own head and enjoy the life you've built for yourself

He's taking you dancing

It helps everything! Focusing on the motions gets you out of your head, it's a fantastic way to initiate some physical contact, and by the time you're worn out you've had too much fun to keep worrying

Once you've reached that point you're fair game for affirmations: what a lovely dancer you are, the way you move is breathtaking, how is he supposed to enjoy dancing without you again?

Asra

On one hand, their love for you is so unconditional that they have a difficult time understanding the source of your doubts

He would love you in any shape, with any name, with any identity. If it's you that's all that matters to him

Why are you worrying about certain details about yourself when none of them change who you fundamentally are?

On the other hand, they know perfectly well what it's like to doubt themself or feel lacking

Once you two are together it's less common for you to spiral because he doesn't let you go five minutes without giving you a boost of some kind

Every morning comes with a tidal wave of subtle compliments. They will flirt with you mercilessly and go out of their way to admire any specific thing about yourself that tends to be a sticking point for you

On the days when it does get bad, he'll pick a place or activity that brings out something he knows you like about yourself

You're a good singer? You're proud of your magic? They'll take you back to the cave to practice combining the two

So many kisses, everywhere, all the time

Nadia

She doesn't struggle with it in the same way, but you've met her family

Being the youngest in a large family of exceptional people, parents with public and demanding roles, and lots of big personalities leaves very little room for self-discovery and confidence

I mean it was bad enough for her to marry Lucio and leave Prakra

She's come a really long way, and been able to address the source of her insecurities, but she remembers what it was like

Her default is already to take every opportunity to fluster you, so even if it's not on purpose you never have to doubt her affections

But she makes being a Countess look easy, she has years of education and good upbringing on top of her natural talents, and you're a humble court magician who was relearning how to exist less than three years ago

She is committed to seeing you succeed in the Palace. She'll happily spend hours teaching you the ins and outs of diplomacy and etiquette in the most delightful ways

But she'll also make sure the two of you regularly visit your old haunts, simply to highlight the things you excel at that she doesn't and to prove to you that you two are truly equals

Muriel

You've seen him go wide eyed before, but one of the times that really sticks in your memory is the moment you casually told him that he could do a lot better than you

Until he met you, he went through life with a total of one (1) friend who had a crippling combination of wanderlust and attachment issues

The fact that he's able to have a relationship with you at all is a miraculous win in his mind

He knows he's not the best at expressing his feelings, but if it's your self-esteem on the line he will learn and he will do his best

The first time he hears you voice your insecurities he's dropping whatever he's doing and sitting next to you

He'll take your hand and wait, as patiently as you need him to, until you've told him everything that's bothering you

He's not the most eloquent person, but he knows the importance of responding to your doubts and he'll painstakingly address each one, out loud, telling you that it's not true and why

On a day to day basis, he makes a point of acknowledging all the ways you make his life better with little words or smiles or touches

Portia

She's a generally easy going person, she knows all her own faults and how to acknowledge and live with them

However, she has her own brand of low self-esteem and it fuels her workaholic tendencies

So much of her life has revolved around the people next to her being the main characters that she has a hard time seeing herself as having any relevance unless she's playing a support role

And then one day she hears you, the exciting, mysterious magician who turns every day into an adventure, casually question your own worth and relevance out loud

She has to process it for a moment before she can respond. Important people experience this too? This isn't in her novels

She'll ask you about it right away. What do you mean when you say that? Why do you think that?

Talking to you proves two things to her: that her own feelings do not make her unimportant, and that you are not as indestructible as she assumed you were

She'll write her favorite qualities down about you and have you do the same, and now you say your affirmations to each other every morning

Lucio

This guy had questioned himself maybe three times in his life before he met you

He thinks he's an above-average dude on his humbler days. He hates acknowledging his oopsies because the consequences scare him, not because he thinks they make him a bad person

He adores you, you keep the world in perspective for him, and he knows how important that and the way you've helped him grow is

But he subconsciously contributes to your struggles at first. Any unique trait is teasing material to him, it never occurred to him that the stuff he comments on might be sensitive for you

Until the day he notices you change your appearance and have a hard time responding to him

Why did you change your clothes to hide that part of your body? Why don't you take credit for your work any more? Why don't you believe him when he compliments you?

When you manage to tell him, he feels awful about it. He doesn't know what it's like to be insecure, but he does know what it's like to want somebody's approval and acceptance

It'll take a while, but he'll prove all the doubts he caused wrong and then tackle the rest. How is he supposed to shine without you as a light source anyway?

[sophiapixel45]

I don't get all the Sonia hate

I know there's a lot of criticism raised against the sdr2 survivors (a lot of which I feel isn't really fair), but most of it is against Sonia.

Admittedly, her character arc isn't near comparable to Fuyuhiko or Hajime but I think its kind of close to Akane's. Likewise, why would you say that Sonia didn't get a character arc when Kazuichi is right there.

I'm gonna talk about him first because sometimes he annoys me. Sometimes.

Kazuichi has some of the clearest character flaws out of everyone, the only people who are more clearly flawed are Fuyuhiko, Nagito, and Hiyoko. They all have this addressed several times in the narrative, even if they don't fully develop from it in the end. Kazuichi doesn't even really have it acknowledged by the narrative. It's been a while since I've played his FTEs, but a key part of that is that he's got trust issues and he's a coward. He's still a coward at the end, but I don't care too much about that. What's worse is that he still can't trust others.

At times, it's suggested that he outgrows his trust issues, with how clingy he can be with Fuyuhiko and Hajime. Yet, he'll still turn on either of them at the drop of a hat. Kazuichi suspects Fuyuhiko a lot during the fifth trial, and very openly voices that without hesitation. He still doesn't trust him.

Still he spends more time with Hajime throughout the story and turns on him far more often. Not only does he accuse him of being the traitor constantly in chapter four due to the advice of someone he knows he shouldn't trust, but he clearly still thinks this until the beginning of chapter five.

The two worst cases of this that go unaddressed is trial five (again) and chapter six. Of the cast, he's the only one to immediately blame Chiaki for being the traitor, accusing her of tricking them. The others are only willing to believe she's the traitor because they trust her first and foremost. Not him. He takes it and runs without to doubt the entirety of Chiaki's character.

Again, this would be fine if he ever grew from it.

Yet, not only does no one really care about it, but he does it again in chapter six. When Hajime's accused of being the mastermind, he's the first to accuse him of tricking them. In contrast, Sonia says that she doesn't want any last minute plot twists (I'll come back to this later). He doesn't apologise for being so sceptical and everyone just knows this is how Kazuichi is at his core.

He comes out of chapter six having being the same person he was in chapter one, just having cried a little more.

Now onto Sonia.

Sonia is relatively actively compared to most other characters. She sets up the get together between the girls in chapter 2, trying to bond with them all in the way that no one else has really been doing in Imposter's absence. She's more upset than most others for Mahiru's death and seems to feel more guilt and responsibility for that. It seems those feelings directly lead into her being more active during the investigation and later contributing a good amount of evidence in the trial.

Even if she's not as active in chapter three and four, there's still substance for her here.

I always liked how the connection between her and Gundham felt real. They're both kind of dweebs who get a chance to bond over their shared interests, especially since they are each somewhat different from the rest of the cast. Obviously Gundham speaks in a way that no one else does and people generally don't take him seriously because of it, but Sonia's a foreigner who doesn't really understand the culture that she's in. What's more, she's never been treated normally even in her home country. Kazuichi pushes that narrative of her difference; Gundham doesn't care. The romance is cute without being too over the top.

Kazuichi never has any meaningful relationship with another character (that isn't entirely one sided). He's the only survivor who doesn't do so and thus loses the chances for emotion.

Sonia's actual character development doesn't start until the end of chapter four and well into chapter five. I think this is more so because of the cast I think that Sonia's more down to earth in the fact that her character flaws aren't glaringly obvious. She's overly emotional to the point that it inhibits her ability to act in a rational way, but this only becomes clear as the game continues and she actually becomes closer to the others. She defends Gundham, but she also is the only one to defend Nagito in trial 4 because she - in one way another - has faith in his character.

It starts with not just Gundham's sacrifice but the reason that he did it. Gundham believed in living.

Sonia doesn't just cry over Gundham, but she takes what he said to her to heart. Like Fuyuhiko, she takes what the person she loved thought seriously. She carried Gundham's wishes for her survival and everyone else's through into chapter five and refuses to give up as a result. Even when the others do, she doesn't just follow what they think but is trying to outsmart Nagito. Even if she fails, she keeps going. Her lack of faith in Kazuichi's more aggressive solution makes her use her own intelligence and the logical people she can trust (Hajime) to continue taking matters into her own hands without undermining the decision of the others.

But still, despite her efforts, she's still flawed by the end of chapter five. She, along with the others, fails to stop Nagito. She struggles against Chiaki's confession more than anyone else.

In chapter six, she's grown since the start of the game. When Hajime is accused of being the mastermind, although she's unwilling to believe such a thing, she's no longer too emotional to even consider the idea. She's grown, but not quite enough yet; she wants to cling onto a fake image of the past than the future. Gundham told her to keep living and so did Chiaki but, for a moment, she wants to see them both again. She still has her overly emotional mannerisms, but the influence of Chiaki and Hajime in the end pushes her to overcome it, just as she grew throughout the story to be capable of.

Although pretty subtle, her choice at the end is one of the most meaningful to her overall journey.

I thinks there's one final thing to be said in that she came to Hope's Peak, in a way, to hone her talents and become queen. But, instead, at the end, she's left with no kingdom to inherit by the time she's grown up enough to be capable of it. I think she's another testament to a character being more than a talent; choosing themselves over talents, just like Hajime. She grew into her own person in the end independent of everything she had come from.

Anyways, she's definitely worthy of having survived the game. And, for the record, I still like Soda.

[nothingtoseeherebyeexx]

Delicate, Chapter One: Mary

next chapter >

ok so. here it is. i’m so fucking terrified hahahaha

i’d like to specify that 1) this is an experiment 2) i’m not 100% sure where i’m going w it and i don’t even know what title to put but i’ll think about it (eventually) 3) i’ll post it here on tumblr first and *maybe* one day i’ll publish it on ao3. for now, however, i want this to stay here where i can change/delete whenever i want :)

and, 4) english isn’t my first language, so bear with me. Enjoy!

CW: drinking, mentions of drug abuse, mommy issues™️

It was very fucking hot.

Too fucking hot, in Narcissa’s opinion.

The windows of her car were rolled down, her sweaty forehead rested against the wheel, hair sticking to the melting plastic. There were many things to be annoyed at, really, but all Narcissa could think about were those suitcases in the back seats behind her, and the realisation she had run away from home.

“He followed in his brother’s footsteps, surely. Poor Walburga, she must be destroyed now that even her spare star has abandoned her.”

Regulus was only 18, and arguably Narcissa’s favourite cousin: he cared about their family’s reputation in the acting and music industry, just like her, and he was willing to do everything to become famous, for his name’s sake.

Oh, he had also been left behind and forgotten by an older sibling, which was another thing they had bonded over.

Narcissa thought that out of everyone in that deranged family, Regulus was the one she could really, fully understand.

Except maybe Narcissa didn’t know him that well after all, because he had left. As soon as he had legally become an adult, he had hopped off that derailing train that was the Black family, and had continued to pursue his acting career independently from his mother.

And Narcissa was still there.

24 years old, still following her parents’ orders like a puppet, her strings attached to her Father’s label. It had probably fucked her up a bit: it would’ve broken her Mother’s heart to know, but she had been running on drugs and alcohol for years now.

And drugs and alcohol were in her system while she was standing in her room, the news about Regulus still floating in her head.

She had been here before.

When Sirius had left.

When Andy-

She had thrown all the clothes she could fit into two suitcases, filled a couple of bags with few personal belongings (papers, essential equipment for singing) and she had gotten into her Mercedes, and started the engine.

But now the high had worn off, and she was slowly boiling to death in the cabin of her car, parked in front of a building she couldn’t even look at.

“If you ever change your mind, Narcissa, this is the address. My brother and I would be delighted to work with you.”

The Bones Records building was towering over her, glorious. Presumptuous, even, like Amelia Bones herself. Daring her to enter with a shine of its windows, a sparkle of her eyes.

In the end, she had stepped out of the car.

And Narcissa Black stepped into a new life.

~

Mary was pacing back and forth in the cold November air, an impossibly heavy usb drive in her pocket, trying to slow down her own heartbeat.

And, possibly, ring the doorbell of the mansion standing in front of her.

That day, Mary had taken a detour after work, her mind set on a plan. But right at the last step, she had discovered that the possibility of changing her future with a simple touch terrified her, and so she hesitated.

She had done scarier things in her past: babysitting her younger, reckless brothers, eating the suspicious meals her high school had to offer, doing her homework while the teacher was collecting it.

Pushing a button should sound like an incredibly simple task.

With herculean effort, she rang the doorbell.

No answer.

She rang again.

“Coming, coming!” chanted a slightly irritated woman, stomping towards the door.

Mary knew that voice, of course.

She’d listened to it for years.

Leaning against the doorframe, with an inquisitive look, was Narcissa Black.

However, with her long, blonde hair precariously pinned up, sporting old pyjamas and bags under her eyes, the singer was very different from how Mary was used to seeing her in magazines and interviews.

Wait, what time was it? It had gotten dark, how long had Mary been walking up and down the street like an idiot?

“Hello? Anything i can do for you?” asked Narcissa, with a raised brow.

“Uhm, yes, actually,” replied Mary, now intent on getting this whole conversation over with. “I’m Mary Macdonald. I’ve been your fan since your debut under the Black Studios-“

“Sorry, girl, but if you want an autograph, showing up at my door isn’t exactly the best way to get it.” interrupted Narcissa, now clearly annoyed by the whole situation.

But Mary had come prepared.

“It’s not an autograph i’m after, really. I wanted you to listen to these songs-“

“You’re brave, I’ll admit, knocking at my door in the middle of the night. But i’m no talent scout, so I suggest you take your songs, that i bet are very promising, and take them to someone that will know what to do with them. Maybe try contacting them a bit earlier.” sniffed Narcissa, already closing the door. Her movements were a bit slow, careful, like her hand could slip from the handle if she didn’t focus on it.

“Wait!” Mary stopped the door with her foot, fully catching Narcissa’s attention. She smelled of alcohol, but Mary guessed that famous people could afford getting wasted whenever they wanted, even on a random Tuesday night.

“Please. I want to become a singer, and I need you to listen to this. If you don’t like it, or think it’s not good enough, I won’t bother you, but i need someone to give me a chance. Please.” Mary pleaded, trying her best to convey her desperation through her eyes. Never once in her life had she ever begged for something, but God did she hate it. She was willing to make this sacrifice, for once.

Narcissa regarded her carefully, considering how big of a threat (or annoyance) the young woman in front of her could be. She sighed.

“Fine, come inside. And close the door.”

Mary followed the woman (who was muttering about how bravery, audacity and stupidity all go hand in hand) into her home. Honestly, she didn’t think she would’ve gotten this far with the plan, and when realized she was stepping into Narcissa Black’s residence, she tried to memorize every single detail.

The white walls were decorated with various paintings in different styles, and there were magazines everywhere, left open on the articles about members of the Black family: Bellatrix’s imminent marriage, Regulus’ Oscar nomination, Sirius’ new dog…

Mary wondered if, one day, her mother would be reading news about her from magazines, too. If she was ever going to swallow her pride, accepting that she had been wrong all along.

But first, she needed someone to get her into the Bones Studios.

She had heard Amelia and Edgar Bones weren’t afraid of working with new, young artists. They took risks in their investments, and Narcissa was a clear example of that: working with a fleeting, already successful singer and changing her whole image was a dangerous move, but it had made the label famous: the twins undoubtedly owed part of their success to Narcissa, and Mary hoped she could sneakily make her way under the singer’s wing and work her way up from there.

So. she had to get Narcissa’s approval.

“Ignore the mess, you chose a bad night to come knocking at my door.” said the woman, plopping herself onto a red velvet sofa and picking a half-full glass of wine from the round coffee table in front of her. She took a sip, opened her expensive laptop (one day Mary, one day), but then she gulped and started clicking the keys agitatedly, like she had seen something disturbing on the screen and desperately wanted to delete it.

Mary stood awkwardly in front of her, the usb drive in her hand and a mess in her head.

“So? Are you going to stand there and do nothing? Take seat, give me that drive, and have a glass of wine, honey, you look horrified.” prompted Narcissa, pointing to the couch and the bottle in front of her with her chin.

“Oh I…I don’t drink,” replied Mary, giving the other woman her drive and sitting down. The couch was surprisingly comfortable, the material soft. The whole house, although a bit messy and smelling of alcohol, felt expensive. One day, one day.

“Mh, I should’ve guessed,” smiled Narcissa, looking up from the screen for an instant.

“You should’ve seen your face when you came in! Nose scrunched like a child. Are you doing it for religious reasons?”

“Not really,” Mary watched Narcissa getting up and searching for something around her, inside a bag, under the table. It was a long story, and surely not one enjoyable enough to be a conversation starter, so she just kept quiet.

“Well, it’s not like you have to get blacked-out drunk every time you drink. I hope one day you’ll find it in yourself to enjoy some tasteful liquor again.” Narcissa replied, pulling out a set of headphones from the sofa’s pillows.

“Now, I’ll listen to your…15 songs?!” Narcissa gave her an incredulous look. “That’s a whole-ass album! Did you write it yourself?”

“I wrote the music, the lyrics, arranged everything together, and sang. But it’s just…something i’ve been working on as practice, since i couldn’t get into a conservatory. I ended up liking it, though”

For Mary, her lack of professional musical knowledge was a sore subject: she had tried to make up for it on her own, but most talent scouts lost interest in her after guessing her family’s financial situation, so she’d had to compensate her lack of money with an abundance of nerve.

And there she was. Sitting on Narcissa Black’s couch, waiting for her opinion on her work like a sinner’s soul on Judgement Day.

Mary, upon telling Narcissa (born rich and famous) about her self-studying, had expected disdain, but surprisingly, Narcissa was looking at her with something uncannily resembling respect.

Mary watched her wine-stained lips curl with fondness. “‘No one cares about artists unless they’re not penniless’, right?”

“You can say that, yeah”

“Then I’ll be the one to start. I’ll be back in…63 minutes. Don’t wander around the house. The bathroom is the first room on the right, next to the painting of the girl with her tits out.”

Mary nodded, but stayed on the couch. Her leg kept bouncing, her palms were sweaty, and Narcissa was looking right at her, which was really not helping. She couldn’t even let her mind drift somewhere more calming, since that pair of blue, wide-opened eyes were fixed on hers.

Just as Mary had started to worry the eye contact would last all 63 minutes, Narcissa inhaled sharply and conjoined her hands in front of her face, like a prayer, closing her eyes.

Were all artists this…strange?

Narcissa stayed like that for about 37 minutes, and now Mary suspected she had fallen asleep.

Mary went to the bathroom, appreciated the painting’s tits, came back. The scene hadn’t changed.

After a while, Narcissa lowered her headset, deep in thought, eyes still closed.

Then she got up swiftly, removed the drive from the computer, and led Mary to the door. “I’ll talk to Amelia. Give me your phone number and I’ll let you know in a few days. Can you send me a copy of the tracks? I want her to listen to your work.”

“…Just like this? You don’t have any…criticism, comments, questions, anything? I made you listen to my songs and-“

“Mary,” Narcissa interrupted, taking the girl’s face in her hands in an unexpected display of affection. “I like your style. You have an amazing voice, the songs are surprisingly good for a beginner. You lack a bit of technique and some aspects need to be refined, but it’s nothing a bit of practice can’t solve.” She patted her cheek. “Plus, you have the guts, and they’re always useful in the music industry. Let me talk to Amelia. I’ll get back to you.”

“I-Woah. Thank you. Woah. Okay, uhm, this is my number…” After Narcissa had typed and double-checked the digits (double-checked! Was she really going to call her back?), she gave her her email address, wished her goodnight, and Mary was left standing in the porch, still shocked.

It was happening. It was really, actually happening. Oh, Mary wanted to scream, to walk up and down the street like she had done just two hours before: she caught Narcissa Black’s attention! Her dreams had a chance of finally coming true, the life she had always wanted was getting closer and-

“Wait,” Narcissa’s head reappeared, temporarily knocking Mary out of her hysterical state. “Before you go…how did you find my address?”

“Y-You’re a famous singer. It wasn’t that hard.”

“Ugh. What a bother. Whatever, goodnight.”

~

Mary was lightly strumming her guitar, humming lyrics quietly on her bed, window open despite the cold. She loved those early-winter afternoons, when the sun sunk earlier and the air was crisp, the smell of rain a constant reminder of the clouds in the sky.

Narcissa hadn’t called her yet, but it had only been a couple of days, so Mary still held hope and spent most of her free time in her room practising and recording.

Then her mother entered her bedroom. She had just come back from work, still had the shoes and jacket on. Mary hadn’t noticed her at first, but she immediately stopped playing when she did, feeling guilty and then hating herself for it.

To be completely honest, Mary wasn’t sure her mum liked her.

She loved Mary, of course, but because she happened to be her mother. Not because she chose to. Affection born from blood, something a mother is expected to give.

“Mum, I didn’t hear you come in, do you need me to lay the table for dinner?” Mary asked, watching her mother sitting down on the bed in front of her.

She was eyeing her guitar, her notebook and her computer like she didn’t know what to do with them. What to do with Mary.

“No, no, it’s okay. Your brother can do it, he’s old enough now,” she answered with a weak smile, still not meeting Mary’s gaze. She knew the two of them looked quite similar: same dark skin, curly hair, the same dimples that appeared when they smiled. However, Mary also noticed her mother’s wrinkles, proof of a life spent worrying and worrying, the way her shoulders seemed to be carrying the weight of the world, the way she sighed instead of exhaling when she breathed.

“Are you playing something?”

“Yes, actually,” Mary knew this was an attempt. It wouldn’t get them anywhere, but she was thankful for it regardless. “Do you want to listen?”

“…it would be a waste of time, darling, you know I don’t really get these…things,” her mother replied, still smiling sadly with her hands on her lap.

One step forward, two steps back, always retreating. Mary didn’t know what was she expecting, really. Her mother never got it, and had never showed any interest in trying.

“Did you want to talk about something specific?” Mary asked, curtly.

Her mum stayed silent for a moment.

“…Let me read a verse or two, love,” she complied. Mary offered her the notebook, carefully watching her read her songs, her soul.

“Do you like them?”

Mary was met with unreadable dark eyes. And a sad smile. Mary was so tired of sad smiles.

Narcissa said they were good. She just wants you to give up.

She closed her stinging eyes, and felt the warmth of a calloused hand on her face.

“You’re a beautiful girl, Mary,”

“…So?”

“You could get a good job easily-“

“I do have a job” Mary glared at her mother, swatting her hand away.

“A part-time job-“ she replied, slightly frustrated.

“Did you want to talk about anything specific?” Mary could hear her voice break and feel a tear run down her cheek. Fuck.

The two just stared at each other.

Mary wished she didn’t have to choose between her mother’s approval and herself.

“It’s nothing, really. I’ll go make dinner.”

Another step back.

And Mary was alone in her room.

~

narcissa black here, i need you to come to my place asap.

if this isn’t mary macdonald, i was joking. this isn’t narcissa black, it was a prank.

Mary had just come back from her morning shift at the cafe (Madame Puddifoot, serving the best food!), when Narcissa texted her. She had almost tripped on the doorway.

this is mary macdonald

sorry, do you mind sending the address?

Narcissa replied shortly after.

…you funny bitch.

Mary was at Narcissa’s place in thirty minutes, and before she could even lift her hand, Narcissa had opened the door, leaning against it. She was dressed casually, hair down and eyes bright with trouble.

“Hello sweetie, thanks for coming,” Narcissa greeted, but she kept standing there, a bit awkwardly.

“…Hi, has something happened? Did Amelia call you?”

Narcissa’s eyes widened.

“Oh no, love, I would’ve told you if I had heard from her. But something did happen, yes, and I wanted to show you,” she said with a smile, moving towards the middle of the doorway. Mary jumped back in horror, but she managed to not scream: Narcissa had a fucking snake, with black and blue scales, wrapped around her forearm. And it looked terribly real and alive.

“Narcissa what the hell??”

But the woman was still smiling, delighted by Mary’s reaction and the creature slithering up her arm. “I bought a snake!”

“I can fucking see it! But why?”

“If you’re going to be so loud about it, it’s better if we go inside,” and Narcissa led Mary to the living room. Everything looked tidier than last time, even Narcissa herself seemed more put together, although she was playing with a potentially poisonous reptile while walking towards the red sofa.

“…You’d better put it in its tank, Narcissa,” Mary suggested sitting as far from her as possible. The other woman just looked at her in confusion.

“Tank?”

Mary blinked slowly. “Where do you keep it, Narcissa?”

“I don’t have a dedicated place for her yet, but I was thinking of keeping her in my room.” Narcissa answered, offering a finger to the dark snake.

“Didn’t they give you a tank at the pet shop? And why are you putting you fingers near her?” Mary was staring at Narcissa, appalled. How did this woman survive for so long?

“She’s not poisonous, she kills by strangling her preys,” Narcissa said like a proud mother, “And they did give me a tank, but I didn’t like it so I threw it away. I was thinking of letting her sleep next to me.”

“That’s-I’m-“ Mary stuttered, “God. We’re getting a tank, before she kills you in your sleep. Let’s go, I’ll drive.” She got up and took her car keys.

“Can I bring her with me? I don’t want her to feel lonely,” Narcissa explained as the snake made its way around her neck. Mary was progressively getting more and more afraid of Narcissa getting strangled under her very own eyes.

“Just…sit in the backseat and don’t get killed?”

“She would never. I’m her Ma,” Narcissa smiled grabbing a coat, a hat and sunglasses, probably to avoid being recognised in public. The downside of being a celebrity, Mary assumed, although her showy and very much alive necklace probably wasn’t of much help keeping a low profile.

When Mary had mustered up the courage to knock at Narcissa’s door, she hadn’t expected this: walking down the aisle of a pet store pushing a rusty cart, looking for a tank for Narcissa Black’s latest (and murderous) purchase.

She had been enthusiastic to find out she could decorate the tank, so she was looking for the rocks that would fit best with the rest of the furniture in her bedroom.

Because she wanted to keep the snake in her room, the freak.

“Just a question, Narcissa…How long have you had her?”

She turned around and checked her shiny watch. “About six hours. Why?”

“Was just wondering if you had actually slept with the thing. It sounds pretty dangerous.”

“Oh no, but we did take a nap together. I couldn’t find her when I woke up,” she turned back to the rocks. The black ones seemed to have piqued her interest.

“I still don’t know what to call her. Any suggestions?”

“Narcissa junior?” suggested Mary.

“That’s lazy. I want something…meaningful. Think about snakes. What do they do?”

Oh, so she was serious about it.

“I don’t know, they crawl around, lay eggs, eat rabbits…”

“Rabbits! I can work with that…White Rabbit?” Narcissa offered.

“It’s a bit long. Is it an Alice in Wonderland reference?” Mary answered.

“…Yeah, never-mind. What about Bunny?” Narcissa looked at Mary from above her heart-shaped sunglasses.

“You want to call your snake Bunny, because she eats rabbits.”

“Yes. It’s ironic, it’s cute, it’s perfect. Bunny.”

“Bunny it is, then.” Mary sighed with a soft smile, as Narcissa put the black rocks in the cart. “Why did you even buy a pet snake?”

“I have many reasons. But I won’t explain myself, and you’ll have to deal with it.”

“Fair. Why did you text me, though?” Mary asked. She was just a random fan, after all, and although she wasn’t complaining, she was a bit disoriented.

Narcissa simply shrugged. “Because Amelia would’ve ripped me to pieces, Edgar would’ve acted like a disappointed father, and I’ve listened to your songs, so we’re basically best friends now.”

“You see, it’s the last passage that I don’t get,” Mary replied while Narcissa put the rocks in the shopping cart. “Do you consider friends all the singers you listen to?”

Narcissa walked next to her as they were approaching the register. “Only the ones that make me feel like I know them. Mary, I don’t think you understand the power music holds.”

The cashier, a poor teenage girl, was too worried about the snake wrapped around Narcissa’s neck to question her suspicious outfit.

“Is-is that a real snake?”

“Yes, darling. Why are you surprised, we’re in a pet shop, after all,” Narcissa answered, lowering her sunglasses. The cashier’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Are-are you Narcissa Black?”

“Yes, sweetie. I’d like to pay for my little girl’s needs, please.”

“S-sure.”

Mary watched the girl, and wondered if her hands were trembling because of the reptile or Narcissa.

As I was saying, Mary,” the woman continued once they were out of the shop, marching towards the car.

“Music is powerful. One of the best things about being a songwriter is that you can reveal the world all the thoughts you keep in your mind, the memories you hold close, your regrets or hopes. I liked your songs, Mary, because when I listened to them I got to know you. Music is clearly very important to you, you’re a voice screaming to be heard, love.”

“Narcissa,” Mary called, voice a bit hoarse. She had to shut her up in some way or she’d start crying in the car park and then die of embarrassment.

“Mary,” She replied.

“Should Amelia refuse to sign a contract with me, I want you to know that I’m glad you gave me a chance. It’s more than anyone has ever done, so thank you.” Mary smiled, grateful.

Narcissa looked at her, layers and layers of emotions Mary couldn’t quite decipher in her eyes.

“It’s nothing, really,” she nodded towards the car, not too far from them. “Now get in, before you start crying in the middle of a car park.”

“No offense, but fuck you.” Mary replied pulling out the keys, while Narcissa laughed, Bunny resting around her shoulders.

~

come to my place

there’s a surprise for you

For the third time that week, Mary knocked at Narcissa’s door. She was getting used to the singer’s cryptic texts, and had learnt to expect the unexpected: she was now wondering if Narcissa had bought a snake for her, too, or if she had found some top-quality tree branches for Bunny’s tank and needed an opinion.

However, when Amelia Bones opened the front door, Mary was admittedly caught by surprise.

“Amelia Bones,” she offered her hand, straight to the point. Mary held it, but she was interrupted before she could even introduce herself.

“So here’s the Mary Macdonald I’ve heard so much about. Come inside, you have a contract to sign,” she lead her to Narcissa’s kitchen, like it was her own house. Narcissa was sitting on a tall seat and leaning on the marble counter, placid like a cat.

Amelia and Narcissa looked quite similar, next to each other. The blonde, straight hair, the attentive eyes, the relaxed demeanor of someone who doesn’t get fucked with.

Overall, really intimidating.

“A few days ago, I happened to receive an email by our dearest Narcissa, with 15 songs and just two words, ‘Mary Macdonald’” began Amelia, in a calm tone. “Of course, I’m used to Narcissa’s enigmatic shit, so I wasn’t at all surprised by her temporary loss of words,” the other woman smiled at that.

“What did surprise me, though, were the tracks. I really liked them, Mary. So, I called Narcissa to explain the situation to me.”

Mary just nodded: most of her attention was focused on trying to read Amelia, the way she talked, her movements, her expressions. The rest was consumed by stopping herself from fidgeting.

“You are a brave one, girl. I appreciate that in an artist,” Amelia’s smile dropped. “But I need more. I’m not asking for a musical genius, of course. I need the promise of a star, something we can work with to create a legend. The substance is there, but we need to shape it to make you survive the industry, and it will take some time. You following me?”

“Yes,” replied Mary, because it seemed like an obvious question that still required an explicit, confident answer. Amelia seemed to appreciate it.

“Then this is where Narcissa comes in. She’s offered to become your guide, and help you in this process.”

“I won’t try to change you, Mary,” Narcissa chimed in, “I would help you on the technical preparation and with getting used to this type of life, and once we’re sure you can stand on your feet, we’ll let you go. In this way, I’ll lift some weight off of Amelia’s shoulders,” she smiled, patting her friend’s back, “who will only have to work on the production of the album. After all, the Bones Studios are still relatively small, all in the hands of the Bones twins alone. Are you in? You’re still in time to chicken out.”

Narcissa’s smile was challenging.

Amelia’s was unreadable.

Maybe they weren’t that similar, after all.

“I don’t see why I would refuse,” Mary replied. “Where do I sign?”

Amelia took out the contract, Mary read every single word carefully (and missed the impressed glance that passed between the other two women), and then signed it.

“Welcome to the family, Macdonald. Got any questions?”

“Please, Amelia, you’re itching to get out of here. I can play the evil manager for tonight.” Narcissa intervened, with raised eyebrows.

“It’s work, private matters come second. Mary, do you have any doubts about the contract? Or questions?”

“Not really, everything was pretty clear, and now Narcissa is legally obliged to answer all of my questions, so…”

“You heard her!” laughed Narcissa, “Now go or you’ll be late to your date.”

Amelia grabbed her coat from a chair, heading towards the door but still talking business. “Narcissa will tell me when she considers you ready to work on your debut album.”

“Yeah we know! Hurry, your Hestia is waiting!” Narcissa mocked as Amelia, who was flipping her off, closed the door behind herself.

“Hello,” Narcissa greeted, once it was just the two of them. “We’re coworkers now.”

“It seems so, yeah. That was…fast.” Mary answered, still a bit shaken.

She had just signed a contract with a label.

A real label.

And Narcissa Black was going to teach her to become a proper singer.

The Narcissa Black.

Mary was euphoric.

“Listen, I know you don’t drink, but I think we deserve to celebrate. Do you want a sip?” Narcissa said, pulling out an expensive-looking wine bottle and two fancy glasses.

“No pressure. If you don’t drink, I won’t either.”

Mary considered the offer. She was ecstatic, and she had grown to trust Narcissa, so maybe a glass wouldn’t be so harmful.

“Okay.” she answered, aware she didn’t sound too sure.

“Okay?” Narcissa repeated.

“I’ll take a glass. It’s the beginning of a new era, Narcissa.” Mary assured, sounding more certain. She felt like she could fight God, she wasn’t letting a glass of wine scare her anymore.

“That’s what I like to hear, sweetie,” Narcissa smiled, filling the two glasses. “Oh, and you can call me Cissa. You’re my student now!”

“Having you as a teacher will truly be an experience.” Mary grinned, lifting the glass to her lips.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

When Mary left Narcissa’s house, she did so with a newfound hope, and the taste of wine strong but harmless on her lips.

shoutout to @prongsxsluv for being the first to hear abt this <3

@imintothemaraudersera @jpg-of-dorian-slay (i’ve always loved your user no joke)

[dyns33]

The little angel

I wanted to do a little mob Oberyn and Ellaria with female reader. Not wonderful at the end, but I did it !

Y/N had not at all imagined what was going to happen to her when she helped an injured young woman.

It had seemed normal to her.

Not to find an injured woman near a trash can, but to help this poor lady. Well, maybe she could have been more suspicious when the woman refused to let Y/N call an ambulance, but there could have been plenty of valid reasons, like not having health insurance, or being afraid that her attacker would found her in the hospital.

So Y/N took the woman home and took care of her wounds, letting her sleep in her bed, helping her take a bath, and making her something to eat.

When she asked her about what had happened, the woman only smiled, stroking her cheek.

"Don't worry about that, sweetheart. I made a mistake, but everything will be fine. You won't have any problems because of me, I promise, and so it's best that you don't know anything. I just have to make a phone call."

"Oh. Of course."

The woman was so beautiful, it was impossible to say no to her.

She gave her phone to the woman who immediately called someone. My love, she had repeated several times, purring apologies and reassuring words, telling them that she was fine, that an adorable angel had helped her, and giving the address.

The woman returned the phone, still smiling.

“Oberyn is coming.”

Y/N noted that it wasn't a very common name, but she didn't comment. The woman said she shouldn't ask what happened or specific information about her life.

When someone knocked on the door, she still hesitated to open it. This Oberyn could be dangerous, if it was really him. It could also be the people who had hurt the woman and who were looking for her.

So she opened timidly, discovering a man. A very handsome man, tall, his shirt slightly open to reveal his muscular torso and tanned skin. With his piercing eyes and his severe demeanor, he scrutinized her for a long time.

"… Yes ?" she asked, trying not to sound nervous.

" I'm here for Ellaria."

"… I don't know any Ellaria."

“She said she was here.”

“You’re… What’s your name ?”

The question made him smile, a radiant and yet fleshy smile, which made her tremble. Y/N didn’t know if she was scared or if it was something else. As if they had known each other forever, he stroked her cheek as the woman had done.

"I see what she meant by adorable angel. As protective as beautiful. Let me see my paramour, dear little sun. I ran all night to find her, I need to see her."

The long kiss they shared told Y/N that Ellaria needed to see him as much as Oberyn did. Paramour he had said, a strange word, like his name.

She was happy that he was there, but the injured woman seemed less happy to learn that he had given her name.

“You gave mine.”

"So she'll let you in. I didn't say anything else, I promised her nothing would happen to her."

"I understand, my love. Forgive me, I couldn't resist, I like saying your name, and the little sun was so radiant, I wanted to hear her say it too."

"I know what you're thinking…" Ellaria sighed with a strange look.

“You thought so too, don’t lie to me.”

Y/N didn’t immediately understand what they had been thinking. It would be several months before she began to understand the two lovers' way of thinking.

With his huge smile, Oberyn turned to take her in his arms and thanked her for saving his precious Ellaria. He would have burned the whole world if anything had happened to her, and it was a miracle she was alive. Y/N was a miracle, their miracle. He really wanted to thank her.

When she said it wasn't necessary, he replied that it was nonsense. She deserved them to show her their gratitude, boldly and intensely. Y/N didn’t immediately understand what he meant by that.

Oberyn continued to smile as he touched her neck, while Ellaria seemed hesitant at first, before slowly getting up from the bed to join them.

They kissed her with as much passion as they had kissed each other. There was nothing else that morning, because Ellaria's injuries didn't allow it, and despite his desire to take Y/N right away, Oberyn preferred to share with his paramour.

So they left, thanking her again with words and kisses, purring against her lips and skin.

It felt like a dream, and Y/N thought it was all over when the door closed. After all, she hadn't done this to be rewarded, they had already shown their gratitude, and above all, even if she knew their first names, she had no way of contacting them, neither number nor address.

She forgot that Ellaria had used her phone to contact Oberyn, and that they knew her address.

First there were the flowers. Gifts. Then the calls, every day, to hear her voice, to know how she was, to whisper compliments, in addition to all the things they wanted to do to her.

When they came back to invite her to dinner, they were very clear. Y/N could say no. They wouldn't force her, even if they had only thought about her since they met and the moment she was in their bed would be one of the most wonderful of their lives.

"I have some questions."

“No, little sun.” Ellaria said kindly. “Don’t ask, believe me.”

Not knowing what they were doing, why someone had attacked the woman, how they had so much money, all these mysteries could have convinced Y/N to refuse their proposal, but as soon as Oberyn purred her name and Ellaria placed a hand on her, she was suddenly unable to think.

As they said, the night spent in their bed was incredible. Y/N thought at first that she would be the only one, but a week passed, several months, and they stayed together.

Yet she still didn't know what they were doing, even though it was obvious that it was dangerous and illegal. There were several strange calls, late appointments, yelling at employees who had done their jobs poorly.

There were also the other lovers.

Y/N didn't really know what to think the first time she discovered Oberyn and Ellaria in the middle of an orgy. It wasn't really a surprise, it was the sort of thing the couple seemed perfectly capable of doing. They hadn't hidden from her that they liked it. What hurt her was that they hadn't invited her.

“You’re not seeing things right.” sighed Ellaria, taking her in her arms.

“I don’t see anything, since you don’t tell me anything.”

"We can't, for your sake. But regarding our love, never doubt it. Know one thing, you are the only one we will never share with anyone, ever."

"Why ?"

"Why ?" Oberyn wondered, joining them under the sheets. "Because you are ours. Our angel, our sun, our princess. No one will touch you unless that's really what you want."

Jealousy was a new concept for the couple, who shared everything, with each other and with others. They didn't want to share their Y/N. Like they said, they would let her have lovers if she wanted, but it would break their hearts. They were even willing to not touch anyone else to make it fair if she asked them to.

Y/N didn’t ask them. She loved this feeling of being special. But she still wondered what exactly they were doing.

After a year, she had some semblance of an answer, because despite their best efforts, some began to understand how special she was to the couple, and while it was a unique feeling, it was also a weakness in this business.

Those who had attacked Ellaria to reach Oberyn Martell therefore thought it was smart to attack Y/N.

Very bad idea. Because if the woman was very important to the one called the prince of Dorne, the Red Viper, and touching her was the announcement of certain death, touching his solar angel was tantamount to asking for a slow and painful one.

While tied to a chair, blindfolded and crying while trying not to think about the blood coming from her wounds, Y/N heard things about the couple. What they were doing. The Martell family, controlled by the eldest brother, Doran. What they sold, bought, the people they controlled, who they killed.

Everything the youngest brother had done when he was only fifteen, messing around with alcohol, drugs, men and women, not respecting the rules.

“If anyone here doesn’t follow the rules, it’s you.”

"Asshole, how did you get in ?!"

"Through the door, after taking care of your friends. You touched my little sun, even though she had nothing to do with our business. You should be ashamed, but don't worry, you will pay. Let me cut off his legs, Ellaria, and then he'll be all yours."

"Thank you, my love. But I would prefer that we bring him back and deal with him later. Our angel first."

"Of course, you're right, as always."

Y/N could have been scared seeing Oberyn and Ellaria. After everything she had heard, what she had suffered. The blood on their hands. But they looked so panicked, so nervous, so happy to have her back, that she decided to wait, throwing herself into their arms as soon as she was untied.

They held her close to them all the way home, kissing and rocking her, repeating that she had been very brave, and that they were sorry for not having protected her as they had promised.

“If you want to leave, we’ll understand.” Oberyn murmured without being able to look at her, looking serious and sad. "I would have liked you to never experience this, that you only had beautiful things in your life. That's what we wanted to offer you, Ellaria and I. But if you don't love us anymore after this night, you can leave. You won't have to worry about anything, you will have money, and no one will ever hurt you again."

"I… I don't want to leave. I don't even know if I want to know who these people were. I've heard enough, I think. Horrible things. But I know you and you're not horrible."

“We can be very dangerous.” sighed Ellaria. "Cruel. Merciless. But not to you, never to you. Tell us you know that."

"I know that. I love you."

"My sun.. My sweet angel." purred the Red Viper, devouring her lips, while Ellaria took her neck.

Y/N never fully knew what the couple was up to, and she didn’t care. She knew Oberyn and Ellaria, they loved each other, and even though everything wasn't normal, it was perfect.

[mayhemhq]

𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨.

• we want to express our gratitude to all of you for making this past weekend’s event such a success. we work hard to create unique, out-of-the-box events that challenge us creatively. while some might find non-kayfabe boring over time, i believe that with such creative people around who are eager to explore new ideas, we can keep pushing the envelope and crafting experiences that inspire and engage everyone.

we’re proud to be a plot-driven, writing-focused group that values inclusion, creating a space where all writers can grow, explore, and connect. i’ve never encountered so many wrestling characters with such well-developed and authentic lore. it’s exciting to see that so many of you write for the same unique characters we might never think to combine, highlighting the diversity and creativity with our muns. we’re very lucky you all continue to call us home.

• as we saw last week, we were approached through gossip to stir up some drama and support a plot. we want to emphasize that we’d LOVE to keep doing that. it can be challenging to keep gossip engaging, especially when there’s not a lot happening. even then, it can feel repetitive and sometimes unfair to certain characters. with that in mind, we’d love to start a weekly or bi-weekly round-up of drama, like a write-up or newsletter, to keep things fresh and exciting! a lot more “overheard” drama, just simple stuff that can’t warrant a whole post, but can be interesting tidbits to keep plots going. watch out for @mayhemtea for sign up posts and whatnot for that.

• the next couple of months—november (which is less than two weeks away, what!) and december—are always busy for everyone. as a result, we won’t have as many events as usual. typically, we aim for two big events along with a few mini writing events, but going forward, we’ll focus more on round robin-style activities. these are easier to plan during the week, rather than setting aside weekends. we’ll also incorporate some team-building activities to match the holiday spirit. however, we will still host one monthly gathering!

december 21st is the first official day of winter and you know what that means: mayhem games... will be making its resurgence in january. a winner MUST be crowned! new team captains, but still the same rivalry.

• we want to assure you that, even with the busy season approaching, removals will continue as usual until closer to the holidays. while we’ve been more lenient recently, we’ll be putting more effort into addressing rolehogging. our goal is to create excitement about writing and being active in the group, rather than just focusing on individual ships. anyone who has connected with us knows we’re approachable and understanding, and we’re always here to help—as long as there’s open communication. if you need a hiatus or some time away, please don’t hesitate to reach out!

we believe our four-day limit is manageable, as interacting counts as activity, and we’re not requiring constant writing. just a reminder that musings and photo posts won’t count toward activity.

• october 31st isla dawn is hosting our first member lead event and she has posted the signup sheet HERE. we’re VERY excited and can’t wait to see how it turns out! that being said, we ask all of you to sign up by commenting on her post, reaching out to her or dming us and we will send all names over. we have gotten the few of you who have sent us already and we plan to send those over asap!

xo, @mayhemhq 🖤

[soft-pine]

jack

hello. this is in part a reply to "not ghost anon" from a few days ago and in part a reply to someone on twitter and in part just something i have been meaning to say for a long time. but the nuance here matters a lot and i've been wary of attempting something so delicate. but i don't want to make claims that I can't articulate and back up so here we go.

i think the vast majority of issues around jack come from very different fundamental understandings of who and what he is. and i think this issue comes from inconsistent narrative in a way that i really don't usually complain about on spn which contributes to why i'm hesitant to talk about it. because i LIKE canon. i consider very very very little of the show ooc so it bums me out a little not to be able to do a fully consistent reading of jack's characterization. (the other issues with jack's arcs are people not watching the whole show, relying on fanon, and just wanting to villainize dean. but i'm not addressing those here.)

so what do i mean about who and what jack is? well, a lot of people read jack as just a kid in an adult's body - essentially a two/three year old child. and look, if that's your read of him, that's fine. and if that is the case, of course dean was wildly out of line in almost every interaction with him. of course dean's behavior was abusive. if you see jack that way, i'm really not trying to argue with you. and we can happily end all conversations here.

however, if we do keep talking, i would say i don't read him that way because i think there is enough data and messiness in canon to trouble that simple a reading of jack - and the moral implications that go along with it.

to me this boils down to two things to examine the implications of: 1. jack's own actions and, 2. the way all other characters treat him.

jack begins acting before he's born. in 12.19, he stops kelly from killing herself. at the time, cas tells her, "what your child did, that's a testament to his power, but it's not proof of some goodness. he needs you alive." it's never revealed if jack knew what he was doing in that moment or simply had enough power and life instinct to react. but he did act.

along those lines, one thing that always frustrates me is that kelly and cas' visions are never circled back to. what did they see in 12.19 that made them both so adamant that jack be born with his powers and who is responsible? the indication we get from the script is that the visions were specific (at least to cas) in a way that implies telepathic access to and an advanced understanding of who he is, who he cares about, and what he wants. dean describes seeing cas effected by the vision as cas being "sock-puppeted" and that it made it so dean "did not recognize the guy staring back at [him]" (12.20). (while i personally theorize that chuck is responsible for those), the show never gives us much more than the concerning implication that it's jack.

in 13.01, jack says, "my mother, she said castiel, he would keep me safe. she said the world was a dangerous place. that's - that's why i couldn't be a baby or a child. i… that's why i had to grow up fast. that's why i chose him to be my father." now there's a lot to unpack from this. off the top, we learn that pre-birth, jack was able to understand and act out things based on what his mother believed and/or communicated to him. he understood enough of her thoughts and feelings, for example, to choose cas as his father. he also understood enough of her concerns about the world, to chose to be born as the young adult he appears as. it's clear from kelly and cas' preparations for him in 12.23, that she was expecting a baby but jack choses to be born more grown up.

we have two other examples in supernatural of beings that grew up exceptionally fast: emma and amara. emma was born and grew up into a teenager in the span of a few days but when she encounters sam & dean, she has the maturity (for lack of a better word) of the age person she appears to be. she speaks and thinks and acts like a teenager, not a newborn baby. amara, on the other hand, took longer to grow up in the body she chose but though she was a being who existed before time, she took on the characteristics of the ages she appeared to be up to and including when she became a full adult. the common thread here though is despite the speed at which they aged, they both did fully grow up in that time.

that doesn't mean that is necessarily what happened to jack. but it does seem for the most part to be how the show, and all the people around him, and he himself acts.

whatever criticisms you might have about dean not treating jack like a kid, it's always been a bit of an annoyance of mine when other people's actions are ignored or minimized. for example, sam, mary, cas, and au bobby all encourage jack to go on hunts and to train (both with his powers and without them after lucifer takes his grace). sam is consistently more supportive of jack hunting than dean is. (not to harp on my notes document but the "Parenting Jack" and "Others Hunting" tabs both have relevant numbers about where pressure and approval is coming from in terms of Jack hunting and Dean, out of all Jack's dad's, does the least. I'm totally open to things I've missed so do let me know but...). mary and au bobby go farther than that and in fact let jack guide many of their missions and troop movements in apocalypse world (13.20). (personally that always sticks out to me as one of the most concerning issues because even if jack fully is the maturity of the age he appears, he should not be put in that position at all.) in 13.23, it's sam that prays to jack to come save them from apocalypse world michael. and it's cas who instructs jack to keep his deal with the empty secret from sam and dean (14.09).

jack himself doesn't act like a toddler and specifically rejects being babied. in 13.02, he picks up a beer and drinks it confidently. in 14.06 he asks for advice on having sex. he consistently wants to hunt and in apocalypse world, fight.

now i'm not saying you have to accept all of the above as okay. it's pretty common for kids to want to do things they aren't ready for. but everyone in his life - from cas to sam to mary to dean to au bobby treated jack as though he's a young adult, old enough to hunt and make his own choices. i am wary of people who pick and choose who to blame in that regard.

next i want to dig into something even more unfortunately controversial perhaps. jack is powerful and that power is dangerous. his birth killed kelly (it's unclear how much control he did or didn't have over that but his actions resulted in her dying not when she chose to kill them both but only after he was born with all his powers). he opened a rift to another dimension before he was born. in 13.01 and 02 he involuntarily throws many people across rooms.

he didn't mean to hurt any of them, of course, but his attitude about these events troubles me. in 13.04 he says to mia, "it’s just, i… i’ve hurt people. i didn’t mean to. it was an accident. and i know i should feel bad, and i say i feel bad, but most of the time, i mostly… i don’t feel anything."

the culmination of his early struggles with his powers is accidentally killing someone in 13.06. rather than staying in the care and comfort offered by cas, dean, and sam, he intentionally throws them down while he flies away where he promptly pressures both derek and kaia into dreamwalking for him in a way that is painful and risky to them both. both of these actions strike me as a concerning shift into understanding how to use his powers and then choosing to exert that power over other people. his intentions may be good in that he wants to try to save mary but the way he goes about it doesn't sit right with me. (i also feel the need to point out the person who has been consistently urging (and on at least one occasion pressuring (13.03) jack to learn to use his powers to open the rift is sam.)

additionally concerning to me is the way jack attacks and nearly kills nate, the clerk, in 13.23 when he believes nate killed maggie. (some people may also criticize dean for shooting jack here. and if they do, i hope they can understand 1. it didn't hurt jack, only stopped him from killing nate and 2. sam tases jack in 13.01)

this brings us back to dean's much-critiqued comment in 13.02.: "if i’m right… and it comes to killing you… i'll be the one to do it." do i think that's a shitty thing to say, yes. do i think jack found it upsetting and scary, yes. do i think there was a much better way to articulate deans concerns, yes. do i wish that dean had been kinder to jack in those early days in general, yes.

but dean just is right that jack is powerful and that it has always been dean's job to try to hold powerful beings to account for their actions.

not to get too in the weeds into dean's perspective here but i want to remind people that dean's very recent previous experience with a being similar to jack was amara who did control dean in ways reminiscent of how jack seemed to control cas and kelly (which resulted in both their deaths). to act like dean shouldn't have taken the circumstances around jack's birth and the things jack had already done and shown himself capable of doing into account strikes me as unfair and unrealistic.

i understand what i'm saying is kind of a process critique but it matters. it matters because people claim that dean threatens jack that he'll kill him multiple times in those early days and that just isn't true. it matters because there is a difference in saying you will kill someone out of anger or revenge and telling someone with power that if they start harming people with it, you will be the one to stop them. it matters because dean literally cannot kill jack. he had no way to do so as it's clearly demonstrated in 13.01 that angel blades don't work. i'm not saying it's an empty threat or wouldn't be scary and affecting to hear or that dean didn't say to sam that he wanted to find a way to be able to kill jack. but when they have this conversation, jack is more materially powerful than dean.

i really understand why people are upset with what dean said but if we're gonna talk about it, i want to talk about what actually happened.

(i bring up anger or revenge because of 14.20 which i'm not gonna go deep into because it has been litigated to death. but just a brief reminder that jack was a) soulless, b) changing the fabric of the world, and c) indiscriminately killing people at the angel's command. and dean chose to try to kill him not out of vengeance but because god told him jack would literally destroy the world. (and killing jack will kill dean too which i feel like we dont talk about a lot))

the moral implications of jack being soulless is another whole can of worms (and i'll do another post on it if needs must) but it is at least clear from both sam and dean's past actions that stopping someone who has lost their soul and sense of morality from harming people is sometimes worth risking their life for (specifically i'm thinking of 6.11 and 10.03).

in conclusion, i think jack is a young person. he is a new creature with his own set of rules and ways of being in the complex supernatural universe. and i think he deserves to be treated with care, safety, respect, and accountability - as do we all!! but treating him as though he really is just a human toddler in a human adult's body flattens too much of the narrative for me to accept that reading.

i hope this has made some sense and registers as fair. i don't bring up the above examples of other people's behavior to bash them but to show that if the standard we're holding dean to is not treating jack like a toddler, then everyone else, including cas, falls deeply short as well. and i'm sick of having conversations with people who demand i take dean's actions deeply seriously and no one else's.

i must admit that looking at all the information about who and what jack is makes me a little dizzy and of course i wish it were simpler. i wish he got to be just a little kid and could be treated as just a little kid. but i can't assent to claims that penalize dean for not existing in a reality which simply doesn't exist.

ultimately my issues with jack's mistreatment are focused on chuck and the narrative at large. i think it's tragic in a show which has already established that hunters don't get to be kids and that sam & dean were both forced to grow up too quickly, that jack experiences that so acutely. and it's tragic that the show concludes with him taking on all the burdens of godhood. i feel like that reaffirms something hopeless and dark about the universe.

if you've stuck around this long, thanks for reading! i really am open to feedback and critique but i really don't want to be yelled at as though i'm being glib when i find all of this deeply agonizing.