#which I refuse to upload
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Just wanted to share the gifs I took of the background bugs in rw (though they’re also on the wiki I hear)
- Beetles
- Camo Beetles
- Fireflies
- Grasshoppers (uses the same colors as camo beetles)
- Mosquitos
- Moths
- Red Swarmers
- Rock Fleas
- Flies
- Tiny Dragonflies
#thunderposting I guess#rainworld#bug#insect#theres like 3 more I need to show but tumblr refuses to let me upload them so I think Ill have to get creative#I give up oughhhh#the last 3 are on the wiki which are wasps and glowworms but there's also one called glowing swimmer insects that they dont have#those guys are just fatter glowworms that emit light
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:)
#Nothing to say. A good episode. A good season.#I love Oda. I love his voice perhaps even more lol#I should look for an improvement of the video quality... To say it's 1080px mkv :/ But the latest upload on N/yaa is too heavy#The op visuals of the untold origins arc are very good. The songs are good too#Although I suppose I may just be nostalgic ahah#I like fuku/fuku... Especially this young bittersweet flavour#Fuku/fuku have so many “couple who for some reason broke up but who still love each other more than anyone else” in this episode.#What do you mean they keep calling each other.#What do you mean Fukuchi won't hesitate to help Fukuzawa even after he refused to join his group.#Mmmmhhh... One more thing#There's so much emphasis on Christianity in bsd. It makes sense for Atsushi and Dostoyevsky I suppose due to the irl authors‚ but...#Why was Oda handed a Bible in this episode? Why was Ango carrying a Bible with him in the Beast movie?#When you take into account that Christianity only makes for 1.5% of religious believers in Japan‚ it's just curious.#But maybe I'm missing something? Was Oda-author Christian too?#Then again I can really feel this wider underlying pattern which... Exceeds the characters in a way?#It's mostly details so it'd be hard to list them but... Idk.#Why was there a cross behind Kunikida when he witnessed the little child die.#🤔#That would be all. This season is very beautiful and I love Mushitarou but can't WAIT to get back to Atsushi I miss him 🥺🥺🥺#random rambles
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oh god I haven't updated my Jason the toymaker fanfic in 2 years whadda hell
#my posts#WHOOPS#worst part is the next chapter has been 90% done for. the entire 2 years#i just refuse to upload it until i finish writing the NEXT next chapter#which. god knows if i will be able to do that lmao
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i deserve financial compensation for the amount of fucking hoops i had to jump through to enable tipping on here
#mar.txt#this is /j obviously i'm just trying to be lighthearted to cope with the Anger ha ha ha :)#oh the urge to throw my phone as hard as possible into a hard surface. but i cannot. not Yet at least. but once i get a job and can get a#new one......... this one's getting destroyed through Brute Force :)#lets see how many times did i have to re-login and redo Everything because the verification thing wouldn't accept my id picture bc it was#'too blurry' so i had to take a picture with my phone camera but i had to clear app caches first because this phone is constantly at 99-100#storage space. but Then because it fucking sucks ass and if i Breathe in the direction of another app whatever app i just tabbed off of#crashes and i have to reopen it. i had to log back in Again which meant waiting for the text message verification code Again (i live in the#middle of nowhere with a phone that Refuses to use the wifi for calls/texts and instead only uses the shitty cell service)#because Apparently tumblr users aren't allowed to stay logged in nor log in with a password. and Then i had to take a picture of the back#of my id too and i tried using my phone camera straight from the gallery option when i clicked upload. but because my phone sucks That also#crashed my browser and made me log back in. this isnt even counting btw how many times i TRIED to do it through tumblr but it kept stalling#and making me back all the way out log all the way back in and wait on it again for it to go further so i said fuck it and went to my#browser to do it. so i log back in and then i find out not only did attempting to take that picture crash my browser but it didnt even#actually TAKE the picture. so i have to click back over to my camera app Again and take the picture Again and log back in and wait the eons#it takes for things on this phone to load AGAIN. and then i Finally. FINALLY get it completed.#oh but did you think that was all? oh no i STILL had to log back in and load all the way back in Again through tumblr one final time to tel#the app i had done all that! and THEN i could turn tipping on. right?#no. i then had to close the app and reopen it again for it to Let me enable it. otherwise it just tried to take me back to stripe then#proceeded to give me an error message when i tried. great job tumblr#anyways that was infuriating#lmao i forgot to finish the original thought and check#anyways. around 7 or 8 times. that took almost a half hour of struggling i'm pretty sure. enraging☺
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to bond with my stepsister i have decided to rewatch all of bsd (despite still not having seen s5 of the anime) and count all the "jinko"s from aku. we are currently at an 11 - 0 jinko to atsushi ratio. i havent watched s1 in its entirety since early 2018. what is my life now
#ramblings#we're watching s2 tomorrow#im also making her watch sub in rhe process bc she initially went for dub and i refuse to watch dubbed#shes ALSO admitted to reading bsd fanfics which is slowly but surely making me wonder if shes seen. my first uploaded ao3 fic#im not going to ASK because if she hasnt found my fic yet id just be exposing myself#if i end up writing a oneshot and uploading it and she reads it it would be INCREDIBLY funny#i have gotten better at writing since 2018. which makes sense. ive been writing pretty consistently in those 6 years
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ugggghh i miss when u could find and reblog music on this website
#i refuse to use the spotify preview bullshit and all the tags are full of it#it can take over an hour to find an old audio post with the whole song uploaded in a tag#if it exists at all which most songs don't anymore sigh#i just wanna share and discover songs with the mutuals!!#and occasionally subject y'all to some of the most discordant wail-filled distortion-heavy noiserock i have in my heart <3
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That Arlecchino edit I made was apparently too powerful for Tumblr since I had to scale the file size down to 70% when I exported it
#gold's rambles#same thing happened on inkblot and instagram#it just refused to send through unless i made the image smaller#doesn't seem like the quality got nerfed though#which is a plus as far as i'm concerned#funnily enough the original size uploaded just fine on discord
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instead of playing I'm sitting here collecting mods to slap on companions in the epilogue later 'cause 6 months just call for some changes don't look at me
I even messed with some textures and managed to make a custom one for Vice to have the burn scar I wanted her to have post-game (now even more appropriate, considering the explosive blood I gave her)
The only one remaining stubbornly unchanged across the acts and post-acts is Astarion 'cause one, I feel like he'll strangle me through the screen if I touch his hair, and two, legit nothing looks right on him ever except for his original
So very appropriately the vampire remains eternal
#well I'm also not changing Minsc or Jaheira#I am not touching the sacred heroes#astarion with any other hair option gave me psychic damage#sigh the burn scar kinda implies there shouldn't be any freckles on top of it#but no one uploaded THAT texture file to the nexus and I refuse to unpack my own game#bless the ones who uploaded scars and tatoos#tav posting#in case anyone's wondering I'm not changing Karlach too much either#but I am looking at the version of her default hair that had the side shave grown out#which mind you I prefer the side shave#but my urge to mod in the passage of time is urging
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Hhhhhhhhh 👀✨
#I found an animatic I've been looking for for the past two years 'cause it got privated like almost immediately after it was uploaded#Well *unlisted but might as well be the same thing since it's not in any of the OP's playlists#But also confirmed unlisted since I found it again!#Still gives me chills I can be at peace finally hh#I finally bucked up and looked up how to Actually view All the YouTube likes and not just the 5000 that YT is willing to show you#/If/ the pages loads if you're lucky which lbrh - my computer could not handle lol#But! Y'know what it can handle? Going into the backrooms of Google just to sift through the data /they have/ but refuse to be upfront about#It's literally in your privacy data under like three submenus but I got it! I did it! I found it! I have it now! Fuck yeah!#Pleased as punch I'mma go back as far as it'll let me and see what guys are lurking around down there#I even found a video that I thought had been deleted but was actually also unlisted! Excellent!#Maybe my white whale has secretly been unlisted this whole time and I /don't/ have to get a VPN to say I'm in Russia to view it lol#Update: I'm finding all kinds of stuff and I'm having a delightful time
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thumblr is not letting me upload an mp3 of the decemberists "culling of the fold" but know ive been simmering on that for a while now
#i got hit with a beam that makes you only listen to the decemberists like a week ago#which is partially due to the hazards of love being an album you gotta listen the whole way through#the crane wife isnt on bandcamp though and i refuse to upload spotify links theyre UGLY
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Ali Amran performing at the Timitar Music Festival in Agadir, Morocco (July 2024)
#he also performed Idir’s ‘A Vava Inouva’ and I will admit I freaked b/c that’s one of my favorite Kablye songs/I love Idir#but I can’t get the video to upload#regardless the whole performance (and the entire festival) was amazing#I got there early in order to be as close to the stage as possible and it was worth the 2 hour wait#Amran in particular was spectacular#he also refused to speak anything but French or Tamizghat (I think mostly Kablye but I don’t know enough to distinguish the different#Amizagh languages. I would love to learn one one day) which was a hilarious fuck you to all the police and military there#not the stones#amizagh#morocco#timitar#music#ali amran#video#very worth flying to Agadir for a few days just for that
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so lucky i have friends that will occasionally show me sa art they see on socmed since it's so rare for artists to cross-post their sa art on here anymore
#i say cross specifically bc i can still point out which have tumblr accts and don't use them aaaa#like if you don't have one in the first place that's fine idc this place has been half empty since 2018#i mean specifically when i get shown smth on insta and have a visceral reaction bc#don't you have a tumblr ????? and yet i can't like or rave abt it on here. shame#its ship art too like there's a couple that still post asl on here and yet all their sa art is relegated to other platforms#i am over here like a starving man thinking mannn tumblr is the weirdest site to upload art to anyway#like if they're worried abt negative opinion they wouldn't refuse to post to tumblr of all places#aaaaaaaaaaaanyway the point is that i still get to see some of it shoved in my face n i appreciate that#(like moto posting op art again i had a conniption at that one glad i got to bear witness)
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How do you make your stamps? :0
Disclaimer: this is an obscenely long explanation, with pictures. Efficiency is stupid
So, for the static ones, I make a 99x56 px file on ibis paint x. Other programs are probably available online but I don't use them.
After that, I either upload an image I want to make into a stamp, or I draw one.
Then, I find a frame I want to use. Ill upload them here but let it be known I stole all of these right from deviantart
Most of them are from Lil-Devil-Melii on deviantart. The rest i have no idea. They're not all 99x56px but you can crop the canvas it's fine
Make sure to erase the edges of the picture , so they're transparent. It's not as cute otherwise
Upload those frames over your image in whatever art program you're using and viola, stamp.
For moving ones, it's a lot harder. Mostly because I refuse to download Photoshop.
There are a couple ways to do this. Some are simple animations, like with flashing text and whatnot. For these, you download the individual animation frames from your art program. Make sure it's transparent.
Then, upload each frame to ezgif.com under the option "GIF maker." You can play around with how fast each frame goes and whatnot but in the end, it'll be a stamp with some rad text that moves. This is easy, and doesn't make me want to shit my pants and cry. If you're new, do this. This is fun. This is good. This does not kill me inside
I made that↓ stamp with this method :)
this next one is how we turn gifs into stamps. This one makes me sad. It involves math and sucks. But we gotta do it. For the vibe
First, grab your gif. I'm using this cow gif because it's awesome
Then, I resize it using ezgif. Literally everything for this will be using ezgif. I am a simple man
At this point you should decide what frame to use. I'm using this one because its the first one I clicked
Figured out what size the inside of the frame is. That's what I resize the gif to, so the edges can be transparent. The inside of this one is 93x50 px, so those are the dimensions I'm making the gif.
Figure it out by putting the frame into ibis paint and realizing the canvas to fit just the inside of the frame, then seeing what the dimensions are. But there could be easier ways
Woah it's so small now
Then, still on ezgif, I go to the "crop" option.
Make sureeee to upload the smaller gif
press the button that says "extend canvas size", and then put the "width" and "height" as the dimensions for your FRAME. This'll put a bit of a transparent border around the gif. For this frame, I did 99px and 56px.
The "left" and "top" boxes show how many pixels the cropping happens from the edges of the canvas. The formula for finding that is
(width of gif / 2) - (difference between gif width and frame width / 2) = left box
For me it's (93 / 2) - (6 / 2) = 43.5
Then you do the same.for the height, which for me ends up being 22 from the top
This is reallyyy touchy and annoying though
Here's my result , with no visible difference
Okay so THEN you go to the "overlay" option, under "effects." And upload your frame. If the cropping was done right, you shouldn't have to move the frame at all and can just download it
Here's my result:
if you don't care about transparency, you can resize your gif to be the same size as the frame, and then put the frame over it. But I'm a slut for transparency
Anyways. I'm sorry if anything was unclear, it's two am. And I hope this was helpful :) these really are fun to make once you get it down
also if anyone has an easier way to make stamps from gifs, please god tell me
#web graphics#old web#neocities#custom#custom blinkies#stamps#page decor#web resources#da stamps#deviantart stamps#blinking gif#How to#tutorial#How to make stamps#Spacehey#deviantart#rentry graphics#old internet#early internet#stamp collecting#ezgif#stamp making#stamp template#Stamp frames#blinkies
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tuned into Plestia's live with Rahma Zein's second account (she got shadowbanned). key moments:
plestia talked about her adjustment to living in australia. "it's 1:30am now and it's normal for me and many palestinians who live abroad to be awake hours into the morning. i am scared of sleeping. because of the time difference, i'm scared if i sleep i will wake up to bad news. in gaza i was scared of the sound of the bombs, here i am scared of the quiet."
contacting family and friends in gaza is near impossible. "sometimes i feel like a crazy person, calling 20 times in a row hoping that on the 21st time the call might go through."
on the destruction of entire communities and neighbourhoods: "i'm scared when i go back to gaza i won't recognise it anymore. someone sent me a picture of my neighbourhood, and i couldn't tell it was mine at first. all my favourite places, cafes where the aunties used to give me extra food and ask about my day, have been destroyed. i dread looking at my gallery or seeing snapchat memories because most of these people in the pictures are no longer alive."
rahma asked plestia to talk about one story that stuck with her. plestia said "i remember walking one time on the 'safe corridor', that's what they called it anyway, and i saw an older woman clutching onto a donkey cart where her son's body was, refusing to let go of it. i asked my colleague what the smell was, he said it's dead bodies under the rubble. it was the first time i familiarised myself with the smell. the son's body was decaying and the woman told me about cats and animals eating away at it. i've had children talk to me about birds eating away at their parents' decomposing bodies and not being able to chase them away."
"it seems so silly to go to hospitals for minor sicknesses now. i can't even think about how many palestinian children are going to be terrified of hospitals now. there was a girl who was taken to the hospital to get treatment for injuries by one of the bombs, and while she was in the bathroom another bomb landed nearby. the impact from that sent the ceiling crashing down on her.. she got another injury while getting treated for her first one."
"i hate how people talk about our resilience - as if it's okay that this is happening to us. we are only surviving because we have to, because we have no other choice."
rahma brought up the way family homes are set up in palestine and asked plestia to elaborate. "basically, there are floors. someone will live on the ground floor, and then their married son lives with his children on the floor above them, and then their successors above them and so on. so when family homes are targeted, they wipe out entire families. many families officially no longer exist."
"i used to wear my journalist helmet and vest all the time, felt naked without it, even slept with the vest on sometimes until i realised it only made me more of a target. they didn't give me any protection, only headaches and back pain."
"i am an optimistic person, i loved covering sweet sentimental things, like at my graduation asking parents of top graduates how they feel about their children graduating. that's what i love reporting on. i wanted to cover things like that when i came back to gaza, show the beautiful side of gaza that the media didn't really show, but i didn't have the chance." "do you think they'll give you right of return?" "i can only hope."
plestia mentioned how hard it was being a journalist with limited access to the internet, charging facilities, no mics, lack of equipment and how difficult it was uploading things. rahma asked her what's one story that wasn't really recorded or posted due to these constraints; plestia said "the evacuations. sometimes they informed us about them, sometimes they didn't. you have no idea how hard it was, everyone looking for their family members, making sure every one was there, taking to the streets in 5 minutes and not knowing which way to go. i remember i went to my friend's house for shelter for 30 minutes before the first evacuation was announced and we ran to another family's house, stayed there for 2 days before another evacuation was announced. me, my friend, and that family all evacuated together to another family's house. there were already so many people there seeking shelter, it wasn't just one family staying there. none of us knew how long we had in any place."
before october 7th, palestinians were used to limitations on electricity. plestia used to plan her day's tasks around when the electricity was working. "for example when the electricity was on from 12 to 4, i would say i will do my laundry and charge the phones during this time. life wasn't exactly 'normal', but all of us pray to have those days back in comparison to what we are experiencing now." plestia also said that cars are running on cooking oil now because there is no fuel.
on hygiene: "many pregnant women have to give birth without any pain medication or medical attention. once we ran out of medicine, that was it. women who had to get C-sections couldn't stay to recover or get followup treatments because someone else needed the bed. we have no water, no tissues, no pads, barely any bathrooms. in the shelter schools you have to wait an hour before even getting to use the bathroom because of how many people are there."
"something you don't hear about is how many people die because of sadness. there's so many ways to die in gaza, because of the bombardment, because of starvation, the lack of resources, but i also know many elderly people who died because their hearts couldn't take it anymore. i have been in gaza before and lived through 4 aggressions, but nothing compared to this one."
a recurring sentiment that was echoed in the video: "sometimes i thought to myself: who am i recording this for? because we've already shown everything, we've already talked about everything. everything has already been said, the proof is everywhere, nothing i talked about today is new." rahma said the first video posted about what's happening in palestine should've been enough.
she is 22 today. plestia's closing words: don't stop talking about us, don't stop boycotting, don't stop protesting, please don't get bored of fighting for palestine.
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I just want to tell you this:
Thank You So, SO Much for informing people about the horrid Mr. Beast situation occurring within his Squid Game Beast Games.
I don’t think would’ve known about this awful and disgusting event occurring as much as I do now if you didn’t post about it on this blog.
Thank you.
I do think it isn't something that should be brushed under the rug, and I also feel that the more people know about it, the worse it becomes for Jimmy when the Beast Games show actually comes out.
One thing I forgot to include in the post is that the Las Vegas shoot is going to be uploaded on YouTube as an extended qualifier to the actual show on Amazon Prime.
It's worth noting that the contestants didn't know that until they arrived at the stadium. They'd been told that the Las Vegas shoot was the Amazon show, and there would only be 1,000 competitors (which is how it is marketed by Amazon). They only learned that the player-count had doubled and this wasn't going to be on Prime once they were on set, and were shown a video message from Jimmy saying he forgot to mention that actually there were 2,000 people and this wasn't the Amazon show (though MrBeast later claimed that this was always the intent).
I don't know when the video(s) will be uploaded, but I honestly can't wait because I'm dying to know how they're planning on editing the footage to cut out the horrors that took place during the challenges.
Like, how are they going to show the Red team losing the first challenge with the rope and pulley? On the one hand, surely they've got to show the 400 people who were eliminated in that challenge. But on the other hand... what exactly do they have to work with?
The production team refused the Red team's pleas to stop the challenge and demanded they keep going to the end, presumably because they needed them to do it for the sake of the video. Instead, anti-capitalist icons that they are, the entire team abandoned the challenge mid-way anyway so they could go help their teammates who were literally being strangled, throwing the game. And once they'd abandoned the rope, they never picked it up again.
Obviously, the producers can't show competitors being throttled. But that means that they also can't explain why the Reds lost the challenge. If the throttling happened toward the end, maybe they'll be fine, but if it happened closer to the middle, there's no way for them to explain why those 400 people just gave up so early.
It also presumably means any overhead shots of all the teams are ruined, because that would require them to explain why the Reds just aren't participating.
Maybe they could show the Reds giving up, but give a different reason. But no reason I can think of works. If they say they "tried their best but knew they couldn't win", they would then also have to answer the question of why the challenge was impossible for them - the reason being that their team of 400 consisted of about 380 women, while their opposing teams consisted almost entirely of the youngest and strongest male competitors.
And I'm not sure how they're going to explain that, because if they show the challenge of everyone going for coloured jerseys, they can't reveal why the teams ended up so unbalanced, as the actual reason is that the male contestants were hoarding jerseys and were physically violent against the female and elderly contestants, and organised themselves to guarantee they were all on the same team, resulting in a gender split.
I'm also not sure how they plan to edit around challenges like the briefcase game, where in the middle of the cramped field the male contestants were attacking and trampling the women. It's going to take a lot of editing to cut around that. And while they can edit out the injuries occurring they can't edit out the fact that by the end of the challenge there are suspiciously fewer female contestants remaining than there were to begin with.
Additionally, they're going to have to justify why the contestants started off so diverse in gender and age, only for the 1,000 who made it to the actual Amazon show predominantly being young and male, without it becoming clear that no one else had any chance. They can't introduce new contestants to re-diversify the cast, because 1,000 were promised by Amazon, 1,000 qualified, and people will complain if they try to fudge the numbers or cheat by introducing last-minute entries, which is especially bad now that he's currently under fire for allegedly faking and rigging competitions.
Jimmy also can't just not upload it at all, because then he'd have to explain that as well, and this is such a massive event people, both fans and detractors, are going to notice.
The more people know about it, the worse his situation becomes, because there's just no way out of it without inviting questions he doesn't want people to know the answers to.
While this is obviously too much to hope for in this timeline, in an ideal world enough people start talking about this that Amazon cancels his show due to the controversy - Jimmy has said Beast Games is intended to be his break into more traditional media, and I think it would be nice to shut that down.
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Impurities
Synopsis: You’re the new girl at East Highland High, your only goal is to get through school. Until you come across Nate Jacobs
Genre: suggestive, slight angst,
Pairing: Nate x fem!reader
Warnings: manipulation, lying, misogyny, slutshaming, reader has a negative body image/implied body dismorphia, dark themes, slightly suggestive but no smut in this one, let me know if I missed something
Song rec: music to watch boys to - lana del rey
WC: +8.6k (oops)
Other parts: previous part, next part
A/N: This is my first upload on tumblr help?? Also English isn’t my first language so please keep that in mind and be nice :,) feedback is always appreciated!! Currently working on part 2 ᥫ᭡
You were the perfect prey for Nate
You were cute, just so fucking cute that it almost drove him crazy, and so polite during lessons, never refusing anyone anything, whether they asked for a pen, or if they could copy your homework, which you always had ready. In his eyes, you were perfect, the only right choice for him.
He knew you wouldn’t fuck up the way Cassie or Maddy did, you wouldn’t disappoint him like they did.
Sure, your style wasn't his thing at all -not that you dressed awful or anything, you were really into y2k, and just loved wearing baggy jeans or any jeans for that matter, and graphic tops combined with sparkly accessories, chains and rings.
He wished you'd wear something more... feminine, like skirts and cute dresses, that show off your assumingly perfect body, he also wished you'd wear brighter colors.
Another thing he loved about you, was that you were really smart and didn't seem to pay attention to boys at all, which surprised him because he was used to girls being all over boys, only wanting one thing from them and he hated it because they were all so predictable.
But you weren’t.
It also kind of scared him at the same time though, because what if you just really weren't into boys to begin with?
He didn't know much about you except for the fact that you loved music, movies and tv shows. Or at least that's what you said, when you had to introduce yourself to the new class.
It had been just a few days prior that he had broken up with Cassie at that time, but he was sure that in this moment, when you stood there in front of the class, with your trembling hands, shy smile and quiet voice, he was head over heels for you.
You just enrolled to East Highland High, you knew no one yet. That had to be his biggest advantage ever, since you didn't know about any of the bad things Nate has done so far, and no one could take you away from him once he earned your trust. Because why would you trust anyone else more than him?
It was your third day at the new school when he decided to approach you.
During lunch break you sat alone, listening to music as you tried to subtly look around the huge cafeteria, searching for someone else who was alone.
Everyone shared their table with at least two other students, except for you and some other girl that sat alone as well.
You considered approaching her and sitting with her, maybe she was nice and maybe she had other friends? But you decided not to do it, because maybe you'd disturb her or something. You sighed and scrolled through your phone, when you suddenly noticed someone standing in front of your table.
You slowly looked up and noticed it was one of your classmates. You quickly fished one of your earbuds out and stopped the music "Hey.." You said, as you smiled at him. He smiled back at you, the smile genuine as he replied "Hey, can I sit for a moment?" he gestured towards the chair in front of you.
You were confused.
Confused because he wanted to sit with you? Yes, you were new to East Highland High, but this wasn't the first school you ever attended. You could tell who's popular and who isn't.
And Nate Jacobs was definitely popular. He had to be.
Quaterback, extremely tall, and extremely good looking, there was no way he just wanted to sit and talk to someone like you. What if he's gonna bully me? Take my lunch money and beat me up? But that would be absurd.. right?
You nodded before removing the other earbud as well. "What're you listening to?" He asked, genuinely curious "Oh... um... just Lana Del Rey." You said nervously as you looked at your phone, too scared to look him in the eyes.
"Oh cool.. which song?" He'd be lying if he said he knew literally any Lana Del Rey song besides Summertime Sadness and Video Games, but he wanted to know nonetheless. Maybe he'd listen to it at home to check out what kind of music you listen to "It's called..." You hesitated for a moment before finally saying "'Music to watch boys to'" You knew how that sounded.
Nate chuckled once he heard the name of the song and saw your flustered expression "Is that what you're doing? Listening to music while you're watching the boys here?" He joked. You chuckled nervously "No, really that's the last thing I'd do. I'm trying not to look at anyone longer than a second." You smiled as you locked eyes with him for seemingly less than 0.5 seconds.
Nate nodded "Yeah, I can tell." He cleared his throat "Just came over to introduce myself since you're new and everything." He reached over the table, stopping right in front of your phone, inviting you to shake his hand "I'm Nate."
You knew that already, since the two of you had classes together and you paid attention during attendance, to memorize the names of some of your classmates.
You carefully reached over and shook his extremely large hand. "I'm y/n, but you probably know that already." You once again chuckled nervously, thinking back to the painful introduction you went through at each and every new lesson you went to.
"Yeah, right." He nodded, smiling as his mind went there as well. During maths, arts, and English, he was lucky enough to see you introduce yourself over and over again. You slowly retrieved your hand again and Nate couldn't help but feel sad at the loss of contact.
He took a look around the cafeteria before setting his gaze back onto you "So, why are you sitting here all alone?" He asked in a slightly less playful tone "Hm.. I don't know," You shrugged "I guess I just don't know how to approach people." You smiled again.
What Nate had noticed in this short amount of time, is how often you smiled at him, and how you tried to keep that expression.
He didn't only notice it in this moment while he sat in front of you, but also during lessons, whenever someone talked to you, you rarely kept a neutral expression, always a friendly smile on your lips.
You were unbelievably insecure.
Always trying to remain friendly, out of fear of being perceived as unfriendly or unapproachable or anything that could be perceived as negative. He got you figured out faster than you could've imagined.
When he didn't respond, you continued "I actually considered talking to that girl over there, since she's alone as well.."
Nate looked over to the girl you were referring to before smirking and looking back to you "I wouldn't do that." You frowned in confusion "Why? Is she mean or something?" Nate shook his head "She just... doesn't talk, I don't think I've ever seen her talk to anyone before. She always sits alone and stares... into the void or something, even during lessons she barely responds to the teachers." he pointed out.
You sighed "Wow... And I thought I was socially incompetent." He chuckled and shook his head "No believe me, it can always be worse." You nodded and smiled again. Once you didn't reply, Nate continued "But, to be honest, you don't seem socially incompetent at all. You actually seem fun to be around."
You looked up at him again, this time for a bit longer than 0,5 seconds, and raised your eyebrows "You think so?" Nate nodded "Yeah, of course, you don't?"
You thought for a moment am I actually fun to be around? It had honestly been ages since you had actual friends. Sure, you had classmates at your previous schools, who met up with you from time to time. But it never felt like an actual friendship, with trust and sincerity.
You figured that you just weren't easy or fun to be around, that you just bored them eventually, even though you tried to be as fun as possible.
But your parents also played a big role.
Your mom has been strict and didn't want you to go out with friends too much, because she was scared you'd get hurt. She constantly fought with you and your father, because neither you nor your dad shared the same amount of paranoia she seemed to have.
And your dad was constantly moving cities, and even states with the two of you, whenever he had a new, better job offer. East Highland High was probably your third highschool so far, and even if you wanted to stay polite and make friends, you didn't want them to get too close to you, because the moment you had to move it'd be over anyways.
"I don't... know.." You said, and for the first time your smile actually faded. Not into a sad expression, but your smile just seemed to slip, and Nate felt like he got just the slightest bit closer to you.
"I don't really have any friends outside of school, and since I have none here either.." You shrugged again, not sure what to tell him. He nodded "Well.. you have me now, we can be friends." You looked up at him again, your eyes wide. You waited for him to laugh and tell you that all of this was a prank or something, but he didn't.
"Um... Thank you, but you really don't have to do that. I bet you already have plenty of friends." Nate shook his head and said "You can never have enough friends," He had a point, not everyone lived a socially awkward life like you did "besides, as I said, you seem cool to be around." He added.
"Thank you, I'd love to be your friend." You responded with another smile. Nate couldn't believe that he got this close to you in just five minutes, and that you didn't seem to question any of his intentions at all. In his eyes, he didn't only achieve his goals for the day, he also did you a huge favour.
You had someone you could count on, someone to hang out with, you weren’t alone anymore.
Then the doorbell rang, informing everyone that the break was over now.
"Alright, we have maths now, let’s go together, yeah?" He asked as he got up. You nodded and grabbed your phone, stuffing it in your bag before you got up as well.
Two weeks passed after you first talked to Nate, and as it turns out, he really seemed to be your friend.
You went shopping together, spent time mostly at your place, because your mom wanted to keep an eye on him since he was a stranger and most importantly a boy, and you even went to his football game once. You seemed truly happy whenever you were with him.
A little too happy for your own liking.
Because deep down you knew you might have to leave him behind eventually, or that he'd get bored of you at some point.
Not to mention that you, against your own will, developed a small crush on him. But who could blame you when he was the first boy who ever truly cared for you like he did? Or bought you gifts and showered you with affection like he did?
Yeah that was another thing that Nate did. He loved buying things for you.
At first it were just small things like ice cream from the gas station, or snacks from vending machines. But eventually, the gifts got bigger and bigger despite you telling him that you couldn’t possibly pay him back.
Sure, your dad's job did pay him a lot, but you were sure that Nate's dad had to earn at least twice as much for his son to be able to buy that many things.
Last time you two went to the mall and he saw a pair of earrings for more than 200$, he dragged you along with him and showed them to you saying "They'd look so pretty on you." It almost felt like he was your boyfriend.
Usually the girls in the movies you watched would pressure their boyfriends into buying them expensive jewelry, and into spending their money on them, but Nate seemed to be the other way he around.
He was pressuring you into allowing him to spend his money on you.
Just like that day when the two of you went into another boutique, because Nate convinced you that "it'll be fun!", to put it in his words.
The moment you stepped into the boutique, you felt somewhat uneasy. You walked in with your ripped jeans and tank top on, and the only clothes you saw were dresses, skirts, and tops that you'd never consider buying. Not to mention the shoes that they sold, looked nowhere near as comfortable as your sneakers did.
Nate knew that.
He only had to look at your face for a split second to know what you're feeling. You felt like you wouldn't fit in, or like these clothes wouldn't suit you. But he knew how to convince you.
He spent two entire weeks with you after all.
Any normal person would say that's not enough to fully know somebody, but Nate had his ways of finding out almost every insecurity, fear and worry of yours, just by subtly asking the right questions.
And none of them shocked him, since he already figured out that you were socially anxious and insecure.
But he also knew what you needed. You craved someone who loves you and gives you constant reassurance, someone who tells you what to do and who to go out with, like your mom did, because that's all you knew your entire life.
You needed to be loved and touched, craving intimacy with literally anyone, because you never had friends who'd hug you tightly when you were anxious, or hold you close when you needed it, and your parents didn't either.
And he could give you all of that and more, once the time was right.
He also figured that you haven't had a boyfriend yet, or haven't been intimate with anyone yet, and that thought alone made him crave you even more, if that was even possible.
The fact that he would be your first everything, was enough to get him going, and motivated him to show you your true potential.
And he knows that you’d let him.
He always dreamt about how easily you'd let him have his way with you, and how he'd corrupt you. Nate had sadistic thoughts as well, fantasizing about making you cry and beg him for forgiveness for something that wasn’t even your fault.
He also dreamt of leaving marks and bruises all over your body, so that you and everyone else knew you’re his.
But he wouldn't want to hurt you, he knew from experience how bad that could end for him.
And the moment he saw your innocent eyes looking up at him and your smile while doing so, the violent thoughts got replaced with the need to protect you from any man that even just walked near you.
"You okay?" He asked casually before he walked towards one of the racks with skirts. "Mhm.. I just don't think I want to buy anything here, Nate..." You said as you nervously looked down at your feet, feeling bad for possibly disappointing him.
Nate turned around and looked at you "Don't you want to try something on at least?" Before he let you respond, he came up with an idea "How about this, I'll put together an outfit and you can try it on and see for yourself if you like it or not." He asked, but it was more of a demand than a question.
You sighed and looked around the store, noticing that they also had jeans skirts, and a dark red leather skirt that you thought was really pretty. Nate's eyes followed your gaze and he immediately started searching for something he wanted you to try on.
Sure, a jeans skirt might be a good start as well, since it might make you feel a bit more comfortable and at least show off your legs, but the leather skirt was just absolutely slutty in his eyes. He didn't want you to walk around at school -or anywhere for that matter- like that, like you're 'asking for it'.
While you walked towards the two skirts, Nate walked towards another section. He picked out a pastel pink short sleeve top, with a bow in the middle and a sweetheart neckline. He smirked as he imagined you inside the rather tight top, knowing that he's the only guy that would be near you while all the other boys could only dream of being close to you.
He then picked out a pair of black flats, which he knew you wouldn't be opposed to, simply because of the color alone, white stockings and a white and pink plaid mini skirt.
Then he walked over to you, as you still looked at the various skirts. "y/n, your outfit is ready!" Nate exclaimed once he was behind you, and you couldn't help but flinch as he pulled you out of your daydream.
You turned around and looked at his full hands, trying not to grimace at the bright colours. The shoes looked alright however, and where the only dark piece of clothing. "Nate, that won't suit me," you said as he handed you the clothes over "are you sure you want me to try it on?" you didn't even finish the question before he nodded.
You sighed before walking towards the changing room. "I'll wait outside until you're done." he said before you closed the door.
Once it was closed you sighed once more and started to undress. You liked Nate, more than just in a friendly platonic way, and if any other guy would've told you to dress up like that, you definitely would've refused.
But Nate did so many nice things for you, the least you could do was to make him laugh for a bit. Because you already expected that that's what he'll do once he sees you in this outfit.
Once you were left in your underwear you looked into the mirror, feeling insecure. You didn't like your body at all. You just weren't shaped like the girls on the cheer squad, and you also didn't seem to have their proportions. And now you had to wear a skirt that would expose your huge legs and belly.
You felt sick at the thought of Nate seeing you in this outfit. You looked at the skirt and panicked because what if he thought you're skinnier, and he picked the wrong size? You'd have to tell him to get you a size bigger, and it would be super embarrassing.
You put on the top first and gulped when you noticed how tight it was, your chest on display. But you were sure it was supposed to sit a bit tighter. Then you shakily grabbed the skirt and put it on, and surprisingly it closed and sat perfectly fine. Except for the fact that it was quite short.
You then put on the stockings which ended right above your knee, and the shoes. You looked into the mirror again and turned to the side, throwing various poses to check it out from different angles.
And then you frowned, because for some reason the fit looked pretty cute, but... would you actually go out like this? Definitely no- "Are you ready?" Nate asked impatiently. You started to contemplate whether or not you wanted Nate to actually see you like that.
"Um... y-yes but it looks really stupid i'm gonna undress again-""No!" he almost yelled, startling you "Please let me see, I bet it looks good." he rolled his eyes, glad that you couldn't see him behind that door.
He liked that you weren't too confident or too sure of yourself and needed his reassurance, but he really wished you'd actually listen to him right now.
And then you finally opened the door "Come in.." and it really took everything in him to not rip the door open and gawk at you.
He gently opened the door and looked at you, his eyes wandering from your head, which was hung low as if in shame, to your exposed cleavage, to the way the stockings hugged your legs, to your shoes.
He had to control himself or else he'd pop a boner right here, right in front of you, because, god you looked so pretty. With the way your hands were fidgeting again just like the first time he saw you. You looked so shy and submissive under his gaze.
"You look so pretty..." he said in a serious tone, so serious in fact, that you immediately looked up at him. "Really? I feel kinda..." you didn't dare to finish the sentence.
The last time you called yourself fat in front of him, he almost lost it. He got just as serious as he was right now, saying that you looked fine and that there was absolutely nothing wrong with you.
Sure you weren't shaped like Maddy was, and you didn't have the perfect thigh gap, but Nate was aware that you were extremely pretty nonetheless. You were almost perfect, and everything that wasn't perfect would be taken care of.
Like your style.
This was a small step for him but a huge one for you, and it would be an even bigger step for you to dress like that on the daily, but he's sure he can help you with that.
"Seriously, you look absolutely.. wow." he added, and it only got you more flustered. Maybe dressing like this isn't so bad if Nate thinks it's pretty, hell even if he's the only who thinks so, his words affected you more than anything anyone at East Highland High could possibly say. "Wow.. Thank you.."
He cleared his throat and took a step closer, towering over you even more. "You obviously don't have to listen to me,” he lied “but... I personally think it looks better than your usual dark outfits." When you looked back into the mirror he continued "You shouldn't hide behind those… wide pants and loose tops, you should wear more outfits like this and show everyone how pretty you look."
When he saw you smile, he knew he had you where he wanted you. It wasn't just a forced smile, it was a real one, a flustered one. You loved that he found you pretty, even if you couldn't see it for yourself. And he knew how important his opinion was to you.
Hearing his compliments alone made you want to change your style a little, just so that he doesn't change his opinion. "You really think this fits me?" You asked one more time to make sure that he actually meant it.
He nodded eagerly placing his hands onto your shoulders "I promise." He felt like he could melt with the way you were looking up at him "I would never lie to you, you know that, right?" As if in trance you looked into his eyes and nodded.
"Yeah of course." You smiled up at him, feeling so small in front of him. "I'll try to check for cheaper options though, if you don't mind. Maybe something that isn't from an expensive boutique." you chuckled. He frowned instantly before responding "No, keep the outfit, I'll pay for it."
You shook your head right away, thinking back to the expensive things he had bought you already. "Nate, you need to stop spending so much money on me, I mean it. I highly doubt that i'm the only friend you spend that much money on."
Nate tried not to laugh at your statement. Of course you were the only person he spent that much money on.
As if he'd buy McKay, or any of his other 'friends' for that matter, anything above 10 bucks. "Y/n, I promise I’m not spending too much money." You wanted to believe him, but deep down you knew why Nate did all this.
Or at least you thought you did.
He was used to being used for money by his friends, there couldn't be another explanation, it had to be the reason. Why else would he feel the need to buy you, who he saw as his friend, so many expensive things?
"And also I kinda forced you to try it on, it's the right thing to do, trust me." You sighed shaking your head in disbelief "Fine, but you really don't have to, you know that?" He nodded as a smile made its way onto his lips.
He wished he could kiss you right now, but needless to say that wasn't possible yet. He couldn't wait for the day he would finally have you to himself, safe and happy with him. Walking next to you, with your hand in his, he could already imagine Cassie's and Maddy's faces when they see the two of you.
Nate wasn't blind nor oblivious, he saw the way Cassie eyed you like she wanted to murder you, or the way Maddy would shake her head whenever she looked at the two of you walking down the hallway.
Sure he had to come up with a plausible story before one of them could get to you without him noticing, and ruin his perfect plan. He honestly doesn't know what would happen to them if they decided to ruin his plan.
But that wasn't important right now.
What mattered was that you finally owned the perfect outfit, only because of him, and you’d only wear it for him too. You didn't even talk back or hesitate as much as he had expected.
Everything was going according to plan, and it was only a matter of time until you would cave in fully and listen to him all the time.
The next day you got ready for school, and decided to put on the outfit Nate had gotten you the day prior, but combined with a long cardigan to prevent you from flashing anyone at school.
Not to mention your mom who would probably freak out once she saw your outfit for school.
You brushed your hair, and put on the earrings Nate bought you previously. They were beautiful, dangling bows with a small diamond in the middle.
You told Nate he didn't have to buy them for you and that you'd find a cheaper variant online, but he insisted nonetheless.
You wondered what it would be like to be his girlfriend as you applied your lipstick.
Not that you'd actually ever be his girlfriend. He probably wouldn't even consider dating me.. was all you could think. And you also wouldn't ever consider actually dating him.
What if you'd have to move again? It wouldn't only break your heart, but his too.
"Y/n?" Your mom pulled you out of your thoughts as she stood in front of your now open door -because knocking was completely overrated anyways.
She gave you a disapproving look as her eyes moved up and down your frame. You hadn't put on the cardigan yet, so you could only assume what she's thinking. "What are you wearing?" She finally spoke.
You sighed as you looked down at your feet. "Mom I-" She immediately shook her head "Nate told you to wear this, didn't he?" You groaned in frustration, all hopes of avoiding any confrontation now gone.
Your mom scoffed at your lack of response. "Have you seen yourself? You look like..." You raised your head and looked at your mom "Like what?" She crossed her arms and sighed "Like someone else!"
You knew that this wasn't what came to her mind first, but decided not to comment on it. "No one forced me to wear this. I wanted to wear this." Your mom frowned, not believing you one bit.
And even if you wanted to go to school like that, she felt sick at the thought of all the boys seeing her daughter in such an outfit. "Get changed, right now." Was all she said before turning around and leaving your room.
You stomped after her "I'm going to be late to school if I change now!" you yelled as you followed her into the kitchen where your dad sat, completely unfazed by the argument which was taking place.
"That's your own fault, and don't yell at me like that." She responded, not even looking at you. "Mom, I'm not going to change."
She turned around once she grabbed her mug from the kitchen counter. "Oh but you are already. You are changing, because you would never wear something like this, especially not to school."
"Am I not allowed to change my style once in a while? You never approve of the way I dress anyways so why are you making a big deal out of this now?." She shook her head once again "You don't get it, y/n. You're... changing, as in ‘you’re becoming someone that you’re not’!" you scoffed in disbelief "I'm a teenager, of course I'm changing."
You turned away from your parents, and made your way to the hallway to put your shoes on. Once you reached your shoes you heard footsteps following you "You're really gonna go to school like that?" Your mom asked.
Once you slipped into one shoe you turned around and nodded. "You're grounded young lady, I hope you're aware of that." You slipped into the other shoe as you responded "I've been grounded my entire life, mom. Try harder." you said as you pushed past her to get your backpack.
Your mother just stood in the hallway, completely baffled. But before she could think of anything to say, you left the house already. Quickly making your way to Nate's truck.
Nate loved picking you up from home.
He wished you'd let him pick you up anywhere anytime, no matter where you were, but you only let him pick you up when you both had the same lessons in the morning.
He had told you that he'd pick you up even if you started earlier than him, but you immediately brushed it off.
Once you saw him your frown disappeared and you tried to smile again.
But Nate noticed. He always noticed when you were frowning, and when he saw your outfit he could already imagine what or specifically who made you frown.
To say that Nate disliked your parents would be an understatement. Whenever he would come over to your place, your mom would eye him and make snarky remarks.
Not only that, but she would sometimes enter your room -without knocking of course- every ten minutes to check on you, always with some sort of excuse as to why, just to make sure that the two of you weren't doing anything she would disapprove of.
He couldn't even hug you goodbye when he'd leave because when he did it once, your mom eyed him as if he was hurting you.
And your dad? He didn't know if he hated him even more.
He was barely there when Nate came over, and whenever you'd talk about him you would complain about him never caring about your arguments with your mom. He simply stayed out of it until it would annoy him, then he'd simply tell his wife to 'calm down' and that you 'shouldn't overreact'
And if you still wouldn't stop fighting with her, he'd simply get up and smoke outside or drive off to god knows where.
Having an overbearing mother and an absent father didn't do you any good, he'd gladly just have you move in with him, but his dad was probably even worse to live with than yours was.
"Everything alright?" Nate asked once you stepped inside the car, put your seatbelt on and sighed. You nodded, not looking at him "My mom's just mad at me because I'm wearing this to school today.." you explained as you fidgeted with your skirt.
That's when you noticed that you totally forgot to put on your cardigan in the heat of the moment. You mentally face palmed, knowing that you'd have to walk around like that without being able to hide at least a little bit of your body.
Nate nodded as he started the car. "I'm sorry to hear that... She’s always picking fights with you for no reason..." You nodded as you looked out of the passenger's window.
He looked at your thighs, which were just slightly on display, and fuck he would do everything just to touch them.
He decided to test the waters and reassuringly placed his hand on your thigh. You flinched slightly, not expecting the sudden gesture, but you didn't react in any way, which relieved him a lot.
"Don't be too hard on yourself, yeah? You can always come to my place or call me and I'll be there to pick you up and get your mind off things, alright?" You nodded with a soft smile on your lips.
You slowly turned back to him "Where have you been all my life? I would've needed you way sooner." Nate tried to contain his happiness.
You telling him you needed him, letting him touch your thigh and wearing his outfit? He was sure that he was the happiest man alive right now.
"Yeah, I also wish I could've been there sooner. But I'm here now, and I'm not gonna leave again." he assured. You placed your hand atop his on your thigh and nodded "Thank you.."
Everything was going so so well, until this Jake guy from your arts class decided to speak to you. He must've seen you with Nate, the two of you were almost inseparable after all. Did he have a death wish or something?
The way he looked at you as well, it made him sick.
You didn't even notice it, you were your usual friendly self, telling him something Nate couldn't make out from his seat, two rows behind the two of you. But it couldn't have possibly been funny enough for him to laugh so hard, that he had to place his hand on your shoulder for support.
He never cared much about Jake, never even talked to the guy, but he'd love to beat the shit out of him right now. Only stopping when you tell him to.
But based on your personality, you'd probably stop him right away.
Nate had more than enough however, when the guy still had his hand on your shoulder after ten seconds.
Nate got up, the sound of the chair scraping along the tiles on the floor so loud, that both you and Jake turned around right away.
Nate stared daggers into Jake as he made his way to the two of you, resulting in Jake's eyes widening slightly and him finally removing his hand from your shoulder "Move." was all Nate needed to say for Jake to smile at you one last time before immediately getting up and walking to his friend's desk.
You frowned at Nate not sure what had gotten into him. "Are you mad? Is everything okay?" You asked, worry evident on your face.
He was more than happy that you reacted this way and didn't ask him what the fuck was wrong with him for scaring the poor guy like that.
He shook his head before smiling "Everything's fine don't worry.. Jake's just really flirty with every girl that he sees, I just wanted to protect you." he reasoned.
You frowned, not aware that Jake has ever flirted with any girls in your classes, or you to begin with. He just seemed friendly, but you brushed it off nonetheless, knowing that Nate probably knew him better than you did.
"Wait, you’ve never had a boyfriend?" Nate asked in feigned disbelief, as you two sat in his living room after school one day. You shook your head in response as you waited for Nate to laugh at you.
Except, he didn't.
It only made him happier that you finally confirmed his theory.
He didn't expect you to have any ex-partners, since you told him you never really socialized or had stable friendships with anyone in the past.
He figured you also hadn't been in a relationship as well then. But your confirmation only made him happier. And you didn't seem like the type to just sleep with the next best boy you meet so he figured you also must be a virgin.
And he was eating it up.
Whenever he'd jerk himself off, he’d think about you and how fucking amazing you'd feel around him. How shy you would be in front of him once you two got intimate for the first time.
And after every time he came, he craved you even more. It took everything within him to refrain from picking you up and carrying you in his bed whenever you came over.
But he always told himself that the wait would be worth it.
He'd wait just for you, no matter how long it'd take.
"I just never got to form that kind of connection with anyone, since I barely talk to people.." You said as you played with the hem of your red sundress.
Yeah, you also started wearing dresses.
You told yourself that Nate wasn't the reason for it, but you knew that without him, you would have never considered wearing them in the first place.
You saw the way he looked at that one cheerleader, during one of his games last week and despite the fact that you never wanted to date him, you couldn't help but feel the urge to be... perfect in front of him.
Nate also noticed that.
Before, you'd just wear your baggy jeans to school, preferring comfort over style. But ever since last week, you seemed to constantly wear dresses and skirts.
Not only that, but you also did your best to appeal to him. You wore more make up, you shaved your arms despite not being too hairy to begin with. You pout so much effort into looking even more beautiful than you were already.
He wasn't sure why though, because he didn't push you that much after you went to the boutique. He was praying that you only do it for him and not to impress any other boy at school though.
"Besides, it's useless anyways. Who knows when my father is gonna move again.." You said, suddenly feeling sad as you thought about your life without Nate.
Nate considered that as well.
He didn't like the idea at all and he'd do anything to stop that from happening. To stop your parents from taking you away from him.
Hell, he'd buy you a flat somewhere if he has to, or have you move in with him if that's what it took.
Nate took your hand in his, brushing his thumb over your knuckles "Hey, don't think about that alright? We'll find a solution if that should happen." he said reassuringly.
You nodded, a small smile on your face. You loved it when Nate was affectionate. You seemed to be the only person he was genuinely nice to.
"What about you though? I bet you had plenty of relationships." You grinned, his hand still comfortably wrapped around yours.
Nate chuckled "Yeah I didn't have that many relationships, but the ones I had were… intense." He answered "Oh, that bad?" you asked as you frowned at him.
He was more than glad you asked, because now he could finally tell you about Maddy and Cassie in a subtle way.
Once he was done, you’d never even consider believing them.
He nodded in response "Yeah... I was with Maddy for a pretty long time, do you know her?" he asked, hoping to find out whether she's talked to you or not.
You thought for a moment before nodding your head. "I think she's in one of my classes. Maddy... Perez?" Nate nodded, swallowing hard.
He was hoping you didn't know her, praying that the both of you never cross paths. But that was hopeless considering how popular she was.
"She's.. definitely something." You chuckled dryly as you couldn't help but compare yourself to her.
You didn't stand a chance with Nate if that's his type.
You always thought she was really pretty, and since she was on the cheerleading team, you knew she must be popular too. You always saw her with her group of friends and you admired her style, her beauty, her confidence, everything.
But she always seemed to give you weird looks and now you could imagine why. She probably was still in love with Nate, and didn’t like him having female friends.
Nate noticed the smile on your face falter just a slight bit, and he could only assume that she must've treated you badly that bitch, always causing fucking problems
"What do you mean?" You shrugged, unsure of how to explain it "She just... She's really pretty and I like her style. I wanted to compliment her before but she always gives me this look." You responded, your gaze locked onto the carpet.
Nate frowned at the thought of her.
How dare she even look your way? And how dare she make you feel uncomfortable? He could imagine why she was looking at you though, probably annoyed by how much time you and him spend, and how obedient you were already.
Something she could never do.
"But maybe I'm just imagining things, I might be a bit paranoid.. She's really pretty though, I bet the two of you looked great together.." Nate cringed at your words.
He couldn’t stand her, and the thought of everything he did for her, despite her acting like a bitch all the time, made his blood boil. The sound of her voice alone gave him chills, reminding him of how often she’d yell at him in front of her friends.
He's sure that you and him would look way better together.
"I'm honestly glad we're not together anymore.. She was awfully mean, and just so ungrateful." he sighed as he looked to the ground. "She constantly blamed me for everything when she was clearly at fault, fuck, she even..."
You weren't sure if you've seen Nate so vulnerable before, so hurt and all because of that girl. "…She even cheated on me at a party, in front of everyone, just because we had an argument." your eyes widened.
You did not expect Maddy to be such a bad person. Especially to someone like Nate, he seemed like he'd give his all to the person he loves. He was giving you his all and you weren't even his girlfriend.
You removed your hand from his, and scooted closer to him, wrapping your arm around his firm back and leaning your head against his arm. "I'm so sorry Nate.. you didn't deserve that.." You said as you stroked his back.
Nate suddenly got goosebumps, not expecting you to hug him like that. He was convinced he deserved an oscar for that performance, that's for sure. He leaned into your touch, enjoying how close he was to you, and the sweet scent of your perfume.
"It's alright... I got over it eventually. Sometimes people just disappoint you and you have to learn to live with it." he responded.
Which was an absolute fucking lie.
He still wanted to hurt her for humiliating him like that back at the pool, and he also still prays for her downfall and a chance to humiliate her just as bad.
You lifted your head and looked at him "We don't have to speak about her anymore if you don't want to. I'll even slap her for you if you want." you said half jokingly.
You'd never purposefully hurt anyone, or risk being the center of attention at school. But you just wanted to see Nate happy. He seemed so sad right now and even if he said he's over it, you knew he wasn't.
Nate chuckled before wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you flat against his chest "There's no need for that. I'm just glad that you're here right now, you're all I need." He said as he stroked your shoulder.
You tried not to freak out.
The fact that he held you so close and literally told you that you're all he needed made you feel things, you didn't want to feel.
You didn't want to feel like he liked you more than just in a platonic way. You didn't want to get your hopes up, hell you didn't even want to have a crush on him.
You were so sure that you didn't have a chance, especially when he told you who his ex girlfriend was, but then why did he treat you like that? Why did he tell you you were all he needed?
“Do you also know Cassie, by chance?” he asked after a moment of silence. You thought for a moment, before shaking your head. He sighed, both in relief and in annoyance as he remembered her.
“Cassie and I also used to date. But she turned into an absolute psycho after some time. She was totally obsessed with me…” Nate explained before he sighed. “If she ever talks to you, tell me, alright? Same with Maddy, don’t talk to any of them.” he added suddenly very serious.
You nodded in response “What exactly did she do..? If you don’t mind me asking.” You asked carefully, since it seemed to be a touchy subject for him.
“She was.. possessive, unpredictable, and insecure. I was scared of her sometimes I can’t even lie... She just has this insane look in her eyes, at first I didn’t notice it but as our relationship progressed, I couldn’t ignore it anymore.”
Your eyes widened once again. If she really was that possessive over Nate, what if she thinks you two are together? Would she actually hurt you? You swallowed hard at the thought.
Nate observed your reaction, taking notice of how pale you became suddenly He didn't mean to scare you, but he had to warn you, in order to protect you from both of them.
"Jeez, that's... actually scary." you chuckled dryly, not sure how to react to the newfound information. "Don't worry though, I'll protect you from them, you got nothing to worry about." he said as he looked at you longingly.
Would it be too soon to ask you to be his now?
Probably the wrong moment to ask you, since he just told you about his crazy ex girlfriends. But he didn't want to wait any longer, he couldn't wait much longer.
Not when his need for you became stronger and stronger.
Sure, being your friend and spending time with you was amazing. You were sweet, funny and you wouldn't refuse him a thing. But it wasn't enough for him, not really.
He needed to act soon, because it frustrated him more and more each day. Nate just had to catch you talking to a boy from your class and it made him furious.
Not to mention how sexually frustrated he was.
His hand was not enough to satisfy him anymore, he craved so much more and that only caused him to be insufferable at times, unable to relax and always in a bad mood.
He really tried his hardest not to lash out on you like he did on McKay or his teammates. He was sure that if Cassie dared to approach him or you he'd absolutely lose his shit.
“Didn’t know you were home yet.”
You and Nate turned towards the person who just entered the living room in unison. It was Nate’s brother Aaron.
Great.
Nate rolled his eyes and sighed. Why was he home already? “Yeah, school ended earlier today.” He replied drily. He did not want Aaron to interact with you in any way, since he knew how off putting he could be.
“Let’s go,” Nate got up as he looked at you with a cold expression. You knew not to ask any questions when he got like this, so you just nodded and got up from the sofa.
“Woah, who are you? New girlfriend?” Your eyes widened as you laughed nervously “Oh, n-no we’re just really good friends.” You stated as you smiled at his brother.
And it bothered Nate so much. Why were you smiling at him? He knew you only wanted to be polite, but it bothered him because Aaron wasn’t worthy of your politeness or smile.
He wanted to be the only guy you smile at, even though that’s basically impossible with how fucking nice you were.
Aaron smiled back at you, as he playfully tilted his head to the side “That’s surprising, d’you have a boyfriend already?” He asked before he looked you up and down “Because you’re definitely Nate’s type.”
The room fell silent for a moment, mostly because you didn’t know what to say to that at all, and because Nate tried his hardest not to turn into an aggressive asshole in front of you.
You once again chuckled nervously, before you swallowed the lump in your throat, feeling like your heart would jump out any moment. “Um… I don’t have a boyfriend and I’m sure that I’m not Nate’s type.”
You didn’t even know why you said the last part, because you could tell that Nate was fuming more and more with each word you said to him. Before Aaron could respond, Nate did “Alright enough, Aaron, we’ll head upstairs now if you don’t mind.”
Aaron sighed exaggeratedly “That’s too bad, I really enjoyed the company of…?” he said as he looked towards you now “Y/n.” You responded, and Aaron nodded “Y/n, go ahead, you know where my room is.” Nate commanded.
You really wish it didn’t, but his demanding tone and sudden change of persona really did something to you. It excited you in a way.
You nodded and walked towards the hallway, where Aaron was standing. Before you could pass him though, he moved in front of you, looking down at you with a predatory grin “You know, if Nate doesn’t want you, I’d be totally down-”
Your eyes widened in response as you heard Nate stomping towards the two of you.
Nate had more than enough by now, “Shut the fuck up already!” He almost yelled. Aaron chuckled “I was just joking around why’re you so mean in front of your cute little friend?” He mocked before smirking at you again.
Nate turned towards you, this time even more irritated “Go upstairs, now.” You gulped and finally moved towards the stairs again, quickly making your way up.
You were sitting on Nate’s bed as you could hear his deep voice downstairs and you were sure he’d actually beat his brother up. You couldn’t make out what he was saying except for a very loud “Stay the fuck away from her!”
You didn’t have to wait for long until Nate entered the room, slamming the door shut behind him. He eyed you with a mixture of possessiveness and longing but also with a hint of softness.
His mind was currently occupied with fantasies about fucking you on his bed, while you moan about how good he feels, and how he’s the only one you need, while his brother is forced to listen to your moans that echo through the entire house. Knowing he could never be lucky enough to be in his spot.
He wondered if you’d be into that? If you had this corrupt side that no one knew about. Maybe you fantasized about him as well?
“Sorry about my brother, he’s a fucking asshole.” Nate stated as he walked towards you. “I hope he didn’t make you feel too uncomfortable..” He added as his gaze softened.
You shook your head, your signature smile on your lips “No, don’t worry. Are you okay though? I hope you guys didn’t fight too hard..”
He loved how considerate you were despite everything that happened. Despite Nate being somewhat rude to you earlier, and his brother making you uncomfortable, you still cared for Nate.
“No, not much more than we usually do, don’t worry.” He sighed as he plopped down on the bed next to you. “Wanna watch a movie?” He asked as he tilted his head to the side. You smiled and nodded in response.
Nate turned his TV on and grabbed the remote before he plopped down onto his bed again. He scooted towards you, wrapping his arm around you and you could’ve sworn you’ve never felt more at peace than in moments like these. Nestled against him, comfortably on his bed.
And Nate felt the same way, if not even more at peace.
You were his escape from his fucked up family just as much as he was yours, and you were the only one he truly cared for besides himself. He couldn’t wait until he could finally call you his.
In his eyes you were his already, from the moment he first laid eyes on you. And he’s come so far, molded you into perfection. There’s no way he’d let you go.
All that was left now, was to make you officially his.
✎ Thank you so so so much for reading I hope you liked it :3 again don’t be shy to give me honest feedback, likes and reblogs are appreciated!! ♡
- Cassandra
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