#which I prefer greatly to be honest

[lesless]

It’s warm, & I can’t sleep. My love is sleeping beside me & the fan is doing little, but despite it I love the summertime. Tomorrow we will again soak in ice cold waters, & spend time together. The staycation was a good idea, doing things at our leisure has been lovely. All the chores I wanted done are complete, once I get back to work I will re-embark on going through old writings & art. So much I felt tethered to has lost its grip on me. I am content in so many layers.

[overlysour]

#CRYO CHARACTERS♡-THEIR VOICELINES ABOUT YOU

Includes: Kaeya, Shenhe, Ganyu, Mika, Rosaria, Qiqi, Chongyun, Layla, Ayaka, Eula, Freminet & Diona.

Kaeya

About [Name]:

“Oh, [Name]? Yes, they’re my significant other, why? You’re not taking a liking to them, I hope. Of course, with such a personality, I’d have to fight off many people but I’d prefer if it weren’t you, traveler.. Hah, just joking with you! But yes, [Name] is indeed my lover.”

Shenhe

About [Name]:

“You’re asking about [Name]? Oh, I see. They are someone who I always feel comfortable with, much like yourself but more intimate. They have always seen me as human, despite my upbringing, and approached me very willingly, asking me if I was okay.”

Ganyu

About [Name]:

“Oh! My opinion on them? Well, they’re wonderful! They’re someone who always helps me take breaks, someone who always asks if I’m okay and mostly importantly, someone who I care deeply for..”

Mika

About [Name]:

“[Name] is a reliable teammate and person in general. No matter what situation either of us get in, we always help each other!”

Rosaria

About [Name]

“I don’t see why you’re asking me about them but [Name] is someone who’s trustworthy, I’m completely sure of that. Huh, are we friends?.. I guess you could call it that”

Qiqi

About [Name]

“Mm? Oh, [Name]?.. Much like an older sibling…”

Chongyun

About [Name]

“I greatly admire [Name] and I have nothing but respect for them! They often save me from Xingqiu’s antics whilst somehow not falling victim to them, I’m not sure how they manage, to be honest..”

Layla

About [Name]

“They’re definitely someone you can go to when in need of help or maybe even just a chat! [Name] always helps me with my sleeping problems, I’m often quite unsure how to pay them back for it…”

Ayaka

About [Name]

“Oh, you don’t know them? That’s a surprise, I was under the impression most people aquatinted with me did! Well, how do I say this… [Name] is my lover so most people close to me know of them”

Eula

About [Name]

“You wish to know about [Name]? What is your reason for such, are they in trouble? .. They’re not? Good then.”

Diona

About [Name]

“[Name]?!…. Y-you know them? They’re always telling me to go easy on the wine industry, which is totally annoying, but I guess they help me sometimes.. Agh, no, I do not think they’re cool!!”

Freminet

About [Name]

“[Name] often waits above the water whilst I’m diving, they sometimes even join me. ..Do I look forward to it? Ah, well, yes..!”

[elysiansparadise]

Hi! I'd like to know more about Mars square Saturn in synastry if you're up to it. Thank you.

How to deal with Mars-Saturn square in synastry?

The square between Mars-Saturn can cause differences when it comes to taking action. One may be more action-oriented, while the other tends to think too much before doing something. Their approach when implementing an idea can be very different, creating irritability or frustration depending on the occasion. One party may constantly feel 'held back' by the other. 

As for practical approaches, I can mention the following:

🤍Accept your differences: Through acceptance, complementation can come. You two are a team and having different approaches can make them an excellent one, mixing the ability to act of one and the ability to plan of the other can lead to not only achieving success, but to being a very strong and lasting couple in the long term. Understanding that differences are not necessarily a bad thing and keeping an open mind by recognizing the good side of these traits in the other can help you create a healthy and supportive environment.

🤍Identify friction and come to agreements: Talk about situations where you feel like you are clashing with the other [for example, money, responsibilities, time together]. This step creates a foundation of mutual understanding and allows you to anticipate future problems. To avoid recurring frustrations, it is essential that the couple work on conscious agreements about how to act in situations of conflict or making important decisions.

🤍Honest and constructive conversations: Don't be afraid to tell your partner how you feel or if you see it as optimal for both of you to make changes. It is important that both seek the well-being of the other without this meaning demotivating them or offering destructive criticism, you can disagree without harming the other person. Tact is a crucial part, but it requires honesty for it to be positive and useful. You need to talk about your feelings, needs, preferences and dislikes.

Some aspects in astrology that can help with this are the following:

🩶Aspects between Mars/Uranus and Moon not only create a happy, positive and comfortable environment in this couple, but both can help each other get out of their comfort zone by reassuring the other that they will be there to make the process smooth and positive for the other. There is a strong camaraderie between them and they work together to ensure that the relationship progresses and does not feel tense.

🩶The aspects between Mercury-Saturn can give you tact to say things. You can help each other through advice to shape or give more structure to your partner's ideas [in the case of Saturn person], or provide greater productivity and guide to action [in case of Mars person]. Constructive criticism, support and ease of sharing your projects, ideas or ways of thinking with your partner without feeling attacked.

🩶The harmonious aspects between Mars-Venus greatly favor sexual and romantic compatibility, and of course, a pleasant and comfortable coexistence for both. Promotes complementarity, the ability to connect in a calm, patient and loving way with your partner and seek to move forward and grow from love and affection.

🩶When we find harmonious aspects between Mars and Jupiter, it not only creates great sexual chemistry and makes it easier to maintain a lively and positive coexistence, but it also favors the resolution of conflicts. This couple seeks to find ways so that both benefit from the decisions they make together, they seek justice and what is right for both of them. Likewise, these aspects create this ease to see a future together in which things look brighter.

🩶When Jupiter is making a conjunction, trine or sextile with Saturn gives the couple that willingness to work on the relationship, the maturity to solve issues calmly and in a practical and beneficial way for both. Likewise, making this couple last over time. The commitment they feel with each other does not feel limiting, since both can guide each other and grow together.

🩶The harmonious aspects between Uranus and Saturn reinforce commitment without the relationship becoming suffocating, since the spark of the unexpected is maintained and refreshes the dynamic. This can be key to alleviating any feelings of stagnation. It is a mix of fluidity with stability, which can provide a supportive and long-term oriented environment.

🩶Your Mars falling in the 6th, 9th or 10th house: With these Mars overlays, the Mars person can help your partner feel more motivated, energetic and able to achieve things. Both will have an energizing effect on the other. Mars in the 6th or 10th does the task of 'shaping' the other's ideas very well, giving them realistic and more achievable perspectives without demotivating the other, support and a way to act and achieve things in the long term. And Mars falling in the 9th house can bring new perspectives and encouragement to your partner.

🩶Mercury falling in the other's 1st, 3rd, or 4th house can be of great help, since any of the previous mentioned helps them connect very easily. Not only in terms of getting to know them well, but also creating a strong intellectual connection in which they feel that they are in tune with what someone else really thinks or believes. The conversations are fluid and they feel that they can be open with each other without being judged.

🩶Honorable mention to: If you and/or your partner have mutable Moon, Mars or Mercury. Pluto-Jupiter trine or sextile. Sun-Mars harmonious aspects.

[whimsicalwritingsandmore]

Spy Family | ateez x reader

Pairing: spy!ateez x spy!reader

Genre: spy, action, a little romance

Word Count: 1223 words

Summary: You’ve been seeing Ateez for a year, and you’re wondering, can you actually break their hearts?

a/n: I still don't know how I feel about what I've written here but I've had this in my drafts for a YEAR and it's time that I finally complete it! this is a short series of 4 parts so I won't have a taglist for it, all the parts are drafted, it just needs editing so I'll publish the next parts as soon as I finish editing it! :) Enjoyyyy and let me know your thoughts! Reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated. <3

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Part 1

As you watched Wooyoung prepare dinner for everyone, the feeling of remorse sat heavily on your shoulders as the culpable feeling of regret gnawed at you from within. Every time you thought about what you were doing, your stomach twisted and churned with guilt.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

It was supposed to be a simple payback but now that you thought about it, nothing about it was simple from the start. It had almost been a year since you began your relationship with Wooyoung that had spilled over with the rest of the boys. Initially, you heard about them from your best friend whose younger brother was dating Wooyoung’s sister. Then you saw them around the Institute occasionally, since like you, they were spies in training. They joined a sister organization adjacent to yours and so, you would work alongside each other from time to time. Although, you were never on the same team for missions.

But perhaps it would have remained a professional relationship - if only Wooyoung’s sister didn’t break Beomgyu’s heart the way she did.

If only she was loyal and honest, maybe you wouldn’t be in this situation today. First, she lied and cheated, then she proceeded to humiliate him at the inauguration ceremony for new spy recruits. You remembered that evening vividly. Beomgyu had always been shy so it took a lot of courage to confess how much she meant to him that night. As everything unraveled, you were seething with anger alongside your best friend Ara. Before you knew it though, Ara was already on the other side of the hall, grabbing the girl by her ponytail and slamming her into a table before dunking her into the fountain. It took six people to get her off the girl.

That should’ve been enough revenge.

But for Ara, it wasn’t. She seethed in animosity and fury for months and then in sadness as she watched her sibling drown in heartbreak, humiliation and pain. Then she approached you. She snooped around for more information about the girl and discovered she had a younger brother - Wooyoung.

“An eye for an eye.” she claimed.

You could have said no. There was no need for you to get involved. But you considered Beomgyu to be like a younger brother so you agreed, albeit apprehensively. So now here you were - semi-cohabiting with all eight boys and they were nothing like what people had described about them. They kept to themselves and hardly interacted outside of their established circle so most claimed they were stand-offish and haughty. But in reality, they were kind, sweet, thoughtful and friendly.

Hongjoong, Yeosang and Jongho weren’t big fans of public displays of affection but rather preferred showing their affection in the safe spaces that were their rooms. On the other hand, Seonghwa and Yunho, who would seem intimidating because of their height, were sweethearts who didn’t mind small gestures such as either holding hands or being back-hugged in public unless it resulted in both of you tumbling down a hill…which happened only once. Meanwhile, San and Mingi were in-between because of their shy nature, while Wooyoung didn’t mind letting the whole world know how much you meant to him.

You couldn’t break their hearts.

So, you made another plan. In the next few days you had an upcoming mission that was out of the country and that would last a month, with perhaps a few weeks extra spilling over into the next. In that time, you would be unable to be in contact regularly so slowly, you would begin to distance yourselves from them. You weren’t going to tell them when you’ll be back and hopefully soon enough, the message would be clear.

As you replayed your foolproof plan in your head, Wooyoung draped himself over you while the others chattered amongst themselves as the evening wore on and dinner concluded. He ran his fingers through your hair and prodded your head with his nose to seek your attention as he swayed the two of you back and forth.

“You okay?” he whispered.

As you snapped out of your thoughts, you looked up to see the sweet, tender look he gave you - one that was filled with adoration and so much love. You nodded sweetly with a soft smile that you hoped was convincing before melting yourself deeper into his embrace, tracing circles on his forearm. He welcomed the gesture warmly and pressed a chaste kiss to your temple.

“I love you so much.” he murmured in your ear.

Everything inside you felt like it was frozen in place as you processed his words. Wooyoung said he loves you and though you tried to convince yourself that what you were planning was the best decision, you couldn’t ignore that bubbling feeling of warmth and tenderness that rushed in your veins when he said it - you felt the same.

On the way home, you were lost in thought. Your heart ached at the idea of never talking to the boys again. Each of them in their own way had left an impact that made your heart flutter and cheeks turn red. And after Wooyoung’s confession earlier and his sneaky kiss that may have turned into a small but passionate makeout session in a corner of the hallway right next to the elevator, you were distressed. It was unexpected like his confession. You were almost to the elevators when you felt a hand grab you and suddenly, you were being pulled into the cozy corner. Startled but aware of the familiar presence, especially by the bracelet on his arm that was identical to yours, you turned your gaze to find Wooyoung once again, staring at you with so much love and adoration before he pressed his lips to yours.

Arriving at your organization’s headquarters, you bumped into another figure who stood up to greet you but you didn’t see. It was Beomgyu. You both looked at each other with a sad smile, one that didn’t need any questioning because you both knew what it meant. The two of you strolled into the lobby in silence before Beomgyu turned to you and finally spoke.

“I’m sorry I’ve put you through this.” he laments.

“No,” you answer tiredly rubbing your face, “It’s on me. I agreed to it with Ara.”

“Still, I should’ve stopped you both.” he mumbles, “But…I also wanted revenge. At the time it felt so right.”

You couldn’t fault him, at one point, it seemed “right” to you too. 

“It’s okay, I’ll figure it out.” 

Before he can continue, you both hear a tick that raises alarm bells in your minds. The two of you turn around warily, unsure of what it is and where it's coming from, but before either of you can react, the wall explodes. Beomgyu grabs and pushes you under him to the ground behind a wall to protect the two of you.

After a few minutes of you trying to catch your bearings and soothe the unrelentless ringing in your ears, you look towards the debris and notice a small paper neatly rolled and tied with a gold string right in the middle of the floor, untouched by the rubble. Picking it up to read it, your blood runs cold with the three big words sprawled out in red.

“You’ve been warned.”

[ulquiorrapleasecallmetrash]

Sfw and nsfw headcannons for mayuri with a fem but he actually loves her plz

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Mayuri Kurotsuchi SFW and NSFW Relationship Headcanons

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Random:Bleach

Rated: 18+

Genre: sfw and smutty headcanons

Warnings: slight mention of cnc roleplay

Admin Harmony🐯: I hope you enjoy this!

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✿-Mayuri first met his s/o, he had little to no interest in them.

✿- I mean he had little to no interest in dating in general.

✿He doesn’t have time to date, he is busy doing too many experiments all at once.

✿- So, in order to somehow attract him you have to have a very interesting personalty.

✿- He is strictly a personalty kind of guy, he doesn’t give 2 shits about looks. 

✿-You could look like the weirdest gremlin in the whole soul society and he would still think his s/o is attractive.

✿- That being said, once you do catch his interest dating him would be interesting.

✿He would really enjoy someone who is also into science because they both have something in common. But, it’s okay if his s/o isn’t into it either. As long as they are interesting  in some way or another it doesn’t matter.

✿Once you two start to date people can slowly start to see him act differently around his s/o than with others.

✿ we know that he generally has no regard over most others, but with his s/o it’s different…

✿He doesn’t want to do any experiments (or at least any, dangerous ones.)  especially if his s/o lack the same views and or interest in them.

✿If his s/o has no interest in science or experiments then he would prefer for his s/o to be completely separate from it.

✿The most his s/o would be  is just hanging out in his lab (He even has a nice chair or love seat for them to sit in, and yes, people have question it to him.)

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✿I feel like in general he doesn’t really have a high sex drive.

✿but when he does want to have sex ooohhh boy.

✿He is a very kinky person ngl.

✿  He is into roleplay, you can kind of guess of the roleplay he is into.

✿Also into doctor/patient roleplay as long he can “use” his crazy tools on his s/o and especially if his s/o enjoys it.

✿Definitely more of dominate, and he also loves degrading his partners. 

✿ he is both a sadist and a masochist at the same. (Sadist leaning)

✿Enjoys someone who is a huge masochist.

✿He likes very messy sex, he enjoys all of the slobber, tears, and bodily fluids.

✿HE IS A TEASE and he loves to edge his partners to the point of them crying and begging for them to let him cum.

✿When he is domming, he loves brats, just more fun ways for him to “torture” them.

✿Favorite place and probably the only place for you guys to have sex is in his lab since he is always in there.

✿But every once in while you guys can take it in his office or his bedroom it just really depends on his mood.

✿Enjoys face fucking, and sloppy blowjobs, and “forcing” his s/o a blowjob.

✿I’m going to be honest, this is a heated opinion but I think he would low-key be into cnc roleplay.

✿ONLY IF HIS S/o LIKES IT. CONSENT IS IMPORTANT!

✿Sometimes he has his makeup on during sex, it’s mainly equal parts.  One day he will, one day he wont,

✿does do after care with his s/o because he cares about them greatly.

✿when he is feeling soft (which is a treat) he will praise them, and caress them gently.

✿Enjoys skin on skin contact.

✿Either way, no matter who is s/o he still loves them and will do whatever he can to make his s/o comfortable during sex.

[penkura]

I feel like I annoy you. I am so sorry if i do and feel free to ignore it.

After you wrote feverdream so beautifully I was so overwhelmed. (Ofc i do love all of your work)

Tbh Penguin with a dominant side lives free in my head. Especially if he maybe isnt too fond of reader during a miscommunication (or other scenarios). I am weak for an enemy to lover trope. Even so we know that our boy is mostly totally sweet and most likely to become friends with everyone in an instant.

So if you are interested in it or find inspiration I would love to see the result.

Otherwise if you prefer pure fluff. It would surely be funny for either Penguin or Law tonget hit by a truth fruit kinda power. So they have to be completely honest for a short period of time and i can totally see them going to hide so they cant spell their true feelings towards you.

Either way have a fantastic day and i sure hope work will treat you good and you can take a break soon ❤️

Since you've been doing the Truth Truth Fruit posts, I'll do the first prompt! 👀 I got an idea that I hope is to your liking, and everyone else's of course!

More Penguin prompts please I love him sm

Penguin doesn’t get you at all.

He’s tried, every day since you joined, to be nice and accommodating, he tries to include you in group card games, attempts to help you with whatever chores you’re assigned, and stays up to sit with you on night watches. The problem, though, is you, how you don’t even talk to him when he tries to speak to you or anything really. If he calls for you, you stare at him with your eyes slightly wide, which confuses him greatly. If he has something for you or Law needs you, all you do is nod in response and leave, not even thanking him.

What the hell is your problem, what could he have done to make you act so coldly towards him? He just wants to be your friend, even when Shachi tries to suggest it’s more than that is what Penguin wants, but he just rolls his eyes at his lifelong friend. There are zero ulterior motives, he’s just trying to be nice and a good crewmate, that’s all it is.

If only you would talk to him, let him prove he’s not a bad person, but he’s just so frustrated at this point that he’s given up, Penguin has started to ignore you just the same as you’ve done to him. He only speaks to you now if Law needs something from you, he doesn’t even ask you to join in cards night or to go with him and Shachi into towns anymore. If you do hang out with everyone on game nights, you’re more inclined to sit off to the side with Law and watch everyone, mostly talking to your captain.

Penguin has mostly given up, you won’t talk to him or anything. You must dislike him, that’s the only thing that makes sense, isn’t it? Yeah, that’s it. You don’t like him. He can’t make you like him, so he won’t try anymore, he won’t bother. He stops talking to you entirely, even if someone else needs you. He just gets Shachi or Ikkaku to talk to you.

It does annoy your crewmates, to see the two of you at odds and not wanting to talk to each other for…what was the reason again? Shachi isn’t sure, but he’s tired of it just like the rest of them.

It's why he brings up the idea of leading you and Penguin into one of the supply closets, separately, before locking you both in and setting someone as guard to prevent anyone from letting you out until you’ve talked about things. He’s lucky that your crewmates are willing to help, Clione easily leads you in and the makes an excuse that he needs to ask Law something. In reality he went to get Penguin with the same excuse of needing to look for something, pushing the older man into the closet and causing him to nearly knock you over, before the door is pulled closed and locked from the outside. Penguin really tried to open it, for several minutes, before he sighed and gave up. You’d already decided to sit in a corner and let him be, even while he kicks an empty bucket out of frustration.

“Stupid, all of them.” Penguin sighs and sits across from you the best he can, though it’s still close enough that your shoes are touching.

You don’t say anything, you’re confused why you and Penguin have been locked in the supply closet. You know he doesn’t like you, you’ve known from the start, believing he’s always pretending to be nice when he invites you for games and the like. You were used to that, from men and women, but you’d come to trust Ikkaku and Clione more than anyone. Shachi was working his way into your circle, but you felt like Penguin was just messing with you all the time, even when your crewmates swore he wasn’t like that and he really did want to be your friend. It’s hard for you to believe that, even harder to accept it despite your growing feelings for Penguin.

Part of you wonders what you did to develop a crush on someone who doesn’t even talk to you anymore.

“…any idea why they locked us in here?”

Penguin shrugs, ignoring the fact this is the first time he’s heard your voice in the last few months you’ve been with them.

“Probably trying to make us talk or something. Bet Shachi came up with it.” Another sigh whole he takes off his hat for a moment to brush his hair back, barely taking note of how your eyes widen a little and you look more nervous, “Just cause we’re on the same crew doesn’t me have to like each other…”

“Oh,” your shoulders drop a bit but you nod, you figured he didn’t like you after all, “Yeah…I guess so…”

Odd, he didn’t think you’d sound so disappointed. If you two are locked in here though, he might as well try some small talk. There’s nothing else to do unless you want to make a supplies list.

“Can I ask you something?” Penguin has to think of how to word it when you nod, even as you keep your eyes off him, “Why don’t you talk to me?”

It takes you a few minutes to come up with a response, Penguin thinks you’re not to answer so he doesn’t hold his breath for one. It stands to reason, you don’t talk to him normally anyway.

“My last crew, well, just a couple of them, they’d invite me to do stuff then go without me or tell me it was a joke,” you sigh a little while Penguin watches you, seeming to understand a little more, “I guess I just let that get to me when you started being so friendly, I was expecting the same things. I should—”

“I wouldn’t do that to you. I wanted to be friends with you.”

“Shachi told me that but I didn’t believe him…I’m sorry, I should’ve trusted that you weren’t like them.”

“…I probably should’ve taken things slow, sorry.”

You both stay quiet for a bit after that, not sure what else to say or talk about. It feels so awkward, you hate this kind of forced small talk. Penguin eventually stands up, holding his hand out to help you up, and not letting go after you’re on your feet, giving you a slight smile.

“Let’s start over, yeah? We’ll pretend the last few months didn’t happen, and work out a friendship together.”

“I think I’d like that, Penguin.”

You two will move past this, you’ll become real friends and spend more time together, especially after Shachi lets you out of the closet and Penguin chases him down for it, threatening to lock his friend in their next. The next time Penguin invites you to play cards with everyone, you join and end up beating him during a far too long game of poker. He’s shocked but the grin on your face makes his heart feel weird, and he can’t help the smile that comes across his own face.

Man…maybe Shachi was right and there is more here…

[redditpinterest]

gold rush | cole walter

cole walter x female mc

summary: gracie has never been in love. she thinks. though, the enigmatic cole walter seems to have invaded her thoughts and infected her in every sense. she's completely enamored. too bad every other girl is too.

word count: 3.5k

author's note: i thought we could have a little haley james tutor moment and it was so much fun to write

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

When we are little, our mothers always tell us to never stare at the sun. That the brightness is too much for our delicate irises. It's hard to imagine that something so essential to our lives can be just as harmful. We count on the sun to rise, as much as we count on it to set. It's a constant in our lives, the kind of thing that feels comforting because you know that no matter what, it will never leave.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

I startle as the bell pulls me from my thoughts, the ramblings of my calculus teacher going in one ear and out the other. Truly, I try to pay attention in class. But it's hard when he's sitting right there, not knowing. Not knowing that I would do anything to have the privilege of loving him.

I've always wondered what it must be like to grow up that beautiful. With the kind of hair that falls into place like dominoes and the kind of eyes that captivate a room. I've never been anything special. Not like Cole Walter. He's enigmatic, pulling everyone in and willing us to look in his direction.

Standing from my desk, I take my books into my arms and beeline for the lockers. I've got work after school, and we just got a new shipment in, meaning I get to spend my time reading the backs of the covers and creating a mental tbr. I force myself to forget Cole, hating how much of my thoughts he seems to consume when he barely knows my name.

Sure, we've been in class together since grade-school, but he's always hung around Dylan and Erin. Never me, not that I've even tried to be his friend. I'm not good at that kind of stuff. I much prefer to keep to myself, silently admiring him, because it's comfortable. He'll never know how much he consumes me, but that's okay. He doesn't need to. My crush on Cole Walter is as steady as the sun that rises each day. The sun never thinks about me, it just simply exists, and the rest of us revolve around it.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

The next week, my calculus teacher asks me to stay after class. To be completely honest, I was confused, since I was doing well in his class. I had even aced the last test.

"Gracie, I wanted to ask you a favor. I have a student who is really struggling in this class and I think that he would greatly benefit from your insights. Of course, you would get volunteer hours, but I was wondering if you could offer your time to tutor him?"

My brows furrow, Mr. Henry leaning against his desk, his arms crossed in front of him. I've tutored kids before, but it was always through the tutoring center at school. A teacher has never explicitly asked me to tutor one kid in one subject.

I don't really have the time, working at the bookstore, being on the volleyball team, and balancing my other courses. But I would hate to let Mr. Henry down, since he's one of my favorite teachers. And the people-pleaser in me can rarely find myself saying no. Which is why I nod, holding tightly onto the straps of my backpack.

"Yeah, of course. I'm free seventh period, so if you could just send him to the tutoring center then, that would be great."

Mr. Henry looks relieved, sending me a smile of approval.

"Perfect, thank you so much Gracie."

"Mhm." I nod as I begin to leave the classroom, "See ya, Mr. Henry."

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

I feel like a little kid again, like at any moment I'm going to be scolded for looking at the sun for too long. But it's kind of hard not to stare when none other than Cole Walter walked into the tutoring center.

He's holding a green slip of paper, his blond hair gracefully falling into place. A simple grey t-shirt clings to his torso, his tanned arms seeming to shine as if he wasn't even from this world. A smirk adorns his lips, as his eyes connect with mine. I swear I feel my heart stutter in my chest.

"Gracie?" He lifts the paper in my direction.

I don't know if I can do this. I don't want him to be real. I'm perfectly fine with him being a figment of my imagination, a projection of my personal life. He didn't know me. He didn't need to. We would graduate and my silly crush on Cole Walter would disappear as if it were a hummingbird in the spring. There one minute, gone the next. And I was okay with that. He was never supposed to be permanent. But I'm afraid that if I get to know him, one of two things will happen.

He is nothing like my brain has projected onto him, and this daydream of mine is inevitably ruined.

This crush of mine becomes something so permanent that I fear I will never be able to scrub it from my brain.

Either one sounds like hell.

I realize that I haven't responded yet, and Cole is giving me an odd look that I can't quite decipher.

"Oh yeah, hi." I scramble to say, standing up from the table and holding my hand out like an idiot.

Cole's eyes glance down at my hand before bouncing back up to my face. Reluctantly his palm slides against mine and he gives it a good shake before pulling away with a laugh.

"So formal."

He pulls the chair out next to mine, throwing his body into it and leaning over to reach into his backpack.

"Sorry." My cheeks heat with embarrassment as I sit back down.

His scent immediately intoxicates me, and I can't tell if it's cologne or just him. The woodsy notes fill my senses and I can't help but wonder if he knows how enamored everyone is by Cole Walter.

"So, Mr. Henry seems to think that I need some help with calculus. Can you help me, Gracie?"

I give him a soft smile, not daring to look him in the eyes. They're the most inviting waters, though I would hate to feel like a sinking ship.

"I suppose I could, Cole."

He pulls his last test out of his folder, sliding it in my direction for me to look it over.

"Do you tutor a lot?"

I hate the way that his voice fills me, making my whole body flush just from his proximity.

"Um, not as much anymore. I'm kind of busy recently."

My eyes scan over the pages of his test as I nervously tap my fingers against the fabric of my jeans. In all honesty, Cole has a pretty good grasp of the concepts, he just struggles with using them.

Cole's silent for a moment before speaking again.

"Hm. Busy with what?"

I ignore his question, finally pulling my eyes up to look at him.

"I think this is fixable. You're not bad at calculus, Cole. We just need to work on applying the stuff you already know."

I don't want Cole to know things about me because I don't want him to become real. The more distance I keep, the more comfortable I am. There nothing I would hate more than for him to realize that I'm just as obsessed with him as every other girl. It's pathetic, really, the way that he just pulls me in without even knowing.

But I don't want a gold rush. I want something real, tangible. Cole Walter is nothing more than the kind of hope that humans hold on to. It's too good to be true, and I would much rather be looking at it from a distance than get to close and realize that it's all been a lie that I've been telling myself.

Cole seems a little caught off guard with my deflection, his eyes flicking between mine as if deciding whether to call me out for it. He doesn't, going along with me instead.

"Sure. Teach me the art of integrals, Gracie."

I work with Cole on correcting his test for the next hour, determined to focus on something that makes sense to me. Calculus. When the hour hand of the clock reaches three, I write down a list of practice problems for Cole to work on at home.

"Alright, these are for you to work on, and we'll go over them at our next session, okay?"

I start to put my textbook into my bag, standing to leave.

"Okay," Cole draws out, still sitting at the table.

He looks like heaven sitting there, the evening light hitting his skin in an angelic way. It seems as if even the sun herself can't resist Cole Walter.

"Okay." I breath out, giving him a curt nod before leaving the room.

I feel as if I can finally breath again as I step into the parking lot, allowing the fresh air to fill my lungs and clear my head. Heading toward my green Jeep, I halt when I hear someone call my name. I turn around, hand pausing on the handle of the driver's door.

Cole is walking in my direction and I think for a moment that I forgot something at the table. When he reaches me, he leans his arm against the hood of my car, taking a moment to admire my biggest pride.

"Nice car." He gives me a smile that allows dimples to form at his cheeks, and there's something so human about it that it makes me dizzy.

"Thanks."

He doesn't say anything for a moment, and I turn my head to scan around the parking lot, confused.

"Did you need something?"

I probably sound like a bitch, but I have work at 3:30 and I don't want Mary to be upset with me.

"Oh, uh yeah. I can't do seventh period for our next tutoring session. Taking my sister to her football practice."

"Oh. Well I have volleyball in the morning and work after school- I can't really do any other time."

"You could come to my house after work?"

The question catches me so off guard that I swear I almost start to violently cough.

"I couldn't- I get off pretty late and I don't want to make you wait for me. We could just wait until next week."

Cole seems amused at my rambling, tilting his head while my eyes fight to look anywhere else but him.

"Nah, it's cool if you're okay with it. I really want to do good in calc. Here, give me your phone."

He holds his hand out and I don't even hesitate before putting the cream phone case into his palm. Cole adds his number to my phone, texting himself to set it up.

"Okay, just text me when you get off and I'll send you my address. See you tomorrow, tutor girl."

I feel like my body is frozen in place as he backs away, waving at me before getting into his truck.

Cole Walter just put his number in my phone. My. Phone. What the fuck.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

I think that my favorite thing about the sun is that it holds our entire solar system together. Its gravity is so magnetic that it keeps all of the planets orbiting around it in a constant rhythm.

It provides all possibility of life for us, while not harboring any of its own.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

The next day, I feel like my shift at the bookstore lasts a million years. Time moves slowly, inching by as I dread going to Cole's house. Like I said, I don't like that he's becoming real. And even worse, I hate that I almost like him more now that I've been around him. This is absolutely dreadful.

I hold my chin in my hand as I watch the minutes tick by, my body shielded by the register. Today's been pretty slow, though I did see a new paperback release from Emily Henry that has me wanting to buy it immediately. When it reaches 7:30, Mary wanders to the front, letting me off. My stomach drops with butterflies when the reality of seeing Cole Walter's life outside of school settles in. It feels wrong, in a way.

Reluctantly, I type out a message to Cole, praying that he remembered the fact that we were supposed to meet after I got off work.

Gracie: hey, it's gracie! i just got off work if we're still good for tutoring

Cole wastes no time sending me his address, about ten minutes away.

Cole: See ya soon, tutor girl ;)

I ignore the way that heat flushes my cheeks from his text and drive to his house, admiring the way that the sunset paints the sky with the final light of the day.

When I pull up to the ranch house, the pale yellow home seems to tell a story. The final streaks of light disappear beyond the tops of the aspen trees, and the moon peeks over the horizon. I text Cole to let him know that I'm here before grabbing my backpack and closing the door of my Jeep.

Cole meets me at the front door, swinging it open as I walk up the porch steps, the dark wood creaking beneath me. He flashes me a smile and I notice his eyes scan me up and down before settling on my face. I'm wearing a pair of baggy low rise jeans with a simple black tank top, a white pair of sneakers on my feet. My hair is in waves, the dark hair cascading to the middle of my back.

My lips lift softly in his direction, as he leans against the doorframe. He adorns a worn broncos shirt and a pair of grey sweats, looking so effortlessly beautiful. My hands clutch onto the straps of my bag as I stand in front of him, needing something to release the pent up nerves.

"Hey." I rock uncomfortably on my heels.

"Hey," he nods his head toward the house, "here, come on in."

I follow him inside, kicking off my shoes at the entrance before glancing around in the house. Warm wood encases the surfaces, the walls covered in photos and artwork. My home is nothing like this, almost sterile in comparison.

I hate how much more real it makes him feel.

Cole heads up the stair case and I follow, my eyes scanning each image, trying to understand how a family could have this many photos. He waits at the top, watching as I pause on a couple of the pictures, admiring the large smiles that grace the Walter boys as they grow.

"There's so many." I breath out at the top of the staircase, Cole twisting the handle of his door.

"Yeah, we get that a lot." Cole laughs.

"No I mean, there's so many pictures. I think my mom maybe has five pictures of me as a baby."

Cole gives me an odd look, and I realize that I just told him something real about me. It's something that I didn't realize was that weird until I started visiting my friend's houses growing up. That the parents saw their kids as their biggest accomplishments, rather than a burden to take care of until I move out. Though, I've never known anything different, so I don't think it really bothers me.

"Anyway," I work to change the subject, resting my backpack against the corner of his bed frame, "did you finish those problems?"

He doesn't say anything for a second, before internally shaking himself out of it and clearing his throat.

"Yeah, all except one. I didn't know where to start."

I nod, placing my textbook on the floor next to his bed and sliding myself to a sitting position, knees pulled to my chest.

"How was work?" Cole asks, handing me his problem sheet before laying on top of the bed, head close to mine.

"Slow. But we got in a new book I really want to read so that's fun."

Cole's head is next to mine as we both scan his paper, and I give him corrections as well as a starting point for the problem he was confused on. His proximity has my chest tightening, my whole body feeling like it's in fight or flight mode. I can feel his breath warm against me, his heat radiating like a phone you've been using too long.

I play with my fingernails as Cole works on the problem. It's so weird being in his room, seeing the posters he hung up as memories of his childhood. His fascinations and all the little things that make Cole Walter, Cole Walter.

"Done." I startle at his voice and the feeling of his arm as it brushes against my shoulder to hand me the paper.

My eyes catch on a bookshelf, filled with worn paperbacks.

"You like to read?"

I turn my head to catch Cole's eyes, and he's a lot closer than I expected, our faces merely inches apart.

"Yeah. Mostly just the shit that my dad buys for me at garage sales, though. Bet that's pretty funny since I'm kind of shit at school, huh, tutor girl."

I roll my eyes playfully, a smile involuntarily taking over my face.

"Okay, first of all, you're not shit as school, Cole. And second of all, stop calling me that."

"Or what?" His voice drops, shivers covering my spine.

I gulp, my mind racing to convince myself that this isn't real. It's another daydream that will disappear as soon as I wake myself up. Cole's too close, and he's looking at me in a way that I can't understand.

Gold rush, I remind myself. He's not real.

"How have we never talked before, Gracie?" His eyes don't leave mine.

The Sun, being a dynamic star, is constantly changing. At least, that's what NASA says. And I believe them for the most part. For so long, Cole has been this comfortable force in my life, something just out of reach, but always there. As much as I never want that to change, I can't help but think that this is worth the risk. Because just as the Sun, we are also constantly changing.

Cole is propped up by his elbow, his chest in my direction. His scent, as always, is intoxicating and now I'm certain that it's just him.

"I don't know. I guess I've always been too nervous." I confess.

"That's such bullshit. You're like a billion times more interesting than me."

"Cole. You have no idea the effect you have on people." I breath out, blinking slowly as he scans over my face.

Cole's head dips slightly, and he's suddenly close enough that if I were to lean slightly, we would be kissing. His hand reaches to my cheek, my breath catching at the soft touch.

"Gracie." He whispers.

All I can do is nod, answering the question he seemed to be asking.

He brushes his lips against mine, softly, before leaning in fully. And it doesn't feel quite real, that Cole Walter is kissing me. Eighteen years of life, eight of them spent consumed by him when I was so sure he didn't even know I existed. I'd dated, but Cole was always there, a place in my mind just for him.

My eyes flutter shut as I lean into his touch, our lips molded together in a dance. He increases the pressure, tilting my head back with his thumb against my jaw. Cole's tongue teases my lips, and they part to allow him access as he moans softly against my mouth.

I'd never felt like this before, not even with my ex-boyfriend who I had dated for two years. This felt electric, something so overwhelming that my whole body was on fire.

I pull away slightly, needing to remember that it's not real. When Cole goes to kiss me again, I tilt my head toward the floor.

"I- um. I should get going. I'll send you the practice test for the exam next week, okay?"

I stand up and swing my backpack over my shoulder, stepping toward his door and swinging it open.

Part of me feels bad, but I don't want to be another girl on Cole's roster. It's just another crack breaking through the delusion that I've been convincing myself of for years.

Cole's eyes are soft on mine when I raise my head to look at him again.

"Are you serious right now?"

"Yeah, I'll see you around, Cole."

I walk out, trying to keep my head held up until I climb inside my car. My forehead rests against the steering wheel as inevitable tears escape me.

It's best to let him go. I would hate to fall for him, only to be crushed when I reach reality. Because falling is magical until that final bone crush, when everything hits at once.

[painted-bees]

Since I've been rotating Raf's mental illness in my mind this month as a way of smoothing my own brain, I've been thinking a lot about the ways his PPD and CPTSD symptoms interact, and how it affects his behaviors.

Firstly, Raf's paranoia isn't commonly accompanied by narcissistic traits. That is to say--he's not especially prone to believing that people have him on their mind all the time. If he walks past two people laughing, it's not his gut instinct to think that they are laughing at him. However, it is certainly his gut instinct to assume that they are laughing at someone.

But, unless they deliberately pause to regard him in an off putting way, his brain isn't gonna jump to the conclusion that he's the topic of their little chortle.

In fact, Raf rarely feels like he is being deliberately belittled by honest remarks when they are simply worded poorly. In some ways, he greatly prefers being called a jackass, to his face, in flat tones--than to receiving sweet, placating platitudes in a kindly tone. No matter how genuine the kindness may be behind the latter, Raf generally tends to interpret it...poorly. It gives him a really bad gut feeling, like they're buttering him up, mincing their words in a shallow attempt to gain his good opinion...all so that he won't suspect them later. Suspect them of what? Who knows. Something bad, something exploitative, something abusive. To him.

Raf doesn't suspect that everyone is out to use or exploit him. He fully believes that most people are capable of not thinking about him at all--even if he is physically present around them, such as in a busy train station. However, he does suspect that everyone who goes out of their way to interact with him, and especially everyone who wants to get to know him only do so in order to use or exploit him. And his basal understanding of human behavior is, generally, that kindness and good manner are most frequently used as tools of manipulation for personal gain rather than as an expression of genuine love and care. And he recognizes that this is only possible as a successful tool of manipulation because, just like him, everyone else wants to be genuinely loved and cared for.

Even his uncle, whom Raf does genuinely loves and trust, is suspected of being as kind and accommodating as he is to Raf only because doing so soothes his uncle's guilt and gives him a moral leg up over the rest of Raf's family. And part of Raf's initial willingness to trust his uncle is that his uncle never really...denies that this is, at the very least, a part of it. And--if that's all Uncle Bill really wanted outta Raf, then that was a perfectly livable arrangement.

Raf's CPTSD, on the other hand, generates the shame that serves as the crux for a lot of his self-critical introspection. Even before his diagnosis, he was harboring a sense that something was really, deeply wrong with him--like he wasn't a real person. And so, it felt radically audacious to assert that he deserved to behave as a real person; which included the right to feel and act upon anger and sadness--and to have those emotions received and treated with any level of respect by those around him. Until his final year at Juilliard, he was kind of in a placid(listless) state of learned helplessness. He'd do what ever he had to do to meet the expectations of his peers and instructors (namely, amphetamines. So much amphetamines.) It was just baaarely enough to get him his degree, and it ran him ragged and beyond resentful. He fully left Juilliard with the mindset of "I'm entering my villain era, I'm fully committed to being a Bad Guy, I am ok with everyone hating me now". And the "bad guy" behavior was just...saying no to stuff he didn't want to do, self-isolating, and outwardly expressing/lashing out when something viscerally upset him.

Which...thanks to the personality disorder, meant he became prone to yelling at people and accusing them of hurting or betraying him when they, in fact, did not. Especially...almost specifically the people closest to him, who cared the most about him and whom he cared the most for. And that's quickly what lead to his diagnosis, which kinda put an end to his 'villain arch'. So now he's back to reckoning with that sense of "something is really, deeply wrong with me", but at least now he has a growing understanding of what that is. And also the notion of "I have the 'bad person' disease--I am a Bad Person if I act on my core suspicions and beliefs, I cannot fucking trust myself, I can't trust my own perception of people or events." And now he's gotta balance that with whole "I deserve to feel safe, comfortable, and respected" alongside the critical notion of "but so does everyone else".

He hates it when people try to get to know him, he is fundamentally mistrustful of people. But at the same time, he has a lot of difficulty balancing his boundaries against the infringement of other people's boundaries--and the root understanding of "Something is wrong with me, I'm the problem, the fact that I think other people are the problem--is part of the problem that is me." is what motivates him to delay acting upon his negative impulses as much as is is able to, and to exercise kindness even when it feels like he's walking directly into a fire.

So, his overall kinda...thing is "I don't trust any of these guys, they clearly want something from me, and if I let them get close enough, they won't care if they have to hurt me to get it[PPD] but I'm a fundamentally busted person with a fucked up perspective and thus it is actually safer if I prioritize their comfort over my own[CPTSD] within certain parameters[therapy]"

and, idk...the big flashing red "ISOLATE, ISOLATE, ISOLATE" sign shows up in there on a frequent enough occasion that he just...has no real friends, despite a billion "good" acquaintances.

Despite all his mistrust and suspicions, the feelings of being fundamentally unlovable for willfully/protectively limiting the range of his 'usefulness', his terminally pessimistic outlook on the nature of human beings--he craves so tremendously to be loved and cared for and held and reassured in such a way and to such an extent that could never be fully sated, I am sure. But he couldn't stand to receive it from someone he can't believe in.

Margie accidentally hack speedran his CPTSD coping mechanisms so hard that she clipped through his paranoia until the collision error launched her into Trusted Person status. And he's just mostly confused and a bit anxious over how it all happened so fast.

[that's a joke...kinda]

[shu-box-puns]

I never would have given you to them; not for anything

(Tsu’tey x Reader)

Part 1 -> Next Chapter 

If you prefer to read on Ao3, you can find the fic here!

Summary: The RDA unknowingly revives a traitor through Project Phoenix. 

Word Count: 11,251

Reader uses they/them pronouns.

NOTE: The term 'Zaza' is a gender neutral way to address a parental figure.

Connecting to the Tree of Souls was always bittersweet for Tsu'tey.

Eywa was a kind mother. For a few short moments, he could be reunited with everyone he had previously lost. He could ask Eytukan for guidance on being Olo’eyktan, or speak with Sylwanin when his grief threatened to overwhelm him.

And other times, Eywa would gift him a glimpse into a vision that could’ve been his reality, if events had played out differently. 

The phantom of HomeTree was booming with life. Those who lived there were distant and concealed from view by the colossal roots of the great tree or simply occupying the foliage beyond its shade. Tsu’tey found himself sitting upon a log, his knife in hand which he was using to shape an arrow head.

A fire roared at his feet, meat cooking over the flames whilst the joyous yells of children darted to and fro behind his turned back. He couldn’t help but smile softly to himself, reminded of the early years in Spider’s development when the boy had finally grown large enough to comfortably fit into an exo pack. Tsu’tey had been delighted, eager to take his son from the confines of the demon compound and let him loose on the clan.

Spider took to the outside like an ikran to the sky. Staring in wonder as Tsu’tey carried him into the heart of the village. Na’vi of all stations had cooed at him, offering Tsu’tey honest congratulations even if their eyes had held poorly concealed hesitance at the toddler giggling against his chest. 

Within the hour, Spider had become fast friends with Jake’s children - Eywa help him - and was gleefully dirtying his loincloth as they tumbled and played. 

“He has grown significantly.” A voice to his left suddenly commented, ripping Tsu’tey from his private musings. He made to turn to whoever was sat with him, but some untold force kept his gaze glued to the arrowhead he was carving. 

“Children tend to.” Tsu’tey responded easily, the English falling thick and accented off of his tongue. 

His secret companion merely hummed, leaning into his side. Tsu’tey caught sight of blue skin in his peripheral. Five fingered hands falling to demon style clothed knees. His expression tightened. Confusion swirling beneath his skin.

“A mighty warrior in the making.” The stranger praised, undercurrents of pride lacing their tone. “I am glad his aim has greatly improved.”

Tsu’tey lifted his gaze from the arrowhead as the words registered. His questioning response was halted by the sudden absence of the clan chatter and the crackling of the flames at his feet. His eyes flickered, expressing softening as he realised the scenery had changed.

Now, he and his companion sat on a tree branch overlooking the Omaticaya flight range. Targets lined the far perimeter, whilst na’vi of all ages stood in uniformed rows at increasing distances from the targets, their bows drawn. Tsu’tey’s gaze immediately zeroed in on Spider.

Here he was about twelve, Neteyam alongside him as the two practised in companionable silence. Despite being a full year younger, Neteyam easily towered over the older boy, his frame lean and long, whilst Spider had grown strong and thick in the shoulders. His son held his bow with ease, the strain long having lessened with hours of practice.

The presence at his side had shrunk somehow. The warmth no longer reached his shoulder. A soft brush of skin to his lower bicep indicating that the na’vi who had sat with him had shrunk to a more human stature.

Tsu’tey could not place who this was. They did not sound like Grace Augustine who possessed both avatar and human forms on the off chance she visited him in the tree. Nor had he befriended any of the scientists who possessed avatar bodies.

A celebratory whoop drew his attention back to Spider, who was receiving awed high fives from Neteyam. Glancing to the target, Tsu’tey swelled with pride at the three perfect bullseyes. 

He blinked, and he was in the old shack. Although in his present the stolen compound was overrun with wildlife and had fallen into disrepair, here, it looked well preserved. As fresh and disorganised as it had been the night the humans left for good. 

It looked homely. 

Lived in. 

He was sitting on a bunk much too small for his large frame with a baby carrier strapped across his chest. His son was nowhere to be seen in this particular vision, but as always, he felt no sense of panic within Eywa’s care. He simply observed the small room around him, noting that the presence at his side had disappeared with the flight range.

The messy sheets he sat on told of a good night’s rest. The military boots neatly lined up by the door and the camouflage jacket hanging on the back of it, reassuring him that whoever he was visiting was close by. 

Tucked under the window, the desk was a mess of coffee stained reports and various pens. Even from the other side of the room, he could make out the shakily written na’vi phrases repeated over several pages. He’d never seen his language written out before, since his people had no use for it, but somehow he instinctively knew the phrases.

Oel ngati kameie.

I see you.

Three words his mate had been practising behind his back. A secret he was very much aware of, but content to allow them to figure out. 

The sound of the door opening drew his attention from the desk, and he found said mate looming in the doorway, their son cradled to their chest. They looked exhausted but proud of themselves. Spider was sound asleep, nestled into their tanktop, with one chubby fist clenched tightly around the courting necklace Tsu’tey had presented them with several moons ago. 

“I finally got him to drop off.” His mate sighed happily as they stepped further into the room and quietly pulled the door closed behind them.

Tsu’tey could only hum. Greedily drinking in the sight of his mate and son. Gazing at the face that had been snatched from his too early, and the youth and innocence of Spider. He was sixteen now, years past infancy, but still Tsu’tey’s little boy. Whilst his mate was frozen in time. Forever held by Eywa.

“You good big guy?” The use of that ridiculous nickname snapped him back to the present. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

His lips stretched into a tight smile. The irony. 

“I am fine.” He insisted. His english heavily accented and rusty from disuse. Since Spider had become fully fluent in na’vi, he hardly ever had to use the demon tongue. But somehow, Eywa always switched them back to that language, despite having learnt plenty of na’vi through him.

Their proud grin dropped a fraction, their eyebrows drawing together. “Are you lying to me?”

He scoffed. “Olo’eyktan’s do not lie.” He said simply.

“You aren’t Olo’eyktan here.” They argued. Approaching him on quiet feet. 

Feeling called out, Tsu’tey had to work hard to keep his ears from flicking back in guilt. Instead, he chose not to respond as his mate stepped into his space. Their scent wafted over him as they expertly manoeuvred the slumbering infant into the net tied across Tsu’tey’s chest. The motion was practised; familiar in a way his mate hadn’t had time to master.

Spider went easily. Instinctively curling into his father’s warmth and finding something new to latch onto. This time, Tsu’tey was not fast enough to keep his son from grabbing onto one of his braids. Even in sleep, Spider yanked hard on the braided lock of hair, making Tsu’tey wince. His mate chuckled softly, reaching up to carefully untangle Spider’s fist, to which the infant immediately curled his fingers around their index instead. 

The scene was domestic. Something he had mourned when his mate had passed.

“You look tired.” His mate stated, those eyes studying his expression. 

Tsu’tey could only nod. What use was lying to a memory anyway?

“I am.”

“You should rest.” 

They titled their head, and Tsu’tey knew this was a battle he had no hope of winning. “Spider is waiting for you.” They said.

Carefully, they raised their free hand to hold his cheek, their expression worried. He leaned into the touch, savouring the warmth of their tiny hand against his cool skin.

His words were slow to come back to him. But they waited patiently, idly tracing the stars of his freckles as he gathered himself, his breathing uneven. “No. I want to stay here, with you.” 

There was a power behind their words now. A greater knowledge they should not be privy to. Tsu’tey knew this wasn’t his mate speaking to him anymore. Despite looking and sounding like his human, this was Eywa gently nudging him. Reminding him that he had responsibilities to attend to and a son waiting beyond her realm.

He followed his mate’s nod towards the window where he found a sixteen year old Spider standing patiently at the treeline, looking longingly towards the compound. He knew without looking down that the infant was gone from the sling at his chest. His son wore his exopack and was wringing his hands, head darting too and fro in search of someone. Rocking on the balls of his feet as often did when unsettled.

Tearing his gaze from his son, Tsu’tey found and held eye contact with the Great Mother disguised as his lost mate. “Will you allow him to visit today?” He asked.

“He will See soon.” Eywa replied in their voice, untold power building behind every word. 

His mate’s hands were small but strong as they took him by the wrists and helped him rise from his seat on the bed. “He is waiting.” They informed him, gently guiding him away from the desk littered in papers and towards the closed door. Tsu’tey’s heart ached at the familiar gesture. This part was always the hardest.

“He misses them.” He told Eywa and she could only nod in acknowledgement. “He watches their video logs.” He insisted, stomach sinking at the thought of his mate not knowing how badly Spider loved and missed them. That they might believe they had faded from the child’s memory, when in truth they’d always played such a crucial role. “He asks about them, always. Demanding memories, facts. Anything.”

“He will See soon.” Eywa repeated, and Tsu’tey knew she understood. 

They squeezed his hand and he realised he was standing before the door with the boots neatly lined up beside it. He glanced at them one last time, absorbing all their little details and committing them to memory. His mate smiled at him one last time, before they dropped his hands and stepped back. 

“I know.”

“You will See soon.” Eywa assured him, but Tsu’tey was no Tsahik and did not understand how to interpret the phrase. So he simply nodded.

>_&lt;

They said no more as he raised his hand to push the door open, and in kind, Tsu’tey could only nod as his words got lost in his throat. Instead of responding, he turned and stepped out of the bedroom into the hall. 

The sounds of the forest came back to him slowly. He felt the change of the humidity as Eywa gently returned him to his body. He sat crossed legged under the glowing vines of the Tree of Souls, his heartbeat still pounding in time to the gentle pulses of the ancient tree. Animals moved in the bushes behind him, uncaring of his presence and content to go about their evening. 

He felt the familiar dry, flaky sensation of mourning paint running from the top of his brow down the line of his nose to his chin. His bullet scars felt stiff against his skin with every deep breath. Whilst a body leant into his side. Small and warm in a way that na’vi were not. 

Slowly, Tsu’tey peeled his eyelids open and glanced down to find Spider curled into him. His exopack was digging uncomfortably into Tsu’tey’s ribs, but he didn’t care. Now sixteen, his boy leaned into his side and had dragged Tsu’tey’s arm out of his lap to rest across his back. Keeping him safe and secure whilst his father communed with the ancestors. 

His tail swayed happily at the adorable sight. 

Sensing a shift in him, Spider groggily raised his head from Tsu’tey’s rib cage. His eyes were unfocused as he lifted his heavy head, only to find Tsu’tey already looking at him. He blinked slowly, drawing in a deep breath as he stretched and sat up. 

<”Who was it today?”> Spider asked in fluent na’vi, his tone heavy with sleep. 

Tsu’tey felt the corner of his mouth stretch upwards into an adoring smile. His boy was so precious. <”Zaza.”> He replied simply, to which Spider returned his smile. 

<”It is late.”> Spider agreed, to which Tsu’tey playfully ruffled his braids, ears pricked at the boy’s mischievous grin. Carefully, Tsu’tey reached up and disconnected his kuru from the tree, sending a prayer of thanks to Eywa for her gift.

<”And where did you end up going?”>

<”The old shack.”> Tsu’tey replied simply, reaching up to disconnect his tswin from the Tree of Souls. <”They were trying to convince you to go to bed.”>

<”We should return to the village.”> 

<”Only if you carry me.”> Spider stated, lifting his arms expectantly to Tsu’tey who rolled his eyes.

<”You have been hanging around Lo’ak too much. So whiny.”>

<”You are old enough to carry yourself.”>

<”But it’s late!”> Spider retaliated. 

<”Don’t let him hear you say that or he’ll become ten times worse.”> Considering the boy was Jake’s son, Tsu’tey didn’t doubt it. 

>_<

The last thing you remembered was lying down in a link unit. 

The smell of silicone had been poisonously strong in the tight space as one of the scientists closed the lid on you with a firm click. Your heart had been pounding, your plan to escape and meet up with Jake plaguing your mind. Distracting you from the half assed explanation of why Selfridge had ordered all military personnel into the link rooms.

You weren’t sure if you made it out of Hell’s Gate that night, let alone if Trudy had managed to drive you to the secret compound. If you’d been caught, or if your squad had noticed your absence. 

Not that any of it mattered now, considering you were in outer space and the Battle for The Tree of Souls had ended fifteen years prior. 

Now, you stared blankly at the pre-recorded video of yourself in that same laboratory. In the video, you were decked out in your usual, military attire and were horribly explaining what was going on. Floating in zero gravity, your hand - now blue and much, MUCH bigger than you were used to - kept you in place before the monitor with an unnervingly tight grip.

The you of the past wasn’t focused on their task. You could tell from the shift of their eyes as marines moved around them behind the camera. In a similar situation, your nerves were also all over the place. Your eyes were constantly darting around the small bunk room as your tail thrashed. So many enemies in such a small place.

It had been a fucking shock to wake up disoriented on a small hospital bed with a heart monitor beeping away in the background. Only for a massive, blue forehead to dart into your line of sight, dragging with it, a pair of large, unblinking eyes. You screamed, flailing weakly at the enormous bald head of Lyle Wainfleet.

You recalled blinding rage in your most recent memory of this man.

He had grinned at you, yelling loudly, “morning Private!” 

You had punched him, that past anger carrying over as you shoved him away with an additional well placed kick to the stomach and a ferocious hiss. Movement in the corner of your vision kept you from following him down, intending to choke the life out of his stupid, grinning face.

Alexander had been quick to grip your bicep, holding on tightly. He was smiling at you. And it was fucking disorientating to see his face on a na’vi body, his eyes too far apart and his nose flatter than you were used to. It stunned you into stillness.

On the floor, Lyle had chuckled good naturedly and complimented you on your improved strength. 

You hadn’t responded, your eyes widening as you took in your reflection in the one way window. It was you, but it also wasn’t you staring back. 

On the monitor, the human version of you scratched the back of their neck, clearly reading off of a script to the side of the camera, blurting some bullshit about the RDA storing your memories and implanting them in an avatar embryo. Your expression remained neutral as you glanced down to past-you’s throat. 

Mostly hidden beneath the hem of their camouflage shirt, you caught sight of a pretty little choker, the polished beads catching the laboratory lights. It was simple in design, layered three times tall with long, brown beads as the centrepiece, framed either side by carefully selected circular red beads.

Subconsciously, your blue hand reached to your own throat, frowning at the naked skin only for your fingers to catch on the metal chain of your dog tag. It sent a stab of phantom pain through your chest, which you were quick to rub away.

You remembered who had given it to you. What he had been to you. But you didn’t know how it had ended. If the RDA had resurrected you for this stupid little project, then chances were, the human version of you was dead. 

You had no idea who had died during the Battle of The Tree of Souls - clearly a lot of you judging by the number of recoms the RDA had paid for. There was no solid knowledge on how far the RDA had won, or how much of Pandora they had destroyed. For all you knew, everyone could be dead. The Omaticaya clan wiped off the face of the planet. 

The windows of your little bunk room overlooked the vast embryo tanks of the recoms. As you half-listened to the video, you watched a trio of three scientists carefully extracting the body, of who you recognised to be the na’vi version of Mansk, from the closest tank. They took great care in cleaning the embryonic fluid from his airways before flying the body out of sight through an open door. 

/Remember Private,/ the video stated, drawing your attention back once more, /the mission is not over./ There was something unreadable in human you’s eyes, their rage momentarily broadcasted across the screen. /Fight hard. Make me proud./ 

They couldn’t see you, but you found yourself nodding anyway. 

Those words gave you a direction. Past you didn’t believe the fight was over, so you just had to pick up where you left off. And to do that, you needed to get back into the forest.

>_<

The RDA had made special uniforms for all the recoms and required you to be dressed and ready to move into the base upon landing. Their first mistake was willingly handling you a gun. Evidently, they had never recognised you as a traitor. You’d died with them still believing you were loyal. Now, you would exploit that weakness.

For now, you decided to play nice until they willingly unleashed you into the forest. You made jokes with Lyle, established yourself as one of the team. Laughing with the other recoms about escaping death, making wild accusations about what you’d do the next time you saw that traitor; Jake Sully. 

It was easy. As it always had been. 

As if nothing had changed. Like you were back in school and you’d all come back from the summer having had growth spurts and been up to god knows what.

As a squad, you fitted together effortlessly. Falling into a routine of sleeping in the dorms, getting up early for drills and training, only to spend the evenings goofing around. The recom bodies were years younger, practically brand new, so the energy required for such shenanigans was effortless. 

Within a week, it felt like nothing had changed. The squad was blissfully unaware of what you had done in your past life behind their backs. To them, you were still their comrade. 

Initially, you’d attempted to keep your distance.

The forest called to you. It’s pull even stronger now with the additional na’vi instincts, and the small hallways of Bridgehead that were clearly not built with you in mind. You felt out of place in its tiny, box-like layout. 

Your comrades weren’t too sneaky in trying to ease your nerves and welcome you into their chaotic escapades. 

Lyle had always been an overbearing extrovert, chomping at the bit to challenge you into pushing yourself harder and harder during drills. 

Mansk, in his own quiet way, insisted on dragging you to the kitchen every mealtime to assist him with cooking. He stated that he had no idea what to do with the new Pandoran ingredients required for their recom bodies, but you could tell he was bullshitting you to keep you out of your head. It worked; mostly. 

Whilst Z-Dog had taken it upon herself to make sure your shooting skills were up to scratch - they were. And had sparked many competitions out in the shooting range.

Even the colonel seemed to have caught on. And that man was in no form of the imagination a family man. He was a leader. Your boss. The man you had to impress or risk getting killed. But recently, he’s been acting like some weird version of a father figure. Offering silent nods and backhanded compliments in his usual condescending tone whilst observing your training with your comrades. It would always be paired with a playful smack to the shoulder or a rough ruffle of your hair whilst the squad sniggered.

It was easy to remember why you’d stuck with them for so long. Because despite their missions and the people they killed, they had been your family on Pandora since you’d woken up from cryo sleep. A reluctant one. A ragtag bunch of trigger happy idiots, but they’d always watched out for you.

You also knew that they would kill you if they ever found out about your little personal mission. They made you feel safe within Bridgehead, but you knew they would turn on you instantly. 

Lyle wouldn’t hesitate to cuff you and drag you to the colonel. Whilst Quaritch would go real quiet, ordering you to hand over your gun which he would use to shoot you on the spot. Z-Dog would make it look like an accident, whilst Mansk would hide behind his sunglasses and deal with business himself, stealing your dog tags to take back to the colonel.

It was imperative you remained vigilant. If anyone remembered or found out, you were fucked. So you had to get out. Fast. At the first opportunity. You could figure it out from there.

>_<

The moment the samson chopper landed in the undergrowth of the rainforest, you leapt out. Lyle was hot on your tail, peeling away from your side to secure the perimeter as the helicopter finished landing. 

You didn’t bother pretending to be scoping the landscape. 

The hum of the forest had grown steadily stronger throughout the trip, and now it slid through you like a melody. Calling to you more strongly than you’d ever felt. You took in greedy lungfuls of the damp, humid forest air. The scents of dew and vegetation invaded your nose, a world away from the canned air the recoms were forced to breathe in Bridgehead. Your ears swivelled towards every little sound, tail swaying to show content despite the mission ahead. Pandora was as gorgeous as she had ever been. The dappled sunlight peeking through the trees as the exotic fragrance of the plants filled the air. 

As a human, it had never been this pretty. Behind an exo pack, you had never been able to smell the world, whilst the sights had been smudged by the acrylic screen. 

This was freeing on an entirely new level.

Someone smacked you upside the head, abruptly shattering the nostalgia of finally returning to the forest. You choked, spinning in place and immediately stood to attention under the Colonel’s unimpressed glare. “What are you playing at Private?” He barked.

You could see the rest of the squad pretending not to look your way. Z-Dog and Walker had promptly turned their backs, clinging to each other as if it was the funniest thing in existence. 

“Apologies sir, I got excited.” You replied sheepishly. "Needed to stretch my legs."

“Focus!” Quaritch stressed with an eye roll. 

“Yes, sir.”

He nodded once before motioning to the others and leading the way into the undergrowth. 

You fell into line, gun aimed on your surroundings as the squad moved further and further away from base. 

Within the hour, the squad stumbled upon a broken AMP suit collapsed in front of an abandoned compound. The building looked like one of the remote link compounds the scientists used to use during avatar exertions. What it was doing so far away from its assigned location, you had no idea.

Quaritch immediately issued orders for the site to be secured. Whilst Z-Dog investigated the building, the rest of the squad fanned out into the clearing. Half went to search the undergrowth, whilst you remained nearby, eyes more focused on the compound than the forest.

The colonel and Wainfleet remained close to the AMP suit, quietly analysing the corpse impaled within the ribcage of the dismantled robot. 

You swept close on your return pass, ears pricked as Quaritch glared daggers at the skull. Peering over his shoulder, your eyes widened at the pair of na'vi arrows jutting out of moss covered bone and the scar of a viperwolf scratch carved into the skull.

Quaritch's corpse.

And whoever had got him had been merciless in finishing him off.

The sight made you uneasy. Reminding you of the threats Pandora possessed. You were glad when a shout from the forest and the call for backup drew you from the suit.

No one knew how long the kids had been there. Whether they’d gotten curious and followed from the moment the samson touched down, or if they had been lingering around the shack. Either way, the petrified scream of the youngest girl had drawn the rest of your squad to the scene. 

There were three na’vi kids in total, and one human child. All held hostage by a recom, whilst Quaritch interrogated each of them. You watched the scene from the sidelines, assuming Quaritch would decide they weren’t worth it and let them go. 

But when the na’vi boy swore at him and Quaritch grinned with a simple, ”you’re his.”

Jake’s, you realised. 

Your heart began to pound as you rounded the rear of the group, eyes narrowed as you took in the side profile of the boy. His too small eyes, the slope of his jaw, the fifth finger on each hand. At a glance, a full blooded na’vi. But you’d been around avatars long enough to pick out the little imperfections. The broader set to his shoulders, the lower position of his kuru that indicated human blood somewhere in the line. 

Quaritch was precise in his motions. Taking the kid’s kuru in hand to begin interrogating him. The colonel was rough with him. Spitting sharp commands before yanking his knife from his thigh strap. The boy’s eyes widened a fraction. You saw the raw fear swimming within them as he stared blankly up at the snarling colonel. Refusing to back down. Refusing to waver. 

Quaritch’s expression tightened as he raised the knife a fraction. Logically, you knew the first strike would be a fake, to scare the boy into spilling information with minimal effort. You were lurching forward half a step, ears fanning wide in alarm before you could stop yourself. 

The motion of that knife froze mid air, a testament to the Colonel’s reflexes as his burning eyes flickered to you. You made an effort to smooth out your microexpressions, hands limp at your side instead of reaching for a weapon like you so desperately wanted to. Something in the kid’s face had made something tight and protective flare up between your ribs, and the Colonel had noticed. 

Quaritch’s gaze was stern as shook his head in disappointment. “Don’t go getting soft on me, Private.” He reminded, grasp shifting on the kid’s kuru. “I know you had a soft spot for them back in the day, but none of that bullshit now.”

“Sorry sir.” You grit out, but didn’t retreat. He glared at you, you maintained steady eye contact until Wainfleet pulled Quaritch’s attention to the older na’vi girl. He had her fingers splayed for the colonel to see, chuckling at her five fingers. 

Their conversation quickly dissolved into the back of your mind as Quaritch handed the na’vi boy off, putting blessed distance between the kid and his knife. 

Tracking the Colonel’s movements as he approached the older girl, you found your attention drawn by the human boy. You blinked at his intense gaze, at the storm of unexplainable emotions swimming behind his eyes that you felt dizzy just looking at him. Despite his face being locked away behind an exopack, his gaze was no less piercing. He seemed to see you. 

The squint of his eyebrows seemed to suggest he saw you. Not a soldier. Not a recom. Just you. As if he could see beneath the scientifically created body to the memory chip beneath, to what remained of your soul.

But that was probably just you projecting.

To distract yourself from the tightening of your chest, you also studied him as your comrades kept interrogating the children. Their voices grew distant as you inspected the blue stripes painted across tanned skin. The traditional Omaticayan weaving style of his armband as well as the songcord attached to the hem of his loincloth. 

Your eyes caught on the necklace at his throat. A style that matched the one your human body wore in the video. Down to the brown and red beads. The familiar weaving style. Even at this distance, you recognised Tsu’tey’s handiwork. 

And whilst it reassured and relieved you that he was still alive, that somehow, in some way, this child had a piece of him, you were confused. How had he gotten his hands on one of Tsu’tey’s pieces?

Then he steeled himself. Quaritch’s bulk warmed your back, his shadow falling over your left arm. In a shockingly gentle tone, Quaritch asked for the boy’s name, and surprisingly, he gave it.

”Spider Socorro.” He blurted in strained english. 

Your ear flickered back at the colonel’s sharp inhale. “Miles?” 

Spider straightened, chin lifted in defiance. “Nobody calls me that.”

Quaritch’s expression was unreadable. He didn’t bother to respond and stepped away to talk into his neck piece. He didn’t go far and simply turned his back, speaking to Ardmore as the squad shifted uneasily. 

The kids hissed as the recoms began moving them towards the compound where the shuttle would more easily be able to let down the ropes. Your stomach tightened at the thought of dragging them back with you. To know how they felt and be unable to offer sympathy.

Quaritch motioned to the children. ”Keep hold of ‘em. Shuttle will be here in ten.”

Your stomach dropped. Not the shuttle. Not yet. You couldn’t stomach the idea of going back to Bridgehead after this. After such a short taste of freedom. 

”Colonel.” You said loudly, making the man pause midstep. He levelled you with an unreadable look as you struggled to find your voice. “These kids are useless to us.”

As soon as the words left your lips, his expression visibly shut off and you knew you would not be able to get through to him. “I’m not gonna repeat myself, Private.” He snapped, pulling rank to put you in your place. You squared up to him. Chin lifted.

A distant bird call had your ears pricking. It was short. A burst of a sound. It had the kids straightening, all their ears fanning towards the sound. 

The bird called again. That one note echoing through the trees.

Shifting uneasily, your eyes followed the direction it had come from, momentarily breaking eye contact. Quaritch smirked as if he’d won a great battle. “Take the na’vi boy.” He ordered, motioning to the kid who was promptly handed over, and then raised his voice to the squad. “Into defensive positions!”

The group fell into formation as the sun began its nightly cycle behind the moon, bringing with it a rain storm. The boy’s neural whip between your fingers quickly grew saturated, making your weak grip slip with every sharp movement he would make. That bird call did not grow distant or stop. In fact, you could’ve sworn it was getting closer.

There was a moment of stillness. The forest holding its breath as the recoms kept whispering to each other, kept moving noisily through the undergrowth. Blind to the silent warning. 

You held your breath, going unnaturally still as the boy in front of you did the same.

There was a cut off shout. An explosion of movement near the main body of the group.

Keeping your position, your head snapped towards the sound. Mouth going dry at the na’vi arrow protruding from Fike’s skull. It had embedded itself into his eye socket, almost straight through.

Whatever was making that sound had clearly found the squad. And it wasn’t pleased.

As the group erupted into chaos, you saw your chance. Loosening your grip on the kid’s kuru, you slowly stepped back, praying the steady movements would not draw that hunter’s eye to your form. The kid spun to face you, wrists bound, looking wide eyed and terrified. 

You raised your hands in surrender, head dipping. <”Get out of here.”> You hissed, nodding to the trees. 

His ears fanned wide as a satellite. Momentarily frozen in time. Eyes studying your own for the trick.

A gun went off at his back, snapping him out of it. More arrows were fired and more recoms died. 

He turned his back to you, and with a burst of speed began shepherding his little sister towards the treeline. The girl went easily, grabbing at his bound wrists and dragging him away. 

You kept your attention on their backs, hand hanging close to your gun in case someone turned their attention on you. 

The recoms were dying in disorganised clusters. The smart ones like Wainfleet and Z-Dog had already taken cover behind trees as the onslaught of arrows threw everyone else out of formation, causing them to scramble for cover. It gave you a sick sense of satisfaction. 

A shout drew your attention. 

Walker had the older girl by her kuru after she’d tried to make a break for it with Spider. She struggled as she yanked her back, her gun useless in her focus on keeping hold of her. 

Your gaze narrowed. Your rifle was in your hands before you could think to check if anyone was looking. The trigger was smooth under your finger. And with a light squeeze the machine roared to life and shot a hole through the tree to her left. 

Walker shrieked, hand spasming in fear as she instinctively let go of the girl’s neural whip. Spider was quick to grab her arm and run away, whilst an arrow found its mark in the recom’s chest. She collapsed in a heap. Dead on impact.

You grimaced. 

The rain muffled your footsteps as you carefully retreated into the shadows of the trees. Thankfully, the squad was too preoccupied to notice your silent escape. 

You felt like a traitor for withdrawing into the forest quietly. Which was funny considering that’s what you were. Your ears were pricked and your body low. Eywa must have wanted you to succeed because no arrow pierced your back. 

The screaming from the small clearing had begun to die down now, but was quickly replaced by the sound of a machine gun going off. Definitely Mansk’s hand, he had always been quick to react in any situation. You quickened your pace, knowing the distance those things could reach. 

The aim was to get as much distance between you and the squad as possible. Then, you’d tear off any and all equipment that would hinder your survival out in the forest until you stumbled across a clan and could ask for uturu. The word and its meaning came to you from a distant memory. A simpler time when Grace had been ranting about some new discovery she’d observed out in the field whilst you’d simply been trying to microwave your dinner. 

One of the explosions went off a little too close to you. Making your pace falter as your head snapped up to watch the branches above burst into flames. You squinted as a figure got thrown clean off by the blast. They seemed to collide with every branch and bush in existence on the way down, screaming the whole way.

<”SPIDER!”> Yelled the older girl from before, appearing over the lip of the branch but not daring to jump after him.

Instinctively, you leapt forward, gun falling back on its strap as your arms came up to catch the falling kid. He crashed into your embrace with a punched out wheeze. Blood oozed from many cuts, whilst his back was warm to the touch, not burnt, but still caught by the flames. 

Another explosion went off, spurring you back into motion. You tried to set the kid down, but he groaned painfully, clutching at your bullet proof vest as his legs failed to hold his weight. 

“Shit.” You cursed under your breath. Glancing back to the branch, you realised the girl was still there. Still watching your every move. And still way too close to Quaritch and his squad. To the inbound airship. 

Shifting the kid so he was supported by one of your arms against your body, you strained to relieve your feet of the heavy duty avatar boots. The laces were slippery from the rain, slithering out of your grasp and making you growl lowly to yourself. It felt like hours, but it could’ve only been seconds before you were barefoot, your shoes and socks discarded in the undergrowth. 

”Hold on tight!” You instructed the kid, who dutifully wound his shaking legs around your ribcage and hooked his arms around your neck. You supported his back with one arm whilst you scrambled to begin climbing back up the hill he’d just tumbled down.

The soil was loose from the rain. The bushes offering no firm support due to your weight, their roots easily giving way if you dared hold onto them for support. 

You hadn’t climbed anything in this body yet. With the base possessing stairs, and your memories of climbing trees locked away in a past life, there was no real need to. And yet, it came easily to this body. As if it had been born to scale the trees of the Pandoran rainforest despite being grown by aliens in a test tube. 

The girl was quick to grab the back of your bullet proof vest once you were high enough. Heaving you up onto the branch with her whole body thrown back. Curling your toes into the uneven bark, you swayed in place, tail compensating for your shit balance. ”We need to move.” You insisted, once again readjusting your grip on the shivering child in your arms.

She nodded dutifully. ”This way.” You kept a hand on her bicep to steady her as she took off down the branch, leading you away from the gunfire. 

With practised ease, she reached the end of the branch and smoothly dropped to the forest floor before scrambling away. You were slower in following, your body protesting the intense movements before your knees groaned at the sloppy landing. To his credit, Spider didn’t complain as the jerky ride, his eyes half closed behind his mask. 

You pushed through the bushes to find the three na’vi kids waiting by some ikran. Eying the beasts wearily, you slowed your pace, listening to the older girl reassure her siblings with soft words at your approach.

You needed to be quick. The owner of those arrows would be returning for their kids soon. And whether or not it was Jake, they’re bound to kill you on sight without checking your face.

”He’s wounded. You must get him to the Tsahik quickly.” You explained as you approached, dropping into a crouch to set Spider down gently at the kids’ feet. He protested again, putting up a valiant fight to keep a hold of you, but you were stronger than him. Your touch was firm as you removed his limbs from you and sat him down.

Kiri was quick to drop to his level, frowning hard at his bloodied appearance. Feeling sorry for the wounded kid, you dared to take a couple of extra seconds pulling out a knife from your belt to cut him free.

He pouted as he rubbed the circulation back into his wrists. Those piercing eyes darting all over your face.

You turned to leave, but the youngest kid was quick to waddle up to your side, her bound wrists extended. ”Can you cut me loose too?”

”I /really/ need to go.” You reply softly, before cutting her loose anyway.

You shifted back, only for the older pair to immediately extend their arms expectantly. You audibly groaned, before reaching for the boy since he was closest. 

”Zaza?” Spider croaked, making your brows furrowed at the odd word. Around you, the older kids had gone unnaturally still. <”Is that you?”>

”Zaza?” You repeated, finding the word felt odd on your tongue. It sparked a distant memory, of a late night sprawled on a bunk with someone beside you. Someone tall and distracted. The memory brought with it a sense of dread; a distant threat. You discarded that train of thought before it could distract you for too long.

<”It can’t be.”> The na’vi girl commented, and now it was her turn to begin studying you. 

”I don’t know what that means.” You pleaded, hands frozen in time, the knife still poised. A headache was beginning to form between your eyes, and your stress levels were incredibly high, but no one was giving you a straight answer. All you knew for certain was that you didn’t recognise this boy, and yet, he looked at you as if he knew you. 

<”Holy shit.”> Was all Spider replied with, slumping against the forest floor. 

<”No way.”> The na’vi boy agreed with a laugh. He was grinning hard, ears perked. 

His younger sister looked as confused as you felt. Whilst the older girl was inspecting you in a way similar to how Grace used to look at something that deeply fascinated her.

Out of nowhere a large, calloused hand wrapped around your shoulder, yanking you back and away from the kids. The hand moved with the momentum, throwing you off balance to land hard on your back. You gasped loudly, your knife flying away into the bushes. The kids were already yelling as you struggled to gather your bearings.

The barrel of an old model RDA rifle came into focus, inches from your face, making you gulp loudly. Following the line of the weapon, your gaze travelled up a blue arm to a scowling face that you hadn’t seen in decades.

<”JAKE DON’T!”> Spider yelled. Despite the frantic edge in his voice, he remained unmoving. His eyes as large as the moon as he stared unblinkingly up at the na’vi’s turned back. 

<”DAD! NO!”> The oldest girl shrieked, clumsily shoving her bound hands into the na’vi’s stomach, her eyes wide and pleading. 

The boy was quick to jump to your defence. <”They helped us escape Dad- SIR! Don’t!”> 

<”DADDY!”> The youngest shrieked, joining in at her older siblings’ reactions. She promptly latched herself onto his leg, clingy tightly and making his strong stance waver. If you weren’t seconds from dying - again - it would’ve been a comically domestic scene. 

You shifted your gaze back to the man in question. Jake looked different. He was older now. Tired. Blue. Very fucking blue. His expression was aged, his hair in dreadlocks. You barely recognised him. 

Movement over his shoulder brought your gaze to yet another kid. Older than the others, he shared the same hard expression as his father, an arrow notched and reading in his bow. Clearly, there was no chance of escape. If Jake missed you by some miracle, that boy would finish the job for him. 

Jake hadn’t lowered his gun. He was still studying you, blatantly ignoring his kids as his narrowed eyes swept over the planes of your face. The weight of the stare was heavy as his frown deepened. 

Somehow, you managed to unstick your tongue from the roof of your mouth, terrified but fucking estatic that he was alive. ”Long time no see, marine.”

No reaction. The gun didn’t lower. His expression didn’t change. Remaining cold and closed off. 

Your smile faltered as you realise he probably didn’t recognise you. You expected the gun to be shoved back against you, for a bullet to shoot through your body and for you to die again. 

Nothing happened. 

Then something seems to click. ”Impossible.” Is all Jake said, and he lowered his weapon. The kids collectively breathed out and moved out of his way. 

His brow was furrowed now as he dropped into a crouch. Jake loomed over you, his shadow blocking out the moon as his arm shot forward to grab at the front of your bullet proof vest to yank it down. You jerked, instinctively growling at him as his large hand grabbed your dog tag chain and pulled it out of hiding. The chain pulled taught as he dragged you in by the neck, in turn, Jake stooped lower, eyes squinting to read the printed metal in the pathetic light of the forest. 

He sucked in a breath. <”What kind of sick-”> He cut himself off with a swear, dropping the tag like it had burned him. His eyes shone with a dense swirl of emotion when he caught your gaze again, his voice punching out of him in a yell. ”You should be dead!”

Your expression furrowed. ”Sorry to disappoint?”

He cursed again. <”Kids, get to the ikran. Your mother should be waiting for you.”> None of them moved. Jake growled. <”Did you hear?”>

You could make a break for it right now. Roll onto your stomach and dart off into the forest whilst he was preoccupied. The boy with the bow had loosened his arrow when Jake had dropped the gun from your face. But there was no guarantee he wouldn’t put a bullet between your shoulders for your hard work. 

In another life, you had been friends; comrades. But now, he was a stranger. And you were decked out in enemy gear. 

The heat of the jungle was getting to you now. Causing sweat to bead on your brow and moisture to collect under the heavy, bullet proof vest clutching tight to every movement of your torso. The military grade trousers clung uncomfortably to your legs, your boots long gone but your feet weak and vulnerable against the rough terrain of the jungle floor. 

In contrast, Jake was in his element. Adorned in traditional Omaticayan attire and walking around barefoot without an issue. 

<i>Private!</i> Quaritch’s calm voice over the com sent chills down your spine, making you stiffen. <i>Private! Do you read me?</i>

You dared not respond. Jake was still studying you. Those unnatural glowing eyes pinning you in place.

<i>Y/n! Dude, you alive!</i> Lyle’s loud voice had you wincing. Jake’s head snapped down at the sound, ears fanning wide as Lyle kept trying to coax you into responding. Making your insides twist tighter and tighter. 

You’d been hoping for a clean break that would spare your conscience. They weren’t supposed to have noticed your absence yet. 

Fuck, Quaritch was gonna kill you for getting cornered by Jake. That is if Jake didn’t kill you first.

You were so caught up in your musing that you didn’t notice the man in question had moved, until a hand clamped hard around your queue, snapping your head back from the harsh yank. The sound you let out could never have been produced by a human. It echoed through the trees, making your ears flatten.

Jake paid you no mind as he harshly dragged you to your feet. 

”Jake!” Spider yelled at him, eyes hardened. 

The marine waved him off as you struggled to comply, your balance all thrown off and mud clinging to your ass and back. His movements were sharp, making you gasp. In one swift motion, he dug his finger under your earpiece and tossed it away into the undergrowth. 

”Jesus, you’ve gotten cranky in your old age.” You complained, struggling to relieve the pressure on your kuru.

Jake let out a surprised burst of air that could’ve been a laugh. ”Glad to see whatever they’ve done to you hasn’t dimmed your humour, Private.”

”Fuck off with that military shit.”

He kicked at your calf, tripping you into walking faster. Snapping your teeth at him, you followed the sound of the kids retreating into the undergrowth. Jake’s grip was painful on your kuru, but he was no longer using it to guide you along like a misbehaving horse, so you would take it.

”You started it.” He blurted in that typical knee jerk reaction of his. You huffed at the familiarity of it. ”Now start walking.”

”You’re not seriously considering taking me with you? Are you?” He didn’t respond and you let out a bark of laughter. ”You’re being an idiot.”

“I’m sparing your life.” Jake replied sharply. ”Usually, people are grateful.”

You saw the ikran first. They weren’t as big as you remembered, but still scared the shit out of you. 

<”Ma Jake, what are you doing? Kill-”> Neytiri hissed from beside her mount. The youngest girl cradled to her chest. The woman stepped away from her ikran’s side, bow slung over her shoulder and her expression thunderous.

Jake pulled you up short, startling a second shout of pain from you. ”Dude! Ease up. Come on!”

Neytiri suddenly appearing in front of you had you stiffening. Her gaze pierced through you, studying your face with a hunter’s precision. She recognised you much faster than her mate.

“Would you quit whining?”

”You’re being an asshole!” 

You could only watch dumbly as her eyes widened, mouth dropping open whilst her ears fanned wide as the membrane of a frilled lizard. The hand not cradling her daughter flew to her mouth as that expression morphed into one of fiery rage. 

”What did they /DO/ to you?” She shrieked, the sheer grief in her tone making you flinch. Her breath stuttered, glancing at Jake before finding your pained expression again. “Eywa took you home.” She sounded like she was trying to convince herself of that fact. 

The kids shuffled on your peripheral. Unsettled by their mother’s blatant grief. Neytiri drew your attention back.

”How is it that you stand before me now?!”

Her cry echoes through the trees, bouncing back to your bent ears with the same gut wrenching emotion as they had had leaving her mouth. You stared blankly at your friend, feeling all sense of hope and joy at being found drain away.

She was looking at you like you were a ghost or some kind of illusion. Waiting for you to evaporate or cease to exist at any moment. 

Your presence had unknowingly opened an old, festering wound that had barely healed the first time.

This wasn’t the reunion you’d been expecting. This wasn’t the open arms and tears you’d been praying for whilst you planned your escape. This was everything you didn’t want. 

“I’m sorry..”

>_<

Jake’s grip was unforgiving as he hauled you off of his ikran at High Camp. Your arms strained against the vines they’d used to bind your wrists, fingers failing to keep you on your feet as he forcefully yanked you down off of his ikran and onto the uneven cliff edge. One hand still grasped your kuru, whilst the other bit imprints into your bicep. 

They’d stripped you of your gear before wrestling you onto a banshee.

Now, your weapons, bullet proof vest and any form of communication with the RDA lay soaked in rainwater somewhere in the forest. You didn’t mourn the loss of the devices, since the RDA could no longer track you without them. But you did miss the false protection of the knife and the warmth of the vest against the frigid mountain air.

Goosebumps erupted up your forearms as you were dragged further into the heart of the camp. Tents had been erected inside the cave system, made homely by the cooking fires within and the decorative rugs lining the cold, stone floors.

You glimpsed a compound on one of the rocky rises. The shining metal stood out like a sore thumb against the wooden structures of the tents and the warm glow of the fires.

Jake kept you walking, guiding you through the gathering throng of clan members. Some you recognised, many you didn’t. They all stared at you the same. With pinned back ears and judgemental eyes. 

It was a relief when you were shoved between the flaps of the largest tent so far. The atmosphere was tense inside, with a fire burning low in the centre and various belongings stacked up against the walls. Herbs dried where they hung from the ceiling, whilst a hammock hung suspended against the back wall where two figures crouched over a map.

Your heart leapt into your throat. The rest of the clan and Jake’s unforgiving grip on you fell away as your eyes widened. 

The years had been kind to Mo’at. She still wore her red beaded shawl, but had updated her headpiece and decorative necklaces, one of which appeared to have been made by a child. Her intelligent eyes snapped towards you in the small space, the weight of the years portrayed in the heavy crow’s feet and bags pulling at her cheeks. That expression did not change as she studied you. 

Tsu’tey shifted at her elbow, looking as handsome as he always had. White paint ran down the line of his nose, from forehead to chin, standing out brightly against the soft blue of his skin. He carried himself with an undeniable sense of authority, chin lifted as that razor sharp glare cut you down to your very core. He no longer wore the necklace that had matched the choker your human body wore, but the rest of him had not changed. He studied you wordlessly, his lips dragged down into a frown as if he’d already analysed all he needed to know. 

Your eyes caught on the bullet scars that adorned his left shoulder. They were old, faded with time but obvious. Your stomach tensed at the thought of what he had been through in your absence. 

Wordlessly, you watched as Spider - who had slipped in behind you - skirted the fire and walked straight for Tsu’tey. “Dad.” The boy breathed, barely loud enough for you to hear. The hunter immediately opened his arms for the boy to fall into, his tail swaying anxiously as he whispered inaudibly to the young boy. Spider finally lost the tension in his body, whilst your stomach clenched painfully. You hated to imagine what their closeness meant. 

Neytiri burst into the tent behind you, making your ears shoot up and your body jerk. She paid you no mind, kicking at the back of your knee to force you to kneel. You gasped as Jake’s grip left you and Neytiri took his place. Her nails digging crescent moons into your scalp as she grasped the back of your neck with unforgiving tightness.

<”Daughter, what brings you here with such rage in your eye?”> Mo’at asked carefully. Her familiar voice sounded so calm, so familiar. You squeezed your eyes shut at the sudden weight behind them. 

<”The Sky People have found a new low.”> Neytiri declared loudly to the silent tent. Mo’at hummed. 

Somewhere behind the canvas of the tent wall, you heard small feet shift. Glancing to the side, you saw a tiny eye peering up at you from the gap between the material and the floor. Those unnaturally large eyes bore into your soul, making your tail thrash with nerves.

Neytiri’s fingers turned into claws in your hair, snapping your attention back to the situation at hand as she grasped a fistful of hair and yanked. <”They have begun to resurrect the dead.”> Your head snapped up from the motion, causing your neck to crack and warm pain to deep down your spine. Your mouth opened wide with an involuntary, pained gasp.

Mo’at didn’t move. 

Tsu’tey was scowling hard at her side, Spider wincing in sympathy at your treatment. Two sides of one coin. An odd pairing in appearance, but even in the short time you’d seen them together, you knew there was a bond there. Probably years old.  

With the crack in her daughter’s voice, Mo’at rose from her seat. On silent footsteps, she rounded the fire. ”What are you called?” 

You could tell that who you were still hadn’t clicked into place for Tsu’tey from the way that his ears flickered in uncertainty. Still looking confused, he composed himself, sitting back on his hunches to look at Neytiri. <”What is the meaning of this? Why have you brought this puppet to High Camp.”>

<”It protected the children.”> Neytiri returned easily. Making it sound like you were a pissed off thanator that had by some miracle, spared her offspring. <”It recognised us.”>

”Neytiri-”

<”You do NOT speak here.”>

Your name sat frozen on your tongue. The reactions of your previous two friends made you not want to reveal yourself. Neytiri shook you painfully by the kuru, letting out a warning hiss.

You spoke your name, eternally grateful that Mo’at’s towering form blocked Tsu’tey from view. 

More humming from Mo’at as she reached for the tiny blade concealed within the sheath of her head dress. You eyed her wearily, held still by Neytiri’s hand in your hair as she pricked your shoulder. She pulled the bloodied blade back, tasting the drop of blood. 

Her ears pricked at the taste, staring at you with a newfound revelation. ”It is you.” She confirmed, and something seemed to unwind in both Jake and Neytiri. ”But altered. You are not as the Great Mother intended.”

She motioned to her daughter, expression pinched. Neytiri tried to protest, but at her mother’s stern glare, her hands retreated from you. Your posture immediately slumped, relieved tingles echoing across your scalp and down your back.

”Explain.” Mo’at boomed, commanding your attention once more.

That finally got a reaction from the hunter still crouching over the map. 

”The Sky People grew this body as they grew the avatars.” She nodded along to the simple explanation, sharing glances with Tsu’tey over her shoulder. You swallowed. ”They uploaded my memories into it. This body is me.”

Jake sidestepped, putting himself back into your line of sight. ”So you aren’t linked up?” There was something unreadable in his eyes. You almost mistook it for hope.

You shook your head. That body was long gone. ”This is my body now.”

Spider had sat down on the mat beside him by now, and shifted uncertainly as the man wordlessly rose from his couch with the authority of a king rising from his throne. Mo’at stepped aside as he took slow, menacing steps towards you. Swallowing hard, you dared to meet his burning gaze highlighted by the soft white paint. The vibrant grief and rage swirling within those gorgeous depths was startling to behold.  

His hand went to the knife at his waist, wrestling it free with the practised song of the blade against its bone sheath. Your fight or flight threatened to kick in as you recognised the same hunter’s stalk he had performed the morning Neytiri and Jake had officially mated. 

<”Olo’eyktan?”> Mo’at asked, eying him wearily. 

He ignored her, storming past her fast enough to have her braids dancing. That gaze was narrowed; honed in on prey. 

His arm drew back. 

Your eyes widened. 

With a yell, he took a swift swipe at your head which you barely managed to dive out of the way of.

<”DAD NO!”> Spider yelled from across the tent. He was on his feet in minutes, scrambling forward, only for Mo’at to hold him back with her arm.

Neytiri tutted at the poorly aimed blow, her tail thrashing on your peripheral as you cowered in the dirt, your arms still bound and braced against stone. Vulnerable skin tore on uneven rock as you scrambled away, kicking yourself for turning your back, but knowing distance was more important.

At least Jake seemed to have your back.

<”Tsu’tey, what are you doing?”> The marine asked, immediately jumping in to stop him from striking again as you scrambled to get your feet under you. With your hands bound, it was a struggle. Your tail thrashed, attempting to aid your balance as you scrambled away.

Tsu’tey was like a man possessed, shoving Jake off balance and making another stab at you. His ears were flat on either side of his head, eyes wild and manic. You’d never seen him so pissed. And certainly not so quiet whilst being so angry. It was somehow more terrifying than if he were screaming at you. 

Jake scrambled to stay on his feet, his arms wrapping around Tsu’tey’s waist and yanking him back. Causing the knife to fall short of slicing through your side. The Olo’eyktan shrieked, a noise you had never heard a na’vi make before as his nails clawed at the man’s arms, failing to tear him off. Your ears flattened at the heart wrenching sound. Eyes not quite leaving the knife still in the Olo’eyktan’s grasp. A knife which he was quick to recall and hurl at your head. 

“Jesus FUCKING christ!” You swore, ducking again. “Calm down!”

He hissed in retaliation, ears pinned back from the ferocity of the sound. You stilled at the glint of water staining his cheeks, the redness of his eyes. ”I mourned you!” He cursed. Still struggling. Still trying to close the distance and kill you. 

Scratch that last part. Seeing him cry and begin to break down was far worse than anger.

”I buried you.” He screamed, the shout echoing around the tent and no doubt chasing itself out into the main cavern. ”I visited you in Eywa!”

Numbly, you took a step back. Towards the tent flaps. 

This had been a mistake. Coming here was a mistake.

”I have made my peace with your passing! What purpose do you serve? Why have you returned to haunt me?” There was so much anguish in his tone, you would’ve preferred a punch to the jaw. ”WHY!?”

”I couldn’t stay there.” You breathed, straightening your shoulders when you realised you’d curled in on yourself under that venomous glare. ”I couldn’t stay there!” You repeated, louder this time. Needing to be heard. Understood. ”With them.” Your throat was uncomfortably tight. ”I wanted to come home.”

”THIS IS NOT YOUR HOME, DEMON!” Tsu’tey was quick to snap back. His expression shattered, the rage giving way to a tsunami of grief so strong it made you sick. ”LEAVE!”

But you were frozen in place.

Tsu’tey took it as a challenge. With strength that made your eyes bug out, he stomped on Jake’s foot, shot his arms back, grabbed the marine by the weapons belt and yanked him up and over his shoulder. Jake hit the stone floor hard. With a wheeze, he collapsed in a heap, momentarily stunned. 

You gawked. 

Spider seemed to come back to himself. In your peripheral, you watched the kid expertly duck under Mo’at’s arm and dart around the fire, with the ease of someone who’d been doing it his entire life.

Tsu’tey’s form blocked him from view. His muscles were bunched like a thanator preparing to pounce. 

”GET. OUT!” Tsu’tey screamed again. He made to step over Jake, only for the man to grab his ankle and yank, causing the hunter to crash at your feet. You leapt back as his hands shot for your ankles. 

Spider was at your side in moments. ”This way!” He yelled, grabbing at your bound wrists and dragging you towards the tent flaps. You obeyed, but your eyes remained glued to Tsu’tey. To the hands that would drag you down and gladly wring your neck. To the twisted expression on his face, so alien to you and causing the white paint to bunch and flake. 

Mo’at tutted at his back. <”You do not think clearly.”> She narrated, stalking around the fist fight now commencing on her tent floor. 

”Come on!” Spider urged, tugging sharply on your wrists and tearing your attention from Tsu’tey and the rest of them. ”We have to get you out of here.”

<”Give me a head start?”> Spider joked with a hoarse laugh, the furious screams of Tsu’tey biting at your ankles. 

Neytiri appeared at your side, yanking aside the tent flap and helping Spider shove you outside. <”Take the ikran.”> She urged the boy, her expression icy. <”They cannot remain here.”>

You had FUCKING GATHERED THAT MUCH!

Neytiri nodded sharply before barking out loudly, <”Neteyam!”> 

A flurry of movement by the side of the tent revealed the older son from before. His expression was painfully neutral as his gaze slid from his mother to the teenager holding you hostage by your bound wrists. 

<”Take the demon to the forest.”> Neytiri stated. She didn’t wait to see if he acknowledged her command before promptly ducking back into the tent. The flicker of a memory tickled the back of your mind at her sharp cursing as the ruckus within the tent continued.

The boy, Neteyam, barely spared you a glance before heading back the way you’d been dragged into the camp. Despite being dragged all the way here for the Olo’eyktan to pass his judgement, the Sully family were doing a spontaneous job of doing the opposite of his will. You had no doubt that Tsu’tey would have gutted you regardless of his knee-jerk reaction. 

You were lost in your musings as Neteyam hollered for his ikran, three bursts of sound that had the magnificent beast dropping from a higher level of the cave system to stand before its rider. The boy was quick to form Tsaheylu, before fluidly mounting up.

<”Where are we headed?”>

<”The old village.”> Spider replied simply, guiding you towards the back of the mount with firm pushes. 

Part 1 -> Next Chapter 

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Could I have something for eyeless jack with an s/o who's a night owl and has a chronically FUCKED up sleep cycle

I don't know if this is what you were looking for, but I wanted to stay true to Jack's opinions and general character

Jack himself is mostly nocturnal, so on one side, this does give you a lot more time to spend with him each day, which he appreciates because he loves you and he tries to spend as much time with you as he can each day. However, on the other side, he greatly worries for your health and well-being, especially speaking as a doctor, he wants you to take care of yourself, and skipping out on sleep every day is not the way to go about that. Due to this, Jack ends up trying to persuade you into a much better sleep schedule most of the time.

Jack will start with a direct approach first; asking for you to kindly and helpfully work with him so he can try and get you on track to a better sleep schedule. He would greatly prefer that you at least give an honest attempt at trying to improve your sleep schedule, as it would greatly upset him if you continue not trying to improve it at all, and could be a deal breaker in the long run unless you essentially just shift your entire existence to just be nocturnal like him because he doesn't want to date someone that doesn't care about their health. If you do agree to try and work with him, then Jack will be quite happy, and even if you don't make immediate progress, he's just happy to work with you to try to get better. Baby steps, one at a time is all that matters to him. 

Jack will start by trying to get your sleep schedule just a bit better. If you're staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning each night, he starts gradually bumping you back to 2, and then 1, and then 12, although he could handle 1 just fine if you can get there. The other thing is, he'd start getting you up earlier. Jack goes to bed about 8:30-9:30 each day, and so he would wake you up before he goes to bed every morning. He tries to regulate your schedule so your body can get more used to that. Although, of course, he always allows you to sleep in on days off or weekends, that way you are still getting a bunch of rest you might miss out on. He just does little things, like no devices 30 minutes to an hour before bed, lights off or dimmed, and just laying in there with you, cuddling up with you and talking with you as you get drowsy. If you enjoy aromatherapy, he'll introduce you to some products he likes for that, or if you would like to try out melatonin for just a couple of months to see how that treats you, he'll help you get some of that too (although he closely monitors your intake on that so you don't take too much, as it's meant to be taken short term). Jack is not expecting immediate results. He just wants you to be more mindful of your body and your health, and even if you can only get into bed an extra hour, an hour and a half earlier than you were, that's still progress and it makes him happy. He loves you dearly, and as happy as it would make him have your company all night, he knows that humans can't do things like that as it's not healthy, and as a doctor, it's something he doesn't want to encourage. 

[terriblyvexed]

hey hey! its one of your readers on ao3 i realized i can ask questions on tumblr so i am trying it out. this may be a controversial question as opinions vary greatly from person to person lool but i am curious being a fellow fan of aot and a fan of your work, so, what did you think about the ending to aot? 👀

(personally i subscribe to a specific fan theory (NOT ANR GOD FORBID i rebuke it!) to keep hope alive in my heart that theres more aot to come cause i did not like the ending much so basically, theres no judgement from me srsly im delulu myself as it stands 😭💯)

anyway thats all thank you for writing left behind and answering my question (potentially)! hope you have a great rest of your day :D

Yeah I know your nickname haha and you can ask or yap about anything!

Ahh yes the ending opinions where swords are drawn two minutes into the debate lol and it’s annoying that people can’t state their thoughts as freely because of the toxicity from every side. This is going to be long I’m sorry😭

I personally didn’t like the ending that much either. I don’t think it’s as bad as people make it out to be, I mean we’ve all seen GoT, but I know a story like AoT could’ve done a little bit better than that, so. It’s not that I wanted Eren to live happily ever after, because his death made the most sense even before I knew about it, but it’s the execution of the episode in general that makes it feel rushed for me.

Mikasa killing him is a beautifully tragic twist, I started bawling my eyes out right there, but I wish the cabin scene was done differently. For me it didn’t feel as raw and honest as the Eren-Armin convo, which I’m not the biggest fan of either, but I’ve always wanted more communication for Eremika so maybe that makes me bitter. Let me see them talk about the table scene and let me see Eren apologise to her. It’s their last moment together, I wanted to see more emotion and honesty rather than an already established relationship that they did off camera. I get what it’s trying to show, and the scene itself is not bad, but I was just a big EM shipper at the time and hoped for more. (I felt the same back when he told her he would wrap that scarf around her forever and always. It hit me just in the right place I remember wanting them to talk about it afterwards but nothing was said.) Same with the memories he gave back to his friends, I’d have liked to see them talk. Him opening his eyes one last time to see her was beautiful no comment there.

Other than that I also LOVED when Levi saluted his friends and comrades! Liked his internal monologue where he said he didn’t regret not bringing Erwin back (Which also made me wish we could’ve seen Armin coming up with impressive strategies and ideas like he used to.)

I liked how Hange was sent off, but I missed them in the final fight.

I really liked the rumbling montage with Guilty Hero playing and Armin’s VA pouring her heart out + that cry at the end when Armin sees Eren. The Levi&Mikasa team-up/final stand was amazing. Those were all done nicely, but that’s pretty much it for me.

For some reason I wasn’t vibing with Annie. I mean she was never my fav but her in season one and in her ova was so much more interesting to me.

I was left underwhelmed by the final fight considering we’ve had great battles like RTS and Liberio previously, it does not compare in my opinion. I understand that Eren won’t kill his friends and I definitely agree with that, but something else could’ve been done with Ymir to make the stakes higher. The ancient titans didn’t feel threatening when you just knew no one was going to die, especially when Falco (first time flying) could dodge all of their arrows.

When everyone there turned into titans, like Jean and Connie, I would’ve preferred if they stayed titans and died when the curse ended. Bringing them back a few minutes later is just meh for me, and makes the emotions I’ve felt a one time thing only because that Jean&Connie dialogue didn’t hit the same afterwards. Not to mention that Connie’s mom was brought back only for us to not see their reunion lol.

Ymir’s storyline was interesting when Eren saw her memories, but after that she lost me a bit. I also don’t like that that *chef’s kiss* scene with Eren telling her she’s just a person didn’t free her at all, that killing Zeke stopped the Rumbling, that Levi was nerfed for the sake of the fight. If all these decisions were done in a slightly expanded time period, I don’t think I would’ve minded much. Especially the final episode itself was, again, rushed in my opinion.

Also, this isn’t just the finale but Historia being sidelined like that is a no-no for me. Not a fan of how the Hizuru-Mikasa plot line didn’t go anywhere either. That may just be nitpicking, but again I do believe season 4 should’ve been longer, maybe with a season 5 as well.

With all that being said, these are just my personal opinions/feelings and despite all, thematically the author did a good job wrapping everything up. Ending a story like AoT couldn’t have been easy at all. Watching it was an experience I don’t think I’ll ever forget or get over and I’m forever going to miss it. (I’m reading the manga now and the uprising arc has me hooked since it’s a bit different from the anime, and dare I say better?)

The ending didn’t ruin it for me or anything, just sad that I won’t get to see the things I wanted to see because naturally everyone has their own expectations, but what are fanfictions for?

What’s the fan theory that you believe? Other than that ANR I’ve heard about the mist and ouroboros but I’ve never read them in detail.

Thank you for reading Left Behind! I’d also like to state that my criticism of the AoT ending does not mean I’ll write one better lol. I like my ending for my story but I’ve already made peace with the fact that some readers might have problems with it. Which is fine as well because I love a good finale debate.

You have a great day/night as well!💓

[zafirosreverie]

Julieta & Bruno headcanons

for @hectic-hector we both know these two are the best!

They're 15 minutes apart

Julieta gave Alma a heart attack because she was born calm, without crying or noise.

But she was the healthiest baby. Bruno was born weaker and smaller than his sisters.

He couldn't sleep alone, he always had to be between his sisters, but over time Pepa became more independent, leaving them alone.

It never bothered Julieta, and even after getting their own rooms and gifts, she would always leave an empty spot next to her on the bed, knowing that Bruno would appear at any time of the night.

While Pepa preferred to play outside and explore, Bruno and Julieta were home children. They would play chess, cards, puzzles, or read together.

They were the ones who could pretend to be each other, which greatly bothered Pepa. They stopped when they realized that it really hurt her not to look like her siblings.

Bruno was Julieta's guinea pig while she learned to cook. He trusted his sister, and no matter how bad the food looked, he would eat it and be honest about the taste.

Because of this, Bruno actually learned to cook and is really good at it, he just prefers to leave the hard work to his sister.

But he doesn't hesitate to take over if Julieta needs to rest.

Bruno was the baby when they played. Always. Sometimes it was hard for him to know when the game ended because Julieta would treat him like a baby anyway.

He's a gentleman and he was since he was little. He would open the door for his sisters or help them cross puddles or give them the hand when they went down the stairs.

Again, with Pepa more interested in exploring and being independent, Bruno stopped doing it with her, but he always did it for Julieta, even as adults, he still retains those instincts and makes sure to be a total gentleman with her.

Pepa complains about this, saying that he was never "good" to her and that it was obvious who his favorite sister was.

Bruno simply agrees and hugs Julieta while he sticks his tongue out at Pepa.

"As if she wasn't your favorite too" (Yes, yes she is. Julieta is the favorite sister of her two siblings, but they still love each other…in their own way)

Julieta just laughs, but she hugs Bruno back while she smiles evilly at Pepa just to annoy her.

"Mamá!! Your children are evil!!" "I don't remember any of them breaking my vases as kids, tho" "I can't believe this family treats me like this, betrayal after betrayal." (Pepa's the drama queen, you can't change my mind)

Bruno was not very good at school, he was better than Pepa, but he still had a hard time understanding many things. Julieta spent afternoons patiently explaining to him what she had understood.

For that reason, Bruno got used to going to her when he had doubts, even after returning to the family.

Julieta's the secret keeper for both her siblings. In a way, she knows them better than Alma (or Félix in Pepa's case) ever will.

When Julieta felt too pressured by the expectations of her mother and the town, she hid in Bruno's room.

He never questioned it, he simply sat with her, listening to her without interrupting and offering hugs from time to time (he didn't know what else to do).

She knew that she didn't have to be perfect with him, that she could make mistakes, do stupid things, scream, jump, just be herself, without fear of being judged.

Bruno loves those moments. He got used to seeing his older sister as a perfect doll, it was nice to be able to see her being human again.

Julieta was the only person Pepa couldn't beat in a fight (the woman is strong, okay? We don't give her enough credit just because she's the calmest of the triplets), which is why Bruno hid behind her every time Pepa intimidated him.

She cooked whatever she was in the mood to make, but it was more common for her to spoil Bruno with food than her sister and mother. But she would never admit it.

When the grandchildren were born, Julieta's daughters immediately chose him as their favorite "mom's sibling".

"It wasn't enough for you to steal my sister, now you are also taking my nieces from me?!" "Pepa, your cloud!"

When his sisters started dating, instead of trying to seem intimidating, he would simply tell the suitors that if they hurt any of them, he would give them a horrible vision (he knows his gift doesn't work like that, but it was his way of protecting Pepa and Juli).

His favorite niece is Mirabel. No questions, no doubts. I'm not even going to argue this point, I'll just say that she was his favorite from the moment she was born (probably because she looked so much like Julieta and in a way he felt like he could repay her for all the love and care she had for him through Mirabel).

The night he disappeared, the only person he had time to write to was Julieta. He didn't tell her where he was going, he just asked her not to hate him and that he promised her he would be okay. He thanked her for everything she had done for him and said he was sorry for not being the best brother to her.

It was the worst pain Julieta had ever felt. It was as if she had lost one of her babies, and she refused to leave her room for weeks, clinging to that letter.

In the end, only Pepa was able to get her out of there, reminding her that she still had her, and that she needed her. The two became closer in those years because of the fear they had of losing each other too.

Julieta hated her mother and sister's unspoken rule not to talk about Bruno. She hated it with all her soul, but she knew that she couldn't do anything about it if she didn't want to make things worse for Mirabel.

She didn't say anything when Pepa went to vent to her and inevitably ended up cursing Bruno, she simply sat next to her and hugged her, even if she didn't agree with what she said.

Still, she couldn't be mad at Bruno. Hurt, sad and desperate maybe, but never really angry.

She could never hate him, she could not curse his name nor could she harbor resentment in her heart for having left her. He was still her brother and even though she didn't know where he was, she still loved him and refused to say a single bad thing about him.

Bruno not only chose the hiding place near the kitchen because of the free food, but because it is the place where Julieta spent the most time, and being with her (even if she didn't know it) calmed him down and made him feel better.

He sometimes wondered if what he did was worth it, as he listened to Julieta break down little by little.

There's no way in the world Julieta left him out of her sight for more than a few minutes when he returned. There was simply no human power that would make her turn away from him, for fear of losing him again if she looked away.

Bruno didn't care, knowing that he had years to make up for hurting her.

Curiously, rebuilding his relationship with her was more difficult than with Pepa and Alma or anyone else.

Perhaps because he had never been as close to them as he was with his older sister, and it broke his heart to realize that the reason the miracle had broken in the first place was not just because of Alma's expectations on the family, but because he himself had broken the strongest bond he had as well.

It took a few months for them to start trusting each other the same way they had. Bruno had to learn to talk to her freely again, without sounding like he was walking on eggshells around her.

And Julieta had to learn to give him space, to trust that he wouldn't leave again and take his word that she hadn't been the reason he left in the first place, that she really had done enough and more for him.

It was a slow process, but they managed to make it work and that was all that mattered to them.

And that's all for now because I could go on and on about these two and we would never leave this post. I just love them so so much!!! (and Pepa too)

[familyagrestefanblog]

I know I posted about that already, but the way the special pushes the narrative that Gabriel Agreste would have lived if it wasn't for the wish is greatly bothering me.

Gabriel was minutes away from dying from the Cataclysm wound. The man would have died anyway and only a wish could have saved him which he didn't use for himself but for Nathalie.

The finale was NOT hiding that AT ALL and it was already annoying enough that Marinette seemingly didn't pay attention to Gabriel SAYING that he and Nathalie are about to die when she said they will find a way without a wish even if it's not perfect.

"Perfect" wasn't the problem here. I still don't understand, did she just not LISTEN when Gabriel said that?? Cause that is still the only way her actions and behaviour make sense.

And that it makes sense that Marinette now thinks that Gabriel having killed himself through the wish is her fault.

But that doesn't make it true and I dislike that the special didn't include the truth whatsoever.

It already felt contrived as hell in the finale that it was made so CLEAR that Gabriel and Nathalie were done for without the wish, but Marinette was made to just not listen at all just for contrived conflict now of her blaming herself.

She extended the emptiest hand ive ever seen and it would now be fine enough if at least the narrative around Marinette were honest enough to not suddenly pretend like Marinette is right. They could have easily included that moment of Gabriel saying that he and Nathalie are about to die and Adrien will be alone through having Alix watch that moment alone so the AUDIENCE knows the truth and understands that Marinette is incorrectly placing that blame on herself cause she apparently just didn't pay attention, but fine!

That annoys me so much. That even the narrative is siding with Marinette now in hiding the truth and instead frames Marinette saying that she "tried everything. She tried reasoning with Gabriel, to find another way, but now Adrien's has no father anymore because of her" as a nobel and tragic truth instead of the incorrect desperate confusion that it is because we must always paint Marinette as a tragic saint over all else.

You could have still highlighted that Marinette thought she was genuinely extending a hand to him. That she didn't pay proper attention (somehow??) and truly thought Gabriel and Nathalie could have had been saved in another way.

You can still give her credit for that without lying to the audience that her words could have been an option. Because they weren't and that was made obvious.

There was no other way. No other "not so perfect solution". There was no time, Gabriel and Nathalie were as good as DEAD. Gabriel was already turning into dust right in front of Marinette's eyes.

Why is the special supporting Marinette's incorrect assumption that she was unfairly robbed of the chance to save Gabriel? There was no chance. GABRIEL knew that and SAID so.

I wouldn't be so bothered by it if the show had handled Marinette's misunderstanding this wrong in a better way than just having her become deaf and switch off her brain for her conversation with Gabriel to an aggravating degree.

Cause she wasn't listening. She wasn't THINKING. What she offered was wishful-thinking SHE preferred to be real in that moment that was rooted in nothing of the reality of their situation. No shit he venomed her and did the wish anyway. And I'm annoyed that the special couldn't respect the audience enough to make them aware of Marinette's misunderstanding because that wouldn't praise her enough I guess.

The truth was perfectly fine, you could have still given her credit that she may have gotten it wrong but she genuinely tried. But nah I guess. Why respect the audience when crediting Marinette something she didn't do makes her look even better? It's not like that makes her look WORSE now for people who don't just ignore what actually happened in the finale.

Same as Marinette claiming she was greatly insured and hurt in the finale. People are already acting as if that wasn't a complete lie just because it makes Marinette more pitiable. Just go with the truth for once Miraculous, you have enough tragedy to work with for Marinette.

[elysiansparadise]

Dear Elysian, since your blog is so insightful, I hope you can help me out: What is the best way to deal with moon square moon synastry? I know so many Scorpio moons (I'm a Cancer rising with Scorpio 5th house) but my natal Leo moon almost always squares their moon. Maybe there are some Synastry aspects that can smoothen this energy? I would love to hear your thoughts about this. On the other hand, I‘m really excited for your upcoming posts! Keep up the great work and good luck! 🍀

Sure, I would love to help you dear! 🥰💗

How to deal with Moon-Moon square in synastry?

First we have to understand what this square usually indicates. When Moon squares Moon in the synastry there may be different emotional needs, lifestyles, ways of feeling and/or expressing feelings, dynamics with the family or different opinions regarding the formation of the home.

As for practical approaches, I can mention the following:

🤍Good communication always helps. Openly express what things make you feel comfortable and what don't. Establish boundaries and make sure you listen to and accept each other's boundaries. Let each other know how you like to be loved to avoid misunderstandings. Talk to each other about how you deal with your emotions, do you like to have your space when you are upset or sad? Do you prefer physical comfort? Do they just want to be heard? Talk about it.

🤍Empathy is the foundation of a relationship and a perfect way to deal with Moon squares. Trying to see things from the other's perspective and developing empathy can help to ease tensions. It’s important to remember that both have valid ways of feeling and reacting, even if they are different.

🤍Find a middle point. Do not wait for the other to change into what the other wants, instead of insisting that the other adapt completely to your own needs, find a middle ground where both feel seen and heard without needing to feel that you cannot be yourselves with each other.

Now, as far as aspects of astrology are concerned, I have a couple in mind:

🩶Conjunctions, trines or sextiles between Sun-Moon can help a lot, because despite the initial square, these aspects help both of you to have greater empathy with the other and feel that despite your differences, you can be yourself and feel appreciated, loved and supported. The Sun is our identity, so when the Moon aspects positively, there is genuine affection where sympathy, care and appreciation for the other awakens.

🩶Mercury-Moon positive aspects can be an excellent tool, as they will be able to talk more easily about insecurities, emotions and what they need from the relationship. The fluid aspects between these two planets help the other feel heard, favoring that disposition of truly wanting to understand the other and validate what they feel.

🩶When the Moon aspects Jupiter positively, it causes both of them to grow together and learn a lot from each other. These aspects greatly favor a peaceful coexistence in which both look up to the other and are amazed by the other. The theme of teamwork, mutual support, affection and attention to others are of great help to counteract the initial square.

🩶The trine or sextile between Moon-Saturn makes both of them focus on creating the foundation for a lasting relationship. The Moon person shows empathy, understanding and a lot of validation, while the Saturn person is open to knowing how to best meet the other person's needs, be reliable, as well as patient and delicate. Both will support each other and seek to meet the other's needs in their own way.

🩶The positive aspects between Venus-Saturn give a lot of commitment between the natives, they will want to do things well with the other and provide love and understanding to the other. 

🩶Mercury positively aspecting Pluto or Saturn can also be of great help, as both may feel that they can talk about the more serious aspects of the relationship. It greatly favors long-term planning and makes both feel that they can be very honest and clear with the other. They will not be the type of couple that is afraid to address some topics; on the contrary, they may find it very easy to do so due to the foundations of trust and reliability of the relationship.

🩶Planets falling in the 1st house can help you find similarities between the two and can help you feel more empathy between them. Understanding, similar experiences and in general similarities on issues related to the planet that falls into the house. Sun for example makes them have similar personalities and makes them feel admiration and happiness with respect to each other. Mercury can make you both have similar opinions and ways of communicating. With Venus, your perception of love or similar love languages and so on.

🩶Planets falling in the 4th house can create this feeling of comfort with each other. No matter the differences or experiences they have experienced, both can feel understood, protected and cared for by the other. Moon falling here, for example, can talk to us about that feeling of being able to better express your feelings without fear of being judged. Jupiter falling here tells us about this immediate boost of serotonin, the presence of the other makes you feel happier and understood.

🩶Planets falling in the 5th house also help a lot, as both make each other feel happy, loved and very motivated by the other. They feel that they can be lighthearted with each other, that there are no pressures, expectations or stress, being with each other is fun, easy and leaves them with a feeling of warmth in their chest. Moon falling here makes you more easily expressive of each other, romance, authenticity and compatibility.

🩶Planets falling in the 7th house greatly favor compatibility, good coexistence [especially if you plan to be with this person over the long run], and a willingness to understand their differences. Sun, Moon or Rising falling here are a great indicator of compatibility between both of you and the house person can even develop this ease of reading the other like an open book.

[princelylove]

To be honest with you Your Highness, I have always felt afraid of Bruno for some reasons. When I rewatched part 5 with my best friend, they kept commenting how hot he was and all, I tried to imagine him but he scares me. I feel like he hides so much that sometimes it slips away, I would be totally afraid of staying near him even if he was smiling

Your fear is warranted, but displeases him greatly. It stresses him out, I should say. He's never displeased with his darling amore, but he'd much rather have you welcome him with loving arms than freeze when he so much as breathes in your presence.

The foundation of Bruno- of Bruno Bucciarati- is the fact that he is a good man. End of sentence, end of thought.

He's just trying to help. He loves you, he's just trying to take care of you. The rest of the team loves Bruno- he's great! They wouldn't be here if it weren't for him- he's not the type to do some crazy shit randomly, you're probably just mixing reality and whatever nightmares you're having from joining the mafia.

You like Bruno, the husband, but dislike Bucciarati, the mafioso, surely. Bruno's true self- the mix of both, Bruno Bucciarati- is not something easy to figure out at a distance, because he doesn't like the idea of his darling, or anyone else for that matter, looking into him beyond how he presents himself.

You're not really encouraged to look into mafiosi in general. Especially not a capo. Don't snoop, for your own safety's sake.

Despite strongly disliking liars, Bucciarati can lie through his teeth and sleep soundly at night. Bruno, however, feels a sort of discomfort in lying to those he holds in high regards- it's sort of cruel. The least he can do is be honest.

Most of the time, he is. Bruno is not a quick thinker, nor is he innately creative, making him a just-alright type of liar. His lies have to be thought of in advance- he wishes conversation was more like combat. Combat is easy, you survive and you protect, at all costs. Conversation is a mental battle he never trained for- he's a sociable man, but he's been surviving off of letting other people fill in the gaps for him. There's also the fact that the people Bruno finds himself interested in aren't to be lied to.

Bruno has a type, actually. I think most yanderes that fall into Bruno's niche (Jotaro, Risotto) would want someone that needs them. Someone smaller, someone weaker, someone that isn't capable of living without someone else. Of course you don't have to hit every box for Bruno to take interest, he could fall for someone taller, but he can't help but think the size difference with a smaller darling is oh-so-adorable. He has this habit of getting as close as possible and looking down at the both of your shoes, which, he could always just be checking his footing, but it's apparent he's gauging your size difference when he's only doing it with you.

Bruno prefers someone that is only pretending to be independent, or is just openly dependent. Bruno can only survive if he feels needed. Being loved is debatable, you'll always love the hand that feeds you, in a way. You can fall in love down the line once you get over these fears, Bruno's willing to prove that he's the safest man you'll ever meet.

Of course, if this isn't mutual, it's creepy as hell. The real reason that Bruno frightens you, besides from everything else I've described as off about him, is the fact that he does not, and will never, respect your boundaries. He's constantly pushing, whether you want it yet or not.

Bruno is not a man that will ever bend or break. There's nothing that can deter him once he has his mind on doing something- he shares such logic with plenty of other yanderes, but Bruno is a special case, because of his willpower.

Bruno lost his willpower before canon takes place. He has no motive to move elsewhere within the famiglia, his main motivation to get out of bed in the morning is caring for his little family- his famigliola, as he's tried to tell you- and honestly, majority of them are independent types and too old to be coddled. And even then, they're kind of odd, his youngest acts like the oldest and his oldest acts like the youngest, he has no idea how to handle them sometimes. Fathers are only good for spoiling and disciplining, not really any of the actual raising part. You do fun things with daddy, he doesn't make sure you're eating actual good dinners- that's where his darling comes in!

To Bruno, fighting meeting Giorno was like getting a second wind. He was in a massive rut emotionally, and was losing the sense of justice he clung to. Meeting his darling, after that. . . it was like breathing air for the first time. Regaining his soul.

So he can't just fold. It isn't over until it's over, and it's only over when he goes back to dust.

Bruno doesn't really understand what he's doing wrong. He has everything he needs to be appealing. He takes care of himself, he knows how to speak to people, he can provide both financially and emotionally, really, what is it?

When Bruno finds himself starting to feel agitated instead of hopeful you're coming around, then you may be afraid. Perhaps a little fear is good for you, long-term.

[mindful-of-ideas]

Preference : Haikyuu!!

-Christmas date (Sugawara, Tsukishima, Daichi)

A/N : First time writing anything with Japanese characters so I’m really unsure about the use of names, surnames and nicknames, sorry if I messed up (any feedback is greatly appreciated)

A/N 2 : This is romantic, of course, but the age of the characters are kind of up to you. I left it blurry enough that they could be teens, college kids or adults depending on your own age.

Sugawara Kōshi :

He thought about EVERYTHING. What else could you expect from the best boyfriend in the world - his words not yours. It started as soon as you got up. You had a few… a lot of text messages waiting for you, telling you how much he loved you and how he couldn’t wait to spend the day with you and to not worry about breakfast. To be honest, you never really worried about breakfast but sure, you got dressed and texted him ‘good morning xxx’. It didn’t take long for him to knock on your door, croissants and coffee in hand.

“How did you get here so quickly?” you asked.

“Only the best for the cutest partner!” he answered, flashing you a smile.

He knows you’ve been dying to do all of the traditional Christmas activities, things out of perfectly framed American movies, and he was ready to provide. You kicked off the day by making and decorating gingerbread cookies.

“Look, this one is for you!” you said, showing him the christmas ornament shape cookie you had turned into a volleyball for him.

“For me!” he said, pride in his eyes. “I love it, come here… come here!”

He grabbed you by the waist, pulling you closer, before kissing you all over your face. He lingered over your lips for a moment.

“Can I?” he asked gently.

“Yeah.”

He kissed you, deeply, on the lips before pulling you back in for another hug. He tried to make a gingerbread man that looked like you, but it wasn’t up to his standards. He ate it before you could see it and decorated a bunch of hearts for you instead.

You spent the afternoon walking around the Christmas market. You must have stop by every stand and tried everything there was to eat, yet as the evening rolled in you were starving. Which was perfect because he had planned on taking you out for dinner. After that, he took you ice skating. The city had an nice ice rink made outside, surrounded by lit up Christmas trees. Overplayed Christmas songs were blasting from speakers spread out around the rink, bound to get stuck in Suga’s head. He would torture you for days trying to show you his best renditions, but you wouldn’t complain to much. He looked too adorable doing so for you to protest.

You knew how to skate, obviously, if knowing how to skate meant you had enough skills to go in circles at a reasonable pace without falling. By that definition, Suga was really really good at skating. Yet, after almost an hour, you had gained confidence and decided to try and match Suga’s pace instead of him having to slow down for you. He must’ve told you a thousand times that he didn’t care and that he was fine following your pace, but it didn’t matter. You wanted him to have fun too. And well… he did have fun when your skate caught in a hole in the ice and you fell, sliding for a few meters before being stopped by the rink boards.

“You okay?” he asked, braking gracefully in front of you.

“Yeah… I’m… I’m…” you tried to say while getting up, only to fall right back down on your ass. “I’m fine.”

“You sure?” he asked half giggling. “Isn’t the ice a bit cold?”

“Please laugh freely and ease my suffering,” you said, before he could mock you anymore.

He bursted out laughing and you couldn’t help but smile yourself. His laugh really was the best remedy.

“Come on, your majesty,” he said finally extending a hand to help you up.

After that, you decided that it was enough ice skating for one night. You headed back home, him still giggling about you fall, you with now wet pants and a sore bum. You were ready to call it a night, but he wasn’t.

“Now, I know we just made cookies, but I also bought popcorn and candies and fruits, cause I know how much you like eating fruits while watching movies, little weirdo, and chips and hot chocolate.”

“You bought fruits…” you started.

“And, before you go and steal my clothes, because I know you’re dying to get out of those wet pants…” he said, rummaging in a bag. “Voilà! Matching pyjamas!”

He was so proud of himself. You jumped into his arms, nuzzling your head in his neck.

“Go get change,” he whispered in your ear, “I’ll take care of the rest and put on Gremlins”

Tsukishima Kei :

Honestly, you had no expectations. He isn’t really into big romantic gestures and you would’ve been fine with just a nice dinner out with him. That’s why you were surprised when a week before he had asked you to make sure to leave your whole afternoon as well as your evening free.

He picked you up at your house and took you to the Christmas market. You’ve been dying to go, but just couldn’t find the time. He patiently followed you around, smiling every time you had your back to him. He thought you were so cute getting excited about the smallest little things, the intricate skills of local artists, but he would never admit it to your face.

After a good two hours of walking around, he decided for you that it was time to move on. He grabbed your hand and quickly lead you through a maze of narrow streets only to stop at a record shop. The thing looked old, ancient even, but Tsukki walked in as if it was nothing, so you quickly followed him. Inside, the walls were covered with posters and bins filled with records lined the whole floor. If the way there had been confusing, you couldn’t even tell if this store had an end. But you didn’t have time to think about that, Tsukki was making his was through the bins and you didn’t want to lose sight of him. When you caught up to him, he was already holding up a vinyl.

“You know that?” he asked.

Of course you, did. It was your favourite album by your favourite artist.

“Yeah.”

“You see that?” he asked pointing to small text on the cover.

“Exclusive live recording… What?! That song is on that album! I thought they only played it during show, that it was their whole thing.”

“They released a limited quantity of album that included it,” he said simply, “You want it?”

“Of course I want it! How much is it.”

“Nah-ah, Christmas present.” he said, hiding the price with his hand.

You spent the rest of the afternoon exploring the store. He showed you a bunch of albums he thought you would like. There was a small room at the back made just for clients to be able to listen to some of the vinyls. He then showed you artists he liked, some you’ve never even heard him play before. He lingered over one particular album.

“You want it?” you asked, trying you best to mimic his voice.

“Yeah, but it’s pricey, I don’t kn-…”

Before he could finish, you snatched the disc from him. The boy never asked for anything and, while you would give him small presents here and there, you were waiting for this moment.

“Finally! I get to spoil you!” you said making him blush lightly. One more small victory. “Christmas present, you can’t refuse!”

After that, you slowly made you back home, where you cooked dinner together, listening to the albums you had just bought. He did most of the cooking as you were too busy dancing around him, jamming to the music and trying to coax him to join you. But when a slower song came on and when you started pouting, he couldn’t resist you and, maybe still relunctant, join you for one dance. He rested his head on your shoulder and in that moment, you wished you could just stay in his arms like this forever.

After dinner, you snuggled by his side as you watched Love Actually. You couldn’t help but side eye him jokingly when the infamous necklace scene came on. He had just bought you an album as a Christmas present after all. Pausing the movie, he gently pried himself away from you and reached inside his pants pocket to hand you a small box. Inside of it was a golden necklace with a moon pendant made out of a purple gem. You couldn’t believe how thoughtful that was of him. You hugged him for as long as you could before he pushed you back. He helped you clasp the necklace around your neck. You admired it for a second before looking up to thank him, but he already had press play again and was watching the movie. You snuggled back against him as he wrapped his arm around you pulling you closer.

Sawamura Daichi :

You’re both so busy all the time that you actually did forget about Christmas. When he asked you weeks before what you wanted to do on that day, you hadn’t paid enough attention.

“I know it’s early but Christmas is coming up, any ideas on what you might want to do.”

“Sleeeeeeeep.” you answered jokingly, as you did every single other question he asked you when you were this busy.

You had been dating for a while as well, this definitely wasn’t your first Christmas spent together, so you didn’t really wanted or expected him to go all out. But the thing was, he had planned to go all out. He had asked you to, well, be polite, but mostly to make sure his idea was something you wanted. He expected you to ramble off, talking about all the cute things you would’ve done with him if you had time, but you didn’t.

So instead of spending the next few weeks perfecting the perfect date, he spent them stressing out and second guessing every decisions he ever made. Everyday he would asked a different member of the volleyball team what they thought he should do and every time he would get a different answer.

“If I had was dating someone like Y/N, I would just plan the most epic date ever,” said Tanaka.

“Why don’t you just ask them again,” said Asahi.

“You’ve known them for how long now? I’m sure you know what they would like to do. And, hey, you know for sure they’re tired, so plan something chill and it’ll be fine,” said Ennoshita.

“You know you’re half the date, right? They’re going to be happy just spending time with you in the end,” said Kiyoko.

He followed the voices of reason, Ennoshita and Kiyoko, and went through with his original plan.

Unfortunately, you had to work in Christmas Eve, and only got back home in the late afternoon.

“Hey! It’s me!” you shouted as you closed the door.

Daichi appeared in the hallway.

“Could you order food tonight? I know it’s Christmas Eve, but I don’t feel like cooking… or washing dishes…”

“I know,” he said, kissing you on the forehead.

“What do you mean, you know?”

Before you could get an answer, he took your head and lead you down to the bedroom. On the bed, he had laid out the perfect outfit for a date night.

“We have an hour to get ready, I’m taking you out tonight,” he finally said, looking a bit stressed.

“Oh, Daichi!”

That was enough to ease all his worries and he was smiling ear to ear.

As you got dressed, you started to notice how much effort he had put into this. Your outfits matched perfectly and he even thought about accesories. You slid the rings on your fingers, noticing one you didn’t know.

“Hey,” you said turning to face your boyfriend. He was struggling to button the cuffs of his shirt. “Wait, let me help you with that.”

Easily, you buttoned the cuffs and straighten his shirt for him.

“What did you want to ask?” he said, brushing away stray hair from your face.

“Oh, right. Is this ring yours?” you asked showing him the ring, “Cause I’m pretty sure it isn’t mine.”

“It’s not mine, it’s yours… usually, when you’re gifted something, it becomes yours.”

“When you’re gifted… Oh, baby, you shouldn’t have. I didn’t even have time to get you something! I feel bad, it’s not fair to you.”

You wanted to apologies some more, but he shut you up with a kiss.

“My gift is spending time with you, I don’t want anything else.”

He took you out to this fancy restaurant, acting like a real gentleman for the whole evening. You took the long way back home, enjoying the light snow that had started falling and the starry sky. Home, you snuggled in front of a movie, Elf, Daichi’s head was resting on your lap as you played with his hair. You wished every evening could be like this one, and promised yourself to find him a real Christmas present before the year was over.