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the grudge | conrad fisher

conrad fisher x female mc

summary: sometimes the person you love most can be the one who cuts you the deepest. for delaney and conrad, they haven't talked in years. not since that night. not since delaney had confessed to her best friend that she was in love with him.

word count: 3k

warning: mdni, sexual content

author's note: this is a little angsty but also cute ig

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

They say a friendship breakup feels a thousand times worse than a romantic one. Losing that person that feels like your other half, the one you could get stranded on an island with and still find something to laugh about. I suppose that it's true. Losing my best friend feels like a piece of my heart has been ripped out, thrown to the side as though it were perfectly disposable.

I hate Conrad Fisher. I hate him for making me love him. Everyday, I think about that Friday in May. That phone call, the malice in his voice. Everyday I think about it. And most of all, I hate that I made him hate me too.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Nicole had dragged me to this party, demanding for me to get my ass out of the house. I had spent all summer pent up in my room doing online classes to get a head start before starting at Stanford this year. Plus, I didn't want to risk seeing him. Knowing what he said to me. So I had let summer pass me by, not stopping to admire the feeling of the sun gracing my skin or spending all day basking in salt water. I hadn't felt the satisfying pain of a sunburn from spending the whole day outside, despite reapplying sunscreen each hour.

I guess I figured that if I could distract myself, I wouldn't have to think about what existed outside of my room. The reality that Conrad Fisher hates me, and I hate him too. It wasn't always like that. We had grown up quite the pair. I remember days where he would spin me around the kitchen of his house next door, the sweet melodies of Billy Joel filling our souls. But something so perfect can't last forever, and it's my fault for ruining it.

With Nicole's hand in mine, we step through the cream threshold of the house. I believe that it's Gigi's and her parents are gone for the weekend. The smell of alcohol immediately fills my senses, making my stomach churn, along with the blasting house music.

When Gigi spots me, she throws her arms in the air, squealing with delight.

"Look who finally decided to join us!"

She sloppily encases me with a hug, throwing her arms around my shoulders. I smile against her, missing the feeling of being around my friends.

"I've just been busy with school Gig. You know I would never purposefully miss hanging out with you."

She pulls back, rolling her eyes playfully and making Nicole hug her next.

"Yeah, right, Stanford."

We both giggle as she pours me a beer, and I take it gratefully. Though my senses prick when I feel somebody else walk in the room. I know who it is immediately, not bothering to turn around and deal with him.

Holding my cup in my hand, I smile tightly at Gigi and Nicole.

"I'm gonna go use the bathroom. Don't have too much fun without me."

Turning on my heel, I keep my head down, beelining for the bathroom. The stairs feel a mile long as the ache in my chest begins to build, each step seeming to grow double in front of me. I finally make it to the bathroom, shutting the door quickly behind me and holding my hands on the counter for support. I squeeze my eyes shut to try to relieve some of the pain, but it's no use.

I should be over this by now, it's been two years since it happened. Somebody is knocking on the door, probably some drunk girl needing to go pee, but it all sounds muffled.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Nerves eat at my stomach as I walk with Conrad on the beach. I don't know exactly when I fell in love with him, it's not like it happened suddenly. But recently it's been so overwhelming that my heart seems to ache every time I'm away from him, and on the verge of bursting when I'm near him.

He's talking about football right now, the camp that his dad's sending him to at the end of the summer. The end of May lingers like perfume, the final days of school transitioning to the beginning of summer. I can't seem to find it in me to pay attention to what he's saying, knowing that what I'm about to do will change our friendship forever. For however terrified of losing him I am, I am equally as sure that I need to tell him.

"Conrad." I say softly, my voice shaky.

He doesn't hear me, continuing to talk about dreading the drills and the shallowness of the team. I shake my head, urging myself for confidence.

"Conrad." I say, slightly louder.

This time he pauses, his head turning toward mine as I halt in the sand. My sandals feel heavy in my hand, the midday sun blazing onto my shoulders. Conrad is standing in front of me now, with his hair blowing into the coastal wind.

"What's up?" His brows are furrowed, as if confused by my demeanor.

I think my heart might actually beat out of my chest.

"I-" I start, "I've known you for like my whole life and you're my best friend."

He nods reluctantly, eyes holding mine.

"And you're mine. What's going on?"

I close my eyes, taking a deep breath in through my nose.

"I think I love you, Conrad."

When he doesn't say anything for a moment, I open my eyes. But he's not standing in front of me anymore. Conrad Fisher is walking away from me, about twenty feet up the beach. I told Conrad I loved him, and he walked away. My brain tells me to follow him, to take it back, to have never risked losing my best friend at all. But he's walking away, and my feet seem to be sinking into the sand, where I will stay until the tide washes me away.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

The door of the bathroom creaks open, forcing my eyes to shoot to the intruder.

"Sorry, I was knocking but you weren't answering and I wasn't sure if you were okay-"

"Leave, Conrad."

I look at my reflection in the mirror, the yellowed light tanning my skin while I avoid connecting my gaze with him. Conrad doesn't leave. I need him to leave. Instead, he closes the door, enclosing us in the guest bathroom.

"Delaney-"

I whip around to face him, anger building in my core at his concerned tone.

"No! You don't get to say my name like that, Conrad. Not after everything."

Tears build in my eyes, two years of resentment boiling to the surface.

"We both said things we regret that night." His voice is low, dipping his head to catch my eyes.

"Yes, Conrad, we both drew blood. But you and I both know that those cuts were never equal. You ended our friendship over the fucking phone. You called me unlovable-"

My voice breaks, tears streaming down my cheeks at this point. Conrad's shaking his head like trying to forget the bad memory.

"I didn't mean it, Delaney. I didn't mean it. I was scared, and I had just ended things with Aubrey. Our friendship meant so much to me, and I was so scared of losing it." He pleads with me.

"That's exactly what you did though! I know that I started it Conrad, and I will regret that every day for the rest of my life. But I loved you, and you couldn't handle that, so you turned me into this villain."

"No, no," he shakes his head again, "you were never the villain, Delaney. I was scared because I loved you too."

The bathroom is quiet, not even our breaths daring to break the fragile atmosphere. Voices and music are muffled behind the door, and Conrad is looking at me so intensely that I swear I might have something on my face.

Conrad Fisher was my first love. They say that never really leaves you, it sticks like pollen to a hummingbird. Falling in love with him wasn't grueling, it just kind of snuck up on me. It was like I woke up one morning and realized that I had loved him this whole time. I loved the way that he snort-laughed when we would watch South Park on the couch and the way that he went to every one of my track meets. I loved the way that his hair never seemed quite put together and the way that he smelled in the morning when he picked me up for school. I was intwined with Conrad Fisher the way the moon is intwined with the tide.

"Two years-" I start, "You didn't talk to me for two years after that night."

"Because I couldn't find the words to say how sorry I was. I'd tried, Delaney. I spent months trying to figure our how to apologize. But then you got together with Braedon, and I thought that it was over, that nothing I could say would ever be enough to make you believe that if I could take back every word, I would. I never expect you to forgive me, but I need you to know that I did love you."

He pauses, looking at the mirror behind me before looking back at me. His chest rises and falls at a steady pace, in sync with mine. My eyes soften involuntarily with his confession. I'm not sure that I forgive Conrad yet. But right here, in this bathroom, it feels like two years has been nothing more than a few days. I'll be going to Stanford in a couple weeks, leaving behind my life on the east coast, at Cousins Beach. Though it feels as though we're sixteen again, stressing over driving school rather than college. I know that we've both changed so much while we were apart, but at the same time it feels natural to be with him, even if we're arguing.

Conrad's gaze is heavy on mine and I feel my heart in my throat. Without thinking too much about it, I grab the back of his neck, pulling his lips onto mine. I think that I've made a mistake when Conrad pulls back startled, face inches from mine.

But after a second, his hand comes up to my face, lips dipping to meet mine more fervently than before. Our kiss is heated, Conrad's palm heavy against my skin, the feeling of his touch both familiar and foreign. It's strange to think that he's the Conrad that I've known my entire life, yet at the same time, not.

My arms are wrapped around his neck, and his hands come to the backs of my thighs, lifting me onto the bathroom counter. I quickly wrap my legs around his waist while his hands continue to hold my thighs. My sundress sits high on my hips from the position.

"You're so fucking stunning, D."

Conrad pulls back to run his gaze over me, his pupils blown out. I take the time to do the same, glancing over his worn t-shirt, jeans, and sun kissed cheeks. Conrad's head dips down to meet my neck, his hair tickling my jawline. He sucks at my skin, finding the sweet spot just under my ear and eliciting a soft moan.

"Don't leave a mark, Connie." I breath out as my hands tangle into his hair and pull slightly.

He nips slightly at the spot, the sting causing heat to explode throughout my body before running his tongue over it artfully.

"God, you don't know how long I've waited to do this with you."

"Bite me?" I laugh out, his hands holding onto my waist.

Conrad laughs too, before shaking his head.

"No, just touch you."

My breath catches in my throat at his words, the heat of his hands on my waist burning me. He moves them up, eyes on mine before twiddling the straps of my dress between his fingers.

"It is impossible to not want you, Delaney."

His voice is low, and he brings his forehead to connect with mine. Our breaths are intertwined, the feeling of his hair between my fingers as though I were home. Back to my Conrad. Our mouths touch briefly before we both give in again. Conrad pulls me flush against him, no space between our chests. I open my mouth, allowing his tongue to slip in, tangling with mine. The sound of his moan vibrates through me, every inch of us connected.

Conrad's fingertips dig into my thighs, rubbing them up and down while we fight for dominance. When one of his hands disappears under the hem of my dress, he pulls away slightly to look at me.

"Is this okay?"

We're both breathing heavily, and I can feel my cheeks flush.

"Of course."

Conrad looks down, watching as he bunches the floral fabric higher on my hips, revealing my light pink thong. He takes his time exploring my skin, hands groping at my bare ass, running his palm against my inner thigh. I just watch him, not daring to break the moment. And Conrad watches me, as though memorizing every piece that he touches.

When he dips down onto his knees, I feel my breath catch immediately. He looks heavenly down there, blue eyes heavy on mine as he plants a kiss onto my thigh. One kiss. Another. Each one higher up my thigh, his gaze never leaving mine as my breathing picks up. The feeling of his lips on my skin feels both right and wrong, paradoxical in the best way possible.

Conrad pauses, looking up at me from the floor.

"I need to taste you, D."

I nod, not letting myself look away.

"Words, baby."

My heart lurches at the name.

"Yes." I manage to get out.

He wastes no time, pulling the thong down my thighs and stuffing it into his back pocket. His hands pull my legs around his shoulders, and his head dips dangerously close to my core. I shudder at the feeling of his warm breath against my cunt, him still holding my thighs for support.

Conrad presses his tongue flat against me and I'm already soaking for him. I try to stifle my moans as he begins to work my clit, hands shooting out to grip his hair. When I pull a little, Conrad grunts against me, the sound filling my whole body.

My back arches with the pleasure of him this close to me, with his tongue exploring the most intimate part of me. He circles my clit some more, pleasure instantly building as I my hips involuntarily attempt to grind against him.

"Patience, baby." Conrad grips my hips and I feel him smile against me.

"Stop smiling down there, Connie. This isn't funny."

He laughs softly before dipping his tongue into my cunt, the feeling immediately halting our bickering. The pleasure is unlike anything else, especially when his fingers begin to rub at my clit, working both of them at the same time. My breathing picks up, the pressure of an orgasm building low in my stomach.

When I feel myself getting close, I pull Conrad away.

"I need you."

He stands, his body in between my legs. With him close to me, my fingers toy with the hem of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head. I'd been around Conrad shirtless lots of times growing up. But it was never like this, never where I would touch him. Football had toned his body, and I take a moment to admire him.

"Done staring?"

I roll my eyes, reaching forward to cup his dick over his jeans, making his breath catch.

"Shut up Conrad."

"Mhm." He whimpers, rolling his hips into my hand.

Conrad holds his body up with one arm on the wall behind me, the other gripping my hip as if I could disappear any second. Despite him dry-humping my hand, I can't help but think that he's never looked this beautiful in our entire lives.

Needing him as soon as possible, my fingers fumble at his belt, pulling his jeans down. He takes initiative, sliding his dick out of his boxers and grabbing a condom from the pocket of his jeans. Fuck, he's big. I tentatively meet his hand, the feeling of his cock in my palm making me want him even more.

"Please." I practically beg.

His gaze his heavy on mine as my hand pumps his dick.

"Such a good girl for me, begging for my dick."

Conrad's hand comes to rest around my throat, and my thighs clench at the thought of him choking me. I nod at him, urging him to squeeze. When he does, I can't help the load moan that comes from me.

"Oh my god." He breathes out as I line his dick up with my entrance, the tip brushing against my folds.

"Are you sure?" Conrad asks as we both prepare to have him inside me.

"Always."

He pushes forward, his dick filling me up immediately, my eyes screwing shut from the feeling. He waits a second, allow both of us to adjust before he begins to move. I know that I won't last long, especially from coming so close when he was eating me out.

With him pumping in and out of me and his hand on my throat, Conrad dips his head to kiss me again. It's slow in contrast to his dick, feeling much more intimate than anything else we've done.

"You're it for me, Delaney."

When we both finish, Conrad slumps against me, face nuzzled into my neck. My arms are wrapped around his back, mine resting against the mirror.

'I've missed you." I hear him say, voice muffled as he strokes my hair.

"Yeah, me too. I feel like I got a piece of me back."

Conrad smiles at this, both of us not knowing what the future holds for us. All I know is I still love him as much as I did two years ago, when I confessed at the beach.

"Please don't walk away from me again."

"Never, baby."

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can we get a part 2 to gold rush pleeeeease

working on it! i'm gonna write another small thing before i jump into it again but i'm so glad you liked it omg

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sorry for fading into you. but it's kinda strange you never knew...?

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how often do you think about this picture of harry?

yes.

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gold rush | cole walter

cole walter x female mc

summary: gracie has never been in love. she thinks. though, the enigmatic cole walter seems to have invaded her thoughts and infected her in every sense. she's completely enamored. too bad every other girl is too.

word count: 3.5k

author's note: i thought we could have a little haley james tutor moment and it was so much fun to write

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

When we are little, our mothers always tell us to never stare at the sun. That the brightness is too much for our delicate irises. It's hard to imagine that something so essential to our lives can be just as harmful. We count on the sun to rise, as much as we count on it to set. It's a constant in our lives, the kind of thing that feels comforting because you know that no matter what, it will never leave.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

I startle as the bell pulls me from my thoughts, the ramblings of my calculus teacher going in one ear and out the other. Truly, I try to pay attention in class. But it's hard when he's sitting right there, not knowing. Not knowing that I would do anything to have the privilege of loving him.

I've always wondered what it must be like to grow up that beautiful. With the kind of hair that falls into place like dominoes and the kind of eyes that captivate a room. I've never been anything special. Not like Cole Walter. He's enigmatic, pulling everyone in and willing us to look in his direction.

Standing from my desk, I take my books into my arms and beeline for the lockers. I've got work after school, and we just got a new shipment in, meaning I get to spend my time reading the backs of the covers and creating a mental tbr. I force myself to forget Cole, hating how much of my thoughts he seems to consume when he barely knows my name.

Sure, we've been in class together since grade-school, but he's always hung around Dylan and Erin. Never me, not that I've even tried to be his friend. I'm not good at that kind of stuff. I much prefer to keep to myself, silently admiring him, because it's comfortable. He'll never know how much he consumes me, but that's okay. He doesn't need to. My crush on Cole Walter is as steady as the sun that rises each day. The sun never thinks about me, it just simply exists, and the rest of us revolve around it.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

The next week, my calculus teacher asks me to stay after class. To be completely honest, I was confused, since I was doing well in his class. I had even aced the last test.

"Gracie, I wanted to ask you a favor. I have a student who is really struggling in this class and I think that he would greatly benefit from your insights. Of course, you would get volunteer hours, but I was wondering if you could offer your time to tutor him?"

My brows furrow, Mr. Henry leaning against his desk, his arms crossed in front of him. I've tutored kids before, but it was always through the tutoring center at school. A teacher has never explicitly asked me to tutor one kid in one subject.

I don't really have the time, working at the bookstore, being on the volleyball team, and balancing my other courses. But I would hate to let Mr. Henry down, since he's one of my favorite teachers. And the people-pleaser in me can rarely find myself saying no. Which is why I nod, holding tightly onto the straps of my backpack.

"Yeah, of course. I'm free seventh period, so if you could just send him to the tutoring center then, that would be great."

Mr. Henry looks relieved, sending me a smile of approval.

"Perfect, thank you so much Gracie."

"Mhm." I nod as I begin to leave the classroom, "See ya, Mr. Henry."

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

I feel like a little kid again, like at any moment I'm going to be scolded for looking at the sun for too long. But it's kind of hard not to stare when none other than Cole Walter walked into the tutoring center.

He's holding a green slip of paper, his blond hair gracefully falling into place. A simple grey t-shirt clings to his torso, his tanned arms seeming to shine as if he wasn't even from this world. A smirk adorns his lips, as his eyes connect with mine. I swear I feel my heart stutter in my chest.

"Gracie?" He lifts the paper in my direction.

I don't know if I can do this. I don't want him to be real. I'm perfectly fine with him being a figment of my imagination, a projection of my personal life. He didn't know me. He didn't need to. We would graduate and my silly crush on Cole Walter would disappear as if it were a hummingbird in the spring. There one minute, gone the next. And I was okay with that. He was never supposed to be permanent. But I'm afraid that if I get to know him, one of two things will happen.

He is nothing like my brain has projected onto him, and this daydream of mine is inevitably ruined.

This crush of mine becomes something so permanent that I fear I will never be able to scrub it from my brain.

Either one sounds like hell.

I realize that I haven't responded yet, and Cole is giving me an odd look that I can't quite decipher.

"Oh yeah, hi." I scramble to say, standing up from the table and holding my hand out like an idiot.

Cole's eyes glance down at my hand before bouncing back up to my face. Reluctantly his palm slides against mine and he gives it a good shake before pulling away with a laugh.

"So formal."

He pulls the chair out next to mine, throwing his body into it and leaning over to reach into his backpack.

"Sorry." My cheeks heat with embarrassment as I sit back down.

His scent immediately intoxicates me, and I can't tell if it's cologne or just him. The woodsy notes fill my senses and I can't help but wonder if he knows how enamored everyone is by Cole Walter.

"So, Mr. Henry seems to think that I need some help with calculus. Can you help me, Gracie?"

I give him a soft smile, not daring to look him in the eyes. They're the most inviting waters, though I would hate to feel like a sinking ship.

"I suppose I could, Cole."

He pulls his last test out of his folder, sliding it in my direction for me to look it over.

"Do you tutor a lot?"

I hate the way that his voice fills me, making my whole body flush just from his proximity.

"Um, not as much anymore. I'm kind of busy recently."

My eyes scan over the pages of his test as I nervously tap my fingers against the fabric of my jeans. In all honesty, Cole has a pretty good grasp of the concepts, he just struggles with using them.

Cole's silent for a moment before speaking again.

"Hm. Busy with what?"

I ignore his question, finally pulling my eyes up to look at him.

"I think this is fixable. You're not bad at calculus, Cole. We just need to work on applying the stuff you already know."

I don't want Cole to know things about me because I don't want him to become real. The more distance I keep, the more comfortable I am. There nothing I would hate more than for him to realize that I'm just as obsessed with him as every other girl. It's pathetic, really, the way that he just pulls me in without even knowing.

But I don't want a gold rush. I want something real, tangible. Cole Walter is nothing more than the kind of hope that humans hold on to. It's too good to be true, and I would much rather be looking at it from a distance than get to close and realize that it's all been a lie that I've been telling myself.

Cole seems a little caught off guard with my deflection, his eyes flicking between mine as if deciding whether to call me out for it. He doesn't, going along with me instead.

"Sure. Teach me the art of integrals, Gracie."

I work with Cole on correcting his test for the next hour, determined to focus on something that makes sense to me. Calculus. When the hour hand of the clock reaches three, I write down a list of practice problems for Cole to work on at home.

"Alright, these are for you to work on, and we'll go over them at our next session, okay?"

I start to put my textbook into my bag, standing to leave.

"Okay," Cole draws out, still sitting at the table.

He looks like heaven sitting there, the evening light hitting his skin in an angelic way. It seems as if even the sun herself can't resist Cole Walter.

"Okay." I breath out, giving him a curt nod before leaving the room.

I feel as if I can finally breath again as I step into the parking lot, allowing the fresh air to fill my lungs and clear my head. Heading toward my green Jeep, I halt when I hear someone call my name. I turn around, hand pausing on the handle of the driver's door.

Cole is walking in my direction and I think for a moment that I forgot something at the table. When he reaches me, he leans his arm against the hood of my car, taking a moment to admire my biggest pride.

"Nice car." He gives me a smile that allows dimples to form at his cheeks, and there's something so human about it that it makes me dizzy.

"Thanks."

He doesn't say anything for a moment, and I turn my head to scan around the parking lot, confused.

"Did you need something?"

I probably sound like a bitch, but I have work at 3:30 and I don't want Mary to be upset with me.

"Oh, uh yeah. I can't do seventh period for our next tutoring session. Taking my sister to her football practice."

"Oh. Well I have volleyball in the morning and work after school- I can't really do any other time."

"You could come to my house after work?"

The question catches me so off guard that I swear I almost start to violently cough.

"I couldn't- I get off pretty late and I don't want to make you wait for me. We could just wait until next week."

Cole seems amused at my rambling, tilting his head while my eyes fight to look anywhere else but him.

"Nah, it's cool if you're okay with it. I really want to do good in calc. Here, give me your phone."

He holds his hand out and I don't even hesitate before putting the cream phone case into his palm. Cole adds his number to my phone, texting himself to set it up.

"Okay, just text me when you get off and I'll send you my address. See you tomorrow, tutor girl."

I feel like my body is frozen in place as he backs away, waving at me before getting into his truck.

Cole Walter just put his number in my phone. My. Phone. What the fuck.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

I think that my favorite thing about the sun is that it holds our entire solar system together. Its gravity is so magnetic that it keeps all of the planets orbiting around it in a constant rhythm.

It provides all possibility of life for us, while not harboring any of its own.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

The next day, I feel like my shift at the bookstore lasts a million years. Time moves slowly, inching by as I dread going to Cole's house. Like I said, I don't like that he's becoming real. And even worse, I hate that I almost like him more now that I've been around him. This is absolutely dreadful.

I hold my chin in my hand as I watch the minutes tick by, my body shielded by the register. Today's been pretty slow, though I did see a new paperback release from Emily Henry that has me wanting to buy it immediately. When it reaches 7:30, Mary wanders to the front, letting me off. My stomach drops with butterflies when the reality of seeing Cole Walter's life outside of school settles in. It feels wrong, in a way.

Reluctantly, I type out a message to Cole, praying that he remembered the fact that we were supposed to meet after I got off work.

Gracie: hey, it's gracie! i just got off work if we're still good for tutoring

Cole wastes no time sending me his address, about ten minutes away.

Cole: See ya soon, tutor girl ;)

I ignore the way that heat flushes my cheeks from his text and drive to his house, admiring the way that the sunset paints the sky with the final light of the day.

When I pull up to the ranch house, the pale yellow home seems to tell a story. The final streaks of light disappear beyond the tops of the aspen trees, and the moon peeks over the horizon. I text Cole to let him know that I'm here before grabbing my backpack and closing the door of my Jeep.

Cole meets me at the front door, swinging it open as I walk up the porch steps, the dark wood creaking beneath me. He flashes me a smile and I notice his eyes scan me up and down before settling on my face. I'm wearing a pair of baggy low rise jeans with a simple black tank top, a white pair of sneakers on my feet. My hair is in waves, the dark hair cascading to the middle of my back.

My lips lift softly in his direction, as he leans against the doorframe. He adorns a worn broncos shirt and a pair of grey sweats, looking so effortlessly beautiful. My hands clutch onto the straps of my bag as I stand in front of him, needing something to release the pent up nerves.

"Hey." I rock uncomfortably on my heels.

"Hey," he nods his head toward the house, "here, come on in."

I follow him inside, kicking off my shoes at the entrance before glancing around in the house. Warm wood encases the surfaces, the walls covered in photos and artwork. My home is nothing like this, almost sterile in comparison.

I hate how much more real it makes him feel.

Cole heads up the stair case and I follow, my eyes scanning each image, trying to understand how a family could have this many photos. He waits at the top, watching as I pause on a couple of the pictures, admiring the large smiles that grace the Walter boys as they grow.

"There's so many." I breath out at the top of the staircase, Cole twisting the handle of his door.

"Yeah, we get that a lot." Cole laughs.

"No I mean, there's so many pictures. I think my mom maybe has five pictures of me as a baby."

Cole gives me an odd look, and I realize that I just told him something real about me. It's something that I didn't realize was that weird until I started visiting my friend's houses growing up. That the parents saw their kids as their biggest accomplishments, rather than a burden to take care of until I move out. Though, I've never known anything different, so I don't think it really bothers me.

"Anyway," I work to change the subject, resting my backpack against the corner of his bed frame, "did you finish those problems?"

He doesn't say anything for a second, before internally shaking himself out of it and clearing his throat.

"Yeah, all except one. I didn't know where to start."

I nod, placing my textbook on the floor next to his bed and sliding myself to a sitting position, knees pulled to my chest.

"How was work?" Cole asks, handing me his problem sheet before laying on top of the bed, head close to mine.

"Slow. But we got in a new book I really want to read so that's fun."

Cole's head is next to mine as we both scan his paper, and I give him corrections as well as a starting point for the problem he was confused on. His proximity has my chest tightening, my whole body feeling like it's in fight or flight mode. I can feel his breath warm against me, his heat radiating like a phone you've been using too long.

I play with my fingernails as Cole works on the problem. It's so weird being in his room, seeing the posters he hung up as memories of his childhood. His fascinations and all the little things that make Cole Walter, Cole Walter.

"Done." I startle at his voice and the feeling of his arm as it brushes against my shoulder to hand me the paper.

My eyes catch on a bookshelf, filled with worn paperbacks.

"You like to read?"

I turn my head to catch Cole's eyes, and he's a lot closer than I expected, our faces merely inches apart.

"Yeah. Mostly just the shit that my dad buys for me at garage sales, though. Bet that's pretty funny since I'm kind of shit at school, huh, tutor girl."

I roll my eyes playfully, a smile involuntarily taking over my face.

"Okay, first of all, you're not shit as school, Cole. And second of all, stop calling me that."

"Or what?" His voice drops, shivers covering my spine.

I gulp, my mind racing to convince myself that this isn't real. It's another daydream that will disappear as soon as I wake myself up. Cole's too close, and he's looking at me in a way that I can't understand.

Gold rush, I remind myself. He's not real.

"How have we never talked before, Gracie?" His eyes don't leave mine.

The Sun, being a dynamic star, is constantly changing. At least, that's what NASA says. And I believe them for the most part. For so long, Cole has been this comfortable force in my life, something just out of reach, but always there. As much as I never want that to change, I can't help but think that this is worth the risk. Because just as the Sun, we are also constantly changing.

Cole is propped up by his elbow, his chest in my direction. His scent, as always, is intoxicating and now I'm certain that it's just him.

"I don't know. I guess I've always been too nervous." I confess.

"That's such bullshit. You're like a billion times more interesting than me."

"Cole. You have no idea the effect you have on people." I breath out, blinking slowly as he scans over my face.

Cole's head dips slightly, and he's suddenly close enough that if I were to lean slightly, we would be kissing. His hand reaches to my cheek, my breath catching at the soft touch.

"Gracie." He whispers.

All I can do is nod, answering the question he seemed to be asking.

He brushes his lips against mine, softly, before leaning in fully. And it doesn't feel quite real, that Cole Walter is kissing me. Eighteen years of life, eight of them spent consumed by him when I was so sure he didn't even know I existed. I'd dated, but Cole was always there, a place in my mind just for him.

My eyes flutter shut as I lean into his touch, our lips molded together in a dance. He increases the pressure, tilting my head back with his thumb against my jaw. Cole's tongue teases my lips, and they part to allow him access as he moans softly against my mouth.

I'd never felt like this before, not even with my ex-boyfriend who I had dated for two years. This felt electric, something so overwhelming that my whole body was on fire.

I pull away slightly, needing to remember that it's not real. When Cole goes to kiss me again, I tilt my head toward the floor.

"I- um. I should get going. I'll send you the practice test for the exam next week, okay?"

I stand up and swing my backpack over my shoulder, stepping toward his door and swinging it open.

Part of me feels bad, but I don't want to be another girl on Cole's roster. It's just another crack breaking through the delusion that I've been convincing myself of for years.

Cole's eyes are soft on mine when I raise my head to look at him again.

"Are you serious right now?"

"Yeah, I'll see you around, Cole."

I walk out, trying to keep my head held up until I climb inside my car. My forehead rests against the steering wheel as inevitable tears escape me.

It's best to let him go. I would hate to fall for him, only to be crushed when I reach reality. Because falling is magical until that final bone crush, when everything hits at once.

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