#which - okay; yes; that one has lyrics | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kaisentine · 13 days ago

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𝒲HAT IS THAT MELODY?

turn that shit up ! what popular song do bllk boys remind me of?

feat. michael kaiser, itoshi sae, mikage reo, itoshi rin, oliver aiku

note : YES… i did do research on what the songs’ meanings are and i understand some of them don’t fit as well but i’m also basing this off of certain lyrics as well so #don’tdiscriminate… also this has opened up my multi-character works 😁 expect more in the future LMFAO. also is this the right time to say i did not proofread

💿 MICHAEL KAISER is now playing… back to the basics by lana del rey (unreleased)

cw : uhm coercion (i think), implied toxic relationship (I LOVE KAISER DONT GET ME WRONG… but he’s still poopy anyway #keepingitreal☹️) + if you count that in, then there’s angst if you squint, thoughts of killing (JUST ONCE and it’s not serious, promise!)

“everybody’s saying that you’re no good for me”

it’s not hard to decipher you’re definitely in love with the star soccer player—michael kaiser. however, even with your rose-tinted glasses, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s still an asshole. so now it honestly feels like it’s you and him (probably ness too) v.s your friends. they just don’t understand the euphoria hidden behind all his lies. but God was it hard to handle him now that he’s a hotshot within the athletic world—it’s like when you try to speak to him, he starts spewing nonsense and even more lies to you.

“c’mon, hase.” his plea sounds more like demanding no matter how hard he tried to sound convincing. it’s weird seeing a man like him on his knees begging so you avert your gaze with your arms crossed. you know you’re doomed to give into him and his sweet-talk again—like you always do—kaiser knows that, he just needs to find which button to press to make you give in faster.

this time you’re taking longer than you normally do. he’s starting to get impatient by your little game of trying to get rid of him. “kaiser… we can’t keep doing this anymore.” you finally say, something kaiser didn’t expect you to say. “last name basis already, huh?” he gets up from his (very awkward) position to tower over you—to intimidate you.

you try to stand your ground but with the way he’s looking at you, is it too late to run away?

“i know what you’re trying to do. my friends keep telling me.” you’re stubborn, aren’t you? you’re annoying when you’re like this, he hates it. “and you’re really listening to your friends over your boyfriend?” he keeps trying to talk but you cut him off, “ex-boyfriend. please, don’t do this.” you’re the one begging now and he really wishes he could relish in this sight forever.

SLAM

holy shit, did you just slam the door on him? i’m going to die—you think. kaiser chuckles on your porch after being met with your front-door i’m going to kill you—he thinks.

the next few weeks are bombarded by countless messages from ness. who you are quite acquainted with him because of kaiser. all of them are along the lines of ‘trust me, he’s changed’ they’re all full of bullshit that you can smell it and scrunch your nose up in disgust. but as fate would have it, it wasn’t on your side!

“took ‘ya long enough, hase.” the sickly sweet nickname rolls off his tongue like second nature. it’s a very familiar scene, he’s on your doorstep again. he’s towering over you and your eyes are glossed over with admiration and guilt. “‘m really sorry.” you try not to sniffle to keep it cool. you really despise the way kaiser can’t keep his stupid grin off of his face at your weak attempt not to cry. “aw, it’s okay. but it’s gonna take a lot for me to forgive you.” he says in faux concern before pulling you into a hug—his cologne filling up your senses and making it hard to breathe.

the urge to punch him in the stomach is futile by the way he basically crushes your bones in the hug. oh you hate the way you can never get rid of him, oh you hate the way you give into him, oh you hate the way he’s the one wanting the apology when it’s actually you who deserves such privilege.

‘i hate you but i really just hate the way i love you too much to let go.’

because eventually, you know you’ll always fall into his traps no matter how far you run away. however, the only thing on your mind is how you’ll never hear the end of it from your friends.

💿 ITOSHI SAE is now playing… no one noticed by the marias

cw : angst, hurt/little to no comfort (guys… please don’t burn me), OK but open-ending, uh sae might be a really super big asshole here, i also realized at the end that 7 weeks and 3 days by yungatita would’ve been better but YOLO

“come on, don’t leave me, it can’t be that easy, babe.”

as much as you’d like to make him stay, you know he wouldn’t. he wanted to be as free as a bird in the sky with no restraints—including a relationship. even after promising one day he’d come back, reassuring you that you’ll always be his answer, he then left without a trace. now you’re just starting to realize letting go is easier than it seems until the problem arises once again.

you know he already told you that he’d come back but why only now does he decide to show up? a lover of yours to whom you vowed to never love another before his return. it’s just been so long that you doubt he evens remembers the promise.

“didn’t think you’d actually turn up.” you spit out, he isn’t even phased by the malice in your tone. “i told you i would, didn’t i?” he responds. “yeah but that was like ten fucking years ago?” you emphasize the ten fucking years because seriously, ten years radio silence and he thinks he can just slide back into you life like that? he must be a crazed man.

for the first three years of those ten, you were content with waiting for him. the fourth and fifth, you began growing impatient. sixth, you felt like you didn’t care anymore. from the seventh to ninth year, you swore you hated him with a dagger aimed to your heart. lastly, on the tenth year (on which he decided to show up), you finally accepted he did not give a shit and that you shouldn’t either.

“i needed to prioritize my career before i could support any of my relationships.” he now sounds confused by the way you’re so upset at this situation.

he used the ten years you took to realize that dwelling on some dumb red-head wasn’t worth it to work on his soccer career? “you could’ve texted.” you retorted. “didn’t have the time to.” your jaw actually wants to drop by how ignorant his response is. he’s talking to the person he ghosted for a decade like this?

you’d like to joke around and say ‘damn sae, you’re just like an ex who slides back into your life’ but it isn’t a joke—not with him, at least. “didn’t have time to? it would’ve been better if you never had the time to. just let us go, itoshi.” the way you say his last name is deadly. he’s already been bitten by a snake once before so he knows he can survive your bite.

does he even know how much you sacrificed? did he put two and two together to realize how much he made an impact to you? so much so that at one point, anything would’ve reminded you of him.

“you’re being emotional, talk to me when you aren’t.” he says as if he wasn’t the one who started the conversation—the nerve!

“my number is the same but change the last digit to 8.” and off he goes, removing himself from your life like always.

the way you’re quietly dialing the phone that night completely destroys everything you worked for—like you’re crumbling down just for the thought that he might pick up.

💿 MIKAGE REO is now playing… show me how by men i trust

cw : guys it’s getting too angsty for me i might cry, still a lil angst and neglect but it’s not that bad 😭, i acc wrote this one last bc i didn’t know which song to use for him (my first option was shameless by avenoir), when i was writing this… i was thinking abt melania and trump’s relationship (WE LISTEN AND WE DON’T JUDGE.), reader eats meat… anyway… so this is significantly worse than everyone elses so uhm, cliff hanger who!

“show me how you care.”

everyone keeps commenting on how lucky you are that you managed to bag a billionaire’s son and you say thanks! because that’s how you should respond. but dear God, does he even know anything about you anymore? being in a chokehold relationship with mikage corp’s heir isn’t too hard until you start questioning reo’s love for you. yeah he’s shown you how he loves you but you need more words instead of actions and a credit card.

“reo, can we talk?” you ask the purple-haired male while he’s hard at work at his desk. “i’m a bit busy right now. we can talk later, yeah? go out and use my card as an apology.” he hums before returning his vision back to whatever he was doing. it’s the typical response you were expecting but you didn’t want to use his money—you wanted to talk.

you’ve already exited the room to go to the mall anyway. you’re left eating alone at some restaurant with shopping bags being used as your excuse for some company. the steak you ordered is bland like the way reo hugs you. his touches feel empty now, every time you go to hold his hand, he doesn’t flat out reject it but he doesn’t squeeze your hand the same way you do—the same way he used to.

one thing about reo is that it seems like he hates communication and in his world, the only way he knows how to say sorry is his credit card.

he doesn’t care, does he?

when you get back to his place, he acts like he doesn’t remember the way you said that you wanted to talk. he keeps trying to put off that talk for as long as he can. it’s gotten to the point you have that stupid look on your face—cheeks being slightly puffed out with your eyebrows furrowed. reo hates the look on your face so he approaches you with caution.

“you good?” he asks but you don’t respond. “need a hug?” he just keeps talking to the point you feel like something is boiling in your head. you shake your head to say no because you’ve started to dislike his emotionless hugs—feels like you’re hugging a log with brittle twigs. how would he feel like if you gave him the same treatment he’s given you? although, it is a bit more serious because you aren’t speaking to him at all.

his time will come where you grace him with your voice one again but that’s only when he actually asks you to talk to him! in his invisible diary, he write ‘it’s been 3 days since they’ve spoken to me, i can’t see through my right eye…’ sure he’s being more than overdramatic but he can’t figure out why you’re giving him the silent treatment.

oh but little did you know, he remembers that you did want to speak with him…

“can you just speak to me, please?” the way he says please is intoxicating to you. you’re waiting.

“fine. let’s have that talk.”

💿 ITOSHI RIN is now playing… lovers rock by tv girl

cw : unrequited love, angst, reader should go to r/aita 😭, uh kissing, this one is longer but rin isn’t even in my favs 😭

“because love can burn like a cigarette”

and it only hurts because you know you can’t have him. you’d love to kiss him right now but you understand that if you do then your whole life would probably blow up into a million pieces. it hurts so much that even if your life blows up, it wouldn’t matter. can it hurt that much to just kiss him? yes.

“oh he totally likes you!” you giggle at your friend’s flushed face after an encounter with her longterm crush—itoshi rin. she tries to shut you up in a joking manner but manages to only do so after she confesses something. “didn’t i tell you?” she asks which makes you raise an eyebrow. “tell me what?”

“…he does like me.”

wow, an arrow straight to the heart much? your expression of gloom is soon masked by raw surprise. “really?! when did that happen?” you force out a smile—to your credit, you were genuinely surprised by such because never once had she mentioned it before. “last week.” she sounds guilty, the type of guilty you’d only show your friends if you forgot to mention that you got married.

little did she know, you also had your eyes on the raven-haired man for quite some time now too. “ooh girl i’m hurt,” you start with it off with faking a shot to the heart and she laughs. “should’ve told me earlier!’ you almost fall to the ground for the effects (and also because your knees feel weak in sorrow) but refrain from doing so. “sorry, sorry! come to my house this saturday, i’ll introduce you!” she says before quickly running off to wherever.

“sure.” you whisper. walking to the nearby bathroom feels more like you’re dragging yourself to it. you can’t bring yourself to muster up the tears to cry over heartbreak because she really didn’t know you also liked rin. but the way you couldn’t even cry because now you’d feel like the asshole? you hated her.

you dreaded going to her house that saturday.

sadly, time stops for no one and now you’re here sitting in your friend’s room with rin all alone because she needed to help her mom with dinner. it wasn’t a crime to yearn for someone you couldn’t have but being with the someone you couldn’t have? someone bring you to jail already.

it’s quite awkward in the room due to the silence and both of you choosing to not speak. but being a chatterbox such as yourself, you’d soon come to regret it. “so… whats up?” you ask with caution. “nothing much. i only agreed to come because my soccer training was canceled.” he answers. you nod at his words—he looks really peaceful right now.

his black hair draping down his face, striking eyes bringing emphasis to his bottom lashes… his nonchalant expression. it’s just too much for you.

across the room.

you’re across the room from him and you hate the distance. all you know is that they both like each-other—nothing more—no labels—no launches. would doing something now really hurt more than how you’re hurting right now?

it’s quick. you were quick on your feet to get over to him, you were quick to bend down to where he was resting his back on your friend’s bed, you were quick to close the space, you were quick to move away.

rin is bewildered by your actions with no words to say. “sorry!” you apologize as fast as you dash out of the room—leaving him sitting there to question his thoughts, bringing a finger up to his lips—did his mu’s bestfriend just steal his first kiss?

“where are you going?” your friend’s mom asks aloud when she sees you dashing to the front-door. “my mom called! emergency! say that i said sorry!” those were the words you spoke before booking it out the front door.

later, when your friend comes out of the bathroom to question her mom what the commotion was all about, she just says that you had an emergency—she frowns because she really wanted you to try her cooking. after dinner, she brings rin back up to her room. just like you did hours before, she advances her moves to hover her face right above his—to give him a kiss, just like you, albeit, it’s longer and more drawn-out unlike yours.

“you’re my first kiss.” he mutters out.

💿 OLIVER AIKU is now playing… why’d you only ever call me when you’re high? by artic monkeys

cw : SITUATIONSHIP (bleuhhh), somewhat suggestive..? (idk but be wary cause idk how to write him w/o making it smth like that), angst, aiku is an asshole (BRO everyone is an asshole here i’m crying), mention of drugs

“why’d you only ever call me when you’re high?”

your lame situationship loves calling you late at night after getting with another girl and now you’ve grown to hate when he calls you but you just can’t stop picking up his calls.

you’re jolted up awake once you hear that fuck-ass ringtone coming from behind your pillow. the screen is bright so you have to squint really hard to see what was going on, you’re on your way to decline the call when you see his name pop up but your hand slips (!) and you swipe the call. “oliver, it’s three in the morning.” you groggily complain only to be met with heavy breathing on the other end.

“oh don’t even. call me when you’re done.” you gasp, then end the call. you throw your phone to the end of your bed and slam yourself back down onto your mattress. does that man ever catch a break? why do you even like him. it’s not like you guys are really anything else so is it really worth it to hang on and only hope for something you know you won’t get in return?

you probably get a good two hour nap before you’re awoken by another phone call. “you done?” you ask, more awake now since it’s 5AM already. “hi. yeah.” his voice reverberates along his bathroom walls—he’s gross, isn’t he? “you’re gonna make me pick up another phone call just to say that?” you sound irritated, and you are because it’s such a hassle to keep up with him like this.

“dunno, just wanted to hear your voice.” he replies in a wobbly voice. is he high again? “…are you high?” you ask in concern as if this wasn’t his 54th time calling after smoking something. “maybe.” he says. “you’re hopeless. you should go to rehab, you know?” you snake your way into his mind but it’s stupid to think he can even comprehend what you’re telling him right now.

“nah, i got better things to do, ‘ya know?” he chuckles at your pitiful attempt to help him get better. he knows you know that he isn’t keen on doing such—not anymore, at least. he’s content with his life as it is. “can i…” you breathe, “can i ask you something?” you finish. “what’s up?” he’s being as attentive as he can be through this state, he trying his best.

you hate the way how out of it he sounds, yet he’s still trying to hear you out. “do you still want this?” it’s like you had something get lifted off your chest only for it to get dropped on your head instead. “want what?” great, he doesn’t understand your question. not wanting to give this opportunity up, you rephrase it. “i meant, do you still want me?”

the other line is silent for a while. “sure, i still want you.” he responds. “so stop calling me when you’re high or you’re with another girl.” you winced at your own words. he’s really taking advantage of the way you understand that you guys aren’t anything more than a “oh, it’s complicated” type of relationship and that you guys are technically still allowed to see other people—but he’s the only one actually using it.

“let me ask you this. do you still want us?”

you loathe him but you can’t help but reply with i do.

“so don’t complain about my calls.”

thank you for reading this far :)

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nervoussagittarius · 10 months ago

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which triplet is most likely to ft. matts girlfriend y/n!

matt sturniolo x reader

summary: matt invites his girlfriend to a car video with nostalgic vibes

warnings: none :)

you were sitting in the passenger seat of the minivan, you're normal spot when you were driving with the triplets. this time though, a camera sat in front of you on the dash of their car.

being home with the boys in boston was still something you were getting used to. your boyfriend matt had spent a big part of the day taking you around all the iconic spots in the city. the boys had asked you earlier in the if you wanted to participate in a video. you, of course, said yes.

your relationship was no secret to the world. you guys have been together for a couple years, and you had been featured in many og videos.

"gotta turn the world into a dance floor" chris sang, as matt got into the car. he pointed at you to finish the lyric

with a roll of your eyes, "determinate d-determinate" you sang back.

matt and nick looked at the both of you. one in anticipation of you guys to keep singing, and the other in anticipation of starting the video.

nick cut all of you off quickly to intro the video. "hey guys! welcome back to the fridays video"

"today we have a very special guest, drumroll please, my girlfriend y/n" matt said as he looked at you with a stupid smile on his face.

"hi guys! im back" you replied looking at the camera.

chris started from the backseat, "if you're new here, y/n has been in a bunch of our old videos, and were bringing her back to see her take on 'who's most likely to'"

"we've done this before but we figured y/n could give you guys an outside perspective” matt said as he looked at the camera.

“i’m giving y’all the dirt. we’re getting deep… i- okay” the boys laughed at you while nick pulled up the first question.

“okay, which triplet is most likely to get mad at another for chewing to loud?” nick asked as you immediately looked between the camera and matt.

“we already know the answer because the viewers have seen this happen multiple times”

“yeah, i have to say it’s matt. i’m so sorry for coming at you first honey” you said in between giggles as matt rolled his eyes.

“i disagree. i don’t think i’m most likely to do that”

“matt! we’ve witnessed it bro. you can’t say it’s not you when it is. either way it’s a who’s most likely to question not who’s actually doing it! but you’re actually doing it. good god” nick exclaimed.

the car was packed with laughter as nick went in his tangent. you all calmed down as nick asked the next question.

“who’s most likely to not be able to sleep alone”

“all of you.”

“what!?” “no way!” “that’s not even true”

“no it’s so true” you responded to there complaints. “let me explain. nick is probably the least likely. he’s okay sleeping alone i just feel like people come to him the most to sleep with him so he’s used to sleeping with other people.”

“that’s very true. people are always in my bed” nick said giving the camera a little wink.

“matt and chris need to have someone with them at all times. chris can’t sleep in the same place for more then a night. he’s always sleeping everywhere but his own bed. and matt texts me at least once a week that i need to come over and sleep in his bed with him because he can’t fall asleep.”

“let me just clarify,” matt started, “i can sleep alone. i would rather have my girlfriend with me though. and that’s okay. that’s fine”

“yeah and i just don’t like being alone.” chris defended.

a few more questions were answered before you guys decided to call it quits for the night.

matt grabbed the camera off the dash pointing it at you. you smiled and put up a peace sign.

“look at how cute she is” matt said as he put his hand on your cheek.

“alright matt, end the video”

matt screamed in the camera quickly ending the video.

comments:

i can’t get over how beautiful matt and y/n are together

i need someone to look at me the way matt looks at y/n

i love nostalgic boston videos

petition to bring y/n back on the channel more.

an: this kinda sucks because half of it was deleted when i tried to save it to my drafts and i don’t really like it but y’all wanted a matt fic. first part of the matt series will hopefully be up soon🤍

#matt sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo imagine #matt x reader #sturniolo fanfic

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sweetiecutie · 3 months ago

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Warnings: fluff, a bit of smut (mention of tits:3)

I recommend reading part 1 firstly<3

Loser!Metalhead!König who is completely and utterly smitten by you. You, a pretty little thing, big doe eyes looking up at him adoringly, glossed lips kissing him so softly - you make his very bones melt. König is known for his sharp tongue and stoic demeanour, but with his girl he turns into a little teddy bear, all soft and putty and pliant in your hands.

Needless to say that this is Loser!Metalhead!König’s first ever relationship (and he hopes last one - ain’t no way he’s letting you go), so he’s a bit clueless. Not a bit. Okay he’s completely oblivious. I mean, König for sure knows some very basic concepts of relationships, some of them he feels intuitively, some he saw displayed in movies, but in general? You have to give him crystal clear instructions and explanations because this dude doesn’t get damn hints. Yes, it is okay that he holds your hand in public, that’s what you’ve been waiting for months actually. No he can’t punch a guy for smiling at you after you met eyes for a second.

Loser!Metalhead!König who is a member and co-founder of a small heavy metal band with two of his other loser friends, where he is a drummer. They 100% put way too much meaning into band’s name, lyrics and overall aesthetic meanwhile all of their music is about gore and being a hater. It still slaps tho.

They start low - as all music bands do - performing in local rock clubs, soon finding their small, yet loyal audience which grows bigger with time and new records. And even though you’re not actually participating in process of making music - you sure are a member. Those losers surely don’t know how to give interviews - here comes in old little you, answering questions and explaining meaning and inspirations behind songs, process of their creation. Obviously you are the one leading their socials too - before you stepped in their insta page looked more like a mock account filled with ugly ass photos and near to no information about band nor members, account’s description saying “Austria - we make music”

You’re also the one doing their stage makeup, drawing creepy patterns in black and white face paints, making them look actually cool. These losers can’t even do their own significant makeup by themselves - just smearing black paint all over their faces and proudly calling it a stage look smh

Loser!Metalhead!König who definitely practices his singing while showering. He claims it’s good for keeping his voice cords active, “not letting them get rusty”, but just imagine this - you’re getting ready for bed, doing skincare, making your shared bed and fluffing up the pillows, scrolling in your phone - all while devil’s screeching and howling comes from the bathroom, all because that hulk of a man practices screaming techniques.

The more their band gets popular - the more fans start to rave about dynamic of your relationship. Big, burly, 6’10 brute who has to tilt his head down and draw his shoulders together in order to get through a doorframe dating a bubbly princess of a girl like you. Two polar opposites who work out so good together, Mick Thompson and Stacy Riley vibes frfr (god when will it be me)

Loser!Metalhead!König who definitely mansplains all his favourite bands’ lore to you, giving information about every member, how they became popular, what are their most known songs are (and what they got cancelled for but we don’t talk about it okay?)

Loser!Metalhead!König who is still a fucking loser tho. He blushes and stutters every time he sees your tits, his palms getting sweaty, lips ajar as his widened eyes are glued to your exposed chest, Adam’s apple bobbing on his neck. Has he seen them dozens of times before? Yes. Will he ever not be impressed by your tits upon seeing them? Hell no.

A/n: not me dropping this off after a year of not writing and then disappearing again:3

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chahnniesroom · 7 months ago

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some loves

pairing: bang chan x female reader

summary: some loves are too hard to bear. years after being trainees together, chan still thinks of you all the time. he has no idea that a collaboration would lead him back to you.

word count: 6.9k

tags/warnings: reader is an independent singer/songwriter, hurt/comfort, angst, mentions of past injuries, a little bit of jealousy, i am still in denial that chan doesn't do lives anymore, hongjoong from ateez is in this fic

read it on ao3 | masterlist

a/n: once again, sorry for the long time between posts. disclaimer that i do not know much about how the music/idol industry works and i did not really do much research. also i'm not an atiny so sorry if my portrayal of hongjoong is not realistic at all. also also i did a lot of the writing on a new tablet doing handwriting with a stylus to text so please forgive any typos or weird formatting! i didn't have a chance to edit much so i may have missed some things.

Chan’s in his studio when he gets the call. At first, he doesn’t even realise his phone is ringing. It’s 2am on a weekday and he’s been working away for a few hours so the rest of the world has just about faded into the background.

He’s both surprised and intrigued when he looks at the caller ID and sees Hongjoong’s name. Chan would consider Hongjoong to be a friend, but they’re not particularly close and he can’t think of a reason that would warrant this late night call.

“Hey hyung,” Hongjoong greets him briefly before getting straight to the point. “What’s your schedule like in the next few months?”

“It’s actually not too bad,” Chan replies after a moment of thought. “We’re just finalising all the music for the next album so it’ll be a bit of time before we get busy with recording and filming for the comeback. What’s up?”

“You don’t have the answer now and I don’t want you to feel any pressure at all, but would you be interested in doing a collab together?”

“A collab?” Chan repeats. “Like, ATEEZ and Stray Kids?”

“We could,” Hongjoong says reluctantly. “But actually, if you’re up for it then I was thinking more like just you and me. I have a couple tracks that we could work off of and I’ve roped in someone to help me with recording, engineering, and production.”

“Who?” Chan asks, interest piqued.

“Not sure if you’ve heard of them, they go by the name HALLA.”

Chan recognises the name instantly. When Chan had first stumbled upon HALLA one late night scrolling and listening to different independent artists, they seemed relatively unknown. However, a little research revealed that they had KOMCA credits on a number of songs for idol groups, some of which had become widely popular. Their personal work was a variety of genres and a majority of the tracks didn’t have vocals, but the ones that did had clever or thoughtful lyrics. There were a couple of different voices featured in the original songs, both of which were smooth and melodic. HALLA has a style that Chan thinks would complement Stray Kids and he’s considered reaching out to them a few times, but was always held back by something.

There was little about HALLA posted on the internet and while Chan definitely appreciates their privacy, he’s curious to meet the person behind all the songs that he enjoyed. There’s just something familiar about all their music that he can’t quite place, something that he wants more of.

“I’m in,” Chan agrees.

“You can take some time to think about it, talk to JYPE to see what their thoughts are too.”

“No need, I’m interested and I know I can convince management to support this.”

“Well that was easy,” Hongjoong says and Chan can basically hear him grinning through the phone. “And for my own pride, I’m going to pretend that you said yes the second I suggested the collab instead of when I mentioned HALLA-ssi.” Chan instantly flushes and is glad that Hongjoong can’t see him over the phone.

“It wasn’t-” Chan begins to protest.

“It’s okay,” Hongjoong interrupts. “I’m also pretty thrilled to get to work with them, so I understand. Didn’t realise you were familiar with their work, but I guess a hidden gem like them can’t stay hidden for long. I’ll send some files over to you and we can organise a time to work.”

—

Chan finds it easy to work with Hongjoong and they make quick progress on the song, writing lyrics and creating a guide within a couple of weeks. Before he knows it, they’ve scheduled a time for Chan to visit KQ Entertainment to record vocals. Hongjoong knows that Chan is keen to be involved in the production and arrangement of the song too, so they also have a couple sessions booked for that, although Hongjoong teases him relentlessly about just wanting to work with HALLA. The worst part is that Chan can’t even deny it.

Hongjoong meets him at the entrance of KQ Entertainment and quickly takes him through security.

“HALLA-ssi is already in the studio,” Hongjoong explains as they wait for the elevator to arrive. “I was getting input on a track that’s been killing me for the past few days.”

“Did they help?” Chan asks, a little surprised that HALLA is involved in more than just this collaboration. He still hasn't had a chance to connect with them other than quick introductions through text a couple of days ago and he's just as excited to meet them as initially.

“Yeah!” Hongjoong grins, eyes curving into little crescents. “HALLA-ssi is amazing. She only had listen to it a couple times before she came up with suggestions on a few different ways to fix the part that I hated. I left her to finish cleaning the song up and then it’s basically ready for review.”

“How did you start working with HALLA-ssi? I’ve been meaning to try to connect with her.”

“It was actually a friend that suggested working with her. For someone who isn’t signed with a label- which I don’t know how nobody has signed her yet- she’s surprisingly well connected within the industry. I’m sure that KQ would be more than happy to have her work with us, but when I hinted at that, she didn’t seem interested.”

“Really?” Although KQ Entertainment is still one of the smaller companies in the industry, most unsigned artists would still jump at the chance to work there since they have a good reputation, especially due to ATEEZ’s popularity.

“I haven’t poked too much, it’s not really my business. I thought I might as well try. I just know that she’s amazing at her job and I’m grateful that I get to work with her at all.”

They turn the corner to the hallway that leads to the recording studio. The door is ajar and Hongjoong opens it, waving his arm forward to allow Chan to walk through first, before following closely behind.

HALLA’s sitting at the desk and the second Chan sees her face, he stops in his tracks.

“Y/n,” Chan breathes.

You look up, startled, and your eyes connect for a split second before Hongjoong crashes into Chan, sending them both tumbling to the ground.

“Hyung,” Hongjoong complains, unaware of Chan’s inner turmoil. “Why’d you stop?”

Chan lets out an apologetic wheeze from where he’s now trapped under Hongjoong, before resting his forehead against the ground. He needs a second to recover.

It feels like a punch to the gut to see you in front of the recording studio’s computer, fiddling with a track. You look different, but somehow it feels like Chan has been transported right back to his trainee days and all that time that the two of you had spent side by side.

It has been years since Chan last saw you. He had found out that you had left JYPE just months after Stray Kids officially debuted, but all efforts to track you down had been futile. You had changed your number and broken contact with all the other trainees. He had asked around a little bit, but everyone he talked to had been unusually cagey about the subject.

Suddenly, everything makes more sense, especially the little that he knows about HALLA.

As trainees, Chan’s favourite moments had been when you had regaled him with stories of growing up on Jeju Island. The two of you had connected early on through your shared love of the ocean. You had promised him that if he ever went to visit in his free time, you would take him on the best trails up to the Hallasan, the shield volcano, and show him incredible views from the highest point on the island. Occasionally, your parents would send you care packages and the two of you would open them hidden away in one of the vocal practice rooms, the sweet citrus of hallabong exploding in your mouths.

You had always spoken about Jeju Island so fondly, of course you would find a way to indirectly pay homage through the stage name that you chose.

“Oppa,” your voice rings out in the silence of the room. Now, Chan knows why the female voice on some of HALLA’s songs had always seemed hauntingly familiar. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” both Chan and Hongjoong say at the same time, then make eye contact with identical confused expressions.

“Hongjoong-ssi, you didn’t mention that the person you wanted to feature on the track was Channie-oppa,” you say, making it clear who you were addressing your concern to earlier.

“It was supposed to be a surprise!” Hongjoong gets up slowly, dusting off his clothes and scratching at the back of his head, still looking bewildered. “I had no idea that you two knew each other, hyung mentioned he hadn’t worked with you before.”

Chan stays quiet, not sure how much you’re willing to share. Hongjoong must not know about your time with JYPE if he can’t piece together how the two of you could have met.

“Oh- I used to- We trained together back in the day,” you explain sheepishly. “I was with JYPE for a little while and all the trainees knew who Channie-oppa was. That was a long time ago though, I didn’t use the name HALLA back then.”

The five years that you trained at JYPE are more than a little while, but Chan forces himself to bite his tongue at your deliberate understatement. You don’t elaborate further and while it’s obvious that Hongjoong isn’t satisfied with your answer, he’s willing to drop the topic for now. You look relieved when he switches the subject to the song.

The three of you finish recording quickly. It shouldn’t be a surprise, the work so far with Hongjoong has been smooth so adding you to the mix has just made things easier, but Chan knows he’s a perfectionist and it often takes him an almost embarrassing number of takes before he’s satisfied. The only delay comes when Hongjoong decides he wants you to sing some of the backing vocals and resorts to actually getting on his knees and begging. Chan doesn’t go so far, but he can’t help but agree that your voice blends with the song perfectly. Of course, he also just wants to hear you sing.

You relent when Chan quietly voices his agreement and it really shouldn't make Chan feel as smug as it does.

It’s not even early enough for dinner when things are wrapped up. Chan is usually eager to finish a schedule early, but he’s reluctant to leave, taking his time packing up his belongings.

Finally, he doesn’t have a reason to stay any longer so he musters up the courage to ask.

“Do you guys want to go grab some coffee or something to eat?”

You and Hongjoong make eye contact before turning to look at Chan guiltily. His stomach churns for some reason.

“I’m sorry,” you wince. “I actually promised to help Hongjoong-ssi with an ATEEZ song and we need to go over the edits that I made before his meeting with the company later today.”

“Oh,” Chan replies, feeling a little relieved. “Right, no yeah I get it. Hongjoong actually mentioned that earlier, but I forgot. My bad.”

You offer an apologetic smile before turning to the computer, opening up a file.

“I’ll see you guys next time, then,” Chan says, starting to back out of the room.

“Of course! Thank you for your hard work and good job today!” you say brightly. Looking distracted, Hongjoong mumbles an agreement and waves goodbye. Unlike you, he’s not staring at the computer monitor though. Instead, his focus is solely on you. Even from his side profile, Chan can tell that he’s enamoured.

Honestly, Chan can’t really blame him, you look comfortable and confident, swallowed up in an oversized hoodie as you start explaining the alterations that you made to the track. Your voice is calm, but warm and you’re careful to start off by complimenting the work that Hongjoong had done previously.

Chan leaves, resolutely ignoring the twisted feeling that’s back with a vengeance and any thoughts of what the cause might be.

—

Chan can’t sleep. His thoughts are all about you, what you’ve been doing the past few years, what happened to you at JYPE that made you leave, and mostly trying to remember how and why your relationship with him slowly fell apart.

That’s the hardest part. In the darkest time of his life, when Chan had been discouraged and disheartened, you had joined JYPE with a brightness and enthusiasm that gave Chan the motivation to continue being a trainee. He had adored you. He still does.

In those last few months before the survival show had been filmed, Chan’s relationship with you had gone from being everything to nothing. It happened in the blink of an eye, and Chan had never understood what caused you to withdraw so quickly and thoroughly. The two of you had gone from spending almost all of your free time together to you avoiding him at the company, pretending not to hear when he called out your name or tried to get your attention.

The regret of letting you slip away has always eaten away at him, but now more than ever.

Of course, at the time it hadn’t felt so simple. The survival show was Chan’s first serious chance to debut, and not just that, but the weight of having eight other people’s careers depending on his leadership took a toll on all his other relationships. Your absence in his life still hurt, but Chan had lots of practice losing people. He had coped in the way that worked best in the past, throwing himself headlong into producing, training, anything to keep himself from wallowing in his feelings.

Chan doesn’t have any schedules for today, but he still heads to the company. He knows this isn’t the healthiest way to deal with things, but he doesn’t know anything else.

When he arrives, Chan just barely manages to catch a glimpse of a few familiar faces. He calls out before he can think better of it, jogging slightly to catch up. Sana, Momo, and Mina watch curiously as he approaches. He knows that Twice also aren’t in a busy period of the year, so he doesn’t feel guilty delaying them.

“Sorry to bother you all. Sana-noona, I was just wondering if we could chat?”

Sana makes brief eye contact with the rest of the girls before agreeing and waving them to go ahead of her. She follows behind Chan as he leads them into his studio, clearly interested in determining the reason behind this atypical meet up.

“What’s up, Channie?” she asks once the door is closed behind them.

Chan tries to think of the best way to start, not wanting to just outright ask, but not knowing how to subtly steer the conversation into the right direction. Finally, he abandons trying to be casual and just blurts out, “Do you remember Y/n?”

“Of course I do,” Sana says, sounding amused at the sudden mention of you. “You both had reputations for being veteran trainees. I mean, other than Jihyo.”

“I was always surprised that she never debuted,” Chan admits. “I just thought it would happen eventually and I was so shocked to find out that she had left. I didn’t- I don’t understand why she gave up on something she wanted so badly.”

“Give up?” Sana asks, sounding like she’s offended on your behalf. “Why would you say it like that?”

“What do you mean? It was like she was there one day and gone the next, I just assumed that she had enough and quit. Nobody seemed to know anything about it. I never found out why and it’s been kind of killing me.”

“You didn’t hear what happened?”

“What- something happened? To her?” Chan swallows hard, suddenly feeling unwell.

“It- I thought that you of all people would know-”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, but- you never talked to her about it? You knew her better than any of us.”

“Noona, I didn’t know that she was gone until months later. She obviously didn’t want to talk about it to me, I never reached out at first. When I finally did, her number had been changed. What was I supposed to do?”

“I- It’s better if you were to hear it from her. I don’t know the full story and you know how things can be distorted through gossip. And you especially must know how dangerous that can be.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You really have no clue? The two of you were inseparable…”

“Please,” Chan pleads.

“You know how it is in the industry, you were so close, of course there were rumours…”

It suddenly clicks.

“But we were just friends! And the dating ban-”

“Chan, you know nobody actually sticks to those, right?”

“But really, we were never-”

“I believe you,” Sana says, carefully. “But you know that to management that it doesn’t really matter whether or not anything was actually going on. To them it’s all about the optics. A perceived relationship is just as dangerous as an actual one.”

“Management…” Chan repeats, his mind racing. “They never mentioned anything to me though.”

“You never found it suspicious? You two are extremely close and out of the blue she suddenly stops talking to you, then right after the two of you stop hanging out, you’re chosen for the survival show? Someone must have talked to her at some point. Maybe not management, but for sure someone.”

“You think that’s why it took so long for me to debut?” Chan asks, even though he already knows the answer.

“It was a liability,” Sana explains. “To have a dating scandal so early on? Neither of your careers would survive. It’s painful and a terrible part of the industry but it’s true.”

“And.. Why she left, you know about that too?” Chan pleads.

“I think I’ve said too much already. I know that it’s hard, but some things are really personal.” She pauses for a moment. “What brought this on, anyway? You haven’t mentioned Y/nnie in years.”

“I can’t say much, but I- I saw her today, got to talk to her, found out what she’s been up to.” Sana gasps. Chan continues. “It was so weird to see her after so long. In the back of my mind, I had always wondered, but…”

“I’m glad that you two got to reconnect,” Sana says gently. “The two of you cared about each other a lot, that much was obvious. Talk to her, I think at the very least you’ll be able to find peace about what happened.”

“Noona-” Chan reaches out and pulls Sana into a tight hug. “Thank you for telling me. I appreciate it.”

“Of course. I’m sorry that it took so long for you to find out.”

—

A few days later, Hongjoong schedules another session to work on the song. Leading up to it, Chan is both looking forward to it and nervous, not sure what to expect. Although he still really wants to know what happened to you all those years ago, he’s scared about what he might learn and any part he might have had in it.

After a sleepless night, he ends up arriving almost 15 minutes early. This time, Hongjoong isn’t waiting at the building’s entrance. Instead he had let him know a few days before that Chan could just sign himself in and had sent him the name and location of the studio that was booked. When Chan reaches it, he can make out conversation from inside.

“HALLA,” Hongjoong can be heard through the studio doors, which aren’t fully shut. His tone is petulant and much more casual than it was previously. Chan wonders how much time the two of you have spent together between then and now and he almost misses the next thing that Hongjoong says. “You never told me that you were a trainee before.”

That stops Chan in his tracks, interested in how you’ll respond.

“It was a long time ago.” Your voice is faint. You’re still nice, but Chan can tell that your voice is stiffer than usual. “It doesn’t really matter now.”

This time, Hongjoong doesn’t let it go.

“What happened?” he prods.

“Just drop it,” you warn him. “It’s the past, forget I told you in the first place. Nothing ever came of it anyway.”

“Y/n-” Hongjoong changes tactics, the nagging tone replaced with a quieter, more serious one. You sigh.

“It didn’t work out. Obviously. I’m just not idol material.”

“Oh come on, I don’t believe that for a second. Your producing is good enough that I know for sure you’ve been getting offers to work with more companies than just KQ. When you direct during recording, you can hit every note without any warm up or practice. And I’ve heard your original songs, you must have been considered for both the position of lead rapper and lead singer as a trainee because there’s no way that anybody would let your talent go to waste.” Hongjoong is breathing hard by the end of his rant and Chan can see that this is something that has been bothering him for a while.

“It’s okay, Hongjoong-oppa.” Your voice is gentle, like you’re trying to comfort him. “I’m happy with what I have right now. Really. I’m grateful for all the freedom I have. Getting to work on any project I want and experiment with my music without having to deal with the bureaucracy and politics of the industry? Having that independence is precious to me. I wanted to be an idol for a long long time. But even though that specific plan I had didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean I’m not happy with what I’m doing.”

Hongjoong stays quiet for a while.

“Do you think that if you had the opportunity to debut as an idol now, you would?” he finally asks.

“Oppa, it’s not possible. I can’t dance, I’m too old-” you protest.

“No no, just hypothetically. Like if someone walked into the room and handed you a contract and said that if you signed it in an hour then you’d be able to debut.”

“I- I don’t know.”

“What’s your gut feeling?”

“I think I left that dream behind, I don’t know if I want to go down that path again. I don’t think I have it in me.”

“I’m sorry,” Hongjoong says after another pause. “I shouldn’t have questioned you so much, you shouldn’t have to justify your decisions to me.”

“No, it’s fine. It seems strange, right? For me to be an artist in Seoul and not want to get signed, it's only natural for you to be curious. But I learned a lot when I was a trainee and I learned even more after that and I can say with certainty that this is what I want.”

Chan takes that opportunity to knock on the studio door and push it open.

“Hey, hope I’m not interrupting,” he says, as if he wasn’t just eavesdropping on their conversation and purposely chose when to cut in. “Sorry, I’m a little bit late.”

“Hey, no problem man,” Hongjoong says. “We haven’t had a chance to do anything yet, so you’re right on time.”

“Good to see you,” you chime in. “I think this should be pretty quick so let’s get started!”

As you predicted, it doesn’t take long before a majority of the song is finished. Normally, Chan would be keen to stay involved until the very last detail is finalised, but he trusts you and at the end of this day, it’s Hongjoong’s song so he’s happy to give him the final say.

At the end of the session, Chan once again uses the opportunity to try to catch you alone. The two of you are side by side, packing your bags and Chan asks if you have any plans for the rest of the day. You confirm that you're available and Chan is about to suggest that the two of you take the time to catch up when Hongjoong interrupts.

“Oh, Y/n-ah,” he says. “I was actually hoping to get your input on something and I didn’t have a chance to ask you earlier. Can you please stick around for a bit? Sorry, hyung.”

Hongjoong sounds so sincere that Chan almost doesn’t feel annoyed that he’s stealing all of your time and attention. Almost, because at the end of the day, Chan’s only human. Even though he knows he has no right to feel possessive over you, he can’t stop the petty jealousy that bubbles up inside of him. At this point, there’s no denying the emotion.

Just like the previous session, he leaves alone, heading directly to the studio. Hours later, his breath catches when he checks his phone and sees that you’ve texted him.

[Received - 8:04pm]

Channie-oppa~

[Received - 8:04pm]

This is Y/nnie

[Received - 8:05pm]

Sorry about earlier, I have a contract with KQ Entertainment and work comes first :/

[Received - 8:09pm]

But I’m free now! You still interested in catching up?

Chan stares at the messages until it feels like they’re burned into his retinas. Logically, he knew that you had his number, the two of you were in a group chat that Hongjoong had set up, but this was your first time messaging him privately. The first time you had reached out in years. A precious opportunity that he never thought that he would have. He doesn’t want to mess this up.

He’s also shocked to see you texting so casually. Although the two of you have been comfortable in person, he wasn’t sure that it would translate to one-on-one conversation.

[Sent - 8:10pm]

Hey Y/n!

[Sent - 8:11pm]

No worries at all, I understand. I’m the same way too

[Sent - 8:13pm]

I still wanna meet up… but I’m all the way back in Gangdong-gu 😅 It’d be a bit of a trek for you if you're still at KQ

[Received - 8:13pm]

Gangdong-gu?

[Received - 8:14pm]

Ohh JYPE

[Received - 8:14pm]

My bad, forgot that you guys moved

[Sent - 8:15pm]

Yeahhh

[Sent - 8:15pm]

Headed straight back to the company after we were done, sorry

[Received - 8:18pm]

Well… If you’re willing to wait then I don’t mind. KQ is close to a metro station anyway

[Sent - 8:18pm]

Wait, really?

[Sent - 8:18pm]

No no no, don’t take the subway

[Sent - 8:18pm]

I’ll send a driver. They’re gonna pick you up in 20 min

[Received - 8:19pm]

Wowow

[Received - 8:19pm]

Private driver?

[Received - 8:20pm]

You’re a real superstar now haha

[Sent - 8:21pm]

alsfjshkafs noooooooo

[Sent - 8:21pm]

It’s just faster

[Sent - 8:21pm]

and safer

[Received - 8:22pm]

I’m not complaining

[Received - 8:22pm]

but I’m going to get your autograph when I see you

[Received - 8:23pm]

If I sell it then I can probably afford my own private driver 🤭

[Sent - 8:24pm]

Knew it

[Sent - 8:25pm]

You’re just using me for my fame

[Received - 8:26pm]

Ah you got me this time

[Received - 8:26pm]

*Your fame, your talent, and your good looks

[Received - 8:27pm]

Even tho you were the one that said you wanted to meet up

[Received - 8:27pm]

Hmmm maybe you’re the one using me?

Chan listens to his phone as it continues to vibrate from where it’s lodged in between two of the couch cushions after he threw it across to the opposite side of the room. His face is buried in his hands and flaming red. He feels both giddy and terribly embarrassed.

Chan’s no stranger to flirting, he’s experienced his fair share being on either side through interactions with the members and with Stay, but he forgot how flustered he was being on the receiving end of your teasing. The part he never understood is that your playful tone always gave way to sincerity. Even when the two of you would joke around, he could always tell that you meant every comment that you made about Chan being talented or attractive and that flattered him almost as much as it baffled him.

[Received - 8:32pm]

?? Speechless that I caught on?

[Received - 8:36pm]

I think your driver has arrived… Otherwise I’m being kidnapped

[Received - 8:40pm]

Don’t think I would survive a horror film… I got into the car with no questions asked

[Received - 8:42pm]

It was nice knowing you I guess

When he realises how much time has passed, Chan grabs his phone and runs down to the back entrance of the company. Luckily you haven’t arrived yet and he takes the time to reply to your messages.

[Sent - 8:53pm]

Sorry, lost track of time

[Sent - 8:53pm]

They’ll drop you off at the back door, I’ll meet you there so you don’t have to get signed in or anything

[Received - 8:54pm]

Don’t think you’re getting away with ignoring my other texts

[Received - 8:55pm]

But thanks

[Received - 8:55pm]

Is this back door, the famous one that only allows in authorised people?

[Received - 8:55pm]

I’m honoured

Chan rolls his eyes at your cheesy reference and is in the middle of typing up a response when he sees the car pull up. You step out cautiously, then brighten when you see where Chan’s propping up the door.

“Hey,” Chan greets you. “Glad that you made it safely.”

“Thanks for the ride,” you say, looking around curiously as Chan leads you to an elevator that takes you to the rest of the building. “So this is the new and improved JYP Entertainment. I’d say that it looks the same as before, but I never got the chance to come in.”

“Yeah,” Chan says, rubbing a hand against the back of his neck as he walks. “I mean it’s pretty nice, but at the end of the day a practice room is a practice room and that’s where we spend most of our time.”

“Hmm I think we might have to agree to disagree on that one. You have your own studio don’t you?”

“Ah, kind of. It’s technically a shared one, but practically I’m the only one that uses it unless we’re out of the country for a long time,” Chan confirms.

“Seems a lot better than what we used to have! Do you remember when we used to cram ourselves into that tiny room that barely even fit two chairs and a table?”

“I almost forgot about that, it was so terrible! In the summer it would get so hot that we’d keep the door open-”

“And then someone would come yell at us because we’d be playing music too loud-”

“I remember begging management to install a portable air conditioner on multiple occasions, but they always refused.”

“Of course! Even if they weren’t so stingy, there weren’t any windows leading outside in there, how could they install it?”

“Is that why? I always thought they just wanted us to suffer.”

“That too,” you giggle for a moment, before your smile fades. “But they weren’t totally unreasonable. Management has a different perspective than us, sometimes they know better than us because of their understanding of the industry. They can see things that we don’t.”

It’s clear that you’re no longer talking about air conditioning anymore. A lump seems to have formed in Chan’s throat when he recalls his conversation with Sana. Luckily, the two of you have just arrived and Chan forces himself to smile.

“We’re here,” he says, opening the door and motioning for you to enter ahead of him. “Welcome to Channie’s Room!”

“It’s cute!” you say as you step in. “Very… neat. It’s actually more spacious than it looks.”

“Oh,” Chan says, faltering in his steps for a second. “You- you’ve seen my studio?”

“In case you didn’t realise, you go live every week from said studio. I think at this point everyone in the K-pop industry and every K-pop fan has seen it,” you tease.

“Right, yeah. I didn’t- I wasn’t sure how much you kept up with that kind of stuff,” Chan stammers.

“K-pop or do you mean specifically Stray Kids?” you ask, tilting your head slightly.

“Either I guess," Chan shrugs.

"I will admit that it took me a while to get back into it," you say slowly. "I wasn't... in the best mindset after I left." Chan stays quiet, sensing that you're not quite finished. "I know that I disappeared and I am sorry for not reaching out. I wanted to, but I also didn't know how. I know that I hurt you. That it was cruel to avoid you, not reply to your messages, ignore your calls. I had my reasons why, but it doesn't excuse the pain that I caused, and I'm sorry for that too."

“I think,” Chan swallows hard. “I think that the most difficult part was that for the longest time, I didn’t know why. I didn’t know what I did wrong. I asked Sana about it finally, after I saw you again. And I just felt so stupid to realise that it was obvious to everyone except me."

“I’m sorry,” you say again. “I wanted to tell you, of course I wanted to. But I also knew you. If I had told you that us being together was preventing your debut-”

“I wouldn’t have cared,” Chan finishes your sentence for you, starting to understand. “I would have done anything to keep you by my side.”

"Even if it meant throwing away your career," you say softly. "I couldn't let you do that to yourself. You worked so hard, how could I live with being the reason that you were stuck in the training rooms? You belong on stage, making music.”

"The part that I still don’t get though is why you left? You should have been able to debut as well, I know it."

“Ah,�� you say wistfully. You look around and grab onto the pillow that’s on the couch beside you, fidgeting with it as you figure out what to say next. “You know, I actually was supposed to debut.”

“What? How come I never heard about it?” Chan feels a pang in his chest. All these years ago, the two of you had promised that the other would be the first person that they would tell if they ever found out that they had the chance to debut. It seemed that neither of them had kept their promise.

“It was supposed to be a secret project. JYP wanted to see how successful a surprise debut announcement would be. You should have seen the NDAs that they made us sign.” You shake your head, letting out a huff of air. “It turned out to be a good decision because it meant they could cancel it without anyone knowing that we existed in the first place.”

"Who was in the group?" Chan asks.

"There were five of us. I think you know all of them, Sumin, Ryujin, Sojin, and Hyowon," you list. You're right, Chan is either familiar with or has heard of all the girls that you mention. It doesn't make sense though, the group was filled with talented individuals and Chan can't think of any reason strong enough to lead to disbandment. Even more baffling is that of the five of you, only Ryujin ended up staying at the company long enough to join the lineup for another group.

"And they just cancelled it out of nowhere?"

“No... It was- I know that for any idol, preparing for debut is tough, but I think that in some ways, it’s especially brutal for the girl groups," you say instead. Chan doesn't question you further, knowing that you must have a point that you're trying to make.

“How so?” Chan has an idea, he’s seen what the female trainees went through, the differences in how they were evaluated and criticised. But he wants to hear it from you, wants to understand what you’ve been through.

“The visual aspect feels like it’s more heavily emphasised than our talent or skills. We were measured for our music video outfits the second they finalised the concept. It was really early on, but at the time I thought it was so exciting and fun that I didn’t question it. I think that all of us were so thrilled by the thought of debuting that we didn't think anything of it. We did our final fittings for it a few weeks before filming and they had made them all a size too small, everything was just a little bit too tight. They didn’t outright say it, but it was implied that they weren’t going to alter them. It was a choice to lose weight or our chance to debut was gone. We were devastated and angry and eventually just resigned. If that's what it took then I would do it. We dieted like crazy for the time leading up to filming,” you laugh, but it's in disbelief, the sound is hollow.

Paired with what you’re saying, it makes Chan want to burn the whole world down. He doesn't say anything, not sure if he can even open his mouth without letting his rage escape, something that you don't deserve.

“We were practising, like always," you continue. "There was a tricky step that needed to be fixed by the next day when we’d be recording, a flip that we hadn't quite mastered. I was the smallest one on the team, so I was the one being flipped. It must have been like 3 or 4 in the morning, we were all tired, hungry, and nervous about filming. Honestly, I don't quite remember what happened, it was all a blur. There was just this feeling that something went wrong and then pain."

You roll up the pants on your left leg and show off the skin there. Chan has to hold back a gasp at the sight. Even though it’s long healed, the scarring is extensive and obvious. Chan can't imagine how much it must have hurt.

“I broke my ankle in two places and sprained my wrist. I couldn't believe it, five years of my life just gone in an instant. It took months before I could walk and even longer before I could dance again. Even now, I can't dance anywhere close to the way that I used to," you say with a watery smile. “Sojinnie had a concussion from the fall and Suminnie dislocated her shoulder, I must have knocked into them or fallen onto them or something. What could we do? Three out of the five of us were out of commission, there was no time and no budget for a group that hadn’t even debuted to find replacements or re-record and re-film everything. I woke up after surgery and they told me that they were sorry, but my contract with the company was over. That someone had helped me pack up all my things in the dorm. I went back to Jeju-do as soon as I was released from the hospital.”

"I- I'm sorry that I didn't know," Chan says, clearing his throat roughly when his voice breaks partway through the sentence. " I wish that I could have been there, to help or comfort you. I should have-"

"Oppa," you respond gently. "It's okay. I didn't tell anybody what happened and the company also kept things quiet. I'm glad you didn't find out at the time. You had other, more important things to focus on, I didn't want to distract you from that."

"You're not a distraction," Chan says incredulously. "You're important to me, I would have dropped everything to be with you in such a difficult time."

"And that's exactly why I couldn't tell you. You've always been too good to me, Channie-oppa," you sniffle. "Look at you now! I'm so always proud when I think of how far you've come."

Chan lifts a trembling hand and carefully cups your face, using his thumb to wipe away a tear that has started making its way down your cheek. He hears your breathing hitch, but you don't object to his touch. If anything, you melt into it.

Chan takes the opportunity to wrap his arms around you, bringing you close. The gesture breaks the dam of tears that you must have been holding back. Chan rocks the two of you back and forth gently, just letting you cry and trying to surreptitiously wipe away his own tears. It takes a few minutes before you calm, taking huge shuddering breaths that break Chan's heart almost as much as your sobs had.

"I'm sorry," you say with a voice thick with emotion.

"Hey, no," Chan reassures you. "There's no need to apologise. Are you feeling better now?"

You nod slowly, head still pressed against Chan's chest.

"I think- I think I just missed you. I always thought it would get easier, not having you in my life, but it never did."

At your words, Chan can't help his arms from tightening, squeezing you close.

"I finally found you again," he says. "And this time, I promise that I won't ever let you go."

read it on ao3 | masterlist

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gibberishfangirl · 7 months ago

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WINDBREAKER | i’d let the world burn for you

Synopsis ✰ which boys i think would relate to that song lyric “id let the world burn, id let the world burn for you” and why i do or don’t see it happening

Characters ✰ Haruka Sakura, Hajime Umemiya, Hayato Suo, Akihiko Nirei, Choji Tomiyama, Jo Togame

Haruka Sakura ᡣ𐭩 -> okay hear me out. i see this being 50/50. i feel like Sakura is such a crash out at times especially when it involves you. this man will 100% crash out over you and bring hell on whoever hurts you. on the other hand… he is main character and is very heroic which is why i cant see him fulllyyyy resonating with this lyric. a hero simply cannot unleash hell onto everyone. but if its just targeted towards one individual he’s for sure going to jail for attempted murder. he’d most likely succeeded tbh so maybe not even attempted

Hajime Umemiya ᡣ𐭩 -> yes. no doubt about it. HEAR ME OUT. i know he’s also a hero and he’s a leader so he shouldn’t sacrifice everything he has for just one person. BUT HE WILL ANYWAY. this man is ready to die on that hill if it means you’re safe. being in love and having someone be so dear to him brings out a whole new side to him. if it had been any other person, definitely not, he’d be more rational. however, since it’s you and he’s madly in love, he’ll 100% set the world on fire himself. Ume is ready to stand up for the ones he loves. no question about it, he’ll take extreme measures without hesitation.

Hayato Suo ᡣ𐭩 -> okay. i want to say yes but in reality it’s like maybe 60%? i’m a helpless romantic and Suo is practically the definition of romantic so i like to believe he would for the plot. when Suo loves he loves hard and desperately. he’s the kind of man to sacrifice himself more than anything. he loves you like a bruno mars love song. yk grenade, the song, we all know it. that’s him. that’s just his song. he gives the vibe of sacrificing himself than the world for you.

Akihiko Nirei ᡣ𐭩 -> …no. DONT HATE ME but i dont see it happening at all. i mean he’d most likely die for you and take a bullet for you and all that romantic stuff. BUT SACRIFICE THE WHOLE WORLD?? now that’s a bit extreme in his book. he loves you and would die for you. off topic but Nirei just gives me the vibe that he would want to be buried next to you so that way the two of you can find each other in every timeline <3

Choji Tomiyama ᡣ𐭩 -> have you seen this man during his villain arc??? it’s a clear cut yes. this mf will actually kill someone with his own bear hands for you. he’d carry all the blood and taint himself if it meant you would be okay. he prioritizes you more than anyone else, so he will absolutely lose it over you. if anyone even had the audacity to put their hands on you. it’s game over. all that development he’s had and has worked on will vanish in less than a second. he’s the core definition of ‘0 to a 100 real quick’. it’s not even worth testing.

Jo Togame ᡣ𐭩 -> this song was made for him. literally his fucking song. hes made himself the bad guy before and he’ll do it again. especially for your sake. Togame might be a nice guy but dont ever mistake that for anything more. just because he can have a polite mouth doesn’t mean he won’t completely pummel someone into a state of oblivion just for making you uncomfortable. biggest crash out next to Sakura.

#sakura haruka #sakura haruka x reader #hajime umemiya #hajime umemiya x reader #hayato suo #suo hayato x reader #nirei akihiko #nirei akihiko x reader #jo togame #jo togame x reader #choji tomiyama #choji tomiyama x reader #wind breaker #wind breaker x reader

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myonexox · 3 days ago

Text

THE LITTLE THINGS THAT MATTER

pairing : childhood best friend!sunghoon x female!reader

genre : romance, fluff, slow burn, best friends to lovers, mutual pining, childhood friends au, idiots in love

synopsis : two childhood best friends, you and sunghoon, who secretly like each other but are too afraid to confess. as you spend time together, you start to notice the little things, the small gestures that show how much you truly care for each other. in the end, you both realize that love isn’t just about big moments but the little things that matter most

word count : 4.7k

now playing : xo (only if you say yes) by enhypen (i was listening to this song the whole time while writing. it has that whole falling in love vibe, you know? and the lyrics kinda remind me of sunghoon. the way the song tells a story about a boy who’s willing to do anything for the person he loves, it’s literally him. so yeah, i highly recommend listening to it as you read)

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

you had been in love with your childhood best friend, sunghoon, for years. you didn’t know when exactly the feeling had settled into your heart. maybe it had always been there, waiting for you to acknowledge it. but you remembered everything about how your story with him began.

it started when you were five years old. the neighborhood park was your favorite place and it was where you met him for the first time. you were trying to reach for a butterfly, standing on your tiptoes on the playground slide when you lost your balance and nearly tumbled down. just before you could fall, a small hand caught yours. it was him. a boy with curious eyes looking at you with concern.

“are you okay?” he had asked, tilting his head.

you nodded, embarrassed. “i was trying to catch the butterfly”

he looked up at the sky where the butterfly had already flown away then back at you. “i can help next time”

that was the beginning.

from that day on, you and sunghoon were inseparable. your mothers were friends which meant playdates, matching outfits and meals together. he became the boy who always waited for you outside your house and who walked beside you every time you went to the park.

every day was an adventure. you would race each other down the street, only for him to slow down at the last second and let you win. you built sandcastles at the park even though they always collapsed because neither of you knew how to make them strong. you picked dandelions together and made wishes.

and he was always there for you. when you scraped your knee, he was the one who rushed to find a bandaid. when the neighborhood kids refused to let you play in their pretend castle, he declared that he would build a bigger one just for you. and he did, using pillows and blankets in your living room. when you got sick, he would draw silly doodles on get-well cards, slipping them under your door so you wouldn’t feel lonely.

as you both grew older, your adventures changed but your bond didn’t. elementary school was all about trading lunch, sitting next to each other in class and sharing little secrets. you helped him with his homework when he got stuck and he shielded you from the teacher’s scolding when you forgot yours. during school field trips, he always saved you a seat next to him and whenever you had to partner up for assignments, you didn’t even need to ask, it was just a given that you and sunghoon were a team. even during recess, while other kids formed new friendships, you and sunghoon remained a pair, always finding your way back to each other.

middle school came and with it, the awkward years. he hit his growth spurt earlier than you, towering over you one day when just the week before, you had been the same height. his voice started to change, deepening slightly and you couldn’t ignore how other girls started to notice him. you told yourself it didn’t matter. you were his best friend and that was all there was to it.

but then came the small moments that made your heart stutter. like when he slung his arm around your shoulder so casually. like when he leaned down just to meet your eyes. like when he always seemed to notice the tiniest details about you. when you were sad, when you were tired, when you needed someone to cheer you up. he always knew. he always listened.

you should have known then. but you didn’t, not yet.

it wasn’t until high school that realization truly hit you. the first time you saw him in his uniform, looking taller and more mature, your heart did something weird in your chest. you tried to ignore it. you told yourself it was just because you weren’t used to seeing him like that.

but then there was the way he treated you, different but not in a bad way. he had always been protective of you but in high school, it became more obvious. if someone made you uncomfortable, he was there in an instant, his presence alone enough to make them back off. if you were carrying something heavy, he took it from you without a word. and when you got sick, he showed up at your house with medicine and your favorite snacks.

then there were the times when he looked at you, like really looked at you. like the time you got dressed up for a school event and when you stepped out, his breath hitched just slightly before he smiled at you. like the time you fell asleep on the bus during a school trip and he let you rest your head on his shoulder, not moving an inch the entire ride. like the time he whispered your name, just your name but it made your heart feel so full you thought it might burst.

it was a million little things.

you realized it when he defended you from a senior who spoke to you rudely. you realized it when he remembered things about you that even you had forgotten. and you realized it when he ran to your house in the rain because he knew you were upset and needed someone and that someone was always him.

and one day, you couldn’t deny it anymore. you were in love with sunghoon. you were in love with your childhood best friend.

but you never told him. because what if he didn’t feel the same? what if you ruined everything? he was your best friend, the person who had been with you through every moment of your life. if you confessed and he didn’t like you back, would things change? would he start avoiding you? would you lose him completely?

so you decided to stay quiet. you told yourself it was better this way. you would rather love him in silence than risk losing him forever.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

saturday arrived and as planned, you made your way to sunghoon’s house for your study session. it was something you both had promised to do earlier in the week, knowing that your math test was coming up on wednesday. sunghoon had never been the biggest fan of studying but with enough convincing, you managed to get him to agree. you rang the doorbell and waited for a few moments before the door swung open, revealing him in a casual hoodie and sweatpants, his hair slightly messy as if he had just woken up from a nap.

“you’re here” he said with a grin, stepping aside to let you in.

“of course i am. you think i’d let you slack off before our test?” you teased, slipping off your shoes at the entrance.

he let out a dramatic sigh. “i was hoping you’d forget”

you chuckled. “you wish”

his parents weren’t home. they had gone out for the day to visit some relatives in another city. it wasn’t the first time you had been over when they weren’t around and you were comfortable enough in their home that it didn’t feel awkward in the slightest. you followed him upstairs to his room. his desk was already set up with textbooks, notebooks and a couple of pens.

for the next few hours, the two of you went over equations, formulas and problem-solving techniques. sunghoon, true to his nature, grumbled every now and then but he still managed to focus for the most part. you explained concepts to him whenever he got stuck, watching as his eyebrows knitted together in concentration. every so often, he would lean back in his chair, stretching his arms with an exaggerated groan before throwing you a look that practically screamed ‘i’m suffering.’

eventually, after what felt like an eternity, he slumped forward onto his desk, groaning loudly. “ugh, i can’t take it anymore. my brain is officially fried”

you looked up from your notes, smiling slightly. “come on, we’ve only been studying for—” you glanced at the clock. “okay, maybe we have been at it for a while. i didn't notice it”

“exactly” he muttered, lifting his head slightly to look at you. “we need a break. if we keep going, my brain is going to melt and i’m going to blame you for it”

you laughed. “alright, fine. you have a point. we can’t afford to burn out before the actual test, right?”

he immediately perked up. “great! let’s go downstairs and watch a movie or something”

you didn’t object. honestly, you could use the break too. packing away your books, you followed him out of his room and down the stairs. as you stepped into the living room, he gestured toward the couch. “you pick the movie first. i’ll go grab some snacks for us”

that was another thing about him. he never picked the movie. not even once. you had asked him before why he always made you choose and he said, “i like everything you like.” at the time, you hadn’t thought much of it but now, it made your heart flutter whenever you remembered it.

settling onto the couch, you scrolled through the movie options, your choice already obvious. horror was your favorite genre and sunghoon, despite his complaints that you always picked scary movies, never objected. he always watched them with you even when he claimed he didn’t like them. smiling to yourself, you selected a horror film and waited for him to return.

a few minutes later, he came back with his arms full of chips, popcorn, candy and a couple of soda cans. he dumped them onto the coffee table before flopping onto the couch beside you. “you picked horror, didn’t you?”

you smiled, raising an eyebrow. “how do you know?”

he let out an exaggerated sigh but grabbed a handful of popcorn anyway. “of course i know. but if i get nightmares, you’re responsible”

“you never get nightmares”

“you don’t know that”

laughing, you pressed play and the movie began. the two of you settled in, munching on snacks as eerie music filled the room. as the movie progressed, you couldn’t help but steal glances at him every now and then.

by the time the credits rolled, the sky outside had started to darken. you sighed, stretching your arms as you realized how much time had passed. “i should probably head home before it gets too late”

he nodded, still watching the screen as the last of the credits played. you reached into your pocket for your phone, intending to check the time but your hand came up empty. frowning, you patted your other pocket. still nothing.

“hey, did you see my phone?” you asked, glancing at sunghoon.

he turned to you, eyebrows furrowed. “hm?”

“my phone. did you see it?” you repeated.

“wasn’t it with you?”

you shook your head. “i thought so but it’s not in my pocket”

the two of you began searching around the couch, pushing aside pillows and shifting through the pile of snacks but your phone was nowhere to be found.

“maybe you left it upstairs when we were studying?” he suggested, already moving to stand up. “wait here, let me get it for you”

you waved him off. “it’s okay i’ll get it myself”

“okay” he said.

you made your way back upstairs to his room. sure enough, your phone was sitting right on his bed, exactly where you must have left it earlier. picking it up, you checked the time. 6 pm. definitely time to head home.

but when you were about to walk out, your eyes caught something unusual. a unique notebook lay next to sunghoon’s pillow, one you had never seen before. it was different from his school notebooks, the ones he used for studying. this one had a leather cover, slightly worn at the edges as if it had been used frequently. your curiosity spiked instantly.

you hesitated, looking toward the door to make sure sunghoon wasn’t there. taking a deep breath, you slowly climbed onto his bed and reached for the notebook, settling on the edge of the bed as you held the book in your hands.

you knew this was wrong. you knew you shouldn’t take it or open it. even though he was your best friend, you still had no right to read his diary. it was his personal stuff and you should have respected his privacy. but you were curious. it killed you and you just knew that you would never stop thinking about it once you got home if you didn’t at least take a peek.

you sighed, running your fingers over the cover before hesitantly opening the book.

“i’m sorry sunghoon” you whispered to yourself.

your mind told you to be sane, to close it and walk out but your heart screamed at you to open it and read. and since you were an F in your mbti, you tended to follow your feelings more. so you decided to choose your heart.

it would be fine. right? you were only going to read one or two pages and then stop. you promised yourself. then you opened it.

the first page was written with a title “things i love about her”

you frowned. who was ‘her’? did he like someone? at school? how come he never told you anything? your mind raced with a million thoughts. but you pushed them aside and turned to the next page.

the second page was titled “my best friend”

you froze. your eyes widened. about... you? wait. why would he even write anything about you? and you were his only best friend. or… did he has another best friend?

you flipped to the next page, eyes scanning the date written at the top. it was from your first year of high school. you and sunghoon were seniors now.

page after page, you kept flipping even though you told yourself to stop. but the more you read, the more impossible it became to stop.

1 : her kind heart

i remember the day we found that stray cat on the way home. it was raining and she didn’t even hesitate to run under the pouring sky to rescue it. we were completely drenched, our uniform sticking to our skin, our shoes soaked with mud but she didn’t care at all. she held that tiny kitten against her chest like it was the most precious thing in the world.

i told her she was crazy but she just laughed, hugging the kitten even closer.

“sunghoon, it was cold and scared. what was i supposed to do, leave it there?” she had said.

then she kept it for a week before finding a proper home for it. but every single day, she fed it, cared for it, loved it. that’s the kind of person she is. selfless. kind. beautiful.

she doesn't realize it but she makes the world softer and better just by being in it.

i remember the way she cried when she had to give the kitten away. she tried to hide it but i saw, y/n. i saw how much you cared. how much you love even the smallest things.

i wonder if she knows how much i love her for it.

2 : her sense of humor

she laughs at the dumbest jokes. and i mean 'the dumbest'.

one time, i dropped my pen in class and groaned because it rolled under someone’s chair. then she whispered “that pen just wanted to be free”

i gave her a look but she was already laughing. her hands covering her face as she tried (and failed) to muffle the sound. and just like that, i laughed too. because her laughter is infectious. it spreads like wildfire, igniting everyone around her.

she has a way of making things feel lighter even when everything feels heavy.

i could listen to her laugh forever.

3 : her intelligence and determination

i hate studying. she loves it.

she’s always been so determined to do well, always pushing herself to be better. when i get lazy, she drags me back in. when i say i can’t do it, she proves that i can.

“you’re not dumb, sunghoon. you just don’t try”

maybe she’s right. maybe i don’t try enough. but she does. and i admire that more than she knows.

i’ve never told her but i love watching her study. the way her brows furrow in concentration, the way she bites her lip when she’s deep in thought. it’s fascinating.

4 : her smile and laugh

i wish i could record it. just once.

her laughter. her smile. the way her eyes crinkle at the corners, the way her lips curl just before she bursts into giggles.

if i had that recording, i’d listen to it every night before i sleep. because nothing else in the world sounds as beautiful as she does.

5 : the way she talks

she talks a lot.

but i never mind. not even once.

her voice is... so calming. she makes talking easy even when i don’t know what to say. she makes silence feel comfortable. i think that’s rare.

i could listen to her talk everyday, endlessly. she never runs out of things to say and somehow, i never get tired of hearing them. she makes even the simplest stories sound like something worth listening to. i could sit next to her forever, just listening.

6 : her hair

she always complains about her hair.

“my bangs aren’t cooperating today”

“i should’ve tied it up”

but i don’t see what she sees. i see sunlight catching in her strands, the way they sway when she moves, the way she tucks them behind her ear.

i like it. i like her...

7 : her beautiful eyes

i could stare at them forever. not in a creepy way (okay, maybe a little creepy). but they hold so much. i don't know how to explain it. but whenever she looks at me, i can never look away no matter how hard i try.

her eyes... they're just so beautiful.

i don’t think words could ever describe how much i love them. i could get lost in them for hours.

no, her eyes aren’t just beautiful. they’re everything.

8 : her adventurous soul

since we were kids, she’s always been the one to drag me into trouble. climbing trees. exploring abandoned buildings. running through the rain without an umbrella just for the thrill of it.

she hasn’t changed til now. and i like that she hasn’t.

she still pushes me out of my comfort zone, still drags me along to do things i’d probably never consider on my own.

i used to complain about it. about how reckless she was, about how she never thought things through. but i think, deep down, i’ve always liked that about her. i like the way she throws herself into life so fearlessly. i like the way she makes the ordinary feel exciting.

and... i like that she’s never stopped pulling me along with her.

the next pages were filled with even more things. you swallowed hard. this wasn’t just a diary. this was a collection of every little thing he loved about you.

your heart pounded. what was this? why would he write something like this?

you shouldn’t have read it in the first place. but you did. and now, you could never unsee it. you were... confused.

you held onto the notebook, your mind reeling from what you had just read. every small detail about you, things you never even thought he noticed... he had written it all down. the way you laughed, the way you talked, even the way you tucked your hair behind your ear. he noticed everything.

but why?

before you could gather your thoughts, a voice snapped you out of your trance.

“hey, what’s taking you so long?”

you jumped, your eyes widening as you turned around to see sunghoon standing by the door. but then his gaze dropped to the notebook in your hands and his entire body stiffened. his eyes widened in panic before he strode forward in urgency.

“wait, no—”

before you could react, he reached for the book and snatched it away from your hands, gripping it tightly as if his life depended on it.

“why… why do you read this?” his voice came out weak, almost vulnerable, something you had never heard before from him.

but instead of answering, you asked the question that was burning inside you. “why did you write it?”

he sucked in a sharp breath. he was at a loss for words. he wanted to lie, to make up some excuse, to tell you that it was nothing but he knew there was no way he could do it. you had already read part of it. there was no turning back now.

so in a desperate attempt to shift the subject, he repeated “why do you read this? this is my book. you can’t just take and open something that belongs to me. it’s my privacy”

but you ignored his protests, your eyes locking onto his. “tell me! why would you write something like that about me?”

silence.

a deep sigh escaped his lips before he finally muttered “are you stupid or what?”

your brows knitted together in confusion. “what?”

internally, sunghoon was screaming. his heart was hammering inside his chest and his mind was a chaotic mess. how was he supposed to explain this? how was he supposed to tell you everything he had kept hidden for so long?

he never meant for you to find out this way. in fact, he never meant for you to find out at all. but now that you had, he had no choice but to be honest.

he felt like everything had turned upside down, like all the secrets he had tried to hide were suddenly being revealed. the way you looked at him now, confused, searching, waiting for answers made his chest tighten. he had spent so long keeping his feelings under lock and key, convincing himself that it was better this way, that it was safer if you never knew.

because the truth? he had been liking you for a long time. longer than he could even remember.

it started with the little things, the subtle glances he stole when you weren’t looking. you never noticed but his eyes always found you in a crowded room. he watched you. he had always watched you. not in a way that was meant to be creepy or anything but in the way someone admired a piece of art from afar, afraid that getting too close might ruin its beauty.

he noticed every little thing about you and god, he adored it all. most of all, he... loved you. so much.

you never realized how often he went out of his way just to be close to you. how he would adjust his pace to match yours when you walked together. how he always seemed to have your favorite snack on hand, pretending like it was just a coincidence and offered you some or gave them all to you.

how he memorized your coffee order, how he always stayed up late just to help you study and how he would make up excuses just to see you, pretending like he needed help with something when in reality, he just wanted to spend more time with you.

but you never noticed. and maybe that was for the best. because no matter how much he wanted to tell you, he was afraid. just like you, he was afraid that if he told you the truth, it would ruin everything. afraid that if you didn’t feel the same, your friendship would crumble and he would lose you completely. and losing you? that was the one thing he could never bear.

so he kept quiet. he buried his feelings deep, convincing himself that as long as he could stay by your side, that was more than enough. that he could live with the ache in his chest as long as he got to see you smile, as long as he got to hear your voice, as long as he could keep talking to you.

but now, standing here with you looking at him like that, he knew there was no more running away from the truth. it was out in the open now. and there was nothing he could do but finally, finally let his heart speak.

taking a deep breath, he finally spoke. “i’ve been liking you— no, loving you since... i don’t even know when”

your heart stopped.

he looked down at the notebook in his hands, his fingers tightening around it. “at first, i wrote this diary out of boredom. when i didn’t know what to do, i wrote it because you were my best friend. the closest person to me. who else would i write about? i was with you all the time and you were the one i always admired, the one i always looked at so i couldn’t help but write about you”

he let out a bitter chuckle. “but i didn’t realize that all i had been doing wasn’t because you were just my best friend. it was because you were more than that. it took me long enough to understand it too”

he finally looked at you. “but if you don’t like me back, i understand. really, i do. i won’t force you to feel the same way. i just... i just needed to say it because i couldn’t keep it in anymore” he paused then continued “if you don’t feel the same way, we can just forget this ever happened. i don’t want to lose you so we can just pretend i never said anything and—”

“sunghoon” you cut him off. you took a deep breath, your own emotions bubbling to the surface. “i like you too”

his eyes widened in shock. “what?”

“i like you too sunghoon. no, scratch that. i love you... too”

he stared at you, utterly speechless.

“i don’t even know when it started...” you continued “maybe it was when you walked me home every day and you didn't even complain about it. maybe it was when you always saved the last piece of my favorite snack for me even when you wanted it too. maybe it was when you stayed up all night helping me study even though you hated studying yourself. or maybe it was... when i realized that no matter what happened, you were always there for me. no matter how much i pushed you away, no matter how much i annoyed you, you never left. you were always there, sunghoon. and i think... i think that’s when i knew i loved you”

silence stretched between you. then he let out a small, breathless laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. “we’re both idiots, aren’t we? how come we never noticed it before?”

you nodded with a smile on your lips. “yeah, the biggest ones”

a soft chuckle escaped him before he finally sat down next to you. “so... does this mean you’re mine now?” he asked teasingly.

you rolled your eyes playfully. “i’ve always been yours, idiot”

his lips curled into a soft smile. and in that moment, you knew, this was it. this was where you belonged. with him.

then he suddenly pulled you closer. “if you’ve always been mine” he whispered “then that means i get to do this”

before you could respond, he pressed a soft kiss on your lips making your breath hitch. you stared at him as he pulled away, stunned while he simply grinned.

“you’re ridiculous” you muttered though you couldn’t hide your smile.

“and you love me for it”

you sighed dramatically. “unfortunately”

he chuckled, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into a tight hug. “we really are idiots”

you nuzzled into his warmth, feeling your heart swell with joy. “yeah but at least we’re idiots together”

you couldn’t believe it. park sunghoon, your childhood best friend, the boy who had been by your side since you were little, the person you had been silently in love with for years felt the same way.

he had loved you too, all this time in the quiet ways you never noticed. he had spent years convincing himself that what he felt was one-sided, that confessing would ruin everything. but now, knowing that you loved him back, it felt like the weight he had been carrying for so long had finally lifted.

how many moments had he spent looking at you, memorizing every little detail, cherishing the time he had with you even if you never saw him the same way? and how many times had you caught yourself staring at him, wondering if he could ever look at you as more than just his best friend? it was funny, really. you both spent so much time worrying, overthinking, assuming the worst when in reality, you had always belonged to each other.

and you knew, in the end, it wasn’t the grand gestures or dramatic confessions that mattered most. it was these little things. the moments that seemed insignificant at the time but built something stronger than either of you had realized. the way love wasn’t just in the words spoken but in the actions that had been there all along.

the little things that matter...

#enhypen #park sunghoon #sunghoon #enhypen sunghoon #enhypen x reader #sunghoon x reader #enhypen fluff #sunghoon fluff #fluff #enhypen fic #sunghoon fic #best friends to lovers #slow burn #mutual pining #idiots in love #childhood friends au #enhypen imagines #sunghoon imagines

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remxedmoon · 3 months ago

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You should tell us about color psychology that sounds cool as hell

YES… HA HA HA… YES!

GGGOD I WISH I WASN’T OUT OF THE HOUSE RIGHT NOW. but i’ve been thinking about colors literally all day so you all get to be subject to my madness! sorry this is long and rambly wauaua. nightmarishly long post under the cut.

okay. first things first, a few basics. color theory and color psychology tend to get confused a lot in discussions, but they usually refer to different things. color theory is more about we physically perceive colors (color wheels and color schemes the like), while color psychology focuses on our emotional response to colors. if you’re familiar with the children’s hospital color theory post, that poster wasn’t actually talking about color theory, but color psychology (and also it’s incredibly surface level and heavily misunderstands the subject because in what fucking universe does the quantity of positive associations with a color matter more than the context it’s used in and sorry i have personal beef with this tumblr post).

color theory is also a special interest of mine but i’m not gonna touch on it too much here because it’s not entirely important. mmmaybe another time…

essentially, certain colors (and color combinations) have associations in our brains and that affect our behavior and emotions. these associations are also very much affected by the context a color is used in. colors don’t exist in a vacuum! so while red can symbolize passion and love when used in something like a dress or a bouquet of flowers, it has a very different connotation when it’s, say, splattered on the walls or smeared on the ground in a snail trail.

or for a less Children’s Hospital Themed example, i’ll put my euphrasie and king designs here!

(of course the saturation and brightness of these blues play a massive part in how they’re perceived but this is not a post about color theory this is n)

and, of course, combining colors in a piece can also change their meanings!! i’m about to get real fucking normal.

i’m gonna be focusing on the color combo of red and yellow here because it’s the one that’s most relevant to my art (and also it’s really interesting.) basically, seeing these two colors together activates the part of our brain that controls our appetite, making us actually feel hungry. this is why so many food companies use red and yellow in their branding! it’s neat stuff!!

also, if you’re familiar with it, this is why the mv for butcher vanity uses this color palette!! along with red’s general associations with danger and blood, the color combo also physically induces hunger. pretty fitting for a song about cannibalism!

(there is also red’s association with lust and passion and how that intersects with the double meaning in the lyrics but i cannot derail this post into being an analysis of butcher vanity i’m sorry. we’d be here all week. maybe another day... wipes a tear from my eye)

and i think this might be the reason why some people feel hungry when they see my art, even when i’m not drawing food. while i don’t tend to use red outright, most of my art has very warm undertones (red-oranges and yellows especially), which could be activating that hunger response??

(ah fuck color theory managed to weasel its way into this post again)

admittedly this part is just speculation on my end. i think my rendering style and Shapes also play a role in it, but it’s interesting for me to think about!!

this is only scratching the surface of how complicated colors can get. i was going to go on an entire tangent about color grading and how green lighting can make a scene feel unnerving but this post is already Too Fucking Long. aaaa super sorry if this is Rambly or hard to understand!! i’m not Entirely sure how much the average person knows about color theory and psychology so if there’s any confusing terms here i’m fine with adding stuff for clarity!

wauauuaa thank you so much for asking!!!! i love talking about colors.

tl;dr colors have a bunch of different emotions and meanings tied to them, but you’ve gotta pay attention to the context in which it’s being used. so maybe take a step back before you put that thick red trail on the floor of your children’s hospital.

#marshtalkin #<- and by god did i TALK.#hhholy fuck how long is this. im so sorry i thought this was gonna be WAY shorter #admittedly i only realized colors were a special interest. fairly recently?#i genuinely didn’t consider that most artists probably don’t spend hours pacing around thinking about color symbolism #<- god don’t even get me started on color symbolism in my designs i’m so fucking normal #…do i even tag this as isat?? i mean i know i have to tag spoilers anyways #because of euphrasie #but this is mostly a post about color psychology even if i’m using my isat art as examples #aaaa whatever #isat #in stars and time #isat spoilers #color theory #color psychology #asks #also actually as a sidenote. sometimes color psychology is called a subsection of color theory?#but generally when someone is talking about color theory they’re talking about the technical side of things #terminology is weird and confusing unfortunately…

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revolutionsingingintherainnn · 1 month ago

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im desi and i love ur fics sm.... lando watching a bollywood movie with reader and then getting addicted to it. and keeps singing it during race week or his streams? it becomes a whole thing.... please.

thursday nights ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

ׂ╰┈➤ ln x desi!reader ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

ׂ╰┈➤ fluff + humour ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

masterlist ☾☼

movie nights were a steady part of your relationship. every thursday night, lando and you would pick a movie and watch through those netflix chrome extension thingies. lando insisted on doing it on thursdays, because media day was always way more exhausting for him than the actual races. the two of you took turns every week on choosing the movie. you, being desi, would usually something indian, opting for comedy films to ease lando's mind.

since it was the off season, you and lando were cuddled up on the couch, with your dinner plates balanced on your laps. this thursday, it was your turn, and you had the perfect movie in mind: chennai express. as the title card flashed on the screen, lando glanced at you, intrigued.

"what's this one about?" he asked, pulling his blanket tighter around him.

"okay, so imagine a guy trying to scatter his grandfather's ashes in south india," you began, "and then getting dragged into this wild adventure with a runaway bride. it's hilarious, it's chaotic, and the best part, it has shah rukh khan."

lando raised an eyebrow. "shah rukh khan? isn't he the guy that you had a crush on when you were younger?"

"yes, but also that i would drop you in a second for him," you said, laughing. "he's also the king of bollywood. trust me, you're going to love this."

"not sure how much i'm gonna love a movie with an actor that my girlfriend would drop me in a second for, but okay," he said dryly.

you laughed.

as the film progressed, lando became hooked. the over-the-top action sequences had him in stitches, and he couldn't stop laughing at rahul's antics, especially his attempts to speak tamil. by the time the musical number, "one, two, three, four, get on the dance floor" came on, lando was bobbing his head to the beat. and when he finally heard "lungi dance", the man was dancing in his seat with you, as you laughed.

"these songs are a vibe!" he declared, grinning at you. "why didn't you tell me bollywood music was this catchy?"

"because you wouldn't have believed me until now," you joked.

by the end of the night, lando was humming "lungi dance" nonstop. you had fallen asleep to him humming the song in your ear, but it put a smile on your face regardless.

of course, by the time, the season began again, you had shown lando many bollywood movies. it got a point, where the man had a bollywood songs playlist of his own which he listened to more than he listened to other playlists.

he didn't know all the words, but the few words he could understand, he was always singing them.

when the season began, you accompanied him to the paddock. as you spoke to one of the hospitality team members, you heard him whistling lungi dance quietly under his breath as he waited for his engineer to turn up. it wasn't long before his colleagues took notice.

"lando, what is that?" oscar asked with amusement and confusion.

"oh, it's from this bollywood movie i watched during the break," lando responded nonchalantly, as if that was no big deal. "you gotta see it. it's called chennai express. absolute masterpiece. i'll send you the movie playlist too, but you'll listen to it enough through the wall,"

days later, lando's obsession with bollywood music was a constant joke among the team. fans picked on it in a live stream when lando, trying to be attentive while playing, began belting out the lyrics of tan tana tan tan aloud.

"wait, what are you singing?" max fewtrell joked.

"it's from a bollywood movie. judwaa," lando said, with perfect pronunciation as he was trained by you, grinning sheepishly. "blame my girlfriend. she's got me hooked, mate,"

"is this already in your playlist?" max asked.

"yeah, yeah. you'd know if you listened to it," lando grumbled.

"mate, it's hard for me to listen to music i don't understand the meaning of!"

"excuses, excuses, max. y/n is gonna be sad,"

max groaned, while lando laughed.

the fandom went wild with it. edits of lando grooving to bollywood beats flooded social media and "lungi dance" became the unofficial anthem for his streams. mclaren played along and sent a clip of lando teaching oscar the steps of gallan goodiyan in the paddock which left everyone guffawing.

it also led to millions of desi fans sending their song and movie recommendations to lando. they began to send him challenges for different dance numbers, questioned him about his bollywood playlist, begged him to sing a particular song during the race.

lando had taken to singing some of the songs while he was driving. he'd randomly switch on the radio, and will and andrea would be ready to listen to whatever feedback lando had to offer, and all that lando would do was sing, "one, two, three, four, get on the dance floor, booty shake, booty shake, na na, hard core,"

it made everyone at the mclaren garage and wall burst out laughing.

the interviewers would ask him about it too, and lando would laugh, and offer to watch the movie with them and explain everything the way you had explained to him.

"you've created a monster," lando said to you one day as he settled into bed beside you, where you were watching edits of him singing different bollywood songs.

"you say it as if you don't love it," you replied, putting your phone down and smiling at your boyfriend.

he leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to your lips, "i do love it,"

you smiled brightly, pulling at his neck to kiss him once more.

"so, what are we watching tomorrow?" he asked, as he pulled away.

"i was thinking something with more action. singham. we could do a movie marathon if we start early, and watch all the movies in that universe,"

"oh fuck yeah," lando said softly, his body buzzing with excitement, even though his eyes were closing.

"i love you," he said in a sleepy haze.

you pecked his lips once, before repeating the words and watching the way lando's lips curled into a smile.

thursday nights had officially become the highlight of his week.

𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊

lemme know what you think! this is my prompt list, so y'all can select a number, give me a driver and i will write it as soon as possible! i also have a google form for a taglist if anyone's interested! you can sent in your requests here :)

taglist: @imlonelydontsendhelp ; @greantii ; @anamiad00msday ; @maketheshadowsfearyou ; @nocturnalherb16 ; @justaf1girl ; @peterholland04 ; @phobiccneel ; @winkev1

#lando norris #f1 #formula 1 #ln4 #formula one #f1 imagine #lando norris imagine #lando norris x you #lando x reader #lando x you #lando x y/n #lando imagine #lando norris fanfic #lando norris x reader #lando norris fluff #lando x desi!reader #lando norris x desi!reader #ln x reader #ln

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euphorajeon · 9 months ago

Note

'make it right' with jk for the 1k celebration pleeeaaaasssseeee 🫶

light of the morning

— request: jeongguk + make it right - bts

— pairing: jk x f. reader

— genre: fluff, angst

— word count: 2.7k

— warnings/tags: idol!jk, college student!oc, mild angst, they're best friends, insecurities and self-doubt thoughts.

— summary: in the eternal night that seems endless, jeongguk finds his peace in the light of the morning.

— author's note: hi anon! thanks for requesting :) summary is obviously inspired by the lyrics of make it right, which i used as the general inspiration for the story. i hope it doesn't stray too far from what you had in mind, hehe. enjoy!

a continuation of opposite of sun. i suggest to read that first before reading this!

masterlist

‘Jeongguk Takes Over Times Square With a Surprise Performance’

‘Massive Crowd Gathers In Times Square for a Jeongguk Surprise Performance’

‘Jeongguk Surprises Times Square Crowd With a Free Concert’

It’s been a day since Jeongguk’s surprise performance at Times Square, and the media headlines praising his performance just keep flooding in. In the articles, there were no flaws in his performance. Impeccable. Perfect. The media especially highlighted the way his fans only got a 30-minute notice before the performance, yet they were able to fill up the streets of Times Square. They were loud, singing along to his songs word for word, and Jeongguk is so proud.

The praises didn’t only come from online articles, they also came from the radio hosts and interviewers who were lined up in Jeongguk’s schedule today. It’s refreshing to answer questions outside of the usual ‘What’s your favorite food to eat in the US?’ and about his surprise performance instead. Jeongguk is grateful that his manager, Namjoon, scheduled these interviews after the performance instead of before it.

“Do I have any more interviews for today?” Jeongguk asks Namjoon, peeking at the clock on his phone. It’s only a little after seven in the evening. He knows it’s a silly question to ask, already knowing the answer by the look on Namjoon’s face.

“You have two more, actually,” Namjoon answers regardless. “Plus taping for two songs for one of them. I thought you knew this already?”

“Uh, yeah, just making sure.” Jeongguk clears his throat, eyes still on his phone.

“You’ve been checking your phone a lot today. Something wrong?” Namjoon inquires, a worried look replacing the duh one he had on his face earlier.

“No. Everything’s okay.”

Yes, something is very wrong.

It’s been more than a day since he video-called you, a little over a day since his performance at Times Square, and little less than a day since he texted you the YouTube link of said performance. In that time frame, his phone is completely void of any notification from you. No texts, no calls, even no tweets or an Instagram DM. You’ve been totally silent and it’s starting to get on his nerves. Why are you leaving him in the dark?

“You sure? You look like you want to punch someone.”

What he wants is praise from you! No, he doesn’t want it, he needs it. All the flowery words from the media and radio hosts mean nothing if he hasn’t heard one from you. Ever since he started his singing career, your opinion has always been one of the first ones he seeks. Without it, he’s lost. Left wondering whether his performance deserved the accolades, or they were only for his pretty face.

“Jeongguk, we’re here. Put a mask on and smile. You can worry about your best friend later,” Namjoon says the moment the car comes to a stop in the parking lot of a building somewhere in New York. Jeongguk looks at him as he’s getting off the vehicle, confused. His manager throws him a small smile. “Don’t look like that, it’s kinda obvious you’re thinking about her.”

“I haven’t heard from her since yesterday, hyung,” Jeongguk sighs. “I have the right to be worried.”

“You’re not the only one with stuff to do, you know? Maybe she’s busy too. I’m sure she’s fine,” Namjoon tries to reassure him. “Give her a call after this, to ease your mind.”

Namjoon is right. You’re probably busy juggling midterms and your part-time job back home. The chasm he felt yesterday opens back up, gaping to remind him that you two are worlds apart. Superstar Jeongguk who replies to texts in seven business days has no right demanding a reply from a regular college student after only one day.

Two more interviews. Two more songs to perform. Then he can hear your voice, see your face, and everything is going to be okay again.

Jeongguk finishes his schedule for the day a little after 1 AM. He tries to call you in the car, on the way back to his hotel. No answer. Tries again when he reaches his hotel room. Then tries again after he showered and changed into comfortable clothes to sleep in.

Ten missed calls.

Jeongguk goes to sleep with a dark cloud in his mind, completely restless.

In the morning, when the sun is already up—the way the moon is in Seoul, where you are—Jeongguk cracks his eyes open to stare at the ceiling in his room, his heart still heavy with worry. Also heavy is his head when he sits up on his huge hotel bed, likely due to his tossing and turning in his sleep all night. It doesn’t help that his lockscreen is still void of notifications labeled with your name. You’ve been MIA for almost two full days. Where are you?

He sends seven more bubbles in your chatroom, a sigh slipping past his lips when the tiny word under the blue bubble only reads delivered. He’s on his last thread of hope when he clicks on your contact picture to video call you, and that thread snaps when all he’s staring at on the screen is his own puffy and tired face.

Maybe he should order some breakfast. Get something to munch on, pry his mind away from the thought of you and what you’re up to in a country far, far away from where he is. He hopes you’re okay. He hopes you aced that midterm you were up until three to study for (although you spent the good part of the last hour talking to him on FaceTime). He hopes you’re eating well and not some instant cup ramyeon or shitty take-out from the Chinese place by your apartment that you frequent because it’s cheap.

After skimming through the room service menu, Jeongguk places an order of breakfast enough to feed five people. (What? He needs his energy. And a distraction.) The kind hotel staff who took his order informed him that his food will be ready in around 20 minutes. Good. Plenty of time to track his schedule for today and not think about you. (So much for a distraction.)

As it turns out, his itinerary for today is not packed with work schedule. Namjoon had only written ‘Explore’ along with a note to bring the camera noona who usually follows Jeongguk around to film all of his adventures as an idol. Said “adventure” is typically limited to dressing rooms of music shows, though. Oh, maybe Namjoon wants him to stroll around the city and make a vlog out of it, give his fans a little peek of what he does in his down time in New York.

In order to do that, he has to shower, get dressed, and maybe get his makeup done. He definitely needs to get his hair done, though, there’s no way he’s going out with this bird nest atop his head. Or maybe he could go natural, let his hair breathe for the day. Namjoon said it makes him look like a college boyfriend, and apparently, his fans love the look. Throw some hoodie and jeans on, and Jeongguk would be ready to go to class with you.

Ah, you again.

His mindless scrolling on Twitter in procrastination halts, the words on his phone not registering as his mind goes back to you. What would it feel like to go to class with you? To watch your focused face in class, trying to absorb knowledge from the professor? To be there next to you, answer your question whenever you struggle to grasp a concept? To be your college boy—

A knock on his door interrupts his thoughts.

Jeongguk stills, waits for the shout of room service! to follow, but it never comes. The clock on his phone tells him it’s only been 10 minutes since he ordered breakfast, so maybe it’s not room service after all. Maybe it’s a staff member, coming to tell him to get ready for the day.

As Jeongguk makes his way to the door, come some more knocks, this time more tentative than the one prior. Before he could reach the door, the person on the other side speaks.

“Jeongguk..?” It sounds muffled by the door, but the voice rings familiar in his ears. It’s the voice he last heard almost two days ago, via a video call connection between New York and Seoul. Could it be? No, it couldn’t … right?

Jeongguk’s eyes are right in front of the peephole just as the voice sounds again: “It’s me, Bun…”

There, in front of his hotel door, stands a girl 15 centimeters shorter than him, dressed in black jeans and her favorite sage green sweater, with a lump of black fabric hanging off her left arm. A faded black baseball cap sits on her head, so faded it looks almost navy. When she finally looks up to peek at the peephole, Jeongguk loses his breath.

It’s you. It’s really you.

Jeongguk is so stunned that he’s frozen in place, just staring at your confused expression that slowly morphs into one of anxiety.

“Did Namjoon give me the wrong room number..?” you mumble, fishing your phone out of your pocket.

Jeongguk has never yanked a door open that hard in his life.

You tear your eyes away from your phone, jumping in surprise at the sudden movement. His eyes lock with yours, and the shock on your face melts into a smile.

“Hi!”

You’re obviously exhausted, having just got off a 14-hour flight from Seoul, moving 13 timezones backward, seeing the sun when you’re supposed to see the moon. But the way you beam at him is full of glee, your eyes bright despite the obvious fatigue. Jeongguk is mesmerized.

Wordlessly, he reaches for your shoulders to pull you into a hug. They feel more prominent than the last time he hugged you, and he doesn’t know whether it’s from your haphazard eating schedule or just … time. He doesn’t remember when he last gave you a hug. Doesn’t remember the last time he saw you in the flesh like this.

“You just woke up, didn’t you?” you say from somewhere near his collarbone.

“Maybe,” Jeongguk mumbles. “Maybe not. I feel like I’m still dreaming.”

“Up in the clouds, are we?” you chuckle. “Well, if you’re done dreaming then maybe we could come in? Backpack’s starting to hurt my shoulders.”

It’s right at that second that Jeongguk just realizes the huge backpack hanging off your small frame. The poor bag is bursting at the seams, like it’s gonna comically explode if you even try to unzip it. Jeongguk closes his fingers around the small handle on top, testing the weight.

“Did you fit your whole life into this? Why is it so heavy?” he complains, immediately untangling your arms from his body so he can slide the backpack off you and onto him instead. “I feel like I’m about to do the 20 kilometers march in the military.”

“Hah! Try navigating JFK with that on your shoulders. It’s way harder than the military,” you huff, following Jeongguk into his hotel room.

He sets your backpack down on one of the couches, turning around to get answers to a thousand questions in his head, but pauses when he sees you’re still standing by the door. Your eyes are scanning the room slowly, stopping at Jeongguk to look at him with an unreadable expression on your face.

“What?” Jeongguk says.

“It’s huge,” you say. “The room, I mean. They usually are in your vlogs, but it’s different seeing it in person.”

This could turn into another conversation about their differences quickly, but Jeongguk is not in the mood to deal with distance today. For once, you’re an arms-length away from him. He doesn’t want to fuck this up and send you back to KST, 13 timezones away.

“Eh, I think your backpack is bigger.” He shrugs. Safe route, for now. “What do you have inside that bag, really?”

“My brick ass laptop, thank you,” you say sarcastically, finally going deeper into the room just to give your backpack a protective hug. “Still have a midterm to finish and submit here.”

“You still have midterms and you’re here in New York?” Jeongguk gapes. “Why?”

“Because you asked me to be here,” you state like it’s obvious. “Well, not like that, but you looked so sad on our last video call that I booked a flight here as soon as we hung up the call. Didn’t really realize the weight of it until I was watching your performance with Yeseo and I blurted out that I bought a ticket to New York and how maybe it was a stupid thing to do on a whim like that. She looked at me like I was stupid and said I should totally go. So. Here I am.”

If selective hearing is a sin, then Jeongguk would be guilty because he heard nothing beyond the part where you said you were watching his performance.

“You watched my performance?” He parrots his thoughts. “But you said you would have been asleep…”

“No sleep is worth my best friend’s sadness.” You throw him a small smile. “Actually, Yeseo set an alarm for it. And then I went to have the midterm with a terrible headache because I didn’t get enough sleep. But it’s worth it, the performance was amazing. You did great on that stage.”

“I did great…?”

At this point, Jeon Jeongguk should change his name to Parrot Jeongguk, because all he ever does is just repeat things he heard. First his thoughts, now you.

“Yes, of course you did great, Jeongguk. Wasn’t it obvious, the way your fans were screaming their lungs out for you?”

I only wanted to hear it from you, Jeongguk thinks. The media headlines and praises from the radio hosts and interviewers flash in his mind, all positive feedback for his performance, yet still planted a seed of doubt in his mind. It caused an ugly darkness to settle in his mind, one that worsened with every call you didn’t pick up.

“Why’d you ghost me, then?”

Way to ruin this moment, Jeon Jeongguk.

“I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry. Between catching up on sleep and rushing for the flight, I just didn’t have the time to look at my phone at all. Also, I was on the plane? It takes a long time to get here from Korea if you didn’t know.”

“So it’s not because my performance is bad?”

You get up from your position on the couch to grip him on the shoulders, your nails digging into the material of his t-shirt. You have to strain your neck to be able to look him in the eyes, but you hold his gaze firmly like the position doesn’t hurt you at all.

“Jeon Jeongguk, listen to me. Your performance was great, you looked handsome, your singing was on-point, your high note was awesome, your dancing was super cool, and the crowd was really loud. I don’t know what kind of validation you seek, but I personally think everything about your performance was perfect.”

Yours. I only want your validation.

Slowly, the darkness in his mind begins to disperse, replaced by this warm beam of light piercing through the clouds. It settles in his mind like a blanket, protecting him from any more bad thoughts. He thinks it’s because of you, bringing light wherever you go. Can that light be shared with him? Will he glow from the inside out if he connects his lips with yours? Why does he want to lock lips with you?

“Jeongguk, are you okay? You look like you’re floating in the clouds again.”

Yeah. No. I want to press my lips against yours. Can I?

Three knocks sound from the door. And then: room service!

Jeongguk clears his throat (and his mind along with it.)

“Do you want to explore New York with me after we have breakfast?”

Jeongguk might want more, and he might be ready to admit it. After all, the light to his darkness is here. If not now, then when?

“Sure, it’ll be a fun best friend adventure!”

…maybe some other time.

a/n: thank you for reading! i'm planning to have a part 3 of this but let's see if i can actually find the time to write it ahah

#bts #jungkook #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #fanfic #fic #bts fic #bts fanfic #bts au #bts college au #jungkook college au #jungkook drabble #jungkook oneshot #jungkook au #jungkook scenarios #jungkook fluff #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook angst

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itsdefinitely · 1 year ago

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you're the one that entered my clown car and now you complain that it's crowded

hey don't cry. the jeri/rys will never be able to share simple human intimacy. they'll never get to hold hands. why are you crying louder

#definitely a reblog #boy jerry #girl jeri #abstinence camp #nightmare time 2 #hatchetfield #youve given me another excuse to talk about them now you have to reap what you sow #isnt it funny that the thing theyre running from. that theyre suffering the consequences of. that they despise above all else #is the thing they end up talking about for the rest of their lives and known for after they die #isnt that funny.#qctually theyre not even suffering the consequences of sex. not really. theyre suffering the consequences of viewing it as a bad thing #theyre auffering the consequences of their upbringing which was fully beyond their control. you dont choose how you get raised #also i strongly believe that they embody like every sin ever #they get angry. they get prideful. they get envious. they get gluttonous. they get greedy. they get lazy #but not lustful! no. thats the bad one. we're not that one!#they repress that one so hard that the others bubble to the surface #but like. what maybe hurts me most about them js that theyre TRYING to do a good thing #yes in a manipulative and horrible way. but theyre trying so hard to be good. to atone for their crime against god #and yes theyre not actually doing a good thing. but theyre trying. is there any merit in that?#how much do they have to pay until theyre forgiven? by either their church or by each other #how tall is the mountain they have to climb?#it's too high up. they end up having to die.#black friday lyrics aside #has anyone noticed how theyre continuing the cycle of generational hatred of lust #like do they even teach jerry jr that sex is okay after marriage. or does jerry jr think its a bad thing in any scenario #(to be clear i dont share the “no sex before marriage" value. have fun be safe)#jerry jr will end up teaching impressionable kids those values. and you know sure as hell grace is using him as a fearmongering tool #and then those kids might eventually teach their kids those values #i could keep going but i think im the only one thats even gonna read this or agree with it at all #i havent even gotten to the minotaur/daedalus/icarus parallels

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lumosinlove · 16 days ago

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Vaincre

Link to Ao3

june part viii

“Hold on, hold—What did you say?”

Sirius stepped out onto the moonlit porch of the cottage and put a finger over his free ear—as if it was his fault he could barely hear the words his little brother was saying. Regulus’ call had come half-way through washing up after dinner, Julian begging for a nighttime game of pick-up, and Hope laughing at Remus for eating the last of the apple pie straight from the dish. He’d assumed he was calling about travel plans, but he hadn’t expected the thumping music in the background or cacophony of laughing voices.

“I said I’m driving up day after tomorrow,” Regulus shouted, then laughed at something and said hello to someone, telling them to make themselves at home.

Sirius briefly wondered where he’d picked up the phrase and learned to use it so easily. It wasn’t like they’d heard it much. Make yourself at home. Instantly, Sirius thought of that basement bedroom at Pascal’s, and their warm kitchen—the kids doing homework, Celeste and Pascal cooking. Sirius, you don’t have to ask for water or anything else. Please, help yourself.

“I know that,” Sirius shouted back to Regulus, even though he probably didn’t have to. “You—ouais, you already told me that?”

“Oh. I did? Okay!”

“Ouais, I—” Sirius turned as Remus’ face appeared through the screen door, a questioning look on his face.

“You good?” Remus asked. “You’re yelling?”

Sirius pulled the phone away a bit. “I think my brother is drunk calling me.” He pressed the speaker back to his cheek. “Are you okay?”

Remus, obviously trying not to laugh, retreated back into the house.

“I just wanted to call,” Regulus shouted in his ear. “I just wanted to say, see you soon. Just wanted to say I’m glad this is—”

There was a long pull of silence, during which Sirius couldn’t tell if Regulus was talking to someone else, had dropped his phone perhaps, or was just thinking.

“I’m glad…” He began finally. “I mean, I’m glad these things happened.”

He didn’t sound drunk, Sirius supposed. He just sounded…unsure.

“What things?” Sirius asked.

“Everything.”

“What?”

“I just wanted to call you! And hear your voice, Sirius, fuck.”

“Why? Are you okay?”

More cursing, a blend of French and English. “Yes. Nothing has to be wrong for me to want to talk to you.”

“I…Ouais, okay.”

It seemed like he had moved somewhere quieter, but only by a bit. There was still music, low and filled with quick-lyrics, and Sirius caught passing parts of English conversations. Sirius picked out one voice, a girl, who said Regulus’ name and find me later.

“Who is that?” Sirius asked, then felt stupid.

Regulus didn’t hear him, busy telling the girl something before the speaker rustled, back against his ear.

“So. Finn and Alex go running every day,” Regulus shouted over the music. “I mean, when they can. When they’re in the same city.”

Sirius hadn’t known that, but, then again, Regulus probably spent more time with the Cubs. He should stop thinking of them as the Cubs. That had been Finn and Logan during their rookie seasons, and then Leo, but they didn’t really deserve that anymore. Especially not with a Cup.

“I—That’s nice.” Sirius looked towards the lake. The waves were soft tonight. All the boats had long gone home. Did he want to go running together? “I thought you were sort of done with…”

“No, I don’t want to run, I just…”

For the next few seconds, and Sirius pulled his phone back to watch some of the time go by on the screen, there was more silence. This was their way. He wished it wasn’t, he wished he had the right words to fill every part of his brother’s mind until he could cancel out all the wrong ones. But half-finished sentences it was. Half-thoughts that somehow found completion once they both stuttered and tried a few dozen times.

“I’m just saying,” Regulus said. “I’m just saying that when I get there, I’m your brother not your house guest.”

Sirius looked back towards the screen door at that, hoping Remus would be there. House guest? What did that mean?

“Did that sound bad?” Regulus said loudly.

“Non,” Sirius said. “I—non. I don’t—okay.” He was sort of panicking. Dumo would have known what to say. “I’m—sorry.”

“Non. C’est—Non. I’m saying it all wrong.”

Finn and Alex run. House guest.

“I…” Sirius cleared his throat. “Reg, I can barely hear you. I don’t know…I don’t know what else… I didn’t mean to make you feel like we’re…”

Not as good as other brothers.

“I just mean.” Over everything, he did hear the breath Regulus let out. Someone else said his name through a laugh and a hello. “Hi, yeah, come on in.”

Sirius waited, unsure how to have this conversation with music and other people right there.

“I should probably go,” Regulus said. “Sorry, I know you’re with everyone. And I know I’m—it’s loud, sorry. I don’t know.”

“I’m not with everyone,” Sirius said.

“Ha, right.”

Something definitely took a tumble in the background. The music soared up, louder, and Regulus cursed.

“Shit,” he said. “Sorry! Someone—Sirius?”

“I’m here,” Sirius said. “I’m right here.”

“I should…” The next words, shouted like they were talking to each other over a windstorm, still hit Sirius somewhere soft and gentle. “Hey, I get to stand next to you, right? On the day? Your day.”

Sirius pressed a hand over his chest and found the lake blurring through what must be a few tears. That. That had surprised him. It probably shouldn’t have.

“Please,” Sirius said, then laughed a little when Regulus did. “Yeah, you’ll stand next to me.”

“Good. Okay, good.” Someone else said Regulus’ name.

Sirius realized he still thought of him as his quiet brother, half pressed against the sides of rooms so nothing could surprise him.

He felt only pure relief in realizing that wasn’t true anymore.

“I love you,” Regulus said suddenly, a gasp of breath almost. “So. Yeah, I do. And I’ll see you soon.”

“I—see you soon,” Sirius said, staring, unseeing, at the lake. “I love you, too, Reg.”

He sort of forgot to go back inside. He didn’t know how long he’d been sitting on the top porch step until a blanket appeared around his shoulders and Remus sat down close enough to press their hips and shoulders together.

“Is he okay?” Remus asked. “You’ve been out here for a while, I couldn’t tell if you were still on the phone.”

“Sorry,” Sirius said. “I didn’t help with dishes.”

“More than enough hands for that.” Remus turned Sirius’ hand over and traced a line of his palm with his thumb. “Everyone’s gone up to bed.”

“He just said he…” Sirius cleared his throat. “He just wanted to call me.”

Remus nodded. “Okay…Is he all good?”

Sirius nodded. “Yeah, he—he said Finn and Alex go running together when they’re in the same city. And that when he gets here, I should treat him like a brother? Not like a house guest?”

Remus laughed, just a little. “Well, okay, then. Blunt, as usual.”

“I have no idea what any of it meant.” Sirius rubbed a hand through his hair. “I don’t think he was actually drunk? I mean, I don’t know.”

“Sounds like he wants to spend time with you.”

Sirius shook his head, bewildered. “Sounds like he wishes we were Finn and Alex. Merde, or you and Jules. I don’t…”

“No,” Remus said, hand hooking over Sirius’ shoulder. He rested his chin there, too.

“Yes.” Sirius sighed. “I don’t know. He was so… He has all of these friends, and then he said he loved me, and asked if he gets to stand next to me. I thought—I mean, of course?”

“Did you tell him that?”

“Yes.”

“No, I mean before.”

“Well—Before when?”

Remus squeezed his arm. “He might have thought you’d choose James. Or Pascal. Julian said he thought I was going to choose Thomas when I told him he’d be next to me.” Sirius felt Remus’ quiet laugh against his neck. “Then he googled weddings and got all freaked out I was going to make him give a speech.”

Sirius smiled. “Oh God, Reg is not going to give a speech, there’s no way.”

“That’s fine,” Remus said. “We have a lot of people who are going to want to say something. I went with my dad and sorted out the whole music, sound-system situation today. I don’t know if we’re going to be able to stop potential karaoke.”

“Oh God. James.”

“Yeah.”

“Finn.”

“What, you’re not going to sing me a song, Black?”

“There’s a lot of things I’ll do for you…That’s maybe not one.”

“Well, damn.”

“Unless you…like, really want me to.”

“I would never torture you like that.”

Sirius pressed his smile into Remus’ cheek, enjoying the way Remus leaned further against him. Something made the nearby waves pick up, and Sirius closed his eyes, suddenly wanting to be in their room with the windows open, listening to them as they fell asleep.

“We owe your entire family a vacation,” Sirius said. “A long one.”

“For real, though,” Remus laughed. When Sirius put his hand out, Remus laced their fingers together. “Hey.”

Sirius looked down at him. He had more freckles than Sirius had ever seen him with. They dotted across his nose and cheeks. They would be there for their wedding photographs. Something about them made Remus look like he had when Sirius had first met him in his Lions staff jacket. Hi, Sirius? I’m Remus Lupin. Is there anything I can do for you?

Remus hooked a finger in the neck of his shirt, pulling his attention back to right then.

“You’re the one who found a whole new sort of family,” Remus said. “It’s good Regulus is doing that, too.”

“I know.”

“And you’re doing it again. You’re my family and we’re yours. That includes Reg—believe me. If you don’t make him know it, my mom will.”

Sirius smiled. “Hope Lupin versus Regulus Black. That—oh, what’s the thing your dad says?”

“Which thing?”

“Ah…” Sirius squinted upwards, carding a hand through Remus’ hair. “Oh. We love to see it.”

Remus tilted his head back, laughing. “We love to see it. Oh my God. You’re funny that you remember that.”

They leaned their heads together. The waves had quieted. Sirius watched Remus’ thumb make slow tracks over his knuckles and wrist. The woods around them rustled, and a cluster of crickets sang somewhere close by. Sirius still couldn’t believe how many stars he could see here.

“I know we just said how much help we’re getting with wedding things,” Remus said quietly. “And that we owe them a vacation, so we should probably stick around. But…”

“But?” Sirius said, then he couldn’t help himself anymore and leaned in to kiss Remus. He made a soft, happy sound. Sirius pressed his thumb over his engagement ring.

“Do you maybe,” Remus hardly leaned away to speak, “want to drive somewhere tomorrow?”

“Just us,” Sirius said, and kissed him again, then again, in time with the hush of the lake’s shore.

“Just us.”

“No.”

Finn laughed as he reached the end of the pier before Alex, catching himself on the railing. He pulled back, letting himself hold on by his fingertips as he tilted his head up to the sky and let out a whoop.

“I win,” he shouted. “I fucking win.”

“I let you win,” Alex panted. He had his hands on his knees and was trying to blink sweat out of his eyes. “Tell me, who’s in the playoffs right now and needs to conserve their strength? Oh yeah. Me.”

“Fuck off,” Finn said. “I’m not even out of breath.”

“That’s because you’re a freak.”

Finn reached forward and flicked the bill of Alex’s cap up, knocking it to the ground.

Alex swiped at him, making to hit him in the groin, but Finn jumped back, out of reach. Alex scowled as he picked up his hat.

Finn turned back towards the water. The day’s heat was catching on now and he adjusted his own cap, pushing his sweaty hair back.

“No training today, right?” Finn asked.

“Nope.” Alex came to stand beside him. “Day off. Tomorrow, though. Morning’s optional. Do you know if Tremz is going?”

“I’ll ask him.”

They walked in the sun until they could cross back across the road and the smooth pavement of the river paths turned into the West Village’s cobblestones. There was a cluster of dogs outside of their regular coffee shop and Finn saw Alex snap a photograph of a particularly glossy golden retriever and send it off to Kasey.

“Are you bringing breakfast back or are they meeting you?” Alex asked.

“Lo’s probably sleeping still—bringing back.”

Alex nodded. “Do you—like urgently, or—Want to sit for a bit?”

Finn raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, I wanna sit. Are you okay?”

Alex turned his hat backwards as they went inside the shop. “Why?”

“You just started three different sentences.”

Alex kept his eyes on the menu. “I just—What are you poking me for, I want to have coffee with you, I’m being nice.”

Finn put his hands up. “Okay. Be nice, then.”

They ordered and found a table out front, so small they had to sit side-by-side to avoid being in the middle of the sidewalk. It was half in the shade of a tree and in the shadow of a row of Citi Bikes. Finn watched Alex fidget with his straw.

“How’s your shoulder?” Finn asked.

“What? Oh, fine. Just one of those things. Doesn’t bother me enough to bother me.”

Finn nodded. “Yeah. Lo’s got that with one of his calves. Doesn’t bother him on the ice but at home he’s all—you know. Harz, Le, can you get that, my leg.”

Alex laughed. “Let me guess. You get it for him.”

“So what if we do?”

“Shocker.”

Finn laughed, shaking the ice cubes around in his cup. “Whatever.”

They watched two beagles pass by, one coming over to sniff intently at Finn’s shoe. Finn asked if he could pet them, mostly trying to give Alex a moment to say whatever he wasn’t saying. He ran his palm over the dog’s soft ears, smiled at the warm kisses of its tongue against his wrist, and nodded his thanks to the owner who continued on.

“They’re not getting married. Yet.”

Finn watched the dogs go for another moment. Their white-tipped tails swished happily in unison. Twins. Brothers.

Finn turned back in his seat and took a sip of his coffee. Alex was looking at him out of the corner of his eye. He had one of his knees bouncing. When it rattled the table, he stopped.

“Hello?” Alex sighed.

Finn put an arm around him and pulled them together. The bill of Alex’s hat, low on the back of his neck, bumped into Finn’s nose, but Finn just held on tighter.

“Al…” Finn squeezed him hard. “Thank God, fuck.”

“I—yeah.” Alex sighed, slumping into him a little. “Guess you were right. I was worried. And sad.”

“I know,” Finn said. He pulled back. “How is everything now?”

Alex laughed, rubbing at his jaw. “Fuck. So much better. It’s like I was using half my lungs or something.”

“Don’t I know that feeling.”

“Yeah, what is up with us?”

“Mm…I don’t know. Maybe mom knows.”

Alex shook his head like he was still clearing the fog of these last months. He turned his face up towards the sunlight coming through the trees. “Yeah, she probably knows. Anyway…”

Finn raised his eyebrows and Alex shrugged.

“There you have it,” Alex said.

“There you have it? C’mon, how’d it go down?”

Alex groaned. “It went down, that’s all that matters.”

“Alex. What happened to telling each other things?”

“There’s nothing to tell. Natalie and I talked and then Kasey and I talked and—I don’t know, I confessed?”

“Al.”

“And I cried.” Alex slapped his hand to his thigh, laughing a little. “Which was—nice. But embarrassing.” He messed with his straw again, the paper scratching against the plastic lid. “I don’t think I even—really knew how worried I was. I think I assumed they would get tired of me. And I was just going to have to be okay with that.”

“I’ll beat up anyone who thinks they could get tired of you.”

Alex smiled slightly. “I’m glad I was wrong.”

“O’Haras don’t do sometimes. We’re all-day-every-day.”

“Ha, yeah. I guess that’s true.”

“So, you’re spending the summer together?”

“Yeah, gonna go to California, train with one of Kase and I’s old teammates. See Natalie’s family. What are you guys doing after the wedding?”

“France,” Finn said. “New Orleans.”

“Fancy you.”

Finn smiled. “Lo’s hoping for a Cup day in August, obviously, and he wants to bring it to Harvard with Percy and Will.”

“You gonna go?”

Finn nodded. “I want to take Leo all around. I mean…If he wants. I think he’ll like it? But I don’t want it to feel like…”

“‘Here are all the things we did without you?’”

“Yeah, exactly.” Finn stretched his legs out under the table. “I want—I’d mean it like, look, this is special now because you’re here, too. I mean, it was special before with just Lo, but it was also just…”

“Sad,” Alex finished.

“Yeah.” Finn laughed. “Are you going to finish all my—”

“Sentences.”

“Al—”

“—ex, stop,” Alex wined, then laughed loudly when Finn punched his arm.

“Okay, I’m done having coffee with you.”

Alex laughed and stood up. “Yeah, yeah, if you don’t get Tremz his chocolate he’ll bite you.”

“I mean, you’re—”

“—not wrong,” Alex said, then jumped out of Finn’s reach.

“Alex.”

“Okay, okay.” Alex lifted an arm and pulled Finn in. “See you later, yeah?” He pulled back and flicked his forehead. “Love you, Fish.”

Finn squinted one eye closed. “If you say so.”

Finn waited until Alex was halfway down the street, fishing his keys out of his pocket.

“I love you, too!” Finn shouted.

Alex turned to laugh, shaking his head.

Finn shut the front door to Logan’s apartment as quietly as he could. He set the croissant bag down on the counter, along with his keys and wallet, humming as he went. There were signs that Leo had been awake. Some coffee in the glass pour-over container, and his phone on the counter.

“Of course you and Remus are both morning hummers.”

Finn turned sharply towards the living room. “Whoa.”

Regulus’ sharp smile flashed and faded from where he sat on their couch. “Hey there.”

“Hi. Sorry.”

“No, my bad, I should have said something.”

“No. I mean—all good.” Finn took down a plate for the pastries. “Does morning hummer mean what I think it means?”

Regulus raised his eyebrows. “Uh. I don’t know. What does it mean?”

“Well…” Finn glanced in the direction of the bedroom. “Well, what do you think it mea—”

“Let’s just drop it.”

“Yeah, good idea.” Finn took a sip of his coffee. “If I’d known you were coming over, I’d have brought you something.”

“It’s all right,” Regulus said. “Leo said I are getting breakfast before I head up to Remus’ lake house tomorrow.”

“Ah, yes. Wedding. Best man, right?”

“I think James thinks he is, but it’s me.”

“Of course it’s you!” Leo emerged from the direction of the bedrooms, freshly showered, and pressed a kiss to Finn’s cheek. “Morning, Harz. You look so cute. Little tomato.”

“Thanks? I think.” He twisted Leo’s gray streak, still damp, once around his finger. “Sleep okay?”

“Second half of the night, yeah.” Leo let Finn run a hand over his hair, eyes closing happily. “How’s Alex?”

“He’s good. I beat him home, so, ha.” Finn put a thumb over Leo’s bottom lip. “Where’s our pet hockey player?”

Leo laughed, took his hand, and kissed it. “Still snoozing.”

Yes. Finn set the plate down. “Cool. I’m going to…” He glanced at Regulus. “Go say hi to him and then shower.”

“Say hi to him?” Leo repeated with a snort. “Okay, call it what you want, I guess. Reg and I are getting breakfast. Oh, and I think we’re going to his friend’s birthday party tonight—you wanna come?”

“Love to.” Finn looked at Regulus. “Is that okay?”

“Of course it’s okay,” Regulus said, standing. “Logan, too, if he wants.”

“We’ll see if he feels like he’s gotta lie low,” Leo said. He shrugged at Finn who nodded. Then Leo made a happy sound and wrapped his arms around Finn’s shoulders. “Party with you, I like the sound of that.” He pressed a firm kiss to Finn’s mouth and it felt like sparking wires. “I love you, I love you, you’re sweaty, ew, I love you.” He kissed Finn’s cheeks before whispering in his ear. “I know what you’re up to, you better change those sheets.”

“You got it, lover,” Finn whispered back.

“You guys are really bad at whispering,” Regulus said. He was standing by the door now. “Le, I want waffles.”

“I want that special quiche they had that one time, fingers crossed.” Leo grabbed his wallet and keys, then stumbled a bit when Finn reeled him back in, straight into one more kiss.

“I love you,” Finn said. “Have fun.”

“You taste like summer,” Leo smiled. “See you tonight. Let Lo know and we’ll text you the address.”

“Tell Logan congrats on making the finals,” Regulus called, then the apartment door swung shut.

Finn slipped through their open bedroom door, undoing his watch as he went. He smiled at the sight that waited for him. Logan was sprawled across the whole bed, like he was searching for them even as he was asleep. He was on his back, bare save for the tight gray briefs that he favored, and his chin was tilted up with his arms by his head. The sheets were low enough to show his tattoo. Finn’s heart picked up just looking at him. He could feel himself getting turned on. Logan and Leo both liked making love in the morning, and if Finn wasn’t careful, he’d see every sunrise and get endlessly hopeful each time.

Finn sat on the edge of the bed, pushing his sweaty hair off his forehead. Logan didn’t stir. He put a hand on Logan’s hip, thumbing over the dark ink. Nothing. He leaned over and pressed a kiss right to the center of Logan’s chest. That got a deeper breath, one of only just waking up.

Logan peeked an eye open and then, seeing Finn, closed them again and let a slow, sleepy smile spread over his face.

“Hi,” Finn whispered. “Good morning.”

“Mmm…Cœur.” Logan kicked back the covers. “Did you run?”

“Yeah, just got back.”

Logan stretched, his back arching. By the sly, tired look in his eye he knew exactly what he looked like. “Do you want to…”

Finn nodded, rubbing a palm high over Logan’s inner thigh. “I really fucking do.”

The sound Logan made next was low in his throat and pleased. “Come here.”

“Leo doesn’t like it when I bring outside sweat into the sheets,” Finn said—just to make him ask again.

“Good thing they’re my sheets,” Logan said.

Finn laughed and reached behind him to yank off his shirt. “That’s true.”

He shed his shorts and socks, too, and Logan tugged him down by the band of his underwear.

“If someone told you I was a morning hummer…” Finn mumbled into his kiss.

Logan threw a leg around Finn’s hip and pushed him onto his back. “Who’s someone?”

“Not Leo.”

Logan settled his weight down over Finn’s clothed cock and rocked slightly. He pressed one more kiss to Finn’s mouth before putting his hands against Finn’s chest and sitting himself upright. “Not sure I like that someone else knows that.”

Finn smoothed his hands over Logan’s strong thighs, so warm from being tucked under the covers. “That’s what I thought. Regulus just said—”

Logan froze. “Like, here?”

“Regulus was in our living room. Emphasis on was. Him and Le are at breakfast now, so…”

Logan sighed happily and rolled his hips again. “Oh.”

Finn hissed a breath through his teeth. “Yeah, baby, carry on. He says congrats on making the final round, by the way. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for a few trips to Colorado. Not too many though.”

“Me too,” Logan said absently, more intent on palming Finn through the cotton material of his briefs, then himself. Finn could have lay there forever. He covered Logan’s hand with his and tucked a thumb into the front slip of his briefs to feel the silk of him.

Logan pushed into his touch, then bent to kiss him before reaching for the bedside table. Logan held the jar they kept there out to Finn and bit his lip around a smile.

“Oh, now he’s bashful,” Finn said, taking it.

Logan let loose his full grin and fell forward, tucking his face into Finn’s neck to bite at the sweat-damp skin. It was a bit of a tangle, ridding themselves of the rest of their clothes, and Finn laughed softly at the way Logan splayed his thighs wide over his lap, grinding their half-hard cocks together.

“You smell,” Logan whispered.

“Well, if I recall what I’ve learned about you over these many years—”

But then Logan was kissing him, licking into his mouth until Finn bit down on his lower lip just to hear his low groan. Logan moved down to kiss the salt from his jaw and neck, firm lips and quick dashes of his tongue and sharp, just on the side of not-too-hard nips from his teeth. Finn wondered what Logan would say if he asked him to just cover him in those biting kisses entirely and take his time about it.

“Did you have sweet dreams?” Finn asked, unscrewing the jar’s top.

“I’m in one,” Logan said, pulling back to watch Finn slick his fingers. “Did you have a good run?”

“Yeah,” Finn said, watching the way Logan’s eyes trained on his hand. “Got a chocolate croissant from that coffee shop by the river.”

Logan’s eyes darted to his, affronted.

Finn reached down and smoothed his hand over Logan’s ass. “Don’t give me that look.” He enjoyed the way Logan’s breathing hitched when he dug his palm into his muscles. “I don’t go near a bakery without leaving with something for my Lo.”

“Finn,” Logan whispered shakily.

“My sweet tooth creature of chocolate and sour candy.”

Logan pressed back against Finn’s slick touch.

“Of course it’s chocolate that turns you on.”

“You turn me on—” Logan cut off as Finn’s fingers found home, brows drawing together. His knees tightened around Finn’s hips. “Ah…”

Finn pressed his smile into Logan’s temple, then turned it into a kiss. They had time, so Finn kept his touches slow. The sun was coming through the window, lighting up dust in the air and throwing a warm slant across Logan’s lower back. Logan lay down against his chest and Finn could feel each one of his steady breaths. He kissed Finn’s skin every once in a while. Finn stroked his free fingers through Logan’s hair. It was almost like he was going to be put back to sleep, save for the needy thrum of his heart Finn could feel if he pressed a palm to his back. His skin still held that solid sort of heat he always had when he was sleeping, the warmth Leo and him always pressed their freezing fingers against in the middle of the night. Most people, Finn guessed as he felt Logan’s cock began to get wet between their stomachs, would shy away from any cold touch in their sleep. A slumbering Logan, however, always seemed to give them more room to warm up.

“Feels good?” Finn murmured. He scratched gentle fingers down the back of Logan’s neck and used the leverage of his other, slightly tweaking wrist to press deeper inside Logan’s body. More oil, a third finger that made Logan press his forehead into Finn’s chest and push back against his hand.

“Yeah,” Logan said. “Mhm, fuck.”

Finn rolled his head against the pillow to catch a good look at Logan’s parted mouth and shut, blissful eyes. His lashes cast those gorgeous shadows.

“You’re so fucking strong right now,” Finn said. “Fucking big, it’s…” Logan’s shoulders, the powerful muscles of his back, made Finn’s cock ache. He pressed hard into Logan, gentle with the pads of his fingers, until the corded muscles in Logan’s back shifted like rippling light and Logan gasped out a sound. “God, Lo, I love it.”

Logan’s laugh was a huffy, embarrassed sound, but his cheeks were pink and proud as he pushed himself to sit up, palms on Finn’s chest. Finn’s hand slipped out of him, but Logan was already reaching for the jar, then taking Finn in his hand, in both hands, to give him slow, smooth strokes.

Finn’s hips were pinned by Logan’s weight and he dug his nails into Logan’s thighs, trapped there with nothing to do but try to breathe through the sight of Logan’s scarred-knuckled hands around his cock. Logan watched, too, then darted his eyes to Finn’s face.

“I love your voice,” Logan said softly. His accent, sated already, dragged his words like a hand through clear water. He pushed himself onto his knees and positioned Finn’s cock, pausing to rub it against himself for a moment. “I love when it sounds like I’ve had you already and we haven’t even started.”

Finn just smiled and ran a hand through the mess Logan had left on his stomach. Then he felt the heat. Logan’s heat. It locked around him and Logan’s head dropped back in one, satisfied motion as he worked himself slowly down.

Finn’s toes curled and he dug his heels into the mattress. “Lo.”

“Mm,” Logan smiled up at the ceiling, eyes closed. He didn’t move. He stayed still, adjusting, before lifting himself so Finn could watch his cock slip nearly all the way out of him. Logan’s mouth fell open slightly, lost in the feeling if sinking down again. Finn, looking up from the mesmerizing sight of where they fit together, had expected his eyes to still be closed. But Logan was watching him.

“Sometimes, I can’t believe it’s you,” Logan whispered. He smoothed his palms up Finn’s chest over his heart. “I’m so—” He cut off as Finn accidentally slipped out of him. The sudden lack of contact ached and Finn hissed as his shaft jolted, seeking Logan and dripping beads of want from its tip.

“Non…” Logan began to say.

“Here, baby,” Finn was there, holding his hips and guiding them together again. “God.”

Finn felt his cock pulse, watched Logan feel it inside by the look on his face, saw the gleaming evidence of being as close to the edge as he was when Logan pushed himself up again. Finn splayed his hands over Logan’s ribs.

“So good,” Logan whispered. “You feel so good…”

Finn bent his knees, planting his feet on the bed to lift up into Logan’s body. It was the moments before the fall when he never felt deep enough, when ever part of him wanted to hear the sound of his skin moving against Logan’s more than anything.

He gripped Logan’s thighs, his fingers pressing indents into the strong muscle, and relished in the weight of Logan’s hands on his chest as he tried to keep his balance even as his breathing uneven. Logan reached behind him, hooking an elbow around Finn’s knee and found his rhythm again, letting himself fall down as Finn pushed up.

“Lo,” Finn grit out. It half-occurred to Finn that he should be doing most of the work, that Logan had other performances to pay attention to, but the blinding heat around him banished those thoughts quickly enough.

When Logan began to come, Finn knew he was only halfway there. He didn’t touch himself. Didn’t move to have Finn touch him.

“Ah—Ah—” Logan was loud. Hoarse, panting sounds fell from him that Finn swore were going to make him come. He reached down and pushed on the root of himself, trying to starve it off. Logan wasn’t done.

Logan leaned forward and fucked himself back on Finn in quicker snaps now as he painted strips of white over Finn’s body. Finn tilted his head back into the pillows, relishing the silky splash that reached up his chest, and the rhythmic squeezing of Logan’s orgasm around his cock.

“Fuck,” Finn said, hand circling Logan’s cock in a tight grip. “Oh, fuck, Lo, keep doing that, keep…”

Logan braced his hands on Finn’s ribs and began to push himself harder, hardly lifting off at all.

“Come here,” Logan whispered. He tangled his hands in Finn’s hair, gripping tightly, and kissed him.

Finn didn’t break the kiss as he went, just let Logan lick up his gasps. He pushed Logan onto his back in the rough, tumbling way he liked and hardly gave him any time for a please little laugh before he was grinding his cock into him, aiming straight for what would get Logan close to the edge of another one.

“Uh—” Logan pressed his teeth around Finn’s jaw, then dragged a half-kiss across his cheek until they were kissing as Finn rocked into him. “Yes, yes, Finn, yes…”

��I know.” Finn’s words sounded shaky to himself as he spread his palms down Logan’s back. He kissed the corner of Logan’s parted lips, the side of his nose, the high of his cheek. He caught a flash of green and Logan was suddenly looking at him again. It was written all over his face, how good he thought Finn felt inside. Finn could feel it in the half-smile they gave each other just before it was too much again and Logan dipped his fingers into Finn’s hair and brought their foreheads together. He felt it in the span of Logan’s hand down his back, then the way he cupped Finn’s jaw just to kiss him again through their mixed, heavy breaths.

Finn pressed his cock deep into him, almost straining for more, and stayed, and stayed, sucking a bruise into Logan’s neck until he felt him seize up around him and come between them again with a gasp. Finn smiled to himself.

“Good,” Finn whispered as he began to move again, chasing after his own now. “I’m gonna…”

“Yes.” Logan’s voice stuttered, pleasure that sounded like tears. He was trying to bring Finn closer with every part of him, drawing him in with his heels and the clutching of his hands and his core. He pushed his head back into the pillows and Finn kissed over the curve of his throat. He got a hand around the side of it, thumb just under his chin, so he could keep him like that while he added another bruise.

He thought of the party tonight as he rocked into Logan harder and watched the mark form as he worked Logan’s skin. Logan looked beautiful at parties. Low lights made his green eyes go dark. Anyone could see he was taken now. He’d need to pull Leo aside at some point, kiss him until he got that beautiful, open smile on his face like at the museum.

“Rouge,” Logan’s voice whispered. Two hands on the sides of his face. Logan had sweat beaded on his upper lip. Finn kissed him and slowed his hips. Logan reached down for his waist, coaxing him on. His thumbs were two lovely pressure points against each hip bone.

“Beautiful at parties,” Finn said softly.

Logan’s eyes edged on bewildered at that, but they were happy. They told Finn that Logan knew he’d been thinking about something, could even picture what he’d been thinking, at least a little. They’d always been that way. Logan nodded quickly, bottom lip between his teeth.

He began to fall over the edge at that look on Logan’s face. How had Finn ever convinced himself that Logan didn’t love him?

Logan opened up again at the feeling of Finn emptying inside him. Finn held his breath and closed a tight fist around the pillow beside Logan’s head. For a minute, they were just two heartbeats.

When he could breathe again, Finn peeked out from the warm crook of Logan’s neck. There was that small smile on his face, his eyes closed. He was making figure-eights around the notches of Finn’s spine. Finn shivered, sensitive now, and he eased himself from Logan’s body and tucked Logan into his side.

As he watched, Logan’s throat moved as he swallowed. Finn touched one of the love bites he’d left behind. Logan curled a gentle grip around his fingers, his palm against the back of Finn’s. He kissed the pads of his fingers and opened his eyes to look down at him.

“And what do I sound like now that you have actually had me?” Finn whispered, then winced one eye closed when his voice cracked.

“Sorry, what was that?” Logan laughed through the words.

“Shut up.” Finn ran a hand from Logan’s chest all the way down to the soft bend of his knee. “Oo-Ways.” Finn kissed his shoulder. “Want me to clean up?”

Logan thought for a moment, stretching beneath Finn’s hands. “Non. Shower soon.”

“Want me to bring you a chocolate croissant?”

Logan smiled. “Hm. Chocolate. What a turn on.”

Remus rolled the car windows down to let the smell of the lake and trees in, and smiled when he felt Sirius’ hand settle on his thigh as he drove them up towards the mountain trails.

“I still feel bad,” Sirius sighed. “Fuck.”

“Julian is not mad at you.” Remus said. “All we said was that we were going on a date—he can’t be mad that he couldn’t come.”

“But he was,” Sirius groaned.

“Disappointed maybe. He’ll live.”

“He’s going to hate me.”

“He literally could never hate you.”

“He’s going to start liking James more.”

Remus laughed. “Oh. So, that’s what you’re really worried about.”

Sirius just frowned at the sun-streaked road. Remus reached up to ruffle his hair. “Turn left here.”

He’d packed a simple picnic lunch and picked a straight-forward trail to a lookout that he’d hiked to a million times. The earth was spongy and soft beneath his feet as he settled the small lunch box, packed with icepacks, at the bottom of his bag. Making sure Sirius wasn’t looking, he opened it briefly to check all was right, then zipped up his pack.

Sirius started a few paces ahead of him, head forward as he climbed over roots and rocks like they were racing and he was determined to come in first place.

“Hi, I’ll just be back here,” Remus called out. “Your fiancé, trying to take you on a romantic hike.”

Sirius didn’t turn right away, so focused that it took him a moment to register that Remus had spoken. He stopped on top of a flat rock and looked back.

“Quoi? Did you say something?”

“I said I’m just your fiancé, back here, trying to take you on a romantic hike.”

“What?” Sirius laughed and stepped down. He retraced his steps back to Remus’ side. Even in the more mild mid-mornings, sweat already shone on his cheeks.

“Aren’t we trying to get to the top?”

Remus laughed. “Um. We’re going to get to the top.” He tugged at Sirius’ backpack strap. “Doesn’t mean we have to do it in under an hour.”

“Oh.” Sirius’ smile, aimed at the trees, was sheepish. “Right.”

Sirius stuck close to him after that, bending to feel a small stream running past them, or pausing to take Remus’ picture. Remus laughed himself hoarse when the rustle of a rabbit, darting between bushes, caused Sirius to jump half out of his skin. Sirius laughed himself when Remus stepped right into another small stream and walked the rest of the way disgruntled by a soaked sock.

They came to the summit sweating and out of breath, but as the trees opened up to reveal only sky and blue-purple mountains, they both stood quietly.

“Wow,” Sirius said. He turned in a slow circle, pushing his hair out of his eyes. “It’s like we’re the only two left.”

“If there’s anyone I would choose…” Remus began, and Sirius started to smile. “It would be Thomas.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Ouais, sure. Thomas.”

They found a shade-spotted place beneath a tree and Sirius rolled out the blanket from his pack while Remus set out their lunch of turkey sandwiches with cranberry sauce—Sirius’ smile was worth the slightly soggy bread.

“Hey,” Sirius said softly. He turned Remus’ gaze away from his bag with a hand on his chin, and kissed him. Remus had expected it to be quick, and the warm swipe of Sirius’ tongue, then the small scrape to his bottom lip, made him sway and catch himself with a hand on Sirius’ knee. Sirius smiled at him when he pulled back. “Feels like yesterday.”

Remus nodded. From the corner of his eye, he could see his ring. “Yeah, it really does.”

“This is perfect.”

“Wait,” Remus said, then produced from between cold-packs, a half-bottle of champagne.

“Loop,” Sirius laughed delightedly. “Really—C’est parfait.”

Remus began to untwine the wire. “I thought you’d like that.”

They let the sun creep towards their blanket. The champagne in the plastic cups caught the light, and Remus wiggled his nose at some bubbles as Sirius cut into a ripe pear and passed him slices as he went.

“So.” Sirius took a sip of champagne. “Do you think anyone would listen to me if I tried any pull that might get Tremz back?”

Remus leaned back on his elbows. “Hm. Well, it’s not like—I mean, you wouldn’t exactly have to convince anyone on our side. But the Rangers would have to be willing to deal. Money would be the problem.”

“I think about it when I’m trying to fall asleep sometimes. I’d take a pay cut,” Sirius said. “And I wouldn’t ask that of Leo so early in his career, but I bet Finn would, too.”

“And Kasey’s retiring,” Remus added. “That frees up quite a bit.”

“Ouais, this is what I’m saying.”

“But if the Rangers aren’t interested—”

Sirius sighed. “Yeah…Yeah.”

“Logan’s about to get them to a Cup, their first in a long time, if all goes to plan.”

Sirius didn’t say anything, just looked out towards the mountains. He set the core of the pear aside, wiping the leftover juices on a napkin.

Remus sat up again. He rested a hand on Sirius’ sun-warmed neck. “I’m sorry, baby. I know you miss him.”

Sirius nodded. “I do, but… More I just…If we ever got traded apart—”

“La la la.” Remus scrunched up his nose. “No, don’t. We’re drinking champagne, you can’t talk like that while we’re drinking champagne.”

It had been one thing this year, getting used to being on a team with all of his closest friends. It would be something entirely different to be in another locker room, filled with other players—some of which probably wouldn’t trust his experience.

“I was just going to say, if it were me, or you, I’d hope someone would help me. And it has happened. A player leaving and returning. It happens.” Sirius glanced at Remus, then down. “This is going to sound bad, but I am the face of the Lions. When I got here, we were in a horrible slump. I was part of pulling them out of that. Me, James, Dumo, Kasey… Then Finn. Then Logan.”

“That doesn’t sound bad,” Remus said. “That sounds true. That is true. I’d know, I watched it happen.”

Sirius nodded, then groaned and fell back against the blankets, his head pillowed on Remus’ pack. “I’ll try. I just won’t say anything to him in case nothing happens.”

Remus set his cup in the grass and rolled onto his side to be near him. He righted with the 1 and 2 pendants, which had switched to twenty-one.

“I love you,” Remus said. He leaned down to press his nose into Sirius’ cheek, enjoying the slight scratch of his stubble. “I don’t know how anyone calls those grey eyes of yours cold.”

Sirius just smiled, his eyes closing. Remus lowered his head to his chest and felt his arm wrap around his shoulders. The sun felt like it was soaking into his very bones. The champagne had made his head pleasantly buzzy, and Sirius’ heart beat slowly beneath his ear.

“I love you, too,” Sirius said.

He had hardly finished the words when Remus felt one rain drop, two, right on his cheek—and then downpour.

The sky was still blue, even as the sudden shower was came down with such force that for a moment they both merely lay there, staring at each other. Finally, Sirius cracked a smile, let out a surprised laugh, and began to sit up.

“Whoa. Oh my God, shit, the—the blankets.”

Remus’ laugh startled out of him. He shut his eyes and turned his head up to the sky. “Oh my God.”

Distantly, thunder rumbled beneath the rattle of the rain on the trees.

“Here, Re, go under that tree and I’ll—”

But Remus just pushed at Sirius’ chest, getting him to stay where he was. “No. I—no, wait.”

Sirius’ t-shirt was already thin and clinging at his shoulders, carving itself into his muscles. He blinked fast, laughing as the rain ran into his eyes. Up close, there was nothing steely about his expression. He was rainwater. Remus tucked two fingers around the chain of his necklace.

“It’s just rain,” Remus said.

Sirius spluttered a little. “This is—someone turned a tap on.”

But Remus just laughed harder and put his hands into Sirius’ soaked hair. It slipped, silky and dark, between his fingers.

“I want to kiss you,” Remus said. Raindrops ran into his mouth and matted his hair down against his forehead. “I want to kiss you when no one is about to come around the corner or knock on our door our shout up the stairs.”

At that, Sirius stopped trying to salvage their small camp. His hands found Remus’ waist and he lay back on the soaked ground at Remus’ slight pressure. Let their champagne mix with the rain in the plastic cups. Remus wanted to see if he could taste that combination, and he leaned forward and kissed Sirius for the summer storm that he was.

Luke liked Saint in his apartment. He liked the steam coming out of his bathroom and the sliver-glimpse he got of his lean body stepping out of the glass-encased shower. Luke looked back to his own reflection in the mirror. He’d ironed his shirt, the soft white linen mostly unwrinkled now. At least, he’d tried. He snapped a quick photo and sent it to Logan with two question marks.

The reply came after a few moments.

Nice!!

Finn was looking over my shoulder he’s better at this - brown belt instead?

On subway also - maybe slow reply

Where are you going?

Luke sent him the link to the restaurant.

But I’ve never been. Finn have favorites?

This reply did take longer. Maybe the subway, maybe Finn thinking. Then a link came through. He tapped on the address and it loaded in Maps, showing a small restaurant, not too far away. The tables were small. Candles. Romantic. A wave of nerves heated Luke’s neck and he glanced at himself in the mirror.

Thanks a lot

“You’re dressed.”

Luke looked up at Saint’s voice. His expression matched the faint hint of surprise it had held. He had a towel around his waist.

Luke set his phone down on the dresser. His heart really shouldn’t be pounding this hard. They’d done this before. These almost-dates. Quiet-never-quite-said-dates. Romantic, sort of, but could be mistaken for anything by the table beside them. Business. Friends catching up.

“Did you want me to lie around naked all evening?” Luke asked.

Saint arched a brow, but he didn’t reply and Luke smiled down at the brown belt he was weaving through his slacks.

“Why are you dressed like that?” Saint stepped in a slow arc around him, as if he needed every detail of Luke. Maybe there was something wrong with Luke’s heart. Maybe love didn’t make everyone feel this way. But it was nice. He wanted Saint to make him explode, actually, he really kind of did.

Logan was on the subway with Finn. They were probably standing or sitting pressed together. Maybe kissing once or twice. Luke had kissed Saint in an Uber, dark and out of view of the driver’s mirror.

“You’re going to be dressed like this, too, in a second,” Luke said.

“Why?”

Logan, talking about Leo coming back from his trip home. That night at that one bar, Logan had spent nearly the whole time pressed into Leo’s side just…content. Just at ease. So at ease.

Luke walked forward and took Saint’s face between his hands. Water dripped from Saint’s hair onto the cuffs of his shirt. Little dark droplets that would dry and fade. He kissed Saint once, then looked at his closed eyes and did it again.

“I’m taking you on a date,” Luke said.

Saint’s eyes opened. He had his mask up, the one he wore over his expressions on the ice. He looked Luke up and down, then moved out of his reach and went to the dresser. His eyes snagged on Luke’s phone, which he’d left open to Finn’s restaurant.

In the mirror, Luke caught a glimpse of a small, bitten back smile.

Finn steered them into a liquor store where they picked up small bottles of rum, gin, and tonic.

“I don’t know, it’s probably BYOB?” Finn said, though Logan hadn’t asked. He loved Finn and Leo in these stores, chatting up the sellers, asking advice. “The address is an apartment not a bar. We’ll stop at a corner shop and get you soda.”

Logan let Finn lead. He snapped a photo of Finn examining a wine label and Leo replied hot.

Finn made quick conversation with the man at the bodega, then found them a subway and grinned back at Logan as they walked down the stairs to the sound of a train rushing into the platform.

“You gonna hop it again if I dare you?” Finn asked as he took his phone out to pass them through to the platform.

“Shut up,” Logan replied without looking at him. Finn laughed at him but placed a kiss on the back of his neck.

The train to Brooklyn was crowded, but Finn spied one free seat and motioned Logan towards it.

“You sit,” Logan said. “You’re holding all the bags.”

Finn narrowed his eyes but complied. “I feel unchivalrous.”

“Un—what about a horse?”

“What?”

“Un cheval.”

“Ooh. Yeah, I have no idea.” Finn pulled Logan in until he was standing between his thighs. Logan held onto the rail above them and watched Finn’s eyes drop to the strip of skin it exposed as his shirt rode up. Finn steadied Logan with hands on the backs of his knees, the bottles clinking gently in the bag on his lap. He glanced at the two people beside them, eyeing the headphones over their ears and their noses in their phones, before playfully biting at the waistband of Logan’s shorts, laughing when Logan tangled his fingers in his hair and tugged his head back.

“Tu es un peu chahuteur.”

“Hm,” Finn said. “Eye level.”

Logan just shook his head. He was trying to decide if he was crazy for how Finn caused such a happy pressure in his chest, when he felt his phone buzz in his back pocket. When he checked it, Finn tilted Logan’s phone down to see, then leaned back in his seat.

Logan laughed. “You’re such a baby. Luke’s just asking me if he looks okay for a date.” He turned the phone around. “There, you can see. I think he does.”

Finn glanced at the picture, then turned away in a huffy sort of way.

“Rouge.”

Finn made a show of adjusting the bag of bottles in his lap. He didn’t look up when he said, “Tell him to put a brown belt on instead of black. It’s softer.”

Logan smiled, leaned down to kiss Finn’s head, and typed on his phone. He heard Finn mumble something that sounded a bit like yeah, whatever.

Another text appeared. “He wants to know your favorite restaurants. Little bit fancy.”

“My favorite?”

“You did grow up here, so.” Logan was having a little bit of fun with the pink heat spreading across Finn’s cheeks. His ears. He reached out and rubbed a thumb over the warm shell of his left one. “Where would you take Le and I? Little bit fancy. Summer night. Nothing too heavy, have to play tomorrow…”

Finn worried the inside of his cheek for a moment, eyes on one of the subway ads behind Logan’s head. Finally, he sighed and took Logan’s phone. He typed an address and restaurant name into the text and hit send.

“Merci,” Logan said. “He says thanks.”

Logan let go of the above-head railing completely as the train pulled into another stop, letting people off. The two beside them hardly looked up and didn’t budge. Logan leaned more heavily into the cradle of Finn’s thighs, stabilizing himself as the train jostled forward again. He cupped Finn’s chin gentle and made him look up.

“I love you,” Logan said.

“I’m not jealous of him. I love that you have him, I’d be a horrible person if I didn’t, not to mention a terrible boyfriend,” Finn said. “I’m just—I’m jealous that he gets to see you every day.”

Logan put his fingers back in Finn’s hair, gentler this time. Finn closed his eyes and leaned into his touch.

“I know, Rouge.”

A whole season, Logan thought, not for the first time. How am I supposed to go a whole season without this?

They stood at the address’s buzzer for a few unanswered moments before texting Leo who told them to go around the alley and enter a gateway through the back. It led them to a courtyard, lit up by warm, white lights strung overhead. It was a crowded space, loud with laughter and music. Logan moved around the sparse lawn furniture, which was set out in odd pairs like different pieces had been left behind by different people. Leo. He just needed to spot Leo. Finn was looking, too, eyes scanning the crowd.

Finally, Logan found him, hitting Finn to get him to look. Leo was standing with three people, all of whom were listening to him tell a story. He was wearing a shirt Logan didn’t recognize, a lovely light blue color, and it was unbuttoned enough for Logan to see the pendant of his fleur-de-lis necklace. His chest and collarbones looked warm in the lights strung above the courtyard.

“Jesus,” Finn said. “Look at him.”

Logan chose that moment to trip a little on a loose stone, and Finn caught him with a hand on his chest but laughed so loudly a few people looked at them. Logan bit back a smile and shoved Finn.

“Fuck off.”

Finn just slipped their hands together and began to pull him in Leo’s direction. Logan pulled back, though.

“Wait.”

Finn looked at him, then at Leo, then back. “What? Why?”

“I think we shouldn’t interrupt,” Logan said. “Let’s just…” Logan was enjoying how lit up Leo looked, how much he deserved to be the center of attention like that. “Get his attention, but give him a second.”

Finn wasn’t subtle about it. He waved his hand above his head until the motion caught Leo’s eye then made a heart with his hands and pointed to the table filled with drinks. Leo grinned and nodded. His circle looked, too, and Logan smiled and looked down with hot cheeks when he saw Leo’s mouth form the words, those are my boyfriends.

At the drinks table, Finn’s hands were already swiftly pouring what looked like a gin and tonics.

“Ew,” Logan said.

“They’re for Leo and I,” Finn laughed. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you. Or I would, if you gave me elbow room.”

Logan pushed closer to him. Finn didn’t complain, just settled a hand on the back of Logan’s neck and began pouring coke into a cup one-handed.

“Well, this is familiar. Drinks table, loud music. Mixing you a drink.” Finn reached for the rum. “You gonna watch me flirt with girls from across the room?”

“Ouais.”

Finn raised his eyebrows, looking up from where he was pouring. “Ways? What do you mean ways?”

“Then I’m going to come over and show them you are mine.” Logan took the cup Finn had now filled with ice. “I’d like to do it a few times, actually. Just because I can now. Go talk to someone and I’ll wait five minutes for them to fall in love with you, and then I’ll come over.”

Finn just picked up his and Leo’s drinks, shaking his head, but he was grinning hard. “You think it takes five minutes?”

“It took me two, I think.”

Finn clicked his tongue, but put a foot out to stop Logan from walking. “Come here, Ten, fuck.”

His kiss was soft, even quick, but Logan was surrounded by voices and lights, he could smell the rum in his drink, and it was almost as if he was eighteen and getting everything he’d ever wanted.

“It took me one,” Finn said, then laughed and walked away from Logan’s eye-roll.

When they turned, Leo was already watching them and grinning.

“You’re here.” Leo called when they weaved their way through the crowd. “I—oh, thank you, sweetheart.” He took the drink Finn held out and accepted a quick kiss. “Y’all, this is Finn and Logan. This is Amanda, Harper, and John—it’s Harper’s birthday, this is her place.”

Logan used the introduction time to move around to Leo’s other side. He was more interested in Leo’s lean back in that shirt than whose birthday it was.

“Happy birthday,” he said, offering a small smile to a girl with a pretty bob and brown eyes.

“Thank you,” Harper smiled. “Thanks for coming—wait, which one is which? Logan, Finn, Finn, Logan…”

Finn raised his hand. “Finn.” He pointed. “Logan.” Logan watched as Finn slipped right into his element. “Happy birthday. Wow, this is a great place—courtyard in the city is such a score.”

“Oh my god, right?” John said. Logan met his eyes and realized he had been watching Logan take in Leo. Logan smiled back, maybe a little awkwardly, then looked down at his drink.

“Seriously,” Harper said. “I’m not even sure how I got so lucky.”

“How’d you find it?” Finn asked.

Logan let every part of himself relax. This was a rhythm he loved. Finn, launching into a conversation so easily that he hardly had to say anything, hardly had to do anything except feel it when Leo put an arm around his shoulders and turned his head down for a kiss.

“Hi, Lo,” Leo said in his ear. He carded a quick hand through Logan’s hair. “Oh my God, I didn’t realize it was getting kind of long. I love it. How are you?”

“Good,” Logan said. “You look really good.”

That brought Leo’s smile to a new light. “Thanks, I bought this today. You like it?”

Logan nodded, reaching forward to touch one of the small, white buttons. They had a slight sheen to them.

“Thanks for coming,” Leo said. “I know you’ve got training tomorrow.”

“I missed you this morning, I wanted to be with you.”

Logan knew he should let Leo keep up with the conversation around them, even if he just wanted to ask how his day was, and what he did, and where he got the shirt so Logan could get him more of that blue color.

Leo squeezed his shoulder. “I’ll come to the gym with you tomorrow, I think.”

Logan smiled. “That’ll definitely make it go faster.”

“Wait,” said Harper suddenly, drawing their attention. “So, you’re like—actually…I don’t even know what to call it—like you’re in a playoffs right now.”

Logan blinked, but figured Finn must have said something.

“I was explaining we met through hockey,” Finn said. “And John said I looked familiar, so I was saying about Alex and such, maybe he’s seen his face around.”

“Oh.” Logan took a quick sip of his drink. “Ouai—Yeah. So, we’re about to start the final round. I fly to Colorado the day after tomorrow for the first game.”

“How many games are there?” the other girl—Amanda?—asked.

Logan felt himself smile a little, and noticed Leo and Finn doing the same.

Amanda flushed a bit. “Sorry, that’s probably a stupid question.”

“Non, non,” Logan said quickly, mixing with Leo and Finn’s protests. “Non, it’s—Really, it’s nice to talk to someone who isn’t as, ah…” He looked at Finn, trying to find what he would have said in this situation. What was the thing he said? “Ah, wrapped up as we are in all of it.”

He paused, but Finn stayed quiet and the others were looking at him. “Um. Well, there could be four games, if one of us wins straight in a row.”

“A sweep,” Leo chimed in.

“Or there could be seven, if we really go back and forth.”

“And they’re all in Colorado?”

“Non, we trade off. Colorado, New York.”

“Damn,” John said. “That’s a lot of travel.”

“Tell me about it,” Leo said.

“So…” Harper gestured her drink between the three of them. “You’re all on different teams? That must be hard.”

Leo’s hand tightened around Logan’s waist. He saw Finn glance away.

“Ah, non. We were all on the Lions—Gryffindor’s team?”

“Oh, I love Gryffindor,” Amanda said. “My best friend moved there this past summer.”

Logan flashed a brief smile. “Ouais.” He nodded to Leo and Finn. “They’re still there. I got traded to New York a little while ago.”

“Oh.” John frowned. “Wow. I’m—is it weird to say I’m sorry? That feels weird.”

“Oh, no,” Finn assured him. “Believe me, we’re all sorry.”

“Hey, there are fights in hockey, right?” Amanda asked more brightly. “Do any of you do that?”

Regulus’ laugh reached them before he stepped up on Logan’s other side. “Wow. You two have been here for four minutes and we’ve already got the place flooded with hockey talk.”

“Guilty,” Finn said.

“Wait, so are you, like, famous to some people? To fans? Like would people stop you in the street?”

Logan just raised his eyes at Regulus. They obviously didn’t know who his brother was.

“Yep, got a couple of celebrities in our presence.” Regulus raised his eyebrows right back. “Bow down, I guess.”

“Oh, stop,” Leo laughed. “Finn, honey, come here, I want you to meet someone you’ll like. Lo?”

“Ouais, just going to get some more ice.” It was so hot, even with the sun lowering in the sky, that his drink was little more than watery soda.

When he found the ice again, it was also watery mush. Logan pushed a hand through his hair, cursing softly when it got caught on a knot. Leo was right, it was getting a little long, curling just at the back of his neck.

“Salut.”

Regulus had followed him apparently. He stood on the other side of the table a bit awkwardly, hands in the pockets of his shorts. His t-shirt said I can’t, the Rangers are playing.

Logan laughed, pointing. “I didn’t notice that.”

Regulus smiled and replied in French. Thank God, Logan thought. He was already tired. “A little inside joke. Sirius was livid.”

“Ha, I bet he was.”

“Here. Fresh ice,” He pushed a cooler Logan’s way.

“Ah, great. Hey, thanks for inviting us. I know you probably don’t want all the hockey stuff around but—”

“Non, non,” Regulus said quickly. “I mean, yes. But that’s not—I don’t mind so much anymore. Obviously.” He gestured to his shirt. “Just needed a break, you know? A clean slate for a while.”

Logan nodded. “I get it.”

“Thanks for coming. You’ve got a lot going on right now.”

“Non, it’s a great break. And I’m trying to soak up as much time with the boys as possible, so.”

“You do have a whole summer for that.”

Logan smiled. “But it’s a short summer.” He used a fresh cup to scoop some ice into his drink. “Oh, before I forget.” He checked behind him, but Leo and Finn were across the courtyard. “I got us a cottage for the wedding. When you’re not with Sirius, you should come over and hang out.”

“Oh. That’s cool.”

“The boys don’t know. It’s a surprise.”

“How long are you guys staying up there?”

“Just a week. But we’ll be leaving Loops and Cap—or.” Logan rolled his eyes at himself.

Regulus laughed. “Habit.”

“Yes. One that my new team is not a fan of. But anyway, we’ll all be leaving them alone so, if you want, you should come stay? I know Leo will like that. Finn and I, too. It’s got, like, six bedrooms, so. And a dock. The family I got it from said we can use their boat—motor and sail.”

Regulus took a sip of his drink—Logan couldn’t tell what it was with the opaque red cup. “I’d really like that. If it’s all right.”

“It’s more than all right. I might invite my friend Luke and—and Saint.”

“Deveaux and Montague?”

“Ouais. You can bring someone, if you want.”

“Oh.” Logan swore Regulus’ eyes found someone in the crowd. “Ha, maybe.”

Logan looked over again to see Finn and Leo talking to two girls. He recognized their shared glances and the way they leaned in to catch every word Finn said. His entire chest got warm when he saw Leo switch his drink from one hand to the other and put his hand low on Finn’s back.

“You and my brother are still close.” Regulus said it like a statement, drawing Logan’s attention back to him. Then he added, “Right?”

Logan took a drink, tilting ice into his mouth. “Always.”

Regulus nodded. “Right.”

Logan looked at him, waiting for more, but Regulus didn’t offer anything right away. There was a plastic box of cookies on the table and Logan pointed to them.

“Just cookies? Nothing that’s going to make morning skate rough?”

Regulus smiled. “Yeah, just cookies.”

He took one, too, as if to prove it. “Do you think of him as a brother? Sirius. I know he thinks of you that way.”

Logan paused with the cookie halfway up to his mouth. He wasn’t sure if he was overthinking that question—especially coming from Regulus.

“I mean, obviously not like you. But, yeah, I think of him like that.” Logan took another sip, the rum sweet on his tongue. “Just with—Pascal and everything. And I could speak French with him. And we were with each other when, you know. The pictures. My trade. He’s one of my closest friends.”

Regulus nodded. He stopped nodding, and then nodded again. He snapped the cookie in half and chewed slowly.

“I’m glad he had that,” Regulus said finally. “I was just… All this wedding stuff. He’s got so many people.”

Logan nodded. “Ouais. Yeah, he does.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Logan could see Finn and Leo extracting themselves from the girls.

“He’d give us all up for you, though,” Logan said.

Regulus blinked, eyebrows going up. “I wouldn’t want him to do that.”

“I know.” Logan felt Leo’s hands on his waist, laughing at something Finn had said. He had about two more seconds, holding Regulus’ eyes, to make sure he knew. “But he would.”

Even once Finn and Leo started talking at the same time, Regulus’ gaze stayed on Logan, and he gave a pleased, conceding nod.

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