#whew that was a lot of words
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Hi, i Hope to not disturb you, but I'm discovering new things about me with your blog, the problem is that I always feel guilty, and disgusted by myself even if i find It okay or attractive when other Person share It.
Any advice on how to deal with this senseless emotion? 🤡
Thanks to you in advance even if you don't answer, love your writing and your blog, big hug if you are comfortable with them <3
Hi!
Sorry I wasn’t able to get to this sooner! This is gonna be a long one, so I’m gonna put it under the cut. Let’s talk about one of my favourite topics: kinks & shame/guilt/disgust 🥰
So in my experience, over time your brain will get used to the ideas, and the disgust level will go down naturally - especially if you talk about it with other people who are into it, because that helps to normalize it.
But that’s not an 100% fix, so let’s talk about some things you can do to actively manage the icky feelings.
First of all, guilt + shame + disgust are all feelings that are intended to protect us from doing bad things & being bad people. When you start doing or wanting to do something that you’ve been told is “bad”, it’s normal to feel bad! It makes a lot of sense, actually - it’s our brains trying to keep us on track with our values & maintain our relationships.
But, of course, what we’ve been told is bad is generally not objectively bad, it’s heavily influenced by opinion, unprocessed emotion, politics and a whole bunch of other shit. So what we want to do is identify what we’ve internalized, and whether that actually fits for us.
The single best thing you can do is to get curious & (gently & non-judgementally) question those thoughts.
So here’s some questions to get you going & explanations to go with them:
Why is this kink “bad”? Where is that idea coming from? Do you 100% agree with this? Why or why not?
Often, it’s something very black & white like “hurting people = bad”, but when we actually unpack it, there’s a LOT of nuance to it. Like, what counts as hurting? Emotional? Physical? Is someone being hurt always a bad thing, or is it sometimes necessary in order for us to learn/hold boundaries/etc.? What if someone wants to be hurt? Is there any situations hurting someone might be okay in?
What do you feel like it says about you that you’re into it?
Generally, this comes down to something like “if I am into this, I am a bad person”. So I would question again: what’s a bad person? How do you know if someone is one? What is the exact criteria and cut off point for being “bad”?
One particular point to mention here is that it is my very strong belief (guided by research + my job + personal experience) that thoughts, feelings, urges etc. are not “you”, and they are not bad. Where we get into “bad” territory is in how you deal with them. I am a big supporter of identifying the core needs behind your thoughts & urges, and meeting them in healthy ways, like kink! Which leads us to…
What are you getting out of this kink?
For instance, a lot of my kinks, both sub and dom, come from my need to be wanted, and exploring the extremes of that (what if someone wanted me so bad they would do anything to have me? What if someone wanted me so bad they would do anything I tell them?). Other common themes are control, exploration of insecurities, exploration of shame/taboo, and so on.
Do you want to be okay with this kink? If yes, what boundaries do you need in place to help you feel better about exploring it? If no, why not?
This one is important because you don’t HAVE to be okay with a kink. You don’t have to engage with it, even if your horny brain thinks it’s a good idea. If you don’t want to engage with it, set out a plan outside of horny time for how you will hold that boundary. If you do want to engage with it, what parts are most uncomfortable? Do you need to engage with them in order to engage with this kink? Again, if you DO want to be okay with stuff, ease yourself into it. Go slow.
And most importantly: connection
Nothing helps more with shame than to talk about what you’re ashamed of with someone who you know will be kind, non-judgmental and can relate to you. That’s what kinky friends are for!
One final note:
If you are worried that you are a bad person, it’s extremely unlikely that you are. Bad people don’t sit around worrying that they are bad.
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see, i thought this was the case as well until my therapist contested it. because while getting over that initial task initiation procrastination barrier is helpful and actually doing the scary thing does make me feel a little better sometimes…there’s always going to be more tasks. it isn’t healthy to be living in a constant reactive state where you’re always putting out fires as tasks come up. you need to be proactive. it’s your mindset about the tasks that is going to determine how you feel about them. it isn’t the problems that are the Problem, it’s how you approach and deal with them.
how my therapist explained it is that you need a robust toolbox of various coping mechanisms that will make it easier and less stressful for you to deal with issues on the day to day. because things are always going to come up, but if you have enough supports in place—therapy, medication, friends and family, exercise, healthy sleep, nutritious diet, time spent in nature, meditation, mindfulness, adaptability, self-confidence, etc.—then the tasks won’t seem so big and scary because you’ll have the tools and faith in yourself to handle them.
you can stop stressing at any time, actually. you can achieve inner peace in any situation. you can be the serene eye within the storm instead of getting swept up in it. i’m not saying it’s easy, it takes a lot of time and practice to even remember to look at the bigger picture—to see that things usually aren’t as big of a deal as you think, or that things will be okay if you just breathe and stop holding on to that fear and anxiety so tightly. but it gets easier. sometimes you just need to take a step back, and tackle things one step at a time.
TL;DR: If every task is stressing you out, maybe it’s not just the tasks, maybe you need more coping skills to support your general state of being
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#whew that was a lot of words#mental health#stress#coping skills#coping mechanisms#emotional regulation#coping with stress#advice#mental health tools#life advice
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*Rage post may delete later*
just went and saw a meta about Jiang Cheng being underappreciated for getting Wei Wuxian out of the Xuanwu cave and stuff and I was scrolling through the comments being like "awwwww" "yeah that's right" 'damn straight" "yeeeheeahhhh" and then I just saw this FUCKING COMMENT being like "eeerrrmmmm that still doesn't excuse what he did to wwx he's such a nasty ass human being omg" and idk why but it just flipped some sort of mental rage switch in me and HRRRRRNGH like the little smile was WIPED OFF MY FACE and my intestines crackled from the sudden rise in blood pressure and like jc antis can you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE chill and leave us the fuck alone
I don't want to die young from health complications
my entire dash was full of jc metas and ofc discourse and this fucking comment just pushed me over the edge
jc antis PLEASE PLEASE leave the stans ALONE and go drink some orange juice or something please do something productive you've got better things to do that shitting on jc and the people that choose to like him
even if he's straight up evil (he isn't) that's not your fucking problem isn't it people can stan literal villains in other fandoms and nobody cares so why do you guys have to be such control freaks
I don't see the xue yang antis and Jin Guanyao antis behave in this rabid ass sort of way just CALM DOWN and stop trying to make us argue with you on whether Jiang Cheng beats Jin Ling on a daily basis or if he puts emo teenagers in wood chippers or something
what even is the purpose of all the shit you get up to? Is it going to make Jiang Cheng hear you through the fourth wall? Is he going to drop to his knees and apologize to Wei Wuxian? NO! Is it going to make us stans see the "errors of our ways" and go hate on Jiang Cheng with you? NO! Is it going to summon Wei Wuxian so he can host a fan meetup and give you a hug and his autograph and his eternal friendship? NO!!! Is it going to drive Wei Wuxian to put Jiang Cheng in a wood chipper? NO!!! Is it going to make Jiang Cheng become real so y'all can put him in a wood chipper? N O !!!!!!!!!!!
Listen. Just like how we can never convince you to stan Jiang Cheng, you can never convince us to do whatever is your endgame. So I suggest you go to your own little corner of the fandom, stop bothering us, let us be "delulu" in peace, and get a fucking life.
phew!
Now I feel much better! Thanks for coming to my Ted talk and don't forget to tune in next time! bye bye!
#mdzs#jiang cheng#canon jiang cheng#mo dao zu shi#Jiang Cheng antis need to chill#shut up#be quiet#cease and desist#rage posting#leave us be#let us stan in peace#I'm begging you#and you can come at me all you like but I will just ignore you#haha#whew#that's a lot of words#but basically#that's what I have to say#about the jc hate situation#byeee!
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Sunday Sentences 4/7/2024
hello hello hello friends and thank you so much for all the tags already today from so many people I'll put under the cut
Even though I've been suffering from major bi-weewoo-confirmed brainrot, (a related wip has been started) I've managed to squeeze out a little more of the taynick coachella fic.
Nick follows Taylor into his bedroom and looks around. The walls are covered with photos of him smiling with his friends and family. He has a framed photo of his younger self on his nightstand – he can’t be more than seven or eight years old – and there’s already some clothes spread out on the bed. “What’s all this?” Nick asks as he gestures to the bed. “Honestly? I didn’t think we’d find anything at your place so I pulled out a couple options before I came over.” “Thanks for the bode of confidence, you little fucker.”
tags from: @duchessdepolignaca03 @wordsofhoneydew @onthewaytosomewhere @sunnysideprince @nocoastposts @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @getmehighonmagic @magicandarchery @littlemisskittentoes @thinkof-england @captainjunglegym @firenati0n
some no pressure tags: @sparklepocalypse @anincompletelist @eusuntgratie @violetbaudelaire-quagmire @cha-melodius @heysweetheart-writes @affectionatelyrs @happiness-of-the-pursuit @lostcol @onward--upward @sheepywritesfics @groversimhadri @taste-thewaste @cactusdragon517 @inexplicablymine @dreamsinthewitchouse @doublecheekeddiaz @fivequartersoftheorange @oxfordslutphase
#whew doggy that's a lot of tags#gotta go through and read all of your lovely words nowwww#six sentence sunday#taynick#taynick coachella fic#jon writes now?
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bravely did my writing for today ... time to eat five million bowls of butter chicken :3
#some days ........ whew. some days writing is like: well! i typed for an hour!#i cannot tell if it is good or what but i sure can tell you that it's words!#god knows how many drafts i am from the 'end' but i am a hell of a lot closer than i was two drafts ago lol !#hidey talks fic#beiran ep15 coda fic#though maybe i could learn from this experience and start with a 3k fic the next time i pick up a new fandom ...#something about writing in english for a show im watching in chinese is DEVASATINGLY difficult ahahahaha
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When you have a hot second, can you give us the birthday kink updated list? Like what's done, in progress, etc.?
The last few have been 🥵🥵🥵🥵
Sure! - Wait, what's done?!
... 😮
39 gifts are what's done so far. O_O I'm trying to think if there's a relatively easy way to list all of them...
Ahem, what's LEFT from the original list I posted a while back are: Kyros x AFAB reader dom!Ace x cisfem!reader Marco/Law x cisfem!reader Kaku x cisfem!reader Hongo x afab!reader Sasaki x cisfem!reader Law x cisfem!reader Heat x blank reader type Izou x blank reader type Heat x afab!reader Rosinante x cisfem!reader Sub!Eustass x Dom!cisfem!reader Sabo x nb!reader X Drake x cisfem!reader Doffy x afab!reader Akainu x afab!reader (whew this will be a challenge)
Added to that are: SuperSubbySanji x F!Reader (I might have to trash this, idk that I have the actual ability to write this as requested, but I mean to try) Softdom!Beckman x blank reader type Ace x Law x cisfem!reader Rayleigh x cisfem!reader Rayleigh x Shanks x cisfem!reader [Spoiler threesoms] x blank reader type Dom!Buggy x cisfem!reader
So that's what there is to look forward too.
For what's written:
I have it as a "book" on Wattpad just because it's so painfully easy to toss it up there.
Everything - I've triple checked - is tagged with "birthday request event" here on tumblr so you can follow that tag and read them.
I honestly might be doing these into September (Which is fine by me) I'm taking care not to burn myself out on them, and still work on my multi-chapters too. (plus work, D&D, etc.)
I'd list out all the combos.. but T-T that's a lot of typing. so have some referential screen shots of the chapter list off of Wattpad XD
#whew!#quin answers#birthday request event#i've written... a LOT for that birthday event. like a LOT a LOT.#there's 46k words in my working doc.
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Changed my icon because HOW COULD I NOT!? HULLO!?
#hey google how can you reflect just how happy and excited and lovey you are in mere words when your feelings surpass words?#BE HOO BOY I AM HHHHHHH HE WHEW IS IT WARM IM WARM AND A LOT OF THINGS#rolling around in my bed all giddy~~~#CESAR LOOK WHAT YOUVE REDUCED ME TOO!!
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my boyfriend got some new aftershave that smells like sandalwood so he’s basically bmb tomura now~
#it is v good#it is v sexy#i am v tired#HAHAHAHA#we did yard work all day today and it was WHEW a lot#my bum is going to be very sore tomorrow#not looking forward to it tbh#anyway!!!! halloween mikey is coming soon c;#he’s like 7k words right now HA HA HA#so#there’s that#i’m gonna try n cut it down a lil but yeah!! rly happy with it so far despite its size!!!#i hope everyone had a good sunday!#clari chatters
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Robert Redford as Jay Gatsby was really good at expressing different sides of the character. Sometimes Gatsby seems really mature and distant; other times he seems really adoring and earnest, yet still mature; other times he seems completely starry-eyed and naive. A lot of this comes from the script and visuals but still, I think Redford is a big part of it. By the end of the movie, Gatsby really seemed like a dreaming teenage boy in a man's body
Special nod to the way Redford delivers "Loved me...too?" during the argument at the hotel. It was palpable just how pitifully incapable Gatsby was of imagining Daisy in a way that wasn't absolutely perfect
#undertone of this post is that Robert Redford is gorgeous in this movie#but also I just watched it for the first time#and this is my first time engaging with The Great Gatsby!!#I'm a Movie Watcher i'm a Book Reader but i havent seen or read any The Great Gatsby before now#so obviously a lot of the feelings i'm having about Gatsby here are on account of the story itself#but I really do feel like Redford's performance was immersive#He's got the face for it. the . the prettiest face#ggggGHHGGG GATSBY WAS SO CLOSE TO BEING SANE about the situation but then he WASNT#When he meets Daisy's daughter. it felt like he was having Real-Boy Guilt#but maybe it was the same disconnect he has at the hotel#where he encounters something that doesn't align with his fantasy and he freezes because he doesn't know how to process it#The scenes of him 1) standing outside Buchanan's house at night 2) visiting Nick on his porch the next morning#WHEW. he was Not Sane#those two scenes HIT he just felt really . so Not With It#less so than in the later conversation with Nick in the house...#but maybe that's just because he doesnt directly mention standing outside Daisy's window all night HFSKG#anyway. Movie!#the great gatsby 1974#the great gatsby (1974)#jay gatsby#oh no a hot guy with mental health issues. how much of my mind is he going to occupy#my words#the great gatsby
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unhinged moron behavior (affectionate)
#i didn't even have to bribe myself with the purchase of a banjolele to accomplish this like 2021. i just did it because i am a masochist!!!#a lot of these words are not good but the scene i was writing when i hit 50k? whew. that scene is good. no notes#i skipped ahead specifically so i could hit 50k while writing that scene#m.txt#nanowrimo
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From the ask game :
7. three words from your native language that you like the most?
May I add and why? (Loving how they sound is a perfectly acceptable answer)
Three different words came to my mind and they are definitely among my faves from my native language. Please keep in mind they’re not useful though 😅
1. Nietoperz (a bat) - aside from the fact I tend to be, well, batshit crazy about bats, this word actually comes from old Slavic for “night flyer”. I totally understand it why for example French or German include the word “mouse” in their words for “bat”, but I do find “night flyer” both more badass and cuter, if that makes sense
2. Kombinować (to think of solution/to make your way through something/ to come up with a smart solution) - translations are a veeery big stretch here ‘cause there is no exact or precise word in other language, really. This word can also mean that you come up with a solution that is smart but not always safe or fair 😂
3. Dziabąg (it can mean any small/weird/unidentified creature, I use it synonymously as “little devil” and for example I’ve called my cat like this on multiple occasions)
#ask game#thank you for asking!#whew that was a lot and i’m not even too much into languages#when it comes to kombinować:#the only close-ish translations I can think of are the spanish ‘sabersela buscar’ or the norwegian ‘mikse og trikse’#never heard anyone actually using those as these are more of translations you find in dictionary#also! there’s this word we obviously borrowed from german and we use it for small objects which we don’t really know the name for#it’s like ‘thingy’/‘that thing over there’/‘something’#and i’m not joking this word is ‘wichajster’#i am sorry for the atrocious spelling but we have slavified a german phrase into a word
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I think that when you go looking for answers and try to be objective about everything, you can end up going kind of crazy bc most things don’t make sense. And most people don’t. Not everything is connected or means more than what it seems. Things aren’t as orchestrated as they seem. People are what they seem to be. Most people are just as unaware of their own intentions and actions as we feel we sometimes are. Because we never do the things we do for the reasons we think we are doing them for. Even when we are so sure, we are to some extent, oblivious to our own motivations. Maybe we are exactly what we think we are not. But who knows right? As dumb as it sounds to state something so obvious, that’s been hard for me to grasp I think
See I’m not even sure what I’m trying to get at here
Like is this the kind of mess you end up in when you don’t live intentionally?
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I’ve started *gags, chokes* writing….again….*spits out blood, gasps and gurgles as I fall to the ground*
#AUGUUGHDHDHDHDG HHHHGNBDHBGHB#it feels like pulling teeth ngl#I’ve had this fic idea in my head for over a year now and I only ever poked at it#never really like. got deep into it#just wrote the fun stuff#but I didn’t have a timeline or even a true PLOT it was just kind of my brainchild#so tonight I buckled down and wrote out the timeline. like 90% of it at least#I cleaned up my old document and took out the bits that didn’t work#reordered it into something resembling chronological#and YES it hurts but it also feels AMAZING#because. okay. I have a complicated relationship with writing#I used to love it. a lot. it was my favorite pastime#but then I started hating my writing voice because it was (is) *weird*#I like to write horror and I have a writing voice somewhat similar to Douglas Adams#and when I was younger I tried really hard to change my writing voice because again. I hated it. I thought it was weird and silly#and trying to write in a voice that wasn’t mine made me HATE writing#so I literally put down fic for 10yrs and didn’t write a damn word#until January of 2023 when I finally started poking away at this document#I only have 25 pages and it’s not connected or fluid and there’s some things that don’t quite make sense#but I have my timeline now! and I know where all the pieces go#I know how to get from point A to B to C#and. WHEW. it feels GREAT.#again it was like pulling teeth but also so fucking awesome#I’m nervous but excited. excited but nervous#and I hope — with enough time and polishing — I will feel confident enough to publish it :’)#Zilla’s things
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Doting
Tags: jjk men as dads, tooth-rotting fluff, comfort drabbles
Synopsis: How the JJK men treat you while pregnant (spoiler warning- they dote on you.)
An: This is my formal apology for writing Nanami angst on the “Baby’s first words” post 😔 it will never happen again (can we stop with the death threats now?)
SATORU • SUGURU • TOJI • SUKUNA • NANAMI
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SATORU
Oh, your loving husband is all over you while you’re pregnant. He genuinely has such a cute fascination with all the changes your body is going through. He seriously thinks you’re so strong for carrying his heir.
He loves rubbing your bump. In fact, he will always be touching it in some form or fashion while you two are together. When he’s away on missions, he has you send him pictures and updates on your pregnancy as if anything major has changed in a couple of days.
You best believe he is ready to indulge you on your every craving, no matter how strange. It’s three a.m and you’re crying because you need that specific brand of chicken wings and a can of whip cream? He’s heading to the store immediately to fetch whatever you tell him to.
He genuinely worries about being a good dad. Many nights he lays his head on your bump and talks to you about how teaching didn’t come naturally to him. He wasn’t born knowing how to meet people where they’re at. He use to expect people to be able to meet him on his level. He worries that he may inadvertently put a lot of pressure on his kid, and that’s the last thing he wants due to how he was raised. He just wants his kid to be a kid.
He’s the best, most loving and compassionate dad to your baby, more than you could ever hope for. Even if teaching didn’t come to him naturally, being a father did.
SUGURU
He’s such a “sit down and let me do it for you” while you’re pregnant. He cooks, cleans, works, and tends to you completely throughout your pregnancy.
Suguru gets hyper fixated on your health during pregnancy. He only feeds you the yummiest and healthiest foods while you’re pregnant. He encourages for you to sit on the yoga ball and do (very) light exercises. He just wants the best for you and his baby.
Whenever I said he tends to you, I genuinely mean he tends to you. He’ll gently brush your hair at night time, rub your back when your belly is becoming heavy to carry around, serve your breakfast, lunch, and dinner in bed, carries around emesis bags and breath mints for if you get morning sickness while you two are out.
This man is the king of enforcing your boundaries to people when they don’t listen. That really annoying family member that insists on being there for the birth even though you’ve already explained to them that you want this to be an experience for just you and Geto? Yeah, he’s made it very clear to them that they will not be at the birth if they want to be in your kid’s life.
He is absolutely not afraid to hurt feelings if it means his wife and future child are safe and cared for. He really don’t give a fuck who anyone else is. You and his child are first priority.
TOJI
Toji is definitely the type to express his love and devotion for you in other ways than the most conventional methods.
He is so incredibly gentle while you’re pregnant. He doesn’t rile you up as much or play fight with you anymore. He constantly reminds himself that you’re carrying another life inside you and that you have enough on your plate.
This man… whew does he love seeing you pregnant. Toji’s the type of man to feel so feral when he looks at you heavily pregnant with his kid.
He adores your body. He’ll rub lotion all over you and oils to help your skin accommodate to the stretch of carrying a kid. He massages your body and absolutely worships it while he’s rubbing the lotion and oil on you.
Your breasts are sore? He’ll gently massage them until they feel better. Your back hurts? He’d be the type to lift your bump up and take the weight off you for as long as you ask him to so you can feel relaxed for a few minutes.
And look this is probably TMI but like, if you got a clogged milk duct due to breastfeeding, Toji would unfortunately be the type of man to fix that issue with his mouth. i’m sorry but he would.
Final thing is, you better believe that he doesn’t allow anyone to get too close to you. He is so unbelievably protective over you while you’re pregnant. If he could, he’d lock you up at home to prevent anyone from getting close to you.
SUKUNA
On the outside, he acts very nonchalant and unbothered by your pregnancy. On the inside, he is constantly plagued by the thought that your body may not be able to carry his heir. The thought of losing you or his child haunts him.
He will secretly observe and take notes on your body and how it is changing. If he catches you expressing any sort of short windedness, he will immediately send you off to bed rest. Though, you’re usually able to convince him to take you off of it by the next day.
The only servant he trusts to tend to you is Uraume. No one else in his court is allowed to be anywhere near you unless he gives specific instructions. Still, he hates leaving you in the care of Uraume. He trusts them, but he wants to be the one to take care of you.
He loves holding your body close to him at night. All four arms are wrapped around you and holding you closely. Since he doesn’t need much sleep, he will stay awake rubbing on your tummy all night long. One time, he felt the baby moving in your stomach while you were asleep. He was so intrigued that he woke you up and told you to “make them do it again”.
Now, he will randomly approach you at any given time while you’re heavily pregnant and hold his hand out so he can feel his baby moving around inside of you. It soothes his worry.
During birth, Sukuna was a complete mess. The amount of blood lost during birth fucking terrified him. He was panicking and yelling at anyone to do something to save you, even while everyone was assuring him that you’re okay and this was natural.
After 9 long excruciating months of extreme worry and constant fear, he finally feels peace when he’s cradling a newborn in his arm and a sleeping wife in the other arm. All of his hard work to protect you paid off he thinks.
NANAMI
Oh, to be pregnant by the king of domestic love himself.
Nanami is the type of man to immediately start working on a nursery for you as soon as you reveal to him that you’re pregnant. He immediately changes the guest bedroom into a nursery that you design for your little baby.
He reads up on all the parenting books and articles. He’s constantly compiling things to either do or to not do during pregnancy and even while raising a kid.
Like Geto, he tends to your every need. He is a total house husband all while working 40 hours a week. When he’s at work, he is constantly calling and texting you to make sure that you’re okay and taking care of yourself, but let’s be fr he literally did everything for you before he even left for work (meal prepped for you, set out your clothes for you, put out all your self care items in case you want to bathe).
When you express concerns of your body getting bigger to him, he does everything in his power to show you that he loves and respects your body for creating life. He literally cherishes and worships your body for hours if you let him.
Like Toji, Nanami is protective over you. He constantly has an arm around you if you two are in public, and he watches everyone who dares to get close to you like a hawk. If he gets a bad vibe about anyone, he’s immediately stepping in front of you and taking over the conversation.
Nanami is the best partner to have during birth. His reading of articles during your pregnancy really paid off. He is supportive without being overbearing. He listens to your needs and tends to you without question. Constant praise and encouragement while you’re giving birth. The moment he gets to snuggle with you and the baby is the moment he realizes that he cultivated the life of his dreams. He has the family he always wanted.
#jjk#jjk fanfic#jujutsu kaisen#fanfic#drabble#gojo satoru#jjk gojo#jjk nanami#jujutsu satoru#satoru x reader#jjk satoru#jjk suguru#getou suguru x reader#geto suguru#jjk sukuna#sukuna x reader#jujutsu sukuna#sukuna#toji x you#jjk toji#toji fushiguro#toji x reader#nanami fluff#jujutsu nanami#nanami kento#nanami x reader#jjk fluff#tooth rotting fluff#jjk drabbles
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⚅— Continued from here. —⚅ ⚅— @petitprincekiryu —⚅
— ★ ⚄ ★ —
The question got a raucous laugh from the barista, and remembering well what he'd ordered last time he started on repeating that order again. "Oh, no, I have done some very stupid shit since the last time we talked. Absolutely, I've been a dumbass. But hey, ya learn from that sorta stuff, right? And alla the folks I hurt, I've had the good fortune to make amends with them. I'll never forget what I did, but I think it's alright now."
His cafe had made some changes as well. There were new items on the menu and new blends, things that he'd been experimenting with and perfecting. And since it was getting around the season, he was putting out the pumpkin donuts and coffee (though the coffee wasn't actually on the menu, a secret item for certain sweet-tooth customers), and there were even more posters and art pieces on the walls. The music of the district had settled considerably as well. The Composer and Producer both had been going to therapy, and though it had largely sacrificed their relationship, they were both in a much better place now.
Hands worked as seamlessly as before, and if he hadn't said it outright it might have been difficult to tell anything had changed with him at all. Aside from the anxiety that no longer weighed heavy on his shoulders, he seemed just the same as any other counterpart of himself. Careless and happy, full of life and light in his element here in the shop. And excited for a visitor he hadn't seen in such a long time.
"And that is to say, I'm working hard to make sure I don't make the mistakes I did in the past. I hurt a lotta people in part because of my own trauma and insecurities. I'm actively working on myself now, trying to learn how to work with the things I struggle with. I won't go into too much detail since it concerns from friends'a mine, too, but ya know. I apologized and I did what I could to fix the damage I had caused. They've forgiven me now, and I don't want to forget it or the actions leading to my growth, but I'm trying not to talk about it too much to respect the privacy of the other parties. You understand."
#busy dizzy and lazy ⤙ic⤚⚄#go over it or game over now? ⤙reply⤚⚄#is this a place to shine? ⤙post neo⤚⚄#petitprincekiryu#//oops forgot to add other tags#//thank you so much for your words!#//I have done a lot of work since the last time we talked#//my pinned banner was from a meme one of my mutuals had going#//but my answered and asks and all that#//all me just figuring out how this thing works#//if you ever want something just lmk and i'll see if i can help~#//it was scary w my mom for a while there#//but she's all good now so whew#//i'm more than happy to talk ooc tho#//i'm not awesome w it but i'll try to make good conversation ^^;
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stoned
stoner!sevika x stoner!reader
warnings: WHEW!!!! um. gp!sevika ya. choking. thumb sucking. daddy kink. breeding kink. fingering (r receiving). p in v. dom!sevika. praising. use of weed. um. yeah. mentions of somno. this is straight porn with semi plot.
note: hey! um. this turned out way longer than i expected. i simply listened to mac millers “stoned” and it sparked this inspo so…hope you enjoy! feed back always welcome and asks are always open! semi edited & definitely no word count…there’s a lot here.
EIGHTEEN PLUS. MINORS DNI.
sevika rolling up a joint for you and her while you’re laid out on her bed, only in her t-shirt
she’s man spreading in her desk chair as she brings the paper up to her lips and licks it, your eyes never leaving the movements
your fingers flip through some records, finding the more sensual and relaxing one that she has, the one both of you usually fuck to lol
“baby put on a record,” she says huskily, eyes low from the joint she had just shared with you before rolling this one. the shimmer she took pumping slowly through her veins as she finishes flicking the joint to roll the tip closed
you slink out of bed, finding sev’s record collection, sitting pretty in a bin you got for her after see how she used to store her records (on the floor under her bed you about had a heart attack)
“good choice, doll.” you blush at the praise as you walk over to her record player and flicking it up, before putting the record on and putting the little arm onto the grooves
you turn on the record player, adjusting the sound before it starts slow, the sound filling the room as you hear a flick of a lighter
you look over and see sevika’s broad and wide frame spread out more on her chair if that was even possible
the joint hung loosely on her thick lips you could kiss and suck all day. the lower lip piercing she has glinting in the low light and she only had on her black boxers and a wife pleaser — both black.
the low light from her floor lamp illuminating the room in a warm red, the shadows dancing on sev’s features as she takes a long practiced drag from the joint
she looked like sin.
“c’mere.” the command is simple, her voice even and low. she outstretched her bionic hand, motioning you over with her pointer finger
your feet hover over to her without your brian registering youre moving until you’re standing in between sevika’s thighs and her metal hand grips your hip possessively.
you feel your throat harbor a small whine as her bionic fingers dig into your skin. “there you are. so pretty,” she murmurs, her eyes grazing over your frame as you stand there for her in her shirt
her eyes hooded, a dark shade of grey from the effects of the joint and the shimmer. she tugs you closer to her by your hip, moving you into her lap
your straddling her one thigh, as she brings the joint up to your lips and lets you take a hit. your eyes never leave hers as your lips wrap around the joint seductively. she hitches a breath, the grip on your hip to tightening softly.
you sit on her thigh, and you both let out a soft gasp as you can feel how wet you really are already. “that wet already?” she teases, her voice gruff and low as she looks up at you, her eyes flickering over your gaze to your lips and down your chest. your nipples were hard , poking through her thin t shirt
“hm..” she hums softly as she holds the joint in between her lips before taking both of her hands and gripping your hips tightly, moving them slowly up the sides of your skin to grasp your breast in her hands
your eyes can leave the sight before you — the joint loosely in between her lips, her eyes only looking at her hands moving against your breasts as they grab and squeeze
her nostrils flare as you make a sharp whining sound when she pinches one of your nipples with her bionic hand. she takes her flesh hand to hit the joint before passing it to you.
you take it, as soon as her hand goes back to your breasts, tipping her head back slightly, looking through her lashes up at you
“take a hit, baby.” she commands softly, eyes darting from the joint to your lips persuasively. you lick your lips before bringing it up to your lips and taking a hit, her thumbs and forefingers pinching your nipples slightly as you exhale
you let out a small cough, a soft smile spreading on sevika’s lips as she runs her hands from over your shirt to up and under your it, across the expanse of your tummy and to your chest, rubbing soothing circle. “good girl. another.”
you obey, taking a longer one while feeling weed start to affect your system. she knew you loved smoking indica hybrids, that’s what most of her garden was when she got her hands on seeds. she didn’t sell, just grew enough for the both of you.
her hands stayed at your chest before going to to play with your breasts, skin to skin making you gasp slightly under her touch. “so soft, all mine,” she murmurs, before sitting up and pulling you closer to her. she takes the joint lightly from you, placing it again in that sacred spot between her lips, before tugging the ends of your shirt up and over your head
“need to see all of you, sweetheart.” exhaling some smoke from her nose, she takes her bionic arm and grips your chin lightly, before taking a hit of her joint and pulling you towards her.
pressing her lips against yours, you felt the cool metal from her lip ring press against your lips , as she exhaled the smoke into your mouth. you gladly inhaled, letting the second hand shot gun smoke fuel your brain and nerves. your sensitivity to her touching you made your skin melt, your limbs heavy.
she kisses you softly, nips the bottom of your lip playfully before pulling away and letting go of your chin. “good girl.” her restraint is wearing thin, watching your eyelids heavy with each second and puff of the joint. she can feel you drenching her bare thigh, your hips staying perfectly still despite the whimpers that fall from your mouth
“vika…” your brain is becoming mush, the weed flowing through your veins and making your core throb as she holds the joint up to your lips and you take a few hits.
“what is it, pretty girl?” she muses, taking a hug from the joint as she cocks her head to the side. you pout, she knows what you want, does she have to make you beg?
“use your words, doll. daddy can’t read your mind.” so she does know. you bite your lip, your hands coming to balance themselves on her shoulders, her flesh hand coming to grip your hip steady as she continues smoking the joint with her bionic hand.
“wanna…fuck…need you…” you can’t properly form the words, the weed making you feel too far gone. you’re a stoner, you love smoking and you’d say you could almost out smoke sevika. (she’d never let you)
but there was something about the way the slow, sensual music from the record, the way her hands slowly gripped her hips tighter, pushing them back slowly, before pulling them forward.
you let out a small whine as your brain caught up to her movements. she wanted you to grind on her thigh, the desire and need pulsing through her gaze as she stubs out the joint, and bringing her bionic hand to your other hip.
“come on, baby, you’re soaking me already. tell daddy what you want.” she commands, lowly, moving your hips at a slow pace across her thigh. your slick making it easy for your cunt to move against her skin.
watching her leaned back, guiding your hips against her thigh and the way she was looking at you like you were her next meal had your cunt throb against her skin.
and she felt it.
she smirked, gripping your hips before hauling you up and into her arms, your arms securing around her neck andher flesh arm hooking your leg around your thigh so your cunt was pressed snug up against her cock.
you let out a gasp, feeling how hard she was through her boxers. your hold tightening around her neck as did your grip with your legs around her waist. she had hips, hips that knew how to fuck against you and with the wicked glint in her eyes, you knew exactly that’s what she planned on doing.
her bionic arm held most of your weight combined with your effort, as she brought her flesh hand to squeeze your ass firmly, making you gasp out. she reaches further in between your legs, and she already knew how soaked you were giving the cold air hitting her thigh where your cunt sat a few seconds prior
but nothing could compare to feeling it on her flesh fingers — how soaked you were and continue to get.
you let a soft moan slip out as soon as you felt her thick fingers glide along your folds, dropping even more with the added pressure of your clit against her cock.
“daddy,” you whimpered into her, hiding your face into her neck embarrassingly as she stroked your cunt, spreading your wetness around easily.
“this all for me, sweetheart?” a tease in her voice followed by a soft grunt as she teased your hole with her middle finger. “shit..” she groans under her breath before sinking her finger in and you can’t help the soft moan that escapes your lips as you feel her press into you.
she quickly adds another one as soon as she realizes that it’s so easy to slip in because you’re so fucking wet, you probably wouldn’t even realize if she slipped her cock inside your cunt — you were that wet
but she needed to feel you cum around her fingers atleast one time before her cock (many times after)
she picked up her pace, her fingers thrusting into you at a rate that made your head swim. your body felt like jelly as you clung to sevika, feeling her hips rut up into you and adding the pressure against your clit as she finger fucked you.
“you feel so fucking good baby,” her grip on you with her bionic arm tightens as she feels your stomach clench against her, a silent warning you’re about to cum. “already about to cum? you’re so damn easy…” mutters and groans under breath as you whine and whimper against her, nipping and sucking the sensitive skin on her neck — claiming her.
“daddy, fuck -“ you moan as she hits your sweet spot, and she grins
“daddy getting the sweet spot for you, doll?” you moan as you nod, digging your nails into her skin as she fucks you senseless. along with the added pressure of her dick throbbing against your clit with each thrust of her hips, you’re loosing your mind.
“go on baby, i know you wanna cum. let me have it, please baby?” her tone is soft, even if her grunts and groans are deep. hearing her beg for you to cum on your hand has you moaning her name, before you clench around her fingers and feel your orgasm wash over you in her arms.
“that’s it baby, good fucking girl.” she growls deeply, and you can feel how heavy she’s breathing against you. she slips her fingers out, and pulls her cock out, rubbing the tip against your weeping hole.
“sev, please..” your begging, but you knew she’d give it to you anyways. your just too fucking high to really think with your brain.
“awe,” she coos, pushing the tip of her cock into your hole slowly. “baby’s already gone dumb on daddy’s dick?” you moan softly as she sinks you down further, nails digging deeper into her skin you know you’ll leave marks there later.
“oh, fuck yes..” you moan softly as she positions her flesh hand back on your ass, balancing the weight back out before she really sinks deeper into you.
you both moan together as soon as she bottoms out, your clit rubbing up against her bush and her cock so deep inside of you, you feel like she’ll split you open
“oh fuck, sweetheart…” you look up at sev, her eyes on you. her hair disheveled with pieces sticking in places and some in her face. she grunts as she grinds her hips up into you, your mouth falling open as she does. “your pussy feels like heaven around my cock, you know that?” she doesn’t expect you to answer — shit she doesn’t except you to do anything.
you turn into a babbling mess as soon as she picks up the pace of her hips, her thighs slapping up into your ass as your cunt drools on your cock and balls.
“that’s it doll, just hold on and take all of daddy’s dick.” her finger tips dig into the supple flesh of your ass as your moaning, the sound of her pre cum and your arousal making a obscene sound reverberated through the room. the pace of the music soon matches the pace of her hips, long, deep and fast strokes making you see stars
“daddy, fuck i’m gonna cum again …” she grins at that, deeply chuckling as she picks up the pace again, before walking over to the bed and gently laying you on your back — her cock still deep inside of you.
she moves your legs so they are now unwrapped from her hips and spread wide around them — as wide as you can get them. the tip of her cock hits harder as she pushes a pillow under your hips.
you grab her arms as she slots them besides your head, her flesh hand coming to wrap itself around your throat and squeezing. you smirk in response, your cunt clenching as soon as she adds pressure.
“you like that baby?” a wicked grin spreads across her face as she grunts, taking her bionic hand and pressing two finger against your clit.
“come on baby. cum for me. cream all over this fat dick.” your mouth falls open with a breathless gasp as she keeps her flesh hand firmly around your neck, moving her thumb to bring against your bottom lip. you poke your tongue out and wrap it around the tip of her thumb.
her eyes blaze with lust, pupils blown and you feel her cock throb inside of you as soon as she registers how fucking nasty you are.
“shit, you’re such a dirty slut.” she groans deeply, her fingers speed up on your clit, making your cunt clench with each fast stroke of her hips, her cock sliding in and out of you with ease. you were a dripping mess — all over her cock, her balls and most definitely her fucking sheets. she didn’t give a shit though. not with the way you looked wrapped around her cock like this.
“you’re a fucked out beautiful, stupid mess, baby.” she comments, her eyes gone from the weed and sex, her cock throbbing with each thrust as she feels your cunt clench once more before you’re squirting against her lower chest.
she groans at the beautiful messy sight, her thumb still in your mouth as you moan breathlessly. she eases a bit of pressure on your throat as you ride your high, making sure to get every last drop before she takes her hand off and removes her thumb to squeeze your breast.
“so fucking beautiful baby.” she leans down, taking her bionic hand from your clit as you whine from the over sensitivity, as she rests her forehead against your shoulder.
you wrap your arms around her neck as you pull her closer, and she takes her flesh hand to press against your lower stomach. “feel that, doll? feel my cock deep inside of you? gonna cum my load so deep in you, make sure it sticks..” she’s babbling now, her thrusts becoming more erratic as she sloppily kisses and sucks your skin. she’s a mess on top of you, and you can’t help but clench your cunt around her cock one more time as you feel her cum
“fuck vika, shit…” you’re moaning with her as her hands come to grip both your hips hard, pushing a few final thrusts of her cock into you, before she collapses on the side of you.
“doll,” you whine softly as she curls you into her so you’re both facing each other on your sides, her cock still hard buried inside of you. one of the side affects for shimmer — sevika had a longer endurance and bigger libido. you loved it, knowing you’d be able to serve sevika any time she needed to get off.
and it seemed like even though she was just balls deep inside your pussy. she needed more.
“know you’re tired,” she mumbles as she thrusts her hips slowly up into you, her arms tightly wrapped around your torso as you have a leg hiked up over her hip. “pussy still needs daddy’s dick though, mm..feel her sucking me in..” you hide your face into her chest as she slowly rocks into you, tugging the blanket over your frames.
it’s true, you’re cunt has been throbbing at the idea of you falling asleep while she uses you to her own desire. her own little toy.
“vika…” your moan softly, the music from the record playing its last song — something slow and quiet, sensual. the perfect mood for sevika. she groans softly as she feels your sleepy pussy clench around her, dripping all over her.
“rest your eyes sweetheart, daddy will take care of this pretty cunt.” she grunts softly as she moves her hips slowly in and out of you, the squelching sound of your cock and her cum making your head spin as you close your eyes, pressing against her.
#fae writes 🖊️#sevika arcane#arcane smut#sevika hc#sevika league of legends#sevika x you#sevika x y/n#sevika x female reader#sevika headcanon#sevika lol#sevika#sevika x reader#so hot and sexy#arcane#arcnae smut#arcane sevika smut#arcane sevika#arcane season 2#arcane season two#arcane s1#arcane season one#arcane series#league of lesbians#league of legends arcane#league of legends sevika
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