wolfish-chan

[wolfish-chan]

[wolfish-chan]

Let’s Have Another Bullet Point Story, Courtesy of a Friend

So I have a friend that used to be in the tumblers troupe at the renfaire as a contortionist

We were chatting online and she told me to tell you all this story.

I love Kat dearly

but she forgets that she’s stupid strong and hypermobile

so one day she throws her back out

bad enough that she needed painkillers and couldn’t stand upright

“But also I needed Tampons and like.  A Burrito, real bad.”

she’s flat on her back in her apartment when she decides this

and, in an

impeccable

leap of reasoning, decides

“I can’t roll my back forward to sit/stand up like normal.

But I can ARCH my back just fine.

SO 

I’m going to do that and get on my hands and feet in a stomach-in-the-air this-shit-belongs-in-a-horror-movie-type pose,

And amble on down to the 7-11”

“And get me that Burrito”

It is, 

for context, 

after midnight in July during a wildfire so it’s hot as satan’s own asshole and the moon is red and shit’s already generally cursed.

Imagineyou are some poor sap working nights at the world’s deadest 7-11, and you hear the door jangle but you don’t see anyone’s head over the counters.

Whatever.

Except you keep hearing noises like there’s someone in the next aisle over.  

Fucking around in the burrito section

It’s also worth mentioning that Kat

1. sings whatever earworm is currently running through her head when she’s not paying attention

2. sounds EXACTLY like some kind of creepy child from a horror movie when doing so

tonight’s song is something from veggietales.

DUDE ACTUALLY STANDS HIS GROUND

and/or is really fucking high and isn’t sure if he’s tripping balls or notanyway

Kat goes up to pay for her burrito and tampons

She realizes the counter presents something of a challenge, and then demonstrates for me on her kitchen table at 4AM during a different july wildfire, 

exactly 

how she used the shelves to climb up the counter 

like one of the boston robotics beasties

dude stares at her for like, five minutes and says.

“Register’s broke.”

“Oh No!” Says Kat. “Just Take ‘em.” “Really?  I can leave cash-you don’t have to give me change I don’t want you to get in trouble with your manager.” “…Nah.” “Oh!  OK!  Thank you!” “Yeah ok bye.”

Shortly after she arrived back at the apartment, she got a text on her phone from the campus security about  "A Suspicious Individual” at tle 7-11. 

It took her 

FOUR

FUCKING 

YEARS

 to realize she was the suspicious individual

[wolfish-chan]

[wolfish-chan]

so I went to the counseling center at my school to set up an appointment etc etc and I know they have a therapy dog there and I was like “where’s the dog?” and the receptionist was like ‘oh I’m sorry, she’s in a meeting right now’ and I look over at the other room and there is a fucking dog sitting in a chair at a long table sitting next to all these people in business suits and I felt like I was in a dream

[wolfish-chan]

fun thing about herding and/or generally neurotic breeds: they are really good at following rules you have instituted, but they will also make their own Dog Rules they will follow stringently whether or not you like it

[wolfish-chan]

💕🌸💓🍧👚💝

[wolfish-chan]

drawing Sai every day for a year: day 4 - from one anemic to another

✨

[wolfish-chan]

big sister kushina!

[wolfish-chan]

Hiruzen raising Naruto

[wolfish-chan]

Some thoughts about how Team 10 does their hair

[wolfish-chan]

[wolfish-chan]

How do I explain to my readers that I can’t finish my fic because I fell victim to the fanfic writer curse and had the literal worst year of my life

[wolfish-chan]

Fuck moon’s taking poison damage

[wolfish-chan]

The batkids but they take advantage of the fact that they all look pretty similar and fuck with people at parties and galas.

Some snobby rich person: So Tim, I hear that you've taken over a large portion of WE

Tim, grinning internally: Im not Tim, I'm Damian. Tim is the tall one over there *points at dick*

Rich snob: o-oh.. my mistake

Gossiping older woman: Dick, I heard that you're working in Bludhaven now. Do you have a special someone over there?

Dick: I'm not Dick I'm Tim. I'm working on overseeing WE at the moment.

Older woman: *squints suspiciously*

Some trophy wife: Aww, little Damian, how's your schooling going? Are you keeping your grades up?

Damian, with a shit eating grin: I'm not Damian. I'm the ghost of Jason todd.

Trophy wife: *looks somewhere between horrified and disbelieving*

Jason, who's been listening to this over comms that he'd hacked: lmao now tell her that she needs to wake up

[wolfish-chan]

oh no my pornography is turning into an angst-filled character study

[wolfish-chan]

I'm like if a chivalrous knight kissed a fair maiden's hand and said "my lady, I fight for you" and then walked off and immediately tripped over his own armor and fell on the ground

[wolfish-chan]