#whether voluntary or not

[lemonys-place]

heyyy gentlest reminder, my friends, that you do not have to disclose your trauma and mental illnesses to justify your age regression. it's perfectly fine to regress/dream "just because" and strangers are not entitled to your sensitive information/past just because they want to validate it FOR you. don't let anyone make you feel like you have to explain yourself just for coping/soothing/self-parenting in a way that feels good + healing for YOU. there is no criteria to meet to be yourself!

but also, it IS sensitive information and there are some people around the community especially predators who will use that information to get closer to you and/or hurt you. so please practice internet safety, be careful who you share your details with, and block ANYONE who doesn't seem right or play nice.

protect your space and be safe everyone! 🙏

[angstandhappiness]

You should correct the Ozpin's system with KoV's system because he's the one who designed it, and Grimms are a problem before Salem was anyway. Other than that, interesting

on reflection i’m betting the identity arcs in v9 will turn on the fulcrum of the discussions in 2.9 & 2.10 regarding why the kids wanted to become huntresses—in part because the emotional contours of those discussions align quite closely with the emotional crises set up for yang and ruby in v8, and in part because those discussions also laid the foundations for the identity arcs weiss and blake went through in v4-5.

so–oobleck asks yang, weiss, and blake why they chose to become huntresses, rejecting yang’s first answer (that she did it to fight monsters) because “no, that is what you do. i want to know why you do it: the honest reason as to why you want to become a huntress.”

their answers are:

YANG: The honest reason? I’m a thrill-seeker. I want to travel around the world and get wrapped up in as many crazy adventures as I can, and if I help people along the way then that’s even better. It’s a win-win, you know?

&

WEISS: It’s exactly as you said, I’m a Schnee. I have a legacy of honor to uphold. Once I realized I was capable of fighting, there was no longer a question of what I would do with my life. It was my duty.

&

BLAKE: There’s too much wrong in this world to just stand by and do nothing. Inequality, corruption—someone has to stop it.

OOBLECK: Very well. How?

BLAKE: …I—uh.

he, notably, does not ask ruby the same; but she does ask him, and this is how he answers:

OOBLECK: Look around and tell me what you see.

RUBY: Lots of old buildings… uh, empty streets—

OOBLECK: I see lives that could have been saved. As a huntsman, it is my job to protect the people, and although I am capable of doing it with traditional weaponry, I believe I can make a much larger impact if I do it with my mind. As a teacher, I am able to take knowledge—the most powerful weapon of them all—and place it into the hands of every student that passes through my classroom. I look at this wasteland and see lives that could have been saved, but I also see an opportunity; an opportunity to study these ruins and learn from this tragedy, and therefore become stronger. I am a huntsman, Ruby, because there is nothing else in this world I would rather be.

and the distinction between his response and those of the kids makes his reason for asking quite clear: the kids have these emotional needs, these abstract goals that they are trying to fulfill through the act of becoming huntresses, because it feels right to them, but they don’t really know how to fit the pieces together. in contrast, oobleck is able to immediately, succinctly articulate exactly how he understands himself and his place in the world, what being a huntsman means to him, and say ‘i am this because this is what i want’ with an absolute confidence that the kids don’t have yet.

the apparent implication—certainly this is how the kids take it—in oobleck declining to ask ruby this question is that it isn’t one she needs to hear; that she, like him, has such a clear and profound sense of purpose that she doesn’t need to be prompted to think about why she’s here.

but!

there’s another layer here that emerges in the next episode, when yang, blake, and weiss try to talk about the deeper underlying meanings behind the answers they gave and as a consequence end up sharing their deepest insecurities with each other:

WEISS: When I said I wanted to honor my family’s name, I meant it, but… it’s not what you think. I’m not stupid. I’m fully aware of what my father has done with the Schnee Dust Company. Since he took control, our business has operated in a… moral… grey area. […] Which is why I feel the need to make things right! If I had taken a job in Atlas, it wouldn’t have changed anything. My father was not the start of our name, and I refuse to let him be the end of it.

&

BLAKE: All my life, I’ve fought for what I thought was right. I had a partner, named Adam—more of a mentor, actually. He always assured me that what we were doing would make the world a better place, but of course his idea of a perfect future turned out to be… not perfect for everyone. I joined the academy because I knew huntsmen and huntresses were regarded as the most noble warriors in the world, always fighting for good, but I never really thought past that. When I leave the academy, how will I—how can I undo so many years of hate?

YANG: I’m sure you’ll figure it out. You’re not one to back down from a challenge, Blake.

BLAKE: But I am! I do it all the time! When you learned I was a faunus, I didn’t know what to do, so I ran! When I realized my oldest partner had become a monster, I ran! Even my semblance—I was born with the ability to leave behind a shadow of myself, an empty copy that takes the hit while I run away.

both of these statements, as noted, lay the emotional groundwork necessary for the arcs of personal change and growth that weiss and blake undergo in v4-5; weiss ultimately cleaves herself from her father and strikes out alone to carve her own path, and blake sheds the self-hatred adam left her with and finds the courage and confidence in herself to stand and face what she’s afraid of.

which makes what yang has to say pretty tantalizing for v9—not just with regards to yang herself, but also ruby:

YANG: At least you two have something that drives you. I’ve always just kind of… gone with the flow, you know? And that’s fine, I mean—that’s who I am, but how long can I really do that for? I want to be a huntress… not really because I want to be a hero, but because I want the adventure. I want a life where I won’t know what tomorrow will bring, and that will be a good thing. Being a huntress just happens to line up with that. I’m not like Ruby; she’s always wanted to be a huntress. It’s like she said—ever since she was a kid, she dreamt of being the heroes in the books, helping people and saving the day, and never asking for anything in return. Even when she couldn’t fight, she knew that’s what she wanted to do.

two things here:

1. yang expresses some latent frustration with this rootlessness that she feels and this painful dichotomy it creates in her of feeling simultaneously insecure and uncomfortable in that rootlessness but also wanting it–she wants to be unsure of where she belongs or what happens next but for that feeling to be good somehow, instead of bad, and she’s latched on to ‘adventure’ as a way to achieve that. she is at once proud of being a go-with-the-flow kind of person and terrified that it isn’t sustainable, and being a huntress to her is a way of trying to reconcile those contradictory feelings. which she still hasn’t done by the end of v8–all that’s changed between this discussion and now is that yang has added real moral conviction on top of this stuff.

2. on the face of it, ruby would seem to be the closest to oobleck’s “i am a huntsman because there is nothing else in this world that i would rather be”–but i think it’s important that we hear this from yang, not from ruby herself, because while it does align with what ruby said about herself in v1, this is less about ruby than it is about yang’s perception of who ruby is. and that makes it part of the unrelenting drumbeat of characters putting ruby on this pedestal of being the perfect huntress-in-training, the leader, the ideal they all want to emulate, to such an extent that by v8 this thing she’s wanted to be for her entire life has become the suffocating burden that is slowly breaking her. and that means that she is at once facing the question of what she does now that she’s achieved her dreams and been so deeply harmed by that success and how she navigates that internal struggle in the face of the absolute, unwavering faith her teammates have in her ability to lead them and be the ideal they want to follow.

which brings us to the last beat of the discussion in 2.10:

WEISS: Well, she’s still just a kid.

BLAKE: She’s only two years younger. We’re all just kids.

YANG: Well, not anymore. I mean, look where we are! In the middle of a war zone, armed to the teeth—

BLAKE: It’s the life we chose.

WEISS: It’s a job. We all had this romanticized notion of being a huntress in our heads, but at the end of the day, it’s a job to protect the people, and whatever we want will have to come second.

this was simultaneously something that it was important for the kids to come to grips to and also a line of thinking that makes it really dangerous for them to think of being a huntress as their identity and the thing of preeminent importance in their lives, because as long as they conceptualize the job of being a huntress in this way they are huntresses first and people second. and that is something that the narrative of rwby is clearly aware of–the importance of taking care of oneself first is a major plot point earlier in this same volume, and the trauma of continually sacrificing personal well-being for the sake of performing the duties of huntresses and huntsmen is made the emotional centerpiece of v7-8–so i think the identity arcs in v9 are probably going to involve a degree of reckoning with what being a huntress actually means and trying to conceive of a new way to be huntresses without destroying themselves in the process.

because it’s a job but it’s also a lot more than a job–it’s an identity, it’s an enormous part of who they are, and six volumes later the kids still haven’t figured out how to integrate that identity with the rest of themselves in order to achieve the balance and confidence that oobleck expresses when he answers the question of why.

…i also think the “no, that is what you do; why do you do it?” theme is likely to make a return with regards to the huge importance denizens of the ever after appear to place on one’s purpose in life. “what are you?” is an easy question. “why are you?” is harder, and “who are you?” perhaps even more difficult than that.

[racke7]

Sooo... I got bored and started trying to make crossovers happen again.

And basically, I've realized how very close BNHA and Worm are to each other, as far as settings are concerned.

Like, there are underlying differences in the world-building, but:

Powers appeared from an unknown source

Heroes and Villains are a thing

Powers are very unique, but tend to be "thematic" in families

In my opinion, the biggest differences between the settings are:

BNHA takes place in Japan, Worm in the USA

Scion is a well-known "all the powers"-cape, AFO is an unknown "all the powers"-cape

Worm has Endbringers

And... that's pretty much it.

Which lead me to think about "BNHA with Endbringers" and... it sure does fuck with the setting a LOT.

[lorephobic]

just read (from an extremely unreliable source) that booth had wanted to give his diamond stickpin to one of secretary seward’s maids who he had a thing for. which is extremely unlikely, (the source also suggests that booth might have already given the pin to her, which is why it wasn’t found on his body—a claim that i have a whole host of issues with) BUT. it does make me even more insane to think that booth had wanted to give the pin to a girl he was in love with, but had promised it to david instead.

or that david knew that booth wanted to give the pin to a girl he was in love with, and tried to claim it for himself after booth’s death.

[swashbucklery]

“IS IT heALthY iF LeSTaT sTalkED hIs BoYfRIeNd and wAsn’T HONesT aBouT wHAt he THoUghT of poLyAmORy”

1) the idea of Lestat wandering through the bayou to watch Louis get a blowjob in the swamp and angrily masturbate about it, then follow Louis home and sneak into the house up the back and pretend that everything is wonderful. And then - AND THEN - to spend the whole following day planning to dramatically fuck 100 soldiers to prove a point? Is objectively hilarious. I love it. 10/10. Who cares.

2) THEY MURDERED EACH OTHER. ALREADY. THEY ARE PROBLEMATIQUE, MES CHERIES.

3) the point of this show is not to role model a healthy relationship THEY’RE GAY VAMPIRES FROM THE TURN OF THE CENTURY just let them FUCK and KILL PEOPLE and YELL AT EACH OTHER while wearing INCREASINGLY ELABORATE DRAMATIC HOUSECOATS

[rejectshumanity]

i really need to sit down and list out all of dio’s powers by verse. there are so many that i can’t keep all of them straight in my head

[unopenablebox]

ok i actually seriously can’t handle the fact that that post was in the second person. “when i see people who i’ve smugly decided are less functional or well-adjusted than me, i want to impose my will on them and make them into productive citizens by sentencing them to TWO YEARS OF HARD LABOR ON THE OCEAN”

are you a press-ganger trying to justify kidnapping street urchins onto your ship? are these the wilde trials??? come the fuck on!!!!

[i-can-even-burn-salad]

Writing Habits Tag

I was tagged by @sergeantnarwhalwrites who I hope has some patience with me being snarky when I don't like the options XD

I'm gonna leave it as an open tag, and the unedited template is below the cut.

write: daily | most days | a few times a week I a few times a month | random

I write most often: when I first get up | later in the morning | afternoon | evening | the wee hours of the night | whenever

In one sitting, I tend to write: a few sentences at a time | a few hundred words | a few thousand words | a complete chapter / section no matter how long | an outline | whatever comes

I tend to write scenes: in chronological order with no skipping | mostly in order but with some filler / skipping | whatever scene I feel like who knows what's gonna come out

The things that comes easiest to me are: dialogue | description of senses | description of action I description of characters | exposition | other

I tend to write: on a phone | on a laptop I in a notebook I on whatever paper I can find I with speech to text I in the blood of my enemies | it doesn't really matter to me | on paper first and then typed up I old school typewriter on a computer

Here we get snarky. What are those options? What does a rainbow sparkly LED clown vomit gaming PC have to do with a typewriter? What does that even mean?

When I take a break from writing, it usually lasts: a few days | a few weeks | a few months I it's kind of random

My favorite thing to do when l'm on a writing break is: recharge with other creative hobbies | read / consume other media | do something physical | catch up with old friends | work on my WIP in other ways like with playlists or art I other

Wish I were writing

In general, I think my writing habits are: pretty much what I need them to be | okay, but l'm working on making them better I non-existent I not great I totally random I perfect for me

Fucking unhealthy, holy fucking shit

write: daily | most days | a few times a week I a few times a month| random

I write most often: when I first get up | later in the morning | afternoon | evening | the wee hours of the night | whenever

In one sitting, I tend to write: a few sentences at a time | a few hundred words | a few thousand words | a complete chapter / section no matter how long | an outline | whatever comes

I tend to write scenes: in chronological order with no skipping | mostly in order but with some filler / skipping | whatever scene I feel like who knows what's gonna come out

The things that comes easiest to me are: dialogue | description of senses | description of action I description of characters | exposition | other

I tend to write: on a phone | on a laptop I in a notebook I on whatever paper I can find I with speech to text I in the blood of my enemies | it doesn't really matter to me | on paper first and then typed up I old school typewriter on a computer

When I take a break from writing, it usually lasts: a few days | a few weeks | a few months I it's kind of random

My favorite thing to do when l'm on a writing break is: recharge with other creative hobbies | read / consume other media | do something physical | catch up with old friends | work on my WIP in other ways like with playlists or art I other

In general, I think my writing habits are: pretty much what I need them to be | okay, but l'm working on making them better I non-existent I not great I totally random I perfect for me

[erinmcsave]

I don’t think Erin retired. Her ACL happened in the top of her career, sadly, and never got the spot back because they had moved to Labbé on that year. Getting back to someone who just came back from a long injury and that was “old” was not a smart move (even if she was better than the new ones), so they didn’t. They kept her in the squad but not playing at all, for veteran situation, teaching the young etc. and eventually stopped calling her. I don’t think she took the decision to retire.

I think you may be right

[genderqueerdykes]

going insane thinking about how a lot of people don't understand that the labels FtM and MtF can also be used to describe intersex experiences and don't always necessarily reflect willing changes or inherently trans experiences. it makes me go insane when i realize i'm MtF but it's impossible to talk about because people don't understand that intersex experiences do not mirror trans experiences 1:1 and they don't have to because they're unique experiences that aren't shared by anyone else.

both trans and intersex experiences deserve equal space to be discussed. sometimes someone's sex changes multiple times. sometimes that's willing, sometimes it's not. whether or not it's voluntary doesn't make it any more important or valid to discuss. people who were born one way but were placed on hormones and/or had corrective procedures done still had a sex change done to them.

i'm MtFtM because i want my body to go back to the way it was before i was forced to undergo "corrective" treatment and procedures. that doesn't make me cis, this is an inherently intersex experience, and it does encompass being both MtF and FtM. it's complicated because of what i've gone through, both of my own volition, and against my will.

let intersex people discuss these experiences and be heard. break down the binary in your mind of what these phrases mean. our lives depend on it.

[lackadaisycats]

I hope you know that literally nobody is going to be able to live up to the standard you, V*v, and Glitch have set and your arrogance and exploitation of your fanbase and connections has screwed millions of creatives out of their dreams because Hollywood is a joke that isn't worth telling and wealthy e-celebs like yourself have claimed the indie scene all to yourselves and moved the goalposts into the stratosphere.

Nope. This isn't a zero sum game. There is not some limited, prescribed number of indie trophy slots that a few studios greedily filled up, blocking everyone else out. That is not how it works. Nothing any other creator is doing - short of personally sending hired goons to your doorstep or stealing your credit cards - is taking anything away from you or preventing your success. In fact if an indie creator can manage to demonstrate that they've got something viable going, it may help to map out a pathway for others.

I think I'm not going to bother trying to address whether or not cartoons in return for support from fans - an entirely voluntary exchange - constitutes exploitation. And I'm living in the Midwest driving a 2007 economy car with 200k+ miles on it, but let's just skip past the assumptions that I'm wealthy and connected too.

Instead, let's get to the weirdly myopic notion that the indie scene is held captive by three studios. Maybe YouTube algorithms or Twitter bubbles are somewhat to blame, but in actuality there are so, so many individual people, friend groups, and small production houses out there making independent animation, I cannot possibly name them all.

Here are some anyway:

Far-Fetched Worthikids Satina | Scumhouse Noodle and Bun Punch Punch Forever Ramshackle Noodle Papajoolia | Pipi Angel Hare | The East Patch Jonni Peppers Salad Fingers Monkey Wrench Studio Heartbreak Felix Colgrave JelloApocalypse Odd1sout (started indie, got picked up by Netflix) Allie Mehner JaidenAnimations Lumi and the Great Big Galaxy Cloudrise | The Worlds Divide Telepurte RubberRoss James Lee ENA Godspeed | Olan Rogers Ollie and Scoops Meat Canyon Port by the Sea Kekeflipnote Boxtown Kevin Temmer Weebl Joel Haver CircleToons Long Gone Gulch Atlas and the Stars Animist Skibidi Toilet A Fox in Space Alex Henderson Talon Toniko Pantoja Sr. Pelo Hullabaloo Kane Pixels (started indie, picked up by A24) Homestar Runner Fennah Gods' School Alan Becker Dungeon Flippers JazLyte Psychicpebbles (started indie, Smiling Friends picked up by AS) Piemations vewn Metal Family Dead Sound chluaid Jacknjellify Betsy Lee | No Evil My Pride Cranbersher GeoExe | Gwain Saga Horatio the Vampire Mech West Playground | Rodrigo Sousa The Brave Locomotive Finchwing (+ many other Warrior Cats animators) Quazies SamBakZa Kamikaze: Trial by Fire

By no means a full list. That's just YouTube, and mostly just English language stuff, and I didn't even get to the multitudes of Warrior Cats animation collabs.

The point is, the indie landscape is vast and populated by creators new and old, making all kinds of animated media from skits, to shows, to ARGs, to films. Audience sizes vary as much as the content, stylistic approaches, subject matter, and budgets do. There are no compliance standards, no gateways to entry, no goalposts. There's not even any preset definition of success except what you decide for yourself.

Anyway, instead of nurturing your resentments, consider making something. I assure you, it's a far more rewarding use of your time and energy, and pretty much no one can stop you. ------------- EDIT- Made some additions to the list based on comments. Thanks!

[planetlessmoon]

* HOWEVER FLAREON IS THE ONLY FULLY EVOLVED FIRE POKÉMON THAT CANNOT LEARN SOLAR BEAM

Realized I've never properly drawn Gaster Undertlae

[palestinianstatemedia]

When zionism was founded you can literally trace herzl and Ben gurion and his companions speaking about the "voluntary" and "involuntary" transfer of the "fellahin" or the Palestinians. They begin their "transfer" committees (because ethnic cleansing was not a term back then) to argue and talk in depth about whether to buy their movement to Iraq and send memos to the United States articulating that "voluntary" transfer plan. You can pinpoint when ben gurion gets frustrated and talks of forced transfer being the only way to make a jewish majority state. All this said about palestinians and our inferiority and that we must be "uprooted" from the land. We understand zionism as it is in action not your arbitrary conceptions of what it could be "despite its history"

[jewishvitya]

I remembered this essay from years ago when I was unlearning what I knew of Israel and zionism and I couldn't find it again, and now I see it in a Shaun video, with the source.

Ze'ev Jabotinsky, "The Iron Wall." I downloaded it from the Jabotinsky Institute.

These are the titles he gave this essay:

I said that Zionist leaders explicitly talked about Zionism as a colonialist movement. This is an example of what I was talking about.

Some quotes:

There can be no voluntary agreement between ourselves and the Palestine Arabs. Not now, nor in the prospective future. I say this with such conviction, not because I want to hurt the moderate Zionists. I do not believe that they will be hurt. Except for those who were born blind, they realised long ago that it is utterly impossible to obtain the voluntary consent of the Palestine Arabs for converting "Palestine" from an Arab country into a country with a Jewish majority.

My readers have a general idea of the history of colonisation in other countries. I suggest that they consider all the precedents with which they are acquainted, and see whether there is one solitary instance of any colonisation being carried on with the consent of the native population. There is no such precedent.

He's saying openly: no land was colonized with the consent of its indigenous population. So we have to do it without that consent.

Every native population in the world resists colonists as long as it has the slightest hope of being able to rid itself of the danger of being colonised.

That is what the Arabs in Palestine are doing, and what they will persist in doing as long as there remains a solitary spark of hope that they will be able to prevent the transformation of "Palestine" into the "Land of Israel."

He said that any zionist who depends on the Arab population accepting a Jewish state on their lands, might as well withdraw from zionism because that's impossible.

Zionist colonisation must either stop, or else proceed regardless of the native population. Which means that it can proceed and develop only under the protection of a power that is independent of the native population – behind an iron wall, which the native population cannot breach.

And then he says that this Iron Wall is the British Mandate and the Balfour Declaration - they're the power that stops Palestinians from resisting us.

He says that despite this, zionism is moral and just, so justice must be done, zionism must move forward. He just wants to be honest about what it takes. He wants to discourage talks of an agreement to avoid signaling to the British that they must try to reach one between us and Palestinians. Just stop them from fighting us, we'll colonize the place.

Zionism was openly colonialist until this language was no longer politically useful.

Editing because I was kinda shocked by the response this got, in several moments. When the slavery of US founders was brought up to dismiss this whole thing. When First Nations reservations were brought up on the same list as the United States as equivalent to Israel, because I said I oppose the existence of a country that prioritizes one ethnic group at the expense of others, and I support democracy that protects everyone equally.

But another thing that's still nagging at me is the idea that this whole essay can be dismissed based on semantic arguments, like sure this uses the word colonialism, but is it actually the colonialism that we talk about and oppose? And what if this word is only used to appeal to the British for support?

This isn't the the first time that prominent zionist thinkers talk about zionism as a colonialist movement. I saw it in old publications, things like magazines, I'd be posting them too if I found them again. I did my own deconstructing years ago, I don't remember where I found all my sources.

I do remember that they talked about the two concepts together - the idea that we're here to colonize, and that we're here to come home. So nowadays there's the arguement that people can't colonize their own homeland, but to them there was no contradiction. I saw it again looking at Herzl's diary last night.

I say I define colonialism through actions and tactics, through the harm that's done to the victims of colonization. Because if we knowingly repeated the actions of colonizers and used the help of an imperial force to conquer a land, having a historic connection to it shouldn't absolve us.

Jabotinsky didn't write to the British in this essay. He wrote to other zionists who wanted to aim for something more collaborative with Palestinian Arabs. And it's true that word choice can mean different things in the context of the time, but there's a reason I chose those quotes. What is he actually saying in this essay?

Consider colonization throughout history - the native population never agreed, so we must do the as colonizers did in the past.

Palestinians will never agree to a Jewish state - so we must do it by force. We should use an imperial force as an "iron wall" to prevent them from resisting. Stop talking about an agreement because then the British will try to reach one instead of holding them back and letting us do our thing.

He's comparing the zionist movement to other efforts of colonization, to talk about emulating them.

This isn't a game of semantics. I'm not just bringing this up just because he used the words.

What he's describing - conquest by force, preventing a Palestinian state, forcibly creating a Jewish majority - is what happened. And it's still what's happening.

This is the branch of zionism that went into practice and founded Israel.

[her-favorite]

THREE’S COMPANY; M. STURNIOLO & M. BEER

MATT STURNIOLO X F!READER X MADISON BEER

warnings: SMUT, NOT A THREESOME!!, madison x reader / matt x reader (only), mean!dom!matt/sub!reader/soft!dom!madison, sex in public, strap on (mads), matt AND madison the munch, degrading, i thiiink that’s it (besides the usual)!

wc: 13,906

a/n: i’m so sorry for the people that were waiting for this for how long it took!! it took me so long to figure out the plot and once i did, i got to writing! soo hopefully you guys like longer fics, get some snacks and enjoy :)!

SYNOPSIS: When Matt and Madison both have their eyes on their friend, what better solution was there then to share?

tags!: @chrissv4mp @mattybsgroupie @cuntymilaa @ihavenoideayimhere @fratboychrisera @lizzymacdonald06 @riasturns @emotionalblues @y0urval3ntine @pinksturniolo @blahbel668 @x0x0bunny @watercolorskyy @riversandwinds @https--roman @fratbrochrisgf @chrisbesitos @vrlixlia

m.b. & m.s. masterlist

-

Neither of them had planned this. It just happened.

When you had walked into Madison’s life, you both had immediately hit it off. You were her best friend. You both would go on weekly friend-dates, have movie nights, go shopping, all of it. There was almost nothing you guys wouldn’t do together.

The day that Madison had introduced you to the Sturniolo triplets was the day things changed.

When you had met Matt, he had immediately felt infatuated with you. And, despite you being as close as possible with Madison, you hadn’t known of her crush on you - and, thankfully, she was unaware of yours as well. But it was complicated; you had feelings for your best friends.

Every time you, Madison and the triplets would hang out, you couldn’t help but notice the way Madison would gravitate towards you, as if marking you as her own. You spent so much time denying that fact, too unconvinced that she could even have an inkling of a crush on you. But the way her arm slung around your waist or her hand fitting into yours was a hint. Though, you chalked it up to her just being a touchy person.

With Matt, it was different. He wasn’t as affectionate as Madison was, steering away from making any voluntary physical intimacy between you two, too scared to make you uncomfortable. He would occasionally rest a hand on your back if he noticed you getting nervous in a busy outing, or to move you away when you’re unaware of someone else’s presence around you. Matt’s touch always seemed to be when he deemed needed, not like Madison’s where it was when she wanted it.

Today, your entire friend group had arranged a hang out at the new restaurant that had just opened up down the street. Once you figured out Madison was going, you had agreed. Your decision was only amplified when you had gotten word that the triplets were going as well.. which, obviously, meant Matt.

It was borderline embarrassing the way you centered your outings on whether your two best friends were going or not. You had tried to convince yourself that it was just because you felt the most comfortable around them, so it felt safer to be out when they were around.. which wasn’t necessarily a lie, it was just.. not the only answer.

Madison texted you earlier, offering to pick you up and take you with her to the restaurant. Without a doubt in your mind, you agreed, receiving a cute typed out smile and a thumbs up in return.

Hours went by until Madison had texted you saying she was at your house. You had gotten ready and sprayed on the right amount of perfume, hoping your friend would say something about it.. god, you were whipped. And she wasn’t even yours!

Smiling as you rush out to her, it tenfolds as your eyes notice her sitting in her car, waiting for you. Looking away from her radio, Madison’s brown eyes light up as a wide smile settles across her soft, pink lips. Despite knowing her for so long, every time you both saw each other was like the first time. The thought always made your heart race as it reminded you that Madison felt the same way as you whenever you saw her.. could she feel a certain way about something else, too?

“Hi.” Madison drags out the vowel with a smile as you hop into the passenger side. You return it, reaching over to buckle yourself in. Leaning back against the seat, the sound of the music fills the otherwise silent car. “I’m glad you’re going. I was hoping it wouldn’t be me just sulking the entire time ‘cause you weren’t there.” She teases, but deep down, Madison knew her words were true. Despite her loving her friends to the end of the earth, she felt a different way about you. She didn’t know why.. or even what she felt, but it was weird and foreign - a feeling she’s never felt for someone before.

Her words make your heart skip a beat. Madison has always had this effect on you, somehow making you flustered by the littlest things. You hoped that she didn’t notice the way you reacted, too nervous for her to figure out the way you truly feel for her. If you were honest with yourself, it was pathetic the way you liked her. She was your best friend.. and you hated the way you would do anything for her.

“Yeah? You’d miss me that much?” You smile. Your tone had copied hers, a teasing edge to your voice. Despite the joking, you kind of hoped she was telling the truth. You’d be lying if you said your heart wouldn’t crack a little if she denied.

Madison rolls her eyes at your question. “Duh.” She says, mindlessly moving her hand slightly to squeeze yours. Madison wasn’t a stranger to affection, she always loved being close to you - in any way. You never declined her touch, too enamored with the contact from the girl to even think of saying no. “When do I not miss you?” She adds, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world that you were constantly on her mind. The thought made you spiral.

“Oh! It’s almost past six, we should get going.” Madison notices, startling you out of your daze. Her hand had left you to move the gearshift, the warmth of her palm immediately leaving you. You sigh quietly as you relax into the seat again, Madison’s car pulling out of your driveway as she starts to drive down your street, to the restaurant your plans were set at.

“You okay?” She asks, in that soft, perfect voice of hers. The question caught you off guard as you turn your head to look over at her. Her eyes were fixed on the road ahead, but you noticed the way she looked away when you had moved to watch her.

“Yeah, ‘m’fine.” You mumble. “Why?” You ask, your brows furrowing slightly. You knew Madison could read you like a book; it was almost irritating the way she knew you and your body language so well.

To Madison, you’ve been acting distant lately. She didn’t know what was wrong or if she had done something, but it was bothering her. Were you growing apart from her? Did you not like hanging out with her anymore? She didn’t want you push you away, truly, but she was too focused on getting the answer to her own questions.

She shrugs slightly, switching her footing to let the gas peddle go as the light turns green. “Just.. wanted to make sure nothing was bothering you.” Madison replies, her hand tapping lightly against the steering wheel. “I feel like,” she stops herself, pouting her lips as she thinks if her next words were a good idea or not. Biting the bullet, she says, “I feel like you’re.. drifting from me.” Madison admits quietly. There was an edge of anxiety in her voice that your mind had instantly picked up on.

Her words made your eyes widen slightly. How long has she been thinking this? You sit up in your seat, looking over at her. It wasn’t like you could tell her what was going through your head. Hey, Mads, I love you in a non-friends way! But, no, I’m fine!

You swallow dryly as your eyes wander her side profile. She was perfect.. “Madison, I.. I’m sorry.” You say softly. “I’ve just been in my head a lot recently, which isn’t an excuse, but,” you shrug, trailing off. “I’m sorry I made you feel like that.” You say earnestly, watching her reaction. You didn’t know what you would’ve done had you revealed the truth.. well, you weren’t lying per-say - it just wasn’t the entire truth.

Madison soaks in your words as she nods. Her grasp on the wheel relaxes at your explanation, glancing over at you as she presses on the brakes as she stops at a red light. Her eyes look into yours, the dark, hypnotizing irises that make your breath hitch. She reaches over the console between you and gently takes your hand, giving it a soft squeeze - whether it was to reassure you or her. You felt your heart skip a beat, despite your friend’s natural affection.

“I understand, Y/N.” Madison nods, subconsciously rubbing her thumb against the side of yours. “Sorry for springing this on you — ”

“Don’t apologize.” You shake your head and squeeze her hand. “I’m glad you told me.” Your voice comes out softer than usual, your sincerity clear in your tone. Madison nods and gives you a smile.

As she turns down the street, you realize that she’s yet to pull her hand away from yours. Did she even notice that she was still holding your hand? You couldn’t complain either way, but.. you hated the way your stomach filled with butterflies at the touch.

The restaurant came into view down the street as Madison drives closer. There was a bunch of cars already parked in the lot around it, some of them you recognizing as your friends. Madison mumbles to herself as she drives around, trying to find a parking space. Once you help her, she places it in park and shuts off her car. Her free hand moves to grab her purse before tensing up as she realizes her other hand was still in yours.

“Sorry.” Madison mutters, reluctantly taking away the warmth of her hand. Your palm immediately felt the chill from the AC that was previously on, but you shrugged her apology off. It was often that Madison held your hand, but right now, something felt different.

Stepping out of her car, you sigh as you try to forget all of your loud thoughts. Being in there with Madison, it was difficult. Recently - whenever you’re hanging out with her one on one - it was hard keeping your feelings at bay. It was like they doubled over as you talked with her; just being in the same vicinity as her made your heart flutter.

Rounding her car, you finally got a good look at her outfit.

Clad in her signature baggy blue jeans, they sit on her legs as they blow slightly from the wind. A strap on her tank top was shown as her zip up jacket hung off one shoulder. The outfit was very Madison, cute but comfortable. You hated the way you couldn’t keep your eyes off of her.

Making your way inside, you follow behind Madison as she walks up to the host’s stand. Giving him the name of your friend that held the event, the host nods as he leads you towards the long table. Your friends sit together, chatting and laughing before they smile, noticing you and Madison make your way over. Waves exchange, as well as greetings.

You make your way to an empty seat, Madison accompanying you to your right. You talk with your friends, all while the heat from Madison’s body beside you radiates onto you, distracting you.

Your attention’s snapped to the sounds of footsteps coming closer. Looking over, three familiar silhouettes make their way closer. Your lips curl up as the triplets come by the table, greetings exchanged again as people chat and laugh with each other.

“Hey, Y/N!” Chris smiles, bending over to give you a hug as you sit in your chair. Despite being the closest with Matt, Chris was like a brother to you - texting you, calling you whenever he claims to miss you, or giving you random bear hugs whenever he deems necessary. Chris has always been an affectionate person with his loved ones, it was easy to feel cared for by him.

The three of them take the seats beside you, Matt claiming the chair next to you. He gave you a sweet smile as he sits down, his usual greeting falling from his lips. Your eyes focus on him, subconsciously raking along his outfit. A white tanktop was underneath a baby blue polo, matched with jeans. The outfit was, arguably, one of your favorites - you always thought he looked really good in blue.

When it came to Matt and Madison, it was easy for your attention to be drawn to them. It was as if they were some sort of magnet to you, always attracting your focus on to them. It was frustrating in a way, having your eyes on them whenever they were around, but the way you felt about them.. it was undeniable. And you hated that. It was wrong, they’re your best friends. Besides, it wasn’t like you could have both.

Orders have been placed as your drinks have already been served. The table was filled with chatter as the sound takes over the restaurant, adding to the other families and couples that were also inside the building. Conversations flowed easily as your head turned from left to right, friend to friend.

You jump slightly as you feel a warm hand welcome itself on your thigh. Your eyes dart down to it, noticing the french tips on the acrylics that were pressed on to their nails. It was obvious who it was, but your eyes trailed the arm up as you look over at Madison beside you. It wasn’t unusual for her to have her hands on you, but in public?

Something felt different tonight; like the feeling you had earlier in her car. Was she being possessive when she slightly tightened her grasp on your thigh, or was it just a habit? Were you reading too much into it when you saw Matt’s blue eyes darken when he noticed Madison’s hand on you? Or were you just convincing yourself that his clenched jaw meant that he was impatient for food and not because of how he wished that was his palm on your thigh?

A gasp leaves your lips as Madison’s nails lightly graze against your thigh, bare skin shown as your skirt rode up from sitting down. Your thighs squish together, but Madison’s fingers didn’t care - they trace along the area near your inner thigh, as if teasing you on purpose. Was she doing this on purpose? You knew better than to get your hopes up, but this felt like something more than just.. usual affection. You were used to Madison being physical with you, but she’s never held your thigh like this - it felt almost.. intimate in a way.

“Meet me in the bathroom? Please?” Madison whispers in your ear, eliciting goosebumps on your skin. There were times where you and her would go to the restroom together to touch up makeup or to just take a breath from the public and sit with each other. But now.. this felt unusual; like she had some sort of ulterior motives. But something inside you was drawn to her, begging to accept her offer.

With a dry swallow, you nod. Meeting her hazel eyes, Madison’s full lips curl up at your answer. “Good.” She mumbles. Glancing away, she gives a, “be right back,” to the people around her, squeezing your thigh. The action makes you inhale sharply, not expecting it. Madison gets up from her seat, giving you a look as she tucks it under the table before walking in the direction of the restroom sign at the other side of the room.

Waiting another minute, your eyes scan the table, hoping not to have any attention on you. Letting out an exhale, you try to shrug off the nerves as you get up from your chair. Biting at your bottom lip, you push the seat in before quietly walking away as you follow Madison’s previous footsteps.

On the way there, you hadn’t felt those blue eyes on you.

Shoving the door open to the women’s restroom, you look around to make sure it was empty. Thankfully, the small room was vacant as you made your way in further. Swallowing nervously, you mumble, “Mads?”

The click of a lock sounds through the room as your heart rate picks up. Looking over to the stalls, you watch the way the white door opens and your best friend pops her head out. A quiet chuckle leaves you, despite your undeniable nerves. Why were you so nervous? She’s your best friend, nothing weird could happen. Besides, you’re in public.

“Sorry for taking you away from everyone.” Madison breaks the silence, walking out of the stall and coming closer to you. Shaking your head, you dismiss her words. “I just wanted to talk to you.” She adds. Licking her lips, she reaches forward and gently takes your hands in hers. A jolt of warmth had flowed through you as your palm met hers, your heart fluttering at the contact.

“What’re you doing to me?” Madison whispers, seeming to be more of a question to herself than anyone else. The words confuse you, but you let her speak. “You’re so pretty, Y/N.” She mumbles, leaning down to press her forehead to yours. Your breath hitched in your throat at the action. You and Madison have cuddled countless times, but this.. this felt amorous.

Madison’s breath hits against your lips. Despite the warmth of it, it sends a chill down your spine being so close to her. “I need you.” She whispers, her soft words flowing into the air around you both. They ring and ring in your ears, replaying until you get the courage to reply. Your lips part as your heart starts to beat faster.

“Have me.”

At your confirmation, Madison doesn’t wait a second to lean forward and press her lips to yours. You inhale through your nose, your eyes closing in content as your heart beats faster and faster. This felt like it was out of one of your dreams. You’re kissing your best friend.. you’re kissing Madison.

Her pink lips mesh with yours, the entire scenario feeling surreal. Her lips were so soft against yours, pillows that soothed your inner nerves. Your hands were hesitant as they moved up to gently cup her cheeks. Madison smiles into the kiss. Despite not being able to see it, it was still contagious as your lips curl up. At that, you both break away to regain your breaths as your exhales hit each other’s mouths.

“Needed this for so long.” Madison whispers. Her confession surprises you, but before you could reply, she smashes her lips to yours again. Her hands grasp your hips, fingers massaging into your skin through your clothes. Her tongue licks along your lip, asking for access. Immediately, you couldn’t help but give in as you part your lips, tongues tangling in a desperate kiss. Your hand glides to the back of her head, mixing into her soft, silky hair. Her taste was addicting, the lingering flavor of her cherry chapstick adding to the feeling of her lips. In the back of your mind, you knew you were going to get addicted to this and it scared you. What if this was a one time thing?

Pushing your lips closer to hers - if even possible - you try your best to forget the fleeting thoughts. Madison quickly reciprocates your passion, her tongue roaming your mouth as if it were hers. You couldn’t say you’d mind if she claimed it.

Pulling away from your lips, Madison’s eyes flutter open as you follow her. Swallowing dryly, you make eye contact with her. Her pink lips were swollen from your kisses. Reaching her hand up, she gently takes your bottom lip under her thumb and drags it down. She watches you as she licks her own lips, your lower lip still pulled down as she leans forward again, slowly pushing her tongue to the front of her parted lips as she connects it with yours. The kiss was messy and needy, but it felt so good.

Taking a few steps back, her hands on your hips allow you to follow her. “Want you.” Madison whispers against your lips. She’s slowly pulling you back into the open stall, shutting the door and clicking the lock shut before resting your back against the door. “Let me have you, please.” She breathes, her grip growing possessive on your body.

Mindlessly, you nod. Was this some sort of crazy realistic dream? Your best friend, Madison Beer, was standing in front of you, admitting that she’s wanted you for so long. The thought alone makes your heart race. So long? As long as you wanted her?

“Words, baby. Need to know you want this.” Madison hums softly, bringing her hand up to brush a strand of hair away from your face. Her gentle, yet commanding tone only adds to your growing need.

Nodding again, you reply, “Yes, Madison. Please.” You didn’t care how desperate you sounded, you needed this. You’ve dreamt about this for as long as you can remember, even seeing her in this light makes an ache form between your legs. You couldn’t count the amount of times you’ve woken up from a dream so similar to this - one where you’ve had to soothe the throbbing in your panties.

Madison smiles at your response, nodding slightly. “Already such a good girl for me.” She praises, her hand that was in your hair moving to trace along the side of your face. Her words make your thighs clench, something Madison immediately picks up on. “You like me calling you that, pretty girl?” She smiles, her hands grazing along your body. You nod as you let out a shaky exhale. Humming, Madison licks over her teeth. Her hand takes yours as she leads it down to her crotch. Your eyes widen as you feel something hard beneath her baggy jeans. Glancing from her pants up to her eyes, Madison chuckles lowly at your shocked reaction.

She wore this here?

She presses down on your palm, making your hand grasp the strap harder. You could feel your arousal start to pool as the tingly feeling in your stomach makes your heart beat faster. Leaning forward, Madison grazes her nose along your neck. Your pulse beats quickly against your skin as you rest your head back against the door of the stall. Your eyes flutter shut as her lips start to pepper kisses to your neck. They grow wetter and more eager as seconds go by, traveling down to the neckline of your shirt.

Her hands move to glide up your waist, bunching at the hem of your shirt. “Can I take this off?” Madison murmurs, her lips never stopping their kisses on your skin. With a nod and a quiet, “please,” she does so and haphazardly places your shirt on the small area above the toilet paper dispenser.

Madison lets out an exhale as she takes you in, silently thanking you as you decided to go braless. Leaning back down again, she lays her lips on your skin, taking a leisure pace down your chest. The thought of all your friends being out in the rest of the restaurant was nowhere near the forefront of your mind - the only thing you’re thinking of being Madison.

Your hand rests softly on the back of her head as she gets down to your breasts. Your lips part as a gasp leaves them once Madison’s pretty lips wrap around your nipple. Threading your fingers through her brunette hair, your breathing picks up as her tongue lathers the sensitive area. A whimper escapes you as she starts to suck on it, your hand tugging lightly. Your thighs clench together as your desire for her only seems to grow more intense as the seconds go by.

Madison’s free hand slides up your body and grasps your boob, massaging the tissue. The added stimulation makes another sound emit from your lips as you arch into her touch. Her fingers tweak at your nipple as her mouth pulls on your other one.

Madison detaches from your nipple, your eyes fluttering open to look down at her. A thin string of saliva connects from her lips to your breast, the sight making an uncontrollable whine leave your throat. She chuckles quietly at your reaction, licking her lips to cut the string off. Madison skims her hands along your body, acrylics hooking into your waistband, the light scratch of them sending a shiver down your spine.

“Need to taste you so bad, Y/N.” Madison mumbles. Your fast breathing makes your words more difficult, so you set on nodding. Madison watches your consent as she pulls your skirt down, letting your panties fall with it. Nibbling at her bottom lip, the fabric that hid your lower half sat on the floor as her hazel eyes wandered your now bare body. You felt so exposed, not only to her eyes, but being so vulnerable in public.

“Such a pretty girl.” Madison hums. Her praise sends a jolt of warmth through your body, mixed with her low, sultry tone. “I need you to be quiet for me, okay?” She coos, maintaining eye contact with you as she begins to kneel down. You nod quickly, her words barely clicking in your mind, too caught up in the way your best friend looks on her knees. It was pathetic the way you immediately melted beneath her, ready to obey any order she gives you. But it’s always been like that - this time was just more.. intimate.

At your nod, Madison hums quietly. Gently parting your thighs, you fix your positioning of your feet to give her better access. You swallow heavily as you watch her, your heart racing. You were too close to pinching yourself to make sure this was real.

Madison keeps a firm grip on your thighs before wrapping her hand under one and pushing it on top of her shoulder. It gave her a better opportunity to see and taste you. Looking up at you from between your legs, Madison gives you a smile. “Gonna make you feel so good, baby.” She promises.

Without warning, Madison leans forward and dives in. Licking a stripe up your center, her warm tongue collects your arousal. The sudden action elicits a gasp from you as your hand instinctively reaches for the back of her head. With the smooth surface of the door behind you, there was nothing to hold on to, so your fingers curled into a fist as your head rested back against it. Your bare back held goosebumps from the cold temperature of the door, but your mind was too clouded with the way Madison was making you feel to care about anything else.

She lathers your pussy with her saliva, only adding to the already drenched area. Her brown eyes stay focused on your face as she wraps her full lips around your clit, the sides of them curling up as she watches you let out a breathy moan. Digging her acrylics into your thighs, she eats you out like a woman starved. It was as if she had been waiting for this moment forever and now that she has it, she wasn’t gonna let it go to waste.

Gliding down again, her tongue teases at your entrance. You whine slightly, your fingers tightening in her hair. You knew you admittedly had no reason to be impatient, but you’ve been waiting for this for as long as you can remember. You needed her, and needed her now.

“Shh, angel. I’ll give you whatever you want, okay?” Madison coos softly. The gentleness of her voice and words soothe you immediately, your hand loosening in her soft hair. Nodding, you lick your lips as you decide to meet her gaze. Her brown eyes were darkened, filled to the brim with lust. Pink lips were curled up as she stays put just centimeters away from where you desperately needed her.

As if Madison knew what you were thinking, she leans forward and laps at your wetness again. The action elicited a shaky inhale from you, the intense eye contact with her only fueling the fire that was growing inside you.

The taste of you on Madison’s tongue was like a drug to her. She knew that, now that she has the knowledge of what you taste like, she’s going to be thinking about it every time she looks at you. And, inside, she knew that this was probably a dangerous situation to be in to in the first place, but.. Madison didn’t care - at least, not right now, as she’s tongue deep inside you. And, god, you tasted so good. Madison was done for.

Your chest heaves as Madison greedily soaks in your flavor, your fingers tugging at her hair, mindlessly. The pressure made her whine against you, the vibration making your breath hitch. One of her hands glides away from your thigh, rubbing fast, unrelenting circles to your clit. Her tongue has yet to stop, savoring your taste on it as she wiggles it around. Hazel eyes repeatedly open and flutter shut, wanting to enjoy your flavor, but also wanting to watch you react to her actions.

Madison desperately wanted you to release, seeking for more of your taste. The knot inside your stomach tightened as the pace of her fingers and tongue doesn’t stop, your hand clutching at her brunette locks. Whines and moans left your lips, too caught up in the pleasure to remember where you were right now. Madison didn’t seem to care, besides her hand wouldn’t be able to cover your mouth at her position any way.

“Cum for me, baby. Please.” Madison mumbles into you, immediately resuming her actions once she’s done talking. Her words were the last push, the band inside you breaking as her fingers on your clit only stimulate you more. Crying out her name, your thighs tremble as Madison eagerly laps up your release. It was as if she was trying to quench her thirst of you, to let it satiate her need for you.

Quick breaths leave you as your chest rises and falls in a fast motion. Your eyes are closed as you try to regain your steady breathing, your fingers limp in her hair now. Madison presses one last gentle kiss to your sensitive clit before slowly getting up and placing your leg back on the floor. Keeping her hands at your hips, she helps steady you.

Looking up at her, you have to hold back a sound at the view: her lips were a darker shade of pink, swollen and covered in your arousal. Madison licks her lips, humming at the left over taste of you on her. She leans forward, pressing her forehead to yours again. Even in such intimate moments like this, Madison still is her affectionate self. Her little actions like these remind you that she’s still that same girl you’ve known all these years, the same best friend you’ve been in love with since you’ve known her.

Madison’s breath hits your lips, mingling with yours. “Please.. let me fuck you.” She whispers breathlessly, her blunt words surprising you. Despite that, you loved the way she always spoke her mind, and the way she makes sure you know what she wants only heightens your state of arousal. “Need it.. need you.” Madison grasps your hips tighter, bringing your body against hers.

“Have me.. ‘m’all yours, Mads.” You mutter, swallowing dryly. Your hands move down to her jeans as you keep eye contact with her, only adding to the tension in the small restroom. At your reply, Madison’s eyes darken, her jaw clenching. Hearing you call yourself hers made something inside her snap, not wasting a second from denying herself this any longer.

Madison helps you undo her jeans, letting the baggy material fall to her feet. Her strap sat on her, the sight of it all making your thighs clench together. Never would you have thought you’d see Madison, your best friend, half-naked in front of you with a strap on that she was going to use on you. The view is mouth watering, the way the pink belt wraps around her hips, her smooth skin showing underneath. Your hands reach forward to glide slowly along the hem of her zip-up, fingertips tracing along the bottom of her tank top.

“You want this off?” Madison coos, her hands following yours. Nodding fervently, Madison chuckles at your eagerness. She zips her jacket down and pulls off her top, folding them and letting them join where she put your shirt.

With Madison completely bare in front of you now, you could feel your heart practically trying to break free from your chest. Your hands reach out as you hesitantly glide your fingertips along her sides. She leans into it, letting out a soft, shaky breath when your palms gently cup her breasts. Her hands move to envelop yours, adding pressure to make your palms squeeze the tissue. She lets out a breathy sound from the action, the feeling of her nipples beneath your hands only adding to the throbbing feeling between your legs.

“Can’t wait.” Madison whispers, her hands moving to grasp at your hips. They glide down to your thighs, holding tightly. “Jump.” She commands. You obey, helping her place your legs around her waist. Pinning you to the door, her acrylics dig into the plush skin of your thighs as she steadies you in her grasp. “Fuck, you look so perfect like this. My pretty girl.” Madison praises, her words sending heat straight to your core. Her pretty girl. Did she know what she was doing to you?

Your arms snake around her shoulders as she holds you. Madison looks down, pressing her hips to yours to keep you up. Moving her hands, she parts your lower lips as she slowly glides the tip of the dildo along your pussy. A gasp escapes you, your nails gripping on to the skin of her shoulders.

“You’re gonna look so pretty taking my dick, baby.” Madison hums, as if it was the most normal sentence. Her dirty words elicit a whine from you, the mixed sensation of that and the feeling of the silicone teasing your entrance. She pushes her hips forward, leisurely thrusting the tip inside of you. “Taking me so well, Y/N. Doing so good.” Madison murmurs, her voice soft with care. Her brown eyes watch the way you suck in the pink silicone, the sight making her own arousal begin to travel to her inner thighs.

As she plunges deeper inside you, a whine leaves you as she finally fills you to the hilt. “I know, I know,” Madison coos, rubbing soft circles on your hips with her thumbs. “You look so beautiful taking all of me, sweet girl.” She says, staying still to let you adjust to the size of the silicone. Averting her eyes to yours, her pupils wander your expression. Something inside Madison was telling her this wasn’t real; it couldn’t have been.

But all of that was denied when you jerked your hips forward, whining for her to move. She lets out a low chuckle, licking her lips. “So impatient.” Pulling her hips back, she teases you as she lets the tip rest at your hole, not giving you what you needed.

“Madison! Please, I need - ” You start, ready to beg her.

Madison shakes her head slightly before forcefully thrusting her hips forward. With the rough push, a harsh moan escapes you as your eyes squeeze shut. Nails digging into her skin, your back arches against the door as Madison forms a rhythm with her movements. “No begging, pretty girl. Wanna give you what you need, m’kay?” She huffs, breathing becoming uneven as she moves.

The way that Madison rams her hips into yours leaves you breathless, needy for more, despite the raw way she’s fucking you against the wall of a stall. The thought makes you shiver as you remember exactly where you are: a restaurant, hanging out with all of your friends. This was wrong, beyond wrong. But you couldn’t find it in yourself to care, too high on the feeling of Madison plunging her strap-on deeper and faster into you.

“You.. You were made for me, Y/N.” Madison pants, biting at her bottom lip. Your body jolts with every thrust, your breasts bouncing with each motion. You nod eagerly - mindlessly - at her words. If you were to speak, it’d be incoherent babbles, the utter pleasure heightening as Madison’s thumb reaches down to rub at your clit again.

At a particularly rough jolt of her hips, a cry leaves you. Madison’s gaze immediately turns to your face. “Shh, babygirl, need you to be quiet. Can you do that?” She asks, though never relenting the harsh pace against you. Her words just barely register in your mind, already too fucked-out. You nod, whimpering as you breathe quickly. Madison nods and hums an approval. “Good girl.. such a good fucking girl.” With every word, she thrusts as deep as possible, speaking through clenched teeth.

Your shaky hand immediately travels up to your mouth, muffling the constant noises falling from them. Never have you felt such pleasure from sex before, but with Madison, it was like the only thing you got was pleasure. She was so focused on making sure you felt good, craving the reactions that you give her. Leaning forward, Madison lays her lips on your neck, leaving messy, wet kisses on the skin. Her lips lead down to your collarbone, licking along the canvas of your bare skin, as if trying to claim it as hers.

It wasn’t long before you felt that familiar knot inside your lower stomach again. The entire situation was so overwhelming, from being fucked by your best friend, to being in public, to already have came from Madison’s mouth. You were already sensitive from the previous orgasm, too caught up in the pleasure of it all to let the second one pass.

Clenching around the toy, you move your fingers away from your lips. “I.. ‘m’gonna cum, Mads!” You warn, your thighs tensing around her waist. Madison hums against your skin, popping her lips off of your collarbone where she left a mark. Licking her lips, she moves her head back to watch you.

“Do it. Want you to let go for me, okay? All over my cock.” Madison says, her words harsh, but her tone a mixture between soft and demanding. With her permission, and a few more thrusts, your head hits back against the door as a loud moan leaves your lips before Madison quickly moves her hand and forcefully covers your lips. She helps you ride out the euphoria, your body still trembling slightly against hers.

“Did so good, baby. Took me so well.” Madison praises gently, her hands moving to softly graze along your sides. She slowly helps you down, supporting you as your feet make contact with the floor. Your chest is still heaving as you lean your weight back on the door behind you. “You’re so beautiful.” She mindlessly whispers, brown eyes trailing along your bare, sweaty body. Her words make a tired smile form on your lips as you look over at her.

“Want you to feel good, too.” You mumble, licking your lips as you look her over. The silicone of her strap was wet with your release, sending another wave of heat through you.

Madison clicks her tongue at your words. “This is about you, sweet girl. I want you to enjoy it.” She replies. Shaking your head, your hands move to her hips. Your fingers fiddle with the buckles of the strap she was wearing, asking a silent question if you could take it off. Madison bites at her bottom lip before nodding, watching you undo them. You place it on top of your discarded skirt, too focused on Madison to care about your clothes on the floor of the bathroom - and it seemed to be reciprocated.

“I’ll enjoy this.” You say, more to yourself as you kneel down in front of her. Switching positions, Madison stands by the door where you had previously been. Your hands glide along her smooth thighs, your tongue aching for her taste. She watches you with eager eyes, pink lips parting as you poke your tongue out to lick along her. Over the time, her arousal collected, drenching her. Fluttering your eyes shut, the unique flavor of her had your heart beating out of your chest. It was like nothing you’ve ever tasted before, but you craved more of it, you needed it. How long were you supposed to go before you could taste her again?

Lapping at her greedily, your tongue had a mind of its own as it flickers at her clit. Madison lets out a whimper as her hand brushes through the back of your hair, tangling into the strands. Her acrylics scratch at your head, only adding to the entire sensation.

Your hand reaches up, lathering your middle finger in her wetness before trailing down to her entrance. Teasing it, you waste no time to push it inside her. Madison gasps as her hand tugs at your hair, making you whimper. Moving your digit inside her, you let her adjust to it before adding another, stretching her out. Sucking on her clit, you lather your tongue along it as you look up at her. Her face is scrunched up, lips parted as she pants, her chest rising and falling faster as seconds go by.

Opening her eyes, Madison lets her gaze fall down to you. The sight of you on your knees before her could’ve gotten her off. The way your eyes locked with hers only heightened her state of arousal, the desire flowing through them as you licked at her fervently. Your fingers don’t stop inside her, curling as you keep teasing her clit with your warm tongue.

Madison’s breath hitches at a certain angle from your fingers, her hips instinctively thrusting forward. At the reaction, you keep up your movements, wanting more of her pleasured reactions. A whine leaves her as she tries to hold back other sounds, not wanting to get caught.

“Fuck! Mm.. g - gonna cum.” Madison fumbles out, her thighs tensing as her stomach tightens. You hum against her, replying your approval. With the added vibration, a moan rips from her throat as Madison’s thighs shake, the knot inside her breaking. The sight alone was breathtaking, the way you get to see your best friend in such a vulnerable state like this. It was addicting and you hated the way you were scared of that.

Madison catches her breath as her eyes stay shut, her body leaning back against the door, just like yours had been. Gently pulling your fingers out of her, you lick away the release that was still on them before getting up from your knees, wincing slightly from the soreness that had formed.

Here you were, in a public restroom, with your best friend, Madison.. naked. It was out of a dream.. a very hot, sweaty dream.

This couldn’t be real.

When you had stepped back into the main restaurant, you cleared your throat as you nervously fiddle with the ends of your hair. You had tried your best to maintain it when you were looking in the bathroom mirror, but it was obvious something had happened. Once you had fixed it as much as you could, you had started to make your way back.

Getting back to the table with your friends, you had quietly pulled your chair out and sat back down. The smell of the food had floated around the room, making your stomach growl, making you realize just how hungry you were. Swallowing dryly, you nervously bite at your lip before picking up your utensils.

Madison walks out of the restroom a few minutes later, following in your footsteps to the table. The previous flush in her cheeks has faded, leaving a dash of a light pink hue to her cheeks. She had maintained her hair, despite your previous grasp in it, by brushing her fingers through the soft strands.

Taking her seat beside you, she gives a polite smile to the person beside her. “Oh, food’s here!” Madison smiles, mimicking everyone’s actions as she reaches for the utensils that were hidden in the large napkin beside her plate. She acts as if she hadn’t just gotten you off twice in the bathroom just moments ago.

Looking to your left, you meet Matt’s gaze. His blue eyes widen slightly when your eyes lock, not expecting you to look over at him.

Matt had immediately noticed how long you and Madison were in the bathroom together. Despite everyone else not paying attention to the two of you, he always had his eye on you. But when you came back out, discreetly fixing the bottom of your skirt and smoothing down your hair, Matt knew. All of your friends were too busy conversing with each other to realize what you and your friend had been doing with each other. He hated the way his stomach twisted with jealousy, almost losing his appetite at the thought of you being with Madison and not him. Envy was such an ugly emotion and Matt utterly despised the way it made him feel.. but he couldn’t do anything about it. He couldn’t stop the way the emotion ate him alive as he watched you two come back and sit by each other again.

By the time the night had gotten later and everyone had finished their food, people started to disperse. The bill was paid and everyone was saying their goodbyes, some throwing on their jackets and others not having one. You still needed Madison to drive you home.

If you were honest, you couldn’t read her feelings. You knew that what you both did together was going to make things awkward, but Madison played it off like it was the most normal interaction between you two. You wished you understood her thought process; what was going through her head at any moment, but you didn’t. You didn’t know what she was thinking and it terrified you.

Matt’s been acting strange all night. He never went out of his way to talk to you, only giving you one worded replies or hums in response to your words whenever you tried to speak to him. You weren’t sure what you did, you tried to recall anything you might’ve said that could’ve upset him, but nothing came to mind. Unless he figured out what you and Madison had done.. fuck, you hope not. You were more than confused with your feelings. You knew you liked Madison, obviously.. you admitted to yourself that you’re in love with her when you were in the bathroom. But you also liked Matt.. you have since you met him, since he always treated you with kindness and how you always felt like yourself when you were around him.

What were you gonna do?

After bidding your goodbyes to your friends, your eyes linger on Matt as you start to make your way out of the restaurant. He gave you a hug, like he usually does, but it was stiff and short - as if he was only doing it because he felt like he had to. Was he mad at you?

Sighing as you shut the passenger side door, you close your eyes as you lean back against the seat. You were looking forward to lying in bed and drifting to sleep. In the back of your mind, you knew that wasn’t necessarily gonna be the case - too caught up in your thoughts - but you can hope.

Madison joins you, turning on her car as she buckles herself in. Glancing over at you, she chuckles quietly. “You tired?” She hums, putting her car in reverse before slowly backing out of the parking spot. With a nod and a hum of approval, you let your eyes open as you look over at her. Even just driving, she looked utterly stunning - her side profile sculpted by some sort of higher being. You were always shocked by how someone could look so beautiful, doing absolutely whatever. Some times it upset you, knowing that this ‘crush’ wasn’t going anywhere and that you’d be stuck mourning a relationship you’ve never had with Madison. You hated that your mind didn’t even allow you to think about confessing your true feelings for her. And, despite everything that had happened today, you still felt terrified to even bring the topic up to her. Did she even like you the way you like her? Was she just horny and needed something to get her off? No, that couldn’t be it - she claimed that it was about you, not her. But still.. what if it was a one time thing? You hope not.

Fixing your gaze out your window, the radio fills the silence in the car. By now, the sun was setting, casting a pretty glow on the scenery passing by. Your window was cracked open slightly, letting the cool breeze flow through the car and clear your mind. The fresh air felt nice, a wave of serenity washing over you.

It took even less time to get back to your house, the daytime traffic now dispersed as the night grows darker. As Madison parks along the side of the road, she looks over at you. Unbuckling your seatbelt, your eyes meet.

If you were honest, you were more than scared to ask about what happened between you two. Are you supposed to just act like nothing happened? Was it worth it only for your friendship to be altered in response? You don’t know what you’d do if you lost Madison. The thought alone made your heart beat faster. You can’t help but wonder what she’s thinking.

Shrugging off your inner turmoil, you send Madison a small smile. “Thanks, Mads.” You say, referring to the ride to and from. She hums, nodding. “Goodnight.” You open the door, but before you could get out, Madison’s hand reaches forward to grasp your chin gently between her fingers. Your eyes widen slightly as you look over at her, surprised by the sudden action.

Leaning forward, her hazel eyes travel from your lips to your eyes. Just centimeters away from your lips, Madison gives you the time to back out. When you stay put, she doesn’t wait to press her lips to yours. It was soft and sweet, as if she was trying to tell you something through it, instead of verbally doing so. You wished you could read the sign, but it just didn’t click in your head. Did she just want you for benefits?

Slowly pulling away, Madison keeps her lips close to yours. Your eyes flutter open as you look at her, eyes locking. “Night, Y/N.” She whispers, taking away her hand. The loss of contact left you with a chill, silently disappointed at her decision to end the kiss between you two.

Swallowing dryly, you nod. Sending her a small, polite smile, you jump out of her car. Shutting it, you wave as you walk to your front door. Madison stays put until you unlock your door and step inside, turning her car back on and driving away as she watches you close it.

Sighing as you remove your shoes, you decide a shower would be best to try and clear your mind. Stripping off your layers, you step under the warm water, instantly relaxing your tense body. As you wash yourself off, the ache between your legs reappears as if mocking you for what you had done. You were still sensitive from Madison’s actions, physically and mentally.

You just didn’t understand. Did she just want a quick fuck, so she took her best friend because of how close you two are? No, even you don’t believe that. Madison wasn’t the type to play with people’s feelings; let alone yours… at least, that’s what you thought. Every part of you hated how much you were dwelling on this, but how could you not? One of your best friends had made you cum twice in a public bathroom at a restaurant the rest of your friends were hanging out at. Where Matt was hanging out at..

Shutting off the water stream, you dry yourself off and change into some comfy clothes. After brushing your teeth, you let yourself relax into your bed. The mattress held you gently, allowing you to soak into the soft material. Your eyes watch the screen of your laptop as it plays a youtube video, eyelids growing heavy with sleep as minutes pass by.

Before exhaustion takes over, your eyes pop open when you feel your phone vibrate on the bed. Looking over at it, you pick it up to see what the notification was.

From: Matt 🤍

hey sorry to bother

i was wondering if u wanted to come over tm?

Your eyebrows furrow slightly at the text. He wanted to see you again tomorrow? Not that you’re upset about it, you love Matt, but usually he’ll take a few days after going to such a huge event.

Tapping your fingers along your screen, you reply with a simple, “yeah ofc!” Sending it, you await a reply, only to get a thumbs up on your message. It elicits a quiet laugh from you, used to his dry way of texting.

Leaving it at that, you shut your phone off as you try your best to let sleep overcome you. Your mind was at an all time high, shooting any and every possibility about what went down with Madison today to what was going to happen tomorrow with Matt. Finally, when your brain decided to give you a break, you slowly drift off into a dreamless sleep.

Tomorrow was just around the corner.

-

By the time it was ready to go over to Matt’s house - or, rather, the triplets’ - you could feel your nerves growing.

It wasn’t often enough that you went over to their house compared to Madison’s. Usually, if all of you were together, it was an unspoken agreement that it’d be held at Madison’s house. But it was also more frequent that you hung out with her in general.

Despite that, you always admired their house. It was spacious and you liked the layout of it all, especially the way Matt styles his room. You enjoyed the cozy feeling to it, his decorations and matching colors setting the mood to a relaxing feeling whenever you step inside. But that may also just be Matt.

Matt had told you over the phone to just come inside, having already informed Chris and Nick of your arrival. You were beyond comfortable with the three of them. It was like their presence alone calmed you down, leaving you in a state of happiness and peace. Call it cliché, but you loved the way they made you feel. But with Matt.. it was different.

Matt has always stood out to you. You weren’t too sure why; maybe it was his style, or the scattered tattoos along his left arm, or the way he presents himself.. but he was just Matt. The boy that had greedily stole your heart when you had met him. A part of you thought it was unfair the way he had so easily captivated you, selfishly stealing your attention whenever he was in the same room as you. But the other part loved it - loved the way he looked and acted around you, the way he was always himself with you. It made something inside you flutter.

Calling a quick greeting to Chris, who was sitting at the dining room table on his phone as he snacked on a piece of candy, he reciprocates it with a sweet smile. You make your way to Matt’s closed door, giving it a few knocks before turning the knob and opening it. Laying on his bed, Matt scrolls through his phone before averting his gaze up to his door. Shutting it off, he tosses it beside him as he notices you.

“Hey.” He hums, getting up from the soft mattress. You return it, gently shutting the door behind you. Matt comes up by you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. Leaning into him, yours snake around his middle, resting comfortably in his warm embrace. Whenever you two got together, this was how you greeted each other. It was sweet and innocently intimate. Besides, you loved the way you could hear his heart beat pick up just slightly whenever your ear would press against his chest.

“Why’d you want me over?” You can’t help but ask, moving to make your way on to his bed. Matt shrugs as he joins you, lying on his side as he takes you in.

“Just wanted to see you.” He replies, vague enough to keep you guessing, but also a polite enough answer to give your stomach butterflies. It was always so easy with Matt, in every sense of the word. The way he always managed to make you flustered was embarrassing, and you knew Matt took pride in it every time.

“You saw me yesterday.” You tease, chuckling. Your lips curled up, a smile present on your face. You couldn’t recall one time that you had felt sad in the presence of Matt, let alone because of him. When you were with him, it was like a new side of you shows, one where only laughs sound from your mouth and a constant look of joy is evident in your expression.

Matt rolls his eyes at your words, letting out a light scoff. “Yeah, I did.” He says. “Doesn’t mean I don’t wanna see you today.” Matt cocks his head to the side, lips curling up as he watches your bashful reaction. He’s always had trouble dealing with his emotions, let alone the ones he has for you. But sometimes, letting his lips move before he registers his words helps. Sometimes.

Unlike now, when he mindlessly blurts out his thoughts without thinking. “You and Madison took awhile in the bathroom yesterday.” Matt clenches his jaw once the words fall off his tongue, cheeks heating up slightly. He swallows heavily before averting his blue eyes to yours, gauging your reaction.

Your breathing stutters slightly, eyes snapping over to him. Your mind goes blank as you try to think of an excuse, though you were sure Matt had already figured out what happened. Was he waiting for you? Why was he conscious about how long you had been gone for?

“I.. we - ” You stammer, heart beat starting to pick up nervously. Matt notices your anxious response, giving him the answer he was suspecting. He was right.

“What’d she do to you?” Matt taunts, slowly moving from his laying position. You sit frozen on his bed, confused. Matt was never this blunt - how was he so casually asking you this stuff? Besides, why does he want to know?

“Um.. it - Matt,” you shake your head, trying to clear your racing thoughts. Matt hums, now standing at the foot of the bed. Your legs are stretched out, feet nearing the end of the mattress, by Matt’s thighs. Matt’s never been one to ask about your previous relationships, or anything romantic to be frank. It upset you in a way, always leading you to believe he wanted nothing to do with you in that way, that he couldn’t even think of you like that. But that wasn’t true. Matt never did because he couldn’t bear the thought of you being with someone else.. someone that wasn’t him.

“Can I touch you?” Matt murmurs, his fingers ghosting over your shins. The question elicited a shiver from you, a nod quickly following. He hums in approval, softly resting his large palms on your legs. Was this wrong? Your best friend had just fucked you yesterday, now you’re letting your other best friend touch you. Should you not be okay with this? How could you be, when you’ve been waiting for this for so long. How could you not be greedy?

“Please touch me.” You whisper out. Goosebumps erupt on your skin from the contact of his rough palms against your legs. Matt’s lips curl up at your plead, squeezing the skin of your thighs. The action makes you inhale, your heart seeming to beat out of your chest. Was this really happening? How can you let them just.. use you like this? Something inside you tried to brush that thought off.. you hated the way you didn’t care.

“I am, sweetheart.” Matt mocks smoothly, hands still gliding along your skin. His eyes watch your every movement, caught on the way you react to him. He would’ve never thought he’d get to see you like this; sprawled out, needing him. Fuck, he loved it - you just look so beautiful.

Leaning down, Matt starts to press soft, ghost-like kisses against the front of your leg. The feeling made you let out a shaky breath, your eyes on his white ceiling. “Look at me, pretty girl.” Pretty girl. Madison called you that last night, she claimed you were her pretty girl.

Blinking out of your daze, you lean up on your elbows, looking down at him. The way his face looked between your legs was hypnotizing, something you’d beg to see more often. His blue eyes pierce yours as he looks up at you, lust swirling through his irises. It was pathetic the way you immediately obeyed him, no matter the circumstances. But right now, as Matt kisses up your thigh, you couldn’t care about anything else, even if you tried.

Letting yourself fall back on the mattress again, Matt guides his kisses upwards. Moving from your thigh, to your covered waist, to your stomach, between your breasts and all the way up to your neck. Despite the clothing hiding your body, Matt’s lips didn’t stop. Once he reached the bare skin of your neck, he wasted no time on kissing it, leaving hot, wet reminders that he was there. His hands had traveled up to your waist, gently moving along your body.

Your arms had subconsciously made their way around his shoulders, one of your hands brushing through his soft hair. Eyes flutter closed as you relax into his bed, just the feeling of his lips against your skin making you feel hot. Your legs were spread, welcoming his body between them.

“Kiss me.” You whisper without thinking. Matt’s kisses stop, a smirk replacing his features. He leans his head up, licking his lips as he looks down at you. Reaching one of his hands up, he caresses his fingers along your cheek. Gliding his hand over, his thumb moves along your bottom lip, bringing it down.

Moving closer, his lips teasingly hover over yours. You try to lift your head up to meet him, but a low chuckle leaves Matt’s lips as he backs away. A whine escapes you before you could stop it. “Aw, poor girl.” Matt coos mockingly, looking down at you. His condescending tone heats up your body, embarrassment flowing through you. “Just want a kiss, hm?” He hums, smiling as he watched you nod. Matt rests his forehead against yours, his breath hitting against yours lips.

Matt swallows your gasp as he presses his lips to yours. His lips were soft, as if he had put chapstick on before you came over. Breathing through your nose, your mind gets used to the way he feels against you. His lips weren’t as full as Madison’s, but they felt just as nice. A part of you grew scared as you realized how attached you were already becoming to his taste.

Matt’s hands glide up your hips, just barely trailing under your shirt. “Can I take this off?” He asks breathlessly, a soft sound eliciting from your lips as he pulls away slightly. Your mind had immediately drifted back to Madison’s words the night before, how she had asked the same exact thing when she was tugging at your shirt. Fuck, stop thinking about it.

Nodding fervently, you swallow harshly as you look up at him. Cold palms slide up your body, bringing the fabric with. Lifting your arms to help him, Matt guides your shirt off of you and tosses it, not caring for where it goes. He lets out an exhale at the sight of your bare chest, his tongue darting out to lick his lips. His sizable palms travel along your body, starting from your jawline, to the skin that connects your neck to your shoulders. His left hand stops as his eyes notice a mark.

Trailing his index finger over the bruise, the subtle indent of teeth previously being there immediately catching his attention. Licking over his teeth, Matt feels the familiar pit of envy wash over him. He wanted to be the one to mark you, to let everyone know that you’re his.. even though you weren’t.

Moving down, Matt leans back to your skin, laying kisses on the opposite side of the hickey Madison had left yesterday. Unable to stop himself, he bares his teeth as he bites down, smiling as you let out a whimper. Your hand rests on the back of his head, encouraging his possessive acts on your skin. The way his tongue felt against your skin sent heat straight to your core, wondering what it felt like against where you really need it.

Kissing along your skin, his lips reach your breasts as they tease the sensitive area. Flicking his tongue out, Matt licks a strip along your nipple, making your hand tighten in his hair as you gasp. Subconsciously, your back arches into his touch, a chuckle leaving Matt’s occupied mouth. With your reaction in mind, his pink lips wrap around your nipple, lathering the skin with his warm tongue. His hand reaches up to grope at your other boob, adding to the pressure you were already feeling. Sucking on the tissue, Matt lightly grazes his teeth against it as you whine out at the action.

Pulling off with a pop, Matt pecks your nipple. “Such a noisy girl.” He hums, switching positions and moving his opposite hand to your now wet breast and his mouth to the other one. Repeating his actions, he makes sure they get equal attention. Pulling slightly on it, the foreign feeling elicits a whine of Matt’s name from you. Sucking on it one more time, he presses a soft kiss to it, contradictory to his actions just seconds ago.

Trailing down your body, marks are scattered as Matt finally stops at your waistband. Hands smoothly slide along you, landing on the fabric as he slowly pulls it down, leaving you in just your panties. His teeth graze the edge of the lacy fabric, resulting in your breath hitching as you watch his every movement. The sight was erotic, the way the man looked between your thighs, ready to devour you. Spreading your thighs a little more, Matt fits perfectly between them. Your hands move down, sliding along his shoulders, wanting - needing - him to strip off his shirt. You were almost bare in front of him and Matt still had all of his clothes on - you needed some sort of distraction.

He chuckles, but doesn’t protest. It seems like he was too caught up in wanting to see you entirely naked to deny your silent request. Reaching his arms back, he tosses off his shirt, immediately positioning himself back where he belongs: between your legs. He looks up at you, locking eyes, as he bites down on the waist of your panties, slowly bringing them down your legs. The view made you even wetter than you already were, your heart pounding against your chest. Biting at your bottom lip, you watch with eager eyes as he throws the dainty fabric away. Wrapping his arms around your thighs, he leans down as he presses soft, teasing kisses along your inner thighs.

“Matt, please.” You whimper, impatience growing as torturous seconds pass by. Nipping at your skin, Matt’s eyes darken as he looks up at you. Chipped nails dig into the plush skin of your thighs, as if punishment for your words.

“Be patient.” Matt snaps, immediately shutting you up. The way he takes control of the situation made your body feel hot, needy for more of it. You’d never admit it, but you always thought that Matt was one to let someone else call the shots, or at least, not one to be so.. blunt about his orders. Maybe this was the only time he got to be in full control of something; it was always an argument when it came to Nick and Chris trying to figure out who was the ‘leader’, so maybe he liked having the authority. Either way, it turned you on immensely.

Letting out a quiet whine, you don’t say anything else as you let Matt take his time. As if savoring having you like this, he maps out your skin as he kisses it, saving it to memory. Inhaling your scent, he suddenly leans forward and presses a kiss to your clit. The action made your thighs tense as a surprised gasp leaves your lips. Matt hums before greedily diving back in, licking a wide strip along your pussy. Lapping up your wetness, Matt basks in the flavor as he tastes you.

His tongue doesn’t take a break as it eagerly flickers at your clit, before enveloping it in his mouth. Your hand flies to his hair as you pull, your eyes shutting tightly as your lips part, letting out heavy pants. How he knew how to use his mouth so well was beyond you. It was as if he knew everything you liked, hitting every spot that drove you fucking crazy. You loved the way he made you feel, hungrily licking at you. But you hated it all the same, hated the way you knew you were going to crave it more than you should.

Traveling down, Matt’s tongue prods at your entrance as he looks up at you. His blue eyes are darkened, the once lively irises now dim with lust. The eye contact he keeps with you only adds to your overwhelming arousal, needing him to do something about it. As if reading your mind, Matt pushes forward, his tongue invading your hole as your hand harshly tugs at his hair, a few involuntary sounds escaping your throat.

Jostling the warm muscle around, Matt savors your taste. It wasn’t like anything he’s tasted before, but he needed more of it. He couldn’t get enough of the way you melt on his tongue, all for his taking.

Pulling away slightly, he ignores your whimper as he sloppily kisses along your drenched clit. “You let her do this, too?” Matt mocks, mouth always attached to you, despite his lips moving. His words shock you, your body freezing at his condescending tone. He chuckles breathlessly at your reaction, licking another fat stripe along your center. “Answer me.” He spits, slapping his hand against your thigh.

“Yes! Y - Yes, I did.” You stammer a reply, squeezing your eyes shut as your body warms with humiliation. He was doing this on purpose, you knew that. And despite the embarrassment, you were feeling, the same sensation of arousal coats your pussy as Matt purposely teases you.

“Mhm.. ‘course you did.” Matt taunts, looking up at you as he reconnects his lips with your clit. Pulling on it, you cry out as your hand desperately tugs at his soft strands. He groans against you, the harsh pressure making the ache in his pants amplify. “Havin’ your two friends use you like some fuckin’ slut.” Matt degrades, leaning forward to spit on your pussy, adding more lubricant - as if it needed it. His words make you whine, a sense of shame engulfing you. His constant assault on your pussy distracts you from the feeling, the way his tongue moves against you bringing you closer and closer to the edge.

“You gonna cum f’me, sweetheart?” Matt hums, letting your thighs squish his head between them. If anything, he seemed to enjoy it. You nod quickly, moans leaving your lips as incoherent sounds try to answer him - though, there’s no use. “Mm.. beg for it.” He demands, harshly sucking on your clit as he suddenly thrusts a finger inside you. The intrusion makes you gasp as your thighs tremble, your free hand desperately grasping at the sheets underneath you.

“Please, Matt! Need it, need to c.. cum for you!” You plead pathetically, back arching off of the bed as he adds another digit inside you. Thrusting them at a fast pace, he curls them, somehow hitting that perfect spot inside you to elicit a sharp cry from you.

Matt pops off of your clit, just to give you the go ahead. “Cum, Y/N. Make a mess.” He provokes, enveloping your clit again as he quickly picks up the pace of both his tongue and fingers. At the added stimulation, your thighs shake as a loud moan escapes you, whining out his name. Matt helps ride out your euphoria, eagerly lapping at your release. Slowly pulling his fingers from you, Matt presses one more kiss to your sensitive clit before sitting up.

He towers over your limp frame, bringing his fingers up to lick off the residue of you off of him. He hums at the flavor he’s grown accustomed to. Hooking his hands in his sweatpants, he lets them drop as he kicks them away. Joining you back on the bed, blue eyes watch the way your bare chest heaves as your eyes fluttered back open from the movement on the mattress. “You still with me, baby?” Matt asks lowly, gently gliding his fingers along your legs, up to your waist.

Nodding, you try to regain your breath. “Mhm,” you hum, licking your dry lips as you look up at him. Your eyes can’t help but wander down his body, landing on the bulge in his tight red boxers. Biting your lip, your hand has a mind of its own as it drifts down, cupping the area. Matt grunts, lips parting as you rub your palm along him. You could feel the way he throbs with need, a small wet patch on the fabric from pre-cum that has seeped out.

“Shit, Y/N,” Matt hisses, moving to grip your wrist. “Need to fuck you, now.” He mumbles, leaning down as he roughly connects his lips to yours. Tongues mesh in a messy kiss as Matt tosses away his constricting boxers, wincing slightly at the way the cool air hits his hot, needy tip. His hand moves down as he grips himself, teasingly rubbing his tip along your wetness. The feeling makes you pull away from his lips, gasping at the sensation against your sensitive skin. Matt lets out a breathy groan as he swirls his head against your clit before finally moving down to your entrance.

Pushing forward, Matt slowly thrusts inside you. Wincing at the feeling, you hadn’t comprehended his size. “Aw, ‘s’it too big?” He mocks, pouting. His words make you whimper, your nails digging into his bare back. “You’re fine, baby. Taking all of me so fuckin’ good.” Matt breathes out, chest rising and falling progressively faster. As he pushes in deeper, he finally seats himself inside you, letting out a heavy breath. You whine, clawing at his back as you adjust to his size.

After a few moments, you nod, letting Matt move his hips. He does immediately, pulling back as he licks his lips, eager to fuck you into the mattress. He’s been waiting for this for as long as he can remember, and now he finally has you like this: needy and ready for him, ready to take all of him. It was truly a sight to behold.

As he picks up a rhythm, Matt’s hips start to gain speed as he ruts into you. His hands pick up your thighs as he wraps them around his waist, only seeming to bring you closer to him. The angle hits you the perfect way, making your body move with every push of Matt’s hips against yours. Your breasts bounce as you jolt against the bed, pleasured sounds filling the room as you moan. The harsh noise of his skin slapping against yours echoes through Matt’s bedroom, giving anyone that passes by an obvious sign of what was going on inside.

“You let Madison fuck you, huh?” Matt pants, his pace becoming rougher as times goes by. He lets the jealousy take over as he fucks you, harsh slaps of his hips against your skin marking you. He couldn’t help the way his envy took over his actions, wishing he was the only one that got to fuck you; that he was the only one that got to see you like this. Heavy exhales leave him as his forearms rest beside your head, every sound he makes embedding into your ears. “Answer me or you don’t fucking cum.” Matt threats lowly.

At his peril words, you quickly nod in response to his question. “Y.. Yes, Matt.” You whimper, words almost incomprehensible as you pant. Your nails scratch along his back, eliciting a hiss from the man above you. Matt groans as he rams into you, your approval to his previous question only making him go faster.

“Yeah?” He pants breathlessly, pushing his hips against you faster. “She fuck you better than me?” Matt asks lowly, looking down at you with hooded eyes. His chest heaves as his actions don’t relent, the headboard of his bed starting to slam back against his white walls. Your words become unintelligible, unable to respond to his question. Besides, if you were honest, you wouldn’t be able to choose.

Matt scoffs, his hand resting on the top of your head as he moves. “Fucked you dumb, huh? Such a cockslut.” He spits, his harsh words only bringing you closer to another orgasm. Matt, himself, could feel his stomach start to tighten, his impending release starting to graze against him. “Shit! Can feel you squeezin’ me so fuckin’ tight, baby.” He moans, digging his head into your neck. Biting down on the blank canvas, he unintentionally marks you as his pleasure starts to reach its peak. The hand that was on your head rushes down, quickly circling your clit, trying to bring you closer to your orgasm before he hits his.

“Need you to cum, Y/N. Now, c’mon.” Matt grunts, his words hurried as his thrusts start to grow sloppy. The added pressure against you makes you cry out, your back arching against his chest as you feel the knot inside your stomach break, releasing over his cock. Matt’s hips don’t stop, riding out your pleasure, but also reaching his. He groans loudly by your ear before he shudders, his cum shooting out as he presses himself closer to you - if that was even possible. The warmth of both of your bodies mingle, your chests heaving as you go limp against his soft mattress.

Matt leisurely pulls out of you, cooing as you wince slightly from the feeling, your pussy oversensitive. Blue eyes watch the way his cum leaks out of you, groaning slightly from the sight. His mind subconsciously memorizes the image, knowing he was going to get off to it another time.

Falling down beside you, the two of you lay there, still trying to catch your breath. Looking up at the ceiling, your mind goes into a frenzy. How did this even happen? Was Matt jealous? How did you get fucked by your two best friends?

What is happening?

-

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to have them both over.

Your mind has been eating you alive these past couple days, more confused than ever. You spent that time trying to comprehend everything that had happened between you and Madison, as well as Matt. There was no way they had planned it, right? No, Matt seemed upset about what you and Madison had done together.

To say it was awkward was an understatement.

You, Madison and Matt sat on your couch, silence engulfing you as minutes passed. How were you supposed to bring this up? Oh, Madison, by the way, Matt fucked me the day after you did. How do we go about this? Yeah, okay.

“Uh,” you clear your throat, fixing your position on the soft cushions. Your friends snap their attention over to you from the sudden sound. They were just as nervous. Matt had obviously knew about what happened between you and Madison, but Madison has yet to know what went down between you and Matt. Though, she was suspicious as to why he was invited over. When she got your text asking her to stop by, Madison had immediately assumed it was about what had happened the other night. But when she pulled into your driveway and saw Matt’s car, her curiosity was piqued.

“I wanted to, um.. talk to you both.” You mumble, nervously fiddling with your fingers. Madison nods as she watches you intently. “Mads, the other day, after we..” you trail off, glancing from Matt back to the girl. Madison pouts her lips as she stays silent, nodding at your words. “Uh, Matt and I - ”

“You fucked her?” Madison exclaims, looking over at Matt. The man’s eyes widen at her, leaning back.

“Wha - you did first!” Matt rebuttals. Madison huffs, knowing it was true.

Watching the interaction, you let out a sigh. You hated how blank your mind was right now. All of the hundreds of questions you’ve had these past few days have suddenly disappeared, unable to part your lips and just ask.

“We’re gonna go talk really quick, okay?” Madison’s voice breaks you out of your daze. Looking over at her, you nod. She reciprocates it, pressing a sweet kiss to your head before walking over to the hallway as Matt follows behind her.

As they converse, you let out a breath as you lean back against your couch. Shutting your eyes, you try to calm your racing heart as you wait for them to come back. What if they leave you? This situation was so odd, what if they get too freaked out and decide to not talk to you anymore? Wiping your hand over your face, you try to stop your constant negative thoughts. It was just so hard to not be worried.

Once you hear footsteps start to make their way back into the living room, you instantly sit up and look over in that direction. Madison walks out first as Matt trails behind. Standing in front of you, Madison bites her bottom lip before glancing at Matt. “Say it.” She whispers.

Matt jumps slightly, sighing quietly. “Um.. we..” he trails off, the words he’s trying to find all a sudden nonexistent.

Madison cocks her head as she looks over at you. Licking her lips, she lets out a breath.

“We decided to share you.”

[eowynstwin]

This truly is the last thing I want to say on this blog and then I'm done psych I lived bitch, but given how the fucking catastrophe started it's only appropriate this is how I end it—

You have racist bias whether you like it or not. Particularly if you are US American, racism was baked into your worldview no matter what kind of household, liberal or conservative, you grew up in. Racism is quite often far more covert than it is overt. It is not just a voluntary behavior; it is more often the subconscious ways you organize and hierarchize other cultures and people.

In the case of Gaz—sure, you might actively believe that he deserves to be more included. You think he's a good character and people really should think about him more! But you personally headcanon him a certain way, and really it's not a headcanon you're actually all that into, so that's why you don't talk about him as much. It's not because he's black, it's because he doesn't fit the thing you like talking about the most. The fact that he's black is really just a coincidence, you're not excluding him because of that. In fact, you're sure other people like him for exactly the reason you're not all that into him, and you'll just leave it to them to pick up the slack. Or you'll get to him later! In fact, you have some ideas for him. You just haven't gotten around to them yet.

Take that and multiply it by thousands of white women in fandom—not just this fandom, not just Gaz's character, but every fandom and every character of color. It doesn't matter that there's no active malice behind not personally liking black characters and other characters of color. Non-white characters still take a backseat to their white counterparts, because white women in fandom cannot wrap their heads around black, brown, indigenous, and Asian characters as complex, complicated characters worthy of their interest or frankly, their desire.

They cannot wrap their heads around this because they were conditioned not to by decades of racist culture.

Case in point; plenty of white women in this fandom have fallen head over heels for Makarov and Graves. The sins of these out-and-out villains are totally forgiven by virtue of their sex appeal, and because they are portrayed by attractive, charismatic men who put a lot of passion behind their performances.

But can we say the same for Hadir? Can we say the same for Hassan?

The sins of these two Middle Eastern characters do not outweigh those of their villainous white counterparts, yet how many angsty fix-it fics have been written exploring Hadir's complicated relationship with violence and imperialism? How many enemies-to-lovers or even lovers-to-enemies fics have been written about Hassan, the face of whose homeland has been irrevocably marred by US interference?

No one who points out the racism of this trend is accusing these white women of active, militant white supremacy. I'm not saying any of you even have to like Gaz, Hadir, or Hassan. But your preferences have been tuned for you by a culture shaped by slavery, imperialism, and white supremacy. That is not something you can escape merely because you support the BLM movement or reblog vetted Palestinian gofundmes.

The only way you can truly fight your own racism is to be actively anti-racist. It is about far more than who you give money to or what graphics you pin on your instagram. It is an everyday practice of learning how racism has shaped your worldview for you.

This is not work that is done in a week, a month, or a year. Becoming anti-racist takes as much time as it took to make you racist in the first place. For some of you, the work may turn out to be easy. For others, it may be hard. You must do it either way.

Some good places to start:

Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe

Ain't I a Woman? by bell hooks

We Real Cool: Black Men and Masculinity by bell hooks

A Burst of Light by Audre Lorde

The Body Is Not An Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor

Fearing the Black Body by Sabrina Strings

Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi

Being Palestinian edited by Yasir Suleiman