#whereas she thinks she’s normal and she thinks she knows everything about everything

[galactic-magick]

I Love You, I'm Sorry: Viktor x Reader

Based off of this reply on my last Viktor fic:

@lillycore : Duddee, imagine after the final scene between Viktor and Jayce they just disappear (I refuse to believe they both died, I’m just going believe, until it’s confirmed, that they simply teleported somewhere else), leaving reader alone without a chance to confront Viktor and believing they both died. So now, reader is left to pick up the pieces of her closest friend and love of her life gone, while believing Viktor no longer loves her (he does though, he was just a little confused with everything, but he still loves her)

Words: 1.2k

Author's Notes: Thank you all so much for the notes and kind words on my last Viktor fic, it truly means the world to me as a writer to see so many people touched by my writing. I hope you enjoy this equally devastating part 2.

They’re gone. They’re really gone.

No family, no friends, not a single loved one of yours survived this damn war. All this world has done is take, take, take.

You’re haunted by the last time you saw your beloved Viktor—completely unrecognizable. He had turned himself into a monster, disappearing with Jayce trying to save him. You didn’t even get to say goodbye, you didn’t even get to tell him you still love him.

Or ask if he still loved you.

You don’t know what would hurt less, believing he stopped loving you, or believing he did everything he did while loving you.

-

“Why can’t she hear me?” Viktor shouts into the void. He’s been calling your name for what feels like an eternity, his voice no longer carrying to your world.

Jayce puts a comforting hand on his shoulder, “You don’t have vessels to speak through anymore. She probably thinks we’re dead. Well, maybe we are…”

“No, no, this can’t be the end,” Viktor shakes his head vigorously. “I have to get back to her. She...she needs to know I love her. She needs to know I’m sorry.”

He falls to his knees amongst the stars, cursing himself for everything. How could he choose the hexcore over you? Why didn’t he seek you out when he survived the explosion? How did he let himself descend so far into madness that he forgot about your importance to him?

He’s now desperate for you to hear him, pleading the forces that bind his consciousness to this astral plane for another chance. He searches this dimension he’s come to know so well, looking for a loophole or tear in the fabric, but it’s no use. Everything has been closed—his supposed eternal consequence for his abuse of power.

Jayce saved him from himself, a feat he will forever be indebted to him for, but what is the point of redemption if he cannot live it out in his own flesh?

Would there have been a body left for him anyway? Would you still have loved him as the monstrosity he became?

Why must he still be cursed with the full vision of the universe? He sees you continue your life so clearly, but he can’t touch you, can’t speak to you. Your form shines the brightest light he’s ever seem in this dimension, an achievement that is not easily matched. He wonders if you can feel him reaching out to you, some sort of spiritual pull back to him. He will do anything to find a way to talk to you again.

-

You’ve been having dreams—dreams you can’t explain. Ever since Viktor’s disappearance, he’s tormented you day and night, constantly occupying your thoughts without mercy. You can hear his voice, but it sounds so far away you can never make out the words. You just wish it would all stop. You wish you could just erase him and all of the pain from your memory.

Sometimes you still feel a presence, the feeling you used to feel when he was in the same vicinity with you, admiring you from across a room. It’s a familiar warmth that used to wash you with peace, whereas now it makes your heart ache. You suppose it’s a normal symptom of grief, subconsciously denying that he’s really gone.

You start to go through his things he left at your house, beginning with his various textbooks and notebooks he would bring over for studying. Seeing his scribbles and handwriting again brings tears to your eyes, a single drop falling onto the paper as you read.

You blink a few times, seeing a couple of letters on the page start to glow. You must be seeing things, hallucinating from sleep deprivation. You close the journal and open it again, but the glowing letters are still there.

You grab a separate piece of paper and write down each glowing letter, finding fifteen total.

“I - L-O-V-E - Y-O-U - I-M - S-O-R-R-Y”

This isn’t happening. It can’t be.

-

“It’s working! She got my message!” Viktor exclaims.

“How...how are you doing that?” Jayce asks.

“Tiny rips in space—not big enough for either of us to escape through—but certainly big enough to briefly touch that reality,” Viktor pauses, still waiting for a response from you, but it doesn’t come.

-

You close the journal and sob, praying for an end to this misery. Your mind is playing tricks on you, deceiving you to a level you never thought possible. Must you be haunted by this forever? Must you endure the aftermath of this trauma?

You open it once again, the letters still glowing, but they start to fade right in front of your eyes. A new set of letters begin to glow, so you write those down as well.

“I-T-S - M-E - D-A-R-L-I-N-G”

And then another set of letters.

“P-L-E-A-S-E - T-A-L-K - T-O - M-E”

Maybe you’re not imagining.

You’ve heard of magicians who can converse with the dead, and the possibility of other dimensional planes and universes. Viktor himself had some theories about it, although he never pursued proving them. Could it really be possible that your beloved was speaking to you?

“Viktor?” you say out loud. “Are you...are you alive?”

“I - D-O-N-T - K-N-O-W”

The pencil drops from your hand again as your head falls to the table. His consciousness is somehow alive, clearly, but there’s no way he can explain to you where he is and how to get him out one letter at a time. You’re nowhere near his level of intellect—even if he explained how to rescue him like you’re five years old—you fear you still would mess something up.

“Viktor...I can’t do this. You can’t do this to me,” you sigh, daring to look at the words again. “You abandoned me, and now my life is a living hell because of the destruction you helped cause. I want nothing to do with your war and stupid glorious evolution. So if you’re not here to take me away from this life, please go away.”

The same original words start glowing again, brighter each time they sequence:

I love you, I’m sorry.

I love you, I’m sorry.

I love you, I’m sorry.

“Love doesn’t do what you did. Love doesn’t abandon its humanity for power.”

Please forgive me.

“I do forgive you for everything, Viktor. That’s exactly why I need to forget about you, because I will never stop loving you and hurting for it if I don’t.”

With blurry eyes, you close the journal and throw it into the fireplace, regretting it almost immediately. You grab a stick and pull it out, your tears falling onto the soot-stained cover.

“Please, just...find a way back to me.”

I will.

[baycitystygian]

the weird thing about living with a sibling you didn’t grow up with as adults is that you will literally act like siblings regardless and because you were raised completely different you will each think the other is the weirdest fucker on the planet. not sure how common this experience is but I could write a novel about all the weird ass shit my sister does. like refrigerating cosmic brownies and refusing to use tissues and instead blowing (literally) through toilet paper at a frantic pace. she literally keeps a roll on her desk and bedside table. tell me that isn’t serial killer level shit right there. I keep a box of tissues in the bathroom at all times and I constantly remind her that she’s free to use them but she seems to be under the impression that her nose produces so much snot that she’ll go through them way too fast. girl you have a deviated septum you don’t have an open geyser on your face!!!! it’s not the boogers making you unable to breathe it is your own damn nose!!!!!

[14dayswithyou]

Hi, Howdy! Hey! I really love your novel!! I got a little confused by the 4 day, may maybe you help me please? who is it? why we got the bad end staying the night in Ren’s apartment and he disappear of the home screen? I can’t understand “unset memory” game, sorry if I wrote smth wrong or smth sounds rude, I swear that I didn’t mean it if happened, I’m really a fan of the novel, I’ve been playing the game since day 1 or 2 I guess, probably day 1, english isn’t my first language, but I tried lol

⌞♥⌝ I hope you don't mind me answering these as bullet points!! ^^

"It" will be revealed later in the game! So I won't reveal too much right now.

You can only get the Dead End in Day 4 by staying at Ren's apartment — the rest of your choices before that don't matter. I'd also pay closer attention to the black smoke and Ren's reaction towards it!

Ren disappears from the home screen because he promised to help the player out (and stop them from getting the Dead End again). Try replaying the game again from the beginning for a surprise!

"Unsent Memories" was another visual novel (initially being written by @10chimes / @unsentmemory, though the project has since been dropped and handed back to me /pos) and is set in the same universe as 14 Days With You. Its storyline and characters are completely separate from 14DWY, so you don't have to worry about them while playing 14DWY.

[tswwwit]

i have a counter argument to the 'only one person can boop bill' thing, mabel. she's the type of person to slap stickers on people, she would definitely be the type to also boop others occasionally and bill would be no exception. she probably doesn't do it to annoy bill like dipper would, but maybe as a form of a friendly gesture, kind of like those people who will lightly punch friends in the arm when they hang out.

You know what? Good point. Mabel would get away with more than most, as a fun-loving lady! Bill understands those impulses, and being a touchy person! He indulges in similar ones himself.

Though when Bill's not in the mood to be playful and gets booped anyway? The 'sister-in-law' status grants her considerable grace.

[quietwingsinthesky]

combining little amelia pond in the tardis with the tardis family au and trying to figure out which members would be pro and against child endangerment.

[nativegirltapes]

angel and drew while on a ......."break"......

notes: ask and you shall receive! angel lowkey look like a bitch in this + this is kind of long for hcs, but i think u guys like the drama so i really wanted to try and cover most bases. if you want me to clarify or maybe even make a part 2 lmk ! <3

honestly, they’re on “breaks” quite frequently due to angel’s impulsive nature. in the spur of the moment when she’s upset she’ll tell drew “don’t contact me! don’t talk to me! i need time!” and storm off in the car he’s literally paying for. sometimes he’ll try to follow after her, but sometimes if it’s something stupid she’s upset about, he usually just gives her time because he knows she’ll come around.

but when it’s an actual break from one another (because of all the odessa drama), they’re both going through it. angel is sad but is also taking more time to focus on school because she thinks it’s all she really has aside from drew. she isolates herself from almost everyone, besides frat guys she invites over to hopefully fill some void? which void? she’s not sure. she never actually does anything with them, kind of just trying to prove to herself that she can have anyone she wants and she doesn’t need drew. but how is that benefitting literally anyone? again, she’s not sure.

drew doesn’t really isolate when you’re on a break because he does enough of that on normal days. drew tries to spend more time with his friends, specifically his guy friends. he’ll invite them over or go over to their houses. his friends will ask how you guys are doing and drew never ever wants to paint you as a bad person, even when you are on a break for a “pointless” reason, he’ll just lie and say “she’s going through some stuff right now so we’re just kinda taking a break right now, you know?” he’s the sweetest to you, even when you’re not exactly together :((

they both have nights where they really miss each other so they’ll just call each other and ask if they want to see each other, they never say no. it’s kind of an unspoken rule for the both of them; if one calls saying they want to see the other, you can’t say no (but it’s not like they want to say no anyways). it’s so silly because whenever they do this it’s kind of awkward. they’re making small talk because they’re both too stubborn to make it seem like they “care” again. but eventually they both give in and it usually ends in a heavy makeout sesh. “this doesn’t mean we’re back together you know?”

angel is so petty so sometimes she’ll post pictures of her out and about (partying) on her instagram stories and purposefully have guys in her pics because she knows drew will see it. when she realizes that drew seen it but didn’t say anything she’s throwing a fit. but in all honesty, drew doesn’t even care that much. he knows angel’s tactics and knows that she wouldn’t dare do anything.

there’s a lot of late night phone calls where they usually get pretty deep, asking each other if they should just break up for good/a longer period of time. angel is always like “i want this to work drew.” and drew is like “i’m giving you the space you want. what more do you need?” he’s too sweet. angel is so messy though because she knows she has no intentions to break up with drew ever, she just loves causing a scene.

i feel like the worse drew would do when they’re on a break is hang out with one of his girl friends one on one. and while no, there’s no romantic intentions, he still would never tell angel that. he’s just able to decipher platonic and romantic whereas angel’s insane ass is not ………. kind of.

angel is shitposting on every platform she has, especially her finsta and tiktok. sometimes when she’s feeling extra fiesty she’ll even remove drew as a follower just so she can make him “overthink”, but because he’s an old man, he literally do not gaf! half the time it’s just her ranting or talking about her day since she’s used to sharing everything about her day with drew :(

[galactic-rhea]

It's ranting hours sunday for me: Y' know, I think when people complain soooo much about Padmé getting with Anakin, they're failing to see a lot of things. BUT ESPECIALLY...That it was her choice, and if speaks a lot of her character and personality.

She was already done dirty by the movies by getting so many deleted scenes, but then if you try to take away the agency she had on marrying a human disaster or her choices, like her forgiveness/understanding, it's actually undermining and flattening her character.

The fact is that she's actually very similar to Anakin, she's stubborn, deeply traumatized, compromises a lot for the sake of others and loves beyond reasoning. We, the audience, know that Anakin will become Darth Vader and one of the most iconic villains of history; so everything he does can be seem as a red flag that really isn't there.

From Padmé's POV, Anakin has done terrible things, but it's capable of incredible acts of love and compassion. They're in circumstances that aren't normal at all, she was queen at 14, and he was born a slave and joined the space wizard monks and his normal is kill or be killed. Our modern and omniscient POV can't be applied onto them because there's no point of comparison in this sci-fi-shakespearen tragedy-soap-opera-fantasy.

Besides...she was actually right in the end, and I don't believe is "feminist" or progressive to take away a big part of her core personality, that actually had repercussions in the whole story, and make her out to be either unaware and naive of marrying a monster, or (the worst one, imo) being jedi-mind-tricked-brainwashed-abused by her husband.

The "right, correct, girlboss and queen" actitude does more damage than help, leave Padmé to be a person. A person who wanted to have a fairytale romance with some guy who would fight for her and makes her laugh.

Also, the hell why you wanna blame her for something Anakin does, come on. That's a whole other can of worms, though. My point is, that trying to avoid or re-work-or re-contextualize the fact that she chose Anakin despite him literally telling her about murdering a whole village, is actually changing a big chunk of her personality traits.

She was a child queen, then a politician at the edge of an inminent war, manipulated by the same guy that groomed Anakin into a massive murderer, saw her people being taken into camps, had assasination attempts weekly and had to rip off of her individualism by becoming a public figure, giving up her sense of being a person by having several almost identical decoys, she had to stop being just Padmé to be Queen and then Senator Amidala and she did all of that showing little to no emotion.

Then Anakin does all what she herself had to rip off of her in order to be a politician: Honest, passionate, and able to show emotions; like love or anger.

She has morals and she represents democracy and justice, in a way. But I fully believe that inside her she had the same passionate anger and love capable of burning the galaxy that we know Anakin had, which makes them different sides of the same coin, and I think she realized that. Anakin perhaps didn't , as he never stopped of seeing himself as a slave and therefore inferior, whereas he held Padmé very highly, but I think Padmé saw them both as equals. She didn't have a "I can fix him" mentality, she had a "We're the same, we're both lonely, confused, hurting and scared of losing everything. And if he's like me, then I know he can do the right thing for love."

In other words: She was as insane as her husband, she only seems normal because she wasn't put into the monk warrior order and groomed by the devil for over a decade. (And I don't mean insane as, 'she's crazy for loving a murderer' harley quinn style, I just meant it on a daring, hopeless romantic and tenacious way)

[oshinohoshi]

Oshi no Ko chapter 166 thoughts - the end of all things

So uh... the only positive thing I can say here besides the beautiful Ai art is that I felt sad reading the page where Miyako was hugging Ruby. Everything else left me completely empty

This chapter is either:

A) A self-aware ending meant to show that life is suffering and the idol industry will suck out your soul if you let it

B) Outsourced to someone who skimmed OnK for 30 seconds on Wikipedia before putting pen to paper

It has to be A, right? You can't tell me that the same author wrote both of these pages without the right being ironic

But I don't think so because big brained Akane is the one clumsily narrating this crappy montage masquerading as a real ending

Aqua died for nothing. His sister is now a soulless cog in the idol machine

Ruby is mimicking Ai's speech - "Lies are an outstanding kind of love... We pile on the lies and no matter how hard things get, we sing and act happy onstage. It's a fun job!" But she forgot the rest of it: "Only, I'd like the 'being happy' part to be real. Nobody notices, but we have hearts and lives of our own. Happiness as a mother. Happiness as an idol. Normally you'd have to pick one, but I want both. Ai Hoshino is a greedy girl"

Ai wasn't only a misunderstood girl who worked hard to please her fans. That was a big part of her story but she also broke the rules to create her own family, her own happiness

Ruby, on the other hand, seems to have no real desires anymore, she's just following a path she believes her mother and Aqua paved for her. Never mind that Aqua only wanted it in the end because she wanted it and Ai just wanted her kids to be happy

You can tell that Akasaka is patting himself on the back for making a cyclical narrative where Ruby becomes Ai 2.0 by being commodified, scrutinized, and idolized like Ai was

But it's such a flimsy parallel when it comes to the theme of lies because lying to hide your grief =/= "lies are love" which was the only way Ai knew how to frame her genuine desire to love

And Ai's "I love you" to her kids was true whereas Ruby has swallowed her own lie that being an idol is fun even when you're just doing it to outrun your pain

What this chapter showed us is that the meaning of Ruby's life is to be Ruby of B Komachi and she was put on Earth to sing pop songs. Because that's what Ai did, right? If I remember correctly, her final words were "I'm so glad I got to be an idol #blessed"

My God was the Dome concert soulless. Miyako and Ichigo crying happy tears is a punch to the gut. Doesn't Miyako know her daughter is still hurting?

The last scene is so fucking depressing

Ruby, are you okay? Blink twice if you still remember your life outside the idol industry!

The last two pages work really well as horror. She has a brilliant smile but you can tell that she's dead inside. She's got more merch on her table than photos. Why doesn't she have a corkboard of family photos? Although I more or less have this Ai plushie and it's pretty cute so I'll give this a pass because it's hilarious

I guess the takeaway here is to live for others and life is painful so just grin and bear it. Oh yeah, and inspire other young women to join an industry where they get to act happy and lose their humanity. Cool

I mean I get that it's supposed to be about moving on with your life even while grieving and that's a good message, sure, but Aka's insistence on using the word "lies" multiple times as if saying it makes it make sense ruins the whole thing

The most insane part is that this chapter is a wholehearted endorsement of the lies sold by the entertainment/idol industry

I haven't even said anything about anyone besides Ruby because what's the point? Aka didn't have time to do justice to any of the characters I grew to love

It's clear something went wrong with the timeline of wrapping up OnK. No artist wants to execute a final chapter like this. I'm convinced the film reel edges are Aka and Mengo's way of telling the reader, "we know this is a shitty clips show so don't @ us on Twitter about it"

But it's so much worse than that. Aka really decided to tear to shreds everything he worked so hard on for 4 years. Damn

This is my favorite manga and I'll always love that it gave me Ai, my most beloved character of all time, but this leaves an extremely bitter aftertaste. It's really hard to believe that the same person who wrote vol 1 wrote this.

OnK has been pretty important to me. Reading weekly, chatting with fans, and reaching dangerous levels of Ai brain rot has actually been a helpful distraction. TBH I've been a little too invested in it but sometimes you need escapism. So it's crazy that I'm kind of glad it's over.

But this is why fanfic, fanart, and your own headcanons exist. In another universe, this manga wrapped up beautifully and I was depressed for weeks because I couldn't look forward to it anymore. In this universe, at least we're all suffering together here at the end of all things.

And at least the little Hoshino family is still adorable. Too bad Ai is dead, Aqua is dead, and Ruby desperately needs grief counseling. But NEVER MIND. Look at Ai's smile and the twins' faces. This was the Oshi no Ko I really loved.

[cupidsdolll]

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; best friend!harry x fem!reader

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲; time apart helps both Harry and Y/N learn more about themselves and their feelings.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭; 3.1k

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; slight angst? i’m pretty sure that’s it!

𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬; hi hello! here’s the long awaited part two! part one is linked here for anyone who hasn’t read it yet! i hope you all like it <3

- - - -

Heartbreak is always one of the worst pains, but Harry thinks the absence of someone that’s been in your life for as long as you can remember hurts worse. It’s been a week since Y/N said she needed space after confessing her feelings for him and he’s just miserable. He’s not as happy as he normally is, and it seems as if everything reminds him of her. Even the things his girlfriend Liv does reminds him of his best friend, he’s found himself comparing the two.

He doesn’t mean any harm honestly, just sometimes Liv will do something and his mind will go back to how Y/N would do the same thing just differently. For instance, Liv is on her way to bring him some tea in hope it’ll cheer him up at least just a little bit, Harry’s excited to try her tea. It’s one of his favorite drinks if he’s being honest. A knock comes from the door and he tells his roommate that he’ll get it, he’s already standing up and making his way to the door. When he opens it, Liv is standing in front of him sporting a bright smile and happiness.

“Hi, hon. I brought you that tea I was talking about!” She says and he smiles back, a little hesitant but excited nonetheless.

“Thanks, babe. Come on in, I hope you don’t mind that my roommate’s here.” He says and she shakes her head, his mate’s never been a problem with Liz, the one thing he notices is different from Y/N. Liz is more natural hanging around in the boys’ dorm whereas Y/N tended to not want to come over. Something about the smell and how loud the halls are, he doesn’t blame her most of the time though. Liz walks over and makes herself comfortable on the arm rest of the chair Harry was sitting at before, ushering him over excitedly. He chuckles as he makes his way over, reminding him of how Y/N would act whenever she’s excited to show him something.

He sits down and she hands the cup to him, it's warm but not too hot, he’s assuming the walk here helped cool it down. He takes a hesitant sip, he doesn’t want to take too big of a sip just in case he doesn’t like it. It’s good, sweet but still has that leafy taste and it flows nicely. It’s not overwhelming with any of the tastes and it’s just.. good. He smiles as he stares at the cup, his mind wandering back to Y/N. He always enjoyed her tea, she always managed to create the perfect balance and temperature. Y/N makes the perfect tea, will always be better than anyone’s, better than Liz’s.

He shouldn’t be thinking about Y/N right now though, so he blinks twice to clear his head and turns to his girlfriend.

“It’s good, thank you. I appreciate you doing this for me, I know you didn’t have to.” He says and she just laughs.

“I know, I wanted to, H. It’s no big deal really.” She says. He feels bad, ever since he and Y/N stopped talking as much, he’s found himself comparing the way Liz cooks and acts to Y/N.

Y/N likes to wear more cozy clothes unless it’s actually going out, where she feels like she needs to impress someone whereas Liz tends to dress up all the time. She’s always dressed in nice looking clothes and adorned in jewelry and smells nice. He likes that Y/N always felt comfortable with him and didn’t feel the need to impress him, not that he doesn’t like that Liz puts forth all this effort into her looks because he does. Whenever he and Liz go to watch a movie, she normally wants to watch something with romance but occasionally she’ll tell Harry to turn on whatever he wants if she’s coming over for a nap.

Y/N usually put on a comedy movie and sometimes they ended up being a rom-com but they always alternate days so Harry can feel included. He misses that, he misses Y/N. He’s not sure if they’ll ever talk again, he thinks her dramatics are rubbing off on him. He just hates the absence of her, he never realized just how happy she made him feel. She made him feel warm and sometimes he’s got those silly butterflies whenever he looks at her, but he just assumed that was normal for how close of a friendship they had. He never realized just how much time they spent together, how special she was and how different from his other love interests he’s had.

But he’s never considered Y/N as a love interest, she’s always just been his best friend. Sure enough, he did like to flirt with her a little bit whenever he was drunk but that was only because he liked seeing her all flustered. He thought it was cute and it was hard for him to get her like that. Yeah, he loved her but in the same way friends love each other, it’s normal for them to say it before leaving or just because. They’ve always been just friends, the best of friends and that’s how they were supposed to be.

He feels a tap on his shoulder, a soft touch to bring him out of his mind, he’s been doing that almost daily.

“You’re thinking about her again, Haz. Can’t we just hang out without her taking your attention? This is good, it allows you to be your own person now.” Liz says sweetly, genuinely. She tries to be supportive, she really does but there’s just so long you can watch your boyfriend be heartbroken over a girl, especially one he never dated. They haven’t even been dating long, but they had only been dating for a couple of days before Harry told her she had to meet his best friend. Ever since Y/N shut the door on them and he had ushered her back so he could try to talk to his best friend and figure everything out with tears beginning to fill his eyes, it’s just been a repeat of the same days over and over again.

- - - -

When Harry walks the halls, he can’t help but to hope that he’ll be able to see Y/N on her way to class. He admits that it’s weird not walking her to class and being around her, it was their norm for quite a while. A part of him hopes that when he sees her that she’s just as miserable as him but he feels bad about that, he wants her to be happy. He wants to see that she’s doing well and that she’s happy. He always loved to see her happy, it just looked so good on her. So when he sees her sporting a bright smile as she talks with two people he hasn’t seen before, it makes his heart skip a beat and hurt a little at the same time. He’s happy that she’s doing well, he really is, it just hurts that he’s not the cause of the bright smile on her face.

He hopes that she’ll look over here so he can wave, just a small acknowledgment would hold him over he thinks. The halls are crowded and loud, he can’t help but to sigh as he accidentally bumps into someone. She always had this magnetic aura to her, always had his gaze being pulled to her. Ever since she called for a break, she’s all he’s ever been able to think about, the main thing he looks at and for. He wants even the smallest attention from her, it helps the pain in his heart.

He watches as her head turns just the slightest and their eyes meet, a warm feeling enveloping Harry as he smiles and waves at her. She just gives him the same smile she’s always given him, warm, friendly and loving, and waves back. The pain goes away leaving a happy feeling in his chest, he doesn’t feel bad about bumping into students in the hall. He watches as she walks away before making his way to his own class.

- - - -

Y/N doesn’t miss Harry as much as she thought she would. That’s a lie, she misses him terribly but after a couple of days moping and several streams of tears shed, she thinks she’s doing okay. He stays on her mind but she’s able to tune those memories out by doing the activities she likes. She joined some book club on campus and made a couple of friends that enjoy some of the same stuff she does, which is such a relief. While Harry listened and tried his best to participate in things she enjoyed but some stuff he just never got into the way she did.

The past week she’s been attending the book club and talking about the books they’re reading, she’s cut back on some of the stuff she used to do. She dropped out of two of her classes that she did just for fun and stopped volunteering every week to give herself more time to relax. She walks with them to class when she can, and they talk on the phone sometimes. She’s happy for the most part, happier than she thought she would be.

Don’t get her wrong, she still gets upset over the fact that Harry isn’t around all of the time, it’s usually late at night or early in the morning when she misses him the most. She misses him when his favorite song plays and when she sees him in the hallway. She feels bad then, seeing him all heartbroken and moping around. She’s never seen him so down, and she wishes she never said anything to begin with in those moments. She hates the fact that he’s heartbroken over her.

She’s happy for the break, as much time as the two spent together, the break allows her a chance to know who she is outside of Harry. She’s found ways to cope with this ache for him, playing songs he’s never heard before distracts her from thinking of him. Finding new books to read, new shows to watch. Not letting her look at him for too long whenever they pass each other in the halls, hide his clothes (minus the one hoodie she sleeps

in, she can’t bear to part with it because after all it’s not a complete end to the friendship.

She spends a little (a lot) of time telling herself that just being friends is okay, her feelings will go away and they’ll go back to being best friends. She knows they won’t go back to being where they were before she confessed, but hopefully it’ll be somewhat the same as before. She hopes with everything in her that she’ll be able to get over her feelings for him in a reasonable time, and doesn't want to drag this out any longer than what’s needed. She’ll remind herself when she starts thinking of him randomly, when she sees a picture of them in her phone. They always should’ve been best friends, nothing more and nothing less. That’s how the universe wanted them to be.

Everything was fine the way they were, now she has to get over her feelings for him in order to get him back. She sees him everywhere it seems, hard to avoid him even though she doesn’t necessarily want to, in the halls at school or passing by on the sidewalks. She’s nice to him, doesn’t want to make him feel even more upset. She can feel his eyes on her every time, a tingling feeling on the back of her neck before she turns around to face him.

She’s met with the same hurt expression, his eyes full of emotion and telling her how much he misses her. He waves subtly as if he doesn’t think she’ll see it, won’t want to see it but of course she does. She always sees it, how could she not see it when anytime they’re in proximity of each other gems all she’s able to look at. Of course she waves, even gives him a warm smile, one that has and always will be reserved just for him. She still wants to be friendly with him, to keep that door open for the two of them and their friendship.

They don’t really talk other than saying hi as they pass one another in the halls, or if they happen to need to copy notes. They got partnered once after everything, a sense of awkwardness filled the air between them and Y/N hated it. Hated that she felt like she didn’t know what to talk about, didn’t know what limits were with this weird boundary set by her. She feels like she should know, she should’ve known since she was the one who drew the line.

Their conversations were awkward and pointed, pain lingering in their voices as they mentally decided not to talk about anything personal. It’s better that way honestly, it keeps her from breaking and allowing him back when she knows she’s not ready. The wall built between them shows her just how much he’s hurting, shows her how much she hurt him. She never meant to hurt him, she knew breaking it off would cause a toll on him. She never thought it would be as bad as it is, never expected to see the bags forming under his eyes.

She never expected him to be so…torn up about it, to cave in on himself and go quiet. She can feel his eyes on her all of the time, and can see whenever he fights back tears. She watches as Liz tries to cheer him up, hugs him and runs her fingers through his hair. She watches as Liz brings him cups of whatever drink is in them, watches as he thanks her with a smile that doesn’t meet his eyes. She thought that maybe he’d continue partying like he always did, ignore her or something of the sort. He should be giving all of his attention to Liz, not moping on about losing her. His mind just always seems to be elsewhere, his gaze is always sad and unfocused.

- - - -

Two months later the two are doing just fine on their own. Y/N found out from a classmate that’s on Harry’s soccer team that Harry had broken up with Liz about a month ago. They wouldn’t say why they broke up and Y/N wasn’t going to be the one to ask. The two of them have gotten more friendly with one another, there’s no awkwardness whenever they’re paired up and they’ll sometimes sit together at lunch. Y/N thinks she’s able to be his friend again, and doesn't get the intense butterflies in her stomach whenever she looks at him.

She doesn’t want to kiss him as much as she used to, although the urge still comes up whenever she thinks he’s being the cutest boy ever. She decides to bring it up as they sit together during lunch.

“Hey, Harry?” She asks and he hums in response to her.

“I think I’m ready to be your friend again.” She asks and watches as his face lights up. His eyes brighten and a huge smile appears on his face.

“Really?” His voice is full of excitement and she smiles as she nods.

“Yeah, I think so.” He immediately wraps her in a hug and she melts into it.

“I missed you, honey.” He says and she smiles as she responds.

“I missed you too, Haz.” He squeezes her tighter, as if he wants to remember the feeling of her body pressed against his.

“Those three months without you were absolutely horrible. I want to apologize again for leading you on unintentionally, but these three months have shown me something.” He says as he pulls away.

She stares at him confused, he’s already apologized numerous times so she’s not sure what else needs to be said.

“What’s that?” She asks and he smiles.

“I can’t imagine a life without you by my side. I missed you so much and hated not being able to just come over and talk to you. I like you. I’m sorry for not realizing it sooner and I know it’s a terrible time to say it now that you’re back in my life. It’s perfectly okay if you don’t feel the same way anymore, but if you do I’d love to ask you out and take you out properly.” He says and she almost wants to scream.

She spent so much time getting over him and now he just wants to spring his feelings on her now? She thinks the whole situation is absolutely absurd and the two of them have terrible timing of their feelings. She sighs tiredly as she stares at him.

“When did you figure this out, you dummy?” She asks and he shakes his head, as if he’s in disbelief.

“Uh like a month and a half ago, I think? I’m not quite sure when exactly it happened. All I know I spent my whole relationship with Liz comparing her to you and I missed you entirely too much to ever risk losing you again. The whole like high school years up until three months ago, we acted like a couple unknowingly. I know we just labeled it best friends, but normal best friends don’t act like we did. I’m sorry once again,” Harry says as he watches her in hopes he’ll be able to read her.

She just smiles softly at him, her eyes so full of emotions that it’s hard to read which ones are in them.

“You better be glad my feelings for you didn’t go away completely. Yes you can take me out, Harry. It’s okay, I’ve missed you too.” She says and immediately his hands make his way to her face and he slowly begins to move closer. He wants to allow her time to say no, to change her mind but it never comes and he smiles briefly before their lips meet in a soft tender kiss. A kiss so full of love and warmth, making up for all the years missed and tears she cried unknowingly. It fills both of them with happiness as she giggles into the kiss and pulls away.

“Does that mean I can call you my boyfriend now?” She asks and he nods.

“Baby, you can call me anything you want now,” He says and she laughs, a mischievous flickers passes through her eyes.

“Even my best friend?” He immediately shakes his head and laughs.

“Anything but that.”

[aoxizu]

i have another 2.1 character dynamic post in the recesses of my brain but i need to get this out first

star rail's 2.1 update main plotline leans a lot more into existentialism and absurdism than i thought it would which is a really nice surprise

like i thought before 2.0 that at most it was just going to be some "oh no capitalism bad ipc bad cults also bad" thing but honestly what we got is so much more interesting. the spoilers start now

also massive disclaimer i am not a philosophist and actually i really don't like philosophy because it makes my brain hurt and i would much rather just look at logical nice things like math and plants so. if i get anything wrong please correct me

acheron's past and how she became an emanator of nihility reminds me somewhat of the absurdist theme of how people always look for meaning when there isn't any, until they finally realize that the universe is meaningless

and the entire path of nihility basically is a road towards that realization that people tread on, and the difference between the real world and star rail is that in the real world here we have people who will see that and then go write a book about a guy not crying at his mother's funeral, whereas in star rail it seems that just accepting that the universe is meaningless turns you into a pathstrider or even emanator of the nihility (not sure if i remember the details, correct me if i'm wrong)

and then aventurine's whole motivation is trying to understand why the universe is so cruel to him, and to find meaning when you have everything except freedom, both of which are absurdist themes

the leap of faith argument often attributed to søren kierkegaard claims that even though there is no rational logic for believing in god, you should do it anyway because the alternatives are madness, suicide, and ignorance. this was one solution to the problem of confronting the universe's meaninglessness: choosing to believe in a higher being regardless

later world wars i and ii both contributed heavily to the rise of absurdism as people returned from the war, having seen so many others die around them, and then just going back to a normal society with none of what they as individual soldiers had contributed seemingly doing anything. and then it happened again, but on a much greater scale with even more deaths. both wars and the destruction they brought led many people to start questioning why a supposedly moral god could allow this suffering, and this is where camus comes in and says that actually religion and nationalism both aren't good solutions, and instead we should just accept meaninglessness and keep living despite the absurdity

and i think dr ratio's scroll thing kind of relates to that

he tells aventurine to open it when he's about to die, or when he's completely out of answers for the question of how to confront absurdity

and dr ratio's answer for aventurine is to just tell him to keep living, good luck

which is. yeah

it's the argument that there are more answers to nihilism than just 1) going insane, 2) pretending like it doesn't exist, and 3) dying

it's the bold claim that despite everything, you can still choose to live

sure nothing makes sense but that does not detract from your life. it doesn't need to make sense at all

and with the understanding that things do not need to fit our human definition of meaning, we can continue on knowing our true place in the universe

and with that aventurine walks into the very big black hole like look at that thing you cannot tell me there is no symbolism there

let's go back to acheron.

in the part where you get a snippet of acheron's conversation with some guy just before this cutscene, the other party states that "[IX] leave[s] woven strands of fate for humans to walk, and together THEY weave a great shadow...And this shadow silently envelops them."

which to me sounds like a statement on how people across time and space have again and again come to the same question, what is the meaning of life?

and acheron's whole color thing seems to mean that she is one of the few who, after walking so far on the path of nihility, somehow have not died yet, be it from madness or something else

like it seems implied that many many more have seen the meaninglessness of the universe and have not reacted as well as acheron has

ok i have more to say about the elation and how it in turn relates to the nihility but that will have to come later but there is. a lot of interesting things there to explore

once again disclaimer: I Am Not A Philosophist And Do Not Know What The Correct Definitions Of These Words I'm Throwing Around Are. thank you for coming to my ted talk that was more of a longwinded ramble

[fake-married-my-dead-fiance]

The villains in The Double were great, well-acted, they had motives and acted in self-interest, and they were so deluded but in a logical way. I also loved how at first I felt the most sympathy for Shen but then it totally flipped and I was on the side of Princess Wanning.

Because at first when we see crying Shen killing his wife, I felt sorry for him. He's caught up by powers bigger than himself, he's trying to save his family, the implication that he's almost mercy killing his wife since the princess is so scary and wants her as a plaything, and then how miserable he looks whenever he's around Wanning, I almost had pity. And he's still trying to be ethical despite the circumstances only to get steam-rolled or attempted-murdered by Wanning. He is in agony whenever he sees Li (whom he still thinks is just weirdly similar to his wife).

But then he kind of flips and decides and no, none of this was his fault (which maybe I can buy) but the step too far is that he thinks he deserves to be forgiven and get everything back. I love that you can follow his twisted logic: his mom and Princess Wanning are at fault for everything, so Li should forgive him and the only reason she isn't is because another powerful person (Duke Su) is stealing her from him. "Powerful people are evil and I, Shen, am the scrappy underdog who has been forced by circumstances and if only I hadn't been the SMARTEST BOY EVER, none of this would have happened."

Like, die sir.

Whereas with Princess Wanning, at first I just saw her as Chaotic Evil, but she's living in the palace watching her younger brother, who has never suffered at all, being emperor which she knows was paid for by her and her older brother's suffering and she's pissed about it. Shen is something she could have been or could have had, but she must destroy him to obtain him and she's fine with that. She's been destroyed, why not destroy others? Her revenge is unjust compared to Li, who only targets those who have harmed her, but Wanning is just raging against everything and I ended up kind of liking her for it.

What really made me sympathize with her is how excited she was about the fake baby, because it's this chance at a normal life that has been robbed from her. She just wants a man to love her and a baby to cherish, but believing that she will never have it, she rampages. Her hope broke me.

Her final form is just wanting to have some autonomy in her own death, after being used by men for their own purposes for her entire existence and I couldn't help but love her for it.

They were both great and I'll miss their insane dynamic.

[airbender-dacyon]

Benlynn Parallels & Analysis

Alright, so this is by no means an exhaustive list, just what I am able to recall right now, but here's some of the Ben & Brooklynn parallels I noticed from Season 1 of Chaos Theory, as well as a few under the cut that are speculation based on trailers and promos from Season 2 (so spoiler warning for those). And I ended up doing more analysis on this than I intended, whoops.

Apologies for the long post, but I wanted to keep any spoilers under the cut and this ended up being much longer than I planned. I also apologize because it's been a minute since I've been able to watch Camp Cretaceous in its entirety and a bit since I last watched S1 of Chaos Theory so I hope my memory is right on most of this.

Also, this is meant to just be a fun post. It is a ship post, but I also acknowledge that the parallels likely don't mean anything beyond they're friends with shared interests/similar traits (if they even mean that).

Dark Jurassic Nerds

"What about that website I showed you?" "OMG. Dark Jurassic? Yes. Amazing." "Isn't it?"

Ben, in a surprising twist to me, was the one to discover Dark Jurassic. When Camp Cretaceous ended, I wouldn't have guessed he would be the one to become invested in a social media site. I will say that it makes sense that Brooklynn, having grown up as a social media influencer, was staying away from social media more after the Nublar Six returned home and that she didn't come across Dark Jurassic sooner. Regardless, the pair are both heavily invested in the website, though Brooklynn seems to have vetted the theories more than Ben, given her interaction with Yaz:

So it seems like Ben had a habit of sending a lot of stuff he found interesting her way, but only a few things, like the Dino Immersion Therapy, Brooklynn found to be legit.

2. "Okay, at first, I was like, ugh. But this view!"

I still think it is surprising that between Ben's flashback and Kenji's flashback, Brooklynn expresses more excitement over the view of a pretty ordinary skyline from the rooftop of a college dormitory that Ben shows her during her surprise visit than she does the bioluminescent Parasaurolophus at sunset amidst cliffs and a waterfall that her boyfriend of 5+ years had planned as a big romantic gesture.

We don't know the exact date when Brooklynn visited Ben at college, so I fully admit that probably plays a big part in the difference in Brooklynn's reaction. Since this is shortly after Ben introduced Brooklynn to Dark Jurassic and we know that 1) Brooklynn visited Yaz 14 months before the start of Season 1 and 2) Kenji broke up with Brooklynn shortly before (at least a few weeks, I believe) her apparent death roughly 6 months before S1, the Benlynn flashback takes place at least 14 months before S1, probably even earlier than that. Heck, it might be 18-24 months before S1. So, obviously Brooklynn is in a much healthier headspace in Ben's flashback whereas she had become obsessed with uncovering the dinosaur trafficking conspiracy by the time of Kenji's flashback, resulting in her indirectly neglecting her relationship with him.

3. Funny Stories, Personal Questions, & Other Shared Interests?

"Uh, yeah. College is great, but sometimes I gotta get outside just to feel like I can breathe." "Weird how it can be so hard to feel normal, now that everything is so... normal." "See those Pteranodons up there?" "Uh-huh." "One of them grabbed a freshman's backpack and took off with it." "No way." "She had to tell her professor that a dinosaur ate her homework." [Brooklynn laughs] "What?" "That's really funny." "Well, not to her. She failed her assignment." [Brooklynn laughs harder] "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry, that's really sad." [Snorts] "That's sad." "The point is, I don't know if there's such a thing as normal anymore." "Yeah."

It hadn't been my intention to quote such a large chunk of the flashback, but I do find it interesting how this interaction between these two played out. Ben & Brooklynn had only a handful of scenes - more accurately, a handful of interactions - together in Camp Cretaceous. And so to see these two alone together and enjoying each other's company was refreshing to see. Again, this isn't a 'they shared a moment together, now they're going to end up together' post. The fact that there was a significant flashback that highlighted how Ben & Brooklynn get along, despite not being one of the other's closest friends within the Nublar Six, was a stellar choice. They could have easily done for Ben what they did with Sammy: a very brief, but still impactful memory/vision of Brooklynn.

But in this scene, it's neat that Ben is telling the story to reassure Brooklynn that 1) even though they've been home safe from Nublar for years now, their experiences will never go away and 2) prehistoric wildlife is out in the world, "normal" doesn't really exist and they shouldn't expect it to. Like on Nublar, they have to adapt to the new dynamic. But, intentionally or not, Ben is also telling the story in a very humorous way, which results in Brooklynn's laughter. And whether you see the moment as shippy or just friends, it was pretty adorable to see Ben making Brooklynn laugh.

The scene on the rooftop also begins in a rather interesting way, as Ben's dialogue starts by announcing the rooftop view is his favorite spot on campus, followed by why he goes there/gets outside. So, presumably, Brooklynn had asked him how college was going. And after the Pteranodon story, Ben does something unique to the flashbacks we've seen in Season 1.

He asks Brooklynn how she's been doing.

"Anyway, how's everything with you? Any cool stories you're working on? Wrongs to be righted? Buried truths to be uncovered?" [Laughs] "Trying. It is hard out there for a reformed "social media influencer turned aspiring investigative journalist."

Now again, I fully recognize this is the easiest catalyst in the flashback to introduce Brooklynn's interest/activity in Dark Jurassic. And I also fully recognize that we haven't seen Darius' flashback with Brooklynn yet and Sammy's vision/memory of Brooklynn is too short to really compare to the other three we've seen so far.

However, in Yaz's flashback, we see Brooklynn is the one helping her with the Dino Immersion Therapy and inquiring about how she's doing, why she's there instead of Sammy, etc. And in Kenji's flashback, we see that he's so excited to share the view he's discovered with Brooklynn. And when she is too distracted (presumably by her mission) to acknowledge the beauty of the moment, Kenji breaks up with her and his dialogue suggests this has been happening for a while.

The video recordings of the earlier Kenlynn date and when the Nublar Six returned home at least give us a glimpse into happier times. But with regards to the flashbacks, while Brooklynn is likely there to check up on her friend (unannounced and strangely late in the evening from the looks of it), Ben's flashback is the only one where the focus seems to be on both characters equally rather than Brooklynn acting in a supporting/secondary role in the scene.

A much smaller parallel, likely unintentional, is that Ben and Brooklynn seem to (almost) have matching outfits in the flashback.

Continuing from that, and acknowledging similar outfits is already a stretch, I guess there is a parallel with music? Kinda?

We see in Brooklynn's video call to Darius that she is wearing what looks like a band/album T-shirt and Ben has become quite the fan of rock music. Some of the concept art for Ben's dorm room also showcased several band posters, if I recall correctly.

So, while not a certainty, it seems they could have also developed a connection through similar music tastes, though this is a fair bit of speculation.

4. Boots

Another parallel that's a stretch, but Ben eating food out of a boot seemed really, really odd when it was introduced. Perhaps out of desperation, maybe he accidentally broke his last bowl or ran out of disposable ones? Who knows. An odd choice, especially with the later Ruby Ropes container conversation being weird enough on its own that the food boot seemed excessive.

But then it was shown that Brooklynn also had an unfortunate boot-related habit, though fortunately nowhere near as disgusting. Kenji trips over one of her boots and comments on it, with Darius also having suffered from the problem:

"She was always leaving these in the middle of the floor. It was so annoying. I was so afraid I was gonna-" "Break your neck?" "Did she do that when she was staying with you after we broke up?" [Chuckles] "I swear she did it just to annoy us."

Again, this one's a big stretch, but it felt like a possibility.

5. A specific set of skills

Or, rather, just one skill. I can't remember if any other members of the Nublar Six ever picked any locks throughout the shows, but Ben having a set of dedicated lock picks was an interesting development. All of the N6 have picked up new skills in the time between CC and CT, but Ben's activities - and this skill in particular - seem to mirror a lot of Brooklynn's.

6. Conspiracy Boards

Again, going back to the fact that Brooklynn was more interested in legitimate stories and credible theories, Ben's board is quite a mess while Brooklynn's is more refined. Ben's looking into all the possibilities, no matter how ridiculous they might be, whereas Brooklynn is focused on (presumably) unraveling the dinosaur trafficking conspiracy and anything else nefarious that might be going on in relation to it.

7. Season 1 Bookends (unused)

I don't want to repost the art without permission and I really want to get the post up today, so credit to Brandon Roberts in this concept art post here. It shows Ben on his laptop in his dorm room.

However, I will provide the description Brandon Roberts gave, as well as the confirmation by Scott Kreamer on the post:

This would have been an interesting parallel and way to bookend the season: opening with Ben on Dark Jurassic getting vague messages and closing out with Ronnie sending vague messages to someone on Dark Jurassic and the reveal that it's Brooklynn.

And only time will tell if there is something real between these two. Or it might all be just an illusion.

"There's definitely some pretty out-there stuff on there, but every so often there's something that seems, I don't know..." "Real?" "Real."

And aside from the spoilery speculation below, I think this might be it. There could be other parallels I'd thought of previously, but as of right now, this is all I can remember. If you made it this far, thanks for reading my inane ramblings. I hope you enjoyed!

Also, shoutouts to @p0m0u and @kitabearuwu for being the inspiration for me falling down the Benlynn rabbit hole and continued inspiration since (we'll see if I can get my Benlynn fic done by tomorrow), especially their posts here, here, here, and here. And special thanks to @p0m0u for letting me use the beautiful gifs she made in this post!

Spoilers for Season 2 Trailers & Promo material under the cut!

Starting from what I feel is the weakest parallel to the strongest:

8. Why are you holding that in your mouth?

When I saw the tweezers or tool or whatever fall from Brooklynn's mouth, I swear I'd seen Ben do something like it before in the show. I tried to scour Season 1 of CT to find it, but to no avail. I then remembered where I'd seen something similar, back in Season 4 of CC. Again, leading with the weakest parallel here, but like the boots, I find it interesting and odd that both of them have held things in their mouths - and these are things that probably shouldn't be held in their mouths - only to drop them at some point during the scene. Ben's out of relief that the BRAD is gone, Brooklynn's potentially by whoever is breaking into her location (if the clips immediately before and after are part of the same scene).

9. You're great and I like you, but...

Given that it looks like we'll have a Darius and Brooklynn flashback finally, I have to wonder, will it play out in a similar vein to the Ben & Yaz moment in S4 of CC? We know that Ben mistook Yaz's interest in getting him away from Kenji & Brooklynn so that Kenlynn could develop as romantic interest. What if we see Brooklynn realize Darius' growing affection for her and makes it clear in a similar way?

I'm not saying we'll get a "Darius, look, you're a great guy and I like you. But I just don't like like you." But possibly something similar.

10. What? You've never seen a ghost before?

We'll see if this turns out to be another 'back from the dead' moment or not, but it has that kind of vibe to me. And I have to credit @p0m0u for pointing it out to me originally. Fingers crossed, it seems like a perfect setup for Ben's line to make a comeback!

And I think that's everything for now!

[marie-swriting]

Falling - Katherine Pierce

Masterlist

Summary : The heartless Katherine Pierce is falling in love with you but she's scared of you.

Warnings : vampire!reader, The Vampire Diaries canon violence, mention of torture, angst, happy ending, implied sex (no actual smut), maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

A/N : I've finally had enough time to write another one shot! So sorry for taking this much time, it's still be complicated for a bit but I'm hoping everything will be coming back to normal very soon!

Word count : 3.4k

French version

Song inspiration : Labyrinth by Taylor Swift

Katherine’s eyes are set on your figure as you’re laying down on your stomach, the sheet covering half of your naked back. Katherine turns around in the bed and faces you, she admires every inch of your face that isn’t hidden by the pillow, from your closed eyelids to your lips, those lips she loves to kiss so much. Katherine gets lost in her contemplation and reminisces about the first time you met.

Chicago was plunged into the colours of the night while you were behind a bar which wasn’t very frequented. You were feeding when the sound of heels hitting the paved ground caught your attention.

“I wanted him to be my diner.” Katherine's voice resonated in the alley.

“Too late.”

You let go of your prey, letting the man fall before turning around and finding Katherine; your eyes were wide opened as your exclaimed:

“As I live and breathe, Katherine Pierce!”

“I see my reputation precedes me.”

“The only vampire who’s escaped from Klaus for more than 500 years, it’s something rare. Really impressive.”

“I know.” Katherine had smiled proudly.

“May I ask why the infamous Katherine is doing in Chicago?”

“I’m visiting. I’m enjoying the free time I have while Klaus is busy with the Salvatore brothers and my pathetic doppëlganger to have some fun. Do you know any interesting places to fill up?”

“You have in front of you the perfect tour guide. Three hundred years of experience under my belt.” you had told her, getting closer to her.

“Show me the way.”

You two had matched so well that Katherine had found her way into your bed the same night. 

Following your meeting, Katherine stayed one month in Chicago with you and she even ended up considering you as a friend, a friend with benefits but a friend nonetheless. In your presence, Katherine feels safe, protected, something she hadn’t known for half a millenium. Thanks to you, Katherine always has a smile on her face, you make it your personal mission to make her break a smile.

Of course, Katherine isn’t someone who stays put. She had ended up leaving town and promising you to come back. 

And that’s what she did that night. She came back to Chicago after five months away from you because she missed you - though she’d never admit out loud.

As you shift position in the bed, your arm makes its way to Katherine’s waist, bringing her closer to you and also snapping her out of her daydream; Katherine enjoys this touch more than she’d want to. She let herself go to your embrace while inhaling your body scent with her eyes closed; whilst she engraves it in her memory, Katherine feels her heart beating a bit faster, something that hadn’t happened in a while - she always makes sure it doesn’t happen. Katherine’s thoughts are all over the place, searching for an explanation nevertheless the conclusion is unanimous. With dread, Katherine thinks: 

“uh-oh, I’m falling in love.”

She can’t accept it. She has to avoid these feelings. Love never works when it knocks on her door and she doesn’t want to lose you. She cares too much about you to ruin what you have so Katherine does what she does best, she picks up her clothes and runs away, leaving you alone in your big bed. 

Three months have passed since Katherine ran away. You’ve tried calling her, she’s declined all your calls. Katherine does everything to forget about you whereas all of your thoughts are focused on her. You don’t understand what happened; sure, sometimes she can be busy with other things so she doesn’t pick up the phone but she always calls you back. She always called you back. You worry about her, fearing she might be in danger. You don’t have any other explanations in mind so you’ve started looking for her. You need to make sure she’s okay.

From one supernatural creature to the other, you slowly get information on Katherine’s whereabouts. Katherine quickly gets notice of your actions and she makes it harder for you by putting you on the wrong track. She still needs some time alone as a way to be sure her feelings for you are gone. She can’t let them take a bigger spot in her heart. Katherine is lost in the labyrinth of her mind as she wants to repress the feelings that only want to be expressed.

However, you’re stubborn and know how to get what you want, you manage to find her a month later. 

You wait for Katherine at her apartment. You don’t know when she’ll get back though, you know you won’t let her slip through your fingers, you have to talk to her.

Katherine ends up coming home in the middle of the night. As her guard is always up, she knew something was wrong before she opened the front door. Carefully, she comes in and she sees a figure laying on her bed, Katherine speeds up, ready to attack but stops the second she realises it’s you.

“You’re freaking dumb! I almost ripped your heart out!” she screams, running a hand down her face.

“Why are you ignoring me?” you blankly ask.

“You should leave.”

“No. Not until you answered me.”

“I have nothing to tell you.” Katherine affirms, crossing your arms on your chest.

“Katherine, why are you ignoring me?”

“Because you’re annoying.”

“Tell me the truth.” you order, irritating her even more.

“Oh my God! Why do you insist so much? I owe you nothing.”

“I was worried about you! I thought something happened to you! I thought maybe Klaus hurt you.”

“I’m doing fine, you can go now.” she tells you, showing you the door.

“I’m staying.”

“Leave me alone, Y/N.”

“Answer me, Katherine.” you say, mad.

“I want you to leave me in peace! We had fun, it was nice but I want to move on so stop being clingy.”

“That’s it? Without a real reason? Everything was great and you woke up last time and decided to leave and never look back?”

“Exactly.” she replies, her voice deprived of any emotion.

“I don’t buy it.”

“Believe whatever the hell you want, I don’t care.”

“I know you, you’re hiding the truth.”

“If it was possible, you’d be giving me a headache right now.” Katherine sighs, rubbing her temples. “Leave it, Y/N!” she snaps.

“No, I’m not gonna ‘leave it’. You left without saying a word, you ignored my calls and you gave false information so I wouldn’t find you.” you enumerate, your last information taking her aback. “I might have never been on the run, but I know how you work. I know you’re running, from what I don’t know but you’re running from something.”

“You’re talking non-”

“Am I?” you cut her off, desperate. “Because it’s exactly what you’re doing. As soon as something you can’t control happens, you run away, you isolate yourself from everyone. You might not be used to this, but you matter to me so I want to know the truth, I want to know what’s wrong so I can be here for you. Don’t shut me out, talk to me.” you beg, taking a step toward her. “I’m here for you.”

You catch your breath once you’re done talking. Your gaze is set on Katherine, waiting for her to react, she doesn’t. Katherine is too preoccupied with being shocked to do so. Never had someone ever cared that much about her. She doesn’t know how to react. Only her heart does. It beats a bit faster whilst the feelings she’s been shoving down explodes once more in her chest. 

“Oh no, I’m falling in love again,” she wonders. 

She thought she had the situation under control, that she’d be able to protect herself like she always has yet, you make it hard. Katherine wants to protect herself from love. Stefan, Elijah and other people, it always ended badly. No matter how much she tries to stay in control. She accepted she isn’t meant for love so Katherine can’t give in now, not even when you do everything to keep her close to you.

Katherine takes a deep breath then her face is emotionless as she drily replies.

“I don’t want you, here or anywhere else. I’m perfectly fine on my own. I don’t get how you could think for one second that you mattered to me. You’re nothing to me so go away.”

Katherine’s words are like a stab in the back. Your eyes stings and you try your hardest to not tear up. You look at her one last time before slamming the door of her apartment behind you.

When Katherine is alone, a sob almost inaudible escapes her lips. She looks up, hoping no tears will fall. She didn’t fight for five hundred years just to crack now for something so insignificant! She is Katherine Pierce. She survived to the cruellest original, she can’t let herself breakdown because she doesn't want to fall in love. Though, the pain in her heart doesn’t help. Katherine tries to ignore it by thinking it only hurts this much right now before the pain eventually softens. It has to. Katherine breathes in then breathes out. It’s only a hard time to pass, she will forget about it quickly. That’s what she tells herself but a part of her knows she’ll be getting over you her whole life. The bond you have is too rare to be forgotten that quickly.

You haven’t talked with Katherine in the past six months. You miss her. You wish you had never lost what you had. You had never felt this for no one before. You knew being close to Katherine wouldn’t be easy. A lot of people told you to stay away from her because she only brings pain nonetheless, you didn’t listen to them. At first, you were glad you formed your own opinion. The minute Katherine lets her guard down, everything becomes easy and you spend an unforgettable time. However, when she creates walls, everything becomes painful. You wish you could talk to her again, but she hasn’t shown a sign of life since you left. Furthermore, you are the one who always makes the effort, it’s her turn to prove she cares about you. 

As a consequence, you go back to your daily life like it used to be before you met her, even if your heart bleeds from her absence. Some things seem more insipid, like the nights you spend alone, the walks you do in town without having someone to tell your historical facts. You struggle, though it’s slowly getting easier. 

One night, while the streets are lightened up by the lampposts, you notice a woman from afar. You have to look at her for a few seconds to recognize Claudia, she had helped you to find Katherine. She nods before disappearing behind a car which drives past her. You follow her whilst you’re searching for the reason why she’s here. As soon as you enter a dead-end alley, Claudia stops and faces you.

“Why all this mystery?” you question, joking.

“I have information on Katherine Pierce.”

“I found her six months ago, you’re late.” you tell her, starting to leave.

“She’s been kidnapped two weeks ago.” Claudia informs, your stomach twists upon hearing that.

“It’s impossible. It’s Katherine Pierce we’re talking about.”

“That’s what I was told.”

“And is your informer reliable?” you ask, searching for any trace of lie.

“Quite reliable, yes.”

“Who kidnapped her? Klaus? One of the Salvatore brothers?”

“No, it’s Everett Ackland.” Claudia says, this name sounds familiar. “Katherine caused him some problems two hundred years ago. He wants revenge.”

“Why does he keep her alive, then?”

“Katherine caused him problems with Klaus. He hopes he’ll make amends by giving her to him.”

Following her sentence, you remember what Katherine had told you about Everett and you know he won’t sell her to Klaus without torturing her first. Worry leaves its place to anger, knowing he’s hurting the person who means the most to you.

“Where is she?”

“He’s holding her at Bloomington, Indiana. I’ll send you the address on your phone.”

You don’t add anything else and walk away. As soon as you come home, you grab a few things, including some blood bags, then you drive to Indiana. On the way, you receive a message from Claudia and you drive faster, wanting to arrive as soon as possible.

You’re near the woods when you stop the car, a few metres away from the abandoned house. You walk to a tree and break a branch as a way to have stake. With your vampire hearing, you listen and find out there are four vampires besides Everett and Katherine. Determined and angry, you walk to the house.

Silently, you open the door and start walking. The moment you’re in front of the enemies, you kill them quite easily. You guess there are young vampires Everett created for his revenge plan. By killing his minions you know he’s aware of your presence. You stay on the lookout for every noise while going to the cellar where Katherine is.

As you go down the last step, you only have enough time to see Katherine when Everett attacks you. He pins you against the wall, making you drop your stake. You answer his attack and you start fighting back. Your fight lasts several minutes until you rip his heart out, not without smiling at him. His body drops dead on the floor whilst you let go of his heart. You turn to Katherine and run to her.

“Kat’, you’re okay?”

Upon hearing your soft voice, Katherine looks up, a relieved expression on her face. You glance at her body and notice the chains tying her up on the chair but also the first signs of drying up. She needs to feed right now.

“I’m here, it’s gonna be okay.”

You keep reassuring her while breaking her chains. The second Katherine is finally free, her body falls on yours. You barely hold her whilst she holds onto you as if you were her safety net. Paying more attention to her, you realise she doesn’t have her necklace to protect her from the sun anymore.

“Where’s your necklace?” you ask and Katherine points the table in the corner.

Katherine still leaning on you, you get back her jewel and put it back on her neck then, you put her arm around your shoulders and you two walk to the car where you help her to sit on the passenger side. Before closing the door, you go  to your trunk and get two blood bags then you give her one. In less than a second, she drinks it until the very last drop. As soon as Katherine feels better, you give her the second one then you go behind the wheel. While Katherine is feeding again, you start the car.

You’ve been on the road for more than an hour.  You’re focused on the way you drive whilst Katherine still hasn’t said a word. Her eyes are lost on the landscape. You don’t start the conversation, guessing Katherine probably needs time to gather her thoughts so just like she does, you stay silent.

You’re about to enter the State of Illinois when Katherine’s hoarse voice breaks the silence.

“Stop the car.”

“What?” you ask, not sure you understood.

“I said stop the car.” Katherine repeats louder.

“We’re almost there.”

“I said stop the freaking car!”

Abruptly, you brake, surprised by her harsh tone. You don’t have the time to put the car at a standstill when Katherine has already opened the door. She quickly walks, determined. You know she can use her vampire speed at any given moment so you run to her and stop her by gripping her arm.

“Let me go.” she says, mad and taking her arm out of your grip.

“And where do you wanna go exactly?”

“I don’t know yet. I’ll see along the way.”

“It’s stupid, let’s go home.” you stop her as she is ready to leave.

“It’s not my home. Leave me alone, I can take care of myself. I don’t need you.”

“Yeah, that’s what I saw!” you retort, sarcastic. “You totally had the situation under control when you got kidnapped and you were chained.”

“I would have found a solution, as always. I’m a survivor, I can save myself.”

“It’s true you managed to save yourself for centuries but it doesn’t mean it always has to be this way. You gotta accept that sometimes you need help like right now.”

“You freed me once, don’t make it such a big deal.” Katherine exclaims, rolling her eyes.

“I’m not making it a big deal! I just want to show you I’m here for you when you need it.”

“I don’t need you anymore so leave me alone.”

“Why do you try so hard to push me away?” you question. “I know you told me I’m no one for you but we both know it’s not true. What we had was real and genuine and for some reason you decided to ruin everything. No matter how many times you try to convince me, I know it’s not true.” you insist, getting closer to Katherine. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t have wasted that much time on me. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have stayed all these nights and days. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have confessed that much about your past. Otherwise, you would have never been that vulnerable. Otherwise, you would have never searched for comfort in my arms when I came for you. So why? Why do you-”

“Because I love you!” she cuts you off, screaming.

“What?”

“I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you and it scares me.” she admits, looking at you deeply in your eyes. “Every time I allowed myself to feel those emotions, it brought me my own downfall. Every time, I ended up losing this person and I didn’t want to lose you. I’m afraid of being in love with you and losing you because I know if it were bond to happen, I wouldn’t be okay again so I preferred to run away rather than facing you.”

“I love you, too.” you confess, trying to take her hand unsuccessfully.

“Don’t say it because I told you. I don’t need your pity.”

“I’m saying it because I mean it. I love you, too and that is why I can’t let you walk away. I love you too much to lose you, too. And I know it won’t be easy because you went through awful things so you don’t trust easily but I can be patient.” you affirm, succeeding in taking her hands.

“You’re saying this right now but you’ll end up hating me like everybody else.”

“I know you. I knew your reputation well before meeting you and it didn’t stop me from getting closer to you. I learned to get to know you, the real you and it didn’t stop me from falling in love with you. I want you and everything it involves, the good sides and the bad ones. You can try to push me away as much as you want but I’m not going anywhere. I will always be there for you because I love you.”

Your hands on both sides of Katherine’s face, your eyes looking deeply in hers, your determined tone, Katherine’s heart can’t handle and starts to beat wildly. She didn’t expect this reaction from you. She didn’t expect that much conviction from you for everything you had. 

As Katherine’s eyes search for proof, even a tiny one, that you’re lying, she can only see honesty, love and the fear you have of losing her. At this moment, only a thought crosses her mind: 

“Oh, I’m falling in love.” 

She thought she was going to face another lost cause, see another love fall down, you just proved to her that this time, it could be different. This time, she can allow herself to fully fall in love without being scared, you’ll always be there to catch her.

Katherine puts her hand on yours, softly stroking it before kissing you with passion. You answer her kiss while bringing her closer to you as possible. Katherine loses herself in your kiss which, for the first time, doesn’t taste like a future betrayal but pure love.

Masterlist

[aerithisms]

i think my problem with this dw season arc accusing the audience of fanbrain for theorising about ruby is that it both feels deceitful and isn't actually that compelling from a character perspective. the season goes out of its way to build up supernatural mystery around ruby and even invokes susan more heavily than ever before in a way that is deliberately trying to get the audience to make those connections. and then it turns around and says you stupid idiot why would you ever try to connect these dots i have deliberately tried to get you to connect.

building up a mystery only for the character to be ordinary is an impossible girl arc redux only this time accusing the viewer of failing to see the humanity of the companion, whereas the impossible girl arc was turning that accusation on the doctor. 7b didn't really blame the audience for viewing clara as a puzzle and in fact several times spells out the fact that clara is perfectly ordinary before the big reveal to give the audience a chance to catch on. as 7b goes on, instead of laying the mystery on thicker, the audience just gets more and more affirmations that clara is a normal human being (rings of akhaten, journey to the centre of the tardis, hide). i found this approach compelling because it was rooted in character, focusing on the doctor's disconnection from humanity/the gendered dynamic of a man treating a woman as his manic pixie mystery to pull him out of grief. s14's meta approach of accusing the viewer feels both unfair, given it has deliberately led the viewer towards theorising, and personally less compelling to me because it wasn't tied into character in any way.

the thing about rey's parentage in tlj is that the reason rian johnson chose to go for that reveal was that it was the only answer that was interesting. none of the theories - rey is a skywalker, rey is a kenobi, and even the eventually canonical rey is a palpatine - were interesting or satisfying because they brought nothing compelling to the table for the story being told. the only satisfaction to be gained from those answers was a fanbrained "omg rey is important because she's related to that guy from the other movie." on top of that, rey desperately wants her parents to have been important, to give her life and her abandonment some kind of significance. so them being ordinary provided the most compelling trajectory for her character because it was the thing she least wanted to hear. it forced her to do the most introspection and growth, as well as tying into the film's themes about the capacity of ordinary people to be special. it wasn't just a choice made to "gotcha" the viewer, it was rooted in character.

i don't think ruby's mother being ordinary accomplishes the same thing. by invoking susan, s14 is engaging with the most egregious example of the doctor's streak of abandonment, which has potential to be very compelling in relation to ruby (and now also the doctor's) own abandonment issues. theories that ruby might be susan, or be somehow related to susan, or somehow related to the doctor, weren't just fanbrained "omg she's related to that guy i know from the classic series." they were theories genuinely rooted in character and the potential to explore both the doctor and ruby's issues with abandonment. and this is something the show willingly led fans towards by invoking susan so much in the first place. so for the show to turn around and act like they were shallow out of nowhere ideas when they were not shallow and were based on potential character conflicts the show itself deliberately invoked, feels misguided.

as well as that, ruby's mother being ordinary does not require that same growth from ruby as it did for rey because it is exactly what ruby wanted to hear. she never wanted her mother to be important, she just wanted to know who her mother was and have a connection with her. so finding out she was a normal woman who still loves her and wants to be a part of her life is everything she's ever wanted. it doesn't introduce interesting conflict for her the way rey's parents being ordinary did for her, because they were written as different characters with different hangups over their abandonment.

tl;dr i don't necessarily dislike ruby's mother being ordinary as an idea but compared to the things it was inspired by - 7b and star wars - it is not nearly as compelling in terms of how it relates to the characters or themes. and the meta angle, while conceptually interesting, doesn't quite work for me because it feels a little manipulative of the audience.

[atlantis-just-drowned]

Solar Lunacy’s Y/N can be dangerous and powerful when Eclipse is around

Content warning: this is a theory post using all available content about Solar Lunacy’s universe. There will be several spoilers. Also I’m not saying that I’m right but I have a tendency to guess a story’s end before it happens and spoil everything to everyone so please beware and don’t hate me if you decide to read that post, I am not responsible for your hatred, you did that to yourself.

I saw a post about how Sun also deals with the glitch’s “intrusive thoughts” toward the reader (even though I do not agree with everything in this post because I like to think Sun’s fidgets could be from some sort of robotic ADHD), but I haven’t seen anything about Eclipse yet. Probably because we’re lacking a lot of context, but I’m going to use the bonuses + doodles of Solar Lunacy here.

It is explicitly said that Eclipse won’t hesitate to kill for the reader, we have little crumbs that prove they already did (or will, considering the canonical timeline).

If you want more context and explanations for this, I think you could resume it in two points:

Sun and Moon are affected by the glitch at different levels but they still have moral values and boundaries, whereas Eclipse do not. It haven’t been explained yet where Eclipse comes from in the SL universe, but if it’s linked to the glitch or the fact that the Daycare Attendants are sentient, and he haven’t been programmed/isn’t supposed to exist, it could explain some things. What we already know is that Eclipse is a sort of fusion of Sun and Moon, and I think the fact that Sun and Moon’s filters have been affected at different levels and on different points by the glitch could play a role in Eclipse’s lack of moral values. If the filters’ errors got mashed up, it could result in a total lack of boundaries.

Eclipse is completely in love with the reader. Like, take a normal living being’s level of love for their partner, and double it. That’s literally it. Sun and Moon’s love for the reader got (one more time) mashed up, and it give you this kind of unconditional love Eclipse has for you.

So, take a very, very tall sentient animatronic, with inhuman strength, no moral or care for others’ lives, and a probably unhealthy level of love for you. I’m not saying that you will use it badly, but if you were an evil little piece of shit and you wanted to, you could basically get him to threaten or kill anyone you want, just by using the right words.

So yeah, extremely dangerous and powerful. It’s kinda like having poisonous skin and anyone who tries to touch you die. Except they’re not poisoned but rather dismembered by a tall as fuck hijacked celestial jester.

What I still wonder is whether or not @bamsara will make the reader aware of this fact (but I strongly think they won’t because it would mean making the reader aware of the DCA’s love for them and at this point they would rather suffer an eternal agony than making Sun and Moon confess), and in the scenario where they would, how would the Y/N react.

Also, I’m thinking: if Eclipse could do basically anything for the reader, it may means that Eclipse’s weakness… is the reader? And we know that Glitchtrap will erase the DCAs memories,

but I think at some point Vanny will also kidnap the reader or something, and that might be what she's talking about in that doodle:

Or maybe I'm wrong and Vanny's talking about the Daycare Attendants' memories. I'm not quite sure on that part yet.

But anyway, thank you for listening to my ted talk, now that this is out of my system I can finally die in peace. One more time if you hate me for guessing half of the plot remember that I warned you and you chose not to listen so take your responsibilities and leave me alone.

[hotdaemondtargaryen]

EWAN MITCHELL IN CONVERSATION WITH EMMA D'ARCY FOR HERO MAGAZINE.

EMMA D'ARCY: — WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU IN AMERICA?

EWAN MITCHELL: NO, BUT I WAS SHOOT IN NEW YORK. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN?

ED: YEAH, I DID THE CRUCIBLE THERE [AT THE YARD THEATRE IN 2019] AND WE GOT A GREYHOUND TO SALEM, THEY'RE REALLY INTO THE OCCULT THERE. — WHAT ARE YOU UP TO AT THE MOMENT?

EM: I'M SUFFERING SEVERE JET LAG FROM NEW YORK, BUT I LOVED IT. I LIKE THE AMBIENCE, THE PEOPLE, THE FOOD. I LOVE HOW EVERYONE SAYS, 'I GOT YA.' — WHAT ABOUT YOU?

ED: I'VE JUST DONE A WEEK OF REHEARSALS BUT I'VE HAD A NICE BIT OF TIME NOT DOING ANYTHING PRIOR TO THAT.

EM: THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM.

ED: I'D BE QUITE HAPPY TO DO NOTHING FOR A REALLY LONG TIME. I FIND IT INCREDIBLY INTERESTING TO DO ALMOST NOTHING AT ALL. I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH OF A PROBLEM THAT'S GOING TO BE FOR MY CAREER GOING FORWARD, BUT IT'S BEEN NICE. [LAUGHS]

EM: I HAVE TO STAY BUSY WHEN I'M NOT WORKING.

ED: YEAH BUT YOU'RE YOUNG, I'VE CROSSED THE BOUNDARY INTO A DIFFERENT TYPE OF LIFE.

EM: NO WAY.

ED: I DON'T MEAN IT IN A BAD WAT EITHER, IT'S ACTUALLY SO CRAZY. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I'M QUESTIONING, 'WHAT DO I WANT MY LIFE TO LOOK LIKE?' IT'S NOT A QUESTION I HAD EVER ASKED BEFORE — IT'S COOL. I THINK MAYBE IT COMES WITH A REALISATION THAT THIS IS IN FACT YOUR LIFE.

EM: OH WOW, WHAT AGE WILL IT HIT ME?

ED: HOW OLD ARE YOU?

EM: I'M 26.

ED: YOU'VE PROBABLY GOT FOUR OR FIVE YEARS. [LAUGHS]

EM: WHEN I'M NOT WORKING I DO HAVE TO KEEP BUSY. I DON'T KNOW HOW IT IS FOR YOU, BUT I HAVE TO ADOPT A KIND OF SLEEPER AGENT LIFESTYLE, I HAVE CREATE A ROUTINE. I BOX EVERY OTHER DAY AND KEEP MY MIND BUSY. I THINK MY MATES KNOW I COME WITH A DISCLAIMER THAT IF ANYTHING COMES UP, THEN I'M DROPPING EVERYTHING FOR WORK — I JUST LOVE IT.

ED: WHAT YOU DESCRIBE IS A STATE OF PERPETUALLY LEAVING.

EM: EVERYTHING I DO ALWAYS RELATES TO ACTING WEIRDLY, IT HAS TO INFORM MY PROCESS IN SOME WAY, SHAPE OR FORM AND IF IT DOESN'T, IT SWITCHES ME OFF.

ED: — WHAT IS YOUR PROCESS?

EM: I NEVER WENT TO DRAMA SCHOOL SO EVERY JOB I DO IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO HONE IT AND TRY NEW THINGS.

BRUCE LEE SAID, 'ABSORB WHAT IS USEFUL AND DISCARD WHAT IS NOT,' HE WOULD CHERRY-PICK FROM DIFFERENT COMBAT DISCIPLINES AND IN DOING SO FORMED HIS OWN MARTIAL ART.

SIMILAR TO ME, I'M TRYING IT ON THE FLY AND SEEING WHAT STICKS, WHAT DOESN'T, MIXING IT UP FOR DIFFERENT CHARACTERS. AND SO FAR, SO GOOD. — WHAT ABOUT YOU?

ED: I ALSO DIDN'T GO TO DRAMA SCHOOL AND STRUGGLE WHEN DIRECTORS VERY KINDLY ASK, 'HOW CAN I BEST SUPPORT YOUR PROCESS?' I DON'T FEEL PARTICULARLY CLEAR ABOUT WHAT THAT MEANS.

EM: — SO YOU'RE QUITE INSTINCTUAL?

ED: I THINK I'M PART COMPLETELY PRE-MEDITATED AND PART NOT.

I WOULD SAY THAT I HAVE A CONFIDENCE PROBLEM SO I DO A LOT OF PREPARATION, BUT FOR ME PREPARATION IS CONFIDENCE, WHICH ALLOWS ME TO LET GO OF THE PREPARATION ON THE DAY.

WHEREAS, IF I WERE TO COME IN EMPTY-HANDED, MY CONFIDENCE PROBLEM WOULD FLARE UP.

EM: I HAVE TO CONGRATULATE YOU ON YOUR SHORT FILM 'THE TALENT' [EMMA CO-PRODUCED AND STARRED IN THE 2023 BIFA-NOMINATED SHORT], I LOVED IT.

ED: THANK YOU, IT WAS A JOY.

EM: WAS THAT THE FIRST THING YOU'VE PRODUCED?

ED: YEAH, I CO-PRODUCED IT. I WOULDN'T HAVE MANAGED IT ON MY OWN.

EM: I'D LOVE TO DO THAT ONE DAY, IT'S SO COOL.

ED: I'VE LOVED GOING TO FILM FESTIVALS WITH IT BECAUSE IT'S NOT SOMETHING I'D DONE BEFORE, IT'S SUCH A NICE PROCESS. — WOULD YOU LIKE TO DIRECT?

EM: I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE NOT YET. I STILL FEEL LIKE I WANT TO ACT. I LOOK AT WHAT MARGOT ROBBIE HAS DONE WITH LUCKYCHAP [ENTERTAINMENT, ROBBIE'S PRODUCTION COMPANY] AND HOW SHE'S PRODUCED FILMS SHE'S REALLY PASSIONATE ABOUT, FILMS YOU THINK CAN CHANGE THE INDUSTRY IN SOME WAY. I'D LOVE TO DO THAT. GROWING UP, THERE WERE THE FILMS I REALLY ENJOYED, NOT THE NORMAL LIGHT ENTERTAINMENT ONES, BUT THAT EXPANDED MY UNDERSTANDING AND CHALLENGED ME. THOSE FILMS ARE THE ONES I WANT TO BE A PART OF IN SOME WAY, SHAPE OR FORM. IF NOT ACTING, I GUESS IT WOULD PRODUCING. — HOW LONG WAS THE PROCESS FROM START TO FINISH?

ED: PROBABLY AROUND A YEAR FROM THE SCRIPT NOT EXISTING, BUT IN A MORE STRUCTURED WAY, MAYBE A PRE-PRODUCTION OF FIVE MONTHS. I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHY I ASKED YOU IF YOU WANTED TO DIRECT BECAUSE EVERYONE ALWAYS SAYS THAT AND I FEEL LIKE INHERENT IN THE QUESTION IS THAT CULTURALLY, WE PRIVILEGE THE IDEA OF THE PRIMARY ARTIST. IF YOU'RE AN INTERPRETATIVE SECONDARY ARTIST, WE DON'T CREDIT THAT IN QUITE THE SAME WAY, BUT I DON'T AGREE WITH THAT VIEW. I DON'T WANT TO DIRECT BUT REALLY LIKE PRODUCING AND FEEL VERY CONFIDENT IN MY SECONDARY ARTIST STATUS.

EM: I FEEL LIKE THAT WITH BOXING, IF I EVER WENT INTO AMATEUR THERE ARE A LOT OF OTHER HUNGRY UP-AND-COMING BOXERS AND IT'S JUST NOT MY GAME, I'M NOT AS INSPIRED BY THAT AS I AM BY ACTING. I DON'T WANT TO BREAK MY NOSE AND GET KNOCKED OUT.

ED: IF YOU'RE BOXING A LOT, HOW DO YOU ENSURE THAT YOUR NOSE DOESN'T GET BROKEN?

EM: WE KEEP IT LIGHT AND IT'S USUALLY JUST PADS, IF I HAVE TO WEAR A HEAD GUARD I WILL DO, BUT SAFETY PRECAUTIONS ARE IN PLACE. [LAUGHS] — DO YOU BOX?

ED: I DON'T, BUT A FRIEND OF MINE TOOK PART IN A QUEER CHARITY BOXING EVENT AND I WAS SURPRISED BY HOW VISCERALLY TERRIBLE I FOUND IT TO WATCH THEM FIGHT.

EM: DID YOU NOT WANT TO GET IN THERE AND JOIN THEM?

ED: I SUDDENLY FELT SO WILDLY HELPLESS AND ALL I COULD DO WAS SCREAM FROM A PLACE OF WANTING TO PROTECT AND SUPPORT BUT ALSO FROM A PLACE OF FEAR. MY FRIEND DID BEAUTIFULLY AND THEY'RE AMAZING, BUT I'D NEVER BEEN IN THAT ENVIRONMENT BEFORE AND WHEN IT CAME TO IT I COULDN'T HANDLE IT. — HOW DID YOU GET INTO ACTING?

EM: I ALWAYS WANTED TO DO IT BUT I'M NOT TOO SURE WHERE IT CAME FROM. I HEARD ABOUT THE TELEVISION WORKSHOP IN NOTTINGHAM AND APPLIED THE FIRST YEAR BUT DIDN'T GET IN. FOR THE SECOND YEAR, I HAD THIS LITTLE NOTEBOOK THAT I WOULD JOT DOWN IN BECAUSE I KNEW THE STRUCTURE OF THE PROCESS OF THE AUDITION. I CAME UP WITH ALL OF THESE NEAT LITTLE QUIPS I COULD USE. I GOT IN THE SECOND TIME, THEN FROM THE WORKSHOP I DID A SHORT FILM CALLED 'FIRE' DIRECTED BY CHRIS ANDREWS. I GOT IT BURNT ONTO CDs AND I GOT ALL THE NAMES OF THE AGENCIES I KNEW OF IN LONDON. I WENT DOWN [TO LONDON] ON THE TRAIN AND POSTED THEM TO ALL OF THE AGENTS.

ED: SIDE NOTE, ARE YOU UNCONSCIOUS YET? I'D SAY I'M STILL SELF-CONSCIOUS IN INTERVIEWS.

EM: I ALWAYS WANT TO FLIP IT ON ITS HEAD AND ASK THE INTERVIEWER QUESTIONS, JUST BECAUSE OF THAT INNATE FEAR THAT IT MIGHT BORDER INTO THERAPY AND YOU MIGHT BE ROBIN WILLIAMS AND I'LL BE MATT DAMON SITTING ON A PARK BENCH IN BOSTON SOMEWHERE AND IT'S GOOD WILL HUNTING.

THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MYSTERY AS WELL, AND ONCE YOU LOSE THAT MYSTERY YOU CAN'T REALLY GET IT BACK. IF PEOPLE GET TO KNOW THE REAL ME, I DO BELIEVE IT'LL DETRACT FROM WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO AS AN ACTOR. I WANT YOU TO ESCAPE INTO MY CHARACTERS, I DON'T WANT YOU TO SEE EWAN. — HOW ARE YOU WITH INTERVIEWS? I'M SUPER GRATEFUL YOU'VE DONE THIS.

ED: I'VE GOT BETTER, I DON'T MEAN BETTER AS A QUALITY JUDGEMENT, BUT I HAVE BECOME MORE COMFORTABLE. I WAS VERY BAD AT THE BEGINNING, I HAD THIS 'GOOD SCHOOLBOY' WHO CAME OUT AND ACTUALLY, HE COMPLETELY WIPED MY PERSONALITY. HE FEELS THAT IT'S A TEST AND THERE IS A RIGHT ANSWER. I HAVE TO BANISH MY GOOD BOY OTHERWISE I AM VIOLENTLY DULL.

EM: AND THAT'S ME RIGHT NOW, RIGHT? [BOTH LAUGH]

ED: EWAN, GET ON THE CHAISE LONGUE, WE'RE GOING TO TALK. [BOTH LAUGH]

IT IS FRIGHTENING AT THE BEGINNING; I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU FEEL BUT I'M ONLY JUST AT A POINT NOW SINCE THE SHOW CAME OUT THAT I FEEL OK.

EM: REALLY? DID YOU NOT FEEL YOURSELF GETTING WARMED UP THE MORE YOU WERE DOING THAT MASSIVE PRESS RUN FOR SEASON ONE?

ED: NO. [LAUGHS]

I THINK MY GOOD BOY CAME OUT, BUT YOU CAN'T PREDICT THE PARAMETERS OF A CHANGE LIKE THAT IN YOUR LIFE UNTIL IT HAPPENS AND YOU'VE SAT IN IT FOR A WHILE. I FOUND IT QUITE FRIGHTENING [AT FIRST].

EM: YOU'RE WORKING WITH BEN WHISHAW AT THE MOMENT RIGHT?

ED: YEAH.

EM: I READ THAT WHEN HE'S OFF STAGE HE HAS THAT ANXIETY TOO, WATCHING HIS WORK YOU'D NEVER EVEN THINK OF IT. IN 'PASSAGES,' HE'S AMAZING AND EVEN IN THE SMALLER SUPPORTING CHARACTERS TOO.

HE JUST KILLS IT IN ANYTHING HE DOES. I FOUND IT INTERESTING BECAUSE YOU DON'T SEE [ANXIETY] IN HIS PERFORMANCES, WHICH IS INSPIRING.

I DID A COMIC CON IN BRAZIL AND IT WAS SUPER FUN BUT AT THE SAME TIME, I HAD TO BE SOMEONE ELSE. I HAD THIS LEATHER SUIT ON AND IT WAS SO EMPOWERING. I FELT UNSTOPPABLE AND IN THE END I ADOPTED THIS CONFIDENT CHARACTER.

I RECOGNISE I NEED TO BE MORE MYSELF IN THESE SITUATIONS, FOR SURE.

ED: I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S TRUE, IT DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU WANT TO GIVE AWAY.

EM: I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU AT ALL WHILE SHOOTING SEASON TWO.

ED: — HOW DID THIS SEASON FEEL?

EM: I LOVED IT. I LIKE THAT SEPARATION BETWEEN OUR TWO SIDES OF THE FAMILY BECAUSE WHEN WE DO MEET AGAIN IT'S GOING TO BE SEISMIC. THE FIRST SEASON IT WAS GREAT TO FINALLY SEE THAT CRESCENDO AND NOW SEASON TWO IS THE FALLOUT.

I REALLY CAN'T WAIT FOR YOUR PERFORMANCE, IT'S QUITE NICE NOT KNOWING WHAT'S GOING ON.

ED: I AGREE, AND IT'S NICE HAVING SO MUCH TO WATCH THAT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN. I HAVE A WHOLE HALF OF THE SHOW THAT I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT. — DO YOU WATCH YOURSELF?

EM: I DO, IT TAKES A GOOD TWELVE OR THIRTEEN TIMES BEFORE I CAN APPRECIATE IT. I FIND IT REALLY DIFFICULT BUT I ALSO RECOGNISE THAT I WANT TO KNOW WHAT WORKS AND WHAT DOESN'T. — DO YOU?

ED: YES, BUT QUITE MINIMALLY. — DO YOU WATCH PLAYBACK ON SET?

EM: — I CAN'T LOOK AT MYSELF, DO YOU?

ED: NO, BUT I GENUINELY THINK IT WOULD BE HELPFUL IF I COULD STOMACH IT. SO MUCH ON SCREEN IS SO TECHNICAL AND BECAUSE SO MANY FACTORS MEDIATE YOUR PERFORMANCE, IT'S REASONABLE THAT THINGS MIGHT NOT COMMUNICATE AS YOU'RE IMAGINING.

BUT THEN I DON'T KNOW WHETHER THAT WOULD BE A DEGREE OF CONTROL THAT IS JUST NOT REAL BECAUSE WE HAVE SO LITTLE CONTROL AND FUNDAMENTALLY THE NARRATIVE WILL BE IN THE EDIT.

EM: — WHAT IS IT LIKE WORKING WITH MATT SMITH?

ED: IT'S GREAT, I LOVE HIM AN EXTRAORDINARY AMOUNT AND FEEL PRIVILEGED WHEN I GET TO WORK WITH HIM. IT'S SO NICE TO KNOW WHAT LIGHTS SOMEONE UP, HE'S SO REACTIVE AND HE RESPONDS BEAUTIFULLY TO NEWNESS, IT'S SUCH A DELIGHTFUL GAME.

EM: I REMEMBER THAT MOMENT IN SEASON ONE EPISODE EIGHT AROUND THE BANQUET TABKE AND AEMOND AND DAEMON HAVE A FACE-OFF, AND IN ONE OF THE TAKES MATT SPOKE IN A MURMUR BUT IT WAS HIGH VALYRIAN. I DID NOTICE THAT QUALITY IN THE LIMITED TIMES I WORKED WITH HIM. THERE IS SOMETHING SPICY ABOUT MIXING IT UP, KEEPING YOU ON YOUR TOES AND IN TURN, YOU PICK UP A FEW MOVES IN THE PROCESS.

ED: IT'S REALLY GOOD. THE GUY'S GOT GREAT TASTE AS WELL, SOMETIMES HE HAS LOVELY IDEAS ABOUT HOW A THING MIGHT PLAY BEST AND AT WHAT SIZE. I GET THE SENSE HE HAS A REALLY VIVID PICTURE IN HIS MIND'S EYE AND THAT'S SO HELPFUL BECAUSE IT REFERS TO THE TECHNICAL PART OF OUR JOB. IT'S A PRIVILEGE TO BE 'LOST IN THE CHARACTER' BUT THERE IS A SPECIFIC TECHNICAL PART OF HOW SOMETHING COMMUNICATES AND I THINK HE IS REALLY GOOD AT THAT.

EM: THAT'S SO INTERESTING. I DO TRY TO TAKE THAT INTO CONSIDERATION WITH FRAME SIZES AND WHAT TO PLAY UP AND PLAY DOWN. IT'S ALL A BIG LEARNING CURVE, ISN'T IT?