#donna gets parenting practice by helping to take care of this weird little kid (and is later so so thankful that rose (noble) is. normal.

[quietwingsinthesky]

combining little amelia pond in the tardis with the tardis family au and trying to figure out which members would be pro and against child endangerment.

[undertheknightwing]

about your au with dick being gar's biological father do you have any hcs with kid gar with his aunt donna and dawn or uncle hank

headcanons? *drops a huge stack of paper* DO I EVER but so we're not here all day I'll go with a few

let's start with everyone's favorite aunt

-since Gar's mom wasn't around Donna decides very quickly that she'll take her place by helping her little brother raise his kid but ya know as an aunt. Gar never thought Donna was his real mom because his animalistic powers sensed she wasn't from the moment he met her but he loves her like one despite the fact.

-Compared to Dick, Donna would have been the fun parent. Dick is a great parent but is kind of over cautious which is normal for a new parent of course but Donna had to keep him from not wrapping a very adventurous young Gar in bubble wrap. Donna would take Gar to the park and 'let him 'go free' as she called it because Gar needs to expend energy or kid is not sleeping. She keeps an eye on him but mostly lets him do his own thing as she takes photos, if there's a problem she'll step in. Dick is not a fan of that and when Gar got hurt, Dick and Donna got into an argument. Dick thinking Donna is too carefree and Donna protesting saying Dick is too worrisome and that kids get hurt, it happens and Dick is over reacting to something that's not even that big of a deal. Which led to Dick saying some things that made them stop talking to each other. They patched it up quickly though and understood where each other were coming with their views.

-When she could, Donna took Gar to her art showings. Everyone thought he was adorable. And in this au's version of 1x8, Gar goes with Dick to Donna's recent art showing hoping it'd help him forget about the asylum, after they split up from Kory and Rachel, and everyone at the showing almost dropped their drinks in surprise when they saw how big (and green) Gar has gotten. Poor kid was practically ambushed with all the "you've gotten so big" "how old are you now?" "I remember when you were this tall "how many years has it been?" he got.

-Little Gar was pretty upset when Dick told him they were moving out of Donna's apartment and into their own home so Donna promised to stay over one weekend out of every month and she does. Those were Gar's favorite days because of all the fun things they did like movie nights and going out to dinner, all three of them again. The family felt complete.

-Can't deny that Donna might have gotten jealous when Kory begin to mother Gar. For her it was like watching another woman trying to parent a child she raised and acting like they were the one who did. Like "Excuse me?? I stayed up all night with that kid when he was a baby so my brother could sleep and helped him for almost nine years. Me. Not you." But as we know, Donna and Kory become friends. So it's all good.

alright onto the pigeons

-Hank thought Dick was joking when he said he's naming his kid Garfield and even laughed "Dick must be keeping the weird names in the family". Dick wasn't joking and Hank lovingly nicknamed Gar 'Garf' and when Gar's hair turned green 'green bean' matching Dawn's 'jellybean' nickname for Gar when he was younger.

-Since they were closer than Donna driving wise, Dick would leave Gar with Hank and Dawn when he'd go away for work and before he'd leave he would very sternly tell Hank and Dawn to not go out while Gar was under their care. Something Gar didn't understand until what would be season 1 where he learns Dick is Robin and Hank and Dawn are a superhero teamed named Hawk and Dove. A very angsty moment in the au tbh.

-As he got older, Gar didn't really like staying with Hank and Dawn very much. Hank went from being fun to laying around and asking Gar to get him a beer while Dawn was too busy with her own work to even have a conversation with him throughout the day. She used to make them cute lunches like sandwiches cut into hearts and watch tv together. Not anymore. He mostly stays on the roof, watching the doves and waiting for Dick to come back and is very excited to go home when he does. Dick might be a little boring when it comes to a few things but he will never be as boring at Hank and Dawn.

I'mma leave it there but my asks are always open for more au questions! ❤️

also since the whole Jericho thing didn't happen, in this au there's uncle Garth as well 🐬 he's away though and Gar doesn't see him a lot

[sometimes-i-write-4-you]

Hey! I was wondering if you could do promt #3 for Hyde x reader? (Love your story telling btw)

I (fake) love you - Steven Hyde x reader

a\n: this somehow ended up as a fake dating au but i’m not mad

trigger warnings: cursing, weed mentioning, Hyde and reader are pretending to “do it” as Kelso would say, i’d say it has some angst and fluff but nithing too extreme.

I was always good at reading people. Normally, I could talk to someone for 5 minutes and know everything there is to know about them, for example, the first time I met Michael Kelso, I knew immediately he’s dependable, loyal and likes to be pushed around. Most people thinks it’s his lack of smarts that makes it easy to manipulate him, but the truth is he just seeks attention, he grew up in such a big family, and as just another sandwich kid, he never got that much attention. He’s more than just a good-looking, brainless goofball.

Eric Forman? Smart kid, heart of gold. His father crashed his self esteem and his belief he has no worth sunk so deep into his brain he’s not even trying to prove it wrong. He’s not just a nerdy smart-ass, too bad he’s scared of his potential.

Donna Pinciotti is the girl who will go far. She’ll make history, i can tell you that. She is passionate, and she will not hesitate to fight over what she sees right, yet will admit if she did you wrong. She grew up in a loving family overall, but she doesn't want to end up like her dad: rich, lazy and stuck in a small town. She’s a big city kind of girl.

Fez is sweet, desperate and eats candy to cope with his loneliness. He’s not afraid of his feminine side, and cares about his looks in a different way then Kelso. He might be weird, and have a tendency to say the most inappropriate things, but he never looks to hurt someone or make them uncomfortable, he just wants to feel loved.

Jackie Burkhart was a bit harder to crack, and her first impression on me was semi-wrong. I could tell she’s more than a spoiled brat, I just didn’t know if it’s in a good way - like, she might be smart and kind, with a broken point of view in the world but she’s willing to look at it from a different point of view. On the other hand, she could be a mean, spoiled brat who’s going to succeed big time by manipulating the hell out of everything around her. Turns out it’s a little bit of both - she’s kind, and she learns the world is not all glitter and unicorns, but she manipulates to get things her way. At least she doesn't make a fuss when she doesn't get what she wanted. Well, not as much.

With all that, there was still one mystery in the little group I found myself a part of: Steven Hyde.I could not tell you a thing about him. I knew the basics - his name, the fact his parents are not there, and that he likes weed, beer and Zeppelin. He hid every sign of emotions behind sarcasm, and had walls taller than anyone i’ve ever met.

I started hanging out with them when I moved here. Kelso made a move on me the second he saw me, and he still tries to this day, but it’s obvious our relationship is strictly platonic and it’s not going to change, even though he thinks it’s better. One time I jokingly agreed and he said, and I quote, “ew, no, you’re like a sister to me”, but he keeps on making sexual advances on me for the sake of the joke.

I quickly befriended the rest of the guys (and girls), and even though i learned to love all of them, there was someone i really loved. Not Kelso, he’s practically my brother, it was Hyde i was so into, but i can’t tell you why. Maybe it was his sense of humor, maybe it was his kind heart or maybe it was the challenge.

“Hey, (y\n), penny for your thoughts?” Donna said, breaking the silence. The TV was on, but it was clear my head is somewhere else. “She’s thinking ‘bout Hyde” Kelso was quick to tease. “Shut up” I growled at him, and suddenly everyone’s focus was on me. Hyde wasn’t there, Kelso might have zero tact, but he would never throw me under the bus, cause he knows i will get into the bus and run over him. It was me and him on the couch, and Donna and Eric across from each other on the chairs as a way to avoid them making out instead of hanging out with their friends. “(y\n), do you want to tell us something?” Eric asks. “I- no, it’s stupid. Kelso is stupid, remember the time he ate a blueberry on a field trip and it ended up being the poisneus one we were warned about when we arrived?” i said, hoping it will drive the attention to tease him and not me. “Oh, that was funny, but not as funny as the time he revealed you have a crush on Hyde” Donna said, “but good try”. I sighed. “Look, it’s not like i’m in love with him or something, he’s just a mystery I want to solve. A mystery with a kind smile and great sense of humor. Look, it’s nothing, Kelso is just obsessed with the idea his best friends will date” i said. “oh, Tell them what you told me, come on! It was hilarious” Kelso said, ignoring the last part of my confession, and when I refused he decided to share my words he did it himself. “God, Kelso, his voice is so hot, i can listen to him for hours even if it’s just the stupid car that runs on water non-sense” He said, immitating a high-pitched voice that didn’t really sound like mine. “That is not what i said” i tried to redeem myself, but Eric and Donna were too busy laughing to hear me. “I just said he’s voice is calming” I kept trying.

“Who’s voice?” Hude asked as he jumped over the couch and took the open spot next to me. “Y-” Kelso started, but i hit his chest, “-our mama” he changed the ending of the word, “BURN!”. “I was talking about the weather guy” I made up, but did I lie? “You’re so weird, man” Hyde sighed, stretching and leaving his hand on the couch. “Well, kelso, we have this thing, you coming?” Donna said, “with Jackie, the double date i can’t believe i agreed to”. Kelso looked confused, “it’s tomorrow”. “No, it’s today” Eric insisted, winking at him and nudging his head at me and hyde. “What? Jackie is going to kill me-” “we won’t tell her you forgot” Donna plays along. I saw right through the act, but kelso really thought he forgot. 

He left the basement along with Eric and donna.It wasn’t the first time me and Hyde we’re alone, but usually it was Kelso ditching me and Hyde when the three of us hung out to try and get a girl to sleep with. I’m telling you, one day he’ll get someone pregnant.

“What’s with them?” Hyde sighed and got up to get a popsicle. “Who fucking knows?” i replied, trying to think of a way to change the subject. “You saw how Eric pointed at us? Like what, are they trying to get us alone?” Hyde continued, handing me a popsicle as he sat down. “I- yeah” i admitted, “Kelso has this crazy idea, he wants us to date cause we’re both his best friends or something” i explained, leaving out the part i was on board with the idea, and the fact that it was originally mine. “Oh, we should totally prank them!” Hyde said, “like, let’s pretend to date and be the most annoying couple ever”. I looked at him confused. “Like, we can use cutest couple names, ditch them to be alone or just make out in their face constantly” his smile got wider and wider, and I can't say no to that smile. “Sure, yeah, could be fun”.

The next day, I walked in the basement wearing your favourite outfit, ready to annoy the heck out of my friend. The moment you entered the room, Hyde got up and pulled you onto a hug. “Hey, lover boy” I said, kissing him on the lips. We had to practice doing that without laughing. We kissed like, 10 times yesterday when we planned the prank, his reply kept breaking us and we had to do it again. “Hi, apple pai” he said, kissing me one more time. Everyone looked at each other, exchaging “what the fuck?”s with their eyes. Hyde placed his hand on my waist and walked me to the couch, “Steven!” I laughed when he picked me up in bridal style and sat down, resting me in his lap.  “God, babe, you look so hot today” Hyde said, sliding his hand down my side, settling on a not too sexual but not that friendly spot on my thigh. It was all planned, and fake, but the blush on my cheeks was as real as it gets. “Well, lover, I wanted to dress up for you” I said, fidgeting with the collar of his shirt. “Uh, guys, what’s going on?” Jackie was the first to speak. “Oh, well, yesterday Kelso, Eric and Donna, pulled a little trick to get me and Hyde together, and it worked” I smiled. “Yeah, guys, thank you so much for helping me get with the most beautiful girl in the world” Hyde agreed, looking at me through his rosy sunglasses. I took them from him. “Hey!” he said, but before he got them back I put them on. I slide them down my nose and look up to him. “That was hot, so i’ll let it slide this time” he said, taking the glasses off of my face. The script we wrote was absolutely perfect.

The days have passed, and soon they turned into weeks, and our little show kept going.  I’ll admit, kissing Hyde and ditching the gang to hang out with him (we pretended to leave for a different reason, tho), the fake double dates… it was fun. The longer we pretended to date, the more our couple-y behavior stuck with us, like, one time we met up for a pretend-date and he kissed me when he saw me. I kissed him back, it just felt natural. We got a good laugh out of it, but it happened more than once. I knew I had to ask him to stop this, because my feelings kept growing but he had none, plus I know he kept fooling around cause i’ve seen girls flirting with him, and they always left together.

We were in his room now, pulling another trick. “Oh, lover, yes” i called, trying to sound as breathless as i can. “Oh, buttercup, you're soooo hot” Hyde called, and jumped on his bed, making it creek. I had to really hold my laugh as I joined him.

“Oh, babe, you’re so good” I called, adding some moans in between words. “Nice” he whispered. We heard the door knob being messed with. Hyde was quick to push me down on the bed. He took off his shirt, hinting me to do the same as we got under the sheets. He got on top of me and pushed his lips against mine just as Michael opened the door.

“Dude!’ Steven called and pulled the covers over us as he fell on his back next to me. “Dude, we can hear you, that’s so gross. You two are-” Michael started. “Well, you can just take your hangout somewhere else, Kelso” i said, throwing the first thing I could grab in his face. It was my shirt. “Yeah, we are kind of in the middle, man” Hyde said. The moment Kelso left, Hyde and I started laughing like crazy.

“That was..” i said as he got up. “Yeah, i’m so good” he said, mimicking my breathless voice. “K, give me my shirt back” i said, trying not to look at his bare chest, and not luckily, he was already putting on his shirt.  He went up to the door. “Kelso took it” Hyde said, grining. “Well, shit” I sighed, but he had a solution. “Take this” he said, and tossed me a Led Zeppelin shirt. “Thank you, lover boy” I said, staying under the covers. He looked at me, waiting. “Well, turn around, creep” i said, laughing. “As your boyfriend-” he started, but gave up when his eyes met mine, “fine”. He turned around, allowing me to put on his shirt. “You can look now” I said, fixing the shirt. “How do i look?” I asked. “So hot, buttercup” he replied, smirking and wrapping his hands around my waist and kissing me, forgetting that we are not actually dating. “Hyde, we need to break up” the words slip out of my mouth.

“what ? why?” he asked, “i mean, this is the best prank i ever pulled, and the most enjoyable” he said, his lips stretch into his familiar smirk. “Because-” i tried, but couldn’t come up with a good reason other than the truth. “I mean, you have to admit it’s fun” he said, his hands still around my waist. “Well, yeah, but not for the reason you think” i say, and the confused look in his eyes hurts me. “I- Hyde, this is.. Look, I know you’re sleeping around and that’s gonna blow our cover ``I finally find an answer, “you don’t want your friends to think you’re a cheater”. He looked even more confused. “(y\n), i haven’t touched any other girl since we started... this” he replies, pointing at me and at him. “But i saw you-” I insisted. “I couldn’t, every single time” he admits. Taking the sunglasses resting on his cabinet and putting them on. “Why would you do that? You really expect me to think a horny teenager gave up making out, possibly more, with really hot girls because of what? He’s fake dating a random girl?” I laugh sadly. “No, god, (y\n), you are not some random girl” he says, resting his hands on my arms. “Why-” “because i love you!”.

I don’t know who was more surprised at his words - him or me. We stayed quiet. “Are you- are you gonna say anything?” he broke the silence. “How about i’ll do something instead?” i said, taking a step closer to him. As I moved closer, I placed my hands around his neck. “What are yo-” he tried to ask, but I pulled myself up and connected our lips. Even though we kissed before, this time it was different. His lips moved against mine in a mix of relife, passion and love. He tasted like mint, orange flavoured popsicle and weed. “I forgot to mention, I love you too” I said, breaking the kiss. “Whatever man” he said, re-connecting our lips.

[deathly-shipper]

Yes absolutely I want to hear about your Hogwarts au

why, my dear sirs, madams and variations thereupon, thank you for your interest!

(fair warning, this is going to be a long ass post because I have FEELINGS about this ship and this au okay??)

- Donna is muggleborn, but you'd be dead wrong if you think she's going to let anyone make fun of her because of that.

-When she was six her mother told her they weren't going on holiday that year, so off she went to the nearest bus stop and got on the Knight Bus. As if anyone involved in that mad acid trip of a bus would bat an eye to a child climbing on the bus alone, so they merely asked where she wanted to go and little Donna just went "Strathclyde!". Her family found her hours later with the help of the muggle police.

- Her first big show of accidental magic was when she was seven. The other kids at school were making fun of her hair, she got so mad that she turned all the other kids ginger too. Trust her to make others see the other side of things.

- So! Fast forwarding to when she's eleven, one ordinary morning Donna and her family are having breakfast, as you do, and someone knocks at the door. Lo and behold it's Professor McGonagall (seriously considered Snape, just because it would be so entertaining to see him explain the magic world to Donna's family, imagine Sylvia Noble talking to Snape.)

-She explains everything to the family; yes Donna is a witch, she has a place in Hogwarts, no Mrs Noble, tuition is free, etc etc.

- Sylvia is obviously the sceptic "magic isn't real!", Wilf may or may have not done a little dance of happiness, Geoffrey is a little too stunned to speak and Eileen (Donna's Nan) is the only sensible mind in this, bless her.

- The first thing that comes to Donna's mind when she is told she can go to Hogwarts is "So I won't have to go to school with Nerys anymore?" After being told that no, you won't have to, she's just a little bundle of joy, I mean, who wouldn't be when discovering you can do magic?

- Moving on, everything is explained, magic is real and a trip to Diagon Alley is scheduled for the next week!

- Now Ten! Ten is from a pureblood family, but currently the only members of said family are him and his older brother, Braxiatel. Their parents died in the first war against Voldemort.

- Ten spent the majority of his life inside the family's property, so he turned to books for his escape. He particularly likes astronomy, history and magical creatures.

- He hasn't got any friends, the only children his age he ever met are the other pureblood kids, and let's be honest, they aren't much like him, poor lad.

- He meets Donna in Diagon Alley when shopping for books, and when I say meet I mean he almost fell on top of her. She gives him hell for it of course, but they manage to get a conversation going about Hogwarts.

- They go their separate ways and both spend the rest of the summer holidays thinking about that weird kid they met on Diagon Alley.

- September the First arrives and they meet again at King's Cross. Donna's whole family has come to drop her off, of course, and Ten and Brax meet them at the platform.

- Brax explains to them how to get to platform nine and three quarters and goes first to demonstrate. Donna is scared, what if it doesn't work for her? Ten senses it and ask Mr Noble if he can take his trolley for him, so he can push Donna's with her. "Together?" "Together."

- They say goodbye to their families and get on the train, and, like Harry and Ron, manage to get a compartment all to themselves. Conversation goes on about all sorts of topics, the magic world, the muggle world, Hogwarts, the houses, what do they do for fun, you know, a bit of everything.

- They arrive at the station and have to get to school by the little boats, Ten does not like the idea. Donna holds his hand to reassure him. She likes this weird boy who talks about stars and creatures so fantastical she almost doesn't believe him.

- Sorting then. They're both nervous, it is all very intimidating after all, even if the idea of a talking hat is kind of funny to Donna.

-She goes first, sits there for about four minutes. After careful deliberations the hat places her on Hufflepuff. Yes, she could have been a Gryffindor, she is very brave, BUT, she's hard working and kind and compassionate, and I feel like her bravery stems more from her wish to help others you know? and more importantly, she's loyal. so, so much, and that's what seals the deal for me.

- Ten. Now Ten, like Donna, could've been a Gryffindor, but the hat decided on Ravenclaw. STILL, that's not where he went. No, my precious boi Ten argued with the hat. He looked at Donna and saw his only friend, the fiery girl who yelled at him when they met and later held his hand when he was afraid. "I want to go with her" he said to the hat, and so he went.

- Yes, they are both in Hufflepuff. No, I don't take criticism on this. This is my au and I make the rules, Hufflepuff is a great house and anybody who thinks otherwise can get the fuck out.

- Hogwarts is not ready for this duo.

- Regarding classes; Donna loves Charms, she's best in class, Flitwick loves her. Ten likes History of Magic, but Bins is terribly boring so he and Donna study on their own. They always pair up in Potions, not the best in class, but have yet to explode a cauldron. Transfiguration is Ten's area, his family is particularly gifted in this subject. Herbology is more Donna's scene, she used to help her nan with her garden so she likes working in the greenhouses. DADA is anyone's game really, with changing professors like that. Now, they both really like flying and they are good at it. Donna joins the house team as chaser in her third year.

- Ten is the second coming of Newt Scamander. He always drags Donna down to Hagrid's hut to see what creature he has most recently acquired. Has been given detention for wandering in the Forbidden Forest. He's also probably friends with the centaurs.

- A couple years pass, the friendship grows and life is good.

- Third year, Donna "I'm good with numbers" Noble tottaly takes Arithmancy and aces it, Ten too of course. They also take Care for Magical Creatures, to Ten's absolute delight, and Divination. But they take one class with Trelawney and decide to take Ancient Runes instead.

- On their fourth year Harry Potter comes to Hogwarts.

- Donna is one second away from screaming bloody murder at Dumbledore's blatant favouritism.

- Fifth year has all that business with the Chamber of Secrets, Ten and Donna are among the few that don't think Harry is the heir.

- But then Donna gets attacked too. Ten is inconsolable, he spends every moment he can with her in hospital wing. Fortunately she is saved by the mandragora potion with the others.

- Now, in sixth year things start getting Interesting. There's this boy who is interested in Donna and she kind of is too, but she's nervous because she hasn't had her first kiss yet. She tells Ten this. He also hasn't kissed anyone yet and he has one of his Ideas. He suggests to Donna that they can be each other's first kiss. That nearly earns him a slap, but he manages to convince her before she takes action. He says that they're best friends and what are best friends for if not helping each other? So she agrees and he goes all out to make it special for her. He takes her to the Astronomy Tower one night when the stars are out and they sit looking at the sky and hold hands. They see a falling star and he tells her to close her eyes and make a wish, he kisses her then. And that my friends, is when the Pinning starts.

- Sirius Black whom???? All they can think about is that kiss.

- Not that they let that ruin their friendship.

- Also, they love Hagrid teaching, he absolutely let them fly on Buckbeak. And Buckbeak is a strong boi, he took the both of them (cue Ten holding onto to Donna's waist and she going "Hands!" but secretly liking it)

- Seventh year, this is a good one folks. This year we continue with the Pinning, yes, but we also have the Triwizard Tournament!

- They tottaly go to the Quidditch World Cup, but manage to leave before the madness start.

- Meanwhile Harry Potter is dreaming about a slightly older version of Ten and freaking the fuck out.

- Back to Hogwarts and the Tournament. Donna speaks French so she makes friends with some of the Beauxbatons girls. Also, tottaly talks well of Hagrid to Madame Maxime.

- They both put their names on the goblet.

- "And the Hogwarts Champion is Donna Noble!"

- Yep, you read that right, my girl Donna is Hogwarts Champion instead of Cedric.

- The goblet inevitably spews out Harry's name and chaos ensues. BUT, we have something different this time, we have the brilliant Donna Noble. She asks if it really is binding if Harry didn't write his own name, and not his full name at that. And it is also against the rules for a fourth school to compete, and as someone had charm the goblet into allowing a fourth school competitor it is not really valid. The teachers are convinced and Harry doesn't participate. He is eternally grateful to Donna.

- The Weasleys are the first to know about the first task, and Ron tells Harry who in turn tells Donna. He takes her to see the dragons with the invisibility cloak.

- Donna asks Magical Creature Enthusiast Ten for help and they study the dragons they have seen.

- On the actual day Donna gets the Hungarian Horntail, but she uses a spell for it to understand her instead of tricking it. She manages to tell it one of it's eggs is false and convince the dragon to give it to her. Full points for spellwork and pacific solutions.

- Magical Creature Enthusiast Ten also immediately recognises the merpeople sound from the egg, so Donna is the first to figure out her clue.

- What she doesn't know is what it is that she has to recover, but she has a plan as to how. She uses gillyweed and practices the BubbleHead spell just in case.

- But first, Yule Ball. Our continued Pinning is going on full force, but Ten realizes that if he wants to go to the Ball with Donna he has to ask NOW.

- And so he does, with more blood on his face than anywhere else. Donna is a confused but secretly hopeful. "You want to go as friends?" "No Donna, I want you to be my date." "Oh" "If you don't want to that's fine-" "I would love to" cue more blushing.

- Donna is a vision on her Ball dress, Ten is so in love.

- So they dance and laugh and generally have fun. Then Ten takes her to the Astronomy Tower again, and they kiss under the starry sky.

- Back to the tasks then.

- Of course it is Ten waiting to be rescued at the bottom of the lake.

- Donna is the first to get there, but, like Harry, she helps the others too. Still first place though, my girl is efficient like that.

- Ten and Donna cuddle for warmth after getting out of the lake, of course.

- Third Task, the maze. Donna ends up saving Fleur and having to fight Krum. She almost doesn't make it to the cup.

- Moody had to change plans and kidnap Harry since he wouldn't be competing in the Tournament. So Harry is in the graveyard, Voldemort returns, yada yada.

- But they didn't account for Donna getting there too. She arrives during the fight and saves Harry.

- So Donna is Triwizard Champion!

- and Voldemort is back, which is a bummer.

- Ten and Donna graduate and start travelling the world with a blue suitcase that is bigger on the inside and that's all I have for now, thank you for reading!

[haltandcatchfiretothemax]

It's cool cos we're like, adventurers: Cameron and Donna go about things differently than they normally would in "Adventure", or, a H&CF recap

The fifth episode of Halt and Catch Fire is named for a computer game that everyone (or, a good portion of the Cardiff staff) gets sucked into; in the end, the coders who cheated/re-coded (?) their way through the game are the only ones who get to keep their jobs. It is Peak Halt and Catch Fire Metaphor, in this case for an episode where our main characters are initiating or escalating a different sort of game, and finding out what kind of players they are. J*e toys with his father (and also Bos, who only has one scene in this ep?), unwilling and also not really able to see him, and vacillates between behaving as obnoxiously as his father does and trying to be a better, kinder type of executive. Gordon steps out of his hardware geek comfort zone and attempts to wine and dine his father-in-law and Japanese executives, and it works out in the end, but just barely, and because he begs for help. Ultimately, both seem to recognize their limits.

Donna gets very little screen time in this episode, and most of it is with Hunt, of all people (RosaDiazEyeroll DOT GIF). Her parents are all over this episode, though they interact more with Gordon, and the way Donna gets eclipsed feels significant. When we do see her she's making French toast for her father's birthday, or making peach pies for her parents' barbeque. Ever the perfect wife, she even buys her father a putter and tells him it's from Gordon. All of this elaborately sets up Gordon's arc, in which he decides his p.c. is worth asking his douche of a father-in-law for a round of golf so he can ask him to set up a meeting executives from a Japanese tech company.

By contrast, Donna's scenes with Hunt are one-on-one, with no major professional stakes. Echoing J*e's evil boss act, Hunt yells at Donna for not submitting the right report, and then after she explains that the report is under a supplemental report, he snaps at her for not putting the report he wanted on top. Let that sink in -- Hunt yelled at Donna because he's so entitled and incompetent that he couldn't shuffle through a stack of papers; again, how is he her boss? (LOL jk I know how, it starts with a 'p' and ends with 'atriarchy') -- but later he calls her at home to talk about it, just after Donna has hung up on a drunk Gordon who's panicking about offending the Japanese executives. (Which sounds mean, but anyone who's been paying attention can see where Donna would be tired of having to endlessly listen to and reassure Gordon.) Hunt compliments her work and her efforts, and then he apologizes for taking his frustration out on her. They have a weird conversation about 'peach pie' (…..), and because Donna is so starved for halfway decent conversation with a vaguely grown up, emotionally responsible person, she gets out and ~plays her electric piano~ that night. Which sounds funny and like a cheesy, too on the nose metaphor, but this is one of the first times we see Donna by herself, not doing some kind of domestic labor, and it's when she starts to lean into and enjoy the tension between her and Hunt.

It seems like Cameron is always doing what Donna wishes she could do (as in, what Donna wishes she could do professionally, not in terms of 'piano playing'…), and this episode is no different. Cameron spends most of "Adventure" assertively claiming credit for her work, arguing with coworkers, and figuring out how to get herself promoted. She comes back from a business trip (which she understandably worries was another of J*e's set ups, even without really knowing what happened in the previous episode) to an office full of new people and a short lecture on how corporate and tech culture don't accommodate anxious introverts who'd rather do all the coding on their own so that they don't have to try to communicate with other human beings. She goes directly from the lecture to The Kill Room where Gordon and his team are coming up with the most ridiculously cliche geek culture names for her code. "Excuse me? I wrote the BIOS. I name it. Lovelace." After she reminds them that Ada Lovelace was the first computer programmer ever, they test the BIOS and it turns on. They pop champagne and congratulate themselves; Cameron skulks out without a word before they can offer her some, though she probably would've had to demand that from them, too, to get any.

In the following scenes Cameron struggles to adjust to having a new boss, fellow coders, and, as America's Next Top Model Host Tyra Banks might put it, not being the prettiest girl at school anymore. Meaning, Cameron isn't the only young misfit software writer at the office anymore, and it's both inconvenient and genuinely emotionally challenging for her. The writers and Mackenzie Davis quietly add considerable depth to an already compelling character here, addressing and unpacking a lot of gripes that unsympathetic viewers continue to have about Cameron. We see her interact successfully, if awkwardly with Lev and especially Yo-yo, who invites her to a group hang, and she hesitates; so yeah, she's anti-social, but she's also scared, and seems like she really isn't used to people not judging or looking down on her.

She interacts far less successfully with her new boss, and yeah, she doesn't respond well to authority -- but with how both the boss and J*e treat her ("no need to get your panties in a wad"; "If I've given you the impression that because of this thing we've got going on that you're entitled to special treatment…") , she frankly has good reason to not trust them. (And yeah, I'm gonna be That Bitch and point out that neither of them would have spoken to a male employee that way.) And yes, Cameron in an entitled young white woman (though lets be real, no one would be calling a white boy genius entitled), but she also is apparently qualified, it's just that she has to be unattractively forward about showing it. File under: Before You Write Cameron Howe Off As An Unlikeable Brat.

Of course all of this sets up Cameron's unexpected meeting with J*e Sr., which is surprisingly satisfying despite being miserable and uncomfortable. We see a retread of the pilot scene where J*e figured out that the way to get to her is to paternally and warmly praise her work; Cameron is characteristically ~sassy~ with J*e Sr. until he tells her, "When my guys came back to New York they couldn't stop talking about this prodigy named Cameron Howe!" She's skeptical, and then he says, "They said you're the modern Ada Lovelace." Boom. In the next scene they're having drinks. It's going fine and Cameron is adorably geeking out over how J*e Sr. worked with Grace Hopper until he figures out that Cameron's father was killed in action while serving as a helicopter crew chief in Vietnam. Anyone who's lost a parent who actually took care of them feels Cameron's reaction. She excuses herself, and J*e Sr. smiles unctuously. Because of course he’s been playing her.

Cameron figures it out though, and it results in her eventual triumph. Or well, she mostly figures it out -- she uses her very real grief to act all wounded and emotional and pump J*e Sr. for more information, before calling him out on trying to manipulate her into convincing J*e to see him. I'm pretty sure J*e Sr. was trying to poach her because it would hurt J*e, and that Cameron is still underestimating just how comfortable they are with turning people into pawns. She gets what she needs, though, and the following day she uses her rarely seen practical knowledge to dazzle J*e into giving her her boss' job; in effect, she figures out the (corporate bro) code, and rewrites it into her promotion. Cameron is slowly learning what someone like Donna already knows about corporate structures and dealing with male upper management. Now they just gotta figure out how to not sublimate their ambitions into pesky crushes on the upper management!

Stray bytes:

I love how all we see of Cameron's business trip is her spending Cardiff's money on hotel amenities. #incharacter I still have weird feelings about her not knowing what a concierge is, though

The opening montage is brutal though, did you see J*e trying to put on his shoe? Reminder that yes, he's an out of control abuser, but that J*e was the victim of p*lice violence/brutality. The beating he got in the previous episode was no joke.

J*e, who lied his way into a company, forced it do his bidding, and nearly destroyed it, calling Cameron 'entitled': L M A O

Today in "Oh my G-D Gordon STFU": "I'm not the one screwing Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!" You're not in a position to judge anyone's sanity OR sex life, GORDON, also just accept that Cameron is WAY OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE AND WOULD NEVER DATE YOU

How do we feel about how the show portrays the Japanese executives? Total Orientalist-type nightmare, or am I being overly-critical?

The storyline with the Japanese and their apparently strict corporate etiquette is very Mad Men, which is fine with me, tbh

"Donna was right, you're all hat and no cattle!" Speaking of which, Gordon is officially Halt's Pete Campbell/white dude who has ridiculous sounding outbursts, right? ("Hell's bells, Trudy!" "Not great, Bob!" "It's a shameful, SHAMEFUL DAY!")

As much as Gordon annoys me, his in-laws are terrible to him. Like, Susan really believed the putter was from Gordon? Gary thought Gordon wanted to spend time with him?! W T F. RICH WH*TE PEOPLE ARE SO WEIRD.

Compare Cameron's 'I name the BIOS' with Donna's facetious, "Don't you mean Susan Fairchild?"

According to the internet, a helicopter crew chief's primary job is to maintain the helicopter itself. Cameron's dad was basically a helicopter mechanic, which makes so much sense, if anyone needs me I will be tearing up over the idea of Cameron coping with her grief by taking apart computers as a kid

"You're both disgusting." Cameron Howe, Computer Programmer, Game Designer, and Misandrist

Steve, on Cameron: "She's got a real attitude problem." #THATSMYGIRL

The scene near the end where J*e seems to quietly panic at the idea of Cameron meeting his father. This…is textbook childhood abuse stuff. Just saying.

I'm just gonna say it, ICYMI: petition to make 'playing her electric keyboard' a common euphemism for female masturbation

‘It’s cool cos we’re like, adventures’: Be Your Own Pet, also fronted by a bratty, skinny, Southern bleached blonde known for heckling her own openers actually wrote a song called “Adventurers” back in 2006. How weird is that?!

[figjelly]

Dear Therapist.

Every Wednesday (except for the last Wednesday of the month), I write my therapist. I’ll post them here. I’ve been working with this therapist for three years, seeing her once a week. Recently, I decided I wanted to try to reduce my number of visits to once a month but I wanted check-ins. We agreed I could email her. Trigger warnings for everything under the fucking sun for these posts. If you don’t want to be sad, please click this link. Read more after the cut:

Isn't weird how I'm distressed that I didn't write you yesterday? I've sort of let everything fall apart after Wednesday last week. The climate at the office has completely fallen apart and I've given up on caring about it. For the rest of this week and next, my supervisor has outsourced me to every other office. Not that they have much to give me. So, I decided to just spend this week sitting around, getting paid by the hour to barely work and exist in an office that is a dumpster fire. Back when I was working horrible dishwasher job at the retirement community, Daft Punk had just come out the summer of 2013 Random Access Memories, their first album in six years (well, not the FIRST because in 2011 they did the OST for Tron: Legacy, a movie which ended up being a music video for Daft Punk's music for the movie. I was, of course, fine with this.). Anyway, not the point. R.A.M. was inspired by the music of late 70s and early 80s (primarily disco era). So, during horrible time as dishwasher, I listened to R.A.M. religiously. Track #3 is "Giorgio by Moroder" which is spoken word and disco house. Spoken word by whom? Giovanni Giorgio Moroder, pioneer of Italian Disco and Electronic House. During the disco era, he produced a LOT of Donna Summers singles (which is how I was introduced to him, my home filled with a weird mix of abuse and escapist music). In "Giorgio by Moroder," Moroder recounts his early life to the listener: "When I was fifteen, sixteen when I started really to play the guitar  I definitely wanted to become a musician It was almost impossible because the dream was so big I didn't see any chance because I was living in a little town, I was studying And when I finally broke away from school and became I musician I thought "well I may have a bit of a chance"Because all I every wanted to do is music but not only play music But compose music At that time, in Germany, in 1969-70, they already had discotheques So I would take my car and go to a discotheque and sing maybe 30 minutes I think I had about 7-8 songs. I would partially sleep in the car Because I didn't want to drive home and that help me for about almost 2 years to survive..."

I listened to that on the way to horrible dishwasher job and on the way home. It's all I'd ever wanted in life--struggling and taking something day by day to become THE name in my passions. Whatever those were. Are. Who knows. I'm putting this time in my life under sleeping in the car while driving back and forth between home and a discotheque in another country. I'm just doing this to survive. In the meantime, I'm working on where I want to be. I think. Of course, I still get hung up on "You should have just started working on this when you were younger." And then I remember my high school art teacher. I can't remember if I've told you the story. No one knew how to help in in high school the way no one knew to help me in college or grad school. In high school, I took four years of art on top of accelerated math and science classes. I think I met with my guidance counselor once in the four years I was in high school and it was to help find scholarship opportunities. It is not lost on me that my guidance counselor never took me aside for my bloody lips or bruises. I made good grades and seemed okay. That was all anyone needed, I guess. My art teacher was kind. I loved him and my art classes. He never seemed terribly interested in fostering or supporting me. A few other students he'd spend time suggesting sketchbooks or asking about their process. I think he just felt sorry for me. Especially after I went to foster care. He never quite cared about what I was doing. But then, last year of high school, he asked me what I would major in. I was so excited to answer, "Art!" And then That Look(TM) crossed his face. The "wrong answer" look. He said, "I don't think that's really a good fit for you." When I die, someone is going to say something about how I finally "found my peace." And then I'll revive my corpse and scream at everyone that I'm tired to people telling me what is good for me or whether I've gotten something or just... anything. I want people to listen, not talk at me about me. High school me reasoned he knew better than me and that he was right. When I got older, I was angry with him for being so callous. Then, two days ago, I was speaking with my writer friend from Maine--he goes by Sabes--and we were talking about art teachers who've failed us (his experience was an art teacher in college who told him he drew the wrong things--he dropped out of college and it weighs heavily on him). He said that our art teachers were shitty because they were bitter about being stuck working jobs as teachers and that was the source of their ugliness. I didn't argue but it didn't sound right for my art teacher. My art teacher told us a story once in class one day about how he came to be there. His father had worked in a factory. His brother too. He never wanted to end up there. And, yet, years later, there he was in the same type of coveralls with same name in big letters embroidered over his heart. He never told us the details together, but in a separate instance, he told our class about how his brother died of a drug overdose. I think his brother's death is what pushed him to finally go to college and pursue what he loved. He never said so, but that's what I think. That's how much he loved art. I don't think he was ever bitter about teaching us. He loved it. I think he thought he was trying to help me. And, to be honest, I didn't know what I wanted out of life either. An art major just didn't seem to fit the narrative I'd been building for myself. Foster kid ends up valedictorian with a full-ride scholarship? That kid good at all sorts of math and science classes? That kid in practically every volunteer and club group there was (that her parents allowed her to stay in)? No, art school isn't part of that story. So, now I'm not angry anymore. And I hate it. I hate knowing most of my life was probably guided by well-meaning people doing the best they could. That's a more horrible story than finding out everyone was out to hurt me or hold me back on purpose. At least then there are clear-cut villains and I know for certain I'm not a background character--in that case I'm the protagonist who is trying to get to my goal and things are keeping me from it. That's plot and conflict and interesting. Instead, my story is boring. It's boring because it's like everyone else's. Literally, my worst nightmare is realizing that I'm just like everyone else. I'm not. I know I'm not. But it doesn't quite seem like it's shaping up that way, especially working in this stupid, maddening office. I'm mediocre. That's a horrifying reality to be living right now. All my life, I thought at least I'd be striving towards something, sleeping in my car while driving from Italy to Germany and back to reach what I was always meant for. Maybe I'm just discovering that I'm not part of that group. I'm part of a larger mass that is meant to wake up and have routines for years on end. My weekly highlights are wondering when the tv shows I like airs. A popular question that I'm asked often: "Watching anything good?" I want to answer, "Yes. I've got an exclusive, private view of a show called My Life and it is on 24/7. I get to watch this person's life fall apart one second at a time while they labor under the pervasive delusion that they're going to mean something in the world. I already know how it'll end but I keep watching anyway because no one gave me a choice otherwise." Instead, I answer, "American Horror Story is back. I enjoy how campy it is." Until next week.