#where's that post i made about people getting offended on other people's behalf

[myfandomrealitea]

Cripple is a slur. Please don't use it if you're able bodied

I have repeatedly stated that I am disabled.

[cowgirlcasanova]

I made the mistake of clicking on a link to a reddit thread about abigail marston.

the way the men on there talk about her makes me physically feel sick. the names they call her, the way they describe her and john’s relationship, the way they constantly bring up her past in a negative way.

They seem to lack any and all artistic thinking skills. to me, one of the main points of media and art is how you’re supposed to analyze and discover the things they aren’t outright said. You have to dig a little deeper, you have to actually think. The people on that godforsaken website seem to just not have/be able to do that!

abigail was a prostitute. yes, we all know this men of reddit and it’s okay! please shut up about it!!!!

she was also an orphan, even worse for the time, an orphaned girl. she had little to no opportunities in the world she was born into. EVEN JOHN KNOWS THIS. “she’s a woman in a man’s world” and they act personally offended on johns behalf. john was an orphan too, i can promise you he understands how hard it is to survive and he doesn’t look down on her! Not that it even begins to matter if john or anyone else “understands” her reasoning for her choice of survival. It doesn’t. it simply matters that abigail was incredibly strong throughout that time of her life and rest. she survived and did whatever she could to and that is to be appreciated.

These men seem to have this one single idea that “abigail was prostitute so john thought baby not his cause so many men 🤓” SHUT. UP. no actually that was so much more actually john not ready to be a father and being afraid of himself!!!! honestly speaking, the entirety of that situation has very little to do with abigail herself. but no they’ll never understand that because it was written out in black and white and you may have to think a little to get to that conclusion. not to mention, they could never accept it because then john marston wouldn’t be as “alpha” BE QUIET IM BEGGING YOU.

the way they discuss abigail and uncle made my skin crawl. there is nothing else said about that relationship, there is no one specific cannon explanation as to how or why they knew each other. but the men i saw discussing it said such disgusting and vulgar things about how uncle “reallyyy knew abigail”. truly horrifying. There’s so many different ways they could’ve crossed paths. she was a prostitute but that’s not all she was. she was still a woman, a person. i can assure you she had other hobbies and activities that she did, that she enjoyed doing.

not to mention how it seems to be such an odd and disgusting fantasy for them that “everyone in the gang had abigail” i hate to break it to you but no they didn’t! Now this is up for debate for a lot of people and i actually want to make an entire post just dedicated to this. When looking at both instances where that was said, it was purposely said to hurt john and throw him off. not to mention, abigail was never around when it was said. There wasn’t an instance of anyone saying it in camp or even throwing an insult to john about it in rdr2. hmmm i wonder why that is????? Bill said it to make him stumble and dutch said it because he knows john and he knows how to hit him where it hurts. But, i don’t think any of it is true. of course no internet bro is going to actually think into enough to even be curious so!

abigail marston is someone to be admired. someone who persevered as much as any man in that gang but she doesn’t get the same appreciation. she probably had to work just as hard if not harder than some of the men just to stay alive in her youth. Abigail marston is not a nag, she’s not annoying, she’s not “mean” to john. take a step back and look at what she’s responding to and give her the same grace you give arthur and john. “oh well arthur just had a hard time showing emotions because of the way he was raised” “oh john couldn’t deal with everything so he ran away for a little bit it’s okay.” let abigail have that same grace.

so sorry this was not meant to be this long. clearly it has been nagging at me. if you read this love you and love abigail marston!

[thelampisaflashlight]

Girls' Night

[A short blurb based on that girls' night chat post I made.]

"I'm gonna shape your brows," Cirrus says, studying Dew's face intently, licking her lips as she thinks, "other than that, I think maybe some eyeshadow?"

"Do what you gotta do." Dew shrugs, watching Cumulus and Aurora pick through the carefully curated outfits Mist has pulled from her closet in the mirror in front of him, "Not that one."

Aurora makes a disappointed noise and drops the short, demin mini skirt she was holding onto the bed, "But it's cute..."

"No, I agree with Dew," Cumulus hums, picking up a soft looking balloon skirt, "it's cold out, cute or not, we can't have our honeypot freezing his balls off."

"Been there, done that." Dew scoffs, sitting up straight when Cirrus takes hold of his face to start working on his eyebrows, "Tell me about the mark."

"He's the owner of a megachurch," Mist says, pulling a file out from under her pillow, "middle aged, married but looking if you catch my drift. Two kids from his marriage, a son and a daughter, and a couple 'little secrets' he's sending hush money to..."

"Funded by the parishioners?"

"One hundred percent!" Mist chirps amusedly, "The rest you can read yourself when Cirrus is done fixing that ugly mug of yours."

"If I didn't wanna risk losing one of these press ons, I'd get you for that." Dew says, emphasizing his point with a click of his manicured nails, then looks at them appraisingly, "I'm starting to think we should have gone with a nude shade, this red is, like, a lot..."

"That's the point-" Mist starts to say, but a knock at the door has her slipping the file back under her pillow and motioning for the others to stay still, "Who is it?"

"It's Rain."

A pause.

"Is Dew in there with you?"

Mist glances at Dew, who carefully slides out of his seat in front of the vanity and climbs into her wardrobe.

"No??" she does her best to sound offended as she opens her bedroom door, "It's girls' night, he'd stink up the room with his boy germs."

Cumulus, Cirrus, and Aurora wave from their newly assumed positions of the bed, sat around watching a video on Mist's laptop.

"Oh..." Rain pouts, "I haven't seen him all day, I'm worried."

"Aw, missing your boytoy?" Mist coos, pinching his cheek, "Pretty sure Frater Imperator stole him away to go over some documents in the archive room. Poor bastard is probably balls deep in some ancient tome transcribing some disturbed monk's ramblings."

"I do remember Copia muttering about having to redo some transcripts because of how Terzo fucked up the sorting system years ago..." Cumulus adds, and Cirrus nods in agreement.

"We have an archive room??" Aurora blinks, having genuinely not known this information before, "How have I not seen it??"

"Because it's the kind of place where if you so much as breathe wrong, someone jumps on you and accuses you of endangering hundreds of years old books." Mist says, "Only a handful of people have access, and as big of a dumbass as he is, Dew used to do archival photography and preservation work before he came here."

"Yeah, Dew's a big ol' nerd!" Cirrus laughs in the direction of the wardrobe, imagining the middle finger Dew is undoubtedly holding up behind closed doors.

"That would explain why he hasn't answered my texts..." Rain murmurs, taking his phone out of his pocket, "He gets really absorbed in that kind of stuff. Oh, I hope he remembered to eat..."

"Tell you what." Mist pats his shoulder, feeling a little bad on Dew's behalf for having to ghost his boyfriend for the sake of their mission, "If I see your man roaming the halls like a zombie later, I'll send him your way for make up cuddles and snacks."

"Would you?" Rain asks, sounding adorably hopeful, "I appreciate it!"

Another short moments of chitchat later, and Mist's door finally clicks shut, and Dew emerges from the wardrobe looking a little down about the mouth.

"I'll give it a minute and then I'll text him." Dew says, digging into the pocket of his sweatpants for his phone, "I couldn't message him while I was waxing..."

"You should send him a pic along with the text as an apology, like, 'Sorry I was so busy! Make it up to you ;)' and, boom!" Cumulus suggests, wiggling her fingers, but frowns when Dew frowns at his phone, "Aw, gumdrop, it's okay if you wanna dip and go see your boy..."

"No, it's just... I do feel bad, but I want to do this, too, and I just... I feel bad that I can't tell him what's going on." Dew rubs the back of his neck, "...Fuck it."

"Huh?"

Dew picks out a dress from the piles.

"I'm not gonna take a photo... I'm gonna make him an entire fucking album."

"Not in that you're not." Mist tuts, going through her closet again, "You need silk and lace, and a pearl necklace-"

"Mist!" Dew flusters.

"The actual kind, I think it'd pull the look together, plus, fish boy would appreciate the added details..."

"So is the plan to take the photos first and then go catch us a dirty preacher to steal his stolen relics or is this an after kind of deal?" Cirrus asks, "Because if it's an after thing, I can grab my polaroid camera and we can make it extra special for him with some physical photos."

"Can we skip the heist altogether and just take tasteful nudes of Dew? That sounds a lot more fun than robbing some crusty dude..." Aurora wonders aloud.

"No, duty calls as they say." Mist proclaims, hands on her hips, "Work first, play later, ya know."

"Aw."

[my-name-is-apollo]

Two things! 1. Thanks for reporting on Apollo, he is my favorite god by far!! 😭

2. In an old post where you talked about the type of relationship that the main gods had with each other you said that there was a lot to talk about the relationship between Zeus AND Apollo!! Can you take advantage and tell it?

I can definitely talk about Apollo and Zeus!

Basically, Apollo is Zeus' favorite, his pride and joy. I know a lot of people believe Athena is the favorite, but I say Apollo is just as beloved, if not more and I'll tell you why I think so. I'll start by putting together various myths that surround both of them.

1) Zeus' protectiveness

Starting with Apollo's (and Artemis') birth, even though Zeus didn't directly help Leto, in one version, he asked Zephyrus to carry Leto away to Poseidon, so that Poseidon could protect her. He also managed to calm down Hera by the time the twins were born.

And when later Apollo killed Python, according to Pindar, Gaia wanted to send him to tartarus. But obviously that didn't happen and we can assume that it was because Zeus intervened on his son's behalf.

In Euripides' play, there's a particularly cute segment where Apollo, as a little boy, went to Zeus, wrapped his arms around him and supplicated him to deal with Gaia who has been interfering with his oracular business. And of course Zeus agrees and makes Gaia lose her prophetic influence on mortals.

There's also a version of Coronis' tale where Ischys, the guy with whom Coronis had cheated on Apollo with, got killed by Zeus.

In the satires written by Lucian, Zeus got defensive when Momos made fun of Apollo.

Lastly, this is just my interpretation, but in stories where Zeus intervenes in a couple of fights - the Apollo vs Heracles , Apollo vs Idas - makes me feel like Zeus did it because he was overly protective of Apollo (just like did with Athena - Pallas)

2) The way Zeus appreciates Apollo

In Iphigenis in Tauris, when Apollo killed Python and took over the delphic oracle for himself, Zeus is shown to have been proud that Apollo has started serious business at such a young age.

The opening of Homer's hymn to Pythian Apollo shows us Zeus welcoming Apollo and personally pouring a drink to his son. How sweet is that :3

In another scene where Apollo is entertaining the gods, Zeus and Leto together are shown proudly watching their son (Hera is absent oop-).

In the Iliad, whenever he commands Apollo to do something, he calls him "Dear Phoebus" (I've also seen it translated as "friend Phoebus) which is very sweet and shows that Zeus is quite fond of Apollo.

And in Lucian's work, he also appreciated Apollo by telling Momos how much work his son has to do everyday, and how difficult the job is for him.

3) Zeus grants a lot of Apollo's requests

even when he's personally offended. Take the story of king Periphas, whose reputation had personally offended Zeus and he wanted to destroy the king and his entire kingdom, but when Apollo asked Zeus to not do that, he ceased from killing them. In the case of Prometheus too, Zeus agreed to free the Titan when Apollo begged for it.

When Apollo appointed Hermes as the messenger god, Zeus approved that.

He also resurrected Asclepius on Apollo's request, in spite of Apollo killing the cyclops .

And here is what sealed my belief that Apollo is no less of a favorite than Athena: once Athena was using mantic dice to give out prophecies, and Apollo was unhappy with this. He complained to Zeus about it and Zeus made dice divination inferior (and Athena just threw away the dice lol)

Now this is again my opinion, but the whole thing with "Apollo tricking the Fates into postponing Admetus' death" is quite a serious offense, but surprisingly Apollo does not get punished for that. I like to think that that's because Zeus gave him the permission for that (maybe not openly, but more discreetly).

4) Apollo has some favorite child privileges.

He is said to be sitting on the immediate right of Zeus (according to Callimachus), he gets to use Zeus' lightning bolts and the aegis too (like Athena does), and he is the only one allowed to read the will/mind of Zeus.

5) Apollo acts as Zeus' right hand man

Now this could be said of Hermes and Athena also too, but I'm pointing this out because people tend to easily forget it. In the Iliad, Zeus sent Apollo to help the Trojans, since he was secretly rooting for Troy ,in spite of taking a neutral stance, and Athena was fighting against them. He also entrusted his son Sarpedon's body to Apollo and asked him to clean it up and hand it over to Thanatos and Hypnos.

In Orphic theogony, a similar responsibility is given to Apollo - he is asked by Zeus to bury the remains of Zagreus.

In the account given by Plato on soulmates, after Zeus tore apart the humans, he tasked Apollo with stitching them and bringing them back to life.

And of course the whole deal with Apollo's oracles is to pass on the will of Zeus to the mortals. Apollo is basically serving as an extension of Zeus. Arguably, that is one of the most important responsibilities and Apollo was the one Zeus trusted it with. He also actively prevents other gods from taking away this role from Apollo.

6) Apollo's rebellious nature and how Zeus deals with it.

In Alcaeus' hymn, when Apollo is born, Zeus adorns him with a golden headband, gives him a golden chariot driven by swans and asks him to go to Delphi to establish his laws. But Apollo instead just takes the chariot and flies away to Hyperborea and stays there for a whole year (rebellious from the get go XD) Of course, Zeus doesn't punish Apollo for this.

(I'm not bringing up Apollo and Poseidon's servitude under Laomedon because even though it is believed to have been a result of Apollo and Poseidon rebelling against Zeus, we don't really have evidence to say that that was the case. I only vaguely remember there being evidence of it in some scholia but I'm not able to find it at the moment so. Also in the Iliad especially, the coup - whose participants are Hera, Athena and Poseidon- and the servitude under Laomedon are clearly two separate, unrelated events)

But when Apollo killed Cyclopes in retaliation for Zeus killing Asclepius, Zeus intended to throw him into tartarus. This was an instance where he was clearly very upset with his son, and probably felt betrayed too. Even so, he changed his mind thanks to Leto, which makes me feel like he did not fully intend to carry out that punishment, and it was more a decision made in the spur of the moment. And as the alternate punishment, he made Apollo serve a slave and spend time on the Earth. This is in contrast with say, Hera - who was tied and dangled above tartarus. Zeus could have done something similar with Apollo because while one could argue that exiling and making Apollo a slave is pretty humiliating, it's still not as bad as being hung over tartarus. Besides, Zeus made Apollo serve under a very kind hearted king (and by the looks of it, Apollo actually enjoyed his time there, being in love with Admetus and all). So I think even after all that had happened, Zeus still forgave Apollo and went easy on him and even agreed to grant godhood to Asclepius on Apollo's request.

7) Apollo as Zeus' eldest son

Apollo is Zeus' first son in Hesoid's Theogony (born after 19 daughters). Putting it in the context of ancient Greek society, that would make Apollo quite important for Zeus in a way that no other child can be. And while Homer doesn't explicitly say that Apollo is the first son, it is quite evident in his works (Homeric hymn to Apollo, the Iliad) that Apollo's image is that of a first born son, - he is the only one who has access to Zeus' will, all the gods except Zeus trembled when he entered Olympus, Zeus often turned to him for help during the trojan war.

("Apollo" by Fritz Graf)

Of course, Zeus is never going to give away his throne to anyone and Apollo has no serious intent of overthrowing his father, but some scholars share the view that Homer paints Apollo as a potential usurper of Zeus, but also emphasizes how Apollo is very much on Zeus' side, using his powers for Zeus and not against him.

(^Source for this bit: "The Homeric Hymns: Interpretative Essays" by Andrew Faulkner & "Nursemaid to a Monster: Typhon and Pytho in the Homeric Hymn to Apollo" by Kelly E. Shannon)

Moreover, Apollo being Zeus' first son and sort of an unofficial crown prince would neatly explain all the ways in which Zeus favors Apollo over his other children.

Lastly, this is my take on them: They both obviously have a strong bond founded on love and respect for each other. The road wasn't and isn't always smooth for them. I like to think that Apollo held some bitterness towards Zeus for not helping Leto (before eventually letting it go), but he still wants his father's attention and approval. In return, Zeus has complete trust in Apollo, which is why he entrusts a lot of important duties to him. After all, he knows very well of Apollo's struggles and his efforts to rise to power. Zeus might sometimes be more stern on Apollo than he is on the others, but that's because he doesn't want anyone saying anything unpleasant about his son. I also think he doesn't entirely understand or approve of Apollo's extreme attachment to some humans, but he is ready to turn a blind eye as long as nothing drastic is happening (not without his permission at least lol). It's easy for some people to call Zeus a bad father, but we should also remember that despite being knowledgeable and wise, Apollo can be a difficult child to deal with - he is haughty, reckless. Messes with primordial deities and cosmic order, wears his heart on his sleeve, forgets his duties when he falls in love. It's like he is a perpetual teenager not only in appearance, but also at his heart lol and Zeus does try his best to deal with it in the best way possible :') But they do get along well most of the times and no matter how bad their once in a while conflicts can get, I think nothing is irreconcilable :)

(Here's a post where I've linked sources for a lot of the myths I've mentioned. If there's anything you want to know the source for, let me know)

[doumekiss]

If you are here to contact me on behalf of someone else read this first

So I really hoped I wouldn’t have to make this post, but it recently came to my knowledge that a person I blocked many years ago started to send messages to a person she saw me interacting with here on my dungeon meshi prompt post asking them to send me a message on their behalf. I don’t have any wishes to receive messages from this person, so please don’t. Below I will explain a little bit of my history with her: 

So the person who contacted them won’t leave me alone, I’ve blocked them on everything and they won’t take no for an answer, I’ve told people in my life that if one day somebody kills me to look her up as a possible suspect because of how much she creeps me out, this is not the first time she saw me interacting with someone online and tried to get close to them.

I am going to explain a little bit about the context so you guys know where I am coming from so I met Ana on a Brazilian fanfiction website called Nyah Fanfiction back in 2015, and she was one of my most frequent readers and I had a lot of affection for her at that time. So in 2018 when some friends and I decided to create a WhatsApp group to send prompts and do challenges and just talk about fandom things, I decided to invite her to join. She accepted and became one of the most active members.

And then after a few months things started to get weird, anything I said she would get offended and hurt, and she would take everything personally, like she saw me liking an episode of Black Mirror that she didn't like as a personal attack on her and it was hurting me to constantly be treated as a villain to the point that sometimes I dreaded to send messages to the group I created, but I continued to ignore it until this incident at the end of 2019:

We did a mini ficathon on the group and Ana wrote a oneshot based on a prompt that I sent and she send me a message letting me know, usually when someone does something based on a prompt I try to read it the same day, but that week I was tired, at the time I was working and studying for some important exams (and she knew this because I mentioned it in the group), and then on the evening of the same day she sent a message asking if I had read it yet, and a bunch of other messages in the following days. So I went to tell her that this in the fandom was considered bad behavior and it's not something she should do to me or anyone else (she was 18/19 years old at the time and I know that often this kind of thing isn't very clear to young people in fandom). And then she got mad and said that I was bad and that she liked my writing but that I was a terrible person and a lot of other things.

I reflected for a few days and I went to tell her that I thought it was better for us to stop interacting, that we were clearly incompatible as friends and that because of our different personalities we were hurting each other. She was pissed but accepted it when it became clear that I wasn't going to change my mind.

A little before that I joined a different brazilian fanfic website called spirit fanfiction because most people had abandoned nyah at that point due to some really shitty management decisions that made the site almost unusable. Around the time that I chose to end our friendship I unfollowed her there, but I didn't block her. A week later after the drama, she started to favorite the works I posted here, and comment super nice things on some of them (I had a lot of nyah content to pass from one site to another), and send prompts in the first prompt journals I published (back them the site had this feature of creating blog posts similar to livejournal, and there is also a timeline feature that is similar to a mini twitter, this will be relevant soon), and I was a little uncomfortable because I asked her to stop interacting with me, but I thought it would be ridiculous to make drama about it and I just let it go.

A few months go by in november of 2020, and then I receive a message from someone who created an account just to let me know that Ana was talking bad things about me all the time on the timeline and sending messages to everyone who followed me to let them know that I was terrible person. At the time I barely interacted with the timeline, it wasn't a feature of the site that I read or paid attention to, I generally talked to people through comments on the fics. So I went to read Ana's timeline, and it was creepy as fuck, almost every day for months there was some subtweet about me, sometimes many times on the same day, things like that I copied her stories (which btw I didn't even read), that I had an evil soul, that she felt stalked by me, that I was rotten inside, that I should be run over by a bus. And she got so angry when people said something positive about me or interacted with my stories, there was a comment that I found particularly strange about me stealing readers (like how you steal someone's readers? It's not like a person chooses just one writer to read, I don't know, maybe she thought that every time someone chose to read something of mine they were rejecting reading something of her idk).

And after that, some things started to make sense, like my number of followers kept going up and down in those months, a sometimes people stopped following me just a few hours after they started for no reason at all. And some people continued to follow me but stopped interacting with my stories, at the time I was really active in the A Song of Ice and Fire fandom, and as soon as I joined the site I started interacting a little with other writers in the fandom because it was one of the ones I had more content to post, but then little by little they stopped talking to me, people who at first treated me very well, at the time I received the message I think there was two or three people still talking to me on that community. So I blocked her, and a few hours later she went to talk to Vanessa, a really good friend of mine she met through the group, that she didn't understand why I had done that. After receiving the message I talked about it with the person who sent me and also with a couple of personal friends on private and Vanessa was one of them, and she was someone who had known me for over ten years at that point, so she told me about Ana’s message and asked me if she could tell Ana that I knew what she was doing, and I said yes. And now I became super aware of the timeline and then I saw that Ana was making herself the victim there saying that she was going to leave the site because she made powerful enemies (seriously, the image she has of me is so distorted, she thinks I'm super popular but like when if you look at my fics you see that this really isn't the case, I have a few that ended up popular but you know I’ve been writing since 2009 I wrote over a thousand stories eventually something would end up popular lmao, but if you see in general most of the things I post only has like 2 or 4 favorites, I only have a large number of followers because I write for a lot of different fandoms and in general I tend to follow people who follow me back on there. 

My friends suggested that I write a journal explaining to my readers that there was someone spreading rumors about me on the site, and I considered it but I thought it was better not to, because everyone would know it was her and I knew that Ana had problems with depression and anxiety, my friends pointed out that I had it too and that Ana had no problem doing these things to me, but in the end she was a teenager and I was a 27-year-old woman so I put it aside and got on with my life.

In the following years she created a few new accounts just to interact with me, and as soon as I realize it’s her I block her again. A couple of people from the asoiaf fandom that stopped talking with me started again, and told me that they used to believe a lot of bad things about me because of Ana, and then she started being creepy with them too and making a lot of drama so they blocked her and thought maybe they were wrong about me, but I’m sure there are probably a lot of people who still believe in the things she said, and sometimes I still get a little paranoid sometimes that everyone secretly hates me and that the best thing would be to delete my account and only talk to some of the few people I trust, which obviously sucks because before fandom used to be just something fun that brought me happiness and I was much more open forming friendships in the past.

I called her out public on spirit I believe it was the end of 2021 or beginning of 2022 after it came to my knowledge that she started contacting people she saw me interacting with, I couldn’t talk with anyone on the timeline or get friendly in the comments that she went to follow them and started to message them, this time not to talk shit about me but casual at first, just to befriend them, and them after a while she mentioned we had a friend in common and how sorry she is about everything. And I made it very very clear that I have no wish to have any contact with her again ever in my life, and I thought it was over until I received that message today. 

In the message she said she was sorry for everything and that she did because she was a minor and had depression and that she wants to be friends again, but like I joined fandom when I was a minor with depression and anxiety and many many other issues and I never did this sort of shit to anyone, and she is no longer a minor and she is still trying to contact me after I made it clear that I don’t want to talk to her again, she has no respect for the concept of consent when it comes to human interactions, she thinks she deserves to have access to me no matter how profoundly uncomfortable she makes me. Everytime I’m reminded of her I have to relieve this really shitty chapter of my life. 

Her current username is iammyownsaviour, I’m not telling you guys to block her or don’t be friends with her, but please don’t send me anything from her, I don’t wanna hear it. 

[raelynnteam]

Trans woman prisoner no longer on hunger strike

Update 9/21/23: Jaina has been moved back to her old cell, with her friends. Thank you all who helped! The nature of this blog will change to allow for Jaina, Ashley, and Pharaoh to share their writing, but this post will remained tagged for a while longer.

Update 6/17/23: Jaina was moved to the unit with Ashley and Pharaoh. I understand that she has been eating. She's still not in the same pod as her people, which limits how much contact she can have with them, but we're considering this a win for now.

Thank you again to everyone who called! We still may have work ahead of us as we try to get Jaina moved back to her pod. Whatever happens, Jaina would like to continue sharing her experiences here, so there will continue to be updates.

Update as of 6/16/23 4pm PST:

I just got word that the superintendent has promised to move Jaina back to her unit if she starts eating. It's just a verbal promise, so we're cautiously optimistic, but we're about to head into a long weekend and if Jaina doesn't eat, she will probably get moved to a special offenders unit where she won't have any communication with anyone.

When I got off the call with Jaina, she was ready to start eating again.

While she's being moved to the same unit, it's not in the same "pod" as Ashley and Pharaoh. They'll be able to see each other in yard and (i think) the dayroom, though. After the investigation is officially over, then she will hopefully be moved to Ashley and Pharoah's pod.

This blog will continue to be here and update as things go. We may need help in the future. For now, if you can, please send Jaina a message or post card or letter.

Jaina would appreciate messages from folks! You can write her online, or via snail mail.

To connect online, use https://securustech.net/ and search for her DOC # 409738

To write her, address letters to:

Jaina Raelynn #409738, 191 Constantine Way, Aberdeen, WA 98520

A timeline of events.

[archived] Call to get her safely back to her support system!

Please read and be ready to call! 

CW: suicide mention

Jaina Raelynn is a trans woman incarcerated at Stafford Creek Correctional Center in Washington state.  She has consistently experienced harassment from both staff and other inmates during her time there.  She depends on a support system of other trans, GNC, and ally inmates at the prison to keep her safe and sane.

Recently, an anonymous complaint was made against her and her closest friend in prison. While the complaint was investigated, she was moved to a unit where she was not able to depend on her support system.  For days, she was afraid to leave her cell, too anxious to eat, and only holding on because she knew the complaint was false and she had been told she would be moved back to her original unit when the investigation was done.

On Friday 6/9, Jaina was told to pack up her things because she was being moved, despite being told that the investigation had concluded, and the complaint was unfounded.  Feeling hopeless, she attempted to commit suicide immediately after.

Jaina is in stable condition but has begun a hunger strike and will continue until she is moved back to her unit.  Just any unit will not provide her with the safety she needs. Please understand that a hunger strike is very serious. She is at risk of permanent damage to her kidneys, and before long, they will force a feeding tube down her throat, which is torturous.

On Wednesday 6/14,Jaina asked that people call the prison on her behalf and ask for her to be moved back to her original unit.   

Call (360) 537-1800

Superintendent Jason Bennett: dial option 3 then 6

Associate superintendent Karen Arnold dial option 3 then 5 then 1

The voicemail messages have the wrong name, but you are dialing the correct people.  

You can say,

"Hello, my name is [name] and I am a community member who is concerned for the health and safety of Jaina Raelynn, doc # 409738.  I am aware that she is on a hunger strike and won't eat again until she knows she is moved to where she feels safe.  She needs to be moved to the same pod, with access to the same dayroom, as Ashley Raelynn (896177) and Pharaoh Grayson (807868). I do not believe she will be safe anywhere else."

Bennet and Arnold will try to tell you that they have moved Jaina for her safety, but Jaina is not safe, she is at risk of serious medical complications from the hunger strike.  They will say they treat all prisoners this way when a complaint is made against them (we have heard from other prisoners that this is not true).  They may lie and say that Jaina is not on hunger strike.  You don't need to try to argue with them. Chances are, they won't answer at all and you can leave a voicemail.

Use the hashtag #helpjaina to share when you call!

Share on Twitter: https://twitter.com/enbywerewolf/status/1668808955882258432?s=20

[mx-piggy]

not to expose just how bored i am being unemployed but i got in touch with Funko to talk about how they whitewashed Lottie Matthews with the Funko Pop they made of her. i sent in a message to (i think) the general help section thing. someone got back to me and directed me to where i could send in my 'suggestion' and get it a higher chance of visibility.

i felt kind of stupid doing it as a white guy because maybe it's not that deep and i don't want to look like one of those white leftists that gets offended on the behalf of others. but i believe in solidarity and advocacy and i really did disagree with the design choice. plus, i saw that other people on here did, too. so, i did decide to go ahead and send in my 'suggestion' to see what they end up saying, if anything.

if you want to send them your own 'suggestion' regarding the matter, i'll leave the link here. if anyone wants to know what i wrote, let me know and i'll put it in a reblog. i'm not saying that what i wrote was perfect but i think it got the point across.

edit: reminder that there are far more important people you should be getting in touch with about far more important things. like there's abhorrent stuff going on in the world that is astronomically more important than gay cannibal merch, and it feels weird and possibly out of touch to write a post about contacting people about things i care about and not include that you should be contacting officials about these significant world events before you think about messaging some company about a bad design choice.

edit 2: sorry that i didn't add the link; i have no idea why i didn't add it when i made the post!

[beardedmrbean]

>The left complain about places being named after confederate people

>Fight tooth and nail to protect planned parenthood even after data revealed that black people suspiciously makes up nearly 50% of abortions.

Like I heard the Fort Bragg named change to Liberty…I’m sorry but as s black guy who lived on fort Bragg as a kid for a few years.

No. Black. Person. Gave. A. Single. Fuck. About that history of that name on the base. Imo, the sex revolution, planned parenthood, the Duluth model, and Feminists intentionally changing the American public school system to cater to nuerotypical girls. Did more damage to black people than any confederate soldier.

Sorry for ranting, I’m only 23 but Jesus white liberals did so much damage I can’t comprehend why black people still trust them.

I mention this particular bit of prose fairly often when these types of situations come up, Rudyard (Jungle Book) Kipling is encouraging the US to annex the Philippines from the Spanish to bring "civilization" to them, you'll notice in the image (gold bit at the top is "civilization")

Just about everything racist you could imagine when it comes to caricatures, poem itself is likely one of the most racist bits of prose to ever get widely published.

Guy was a progressive, the mindset of a lot of these people hasn't changed over the decades and centuries, one of the "compassionate" reasons given to continue the transatlantic slave trade had to do with people like "the warrior queen" if you remember that movie, better to be chained up and toted across the ocean and sold into slavery in the US where at least they'd not have to worry about becoming a human sacrifice or being worked or beaten to death. (yes that did happen, but not often, why would a farmer take a sledgehammer to a working tractor just stupid, and criminal though not heavily enforced) that was progressive thinking at the time, at least for the people that truly believe it and weren't just evil and trying to make a buck off human misery.

So much like they needed to civilize all of the backwater people of the world and protect the africans from the other africans because they absolutely knew better than they people they claimed to be helping

What's really fun here is there's ethnic minority groups that 90% of them will flat out say that something is incredibly offensive or demeaning or any of the litany of things out there that in the ism/phobic/ect community and you'll get the progressives telling them that no that's not what that means.

Wonder how many of these things, like that mountain that had its name changed, or fort hood, or any of 10,000 other things that were deemed insensitive by people that are professionally offended on other people's behalf would have had any changes made to them if it had put to a vote in the community they're talking about protecting.

Assholes continuing to push latinx even after the Latino community overwhelmingly has said they hate it come to mind.

Someone in the notes of a old post of mine was going off and saying all of the different Spanish speakers around the world just need to suck it up and change their language.

The arrogance and selfishness is insanne

[lefluoritesys]

Hi! Random question but what's the funniest/most awkward situation you have ever been in with a headmate/headmates? Also, I love your Tumblr. It helps us through a lot of system denial :)

Thank you so much!! We're glad to hear that, we try our best to make it a safe and positive space!!

I don't think we have stories that people would count as incredibly funny, however, we have a few that stand out to us as at least amusing, lmao. And awkward... don't even get me started.

I (co-host) keep texting people trying to make friends, and don't ask nor tell anybody. And then I just dip. I think it's a pretty effective strategy. :D

The amount of times somebody told us something that we know we would have memorized by hard. Like when we're supposed to have our lessons. And then we'd switch, be asked about it, and don't know the answer as to what that thing was. It puts us in such awkward situations IRL cause of our parents.-

Today, remember the couple that went on a date? One of them had to front to take our sibling to their classes, and they were sulking, so our co-host & persecutor-caretaker had to keep their composure when their partner, from the inner world, said our sibling looks like an offended ostrich.

We got berated for eating the host's chips. We now have a policy about eating chips. Because people ate their bag of chips...

One of the funniest stories were probably with one of our alters who went mostly inner now, though. They once purchased a premium on an app we use a lot without telling anybody, and at the time, we could buy a whole McDonald's meal for that amount of money. Then, we put them in charge of English classes, and they were definitely working, but their way of working was roasting everything and cracking some of the most hilarious jokes we've ever heard. That same alter then offered our mother cyanide.

Some of the things we say are so fucking funny that we made a quote book. For ourselves. And our partner systems. There, we not only have hilarious quotes, but some of the funniest roasts we've ever seen, one of our favorites being:

Host: It's kinda funny how I can do everything alone at front, and y'all have to do it collectively when I'm not around.

Co-host: Nah, we're just healthy.

Our co-host sprained our foot. And called the bandage on it "foot prison." I am not elaborating on their behalf. /laughing

In the inner world, we have this thing where we can track people and where they are at that point in time (especially our robots can do that), and sometimes people decide to play tag. And since our inner world is our inner world, what we basically see is a dot (that represents a person you're watching) telelporting from point A to point B to point E in a matter of seconds. Which doesn't sound funny, but picture it, lmao.

The number of posts we made that were purely targeting each other is insane. And you will never know that they are targeted unless we say something, we are sneaky like that.

At some point some people in the inner world discussed fucking Jesus?? And I mean doing the deed, not the "fucking Jesus." We still have no idea who or why.

And then another two people, whose names we know, discussed our partner system's semi-sentient hotel and what its type would be. In detail. And who they could pair it up with.

Our host is still salty at one of our prosecutors because they bought them cocoa instead of coffee, didn't tell them, and our host couldn't figure our why the coffee was sweet but tasted well, considering we hate coffee with sugar. And then they realized.

Our host address purple so much that now all of us gotta keep up with the idea what "we, a singlet, definitely a singlet (/s), love purple so much" because explaining to our bio family that we don't like it anymore but we also do but also don't would be too difficult for a number of reasons.

One of us can just decide that it's chicken nuggets day, and we will have chicken nuggets for lunch. Not because we don't want to upset this somebody by refusing but because we'd literally switch on the streets halfway to chicken nuggets, stare at the distance for a couple of seconds, and accept our fate.

We generally talk to ourselves in public constantly, we have no shame about that, especially since it's mostly in English, which is not our first language. That got us a lot of looks. We also do that in VCs with our partner system, and we openly switch in front of them and talk about inner world shit.

Hope that gave you a few laughs. /g /pos

-host, co-host & persecutor-caretaker, sexual persecutor

[mostsanegirlever]

Hi :) 

I’m writing this as a direct response to whatever the hell went on yesterday. Before I directly offer my counterpoints I just wanna make some things clear:

1. English is not my first language and I don’t use any proper translation app for revision. I use a lot of adverbs because that’s how I express myself in my mother language. The punctuation also goes with how I use it in Portuguese.

2. I’m not offended on Chan's behalf, I’m just extremely passionate about debating (both online and irl), especially when I think others are objectively wrong.

3. I’m not only pro boycotting this single, but I also pray every night that it never sees the light of day.

I’ve been against this collab and voiced my distaste as soon as I was made aware of its existence. At first it wasn’t because of Charlie Puth’s “opinions” on the Genocide being conducted against Palestinians in their occupied mother land (I actually had no idea where he stood since I have him blocked everywhere for being annoying, ugly and untalented), but getting to know that he’s an actual Zionist was the final straw for me, and I won’t be listening to it at all. That’s where I personally stand and I’m not known for changing my mind.

As soon as the news dropped, I took this feature for what it is: a chart gambling move by Republic Records (Stray Kids’ American distributor and promoter). Releasing a soulless English single featuring a C-list American “artist” is basically a trend in K-pop nowadays, since it places the group in the charts fast enough before the actual comeback, has viral TikTok potential and extends by 2 the promotional period.

I never actually expected JYPE to follow suit with SKZ, as much as they have given other groups the tired and bland English pre-release. As I said, it was a no for me from the start because I don’t like nor do I listen to something that’s so shamelessly a marketing strategy made for an easy cash grab.

I expressed my opinion that it was a sell-out move that would taint SKZ’ original and cohesive discography. 

As soon as the credits were posted, my first thought was that it was never SKZ’ song to begin with. In my opinion, it was very clear by the credits positioning that the song was made by Charlie and the other dude (who isn’t even like just a random Zionist but a full Israeli that has undoubtedly served the IOF) and the featuring was orchestrated in a reunion with people who see music as business and artists are decided by they capacity of making profit by charting. 

Once again, I personally refuse to consume this type of slop, especially when it comes from people who openly align themselves with a genocidal ethno-state.

I’m aware that my decision to not listen to this song won’t have any impact on the decisions both companies will make for SKZ in the future, since the music industry isn’t known to take morals into consideration when it comes to easy profit.

I also keep my opinion that media consuming (or non-consuming) isn’t activism, and there’s a fine line between reasoning on why you chose to boycott and empty virtue signaling. The latter always comes with a huge deal of self-righteousness, which we’ve seen plenty of since yesterday.

My expectation was that everyone who agreed to boycott directed their indignation towards RR and JYPE, since it was obviously an administrative decision and this has no artistic value. MUCH TO MY SURPRISE! (not really, this always happens) Chan has been in the front-line for getting all the lashes.

No mention of the other members of 3RACHA, who were also “in the room with racists” and have the exact same amount of credits and creative liberty, no mention of RR who obviously was the one orchestrating the promotional single (as they did with that TXT song with Jonas Brothers, Usher feat. Jungkook and the list goes on).

Lots of people questioned this when they saw that tweet, with no concrete response by OP or the ones who backed her up on why he was solely being condemned and blamed for the collaboration.

After a while, many came to justify that directing the anger towards Chan is valid since he is “the leader”, “the oldest” and “the spokesperson” of the group. For me personally, it’s hard to understand why a group made out of fully adult cisgender able-bodied males would need a spokesperson when they’re perfectly capable of speaking up for themselves on instances like this, but it’s interesting to see him suddenly become the only one who can speak for the group considering many people were shading him for being the one who always gives the speeches earlier this week.

Although the main claim is that he has more power because of his position as leader, I don’t think anyone actually believes that. The blame falls strictly onto Chan every single time because he made the biggest mistake an artist can make: treat his fans as equal.

He established an open line of communication as he presented his own authentic self, showing his flaws and often putting himself down and accepting the blame as means of maybe alleviating the inhumane amount of hatred he’s been submitted to since he dared to share his passion with the most demonic industry with the biggest amount of brain-dead fan-girls.

This made Chris the main character of arguably the most intense parasocial relationship I’ve seen in years of fandom hopping.

The post that started the blame shift towards Chan referred to him by his full name (weird, but punctual since many seem to believe they know him personally) and goes on to say “I know that you’re reading these quotes” or something like that.

See what I mean? That struggling to fulfill obligations as an idol and cutting himself open to give the fandom unrestricted access to him for years only made them believe that that’s all he does? That he’s #oomf and they can just say anything and it’s part of his job to acknowledge it? That any problem is for him to solve individuality and every praise is meant to be shared?

This entire idea that Bang Chan is somehow different, more important and more impactful than his coworkers isn’t because of the leader title, it’s because of the close relatability due to his openness.

Chan deals with the producer role much as he did with his relationship with the fans: he’s always made it clear that 3RACHA has the same amount of power when it comes to the creative direction of the band. Changbin and Jisung always acted alike, never letting it seem that Chan is the one who calls the shots or takes on “the leader” role inside the producing unit.

This message has never seemed to reach the fandom for some reason and when it comes to highlight something negative it falls strictly on Chan to acknowledge it. His coworkers who are on the exact same level and have the exact same power are never expected to stand up for anything.

Many argue that it’s because Chan is a native speaker but it’s actually, again, because people have a parasocial relationship with him specifically, to a level the other producers never allowed.

That’s exactly the reason you can see here:

if you're like, okay yeah screw all those other people, but why are you blaming chan? niru @/the_kpopalypse on twitter wrote it very well:

"I think Chan is one part of a large team that made this happen. That being said, as a leader, as someone who has generally made it a point to communicate his views on anything that goes on in fandom or the world, and the one who has emphasized the social justice angle of skz's brand since day one...[he] is a grown man who can and should hear the truth."

The expectation doesn’t come from actually believing he’s the leader or the spokesperson, it comes from taking his openness and treating fans as equals, as exposing himself in a genuine way and continuing to attend to expectations in order to keep the crowd pleased and now it all falls on his shoulders, even though not for a minute has he claimed to have more creative freedom or power than any other member in the producer line.

The whole “because he is the leader” means nothing but “because I have higher expectations when it comes to him, because the close relatability made me think I have an open channel of communication and I can demand he attend to my expectations, because I know him on a personal level and he frustrated me”.

I don’t blame anyone for growing such a deep rooted parasocial relationship with him, Chan is indeed a charismatic leader, it’s the hypocrisy that I can’t stand. It’s clearly not his move to go on with this collaboration, and if you decide to critic him in hopes that he’ll see it somehow (as if he has nothing to do but sit around reading your demands and taking notes but once again this belief comes from this parasocial relationship where you guys are convinced he’s the one who’s always there and he’ll be a hero and make everything alright again), then Han Jisung and Seo Changbin, the other men who are credited the same amount, are just as capable of standing up for this.

The parasocial relationship this entire fandom has with Chan (that can be both for love and admiration or hatred and jealousy btw) comes with this huge amount of expectations for him but also for the infantilization of the other members.

Chan is the dad, the one who’s capable and dependable and calls the shots and the other 7 fully adult cis able-bodied millionaire males are just...there. They have no opinions, they have no responsibilities, they have no say.

They’re all 23+ in age and Chan being the oldest is hardly an excuse as to why he’s being pointed as the sole member who needs to take a stance since Minho is no more than a year younger than him.

These are grown men who have been legal voters for years already, and have been raised and socialized in a culturally conservative country. Chan being brave enough to talk about his own political and social views (not the group’s, since the text I’m replying to seemed put him in “skz” when it came to praising) should be a breath of fresh air but instead it only gave him more responsibility when it comes to “educating” the other members, somehow.

I am of the opinion that these expectations only fall on him because you think you know him on a personal level, whereas the others kept the fans at a safe distance from the beginning.

Singling someone out for being “the oldest'' doesn't fly. He speaks for himself only, not for everyone. If it’s about taking a stance, I need all of them to come forward individually and use their social status for what they believe. They aren’t alienated from the world and they have the same amount of free time Chan has, signed the same contracts and are just as grown and capable.

What happened yesterday with name dropping Chan exclusively was no more than people who cultivated a deep rooted parasocial relationship with him  (easily noticeable since skz_8283 and the people backing her up are all +18 RPF writers) and seem to think that media consuming and tweeting is activism.

The doubling down on still pointing him out as the sole precursor instead of actually demonstrating their distaste towards the people who decided that this chart gamble would be real, or even at the very least expecting the same amount of responsibility from the other members was even more upsetting.

The anger towards this project is completely justified, but as long as you keep Chan in the middle of your rage it will also be completely misplaced. Chan doesn’t have a choice in this, redirect your demands towards the people who actually call the shots: Republic Records and JYPE/DIV1.

[dirtyvulture]

😎 I HATE AUTO Correct with a BURNING PASSION!!!!!! When I was writing the “ dialogue” of R discovering pads the first “ Wait” was turned into “ what” and “ your” was turn into “ our”. And not to mention that it turned “ Esther” into “ Ester”. And I get and understand people still understood it but I always double check everything before I post but that DAMN autocorrect stuck again. It just really bugs me , thanks for bearing with my Ted talk rant. Plus I sometimes really suck at spelling things .

I also tried checking on nurses in WWI and II and them wearing dog tags but I couldn’t get any information ( at lest not information about WW I nurses ) but I do know that WWI nurses had to be the ages between 25 and 35 and could have been subjected to gases and even casualties of being shot and killed. But were working in the back lines of war. While Nurses of WWII had to be ages between 21 and 40 and could not have children under the age of 14 . Nurses were also brought up into the front lines ( Working on Land , Water and Air) . The invention of pads were only given credit to WWI nurses as a whole and not individual ones . But that is not to say R doesn’t have other historical significance and records tied to her . Pictures and articles and firsthand accounts past down throughout history from her time in the wars. I already stated how she sent her time in those wars which would lend itself perfectly to all of those historical records.

I am just imagining R really fucking annoyed by the gassing after protecting her charges or was just in wrong place wrong time in both world wars ( because gas attacks happened in both ). She is holding her throat hacking up a lung ( possibly coughing up blood,  gunk, and god knows what else) , her eyes sting as all hell and her eye sight is shot to all hell. The gases  probably cause R’s voice to get all deep and gruff the first time( not as bad as it is now but still) . R being really annoyed by having to get the blood out of and fixing the bullet holes or other holes in her clothing after protecting her charges ( every single sick and injured soldier, other nurses and civilians - especially women and children R  considered her charges) in all the wars she was in . She probably fixed and got the blood out of other people’s clothes ( R “ bicthed”up a storm “ complaining” about fixing up the men’s clothes but was happy to do so for the other nurses and for the local civilian women and children. Especially the kids’ clothes) .

For pictures in WWI Esther made R do them (alone or in group photos) as Esther was her favorite nurse or at the very least one of her favorites in that war ( I say as if I literally didn’t just put down a random vintage female name for the bit of R helping to invent pads 🤣) but R told Esther that R had to pose with her , R wasn’t doing the pictures alone. For WWII her favorite Nurse of that war was who made her do the photos again( and again R posed only with that nurse as R wasn’t doing pictures alone) . People also just took pictures of R when she was distracted tending to soldiers or the children and local civilian communities in all the wars R was in .

I am looking and saving up for my first car and when I was reading your first chapter of the darkest knight au and I got to the scene where Nat and R got to R’s pickup truck.And I was like “ Girlllll you better NOT be side eyeing the truck !!!!” 😤😤🤬🤬 Like I was soo offended on R’s behalf and the truck and that got me thinking that R just loves her truck . Like that is HER BABY ( if anyone has seen Supernatural think Dean and Baby the 1967 Chevy Impala) and lord help anyone that side eyes or comments badly on her truck.

I also love the idea that R named her truck Esther because the truck is Red ( plus as I said before Esther was her favorite) and it would be a inside joke to her and her alone or R named it Betty Carver ( From the Peggy Carter series) as R met Peggy Carter in WWII and knew her and the “ Betty Carver” of the radio show made her cry laughing. So that name amused her so much that R named her beloved truck that and made a inside joke out of it for herself and herself alone. It doesn’t matter if R remembered the full reason behind the truck’s name because it still  amuses the hell out of R , she can still FEEL the inside joke there . Even if she had forgotten R knows that the truck’s name is a inside joke to herself.

Bonus points if R’s favorite nurse or one of her favorites of WWII is actually related to Esther in some way , make it a family thing . You can choose the name of the nurse and how they are related to Esther , Vulture. And if that family line severed in all the wars that R was in . If that family member in that war was R’s favorite nurse or whatever  service  member of the military. Double bonus points if R knows that it is a family line of people serving in wartime and that they always become R’s favorites in that war.

Don't worry about your autocorrect, we can still understand what you're saying :)

Look at you digging through history just for one little headcanon 😂 I love the dedication and thank you for sharing it with us!

I literally love Esther so much 😭 Definitely gonna try and sneak in a reference for her in a future chapter. She sounds like a really good friend of R's who she probably misses so much.

LOL Nat was definitely judging R's truck a little bit 😭 But it's good she didn't say anything out loud

There's definitely a whole line of nurses who served in wars who all know R somehow 😂 But it's like a family secret to not talk about how well R has aged and how she goes back to knowing great-grandmother Esther

[evans-heaven]

pretzels ; eddie munson

Writing and posting a fic for the first time in years bc this post about Eddie and his pretzels decided to moderately blow up. Pls note this quickly went from a fic about eating pretzels to a full blown rewrite of the cafeteria scene BUT I hope you enjoy ;)

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader (no use of y/n or physical descriptions)

Warnings: Like two swear words, disgusting fluff, Eddie being soft only for his gf, said gf being a sucker for her bf, suggestiveness at the end bc why tf not

“The devil...has come....to America,” 

You popped a pretzel into your mouth. It was lunchtime at Hawkins High, and you sat at the Hellfire Club table in your designated seat next to your boyfriend, Eddie. You were listening to him being his theatrical self while reading some bullshit article in Newsweek about Dungeons and Dragons.

“Studies have linked the game to violent behavior, satanic worship, ritual sacrifice....”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. Did you play the game? No. Have you sat in on many Hellfire Club meetings simply because you loved your boyfriend and wanted to have at least some knowledge of one of the few things that made him happy? Absolutely. So, with that fact in mind, you were offended on his behalf by this article that was doing entirely too much.

You found some comfort, however, in admiring him as he continued reading. Dramatics aside, your man was just so damn handsome. You wouldn’t be surprised if you had literal hearts in your eyes as you rested your chin in your palm like a Disney Princess and got lost in his features, features you knew like the back of your hand and yet couldn’t get enough of. 

What got you the most? His eyes. They were so big, brown, and expressive. You loved them the most when they gazed upon you in so much admiration it made your entire body tingle. But, you liked the excitement in them when he got fired up, much like at this moment, as well. 

You were pulled out of your thoughts by Eddie slamming the magazine down. “....and even...MURDER!” he widened those doe eyes and stuck his tongue out for good measure, finishing his little show. 

“Society has to blame something, and we’re an easy target,” was said as Dustin and Mike, the younger members of the Hellfire Club, sat at the table. 

“Exactly,” Eddie agreed, his arms folded. “We’re an easy target, because we like to play a fantasy game,” he said, and despite the theatrics from him a mere minute ago, it was obvious he was annoyed, and maybe even little hurt. 

Jumping into girlfriend mode, you grabbed his forearm, unfolding his arms, and sliding your hand down to tangle it with his. He visibly softened almost instantly, and rested his gaze on you as you smile gently at him. He kissed the back of your hand in gratitude. 

The tender moment, however, was short lived as he softly pulled away. He rested his palms on the table harshly. “BUT!” He shot up, and, before you could stop him, climbed onto the table. “As long as you’re into band, or science, or....parties...” he surveyed the cafeteria from his heightened spot on the table, saying the last interest mockingly with a look of disgust (you just knew, even if you couldn’t see him).

“OR A GAME WHERE YOU TOSS BALLS INTO LAUNDREY BASKETS,” Eddie jeered loudly, directly to the basketball team, hands cupped over his mouth, because standing on the table wasn’t drawing enough attention. And yet, you couldn’t help but giggle at his antics. 

When you dated someone like Eddie Munson, there was no such thing as ‘small’ or ‘subtle’. Despite your more lowkey and reserved nature, you loved how eccentric he was, because it was just his authentic self. He wasn’t trying to act cool like all the other kids at Hawkins High, he knew he stood out and he embraced it, and so did you.

Plus, those basketball playing douchebags deserved to be knocked down a peg, anyway.

“You want something, freak?” the captain, Jason, countered, as though he was in any way intimidating. To people who cared about status in a fucking high school, maybe, but not to Eddie, who simply made a taunting face at him.

“Its forced conformity,” he said as he walked back down the table like it was a damn runway. “Its what’s KILLING THE KIDS,” his voice grew as he hopped down and startled someone, yelling right in her face. You were surprised the contents of her tray didn’t go flying. Then, ever the (somewhat) gentleman, Eddie gestured for two cheerleaders to pass by him. 

“That’s the real monster,” he concluded, sitting back down for a rare moment of calm.

Shaking your head, you clapped lightly to humor him, a smirk tugging at your lips as he looked to you, smiling back. Because you felt especially playful, you took a pretzel from his plastic bag and held it up to his mouth, almost like a reward. He grinned devilishly (no pun intended), and encased his entire mouth around your finger tips, as he took the pretzel from them, pulling away with an exaggerated smacking sound, because he’s Eddie Munson and he’s dramatic.

“Ugh,” you whined jokingly, wiping your damp fingers on his shirt. He batted your hand away lightly before dragging your chair closer so he could rest his arm on the back of it. You leaned into his side and continued feeding him, popping some in your mouth in between. He, of course, did the absolute most when taking them from you, nipping at your fingers constantly and not giving a damn about the blatant PDA in front of his club.

You were teasing Eddie by pulling the pretzel away a little bit before he could take it when the curly haired freshman, Dustin, spoke up. “So, speaking of monsters, Lucas has to do his, uh, balls in laundry baskets game,” he began, chuckling nervously. 

Eddie listened to Dustin as he kept his gaze on you while you continued popping pieces into his mouth. This wasn’t really your concern so you had no qualms continuing the lovey-dovey shit. You almost thought you belonged at the ‘popular’ table since you swore you saw an ‘it’ couple doing this exact same thing once. 

“So he’s not gonna be able to make it to hellfire,” Dustin’s next sentence got Eddie’s attention as he straightened slightly and turned to face him. Uh oh.

Before Dustin could finish stuttering his way through what he obviously wanted to offer as a solution, Mike cut him off. “POSTPONE!” he finished exasperatedly, and the protests began, because postponing? Hellfire club? Were they serious?

“SHUT UP!” Eddie barked over the chaos, and the table went quiet. You subtly bit your lip at the small show of power and you didn’t think anyone would blame you.

“You’re saying Sinclair’s been taken in by the dark side?” Eddie clarified as he sat forward, his arm moving from the back of your chair to the table, and you pouted. 

“Uh, something like that-”

“Something like that?” Eddie mocked, chucking a pretzel in the boys’ direction. “And rather than find a sub for him,” he proposed like it was obvious, “You want...you want to postpone. The cult. Of Vecna?”

As Mike began with the excuses, Eddie shot up, again, and you knew where this was headed. 

“It’s just that, y’know, most of the subs will be at the championship game,” Mike reasoned, but Eddie was having none of it.

“Oh, its the championship game?” he asked tauntingly, then enquired, “Can I level with you?” he began to make his way down the right side of the table, brushing his hand against my neck lightly as he passed. “Jeff graduates this year, Garett’s got, what, a year and a half?” he said, then gestured to himself. “Me, I am army crawling my way toward a D in Miss O’Donnell’s. If I don’t blow her final, I’m gonna walk that stage next month,” he began prancing slightly, and you looked on in amusement, even if you felt sad for him having to endure a final year in this hellhole multiple times. 

“I’m gonna look Principal Higgins dead in the eye, I’m gonna flip him the bird,” he gritted as he held up a middle finger to no one in particular, then clenched his other hand in a fist. You couldn't help but admire the bulky silver rings adorning his fingers, they had no reason to look so damn good there. “I’m gonna snatch that diploma, and then me and my girl are gonna run like hell outta here,” he began running in the direction of the exit, adding action to his words to get it to sink in for the club even more. You blushed when he mentioned you two leaving together. He always talked about getting out of Hawkins with you, as there wasn’t really anything keeping him here.

“Didn’t you say that last year?” Jeff spoke up.

“And the year before?” Garret added.

“Yeah, and I was full of shit!” Eddie defended, walking back. “This year, is my year,” he gave the cafeteria a once over, before looking at you and smiling. “Our year,” he corrected. “‘86, baby,” he promised, eyes still on you, soft as ever. 

You’d applied for multiple colleges out of state, letting fate (and pretty decent grades) decide where you would end up. You loved your boyfriend, but you were not putting your education aside for anyone. With that in mind, as well as how “hard” he was working for that barely passing grade, you prayed he really wasn’t full of shit this time. Maybe the two of you being side by side at graduation wasn’t gonna be a crazy dream anymore.

“You know what that means?” he asked Dustin and Mike, coming up behind them and laying heavy hands on their shoulders. “It means you boys, are the future of hellfire,” he said. “I knew it the moment I saw you, sat on that table right over there,” he pointed ahead, still keeping an arm on Mike’s shoulder. “Remember, baby?” he asked you, and you nodded.

“Looking like two little lost sheep,” you grinned, thinking back to when you first saw the two boys, just as awkward looking as they are now. 

“You were wearing a Weird Al T-Shirt,” he said to Dustin, then turned to Mike. “You were wearing whatever shit your mommy got you,”

“From the goddamn Gap,” you added in, enjoying this. You were willing to admit that Eddie sizing these kids up was, for some reason, entertaining. 

He pointed at you in agreement, chuckling, and everyone started laughing, including the two boys. The funny moment didn’t last, however, as Eddie switched it up on them real quick and yanked them up by their collars, effectively ending any amusement they felt as they became visibly tense.

You heard him begin to explain to them that the Hellfire Club gave them a decent high school experience and that there were other little ‘lost sheepies’ who needed that same assistance, then gently advised that they ‘get their Bo-Peeps on’, and go find one, before shoving them away from the table with a new task in their hands.  

Eddie relaxed, then made his way back to his seat, placing his arm back in its original spot on the back of your chair. 

“You think they’ll find someone?” Garett asked.

“They better,” Eddie mumbled. Accepting that, Garett shrugged and entered a conversation with the other members of the club. “Now, where were we?” Eddie asked you, then opened his mouth expectantly, sticking his tongue out. 

You rolled your eyes and giggled, picking up a pretzel and placing it on his waiting tongue. “You know, you should consider eating some real lunch, Ed,” you chastised lightly. “Snacks and weed isn’t really a proper diet,”

His eyes darkened, and he smirked. “Well then,” he mumbled, and brought his head closer to yours, lips brushing the shell of your ear. 

“I know exactly what I want to eat,”

And with that, it was your turn to shoot up from your seat as you grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the cafeteria, not even caring about the implications. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nothing like the latest cute white boy from a Netflix show to suddenly make you wanna write again. Hope the Eddie girlies enjoyed💕 

[lokeanwelcomingcommittee]

Hello!

Do you have any tips for a beginner who wants to honour Loki, but has anxieties and insecurities that get in the way? (I have anxiety and depression if that helps).

So, I want to honour Loki, but I am terribly worried that They do not like me. Any time I do something for them or I look in to Them, I feel guilty and like I should just stop and leave Them alone. I have tried reaching out to Them before and had an interesting experience; I felt like someone was “playfully” creeping up behind me to scare me. That feeling held for a minute and then disappeared completely. I have not felt a presence since, even though I have reached out again since then, so I have stopped out of worry. I do feel that my guilt and worry comes from the fact I have not always been a very kind or good person to others; I have made awful choices and mistakes that have hurt people I loved amongst others. The most recent thing was last year and that broke me, so now I am trying to do better and break bad patterns and learned behaviours (which is freaking hard, but I am hoping therapy will aid me in this).

Any help or advice is greatly appreciated..! I’m sorry that this is a lot, please do not stress if you are unable to answer for any reason. Thank you, - Pickle, They/Them/Theirs🐛

Hey there, Pickle. No need to apologize at all on your end and sorry it did take a bit to get to this on ours. Here's a mushroom for your caterpillar as well; I always think those go well together. 🍄

One thing I'm gonna start with just in the hopes of maybe taking an option off of the anxiety buffet is that you haven't actually gotten any negative feedback. I know it might feel disheartening or like a negative response after the first experience you describe, but as we've mentioned in a recent post, that is... actually pretty common, and even if it wasn't it's certainly not a requirement, so while I realize it's probably not a magic bullet on the anti-anxiety front, in my experience no news is good or at least business-as-usual news, and to kind of segue to the next point, it sounds like it might be understandable.

I say that because anxiety and depression do have the unfortunate effect where it's often hard to communicate with deities (however you may do it) or even just be in the right frame of mind for worship, offerings, etc. I don't want to necessarily assume anything about you specifically just because I know this sort of thing presents differently in different folks, but as someone else with both of those I know it's caused me to get stuck in vicious cycles of feeling unworthy/not "good" enough or like everything is criticism or a terrible omen similar to those posts, and of course those thoughts add to the worry, cycle repeats, etc. It's again not a magic bullet, but sometimes reminding myself that these feelings aren't limited to the gods or my practice is strangely reassuring-- it kind of helps me realize I probably haven't personally offended anyone, everything is just harder to relate to during those times.

Sometimes, as pointed out in that last linked post, the thing that helps the most is just stepping back until you're in a better place, so if that's something you decide may be beneficial it's nothing to feel guilty about, and while of course we can't speak on a god's behalf I think a lot of us had kind of on-off starts with this sort of thing for a number of reasons, myself included, and returning later was not an issue. With that said, I do want to stress that Loki does not discriminate based on mental illness or life circumstances, and re: what you've mentioned about guilt-- I mean, the mother of monsters, and indeed this entire rogue's gallery that are the Norse gods, have made mistakes. And it sounds like not only are you working on that, you're going in with a fairly grounded and realistic attitude and getting assistance with it, which I hope is helping and continues to be helpful, and hopefully that guilt and worry subsiding will be a positive result of this. With that said, to go back to where we began, if you'd still like to do things to honor Loki, you absolutely can, and I'm going to link a number of links and resources for you at the end of this post that cover anything from suggestions for ways to do that with some low-spoons days options, different ways of communicating that you might not have thought of/considered that may work better for you, and some other possibly helpful advice. Definitely don't feel obligated to do all of it or feel like there's any rush to even read all of it; it's all just there for possibly helpful reference if you need it.

With that said, the main advice I can give is please take care of yourself, and while I know it's easier said than done, keep in mind that you've got a lot going on right now, and while that doesn't "disqualify" or make you unworthy or objectionable or anything similar, it is definitely a situation that can make communicating and/or trying to start a new relationship/make a big life change difficult, and taking the time to get that situation more manageable is more than understandable and not something you should feel guilty about. "Challenging" is one thing, but if you're continually getting hurt it's worth considering, especially because you can always change that in the future.

It feels like nothing I do is enough or that I'm doing everything wrong. What might be happening?

Can Loki feel what I'm feeling/does he like me?

In the absence of any obvious signs to the contrary, assume you’re good

If you've upset Loki or asked him something he doesn't like, would he let you know?

re: doubt and anxiety

Another anxiety post

Loki and depression (with a link to another good post)

Polytheism While Dealing With Mental Illness

Loki and mistakes

On taking a break

Scheduling suggestions

Suggestions for connecting with Loki

A similar suggestion post

Self care devotional suggestions

In any case, I hope some of this is helpful to you and that things improve for you. I know things probably aren't fantastic right now, it does sound like you've made some wise choices in terms of changing that, and I wish you the best of luck-- for what it's worth, you're definitely not alone on the anxiety/depression front.

- Mod V

[annecoulmanross]

Top Ten Historical Figures Done Dirty by The Terror (2018)

So, we all know and love Dave Kajganich and Soo Hugh’s beautiful show, right? Of course. But it’s important to set the historical record straight, especially when there are real people’s life-stories and legacies on the line. 

(NOTE: this list is biased heavily toward upper-class individuals because the historical record does a better job preserving those voices for us. Was the real Cornelius Hickey as nasty a person in real life as he was in the show? Almost certainly not – which is why we’re given “E.C.” as a nod to the fact that we shouldn’t assume these characters represent real historical villains, even when the narrative makes them antagonists; HOWEVER, not everyone in the show was given the same courtesy as the OG “Cornelius Hickey.” Which is why this post exists – to show you the best sides of some people you might not otherwise appreciate for their full humanity. That being said, keep in mind the sources used – and, for instance, who has surviving portraits and who doesn’t.)

Thus, below the cut, I give you this list, (mostly) in order from #10 (honorable mention, only somewhat slandered) to #1 (most hideously maligned) – my list of characters from The Terror who deserved better. 

(Please don’t take this too seriously – I know there are reasons why choices had to be made in order to make this show work on television, and I do very much love the end product. But I also genuinely think it’s a good idea to remember the real people behind these characters, and think critically about how we depict them ourselves.) 

Bottom Tier – The Overlooked Men of the Franklin Expedition

#10. Richard Wall – & – John Diggle

We’re combining these two because they had a lot in common, historically speaking! Both were polar veterans, having served as a Cook (Wall) and an AB-then-Quartermaster (Diggle) on HMS Erebus under the command of Sir James Clark Ross in the Antarctic expedition of 1839-1843. Certainly we do get some good scenes with them in the show, but there was plenty more to explore there – for instance, Captain Ross was apparently so taken with Richard Wall that he hired him on as a private cook after the Antarctic expedition. (One imagines that Sir James may have regretted letting his friends of the Franklin expedition steal Wall out from under him.)

(If you want some more information on Diggle, the brilliant @handfuloftime​ found this excellent article on him – fun facts include the detail that Diggle’s only daughter bore the name Mary Ann Erebus Diggle.) 

#9. John Smart Peddie 

Now, I don’t think we should go as far as the Doctor Who Audio Drama adaptation of the Franklin Expedition, which makes Peddie into Francis Crozier’s oldest friend, someone “almost like a brother” to Crozier (no evidence of ANY prior relationship between the two existed, contrary to whatever the Doctor Who Audio Dramas would have you believe!) but Peddie probably earned his place as chief surgeon, however fond we may all be of the beautiful Alex “Macca” MacDonald, who was, in fact, the Assistant Surgeon, historically speaking. It’s hard to find information about Peddie, but someone should go looking! I want to know about this man! 

(If you want to know more about the historical Alexander MacDonald, there’s a short biographical article on him from Arctic that you can read here.)

#8 James Walter Fairholme

The only one of the expedition’s lieutenants who doesn’t really get any characterization in the show, which is a travesty! The historical Fairholme (pronounced “Fairem”) was, as they say, a himbo, and the letters that he wrote home to his father are positively precious. He loved the expedition pets (lots of kisses for Neptune!), and he needed two kayaks because he couldn’t fit into just one with his beefy thighs. Fitzjames loaned him a coat when all the Erebus officers had their portraits taken, and then called him a “smart, agreeable companion, and a well informed man,” and Goodsir singled Fairholme out as “very much interested” in the work of naturalist observations. Just a lovely young man who could have gotten some screen time, you know? 

(Also, as @transblanky​ discovered, four separate members of the Fairholme family gave money to Thomas Blanky’s widow when she was struggling financially in the 1850s, making them, combined, the most generous contributor to her subscription.) 

Middle Tier – Franklin’s Men Who Didn’t Deserve That

#7. William Gibson

Alright, I want to talk about how uniquely horrible the show’s William Gibson is: this is a character willing to lie and accuse his partner of sexual assault that didn’t happen. I get there were extenuating circumstances, but if I were a historical figure who died in some famous disaster and someone depicted me doing something like that? Let’s just say I’m deeply offended on the real Gibson’s behalf. 

What do we know about the historical William Gibson? Not much – but we know a little. Gibson’s younger brother served on an overland exploratory venture across Australia in the 1870s… from which he never returned. (God, the Gibson family had the worst luck?) This description of a conversation that young Alf Gibson had with expedition leader Ernest Giles only days before his death is VERY eerie: 

[Gibson] said, “Oh! I had a brother who died with Franklin at the North Pole, and my father had a deal of trouble to get his pay from government.” He seemed in a very jocular vein this morning, which was not often the case, for he was usually rather sulky, sometimes for days together, and he said, “How is it, that in all these exploring expeditions a lot of people go and die?” 

I said, “I don't know, Gibson, how it is, but there are many dangers in exploring, besides accidents and attacks from the natives, that may at any time cause the death of some of the people engaged in it; but I believe want of judgment, or knowledge, or courage in individuals, often brought about their deaths. Death, however, is a thing that must occur to every one sooner or later.” 

To this he replied, “Well, I shouldn't like to die in this part of the country, anyhow.” In this sentiment I quite agreed with him, and the subject dropped.

(From Giles’s Australia Twice Traversed which you can read here) 

Beyond that, one thing we do know is that William Gibson was probably friends with Henry Peglar – they had served on ships together before, and Gibson may possibly have been the poor fellow found cradling the Peglar Papers, according to researcher Glenn Stein. So we might imagine the historical Gibson as a much kinder man than the show’s depiction of him – this was someone who befriended the clever, playful Peglar we all know and love from the transcriptions of his papers, so full of poetry and linguistic jokes. It’s a shame we didn’t get a chance to meet this real Gibson, who actually knew the Henry Peglar whom we love so well.

#6. Stephen Stanley

Look. There’s that one famous line in James Fitzjames’s letters to the Coninghams about how Stanley went about with his “shirt sleeves tucked up, giving one unpleasant ideas that he would not mind cutting one’s leg off immediately – ‘if not sooner.’” And certainly Harry Goodsir had some mixed opinions of the man, saying was “a would be great man who as I first supposed would not make any effort at work after a time,” and that he “knows nothing whatever about subject & is ignorant enough of all other subjects,” whatever…. that means…. 

But Fitzjames also had some rather nicer things to say about him, that he was “thoroughly good natured and obliging and very attentive to our mess.” Also, the amputation comment? Very likely had a quite positive underlying joke to it – Stanley may not have been much of a naturalist, but he was actually an accomplished anatomist, who won a prize for dissection in 1836, on account of his “bend of the elbow,” which was “a picture of dissection,” according to Henry Lonsdale, who also called Stanley his “facetious friend” and “a fine fellow” (Lonsdale 1870, pg. 159). So, the real Stanley probably was rather droll, but the perpetually cruel Stanley of the show misses some of the real man’s major historical virtues and replaces them with historically unlikely mass-mercy-murder. 

#5. John Irving

Now we’re getting into the territory of characters who did get some good development, but are missing a bit of historical nuance. As I’m sure many of you know, the historical Irving was indeed very religious, but the flashes of anger (i.e. against Manson) we see from Irving in the show don’t seem terribly consistent with the Irving depicted in this memorial volume, where John seems more like a quiet, bookish, mathematically inclined young man, with a self-deprecating sense of humor and a gentle sweetness. It’s really not at all far off from the version of Irving we see with Kooveyook in the show – I just wish we could have seen more of that side of Irving. 

Top Tier – The Triumvirate of Polar Friends

So, these three DO have many good things to recommend them in the show, but because I’ve done such deep research on them, it can be quite jarring to watch certain scenes in which they behave contrary to their historical personalities, and I find myself pausing when watching the show with friends or family to explain that NO, they wouldn’t do that! 

#4. Sir James Clark Ross

First thing – we LOVE Richard Sutton. He did a beautiful job with the material given to him. (This is true of all the actors on the list, frankly, but it’s doubly true here.) But that scene at the Admiralty where Sir James tells Lady Franklin “I have many friends on those ships, as you know,” to shut down her argument for search missions? At that time (aka 1847), historically, Sir James Clark Ross was actively campaigning for search missions, planning routes and volunteering his services in command of any vessel the Admiralty even vaguely contemplated sending out. You could see this real-life desperation in Sir James’s morose attention to his whiskey glass in that scene if you’re really trying, but I think the more historically responsible thing would have been to make vividly clear that James Ross risked life and limb, as soon as he possibly could, to try to rescue Franklin and Crozier and Blanky, men he’d known and cared about and bitterly missed – and, in the case of Crozier, “truly loved.” 

#3. Sir John Franklin

The historical Franklin had plenty of flaws – his contributions to British colonial rule certainly harmed no small number of people, and we should question the way that heroic statues of Franklin are some of the only memorials that serve to honor the lives lost on Franklin’s expeditions – especially considering the steep body count of not only Franklin’s final voyage, but his previous missions in Arctic regions as well. (DM me and I’ll scream at you about counter-monuments! Is this a promise or a threat? Who knows!) With that said, most contemporary accounts agree that Sir John Franklin treated his friends, his family, and those within his social orbit with kindness, and his cruelties were systemic, not personal. In this light, the image of Sir John viciously tearing into Francis Crozier’s vulnerabilities in the show feels very off. Though there was certainly some friction over Crozier’s two proposals to Sophia Cracroft, historically speaking, there’s no evidence at all that Sir John discouraged her from marrying Francis – Sophia may have had many reasons of her own (*clears throat meaningfully in a lesbian sort of way*) for not accepting any of the several marriage proposals offered to her (from Crozier as well as from others), and we ought to keep in mind that she remained unmarried all her life. The notion that the real Sir John would have considered Crozier too low-born or too Irish to be part of the Franklin family isn’t grounded in historical fact.

#2. Lady Jane Franklin

Again disclaimer: the real Lady Franklin left behind a legacy with much to critique. Those who rightfully point out the racism of her treatment of the young indigenous Tasmanian girl Mathinna should be fully heard out. Observations of her own contributions to imperialism are important and valid. Though I tend to see her feud with Dr. John Rae as somewhat understandable – given that Lady Franklin didn’t have the benefit of our hindsight knowing Rae was correct – the levels of prejudice that she enabled and even encouraged in the writing of Charles Dickens when he attempted to discredit Inuit accounts of Franklin’s fate are inarguably deplorable. These things being said, everything noted for Sir John re: Sophia Cracroft goes for Lady Franklin as well – there’s no reason to imagine a scene where Jane would bully Francis Crozier within an inch of his life, seconds after a failed second proposal, when, historically, Lady Franklin felt the situation was so delicate that it required the quiet and compassionate intervention of Sir James Clark Ross, a dearly loved mutual friend to all parties. Tension does not imply aggression; conflict is not abuse. We know this can’t have been an easy experience for the historical Francis Crozier, but the picture is a lot more complicated than what can be shown in one small subplot of a ten-episode television show. Because of this complexity, however, Lady Franklin’s social deftness suffers in the show. (I could also write an entire essay about Jane Franklin’s last shot in the show, at the beginning of Episode 9: The C the C the Open C – TL;DR is that framing is very important, and, at the very last moment, the show reframes Lady Franklin as a mutilated corpse, a speaking mouth without a brain, which is….. a choice.)

And, at number 1, the person done most dirty by The Terror (2018) is….

#1. Charles Frederick “Freddy” Des Voeux 

Look. I’m biased here because I am fed daily information about the historical Freddy Des Voeux from @frederickdesvoeux​ so I’ve become, I think understandably, a bit attached. 

But this is very plainly the clearest cruelty the show does to a historical figure – the historical Des Voeux was a very young man (only around 20 when the ships set sail) known always as “Frederick or Freddy” to his family, and described by all parties as bright and sweet – Fitzjames said that he was “a most unexceptionable, clever, agreeable, light-hearted, obliging young fellow, and a great favourite of Hodgson’s, which is much in his favour besides,” and described him cheerfully helping to catch specimens for Goodsir. Des Voeux is named “dear” by Captain Osborn in Erasmus Henry Brodie’s 1866 poem on the Franklin Expedition (43) and Leo McClintock reported the young man’s well-known “intelligence, gallantry, and zeal” in his 1869 update to his account of the Franklin Expedition’s fate (xlii). None of this is consistent with Des Voeux’s behaviour in the show, especially in the later episodes. 

To reduce Des Voeux to an easily-detested figure, over whose death one might cheer, is not a kindness – the creation of a narrative where his death is satisfying does damage to the memory of a real person, a barely-more-than-teenager who died in the cold of the Arctic and left behind only scraps of a shirt and a spidery signature in the bottom margin of a fragmentary document. 

Television shows may need their villains, but it’s important to remember that real life isn’t like that. Surely the historical Frederick Des Voeux was most likely not a perfect person, and, as an upper class officer contributing to a British imperial project, he does bear some responsibility for the harm done by the Franklin expedition, but it’s not accurate to assume he was any less worthy of sympathy than the other officers who considered him a friend – those men whom we now venerate, like James Fitzjames. So as far as I’m concerned, Freddy Des Voeux deserves at least as much consideration, care, and compassion from us. 

[dustofbrokenheart]

The Covenant: Lazy, Summer Day

Tyler Simms x Reader

Word Count: 1,650

Summary: Tyler and reader enjoy a day on the water to get away from the heat. Based on this post by @saviorsong​ which you should all totally check out! 

“I called in sick?”

“Yeah, this morning. See? We crossed your name off the schedule and everything.” A finger tapped rapidly on the big whiteboard that had everyone’s name written in dry erase marker.

Sure enough, there was a hastily drawn line going right through the middle of yours.

They really had thought you weren’t coming in. “That’s impossible,” you said confused. “Because I didn’t call in sick.”

“Alright, alright. I believe you,” the supervisor said. “You’re one of the normaler ones that we have and a normal person wouldn’t have driven clear across town when they already had the day off.”

Both of you stood there scratching your heads. Your thoughts were leaning towards this possibly being a dream. You had weird dreams all the time, right? And it wasn’t unlike you to be dreaming of work even when you were off the clock.

There was a good chance you would wake up any second now, still swaddled in bed sheets.

The supervisor had a completely different reaction. “Well, the building ghost strikes again! They must’ve called on your behalf knowing how hard you’ve been working. Just take the day off. We’re covered anyway.”

“Are you sure?” you hesitated. It felt weird taking the day for yourself when you were perfectly able to work. “Since I’m here, I could do—”

“Nope. Enjoy some of this weather. Summer is almost over, you know.”  

With that you were ushered out the door and left standing on the concrete sidewalk, not a clue as to what you should do.

There were always things to be done at the apartment. You hadn’t cleaned the bathroom in a while…yikes. Tyler also had his collection of expired leftovers in the fridge that he was terrible about tracking of.

Oh! You could wash the cars, too! Tyler had finally gotten rid of his monstrosity of a Hummer a few summers back in favor of a classic sixties car that Pogue had helped him fix-up. He liked to keep it spotless.

Speaking of his car…you looked up and noticed it parked across the street. And it was definitely his. Not only were there not many of them still out on the roads, but that was clearly Tyler smiling at you in the driver’s seat as he waved you over.

“Were you flagging me down this whole time?” you asked. He nodded with a heavy dose of enjoyment sparkling in those baby blue eyes. “Sorry. It’s been a weird morning.”

“Didn’t expect to have to day off?” Tyler’s smile becoming more pronounced.

“Of course not—wait,” you trailed off in realization. “It was you. You’re the one who called in sick for me!”

He stroked your wrist through the window with his thumb. “You caught me. But don’t be mad, I promise it was for the greater good.”

Greater good? You raised both eyebrows. “And what’s the ‘good’ in question?”

“Weather man predicted we’re supposed to hit high eighties today. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t drag you to the lake house to take advantage of it?”

“That’s a terrible excuse, Ty.”

“Fine,” he admitted with a laugh. “How about you’ve been working this whole summer, and I miss you and want to do something nice for you?”

On the inside you felt yourself vibrate with excitement but you tried to keep it together. You shouldn’t encourage him making plans without you, especially when they disrupted work, but you were a sucker for surprises. “Better,” you admitted with your nose titled up.

And he knew that. Knew that you weren’t really cross with him as he turned the engine over, jolting the car to life with a heavy rumble. “Come on, my lady. I promise that it’ll be fun.”

The lake house in question referred to one of several Simms family properties in Massachusetts, appropriately named for it’s position right next to a small, picturesque lake. The area was naturally beautiful with shimmering water that was encased by tall, shady trees that were a godsend when the sun became too much to handle.

The drive there went like it always did: fast, thanks to a good playlist and easy conversation, and soon Tyler was pulling up to the lake house.  

Not wanting him to fixate on the fine dust the gravel kicked up, and how it was dirtying the car, you leaned over the center console to kiss him. It was just long enough to steal his attention.

When his hand cupped the back of your head, you pulled back. “Last one to the dock has to use the tacky orange kayak!” You stuck your tongue out at him as you dashed out of the car and towards the dock.

Unprepared for the challenge, Tyler sputtered as he tried to take his seat belt off with clumsy fingers.

You ran around the outside of the house and dodged trees as best as you could, laughing the whole way. You may have gotten the head start but you could hear the tell tale sounds of the man gaining ground behind you.

The dock was so close you could picture your victory as. Only a few steps more, you would’ve had it.

Then two arms wrapped around your middle in a steel tight grip, halting you in your tracks. A large exhale was forced out of your lungs at the sudden impact.

“No fair,” you whined. Slumping back into his embrace, you turned to look at his smug face. “I can’t match your stupid arm strength.”

Tyler laughed, the argument a familiar one. “We’ve been over this. If you can use the element of surprise, then the element of muscle is fair game.”

That was the agreement but that didn’t mean you couldn’t pout. Not everyone was blessed with good genetics and years of a background in competitive swimming.

“Well, let’s consider this a tie then because I refuse to use that hideous orange boat.”

Tyler hummed, the vibration noticeable against your back. “Nope,” he said. The answer was abrupt and before you could get another word out, you were sailing through the air, lake water rushing to swallow you up.

The shock made your lungs seize up and your limbs flailed in the haze of the foggy water.

Breaking the surface, hair and clothes plastered to your skin you paddled around to glare at him. The effect didn’t have the ferocity you hoped for because he merely but his hands on his knees and laughed so hard it seemed like he might tip over.

Dodging the water you splashed at him, he got the laughs under control and walked to the edge of the dock to give you a hand. You glared at it personally offended by the gesture. Those were the hands that had just thrown you in without any warning.

But Tyler was patient and held his hand out steadily until you were ready to grab hold of it. For a moment, you debated trying to sink him to the murky depths along with you, but as his impressive looking biceps flexed under the warm glow of the sun, you realized you’d have to take revenger later when you were more certain of your success.

With the added help, you hauled up to the dock. The access water from your clothes ran off, darkening the wood in random splatter patterns, and you realized for the first time that it was pretty hot out.

The sun was bright even with your hand covering your eyes as you looked up; not a cloud in the sky as the bugs buzzed around lazily.

“Sorry.” Tyler fidgeted awkwardly, bringing your attention back to down earth. “I didn’t mean to be, well, mean.”

“Most people would think you’re an angel but you surely have a competitive streak, Tyler Simms.”

He shrugged apologetically. After a moment, he stood up and called over his shoulder as he jogged away. “I’ll go grab a towel for you. Meet me in the cabin!”

It was hard to stay mad at him. Especially when he tried to make up for it by doing something cute, like literally running to get a towel. He really was puppy-like; a little reckless but very contrite when he realized he messed up.

True to his word, he did bring you a towel along with a whole bag of clothes he had packed for the trip. Figuring it’d be a waste to dry your hair—you’d be on the water soon again any way—you settled for patting down the rest of your body and changed into extra clothes.

After Tyler managed to coerce you into putting on sun block (he was strict about it, likely leftover from his swimming days, while you tended to be lazy about it), it was back to lake where each of you set off in a kayak.

And even though he had won the bet earlier, he took mercy and neither of you had to row in the garish orange kayak; a mercy on both pairs of eyes, to be sure.

The sun turned sweltering before it had even reached its highest point, the heat feeling like pin pricks all over your body. The water definitely helped. Between kayaking, swimming, and even a brief diving contest off the end of the dock, you kept cool enough.

Enjoying a late lunch under the shade of a large tree, you felt the pull of an after-lunch nap calling your name.

Tyler noticed the way your eyelids drooped and laid down on the blanket and pulled you into his chest. “Nap time?”

Utterly content, you nodded languidly.

“Alright then, let’s nap.” He pressed a soft kiss into your hair. “Thanks for letting me drag you here. This is perfect...”

The was the last words you heard as the summer heat, filling lunch, and buzz of cicadas lulled you to sleep.

_______________

We could all use a summer day like this. I’m contemplating writing more based on the other boys’ preferences too, but we’ll see. Hopefully this one was enjoyable! 

[the-midnight-feline]

¤¸¸.•´¯`•¸¸.•..>> So this piece is actually part of the Piliin mo ang Pilipinas Collab event hosted by @lumpiang-toge, you guys should seriously check this out since the works posted there are such good reads ❤️️<<..•.¸¸•´¯`•.¸¸¤

this is the first time i've joined a collab, (ngl i thought i was waaay in over my head lol) i'd like to thank a friend of mine, Dylan, (won't tag his blog just cause, loves you for reading it !) thanks so much for the encouraging words ❤️ and of course Mama Rae (@hq-girl-next-door) for the advice on the banner**❤️

**For the banner I did, I took the image from pinterest, if you guys know who the artist is, please let me know so I could properly give credit to them :)

Tags/TW: Mutual pinning-ish, friends to lovers, fluff to angst, Cheating, swearing (I think theres one or two in there)

(A/N: Please don't get too confused /-\, the italic parts is you recollecting the past, it comes and goes (。♡‿♡。))

WC: 3.8k ;-; didn't know it get that long

Pairings: Tendou Satori x fem!Reader

Summary: It all started with a simple crush, you wouldn't have guessed that it'll be more than that, It was a dream come true to loved and be loved by the person you loved, but not all dreams end good, some end as a nightmare.

“You like the Guess Monster, like THE Guess Monster?!?!” your friends shouted in unison, looking at them frantically as you’re in the gym watching the guys warm up for a practice match and the way they shouted had the sounds of balls hitting the floor just below where your group sat, you willed yourself to look at the who were the people below you guys trying repress the blush you feel creeping on your cheeks, swallowing that lump on your throat as you peaked just a little over the ledge and saw his red hair. Internally cussing out your so-called friends, you tired to act like you calm and collected as he was looking up at the bleachers, maybe trying to guess which one in your group, who was also looking over at whoever heard them, liked him, shaking his head, chuckling toward Ushijima and Semi who was already making their way to the court to get this warm up started.

A single tear began rolling down your cheek as you remembered how it all began, your friends’ sudden outburst in the gym gave you the opportunity to talk to the guy you’ve been crushing on when you first saw him in the opening ceremony just something about him drew you to him and you were adamant on getting to, at the least, know him. Sitting on the floor of your shared bedroom, opening the memory box you and your husband made a few months after you started dating.

Semi knew your friend, he actually liked her and from that outburst of theirs at the gym, he 89immediately thought of a way to hit two birds with one stone. “hey, y/f/n, I heard you guys at the bleachers, sooo” scratching he neck out of shyness “which of your friends like our Tendou? Maybe we could setup a date or something?" He really liked your friend and would honestly do anything to get her on a date, she pointed to you, the quiet in of the group, usually the source of rationality and guidance, the one that acts like the mediator of the group. You really always kept to yourself, didn’t really want to attract attention towards yourself. Semi was skeptical at first, you the quiet, shy girl of the class liked that loud ass friend of his? Maybe y/f/n was pulling his leg, she can’t be serious.

A bitter laugh escapes your lips as the memory of your first date comes crashing on you as see the pressed flower from the little hole in the wall café near the school, Semi was the one that found that café and planned every detail of the date.

As you and your friend were walking towards the café Semi told her about, you were itching to just keep hitting your friends back “why the hell did you fucking agree to this?!!” you hissed at your friend, you were practically shooting daggers at her for saying yes on your behalf and you didn’t even know what she agreed to but she told you to get dolled up, silly you, thinking that it’ll be just a girls day out, but peering over her shoulder as your guys walk out of the dorm, you see her texting Semi, thinking maybe it was him asking for notes since they were in the same class. She led you to this small café and you guys sat at a corner booth, making you sit inside by the wall, you really thought nothing of it, until you saw that distinctive red hair bounding towards your booth. Your palms got a tad sweaty, nerves getting the best of you, a million thoughts racing in your mind that you didn’t notice that the Tendou Satori was there taking the seat opposite of you in the booth, the ever infectious smile directed towards you and you alone. Seeing as you and Satori were basically having a silent conversation with just your smiles, Semi and your friend made a discreet exit and left you two be. Little did you know, he often saw you around, he knows you like shounen jump as much as he does since he sees you go to the store he usually goes to, he knows what snacks you liked since he usually goes out at the middle of the night to get some snacks of his own at the convenience store around the corner. He sees you in the library with your nose buried in some book when he follows Semi there just to annoy him. Tendou didn’t tell anybody about the girl he liked from afar, he knew he’d scare you off, no one wanted to date a Monster, or that’s what he thought.

Looking back, that impromptu date was what started the relationship with Satori, a soft sob escapes your lips as tears gently fall on the first picture you have together, he suddenly rang you up and asked you to go to the mall with him. In the picture, he had his arm wrapped around your shoulder while you were hugging his waist tightly, seemingly scared that being with him was a dream you don’t want to wake up from.

Getting out of the shower, you hear your phone ring from under your pillow, confused as to who might that be since it was an unknown number calling you, curious you answered it. “hey y/n! I know it’s kinda out of the blue but, you wanna go to the mall with me?” shock was evident in your body, it was Tendou! Your thoughts was scrambling, you know you didn’t get a chance to give him your number before you guys parted ways on your first meeting since Coach Washijo made Ushijima contact both guys for a weekend practice. You knew the coach was a hot head and would make anymore run 50 laps if they were late and that was a few weeks ago, a worried Tendou called out to you again “uh…y/n? If you have other plans I totally under-“ blinking back to the present “I’d love to go! Lemme get ready and I’ll meet you down” you cut him off midsentence hearing a small chuckle at the other line “don’t make me wait too long ok?” he said in a teasing tone which made you giggle on the line “yes, yes Satori, I’ll hang up so I could get ready ok? See you!” it took every ounce of self-control to not shriek the whole conversation, once he hung up you were practically jumping on your bed out of pure joy, but then you remembered that he’ll be waiting, you quickly snapped out of it and looked through your dresser for a decent outfit for going out with Tendou, you quickly settled with a simple get up of a long sleeved shirt and pants with some sneakers on, you excitedly exited your room, to meet up with Tendou, hoping you haven’t made him wait too long, turning the last corner you see him outside your dorm, almost wearing the same thing as you, even the color of your shoes match, biting your lip to stop a stupid smile from taking over you walk up behind him, gently poking his side, his sudden jump made you giggle as he took in all of you, a smile makes its way on his lips and eyes as he himself lets out a chuckle. “y/n? Are you copying me?” shaking your head, letting a small laugh out “Satori, please you’re the one copying me here” he just shook his out of amusement when he saw the glint of teasing in your eyes before he offended his arm to you like a gentleman would, the small action made you faint blush.

You two spent the day just walking around the mall, just browsing from store to store, having just a blast at all the random comments he makes, the last stop you guys make was the arcade, you guys played all sorts of games, air hockey, tried your luck at a pachinko machine and Tendou even tried the basketball game, which he surprisingly good at that he won a lot of tickets getting you a small rubiks cube, but near the back of the arcade something caught your eye, a purikura, Tendou saw where your eyes went and with a small smile he took your hand and walked towards the machine, and ushered you in the booth, he felt at comfortable around you, he would’ve never guessed that you were a crack head like, random outbursts of ideas and thoughts spouted from you made him laugh as you spent time together. He quickly wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to him, a flash went off, that was the first shot, with the blush creeping on your cheeks you hid your face under your hair and hugged him another flash went off, that was the second shot, he tipped you head up, making you look at him, his infectious smile directed at you as another flash went off, and the last shot was of him kissing your forehead. You were left speechless after that whole scenario, seemingly in a dazed as he guided you out and grab the prints of the photos. That’s how you guys ended the date, he held your hand in his all the way back to the dorms, placing a chaste kiss on your cheek as you parted ways.

Rummaging further through the memory box, you see all the mementos you both kept from your dates, a few fallen leaves, a couple of pretty rocks, stickers, napkins, flowers, pictures, the cork from the bottle of champagne you drank at your wedding. More tears fell from your eyes as you dug through all the stuff in the box, who knew you both collected a lot of things in just a couple of years. What made you sob so hard was the acceptance letters you both got when you were selected as the few students for the incoming year.

A few months before graduation, you both got accepted into a culinary school in Tokyo, you were ecstatic as this means you and Tendou could get a place together since your parents already gave you two a small amount to get a place near the school so you two could still practice and create new dishes together, it was really no surprise to your friends or the whole volleyball team that you two would get into culinary school, you’ve always had a thing for cooking, you’d often come their practices with some bento boxes for all of the guys so they don’t have to go out and spend for food, on the weekends, the kitchen was his domain he’d let you watch him bake and oftentimes let you help him out. It’s often that the whole group get together during the weekends, you cooking for them while Tendou makes that dessert. For some reason, they got jealous of how your relationship started, it was as if all the pieces just fell into place at the right time, you two together just seemed right like you two were always suppose to be with each other. There’s always been a carefree air around him, it calmed you down so much that it helped you be more open or that’s how you saw it. You were the opposite of him always worrying, always, over thinking, being overly critical of your actions and how you overwhelmed with everything so you turned to anything that’ll help you divert your mind but once he was in your life it just got easier. He voice would immediately calm the voices spewing negative thoughts I had your head.

Looking around your room, you see pictures of you together, your graduation picture, the picture of you guys on the front of the school, the picture of your guys graduating culinary school, a photo of you two at the restaurant where you two both apprenticed and next to that was the candid shot of his proposal there, a mix of joy and hurt shoot through you as you the memory come rushing back to you.

The way he sheepishly confessed that he asked the manager if he could do his proposal there and invite your family and friends for that surprise. “Hey y/n, come with me, a customer just complained about the sauce you made being too salty, I’m not taking blame for that!” an angry chef came shouting at you, shocked and anxiousness dunning through you, you timidly follow behind him, thinking how you could screw up a simple sauce like that, your thoughts were everywhere, but once you stepped outside the kitchen you noted that the dining area was dimmer then usual, but maybe that’s because you’re used to the bright lights of the kitchen, you hear a soft melody playing, it’s one of your favourite songs ‘I Choose' you’ve always related that song to your relationship. On the far wall you see photos of you together, looking around you see familiar faces, his and your parents, your friends, the Shiratorizawa boys were there even the coach came!

The euphoria you felt from having everyone who had been part of your relationship through the ups and downs just had you in tears, your head was fuzzy with the mix of a dozen emotions swirling in you, through a blur of tears you see him kneeling in front of you, he let out a huff of breath to calm his nerves before asking you the question “y/n, my love, my baby, my better half, my paradise. You’ve stuck by my side through my highs and lows, loved me unconditionally, took care of me whenever I got sick, urged me to follow my dreams, guided me into being a better guy, especially with my chocolate making you supported my dreams like no other can, you, you made my world complete, you made me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time, you gave me your heart to cherish and protect. You made my life whole” the words flowed out of his mouth so freely, every word making more tears come out of you, every word so heartfelt, with shakey hands we presented you a pear cut yellow emerald ring “My Paradise, would you do me the honor of being my paradise for eternity?” no words could express how happy you were nodding your head, trying to stop happy tears from falling a hushed ‘yes’ slips past you lips as he stands to slip the ring on your left hand, pulling you in for a tight hug, whispering endless I love you’s and thank you in your ears as the people around you cheered for the newly engaged couple.

Biting back another sob, you feel fresh tears streaming down your cheeks as your eyes land on your wedding photo above the bed, he loved you enough to marry you, he was yours and you were his, you can’t help but stare at the framed photo, he had that infectious smile of his that made you fall from him the day you saw him. He has you up in his arms as your arms were wrapped around his neck, pecking a sweet kiss on his cheek. You asked him many times if he’d like to blowup another photo from your wedding, he simply shook his head and wrapped you up in his arms “you’re perfect in any picture of us, but in that one you look like the most perfect human being in existence and I’m just lucky to have you in my life” you basked in his love and affection on those simple words pulling him closer and burying you face on his chest, inhaling his sweet scent “I’m lucky to have you Tori, lucky to be called your wife” placing a chaste kiss on his chest as you look up to him with love-struck eyes. This was it you guys moved countries after your wedding to France since Tendou was offered a job at a famous pâtisserie there, all you wanted was your husband happy, wherever you guys may be.

You never really cared where you two were, as long as you were together, you could get lessons on the French cuisine as Tendou works, that was the plan before you guys flew out. You worked hard to learn the basics, you’d often have Tendou taste test all your creations and you’ll you the same for him since he likes to experiment with different flavor combinations, things were great the first few months of moving cross countries, you enrolled in a cooking classes there to build up your repertoire and after a few weeks of learning a few new techniques you've decided to look around for places you could work at just to keep your body busy again. You've decorated the apartment the way you liked it and how you think Tendou would like it, just adding different odds and ends giving it a familiar vibe. This place was your starting ground.

When you got a job at the nearby bistro, Tendou didn’t really mind it, since he’d often come home a bit later then usual saying something along the lines of making things in the experiment lab with the other chocolatiers at the shop to have something new for the upcoming season, in turn you thought nothing of it since you do work nights after getting a gig in a restaurant in town as well, it also means you could still have time to make his dinner and keep it warm for when he gets home. You two actually got into an argument when you got that gig since Tendou was adamant about keeping you in the apartment after the morning shift at the bistro so you don’t work yourself too hard, he wanted to start thinking about getting a kitten to keep you company when he’s out working but you argued back that you didn’t wanna feel like mooching off of him even though he said it was fine, he loved coming home to a warm meal that you made with love and gets more time to spend with you, but he did cave in after a few bats of your eyelashes.

It was perfect, you both were doing what you were passionate about, you two scheduled your offs near each other’s so one could take care of each other after a long day. But there was this weird feeling creeping in you but you simply don’t know why it was there, you and Tendou always kept communication open since you two do work different shifts and that itself puts a strain in the relationship but you two made it work. You loved him. So you would really sacrifice anything for him, he had have a rough childhood, he was bullied cause he looked different, acted different, but he wasn’t like that for you, he never was, even though he had a wicked sense for things which really surprised you, you can’t even hide a gift from him cause he knew what you’d get him or more likely sense what you’ll give him.

You don’t tell him that you swapped shifts with someone so you technically have a day off so you decided to drop by the pâtisserie where Tendou worked with some home made Pan Bagnat since it was nearing lunch, as you were close to the shop you saw his figure near the window placing new confections on display, but something made you stop, another person, a female chocolatier, was hugging him from behind and not in a friendly way, there was familiarity to it, it looked as if she’s been hugging him for so long, like she’s always hugged him, you didn’t notice that you’ve dropped the basket you were holding on the sidewalk, the glass bottle shattering on impact, the sangria spilling on the pavement, the sandwich you made, making a mess, the fruits you packed rolling in every direction. People around gasped at the scene, some tried to help in picking up the fruits that escaped, your mind in thought again, maybe you just interpreted it wrongly they’re just so so close, like a brother and sister kinda way, since they both work in the shop, you simply jumped to conclusions too fast, those thought completely vanished as the next sight you saw.

She kissed him. SHE KISSED HIM!! Your mind played that in your head like it was a song played on a loop. That was what made your heart break, that was the tipping point, he didn’t push her away, it was the opposite, he pulled her closer, the way he held her mirrored how he would hold you when he came home from work, people around you were asking you things trying to snap you out of your trance but you paid no mind to them, your legs moving on their own.

It was as if you were on autopilot, you got home, your mind racing with so many thoughts, how long had that been going on? Is she why he’d come home later than usual, is she the reason he had woken up earlier to get to work everyday? Did he spend his days off with her when you suddenly get shifts? Walking into your apartment, you didn’t know what to think, how to feel, how to make sense of things more questions come into your mind. Does he bring her here? Did they do anything sexual in the place you called home? What places were safe? Did she please him better than I did? You walked into your bedroom where the memory box laid in the middle of bed. It was your first wedding anniversary, did he really forget? Your anniversary was engraved on your wedding rings with your initials on it.

A scream of agony escaped your lips as everywhere you looked at it was all you and him the very place you thought was the safest of all was not. It's tainted with infidelity, your heart broke even more as you took the box from the bed with shaking hands contemplating on whether to open the box or not, he loved you with every part of him didn’t he? You were enough weren’t you? You made sure he was satisfied right? You gave him all the love you could and even more right? Didn’t he promise you that he’d protect your heart? You're still his paradise right? He loves you right?

Maybe opening the box, and finding something that you both placed in there would make him rethink his choices right? With broken sobs and uneven breathing, your fingers shaking as you pulled the pretty red ribbon that held the lid shut, looking at all the things that you both collected that reminded you both that you loved each other you broke even more. Every one of them held the promise of love, of fidelity, of trust. But now, a part of you is doubting every word that passed his lips, every kiss that landed on your skin made you feel dirty, every I love you's he uttered seems like a lie. You didn’t want to feel that way, you love him with every part of your being, you’re THE Mrs. Satori Tendou, no one else but you had that title, just you, it was only you right? You were his paradise for eternity right? Right?

★──────────★───────────────★─────────★

I hope you guys liked this, I actually really liked working on this one(played my brokenhearts plays it nonstop for it) , but I do have another one coming so...yeah!

Song inspiration :Anong Nangyari Sa Ating Dalawa by Aiza Seguerra

Song used in the proposal I Choose by Alessia Cara