#where was that when she lost her brother and was effectively on house arrest by tony or when she had to kill the lohl

[panthershuri]

and dont get me wrong i love a good villain monologue and hers in MoM was alright i just dont understand the sympathy she gets as the character she is now and not when she was actually a victim

[brotherslayer]

I have read your recent post on reynold eckart forgivenss and you have written that the eckart are selfish, as in they don't want Penelope to have friends. Why do u think that? Just curious.

And how do you thibk that sentiment would have applied to og Penelope. Would they be selfish in thier love with her.

Do you think they might have ruined any potential friendships she could have had.

I have this headcanon that og Penelope might have met this upper middle class girl while shopping and found out they have similar tastes in fashion and the like. The girl would have tried to introduce penny to her other friends who are upper middle class too but the eckarts stopped her from going and forced het to cut of this friendship as she wasn't worthy of them since she was middle class and all.

But this is just a headcanon.

But why do the eckarts not only her to go freely outside. Are they afraid of losing her. Or do they not want her to make friends or run away.

because the Eckarts employed a lady's maid for her but not a lady's companion. She doesn't have a chaperone either. And no personal guard. Which suggests to me that the Eckarts always kept her on a tight leash and rarely let her leave the duchy which would make a chaperone or personal guard obsolete. Chaperones were usually not required in situations where an unmarried woman's father was able to accompany his daughter. And we know Duke Eckart is often busy.

That nobody wanted to work for her is a bullshit excuse. The war had just ended and people who are desperate for money don't get to have a choice.

"Women took positions as companions if they had no other means of support, as until the late 19th century there were very few other ways in which an upper- or upper-middle-class woman could earn a living which did not result in a complete loss of her class status."

There are lesbians, there are asexual women, women who abstain from marriage or women who cannot find a man because the war killed enough people that finding a good marriage partner in your own social class was hard. Daughters lost their fathers and brothers, the only breadwinner of the family. Family businesses had to close because the people couldn't afford to buy certain luxury products anymore or the supply chain collapsed. Particularly because Penelope had no friends and was always "cooped up in her room" (Reynolds own words) it is curious that Duke Eckart never thought about bringing in a lady's companion for her. When no commoner maid besides Emily was willing to attend to her, he could have offered to employ one of Penelope's friends from the streets and train her as a maid. That is to say if she had one.

I think she was never given a chance to have a friendship for the reason that she was either sick, injured or under house arrest. There was nothing to ruin. Penelope might have sabotaged her own chances at a friendship due to paranoia that was caused by the constant bullying. Solitary confinement also has negative effects that encompass paranoia, anger, anxiety, depression etc. The page on effects of long-term solitary confinement states that "inmates are often startled easily, and avoid crowds and public places. They seek out confined small spaces because the public areas overwhelm their sensory stimulation". I can see Penelope just hiding behind a pillar and staring at the wall at social events and then scowling and going into a defensive position when someone wants to approach her. If she somehow still managed to make a friendly acquaintance, the Eckart brothers would sabotage that relationship. Reynold indirectly and Derrick directly. The Duke would be happy that Penelope made a friends tho he might be a bit wary.

They didn't think that she would run away or want to leave. That thought never crossed their mind until Penelope mentioned it. Just remember their surprised faces when she expressed her desire to leave. They are kind of possessive of her. I don't know. I don't understand them either.

[prose-priest-potentate]

In the Interim

Fic on Ao3: Here

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Chapter 5: Meeting the Rebels

They show up at the door to the coffin maker’s shop disguised, with Wixen’s familiar fox face left recognizable when Millivoj cracks the door. 

“You’re back?” He looks suspicious. Hesitant to usher in the woman who had offered to assassinate Wachter as he snuck her back out of the city a few weeks ago, but he can’t afford to let three cloaked figures be seen outside their meeting house for too long, so they’re let in. 

“Yeah.” Wixen strides in without a care, “We found ourselves in extenuating circumstances, so we’re back to help y’all.” The rest of the room, full of half-familiar faces, stares with wide-eyes and mixed emotions as Imrath pulls the hood off his horns and Izek’s form shifts back into his usual appearance.

Millivoj takes a step back. A cautious, hopeful smile starts to creep across his lips. “You are? That’s fantastic. With you all,” he waves them all toward the rest of the group, to a table where a map of the city is laid out, “we stand a real chance.” 

The irony of their hiding place isn’t lost on any of them. They hadn’t even befriended Izek the last time they snuck their way in here to take out the vampire spawn that were too close to invading the city. Another monster under their noses.

Wixen leans heavily over the map that she can’t read to see if she can recognize any streets, and Izek leans in over top of her to check its accuracy. Several people, like Blinsky, shift and stutter away when he does - not wanting to be within range of his claws, but wary to cower too much. Imrath rolls his eyes behind his blindfold and crosses his arms. He’s on edge, curling the forks on his tongue up to keep his patience. He can taste their fear.

“So what’s the plan so far?” 

“Well, our first plan was to arrest Lady Wachter and force her to abdicate…” Imrath nods. Izek straightens up and stares, blank, over Wixen’s head at the mention of force. “But Nikolai and Karl say that she’s been acting more distant than usual, so we’re not sure what’s going on anymore.” 

Wixen shrugs, “I wouldn’t be surprised if dying took it out of her.” 

Behind her, Imrath purses his lips. “It could have radicalized her further…” He muses. His tail swishes thoughtfully.

“What did she- what did you say?!” A young man elbows to the front of the crowd, voice raised. Another puts a hand on his chest to slow him down, but seems equally upset. 

Wixen gives Millivoj a side-eye, and plants her hands on her hips, explaining for the fourth time, “Yeah. I told you last time I was fine taking her out, but you got pissed off about asking for it, so I just did it.” 

The brothers speak in unison, too loud, “Did WHAT?” and “That shit’s not funny.” Their allies shush them and both Imrath and Izek tense up, ready to support or grab Wixen, whichever is called for. Not that she’d need the back up against these two, but they were both still worried she’d torch the place…

Wixen pins her ears back, bears her teeth, and doesn’t give an inch. “I did what needed to be done. With her gone, everything else works out.”

“You didn’t kill our mother, she’s still alive.” The taller brother, Karl, is still very much up in arms, with someone on his arm to keep him from shoving the table and making things worse.

Nikolai is a little more willing to humor the idea. Or is at least more skeptical. “Oh yeah? Then how did you get in without any of us knowing?” 

“Kitchen window.” The brothers share a quick, panicked glance. Izek rolls his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“If she got revived after being killed in her own bed,” Imrath offers, “it wouldn’t be strange that she’s been distant.”

“She’s probably paranoid.” Izek shrugs, and his voice carries more weight than an off-handed comment should. 

The room is silent as Imrath flexes one of his hands. He suggests, “It could be a side-effect. Not all resurrections are the same, least of all here.” 

“You know,” Wixen’s tail swishes past their legs, sweeping up dust, “that little demon thing was really upset at me for killing her.” Imrath feels the shuffling around the table from the brothers. Steps that jumble in his spatial awareness. He steps up, past Izek, beside Wixen, and leans over the map he clearly cannot see. Just, putting his body in the way.

“It doesn’t matter, really. She, in whatever form, still needs to be deposed, right?” When he inclines his head, it is directed at Karl, whose shape pulled itself from the confusion when he made himself an obstacle. He needs this plan back on its tracks - Wixen’s far too unstable to be challenged these days…

From behind him, Izek speaks. Imrath hates the edge in his voice, and feels his feathers pin back. Good thing no one here understands the way his body betrays him.

“We’re wasting time. What’s the plan?” All business, Izek looks between the assembled crowd. A man he recognizes as a hunter gestures towards him. 

“Well having you back changes things.” The man sounds about as gruff as Izek does, but is smaller when Imrath focuses on his silhouette. He continues, “Can’t you just storm in and take care of it all? You know, burn some people to cinders.”

Izek is distinctly unimpressed, but content enough with it. He is nodding when Imrath stands back up to his full height, hands on his hips, asking, “Where will everyone else be stationed?”

“Izek kept everyone under his thumb before, surely he can handle a couple of cultists. You two can run in with him, if you’re worried.” 

“That isn’t a plan.” Imrath lets his disappointment through his teeth.

Immediately after, Wixen barks out a harsh laugh, “Sounds like you want us to do all the work. You too scared to bleed a little?”

Blinksy is quick to step in as tensions rise. “No. No, we will help of course.” He stares hard at his conspirators. 

Millivoj, helpfully, suggests that, “It might not be a bad idea for Izek to lead the charge though.”

“There shouldn’t be a charge.” Imrath nods his chin toward the Wachter brothers. “They can let us in whenever they’ll all be distracted. Through both doors, actually.” 

Wixen worms her way under one of his arms to pipe in, “Catch ‘em off guard.” 

Plans continue, with Imrath and Wixen quick to curl their lips at the plans that boil down to ‘you risk your skins for us’ or ‘Izek can just flay them alive.’ Imrath would normally volunteer to take the hits and just be thankful that no one else was being hurt, but the opportunistic hypocrisy hits a little too close to home right now, and he is losing his mother’s patience. He reminds them that they must have had a plan before they agreed to help, so it’s best not to deviate from what they already know - that the three of them are helpful complements to their coup, not an army. 

After no less than an hour of suspicion and thinly veiled insults, everyone settles on similar pages. Wixen lays some more of their cards on the table and promises Imrath’s services in putting their father’s body to rest, which he is of course happy to do. Reluctantly, the Watcher boys settle and tell what they know - about their mother’s weird cult in the basement. A plan is made to call as many of their mother’s “friends” as they can to the house - to invest Nikolai like she’d been pressuring him, and for Karl to let the rebellion in the front door, before both boys go upstairs to keep their sister safe. The best fighters will target the cult, and everyone else will watch their backs. Most of those assembled are happy enough with that; just happy to have the help at all against such bad odds. 

One dissenting voice remains though. 

He hears it as they are saying heading to the door, from the corner of the bedraggled room, lounging on a pile of boards that Imrath remembers climbing to kill a vampire spawn - yet another time when he’d helped this town already. The man is sarcastic in his ears as they go to leave. He might even have let it go in any other time or place. 

He slows to a stop as Izek and Wixen exit before him, and then leans up on his toes to walk quietly around the stairs. The man has moved with a group of companions to lean on the table the coffin maker had cowered under. Imrath wonders if he feels safer now that Izek has left the building. Safe enough to let his tongue get away with him. A silly assumption…

Blinsky is the only soul that feels the tension that rolls off him, and reaches out as he goes to leave as well. The toymaker touches Imrath’s shoulder kindly. Empathy. Compassion. Imrath offers him a fake smile, pats his knuckles, and wishes him a quiet goodnight.

Idle chat continues as Imrath listens, leant against the other side of the wall. He stands too still, waiting for the evidence he needs to be presented on a silver platter. The voice that caught his ire continues, “After all the people he’s killed, I thought he might be giddy to run in and light the whole damn house on fire.” 

Someone else, “Izek hasn’t ever been giddy in his life.” Imrath curls his lip. That isn’t enough.

“Shouldn’t be surprised that the one time he doesn’t want to slit throats is when we need him to. That’d be useful.” The man scoffs and it frays the last of Imrath’s temper. He steps off the wall, rolls himself around the beam of the wall and makes himself known. 

Only a little surprised, the man judges him wrong. 

“Hey, you’re still here! You overheard, right? Some good it’s done, bringing him back, huh? How do you even deal with him on the road?” He smiles, sardonic. “Sleep with one eye open? Or… well-” Some of the others chuckle.

Imrath doesn’t always use the skills Vilgaron taught him with a dagger - doesn’t even keep one on him anymore. But he can still move like he’s supposed to, fluid and quick. He leans in, leans down, leans close and bears his fangs. The man is thin, small in a human way. The kind of person Imrath expects to carry a dagger.

“I should tell you that Izek is the only reason I’m here, helping clean the filth from this village again, because the innocents among you deserve our protection - but do not mistake my tolerance for leave to speak freely.” 

Imrath stands himself back up, looming, digging deep for the influence in his dragon blood. “Because I am courteous, I will warn you once. I will not allow you to condemn Izek for the same violence that your rebellion was begging to take advantage of.” 

The man pushes himself up from his seat, crowding Imrath’s chest. “You’re pretty damn stupid if you think he does anything for anyone but himself. I bet he hasn’t admitted to any of it, right? Do you know how many bones get dug up from shallow graves around there with burns and claw marks?”

That does manage to strike a nerve. Imrath has already decided not to push for any real confessions from Izek, against his instincts to pry. Already decided to blame the real villain in his lofty castle. Already decided to help. Again. 

Still. The rage in his chest isn’t new, though letting it out is. The guilt he’s taught himself to feel is easier to bite down than it ever has been. He growls down at this man who is supposed to be his ally. The man steps back, just a half-step. Good.

Millivoj is behind him, sliding around to step in. The Wachter brothers and several other villagers are gathering around the conflict as well. The room is getting crowded.

Imrath ignores their questions and demands for answers, but loosens his shoulders and steps back as well. He pins his feathers back and blows smoke from his nose. “I know that there will be more bones if we don’t stay, so I am going to clean up your mess for a fourth time. And if I catch you talking about your savior like he’s a beast again, I will show you what a real beast is and bury you my self.”

He turns to leave, and as he excuses himself past the friendlier faces, speaking low in his chest, “He’d do well to learn some tact before the fight.”

Imrath is out the door into the darkness, with his hood back on. He’s trying not to smoke when Izek and Wixen join him from the shadows. They had waited. How sweet. 

“Trouble in paradise?” Wixen asks as they sweep between shadows back to the inn for a few hours sleep. Izek is tense, his footsteps louder than usual.

“Not if he’s smart.” 

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[woman-child91]

Updated Plot for my upcoming Charasuke x Menma series.

Part 1

Menma is going to turn evil on his own free will. Well, sort of? He’s going to go dark when a masked man kills his parents and younger siblings (he’s going to have had 4 siblings in this series.) This masked man wanted him cause’ of the 9 Tails sealed inside of him. His parents die protecting him and his siblings were just lambs to a slaughter.

This causes Menma to sort of turn a bit like Sasuke. He’s going to swear revenge on killing that monster who massacred his entire family right before his eyes. But, I’m still not sure if he’s going to be going to Orochimaru for power or joining The Akatsuki.

Charasuke/Sasuke, is his best friend and he’s totally different than canon Sasuke. (He’s carefree, lazy, soft/compassionate, naïve and a womanizer. He also still has his Dad, Mom and Itachi in this series. The massacre didn’t happen. Although, I might kill off his parents too for dramatic effect. I’m not sure, yet.)

When Menma leaves the village and goes either to Orochimaru or The Akatsuki. Sakura, tries to stop him. Because, if you’ve seen Road To Ninja movie/filler arc you know she loves Menma in this AU. So she tries to stop him. Menma is actually a lot crueler than canon Sasuke was and he doesn’t knock her out. He actually tries to kill her. Because, he’s been giving in to the darkness in his heart. But, a bunch of Jōnin hear the commotion and get there just in time to save Sakura. Menma fights off the Jōnin and kills them. (Some Jōnin are pretty weak from what I’ve seen and I think Menma could easily kill them. I mean, he does take after Minato in personality and skills. He’s a prodigy too. So yeah.)

After he kills them. He starts walking away from the Hidden Leaf village. Tsunade is quickly informed by ANBU of what happened. She tells Teams Kurenai, Guy, Asuma and Kakashi of what happened. She says that Menma is now a Rogue ninja and no longer has any connections with the Hidden Leaf. She forbids anyone from chasing after him. But, a cocky and teasing Charasuke tells her that that’s just what he’ll do. She forbids him and orders him to not go. Charasuke is seriously angry (a rare occurrence but, it happens) at this and goes back to his house.

Itachi who can see how much suffering this situation is causing his little brother. Because, he knows how precious Menma is to him. Well, he asks him, "Why don’t you just go? I’ll pretend I didn’t notice you sneaking out of the house." Charasuke smiles at his big brother and thanks him.

Then, he sneaks out and catches up to Menma. He tries to talk him out of running away. He promises him that he could persuade his Dad of working something out with the Uchiha Police Force. Maybe he could be put under house arrest or something? Menma just laughs at him and tells him that he isn’t going back. Because, he’s realized that worrying about other people makes you weak. His parents worried about him and where did that get them? They’re dead. They’re dead and never coming back. You should only worry about yourself. You should love only yourself. If you love only yourself. You won’t ever have to suffer the loss of others. He’ll never love again. He won’t ever have his heart broken. He lost his Mom, Dad, brothers and sisters. Charasuke tells him that he shouldn’t close his heart. It’s not what his family would’ve wanted. It’s like if he’s desecrating them. It’s like if their sacrifices were in vain. Menma gets furious at Charasuke’s words and asks him, "What could a pampered and spoiled brat like you possibly understand, huh? How could you possibly know what I’m feeling right now? You still have a Dad, Mom and brother! You’ve never lost anything in your pathetic life! How would you feel if someone just came out of the blue and killed all of them right in front of you? While you could do nothing to stop them and… how would you feel if you knew that they all died because of you?!" Charasuke hugs Menma and tries to comfort him with soothing words. But, this just irritates Menma and he punches him. He mocks Charasuke and tells him, "Maybe if you spent a little less time hitting on girls and a little more time training with Fugaku or Itachi you could actually force me to stay. But, you’re no match for me. What could the shame of the great and powerful Uchiha clan possibly do? You’ve always been a joke! You don’t like fighting and don’t like hurting people. Are you even a real Uchiha?" While it’s true that Charasuke may be an extremely compassionate person who avoids violence. He’s still an Uchiha and like every Uchiha. He’s extremely prideful about his lineage and superior visual prowess. So he gets really angry and uses his Sharingan. (I’ve read in Wikipedia and seen in video games that Charasuke has the same abilities as canon Sasuke. So he’s got the Sharingan.) to actually fight Menma. He tells him, "Living in a constant cycle of hate. That’s no way to live, Menma. I’ll stop you. Even if I have to put you under a genjutsu and drag you back to the village if I must!"

The two have their fight and Charasuke proves to be a rather tough opponent. Menma thought he was a weakling. But, he guesses he must have been training more than usual. But, when Charasuke and Menma deliver their final attacks. Rasengan VS Chidori. Charasuke doesn’t have the heart to go through with it and stops the chidori (let’s say it’s actually possible). But, Menma doesn’t stop the Rasengan and hurts him pretty badly. (Of course, he doesn’t kill him!)

Menma (who has always had feelings for Charasuke. But, he’s always tried to ignore them.) looks at Charasuke’s unconscious body one last time before he smiles sadly at him and tells him. "I’m sorry. But, if I stayed with you. I wouldn’t be able to keep the promise I made to myself of not letting anyone into my heart ever again. Goodbye, my idiot."

Menma’s leaving changes Charasuke drastically! No, he doesn’t go evil like his counterpart. He just gives up on being a womanizer. He’s got no time for girls. He’s too busy obsessing over how he’s going to get his "best friend" back. So he’s now become rather dedicated in his training and is always asking his Dad, Shisui and Itachi to train him. Because, he’s obsessed with getting stronger and bringing back Menma. He wants to be a challenge worthy of him. He’s also no longer that bright or cheerful. He’s mostly sad and quiet. He’s also become a bit of an idealist who believes, on breaking Menma’s cycle of hatred. "I’ll create a world with no hatred, no violence, no wars. I’ll create a world of only peace and love. A world where you’ll learn to be happy again. No matter what it costs me."

[lazydoodlesandfanfic]

Process Of Healing (Loki X Stark!Fem!Reader)

Characters: Loki X Stark!Fem!Reader

Universe: Marvel, Avengers

Warnings: Spoilers for End Game, mourning, mention of death 

Request: If you can, could you write a thing for me with a stark!reader who was in a relationship w/ Loki, and after everything is over she keeps to herself, doesnt see any of the others, is in her room a lot, y"know general grieving and self-isolating as a (poor) coping mechanism. And then parallel universe Loki (from where he picked up the tessaract) shows up and asks her to come with him and after a lil hesitation she does? If not dont worry, but I thought I might as well ask 🙂

You knew if your dad could see you now, he’d be dragging you out your bedroom by your leg and making you do things, making you try out hobbies to see if anything stuck- anything for you to focus on. But that was the thing though, wasn’t it. He wasn’t there. He couldn’t see you.

The past 12 years had felt like kick after kick in the gut, and it all started because of a tall handsome man with black hair by the name of Loki. Loki had been wandering Earth long before his invasion started, and in that time you ended up meeting him and you two had started dating. Of course the invasion put that to a halt, but after his arrest Thor had snuck you to Asgard to see him, and seeing his face when he saw you made it clear- his feelings were true and were never an act, and he still loved you. You and Thor kept it a secret from Tony, since you both knew that if he found out his daughter was seeing Loki he’d put you on house arrest despite you being a grown woman by that point. It was only when Thor had to tell you that Loki was dead that Tony found out.

Tony didn’t stop you from going to the funeral, and he held you when you cried your eyes out after Thor had told you. It was only weeks after the funeral did he ask for more details, and you gave them as best as you could. First you told him how you met, how you two had continued seeing each other and how Loki was showing signs of redemption- hell, even his parents liked you because of the positive effect you were having on Loki. You told him about the little things Loki did to show he loved you, how gentle he was with you. Tony had smiled as you told him this, and when you finished, he simply told you “I’m sure that if you had more time, you would have been the one person to be able to rehabilitate him.” 

You tried to get back to a normal way of life after that. You put dating on the backburner for the time being, but whenever things seemed to be going well, then something would happen, like Ultron. You and Wanda ended up becoming basically best friends, and you helped her over the death of her brother. Then there was the Civil war, and the little family and friend group you had made had been torn apart, your best friend and other friends on one side, and your dad and other friends on the other, and at the end, you ended up losing contact with most of them until that damn battle with Thanos. Then you felt that loss again by losing your friends, especially Wanda, and it took about a week for them to find your dad, and he had really changed. You still remembered how he was when he woke up. First when he saw you and Pepper, he hugged you out of relief, before he found out who he lost. he became more serious, he didn’t crack jokes. He was almost bitter, and in the five years since the incident, he never got back that little shine about him that you loved. It felt like you lost part of your dad. 

But then you actually lost him. 

You had been home with Morgan since Pepper had gone to help her husband, and you had been keeping her occupied, playing games with her, keeping her mind busy. Televisions were off, as well as the radios, the only music coming from CD’s and your phone playlists to ensure that you wouldn’t get any announcements or interruptions, just in case it was bad news. You were coming up with solutions in your head to every possibility, the worst solution being that they lost and the snap happens again, in which case you were mentally preparing for what was going to happen then. You’d been through it once, you could do it again, right? 

Eventually there was a knock on the door, and you went to get it, seeing Pepper. Alone. You immediately knew what happened, and you pulled her into a hug, before you went with her to tell your little sister the news. It only really seemed to hit you at the funeral during the projection, seeing him saying goodbye. Actually goodbye, forever. And in that moment, you felt that feeling again. The feeling you had felt when you lost Loki. 

The world quickly recovered and healed, and people were back to doing their thing like they used to. Pepper was getting her life back together, supporting Morgan and everyone was around to help. However you seemed a little… forgotten. You guessed people presumed that since you were an adult, you didn’t need as much support as Morgan, that you’d get up and be fine and to just give you space. But the last time you were like this, you had your dad to help you, but he was gone now. But to top it all off? Thor, before leaving with the guardians, admitted to you that Loki had survived and was in hiding for all those years, only to be killed by Thanos, and he had kept it a secret from you purely to save you the heartache as to not make you mourn all over again. 

You were laid in bed, looking up at the ceiling, just lost in your thoughts. Morgan and Pepper had gone on a trip for the day. They’d asked if you wanted to come and you declined. You didn’t want to get out of bed. What was the point? 

“Y/N?” You heard someone call your name distantly, but you didn’t respond, simply rolling onto your side. You shut your eyes, just wanting the world to leave you alone and stop hurting you. “Y/N?” That voice came back, but this time clearer, and this time you were able to identify it. You opened your eyes, sitting up, and turning to look at the other side of the bed. And there he was. 

“Loki?” You asked, not believing your own eyes. However, as you looked at him, you noticed something… his outfit was the same as the day of the battle of New York… his face seemed… younger, his hair was different, like how it was when you first met. You got up, not sure what was happening. Were you finally losing your mind? He was also examining you, concern and pain in his eyes as he saw the state of you. 

“How long have you been waiting for me?” He asked you.

“...nearly 12 years.” You admitted to him. His mouth became slightly agape in shock. “We had one year after the battle together- I got to see you in Asgard but then… I thought you died, you went into hiding, but we never got to see each other again before you were actually killed… And I didn’t find out until 5 years after that… after my dad died as well… That wasn’t that long ago.” You admitted to him, sniffing.

“Oh, my dear…” Loki came around the bed, putting his hand on your arm to sooth you, and the second his skin touched yours, you realised he wasn’t an hallucination. He was real, and you immediately fell into his arms and clung to him tightly. “I’m so sorry you had to wait so long. I promise I won’t leave your side again.”

Loki coaxed you into taking a shower, and he wrapped you in a bathrobe and dried and brushed your hair for you as you told him about all the things he missed out on in your life. About Wanda, Vision and Pietro, about Ultron, about Thor gaining a beer belly which made Loki laugh, and you smiled at the sound of his laughter. You decided to keep out the part about Asgard being destroyed, at least for the time being. You told him about the first fight with Thanos, and how half the population was lost, and how the team had to fight him again, and that’s how you lost your dad. Loki had been quiet throughout your explanation. 

“I told him about us after I thought you died… he actually accepted it. He even said that I’d be the one thing that got you to be a decent person…” You told him. 

“...Do you think if he was here he’d let me take you away?” He asked. You turned to him confused. 

“Where to?”

“Anywhere. Anywhere you want. Doesn’t even have to be on Earth. Just me and you, seeing the stars, hand in hand, making up for lost time. What do you think?” Loki asked. You thought for a moment. Thinking about what you’d be leaving behind. Your friends. Your family. Taking off and not telling them beforehand would be devastating, you could imagine, but as you thought about it… everyone was healing. Everyone had someone else to rely on. Morgan had Pepper. Pepper had what was left of the Avengers, and the Avengers had each other. Hell, you hadn’t heard from Wanda in a long time- she’d gone off on her own adventures. Why couldn’t you do the same? 

“What do I need to pack?” You asked him, and Loki smiled, leaning in and kissing you for the first time in forever. You finally had him back. You had someone who you loved who will be with you forever and will support you. You could finally heal.

Hope you like it! If you have any questions, please send them in! 

*Not my gif

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[tortilla-of-courage]

Yeah, kind of insane that the Adoption AU started with a 3am Taco Bell run.

I do actually have a few one shots already written for this AU! There's the Taco Bell story, the time Sky got arrested, the time Twilight got shot, a funny story I wrote based on real events with Twi, Wars and Wind trying to cook, and something based on that one picture of the boys playing the floor is lava by cherypaii(? I think that's the url?). And I have a half finished fic about Lullaby reacting to Time's increase in kids I call "Lullaby reacts to Time's Batman-Level Adoption Bullshit", and a half finished fic introducing Wild's twin. So if anyone is interested in reading some of the fun bits for the AU, since I'm still writing for the plot part (although this conversation has given me inspiration and motivation to write the bit where they find Twi after he was kidnapped, so,) then I'd be happy to post them.

And since you mentioned hoping more info would magically appear, consider this magic.

Midna is a mafia princess, and her family immigrated to get away from it. Zant is her cousin, and his parents followed to make sure Midna's parents didn't embarrass the family. She briefly had to move away after the incident where Twi got shot, but she's back before the plot happens.

Twi and Time both have their face markings in this AU. Time had his tattooed on after the FD incident as a reminder of what he's capable of and what he's lost (considering this plot beat's connection to his family and the Order), for better or worse. Twilight was gifted his by Midna after he fought Zant to try and protect her and Dusk from Zant. The markings are traditional Twili tattoos, painted on with some kind of something that acts as a mix of tattoing and henna, and have to be earned. Twilight's represent courage, boldness and sacrifice.

Warriors has a whole plot I've done nothing with involving Cia being, well, creepy as all get out. Basically I read somewhere that a victim of abuse is more likely to end up in other abusive relationships when looking at how Warriors' bio parents being abusive would effect him and then I remembered Cia and decided to be mean to him.

The underground hospital that took care of Wild after the wreck is called the Shrine of Resurrection because I thought that was a cool way to connect that.

I had this stupid idea once that Midna writes purposefully terrible fanfic and a few people suspected she wrote 'My Immortal' for a while, and when she comes back everyone is like "The Chaos Corner guy's brother is dating the lady who wrote My Immortal???" and Midna decides to set the record straight by doing a small livestream on like, Instagram or something where she explains she's actually dating Dusk. She's reapplying Twi's markings as she says this, and is basically in his lap. Twilight spends the whole thing looking like he wants the floor to swallow him.

Rottla is informed by a therapist that she should try and do something since her kids don't feel safe (which, considering Time got stabbed in their living room, not feeling safe is understandable), and decides the best way to fix this is to teach them how to fight. Time and Lullaby are both black belts in several martial arts and can use most weapons well as a result. To Rottla's credit, this does actually work.

The sorority Warriors befriends is made up of the fairies I saved in his game. Because I love those fairies. They're my favorite part of his game. Also, Proxi is here.

Navi lives! She's rescued by the Order, like how the rest of Deku's kids were. She plays the role of a Great Fairy for the order. Her fairies are actually Warriors' sorority. And Tatl, actually.

Saria is a strong contender to become leader of the Order eventually.

Majora is here and I can't tell based on my outline if I have Time kill Majora or not. So, Time potentially kills a man.

Wind has a boat with an old radio connected to a lighthouse where an old man lives. This old man is Daphnese Nohanssen, but Wind always calls him Red. They talk a lot, and Daphnese is glad he has someone who will talk to him because he is very lonely.

Wild has a motorbike (Master Cycle) that it is honestly a miracle he hasn't wrecked yet. He breaks himself but never the bike. Wars has an older car that he's put some elbow grease in and you'd never know it wasn't new. Twilight has a beat up old pickup truck everyone is just waiting to die, but it hasn't yet. This is impressive, considering Twi does drag racing.

Also, Warriors has a tendency to get in fist fights, and between them and Legend (who is never arrested for the same thing twice), Time happens to be on a first name basis with most of the police in the city. The chief has his number on speed dial for when he needs to go pick up a kid.

Wild's friends are all alive and they love him. Flora is laser focused on helping him with his memory issues. And feeding him weird things. For science.

Wild's twin, Knight, is mute. He speaks in sign. He's also a bit blindsided by how chaotic the house is, but he fits in very well. They buy a roomba that Knight tapes a knife to and blames Wild.

At some point I'll write the fic where someone modifies a nerf gun and things escalate until Time shows up with one of those machine gun nerf guns hooked up to a car battery (a modification he did with help from Sheik and Ruto). Who needs depth perception who you can shoot 60 darts per second? It's chaos and when Malon gets back from a trip she takes this week she finds the house in disarray and a hockey puck in the wall. Clean up takes three days, and they are still finding nerf darts in weird places.

This is off the top of my head. I am certain I am missing something.

Forgive the weird formatting, I don't know what happened there.

-Attllhak

honestly i’d love if you ever posted any of the one shots you have already - and i think i saw one or two other people say they wanted to read the story too in the post where you explained most of the plot, so i’m not alone on this aha

Can i say i love how you somehow connected a lot of their games’ original details and made them make sense in a modern setting???? like it can be a hard thing to accomplish but with wat you just told us here it sounds like you did it amazingly and it makes me all the more excited to see what other connections there are!!! 

[bougredane]

Junot and Marmont attempt to stage a jailbreak.

Napoleon runs into trouble post-Thermidor. Some handle it better than others. From the new Junot bio by Sylvain Dubief : JUNOT, Premier aide de camp de Napoléon (1771-1813). French and my translation under the cut.

Funeste jour que ce 27 juillet 1794 : il s’agit du 9 thermidor an II. Maximilien « le sanglant » est enfin déclaré hors-la-loi, et Augustin, protestant la culpabilité de son frère, demande à partager sa peine ; ce qui lui est immédiatement accordé … Ils meurent ensemble le lendemain sur l’échafaud.

D’un seul coup, comme par magie, ce qui encore quelques jours auparavant paraissait impossible … redevient possible ! Les arrogants et implacables jacobins se terrent, n’osant plus sortir, courbant la tête, essayant vainement de faire oublier leurs méfaits, tandis que les nouveaux représentants du Peuple les traquent et recherchent tous ceux qui ont pu les aider à faire couler le sang des vrais patriotes.

Bonaparte comprend, dès qu’il apprend la nouvelle, que son sort va se jouer dans les jours à venir : il faut rester calme, comme le doit rester un innocent, un homme qui n’a rien à se reprocher, et, même plus, un homme qui a déjà rendu de grands services à la Nation.

Les commissaires Albitte, Salicetti, et Laporte déclarent, au nom du Peuple français, que le général Bonaparte a totalement perdu leur confiance par la conduite la plus suspecte et, surtout, par le voyage qu’il vient d’effectuer récemment à Gênes … ils décrètent donc ce qui suit :

« Le général Buonaparte, commandant en chef de l’artillerie de l’armée d’Italie, est provisoirement suspendu de ses fonctions. Il sera par les soins et sous la responsabilité du général en chef de ladite armée, mis en arrestation et traduit au comité de salut public, à Paris, sous bonne et sûre escorte. Les scellés seront apposés sur tous les papiers et effets … »

Le général doit garder les arrêts de rigueur dans la maison où il loue une chambre, la villa du comte Laurenti, sous la garde de trois gendarmes.

Quant à Junot, à l’inverse de son général, il ne décolère pas et court en tous sens. Bonaparte devant un tribunal ? Condamné ? Guillotiné ? Marmont acquiesce à cette révolte : ils doivent, ensemble, trouver un moyen de le sauver. Ils élaborent rapidement un scénario d’évasion, digne de ces deux jeunes militaires fougueux : il suffit de tuer les gendarmes et de s’enfuir ensuite en Italie.

La vieille masure de Château-Sallé résonne des sanglots de la famille Bonaparte. Lorsque’Andoche y arrive, la pauvre mère du prisonnier, Letizia, est dans tous ses états. Il essaye de la réconforter, lui exposant son point de vue, et, l’assurant que s’il faut en arriver aux pires extrémités, il met à exécution son plan d’évasion. Elle n’a qu’à lui faire un signe de la tête pour acquiescer.

Letizia hésite. Elle connaît bien son Napoléon ; il vaut mieux le consulter avant, plutôt que d’entreprendre une action qui pourrait contrecarrer ses propres desseins. Sage décision.

Dès le lendemain, l’aide de camp fait passer discrètement à son général son audacieux projet et reçoit en retour ce billet :

« Je reconnais bien ton amitié, mon cher Junot, dans la proposition que tu me fais ; depuis longtemps tu connais aussi celle que je t’ai vouée, et j’espère que tu y comptes. Les hommes peuvent être injustes envers moi, mon cher Junot, mais il suffit d’être innocent : ma conscience est le tribunal où j’évoque ma conduite. Cette conscience est calme, quand je l’interroge ; ne fais donc rien, tu me compromettrais.

Adieu, mon cher Junot, salut et amitié. »

Bonaparte a raison et, après avoir dicté à Junot lui-même, le 25 thermidor an II (12 août 1794), un courrier adressé aux représentants du peuple, si clair et convaincant, qu’il est lavé de tout soupçon et remis en liberté dès le 20 août. Tout rentre dans l’ordre.

-----

A dreadful day, that July 27, 1794: it’s 9 Thermidor, Year II. Maximilian "The Bloody" is finally declared an outlaw, and Augustin, protesting the guilt of his brother, asks to share his sentence; a request which is granted him immediately ... They die together the next day on the scaffold.

Suddenly, as if by magic, what - even a few days before - seemed impossible ... becomes possible again! The arrogant and implacable Jacobins are holed up, not daring to go out, bowing their heads, vainly attempting to make the public forget their misdeeds, while the new representatives of the People hunt them down, seeking out all those who may have aided in the blood-shedding of the true patriots.

Bonaparte understands, as soon as he hears the news, that his fate will play out in the days to come: one must remain calm, as an innocent person should remain, a man who has nothing to be ashamed of, and - even more - a man who has already rendered great service to the Nation.

Commissioners Albitte, Salicetti, and Laporte declare, on behalf of the French people, that General Bonaparte has lost their confidence completely, by the most suspicious conduct and, above all, by the trip he has recently made to Genoa ... they therefore decree the following:

“General Buonaparte, Commander-in-Chief of the Army of Italy's artillery, is provisionally suspended from his duties. He will be placed under the surveillance and responsibility of the General-in-Chief of said army, arrested and brought before the Committee of Public Safety in Paris, under good and sure escort. Seals will be affixed to all papers and effects… ”

The general must concede to his strict confinement within the bounds of the house where he rents a room, the villa of Count Laurenti, under the guard of three gendarmes.

As for Junot, unlike his general, he is far from calm and flies in all directions. Bonaparte in court? Condemned? Guillotined? Marmont humors this agitation: they must, together, find a way to save him. They quickly develop an escape scenario worthy of two fiery young soldiers: they’ll simply kill the gendarmes and then flee to Italy.

The miserable old house of Château-Sallé echoes the sobs of the Bonaparte family. When Andoche arrives there, the prisoner's poor mother, Letizia, is a mess. He tries to comfort her, presenting his view of the matter, and assuring her that, if it comes down to it, he’ll carry out his escape plan. All she has to do is nod her head to agree.

Letizia hesitates. She knows her Napoleon well; it’s better to consult him beforehand, rather than make a move that might thwart his designs. Wise decision.

The next day, the aide-de-camp discreetly passes on this daring project to his general and receives this note in return:

“I recognize your friendship, my dear Junot, in the offer you are making me; You know well enough my own attachment, which I have long devoted to you, and I hope you count upon it. Men can be unjust to me, my dear Junot, but it is enough to be innocent: my conscience is the tribunal where I speak of my conduct. This conscience is calm when I question it; do nothing - you would compromise me.

Farewell, my dear Junot, be assured of my friendship, and all my best."

Bonaparte is right and, after having dictated to Junot himself, on 25 Thermidor, Year II (12 August, 1794) a letter -  so clear and convincing - addressed to the representatives of the people, he is cleared of all suspicion and released on August 20. Everything is in order once again.

....

Many thanks to @joachimnapoleon​ for mentioning the book ! It’s been enjoyable so far, well-written and engaging, and more exact than the other two Junot bios. 

(Even if he does cite that one super wild novel-thing from the Mercure de France ...)

[thenixkat]

HCs and OCs for a fic

Toyomitsu family: Descended from one of the first giant mutants in Japan. Tend to have monster or animal related transformation quirks in addition to being huge. Own farmland and forested areas all over the Kansai region. The family founded the Devil’s Market yakuza group which has been extremely long-running and focused on buying and selling illicit goods, general goods, and general supplies and labor for larger people. A Toyomitsu has been either the boss or first lieutenant of the Devil’s Market for as long as it’s existed. They had to move out of their Osaka base when All For One set up shop, their current main base of operations is in Esuha city. The family also runs a franchise of butcher shops across most of Japan under the name of Oni Meats which carries a vast selection of animal protein from around the world. Nearly all members of the family have prey drives from their monstrous transformations.

Ma- Manami- (Quirk) Bugbear- transformation quirk. If the user is sufficiently fat then they can transform into a hybrid bear/reptile monster. Has great senses and night vision as well as enhanced strength. Can induce fear by staring someone directly in the eyes. -->Prefers not to be involved with the less legal dealings of the family and Devil’s Market. She’s more than capable of being as much of if not more a terrifying mob boss than her little brother. She just likes farming better. -->Generally doesn’t look people in the eyes unless she doesn’t like them b/c her terror-inducing power stays active regardless of her form. She prefers not to scare folks who don’t deserve it. -->Gets on very well with her sister-in-law, if she wasn’t married she’d steal her brother’s wife. -->Met her husband in a fighting ring. She eviscerated him with her claws and he broke one of her arms and several of her ribs. They started talking while getting patched up. -->Is about 7’10” and built like a well-padded brick house. -->Is the one who judges new recruits into the gang. Tends to have them do farm work for at least a month to get a bead on their personalities.

Pa- Noel ‘Blue Devil’ Diablo nee Toyomitsu- (Quirk) Energy absorption- emitter quirk. Can absorb, temporarily store, and redirect kinetic/thermal/electric energy. Too much energy kept in the body for too long causes reckless and impulsive behavior and hyperactivity. Devil- mutant quirk. Has devil-like horns and a tail. -->Used to be a nomad b4 settling down with his strong beautiful wife. Supported himself on his travels with fighting, gambling, handyman skills, and musical skills. -->Brings nothing to the table in his household other than his good looks, good nature, and knack for fixing things and a broad range of skills. -->Holding in excess energy makes him glow blue, especially his horns. -->Loves his family just so much. Is the goofy dad and great flirty husband. -->Loved to carry his kids until they got waaaay too big for him to pick up. Stands on a char to talk to his kids and wife on their level. B/c they are just so damn tall. -->Is 6 ft tall with a strong build with very little body fat b/c of a side effect of his quirk. He gets cold easily b/c of this and it bothers his joints.

Grandpa- Ryuji ‘The Dragon/ Dread Emperor of Giants’ - (Quirk) Dragon- transformation quirk. Can transform into an eastern dragon or humanoid eastern dragon with the severity of the transformation depending on percentage of body fat. Can also control the weather. -->Controlling the weather means that his farms never have a bad year. He does sell this service on the black market through the Devil’s Market. -->Wanted to be a hero when he was young and stopped when his mom got sent to jail for vigilantism and murder for stopping a serial killer from preying on women in the community -->Retired after a betrayal from some too ambitious underlings lead to a crippling knee injury. Still acts as a source of wisdom for the family and the gang. -->Is the go-to babysitter. -->Prefers to be in his transformed state and hates the anti-public quirk use laws with a passion. -->His full dragon form is as long as a bus and can fly. His humanoid dragon form/human form (sans antlers) is 8’5”

Grandma- Akane- (Quirk) None. -->An ex-mercenary who beat Ryuji in his prime AND in his full dragon form with nothing but some rope and her bare hands. -->Very good with guns and knives -->Takes advantage of the fact that as a plump quirkless woman she tends to get overlooked by people with powers to end fuckers. -->Was the one who got rid of the over-ambitious underlings who attempted a coup against her husband. -->Is about 5’10”, very chubby, wears glasses, and is rather soft-spoken. -->Is an icon to the quirkless members of the Devil’s Market and teaches them how to fight people with powers.

Uncle- Wani ‘The Butcher’- (Quirk) Crocodilian- transformation quirk. Similar to grandpa but crocodile instead of dragon. Has a great sense of smell and hearing as well as night vision. Is bulletproof at full strength. -->A strong proponent of community defense to the point where more people came to him about community issues than go to police or heroes. He gets problems handled permanently. -->Also heavily invested in technology and occult studies to see if there was a way to make life easier for people -->Also prefers to be in his transformed state -->Caught and ate 3 quirk diagnosing doctors in the area who were trafficking children into human experimentation. Managed to rescue most of the kids. -->Was arrested and sent to Tartarus for a string of killing corrupt cops and heroes fucking around in his neighborhood. His family often visits him. -->Fell for his wife when she bet him she could drink him under the table with the loser paying the tab. She won. -->Is about 8 ft tall and at least half as wide b4 going to jail. In prison he rapidly lost weight, the family is planning a jailbreak.

Auntie- Jay ‘Jaybird/Hummingbird’ Johnson nee Toyomitsu- (Quirk) Fast Twitch- emitter quirk. A speedster type. Can move and think at superhuman speeds for a few minutes at a time every hour. Has a very high metabolism and needs to consume large amounts of food in general. -->Was a villain before settling down. Still pulls off a robbery every now and then and has a fondness for gems. -->A Black American who came to Japan to hide from law enforcement after a heist gone wrong. -->Thinks that the way people throw the word villain around to just about any fucker committing any kind of crime while using a quirk really dilutes the word. Thinks that villains need fun costumes and proper themes and intent. -->Her sister-in-law was one of the first women she’s ever met who never criticized her eating habits and she would kill for the other woman. Ride or die friendship. -->Is constantly hungry due to her speedster metabolism and has to eat a lot. -->About 5’8” and leggy with plenty of visible muscle.

Sister- Onini ‘Oni/Gargoyle’- (Quirk) Gargoyle- transformation quirk. Can transform into a stone-skinned gargoyle with the severity of the transformation being dependant on amount of body fat. Heat Sink- emitter quirk. Can absorb, store, and release thermal energy. -->Tried to become a hero but was bullied out of school -->Named after one of her mom’s friends -->Considers cousin Kenji to be effectively one of her brothers -->Became a firefighter and uses her quirks on the job even tho it’s illegal. Not like the people she’s saving are gonna complain. -->Tends to flirt with strong women. -->Actually tends to stay partially transformed b/c she likes having a tail and passes herself off as a mutant -->If she gets too hungry and loses control she can become a heat vampire and freeze things to death while feeding on their body heat. -->Spends a lot of time helping out on the farm and her mother is most likely to pass ownership of the family land to her once she retires. -->The most likely person in her generation of the family to have biological kids. --->Keeps teasing Fatgum about when he’s gonna officially adopt his interns. -->Is about 7’5” and technically is too heavy to fly but she glides pretty well.

Cousin- Kenjiro ‘Kenji/Ken/Shuten’- (Quirk) Fast Oni- transformation quirk. Can transform into an oni with enhanced speed and strength. Transforming causes his metabolism to speed up and he burns fat to stay in oni form. Has a speedster metabolism in regular form, if he doesn’t eat a substantial meal every 5 hours he starts losing weight (fat and muscle) rapidly and is consequently always hungry. -->Would love to stay in his transformed form but can’t due to the timer. -->Is jealous of Taishiro’s height and metabolism so he makes fun of the way Tai’s face looks when he’s transformed. Also jealous of Onini’s ability to not be constantly hungry. -->Is constantly hungry from the day his quirk came in and had to take appetite suppressants during puberty to keep from losing his head and chowing down on anything and anyone in reach during his growth spurts. -->Has been mistaken for Fatgum more than once due to their similar-ish size and clothing choices. It frustrates him to no end b/c he’s way darker than Tai and prefers wearing blue or white. -->Has intentionally eaten people. Most notable example being him ending a war with a rival yakuza group by capturing, butchering, and cooking the rival leader and openly serving him for dinner at the peace treaty/gang merger. -->Strongly supports Fatgum as a hero and the two combine resources to help the community whether that is through funding housing for the homeless or getting a very good tailor the resources to make clothing for specific clientele or sending the other to deal with a situation appropriately. -->Brings a knife to a gunfight b/c he’s a superstrong speedster and a gun ain’t go do shit if you ain’t got no hands. -->Thinks Overhaul is a stupid asshole b/c it’s not that hard to get blood out of a kid or train a kid to be ok with it. -->Is about 7’10” and has heard every short joke under the sun from Tai

Fatgum-Taishiro ‘Tai’- (Quirk) Fat Absorption- Transformation quirk into an uncanny valley cartoony blob man that is as strong as the amount of body fat he has. Can absorb, neutralize, or release kinetic energy. Eyes glow in the dark like a cartoon when his quirk is active. Has a great sense of taste and is incapable of feeling sated/is always hungry. Also has an extremely efficient digestive system that breaks food down in seconds. Can also convert fat into muscle as well as generally having enhanced strength and speed while transformed. -->Was a late bloomer. His quirk didn’t start coming in till he was 8 and it took a while b4 he was fat enough for it to have notable effects. -->Preferred being in his skinnier form during middle and high school due to bullying and self-esteem issues that he didn’t work through until his early twenties. -->Started high school at 5’7” (170 cm) at 14 yrs old and was 8��2 (250 cm) when he graduated at 18 yrs old. Puberty was hell and pants were his enemy. -->Had a friend in hero support who took it as a personal challenge to make him clothing that he couldn’t destroy, that would grow and shrink with him, and that he couldn’t outgrow heightwise either. Ended up inventing ‘indestructible pants’ and making bank. -->Does not have canine teeth due to a mutation related to his quirk. Does have several rows of teeth that can replace themselves like a shark’s due to the same mutation. The fuckery of his mouth is only really noticeable if he’s ‘stretching’/pushing his transformation to its fullest extent or if someone’s feeling around inside of his mouth for whatever reason. -->Does not have a gag reflex -->Has been constantly hungry since his quirk emerged and like Kenji had to take appetite suppressants during his growth spurts to keep control of himself. An asshole classmate once replaced his appetite suppressants with appetite stimulants to see what happens. Several people ended up hospitalized, Taishiro still has nightmares about it and said asshole student actually managed to get expelled. Has a restraining order against said asshole classmate who fucked off to England to be a hero there. -->Is so glad he’s done growing. Went through clothes like water when he was a teen. -->Going several days without getting enough calories in tends to activate his prey drive and he really doesn’t like that b/c heroes shouldn’t murder or maul people. Figured out this aspect when he mauled a bully after his quirk just came in and later during a survival training exercise in hero school in which he ended up eating a live bear after several days of living on trail rations (scared his teammates for life with that one). -->A lot of aspects of his costume with the bright colors and friendly mannerisms is to reduce the intimidation factor/terrifying aspects of his appearance. He is aware that in his transformed state he’s a giant uncanny valley cartoony egg man monster that can fucking absorb people into his body. -->While transformed his limb, mouth, and eye proportions are extremely fluid and change nearly at will. If he wants to his face can be entirely mouth, which he knows is terrifying to other people. His arms and legs can rubber hose it though they aren’t as strong when he does that, does mean he can grab from angles that shouldn’t be possible. -->Was bullied as a kid for being ‘quirkless’ b4 his quirk manifested and then he was bullied for being fat. It did a number on his self-esteem as a teen leading him to prefer using his thinner form as his default. -->His thinner form was considered a heartthrob in school to his frustration. Didn’t mean he didn’t take advantage of the fact people found him hot to make money or flirt a free lunch off of someone. Was in a hot guy calendar made and distributed by one of his classmates. -->It absolutely gets on his nerves when people only find his skinny form attractive. -->After graduation, he lost muscle b/c that starter hero paycheck ain’t shit and the Hero Commission refused to let him write off food costs as business expenses. Had to save his food money for patrols leading to him losing weight. -->Participated in underground fighting rings to both make some money on the side and get better at using his quirk -->Has tried Trigger b4 and carries a small vial of the good version of it just in case he really needs it one day. (Listen, you ain’t finding shit trying to pat down fucking Fatgum) -->While transformed the absorbing things into him thing is automatic, put too much pressure on the flabbier parts of his body and you’ll just sink in. It takes effort to release things and took him a while to learn how to do this as a kid. Before he learned how to release things, he’d just turn off his quirk to get things out of him. -->Was blackmailed into working for the cops after getting caught during a raid of one of the fighting rings he was participating in. Decided to be a double agent and give away info on cases to the Devil’s Market to help them stay ahead of the cops. Also blew a decent chunk of the Osaka police force’s budget on his feeding since they wanted to use him. Ultimately this is what caused the police to break their partnership with him b/c he was too damn expensive to keep on the payroll. -->Once he became decently popular he and the Devil’s Market started funding a superhero trade school to get people who otherwise wouldn’t be able to get into hero schools for various reasons trained up and educated enough to get a hero license. -->As a hero he just doesn’t enforce the dumber laws like anti-public quirk use laws b/c who cares if people use their quirks if they aren’t hurting anyone. Also prefers not to label criminals as villains unless they’ve done some truly heinous shit b/c he knows that villains get harsher punishments in the justice system. Is also a strong proponent for rehabilitation for criminals. -->Once got caught in a scandal where he and a close friend and classmate managed to get a quirkless friend of theirs enrolled in their hero school with the help of a hacker. It took months for the school to catch on, during which said quirkless friend excelled in the hero classes. Fatgum and his friend nearly got expelled when caught. Later he helps that quirkless friend get a provisional hero license to become Japan’s first quirkless hero. -->From his family history, to his accent, to his size, to his ancestry Fatgum got torn apart by the media when he first started making waves. It took years but his image as a fun friendly beloved hero won out over ‘loose canon with criminal ties who’ll probably turn villain any day now’ -->Most of his sidekicks are folks he knew in his underground fighting days or rehabilitated criminals. Sidekicks and interns from actual hero schools are picked based on both potential as well as ‘how well can you bend the law/see in shades of grey instead of black and white?’. Essentially interning with Fatgum is a long process of unlearning propaganda and a practical application of morality on a case by case basis. -->Is aware of the hornier corners of his fandom and doesn’t know how to get them to understand that death via snusnu is not a way they want to go out (“How do you know this?” “...No comment.”) and telling them that they would def either die or require medical attention only makes them hornier. He finds it distressing and tries to avoid these people. -->Only found out that his name and birthday were puns when he was in middle school. He was not pleased. His parents had a blast since they were waiting for him to figure it out. -->When transformed his face, hands, feet, knees, and elbows are the most vulnerable parts of his body. Hence the leg armor (and occasionally arm armor). -->Due to his size, he’s got a few glaring blind spots, the main one being that he simply can’t see past his belly when looking down. He has tripped over short people b4 b/c of this. At least one of his friends from school would take advantage of this when he was in his larger form to sneak up on him.

[avengershumanresources]

blood 5 - Strange/Stark!Reader

Relationship: Dr. Strange/Princess!Stark!Reader

Rating: M

Warnings: Adult Themes, eventual smut, adult language, implied sexual violence, general violence

Synopsis: Reader is the daughter of the legendary King Anthony Stark, Uniter of Lands, The Iron Defender, and leader of the realm. When the king disappears during battle, hope is lost and he is presumed dead.

When the late king’s uncle, Obadiah, takes the throne until your brother Peter is of age, he quickly arranges a marriage for you with a wicked king in a neighboring kingdom.

With the realms politics in question, and rumors of an upcoming siege to overthrow Peter’s rule before it starts, you quickly learn who is loyal to the crown and who is not.

part 4 - part 6 

Masterlist

Chapter Playlist

5 - a gift for the princess

Stephen wove through the rowdy crowds of the pub, just jumping out of the in time to avoid being covered in vomit. Men sang, women laughed, and the ale was flowing. 

He had to give Natalia some credit for choosing such a clever cover for their meeting in the back of the pub. 

Spying the owner, John nodded his head toward a discreet door behind the bar. 

Stephen slipped past the crowds, ducking under the tray of a hurrying barmaid, and slipping into the room. 

Natalia was sitting in a chair, rising when he walked into the room. She started talking but Stephen’s attention was fixed on the dark haired prince across the space. 

“What is he doing here?” he demanded sharply, throwing a finger toward the prince. “You’re supposed to be in Asgard.”

“That’s what I’m trying to explain you sack of stupid man,” she shoved him toward an empty chair. “There was a complication.”

Stephen immediately noted that James wasn’t in the room. Neither was the man he’d sent them after. 

“I’m- so sorry,” he started but Loki burst out laughing. 

“Honestly, you’re the Sorcerer Supreme?” he scoffed, rolling his eyes. “James isn’t dead.”

“Will you both shut up,” Nat snapped at the pair. “James is with the quarry in a rented room across town. Loki?”

He sighed and grabbed hers and Stephen’s hand, a cloud of green smoke enveloping them. 

When the air cleared, they were in the room of an inn Stephen had visited frequently over the years, the space relatively unchanged for the two figures who glanced up at their entrance.

James was leaned back in a chair, picking out pieces of an apple, while Master Mordo sat on the edge of the bed with a book. 

“Mordo?” Stephen asked, astonished at seeing the man before him. “I thought you were dead.”

“As far as Brock is concerned, I am,” he replied, standing to take the other sorcerers hand in greeting. 

“I don’t understand,” he looked between the group before Loki broke the silence. 

“He’s the one who poisoned the princess,” Loki gestured to Mordo, a smirking tugging on his lips. 

Stephen’s hands lit up with shields in a heartbeat, a glowing dagger at Mordo’s throat. 

“Explain,” he hissed.

“Stephen, calm yourself, it’s a misunderstanding,” he replied. “I’m trying to help.”

Stephen lowered his weapon slightly, signaling for the man to continue. 

“The spell was supposed to put her to sleep,” he explained. “Brock is planning something wicked with Obadiah and the princess is key. I needed a means of moving her without stirring attention.”

Stephen’s hands fell to his sides, spells disappearing as they fell. That explained the black smoke when he’d cleared the spell from your system- an unusual occurrence for a simple poisoning. 

“Obadiah plans to wed the princess to Brock in order to secure his army,” Mordo relaxed a little with the active threat to his life now gone, continuing his explanation. “Obadiah is the one who ordered King Anthony dead. He means to secure the throne and kill the prince, but Brock intends to double cross him and secure everything for himself after the prince is dead.”

“Our men wouldn’t let that happen,” Stephen shook his head. 

“That’s not the concern,” Mordo murmured, exchanging an uneasy look with Loki over Stephen’s shoulder. “Securing a lineage in the princess’ bloodline makes his claims all the more legitimate. 

The trickster snapped his fingers and Natalia and James froze into place. Time had been temporarily stopped for all but the three magic users. 

“Stephen, there’s something you need to know,” Loki explained, looking to Mordo who nodded solemnly. “What do you know of the princess’ lineage?” 

“Her father was the late king, Peter is her brother-,” he started but Loki stopped him with a wave of his hand. 

“Her maternal lineage?” he asked. “Her mother, Queen Alexandra, was born of a powerful family of seidr magic users, she was one of the last of the fallen kingdom of Vanaheim.”

“Seidr is extinct,” Stephen shook his head in disbelief but the older sorcerers sighed. “It’s been extinct for centuries.”

“It was said to have died with the queen,” Mordo picked up. “And we let that rumor circulate to take any interested parties interest off of the royal family, in particular a newborn baby girl.”

“I was a child at the time, but my family was consulted by King Anthony for a remedy for his child. He’d lost his wife to greed and desire for her power. He wanted to prevent losing the baby in the same way,” Loki explained. “My mother’s most promising student, Amora, volunteered to the task. She sealed away the princess’ intrinsic power, effectively removing her from the attention of other magic users.”

“Loki had been the princess’ intended for this reason,”  Mordo added quietly. “It was a means to protect both the princess and the kingdom from the untapped power going astray as she got older.”

“I was raised to ensure this secret went to the grave with those few who knew,” he explained, sending Stephen a knowing smirk. “Since there hadn’t been much concern as she grew, and the princess had obvious affections elsewhere, it was decided the marriage could wait.”

Elsewhere, being himself, Stephen realized sheepishly. To what extent did their unspoken affection further endanger the kingdom’s stability? Had he declared his intentions sooner, could he have prevented Brock’s move in the first place?

“When Amora was exiled of Asgard, she built a ruthless reputation that caught the attention of my former King,” Mordo frowned between the men. “Brock was, needless to say, very interested in a particular piece of information Amora provided about the princess. He banished me and ordered Amora to have me killed, but I managed to escape.”

“Brock intends to marry the princess and have Amora force the princess into his control,” Loki’s voice lowered sharply. “Her seidr would serve as an unlimited pool of power for both Brock and Amora, and the princess would be helpless to do anything about it.”

“Can’t he just have her marry him under the spell as well?” Stephen frowned, knowing a number of appropriate spells off the top of his head. It wouldn’t have been the first time he heard of someone using unethical means to sefure a union. 

“That’s where this gets interesting,” Loki snickered, looking to Mordo in amusement. “I haven’t had an opportunity to strengthen my cloaking spell around her. I’d managed to renew it when I said goodbye the day of the funeral, but it’s weakened significantly in the meantime.” 

“Amora’s magic is too weak to penetrate pure seidr, so the princess would have to be bound in marriage before she could twist her will,” Mordo explained. “The marriage ceremony she intends to perform to Brock’s customs will involve blood magic, and no matter the princess’ true feelings, she’ll be stuck trapped unless he is killed or the marriage is annulled in some other manner.”

“But that’s where this gets fun,” Loki purred in excitement. “The princess is in love with you. If her seidr continues in that direction, she should be able to continue to fight Amora’s influence. Possibly even after a union, if somehow this all falls through.”

The thought sent a little tickle off hope through his chest. At least if he stayed true in his desire, Stephen could protect you a little longer. Still, the marriage needed to be stopped before that even became a concern. 

Not only was your wellbeing at stake, but Brock could not be left in control of the region with Amora at his side.

“Then what can we do?” Stephen asked and Loki waved his wave, breaking the time freezing spell and picking up without missing a beat. 

“I’ll protest the union, as her original intended,” he replied. “Because the princess trusts you, you play the most important part in this all.”

Stephen listened while the group detailed their plan. It was an ambitious scheme, but Stephen had to admit, if they all played their parts to perfection- it could work. 

But would it come at the cost of losing your good faith forever?

(—)

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me,” Stephen cupped his forehead, the headache forming when he saw Peter hunched over with a cloak over his head, speaking discreetly to a group of cloaked figures. 

They’d just finished their plan when he spied the poorly disguised prince and his friends. 

“...cannot stand,” he was saying before his gaze wandered to Stephen’s approaching form and he cringed. 

“What’s going on here?” Stephen asked, crossing his arms. The other figures turned around.  Lord Ned and Lady Michelle. “Don’t tell me... are you planning a coup?”

Peter’s eyes went wide and he gestured for Stephen to sit, grabbing the sorcerer by the sleeve of his robes and pulling him down.

“Don’t speak so casually,” he snapped, ushering the sorcerer into an empty seat. “Surely you’ve heard?”

“I’ve heard a great many things, probably more than you, your highness,” he answered sarcastically. “Do be more specific.”

“About the wedding?” he raised a brow, watching for a reaction. 

“Of your sister? I’ve just learned,” he murmured, leaning in and ignoring the pointed looks his companions by the door gave him. 

“Brock intends to propose tomorrow,” he explained. “But Obadiah isn’t telling my sister until the morning. He’s taken my mother and Morgan under house arrest.”

That was a bigger development than Stephen had expected from the boy. 

“He intends to kill the youngest princess and queen mother if the princess does not marry Brock,” Michelle added, looking forlornly at the table. 

“Where’s the princess now?” Were the next words out of Stephen’s mouth. 

When he’d left you hours before, you’d been sound asleep in your chamber. With the wards and protections he’d thrown around you, there wasn’t any reason you shouldn’t still be there.

“Safe in bed,” Peter assured him. “We need a plan. Brock’s army is twice the size of our without our allies.”

“Allies?” Loki had dropped into the bench, shoving Stephen to the side. “Do continue, your majesty.”

“Can  you can open the border and prepare your troops?” Peter asked the prince hopefully, but Loki frowned. 

“No, but I might be able to stall the marriage,” he replied coolly, a subtle wink toward Stephen. “You know how your sister and I have danced around one another. It’s time I make my claim.”

Peter scoffed, nodding toward Stephen. 

“Is he okay with that?” he asked boldly, earning a laugh from the other prince. 

“Strange knows his place,” Loki answered cockily. “He swore his little oaths and we both know the current king isn’t going to let him out as easily as your father would have. What other option does the princess have?”

Peter’s gaze feel on Stephen having been not entirely convinced, but against Stephen’s better instinct, he nodded mechanically. 

It was your best chance of survival. He had his own role to play down the line, so he let Loki convince the group of his undying love and affection for you. 

By the end, Peter seemed convinced that the Asgardian prince could get the marriage thrown away.

While the men gathered and discussed their plans, no one noticed the young Lady and the redhaired assassin conversing quietly in the shadows. 

Nor did they notice when they slipped out the back to meet with an old friend. 

(—)

Wanda found Stephen scribbling down notes on a piece of floating parchment the next morning. Books were floating through the air, and he meticulously thumbed through pages as they moved around him. 

It was clear her friend had been up all night, the bags under his eyes exposing the unspoken truth. 

On the table was an array of ingredients, a small flame burning under a concoction of bubbling green. 

“What are you up to, Strange?” she asked suspiciously when she saw the chapter of the last book he had consulted. “An elixir?”

“A gift-,” he let out a tired sigh, eyes looking miserably to the paperwork strewn in front of him.

“For whom?” Wanda’s eyes widen and her brows shot to her hairline when she read through the incantation. She knew it well, an old, but reliable mixture.

“For the princess.”

(--) 6 - a promise 

TAG LIST (message to be added!):

@ayamenimthiriel  @ladynothing @im-a-bi-disaster-help @idkwhatthisislol

[arsonistslut]

Suddenly...Liu woke up. His face didn't feel like it was burning anymore, and the sunshine that flowed into his room was starkly different from the darkness of the room he was just attacked in. It wasn't just that, though, everything around him seemed to be in a sort of dreamy haze. He was about to stand when his brother burst in the room. Liu nearly jumped out of his skin, quickly realizing that the scars that riddled Jeff's body before were totally gone. Was everything from before just a dream?

"Wake up, bro! You're gonna be late for school!"

All he could do was just stare at Jeff, confusion riddling his face.

"You alright, man?"

"..Y-Yeah, I'm fine!"

Liu rushed out of his bed and began preparing for school as his brother waited downstairs, rushing down as well once he was ready and walking into the kitchen, expecting the same wordless room where his parents usually were in the morning. Carla looked over at her son and smiled as she ruffled his hair.

"Good morning, you two!"

"Mornin' mama!"

Liu thought something was deeply wrong. His brother was never this jovial, and their parents barely ever talked to them in the slightest, and that was for 15 years! Was..was that all a bad dream? Was all that Sully shit a bad dream, was Jeff getting set on fire a bad dream? When him and his brother got to the school bus, Jeff sat next to one of the other kids, and Natalie sat next to Liu.

"Hi, handsome!~"

"Hey, Nat! How are you?"

Liu was thankful that at least she didn't change.

"I'm doing really well, my dad's recently gotten arrested, so now I'm living with my grandma, she's a sweetheart!"

"O-Oh, that's great!"

"Hey, did you hear about Jeff's new girlfriend?"

"No, he never told me! What's her name?"

"Cassie! I'm gonna be honest, those two are the cutest. They're such sweethearts, they're practically made for each other!"

"That's wonderful!"

Liu then looked outside the window..he couldn't help but wonder how he'd just realized this, but it was such a beautiful day outside! The birds were singing, the flowers were blooming, days like this came practically once every century in New Orleans. Maybe everything from before really was just a bad dream.

A delighted giggle came from Sully as he watched Liu go about his day in the world he'd so carefully crafted for him in his head.

"Finally safe..safe from the horrors that would taint your pure soul."

Nina boredly flipped through the late night channels, sighing as she wasn't able to find anything that interested her. It was far past her bedtime, and her eyelids were getting heavy, so when a particularly eye-catching news report showed up, it grabbed her attention right away.

"And now, we turn to New Orleans, which has been the site of a brutal massacre tonight, as 7 people have been recently found brutally murdered over the course of an hour. Police are not releasing any names of the victims, but they have apprehended a suspect who they believe is the killer, 17 year old Jeffrey Woods was recently arrested after having set the house of Bruce and Aurora Arkansas on fire. The lone survivors of this horrible night are reportedly one individual, along with the daughter of Bruce and Aurora. Liu Woods, Jeffrey's brother, has gone missing, if you have any information regarding where he may be, please contact the police. We do have footage of Jeffrey's arrest, but be warned, it may disturb some viewers."

The TV then showed footage of a group of police officers surround a pale teenager, his whole body caked in blood. Jeffrey shrugged and laid his knife down on the ground, placing his hands behind his head and allowing the police to arrest him. As he was led to the back of a cruiser, Jeff looked into the camera.

"You win some, you lose some, I guess."

The TV then cut back to the clearly shaken reporter.

"We'll provide more information as it comes to us. IN other news.."

Nina shut her TV off, a wide smile growing on her face. She couldn't quite place her finger on it, but she related to Jeff. What was keeping someone like her from going on a rampage like that...? Snatching her laptop off her desk, Nina quickly logged onto 4-Chan and started a thread. She pondered over what to call it, then typed in an adequate name.

"Jeff's Killers."

Chapter 19: "Nothing but pure evil"

"Jeffrey..do you feel even the slightest bit of guilt for your actions?"

Woods had shown no shame throughout his trial. No guilt or remorse for his actions. He sure as shit wanted to, but when the judge asked him that question, he couldn't restrain the smile that came to his face as he remembered how good it felt to plunge his knife into his father's head, how good it felt to snap Troy's neck, how good it felt to drop that match. Besides, wasn't Zalgo right? This was going to keep happening until he died.

"I don't. They all deserved what they got. Besides, I didn't have any other choice."

Silence followed his words. Some gasped, some began to sob, some just laughed in amazement, but most of the courthouse was silent.

"Jeffrey Woods..you are nothing but pure evil. This court finds you guilty of all charges, and sentences you to death."

The judge forced back tears and pointed toward the door.

"Get him out of here.."

Woods was led away by a pair of policemen, and the courtroom cheered as he was led away.

"And then, my sentence got reduced to life in prison, and now..here we are, doctor."

"I see.."

Dr. Oborn wrote down more notes in his clipboard, before looking back up at his patient.

"Doc..can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, Jeffrey."

"...Was that judge right? A-Am I just..evil?"

"While murder is a horrific crime, and many people do seem to see you as nothing more than a psycho who killed for fun, I've spoken with you for over a year now, and I don't believe you to be evil. After what you've told me, I now know that your condition was likely caused by the trauma you referred to earlier."

"..Doc, I.."

Jeff let out a burst of relieved laughter, almost tearing up from joy at the doctor's words.

"You h-have no fuckin' clue how much that means to me! I..I thought I was a lost cause for the longest time..I-I mean, people don't feel happy when they kill someone, y'know?"

"You're not a lost cause, by any means. We've made incredible progress today, and I believe that you will be able to comfortably integrate back into society soon enough. Although, I am confused by one thing."

"What?"

"..How did you know about the things that happened after your hospitalization?"

"Zalgo showed me."

"Zalgo? Who is that?"

"Zalgo is the reason I believe in the afterlife. Apparently, it's a medical miracle I even survived the incident at the party, let alone heal so quickly that my body's now one big lump of scar tissue. Zalgo helped me to survive."

"This is the first time you've mentioned this.."

"Demon."

"Demon to me. You have previously stated your beliefs in Leveyan Satanism, so is this a sort of..representation of the devil?"

"No, the devil isn't real. Zalgo is. Look, can we t-talk about something else?"

Dr. Oborn placed one of his hands on Jeffrey's shoulder, growing concerned due to his growing..worry, almost.

"Is everything alright, son?"

"I...didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

"Nightmares, again?"

"No, I saw things, doctor..I've seen how this world will end."

"You've seen the apocalypse, you say?"

Jeffrey then just shook his head, something he feared he would do suddenly worming it's way into his brain unannounced.

"Jeff..are you having intrusive thoughts?"

"I..I don't want to hurt you, you don't deserve it.."

"Nothing will happen to me, son. I'll be just fine!"

"You..you sure?"

"I'm positive."

"Thank you, doctor.."

"Of course-"

Dr. Oborn was pleasantly surprised when Jeff reached across the table and hugged him, but didn't hesitate in hugging his patient back.

Chapter 20: A new terror

"Listen, man, I know what I saw! Some lanky motherfucker was running around my backyard, and wearing a white hoodie! They didn't catch Jeff The Killer, he's still fucking running-"

Carlos Kennedy changed the channel of his radio, confused as to how someone could genuinely believe that it was a good idea to log onto a radio show, ramble about how you believed a convicted killer was still able to run around your backyard, and think you'll be taken seriously. His attention to that was quickly interrupted by seeing a person lying near the road, face down. The good Samaritan quickly stopped his car and got out, rushing over to the seemingly unconscious person that was lying in a ditch.

"Hello?! A-Are you-"

A knife to Carlos's throat quickly cut him off, blood spraying out of his wound. The girl who stabbed him lifted his corpse off the decoy, a teenager in a white hoodie and a somewhat poorly made, but nonetheless effectively scary Jeff The Killer mask.

"Good work, Jethro."

"All I did was sit here, but thanks, Nina."

This was the first recorded murder committed by Jeff's Killers, after a year of just being a bunch of teenagers hanging out in an abandoned house where a bunch of patricide took place.

[ivyuns]

landing in my heart: paragliding

han jisung

genre: angst

word count: 2.1k

warnings: location spots are in north and south korea, language, mentions of mines, weapons, death, cliffhanger, if i missed anything plz lmk :)

A/N: first part of landing in my heart series! changsik is y/n’s helper for la vie en rose

navigation

landing in my heart information

LIMH chapters

“tomorrow, the story about you and actor sangu will be posted”

“itll say how you two were just pranking fans that you two are together. as you see, the picture just shows that you were just holding his wrist. plus your face is blurred so there shouldnt be a problem” changsik says.

you turn off your phone and start paying attention to changsik. “okay but can we do something about the blur effect?” you asked. “oh, do you want me to ask them to blur your face more?” “no, its just that they put the effect on my earrings. you know those earrings are rare to get in the collection”

everyone in the meeting takes a big sigh. “ah, purchasing manager. what are you going to do?” you asked as he slams his note taking book close. “pardon?” “the earrings, purse, shoes. you need to make sure theyre in stock at all times” nodding his head, he goes to restock the items you told him to.

exiting your office, everyone talks about you. “is that her?” “she looks ugly in person” “hes probably with her for her money”. continuing walking behind your bodyguards, you get a call from an unknown number.

“look at you. you look like a celebrity or something”

“who is this?”

“i- you dont even have my number saved? its your eldest brother, sejun.  anyways since you dont keep up with the news, dad is coming back home from probation. you should probably come by the house and greet him”

pausing your tracks, “is this your number?” “yes, please just save it” “dont get another number or blocking it for two times will be annoying” you said and blocked sejun.

hesitating to enter your family’s house as you heard sejun and sehyeong argue about who will be deserves to inherit the family company during diner and your dad yelling out where were you. stepping into the house, the house was quiet.

“hello dad. congratulations on getting out on probation. i heard you wanted me to be here. is there anything you need to speak to me about?”

“you should move back in” “is that all? i was wondering why. you look great by the way. please take care of your heath. i just came here to say hello so ill be leaving now” you waved goodbye and walked towards the exit.

“i want you to take my position” you dad tells you before you could exit the room. “dad!” your brothers yell out. turning around, you see everyone looking at you as your mom shakes her head towards you. “you left home and started your own company for 10 years, i think you deserve it”

hesitating to answer, you agreed to take the position which annoyed the brothers. finally exiting the room, you left the house with fear in you.

“shall we start?” you asked as everyone gets your parachute ready for paragliding. running off the cliff, you begin floating in the sky with a huge smile on your face. “miss yoon, please be careful!”

peacefully enjoying the scenery, you take notes on how beautiful it was. you then see a floating tractor. worry takes place as you realize theres a tornado happening. trying to not get in it, the wind forcefully takes you to the tornado, making you scream out for help.

-

north korean boarder

jisung heads to the northern side of demilitarized zone to patrol with company five and a few other soldiers and hears shooting going on. quietly walking into the direction of everything going on as a group, jisung stops as soon as he hears what type of guns theyre using.

“captain han, theyre heading into this direction, judging by the sound of the gunshots” hyunjin pauses, “maybe its a deserter from the south-” “the combat site is 400m away from our current location. going in at 11 o’clock, total count is 10. k2 automatic title, six in total. and tokarev tt-33, three are in use” jisung tells them.

“whats tt-33?” seungmin asked. “theyre our camrades” jisung answered and started walking with his group behind him. seeing whats going on as he saw three men on the ground and the military of the south, he gave him group a signal to continue walking. lifting their guns up, the southern sees them and puts their guns up as well.

“step back. take one more step and youll enter our garrison” jisung shouts out. “hand these three over and well be gone” one of the soldiers said. “theyre our camrades” jisung answers. “captain! we got the state security departments approval and came here to hunt deers but we got lost by the tornado” one of the men on the ground said.

“they crossed the southern limit line and caught digging cultural artifacts” the same soldier said and shows proof. “is anyone injured?” jisung asked as the southern military puts their guns towards him more. “the problem is solved. put your guns down and we will too. i swear on my countrys honor and will stictly punish them. when it comes to punishments, we, the north will certainly outdo the south. well drop our weapons on the count of three.”

by the count of three, everyone puts their weapons down. the three men on their knees sees a gun in front of them and grabs it. trying to shoot the soldiers, jisung quickly grabs them. everyone puts their guns up till- “just return, dont get into conflict with the north” “do you hear me? dont conflict with the south” the radios from both sides said.

after gathering the three men and tying them, company five got them as jisung stayed behind. making sure the south was gone.

back at the gate, jisung is in front of the car that the three men are in as he waits from cheolgang to arrive. seeing him arrive, he stands up straight and salutes him, as well as hyunjin and seungmin. cheolgang sees the three men in the car and turns to jisung.

“greetings sir. company five is is on standby to transfer the grave robbers, who we arrested in the northen demilitarized zone” jisung tells cheolgang. “good work. anything else?” jisung relaxes and tells him how some of the fences were down due to the tornado. “we should tighten security for the area thats damanged until everything is fixed”

cheolgang nods his head. “they probably crossed the southern line due to misunderstanding so let their punishment be lenient” “it happened in our patrol zone. this cannot be taken lightly” “you are well aware that the state security department gave them permission for them to be here” cheolgang says.

“are you saying that they gave them permission to pass the demilitarized zone just to collect artifacts?” jisung asked, feeling annoyed with cheolgang. “of course not, captain han” he chuckles, making company five tensed. “i told the south that they will be taken for punishment, and i shall keep that promise” “do whatever you want, but i do have a promise. i, jo cheolgang, never go easy on anyone. no matter what their ranks are. if you create any act that may threaten our army security, youll be finished right on the spot. but of course, youll never do that” cheolgang finishes. jisung salutes him as he leaves.

south korea

“but i need to get there, i need to see miss yoon” changsik says as he heard people said that youre nowhere to be found. as he sees someone on the stretcher, he starts tearing up as he thinks youre dead. the police comforts him and sees the cameraman that was supposed to take videos of you in the sky. “hey! wheres my boss?” changsik yells at him. “i dont know” he cries out in pain. “didnt you have a camera? why didnt you take a video of everything?” “in that situation, i couldnt. i nearly died!”

changsik was left alone as the rest of the rescue crew tried to find you. “gosh why did you have to make yourself do this y/n”

-

north korean boarder

you wake up, high up in a tree. as you yell out for help. as jisung and seungmin is around the area, he stops walking and asks seungmin if he heard anything. shaking his head, seungmin gets a call from the other company five members, asking for him to come back and help with the fence. jisung gives him a signal to go and looks around the area.

as jisung sees you in the trees, you look down. “excuse me, can you help me get out of here” seeing his metal and gun pointing at you, you quickly unbuckle everything and falls onto jisung. realizing, you quickly get off of him.

“ah, did you come here from the north? are you a defector? welcome to the republic of korea” you said. “r-republic of korea? i think youre mistaken. i didnt go to the south. you came to the north” not believing what he said, you looked around and saw his serious face. “since you came here, youll be taken for investigation” jisung says. “huh?! wait i didnt mean to come here at all-” “then explain everything to them like that.

after arguing, you ran but was stopped by jisung yelling you to stop since theyre mines in the area. “dont move or else youll loose an ankle-” jisung pause as he accidentally steps on a mine. “are you okay” you asked. “im fine” “are you sure because you dont look fine-” “i said im fine!”

jisung grabs his walkie talkie to call seungmin for help when his grip failed and the device fell into the river. walking to the walkie talkie, you picked it up. “thank you for picking it up-” “who said i was gonna give it to you?” jisung sighs. “tell me which way i need to go first” “follow the path and when you meet with two paths, take the right one”

after telling you the directions, seungmin calls out jisungs name. “im here!’’ jisung yells out. fear taking over you, you quickly ran.

seungmin finds jisung on a mine and quickly sets him free. “captain han, is there anything wrong?” seungmin asks. “let the crew know that someone is in the zone by accident” “huh? is it a spy?” “no, a south korean girl who accidentally came here” seungmin nods his head and lets the crew know what happened by radio.

as you ran, you took the left path instead, not trusting jisung. you came across of a field that had a sign saying ‘mine field’. turning around to a safer route, you see the soldiers looking for you. headed to the minefield instead, you ran through it and the soldiers made a detour to get you.

as seungmin and hyunjin are trying to get you, you saw a broken tree on the fence, thinking it will lead you to the south again. as youre on the top, you see the two men giving you signals to not go there. not listening, you jumped over the fence as you saw hyunjin raise his gun at you and fired.

as you kept running, you passed jeongin who was reading a letter from his mother in the fields. as you were running still, you ran into a forest and tripped on a rock. “mom-” you said quietly. trying to pull yourself up, you go back into the past. everytime you fell, you would always cry out for your moms name. but realizing how weak you relationship with her was weak and she was not here with you.

regaining your strength, you got up and walked.

back in south korea, your mom gets a call saying that you were lost and tells the rest of the family. sejun and sehyeong and their wives are pleased, knowing that one of them will get their dads position.

“honey, you need to make sure you get this position” sanga tells sehyeong. “but you still need to find minseok” sehyeong nods. “dont worry sanga”

“hyung. do you think sehyeong will find me?” minseok asks mr oh. “i think we should go somewhere else, i dont think its safe here anymore” minseok nods his head and packs up to go somewhere else.

as an old lady asks for a ride as she sees military trucks, she was rejected. she then sees three men in one of the trucks. as they hit the end of the road, she sees another truck hitting them and another one, making the truck that the three men are in fall into a ravine and explode. she gathers her stuff and tries to run away when another truck runs into her.

after walking for miles in the dark, you ran into a village. feeling relieved, you smiled. until you saw the lights shut on, you were met with music going on. seeing everyone getting ready for their morning routine, she now believes shes deeper into north korea,

just as the leader enters the village, jisung quickly grabbed you and hid you in his chest from getting caught.

[alindakb]

You broke my heart - by Alinda

Stiles hadn’t expected to end up back at his childhood home, but he hadn’t know where else he was supposed to go now. He dropped one of the bags he was holding before he rang the bell. He could feel the tears pricking in his eyes. He didn’t want to let them fall. Derek was not worth his tears. But as soon as his father opened the door, Stiles lost control. Tears streamed down his cheeks. Stiles felt how his knees started to wobble. He hadn’t said a word, but his father’s arms were around him in seconds, holding him up. And Stiles just cried into his shoulder.

He can’t remember going inside the house, but now he was sitting on his father’s couch, while the man brought all Stiles his bags inside, and up the stairs, probably into Stiles old bedroom. Stiles his hands were shaking, when he tried to grab his phone out of his pocket. It had been vibrating for a while now. One look at the screen showed it was Derek that was calling him. Tears started to form again. And anger boiled up inside him. The phone crashed into the wall before Stiles realized that he had thrown it away. His father came running down the stairs, looked at the broken phone and then at Stiles. He looked worried. He moved closer so Stiles could look into his eyes. He didn’t like what he was seeing. His father felt sorry for him. But it was his own fold that he hadn’t been enough for Derek. So Stiles looked away.

His dad grabbed his shaking hands and pulled him close. He didn’t ask any questions. Didn’t make any accusations, no ‘I told you so’. He just holds him in his arms and waited for Stiles to be ready to speak.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Two days later Scott and Lydia were sitting writing out small cards for all the invited guest, telling them the wedding was off. Stiles had tried to help, but the only thing he got on the paper were his tears.

It had taken Stiles hours before he had told his dad what had happened. The man almost had Derek arrested for hurting his son like that. Nobody else knew. Stiles didn’t want to talk about it. The only thing he had told Scott and Lydia was that it was over. There would not be a wedding next month. Stiles had left his suit back at their house. There was no use for it anymore.

This should have been the happiest time of his life. Planning the day he would marry the love of his life. But instead, he was cancelling everything. Not him really, but his friends. He could hear Malia talking on the phone. Trying to cancel the venue. She probably told Derek that they were cancelling everything. Stiles wondered how much Derek had told his niece about why Stiles left him. Because he hadn’t expected her to take Stiles side on this. Derek was the only family that ever had looked out for her. And now she was here helping Stiles.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Derek was trying to convince Stiles dad that he really needed to talk to Stiles. Stiles and Scott were sitting on the top of the stairs. They could hear Derek beg, saying he was sorry. That he needed Stiles. He probably knew that Stiles could hear him. And Stiles knew that Derek would be able to hear every word he would say. So he finally said it out loud.

“I never want to see you again.”

It broke his heart knowing that he really meant it. And the silence that followed at the door let Stiles know that Derek had heard the truth in his statement. He said he was sorry one more time before he left.

Scott let Stiles cry on his shoulder. He called Lydia and told her he won’t be home for dinner that night. She was at the house only minutes later, crawling into the small space between Stiles and the wall. Stiles doesn’t know how long they had been sitting at the top of the stairs. But he was glad his two best friends were there to hold him together.

They hadn’t asked him why he and Derek had broken up. And until now Stiles hadn’t been sure if he could talk about it again. But they were his friends and he knew he would have to talk about it one day. Now seemed like a good day to get it over with.

“He got a girl pregnant.”

Lydia gasped and Scott was fighting for control next to him. Stiles saw how one of Lydia’s hands left his arm to grab her husband’s hand. Scott his claws disappeared on contact. Stiles had once been the person who had that effect on Derek. He probably still had if he wanted to. But Stiles couldn’t anymore. Not now he knew he hadn’t been enough for Derek, while the man had been his entire life.

He can’t remember how many times he had fought with his father about Derek. How his father had been glad when Derek had left when Stiles had been in his junior year of high school. How disappointed he was when Stiles had come home from college one Thanksgiving to tell his dad that he met up with Derek again. And how his dad had told him he didn’t have to come home for Christmas if he brought Derek with him. That was the first Christmas Stiles celebrated without his dad.

The phone calls between him and his dad became fewer during the years. Stiles and Derek moved back to Beacon Hills when Stiles was finished with his studies. But his dad didn’t come to their housewarming party. Stiles looked him up at the sheriff office. He had to listen to his father telling him that he was making a big mistake. That he would end up heartbroken. Stiles had told him he was wrong.

It had taken two more years before Stiles and his dad had started acting normal around each other again. Stiles had hoped back then that his dad had finally made peace with the fact that Stiles loved Derek and that he was a part of their family.

Stiles had been scared to tell his dad when they had gotten engaged.  But his dad was trying and said he was happy for them.

And now Derek had proven his father right. He did break Stiles' heart. And some part of Stiles knew that his father was happy that he didn’t have to pretend anymore. That he could openly hate the man that had stolen his son away from him.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Derek had left the pack. Stiles had gotten a text from Scott to let him know. And two hours later Cora was at Stiles house, screaming at him. Stiles tried to block out the word vomit coming his way. But it was hard. Because he still loved Derek. Loved him for doing what Stiles had asked him, even though it had defiantly not been the thing Derek had wanted. He had wanted to fix this.

Stiles picked up words like heartbroken and suicidal. And that made him focus on what Cora was saying.

“He left because you believe the lies that bitch told you. Did you ever think of asking Derek what really happened before you crushed him completely?!?”

She was staring at Stiles now. Waiting for an answer. Stiles doesn’t know what to say. He has never seen the girl that was carrying Derek’s baby and had ruined his life.

“I never saw her. Derek told me himself.”

Tears are forming in his eyes when he thinks back to that day, only two weeks ago. The moment the words had come out of Derek’s mouth.

“A girl came to the shop today. I had seen her before, weeks ago. She had been at the bar where I had ended up when we had that huge fight.”

Stiles had nodded, not knowing where Derek was going with this. He had looked scared. Stiles only remembered that he had been upset about Derek not coming home until the next day.

Derek had hesitated before he had continued. Telling Stiles  that the girl was pregnant and that she was pretty sure that the child was Derek’s. And that was where Stiles had started hitting him in his face. Derek had let him.

After that, he had heard Derek trying to convince Stiles not to go. That he doesn’t remember sleeping with the girl. It sounded as if Derek thought that would make everything better, but it just made it worse. Knowing he was lying to hide the fact that he kept this from Stiles for weeks.

It had happened before Derek had asked him to marry him. And the only thing going through Stiles his mind was the idea Derek had only asked him out of guilt. So Stiles had packed his bags and had driven back to the only place he could think of at that moment.

And now Cora was blaming Stiles for everything. What had Derek told her? How many more lies had he told to cover up his mistakes?

“He told you?” Cora looked surprised.

The only thing Stiles could do was nod his head in agreement. He wanted to stop thinking about Derek. About the pain inside him. The hollowness, the pain, the betrayal. He wanted to try to move on.

“I thought she must have told you because Derek isn’t even sure what happened. He doesn’t remember doing that. Stiles, you got to believe him. He would never hurt you like that.”

“And yet he did!” Stiles screamed at Cora before he stormed out of his father’s house. He heard enough of Derek’s lies.

Only a couple of days later Stiles got the news that Cora had left to go looking for her brother.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Months passed by. Stiles had moved into a small flat. He couldn’t stand the things his dad had started to say about Derek. Even if the man had broken Stiles' heart, it still belonged to him. Scott and Lydia made him come over for dinner once a week. And after a while, Lydia had started to invite cute gay friends of her. People Stiles know would be okay with being a rebound lover, that would never want to settle down. But Stiles passed them all up. He told Lydia to stop it, that he wasn’t ready for that. That it still felt like he was cheating on Derek if he did. So the set-ups stopped.

Stiles started to hang out a with Malia a lot. They were both single now. And they both missed the same person. Stiles because he still loved him and Malia because he had been a father to her when she lost her adopted family and Peter had not wanted to take responsibility for a young were-panther.

Life seemed to move on and Stiles started to enjoy the little things again.

Lydia got pregnant. They told him over dinner. He cried and they had just hugged him. Knowing he was not sad for them, but because of Derek. The next day Stiles stopped by their house again bearing lots of gifts for the newest member of the pack. Scott laughed when he saw all the wolf themed toys and clothes Stiles had bought. Lydia just kissed him on his cheek.

And then Scott got a call from Cora.

-x-x-x-x-x-

After all the fighting Stiles found Derek in a small room in the basement. He was holding a little baby in his arms, promising it he would keep him safe. A body of a young girl was lying only a little away from Derek. Blood all around her. Stiles didn’t know what to say. He was glad Derek was still alive, but he still didn’t understand.

“They had her little brothers, promised to spare them if she did what they said. Only to kill them in front of her eyes when she brought me here. They had no need for them anymore.”

Derek's voice was broken. He looked up at Stiles with a hopeful expression. Like this would change anything.

Scott interrupted them. Telling them they had to leave now. Chris and Malia had made sure there was no evidence that could lead the cops to them and Melissa was calling 911 to make sure the bodies wouldn’t rot away in the house.  Stiles walked away from Derek and his baby. He went for his jeep and drove back to his house. Derek was safe. And he was still the lying basted that had broken his heart.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Derek was standing in front of his door. Clean clothes and no baby. Stiles wasn’t sure if he wanted to let him in. But he did anyway. Something stupid called love made him want to hear what had happened.

The girl, Penny, had slowly drugged him with wolfsbane that night. Slipping small amounts in all his drinks.

“Just because you were drunk, doesn’t mean you didn’t cheat on me,” Stiles said with tears in his eyes.

“You remember me telling you I blacked out that night, that I didn’t remember all of it.”

“Yeah, you don’t remember sleeping with someone other than me! I know, you kept telling me that when you told me you got a girl pregnant. It doesn’t change anything, Derek. You still broke my heart. Smashed it in a thousand pieces!”

“Stiles, please let me explain.”  Derek’s voice was soft and Stiles finally looked at Derek. There were tears on Derek’s cheeks. “I know you are mad at me, and I feel really bad because I had done that to you, even when I never wanted to hurt you.”

Derek stretches out his arm, like he wanted to grab Stiles' hands, but stopped somewhere mid-air, remembering that he couldn’t anymore, before they fall back to his sides.

“But you did. And you got what I wanted and what you told me we would never have. I choose to stay with you even after you made the decision for us. And then you went and had one without me. I don’t think I can ever forgive you for that.”

Stiles had started crying because he had finally said it out loud. It wasn’t the cheating that had broken his heart. It had been the fact that they had been fighting about having kids that night, and that Derek had told him he couldn’t, not after everything he’d lived through with his own family. Knowing he knocked up a girl that night was just too much to handle.

“Please leave, Derek.”

It was only a whisper, but Derek had heard him and started to walk towards the door. Before he left he turned around.

“They thought I was still the alpha of the Hale pack. They wanted us apart so I could marry into their pack and they could take over our territory. Penny was supposed to seduce me, but she told me I only talked about you and that I didn’t respond to any of her advances. So she drugged me with wolfsbane until I passed out. She fucked me in a car while I was unconscious.”

Stiles started laughing. He couldn’t help himself. They had made that girl get pregnant with the wrong sperm. They had destroyed them, and it had all been a mistake. He’d lost Derek because some rival pack hadn’t done their homework. It was hilarious.

Derek was just standing by the door, completely at a lost by Stiles reaction.

“You didn’t conscious cheat on me.” He managed to say between his giggles.

“No, I didn’t.” Derek cried. “And I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I know you really wanted to have kids one day. I know how much it hurt you when I told you I never wanted them. I…”

Stiles stopped laughing at the sight of the love of his life falling apart in front of him.

“I never wanted to have kids, but after you still said yes to marrying me, I started thinking that maybe one day. I wanted to try to change my mind about having them for you. To make you happy. Because you thought we could be amazing parents. And then they did this. When I found out that she was pregnant with my baby, I know you would hate me for it. And I’m sorry for the hurt they caused you because of me. I’m sorry. You need to know I never wanted to have a kid without you.”

Derek had to hold the doorpost to keep upright and Stiles couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He had known from the beginning why Stiles would hate him.

“I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me anymore. But I just wanted you to know that I love you and that I understand.”

Derek turned around and was stepping out of the door. Stiles felt conflicted. He loved him, but it hurt. Even now that he knew the truth it still hurt that Derek had a kid without him.  They had tried to break them apart, and even now that they were death, they had still succeeded. They had still won. And that felt even worse that the hurt he felt when he thought about Derek being a dad now. So he whispered:

“I forgive you for what happened.”

Derek was back in his house in seconds. With a hopeful look on his face.

“I still love you. And you didn’t do this to me. They did this to us.”

Stiles stepped forward and placed his hands on Derek his cheeks before his lips found his. He kissed him. They could work through this. He wouldn’t let those bastards win. He loved this man, and this man loved him back.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Making the decision to try again was the easy part, trying again turned out harder than anything Stiles had done before. Because there was a little boy that would always remind them of what happened. Stiles loves how Derek holds his son like it is the most precious thing in this world, but it also still hurts him every time he sees him holding the little boy. It wasn’t until the pregnant Lydia had picked up the boy and dumped it in Stiles' arms that he felt love for the boy. The boy stopped being the boy and became Mathew that day in Stiles mind. Derek had looked at him with the most amazing smile before he kissed Matthew forehead, while his hand touched Stiles' hand.

“I love you.”

Derek said that every day now. Stiles knew why. Derek was still the insecure man he had been, and he just needed to make sure Stiles knew how much he means to him.

“Do you still have the rings?”

Derek looked at Stiles with a confused look. But he nodded to answer his question. Stiles just wanted to show Derek that he knew and that It was the same for him. Time was slowly piecing his heart back together. It would be health soon. And there was just one thing Stiles really wanted.

“Because I would still really like to marry you.”

Derek kissed Stiles before he could say anything else. Stiles doesn’t know who grabbed the baby out of his arms, but he was thankful for it, so he could deepen the kiss he was sharing with Derek. He heard Lydia saying something about babysitting little Matthew, that it would be good practice for when they had their own little baby.

It didn’t take long before kissing Derek wasn’t enough anymore. Their clothes were taking off quickly and Stiles gasped when Derek lube up finger found his way into him. It wasn’t long after that the fingers got replaced by his penis. Stiles hadn’t felt this connected to Derek for so long that it was overwhelming. The way Derek moved inside him, completed him. Stiles had forgotten how good it felt to be fucked by him. It started out gentle, but soon their lust was taking over and Stiles spilled his seed all over them when Derek hit that amazing spot inside him. It only took two more thrusts before Derek found his release.

They fell asleep in each other’s arms. And when Stiles woke up the next morning to the smell of breakfast coming from downstairs, he knew they would make it. That there love would conquer all.

[cultofbeatles]

beginners guide to the beatles

 made one of these a long time ago but i'm surprised by how short it was. so here we go again. doing it right this time lol. 

pov: you told a bad joke and now the beatles are judging you. 

john winston lennon. later in his life known as john winston ono lennon. 

born on october 9, 1940 

i believe in astrology bc how does john just happen to be a libra 

when john was four he started living with his aunt mimi who acted more as his mother figure 

his mother, julia, remarried and would visit him quite a bit.

it was julia who taught john how to play banjo and piano. and she bought his first guitar.

they both had a deep love for music and rock n roll 

he never really thought of her as his mother but more as a cool friend i suppose 

aunt mimi was more rough on him and did the disciplining 

his father was never really present growing up and his uncle passed away when he was young 

he thought he was a curse for the men in his family 

he had five half siblings. two of them, julia and jacqueline, he was pretty close to. the other three he barely knew. 

fashion icon.

hated school but loved art 

very early on he was insecure with himself 

teachers always shit on him and said he would go nowhere in life 

he met paul at a church fete on july 6, 1957 

paul taught him how to play guitar properly.

once told paul that he didnt know how paul carried on after his mother died bc he just didn't think he could do it 

john’s mother died from being hit by an off duty policemen. john was seventeen at the time. 

��he took her death really hard and became a bit of a recluse. 

first serious relationship was with cynthia (we stan her) 

once cynthia cut her hair short and he didn't talk to her for two days. 

hate men. kill all men. 

when he asked her to dance at a party she turned him down saying that she was engaged, and so he said “well i didn't ask you to fucking marry me, did i?” 

slapped her once bc he was drunk and another boy was talking to her.

only time her hit her.

read cynthia’s books about john pls. i beg. 

once a psychic told him that he would be shot in the states.

founder of the beatles and also came up with the name.

instruments he could play: guitar, harmonica, rhythm guitar, banjo, keyboard, piano, saxophone, bass guitar, and a little drums. 

main songwriter in the beatles along with paul.

was more open minded to change in the beatles music. 

was insecure in his relationship with paul after a while bc he thought he only needed him for songwriting. 

would bitch about paul all day long but the second anyone else said something about him he’d be on their ass. 

had a lot of issues and needed a good hug. 

suffered from eating disorders, drug addictions, depression, insecurities, and questioned his sexuality bc of the time. 

was super open minded and ahead of his time in many instances. 

once he was called “the fat beatle” and after that he stopped eating as much.

truly loved his first son, julian lennon, and would buy him presents all the time bc he was excited to see him play with them.

“your famous ex husband”

he enjoyed playing monopoly. 

he once claimed that he saw a ufo.

he had written three books but he always wanted to write a children's book.

 the last song he ever performed in front of a live audience was “i saw her standing there.” with elton john.

he was afraid of the dark. 

found out later in his life that he was dyslexic. 

was also legally blind without glasses.

never could catch a break huh.

said that his best lyric ever was “all you need is love” i agree.

the first time yoko and john met was not at her art exhibit but actually when she approached him about giving away songs for free.

wanted to write a musical with paul. 

once a friend dared him to masturbate ten times in one day and he managed to do it nine times.

would hold circle jerks with paul and a few other friends. 

just dudes being dudes. 

went on a holiday with brian epstein, who was gay, and told some people afterward that they did certain sexual things. but we will never know for sure.

yoko says that john was bisexual.

once in an interview he said that he would of married a rich man or woman if he wasn't in the beatles. 

hated his voice on records. would always ask for effects on his voice for final recordings. 

made a film with yoko where it was just his penis going from flaccid to erect for fifteen minutes in slow motion. 

only beatle not to of become a vegetarian while he was alive. 

murdered on december 8, 1980.

gave his autograph earlier in the day to the man who would murder him.

died at the age of 40.

“all my loving” was played while he was at the hospital.

and its spooky bc a lot of times in interviews he would say “when i'm 40..” 

and it’s sad bc he was finally becoming who he truly wanted to be. 

honorable john moments that i love:

“thanks for the purpler hearts” he says while receiving the silver heart 

“you are the first person from liverpool that i've ever seen” “great”

eric lennon on my mind today 

this come together performance where he messed up the lyrics lol

that interview where paul was sick and john keep checking on him 

john lennon speaking nothing but facts 

when he said that he could see the beatles going separate ways but that they'd always come back together.

SHUT UP 

“shut up while he’s talking..”

this interview breaks my heart sometimes 

and this interview is great as well 

sir james paul mccartney 

born on june 18, 1942

if you ever have spare time just check out this man’s natal chart. 

idk how he’s still alive with his chart tbh. 

he has a younger brother named mike and a step sister named ruth. 

his dad thought he was the ugliest baby he’d ever seen when he was born. 

when he was young paul would kill frogs in a way to prepare himself for the war if he ever was drafted. 

the first instrument he ever learned to play was the trumpet.

I don't even want to list every instrument this man can play but trust me when I say it’s a lot.

but for the beatles he mainly did bass, vocals, and piano. sometimes playing the guitar and the drums.

the beatles was just paul moving really, really fast. 

he lost his mother when he was 14 due to surgery for breast cancer.

never really learned how to cope well with loss of a loved one tbh. 

had the cutest chubby cheeks as a kid tbh 

met john and was accepted into his band 

sometimes they'd ditch school together and either work on music or would visit art galleries.

went to paris with john and john bought him all the banana milkshakes that he wanted.

connected over their love and admiration for music, and bc they had both lost their mothers. 

had a girlfriend’s mom who he would make comb his leg hairs. 

was an ass to his first girlfriend.

kill all men again. 

almost had to marry his girlfriend dot bc she was pregnant, but she ended up losing the baby.

was the one who introduced george harrison to john.

practically despised pete best and stuart stutcliffe bc they were bringing the group down. 

got arrested along with pete best bc they lit a condom on fire in hamburg.

still felt awful and a little guilty when stuart died suddenly. 

main force behind the beatles imo. 

without him we’d have not as much beatles music as we do. 

was dating jane asher throughout majority of the sixties. 

when they first met they talked about syrup and paul fell in love.

they broke things off after she walked in on him sleeping with another woman though.

directed magical mystery tour and it was amazing and I don't care what anyone says ok?

when john divorced cynthia he was the only one not scared of john and went against his wishes of not speaking to cynthia.

was a little controlling at times. 

has a good heart though. 

mal evans had to drive him home once after a beatles sessions bc he was crying so hard. 

was talking about getting the band back to touring when john said he was leaving the group. 

everyone kind of turned against him when the beatles were breaking up and i hate it.

he just wanted what was best for the band.

married linda and had a nice little farm. 

we love that story.

linda i'm free thursday if you want to hang out pls.

started up the whole “no meat monday” thing where you don't eat monday on mondays

food meat. not the other kind of meat.

children: james mccartney, stella mccartney, heather mccartney, mary mccartney, and beatrice mccartney. 

rip martha. 

WINGS!! 

he lost linda in 1998 due to cancer.

 cried for a whole year bc of it.

still has dreams about john and says they're nice.

wrote a sad song about john called “here today.”

really loved john. like..he truly, genuinely did. 

want someone to love me like paul does john. 

“think of me every now and then old friend.”

honorable paul moments:

his story about george’s dad 

“john? he was beautiful. very beautiful.”

humpty dumpty rap 

another story about him and george.

his google search video that I watch every week 

this 

george harrison 

born: February 24, 1943 

or at least we think 

bc he use to say that his birthday was february 25, but later started saying it february 24. 

why can't we change our birthdays its not like we picked it 

he was the youngest child.

baby of the family and of the beatles awwww

two older brothers named harry and peter. one older sister named louise.

when george’s mom was pregnant with him she’d play sitar music.

his mom was super supportive of his career choice 

when he was 16 he worked as an electricians apprentice.

his dad kind of hoped he would start a family business out of it.

george said nah

would ride the bus opposite way of his house just to spend time with paul 

headbutted a kid bc he didn't think they were worthy of paul’s friendship 

was brought into the band bc of paul insisting to john 

would follow john around like a lost puppy when he first met him 

once had an eight hour erection. don't ask me how idk he said it.

was 17 when he lost his virginity and the other band members were in the room watching and cheered him when he finished 

most sex craved beatle tbh 

once walked into a girls dressing room and asked if they could stand there so he could masturbate 

he was the first beatle to go to america 

got a black eye for defending ringo once 

would make john and paul take turns sharing rooms with ringo when he first joined the band so that he felt more welcomed 

when ringo left during the white album and then came back george decorated the studio with flowers for him 

during the beatles first recording session he told george martin that he didn't like his tie

became a vegetarian at 22 

favorite candy was jelly beans and purple was his favorite color 

used the phrase “grotty” in the hard days night movie, hated it, but everyone else picked up on the slang 

met his first wife, pattie boyd, on the set of a hard days night 

was turned down by her at first 

they married in 1966

wouldn't let her do modeling stuff and was kind of an ass 

a stylish couple but not the best image for a healthy relationship 

got into eastern religion around 1965 

during the Hamburg days he would eat chicken on stage 

had an affair with ringo’s first wife maureen 

got a divorce from pattie in 1977

in 1978 he married olivia who he stayed with until his death and had one son with. dhani.

was the first beatle to hit a number one single and album. 

was buddies with led zeppelin

inspired their “rain song” 

smashed a piece of cake on john bonham’s head and then was thrown into the pool by him 

he financed and produced films. had a production company.

tom petty said that george never shut up once you started talking to him 

but he was often referred to as “the quiet beatle”

formed another band called the traveling wilburys

he’d answer questions online in the 2000′s and it’s the cutest thing ever and his answers break my heart too.

“what do you miss most about john lennon?” “john lennon.”

in 1999 a schizophrenic person broke into his house and stabbed him 40 times 

thank god olivia was there bc she was the only braincell in the room 

had to get a part of his lung taken out 

died november 29, 2001 from lung cancer 

ashes were scattered into the ganges river 

honorable george moments:

this interview he did with ringo 

“i'm sad bc i can't play guitars with john anymore. but i did that...i know we’ll meet again some day.”

when he invented reaction videos 

“the wind was blowing.” “..blowing my girl?”

“what kind of girl do you like?” “john’s wife.”

sir richard starkey aka ringo starr 

born on july 7, 1940 

oldest member in the group 

has no siblings 

naturally was left handed but his grandma thought it was bad luck so he writes right handed, and plays drums with a right handed kit 

but does everything else left handed

when he was 6 he fell into a two month coma 

was a very sick child 

when he was 13 he was in the hosiptal for tuberculosis and formed a hospital band 

grew up poor 

loves and looked up to his stepfather a lot 

his step father bought him his first drum kit in 1957

wasn't that great in school bc he missed so much of it from being so sick 

he worked for a britain railway for a while 

also served drinks on a day boat for a job 

loves dancing 

Rory storm and the hurricanes 

got his nickname from all the rings he would wear

replaced pete best as the beatles drummer 

dealt with people hating him for a bit bc they liked pete more 

had to style his hair in a bowl cut to be in the band and i'm still mad at them for making him do that shit 

ringo i'm so sorry 

george martin didn't really like his drumming and had a session drummer come in for the first album 

in 1964 he had tonsillitis, pharyngitis, and high fever all at once and had to be in the hospital for a bit.

was worried the beatles would replace him for good 

he’s a cancer don't worry

was the first beatle to try weed 

drummers always go first huh 

married his first wife, maureen, in 1965 

she kissed paul, ringo, and george.

what a champ

honeymoon was ruined by reporters 

was really insecure in his relationship and needed a lot of reassurance 

had a great relationship with pretty much all the beatles 

but a great one with john 

john felt his most relaxed when he was with ringo

was once in a movie with roger daltrey 

divorced maureen in 1975 

his wife now is barbara bach who he married in 1981 

had alcohol problems 

once gotten so drunk that he beat barbara so badly that he thought he killed her 

put himself into rehab after that 

barbara lowkey looks like jan from the office 

children: zak, lee, and jason

zak is the drummer for the band the who 

peace and love 

but don't send me fan mail anymore 

peace and love 

ringo starr and the allstar band (starting 1981)

was the narrator for thomas the tank engine 

will play at paul’s concerts sometimes now for fun 

mad bc he came on stage during paul’s last concert show and it was on my birthday and I couldn't go to it 

honorable ringo moments:

“do you want me to come with you?”

stupid barbara walters 

talking about paul 

giving us a little dance 

[inky-duchess]

Court Archetypes: The Dethroned Royals

So obviously I was inspired by The Crown to write this post. Pre-WWI Royalty has always piqued my interest, my favourites of course being the Romanovs who I've been obsessed with since I was like six. But the tragic ends and fates of royals who have been deposed have always caught my interest. So in this post, also inspired by an ask sent in by @therealcommanderbear , we'll be discussing displaced/dethroned royalty and their fates.

Usually when we see this in fiction we have 3 categories.

The Fighter

This displaced monarch fights for what is theirs. They will attempt to win or win back their thrones and kingdoms that are rightfully theirs.

Edward IV: Edward IV was displaced in 1470. He fled for his life after meeting the combined forces of his brother the Duke of Clarence and the Earl of Warwick. He escaped by boat with his close friends and his younger brother, almost drowning at sea before landing in Burgundy. His family escaped to sanctuary where his son, Edward was born. After a chat with the Duke of Burgundy who was kinsman and ally of the king, he returned to England after six months and smashed his enemies in battle at Barnet and Tewkesbury.

Henry Tudor/VII: Henry went into exile at fourteen after the fall of his house. He lived in Brittany with his uncle, waiting in the wings until there was opportunity to return to England. In 1483, an offer was made to let him come home and take up his Dukedom. But in the chaos after the death of the current king, the offer was forgotten. Henry attempted to invade with help from the Duke of Buckingham but was beaten by the weather. He returned in 1485 and won the throne, installing the House of Tudor and ending the Plantagenet line.

Margaret of Anjou & Edward of Westminster: After Henry V died, the kingdom was left to his young son Henry VI. He was not the best king, most adept at praying and sleeping. During the unrest that would eventually unseat him, his wife Margaret took control of their armies and fought for the throne. She was exiled but returned with a Scottish army. She lost some battles and won a few but was eventually beaten and the crown was lost. But after a shock defection from an enemy, the Earl of Warwick, she and her son aimed to take back the throne. The kingdom was won by Warwick yet the Queen and Prince were trapped in France thanks to bad weather. By the time they landed, Warwick was dead, the York king was back and they were effectively fucked. They made a dash to Wales hoping to find support but thanks to a flooded river they were forced to fight at Tewkesbury where the prince died and the queen was captured.

The Refugee

Some royals escape from the coups and revolutions that displace them. They usually flee to family members in other countries or allies in hope that they will shelter them or help them.

Alice of Battenburg & Prince Philip of Edinburgh (Greece & Denmark): After the Greco-Turkish war, things in Greece were getting though for the royal family. After much consideration, the coup that took over exiled Prince Andrew, Princess Alice and their four daughters and their infant son. Famously little Prince Philip was sleeping in a converted fruit crate while this happened. They went to Germany, France and England hopping about without a home. The princesses married into mainly German families and Philip worked in the Navy. In 1952, he married Princess Elizabeth heir to the English throne and shed his foreign titles in favour of a British one. Alice of Battenburg returned to Greece where she founded a nunnery, often selling her jewels to fund the order. During civil unrest, Alice came to England in order to live out her final years at Buckingham Palace.

Dowager Empress Maria Fyodorovna: The mother of Tsar Nicholas II fled Russia during the Revolution. She made it England on invitation from her sister Queen Alexandra. She lobbied to get asylum for the rest of her family but before it could be agreed, it was too late. She returned to Denmark where she died years later.

Marie-Therèse, Madame Royale and Duchess of Angoulême: The only living daughter of Marie Antoinette and Louis XIV was imprisoned along with her mother and brother during the Revolution. After the death of her parents, she was exchanged for French prisoners and sent to her mother's home country of Austria. During the brief restoration, she returned to France and served as Duchess of Angoulême.

Charles II: After the English Civil War, Charles I acted stupidly and got his head cut off leaving us with that cunt Oliver Cromwell. During the time where Cromwell was invading and insulting my country and being a general warty bollocks, the queen had escaped to France with her children. Her daughter Henrietta was married to the Duc of Orléans and her son Charles got busy with the ladies of the court. But Charles was invited back to be king during the Restoration where he chilled on his throne for a good lot of years where he slept around, partied and generally acted awesome. (*plays a loop of Horrible Histories' Charles II's Rap*)

The Tragic

And yet sometimes the story does not end so happily. Revolutions try to destroy the object of their opposition, mainly taking violent options.

Marie Antoinette, Louis XVI & Louis-Charles (Louis XVII): Probably the most famous revolution, the French Revolution claimed the lives of most the immediate Royal family. Louis XVI died first, guillotined after standing trial. His wife Marie Antoinette followed a few months later. Louis-Charles the Dauphin and the accepted king to loyal monarchists was kept in a dank dark cell, bullied into announcing lies that would further smear the reputations of his parents including a testimony that his mother had molested him. Louis-Charles died in the cell, thanks to the damp cell hampering his already ill heath.

Tsar Nicholas II, Tsarina Alexandra, Grand Duchesses Olga, Tatiana, Marie, Anastasia and Tsarevitch Alexei: The Russian Royal family was dethroned during the Russian Revolution and imprisoned by the Bolsheviks. The royal family was sent north to Siberia to live in exile under house arrest. They remained positive thinking that somebody would rescue them be it the White Army or their cousins in England. They believed that they would be banished abroad and sewed their corsets full of jewels. The family was awoken one night to "take a photograph" in the basement of the House of Special Purpose in order to prove they were alive. The family waited along with some close friends, the Tsarina and the crippled Tsarevitch seated. Eleven gunmen entered the chamber and began firing at the family. The men died quickly but thanks to the jewels sewn into their corsets, the women were harder to kill. Once they were dead, the revolutionaries dumped the bodies in a nearby wood separating them so that if anybody found them, they would not think that it was the royal family. During the late half of the 20th century, the bodies were found and identified before being buried.

[frankiefasthands]

one of the reasons I appreciate the umbrella academy so much is as a person who has ptsd from childhood experiences, its interesting to see the representations of different manifestations of dealing with emotional abuse from a young age, and how it effects you as you get older. 

as Luther grows up, he has it a little easier because of being called number one, arguably being his fathers favourite after Ben and five had died/disappeared, but nonetheless it was still a household where emotions were not something to be discussed. this lead to a crossover of where he thinks he has a decent relationship with Reginald, constantly trying to prove himself to him but still feeling reassured that they had a good bond, which is a big part of why he behaves the way he does in s1, he is still trying to be the unemotional, strong leader of the group. when the image of his father is shattered when he finds out he was sent to the moon out of Reginald’s embarrassment, all of that confidence he had in his own abilities previously despite his appearance had vanished. this is when you really get to see the young, scared, and vulnerable boy he is inside, stripped away of the false vision of being his fathers pride and joy.

Diego’s trauma lays in a similar seat with Luther, but the difference is that he was called “number two”. Diego is in a constant war for attention, and since he consistently loses that war, this is what turns the respect he felt into hatred. despite him hating Reginald, practically celebrating his death, Diego still internalises the idea that Reginald had for them, to use their powers for good, to be heroes, even though Reginald was far from a hero in his eyes. he always likes to pretend he doesn’t care about his fathers opinion, but as was shown in the family reunions is s2, it obviously still matters a great deal to him, so much so that his old stutter returns, showing in plain sight he still cares deeply about his father and doesn’t know how to deal with these emotions.

Allison is the one sibling who has the least notes for her relationship with Reginald, but again I think this comes with her being the proverbial middle child. as number 3, her role was still important, but she wasn’t placed as a leader in battle. she wasn’t fuelled by the same competitive rivalry that Diego and Luther had, she wasn’t pushed aside like Vanya, she didn’t die or go missing at a young age, and she wasn’t crippled with the same intimidating power as klaus. in fact, with her ability, it didn’t ever matter what any of her family thought of her, because she could get whatever she wanted. Allison is fucking smart. she knows seven languages, was the main public speaker for the group when they worked together, and with a power like hers you get to know how people tick. so she did as she was told, but I get the feeling that she was much less affected by Reginald’s abuse because she never properly saw him as a father figure like the others had, and saw him more as someone she worked with. “he’s always busy.” she learnt this at a young age where the others got stuck in arrested development vying for his attention, which is why she was the most successful, not just because she can make people do whatever she wants, but because she let go of her emotional ties to Reginald long before she even left the house.

ah, Klaus. he tells the story that is very familiar with many children born into shitty circumstances. considering how Reginald tried to train him through locking him in the mausoleum for hours, leaving him alone with his biggest fear which he never fully got over until he became sober, calling him a failure because he couldn’t master his power like the others, Klaus felt like a let down. and not only that, but as we know those hours being locked away gave him severe ptsd (the others may have ptsd as well but i think it doesn’t manifest as violently as his visions and things (like the bathtub scene). at some point, they all moved out, but with Klaus, when he left, i don’t think he had anywhere to live. we never see Klaus’ house. he was on the streets, with severe ptsd, the ability to see ghosts (which he didn’t want to do) so the inevitable happens. drug addiction is a powerful thing when spurred by childhood trauma. 

five is a bit different, because he doesn’t hold as much animosity towards Reginald like the others. at the point in times where he was still a young boy, he was Reginald’s favourite, arguably so over Luther and the rest, and this is because even at a young age, five was unemotional. he was calculating. along with the ability to jump through space and time, hes also extra intelligent. him and Reginald bond over the fact that they’re essentially kindred spirits, but five is also much more aware of others emotions. most of the time he doesn’t care, unless they’re his family. this is where him and Reginald are different. five actually has emotional capacity whereas Reginald has none. which is why five also then says at the family reunion that hes “sorry for giving him a hard time.” five knows that as a child he was the most difficult. the others did what they were told, and because five didn’t he lost out on his whole childhood. he wishes he was more like Reggie, but only because he wishes he hadn’t made the mistake of jumping in the first place. he wishes he listened. and even though he knows Reginald what a pretty shitty dad, he knows that in that instance, he should have listened. this is what gives him that wedge of empathy for Reginald that the others don’t have.

Ben is a little complex in the sense that he straight up died and we don’t know too much about what he experiences as a child, but we do know he hates Reginald. he is the sensible one, even compared to five, but he hates Reginald. i think Reginald had a similar fear of Ben to Vanya, but unlike Vanya, young Ben could be manipulated like the others. he behaved himself because he was also scared of his own ability. he was also much more in touch with his emotions than the others. after he died, he seemed to see the behaviours of the others in more clarity than they could themselves. he grew up literally invisible, but he was at peace with what had happened to them as kids, he just wanted to help. 

Vanya. Vanya was abused not only by Reginald, but by her brothers and sisters too. she didn’t have the bonding experiences over the shared trauma, which helps a lot in abusive households. as we all know now, compared to her siblings, Vanya has godlike abilities. Reginald was scared of her. he had originally planned for her to be the leader, i think. if you look at all of their powers, the get more objectively strong as you go up the numbers, Luther was only given the role of leader because Reginald had to hide his original plan. i think Vanya was severely drugged up prior to her stopping taking them. i don’t think it was just slightly numbing, i think it was completely snuffing out her emotions, which is why she had such an intense reaction after she stopped. because she had never truly felt the depths of the toll that the child abuse, and her siblings ignorance. she had been completely ignored her entire life because she was too strong. imagine what growing up would have been like for her if he had helped her study her abilities. she would have the proverbial number one. Luther would have been the weakest. they would’ve have all been friends with her. maybe Ben wouldn’t have died. maybe five wouldn’t have skipped out to the apolcalypse. 

they all just deserve so much better.

[sage-nebula]

Do NOT reblog, or I will delete the post and block you.

There are so many posts on here about “eldest daughter this” and “oldest sibling that” but there are no posts that talk about what it’s like to be the middle sibling when your oldest sibling is a complete and utter fuckup in basically every way.

I’m technically the middle child. I have a sister who’s 8.5 years older than I am, and a (technically step-)brother who’s nine months younger than I am. My brother became my brother when I was six and he was five, so the “step-” determination is really meaningless, but I added it to explain how he could be my brother when he’s only nine months younger than I am. Anyway. I have two siblings, one older and one younger, and so that makes me the middle child, right?

Well, yes . . . but also no. 

As you could surmise by the opening paragraph, my older sister fucked up in basically every conceivable way. I won’t get into her whole life story here because that’s not my story to tell (though believe me, there are doozies in there), but suffice it to say that every single choice she made is one that most parents would disapprove of. All three of my parents certainly did. And so what do you think happened when it came to me? 

I’ll tell you what happened. 

Because my older sister fucked up in every way one could possibly fuck up, there was a fear, I suppose, or a concern that I would, for whatever godforsaken reason, follow in her footsteps even though the two of us could not be more different in terms of attitude, outlook, goals, et cetera. As a result, if I did even the slightest thing wrong, the punishment hammer came down on me with all the might of Thor celebrating a delicious beverage. I failed geometry in junior year of high school due to an undiagnosed learning disability (along with undiagnosed severe depression and an undiagnosed anxiety disorder, all following years of abuse at my biological mother’s hands), and I was put under lockdown for the entire summer. I was not allowed to leave the house except to go to summer school, I was not allowed to talk to or see any of my friends, or play video games, or watch television, or be on the internet, or read, or write fiction, or do basically anything besides the aforementioned summer school and listening to music. To this day, my parents think this was a good decision on their part even though they now know about the learning disability and myriad of mental illnesses. They think it was a good call for them to punish me like they did.

And so you would say, okay, but if they punished you that severely because they didn’t want you to end up a drug-addicted high school dropout like your sister, surely they would level the same punishments against your brother, especially since you two were so close in age! Well, you would think that, but nope!

Instead, when my brother was around seventeen, he got pulled over and arrested for marijuana possession. (I think he was pulled over in the first place for speeding, but I can’t remember.) His punishment was to have his car taken away for six months. That’s it. He still had all of his other privileges, was not punished in any other way, he just could not drive for six months. He got in actual legal trouble, but he was still allowed to have hobbies.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that my brother should have been punished more harshly, per se. I’m only saying there was a stark difference in the way that we were treated that my family refuses to acknowledge or own up to even to this day, and it all comes down to the fact that I was never cut slack in either direction. If I was compared to my older sibling, then the fact that she had screwed up so royally in basically every single way meant that I would be made to stand at attention so I could be yelled at for an hour for failing a math class, and then continue to be berated and insulted for how I was clearly never going to college (I have a master’s now, by the by) because of it over the next few days, and yelled at further for having “nothing to say to myself” in the face of all the lecturing. But if I was compared to my younger sibling, why, then it should be expected that he always gets off easier, because he’s younger than I am and the baby of the extended family and, well, I’m older and more mature, so I can handle it better, anyway. And I mean, I guess, for the record, true; I took my punishment in silence because as a victim of child abuse for basically my entire life I never stood up for myself against my parents back then and always just stayed quiet to try to make punishments worse, whereas he threw fits about having his keys taken away every single day for those six months, but also we have to consider how “mature” one really is if that “maturity” stems from a decade and plus some of child abuse.

Because see, that’s the thing, and what has made me really start thinking about this the past few days. I mentioned it on twitter, but a week ago I got into a fight with my mom (stepmom, the better of the two) over politics that has effectively led to her disowning me, I think, which in turn means that my dad has disowned me as well, I think, because I’m pretty sure he’s going to take her side on this one. I won’t get into the actual subject matter here, but the long and short of it is that she accused me of “attacking” her when I wasn’t, and has since then refused to speak to me, even when I tried to offer an olive branch by texting her that fine, I wouldn’t talk to her about politics, but I still loved her. She left me on Read. So the way I see it, she’s not talking to me until I apologize, and I won’t apologize, so she’ll never talk to me and I’m just effectively disowned, I guess. It’s not exactly the first time I’ve lost a parent, and actually, it’s kind of in the same way as the last time.

Fifteen years ago, I left my abusive biological mother to live with my dad and stepmom. (I’m going to keep using stepmom to keep it clear from here on out, just as I use biological mother, even though I do call my stepmom “mom” and consider her as such.) At first my biological mother kept trying to reach out with her pity party guilt tripping about how lonely she was and how much she needed me and yadda yadda, but in the last phone conversation we had, she called me a traitor for leaving her. Keep in mind, I was 15, and she was abusive to the point where the neighbors could hear every profanity and threat she screamed at me from down the street. They told me this. They also told me they always thought about calling CPS, but they never did, but whatever. The point is, on that last phone conversation, she called me a traitor for leaving her. I told her that I wasn’t. She said that I was. I told her I didn’t have to listen to that. She said I did. I said I didn’t, and hung up the phone. I expected her to call right back to curse me out . . . but she never did.

That was fifteen years ago, and we’ve never spoken since.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to speak to her. Actually, the one time it looked like it might happen (at my sister’s wedding), my Fight or Flight response kicked in when I saw her walking toward me and I bolted. I had a panic attack so bad I felt like I was going to vomit. It’s really embarrassing to admit that, but it’s true. The only time I’ve seen her since was at my nephew’s high school graduation (which is the only graduation she got to attend for anyone directly related to her, since my sister dropped out and she didn’t attend mine), but although we made eye contact I looked away pretty quickly and, again, didn’t speak to her. Again, I don’t want to speak to her, this isn’t me complaining, I’ve not lost a single wink of sleep for the fact that she never reached out again despite how my dad likes to go on and on about how she should have “never stopped trying.” (But also, he never picks up the phone to call me for a chat either, despite always telling me how I should call him, so.)

But I just can’t help but notice the similarity. Once again, I have a mother who is refusing to speak to me because she feels I’ve wronged her in some way, and if I want a relationship, then I have to be the one to reach out (even though I already did, but was left on Read, so she wants me to reach out in a very specific way that she won’t even articulate). This isn’t the first time that she (and my dad) have done this, either. When I studied abroad in London, we got into a fight over something stupid over Skype, and I hung up the call. I was 19/20, so you know, not fully mature, but expected to be. Two weeks of silence passed before I had to call them to apologize, because even though their daughter was in a completely foreign country and, hell, could’ve been dead for all they knew, they wanted to Teach Me A Lesson, with that lesson being that unless I behaved the Right Way, they wouldn’t be there for me. And I guess here we are now, about eleven years later, having come full circle with that.

And you know what? I’m tired of it. 

Because here’s the thing about being the second child when the first child is a fuckup in every way: you are expected to not only not fall into those same pitfalls, but also to excel in every single possible way. Not only in terms of grades or whatever else, but also in terms of emotional maturity and support for the parents. This veers into the abuse I experienced, I know (at least some of it), but you know how I mentioned that my biological mother kept going on and on about how much she needed me and whatnot? This is because instead of treating me like her daughter, I was instead treated like her combo maid-servant-therapist. It was my job to wait on her hand and foot when she was home, whether that was through fetching her coffee or being in charge of the refrigerator remaining operational (this sounds specific because it is; when I was about 13 the refrigerator broke and she yelled at me for a.) not knowing it was going to break and b.) not doing anything to prevent it breaking), but also she laid out all of her problems to me day after day, month after month, year after year. Do you know how many times I had to sit and listen to the “your father ran out on me after 22 years of marriage” speech? And when I finally asked her if she could stop she yelled at me because I clearly let him badmouth her but I wouldn’t let her do the same. (He actually didn’t, and neither did my stepmom. She was the only one remaining bitter.) She “needed” me because I was the emotional pillar on top of which sat her own degrading stability. The second time I told her that I wanted to live with my dad (because I told her to her face that I wanted to switch the custody agreement twice, and got browbeaten down twice, before I finally left in secret and didn’t tell her until I was already at his place), she picked up smoking cigarettes again after having quit smoking while she was hospitalized for undiagnosed diabetes and told me that it was my fault that she was smoking again, because I had stressed her out so badly by telling her that I wanted to leave. And like, one, obviously I wanted to leave, is there any question of why I wanted to leave or why that wouldn’t make me just want to leave more? But also two, the point I’m getting at here is that it was always about her, always about her emotional needs, never about mine. My emotional wellbeing was never a priority in that house. I was always expected to be there for her, that was my entire purpose as her daughter. 

With my dad and stepmom it was obviously different, and in a lot of ways it was better because, god, I hated having to be the recipient of the constant stream of stress and misery from my biological mother. My dad and stepmom had each other, so I never had to hear about their woes for the most part. But at the same time, look at what happened when I failed geometry; instead of looking into seeing if they could get me diagnosed with a learning disability, or maybe actually listening to me when I said I felt “burnt out” and pushing a little harder for me to go to therapy, my dad instead yelled at me for an hour and several days after, insulted me, told me I was never going to succeed, and put me under lockdown for the entire summer, cutting me off from my support network of friends. I came from a background of 15 years of abuse, and one fuckup a year or so later lead not to a reexamination of how I was doing, but instead a severe punishment so that I “wouldn’t do it again.” I couldn’t pass a math class in university and in my final year I finally broke and went to my parents about how I really wasn’t going to graduate college because of it, and they agreed to pay to get me examined for a learning disability which, whoops, looks like I had! And my dad still blames me for waiting for so long to get diagnosed and not telling him sooner, when the last time he found I failed a math class that summer lockdown happened. He still hasn’t put the pieces together between that lockdown and why I didn’t tell him about the math classes I failed in university. Amazing.

My point is, with my dad and my stepmom, it wasn’t so much that they used me as an emotional sponge or pillar, but rather that they were pretty much uninvolved so long as I performed adequately, and was the model daughter they could be Oh So Proud Of, but the moment I slipped, bam! Go to jail, go directly to jail, do not pass Go, do not contact your friends. My emotional needs were still not a priority because it wasn’t about whether or not I was okay, but whether or not it looked like I was doing okay in ways that were quantifiable, such as my grades. And I mean, to be fair, I wasn’t exactly keen on opening up about my feelings at that age and I was a pro at masking how I felt and acting like everything was fine because my biological mother would berate me on the car rides to school each morning to the point of tears, and then would yell at me more about how I better clean myself up because god help me if any teachers saw me crying, which would make them think she was a bad parent and that, too, would be my fault. (Protip: Washing your face with very cold water helps clear away the puffiness around the eyes that can be a tell you’ve been crying.) But even so, again, that puts the responsibility on me to do the Right Thing so that they could be there for me emotionally as my parents, and that is just—

I’m so tired of it, man!

I have had three parents and yet have never had the unconditional love of one. Never. My stepmom once tried telling me that she and my dad would love me unconditionally when I was a teen and she was trying to get me to admit I was a lesbian (funny thing is, even I didn’t know I was gay at the time), and my dad walked through the living room and, not even knowing what we were talking about, was like, “No we won’t.” So that was great. But the thing is this whole thing proves that she was full of it, too. Because they tolerate me being gay (while still trying to set me up with men), but because I won’t apologize to my mom when I haven’t done anything wrong but she feels like I have, she’s giving me the complete and total silent treatment until I do. Because I didn’t perform in the way I’m supposed to, because I wasn’t The Mature One, I’m being cut off. Because it’s my job to be The Mature One, because I was always The Mature One, because I never had any goddamn choice in the matter and the dysfunctional environment I was in when I lived with my biological mother (+ my sister, her baby daddy-now-husband, and their two very young children whom I was often put in charge of despite being in middle school at the time because their parents were often too busy doing drugs and/or sleeping to care for them) required it. Because I had to be Kept In Line so that I wouldn’t end up like my sister, but also it was just me that had to be kept in line despite how close in age my brother and I were. And again, I’m not saying that I wish my brother had also been punished harshly, but more that I wish that, you know, maybe some mercy could have been doled out to me, except it wasn’t, because I had two siblings on either side to be compared to and as a result one toe out of the line resulted in a smiting.

But in the end, it isn’t even really about that. This post isn’t really about how I’m simultaneously the eldest daughter but also the second child. It’s more about the fact that I’ve had three parents and yet have never had the unconditional love of even one, even from the one who said I had it. It’s about how my emotional needs were never a priority for any of the parents in my life. It’s about how I basically had to raise myself and it’s a real goddamn wonder I’m not even more screwed up than I actually am because of it. And it’s also about how I really miss therapy and haven’t been able to go for a long time, and I think this rambling stream of consciousness post proves that I really, really need to find a new therapist so I can go back again, because goddamn.

Anyway, once again, do NOT reblog this or I will delete it and block you, I just needed to get this off my chest, but I need it to stay here. Thank you.