#where are you people coming from fr
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I know Big Number (tm) doesn't mean much on tumblr, especially considering dead blogs, but it's still neat so-
#my art#comic#persona#1000 followers#yaayyyyyy#where are you people coming from fr#is this a tumblr gijinka in the year 2024- apparently#it's a birthday present to me yippeee
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im so sick of reading ooc dabihawks fics make them try and kill each other fr i have a GUN
#always written as lovesick morons. i can handle it better for dabi ironically like he is an emotional little asshole#i can see him obsessing over someone and accidentally falling in cringe gay love about it#but it can't be done in a way where he is anything but the specific brand of pathetic i have in myhead#like ooo make him insecure do u know how juicy it is that touya 'dont ever put me in second place or i'll set us both on fire' todoroki#is shipped with takami 'i am literally always gonna pick my job over you lol' keigo. and yet NO ONE UTILISES ITTTTTT#INCOMPETENT! that's the word im looking for omg. you can make him emotional and pathetic but do NAWT make him incompetent in front of ME#and hawks.. deep breath wtf is his fanon characterisation.... you made him a himbo....#like i complain about dabi characterisation bc that's my best friend and only i understand him but in general fanon is actually fine#BUT HAWKS???? WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING TO THAT MAN 😭#he needs to be an asshole im afraid. i loveeeeeeeeeeeee dabihawks fics where dabi is the villain for objective shit like murder and crime#but hawks is the one who is just so so much worse from a reader's pov like he needs to be kinda heartless#will always prioritise his duty over himself and certainly over any lover. dabi is just his target at the end of the day#and yeah obvs he needs to love him back AT SOME POINT im not a masochist im a sucker for the unrealistically fluffy ending#but they need to suffer for that shit!!!! and hawks has to betray dabi at least 4 times#and for fuck sake MAKE THEM TRY AND KILL EACH OTHER FR!!! I HAVE A GUN!!#stop depolluting my toxic yaoi. um. pretty baby. dont suck the rot right out of their bloodstream?#dabihawks#mha#this coming from ur local fujo who has beaten the dabihawks ao3 tag for all its worth. can anyone help me… a rec… pls….
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what is your favorite thing about charles and your favorite thing about erik? separately, as in what you like most about their characters :]
a devious question this one is, my friend!!! it's hard enough for me to explain my thoughts cohesively, but having to pick ONE thing i particularly love is difficult. with characters like charles and erik, theres been so much done with their characters over the decades and so they have so many components to them that make them so interesting and fun to observe. BUT I TRY FOR YOU TODAY. under the cut i kinda ramble and the size of this text box makin me anxious
i think if i were to be simple and broad, what i enjoy most about charles is his determination to help others, even if he isn't really thanked and/or if people don't even like him. ofc, this isn't to say he hasn't done wrong- to be honest, the fact he does wrong/questionable things at times is another aspect of him i really enjoy, maybe because- broadly speaking- he's meant to be altruistic (intent vs outcome and all that). i don't know if that's super exciting to most people, but it is for me
as for erik, my reason for liking him is easier to explain tbh. To Be Simple And Broad, his progression from villain to antihero over the decades has been fun to observe (as much as i have so far anyhow) and analyze. i think to be a bit more specific, him using his rage and pain as justifications for his villainous actions is definitely what compels me the most: hurt people hurt and the sort, an idea i've always found interesting (something something vicious cycles and the like). yet now, he recognizes this wasn't really. A Just Thing To Do and is beginning to change that, which i enjoy
#snap chats#may you forgive me anon i always feel awkward explaining things AVELKJEAKLJ#i feel esp awkward cause i haven't read toooo much of the comics yet- like ive read. an ok amount so far krakoa wise#can you guys tell im fighting god himself to Not write a fuckin. NOVEL#im so sorry i have an over-explaining problem my mom was mean to me growing up but anyways#i definitely want to read more and more outside krakoa. the more i read the more im fascinated by these two and their history#but to continue my prattling. as if the three paragraphs above arent enough This Is Not A Thesis RELAX#i think a. 'poignant' moment i think adds to what i like about charles too is that soliloquy where he recognizes people dont like him#yet he could always be worse- like if he's bad now to others imagine if he really just said Fuck It All#it's simple but so am i whaddyagonnadoboutit. i mean that point itself could be discussed but i'm trying to keep this brief bear with me#i so bad want to know what issue that's from tho all i know is that it's from krakoa but i neeeed the whole context#i think like. an additional bullet point to charles i also like is his loneliness#and i say this cause- I Say From My Amateur-Psychology Armchair- it's a component of why he's so earnest to help#but im keeping this point in the tags until i can confidently verify that with myself after some more reading#Unfortunately a favorite pass time of mine is psychoanalyzing characters like why else you think i major in psychology smh#im going to force myself to cap the post here because i ended up typing like 20 more tags just rambling#and as i said id like to keep this simple and clean !!!!! i have sat here for like four hours answering this ngl#ignore the fact half that time was spent getting distracted by solitaire and riffling cards ok I Am Very Easily Distracted#but fr when it comes to charles and erik- charles esp imo#i feel like i need to write a whole paper just so i can mention the nuances of the characters and like. EVERYTHING#because again six decades is A Lot of time for writing decisions to be made and for their characters to change over time#im a glazer but i wanna be a nuanced glazer yk. is that glazing at that point-- w/e anyway#its a lot. so today you will have to tolerate a very Blah answer from me which i must apologize for#down the line once ive read a comfortable amount more varying from multiple eras maybe ill revisit this question more in depth#as of right now tho .... chat i wanna get legion of x so bad i skimmed it and hhhhhhhhim gonna throw UP#i need to shake charles like a ragdoll BUT ANYWAY. bye bye for now lovelies !!!!!!!#please forgive me if i didnt answer your question efficiently ..#here i am saying i wanted to keep the tag count brief and yet !!! jesus christ. shut up My God I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT
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every time i see discourse about fundraisers go by on here im just fully struck with the realization that not a single one of you people have either taken a cybersecurity fraud prevention course or bothered to take one singular second to consider the website youre on. this is the broke bitches website. none of us can afford to fund our mutuals' grocery bills, much less entire evacuation funds, and CERTAINLY not FAKE evacuation funds taking advantage of genocide victims. all this shit abt how people are deliberately choosing not to fund every post that passes their dash because they hate palestinians literally just does the work of actual scammers for them by laying the high-pressure sales tactics groundwork, and the "do you guys have any idea how hard it is to keep coming up with new attention-grabbing fundraiser posts?" ones just ring EXTREMELY hollow because YEAH! YEAH I DO! and so does everyone i follow! and everyone they follow! because all of us are FUCKING BROKE and surviving on crumbs! i just saw one that said "i make sure to keep $40 in my wallet at all times so i can give $20 to any panhandlers i see, this is the same" and its like!! good for you, thats very nice, but like!!! you need need NEED to take a step back and realize that /being able to do that/ is a position of privilege, not the default setting to be a good person. i wont discount that some people do ignore fundraisers specifically because of racism because Of Course, but like. a) yelling at them isnt gonna make them stop, or more accurately yelling at /everyone else/ isnt gonna make those people stop, and b) trying to apply that as a blanket motivation for everyone just. realistically doesnt work. not donating is a nonaction, it is the literal default status, and while in specific situations you can use CONSISTENT absence of SPECIFIC actions to track a person's motivations SOMETIMES, broadly speaking that just. doesnt work.
there are 8 billion people on this planet. most of them will never know you exist. of the ones that do, most will not be able to help you. of the ones that can, most will not be on the broke bitches website passing the same communal $20 around. consider your audience and stop shitting on fellow poor people for having the gall to need to be careful with their money. and if you are genuinely only posting your fundraiser to tumblr, like. im sorry, but you need to anticipate not reaching your goal and prepare accordingly. theres a reason the last big scam scandal people talk about actually getting the money is like. all-or-nothing era, as a website none of us have the funds to make that kind of thing happen anymore or the security to risk it. a fundraiser not meeting its goal on here is not a personal sleight against whoever made it, its just how life goes sometimes. and it's unfair and it sucks and we should help however we can, but. sometimes you just arent able to help someone else, and continuing to feel responsible serves only to torture yourself. and blaming OTHERS serves only to move that guilt from yourself off onto another person. i imagine that has to be where a lot of the vitriol comes from, is people who cant afford to donate more getting pissed at people they see as having the funds but choosing not to share them, but again, sometimes you just are not able to achieve the goals you set out towards, through no fault of the specific parties involved.
people on tumblr choosing to buy groceries rather than potentially donate to a scam are not your enemy and are not the ones facilitating a genocide. we're all victims of the same horrific system, the question is just how that system manifests its influence on each of us. poverty kills just as thoroughly as a bomb. everyone is just doing their best to survive, and as much as we like to pretend that everyone should be a perfect selfless angel that puts others before themselves no matter what, humans are by default a selfish species, and it is a lot easier to say what youd do in theory than actually do it. and there's a reason you have to put on your own oxygen mask before helping the person beside you, youre of no help to anyone if youre too dead to do anything.
#origibberish#and inb4 someone goes 'are you saying poverty is as bad a situation as GENOCIDE' be so fucking fr with me i s2g#yall know thats not what i mean so if we can just skip the part where we pretend you dont and quibble about semantics thatd be great#also ive seen multiple posts being like 'i cant believe yall are saying EVERY FUNDRAISER FROM PALESTINIANS is a scam' which#uh. no one was saying that?#people were saying that. some scammers were using the genocide as their scam? which. is true? there have been? several confirmed?#like. most arguments in this i can see where theyre coming from but that just. literally is inaccurate#i cant even call it disingenuous even though it clearly is because thats just. so far off of what literally anyone was saying that i have#trouble interpreting it as anything other than a deliberate exaggeration to stir emotional responses.#like. ive said before i see little value in going 'zomg a psyop!!' but that more than anything made me be like#if there was anyone on this website i had to pick to be running a scam using palestine as a cover it would be that person. because just. how#the fuck do you get that interpretation unless youre deliberately trying to emotionally manipulate people into not using#their critical thinking skills to determine scams from real fundraisers.#oh also the posts being like 'even if some are scams‚ so what? you should still risk it'#like genuinely if you have shared that one i have 0 respect for you. like that just. is not how things work in the real world when you#need money to survive.#and when the stakes are 'help save someone from genocide or help someone taking advantage of genocide victims' like.#you really cant see why people would be a little nervous abt that without it being some deep seated personal hatred?#you cant see why picking the wrong one there might weigh on a person?#just. idk. ppl on here need to get better at trying to see others' perspectives i think
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Not only did OPLA took the fun out of Nami (and Zoro), but hate how they also made Nami steal from Kaya in the LA even though Nami only steals from pirates in the manga
I mean... I don't really agree? I can see your point, though. The manga focuses way more on her hatred for pirates and emphasizes the fact that she steals from them respectively more. But I don't think stealing from the rich is something out of character for her. In fact, I think it's pretty much in character and also gives us a great scene about Luffy's views on rich people and money.
Nami won't stop complaining about how much stuff Kaya has and that she doesn't need all these luxuries. That it's unfair for the people who don't even have the chance to eat properly. She complains from a place of experience and hatred towards monetary difference and privilege. Nami grew up poor and her whole story is about finding comfort in money because that's what could've saved her mom and her village. She had to fight for it. Her mom wouldn't stop saying that it didn't matter that they weren't rich because they had each other, but Nami wanted more. Nami wanted stability and knowledge she could only achieve from the books she stole and,, She wanted to be able to live without sacrificing these things because it's just unfair people have to live this way while others swim in money. Arlong took everything from her and the ONLY thing that could've saved them was money. So of course she finds comfort in money. And of course she doesn't like rich people. Nami stealing from the rich and complaining about how they didn't have to fight for these things is extremely in character, in my opinion. It was a great addition to her character and a good way to build up her story.
Then, Luffy. I like the scene in which Nami's trying on outfits and saying rich people don't need all these things, and Luffy responds in a more emotional, concerned way for Kaya. He's like "but there's so much stuff in here and it's so empty at the same time... I'm sure she feels lonely without somebody to share this with" and Nami instantly goes to a more extreme, stubborn POV of "nah, rich people don't have feelings". And I honestly think it explains their characters so well. Luffy is an empathetic boy who grew up in the wild and he had to fight to live. Not even for money because he didn't care about that. He fought to live. He doesn't consider money something good or bad. He considers it just another type of living. And honestly? For him, it's not even good because his own brother was rich. Sabo grew up in a rich family and the kid wasn't happy at all and Luffy knew this perfectly. In fact, Sabo was only happy with Ace and Luffy and Luffy knows this. And I don't know if OPLA wanted to do something like this, and maybe it's a reach, but I honestly think Luffy was thinking about Sabo in that scene. For him, the more you have the less you have to lose because none of those materialistic things are worth it. For Nami, the less you have the more you have to lose. Simple as that.
I like their different views on this topic, honestly. Especially since Nami ends up befriending Kaya and understanding Luffy's POV. That money doesn't give you happiness and Kaya misses her parents the same as Nami. Death doesn't discriminate and money won't save you from tragedies like those. Nami finds comfort in money but it's not even something real. It's a trauma response from losing her mom but she knows it won't save them at the end of the day. At least it'll help them be comfortable, of course, she won't ever let the crew be poor. And also she likes shiny things and expensive stuff but like, obvious trauma response. She's fond of luxuries because she couldn't have them when she was a kid and now she has the chance to enjoy them and it's like telling her mom she finally made it and she's living comfortably thanks to her sacrifice, even if it's unfair she had to do it in the first place. That money isn't all but it's quite obviously it is something useful. Unlike Luffy, who gives 0 fucks about it and honestly, I don't think he even has a good opinion on that. At the end of the day, they both agree on the fact that everyone should live equally and nobody should have this much money to waste when others are dying of hunger (Wano my beloved).
TL,DR: I think it's in character for Nami and it gives us a great view of her opinion on money and also Luffy's past and empathetic personality.
#OMG BEAN SAYING SOMETHING GOOD ABOUT OPLA????????????????????? INCREDIBLE#i can see where you're coming from but i don't really agree sorry :(#nami's just like me fr i fucking hate rich people#and i like mentioning sabo in every fucking post i make yes#i luv him he's my beloved#also sanji and the vinsmokes great example of money and privilege not making you happy or a good person#and doffy bc that man is depressed and just wants a family and no amount of privilege will bring back the real family he k worded#and obviously kaya but i've talked about this in the post she's my girlfriend and apparently also nami's now#one piece#cat burglar nami#monkey d. luffy#kaya one piece#opla#one piece live action
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ALSO, I JUST WANT TO SAY. Although I'm not the biggest Ivypool fan, I never really was, THE FANDOM ISN'T EXACTLY ALWAYS NICE TO HER EITHER. Now, it's not as bad as the way they've treated Dovewing. And Ivypool often felt like a fan favorite, even !! But. I've also seen some terrible takes on THE BOTH of them. Alongside Hollyleaf as well. Honestly, those three cats seemed to get a lot of weird controversy meanwhile Jayfeather is Literally Perfect Boy to the fandom, and even LIONBLAZE doesn't really get much hate- he's just seen as kind of boring, which, is pretty accurate for the majority of the time he had a POV. very starkly different vibe the fandom has towards those cats meanwhile Holly, Ivy, and Dove all stir up arguments all the time. Them being flawed characters are a GOOD THING and idk why some people dont get that
#warrior cats#wc#wc hot takes fr#im sorry im pissed off right now#i like starting trouble ig idk#nothing makes me more upset than seeing undeserved hate towards things#i've always disagreed with a lot of the wc fans opinions tho#more recent ones arent usually this bad but.#what can you expect from a book where ivypool and dovewing have large roles?#people are so mean to them. both of them.#i have my reasons to dislike ivy but COME ON#THIS BOOK WAS GOOD#ivypool#ivypool's heart#IT FEELS WEIRD IM THE ONE SAYING THIS WHEN FOR THE LONGEST TIME. I WASNT AN IVYPOOL FAN.#ive hardly ever seen a single person ever in my whole life ever even dislike jayfeather.#i think blixemi doesnt like him and thats literally the only person i can remember ever saying they dont like Jayfeather#and like ITS FINE TO LIKE HIM!!! thats not my problem#my problem is. why do you like whiney boy over there but not dovewing#and sometimes even ivypool and hollyleaf#anyways#yeah#my point is#this fandom confuses me
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Yessir,,,,,, , , 👁️👁️
#fluff binges !!!#alright . Alright I see you#“Sure he looks pretty I guess but idk he doesn't really seem like my ty–” (episode 16 jumps out from the shadows and curb-stomps me) /lh#I am not immune to Spinel pokemon#I still miss Amethio tho it's been forever since we last saw him where is my angsty bby :{#come back soon sweetie#also shoutout to the Explorers for hiring a bunch of people who all hate each other fr SDJFNSKDFSDKFSNS#Everyone in that room wanted to Throw Hands#pokemon horizons#anipoke#spinel pokemon#explorer spinel
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will forever have a soft spot for chloe cause yeah dawg i get it we can try to avoid becoming attached out of the overwhelming fear of being abandoned again but miserably fail together
#she's not the best person ever#but no one is#and i'm not excusing a lot of her actions#like the way she acted when kate called max will always leave me biting my fist out of frustration#but people love to just stare at the surface n focus on the parts of her that aren't great#n don't bother to wonder what got her there#the part that jumps to conclusions and does things out of pure selfishness#and that part that doesn't really think things through...#like shooting that damn bumper#but i GET IT#putting so much trust and love into people just to have them disappear on you especially if you dont know if its intentional#not getting closure can do SO much damage it's not even funny#n it legit can just make you feel like an idiot when you look back like#why did i try so hard just to end up alone#like this girls life went downhill at the age of 14#she just like me fr 😭😭😭😭😭😭#no but#it's hard not to feel like the worlds against you#even at the end she acknowledges that she's been selfish#SO#i don't like believing that she chooses to be this way yknow like#i truly think that she believes acting like a hardass all the time is the only way she'll be able to get by anymore#she lost her dad n then max n then tried again with rachel and then lost her#i'd be fuckin insane too#girl just doesn't wanna be hurt anymore#there's better ways of coping and acting but overall i get where she's coming from#n ill always save her bc i genuinely believe that she deserves a second chance#to live her life and find happiness again#life is strange#chloe price
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If you're saying how Penelope needs to keep Whistledown, or how her giving it up harms the story, you may not understand the character I fear.
#bridgerton#penelope featherington#like I'm sorry did we miss how all her emotions have been on the page early this season because she felt it was all she had left?#how she very clearly doesn't view this as her purpose?#how she keeps hurting people she loves and cares for and is wracked with guilt each time to fhe point of quitting at one point?#Whistledown is harmful for Penelope its *not* healthy#I've been saying for a while I few it as an allergory for addiction because of how similar the beats are#everyone talks abouthow like Portia she is in Whistledown but the nature of it is very like her father#something that hurts her and everyone around her; smething that started innocent enough and has spiraled outof control#something she wants to give up but keeps coming back to or finding reasons why she shouldn't#I'm aorry but if you think this is her purpose that this will continue to bring her joy when she could use her skills for anything else#like...idk WRITING A BOOK? Like she does in the books?#you are wearing blinder to certain aspects of her character#but fr where did this narrative that Pen gives it up and then is just a fucking housewife come from?? thats not how that goes??#who lied to you?? she still writes just something that makes her actually happy??.?
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main reason i wanna make clothes even on a small casual scale for myself is there's soooooo many cute things i see. alas. i am fat.
#some of the dresses/top i see im like. i want that. oh. oh it's for skinny people only. anyways#i only got into this kind of stuff within the last couple of years. shopping in the womans section is like. damn. damn i know stuff sucked#but i didn't know exactly how bad. as a person who mostly wore leggings/skinny jeans/t-shirts#i've been lucky to find stuff and been able to piece together what i think are nice outfits in my style from discount/thrift shops#i know some fellow fat people aren't that lucky but honestly it's abt diy#this coming from someone from a tiny ass area where finding thrifted clothes requires sorting through so much shit#until you find one or two nice pieces that'll fit you. or that you can diy into something your style#i can't sympathize with fellow plus sized people who use stuff like shein like cmon......#i get wanting to dress cute but. like. fr.
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missing people is stupid bc it’s really like damn foo you managed to walk straight into my very impenetrable fortress that I constructed to keep my heart away from people bc they are evil and u managed to reach it and I actually Liked you fr…… and now you are a memory
#like you actually ARE cool and sweet and nice and real quality etc but ala richard siken someone always has to leave first#and I have a habit of running#missing people is how you really know that’s what a loss is#there r so many ppl that come and go from ur life and ur like they were cool but bye bye! nd that’s that but there’s the RARE few where#its like damn thats a genuine Loss fr like ouch… sad !#but that means u got to love someone which is also rare and nice…#hope it happens again soon but the next has to stay longer !!!!!!#text
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I do tend to like the trope of "one or both characters faking or being disingenuous about their role in a relationship but ending up being shaped by it anyway"—and yes "fake dating" and all its variants are included in that! but! that is not the end-all-be-all; the possibilities here are endless. for example:
fake mentor/mentee
fake siblings
fake bodyguard/person they are protecting
fake parent/child
fake prisoner/guard
fake royalty/servant
fake rivals
fake divorced
even just. fake friends please I love fake friends
#tropes#fr though the situation with Shallan and Jasnah in The Way of Kings was so compelling to me#I cannot understand why some people said those sections were boring I was waiting for them specifically#the only thing getting me through Kaladin's long depressing bits sorry#bc like. She's coming into being the student/ward with ulterior motives#and intent to betray and steal from her mentor?#but she still respects her and wants to learn from her#and does learn from her#even as she's plotting behind her back#and you can see them connecting intellectually and personally and learning and developing as people because of their relationship#but we know that it can't last bc the trust is going to be broken#and that scene in the bath where Shallan almost steals the soulcaster had me absolutely on the edge of my seat#!!!!!!!#anyway#as an example
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pvpciv finale spoilers. and parkciv too
is there ANY universe where evbo isn't betrayed oh my God
#redd posts#hi sorry parkciv and pvpciv spoilers in the tags. just a warning#im fucking BAWLINF#“show me how i mean nothing to you” OH MY GOD??????#EVBO LITERALLY PUTTING HIS LIFE ON THE LINE JUST SO TABI IS SAFE AND GOING OUT OF HIS WAY EVERYTIME TO LET HER COME WITH HIM?#AND THEN TABI THROWS IT ALL AWAY JUST FOR A CHANCE AT IMMORTALITY? ARE YOU FR?#THE SCENE WHERE EVBOS DIAMOND SWORD WAS ON THE GROUND. MY JAW DROPPED#EVBO CANT TAKE A BREAK FROM BETRAYAL!!!!#FIRST SEAWATT IN PARKCIV 2 NOW THISS?????#I HAVENT WATCH MCSIM YET BUT IF IT FOLLOWS THE SAME THEME.... 😭#PVP! EVBO WHO KNOWS NOTHING BUT VIOLENCE YET CONTINUES TO SHOW CARE AND TRUST IN THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM#EVEN WHEN HE KNOWS ITS TO HIS DETRIMENT#LIKE WHEN HE TRUSTED PRINCE ZAM. THE IRON SWORDS. TABI#SO FAR THE GUARD HASNT BETRAYED HIM YET?? IF I REMEMBER??? SO IM HOLDING OUT ON HIM#BRO LITERALLY SLEEPS IN EVBOS BED SOO 😭😭#THE SCENE W TABI AND EVBO HAS ME ON THE FLOOR. SOBBING. TEARING ME#UP* I CANT DO THIS MAN OH MY GOD#IM CRYING OVER A MINECRAFT SERIES 😭😭
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One of my big compulsions is taking a fuck ton of screenshots Just In Case a piece of information is important in like 4 years and I can't remember it (sometimes the information is an instagram post that I might not remember later and of course needs to be recorded everywhere (I will Not be looking at that again)) so today is my transfer 16000 images off my phone admin day (woo)
Like yeah I never looked at any of them and they were completely irrelevant to my daily life, But what if I need them ✨️ later ✨️ (you'll see that the idea of Later is doing a lot of heavy lifting here) OR what if there's a vital piece of information in the mix somewhere that I'll lose forever if I delete them? So: onto the external hard drive they go
This is one of those cases where. Yeah. Ideally I wouldn't take 16000 screenshots in half a year. And YEAH ideally I'd just delete them and not transfer them somewhere else to never look at again. BUT at least I get a clean slate and I can maybe not mindlessly save everything for 2 seconds. It's like. Small wins? Progress. Yknow.
#rangnar rambles#i also use my tumblr drafts this way which is how i have probably 2000 drafts for this blog that are just? like me saving a post for 'later#and then theres too many in my drafts for me to even find *MY* drafts#i need to just hard reset the draft function bc its literally unusable for me#'matt this is all irrational and weird' by god. my irrational thoughts disorder makes me do weird shit? are you fr rn??? 😨😨#i get so stupidly in my own head and then i dont make progress towards Anything#even like a fun sideblog where i can actually yknow. post that 2k nightmare? i just cringe myself out like a dumbass 😔#i feel like ocd thoughts always sound lame out loud (and in my head to myself too)#like the Urgency doesnt come across#like in the moment i am Completely convinced that my national insurance number and bank deets are in there somewhere#and theres suddenly no way on earth i could ever find them again if i delete the picture. so to the hard drive they go#i Would go through that whole thing if i suddenly needed a screenshot from 2019 btw. like the crazy isnt theoretical#ive hallucinated gas leak smells before and woken up my flatmates bc i couldnt convince myself i was over reacting#its just cus the seasons have changed that everythings ramping up but omg its hard to do anything but spiral nowadays#thats a little dramatic but i am losing like. a quarter of the day to my ocd#its like. not great 😬#im not back to convincing myself i gave my dad cancer but i am not letting myself use half the kitchen again#but eh soo la voo we ball#HAH i checked my drafts after this and i was lowballing so hard#5.7k on this blog. 12k on my main 💀. its not funny but it kind of is#this is why youll never catch me running a queue#this is such a miserable post but i do feel the need to not let it sit in the drafts pile. to prove the point i guess 💀💀💀#'no one gives a shit this is your blog' 'oh my GOD WHAT IF PEOPLE GIVE A SHIT' <- omg shut upppp youre so embarassing 🙄#one more time for the gallery: i am like. aware that these feelings are irrational. like i am fine it just takes time for reality to kick in#ANYWAYS what was that who said that that was so weird im gonna go look at old romantic era paintings now#if tam is a screenshot fiend in the next fic u know what happened
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not to be ungrateful but i don't get paid enough at my job lol
#the problem with jobs that people do bc they love the work is that it doesn't pay well and you will be overworked to death#genuinely couldn't quit bc i love the kids too much already but 15 an hour is....not ideal tbh....#how am i supposed to make future plans in these conditions#i cant ask for a raise ive only worked here 3 months but ugh#the only reason i got hired is i finally broke my rule abt the minimum hourly rate i was willing to accept#i applied to the two 14-16 an hour jobs and used the one i already accepted to get this one to gove me 15 instead of 14#but that's still not a lot tbh#need to buy an oven since we havent had a working one since january#and i keep gping ok next time i get paid i will buy an oven#and it hasnt happened yet#and i need.....17k to invest in starting my own business and i will not see a return on that for a very long time 😭#and i have no idea where that money will be coming from lol#fortunately its not that time sensitive except it kind of needs to happen in the next year or two probably but idk#if i dont do what i need to do idk what will happen but i think the issue will become more expensive but also maybe less expensive#but also uglier and make my neighbors mad#but i have no choice but to wait bc i have no money for that lol#anyway#17k is my immediate expense but i also need to come up with the money to eventually buy my parents house somehow#and i dont even make enough to pay the mortgage 😭#fortunately i dont need to do that for a long time but...eventually#anywayssss#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions#i do love working with kids but jts hard work and all my coworkers are petty and hate eachother so its a lot#and i dont make enough money to live fr#im so lucky i live w my parents bc nobody at my job makes enough to live on their own lol#also the sheep that are supposed to be clearing brush got sick and went back to their farm and they're not coming back this year at all#so we need to brush hog it#or contract another farm#im not sure if its even safe w their poop all over the place snd im not getting any communication from the farmers#but it lowkey might be better to get our own sheep but thats so much work i dont want to think abt doing livestock
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SUPER DARK TIMES (2017) DIR. KEVIN PHILLIPS
#super dark times#zach taylor#allison bannister#sam edits#if you listen closely you can hear the sound of both mine and Allison's hearts breaking! <3#ok but fr: i know this is gifs. so no sound. but the WAY he DELIVERS the 'you've got a bump on your head' line makes me NUTS#it's so soft. it's so fond. it's... it's a punch in the fucking gut. he likes her *so much* but he *can't let himself have this nice#thing with her* because he's *being eaten alive by guilt he can't accept & won't let himself be happy because of it* and SHE DOESN'T KNOW!#like the thing. the thing is. when you watch SDT you're along the ride with Zach and his POV of everything. despite the obvious paranoia#& guilt warping his perspective/influencing his behavior—we can see where that's all coming from. we understand the motivations#behind the actions he takes. but ALLISON? Allison has no fucking clue what's going on! from Allison's perspective... Zach is this guy she's#known for a while (like they make a point of *telling us* in one of the earliest scenes that Zach feels weird talking about her in the#detached way they may talk abt other people in their grade they barely know—because it's *different* since he and Josh *actually know her*#plus in the script [and it STILL COUNTS TO ME because she *starts* saying the line but just gets cut off by Dennis] Allison brings#up Zach & Josh having had a silly handshake since 7th grade ['oh god that used to make me pee!' <- girl why would u say that to him]#so it's like... these are kids who've known each other for years!) and he's got this obvious fucking crush on her (the hallway scene where#he is. blatantly staring and she catches him for a second) and the moment she decides to actually start pursuing him because SHE'S#got a crush on HIM too... he starts pulling away and acting erratic and sending her the most mixed signals in the fucking world.#and sheee THINKSSS ITS HERRR FAULT!!!!!!!! like. listen. this scene i giffed above? this is what she's fucking talking about later#when she jokes about not wanting to 'scare him off again'. like sure she says it like a joke but... uhm. i simply think there's#a certain amount of truth to it too—because he DID leave the party visibly freaked out! and i think it'd be perfectly believable for her#to think that it was at least partially HER pushing too hard that was causing him to withdraw/pull away from her. plus she blatantly says#she thinks she's the reason Josh & Zach are fighting. like. this poor girl is on the outskirts of a tragedy she'll probably NEVER know the#details of but she's seeing firsthand the impact it's having on Zach and... blaming herself... that's so fucking heartbreaking
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