chausa

[chausa]

My Roman Empire

The term “Roman Empire” is a 2023 Tik Tok slang that describes something special that you think about daily. It’s used either to talk about people’s favorite movie, a deep Taylor Swift’s Folklore line, or memorable event in your life.

Singapore is my Roman Empire. My aunt lives there, and she funds for my trip every year to go see my cousins, Arthur and Anthony. Anthony is a generation younger than I am, so we don’t talk that much, but Arthur on the other hand is my best friend. He’s a bit racist but I tolerate it.

Last Chinese New Year break, I went to Singapore for 2 weeks. A friend from my online Finnish class lived there, and I decided to hang out with him. It turned out to be the best decision of my life.

Daniel Rudd Chia.

Good pretty Christian boy with tan skin and a witty sense of humor. He was my type from the top of his bushy hair down to his $40 sports shoes. Daniel says so much and I could never get enough of his stories. From the time his mom tried legal marijuana with Snoop Dog to his trip to Iceland 6 years ago with his sister, from the time he buzzed off his gorgeous hair to the most ridiculous reasons he's been suspended for, from his side hustle of making keyboards to his friend Dylan from Finland, I listened. And so did he, adding some careful witty remarks every now and then to crazy stories I tell him about the guys I used to waste time with. He would always pull me either into Sephora to buy me makeup, or these fancy perfume shops with names we can't pronounce to use up all of their sample perfumes as the cashier glare at us. Once we went to BBW, I told him about this candle there I really like, and this guy grabbed it from my hands, checked the price, and said "$52 isn't that bad" as he walked up to the counter. I swear right then and there my ovaries exploded all over the place.

Daniel asked me out for Valentines, and we watched the sunset at the skyline of Marina Bay Sands. The sound of the waves mixed in with the live jazz performance not very far from us. I had my head on his shoulder when he asked me what I really wanted to do before going back to Vietnam, and I said it was to kiss him.

"We had so much fun the past few days, gotta end it with something right?" was his reply before he leaned in.

On my last day there, he ditched watching a football game at the National Stadium to spin me around on North Bridge, and said he was glad he did. At that time, I thought about how a month ago, I was so willing to unconditionally fawn over an emotionally unavailable man to the point that I'd rip myself open and drown all that hard work down my liver. I told myself I'd change, and despite those countless repetitive words that kept pouring out of my mouth like water all these years, I did.

I thought I'd finally learned my lesson, and Daniel Rudd Chia was my reward.

But high school relationships aren’t very well known for their success stories. Eventually we parted ways. Either it was from my fragile self esteem or the strain from the long distance, it ended. I’ve been with my fair share of men, but only now do I feel like a stereotypical 15 year old girl breaking from a fairytale delusion. Even if it was just for three days, I got to feel like a princess for the first time in my life.

It’s been a few months too long, yet every time I get my blood taken in the hospital I close my eyes and think of his.

He is my Roman Empire.