#where are we up to on writing S10

[jessieren]

As a continued brain cleanse plus Sunday confessional some of my favourite B&W pics of our boy

As has been noted before.. we needed a noir episode

Season 10 anyone??

Pics by EndeavourNeverland

[ddejavvu]

hi i love your writing!! can i request hotch x reader where he did a press conference or something on the news (i just watched the halloween one in s10 he looked fiiiine) and then reader runs into him in public and recognises him ty in advance

Perhaps you should have taken his casual attire as a sign that he wasn't on duty, but you can't stop yourself from blanching at the sight of the man stepping up to the counter before you. Hotchner was his name? Agent Hotchner?

"You're the man from the news," You blurt, before he's even able to get his coffee order out. He looks somewhat taken aback, dark eyes widened slightly, and you're sure it's not often that he's ambushed by his baristas, and you clear your throat, "I- sorry, I just- I saw you last night on tv."

"Our press conference," He's skilled at overlooking your awkward interjection, nodding with the hint of a smile on his face, "I'm glad you were tuned in to the news and stayed safe."

"Did you catch him?" You ask, coffee long forgotten. You'd been a nervous wreck at the announcement of a serial killer in your town, a real serial killer killing real people like you, and you almost hadn't shown up for work today out of anxiety.

"We did," He nods, "He's safely locked away. And he will be for a long time, I promise."

"Thank you," You breathe, palpable relief in your tone, "Thank you, I- I can't even imagine how scary it must be to chase after people like that, but thank you for doing it."

His brows raise and his eyes flood with gratitude, something you hope is visible in your own gaze. Evidently, he doesn't get this very often.

"It's my job," He smiles fully now, settling into his place at the counter as customers come and go on either side of him, "There's no need to thank me."

"It's a job you chose," You counter, "I was really- it was scary, thinking that he was out there. That I might be next, that my friend might, that my mom might. I do need to thank you for that."

"You're safe now," He promises, and something about the honey-sweet tone of voice he uses makes you truly believe it.

"I'm sorry for holding you up," You apologize after a beat of comfortable silence, refocused on the screen in front of you, "What can I get for you, sir?"

"A medium coffee. Black, please." He recites, "And a cheese, egg, and ham sandwich, if you've still got any."

"That'll be all?" You verify, punching his order into the computer. He nods with a smile, already pulling out his wallet.

"Oh, no sir," You clear his total, pulling from your tip jar to cover the cost of his order, "I'd feel guilty for charging you. You helped a lot of people, your order is free."

"I insist-" He tries, moving his card towards the scanner, but you tug the appliance away.

"I insist," You stand your ground, "Please, I'm going to be able to get home safely tonight thanks to you, I have no problem giving you a free coffee."

"A sandwich, too." He reminds you, "You're very kind, but I can't take free food. Please, let me pay for one of the items?"

"My treat." You slide bills into the register, triumphant when his shoulders sag and a sheepish smile overtakes his face as he slides his card back into his wallet.

"Thank you," He returns your gratitude, eyes the color of his coffee somehow sweeter than sugar "I appreciate it. I meant it before, you're very kind."

You're happy that the breakfast sandwiches are stored behind you, because it gives you a chance to hide the way your face contorts into a bashful grin as you prepare his order. Now that the fear of being attacked is out of your head, you're able to marvel at the man's looks, something you'd tried tamping down to focus on bigger issues at hand. A smile suits him, and so does a t-shirt and jeans, and you're glad you got to see a side of him that isn't grim and grey.

"Thank you," He beams when you return with his order, simple enough that you'd made it while he stood at your register, "Have a great rest of your day."

"You too, sir." You nod, trying not to react when his fingertips brush your hand, and you applaud yourself for keeping your composure until he's safely out of the building.

That same composure breaks when you're emptying your tip jar for the day, counting out each bill to stuff them in your wallet and grocery shop for the week. A wad of them falls out that you're fairly certain you didn't see anyone drop off, and it's revealed to be three $20 bills with a stiff piece of cardstock in the middle.

You're momentarily horrified that someone dropped the wrong amount in, put in the contents of their wallet when they meant to leave a $5, but the name on the card hits you like a semi-truck.

SSA Aaron Hotchner.

Damn that man, he must have slipped the cash into your jar while your back was turned. You'd been trying to save him $7 for the coffee and the sandwich, and he treated you to a cart of groceries instead.

You flip the card to find his number, not sure if you're brave enough to call and give him a speech that's half thankful and half scolding. But there's pen scrawled on the back, and you squint to read the print.

'Don't try returning the tip, I won't take it back. Thank you for being so kind, and if you ever need a favor, you know who to call. - Agent Hotchner'

[yamujiburo]

POKEMON SERIES RANKED (IMO)

I get this question a lot and haven't made an updated list with Journeys

Original Series (S1-S5)

Sun & Moon (S20-S22)

Chronicles (S0)

Diamond and Pearl (S10-S13)

Advanced (S6-S9)

Journeys (S23-S25)

Black & White (S14-S16)

XY (S17-S19)

Original Series (S1-S5)

OS had that first season charm. Very unpolished, still finding its footing but super enjoyable for those reasons

Probably the strongest series comedy-wise

That GORGEOUS 90s anime style

Main character dynamics were REALLY strong

Ash's personality felt much more like a shitty little 10 year old which was entertaining

Dub writing was also the best hands down

Sun & Moon (S20-S22)

Honestly tied for first with OS for me

REALLY fun ensemble cast! They do a fantastic job giving each character enough time for you to get to know and care about

Excellent modern anime style that perfectly fit the vibe of the season and allowed for some of the best character animation of the show's run

Finally figured out how to write Ash like a 10 year old again (but in a kind/sweet 10 year old way as opposed to OS)

Very different from previous series in terms of the formula they'd follow. Doing a school series instead of another "8 badges to championship" plot felt new and fresh!

This series genuinely made me cry the most (MEMORIES IN THE MIST!!!!! LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME)

Chronicles (S0)

Fun concept! It was really nice to see more of the side characters without Ash there. We get to see more of Misty, Tracey, Daisy, Brock, Ritchie, Oak, Delia, Butch, Cassidy, Jessie, James and Meowth!

Stylistically really nice. Just solid drawings all around and it retained the 90s anime style in digital form more successfully than other digitally done series imo

BUTCH AND CASSIDY!!! Team Rocket centric episodes!!! Training Daze!!!!!!!

Idk how possible it would have been (seems like a TON of work) but it made me want one of these in between each season, where we'd follow the characters that Ash had just said goodbye to for the next region.

Diamond and Pearl (S10-S13)

Series I grew up with! Honestly I was kinda a hater as a kid but having watched it back, I love the series

Love that Ash and Dawn were bros. They had a really fun dynamic.

Debatably peak Team Rocket. They had some of the best Team Rocket centric episodes this series.

Contests were really fun and a bit more figured out compared to the Advanced series

Fun, memorable rivals for Ash (Paul and Barry) as well as Dawn (Zoey, Kenny and Jessilina sometimes)

This is unfortunately where I stopped caring about Ash as much. He feels kinda watered down for the next couple series.

Advanced (S6-S9)

Pretty tied up with DP for me

Really fun series! Still had some of that early Pokémon charm

I appreciated that they put Ash in more of a mentor role for May (but he still had a lot to learn himself).

Ash and May constantly butting heads was really fun

May was a very compelling character to me, being very clumsy, kinda lazy, directionless, not really into Pokémon, etc. But then over time, she comes around and finds something she's interested in!

Journeys (S23-S25)

I love the episodic take as well as the way they let the characters jump around from region to region at random

Goh was a GREAT travel companion to Ash. They contrast each other nicely, have moments where they get on each others' nerves but still get along and have a mutual admiration for one another.

It was fun that they made Goh's thing catching every Pokémon (the motto of the entire series) so they could focus on Ash just training and prepping for Worlds.

Amaaaazing style. Took the great parts of classic Pokémon, roundness of SM and blended em together for a really fun look.

Black & White (S14-S16)

I don't think it's that controversial to have BW this low haha

I did enjoy Iris and Cilan but it felt like the writers didn't reaaally know what to do with them? Also this was their first time in a while not having Brock and it shows. I feel like Brock was successful because he was grounded and lower energy compared to the rest of the kids. Having 3 pretty eccentric characters is kind of a lot. No hate to the characters in the slightest, there was just not as much balance.

I think maybe they leaned on Cilan and Iris for more comedic relief because they killed the comedic relief that was Team Rocket this series. I appreciate them trying something new with Jessie, James and Meowth but I don't think it worked very well lol

XY (S17-S19)

I've ranted about this series a lot LOL. I get the appeal of it, but it just wasn't for me. I felt like it was the weakest comedy-wise and took itself a bit too seriously for my taste

My main gripe is that Serena, Clemont and Bonnie all like,,, worship Ash. By doing so, Ash begins to feel like a side character because we're constantly looking at Ash through their eyes. There's so little conflict within the group so their dynamics feel really flat. I think this dynamic could have worked if they leaned waaay more into Ash being a mentor and maybe feeling the pressure of having to be a role model for the people around him.

Team Rocket very much feels like an afterthought in this series. They did in Journeys as well, but at least in Journeys they were doing something silly and also had a handful of episodes dedicated to em.

Outside of that, the episodes weren't super memorable for me

I think it's just frustrating because there was sooooo much potential character-wise

[lanadelnegan]

Can you do a pt 2 to your Negan and reader fuck buddies story where some guy gives a his jacket to reader because she gets cold and Negan is working outside and he can see them and when she goes over to him later he's like "who's jacket is that" and she's just like "idk some guys" and he's like "you don't remember his name?" And she's like "No, not really" and then he just whispers good and starts kissing her and then it hits reader that he's super jealous and she starts smiling and shit and they end up having rough sex (matting press pls 😈)

Anon request #2: I love your writing so much and i LOVED your latest post for Negan omg can you do a pt. 2 or something where Negan sneaks off with reader during the day and eats her out since she sucked him off before 🙏 again you're writing is absolutely amazing keep up the amazing work ♥️

___________________________________________

Gonna combine these two since they're similar! Thanks for the requests, ilyyyy 😘

Lip Gloss (Pt. 2)

S10/11 Negan x Reader

Part one here

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, smut, p in v, oral (f receiving), semi-public sex, heavy breeding kink, mentions of future pregnancy, mention of death (negan threatening other men)

It's been a few days since I've visited Negan in his cell, so when I spot him across the yard doing some gardening, I can hardly pry my eyes off of him. They just started letting him help out around here, and I'm happy for him.

I try not to stare, not wanting others, or him, to catch me in the act. I just got back from dropping some supplies off at Hilltop, and I continue walking, eager to finally to get back to my own house. I shiver and grip the unfamiliar jacket closer to me as I walk past him, hoping he doesn't notice me. I can't risk someone seeing us.

"So that's how it's gonna be, huh?"

I walk slower but don't turn around.

"You've gotta be kidding, y/n. Not even a hi?"

I turn this time, walking over to him while glancing around. Luckily everyone is either in their homes or far enough away where they won't notice.

"Negan, it's not personal. You know that. But we can't be seen being all sweet on each other."

He grins down at me cockily.

"Then don't. Slap me. Yell at me. Do what you have to fucking do, but don't ignore me."

When I don't respond, his face turns serious and his brows come together. "Whose fucking jacket is that?"

I look down, blushing a little. "I dunno." My hands slide in the pockets. "Some guy's."

"Oh, some guy? You don't remember his name?" He whispers down at me.

"No. I was just cold, Negan. I didn't even ask him his name." I look at him confused.

The side of his mouth raises into a smirk. "Good."

"Aw, is someone.. jealous?" I raise my eyebrows at him.

Without warning, he grabs my wrist out of the jacket pocket and pulls my body against his before pressing his lips into mine.

After a couple seconds, I jerk away quickly and look around. "Negan! What the fuck!" I whisper yell at him.

"No one's lookin', doll." His hand presses into my lower back, pulling me into him again. His other hand tilts my chin up to kiss me again.

"Someone could be looking from their window." I say in between our kisses.

"Then let's give them a goddamn show." He deepens our kiss, slipping his tongue in my mouth as I moan into him.

"Negan." I breathe out.

"Come see me tonight, baby. It's my turn to make you feel good."

"No. I need you.. now."

His smirk widens into pure arrogance as he looks down at me. "Hell baby, I am not gonna say no to that." He looks around to make sure we're still alone. "Come on."

He leads me to the side of one of the houses until we're out of sight before crashing his lips into me hard, pressing my back into the exterior wall.

His bulge presses into me firmly and I reach for him but he grabs my hands.

"Not so fast, baby. I am fucking starving." He whispers as he unbuttons my pants, quickly sliding them and my underwear down and off my legs. My eyes widen as I look around, hoping no one walks by.

"Negan.. maybe we shou-"

Before I can finish, he's on his knees in front of me, throwing my leg over his shoulder, and burying his face into my pussy.

My mouth gapes open as I stare down at him. He licks from my hole to my clit before stopping and sucking it lightly.

"Oh my god." I breathe out. "Negannn." My fingers lazily grip his salt and pepper hair as I moan out.

He pulls back for a moment to look up at me.

"God, baby. You gotta fucking come see me more. This pussy is my new favorite meal." He dives back in like a starving man, devouring me from the inside out.

"Negan.. Negan, I'm getting close." I whimper out, leaning my head against the wall and pushing his head closer to my center. His tongue laps at my dripping hole while his nose nudges my clit.

"Can you squirt, baby? Want you to spray those delicious juices all over my face."

I shake my head. "I’ve never, uh - I don't think so."

He chuckles before pressing his face back into my cunt.

"I do." His lips move against me as he slides his middle finger teasingly through my folds and slipping it deep inside my pussy. He curves it in a "come here" motion while sucking my clit simultaneously and my orgasm hits me like a tidal wave, almost knocking me from my feet.

Negan steadies me with his other hand under my thigh so I don't collapse.

"Fuuuck! Negan!" I suddenly feel a pool of warm liquid between my legs and he groans loudly, licking up every drop. "That's a good fucking girl!" His deep voice vibrates my center.

He pulls back once he's licked up every drop. I blush at the sight of my wetness glistening on his lips and beard.

"I knew you could do it, baby. So fucking proud of you."

He stands up and I slowly trace my lips over his, rubbing my own wetness from his mouth over mine.

The faint sounds of voices appear in the distance and I quickly throw my pants back but not before realizing my panties are gone. I look at his jeans to see them sticking out of his pocket.

He shrugs innocently when I look at him and I roll my eyes. Such a Negan move.

"You just gonna leave my blue balls hangin', sweetness?"

I grab his hand, leading him to the back of the house, which happens to be mine. "You have such a way with words."

"So I've been told." He grins as we enter the backdoor and I waste no time kissing him and leading us to the couch.

"Y/n, listen. We need to talk first." He interrupts.

"What's there to talk about? I need you in me." I continue kissing him while taking my pants off clumsily.

I quickly discard the jacket, then my shirt and bra, leaving me completely exposed to him.

"You are such a fucking smoke show, doll. Holy hell. Don't know what you're thinkin' givin' an old man like me the time of day."

I shrug. "Not a lot of options around here."

He chuckles before slowly walking towards me. "No? Maybe you should go live with your boyfriend at Hilltop, then."

"Maybe I will.." I whisper up at him before he picks me up suddenly, throwing me over his shoulder.

I yelp as I'm turned upside down. "Negan!"

He walks us towards the first door he sees, my bedroom, and kicks it open forcefully while smacking his hand on my bare ass and throwing me on the bed.

"Negan! You just broke my door!"

"Not the only thing I'm about to break, sweetheart.”

I lean up on my elbows and watch him undress. My mouth waters when his cock finally springs free.

I bend my legs, raising my knees and spreading my legs apart in front of him while my hand drifts to my aching center.

Negan watches me lustfully while he pulls his t-shirt off.

"Y/n. Remember when I said we needed to talk?"

I nod my head and slowly circle my finger around my clit. "Yes." I moan out quietly, keeping eye contact with him.

His eyes drift towards my pussy, watching me touch myself for a moment before meeting my gaze again.

"I care about you." He admits.

My finger drops lower to my hole before teasing it. "I care about you too, Negan."

He climbs on the bed on top of me, grabbing each of my wrists and bringing them above my head.

"I'm serious, y/n. I'm tired of sneaking around." His eyes search mine.

"So what does this mean? For us?”

"I don't want to hide what we have anymore."

"Negan - if they find out.."

"Then what? They cut off our heads as punishment?" He says sarcastically. "They'll get over it... Do you want this? To be together?"

"Yes." I breathe out.

That's all he needs to hear before crashing his lips into mine and kissing me passionately. My hands rub over his smooth back as our tongues explore each other's mouths.

“Told you you’d my girl eventually, baby.”

I'm so caught up in kissing him that I barely notice him positioning himself at my opening, until he rams into me in one swift motion.

I moan out as he stretches me open and thrusts into me fast and deep.

“I know how we can show them who you belong to.” He whispers lowly.

“H-how?”

“I could pump you full of my cum every fucking day until my baby grows inside of you.”

My eyes widen. “Negan…”

He smirks. “It’s okay, baby. We don’t have to rush it. You’ll want my baby.. eventually.”

“No.” I quickly blurt. “I want it. I want you to put a baby in me.”

“Yeah?” He smirks down at me as he fucks me faster.

He leans back on his knees for a moment before wrapping his arms around my thighs and bringing them up, spreading them as far as they’ll go before leaning back over me and fucking me harder than before.

He’s so much deeper from this angle and I moan out loudly as his heavy balls slap against me.

“Negan! I’m cumming!” I cry out and he growls, pounding me faster and deeper.

“That’s right, baby. Let go. Soak my fucking cock.”

And I do just that.

His hand reaches down between us to swipe up some of my juices with his finger before sucking them into his mouth. “Cant get enough of this sweet fucking cunt. Could drink you like water, baby.”

I kiss him, tasting myself on him and we moan together. “I could cum just from the taste of you.” He whispers in my mouth.

“So cum.” I whimper and his head falls lazily to the side of mine as he buries his face in my neck.

He groans in my ear as he stops thrusting, pushing himself deeper than I thought possible. My legs wrap around his waist and dig into him as I moan from the feeling of his cock pulsing and seed filling me to the brim.

His lips find mine again as he starts pumping himself in me slowly, deliberately pushing his load deeper and deeper.

“Cant wait to see this belly swollen with my fucking kid, baby. He says before finally pulling out.

I smile lovingly at him as he gets dressed. “Negan, it’s starting to get dark. They’ll wonder where you are soon.”

My heart hurts at the thought of him leaving and sleeping in that stupid fucking cell any longer. But now isn’t the right time. We need a plan.

“I know.” He drops his head while climbing off me and the bed and dressing himself.

“Fucking sucks. I wanna stay with you.”

“You will soon. We’ll find a time to tell everyone, but not tonight.”

Negan just nods understandingly. “I’ve waited this long. A few more lonely nights won’t hurt. At least I have these to keep me company.” He shoves my panties deeper in his pocket while raising his eyebrows at me.

“I’ll come see you tomorrow, okay? Come on, I’ll walk you out.” I lace my fingers between his as we walk the short distance to the living room and back door.

He picks up the strange man’s jacket from the floor on his way out, flinging it over his shoulder irritably.

“Don’t worry, doll. I’ll dispose of this for you.” He reaches for the door before turning around and placing a gentle kiss to my lips.

“Oh, and if another man offers you another goddamn article of clothing, I’ll hang him with it.”

The end. Xx

[ladykakata]

I just saw your post about ian’s disorder and how it distorts his reality and makes him question why mickey remains in his life and you really hit the nail on the head. people rarely talk about gallavich’s relationship battles from ian’s perspective unless it’s to criticise him and I think a lot of people find it difficult to relate to his issues ig? but mood disorders go hand in hand with anxiety, identity and confidence issues. but I also think its a writing issue because so little of ian’s experiences with his illness comes from his own perspective. so it makes sense the audience tends to sympathise more with mickey because we don’t get to see ian’s personal struggle or his reasoning for certain behaviors and s10 is one of the rare examples where he got to explain his issues and the audience still couldn’t understand. sorry this is ranty lol but I’m just happy to see more meta that defends some of ian’s actions 😊

Thank you <3 It makes me sad to see so many comments practically demonise Ian, and while Ian DOES do questionable things, he's no more or less blameless than Mickey.

A comment on my post mentioned that Ian fought for Mickey just as much as Mickey fought for Ian ... in the early seasons. Remember, Mickey literally beat Ian up in frustration over the situation with Svetlana and the forced marriage. Does him attacking Ian get him off the hook for what he did? No. Does it justify it? No. It's context, not justification, which can be two entirely different things. Ian refused to let Mickey go, he loved Mickey and was visibly heartbroken at the idea his man was slipping away, even if Mickey was trying to cover up his own upset by acting aggressively. Stans might paint Ian as in the wrong again, saying he should have been supportive of Mickey going through the forced marriage and understanding it's not as 'easy' as Ian makes it sound for Mickey to just deny his father. But bearing in mind, their relationship was still very young, Ian knows Terry is a disgusting and violent man, but the sense of doom and horror is not the same unless you've grown up with it and lived it like Mickey.

Ian fought for Mickey. And Mickey fought for Ian during his bipolar struggles. Keeping score is NOT wise in relationships, so I wouldn't call this keeping score, more them trading places in who is asking the other to stay or saying they love the other during dark times.

Another point is that this was all before Ian's bipolar condition really started to manifest, so Mickey must have been even more confused that the man who was distraught over him entering a meaningless marriage was suddenly pulling away and questioning his devotion. Emotional permanence is difficult in a lot of conditions, again I am not bipolar myself but DO have pretty erratic emotional issues that mean I can go from feeling adored to feeling like the scum of the Earth everyone hates, and there's the persistent background hum of feeling unwanted that's lifelong. Ian gets a triple-hit in that he's a middle child (younger than Fiona and Lip, older than Carl, Debbie and Liam), he's inherited Monica's bipolar disorder and his chronically unstable home life tends to lead to the idea of feeling wanted by his parents and forgotten by most. I wouldn't be surprised if he felt like his mother just rejected him/abandoned him considering how often she is gone, Frank has literally attacked him unprovoked and it was only when he grew in height and gained some confidence he really started to push back, and he is neither the baby of the family nor the parent figures that Fiona and Lip were forced to be. The people he tends to form relationships with tended to lean towards lust with no real chance at a stable, happy relationship (Kash, a married man with children, and Ned, who is the same albeit Jimmy is an adult) before Caleb and Trevor, which wouldn't surprise me if he again subconsciously thought he was disposable.

I guess I'm picking up on the side effects of Ian's neurodivergence, and it pairs with a comment remarking on how people are supportive of mental health disorders until their effects affect them, then suddenly everything is unacceptable. Again, some of Ian's actions are not justified - I'm once again referring to him baiting Mickey into a physical fight by calling him slurs - but he himself explains why he did it. Mickey looked past it, and I do wonder if he's realising that yeah ... Ian, the man HE knew and who was proudly gay with very little tolerance for homophobia, suddenly turning around and calling him slurs was incredibly out of character and likely another moment of Ian's brain lashing out.

Ian did negative things to Mickey, and he should apologise. Just as Mickey has done things to Ian and should apologise. One is not better than the other. Mickey's reasons for doing things can lie with his upbringing, PTSD and circumstances, Ian's reasons can lie with bipolar disorder, his upbringing and circumstances. But they are still well-intentioned for each other, and I think they do help bring out the best in each other.

[championashley]

Alright. I said I would write this and I’m gonna stay true to my word.

I’ve been seeing a lot of takes since The Giggle has come out questioning the potency of 14’s ending. People have been citing multiple different times during the reboot era where the Doctor has “settled down” somewhere, from Darillium, the university in S10, to even Trenzalore. However, I think all of these comparisons are apples to oranges, completely missing the details of each instance and how The Giggle’s ending rebukes all of them. 

So, because I cannot leave an inaccurate take alone, I’m going through every single one of these instances and explain why 14’s ending is different from them, in chronological order.

I’m gonna start with a weird one: S7EP4, The Power of Three. Because it provides a good example of all the things we’re going to be talking about. 

Prior to this episode, long time fans already had a good idea that the Doctor…does not do well in monotonous environments, a truth that is consistent across multiple incarnations.

“I don’t do families.”

“Street corner, two in the morning, getting a taxi home. I’ve never had a life like that.”

“Here you are, Living a life, day after day. The one adventure I could never have.”

“Christmas dinner.” “I don’t do that sort of thing.”

“Oh god I had a terrible nightmare about you two!” [Talking about Amy and Rory having a normal life in Leadworth]

The entirety of The Lodger

“There’s a bigger, scarier adventure waiting for you in there.”

The Power of Three, spells this truth out in bold, montage style marker pen. The Doctor “needs to be busy”. Why, as Amy later asks?

Personally I think this answer varies slightly between regenerations, based on experiences and losses each face goes through. 9 couldn’t imagine a life of peace coming out of a war, a war that he had a major hand in. 10 continues that idea, with the added baggage of losing Rose. 11’s reasoning is a bit subtler: he says to Amy that he is running to things before they go, as if he now understands how short beautiful things last. He’s going from one thing to the next in avoidance of staying to watch things die. 

“And what’s the alternative? Me standing over your grave?”

This doesn’t change by the end of the episode. The Doctor explicitly tells the Ponds that he’s only staying to watch the cubes, and once the threat is gone, he’s already out the door. He only stops because of a potential threat, an idea we will return to in the next example. He even accepts the idea of Amy and Rory wanting to stay behind: “things to do. Worlds to save. Swings to swing on. Look, I know. You both have lives here. beautiful, messy lives. That is what makes you so fabulously human. You don’t want to give them up. I understand.” The Doctor is saying, ‘I know you have lives here, and that I can’t always be a part of that. And that’s ok.’ 

This episode in my opinion is a perfect microcosm of The Doctor regarding this topic, spelling out explicitly why The Doctor can't ever settle down. The Doctor needs to have something to run to because they don't feel secure enough in any place to not allow their altruism outweigh their need to process their trauma. The only thing that could motivate the Doctor to stop, even just for a second, is the promise that their friend(s) will be there too. The next example is the worst-case scenario of this issue.

Trenzalore is an interesting case. When I first heard of it being counted, I immediately shut it down, because Trenzalore was a literal war zone (wars are obviously not a good place for mental health time). But in doing research, there is actually way more baggage contained in this period making it unsuitable for this argument than just that fact. 

Trenzalore was set up to be the Doctor’s final resting place, where they would truly die. It wasn’t the first time a death prophecy had surrounded the Time Lord, and once again, just as with The End of Time, the thing that kills them is, what Davros would later call The Doctor's “greatest indulgence”: compassion. Tasha Leem warns 11 that she will burn the planet upon the possibility of the Time Lords returning, a warning the Doctor takes extremely seriously.

“This planet is protected.”

“Christmas has a new sheriff.”

For 300 years, 11 stayed true to his word. He fought long and hard, for the townspeople and his own. He was celebrated and was loved. But Clara returning with the TARDIS revealed how he really felt about all of it. 

“Everyone gets stuck somewhere eventually.”

“But you didn’t have your TARDIS.” “Well, that made it easier to stay.” 

There’s an unspoken sentiment in these words, echoing 11's philosophy in Power of Three: the Doctor will always want to leave, in this case, to understandably avoid his prophesied death. But he doesn’t, because “Every life I save is a victory”. Their compulsion to help, their innate capacity to help those in need. So often it’s been their greatest strength, but here it’s framed as destructive selflessness. 11 has become so wholly committed to helping others before himself that he’s willing to accept his own death. 

Clara correctly calls this out: “What about your life? Just for once, After all this time, have you not earned the right to think about that?” The Doctor didn’t stay on Trenzalore for himself, he stayed for everyone besides himself. It’s only because Clara gave the Time Lords a proper verbal smackdown that the Doctor managed to survive. Had they not intervened, The Doctor would've suffered and died, once again to protect them, despite already saving them from annihilation in the previous episode, Day of The Doctor. Trenzalore wasn't The Doctor stopping, it was a century-long effort to keep satiating the bottomless survivor's guilt they still carried from The Time War.

Darillium is yet another case of looking like a time the Doctor settled down somewhere on the surface. But the details don’t match that conclusion. The entire thesis of 12 and River’s final conversation was about the fleeting nature of their situation. 

“Times end, River, because they have to. Because there’s no such thing as happily ever after. It’s just a lie we tell ourselves because the truth is so hard.”

The Doctor says this, cries at hearing the Singing Towers, despite already knowing they have 24 years in a night. Because he knows it can’t last. There’s already a deadline on their moment of peace before it’s begun. Eventually River must go to The Library. 

The final quote of the episode punctuates this: “And they lived happily ever after.” Fading away until “happily” remains. Because they didn’t have their “ever after” and they didn’t “live”, because a person can’t entirely experience life to the fullest with a clock hanging over their head. 

While they got their moment of happiness, it was only a moment. 24 years is just a blink of an eye for a Time Lord, and sure enough, we see by the end of “The Return of Doctor Mysterio”, the next chronological episode, 12 is ready to leap back into the fray. Still the same overall Doctor he was before.

The University is an extension of this. We find out that the only reason he has stayed is to guard Missy in the vault. When 12 tries to mindwipe Bill (an eerie parallel to both Donna and Clara), he directly says: “I have no choice, I’m in disguise. I have promises to keep.” Just like with Trenzalore, The Doctor’s altruism has trapped him somewhere he doesn’t actually want to be. The second he hesitates, he immediately runs after Bill, inviting her into the TARDIS and sneaks off to the universe behind Nardole’s back.

So, now that we’ve gone through each past instance, what’s the connection? What’s the key issue(s) that prevented the Doctor from permanently stopping in any of these cases?

The (fear of) loss of their friends, and the Doctor’s own self-loathing. Either out of fear of the march of time, or the chains that their altruistic nature binds them to, The Doctor always runs away from the picket fence life.

Now, let’s look at 14 and how this ending departs from all other examples.

Wild Blue Yonder and The Giggle more prominently explains 14’s origins as a coping mechanism. The reason why 10’s face came back was to retreat to an incarnation that didn’t invoke the loss of The Ponds, Clara, and Bill. The second destruction of Gallifrey and the reveal of The Timeless Child. The Doctor’s avoidance of their trauma has now been made physical, just like how mental stress can often manifest as physical changes or ailments. 

“We stand here now, on the edge of creation, a creation that I devastated, so yes I keep running, of course I keep running!! How am I supposed to look back on that?!”

Already this is a departure from the instances we’ve discussed, because by the very nature of having 10’s face again, it’s forcing the Doctor to ask why. 

“It’s like I'm trying to tell myself something. Like I’m trying to make a point.”

But 14 chooses not to answer it, because answering it means accepting the truth: it’s too much. The trauma can’t be avoided anymore, because The Doctor would always be reminded of what they’re trying to avoid by looking in a reflection. 14 telling Shirley, “I don’t know who I am anymore.” Then asking Donna, “what am I? What am I now?” It’s not because he’s been given a blank slate and doesn’t know what to do with it, like other regeneration stories. In trying to run away again, to bury the trauma and pain, The Doctor has made it more visible than ever, and doesn’t know what to do with that. 

Ironically, the Toymaker causing the bi-generation was the greatest gift he could’ve given the Doctor, because 15 was exactly who 14 needed to see. He’s happy, energetic, full of life and wonder, but also empathetic, understanding and open. He’s the only other person in the entire universe who The Doctor will listen to (well, one person, we’ll get to the other later), because he knows all of the trauma they went through, and yet, made it through ok.

“But you’re fine.”

“I’m fine, because you fix yourself.”

15 is leading by example, their own ‘ghost of Christmas future’ but positive. 14 now has an ideal self to strive towards, a face born from love and empathy. 14 doesn’t have to ground herself out of moral obligation, 15 will now protect the universe. 

But that leaves one question: why Donna? Out of all of the people to settle down with, why her? That’s easy: because she gets it. 

Donna, out of all of the companions the Doctor traveled with, understood the soul behind the legend, because she recognized someone fundamentally similar to herself. One of Donna’s signature character flaws is her horrendously low self esteem: “I’m nothing special.” no one ever listened to her (thanks Sylvia, for at least cleaning up your act later), so she covered up the silence with noise. She held onto whatever indisputable moments of genius she had to drown out the cacophony of voices shutting her up. Wild Blue Yonder explained this perfectly: Donna believes she is both brilliant and stupid at the same time. 

She lives in two contradictory self images at once, and so does The Doctor. The genius and the idiot. The universe’s most fascinating person, and the person who would easily throw away their life for the betterment of others. She’s seen their blinding arrogance/rage (the Racnoss, Jenny) and their crippling self doubt/loneliness, and always met both with empathy and kindness. 

“Doctor! You can stop now!”

“Cause sometimes I think you need someone to stop you.” 

“It won’t stay like that. She’ll help you. We both will.” 

“Is ‘alright’ special Time Lord code for ‘really not alright’ at all?” “Why?” “Cause I’m alright too.”

Donna shouldered the burden of destroying Pompeii, she silently hugged 10 after coming back from Midnight. All because she knew what all of that would feel like in her own life. She didn’t need to know the history of The Doctor and Davros, because she saw her best friend afraid and knew he would want comfort, because she would too.

Even if Dalek Caan manipulated the timelines to get Donna to him, That friendship was completely real to both of them. We saw what Donna was like without the Doctor in Forest of the Dead and Turn Left, and she always felt some level of unhappiness. 15 years removed from them and she still felt as if something was missing. In every future/reality, she always wanted them there. Same for the Doctor too. Within only a few episodes of losing her, 10 started to fall into becoming the “time lord victorious”. 12 looks the way he does because of Donna’s plea to adhere to his name, and save people. Even before 14 came into existence, the Doctor was willing to tell other people how important she was to them, on account of River recognizing Donna by her name: “you’re Donna, Donna Noble.”

Donna didn’t just travel with the Doctor and she wasn’t just friends with them. She completely understood them, their soulmate. Two halves of a greater whole, The DoctorDonna. 14 stayed because there was a more stable incarnation to take his place, and because his best friend would be there alongside him, helping and supporting him through and through. The Doctor stayed because, for the first time in their life, they felt safe. In where they would be staying, and what they would be leaving behind. 

That's why 15 doubling the TARDIS was so significant. In giving 14 her own TARDIS, 15 is allowing his younger self to have what they always removed from the equation: free will. The Doctor can still go anywhere they want, which makes them even more motivated to stay and fix themself. 14 can feel safe staying with Donna, Wilf, Mel, Rose, Shaun, and Sylvia because the option to travel is still there.

And the truly amazing part of all of this is that the TARDIS knew it from the beginning. Was it a coincidence that very soon after 13 regenerated into 14, the TARDIS landed close to where Donna and Rose would be shopping? 

“You didn’t always take me where I wanted to go.” “No, but I always took you where you needed to go.”

The TARDIS brought the Doctor home, and this time, they stayed. Because it was a place where they wanted and needed to be. 

[charmac]

Today I spent about an hour around/with Rob and I'm gonna write about it.

He recognised me from last night, came up and talked to us where I really lost all ability to calm or filter myself (which was, admittedly, already very little). He told me he's been seeing a lot of my Tweets and I asked why he followed me. He said he thought I had "a lot of fun and interesting things to say." I did not expect that, literally at all, I was trying to see if he knew my handle, @/pqdres, was for San Diego's baseball team, so I derailed myself from that conversation a bit lol oops.

The night before this he signed my S10 DVD cover on the plastic protector I had, so he offered to sign it properly when he noticed I had it with me again tonight:

I know I just kind of bulldoze over his words, (He said “Thank you for all the Twitter love”) but it’s because I had a script in my head and.. I'm sure a lot of you guys get it, lol. He didn't seem bothered, which I really appreciate.

He took individual photos with everyone who wanted one (like half the people in the bar (which wasn't even that many) had no interest in him) and when we were taking mine he asked for someone to shine an overhead light so we could get a good picture together bc I offhandedly said I needed to turn off my front flash.

I met him again, a little later at another bar (like Charlie and Glenn in October, he just kinda was walking around and hitting up various bars Four Walls was advertising at) and I apologised for my constant presence around him. The reason I stuck around was because I had one last request for the night, something I very much owed to @macdennissurvivor. I told him Emma was the person who got me into the Sunny fandom, and I would appreciate if he could say hi to her on camera. I started recording and then he said 'Nope give me your phone' and then went on a walk and recorded a 20 second video for her on my phone. I think that moment was a fundamental tilt for me.

I know I criticize this man a bit, but god-fucking-damn-it if he isn't the creator of my favourite show in the whole world, one of my favourite characters of all time, half of my URL, the reason I am writing and creating as much as I currently do, the reason I have made actual, real, deep friendships in the past few years, and he took so much time and patience with me, he recorded a whole video for my friend because he does fucking care. He sees us, this part of the fandom, and he appreciates it: that we’re a community and truly connect through his show. Words really can't express my emotions. Thank you Rob, for this.

[eddiediazismyhusband]

This is what gets me when people write in depth analysis about how dumb they would be to not go there with queer Eddie and with Buddie. Like yes, I agree it would be incredibly stupid and bad writing - unfortunately as much as I want that to reassure me(and I’ll admit some days when I’m sad and need to not be I pretend to let it), it doesn’t. Just because it would be stupid and bad writing doesn’t mean they won’t do it. We’ve seen this show repeatedly make bad writing choices before. I’ve watched TV shows time and time again screw things up in the eleventh hour, I’ve seen so many shows set things up and then take a hard left turn into the dumbest plots in existence. And they get backlash for it but still do it. So as much as I want to believe that because logic and basic literary analysis says Eddie is queer and Buck and Eddie are each others’ best match - that isn’t a guarantee of anything. I’m also preparing myself that if we actually do get a queer Eddie storyline and buddie canon - there is a high possibility that they stumble through it in a ridiculous and poorly written way. I want more than anything for that not to be true but it is still a very distinct possibility.

this is exactly my feelings- like one of my biggest pet peeves are people making posts as if buddie is 10000% happening and there is absolutely zero possibility of it not going that way which i’m sorry to be a debbie downer once again but that’s just not true

what kills me is everyone in the fandom keeps talking about “it’d be so ooc for _______”, seemingly forgetting the fact that s7 was ooc for so many of the main characters to the point that we were all ragging on the writers about it… like if they were able to write a season so sloppy and terribly ooc what makes you think they won’t continue to do so, especially after tim just said “i don’t like to plan out seasons”

ooc writing happens in tv shows all the time. just because something wouldn’t make sense for a character/plotline doesn’t mean they won’t just do it anyway. like I’ve said before, tim has shown us that he only cares about shock value and drama- telling us himself in a interview that “i can’t just let them be happy, then no one would watch” (which is such total bullshit but this is the man who decided to make eddie have an emotional affair with a doppelgänger of his dead wife rather than just, yk, confirm his queerness)

i get it. it’s disappointing. you don’t want your favorite shows/characters to tank and go off the rails. but unfortunately, it has happened time and time and time again in network tv, and 9-1-1 is not immune to this.

i fully agree with the posts and analyses that detail how the show has set up buddie being the only satisfactory endgame relationship between them, and how it would be foolish and bad writing for them not to, but unfortunately (as you said in your ask) this show has made god awful writing choices frequently (literally the entirety of s7 is proof of that) and they have jumped through hoops to avoid buddie canon countless times— there is nothing stopping them from doing it again.

and this idea that just because they’re talking about buddie openly must mean they’re going canon is ridiculous. the short is reaching the end if it’s run; if it even gets renewed past s8, it’s very unlikely that they’ll go past s10 at the longest. they just moved to a new network, baited the fuck out of buddie pre-s7 and then didn’t give us anything and people are still watching. they know that as long as people think there’s a possibility of buddie canon that they’ll watch the show— it’s textbook queer/shipbaiting. 9-1-1 is not immune to this just because they’ve said “we don’t want to be accused of queerbaiting” in the past. we’ve reached a point where the network queerbaiting won’t cause enough backlash to warrant them being cautious anymore. it’s a dick move, yeah, but these creators are in this job for one thing: money. they have proven they don’t actually give a fuck about meaningful storytelling. it’s why they rely on cheap drama and shock value to get by bc they know people will tune in anyway.

i completely understand wanting to be hopeful and optimistic. i will forever be hopeful for the day that buddie finally go canon (although i hope they ditch the mustache before then because i don’t want to think of my alcoholic uncle when i see eddie kiss buck for the first time) and when it does i will be so fucking happy after waiting for 6 years.

but that’s the thing. i have waited for 6 years. i’m tired of getting my hopes up each season bc “guys this is literally the closest we’ve ever been there is no way they aren’t going to go there now” just to get slapped in the face by the showrunners and writers. i’m not going to get my hopes up about it just to be let the fuck down once again. and frankly, i don’t wanna see the fallout when we are let down again because people decided to convince themselves that it was 100% for sure set in stone happening when in reality it’s really not.

[mairitess]

ebbs and flows pt. 2 // jaya

a/n: i wrote this bc i got back into ninjago and i needed to write something for them bc i'm not caught up enough to be able to read the current fics + also on ao3 in caps

words: 1.5k, part one here

tags: angst, fluff, post-skybound, post s10 ninjago: masters of spinjitzu, jaya, no beta we die like kings, they r so traumatized after nadakhan, minor violence mentions from skybound, kiss kiss rated t just in case

preview:

she might’ve missed it, if she weren’t so keyed up already. “you’re my yang, nya.”

the ninjas returned to the temple absolutely beaten. they’d defeated the latest ninjago city menace, but it took more effort than usual. their entire way home, jay was tapping his foot incessantly.

“can you stop that?” cole said, irritated. “you sound like a walking time bomb.”

jay started to apologize. “i’m sorry! i can’t help it. i’m…”

“nervous? anxious? stressed?” the suggestions came in a popcorn chorus from zane, pixal, and kai.

jay put his head in his hands. “yes,” he sighed, defeated.

cole put his hand on his best friend’s shoulder. “what happened…?” to you and nya?

“i have no idea.”

everyone was quiet until they got to the temple. they knew jay was doing his best, and they knew how stubborn and guarded nya could be, too — much like her brother. when they landed, jay filed out last, worry troubling his stomach.

“you got it, jay,” lloyd said, clapping jay on the shoulder. “it’ll be okay.” he turned from jay to look at cole, also unsure. they’d known nya had been different recently, as much as she tried to hide it. but they didn’t know what they could do, especially if jay wasn’t able to fix it.

with heavy heart and steps, jay made his way to nya’s room in the early morning hours. misako and wu were standing just outside her door, making jay even more nervous. he rushed over.

“what happened? is she okay? where is she?” he couldn’t keep his voice down, his lightning energy rushing into his veins again.

“she’s fine,” misako said, placing her hands on his shoulders. “she’s okay. but…” she trailed off, as nya’s door started to open.

it was the first time she’d really looked at him in weeks, and jay’s heart dropped as he saw her bloodshot eyes and dark circles. as much as he was exhausted from their fight in the city, she had been draining for far longer.

“hi, jay.”

—

he followed her into her room, gently closing the door behind them. when she sat on the edge of her bed, he sat a foot away, careful to keep some distance. he didn’t want to make things worse.

“i missed you,” he said, unable to keep it in. “i miss you. i love you. i…” jay suddenly felt too loud, too brash, and worried he’d scare her away again.

“i love you too,” nya replied, tears brimming again. “and i think i’m ready to tell you what happened — or, what’s been happening, and i’ve been so worried to tell you before because i’m scared you’ll hate me and want to leave me but i love you and if that’s how i make you feel then i just want you to be happy and safe and secure and i’m scared when i tell you this you’ll —“ nya cut herself off, too scared to speak into reality one of her biggest fears. “you make me feel more special and confident and myself than anyone i’ve ever known,” she whispered. “and i’m scared you’ll throw me away when i tell you.”

sometimes, even when jay wasn’t talking, nya could still hear the lightning coursing through him. this time, she couldn’t. she was scared to break the silence. she needed to know if he even wanted to hear what she had to say.

and she might’ve missed it, if she weren’t so keyed up already. the quietest he’s ever been, the most hesitant yet gentle and kind.

“you’re my yang, nya. nothing you could say could ever change that.”

jay knew nya well enough to know she was struggling with not feeling like she was doing their relationship “right”. a perfectionist through and through, as soon as things started to dissolve, so did she. but jay needed her the way the moon needs the tides, the skies reaching for the waters beneath. she knew ebbs and flows, but so did he, because he yearned for her throughout.

nya told him of her nightmares, and how she thought she was dying that day. she drew in a deep breath, before she told him that his hold felt the same way. she thought she was angry he wasn’t upset like she was. she wasn’t angry anymore.

he was quiet, processing, until he asked, “do you really think i’m not upset like you?” nya stilled.

“all our friends died. i had just seen you in a wedding dress, and you were about to marry someone else, even if not by choice. and then you started to die in my arms, by a tactical choice i made. it would’ve been all my fault, if you…” he paused. “you’re the love of my life, nya. and i held you as i cried because i don’t know what life there is without you.

“i made my last wish holding you. and everything was good again when we went back and you took my hand. i know that right now my touch feels like… death, but i need you to know that to me, touching you gave us a new chance at life.”

nya was stunned; all she could do was sit there, his words ringing over and over again in her head.

“i love you, nya. i just… need some time to think about it, too. okay?” jay said, standing up. he smiled, but it was small and somber. nya couldn’t help feeling like she’d hurt him, that she’d thought so little of his actions. she nodded, and it wasn’t until her door closed again that she was able to mumble, “i love you.”

—

nya didn’t leave her room all day. she was feeling better, but she didn’t want to step out. kai brought her dinner and they sat side by side as she ate.

“how’s jay?” she asked, and kai shrugged. “he’s been in his room ever since we got back. so i don’t know. but it was a pretty bad fight, so maybe he’s just resting. though normally he’d rest by playing some video games,” kai joked, nudging nya lightly with his shoulder. she quieted again, looking down at her food.

“i think i messed up,” nya said, swirling her spoon in her congee.

“i don’t think you could with jay, sis. he loves you.”

“i know. but that doesn’t mean… that doesn’t mean things will always be okay.”

“sure. but it also doesn’t mean you two can’t be okay, either.” kai paused. “uh, let me say that again. you guys will get through it. that’s what love is. love is about getting through things together, not keeping things perfect all the time.”

nya smiled, genuinely, for the first time in awhile. “when did you get to be wu number two?”

kai laughed. “probably when i realized how much you and jay love each other.”

nya understood it was time to stop fighting the flow. it took the master of water long enough.

—

it was just after 10, and nya needed to see jay. but as soon as she opened her door, there he was, hand poised to knock. he jumped back. “gosh, nya! you’re quiet.”

they stood in her doorway, just looking at each other, not quite sure what to do next. they started speaking over each other in a flurry.

“nya—“

“jay, i—“

nya laughed, and jay could feel everything start to lighten. “come in.”

they lay down on nya’s bed next to each other, closer than they’d been in weeks past.

“i’m sorry, jay,” nya mumbled, drawing circles with her finger into her pillowcase.

“no, i’m sorry, nya. i shouldn’t have left the way i did earlier.”

“it’s okay.” jay raised an eyebrow and nya nodded. “i promise. i’ve… been thinking about it longer than you have. it’s only fair.”

he smiled, and nya kept looking between the freckles across his face and his brilliant blue eyes. how could she have ever been so afraid of what he would say?

“so…” she started. “what now?”

“i don’t want to rush you into anything,” jay said. “i love holding you, and you know how much that means to me, but we don’t have to touch or anything until you’re ready. but i do think it could help,” he offered.

nya shook her head as he talked. “you could never rush me. and i want to fix things. so maybe… we start here?”

she gently grabbed his hand, and placed it on the side of her face, holding him there. nya nudged closer to jay until they were a breath apart. she tilted her head up and gazed at him, waiting.

“i missed you,” nya said, and jay met her halfway, their lips melding into each other where they belonged. softly, first, then as nya grew more incessant, jay matched her, and it was like breathing and drowning in confessions of love all at once.

jay was careful not to move his hand from her cheek, but as they kissed, she moved his hand down to her back, and he pulled her ever closer. nya broke their kiss first to breathe.

“i missed you too,” jay said, one arm behind her back, the other under her neck, cradling the back of her head. they laid there for hours, and just as nya was starting to doze off, jay asked, “nya… what do want me to do if you have another nightmare again?”

she thought about it before, but wasn’t sure what would work until they tried. “just don’t let go,” she mumbled into his chest, and he held her tighter.

[daryl-dixon-daydreams]

Words: 4,162 Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader Reader pronouns: she/her Era: S10/S11, The Reapers Warnings: language, mentions of injury A/N: This is part of a series! You can find the rest on my Master List, the pinned post on my blog.

Summary: Injured and scattered, the group tries to find each other.

Your name: submit What is this?

Daryl,

Our son is two years old today. You wouldn’t believe how much he’s changed in only the last few months. It used to be that you could only make out baby babble with a few words here and there, and now he’s stringing together full sentences, expressing his own original thoughts. He looks less like a toddler every day and more and more like a little kid, soon to be asking questions about the world that will be harder and harder for me to answer. He reminds me of you in so many ways and I hold onto this part of you extra tight. When I think of how much you’ve missed of his little life, of all the milestones we’ve already passed, every part of me aches, and to know he’s missed out on having you too... that hurts even worse. I know you would be the most amazing dad. You love as fiercely as anyone could.

When I think of you at all, it nearly stops me to a grinding halt, could bring me to my knees, the pain is still that sharp. If we never find each other again, I think I’ll walk around forever with this poignant sense of something profound missing. It’s hard to write this, but if it wasn’t for DJ, I may have given up by now… But if I know anything, it’s that you’re out there somewhere, still alive, still surviving, still protecting the people you love. I know that beyond any doubt, because that’s who you are. I just hope that in our continued wandering that we find some sign of you. I don’t know what it would be—but Jen keeps telling me not to give up hope, to trust that my intuition is right.

I’m not having that dream anymore—the one I wrote about before where you’re calling for me from the other side of the glass—but lately I’ve been having a new one. I find you again, out in the woods, wandering, and then the next moment you’ve vanished. It’s almost worse than the last dream, because I think I have you and then a moment later I lose you all over again. It feels so unbelievably real. I wake up completely gutted with my cheeks wet. I have to reach for DJ every time.

God, I miss you.

It’s hitting me hard today, on DJ’s birthday. I hope you’re safe wherever you are…

With love, Y/N Daryl was mentally running through the parts of your book he’d already read, and wishing he’d made the time to read more, but he was also thanking himself for not bringing it along. He was certain The Reapers had gone through his pack. He didn’t know what would have happened if Leah had found it… She’d know he’d found you again and then all of this—his pretended disconnection from “those people on the road” and the implied feelings he was manufacturing for her—it wouldn’t have been available for him to try to keep his family and Alexandria safe.

His hand strayed to the left breast of his vest and he could feel the stiffness of the picture in the lining. It was comforting. He hadn’t slept. He was too afraid to. His mind was too busy. He laid on his back on a cot, far off in a corner, and waited.

It had to be near first light when he heard bootsteps coming up the hallway outside. He turned his ear toward the sound, listening intently for anything else that could signal what was happening.

Carver showed up in the doorway. “Get up, dickhead,” he spat. “We’re moving on that info.”

_ _ _ _ _ _

A hand on your shoulder shook you awake and you startled at the sudden jolt.

“Easy.” Negan’s voice. His hazel eyes were looking right into yours beneath his raised eyebrows. The point of your blade was at his throat.

You let out the breath you’d been holding and lowered it.

Negan was in front of you, palms out. He relaxed as your knife left his neck. “I’m a little worried that reflex isn’t going to stop short one of these times,” he said.

You shifted so you could better sit up against the back of the dingy armchair. “Then stop surprising me,” you said. You winced as you moved and couldn’t help drawing in a sharp hiss of breath between your teeth. Your side, the knife wound from The Reapers, felt like it was on fire. “Fuck…” you murmured, shifting to attempt to relieve the worst of the pain to little success.

Negan’s brow furrowed. “How ya feelin’?” You thought you could hear genuine concern in his voice.

You shook your head. “Not at my best, but I’ve had worse,” you said.

He went on frowning at you. He swept a hand back over his short hair. “I don’t doubt it but, uhh, no offense… you look like shit. I don’t think the whole pale, graying skin thing suits you at all. I woke you up because I was starting to get a little paranoid that you might not wake up.”

You rolled your eyes. “Stop being so dramatic,” you scolded him.

Negan gave you a small tight smile despite the situation. “Can’t. Drama. Theater… It’s kind of my thing,” he retorted. He watched as you pulled your shirt up to look at the wound on your side. The surrounding area and the wound itself were an angry shade of red.

Negan saw it. “Well, fuck. That doesn’t look good.”

You closed your eyes for a moment and leaned back against the chair. You’d flushed the stab wound out as best you could and applied ointment but it didn’t seem to have been enough. “No shit,” you said. “Any other earth-shattering observations you want to hit me with?”

Negan let out a dry laugh and straightened up, grabbing his crowbar from where it was leaning against a dusty couch and swinging it absently. “You know, I am actually trying to help you here. You see anybody else around?”

You sighed. “Right. Right… Sorry. Just—this whole situation is—”

“Complete and utter-fucked, five ways ‘til Friday bullshit?” Negan finished for you.

You gave him a long look but eventually nodded. “Yeah.” You pulled your shirt up again and looked at the neatly stitched wound. Negan had helped you with that the night before, and you had to hand it to him that he’d done a good job. “It’s a local infection or the start of one,” you said softly. You paused to think. You had limited medical supplies left and had used the last of the antibacterial ointment the night before patching up your side and Negan’s leg.

“Alright, so, can we kick its ass before it becomes un-local? From what I hear, that’s something to avoid, what with the lack of hospitals and meds these days.”

You chewed anxiously on your bottom lip. The burning and pulse you could feel in your whole side made it hard to think. “Hopefully…”

He stared at you for a long moment, his expression darkening like a cloud passing across the face of the moon. “You have a fever?” he asked, and you heard some apprehension in his voice.

You shook your head. “I don’t think so.” You mopped at the cold sweat on your brow even as you answered, but you were pretty sure that was just from the pain.

Negan cleared his throat and stepped closer hesitantly. “Can I check without you slitting my throat?” he asked. “I’ve actually already had that done, courtesy of Rick, and it isn’t something I’d like to repeat.”

“Fine.”

He bent his tall frame and put the back of his hand on your forehead. He shook his head and let out a hugely relieved sigh. “No. No, I think you’re good.” You gave him a questioning look. “I had the thought that maybe they’d coated their blades… so that anyone that didn’t die right away would go full-blown undead asshole.”

You fixed a steely stare on him. “Oh, you mean like you did. To the Hilltop.”

Negan gulped and his face fell. His eyes turned down to the floor. “Maggie told you about that, huh?” he said softly.

“Mhm…”

“Yeah. That was pretty fucked up.” He was still avoiding your eyes. “But it was effective...”

“Negan—” you started angrily.

“Hey, I’m just stating a fact! And to be fair, it was a fucking war! I was looking after my own the same way—” he broke off abruptly at the look on your face.

You shook your head. “No. Not the same way I do. Not the same way they were. Not even close.”

“So, you’re telling me that you’ve never done anything royally fucked up to keep yourself or people you care about alive? Hmm? Doll,” he said, swinging his crowbar up onto his shoulder, a smirk on his face, “I ain’t buyin’ it.”

You scowled at him. “Don’t call me ‘doll.’ In fact, let’s just table any more nicknames you’ve got floating around in your head. And let’s get one thing straight, Negan. You didn’t care about those people at The Sanctuary. You gave them barely enough to stay alive and it wasn’t even a life. The only person you actually gave a shit about was yourself. And have I done fucked up shit? Yeah. Plenty. To keep me and my son alive… not to set myself up as some sort of wannabe god to assuage my bloated ego,” you spat at him, wincing and putting a hand over your side again and shutting your eyes.

There was a tense pause and then Negan rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and another small laugh escaped him. “I can’t really argue with most of that. You’re right. And I see that Maggie and Daryl have been pretty thorough in catching you up already.” He sighed and sank back down on the wooden chair across the room from you. “But none of that shit matters right now. So, what do we do about your tidy little ticking time bomb there? You have any more of that—”

“No, we used almost everything up last night,” you interrupted him.

Negan laughed humorously. “Now let me make something clear here; you’ve gotta be okay,” he said emphatically. “If something happens to you while you’re with me, Daryl will fucking murder me. That is not an exaggeration. No, he won’t just murder me—he’d probably carve off little pieces slowly. He isn’t gonna hear that it wasn’t my fault. So, for your health and mine,” Negan said, fiddling with the crowbar across his knees, “we’ve got to figure this out. So, what do I need to do? You obviously can’t go anywhere fast at the moment, which is really what we need.”

Your ground your teeth together and Negan saw the muscle in your jaw tense. “You’re going to have to find me some moss and get us some water and fuel for a fire.” Negan stared at you blankly.

“Sorry, did you say fucking moss?”

You nodded. “Yeah. A specific kind. I’m gonna tell you where it grows and what it looks like.” You pulled your pack closer and dug around inside it until you pulled out a small cloth bag and held it out to him.

“Is now the right time for a scavenger hunt?” he asked, but he got up and accepted the bag from you.

“A lot of mosses have antimicrobial properties that should fight the infection and—look, just do what I’m fucking asking, okay? Or I can go myself. Like I said, I’ve had worse,” you started getting out of the chair, pushing yourself up on the arms but the pain in your side seemed to ricochet through the rest of your abdomen and chest and you quickly froze, only partially standing.

“Whoa!” Negan grabbed your upper arm and helped you lower back down into the seat. His leg didn’t feel great, but it was definitely better than your side. “I’ll get it! Fuck, just sit the fuck down,” he shook his head at you. “I can see why you and that pain in the ass Daryl are together. Stubborn with an attitude,” he said with some amusement. “Moss. Water. Fuel. I can handle that. Just tell me what I need to know…”

You did. And Negan set out and returned a couple hours later with all of it.

Soon you had a fire going in one corner near a broken-out window, any smoke trailing up and out—though you’d made sure all the fuel was dry as a bone so it wouldn’t lead The Reapers straight to you. The water had finished boiling and was sitting to cool a bit. Negan was watching you with interest from his seat again as you cleaned as much debris out of the moss as you could.

Negan was casually peeling the bark off a stick, sitting on the stiff wooden chair and watching you work. “Are you going to tell me what the deal is with you and Daryl or what?” he asked.

Your eyes flickered up to his face for a moment and you paused, completely still. Then you went back to what you were doing. “No,” you said simply.

“Ahh, come on. What the hell else are we gonna talk about? I’m dying to know how exactly he ended up having a kid he didn’t seem to know about. Especially one that looks to be about ten years old.”

You tossed the handful of debris you’d been picking out of the moss into the fire. “I’m sure you are. But you’re the last person I’m going to discuss my personal life with, Negan.”

Negan sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Come on. It’ll pass the time!”

You fixed your gaze on him for a long moment. “I’ll give you one question,” you said, dusting off your hands.

“Hot damn!” Negan grinned. “I better make it a good one… Hmm. Let’s see…” A smirk grew on his face. ���So, are you guys fucking again? I mean what’s the current status?”

“Negan!” you barked back at him angrily, color flaring in your face. He only chuckled.

“It’s just a question! Anybody can see the guy is head over heels. That was obvious by the way he looked like he was mentally dismembering me anytime I came within ten feet of you.”

You only glared at him. “Do me and yourself a favor and shut the fuck up,” you growled. You collected the moss and plunged some of it into the still warm water and let it soak for a few seconds. Then you removed it and wrung most of the water out. Negan watched with interest as you packed it over the wound in your side and secured it around your body with a long makeshift bandage you’d fashioned from a spare flannel you’d had stowed in your pack.

“That’s gonna fight off infection?” Negan asked, interested. “Seems counter-intuitive to stick some dirty shit you found outside right over a wound.”

“It’s not dirty. And yes, hopefully. Long before we had modern medicine, plants were doing what doctors and pills used to,” you said, climbing to your feet and sinking back into the armchair again with a sigh.

“How the hell did you learn this?” Negan asked, digging in his pack for his MRE and tearing off the top.

You shrugged. “Aren’t we all picking up new things all the time? One of my people, from my last community, knew a lot about medicinal and edible plants. I paid attention.”

Negan nodded, scooping another bite into his mouth. “So, we gotta just wait now?”

You nodded. “Just have to let it do its job.” You sunk back more heavily into the chair and closed your eyes, but they were only shut a moment before Negan’s voice broke the silence again.

“You’re really not going to tell me about you and Daryl?”

Your eyes opened. “No. I’m not.”

He sighed. “What if I tell you about my wife?” he said softly.

Your brow furrowed. “Which one?” you asked sharply.

“The real one.”

_ _ _ _ _ _

The next morning, you woke up gently. Negan was already awake, standing at one of the dingy windows, staring thoughtfully outside. He turned when he heard you shifting. “You’re looking better,” Negan commented.

You stood and moved without pangs of pain and sighed with relief. Unbinding your bandage and peeling the poultice from the wound, you saw that the redness was gone and it was no longer inflamed. The moss had done its job. You applied fresh, dry moss over the stitches and rebound the bandage.

Negan wandered over, watching you closely. “You good?”

You looked up and nodded. “Yeah.” You paused. “Thanks. For your help yesterday with getting all that stuff.” He nodded once. You slung your pack up onto your shoulder. “Come on. We’ve gotta get to that house. Maybe the others are waiting there.”

“You can’t be serious,” Negan said, nearly stepping in your way as you moved toward the door. “You want to keep going? We don’t even know if anyone else made it.”

You started to unbarricade the door with a grunt of effort. “They did,” you said matter-of-factly.

Negan shook his head. “You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do!” you snapped at him, standing up straight. For the first time, Negan saw something like desperation in your eyes. “They made it,” you said firmly, but he heard the shake in your voice. “Now, help me move this…”

Negan looked at you for a long moment and then sighed and pushed the heavy oak desk out of the path of the door.

_ _ _ _ _ _

Maggie, Gabriel, and Elijah waited in silence. The air was heavy with anxiety and Maggie found herself alternately pacing the length of the room and then standing frozen at the window, peering out through the wooden slats. Through the narrow space, she saw figures moving on the street outside but it was difficult to see through the leaves of the shrubs close to the house. “I got movement comin’ up on this side.”

Elijah stood and went to another window near the front door. His knife was in his hand.

“Oh my God. Oh, thank God,” Maggie suddenly sighed. “It’s alright. It’s Negan and Y/N,” she said, happy tears in her eyes.

A moment later, Elijah pulled the door open and the two of you stepped into the dilapidated interior, Maggie rushed over and grabbed you in a hug. “Thank God you’re alright,” she said.

You tightened your free arm around her, bow in your hand at your other side. “You too. All of you,” you said, looking at Elijah and Gabriel as she broke away, but at the same moment your heart sank. “Daryl?” you asked, your brow furrowing and casting a shadow over your momentary relief at seeing the others.

Maggie shook her head. “We don’t know. We haven’t seen Daryl or Frost. Alden’s hurt bad. I left him someplace safe,” she said, her voice breaking. “Agatha. Duncan. They’re gone...”

You hung your head and closed your eyes for a long moment. “Fuck…” Your knuckles shone white as you gripped riser of your bow hard. “Goddammit… I’m so sorry.”

She nodded solemnly and then scrutinized you and Negan more closely. “How are you two?”

You moved farther into the house and stood beside the small stash of supplies. “We took a little damage but I think we’ll be fine. What’s the plan?” you asked, getting straight back to your purpose.

“We’ll wait a little longer for Daryl and Frost, in case they’re tryin’ to get here. But then we have to move. It’s not too far to Meridian from here.”

Negan let out a small scoff and paced away in a small circle, rubbing a hand over his forehead.

Maggie bristled. “Somethin’ you wanna say?”

“Maggie, look at us. We’re hurt. There are only four of us. One more encounter like the one we just had and that number is going to drop to zero.”

“People back home are dependin’ on us. Hungry kids. If we can’t make this work, Alexandria is done.”

Negan sighed and leaned back against the wall, but he stayed quiet.

“So, unless you’ve gotta somethin’ helpful to add, just keep your mouth shut for once in your life,” she snapped at him.

“Hey—” Elijah said suddenly. “Something’s up.” _ _ _ _ _ _

The heavy bootsteps overhead seemed to press on your ear drums as the Reapers moved through the house. Your heart was hammering in your throat. Then suddenly—Daryl’s voice. You clapped a hand over your mouth to stop yourself from gasping with relief. Alive. He was alive. He was okay. But then your stomach plummeted into the pit of your stomach. But why was he with them?

It didn’t take long for you to realize what was going on. A voice. A woman. “You’re either with us, or you’re not.” Leah. It had to be Leah. It was the only thing that made sense.

Your chest tightened and it was harder for you to draw in even shallow breaths. You closed your eyes, straining your hearing. Daryl again. “What do you want me to do?”

Then it was obvious; Daryl was dropping as much info as he could to you hiding below. 20 people. Weapons. Supplies. Walls. And then he was picking a fight on purpose with this “Carver” asshole.

“Shaw. Wake. Up. Everything is a test now,” Carver spat. “If you think this guy is ever going to give a shit about any of us, you’re gonna fail.”

“He’s right,” Daryl said quickly. “I don’t give a shit about any of you. Except you.” You felt a sharp pain between your lungs. “I’m here for you. It’s no secret I made mistakes. But I’m here right now.”

You were trying to suppress a rising wave of nausea. You could feel Maggie and Negan looking your way and you ducked your eyes, kept them down-turned to the cement of the cellar floor. A second later, Maggie touched you on the sleeve and tilted her head toward the cellar door. With Daryl distracting Leah and Carver, you snuck away, but the painful bubble in the middle of your chest stayed with you.

When you were finally safely away from the town the Reapers had been combing, Maggie stopped all of you. “We can stop for a minute,” she said, out of breath just like the rest of you from rushing through the woods. “We’re getting’ close. About three miles out.”

Negan let out a disbelieving laugh again, but you silenced him with a look. Maggie turned to you and touched you on the arm and spoke to you in a soft undertone. “You know Daryl was only sayin’ those things to—”

“I know,” you interrupted her, nodding, but your face was downturned. It still felt like a knife was lodged upward between your lungs. Listening in on that, Daryl saying those things to another woman, to her, had been excruciating. You hadn’t even realized how much so until you were out of the immediate danger. They seemed to ring in your head. “I’m here for you.” “I made mistakes.”

Maggie frowned softly. “Y/N, you and DJ are his whole life. I was there. I saw it. I saw how he was after. We almost lost him when he lost you. And then he never gave up on you. He never stopped searchin’. Whoever she is, she’s nothin’ to him compared to you. Believe that. Trust it.”

You gulped and nodded again and managed to give her a forced smile, though the worry line stayed between your brows. “What’s the plan for taking care of these assholes?”

You all turned as sticks cracked nearby. Walkers were wandering in. Everyone fingered their weapon but Maggie stopped you. “Wait,” she said, looking at more following behind out of the trees. She glanced back at the group of you. “Think we can find more?”

[arkhaline]

My Complete Thoughts on RvB: Restoration

Major spoilers for the entire season below the cut!

I think the biggest sin of this season was not clarifying when it takes place, as it cheapened a lot of the twists by genuinely confusing me or contrasting information that we had already been given in S15-S18. Keep this in mind for the rest of the review.

Maybe the allusion to Caboose’s voice being “misremembered” was confirmation that it was in fact a simulation post-S13, but it still wasn’t super clear to me. Especially since Dylan was talking about the Reds and Blues (even though I know they met post-S10), which kinda made it feel like Restoration could be post-S18 (unless that was the point). There was just enough ambiguity that it really could have gone either way for most of the movie.

I feel like the humor was a bit off?? Maybe it was a generational gap since the show was going back to someone who hasn’t written for it in a while and is older than the current writers (case in point: he used tropes that Gen Z makes fun of a lot, e.g. he’s right behind me isn’t he). The Zoom call bit also went on WAY too long. The metacommentary about the changing attitudes toward RT also felt a bit tone deaf. In general, a lot of the trademark RvB banter just felt stale, it was the more general dialogue that was stronger (though Church telling Caboose to shut up when Simmons was talking did make me laugh).

Also, Grif was so angry all the time at the beginning?? Felt out of character and took me out of those early scenes. Maybe it was a setup for the whole discharge subplot but it just felt… off

The writing was just a bit clunky at the beginning, felt very direct and exposition-y, but that might be because they had so much to cover in so little time. It resolved itself later, anyway (except for the rapid fire ending, there was so much to unpack there).

Alright enough complaining about the general format, here are my more detailed thoughts.

Sheila!!! That is all.

I can excuse Caboose secretly speaking Spanish the whole time because there was a bit in S16 (maybe 17? can’t remember) where he understands something that Lopez said.

I initially completely missed the fact that the Meta’s color scheme was an allusion to Felix, that is so fucked up. Tucker dressed in the colors of the man he hates the most about to kill his closest friends? Jesus.

The Director being Epsilon’s therapist in the YouTube video made me laugh really hard.

Speaking of therapists, Wash was patient 619-B and I think that was the Counselor’s voice. Is the implication that he survived in this timeline?? Because he died before Epsilon fractured himself, so that much should at least be set in stone. Not really clear on that.

The “Great Destroyer” thing felt a bit retcon-y, but I can get behind it well enough.

I got so excited when 479er showed up, glad that we got confirmation that she made it out of Recovery okay. Wish we could’ve seen her and Wash (and Carolina) interact though.

I wish they had done Sarge’s death a bit differently. Kinda wish he hadn’t been all “that worked out well!” only to be stabbed, it felt very “he’s right behind me isn’t he” and made the fact that he was about to be stabbed obvious from a million miles away. There’s definitely something to be said about him sacrificing himself for a blue, and the deathbed interactions he had with the others were really good, but it kinda just felt like shock value?? Like there wasn’t enough build up to the payoff, it just kinda seemed like he decided to save Caboose last minute without any major character motivations or development behind the decision.

Which is another thing, it felt like it relied a LOT on Red vs. Blue dynamics in the beginning, and I was fucking flabbergasted when they actually left Caboose behind. The same people who broke time to save Wash would just leave Caboose to die like that? No way.

Meta!Tucker felt like it wasn’t explored enough, mostly just “no I won’t do your bidding” and “yes you will” back and forth with no real depth. However, credit where credit is due, I LOVED how this gave us a new perspective to Maine’s descent into madness. That ten-years-of-torture-in-a-few-seconds thing? So fucked up. Can you imagine being tortured by the remnants of your best friend, who have zero regard for your well-being? If they did all of that to Tucker in the short time they were together, just imagine what they did to Maine to get him to the point he was at at the end of S10/by Recollection.

Bonus points for the fact that the fragments tortured Tucker without a second thought when they themselves are a result of torture. They seemed to spare no empathy for Tucker despite having been through this themselves. Then again, I suppose they are they are copies of the original Leonard Church, who had no such qualms.

Didn’t realize that Meta!Tucker was voiced by Miles Luna (aka Felix’s voice actor) until the credits, that was an extra layer of fucked up and I loved it.

I really enjoyed Wash’s plot for the most part. I was definitely super intrigued the whole time since so much of his subplot didn’t add up from his perspective. I mean, I think he deserved something more for a send-off since most of his arc wasn’t really related to his character as a whole (besides the freelancer thing at the end). However, I still enjoyed it for what it was worth.

Additionally, if this is post-S13, I wish they’d clarified because I assumed that Wash was suffering from cerebral hypoxia and not some other injury. They kept alluding to something that happened on Chorus, but I wasn’t clear on the fact that it was a separate timeline of events. The Doc plot twist threw me off a lot more as a result.

I could tell he was gonna launch himself off the cliff and it still made me laugh hysterically.

I’m glad that the final battle was in Blood Gulch. It’s cliché, but it felt full-circle. Plus, it was the best resting place for Sarge in canon and a good set-up for a “why were we here” moment.

I knew Simmons was gonna have his arm broken but I still gasped anyway. And when the shotgun was cut in half??? Bro my jaw was on the floor, it was like when John Wick’s dog was killed (probably, I’ve never seen that movie). But the way Simmons cocked the shotgun with one hand was badass as hell, good for him.

I’m glad we got something resembling a Simmons character arc? I think it relied a lot on setup from previous seasons of him becoming a leader, with little to no actual development in S19 itself, but it still felt at least decently satisfying.

“Best throw ever. Of all time” made me laugh, I love a good callback. Actually, there were a lot of fun callbacks to jokes, like the irony bit. They were greatly appreciated.

Tucker getting launched by a warthog actually made me laugh really hard, I love the “shotgun as a code word” bit so much.

The Tex plot twist was SO GOOD, I totally didn’t see it coming. Much better direction to go anyway, since we already put Church to rest in S15. So glad that Caboose was able to get his moment in the spotlight and have the smartest plan of all of them. Unless it was Church’s plan, in which case I find it so sweet that he wanted to bring Tex back instead of himself (even if it did cheapen the S9 “let her go” thing a bit). I also really loved the callback where her armor turned black because of the teleporter, that was really good.

I got so excited when they started playing Round One I’ll be honest. Also, I Say Ooh?? Was not expecting that one.

In all honesty, I didn’t love the soundtrack (kinda felt stock music-y and cliché in a lot of parts, plus it didn’t have the musical style that we’ve come to expect from RvB). It was fine, but nothing to write home about. The campfire song was good too. I know about the whole thing where Trocadero wouldn’t join on unless everyone was brought back on, and now that we know that RT is shutting down, it’s possible that this was because multiple musical artists just weren’t in the budget. That said, it’s a shame that there weren’t more original songs.

I called that Carolina was gonna be Recovery (though now I think about it, why was she doing Recovery?? was it even Recovery since Charon had been shut down??? What happened to her after Chorus???? Also her talking about how her and Wash would do everything together from now on meanwhile she left him behind in some hospital?????). Anyway, the fight with her and Tex was SO fan service-y but I ate it up anyway, good for them.

Tex winning because she was a collection of the Reds and Blues’ memories and she always won against them was so, so good, something to be said about the positive nature of the memories of your friends (I mean just look at how happy they had been when recounting everything they’d been through!)

Also if just talking about someone was enough to create a functional AI, it kinda makes the whole “torturing Alpha to make more AI” thing totally pointless and retcons the entire show but. Whatever.

TEX DESERVED THIS ENDING!! I like the S9 ending in a lot of ways, it was poetic that she was finally allowed to rest after being dragged back so many times against her will, but I think it also felt incomplete because I don’t know if being put to rest was what Tex herself would actually want. There is a significant difference between not electing to bring her back again and choosing to take her out of the fight. Tex was never allowed to make her own decisions, not even in S9. This ending was entirely on her terms, which I think was fantastic.

I loved the rockslide, it reminded me a lot of the ice fight from S8 was just generally very fun.

It’s established that Tucker became the Meta because he had several AI when just two was enough to almost kill Carolina. If this isn’t the canon timeline, then why didn’t Tucker become the Meta in that one? For a reason besides “the writers didn’t think of it”.

I hope that Burnie came up with the idea for this season by reading Meta!Tucker fan fiction.

The Doc thing was so??? Why did they do a Sixth Sense. Like I think that twist would have worked a LOT better if they made it clearer when this took place (I kept flip flopping on whether this was an alternate timeline post-S13 or main timeline post-S18 up until this point, which made the whole Doc-died-on-Chorus thing feel like it came out of nowhere since, if it was post-S18, we knew that Doc survived Chorus. It also makes Epsilon’s sacrifice to get them all out of there feel a bit cheaper since they didn’t all get out of there, but maybe that suggests that S15-S18 are the main timeline).

How did Doc heal Wash’s leg?? Was it even broken in the first place??? Did they ever clarify that????

I GASPED when the Freelancers showed up. It was camp as hell and hard to take seriously but also I don’t even care. I’m glad he got some kind of goodbye, since he was always too late to do so as a Recovery agent.

Kinda funny that Wyoming wasn’t there but Florida was, and also South was there even though Wash murdered her in cold blood. Anyway.

When One showed up I felt every emotion I think

Bro where the hell was Donut? There was no good reason for him not to at least show up, maybe on the pelican with One or something. Especially since S16 and S17 were dedicated to an entire arc about how everyone should stop disrespecting Donut, like come on.

Edit: did a little research and it might be because there’s no pink armor in the game this season was filmed in? Which is so hard to believe, since Halo has so many references to RvB. I can’t believe they would just cut out the armor colors of one of the main characters and make it impossible for him to return in the way we know him, it’s messed up.

I know time was short, but I wish we had more time to explore Tucker’s feelings post-Meta. Especially since he killed Sarge, even though it definitely wasn’t his fault. There probably wasn’t enough time to get into all that, but still, he seemed remarkably fine after everything that had happened. I guess that kind of exploration is what AO3 is for lol.

I have mixed feelings about the end for Tex and Church. On one hand, Tex calling herself Allison Church was so sweet and I loved how caring she was, it reminded me of when she said goodbye to Alpha during the Freelancer saga. Also, the fact that there was finally a Church free of the memories of his predecessors felt very satisfying. However, I kind of wish that they could have just had their happily ever after and stayed in the memory unit. I understand the decision—destroying the remaining AI was really the best way to make sure Project Freelancer was put to rest forever—but I kinda feel like she and Church deserved better than simply being put down after everything they’d been through.

One final team kill for Caboose. Ow.

The animation was really, really good!! It looked much better than that plasticky look the trailer had. I didn’t love Epsilon’s animations (they felt a bit jerky and overacted), but otherwise I think they did a really great job. I especially loved how they animated the AI on Tucker’s visor, it looked cool as hell.

I think one of the things this season suffered from was the overall tonal shift in the writing. Burnie hadn’t written for, and Matt hadn’t solely directed, a season in a LONG time. We’ve come to expect more character-focused narratives that dive into the nuisances of the characters and their relationships, and we didn’t really get that here (unless you count Sarge’s deathbed confession to Grif that he was hard on him because he wanted him to be more, which still felt a bit shallow. Actually, there are lot of things which could be considered set-ups in retrospect, but their intended payoffs didn’t feel like payoffs). I think there was a consequential whiplash as compared to what we have come to expect from RvB, and while the writing style we got wasn’t inherently bad (again, I liked a lot of it), it was definitely different.

I really, really hated that Grif left at the end. That’s literally the antithesis of his S15 arc, which felt much more complete and true to the character than this one. It’s impossible not to compare these arcs because of how inherently similar they are, and because I believe the S15 arc is superior (Grif’s exhaustion was a more subtle and believable reaction than this Grif’s raw anger, and his realization of how much he relied on his team was much more powerful than this Grif just tapping out), it makes the S19 Grif arc feel poorly thought out.

Also, he wanted to be discharged, but I don’t think they worked for the UNSC or any other military organization after Chorus since they all retired, so was any of that really necessary? Maybe retirement is just a vessel, so to speak, to represent Grif leaving adventure behind him for good. Still, I liked the way S15 handled this arc a lot more.

Vale Deah. Ow.

NO GRIMMONS??? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???

The most we got was Grif leaving and asking Simmons to come with him but like. “not scared to take risks my ass”, Burnie.

Honestly, I think this season was a victim of its format. Eighty minutes isn’t a lot of time to properly send off these characters, especially when RvB as a format is based on multi-season arcs. There just wasn’t enough time to build up tension or explore the dynamics of something as extreme as Meta!Tucker in a way that would feel satisfying. That said, I think Burnie did a pretty good job fitting as many things as he did into this format. A part of me is almost glad that Grimmons wasn’t made canon? I feel like it might’ve felt rushed to give it a satisfying arc in just 80 minutes in addition to all of the other shit going on, and I think after 21 years they deserved at least a satisfying resolution. However, they did NOT deserve an ending which implied that they would never see each other again, what the fuck.

TL;DR? 7.5/10. Far from perfect, and there were a lot of creative decisions made that I heavily disagree with. However, they did a lot right, too, and it still seems heartfelt in a way that helps me overlook some of its flaws. Overall, I enjoyed this season for what it was worth. There are some qualities of S17 that I think made for a better final goodbye to these characters, and some qualities of S19 that I think made for a better goodbye (in all honesty I never finished S18, but it wasn’t really a “goodbye” season anyway). Wrapping up a 21-year-old series is very difficult, and I have a lot of respect for Burnie and the others who worked on Restoration for what they put together. Truthfully, I’m gonna pick and choose which segments of S17 and S19 are canon in my heart (S17 is still the overall canon ending for me), but I’m happy with what we got in the end.

Anyways, I’m happy to chat more in the replies, let me know your thoughts!

[ardentpoop]

I appreciate that some of you are like “the narrative was very clear about XYZ so I don’t get why the fandom is so cruel and willfully ignorant abt sam”

but the narrative is not actually clear as a whole, especially to casual viewers who apparently need all the help they can get to overcome certain biases and recognize power imbalances etc. yes, in spite of how hilariously unsubtle the show usually is when it really wants you to receive a particular message. there’s a lot to say abt its handling of dean vs sam and most of the writers’ preference for dean over sam, as well as its habit of retconning samndean characterization to move the plot forward bc the late-seasons writers especially didn’t have a firm enough grasp on the characters to understand that that wasn’t necessary.

theee best example that comes to mind is the s9 finale and subsequent references to it throughout s10. samndean’s confrontations at the end of “sharp teeth” and at the end of “the purge” are in a whole different world than the dumb bullshit we got in “do you believe in miracles?” - one of my least favorite season finales in the entire series because of all the s9 character development it lazily undid in an instant. fuck jeremy carver for this one lmfao. like I can make it work because I can make almost everything in this show work, but if this were a more competently written show overall I wouldn’t have to pick up the writing team’s slack so often.

it’s also very funny that this is a show where you can get dialogue as intriguing as what we got btwn samndean in “the purge” and also dialogue as stupidly heavy-handed as that of “thinman” in the same season. there is such a baffling range to the writing quality in this show that I raise an eyebrow when anyone makes blanket statements abt it of any sort. I need you to break up the layers a bit when you’re commenting on what fandom is doing vs what the narrative is doing. it unfortunately isn’t as simple as “the fandom doesn’t get what the show is saying.” every once in a while it’s “the fandom gets what the show is saying, but what the show is saying is fucking bad and should be deconstructed.”

[soulofapatrick]

Keep You Safe - Joel Miller x Reader

Summary: Kansas City was meant to be a quick pass through but things never go how you plan them 

Words: 3.2k

Warnings: none that I can think of 

Notes: I’m watching the episodes, catching up as I write these 

Y/N’s POV

Frank hugs me tightly before handing me the book, the letters sticking out of the top. I don’t want to take it as it means we might not see each other again but Frank forces it into my hands with a whispered promise of “You need to bring this back as you haven’t read it to me yet.” It’s a promise. A promise they’re expecting us to come back in any shape or form and I just hug Frank again, scared this will be the last time I see him. 

“Take care,” Bill nods gruffly from where he’s standing awkwardly next to Frank and I just roll my eyes, yanking Bill into a hug. He lets out a surprised sound but does wrap his arms around me, “You keep him sane. He’ll go mad without you.” 

“I will.” I promise before saying my final goodbyes and sliding into the backseat of the Chevy Bill’s reluctantly letting us borrow. I’d sit in the front but I’m already mad at Joel as he tried to persuade me to stay here again. Everyone can sense the tension in the air between us but no one says anything, none of them knowing why. All they saw or heard was the sharp sting on me slapping him when he even thought of leaving me behind again. I shouldn’t have slapped him but I thought we were past this and the fact he’d try and persuade me to stay here while he goes off handing my sister to her death… I was furious. I still am. 

Ellie spins around in the front seat to look at me, clover green eyes narrowed as she asks, “So, what he do?” 

“Nothing.” I snap, crossing my arms like a petulant teenager. I get to be a petulant teenager when he acts like a prick like that. Ellie just raises an eyebrow at me and waits, “He tried to leave me behind.” 

“Awww he loves you.” She grins and my cheeks heat up ridiculously quickly. Joel’s climbing into the driver seat before I can make any snide remark back so I just sneer at her before she turns back to explore the car. It’s her first time in a car and it’s amusing watching her flip the visor down then back up, leaning out the window to push the side mirror in while Joel just watches with an exasperated look on his face, “’s like a damn spaceship.” 

“No, it's like a piece of shit Chevy S10.” Joel grumbles and I can’t help but snort at Bill’s somewhat offended look. Joel reaches over Ellie, showing her what a seatbelt is before putting the car in gear and practically tearing out of there before Bill can rescind the offer of his car. Ellie, of course, can’t sit still and pulls open the glove box finding an old cassette in there. Bill really was against everything new, Jesus, a cassette tape? Old man, “Would ya leave it?” Ellie ignores him, “Put it back…Ellie.” 

The soft voice of Linda Ronstadt fills the car and Ellie just sighs going to pull the cassette back out when Joel speaks up again, “Oh, no, wait. No, no leave it. Oh, this is good. This is Linda Ronstadt.” He tells her and she just stares at him, confusion on her face as she of course has no idea who that is. Hell, I don’t either. 

Ellie rolls her eyes but there’s amusement written all over her face as she goes to look out the window as the houses melt away into fields and trees before she makes a small sound, “Eh, better than nothing.” It has Joel actually cracking a smile and I can’t help but do the same before he catches my gaze in the rearview mirror and I’m snapping my head away. I’m still mad at him and he needs to know it because I can’t just let him off the hook that easily. I though we were getting past the ‘leave-you-behind,-it’s-safer-this-way’ but yeah no, wishful thinking on my behalf really. 

*

“Y/N,” I spin around from packing my bag to see Joel standing in the doorway of my room, he’s looking at his hands as he pulls at the rough skin. Oh fuck, this again? I know exactly what the next words out of his mouth are going to be but I entertain him anyway. He steps closer, as if trying to find the right words and his hand cups my cheek. I can’t stop myself from leaning into his touch and relishing in the moment before he shatters it with his next words, “It’d be safer if you stay here.” 

“No,” I snap back almost immediately, “You are not going to try and sneak off, leaving me here again!” 

“Y/N, it’s safer and I can get Ellie there qui-“ 

“NO!” It comes out harsher than I intend, “She’s my sister and I’m not letting you take her alone!” 

He’s sighing, scrubbing the hand that was just holding me over his face tiredly, that stupid sharp tone entering his voice and my blood boils in my veins, “I don’t want you getting hurt. You are staying here.”

My next action shocks me more that it seems to shock Joel. As soon as he tries to order me about that was it, reaching forwards I slap him as hard as I can. Immediately regretting what I’ve done I stumble back, watching the way his hand flies up to touch the forming red mark and my heart sinks at the pain in his eyes. I never want to hurt him or have him looking at me the way he does, my legs giving out beneath me. Even upset with me Joel practically rushes over but I’m shoving him away, trying to hide my face as tears stream down them. 

“I-I’ll wait for you by the car,” There’s a strain to his voice before he’s gone with the quiet click of the door. 

*

“I’m sorry,” It’s spoken so quietly I almost don’t hear it, “I’m sorry I tried to leave you behind again.” 

“You should be,” I snap back. He physically flinches and his honey eyes are full of guilt when he meets my forced glare in the rear view mirror. Ellie’s asleep in the front seat so if we’re about to argue then it’s gotta be a quiet one as I’m not dealing with a grumpy and sleep deprived Ellie as well as a pissed off Joel. 

“I…” He seems to stumble over his words, his grip on the steering wheel tightening so much his knuckles go white, “I don’t want you getting hurt is all.” 

“She’s my sister,” I remind him, “And I can take care of myself. I spent eight years on my own before meeting you and Tess.” 

“I know you can take care of yourself,” He retorts, his gaze hardening and he lets out a sharp sigh, “I can’t lose you Y/N, not-“ 

A bullet suddenly pings off the bonnet of the car, jolting Ellie awake and Joel goes on high alert. We’re coming into Kansas City and there’s a man in front of our car, hand on his bleeding side and he’s crying out for help. Ellie asks Joel if we're going to help him while the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. Joel lets out a sharp “No.” Then floors the gas straight towards the person. He yells and jumps aside with a few choice swearwords. The QZ flies by and it’s empty. Shit. 

“Joel!” Ellie shrieks, looking up for a brick to smash the windshield, Joel swerving as the tires pop from running over the shattered glass or police spikes. My heart rushes in my ears as another guy appears, gun aimed at Ellie’s side of the car and I’m moving forwards to shield her in any way I can despite being in the backseat. Joel sees what I’m doing as is apparently having none of it as he’s suddenly swinging the car to the left so the gun is his side and my head smacks the window, pain ringing through me but I have to ignore it when the tires slide and skid and we’re crashing straight through a laundromat, the impact jolting me painfully and my stitches pinching. 

“Is everyone okay?” Joel asks, pulling his hand away from Ellie where he’d thrown it in front of her to keep her in her seat. I’d have felt pride or something if I weren’t so panicked right now, the bullets still pinging off the car, “Out! Fast!” He’s nudging Ellie and I get the hint, grabbing my pack and the guns before tumbling out the right side of the car, handing Joel his gun when he reaches for it. We’re stuck out in the open with only Bill’s Chevy protecting us from the hunters, fucking hunters. I take a risk and peak around the edge of the truck and firing a well aimed shot at one of them, hearing the thud and the gurgle before the hunters throw slurs our way and Joel is yanking me back down with fury in those honey eyes of his, “When I say go, you two are to craw to that wall and go through it, okay?” 

I open my mouth to protest but a every well aimed shot skims over my head and Joel is yelling “GO!” At us. I follow Ellie on my belly, crawling to the hole in the wall and making sure she gets through first before I have to pull myself up and through it, trying to ignoring the yelling and gunfire behind me as we left Joel out there alone. 

“Joel?” Ellie looks up at me as I try to steady my breathing, having to be a steady constant for her when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry as I wait for Joel to reappear, “It’s too quiet!” Ellie’s hissing and before I can stop her she’s climbing back through the gap, ignoring my panicked calls for her to stop. She’s going to be the fucking death of me I swear. 

A gunshot rings out and I’m practically throwing my aching body back through the gap to see Ellie holding out one of Bill’s guns, a broken look on her face as Joel is on all fours gasping for air and there’s a kid no older than me on the floor with blood pooling beside his head. For a second all I see is Elliott laying there. My breath gets stuck in my throat as I’m stumbling back, tears blurring my vision and I barely see the way Joel snatches the gun from Ellie with a few harsh words then he’s approaching me where I’ve sunk to the floor with my knees to my chest. His calloused hands grip my face and force me to look at him so I can see his face when he guides my shaking hands to his chest where his heart is beating just as rapidly under his layers. It’s all I focus on until I can breath again and Joel’s pulling me to my feet. He’s coaxing me back through the gap after Ellie, “Can you two let me in?” 

“Y-yeah,” My voice is shaky but I move to the door, using the butt of my own gun to smash the lock off the door, swinging it open so he can slip inside with us. He’s silently pulling the table in front of the door, anger and guilt radiating off of him so I ask quietly, “What now?” 

He reaches for me and I flinch so he just lets out a defeated sigh, “We go up so I can see the layout of the city and find us a way out of here.” 

“Sounds good.” Ellie nods. She’s got her brave face on as she passes me to follow Joel through he door marked ‘stairs’ except I can see the slight quiver to her bottom lip and the hidden shock behind her eyes. She just juts out her chin and disappears behind the door so I do the only thing I can, follow them. Joel’s flashlight is almost blinding when he flicks it, all of us staring up at the endless amount of stairs ahead of us. 

*  

The moonlight illuminates the rooftop we have to cross to get into the office building. Joel’s breathing hard when we finally find an office that’s safe enough to camp in for the night and Ellie just spins around with a grin on her face and her voice singsongy as she chortles, “Come on, lazy ass!” 

“Lazy ass? I’m forty-six, you little shit,” He grumbles as he grabs the fire extinguisher to smash the glass of the office door and reach in to unlock it. He holds the door open for us and we slip inside throwing our packs down while Joel just glares at her but there’s no menace behind his glare. He’s kicking the glass about, spreading it across the floor so if someone breaks in we’ll hear the crunch of the glass. I help, grabbing the cushions from the leather sofas and laying them on the floor in two rows. Ellie gets two cushions as she’s small and Joel gets the other makeshift bed gets three while I lay my jacket on the floor to sleep on it and use my bag as a pillow. Joel’s the oldest, he deserves the luxury of the cushions or his bones might just pop out of place. The thought has me snorting, causing the pair of them to turn to me in question and I’m just shaking my head and laying back against my pack. 

“No,” Joel’s got that sharp tone again and I just ignore him, rolling on my side to face Ellie who is already laid down and trying to sleep, “Y/N. No.” Again, I just ignore him, hoping he’ll just leave it be and take the bed. It goes silent and I’ve won this one, a first. Of course, I’m wrong. Those strong arms sweep me up off the floor, ignoring my shriek of surprise, as he lays me on the cushion bed, keeping me in place despite my struggles as he shrugs off his own jacket. He’s squashing himself behind me, wrapping me up in his arms as he scolds me, voice in almost a low growl, “You don’t do anything like that ever again, you understand me?” 

He’s obviously referring to earlier when I killed the hunter but also now, trying to sleep on the floor with a still healing injury. It’s like he can read my thoughts because his fingers are ghosting over the cut, leaving goosebumps in his trail and I’m shivering, “i”m sorry.” 

“I know.” 

*

I’m sitting up, tearing myself from Joel’s arms when the glass crunches. Two guys are there, one my age and the other Ellie’s and they’ve got guns pointed at us. I want to move, to put myself between the older and Ellie but he shakes his head in warning, pressing the barrel to her skull and forcing her to kneel. The younger kid has his gun pointed at me and Joel, a finger to his lips and orange paint around his eyes in the shape of a superhero mask. 

“Joel,” I smack Joel’s arm lightly but he’s sleeping on his left side so his right ear is up and he’s go shit hearing in that ear so I call his name a little louder with a harder smack. He jolts awake, hands finding my waist and trying to yank me back so he’s between me and the gun, a look on his face one that has had many running away with their tails tucked between their legs. The older man, gun still to Ellie’s head, feels the affects of the glare as the gun in his hand shakes ever so slightly. 

“Now we don’t want to hurt you,” He speaks in as much of an authoritative voice as he can muster, obviously never having to do this before. Joel’s hands tighten on my waist, nails digging in almost painfully but it’s grounding as I’m one wrong word away from jumping between this man and Ellie, “You don’t have to worry about what to say. We don’t want to hurt you. We wanna help you.” 

“Okay,” Joel’s voice is low and dangerous and it has the man, shifting on the spot, eyes flickering between the three of us and the gun in his hand shaking a little more obvious while the kid stands steady, eyes darting between what I’m guessing is his older brother and us. 

“I don’t know what the next step is with something like this but if I lower my gun we didn’t hurt you so you don’t hurt us. Right?” Joel just stares daggers at him and I just wanna yell at him for being a stubborn dick, he might be about to get my sister killed as they guy seems like he could be a little trigger happy from fear. 

“That’s right.” Joel nods once and I let my forehead fall to the back of his shoulder in defeat because he’s going to get us all killed. 

“That’s a weird fucking tone, man.”

“That’s just the way he sounds. He has an asshole voice,” Ellie sighs, hands still up and a pointed look thrown at Joel, “Joel, tell him he’s okay.” 

“That’s right.” Joel keeps the same tone. Yep. We are going to die, “Everything is great.” 

“Dude!” Ellie groans, just as exasperated as I am, knowing our lives are on the line as our gun have been kicked out of our reach and if we even try make a move for them it’s Ellie who’s gonna die first. 

“Okay. Listen. I’m gonna trust you.” The guy says, eyes wide and he waves his hand to get the kid’s attention, signing something to him before the safety is clicked back on both their guns, “But if either of you guys try anything…”

The kids steps back, away from me and Joel, my companion letting go of my hips as he sits up. Joel still keeps himself between me and the guys while Ellie scrambles over to me, hugging me tightly and I hug her back, checking her for any injuries they may have caused before I woke up but there’s not a scratch on her. They’re putting their guns in their pockets and it clicks - they’re not loaded. We had the upper hand the whole time but they needed to seem big and scary to keep their territory. Smart kids. 

“What’s your name?” Ellie asks them as they sit opposite us, on the cushions Ellie was using as a bed, flicking on the light so we can actually see properly. 

“I’m Henry and this is my brother Sam.” Henry, the older, tells us, “I’m the most wanted man in Kansas City. Although right now… my guess is you’re running a close second.”

“Cool!” 

“Ellie! Not cool!”

“Riiiigggghhhhhttttt.... Not cool…”

-------------

Tag List Form

Chapter One ⇢ Save Who You Can Save

Chapter Two ⇢ Stitches

Chapter Three ⇢ 

Chapter Four  ⇢ Escape Kansas City

Chapter Five ⇢ Finding Tommy

Chapter Six ⇢ Revealing Secrets

Chapter Seven ⇢ Crossed Paths

Chapter Eight ⇢ Finding Family

Chapter Nine ⇢ Two Become One

Chapter Ten ⇢ Coming Soon

---------------

TAGS:

@words-are-cheap @clover723 @a-psych0s-w0rld @sexyvixen7 @iraot @gemimawrites​ @pedropascalsrealhusband​ @twopercentmilk​ @amythenortherner​ @sxnshinebxcky @nelsoomon @urnewghostfriend​ @grooveandshit​ @reyas-world @canpillowscry @androgynoysgaz @outl4wage @ginger-swag-rapunzel​ @quinnverses​ @librafilms​ @leonkennedyslefthand

[tvckerwash]

thoughts on ct's fighting style and her position in pfl because I can (utc bc it's long lol):

okay so I like to jokingly refer to myself as THE wash meta/analysis guy, but I also absolutely love ct if anyone wasn't aware (she's my 2nd fav character behind wash if you couldn't tell lol), but as much as I love her it's honestly pretty difficult to write any sort of 'objective' meta or analysis posts about her because we don't know shit about her. so while this is meant to be a companion piece of sorts to this wash post, I just wanted to make it clear that a lot of this post is going to be based around my personal interpretation of ct (though I will try and be as objective as possible where I can be).

so much like wash, I think ct is also fairly unique among the freelancers for a few different reasons. one of them is that she's one of the few freelancers to wear a unique set of armor instead of the usual mark iv, and I think that ct's armor can actually tell us quite a bit about her skill set and what kind of role she possibly held. ct wears the eod helmet and chest which is primarily designed for protection from explosives, but when it comes to ct the more important information is that the eod armor was designed with less available grabbing surface than other armor variants. she also wears the scout shoulders, which is a variant that is focused on stealth capabilities.

from this information, we can easily deduce that ct's skill set primarily revolves around be slippery and sneaky, and when paired with what we see in the show it's pretty clear that ct is an intelligence operative. I think that ct is specifically a cyber operations specialist, and that prior to being recruited for freelancer she worked in ONI's section one (the actual intelligence gathering sector of ONI that is used by other UNSC branches).

another unique aspect about ct is that she is the only freelancer to consistently arm herself very lightly, with her primary weapon(s) of choice being two M6G magnums, and her other weapon(s) being two combat knives. this goes inline with what I've said above, and due to how lightly she arms herself I believe that ct generally isn't involved in any heavy combat scenarios. this point is supported by team b's failure to retrieve the briefcase with the access code during the heist in s9 (seriously, who tf thought it was a good idea to put 2 snipers and an intelligence operative all together as one team for a smash and grab retrieval mission??).

now to actually break down the whole 1.5 fights ct has in s10, I think that she probably somewhat shares wash's more grounded and pragmatic approach to combat as a whole, with the exception of her preference for duel wielding (which I personally headcanon is a thing she chooses to do because it makes her feel like an action/spy movie protagonist).

in both of her fight scenes ct seems to rely very heavily on her ability to plan ahead and get the jump on her opponents to take them by surprise (dropping from the ceiling to take out the two marines when she met up with the innie leader in the scrap yard, and using her armor enhancement to conceal her real position which allowed her to pin tex's arm behind her back), and I think it's safe to say that she probably isn't the kind of cqc fighter than can mow people down left and right like carolina can.

as mentioned above, I think ct's main goal is to take her opponents out in the quickest, quietest, and most efficient ways possible, much like a spy or an assassin, and while her loadout is great when she is in ideal circumstances where she's able to sneak around and avoid unnecessary combat, I don't think it's very good when it comes to drawn out encounters. we see this in her fight against tex and carolina, as while she handled herself pretty well it seemed like the longer the fight lasted the sloppier ct ended up getting, and eventually she made enough minor mistakes that carolina was able to knock her off her feet and disarm her in a single move, and tex, who was now aware of ct's armor enhancement, was able to cut her down.

[thatcoyperson]

IM WRITING THIS A SOLID TWO DAYS AFTER SECRET LIFE ENDS AND I JUST HAD A HORRIBLE THOUGHT. NO IDEA IF THE TIMELINES EVEN GONNA LINE UP- LIKE WE MIGHT GET OTHER SCAR CONTENT IN BETWEEN THE ENDING OF SL AND THE START OF S10 BUT I NEED TO PUT THIS SOMEWHERE (Hi Tumblr I'm posting it cause S10 is starting soon)

So. We all know how Scar didn't die at the end of Secret Life right, he won and then his episode ended, implying that he was still just. On the world. And Martyn did the whole stream where he said Scar was basically stuck there pressed the button in a desperate attempt to escape until he either dies or another death game starts, right?

So just- hear me out with this one.

The ending of SL lines up pretty well with the ending of HC S9, similar to how the start of Third Life lined up with the ending of S7, and it ending like... A week or smth before S8 started, so timeline wise it just makes sense for everyone from Third Life to just end up in S8 once it ends and miss the ending of S7.

So like. What if something similar happens with this, except Scar is the only one who goes straight from SL to S10. Why? Because he was stuck slowly wasting away in Secret Life.

We're gonna have a month or so gap in between S9 and S10 from what I've heard, so I'm just imagining everyone else getting to be at the ending of S9 and while Scars stuck trying to escape or just die in SL, and he doesn't manage to get out until S10 starts

IM GONNA FUCKING. THROW UP I HATE MY OWN BRAIN. THESE THOUGHTS ARE SO SCATTERED BUT DO YOU SEE MY VISION

[ananke-xiii]

Form and Void... Hands and Hearts.

Intro + the post before this you kinda need to read them all or it won't make a lot of sense lol

Dean and Crowley's relationship is not fun.

Full disclosure here: I have no problems in terms of shipping and having fun with the characters outside of what's canon but I personally don't see Dean's canon relationship with Crowley as "fun", it's not something that I particularly enjoy watching. Like, the actors are great etc. but the actual story makes me feel... uncomfortable. I actually find it sad that Dean's still attached to Crowley because, as much as I like him as a character, the King of Hell acts like a total predator towards Dean and this episode highlights this side of their relationship in uncomfortable ways. So be warned that things get a little ugly from here.

Let's see how food is treated in the episode: Crowley is presented as "Father Crowley" while he puts sugar in his tea and calls Dean "a rather scrumptious altar boy". The image I get from this is both that of the sugar daddy and, because of the religious references, of the scandals surrounding the Vatican and its priests (I'm trying to be as sensitive as I can but the show is really not and Crowley literally makes a reference to these events later on in the episode).

Father Crowley is a piece of shit.

He will later pull up in a van and kidnap young Amara with this line:

My, haven't you grown into a sweet young thing? Want some candy, little girl?

If we consider that Amara and Dean are connected (by the mark that's above Amara's heart and that was on Dean's right arm) Dean and Crowley's past relationship doesn't look so much fun anymore (well, it never was fun to begin with as I've written although the show did its best to make it look like it was fun with the karaoke, the cowboy hats and the sex. I mean, on paper it does look like fun if we can just forget that Dean was very much Crowley's guinea pig).

In case you were wondering, Dean and Amara are bound guys.

Crowley here is the preacher/hunter of "The Night of the Hunter". He dresses like a priest but he's hunting for demons (yeah, I know, it's a clear reference to "The Exorcist" too). He happens to find "the child that eats the souls" and proceed to kidnap her. I mean, brrrrr.

And how does Dean feel about it? He still loves him! Poor, poor, poor Dean.

While Sam went for the heart of Poor Guy with the electrocution device, the angels went for Cas' heart (and other parts too) with the angel blades, Dean goes for Crowley's heart with Ruby's knife. Unlike Sam and the angels, he doesn't finish what he had set up to do.

Dean's knife is pointed at Crowley's heart but I'm bad at taking screenshots so this is what you get.

Instead, he pins Crowley's to the wall by stabbing his left hand (the hand of love and receiving) with an angel blade. Visually, it's quite similar (not the same, similar) thing that happened to Cas at the end of S10. It couldn't be more sexual (angels blades are the dicks, also interesting choice of weapon to stab Crowley: Cas' ghost in their relationship is ever present) and more problematic: in a heartbeat Dean goes from prey to predator.

They re-used this very explicit image in S12.

Just like Dean is bound to Amara, he's still bound to his former abuser Crowley. And, I mean, from a storytelling pov it tracks because Amara is very much Crowley's and Dean's baby ("You're very maternal, Dean"). Yeah, I can hear your "ewwww" from here knowing where they went with Dean and Amara but I didn't write the show, they did and I'm picking up the things they've put down. Anyway, Dean and Crowley's relationship will be over only once Dean's not bound to Amara anymore. Or, at least, it should be but like any love triangle writers liked to milk it unti it was dry, i.e. one of the three permadied. This is why, I think, we had the echoes of the same trite trope in S12 too and if you enjoyed it good for you. For me it was torture.

Demons would be the perfect angels. Sam too.

A SPN-related theory of mine is that demons would make perfect angels. Both demons and angels are cursed with the "I get what I want" mentality. Abbadon said it, Crowley says it again in this episode. It's a very angel-like mentality, however demons are unironically more likely to put in the effort, follow the guidelines, work behind the curtains. They would be perfect angels for Chuck.

Ironically this time, angels and demons have hardly ever gotten what they wanted (hello Castiel!). They all tend to work in a certain direction only for the result to backfire in the end or leave them dead. Which reminds of a certain character named Sam Winchester.

"Form and Void" is an episode that explicity parallels Sam to the angels and to Crowley. Sam and Crowley's parallels are my everything. Up until s8 they were quite obvious while after that they're in the story's backbone rather than clearly on screen. If you care, this is one of the reasons why Crowley and Lucifer's power struggle could've been way more interesting if they had thrown in Sam in some capacity instead of doing whatever they did with Sam in s12. *breathes and calms down*

The End (of this rambling post).

"Form and Void" foreshadows how S11 would end: dark and light becoming One. It's something that US tv shows (tended to) do a lot when they deal with Christian themes: when they're going a little over the edge and very close to blasphemy they pull a "Eastern Mysticism" card to signal that they were just kidding! In SPN they did the same thing to Jack in s15. When they deal with God they use buddhist concepts as a cop-out to avoid doing things that may upset Christian believers (and no, canon bisexual God is less of a threat than canon God's older sister who's more powerful, female-presenting and holding a huuuuge grudge or than having a world with no God, no Hell and no Heaven).

Hands and hearts are a huge motifs and they signal what the characters will be doing and/or their true intention/identity. In order to see this, though, one must pay appention to the scene shown at the very beginning of the episode, a scene from the movie "The Night of the Hunter". This specific scene tells us that what we see is the opposite of what the writers mean and that the core theme of S11 is not so much God vs The Darkness but rather love. This love, however, lies in cages protected by keys and it's secret and forbidden but, as that scene tells us, love's a-winnin'. To save the day and let Love still win we've got a giant plot-twist in the form of maternal love and the resurrection of Mary Winchester. The heart's needs are met, its wants are still unknown. You can't always get what you want... SPN really did believe that.