#FUCK dude they say never meet your faves

[charmac]

Today I spent about an hour around/with Rob and I'm gonna write about it.

He recognised me from last night, came up and talked to us where I really lost all ability to calm or filter myself (which was, admittedly, already very little). He told me he's been seeing a lot of my Tweets and I asked why he followed me. He said he thought I had "a lot of fun and interesting things to say." I did not expect that, literally at all, I was trying to see if he knew my handle, @/pqdres, was for San Diego's baseball team, so I derailed myself from that conversation a bit lol oops.

The night before this he signed my S10 DVD cover on the plastic protector I had, so he offered to sign it properly when he noticed I had it with me again tonight:

I know I just kind of bulldoze over his words, (He said “Thank you for all the Twitter love”) but it’s because I had a script in my head and.. I'm sure a lot of you guys get it, lol. He didn't seem bothered, which I really appreciate.

He took individual photos with everyone who wanted one (like half the people in the bar (which wasn't even that many) had no interest in him) and when we were taking mine he asked for someone to shine an overhead light so we could get a good picture together bc I offhandedly said I needed to turn off my front flash.

I met him again, a little later at another bar (like Charlie and Glenn in October, he just kinda was walking around and hitting up various bars Four Walls was advertising at) and I apologised for my constant presence around him. The reason I stuck around was because I had one last request for the night, something I very much owed to @macdennissurvivor. I told him Emma was the person who got me into the Sunny fandom, and I would appreciate if he could say hi to her on camera. I started recording and then he said 'Nope give me your phone' and then went on a walk and recorded a 20 second video for her on my phone. I think that moment was a fundamental tilt for me.

I know I criticize this man a bit, but god-fucking-damn-it if he isn't the creator of my favourite show in the whole world, one of my favourite characters of all time, half of my URL, the reason I am writing and creating as much as I currently do, the reason I have made actual, real, deep friendships in the past few years, and he took so much time and patience with me, he recorded a whole video for my friend because he does fucking care. He sees us, this part of the fandom, and he appreciates it: that we’re a community and truly connect through his show. Words really can't express my emotions. Thank you Rob, for this.

[hanasnx]

idk insomniac peter seems the most experienced but like ????

he'd be one kinky mf too ngl

saying he's the most experienced makes sense bcos i think he's the oldest of the spider-men we know of rn (not including the vast array of comics available). besides, everybody wants a piece of ol spidey. everybody's got a hard on for him. and hes so warm and friendly, it prolly comes off as invitational and flirtatious. ppl mistake it for game simply bcos his cringefail loser personality is attached to an ultrahot bod and mutated spider-cock. doesnt hurt that he's the sweetest.

and its always the most vanilla-acting dudes you meet being the freakiest behind closed doors. i bet pete's into shit you've never met in any other guy. not just the traditional and expected stuff like bondage, no peter wants to try crazy shit. exhibitionism/agoraphilia: he wants to fuck you on a roof, on the ceiling, in the bathroom of the bar with no name just to do it (he'd never tell you, he's the type to act like he's above it and let you insist and make the decision for him). he has a keen sense of olfactophilia, amaurophilia, bet he's into a little bit of roleplay (def wants to "save" you after youve been "kidnapped" and you show your appreciation for your favorite hero), i can see him being into some breeding, dubcon (tricked/coercion edition). his fave positions are cowgirl, reverse face fuck, and doggy style off the top of my head. bet hes fantasized about being a little subby cuck.

[bg3-bitching]

"You're just bitter no one is talking about your fav."

Yeah, cuz Astarion fans won't. Let. Us.

Like, I'm on tiktok. The "Me but with Astarion" "But Astarion" "I only romance Astarion" "Oh, this is cute but I can't leave Astarion!" "Astarion loves this that the other thing" "This is so Astarion coded"

I'm shocked I haven't seen comments on random recipes that are just "Oh gosh, Astarion would've loved this potatoe soup when he was alive...now food tastes like ash in his mouth 🥺"

Then feed him an ashtray and Let Us Live.

AND WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT ANY OTHER CHARACTER THEY DERAIL YOU TO TALK ABOUT HIM!!!

Like FUCK man there's already minimal fan works for anyone besides him, you're gonna jump on my non-Ass post and make it about your fave white boy?

Listen, fandom is supposed to be collaborative. Everyone should be able to jump in and have a good time. However, there's "collaborative" and then there's "every conversation involving this piece of media MUST include the fandom's fave or else I will MAKE IT about him".

Also, they never actually collaborate. They center the focus on Ass instead of the character you were talking about. THEN when you ask them to interact with literally anything else and not make it about him, when you ask them to actually collaborate with the media they claim to be a fan of, suddenly they don't wanna talk anymore.

I have seen MULTIPLE people start BG3 and go for Ass first, only to then go "wait this dude is nothing like you said he was". Nasties are always like "he warms up to you :)", yeah because he wants you as his shield. Sure he has the potential to actually care for you, but if you just believe everything he says he never actually develops feelings for you.

They worst part is most of the time this reaction is from people who are black. They get told how great Ass is, only to meet a white man that threatens and harasses you from the get go. The cherry on top is I've also seen a few start the game not even knowing Wyll was an option. Wyll is discussed and appreciated so little they didn't even know there was a black companion.

I cannot imagine how that must feel, to have the fandom say "this evil white guy who is cruel to you is the only companion worth your time, he's more appealing than the literal Prince Charming companion who's black".

Something something "whiteness is seen as inherently attractive, innocent, and valuable" something something "blackness is seen as unattractive, corrupt, and disposable"

[harrywavycurly]

You’ve always been one of my fave writers, and I just have to know—in the “It was just one night” series we know Eddie keeps getting jealous of Steve—is that because it’s Steve? Or would he feel that way with anyone flirting with us?Especially in the early stages of pregnancy when it’s not too noticeable yet.

Hiiii babes!! Awe you’re so sweet😭 so in this series it doesn’t matter who it is flirting with you especially in the early stages, Eddie doesn’t like it😂 in his mind it’s because he doesn’t want random people around his baby even though it’s not born yet🙈 but I’ll happily give you some examples of how he handles other dudes flirting with you!💖

-find all things One Night Stand Eddie here✨

*Eddie is over seeing guys flirt with you while you’re about ten seconds away from punching him in the face*

“You have really pretty eyes.” “Thank you…so what movie did you need tickets for?” “Whatever movie you want to watch with me sweetheart.” “Dude..word of advice…she snores and chews with her mouth open…she’s like a damn pig at the water trough.” “Uh…you know what? I think I’m good on a movie right uhm…now.” “Eddie what the actual fuck?” “What? I just did you both a favor.” “How the hell was telling him I snore and eat like a pig at a trough doing me a favor?” “Because you’re pregnant and he never stood a chance.” “He stood a chance…he was cute.” “Okay but you’re still pregnant with my child and I don’t want my baby around that douche.” “You’re so annoying…what are you even doing here?” “It’s your lunch break…so I brought you some food.” “Oh…thanks.”

“Hey you know her?” “Huh? Who?” “That girl that’s with that kid at the pac man machine.” “Oh yeah I know her…I heard she just got out of prison.” “Prison? What…for? She looks so….” “Normal? Yeah that’s how she gets you…she lures you in with her looks and normalcy and then next thing you know you’re talking the last nap of your life and all your money is gone.” “Holy shit…” “yeah…wanna meet her? I’ll call her over here if you want?” “No no I’m uhm…I’m good.” “Whatever you say man…have a good night.” “Who was that you were talking to? He was looking at me like I was…crazy.” “Oh him? No clue don’t know him….here’s your water and Dustin you get three more quarters then we are out of here.” “I don’t like water…” “and I don’t care…now drink it.”

“Edward Munson I’m about to kick your fucking ass.” “Uh…why?” “You told Rick I was a high profile escort?” “Did I?…hmm don’t remember telling him that…I thought I told him you were a recovering kleptomaniac.” “What is wrong with you? Why are you running around Hawkins telling every dude in the city limits horrible lies about me?” “Uhm let’s be so fucking real with ourselves sweetheart you have a stealing problem so…that’s not a lie.” “I stole a shot glass from the hideout because I didn’t realize I still had it in my hand when you walked me out to your van…” “ah so you also have a drinking problem?” “I’m going to kill you one day…I just know it.” “Besides you don’t need all these gross dudes hitting on you…while you’re in this..condition.” “This condition? You mean knocked up with your baby?” “Yes…that’s exactly what I mean.” “News flash Edward I am just carrying your baby…we aren’t together so I can flirt and be flirted with by anyone I want okay?” “No…not okay…i don’t want my baby to listen to you flirt or be flirted with by a bunch of assholes.” “Why? It already listens to you talk…might as well add some variety in the voices of assholes it has to listen to.” “You wound me…now go drink some water and have a snack.” “Don’t tell me what to do jackass…” “yup that’s the mother of my child right there…the picture of niceness.”

[iiikaruz]

New CH episodes have made me officially decide to stop caring about the actual cast of the show </3 (/hj but i wish it was /j)

Anyway would you like to share some of your headcanons/scenarios for the side/minor characters ? It always makes my day 💚💖(/nf)

dude i feel you on these new episodes. wtf is going on over there. anyways, i’ll gladly dump this 10 ton stack of headcanons on you that i wrote down!! Marie Antoinette: 

loves hyperpop and 90s house music. she’s so slay (i have a playlist lol)

into european weirdo cinema like Gaspar Noe’s but she also likes chick flicks (her fave films are Climax (2018), Daisies (1966), and But I’m A Cheerleader (1999).)

frequents on lolita forums and goes to really shady places just to get cute lolita items.

has absolutely mastered voguing. super into ballroom culture.

has a pet borzoi (those groovy long-nosed dogs.) her name is “Vanille” and Marie loves her dearly.

wants to study fashion. she especially loves Vivienne Westwood and Moschino.

Jesús Cristo:

is a juggalo, and he indoctrinated Van Gogh into it as well.

says “it is what it is” at any minor inconvenience.

had a mental crisis at 13 as a product to the stress of living up to his clone father. similar to joan’s breakdown in s1e3 but 10x worse. he tries to ignore it when people bring it up.

designated driver on any road trip. for some reason.

into bands like The Cure whilst also bopping to Cypress Hill.

his fave video game is Parappa the Rapper.

accidentally punching holes/nails into his hand is a common occurrence. seems like it just keeps happening, so he’s learned to just roll with it. he’s also a pretty good nurse bc of it.

Marilyn Monroe:

is always down for the school play. BUT she usually just does script-writing and tech. 

into conspiracy theories and video essays. (all gorgeous gorgeous girls love video essays).

is a dedicated Britney Spears and Gwen Stefani stan.

SO “COQUETTE LIZZY GRANT DIOR RETRO” in her fashion choice.

she also gives “elle woods from legally blonde” vibes. straight A student right here.

CERTIFIED GIRLBOSS <3

Thomas Edison:

is obsessed with American Psycho (2000). he has a poster in his room and he’s weirdly obsessed with Christian Bale (very 🍎🍉🍊 of him, but he always excuses it with “oh no, i just idolize and worship him. there’s absolutely nothing gay ab it.” he’s lying.)

also he’s SUCH a pretentious film bro. he has a whole library of stupid film facts shoved in the back of his mind (im totally not projecting).

he only listens to: 80s new-wave stuff like New Order, Oingo Boingo, Beastie Boys, & Talking Heads OR Lana del Rey. There is no in between.

he worked (past-tense bc that shit is GONE in 2023) at a blockbuster video store next to the mall and he liked being a total bitch to people about it (example: “you really rented this shit? this movie sucks, dude”)

after getting unfreezed, he was ECSTATIC over how easy pirating movies is nowadays.

Napoleon Bonaparte:

member of the speech/debate club and he is THE WORST TO BE PAIRED WITH. he’s foaming at the mouth the moment someone gives a rebuttal he didn’t think of. some meetings end in him trying to beat up someone. 

into 80s rock like Metallica and Black Sabbath. he has an electric guitar. he also FUCKING LOVES ABBA AND JAMIROQUAI. like… too much.

unlawfully good at Just Dance. he absolutely fucks it up on the dance floor.

adores fantasy films like Conan (1982) and The Never-Ending Story(1984). he’s so lame/ pos.

he bakes really well. that’s all he’s got going for him.

he either found his napoleonic military uniform at party city or at a thrift store with Marie Antoinette; his story changes depending on who he’s talking to.

he cut his own hair when he was 14. the following conversation after he did so was with caesar, and it was just the haircut scene from fleabag . he then continued to keep his stupid haircut to what it is now.

is a hopeless romantic. he can make up entire love poems & sonnets in his head about a girl he’s crushing on, but literally cannot talk to people without sounding like a douchebag unless he’s super comfortable w/ them.

Ivan the Terrible:

is an avid deftones, sewerslvt, & duster listener (i, unfortunately, ALSO have a playlist.)

spends his nights scrolling on 4chan and arguing w/ people. him & topher have accidentally argued w/ each other AT LEAST 5 times.

literally refuses to take off his ushanka in any weather. it doesn’t matter to him if it’s 90 degrees, that thing is staying ON.

kins Travis Bickle and Shinji Ikari. i mean, just look at this dude and how he presents himself. average NGE & Taxi Driver enjoyer/ hj.

fave video games are Postal 2 and osu!. he plays osu! phenomenally, to the point where it’s impressive. (pls put that energy into a job or something).

and yea that’s all the energy i have to write this down :]

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

I vibe with hyperfixating w/ characters. To varying degrees I’ve fixated on: Armin from AOT for a while, 1D had a DEATH GRIP on me for a few years, (SEVEAL book characters through my teen years)I had an Alucard from castlevania fixation for maybe 3 ish years (‘ending’ only recently) and now Hobes lives in my head rent free ngl.

I get the “being sad cuz you can’t meet them” part, I’ve felt it. I try to not daydream TOO much cuz otherwise it takes over my life and I’m doing a considerable effort to live OUT of my own head, but BOI do I LOVE just daydreaming about my blorbos of choice.

I don’t speak too much about it (mostly the daydreaming) cuz to an extent it feels like a “me thing” (like something I don’t wanna share with anyone cuz it’s special to me), but if given the chance I DO info dump on my fixations.

I don’t think it’s cringe, not at all. These things are stuff that helps us process the world and our experiences with it. I believe everyone has sensitive weird shit that they don’t talk about, but if there’s something Ive learned is that we hardly ever have completely unique experiences. Most people just hide their oddness. Fandom being a prime example of how much our blorbos can mean to us. I think it’s okay and normal. (Until it goes overboard and people send idk violent messages to others because they headcanon something differently idk, the unreasonable stuff imo)

Can’t believe our of everything people would dare to make JOY and INTEREST the things with negative connotations. Being mean should be cringe, being a bully should be embarrassing. But unashamedly enjoying stuff?? That’s wonderful.

Anyone too embarrassed of their own vulnerability that they deal with it by making others feel bad about their interests are the most immature out if all of us.

Joy is everything that’s good with the world.

Even just seeing the letter 1D makes me wanna scream (in a good way!!) cause it takes me back to high school lol 1D was a bit older than me so my grade had Mindless Behaviour (does anyone remember them, where they even popular) but I remember the days where 1D was like the definition of summer songs

And I can totally understand the 'me thing'. Like I never really spoke about it but I felt like I knew my daydreams were more substantial or vivid than the 'average person' so to say.

Or when I spoke about characters to other people, I understood that neurotypicals likes characters, but they often didn't see them as fully formed 'persons' in the way I do - as to say, they didn't speculate or see emotional backstory, connections, or their behavior the way I did.

I never really shared any of my daydreams because like - I can't even get into it that's like asking someone to explain Star Wars to someone who doesn't even know space travel exists.

I grew up in a time on the internet where self-inserts and OC were seen as cringe, and someone would be very quick to call out 'Mary-Sue's (or flawless OCs) whenever they could.

It's not like that now - but in juxtaposition to canon x canon shipping, that bias is still there I feel like. Like it, as a work of fandom art has less 'value' that art or fics of canon only characters

It kinda bums me out still.

I think OC and daydreams and self-indulgent inserts are all the best part of fandom because it's the purest way of fans connecting with content on a personal level.

I'm happy that I see more people pushing back on that lately. Like after years of seeing people viciously hate furries when most of them seem like very nice, fun people, it's refreshing for people to be like 'nah, actually this thing is cool. and im gonna spend of time and/or money on this thing cause i makes me happy;

like you remember when the new Star Wars movie trailers came out and that dude reacted to it and he was moved to tears and people made fun of him??

yeah fuck everyone else that dude knows whats up.

Like yes, openly cry to your faves. Fantasize deep meaningful daydreams that help you process your feelings. Draw your OC with them, or learn every single thing their is to know about them.

That's why I wanted to talk about this. Because I've never heard it spoken about before. Maladaptive daydreaming, yes - and that can be harmful. But I hardly ever hear people talk about the basic mundane experience of it - or even how it can enrich our lives and help us emotionally develop of neurodivergent people.

When I think of it that way, it's something that makes me happy. I don't think I'll ever be able to describe it fully, and that's the point. Our stories are private to us, not because theyre embarrassing, but because they're so us that to even describe it would like describing a new world top to bottom

I love it. It's what makes humans humans.

[tokuteasings]

Dating: Kureshima Mitsuzane, Kureshima Takatora

Warnings: Gaim spoilers, Micchy’s VERY questionable behavior...I love these bois more than I love myslef okay???? Don’t judge me, Micchy is also one of my first KR crushes lol. 

Kureshima Mitzusane

Micchy is such a sweet boi okay?? Dating him is a dream. Depending on whether or not you know his background, it doesn’t change much other than where you meet him after school. If you know who he really is, you tend to wait for him at the school gates where he perks up and runs to you with a brisk step, ignoring the stares he gets and the first thing he grabs is your hands. “I’m back, thank you for waiting for me.” he would say, like he’s coming home to you. If you don’t know who he is, you tend to meet him at the Team Gaim hideout and similarly, he perks up way more here. The first thing he grabs when he sees you is…well…you! He brings you into a sweet and saccharine hug that is tight and his cheeks are flushed that he’s showing this to the people around you (Kouta and Mai are fist-bumping and the rest are giggling) but he whispers to you that he’s so glad to see you!!!!

Micchy is also a pretty good cook, and tends to make his own lunches and for you! He brings like these decorated couple bentos to the Gaim hideout for you and him and others pout and whine that they can’t get his cooking but he has extra food for them. You just get the cute and best ones! Sure, he has fine dining experience but Micchy adores more so lowkey dishes that aren’t full of like the best of the best but like…shit that just fucking tastes good. It’s why you often catch him munching on chips or something because he rarely has them back home in his manor. You tend to carry around new whack ass flavors for the two of you to try together! It almost becomes a game for you two, to find new things you both can try and how to react to them lol. Secretly loves it when you feed him even though he’s blushing and dying. 

This isn’t me projecting (it is) but Micchy looks so good in earrings!!!!!! He has his ears pierced and he tends to wear like simple studs but if you have other earrings for him to try out, he’s happy to do so! He actually has a collection of stuff you buy for him, kept locked away in a little jewelry box and sorts them out daily. Shopping trips together always end up going to like some sort of artsy store with handmade earrings and Micchy picking out matching things for the two of you to wear! He’s also kind of obsessed with matching couples things. His fave pair are these grape shaped studs (lol) that you got for him for his birthday! Micchy never fucking takes them off and they’re his most prized possession. You will pry these damn earrings off of his COLD DEAD BODY-

Oh dude Team Gaim is your family now. Dude they have to give Micchy the "talk" and Kouta is just right there sitting down with Micchy, slightly shaking his shoulders and saying: “Treat them right, okay, Micchy? Like, we all trust you but here’s the ins-and-outs of dating. You need to do this and not that-” Listen Kouta sees you as his baby sibling now, he’s going to ask every day if you two are treating each other right. Mai is like your personal hype girl because whenever you and Micchy share like a kiss in front of the others she’s like “Kyaaa~!” and hides her eyes but peeks through her fingers but also she helps you get ready for dates! The entire team has your back now and are those kinds of friends that are like: “GOOD LUCK GETTING LAID TONIGHT!!!” or “YEAAAH YOU GET ‘EM!!!” and are just over the top embarrassing siblings. Micchy highkey keeps dates away from them for a reason because you two will end up a blushing mess. But blushing Micchy is a sight lemme tell ya-

Public affection!!!!!!! He isn’t really shy about it since he loves you ooooh so much but it’s more along the lines of he’s reserved. He does get all blushy whenever you do public affection towards one another but he’s happy to do it! He has this cute n giddy lil smile to him that makes him eager for more! He’ll lean into each and every kiss you give him and it’s so cute?? Like a puppy or cat just trying to never let you stop petting them. He also demands holding hands whenever he goes, fingers laced together. He will also uh, keep you a secret from his brother and family…and in general, he won’t tell Takatora shit so….yeah. He’s very protective of you if Takatora is in the picture. Also you need to give him kisses at timely intervals. He’s better at hiding his poutiness than say like…Kouta but he’s much more direct with it via texts. Sending you little emojis and kaomojis, asking when he’ll see you again.

Speaking of! Micchy is in general, protective of you. Not just because you two are Riders but because of…well…his darker traits. I mean we all saw how he acts. He has half considered taking your belt away in order to keep you out of this entire fight but listen, you are going to fight with him until the fucking end. In the everyday scenario, Micchy tends to put himself between you and whatever aggressor you have. You can take care of yourself thank you very much. It’s similar in battle, really. It’s very obvious that Micchy is looking out for you. He trusts your skills in battle, don’t get me wrong, but Micchy simply wants to be there for you. He has his weapon in hand at all moments, you in the corner of his eye, and shoots down any and all opposition that attempts to attack you. He’s scared of losing you to this invasion, yes, but perhaps even more so because…he had something to do with it. The sins of his brother are his own, in a way. But Micchy sends out praise during your fights together, lil quips to ensure you keep going.

Actually, arguments are going to become a problem between the two of you. Especially if Micchy goes downhill. He’s desperate to keep you safe and this will turn into a screaming match or even a fight between ideals with possible belts in play. Normally, Micchy will need a moment to himself to plot things out and come to you to talk things out. Because he’s a thinker most of all and most of his issues are kept in his head. Half of the time he doesn’t want to bother you with things he’s thinking. But if he does have a problem, he will let you know after thinking it over and how to best approach a situation. Normally he wants to come to the best conclusion with you, looking for a solution. But like this? With his head thinking of humanity and betraying you…it’s going to be difficult. There will be tears shed, hoarse throats and things left unsaid. It’s an almost break-up at this point. You can see that it took a lot of guts for Micchy to do this, and he doesn’t mean to hurt you and but…it’s what he decided. He offers his hand to you, to join him and whether or not you take that hand is up to you…

Back to cute stuff, Micchy enjoys cuddles in all forms! He has to have you in his arms whenever you two are together. He has his arm wrapped around you in some sort of manner, around your waist so he can pull you into a quick hug but hand holding is his fave! Micchy’s fave dates are lowkey ones and sure he may have like loads of money to gift you shit, his prime forms of affection are “words of affirmation” and “time spent together”. Micchy loves private dates and sure he may take you out to eat but most of the time he asks you to pick an idea for a date. Sure he has lived in Takatora’s shadow but is also free to do his own thing, but Micchy loves the lil look in your eyes whenever you get passionate about something. If you ask him to pick a date, Micchy will want to do something chill. Maybe a walk in the park or an arcade romp together if he’s feeling frisky. Study dates can also be a thing if you two make it possible! Kisses are his reward please and thanks!

Slow dances between you two are…well…something Micchy secretly adores. Sure he dances extra hard whenever you watch Team Gaim dance and has a kiss from you before each and every session! It’s like a “break a leg” but in the form of a kiss. Those are hyped up and full of excitement but here? With you in his arms, dancing to a slow rhythm of a slower song, Micchy can let himself float and relax. He sways with you to a beat only you two know and he can let all of his worries disappear. You’re here with him, close to him. You’re not going to leave and he won’t let you leave. It’s a music to his entire soul, having you against him like this. You’ll do like lil twirls every now and then and maybe Micchy will dip you or you dip him but…just let him have this for a while alright?

Loving Micchy is like a soured wine. You think it’ll taste good but it’s sour to your tongue but finishes off smoothly and it gets the job done right of getting you drunk. Micchy…doesn’t believe he deserves forgiveness after what he has done - done to hurt his friends and you especially. So there is a good chance you two have separated by this point. He just…fades. He doesn’t want to bother you with him and his sorrows anymore, to atone for these sins is something he must bear all alone. But you need to remind him that he isn’t alone. He may grieve alone, atone alone, but you want to be there for him. He’ll cry, sob and keep this uncomfy distance between you two. It’s up to you if you want to forgive him or not, or even stay by his side because he knows he doesn’t deserve you. But even then, it doesn’t hurt to still be by his side. He’s still human, he makes mistakes, and most of all…Micchy is Micchy. It’s going to be a healing process for the two of you but Micchy still loves you, that’s why he had to let you go…

Kureshima Takatora

It’s going to take a loooong ass time before Takatora even dates someone, let alone has feelings! He falls in love slowly and he has so many things to do that romance really isn’t in the forefront of his mind. So if anything, it’s this blurred line between friendship and romance and even Takatora doesn’t notice that he loves you until it’s either too late or Ryouma or Sid points it out. That’s when it clicks to him. It’s those moments when he stays up late just to talk to you, chuckling into the phone or smiling softly through texts. Or just when he’s looking forward to his super rare off-days to be with you and how his eyes tend to wander and wonder to your lips and your hands. It’s when he notices little things about you and buys you lunch or you bring him lunch at the building. It’s the smiles and butterflies you give him or the twinkle in your eyes when you talk about something you like - and it hits Takatora all at once. 

So really, dating Takatora is going to be fraught with difficulty. He’s an exceptionally busy man after all so dates will be very sparse. He will always make time to text you “Good morning.” and “Good night.” he doesn’t send emojis and tends to be rather formal all things considered. But he also tends to send you texts with updates that are short and sweet, or sometimes photos (badly taken lol) of things that remind him of you. Sometimes it’s just the skyline of Zawame City on a particularly sunny day and you may be confused by Takatora. Takatora will just probably say something corny without realizing it (it took him a long time to figure out what to say) “It reminded me of you, bright and beautiful.” or “We should go on a picnic the next time I am off.” just simple random thoughts that flow through his mind. 

Speaking of off-days, those are EXTREMELY rare but there is nothing that is going to get between him and you. Sure he has emergencies but he is always trying to find a way to make up the dates. It’s no secret that he tends to take you to a fancy dinner every now and then and picks you up in his own personal car, dressed in his best suit and maybe a flower/bouquet for you (he’s traditional) and kisses your hand reverently when you come to greet him. Okay sure, you may get some looks but like…Takatora doesn’t fucking care. Let the rumors fly, let the paparazzi come after you (if they try, Takatora will just shut them the fuck up), and let them try to separate you. You’re a power couple. Though at first, Takatora will honestly try to keep the relationship on the down-low. It’s not like trying to keep you a secret (half of the staff are aware already and ship it anyway) but more so love happens. Plus, why the fuck are people trying to pry into your personal relationships anyway? It’s dumb and stupid. So Takatora will take things in stride and of course, protect you from the media whenever possible. 

If you’re a Rider like he is, Takatora personally takes time out of his day to train with you. It’s a date in a way, sparring and all (you’re treated to his gorgeous visage after all and this is an easy way to lead to makeout sessions uwu) and patching each other up afterwards, sharing water bottles and grabbing bites to eat (feeding each other). But Takatora trusts you to watch his back and for him to watch yours. It’s a synchronized dance that only the two of you know and you don’t even need to communicate verbally to do so. But seeing as Takatora has a shield on him, he tends to toss it towards you more often than not whenever you’re in a pinch. It’s not his weapon, not yours, but ours. He tends to also dive in to take hits for you, hiding you behind his shield more often than not. You do the same to him and the two of you cover each other’s weaknesses oh so perfectly. It’s practised ease and almost psychic how the two of you can mold together so well. 

As the traditional man that he is, Takatora tends to keep an arm around your waist or a hand against the small of your back. As such, public affection is a warm sensation that really is kept at a minimum. Though Takatora can’t help but let his eyes dart towards your form every now and then. It’s not so much kisses (other than the occasional pecks in the hallways or his office) but more so existing in the same space together. It’s sort of first nature for him, to place his hand at the small of her back and be a support for you because he’s a support to the city and he wants to help you as well. But if you do the same to him he has this slump to his shoulders, these wrinkles that disappear and he leans into your touch just slightly. It’s tiny little things for Takatora. That being said, you gotta initiate most of the public affection if you want lol. You have to be his support.

Dates are mostly when Takatora needs to leave his mansion. Sure he doesn’t mind staying in but more often than not, he wants to spend time outside with you or some space with you. It’s probably sometimes at your place because there are not many places where Takatora can lower his guard. Your home smells like you, has you in it, and Takatora tends to spend nights there whenever he can. Other than that, dates will consist of hand-holding and long walks in the park, or going to a very quiet cafe and hiding in the most hidden booth. If you two do go to a fancy dinner date, Takatora ensures complete and total privacy for the two of you. But more often than not, dates are your home or out somewhere in nature. He loves going to museums and botanical gardens the most, wanting to preserve human life and its memory as much as possible. Also because he just likes flowers lol. 

Takatora’s love language is time spent together, gift giving, and touch no matter how small it is. What his touch and kisses convey are better than his words or texts without tone. Of course he takes his time spent with you seriously but gift giving is a strange sort of thing. You could think that he’s buying your affections but it’s the little gifts that are full of sentiment that you appreciate. Sometimes he thinks about buying you the most expensive jewelry that he knows will compliment you but he will take a picture and ask if you want it (you decline most of the time) but the gifts are mostly take out foods from places you both like and are balanced healthy meals. He neglects to eat sometimes himself and he appreciates it whenever you show up on his lunch break with actual food for him to eat (or together) and he tends to eat out more often than not. So his gifts are things that are practical like a mug or a warm jacket but more often than not it’s food. 

Takatora’s bed is always so empty and expansive, the weight of the world threatening to overtake him and swallow him into the deep dark abyss. It’s why he can never sleep, or like…doesn’t fucking sleep. He can only really sleep whenever he drinks a little or when he’s straight up dead. Because everything haunts him. His sins, his future, you…what would happen if…no, he doesn’t want to think about it. But he does. He thinks of what-ifs and the dreaded ends and worst-case scenarios so you need to quiet him. It’s why he can only sleep whenever you’re by his side and not in his mansion home but in your bed. It brings him comfort, lulls him to sleep because it’s you. Let him be the little spoon, let him relax, let him just be Takatora - not Kureshima Takatora, not Kamen Rider Zangetsu. Let him listen to your heart and let it lull him to a dreamless slumber. You’ll wake up in the reverse position sometimes, you in his arms and he kisses you awake because he’s an early riser but the moments when you wake up with him in your arms and kiss him awake…or just watch him be at peace…are the best moments. 

Arguments are going to be tough. It’s a calm experience and Takatora tends to keep to himself most of the time. He’s honest so he’ll tell you what’s wrong but he tends to let it…simmer and bubble within him. He’s worried he’ll cause some distress to you in any sort of aspect. The arguments are mostly about him trying to be better or to let you carry his burden too! He cannot do this alone. It’s going to make him crumble one day. They end with a mutual agreement and he makes good on these, to be better for you. It’s going to be a slow process but he’s doing his best.

Oh, loving Takatora is loving an aged and perfectly fermented wine. It gets you fucked up, but it feels so fucking good drinking it. Takatora’s a careful lover and one that wants to go steady once marriage is on the table. Of course, he tends to wait a long time before it can occur. He’s…scared, to jump these lines. But he’s working on redemption. He’s working on bettering himself, bettering this city you both call home. He’s recovering from wounds and scars that litter his entire form and you’re going to grow with him and heal with him. You two are flowers that bloom out of concrete, strong and powerful and nothing is going to stop either of you. You still fight together, do everything together…but Takatora has this weight lifted off of him now. He smiles more, he’s more affectionate, he eventually asks if you want to move into his home or him into yours. He wants to be with you, no matter what. You are his wine at the end of a long and hard day…someone to come home to and relax with. 

[queen-beefcake-sqx]

Ask game, feel free to comment for both fandoms please or skip for one.

2,6,7,9 16, 17, 21, 22,

I'm going to like.... jump around to whatever fandom I feel like for each question.

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

Okay so I did this for Disco Elysium so -- He Xuan would never bottom. My compelling argument is he told me personally. Next question.

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

I'm sorry but all ya'll Qi Rong fans who keep trying to find him a boyfriend... I support you, but maybe go stand over there? please????

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Again, did this one for Disco Elysium, so again tying into the above answer... Qi Rong is a character I'd like to be able to spend more braincells thinking about, because I think there COULD be some interesting meta I could make about him, but the fandom seems to have a very predetermined way of thinking about him and writing him that makes it so hard for me to want to engage.

9. worst part of canon

I feel like I can't speak on DE just because I haven't finished or explored it as thoroughly as I'd like to yet. For MXTX books... God I'll be so honest it was silly and fun the first time, but I cringe rereading the whole Statue Mecha scene near the end of TGCF. It's so ridiculous and outlandish that it breaks emersion for me a bit.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Okay, I'll be SO HONEST -- as someone who's come to better accept his trans masc-ness because of Kim Kitsuragi -- I'm kind of shocked at the sheer amount of trans!Kim fics. And I guess there's a part of me squinting at it going, "Isn't there something a little weird about ascribing transmasculinity to a character who -- in the real world -- is part of a race that's often feminized (the "pretty Asian boy" stereotype) and is visually the most slender and short of the male characters? Like? That feels a little weird to me, ya'll..."

(Like, not saying stop, I get it, and the fanfics handle it really well on the whole, but also like... I think it's worth asking ourselves (1) WHY Kim gets this treatment over Harry or another character and (2) WHAT kinds of queerness we're ascribing onto characters. Especially in light of stuff like me seeing KimHarry on a yuri poll.... like. come on ya'll. A tiny bit of critical thinking) (and again. not saying "don't write queer characters" but maybe like... consider diversifying your options).

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

Tip Top Racer Kim. Why the fuck are none of you writing Tip Top Racer Kim Kitsuragi AUs. Why. Where's the art. Where's Kim in tight fitting racing uniform huh??? (which. uh. if anyone has a good artist you'd recommend for a commission....) (I am LEGALLY obligated to drop my favorite DE fic now just so you all can see THE POTENTIAL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/40802268) Also not enough Jean crossdressing fics, send tweet. That blonde wig is all I think about and there's so much unresolved in that choice....

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

In Disco Elysium, who the FUCK are these student communist dudes everyone is talking about because I LITERALLY haven't seen them.

Also for TGCF, the underwater kiss scene. The actual kiss is honestly secondary to me to EVERYTHING ELSE happening in that moment because people seem to forget how INSANE the circumstances are.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores Oh for my MXTX fandoms that's easy -- I am easily the second most Beefleaf brain rot person you'll ever meet and the Black Water Arc of TGCF is everything to me. Everyone always talks about the climax and the beheading and sure that's cool but the BUILD UP? The visit to Fu Gu and watching the performance of He Xuan's massacre? The Truth or Dare game in the temple? The foreshadowing with the Water and Wind master statues? The visit to Shi Qingxuan's terrace and the poetry written there? BREAKING SQX OUT OF HER PALACE BECAUSE SWD IMPRISONED HER? AND THEN SQX WALKING AWAY FROM YUSHI HUANG'S FARM AFTER "MING YI" TRIES TO GET HER TO STAY BEHIND? None of you talk enough about the LENGTHS He Xuan went to to try to avoid getting SQX involved in SWD's death and it makes me ABSOLUTELY INSANE ON A DAILY BASIS!!! I am chewing on glass about this!!!!

[evilsaturn]

I’m the biggest cyber stalker in the world and don’t gaf so I frequently check up on people from my past. It’s so fun I completely embrace being nosy. I will forever gossip about everyone I’ve ever met in my entire life with my gf and no one can stop me.

With that being said, most of my ex-friends are still stuck in the same parasocial relationships with k-pop singers that we had in our teen years, but the obsession is so much more intense than ever. I didn’t think it would get so bad when we’re so grown now.. I’m so glad I got out when I did even though it was still late. You can’t tell me this shit isn’t a cult.

The Scorpio who would always imply women that like younger boys are pedophiles is now the women in question. 25, every idol she stans now is younger than her and one of them is even born in 2007. She collects k-pop merch big time now, throws celebration fan events for k-pop groups at cafés, and even lies about her age to her followers so they think she’s a year younger 😭 Genuinely have no clue what difference a year makes but LMAO? Lies about her race too, which is nuts because strangely enough she has a younger sister on stan twitter that just admits she’s white! This bitch pretends she’s Japanese!

The Aries is a full time k-pop TikToker. Kinda successful but she lives in the UK so I don’t even think she’s paid off it..? Stalking her is waaay less interesting though because she’s mega fake on all of her public accounts. Went from one of the most hateful stans you could meet in your life to someone so in love with k-pop you’d mistake her for a shameless Korean fetishist (maybe she is?). She loves every group and idol and goes sooo hard for her faves. Bragging about spending thousands on idols ($700+ on merch in a day… LMAO?), flying to Korea every year, stalking celebs and so much more omg. I’m 90% sure she’s a sociopath or narcissist, but at the same time I’m not sure if someone with those personality disorders could participate in so much celebrity worship? She’s super obsessed with western celebrities too. Her whole life is being a fan… also in her mid 20s. She used to talk about her parents being emotionally stunted or something so maybe she searches for the love she didn’t get from them in celebs, but fuck it’s intense. At the same time I know for a fact she talks crazy about her faves, she has to have an Aries Mercury or something because she just says fucking anything. An odd thing she would always do is stalk a celeb or do whatever she could to get an interaction from them, but then act like it was a burden to her or like she didn’t want it to happen. But yeah I think she has to have one of those personality disorders for sure because I don’t think a normal person is able to just exploit themselves like that in so many ways…or pretend to be someone else FOR FREE!? She also doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings (or when she does, there’s a rationale behind it that sounds out of touch) and she doesn’t care about what people say about her. I genuinely feel like if she read this she would feel nothing. Even if it came from her fave 💀

Lastly, the Aquarius. Sexually harassed and suicide baited her mutuals in the past (including minors) to now obsessing over Korean and Japanese guys all day and following them around the WORLD. Flights booked year round to countries all over Europe and Asia. Super sexual with all of her mutuals to the point she even has a nsfw warning about it in her carrd. But hey, at least she’s warning people now instead of just forcing herself onto them. She’s also mid 20s.

They all have this weird thing in common where they tweet “I work full time to fund my obsession with [insert group]” and it’s sooo strange to me. Thousands of dollars spent on someone else’s happiness, or to feel like they care about you. It’s like when dudes draining their pockets on AI chicks and catfishes on Facebook, not exactly like that but still like what the fuck?? How does this bring you happiness? I never spent nearly as much as them, but how the fuck did it bring me happiness? The shit is so fucking pitiful.

You can also tell they’re aging out reallll bad because one, the Scorpio is lying about her age 😭 but the big one is when you look at their mutuals and who they interact with it’s all people years younger. Their friends (and faves) just get younger and younger because that’s who the kpop audience is.

[ray-the-fanatic]

The good the bad and Casey Jones 2012

- Casey's a nerd and I love him just wiritng in his journal about him becoming a hero

- Casey talking to himself "who do ya think you are a ninja" this boys such a dork I love him

- I love Raph targeting Donnie first in the last standing fight just cause donnies all "I still see the spots from last time"

- the fact this epsiode is one after Slash and destroy and showing raph really reflecting on his anger he's been shown how it can turn him into a monster and how raphs trying to understand what's going on with himself ;3;

- I apperacite that they made thr city feel alive with people walking around all the time

- Casey being spooked by a rat xD

- okay but casey clear knocked over a dude at least twice his size with one hickey puck? Why are we constantly ignoring how strong this twig is!

- also Casey intro to this dragon fight is actually cool him wearing all place do his mask really looks like a skull

- I just love this fight it shows hiw casey I'd a street fighter he's not trained at all just raw angry hitting with blunt objects. I could better got in to his fighting but I'm not gonna at the moment I'd rather like break down all the charater if I did again I just apperiacte the effort for this detail

- the boy have met at last!!!

- "another mutant!" "What are some kind of turtle ninja" "Okay you lizard thing"

Casey your just being rude you litteral said what Raph was xD

- THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING

Casey is someone who has never been in a real fight raph who's had maybe 14 years' worth of ninaj training and casey giving him trouble, and I dunno that's something to admire about Casey in thud fight cause he meet blow got blow woth raph

- man I could watch raph and casey fight over and over actually its really good

- casey: I knew we were fighting, but imma still say your throwing stars are cool

Gotta admit the throwing stars are pretty cool

Raph let me show you my sai!

Boys please stop flirting

- casey just casually Taunting raph through out this fight as if this mutant turtle is fucking throwing and slamming him around

-I just really love when Casey first shows off his saktes and how it guve him and advantage over raph cause it makes him faster and mkre agile

- raph two seconds from stabbing casey in the eye good story to tell when they talk about how they met xD

- "Yeah you run away or skeet! Whatever!" Ya you tell gimme raph

- Donnie just happily sitting on the couch ready to watch TV:D

- raph trying to apologize to Leo ;3; he really trying here and he can't help but get irratatied because he's struggling to talk and not really getting a chance

- you know for a guy that took a beating that had him sore still three days later casey at least able to move around just fine

- oh he spotted Raph and followed him home. Casey litteraly thr stray that picked raph uwu

- "anger issue I don't got anger issues maybe they got anger issues I git a PhD in anger issues!" Raph xD

- "Oh yay raphs back" I love how low donnies voice is when he says that

- rip Casey's mask off casey just "bleeeah" like a fucking zombie xD

- "its fave paint!" Did Leo think that was just casey face xD

- shipper in me maybe I just like that April picks to introduce raph to casey by "the one and only Raphael."

- "so the turtles are all Italian?" Gonna ignore some things there but gonna say i love casey once again xD

- Casey's fear of rats only to display raphs fear of bugs parallels uwu

- they look so funny in this show when they retract into thier shells xD raph looks lole a green bean in a turtle shell xD

- "its the kids fault he followed me!" Raph caseu is older than you xD

- "they followed you too dude!" "Don't dude me dude!" They are stupid and I love them

- it such a small detsuk but caseynusing scary paint to mark the specific foot bot they needed so they wouldn't lose track of him

- they are fight the whole time but even at odds you are being show how well they actually work together here

- THE TRAIN SCENE!!!!!!

Casey asked if raph was okay and raphs little soft thanks;3; this scene kills me it's one of my favorites for then

- raph saving casey from almost falling off the train and Casey's "thanks raph" they aren't even friends yet and he's already calling them that ;3; ahhh guys my heart can't take this!!!

- also that smile raph flashes Casey's way when saying they are even

- I love the chase scene because as it gose on you see these two slowly going from at odds to working together ending with raph throwing casey to stop the foot bot bot with his taser

- like you see them starting to cover the others weak points and I just ahhhhh

- " your raw unfocused dangerous crazy, but not bad"

"Thanks your not so bad yourself" arm wrestling to hold hands "for an amphiana"

- raph and casey bonding over the chase they just got back from uwu casey casually resting his elbow on raph ;3;

- "wow what's with you guys you like best friends forever now?" Mikeys younger sibling jealously is showing

- I dunno I jist love raph playing it cool and just being all yay Casey's pretty cool as of he wasn't just all excited and joyfully talking with Casey a second ago

- raph and casey already talking about getting into more fights together now slamming thier heads together and all "yeeeeah" I love them so much

[tinandabin]

How would yanderes Tanjiro and Kokushibou(Separate) react to reader winning some prestigious award or something and some famous dude like a singer or something hugs her in front of all the people and now there’s gossip circulating around that she and the famous dude are dating? I got this idea from one of my fave Disney shows of all time Wizards of Waverly place

Sorry for getting to this late!! :))

Tanjiro--

It was never specified if they have already kidnapped you or not so I will be making Tanjiro the one who already kidnapped you!

You were literally begging him, even said that you would stay with him without any struggle for a week if he managed to make you meet your favourite famous artist.

I mean, he was having a meet-and-greet so really.

Plus Tanjiro is rich too.

Tanjiro was excited at the offer of you staying with him for a week without any struggle, and he was about to take you there but....it's a dude.

And to bribe him more, you changed the time to a week and a day! :)

He accepted.

So here you are, waiting for your turn to meet the famous artist.

And because Tanjiro is rich-rich, you had been able to buy most of his merch, ( do they exist in this period or even meet-and-greet? )

Now, here you are hugging your favourite artist!! You feel ready to faint and descend to heaven because fuck, this shit does not happen everyday.

You also used to be an artist. Until Tanjiro had gone bonkers and kidnapped you.

You were famous too! But not as much as him but hey!

Guess what! The artist recognised you as the artist who he had taken inspiration from.

And you are ECSTATIC.

So rumours start forming that maybe, or most likely, the famous artist has a crush on the retired artist who stopped their career due to unknown circumstances, more like kidnapping but whatever.

And because of Tanjiro's great sense of smell, he is always ahead of the latest gossip!

Meaning, he probably knows about what...is happening.

He is jealous. More protective. Possessive. Sad. Angry.

Maybe insecure too!

To stop him from killing your favourite artist, you have to comfort him 24/7 even though you are the one who has been kidnapped.

Maybe the next time you both go to another of his meet-and-greet he would come with you and in front of everyone kiss you to tell everyone, especially the artist, to fuck off.

He seems to be the one who would give someone a warning first to back off and if they don't, then well. They could be dead. Never mind, they are dead.

"I'm doing this for us. Please understand, love." ~ Tanjiro Kamado

Kokushibo-

For Kokushibo, he hasn't kidnapped you yet nor have you ever seen him.

And so you are have been invited to a party with other famous people, kind of like a ball but at the same time not.

But anyway, as always Kokushibo is stalking you and decides to go into his human form and enter the party saying he is a demon slayer and that there have been sightings of a demon.

Now, they will probably not believe him but actually, Kokushibo has been hiding in this place and well, people have been going missing. Many demon slayers were sent but they never returned.

He is upper moon 1 for a reason.

So, they let him in hoping if a demon or whatever they call it does come he will be able to protect him.

All was well until the famous singer asked you to dance with him and for the appearance you accepted, no worries, you liked this singer a lot.

All the while Kokushibo in his mind was like, 'I will kill that singer.' 'Die.' 'Murder.' 'Kill kill kill.' 'Say bye to life because you gonna die.'

And when the famous singer even goes as far as to invite you to his...bedroom that was his breaking point.

Bam. He is in his demon form now and all the people present are dead, except for the famous singer and you.

Kokushibo grabs you and whacks you out as he starts his torture with the singer.

Next time you wake up, you are in a cave type place as six eyes are staring at you from the darkness.

I shit you not, you almost died by seeing that and did not wake up for 3 days.

"Stop acting....like a....brat..." ~ Kokushibo.

MASTERLIST

[muffindaddystyles]

okay but imagine waking up next to soft!dom harry in the middle of the night and snuggling closer to him because you had a nightmare or you just couldn’t get to sleep well and he just kisses you, whispers sweet nothings and holds your hand as he helps you back to sleep

SCAREDY KITTEN Y/N, CLINGY AND MELTING OVER HARRY ALWAYS GONNA BE MY FAVE

Wednesday’s are most tiring for Harry. Shit tons of paperwork, shipping and unloading and then being a visible leader at the workplace to make sure the gang runs efficiently.

Weary and knotty in his muscles Harry dragged himself all the way to the threshold of his house to his room, his comfort space for many reasons— it smells incredibly sweet of his lovie, it’s cosy and the blankets are always toasty with her warmth and the room temperatures's the perfect chilly against your skin, akin to whole house.

“Hi Mushy,” He greets her coarsely, ducking down and a bit to the left of her gaze when she busily mumbles a ‘hi!’ Back with her head stuffed into her books, crossed legs on the chunky silken duvet and blankets.

“No kisses, pretty?” He asks, patting her head gently and she looks up at him. Equally tuckered out and bushed, she’s been trying to solve this stupid stupid algebra and it seems like algebra solved her and kicked her in arse telling her to do this nonsense with someone other.

“Sorry.” She sighs, scurrying to her knees and lifts her bum to plant a soft kiss to his lips instead ends up smashing a sloppy peck to his chin making both of them giggle.

She really thought she was about to get a good sleep, after having a tummy full dinner, doing her night routine with Harry and cleaning the little mess around her room because it keeps on irking her the whole night of otherwise --- she really hoped.

Her hopes were crushed brutally with a bulldozer when Harry knocked out the moment his floppy head hit the pillows, his embrace's homey and his breath melting into her skin makes her wants to learn the pattern mentally and sleep to it— she did.

She almost lulled herself into a light slumber when their whole house shook, the windows squeaked and their bedhead banged against the wall ever loudly from the force of her jolt due to the peal of unexpected thunder.

Y/N hates thunderstorms. It hyperventilates her badly and she’s never able to sleep during them, she might ends up crying or trying to make a clever run god knows where. She’s a science student still her silly and scared brain convinces her that the lightening will fall on them and burn them to ashes.

For a moment it didn’t happen again, replaced with calming patter patter of rain and she was glad she hasn’t woken Harry up. Who’s snoring softly into his pillow, his arms lax around her body and his facial features placid and soft.

There’s an ominous roar again in the sky and this time it fucks her up properly. She whimpers like a puppy shrinking into Harry’s side, eyes bolted shut as she feels her heart pumping in her ears – thumping eerily against Harry’s chest and she gasps, her knees knocking against Harry’s lower abdomen when there’s furious amount of non-stop thundering. Quite funnily he only mutters something incoherent and tucks her further into him.

Y/N’s sleepy, loggy and her scary surroundings doesn’t makes any sense to her and she doesn’t want to wake up Harry.

She’s feeling awfully, small and little and skimpy.

Terrified her eyes blows away when she sees the light-flashing outside scarily bright, “Daddy!” She cries out, latching her elbows around Harry’s neck and her thighs around his waist -- practically haggling the dude into a bendy doll.

“Daddy, daddy, daddy. . .” She mumbles unremittingly into his throat, her tears soaking the crew neck of his shirt -- tummy jolting against him and it stirs Harry, trying to take in his wear-bouts— knuckling the blurriness away from his eyes, he looks down at his lovie in haziness worried something bad happened because last he remembers she was good and about to drool over him. His warm palm gliding up her back, the fabric of her pyjama top bunching in his hold.

It doesn’t took him long to realize why his lovie’s so rucked up, clinging onto him like she depends on him for dear life when another wave of thunder-clapped and she was shoving herself into him with a frightened sob.

“Hey, hey . . Poppy. Daddy’s here. Not g'na let anything happen t’ya, sweet girl.” He whispers, cupping her face with both of his hands and tilts it up gently to look into her scared eyes, he sandwiches her shaky hands in-between his thighs and brings her impossibly closer to him – stroking his thumb over her wobbling wet bottom lip.

“We're gonna die!” She stutters a whiny sniffle hating that this awful thundering wouldn’t stop. Her outburst quirks Harry’s lips into a small smile, his heart oozing with overloaded infatuation for his love who’s just too innocent and cute for her own sake.

He gives her an eskimo kiss, pecking the corner of her salty lips then kissing her mouth tenderly and lovingly, “Said the same thing last time baby.” He calms her down. Rubbing her back, halting at the dip of her hip to massage the soft spot gently.

“Shh, shh, ‘s okay . . . I know it scares my darling so much, hate tha’, wouldn’t want my little’s poor heart to suffer this much would I?” He says groggily, tone coy and affectionate. He brushes the frays falling over her eyes out of shakiness, behind her ear and smooches a kiss to the side of her temple.

A surreal quietness blanketed them, her timid voice breaking through it and Harry smiles foppishly and lazily down at her hands still covering her ears. He tuts caringly when she blinks and glistening moisture collects under her eyebags.

“Sorry, didn’t wanna wake you,” She skootches impossibly closer into him, nuzzling her face in his strong healthy rising chest and he shakes his head petting her hair, “Would’ve been bummed if you didn’t,” He hugs her securely, and she relaxes taking a nourishing breather. Something so protective, safe and warm his huggies makes her feel.

Harry himself is the definition of tenderness, for her.

“Good?” He inquires, pressing his lips to where her neck and shoulder meet—- rubbing his hands up and down her arms smiling assuringly when Y/N hums in meekness.

His head perks up, brows shooting up nonchalantly when Y/N groans again upon all of it starting again and he coos, tightening his hug more compassionately screwing his mind too think of any idea to distract her.

“Would my baby like to keep me inside her, keep daddy warm?” He cuddles her chuckling softly when she buries her face in his neck, fisting the waistband of his joggers out of shyness and quick to bob her head timidly as Harry showers her in tiny sloppy wet fond kisses.

“Hmm. My soft little one.” He murmurs, hooking her panties away and spitting in his palm to squeeze it around his girth and gives himself few pumps before lubricating her with his own precum and eases carefully inside, not to hurt her.

Their temples falls against eachother, whimpers mingling as Harry bottoms out inside her. Balls snug against her bum, his eyes glassy as he nudges her playfully, “Now if we get stoned to death . . atleast it’d be with me cock inside ye',” His belly does a loopy loop upon earning a shy giggle from her (he takes pride in making his lovie laugh) and she moans breathily when he squishes her bum cheek grumbling disgruntled.

“Not letting them see yer bum thou,” She hiccups a giggle, feeling ticklish from all the raspberries he’s blowing at her skin and lapping the sensitive spot then, teasing it dry.

“You’re s’nice to me, I love you.”

“I love you too, my little one.”

Harry’s forever and always gonna be her comfort person.

[grabyourpillow]

So. American gods.

Season 2 and most of the time I'm still like "I have abso-fucking-lutely no idea what any of you people want or what is happening right now or even who you people are.

Summary

What I can say is, every culture that ever set foot in America brought their gods with them. But as a new age rises upon mankind, dominated by non-believers and technology, a new kind of gods threatens the existence of the Old. Will they have it? Or will there be war. And this is already saying... Too much imo.

The characters

So there is our protagonist:

Shadow Moon. What a name. I like him. He gets thrown into a weirdness one could not possibly comprehend and he's like "what the FUCK. Aight I'm intrigued let's keep going" and plays checkers with a dude might-be-a-god but who definitely wants to explode Shadow's brains with a hammer. You go king.

Laura Moon.

Don't worry about her she's fine. Just dead. but fine, except for the smell and the maggots maybe. She is the most ???? Character. Completely unhinged. I love her. She wants blood, and violence. Now she's got superhuman strength. Stomped on a guy's head.

This guy:

A fucking delight of a Leprechaun who swears a lot and drinks a lot and is pissed all the fucking time and gambled his lucky coin away. That is now keeping Laura alive so he has to be with her at all time, for a coin must be given. What a charm (sarcasm) of a guy. Still like him.

What a goddess. What a queen. Has kissed probably every Character in the show(I'm so jealous).

A god from Ghana, shipped to America on the same ship as his people. If I had to pick a fave— let's just say, he'd have good chances. He is well dressed, he is funny as hell, and he is pissed. Rightfully so.

Ilhim so he gets a second picture

This is Salim. Salim is just a nice, guy, He deserves the best. He's looking for the guy he fell in love with. Hope it works out.

One of the new gods. The most insufferable motherfucker you've ever seen in your life. And that's before you've heard him talk. He's pathetic and arrogant, and literally no one respects him. Why do I like him. He has the babygirliest most obnoxious outfits, and his only friend has forgotten him. It's like... Pat pat Cry me a river babygirl but also fucking calm down and have some motherfucking respect.

I've only had this genderfluid native American Person for a day and a half but if anything happened to him/her I would kill everything in the room and then meself.

This is Wednesday. Let's just say. He is behind, a lot of things. Manipulative motherfucker but you'd never know it until you've known him for long enough. He pisses on the tree of life. He has no care in the world. For some reason he needs Shadow Moon.

The show

It's like. Nothing (narratively) is served to you on a silver platter. Stories are told to you, and you have no idea why. You have absolutely no idea at the beginning of a story what it's about, or even if it's important or necessary to the story, or why it's told to you.

(of course it is, but sometimes you don't make the connection until much, much later).

You have no idea who the main character is until like. Mid season 2.

Each time a new episode begins, I checked if I hadn't missed one because the characters are suddenly not where you left them with no explanation whatsoever.

The characters do things and you're like "????" Why tf did you do that? I don't get it? What is the purpose? What is the coherence with your personality or your narrative arc?

But it's just life isn't it? Sometimes shit happens. Sometimes you act on impulse. And it does make sense actually. Only in retrospect.

It's great to see in comparison to the sandman where everything is crafted, every story pulled by the strings of Dream's narration. Here it's just, a mess. A chaos, mingling of feelings, personalities, aspirations, gods from different countries, overlapping stories. And from that chaotic meeting of loose parts emerges the story.

And it's also great to watch in a context where, everything has to be attention grabbing in the first 10 seconds or it's dismissed. Here the story is asking you to trust it. To not seek purpose or quick entertainment but to immerse yourself and just, listen.

I'm not finished yet but I can already sense that it's the kind of work you can rewatch and it's completely different the second time around.

And of course throw in there some "fucking hell this line came into my house through the window, punched me in the face and turned my whole worldview upside down", some beautiful, beautiful cinematic shots, an equal treatment of characters no matter their gender or skin color, and underlying themes and you've got another great work of Neil Gaiman.

[bobayeetroot]

Do you have any fic recs I'm dying I'm STARVING

fear not for i’ve come to feed you! i’ll rec come here, and i’ll also leave u a link to my past recs! (the hashtag #sns fic rec shld take you to the rest of my recs)

- secret love by dhamphir (dhamphire)

multi-chapter

i liked this fic a lot: it’s abt sas as a reticent historian and nart as an a-list celeb. i thought it was pretty good but please keep in mind that this fic is 930K LONG so it’s go big or go home. definitely worth finishing - it’s rly engaging and sweet.

- heights by kazenezumi123

one-shot

(TW!!! implied suicide attempt but no real suicide and depression)

oh it was so good. sasuke is thinking abt ending his life but naruto saves him the day he wants to. they not only fall in love on that roof, but also naruto falls out of a treehouse for sasuke.

- unlikely friends by shrimpette

multi-chapter

was pretty good. nart thought he was a straight and sas puked a lot. also had an interesting but now that i think of it, really realistic take on sasuke’s obsession towards itachi and how he didn’t really have anyone to coax him out of it. that part surprised me at first but truly, it touches on the jarring reality that some children do go through after traumatic events.

- soup’s on by offansandflames

multi-chapter

nart is homeless at first and meets sas as he volunteers @ a soup kitchen in order to avoid gg 2 juvie for breaking sai’s nose. they fall in love n a lot of stuff happen. underaged (16) at first but last 4 (?) chapters aren’t rly - nart is 18, sas is turning 18.

- o romeo, romeo! wherefore art thou an idiot? by skyheaven

multi-chapter

dude so good. romeo and julian. i was literally fangirling. i know i say i hate being a core literature student, but deep down i really don’t. naruto and sasuke are basically childhood enemies - not even rivals - and they fall in love over the course of a play that they both accidentally got the lead parts for.

- allegro by melodicwriter

multi-chapter

very pretty story. ballerina sasuke and naruto is the sweetest boyfriend. basically (i’m not a dancer, have never been. just my personal feelings), gives you a good insight into ballet i think. i went to go watch benno’s solo on youtube because the description sounded so lovely.

- tender weakness by kirahuaisang and loveroffanfiction

multi-chapter

dancer naruto and rich BUT kind sasuke at inoichi’s resort. they fall in love and fugaku finds out and ruins that shit. not a pleasant ending but worth reading. the emotional turmoil is worth it. fucking hell.

hope your hunger has been satiated. i tried to rec ones that i’ve never rec’d before so yea. i also used links for the first time?!?!? def do go back and take a look at my past recs tho, they contain personal faves. another great rec acc that i love is @snsfic so do check them out as well. happy reading!!!!

[nevermindirah]

Do you have any thoughts on the use of AAVE for Nile (or lack thereof) in TOG fanfiction? I've been reading some Book of Nile fic and some writers seem to write her as a Millennial™ (using words like "fave" and "woke") but never acknowledge her Blackness in her patterns of speech. I know we don't see her use as much AAVE in the films, but I would argue she's in situations where code-switching would be valued (first in a "professional" environment in the army, then around a group of non-Black strangers).

Hi anon! I have many thoughts on this and I'm honored you asked me! But I should start by saying I'm white and any thoughts Black fans and especially Black American fans have on this that they want to share would be beyond lovely. (I'm not gonna tag anybody bc that feels rude but please add onto this post if any of y'all see this and want to!)

The main reason I personally avoid AAVE for Nile in my own fics is because I'm not Black. But Nile-centric fics by Black writers tend to avoid using much of it too, at least from what I've noticed/understood, and my guess is it's largely for the reason you mention, that she's in situations that encourage code-switching.

In movie canon Nile is highly competent at tailoring her language to each situation she finds herself in. This fantastic linguistics analysis meta shows how skillfully Nile chooses her vocabulary and grammar to meet her goals with different conversation partners in different contexts. In comics canon Nile had a bunch of different civilian jobs before joining the Marines, so she would've had experience code-switching in the ways that made sense for all those different contexts as well as the Marines and her family and high school and wherever else she spent her time before we met her. And now she's spending her time with a handful of immortals none of whom are native English speakers and a fellow Black American but one with a Queen's English UK accent whose professional experience is in the CIA where high-status code-switching is often an absolute must for success or even survival.

Fics featuring Nile are charged with extrapolating from that to how it might show up in her use of language that she's coping with a traumatic separation from her family and her career and pretty much everything she's ever known and now she needs to be able to make herself understood to people who seem to care about her and each other but are super duper in crisis, three (soon to be four) of whom predate Modern English entirely and the only one who's anywhere near her contemporary she's not supposed to talk to for a century. All of these people are telling her that pretty much any contact with any mortals poses an existential threat to her and the rest of the group. How the FUCK is she supposed to cope with that, like, generally? And would it be a more effective way for her to cope if she talked to Andy Joe and Nicky using the speech patterns that she used to use with her mom and brother, to at least retain that part of her identity even if it means having to do a lot of explaining, or would it meet her needs better to prioritize Andy Joe and Nicky understanding what she means with her words over using the particular words and grammar forms she used with her family?

I've seen several fics, both Nile-centric / BoN and otherwise, explore this a little bit in how/whether Nile uses Millennial™ speak. It's often a theme in Nile texting Booker despite the exile because of the popular headcanon that he as The Tech Guy is the only other immortal who understands memes. But Nile's much-younger-than-Booker mom probably uses Boomer and/or Gen X memes and Andy has been adapting to new communication styles for forever as evidenced by her canon high level of fluency with standard-American-accented English.

Which brings us back to people avoiding AAVE because they're not Black and they don't want to make mistakes (or they're not Black and they don't want to get yelled at for making mistakes, though I think many people overestimate how much they'll get yelled at while underestimating how much these mistakes can hurt). I can imagine some Black fans hold back from using much AAVE in fic because they don't want to share in-group stuff with white people who are likely to then adopt and ruin it, as white people so often do with Black cultural stuff. Some links about this including a great Khadija Mbowe video. I'm saying this gently, anon, because you might not know: woke, an example you cited as Millennial™ speak, is AAVE, and that's gotten erased by so many white people appropriating it and using it incorrectly online.

And also there's the part where fandom is a hobby and you never know when you're reading a fic that's the very first thing someone's ever written outside of a school assignment. This cultural considerations of language shit takes a level of effort and skill that not everybody puts into every fic, or even could if they wanted to because they haven't had time to build their skills yet. It's definitely easier for non-Black fans to project our millennial feels onto Nile than to do the layers of research and self-reflection it requires to depict what Blackness might mean to Nile, and it's not surprising that often people sharing their hobby creations on the internet have gone the easier route. There's not even necessarily shame in doing what's easier. It's just frustrating and often hurtful when structural white supremacy means that 3-dimensional Black characters are rare in media and thoughtful explorations of them in fandom are seen by the majority of fans as not-easy to make and therefore Nile Freeman, the main character in The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood, has the least fic and meta and art made about her of our 5 main immortals.

I've been active in different fandoms off and on for twenty years and I barely managed to write 5,000 words about Sam Wilson across multiple different fics in the 7 years since I fell in love with him. There's an alchemy to which characters we connect with, and on top of that which characters we connect with in a way that causes us to create stuff about them. Something about Nile Freeman finally tipped me over the edge from a voracious reader to a voracious writer. It's not for me to judge which characters speak to other individuals to the level of creating content about them, but I do think it's important for us to notice, and then work to fight, the pattern where across this fandom as a whole Nile gets way less content, and way less depth in so much of the content that's in theory about her, than any of these other characters.

Anyway, back to language. My two long fics feature Nile with several Black friends — Copley and OCs and cameos from other media — but all of those characters except Alec Hardison from Leverage aren't American. It's very possible I'm guilty of stereotyping Black British speech patterns in I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore. I watched hours and hours of Black haircare YouTube videos in the research for that fic and I modeled my OCs' speech patterns on what I heard from some of those YouTubers as well as what I've heard people like John Boyega and Idris Elba saying in interviews, but the thing about doing your best is you still might fuck up.

I'm slowly making progress on my WIP where Nile and Sam Wilson are cousins, and what ways of talking with a family member might be authentic for Nile is a major question I need to figure out. For that, I'm largely modeling my writing choices on how I hear my Black friends and colleagues talking to each other. I haven't overheard colleagues talking in an office in a long-ass time, but back when that was a thing, I remember seeing a ton of nuance in the different ways many of my Black colleagues would talk to each other. Different people have different personalities! And backgrounds! And priorities! A few jobs ago my department was about 1/3 Black and we worked closely with Obama administration staff many of whom were Black and there was SO MUCH VARIETY in how Black people talked to each other, about work and workplace-appropriate personal stuff, where I and other white coworkers could hear. There are a few work friends in particular who I have in my head when I'm trying to imagine how Sam and Nile might talk to each other. From the outside looking in, God DAMN is shit complicated, intellectually and interpersonally and spiritually, for Black people who are devoting their professional lives to public service in the United States.

One more aspect of this that I have big thoughts on but I need to take extra care in talking about is the idea of acknowledging Nile's Blackness in her patterns of speech. There's no one right way to be Black, and Nile's a fictional character created by a white dude but there are plenty of real-life Black Americans who don't use much or even any AAVE, for reasons that are complicated because of white supremacy. (Highly highly recommend this video by Shanspeare on the harms of the Oreo stereotype.)

Something that's not the same but has enough similarity that I think it's worth talking about is my personal experience with authenticity and American Jewish speech patterns. My Jewish family members don't talk like they're in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and I've known lots of people who do talk that way (or the millennial version of it), some of whom have questioned my Jewishness because I don't talk that way. That hurts me. Sometimes when another Jew tells me some shit like "I've never heard a Jew say y'all'd've," I can respond with "well now you have asshole, bless your Yankee-ass heart," because the myth of Dixie is a racist lie but I will totally call white Northerners Yankees when they're being shitty to me for being Southern, and this particular Jew fucking revels in using "bless your heart" with maximum polite aggression, especially with said Yankees. But sometimes I don't have it in me to say anything and it just quietly hurts having an important part of me disbelieved by someone who shares that important part of me. The sting isn't quite the same when non-Jews disbelieve or discount my Jewishness, but that hurts too.

Who counts as authentically Jewish is a messy in-group conversation and it doesn't really make sense to explain it all here. Who counts as authentically Jewish is a matter of legal status for immigration, citizenship, and civil rights in Israel, and it's my number 2 reason after horrific treatment of Palestinians that I'm antizionist. But outside that extremely high-stakes legal situation, it can just feel really shitty to not be recognized as One Of Us, especially by your own people.

It can also feel really shitty to be The Only One of Your Kind in a group, even if that group is an immortal chosen family who all loves each other dearly. Sometimes especially in a situation like that where you know those people love you but there are certain things they don't get about you and will never quite be able to. I'm definitely projecting at least a little bit of my "lonely Jew who will be alone again for yet another Jewish holiday" stuff onto Nile when at the end of I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore she's thinking about being the only Black immortal and moving away from the community she'd built with a mostly-Black group of mortals in that fic. Maybe that tracks, or maybe that's fucked up of me.

Basically, this got very long but it's complicated, writing about experiences that aren't your own takes skill which in turn takes time and practice to build, writing about experiences not your own that our society maligns can cause a lot of harm if done badly, it can also cause a lot of harm when a large enough portion of a fandom just decides to nope out of something that's difficult and risky because then there's just not much content about a character who deserves just a shit ton of loving and nuanced content, people are individuals and two people who come from the exact same cultural context might show that influence in all kinds of different ways, identity is complicated, language is complicated, writing is hard, and empathy and humility and doing our best aren't a guarantee of avoiding harm but they do go a long way in helping people create thoughtful content about a character as awesome and powerful and kind and messy and scared and curious and WORTHY as Nile Freeman.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

just thinking about how my weird obsession with sex in high school- like joking that i’d become a hooker and stripper in my 20s just so i could meet & fuck my fave emo band dudes while they toured australia (like honey. for the love of god. just buy a fucking meet & greet ticket to meet them. and also. now a whole ass decade later it’s coming out that a good bulk of these men were/are actually trash to their young teen female fans (and it’s also in their past interviews for some of them but you chose to ignore it) so i dodged many a bullet dick if you will)….. and then me pretending to be a hooker/stripper from vegas on omegle and like scarring some of the girls in my year 9 drama class at catholic school in 2010 all bc i decided to write some really graphic (for a 14/15yo) sexting stuff on omegle during one particular lesson…….

moreover, being obsessed with tv show characters like barney stinson from himym and samantha jones from sex and the city…. and all the other jokes (e.g. “we all know i’ll be a dominatrix when im older 😉!”- this was literally one of them) i’ve talked about before in an infinite amount of personal posts on here over the years….. has turned me into such an incredibly anxious mess around sex and relationships in my late 20s; that i need to get to therapy about it.

because i very obvs kinda drank up the hyper sexualisation of teen girls and women in media so much in my teens. like i thought i’d be a complete “slut” in my 20s. i thought i’d move to LA and be a super famous and hot actress who’d get to fuck/sleep with all of her fave emo band dudes so they’d write songs about her sleeping around (take a hint girl. they didn’t like those women!!!!!! 90% of the songs you were listening to at that time were bitter breakup songs!!!!) in hollywood and being the home wrecking whore and ruining their bands bc they’d all slept with me. which i thought was a great badge to wear; to tear down the self esteem and mental health of those men. like it honestly was so fucking bizarre.

but now in my late 20s….. i can barely sext at all. i run out of things to write in like the first 2 seconds in. when i try to sext… like say i’m crushing on someone whose a long distance from me (like did with one of my followers on here that lives in a city which is 3hrs north of me i’m australia last year)….. i get into it for like maybe an hour and then give up; while they keep going. i don’t want to flirt. i find it impossible to find smart quippy flirt lines and that’s why i can’t stand the idea of dating apps. also i’ve always hated dating apps in general anyway due to my past dealings with them (ie the fb adding me to zoosk dating when i signed up in 2009 at 13/14 incident) but i also fucking hate how you have to almost “sell” yourself again in quippy lines and like 150 words of a bio. to make yourself almost as digestible and marketable as a biteable tweet on twitter. i fucking hate it. i don’t have any energy for it. i used up all my sexting ideas in my teens, when i was far too young to be doing it… and then there’s also the tumblr sexting publicly with anons in 2013… who turned out to be two (possibly) 28yo men…… and i was 17.

i was so desperate to be a “slut”, a “vixen”, a “whore” in my formative years (which we all know never actually happened anyway) that i never seriously sat down to realise- not that a teenager would actually do it; let’s be real here- how damaging it’d really be in my 20s. like i don’t know how to function in the early stages of any relationships where you’re supposed to be almost endlessly lustful of your partner- all bc i had that bizarre intense fixation on sex and being labelled a whore so early on. and now i don’t even want to be called “whore” or a “slut” in sexting. but that’s the default thing that you see on tumblr and everywhere else.

there’s obvs the thing i’ve referenced in other posts too; where i was obsessed with the labels of “sexy” etc as well; and i longed in my teens to be called sexy and other labels like that, by boys my age. but since i never got it from them, i then wanted it from older guys. but once that girl in year 11 at public school kept trying to set me up with guys aged anywhere from 20 to 30…. and they were calling me “sexy”/ “hot” and everything else…. it just felt gross??? and most especially when considering the large age difference of the men who were 30 and me at 16/17. now when men call me sexy or hot or whatever, i just get weirdly uncomfortable and my default response is “awww stop”; when i actually feel weird about it.

i found it super unsettling and insulting when a follower on here (mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF) kept suggesting to me to become a camgirl bc he thought i’d make a lot of money bc “you’re so hot and sexy and you just don’t know it!” or whatever the fuck he told me back in like 2016, after he’d ignored me for like 3+ years. it was even more unsettling when he seemed to get more agitated by my disagreement and hesitation with his so called “great suggestion” every time he brought it up. bc no. i will not use onlyfans. i will not be a camgirl since i don’t want creeps like you, brayden, telling me what the fuck to shove up my coochie for your/their pleasure and not particularly mine. and i just personally know that i don’t have the mental space or confidence to be a sex worker. i always give props to the women who do.

and it also felt awful when it came out the mouth of my high school stalker/creeper from years 11/12, any time i showed ANY emotion other than “innocent doe eyed fuck doll of a girl that needs to be somehow saved from herself and her own naivety” by some dipshit who thinks the whole world is actually porn; bc that’s how he learnt how to talk to girls…. that i just learnt to shut down any type of sexual relationship really fast.

the word “hot”, felt odd too, when it came out of the mouth of one my other early tumblr followers who was from sydney, and he paired it with wanting to meet up and to “give you (me) a tour of bondi and you can make us cookies in the hotel room i’ll get for us”. like yes. we were 17/18. but for some random stranger that you barely know from the wilds of the internet offers to get you both a hotel room…. like thanks for the weird insinuation that i’ll sleep with you laiken, when we’ve literally talked about twice in the last year (2013). just because you follow me on tumblr and you inboxed me twice, it doesn’t that mean i want your dick anywhere near me. and then when i said i’d bring a friend, he got weird with “third wheeling” as if us following each other and possibly fucking when or if we met up in bondi, instantly made us into a couple. no. we are not a couple. and you’re blocked, laiken. end of story.

there was also a time when i confused “people pleaser” as a euphemism for group sex. so that when it came to some sexual fantasies i had with certain emo band guys- i wanted to have orgies basically. i wanted group sex. but honey. you’re literally a child. you do NOT want or need to pleasure 4 men at once, let alone an individual man. now in my late 20s, i can’t even picture myself fucking one man. let alone 3 to 4 at once. you’re NOT a people pleaser in the bedroom, when you don’t even have the energy to go seek someone out to have some meaningful sex with. not just empty “no strings attached” bullshit. but again, this side is also somewhere in other posts i’ve made on here about relationships- that i wanted far more advanced relationships and sex with older men (ie just even an 18/19 year old guy when i was 14/15…. or a couple of years later at 17 i wanted a 20 something year old man to find me sexy and fuck me etc)… that i won’t speak about it more here.

but yeah. there’s a lot here and i have no idea where this post was supposed to go. but yeah. my main point is that weird obsession with sex in my teens (when i actually had zero (0) sex at all in my teens) has turned me into an anxious mess because now i think of sex as a huge performance and elaborate thing….. like a big part of it, i guess, is that….. i have a fear of dudes rating my moans and being like “it’s not horny enough” or “you don’t sound right”- well tyler. how about you cut the fuck down on your porn consumption then???!!! bc i am NOT fake porn moaning “oooooh myyyy gooooodd it’s soooooo biiiiig” and “ooooh myyyy goood iiiimmm sooooo weeet!!! goooo deeper!!!”…. or whatever the fuck…. when both your dick game and your sex skills are piss weak at best…. and you refuse to take ANY constructive feedback about YOUR performance and moans….. so it’s almost like stage fright lmao. but for sex. and there’s also me still joking that although im no longer loud in public; “i’ll be loud in the bedroom 😉” when like. will i actually be??? who knows??? if i never bother to do anything with this.

and then there’s me being over critical of my body when i take nudes…. and also trying to light everything right to look- idek- appealing/appetising- since when it comes to my snootch, it’s meant to served up like a delicacy. lmao. on a platter. bc you’re meant to “eat it, lap it up/slurp that pussy like a slurpee” ok. you can tell i don’t flirt. but you get the point. it’s always referred to in food imagery. and then i take one look at a guys dick and i’m like “that’s going NOWHERE near my mouth. i can tell you that” and “your cum will NEVER be a meal, dude” unlike my 🐈 . so it’s tied up in so much bullshit; that it’s healthier for me to just not engage in sexting and relationships at all. the appetising thing is also tied up in sex positions- like who the fuck wants to see me with my legs in the air, at THAT angle in missionary???? or like who wants to see me in the weird sex positions that used to be in cosmo mag to “hit your g spot” and “spice up your sex life with these 10 amazing moves!”???? when i’ll probably look awful- esp if it’s in front of a mirror. and that’s also tied to facial expressions too. it’s just an awful tangle of what the actual fuck fuckery.

just yeah. my constant fixation on sex in my teens really fucked up my engagement with relationships in my 20s because i followed the hyper-sexualised version of a teen girl on tween/teen shows. then i got angry at myself during my teens bc i wasn’t “hot” i wasn’t “sexy”. i was just so blatantly and horribly average that how on earth would that ever be attractive to anyone???? man. why am i even writing this on here. i remember the inner anger and jealousy i harboured from my best friend bc she lost her virginity when we finished year 12 in 2013 (drunken teen mistake) and i hadn’t done anything yet…. when i was meant to be the samantha jones “wild sex bitch” of our little group. i was meant to do it first bc i’d read all the cosmo bullshit. i remember how bitterly jealous i was she she got her boyfriend that she’s been with since 2016. when was my time even for just a boyfriend??? just any fucking person who’d just somehow minorly “settle” for me. aside from all the “wild, kinky sex freak with an even wilder mouth” persona bullshit that i’d built up for myself.

but instead all i got was intensely controlling and incredibly rude so-called “men”; where i could detect their red flags in the first 20 minutes to an hour of meeting them. so it just ended up being so deflating and not worth bothering with. so i had to end up settling for vibrators. i guess that’s the only upside to this whole shebang. i had to learn how to detect creeps and very problematic negative traits in the first hour of either meeting someone in person, or through a message on fb or another social media platform… so that i could learn to leave at the first sign of anything where they think that they instantly have power over me bc i apparently know less about being a “real person” than they do.

bc no. you don’t have power over me solely bc you have a penis and have fucked a woman before- notice the sole use of “fuck”- never something kinder or more intimate- it’s quick, it’s soulless and devoid of all emotion. you don’t have power over me bc you think that sticking your useless shit dick in me will apparently make me into a “real woman who’ll finally know real dick”.

because, no. the real dick here is you, jeremy. ironically sans dick. because your cock (to go with his “everything is porn” vibe) was not needed to prove to me that i can be discerning and have good judgement without a shitty dude to tell me what to do. leave me the fuck alone. i will not be taking your fucked up offer of sex lessons in the back of your car to pay for driving lessons that you think will “fix” me. which is your blatantly god-awfully terrible excuse and disguise for probable sexual assault. get the fuck away from me, you literal walking, talking goddamned alarm bell. you deserved to be blocked for life.

anyway back to my original rant.

finally, don’t even get me started on me labelling other girls that i didn’t like at school as “sluts” and “whores”- so i was against them bc they were confident with boys- but somehow it was utterly fine for me to be a supposed rampantly sexual being instead bc i was being idek “real” about it???? when in reality when i did get shown any sliver of attention (usually not from the people i wanted) it was negative and i ran from it bc it made me feel unstable.