#peter parker kinks

[hanasnx]

idk insomniac peter seems the most experienced but like ????

he'd be one kinky mf too ngl

saying he's the most experienced makes sense bcos i think he's the oldest of the spider-men we know of rn (not including the vast array of comics available). besides, everybody wants a piece of ol spidey. everybody's got a hard on for him. and hes so warm and friendly, it prolly comes off as invitational and flirtatious. ppl mistake it for game simply bcos his cringefail loser personality is attached to an ultrahot bod and mutated spider-cock. doesnt hurt that he's the sweetest.

and its always the most vanilla-acting dudes you meet being the freakiest behind closed doors. i bet pete's into shit you've never met in any other guy. not just the traditional and expected stuff like bondage, no peter wants to try crazy shit. exhibitionism/agoraphilia: he wants to fuck you on a roof, on the ceiling, in the bathroom of the bar with no name just to do it (he'd never tell you, he's the type to act like he's above it and let you insist and make the decision for him). he has a keen sense of olfactophilia, amaurophilia, bet he's into a little bit of roleplay (def wants to "save" you after youve been "kidnapped" and you show your appreciation for your favorite hero), i can see him being into some breeding, dubcon (tricked/coercion edition). his fave positions are cowgirl, reverse face fuck, and doggy style off the top of my head. bet hes fantasized about being a little subby cuck.

[hemlock-dreams]

Positively FERAL about your inmate!Peter AU. I love me a good Spideypool story, but with there being a ton of buff Wade taking care of burnt out smol Peter (don't get me wrong, I love those too) seeing a buff Peter positively RAILING Wade is very refreshing (and HOT)! I also adore the entire lore verse you've come up with for it!!! Chewing on all the old art until there's more, and thank you for allowing us a view into your brilliant mind with your art!!!

Thank you so much! I too am a big fan of bottom!Wade and l take my duty of folding him like a pool chair very seriously.

I really appreciate the kind words and am so happy to know that I'm not the only one who wants to see Spiderman break this man's spine!!!

So I offer to you the aftermath of Wade getting caught after a violent chase :)

[sbantyo]

Do you think Peter is more of a soft belly or a beer belly?

[hungryhungry-himbo]

Your miguel is so good oof

Imagine he used to tease Peter B. about getting fat and then ends up getting even bigger because he's a major stress eater so he's bursting outta that suit completely oblivious while Peter is looking at him like O.O "damn"

i’ve been thinking of this ask for so long and finally made a sketch to go with it. also miguel being a stress eater is so hot

[murc0ck]

i may or may not have a mask kink

[bmj-arts]

a good boy 🐶🦴

[ladyyystark]

Bucky and Peter slow dancing in the kitchen at midnight.

Bucky and Peter fighting over watching Star Wars or Lord of the Rings.

Bucky and Peter having leftovers for breakfast.

Bucky and Peter on a lazy Sunday morning.

Bucky and Peter on cleaning day.

Bucky and Peter patching each other's injuries.

Bucky and Peter planning their vacations.

Bucky and Peter listening to their 40s/2000s playlist.

Bucky and Peter saving a seat for each other on a table.

Bucky and Peter taking Alpine to the vet.

Bucky and Peter having arguments.

Bucky and Peter admitting they did wrong and asking for forgiveness.

Bucky and Peter cuddling on the couch.

Bucky and Peter celebrating their anniversary with homemade dinner and cheap wine.

Bucky and Peter giving each other good morning and goodnight kisses.

Bucky and Peter having inside jokes.

Bucky and Peter drinking from the same bottle.

Bucky and Peter comforting the other after a nightmare.

Bucky and Peter hugging from the back.

Bucky and Peter meeting each other's friends.

Bucky and Peter making sweet tender love one day and having the nastiest disrespectful fuck the next day.

Bucky and Peter doing grocery shopping.

Bucky and Peter using the bathroom while one is showering and the other brushing his teeth.

Bucky and Peter being domestic.

[evadewilson]

guys, pals, friends, lieblings, if you see this post PLEASE drop your favourite spideypool tropes/fic things in the tags or comments PRETTY PLEASE

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

december poll fic, voting round 5

the fantasy: boyfriend’s stepdad + staying over at their house for the holidays results from previous polls: bf's stepdad: bucky barnes his job: lawyer the boyfriend: peter parker form: oneshot

if you have any ideas (plot, trope, kink, thots, etc.), then please send them my way and i’ll include them in the following polls! 

if you wanna get notified for the next poll, then click here

[maukree]

Day 14: Bucky/Peter - Dacryphilia

Their first time... Bucky’s got about as much time to think about it as a bullet does before it leaves the chamber. That moment when something finally gives in the armory. What starts as an awkward, lingering hug turns into them pressing into each other like they’ve only got minutes to live and didn’t just win, tears just pouring down Peter’s face, and after—after—Bucky bullshits himself into thinking his reaction to Peter crying is a non-reaction. Yeah. Sure.

Rating: Explicit Wordcount: 3.1k

Bingo fills and cards under the fold

Peter Parker Bingo: SWF G2 - LGBTQ+ @pparkerbingo Peter Parker Bingo: NSWF B4 - Kink discovery @pparkerbingo Winterspider Bingo: SWF G2 - Super Strength @winterspider-bingo Winterspider Bingo: NSWF B1 - Broken Bed @winterspider-bingo

[llflorence]

Vacation required - RatedE, identity porn, road trip

“Organic w —“

The rest of it died in Wade’s mouth. He blinked as if staring at a very bright object. Gears inside his head turned and those big blue eyes opened wider and wider. 

“Petey.” God, he looked raked-over-the-coals messed up. “Are you — did I just suck off —?”

Peter laughed a shaky unsure sound. He hadn’t had time to think; his body was flushed full of happy, horny chemicals. “I’m Spider-man.”

Wade recoiled, falling with a whump onto his backside and pulling Peter’s wrists forward until he let go. It was such a visceral reaction that Peter’s brain instantly went there.

“Please,” he begged, fists balled and teeth clenched. “Please don’t run again before I can exp —“

Wade’s forehead wrinkled into a frown, and he certainly did look as if he was about to bolt. “Prove it.”

Peter’s mouth went dry. He wasn’t even sure there was any ‘proof’ left inside. He inhaled deeply, smelling the spunk and the sweat and tasting the sweetness of Wade’s saliva still on his tongue. ‘Get a grip!’ he scolded himself. ‘This is important!’ 

The first try was nothing but more thick, clumpy goo. He could feel the spinnerets working hard to catch up to speed. A glob or two oozed out and ran down the side of his hand. It was really pathetic as far as webbing went. Peter’s heart hadn’t stopped racing, only now it was out of fear. If he couldn’t prove who he was —

Wade’s chest heaved where he sat on the floor, bug-eyed and expectant. Peter rubbed one wrist on the edge of the off-kilter mattress, and aimed for the bathroom doorknob with every spare bit of concentration he had.

The second the door pulled closed, Wade scrambled to his feet. His zipper was undone, and his shockingly white briefs peeked out between the teeth. And inside that, the bright red cap of a massive dick bulged over the top of the material.

Peter gagged on his own tongue. Wade ignored it.

“You got the suit with you?”  Every muscle tensed and a very aggressive Wade faced Peter as if he’d never seen him before. His voice was low, devoid of its previous desire, but just as seductive. Peter, wanting to gain and keep this man’s trust, nodded.

“Always.”

Wade pitched his head back and made a strangled, wounded noise. He clapped a hand over his mouth, fingers digging into his cheeks. He did an odd little dance. And then, without any indication of why or what for, Wade flung open the bathroom door and slammed it closed behind him.

The lock clicked. There was a moment of horrible quiet. Then another, and then a whimpering sounded from within. 

Before Peter could respond, before he could put two brain cells together for a thought that wasn’t about how thick and juicy and completely amazeballs Wade was, the door flew open again, and Wilson emerged.

He was completely put back together, a large white towel around his neck. Wade scuffled awkwardly toward the sofa, snatched two pillows off the seat cushion to cover his gigantic rigid cock, tucked away behind super tight jeans, and placed himself at the far end of the little two-seater table.

“Don’t—” His words cut off, and Wilson growled in frustration. “Don’t you dare come any closer. I’ve got to think this through first.”

Peter didn’t move. He stayed right where he was, shivering through the evaporation of fluids from his heated skin.

“God dammit!” Wade shouted, covering his face with both palms. “Get dressed. I can’t stand to look at you like that.”

The mixed vibes were freaking Peter out. He bent over to collect a shirt — Wade’s white tee, much too big, obviously — and then scuffled awkwardly into his pajama bottoms. Soiled, of course, by his own stupidity.

“OK. I’m dressed.” It was weak, nothing like Spider-man would say.

Wade uncovered his eyes and froze once again. Pain took over his features and he turned his head away. “Fuck, that’s worse,” he howled. “Madcap, please! You gotta break the tie, man. We’re dying here!”

Peter, tongue-tied by the man’s reaction, the debate with Deadpool, and the begging to whoever ‘Madcap’ was, had had enough. He pushed back the too-long sleeves, whipped the mask out from under the mattress, and yanked it over his head.

Wade’s squeal was high enough to wake dogs miles away. Two seconds later, he was stiff-backed and frozen, mouth stuffed full, and Spider-man sat in the other chair.

The eyes that bugged out across the table were wide and unblinking, but at least the Merc with a Mouth was silent.

“Listen,” Spider-man began. “All – however many of you – shut up and listen. I’m supposed to be on vacation. I’ve got enough stress back home, and I swear to god, if you say anything before I can explain, I’m going to haul you in for disturbing the peace and tell the Canadian police all about your little ‘time out’ with Wolverine.”

Spider-man would do no such thing, of course, but he had spent months with his therapist, working on convincing threats. By the look on Wade’s et al.'s faces, it seemed to be effective enough.

He exhaled heavily and considered removing the mask. But confidence had flooded his chest, and he kinda liked being in the position he was. Wade could have easily gotten up out of the chair and freed himself, maybe, but there he sat, a captive audience.

The mask stayed on.

“OK. That’s better.” 

Where to begin? 

“I swear on my uncle’s grave that I didn’t know who you and Logan were when I first spotted you.” 

Wilson blinked.

“I admit I did make a phone call when I figured out you were following me.”

Wilson winced.

“My contact turned in a favor with a friend who got the information from Professor X that you two had been sent out of the country.”

Wilson closed his eyes tightly and sighed.

Spider-man sighed, too. “It was a complete coincidence, meeting like that where we did. There’s no nefarious scheme and, as far as I’m concerned, no bad feelings for either of you.”

Something like hope glinted in Wilson’s eyes, and Spider-man wavered just the teensiest bit.

The mask came off.

“Wade,” Peter said, putting every bit of his soul into it. “I didn’t tell you who I was because I didn’t want you to judge me for —”

He thought about how that sounded, considering his own opinions of Deadpool’s abilities. Peter wasn’t even sure of everything DP could do. There certainly was a bloody trail of various victims with fairly heavy hints of violence. Maybe it was foolish, but Peter honestly didn’t care. Underneath it all, Wade was in charge; he drove the ship, and he had treated Peter with nothing but respect. 

Wilson tried to say something through the gag, and Peter caved.

He ripped off the cover and tore out the webbing. Wade coughed for a spell, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Between gasps for air, the man met Peter’s gaze. A storm brewed behind his expression. It was so strong, the room felt thick with it.

“Peter,” he said finally. His words were stunted, carefully formed. “You have no idea what you’ve done.”

Peter’s stomach dropped. He swallowed hard. “I do know.”

Deadpool laughed. Peter was getting better at telling the two of them apart. “Do you?” It was said with a sneer. Wade looked horrified at the words. It didn’t stop him from choosing sides. “Sorry. But he does have a point.”

Peter scrubbed a hand over his face. Wade kept staring at him.

“OK,” Wilson said, taking a cleansing breath and leaning back in the chair. His knee began to bounce up and down. The table trembled because of it. “I have an idea. It involves room service and a blindfold.”

Peter had opened his mouth to say ‘Absolutely’ to whatever Wade wanted. Deadpool, not so much. At least, not yet.

“Why?”

The different personalities had a sudden heated, whispered argument. They used words like ‘trust’ and ‘second chance,’ ‘ransom’ and ‘belt.’ Peter was even more unsure about this idea.

It was Wade who finally looked up out of troubled eyes. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes.” There was no hesitation.

“Then listen. We need pizza and water. Lots and lots of pizza. Lots and lots of water.”

The lodge itself didn’t make pizzas, but they gave Peter the number of a place that delivered. He ordered four family-sized with various toppings, suggested rapid-fire by Wade, and repeated the request for water several times.

“That’s right. A case.”

Wilson nodded from his position, backed against the wall in the furthest corner of the room. There he danced, bouncing on his heels, unable to keep his body still while his mouth remained closed.

Peter ended the call and contemplated leaving the cabin until it was delivered. Maybe then things wouldn’t feel so awkward.

“Wade —” he tried, but Wilson cut him off.

“Not yet. Not until we’ve eaten. It’ll make a lot better sense with a full stomach.”

It was the longest fifteen minutes of his young adult life.

At the knock on the door, Wade left his self-designated timeout spot and shooed Peter away. He grappled with a wallet in the tightness of his back pocket, a pocket that had stretched to the max over the man’s fantastic globes. The delivery guy accepted Wilson’s fumbled wad of Canadian currency, unfolding the bills and handing back what appeared to be too much. Wade pushed the man outside, balancing the pizzas in the other hand, saying, “Keep the change!” and slamming the door closed with his foot.

Peter’s stomach rumbled unhelpfully as the food was laid out across the bed. He didn’t have time to worry about grease stains when Wilson ordered him to “Eat! You’ll need your strength.”

The man had no idea what Spider-man was capable of apparently. Nonetheless, Peter dug with both hands into the mushroom and pepperoni. Wade stared intently at him until the whole thing was gone.

“So that’s why you’ve got a massive appetite. I believed it when you said you had an overactive metabolism. But I never in a million years suspected it to be this.”

He gestured at Peter’s wrists, the mask laid in plain sight on the bed.

Through a mouthful of the first slice from the second box, Peter was hopeful. “And that’s good?”

Wade grumbled to himself before diving into a garbage pizza complete with anchovies. “I don’t know yet,” he frowned. He sat on the floor on one side of the bed.

Peter, following his lead, sat on the other.

They nearly polished off two boxes apiece and Wilson was still watching for signs of — something. Whatever it was, Peter could have done with another six slices. Fearing that time was running out, he made the universal sign for ‘full’ by throwing the pile of napkins over his share of the finished meal. Wade pushed two bottles at him.

“Drink. All of it.”

Peter opened his mouth to argue he’d be in the bathroom in ten minutes, but Wilson wouldn’t hear it. “You’re dehydrated. You can barely make a decent mouth gag. Now. Down the hatch.”

It had been a perfectly acceptable gag. He thought.

Peter finished off the waters, too.

Wade left two slices in his box, flipping the lid partially closed and kicking out his long, strong legs. Peter swallowed a burp and reached for another water bottle.

Wade nodded his approval.

“Now,” the man announced, as if calling an official meeting to order. “For shits and giggles. Lay on me all your superhero powers. I wanna know everything.”

Peter stiffened. “Everything?” Bucky and Steve said he must never reveal everything to anyone. For reasons.

Wade nodded once more. “And I’ll give you the lowdown on Deadpool. For shits and giggles.”

Peter pulled his knees to his chest. It was a fair trade; and he didn’t have to give everything away.

He made the list in his mind.

There was wall-crawling, naturally, but he was also stricken with a whole lot of enhanced abilities: strength, speed, agility, reflexes, stamina, durability, endurance, and balance.

The enhanced healing factor was something he wasn’t sure he wanted to share with Wade. Everything about Wilson’s body was a mystery; Peter felt like he’d be stealing the other man’s light by claiming to have it to any degree.

Spider-sense most definitely belonged to him and him alone. He hadn’t even shared that with the Avengers. Sure, they’d given him hesitant stares whenever he showed up before the need had even been established. It was easy enough to explain away. 

“Well,” Peter cleared his throat. A thick layer of — something — coated the inside. “I can climb anything.”

“How’s that work?” Wade was doing a not-so-great job hiding his excitement. Peter at least had the man’s attention. At least there was that.

“I can make the molecules in my body bond with molecules of surfaces.”

Wade blinked. “Even water? Or something that’s not solid, like fog? What about human skin? Can you stick to that?”

Peter hadn’t yet tested every surface, but he was game to try. He wondered if he could bond himself to Wilson’s body. That could be very, very int—eresting.

But he was getting ahead of himself. “I guess?”

How was it possible for one man to be so damn attractive? “What else?”

“I’m fast.”

“How fast?”

“Erm.” Peter scrambled his thoughts to come up with a comparable metaphor. “Faster than —“

“A speeding bullet?” Deadpool interrupted gleefully.

Wade closed his eyes, clearly frustrated. “That’s Superman, you idiot.”

Hearing Wilson call his other self stupid hurt. A lot.

“Faster than a car.” Although it was tough to use that even, because a person standing still was faster than traffic during rush hour.

Wade looked genuinely impressed. “Cool. What else?”

“Uh, I’m strong.”

“How strong?”

Peter sensed a game, which was good because there was a suspicious lack of premonition about everything that was Wade Wilson. He hadn’t even triggered Peter’s senses as a warning the first time they’d met.

“I can show you.”

Wade scrambled onto his knees, his expression eager. “Let’s do it.”

They returned to the table, Peter sinking into one chair, Wade taking the one directly across. Peter eyed the furniture, making calculations on the limits of its sturdiness. He figured it would hold for what they were about to do.

Left hand gripping his knee, right elbow planted on the table, Peter waited with bated breath as Wade blinked at the offering of fingers. The man still seemed afraid to touch, as if they hadn’t already been closer than skin, swapping saliva, practically the same person. 

He also seemed to understand pretty quickly what Peter intended, drawing a gigantic breath. He wrangled with something for a moment. Then a devious grin crossed his sinful lips.

Wade stood and whipped off his sweatshirt. Peter’s stomach flipped over at the sudden show of flesh and muscle.

“Challenge accepted,” he growled as he sank into the chair and grasped Peter’s hand.

A surge of electricity shot up Peter’s arm at the touch. It was very warm in the cabin. Add to that the display of tensing, flexed biceps and the tightness of colossal pecs, Peter momentarily felt weak at the knees.

“So, we gonna arm —“

Peter acted quickly, seizing the element of surprise, and slammed Wade’s forearm onto the table.

The table jumped six inches to the left. Wade’s talented mouth fell all the way open.

“— wrestle,” he finished. Unbelieving eyes dropped to Peter’s covering his. He stammered for a few moments, then flashed Peter a wicked, wicked smile. “Cheater cheater pumpkin eater.”

It was gentle and terrifyingly, terribly fond.

“Best two out of three,” Wade suggested, righting their hands on the tabletop. “Three, two, one —“

This time, Peter was met with a fair bit of resistance. His chair skittered across the wood floor at the start, and an unintentional grunt left his throat. Peter planted his feet, leaned forward, and gained back the inch or so he’d lost.

The bulge of Wade’s bicep was absolutely huge. It had to have been the size of Peter’s thigh, maybe both. It hadn’t been as noticeable before, probably because Wilson hadn’t been fighting against anything that could match his strength. 

If the man had eyebrows, they’d be tented downward in concentration. His focus was all over the place, studying the juncture of their hands, calculating each little tease of additional muscle Peter gave. Neck tendons strained. Breathing came more quickly. Hearts beat more rapidly and large veins began popping out.

Wilson’s strategy was reactive; when Peter pushed, Wade countered. It wasn’t anything Peter couldn’t handle. He’d wrestled runaway subways that tried to pull his arms off. But what he didn’t expect were the little power moves that distracted from the end goal. Wade Wilson was competitive as fuck.

It began with a thumb stroke, the kind that was more than friendly and meant to soothe, to lure, to seduce. It was combined with genuine eye fucking, expression filled with lust as Wade licked his lips to watch the give and take of their clasped hands. For a second, Peter didn’t know what to think of it. Wade Wilson, charming, insecure, built like a tank, was an enigma. But he did seem to be getting off on –

Oh, shit. Fighting was foreplay.

Peter, confident in his abilities, laid most of his weight and half of his strength against Wade’s forearm. The man’s blue eyes switched from suggestive to shocked, and he doubled his efforts. When he made zero progress, fingers of the left hand wrapped around the edge of the table, the surface groaning under the stress, Peter leaned even closer to kiss the underside of Wade’s jaw.

Wilson’s arm fell to the table for the second time. The rest of him froze against the kiss.

“What the –?”

It was remarkably satisfying. “Agility, baby,” Peter whispered into the shadow of Wade’s cheek. He nuzzled his nose against the scar there, following up on the promise he’d made and licking a stripe from jaw to cheek bone.

Wade groaned.

Peter enjoyed a three-second victory before Wilson picked him up and threw him to the floor. It hurt.

“Ow.”

Wade growled. “You have no idea what you’ve done,” he repeated. Actually, Peter had a pretty good idea that it wasn’t anything to be afraid of. He said so, in fact.

“You can’t hurt me.”

Wilson, straddling Peter, pinning and covering him again, was sweating. He pushed his fingers into the soft part of Peter’s jaw until his tongue was being forced into the roof of his mouth.

“Oh, I think I could, Petey,” Deadpool purred. Needy lips and teeth tugged at the loose skin of Peter’s cheek. “Both physically and mentally.”

Peter tried to swallow, but even breathing was difficult. He inhaled through his nose and found he was enjoying his current position. “You’re not listening. I said ‘you can’t hurt me.’ Because you won’t. You want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid.”

Deadpool dropped his hand and fisted the front of Peter’s (Wade’s) shirt instead. He seemed to be equal parts stunned, thrilled, and horny. Peter took advantage of it and heaved the massive man off.

Wade followed Peter to his feet, reaching out to tackle once more. But Peter moved fast and grabbed a very large handful of muscled ass in each hand.

He hefted Wade off his feet, squeezing with everything he had, and dumped the much larger man onto the bed.

They bounced. Hard. The bed crushed into the wall, snapping the headboard off its bolts and causing it to lean precariously over the two of them. The frame cracked in two and the box spring sank with a whump onto the floor. The wall sconces shook, the end table tipped over and the lamp smashed spectacularly, and dust and debris scattered into the shimmering air around them.

Peter pressed one knee into the crease of Wade’s thigh, digging into the groin area just shy of his very firm package. He spread his fingers, palms open, over the incredibly naked spanse of Wade’s massive chest. Their chests heaved, Wilson’s easily lifting and lowering Peter as his lungs filled and then emptied. No matter how many personalities Wade hosted, Peter had every one of their attention.

“Now,” Peter wheezed, pushing surprisingly damp curls off his forehead. Wade watched the move with a whimper in his throat. “I’ve shown you mine. Time to show me yours.”

Deadpool’s dazzling smile took Peter’s breath away.

“Anything you want, Baby Boy. Anything you want.”

Read on AO3

[starker-raving-mads]

Vampire Slayer AU

Peter Parker was Queen's resident vampire slayer.

Most of the time, it was pretty okay. He went to his cheerleading practice, he staked a few vamps around the graveyard, and he hung out with his besties in between. Steve and Bucky were inseparable, of course, and Wanda and her boyfriend Vis were doing their whole wican-witch thing which was pretty cool, and Strange - the vampire who was obsessed with him in like a byronic hero kind of way, weirdly - followed him around like a puppy any time he was outside of his apartment or school.

It was, well, an existence he supposed.

But his favorite part of the day was hanging out in the library with Mr. Stark. Stark was his Watcher (which sent a thrill through Peter like nothing else the first time the man had said it, making him think about all the things he could watch him do) and the gang's resident tech-and-occult expert. The man was like sex incarnate and Peter could not resist from flirting with him.

Innuendos made while bending over a library table to read out of an ancient text.

Cheerleading skirt riding a little too high on his thigh, showing off his spanx.

Pulling the older man closer than was necessary when danger turned their way.

Peter was obsessed. The rest of the gang didn't get it, insisted that Mr. Stark saw him as "just some kid" or even "you're like a son to him" but Peter saw the way Stark's eyes followed him. The dark want that shadowed his face whenever Peter did something particularly clever or flexible. How the man hid behind the library counter when Peter came in, dripping from his post-workout shower.

And if the teen was anything, it was ambitious and willing to go after what he wanted. And, oh, how he wanted his Watcher.

[sbantyo]

Dad Bod, mom bod, parents bod, Idk

[raml-s-headcanons]

Spideypool "The phone number" 1/1 (or 1/2 idk yet)

Ever since Spider-Man gave Deadpool his number "for emergency calls only, okay?" three days passed.

Wade was SO patient. So so so! Patient, therefore someone should reward him. And Wade decided to be this man, because who'll else?

Everyone who knows Wade for at least one or two days could quickly note, that he has a little nice feral crush over Spider-Man. Everyone except maybe for Spider-Man himself. Of course Wade determined to make "texting Spider-Man immediately" his reward.

That's not actually that emergency, but to be honest Wade didn't say Spidey "okay" back then. So that doesn't count, right? And ALSO he has a little crafty plan.

Wade took his phone and copied the number from the phone book. That was the step number one. Now he's gonna check every possible messenger in the world and find the one where Spidey sign in. That way it wouldn't be a call. Or even a strict boring SMS. Completely another way of communication, even completely un-forbidden for unserious texting!

Well, turns out Spider-Man doesn't like popular apps that's for sure. And Wade on his twelfth try? Maybe he wasn't exaggerating about every possible messenger before. Or Spidey is that creep who avoids everything except SMSs. Or he just have two numbers.

Anyway Wade's a bit down but still downloads every other app on the list in the market. He's almost asleep when he sees a little funny profile picture in the results. Could it be THE Spider-Man? Is it real or Wade's already sleeping or daydreaming?

{nightdreaming?}

[That would be just sleeping.]

"Oh shit. Guys, what should I text him?"

[Should you text him at all? We're not at risk.]

{I can set up us some risking!!!}

"No, thank you. I'll just go the usual way"

{I pity you}

[Don't. I assume he likes the result by the amount of times he does this.]

"Hey!! This is your friendly neighborhood Deadpool Wade Wilson! Don't ask me how i found this app." Send message. "How and why the fuck he chose this messenger? It's a piece of shit. Every button works only if you press it in the corner what."

[Don't ask us big guy, i still don't convinced it's not our wet dream.]

{I can make this our wet dream!!!}

[Please no.]

"A-and he already is.... Why you even can somehow by your will making us horny?"

{Im natural ladies}

"Not the kinks, fucker!"

[Don't start with the "babygirls", we're waiting a message from Spidey.]

"Oh shit. Right."

Wade's trying not to think about tightening feeling in their belly and looking at the phone.

"OH SHIT. Spidey actually responded!"

"Wade?........." 02:14

"How THE FUCK you found this app?" 02:14

"........." 02:16

"It isn't an emergency right?" 02:17

"Is 'i just wanted to hear your voice' counts as an emergency?" Send message.

[Jesus, he didn't think even a second.]

"And i asked you not to ask about the app 👉👈" Send message.

"Also this's just so shitty why are you here?" Send message.

"I needed to copy emojis from the other app just to put it here" Send message.

"Umm, guys is he ignoring us?"

{yes!}

[It's only been two minutes.]

"That's exactly what I'm saying! He's a young man! Young people writes as fast as shit"

{Guys shush!! Hes texTING!!}

"🖕" 02:24

[That's fair.]

"That's not..."

Wade waits sometime, not exactly sure what should he answers to that. It's not quite double-meaning message. Only if he's of course not trying to offer sexual activity.

[He's not.]

"He's not..." {Lads, you do you but ima going to jerk off real quick and go to sleep. Are you with me?}

[Sure.]

"Eeeh, fuck it. Let's go"

"Nighty, Spidey <3" Send message.

{Aww, look at this pathetic little girl}

Wade puts his hand down his pants.

[sugarskulls99]

I love being absolutely crazy and delusional with unlimited internet access.

[ladyyystark]

Yeah, orgasms are good but...

That part of the fic where Bucky and Peter are in a nightclub and Bucky promises to take Peter to properly dance? To teach him how to swing? And he also promises to look for a place where they could dance to 40s music? And Peter is excited to do it?

Ohh my~ (˶◡‿◡)