#where I don’t post anything that may lead to peoples real names

[biancadoes1]

FAVE ANON HERE 😏

It’s been a minute since I’ve submitted but after the vitriol I have seen on Twitter this weekend, I felt the need to speak…

First things first, all of us are brought here with one definitive common thread - we are all fans of Bridgerton. If we were not, we would probably not find ourselves in this fandom at all.

With that being said, if you’re on this blog you are probably a fan of both Nicola AND Luke. More than likely, you want them to be together romantically or believe they already are. And if you don’t want any of that, I don’t know why you’re here reading this posts. This is how you become a troll.

You are allowed to be a fan of one and not the other. This is not a dictatorship and no one is holding a gun to your heads. But this is the point where it is VITAL for me to remind you how many times Nic and Luke have a real love for each other and at the core are best friends. WHAT THIS MEANS IS you cannot call yourself a fan of one of them while simultaneously spreading hate and contempt and overall nastiness about the other one all over social media.

Now I have approached the topic of the RUMORED insignificant others. Did you know that there is no general rule of fandom that states if you are a fan of a character performer that you must also become a fan of any performers they may date now or in the future? WHAT THIS MEANS IS THAT no one is required to become Jake’s #1 fan just because the rumor mill wants to say Nic is dating him. Hell no one has to become his #1 fan if Nic herself came out and said she was dating him. Again, there is no need to speak with malice about his looks or his talent all over the internet but you do not have to be a fan. Same goes for the dancer who shall not be named (I know it’s a trigger for many around here). And if they act in deplorable ways - such as the dancer has displayed in the past - you are allowed to speak out on it while using decorum.

This is ultimately bringing me back to why I wrote this today. Tell me why I’m seeing tweets talking about how Jake is a more successful and more talented actor than Luke. Tweets saying Luke can’t act and how amazing Jake is. These tweets are from Bridgerton “fans”. These tweets are from Nicola “fans”. Based on everything I’ve written up until now, the math ain’t mathing on the word “fan”.

I’m not spreading hate to Jake. Fact of the matter, he’s a 24 year old kid almost fresh out of drama school. He has had one season of a failed show on a streaming network riddled with failed shows. He now has a small part in a movie that probably is not even recognized yet out of this fandom and extreme movie fans - if we’re being honest. Luke is 31 and is on his 4th season of one of Netflix’s top shows. He was the male lead last season and the season broke records. He was on a Disney channel show when he was younger. He was on multiple stage shows on the West End. He’s had many other roles in smaller projects and just picked up a lead role in a new film. While it is considered an independent film, it is a LEAD role.

With that evidence laid out, how can anyone actually say with their full chest that Jake is the better and more successful actor? Oh right they can’t. What it comes down to is the fact that the “Jakola shipping” movement is not based on anything more than being an Anti-Luke Newton movement and it is GROSS. No matter what they tell you, there was no “relationship” being universally talked about prior to late summer. On August 25 those festival pictures were released and some very twisted narcissistic people in this fandom took them and ran with them. They created a narrative to help dictate what and who people in this fandom are allowed to discuss online. They’ve bullied creators off of TikTok and Twitter and gaslight the hell out of everyone when called on it. A 24 year old gay man (OMG I SAID IT) is being bullied on the internet and the blame is fully being put on “Lukolas” when the truth is that no one would be paying any attention to him if this narrative wasn’t perpetuated in the first place. (Side note: if you’re sending hate to Jake on behalf of being a Lukola, please stop. Please treat him like you treat every other one of Nic’s male friends. No one should be getting hate.)

The majority of the hate and toxicity in this fandom stems with the Jakolas Jackholes and those who blindly follow and defend a certain creator. I’m not going to say her name because I know how much she gets off on people talking about her (even when it’s bad) AHAH. This is the shit that everyone else is afraid to say out loud but it’s true. And for those of you in that discord reading this to report back, hiiii!

Oh and if anyone has a problem with this and wants to call me out for being on Anon, let me know and I’ll DM you because I’m not afraid. I’m grownup.

Xx

Finally seeing people with common sense!

My fave anon pulls through yet again.

Everyone say thank you fave anon.

[mrs-stans]

Sebastian Stan Scolds “Hypocrite” Trump at ‘The Apprentice’ U.K. Premiere: “Do You Really Trust This Person to Lead a Country?”

Stan, who portrays Donald Trump in Ali Abbasi's new movie, was asked whether this film debuting so close to the U.S. election could sway voters: "He's been trying to censor this movie, and at the same time, he claims he acknowledges free speech. I can't think of anything more hypocritical."

BY LILY FORD

Sebastian Stan has branded former U.S. president Donald Trump a hypocrite who has attempted to “censor” his new movie, The Apprentice.

The Marvel actor spoke at the BFI London Film Festival premiere of Ali Abbasi’s movie about Trump’s rise to power in 1970s and ’80s New York — in which he stars as the real estate mogul-turned-Republican politician — with the teachings of mentor Roy Cohn (played by Jeremy Strong) guiding him on his ascension.

The cast and crew, including Stan, Strong, Abbasi and screenwriter Gabriel Sherman, appeared on the red carpet at the BFI’s Royal Festival Hall in the U.K. capital.

When asked whether this film debuting so close to the U.S. election could sway voters, Stan told The Hollywood Reporter: “I don’t know, but what I do hope is that people, regardless of their opinion, are curious enough to try to dig deeper. Because I think we’re living in a world where it’s so easy to be handed an opinion everywhere you turn. And I know a lot of people love social media, and that’s where they go for information and for things. You’re being told what to think. You’re being told what to do.”

But, the Marvel star continued, “If you have any inkling of interest, go and really ask yourself: ‘Who is this man? Do you really know? Do you really trust this person to lead a country?’ He’s been trying to censor this movie, and at the same time, he claims that he acknowledges free speech … I can’t think of anything more hypocritical. So at the end of the day, it’s about him as a character. Forget the politics and just go in there and use your instinct and ask yourself: Do you trust this man? That’s what the movie is about.”

The feature film opened in roughly 1,700 theaters across the U.S. last weekend after its debut in Cannes and pulled in an anemic $1.6 million in its first weekend. Trump lashed out against the film after the numbers came in.

“A FAKE and CLASSLESS Movie written about me, called, The Apprentice (Do they even have the right to use that name without approval?), will hopefully “bomb.” It’s a cheap, defamatory and politically disgusting hatchet job, put out right before the 2024 Presidential Election, to try and hurt the Greatest Political Movement in the History of our Country,” Trump wrote in a post on Truth Social.

Sherman told THR: “It’s not surprising [that Trump lashed out]… You’ve seen the film, the first lesson that Roy Cohn teaches him is: attack, attack, attack. So Trump hasn’t seen the movie, but he’s clearly following the rules that are in the movie.”

Sherman also said part of the inspiration for this film was to show Trump as carrying on Cohn’s legacy, as sources who worked on the 2016 Trump campaign told him the businessman was just “using Roy’s lessons.”

The Apprentice received rave reviews and an 8-minute standing ovation after its Cannes Film Festival premiere in May.

[rotzaprachim]

the thing is that in real life I’ve been accused of “only caring about Palestinians” or abandoning Jews or something after Oct 7 because I’ve been so focused on the ceasefire efforts and advocacy, and it’s like, of course I am. If I could bring back anyone killed on October 7 I could but I can’t and so the only thing I can do now is prevent more deaths. That’s what I can do. And on here I’ve now been accused of being a selfish nihilistic white nationalist cryptozionist for talking about antisemitism, because that is the fire I see happening every day on social media and at this point it has now got a body count. And it’s like, we have got to allow people the realization that the best thing we can do is put out fires where we see them. We do what we can. That’s the best we can do. but a few addendums:

Let’s stop assuming peoples opinions based on what they /don’t/ post. There’s so so many reasons people are /not/ posting about things on (anonymous/semi anonymous) social media in particular that governments everywhere /are/ cracking down on pro-Palestine activism and so peoples posting may not be apathy but rule number one of protesting, which is don’t doxx your comrades!

in the immediate aftermath of Oct 7 I reblogged a post with links to support, one of those links ended up leading straight to a group that had celebrated the H AMAs attacks. A day later I saw a post trying to discredit recordings of the attacks and it linked to a website that linked to the daily stormer. This is the newspaper of the KKK. I’ve also reblogged things that were shared by people who have also supported the Russian and Syrian governments continuously. This is not me telling you NOT to support journalists or the need, but it is me telling you how I have been part of the misinformation feed as no well and why I am hesitant to share unsourced information. I will not reblog or post anything that does not have an immediate source link. White nationalists, tankies, and white supremacists are not your friends. They do not care about the Palestinian cause.

I think people are really, really lost on the dangers and extent of antisemitism. I am patently not saying that what’s happening to Jews is /as bad/ or /less bad/ than the absolutely horrific war crimes being inflicted against gazan citizens right now. I am not saying that. I am saying that whole hearted willful antisemitism is being partaken of by a huge sector of people around the world, both white and nonwhite, and I do not think people fully understand there repercussions of it because they think Jews are still ultimately privileged and it ranges from /not that bad/ to /something they’ve all collectively made up to justify war crimes./ I cannot emphasize enough how bad public, violent antisemitism done in the name of the Palestinian cause is to both antizionism and the support of Palestine. This is not a two sides zero sum game, this is something that is actively harming the movement in real time and which people do NOT comprehend is happening in the age of the screenshot, where anyone can get recorded. One of the most significant issue is that attacking Jews and Jewish institutions has now made this a domestic citizen issue in many countries, and that has given Islamophobia and anti-Arab security states a legal prerogative to attack Muslims and Arab communities as well as any Palestinian activism. Calling for the mass death of Jews (even the ones you don’t like) on social media is an incitement to ethnic violence, guys, and it’s made so so much worse when you’ve put a Palestinian flag in your bio. These “neutral” things on social media are having a REAL impact on attacks on Jews AND on legal crackdowns against Palestinian activism.

there are a lot of bad actors out there and both Jewish and pro-Palestine groups I fear have gotten in bed with some really sketchy people because they’re saying what they want to hear. “I hate terrorism and especially Arab terrorism!!!” Is something conservative white nationalists have been saying for years and it’s best if Jews don’t get in bed with those who want to claim everyone is supporting Hamas! Likewise, the idea of “Zionists” and “the Zionist occupied government” or “evil Zionist pigs” has been used by the kkk and other explicitly white supremacist groups for years, and it’s for the fucking best if people don’t deny what actual white nationalists are saying, and don’t decide that everyoneeee calling for the death of the Zionist scourge is their friends.

[hologramcowboy]

You've mentioned that actors should present a certain image of themselves. How can actors do this without getting typecast?

How do you think the industry has changed since the 90s/early 2000s, specifically in terms of marketing? Then vs Now with social media and all.

Sorry for all the questions, I just really like hearing you talk about the industry! You seem quite knowledgeable on the subject. Have a good day!

Please never feel sorry or apologise for asking questions. 🧡

At the beginning of their careers all actors must typecast themselves to fit into the industry. They are meant to find their main types and roll with that and promote themselves accordingly, however, once an actor gains name recognition he has to know when the right moment comes to switch gears and go for the roles he actually covets. An actor has to adapt and shift their branding according to their yearly goals.

In the early 90s/early 2000s actor got picked by casting directors from a huge pile of printed headshots and in person auditions were more common, so was the casting couch (just ask Danneel lol) Nowadays, due to digitalisation and the covid era, casting has shifted greatly to the point where actors who never got opportunities before are now getting cast in prominent roles and they are getting cast in these roles mostly through self taped auditions.This is why an actor’s marketing materials must now more than ever be on point. Jensen needs to decide what type of career he wants and choose projects, headshots, marketing materials, posts, etc that ALL align with that chosen direction. He needs to stop moulding to the character and begin moulding his career into what he truly desires. Dropping the macho outdated persona could be a good point to begin from, it’s not his real type anyway. The more he will focus on nailing his current main types and essence(based on where he deems himself in the following period of time) the more castable he will be.

While for some projects social media followers are important, for most, acting skills are crucial. Today’s market is focused on the Know-Like-Trust factor. In other words, industry professionals must know who you are, what you are about, they must find you likeable and, most of all, you should be a trustworthy professional. Sometimes, being trustworthy may even trump talent or social reach. The Know part is where Jensen is lacking big time, people don’t know what he stands for because he never stands for anything and never takes responsibility. People like him for his looks and charisma but they don’t know him, this is something that will make it very hard for Jensen to end up on shortlists for projects especially as a lead.

Sorry for hijacking your questions to talk about Jensen but I deeply loved them and I always love talking about Jensen too so I married both things.

Overall, I would say that, thankfully, compared to the 90s/2000s minorities are getting more opportunities and geographical borders are becoming more and more irrelevant casting wise due to the self tape options. All the sex scandals have contributed to making the industry safer and there is much more representation for all types of people in tv shows and movies. I am really grateful that everything seems to be evolving towards a more open industry that is no longer afraid to take on heavy topics and create catharsis. Hopefully, I’ve answered questions, if you want more detail about anything just let me know. Sending good vibes you way

[this-world-will-rememeber-me]

Why you shouldn’t joke about Ed Crowder. (An unfortunate rant)

I won’t be sharing the persons username, please don’t share it if you know it but I just wanted to talk about it since although it may have been like 90 years ago but it’s still an issue that is very relevant now.

Key:

Purple = Info Source

Blue = Wikipedia Page

All mentions to the musical are referring to the uk versions (Tour/West End) unless specified

Before I actually start I just want to put out there that I talk about SA, Abuse and violence in general in this post.

This post also isn’t me defending the gangs actions, i’ve spoken about this before and people have told me i’m apparently defending them when that is not the purpose, this is simply just to educate people of what happened to these VERY REAL PEOPLE. Not just musical characters.

Who was Ed Crowder?

Ed Crowder was initially serving a sentence for Bank Robbery up to 99 years and was also believed to have been behind a prison break at Ferguson State Farm where 35 convicts had escaped. As of June 26 1927, 23 convicts had been recaptured and a guard called Will Ruder (if i read it correctly) was killed during the prison break. On May 6 1929, Crowder and another inmate had escaped from solitary confinement but ultimately was recaptured. Here are two articles taking about the events.

Ed Crowder’s name is only said twice in the musical and it is never said what exactly he did to Clyde however, if you watch the UK Tour version, after Clyde receives his sentence to Eastham State Penitentiary/Farm you can see him push his head in between two of the cell bars and then a man approaches him from behind. This man is most likely Crowder judging by how Clyde literally screams after. In West End, you don’t physically see him screaming or see Ed but you can hear him screaming during the blackout before Raise a Little Hell.

What did Crowder do to Clyde in Prison??

Ed Crowder used to prey on Clyde. Quite literally. Barrow was quite small his entire life, according to William Daniel ‘W.D’ Jones, “he was only about 5 feet, six inches tall and he weighed no more than 135 pounds.” It’s believed that Clyde was between 125-135 pounds. Crowder on the other hand was 6 foot and weighed 200 pounds. For most of Clyde’s time in the prison, Crowder had harassed him. Barrow was s3xually assulted and beat by Crowder and possibly other inmates.

Despite Barrow reporting it to the guards several times, nothing was ever done about it. considering it was around sometime around 1930-1931 when this was happening to him, incidents like this in prisons were incredibly common. Guards simply didn’t see any point in doing anything. Most of the guards were amused at how Barrow was being tormented. Some guards even joining with beating him.

Ralph Fults, a member of the Barrow Gang who was also at Eastham at the time, claimed he watched barrow “change from a schoolboy to a rattlesnake”.

Alongside not being helped by the people who were meant to be the good guys in situations like this, Barrow also was teased by other inmates. One example of someone who teased him was Wade Hampton McNabb, an Inmate Building Tender in Eastham Building 1. He was in was the same building as Clyde, despite Barrow not hearing what was being said at the time it was a motive for something the Barrow Gang did around 3 years and 2 months later which I’ll come back to.

Raise a Little Hell

The song Raise a Little Hell takes place on October 29/30th 1931 (the wording of the news report confused me so i’m not exactly sure) and is about Clyde’s plan to end the abuse he is being subjected to in prision. Towards the end of the song, Barrow completes the murder by (although it isn’t exactly said it’s pretty obvious) beating and crushing Crowder’s skull with a Lead Pipe.

Top two gifs by @dontyouknowemma-itsyou ! Bottom gif by @noxexistant

Note about continuity: Although in the Proshot it shows that Clyde got the pipe from his bed, in the West End/UK tour version, he is shown to get the pipe from another inmate. Clyde actually got the pipe on his way back inside from the outside work they were made to do in the prison and hid it in his trousers.

Although, yes, Clyde did kill him, another inmate called Aubrey Scalley took the blame for the murder. The article about Crowder’s death mentions he was stabbed 15 times, Scalley was the one who stabbed him.

“One of the men left his bunk and went back to the rear part of the building” refers to Clyde. Apparently he somehow lured Crowder to the area and that’s how it all went down.

For reference, here’s a picture of Eastham Building 1 (1930). The murder happened just behind the furthest pillar.

Wade Hampton McNabb

This is a separate murder from Crowder. It happened on April 3rd 1934, 50 days before Bonnie & Clyde were ambushed and killed.

During Clyde’s time at Eastham, McNabb would call him his “Prison Wife” without him knowing. Not much longer than two years after his early release from prison Clyde found out what McNabb had said about him and whilst McNabb was on a 60 day furlough he was found dead with his face down somewhere between Texas and Louisiana. Apparently he looked like he had been kneeling down like he was saying a prayer before being hit in the back of the head and a gun being emptied into his head. Read a newspaper article about it here.

Joseph Conger Palmer (Usually just referred to as Joe Palmer) was the one to actually kill McNabb.

Palmer was executed by Electric Chair alongside Raymond Hamilton on May 10th 1934 for the murder of Prison Guard Major Joe Crowson. Crowson was shot 11 times on January 16th 1934 with a rifle and machine gun, he survived for 11 days after before dying due to his wounds.

My point is, maybe don’t make jokes about literal SA. If it isn’t meant to be harmful, still just don’t say it. SA is still a very real issue that happens daily and can be incredibly traumatic. Whether you’re joking about a criminal or not. just don’t. <3

[9w1ft]

So there are pictures out there of Taylor with both Butcker and Gracie who defended his speech. With Butcker she's even interacting and joking. Then Travis likes a Trump post. I've seen so many swifties saying she's MAGA now and they should vote this way as well. The Chiefs dropped the other day merch with Eras Tour which means she's doing another football season, giving them some more publicity and not saying anything throughout the election when now it looks like she's MAGA. Taylor and Travis don't respond to this and do clean up image for the Chiefs. I truly don't know what to think anymore. There is a serious risk here of Trump getting re elected and she's helping with it. I feel like it's time we consider she never cared about any political ideology and it was always about money. I'm so disheartened by this. I fell like she played us all and THIS is actually her.

i wanted to preface this by saying i feel that my response is really inadequate here and to apologize for that in advance. but i felt you might be new or recent and so i felt compelled to play the role of the old man at the cave entrance.

i think that part of kaylor is having that unique perspective that allows you to look at things like these with a little more nuance than other perspectives might have. i think it gives a little more insight into why taylor’s psyche may or may not lead her to do this or that. i don’t mean this as a value judgment. none of this is empirically great. but, i can see how we are here.

anon i want you to know, i’ve been here since 2018 and i am fairly confident that every single year someone has messaged me the last two sentences you did, verbatim. some years many people many times. the paragraphs preceding it are something different depending on what the world events of the time are. and i don’t mean to downplay what you are saying. rather, i want to point out that people have felt like you have every single year in recent years, and will continue to feel this way until suddenly it feels that way no longer. and when that suddenly is is something we just cannot know. no matter how certain you may feel about what’s behind the next bend in the road, you simply don’t know. so it’s important to know that you have a choice now.

if i was so inclined, i could get into it further and explain more than a handful of specific times over the years where the turning point felt promised and the glasses i wore were like those special fireworks glasses you get at the fair or at a festival, the one that turn points of light into shapes, like stars or hearts. everything looks like what you’re looking for. but, try as you might, things are just out of our hands.

you might find yourself seeing hearts all the way til you turn that corner and when there’s nothing and you’re faced with another dash to the next corner of the same building.. you might indeed feel used! but, i want to take this chance to tell you that there’s a better way to go about things. because you can just walk out a bit to the bench over there to the side, overlooking the building and the scenery, and you can sit down and enjoy the view. or, if metaphors arent your thing, i recommend engaging in some local work in your community, or through your job if you’ve got one that gives you a chance to be kind to someone. reconnect with your ability to impact on society and uplift people around you in real life. look out for one another. don’t allow the enormity of things make you believe that you and i can’t make the world a better place collectively.

because if you put yourself at the macro level and convince yourself that the world being fixed hinges on things that taylor does or celebrities do, and that efforts are meaningless in the face of people with massive numbers attached to their names, the world will truly pass you by. we all have but one life to live. allow yourself to be fueled and inspired in your daily life by taylor’s art or the story that you perceive, the parts you find worth fighting for, and better yourself. in other words, you think taylor is using you? well, why not use her to become a better you! and if you feel hurt no matter how you try, and if pop culture’s most successful pop artist mega star is just not the beacon that you had hoped for and if all of this is ruining your life, it’s alright and justified to step away or to diversify what inspires you. you gotta do you!

[la-autismonauta]

Flashback EP 1: Scarlets’ Scrap

BAMF!!! THOCK!!!

“Is that fuckin all?” A scrap, one of many among the streets—too few too many. Spitting some blood from sharply defined teeth one Scarlet found herself in the throes of a particularly brutal asskicking; not that this would be the first nor the last. This is the sorta thing she looked forward to! Taking a step back, our redheaded gal of the hour had been looking to spruce up the night. Irresponsible? Perhaps; damn fun treat despite all other advice going against the grain!

“Da hell is your damn problem?!” The assailant, some bozo with far too much time on their hands, kept swinging punches and kicks and she just…would NOT stop smiling. It was seriously creepy!

“I fuckin SAID…is that all? Ffeh…dipshit didn’t even put any WEIGHT in his punches, all thrust and no torque! Fuckin…HOOUGh!” Scarlet gets a mean slug in the gut for all her mouthy troubles, drool and a bit of blood dripping from her lips as her eyepatch got stained with the red remnants of all her other blood. Why does she do it? What’s the point of it all? Sense of purpose, belonging? Even a masochistic desire born out of both pleasure and a need to be punished? Strange, isn’t it, when you look back to see how someone is after all this time spent in such a loving environment and an actual place to call home. Scarlet doesn’t usually go out and brawl with random people these days, not as often anyways, she’s got more productive things to do these days. Alas, this is not the new and improved Scarlet with better understanding of herself, the fact she had undiagnosed ADHD, and some sense of real belonging. Not exactly having a consistent place to stay was tough to deal with and given everything else in her oddly painful life, ditching parents will do that to ya, she kinda threw herself headfirst into mixed martial arts, the art of fighting…if you would. Pardon the pun but given who adopted her, a woman who already paid more attention to her then her own parents, Crimson has been nothing but a wonderful guardian. Real name Carmen Takao Joan Alfonso they taught Scar everything she knows about fighting and then some! But enough about the present day, now where were we?

“Annoying bitch! You get off on this or something?!”

“Not tellin…~'' What an odd circumstance our feisty fighter had found herself in. As the facts may tell Scarlet simply felt unbearably, bordering on painfully, bored and wanted SOMETHING out of this beautiful night time scene out in the more rural parts of whatever other place they housed up in this month. Fireflies flutter about, the sounds of birds and various other critters make their calls known. So serene, peaceful, nothing at all like the violent beating currently going on in the middle of the street between a few lamp posts. Beautiful in all the weird ways, a fights’ like a dance between two participants, no? Lead in and on, in and out, hopefully don’t step on each other's feet for a cheap shot, you know…the usual. Still, the other fella was scrappy themselves with rolled up sleeves, blood decorating his cheek, and quite the mean mug. Seems they’ve been slugging each other for awhile as the pair could barely get their legs to work—basically stuck like rock 'em sock ‘em robots. A real slobber knocker, a damn fucking fight fest fit for fiends and foes!

“Lady…you got problems!” Not even the self made foe has much patience left for Scarlet and her strange, sharp smiles—damn pearly whites lookin’ like a sharks! So why fight? Neither of them are really getting anything outta this encounter and if anything Scar just seems to want to prove the something of a nonexistent claim: that she ain’t weak. Which she really isn’t, if we’re laying down the chips plain as day. But, maybe something happened? It’s not like this is their first encounter either as this individual has essentially been challenged to a brawl several times since Scar moved to this area and while more than a little fed up with Scar, something about her…everything just keeps them coming back for more. Mutual respect for one another or equally masochistic? Way too many damn questions at an hour like this! Eventually Scarlet manages to muster up enough energy and will to move from her deadlocked position, stumbling forward with her arms swinging below like a mad dog ready to bite! With little warning given she lunges forward and gives a particularly brilliant kick right into the arm of her sparring partner! Eliciting quite the cry of pain as they’re left stumbling back, breath heavy and vision getting a little hazy as this showdown is nearly drawing to a close!

“Yeah, what about it, huh?! Got something else to SAY!” Rather aggressive, a dog with much bite, such is the strangeness that is Scarlet. Ultimately this isn’t a case of sadism being a primary motivator as it’s more a case of just wanting to share her passions with others and seeking a good challenge. But truth be told it’s also a pretty good stress reliever, something even more? Regardless of whatever’s rattling around in her brain her sparring partner just kinda face plants into the asphalt, wiping the rest of the pain off their face as they’d roll onto their back. Scarlet, seeing that this is a fight won and no longer needs to be prolonged, our Brazilian fighter of the late hour collapses alongside their compatriot. Taking in the beautiful stars and sights as the pair slowly get their bearings and wits together.

“How are we even alive…?”

“Sheer will power and stubbornness…” The two share some words as the night's ambience returns once more. Feeling a familiar buzz in her pocket Scar checks only to see just one small thing she’s reflected; her own ma, Crimson. With a grimace and notably more displeased tone, less at her own ma and with herself, she’d slowly sit back up, “Fuuuckkkk….forgot all about ma, sorry but I gots to dip. Same time next week?”

“Eeh…maybe got some business to take care of that time. But I’ll keep ya in mind.”

“Sweet~” Scarlet smiled, springing back up on her feet much to the bewilderment of her sparring partner. Even with how brutal it all was there’s still an air of fun to the whole thing. Possibly irresponsible and foolish but alas…Scar didn’t give a shit, not at the time anyways. Her life didn’t have much going on until she met a particular Salvadoran tomboy which wouldn’t happen for at least a little while. Cleaning out her eyepatch that amusingly still has a functioning eye beneath it—supposedly it’s meant to be a self imposed challenge but really Scar just thought it looked badass. Both peepers red as her half messy self done dye job red hair style, this gals got a lotta spunk!

Once outta eyesight she’d begin texting back Crimson, basically making excuses before just being honest. Despite how ballsy this entire rendezvous was Carmen didn’t display much hostility, more just disappointment and a tinge of worry. Two of the WORST things to be hit with for Scar! Groaning frustratedly she’d gradually start jogging while texting, avoiding all obstacles as she does so in a casually impressive display considering the low lighting and everything. Usually they’re on pretty good terms with each other but Crimson can’t help but express some dismay with how listless Scarlet is—picking fights for no real good reason and just not having a proper outlet for her excess energy and other hobbies to pick up. It was beginning to get a little concerning. She appreciated Scars’ attempts to share her passions yet with all this in mind all this moving around wasn’t doing either of them any favors so they had to figure SOMETHING out.

Eventually, in due time, a fateful showdown would occur that would change Scars life for the better. But that’s a tale for another time. Much as the showing of passions laid bare a brawl can also act that way for two combatants, how fascinating…truly.

[deathlygristly]

Finding new kdrama podcasts by searching for When The Phone Rings. :)

One that I already follow had a podcast episode about the first two episodes of the show. They were like yay it’s awesome and fun, but at the end they were like hey just be aware this is makjang and they said it might be some people’s first makjang.

Makjang shows are basically kind of like soap operas. Although personally I think they’re much better than what I remember of Days of Our Lives, possibly because kdramas usually end after 12 to 20 episodes as opposed to going on for decades. The genre name means exaggerated and over the top.

Also at the end they had a whole spiel about how it’s fiction and not real and of course if you had a friend whose husband was acting like this you’d be concerned, but the show is makjang fiction. And they referenced Boys Over Flowers as the classic makjang which everyone tells kdrama noobs to watch, but also lots of people say to not watch it because it’s about a guy who leads a group of bullies deciding he’s into one of the targets of the bullying and they get together.

I guess - like of course I’ve seen the puritan growth online through posts talking about the horrors of it and making fun of it and trying to educate the youngins about the kink tomato and don’t like don’t read/watch/play/listen, etc.

But I think this may be the first time it’s been so directly involved with something I like and follow, at least where I might see it. It’s just…extremely sad. Imagine how constricted and cold and alone it must be inside the experience of someone whose internet group doesn’t allow them to enjoy fiction on pain of ostracization and harassment. I want to give them a hug and help them get out and deconstruct and recover and learn it’s okay to like or dislike anything you want to like and dislike and learn to trust themselves.

Anyway, am anxiously awaiting Friday and Saturday’s episodes! :)

[theleftpeople]

May is Asian and Pacific American Heritage month so I wanted to make something about it since I haven’t seen many people posting about it.

Specifically I wanted to talk about my job and the significance of the place I work at.

I work for the Angel Island Immigration Station Foundation. We’re dedicated to helping preserve the memory and history of Angel Island.

If you aren’t from California you probably don’t know what or where Angel Island is. Angel Island is an island located in the San Francisco Bay. From 1910-1940 it served as the “Guardian of the Western Gate” working to exclude and deport Chinese immigrants but later expanding to practically anyone from Asia.

During its time of operation around 500,000 people from 80 countries were held here. They were subjected to invasive medical exams and intensive interviews to prove they were who they said they were.

(Note this image and all other images we have of the medical exams are staged. We know they're all staged because standard procedure was to have immigrants strip completely naked.)

The reason Angel Island exists was because of the 1882 Chinese exclusion act. Immigration officials needed a place to house immigrants who were potentially barred from entering the county.

The Chinese exclusion act barred those who were laborers or “likely public charges,” people who immigration officials assumed would be taking resources from the government.

If you were a student, a merchant, or were directly related to a citizen you could enter the country.

These exemptions lead to a number of Chinese immigrants selling their papers or buying identities. Becoming someone’s so called paper child. Most often it was sons but there are paper daughters and other paper relatives.

Becoming a paper child involves memorizing new names, birthdays, streets, villages and anything immigration officials could use to potentially deport someone.

Here’s a list of real questions immigrants were asked while being detained.

What direction did your doorway face?

How many steps are there to your front door

Who lived in the third house in the second row of houses in your village?

It wasn’t enough for just you to answer though. Your family or whoever was vouching for you to enter the country also had to answer the same questions. If either you or your witnesses answered in a way that was incorrect or simply rubbed officials the wrong way you could be subject for further questioning and deportation.

While immigrants were detained many of them graffitied the walls with their thoughts feelings and assertions. A physical form of their feelings and resistance to their imprisonment. Immigration officials obviously hated this and would paint over and fill in any graffiti they found but ironically because of their efforts to erase this part of the immigration experience it preserved it.

You can visit Angel Island today and still see the poetry that these people carved into the walls today. Here’s a photo I took of one of the easiest to see poems since it had the wood putty taken out of it.

This is the English translation.

Detained in this wooden house for several tens of days, It is all because of the Mexican exclusion law which implicates me. It’s a pity heroes have no way of exercising their prowess. I can only await the word so that I can snap Zu’s whip.

From now on, I am departing far from this building All of my fellow villagers are rejoicing with me. Don’t say that everything within is Western styled. Even if it is built of jade, it has turned into a cage.

I'd also like to highlight one of the many people who came through Angel Island.

This is Karl Yoneda. He was Kibei, an American citizen by Birth but educated in Japan. When he returned to the US he was detained on Angel Island. While he was detained he wrote a diary detailing his frustrations as well as his own poetry.

When he was finally released he moved to LA where he became involved in labor politics changing his name to Karl (he was inspired by Marx).

During WW2, Karl and his son were sent to the Manzanar concentration camp. His wife, Elaine, a white woman joined him out of solidarity refusing to be separated from her family.

Karl strongly opposed the Japanese Imperial Government and volunteered to join the US Military Intelligence Service.

After the war, Karl continued to organize and agitate. He helped organize the first pilgrimage to Manzanar as well as pushed for reparations to Japanese Americans who were imprisoned in the camps.

If you want to learn more about Karl or Angel Island in general, I suggest reading through our exhibit Angel Island Mosaic. It has a bunch of other people on there as well whose stories are just as interesting as Karl's.

[merlin-wolfgang-trades-hale]

The McDanno looks of this posts reminded me of a scene of that ‘Danny gets a prince albert to not do anything stupid to spite Steve after he leaves bc of Shelbourne and they never really defined their relationship’ wip I have. So because I don’t at all know what the time table for it is, here’s a bit because I have no self control. 

 “So...this your game plan? Stalk me on my off time?” 

“Intervene, meddle, and crash every ‘date’. Yeah,” Steve nodded, using air quotes on the word date. “That guy was a loser! I did you a favor!”

“What if I just wanted a drink? Huh?”

“You can have a drink with the team, or at my place. Or yours. Cheaper. Better. This wasn’t because you were thirsty. If it were, you wouldn’t be going to an overpriced tourist trap.”

“Alright, maybe it’s not about the drink. Maybe it’s an escape from feeling like an unwanted outsider! Maybe I just wanted a night away from being reminded how far away from home I actually am! Maybe make a friend.” 

That cut deeper than he wanted it to, mostly because even if Danny was exaggerating to make a point, it was still a valid point to be made. Danny didn’t think of Hawaii as home and his leaving probably didn’t make it any better. He wasn’t here as Danny’s boss and only slightly here as Danny’s friend. He was in front of Danny as a remorseful lover who fucked up and wanted to fix what they had. But he’s never had a real relationship. Not one that mattered or that he thought he could be proud of. Or one he wanted to pursue.

He thought of Danny every free moment he had while he was away. Worried for a variety of reasons. About their relationship, first and foremost. About his safety without being there to watch his back, no matter how much he trusted the skills of the cousins. There was more to the job than what they did in the field. He accepted the Governor's offer and all that came with it, and he wasn’t blind that it was offered to him for his status and repertoire. He had no idea what him suddenly leaving would fully mean for the team and their perks once he was gone. 

He could just stand back. Let the pieces fall where they may. Well, he has! The thought of Danny with anyone else literally made him sick. He’ll deny it and have it back up his claim of needing to drive or he’ll get carsick. He even tried giving Catherine another chance in hopes he could go back to whatever he was doing during his time in the Navy to keep suspicion off of him not being straight. But that backfired and he hopes they won’t need help from her any time soon. Maybe in time he’ll forgive her for thinking about Danny and calling out his name when he reached climax with her going down on him but she’s blocked his number and he doesn’t blame her. His concern is still highly on getting Danny back so if it’s a wake up call for each of them at least they knew where they stand now. 

“If that’s all there is then they wouldn’t mind meeting your other friends,” Steve said stubbornly. He fought for what he believed in and after what they had, he had to fight for them. 

“And if I need a life outside of you?” 

Steve wished that would be more sarcastic, but the pain in Danny’s eyes was too real and he hates himself for causing it. 

“I’m not good at being away from you.”

Danny scoffed, “Really?” 

“I had to follow that lead. Maybe it’s pretentious to say I know you understand that, but you do. But I came back. And...it wasn’t because I was born here. Because I have a family legacy here. I came back...because you’re here. If you were to have found a way to get Grace back to Jersey, I’d go there.” 

“If Rachel did another bitch move and took Grace to England?” 

“Honestly? I’d call in some favors to keep her from doing it. But if she managed that bullshit, I got connections with guys who set up living arrangements for people anywhere, and I’d get us a place as close to Grace as possible.”     

“...and if I just want to fuck my way out of the feelings I have for you?” 

“Assuming they don’t run off because I’m looming by or with a black eye then...I’ll wait.”

“Wait?” 

“Until you get bored. Until you get tired. I fucked up, trust me, not a moment’s passed where I don’t remember that, but what we had doesn’t go away. It hasn’t. As angry as you are at me right now...you still care. You want ‘us’ as badly as I do.” 

His biggest fear is being wrong about that. That Danny didn’t care as much as he did, so as much as he hates not being able to automatically pick up where they left off, Danny’s anger at being left behind means he cares. More genuinely than anyone has cared about Steve in too long. Maybe even ever. 

“I need time, Steven...” 

“Good.” 

“Good?”

“Yeah, good. Means we’re not over. Just need to mend.” 

���Can we really be over when we never officially started?” 

“With loopholes like that...even if we go slow in the relationship part...if I invite you over for a beer. Will you come?” 

“...no.” 

“Oh...”

“I honestly didn’t come here to fuck anyone, you schmuck. I can’t right now anyway.” 

“What? Why not?” When Danny didn’t seem to want to answer, he prompted, “Danny, why not?”

“I’m still healing from my piercing...” 

“Piercing? What piercing will keep you fro-” his eyes zero in on Danny’s crotch. A jolt of arousal at the imagery in his mind went straight to his own cock, “You got pierced while I was away, Danno?” 

“Maybe. I got used to certain level of recklessness with you around. Suddenly, everything’s too orderly. And...I didn’t want to do anything stupid out of petty spite I’d regret later. This...ensured it.” 

“Can I see it?”

“You track me down, act all possessive and caveman like and made a show of personally returning the drink someone got for me, and now you’re asking to see me naked?” 

“You don’t have to get naked to show me your cock.” 

“You’re an animal, you know that?” 

“None of that has been a no. Come back to my place. Give me a show.” 

“You haven’t earned a show.”

------

they continue to banter, steve takes danny back to his place, doesn’t get a show but they at least know they want to work through their relationship-y things. 

[pastedpast]

Map of Long Island. Source: Wikipedia.

Recent posts about astronomy have been inspired by my enquiry into whether the groups of stars I have highlighted in yellow in the painting below belong to a real constellation or whether it was a case of the artistic licence on the part of the artist. The painting is called 'Two Friends on the Shore of Long Island' and it was painted by Devin Leonardi in 2009. In my attempt to solve this puzzle I consulted online maps of the northern hemisphere, but couldn't find anything that looked similar; the closest I got was part of the constellation called 'Volans'. I imagined this would not be correct as it appears in the southern sky and would therefore not be visible from Long Island. The shape is only partially similar, also. (Incidentally, the constellation's name is a shortened form of its original name, 'Piscis Volans' and it represents a flying fish).

So, my next step was to contact some astronomical institutes in Long Island, New York, where the scene of the painting is set. I was delighted to receive a quick response from the Planetarium Education Coordinator, Erin Bennett, at the Suffolk County Vanderbilt Museum and Planetarium (website link here). I am posting excerpts and information from our correspondence with her permission:

First email:

We have great views of the northern and southern horizons from here on Long Island. It’s impossible to say for sure, but I believe there’s a strong resemblance between the stars in the painting and parts of the constellations Draco (the dragon) and Cepheus (the king). Both constellations are visible year-round from Long Island (and England) in the northern sky. These constellations are near the horizon just before sunrise in the winter, and just after sunset in the late spring. I attached some images of the northern sky from here on Long Island as viewed around midnight in March, with lines added to emphasize the similarities. The diamond shape is Draco’s head, and the circled star is one of the brightest stars in Cepheus. [See first image below]

A little while later, Erin emailed me again with another idea:

I had another look at the painting and changed my labels a bit [See second image below]. I think the star closest to the top left of the painting may be Polaris (the North Star), and the star below it may be the star at the tip of Cepheus. However, these stars don’t exactly line up with what we see in the sky, so this is also just a guess. Our Planetarium Director suggested that the water looks more like the southern shore of Long Island, with the choppy Atlantic waters, as opposed to the northern shore of Long Island, which faces the comparatively calm waters of Long Island Sound. The artist may have “collaged” stars in the northern sky onto a beach scene on the southern shore.

She also provided me with instructions for me to view the constellations from my own location. and the URL to a program called Stellarium which she used to create the images she sent. The night sky can be explored from anywhere in the world via this link: https://stellarium-web.org/.

In my reply I mentioned my initial discovery of Volans and she agreed that I had been correct to be doubtful. Although part of it is a similar shape, it is never visible from Long Island.

I also told her that the painting had originally been referenced from a historical photograph and Erin explained that:

it’s very challenging to take a single photograph that captures the night sky and subjects here on Earth. It can be done by photographers today with modern cameras and lighting, or by collaging two photographs together, but I’m not sure if the historical photos that Devin Leonardi referenced would be able to capture the stars, ocean, and people in one image. That leads me to think that perhaps he imagined the stars in the photo or referenced more than one image when creating this painting.

It would appear, therefore, that the constellation was invented by Leonardi, which is slightly disappointing as I had hoped (a) it was real and (b) it had some special significance or symbolism which might have added an extra layer of meaning to the painting. But not to worry, my enquiry has led me to research this topic further and learn about other constellations, so it was definitely a worthwhile endeavour.

I am sending Erin a link to this post with my gratitude for all her help. Thank you, Erin!

[april-ars281summer]

project title: Backyard Garden

description: In the last time I tried to record people in the downtown by camera, while in this time, I tried to take this idea a step further after my discussion in the Light and Shadow project about the alienation of people in modern society leading to the suspension of the mind. At this time, I don’t want to focus on those who are mentally suspended, because that doesn’t lead to anything new that are also constructive; however, through the previous project, I reflected that I did not want to follow the trend and be carried forward by this impetuous society. It was my desire to get back on solid ground and start exploring my own path. I am well-aware that I have no power to change others’ minds, but for myself, I can explore my heart endlessly. In Chinese culture, especially the Taoism, there is a philosophical concept of Yin and Yang, that is, we believe that everything has its opposite, and that two opposites are inseparable from each other, where “Yin” often refers to negative and Yang “positive”. So the exploration of my inner self can naturally be projected onto the external world that I am in. The simplest thing I can do is to stop following the external environment, but to calm down, and to re-observe the real world I experienced. Through this project, I will explore some kinds of familiar and unfamiliar details around me that I may have overlooked before and record them into photos. I named this project “Backyard Garden” because it was an escape from the rules of modern society, a return to the world I really live in, and a childlike exploration of all the wonderful things in this world. And these beauties could be served as my backyard garden.

3. OUTCOMES

The project will shoot the outdoor street scene of my living area. The project will present 8 to 12 photos as digital photos on Tumblr.

4. METHODS AND MATERIALS

The project will use a digital camera for shooting, and reference Stephen Shore's "Uncommon Places" for centralized composition and framing of photos. The post will be color-tuned using Photoshop and exported in sRGB color space.

5. REFERENCES

There is a great philosopher in my country names Wang Yangming, and I would like to refer to a book about his story and contributions in the Eastern philosophy, but I don't think it has an English version because this book involves too many Chinese ancient words.

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

I really want to send my original story that the first step of Kitsugi became my writing muse for, but since i submitted it as part of the competition I cannot put it up anywhere on the internet in the small chance that I might get flagged for copyright infringment for my own story

OOF, yeah, that’s a very rough hand of it. I’ve seen those posts where it’s like, people getting dragged in for plagiarizing their own work. Like getting dragged into an office about the work they stole and then the work pulled up is just stuff they put on the internet. But you should know that the mere act of writing something and making it real from your head is creation and that basically makes you god so congrats on being god and be very proud of yourself

[teawitch]

How tumblr created the baby witch phenomena.

No, we didn't do it all on our own but we were a major player.

(Note: I'm writing this from recollection and not going to name accounts. But if anyone needs to do thesis or dissertation on the effects of social media on community and communication - may I suggest deeper research into "baby witch")

So, at no point before tumblr can I ever recall it being a thing to emphasize how new you were at witchcraft. Generally we tended to extend things in the opposite direction, even if we had to work in a few years where, well, we wouldn't have called ourselves a witch if asked about it then but, now that we think about it, it was leading to witchcraft. This meant "baby witch" was definitely not a term, unless perhaps you were at a Wiccaning.

Then came social media and witchblr (tumblr witches). When I first joined, the usual "I've been a witch X years" process seemed to hold. In fact, tumblr made it easier to make claims. Not only because there is no verification process but also because no one could see how young some of the "I've been a witch 5 years" claimants were. (Consider I was coming from a "real world" environment where you couldn't even take classes until you were 18. So a witch would likely heading towards 30 before being able to make that claim.)

Baby Witch

What went wrong.

Witchblr is a lot calmer now than it used to be. Gatekeeping? Nah, we had people building brick walls and throwing stones over them. There was at least one account created so people could yell anonymously about other witches posting on tumblr. Certain people became favorite victims.

Then the battle left tumblr. Well, not so much the battle as the spoils of war. People created tumblr accounts to follow the tags and then screenshot anything they felt that should be made fun of on other social media sites. Suddenly tumblr posts started appearing on instagram and facebook and elsewhere with people pointing out anything they felt was wrong.

The way this was done showed no intention of helping the OP understand witchcraft better but rather an attempt by a few to become "witchcraft influencers" by finding content to make fun of. And it is a lot easier to make fun of people on social media when you don't have to see them for a real person and aren't at any point confronted with the fact that you might be an adult attempting to humiliate a teenager. Not that we should humiliate anyone, but sometimes the accounts seemed to me to be particularly cruel in looking for young victims who might phrase something wrong.

Then it happened. Someone posted "look, I'm just a baby witch..." as part of their post. And we were off. Younger / Newer witches started adding "baby witch" to their posts to indicate - hey, I'm new at this. Incoming witches saw "baby witch" on other people's post and added it to their own. It became a tag and a way to share information for newer witches.

I knew it had migrated away from tumblr when I saw witches on Facebook complaining "why are people calling themselves baby witches?" 

Because we made them do it.

It's not like the communities overall attitude has changed that much. If it had, the whole baby witch thing would probably have faded away by now.

[yukidragon]

hey skimming the swwsdj tag, you seem in the know! why do people keep tagging art of jack alive and out of costume/persona as Joseph? in the green tape its the therapist or "psychic consultant" who introduces himself to Jack (Haberday) as Joseph Kimley. so whats up with that?

That’s because we’ve been given some lore teasers on the official Sunny Day Jack twitter that hints that the character affectionately nicknamed “Jacktor” (the actor known as Jack) was originally named Joseph Cullman. This missing poster in particular leads us to believe this to be the case, and this disciplinary report further hints at it.

A man named Joseph Cullman, who happens to have a very distinct look and a mole near his left eye, resembles the behind the scenes actor for Jack, as shown here.

There’s also teaser art that may or may not be canon that used to be publicly posted on Sauce’s twitter.

As you can see here, the glimpse of the rebellious kid Jack used to be matches very closely to the hints given in the missing poster and disciplinary report. I will say though that anything not posted on any of the official pages like the twitter, tumblr, kickstarter, or patreon should be taken with a grain of salt when it comes to the lore of the game. The game is still in development and is changing all the time, and some older art like this is technically non-canon until it shows up on an official source.

While I’m on the topic, all credit for this gorgeous art of dubious canonicity goes to the awesome Sauce. Consider supporting them and the rest of the Snaccpop Studios team, and remember not to repost anything privately posted on the patreon.

I went into thorough detail in this post about what we know so far about Joseph Cullman’s childhood. I also transcribed the audio where Jacktor talks with the psyche consultant here.

From the hints we’ve been given, it would seem that Joseph Cullman ran away as a teenager and changed his last name to Haberdae after the high school he fled from. Did he change his first name too? We don’t know yet, so the fandom tends to call the actor who played Jack Joseph or Jacktor because of this.

Why is there another character named Joseph in the story? That’s a good question. In real life, a lot of people tend to have the same first name. In fiction, it’s usually for some narrative reason. We’ll just have to see for sure when the final game comes out, or if the team blesses us with more teasers that are a lot more solidly canon than lovely pictures like this one.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur

[perfctvelvet]

Something Over Nothing

Zendaya/Reader

Content: ex-lovers, angst, implied cheating, smut, oral, thigh humping. 18+ only!!!

Author's note: Planning to post the Dua fic later this week! Also working on a series idea for patreon, but I'm not 100% sure about it. Anyway, enjoy!

“I don’t want to make this any more confusing than it already is.”

“How is it confusing? I think everyone would understand that we’re giving this another shot. And, if someone asks, we can just say we were taking a break.”

Y/n sighs in frustration. Zendaya has a gleam in her eyes, showing off her ardent optimism. She is 100% all in this, but Y/n isn’t sure what ‘this’ is. Yes, Zendaya was becoming present in her life again after months of not being together, but Y/n struggles to see where that equals their relationship rekindling; if anything she thought they were closer on the path to just being friends. There has never been any discussion of what they have — that is something Y/n is trying to avoid.

“That’s not a good idea,” is all she says, much to Zendaya’s frustration.

It’s going to take a while for her to budge, especially with the way things ended between them. It took her some time to simply even talk to her ex-girlfriend. Zendaya is at their once-shared apartment almost everyday now. Sometimes she cooks breakfast or dinner. She sometimes even sleeps in the same bed as Y/n when they’re both too tired after fucking each other. The lines were blurring and it’s because Y/n is allowing it which leads Zendaya to believe they’re in a better place.

Zendaya had made her favorite meal last night. The warmth between the two of them last night left her feeling hopeful about amending things. They felt like a couple in love again. She was even further emboldened to think that when Y/n invited her into her bedroom that night. There wasn’t that familiar lustful look in her eyes, instead she was inviting her in because she simply just wanted to be with her. It made Zendaya feel missed and loved. If she knew that it wasn’t a sign of them headed in a favorable direction then maybe she would’ve declined and just fell asleep on the couch.

“You never wanna talk about this! Everyone thinks something is up. My parents are asking about us — my friends too. And every time they ask I have no clue what to say to them.”

Zendaya gets real solemn and quiet, running her hand over her tired face as she sighs. Y/n has never, ever made this easy. She hates to call Y/n difficult, but it frustrates Zendaya how she’s constantly ignoring the obvious.

“Does everything we do mean nothing?” She continues.

Y/n scoffs as she begins to feel a little cornered. This is a topic Zendaya can go on and on about for hours, but Y/n struggles to entertain it.

She’s not using Zendaya like she may be implying. It’s just hard when she feels the pressure (and it’s not just coming from Zendaya) of trying to get back together. Things were very tumultuous at one point, and just because they’re both doing better now doesn’t mean she’s ready to just jump back in. Y/n can admit that she enjoys her company and still has deep feelings for her, but it’s hard when deep hurt also exists inside of her.

“It’s not just about sex. Not to sound like I have a big head, but there are plenty of people I can just sleep with.”

“Well you’re giving me whiplash! You know how I feel about you, and sex complicates things.”

The way Y/n clings onto her and cries her name while she’s fucking her allutes to there being emotions attached to sex together. Y/n is gorgeous so she could easily find someone else to see or fuck, but she’s deliberately choosing to spend time with Zendaya and sleeps with her. That has to mean something.

It means something, but Y/n isn’t ready to jump into the deep end of the pool. She’s much more comfortable letting Zendaya slowly slip back into her life. She was becoming a part of her daily routine again; making breakfast in the morning, sometimes stopping by her job for lunch, and helping her unwind in the evening. The way she lifts the small burdens off her shoulders is much more appreciated than the grand declarations of love.

“I want to give us another shot,” Zendaya admits something everyone, including Y/n, in the entire world already knows. “You still mean so much to me.”

Y/n sighs in frustration. She wonders how Zendaya must feel about having to beg for this. She feels bad because she knows it must hurt to be shut out like this. However, she’s putting herself first — and she is telling herself to take it slow.

“I just don’t want to rush into things, and I won’t. That’s where I stand and I’m not moving on it.”

Although her words would sound like rejection to others, to Zendaya it sounded like a second chance is still being considered. That means something to her.

“Okay,” she says slowly as if accepting. “Okay,” she says again.

So, where do they go from here? Continue to act like they’re together again like they have been doing for the last month or so? Or will Y/n eventually go back to icing her out?

“Well, Y/n,” she hesitates for a split second. Her mouth gets dry, knowing her next words could ruin everything. “I won’t stick around forever…I can’t.”

Zendaya has never used herself as leverage with Y/n, it was usually the other way around. Y/n was stunned by the shift of tone in her voice, nearly putting everything into perspective. Even if she means what she says (she doesn’t though), Y/n realizes that the thought of not having Zendaya around makes her heart race. She’s been linked with other women before, but she never took is seriously because she always came around despite them no longer being together. Y/n honestly doesn’t believe Zendaya will stop coming around, but the threat scares her. Zendaya could very well give up on trying to rekindle a relationship with her and it would be absolutely devastating for both of them. Having Zendaya follow her around like a little puppy was fun — she can’t lie — however, she truly loves her presence being around. She’s too stubborn to admit it, but Y/n loves her being around. Zendaya has changed since they're relationship ended and while some of her new habits are new to her, she doesn’t mind them.

“You don’t mean that,” Y/n says weakly. She hopes to the high heavens that she really doesn’t mean that.

“Maybe I do.”

Zendaya’s voice is also weak. They’re both two liars who want each other very badly.

Zendaya can understand Y/n’s hesitation to want to jump back into a relationship with her. She has been a bit eager which she can admit. It’s hard for her to discern what is real and fake; she’s not good at simply just hooking up.

“But you’re the one who wants to keep trying, you said it yourself.”

“I did, but something has to give, Y/n. This isn’t fair to either of us. I don’t want to lay down with you knowing it’s not going anywhere. You make me feel good and not just physically. I just want you to see that this still means something to me.”

Y/n didn’t intend for the conversation to go this far. Zendaya is always willing to spill her feelings though and she figures this has been bubbling under the surface for a while. All she can offer her ex is a “sorry,” but she isn’t exactly sure what she is sorry for. Zendaya accepts it anyway and gets up to go get started on dinner. Y/n really doesn’t want to be alone right now, but she is unsure how to approach it.

She follows her into the kitchen about fit minutes later. She rests against the corner just watching Zendaya where she looks distracted. The guilt is starting to sink in. All of the homemade meals she’s been eating lately were made by her ex. Zendaya always said she knew how busy Y/n was and always made sure she had something to eat after work.

“Z,” Y/n’s voice almost cracks as she speaks. Her skin grows hot in embarrassment of both her weakness and why she’s standing in the kitchen’s entrance. Zendaya turns around and looks at her with an unreadable look on her face until it becomes one of shock when Y/n says sorry again. “I don’t want to fight with you. I wanted to have a normal day with you.”

A normal day with each other.

A “normal day” for them is Y/n coming home and then spending the first 30 minutes pretending there isn’t any sexual tension between them before they cave. She just wanted today to be the same. Zendaya feels a little guilty for throwing their day off by pressing her with uncomfortable questions. So she’ll be the one to make sure the day ends like a “normal day.”

Y/n understands what’s happening when Zendaya turns the stove top off and approaches her. Their argument seems so trivial when she raps her arms around Y/n’s waist and presses their lips together. She always had a way to make Y/n melt, which always pissed Y/n off. Zendaya’s soft eyes, warm embrace, and loving touch always pissed her off. She wanted to be strong enough to withstand the affection, but it was nearly impossible.

“Y/n,” she moans her name as if she’s touched her yet. Y/n is aware of the effect she has on Zendaya, she has used it to her advantage many times before.

Y/n feels herself being lifted up and she makes things quick by hopping onto the kitchen counter. The kissing intensifies as Zendaya leans into her. Her back meets the wall causing her to groan into her mouth. The vibration drives Zendaya crazy. The existing frustration is taken out in this bruising kiss.

“You taste so sweet,” Zendaya moans before kissing Y/n again. No candy she’s had as a kid could compare to this. Zendaya can’t think of the last time she has wanted someone so bad.

The day has been so long and Y/n is just so tired of fighting. She gives into her desires, what her body craves, and her ex-girlfriend’s touch.

Her legs get thrown over Zendaya’s shoulders, and her face between her thighs heats her up. She can feel her breathing against her covered sex. Zendaya feels privileged that she’s allowed this. She kisses Y/n’s bare thigh once and then again for good luck. Her hands grip the underside of her pretty thighs.

“I’m so lucky,” she whispers, voice muffled by Y/n’s thighs, but Y/n moans regardless.

Y/n bucks her hips which causes Zendaya’s nose to press into her clit. She likes when Y/n is this eager for her because she’s always willing to oblige. Soon her panties are on the floor and her wet tongue is pressed flat against Y/n’s clit. She cries out as Zendaya spoils her sensitive nub. She thinks the kitchen might break if she grips it any harder.

Her clit rolls against her tongue before she takes it into her mouth.

“Oh my god!” Y/n’s voice cracks as she whines.

The pleasure Zendaya brings her is something she’ll never get over. She almost thrashes around from the overloading of her senses. The sound of her ex-girlfriend’s lips smacking against her pussy makes her want to cry. She’s so good at paying attention to detail, licking her in the way Y/n loves until she hears that strangled “baby, baby, baby…”

Y/n is embarrassingly close to cumming on Zendaya’s tongue. She’s sure she could go for longer like the energizer bunny, but Y/n already feels ready to tap out. Despite the death grip on her, her thighs tremble beyond control.

Zendaya’s grip slips from her thighs so two of her fingers can push into her. Her pussy engulfs her in wet warmth, making Zendaya moan. She looks up at Y/n, a gleam in her eyes, and tells Y/n not to cum just yet. Y/n throws her head back and lets out a frustrated groan. Zendaya’s fingers are hitting just the right spot; how could she not cum when it feels this good?

“You were desperate for it,” Zendaya teases. She likes seeing Y/n squirm, especially after she tried to put a wall between them. “Throw a fit when this is all you wanted.”

Her walls keep sucking Zendaya’s fingers in, making it a challenge to pump them in and out of her. Y/n’s needy body is so fun to watch as she withers away under her ex’s power.

“It’s okay baby, you can cum for me now.”

Zendaya’s ability to read her body irks Y/n to no end, but all she cares about is having her permission to cum. She gets over being embarrassed about it feeling “too soon” to cum and lets go. Zendaya kisses her thigh as Y/n creams on her fingers. Arousal seeps out through any tight space it can manage to. It feels so obscene to watch it happen up close. Zendaya leans in and licks the exposed parts of her fingers, and Y/n’s clit in the process. Y/n shivers from the feeling.

“Good girl,” Zendaya coos. Her gingers slide out and she admires how messy Y/n is, “you look so pretty like this. This pussy cums so much for me.”

Y/n was embarrassed, but it’s true. Just because they haven’t been together in a while doesn’t mean Zendaya forgot how to play her body. She remembers every single thing that sets her off. Her thighs tremble and she tries to shut them, but fails because of Zendaya’s body placed between her legs.

“Z,” she whines. She’s out of breath, but she knows Zendaya wants more out of her.

“I know baby,” she kisses her inner thigh again. “I know it’s too much, but you can take it. I love you so much, you’re such a good girl.”

Zendaya stands up, ready to press herself against Y/n, but not before unbuttoning her shirt. Underneath is a familiar white tank top. It looks like any regular tank top, but Y/n notices the shad near the shoulder which is evidence of a time when she got too carried away. She can never help herself when Zendaya is feverishly going down on her, or filling her up to the point she feels like she’s being split in half. When it just feels too good, all Y/n can do is whine for her.

“Too much,” she cries, yet she’s opening her legs again.

Zendaya’s embrace is soothing but her body is so close to Y/n’s that it has her riled up. Her comment about it being ‘too much’ begins to sound like a lie when she starts gyrating her hips. Her pussy was looking for pleasure again, so Zendaya gave it to her. She pulls Y/n close to the edge and places her leg between her thigh. Y/n instantly begins to grind against her; humping wildly. She reaches her hand down between them and begins to rub her through her pants. Her movements are sloppy and uncoordinated, but she wants to make Zendaya feel good too.

The two engage in a sloppy dance of admiration. Y/n can’t help but feel a little guilty about letting this happen. She’s strong until the very last minute where she destroys her own boundaries just for a taste of pleasure.

She would’ve suffocated in it if it wasn't for the obnoxious ringer interrupting the two of them. She whines embarrassingly loud when Zendaya pulls her leg away and she Y/n no longer feels any pressure on her clit.

“Shit.”

Zendaya is just as annoyed as Y/n when she realizes that the ringing is coming from her back pocket. She doesn’t want to answer, but with a sigh she reaches into her back pocket to see who is interrupting them. She hoped it was just someone a part of her team or a family member she wouldn’t mind sending to voicemail. However, the name on the screen made her heart race, and she knew she couldn’t miss it.

“Hey, what’s up?”

Her tone changes completely causing Y/n to become curious. She has heard Zendaya talk on the phone with family, friends, and manager so many times before that she knows what the distinction is. The way she answered the phone is reminiscent of a time where their relationship was something new.

Y/n can hear the voice on the other side of the phone, but she can’t quite make out what they’re saying. Zendaya’s face is hard to read which just agitates her even more. The feeling in the pit of her stomach makes her feel dizzy and nauseous.

“No, no, I didn’t forget I just got caught up with something.”

Something.

Zendaya had to turn away from Y/n as she spoke on the phone. She was desperate to end the call, knowing that she was in the wrong, but she was stuck. She won’t be able to face Y/n once she ends the call.

“Okay…okay…sounds good…I’ll see you soon.”

Neither of them look at each other. Y/n hops off the counter and pulls down her skirt. She feels like someone’s mistress, but it isn’t fair. She was here first, and she always will be here.

“Y/n-“

“It’s okay. You can go.”

Y/n doesn’t turn around to face her which makes Zendaya feel even worse. It’s truly both of their faults for getting themselves into this mess and playing this game, but Zendaya can’t help but feel like she bears most of the burden. She shouldn’t be seeing anyone else while trying to figure things out with Y/n.

Nothing else is said between the two as Zendaya gathers her things and Y/n lets her out the front. She’ll be back tomorrow, Y/n is sure of it, but she hopes that they can both get their shit together by then.