#when you search certain things
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I have googled drug interactions & overdose symptoms for meds I am *prescribed by a doctor* and had Google offer me suicide prevention sources. It's *incredibly* frustrating to try and research how to safely take meds I'm on and instead get "don't kill yourself! there's hope!" for multiple pages. Like thanks google, wasn't where my head was at, I really just wanted to know if I can have some wine with dinner or not???
Need to get some reference images let's see if google decides I'm gonna kill myself.
#idk i really don't think this strategy of having helplines come up instead#when you search certain things#is actually the best harm reduction strategy#given it makes it so difficult to do *actual research* and get quality info#like oh thanks for 3 pages of helplines + treatment centers + quora results#that doesn't actually answer any of my questions or provide actual harm reduction info tho#like genuinely if someone who cuts is trying to do so in a harm reduction way#but all the results are just 'noooo!! it gets better!!!'#who does that help?#the person is still gonna cut#but now they don't have good information on how to minimize risk doing so
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Lately I've been missing my family a bit and I have to keep reminding myself how much I wanted to die literally every day while sharing a house with them lmao like it's. Wild how easy that is to forget
#its....complicated#because i cant hold a grudge against anybody for long#and like. ive done a FUCKTON of soul searching and self analysis since then and i know i did things wrong too#and its. so so easy to just let all that blame and guilt fall on myself#but i cant do thar#because it *wasnt* all me. somebody doesnt try to kill themself multiple times jist for kicks there HAS to be a motovator#and yeah that was my mother lmao no two ways about it#but its...foggy. ive had almost 2 years without her and im losing some of the dread#which is good but at the same time. idk. i guess something something when you carry pain as a part of yoy for so long#its difficult to put it down#theres certain conversations i havent read since they happened but maybe i should just to remind myself#like...i left for a reason. i cut ties for a reason.#i need to remember that
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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Just finished young royals and now I’m sad
#searched if there would be another season while I was on season 3 episode 4 (lol)#i might have connected the dots by the set up of the last episode#sad there isn’t more#but honestly it makes sense for the story#like is the ending ending realistic probably not#but they told a whole story#and I think it’s good that they aren’t extending it for the sake of extending it#bc that’s when thinks are risked to be ruined#it gave me dead poet society vibes#i feel like they tied up loose ends well#i felt like I always wanted to know more about certain characters#such as august#all of the characters are so rich#but that also feels authentic to the story that you don’t know everything#young royals#now the question is will I potentially alter or ruin my feelings towards the ending by watching reviews. tbd#my bad habit is watching reviews and then following their review in part#sometimes it is also one of those things where once you hear it or once you see it you can’t take it back and you can’t unsee it
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(credits to ssruis)
This song is the only thing keeping me going I do not play about mr showtime 😞 nothing ruined me (made my life better) the way this song did
(Sendn. Me songs to do this with in my ask box… sniffle…)
#circuses? heh.. yeah.. im familiar… jesters? oh#even better…. rellakinoko? now hold on this is already gonna be good… tsukasa tenma? im sold. the fish has been captured. im followinf the#sirens into the deepest parts of the sea and wont be coming back. Unfortunately i had gotten t1k (t571) on ensekai for phoenix and am still#bitter about it. Emu and nene came home but the ugly blonde didnt. This is why we’re having problems tsukasa#i have a mr showtime themed custom profile that needs to be finished aand i gotta work on my one for#tsukasa4#ill be more prepared for that one im certain of it#knocking on wood#PRAYING.#t500 would have been nice you know… unfortunately i ran out of resources.#i think the amount of time and love ive poured into making everything abt this event makes up for this though. Also this is gonna sound#obnoxious but i feel like one of the five people who actually. You know. Get the event. Like its importance which ill elaborate on in a#future post. Everybody wants to talk about this event but nobody wants to read the story#and the side stories Guysss ur missing out its so good when youre not forcing urself to think tsukasa has an ed and dont even know a single#thing abt acting yet believe one google search can prove that method acting is Absolutely Totally Going To Ruin His Life#i dont think fasting was alright it was pretty stupid but what he did doesnt make him have an ed or this or that#I do think you should be very. Very careful with method acting by the way. That can mess you up. But i dont think thats where theyll be#taking tsukasa in the future. Yes itd be nice to show the risks and get a You know be careful but its not as dark and This is gonna ruin hi#😞😨My poor baby!! As people think#omg i got sidetracked LET ME TALK ABT THE BINGO???1?1? Easily distracted ass#Uhm. Where do i begin. Nvm i dont wanna write too much more but this song truly does mean the world to me#And rella’s art is so goood my eyes are always glued to it. For some reason i keep having trouble fcing the expert chart for it on ensekai#ut was just fine on jpsekai. Frowny face. I could listen to the song all day though#Those instrumentals are popping offff i tell you#hidden circus#wonderlands x showtime#wxs#wansho#commissioned song#prsk
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u don’t need to be qualified, i just want a friendly voice!! anyway: today i was on a second date with this girl i met on tinder, and it was nice. like the conversation flowed and i had a good time, but there was no chemistry i guess? like there wasn’t a ✨spark✨ or anything, it was just comfortable. i’ve been on plenty of dates before but never got past a third one with anyone, let alone been in a relationship (even though i desperately want one lol). she texted me saying she would like to see me again. should i give this a chance or keep chasing that spark? i’ve only felt it with one person before but it didn’t work out with her, obviously
hi ! this is actually how it was for me and my ex, i didn't rly feel a spark on our dates but i did feel comfortable, like hanging out w an old friend :) we eventually got together and had a 1yr+ relationship, and i rly don't regret it! we're still good friends and i think a part of that is having had that sort of friendly vibe from the start
it's all your choice, but i think maybe stop trying to chase the spark w this particular person, and just enjoy their company! if it is the case that they're clearly looking for something more w you and you don't want that w them, or maybe they feel a spark but you don't, then absolutely communicate that w them! but otherwise, it might be worth just meeting them! dating can be fun bc you can see several ppl at once, you can look for The Spark elsewhere and in the meanwhile enjoy a friendship/fun hangouts w this person <3 it's only the 3rd date, so you don't have to pick between them and others right away i think !
#also u mentioned you were desperately looking for a relationship? i think if you place that expectation of like...A Spark or a magical#moment onto dates bc ur trying rly hard to find smn as fast as possible maybe it might actually be harder to find them#like sometimes it's good to go w the flow of things and hang out w ppl you find fun (let it bloom into a friendship and not a romance if#thats where things are going) and be open to experiences; its the most u can do and i think it might be better than like. searching#for a spark or comparing it to the feeling you had w a certain person. no two crushes and no two loves are the same. maybe you will find#that spark again w someone but maybe you will feel something different ! maybe it will just as intense as that spark or maybe it will be#a comforting/relieved/familiar feeling! it might feel like lightning or it might feel like a warm hearth! u truly never know ! esp when it#comes to dating apps just have fun :) as long as u communicate clearly w them when u decide u are/are not interested etc its all good#asks#anon
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okay sorry for the random ass post but i have to do some spring (fall) cleaning i guess
south p*rk is grossly antisemitic among many other things. it cant be "reclaimed" or "consumed critically" because at the core of its concept, it is hateful. its not satirizing bigotry in any way. get well soon. thats for person 1.
for person 2, youre really honest to god shitting your pants about "censorship" in skullgirls when the most notable thing they censored was the n*zi imagery. everything else censored can be summed up as "this article of clothing had its movement changed by half an inch." thats not even going into how the original design choices were made by a fucking sexual predator. get real and get out.
#sorry for getting heated on the brawl game blog. im going to shower now if anyone misbehaves when i come back im fucking killing you. okay.#i would block these fools but its really annoying to do so on a sideblog so i always forget 😭#also i censored certain things so they wouldnt show up in someone's term search#because i dont want to have 8292847 losers trying to argue with me on the fucking brawl sideblog
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Me rewatching True Detective, fully knowing of the fact that I'm incapable of being normal abt anything, and finding myself getting increasingly more insane about it as the days go on: ah look it's consequences of my actions
#this is why theres certain things i feel like i can never rewatch/reread again bcs they will take over my life#generation kill? i keep delayinf watching it even tho i rly want to bcs i know its just gonna take me over again#i didnt think id get obsessive abt true detective#bcs when i watched it the first time i noted that it had a fandom but didnt get into it at all#so im like yeah okay this is safe to rewatch! i like it a lot but its not gonna make insane#guys. i regret to inform you i feel insane.#lol also sry this whole break has been me rediscovering old fandom loves#so i keep having to be like 'WHY DID I GET BACK INTO THIS'#its just a stop gap i think tbh#BUT WHY DID I GET INTO THIS SO SOON BEFORE F1 COMES BACK UGGHHHHHH#also i think another factor is that have no one to talk abt vett/onso meta or AUs with#so my brain is just constantly searching for smth to latch onto#i keep getting sucked into old things and rediscovering my love#and its all very fufilling but ah man it makes me feel so insane ig#love bursting out of its seams and all that#haha just hoping tho main fandom will be a bit more active and communicative once it starts up again#stop my eyes from wandering anf all that#but anwyays yeah. i feel sooooooooo crazy abt TD#every time i watch another ep my brain is like 'man i wanna rewatch from the very start again'#im very loath to finsih things yknow?#theres a difference btwn completely starting smth over when you finish it#and savoring the world youre in before finishing it#yeah you can watch smth an endless amnt of times. but theres smth abt existing in that space btwn the start and the end#but aaaaghhh every aspect i just am so desperately into it#catie.rambling.txt
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zero and yuki is a deep cut, people suffered
not to be anti-feminist on main but looking back Yuki was annoying as hell and Zero deserved better. having said that #grateful to know I had good enough taste to ship Zero/Yuki even if I had bad enough taste to engage with that series at all
#it’s because my local blockbuster only had so much anime and I went through almost all of it#the worst consequence of this was watching Zero no Tsukaima and#no sorry that was my foray into illegal streaming. the worst consequence of blockbuster dvd selection was love hina#the best consequence was excel saga#sorry just had to look up what love hina was called [google search 2000s harem anime] and - just recalled -#kyo kara maoh ……….. premise ahead of its time#I did read the manga as well for vampire knight at least up to a certain point#hey speaking of vampires . and gay people. and bad anime.#uragiri wa boku no namae wo shitteru…………..#sorry about these tags anon when you asked about one thing and now I’m thinking about the epic highs and epic lows of 2000s anime#I still have the OPs and EDs to vampire knight in my iTunes library. they slayed!#kira for ts#ask#anonymous#so funny I watched so much anime based solely on what was available to me at blockbuster#which is how I somehow never saw some classics#by the time I had streaming access I was a) scarred by my first attempts to find things myself (see above)#and b) subsequently already seeking out That Gay Shit (see above)#and I do mean illegal streaming. let’s be clear on that one#please note absolutely nothing mentioned above is recommended viewing. I’m anti-recommending it all
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specifically looking at the hewitts since granted i know more on the remakes than the others but,
the hewitts only got vague, limited police action looking into them in '03 after erin chops thomas' arm off and gets away. and even though theres' coverage of it and everything, that literally ONLY happens after 4-5 straight years of the hewitts doing what they do, from 69-73 in terms of solely the remake timeline.
that's still a shitton of time to be ACTIVELY killing people to y'know. not fucking die yourselves. then combine that with the sawyers - their additional family members, their own trails of ruthlessness added into the mix, and this entire combined family unit likely has kill counts all around in the hundreds if not even way past that.
but even with the police involvement in the remakes?
its all SO SLOPPY, its hardly conducted with any real CARE about their own well-beings. like??? ya'll went into that house while THOMAS was STILL THERE... didnt even SECURE THE HOUSE.....
and even with the found footage? no arrests, presumably. the remaining hewitts are still at large, thomas is still at large. like... all ya'll did was corral them to their fucking confusing ass tunnel system and made luda (if we count the comics) far more involved and ruthless in the actual killings than she was in the movies lol
and yes technically speaking with charlie's death that could sever the stronghold they've got on the police and sheriffs' around them - but at the same time - how bad would it look of them to SUDDENLY flip a switch and try to unpack the years worth of missing persons, cold cases, murders, kidnappings, break-ins, assaults, etc etc that they swept under the rug? that's WAY too much man power, esp for back then. no one is gonna do that shit.
so. i truly dont think they have much to worry about even in the event of charlie dying - because the fear and influence they've instilled stands for law enforcement to continue to do fuck all - to save and cover their own asses.
#[ ♡ ] ── * the hewitt family. / 𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦.#its incredibly tragic because like. its so OBVIOUS something GOD AWFUL happened to this group of kids? theyre literally needing some rough#medical attention yknow. its so fucking clear they went through something BAD. and yet? crickets. theyre shrugged off. dismissed.#given the cold shoulder. told their friend(s) simply ran away. told they mustve been high or on something and cant recall clearly.#even between maria going missing to pre-basement brawl its like. NO ONES taking them seriously. everyone in towns they search in dismiss#them. no ones seen or heard anything. LEO's are just. useless and rude and telling them not to interfere. telling to go home. telling them#to let them handle things when it becomes VERY obvious they just dont give a shit - that theyre avoiding certain locations#like yes i moved maria's timeline of being missing up but like - even while the searches were still considered active? there was barely any#movement or care or concern or manpower that the depts were gathering or investigating. like. how does someone vanish into thin air?#like they tried to imply maria must've - at some point? they were so out of their league so roadblocked so dismissed every step of the way.#maria with the attempt of a search and youre nearly found!!!....and then youre told your friends all left...and they never came remotely#close to where youre kept to find you. lee with sacrificing himself hoping it gives the rest of them a chance to get away - that someone#lives in order to rain down hell on the family in the sense of justice and yet. not a word is said over broadcasts about him - at least#nothing substantial. no search. no missing persons report. nothing. and then danny? my dan the man? the guy with little family ties?#my guy with a strained relationship with his father? whose only friends are again in the situation of 'no one believes us'?#you think theres even a PEEP about him whatsoever? in any capacity? my guy would be lost to the ether - literally. NO ONE but the#friends would ever give a shit if he went missing.
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listen all i'm saying is that enough avenues are left intentionally open for narrative choices to be canonized whenever it is convenient for devs, and that this can be easily exploited for the greater good. i need theorists to get on that gay shit and i am being so fucking serious right now.
i could solve at least three plot mysteries that have been "plaguing the community for years", easy. sometimes people are just gay, matthew.
#texts.#idk i'm new here and tumblr's search system is trash but as someone who's been in fandom for 15+ years#i'm SURE meta writers are still a thing.#and i'm certain someone out there has been crafting their own canon compliant theories through a queer lens.#whoever you are i need you to be 10000x more annoying. tho i've heard this fandom gets REAL nasty when you say something they don't like.
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Okay maybe I grew up reading questionable fanfiction on ff.net and wattpad but istg I'm so happy I wasn't born a few years later because then I'd be reading those x reader posts on here and that would create lasting damage in my developing brain for sure
#like even now when i look certain things up (any nct-related search???) and see those posts they pain me#even when you scroll as fast as possible your eyes still catch some cursed things.
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me crawling out of bed to type this and disappear back to my cocoon right after but-specifically looking at the hewitts since granted i know more on the remakes than the others but,
the hewitts only got vague, limited police action looking into them in '03 after erin chops thomas' arm off and gets away. and even though theres' coverage of it and everything, that literally ONLY happens after 4-5 straight years of the hewitts doing what they do, from 69-73 in terms of solely the remake timeline.
that's still a shitton of time to be ACTIVELY killing people to y'know. not fucking die yourselves. then combine that with the sawyers - their additional family members, their own trails of ruthlessness added into the mix, and this entire combined family unit likely has kill counts all around in the hundreds if not even way past that.
but even with the police involvement in the remakes?
its all SO SLOPPY, its hardly conducted with any real CARE about their own well-beings. like??? ya'll went into that house while THOMAS was STILL THERE... didnt even SECURE THE HOUSE.....
and even with the found footage? no arrests, presumably. the remaining hewitts are still at large, thomas is still at large. like... all ya'll did was corral them to their fucking confusing ass tunnel system and made luda (if we count the comics) far more involved and ruthless in the actual killings than she was in the movies lol
and yes technically speaking with charlie's death that could sever the stronghold they've got on the police and sheriffs' around them - but at the same time - how bad would it look of them to SUDDENLY flip a switch and try to unpack the years worth of missing persons, cold cases, murders, kidnappings, break-ins, assaults, etc etc that they swept under the rug? that's WAY too much man power, esp for back then. no one is gonna do that shit.
so. i truly dont think they have much to worry about even in the event of charlie dying - because the fear and influence they've instilled stands for law enforcement to continue to do fuck all - to save and cover their own asses.
#its incredibly tragic because like. its so OBVIOUS something GOD AWFUL happened to this group of kids? theyre literally needing some rough#medical attention yknow. its so fucking clear they went through something BAD. and yet? crickets. theyre shrugged off. dismissed.#given the cold shoulder. told their friend(s) simply ran away. told they mustve been high or on something and cant recall clearly.#even between maria going missing to pre-basement brawl its like. NO ONES taking them seriously. everyone in towns they search in dismiss#them. no ones seen or heard anything. LEO's are just. useless and rude and telling them not to interfere. telling to go home. telling them#to let them handle things when it becomes VERY obvious they just dont give a shit - that theyre avoiding certain locations#like yes i moved maria's timeline of being missing up but like - even while the searches were still considered active? there was barely any#movement or care or concern or manpower that the depts were gathering or investigating. like. how does someone vanish into thin air?#like they tried to imply maria must've - at some point? they were so out of their league so roadblocked so dismissed every step of the way.#like. maria and lee and danny etc in their dire aus its all just... its so tragic.#maria with the attempt of a search and youre nearly found!!!....and then youre told your friends all left...and they never came remotely#close to where youre kept to find you. lee with sacrificing himself hoping it gives the rest of them a chance to get away - that someone#lives in order to rain down hell on the family in the sense of justice and yet. not a word is said over broadcasts about him - at least pos#nothing substantial. no search. no missing persons report. nothing. and then danny? my dan the man? the guy with little family ties?#my guy with a strained relationship with his father? whose only friends are again in the situation of 'no one believes us'?#you think theres even a PEEP about him whatsoever? in any capacity? my guy would be lost to the ether - literally. NO ONE but the#friends would ever give a shit if he went missing.#does this make any sense idk im half asleep still but yknow-#i see kels' post and my brain short-circuited on this- BFKHD#[ 𝟎𝟎 ] ── * 𝐎𝐎𝐂. { renee. }
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Hey @staff
#why. do i have a bloodied face of a mma fighter or whatever in a band tag that i visit to see CONTENT RELATED TO THAT BAND#what is this new search thing on mobile#why can't you just stop changing things daily#when i search certain tags i see posts that are not tagged with it#and they're not blazed or whatever#they're just there
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I’m sorry but I don’t believe that poster, even if they’re new why are they digging up old posts just to argue, and on posts not never tagged so they actually have to dig through old posts to find what they’re looking for! I don’t know anyone who joins tumblr just to do that so it’s hard for me to give them the benefit of doubt here, everything they say feels like an excuse this hurts me? Why are you looking for it then????
That's funny anon, because I was checking Tumblr, saw your ask in my notifications, and guess who popped up in the notifications, just after you did, reblogging a post I made about FE16?
Lol
At least I made myself clear about Tumblr etiquette and what I believe is and engaging/not engaging with someone -
Still, I ultimately think they're just trolling, or desperate for attention, but it's not something I have enough patience and time to give, I'd rather write 2k about Lorenz's ancestor being a bastard scion of House Hresvelg, than reading those word vomits.
#anon#replies#I see this as an amusing buzz at times#but yeah that engagement on Tumblr post made me clear a few things#I never really thought that much about posting on Tumblr before the FE16 debacle it's just sharing thoughts reblogging stuff#and making fire jokes#can you imagine people are desperate enough to send anon hate on Tumblr? and like search through your blog to find shit to reply read?#I mean browsing a blog's history to find a blogger's thoughts on a topic is okay but#necroposting old posts?#Like what are they going to resurrect 2014 posts? It was eons ago lol#when you reach a certain degree of maturity you realise you want to do something else with your time than consecrate it to salt
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Some of y'all can't handle the concept of certain abuses existing in the first place, muchless a character who went through that abuse and is now showing realistic symptoms of said abuse.
"we need more traumatized characters/characters with ptsd and/or who are abuse victims portrayed realistically with symptoms that Arent cute and soft and pretty!" you guys couldnt even handle lapis lazuli
#i am tired and upset#i have two wips in which the characters went through the same truama i did#i gave them both a lot of my symptoms and triggers#now one i have posted a few chapters of and it's been fine but it to this point hasnt been very...'gritty' shall we say#it still meets the definition of a certain type of abuse but it's been fairly clinical thus far#the other#the other i dont know if i will post it becaus it is much more emotionally charged and less clinical#in it the mc becomes triggered by seeing a small child and realizing how small and young he was when he was abused#which isn't a thing most people want to be faced with#but it is my reality and it is the reality of unfortunately a large amount of people#and i believe we deserve stories that feature people like us with triggers like ours#but#the amount of people who arent ready for those is...also a lot#people want realistic trauma stories until they are faced with the concept of abuse happening to children they want to turn away from that#and understandably so#but many of us cant turn away because it is our reality and while writing gives externalization and processing#it also opens us up to being harrassed and bullied because people take their discomfort about those topics#and rather than acknowledging that those things happening to children is wrong and can be prevented#they turn away from it and accuse us of glorifying abuse or accuse us of being the same as the people who hurt us#they dont want to face and accept the idea that those stories come from a place of personal experience because then#theyre faced with our realities that these things happen to children#so instead they look away and say 'no thats not realistic youre just being gross'#people want realistic trauma stories until theyre faced with realistic trauma#screaming into the void#im tired of being a quiet victim#anyone wanna take a guees what trauma im refering to? ill give you a hint you cant search it on tumblr anymore#its restricted so if anyone needs help or resources check out rainn.org they have a lot of good resources and definitions there#and please more than anything know that you are not alone
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