#when we lived so close
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Hm
#i miss you#it’s hard to not feel like long distance is a long series of goodbyes#of getting left#i have to remind myself it’s a long series of hellos#of passionate hugs and kisses after weeks apart#i want to see you again#i love you#i don’t know if you love me back#sometimes it feels like you love me in ways i didn’t know i could be loved#other times it feels you don’t love me at all#that you’re getting sick of me#but i know you’re the best girl#you wouldn’t make me feel that way on purpose#i’d like to spend forever with you#in a house with dogs#fill it with love#make you coffee every morning (and night)#bake bread with you#you make me dream of mundanity#and i’ve never dreamt of it before#you make me excited for a future i never thought i could have#i want you all of the time#but it’s okay that i can’t have you all of the time#we don’t have the fear we used to have#when we lived so close#under a blanket of homophobia and fear#we got away!#and now we can see the stars#i can see the stars for the first time because of you#like the blanket was pulled from over my head
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I love it when women hate men. I love it when women are allowed to vent to each other about how horrible and creepy men are. I love it when women form friendships with and prioritize each other over relationships with men(whether they're attracted to them or not). I love it when women put men dni in their bios and on their nude photos and on posts on their blogs. I love it when women refuse to mollycoddle and accommodate entitled male feelings with "but this doesn't mean I hate all men, I know a few men who are great, I love my father/sons/brothers/uncles/male cousins/guy friends" I love it when women complain about men WITHOUT "not all men" being a disclaimer. I love it when women avoid socializing with/refuse to be around/befriend/get close to men because they know men can't be trusted. I love it when women make "kill all men" jokes. I love it when women offer absolutely no concern or care for men's feelings and if their misandry offends men whatsoever because why should we, men are the oppressor class who have raped and killed and abused us and kept us as subjugated as second-class citizens for millennia, they regularly mistreat us and the women in their own marginalized communities still every single day and make this world so much harder and more awful for us to be in, and if we choose to hate them and not spare them any sympathy then so be it, and I don't just mean "men as a class" either, you can be a woman who doesn't want to have anything to do with any man on an individual basis and completely cuts off men from her personal life too and ykw I will love and fucking support you in that because men deserve absolutely NOTHING from us. If they're so tough and strong then they can handle it just like they can handle being lonely. If you are a woman who hates men, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE A LESBIAN AND/OR A TRANS WOMAN, then just know that I love you. I love you, I support you, and you are safe here.
#was going to make a post about how much i hate that women aren't allowed to hate their oppressors but i decided to spin it into something#positive instead#this is supposed to be the feminist site that makes reddit mgtow piss their baby diapers so let's go back to despising men and not coddling#their feelings and let's dye our hair blue while we're at it#i am so tired of this new wave of guilt-tripping and gaslighting women who hate men and don't trust or want to be around them#i hate how we're made into villainesses or the problematic ones for not valuing them in our lives or for wanting to guard ourselves or be#safe from our oppressors#and i'm tired of people who don't know the first thing about feminism being like 'BUT THAT'S TERF RHETORIC WHAT ABOUT X MINORITY MEN'#guess what women can also be x minority that you're trying to protect the men of and we get to hate men too#trans women are included when i say women btw and trans men are included when i say men#if anyone has the right to hate men more than anybody else it's trans women esp trans lesbians because they put up with so much shit#from men that even cis women do not and they especially know how vile men are behind closed doors#so#terfs fuck off#radfems fuck off#and if anybody tries to make this post more appeasing to men or 'not all men's this post you are getting blocked and hit with a hammer#feminism#misogyny#sexism#patriarchy#tw men#tw rape#tw abuse#misandry#terfs dni#radfems dni#feminists need to go back to being scary and unpalatable for men none of this 'but some of them are good!' bullshit#men are entitled to nothing from us#and if you try to prove me wrong then you are just proving my point if you have nothing good to say then simply keep scrolling#ok? ok.
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it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.
yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.
it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.
how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.
chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?
how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.
"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.
i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.
#writeblr#warm up#i can't write rn but i have SO much words in here bc im reading the chorus of dragons books#(just started book 4)#and this woman's writing is just LIVING in my brain. let me out!!!#(i read roughly like 2-4 books a week usually bc i go on long walks with my dog but when a book is REALLY good like. it eats my life. )#anyway ...... so like here's a story that idk i've tried to explain to other people as being wild#but maybe im the only one who thinks it is wild???#so i play pokemon go (i just started in jan) bc i love pokemon and as i have mentioned i walk goblin for like an hour in the morning#and i don't like a lot of fitness trackers due to the fact it makes me .sad. but i also wanted the little digital rewards. enter pokemon go#anyway so they make you make friends to complete quests. so i used a reddit thread. i do not usually use reddit. i don't have an acct#i lurked. i just googled like ''pokemon go reddit '' and randomly added a bunch of numbers#i was on that page for all of 15 minutes. there are THOUSANDS of responses on that page.#here's what's wild: in that group of people. even though i am not on reddit and it was one random event once#it turns out one of those people lives in the town i live in. or at least very close. i only know this because#when we send each other gifts. it's from the same freaking area.#i can't ask them to meet up bc pokemon go doesn't have a messaging app lol but like . what are the fucking chances that#a random person posts in a random reddit thread and HAPPENS to get added by someone ELSE from their SAME TOWN#who by pure fucking CHANCE is ALSO playing pokemon go and looking for friends#i googled it there's only 42000 people in my broad region. the .......... smallness ! of the world!!!
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"Who is Ai Di to you?"
Nat Chen as CHEN YI KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#uservid#userspring#userspicy#userrain#userjjessi#usernuria#*cajedit#*gif#flashing gif#GREAT question zherui. the answer is. everything! hope this helps <3#kk and i talked a ton about chen yi last night and we were saying#that there is a very specific part of both chen yi and ai di that cant fathom not being their whole selves in front of each other#even when their feelings are buried deep they cling to each other cuz being without the other is like missing your other half#but then also. they're too close to each other to see what's really there (specifically from chen yi's side of things)#he cant imagine not being honest with ai di but its in such a way that he still doesnt know how to identify the source of what he's feeling#because...it's ai di.#and it's Always chen yi and ai di. thats just what their lives are LIKE.#so it's easier to not put much thought into it. to fixate and project those feelings on their boss.#but it was never gonna last!! ...everyone say thanks ai di for the pain. it was needed </3
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Bingqiu ponies (Happy Birthday @Piosplayhouse!)
#poorly drawn svsss#svsss#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#equineswap au#They live in the same universe: I'm making it canon right now#I do think there are probably better horse breeds to assign these two#but as far as my little PD-SVSSS guys go - I think these fit alright.#Arabian for the gracefulness and elegance. Beautiful horse (all horses are beautiful so its a close race)#(and the missing rib. Cause....you know....)#Didn't quite get the head shape right but there is always next time.#Shetland binghe for the handsome little guy energy. I personally think a non silly little guy LBH would be a shire horse.#This is 100% an open invitation to debate and discuss in the comments and tags btw. I am no expert on SV or horses.#Also HI PIO! If you're reading this I just want to say thank you a million times over for everything.#You've been so kind and supportive and I think you are a brilliant and hilarious person. The tides of the yaoi wars turned when you enliste#I hope this next year for you brings wonderful things. You're a brilliant force in this world and we all are drawn to your light.#Happiest of birthdays to you B*)
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soft (and some bittersweet)
#trigun stampede#trigun#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#i think they both spent majority of their lives in solitude and ofc vash went town to town and made friendships promises and etc along the w#way + he had his home and whatnot in the long years he's been alive but he still just seemed so lonely.#in prior versions of trimax he had friends at home at least and maybe he mightv made some but luida and brad are basically just his#guardians in this adaption. like brad used to be a homie.... vash watched that little dude grow up.... and jessica too.... but he doesn't#have that in this adaption. nor a town like july where he had grown close to the townspeople and shaped that tragedy to be closer to his#heart. and wolfwood spent years fighting under the eom and doing shit under their jurisdiction when we saw him so adamantly try to reject#and fight back against that fate. i dont think he had a second at all to get familiar with townspeople or even care to#so its just these two lonely ass souls and vash immediately seeing the good in ww and points it out#ww who is under orders again to be involved in vash's business but he's also SO touchy about it bc vash is so careless and lack that self#regard and also just is not seeing the world that ww is seeing. but then vash helps him and saves him by sharing a piece of what /he/ sees#and it fucking. rescrambled ww's brain for a sec. HE GAVE HIM HOPE!!! he gave him hope!!!! and in turn ww gave vash hope too and its#all done in like 3-4 eps. there's so much fervent attachment in what they managed to give each other in such a short time#but theyre limited to the contract to the inevitable confrontation with knives - so while theyd want to give into that chance to love this#person who managed to give them smth special they just can't at all#ruporas art
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thinking about how gyu ho was quite literally the light and love of young's life. how when they first meet, he's the one that presses that bottle to his mouth and asks if he's okay when young gets knocked down. how he travels all that way to young's apartment just to put his curtains up for him when he sees how the light bothers him when he sleeps. how he's the metaphorical ray of sunlight on young's face coming through the gap in those very curtains when he's counting all his moles.
how he's always smoothing out the crease between young's eyebrows when he's worried, like he's trying to smooth away his troubles. how his acceptance of kylie is so easy and simple bc he knows that it's something that young has opened up and trusted him with. something that he's never told another soul about, and it's understandably something painful for young to be so vulnerable about. how he tells young that he's still the same person with or without kylie. everything about gyu ho is a balm. the way he soothes and reassures. the way he loves.
that scene when they're kissing in the club for the last time encapsulates the very essence of their relationship imo. young doubting and constantly asking what happens if they argue again once they're back home, and gyu ho answering him so easily and honestly with "then we'll make up!" over and over again bc it really IS that simple for him. simple in a way that it's not for young who is never able to get past the doubt and insecurity of it all.
#love in the big city#idk what this is but i just keep thinking about them and my chest keeps aching and i keep wanting to cry#i have so many thoughts about this drama that i struggle to convey bc it touched me so deeply#the ending broke me up but i also wouldn't have it any other way?? i just hope both young and gyu ho are happy in the end#it's amazing to me how we can become so close to someone and then they can drift out of our lives like it's nothing#i've experienced it myself with so many of my own relationships and yet it still baffles me when i see it happen all the same#text#litbc
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"i wish they kissed" THEIR SOULS ARE LITERALLY ENTWINED AMONGST THE COSMOS WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT???!?!??!?!
#jayvik#wouldn't have complained tho 😞#“they're just bros” was it casual when you said we were meant for each other in every universe???#arcane#they are so much more than just platonic or romantic and i think that is so god damn beautiful#live laugh jayvik#jayvik has me by the throat#THE YAOI HAS BEEN UNDOOMED(?)#in my head they got transported to a lil pocket dimension where they will live out the rest of their days together :3#a03 jayvik writers i beg of thee bring me the fix-it fics#someone pointed out that victor is rubbing jayce's arm to reassure him i'm never smiling again.#that forehead touch wasn't even needed jayce just wanted to be close to him sobs sobs#mej's favs
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you know, i can handle a little bit of fun "Nandor is dumb" talk, but i have a net-zero tolerance for any implication that Nandor is not educated.
Nandor would have been incredibly educated in his lifetime.
even (or especially) as a soldier in the Islamic World. being a soldier was more like getting sent to boarding school that's also a military camp. they weren't just concerned with creating loyal fodder for war. they were building the next government officials, generals, accountants, advisors, etc. it was important that young men knew how to read, write, speak multiple languages, learn philosophy...sometimes even studying art and music was mandatory.
if he was nobility (and its most likely he was), take all that shit and multiply it exponentially. Nandor would have been reading Plato at the same age most people are still potty training. he would have been specifically groomed in such a way to not be just a brilliant strategist and warrior, but also diplomate and ambassador of literally the center of scientific and cultural excellence of the age.
so like yeah, he can be a big dummy sometimes, sure. but that bitch is probably more educated than any of us will ever be.
#wwdits#nandor the relentless#Nandor#what we do in the shadows#i think its obvious by how much Nandor loves to read that he grew up educated#it's one of my favorite character traits of his#anyways#this was just your local psa abt the depth of Nandor's character and intelligence#and how the medieval islamic world was like - so much more advanced than it's western counterpart it's hilarious how ppl mischaracterize it#(by hilarious i mean it makes me want to break something)#this was in my drafts lolol what did i read that made me vent this? idk#also 'islamic world' is just a term some historians use to describe a specific geographical location and historical age#kind of how 'western world' is used today#it doesn't mean it's specific to one religion or nation but the broader time and location#meaning that Al Qolindar or Persia or Ilkhanate or w/e you want to call where Nandor came from#the same expectations of education and it's vibrant social/cultural world remain an accurate image of the middle east in the medieval age#if you come from the west like me#think The Forum + The Library of Alexandria + Paris/Florence + and idk anything else u think of when u think of 'Western Excellence'#and then imagine of all of that in one place at one time and then u might get close to what the world Nandor was living in as a human
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If u consistently choose kindness on the internet in comment sections and dms and content I love you.
#chatterbox#I See so many people always trying to stir the pot or cause arguments or take everything in bad faith just as an excuse for being mean#and it’s very demotivating as a human being . like wanting to exist in a world like that#however. kindness and love and joy is everywhere you look too. and it is a decision you can make .#shakes everyone by the shoulders I NEED SOMETHING TO BE DONE ABOUT THE WORLD WE LIVE IN#I love love and whimsy and happiness and i want everyone else to enjoy those feelings too#😞IMMA DRAW HAPPY CREEPED ART#DRAWN TOO MANY OF THEM FIGHTING AND GLARING AND COVERED IN WOUNDS#sucker when she gets somber before a shift#I work with kids imma see little babies babbling around like waaahuuuhghhh < baby noises#and I work w my fave coworker today AND it’s a morning shift instead of closing shift . blessed#actually they might put me back in the hole today.#couple weeks ago I was climbing 20 feet in the air on netting with no support so I could cut down fans that were a ft from the ceiling LMFAO#I miss my old coworker he was absurd but he was always giving us side quests
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(tsfs feels anyone? fanart below.)
You've been in his head.
But he says, never faltering, the words,
"I choose the danger."
It is in that moment that you understand:
He could never, would never,
Has never hated you.
Now you realize:
this is what humans refer to as love.
#star trek#star trek fanart#spones#spones fanart#but like not NECESSARILY you know i think their relationship is a very close one in general. and this scene#isn't indicative of any particular individual type of love. just love the way it matters (all of it does.)#my other roman empire...#look this is what i mean when i say i love when love isn't perfect. because it never is#love takes different forms and shapes and moulds itself to the people who grow into each other's crevices and cracks#there's no ONE perfect way to love so that it's called love. love isn't perfect but what it is is growing with someone else.#and they're imperfect and they are SO so good about that. They're so special to me for that reason#something something teaching each other about what it means to exist in this world. mellowing each other out.#seeing the ugliest most uncomfortable parts of each other at first glance and despite that LEARNING to find the shape of each other--#in their hearts and in their lives and in their worldviews.#i would choose the danger...(i would choose you. i would choose you again and again and again even though we arent perfect)#i would love you until the rough parts of me understand the rough parts of you#i think that's cool.#leonard mccoy#bones mccoy#spock#dust medibang paints#dust talks#the search for spock#star trek poetry#i dunno but it feels right.
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I finished posting the unabashedly educational Sword Fic.
It includes a detailed (but hopefully beginner-friendly) explanation of all the steps of making a Nichirin blade from a sunny mountain like Mt. Youkou, a touch of swordsmith and metalworker folk lore (including demons), meta about what must make Kimetsu no Yaiba's swordsmithing methods different from real life methods, some character exploration for Haganezuka and his polishing method, vocabulary and additional resources in the chapter notes, and hopefully, an endearing, silly POV character to learn this all through.
#my fics#SWORDS SWORDS SWORDS#would you like a story about the years of background of this fic?#I was not very well-versed in metallurgy until recent years but my study of the Japanese language goes back to#well#longer than some of you may have been around#I always liked samurai and swords for the aesthetic but started to take more of an interest when I lived in Shimane#and on a day when I had a friend taking me around to rural sites associated with a legendary monster she was like#let's go see the sword museum while you're out here#but that museum was closed (it comes back into this story though)#so we went to a different one that no longer exists but that was my first encounter with how much work it takes to make the sword ore#fast forward years later#I am writing this blog and it becomes known as a fun place to read about Japanese culture as seen in KnY (thanks glad you enjoy)#I decide that I must tell people how hard it is to make the ore and finally visit that main museum on a trip back to Shimane#I collect material and struggle to do more research and wrap my head around it#and I write the first version of Teppi's story that focused mostly on the smelting and glazed over the forging and polishing and stuff#meanwhile I am in a job situation I have already long since wanted out of and soon I want out a lot more desperately#job searches were disheartening but then I found THE ONE I WANTED#and on that first interview when I was already like PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#they asked if there's a Japanese cultural topic I could suddenly explain in great detail if asked#and without mentioning this blog I said I had recently written up something for fun about tatara smelting methods (and they forgot this)#fast forward again and I very happily got the job and was very nervous as I got the rundown on a very large annual nerd project#and when they announced the topics for that year I saw that tatara smelting methods in the region I knew them from was on the list#and I was like#asudyaiusdyuasdyuahduahduhsdhuPLEASE GIVE ME THAT#and i got it and when I went out there for research people were like#...why do you know all this...???????#and since I dared not mention my KnY blog I was like#...I lived in Shimane...#it seems I broke the tags because the rest of the story got cut off but hi yes you get the idea
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I cannot explain into words how I hate CBL's Celestial realm and how its the only way its ever been shown for more than 1 frame
Like.. that's where yall live..... okay... like there are some buildings and stuff but... this looks bad
atleast in the anime in that one simple frame it looked A BIT cooler 😭 5 small islands with the same size and on the same height like....ok... wheres the flavor. There could have been so many cool things done with it and instead it looks like something I could have built in my minecraft world
#its like when you live in a small city and have nowhere to go and have the same 5 hangout spots with one of them being under a bridge#LIKE there are some buildings and towers but until I see them UP CLOSE in 4kota#man the celestial realm is empty af#AND WE CANT EVEN SEE THE MANGA VERSION CAUSE IT WAS CINEMA LIMITED AAAAA#so mad#if Mael slash goddesses dont show up in 4kota and there wont be more content im going to explode#Mael doesnt deserve this treatment hes a princess#nanatsu no taizai#seven deadly sins#7ds
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…
#im so sorry guys but if you think solas stabbing varric was unintentional or an accident you are smoking dicks#sure he didn’t go there intending to stab him but acting like it was a whoopsie in self defense genuinely contradicts his character#like he is confirmed to canonically kill his friends and feel bad about it#identify your goals and do nothing that does not further them#source: the masked empire#im usually very content to let people live with their silly woobified headcanons#and i don’t want beef which is why im hiding this in tags LMAO and I won’t be tagging it as solas or anything#but I fear people are going to be genuinely shocked and disappointed when the game comes out if they keep mischarscterizing him as perfect#and morally perfect and that everything he does is right#THE WHOLE POINT IS THAT HES NOT???? BUT HES SOMEONE WE CAN SYMPATHIZE WITH DESPITE IT!!!!#we are supposed to sympathize with him despite the horrible things he’s done#that’s the lesson that’s why rook is so clearly embarking down the same path of mistakes and regret#people are so obsessed with defending him from haters that they erase him of any moral complexity to make him completely above reproach#I wish tumblr had a close friends list like twitter so I could post this there LMFAOOOO
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just put something together
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#srsly like big spoilers#Anyways#when I first saw that scene I thought that Senshi was just really elusive#But I just realized that’s not it#Like everyone else is seeing him all the time it’s just Laois who doesn’t see him that often#Laois’ greatest desire is to be close to monsters and to know more about monsters#And when he met Senshi his desire became to be like Senshi and live a similar life to him#So his curse- while mostly focused on monsters- ends up partially including Senshi#I mean probably not as drastically#Senshi does visit every now and again like we know that#He’s just cursed to not see Senshi as much as everyone else now
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eulogy
#i was fully going to just wrangle my way through life for another 39 years when my friend said to me:#you are gay and we want you to submit art for the pride art show. but i hasn’t drawn at all since last year so i made a new comic from scr#i was also having one of the worst times of my life all of the past week but every night after sobbing into a friends shoulder or wtv#i’d sit down and draw. and then today i locked myself in the basement for 5#hours and now he is finished. trans allegory or whatever#happy pride#world is horrible so hold the people you love close#i am trying . succeeding? not really but definitely trying#i have gone now through the 5 stages of grief. 1) eat food 2) eat food 3) hit rock 4) hit rock 5) give up#i Give Up. i give up by living my life without giving a fuck#which is like. actually giving down. or taking away down#idk anyway#i hope you’re well i’m HANGING ON BY A THREAD. BUT A GOOD THREAD#and to my lgbsbfk homies: i love you#my art
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