#when the world stopped moving: the live ep

[remusfinglupin]

Category is wlw coded songs that were written by alleged straight artists

“lacy” Olivia Rodrigo, / “dorothea” Taylor Swift, / “Angelina” Lizzy McAlpine, / “Amelie” Gracie Abrams

[bandgie]

So Sharp You Won't Feel a Thing | Ep. 6

MASTERLIST | Kink: Orgy

🗝 The Others are too much, too obsessed with keeping you on their side. They beg and do everything in their power, but you can't leave everything you know to stay in The Other World forever...can you?

3.6k words

warnings! MDNI18+, fem!reader, DUBIOUS, reader does say stop once from overstim, restrained (f!), orgy, PIV, no protection, throat-fucking, handjobs, oral (f!), thats all I feel like putting

notes! last ep, I'm so happy. this took a lot of planning and I was thinking of how to end it, but I think I like how it turned out. let me know your thoughts of the event! thank you so much for reading. feedback/reblogs are much appreciated!

They’ve moved you to the kitchen which is ironically fitting. With how their hands and mouths devour you, it’s safe to assume you’re the main course.

Everyone has their buttons on you as you’re laid upon the dinner table, legs spread and pushed to your face for what feels like forever. Minho keeps your ankles apart by pressing on the underside of your thighs. He stands above you, upside down so his cock is in your face.

It feels exposing to have you spread so indecently with them here. Minho, Felix, Seungmin, and Jeongin all watch as Hyunjin slips his cock in with ease. His dull fingernails dig into your sides as if this is the first time he’s been inside, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

Seungmin hadn’t wasted any time on calling the Others, leaving you in a state of shock from the revealing of your kidnapping. Everything happened so slowly and so fast; Felix’s joyful clapping, Minho’s and Jeongin’s matching smug smile, and Hyunjin’s eager expression. Their chatter was white noise even in moving rooms.

The prodding of Hyunjin’s cock snapped you out of it. He was eager, drooling out of his pretty mouth, and slapping the head of his cock on your flaps. Your legs had kicked from overstimulation, but Minho was quick to restrain them.

“Noo,” Hyunjin whined, high-pitched and almost heartbroken. “Don’t do that. Everyone got a taste of your pussy. It’s not fair that I didn’t.”

But it’s been more than a taste. You’re drowning in your own pleasure, gasping and moaning against the underside of Minho’s dick.

You can’t lift your head, but you can guess the sight. You can feel the cream sliding down your ass, the throbbing of your clit, the gushing of your pussy every time he rams back in. There’s not a doubt that you’re swollen and pink pink pink, but the Others can’t seem to look away.

“Look at that pussy. You’re breaking it.”

“If she took it up the ass, she can take it there.”

“Yeah. It’s just one cock. She has about five more to go.”

They all laugh. Even Hyunjin smiles, lips twisted in pleasure as you whine at their words. Their near threats. It feels like your stomach has turned into a puddle of arousal with every thrust. Each time you think you can’t come again, you do. But the constant pounding makes the building overwhelming.

“Nghhh. Waiitt. T-too much. Pleaseee.”

Your arms feel heavy, but there’s enough strength in them to try and grab at Hyunjin. You manage to graze his wrists before Jeongin grabs a hold of your hand with your other being held by Seungmin. 

You might not have gotten him to stop, but your plan succeeds in another way. 

“Huh? T-too much?” Hyunjin sounds worried. “Am I hurting you?” He’s the weakest link, you've learned. Too sweet for his own good. You almost cry in relief when he slows, but it’s short-lived. 

“No, hyung. You aren’t. It just means that she wants kisses.” Jeongin soothes. “Kisses always make everything better.”

Hyunjin nods, too fucked-out to really understand but agrees anyway. His hips begin to pick up their pace again and you cry out. It doesn’t hurt per se, but it is too good to bear. You open your mouth to plead with Hyunjin, but words never make it when Minho presses his tip between your lips to shut you up.

“Mmf!”

His taste is musky and slightly salty. Minho’s cock smoothly glides on your tongue, down until he can see the head poking through your throat.

“Fuck. That’s it. Good kitty.” He rubs his thumb where his tip presses, making you gag. Being upside down makes his cock press deeper. There’s nowhere to turn when he shoves the remaining inches in, balls touching your nose.

He stills. Minho lets you convulse around his cock to get used to his size. When your neck turns pink, he slides out. You can feel how your throat twitches against his shaft. Your tongue sticks out of your mouth when he’s fully out, gasping for air. 

Then he does it all over again.

You’re too busy being fucked in two holes to feel Seungmin and Jeongin wrap your fingers around their cocks. Their warmth registers when they thrust into your makeshift fist. The veiny textures of their cocks have you gripping tighter.

Jeongin grunts from the pressure. He thrusts at a much faster pace than Seungmin who opts to rock. He wants to feel how each finger strokes him. There’s no need for spit or lube for your questionable handjobs. They both leak enough pre-cum to coat your palm and shine their tips. 

“Mmm. Yeah. Yeah. Good slut for us, aren’t ‘ya?” Jeongin wraps both his hands around yours. It’s like your fist is a fleshlight and in a way, your entire body is. The expanding of your throat, the bend of your wrists, and the squelching of your cunt. Everything about your state is absolutely debauched.

Knowing how you look makes the pleasure heightened. Your breasts bounce from Hyunjin's pistons, forcing your throat to take Minho deeper until your eyes roll back. Your limbs are loose, but the men using your hands to tug their cocks hardly mind. But if you come again, you know you’ll break.

Felix, quiet and waiting, can’t help but fall in love with your depravity. So good, so pretty. Cum leaks from his tip, oozing on the floor. The soft padder of his feet goes unnoticed as he stands beside Hyunjin, looking in absolute awe at the stretch between your legs. 

You notice him when little fingers rub your clit. Minho pulls out to hear you squeal, finally lifting your head to see Hyunjin and Felix standing at the other end, beautifully terrifying.

Felix’s finger taps your nub in quick patterns. It’s such a light touch, but it has you squeezing on Hyunjin’s cock. The blonde man giggles gleefully, smiling ear-to-ear when his hyung groans in response. 

Seungmin’s free hand tangles in your hair. You think he’s going to lay you back down and have you swallow Minho’s cock, but he keeps your head up instead. You watch as Felix lowers himself, moving his hand to replace them with his lips. 

“How about them kisses, yeah?”

You let out a drawled moan when you feel his hot mouth. Hyunjin slows just enough to prevent himself from hitting Felix, but his pace is still relentless. It blends together madly.

You’re whining and wiggling your hips in an attempt to escape them. But Minho’s firm grip on your thighs makes the attempts worthless.

Tears brim your eyes. “Fuck! Please! I’m being good. I’m being so good. I can’t- I can’t…”

Felix swirls his tongue deliciously on your clit. It catches the nub in his mouth, pulling on the flesh until it stretches. Your thighs tremble, ass and cunt clenching desperately. Salvia begins to pool at the corner of your mouth. 

“You can’t?” Felix hums with your clit between his lips. He lets it go with a crude pop. Your body relaxes and drops back down on the table, Seungmin’s hand stays under your head to keep it still while Minho rubs his tip on your swollen lips.

“But you have to. Hyunjin got a taste. I only tasted it on Minho-hyung’s fingers. I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since.”

You couldn't argue if you wanted to. Minho’s cock feels soft on your mouth, lolling your tongue out and taking him back in. 

Hyunjin must feel the change in your cunt. You feel softer. Warmer. Wetter. It almost hurts how hard you’re gushing from them using every part of your body, but Hyunjin relishes it. His thrusts grow erratic, his breathing labored as he chases the heat of your pussy. 

The bruising tip knocks on your cervix. You already have a cock down your throat, but it feels as though they’ll be two soon. 

Felix’s tongue finds home on your lips again. It slips low enough to taste your arousal, Hyunjin's cock rubbing against it. His face might be getting squished, but he can taste you here. Raw and unfiltered. 

He swipes the cream up your slit. The drag feels slow, a stark difference to your tongue licking Minho’s cock. You find yourself copying his movements unconsciously. The swipe of your tongue matches his when Felix lavishes your clit. Even with your muffled squealing, you rub your tongue over Minho’s slit. 

They grunt. Jeongin and Seungmin who are left with nothing but your hand still manage to twitch in your hold. You don’t mean to grip them so tight. There’s just too much in your mouth and cunt that you need to hold onto something.

Your entire body jolts up and down, side to side from how they use you. It’s like they’re planning on cumming together. 

“Look at that. I wonder if I can see my cum shoot down her throat like this.” Minho sighs dreamily. His cock is too deep for your tongue to do more than lay on the underside, but even then, you try to swipe it back and forth. 

Jeongin tilts his head, hair sticking to his forehead to see your neck bulge from his hyung’s size. It affects him more than he thought. The stretch of Minho’s cock down your throat, the bounce of your tits, and your sputtering when Minho mercifully gives you time to breathe.

One of your hands is being fucked harder than the other. Jeongin grabs onto your breast with his unused hand for purchase, squeezing the nipple Seungmin abused what felt like hours ago now.

“Fuuuck. I’m cumming.” Droplets of cum ooze from his slit. “I’m cumming. I’m cumming.”

Those droplets soon turn into ropes. Strings of Jeongin’s arousal shoot out, landing on the table and some on the floor. He pulls his sensitive cock from your hold and squeezes the base. Final spurts burst onto your breast, warm and wet. 

It’s like a butterfly effect. Seungmin‘s knees buckle when his orgasm pours out. He mimics Jeongin and pulls your hand off, but he jerks himself to completion so white cream decorates your other tit.

Seungmin slaps the tip on your nipple, sprinkles of cum shooting out and reaching your neck. 

“Mmm, shit. Your tits are so messy.” The two of them glide their leaking cocks on your breasts, slowly coming down from their high.

Hyunjin nearly topples over you. The sight of your soaked tits and the men’s rubbing cocks is too much. It’s the final push he needs to go over the edge. 

Much rougher than he anticipated, Hyunjin yanks Felix off your clit to push his hips deep. You hear a low groan of pain, a high-pitched wail of pleasure, and you feel the sputtering of Hyunjin’s cock soon after. 

His release coats your walls. The twitching of his cock has you clenching around him, painfully and desperately trying to squeeze the last orgasm out of you. 

You’ll cry if you cum again. You’ve been holding out for so long that it would all be in vain just to finish now. But Minho isn’t letting you get a chance to breathe. The lack of oxygen makes your brain fuzzy and the warmth of Hyunjin’s cum is just too good. 

Clear fluids shoot from your core. It’s so much that it forces Hyunjin's cock out, hips thrusting when you’re empty. You gag around Minho to use your free, cum-soaked hands to push at his thighs. He doesn’t want to pull out, but the veins popping from your neck are almost worrisome. Minho huffs when he slides his cock from between your lips. 

You cough and choke. The sounds are twisted with your moans and whines. You look at the space between your legs to see Hyunjin’s abdomen completely drenched. Felix’s face is worse off, but his buttons shine in amazement. 

“Oh- oh my god. F-fuck! hngg. Mmm…” Your eyes roll back. Your body trembles, legs shaking in Minho’s annoying grip. You hear someone praise, another laugh, but it’s the tongue on your clit that catches your attention. 

Felix. “Nonono. Stop! Pleasepleaseplease. I came. I just came. No more!”

You twist in Minho’s grasp. Jeongin and Seungmin hold your arms down when you reach for Felix’s hair. 

It hurts so good. Your hard nub gets lavished by Felix’s tongue, rough and quick. You squirm your hips in feelable attempts but Hyunjin holds your lower half for Felix to keep eating. 

“Pleeasseee. I-” you hiccup. “I can’t breathe. Too much. It’s too much!”

He flattens his tongue so it runs up your slit. You feel him start at your entrance and slide along your folds, the tip of his tongue flicking your clit. 

Your hips jolt. A squeal emits from your chest. There’s a brief pause before he does it again. It feels almost rougher than the last time. Felix laughs at your sobs, finally pulling away from your cunt and tapping his finger on your slit.

You vibrate.

“Haha! I think she’s gone now.”

Minho lets go of your legs. You didn’t notice how uncomfortable your back was, your spine finally flattening on the table. A groan of relief passes your swollen lips. You can feel Jeongin and Seungmin’s cum running down your breasts. Most of Hyunjin’s has been licked up by Felix, but you swear your cunt is still pooling with release. 

Bare feet softly echo in the kitchen. You’re too tired to focus your sight, but you can see Minho’s blurry figure walk to the other end of the table. 

No.

“You cleaned it all good for me, Felix?” Minho grins his roommate kneeling on the floor. “You know I love how you spread pussy with your tongue.”

Your chest caves with a broken cry. 

Felix giggles. “It’s been a long time since I have. You might have to test it out.”

The men chuckle. You don’t know how long you can keep doing this. The way they’re carving themselves into you feels like it might be permanent and you’re scared you may not ever want it removed. 

Still, you whine when Minho wraps your legs around his torso. You know he won't last long in your cunt. His cock is an angry red, tip leaking so much pre-cum it’s dribbling on your folds.

But you just can’t take anymore.

Clatter from the living room has everyone turning their heads. Light steps thud and you feel a sense of relief. 

And dread. That is, until you hear a familiar voice calling your name.

“B-Bin!” You shout for him. They’re still holding you down, but it doesn't stop you from wiggling. 

Tears sting your eyes. You can’t imagine what he’ll look like when he sees you like this. Confused, maybe. Angry, definitely. You’ll have to explain to him that it's not anything you don’t want, but you desperately need a break from it. 

But the footsteps that carry Changbin’s voice don’t match. He’s not rushing in. There’s not an ounce of worry in his steps as he grows closer.

“Where are you?”

“I’m right here!” Despite the worry, you can’t think about it too much. The heart in your chest feels as though it might burst from how hard it’s beating. It feels like an eternity before he enters the kitchen. 

But it’s not Changbin. Not at all. You reel back into Jeongin at the sight of Jisung. He stands in the entry, smiling so much that his top gums show and his eyes squint. 

“Found you.” Hearing Changbin’s voice come from Jisung's lips makes you shiver. You can handle buttons for eyes. You can handle talking cats and their attitude. But this…this is horrifying. 

You’re trembling so violently that Minho soothes your thighs by running his hands up and down. 

Jeongin’s nose scrunches in distaste. “I fucking hate when you do that. It’s creepy as shit.”

Jisung laughs, using his own voice now. He almost skips to you, but slowing down you shrink back into Jeongin more. His smile turns into a frown as he reaches out to touch you, brushing a stray hair from your face.

There’s so much running in your head. No one’s talking, but everything’s just sounds so loud. The blood drumming in your veins, the pounding of your heart, and the questions swirling in your mind.

“You- How did you- Why-” Breathe. “You sounded just like him.”

“Oldest trick in the book, baby. I can do a lot more than that.”

You’re almost grateful for the other men’s touches of comfort despite them doing what seemed like the opposite moments ago. “How? Who are you?”

His smile reappears. “What do you mean who am I? I’m your landlord!”

You shake your head. “No. You said your grandma-”

“I lied.” He says simply. “She died a while ago. But yes, it’s me that’s collecting your rent. It was also me who showed you the door.” Jisung sees your aghast expression. “Oh, don’t act so surprised. You said it yourself; I was stalking you. A little bit.”

“Pervert.” Minho mumbles.

Jisung scoffs. “I- I am not a pervert!” His hands point to every nude man in the room. “You guys are! Look at yourselves!” There’s an awkward shuffle in the kitchen as if they’ve been caught red-handed. Jisung huffs a final time and leans down to you, voice quiet. “They’ve been fucking you for so long, haven’t they?”

His hand gently runs down your neck, down the valley of your breasts, and stops at your stomach. “Poor baby didn't even get a break.”

You nearly whimper at his touch. Jisung fakes a pout that bursts into a grin, pecking your lips lightly. 

“Since you know everything, you should also know it was Hyunjin hogging her. I barely got my turn before you showed up.” Minho has a sarcastic tone but there’s a playful glint in his buttons.  

“Of course I know that. That’s why I showed up. You were gonna break her.” Jisung nuzzles his nose against yours. “After all, what kind of owner would I be if I didn’t take care of my things?”

Your disorganized thoughts finally settle to the time at the garden. You easily recall telling Jisung those exact words. Including when Jeongin revealed everything to you.

Let’s just say we made a deal with the devil.

“You…you’re the Beldom.”

Jisung’s eyebrows raise, eyes full of shock. “Y-yeah. I haven’t been called that in a long time. How do you know that word?”

Jeongin gulps. The swallow doesn’t go unnoticed by Jisung. He tuts and shakes his head, “First Seungmin, now you? Whatever. I’ll deal with it later.”

“But you,” Jisung winks in your direction. “I need an answer from you now.”

Confusion etches on your flushed face. “For what?”

“Well, if you wanna stay of course!” Jisung smiles wide. “I’ve been renting out this level for so long, but no one’s been a good candidate. But you…you and your friends…I think you’ll do just fine.”

The other men can sense your fear. Felix takes your hand in his, a small gesture to soothe you. “We know how you feel.”

“Yeah.” Hyunjin agrees. “We’ve been here.”

You already knew they were trapped by the Beldom, but the puzzles didn’t fit until now. The missing men. They’re them. 

“It doesn’t help when he does that freaky thing with his voice,” Jeongin grimaces. “But Han’s just socially awkward. You get used to it.”

“H-Hey! I thought it was funny!”

“The point is,” Minho says sternly, silencing the small chatter. “We want you here. Why would you want to waste your life away stressing out there? If you can afford rent or dinner? No one deserves to live like that.”

“We can keep you safe here.” You turn your head to Seungmin. “You don’t have to worry about anything. Han can do anything. He has done everything for us. Now he wants to do it for you too.”

Different pairs of hands caress your body. It doesn’t feel sexual, but comforting. They run over your breasts, between your legs, intertwining with your fingers, just touching you. They’re right, you haven’t been worrying about money and other trivial matters since meeting them. 

You think of Chan and Changbin and how stressed they’ve been. If they meet the Others here, they’ll be free from all of it too. Won’t they?

“You’ll…You’ll take all of us? Chan and Changbin too?”

Jisung nods, “It won’t be easy, but once they see their pretty little girlfriend on this Side, I don’t think it’ll be too hard to convince them.”

Shit, you’re considering it. You look around the room, locking eyes with every button peering down at you. Waiting. Hopeful.

With a deep breath, you look back at the Beldom. “You have to promise me, Han. That they’ll be here too.”

Jisung puts one hand over his heart and the other with the palm facing you. “Scouts honor. I’ve never failed. If I got Minho-hyung to be a part of my family, I know I can do your friends too.”

You briefly look at Minho. You don’t know why; maybe for a sign or a hint of regret in his burgundy buttons, but he grins instead. “I couldn’t leave Felix by himself.”

You must have nodded. You don’t know because you’re trembling so much, but judging from the smiles on everyone’s faces and Jisung’s clapping, you must have. 

An enormous bug comes from the living room, a platter held in its stick-for-hands. You can’t see the content from your shaky vision, but when Jisung holds the items in the air, you can see it clearly. 

Needle and thread.

“Now, what color would suit you best?”

[yelena-bellova]

Twenty Years Later: Joel Miller x F!Reader - Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven: Almost

Plot: Joel, Ellie and Y/n work their way across Wyoming in a desperate search for Tommy.

Word Count: 12.6k

Warnings: tlou ep.6 spoilers, language, death, loss of a child, angry outburst, trauma, anxiety attacks, 16+

A/N: SURPRISE! One day ahead of where I thought I’d be, swooping in for a dose of bedtime angst 🌙

As always, I have to put that this series is 16+ and I will not be adding anyone to the taglist if your age/range is not specified in your bio. Gotta look out for younger eyes 👀

This chapter and the one that will follow are the chapters. They’re the culmination of this whole frickin’ journey. It’s been so fun to eead your theories about Joel and Rosebud’s breakup, and now you’ll have (some of) your answers. I hope it lives up to what you imagined, or maybe even surprises you. Above all, I hope y’all enjoy 😘

—————

December 2023. Somewhere in Wyoming.

Fuck the philosophers of the pre-Cordyceps world.

Time healed nothing.

If anything, time made pain worse. Because, with enough time to study its victim, the pain could evolve. It could morph into anger, bitterness…much like Cordyceps, it could consume its host until they were shrouded in so many layers of hurt, they became unrecognizable.

Time healed absolutely nothing.

Marlon returned to his cabin, hanging the two rabbits he’d killed on the hook outside the door. The little warmth the home managed to retain welcomed him in, but the inside had changed since he’d been gone.

“Who the hell are you?”

Y/n sat adjacent to Florence, Marlon’s wife, blowing on a spoonful of soup. “A deep admirer of your wife’s cooking,” she answered.

Marlon stood confused at the door, slowly removing his jacket.

“And the gun.”

The old man turned to see another stranger, this one a man, emerging from the kitchen. He had a pistol drawn on Marlon.

“And you?”

Joel shook his head, carefully moving towards Marlon, “Just someone passin’ through. Take the gun out, two fingers only, put it outta reach.”

Marlon obeyed, dangling his pistol off his fingers and setting it on an end table. All the while, Y/n sipped her soup.

Marlon looked to Florence, “Why didn’t you shoot them?”

She nodded across the room, “The gun’s all the way over there. They didn’t hurt me by the way.”

“Yeah, I got eyes,” Marlon walked to his chair, he’d already deemed Joel as a very minor, if at all, threat.

“He won’t shoot you,” Y/n interjected, not once looking up from her bowl, “He threatens everyone he meets.”

Joel’s hardened stare landed on Y/n’s face, her casualty was greatly undermining him.

“You made ‘em soup?” Marlon gestured to Y/n’s meal, along with Joel’s untouched bowl that sat on the coffee table.

“Yeah, I did,” Florence answered, “It’s cold out.”

Y/n reached across and touched the woman’s arm, “And it’s lovely, Florence. Thank you.”

Joel sighed in exasperation, “We’re lookin’ for my brother.”

Marlon scoffed and removed his baseball cap, “Well, I ain’t seen him.”

“I haven’t told you what he looks like,” Joel replied.

“He look anything like you?” Marlon asked.

“A bit.”

Marlon shrugged, “Then I ain’t seen him.”

“They’ve got a girl with them,” Florence nodded up the stairs.

“Can I come down now?” Ellie called from above, overlooking the ground floor.

Joel and Y/n answered at the same time.

“No.”

“Yeah.”

Their eyes flicked to one another, Joel’s frustrated, Y/n’s calm. She was done playing the gunslinging traveler when unnecessary.

Ellie, always siding with whichever of them gave her what she wanted, bounded down the stairs.

“Ellie,” Joel reprimanded, as if it would do anything to stop her…

“Ooh-wa,” Marlon chuckled, looking to his wife and Y/n.

“What did I just say?” Joel said as Ellie joined him.

“Joel, come on,” she replied, aiming her handgun at the couple, “They’re like, a thousand.”

Marlon ran his eyes over Ellie, “Who’s this little psycho?”

“Never mind her,” Joel leaned forward, pushing his map across the table to Marlon, “I need you to tell us where we are.”

“If you got a map, why’re you lost?” Marlon asked.

“Must’ve missed all the street signs in the enormous fucking forest,” Ellie shot back.

“Ho-ly,” Marlon smiled to his wife, the two of them sharing a laugh.

Joel glanced over to Ellie, she was mirroring his posture, his tone…she was trying so damn hard to be like him. “We’re somewhere here,” he pointed to a spot on the map, “Exactly where? And your answer better be the same as your wife’s.”

Marlon’s eyes flicked to Florence, “You tell ‘em the truth?”

“Yeah,” she replied.

“Are you tellin’ me the truth?”

“Yeah.”

Marlon leaned forward and pressed a finger to a spot on the map. It wasn’t the answer Joel was looking for.

“Well,” he holstered his gun, “You found a great place to hide, I guess.”

“Hide?” Marlon chuckled deeply as Joel settled on his couch, “Came here before you and your wife were born, sonny. Get the hell away from everybody.”

“Not his wife,” Y/n was quick to reply before taking another spoonful. It had been three fucking months of assumptions and both Joel and her were exhausted by them.

Florence turned to Y/n, “I didn’t want to.”

“Eh,” Marlon waved his wife off and looked to Joel, “Listen, I didn’t mean to upset you about your brother but if you’ve come this far, then you know what’s out there. You seen Cody?”

“Yeah, got close enough,” Ellie answered from the arm of the couch, “It’s crawling with Infected.

“Yeah, Laramie,” Marlon listed off, “And Wind River Reservation. Anywhere people used to be. You can’t go there no more.”

Y/n set her soup aside and leaned forward on her elbows, deciding it was finally time to take the conversation seriously. “So you’ve never heard the name Tommy Miller?”

“Nope,” Marlon answered.

“What about the Fireflies?” Ellie asked.

Florence nodded, “We get those in the summer.”

“Not the bugs,” Ellie replied, thoroughly put out, “The people.”

“There are firefly people?”

Y/n joined the joke and gestured down the length of her body, “In the flesh.”

Marlon, Florence and Y/n shared a laugh, Joel couldn’t tell whether he was more annoyed or disappointed.

“You got any advice on the best way west?”

“Yeah,” Marlon leaned forward, “Go east,” he ran a finger along a stretch of water on the map, “But you never go past the river here. Ever.”

“What’s past the river?” Ellie asked.

“Death,” Florence answered, “We never seen who’s out there, but we see the bodies they leave behind. Some Infected, some not,” she turned to Joel, “If your brother’s west of the river, he’s gone.”

Joel and Y/n’s eyes met across the table, both trying to conceal their worry under Ellie’s ever-present gaze, but knowing they could share it with each other.

“You’re not gonna scare us,” Ellie said, confidently.

Florence nodded towards Joel and Y/n, “Scared them.”

They quickly buried their anxieties under blind determination. Whatever lay across the bank, it didn’t matter. They had to believe that Tommy was both alive and well on the other side.

Filing out of the cabin, Joel and Y/n marched ahead of Ellie.

“You don’t seriously believe them,” Ellie half-stated, half-asked.

“They’ve lived here a long time,” Joel replied, trudging through the snow. He could feel his heartbeat speeding up.

Y/n turned around to see why she couldn’t hear Ellie’s footsteps following theirs. The girl was unhooking one of Marlon’s rabbits, “El, come on, don’t steal their food.”

Ellie was undeterred as she swung the game over her shoulder, “They don’t know anything. Never heard of the Fireflies.”

“Yeah, they wouldn’t have out here,” Y/n stretched her arms out around her to the snowy expanse, “Doesn’t mean you have to steal t-“

Y/n’s words faded in Joel’s ear, a steady ring filling the space. It was happening again.

Joel stumbled forward, resting a weak hand on a piece of the cabin’s fence, his breathing became labored. His thoughts began to spin with worst case scenarios in all their various forms that could become reality, if what lay on the other side of the river was real. Every nightmare his mind drummed up ended with Y/n or Ellie d-

“Joel,” Y/n called, she was the first of them to notice. She walked to meet him, “Joel.”

“Joel?” Ellie echoed, she’d had yet to witness one of his episodes, “Joel, are you okay?”

“Shut up,” he said, verbally waving Ellie off.

“Holy shit, are you dying?” Ellie continued.

Joel shook his head and shut his eyes, trying to block them out, “I’m okay.”

Y/n wasn’t so convinced, she laid a firm grip onto Joel’s shoulder. “Joel, c’mon.”

“Okay, but are you okay?” Ellie asked again.

“I’m fine,” Joel insisted, wishing desperately that Y/n would remove her hand, but not possessing the strength to shove it off, “I’m fine.”

“No, no, but are you?” Ellie wouldn’t stop, why couldn’t she stop? “Because just a reminder, that if you’re dead, we’re fucked.”

Y/n’s gaze darted to the girl, “Ellie-“

That was enough to bring Joel back to Earth.

“I said I’m fine,” he pushed, contradicting his words with his palm pressed to his chest. “It’s just the…cold air all of a sudden.”

Y/n let her hand slide off his shoulder, wholly aware that he was lying. The episodes had been occurring more and more over the last few weeks, they seemed to be getting worse the closer they got to wherever Tommy was or wasn’t.

Joel refused to ever tell her what triggered them, hell, he had barely figured it out himself. What he did know was that he couldn’t deal with what lay at the core of them all. That would have required an honesty he hadn’t possessed in twenty years.

“All right, uh,” Ellie was the first of the three to bounce back, “So let’s go find Tommy and the Fireflies. It’s gonna be easy,” she slid between the fence and called back to them, “All we have to do is cross the river of death.”

Joel and Y/n were left on their own, the former waiting to catch his breath, the latter waiting on an explanation.

“Would it have killed you to back me up in there?” Joel asked, his usual sour mood replacing the small glimpse of vulnerability.

“Yeah,” Y/n’s watched him bury the lsat thirty seconds, denying her an answer once again, “‘Cause that’s our biggest problem.”

She slid through the fence after Ellie, leaving Joel to bring up the rear of their group.

The last three months had been trying, but not in the ways Joel and Y/n might have thought at the beginning of their quest. They could only stay silent with each other for so long before they had to talk, and they’d reached a place where they weren’t at each other’s throats any more. While the snow had frozen the earth, their anger had melted…

Leaving all the underlying emotions to fill the vacant space.

The physical distance they kept hadn’t changed, but the unspoken chasm between them was beginning to cave in on itself. With each passing day, it was growing harder and harder for Joel and Y/n to pretend like they didn’t need each other.

In every one of Joel’s attacks, his guilt slammed into him like a tidal wave, threatening to drown the life out of him. So many people he’d let down and when he opened his eyes, he was staring into the face of one of them. One look at Y/n caused everything he’d told himself about her over the years to follow the undertow out to sea.

Y/n, in all her righteous rage, was beginning to do the impossible…she was starting to understand why Joel had done what he’d done to her. She’d spent twenty years cursing his name, a constant boil in her stomach that bubbled whenever she thought of him, but there’d always been a voice in her head reminding her of the ‘why.’ All of Joel’s actions from Outbreak Day on had been driven by a deep pain inside him. That inkling was starting to spread through Y/n’s mind, the dye well on its way to consuming the whole brain.

In a perfect world, they’d have come to one another, humbly, and talked it through. Instead, they held their grudge, with its dying flame, as the barricade between them, hoping that it sparked once more.

—————————

In the fall, fires had been a luxury, but as winter rolled in, they became necessary to make it through the night.

Y/n and Joel sat on opposite sides of it, Joel adding another layer of duct tape to his boot and Y/n stitching up a busted seam in her leather gloves. It was the apocalypse’s version of domesticities.

Ellie was above them, having scaled a rock to get a good look at the stars. A green glimpse of the Aurora Borealis waved through the midnight blue sky.

Joel whistled for her eventually, “Come down from there. You’re gonna break your neck.”

Ellie reluctantly returned to the ground, choosing to sit close to Y/n and watch her mend her glove. The two of them had grown closer over the past three months. Joel would never let his guard down wholly for Ellie, but Y/n was more comfortable letting the girl see her as she was.

“Ahh,” Ellie said, spotting the flask Joel was taking a swig from, “Can I have some?”

“No,” Y/n and Joel said in perfect harmony.

“What? Just to warm up,” Ellie clarified, “C’mon.”

Joel’s eyes flicked to Y/n, who knew she couldn’t hold old world rules to their situation. Her gaze falling back to her handiwork served as Joel’s answer.

Ellie took the flask, made sure to give a little ‘cheers’ to Joel and took a drink. She grimaced as it ran down her throat, “Yep,” she strained, “Still gross.”

Ellie held out the flask to Y/n, who shook her head. The thought of being anywhere near where Joel’s lips had been unsettled her.

“So I’ve been thinking,” Ellie started after a short stretch of silence, “Let’s say we find the Fireflies, it all works, they draw my blood and put it through some of their fancy machines and make a cure.”

Joel’s brows furrowed in confusion, “Okay.”

“Then what?” Ellie asked, “Like, what do we do?”

“Oh, it’s ‘we?’” Joel replied.

“Yeah, the end of this partnership comes as soon as we get to the base,” Y/n pointed between herself and Joel.

Ellie nearly rolled her eyes, “Okay, fine. Whatever, you. Separately. You can do anything you want,” she looked to Joel first, “Where are you going? What are you doing?”

Joel glanced at the sky, to admit his true answer would kill another piece of the remnants of his heart. “It’s never been an option,” he cleared his throat, “Maybe…”

For a split second, he saw it all again. His old house. Tommy in the kitchen, raiding their fridge. Sarah at the table, doing homework.

And Y/n, somewhere in the middle of it all, laughing and looking to Joel with a softness that both uplifted and settled him.

“An old farmhouse,” he lied, “Some land…a ranch.”

Y/n stared down at her needlework, knowing that each word was a lie.

“Cool,” Ellie replied, oblivious to the history surrounding her, “What kind?”

“Sheep,” Joel answered, it was the first animal he could think of, “I would raise sheep.”

“Sheep,” Ellie repeated under her breath.

“They’re quiet,” Joel continued, his stare falling on Ellie, “Do what they’re told.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” Ellie got the hint, “So just you and a buncha sheep. Romantic. Is there…” her eyes swung between Joel and Y/n, “Room for anyone else in the pens with you?”

The assumptions made by strangers that Y/n and Joel were a couple were enjoyable compared to Ellie’s constant attempts to push them together. They were getting more frequent and less subtle.

“I go back to work after this, El,” Y/n said, finishing up her last loop, “Doubtful I’ll be getting back to Boston any time soon, so I’ll probably stay at the camp out here.”

“That’s not what I asked,” Ellie shook her head, “I asked what you wanted to do. Out of anything, anything in the world.”

Y/n stopped her stitching, staring down at the needle, wondering if she poked herself hard enough, if she’d be able to draw blood. Would she be able to feel the prick? Or was she just numb enough that physical pain couldn’t touch her?

Joel had noticed that Y/n was beginning to slow down more. On the move, she was as fast as ever, but in the quiet moments between, there’d be times where the world was in motion, and she was perfectly still. It was like she was somewhere deep, deep in her mind, waiting for whatever hold had come over her to break and allow her to return to reality.

Y/n swallowed thickly, her past life flickering before her eyes like a movie montage. Sharing a beer with Tommy while watching a Cowboys game. Painting Sarah’s nails for her with a color the girl had stolen from Y/n’s bathroom. Laying in bed with Joel, deep in the pillows and listening to him sing softly over his guitar…

Her dreams were dead.

“I want to work,” she answered, it wasn’t a total lie, “Help people. If I stop for too long…then what the hell am I doing?”

Joel wished he didn’t recognize the underlying sentiment, that if she stopped moving at an inhuman pace, the grief would consume her. But he did, because it was the same way he lived his life.

Y/n clipped the thread with her teeth, beginning to tie a knot, “And what about you? What are you gonna do after you save the world?”

Ellie gave a small smile as Y/n nudged her with her shoulder. She turned her gaze to the sky, specifically the very visible moon. “It’s probably because I grew up in the QZ. Behind you, there’s ocean and ahead of you there’s a wall,” her smile grew the longer she stared at the stars, “Nowhere else to look but up. I read everything I could in the school library. Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, Jim Lovell…” Ellie sat forward with enthusiasm, “But you know who my favorite is?”

“Sally Ride,” Joel and Y/n both answered, it wasn’t hard to guess.

“Sally fuckin’ Ride,” Ellie slapped her knees, enunciating her point, “Best astronaut name ever!”

Whatever levity had come over their campsite faded quickly, Y/n watched as Ellie’s passion turned to sobering…grief? Guilt? She was hard to read sometimes, the innocence of youth and the scars of rushed adulthood creating something entirely new.

“It’ll work, right?” Ellie asked, “The vaccine?”

“It’s a little late to start wonderin’,” Joel responded, his hands folded over his stomach.

Ellie looked down at her lap, unable to look either Y/n or Joel in the eye. “I tried…with Sam.”

“Tried what?” Y/n asked.

“I knew he was infected,” Ellie confessed, “I rubbed some of my blood into his bite. I know,” she hurried, trying to stop Joel’s anxious admonishment before it came, “I know, it was stupid, but I…” she looked back down at her lap, “I wanted to save him.”

Y/n diverted her gaze to the fire, feeling the warmth of it deep in her belly. Not a day had gone by where she hadn’t thought about Henry or Sam. It had taken her a full day after their deaths to even be able to speak. The sorrow in Henry’s eyes before pulling the trigger on his own life haunted her. The pain of understanding still lingered in her chest, coming out to play every once in a while and remind her that no matter what she did, no matter how hard she worked to be a good person…she couldn’t erase what she had done.

“Well, I reckon it’s a lot more complicated than that,” Joel plainly answered, “Marlene, she’s a lotta things, but…she’s no fool. If she says they can do it, they can do it.”

Ellie absorbed his answer before turning to Y/n, waiting for her reassurance.

Y/n pulled herself out of her grief, barely quirking the corners of her lips up. “It’ll work,” she replied.

Ellie seemed to accept both their responses, letting silence fill the space again until she decided it was time to end her day. “How’re we splitting up the watches?”

Joel sighed, Y/n’s gaze already waiting for him when he looked up at her.

“We’ll do ‘em both,” he answered, “Get some sleep. Dream of…” he capped the flask and exchanged it for his rifle, “Sheep ranches on the moon.”

Ellie nodded, grabbing her sleeping bag and walking to the deeper part of their hideout, “I will.”

Y/n fitted her repaired glove back on her hand, tucking them under her armpits for extra warmth. This was the hardest part of each of the day/ When it was just Joel, her and the unmentionable divide between them.

Joel tried to distract himself, gazing up at the moon and focusing on tracing the constellations around it. But the self-discipline he tried so desperately to maintain concerning Y/n was slipping, his eyes using some uncontrollable part of his mind to drift over to her.

Y/n was struggling to keep up her stoic decorum, the urge to let her and Joel’s conversations warm growing stronger and stronger. It was natural in their mutual isolations to wish for someone to talk to. But with him in front of her, the figurehead of the past she wanted so desperately to go back to…she craved a piece of a memory, any memory, that only he could give her. A short hit of dopamine to get her through the next day.

“So, Tommy,” she began, it was the only part of their past she could safely return to.

“What about him?” Joel asked.

“Is he…” Y/n chewed on the inside of her cheek, trying to phrase the question right, “Is he still…Tommy?”

Joel sighed, the memories of two decades ago mixing with the last version of his brother he’d seen. “He’s still a pain in the ass, if that’s what you’re askin’.”

Y/n gave a very small smile, “But he’s still him?”

Whatever she was looking for, Joel couldn’t give her. None of them were like they’d been twenty years ago, except maybe her. She had managed to keep her humanity intact. He was darkness in both their eyes. As rough as he’d been on her at the beginning of their journey, now, he didn’t want to shatter her illusion about perhaps the one person left on the planet she loved.

“Yeah,” he replied, “He’s still him.”

Y/n nodded, deciding not to ask anything else and let the moment stay pleasant. “I can take first watch,” she volunteered.

“No, you go ahead,” Joel shook his head, “I’ll wake you up.”

“Okay,” Y/n replied, too tired to fight him. She grabbed her own rifle before unrolling her sleeping bag on her side of the fire, stretching out under it and using her arm as a pillow.

Joel kept his eyes off of her until the even rhythm of her breaths told him she was asleep. Then, and only then, did he let himself watch her, trying to combat the various fears that filled his head. She was there, in front of him, alive and well.

But how long could he keep her like that?

—————————

Even in his sleep, Joel couldn’t find rest.

A barrage of images, flashes of colors and echoes of screams, played through his mind. When he startled awake, like every morning past, all he could feel was an overwhelming sense of loss.

The gun was gone.

This was it. His grand failure.

He bolted upright only to find Ellie, a few feet away, standing guard with his rifle.

“Still mumbling in your sleep,” she stated, “I woke up early. You and Y/n,” she glanced over at her still-sleeping guardian, “Were passed out, so I took second watch.”

“You gotta wake one of us up if that happens,” Joel snapped, quickly getting to his feet and crossing the distance between him and Y/n, “You can’t do things like this.”

“But I can,” Ellie smiled, “‘Cause I just did.”

Joel crouched down, shaking Y/n’s arm lightly in an effort not to startle her, “Hey.”

All credit to him for trying, Y/n still woke with a gasp. It was her basic programming.

“We’re fine, we’re fine,” Joel was quick to reassure her as she rolled onto her back.

Y/n scrunched her eyes, blinking the sleep away from them, and sat up. It was daylight. Joel hadn’t woken her up for her watch, again.

“My fault,” he accepted the blame she was getting ready to place on him before continuing his conversation with Ellie, “We’re responsible for you, okay?”

“Then don’t fall asleep,” Ellie challanged, “I was quiet, I checked my six, I looked for tracks, I found the high ground and I kept watch,” she explained as Joel approached her, “Like you taught me to. What can I say, man? I’m a natural.”

Y/n scoffed as she unzipped her sleeping bag, “And you’re not cocky about it at all.”

Joel held out a demanding hand, taking the rifle from Ellie, but accepting that she’d done the job right. “You wake us up next time,” he ordered.

“Yes, sir,” Ellie replied, smugness evident in her tone and on her face.

Without another word, Y/n and Joel collected the few things they’d unpacked, smothered what remained of the fire, and the three of them resumed their hike to an unknown destination.

—————————

Even if they’d have been warned in graphic detail what lay over the River of Death, it wouldn’t have changed Joel and Y/n’s minds. The only way to Tommy was to risk their lives crossing, and they did so with very little hesitation.

Ellie, bless her soul, had found plenty of ways to keep herself entertained on the way, including trying to teach herself how to whistle and requesting hunting training. Joel still wouldn’t budge on the latter.

“So, I’ve been thinking,” Ellie started at some point in their hike, “And I think I figured out what happened between you two.”

Joel and Y/n tensed up as they walked alongside one another, Ellie’s cleverness worked against them most of the time.

“Obviously, you two were a thing way back when in Texas,” she explained, adding a twang to the state’s name, “And then at some point, you guys break up. The ‘why’ was what was tripping me up, until I realized, boom…there was somebody else.”

Y/n forcefully exhaled, wondering whether the theory was more preferable to the truth.

“Now, I can’t quite figure out which one of you would’ve slipped up,” Ellie continued, “But even if you didn’t cheat with them, there was someone who got in between you enough to equal a big fight, throwing things at one another, screaming how much you loved each other and eventually ending with you swearing never to speak again. Which is why you two were ready to kill each other when you met in the QZ.”

Joel was near reaching his boiling point, fighting the pull to spin around to Ellie, wave a finger in her face and explain exactly how the situation had gone down. But the reality of those words finally escaping his lips and taking up space in the world was an unbearable thought.

Y/n was near breaking too, feeling the cracks in her chest begin to spread. She needed off the topic if she was going to be able to take a breath. “What the hell kind of stories were you checking out in between astronaut books?”

“Whatever,” Ellie brushed it off, “I know I’m right.”

Thankfully, she let the subject go as soon as they closed in on an old, out-of-usage dam. The water still gushed through it and into the river.

“Dam,” Ellie punned.

“You’re no Will Livingston,” Joel remarked.

“Yeah, yeah, but who is?” Ellie smiled, “So that made electricity?”

“Yeah,” Joel answered, predicting Ellie’s next question, “Don’t ask me, I don’t have a clue.”

He resumed their walk, Y/n and Ellie trailing behind.

“You know, you could have just made something up,” Ellie said, “I would’ve believed you.”

The three of them hiked a half hour more before coming up on another side of the river, or perhaps, an entirely separate one.

“Look at that river,” Ellie remarked, “It’s crazy blue.”

Y/n and Joel were hardly paying attention, both in their own separate thought bubbles. Any time the subject of their past relationship was brought up, it reset the clock on their comfort with each other and took at least an hour to warm back up to one another.

“Hey,” Ellie spoke up, “What if this…is the River of Death?”

The adults stopped in their tracks, the thought hadn’t dawned on them after the victory of crossing the first body of water. Joel whipped out their map, Y/n came to join him and the two of them examined it carefully.

“Fuck,” Y/n mumbled under her breath, pressing a hand to her temple.

“We don’t know it yet,” Joel quickly said, walking ahead a few steps to get a better view of their surroundings. Y/n followed closely, with Ellie on their heels.

A noise on the hill above them caught Y/n’s ear, her eyes lifting from the map to see a group of riders coming straight for them.

“Joel,” she shook his arm forcefully, bringing his attention upwards.

At the first glimpse, Joel grabbed Ellie’s free hand, Y/n taking the other, and they bolted for the forest. There were enough riders to circle them in, aiming their rifles at them and cutting off any escape route they could have found. They were fucked.

“Get behind me,” Joel told Ellie and Y/n, only the youngest of the two listened to him. The three of them held their hands up, “We ain’t lookin’ for any trouble, we’re just passin’ through.”

“Drop the guns,” one of the riders ordered.

Slowly, Y/n and Joel slipped their rifles off of their shoulders and placed them on the ground.

“You,” the same guy nodded to Ellie, “Take five steps back.”

“We can talk through this,” Y/n said, her voice gained strength the moment Ellie was addressed.

“How about you shut the fuck up?”

“Okay,” Joel spoke quickly, his hand instinctively flinching towards Y/n’s as she was threatened, “Easy,” he looked behind to Ellie and said with a low voice, “You’ll be okay.”

Ellie backed up reluctantly, her eyes darting between the riders, Y/n and Joel.

“You been near any Infected?”

“There’s no Infected out here,” Joel answered the man.

“The hell there ain’t,” the rider replied, whistling immediately after. One of them walked a dog, a German Shepherd, forward. He was barking wildly. “Last chance for a bullet. If you’ve been infected, he will smell it, and he will rip you up.”

Y/n and Joel’s blood ran cold.

The dog came forward, sniffing from Joel’s boots up to his torso, and deeming him safe. He went through the same motions with Y/n before walking back to its keeper. Joel and Y/n felt the same hesitant relief, could they really make it out of this?

“Like I said,” Joel said, “We’ll just move on.”

But life wasn’t that merciful to them. “Now her,” the rider nodded back to Ellie.

Y/n turned to face the girl, Ellie’s eyes widened with childlike fear. There was nothing Y/n could do to help. The second she raised her pistol, she’d be dead. They’d know they were hiding something and they’d shoot Ellie too. But if she stayed perfectly still, resting all of her hope on a blind theory, maybe…just maybe…

Joel wasn’t thinking hardly as rationally as his ex. His ears began to ring, his heart began to race, all his senses blinding him with terror as the dog approached. He was helpless again, his hands tied behind his back as he watched someone he cared about die a slow, meaningless de-

Ellie giggled.

Y/n huffed a sigh of relief at the sound, her and Joel turning to see the dog licking Ellie’s face. She fell back onto the snow, laughing and scratching the animal’s neck. When she smiled up at them, Joel and Y/n felt the oxygen return to their lungs.

The rider whistled for the dog to return, “You just bought yourself ten more seconds. What are you doin’ out here?”

It took Joel a few of those seconds to come back to his surroundings, “We’re just lookin’ for my brother. That’s all, nothin’ more.”

“Ho!”

The rider to the left of the one threatening them nudged her horse forward, stopping a few feet closer to Joel and Y/n. “What’re your names?”

“Joel,” he answered.

“Y/n.”

The woman looked them over, her bandana covering all but her eyes. “I can take you to your brother,” she finally said.

Joel’s lips parted in shock, instantly tilting his head to gaze over at Y/n, who wore the same surprise. Tommy was alive.

The woman called back to one of the riders, ordering them to go retrieve the two extra horses they’d left to graze. They were brought back, saddled and all, and Joel, Y/n and Ellie were directed to get on them.

Y/n jumped on one first, her and Joel both helping Ellie onto the rear of the saddle.

“You hold on and you don’t let go, alright?” Y/n said, wrapping the reins of the bridle around her fist. It had been a long time since she’d ridden.

“Mm-hmm,” Ellie hummed, locking her arms around Y/n’s middle.

Joel promptly mounted his own horse, nudging his them closer to ride alongside Y/n and Ellie.

“Let’s move out,” the woman called to the group.

They rode about fifteen minutes, galloping further west. In the distance, a building could barely be made out. The closer they got, the more Y/n and Joel could tell it was a fort. The party slowed as they approached the gate, two riders getting off their horses to help open it up. Joel and Y/n followed without question, despite having a dozen.

Y/n’s breath caught at the sight inside the walls.

It was a town. A proper fucking town.

Unlike the QZ, the place they were looked whole, kept up. The buildings weren’t crumbling, they stood firmly planted in the ground. All around them, people were strolling, not running. Children were screaming in play, not in fear. There were even snowmen lining the outside of one of the storefronts.

Y/n wanted to look back at Joel, to make sure he was seeing it too. She instead kept her eyes forward, scanning over her surroundings in awe.

Joel was entirely confused, but otherwise occupied by checking each and every face they passed to see if it was Tommy. Eventually, the sounds of construction instinctively brought his attention to the side of a building where two men were hard at work. The second silhouette, a tall, thin, dark haired man, didn’t require an extra second of examination. Joel knew it was his brother.

“Tommy,” he shouted.

Y/n followed Joel’s line of vision and let out a hushed gasp.

Tommy looked up from his work, scanning the group for the familiar voice. His eyes fell on his brother, shock freezing him for a few seconds before he began to climb down the scaling.

Joel slid off his horse, his steps quickening as relief flooded his body. Tommy strode towards him, the two of them meeting in a solid, long overdue, embrace.

Tommy laughed into Joel’s shoulder before pulling back to get a good look at him, “What the fuck you doin’ here?”

Joel took a breath, taking in their surroundings, “I came here to save you.”

Tommy’s brows furrowed while Joel exploded into a fit of laughter, the two of them pulling each other back in.

Y/n wound her leg over her horse, dropping to the ground and handing Ellie the reins. She kept her distance as she watched the brothers reunite, a sharp pain running through her chest she hadn’t felt in two decades. But when Tommy opened his eyes, gazing over Joel’s shoulder, he straightened up.

Tommy looked between his brother and Y/n, dumbfounded by the sight of them in the same vicinity. He broke away from Joel, walking the distance before matching Y/n’s quickened jog, and lifted the woman into his arms.

As soon as Tommy embraced her, Y/n’s long-held tears began to fall.

“What the hell?” Tommy asked, his mouth muffled against Y/n’s coat.

Y/n was too overwhelmed to explain anything.

“I tried,” Tommy rushed out, having held onto those two words for twenty years, “I tried to find you, I couldn’t.”

“I know,” Y/n sniffled, “I know.”

Cleared of any wrongdoing in her eyes, Tommy held Y/n a little tighter and pulled her off her feet. She laughed as she cried, digging her face into the denim of Tommy’s jacket.

If Joel had thought he could handle the reunion, he’d been wrong. The sight of his brother and his ex, so thrilled to be in each other’s presence again, split him. It was the first time in three months he’d seen Y/n genuinely happy, so full of joy she was brought to tears.

Joel could feel his own eyes growing wet.

Tommy set Y/n back on the ground, keeping an arm around her shoulders and looking to Joel. When Y/n and Joel’s gazes met, there was no trying to hide any of what they were feeling. It was a heavy moment, but a joyous one, and they had to sit with it.

“Y’all must be starving,” Tommy said, “Let’s head to the mess hall, give us some time to talk.”

The rest of the riders trailed off, leaving Joel, Y/n, Ellie, Tommy and the dark skinned woman who had led brought them there. Y/n and Joel remained on foot with Tommy, though Y/n kept a hand on Ellie’s reins all the way to the mess hall.

Inside, the woman Tommy introduced as Maria, made special effort to get Joel, Ellie and Y/n hot plates of food. Weeks of mostly rabbit had them shoveling their meals into their mouths, none of them even asked what they’d been served.

“There’s more if you need it,” Maria offered, her and Tommy sitting across from the threesome.

Joel looked up from his plate, “Thank you, ma’am. It’s been a while since we’ve had a proper meal.”

“Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever had a proper meal,” Ellie interjected in between bites, “This is fuckin’ amazing.”

Y/n took her eyes off her plate to shoot Ellie a raised eyebrow.

Joel’s southern upbringing turned him white with shock, he quickly looked up to Maria. “Sorry. Ellie, let’s mind our manners.”

Tommy smiled at his brother, it all sounded very familiar…

Ellie looked across the room, spotting a girl watching her from behind a wooden beam. She glared back at her curious stare, “What?”

Y/n pressed a finger to her temple, “Ellie…”

“What’s wrong with you?” Joel asked.

“What about her manners?” Ellie replied.

“She was just curious,” Maria cut in, “Kids around here don’t usually look or talk like you.”

“Right…” Ellie was unimpressed, “Well…maybe I’ll teach them. And I want my gun back.”

“They also aren’t armed,” Marie replied, the group had been forced to check their guns at the front door.

“You know what?” Tommy jumped in, “Uh, I think maybe y’all got a little off on the wrong foot.”

Ellie gestured to the woman, “She was gonna have her guys kill us.”

“Well, we gotta be real careful about who we let into this place,” Tommy explained, “But it’s all bark. We’re just tryna scare off those who might wanna try us is all.”

“Well,” Ellie returned to her plate, “You’ve got a couple of 90-year olds shitting themselves out there.”

Joel and Y/n’s heads turned at the same time, “Ellie.”

“They say that you leave dead bodies laying around?” Ellie continued her tirade.

“Those are the people that tried us,” Maria said.

“A bad reputation doesn’t mean you’re bad,” Tommy stated.

“Not always at least,” Maria added, staring right at Joel.

The tension at the table was palpable, Joel, Y/n and Ellie all wating for Maria’s glare to soften. That wasn’t going to happen.

“Ma’am,” Joel’s voice firmed up, while still retaining its southern pleasantness, “We’re grateful for your hospitality and all,” he looked expectantly to Tommy, “But it’d be nice to have a moment here, maybe just for family.”

Family, and whatever Y/n and Ellie were.

Tommy was half holding his breath as he leaned forward, “Well, um,” he took his wife’s hand, “Maria is family, actually.”

Y/n nearly had the wind knocked out of her, thankful she didn’t have a piece of food in her mouth.

“Oh, shit!” Ellie put together the pieces, “Congrats.”

Joel couldn’t take his eyes off of their clasped palms, painfully transfixed by the bands around their fourth fingers.

“Yeah,” Y/n added, quickly trying to adjust to the idea of Tommy as a husband, “Congratulations.”

“Joel,” Ellie lowered her voice, “Say congrats.”

It was going to take a hell of a lot more time for Joel to absorb the news. “Congrats,” he attempted.

It wasn’t that it was awkward, it was that the ever present dagger in Joel’s heart suddenly twisted.

“Well, how ‘bout a tour?” Tommy suggested, eager to exchange the tension for some fresh air.

“Great idea,” Y/n replied, wiping her mouth off and rising before anyone else. There was a pit of anxiety slowly and steadily building in her stomach and she needed to walk it off.

They were quick to find out that the heart of the town looked even nicer than the edge.

“We settled here about seven years ago,” Maria told the group, “Just a handful of us back then,” she pointed down the middle of the town, “That section was already a gated community, so we built the rest of the wall out from there. Stopped most of the raiding parties, but we still find pockets of them.”

Joel, Y/n and Ellie stayed in a horizontal line behind Maria and Tommy, the foreign environment causing them to want to stick closer together. Unwittingly, Ellie was once again being made the barrier between Joel and Y/n.

“And you said Infected?” Joel asked.

“Yeah, but usually smaller colonies,” Tommy answered, “Wandered off from the cities. All this open country out here…” he looked back to his brother, “It’s a turkey shoot. I still got my 700, but I found a variable power scope. Sub-MOA. Can headshot those fuckers from a half-mile out.”

Ellie’s ears perked up, “Can you teach me how?”

“No, he can’t,” Joel was quick to shoot down the idea.

“How do you keep off the radar?” Y/n asked, “I mean, using all these resources, how has FEDRA not tracked you guys down?”

“Carefully,” Maria answered, “Being in the middle of nowhere helps. Not advertising what we have, staying off the radio.”

Tommy snuck a look to Joel, who had come up alongside him. There was the answer he’d been waiting three months for.

“House of worship,” Maria continued to talk through the buildings, “Multifaith. School. Laundry. Old bank works as the jail, not that we’ve needed it.”

Joel’s eyes drew upwards to the electrical lines, “And you draw power from the dam?”

“Got that workin’ a couple years ago,” Maria answered, “After that, sewage, plumbing, water heaters…lights.”

“This place actually fuckin’ works,” Ellie remarked as she walked, leaving Joel and Y/n behind.

If Y/n thought she’d gotten a taste of normality back at Bill and Frank’s house, this felt like some sort of starvation induced hallucination. Except there was food in her belly and ice cold air in her lungs, it was all real.

Tommy and Maria led them towards the agricultural section of town, rows of greenhouses and animal pens lining their way.

“Hey, Joel, look,” Ellie pointed to the heard of sheep ahead of them, “Baaah,” she laughed before turning to Maria, “So are you, like, in charge?”

“No one person’s in charge,” Maria responded, “I’m on the council, democratically elected, serving 300 people, including children. Everyone pitches in. We rotate patrols, food prep, repairs, hunting, harvesting.”

“Everything you see in our town,” Tommy gestured around them, “Greenhouses, livestock, all shared. Collective ownership.”

”So, uh,” Joel figured, “Communism.”

Tommy was quick to scoff, “Nah. Nah, it ain’t like that.”

“It is that, literally,” Maria turned to her husband, “This is a commune. We’re communists.”

Tommy stopped short as the realization hit him, Joel and Y/n trailing behind purely to watch his full reaction.

“Easy there, soldier,” Y/n smirked, patting him on the shoulder while Joel matched her expression.

Rejoining Maria and Ellie, where Ellie was petting one of the horses poking their heads out of the stables, Maria changed subjects.

“Well, I’m sure they’d like a shower, some new clothes,” she addressed Tommy, “We can put them in the empty house across the street from us.”

“Yeah,” Tommy nodded, looking to Joel and Y/n, “It’s a decent place. Pretty much untouched since ‘03, but it’s the heat goin’ in it. Could do worse.”

“Oh, trust me,” Ellie spoke up, “We have been.”

“We’ve been doin’ fine,” Joel defended them, nervously rubbing his hands together. He needed to talk to his brother, just them.

Y/n was absentmindedly tapping her foot, matching Joel’s energy. The town itself was lovely, and Joel was bearable, but there was something about the combination of the two that was making her feel uneasy.

“Well,” Maria picked up on the mood, “I’ll take Ellie over there if you three wanna catch up?”

“Uh,” Y/n raised her hand quickly, “I’d actually love to join you.”

Tommy started to speak up, he was more than curious as to how Y/n and Joel had reunited. One look at the readiness in Joel’s eyes to be without her ceased his tongue from moving.

Ellie, however, had started to require both Joel and Y/n’s presence with her. Without one, she was restless. “Joel…”

“You’ll be fine,” Joel reassured her as he and Tommy walked off. He managed not to seek out Y/n’s eyes, it felt like the first time in days he’d had any control.

Y/n expected that parting from Joel would give her instant relief, but even when Maria led her and Ellie to their lodging, it didn’t come. In fact, the more distance they put between each other, the deeper Y/n could feel the anxiety within her. She was miserable with him and unsettled without him.

The house Maria assigned them was lovely, modest yet welcoming. Y/n nearly felt her heart break walking in, feeling the warmth of the air flood her body. It was like stepping back in time, a piece of seemingly meaningless history preserved perfectly.

“I’ll leave some clothes on the bed for you,” Maria told Ellie, pointing up the stairs, “First door on the left. There should be a towel and soap already there.”

Ellie looked expectantly to Y/n.

“I’ve got a few things to grab over at my place,” Maria said, “Maybe Y/n could help me?”

“Go,” Y/n nodded to the girl, “I’ll be back.”

Ellie filed upstairs, leaving Y/n and Maria to themselves. Maria made sure to lock the door on her way out, handing Y/n the key after.

“There’s only one, so don’t lose it,” she noted, leading Y/n across the street to her and Tommy’s house. The house felt much the same as the other one did, a few differences in designs, but nothing spectacular.

Maria began to rifle through a closet near the downstairs bathroom while Y/n meandered through the living room.

“Y’know, Tommy told me about you,” Maria called from across the room, “I’ve only heard your name once or twice. Every other time, he just referred to you as Rosebud.”

The nickname sent a sickening pain through Y/n’s stomach. “Oh, yeah,” she tried to play it off nonchalantly, “He gave me that nickname the night I met him and…”

“Joel?” Maria finished, popping her head out to try and get a read on Y/n’s reaction. She had a lot of feelings regarding her husband’s brother.

All Y/n felt capable of doing was nodding, blindly feeling around for the chair closest to her. She wandered the room, her eyes drifting to the fireplace before scanning her way up and-

Her heart stopped.

Sat on the mantle was a chalkboard, two names and two dates written across it.

Kevin - 4/3/00 - 9/29/03

Sarah - 7/20/89 - 9/27/03

Negative emotions always tended to stay right below the surface, regardless of the cliches about burying them. They were easily accessible under the right conditions, and if the wound was deep enough, it didn’t take much to trigger them. Y/n was already on the edge, teetering between holding onto the last bit of anger that had fueled her the past twenty years and collapsing under the weight of her grief.

Sarah’s name decided her fate.

And she crumbled.

—————————

“Those things I did, Tommy, those things you judge me for…I did those things to keep us alive.”

“We did those things,” Tommy pushed back, “And they weren’t “things’,” we murdered people. And I don’t judge you for it, we survived the only way we knew how…but there were other ways. We just weren’t any good at ‘em,” he paused, preparing himself for Joel’s reaction, “But I do judge you for what you did to Y/n.”

Joel sighed, he couldn’t take it. He physically could not handle discussing that day with Tommy.

“Joel, you l-“

“I know what I did,” Joel’s voice rose, he held up a hand more to calm himself than anything else.

“And now, twenty years later, here she is,” Tommy gestured to the door as if Y/n was right outside, “Do you even know where she’s been? What she’s been through? ‘Cause I don’t! And I’d have liked to know.”

Joel’s anxiety was beginning to bubble in his stomach, the vines climbing up his throat, ready to choke the life out of him.

“Have the two of you even talked about it?” Tommy asked calmly, his own emotions on the verge of showing.

Joel gripped the bar counter so hard, he thought he might snap the wood. He rolled the cold glass in his palm, trying to hold onto anything he could, as if it could save him from being sucked back into the vortex that was the past…

—————————

September 28th, 2003. Austin, Texas.

Cordyceps.

It was the only word people were capable of saying.

Cordyceps.

One little strand of fungi had taken out the entire world.

Joel, Y/n and Tommy ended up quarantined at a triage clinic. It was deemed one of the only “safe zones” for non-infected citizens. Dozens and dozens of people, crammed into a tiny building, practically sleeping on one another.

Joel had yet to string more than two words together since Sarah’s death. He was nearly unreachable. It was tragic enough for a parent to lose a child, it was another thing to cradle your daughter as she bleeds out in your arms.

Y/n felt like she was moving through cement, unable to fully comprehend what was going on around them. Her grief was overwhelming her, leaving her no more than twenty minute interludes between fits of wailing. But with Joel completely decommissioned, she was forced to rise to the occasion and take charge of their situation.

She returned from another attempt to reach her parent’s house, her cell phone getting no reception. She’d also tried the pay phone and Joel and Tommy’s phones. Nothing.

Y/n settled beside Joel in their corner of their hallway, it was nearly empty on account of it being the middle of the day. Most people took their walks around then. Tommy had volunteered to go out on patrol with a couple other veterans that were there.

“I still can’t get through,” Y/n started, hugging her knees to her chest, “Tried my parents, Annie, Jason…” she thought of her siblings, “Nothing.”

Joel didn’t even acknowledge her presence, he just kept staring down the hall.

“I have to get up there, Joel,” Y/n finally said, the thought had been keeping her awake all night, “I have to find them, make sure they’re okay.”

Many people assume that grief is but one emotion; sorrow. A deep sea of pain that you are thrown into without a floatiation device. But those who have never experienced it know not of the vastness of grief. There is anger, there is frustration, there is betrayal, there is jealousy…all of which can change you into an entirely different person.

And Joel was slipping away by the second.

“Joel, I have to go,” Y/n spelled it out in simpler terms for him.

Nothing.

“And I can’t go alone…” Y/n continued, worried that he had completely shut down. She rolled onto her knees, taking one of Joel’s cheek into her palm, “Joel, I need you.”

Joel stared forward, motionless.

Y/n was flying blind, unsure of how much was too much talking or how little she was supposed to be acknowledging Sarah’s death. But the world was, quite literally, falling apart. She couldn’t navigate the wreckage on her own.

“Joel,” she whispered, “I know it hurts-“

“Don’t,” Joel turned to her, the speed of it causing Y/n to pull her hand back, “Don’t.”

Y/n’s eyebrows came down in confusion, “Don’t what?”

“Don’t you act like you know what I’m feelin’,” he snapped, tears filling his eyes.

Of all the reactions, Y/n couldn’t have ever predicted this one.

“Joel, I was there too,” she replied, keeping her tone gentle, “I was-“

Joel pointed his finger at Y/n, their faces inches apart. “I’m her father,” he gritted through his teeth, “You were a bystander. They are not the same.”

Y/n inched back, bracing her body with her hands. He’d never so much as raised his voice at her.

As much as she wanted to let him grieve, she couldn’t let him descend into hostility. She wasn’t sure if her tactic would hurt him further or allow him to see the truth, but she couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“Joel…” she began, he was back staring numbly at the wall again. Y/n drew a shaky breath, the memory was so fresh in her mind, she could still hear Sarah’s voice. “She called me mom.”

If there was one thing about Joel’s reaction to his daughter’s death, it was the sheer delirium it threw his brain into. Much like Cordyceps, it was ripping through every cell of his body, changing the fundamentals of every inch. Whatever reaction he may have had to the news of Sarah’s decision had been poisoned by what he was allowing her loss to do to him.

He locked his hands together, gripping them so hard his knuckles turned white. Shutting his eyes, he let his head drop between his arms and took a shallow breath. “No, she didn’t.”

Y/n was afraid his mind was slipping away from her. “Joel, she did,” she continued, trying to push past the lump in her throat, “I went upstairs to bed a-and she called out for me.”

“She didn’t,” Joel repeated, his hands practically shaking with rage.

“Joel,” Y/n began, reaching up to touch his arm.

“NO!”

Joel jumped to his feet, his shout echoing in the empty room. He’d scared Y/n enough for her to fall back against the wall.

“She didn’t fuckin’ say it,” Joel aimed his finger at his girlfriend again, “You weren’t her damn mother.”

Y/n stared up at him with tears in her eyes.

“Doesn’t matter if you wanted to be,” Joel kept going, “Doesn’t matter if you tried. You weren’t. You were some fuckin’ woman livin’ in her house.”

Y/n got to her feet, trying ever so hard to be patient with Joel’s grief. But she wasn’t going to allow him to take her last normal moment she’d had with Sarah away from her.

“You weren’t there,” she argued back, “It happened, whether or not you want to believe it,” Y/n pointed a finger at her own chest, “She chose me.”

“You’re fuckin’ lyin’,” Joel growled, spinning away from Y/n and putting his hands to his hips. He couldn’t look at her.

Y/n was entirely lost, praying that Tommy returned soon. She couldn’t manage Joel in this state on her own.

Joel couldn’t see straight, let alone think straight. Only one thing seemed to ring true in his mind; Y/n was lying. She was a liar. She was lying about his dead daughter. What kind of monster would lie about a dead child?

Like a snowball rolling down a mountain, Joel’s delirious realization began to make sense, leaving him with only one course of action.

“I’m done.”

Y/n could barely register the sudden shift, from anger to calm. “What?”

Joel turned back to her, sweeping his hand through the air, “I’m done. We’re done.”

The air thickened suddenly, the stakes of his statement as important as the next breath Y/n drew.

“Joel-“

“No,” he shook his head quickly, “This is over. I’m not gonna stay with you when you’re lyin’ about my child-“

Y/n took an urgent step forward, reaching out for his arm, “Joel-“

“You don’t get to try and make yourself feel better about her now that she’s g-“ Joel choked on the word, flipping back to grief for a mere second, “Oh, God…”

Y/n was on the verge of panic, he was completely out of his mind. “Joel,” she urged, “Don’t do this. Take a breath and-“

Just like that, he was engorged in rage again. “Don’t. Don’t fuckin’ touch me, don’t even fuckin’ look at me.”

“Joel,” Y/n cried, her tears streaming down her face, “I love you. I’m here and I love you.”

Through the haze of insanity, Joel could feel her words. They wrapped around him, cradling him close to the warmth of her chest. He could almost feel something again, something pure and safe…it nearly pulled him back to shore.

Nearly.

Joel crossed the space between them, lowering his voice to a growl, “Well, I don’t love you.”

If there was an exact moment to point to as to when Y/n’s heart shattered, it was then. The force of Sarah’s death weighed so heavily on her chest, she was convinced she was in the midst of a heart attack. But when two tragedies occurred, so close together, it was always the second one that broke a person beyond repair. The second is unexpected, pushing you into a new level of grief you didn’t think you could feel. That was the one that could drive you to madness.

Snot and tears mixing across her lips, Y/n shook her head. “You don’t mean that,” she mumbled.

“I do,” Joel replied, his voice so full of confidence, “You’re a fuckin’ liar.”

Y/n felt like she was drowning, kicking and flailing under the waters, trying to find some way to make Joel believe her. To pull him out of his delusions.

The two lovers stood in the hall of the clinic, squaring off in a battle neither one of them knew how to fight. Their heartbreak was manifesting in completely opposite ways.

Scanning her face once more, to remember in the years to come, Joel turned on his heel and walked away from Y/n.

“W-wait,” she trembled, quickly following after him, “Where are you going?”

“To find Tommy,” Joel said, his fists curled at his sides as he marched through the clinic.

“Joel, stop,” Y/n begged, trying to keep up with his pace, “Joel!”

Joel made his way outside, where the clinic was still accepting injured civilians. All around them was tragedy, while one was unfolding between them.

“Joel,” Y/n called again, six feet behind him, the grief in her bones slowing her down, “Joel, you can’t go out there. Tommy said-“

“Don’t tell me what my own brother said,” Joel practically shouted, refusing to look back at her. He needed a quick escape.

Scanning the makeshift parking lot around them, he spotted an F1-50. He stalked towards it as if it were prey.

“Joel,” Y/n called in between her sobs, she was more terrified for him than anything else.

Once he got to the truck’s door, Joel slammed his fist without hesitation through the glass window.

“Joel!” Y/n cried, watching the blood begin to trickle down his knuckles.

Joel reached through the shattered window, felt around for the lock/unlock button on the door and clicked it. He threw the door open and got inside, the glass on the seat cutting through his jeans and into his thighs.

Y/n surged forward, Joel’s absolute insanity was becoming real. He was actually leaving her. She took hold of the door handle, “Joel, don’t. Don’t,” she hyperventilated, “I can’t do this without you. I can’t. I can’t.”

Her pleas began to crack the ice around his heart, just enough for him to allow another gust of icy wind through his chest. He became indifferent to her cries.

Joel slammed the door shut, the force of it pulling Y/n forward.

“Joel, don’t do this,” she sobbed, clinging to the side of the truck, “I love you. I love you. We can get through this. We can get through this.”

Joel felt around for the keys, finding them conveniently left in the ignition. He switched the truck on.

Y/n’s chest heaved, her window for reasoning with him closing. “No, Joel. Don’t do this! I love you, please, don’t do this.”

Joel’s body trembled, some sane part of him knowing that was he was doing was inhumane. But grief’s noose tightened around his throat, reminding him that the sicker state of mind was where he belonged now. His heart was nothing more than a liability now.

He pressed down on the gas pedal.

“No,” Y/n yelled as the truck shifted, she was practically tripping in the dirt trying to move with it, “Joel, don’t! Don’t do this to me! Please! Don’t do this to me!”

Joel ignored her cries, turning the truck towards the open road.

“Don’t do this,” Y/n shouted, her voice straining and fluctuating with her tears. If he didn’t stop soon, she wouldn’t be able to keep up with the truck. “Joel!”

The final cry did it, Joel couldn’t handle any more. He pressed down further on the pedal, jolting the truck forward.

Y/n was able to catch one last look at him, a final glimpse at the man she loved with her whole heart, leaving her as if she was nothing more than a dead body already. When her hand slipped from the truck, Joel having sped up to escape her, she knew he was forever lost to her.

She stopped running, screaming into the cloud of dirt he’d left, “JOEL!”

Y/n watched him steer the truck out of the clinic’s lot, pulling onto the dirt alongside the road and driving off. Her wet eyes followed the blur until it was completley out of sight.

That was when she fell apart.

She dropped to the ground, screeching like a wounded animal, clutching the ground underneath her fingers. She screamed loud enough for a clinic staff member to rush out, reaching out to help her. Y/n wrenched out of their loving grip, shrieking for them not to touch her. She didn’t want their oxygen masks, their sedatives or their counseling.

Sarah was gone. Joel had abandoned her. If this was death coming to collect her, she would go willingly into its embrace.

—————————

December 2023. Jackson, Wyoming.

Y/n dropped to her knees in the middle of Maria and Tommy’s living room, clutching her stomach.

“I think I found everything,” Maria announced, walking out from the closet and spotting Y/n. She rushed across the room, kneeling down beside her.

Silent sobs turned to violent ones, shaking Y/n’s body with a force she hadn’t felt in twenty years. Unlike that fateful day, Y/n allowed Maria’s caring arms to wrap around her as she wept.

“I’m sorry,” the kind woman said, pressing close to Y/n’s ear.

There was nothing anyone could say to put any of the pieces back together. Every part of Y/n’s grief over Sarah’s death, Joel’s abandonment, the choices she’d had to make after she was left on her own…it was all coming to the surface after three months of repression. The physicality of her sobs exhausted her less than the act of holding herself together in front of Ellie and Joel.

Five minutes or a half hour, Y/n wasn’t sure how long she spent on the floor, Maria cradling her as if she were a child. At some point, the tears stopped and she was once again aware of her surroundings.

“Tommy told me all about you,” Maria said, still holding Y/n, “About your family. How good you were with Sarah.”

Y/n sniffled, fighting the urge to gaze back up at the girl’s chalk-written name. It would only send her back into tears.

“It doesn’t matter what happened between you and Joel,” Maria continued, clearly she knew a lot more than perhaps she should have, “You helped raise that girl. Far as I’m concerned, you should feel a mother’s grief.”

A mumbled cry bubbled from Y/n’s lips. Every day she felt the loss of Sarah like that of a lost limb, the phantom pain constantly pulling at her body.

—————————

“I’m gonna be a father.”

Tommy’s words paralyzed Joel, he physically lost the sensation of his heartbeat, his breath…it all stopped, allowing grief and bitterness to fill the hollowness within him.

“To be honest, I’m scared to death,” Tommy lifted his glass to his lips, “But I don’t know, uh…” he smiled, “I feel like I’d be a good dad.”

Joel wanted to scream, he wanted to punch a hole through the fucking wall to counter the pain of the universe’s cruel slap.

“Guess we’ll find out,” he replied, reaching for the bottle of whiskey and refilling his glass.

“‘I guess we’ll find out?’” Tommy repeated, practically indignant as he looked to his big brother, “That’s all you got?”

Joel settled against the bar, keeping a firm stare on Tommy, “What else am I supposed to say?”

Tommy got to his feet, exhausted by bearing the brunt of Joel’s grief. “Just because life stopped for you,” he said, “Doesn’t mean it has to stop for me.”

Much like after losing Sarah, Joel was acting purely on emotion. The world had ripped away everything from him, and here Tommy was, with everything he’d almost had.

“We’ll grab some supplies and be out of your hair in the mornin’,” Joel bit out, turning from his brother and grabbing his jacket. He burst outside into the cold air.

—————————

“I, uh,” Y/n sniffled, trying to collect herself, “I should get back to Ellie.”

“Don’t worry,” Maria said softly, “I’ll take care of her. You take a moment to yourself.”

Y/n practically scoffed at the idea, she hadn’t had a second to herself in three months. But the tension within her was so great, she didn’t have the will to fight Maria on the offer.

“Thank you,” she laid a hand on Maria’s arm, letting the woman help her to her feet.

Y/n stumbled out into the cold, trying to absorb the sound of the children’s playful screams, the crunch of the snow under her boots, the feel of her breath slamming back into her face each time she exhaled…she’d had anxiety attacks before. Taking stock of your surroundings was supposed to help.

Except she was too far gone for coping strategies, she needed alcohol and she needed someone to talk to. Someone who understood.

On their way in, Maria had led them past a bar, and Y/n felt like a bloodhound, tracing her way back through the crowds to find it. The world may have changed, but she knew she’d find exactly who she needed at the counter with a thing of whiskey in his hand…

—————————

Joel stumbled out into the snow, leaning up against a metal lightpost. His breath was catching, his heart pounding out of his chest, the tinnitus flooding his ears once again…

Once upon a time, Tommy’s life had been his. He’d had his daughter, so bright and beautiful. A home that they’d made their own, despite the wounds that had led them there. And Y/n, his Y/n, the missing piece of his and Sarah’s life, a ring nearly on her finger…

And as much as he wanted to blame Cordyceps for losing all of it, he was hardly faultless.

He’d had twenty years of guilt soaked isolation, trying to convince himself that what his grief riddled self had thought was truth. Y/n had to have lied for him to continue on with life, because he couldn’t face the alternate. He couldn’t believe that he had abandoned her for no good reason…

It was a conclusion he’d come to weeks ago, the more time he spent with her reminding her of who she really was.

Across the way, there were families gathered around the Christmas tree. Joel’s eyes mindlessly drifted over them, catching on one woman’s silhouette. Her head of curls, the weightlessness of her voice…in his panicked state, it was Sarah.

He took clunky steps forward, chasing the illusion that his daughter was standing in front of him. He wanted, needed to believe it to be true. There had been some terrible mistake, they’d abandoned her body too soon and by the grace of God, she was-

A small child ran up to the woman, revealing her true face.

Joel stopped, his heartbreak pulling him back to reality. This was how far his mind could take him under the worst circumstances. He was convincing himself that his daughter was still alive and twenty years prior, he’d convinced himself that the love of his life was a liar.

It was grief that stood every chance at breaking him.

—————————

Y/n crossed through the middle of town, spotting the Christmas tree and the surrounding crowd singing and chattering around it. She couldn’t handle the sight, ducking into the bar as quick as she could.

Tommy turned around, glaring at the door, ready to rip into Joel further. “Oh,” he muttered, putting away his anger at the sight of Y/n, “Thought you were Joel.”

“I’m thankful you’re not,” Y/n remarked, walking to the counter and spotting the open whiskey bottle. He was everywhere she looked.

She reached over the counter and grabbed a glass, filling it a little over halfway, “You two not getting along?”

Tommy sighed, rolling his glass in his palm. “Complicated,” he answered, “But I’m preachin’ to the choir, aren’t I?”

Y/n bristled, lifting the glass to her lips and letting the burn of her throat force her into feeling something.

“Maria’s pregnant,” Tommy blurted out.

Y/n’s arm fell to the bar, the glass hitting it hard. To say she was shocked would have been a gross understatement.

Tommy smiled up at her, “That so hard to believe?”

“Well, you gotta cut me a little slack here,” Y/n replied, dazed, “The last time I knew you, there was a new girl every week. I was kinda half-convinced you already had a kid.”

Tommy chuckled, he’d missed her so much. He considered Y/n another loss from Cordyceps, though it chose his brother’s grief as its medium.

“I…” Y/n pulled out the barstool next to him and sat down, her mouth still agape, “How do you feel about it?”

“Good,” he nodded, “I think. Maria’s already been a mom before, but…I really do think I could be a good dad.”

Y/n rested her hand on Tommy’s wrist, drawing his eyes to her. “You’ll make a great dad,” she said, proud and with a smile. It was the first good look at him she’d gotten. Though he sported a few more wrinkles and scars, a mustache now hanging over his upper lip, his eyes still held the same sparkle.

Tommy beamed back at her, laying his hand over hers. The warmth shared between siblings still flowed between them.

“So that’s why…” Y/n glanced at the door, absentmindedly pointing outside.

“Yep,” Tommy turned back to his whiskey.

“Oh,” Y/n murmured, so caught up in the beauty of the news that she hadn’t thought about how Joel might have reacted.

“Can I ask you somethin’?” Tommy asked.

Y/n shook her head with a small smirk, “C’mon, it’s been twenty years but you don’t have to be formal.”

It wasn’t formality, it was handling gasoline near a wildfire.

“How the hell are you two doin’ this?” Tommy asked, setting down his glass to give the topic his full attention.

In her anxious state, Y/n hadn’t stopped to think that Tommy would bring up the very thing she was running from.

“There were…” Y/n cleared her throat, “A lot of threats the first few days. Lots of hate. Mostly from me. But we had to…come to some sort of truce if we were going to get through this.”

“Joel told me you’re with the kid,” Tommy cut in, “She’s not yours?”

Y/n snorted, “No. But she’s…” she paused, unprepared to unpack what Ellie meant to her, “She wasn’t going with Joel unless I came with. So really, she’s to blame for all this.”

Tommy chuckled, taking a quick sip before repeating the same question he’d asked Joel, “You two talked about what happened yet?”

Y/n shrugged, feeling the weight of twenty years in her shoulders, “What’s there to talk about?”

“I think there’s everything to fuckin’ talk about,” Tommy replied.

The seat was suddenly digging into her thighs and there were electric currents in her legs. Y/n slid off the barstool, trying to take slow steps around the bar counter to deescalate her body’s nervous energy.

“How long did it take him to tell you what happened?” Y/n asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

“Ah, the full story?” Tommy said, shaking his head slightly, “All I heard when I got back from patrol was you two had broken up. I finally got it all pieced together after about two years. Gave him hell for it too.”

Y/n’s smile was filled with frustration, she threw back the last of her whiskey.

“I looked for you,” Tommy said, reiterating what he’d said at the gate, “I mean, I combed every fuckin’ inch of that place tryin’ to find you. I wasn’t gonna leave you.”

“I know,” Y/n replied, slipping behind the counter to pour herself another glass, “I figured that out at some point. That you wouldn’t have gone along with that…”

Tommy watched Y/n’s face carefully, a new emotion covering the expanse every few seconds.

“You don’t actually believe what he said, do you?”

Y/n poured a shot of a random liquor, “Why shouldn’t I believe him?”

“C’mon,” Tommy turned to her, “He was out of his mind with grief, we all were. He wasn’t thinkin’ straight.”

“I’m sorry,” Y/n raised a hand to her head, “Are you defending him?”

“Hell no,” Tommy gave a firm shake of his head, “I’m tryin’ to make you understand that he lied. He was lying. He didn’t stop lovin’ you, he-“

“Stop,” Y/n forcefully set the bottle down on the counter, some of it spilling out the top, “Stop. I don’t want to hear it.”

Tommy settled down in his seat, unaware he’d lifted off it while talking.

“You have no idea what I went through after he left,” Y/n struggled, her voice threatening to cease up, “What I had to do…” she sniffled, unable to hide the tears, “And then he came back. He fucking came back, and I haven’t been able to escape him for three months.”

Staying silent and still, Tommy allowed her the space to purge everything out of her system.

“And now we’re here,” Y/n gestured around them, her voice growing watery, “And it’s so fucking beautiful, I could cry. Look at me, I am,” she paused, squirming under the pressure of the sob building within her, “And it’s killing me. It’s killing me. To be here, to see you, to see all that…”

Y/n ran a hand through her hair, leaning against the counter. All that they could have had.

“I can’t,” Y/n held up a shaking hand, “I can’t…be near him right now. Because all I see is her, is us…and it’s fucking breaking me.”

Tommy looked down at his glass, wondering whether or not he was about to push too far. “That doesn’t sound like hate to me.”

Y/n’s bottom lip trembled, she knew exactly what it was. And she’d have rather died than admit it.

“Well, it needs to be,” she whispered.

——————

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[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL

#32: The Safety (1.04)

gif cred: @riickgrimes

It was very clear up to this point in TOWL that Rick hadn't felt alive in years. But in this next scene, we learn that Michonne hadn't truly been feeling safe in years. And why? Because the only time she feels safe is with Rick Grimes. 😭

Danai wrote and delivered a line that moved me, broke me, and healed me all at the same and I have so many thoughts on it because I appreciate it so much 🥲...

So inside the gym, Rick lets Michonne know that the CRM took out the helicopter because they always destroy any evidence that they exist. Then he acknowledges that the whole building is buckling but Michonne is preoccupied with something that’s caught her attention.

When she doesn’t respond to him, Rick says, "Michonne?" and she takes hold of a note left behind by a deceased innovator, Lakshmi Patel. Michonne starts to read it aloud and it explains that this place consisted of like-minded innovators trying to live off the grid and create a new, sustained, and hopeful future.

Patel clearly lost hope in that vision saying that their motto of ‘progress and redemption through innovation’ is now like a sick joke. It’s interesting the letter then says, “I can’t face how much I have failed everyone” because that connects to something Rick feels, especially since when he chose to die he believed he died a failure.

Patel says she can’t continue to watch their mission die and apologizes. Meanwhile, Rick reads a much-needed message on the wall that says “Trust in your ability to adapt and overcome. Your past doesn’t define you.” And he def needs to hear that. 

gif cred: @clonecaptains

Michonne concludes reading the letter as Patel expresses her hope to be remembered as someone who refused to leave the world the same way she found it. And then Michonne gives a sad look at the body beside the letter seeing the somber fate of Patel. 

Michonne knows there are some connections to be drawn between this letter and Rick so she notes how it tends to not work out and fall apart when people try to save the world their own way. And just to make it extra clear she’s talking about Rick she says, “Sound familiar?”

(Side note: I like how she stays having one side of her shirt hanging off her shoulder. There’s something casual and comfortable about it plus it’s sorta like she’s trying to get Rick to realize the shirts already hanging off and he can take the rest off if he gets it together lol) 

Michonne says, “It’s just like this place. They thought they knew it all.” And then because these two can’t resist throwing some jabs in their arguments this ep she adds, “Oh except the killing of innocent people. Except that part.”

Also, I like the framing with a literal barrier between Rick and Michonne that paints the picture of the figurative barriers between them as well. Then Rick sounds the most CRM-ish he’s ever sounded when he responds saying, “The city stands.” Had me like...

And Michonne felt the same because the way she sighs - she’s so over this Commando front Rick is putting on. What happened to 'this isn’t my city'? I miss that energy.

And then Rick says, “And I’ll stop the killing. I’ll find a way.” He's so prepared to just burden himself with this mission. And Michonne challenges that, mentioning just like Patel thought she’d find a way...and we see how that worked out for her. 

Rick says, “You still don’t understand.” And the reason Michonne 'doesn’t understand' this is because it’s not the actual root of why Rick won’t go home. She can’t be fooled. And what Michonne does understand is that what Rick is proposing to do is basically, “Signing up for lifelong duty to the enemy.” But Rick rebuts that, “This is about ending the enemy.”

I love that Michonne is quick to respond saying, “This is not you, Rick.” She keeps trying to emphasize this because she knows him deeply and she knows this is not him being anywhere near his true self.

It's really fascinating to see this scenario play out where Rick has lost himself and is now back with the one person who knows him better than he knows himself, who can continually and accurately remind him that this version of him is not really him.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

But Rick thinks there are some aspects of this version of him that are authentic as he says, “This isn’t me how? That I would give everything - my hand - my life for you. That’s not me?”

gif cred: @riickgrimes

And I do love hearing Rick basically say I would give absolutely everything for you and how that's him to his core. And it is him, but also a healthy Rick would be fighting to be with her too, not just die for her.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

As Rick makes his way over to her side of the barrier he yells, “This is what I need to do to keep you safe!” Safety has understandably been such a huge priority for Rick to provide since the very beginning of TWD. And when he yells this I can hear this fear in his voice that he genuinely doesn’t think there’s another way to keep her safe than the one he’s taking.

I appreciate how passionate Rick feels about keeping her safe but also…the tone of it just needed to come down a few notches because no one should be yelling at Michonne. 👌🏽

Also, this made me think about how in the season 4 finale, Rick tells Daryl “I want to keep him safe. That’s all that matters” regarding protecting Carl after the horrible night with the Claimers. Keeping his family safe is such a driving force of Rick's character and he feels the same intense devotion to protecting Michonne as he yells that he has to stay with the CRM to keep her safe.

Her safety is all that matters to him rn and he’ll do anything to preserve it. But that’s why it’s such a perfect and impactful gut punch for Michonne to then reveal where her true source of safety comes from in this scene.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Despite Rick's more ramped-up energy, Michonne, like she so often had done in the main show, (with that bullet moment from Clear being top of mind) approaches Rick's antsy energy with this arresting calm and beautiful vulnerability as she just melts my heart by softly telling Rick....

“The only time I feel safe is when I’m with you.”

gif cred: @figmentof

Y’all…😭😭😭 Perfection. I love it so much and it’s truly my favorite thing she’s ever told him. 😍

Before I started writing these TOWL posts I knew two lines were basically going to need a whole post dedicated to the line alone and it’s this one here from Michonne and another line from Rick in episode 5 that we’ll talk about later. There’s just so much to unpack with Michonne telling Rick that the only time she feels safe is with him. It makes total sense.

I had made a post right after episode 4 that incorporated TWD gifs of all the moments where it was evident Michonne got her safety from Rick. And I just think it’s the sweetest thing on the planet to know that in this dangerous world, the one thing that most made Michonne feel like it’s gonna be okay is Rick. 🥹 I once saw someone say Michonne makes Rick strong and Rick makes Michonne safe and I love that. Gospel truth. 💯

It’s such a big deal too because Michonne is an incredibly strong, competent, independent woman who many look at and quickly assume she can just fearlessly protect herself. And while she can protect herself, Michonne has always had so many layers to her so she’s also vulnerable and needs to feel safe and reassured from something outside of herself too. And I love that she knows she found that in Rick. 🥹

gif cred: @coolpartytimefan

Then the utter pain comes in when you realize this means for almost eight years Michonne hasn’t truly felt safe. She’s had to gracefully balance the responsibilities, fears, and expectations of motherhood and leadership as well as establish security for others and some semblance of security for herself, all without the personal safe space of her husband to turn to. It breaks me. 😥

And this is another reason I’m glad TOWL gave Rick and Michonne this space to be not just fighters, community leaders, or parents, but a husband and wife trying to find each other and themselves again.

Also, I love that she says 'the only time.' Like genuinely she’s either safe with him or not really feeling safe at all. And I feel like that’s also clear in her TWD scenes post-Rick with all the ways Michonne would cling to Rick's memory through various items. It's like she was trying to garner some sense of comfort again from the only person she ever completely let her guard down and trusted she’ll be safe with.

I remember I received a message a few months ago that touched on if I'd explore when Michonne seemed to realize that she only felt safe with Rick in TWD, how it impacted her actions, and what that evolving journey of safety with him looked like. It took me a minute to get to, but I said I would definitely talk about it, and so I want to break that all down now, right here. ⬇😊

When it comes to Michonne and her safety becoming tied to Rick. I think it happened before she knew it happened. 👌🏽

Now of course in season 3, Rick and Michonne are strangers so it doesn't happen this season. But it does seem like Michonne's inherent safety with Rick started at least budding even this early.

I especially think this because of that beloved scene in Clear where she tells Rick about talking to her dead boyfriend. That’s a very personal and vulnerable thing to share, especially from someone who didn’t even tell Andrea much about herself when traveling with her for months. (Which was a smart move considering the way Andrea stayed gossiping 🙂)

To me, it shows that somehow Michonne felt safe enough with Rick to open up about herself - I think because she recognized that she and him have qualities inside of them that are uniquely similar.

And then at the end of season 3 when Rick comes real close to delivering her to the Governor she still comes back and shows grace, trusting that she could return and be safe with them. But again I don’t think it’s season 3 where her safety is tied to Rick yet.

I think that comes in season 4.

However, not 4A just yet because I think in the first half of season 4 Michonne is absolutely starting to feel more safe and comfortable with Rick but that in itself feels unsafe to her at the time. Which is why she keeps herself at a warm distance from him.

I never lose sight of Michonne’s backstory when thinking about what’s made the character who she is because it’s so important. I know the show sorta put her losing a son and boyfriend in the background but for me it always informs so much about her, in the early seasons especially. And that’s such a traumatizing thing she had to go through and so you just know that it’s probably a lot to now be growing closer and closer to this man and his son at the prison knowing how things turned out for the man and child she lost at that refugee camp.

Michonne clearly really likes Rick and Carl in 4A but letting them in close after knowing profound loss is a bit of a fear for her so instead she’d always find ways to keep Rick at a friendly distance and stay out and about, of course for other motives like tracking down the Governor but also to run from the potential “danger” of being hurt again if she lets Rick become a safe space for her like he’s so naturally becoming. 

...But then the prison falls and so too do some of the walls around Michonne’s heart.

She tries to go back to her isolated ways after the prison but she can’t. She’s found family in those Grimes boys and she knows it and so even if she doesn’t know where those footsteps lead in After she knows she has to follow the call of her heart to be apart of something again.

In a heartbreaking scene in After (4.09), Michonne talks to Mike one more time, vulnerably saying she misses him and even saying she missed him while he was still here. It made me think how Michonne had probably also been keeping her distance from Rick out of a sense of loyalty to Mike. Just like Rick wrestled with feeling like he needed to be solely grieving Lori all the while falling hard for the katana-wielding woman that’s entered his life, I think Michonne also was subconsciously wrestling with feeling this intrinsic connection to Rick so soon after losing her family.

I really feel like Rick and Michonne’s immense sense of loyalty played a part in their slow burn being slow despite catching feelings for each other so quickly. Because while both of their former partners weren’t their person, they still weren’t just going to give up on them or abandon the memory of them, it’s not who Rick and Michonne are - they’re both loyal to the core, even to partners who weren’t loyal to them.

In some ways it seems like Mike might have stopped being able to understand Michonne, figuratively disappearing on her and giving up while she kept fighting, similar to how Lori just couldn’t understand Rick. But then Michonne and Rick met each other and felt exceptionally seen, known, heard, loved, and safe in ways that probably even surprised them towards the beginning of their bond. They finally found someone who could love them as loyally as they love, which is part of why of course their love can never be stopped or denied, not even by each other.

I think about how in season 3 Lori tells Rick he’s not a killer. But the thing is that killer is a part of him. It's not all of him but it is in him as we saw him really confronted with that side of himself at the end of season 4.

What’s beautiful about Rick's relationship with Michonne is she knows he’s a killer, even verbalizing that outright to Merle early in season 3, and she doesn’t have to deny it or change it to love him. Michonne gets that it’s in Rick and respects that as one of the many parts of him she respects and understands, not just from the outside looking in but personally. Basically, Rick and Michonne are each other's match in all the ways.

So in a beautiful act of resilience, Michonne fights the fear of being close to people again when she finds Rick and Carl in that house. And she truly embraces them as hers from here on out.

And I think here in this wonderful 4.09 moment when she finds Rick and Carl in that house is when Michonne more readily embraces that she feels most safe with Rick. 

In Claimed (4.11), I think we start seeing more visibly how Michonne's safety is tied to Rick and how she subconsciously senses it. In that home, both Rick and Michonne express that they need each other and are willing to possibly make a home with the two of them and Carl. An unspoken agreement that they're forever family now.

One of the many interesting things about that scene between Rick and Michonne in Claimed is that Michonne says she’s done taking breaks. But she wasn’t necessarily leaving the prison to take breaks, she was going on runs and hunting down the Governor. However, phrasing it as 'breaks' could imply that part of her constant trips away from the prison was her leaving to run from how close she was becoming to Rick and Carl - to “take a break” from becoming reintegrated into a family after the tragic aftermath of her last family turned her into a lone wolf.

But I love that when she said she’s done taking breaks she meant that and lived up to it. And then in each 4B scene, we see more and more how Michonne starts to draw closer to the Grimes boys and feel safe enough to be herself with Rick.

Rick gets to see Michonne's playful side with Carl, he wants to include her in family hunting excursions, they like talking to each other and smiling over dinner, and they both often check in on each other to make sure they’re taken care of.

By the end of season 4 when Michonne knows she’s okay because Rick's okay, I think she's now cognizant that she feels safe with Rick in a way that’s different than anything & anyone else. And truly how beautiful is it that in a world where safety is a true rarity, Michonne found that so fully in Rick. 🥹

Also, as I've detailed in many a post, this is also the point where I believe she's subconsciously fallen in love with him. 🥰

And where Rick’s previous wife and his former best friend/sheriff's deputy doubted his ability to keep people safe, Michonne trusts Rick wholeheartedly as a good man capable of protecting his family against anything. 

That's one of the great things about rewatching TWD Seasons 1 & 2. Those early seasons make it so clear that Michonne is a love Rick has never experienced before. We don’t just feel like their love is different we get to see it in how much more Michonne loves, respects, understands, believes in, and just all and all likes Rick as opposed to his former wife and best friend.

Last year I wrote a whole reflecting on richonne post about how Michonne and Rick rarely ever split up in TWD and were always paired up for most things. It was proof of their magnetism, trust, fondness for one another, and love.

But I like how now Rick and Michonne never splitting up in TWD is also such a clear sign of the safety they brought each other. And in season 5, that’s especially clear because they really are side by side through so much that season.

I think about when Michonne put her hand on Ricks before they entered Alexandria and how that was her way of offering comfort to him while also being comforted by his presence too. Just like Rick, a large reason she felt safe enough to walk out of that car and approach those ASZ gates after everything they’d been through is because she had Rick by her side.🥲 

The one time they’re not operating side by side with Rick hiding the gun plot from her, they both feel so weighed down by having anything come between them, and they're eager to repair the distance by the end of the season.

Michonne had felt both asleep and restless when they arrived at ASZ and part of it is because her source of safety was sorta losing his mind. When Rick begins his return to sanity - and Michonne really is a core source of sanity for him - we see a sense of safety return to Michonne as well as she declares she’ll always be with him.

I always adored that s5 'I’m still with you moment' and I love it even more now knowing that part of why she so confidently knows she’ll be with him no matter what is because Rick is who she feels safest with. 😭

In 6A all of Richonne's scenes continue to solidify that Michonne feels most safe with Rick. And when Rick goes out into the horde in NWO Michonne full-on panics because he’s doing something unsafe and her own safety just evaporates as she expresses a rare moment of disarray. 

And then in 6B we get to see a more personal and intimate way that Michonne feels safe with Rick. Even just walking around more stripped down in a robe and towel shows he’s made her feel super comfortable.

The heightened safety she feels with Rick is especially evident in their canon era - from the way they decompress on that couch before their first kiss, the way he calmingly reaches for her in the RV and it seems to immediately bring her peace, to just the safety to let herself be adored and loved on so fully by Rick’s good kind heart in all their comfy and sensual moments at home. 🥰

When she confides in Rick and tells him at the end of 7A that she only wants to go forward if it's with him - "you and me" - she means it.

And all through season 7 it’s clear she knows full well that the only time she truly feels safe is with him. It’s why she nearly throws in the towel - or throws in the sword - when she thinks walkers got to Rick in Say Yes and so vulnerably runs into his arms when seeing he is alive.

Michonne knew she couldn’t lose him on that honeymoon run. Not just 'I don't want to lose you,' she knew 'I can't lose you,' - something Rick too would grasp fully once taken from her for years. With soulmates like this, they lose each other, then in many ways they lose themselves.

When Michonne told Rick she couldn't lose him in Say Yes, I knew she felt it was because she loves him deeply but after TOWL it’s clear how she also knew she’d never truly feel safe again if she were to lose him. 😭 They are each other's security in this crazy world.

Then, after getting in that brutal brawl in the s7 finale, Rick makes getting to Michonne a priority and when he finds her against that wall, she just hears his voice and feels his touch and it looks like a sense of safety has been restored to her. And to Rick too.

In season 8, sirens go off in Michonne's head being away from Rick during the war and it’s clear she won’t be able to rest truly until he’s back.

And in that season's msf I’ve always felt it’s so clear that when she tells Judith she’ll bring her daddy back, Michonne is excited for both her baby girl and herself that they’ll have Rick back finally - the man who makes their family feel complete and safe. 👌🏽

After tragically losing Carl (which is forever heartbreaking 💔💔💔), both Michonne and Rick try to be a safe space for each other even despite their own immense individual pain.

And they do find their way back to each other, saying i love you and holding hands off to war because no matter the circumstances if they can hold each other they can feel a sense of safety.

And in s9, before Rick leaves, Richonne really feel so at home and safer than ever with each other. It’s a beautiful time for them and all their nice season 9 scenes show how Michonne is wrapped in the love and safety of her husband. Even literally just waking up with his arm wrapped around her.

When Michonne had some real apprehension regarding if the people could really band together after Negan, she always knew she could voice those concerns with Rick and he’d reassure her so encouragingly. Also for a woman to agree to get pregnant in an apocalypse - that requires feeling a lot of safety and Rick made Michonne feel safe enough to do that. 🥲

But then Rick is taken and it’s devastating. 💔 And with his absence, Michonne’s safety also goes away.

She had to bring the beautiful life they created into the world without him. And you can just imagine there were so many nights alone in bed during her pregnancy when she’d longed for him to be there. And so when she looks at Rick with the CRM in ep 3 and yells you were alive ‘with them’ in this episode, I always sense this added hurt because those CRM people, who don’t even appreciate Rick, got to be around him all the time while she was miles away longing for him to be with her and feeling unsafe without him.

And this profession that she only feels safe with him makes all those moments post-Rick where she’d still find ways to connect with him all the more meaningful because even after he’s gone, she still only feels at least a semblance of safety with him.

Be it through the ring she wears and even fiddles with on her finger when needing to think, a Sherriff action figure, the bullet shell from his gun that she always wears in her hair to keep him close, talking to him in their bedroom, and most notably wrapping herself in his clothes just to try to remember how safe she once felt in his arms.

It moves me so much how she still only felt safe with Rick even after he was taken from her. She tells Judith how she felt so lost after Rick was gone. And because she’s strong she figured out how to keep going of course, but the world became an ultra-dangerous place again so it makes sense why she’d become as cautious as she became. Nothing could make her truly feel safe until she was back with her true love.

And when Michonne is back with Rick in TOWL, you see that sense of safety start to come back. She has no clue where he’s taking her or how they’ll get out of this CRM place but she trusts him. She knows he’ll do anything to keep her safe.

But the surprising aspect is Rick will do anything to keep her safe…including trying to destroy being her safe space so that she’ll be willing to leave him and make it home. 🥀☹️

And that is exactly what we see happen as this heart-gripping gym scene continues. So my extra self has to do a part two to talk about the latter half of this gym scene.

I'll conclude this post by saying, “The only time I feel safe if when I’m with you” is such a deeply beautiful, meaningful, and memorable line. 😭 Black women, both in fiction and in reality, don't always get to express that innate want to feel safe with someone/something outside of ourselves and so seeing Michonne get to say that her safety doesn't just come from her but from her husband was powerful and lovely. 👏🏽

I forever love Danai for knowing Michonne would feel this way in her relationship with Rick and allowing her to voice it so perfectly and authentically here. This episode really was written by someone who knows Rick and Michonne inside and out and I adore the way Richonne is each other's truest safe space. 🥹👌🏽

[toomuchracket]

when i found you, much younger than you are now (flatmate/dad!matty x reader)

ten years of self-titled!! can u believe!! anyway, a little fluffy drabble about the day the album was released, and also about the day it turned ten, as voted for by you guys. enjoy!

2013

when you enter the kitchen, the linoleum floor cold even through your fluffy socks, matty is staring at the fridge. namely, at the thing pinned between two shitty manchester fridge magnets - a futile attempt by you to reduce your shared homesickness when you moved down south.

he's staring at the calendar, which under today's date reads "75 album release day!!!!" in your handwriting, adorned with as many lovehearts and stars and smiley faces as you could fit in the tiny box.

not that either of you were at any risk of forgetting the date, mind, but you thought it would be cute to commemorate it anyway. "you can keep it as a memento in the future," you had said, as you wrestled with the paper and the bumblebee magnet and the laws of physics while putting the calendar up. "when you're living in a malibu beach house in a decade, married to a supermodel, you can look at that calendar and think of the day your first album came out. and maybe also of me, back in london, or manchester, or maybe edinburgh... i don't know where exactly, but most likely on the other side of the world from you and your gorgeous wife. it'll be cute!"

(neither of you thought it was cute whatsoever, though.)

matty turns when he hears your half-shuffling footsteps, face twisting into a sleepy smile that splinters your heart. he opens his arms as you near him, pulling you into a washing powder-scented hug and resting his lips on your hair. "hi, darlin'."

"hi," you murmur into his sweatshirt. "happy album day."

"thanks," you feel matty's cheeks twitch into a smile against your head. "feels quite surreal, honestly. we have an album out. mad."

you caress the space between his shoulder blades. "i can imagine - it's insane for me to even think that my best friend in the world has an album out. m'so proud of you though, babe."

"couldn't have done it without you, sweetheart. oh, that reminds me..."

matty breaks the hug - and, in the process, your heart - to reach for one of the CDs piled haphazardly between the radio and the kettle. he hands you one with an all too familiar cover art, accompanying his "here" with a grin.

"matty, i said i would buy it!" you protest. "i want to be a part of getting you a number one."

"that's cute, babe, but nah," matty folds his arms and smirks. "there wouldn't be an album without you, because there wouldn't be EPs without you and your room at uni. so, the boys and i figured that you were the perfect person to get the first album CD actually made."

your eyes fill with tears at the ridiculously sweet, ridiculously too generous gesture. "wait, really?"

"i mean, it was my idea, of course," matty winks, which earns him a shove on the arm. "but yeah, that's the very first 1975 album disc. open it, darlin', look at the lyric booklet."

sniffling, you do as requested; your sniffles turn to full-blown sobs as you take in the "to our favourite girl. thanks for the love (and the pints) xx" dedication written on the first page, sobs which only increase in volume as you take in the lyrics, handwritten by matty rather than typed.

you gently place the CD and booklet back on the counter, and pull your sweetly-smiling best friend into a teary hug. "thank you, sweetheart. i feel very special."

"you are," matty replies, tenderly stroking the back of your head. "you're the most special, to me."

your heart jolts at that, and you squeeze matty even tighter, pull him even closer to you. but it's not close enough to satisfy you, it never is - nothing short of his skin cells grafting to yours and consuming them would stop your heart and brain and nervous system aching for him.

well, a kiss would probably do it, but that's far less likely to happen.

the painfully tender moment is interrupted by matty's back pocket buzzing, which provides a blissful relief from the thoughts about kissing your best friend that were beginning to awake from their dormancy. alas, the relief is short-lived - matty sighs in your ear, and murmurs "will you get that for me, sweetheart? don't wanna let go of you."

with a hopefully-unnoticeable gulp, you slide your hand down matty's back and into his pocket to pull out his phone. you squint at the caller ID. "s'george."

"should probably speak to him, i s'pose," matty says, planting a final (and devastating) kiss to your head before letting go of you and taking his phone. "are you gonna go and listen to the album while you get ready for the party later?"

you grin sheepishly. "already bought and listened to it on itunes."

"you're incorrigible. but i love you."

"ooh, big word! i love you too," you smile. "and tell george i love him too, and i can't wait to celebrate with you all later."

matty winks. "will do, darlin'."

you wink back and grab your CD, turning on your heel and wandering to your bedroom to begin the arduous process of getting ready for the album release dinner and subsequent party. it goes by quicker than usual, though, soundtracked by the boys, punctuated by congratulatory texts to and from ross and george and a half-hour congratulatory phone call with adam, and powered by the excitement of knowing you can be extra affectionate with matty today and it won't be weird.

it goes by so quickly, in fact, that you're almost completely finished your makeup when matty peers round your slightly-open door. "hey babe, would you mind- oh, wow, you look gorgeous!"

it's almost embarrassing how warm your cheeks get at that simple statement. you swivel to face your flatmate, smiling bashfully. "thanks, sweetheart. i was a bit worried the eye makeup was too much for dinner, but i've committed to it now, i s'pose."

"no, it's perfect," matty says softly, coming into the room and perching on the end of your bed. you're perfect, he wishes he could add - it's cliché, but god, is it true. "i love it."

your cheeks burn, and lift of their own accord. "i'm glad."

matty smiles back just as widely as you. there's a pleasant silence for a moment, reluctantly broken by you before matty forgets his train of thought. "did you want to ask me something, babe?"

"oh, shit, yeah," matty nods. "would you mind - if you have the time, that is - drying my hair for me? can never get it to sit right. but like it's cool if not, i can do it myself, i just like it more when it's you doing it and-"

"matty," you interject, before he talks himself unconscious. "of course i will. just let me do my lipstick first, yeah? then i'm all yours."

all his. christ, what he wouldn't give. "take your time, darlin'. thanks a lot."

"s'no problem," you say, turning back to your dressing table and rifling through a pile of lipsticks. matty smiles as you open a few in turn, furrowing your brow as you wordlessly narrow down your colour options; the smile is wiped clean off his face when you drop your jaw and swipe a dark pink over your lips, forming them into an O as you make sure the lipstick is applied perfectly. fuck. your mouth.

(the lyric from talk! is most definitely about you, but he'll never tell.)

after the most agonising minute of matty's life, you turn around to face him. "ok, i'm finished making myself pretty. your turn, babe."

"you're always pretty," matty says, kissing the top of your head as you stand up to let him sit in the chair; he finger guns towards his reflection as he does. "and so am i."

you roll your eyes. "maybe it's best if the album doesn't go to number one, actually. your head might explode, healy."

"best make sure my hair looks good then, babe."

"when has it not, when i've styled it? it's me you're talking to, not george."

"fair point."

with a wink to him through the mirror, you rake one hand through matty's hair and aim the hairdryer at it with the other. he closes his eyes, sinking back into the plush seat, enjoying the soothing combination of warm air and your gentle touch - your nails lightly scratch his scalp the way you know he loves, and he hums contentedly. fuck the dinner, fuck the party, fuck celebrating the album; matty would be happy just to stay like this forever with you.

you'd be happy with that too, to be honest.

matty slowly opens his eyes as you put down the hairdryer and finish shaping his hair with your hands. you crouch to get the back looking just so, then rest your chin on his shoulder and smile at him through the mirror. "beautiful boy."

tilting his head so it rests on yours, matty beams at you through the mirror. "thanks, sweetheart. we do look quite hot, don't we? we should memorialise it, i think."

"now? we're not even dressed for tonight yet," you say, as matty pulls his phone from his pocket and opens the camera.

"trust me, babe, this is just the first of many pictures i intend to take to document this very important day. and the first of many pictures i intend to take of you, looking all hot and glamorous."

"charmer. alright, take the pic."

"alright, darlin'."

*

2023

when you enter the kitchen, the déja vu of a moment from a decade ago practically smacks you in the face. never mind that it's a different house, with a different kitchen and a different floor (tiled, not lino, but still cold under socked feet).

just as he was exactly ten years ago to the day, albeit with different hair, matty is staring at something pinned between two shitty manchester magnets on the fridge (also different - a smeg you were embarrassingly excited about buying when you and matty moved here). rather than the calendar from before, though, it's the picture the two of you took while you were getting ready to celebrate the album release.

again, matty turns to smile at you as you near him - well, as best he can with a toddler clinging to his leg and a 7 month-old baby in his arms. you can see in his eyes that the déja vu is getting to him as well. that, and the way his smile widens as he says "hi, sweetheart".

"hi. happy ten years of your first album," you grin, moving closer to kiss him quickly. dylan lets go of her dad's leg and raises her arms towards you; when you pick her up and kiss her cheek, she giggles and hides her face in your neck. smiling, you do the same to elena, who beams mostly toothlessly at you in response. "and hello to you too, my babies! were you good for daddy while mummy was at work?"

soft curls tickling your neck tells you that dylan is nodding, an action matty copies enthusiastically. "they were perfect," he says, booping elena on her tiny nose and making her giggle - your favourite sound on the planet. "they take after their mum, of course."

you roll your eyes. "ever the charmer, healy."

"you know it, healy," matty grins, relishing the chance for acknowledgement of your shared last name, the same way he's done at any opportunity since you took it as your own four years ago. "we were just talking about mummy, weren't we, dyl? how in that photo she thought i was going to be married to somebody else by now, but daddy always knew he wouldn't marry anybody but her."

your heart glows with overwhelming love for matty and his words; it quickly begins to burn with embarrassment at your past utter cluelessness, though. "well, i genuinely didn't think you liked me in that way, the way i liked - like - you."

"silly mummy," dylan giggles, playing with the pendant on your necklace that bears her first initial, as well as those of her father and sister.

you tickle her little tummy, and the giggles increase tenfold. "silly mummy indeed!"

your toddler's giggles fade into little hums, and her tiny face turns placidly serious as she looks at the picture of her parents. "but pretty mummy."

"the prettiest," matty agrees, trying his best to extrapolate elena's tiny fist from one of his curls.

"well, maybe in a few hours, once i'm ready for the party," you say, stepping forward to save your husband's hair from his mini-me's grip. it takes you both a minute, considering you're both operating with only one daughter-less limb, but matty's curls escape mostly unscathed from your baby's possessive grasp. elena might be a matty clone, but she really is your daughter, no doubt about it. "which i really should start working on, considering everyone will be here in... three hours. will you all sit with me while i do my makeup?"

"of course we will," matty nods, holding out his free hand for you to take with your own. "lead the way, wifey."

for the second time that day, although you're sure there will be many more instances of it, there's an overwhelming familiarity to the scene in your bedroom. with the exception of dylan sitting on the vanity, copying you and pretending to put her own makeup on with one of your clean blush brushes, and elena doing tummy time on your bed and babbling away happily, the process is much the same as it was exactly a decade ago - enjoyable, quick, interspersed with excitement and texts and calls from your equally-excited friends.

the soundtrack is also different, although it's still matty singing; instead of the songs about, well, drugs and blowjobs that had scored your pampering in the past, he's doing a medley of disney songs, nursery rhymes, and... "babe, is that britney spears?"

mirroring his youngest daughter and lying on his stomach on the bed, matty glances up, eyes gleeful. "yeah! lena loves it. look - oops, i did it again, i played with your heart, got lost in the game, ooh baby baby."

true enough, elena shrieks with laughter and taps her hands against the duvet in accompaniment to her dad's singing. you laugh too, picking dylan up and moving to sit beside the other half of your family. once you're settled, you scoop elena into your arms and sit her against your knees. "you have such good taste, my girl!"

"mmm, so do i," your husband hums, looking at you with barely-concealed attraction in his dark eyes. "you look gorgeous, darling."

over ten years of matty compliments, and they still shoot straight to your knees and turn them wobbly. you lift your burning cheeks in response. "thanks, sweetheart. you're not too bad yourself."

"you think so? because i was going to ask you about fixing my hair again-"

"i honestly don't think it needs it, babe."

"really? well, in that case," matty reaches back to grab his phone from his back pocket, before rolling to a sitting position and tugging dylan into him. "scootch in, then."

dylan watches her dad open the camera app. "photo now?"

"yes, munchkin."

"but my dress!"

"oh, you're your mother's daughter right enough," matty smiles. "we'll take one picture first, dyl, and then you can go and put your dress on in time for your aunties and uncles and cousins arriving, yeah?"

"ok."

"that's the spirit," matty ruffles his toddler's head, before putting his arm around you. "say cheese!"

after his girls oblige, dylan moves round to talk to her baby sister, while matty opens the picture to see how it turned out; you lean in and rest your chin on his shoulder again so that you can look too. "oh, matty, look how cute we all are!"

"definitely fridge-worthy," matty laughs, kissing your temple. he leans back slightly to look at you, bringing a hand up to lightly caress your hair. "i can't believe it's been ten years. for both the album and the two of us. although they always went hand in hand for me, to be honest. constantly thought about you while i wrote it. and i still constantly think about you now."

you press a quick kiss to matty's lips, wiping away your lipstick stain with your thumb - matty tries to kiss it as you do, which earns him a laugh and a "matthew" from you. "i love you, baby."

"i love you too, sweetheart. here's to the next ten years."

[stripedstarsblueflags]

i didn't win the wheel: episode 5

why does this episode make me feel like i'm missing something?

alright, here we go. logan's landed on something here. he's really good at finding something that'll annoy alex, no matter how many times he does it (with the utmost affection from both sides, ofc). but now he's found one particular bit that alex will literally always laugh at. and my favorite part is the williams camera crew genuinely seem to not know. they don't do it in here but as soon as he starts doing the "And The Winner Will Get The Chance" game show host act there's literally scenes where they do like a super-zoom on his face, because he's finally playing to the camera. he's playing by the rules, but he's not doing it for the show– he's doing it because alex will laugh even if he doesn't mean to. which he does, right here. it's like their own little inside joke, something that they can do right in front of the crew and pretend like it's an "everybody" thing when it's not. it's just a them thing. and alex laughs like he can't help it, like it's an instinct he's lived with and won't bother questioning, he's literally leaning his head towards logan as soon as logan starts The Bit and then his far-off expression turns into that helpless try-not-to-laugh smile. and they literally cut him off there. but i wish they hadn't because i love this intro so much– not just because of this new dynamic but because of how they look with each other. alex is fidgety and playful and distractable as always, but it's not because he's bored. he's just genuinely excited to play and can't sit still or make himself focus. and logan isn't teasing him or trying to draw him back to reality or make him participate or force him in anyway; but isn't quite ignoring him either. he's leaning back towards alex, half-turned in like he's trying to play to both the camera and alex even though alex is a million miles away. he's letting alex be in his own hyperactive little world like, "it's okay, i've got the intro, you do your thing" but "wait this is your favorite part" and then he leans back in waayyyy closer and when alex hears the change in his tone of voice he finally looks up and logan calls it "The Williams Racing Wheel" full government name and alex just– yeah every time

okay but can we talk about just how... comfortable they are with each other? it's like the collage episode but also not like that. because yeah they're both super focused on getting the ball in the basket (and then finding the balls when they go all over the deck). and it's a little chaotic so they're not quite as smoothly coordinated (logan has a moment of blatantly considering stealing the ball from alex's hands before he thinks better of it). but they're not just focusing, it's not just logan honed in on getting a task done. they're playing. alex is laughing, making comments, there's a short period where he stops for a bit and then logan steps in listing how many baskets he has and they have these out-of-breath half-exchanges with each other throughout the game... but also logan is SO much more expressive than he usually is. not like last ep when he was in some specific lovestruck mood where his nerves were showing on his face; he's just showing normal expressions for this normal situation. it's not just deadpan dead-eyed focus, he's laughing a little, frowning a little, just generally moving more. he's more in touch with the world around him and the people around him. you'd think this ep and last ep were shot weeks or months apart because it looks so much like alex has been rubbing off on him, even in the way he stands... they're not just silently doing an activity together they're in tune. there's a desire to connect, to stay talking, to narrate the events the other can clearly see for themselves because this is what makes it fun when they're together

nothing much. just alex panicking about the stupid plastic hoop and saying in the most unmanly high-pitched voice ever "put the basket down!!!" even though he's the one closest to the basket, and then he turns and nearly runs straight into logan and logan is just muscle car boyfriend era "i got you babe" with that hand on the side to run forward and shove down the fucking basket while smiling and licking his lips and yeah sure NOTHING MUCH THO

but of course logan can't be too nice about it it's like he's just been reminded that alex exists and now he has to go block his shot from the net and then when he jogs back he's not even looking at alex he's looking down but ends up so close anyway that he's like "i'm just gonna block this one too" (not really) and then they're both laughing. like stupid out of breath going back to the game immediately after but still laughing. and yeah they're not touching because they're focusing on the game but they're not being mindful of each other's space not because they don't notice but because they don't care. it's fun and it's carefree and suddenly they know how to be fun and carefree with each other like it's been their dynamic this whole time i feel like we've skipped years

Alex: [makes a pretty outrageous shot, it goes out of the camera frame]

Logan, o/s: "That's in!"

[the ball goes in]

Alex: "OOHHHH!"

my absolute favorite part of this is alex's disbelief. like, he has this sort of naivety and innocence about him that is impossible to believe, because you can't be that successful as a racing driver and be innocent. but he seems so surprised by so many things. when he laughs at something it's like he's hearing it for the first time. and he has this almost childlike joy and exuberance that he slips into so easily, just give him literally any vaguely competitive task and he's over the moon. and i think it's exaggerated in logan's presence, consciously or unconsciously, because logan's such the opposite of that. but even just having alex nearby is good for logan, it's like carrying a little bit of the sun around in his pocket. and that's just alex without even trying. not like oscar and the shoey in silverstone, sweet and empathetic and Aware of a Bigger Picture. alex just is a comforting person as he is and he brings out this silly side of logan that's such a blessing to see

this is what i mean about missing something. because on the surface, this is a pretty familiar scene– an activity wrap up with one of them (usually alex) not focused at all while the other carries the whole script. but it's different. and none of it's spoken (it usually isn't with these two) so it's gonna take me a bit to break down the body language BUT. logan's mannerisms are so much more like alex's now. he talks with his hands, looks back and forth between alex and the camera and the ipad, he shifts as he stands; all in all he's just way more dynamic. even as he's delivering the dryest part of the video. and alex has got most of his excess energy out through the game but not quite all, making himself stay still is a visible effort. but logan is leaning into him, tilting his body, holding out the ipad at the right angle so alex can see it even when alex isn't looking. and even with the hand gestures it's like he's gently but assuredly bringing alex back to the present, trying to ground him. and alex is huddled up next to logan making himself focus and he's still hyper enough that for awhile the only thing he says is just to confirm what logan's saying. logan's describing the wheel and the prizes and alex is just going "yes. yep. yep." like he's pretending he knows what's going on but really he's just following logan's voice, because logan is keeping them both going through the activity while giving alex a space to be scattered and distracted. it's not "you have to focus on me right now" it's "i'm here when you're ready to focus". and alex is literally leaning closer and closer to him as they talk even when he forgets to look at the ipad because logan is keeping him tethered to the flow of this whole video. even alex just giddily saying "ooh strong spin" and logan responding "big spin :)" and alex just echoing him "big spin :D". it's so mundane and so sweet and so i'm going to let you be excited and i'm going to take care of this and alex is so effortlessly comfortable in his own skin and logan is comfortable taking the guiding role for once and they both settle into these roles so comfortably and seamlessly it's like that's how it's always been. it's like i've missed something!!

so much of what happens between them seems to happen in their own little world. completely in their own world, not like charlos who don't always say it out loud but whose feelings are always plainly decipherable from their facial expressions. if you're not looking you will definitely miss it. because the way they connect doesn't make sense, it's unexpected, and from a logistic point of view it should never work but the connection they have just goes beyond words, beyond verbal communication. they just fit each other and it's accepting and it's welcome and it's going to be torn away and fuck

episode 6

[valkyriexo]

Invasion of Privacy | Ep. 4 - Smarter Baby, Smarter

ᑉ³SYNOPSIS; In the dazzling world of fame, you have it all—a beautiful home, devoted fans, and Chan, the love of your life. But when cryptic messages start arriving, the line between adoration and obsession blurs. With each note, you feel increasingly unsafe. Now, you're on a dangerous journey to uncover the truth before it's too late.

ᑉ³PAIRING; Chan x Idol! reader. Ft. Stray Kids

ᑉ³GENRE; Smau, FF , Angst, Hurt, Comfort, mystery

ᑉ³GENERAL WARNINGS ;Violence, Sasaeng (Stalker). Mentions of a knife, mentions of blood, Home invasion, cursing, Kissing, Pain, death, Implied female reader, Certain episodes may be Suggestive MDNIᑉ³ EPISODE WARNINGS;  Nightmares

EPISODE WORD COUNT; 3K

AUTHOR'S NOTE ; Episode 4! So close.. yet so far...

If you enjoyed this episode, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Whether it's through comments, reblogs, or sending an ask, your feedback means the world to me. Remember, none of this is real. It is a story. It is fiction. You can choose not to read it if it will make you uncomfortable.

Master Post | Teaser | Suspect Cards

The days that followed were filled with a heightened sense of vigilance and an ever-present undercurrent of dread. Chan, determined not to leave you alone, had practically moved in, bringing along a few essentials and making himself a constant presence in your home. His presence was meant to provide you with a sense of comfort and security, but instead, it only served to magnify your growing paranoia.

At night, sleep became a luxury. Your dreams were plagued with nightmares, each one more vivid and terrifying than the last. You found yourself running through dark, endless corridors, the echo of your footsteps growing louder as the pursuer drew nearer. Their heavy breathing seemed to echo through your bones, sending chills down your spine. You could feel their gaze, cold and invasive, piercing through the darkness as they closed in on you. Each corner you turned offered no escape, only deeper shadows and the suffocating sense of impending doom.

Each time you jolted awake, drenched in sweat and heart pounding, you found Chan by your side, his concern overwhelming. "Are you okay?" he'd ask, his voice gentle yet filled with worry.

You'd nod, forcing a smile to reassure him, but the fear never truly left your eyes. "Just a bad dream," you'd reply, your voice trembling slightly. The truth was far more sinister, though. Even in the safety of your home, you could never shake the feeling of being watched. Windows felt like portals for prying eyes, and every creak of the floorboards seemed to announce an intruder's presence.

During the day, Chan's presence was a double-edged sword. While his company was comforting, the gnawing suspicion that had taken root in your mind made it difficult to fully relax around anyone, even him. The stalker's intrusion had cast a shadow over everyone in your life, and you couldn't help but question their intentions.

Despite the situation, the boys did not stop coming around.

Most of them, at least.

There was a noticeable shift in their behavior. Instead of the usual group gatherings where everyone showed up at once, it was now one or two of them at a time making appearances, checking in to ensure you were okay. Their visits were staggered, almost as if they were trying not to overwhelm you, but the absence of the usual selves only heightened your sense of isolation.

Han and Felix were the most frequent visitors, their cheerful demeanor brightening the otherwise gloomy situation. They brought food, shared jokes, and tried to lift your spirits, but even their presence couldn't dispel the unease. The dynamic had changed, and you couldn't help but wonder if they sensed something too.

One afternoon, as you sat in your living room pretending to read a book, your mind kept drifting back to everything that had happened. The pages blurred before your eyes as your thoughts raced, piecing together fragments of memories and moments that seemed to lead nowhere. You tried to focus on the words in front of you, but the letters swam together in an incomprehensible jumble

From the kitchen, you could hear the sound of a knife rhythmically hitting the cutting board. Seungmin was there, slicing up some fruit for a snack. Chan was helping him, occasionally stealing glances at you, his worry evident despite the lighthearted conversation he was trying to maintain with Seungmin.

You forced yourself to turn a page, but the words remained incomprehensible. Your gaze involuntarily shifted to the kitchen.

Seungmin looked so... normal, so innocent as he carefully arranged the fruit on a plate. Yet, the nagging suspicion in your mind refused to be silenced.

Where was he during the investigation?

"Hey, you okay over there?" Chan's voice broke through your thoughts. Startled, you looked up to see Chan leaning against the counter, watching you with a mix of concern and curiosity.

"Yeah, I'm fine," you lied, forcing a smile. "Just trying to distract myself," you said standing up and joining them in the kitchen.

Chan's eyes narrowed slightly, his intuition picking up on the unease you couldn't quite hide. He exchanged a glance with Seungmin, who was now looking at you with a worried expression as well.

"Want some fruit?" Seungmin offered, holding up the plate with a hopeful smile. "Thought it might help you relax."

You shook your head gently, offering a small, apologetic smile. "Thanks, Seungmin, but I'm still full from breakfast. Han and Felix brought over food this morning. I'm not really hungry right now."

Seungmin's face fell slightly, but he quickly masked it with understanding. "No worries. If you change your mind, it's here."

You nodded, appreciating the gesture despite your lack of appetite. The tension in the room was palpable, and you knew you couldn't continue to dance around the issue any longer. Your thoughts were a chaotic whirl, and you needed clarity.

Chan's eyes lingered on you, sensing something wrong. As Seungmin turned to wash his hands at the sink, Chan leaned in closer to you, his voice dropping to a whisper. "Are you sure you're okay?"

You glanced nervously at Seungmin's back before meeting Chan's eyes. "I don't feel safe right now," you murmured urgently, your voice barely above a whisper. "I have a bad feeling... it's him."

Chan furrowed his brow in concern, his eyes searching yours for clarity. "Him? Seungmin?" he questioned, his voice tinged with disbelief and concern. "Why do you think that?"

You swallowed hard, the weight of your suspicions heavy in your chest. "I don't know... it's just a gut feeling," you confessed, the words tumbling out in a rush. "But everything... it all seems to point to him."

Chan's expression darkened, his worry deepening as he glanced over at Seungmin, who was still engrossed in his task at the sink.

"No, it can't be him," Chan replied, his voice tinged with disbelief. "That wouldn't make sense."

But before he could continue, you felt a surge of determination. The weight of your suspicions had become too much to bear, and you couldn't ignore the nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach any longer.

"Seungmin," you called out, your voice louder than you intended, causing him to turn around, his hands still wet from washing.

"Y/n.." Chan said trying to stop you.

Ignoring Chan's attempt to intervene, you locked eyes with Seungmin, the intensity of your gaze cutting through the air.

"Seungmin," you repeated, your voice firm.

Seungmin's expression shifted, a hint of confusion flickering across his features as he took in the gravity of your tone. You took a deep breath, steeling yourself for what was to come. "I need to ask you something," you began.

"Have you been following me? Watching me?"

Seungmin's eyes widened in surprise, his hands instinctively curling into fists at his sides. "What? No, of course not," he protested. "Why would you even think that?"

"Why have you been acting so strange lately?" you replied, your voice firm as you confronted Seungmin. "You have evidence pointing against you… I can't ignore it."

His eyes widened, a flicker of uncertainty crossing his features. "What evidence?" he asked.

"I think you're the one who's been stalking me," you blurted out, the words spilling out in a rush. "Every time something happens, you're somehow involved or conveniently not there."

Chan stepped in, raising his hands in a calming gesture. "Whoa, let's take a step back here," he said, looking between you and Seungmin. "We need to handle this carefully."

Seungmin's face went from shock to hurt. "You think I'm stalking you?" he asked, his voice trembling. "I would never do something like that.... I'm your friend."

You could see the pain in his eyes, but the fear and paranoia that had been building up inside you couldn't be ignored. "Then explain the letters, Seungmin.

Seungmin nodded, his expression serious. "I want to clear this up. I don't know why you think I'm involved, but I'll do whatever it takes to prove that I'm not."

"One thing at a time, Y/N," Chan interjected gently, trying to keep the situation from escalating further.

"When I received that first letter, it was Seungmin who handed it to me," you explained, your voice shaking slightly.

Seungmin took a deep breath, trying to remain calm. "The letter with the gift basket? Minho handed it to me," he began. "He found it outside the front door and thought it might be important, so he gave it to me to give to you. I had no idea what it was at the time."

You frowned, trying to process his explanation. "And what about the second letter? You came over to give your condolences for my friend's passing, and that's when I found it."

Seungmin nodded again. "I came over because I wanted to be there for you. I had no idea there was another letter until you found it. I swear, Y/N, I have nothing to do with this."

Chan looked at you, his expression thoughtful. "It does make sense...."

You felt a flicker of doubt. Could it be that your paranoia had gotten the better of you? "And what about when the letters went missing, and the third one arrived? You weren't around then either."

Seungmin nodded, his expression resolute. "I was doing a photoshoot that day. I have pictures and timestamps to prove it. I can show you the evidence right now if it helps."

Chan looked at you, his eyes steady. "Let's see the photos, Seungmin. If you're telling the truth, this will clear things up."

Seungmin quickly pulled out his phone and scrolled through his gallery, finding the pictures from the photoshoot. He handed the phone to Chan, who examined the images carefully. The timestamps matched the dates and times you had noted.

Chan turned the phone towards you, showing the pictures. "He's telling the truth, Y/N. These photos prove he wasn't here when the letters went missing or when the third one arrived."

You stared at the photos, feeling a mix of relief and confusion. Seungmin's explanation seemed plausible, his earnestness evident in his words and actions. The evidence was clear, but the fear and paranoia still gnawed at you.

Tears welled up in your eyes, and you felt your body begin to tremble. "I'm sorry," you said, your voice thick with emotion. "I just want this to stop." The reality of the situation, coupled with the weight of your suspicions, was overwhelming. "I've been so scared....I don't know who to trust anymore."

Seungmin's eyes met yours, filled with sincerity. "I would never hurt you, Y/N. Please, believe me."

Your vision blurred as tears spilled down your cheeks. You took a deep breath, trying to absorb the reality. "I… I believe you, Seungmin. I'm sorry for doubting you. It's just… this whole situation has made me so paranoid."

Seungmin stepped closer, his expression softening. "I understand... If I were in your shoes, I'd probably feel the same way. We're all just trying to protect you."

At that moment, your phone buzzed on the coffee table. The sudden noise made you jump, your heart racing. Your hands shook as you reached for your phone, your fingers trembling. An unknown number flashed on the screen, and a sense of dread settled in the pit of your stomach.

With trembling fingers, you opened the message. The room seemed to close in around you as you read the words, your breath catching in your throat. The message was brief but chilling, a reminder that the nightmare was far from over.

You gasped, dropping the phone as if it had burned you. Chan and Seungmin were immediately at your side, concern etched on their faces as they reached out to support you. "What is it?" Chan asked urgently, picking up the phone and reading the messages.

Seungmin's eyes narrowed as he read the message. "Well, at least they've gone digital. We're saving trees," he remarked, attempting to inject a note of levity into the tense atmosphere.

Chan shot him a withering look, his expression grave. "Seungmin, not the time," he chided, his carrying urgency as he turned his attention back to you. The room seemed to close in around you, the walls pressing in.

Seungmin's voice carried a tone of frustration as he gestured to his phone. "I just want to point out that my phone is nowhere near me. So logically, it can't be me sending those messages."

Chan nodded in agreement, his brows furrowed in concentration. "He's right. Whoever this is, they're trying to frame him."

You felt a chill run down your spine as you stared at the cryptic message on your phone screen. "So, what do we do now?"

Chan took a deep breath, his expression determined as he reached for the phone. With a steady hand, he composed a message, his fingers flying across the screen.

"I'll handle this," Chan declared, his voice resolute. "We need to find out who's behind these messages."

He pressed send, and you held your breath, the tension in the room palpable as you waited for a response. You watched anxiously as the seconds ticked by, each moment stretching into eternity as you waited for a reply. Finally, the familiar chime of an incoming message broke the silence, and Chan's eyes darted to the screen.

You exchanged a worried glance with Chan. The cryptic message only added to the sense of unease that hung heavy in the air.

"What game?" you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper, but the question lingered unanswered, the sender remaining a mystery.

Seungmin's jaw clenched in frustration, his eyes darting between you and Chan. "We can't just sit around waiting for them to make a move," he asserted. "We need to take action."

Chan nodded, his expression serious. "We need to figure out who this is and why they're targeting you."

Just as he finished speaking, your phone buzzed again. The three of you looked at it in unison, a sense of dread creeping over you.

The same message from the same unknown number appeared on the screen.

Seungmin's frustration deepened. "They’re just trying to rattle us," he said through gritted teeth. "We shouldn't give them the satisfaction."

Chan agreed, but as he started to speak, your phone buzzed again. The same message repeated:

"It's like they’re not going to stop until we do what they want," you said, anxiety making your voice tremble.

Chan placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "Stay calm baby. We need to think this through."

But the phone buzzed yet again. The same message and link. The sender was relentless, bombarding you with the same demand over and over.

"Play the game."

Seungmin shook his head, his frustration giving way to a more resolute expression. "Maybe we should see what’s behind the link. But we have to be careful. It could be a trap."

Chan nodded. "We’ll open it on a separate device, one that’s not connected to any personal information. We need to see what we're dealing with."

You watched as Chan pulled out an old laptop from the closet, one that hadn’t been used in ages. He connected it to a public Wi-Fi network and opened the link, your heart pounding in your chest as the page began to load.

The screen flickered for a moment before revealing a dark, ominous website with a single line of text that read:

"Welcome to the game. Let’s see if you’re clever enough to survive."

You all exchanged weary glances. You had no choice but to see this through. With a nod from Seungmin and a deep breath from you, Chan pressed the "Play" button.

The screen transitioned to a new page, revealing what looked like a puzzle.

"Is this a joke?" Seungmin said, his voice tinged with frustration.

"It doesn't look like it," Chan replied, his eyes narrowing as he studied the screen.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves. "Let's just get through this. We need to see what they're after."

The first puzzle appeared simple, but it required careful thought and teamwork. You, Chan, and Seungmin huddled closer, your minds working in unison to decipher the clues. Each solution unlocked the next puzzle, the difficulty ramping up with each new screen.

Seungmin leaned back, his brow furrowed. "It looks like this is a series of puzzles. Each one is more difficult than the last."

Chan nodded, his fingers hovering over the keyboard. "They’re testing us, pushing us to see how far we can go."

You bit your lip, feeling a mix of fear and determination. "But why? What’s the goal here?"

"I don’t know," Chan said, his voice steady despite the tension. "But were going to have to play the game to find out."

With a shared glance, you all knew there was no turning back. You had to see this through, no matter the risks.

"And play the game we will," you replied.

With that, you all turned your attention back to the laptop.

The sender may have set the rules, but you were determined to control the outcome.

Play the game

Play the game

Play the game

Play the game

Play the game

Play the game

Play the game

Play the game

Play the game

Play the game

ઇଓ EP.5 - Draw me like one of your french girls

ઇଓ Taglist in the comments! If you want to be removed from the taglist send me a dm!

ઇଓ M.LIST | Ko-Fi | Taglist | Thank you for your support ♡ | Consider leaving a comment, reblog or like ♡ | © 2024 Valkyriexo 

[howlsofbloodhounds]

What do you think happened during/after the fight Delta had with his Gaster(in the Final Ep. 1). What are your headcanons for it?

Apologies for the delay in response, I needed to both gain energy/motivation to reply and also to go rewatch Ultra/Vitaltale to refresh my memories.

And also the way the videos were sorted on creator’s YT channel was confusing my brain for some reason, so I just scrolled through their entire channel in order to find every piece on the AUs & put it into separate chronological order in a playlist of my own. Then I tried to rewatch all of it.

Which was hard, because I kept getting distracted and my attention kept drifting away. I will probably try to rewatch again soon, when I am capable of actually retaining the information in my mind accurately.

(Random side note because the thought just occurred to me; I find it very interesting how both Doggo and Papyrus demonstrate bravery when facing up against the unknown threat in Vitaltale Episode 1.4.

Whereas Sans, who will eventually absorb the SOUL of Bravery to become the Delta we know, is all for evacuating. Love how this Sans is not naturally brave in the typical way, even should he eventually come around to gaining the bravery soul in Vitaltale as he did in Ultra.)

Anyway. On to the actual question. My mind is a little wonky today so if I get anything wrong or confused about the question feel free to correct me.

So it’s to my understanding that Echo (Ultratale’s Gaster) calls Sans/Delta to the Ruins for a “chat” after Delta’s fight with Cross. Echo has information for Delta—a way to “fix” their mistakes, but he will not tell Delta unless he fights for it.

Delta calls the information “old,” and says he’s going to beat Echo into the ground anyhow. Gives me the impression that he’s possibly more fixated on his current task—protecting AUs—then trying to go back and fix the past.

Because Ultratale was ultimately rebooted into Vitaltale we obviously don’t know for sure how this battle ends and likely never will, but I personally HC that it has multiple endings.

1. Delta loses, Echo doesn’t give him the information. The two go on their separate ways and live their own lives.

2. Delta wins. Echo attempts to tell the information, but Delta stops him. Says he doesn’t want to know and just wants to move on with life. That it’s what Papyrus, Frisk, and the others would want them to do.

3. Delta wins, Echo tells him the information of how to go back and fix it all. Delta refuses.

4. Delta wins, gets the information, and he accepts. Perhaps this information leads into the formation of a variant AU—a reboot, that creates Vitaltale. Chara doesn’t absorb Frisk’s soul and therefore can’t prevent them from Resetting.

(Side note: perhaps, for a character defining moment, in every ending where Delta refuses to hear or accept this information, Echo always furiously protests against this. Maybe Echo is the voice encouraging Delta to go back, to fix it all and “fight for us,” whereas Beta is the voice encouraging Delta to keep moving forward.

Echo cannot let go of the past because he was shattered and wasn’t ready to leave it, but he is was always aware.

Beta never got to truly live either because they were murdered and kept in a jar, but they were not as aware of the world outside the jar and thus is able to move on easier. Because Beta’s life was over before they truly got to live it, whereas Echo/Gaster’s was cut off at its peak.

Delta is in the middle of this. Experienced with life, but still young. His life is just starting—he’s halfway out of that cage—whereas Beta realizes they are free and is just trying to convince Delta to join them, and Echo..the cage is open, he can step out now.

But he spends his time trying to coax Delta and Beta back inside instead, and to help him bring everyone else back in the cage where it’s safe and familiar.)

Delta, now just Sans and perhaps without any memory of the events of Ultratale, manages to convince Frisk to Reset near the end of a Genocide route and be better. However, the Determined Omega!Chara must still Erase this world—the culmination ending exactly as Ultratale did.

Omega!Chara absorbs Frisk’s Soul, prevents them from Resetting and goes on a Genocide to Erase this world once and for all. Sans attempts to prevent it, even by giving characters such as Doggo hints and tips to help them in combat against the unknown threat.

None of it matters. Sans’ attempts do nothing, it ends in Genocide and Sans absorbs the Bravery soul—going on to protect the rest of the Multiverse.

He always fights Cross, he always fights Echo. He’s always given the choice—go back and try again and again, or accept what happened. Be brave, and move on. Do what Doggo and Papyrus did—brave in the face of impossible odds.

Anyway I guess my little HC is basically that Ultratale and Vitaltale are connected in-universe. Vitaltale is the story of how we got to Ultratale, and Delta must choose between the mortifying ordeal of the unknown and living with his mistakes & losses, or the comfort of a past that’ll end horribly in Ultratale; but at least he never lost anyone yet and no mistakes were ever made.

If he chooses to move on, he goes to the Omega Timeline where he meets Color, Epic, Core Frisk, Killer. Grows closer with Beta, Cross, XChara. Adopts a service/therapy dog he names Zorox (which is someone else’s HC, I don’t know if it’s okay or not with being tagged). Lives life, saving and protecting people.

Sans manages to escape the loop of Undertale only to find himself in another due to the rebooting nature of Ultra and Vitaltale. Only this time he has the ability to choose to escape it, he just has to be brave enough to attempt it—even though it seems impossible.

(Also how, despite the way his experiences could understandably lead him to Nihilism, helplessness and the belief that nothing he ever does or says will ever matter or change anything, he learns to be brave enough to keep trying anyway.)

Anyway. Sorry for the long rant that got horribly off topic at points. I had a lot more ideas about this by the time I was done than when I first read the question. Have Delta & Echo being silly and zesty respectively to make up for it:

[anianurst]

The Sun and The Moon

Summary: Yuji’s return to the jujutsu world prompts you to say some words that you’ve been holding back

A/n: takes place in season one (ep 14), reader has a shy personality and is kinda based on an OC that I have but feel free to change some things to suit your tastes, hints to unrequited feelings on Megumi's part so some angst

Warning(s): mentions of death, unrequited feelings

"You know this could be considered a form of bullying?" Yuji whimpers, and you can't help the smile that forms on your face. Yuji always had a way of trying to be funny, which you appreciated. Nobara rolls her eyes and turns away from the pink-haired boy.

"Shut up and stay that way for a while."

Panda and Toge are quick to reason with the stubborn girl. Walking over to Yuji, you nod in agreement. "Gojo-sensei is the one that made Itadori-kun keep his revival secret. We shouldn't hold it against him," you add, gently taking the picture frame out of Yuji's hands and offering him a small smile. The boy grins back at you as his hands intertwine and comical tears fall from his eyes.

"(l/n)! You're an angel!" A red hue spreads on your cheeks, and you quickly turn away from the boy and return to your spot next to Megumi. Your eyes briefly meet his, and a buzz spreads in your heart. Megumi's always found it easy to read you (and you, him), so he tells the others to let you get some fresh air after discussing their plan for the exchange event. Silently nodding at him, you quickly leave to escape from the other student's question gazes, especially Yuji's.

Jujutsu Tech has always been beautiful. The landscape and quiet air have felt like home ever since your father brought you to the school as a toddler. Looking out at the swaying trees and tall grass, you sigh. You love the quietness and tranquility of the grounds, but at the same time, it fills you with unease.

Life as a sorcerer isn't meant to be calm and still. Kento's always been straightforward, reminding you of the grim reality of your lives. How quickly and abruptly it can. Either your's or your comrade's.

Maybe that's why Yuji's death at the detention center had impacted you more than it should have. Before, it was just you and Megumi, a stable and familiar life you've known ever since Satoru introduced Megumi into your life. It's a life you wouldn't trade anything for, but at the same time, it was always the same thing every day. When Yuji joined, it was like a bright ray from the sun had been cast upon your life. His cheery attitude and kind smiles were rare in the jujutsu world. Even though he knew that his death was inevitable and his future was grim, he still smiled so brightly.

Tears roll down your cheeks, and you curse quietly as you wipe them away. Even after wiping the fallen ones, new ones continue to fall, and you jump when you hear a worried voice call out to you.

"You okay, (l/n)?" Yuji asks, his eyebrows furrowed and a frown on his lips. He quietly moves to sit next to you, and you furiously nod while looking down at the ground. You didn't want Yuji to see you like this, like some crybaby. "Is...is this about me?" he whispers, and in a hope to spare him from guilt, you don't respond. "I wanted to tell you, ya know. More than anyone. I didn't like thinking that I was the reason you were sad."

You laugh shakily and lift your gaze to meet Yuji's. Despite your watery eyes, you smile at him. "When you died, it just reinforced something that I always knew."

"Huh?"

"In this life, as jujutsu sorcerers, good people always die." Yuji frowns even more at your grim words. "But, when I saw your body on the ground at the detention center," a shaky breath escapes your lips as your heart beats widely in your chest, "It was like the sun stopped shining."

Yuji's eyes widened at your words, and his lips parted in confusion. The sun? Him? "When we first met, you smiled so brightly. You were shining like the sun that comes after cloudy mornings." You can feel your cheeks burning and go back to starting at the ground ahead of you. A short silence passes, and a pit forms in your belly. Oh no, maybe you should've just kept your mouth shut. What if Yuji is creeped out? What if he thinks you're a total freak and tells everyone else but the stuff you said? What if he stops being frien-

"If I'm the sun, then you're the moon."

Huh?

"The moon always shines in the dark night and always calms everyone down like you do." Your eyes widen, and this time it's you who looks confused. Yuji chuckles at your face and delicately tucks a strand behind your hair before smiling his oh-so-bright-and-radiant smile. "When night comes, everyone looks up at the pretty moon."

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you giggle and smile at the boy beside you, the one you fell for at first sight. And it looks like that boy may have also fallen for you. Two lovers who always gravitate around one another and share a cosmic connection that transcends all.

Extra:

"Go talk to her," Megumi says, and Yuji raises a brow. 'Megumi's a confusing guy', Yuji thinks.

"But you just said that (l/n) needs some air and I don't wanna bother her." The stoic boy rolls his eyes and lifts Yuji from the floor by his hood. A different kind of frown pulls at his lips.

"Just go talk to her, moron." Yuji raises his hands in surrender and fixes his hood as he exits the room. Megumi excuses himself shortly after and stands in the hall alone.

His heart clunches pitifully as his hands tighten into fists. Why had you fallen for Yuji? Why not him? 'No', he thinks. He already knows the answer, which pains him even more.

If you were like the moon, then Megumi was like the stars, the first to see your beautiful glow and always wishing that you would notice him.

[mukkuruingly]

OK after reading some fan reports, I'm did what I could to compile and summarize them all. So here it is...

THE KAMEN RIDER BLADE 20TH ANNIVERSARY LIVE SHOW (stage play): a summary

Screencaps of my summary in the cut below for Spoilers

- King got released somehow and starts causing havoc as well as stole some cards from BOARD (Tiger included)

- Steals Hajime's Mantis card and unseals him

- Hajime reunites with Tachibana and the narrator reveals that they have gotten along much better within 20 years (Hajime even apologized to Tachibana for the trouble)

- Hajime (in Joker form) and Tachibana fight King and Mantis. Mantis attacks Tachibana but was shielded by Hajime, and ends up getting sealed

- Also we get to hear Mantis talk for the first time and he's like disappointed that Hajime is holding back on being Joker during their newest flight but King just goes" lol anyway (interrupts their fight)"

- Mutsuki as Leangle then comes to help

- Turns out Mutsuki was in Tibet and works under Tachibana as a researcher

- Tachibana mentions his research is going well, then retreats as Mutsuki goes to take care of King

- Mutsuki then has to fight Tiger under King's control

- scene changes to Mantis Undead

- Kenzaki finally appears, immediately recognizes Hajime isn't present thru his Joker senses, and demands Mantis to tell him what happened to his friend

- THEY FIGHT and Kenzaki transforms to Blade

- (OP points out that even as a Joker Undead, Kenzaki still fights with precision as he does back then when he was human)

- Mantis then explains that there's someone else whos the one who unsealed King and is the mastermind of what's happening

- Mantis is defeated and Kenzaki seals him

- scene changes, returns to Mutsuki vs Tiger

- Tiger suddenly stops and reaches out to Mutsuki, trying to resist the brainwashing

- Mutsuki hears Shima's voice and takes Tiger back to him (regaining her sense before willingly being sealed again)

- He then faces King and finally transforms to his own King Form

- (OP notes that everyone was screaming and sobbing when this happened, same with Kenzaki's first appearance in the stage show where it's described that he has a Terrifying and Intimidating presence the moment he walks in from the Audience aisle and to the stage.... omg...)

- ANYWAY MUTSUKI OVERPOWERS KING and manages to retrieve Hajime's card

- Unfortunately Mutsuki can't take his King Form's power for too long and was quickly reverted to base Leangle

- Before King would attack Mutsuki, time immediately freezes

- Kenzaki arrives using the Scarab card!!!! And tells Mutsuki he's doing great so far 🥹🥹🥹🥹

- King moves again, and Kenzaki tells Mutsuki to unseal Hajime

- REUNION HAPPENING

- Hajime thanks Mutsuki (Which OP notes is rare to hear especially hearing him call Mutsuki by his first name instead of his Rider name)

- Mutsuki was told to retreat while Hajime and Kenzaki face King

- Hajime: I will not waste the feelings of my friends!

- YEAH HAJIME CONSIDERS MUTSUKI AND TACHIBANA AS HIS FRIENDS TOO 🥹🥹🥹

- THEY FIGHT KING

- OP: King then starts to sound like a conspiracy theorist (regarding the mastermind of their unsealing) before being defeated and sealed

- Kenzaki wonders what King meant and if it's related to them being Joker again (referencing THE ZI-O EPS)

- Before Kenzaki could leave Hajime, he was ambushed....

- SURPRISE it's *ANOTHER BLADE*

- Kenzaki worriedly thought it was Amane at first but Hajime quickly sensed Another Blade's presence is neither human or Undead

- Another Blade attacks and it was enough to cancel both Kenzaki's and Hajime's transformation reverting them back to their human form

- Another Blade says they will be the new embodiment of chaos and destruction, to which Hajime states he won't let them destroy the world

- Mutsuki and Tachibana finally reappears, and reuniting all 4 riders

- they're all happy to see each other... even Hajime is smiling 🥹

- All 4 transform and face Another Blade together

- BLADE BRAVE plays and the 4 riders reenact the poses in the opening theme yoooo

- there's a bit where Hajime would say the "I'LL BEAT YOU UP" line again from the original show and that got the audience to laugh fhfjdkk (how could you not tho 😂)

- gonna keep the climax brief but yeah it's the Big FIGHT scene

- Tachibana and Mutsuki manage to seal the remaining Undead

- then EVERYONE shifts to their King Form (and Wild Chalice) to stop Another Blade

- There's a lot of cool stage effects going on too

- Kenzaki makes the finishing blow after receiving three other cards from his friends

- I forgot to mention but only Kenzaki and Hajime remember everything that happened in Zi-O before the reset. Tachibana and Mutsuki are absolutely clueless and are lost when Hajime mentioned about it. And it's only now they learned about Another Blade's existence.

- Mutsuki brings up his worries about new enemies beyond what they know but Kenzaki reassures him it'll be alright and that they can handle it together

- Tachibana then tells Kenzaki that he's still finding a way to turn him back into a human which Kenzaki appreciates and thanks him (still showing his respect to him as his senior at work) 🥹🥹🥹

- Hajime then says he'll wait forever among the humans (OP notes his voice is gentler just like in the finale ep) to which Kenzaki replies that someday the battle will end for sure...

- ELEMENTS plays as the 4 raise their fists together just like in the 2nd OP 🥺

- Kenzaki leaves first disappearing behind the smoke

- Tachibana and Mutsuki leaves

- Hajime was the last to leave but also the slowest, as he lowers his head before making his exit from the stage

- While Hajime leaves, Kenzaki's silhouette in the smoke remains and he's facing Hajime's direction before completely disappearing (OP mentions the lighting used for the smoke is colored gold...... LIKE THE COLOR OF THE GINGKO LEAVES AT THE PARK DURING THE BENCH SCENE FHDJNFKLK)

- once everything is dark, two colored silhouettes appeared: red and blue

- the blue one confirms that the Battle Fight will resume as two Undeads are still active

- the red one then says that they'll continue to observe as they hope to restore harmony to the world

- though made vague in the stageshow, OP points out that these two are actually the final bosses from the Blade novel

- THE END

[bandgie]

The Move-In | Ep. 1

MASTERLIST | KINK: THROATFUCKING

🗝 Cheap rent seems great until you're discovering bugs, dirty water, and learning about the strange disappearances that seem to take place at the apartments. Whatever, at least you have the bed to break into it.

5.1k words

warnings! MDNI18+, fem!reader, PIV, no protection, creampie, facefucking/throatfucking, tit play, cum play, cum swapping, 3some, 'daddy' use, slight asphyxiation, reader called bitch a few times, kinda long sowwy

notes! so yayyy this is the first fic of the halloween event! there's gonna be world-building and info dumping in this ep, so it's gonna be a little long. thank you <3

Why the owners decided to paint it pink is a mystery. The color doesn’t match the surroundings in the slightest. Flowers and grass seem to brown and the air has a permanent chill that makes you snuggle into your sweater. But the sky, which you’re so used to seeing bright and blue, is a depressing gray.

As the car pulls into the driveway, you can see the paint chipping. Your nose scrunches as though you’ve smelled something foul. “This house is…old.”

“It’s not a house.” Chan puts the car in park. “They’re apartments. But yeah, the owner said it’s almost 200 years old.”

Changbin squirms in the passenger seat. You can see his eyes darting from the house to the dead plants from the review window. “Fuck. There’s gotta be ghosts in there.”

Despite the goosebumps you get from the thought, you laugh. “Maybe they were keeping the house warm for us.”

Chan snickers at Changbin’s cries. He kills the engine and unlocks the doors while Changbin’s worries die in the wind. You’re still giggling when you get out, hoping the uneasiness will wither away soon. But as you stand before the apartments, small and cold, you feel…powerless.

Almost like something much larger lurks between the floorboards.

You didn’t even hear Chan’s footsteps. The crunch of the dead leaves goes unheard before he finally says, “Creepy as shit, huh?”

He laughs when you jump. The dimples on his cheeks deepen, “Are you really that freaked out?”

Lying isn’t even possible. You can feel your heart thudding in your chest and your cheeks heat up from the burst of adrenaline Chan caused you. “Living in an apartment that looks like it’ll collapse any second on a haunted hill? I think that would scare anyone.”

“You really believe that haunted bullshit?”

“It’s not bullshit.” You narrow your eyes at him. “Those people really did go missing. No bodies, no signs of force, nothing. Just, poof, into thin air. Like they never existed.”

“Yah! Stop it!” Changbin covers his ears. He still hasn’t left the car’s side. “I don’t wanna hear it again!”

You turn and give him an apologetic look, “Sorry.” But Chan is already groaning. “You told him?”

“I didn’t think he’d get that scared.” You put your hands up in defense, but truthfully, you knew. Seeing Changbin’s wide eyes and fearful babbling would make Chan’s reprimands worth it.

“Changbin is scared of everything! He didn’t wanna move here after seeing the pictures. Just the pictures.” Despite his huffing, Chan can’t hide his grin. “You know he’s gonna want to sleep in your bed tonight, right?”

You raise an eyebrow. Living with two men who happen to be your best friends, that’s more than a common occurrence. “Someone sounds jealous.”

Chan pokes his tongue through his cheek, a gesture he does when he’s flustered and excited. He shrugs, “No comment.”

The sound of a running engine makes you two turn. Changbin jumps and hurries to your side, clutching onto your arm as if you have half the muscles he does. You three spot the trucking climbing the driveway within seconds.

“The movers are here.” Chan takes a few steps forward. “Bin, let's help them unload, yeah?”

He groans. Changbin lays his head on your shoulder and looks up at you prettily, batting his eyelashes. “You gonna be okay without me?”

You giggle. “I should be asking you that. Go get to work big boy. I’ll explore the house.”

“The apartment.”

“The apartment.” You repeat, glancing at Chan to roll your eyes. “Same shit. Have fun.”

They say a small ‘you too’ and walk to the now parked truck, backs turned. You spin on your heel, giving a long look to The Pink Palace in front. The house looms over as if daring you to enter alone. The best response you can come up with is to squint, turn your chin up, and think, I’m not scared.

But goosebumps arise when the floorboards creak and the door hinges squeak with laughter. You remind yourself more than once that living here will save your wallet. Looking for a job straight out of college is nearly impossible. You were lucky enough to live with Chan and Changbin, but they were struggling themselves as upcoming music producers.

It seemed like a no-brainer to move out of the city and get someplace cheap. When Chan found the perfect place, you heard alarms go off hearing the low price.

And of course, you had to do some of your own research.

Five men in the span of 50 years were reported missing while living here. Not just runaways or kidnapped, but gone. All their belongings were left, no footsteps or doors were found unlocked, and the owner coincidently decided to close off the top and bottom levels of the apartments.

Exactly where the missing people once lived.

Maybe they were still there. Still here. Their bodies becoming nothing more than skin-on-bones for the mice to feast upon.

Or what if they escaped, but lived in the walls? Old and wrinkled men who could never be a part of civilization again. What if you woke up in the middle of the night and looked through the crack of your closet to see-

Stop. Stopstopstop. You’re freaking yourself out. You can’t even focus on the obnoxiously large rooms and spiraling staircase with your thoughts turning horrid. It’d be better to do something productive while your roommates and the movers unload.

You pull your phone out and open the notes app, quickly creating an empty note and titling it ‘Windows and Doors.’

-

“Okay, so there’s a total of 21 windows in this apartment alone. Isn’t that insane?”

Chan hums, nodding mindlessly while helping Changbin move the fridge inside. Changbin doesn’t even respond. His focus is on making sure his clammy hands don't let the appliance slip.

“I mean they look cool. But damn, someone could be peeking in at any time. We need to buy curtains.”

The veins on your friend’s neck look like they might burst. Chan lets out a drawled moan when the refrigerator gently sets on the floor. He huffs and groans, turning up to the ceiling in an attempt to catch his breath. Changbin doesn’t look any better. He leans on the fridge and pants.

“My arms are dead.”

“Oh shit. Did you guys need help?” It dawns on you that yapping is the last thing they want to hear. The sun is nearly down now and despite the boxers being scattered, at least everything is inside the apartment.

Changbin shakes his head. “No, this is the last of it. We don’t want your pretty hands getting dirty.”

You roll your eyes, a small grin on your lips. “Whatever. I’ll help unpack tomorrow.”

“Sounds good.” Chan dusts his hands on his pants. “But uh, 20 windows?”

“Twenty-one. And 14 doors. There’s a tiny one in the living room, but it doesn’t open. So technically it’s 13.” You recall the crawl space covered by wallpaper. It was barely big enough for you to fit in, but it piqued your interest anyway. “It needs a key.”

Chan nods, but the distant look in his eyes tells you he isn’t listening. Instead, he looks around aimlessly. “I could have sworn I put my water bottle somewhere.”

“Ah,” Changbin snaps his fingers. “I put it in the cupboards. Hang on.” He walks to the center of the kitchen, pulling the cabinets and frames open until he finds what he needs. But when his head cocks to the side and his lips purse, you think it’s something else.

“Yah, didn’t you say you needed a key or something?” 

He tosses a long, black object in the air for you to catch, which you surprisingly do. Changbin keeps rummages for the water bottle as you inspect the key.

It’s heavier than you expected, pure metal you think. The handle, though, is what catches your attention most. A black button acts as the bow, four dots in the shape of a diamond.

“Thanks, man.” Chan’s voice brings you to attention. He nods to you, “Is that the key you were talking about?”

You watch as he downs the drink. Chan’s throat bobs with each gulp, sweat dripping down his neck that disappears under the black material of his shirt. He hands the bottle to Changbin who does the same thing, the only difference being that droplets miss his mouth and a pink tongue swipes the water from his wet lips.

When was the last time you three boned?

“Y-yeah. I think so, I mean. Only one way to find out.”

The men follow you to the living room, lunging over boxers and planning how to set up the room while you ignore the painting of the sad boy and his fallen ice cream above the fireplace. The artwork doesn’t sit right with you.

When you bend down to get leveled with the blocked door, Changbin whistles. “Nice ass.”

Your face heats up and Chan laughs at your playful scowl. Changbin’s lips are turned upside down and as endearing as he looks, you’re the one to sour his mood.

“When I open this door, I hope the monster on the other side eats you first.”

Now it’s your turn to laugh when his gleeful expression turns worried. His anxious rambling only increases when you shove the key through the wallpaper. You turn it until you hear a certain click. Prying it open is easy enough, but you’re disappointed to see brownish-red filling your vision.

“Bricks? That’s it?”

Changbin visibly sighs in relief. He looks at Chan who seems somewhat disappointed. Still, it’s nothing compared to you who was exploring the house for what seemed like hours.

“They probably boarded it up once they sectioned off the house. It must have led to the lower level.” Chan reasons. “It’s better this way. There might be mice down there or something.”

Changbin swears. “Now you guys are fucking with me on purpose. How do you want me to sleep in a place that’s haunted and has mice?”

You fully expect Chan to laugh or shrug him off, but he groans with annoyance. “Shit. I totally forgot about the bed frames. We’re gonna have to sleep on mattresses before we can set them up.”

His irritation rolls off in waves. You can only imagine how he feels, taking the responsibility to find a place to live, and when he does, all his roommates do is complain. Then, driving to the outskirts of a dull town and unloading for hours only to sleep on the floor.

You stand, looping your arm around his waist and Changbin’s. “It’s okay! We can have a sleepover tonight. Let’s stress about it in the morning.”

Chan gives you an appreciative smile, wrapping his arm around your torso just like Changbin is doing now. They always feel like they complete you. Their warmth, their hands, their tender gaze - it’s all a part of you now.

You pull from their grip when their hands start roaming and run down the hall for the stairs. You take your shirt off in haste to leave it on the bottom step. “Race ‘ya to the room!”

-

Maybe it would have been better if you knew what room you were going to, but the one furthest down the hall called to you. You could hear the boys ruffling downstairs, thuds and bumps told you they were not far behind.

And when you found the room, a built-in closet on the left and a window seat in the center, you mentally called dibs. A bare mattress was in the middle and you unclasped the last article of clothing to toss it on the floor.

There was barely enough time to lay on the bed when they burst through the door. Changbin came into view first, his pupils blown and lips wet like he was drooling the entire time he ran.

“Ha! I won!”

“He cheated!” Chan points an accusatory finger at his rival. “He pushed me into the wall!”

Their banter should make you laugh, but you’re distracted to see them completely naked. They must have copied you and thrown their clothes around the house during the chase. Changbin’s pecs are full and flushed, his tummy soft and expanding with each heavy inhale and playful shout. Chan’s ears are tinted with pink to match his broad chest. Deep lines etch into his stomach with every laugh and exhale.

But their cocks, one thicker and the other longer, both dribble at the tip.

Just the sight of them makes your cunt clench. You unashamedly widen your legs and use a thumb to slide against your folds. “Well…I didn’t say anything about not cheating.” The men stop their bickering when they catch you. All attention zooms in on how your digit flicks your clit, dipping lower to gather the leaks of arousal to smear across.

“So I guess we have a winner.”

Changbin nearly trips over his own feet getting to you. The eagerness in his eyes and the swelling of his cock, they’re all proof that it has been a long time since you three played.

Rather than diving into your pussy like he normally would, Changbin nearly touches his nose with yours. His eyes bat innocently, gleam hopefully, and his tongue swipes over his bottom lip. Ah. You know what he’s asking for.

“You can be rough, baby. I won’t break.”

The real wonder is what he’ll be rough with. Changbin is all too excited when climbs onto the mattress and beckons Chan over. You feel sturdy fingers dig into your side, and although you have no idea what Changbin wants to play with, Chan seems to know.

He holds you while Changbin rests his back against the wall, his toes wiggling with anticipation. You can already see his cock leaking and pooling pre-cum on his pubes. Salvia gathers in your mouth and you swallow thickly.

You hope it’s what you’re thinking.

Chan doesn’t have to move you too much to get your mouth hovering over Changbin’s cock. You’re already aching to feel it in your throat that he doesn’t have to push you down. The only thing he has to do is bunch your hair into his fist to make sure no strands get in your way. 

A pretty vein runs along the side of Changbin’s cock that you follow with your tongue. You follow it to his tip, gently wrapping around it with your soft lips and hollowing your cheeks to suck. You can taste the sweat from earlier in the day when you swirl your tongue. His natural musk makes your mouth salivate more as if you aren’t already slobbering.

You’re used to him giving you time to adjust. The thickness always makes the sides of your mouth stretch. Though it feels almost uncomfortable, you can’t help but like the drool that leaks from your mouth every time you widen your jaw.

Another inch makes its way past your lips before Chan’s hand in your hair tightens and shoves you down.

Changbin’s tip presses against your throat, the salty taste much more prominent. His hair touches your nose and before you even think about how it tickles, Chan pulls you up just before it slips out to bring you back down again.

“Ohhh. Like that! Just like that. Binnie likes it.” He sounds adorable. Like you aren’t getting your throat fucked with someone else controlling the pace.

Chan doesn’t ease up at all. Maybe it’s Changbin’s moans and babbling praises that egg him on, but the pressure on your scalp turns into pleasure. The yanks and tugs go straight to your core. Chan must be able to see how your cunt starts to drool, but he doesn’t say a peep.

You have to lay your tongue flat on your bottom teeth so they don't accidentally graze Changbin. You’re trying your best to keep your jaw loose while managing to suck, but the need for air burns your chest.

“Harder. Suck me harder, baby.”

But you can’t. You’re trying to ignore the way your head fuzzies from lack of oxygen and darkness surrounds your sight, but you can only manage for so long. Your nails dig into Changbin’s thighs painfully instead.

He nods quickly. “Up.”

Chan pulls you from his cock fully. A string of saliva keeps you connected, but your coughs and gasps break it easily. Tears blur your vision and a few slip out, but Changbin is already wiping them.

“Too much?” Chan sounds cold. “We just started.”

“I just,” you blink rapidly. “I just need a second.”

But Changbin doesn’t nod understandingly. He doesn’t even give you a sympathetic pout like he always does. He looks to Chan who gently guides you back down, using his free hand to arch your back and raise your hips in the air.

You’ve taken enough breaths. Changbin slips his thumb between your mouth and pulls your jaw open. You obey immediately, sucking on his digit so Chan can get on his knees and find his place behind you.

“You won’t break.” His fingers lead you to his cock again and Chan makes sure to keep a good grip on your hair. “Binnie will be careful, hm? Just open your mouth for me.”

How can you not when the sight of Changbin’s twitching cock is right in front of you? How could you possibly attempt to be quiet when Chan teases his cock between your folds. The head slides from your hole to your clit. The shape of his tip makes you twitch every time it rubs over your nerves. 

“God, you’re so wet.” Chan’s eyes lock on your cunt and the pucker of your ass. “Nasty bitch, huh? Getting all wet from choking on dick.”

And you’re about to gush again when Changbin slides his cock between your lips. Now it’s him who keeps your hair from your face while Chan bobs your head. With how quickly he makes you swallow Changbin, he doesn’t need to rock his hips for friction. Your ass bounces back every time your head comes up only to slide back down.

Changbin whines. He can’t help but buck his hips until you gag. “S-see? You can do it. Making Binnie feel so good.”

You remember to suck this time. Chan slows your head so he can line up his cock, grabbing the shaft and pushing through.

He’s usually good at multitasking, but slipping into your walls for the first time in a while has him stopping your head altogether. Chan moans, pulling out slightly before going in a few more inches. The stretch makes your eyes unfocus and your tongue goes slack from the pressure.

“Fuuuck.” His groans send shivers down your skin and Changbin’s thighs. “I missed this pussy.”

They move harmoniously opposite. One goes in while the other goes out, forcing you to be full in either hole. Rocking forward makes you gag on Changbin’s cock while rocking back makes you clench around Chan’s. You think they might start fighting over who you should squeeze more and how you should bounce between the two, but they quickly find a resolution. 

“Ah! Fuck her harder, Channie! I’mma cum if she keeps sucking me like this.”

He replies with a grunt. Chan’s fingers leave your bruised ass to rest on either side of Changbin’s legs. He leans over you, forcing your ass even higher with his tip pressing into your cervix.

You squeal with a mouth full of cock.

“Yes! Perfect! Fuck her, fuck her, fuck her…”

“If I fuck her any harder, I’ll cum.” But Chan pounds his hips roughly anyway. Now there truly is no escape from them. Your nose is digging into Changbin’s tummy and Chan is mounting you like an animal.

It feels like they’ll never let you leave.

Had Changbin’s cock been longer, you would be needing air every few seconds. You’re more than thankful for his short cock now so that the only thing you worry about is how much drool you feel leaking off your chin and how sore the corners of your lips will be after.

Still, being stretched is a small price to pay to be filled.

The sounds of sex echo in the empty room. Your pussy gushes every time Chan thrusts and your gargle each time Changbin manages to lift your head.

Not that he can anymore. He’s perfectly content with your convulsing throat and harsh sucks. His thick fingers keep your hair pulled back so he can see how pretty your tears look. But when you look up at him with your waterline red and wet, his eyes roll back.

“Oh my god. Keep looking at me. Fuck yes! ‘m so sorry baby. You look so pretty crying and Channie’s fucking you so good and-” His eyes cross. His cock pulses once, twice in your mouth before it spurts.

It’s like your entire body glitches. There’s no escaping how his cum shoots down your throat and you wetly cough. Your hands squeeze his thighs in silent pleas, but Changbin’s eyes are closed and his head throws back. His hips slightly thrust to ride out his high.

Chan is the one who gives you freedom. He quickly straightens himself and yanks you by the hair upwards. It's not strings of spit that keep you bound to Changbin like before, but cum. Even with your sobs and moans, the threads refuse to break. The ones that surprisingly do slap onto your breasts messily.

On your knees with Chan, you lean your head back on his shoulder. He still has a fistful of your hair, but he uses the grip on your waist to keep fucking into you.

“So pretty,” he mumbles. You laugh weakly because you know he must be lying. Your lips are fat and bruised, soaked in white arousal with tears streaming down your face. Yet, Chan leans to plant a kiss anyway.

It’s just as nasty as you’d expect. It’s teeth. It’s tongue. It’s spit. You have no choice but to share Changbin’s cum when he shoves his tongue down your throat. The kiss makes you lose your breath, but it doesn’t feel suffocating. Chan trails his hand from your hip to your clit and you whimper in his mouth.

“Aww,” Changbin pouts somewhere in the distance. “Binnie wants some too.”

You reach around Chan to grab onto his ass. The softness and firmness makes it the perfect leverage for you to hold onto while he drives in.

Changbin crawls on his knees. The mattress dips and though you can’t see, you assume he’s waiting for Chan to pass your lips to him. But you’re proven wrong when you feel a mouth latch onto your nipple. The heat of his tongue makes your clit jolt in Chan’s fingers, and Chan doesn’t stop you from looking down at your chest.

His curls are out of control. Changbin’s hair shines in the moonlight beautifully. His head dips lower so he can swipe his dripping cum into his mouth, moving it to your peaked breasts so he can play with it there. 

With your most sensitive parts being touched, it’s hard not to feel warmth pooling in your belly. Your chest burns with pleasure. The scratchy moans and mewls that leave your lips tell the men that you’re close.

“Oh, fuck yeah. Keep squeezing my dick like that.” Chan leans back just enough to thrust deeper. Your breasts jiggle in Changbin’s mouth, but he manages to keep his pretty lips wrapped around your nipple. “I’ll cum in your pussy, just how you want it.”

You know he won’t last much longer, but neither will you. Chan has been fucking you earnestly for what feels like forever. You imagine his cum would keep you full for days with how long he’s been holding out.

Changbin’s teeth tug on your bud harshly. The dull pain sparks into pleasure and you whine. “Ngh! I want it, I want it. Fuck. Don’t stop. Daddy, please don’t stop.”

You feel Changbin giggling with your nipple in his mouth, but you can hardly pay a mind to it. Chan’s chest vibrating with a snarl brings your orgasm much closer. It almost hurts with how his thighs smack your ass, but he rubs your clit just right until you’re seeing stars. 

And when he cums with you, your stomach feels on fire. Chan’s cock throbs as your walls milk him. The mixture of arousals makes your cunt flood before dripping out and down his length. 

Though your legs are tired, you don’t want to move from his warmth just yet. The fluttering of your cunt should tell Chan that, but he pulls out anyway to pass you to the impatient man in front.

Changbin is like a pillow when you grasp onto him. He’s warm and sticky on your skin. You try to nuzzle into his chest but Changbin seems to have other plans. He lays you on your back and props your knees up so they can watch Chan’s cum ooze with your thighs apart.

The release drips out seconds later. The pearly white compliments your skin almost elegantly and you watch how they gape as though you’re the finest painting in the world.

“Got all that cum in you just like you wanted.” “Fuck yeah you did.” “What do you say, baby?” “What do you saaayy?”

You gleam with bashfulness. Even with your puffy clit and gaping pussy on display, your friends manage to make you burn with embarrassment.

“Thank you, daddy.” You don’t have to specify which one. They are more than happy to share the role, one being stricter while the other is only somewhat gentler and then switching. It seems they especially like this encounter, noting the dimples on Chan’s cheeks and Changbin’s cooing.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah? Bin made a mess on your tits.” Chan stands to go searching for a rag, but Changbin nuzzles between your thighs. You lay your legs on his broad shoulders.

“With a shirt?” Changbin looks at you with wide eyes. “Wouldn’t you want my mouth instead?”

You would. You would do anything for his kisses, but your cunt is so sore and sensitive that you’re not sure if you would be able to feel it. “It hurts, Binnie.”

“I can kiss it better.” But Chan is already pulling him by the ear. Changbin howls in mock pain and flops against your hip instead.

“Yah! That wasn’t very nice, Daddy!” 

Chan shakes his head, but you two can see him blush. “We have a lot to unpack tomorrow. We should get some rest so we can wake up bright and early. Come on.” He tosses a random shirt to Changbin who catches it with grumbles. He gently places the cloth between your legs and wipes, trying his best to ignore how your hips buck and throat whines from sensitivity.

It’s not the best clean-up, but it’s good enough. Chan and Changbin squeeze you between them and yawn. You blink at Changbin who’s already grinning looking at you as though he’s the happiest boy alive.

“You guys think we scared the ghost with all that noise?”

Chan barks with laughter, his chest bumping your back. Changbin loses his smile and gets up to wiggle between you and Chan. “Move! I’m sleeping in the middle!”

You let him push you out of the way so he can snuggle in the center. Chan groans but wraps his arms around Changbin anyway, looking at you with annoyance and fondness.

“I hope the ghosts come after you tonight.”

-

It feels like a hangover when you wake up. Your eyes take forever to adjust in the dark room, the only light being the moon. 

Chan and Changbin are still holding each other, chest to back with their arms reaching towards you like you were the tiniest spoon. They look so endearing like this, eyes shut with snores you’re sure are the reason you woke up in the first place. You gently brush their curls from their face, faintly smiling when your head pounds again.

Water. You need water. 

The three of you are usually good with replenishing each other after an intense scene, but everyone was beyond tired from the move. So it’s you who has to stand, put on a shirt you hope isn’t the stained one, and wobble to the kitchen for a glass.

You try not to think about how scary the empty house is. How the stairs creak underneath with each step or how your own shadow frightens you. But the worst are the chills crawling up your spine. That sense that no matter how fast you walk or how concealed you are in the dark…

Something’s there. 

Quietly, you flick on the kitchen lights. You have to rummage through the moving boxes and newspaper-wrapped dishes to find a cup. 

Get water. Run upstairs. Go to sleep. You think that repeating those three steps will help lessen the fear in your bones, but a squeak from behind makes you yelp anyway.

So you were being watched.

By mice.

Fuck.

It scurries away before you have a chance to get anything more than a glimpse. All you have to follow is a white tail slithering its way to the living room. If you can find where it lives, you and the guys will have a solid chance at exterminating them right from the source.

But when it heads for the little door you opened hours ago, you curse out loud.

“Shit!”

It's your fault. You let your foolish curiosity get the better of you and now all the little tricks you played on Changbin are biting you in the ass. You feel angry and hopeless when the mouse slips through the little crevice and disappears.

The only thing you can do is prepare yourself. You kneel on the hard floor and reach a hand through the crack.

But when you open it up, it’s not mice you’re greeted with. A gust of wind dances on your face, causing your hair to flow back. The air makes you blink furiously and recoil, but you can make out the purple and blue tunnel that lengthens the more you open the door. 

To say you’re shocked would be an understatement. The bricks that once blocked the pathway have transformed into a hypnotizing passage that you can’t help but be in awe of from the sight alone.

Logically, you should be horrified. It doesn’t make sense for any of this to happen. This has to be a dream from how numb your body has gone. Your tongue feels too big for your mouth and your legs feel as though they’re jelly. Even then, you have the stupid courage to make them crawl forward.

Something tells you that you won’t be waking up anytime soon.

[3dd13smustache]

I THINK I HAVE AN IDEA WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN IN EP 6 SO HEAR ME OUT!!!!

Okay so in the recent interview Ryan said that Eddie idolized the relationship with Shannon despite their relationship NOT being perfect and not being right for each other.

I feel it’s because Eddie whole life was him growing up too soon to become the man of the family, and every man should have a perfect life consisting of a wife and a child. And I THINK Eddie got too obsessed with that idea and FORCED himself to live in that fantasy. This is why he pretended everything was fine with him and Shannon cause he got too into his head with the little perfect WORLD he created bc that’s what he thought he was supposed to do, since he’s a man. And that’s why his relationship with Ana and Marisol failed because he forced himself to be with them to recreate the relationship he had with Shannon (despite not being in love with them and not being 100% into it) and that’s why his relationship kept failing, because if he was trying to recreate them obviously it was doomed from the start since his relationship with Shannon also FAILED, but his brain never grasped it because Shannon died and they never got a divorce. So he was still living in that fantasy.

So I THINK what’s going to happen in ep 6, is Eddie finally accepting that his and Shannon relationship was doomed from the start and forced because he was never in love with her. He was only IN love with the IDEA of her and a perfect family, but that’s not who he is, (that’s not what he wants.) he’s finally grieving (healing) and potentially discovering WHY he was so obsessed with that idea and why it affected him so much to the point he traumatized his own child with his failed relationships (that he probably knew deep down they were going to fail, but instead of stopping it he still let them) and tbh the only explanation I have that makes so much more sense is him being QUEER (gay)!!!!!!!!!!!

Because what else could it be? I think Ryan even said that Eddie is lying to himself and not being honest with himself. HECK, he even said in that interview that “he wasn’t who he said he was” like ???????? Hello??? GAY EDDIE HELLO??????!!!!!??!?!!!

Also I forgot to add this but it can also be about Eddie finally getting peace and CLOSURE and letting go of Shannon, since that’s what keeps haunting him. He feels guilty for never being in love with Shannon and never being the perfect husband she needed. And that’s why it affected him so much and traumatized him, cause Shannon could’ve had a more different life and outcome if Eddie never gotten her pregnant and never married each other. Maybe Shannon could’ve been happy and ALIVE right now, but his own selfish fantasies and perfect world and the obsession of having this perfect family and life prevented that and MAYBE he blames himself. So maybe this ep is about him finally letting go and moving on, and also about him finally stop blaming himself for what happened. And all of this could potentially lead to him discovering he’s gay/queer when he realizes why he was so obsessed with all of that ideas and fantasies. And maybe finally accepting himself for who he is, and that’s how he can finally be a better parent for Chris.

[wastingoxygensince1983]

Some thoughts about The Loyal Pin Ep. 09.

First of all I want to apologize for making long posts. I don't have anything more to give to the fandom than my words.

I am never gonna stop praising the quality of the production of this show. Everything and everyone looks so pretty.

There's another long post about this that I probably gonna make later; but I really wish to not be as naive as I am to enjoy this show without having to share it with people that are complaining about the CPR scene, not because this could bring problems with Aon but for what some comments said "I can't believe Becky kissed another woman in front of Freen". I was really hoping we moved out of that.

I feel bad for this but I am really liking the fact that we are seeing how hopeless are Anin and Pin around the Kuea situation. Is a sad true a lot of people have to learn. Pin has some status and Anin is literately a princess and they don't have a say about it. He wants Pin and sadly he is gonna get what he wants. Is the kind of world women used to live(some of them still do) and I think a lot of people that have more rights to have a choice had forgotten what we came from. I mean, see how beautiful the scene with the ring was but this is gonna be the start of the hell is gonna come from them.

I really, REALLY love how we get both the erotic scenes of last episodes but still have moments to show how lovely they are as a couple now. Is not just the moments of sex but is just a build up relationship.

In that tone, seeing both grow up and speak was great. Yes Pin was jealous about the CPR but what was great about this was the conversation that came out of it. In the kinda toxic possessive parts of them there was a great healthy conversation.

I was really hoping that the brothers weren't gonna became a nuance over this. It seems that the older brother is just shook and thinking what to do. I am having false hopes that he at the end helps when everything goes to hell.

It was so funny to me to see but Ueng is kinda the less problematic in this mess and she is literally in love with her cousin. Until the scene with the food she was just having a great time and enjoying herself. I am kinda hoping she an Aon get together in that way Aon stops being a problem for us.

The parallels between the obsession Aon and Kuea had for Anin and Pin and the love that both Pin and Anin have for each other hasn't been ignore by me. I love how we are having these type of things and we can compare those.

We are really reaching Episode 10 of a 16 episode show with zero major drama. I feel like I am spoiled. Even if the elements of what is gonna be a hell of drama are right THERE I have the opportunity to enjoy these 9.

In another note, for the last episode; I was wishing to be the fly that was in the office where the minister of commerce and the team of the Loyal Pin had a meeting for deciding to funding the show.

I can't imagine how that conversation went.

Government dude: "wait, the princess is gonna be tied up? is she ok? are you gonna included a scene where she gets kidnapped?"

IDOL FACTORY TEAM:"ehh...actually...LOOK! we include the scene in how we traditionally washed our clothes".

Anyway. Another banger of an episode. Looking forward for next sunday.

[eddiestattoos]

Help I can not stop thinking about Bobby and Eddie. Eddie's still very new to the 118 when he brings Chris to work with him, Bobby readily agrees, even hangs back with Chris at a call explaining his dads heroics. They all pitch in and welcome Chris with open arms and we see that first hug. Eddie's way of thanking him for everything he did for his kid, something that's desperately needed in a world where Eddie is still trying to find help for him and Chris. (Which Buck beautifully takes care of but we can talk about that another day)

Then Eddie loses Shannon and Bobby is the first person he goes to in the hallway. Bobby's been there. He knows. In a way none of the rest of them can. And he's got Eddie's back every step of the grieving process, right up to giving him the advice and encouragement to help him move on and date again. He loves his family, but that doesn't mean he can't miss the one he had. When Eddie goes off the rails there's no punishment, but an understanding caring conversation

Then Eddie's going through it again in season 5 and it's only Bobby that prevents him from coming back to the 118. And as much as Eddie wasn't willing to admit it at the time it's what he needed, he wasn't ready to return, not by a long shot. And even after Eddie tells him off Bobby's right there in his living room the very next ep when he wakes up from yet another nightmare. The fire at the dispatch centre when they pull Bobby out Eddie's right at his side and Bobby recognizes the team, the 118, the family as whole again. But he's still reeling himself. And its Eddie that pulls him back, telling Bobby he saved not only his life but Christopher's as well. And little did Eddie know it but in that one moment he saved Bobby's. They've saved each other in more ways than one and you can not take that away from me (or them)

[candysweetposts]

MCL NG ep 6 (pt3)

I was exhausted these days and that why this came out a bit late. Also, I'll make it shorter.

HC time:

Chloé didn't really experience the carnival and was very curious about how it was. She only went once as a child on a class excursion. They did eat some sweets and tried some very tamed rides. Since then, she hasn't had a chance to go again for a variety of reasons, such as studying, taking care of her brothers, and working.

About Danica: Chloé loves pets as well and had a dog and a couple of cats over the years and understands that maintaining a happy healthy pet takes a lot of effort and money. Despite that, leaving Devenementiel who seemed like a family was a skanky move, something that Chloé herself disapproved silently. She felt like Jason basically brainwashed her to join them (more reasons to hate him).

She thought the team acted way too nice and respectful toward someone who just ditched them. And when the tension had raised it seemed natural, especially because Jason wouldn't stop commenting.

The rides: Since it was her first time experiencing so many rides, Chloé felt overwhelmed but in a good way. She felt in a different world completely and would surely go again. She made sure to stay close to Roy and mostly went where he did. But what she enjoyed the most was the merry-go-round ride because it reminded her of the first time she went to the carnival, plus it didn't make her feel sick.

The fortune teller: Chloé actually believes in stuff like this and when he heard hers and Roy's predictions, everything made sense, and couldn't stop thinking about it. She was one of those girls who fantasized about her and her crush married and having children, growing up old together, and spending the last moments of their lives in each other's company. Also, Roy's reaction was pretty cute.

Speaking of cute, then they were at the shooting range, the fact that Roy went along with the couple stuff, strengthened Chloé's belief that Roy must feel something for her as well. Also, the fact that he offered to pay at the caw machine was sweet.

Toward the end, Chloe went with Roy on the Merry-go-round ride and it felt magic. The way the things moved, the lights, and the fact that Roy was there made everything better. Also, let's not forget about the holding hands.

After they were done, they regrouped with eh others and said goodbye. Chloe went home super happy and excited.

Here's the outfit:

[ateez-himari]

MASTERS OF; PERFORMANCE

The senior idols finally walk to the stage after being on the sidelines for 7 episodes

November 9, 2024 (11:14PM)

MNet's 'Road to Kingdom : Ace of Ace' has finally come to an end with the announcement of Cravity being the winning team, while The New Six and Tempest unfortunately did not make it to the final round despite undoubtedly impressing the audience at every turn. The round prior to this decisive one had the masters of ceremony mentoring the remaining groups and it was time for them to show why they had been given such an important role in the first place - opening the finale with a live performance of the song 'Criminal' from the first album produced by Himari.

Inkigayo in Tokyo had already set high standards for this stage as it will go down in the industry's history and the artists unsurprisingly reached those heights with ease, though this time using a slightly more sensual concept rather than playing on emotions. The new choreography created in large part by the idols had kept some of the original moves but was adjusted to challenge their very impressive bodily control, combining mesmerizing fluidity and sharpness akin to a knife - which their juniors could not stop praising in interviews.

The closing stage saw the masters of ceremony performing once more, though individually this time with the older idol choosing to sing 'Advice' while his protégée surprised viewers by using a slightly shortened version of the track 'Outlaw' from ATEEZ's album 'The World Ep.2 : Outlaw'. The choreography was of course modified by the dance crew BB TRIPPIN in order to accommodate a singular person but remained just as impressive, though what inarguably shocked fans the most was that the vocalist managed to clear both rappers' verses with ease, following them up with angelic high notes.

Netizens expressed feeling uncertainty when hearing the first notes due to the group's power coming from how they move together yet reportedly sat slack jawed in front of their screens when the maknae managed to emulate the energy of nine members alone. Slight tone changes were used to mimic each member while keeping the artist's originality throughout her stage and counting heavily on the 'Demon' persona designated by fans, leaving a lingering feeling of admiration in the participating idols - many of who expressed now understanding that reaching this level was near impossible.

Although the young woman is not old enough to be regarded as an industry senior on the same level as her mentor, it seems that her impressive ever growing achievements are rapidly building a seat alongside some of the most regarded figures in K-Pop. Taemin on the other hand has been highly praised ever since SHINee's early days and showed newer generation fans unaware of his group why one of the many nicknames he was given over the years is "Idol of Idols".

During lives held following the episode airing some participants explained that despite being strict in what they taught, the senior artists cared for the members deeply and offered comforting encouragement to every group prior to them taking the stage. With this being such an impressive debut as master of ceremony for the producer it was not only the fanbase that wishes there to be more opportunities but the participating groups as well as they have spoken several times on her kindness and support throughout the show.

Remember to vote for ATEEZ for the Fans' Choice 2nd Vote and Visa Fans' Choice of The Year as well as support their upcoming comeback 'Golden Hour : Part.2' which is releasing on November 15 at 2PM KST.

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