#when the thing fully dies i dont know how im going to handle it

[cereusblue]

An update:

We are gathering the parts to fix the car. Have most things, but still need a few more. We are getting help from a neighbor to do repairs but the work still needs done and parts bought to repair. It may also need towed to the guys body shop to properly pull off the damaged bumper. From what I was told, the thing that cracked in half supports the coolant system and some other stuff. The coolant system is fucked, every single chamber in it is busted. We are going to see what all we need to do when the neighbor comes back with all the parts. He also has hope in fixing my car too, which would be fucking amazing since my fiancee still works 40 minutes away every day. The prius also isn't great on snow while my car is. It's been cold as hell and nothing is melting the snow yet. I'm hoping that if we can't get the prius going, we can get mine going for the first time since 2021. The battery is probably dead, the tires need pumped, and the rusted out ties under the car need replaced. Ah also the muffler needs replace because the last place that put the original one on botched it. So once those things are done, mine should be safe to drive again. Should be, at least. Again, probably another tow-to-shop situation because the thing needs lifted up to replace the parts that are just rusted to dust. I was told the car isn't safe to drive, so my neighbor will confirm that since the other things the body shop said were a bag of lies. His dad works at another body shop (the one who we originally took it to is run by one dude and his wife). So we will take it there. My neighbor pulled the hood open and looked over the thing and said that yeah this and that are destroyed but everything else is in beautiful condition. Which is exciting. I was told the floor and everything underneath would just fucking fall out from under me. Turns out it's not the case. The guy who also originally inspected the vehicle apparently had no idea what he was talking about because he called the destroyed pieces frame ties and my neighbor laughed and said my car doesn't even have those. I know car stuff but only to a degree lol. Some of the other things I don't remember what he said. I don't even know the actual names of the parts that need replaced on my car. But that's fine, I'm leaving it to the expert lol. So a little bit of good news. May not need to meet the fundraiser goal after all, but literally anything helps to get both the poor prius and my car fixed up. Unemployment won't fucking pay me right now anyway, so, I'll take any help possible.

And as a little thanks, here's some pics of my cats, Felix and Jinx. My girls thank you too~

(Felix has a missing tooth so she makes a bulldog face sometimes lol, don't worry about her facial expression.)

https://gofund.me/96bce824

Hi, all. So, I've had a day from hell and I'm too exhausted to re-explain on another platform. But here, I'll copy paste the story here. TLDR at the bottom. If you can't help, pass it on. Literally everything helps. Love you all.

Good day all, thank you for stopping your busy day to check my page.

Let me lay out the situation as best I can.

First off, some background for myself and my family. My fiancee and I only have(had) one functioning car between us when we took in a family member of his in an emergency CPS case. We are trying our hardest to take care of her and teach her how to be a person, but our schedules and only having one vehicle has made that a struggle. She has gotten a job just last week and is working hard to get on her feet. It's great and we are very proud of her! It's part time for the time being while she learns how to manage finances and how the world works.

However, since October things have started taking a turn for the worse. Between my fiancee and I, we both worked minimum wage and in October I bent over to put on a shoe and my back made a horrible crack noise. I went to the ER in immense pain and despite having insurance, I still got dumped with a hefty bill that to this day I am still trying to pay off. I have gone through physical therapy as requested by my doctor, since he didn't want to operate on someone of my age. However, it did nothing but agitate the problem. While I can now move around again, bending over and lifting anything past 15 pounds is strenuous. I'm in pain every single day and even sitting up is difficult most days. I can't stand up for long anymore before it becomes too much on my back. But things continue to happen, as they do. I was set to come back to see my surgeon this year but on Dec 29th in the last hour of the day, my job decided that an AI system could completely take over my job and laid me off. Getting unemployment as well as answers back from my previous work has been very difficult. My benefits were cut off with no chance to refill medications or see my surgeon. So, now my continued treatment to fix my back on top of my other health issues have all been put on pause. I've been working for almost two years now to get treatment and figure out what's wrong with my health, but I am now on a desperate search for a new job.

Which leads us to today. We are already strapped for money, and on a trip to an interview and my fiancee going to work, we got taken down a gravel road that looked deceptively fine. Driving across, the ice was far deeper than it appeared and it destroyed the grill, bumper, and wheel well (I believe that's what it's called) aka part of the frame that covers the front wheels broke and are hanging. That's not where it ends. So, I took the car to get it temporarily fixed so we could hopefully figure something out to get repairs done. The car got a temporary fix, and then I proceeded to take the car to pick up my fiancee from work. He and I began our drive back home, and as we were passing train tracks a doe jumped out into the road way too close to us. She only came into view as she appeared in the lights of the car, immediately getting bodied by the car. As you can see from the image, she destroyed the hood of the car and much more. I feel horrible for the poor thing and I hope she went quickly, noticing the fur and blood on the front bumper. We managed to get the car home, but the check engine light came on. This car is a Toyota prius. Anyone who knows anything about a prius knows they are basically tin cans. So, the worry is that the cooling system is busted now too. This will exponentially increase the amount we need to pay to repair the vehicle.

The worst part is, is that this is the only car we have to go to work and for me to go to interviews. I do have a car, but it's not in running condition right now. The poor thing is a 1999 and needs some parts replaced that we have not had the funds or availability to get a list of parts and have them replaced. The car also can't move anyway right now and would need towed. The prius is our only vehicle we have, and I don't have the funds to drop on fixing it. Insurance won't pay for it as far as we have been made aware by the body shop because of the type of insurance we have.

So, this is the current estimate we have to work with in regards to repairs. The entire front, hood, coolant system, and I know a few more pieces need replaced. The prius can run and be moved to a body shop at least, but paying for it will be a nightmare. If he can't get to work, we are in major trouble. My fiancee, his little sister, and I all rely on this car for work. While I'm still looking for work, I'm very limited because of my current physical state. We've spent a lot of money on my Healthcare already and every day are worried I'm going to reach for something and have my back crack again. While we are working on Medicaid, these things are proving a slow process. They also don't cover previous medical bills when I did have insurance. So, our only choice is to live off his income currently while I'm on a search for a new job every day. Our lives depend on this one car. Especially since we live out in the woods and work is 40 minutes away.

If you've read this far, I appreciate every single second of your time. Every single hand this gofundme goes through will be a huge help. If you can't help, that's okay, please don't stress your own financials if youre in a tough spot. If you can pass this along to anyone you can, that would be more than enough. Thank you again, and I wish you all better fortune this 2024.

For those who can't read the whole thing;

TLDR; Me and my family are already going through a lot of financial troubles with my health and being laid off, our only mode of transportation is severely damaged from an unmaintained roads massive pothole and hitting a deer in the same day. Three people rely on this one vehicle for all our jobs and interviews that are far from home. Donate if you can, if not, please share and thank you so very much.

Also including another picture here for you all to see. Thank you all again, I wish you better fortune this year.

[mrfoox]

Fucking ridiculous. I'll literally spent months without seeing friends or talking to them and I still won't feel this level of absolute loneliness and despair :')

[thrashkink-coven]

okay I don’t love ranting about Christians on this page because I try to keep this space free of religious shenanigans but I need to rant about this because it’s actually SO irritating. This is coming steaming hot right off the top of the dome so excuse my grammar and all caps.

Lately my instagram page (thrashkink_art check me out I’m awesome) has been getting a lot of attention from Christians for some reason, and I’ve been getting dmd by people wanting desperately to debate and/ or convert me. They all come at me with the assumption that I’m either an extreme atheist that’s just super mad at God or a complete dumbass that’s simply never read the first few pages of Genesis. I must either be angry or stupid. There’s no way I could have read the Bible and known the story of Jesus without subscribing to it. Anyone who isn’t Christian must not know the story! “Have you heard about JESUS? DID YOU 🫵 KNOW He died for your sins? 😃” Whatever

The thing that is so frustrating is that, EVERY SINGLE TIME I share some information with them about the Bible or religion that they didn’t know, they immediately BLOCK ME. EVERY TIME. And it’s like??? If you want to have a debate and go bar for bar then I’ll humor you. Hey, who knows! Maybe I’ll even learn something new and convert! I’m always open to new information! I love learning about religion! But apparently it doesn’t go both ways because the second I present information they can’t grapple with, they IMMEDIATELY BLOCK ME. AAAAAA

Some Christian dude: If you read the Bible you’d know that doing witchcraft will land you in Hell!

Me: well if we’re really going based off of the Bible, the entire concept of Hell doesn’t originate in the Isrealite religion. Actually, there’s no mention of a Hell in the OT at all, Hell is a Greek concept and so is Lucifer.

Christian: What? No?? That can’t be true it completely distorts my worldview

Me: You… don’t have to believe me just look into it yourself

*You can no longer message this person*

LIKE WTF.

Some Christian dude: Women are just naturally subordinate to men, if they weren’t then we would have worshipped a female Goddess alongside YHWH.

Me: Well… They did. The Israelites worshiped Asherah alongside YHWH before her worship was abolished

Christian: This is blasphemy *you can no longer message this person*

RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAA. I have countless examples like this! A dude called me evil because I told him Jesus was Jewish. I’ve been called a degenerate for explaining how YHWH originated in Canaan. Im so tired of ignorant Christians shitting my pants because they’re too lazy to do any research on tHEIR OWN RELIGION!! IF YOU NEED TO HAVE AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS BECAUSE YOU JUSG LEARNED ABOUT THE HISTOY OF YOUR RELIGION THEN THATS ON YOU BITCH! DONT GET MAD AT ME BC YOUVE BEEN FED A LIE !!!!!! THATS NOT MY PROBLEM !!!!!!!!!!

There have been so many times when I’ve taken the time to go through all this bullshit with people because I really don’t want to be close minded. But holy shit it’s like they’re allergic to conflicting information. They immediately accuse me of trying to push blasphemy onto them. and when i’m like hey dude don’t take my word for it, please I encourage you to do your own research, they’re immediately so offended and appalled. How dare I tell them something about the Bible that they didn’t know.

Listen bro, I’m fully supportive of your Christianity, live your life, worship your God, I honestly do not care. But if you’re going to try to convert me at least be somewhat prepared for an actual discussion. Don’t block me because you can’t handle the reality of the situation mother fucker.

LIKE LISTEN IM USUALLY NOT SO PRESSED AB SHIT LIKE THIS BUT THE THING THAT DRIVES ME UP THE WALL IS THAT I USUALLY TRY TO IGNORE THESE PEOPLE BUT THEN THEYRE ALL LIKE “Aha! 😌 You don’t want to hear me out because you know I’m right! You’re afraid of the truth!” SO THEN IM LIKE

*SIGGGGGHHHHHHH*

OKAY! Let’s go! Let’s hear it! We can debate because you’re so desperate to change my mind! ILL WASTE THREE HOURS OF MY LIFE GOING THROGH THIS SHIT WITH YOU SO YOU CAN JUST CALL ME A BLASPHEMOUS WHORE AND BLOCK ME. I LOVE WASTING MY TIME I LOVE GOING IN CIRCLES I LOVE POINTLESS DISCUSSIONS I LIVE FOR THEM

DO NOT!!! DM ME IF YOURE A CHRISTIAN !!!!YOU WILL NOT COME OUT THE SAME AFTER HEARING THE THOUGHTS FROM MY EXPANSIVE SEXY SLUTTY BRAIN YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!!!!

RRRRRAAAAAAAAA

ok. I’m better now. Merry Venus Day! Ave Lucifer! 🔱 💀

[mysterycitrus]

i dont know who a writer would be who could handle it (more ignorance on my part than lack of good writers though there is that too) but i’m curious what you think a real, earned redemption could look like for jtodd and if you would even want it.

i definitely think there’s a path, esp because so much of bruce’s philosophy relies on a genuine and earnest commitment to rehabilitation and restorative justice, but i also think (and maybe i’m wrong if anyone has comics recs lmk) but i don’t think i’ve seen a comic with the hard work of reaching out and healing/moving on from the past from both bruce + co and jason

i really love his character but especially now i don’t think dc knows what it wants to do with him so he’s in this perpetual limbo where he’s always on the edges of the batfam, a fringe black sheep member but a member nonetheless, still entangled with them

personally i would love either way but i wish dc would either separate him and let him do his own thing that’s not just punisher lite or really actually go through the process of making amends and fully integrating with the crew, learning to love and trust again and all that

omg this really got away from me so apologies for just word vomiting in your asks but yeah im curious dc puts you in charge of j todd’s next big character arc, what would you do with him

i don’t think that’s ignorance — dc is not known for hiring writers who can include and explore complex themes in their comics lol

personally i think the easiest way to trigger a redemption arc for jason would be take him away from the batfamily and force him to interact with other villains, specifically amanda waller and the suicide squad. task force z came kinda close to this, but didn’t push the concept far enough imo. jason’s interactions with black mask were some of the best parts of utrh — i want to see his ideology be questioned by people who do the exact same things as him, and are fully aware that they’re selfish and destructive.

the truth is that while jason is acting out and murdering people, he’s still bound to bruce. he is autonomously making decisions, but fundamentally he is choosing to stay. he’s choosing to be tethered. he’s choosing to care. seeing the indentured recruits of the suicide squad would be confronting to him.

i don’t think the happy family fanon dynamic will ever be possible without ruining every included character simultaneously, but that’s okay. that’s not what jason truly wants anyway.

specifically, i don’t think he’ll ever be able to work with bruce, which is why i find the jason + dick dynamic so interesting. you’re right — bruce’s fundamental mission is about restorative justice, and he would continue to reach out. dick, however, is a realist, and is extremely protective and territorial of the people in his care (tim, damian, the titans, etc) all of whom jason has hurt. jason has been shown on page to respect dick and his position, and simultaneously think he’s pathetic because he refuses to lose control.

for me ideally, he’d be someone on the very outskirts. i feel like dick and babs would be his point of contact — dick because he’s keeping an eye on jason, and babs because she has way less hangups about working with killers. otherwise? i think he’s lost the chance to properly bond with anyone who knew before he died. that’s the risk he took when he decided to become the red hood. that’s the tragedy.

but to be perfectly honest, the most restorative thing jason could do would be to leave the game entirely, and relearn how to live.

[psychojetcocktail]

Alright, since my previous post about Vulpes was so positively perceived, heres a long post going more into detail about how I genuinely believe all members of Caesar’s Legion to be representative of real life romans.

I mean obviously a lot of named legionaries dont have a backstory in-game or are even mentioned outside of you interacting with them, but some of them, like Lucius, Aurelius, Vulpes, Lanius and (obviously) Caesar himself, are very similar to some actual real life people.

Like for example I’m gonna start with Aurelius. Yes there was in fact a roman leader called Aurelius, but Marcus Aurelius has not that many similarities with our in game character. Sure in a way he is helping Caesar rule, but as we can all tell and see Edward doesnt have a triumvirate. However, Aurelius is in a way similar to Octavian Augustus, the way he is put to sort of mirror how Caesar(Edward Sallow) rules, but on a smaller scale. (also, he looks very very similar to Octavian Augustus)

(I will take a moment to apologise because I am very barely educated on Sulla so, if anyone was hoping for an in depth analysis of Lucius, im sorry. However their identical names and even their facial features are similar too)

Lanius too has similarities to roman leaders like Nero and war tactician Hannibal, with his brutal and extremist approach of handling things. He also is similar to Nero since even if he didnt get chosen at random, people still regretted their decision to have him as a leader in one way or another.

And of course, Vulpes. He too was raised and praised by a man named Caesar. Told he was part of his family he doesn’t have, grew up around him and learned everything he knows from him. But the stoicism and sort of indifference he shows after Caesar dies(if you botch the surgery) has lead me to believe that he never fully cared. Yes sure I’m not here to only defend Vulpes’ actions and say he did no wrong. But it is very obvious that Caesar never treated him well, never showed him what he expected out of him. Vulpes has only been given orders to kill and to pillage since he was a child. And hate this man all you would like, people are still people.

In more ways than the way he was brought up is he similar to Brutus, he obviously cannot kill Caesar because killing him would have him exiled, and clearly he cares about the Legion so that would be a bad idea. So he waits and when you finally kill him, you can even see a tonal shift in his speech, the words he uses, he is obviously relieved to some extent. I dont think I’m just stating the obvious right now, so if you didn’t understand what I was getting at, thats fine. But I really do see Brutus in Vulpes, always have, even the way their names sound, even the way they both look, and I’m talking about the Vulpes depiction with white hair, he has a haircut similar to how the romans would wear it.

In conclusion, why do I think Brutus and Vulpes are so very similar? Because they both want to get rid of a man named Caesar and they both don’t want to do it to become leader instead.

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

🪲 Recommend a great fic centered on your favorite character!

cryptid!!!! these are all my personal recommendations for u!!!! fics that made me go “oh i bet cryptid would like that!”. (disclaimer: i do not take responsibility for any clowning involved in the posting of this reply!) im highly recommending them to everyone else as well though <3 hehe

zhou zishu (novel): our softest pieces by northofallmusic. post-canon i think, E. wenzhou fisting fic, its almost a character study that uses sex and fisting to focus on zhou zishu’s introspective journey of self-discovery regarding pleasure and sex. i read that recently and it?? blew my mind a little!?? i know you already know that fic and i know that because i DisCovered u in the comment section!! huehe (i wanted to go and poke u but I Nobly Refrained). im listing it anyyway because?? its so good?? anyways here is another one that i want more people to read, it also blew my mind: Inside Out by CaffeineAddict94, who is a beloved friend of mine and an amazing writer, i dont know, have you heard of them?? <3<3<3 post-canon domestic wenzhou, E, angst. zhou zishu has abandonment issues and copes with it by taking as much of wen kexing inside him as he can. i love how visceral and tangible your descriptions are here, interweaving zhou zishu��s state of mind with what he experiences in the body!!! okay, im done with dorking around!! <3 i dont read that much novel fic in general and it was a bit tough to come up with a third fic, after my serious proclaimation at the start that this is going to be a personal recommendation list! When the night is quiet by mtkay13. canon divergence, set during the puppet manor arc, E, light angst. introspective, a what-if of the hypothetical scenario that wenzhou get intimate sooner then they do in canon. what does it take for that to happen? i love how MT solves the issue of zhou zishu‘s insecurity and uncertainty regarding the question of wen kexing‘s sincerity, that makes it very canon-compliant, and it has the typical wenzhou push-and-pull when it comes to expressing and baring yourself in your desire! i eat that up like cake

wen kexing (novel): closer by northofallmusic. post-canon i think, E. wen kexing wants to see what happens if he lets zhou zishu top him. feat. implied comphet, self-discovery, switching. the pov alternates between them and it has some amazing things to say about zhou zishu too, but im putting it here because i really love wen kexing‘s handling of the matter. also one of my most favourite wenzhou novel fics!

wen kexing (show): spare me by staringatstars. post-ep36 time-travel fix-it longfic, heavy angst, graphic body horror whump, T. i literally just recced u that!!!! but let me elaborate on it anyway, for everyone else. it has delightfully gore body-horror (mildly but it is there!) and centres fully around wen kexing‘s state of mind after getting yanked back to the past. if u have ever consumed a time-travel media that features someone finding their loved one in the past at a point before they meet, with the present timeline loved one left behind, and thought that this comes very close to a character death, and that just because these are technically the same person u cant just interchange them and call it a day, look no further! this fic explores exactly this situation, with a lot of grief/mourning and hopeless yearning involved. also: horse shenanigans!

here is my second, actual recommendation!! ive been wanting to recc u this fic for a while because i know u like angsty stuff and grief as a theme, and this fic is really really good at these two things, but i also know u have been holding back from reading longfics because of all the oneshots youve been meaning to get through first. but!!! its free-real estate!!! mwahahaha!!!!! Long Away And Far Apart by timetoboldlygo. post-canon time-travel fix-it, heavy angst, grief/mourning, T. zhou zishu doesnt get cured and dies after three years and wen kexing goes back into the past to change events and ensure they both dont have to end up being the people they are, not expecting to ever remeet his a-xu again except for in the afterlife. i loved that even though the premise is that zhou zishu hasnt actually died here, the author really went there and had wen kexing confront this ugly situation of losing zhou zishu (which is graphic, btw) and being forced to live with it, for 100k, before he finds out about it. its just ugly messy graphic grieving and being forced to survive when u just want to die, of building a new life out of the ashes of your old one, and feeling all the feels that brings with it. the new family dynamics between wen kexing and his parents that are automatically altered by this decision are also amazing. i read this fic twice so far, i think, and it made me ugly cry each time

lan wangji: The Roots Grow Riotous by hansbekhart. this is ,, like ,, my go-to fic when someone asks me to recommend mdzs fic (even though its no longer available) and its also the one i immediately think of in terms of lwj-centred pieces that blew me away. recommending this (or, honourably mentioning this) more in general because u already know it. in case someone has a friend who has a copy: modern au magical realism, E, longfic, heavy angst, graphic body mutilation, graphic body horror, grief/mourning, whump. is set in the fashion industry within the united states and focuses on the diaspora experience of being within that fashion industry as a work-related immigrant, especially in terms of race. i love how tangible lan wangji is in this. its really the character study of someone who is entrapped inside themselves and who is very bad at sharing what hurts them on the inside with other people. the magical realism as well as the mentioned body horror has to do with the actual live plants that grow out of lan wangji‘s body, and the graphic body mutilation comes into play when he him rips them out before anyone else can see. youve already said it in your own post, cryptid, the symbolism is amazing here!

here is my second recommendation which has not been removed from the archive. its doesnt have a lot of similarities with Roots but its also a lwj-centred fic i really like. wonder under summer skies by dragongirlG. modern au, cultural identity, E. also maybe light angst, because the topic of cultural identity and diaspora is written with the kind of weight it does have. this focuses on fashion as well but here from the view of an immigrant small business family-run tailor store in chinatown. i loved how this shifting relationship to your own identity, as diaspora, is reflected in lan wangji, clumsily but determinedly kneeling neck-deep into hanfu making and traditional clothing patterns, and in wei wuxian, whom lan wangji attempts to aid in his endeavour of reforging a connection to his long-dead parents. i dont remember more than that, its been a while since i read it, but it was so good!

bug me for fic recs!!!

[thevoidofwinter]

im not gonna reblog that other post a third time just to add additional thoughts but fuck, man. literally the only people we've seen helping are local. the only government aid i've loosely heard of is smthn about granting $750. $750. are you reading that? don't get me wrong, any little bit helps absolutely, but for the people who have had their entire fucking lives destroyed in the span of a day, do you seriously think that's going to be enough? you can spend millions on military and shit but you can't send aid to your own fucking country when they need it most? i guess i shouldn't be surprised knowing the state of things for the past forever but its enraged me beyond belief to see how they're handling this.

its around 5 am as im typing this so i can't coherently gather my thoughts or fact check anything rn, im just. so mad. and so tired. its all so much. i saw houses split in half by trees, blood splattered across the inner seats of a crushed car (there was no one in it anymore but i genuinely dont know if whoever was in it lived or died), floods sweeping away whole sections of roads. and we're not even fully in the mountains, just super close. the only gas station that was open the day it all hit was only open for that one day before someone got shot that night and they ran out of gas. ive heard all around of fights breaking out in the gas lines, grocery stores, etc. even as the power is slowly being restored a little at a time. and theres still people who are completely cut off, trapped, and with little to no way to get resources without outside help. hell, we wouldn't have even been able to reach my grandmother to make sure she was okay if we hadnt had a chainsaw and other people come help us to get the fallen trees out of the road.

at what point are people going to finally see us as people and not your toys for classist jokes or ignore us for political reasons? get the fuck off social media and realize we are real, living breathing people too for once.

[visionthefox]

Oh boy did today's episode make anybody nervous? Moon's still emotionally drained from his breakdown and we're immediately met with Molten, who has completed his mission and now has nothing to do, we don't know were Ruin is or who Molten's creator is, and that just further adds to the tension But what took the cake was Moon, he immediately became angry, demanding answers of Molten who, if we were to believe what they said, physically isn't allowed to say because of a program their creator installed in them, and Moon's response was to start going off about being judge-jury-executioner and threatening to scrub Molten's code(which sounds less like extracting data like what Moon was doing with Ruin and more like ripping out the information, which could go very wrong for Molten, and Sun points that out) Then when Sun(who had immediately gone quiet and scared from the yelling again) tried to stop Moon, Moon started going off about the whole "we're robots" thing, and what was that? Like yes he and Sun and the others are robots, artificial beings who would technically be locked down and have information extracted at the whim of their makers at any time, but that doesn't make it right, even if Molten isn't fully sapient at least they seem to be able to feel complex existential emotions, so what was his point in trying to justify a code scrub like that? Thankfully he listened to Sun's words to hold off and interrogate Molten instead(who also didn't fight and shut themselves down, making themselves vulnerable), but it makes me wonder if this is a result of his talk with Old Moon, specifically what Old Moon said about "you're holding yourself back", and with how desperate New Moon is for a way to bring back Solar maybe he internalized that, hence jumping to a vicious solution like a data scrub on somebody who so far hasn't done as much as some of their villains have, New Moon is smart, he doesn't think he is but he is, he just arguably has less experience than Old Moon if we were to consider how long each was around, and New Moon is dealing with even more threats than Old Moon had, so of course it would feel like he's failing, but that conversation...He listened to Sun at the very least, and didn't do anything like threaten Sun like Old Moon might've whenever Sun would try to stop him from doing something cruel or rash, but it is worrying that it seems like New Moon might backslide when under this much pressure Who knows maybe that's just the paranoia talking, what does everyone think?

Hiii!~ so I just saw the ep today- cuz honestly? I want to see what Eclipse pla in is at the moment- and see if i care to stay haha but alas! im with you- the hell was that "we are robots!" talk to justify him being as low as humans- if we are mean to belive in this universe- robots have to right- mean to obey- and serve- yet few robot have been LUCKY to be sentient and more LUCKY to have magic to get out of trouble.. why is Moon acting like can just be this cruel? that felt too weird- what- because he is emotionally tired and depresso he gets to literally manhandle and invate a poor's robots mind and body? oh but then "Ruin doesnt deserve to sit all alone while slowly dying!" um sorry-- what?? I feel that talk with his old self made him try to BE like him- but " better too" yet right now? he's being an asshole- in my view because what right does HE have to not only Keep the crimal- but also choose how and when he dies! why does he think only HE has the bigger lost and only HE will be the savior- we know he knows other Universes with other Moon's (since he had stated to have travel in the past) hell Reverse Eclipse may be still alive if that universe is anything close to their Universe (if I remember- Ruin said their creator was an odd one- but never said unique!) overall! dont like that Moon wants to justify not lettings others- with better judgement and no emotional attachment to Ruin- handle his fate,the Justice that all of those dimentions deserve because yes- even IF he gets to save those tho died- still HE has No Right to play Judge- thats not his place- others affected whould also be able to have a say.. also I hated that the fist thing he does is - harm- yell- demand- thats so Old Moon of him.. and is sad -because he was showing to be so different- when he Meet Reversed Eclipse? he was polite- sure he wasnt as bias as he was before re-meeting Eclipse- yet still I loved he was polite and I do understand he is working his ass out- but still - he cant be this cruel to someone CLEARLY not well- im all on Sun side- dont fall low- be better than that- Sun can see this robot is only a servant to someone else who is no longer there to guide em- Im so glad Sun was there- he is the most emotinally smart one of the two.. but yes! what do you guys think? Im with anon here- I mostly rushed my view on it- since again- I care more of Eclipse plan- but- what did you guys felt?

[furinuris]

personal,

n,

maybe di ako nakakausad kasi hanggang ngayon i still find ways to rationalize ung kasalanan mo sa huli. siguro ayokong makita ka in a bad light sa utak ko, kahit na masakit nga yung ginawa mo kahit na alam nateng dalawa na mali nga. i tried hard to understand and justify kung bakit mo nagawa yon kasi until now you couldn't give me an explanation bakit. I need to figure things out to fix it, and since i cant figure this out, i cant fucking fix myself. Im always torn between knowing that i do understand why you did things the way you did and being mad at feeling I was not worth the effort of being communicated to about it. It's like Im given the burden to choose between being a good person or feeling like a fucking burden. Di naman kita pipilitin na magstay if ayaw mo na, nasabi ko naman yon dati diba? Kung san ka mas masaya, masaya na den ako dun, but was I not worth the effort of trying to fix things with you ba? Was I too much to handle dati on top of everything? i used to think that...but after knowing you were fully capable of keeping in touch with new people that time, i understand how unfair it was of you to do that to me. And I could justify that by saying it's easier to deal with people you don't have to be vulnerable with but a single text of explaining you needed time to think about things alone would've been nice, wouldn't it? Naiintindihan ko naman lagi when you tell me you need time and space for yourself diba? kaya why couldn't you give me the grace and respect of that conversation dati when i needed it the most? I dont like feeling like I have to hate you to be able to deal with this, I just need to understand why it happened for me to do so. I just need to stop overthinking and assuming and overcomplicating things because I am fucking exhausted na. I haven't had a sliver of peace inside my mind, it's getting too unbearable na. I don't want to blame you, you did things that you thought were right at the time, and what you think was best for the both of us —i get that, really i do but have I not made it clear dati I would appreciate being communicated with? You fell out of love? i get it, it happens, that's how life fucking goes—change is fucking constant. I dont mind if you did, but was i not worth being told about that? why do you insist on taking everything on your own? hays this is getting long and i still end up in the same fucking cycle, the same fucking loop of questions I will never get the answers to. I am trying my fucking hardest at relinquishing the need to know, but it's turning me into someone I don't recognize anymore. I hate this.

I guess what i also want to say is that i feel like it's a disservice to what we had if I so much as feel hurt/frustrated or lightly hate what you did, because you loved me the best way you knew how and you chose to do things the way you thought was best for me too. I thought I was always good at seeing things in the gray, but i realize I do see things black and white. I couldn't settle comfortably in the thought that i could understand and accept what you did while also hating it and the consequences—it has to be one or the other. Breaking down in the middle of my day is such a fucked up experience, because it's midnight and I wanna go for a walk but i cant.

[taintedpearls]

dogtooth, ellabs x reader headcannons ౨ৎ⋆

with special guest @satellitespinner !

dont buy tlou | free palestine

masterlist. | her version!

pairing: roommate!ellie and abby x fem!reader

warnings: nsfw at the bottom, no outbreak/modern au, fem reader, fluff and i think that's it?

wc: 2.1k

a/n: this is fully inspired by @beforeimdeceased chaotic roommates series! it's literally so good so you guys need to show her some love. me and izzie were texting and suddenly we just became genius' with so many thoughts... anyway i lov her and her genius mind! we have another ellabs collab coming soon 👀👀

roomate!ellabs who were best friends with you and when you needed a place to stay they happily invited you to join them on their lease !

cooking with them is... chaotic. but some days it can be good!

bumping your hip with ellie because she sucks at cooking and her getting all blushy and flustered

abby gently grabbing your hips to get around you

taking .5s of them ALL THE TIME!!

they hate it but you love it

they have no idea how to use the ring camera you installed, one day they've locked themselves out and are begging you to let them in

"open the door it's cold out 😕" "let us in.... babeeee 😞"

falling asleep while watching a movie like a literal dogpile

while beforehand y'all were arguing for twenty minutes on what movie to watch because you and abby wanted to watch scream and ellie can't handle horror for the LIFE of her

(so you eventually settle on a romcom) (it was 10 things i hate about you) (you've already watched it five times)

abby and ellie playing video games and ur sorta just sitting there staring at their hands watching them play

"did you win?" "no i died."

when you do end up playing a game with them, it's usually fortnite

abby is so gentle with you and constantly helping you through the game

"good job babe!" "show me those bike skills" "want the sniper? i know you said you like those"

however with ellie....

"BABE BABE BABE KILL HIM SHOOT HIM SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT" "FUCK HE HAS TO BE A FUCKING BOT THERES NO WAY" "FUCK YEAH I GOT HIM TAKE THAT"

ellie putting her hands on urs on the controller when their first teaching you how to play and whenever she gets touchy <3

sitting on their laps while they play...

sleepover with them go NUTS

ellie buys SO MUCH SOUR CANDY

abby fucking HATES sour candy and you and ellie are trying to trick her into having a warhead

"no im not putting that vile shit in my mouth" "abby it's literally so sweet trust me" "no eat it it's just candy" "just try! 😕"

pouting to get your way and she gives in (and immediately spits it out)

pouting to get your way works with them no matter what

abby would be a personal trainer and also work somewhere in analytics

ellie would be a mechanic and livestream for a living (she acts like it's no big deal but she's gained a surprisingly large following)

reader owns a bakery that's also a flower shop and always brings in spare treats for them to have!

"guys i got doughnuts for you!"

you buy them flowers all !! the !! time !! and you assign really specific meanings to them

"so the poppy means... and the tulip with the poppy means..."

they're pretending to listen... (they are listening so intently)

them ganging up to tickle u at least once a day (you act like you despise it but in reality your devouring it)

FORCING THEM TO MAKE TIKTOKS WITH YOU

abby's texting you "Babe wdym I have to take a quiz on what aura I have." "can u just do it?"

omfg forcing abby to get tiktok because she refused to get it for so long only for her to be on it more than you and sending you the most random shit

getting into an argument with one of them is certainly something !

ur refusing to talk to ellie and ur communicating to her through abby (ellie is speaking to you directly and you are sitting cross legged staring at abby) "abby tell ellie im not speaking to her rn" and ur being DEAD serious... they're laughing their asses off

kissing abby in front of ellie to make her jealous when ur fighting

and whenever ellie and abby are fighting you straight up ignore them until they come to their senses and apologise

matching tattoos! you have a sun, abby has a moon and ellie has some stars

uno and they both have extra cards under the table

"are you guys cheating" "OH MY GOD NO OF COURSE NOT-" "HOW COULD YOU EVEN SUGGEST THAT?!" "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" "WE WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO YOU A GAMES A GAME"

ellie standing up to get water and you yell at her from the 826 cards that slipped

abby and ellie pull pranks on eachother all the time!

and you are constantly getting caught in the middle of it

one time you contribute and both of them are arguing on who did what prank having zero clue it was you

and you're just giggling off to the side

the two would have such bad jealousy issues

like they see u GLANCE at another girl and they're dragging you home

and then they go "we aren't even jealous people! she was practically eye fucking you. that's why we left!"

like girl she had a whole bf

imagine covering them in lipstick kissed and taking a picture...

making them do the lipstick trend

OR the nail polish eye colour trend!

u having a hard day and they’re RUSHING to comfort you

girls were STRESSEDDDD like ellie's holding you while abby's rushing to get the bath filled up

"stupid fucking bathtub isn't filling up!!!!!!! hurry up!!!!!" and now they’re more stressed than you😭

the nicknames.

ellie's pretty basic with it. calling you babe, baby, honey, pretty girl, etc.

but with abby she likes to be unique with it. calling you princess, darling, etc.

and u reversing the nicknames on them...

talking to abby and she's helping u w something and u go "thanks princess!" then kiss her on the cheek like nothing happened

she's like "tf??"

but with ellie she's chasing you around the house and pinning you down till you say she's daddy 😭

how rewarding it is for them when they see u get all blushy and stuff

they would feel so cocky and proud of the themselves

abby sending you playlists and ellie showing you drawings

and the gifts they would get u ! like gift giving isn't their love language but they wanna spoil you

“oo i like that shirt” abby’s already ordered it. in every colour.

like you sneak a peek at a bracelet and now it's ellie's job to keep you distracted while abby runs in and buys it

sleeping w a stuffy and being so tired and giving it a kiss on the cheek and bestfriend!ellie is all like “where’s mine”

she gets jealous with the amount of plushies u sleep with

she's the typa girl to joke "hey mamas where's my kiss" after u get home from work and ur just staring at her like 😐 with flour all over you from a failed recipe

“no? okay sorry babe”

goodcop!abby badcop!ellie when u do something bad!

"babe.... just tell me where u hid my keys and all will be good" "ALL RIGHT LISTEN UP WOMAN...."

then they end up finding the keys under the couch

but u lowk hid them there cause you didn’t want them to leave..

abby had a snapchat hey mamas phase and ellie was there to see it

AND ellie uses it as blackmail in the gc

abby: "Ellie you're so dumb how could you get the directions wrong." "wanna see a magic trick."

abby backtracks so fast in hopes it'll save her from her fate (it doesn't).

"and that's the end of my magic show! thank u and goodnight 🙏 " then ellie disappears because she knows abby will beat her ass

they have pictures of you in a gallery and you don’t know about it

“is this me sleeping?” "gimme my fuckin phone back-" "you ain't seen NOTHING"

you would take so many pics of urself on their phones!

like at dinner and you've managed to sneak one of their phone's under the table and are taking silly selfies

and you take videos of them snatching their phones back

the screen is all black and all you can hear is rustling and the faint sound of ellie whining "babe my storageeee" and abby's just laughing

flipping them off by accident in a photo (both me and izzie are victims to this).

you mean to do 🤘 or 👍 but instead do 🖕

ellie's feigning hurt and abby's laughing so hard

abby uses “😂” and “LOL” but then ellie uses “😭” and “LMAO”

abby is so literal with her texting

She types like this. Always uses proper grammar no matter what.

and ellie... ELLEI TWXTS LIKE THIS

"babky were is tje lrnon" "ALL CAPS NO PUNCTUSLYIK PJNCTISNTILN"

ur the only person who can translate ellie's awful texting so you'll occasionally get texts from joel saying stuff like "Kiddo do you know what she was tryna say here?"

ellie is 100% dyslexic

and a professional yapper which is why she likes streaming so much

abby fights the urge to tell her to shut the fuck up

and sometimes after like a really hard day at work all you wanna do is relax and they just let you

sending them paragraphs about how much you love them just out of the blue

ellie’s like “??? r u gonna kys “

abby leaves you on read and smothers you when she's home

abby chronically leaves people on read

ellie greets you by slapping or pinching ur ass and abby greets you by giving you a kiss on the side of your face ellie also pretends to fuck you from the back whenever you bend down to pick something up

the amount of facetimes when you didn't live with them! and the amount you get when your on some sort of work trip

falling asleep on call and them taking secret screenshots of you and texting eachother in fear of waking you up

facetiming you on abby's macbook

abby uses apple and ellie uses a microsoft laptop

when ur on a work trip and they're harassing you to call

“i’m in a meeting” “answer facetime”

"gimme 5" "5...4...3..2......"

nobody’s home except you and you burn yourself cooking

they are be RUSHINGGG home

"guys it's fine i literally barley did anything" "YOUR GONNA DIE"

“ARE TOU OKAY?!?” "i am literally fine"

omg the day they actually pay attention to work and your at home and don’t have a lot of time for you is the day you die

"i'm in a meeting what's up" "im dynggg.... come back......... zhelllpppppp....."

and then you get all bratty and needy they obviously punish you for it later ... i'll leave that to your imagination.

“come home or i’m gonna fall ill” “YOURE GONNS FALL ILL??"

sitting in abby's lap while she's working from home <3

she's sitting on her chair and ur straddling her with ur face in her shoulder

biting her arm randomly and she's like "ow wtf?!"

biting her for the first time and she’s was all like “?!” this girl was alarmed.... "are you going feral what is up with you"

eventually she just gets used to it at some point

zero reaction to you biting her now

they go to the gym without you and send gym selfies

abby LOVESSS to flex

she'll never admit it but this girl is trying so hard to excentuate her muscles around u

throws you over her shoulder effortlessly

annoying her and going "watcha gonna do abby? kidnap me?" and she, in fact, does.

“let me go!” and she just pats ur ass

and ellie's always wearing shirts that show her arms off

making them kiss

"awh i think we need a ship name now!" "SHUT UP"

forcing them to talk to eachother by ignoring them and then they have to talk to eachother on wether or not ur pissed at them or if ur just not in the mood to talk

them fighting over everything including you

but you're not official with either of them and could go flirt around if u wanted

them showing up at whatever place u have a date at or something and trolling the poor girl ur out with and then angry dragging u home

they get SO possessive

ellie listens to boygenius and you had to beg abby to listen to them and now she loves them

ellie's got 21 savage, the weeknd, drake, tyler the creator, the neighborhood, chase atlantic, etc on her playlists

her and abby have similar music tastes with distinct differences

like abby listens to tyler the creator as well, chase atlantic, HOZIER, frank sinantra, frank ocean.

all of you love phoebe, mac miller, lorde and childish gambino!

and you LOVE kali uchis. ur the lalalala to their okokok.

you discovered her when she released telapatia and have been obsessed ever since

both abby and ellie had a girl in red phase...

sleeping together in abby's bed bc hers is the biggest

ur favourite mornings are ones when you can't even get up and out of bed because abby's spooning you and ellie's arm is hung loosely over ur waist

your situated in the middle with abby on ur right and ellie on ur left

waking them up with breakfast!

abby waking up to smelling some delicious food and hugging you from behind with her eyes closed and neck shoved into ur shoulder "smells s' good baby... wanted to spoil us even more after last night, huh?" in her raspy morning voice

all ur in is an oversized tee and some white bow cotton panties (it's one of abby's post workout shirts)

the only dirt abby has on ellie is the amount of foul photos she has of her sleeping

ellie drools AND snores

latching on to you for dear life

ur shoving the pillow over ur ears in hopes she'll stfu 😭

and she NEVER does 😕

sleeping skin to skin with them :)

"take of your clothes" "why? you wanna...?" "no i just wanna feel u... is that okay?"

abby has soft skin and ellie has a bunch of random bruises and scars

abby and ellie are genuinely head over heels for u in all seriousness

even if they don’t like eachother they cope with it for you!

smooching one of them really hard and like forcing the “MMMMWAH” sound

ellie has a main insta with zero posts and a spam with 827

abby has three accounts, one for gains, her main & her stalker (for ur safety obviously)

meanwhile u just have a main which u post on all the time and a private that nobody knows about for stalking

ellie shit posts. "lol" and it's a photo of a rat smoking a cigarette

ellie dgaf bout what she texts

sent to abby cause you made a joke about her being breedable in bed

nsfw!

ANGRY MAKEUP SEX.

ellie kisses ur tummy before she eats it

and abby puts her forearm on ur lower stomach and applies pressure 😵‍💫

abby calls u good girl

abby comforting you when ellie's going just a little bit too aggressively and manhandling you

[homoo-wan-kenobi]

I know ur post was a joke but ive seen ppl in the fandom say she's an awful mother for letting her children die and like... I think her pride definitely got in the way when she told miranda Ethan was there, not that miranda would've cared but I think Alcina should've mentioned bela... but the daughters also lock themselves with Ethan in the most dangerous rooms with windows... Like sometimes when chasing cass calls for Alcina she comes and Cass runs away.. but them they got them cornered and dont call her? Idk im rambling... But I think what kills them (and later their mom) is their hubris.... Cuz they're 70 yrs old killers who didn't imagine some human dude besting them... Idk i just see the daughters being kinda infantilized in the fandom but like, until a few hours before Ethan got them, they were the top of the food chain. I dont blame them for believing they could take him out alone. Anyway sorry for rambling

I was actually getting ready to go to sleep, but I saw this in my email and scurried on over to reply! I appreciate you sending this to me, I really do! and do not apologise for rambling, it's perfectly okay and I don't mind it so ramble any time you'd like!

I have to say, I don't believe I was joking with that post. I know I joke a lot, and I like to push buttons, but I was pretty serious with that one. And I do get what you're saying, the daughters always chose to seek him out (more so cassandra and bela, not daniela} and taunt him as he went through the castle. I do agree, I realise that while he was proving difficult for the daughters to handle, alcina should've mentioned bela to miranda. but I feel that she didn't because miranda would've just reprimanded her for it and she was already upset with whatever miranda said to her, I doubt she'd want to further annoy herself by getting told off for allowing her daughter to fail at such a trivial task during a time like this.

maybe a reason why they didn't call on alcina when they got cornered is because she did entrust them with this task at catching and killing ethan, so they wanted to show that they could do it and that they didn't need their mother there to help with something like that. and you can clearly hear how anguished alcina was when all three of them died when she confronted ethan, even before the boss fight. and the worst part is that ethan's not even human, he's made of mold. he's a moldy man-thing. disgusting.

anyway. they do get infantilised, which is fine, there's nothing wrong with it. I do it, tbh. I mean, the fandom just has a soft spot for them as fandoms do with the characters of their franchise. but game wise, I do have to hold them accountable for their actions, so I can't fully blame alcina for sending them off to their deaths. and she mourned them in her own way and even tried to avenge her girls against ethan so they all get an a for effort because at least they tried.

[tiens-letters]

upon autumns day, where you and I met. upon autumns day where I remember all of what we were before youve passed. and upon autumns day would I have ever so slowly let go of that pain of the past

zhongli (angst)

@albeidoof its somewhere here hehehe

Time was a luxury. A treasure each and everything holds.

Yet time is a curse as well. It covets, devours and leaves. which humanity neglects to cherish until the heart ceases its steady rythmn, only then do they regret of the wasted minutes, hours and seconds.

Beneath the flow of the rushing waves of things that have come and gone. Only on this particular day would he sit beneath a certain tree. The rough bark brushing up against his back as leaves fell effortlessly to the ground, as if it were ready to let go of from the branches that gave birth to it, only to return once again to the waiting soil.

It was a sunny afternoon, clear of any clouds and only clear unblemished blue, a good time to enjoy a warm cup of tea yet there was no energy in his bones to even move from where he was.

He felt exhausted. Desultory even.

Gone were the halcyon days of the past, and now the present time of the vivid reality he had to face.

Morax, rex lapis, the geo archon. Names that weighted more than one could carry, memories that shackled his soul that lived for a thousand years on end, all but a stain that could never be washed away.

The breeze slowly danced in, playing with his hair softly, kissing his skin and welcoming him. It carried a hint of aromatic essence only he would know belongs to.

You.

He tried to desperately recount the days after youve left the face of the earth and yet he could not remember or did his mind not allow him to as if he did, it would bring him terrible and heavy consequences for an answer, one sane mind would never want to know.

Sighing, he sat back and recalled back the memories of you instead. When you were alive, warm and breathing in his arms. He remembers the way your eyes would shine brightly whenever he would be around, or the small sound of delight you would make when you have finished another one of the many interesting blends of tea youve done over the course of a week of mixing different flowers and tea leaves. Youve made up quite the fortune with this as your little hobby bloomed into a fully run business known across teyvat.

"Zhongli." he froze, youve never called him by his name ever since youve started getting close, it made him feal uneasy as he turned to look at you who stood by the doorway, a neutral look on your face.

"y-yes?" nervousness clawed at him as he racked his brain to what he couldve done for you to call his name like that, he couldnt think of any.

"I came back from the market and I heard youve made quite the generous payment. Why is that, I wonder?" he's done it again, that spending habit of his

"The price was reasonable for such a fine ceramic tea set, I dont seem to find why it shouldnt reflect its quality?" you sighed as you pointed towards the glass cupboard behind him

"You bought the same exact set a week ago, Zhongli. Thats why." having to realize his mistake after looking over the two identical set that on the shelf, he turned to apologize but only to see you missing from the doorway. Footsteps can be heard from the floorboards above him. You were upset.

After minutes of pacing in the living room, he finally mustered the courage to climb the stairs and enter your shared bedroom. A figure already under the sheets as the warm glow of the lamp illuminated your delicate features. The mattress sunk as he sat beside you, fingers brushing away the stray hair that fell on your face.

"Im still mad at you Zhongli." his hand flinched slightly at the way you called him

"I apologize. I seem to not have learned my lesson again. I would gladly return the set tomorrow."

"Its no use, they dont accept refunds." you replied without sparing a glance at him

"What can I do for you to forgive me then?"

"Just go to sleep, Zhongli." groaning you reached for the switch to shut the lamp off but a gentle grip stopped you, forcing you to look at his gloomy expression. Perhaps you went too far this time.

"Please stop calling me in that way. I dont like it." he whispers, drawing your palm to his lips, leaving small kisses upon it. He sure does know his way around your heart, no wonder why you could not stay mad at him.

"Just be mindful next time." you cursed yourself for being weak to his charms.

"I will." yet something was missing "Then can you call me as you did before?"

"Zhongli?" you could see the slight grimace in his face as you teased him

"Stop it." he kissed you without warning "Call me as you did before."

However, his lips didnt stop as they began to travel. From your cheeks to you forehead and then to your neck. Oh dear, he wasnt having any of your teasing.

"A-li." you giggled beneath him as he finally stopped and met your gaze

"Thats better."

He still remembers the faint smile that graced your lips whenever he would wake up next to you tangled in the same sheets. The softness of your skin on his calloused touch. Your lips melting his and your voice lulling his raging mind to peace.

Then everything changed when you drew blood that spilled from those lips he's kissed for a thousand times, painting a morbid image on the sheets. Anger and despair boiled inside of him once he learned of the secret youve kept. Zhongli was a calm and collected man all of the time except when he was with you.

Having to witness him at such a point felt as if his own spear was being driven right through his very chest. He held you in an arms width away, the panic and pain in his eyes increasing over the minute as he begged for you to explain why youve decided to lie about the flowers that bloomed in your lungs, the sickness youve inherited from your deceased mother, whose fate you soon would follow. You didnt want him to find out, not in this way.

He couldve done anything if he knew from the start but alas, you wanted to be cruel, thinking it was for the best. Until your symptoms persisted, a heavy reminder of the remaining distance of the string you have to walk on to reach the end. The heavy feeling in your chest started to worsen as cherry sweet liquid poured from your mouth.

Soon the once pristine sheets were stained in haunting crimson shades as you heaved and he watched in agony. If only he had the ability of what he once had back then, if only he could plant the seeds of the flowers from yours to his then he would, if only he hadnt met you one autumn evening

" please dont look at me like that. " you told him, cold hands caressing his cheeks, catching the streams of salty warm beads that fell freely from your darling's amber eyes.

"Im sorry. Im so sorry..." the last thing you wanted to see was this man to cry. The last thing you wanted to see was to see him relive the past tragic memories you promised to bring him out of

" my disease has nothing to do with you. In the end it was mine alone to handle. oh, you are far from that so please dont you ever blame yourself."

"How can I not? If I havent fallen so deep then you would experienced so much more in life, you couldve been happier if you met someone else. Yet you chose me and I couldnt give you anything, I--. " the words knotted up as he began to shake, hands holding yours as knuckles turned to white

You slapped him.

With all the strength youve gathered in that fading body of yours. The sound cutting the grieving sounds that spilled from him, soul and flesh alike.

"A-li, look at me. Do I look like someone whose unsatisfied with what youve given me? Did my smile ever fade when Im with you? Did your affections ever lack? Answer me." his watery gaze met yours, a torrent of emotions swimming in them

"No. Never." a soft smile was carved unto your lips

"My dear, youve given me all Ive ever wanted in this life and I regret nothing of it."

To him, you were the flower that bloomed at the highest peak of the mountain he's never reached and yet its petals voluntarily detached and fell down, making him the happiest as one thing he's admired was untouchable and now, lay softly in the palm of his hands. To cherish and to protect.

But of course, all things are evanescent.

The familiar feeling of soreness that wasnt supposed to be there rose, ebbed and flowed through his throat. He knew it all too well, it was after he woke from his week long slumber did he feel it along with what his ancient beating heart felt.

"You collapsed." the worried words of the qixing echoed in his head. He frantically got up but as soon as his feet touched the floor did his legs give out underneath him, what use was he in this sorry state. He was helped up and sat back on the edge of the bed.

He wanted to ask many things yet was unable to.

Ningguang spoke as if you were still breathing and was visiting her minutes ago with another one of your tea blends. "Dont worry and rest first, go to jueyun karst after. They will be waiting."

To where the adepti resides, who as well, favored you, that one soul among thousands of others. One to which they shared a few good memories with was allowed to slumber there in peace.

Zhongli found himself waking up to the sun setting in the horizon. Just like how youve gone and resurfaced back into his memories. It was time.

He stood up from where he sat, gloved hands brushing any dirt that clung to him as he made his way to where you slept.

The red bean that was planted by himself still remained, a token of his love for you. Picking one bead and placing it inside the hollow dice he brought along, completing another one of the similar handicraft he's made every visit.

The sun finally died and the moon began its reign. The small wisps of light gathered around before him, forming a blurry image.

It was then he felt at ease, he saw you smiling at him with all there is in the world. Your light seemed to dim a little, hinting the blessing the adepti gave was slowly diminishing. Soon your visits would cease and you were sure that by the end of the power spent, he wouldve let go of the torment that plagued him.

"A-li. Have you been well?" he knew what you meant

"Im letting go slowly my dear. Perhaps in time, I would learn breathe easily once again."

Longest yet lol. Hope yall liked it ehehe

[mizunetzu]

Can you do Daichi x male reader where Daichi asks his boyfriend to come over to meet his team and he forgets and goes home so Daichi give him a call and is like "where you at?" "I cant come I look like a clown." "I bet you dont look that bad." "No you dont get it im in full drag." So his boyfriend comes to the gym in full drag, booby and butt pads, and monster heels, and when he walked in it's like Kags that recognizes him as his drag name.

LMAOOJSKE DRAG QUEEN READEKRNRNF

——————

Daichi x reader - DRAG QUEEN?!

⚠️warnings - drag queen, college first year reader x high school 3rd year (if that’s even a warning skdjd)

Pronouns- male, he/him

——————

Daichi said it on impulse, really.

“Do you guys...wanna meet my boyfriend?”

Everyone in the gym stopped. They were in middle of a practice match between themselves, and just when Yamaguchi was about to serve, he choked on air and missed the ball completely. The ball flew in the air, before landing somewhere near his feet.

Everyone stared at Daichi with a variety of expressions. Some shocked, some looking at him like he ‘said I’m gonna chop my dick off,’ and some who didn’t even care. (Tsukishima, obviously.) Ukai had to call timeout, since no one could focus after what Daichi blurted out.

Suga chuckled awkwardly, slinging a towel over his shoulders. “So uh, ahaha, your um...gay...?” His voice progressively died down into a whisper.

“Yeah. Is...that’s a problem?”

“No! No! I fully support y-“

“AND YOU CHOSE NOW TO TELL US? DUDE, WE COULD’VE LIKE, THROWN YOU A COMING-OUT PARTY!” Tanaka shook his captaincy the shoulders, while Noya squirted water into his mouth with his squeeze bottle.

“Well I don’t really mind, I’m already out, I was just asking if you wanted to meet him.”

“DO WE?! OF COURSE WE DO! DOES HE PLAY VOLLEYBALL?! DO YOU THINK HE COULD JOIN THE TEAM?!” Hinata jumped up and down, slowly inching is way towards Daichi with an awestruck look on his face. He’s rather surprised Hinata isn’t more shocked.

“Yeah. Uh-no, sorry. He doesn’t play.” Daichi chuckled, patting an excited looking hinata on the head. “I don’t think he has work tomorrow, so tomorrow’s really the only time he can come to practice.”

“Work?” Asahi looked up from the towel he was using to wipe off his sweat. “How old is he? Is he a third year?”

“He’s a first year in college. Actually-I think he goes to the college in Sendai.”

Asahi exhaled. It would’ve been weird if someone as young as a highschooler were to already be working, when the could be enjoying their time in classes or clubs. “Where does he work?”

Flashbacks of all the drag shows and money being thrown around a stage whipped across Daichis mind like a slap to the face. He’s sure the team wouldn’t mind, especially because they already don’t mind him having a boyfriend, but he isn’t sure if (Y/n) was ok with him telling his team he was a...y’know.

“...I’m not sure?”

————

“Oh-hello Daikkun! How was practice today?” (Y/n) opened the passenger seat to his door, waiting for him to step inside. Sometimes he liked to pick him up from school before he had to get in makeup for a night show. That didn’t stop him from doing a little bit of eyeliner, though.

“It was nice. I told them they could meet you soon. The team.”

“Really?!”

“Yeah, you don’t have any shows tomorrow, right? I kind of told them tomorrow.” Daichi scrubbed at the back of his neck, while (y/n) started up his car. “I know you’ve wanted to meet them.”

“You bet your ass! Well-I mean I have a show at like 2 am but that doesn’t matter. What time can I come? Are they nice? Didn’t you say there was one who was really short but could jump as high as me in stilettos?”

“Oi-! Focus on the road!”

“Sorry, sorry! I’m just excited. Anyways! Can you come to my show tonight? I’ll sneak you in.”

“Every time I go to one of your drag shows I get scared someone will kick me out since I’m 17.”

“Dude, have you seen yourself?!” (Y/n) gestures over to Daichi, putting emphasis on his thigh-region. “You’re big and muscly enough to at least pass as 18. It’s just a one year difference, when’s your birthday again?”

“I can’t believe you forgot, I’m hurt.” Daichi chuckled, fiddling with his backpack straps on his lap. “Besides, doesn’t your show run kind of late today? I don’t get to choose when to take my classes like you, (L/n). And I have morning practice, so I need to sleep.”

“You’re no fun, Daikkun.”

“Yeah, yeah, My house is over there.”

————

(Y/n) scrolled through his phone for the nth time that day. Fanning himself dramatically, he huffed and buried his face into his pillow. There was nothing to do today, and since he took morning classes, that left him with the rest of the afternoon to ponder, before working at night.

Was there something to do today? Was he forgetting something? He felt like he was, but he couldn’t quite place his finger on it.

He glanced guilty at a tube of light pink lip gloss tossed haphazardly on his desk. A light bulb went off in his head.

Hastily throwing his covers off his body, (y/n) dragged himself over to his closet, grabbing the lip gloss in the process. He shuffled through hangers of clothes, finally pulling out a girls uniform he bought from when he was in high school. He never wore it to school, choosing to wear the boys uniform, but he thought it’d be nice to have when he was feeling fruity.

Slipping on the skirt and cardigan, he walked over to his desk mirror. He unscrewed the wand from the tube of lip gloss, tentatively applying it generously to his lips. He shrugged. He figured he could do some more makeup. It’s not like he’s busy today, right?

Carefully winging the tip of his eyeliner, he took a step back and admired himself in the mirror. He looked cute, yeah, but cute wasn’t really his style. It screamed ‘cute femboy’ rather than his usual ‘sexy ass drag queen dominatrix who could step on you with their sharp ass knife heels’

Damn. He was really about to go all out, huh? Time to bring out the butt pads and fake boobs.

————

Sighing contently in front of the mirror, (y/n) did a little spin, puffing out the length of his dress. Damn, he was hot. And with his impossibly high monster heels? Take me now.

(Y/n) was in the midst of taking a couple cute selfies in front of his full length mirror, when his screen went grey and a caller ID appeared.

‘Incoming call - Daikkun!! <3’

(Y/n) smiled unconsciously and clicked the bright green button with his thumb. He brought his phone to his ear and twirled a piece of his faux wig with his finger.

“Hi Daikkun! Did you need something, cutie?”

“Are you still coming over?” Daichis voice was hushed, and the slam of volleyballs rang though his speaker.

“Uh-what for?”

“To meet my team? Where are you?”

Fuck.

(Y/n) paled as he eyed himself in the mirror. He couldn’t show up looking like that. And it was too much to take off before Daichis practice ended. This was the only time he had to meet this team Daichi had always been talking about, and he’d completely forgot.

“...I can’t, I look like a clown.” (Y/n’s) voice came out a hoarse, nervous-chuckly whisper. He could taste the expensive red lipstick sitting on his lips.

“I’m sure you don’t look that bad.”

“Dude no, you don’t understand.” (Y/n) picked at the hem of his dress, the silicone boobs suddenly squeezing his chest a bit too tightly. “I’m in full drag.”

A silence rang out from both sides of the line. Daichi awkwardly chuckled.

“Ahaha uh-didn’t you say you didn’t have work today?”

“No! No I-I don’t have work til like-later later but like-I got bored and I forgot I was gonna meet your team today...sorry-“

“Well I’m sure they won’t mind if you show up in drag. I mean-they seemed pretty ok with knowing we’re a thing so...?”

(Y/n) gulped.

“...I guess I’ll see you in ten minutes then.”

—————

“Good work everyone!”

Ukai dismissed the players, leaving them to start rolling up the net and cleaning up the gym. Sugawara jogged up to the captain, dragging his mop lazily behind him.

“You said your boyfriend was gonna come today, right? Where is he?”

“Uh,” Daichi checked his wrist, before realizing he didn’t have a watch and fished out his phone. “He should be here any minute now-“

Just in time, the doors to the gym creaked open. Daichi smiled, leaving Suga to trail behind him curiously. He reached for the door handle, giving it a firm pull.

In stepped a boy with a long synthetic wig on, and heels that made him tower over Daichi easily. The sharp platforms of his heels clicked with each step he took, jewelry and accessories also bobbing up and down. And not to mention the ‘bobbling’ the silicone boobs made. Jeez, even if they were fake, they did still jiggle a hell of a lot.

(Y/n) bent down daintily, pressing a kiss onto Daichi’s cheek. Lipstick smeared on his sweaty cheek, leaving a dark imprint on the side of his face. (Y/n) seemed to finally take notice of all the astonished stares directed at him.

Should he A, stand beside his boyfriend awkwardly and pick at the loose thread of his dress or B, put on his confident drag persona and play it off?

He chose B.

(Y/n) smirked and leaned on on of his feet, placing a hand on his hip. “What? Like what you see, boys? I’m afraid I’m already taken, though.”

Fuck. Fuck fuck. Fuck. Even with the confident display, (y/n) couldn’t help but stay somewhat behind Daichi, trying to shrink behind his 10 inch heels.

Immediately, a bald guy and a kid with a bleached strip on the front of his head erupted into excitement.

“Yo! Sick dress, dude!”

The atmosphere lightened up tremendously. (Y/n) let go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Well thank you, Mr. Bleach strip.”

The bald one, who introduced himself as ‘Tanaka’, slapped Daichi on the back. “Dude! What’s with all the surprises?! You tell us you have a boyfriend but you didn’t tell us he was a drag queen?!”

“I-to be honest I didn’t know he was in drag today-I didn’t know he had work.”

The closet door opened, with Hinata and Kageyama walking out from placing the net inside. Hinata gasped excitedly, while Kageyama froze. Hinata practically bolted towards the unknown person wearing heels and jumped up to his height. (Y/n) choked on air. This kid practically flew at him.

“Wow! Are you one of those ‘drag queens’ I see on tv sometimes?! Cool! That’s so cool! I-“

“ARE YOU QUIMCHI?!”

Hinatas throat closed up, along with (y/n) after hearing his stage name being called out so...dramatically. The boy continued.

“...F-FROM THAT ONE INTERVIEW THEY DID ON THAT ONE CLUB ON THE LATE NIGHT SHOW WITH SHIN’ICHI HATORI?!”

Kageyamas booming voice rang through the gym as he pointed at (y/n) with wide eyes. Everyone’s gaze went from (y/n) to Kageyama, who was frozen in place. Even (y/n) was a tad bit confused.

The club he worked at recently had a special done on TV, and (y/n) was only in the background. He didn’t know how this...boy recognized him from that, or why he was even watching the drag special on that show in the first place.

“...yeah...yeah I am,” (y/n) smiled awkwardly and a boy with blond hair and glasses chuckled from somewhere in the gym.

The boy, with another guy with dark-green hair, walked out from the storage closet aswell. “Who knew the king was into that kind of stuff? Drag queens? No disrespect, ma’am-sir.”

Kageyama seemed to unfreeze just to glare at Tsukishima with a flushed face. “I-IM NOT! MY STUPID SISTERS JUST A BIG FAN, IS ALL!“

Kageyama turned to (y/n), and marched scarily fast towards him. He stopped abruptly and bowed his head so far it made (y/n) take a step back.

“M-MAY I HAVE AN AUTOGRAPH FOR MY SISTER?! AN-AND MAYBE A PHOTO TOO?!” Kageyama stiffly held his arms to his sides as he kept his head down. Small chuckles and snorts sounded from all around the gym, (y/n) even joining in and patting the black haired boys head.

“Sure thing, doll.”

————

“Your team was nicer than I thought.”

Daichi looked up questionably, fastening his seatbelt. (Y/n) started up his car. “What do you mean, nicer?”

“Well-I thought they were gonna be a bunch of meatheads banging their heads together. They’re actually more interesting than I thought they were going to be. Especially that Kageyama guy.”

Daichi smiled contently. “I’m glad you like them, then.”

A comfortable silence breezed by them, the only sounds audible being the hum of the car engine and the soft tapping of Daichis nails against the armrest. Daichi stole a glance at (y/n). His wig was discarded, placed neatly on the backseat with the wig cap and hairpins resting underneath it, and his hair was slightly damp and messy due to being constricted. His lipstick was a bit smeared from when he kissed him on the cheek, and droplets of sweat gathered near his hairline.

Daichi set his fingers lightly on the spot where the lipstick mark sat, caressing it softly so the lipstick wouldn’t smear more that it already has. He exhaled softly and shifted his gaze back down. He wouldn’t mind if he came to his practice again.

“...so wanna come to my show tonight, Daikkun?”

“It’s at 2am, no.”

—————

Extra:

Kageyama: miwa.

Kageyama: MIWA.

Miwa sighed and checked her phone, sliently scolding her brother for bothering her. She stretched and rubbed her eyes. She swore, if Tobio wanted a ride home from practice...

Miwa: mm

Kageyama: -photo sent-

Miwa: DUDE

Miwa: AJDJSKDKF

Miwa: HOW THE FUCK

Miwa: TELL ME YOU GOT QUIMCHIS AUTOGRAPH DJFJDJE

Kageyama: -photo sent-

Kageyama: I DID. I GOT ONE FOR U AND ONE FOR ME

Kageyama: HE WAS SO TALL TOO

Kageyama: LIKE HE WAS A HALF FOOT TALLER THAN ME EVEN WITHOUT THE HEELS

Miwa: WHY WAS HE AT UR PRACTICE WHSHD

Kageyama: apparently he’s dating my captain

Miwa: WHAT RHE FUCKCIDNEBRJ

——————

[relaxxattack]

me: *is about to go to sleep* *sees the ran and jackie classpect post* *rises from my bed and looks at the notes i have* well if i must <3 (warning this is long as hell im sorry KXNSKBS i spent. two hours on this. it is 2am in my timezone now)

jackie is a breath player through and fucking through. a focus on self satisfaction, finding a quest and going after it, being so focused on the positive that he can see a negative thing happen and go "oh well, thats unfortunate. anyways," (think how he hears that ran probably died and just went "aw i liked him" then just sort of. keeps going anyways. picks one thing to really dedicate himself to it and sticks to it, shows negative reactions when they happen but doesnt dwell on them (whether out of discomfort or something else). basically, jackie is all of tubbos breath influence without any of the space influence. accidentally winning just because he really was just that damn dedicated

classwise, jackie is.. a bit difficult to get a handle on, if only because hes very breath like, but at the same time while he seems unconcerned with the idea of losing ran, he still very much so *wants* ran. its that want of a connection, of even just one person to keep around, that takes away the possibility of jackie being a class that would make him detach himself from others at will. hes not a class that would make him desperate for someone to help him take a certain direction, really he seems to want to take others in the same direction he already chose. he also accepts being tethered to one place/thing, he just wants to have freedom w how he goes about it, and it seems like its been this way for a while. ssoooo i want to say witch of breath. manipulating breath or through breath. strong personalities, friendly but terrifying and a force to be reckoned with, knowing what they want and, if healthy, how to get it. often pulling others along for the ride. generally, jackies a healthy witch of breath. he wants someone to show the same freedom he has, but knows he has limits and tethers and works with them, and ultimately hes not too pressed when he cant get his way fully. generally- jackie knows whats going on and what to do about it, but hed rather have fun with it all and show others how fun it all is too

now. ran. this is unfortunately difficult because ran didnt get as much screentime as was planned. L. anyways aspectwise hes definitely one of the ones that thinks theres not really a meaning to life (think of how he just goes "well this place is going down anyways". he doesnt care what choices are taken, hes already real fuckin sure of the end result. cocky bitch). hes not one about facades or selves, bc its rather clear that his blunt and coolguy attitude is, kind of just him, and he doesnt seem interested in deconstructing how others work, just interested in seeing how events play out. i want to say that ran is either void, time, or doom. void fits rans secrecy and overall "irrelavance" (in the sense that he doesnt seem to have contributed anything, not really), but void players are more angsty about how things dont matter rather than accepting it. which leaves time and doom. ultimately, id say time. doom players arent cocky in the right way </3. also just, yknow, the whole possible time traveler ran thing, the drama, the bluntness, internalization, the end of things, fake deep metaphors, etc etc. does mean that there really has to be a focus on the right class to truly pin him down, because most classes when paired with time are more emotional than ran is

so.. rans class. after a lot of deliberation, my main two thoughts are either a maid or a page. however, page means that before the pit, ran didnt have a good grasp on his aspect and after a long while of self awareness training does now, while maid means that either before or during the pit he relies on others to define his aspect. either way, he has a good grasp on it, but its clear that hes not letting himself really be free with it. this is why i want to say maid, because pages are sort of like starting with a disadvantage and just continuing with it even though you could probably fix it if you really tried, but youd rather just focus on what you have and being the best at it. maids are about growing into what you could have. doing what theyre expected at first and getting their aspect from somewhere else. they dont like being passive, but its what gets them the best results, right? but what defines a maid is getting out of that stage, of standing up for themself and defining their aspect for themselves and getting it by themselves, stubborn and becoming powerful and often terrifying, almost more than a witch if they do it correctly. so, basically, rans an aradia kinnie, hes just in his aradiabot phase right now. if he let himself get past that stage though, i think hed be happy

so basic summary: jackie understands that he has limits and tethers and focuses on what freedom he does has, and wants to have someone to experience that freedom with, and is a witch of breath. ran is leaning into the whole "its all hopeless anyways" because those that he relies on define it as such, but he has the potential to be happy and reach his full potential if he just lets himself choose his own path for once (and one thats not unhealthy), and is a maid of time. ultimately its why they work well together, once jackie gets ran to choose to be free with him, theyll both be happy. jackies already at his full potential, and has the power to get ran to choose to reach his full potential as well. bada bing bada boom baby really shows how much absolute Bullshit goes into classpecting because with fuckin classpecting terms you really can squeeze the hell out of characters with 1-2 sentence blurbs of characterization at most. white boys have ruined my life, zayne -🎭🎪

OH MY FUCKING GOD DUDE THIS IS SO GOOD

i will actually be stealing all of this for the fic, thank you so much oh my god. this is pretty much the only real good ran and jackie analysis to exist, im going to fucking scream and cry this is awesome

i hope you have SUCH a good sleep you deserve it

wow i cant express how thankful i am for this

(i find it really interesting that both ran and jackie seem to have an end-of-the-world-nothing-matters mindset, but different ways of going about that... genuinely can’t wait to explore that and then let them naturally develop, because hell yeah dude)

[sixstepsaway]

Parents being shitty about pets seems to be a common trend, Im sorry you have to deal with all of this! Your dad agreeing to dogsit when he's not going to be doing any of the work and he knows he's got ducks at home is??? A new level of dad bullshit??? What's wrong with him. Pets are so much work when you actually care about their wellbeing instead of thinking of them as living toys that move around your house that you just need to feed, and yet. That last one is the vibe of anyone over 40 with kids I've met in my life and I'm like "aah this explains so much about how you parent too now that I think about it".

6 ducks sounds like hell on earth during mating season honestly, specially if they're pets and not farm animals. I love birds but they're all in for doing horrible things to each other by human standars lol

For my birthday six years ago my parents got me an amazon parrot without consulting me first and Im still like : / this was shitty of them absolutely no thought put into consequences. Like I love this bird! I like keeping birds! I had a lovebird at the time that sadly died a year later bc of an egg she couldn't lay, I dont remember what that's called in english. The amazon parrot hated her (they're pretty aggro to other birds) so I spent that year trying to find a balance between taking care of both of them, it was Hell. He's sweet enough to the other people in the household (it took. So much work to pull this off. Why would they buy a bird then not respect that he's not a dog and cant be socialized like one) and he tolerates me doing nearly whatever to him bc Im his favorite but other pets? People who don't live with us? He wants them Away From Him and if they ignore his warnings he also wants them Dead by his own beak

Parrots are so fucking high maintenance (in time effort and money) that while there's only one of him, I'm still essentially trapped at home until I save up enough to buy a house myself, and only if I keep doing work from home (which I can do, Im in tech), bc they need either your full attention or multiple people handling them to make up for not having 20 birds, and you cannot have one of these in an apartment lol he's loud as hell. Tbf this does line up with what I vaguely wanted out of life 6 years ago, like buying a house in the country and becoming an old hermit witch, and I get along with my parents so living at home isn't that bad but. Would have liked it to be a choice you know? That I could have chosen to try living on my own before I hit 40 and commiting to a house if I wanted to? I wanted to have cats and now this is fully off the table forever

Also there's like one vet that knows birds in this entire city so the idea of the parrot getting sick is so anxiety inducing. And his life expectancy is about 60 years so either he outlives me or I get him killed by mistake which are both bad options for how his life ends. It's like they heard me say I dont want kids and then they got me a very sharp feathery forever toddler that loves any idea that leads directly to his death, like trying to chew wiring or fight the dog bc the kibble is obviously for him. Like I love him but it feels like my entire life revolves around meeting his needs and he's never going to stop depending on me

okay, trying this again with an extension that can recover lost text this time :) since my tab refreshed mid-reply last time.

oh it doesnt do tumblr. nice. okay, whatever. i'll just save this as a draft every 5 minutes. manual autosave, what a conundrum.

putting this under a read more since i assume it will get lengthy again and this will make it more avoidable

Parents being shitty about pets seems to be a common trend, Im sorry you have to deal with all of this! Your dad agreeing to dogsit when he's not going to be doing any of the work and he knows he's got ducks at home is??? A new level of dad bullshit??? What's wrong with him.

the short answer is 66 years of undiagnosed ADHD. the long answer is: so fucking much.

a few things he's done to me over the years, truncated as much as possible to avoid trauma dumping:

shouted at me that i was "being obnoxious" during a fight, left, then came back 40 minutes later and banned me from my chat room (my only social contact at that point in my life) for a week for calling him obnoxious (✨ i did not ✨)

convinced me to watch firefly with him at 11-ish years old and then used my agreeing to watch seven episodes to make me watch tv with him every single night for the next god knows how many years, including, but not limited to, all the star treks (except enterprise, he got bored), buffy, angel, the x files (which at the time i hated because i couldnt work out what they were saying and it was too dark to see), the wire, and babylon 5 (which I loved)

decided then that saturdays were movie nights, despite me hating movies (less so these days)

flipped his entire shit when i told him i couldnt go watch tv with him one night because my best friend was suicidal and i couldnt leave her. declared if we didnt go in there and watch tv then we "never will again!" and so i said "okay" and we never did again

threatened to divorce my mom a week later over a period of a hellish four days because he said she'd 'slapped him in the face' by playing Crazy Taxi with me for 10 minutes before the time we used to watch tv (it wasnt even the time we watched tv)

stopped talking to me for 2-3 months literally last year because i couldn't help him with his headphones. he'd literally walk out of any room i was in, ignore me to the point he didnt even acknowledge when i spoke, and made my life an absolute hell of hurt feelings because holy fucking shit

assorted events of "you told me no so i am going to be angry until tomorrow and make it your problem" and "you disagreed with me so now i'm storming out because fuck you" and "something outside of you made me mad so i'm taking it out on you" which. egh. i was also trapped with my PC in the same room as his until i turned 27 and built my own damn PC up here

We also had a dog when I was... 12? 11? He was running down the middle of the street unattended and when no one claimed him as a stray we ended up keeping him for the rest of his (nicely long) life. He had so much anxiety I cannot overstate it. He was terrified of walks, of baths, of people, of not being near people, of separation, of leaving the house, of everything.

My dad tried to walk him a few times and when he wasn't instantly obedient my dad stopped trying. He drove us all out to the park once, and when the dog freaked out and wouldn't stop barking, he punished the dog (AND MY MOM AND I) by making us all go home, no matter how mom and I felt about it. He never took the dog out again.

He's completely unreliable too. The dog we're sitting is named Jess (yes, I know, but Jess isn't my birth name so they don't know how fucking funny it is that I have to go "Jess!" to call a dog to me, or how funny it is to listen to them speak to said dog) and last time she stayed (last September) she spent most of her time up here with me. When my dad would start yelling at his PC, she'd just come up here and sit near me (I am quiet and peaceful and I don't rant and rave very often, if at all). She ended up sleeping the nights on my bed, which was lovely, and he knew this.

I woke up midday the one day to hear, "What do you think you're doing? Get down those stairs! How dare you! How dare you! Get down those stairs!" and him charging off to rant at my mom that Jess had come upstairs (??) and wouldn't listen when he gave her directly contradictory orders.

Absolutely toxic. He used to do things like this to our dog too.

On top of that, he's utterly irresponsible. All the ducks were out and about on the floor the other morning and he decided he wanted to recharge his car battery, so he opened the front door and left it open, which left my mom and I to herd the ducks home quickly so they wouldn't run outside.

It made me shake with rage, I am not kidding.

[saves this, lmao]

When he stopped talking to me for literal months, he made my mom so ill with his behavior and eventually she just snapped and refused to tolerate it. Told him straight up she wasn't participating in his childish behavior and has actually been much better since this because she doesn't put up with his shit nearly as much.

I'm also not putting up with his shit as much, because, well, I've already experienced Worst Case Scenario... what do I have to lose?

We're getting along better now because of it, I think. He knows that not even not talking to me will make me cowtow and apologize for something I didn't need to apologize for.

(maybe this is why I'm so defensive of Izzy as well? Ed's response to him was not proportional and nor was my dad's to me! Even if I'd gone, "oh my god dad fuck off i'm not helping you with your fucking headphone issue jesus" (which I did not, by the way, I said two things: "I can't because my bluetooth won't work properly on my headphones [which you want to borrow] and I can only hook it up to my phone rn because of it" and "I really do not want you to send my headphones back as I am fine with what I have and I put stickers on my headphones, so I don't want to lose those") being cut off for 2+ months was not proportional punishment and was utterly ridiculous and overblown and it makes me go "the fuck?" when people say izzy deserved his overblown punishment)

When he finally started talking to me again he didn't apologize or anything btw. He'd received an email from Psych UK about his ADHD screening and needed a form filled in by a friend or family member and needed me to do it. He told mom about it and was all upsetti because I wasn't ~involved~ anymore (I'm the one that told him he has ADHD, I'm the one that pushed for the diagnosis for both of us etc, I spearheaded and supported him through the whole thing) and I told mom I'd do the form, just give me the link I needed, and I did. It was important. And also I am a sucker.

He came upstairs, thanked me for doing the form and acted as though he hadn't been ignoring my very existence for multiple months. He never apologized, he just snapped back to normal like that was acceptable behavior!!

[saves again and glares at tumblr]

Pets are so much work when you actually care about their wellbeing instead of thinking of them as living toys that move around your house that you just need to feed, and yet. That last one is the vibe of anyone over 40 with kids I've met in my life and I'm like "aah this explains so much about how you parent too now that I think about it".

Before this, I used to refer to myself as his dopamine dispenser. He'd want to play me music or show me clips or whatever because it made him Happy or whatever. He's learned after this not to take my attention for granted: I don't have to give it to him. What's he gonna do? Stop talking to me again? Fuck off then. His damn loss.

We're getting along a lot better these days, actually, so there's that, and mom is still in "fuck you" mode lmao. But he's still awful and irresponsible and does things like agreeing for us to dogsit when we have six ducks, one of which is highly traumatized from the older duck's behavior and lashes out and hurts the other ducks as a stress response.

Six ducks is so lovely when it isn't mating season yeah. Lapis (a drake but we thought she was a hen so here we are) spends all her time trying to mount and stuff the other ducks and they keep getting hurt and now we have to keep them separated until she calms her tits, which is fine except guess who doesn't always separate them? Dad. He just lets it happen because he thinks we're causing her distress by not letting her run roughshod over all the other ducks. His basic thought process seems to be "Lapis is a boy and thusly should be allowed to fuck anything desired, regardless of hurting them, injuring them, traumatizing them or drowning them" which she nearly did to Shadow the one day and he would not separate them.

I love birds but they're all in for doing horrible things to each other by human standars lol

the sheer amount of ducky gang bangs i have now been witness to cannot be overstated.

For my birthday six years ago my parents got me an amazon parrot without consulting me first and Im still like : / this was shitty of them absolutely no thought put into consequences.

Pets should never be surprise presents. Never. It's irresponsible to thrust a little life into someone's arms like, "Surprise! A gift!"

Lovebirds are so cute, I'm so sorry for your loss. In English we call what you described 'egg binding', and it gives me a lot of stress and anxiety in regards to our own birds. I worry about them a lot.

I just (having already replied to this once lol) realized they got you the parrot while you already had a pet bird? What the hell? That's awful decision making!!! Having a new pet should always, always be the owner's choice to make, not something thrust on them, especially when they already have a pet!

I didn't know parrots were so high maintenance, or that they were so grumpy towards other people. I'm sorry you're stuck because of him. I know how it feels to feel stuck despite loving the little creature that's sticking you; it sucks. It really sucks.

Would have liked it to be a choice you know? That I could have chosen to try living on my own before I hit 40 and commiting to a house if I wanted to? I wanted to have cats and now this is fully off the table forever

Yeah, I get that entirely. I've been wanting to get out of this house for literally years, but my health has been so poor I've been unable to get a job (my resume is...not great), let alone hold one down if I managed. Now I'm doing better, I don't feel great about leaving the ducklings, and I definitely can't leave the clingy older duck I've convinced to trust and love me.

Also there's like one vet that knows birds in this entire city so the idea of the parrot getting sick is so anxiety inducing.

god yeah. We've had some horrible experiences with vets for our ducks in the past, because normal vets don't have a fucking clue how to treat birds and don't tend to say that! I ended up looking up specifically avian vets (and found a parrot website listing avian vets) and I found a really highly rated avian vet 20 minutes from me. I've never felt so relieved in my life.

And his life expectancy is about 60 years so either he outlives me or I get him killed by mistake which are both bad options for how his life ends.

Yep. I don't have the extent of 60 years, but my ducks will hopefully live 10 years or so, unless we get them killed somehow. I don't want the latter, but if I continue to feel I can't leave them? That means another decade in this house, living in this shoebox bedroom I've long since outgrown.

It's like they heard me say I dont want kids and then they got me a very sharp feathery forever toddler that loves any idea that leads directly to his death, like trying to chew wiring or fight the dog bc the kibble is obviously for him. Like I love him but it feels like my entire life revolves around meeting his needs and he's never going to stop depending on me

I am so sorry they did that to you. I really, truly am. I hope you find a way one day to strike some kind of balance so you don't have to revolve your entire life around him, but even if you can't, I hope you manage to be fulfilled and happy either way :(

It really, really sucks when you love what equates to basically being an anchor.

[brelione]

The Countertop (Topper,Rafe,Kelce X Reader)

The Best Boys Masterlist

When Rafe got the text he was in the bathroom of the yacht,blood coming from his nose as he stuffed the small bag of white powder back into the pocket of his khakis.He heard the ding,looking over to check the notification.He felt his heart drop,regretting the line he just did. 

“Panic attack,(Y/N)’s house.”Was all the text said.Topper had sent it to the group chat with him,Kelce and Rafe.Rafe cursed,looking up in the mirror at his bloodshot,dilated eyes.He certainly couldnt help you,not when he was like this.He pinched his nose for a moment or two,letting it drip into the sink before he rinsed it down the drain,leaving the bathroom and putting his phone in his pocket.

He looked around at the groups of people,eventually finding Wheezie and gripping her shoulders. “I need you to cover for me.”He told her,completely serious.She frowned,looking over at Ward. “Where are you going?”She asked.He sighed,looking over the side of the huge boat to look at the Jet Ski that was tied by a thin rope. “(Y/N) needs help.”Was all he said,quickly thanking her before running down the flights of stairs to get to the lowest floor,gripping onto the railing and getting onto the jetski.

He tucked his phone into the pocket of his shirt,ripping the rope before gliding through the water as fast as possible,guessing on how to get to your house.He knew how to get to his house,at least.So thats where he ended up.He got onto his own dock,sprinting around the front of his house and getting into his truck,going way too far over the speed limit.

He pulled into your driveway,slamming on the brakes so he wouldnt crash into your garage.His door was opened before the truck was even parked,seeing Kelce’s car parked on the sidewalk.Rafe burst through your door,heart aching when he saw you sobbing,Kelce trying to talk to you while Topper rubbed your bare back. “What the hell happened?”He asked,not even understanding the situation.

You opened your mouth,trying to talk but only a sob came out,Topper pulling you back to him and tracing shapes along yout arm,whispering sweet nothings to you to try and help.He sent a glance towards Rafe,shaking his head.Rafe closed the door,sitting on the arm of the couch,slowly stealing you away from Topper and moving onto the couch,letting you squeeze him as tight as you needed too and he could feel your shallow breaths through his shirt.

Kelce was watching you,watching as the tears stopped falling,your eyes puffy and your bottom lip trembling.Rafe felt your grip on him becoming less tight,too weak to do squeeze him.He didnt move his arm away from you,knowing that if you were ready to let go you would push away from him. “What’s going on,princess?”He asked softly,careful to make sure his voice didnt come out harsh or shaky.

You gulped,licking you lips that tasted like salt and metal. “I hate my mom.”Was all you could say,your voice cracking.He nodded,kissing your forehead. “I know,baby.I know.”He answered,taking in a big breath.You huffed,pulling away from him,wiping your eyes with the back of your hands. “So how are you guys?”You asked,struggling not to cry again.

Kelce grinned slightly,squeezing your hand. “Im good,sweetheart.Do you want to talk about whats happening with your mom or do you want to be distracted by it?”He asked,tapping at your knuckles.You shrugged,feeling more sick than anything. “Okay,well why dont we go out to the pool so you can cool off then?”He suggested.You nodded,not fully away from Rafe yet.

Something was off with him.His hair looked like he had been pulling at it and he was more tense than usual,seeming like he was holding something back. “Um...you and Top have bathing suits upstairs.”You mumbled,your hand gripping the fabric of Rafe’s shirt.Topper nodded,tapping your ankle before he got up,Kelce giving you a small smile before going upstairs as well.You pulled away from Rafe,feeling your legs becoming tingly and your heart speed up,eyes watery. 

“Are you high right now?”You asked,a few tears sliding down your cheeks.He swallowed,looking away from you,eyes widening as he realised that he had just given himself away. “Rafe-you drove here high?”You asked,your voice high,eyes stinging.He nodded,not able to look back at you. 

“Jesus Christ-are you crazy?You couldve crashed or died or killed someone!I cant lose you-I cant fucking do it and mom is fucking gone and-and if I lose you what the fuck am I supposed to do?I dont understand why-I dont understand why you cant just-fuck.”You sniffled,trying to figure out what you were going to say.He looked up at you,feeling a lump in his throat. 

“You needed me here so I did what i had to do.”He answered,reaching for your hand only for you to pull away from him. “I hate you.”You mumbled,sniffing.His jaw dropped,a wave of nausea hitting him. “You cant mean that.”He whispered.Of course you didnt mean that.You could never hate Rafe even if you really wanted too. “You might fucking overdose or something.”You whispered,wanting nothing more than to cup his face and kiss him,tell him all your thoughts and twirl his fingers in your hair.

He shook his head,glancing over at the staircase every couple of seconds. “I wont,I wont.I dont do that much.”As the words came from his mouth he realised just how bad they sounded. “Bullshit.What happened in my bathroom then?That looked like a lot to me.”You took in a big breath,trying not to let yourself spiral again.

He just stared at you,hearing the other boys coming down the stairs. “We can talk about this later,okay?”He asked,leaning forward slightly.You nodded,looking over to see Topper and Kelce in their blue and grey bathing suits.Kelce stared at Rafe,silently telling him to go get changed.Rafe nodded,prying his eyes off of you and getting off the couch,heading upstairs.

Kelce sat down across from you where Rafe had previously been,his hands in his lap. “Do you need an ibuprofen or a hug?”He asked.You swallowed,leaning forward and resting your head against him,your arms around his bare shoulders. “THis sucks.”You mumbled,closing your eyes.He nodded,running his pointer finger along your spine. “I know,I know.Things will get better though.”He answered,his hands holding both sides of your head as he placed a kiss against your hairline.

You got up eventually,going upstairs to your room to grab a bathing suit,colliding your fist against the wood out of anger.Anger towards your mom,anger towards yourself,anger towards Rafe’s addiction.Rafe stood in the door way,confused as to what the loud bang he had heard was.You didnt notice him,throwing the clothes from your drawers all over the room,smacking the top of your dresser,your jaw clenching.

You brought your arm back to punch the wood again,only for someone to grab your arm,spin you around and push you against your dresser. “You have to calm down.”He whispered,holding tight on your wrists.You avoided eye contact,glancing down at his bare chest. “I am calm.”You replied,pushing him away as you went to find the one peice bathing suit that you had thrown across the floor.

He was just glad that you werent as bad now as you had been the last time he watched you get like this.You had started to punch yourself in the thighs and ankles until they were bruising.He had to pin your hands on top of your head and beg you to calm down.It had scared the living shit out of him.He probably couldve handled it better but Kelce wasnt there to talk to you which left just him to take care of things.

You finally found the black sim suit,not even caring at this point,tearing off your pants and kicking them into the corner.Rafe bit his lip,forcing himself to turn around.He heard the straps of the bathing suit smack against your shoulder,walking up next to him to grab a tshirt from your drawer and pull it on over the bathing suit,leaving your room and not bothering to clean up the mess that you had made.

He looked around your room,deciding he could just clean it up for you later.He followed behind you,noticing that the boys had already gone out to the pool. “Hey,lets talk.”He spoke,stopping you as you walked through the kitchen. “What?What do you want to talk about?”You asked,leaning against the kitchen counter.He sighed,his hands on the marble countertop o either side of you,staring down at you.

 “Whatever you want.I’ll answer whatever you want me to.”He replied.You nodded,thinking of everything you wanted to know.  “Whatever I want?”You asked.He nodded.“Have you….god,I dont know.Have you ever like….hurt someone when you were high?”You asked,knowing the answer when he started to bite the inside of his cheek. “Yeah,I have.I’d never hurt you though,if thats what your asking.”His hands tightened around the marble,watching as you bit your lip.

 “What about Top and Kelce?Have they ever done drugs?”You asked,nearly gasping when you saw him nod. “Did you make them do it?”You asked,dreading the answer. “I didnt force them to do it...Kelce only did it once and he only did one line.Top did three a couple months back.”Rafe answered,being as honest as he could with you. 

“When did it get this bad?You used to only do one line a week and now you’re doing like,a line a day.”You instinctively sat on the countertop,barely any space between you two.He cleared his throat,not knowing what to say because he didnt want to send you back into panic. “I know,im trying to get better.I’ve never done it in your house,like ever.You know that.”He reminded you,keeping his distance.

He figured that if he touched you at all you’d become insecure or angry,swat his hand away and probably begin to cry again. “Im not mad at you,you know that,right?”You asked,feeling your nose start to run again.You quickly pulled up your shirt,pinching your nose with the fabric.He nodded,tapping his short finger nials on the marble counter.The conversation went on for probably five minutes before the big question came,the one that you had been dreading.

 “Do you have any on you right now?”You asked,not even caring at this point.When the conversation began and you hadnt been shocked by any of his answers you probably wouldve been upset when he nodded.You werent upset,or shocked or even mad.Just numb. “I thought you were out on the boat,”You saw him frown,not understanding where you were going with this. “So how did you drive here?”You asked.He simply shrugged his shoulders,staring down at his feet.

 “I jumped off the side and got on the jet ski.”He answered,making you smile slightly. “You got onto the jetski and then drove over here?”You asked,your hand sliding down his arm and your fingers intertwining with his.He became less tense,his other hand no longer gripping the marble so hard that his fingertips were turning purple. “Yeah,I just peaced out.”He laughed quietly,his forehead resting onto your collarbone.You licked your lips,legs wrapping around his waist comfortably.

If only you knew the things that he felt within him when you did that. “Hey,”You mumbled,making him pick up his head a bit. “Do you….do you remember when you kissed me?”You asked,feeling him tense under you,his head moving off of your collarbone,staring down at you. 

“Yeah.”He answered.You nodded,hands ending up in your lap. “Did you tell Kelce?”You asked,not even understanding why you had asked that.Kelce had always been extremely important to you.He was the one person you could trust with your insecurities or ask him for coping mechanisms.Now you were starting to wonder if maybe you had a thing for Kelce.

Everyone was making you question your feelings and your sanity. “I mean,I kind of had too.You know how he is,he figures shit out by body language and he knows when something is going on.I dont even know,hes the only one that ever payed attention to Criminal Minds,im not even gonna lie to you.”he replied,biting his lip as he waited for your reaction,only to hear the sliding door open.

His head whipped around,seeing Kelce standing there with water dripping from him. “Are you guys okay?Its been like ten minutes since you’ve changed.”Kelce looked over at you,more specifically the position you were in with Rafe practically on top of you. 

“Yeah,yeah we’re fine.I was just talking about life.”You slowly got off the counter,flicking at Rafe’s thigh as you slid past him and walked by Kelce,going to sit in the shallow end of the pool.Kelce watched you,positive you couldnt hear as he entered the house,closing the sliding door and glaring at Rafe. “Did you say something to her?”He asked.

Rafe shook his head,attempting to walk past him only for Kelce to put a hand on his shoulder and hold him in place. “Why does she look more upset than she was ten minutes ago?”He asked,pushing further. “Because she found out that im high and got mad about it.We talked it out and now everything is fine,okay?”Rafe nodded a bit,sliding the door and walking out of the house,Kelce sighing.

Things were getting messy and he was always the one to hold things together.But now he wasnt even sure if he wanted to do that anymore.He stood in your house for a couple more minutes,finally putting a smile on his face and walking back out,seeing Topper kneeling in front of you and splashing water into your face.

You were squealing at the cold water,grabbing Topper by his wrists and pushing him back into the water,his hair becoming soaked and sticking to his forehead. “YOU BITCH!”Topper shouted,throwing you over his shoulder and running through the water and into the deep end,your legs wrapping around him tight so he’d go down with you.

Rafe grinned at your laughing,you rubbing your eyes and slicking your hair back out of your face.Kelce was tense,trying to soften up again but between Rafe’s smirk as he watched you,Topper holding you and the face that so much was happening was making him a bit mad.He stuck his feet in the pool,not paying attention to much except for the clouds that were moving at sloths pace.

He felt two warm hands wrap around his shins,trying to drag him into the water.He grinned,kicking his feet and forcing you to let go. “You’re no fun.”You pouted,elbows on his thighs as you stared up at your friend.He grinned,shrugging at he ringed the water from your hair. “You seem like you’re in a mood,whats up?”You asked,ignoring Rafe’s stare. “I dunno,kind of just stressed.”He answered,holding onto your hands as he moved his feet in circles underwater.

 “Did you eat today?”You deepened your voice,grinning as he flicked you on the head. “Shut up.”He smiled,licking his lips. “Do you want to have a movie night tonight?I kind of just want to forget about things,you know?”You asked,tapping your fingers on his chest.He nodded,agreeing. “What movie do you want to watch?”He asked,helping you out of the pool so you could sit next to him.

 “I dont know,maybe a horror movie.I feel like it’ll get my mind off of reality.”You replied,squinting as the sunlight hit your eyes,not aware of the silver car that had just pulled into your driveway,someone walking right into your house as you sat at the pool with your friends.

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