#when stressed and cornered
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properly working on a character that mostly existed inside my head. i'm naming it sureau (elderflower)
#creature#blood#gore#injury#guts#ask to tag#myart#oc#sureau#unfortunately it mostly exists to suffer#and look pensive#i think its mane is cloud-like when it is fine and calm#and becomes a bit more tentacle-like when sureau is wounded stressed or some level of not calm#the eyes and ears follow no rule they appear when it pleases me to draw them#im finally taking care of it/him/them/? mostly because artfight is around the corner#i don't know if i'll have any time to draw but i can at least prepare and see how it goes#plus i DO have some stress to get rid of so sureau will suffer some more! catharsis creature
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yes, yes i know edgeworth’s big wet eyes and loser boy personality have captivated us all, but listen. listen.
phoenix wright
phoenix “genuinely unable to reconcile the girl on the stand with the girl he dated for eight months, a cognitive dissonance so profound it’s ultimately explained by them being literally two different people, but which he first sits with for five years and does not talk about at any point to anyone” wright
phoenix “don’t mention that name to me. i don’t want to talk about it. i don’t want to think about it. i am just going to keep myself in this state of perpetual crisis mode focus on other people’s problems until eventually i die and get to hang out with mia on the astral plane and never have to deal with any of these emotions ever again” wright
phoenix “overnight loses his career and reputation and sense of identity while gaining an adopted, probably pretty traumatized eight-year-old daughter, and rather than leaning on his friends for help, or getting therapy, or taking any time to process any of this, he *checks notes* spends seven years dedicating all his free time and energy to investigating the weird fucking circumstances around it and maintains a friendship with the guy he suspects was behind it all” wright
phoenix "runs across a burning bridge and falls through it, half a day after the game establishes that he is terrified of heights, because his friend is on the other side of that bridge" wright
phoenix “i sure felt surprised. maybe i had my poker face on” wright
phoenix “looking back on it that was actually a pretty dark period in my life” wright
phoenix “don’t ask me how i got started. i don’t remember” wright
phoenix “only you stood still, your eyes calmly watching” wright
phoenix “sometimes, life just sucks” wright
just
phoenix wright
crunchiest man in the world
and all i wanna do is chew and chew and chew on him
#ace attorney#where are all the people gnawing on phoenix's bones so white??#i need to find the phoenix bone-gnawing corner of this fandom PLEASE#this is me asking for the Phoenix Fic btw#where is the fic meditating on phoenix's whole mental state in general?#where is the fic about how it's phoenix's cageyness and poker face and flat affect under stress that is the hurdle?#the relationship ramifications of being actually really fucking hard to read when it comes down to it?#where is the fic about the week of his disbarment?#the one detailing the panicked blow by blow of it rippling through his social circle while he stands in the eye of the storm?#the one that ends messy and anxious and unresolved because it's week 1 of 7 years?#where is the birth of phoenix wright: poker legend fic?#where is the art school/theatre major phoenix fic?#no not the able to art/act phoenix fic but the kind of person who chooses to go to art school/study theatre phoenix fic#where is the supremely disinterested in pop culture phoenix fic?#where is the actually incredibly meticulous and competent phoenix fic?#capcom can tell me all they want that he's essentially an adhd disaster flying by the seat of his pants making it all up as he goes#but that's not what they're actually showing me#they're the ones who created an in-fiction legal system that functionally necessitates that#and the nature of the game is that phoenix is almost always proven right so rather than him coming off as hare-brained#his opponents rather just come off as short-sighted. either negligently or maliciously so#and the choices the writing makes in service of retaining mystery and audience suspense in fact function to make phoenix a person#who is astute and puts the pieces together but is cautious in his conclusions#i will grant them that phoenix does tend to lose sight of his overarching goal in getting drawn into proving or disproving minor points#the fact that edgeworth on the other hand never loses sight of this or where the various arguments stand in relation to it#is his sexiest trait as a character by far#but those minor points are actually functionally critical to the ultimate argument phoenix makes#so even though i do read that trait through the game mechanics i do also judge the other characters for being dicks about it#my point is phoenix wright does in fact have the character of a lawyer and is conventionally good at his job fucking fight me#my point is that you all have had 20 goddamn years to Rotate this man#my POINT is that there should be Intricate Fucked Up Meditations On Phoenix that rewire my fucking brain and i NEED to know where they are!
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growing up with a perpetually anxious primary caregiver is such a mindfuck. that shit will rewire your nervous system
#not a shitpost#i get that parenthood and modern life in general is extremely anxiety inducing#and that anxiety is a common mental health issue and anxiety disorders exist and do not disqualify you from being a loving parent#but i am begging you PLEASE do not project your anxiety onto your kids#especially younger kids#your job is to make your kids feel safe and secure. that is a primary requirement#that doesn't mean you can't be anxious!#but just like being angry doesn't mean you're allowed to yell at your kids or slam doors or break things#being anxious doesn't mean you are allowed to surround your kids with your own fear and stress or teach them to share your anxieties#your job is to be a comforting nurturing parental figure. that means projecting comfort and love#even when it is hard! even when you are tired or angry or scared!#which is a damn hard job! and you won't get it right all the time!#but dammit babes you gotta TRY#kids deserve to feel safe and comfortable in their daily lives#you CANNOT be teaching them to expect catastrophe lurking around every corner
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#kirby#plushies#kirbear#cake#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#this is directly referenced from an actual photo of my room#I had to add in cake and kirbear even though the bears they're based on weren't visible in the photo!#(they are directly based off bears I do have tho)#I'm very sick and it's upsetting and stressful and I do have many stuffed animals but I think I deserve another one.#since my wife is out of town for work for the next few years I get to fill her side of the bed with stuffed animals :)#(they're also like. legitimately good for my health. I can prop myself up more comfortably without hurting my joints.)#(it's the only way I can sleep when it gets really bad is draped over that giant orange squid I made.)#(I have more than what's pictured here ofc this is only one corner of my room/bed lol)#favorites
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Peoples will drive you into a corner and then call you problematic and crazy for the consequence of their actions towards you 💔
#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#bnha#mha#dabi#touya todoroki#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#himiko toga#bnha season 7#mha season 7#it will never not piss me off how some peoples lack accountability and blame everything on others#what are you blaming and screaming at a kid for your negligence and dismissing behavior towards them???#firmly convinced that kotaro enji and the himiko’s are psychopaths ngl… like… IT WAS NEVER THET DEEP YOU WEIRDOS?????#so self-centered and egotistical that they didn’t gave a damn that their toxic and egotistical behavior could hurt their kids ☠️#life must be super easy when you don’t give a damn about how much your words and actions can hurt others and drive them into a corner#or point of no return like… the type of uncoolest peoples ever can’t stress it enough lol#hands down such a bunch of losers ☠️🙌🏻#aizawa don’t look
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There are many things people expect from one called 'God of Blood'. Always, the first thought is the blood of war, the blood of violence, the blood of the weak shed for the goals of the strong. Ares doesn't think of the blood of battle at all. When he thinks of blood, he envisions the many tied knots of blood bonds and bonds forged in the blood of battle. Blood sons and blood daughters, blood brothers and battle sisters, blood oaths and blood vengeance - he watches over them all and keeps close each one of these bonds.
One cannot begrudge his displeasure then when he realises he cannot tell Leto's offspring apart just by looking at them.
It was easier when it was just Artemis. Dark hair curled about her shoulders, a fierce mien whenever Father summons her to the mountain, a scattering of bones and blood shed whenever she was disturbed; the eldest child of Leto was a wild thing, sharp toothed with sharper claws always at the ready. There's whispers of her being a twin, of her other half being made to crawl on their belly as penance for their sin of god-slaying but Ares pays it little mind. What twins look alike among their number? Even dog litters are born distinct with all their unique markings inlaid in their fur. Artemis' twin too would be much more than their sister's mirror image.
Pouring over his list now, he wishes anything about Phoebus Apollo was that simple.
Mirror image did not begin to describe it. The twins were the same height, the same build, had the same colour and texture hair, ate the same raw food and drank the same amount of nectar. There was no difference in how they dressed, no difference in the company they kept, no variance in the weapons they used. There are some days Ares still cannot believe Phoebus will grow into a man and not some nymph with the way his ears have that slender point. He watches them now, sitting together beneath a shady palm and stringing their bows in an uncanny unison and curses because he still cannot tell them apart. What use is his skill in knowing blood when they both have the same damn blood running through their veins? What bond is there to sense when they are tied so tightly together, Ares can scarcely tell brother from sister?
He sighs. Unadorned and completely alone, the only way to know who is who is to speak to them. He'll have to find more ways to tell them apart from a distance. Surely they cannot stay this similar all the rest of their immortal lives.
#ginger writes#hello and welcome to my 'ares is doing his best' corner#I can't overstate enough how alike Artemis and Apollo are as young gods physically#literally identical twin status which only begins to change as they acquire different domains#I was really happy with the font I got because it very closely resembles what I imagine Ares' handwriting to be like#But I'll gladly add an image description if it's too illegible#That said Ares has an interesting dynamic with the twins#In a lot of ways there's a sense of guilt/wariness surrounding him for Apollo and Artemis#because he knows how much they stress his mother out and he also knows how much Hera doesn't like Leto#But there's also a bit of fascination because Artemis is extremely strong#(in a way that's markedly different from Athena's strength)#while Apollo has all of these crazy stories attached to him from killing Python + his work while exiled#but when he returns he's very placid and calm and almost?? too nice? Definitely nothing like Artemis#in terms of personality#Ares doesn't really trust it until he learns that straight up that's just What Apollo Is Like#That too will change eventually but for now Ares just doesn't want to approach Artemis the way he'd approach Apollo#because he'd get his head caved in with the curved side of a bow#There are precious few encounters Ares has had with Artemis where he hasn't walked away with#at least a few arrow wounds LMAO#He'll eventually be forced to accept that it's Artemis' love language#ares#artemis#apollo#pursuing daybreak posting#writing
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@nowfallc PICTURE!! FOR YOU!! PLEASE TAKE IT!! <3
#agh I’m so so nervous but I’m big and strong and you all agree with me <3#plus it’s nearly 6 in the morning and I pulled an all nighter to finish this. which I’m sure is not helping my stress levels At All!#ALSO!#I’m gonna do another one!#you will NEVER know which picture so get fuckin ready HELLLLLLLLL yeah!!!#<- as for those of you who were Present when I said which picture I was gonna do. ummmmm. shut up! say nothing!!#ALSO…..2!!#wanted to share how I did the scuff marks cuz I felt like it. and also I said I was gonna do it. anyway!#what you wanna do is get a real textured brush. ideally something pencil adjacent#and a mid grey color#and with LIGHT pressure you follow the edges of whatever metal bit you’re rendering#you can go a little heavier on the corners if you desire#from the corners you take a smudge tool and gently blend in the opposite direction of the corner if that makes sense#and then take an eraser (IDEALLY one that’s the same as your rendering brush)#and gently erase back towards the corner. but with a much smaller brush size#add little scratches and pick marks as you please#and that’s it#you know maybe this would make more sense with an actual diagram I’m so so bad at explaining stuff agh#I’m gonna shut the hell up now 🙏#trigun#nicholas d. wolfwood#trigun stampede#trigun fanart
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your fridge-build , original-red-and-purple-oufit magneto showed up in my dream yesterday and i was so unprepared it woke me up
reading this made me cackle for like a solid minute gjAELKGJAK he just wanted to say hi ....
leaving you with a fridge-magnet-sized magneto. so hopefully he can say hi again but less intimidatingly
#fave#i have to fave this i need to be reminded that this happened once in a while this is so funny#xmen#magneto#snap sketches#PLEASSEE THATS SO SILLY JVLKAJLKJ IM SORRY/YOURE WELCOME???#i dont think anyones ever dreamt of my art thats so silly and flattering#what was he doing ... what he just floating in the corner ..... please im still not over this its so funny ...#on that note tho im so bad at remembering dreams i never have them really#i used to have dreams a lot as a kid/teenager but they were mostly- if not all now that i think of it- nightmares#HOWEVER. i will say that like. a lil bit after i rewatched first class for the third time#i got a dream or two one with mcavoy and the other with film charles#the mcavoy dream was just that i met him in greece or something and i think the charles dream was at the school#they were both nice dreams so Am I Complaining absolutely not#just reminds me of the time when i binge watched an actor's movies and i had dreams of him for a whole week#in one of them he was making fun of me but it was in whatever semblance of japanese my brain could bs so it wasnt that bad#but it kinda was cause Since It Was A Dream i understood what he said but anwyays .... not important#THE OTHER DREAMS WERENT BAD THO he was my dad in one. aaand the other uhh.. i forget ...#i must stress me dreaming is such an oddity so these were so like. Oh Yeah Im Capable Of Dreaming JVLKAJK#very weird feeling waking up from a dream is what im tryna say .. i think ...#very funyn .... anyways i hope magneto visits you in your dreams again whether hes built like a semi or like a bug#just for the cosmic comedy of it all
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Danny, on the run from the GIW decides to take shelter in Gotham because if the GIW have any sense they'd never set foot in there.
Even if Batman and the JL agree with thier opinion on ecto entities (as evidenced by their lack of speaking out against the anti-ecto acts) Batman was notoriously territorial and would have issue with a wildly incompetent government organization throwing missiles around his city all willy-nilly.
With that being said it was probably best for Danny to wear a disguise. Sure, they didn't know Fenton and Phantom were the same person yet but Danny Fenton suddenly turning up in Gotham after going missing in Amity is certainly going to raise some eyebrows regardless of the necklace he had that jammed his ecto-signature and made him untrackable.
Danny started off by going blond. Its something he's always wanted to do and now with ghostly shape-shifting powers he doesn't even have to worry about frying his hair or dying his eyebrows to match. After that all he needed to do was part his hair down the middle, add a lip ring or two and maybe a bit of make up.
Danny stared at himself in the mirror. He looked like a completely different person.
A completely different and very attractive person. He looked good. The newly blond man threw on a green jacket and went out to explore the town. He did not expect to literally bump into the Tim Drake. The Wayne adoptee just stood there mouth opening and closing comically. Did he offend him? Crap. He had promised Jazz he would stay off of the radar of the Waynes and the bats specifically and here he was angering one of them.
Danny decided to book it before it became a scene, ignoring the lovestruck Tim's crys for him to wait.
Back at his apartment Danny quickly changed his look to red hair tied back into a two inch low ponytail, green eyes and freckles that unbeknownst to anyone else was made up from the lesser known constellations.
The coffee at this Cafe smelled amazing! Too bad Danny wouldn't get to try it because the next this he knew freaking Red Hood was behind him asking to talk. Our favorite ghost boy wouldn't be embarrassed to admit he let out a small squeek before bolting out the door yelling, "I'm not even a criminal!"
It took Jason a few seconds to process that the guy he had tried to flirt with ran away in terror. Crap.
Day three and four were blissfully Wayne and bat free, though he did find out that Tim Drake and Red Hood were looking for his two false identities. Joy.
Day five he met the stabby Robin who very valiantly beat up two people who had been following him. Danny didn't even notice he was being followed and thanked the bird for saving him. Danny, who was shape-shifted into a very pretty girl at the moment, offered to buy him something to eat as a thank you. "Danielle" insisted and Robin allowed it. Danielle never noticed the slight pink on Damians cheeks as they went over to one of Damians favorite restaurants.
Day seven he had went out as blondie and got confronted by some girl named Barbara. She was nice and managed to convince him to come to a Cafe with her. He told her his name was David and he ran away from his parents with the help of one of his friends family members and that he was Jewish, which was true...except for the David part. He learned that if you wanna keep your story straight keeping to almost truths was your best bet. She in turn told him about Tim and how he's a friend of hers-uh oh- and that he's been looking all over for him.
Danny-David- tells her he's sorry but he didn't mean to offend Tim and doesn't want any trouble before laying down enough money to cover his half of the bill and the tip and booking it out of there
This repeats with most of the family trying to flirt with him or adopt him into the family when he's out as Danny.
Bruce Wayne approached Danny when he was waiting to board an elevator, "Hel-" was all the billionaire could get out before Danny cut him off "Hell no." And then he just got in the elevator and pressed the close doors button and was gone again.
#dp x dc#fanfiction prompts#prompts#danny fenton#danny phantom#batman#tim drake#red robin#yum#jason todd#red hood#barbara gordon#bruce wayne#everyone is either crushing on or trying to adopt danny#danny is oblivious and very stressed#wait till they find out its all the same guy#the chaos#this is gonna be part of someones villain origin story i just know it#danny eventually getting cornered when all the identities consostantly dissappear in the same three block radius aka his apartment#i didnt inted this to be a ship fic#but it can be if so desired
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bro the black is so hideous oh my god But whatever im still figuring out the optimal way to draw him.. maybe ill shade thid more tomorrow im extreme Eveeryday im artblocking so it looks ass I REALLY LIKE THE CHEREN THOUGH not his hands.
anyone remember this Little scuffle before they went yaoi mode
#mod cheren#weekly art#pokemon#pokespe#kuroshipping#trainer cheren#trainer black#ALSO UM i suppose posts should just be on weekends caus elike#one day of delay is not much different when both days are on weekend its like same thing#IDK i stress out over this blog too much compared to what im posting uhmmm#schools a coming............just around the corner....BRO I CANT DO THIS my hhistory teacher is gonna beat me#ME AND who you may know as mod black. HAVE ART TOGETHER you know what that means....#SKORRY I COULDNT FIGURE OUT HOW TO FIX THE BACKGROUND LMAO
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random omegaverse thought:
There must be people who experience specific instinct things with indifference or boredom.
Procreative cycle coming up? "Crap, I've got plans this weekend...stupid skip weeks."
Caught an intriguing scent while walking? "But I need to get to work! Shut up brain."
Had a snap response to a distressed sound? "Who was it?! ...right, it's my day off, I can go back to sleep."
Somebody growled at them? "Kid, I'm not a rival, that's my sibling."
Super cozy cuddle session happening nearby? "I'm gonna pass tonight guys, no social battery left, maybe next time."
Group of friends heading out to flirt and check out other singles? "I'm coming with you but only to make sure you all get home safe."
Setting where fated mates or soul bonds or permanent marks are a thing? "Meh. I don't really want one or care if I ever get one."
People in the actual omegaverse would get as bored of their stuff, as we do of ours, you know? It could be interesting to see that kind of vibe in fics. Biological demands faced with all the excitement of paying bills or doing laundry or tying your shoes.
Even if that kind of energy might not drive a plot, it could be interesting to have as a contrast to the people who do have big feelings about them - good or bad.
There's the friends who can't wait til they have a pack of their own, and the one friend who isn't against it but couldn't care less. There's the group in the office who are all about scent compatibility tests and figuring out one's best match and what sprays most highlight it, and the coworker who has no intentions on putting that much effort in. There are parents who hover and protect their offspring by scenting them multiple times a day, and others who don't see what the fuss is as long as it's done in the morning.
...also: packs with introverts who show care by giving each other space. So often, closeness is depicted through physical touch and tactile affection, but comfortable silence is meaningful too. Knowing people are near, but not having to interact until you're ready. Sitting in the same room doing different things, knowing that all it takes is a "hey, look at this" to share what you're up to. People understanding and accepting each other's differing or fluctuating needs for how and when to recharge. Seeing somebody reaching out or sharing space, beyond what's their norm, as a signal of the fact that they care.
#omegaverse worldbuilding#a/b/o worldbuilding#a/b/o dynamics#kinda#not gonna tag sfw though it mostly is#heat/rut mention#twovvie chatters#hi its me im introverts#a version of me in omegaverse would love to live in a pack house#as long as i could have a space to myself#people nearby? good! people around all the time? uhhhh#even my family knows that after so many hours of fun family party#i'm gonna disappear to whatever room has the fewest people in it#or find a random corner and start reading#“oh! i didnt know you were here” yes that was the plan#also i just find the idea of someone#who couldnt care less about pairing up#to be funniest in a setting where that's a big deal#“too bad you havent found a mate yet” “no i already know who it is”#“congrats! when do we meet them?” “oh i didnt mean that i'm going to date them. i just know who it is.”#“but i thought you were single?” “yup.” “don't you want a mate?” “nah too annoying.”#cycle day? nice i get a free day off work#cycle day? ugh not this again#the duality of man (a/b/o edition)#granted i hc heats/ruts as heightened libido and greater fertility#because i dislike elements of heats/ruts that (imo) mess with people's ability to freely consent#if the only non-sexual options are pain or solitude and the species needs compaionship as much or more as regular humans#then not being able to or being unwilling to is like a punishment for those people#sure stress or other needs can short circuit it (irl) but theres plenty of reasons to not be interested that arent “you have a problem”#surely i'm not the only person who reacts to various body requests with “later i'm busy” right?
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idk i just think it’s a little weird that almost every character who gets the “innocent baby” / “little ray of sunshine” treatment usually ends up just having neurodivergent traits and actual negative traits in the show that nobody pays attention to. like idk man it just feels like diet infantilization to me and it’s a teeny weeny bit uncomfortable to see all the time
#what’s even weirder is that half of these precious sunshine baby characters will canonically have some kind of temper too 😭😭#like sorry I don’t think Adrien is an innocent ray of sunshine he was literally destroying property out of spite 😭😭#cal.txt#autism stuff#fandom ableism#infantilization#she ra spop#entrapta#spn#supernatural#jack kline#autistic jack kline#adrien agreste#Like of course he isn’t canonically ND but the whole angle of his social awkwardness and unawareness#miraculous ladybug#it’s still a common trait in ND people and it’s probably the most infantilized aspect of us#but come on man#and don’t even get me started on jack. we know how I feel#TLDR jack strangling the gas n sip employee in a rage so blind he had to be shot in the back to snap out of it#like am I alone in this am I detecting a pattern that nobody else is .#siigghhh#we will never be free 😭😭😭😭#castiel#at some point in the fandom and probably still in a few corners#autistic representation#this goes for when a character is simply coded that way too#like I cannot stress enough how coding and representation work#I also cannot stress enough that ableism does not have to be intentional to be ableism holy BALLS dude#you can do it by accident!!! you can play into tropes that you didn’t realize were bad!!!! ITS NOT A MORAL FAILING ON YOUR PART#it’s just a product of society like everything else.
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Did a little bit of googling for something unrelated which led me to think of something. Y’all do know that Suika volunteered to do the official mdzs, right? Like, she was not scouted for the project, she was an opportunist that hopped onto it before 7seas reached out to any of the actual mdzs fan translators? Is this common knowledge in the fandom?
#mdzs#when the translators for the mxtx officials were announced#it was a *big thing* that no mdzs fan translator got it#but people were generally in defense of suika’s right to translate it#but as i was going through some old reddit threads#i saw quite a few posts suggesting that people thought suika was scouted#so like was the drama only big on my corner of the internet?#or did people just forget that nobody *forced* suika to take on a project she had no ready-made translation for?#yeah 7seas had horribly exploitative scheduling#but there’s a reason svsss had to most stress- and drama-free release#while mdzs and tgcf were bogged down with issues every volume#7seas should’ve never let thag happen#but the instigator was def suika
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thoroughly convinced i have been hallucinating
#i doubt its like. shaitan or something because they only ever appear when im stressed#but they also only appear in the bathroom mirror and in the bathroom in general#like youd think if it was a trick of the eye then you would like. see it in other places yknow#and i DID see them in other places like the corners of rooms and THAT could definitely be something my eye does but like. man#vent#vent post#they dont bother me i just hate seeing them in the shower when im showering at night#they freak me out#there are like. i counted two#one was wide and tall and had this speckled brown appearance#the other was thin and lanky but equally as tall#theyre almost as tall as a door#theres also a short one. about waist height#i dont see it anymore
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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I randomly felt like watching this edit again and ohh ... the feelings😭😭 This video basically carried me through my last semester and final exams at high school, I literally watched it multiple times every day (I swear a couple hundred views are from me alone), on the bus ride to school in the morning, when I got home again, before going to bed, just in between because I felt like it ... Internally I wasn't doing that well at the time, and it just brought me so much comfort. Also I'm pretty sure it plays a significant role in how I fell more and more in love with 2nd Dimension Heinz💕 This edit just means so much to me and I love it so much <3
#actually funny that I dug it out after some time of not watching it just now when the end of my study programme is around the corner#and I'm once again stressed as hell#but who knows maybe it works its magic and I'll ace all projects and exams and such again now#but even with out all that it's just really beautiful <3#the text makes me think of kind of a darker AU where Heinz being genuinely evil is a bigger plot point and Selina is worried about him#because he's becoming more unpredictable and extreme and she's torn because she wants neither him nor others to be hurt#but she also just loves him too much and feels herself drawn to him more and more and she can't help it😭#or something like that idk I'm just rambling incoherent stuff here#f/o: 🚂#2nd dimension doofenshmirtz#Youtube
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