#when it comes to the whole 'love is the death of duty' concept

[eldrith]

i literally just thought abt this ajehbsha but like what if the reader was jace's bethrothed that was "killed" by the greens during the dance, but was actually captured and brainwashed her to be an assasin ksjwbsna

think of it somewhat like bucky barnes

safe flight on ur trip!:)

BABE YOUR MIND…. also i haven't seen the marvel movies in ages so im kinda going off what i can recall . and i took this in a bit of a diff direction i hope thats ok but i love this i could write a whole fucking book about this omfg. your mind is beautiful id love to keep it in a jar warnings: mentions of torture, death, assassinations, angst, allusions to smut if you squint, targcest bc its implied you are aegon's sister/of valyrian blood, brief allusion to suicidal thoughts, fluff mostly at the end and is a bit canon divergent. and yes i know this is 3.1k words but it's still a headcanon ok. its just a great concept

you and jacaerys are betrothed when you are young.

despite this, you remain close; shy smiles, kind whispers and youthful awkwardness that blossoms into a strong, devoted friendship. you're to be queen - and he, king. indeed you study for your future duties side by side, with prideful grins - and along the way, you find time for yourselves.

in youth, it is in teaching jacaerys to sew and read tarot, painting, or maybe even showing him the game you used to play with your brothers; it is in him teaching you to wield a sword, studying high valyrian together, him showing you how to climb the castle's ramparts, and inviting you along with he and luke to throw stones at the sea.

as you grow old, it is in jacaerys giving you rides on vermax, dancing with him any chance you can, exploring nature - mountains with caves and tall waterfalls that he pulls you under with feverish kisses, finding ways to sneak to each other's chambers; it is in you kissing his cheek and teasing him when his face grows pink, bringing lucerys along with the two of you when you begin to sneak out of the castle, in sharing too many cups of wine and stumbling to your quarters, in hands weaving through each other's hair.

it is nice.

but then, the war.

things are as okay as they can be for a while- duty is a blessing and a curse for you both. tensions mount. jacaerys feels like everything is falling apart, but he has you; his best friend, his lover, his favorite person in the entirety of the seven kingdoms. you cry with each other, train with each other, sneak off when things become too intense in court. you begin to whisper about a secret wedding, a traditional valyrian one; intimate, quiet.

he just wants to call you his wife, and you just want to call him your husband. but duty has a way of interfering with even the sweetest plans.

the evening jace leaves to treat at winterfell, you clasp a chain round his neck, one you strung your favorite ring through; a keepsake, perhaps. or as he likes to think, a reminder of you during the cold nights in the north.

despite it all, things are okay.

until he loses you.

you are killed with your dragon, defending a crucial line of passage for their men; vhagar and aemond are the last ones to see you as your dragon spirals beyond a hill, wings singed and aflame. you vanish.

jace is overwhelmed with grief.

the news comes just as he's beginning to find himself in a new world - a world without his younger brother - and he, an empty pit of grief and despair, isolates himself from others. consumed by sorrow and rage, his emotions spiral out of control - snapping, yelling, unable to contain his emotions even at council.

his days are marked by a deep mourning that he's unsure will ever be mended. life continues in its droll capacity - the war rages on, and jace becomes more bitter, and more like his great uncle daemon. bloodthirsty, demanding revenge.

and then, you return from the dead.

the day you come back to him is rainy and drowsy. he had foolishly, or in a bout of grief, not noticed the sounds of dragon overhead the caste; a dragon whose screech he had not heard in many moons.

his mother is the one to find him - alone, staring at the hearth in his quarters, eyes filmed with the glossy haze of sorrow.

rhaenyra's face is ghostly, sickly - and he grows immediately concerned as he sees her expression, rising to grasp her arms. "mother, are you well?"

he is shocked when he hears her whisper out: "she's alive."

his worry for his mother vanishes, blinded by her words. you. you're...

and despite being ordered to remain, his legs carry him out - to you. his mother's own footfalls follow behind him, her voice begging. he does not listen, even when she warns him - there is something that isn't right.

when he finally finds you he's elated, heart nearly stopping when your eyes meet.

but there's something missing.

when he takes you into his arms, you're cold; barely blinking, you are not who you used to be.

his own tears distort his vision as he cups your face, pressing a kiss to your full lips - and perhaps that is why he does not notice the sullen, empty look on your face. but he feels it in the way your lips do not kiss back.

jace tries to ignore it, at first.

as you are nursed back to physical health, you avoid telling the court of the truth. all that is revealed is the harrowing tale of your mangled body, put back together by the maester in the red keep; your mutilated dragon, whose health was dangled over your head by your own brother, the one whose head bears a crown that is not his.

you do not speak of your time, but the nightmares you wake from, screaming your throat raw, speak for themselves.

you heal.

you begin to show some signs of humanity after the initial shock subsides; and when you begin to seek his touch, he is glad for that semblance of what you used to have.

but it isn't the same.

you flinch at the slightest movements; your face, once expressive and joyful, is rarely lax of the straight, icy stare you send mostly towards walls. he knows he must be patient; you've endured something he could not imagine - but he cannot help his unease.

you do not speak as you used to - lapse in memory, seemingly unfamiliar with jacaerys; as if you did not grow up together, running down halls, whispering secrets, notching each other’s heights in the frame of your chamber’s threshold.

he can't help when he begins to turn away from your lips, avoiding the mechanical feeling of your mouth upon his, the coldness of your eyes when you attempt to unlace his tunic.

he feels as though it is a different person that tries to kiss him each time. he grows incredibly lonely.

in time, he is suspicious of you. you're... different. during conversations, you forget important details, you cannot recall milestones or memories you used to cherish.

the way your palm fits oddly into his, the way you no longer brush his hair back when it falls into his eyes. you call him jacaerys, or your grace - that, indeed, is the first seed planted in the suspicion of his mind. always jacaerys, never jace - and when he asks you what you do with all the time you spend alone in your chambers, you lock up as if mute.

when performing certain duties around the queen, your eyes would slide to odd objects, or pay close attention to cupbearers and how the queen enjoys her wine.

and he begins tracking your walks when you think you're alone: he discovers you sending ravens with a cloak pulled low over your head, visiting odd alleys in town and disappearing into the lower bowels of peculiar shoppes.

jace goes to daemon, of all people - daemon, first. he knows his stepfather's reputation—ruthless, cunning, and fiercely protective; if anyone can help him discern the truth, it's him. "something is not right," he tells him, worried daemon would somehow turn it into something it's not.

even worse, though, is that daemon is quick to agree. and when jace tells his mother, she confesses her own concern.

"that isn't her," his voice warbled when he tells his mother - lip, trembling, tears tracking down his cheeks as she pulls him into her embrace, her own fear poorly concealed.

when it finally happens, it is a shock to his entire body.

a mere word; murmured, off-hand at a council you happened to be attending - of which you often no longer attended, your trauma and recovery from the kidnapping having sequestered you to your quarters most days.

"Usurper," he'd said.

and then your head had snapped up.

a change in your face - as if no longer human, you’d leapt, ripping out a dagger that had been concealed in your bodice.

and then you'd lunged at him; slicing like a hound rabid for a piece of meat.

he does not remember much besides his reaction: striking you across the cheek and disarming you- kicking hard, your body being thrown to the stone. four swords at your throat. daemon holding you down with a look of disbelief at your heaving frame.

you were relentless, ready to kill - but you are too small, and the rest too many.

a stinging pain, throbbing at his neck as he watches you in shock.

but that was not you - a statue, some sleeping beast that'd been awoken in your tortured brain at the trigger of such a word. it had nearly been worse than when you'd died.

brainwashed, maester gerardys tells them.

it is not until after you have been thrown into the cells below and a bandage sealed around jace's neck.

the blade was one of green and black hilt; intended, likely, for the queen herself - in hopes that she'd have been the first one to utter the word.

likely, maester gerardys says, you were led to believe you'd been abandoned by them, and subsequently tortured for all the time you'd been held at the red keep.

and of course, there was the threat of further maiming your dragon, perhaps, or other similar threats - and physical torture, if the scars on your body are anything to go by; this twists a raw agony in jace's gut and he has to shut his eyes to ward off the thought of you, in pain.

it is a miracle you did not lose your head for nearly slitting the throat of the crown prince; he contests while still lying abed with the open slice of red across his throat, relieved when his mother informs him you are still among the living. she is a merciful queen.

he does not weep until he is alone that night.

breaking the brainwashing is the hardest part.

nights, falling asleep in his brothers or his mother's quarters where your screams of anguish or anger could not be heard - days walking past your heavily guarded chamber to reach his own, swallowing thick as he imagines you on the other side.

isolation is key, he's been told, but it makes it so much worse.

it takes so long that jacaerys nearly forgets what your voice sounds like, how your eyes shine in the sun. he forgets how your smile, beautiful and uneven, makes his heart flip; the taste of your lips, the cadence of your voice.

he even finds himself praying to the seven for the first time since he was just a babe.

slowly, as you begin to heal, you are permitted to see others. he is not allowed, nor is his mother - daemon first, then baela and rhaena with their grandmother. servants and maids.

he begins to hear you again. walking past the chambers which lie near his own, he'd hear your voice, conversing quietly with maester gerardys. when he dozes off over a strategy tome at his desk, he is jolted awake by your gentle, haunting humming; a tune he used to love.

his mother tells him it is not healthy to keep it in.

but he cannot bring himself to speak of it.

shame, pain, anguish, embarrassment - heartbreak. he has grieved you twice over, seen you become a ghost. he has lost you and lost you again.

herbs, potions, guided discussions and meditations. solitary confinement, exposure to the word - all of this, and you begin to shed the skin of whatever person they had made you into.

he pretends that he does not endure nightmares of that day every time his eyes close - of the glint of your knife, the soulless stare of your eyes. the swelling bruise on your cheek - in the shape of his own fist.

there is a thin scar, a puckered pink line of fresh skin across the apple of his throat the next time he sees you.

it's an accident; he walks past just as a maid leaves your chambers, and he naturally glances over. your eyes meet him, hair wet and fresh from bathing; wide as a sweet doe, pain and regret laced through your gaze. "jace."

his throat is tight when he hears your voice - gentle, laced with remorse. jace, you'd called him. he hides the tears in his eyes when he continues briskly past your chambers. he thinks about you ceaselessly the rest of the day.

he's told you do not sleep. you eat only when it becomes impossible not to, you cannot make meaningful eye contact nor hold steady conversations without breaking down in guilt. it eats away at him.

but as you begin to show signs of improvement, jacaerys is finally allowed to visit.

they're brief, supervised; he brings paintings, books, and anything they believe could help stimulate your memory of life before your change. he tries to ignore the sting of pain when you barely meet his gaze, voice stuttering, hands shaking.

you’re still not you; flickering eyes, quiet voice. but soon, after moons of quiet conversation, stunted by the armored guards standing between you and observing your every move, it changes.

little by little, he sees glimpses of you again. you laugh like you used to. you recount stories of your shared youth - with a grin, you remember the day he'd fallen from an apple tree trying to pick you a fruit, and you'd had to snap his arm into correct place.

you brush flecks of dust and lint from his shoulder with shy looks, you share the books you’ve been reading; one day, you ask him to braid your hair - a task you'd taught him in youth. you fall asleep when he's halfway through.

and yes, there are bad days - days where your grief and guilt eat your stomach and you refuse to even look him in the eye; when you sob into your hands and curl yourself on the chaise longue and jace is stuck, heartbroken, watching you push him away.

you do not forgive yourself, you will not let him forgive you - but you soon let him hold you, and you soon begin to hold him back with a desperate grip.

it takes a while for jace to accept help.

but soon, he undergoes his own healing process; he knows he must reconcile the grief of losing you with the joy of having you back, albeit changed.

eventually, he speaks openly with you about the death of lucerys and about your own assumed death as well. you stroke his hair when he cries into your chest, you kiss his nose and cheeks to rid the tracks of tears.

during quieter moments, you find solace in each other's presence. you walk together in the gardens, hand in hand, your steps in sync as you talk about the future; you sit by the hearth in the evenings, your heads close as you share whispered conversations and stolen glances.

you broach the subject one stormy day, your beautiful hair loose and whipping around your head.

he watches your mind churn behind those eyes, the ones that have regained their expressive nature - the eyes he's loved since before he knew such a word.

"i would have killed you." it's a whisper into the wind. "and yet, you saved my life."

your voice is not grateful - to his horror, it is pained - as if you believe such repentance could only be achieved through greeting the stranger.

he shakes his head, "it was not you who did it." but you've heard it countless times, and you still find it hard to accept - guilt swims in your beautiful eyes.

"i love you." he whispers it.

tears drop from your eyes as you look at him. "why?"

eventually, the fog clears fully.

you remember the details of your manipulation, the torture, the indoctrinating, the conditioning. you confess it all to queen rhaenyra and the dragonstone court - voice shaking and body bent with shame, you apologize for your weakness. jace has to look away when you begin to cry, when you beg for forgiveness, for another chance.

it is given without hesitance.

one evening, you sit by the fire with him.

something upon him catches your eye; with a tentative reach, your fingers brush his chest. jace looks down, breath catching as he realizes what you've found; gently, you pull the necklace from his tunic - a ring upon it, untarnished. your smile is sad, sorrowful - "you kept it," you whisper.

he can only nod, eyes never leaving yours. "i never took it off."

it is that night you tell him about a dream you had; you were both young again, carefree and in love. his eyes glisten with unshed tears just as yours do, and he takes your hand, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. "we'll get there," he promises, his voice unwavering. you both believe it.

you come back to him in ways he doesn't expect.

longing glances, eyes holding on his lips when he speaks to you - short teases that release your sharp tongue and quick wit. you are given some old duties back. kept to the castle, you mostly held draw efforts from within, but he can see the fire in your eyes return as the guilt subsides.

when the word usurper is accidentally used in conversation, eyes still flicker to you. there will remain wariness - conscious or not - for the rest of your days. but you prove yourself loyal and trustworthy, and you soon begin to forgive yourself.

nights you spend in jace's arms, fingers brushing against the scar you'd given him. tears are replaced with soft kisses upon lips, and eventually upon flushed, sweat-laced skin.

he is terrified each time you ride into battle - even when he and vermax are alongside you.

perhaps it is a weakness - to worry so, during a war; he cannot help it. but to his relief, you always come out unscathed, as does he - and you always slide off the wing of your dragon and pull him to you, murmuring into his neck, soothing over his back with your palm once you return.

you love him, and you tell him as much any chance you get. you begin to stop wincing when he tells you he loves you, too.

you still wake sometimes with a hoarse throat, but now you are soothed back to sleep when jace, bleary eyed and heart pounding, crawls into your bed alongside you. your cries turn into soft puffs of breath as he braids your hair until you fall asleep.

you still sometimes flinch when someone raises a hand, jace sometimes watches with wariness when he sees you wielding a knife.

but eventually the war ends.

you and jace marry.

a traditional, valyrian one; dragonglass sliced into lips, palms. a kiss that tastes of metal, of loyalty, of love. you whisper the words to each other, no echo of ghosts nor fear in your minds.

one flesh, one heart, one soul. now and forever.

you become prince and princess of dragonstone, first in line for the succession to the iron throne.

you show to be just rulers; fair and kind, strong willed and bright. ceaselessly, fiercely in love.

your firstborn son is named lucerys.

he has jace's eyes and your hair. you sing him the song jace remembers you humming those days after you came back to them - and when the queen visits to give her congratulations and to meet her grandbabe, the heir to the heir, she calls you daughter.

the scar upon his neck fades away, until you can scarcely trace it with your finger as he pulls you to him in the late hours of eve, wrapped in furs and the soft flicker of candlelight.

you do not hear the word usurper again.

requests open, or talk to me <3 taglist/mutuals; @bitchydragonparadisee @lukehughes43 @rhea-ripley @jottositto @chloe-petrichors @softspiderling @dipperscavern

[weirwoodsugar]

lil jon things i am obsessed with/think are hilarious in the order they occurred to me at 3 am

-spends the first book telling anyone who will listen that he’s Not Afraid To Die and then a wight shoves its whole hand down his throat and he’s like wow that was actually extremely scary and never says that shit again

-always got little Things he says to himself but they’re all awful. very bad affirmation game no wonder morale is low

-“did lord eddard father you on a fish wife”

-the doubts that plague me can’t catch me if i just keep making Decisions!!! let’s hear it for Decisions!!!!

-arguably contender for top woman respecter but batting absolute zero at successfully comforting crying women. unless you consider “making her mad at you instead of upset” a success

-i’m not a wolf! i’m not a wolf!! i’m not a wolf!!! while warging like almost constantly with zero control. babe i don’t think your affirmations are working you’re experiencing non consensual smells at an alarming rate

-i wish mormont was my dad wait no i wish benjen was my dad wait no i wish qhorin was my dad wait no i wish donal noye was my dad. will someone be my dad please i just keep making decisions

-constantly having Agonies over ethical decision making while the rest of the continent hasn’t even really invented the concept of ethics yet? on the verge of a nervous breakdown due to his constant Agonies

-related: love is the death of duty but having strong ethical convictions/clear moral vision is also kind of the death of duty oops! aemon didn’t warn you about that one!

-stannis wants to davosify this kid mega bad

-“jon felt like he was fifteen again” (said when he’s literally sixteen)

-has a terrible violence in his heart but it’s kind of the least of his problems tbh. like yeah my fire and blood levels are a little elevated but i’ve got paperwork i need to take care of

-RUNNING DOWN THE TABLE AT YOU WITH A KNIFE!!!!!

-last of the giants fixation. god he’s gonna be so mad when he comes back and wun wun is dead. this one isn’t hilarious it’s deeply moving and endearing

-an eagle almost rips his eye out and he’s like well i guess i have no choice but to have sex with ygritte at least one dozen times. it’s a tough job but someone’s gotta do it

-just a crazy amount of anime main character pre-loaded swag (bastard of winterfell skin changer with an albino direwolf and a cool sword which he can really SWANG and cool facial scars etc etc) and is actively working against it. rolled super high on charisma and is trying to balance it out by being as much of a boring fuddy duddy as he possibly can. the devil works hard (at making me cool) but i work harder (at being very uncool). it is an honorable thing to be swagless by choice…….

-pretty sure he actively enjoys saying no to people. just for love of the game (the game is being disagreeable). very capricorn coded. likely brushes his teeth in the shower.

-REMEMBER WE KNOW WHERE YOU SLEEP 😈

[yanderes-galore]

Two different Anons wanted more Maegor, a surprise to me but who am I to deny it ;)?

Original Concept Here (Part 1)

Additional Thoughts 1

Additional Thoughts 2

Yandere! Maegor Targaryen Concept Extended Thoughts

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Female Darling, Obsession, Possessive behavior, Violence, Pregnancy, Manipulation, Miscarriage mentioned, Isolation, Blood, Murder, Gender roles, Forced relationship.

The whole point of Maegor having other wives was because he was convinced they were the reason he couldn't have an heir.

So, when he has you, a wife who can successfully give him a babe, he doesn't care much about the other wives he has.

If you're lucky, he'll be merciful and simply neglect them.

However... Maegor may quickly tire of his other wives.

He'll find the tiniest little slip up with them just to have an excuse to take their heads.

He's a cruel king, after all.

You're the only wife he wants if you can give him proper heirs... not misshapen miscarriages.

Many doubt Maegor loved any other wife than you.

After all, you finally gave the dragon what he wanted.

How could he not after that?

So, yes, Maegor would probably be loyal to you as his wife.

When you get pregnant and eventually give him an heir, he knows he has a chance with you.

Maegor would take either gender of babe, although if you had a daughter... He'd probably try again for a son now that he knows you're capable of carrying his heirs.

Which is another exhausting process as you'll no doubt have a few other issues along the way.

Honestly, the process of getting rid of his other wives wouldn't happen until after your successful babe.

Then it's proven you're the one for him...

Anyone else's blood can stain his blade for all he cares...

Which is terrifying if you were close go any of the other wives.

As I said in my previous concept, Maegor is overprotective of his wife.

He expects you to lean into your gender role.

Which for him includes following him around, attending to his needs, and waiting for him in your shared chambers.

While he is known as cruel, he tones it down with you since you are his successful wife.

When you're pregnant, he keeps you secure against him in your shared chambers.

He caresses your stomach and kisses your skin.

He's strangely affectionate with you... But he's the very same man who has slaughtered innocents, burned villages, and silenced maesters for offering advice.

Maegor only looks out for himself... and now you.

When pregnant, you're often instructed not to roam by yourself.

Maegor, when not warmongering, is by your side.

Many servants and guards stay out of his way as he escorts you through the halls.

You're only given the best food and comfort, all to ensure you carry his heir to term.

It's unnerving to see him so affectionate just because you can carry his children.

Part of you fears the fate that would have befallen you if you couldn't.

You're a bundle of nerves the entire pregnancy, even during birth.

However, luckily, your pregnancy is successful and you give birth to a healthy babe.

Maegor is immediately attentive when he hears of the news.

If he was busy, he finishes what he was doing quickly before coming to greet you.

If he was away from the castle, he mounts Balerion and flies back to the Red Keep.

Maegor watches sternly as your babe is handled, put into a cradle and waiting for a dragon egg to be placed to bond them to their mount.

Male or female your babe is getting a dragon, however, if your babe is male then Maegor is quick to train him when he's older.

After your birth, Maegor never leaves the bed.

Others are too nervous to tell the king he has duties for fear of some sort of horrendous death.

No, Maegor instead sits beside you and caresses your skin.

He holds you close, peppering your skin in kisses as he holds his wife close.

Afterwards he's staring at his babe in their cradle, occasionally touching the young newborn as if to figure if they're real or not.

You and your child(ren) are the only ones who see him like this.

He cares for you and his babe(s), this is the very thing he's wanted.

He knew you were special.

His special wife... a wife capable of birthing dragons.

Maegor grows more possessive of you once you're a mother.

When your babe is around one or two and given an egg... Maegor no doubt orders the execution of his previous wives.

If they didn't flee to join Jaehaerys, they were killed.

Maegor could care less for his failed wives.

All he can focus on is you and the small babe in the cradle.

Especially when his babe finally gets a dragon of their own.

... Now why would Maegor stop there, yeah?

Much to your dismay, Maegor would push the idea of more babes.

It's a dangerous game... but Maegor would want at least two heirs from his beloved wife.

A son first and foremost... yet he will take a daughter if that's the result of your first babe.

Maegor would be a harsh father on your children when they grow.

It's natural to him.

Yet, if you love anything in this situation, it's your children.

You could hate Maegor for treating you like a broodmare most of your marriage... But you no doubt love your babes.

You often coddle your children and try to keep Maegor under control as they grow up.

Although... There's a good chance Maegor won't... live to see your babes grow up.

For better or for worse.

No, your husband most likely dies on the Iron Throne like the stories say in canon.

Some say you did it yourself, or some other disgruntled subject did so.

Depending on the age of your children, some might even say they did it.

Unless they were still young babes.

Regardless, you and your children would be under the judgement of Jaehaerys I sooner or later.

Many ask for the execution of you and your children.

However, Jaehaerys is merciful.

He doesn't think you'll be much of a threat, much less your babes who most likely dislike Maegor too.

So... That's where your life would lead.

You'd raise your babes mostly yourself, but maybe Jaehaerys will have someone aid you.

Maybe Jaehaerys even helps you raise them or is at least on good terms with them to prevent them from being like their father.

Overall, it's a mostly good ending.

It's just you and your children... along with their dragons whom they have strong bonds with due to their blood

Perhaps, now no longer chained to your cruel husband...

You can be happy and focus on your babes? There's no doubt they'll be useful during King Jaehaerys I's reign, yes?

[oharaslove]

HI LOVIEESS!! Hope you enjoy this preview of my first series!! For some reason I love the concept of soulmates (bwoah, some reason, I know why, but let's stay mysterious for a while, haha), so I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it and thinking about it.

word count: 900 summary: What happens when someone who believes no one can love him meets a person who only desires to love and be loved? disclaimer: All the events of this story happen after Spiderman Across the SpiderVerse (more info in Chapter 1) warnings: MiguelxSpider!Reader (also latina), soulmates, eventual smut? (still debating this, not because I don't want to, but my abilities to do so), eventual angst, fluff, injuries, talks about death (I'll update as I go on)

Also, I'll be putting songs in some Chapters, or all of them if I can find music that I find fitting (Even though I am trying to stick to Sleep Token). Anyway, the song to start it all:

<Masterlist>

𝙋𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙚𝙬

Earth-928B

Spiderman 2099, Miguel O’hara, the leader of the SpiderSociety, one half of a whole. Nobody knows it, but he possesses an indelible mark in his body. For many, only a simple birthmark, for him, a constant reminder that there is someone out there who is his supposedly other half. The idea so stupid he stopped thinking about it, constantly at least, after he learned the truth about his biological father, Tyler Stone. 

In this Earth, in the year 2099, equal to the downfall of the “heroic age” where there were lots of superheroes, it was also the debacle of soulmates. There was an era where everyone was destined to meet the “love of their lives” and live happily ever after. Each person was assigned a match at birth, that was supposed to be their half, together being and feeling complete, represented by a distinctive mark. Only the children of soulmates could posses this “power” or destiny, or as Miguel liked to call it, a curse. 

As time went by, the people of Nueva York and all Earth-928B grew tired of waiting for that special person, and as a consequence soulmates started to disappear. For Miguel’s disgrace, Conchata and Tyler Stone were soulmates, which is part of the reason why he hates them so much. 

The mere idea of having someone destined to be with him repulsed him. He isn’t opposed to having a family, hence why he took the other Miguel’s place, but after losing Gabriella, he doesn’t trust himself. He isn’t capable of loving again, trusting someone, or so he thinks. 

There isn’t a reason why he thinks the universe (or universes) would give him someone to love him unconditionally. Miguel thinks that if his soulmate really exists, they will be like his mother and Tyler, destined to be apart, a love that never was supposed to happen, it would be a mistake, like HE is, in his mind.

Furthermore, he is Spiderman, he has a duty. Not only does he have to keep Nueva York safe, but also prevent the Multiverse from becoming shambles.  There is no time to care for someone, there is no time for love. “With great power comes great guilt”, a phrase he will never let down. He knows what he has to do, he is aware of the power he possesses. There is no time to mess around, and there is definitely not a second a day that he can waste trying to find someone who would, NO, will definitely hate him, doesn’t matter if they were bonded together or not. 

Even though he tells himself this every sleepless night, there is always a part of his heart or mind that yearns for comfort, for love, or at least, someone who can understand him. He knows it is impossible, or at the very best, improbable, given the fact that his so-called soulmate is probably only a regular human, so she will never understand, but deep in his consciousness, there is hope. Everytime he saves someone he believes he is a step closer, but there is always disappointment. So he drowns himself with work, trying to forget, trying to erase the idea that he was born to belong to someone, but instead fate gifted him with loneliness on this Earth, and in many others. 

Earth - 129

Y/n Y/Ln, the only Spiderwoman of Earth-129, the other half of a whole soul. Since you have memory, everyone has told you how important the weird shaped mark you had in your body was. It meant you had a soulmate, like almost everyone in your universe. Soulmates in your universe were sacred, as in Miguel’s, only children of soulmates could possess soulmates, but as the vast majority married and had kids with their own, most people have them. 

Obviously, your parents were each other’s soulmates, and you had the opportunity to hear how much they cared and loved each other. As you were growing up, you couldn’t wait to meet your other half, the person who was supposed to understand you like no other, to love you unconditionally. 

When you were born, unfortunately, your mother died, which caused your dad great pain. In your Earth, soulmates can feel each other’s pain and strong emotions, so your father felt how your mom slipped out of his grasp. He had hope they would leave this life together, as he didn’t know life without her, but fate had other plans. 

Even though this broke your heart, you never stopped looking for your soulmate, and your father never stopped encouraging you.

Now, in your twenties, 28 to be precise, everyone your age you know has met their soulmate. Friends, cousins, everyone!. Your friend was worried for you, he even started to think that something bad happened to your soulmate, because of the weird shape your mark has, but you still have hope. 

You’ve never been with anyone, so you don’t know how love feels, well, romantic love, but you know you have a lot to give. You can’t wait for the day you meet him. Every time you save someone during your patrols, you hope that it gets you closer to getting to know your soulmate. But you haven’t had luck yet. You only wish for your friend to be wrong, and your soulmate is somewhere on this Earth.  One of these days, you'll meet him, you feel it.

<Chapter 1>

Well, he isn’t on your Earth, is it darling?

Hope you liked it!! Let me know what you think!!

TAGS:

@oscarissac2099 @cupcakeinat0r @greensagephase

[astrophileous]

Love Bugs was sooo good!!! Do you think they’d let Penelope plan a baby shower with the entire team? Maybe even a sex reveal and Penelope truly trying her best to not reveal it early, the others on Garcia duty to make sure she doesn’t let anything slip LOL

WAIT HOLD ON THAT IS SUCH A CUTE CONCEPT???

and I hope you don't mind me putting my own twist to this, but you literally just reminded me of this insta reel I saw a while back of a couple who was doing a sex reveal privately on the beach with a cake, and then the wife, very innocently pulled out the candle so that the husband could cut it, not realizing the cream sticking on the candle would prematurely reveal the sex to them 😭 now I just can't stop imagining Penelope accidentally doing the same thing KAJJSJEJ IT WOULD BE HILARIOUS

btw thank you so much for reading love bugs, I'm soooo happy you liked it <3333

Love Bugs Masterlist / Criminal Minds Masterlist

You couldn't have been less inclined towards the idea the first time Penelope had brought it to your attention.

The next time she did, Penelope knew better than to come empty-handed. Thankfully for her, JJ and Emily both seemed to be partial towards Penelope's brilliant suggestion.

"I think it'll be great, (Y/N)," JJ had said. "I never did one for Henry, but I helped a girlfriend host hers once. It was fun."

"And I, personally, am always down for a party." Emily grinned.

"But a gender reveal party, guys? Seriously?"

"It'll be great, Beets. Trust me," Penelope swore. "Plus, you don't need to worry your pretty little head with anything. You just sit back, relax, and let us three do the heavy liftings."

Eventually, with the right doses of persuasion and incessant pleading, you agreed to let them throw a sex reveal party for the baby; with one condition: you wanted to keep the whole thing small and simple.

But small and simple weren't exactly Penelope's forte.

JJ and Emily tried their best to keep the tech analyst in check during the entire planning process. It was bad enough that the two of them had to take turns monitoring Penelope to make sure she wasn't stepping out of any line, but when they finally received the envelope from your doctor containing the sex of the baby, Penelope grew even worse.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Penelope yelped when Emily's voice suddenly appeared beside her. The blonde scrambled to click a few buttons on her computer screen to close the page she was looking at before Emily could see what she was doing, but it was too late.

"Wasn't that the archive of the hospital (Y/N) goes to?"

"What? No. Of course not. Why? Did you think I hacked it? That's ridiculous, why would I ever hack--"

"Garcia," Emily's stern voice cut her off. "Did you seriously just hack a hospital's records to find out the sex of (Y/N)'s baby?"

Penelope's silence was all the confirmation that Emily needed.

"It won't happen again," the tech analyst murmured shamefully.

But it did, in fact, happen again.

"Pen?" JJ's eyebrows creased when, just a few days later, she spotted Penelope sitting behind the desk in her office.

"Yes? Oh, hi! Hey, how are ya? Nothing to see here!"

Penelope offered JJ a sheepish smile, one that was intended to conceal trouble but instead spoke of one. JJ's eyes squinted.

"What's that in your hand?"

"Oh, this?" Penelope raised her right hand, showing JJ the figurine of a duck dressed as Superman that she, for some reason, was holding. "It's my new buddy. I got him at a flea market last week. Isn't he cute?"

"I meant your other hand, Pen."

JJ raised her eyebrows expectantly.

Soon enough, Penelope surrendered to JJ's stare of death--the one that she had perfected since becoming a mother--and handed the envelop into JJ's awaiting palm.

"I'm sorry," Penelope said meekly, like a child being scolded after being caught with her hand in the candy jar.

A week before the party was supposed to be held, JJ had safely dropped the cake order at the bakery, along with the sacred envelope that you had entrusted in her care. In hindsight, it looked as though everything was finally going according to plan.

Until the D-day rolled around.

As Emily held down the fort back at Derek's and your shared place, JJ and Penelope resorted to cake duty. JJ let Penelope go into the bakery to grab the cake while she stayed in the car for a quick phone call. When Penelope didn't yet reappear after five minutes, JJ decided to follow her inside to see what was holding her up.

"Hey, Pen?" JJ called to Penelope, who was standing like a deer caught in headlights in the middle of the room. In front of her, the baker was holding the box of cake with visible confusion on his face. "What's wrong?"

"She's just been standing there like that. Frozen. Like she saw a ghost," the baker informed.

"Pen?"

"The apron," Penelope whispered.

"What?"

"The apron."

"What ap--oh no."

JJ's eyes widened almost comically when she finally registered what had Penelope looking so stunned.

"Sir," JJ began, "you didn't happen to be working on this cake before we came in, did you?"

"Yeah, I did. I was just finishing it up. Filling in the buttercream and adding some final touches."

JJ sighed. "So, you're saying that the buttercream on your apron is the buttercream you used to fill in the cake?"

JJ's question prompted the baker to look down at the apron he was wearing.

More specifically, at the colored buttercream that spoiled the sex of your baby.

"We've got a situation," JJ said to Emily as soon as she and Penelope found her in your kitchen half an hour later.

"What is it?"

"Me and Pen accidentally found out about the sex."

"You what?!"

"I found out about the sex. I know the sex," Penelope murmured from where she was standing behind JJ. "I know what it is. I know what--hey, you two!"

The three women swiveled their heads towards the doorway, seeing you standing there with Derek practically gluing himself to your back.

"Hi, girls. Everything alright in here?"

"Everything is fine! Why wouldn't it be?" Penelope chuckled nervously.

A frown appeared between Derek's eyebrows. "Babygirl, you okay?"

Penelope waved him off. "I'm fanta... bulous."

"Fantabulous?" Emily whispered.

"Pretty sure it's a combination of fantastic and fabulous." JJ whispered back.

You stared at Penelope in concern. "You sure you're okay, Pen?"

"I'm fine, Beets! Splendid, even! I'm just so happy to see the three of you! God, look at that. You're all so perfect together. My Beets, Chocolate Thunder, and your beautiful baby--"

"Okay!" JJ exclaimed, cutting Penelope off before she could spill the main surprise. "We've still got a lot of work to do here, so... go, both of you."

As soon as you and Derek were out of earshot, JJ said to Penelope, "Pen, you gotta calm down."

"I can't. Oh my God, I can't calm down. It's the knowing. I hate knowing secrets, I'm not good with them."

"It's only for one more hour," Emily reasoned. "You can do this. Just... take a deep breath."

JJ and Emily somehow managed to keep Penelope from spiraling any further, long enough for them to finally commemorate the main event of the night. Your living room was crowded with beloved and very familiar faces: members of the BAU and a few friends of yours and Derek's. The speakers were blasting "September" by Earth, Wind & Fire, and you stood in front of the guests with Derek to your side when Emily and Penelope finally brought out the cake.

"Ladies and gents, we're about to witness a very important moment in history," JJ announced to the room. "In a few minutes, we'll finally find out the sex of the newest member of the (Y/L/N)-Morgan's household!"

The crowd erupted in cheers. You felt Derek give your hip a squeeze.

"Does anyone care to share their guesses?" JJ asked.

Shouts of "boy" and "girl", and a very vague shriek of "twins", all piled on top of one another. JJ quickly gestured with her hands for the crowd to calm back down.

"Without further ado, I present to you, Derek Morgan and (Y/N) (Y/L/N)!"

As your guests exploded in a synchronized ovation, Derek pressed a gentle kiss to your temple. "You ready, Bug?"

"As long as you are, Mr. Morgan."

You and Derek each grabbed a knife from the table, but before the blades could touch the cake, Penelope's voice stopped you in your tracks.

"Wait, let me remove those candles for you."

"No, Penelope!"

Emily's warning came too late.

The entire room held their breaths at the sight of the candles in Penelope's hand. The tech analyst darted her eyes in confusion before she realized what she had done.

"Oh no."

"Is that--" Derek's voice sounded lost in awe.

"Yes, it is," you breathed out.

"The cream, it's--"

"I know." A humorous chuckle escaped your chest as a lone tear fell down your cheek. "It's a blue buttercream. We're having a boy."

Derek didn't waste any second before gathering you in his arms. Around you, your crowds of friends celebrated along in a sequence of hoorays and applause. But even in the midst of that ruckus, you felt like there were no other people left on this world with you other than Derek and your baby.

Your son.

"Hey, Little Man," Derek whispered as his hand landed on your belly. "I can't wait to meet you."

[talonabraxas]

Sahasrara – The Crown Chakra Talon Abraxas

Enlightenment, Unity and Liberation. According to the Yogic tradition, Shiva abides in this Chakra waiting patiently for Shakti, who resides in the first Chakra, until she would rise to meet and unite with him. This is therefore the Chakra of final liberation and God-consciousness.

the open crown chakra

A human in a balanced and open state of the Crown Chakra is fully aware that true bliss and happiness lie not in any of the experiences available for the ego in the world of time and space but only in self-transcendence.

In such a state, the person becomes uninterested in the possible satisfaction of worldly experiences and shifts one’s attention, energy and ambition to the realm of spiritual union. One fully understands that real satisfaction takes place not in strengthening one’s ego but in its diminishing.

This person would be naturally inclined to mediation and silence. Meditation would no longer be an effortful duty but the love and passion of one’s soul. A natural, effortless attraction towards scriptures and the words of wise masters would lead the person to the ongoing experience that only this can quench one’s thirst.

One would seek knowledge not for gaining more concepts and intellectual broadening, but would rather seek the type of knowledge that promotes greater non-attachment and deeper liberation, including from all known concepts.

The level of resistance in mediation and spiritual practice would be very minimal and so, it would be extremely easy to prolong one’s stay in an intense meditative atmosphere such as retreats, fasting, learning from spiritual teachers and meditating. If anything, one would feel at the end of an intense learning a greater thirst and not a need to retire from spiritual engagement and to return to land in ordinary consciousness.

There would be an increasing sense of inner satisfaction that doesn’t come from externals, and so the incessant ego drive towards searching in the world would significantly diminish.

One would occasionally enter powerful spiritual experiences and would naturally find oneself busy, mentally and emotionally, with spiritual questions and focus. In this state one’s major center of gravity and identity would shift to the spiritual realm.

crown chakra psychological meaning and function

The Crown Chakra does not contain clear psychological aspects. Nonetheless, it can be blocked, open or wide open. To a certain degree we can find there the fear of the person, or individual ego, of coming to an end. Whereas the first or root Chakra contains the more instinctual fear of the cessation of the body, the Crown Chakra holds a much subtler fear: the very ending of the “I-consciousness”; the desire of continuity that our impermanent and perishable ego has.

When our thought tries to imagine what it would be like after death, it attempts to reach and get in touch with a state which our ego or self-consciousness cannot exist in. For this reason, the subtler fear of death is the one in which we simply cannot imagine or contain the possibility of the true and final ending of our very sense of existence.

The Crown Chakra deals with the deeper questions which strive to tap into the “unknowable”, as found in death and deep sleep. It invites us to experience states of self-transcendence in which our separate sense of self blends into a greater whole, while keeping a sweet secret in it that on the other side of our ego’s fear of death, there awaits a tremendous sense of liberation, limitlessness and bliss.

[fabuloustrash05]

TMNT 2012: Medieval AU

This is an AU I had in mind long ago, but never did anything with it. I had a lot of ideas and concepts for this AU, but I never had the time to write a fanfic for it (busy writing other fanfics plus personal stuff going on).

However, I did write these plot/character introduction summaries of the Turtles and Karai, so I thought it would be fun to share them with you! Enjoy! <3

Plot Summary:

The Hamato Kingdom was a peaceful land full of joy and laughter. The land was ruled by King Splinter. Not only was he a wise, brave, kind and was loved by all his subjects, but he was also a loving father of his five children, a daughter and four sons, Princess Miwa, Prince Leonardo, Prince Raphael, Prince Donatello, and Prince Michelangelo. The Kingdom was happy, until one fateful day. The King mysteriously fell ill and too soon he met his untimely death. The kingdom was devastated and the king's children were in despair. Now that the king is gone, Miwa must take the throne and become the Queen her father has prepared her for her whole life, but is she truly ready for the task at hand?

Character Introduction Summary:

King Splinter's oldest child and only daughter, Princess Miwa, is known for being one of the most beautiful and most intelligent maidens in the kingdom. Though she is a lady, she is very knowledgeable when it comes to the battlefield and is skilled with a sword, though her father worries for her safety with her dangerous interests. Her whole life her father has molded her to become the perfect future queen of the kingdom. Everyday preparing her for when she must take the throne, though she does not look forward to her fate as queen. Rather she wants to see what's beyond her kingdom and be free from her royal status. She has a fascination with the dark arts of magic, wanting to learn about it, but she fears to tell her family of this secret desire and true interests. Instead she stays inside the castle walls preparing for her time on the throne to arrive, giving her family a false personality and persona and hiding her true self.

Prince Leonardo is the oldest son, but the second oldest child, of King Splinter. The Prince is as kind and wise as his father, many say he reflects his father at a younger age. The prince loves his kingdom and family dearly. He looks up to his father and idolizes him. He’s responsible, wise, and knowledgeable of the royal court, but his insecurities often take over him for he believes he’s not good enough to be given the title of King and believes his sister will make an excellent ruler instead of him. Leo instead spends his days reading, practicing his sword fighting, or riding his horse around the kingdom’s land. He’s known as a handsome young man who many of the maidens in the kingdom admire. Prince Leo is also unaware of a certain arrangement his father has made with another king from the neighboring Kingdom of Salamandria that involves him and their princess. He loves his family and his kingdom and is willing to do anything to keep them happy and safe.

Prince Raphael, the third oldest, is the most rebellious of the King’s sons. A confident and charming young man who loves to hunt and has a fiery passion to fight for and defend his kingdom alongside the royal guards. However because of his royal status he is obligated to stay in the kingdom, just like his brothers, and work on his royal duties. Though he can’t go to war Raphael still trains with his friend, one of the royal guards, Sir Casey, or chats with the royal blacksmith, Slash, there he learns more about weaponry and how to properly use a blade. Sometimes he envies his older brother Leonardo for the attention and praise he gets from the citizens, often feeling stuck in his shadow. While he’s talented with a sword, Raphael is also blessed with the skills of an artist and a poet. Next to hunting, painting is one of his favorite hobbies. Though he may not seem like it at first glance, Prince Raphael is a kind soul with the heart of an artist, who just wishes to live the life he desires, but his biggest struggle and personal sin is his blooming attraction for his older brother’s betrothal.

Prince Donatello is well known as the most intelligent young man in the kingdom, almost always seen having a book in his hand. Though he is smart he tends to not acknowledge the world around him since he practically grew up in the royal library spending most of his days reading and learning from his private tutors. Practically isolated in the library for years. Some rumor that the young prince was born in the library, hence why he almost never leaves. Being fourth in line to the throne, Donatello doesn’t care if he’ll ever become king or not. The young prince just wishes to travel the land beyond his kingdom and explore the world to learn new things. His intelligence can often make him stubborn and will often refuse to admit wrong. Though his stubbornness was one day called out by his sister’s lady in waiting, April, who told him to be more open to the world and get out of his comfort zone. After that day, Donatello has had an admiration towards April and the mysteries of the outside world.

The youngest child is Prince Michelangelo. The kindest of the four brothers, Michelangelo is rumored to have a heart so pure it's made of gold. He cares for the poor and often donates his riches to charities. His kindness however, can often be taken advantage of. It makes him naive and unsure of the dangers out there in the real world, quite often getting himself into trouble. Because of that, the young prince is required to have a personal guard, Sir Leatherhead, who must keep watch of him everyday. Even with that however, Michelangelo loves to spend time with the servants of the castle for he considers them his family as well and even assists them in their chores when his family is not looking. Michelangelo is a carefree young man with very little duties who’s loved by many and is open to try new things.

Fun Fact: I originally planned to make a fanfic of this AU instead of my other AU fanfic "Turtles in the Roaring 20's", but I had more of a story put together and more passion for the 1920s AU compared to this one, so it was scrapped.

[lets-try-some-writing]

I just finished reading your “Optimus as Unicron’s Sparkling AU” (IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST PEICES OF WRITING I HAVE EVER READ) and there was something I was left wondering about. What if Optimus joined the Decepticons in his exile instead of the AutoBots. However you want to do it is fine, whether that be because of Unicron’s constant urges, or the Prime just feeling so betrayed. Again it’s up to you entirely. But really you writing is astonishing, and absolutely amazing. Thanks!

Thank you so much for the praise!! My dear requester you have literally made my day with this (after I dug through my pile of requests to find your lovely idea). I love this whole concept, thank you very much. I wish I could draw better so that I could illustrate these scenes.

Previous part here. Part most relevant to the request here.

━━━━━━ ⊙ ❖ ⊙ ━━━━━━━━━━━━

The Autobots wallowed after they chose to send their Prime away, but left alone to heal and to think, Optimus's thoughts wandered. As he hid in an old garage, trying to compose himself and come to terms with all that had come to pass, he started to reminisce. He thought back on his life and all that had led up to his current situation, and as he did, he found his opinions shifting.

Over the first week, he remained firm in his belief that what he did was right. He struck his maker down, for if he hadn't, there would have been nothing left of his foster Sire's efforts. He could not condemn the one who raised him to continue on without a legacy. That was a faith he kept close to himself, but his thoughts regarding his mortal life began to be questioned. He fought for the Autobots to stop tyranny and to ensure that Primus's creations remained free. Megatron wished for freedom too, but his actions were monstrous, terrible by any moral definition. But then again, what was Optimus if not the creation of monstrosity?

By the end of the second week, Optimus began to doubt, not even bothering to move from his hiding place as he thought. At first he was plagued by guilt for even questioning, but then as he continued his contemplation, pieces he never considered began to fall into place. When he was Orion Pax, he was middle caste and was not shown the darker sides of society. He was foolish in his actions and his words, going on to provoke Megatronus by stealing the spotlight the Kaoni warrior deserved and fought so hard to obtain. He was willing to accept that he was wrong in that regard. But when he ascended to once again become a Prime, was he really wrong to fight back? Megatron killed mecha, he stripped them of their choice by tearing the council down without a care for those caught up in the backlash.

But then again, when was peace really ever an option? Mecha still would have suffered if things had been done slowly as he had hoped so long ago. There would have been pain all the same, it just would have lasted longer and been more drawn out. Fighting back against Megatron's revolution turned rebellion only brought greater suffering than if he had just allowed his former brother in arms to win. Not only that, but was Megatron really that wrong in his ideals? Yes they were more perverted from time and bitterness, however he still fought for freedom did he not? If Optimus had been there to steer him in the right direction, he could have appeased his maker by ensuring change was a constant while also assuring that his foster Sire's children didn't wipe themselves out in civil war.

By week three he came to a startling conclusion amidst his wallowing. He had failed in both his directives by trying so hard to maintain mortal morality. He was a creation of Unicron, his function was chaos and due to the kindness of his foster Sire, it was his duty to ensure his chaos was directed into something useful. In attempting to be something he wasn't due to his time as Orion Pax, he failed to bring change. The war was horrific, but it was static, nothing of note ever shifted. Always death, always battle, but there was no change. And in the never ending death, he was also failing his foster Sire by allowing his creations to drive themselves to extinction, even going so far as to encourage it by driving the war on and refusing to yield.

His Autobots didn't want him anymore, they feared him and all that he was. Even his oldest friend and his sparkling wished him to vanish. Optimus could not grant them that, he was eternal, destined to walk the stars until they went out and the universe unraveled. However he could fulfill his function and in doing so, finally bring about an end to the war that was driving his foster Sire's children to extinction.

When at last Optimus stirred, he did not reject his maker's touch. He relished in it. The Matrix pulsed in warning but Optimus ignored it for the most part. It was there to keep him on track, he would heed it when required, but his duty was long planned. He had a mission, a goal. He had to end this foolish war, and he was not afraid to wield the power granted to him from his birth to do so.

Thus as Optimus pushed himself up and abandoned the place he had taken shelter in, he found himself wandering. His frame broke apart into what it was in the beginning of times, a mess of energy and corruption balanced only by enough order to keep it contained. Unicron smiled and praised his creation through their bond with every passing moment as Optimus drew more and more upon his maker. In a matter of days, all remnants of the adaptation Optimus performed during the age of Primes faded away to reveal his true colors. A giant even amongst Cybertronian kind, he walked the surface of the earth, all its flora and fauna bowing to the one son of the being which spawned them. The Matrix screamed in concern, flaring wildly to try and reign Optimus back in, and it worked to a degree. Optimus's thoughts shifted, his ideals warping in response to the influx of his maker's power, but never did he become what his maker intended. Primus's touch was still powerful, but more subdued.

His attachments faded somewhat, ending up still present but distant in the ways of immortals gazing down upon their short lived comrades. He cared for his former team, he still loved his dear Autobots, but he knew what was best for them. The foolish children of Primus could not see their faults. The Decepticons were cruel, they were wild, and they were most certainly lost. However the Autobots were no better, their corruption ran deep, so deep in fact that only looking through the sight of one beyond mortality revealed it to him. Optimus had been so wrapped up in his war and maintaining morality that he hadn't seen the indoctrination, the functionalism, and the rampant biases that would most certainly lead to reinstitution of the council should the Autobots win. Changing their path was impossible now, but Optimus had no desire to kill those he held dear. He merely needed to play the side that needed his aid, just as he did with his false siblings during the first age.

They would hate him for it, but did they not hate him already?

With his frame having lost all its Cybertronian adaptations beyond the general form of one, Optimus was left with no ability to use internal commlink communication or any sort of technological advantage to contact Megatron. However Starscream quickly proved useful as soon as the seeker in exile was captured. Starscream shook like a leaf when he was wrenched out of the sky, and thus he complied swiftly when Optimus forced his shattered frame components to rattle in a mimicry of true speech.

Optimus: C̷o̴m̸m̸u̴n̴i̶c̸a̶t̷i̵o̷n̸ ̴m̷u̷s̷t̴ ̵b̷e̷ ̷a̸c̷h̵i̶e̴v̶e̵d̵.̷ ̶C̴o̴n̵t̷a̵c̶t̴ ̷M̸e̷g̶a̸t̴r̷o̸n̴ ̶o̵f̶ ̵K̵a̴o̶n̶.̶ ̶I̴ ̸m̴u̵s̸t̸ ̴s̵p̵e̸a̶k̵ ̶w̷i̴t̴h̴ ̶h̸i̷m̴.̴ ̶

Starscream, terrified for his life and unwilling to risk it: Of course my Lord.

Starscream was dutiful, and within the groon Optimus had communications established. It was of course an understatement to assume that Megatron was shocked. He witnessed Optimus's full might as Unicron woke, so seeing him in such a state once more put him on edge. However against all his expectations, Optimus did not threaten, he did not demand or speak in strange clinical whispers as he had last they met while the Prime was filled with the Unamaker's power. No, instead Optimus merely uttered his decree.

Optimus: M̴y̶ ̴m̵i̸n̶d̸ ̸w̴a̵s̵ ̷c̸l̴o̴u̵d̵e̶d̶ ̶b̵y̵ ̸m̵o̶r̷a̷l̴i̷t̸y̵ ̵t̶h̷a̵t̴ ̷I̷ ̷w̶a̴s̷ ̴n̸o̵t̸ ̵m̸e̷a̸n̶t̷ ̸t̶o̵ ̶c̶o̶m̶p̶r̴e̶h̴e̵n̷d̶.̷ ̴I̴ ̵d̷e̶v̸i̴a̴t̸e̴d̷ ̴f̵r̷o̶m̸ ̷m̸y̶ ̶p̵u̷r̴p̴o̷s̶e̶,̵ ̶a̵n̵d̵ ̴a̴l̵l̷ ̵o̷f̶ ̷P̸r̴i̸m̶u̸s̷'̴s̸ ̸c̷r̸e̴a̵t̵i̷o̶n̴s̸ ̸h̵a̵v̵e̵ ̵s̸u̴f̶f̶e̸r̵e̴d̷ ̵f̷o̷r̵ ̶i̵t̴.̴ ̵

Megatron: What do you want Prime?

Optimus: I̵ ̷w̵i̸s̷h̸ ̸t̸o̶ ̵m̴a̸k̶e̵ ̵t̷h̸i̸n̴g̸s̶ ̶r̸i̸g̷h̷t̴,̶ ̸t̷o̶ ̷e̷n̴d̵ ̵t̴h̶i̸s̶ ̸m̷e̵a̶n̴i̷n̵g̵l̸e̸s̸s̶ ̶s̵t̸a̷t̴i̸c̸ ̷c̵y̷c̶l̷e̶ ̶o̷f̷ ̷d̵e̸a̸t̸h̴ ̷a̸n̸d̷ ̶d̶e̷s̴t̵r̴u̷c̵t̸i̶o̶n̷.̸

Megatron: So you wish to slaughter me and my Decepticons with that newfound power of yours?

Optimus: N̸o̷,̴ ̷t̶h̴a̸t̴ ̶i̸s̸ ̵a̶ ̷w̵o̴r̶t̸h̷l̸e̷s̵s̵ ̶e̸n̸d̶e̸a̸v̴o̵r̸.̴ ̸T̶h̶e̴ ̵A̴u̴t̷o̴b̷o̴t̸s̴ ̴a̷r̷e̵ ̶g̷o̵o̸d̸,̵ ̴b̴u̷t̷ ̴t̷h̵e̷y̴ ̵a̸r̸e̶ ̸m̶i̷s̴g̶u̴i̶d̴e̸d̴ ̸s̶o̶ ̶g̵r̶e̶a̵t̵l̶y̵ ̵t̴h̶a̸t̷ ̶I̵ ̴c̴a̶n̵n̷o̴t̵ ̵f̶i̸x̸ ̶i̵t̷.̴ ̸T̶h̵e̷ ̷D̵e̴c̴e̷p̷t̷i̶c̷o̸n̴s̷ ̴a̷r̷e̸ ̵l̴o̴s̸t̶,̴ ̴b̸u̴t̵ ̵t̵h̷e̵y̶ ̵c̴a̵n̸ ̵b̷e̴ ̶f̶o̷u̵n̴d̶.̶

Megatron: Get to the point.

Optimus: I̶n̷ ̷e̶x̴c̸h̷a̵n̶g̶e̵ ̷f̴o̷r̵ ̶m̸y̷ ̴A̶u̸t̸o̸b̷o̷t̸s̸ ̵b̸e̴i̶n̴g̶ ̸a̷l̶l̸o̵w̸e̵d̶ ̶t̴o̴ ̷l̸i̵v̸e̵,̷ ̴I̷ ̶w̷i̷l̴l̶ ̸j̷o̵i̴n̵ ̸y̷o̵u̴ ̵a̸n̶d̵ ̷f̴i̵g̶h̷t̸ ̷f̴o̷r̵ ̸t̶h̷e̶ ̷f̵r̵e̸e̷d̴o̶m̵ ̷o̵f̵ ̶y̴o̶u̴r̸ ̶k̶i̴n̷.̷

There was a great silence from all present as the words were spoken. Starscream froze up, incapable of processing the Optimus Prime of all mecha was about to jump ship and swap sides. Soundwave very nearly lost his mind the moment the audio from the commlink was relayed to him. Every other present commander had to reboot their audial systems just to be sure they heard right. As for Megatron? He stopped, his optics wide as he listened and waited for the other shoe to drop. When Optimus said nothing else, he rebooted once and then nodded simply.

"I always knew you would make a fine Decepticon"

With no reason to doubt the Prime in his declaration and sensing Unicron's affirmation through the vague connection Megatron held to the chaos god, Optimus was soon allowed on board the nemesis. He was met with raised blades and increadible suspicion due to his prior behavior, however within a few weeks, that hostility all but vanished as Optimus proved his worth. The Decepticons were still wary of him, his field and nature as one of the Unmaker's creations ensured that. He was their opposite, a thing that was similar to them but not the same. Even still, the Vehicons laughed in joy when Optimus joined them on the battlefield as one of their own for the first time, much to the horror of the Autobots there to fight.

Bulkhead: Optimus? What are you doing?!

Optimus: I̶ ̵w̶a̵s̸ ̷l̶a̶x̶ ̷i̴n̷ ̸m̷y̵ ̷d̸u̷t̵i̸e̸s̴.̷ ̸B̵u̶t̷ ̶n̶o̵ ̷l̸o̴n̸g̵e̴r̵.̵ ̶I̷ ̶w̵i̵l̶l̵ ̴e̵n̷s̷u̸r̶e̶ ̷t̷h̶i̴s̶ ̶f̵o̷o̴l̷i̸s̸h̸ ̷w̸a̸r̶ ̶c̴o̵m̸e̸s̶ ̶t̶o̴ ̷a̵n̸ ̵e̴n̸d̶.̴

Arcee: Have you lost your mind!? What does that even mean!? What are you doing with the Decepticons?!

Optimus: D̷o̸ ̴n̷o̵t̸ ̶f̴e̸a̷r̴ ̸l̵i̵t̴t̵l̵e̸ ̵c̴h̴i̵l̵d̵r̷e̴n̷,̶ ̶y̴o̵u̷ ̸b̴e̷l̸o̷n̷g̴ ̵t̴o̸ ̶m̵e̴,̸ ̵a̸n̵d̴ ̷t̴h̶u̷s̷ ̴I̷ ̵w̵i̴l̸l̸ ̵m̶a̴k̶e̶ ̴s̴u̷r̵e̷ ̸t̴o̷ ̸k̵e̶e̶p̷ ̷y̴o̸u̷ ̴a̶l̴i̶v̶e̴ ̸a̸s̴ ̶I̴ ̵s̴e̶t̴ ̴t̵h̵i̵n̶g̶s̵ ̸r̴i̴g̸h̷t̶.̷ ̴

Unicron rejoiced as his son wrecked havoc on the battlefield. The children wept as they watched the recordings of the event. Bumblebee pulled away, blaming himself for his Sire's fall. Ratchet grew more and more guilt ridden, and the rest of the team were not much better off. They had failed and in their hubris they had driven their leader into a darkness they feared he would never emerge from. All the while the Decepticons grew more and more hopeful, all eager to see the war brought to a close even if none were comfortable around the Prime who now bore their emblem with controlled apathy.

[tippertot]

What's Cordie's relationship like with the other Hearthians, and maybe Gabbro pre-loop, mid-loop and now? :0

And, given that they feel that they can do whatever they want (however morally reprehensible) with no consequences, have they done anything particularly heinous to the rest of the Hearthians? Or do they just avoid interacting with them altogether? Be it from whatever shred of shame that might still exist in them, or bc the others aren't of any use to Cordie

(Love this character btw, they're just the actual worst and they're so fun to think about fhdhjg)

ooh i posted Gabbro's whole situation in the warp to me AU back in the ao3 comments but i can share them here too! (a lot of this comes from a convo @2isted-chocol8 and i had because they're good at prompting me to come up with wild stuff hehehe):

before the time loop, i don't think Cordie and Gabbro were particularly close. but at the same time, i think both of their memories of that time are foggy at best. they have been in the time loop for 10+ years when warp to me happens, and any semblance of reality beyond the time loop has long since withered away.

Cordie probably saw Gabbro as boring and didn't go see them that often after a while. i think Gabbro was getting very close to becoming nothing, really, just lichen on a rock, completely losing themself. but at one point long ago Cordie said "I found the source of the time loop" and that little seed never quite let go of Gabbro, and the more Gabbro emptied themself of opinions and thoughts and dreams, the more space that seed had to grow. Gabbro didn't want it, didn't like it, but their mind had gone so long without having "wants" and "likes" that some part of their nature took over and clung to that and brought them back from brink of full-on ego death. eventually, that turned into them getting off their hammock for the first time, then finding their ship for the first time, then seeing the stars go out one by one deciding all at once in a single loop that A) allowing the ego to die is the greatest betrayal of abandonment one could make to the body that housed it and that killing the body to spite the ego is the greatest mercy, and that B) the ego of the universe died upon the beginning of the time loop, but the body still lives, and the only two beings in the universe with their egos still intact are thereby duty-bound to enact mercy as is governed by the laws of nature.

so yeah, Gabbro had really really lost it by then.

though i also think that sometime after that realization and before when this story took place, Gabbro befriended Solanum. Solanum is different in this AU too, although i'm not exactly sure how. i think she is aware of the time loops, whether or not she actually "remembers" them like Gabbro and Cordie and now Erio. i think she is aware of the passage of time, and more so than just the loops after the ATP started recording memories, but all of it. i don't know what that means for her. but i do believe that she grounds Gabbro to a certain extent, helps them see things like a person would again, helps them become aware that these base concepts that Gabbro has existed through interact with the universe by means of astrophysics, and people, and a big computer that can be unplugged. Solanum helps make the world real for Gabbro again. it's a blessing and a curse, because now Gabbro remembers that Cordie is a person who can die, but now they also remember that Cordie is a person who can die, and they and Gabbro had played hide and seek on Timber Hearth together and called each other friends once. so, with Solanum's blessing and what instruction she can give, Gabbro champions for her and champions for the universe and starts trying to turn off that god dang computer.

this change in Gabbro's behavior was pretty interesting to Cordie for a while. Cordie probably even tried to engage with them to a certain extent. but at this point Gabbro's sole mission was to try to stop the time loop. Cordie does not want the time loop to stop.

by the time that warp to me begins, their arrangement is this: first thing Cordie does at the beginning of each loop is go and blow up the entrance to the ATP. they know that Gabbro won't get to it in time as long as they do this first thing, because it takes a while for Gabbro to get to their ship. Gabbro might go poke around and try to find another way in, but Cordie mostly just watches from afar or ignores them and does their own thing, not believing there is another way in.

the loops where Cordie wants to leave access to the ATP open are /much/ more interesting. Cordie used to go and blow up Gabbro's ship instead. at one point, though, Gabbro managed to ambush them while doing this. Cordie wasn't expecting this, but they were able to say just the right order of words with the right tone of voice to break Gabbro's heart just enough to get them to spare their life that loop. Gabbro didn't give up, though, and now every "ATP open" loop is a daring game of who whether Cordie can kill Gabbro before Gabbro either gives them the slip and makes a run for the ATP, or Gabbro hunts now Cordie directly.

as for the rest of the Hearthians, Cordie has not thought about or interacted with any of them in years. but during in-between time when that statue looked at them and today, during that time when Cordie was learning to stretch the bounds of their morality but people maybe still looked like people in their eyes, did they come to a point when they would be capable of acting heinously against them?

probably. almost certainly. but it's not something i really want think about much less write about, so you can use your imagination.

[ardenigh]

kevs?

additional notes in varying order of importance

- idk yet how i want the white accents to show up so it changes every time. is he redhood or not? none of my business yet

- eule-vos as a revan sort of functions as a morally chained and regulated version of whatever was going on with the revan anecdotes in kotor 2. he's still a win-at-all-costs type of guy. he'll still look at people in terms of what they can do to further his goals. he's the butcher on a leash. he's toeing the line for now because bastila and carth get weird when he doesn't but he'll also swan dive past it once they are out of line of sight.

- so ig, like, the butcher on a leash but he can step out of it whenever. he just doesn't want you getting nervous because that will be a whole nother issue to handle. he can heel just fine alright

- its like 1 am and i'm thinking about that post compilation that's like. guard/attack dog metaphors applied to people. or like how the devotion between an attack dog and the one holding its leash is as tenuous, sometimes, as the leash itself i don't know man whatever that's about. eule has shades of that. i think it's hard for any revan to not be a little unnerving on this front

- smth smth hk voice to give the illusion of control until the end comes or smth you know? like master like droid is all i am saying

- if, to solve a problem, a guy has to die - but he's with someone he values and who would disapprove of an outright murder - eule isn't above puppetmastering a circumstantial rube-goldberg execution machine yk. like, after a point does culpability even lead back to you? not really right? it's okay he will make it happen don't worry he can work within your moral constraints. you don't have to feel bad about it and you especially won't if you don't know

- (with all this in mind, outings with hk and canderous are also great times to cut loose a little)

- i don't think he struggles to love per se so much as i think that he can't do it conventionally it's always going to be built with an undertone of implacable duty or something like pity. and if he loves you he'll do it to death, only it won't be his and it might be yours. no single person is worth letting the galaxy fall, not to him

- everyone who has taken darth revan ever and smushed them together with the entire concept of having loved rome more... genius

- as is par for the course he is not a romancer he is barely a crusher alright the only remotely similar thing he's ever felt was for yuthura ban for about .4 minutes and looking back it might have just been that she's amiable and understands the shedding of morality for a goal but also, like, she's really purple and that's super eye catching (read: kev eule-vos is my walking excuse to never not bring up yuthura ban)

[toastofthetrashfire]

Shadow the Series and Hamlet

Okay so after finishing the first half of Shadow there’s so much to unpack. So instead of doing the research I should be doing for my dissertation, let’s dig into some connections between literature and BL once again!

This won’t be a fully formed meta, and I’ll probably have to make a whole other post once the whole series is out. But I wanted to start thinking about how the show is dialoguing with and speaking to similar themes as Hamlet within a queer framework.

I thought I’d work my way through some different interpretations of Hamlet and connect back to Shadow. To be clear, I’m working with scholarship on Hamlet rather than any personal interpretation of Hamlet itself (which I unfortunately haven’t read or watched in many a years).

A quick summary

Hamlet and Shadow via Freud's Oedipal Complex

Hamlet and Shadow via Lee Edelman's work on queerness, the death drive, and queer time

Hamlet and Shadow via self-recognition and resistant readings

A few other directions

Hamlet and the Oedipal Complex

Back in 1897, Freud wrote about Hamlet in a letter to a friend noting that “falling in love with the mother and jealousy of the father…[was] a universal event of early childhood.” So Hamlet was one of the texts that Freud was thinking about when he came up with the Oedipal complex as a concept.

You may be asking, as I often do, who gives a fuck what Freud thought? Well over time, Freudian interpretations of the play highly influenced how it was performed and the ways that themes about subjectivity and sexuality were portrayed.

The 1948 and 1990 film adaptations in particular put stress on a sexually charged dynamic between Hamlet and his mother Gertrude. The later film has Hamlet lying on top of and wrestling with his mother before they kiss. More recent adaptations tend to move away from this, but, overall, it’s been extremely influential in terms of how the play has been interpreted and adapted.

So how does this come up in Shadow? 

Dan’s role as Hamlet is closely framed around his relationship with his father who he beats up in the dream world right before his death. We’re introduced to Dan’s dad during his audition for Hamlet. Perhaps in the most obvious parallel, Dan recites Hamlet’s lines as he goes to find his father’s ghost. And of course, this is when Dan’s dad appears as a ghost as well.

Yet, Dan’s narrative with his father seems to buck the expected relationship between father and son. Throughout the play, Hamlet struggles between a desire to fulfill his filial duty and avenge his father and the increasing violence and tragedy this brings. But Dan? In the face of abuse, he chooses to defiantly reject his father and filial piety, accepting and even wishing for his death. In many ways, Dan’s dad is more analogous to Claudius, the usurper and man trying to kill Hamlet. Through his abuse he loses the right to be Dan’s father. 

A shallow oedipal reading of Hamlet, frames Claudius as the father Hamlet is trying to kill, but ignores that this dynamic is born from Claudius’ cruelty. By acknowledging abuse, power, and violence Shadow perhaps takes an interesting step away from a pure Freudian reading. Because ultimately Dan doesn’t want to be his father! In fact, as he speaks with him and beats him up, we can see the way Dan is shaken, not by the act of harming or killing his father, but by the idea of becoming him. His father makes clear that “becoming him” is aligned with ideas about what it means to be a man, to be “the father” within a straight patriarchal society. And in a beautiful moment of clarity and defiance as they discuss what love looks like, Dan clarifies that his mom left his father not him. 

Okay so he "kills" his dad, what about his mom?

To be honest, when I was wrapping up my watch of the episodes, my head went towards the oedipal theory as a crack theory. What if the ghost is his mom, that’d be pretty effed up lol...But now that I’ve seen that the connection isn’t just one I made, it doesn’t seem as far fetched. The scenes between Hamlet and Gertrude in the 1990s film certainly could be an influence on the shadow getting sexual if they went that route. But to be honest I don’t really think they’ll go this way. Or at least I hope not. They’re already doing more nuanced things with the oedipal dynamic. Plus I think there’s more going on if we turn to queerer interpretations anyway.

The Death Drive, Queering Freud, and Queer Time

In Freud’s work, he talked about two opposing forces. The first was the death drive (later termed Thanatos by later psychoanalysts). This was a drive toward destruction that stood opposite to eros or life-producing drives such as sex, survival, and reproduction. 

Now, in 2004, queer theorist Lee Edelman would come in and queer the heck out of these concepts. I’ll be over simplifying Edelman’s points a lot here, but hopefully the core will remain. 

Edelman would point out that the life-drive was often weaponized rhetorically, politically, and socially as a way to reproduce cultural norms. Edelman often writes about "the Child"--that is the mythical idea of a child that we should be building society and the future for. Think of how often the “think of the children” rhetoric gets used in anti-queer politics, for example. In fact, Edelman points to oedipal readings of Hamlet as one way that dominant straight society has attempted to manage a narrative where reproduction and futurity are foreclosed. Oedipal readings of Hamlet, then, could be seen as an attempt to suppress the death drive, to put it out of sight where it can’t cause disruption or anxiety.

Of course, Edelman also notes that the death drive is inherently tied to and projected onto queerness and queer people–onto “those abjected as non-reproductive, anti-social, opposed to viability, and so as threats to the Child who assures and embodies collective survival”. And so, Edelman argues that queer people should embrace the death drive and queer time–that is non-futurity and non-linear, non-productive time. 

So how might these ideas be showing up in Shadow so far?

I might think of even more later, but here’s a short list:

1. All three of our main characters are abjected. Nai is gay, Trin is gay and mentally ill, and Dan is potentially both. I think we could argue that the connection all three of them have to death also quite literally marks them as abjected. And perhaps we could consider how the supernatural elements thematically and symbolically connect to their alterity and the way this is in conflict with social norms. In fact, I’d argue that, unlike Nai and Trin who are explicitly stated to be queer and/or mentally ill, Dan’s alterity is playing out through this more allegorical channel so far. 

2. Literal death as a central focus. 

3. Haunting as a limbo between past and present. This liminality feels very queer here.

4. The idea of vengeful ghosts makes the death drive perpetually present in a way that haunts futurity. Interestingly Edelman describes the death drive as a “negativity that haunts the social order” and which is “projected onto those who occupy the position of the queer.” Haunting has very queer thematic possibilities. 

5. Think of the ghost story told in the market in episode seven. The homophobia on display clearly ties queerness to death in a way that speaks to straight norms and anxieties. 

6. Dan is told by the monk that what is happening has to do with overlapping time frames: past, present, and future

7. Dan often loses his sense of what is real or a dream, but he also has moments where he loses his sense of time and temporality. Notice how when the art statue fell and he saw his classmates dead we jump back to before he even spoke with Nai. It’s not just losing time but jumping back and forth. 

8. Sexy times with a shadow monster are certainly non-(re)productive 

9. We learn that Trin has been trying to change things, disrupt the social norms, but he is shut down and told the school needs to hold onto tradition. While we often think of tradition as referring to the past, it is very much about continuing and reproducing this into the future. School director: "But think of the future Children who won’t get to experience the epic highs and lows of high school hazing”

10. There seems to be a tension at play between Brother Anurak who is trying to get Dan to just stop believing in the shadow (not sure if that's his actual motive but still) and Dan who is slowly starting to embrace the shadow (literally and figuratively). Perhaps this could be read as embracing the death drive and queerness. 

Hamlet, Self-Recognition, and Resistant Reading

Another theme that has often been explored by folks interested in Hamlet is that of self-recognition. The play focuses so very much on Hamlet struggling with his sense of self. And this speaks well to contemporary western ideas of the individual. One scholar, Marjorie Garbor, has noted that “the experience of Hamlet is almost always that of recognition.” While another, John Gouws remarks that Hamlet and Shakespeare’s sonnets both “seem capable of functioning like Rorschach inkblots, by making us reveal (increasingly) more about ourselves the more we try saying something about them.”

It’s interesting to me then that Hamlet and Rorschach tests are both used in Shadow, but they don’t seem to say all that much about Dan. The blot is simply a tool to test if Dan is still seeing the shadow. It isn’t used to psychoanalyze him further. And when Cha-aim asks Dan to compare himself to Hamlet he hilariously just says both their dads are dead. Of course we know that Hamlet’s dad and Dan’s aren’t exactly analogous either. Dan rejects this sort of self-identification. Or perhaps, the play rejects him? At the very least we know that he can’t perform the type of filial love that Hamlet has for his own father.

But perhaps this rejection has queer implications as well. There’s a really lovely article from the perspective of a queer South African director, Thys Heydenrych. He talks about reading and staging Hamlet through a queer and decolonial lens. In his piece he quotes Hanna Kubowitz who discusses queer readers' relationship with texts. She notes that “[b]eing heterosexual has several benefits…One can enter into most cultural narratives…on the basis of simple and satisfying identification.” This of course made me think of the moment when Cha-aim asks Dan to identify with Hamlet.

Whether we read this as an active refusal on Dan’s part or as the play being inhospitable to Dan’s identification, Cha-aim is asking Dan to express and perform identity here. Perhaps this could be read as her asking Dan to narratively self-identify with straight culture and values. It makes sense in the context of her having feelings for him and ties well into the scene where she tries to pick his costume. While Dan isn’t yet identifying as queer, he seems to be dis-identifying from straightness just as he dis-identifies from his father’s version of manhood. 

Still, motifs of self-recognition or the struggle to understand oneself seem to abound. The use of mirrors in episodes 6 and 7 speak to this theme well with the blurring of self and other, while also tying into both horror motifs and the Greek mythology being referenced (Orpheus and Eurydice, narcissus perhaps). Is the shadow a part of him?   

What I’ll be curious to see is how the show chooses to engage with this theme. Will Hamlet continue to serve as a narrative that is inhospitable to identification or will it be queered. There’s a tradition of scholarship that thinks about resistant reading. This is when a reader engages with a text that wasn’t designed with them in mind, but finds potential despite this. Certainly Shakespeare’s work and Hamlet in particular have been interpreted as queer at times, and Hamlet is definitely open to these readings.

When it comes to Shadow, however, I’m interested in what one scholar, Lois Tyson, has asked about resistant reading: “How might the works of heterosexual writers be reread to reveal an unspoken or unconscious lesbian, gay, or queer presence?” This idea of a hidden queer presence speaks well to the idea of haunting. I’m really interested to see how the use of Hamlet as a narrative might speak to the idea of queerness as hidden presence and whether this continues to play out in the second half.  

A few other connections that I want to wait to think on more:

-Madness seems to be a shared theme but I want to see how Shadow handles this as a whole before commenting, but you can check out my post on queer and crip time in The Eighth Sense if you're interested in that element at all

-Power and oppression. Heydenrych’s article mentions a 2010 production that focuses on Denmark’s repressive political system and themes of surveillance, control, and abuse of power. These seem like themes working their way into Shadow but I’d want to be more familiar with the topic in Hamlet

-Suicide. There are versions of Hamlet that heighten this theme further with Gertrude and Ophelia in particular being framed as making attempts. 

-Play within a play and the blurring of fiction and reality

-Decolonial and religious elements

Sources:

Heydenrych, Thys. “‘To tell our Storie’: Reflections on a Queer Adaptation of Hamlet in Twenty-first Century South Africa” Shakespeare in Southern Africa vol 30, 2017. pp. 43-55

Edelman, Lee. “Against Survival: Queerness in a Time That’s Out of Joint” Shakespeare Quarterly, 62.2, 2011. pp. 148-169.

Edelman, Lee. No Future: Queer Theory and The Death Drive. Duke University Press, 2004.

Note: Most other sources were mentioned in the Heydenrych piece

[doctormastertardis]

I'm trying to understand the love for Clara Oswald, so I am rewatching her episodes... :) I'm not a hater, after all lol...

I also just want to re-hash my memory on The Great Intelligence, because I HAD this nagging theory about Ruby Sunday and her "snow" ability, which is connected to my theory that Ruby is a human embodiment of the TARDIS, which is also connected to my theory about why the "old Gods" of Classic Who are coming back in relation to The Flesh + Nestene Consciousness, which circles back to my theory on the return of the Toymaker's connection to the Timeless Child Arc (aka origin of the Doctor).

ANYWAY... back to Clara :)

I think the set-up between Clara and Eleven was well-written actually!!! I always did prefer her "incarnation" as Oswin Oswald over her "21st century existence". I even hoped she would ORIGINALLY be a scientist from the far future, and THAT was one of the reasons why I was initially disappointed regarding her character-trajectory.

I can understand "The Hybrid" concept from an interpersonal viewpoint. I can appreciate it as a metaphor for a toxic, co-dependent relationship only IF the audience is willing to shed light on the Doctor's history with his OTHER human companions.

And yes, it is inevitable that the Doctor as a "whole entity" (not necessarily just Twelve) would give back Clara Oswald the Gift of Eternal Life, as she did end up DEAD because of her carelessness and over-confidence due to Twelve enabling her when he tried to bring back Danny from "hell" per Clara's request.

These are a bunch of domino effects that resulted from Clara jumping into his time stream... Perhaps, Twelve's "duty of care" stemmed from the fact that he wouldn't exist without Clara. Literally. She saved him across all his timelines from the Great Intelligence (dun dun dun)-- he'll be back, mark my words. Perhaps, that was a metaphor for co-dependence. I mean, duh, it is!

She saves him from "dying", and he in return stops her from "growing" as a person.

I would have probably been satisfied with Clara if her story had ended when she jumped into the Doctor's time-stream, but alas- we wouldn't have Missy if that was the case. AND WE ALL LOVE MISSY <3

Might I also remark that it is *GOOD* writing that they also included "Me"/Ashildr (code: warrior) in The Hybrid plot, because the Doctor made this Viking girl immortal and "less human", and in a parallel circumstance he did the same for Clara... He quite literally stopped Clara's death, the same way Clara stopped HIS many deaths.

So yeah, ok, Clara didn't deserve her own TARDIS (imo). But seeing as she's "stuck" with Me (who I personally interpret as Clara's very own "dark" Doctor replacement; hence the poetic name "Me"), I think having her own TARDIS is more of a KARMA-- like, a traumatic time-machine that takes you anywhere BUT home?

In hindsight, I was bitter about the fact that Clara Oswald got her own TARDIS because it renders all the other human companions "unimportant"? Now that I'm older, I'm realizing that Clara "mirroring" the Doctor from a perspective of a broken heart (per se) can definitely be narrated from a perspective of:

"WOW THEY REALLY WERE TOXIC FOR EACH OTHER BECAUSE THEY BOTH WANTED TO AVOID THE INEVITABILITY OF DEATH."

If I decode The Hybrid in terms of human relationship, I would say that they stopped each other from GROWING. Because "death" = rebirth. And without death, life becomes stagnant.

[sodaliteskull]

The Gods Of Marenkes

The pantheon of Marenkes, going clockwise from the upper rightmost (red), we've got:

Coraxborax, the god of the arts, craftsmen, and revelry

Tarnagaar, the god of prophecy, destiny, and dreams

Zhadhul, the god of justice, law, and truth

Xanghul, the god of the day, harvest, and animals

Vulrani, the god of trade, travel, and seasons

Ransaran, the god of the afterlife, karma, and perseverance

Grelthor, the god of knowledge, innovation, and gratitude

Lyrrath, the god of the sky, storms, and forests

Quasvina, the god of duty, celestial bodies, and history

Pelexal, the god of night, the sea, and mystery

Jendrosia, the god of war, victory, and faith

Ahazhada, the god of love, passion, and courage

The gods have made sure that they are omnipresent in the lives of mortals on Marenkes by making their domains as all-encompassing as possible. Under their rule, they demand that every action a person takes is a prayer to their glory.

(I go into more depth about what each god's domains cover below the cut)

These gods are parasites (lol that fact is established in chapter 3 of this thing!), usurping the place of the actual Gods of Marenkes for their own ends. While their domains cover a wide array of concepts, there is no one god of Life or Magic, or even of the world as a whole, as all of the gods claim joint custody of these things.

There aren't any gods to "evil" concepts (things like Asmodeus, Bhaal, or Shar of D&D fame), as they are purposefully painting themselves as being benevolent, parent-type deities. That doesn't mean that they don't accept prayers from people offering them up for nefarious purposes. On the contrary, someone would have to jump through some serious hoops to justify why their prayers should be answered for evil, and these gods are in it for the energy put into a prayer, not its intent!

"Art" is subjective, and so Coraxborax has a lot of wiggle room when it comes to what it can consider prayers to itself. Anything from a composer's magnum opus, to a toddler's unsupervised crayon wallpaper scribbling are "art" enough for Coraxborax. Those who create owe their prayers to this god. And what is a celebration but another creation? This is the logic as for why parties are under this god's domain.

The hazy hopes and dreams of a people are what Tarnagaar dines upon. Anyone who hopes, or wishes, or dreams, must offer themselves up into prayer for this god's use. Any kind of divinatory practices (tarot, runes, entrails, cootie catchers, etc.) are just another form of worship as far as this god is concerned.

The rule of law, the meting out of justice, and what truth actually means are what Zhadhul feeds upon. All of these concepts are governed by this god, and so it has final say over what is (or isn't) considered a crime. Judges and criminals alike both pray to this god.

The glory of the sun, and all that grows under its divine light, Xanghul claims credit for all of these things. Food, resources, pets, a perfect day at the beach, prayers should be offered up in thanks.

Getting people and goods from one place to another in the world is highly dependant on what time of year it is, and so Vulrani takes advantage of this interconnected system when harvesting prayers. Farmers looking to ship their produce are as likely to pray to this god as vacationers looking for favourable weather are.

Death is a scary concept, but knowing that there is someone standing at the precipice between that and life is a comfort, which Ransaran takes full advantage of. Rebirth is a known fact on Marenkes, and so the people offer up their prayers that the departed will get what they deserve in their next life, for good or ill. Continuing on in the face of adversity, knowing that your next life will be better, is something that keeps people praying.

Technological advancement is something that the gods keep a tight leash on, and so the people better be grateful for what they allow to come to fruition! Grelthor is the arbiter of what can or can't be developed, and so this god, more than any other, has a heavier hand in controlling what information mortals have access to. The knowledge that it is doing this is certainly not one of those pieces of information!

The natural world can be a scary place, the forest a beast at your back while the weather above is a fickle monster, Lyrrath demands prayers in exchange for safety when dealing with these forces. Fear of uncertainty, and fear of the unknown, this god will have its tithe.

The iron clad oath and the one who upholds it, the past made immutable thanks to the passage of time, and the perceived eternity of the heavens above, Quasvina is the overseer of all these things, an immovable force that will have its due. Those who pray for change and those who pray for things to stay the same will both bend in supplication to this god.

Things that are vast, deep, and conjure an existential dread in the soul are the things Pelexal holds domain over. Sailors hoping for an easy journey, the child afraid of the monster under the bed, those who revel in the wonder of the unknown, all of them pray to this god.

For Jendrosia, war and faith go hand in hand, as both lead to the other. Under this god's control, that is. The stability of peace times and the chaos of conflict are fertile grounds for prayers, and with all sides praying for their own successes to the same god, it means there's never a shortage of prayers coming in.

Matters of the heart are Ahazhada's source of prayer. Familial love, romantic love, the love of a little treat after work, all these things fall under this god's domain. Passion could mean lust of the flesh as much as it could mean a drive in one's soul for some cause or desire. As for courage, well, you need that to pursue both what you love and what you are passionate about.

[rillils]

no bc at the end of the day, when steve and bucky were on the helicarrier, and steve already stopped it from killing a bunch of people, steve didnt fight back

because at the end of the day, he took every single one of bucky's punches thinking that its his fault that this happened to bucky

because at the end of the day, Steven Grant Rogers just stood there while he was getting beaten up

because at the end of the day, James Buchanan Barnes knew him

NO BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY, STEVE WAS WITH HIM TIL THE END OF THE LINE

oh god THE FEELS, honey, why do you do this to me 😭

oh. oh no. darling I must ramble, I just, I can't help it, I can't *shrieks*

just. how relieving it must be for Steve, to know that he doesn't have to fight Bucky anymore, that he doesn't have to hurt Bucky anymore. now that his mission is complete and the world is safe again, Steve doesn't have to be Captain America anymore, and you can see the shift in him the moment he lets himself leave all of that behind - the world, the public, his mantle, his duty. it's like a weight has been lifted off his chest and he can finally breathe.

he physically divests himself of all of it: he takes off his cowl, lets go of his shield, and stands before Bucky as only Steve Rogers - because at the end of the day, that's the man Bucky knew, that's the man Bucky saw whenever he looked at him.

it's kind of like that day, in that bar, 70 years before, when Bucky told him that no, Cap wasn't the one he was ready to lay down his life for: Steve was.

what Steve is saying now is just, the other side of the coin. Captain America might have other priorities; he might have to put the greater good first, and worry about the rest later. But Steve's number one priority is Bucky: everything else is just background noise. and the man standing before Bucky now is Steve, as vulnerable and true as he can be.

he's not an ideal, or a symbol, or an abstract concept: he's a man made of flesh and blood, and he's in so much pain, and he's stubbornly forcing himself to stand upright rather than curling in on himself like his body desperately wants to, because there's no agony worse than knowing that Bucky's right here, and still just out of reach.

you know, we always say that Steve stops fighting back in this scene, but that's not quite true, I don't think. Steve is still fighting, just not in the same way as before. and what he's fighting for now, is for Bucky to come home.

Your name is James Buchanan Barnes, he says. You are my friend. You've known me your whole life. Come back to me, he says, I'm here waiting for you.

this is how Steve's fighting back against Bucky's rebuttal: not with his fists, not with his shield, but with his heart. each time Bucky hits him, vibranium against mere human flesh, breaking skin, bruising bone, desperately trying to make Steve shut up, resorting to violence because that's the only way Bucky can defend himself against the nightmarish reality that's coming down around him, Steve responds with love. with all the incommensurable love he's been carrying in his heart for Bucky all these years, through time and death.

Steve responds with the only thing he's got left to give, after he's given all of himself; and, incidentally, the thing Bucky has been denied the most, ever since he fell out of that train.

what Steve is saying to Bucky, in every way he can, is: I love you.

You have a name. You're not a machine, you're not a thing to be owned and used. You are a person. You are Bucky. I know you.

and how many times have we said that to know someone, to really know them inside and out, is to love them?

I know you. I've shared my whole life with you. I love you.

but even more than that, I think he's telling Bucky, You know me, too. You loved me, too.

because Bucky may have been told otherwise for 70 years, but he too has a heart. he too is allowed to feel, to care, to love, to think, to just- be. to a man who has been brutalized beyond all comprehension, weaponized, dehumanized by any means possible, Steve is saying, You are human, and they cannot erase that, no matter how hard they try.

and I think this is where I start crying, 'cause gsjdkfldkg

choosing to echo Bucky's own words from when they were younger, that's, god that's just.

first of all, it tells you just how important those words were to Steve, how deeply they touched him, and how much he cherished them all his life, if they've stayed with him until now. second, it's easy to assume that possibly, nah, probably, nay, definitely, it didn't happen just the once -- Steve must have heard Bucky say it time and again, right? every time Steve got too stubborn, when he thought he should shoulder the weight of the whole world on his own, Bucky must have reminded him of his vows, and told him that he would never be alone.

but- but we don't even need speculation here, do we? we have proof of that.

when Steve asked Bucky if he was staying in Europe to keep fighting, didn't Bucky tell him he would follow him, yes, even "into the jaws of death"? when Steve tried to tell him to save himself, didn't Bucky scream No, not without you? and isn't the true meaning behind those words always one and the same? I'll be by your side until the end, no matter what.

that's a lifetime's worth of loyalty, of love, of selfless devotion that Steve's offering back to Bucky now. This is who we are, you and I, Steve says with what little strength he's got left. This is who we have always been. We don't give up on each other, we don't leave each other behind.

and if it's true that Steve's Bucky is gone forever, if it's true that he died a long time ago, broken over and over, then the least Steve can do is stay with him, with what's left of him, until his own dying breath. because that's what they promised each other. besides, Steve's already lived in a world where he'd lost Bucky; he's not going to go through that again.

Then finish it, he says. If you must, if that's what you need from me, then kill me. If your hands are cold, lay me on your fire to keep them warm. I'm not letting you down again.

and when a glimpse of recognition finally appears in Bucky's eyes, moments before the glass pane under them crashes and Steve falls, and you know that Steve's words have finally broken through the programming, then--!!! *SCREAMS*

for a second before he falls, just for a split second, Steve looks up and there's Bucky looking back at him. doesn't that just kill you??? that Steve probably thinks he's dying, just when he'd finally got Bucky back? must they always be just out of reach of each other? must one of them always, inevitably fall, ripped away from the other?

but. but Bucky gives their story a different ending, this time.

Bucky jumps after him. with a dislocated shoulder, a possible concussion, several bruises, and a fucking storm raging in his head, he dives into the Potomac and grabs onto Steve for dear life, dragging both of their spent bodies back to the shore.

he has to go; but first, he makes sure Steve's still breathing.

and and and and and honey, just, the way he pauses and looks down at Steve for those endless seconds, without saying a single word, just lingering there for a while, I'm- I'm getting emotional just thinking about it.

what is he seeing? does he remember Steve's name, has it come back to him? is he fighting off a different image of Steve, resurfacing from the back of his mind? does he want to reach out, touch Steve again just to make sure he's real? is he wondering why he jumped in the first place? is he struggling to understand? to figure out where this instinct to protect Steve comes from? is he trying to commit Steve's face to memory, afraid that he'll forget again? is he saying goodbye? is he hoping Steve will wake up and beg him to stay, tell him more, call him by that name again?

ALL I KNOW FOR SURE IS I'M CRYING AGAIN

[r0-boat]

A little bit of Silas headcanons

Still writing the horny fic but I'm in a mood to give a little extra.

Silas x gn! Reader

Cw: yandere character, possessiveness, mentions of murder.

Sfw

Silas does not understand the concept of if you love something set it free. He believes that if you truly love something you would take care of it and protect it.

Everyone wants to talk about feral Silas but what about sweet and soft Silas? What about when he is exhausted from his Royal duties all he wants to do is find you rap his arms around you and hold you. he missed you so much, Silas it's a big cuddle bug, his favorite part of the day, this feeling your warm body close to him nuzzling his face into your neck and inhailing your scent to come him down.

Silas is jealous, is you.... in front of you, he'll be pouty and clingy. You can see the frustration and anger on his face when you talk about a past lover. If they ever see them in person, he'll be cold and arrogant, thinking himself to be better; however, if it's a guard Butler or maid, or anyone he will kill them with his bare hands, seeing them as unworthy for a swift and merciful death by his sword.

Silas gives you your own room. The more You escape or disobey, the more you slowly lose more privileges. He wants to spoil you and provide you with everything if you submit to him and accept his love. If you keep disobeying him and escaping like a mere prisoner, he will treat you as such. He does not mind seeing you with a collar attached to a chain he holds around all day so you will not leave his side. He does not mind you sitting in his lap like a little fidget toy for him to play with while he does his work. His feather pen in one hand scratching on the paper while his other squeezing your thigh, playing with your hair, running his hand underneath your shirt, etc.

you'll never see that Prince more happy if you yourself ask to sleep in his own room. Despite Silas having such an innocent look on love he's not stupid he expects you to struggle. So be fun to watch his eyes widen when you ask to sleep in his bed.

Yes Silas reads romance novels he's a hopeless romantic in his loyal Library there's a whole section of just romance novels he's absolutely obsessed with the idea of Falling in Love, love at first sight, soulmates. Feeding his innocent and Rose tinted, delusional thoughts on love. Silas has never felt the feeling of falling in Love before, he firmly believes that it was meant to be even if you didn't feel the same he believes that it will happen it just takes time for you to realize those feelings as well. he has never been truly loved for a long time so he craves it, he craves it more than a man craves food.

Silas doesn't fully understand the more Primal animalistic Cravings he has. These desires can be controlled; Silas just doesn't; it feels much better to satisfy those cravings than to hold them back.

Silas loves birds. He orders over birds of paradise with beautiful plumages. He has a whole aviary in the castle Courtyard full of colorful birds. His favorite, of course, are lovebirds. When he was a general in his father's Army, he had a falcon, practicing falconry. He had trained a crow to deliver his messages since birds were much faster than carriages, he would constantly have the upper hand in battle, attacking when the enemy was ill-prepared.

[huntersoath]

“Now, as we face the perils of the long night, I pledge to remember the oath of daylight. To enshrine tears, life, and love, holding dawn’s coming as my votive– and so shall I never despair.”

** These are my thoughts on where I stand with Clorinde's character as a whole following her SQ. Spoilers below for sure, I highly recommend waiting to read until you've done her SQ!!! **

Duty and Grief

Clorinde doesn’t regret any of the choices she’s made. Everything she does is done with the full acceptance of what her duty is, and she fully embraces the path she’s taken as a weaponized aspect of Fontaine’s justice. That sentiment extends even to the duel with Callas; in her mind, the absolute greatest way she could honor the man was to give him the fairest chance to prove his innocence. His desire to fall in the ring was something only she could provide him in that moment, and she took the killing blow knowing that it’s what he would have wanted. Regardless of how she personally felt about the situation, or about how she knew Navia would feel, it was her duty in that moment to give him a fair trial by combat.

This doesn’t absolve her of the personal weight she feels as a result, though. Callas might as well have been one of the only healthy parental figures she had in her life, judging by the content of her recent SQ. According to Navia, Clorinde frequently spent the night in favor of remaining with her master, and other dialogue opens the idea that Clorinde felt little intimidation in approaching him when it came to specific matters.

While it’s evident that her Master didn’t hold a complete lack of care for Clorinde’s wellbeing, it’s very apparent that she did NOT provide a healthy environment for a child to grow up in. It’s the beginning of her self-image of being nothing more than a weapon to be wielded by the Courts, and she plays into this concept with the quote:  “For when I draw my blade, I am but an instrument of Fontaine’s law.”  This is heavily reinforced by the fact that she was taught to wield a blade from as early as three years old, and it gives the impression that her performance and ability to improve her combat skills is what made her feel worthy in Petronilla’s eyes. (Whether this was the case for Petronilla herself, we won’t know. I doubt it considering her old cape was left for Clorinde, as the action felt very deliberate.)

Where her Master provided her with tools, Callas and Navia provided her with love. Clorinde taught Navia that she’d always have someone to back her up– Navia taught Clorinde what the warmth of love felt like. 

I don’t doubt that Clorinde felt a lot of conflict upon seeing the contrast between herself and Navia. She’d never be resentful, but I don’t doubt that she (as a child) wondered what she was doing wrong in her life to not be surrounded by love in the same manner that Navia was. Judging by the way she speaks of her past, talking about how she was unable to sleep without her Master nearby– I suspect that she harbors some rather nasty abandonment issues from a combination of her absent parents and absent Master.

This extends into her adulthood as well, when she chooses to entrust the shortsword to Navia in an attempt to keep their friendship alive in the aftermath of Callas’s death. She’s too afraid to face Navia head-on, afraid to lose every aspect of her best (and probably only) friend if she were to stay. She takes the approach of leaving before she’s left first, even though we know that it’s not what she wanted in the end. 

She doesn’t lack confidence in her work. She’s aware of her skill level, and she’s aware that her prowess far outperforms every other duelist in the Court. In her personal life, though, it’s not the same. See: “Navia… Did you really mean everything you said?” (that’s not the exact quote but I’ll update it when I find it) With her older years, though, it doesn’t seem to be as much of an issue, but she still continues to tiptoe around it with Navia. She’s not even the one to broach the topic first– it’s Navia who brings it up. Whether that stems from a respect for Navia’s feelings or an anxiety for facing the possibility of losing Navia again, I’m not sure. If I had to wager, it’s likely a combination of both.

While Clorinde has spent a good amount of time mourning the loss of both Callas and Petronilla, nothing hurt her quite in the same way that Navia’s loss did. Navia is open with the fact that Clorinde is, and always will be, her best friend– there is 0 doubt in my mind that Clorinde returns the sentiment, if not even more. Navia’s the one person that has never left her, and even with their estrangement, it was NEVER Navia who made that decision to separate them from each other.

I suspect she left because Clorinde never learned how to mourn. She’s never been given the opportunity to, whether it was out of expectation to remain strong, or just never having a chance. How was she supposed to mourn people that disappeared without a trace? How could she justify mourning Callas, when it was her fault that he was gone in the first place? How would that feel right?

So when it comes to facing her grief, the only thing she knows how to do is remove herself from it entirely. Instead of grieving with Navia, she removes herself from the situation as a whole, and consumes herself with her duty. (See:  The fact that she never takes days off, and the fact that Navia mentions that she’s always working.)

Her self-sacrifice knows no bounds as it is, and that only multiplies when it comes to Navia. Before the duel with Callas, she would have done anything for her just because of her love for her best friend– after the duel, it’s a mixture of love and a sort of atonement. After her SQ, it’s just her love being stronger than it was before, since she’s finally realized what she really does mean to Navia. And vice versa. Whether you read into that love as platonic or more, that’s up to you! (I personally lean more towards romantic, but that’s just me *twirls hair*)

She’s long since healed and grown from the scars left behind by those who have abandoned her– and I suspect a large part of that is from Navia, who has never left her side. Regardless of the relationships she forms from this moment forward, there is nothing that will compare to that level of comfort that the two of them hold with one another. 

Clorinde is really not as complicated of a person as people make her out to be. Her motives are very cut and dry, and while there’s a natural conflict between duty and personal feelings, the things that matter to her are very obvious. She’s a kind person, much more than she lets on, judging by the way that she’s the first to visit Furina after her move and expresses concern about getting her a better place to live. She holds an affinity for SOME animals (ones she doesn’t hunt lmao), but we only see that in her web event with the damn birds. She doesn’t hesitate to help other citizens, and in her voice lines we hear her talk about how she’ll blindfold herself if her opponent in a duel is visually impaired. 

She wants to provide a fair chance to as many people as she can, considering her start in life wasn't fair by any means. It's not how you start, but it's what you make of it-- regardless of the hand you've been dealt.

THIS IS STILL A WORK IN PROGRESS AND I’LL DEFINITELY WORD VOMIT MORE ABOUT HER BECAUSE HER SQ HAS JUST SENT ME INTO A FRENZY RAAAAAAAAAAH