#when i was growing up.
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everyone knows the real thanksgiving celebration is the car ride home where you psychoanalyze your parents to make sure you don’t end up the same😌
#4.5 hours of driving never goes by so quickly#this year especially!#my parents are 70 years old now and the topic of how to parent my parents is a very real concern.#they both are so good at letting the setbacks fester and istg my mom has never been more scatterbrained and petulant in her life.#my dad also definitely has anxiety but is of an age where he would never quite realize that.#they’re so stubborn and determined to be independent but at what cost?? and the way they talk behind each others back…#today i had to passionately defend some of my dad’s choices to my mom in ways i could have not anticipated for being kinda distant from him#when i was growing up.#anyways. happy holidays! always an interesting time!
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#text#polls#asking for Me... ive been wondering what the average for this is for YEARS#my textbook says 8-10 years old#my experience i think is abnormal bc i identified as ace spec til i was like 16 And i think i actually Was#i think my sexuality changed due to factors probably but i dont think those factors were 'growing up'. yknow. especially bc i hit puberty#when i was like 8 i think
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you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.
but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.
i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.
so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.
you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."
i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"
"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.
i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.
and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.
you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."
"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."
you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.
i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"
"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."
"do i die?"
you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."
"oh."
"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."
i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.
i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.
"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."
i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.
you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."
"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.
you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."
"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.
i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."
you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."
"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."
"you could always die, to be fair."
i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"
"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."
i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."
"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."
i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"
"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."
i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push the heel of my palm into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"
i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.
"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."
you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.
you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.
i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.
#warm up#prose#i just realized that there's a horror film in there about being someone NOT in a loop.#if i wanted to make it longer i'd have them come back like SUPER battered and hellish.#on round like 999#like halfway through lunch like - YOU . I LOVE U . IM SORRY . I RUINED IT BC I LOVE U CANT U SEE THAT#but like. yeah man what happens when someone else in control of ur destiny#what happens to all the versions of u that DO die...#i also wanted a pre-redemption time looper - this person#(who in my brain is they/them)#is absolutelyyyyyy toying with the narrator bc the time looper is caught up in like#an emo angsty '' i can't have what i want bc i ruin things'' self harm spiral#and like literally the way out of that spiral is to TRY bud.#but this is a person pre-redemption. still kind of an ass. still not really listening to her#still a little bit ignoring that they kissed someone 3 days ago#still KNOWS she likes them and DOES like her back. but is just too chickenshit still.#we're talkin that person we've ALL dated that's like ''i can't be with u anymore bc i am Too Broken and I Can't Stand Hurting U"#... i imagine they grow up tho. eventually.
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Hate hate hate how when I get angry there is a physical reaction but it's not glowing eyes or growing claws or something it's crying. This feels unfair.
#despise how when I get angry I can't beat people up and then grow wings or something#I have to just sit there and NOT DO ANYTHING
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growing up!
#FALLS TO THE FLOOR!!!!#so shocking news: the silver artbook actually killed me a little. this is the first finished pic ive made since#wow isnt it crazy that 26 completed illustrations would kinda take it outta ya. bananas. i need to Not do a full bg again for a minute#i had the stupid thought like 'oohhgh i could do a series of silver and lilia as hes growing up!!' im HITTING ME!!! NO MORE SERIES!!!#I CAN DO NON-RELATED PICS OF THAT IF I MUST!!! THE PRESSURE OF A SERIES IS TOO TIRING RN!!!!#my life is a whirlwind i JUST moved and now might need to move again bc the nepotism might work and id make a ton more#im trying to sell my house and its going very poorly. im doing well at work. ID HAFTA MOVE ACROSS THE COUNTRY AGAIN#ID BE BACK NOOOORTH id go to pennsylvania <3 im from new york so the thought of being closer to my mom is rly nice#and i have friends there both from high school and ohiiiio and new england etc etc!!!! YAY!!!#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#lilia vanrouge#suntails#did u miss this. be honest. when i vanish for months at a time do u miss the rambling life updates. theyre who i am
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Bruce being a toxic boy mom when it comes to nightwing will never not be funny as fuck he is literally the biggest nightwing defender one bad word against him and the next day he’ll show up at ur house
Bonus:
#you won’t join the justice league you’ll be leading them#Bruce: nightwing is literally the best vigilante to ever exist#Bruce: when I grow up I wanna be like nightwing#meanwhile dick: ugh Bruce literally doesn’t respect me he always treats me like a child he thinks I’m incompetent#Bruce: you are literally who I aspire to me you’re the only thing I’ve ever done right in my entire life#dick: he’s such an ass I’m not a child anymore!! I can take care of myself why won’t he trust me??#Bruce: losing you would literally be the death of me I won’t lose you cause I’ll be joining you in death#batman#dc comics#bruce wayne#batfam#batfamily#dc robin#dick grayson#dcu#nightwing#good dad bruce wayne#unhinged dad Bruce Wayne#dick and bruce#shitpost#incorrect batfamily quotes#incorrect batman quotes#batman twitter au
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Hero.
#legend of zelda#echoes of wisdom#loz eow#loz#zelda#tri#josh art tag#been meaning to do a full on stained glass drawing for like 2 years now lol#ive had ideas but none really stuck with me until this one#and the reason why is cuz this one was more of a scene! it wasnt just a normal drawing made to look like stained glass#it had what is supposed to be a literal window with someone standing before it looking up at it#also i find the timing of this drawing funny#cuz i just recently changed my shading style to resemble stained glass even more so than usual#cuz for years now ive gottem comments saying#my style reminds people of stained glass#and sometimes i see it sometimes i dont#cuz my shading style changes and sometimes it really did look glass like#but other times i dont think it did?? but i still got those comments??#maybe its like the way i do lineart or block out shapes?#idk but recently when i was growing tired of my previous coloring style i remembered those comments#and decided to lean into it#but now just a little while after that#here i am doing a legit stained glass illustration lol
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thinking about a Damian who was raised his entire life hearing how much he looks like his Father, how he's the blood son, how he's better than any other child Bruce Wayne has taken in, starting to buy into it like a kid does, only to hit puberty and turn out looking like 80% Talia.
#you know how some kids look like one parent until adulthood?#that's what i hc for damian#he looks like bruce until puberty#as an adult he looks like talia#bruce wayne#batman#damian wayne#talia al ghul#dc#batfamily#thoughts#something something social currency but only within the batfamily#it's a sore subject#and they roll their eyes when damian says dumb shit like this#because they know ra's and talia fed it to him since infancy#but then he grows up and slowly stops saying it#and they have to wonder if damian is disappointed#or if he's grown past caring#maybe this is a wild hc idk#i'm just rambling in between meetings#i KNOW he looks like bruce in canon as an adult#but like#i want him to be 5'8 and look like talia#I find it such a satisfying book end to the emphasis placed on him as the blood son#and I think he deserves to be more than just a bruce clone you know#even if the transition stings
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sources: ophelia, act IV, scene V // traci brimhall, dear eros // unknown // suzanne scanlone, promising young women // destiny, fieldplates gauntlets // camille rankine, emergency management // fatima aamer bilal, being unwanted is a language // unknown
#the burden of being known#i miss when i could let people know me without feeling shame#the loneliness of growing up#web weaving#grief#web writing#poetry#web weave#word weaving#words words words#spilled words#spilled poetry#actually bpd#bpd#depressing shit
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Normalize letting trans kids live.
Every trans child on this planet deserves to be safe & supported.
#text post#lgbtq#lgbt#trans#transgender#nonbinary#queer#gender queer#genderfluid#nex benedict#say their name & the name of every other trans people killed from hate#Nex deserved to grow up. And they deserved to feel safe at school. neither of those things will happen now.#when I first saw this story a couple days ago I was enraged to read that not only were they denied medical care they were also suspended
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꧁★꧂
#when i grow up#grow up#beautiful garden#garden#plants#sweet#sign#calaway park#flickr#oldweb#old web#2008
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i don't think you all understand how much they mean to me
#cr#critical role#c2e45#beaureblogs#m9 rewatch#brjeaus#there is something about fjord taking one look at beau's prickly demeanor and going 'i can fix that'#BECAUSE THAT WAS HIM#HE WAS BEAU#BUT HE COULDN'T BE BEAU GROWING UP BECAUSE HE WAS 'SCARY'#SO YES HE DOES KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING WHEN HE SUPPORTS HER AND COACHES HER AND ENCOURAGES HER#THAT'S HIS BEST FRIENDDDDDD
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The last centaurs, Aziraphale and Crowley, and their little foal Orion 💛
#good omens#aziraphale#crowley#ineffable husbands#aziracrow#orion#centaurs#centaur#centaur au#centaurs aren’t gendered when they’re foals#they’ll decide who they want to be while growing up#so Orion can go by any pronouns for now#also the dog name is Pantoufle#procreate#digital art#fanart#my art#I have no idea how horse anatomy works I’m super sorry#I was too lazy to check for refs 💀#pregnancy#giving birth
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Fic Idea where Fiddleford helps Stan rebuild the portal, but Stan finds out that Fiddleford has a wife and he's like
"You have a WIFE?? That DIDN'T marry you to steal your car and money???? What are you DOING here???"
"Yeah, well.... She's better off thinking I'm dead somewhere....."
"A WIFE. That LOVES you. Get outta here and go explain yourself, Idiot!!"
"She and our son shouldn't have to deal with--"
"YOUR SON???!!?!!??"
Anyways, so Stan helps Fiddleford reach out and explain himself to his wife, but expresses that he wants to keep being in Gravity Falls, so his wife and kid go to live with them in The Shack instead.
Blah blah blah, bonding happens, Stan bags Fiddleford AND his wife and becomes a step dad, God bless 🙏
#I don't see enough of Fiddleford's wife ngl#i just want Stan to be loved#this fic idea has been in my mind for ages 🙏#LET THEM BE POLYAMOROUS AND IN LOVE!!!! RIGHT NOW!!!!#Stan is such a poly bi-con TRUST 🙏#Stan and Fiddleford's wife help Fidds stop using the memory gun#Fiddleford and his wife help Stan feel loved#JUST HEAR ME OUT THEY COULD HAVE A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP#Tate gets 2 dads for the price of 0#cause in canon Fiddleford left when he was a baby and lost his mind so he didn't get any dads#let that kid grow up in an unbroken house hold 🙏#omg you know how in canon Tate works at the bait shop next to the lake#Stan would SO take Tate fishing#he would be such a good dad guys give him a chance😭#cole's talking#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddlestan#fiddleford x stanley#fiddleford x fiddleford's wife x stanley#just hear me out guys 🙏#fiddleford's wife
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Sandwiches
So! Clark is a Kid, and he is making a sandwich, but the Ketchup he puts on it accidentally makes a Summoning Sigil.
He turns around to find a Glowing Eldritch Being floating behind him.
He stares at the Eldritch Beast.
The Eldritch Beast stares at him.
Clark wordlessly picks up 2 more slices of bread, makes a other sandwich, and offers it to Being.
It takes the Sandwich, looks at him, and smirks before saying, "Not bad." And disappearing.
The next day, Clark's parents told him that they were going to have an extremely bountiful Harvest that year, and that they would be able to pay off all of their remaining Debts, lifting all of the stress that he had seen them begin to accumulate over the years.
Later that week during the Party to celebrate their success, Clark sneaks away with a plate of Food, draws that same circle on his favorite Tree, and leaves the Plate of food alongside a note saying "Thanks!"
And thus was the start of an incredible, but rather strange, friendship.
(BTW I left the specific Ghost blank to play around with, cause maybe it wasn't Danny)
#Dpxdc#Dp x dc#Dcxdp#Dc x dp#Danny Phantom#Dc#Dcu#Clark's childhood friend is a Ghost#Clark gave them a Sandwich so they decided to do him a favor and helped with the Family Farm#They weren't expecting another plate of food with a note saying thanks but they appreciated it#They visit Clark every now and then as he grows up#Sometimes they are the ones to bring food#Turns out Clark really likes Kryptonian Dishes for some reason so they keep bringing those when it's their turn#The identity of the Ghost was left blank for a reason#Most think of Danny#I personally like the idea of Fright Knight or Pandora being the ones to meet him#Or maybe even Clockwork
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Edwin's ghostly double-age is so important to me. He's 16 and spent 70 years in hell. He's 124 and navigating the issues in his first real friendship. He's 16 and he helps ghosts move on to the afterlife like a mystery solving psychopomp. He's 124 and coming to terms with liking boys. He's 16 his hellfire-forged soul was used as a living battery. He's 124 and he's wearing his stupid little schoolboy uniform collecting trinkets with his bestie. He's 16 and he died over a century ago
#i just.#something about growing up far too much and not enough at the same time#something about being stunted and strange and painfully seperate from most of your peers simply because of how you are#something about how the scary parts are when you're the youngest and the social parts are when you're the oldest#dbda#dead boy detectives#Edwin Payne
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