#when i want something androgynous
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trying to figure out how i can get a haircut without getting an hour long lecture from a stylist telling me i need to stop coloring my hair because i DO plan on giving my hair a long much needed break from color but hearing it makes me feel really anxious and guilty
#op#i’m thinking maybe if i book online i can find a place that lets me leave notes or at least has an email i can send a warning to#like ‘my hair is really damaged by color i want to give it a chance to thrive’ 😭#i also am trying to find a place that will be cheap but still give me a good haircut because i don’t really have money but i need a good cu#and i won’t be happy with any more length being taken off unless i get layers#i also. kinda wanna see about finding an lgbtq/trans friendly place because i’m tired of going and getting super feminine cuts#when i want something androgynous#but i’ve only found a few places that market as lgbt friendly in my area and they’re either pricey or fully booked or both :/
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E&T: Caught in the Clutches of Lust
No im not sorry for any of this. cope and seethe
Btw I used a line from @painsandconfusion and @wormwriting's degradation starter list that I saved THREE YEARS AGO for this very moment. I am always playing the long game (⊙ˍ⊙)
←Previous - Masterlist
Ingredients: VERY creepy/intimate whumper, implied threat of noncon, a lot of noncon touching (unsexy but right on the edge), implied noncon kiss, unsexy nudity
Shiori?
No, it couldn’t be, she was a world away, she was human, he’d left her waiting by the fountain after the party and she’d moved on and forgotten about him, no reason to follow him here, into the depths of hell, looking exactly like she had the night of the party, jarringly out of place in her pretty dress, smiling at him like he wasn’t a blood-covered, unrecognizable version of himself.
And then he blinked, and all of a sudden it wasn’t Shiori at all, but Lythia, wearing the same yellow bandana that she always did while she was working in the palace gardens, the little black braids of her hair just as beautiful as he remembered. There was no pity in her dark eyes, like there had been the last time he saw her, looking up at him from the crowd while he was chained to that pillar, promising he’d be rescued after it was already too late. Actually seeing her hurt, and Erebus looked away for a moment, just a moment…
When he saw the woman in front of him now, his jaw dropped, eyes widening, his tense, burning hands finally relaxing.
“Come on, let’s get you somewhere safe.”
Her voice was just as he remembered, and she was smiling at him so kindly, her eyes soft, her gloved hand outstretched, she was here to save him, she’d found a way to bring him back, he was too tired and scared and stressed to do anything else besides surrender control to her once again, to take her small hand and follow her blindly towards the fate she’d chosen for him. She was squeezing his still-healing hand tightly in hers, but she could do whatever she wanted with him just as long as she got him out of this place.
“Well, that was easy.”
The voice wasn’t Shiori’s, or Lythia’s, and it certainly wasn’t Neteri’s.
Erebus jumped back, finally seeing the person next to him clearly for the first time. She-they?-smirked at him, bright purple eyes sparkling. Their white hair was long and wavy, partially braided back with impeccable precision. Gold jewelry and a low-cut black dress accentuated their natural beauty, seeming very out of place in this hellish world. Most striking of all, though, was their bright red skin, a shade that was very familiar to Erebus.
This was a lust demon, and she’d lead him right into her lair.
“You-how did-I-”
They laughed, deep and bright, obviously amused by his shock and confusion. “You only saw what your heart wanted you to see, darling. It’s not my fault you turned into a meek little lamb and followed me here.”
Erebus’s face grew hot. “Well I-I…” his wings sank behind him. He’d thought he was about to be saved. Like an idiot. She’d led him away from the bubbling pools and acrid air into a sort of cave, a furnished one at that. But now he was cornered in here, at a disadvantage in the cramped space. He swallowed and changed the topic, hand resting on the pommel of his sword. “Who are you and what do you want with me?”
“Apologies.” She bowed slightly, the sort of bow people gave when they were pretending to show respect during negotiations, but then declared war a few weeks later. “My name is Asmodeum, and really,” they gave him a disapproving look, “I’d rather not fight with you. I heard you’ve defeated Somiaken and Vorath already, but I believe you and I could work something out without coming to blows.” They held their hands up briefly, but the way they watched him made it clear that their guard was still up. “So, tell me your name, now. Unless you’d prefer I just call you darling?”
Erebus very much did not want that, so he complied. “Erebus. But you didn’t really answer my question. What do you want, if not to fight me?”
Asmodeum sighed wistfully. “Well, I can tell that you’re the sort of person who’ll never agree to what I really want, but I believe something can be arranged. You see, I’ve been stuck here for Akumo knows how long with no toys to play with. So, I was thinking-”
“I-I’m not gonna be your toy,” Erebus choked, his throat feeling like it was closing up.
“Ah, ah, ah.” Asmodeum wagged a finger. “Let me finish, dear. I could have my way with you quite easily, you know. It would be oh so effortless to drag you back into my domain proper and throw you into a pool of boiling water or lava and watch the show. However, I think your forced cooperation would make this a little more fun, and it would be nice if you behaved for me. So, if you let me do what I want with you, barring the most intimate acts, I’ll let you kill me once I’ve had my fill.”
“What happens if I don’t say yes?”
Asmodeum casually examined their nails. “I will take you by force and I will defile you.”
“D-defile?! You don’t mean…” Erebus quickly glanced down, and Asmodeum smiled wickedly.
“Oh, I do mean. If you let me play with you, I swear I won’t do anything of the sort. Call it an incentive. So come on, Erebus, get rid of your sword.” Erebus just tightened his grip on it, weighing his options. As much as he didn’t want to let this demon…play with him...did he really have any other options? He was exhausted, and there wasn’t much room in here for him to try and put up a proper fight. And more than anything, he really, really didn’t want to risk being...Despite the anxiety building in his chest, Erebus unbuckled the sword belt around his waist, setting it carefully on the ground.
“Fine. But if you so much as touch me there I’ll-I’ll make you regret it.” How would he do that? He wasn’t sure. But he just-he had to make it clear that he wasn’t surrendering. He was just…agreeing to play along. Just to get a break from fighting. He was okay with this. He’d be fine. He'd been through so much worse.
He'd be fine.
“I promise I won’t cross that boundary, don’t you fret.” Asmodeum walked over to him, kicking his sword out of reach as they took his hand. “First things first, you’re absolutely filthy. Let’s get you cleaned up, shall we?”
Erebus pulled his hand out of her grasp. “I mean, I-I can do that myself,” he muttered. Asmodeum raised an eyebrow.
“I’m sure you can, but I want to wash you, dear. And right now,” she grabbed his hand once more, “I get what I want.” They pulled him along into a bathroom, and he followed reluctantly, feeling an odd sense of familiarity in just going along with this sort of thing. Their threat was certainly a motivator, but that didn’t mean he was going to roll over completely on every little thing, right? He had to make it clear that he wasn’t happy with this, despite agreeing to it. She started filling up the bathtub with water, turning to him with a smile. “Let me strip you now.”
“I-I’d rather-”
“Shhhh.” She placed a finger on his lips, her other hand starting to undo the ties on his shirt. “None of that, dear. I can’t get you all clean if you’re wearing these dirty clothes, now can I?” He looked away as they tugged his shirt off, hoping that they’d-nope, now they were going to try and take off his pants, too.
“You said you weren’t going to-to do that to me.”
“I won’t. But that doesn’t mean you get to keep your clothes on the whole time, you shy little thing. I just won’t touch.” Erebus stifled a whine as she pulled down his pants, and his underwear along with them. “There we go. You can get in now.” He did so, almost jumping into the warm water and crouching down, hugging his knees close and spreading his wings around himself protectively. They gently pushed his wings back, stroking his face as he glared at them with wide eyes. “There’s no use hiding when I’ve already seen everything, silly. I think I’m going to need to get these arms out of the way, hmmm?” They pulled out a pair of manacles, and Erebus’s stomach sank.
“Wait, I won’t resist just-just don’t-”
“Too late for that, Erebus.” She clamped them around his wrists, twisting the chain securely around the faucet. “Besides, you look absolutely darling like that, all helpless. Now, keep those wings out of the way or I’ll pierce them together.” Erebus’s wings sank in defeat, slowly moving back until they were behind him. There wasn’t any winning here, was there? “Good boy.” She grabbed a cup from the countertop and started using it to pour water on him, rinsing away some of the pieces of flesh stuck to his bloodied skin. After she lathered a washcloth with soap, she began to gently clean the dried blood off his face. He screwed his eyes shut, fists clenched as he tried to think about anything else.
Even back when he was a prince, he’d hated being fussed over, preferring to take care of himself when he could. Asmodeum, however, seemed to have no concept of personal space, or just didn’t care. She had to work hard to get through the blood caked over most of his skin, leaning in close, starting with his face before switching to his hair. Their hands slid in, tenderly working through tangled bloody mats and massaging his scalp. He hated how nice it felt, how much it reminded him of the way Lythia always used to play with his hair, forcing himself to open his eyes and look at Asmodeum, to remind himself who was…
Lythia smiled at him sweetly, and Erebus felt his blood run cold. That wasn’t her, no matter what he saw, no matter how he felt. She wasn’t here. She was back home, probably still tending the palace gardens despite the change in management. Did she still think of him as she looked at all the places they used to laugh? Or could she not get the image of him screaming and sobbing up on that podium out of her mind, unable to remember any other version of him than the one he’d left her with? Maybe that’s what he deserved to be remembered as, since he’d hardly thought of her since that day, the memories too painful.
Erebus shuddered when Asmodeum moved to his horns, which were always far more sensitive than they had any right to be. She seemed to be able to tell, continuing to stroke them long after they were clean, and as much as he wanted to ask them to stop, he was afraid it would only encourage them. At the very least, the disconnect between Lythia and his horns was enough to push the thoughts of her out of his mind, and Asmodeum changed back to their normal form.
Her hands finally slid lower, caressing his neck, fingers slipping under his collar, making sure the skin underneath was clean, pressing down against his throat every so often as they did so. It wasn't enough to really choke him, but the message was clear.
They moved onto his shoulders, his wings, his arms, his back. He caught their smile as they saw what his right arm really looked like, and her fingers traced his whip scars as they were uncovered. Dread started to pool in his stomach as she moved to his chest, scrubbing away, revealing-
“Oh, well isn’t this pretty.” They marveled at his brand, stroking the lines of the scar, pausing over his rapidly-beathing heart. “Too bad you’re already owned by someone else, huh? But I suppose they’re not here now, are they?” Erebus just bit his lip, refusing to make eye contact. The thought of his…of Neteri not being here hurt, and, try as he might, he couldn’t help but think of her, of the way she’d always protected him. He wondered how angry she’d get if she saw what was happening to him, or if she could feel now that someone besides her was touching him. He could imagine her bursting in, yelling at Asmodeum to get their hands off of him, unchaining him and letting him cover up before pulling him into a hug-wait wait what was he thinking she’d been his captor she’d hurt him and ripped him into pieces and kept him locked up but she'd promised to save him and he missed her.
“What’s wrong, darling? Is even this too much for you?” Asmodeum brushed away a tear he didn’t realize had been falling with her finger, her skin no longer red, but brown. He couldn't look her in the eye. Not while she wore that face. “Such a sensitive little thing.” Hearing those words in that voice was already bad enough. Erebus tugged at his chains, wishing he could rub away those stupid traitorous tears, because he wasn’t crying about Neteri or Asmodeum or any of this.
Their hands plunged beneath the surface of the blood-clouded water now, and Erebus couldn't stop himself from tensing up as they scrubbed his stomach, glad the parts of him that were previously under clothes weren't as caked in blood as those that weren't. Still, there was enough to clean that she had an excuse for her hands to wander lower still, caressing his hips, his thighs, and now he was trembling, fists clenched, tears dripping even more steadily into the tepid, cloudy water, no one had ever touched him there, at least she was wearing her own face now, but please, please stay away from there, you said you wouldn't touch me there and if you do then why am I here why am I letting you do this why do I keep letting people hurt me if I just stood up for myself more if I wasn't such a coward maybe I'd still be-
"You're rather pathetic, aren't you?" Asmodeum mused as they cradled his face, turning him towards them. Erebus blinked away tears, just now realizing that they'd finished cleaning him, the tub already drained. He couldn't exactly argue, crying and shivering like he was, so he just swallowed and gave the tiniest nod as he pulled himself together, hoping it'd be enough to get them to move on.
With a satisfied smile, she unhooked his wrists from the faucet, but left the manacles on as she pulled him up and out of the tub. He tried to cover himself as best he could as they toweled him off, hoping they’d stop touching him or at least give him clothes soon. Thankfully, they did, handing him a small bundle, and upon unrolling it he found...a pair of shorts that barely reached his knees, and that was all. Once he’d put them on, she dragged him into another room and let go, crossing her arms. “Kneel.”
“I don’t-” Asmodeum raised an eyebrow, and Erebus stopped himself. They were expecting him to obey their every little whim if he didn’t want to be...he knelt, staring at the floor. She circled him a few times, and he clenched his fists in his lap, hating how much of his body was on display. Not that she hadn’t already seen everything.
“You were just made to kneel, weren't you? Absolutely gorgeous." Erebus's face burned even hotter than before. All he could hope was that they'd be done with him soon, but he'd never specified how long this would go on for when he agreed to it, so this might last…He was such an idiot, why did he just go along with this without any negotiation?
Asmodeum stopped in front of him. "Well, what are you in the mood for, dear? Pain,” her hand slid under his chin, tilting it up, “or pleasure?”
“Please just-anything but-” he choked, and she just laughed.
“Anything, you say? Then, I think...I'm in the mood for this.” They grabbed his collar, yanking him up onto the nearby bed. Before he could even try to sit up they were on him, wrapping themselves around him, worming in between his shackled arms, forcing him to embrace her back. A shudder ran down his spine as her skin came into contact with his, her arms pinning him flush against her body, her legs tangling around his. “Have you ever been this close to someone, darling?” she whispered in his ear, their fingers stroking his hair.
“I-I, um, a few times but-”
“Aw, and you’re still nervous.” Her hand ran down the back of his head, stopping at his collar. “It’s so cute how you still wear this. I’m sure you could get it off if you tried, so you must like having it on, huh? Do you miss your owner?”
“She’s not-I don’t-I just-it’s…” he screwed his eyes shut, “I can’t take it off, alright?!”
“Such a dutiful little pet-”
“I wasn’t h-her pet!”
“You’re so adorable when you’re in denial.” They stroked his back, rubbing around the base of his wings. Erebus just opted for staring at the wall, hoping they wouldn't touch his horns. “Do you know how lust demons feed, my dear?”
“By eating…?”
“Well, of course, but not the same way you do. We feed off of humans, more specifically, their bodily fluids.” She smiled widely, showing off her fangs. “And I haven’t had a meal ever since being locked up in here. I normally get my fix a different way, but, to be considerate of you, innocent little boy,” they shifted until their lips were right next to the base of his neck, fingers pushing his collar out of the way, “I’ll settle for feasting on your blood.”
Her fangs sank into his neck, and he couldn’t help but gasp at the sudden pain. He tried to breathe in calmly through gritted teeth as she sucked on the holes in his flesh, drinking his blood. Soon enough, his ears started ringing, and lightheadedness crept in. He gripped the chain between his wrists just too feel something solid, glad that he was lying down, at least. By the time Asmodeum pulled away, licking droplets of blood from their lips, a dizzy haze had settled over Erebus. He closed his eyes, tears leaking out as she snuggled back into him, just hoping that this would all be over soon. In fact, maybe he would just...let the blackness take him...just for a little bit...so he didn’t have to be...awake…
Erebus’s mouth tasted like dried blood when he woke up, and Asmodeum was still wrapped around him tightly. She smiled when their eyes met. “Did you have a good little nap, my darling? I hope you don’t mind, but,” she gripped his chin, her thumb stroking his lips, “I had a little bit of fun with you while you were out of it.” A bit of...wait is that why his mouth tasted like-
“W-you-you can’t d-do that to me I-I don’t-” his voice broke, and he couldn’t breathe all of a sudden, no matter how many fast little breaths he sucked in, just get away, get away from me stop touching me don’t do that to me please please I don’t want that you can’t do that to me you can’t you can’t I never wanted that not from you not from anyone and now now now I-I’m-I’ve been-
He felt something solid press into his hands, and he realized that Asmodeum was standing in front of him, and that was his sword in his hands, he was sitting up now and that was his sword and Asmodeum was smiling they were holding out their arms to him they were ready they were ready they were laughing they were coughing up blood they were on the ground there was so much blood how much of it was his he wasn’t sure he didn’t know they reached up and he backed away he had to get away he couldn’t stay here a second longer she was dead she was dead she was already crumbling away and he had to go he wanted to rip off his own skin he could still feel her touching him where where where were his clothes where was the key to these manacles he had to go he-
Erebus dropped his sword. He fell to his knees. He buried his face in his hands.
And he screamed.
Tags: @dramaticcollapse @thehopelessopus @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @galaxywhump @as-a-matter-of-whump
@mnmlover2002 @tears-and-lilies @yet-another-heathen @rippedjeansandfadeddreams @starnight-whump
@unicornscotty @thebewilderer @kixngiggles @itallstartedwithharry @inky-whump
@redstainedsocks @lonesome--hunter @his-unspoken-words @susiequaz12 @its-mysweetlittlesecret-blog
@whumpasaurus101 @patheticlittleguy @jadeocean46910 @whumpinggrounds @pumpkin-spice-whump
@suspicious-whumping-egg @befuddled-calico-whump @whump-in-the-closet @pumpkinsncoffee @aryox
@vampiresprite
#i wrote something#erebus & terror#erebus#asmodeum#creepy whumper#intimate whumper#nonhuman whumpee#demon whumper#noncon kiss#noncon touch#can i get a lmao in chat this guy is having the worst time of his life maybe#yeah shiori is human and normal and i meant it when i said they'd never see each other again#bro's neteri devotion is literally getting worse now that they're apart what is he DOING#i cant believe superhell isnt the healing environment he needs to process his trauma 😔#but yeah back when i was still in college and writing like chapters 3-6 ish of E&T (like him getting branded)#i was like ''okay but the bathing scene is soooo fun and sexy i want to write it right now''#so i did and then it sat there for 3 years#it's honestly really weird that it's out in the open now it's been My Secret Writing for SO long#had to make a lot of edits though and i can see how much ive improved since then like yeah let's GUT this bitch#asmodeum fucking sucks. sorry. they are the literal fucking worst#they're also technically genderfluid but since the way they're perceived is based on the person's attraction#erebus just gets female/androgynous vibes cuz he doesn't like men 👍#uh what else oh yeah we had to give him the kissing trauma. rare instance of me projecting write it down kids#god i started the final edit of this at 4:30 and i was like ''yeah i can have it ready by 5''#it's 5:51 you idiot
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Small drawing collection of my latest creation Emran as a teenager/freshly minted Air Acolyte, for my dear partner in unhinged OC shenanigans @katkastrofa, as promised <3
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#original character#I need to figure out a way to tag these guys#like with renny and dori I just put sotrl in front of their names and that works#but emran is technically an LaF character. though not uniquely tied to that verse. and idk what to do with Ila and Alasie#maybe I need to have some unique oc tag or smth. I’ll figure it out#if you’re wondering why I stayed up until half past 7 a.m to draw this it’s because I needed some way to cool down#after the kuviren smut absolutely broke my brain#and what better way to do that than by drawing my sweet baby boy?#yes lmao he went from baby girl to baby boy in like 24 hours. fucking sue me#but actually. actually!! they’re both. they contain multitudes :)#they probably haven’t even realised that at this point and are still in disguise#convinced that she’ll be punished for her deceit if anyone found out that she’s actually a girl#(okay off topic but the switching pronouns are really fun lmao)#but give them time. they’ll figure it out soon enough. in these pieces they’re slowly getting used to temple life#and that is the first step to self acceptance#I’m actually extremely proud of these. especially the one with the apple basket. I feel like the androgynous vibes are really there#and he looks like his brother the most in it#but the others are fun too. I loved doing the portrait. I should do them more often#and.. I will admit. I traced the lemur. I can barely draw people okay how do you expect me to draw animals#but I just think that Aiza would really love a little lemur friend#animals don’t judge and she doesn’t have to watch herself around them. she can just be. plus the lemurs are really cute <3#I want to eventually do a companion to this with Aiza instead. maybe from back before she ran away#probably something based on reflection from Mulan too bc the vibes are there. though.. to be completely honest#I’d say they have a lot more of Shurochka Azarova’s vibes than Mulan. but that’s just my love for Soviet cinema taking over#it’s essentially if mulan fought napoleon instead. and when discovered instead of left to die they promoted her to lieutenant 😁#I realise the comparison is completely incomprehensible to everyone but me but.. go watch the hussar ballad. it’s free on YouTube with subs#okay enough rambling. i shall now go to bed. @ Kat I hope this brightens up your morning at least somewhat. I love you!!
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i might be genderfluid. probably not though. the actual idea of being socially perceived as any other gender makes me feel like a clown
#random thoughts#like. auuuuugh.#you ever want to be feminine the way girls are feminine instead of the way guys are feminine sometimes.#androgynous fem. i don't know.#the social dysphoria is too strong.#i like my pronouns. i like masculine terms. all the time. but sometimes i just feel like.#AUGH FUCK THIS IS WEIRD AND COMPLICATED.#oh well we're going to do the same thing i did as when i questioned being aro and bi. focus on something else [:#(then again my last test of the year was yesterday so there's nothing i can really. do. as a distraction.)#genderfluidity is such a beautiful thing. like pretty and colorful glass shards#all reflecting facets of one person's identity. i love you genderfluidity#and genderfluid people !!
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>be me
>go on grindr for 1 minute
>close app
>10 notifications
>all lewd pics from a middle aged 'sissy' in a garish pink dress and tacky blonde wig
>sigh and close app again
Idk like I hate to say it but if you want to win my heart how about you try to understand fashion first and not dressing like a pornified caricature of a 1960s housewife
#this might just be my millenial brain but like when i say i want androgynous men i mean like current youthful fashion#not like something my deceased uncle would find hot#rant
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genuinely discouraging that postgenderism is so closely linked with transhumanism and terf rhetoric. like, that is so, so not what it's about to me. a world post gender is not a world without the things we currently link to gender, rather the link to gender is untethered and those things we view as feminine or masculine are simply human qualities, as they always have been. in an ideal post gender world, i actually think that what we consider gender affirming surgery would still exist and be more accessible than ever, but without the insane government questioning and red tape that comes along with it. like imagine if getting top surgery was viewed in the same way that simply getting a haircut or a tattoo is. freedom to truly explore what your body can be without people pushing weird assumptions and stereotypes on you. like genuinely i just want a world without oppression where people can express themselves exactly how they want.
#postgenderism#being agender it's just so hard to exist when literally everything is gendered#especially having a fat curvy body there is literally no way to truly meet the current definition of androgynous#frankly i don't think androgyny in the current sense of the word is something we should be aiming for#i still want a diverse and interesting world full of fun and colourful people#just without the constraints of gender
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Welcome to day one of how many times can my mother tear me down and destroy my confidence in one go. How many days will this go on? Im not sure! Tune in next time for a brand new episode of Taking Advantage Of My Kids Rejection Sensitivity, youre watching the disney channel.
#Sometimes I really do just honestly kind of hate her. I know it's a horrible thing to say about one's parents who care for them but it's#true. With the way that she treats me and criticises me and takes every advantage of a chance to tear me down it just really hurts all the#time. I can't criticise her because she ll fly off the handle at me and say how many things she does for me that i dont apreciate enough#But for her she can say as many times as she wants that she doesn't like my hair and she doesn't like the way I dress and she doesn't like#This the way I look and she doesn't like the way I stand and she doesn't like the things I say and she doesn't like my beliefs#She can say she doesn't like my tone of voice and that she doesn't like the way i stress out about things and im not allowed to say#A negative word about her in edgeways when she's allowed to tear me down on a constant basis and make me hate myself. As someone who really#Struggles with a lot of self loathing problems and self hatred she really does just rip into me with no restraint constantly. She knows#That I suffer with some serious rejection sensitive dysphoria that I am trying to get therapist help for and she still has no restraint#When it comes to criticising me and everything I am and everything I like. And she has the goal to do this thing where she is kind of peer#Pressures me into agreeing with the things that she says which in turn just makes me consolidate those horrible beliefs about myself in my#own head. If I don't agree with her criticism of me I can't just say so I have to not along with her and affirm to myself that those#Things are true. That I don't like my own hair that I don't like my face and my makeup and my clothes. That my preferences are wrong and#That I dress too androgynously. That I could never experiment with things like pronouns or gender and that I have to agree with societally#Homophobic undertoned things that she says because I can't bare to have her criticise me again and again and again for critisising her.#I can't do this anymore it makes me dread every time she comes into my room to talk to me about some new thing she doesn't like about me. I#And constantly stressing about how much people dislike me and how annoying I am#And the fact that I'm literally hiding the things that I want to wear from her so i can put them on when i get away from her and yet she#she will still get upset if I criticise her for making me literally hate myself on a regular basis. she wont beleive me and she'll be#Confused if I have a belief that doesn't match hers and she'll get so excited when I even possibly hint at doing something to my appearance#that she likes and knows I don't. I worry wake for comic corner she wouldn't shut up about how much my hair looks really good in a style i#dont want to cut it. If I dress in a way that's openly queer she ll act like I'm going to get#and i quote “the wrong kind of attention” Because she thinks that me even possibly being misgendered because of my clothing is a#disgusting crime and that I should be the perfect Barbie doll pink pretty princess she always wanted her children to be. She wants me to be#Someone that I can't be comfortably and she's essentially forcing me to fit this mould of her preferred child. Which obviously makes me#Despise who I am and hate my own interests and style. And as horrible and hurtful as it is to say this#I can't wait to get away from her.#sigh#vent#harsh morning
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(Looking up nonbinary names for self use) Hmm, no, I don't think I'll be calling myself "Sock"
#Tuuw talks#I've been trying to find a new name for myself to go by on the internet#bc I'm definitely not using my irl one and I want to go by something other than 'Ult'#The problem is I don't self identify with anything that's part of WHY I'M HAVING AN IDENTITY CRISIS!!!!#It's not low self esteem even it's just I don't see myself. at all. It's more frustrating than it sounds#But trying to find a new name for myself is so much harder when I don't even know how to describe myself#I have an idea for one but it's more feminine than I want - I wanted it to be more androgynous#Ah well whatever I'm just rambling now but the point is if I pick a new androgynous name it's gotta be something human sounding#Because the more out of touch with myself I get the less human I feel
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what if this year i gave up on even gesturing at ""passing"" and instead embraced the world of weird unisex natural-fiber garments available on etsy 🤔
#like. they have unisex wool so-called harem pants!!#(i want to do more reading abt different cultures' versions of men's/unisex drop-crotch pants but a ten-second google was weirdly unhelpful#(actual info drowned out by listicles basically. will have to find some real books or something)#(specifically i like when they're almost a triangle‚ as opposed to like‚ just really full-cut trousers that look more western)#i have gotten so much flack from my family over the years for liking that style of pant#(which like. okay. you think it's ugly. i get that but like. WHY do you think it's ugly.)#(is it perhaps possible yr taste has been shaped by western standards.)#and i stopped wearing the summer-weight pair i used to have when i started vaguely trying to pass#but like. lately my gender feelings are mostly 'i'm an agender gremlin creature and i'm gonna wear some androgynous clothes about it'#which mostly is like. men's joggers with a hoodie if we're being honest#also some baggy cargo pants with a hoodie. every once in a blue moon the hoodie gets swapped out for a baggy wool sweater.#but i gotta say i kind of love the idea of baggy dropcrotch pants (also with hoodie)#and now you tell me i can even get my winter wool freak on about it?? amazing.#anyway we'll see but i'm having fun looking at all the unusual-by-normative-western-standards woolens etsy wants to show me#feels good feels organic etc (but like. in many cases literally lmao)#sartorial#journaling
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WHY AM I GETTING SO MUCH GENDER ENVY FROM A GUY 2 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME
#this is humiliating why does he have so much gender in him#i need to like. steal it from him#i cant just let him walk around with that much gender in him#never in my life have i met a cis guy whos somehow so masculine feminine and androgynous at the same time#while still looking so extremely basic#like his outfits are just the default cishet american outfits (tshirt shorts occasional baseball cap etc)#and yet the GENDER#on one hand i want to give him fashion advice but on the other. good outfits would make him too powerful#he wore a black button up once and thats when i realized that dear god this guy has wayyyy too much gender#like give some to me or something#have some consideration for the people around you yknow#anyway. im going to make a prediction now that he'll have some sort of queer awakening in the next few years#ech.txt
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I dress masculine but my face so baby doll -o-;
#rant#this is a mini rant about just like. sometimes i just wished i looked masc or butch but i really just. dont to strangers ever#i wear all mens clothes from the mens section but still look 'cutesy' because my face is my face#if i wear makeup i like eyeliner so i never look super femme since#i cant do contouring and lipstick normally so i dont unless lurposely going hyper femme like with a lolita fashion coord#or a barbie malibu photoshoot or something. even when i dress in pastels most of my pastel rainbow stuff is#from the mens section. but my face is just. baby. i have a flat chest but it doesnt make difference#iwear baggy clothes to hide my hourglass curve but even thay doesnt seem to matter#ive cut my hair 1 inch long and that never mattered. i like my hair short so its like chin length now but lol#while i love guys with my length hair i just. do not read as guy to ppl. and i dont want to masculine contour my face#cause 1. i fail quite bad at xontours 2. i hate coverup and most makeup im just not the kinda perskn that wears much makeup if any#wearing more makeup makes me feel more femme especially coverup and contour#idk just. i been thinking how i dress in 95% masc clothes (unless im wearing a purposeful dress up lolita coord or goth dress i like)#and to my family and strangers i just read Usual Babydoll Face girly mejo???#i... i have no solution to it not that i necessarily like need one. then also like sometimes u wanna look androgynous#but i already xombine masc and feminine presentation choices with makeup and masc clothes#or masc clothes with some bright colors like pink since i love pastels#jt just. doesnt end up working much. i mean it makes me happy but to a stranger i just dont read as androynous
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Leftovers gone bad (Patreon)
#Doodles#Just Desserts#Villainsona#Still vent-like! Helped put my head in order anyhow so - helpful :)#Sweet Coffee to lower Charm's anxieties hehe <3 Who could have ever guessed how accurate he'd be!#I really do need to sit down and give everyone names he deserves one! He's only ever had the one name (not Coffee lol)#His first attempt wasn't great lol way to intentionally misinterpret his meaning Charm#It's hard to be positive in that kind of mindset but he's trying to help!#Coffee does also have foot-in-mouth syndrome tho so there's that lol#Doesn't Try to minimize or callously redirect he really does try his best he's just still a bit clumsy haha#This was never his practice! He's always been a troublemaker of a kind!#He's just getting his practice in haha#Oh yeah and he gets a new outfit since I was offline while drawing him pft#He's always been androgynous he's allowed to have the clasps on the other side - even if it does make him off-model lol#He's always had masculine closures on his clothes now that I think of it....I think? Might need to go through his backlog actually#Then again I'm talking about the character he used to be and not necessarily who he is now lol - moving character from fandom to fandom#ANYway lol#Isn't this supposed to be about Charm or something who's the main character again pft#Charm's canonical least favourite feeling is feeling foolish! It's The Feeling that makes her seek out the Staff#But! She's (trying to be) reformed! So that's not really an option! Doesn't make the feeling go away tho#She carries the same response with her since she hasn't figured out how to healthfully respond to it#So anything that creates That Feeling is scary! She doesn't have an out! Feels cornered - and that stress adds to it#What if This Thing makes her feel That Way when she doesn't want to! She /wants/ to trust and love and be happy and healthy#But the precedent#Reminding her that she doesn't have to repeat her actions just because it Feels a certain way is important!#It's not something you have to run away from or lash out against - it hurts but it's momentary#Promise :)
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how dreams work is so interesting and horrifying to me
#i clearly have been extremely upset about people misgendering me lately cause i had a dream about it last night#and i was so pissed and sad and woke up deeply upset#but nothing had actually happened#and i mean there was other stuff too but thats the piece i was thinking about#it happened as a subcategory of the dream and its just like! oh! thats bothering me a lot for it to show up here#its so tough cause i really do keep getting misgendered :') it makes sense why but that doesn't make it hurt any less#like i should be able to wear a bikini at the lake and not get misgendered by my family who ive been out to for 4 years#i should be able to wear feminine clothing and fun jewelry and present the way i want to without being called a girl#i very much notice that people are only getting it right when im wearing boy clothes and its so.#im not going to congratulate you for something i have been asking you to do for four years#you clearly still see me as a girl and just slap the correct pronouns onto my name when im in the room#im just tired of it#i shouldnt have to be androgynous to be respected#anyway!#funky dreams
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Day 2. Monster-kinktober: Artificial intelligence + Handjobs/Temperature play
A/N: This is a prequel piece of this one that nobody asked for but I wanted to write. Also, I took handjob in the literal way, so we have fingering as handjob here. Enjoy!
Robot x fem!reader || dirty talk (kinda), fingering, temperature play, semi-public sex (technically)
When you started working in the factory, you were mesmerized by the robots. You were the only human in your floor and thought they would be more… mechanical. But they weren’t. They looked very much robot-like, but they were great at conversation. They were nice in a very human way, and that only made them even more appealing for you. They were interesting, and weird looking, and a bit androgynous in the best way possible. So nobody would blame you when you say you fell in love with one of them.
It all started in a slow Wednesday afternoon. You had a couple hours until the end of your shift but there wasn’t much to do, so you were just filling some paperwork and trying to look busy without being too obvious about the fact that you were only moving papers around. And then someone knocked on the door of your office. You thought it would be one of the humans of other floors, looking for something and being too stupid to ask the robots. Some humans didn’t like the fact that the company was mainly robot oriented.
But it wasn’t a human. It was your favorite robot looking as weird and mechanic as always, and making your pulse skip a beat as he showed his silver bald head. “Hi! What can I do for you?” You asked cheerfully.
“I have a question,” he said in his monotonous tone, eyes unblinking. At first it was unsettling that they didn’t blink, but you got used to it and now it was a bit exhilarating to be the focus of attention of a robot, they didn’t miss a single movement you did and that called to you in a weird way.
“Okay. What kind of question?” You questioned, looking at him in the most professional way you could muster, but probably failing because he was robotically hot. In a way that made your pussy a little bit wet every time you talked to him.
He didn’t wait more than two seconds before shooting at you: “Do humans like robots?”
“Wow, that’s a big question right there.” You thought about it for a few seconds, trying to organize your thoughts to explain human-supremacy groups to a robot. “Some humans like robots just fine, but other humans think they are inferior to humanity so they…”
He cut you. “No, no. I understand that, I mean if humans like like robots,” he clarified.
And for a moment you were speechless, was he really asking if human and robots could have some kind of romantic or sexual connection? Was that even a possibility? You’d thought about it (a lot), but you never knew robots could feel that way about humans, you weren’t even sure they felt. You knew artificial intelligence was great nowadays, but you weren’t sure and thought it would be rude to ask. Good luck they weren’t scared to ask anything and were always truthful.
“Oh. Oh. I don’t know… Yeah, I guess so. Why not?” You answered, trying to sound neutral about it.
He looked at you for a few more seconds before asking: “Do you like robots? Do you like me?” He caught you completely unprepared for that question.
“What?” You squealed.
“I like you.” You just discovered they could like humans, and your brain was trying to process a thousand little movements and interactions at the same time, trying to figure out if he meant what you thought he meant.
“What do you like about me?” You asked, still confused about what was happening. Was your robot crush really telling you he wanted to have his way with you, too? That wasn’t possible, was it?
“You treat me like an equal, and you are always nice to all robots. Also you look squeeze and I want to touch you.” You choked on a laugh at that part. “Do you like me?” He repeated.
You thought about it for half a second, thinking about the naughty fantasies you had all alone in your house. You thought about all the extra time you spent in his area just to chat with him for a bit. You did have a crush on him. “Yes,” you finally let out, a spark of hope inside your chest.
“Good,” he accepted, his head bobbing up and down in a very non-human way that made you want to smile. “Are you my girlfriend now?” He said, making you giggle.
“Aren’t you going to take me out first?” You joked.
He looked panicked for a second. “Yes. Yes. Human records said we need to go to dinner and to the movies. But I don’t eat, and I’m not allowed into cinemas. But we can skip that and do the fucking, that’s third date as the internet explained,” he deadpanned, making you choke on air and start coughing really hard.
“We can do what?” You choked out, eyes as big as plates as you looked at him.
“The fucking. The internet said human partners used their genitals together to get pleasure. I don’t have genitals, but I can create some,” he explained in his toneless voice, making it sound serious and ridiculous at the same time. He continued: “different shapes, different colors, they can attach. I have them on my desk. I’ll bring them. Wait here,” he ordered.
“Wait!” But he was already gone.
He came back a couple minutes late, carrying a big box full of various dicks of different colors, shapes and even textures. You were looking into the box trying to decipher when your life became so surreal and how did your boring Wednesday end up with a robot boyfriend and a box full of attachable dildos.
“We can try them now,” he announced, reaching to grab one when you stopped him.
“No! We are working.”
“But I want to touch you and I have no job right now. You don’t either. You’ve been moving papers around all day.” You didn’t even have time to process the fact that he was aware of your every moment before he was talking again. “Let me touch you, please.” His voice sounded mechanical and had zero tone to it, but at the same time it sounded like a plea and you found yourself accepting with a soft “okay”.
He approached you and lowered his bald robot head until he was a couple centimeters away from your face, he stared without blinking until you looked away, red blush covering your cheeks. “I like that you can change colors,” he said, making you smile. “Can I see your tits? The internet said human women liked them played with.” His change of behaviour from cute to horny robot made you want to laugh maniacally.
“Some human women do, some don’t,” you explained.
“Do you? Do you like your boobs being played with?” He asked, his head tilted to the side in a very puppy-like gesture that made your heart skip a beat. He was looking at your covered boobs like they held the answers to all his questions. He reached for your buttons and you didn’t stop him.
“Ye- yes,” you stuttered, suddenly nervous as he unbuttoned your shirt and stared at your lacy bra. He lowered it down, exposing your tits to the cold air of the office and making your body shiver.
“Why are they hard?” He asked at the same time he pinched one of your nipples with a bit too much force. You let out a gasp and he released it, just to do it again. You liked that he was playful, it was refreshing.
“It’s cold and they are sensitive,” you let out between heavy breaths.
“They turn hard when cold?” You nodded, and then cried out when his fingers suddenly became as cold as ice as he rubbed your nipples with them, making your back arch on your chair. “Oh. And what happens if it’s hot?” He asked as you felt his hands became scalding hot and you cried out again.
He did it a couple more times, pinching and rubbing and making you lose your mind with just his fingers. You were almost at the edge of a good orgasm when his hands traveled down, popping the button of your pants and rubbing your covered mound.
“The internet said this was the best place to give pleasure. Is that true?” He asked, his hand slipped lower, rubbing over your dripping center. You nodded frantically, grabbing onto the sides of the chair like your life depended on it. “It’s wet and soft,” he noted. You flushed redder, your face flaming hot as he explored the inside of your pants. He pushed your panties to the side and touched right over your aching pussy, making you cry out again, your eyes rolling back into your head. “Do you like that?” You nodded, your teeth biting down on your lips so hard you tasted blood.
He rubbed up and down your pussy for a while, not doing anything crazy, just two fingers collecting your wetness and exploring your most vulnerable place. He hummed every once in a while, looking at you unblinkingly as you squirmed on the seat. And then he found your clit, his fingers rubbing over it with such precision you saw starts and had to cover your mouth.
“I wonder what happens if I apply cold here,” he said out loud as you felt his fingers turning ice cold and your body shivered, more juices dripping from your pussy.
He turned his fingers scorching hot, rubbing your clit, and then cold when he rubbed them over your entrance. You were on edge, but he wasn’t even trying to get you off. You were desperate, wanting to do something, to come, but you wanted to let him explore you some more… It was exhilarating to have him pay such attention to you.
And then he surprised you pushing two fingers inside as he rubbed his thumb over your clit. The combination making your body jerk as he gave you the robot equivalent of a smirk, which looked like a weirdly creepy grin that made your pulse race and your pussy wetter. He crocked his fingers and found your G-spot, faster than any human ever had, and you screamed under your palm. He looked at you and did it again, rubbing your clit and sweet spot at the same time. Your orgasm was so close you could feel it at the tip of your consciousness, but he stopped then. Just for a few seconds, but enough to make you release your hold on the chair and grab his bald metallic head.
“Make me cum,” you pleaded.
He didn’t answer, he just grabbed one of your boobs with his free hand and started rubbing ice cold fingers over your nipple. At the same time the hand in your pants got hotter and hotter, almost too hot, but so, so good. He thrust inside of you a couple times, his thumb rubbing over your clit… and that was it. You screamed as your back arched and your body fell into the most intense orgasm of your life as he stared at your contorted face.
You were coming down from the high when he said: “I liked that. Next time we should try the dildos,” he stated, voice monotonous.
“Yeah… Whatever you want,” you told him, too tired to argue, and too excited to try.
#robot x human#robot x reader#robot x you#monster#monster fucker#monster imagine#monster x human#teratophillia#monster x reader#terato#monster boyfriend#monster romance#monster kink#monster fuqqer#monster love#monster lover#monster smut#monster x you#monsterfucker#monsterfucking nsft#monstertober#kinktober#monsterkinktober#robot fucker
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pretending that mithrun wasn't designed as androgynous character is honestly a bit silly on the surface, but reveals some deeply ingrained beliefs that i don't wanna unpack. i wanna say though, it's interesting. as someone who also draws and designs characters sometimes, i can say, it's clear to me the way kui draws mithrun, the way she portrayed him is very thought-out and has specific feelings she wanted to invoke in minds, just like with all the other characters.
if she didn't want readers to be a little "confused" about his gender at first, she wouldn't make him use "watashi" as a pronoun. the uniform he wears was clearly designed for him, because he's the only character who looks really good in it (she even said that she tried to make it more fitting for others, but it looks a little weird on other dudes) and it has a skirt and thigh-high boots, and it's something that manga constantly puts in focus during the scenes where he fights. if kui didn't want to create gap moe or let you think about mithrun as "cute" in general she wouldn't make him wear clothes that are too big for him and a scarf tied into bow, clearly connecting him to characters like izutsumi. yes, his face is also pretty, but it's not all of it, it's not just an art style.
saying that his tallman's form is how he's actually supposed to look is a bit silly too, it was a joke that could only exist if mithrun's main design was cute and dainty enough to create that funny dissonance. and when you think about it, mithrun's tallman's appearance isn't exactly a true portrayal of his personality, is it? on the same page where he's revealed to be this cool-looking buff tallman, he's also revealed to be just as silly as he's been all this time. he's still the same guy who'd tell you all the gossips. he looks strong because he trains a lot, he trains a lot because he thinks he wants revenge, being physically strong is not some inherent truth about him that puts him in some labeled box. the force of his will is much more important for his recovery, for example.
it's fine to acknowledge that mithrun is elegant and cute and funny but also strong, cool and straightforward to a fault at the same time. it's not a dichotomy, these are just traits of personality that can coexist. and it has little to do with how he looks, but since he's a character and not a real person, there are some thought-out reasons for him to look like he looks. it's fine to redesign characters for your own art style and sometimes it's a good idea, but i don't really understand why people always redesign mithrun to fit more into what they perceive of him. kui is great at character design, so i wonder what's the problem here.
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When They're In Love HCS - Jason Todd
~ Fem terms used for reader
~ Partially based on these headcanons
🕸️Spiderverse Masterlist🕸️
🐼JJK Masterlist🐼
~ You can find part two here, and part three here.
~ You can find more of my works here
Jason Todd seems like the type to fall hard and fast. He might not admit it for a while, but he's been developing feelings for you from at least the second or third time you met.
He's the type to call you "Wifey" or "The Missus" even when you aren't married and regardless of whether or not you to plan to.
He absolutely keeps a picture or two of you in his wallet, and no, he doesn't think it's cheesy in the slightest.
He's the type to lay on you. Your chest, your tummy, even your butt if you're laying on your stomach, your size and weight is irrelevant.
You'll be minding your own business, laying down and reading a book or playing on your phone, and he'll come out of nowhere and drop all 230+ lbs of muscle on your smaller body.
If you wheeze and try to crawl out from under him, try to push his giant hulking form off of you, he'll just wrap his arms around you and tell you he's tired, and just needs a few minutes of sleep.
Doesn't actually spend as much time reading as he would like to, but if you enjoy reading he'll always find time to do it with you.
If libraries had gold card memberships, he would be the one to have it. He'd rent any and as many books as you want.
Sometimes, he'll go out of his way to find books he thinks you'd like or that you can read together. Sometimes, he'll even give you old books from his personal library if he thinks you'll enjoy them as much as he did
I don't think he's be huge on giving gifts, I see him as more of a quality-time type (but i see almost all of the bats as quality-time types so take that with a grain of salt), but I do think he'd give you lots of tiny gifts all the time.
He'll pick up a quick breakfast for the both of you at the local bodega, he'll get your pet treats, he'll bring over your favorite candy or snack everytime he comes over to your place, etc.
Loves movie nights. Doesn't matter which movie it is, it could be some dumb, low budget nightmare made to babysit kids, or the best piece of visual media ever made by human hands.
He loves being able to talk to you, he loves hearing your opinions, loves hearing your voice. He'll recommend movies to watch just because he knows you'll have a lot to say about them.
I don't think he'd have a big moment where he introduces you to his entire family, I think he'd introduce you slowly, one person at a time.
I think he'd start with Dick or Cass, or Alfred, then so on and so forth. I think Tim and Damian would either be dead last, or have to find out on their own.
The only reason the others were told by Jason straight up is because they have that bare minimum amount of respect to stay out of his business. 💀
If you're a civilian, I don't think he'd want you to have anything to do with the more dangerous side of his life. It's bad enough you're dating him to begin with, he doesn't want to put you at anymore risk.
It's a somewhat different story if you're another vigilante. I still don't think he'd want you involved in his work specifically, but he would at least know you could take care of yourself if it came down to it.
He almost always wakes up before and goes to bed after you.
He likes seeing you when you're asleep, your hair a mess, or your bonnet askew.He thinks you're so cute when you're sleeping.
I don't think he'd take lots of pictures, but i don't think he'd mind if you did.
He might actually enjoy it if you just have a ton of selfies with him.
You are his lockscreen. Whether that was a decision made by you or him is still up for debate.
Doesn't care if you're more masculine or feminine, i think he'd find something to enjoy about both aspects.
Or if you were more androgynous.
He'd for sure call you "My girl".
A list of names I think he'd call you: My girl/wife, Wifey, Angel, Sweet thing, Princess, Baby
I've said it before and I'll say it again, the man LIVES for domesticity.
Even if you aren't married, you guys will act like an old married couple.
He's not my personal fave, but guess I had a lot of thoughts about him lol
#bizbat#jason todd x reader#jason todd hc#jason todd headcanons#dc headcanon#dc#red hood#red hood x reader
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