#AUGH FUCK THIS IS WEIRD AND COMPLICATED.

[outlying-hyppocrate]

i might be genderfluid. probably not though. the actual idea of being socially perceived as any other gender makes me feel like a clown

[phagodyke]

I was on the wikipedia page for phobias just for fun but just discovered theres an actual word for a fear of being touched.. 🥹

[akane-kurokawa]

Chapter 150 thoughts!

Glad to be back in the nightmare hell scape! Fun Tokyo Blade vibes.

Bro is so BORED of the horrors. He looks at his sleep paralysis demon and goes “augh you again??”

The most obvious answer to 123 that we’ve all been waiting for for like a year.

Seriously though, on one hand it’s a bit annoying that we’re matter of facting this conclusion after a whole volume worth of playing the ‘What is Aqua thinking?’ game during the aqrb section of filming, it feels disproportionate to the buildup (a very common criticism for subplot resolutions lately)

On the other hand, they’re finally saying what everyone with reading comprehension has been thinking! Aqua doesn’t want this stupid badly written ship to happen, and neither does fucking Gorou!

But Gorou changing the subject from the big revenge life dream to “so what girls do you like” after he just admitted he was like, fading away is a little jarring to me. Maybe it’d read better with voice acting but right now it’s just a little tonally weird.

“You don’t need to act anymore” goes hard though, all things considered. Tbh, I don’t even really dislike the conversation, it just feels a little fast to me. It’s a dream sequence though so I’m being nit picky.

You and the girl who’s telling you not to worry about

Akane aggressively playing matchmaker is a pretty funny role for her, it utilizes her knowledge of people and Aqua adjacent manipulation skills while keeping her motives as well meaning yet overbearing as I’d expect from her.

The current dynamic of her Kana and Aqua has a very Kaguya feel, which I mean positively. It’s refreshing and reminds me why I like this cast and their interactions in the first place. Again, it’s a pretty stark contrast to the rest of this volume which has been steering into horror territory, but I’m suspecting this is probably to set us up for another tone shift later.

The dual flashbacks of their building crushes and feelings is very cute, I think their ship still walks the line of healthy and toxic, but it’s still built on a strongly established foundation. That said, there’s no way they get out right now and it works out. Not without at least one more solid complication first.

So happy for you to admit that, babe. Not gonna go well for you though.

[candyskiez]

teru and shigeo (???%) for the duo bingo

As you can see I have a normal amount of thoughts and feelings about them.

(romantically ad platonically are because I love their dynamic either way)

God. God. What do I even say about them I haven't already said. Actually I don't think I've said much publicly I usually scream in my friends dms. Hold on. I can talk so much about this.

It's the. God. Okay. God I wish the ???% and Mob seen was kept in full in the anime because like. So much of the shit he says to Mob/himself/you know. Hand waves. Weird self shenanigans. We're going w the system read for this tho. It's so fucking Teru? It's so fucking Teru??? The "there's nobody I can trust nobody here so why don't I just do whatever the fuck I want, none of these people matter, it's all pointless, I deserve BETTER." The. The parallels. The rage. The angry confusing feelings the why have YOU decided we're friends the fact they're the SAME and they both hate it at that low point, they hate seeing themselves reflected and they feel like the worst person in the world so they NEED the other to attack them and hurt them so they don't feel like they're the one in the wrong. The resentment. The. Oh my god. There is no way to make me shut up about them.

God. Post canon. What does ???% even do now. He was wrong. He did the exact thing he hated Teru for doing. He has no idea if he regrets it because Teru did it FIRST. Why does he have to be the good person here. Why can't he stay mad. Do you ever think about. Do you ever think about the fucking. Gestures wildly. Everything. Hello. And the. The. God what do I even say. Everything about post canon is so fascinating. Why does nobody explore the messy shit. Why is everyone insistent on making it Just Fluff. Like I love the fluff too but why can't you talk about the messy shit without being stabbed. It's weird man. I find the messy parts so interesting yk. I want to see them! And I want to see how do you even GO ABOUT fixing a slight that bad. Y'know. Y'know. Breaks a wall.

Me and a friend (if ur reading this, hi!) talk so much about aus with them. Like. What way can you make them NOT interesting. Like aus where they're friends before character development are so so interesting to mess with. What's up there. You remind me of myself and I don't think that's a good thing. You understand me and I've wanted that more than anything else and I think I'm going to ruin this. Like. HRHRHDHDH. Gnaws on a wall. You are just like me and I didn't realize how fucking selfish I could be until I saw how you are. Vs I know you and I know why you did it and you make sense and. Shakes them. Shakes them!!!!! They would be SO INTERESTING as being close in some way whatever you want to interpret them as. They're everything. I want to put them in a terrarium and study them. Like them meeting each other before canon and being friends and their development Changing because of that. Do you get it. Do you get it. It's complicated! It's weird! Aaaagh!!! AUGH. Augh

[bugsinthebayou]

what do you think of dabi's ending?

ough dabi's ending... emotional and painful. the todoroki family are some of my favorite characters and AUGH ... just ... dabi telling them all to die... wanting Himself to die... it was so good and tragic and i Loved watching it. endeavor can die btw hate that dude (wayy too similar to my own dear old dad yknow how it is)

my thoughts on his status post-war however umm. it feels fucked up to me ?? like. it feels selfish and cruel on the family's end..? like dabi does not want to be alive. and the. contraption?? hes in to Keep him alive looks uncomfortable and painful. i understand them not wanting to let touya die but the state he's in right now isnt even living. i personally would hate to be kept alive like that. i also think from a writing standpoint letting touya die at the end of the family's fight to stop him from exploding would've been better? dunno, it just feels kinda weird to keep him suspended between death and life like that. im in too minds abt it tho,, i do like it for its fucked up factor. dunno, its complicated !

[yuukei-yikes]

i hate second manga route for haruka and especially takane's stupid arcs but LIKE I ALWAYS SAY its got so much going for it. ayano and shintaro especially. ayano being the shittiest sister ever and shintaro being Literally the awesomest brother really gets me like its so funny

shintaro being so. Weird/mean in more typical routes because of retaining eyes even if it's repressed/inactive... i know its because kagepro was written in the course Of Years and it's honestly a game of telephone so it's more a matter of lack of consistency rather than this but i like to explain it with that lol

in main route shintaro and momo barely speaking, not being close at all. but in an original way they were THE closest siblings... sniff sniff. like so much was sacrificed in the way to their happy ending, their relationship being one. and for shintaro (with retaining) to eventually remember this but not momo... and how it'd cause a shift in his behavior bc he REMEMBERS all these moments they spent together in some other lifetime and how he felt about it then, and it's simultaneous with how he feels with this lifetime and this specific relationship he's built with his sister. it's a lot!! he doesn't stop being him, but all these other routes are overwritten over one another and how he feels in each one is completely simultaneous with how he feels about the present. augh. this is complicated for all his relationships ofc like (drum rolls) takane because of Many reasons but for example he fucking killt her once and he KNOWS that. but hehe. kisaragi siblings. that was just my obligatory takane mention bc i can't help myself BUT IM TALKING ABT SHINTARO AND MOMO

momo just sees shintaro acting awkward and trying to approach her and she's like 😐weird. ofc she still reciprocates!! like DAMN shintaro wanting to be her brother and get closer to her?? it's one of her biggest wishes come true!!!! but its awkward as fuck!!

shintaro is dealing with MANY things as he goes through life with all these memories + living past the end of the story, and momo is terrified of scaring shintaro away because she doesn't KNOW all he knows and he's shit at trying to communicate and just talk. but maybe their mom can come home and be like oh. u guys are watching tv together?? thats strange. and theyre like oh. yeah i guess <- wrestled for who got the remote, momo obviously won, shintaro complains but still stays to watch whatever the hell obscure tv show momo is into. shintaro keeps criticizing it and momo's like just leave if it bothers u so much and he's like NO. im googling the directors and writers of this as we speak.

also i know ive said this 1000 times but car guy shintaro. this guy gets his license and is everyone's taxi driver. but ESPECIALLY momo. he drives her to school everyday and they scream sing together the entire way. momo makes a car playlist to sing with him but will never admit it's a playlist specifically made with shintaro in mind and how funny she thinks it'll be when call me maybe comes on and shintaro will be like AUGGH THIS SUCKS LOWER THE VOLUME but immediately starts singing too.

AND ALSO he tries teaching her how to drive and she crashes their mom's car and shintaro takes the blame. as punishment he can't use the car for a while. in that while momo still gets her license Somehow even though she is an awful awful driver and now since shintaro isnt allowed to drive for a bit momo is taking him and he's FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE.

anyways kisaragi siblings😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 also ayaki not only watching shintaro managing to get closer to momo in this lifetime too, but also sees ayano be this supposedly perfect big sister.

post str ayano with all this guilt over abandoning her siblings and feeling totally incapable of everything, both academically and emotionally. but ayaki is still a little jealous bc even if she Knows how ayano must feel (despite not even being in her head like with shintaro. she knows bc she IS ayano) kano kido and seto DO see her as a good big sister. i think ayaki harbors certain "hatred" for the surviving ayano because she. hates herself. and this ayano has everything ayaki fought for and is still just as incapable and it pisses her off. i think both ayanos feel horrible specifically about kano's involvement in everything and what he had to deal with when ayano died. ayaki thinks god. i/she still failed for protect him. this SUCKS. she knows ayano hates herself bc she hates her and she is her💥

....and also in case of shinaya ayakis like THIS IS RIDICULOUSSS!! HIM OF ALL PEOPLE?!?!?! COME ONNNN. erm anyways💥

[fairysylveon]

Favorite things/headcanons about jackothy and katarhys GO!!!

OH MAN it's so hard for me to put things into words but I'll try

jackothy

I headcanon a lot of codependency over the years honestly, jack is the only person who knows who tim really is, and tim is the only one allowed to see past jack's mask (both literal and metaphorical) on account of "being an extension of jack", so they're driven together despite how much tim hates jack. BUT I also headcanon that they love each other in weird and complicated ways, jack's is initially driven by narcissism but eventually he grows to like tim for his differences too, especially as someone who's not afraid to mouth off to him because it's kinda refreshing, and also the aforementioned codependency. and tim, well, he still hates jack, but all that time with him and only him creeps up on him and he grows these strange but undeniable feelings of undying loyalty and love. because he's lonely, he'd always been lonely, even his own mom didn't love him, and as fucked up as this thing is with jack, it's filling a hole that desperately needed filling, and he's taking what he can get even if he can't stand himself for it. and maybe he's relieved when jack dies because he has an out that isn't betraying jack, because before jack dies he does think about it, he thinks about killing jack in his sleep, thinks about not letting go when they're fighting and he's got his hand around jack's throat, but he just can't ever seem to go through with it because his entire identity is so intertwined with this man and he's his only real "friend", and that's so sad and frustrating for him but it's true, too. I just love tim with very complicated feelings of attachment/devotion/love to jack that he HATES but he just can't shake it because he's kind of pathetic and very lonely

other headcanons I like: attack dog tim, being the tip of jack's spear. whether or not he likes that changes based on what I'm in the mood for LOL. also they fist fight regularly because they piss each other off, and sometimes (often) it becomes erotic as it continues. (tim pretty much always wins, because he's stronger & has more experience actually fighting for his life)

canon things I like: jack flirting with tim at every opportunity, also that LINE, the fucking line where he's like "you're making me anxious" because tim is so hot? that's good shit. tim being so attractive to him that he acts wildly ooc because he's just. so into him is SO FUN AND GOOD. tim being bound to him not only contractually but physically too, unable to separate himself from jack, seeing jack when he looks in the mirror, it's soooo sad and so good. jack making tim do porn is very toxic and good (which btw, "made him" could literally just mean "he paid me too much to refuse", I have always wanted more details about HOW he "made" tim do it). tim in the jackpot being surrounded by statues and holograms and posters of his dead lover/abuser? constantly unable to go even a day without the reminder of jack? hell yeah. also "I'm not you, jack" is SUCH a good line. AUGH. I love them.

katarhys

I loooove rhys being begrudgingly into kat and kat's admiration for him, but in a way that he doesn't indulge until he's at a low point. like, calling him up when he's lonely, bored, drunk, etc. and he KNOWS it's a bad idea EVERY TIME but he does it anyway because it feels good to have someone SO into him, even if he's also kinda creeped out by it. I also love them indulging in guro shit because... I just love it, it's just FUN, and kat has at lines about stabbing/slicing rhys so it's just.... Good. I also like to play up how much of a stalker kat is by having him install cameras in places to keep tabs on rhys. I don't have a lot of actual headcanons I can think of right now because canon is so good LOL

canon things I like: I love kat seemingly knowing EVERYTHING there is to know about rhys, including his favorite froyo place. he's clearly been keeping tabs on rhys so it's fair to say that at least some degree of stalking (at least virtually) is in place in canon and that's sooo good. "DO YOU NEED ANOTHER LOVE TAP" "IF I STAB YOU, RHYS, YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT'LL BE RIGHT IN THE CHEST, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT BROS DO!" "who cares about them, I'm doing this for us." "I'm gonna slice you in haaa~aalf." kat disguising himself as zer0 to make rhys think he's been betrayed. KAT IS SUCH A FUN CHARACTER he's just so good and I love all his dialogue and I love how obsessed he is with rhys, THEY'RE SO GOOD I LOVE THEM!!!

[patron-saints]

When looking at the fanon interpretation of your fav fma ladies, what makes you go like yesss she would say/do that!! And what makes you she wouldn't fucking say/do that?

(Happy birthday!!)

oh my gosh thank you so much!!! i did my best with these, i feel like i might be forgetting stuff but i tried!

izumi:

i love it when people treat her as the elrics adopted mother! i think there's a reason why she lost a child specifically and why they lost their mother, and while the rituals they did to bring those people back didn't work, they still found their ways to each other. love it when people INCLUDE HER also!! so many times in fanon stuff she just gets left out completely and it makes me sad.

hate it when people call her abusive? like. the manga makes it really clear that she's doing all of their training with as much care and caution as you CAN do a martial art, and that her assistant was watching out for them while they were on the island (and kicking their ass but you know. he knew they were safe). she's a good mom and she's a good teacher and i won't hear it.

olivier:

olivier as a character is like wildly deeply nuanced and layered and i really love fanon posts that engage with her on the level of that complexity! she IS that complicated.

one of my biggest olivier "she would not fucking do thats" is almost any non-izumi ship, and it's not like. it's not like.. BECAUSE of izumi. i polyship all the time. it's just. she would not fucking do that. roy mustang she hates, her assistants are also men, riza is her friend and very specifically in the same cateogry of friend to her as jean havoc... so...? so probably that yeah. i just can't get into any of them. i have tried.

riza:

probably the most in character thing i've seen in this:

(edit by spidermanifested)

also i love everything by tumblr user courtmartialme. he's so good and he draws her with so much love.

i think my biggest and worst crime against traditional fma fandom is that i believe riza hawkeye is aromantic. so like. it makes me feel "she would not fucking do that" about so much royai content all of the time. and i still love queerplatonic royai so much so i reblog it a lot with my qp glasses on but the super romanticy stuff i- oh. OH. even worse than that is royai parent stuff. either as the elrics parent figures (they r coworkers at worst and weird uncle/aunt at best) or as having their own kids. augh

lust:

biggest fandom "she would fucking do that" of all time is THIS. which i hope everyone has seen. forever. she would. i am writing a whole fic about how much she would.

a lot of rizalust art has lust in a position of being the one to be sort of menacing and scary, terrifying riza as much as she turns her on, and like. while i do think she has the capacity for that VERY much, i think it's way more fun when she's pathetic. <3

also i wanna see more acknowledgement that her dad sucks too

[veliseraptor]

12, 13, 16

the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them: I feel like a solid percentage of my fandom experience is pretty much me picking a if not unpopular then probably controversial character and then proceeding to talk loudly and ad nauseam about why I think people should like them.

but if I gotta pick just one, and thinking about characters who I feel like are actively unpopular (as opposed to controversial, which is a different category; like, I'd put Xue Yang in the latter but not really the former, since he's got a middling strength group of core fans)...

since I mentioned Black Jewels Trilogy I'll throw one out for Jaenelle Angelline who I recall people really not liking back in the day, at least (I'm not actively in the fandom now so maybe this isn't the case anymore), or at least didn't find interesting as a character. and I get that because on the one hand sure, she's a classic "all the good guys love her, all the bad guys hate her, all-powerful chosen figure" character, but I've always been deeply fond of her because like. she's weird. she starts out weird and continues to be weird, she's really fucked up psychologically actually, she's kind of socially awkward and this combination of shy and insecure and exuberant confidence. she's sweet and compassionate and also vindictive and capable of horrific cruelty.

I think I have kind of a thing for characters who are extremely fucking powerful and also a complete mess as human beings and that's how I always felt about Jaenelle? yeah, she can decimate a planet and makes friends with unicorns but also doesn't really know how to be a normal human person. I don't know. I don't actually expect other people to be with me on this but I am.

but also, a while back I went looking for Wang Lingjiao fic because I was like "there's interesting material there about this woman from a nobody family who ends up in a relationship with the son of a major sect leader, and, like, what was she thinking? did she try to catch Wen Chao or did he notice her and she either (a) made the best of a bad situation by turning it to her advantage or (b) actively decided that she was going to improve her own life via this guy? like, yeah, she's petty and mean and vindictive and I want to know what's going on in her head. in a story that has a lot of people who come from low station and suffer for it, and sometimes even more for trying to get out of it, I'm prodding at her version of that and going "there's something here, give it to me."

sometimes think about that half idea I had where Wang Lingjiao notices Wen Chao coming onto her, doesn't like the idea, and basically tries to escape by glomming onto Wen Qing instead. Wen Qing/Wang Lingjiao rights, is what I'm saying.

worst blorboficiation: my first reaction to this was "oh no, are we going to make "blorbofication" the new "woobification", I was glad when we left that word behind and I don't want to see it replaced, I really don't."

but also. in my heart I immediately knew my answer and it's perfect good boy Wei Wuxian. singlehandedly turned me around on my feelings for a character and I don't really know how to get the good ones back at this point and I would really like the good ones back. I got into this fucking fandom because of him as basically an antagonist-as-protagonist model (i.e. a character who could be an antagonist in most stories but narrative positioning complicates things) - in CQL, even, so this isn't just adaptation decay or whatever - and now...augh.

idk man it makes me sad to think about too much. going back to thinking about Wen Qing/Wang Lingjiao rights instead.

you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc): so many and I feel like a lot of them have come up in answers to other questions...going to throw this one out though to the people who insist that Xue Yang never had any squishy feelings for Xiao Xingchen and all his motives were bad and evil forever, not just because hey that's my baby but also because it is, as I've said before, both an incredibly shallow read of the story as a whole that strips it of part of what makes it so painful and good and also makes that whole dynamic so much less interesting.

it just makes me feel kind of crazy, also, the way I look at that arc and see the reiteration of themes across MDZS and across MXTX's other works and feel like I'm just going "LOOK AT IT. LOOK AT IT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIKE IT BUT AT LEAST SEE WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT" and meanwhile there's another post in the tag throwing "no empathy" around as a shortcut to indicate "bad and evil."

anyway. I'm tired. every month or so I have to block another one.

[fivveweeks]

In Sun Shower, I think Katsuya would have the same amount of respect the hashira have for Kagaya. Even if they still want to punch him.

This guy body is wreak by disease and curse. So frail a simple slap in the back would topple him. Always in pain. Can't use breathing style. But he can still run around them and outsmart them. By skill and knowledge. He contribute a lot for the corp. Even when no one knows of how much he have done.

So yeah. They would definitely respect him a hell lot. If you can manage to drag it out of their ranting on how annoying and frustrating Katsuya is.

woah i still have Sunshower fans after all these months... i miss my blorbo katsuya augh

you got it right here - i never intended for the hashiras to outright dislike him. it's gonna be a gradual slide from "Who the fuck is this bastard" to "What is wrong with you (begrudging respect)" once his identity has been officially revealed. in the grand scheme of things it is technically a decade long game played by both Katsuya and Kagaya teehee

if i had to categorize them according to attitude once it comes to light it would be:

Shinobu, Sanemi, Tengen: "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU"

Muichiro and Obanai: Irritated about him but at the same time also pissed that he is actually competent and the things he does makes sense in the long run

Gyoumei and Kanae: slightly put off but eventually accepts the weird tendencies of Oyakata-sama's twin

Rengoku and Mitsuri: probably gets over how weird Katsuya is the fastest. sometimes even they have to blink at some of his actions but they brush it off easily

Giyu: a secret third thing (sabito is alive thanks to katsuya so he's like, feeling extremely Complicated)

The constant is that they all will eventually come to respect Katsuya tho most of the impression about him running around in a demon mask still stays, but all in all he gets absorbed into the group dynamics whether he likes it or not. Kagaya is very amused about it

[dxppercxdxver]

tagged by @chiropteracupola!! we will See how many books i can for real remember

rules: list ten books that have stayed with you in some way, don’t take but a few minutes, and don’t think too hard - they don’t have to be the “right” or “great” works, just the ones that have touched you.

1. The Rook - Daniel O’Malley: OUGHHH favorite book of all time and i’m not at All exaggerating. it is the pinnacle of literature to me, with a great balance of humor and drama and mystery and the supernatural and also the main character is sooooooooo. i cannot describe how insane in the head she makes me

2. Feel the Fear - Lauren Child: technically the Entire ruby redfort series lives in my brain rent free but the fourth one in particular ticks Every box to me. vintage cinema. circus performers. poetry. actual Lasting Consequences Of Trauma in a main character. skateboarding? idk it’s so fucking good and i think about it constantly

3. There, There - Tommy Orange: we had to read this for ap lit my senior year and i genuinely think about it So often its prose is so evocative and good to the brain and it Evokes such physicality and the turns of phrase are so cool and also it’s a really well structured story that’s clever and complicated (fun) and makes your heart hurt and i genuinely recommend it all the time

4. A Study in Scarlet - Arthur Conan Doyle: i feel like this one iiiiis self explanatory but also!! the platonic ideal of holmes and watson To Me!!! exuberant and young and jittery and two steps from shaking themselves apart and so full of love and adoration for each other!!!!! AUGH!!!!!

(and here is when i start forgetting books)

5. The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys: California - Gerard Way, Shaun Simon, & Becky Cloonan: comics of break your brain forever n ever n ever. full of sadness and beautiful art and lesbian robots and a Kitty (big kitty baby kitty evil kitty <3)

6. Animorphs - K. A. Applegate: books that i think about aaaaaall the time in some way because i love Meat in my sci-fi (y’all remember the allergic reaction to crocodile dna? because I DO)

7. The Wolf and the Watchman - Niklas Natt Och Dag: y’know what fuck it cecil winge and mickel cardell got real in my brain earlier this year so they get to join the list. due to there’s MEAT and DETECTIVES and PALPABLE HOMOEROTICISM (my best friends weird detective guys ough augh)

8. It Devours! - Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor: noticing a theme here in that there is also Meat in this one. but also the story of something far bigger than you could ever comprehend Coming For You and the quiet dread of keeping something from your partner and carrying the burden alone and also sometimes relationships Don’t Work and that’s Fine (and also there is a massive worm)

9. Lord of the Flies - William Golding: another school read! me n my friends went Real Weird about this book at the ripe old age of thirteen. don’t remember much of it now other than Jack The Chorus Boy but i do remember having big feelings about it then

10. Treasure Island - Robert Louis Stevenson: for a Wildly different reason than em, because i don’t remember. anything? about it? read it for school when i was eleven or twelve and promptly lost all memory of the entire story BUT. i built a model ship for it for my final project and i think that jumpstarted the current Big Boat Feelings that i have some eight or nine years ago

tagging: @nico-demons, @firstmatedville, @wilhelmina-murray-harker, @natdrinkstea, and @haijinks :)

[morphogenetic]

Mediaposting 2023, #12: Succession Season 2

i think I like season 2 Overall less than I do with season 1, but when the episodes are bangers (6, 7, 9, 10) they are fucking BANGERS.

i also have literally no idea where season 3 and 4 are gonna go. like other than the one spoiler I know about s4 [which I'm not really surprised happened at this point] and the fact that kendall gets a shaved head eventually....NO idea what happens. at all. other than the repercussions that I'm sure happen after ep 10 lol

more spoilery thoughts under the cut (though tbh they're more about what I think is gonna happen next season)

-I knew about the "can't make a tomlette without breaking a few greggs" line. vaguely. what I did NOT know was that the line was said in THE SENATE

-honestly just so many good tom and greg moments. "we here for you" is still so fucking funny. the water bottle thing. Tom complimenting greg on his blackmailing skills. it's all so toxic and so so good

-speaking of Tom. "i wonder if the sad I'd be without you is bigger than the sad i am with you" is such an augh line and it's phrased in such a tom way. divorce arc so real

-shiv was so real for letting rhea be ceo and then immediately leaving bc of the cruises stuff. she girlbossed too close to the sun in episode 6 but then girlbossed her way back down to earth too

-i REALLY want to see if Roman actually gets therapy or if they just let him suffer like they did w kendall only getting two days of rehab. im also feeling like he might get more attention next season since shiv was more focused on during s2, when kendall was most important for s1, so maybe each season is more focused on one particular character?

-it's also fascinating to me that even though Roman is clearly the comedic relief sibling...he's smarter than he looks. he couches it in a lot of acting like he doesn't know anything - and he doesn't a lot of the time, lol at him buying the wrong soccer team - but like...the piece of episode 10 where he doesn't think the buyout will work? and in a way where his dad won't really get mad at him for it? he's kind of incredible at socially engineering people, in the way that youngest siblings often are. i don't think he'll ever lead the company but he could definitely be a way bigger player next season

-i know the entire point of kendall is that he's incredibly inscrutable and hard to figure out and like, a+ to jeremys acting on this, but he is even more inscrutable than usual this season. which felt weird after season 1 where he was definitely complicated but at least I could understand what the fuck was going on with him. now I'm a little ???? about it. i guess that's what happens when he's more of a background player this season though

-...but the divide between ep 9 and ep 10 kendall is both wild and totally expected. constantly going between defending his dad and treating him like a God and then saying he's a horrible person? on point. 10/10 no notes

-also I didn't really start paying attention to this until near the end of the season but the way that people have conversations in terms of the physical space between them is so important. it stood out to me with Logan and his kids. with Roman and Logan they sit apart but not distant, like business partners. logan and shiv? at first they had business partner spacing, then they had family member spacing. logan and kendall? circling each other like fucking sharks until the very end where kendall kisses his dad on the cheek right before betraying him. God. peak

-(SPEAKING OF THAT. THE PHYSICAL DISTANCE BETWEEN SHIV AND TOM DURING THE THREESOME CONVERSATION USED TO SHOW THE EMOTIONAL DISTANCE BETWEEN THEM. CHEFS KISS)

-ending the season on a boat was perfect after the season ends up being about the cruises drama. so perfect. i know it has the metaphor of pushing someone overboard too but (gestures) Boats

-i feel like I need to rewatch this season specifically when everything ends because a lot of the episodes felt....not pointless, totally, but more filler-y than season 1? like I really don't even remember what happened for most of the season outside of a few specific moments and I literally just watched it. idk. i mean the same is kind of true for season 1 but season 1 felt like it had more defined mini-arcs and I can remember more of what happened in that way

-i could write a whole thing on the pierces bc I think that was the most compelling part of the season outside of eps 9 and 10 but. ill spare you the details

-i like how by the end of the season greg is totally unimpressed by the size of the boat. luxury corruption arc

-tom and greg are absolutely having a screaming match next season about having the documents even after burning them and i cannot fucking WAIT

[radical-sainthood]

I return!!! It's afternoon here, I've been lazing about. I did manage to sleep a bit! And I ate a granola bar today. I might go to the bar tonight for Halloween, but I'm not sure.

I'm sure you'll be able to help in time. I believe in yall, even though it's difficult. You've got your troubled superhuman, I've got mine. We are... oddly in this together. If there's anything I could potentially do, please let me know! There probably isn't but hey, the offer stands. 

And like, yea. More often than not I actually don't want anyone to hurt or feel bad, and I will try and help. I just won't know exactly what's going on. There are very few people I actually want to hurt. Like. It's not that I don't care about anyone, it's that I just can't make connections about emotions very well. (Most of what I know about others emotions and our own comes from Steven Universe oddly enough. That show is how I learned a lot.)

Anyway, a lighter topic that involves me absolutely losing my mind, as you prompted me to do so. You have asked for this. (I'll save questions about stuff for tomorrow, I think. Halloween is  happy day after all!! For me at least, and I don't feel like dealing with being dizzy for thinking about my programming so... bleh.) That means YOU get to hear about my disaster relationship! I apologize ahead of time. This is probably the most I've talked about it openly for obvious reasons. You asked for this.

-----

So, things with Homelander have been weird and complicated since the day he waltzed in here, which is probably expected. It was weird because we'd never even really shown interest in his source, but, well, apparently the universe had other plans. And I... mean that genuinely. At first I tried to ignore the strange, angry man who I disagreed with (and still do) on several topics and such, but that's about when my YouTube and tumblr recommends feed started to make me look at him all the time for... some cosmic joke I don't know. So I begrudgingly accepted the new member of the system, who proceeded to like. Somewhat attach himself to me. Which makes sense but still.

What's difficult in particular, besides the obvious, is that he's functionally our anger holder, and can't really come near the front without the body getting dizzy. (No others have this issue, it's just him). I didn't really start feeling anything until like... its complicated.

Objectively I should have hated him. But 1: this is one of the most traumatized men I have ever seen and my complexes won't let that be, and 2: I am a simple man. Someone much larger and stronger talks down to me while still being affectionate and protective, lightly bullying me (we're assholes to eachother, its mutual.), using me as an arm rest, constantly talking about how he's above me while trying to bury his face into my neck... (that's just some things augh), and I'm basically just. Gone. I am a useless and predictable twink and I admit that.

As you've seen, the protectivity goes both ways, as you've already seen, to the point of me wanting to maul fans of his source media at times because how DARE they contribute to his objectification, and being mad at myself for being with him because how dare I (which he's called me a dumbass for on many occasions.)

BASICALLY it's messy, neither of us know what the fuck we're doing or how the hell this happened, but it's happening dammit. (/pos)

Hgjggfgvsd sorry,,,,, yall asked for it, I hope it helped you or did something for yall. ^^"

I'm gonna log off for a bit, may the rest of yalls Ween be Hallowed!

-🦌👁

HI! Sorry that we're only getting to this now, we've been a smidge busy haha. But all of that sounds fun, and I'm proud of you for getting some sleep and for eating something.

And we are in this together, honestly there isn't much *to* do. A lot of it is just deconstructing his negative self image and helping him learn that like, there is nothing wrong with his body and there's nothing wrong with OUR body either. I know that's scary and hard for him, especially when that idea was directly reinforced to him not that long ago. but we're working. Same for you! Let us know if there's ANYTHING we can do to help, we're here!

And we are VERY good at appearing empathetic, we have spent a long time studying people to better understand the way they express emotion. We're very good at mimicking it, and we're also very good at saying the right things to sound like we care. We've put a lot of work into appearing as normal emotionally as possible!

Honestly, I think your relationship sounds very lovely, and I hope that both of you only continue to get better. And continue to support each other to get better. I also understand in some ways, the appeal of someone who is kinda mean but still genuinely considerate, that's one of our favorite types. don't apologize for the rambling, i adore it. Your relationship dynamic sounds very sweet and I'm glad you're learning together, how to be a person.

Sometimes when I'm writing these I find myself feeling as though I am drafting a letter to a friend at war or something, (/pos) and it's very silly. I hope this letter finds you well dear anon!

[crossnamara]

yooo i just finished episode 9,,, and i think this is the statement i have the most thoughts about?? idk if i'll be able to articulate everything though, fuck uh so — i do actually believe robert meant well. like i know there's no way to know with the limited information but i do think he was just trying to protect julia from whatever got her mother. that's the impression i got. and i love that !! i love it when people do fucked up things cause they care about someone and i love complicated family dynamics ughhhhhhh kill me /pos — of course rayner was pentecostal. i hate protestants /lh — the hearts in jars fuck hard. i'd want that in my room — lol my dad was in a weird cult-like society but he got kicked out before i was born — sacred geometry oof. my mom's really into that, personally i don't think it's real in the capacity many people believe it to be but yeah. it's hard for me to take seriously — maybe weird but this felt sorta comforting to listen to. like yeah it was all fucked up but just the idea of that guy killing all those people to presumably keep his daughter safe… swoon. i love killers and i love men who are good fathers please just one chance i could give it to him so good ughhhh what who said that uh yeah that's like. everything i can articulate well enough rn?

NO YEAH OH MY GOD ROBERT MONTAUK MEANS SO MUCH TO ME. AUGH ESPECIALLY ABOUT THE OTHER STATEMENT HES IN BC THE GUY GIVING THE STATEMENT IS SUCHHHH A CUNT OH MY GOD.

but yeahh,,,,, he gets so so so much more interesting with later context too. and julia gets another also fucked up father figure. i love julia

THE HEARTS IN JARS FUCK SO HARD. AND THIS CULT SHOWS UP AGAIN. THERE ARE MULTIPLE CULTS BUT THIS IS ONE OF THE MAIN TWO :D

[mieltelecheycrema]

wtnv spoilers

AUGHHHH WDYM SHE JUST EXPLAINED THE WHOLE SHOW HOLEYYYY aughfhdgfhfhh well not the whole show but ! most of the segments im losing im- HELLO ???? also damn it cecil but also hes felt really off recently idk if its just me but it really feels like they’ve been hammering in his memory thingy stuff and reality stuff. i just idk smth feels wrong w/ how he holds himself but maybe its just the stress of his new position and stuff well not super new I. GUESS. i mean yeah new its been like 2 ? months and aufhfhfh. idk i really dont it just feels weird. religion mention POINTS KEVIN. i know hes gonna be incorporated into this somehow like maybe not in a big way or maybe the next episode will be a desert bluffs episode which would be HORRIBLE but so funny and i would be so excited. hes so interesting to me and his whole hm relationship sitch plus triptych and like just HIM in general. like the whole religion thing and implication of having been stuck in the dow more than once in it devours. THAT was cool ALSO his whole deal w/ carlos was interesting i really have no idea what to think of that like WAUGHHH WHAT happened. also his voice is just really calming to me like idk. blegh back to cecil im just huah he says what he wants and sometimes just lies and its interesting to try and think which times he’s being silly or lying or like hiding smth or just refusing to acknowledge it. things speak through him as well and its like ough cecil ur so interesting to put into the best way i can say it i love thinking about what is going on w/ u and how u get info and stuff. JANET oughhhhhhh janet is soooooooo hm idk how to put it shes a good antagonist like super good i love how she seems to connect and be worse than the reality bending stuff that happened. belief dangerous good and neutral and complicated and augh love it. also shes sooooooooooo sighs twirls hair, yk ? id loveeeeee to know more about her and her weird ass powers is it just belief like eyes being opened to mundanity or is it smth wrong with her. i think it would be cool if she herself was originally from nightvale but i also feel like im kinda cringe for saying that BUT its opinion and i do think it !!! that would be so cool and fucked but also a detached destruction is so hot. woah who said that um it would be really cool if she genuinely didn’t know about nightvale until its recent existence or wtever. her hunger for control wow i dont think hunger is the right word maybe craving no hm. anyways its like when she was first introduced i was like oh shes kinda normal huh maybe itll be like intense steve that is very much not a sweet guy. but noooo she’s genuinely like power hungry and once these explanations showed like real intense power over not only the physical citizens that were somewhat weird but the whole populous of nightvale she just went for it. i think. yeah anyways shes such an interesting character love her am also scared of what shes gonna dooooooo.

[yuukei-yikes]

coughs yp blood please i need to see ur ideal kenjirou ending scenario.........

i think he should LIVE!!! AND DEAL WITH CONSEQUENCES!!! i truly dont know how he could live and make it make sense... idk how he could live if hiyori is also alive and theyre using clearing as Her surrogate life. but. erm erm erm. yeah💥 Sorry to link this shit again but like i did WRITE A FIC ABOUT THIS CONCEPT kenjirou living and dealing with all the fucked up things he did or maybe didnt do... *goes crazy*

idk yeah kenjirou dying MAKES sense but... sniff sniff... we only see him walking away with ayaka. idk. feels too easy. for such a convoluted character who is also so interesting, I'd love if there was more to it than just this. maybe a last bit of consciousness before or after clearing leaves his body. id love for him to talk or apologize to his kids before going. Augh hayloft II by mother mother playing in my head. SHE'S NOT A BAD KID SHE HAD TO DO IT SHE HAD TO KILL POP -> ayano is back, somehow. shintaro brought her. even with everything going on, i wonder if kenjirou would see this and wonder If ayano is here, can't ayaka? kenjirou sees all his kids here and sees the atrocities he's done in the name of the love for his wife. was it really worth it? would she want you, like this? once you go, who is taking care of the kids? they look grown. but they aren't. you're fading away and your kids stand above you and watch you. and they have the audacity and humanity to mourn you. if he spoke, he could say he loves them or better, say he's sorry. but he does neither and then he's dead. and on the other side there is her, and she won't be as merciful as they were. she will make him pay for what he's done through her rejection.

(coughs) anyways when the holder of a snake in the real world passes, they get swallowed back to the daze with all the ones stuck there, i guess to reclaim the snake? kenjirou and ayaka walk away together so one could assume that's what happens cuz the daze sure as hell isnt releasing the people inside, so its not like just cuz kenjirous dead, ayaka will be released. but also, kenjirou dies precisely cuz clearing leaves his body, so why would the daze open? it has no snake to reclaim!!! ayaka and kenjirou would NOT reunite!!! Unless ayaka is released?? maybe in the specific scenario where a snake holder dies BUT the snake gets out of the body, maybe their counterpart inside the daze gets out and both souls die together this time for reals??? erm. idk. seems over complicated and hey why are you looking at me weird. this is normal im not overanalysing.

erm... anyways, either way kenjirou and ayaka DO reunite somehow?? and its funny to imagine kenjirou and ayaka in the daze going thru a divorce arc i guess!!

im not sure WHAT my ideal ending would be. but i sure as hell wish he had a moment where he's fully himself again, aside the bit in the anime where he's like "thanks for watching me all these years" to saeru. like that bit is good i like it but i wish there was something more jarring and real about it. i wish he felt guilt and horror and saw what he collaborated in doing, i wish to know how conscious he was about it. i want him to see his kids and wish he could stay with them but know theyre better off without him. i wish he saw haruka&takane and what hes done to them and feel nauseous. kenjirou fascinates me he's such an interesting guy